#i havent had a good nights sleep in a while so this is basically projecting

[crow2222]

Eepy darry bc i felt sleepy

[mihai-florescu]

*gripping the sink refusing to look in the mirror* no, like, it's ok, it's fine, i'm just in my war shu era in my war leo era in my kaname era in my-

[arolesbianism]

Y'know there already is such a nonexistent market for oni art in general so the fact that I wanna draw more au art is killing me. Like I draw for fun and don't need notes to be happy with a piece but also I need ppl to view my art and be curious and ask questions because while I may not desperately need approval I do desperately need excuses to gush abt the things I like

[sentientgolfball]

you and i share a dangerous obsession with phantom its dangerous!!! anyways may i request a hurt/comfort type of scenario. everywhere i look its just phantom angst and being excluded from the ghoul pack so why not contribute to this trend!!!!!

reader is out in the woods taking a stroll when they're suddenly charged at by a dog but hearing their scream, phantom comes in and chases the dog away. reader and phantom havent had much interaction with one another given how badly the ghoul pack shoves him away and when reader realizes this, they take him back to their room where they ease phantom with affection and phantom basically MELTS

hes being given more attention by a human than his pack :[

sorry for the lengthy request!!!

Never apologize for a lengthy request ! I hope you like this one I kinda made it a mutual hurt/comfort. Everyone gets to be sad and everyone gets a hug

My requests are open !

The crunching of the leaves underfoot comes to an abrupt halt. You stop and slowly scan the wilderness surrounding you. It’s green and lush, teeming with life and the sweet smells of blooming wildflowers. The whole forest is cast in a golden glow as the setting sun pours through the foliage. You close your eyes and throw your head back and let out a deep sigh that’s been stuck in you all day. You feel the prick of tears in the corners of your eyes but you will yourself not to let them gather. You were out here to feel better, not worse. 

You really don’t know what got to you, but for the past few days you’ve felt like absolute shit. You didn’t understand it, everything was going pretty good in your life you knew that. You got promoted to lead your job at the Ministry, you’ve made a cluster of new friends from the influx of Siblings, and you still maintained close ties with your friends who volunteered to go to different branches. But something struck you every so often. Normally you had enough around you to distract you, but one night one off handed comment that was meant to be more of a joke than anything made something within you bubble. You tried so hard to make it go away, to not focus on it, to rationalize with yourself but you just couldn’t. It put you in a slump for the whole weekend. You had to force yourself to chip away at the project you were tasked with. You had to force yourself to shower. You didn’t have enough left in you to do your laundry or clean your space by the end of the day. You needed to get lost in something that wasn’t your mind. That’s what led you out into the middle of the woods. You remember something about nature being good for mental health. 

You walked for a while, stopping every so often to take a picture of a mushroom or leaf that stood out to you. When the forest got darker you decided it was time to head back to the Ministry, you didn’t feel much better but you couldn’t stay outside forever. You started walking back the way you came letting your feet drag on. You really didn’t want to have to return to the real world, but you knew you had to. You continued a bit farther before stopping. 

Didn’t I already pass that stump?

You take out your phone to check your pictures only to realize it had died. How did you not realize it was so low before coming out into the middle of the woods? You cursed and looked around in an attempt to get your bearings, but it was only getting dark as the sun sank before the horizon. You felt sick as the realization that you were lost starts to sink into your mind. You looked in each direction briefly considering picking a path and following it, but it would do you no good. Everything looked the same in the fading light and it made you disoriented. You hang your head in defeat and try to convince yourself that sleeping outside for one night wouldn’t be so bad. 

Well…at least it can’t get any worse. 

You should’ve kept your thoughts to yourself. You hear a howl in the distance and you freeze, tensing. You forgot about the hellhounds. How could you forget about the hellhounds.

 To be fair, the hounds only appeared at night to act as guards for Ministry grounds and you typically were not out and about after dinner. The issue now, though, is you have no idea what to do. If the hounds catch you you’re definitely dead. If you stay put they’ll find you easily. If you run they’ll chase the scent and you’ll just get more lost. 

You don’t have a lot of time to think before you hear a twig snap. You whip around to find the source and see two red pinhole eyes creeping out from the brush. It’s growling low, drool dripping from its maw. It snaps its teeth and you feel your heart pound in your ears. You slowly start to back up from it before your back hits a tree. You stare wide eyed at the beast and send a quick prayer that whatever it does will be quick and painless. You see the way its hind legs shift and you know it’s rearing back to pounce. You screw your eyes shut and hope for the best when you hear its growl turn into a full bark. You wait for the burn of claws and teeth…and you wait. 

When the tearing of flesh doesn’t come you crack open your eyes to see a soft purple glow and a tail waving side to side. You watch the hellhound creep closer to the figure, sniff it, and then turn and dart into the bush it first came out of. The second it’s gone the glow disappears and the ghoul hunches over with his hands on his knees. 

“Lord’s below that was terrible. The puppies are so cute I don’t understand how they grow into that.” 

“Uhh…”

“Oh!” He turns around suddenly “Are you alright? It didn’t bite you did it? Oh what am I thinking if it did you wouldn’t be standing here.” 

You stare at the ghoul in front of you. The left half of his face is cracked with lichtenberg figure scars that dip below the neckline of his top. His eyes are mismatched, one the typical color for quintessence, the other looks almost hollow with the pupil glowing faintly. He has a shock of white in his hair that perfectly lines up with the end of one of the branches of his scars. But all that isn’t what catches your attention. No, what you notice is the very obvious streaks of dried tears on his cheeks. 

“Yeah…yeah I’m okay. Uh are you?” 

“Hm? Oh yea! The hellhounds won’t attack ghouls. We smell like the Infernal to them.” 

“That’s not” you pause and shake your head “You’re Phantom right? One of the new papal ghouls?” 

His posture goes rigid when you say this but he nods anyway. He asks for your name and you give it to him and you are suddenly very aware of the tension in the air. After a moment he clears his throat. 

“If you don’t mind me asking…why are in the woods? I thought humans couldn’t survive outside for long.”

You almost wanted to laugh at the statement. The way he said it was filled with such genuine curiosity it made your heart warm. But then you remembered why you were out there and your face fell again. His scars seemed to pulse dimly with light and the ghoul suddenly looked panicked. 

“No, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean anything bad by that I was just—“ 

You shake your head “No it’s not anything you did Phantom. I just…had a rough couple of days. Needed somewhere to go.” 

His eyes scan over you for a moment before he wraps himself in a hug, tail curling around his leg. 

“Yeah I…I don’t know much about humans, but I think I know exactly what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

You look up at him and your heart breaks when you see just how small he looks. You tentatively reach towards him and you’re taken aback by how quickly he jumps into you. You freeze for a second not really sure what to do with a ghoul wrapped around you. You know ghouls are pack creatures so this is normal behavior. You slowly bring your arms up and around him, patting his back softly. That seems to do the trick as you feel his tail wrap loosely around your leg. You shudder feeling a zap of quintessence ripple through you. He pulls back just enough to look at you. He looks like he got punched in the gut. 

“I can make that go away. It’ll be easy and you’ll be happy again.” 

“What?” You say astonished before mentally slapping yourself. Quintessence ghouls can sense emotion, and in rare cases read minds. 

“Just let me make someone happy please.” He sounds desperate, almost afraid. 

“Phantom you can’t…make me happy. Well okay technically yes you can, but that’s magic. It’s going to change what’s wrong.” 

He hesitates “What is wrong?” 

You stare at him for what feels like an eternity before sighing and untangling yourself from him. You slump down against a tree and close your eyes, resting your head against the trunk. A quick smile flashes onto your face when you feel him sit next to you, tail now twining around your arm. You open your eyes and turn to look at him. Something about the way he looks at you makes you feel safe, seen. You feel your throat burn and you cough before you begin to explain what’s been causing you so much grief. 

You were lonely. 

“I know it must be such a silly thing for me to complain about…especially to a ghoul.” You say finishing out your tangent. 

“No,” he whispers, shaking his head “No I get it..”

You look up from where you had been playing with his fingers and gasp seeing the tears welling in his eyes. 

“Phantom what’s—“ 

You were cut off by him pulling you into another hug, but this one was filled with something deep. 

“Why do they all hate me? I didn’t ask for this! I try so hard to be everything they need so maybe they’ll keep me around.”

“Phantom?” 

“But they don’t! They always pair off and I’m the odd one out every time! I know they’d rather have Aether. I’m not stupid, but why won’t they just give me a chance?” 

“Phantom.” 

“I know I’m just a waste of resources to them. I know none of them would bat an eye if I just disappeared.”

“Phantom!” 

He stops and stares at you wide eyed, tears running down his face. You gently reach out and hold his cheek in your hand. He melts into the touch as a sob wracks his body. 

“I want you here.”

“But…we just met. Why do you care? Why would you want me?” 

“I could ask you the same. You came to help me without even knowing my name.”

He sniffs “I wasn’t gonna just let you get ripped to little fleshy bits.” 

You cringe a little at his choice of words but continue “I don’t know the full extent of what’s going on but…it sounds like you could use someone to help fend off those bad thoughts.” 

“Like a friend?” 

“Yeah” you smile “Like a friend. We can be alone together. How about that?” 

“I think I need that.” 

You pull him into you and let him lay his head on your chest. You two sit like that for a long time, silently bathing in each other’s presence. You let a few more tears fall from your eyes. For the little ghoul that was so shunned by his pack he had to find comfort in a human who barely knew him. For yourself who had so many people around them but still felt this hole deep inside of your soul. For both of you who found each other. 

You run a hand through his hair when you hear the softest of purrs vibrate through him. It sounds a bit scratchy at first, but soon it turns into an even rumble. You gently shake him.

“Hey it’s getting cold…we should probably find our way back inside.” 

“Oh” his ears droop “Yeah you’re probably right.” 

“Do you wanna…would you maybe wanna stay with me for the night.” 

He instantly perks up “Really? I mean I would love to. I yes I would yes.” 

You both stand and he leads the way once you explain to him that you actually have no idea where you’re at. You take over, though, once into the Ministry. You both curl up under your mound of blankets and spend the rest of the night going back and forth about the things that plague your mind, about the stupid things that make you smile, about each other until you fall into a deep sleep feeling content with the weight next to you, but also the weight that disappeared from your shoulders.

Maybe being alone wasn't so bad if it led you to him.

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] yes i know its very late night by now yes i will go 2 sleep later BUT LIKE. i got back to remembering wings ask but not exactly continuing the thought but like. idk. something about his wings and lmi and adkjwhfhshd a scene that transpired from the Thought like, when lumine first knew about xiao's wings a little more deeply, listening to what he's willing to speak of the history of it. how he doesnt remember the sensation of flying and using, how he lost it in his past torture, and to the point he just,... leaves it be on his back. it's set before zhongli finds the blueprints, and the story itself stretches a bit to how then xiao began to acknowledge his wings.

anyway back to lumine, xiao had taken it slow to reveal something he never thought of expressing yknow? cus its not like it affects his way of transport, but it does limit the methods, BUT xiao also never used his wings nor remember the experience of it. this is what he tells to her, and it becomes sort of a heart-to-heart discussion. but that's not the entire point tho LMAO what i'm getting at is the way lumine would want to make him feel better by speaking of her own experiences close to what he is; namely, a person with wings. herself, although shes not avian. so she tells him of her experience with bird people from other worlds instead.

like yeah this is the whole point of the thought process basically HSJFJSHFH like, i love that in the years lumine and xiao had been accustomed to each other for these casual but also comfortable conversations, the former just kinda slips in her Otherworlder stories, be it as examples or fun trivia or anything. it doesnt happen necessarily often, but just enough for a chat to be lighter and sparks enough curiosity for xiao to keep engaging or simply listen. so like, in this scene particularly. lumine tells him about how humans with wings are sorta some world's kids' fantasy depictions of angels. or others would think they're gods. or that one time theyre not humans with bird wings but humanoid birds! like, they stand like people but with bird heads like what!! and to xiao who had felt a little bad for dumping his sob story about his wings would be both assured and amused at those stories, changing his mind more and more that maybe. just maybe its worth a try flying again. not that her stories is the cause of it than it being his decision entirely.

i just think eueugehfh lumine would tell him about the stars and constellation he never sees, right? then she would enlighten him with cultures and technology. id like to think maybe at one point she comes back from a quick jump out of teyvat for Stuff, she brings along souvenirs. and she invites her friends to try em, and for xiao its probably best if theyre alone so he doesnt need to feel more embarrassed than he is (extra bit i thought abt her introducing him to multiplr gadgets from a futuristic world she and aether visited, she gave him some fancy tech skates, and boy to see him fumble so much is just so funny and cute i hdkwjthshbfwjfh and of all gadgets he actually liked the skates). so like yeahgdjahd!! explodes i will sleep now gnite muah i hope u have a good evening 2day aly!!

crying shaking bawling sobbing.

NOT REMEMBERING THE SENSATION OF FLYING yearning for something so deep so intrinsic but not knowing what, not know how it feels ohhhhh my god. not remembering flight but wanting it regardless im goigngn to explode

HUMANOID BIRDS...... no bc. fun little backstory time i have a Side Project that is on indefinite hold that is So Fucking Slow Going and its literally just worldbuilding and oc-creation for a story i havent quite come up with yet and i want So Many Bird People. i spent DAYS a while ago now trying so hard to consider anatomy and how arms & wings at the same time would work and what would be most convenient and make the more sense for a humanoid bird species or a bird-like human species or any combination of both anbd. explodes again. lumine telling him about all kinds of different species and ways of flight and how for some it was similar to a sacred act and for others it was the most casual, simple thing and the world and some being winged but flightless and how they adapted to that and. ,mfgmnmng

THE STARS AND CONSTELLATIONS FROM OTHER PLANETS CULTURES AND TECHNOLOGY no bc her going to other planets specifically to ask for advice/help with constructing sort of wing braces/supports/prosthetics and so its her and zhongli and aether and khaenri'ahn technology but also all sorts of knowledge from multiple different cultures.....

XIAO ON SKATES THAT'S SO SILLY i love that os bad for him. him handshake me fumbling So So Much but having sm fun... WE R EXPLODING FR ily so bad im so. pleading face emoji @ all of this. I HOPE U SLEPT WELL AND NOW THAT ITS NIGHT AGAIN I HOPE U R SLEEPING WELL AND I HOPE U HAVE AN AMAZING DAY TOMORTROW !!!!!!!!!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: Miraculous World: New York

(The following review contains spoilers, and if you would like to not be spoiled, I would recommend watching the episode before reading)

(I had to pause a LOT to get through this special)

-Oh s*** Cosmo bug and Astro Noir. That is so cool.

-Okay maybe its my audio, but their voices seem a bit deeper. No big, just something I noticed.

-Okay the yellow flower was cute. Good on you kitty.

- Also, side note. This is very nice animation. Very crisp.

- Marinette is moving on... kinda. Well, she is trying. Its not easy getting over someone you have a thing for. I guess that means Miracle Queen did happen and I will need to suck it up. But.... I am not moving on yet either.

- The puppet show was perfection. And honestly on par with what you would expect from middle school projects. (I almost thought it was the adults showing them and was like WTF)

-BACK THE F***. Madame Bustier is PREGNANT! PREGNANT?! I am so lost? What is the story!? Who is the father! Is she married? Is it artificial insemination! Is it the principal?

-Adrien so moved by Marinette’s outburst of Friendship. Marinette ‘Just a friend’ Dupain-Cheng is going the Tia Gardner method of friendship. Lol

-Marinette ready to fight and Gabriel just like ‘Yea sure whatever’ (Gabriel’s smile murders puppies)

- Kagami trying to cheer adrien up. If you love adrigami, get that juice. (That looked like a kiss kiss, but the angle seemed off, so I am not counting it that way.)

- Kitty Clicker is wonderful. This entire scene is gold.

-  Gorrilla doesnt like planes, poor baby

- Plagg, you are a devious little s***. I love you so much. As a writer, his dialogue on how to convince adrien is so devilish its amazing. Using technicalities to tempt adrien.

-Lukanette shippers get your juice... even if it was still tainted a bit by Adrien inclusion. You still get a kiss.

- Okay, can we appreciate that Adrien is also having the same amount of trouble as Marinette moving on, but also include Guilt into the equation? I love this because you KNOW Chat noir is going to get an ear full later.

-Marinette has totally moved on from Adrien.... Oh my poor sweet little girl. You havent. You havent even a little. This ride is litterally the reverse of Startrain and its amazing. Alya is NOT helping. Also, give the person that drew Marinette’s Daydreams a f***ing raise. They earned it

-Marinette pulling herself OUT of the situation. Now adrien is slightly bummed out. Well i am sure that this is the last awkward experience with Adrien she will have. It isnt like the two of them will get lost in NY together... thats whats gonna happen isnt it?

-Marinette walking past all the couples sleeping together. JULROSE GET YOUR JUICE!!!

-Ah yes, nothing like watching the sunset with your good friend. Yes, you good pal, Adrien. Who is Just a friend. Wow, the realization that Marinette used the word friend in this movie more times then Adrien did in the entire series so far. (Or at the very least close)

- Adrien, STOP! Marinette is trying to move on from you! Stop making it so damn difficult for her. (I am not serious, i am eating this s*** up like Sushi)

-Nino confirms he loves Adrien. ADRINO COME GET YOUR JUICE! But yea, I feel alya and Nino’s pain. So they are going to help them both.

-Adrienette hugs. Yes, good.

-And thank goodness for Techno Pirate! Saving everyone from awkwardness by trying to bring down a plane... thats heading for NY...

-OH SWEET! BATMAN RIP OFF AND Captain Marvel rip off! And their sidekicks, Robin rip off and... Medusa girl? Okay Neat.

-Jokes aside, Majestia and Night Owl are boss as hell.

-Wow, I know that Ladybug and Chat noir got powerups now. But these United Heroes make their powers look so bland in comparison.

-Get rekt France!

-ADRIEN! DONT USE YOUR PHONE ON AN AIRPLANE! Well, unless he is using the in flight wifi, then he good.

-How come New York has a f*** ton of superheroes in this universe? America really gets all the cool stuff regardless of what fictional universe your in.

- Why are the superheroes so keen on watching over Marinette’s class? Do they know? Do they know Marinette and Adrien are there? Or is it like they just want to prevent an international incident. PLEASE LET IT BE THE LATER.

- I have only had Aeon for 15 seconds and I would violently murder anyone who harms her.

-Oh my Sabrina! GET YOURSELF AN AMERICAN BOY! ... And Chloé is going to ruin the fun. Oof tough break roomies.

-The entire class! I cant even! Not even a second after the door closes they out to party on the roof!

-Aeon, “See? They are made for eachother!”

- Damn, now that’s some guitar playing! Plus Her design is boss as heck. America really just has better versions of EVERYTHING.

-American boy basically snuck in to see Sabrina! GET IT GIRL!

-HOTDOG SUPERHERO! WITH MAGIC HOTDOGS!!!!!! BEST NEW YORK EVER!

-Nino and Alya be tag teaming this!

-Wow Zag, you stuffing me full of Adrinette goodness. Gorilla is a beautiful sunflower.

- Marinette and Adrien havent been in the US 24 hours and they already have two shippers of them. Also, what do doors have against them?

-Jess is Shipping it too hard. “Lets put them in danger!”

-Jess is having way too much fun with this.

-Hawkmoth akumatizing an actual Super villain. FINALLY!

- “Wouldn’t you rather have an Atomic Bomb?” I love Techno pirate.

-”Super Heroes should never use their powers for personal gain.”  Hmmm I wonder how this will back fire on everyone involved.

-”OH S*** HE STOLE THEIR CANNONS! BOOM GOES THE CANNONS!”

-Okay, I take back what I said, these heroes need some Miraculous asap.

- Ladybug is 100% justified in being angry with Chat Noir. It is his fault.

-AEON!!!! NO!!!!!!! Okay, guess i have to kill that techno pirate, and Chat noir

-MAJESTIA IS F***ING PISSED! WRECK HIM MAJESTIA!

- Seems they really hammering it in that Chat noir f***ed up. They right though, but at least Ladybug isnt angry enough to agree that Chat noir should give up his miraculous to some rando. FLEEING FROM THE LAW!

-So lucky charm can only fix damage due to specific villains. It cant fix things when the villain is gone or they are out of range. I always knew it had limitations, but damn. Chat noir REALLY screwed the pooch on this one.

-Adrien no! Oh s***! He cant just... I mean.... He can but...

__________

-Gabriel stole the Eagle! The Kwami of Freedom. The irony is so delicious here.

- So night Owl and Sparrow are both chick with Masculine superhero appearances. Thats actually pretty damn smart, great way to keep people off their identity.

-Welp, i am depressed. Adrien doesnt have Plagg.

-EVEN THE PRESIDENT IS A SUPER HERO! AMAZING!

- So an akumatized person can USE A MIRACULOUS WHILE AKUMATIZED! WHAT THE F*** THATS AWESOME. Also why didnt catalyst do that?

-Gabriel actually getting adrien out of there while before s*** hits the fan. That is actually kind of a decent parenting move. Granted he is going to cause it, but appreciate it.

-Marinette the bike thief is back! And she is an international criminal!

- She tried so hard. Welp I am glad that Marinette is clearly over... actually no. This trip made that clear.

-Liberation, Wow. That is the most American power I have ever seen. I LOVE IT.

- Okay, so I never thought i would say this. maybe there is such a thing as too much freedom? Or at least Freedom that lets you impede on Other people’s freedoms.

- I know what Zag is up to, and it is working. I want a tv series Of Jess and Aeon. They are wonderful.

-So Majestia can casually move the moon. Yea, thats amazing and terrifying! I love her.

-Quantum masking! So there is a glamor effect! I knew it! So Aeon knows who ladybug and Chat noir are.

-DID I F***ING MENTION I WOULD MURDER FOR AEON!

-aeon will never see Tikki or plagg. Thats so sad.

-At least Adrien learned an important lesson.

-Cute LADYNOIR REUNION

-The was clever, using the keychain

- Eagle jess is epic.

-and Majestia can catch missles. Considering she can move the moon. Not surprising.

-OH DAMN, Night owl and Sparrow are LEGACY HEROES! Thats like the Phantom, Or like Jojo.

-That was sweet of Marinette and the class.

-Oh so the guardian of those miraculous came back to claim it.

-But now sounds like the set up for a new series.

____________________________________________________________________

Overall, I did greatly enjoy this movie. Though there were times i wanted to know more, and times I wanted to know less. I know this takes place sometime during season 4, but the exact time is vague. It did tell a really cool story. It felt like a three episode saga combined into one. It was kind of interesting. And damn the drama was higher.

I give it a 7.5/10.

I would rate it up there with my favorite ML episodes.

[comradekatara]

if you havent already, may i ask for some azula headcanons for the modern au? looking at your blog makes me grow new brain cells

of course!! congratulations on the birth of your brain cells :)

for a large chunk of her childhood, azula did nothing but school. no after-school activities, no playing outside, nothing. just school and then releasing her pent-up anger and aggression bullying zuko, as one does

teachers who were sympathetic to her dysfunctional situation routinely urged ozai to enroll her in a physical activity, but they were ignored. but by the time she got to middle school, one teacher was able to make a case that after-school activities would be advantageous on a college application. finally azula was permitted to choose a sport from a list of options that ozai found acceptable. she shot down horseback riding and tennis and argued for field hockey instead. 

when the full extent of her aggression became known, her coach had to invest in some reinforced mouthguards so azula wouldn’t be knocking out her own teammates’ teeth left and right. 

naturally, katara played ice hockey, but when their local rink was closed down due to asbestos (*rebecca bunch voice* “you guys are good! bye-bye :(”), she ended up on azula’s field hockey team. they began beating the shit out of each other every day. 

most of the kids on the team were very scared of both azula and katara, as they both had hair-trigger tempers and completely opposite idiosyncrasies that would lead to a meltdown. also, as mentioned, they regularly beat the shit out of each other.

one time they got roomed together in a hotel for an away game. it was weird and quiet and neither of them slept. they lost the game the next morning.

basically from the very first time katara gave her attitude, azula was doomed to forever nurse a crush on katara that she would never express to anyone, least of all herself. so that was fun. 

as for her life at school, things were boring in their predictability. azula spent all night every night studying and writing essays and doing supplemental research on her various class units that no one asked for. even when classes were easy, she made them hard for herself by taking her homework to the strongest possible extreme. she got As on every single thing and anytime she didn’t earn an A it was common knowledge among the faculty that rounding up was a reasonable price to pay to prevent the possibility of violence. 

she didn’t really have any friends. every once in a while she loaned a hair tie to ty lee and felt tingly in her fingers all the rest of the day. she worked on one group project with mai one time for a dramatic lit class and mai called her a lunatic to her face. (azula turned up her nose and pretended to take it as a compliment but she pummeled her pillow to shreds that night and didn’t even understand why.) 

she joined mock trial but quit out of rage when sokka was chosen to be the lead counselor on one of their cases instead of her. she lied and said it conflicted with her field hockey schedule, which sokka knew to be a lie. 

so as for sokka. she was violently obsessed with his perfect grades and good-natured casual attitude. how could he be both brilliant/an academic inspiration/her idol and role model and also socially gifted? moreover, how dare he be related to katara??? these questions kept azula up at night, even when she ran out of five-hour energy shots and her body was desperate for sleep. 

sokka, in return, was generally oblivious to azula, despite knowing the names of most people in the student body. (he’s just a nice guy like that.) for a while he knew her as the freak who twisted katara’s arm. once he became friends with zuko, he knew her as the freak who crushed a soda can using only her thumb and index finger when she spotted sokka in her house. he had the general sense that azula either hated him or was in love with him but didn’t particularly care which one it was. 

azula harbored an elaborate theory that sokka was conspiring to ruin her life and ensure that she could never get to any of her top choice colleges. she believed that if he succeeded in his plot, she would probably have to go somewhere completely unacceptable, like georgetown. or northwestern. 

zuko could never get her to explain why she thought sokka cared enough to sabotage her. sokka was two years older, after all; it wasn’t like they were competing for status or a valedictorian spot. but any time he asked azula why she was so hung up on sokka, she growled like a wolf and zuko took several meaningful steps away.

azula had had a crush on suki since the second they met; she believed that sokka was dating suki to torment her, even though azula had never spoken to suki and suki had no clue she existed. 

in all of high school, azula never attended a party or any sports games other than her own. one time she walked through the gym when the cheerleaders were practicing because she had left her shoes behind, and she stood stock-still for fifteen minutes watching ty lee lift two people over her head. the coach blew her whistle three times before azula jolted to attention and left. 

azula spent an hour doing her hair and preparing her makeup every morning until she saw suki come to school with wet hair once. this was a revelation too powerful to ever put into words. she threw out her makeup after that. (zuko nicked it out of the trash and would eventually use it for drag many years later, which felt right.) 

in her senior year, after she got into harvard and could relax approximately 20% of the tension she’d been harboring for the last 18 years of her life, azula began volunteering at a dog shelter on the weekends. she would never tell anyone about this. she found walking massive dogs to be incredibly soothing. 

she relaxed another 20% of her tension in college after she kissed a girl for the first time. and another 5% a few weeks after that when she stopped filing her nails into weapons all the time. 

as an adult, the best thing that ever happened for her was the weekend of her father’s funeral. she attended it on friday and had a surprisingly civil lunch with zuko afterwards. on saturday she purchased a ferocious, purebred german shepard. on sunday she wore sweatpants. it was a good weekend.

[timextoxhajima]

NOO i swear you're not taking any of my time huhu i love talking to you😭😭 tbh i usually have time at nights but i'd rather use them to sleep or watch some tbz content bc my a test every 3 weeks schedule is still going but i have a lot more to do now so i'd usually spent the first 1 weeks with taking as much rests as i can 🥲

and no worries ur not making me feel pressured to reveal myself!!!! im just saying this bc i really wanna be friends w u,, but if i ever leave tumblr then i WILL OFC I WILL TELL U

hehehe yea i love trying new hobbies no matter how bad i may be at them just to find the feeling of joy when i feel like im truly enjoying them, and with writing even when what i write has nothing to do with my thoughts it really help in keeping my minds busy instead of drifting away into bad thoughts🥲🥲 i do video editing too sometimes, photography, but its kinda hard thanks to the pandemic so yeah,,, editing sunwoo video it is for me😭😂 i hope you found ur getaway too!!! or did u already?

I C THE NEW ENHYPEN POST OMG IVE BEEN SEEING THEM A LOT LIKE A WHOLE LOT EVERYWHERE not to mention im also a shawol so i know that ni-ki was one of the shinee kid?? in shinee's japanese concert😭😂 but i havent found the time to know abt the other members yet so--

ANW I RLLY LOVE THAT FOR UU its good that you're getting a lot more comfortable❤️ so does that mean you are currently on a holiday? yea coming back to uni really sucks sometimes i hated it a lot too but these days i've gotten a lot closer to my friends and i miss them so much now that we havent seen each other for months🥲

i'm pretty good! all the preparation has been kinda a lot and my research supervisor has been kinda laterep lately which is making me super anxious most of the time bc i really need to get everything done by august😭😭 but yeah writing has helped me A LOT in shifting my thoughts and making me feel better, i hope i am taking care of myself enough

how about you dana? are you taking care of yourself ? - 🍋🍋

omg just sleep LMAO just fkin sleep it's fine tumblr isn't worth your physical health HAHAHAHHAHA yeah your 3-week test schedule sounds disgustang fam idk how you do it so props to you

omg... tbh photography is a great way to ?? learn about life?? does that make sense lol i started photography in 2013 and now i've shifted more into filming, writing and editing so it was a very nice shift and transition for me. i guess my getaway definitely includes writing fics, i'm on a video production intern right now too so i get to shoot in studios and edit the footage later on. i was supposed to go on a chill photoshoot with a friend but covid said fuck you LMAO but i might get paid to help my freshies do their committee photoshoot at the end of the year so that'll be a blast. i love brainstorming themes for photoshoots and like templating designs - i think i'm an all-rounded creative person, as in into creatives [not boasting about... my creativity] but i definitely love the freedom in expression and i'm starting to realise that i'm picking up every single medium i could possibly utilise to exploit this freedom of expression thing: writing, dancing, filming, photography, creative designs, you name it LOL

yes niki was a shawol!! he went for a tokyo dome concert of shinee's and key hugged him while he cried LMAO he said it was like 2014 or smth which meant that niki was fucken... 9... stanning enha has been a JOURNEY for me because all this while i've been stanning groups that are generally older than me. even with skz jeongin i began to feel a tad awkward because he's younger, and with txt i basically couldn't whole-heartedly stan them because 3/5 of them are younger than me... then you have enha whose maknae is younger than my sister?! like... fam... how... why... am i that old now... omg

yeah i am on holiday! my sem ended in late april and since then i've been pretty much rotting at home, handling my intern projects, writing, learning some choreos for more covers and sobbing over kdramas owo the tissues wasted LMAO i love this break for myself honestly cause the sem was such a shitshow and i lost a friend or two over some nonsense and i had conflict with a couple of others too so while i do miss their nonsense, i really need the time away from these idiots who act like 5 year olds sometimes

omg i hope your supervisor knows not to pressure you too much, like work-life balance is a thing there right... >.>

i'm so happy you're writing that shit out. back before i began to write i felt so suffocated and i can't imagine my life if i didn't go into writing so i'm glad you found this portal to escape, even if it is for a moment!

i'm taking of myself... by keeping myself at home LMAO i haven't seen friends for like... weeks now, which is pretty surprising given the circumstances, because we're not on lockdown and you can still go out in pairs and i've had friends trying to get me out of the house to hang but i'm... so lazy... and frankly just uninterested in a social life now. idk how i shd feel about that, it's like the introvert rlly hopped the fuck out after i spent majority of the past sem acting like an extrovert.

if you consider sleeping at 4am every night taking care of myself then HEY i guess im fit as a pickle HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

[smutav]

So i posted the pictures I had for my xray and comic in this post here and I said id wait a year but I’ve decided I need to lay this project to rest and move on to what comes next. Its under the cut because its mad king heavy

the old man part was fully scripted out so I’m going to throw the script in here first then it’ll be just notes for the general plotline

(M) Old Man   = O1 / (J) Old Man   = O2 / Xray          = X / Vav           = V

we come in on Xray and Vav coming onto the scene but we start lookin at the old men

O2: "Uh Oh, the calvaries here" O1: "issit the popo? tell them they cant make me go back... to that horrible home... fulla old people..." O2: "No.. its those spandex kids again" O1: "Oh, the blue one confused me... so blue jus like those dirty cops" O2: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE" [O2 throws something that lands nowhere near xray and vav] V : "Look you have to stop causing a ruckus!" O1: "ah ah ah prettyboy we got da bomb" O2: "Thats right if you get in our way it'll be a real stinker!" O1: "Uh Ohhhh"

X : "you have got to be kidding me" O1: "I'm too old for kidding, im old-ding over here" V : "What are you doing with a bomb!?" O2: "We've got demands!" O1: "Oh yeah lots of demands!" O2: "We want.... Pudding!" O1: "Oh yeah and none of that rice shit in there" O2: "get that rice out of our pudding no chunks!" O1: "itsa chokin hazard, I almost died when they had that at the home" O2: "thats why we left they was tryna kill us" O1: "But you only show up to stop two guys havin fun" O2: "Ya punks!" [Vav has snuck over to the obviously hidden 'stink bomb' and gags when he sees whats under the cover]

O2: "Ey!" [he smacks Vav with a cane] "gettaway from there" O1: "These two have no manners" O2: "they jus go touchin stuff that doesnt belong to them!" O1: "Well two can play at that game" [he moves towards Xray pointing at his glasses] "I want those" X : "How about I give you this instead" [he shoots a lazer at the old guy but it bounces off his walker] O1: "uh oh you shouldn't have done that" X : "oh yeah what if i do it again" [it really has the same result smart guy]

[Vav at the same time is dealing with.. a really slow old guy. and he dodges a punch an the old guy just keeps goin down and hits the ground] O2: "Ah! I'm hit thats it for me! [he tries to get up but just knocks himself over again] it's over for me I'm deadd. You killed me ya bastard" V : "I really didn--" O2: "this blood is on your handssss ohhh im goinnnn" [Vav backs off while the old man keeps slowly 'dying' to help out with Xray who's wrestling for his glasses from O1]

X : "Youre smudging up my glasses!" O1: "oh i'll do more than that" [he moves to take a lick at them] X : "no you dont!" [He punches the old man square in the jaw] O1: [catches himself on the walker] "you want a boxing match, i used ta have the belt ya know" [he lands a punch on xray who doesnt even flinch]

V : [Vav comes up from behind and pulls the old man away] O1: "No he's got me!" [he flails a bit but ineffectively to get out] "this is just like the 40s you cant stop all this" V : "We're sending you both back to the old folks home just stay there this time!" O1: "You'll never keep us caged! We'll always be ba-- Oh no is this a heart attack? Ma is that you in the light I'm-- I'm comin... comin to kick your dead ass" [and he's dead]

[Xray and Vav dump the old guys on an elderly bus they're used to dealing with these guys 'dying' and approach the stink bomb which is the stink jug but theres wires and stuff attached to supposedly detonate it] X: "Well I guess we'll have to deal with this" [he kicks the 'stink bomb' and Vav goes green] V: "I guess it'd be best to get it to Hilda she'll know how to get rid of it" X: "right lets go" [he starts walking leaving Vav to carry the barrel, poor vav]

I hope the notes after this make sense plot wise a lot of it was going to be explored deeper as we get drawing XDD ((also you get all my note writing jokes that i make to myself))

V = xray and vav / K = mad king / R  = rimmy tim / M = mogar

(V) - I need,, some basic everyday hero biz to start the story with - tIME TO THROW THE OLD MEN IN THERE (K) - He decides to try out his powers a lil test run ((around Hilda's lab)) - Xray and Vav crash the party ofc - He gets by them EASY slow mo can't do much against teleporting - He didn't have much of a goal for it but, now he knows he has the upper hand on Xray and Vav - He leaves victorious (V) - He gets the business end of a run in with ender ryan - What was that?? he can teleport?? - Well we have to figure something out! (R) - Rimmy Tim runs into Mad King - Which is wild! thought he was dead! - but he does have some weird ass shit going on (K) - Wow running into Rimmy Tim isnt that neat? - He pays no mind to the Battle Buddy (R) - Rimmy Tim is crashing at Jake's place ((to be relevant)) - He also meets Xray and Vav but nobody knows what his full deal is ((and theyre distracted from having they ass kicked))

(V) - Vav is the plan guy - They get intel that he has a weird power source - it gave him the powers so if they can figure it out maybe they can take them away! - We'll need to be stealthy boys... - MOGAR! - ask mogar for help, he distract while they sneak in and nab the gem (M) - The plan involves Mogar fighting Mad King up front - Mogar runs into Rimmy Tim and is suspicious of him (K) - Ofc he knew Xray and Vav would make a plan - Mogar comes to fight him aw they just decided to send a fwiend - Mad King is busy beating Mogar and doesn't notice that they got the gem ((Uh Oh! Plothole!)) (M) - They dont see him at the meeting place (K) - He Notices when he decides to experiment with it and tries out a lesser power source - Resulting in Zombie Mogar

(V) - They HAVE to find Mogar - poking around the outside for a sign of him they find his sword in the dumpster - thats,,, not good - its really heavy but if vav straps it to his back he can handle it - they wind up splitting up for any sign of Mogar (K) - Well if you're going to be rude about it - [teleports in the streets] - Have it your way do what you want - [and he leaves Mogar there] - when he teleports back Rimmy Tim is there and he quips ab how convenient tping is (R) - MK has him get rid of the new power source obviously a failure (V) - It gets dark but vav hears a noise in the alley - He finds Mogar! But he's eating something - Mogar growls and starts running at him - *british screaming* - As he BOOKS IT around a corner Xray runs into him and Vav just grabs his arm - NO TIME TO EXPLAIN - so what the plans just fucking run - oh wait thats Jake's van - *climbs in* wEHAVE TO GO HIT THE GAS - bro its a red light - iTS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THERES NO TRAFFIC JUST - Mogar jumps on the vAAAAAAAA - Thats enough to convince Jake she slams on the gas - " you guys are paying for any tickets i get"

((for context, Jake is my oc she has an ask blog that I was planning to use to be like in between she and rimmy tim are hanging out and you might find out things from interacting w her. But for character knowledge she’s an appliance installer that works with The Monarchy’s Servants. Which that is the company that installs the stuff that comes out of Monarch Labs. there was also a whole bit where she and rimmy tim would be hanging out and he’d be joking like oh do you ever go in like “ah m’lord!! is this installation to your liking thank you m’lord!!” and she’d goof back if he ever had a house for her to install shit in she’d do it just for him.

and for how Jake and Rimmy tim met it was at 3am dennys a few years ago and they been buds ever since))

(R) - Jake's checking on her van later and Rimmy Tim comes out to give a hand - and he asks what happened and she's shaking a lil - she just leaves it as hero biz as usual she thinks (V) - bloody hell we have to help mogar! - yeah what did Mad King do to him! - they gotta bait and catch him (R) - Jake gets a call from xray and vav asking for help getting mogar to a lab - Rimmy Tim tags along and gets to see Mogar (M) - Xray and Vav catch mogar and have him leashed in the lab - But?? Is he dangerous?? Can he contaminate others??

(R) - This is wrong - RYAN is wrong - Rimmy Tim,, Has to do something - discussion doesnt work, Ryan's just a wall discussion wise - theres no talking him out of anything he's too absorbed (V) - Mogar has good moments - reference the rotten flesh test w vav (K) - Rimmy Tim is getting increasingly worried ab him - Rimmy Tim mentions Mogar - Well it wasn't on PURPOSE - but yeah i did that - No, I don't particularly know how to reverse it (R) - Rimmy Tim tries talking hey what if we just did this partner like - Nothing can beat the battle buddies then this can all be done right? - Mad King brushes him off and tells him to stay out of his business - Ryan gets caught in the rain - He claws Rimmy's face oh no! his money maker! - Rimmy Tim decides enough is enough and leaves to help Xray and Vav fix this,,, fix him,,, (V) - They hear Mad King in the rain - hhhhh i dont want to deal with more monsterrrrssss - Rimmy Tim joins the team! - he explains his history with Mad King - and how he's worried - wORRIED LOOK WHAT HE'S DONE TO MOGAR - He digs out the lesser power source that was used on Mogar - THIS made THAT *points at Mogar* (K) - Mad King is bandaged and goes to sleep off the pain and *emotions* (gross) of the evening - as he drifts off instead of dreaming he finds himself seeing through Jeremy's damaged eye - He just sees xray and vav but he cant hear a word - needless to say he feel betrayed

(Finale leadup)

- they need a plan to catch MK - Xray and Vav decide to drill RT ab possible weaknesses - he doesnt have much to contribute though they havent worked together in years and he didnt have all this magic junk going on. - and all RT's seen of the magic junk is teleporting - Well have you seen his hideout? can you explain like layout or whats going on there - oh fuck yeah i guess that is intel lemme sketch it out

- Hilda is playing around with whats the difference between the gem they stole from MK and the one that RT says changed Mogar - Mayhaps after some experimentation gone wrong she figures they cant use the thing against him but need a device that'll remove that specific energy - so you know a SUCKING machine - While she's working so closely with this she starts having enderhilda dreams but like when she's awake shes like yeah thats neat but you aint caught my interest you dumb gem

- Wait RT if you and MK used to be in cahoots do you have any powers that can beat him? - I got guns we were guns for hire you know battle buddies - wot MK doesnt use guns he plays mind games - well yeah NOW he does he uh-- didnt have it all together after our last mission

(flashback)

- Battle buddies are cleaning up after a mission - they're both pretty angry like we wound up being the bad guys AGAIN how does this keep happening - RT agrees he's not a fan of dirty cash - MK comes to the conclusion if i controlled these sheeple nobody would be calling my shots and makin me do the wrong thing - come on ryan ya cant control people thats wrong - whats a little more blood on my hands if it means making things better on the whole - and MK winds up leaving the battle buddies :C

(Finale)

- Hilda comes in like hey i got your guys's sucking machine go suck off mad king or whatever - and vavs like Alright! lets make a plan lads! - then we go to MK - he can see them coming, he's gotten practice watching through RT's eyes - he gets the machine from them as theyre barely through the door - "well I was curious what this would do but what does it matter anyways" - and he's got like some full ender shadow clones to help with the fight and they all pair off ((not like an army literally just enough to pair off MK dont need an army to beat these guys)) - the real MK personally faces off RT though :) - RT "why do i get the real ryan why couldnt you face off with like vav or something" - MK "im curious if you could shoot me 'buddy'" - RT "well I doubt i'll do something but i do owe you one ;)" and he do shoot him but yeah the bullets are stopped and do nothing - MK "I do hope you brought something else if youre turning against the MAD KING you have best be prepared" - RT "what can i say" [drops gun] "I stick to my guns" [throw punch]

- but yeah after the fighting and witty dialogue clears it looks like MK do have the upper hand - RT was left bleeding out ((stabbed through with pointy fingers oooo MK got his blood literally on his hands)) - While MK is monologuing RT sneaks into the bathroom which MK pauses mid monologue when he sees a flash of RT's bloody hand reaching for the showerhead - cant believe that fuck - and RT comes out and hoses him down ((yes it reaches that far LOOK its got a long hose)) - then MK's on the ground fucking sizzling - vav's like oh right! and jumps up to get the sucking machine and they use it on MK

(epilogue)

- Jake drops RT off where they got MK locked up and shes like "do what u gotta do man" and RT's like "thanks for understanding bud" - and he gets in MK shifts to look at him - RT starts to apologize for ruining his plan but gets interrupted as MK says "you were right" - which is a SHOCKING thing to hear from that guy - and mad king is like "thank you" - and we end on "anytime buddy."

so that was my plot I havent been kidding when I said it was a long comic plan. Its been heartbreaking to have this whole thing ripped from me but I can’t tell a story about friendship w a manipulator. 

I’m not sure how long it’ll be until I actually get another thing started but I hope its soon because I was very excited to share a good long story with the xray and vav fandom and I thought this plot wouldve been like a good season worth of content

I had some draws tagged under “#its all connected” and they were all me working on this idea before I actually decided to write it out and try for a whole comic after being inspired by some close friends and the good at being bad animation collab

[negasonicimagines]

Gladdest (Soulmate AU)

For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.

warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.

I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.

You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.

It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?

“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.

“What’s up?” you ask.

“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”

“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.

“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.

“No, can’t be,” you agree.

“Could be,” she reminds you.

“It’d make sense,” you admit.

“I hate everyone else but you.”

“We could try to find out,” you suggest.

She pinches herself.

“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.

“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”

You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.

“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.

“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”

“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.

“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.

“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.

“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.

“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”

“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”

You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.

“Oh, so now you’re shy?”

“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.

“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”

“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.

“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.

“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”

“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”

“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you.  “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”

“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?

“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.

“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.

“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”

You blush again.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”

“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.

“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”

“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.

“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”

“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”

You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.

“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”

“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.

“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”

“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.

“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.

You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.

“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”

You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”

“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.

“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”

“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.

Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.

“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.

“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.

“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”

Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”

“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.

“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.

“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.

“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”

“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.

“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.

“I think that’s how that works, babe.”

Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.

“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”

“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”

She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.

“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”

“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”

“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”

“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”

“I’m gladder,” you tease.

“I’m gladdest...”

[polyamorous-mysme]

if you havent seen it yet i have a post with all of my favorites + a few others right here with how they got together! BUT i havent looked at it in so long so if there were any you had in mind or if you’re itching for any additions, feel free to send in some more! 

as for now . . . hmmmm . . .

707 x Yoosung (w 707′s good end)

gamer bfs to the max.

really love the idea of yoosung being the one who cares most about making sure seven is eating and sleeping while in the hospital visiting saeran, sneaking both of them meals he got recipes from his mom for cause he volunteered there and some of the staff still remembers him and his cousin

and like when seven has to leave to take care of things yoosung offers to stay w saeran and like it’s yoosung who really coaxes him out of his shell even just a bit

realizes he likes sweets and games so he brings cookies and a deck of cards and 707 leaves to go do some work and they just go ape shitt

and like eventually its to the point where saeran is actually getting better and yoosung can finally work on convincing seven to let him have his space and make sure seven’s taking care of himself too and so since they cant be at the hospital at night or on certain days of the week/month anyway yoosung starts inviting himself over with his computer and asking 707 to show him where he got his rarer LOLOL loot and seven teaches him some basic coding to help him build a website for some weird school project yoosung’s been neglecting for months that’s due like, in two weeks

and seven starts going to the hospital later so he can swing by and pick up yoosung on the way so they can go grab some food from saeran’s favorite places or for food he’s never had before bc he’s hell-bent on making sure his brother eats some fuckin poke

and even after saeran’s better and part of the RFA yoosung finds himself coming over to bring lunch and play games with seven and seven drags himself over to yoosung’s for homework at least twice a week (and threatens yoosung to lock him out of his house if he’s prioritizing gaming at seven’s over his work)

and like. seven and yoosung both having crises when w saeran about wow . . . i love hanging out with him so much i dont understand why it hurts so much:( we are just bros being bros and saeran’s like are u fucking fr rn please,

seven: completely fucking oblivious about the entire thing

yoosung: completely useless about the whole thing

until saeran literally stops yoosung while they’re chilling making snacks one day and he’s like “hey dude tell that man how you feel because you guys are driving me nucking futs. also i dont care.”

and yoosung like. finally tells him during one of their #seshes he just stops and goes “seven . . . i think im in love with you” and seven goes. “what, like as a friend?” and you can hear saeran eavesdropping in the kitchen just groan and go “DUDE HE WANTS TO DATE YOU”

[whaleyoufeedmenuggets]

Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)

ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

common report book comments included

- very active

- bright

- “the live wire of the class”

- usually distracted but still does well

- mischievous

- playful

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday

7. earbuds or headphones?

def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

making up excuses to skip pe

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

belvitas before morning practice

croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice

if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol

if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal

12. name of your favorite playlist?

it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

gummy bears/sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

death of a salesman - arthur miller

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

a pair of asics sneakers

18. ideal weather?

15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)

19. sleeping position?

on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute

21. obsession from childhood?

frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)

22. role model?

a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.

23. strange habits?

i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something.  like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.

24. favorite crystal?

idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.

25. first song you remember hearing?

uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.

do u see a pattern here

28. five songs to describe you?

jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)

avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)

high hopes - p!atd

astronaut - simple plan

the reckless and the brave - all time low

29. best way to bond with you?

doing dumb shit with me

also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with

30. places that you find sacred?

idk

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a hoodie and sweatpants

for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time

32. top five favorite vines?

I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN

this bitch empty. yeet.

im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM

the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut

road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)

35. average time you fall asleep?

i’d say 12:30-1ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

ngl i havent had either of them before

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

idk man depends on my mood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

shirt and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a fineapple B)

lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

here for a good time not for a long time

never give up without a fight

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:

- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life

- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that

- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.

51. current stresses?

- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)

- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)

- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh

52. favorite font?

avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i…havent had a real job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.

56. favorite tradition?

chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???

- i’m somewhat decent at lettering…i think

- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge

- i’m decent at photography…i guess….

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

yeet

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

pokemon !!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP

62. seven characters you relate to?

JAKE PERALTA - b99

rosa diaz - b99

linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)

dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)

percy jackson

kale bae /winks/

mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/

63. five songs that would play in your club?

idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist

64. favorite website from your childhood?

club penguin !!!

65. any permanent scars?

yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont have any

67. good luck charms?

i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.

also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

red food coloring is derived from beetles

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.

72. worst subject?

chinese

besides that, math and physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries

also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

tater tots

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

its the same photo for both so yeAh

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

idk i always called them fireflies

82. pc or console?

console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS

83. writing or drawing?

drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)

84. podcasts or talk radio?

neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss

84. barbie or polly pocket?

neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies

87. your greatest fear?

losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)

88. your greatest wish?

rn, for my essay to write itself

for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)

for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my mom

90. luckiest mistake?

i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)

93. nicknames?

deb

debs

debo

debbo

alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others

94. favorite season?

spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)

95. favorite app on your phone?

insta/tumblr/telegram

96. desktop background?

a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s

98. favorite historical era?

uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet

also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool

[strangeryousee]

Not really one to post a lot of personal stuff here but my blog is dead so this seemed pretty close to throwing my grief into the void and pretending someone is listening.... rather than continuing to hold it in. You know how it goes, you start feeling like youre annoying your friends so you keep to yourself for a while, then some shit happens and you have no one to turn to, you dont want to give your friends your emotional turmoil.... and then it snowballs and grows. And youre facing it alone. And then you get stuck in your own head, and youre fighting to stay afloat in there but maintaining that everything is a-ok and putting on a brave face for everyone around you because youve decided you arent going to burden them with your bullshit...... And then it starts to feel like youre invisible. The Catalyst: The only man Ive ever really loved (And I did love him, Ive avoided admitting that for a long time, but I did), the only man I have ever let touch me.... I realized earlier this week that I just.... dont feel anything for him anymore. And thats for the best. I know it is. He never did love me back, it was a totally one sided, drawn out affair. I cant even in good conscience call it a relationship. It was a dysfunctional, lustful friendship and convenient hook-up at best. But after over TWO YEARS of that dysfunctional friendship its still pretty daunting to wake up one day and realize youve just.... become numb to something.... SomeONE that used to mean SO MUCH to you. Even though I knew it was bound to happen, I knew I couldnt be smitten forever and that one day he would finally push me too far and the rose colored glasses would fall off for good... its still.... fucking depressing, is what it is. He and I went from texting DAILY and hanging out once every week or two...  to hardly speaking. Which we had done once or twice before for a month or two but always because of a fight. Not this time, no, this time we both just... sort of.... stopped contacting each other for no reason. Even though Im more or less ok with us not communicating (especially) while I work through this it still leaves a large emotional gap in my life. Even if it was meaningless and habitual, It was still someone.... contacting me EVERY DAY to ask how Im doing. And even though I dont particularly want to speak to him right now it still hurts to think that hes just as ambivalent to the sudden change as I am. I so badly wanted to mean as much to him as he did to me. I wanted that for SO long, and it never happened. I feel like Im on a hair trigger because of all of this. Everything is wildly more upsetting and personal than it should be. And I cant convince my mouth to open and to just TELL anyone whats wrong because I know my friends are suffering from the same compassion fatigue as I am. I was messing with this guy for two years, they are beyond done hearing about it all. Then there was a new friend in my life that may have possibly contributed to my change in heart. He possessed a lot of the qualities the lover lacked and he was sort of sweet on me, flirtatious, generous. I was flattered, hes a really attractive guy. But as soon as things even HINTED at a “more than friends” level and I realized I might honestly "have a crush” on this friend I completely froze him out. Not intentionally. I just- I seized up, I got scared. Insecure. I can barely choke out a hello or look him in the eyes now. Even though this guy and I were friends he seems to have responded to my abrupt cold shouldering with an equally cold shoulder... and moved on to other pursuits more receptive to his attention. And I cant blame him, were still friends, even if I dont know how to act around him right now, I know were still friends, I just also know hes too conventionally attractive and young to waste too much time on a fish thats not biting (especially since we BOTH tend to be the “I dont speak unless spoken to” type) Watching this new friend change gears so quickly and easily sent me on a downward spiral with my own self esteem though. So Ive.... hurt my own damn feelings, basically, and Im not emotionally equipped to handle it at the moment. Or equipped to handle anything. I left work an hour early because I burst into tears and couldnt stop and I am NOT the kind of person who lets anyone see me cry. I have a mountain of projects on my art desk I havent touched, have no desire to touch. I cant sleep. No appetite. My roommate is basically holding my hand at this point to make sure I do adult things on time and correctly like pay my bills and make a doctors appointment. I keep yo-yoing between emotionally oversaturated and feeling empty. Im just an.... eggshell. Hollow and fragile. I dont think anyone in their right mind will read this pity party all the way to its end but if you do, god bless you, thanks for listening, Im sorry, I dont even have the energy to make this anecdotal or fun to read. Thank you for coming to my fear-of-intimacy Ted Talk. Have a good night.

[kosmicdream]

hey!!! i just read to the most recent update of ffak (my favorite webcomic ive ever read tbh) and i kinda wanna try making my own. did you have the whole story planned out before you started or is it an ongoing thing? also how did you make the website for it? thank you for making such a cool comic!

Thank you so much!! And let me try to figure out a way to answer this properly. My process is a bit complicated to explain because it is very organic. Its almost like I am never done writing it, because I am always letting it grow/stretch and explore as I think about ffak every day, and every night before sleeping I’ll try to brainstorm things I havent thought of. So spending that much mental energy on something, you never really get ‘done’ with writing a story. Even when i eventually finish ffak, im sure i will be still working on it (or things I would have wanted to do.)

However!! Before i started working on ffak, when it was just called HELP! i established many things narratively that I stuck to and have not changed about the story. So I think the process of this comic, in a simple way, could have been broken down like this in.. stages?

1) I laid down the basic framework of the world, such as the functions of king worms specifically, the aiguille family, helpers, several characters (some havent even appeared in the comic yet!), king leadman, as well as antony/rome’s narrative arc/dynamic. that way their character arc was already figured out before the comic started and I knew it would be the central ‘root’ of the story. I knew how i wanted Rome to be introduced, and how he would meet canary, not knowing the connection between canary and his brother. I had a rough idea, even from here, how their character arc would come to a point (and basically what sorts of things the story would likely eventually close on) I also knew the general setting was on moons and how the humans got there, and how advanced society was, and what the red lights “really" were and what they meant..i figured out what ‘vein’ was here.. ect.. many worldbuilding things!!!It might sound intimidating, but this process happened very quickly. I basically figured this out in the.. day? before i started working. I have had a lot of experience with roleplaying so i think that helps with me making quick decisions. I knew i had enough to work with that I didn’t feel intimidated to start actually drawing it out-- especially because i had the rome/antony thing already set down. 2) Then when I actually started to work, things started to develop very quickly. I knew basically all i needed to for Hekatons before i got to introduce knife (their origins, history, involvement in present day politics) and before ch6 i also wrote all of the “supporting cast” (at the time) which included dylan, fork/spoon/knife, paper/scissor/rock. So i ws able to write Thumb and Heel, and set up the overall dynamic of what the world was like in the present day. (also Spoon/Scissor’s connection.) Cash was actually written in the first batch of characters oops, but her design really became more detailed during this stage because of scissor. 3) then things got more complicated as i dug deeper into the past, and wanted to include crimson. So!! I fleshed out the origin and true history of this world. basically as soon as crimson appeared I had everything in place and felt comfortable enough to include crimson, who borrowed many things narratively from a character i roleplayed for years. Anyway, i figured out all of the deep past of the world and decided to draw it out since it was so interesting in ch 9/10. I think this was around in the 2nd chapter when i figured this out, but my memory is fuzzy. I know by the time i did the flash forward scene in ch2 i had decided many things and so all i had to do was get to them in the comic to cement it in. 4) I forget when exactly (maybe around in chapter 5 or 6) , but i decided to bring in a very old story i wrote in 2009 for good leadman’s origin story-- as i thought it would be cool to make good leadman the protagonist for this old comic i wanted to do, and that helped make the background for heel and thumb more “believable” to me because they were already symbolizing this old story i had written the entire thing of. Oh that’s something else to mention, because that world was part of a collection of stories- i was able to develop DMTIA that way because i already had this cast and just decided to merge the stories into the FFAK setting. I think when i did this, it pretty much was the final big thing to make me understand everything i needed to know about this world. All the story arcs felt pretty realized and I could see how the ending could go at this point.

I guess to summarize, is that i let things grow but also had things planned from the start and once i commit to an idea, it doesnt change. Even if it might appear somewhat frustrating to work with, i like to use them to make my next decision. sometimes that means i dont get to do all i want to do, but i still have a lot of flexibility in this setting like i wanted to have from the beginning.

Even now when i feel like pretty confident that I’ve explored every nook and cranny, I’ll decide to revisit a older storyline or facet of the world and strengthen or build on that. That’s why i ended up with so many fucking side characters because I’ll brainstorm for them for a day or two and suddenly have a lot of material i know wont even “technically” go into the story even though its there. (like, Spot for example was not meant to be so interesting, but i wrote a huge fucking story for him that obviously wont get really any attention.)

So.. its ongoing and it is also not ongoing and hasnt been for quite a long time now? (after two years of constant work it felt.. really complete and done in a lot of ways. we are now currently on year three, moving to year four!) I think the best thing to do is to keep in mind what kinds of methods for writing make you feel comfortable and is your natural brain-pace. I like working with an aspect of fluidity and room for growth and flexibility because i don’t like being boxed in or “outgrowing” my project too fast. So keeping that in mind, i designed ffak to be a comic where it could grow with me and change. that’s pretty much why i decided worms would be a great subject and theme to work with because they are characters that naturally, evolve and change based on what they eat and absorb. plus the themes in ffak just are so fun to work with i will never be bored of it. structuring a project with these things in mind for when i run into walls or feel unmotivated have kept me engaged. I think that is part of why i cannot let it go because I still feel really excited to write and contribute ideas to it.

However, Chapter 12 really feels like I’m settling back down to my original plans and taking my time and patience to communicating all the structured planning ive put into it. I’m not letting it grow the same way anymore because it doesnt need to. I feel comfortable with understanding its voice/style and pacing and im no longer recovering from the uhh.. shock of it existing? I promise that once you actually start making a comic, its a wholly different experience than just it being in your head. and it will sound, look, and feel different than what you thought it would be-- that in itself has influenced a lot of change in ffak because honestly at first i was not expecting to draw it so explicit. that was difficult to get used to but im happy to have embraced that aspect of my work.

So HMM.. I made a strong spine or foundational backbone in the beginning before i started, then fleshed it out as i was in the process of making it, and i always continue to leave room for it to grow. just not grow in EVERY aspect anymore. i also dont chop down branches, but i try to hone in on specific things to make them more clear. i think chopping stuff down and removing things is generally not the best to do because its easier to build up and work with what you have than make big retcons after youve already started or established. also the challenge of working with limitations makes you feel that needed bit of pressure to really commit to your work in the moment of making it and i feel like its helped make me more serious and confident about what i write about. I never feel lost on what to do because if I cover and figure out something, that’s how it is. I make it work regardless! 

everything is done with careful consciousness to the overall balance and product of the story, while also not suffocating it in a box of limitations of what it could be. i treat it like a living thing in my mind and heart and that means i work to have thoughtful conversations with it and myself about what its needs are, what my needs are, what i want to do with it and what it wants to be.. ect. its almost a spiritual thing really. i feel like its important to always reflect and engage with your art and art process to feel a stronger connection and purpose behind what you are deciding to do and what it means to you. i am probably repeating myself a little here but!!!!!! its worth saying!!!!!!!!! 

I also really think it adds to the interesting and fun “layers” to the story, as there has been different stages to its development and it brings in different feelings with each layer. But then the older or more ‘’foundational’’ ones pop in and they seem to give off a different atmosphere (antony and rome) vrs some of the newer additions (like jacket) who are more for shallow, fun decoration or an interesting potential to explore in the future. Like, Jacket is not a character that has a lot of foundational plot connected to him, but he’s an interesting development in terms of the potential of a worm and symbolizes that early-ffak-mindset of growth and experimentation. so i think it makes him a really unique and fun character because he embodies a lot of new and old aspects of ffak’s narrative and my journey with working on the comic.

I could go on and on, but I hope this sort of gives some insight to my process and how I write/work. because in a lot of ways, it isn’t linear. just like how my comic is! sometimes this makes ffak very disorienting for people to read, but if you keep in mind that ffak is very organic and personally tailored to my mannerisms  and with that in mind, it makes a lot more sense why it is how it is and the patterns in it become much more apparent. Anyway! thank you for reading and good luck working on your own stories! it can be challenging but i think it is absolutely worth the effort. 

Also i did not make the website, my good friend Tegan did. :3 i do not know anything about websites.

[itskimtaehyung]

life updates

I feel like i’ve been kind of MIA lately in terms of updating tumblr and all that. Like usually nowadays I just fill up my queue and then log off and I dont really make that many personal posts or original content all that much lately.

Firstly, I want to update you all on all the new stuff I’ve been working on. I started a new painting series which is basically a Yeontan BT21 crossover. I have some ideas for continuing that circle painting series with OT7. I have Yoongi finished and I chose a color scheme for Hoseok. I did a painting for Hoseok’s birthday and I tried a new style that I’ve never done before and I’m really happy with how it turned out I can’t wait for you guys to see it!

In terms of writing, I’m currently working on a YoongixReader fic but it’s going slowly mainly because it’s kind of based on my life and I want to tell the story properly. I have a few scenes writing for some other fics but I don’t have concrete ideas or plots for them yet and I don’t know if I ever will. I plan on finishing the Always series but I’m not happy with the original plan I had for the series so I still have to rewrite my original ending. As for Jeon Jungkook is dead, I wrote part 1 very spur of the moment and honestly I dont remember what I wanted for part 2. I dont know if I’ll ever finish it tbh.

Now that those are out of the way, time for personal updates. As some of you may know, I started uni back in september. Before that I was going to community college to complete my general education requirements and now I’m taking courses that are very focused on my major aka the hard stuff. Also, we’re finally getting into the rocket science courses and they’re really cool!!! My workload is a lot heavier lately and I barely have time for sleep let alone writing and drawing. I’m taking 5 classes this quarter which may or may not have been a mistake but like homegirl wants to graduate on time.

For those of you who were following me during the whole “thirst boi” thing, no, i never hooked up with him, however, he is now one of my very good friends and has introduced me to another guy who’s also become a close friend. Like one time i slept over at their place and we baked cookies and watched cartoons. 

I also mentioned a “cute boy” in one of my classes a while back. I think most of my posts were about wanting to talk to him but not knowing how. Well, I finally talked to him after midterms last quarter, we we also became very good friends. At one point I thought he really liked me. We would do homework together and he would offer to drive me home if we stayed late at the library. I was spending nearly all day everyday with him (and I still do). But sadly, I found out after the quarter ended that he has a girlfriend. tbh I still really like him and sometimes it’s hard spending so much time with him but not being able to be with him ya know? I honestly think the universe is working against me because he is literally like everything I look for in a guy. And he smells like something from my childhood???? Also one time he came over to my apartment when we had a break in between classes and he talked to my housemates and they all really got along with him and also really liked him, *sigh* You’ll see a lot of him in Yoongi in that fic i was talking about earlier.

i dont think I ever told you guys about my housemates. I’m living with one of my best friends from middle school and a few other people. Theyre all super nice and I’m so grateful to live with such amazing people. We all get along so well and have “house outings” on a regular basis. A couple of weeks ago we all went together to get 순두부 for one of their birthdays, and today three of us got pizza together after class and then four of us went together to get boba. And whenever we’re stressed or just need to wind down, we sit on the floor of the living room together (we dont have a couch or like furniture really) and talk and eat snacks and complain about our days etc. and two fo them like kpop/khh too! and we listen to it together from time to time. and we have ramen nights where some of us will cook ramen and just eat it together on the floor. we also tease each other a lot which is fun to some extent but can also be kind of annoying. one of the guys is a couple years ahead of me in school but we’re the same major so sometimes he helps me with homework. I’m also on a design project with him which is also pretty fun. I learned how to use a laser cutter for the project so that was really cool.

It’s midnight and i have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow for class but I still havent showered but im still really full from the pizza and only drank a quarter of my milk tea (its strawberry) (i luv strawberry). Anyway, that’s what’s been going on in my life for the last 5 wish months or so? to my old followers, thanks for sticking with me this long. And to my new followers, welcome, thanks for hitting that follow button. I am grateful to every single one of you for supporting me and encouraging me and giving me a safe place to complain or vent or whatever else i need to. also my housemate caught me writing this and he asked to be included in it lmao. his words were “are you writing about me? are you including any of my jokes in your post? am i not funny enough to be included in your tumblr posts?” and then he told me to tell yall that he caught me writing this and he wanted to be included. I dont think he’d ever be able to find my blog because I dont have it searchable by email nor do i use my real name but oh boy if he’s reading this, thats really creepy of you, tyler.

[brownsugar-k]

DOS:

>>> After I quit my first job I decided to go corporate. My Abuelita was a founder member of a huge company right now in Ortigas which she sent a recommendation for me to be part of that company. I had an interview and exams yet on my final interview, the Supply Manager been honest with me that they can not hire me because I am lacking experience thus they cannot just relay on the training because corporate world is different from a call center. Well, I went home heart broken but my soul is on fire to have that experience that his telling me. So, I applied to another corporate giant in the south which  is SCMC. Yes, I am part of that mall people but I dont work inside the mall & clap hands once in a while. NOPE -- not that. Anyway, I had an interview in that company which took me a month to get in. I have a lot of interviews and exams then on my final interview, the leasing manager was respectable and she's a SHE so I think I have a chance. When she interviewed me, she was so straighforward on what she needs in an employee and the plus there is that, she can speak spanish too like me. Which I think that was the real reason why I got hired. But yes, I got in. I got hired in a clerk position which means basically, is like a levelled up OJT which you do the errands and all. I was happy in a way because its morning shift and six (6x) a week job so I dont have any complain. After three (3) months I got regularized which is the first in that company to regularized someone in the third (3rd) month because usually the managers promotes their employees by the sixth (6th) month. But I guess my manager really likes me and the way I work. I was happy back then because my colleagues are like my siblings and our manager is our big Mamma hen kinda way. No one can touch us because surely our big Mamma hen will get back at them. She's smart and she know her ways in legal so I learned a lot specially Im a frustrated lawyer. All I can say, that she's good in and out of the office because she treats us differently when were outside which I saw the huge picture of professionalism. I liked her a lot. I look up to her like my new Mumma because she cares about us all which is a homey cozy feeling. Fast-forwarad, I love my job that time because of the people that I am into and the love that we have in our team is replaceable plus the manager like her, means a lot to me; but my pocket is not so happy. I was struggling to make the ends meet with my own expenditures and for the house plus the always banggit of my brother na, "baka pwede makahingi ng ganito, kasi may project kami & etc". Lets be honest for once, I am not born with a silver spoon -- but just a bronze spoon only when my Mumma is still alive, but then when she left us & went home to heaven, I have no choice but to work my ass off for my brother. With this, I didn't mind working still because I love my job because I create contracts and have them sign to big people and I was able to meet them in flesh -- thats the perks of my job that time. I was able to meet Lemon Square (which his younger than me & its just a thesis in DLSU), Cellboy (oooh, the apple of my eyes that time -- so gwapo and bango thats why I love meeting him up), and my fave Mr. Quickmelt aka Mr. Muhlach (yup as in tito ni Aga Muhlach). His my fave because he reminds me of my Abuelo who loves to make kwento and all. I remember the first time I met him, he took my whole afternoon just to sign my contract but I enjoyed his company the most. Also, my super crush the Mary Grace brothers --- when they come to the office everyone in the leasing will definitely turn their heads and will go to my office for chika. Those were the great times I had in that company. And my personal life was so busy as well like almost everynight were out to drink & spend time with each other even we go to work the next day no sleep. Had multiple sleepless nights because my boss wants to go out after work, which is fine by me. But it goes down to I needed money for my brother's expenses in school. Working there is A-OK I mean there are perks and all specially in concerts and VIP club GL's but again, it doesnt make sense anymore that time. And I came to the point that I got fed up & tired of sleepless nights just to please my boss plus I noticed that I smoke & drink a lot again just like in college which is not good. Unfortunately, even if I love the people I work there, I need to leave because I needed more money for my brother. Plus my cousin who is a manager in Makati, asked me to join her team with a good pay and thats the reason why I left. I left my boss with a heavy heart because I really like her and I know have a bright future there but I needed more plausible pay that can support me and my brother who's studying that time. Up to this date, I havent spoke with my boss and frankly, there are times when I pass by the office, I pray to see her by accident so I can caught her up to catch up which never happen. Then, let God decide on that matter.

TAKE AWAY - its ok to drink & spend time with your colleagues after work but not ALL the time. Because spending time with your family is still the best thing to do.