#i havent slept in days and honestly doubt i will now

[xxlelaxx]

I feel like the worst mom ever and I've only been at this for a day.

[menalez]

hi. you dont have to reply to this ask if you dont want to or if you do you can make it public Idm. also I dont mean to trauma dump so pls just delete this because tbh its too much. tl;dr at start Im starting to doubt my sexuality despite being in late 20s. also, tw sex, rape, csa, cocsa, etc. so, I've always known I kinda like girls and that Im more likely bi than straight. I was in love with one during highschool and I felt intense sexual attraction towards a close friend in uni. I was p far left back then so I thought this must be that demisexual thing where you only feel attraction once you get to know people LMAO. then I had some crushes on guys here and there, was virgin till 24 and then slept around way too much with guys. never had experience with a woman. now Im in proper relationship with a really nice guy. recently I started watching a show and identifies way too much with a lesbian character. like from how she acts to what she says regarding women she feels attracted to. I havent been able to sleep for past two nights and Im starting to wonder if I even feel attracted to him.

until we recently moved in together we had sex. a lot. but I had a meltdown because of past sexual trauma, all the sleeping around because of other reasons than wanting to have sex, (loneliness, low self esteem) csa and cocsa at hands of female relatives, so that also confuses me. we havent had regular sex, maybe once in a month. and last time I was hoping it to end soon and just waited it out. I dont blame my bf, hes never done anything wrong, and I was the one who told him to keep going. ofc I had told him Im bi but now Im so unsure if about what even attraction means. I honestly never felt that intense attraction towards a guy, ever. Ive felt that with several women, like random passerbyers and such. some women I couldnt take eyes off of and had to just move along because I felt like a creep (which also factors in me not wanting to look at women In That Way because thats how men look at women and its just hella confusing as a fellow woman who doesnt want to objectified by men either) Idk how much Im convincing myself I love men and society has brainwashed me. Idk what Im wishing to get out of this, Im just stressed I dont love my bf in That Way and this is just platonic love, that Ive convinced myself into doing even stuff like kissing and hugging because Thats What Im Supposed To Do.

anyway, thank you if you read it so far, thank you for your time. I would really like some advice if you have any but you also dont have to if you dont want to. btw I love your blog and if you cant tell I follow you on here. keep up the good work. <3 I hope you have a nice day!

aww that really sounds stressful and like a difficult situation anon :( honestly i think many lesbian & bi women go through some moments of doubt and confusion at least at one point in our lives so you’re not alone there. tbh i would encourage talking your feelings out with someone who knows you well and someone you trust, they can help give you perspective. sometimes we identify with something a lot that it can confuse us in many ways. and if possible, maybe experiment with women? it’s kinda hard to understand your attraction when it’s kinda just .. abstract?

to me it sounds like you may indeed be bi & maybe cycling (bi cycle) or perhaps you have a strong preference and are just realising it. however, i can’t determine your sexuality for u as i do not know you. this is why id recommend experimenting but of course you should be transparent with everyone involved (your boyfriend- idk whether you’d ask him if it’s possible to be open or something else, and whichever woman you experiment with). i overthink and doubt myself a lot and actually being with a woman definitely helped me. pushing myself to be with men to “test” whether im into them was personally highly traumatic for me so if someone thinks they’re a lesbian but has never been with a man & isn’t sure if they’re into it… id highly recommend NOT trying. getting clarity faster will never be better than not pushing your own boundaries and risking traumatising yourself. to me it sounds like you really need to be single right now and just explore yourself and try being with a woman and see how you feel from there. there’s also no shame in being unsure and not labelling your sexuality either.

also facing previous trauma like CSA especially can really make it hard to understand your sexuality, from my experience most bi & lesbian women who go through such intense confusion and identity disturbances like what u described have faced CSA too.. so you really aren’t alone there ❤️❤️ i wish you luck anon. you’ll figure it out you just need to give urself space and time

[adramaticbeauty]

Dragons and Fireflies

Waitttt! If you havent read the previous chapters I wouldnt advise reading this. Here's the link for the rest of the chapters if you need to go back. https://my.w.tt/gYNayRx9rcb

Since the ones on my tumblr...are forever lost now😔 Anyway those who read it please enjoy!

Chapter 7: Buried Memories

"Juvia is so sorry, Anna~sama. She never thought things would turn out so...complicated."

All Anna could do was carress her temples in order to calm herself down. After all she was getting older, and she couldn't let such things stress her out anymore. Unless she wanted an early grave dug of course.

" It's quite alright Juvia. It isnt as big of a deal as it seems."

Juvia couldnt help but breathe a sigh of relief at her reassuring comment. She would never forgive herself if she ever endangered the bands success with her selfishness.

"Oh thank goodness-"

"If you clean up the mess you made."

Juvia's heart stopped as she held her breath. As she took in her words silently, a million questions popped into her head. That she was too afraid to hear the answer to. What on earth did she mean by that? And the bigger question was how could she possibly even fix this mess? Anna's eyes softened as she met Juvia's worried ones.

"We need to figure out how the public would take this whole misunderstanding first and then address the situation publicly. Thats the smartest thing to do at this moment. Until then I will discuss the predicament with the Dragonflies manager."

As Juvia listened for the click of her door, she could finally breathe a sigh of relief. She had known when she had seen the photo in the paper, things would get bad. But she never thought this bad. And now the world was convinced Gray Fullbuster from the popular band 'Dragonflies' was her secret lover.

It was even worse they were competitors, both fighting for the top spot of best band. Why did she do it? Get involved with Gray Fullbuster? Her reasons were something personal to her, close to her heart that was from the past that she so desired to forget. It wasnt his looks or anything, although she couldnt deny his attractiveness.

She knew the rumors were true, after all she had seen for her own eyes the damage he could do to a woman. And she wouldnt be one of those who was affected by his charms. She refused to. She was the one who was going to teach him how women were to be treated, and not as playthings.

She was going to do it...for her. But she messed things up because of her anger, and now look at what happened. Her head was pounding with past emotions steadily creeping back from their place pushed deep down in her heart. It made her clench her fists in irritation and helplessness. Maybe she hadnt changed from all those years ago. The nightmares also flooded back to her, making her freeze in her own body. She shook in frustration with herself.

Did she even change at all? No, she wasnt that naive girl from years ago anymore, and she would never be again. Too much had happened for that. She never thought this would go so far, and affect her friends though. Her bandmates meant the world to her, and she would never hurt them purposely. After all, they saved her from her wretched life, after she had fallen so deep into despair. Gajeel...

She felt tears well up in her eyes before she couldnt help but scowl at her emotions getting the best of her once again. She chuckled dryly. She never was one for hiding her emotions, and her faces always told the world how she felt. She despised that with her entire being.

Although with Gray, it was easy to hide them, and she doubted he cared about them anyway. Thats why he was so easy to manipulate at the time. Its not like Juvia wasnt worried about her image at all. In fact it was probably tainted just by even being seen with that womanizer.

Her image in the band was supposed to be the innocent but sexy one, and men went crazy over it. Her merchandise being the most bought out in stores. She remembered when Lucy made a fuss about it, chastising Anna of giving her the wrong image for the band

And Juvia couldn't help but muffle her laughs with her hand in the background.

Her heart warmed at the memory and it made her clutch at her heart thinking of losing that small happiness. They were just taking off and already making merchandise, because Anna was sure that they would become a success fast. Juvia couldnt help but wonder that maybe Anna had made the wrong choice letting her into Fireflies.

"Juvia? Juvia! I have been calling your name for 5 minutes now!" She jumped at the sudden noise and swung her head up. She thought she had locked the door.

"Ahh Levy-san. What do you need?" Juvia asked exasperated.

She tried to wipe her stray tears quickly, turning her face in embarrassment. She hadn't even noticed she had cried. Levy did nothing but stare at her for a minute, before walking over and plopping down on the couch right beside her.

" You know, the girls are really not upset or anything. If thats what...you're crying about?"

Juvia looked into her cocoa irises and Levy met hers. They were full of worry.

"Honestly Juvia is fine. She just...regrets causing you guys so much trouble." Juvia tried to put on a smile but it came out as an obvious grimace.

"You really didnt. After all anyone who doesnt know that females have sexual needs too, know now."

"Huh???"

"Sexual needs? I read it in a reproduction book too. Apparently women have the most urge for it during pregnancy. Wait could this be-"

"Oh nooo Levy-san, this incident has nothing to do with...that."

"Oh. So not at all? You didnt...do anything?"

"Heavens no. Im not that kind of girl." Juvia gave her a reassuring smile, while Levy wiped her brow in relief.

"Cana lost 50 bucks today." She smiled staring a little too hard at her lap.

" What do you mean Levy-san?" She was beginning to feel suspicious.

"Well umm..."

"Levy..."

" Alright, alright! The girls made a bet about if you slept with Gray or not. Of course I bet that you didnt, but Cana got into my head and made me think things...something about girls needing devouring too. So I read up on it and..."

Juvia stared in disbelief as Levy squirmed under her gaze. A giggled echoed throughout the room, making Levy jump in surprise.

" Of course she did! Cana-san is always talking about things like that."

When Levy saw the laughter wasnt of anger or irritation, she laughed along too.

" Yeah, and Lucy chastised her for even thinking of you being so careless. She said' Juvia would only do dirty things like that when she's married.' "Levy took a breath before she continued.

" And then Cana said 'Listen hunny, if you have a good sex life, all the worries go away. Thats why I have no gray hair yet and ole Lucy does.' "Levy couldnt help but chuckle at her own impersonation of Cana.

Juvia laughed at her words. She wished she would have been there to hear the rest but she had been stuck in her room, hiding for at least two days. Levy placed a small pale hand on hers.

" Dont hide from us, ok Juvia? We miss you." She then gave her a tight squeeze, wrapping her arms around Juvia's whole body.

Juvia sat there, stiff as a board but she hugged her back silently. She allowed some tears to slip down now. After all this was a special moment. She had forgotten her friends were such kind souls, and they would be accepting of just about everyone. That didnt mean Juvia could just accept herself whole-heartedly though.

She would always be dirty in her own eyes. As she waved goodbye to Levy and she heard the click of her door, she laid back and stared at the white of her ceiling. What did Anna mean 'clean up her mess'? And what would that entail?

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 79

[Date: 15/03, 6:49 PM - 7:30 PM GMT]

Maxwell: “hey you guys?

I was wondering if i could ask y'all for advice”

Gyuteinnit: “What's up?”

Maxwell: “do any of y'all know a good way to get rid of headache

I woke up this morning to one and it hasn't gone away yet”

Gyuteinnit: “Try a cold pack and don't be online as much and just try to get away from the screen also possibly sleep if you can”

Maxwell: “Yeah I had been doing that mainly”

fetch: “Warm rag over the eyes and lay down, maybe shut off the lights

thats how mona helped me with mine anyway”

Gyuteinnit: “That also helps”

Maxwell: “hm....”

fetch: “You also just might need to eat or drink something”

Maxwell: “hopefully it does I havent had a headache this bad in a while

usually it goes away after i take a tylenol but its been hours now”

emuhlee: “that's not good”

Maxwell: “ey its

just a headache

itll go away eventually

i just hope sooner rather then later ha...”

emuhlee: “hopefully!”

dreaming: “if it persists you should look into it..

further”

Maxwell: “might be a little hard

not many doctors are accepting of hybrids...”

dreaming: “that sucks, hopefully you can find one..”

Maxwell: “i should be good...i might look up what type of headache it could be that might help with figuring out what caused it”

dreaming: “yeah!”

Maxwell: “it might be a tension one....i cant tell though

its not really near my forehead

more so right above my ears and then around the back”

dreaming: “that.. considering some stuff doesn't sound good...

i don't want to make you scared or anything but..”

Maxwell: “reminds me of when i used to wear a headband or something and it would be sore after ha

scared?”

fetch: “You prolly just slept on your head wrong lmao

I wake up in messed up positions all the time”

Maxwell: “yeah....what was it you were gonna say dreaming?

What?

Is something wrong?”

emuhlee: “i can't speak for them, but what i understood, is they might be a bit worried about syd's new.. headpiece.. and how it uh.. came to be.. and then, uh. you now having a headache..”

jaynoblade: “...yeah that's what i was thinking as well”

Maxwell: “....what...

no no no its not”

Mothbo: “I'd suggest staying away from Baroness/interacting with her until we get more info.”

Maxwell: “it cant be

im fine

ive jsut been sleeping on the floor so much thats it”

fetch: “yall I'm pretty sure we'd know if max had vines growing out of his head”

Maxwell: “yeah”

Mothbo: “To be fair we didn't see Syd's coming either.”

Maxwell: “id notice it when i shower or brush my hair”

Marcus: “Hey hey hey, max it’s okay”

emuhlee: “i think it's just a headache, but it's probably something we should keep in mind”

jaynoblade: “i saw what was happening to syd. none of us knew it was anything more than a headache until it... happened”

fetch: “can we talk about something else. you're just scaring him.”

Mothbo: “It will be okay, Max. I doubt it's the same thing. Try to rest and take headache meds.

Yes lets”

Marcus: “You probably slept on the floor wrong”

jaynoblade: “yeah good idea”

Marcus: “My arm is kind of numb maybe you laid on it?

Made your head sore”

fetch: “oh yeah I caught yall nappin on the floor earlier >:P”

Maxwell: “jus the idea of that happening to me....ugh....watching it happen was bad enough

yeah i....was a little tired earlier

tried to nap to get rid of the headache”

fetch: “farming awwws”

Marcus: “..you weren’t sleeping well last night

Maybe it was that too

Tossing and turning, not getting enough sleep can give you a headache too”

Maxwell: “Maybe...”

emuhlee: “Most signs point to it having to do with your sleep, so i think everything is okay, just a normal headache”

jaynoblade: “i typically find that when i get a headache, drinking a ton of water helps bc i tend to forget and then i get dehydrated"

Maxwell: “True”

Marcus: “We’ll get you some food and water just to make sure it’s not those and then we can do something low energy until you either nap or it goes away on it’s own”

Maxwell: “Could be my teeth too...”

fetch: “Yeah, you're part rat right? Their teeth grow pretty fast don't they”

emuhlee: “Do you normally have caffeine? It could be a lack of caffeine if it's something your body is used to.”

Maxwell: “Yeah I used to have things I’d chew on to keep em from growing too much but I haven’t done that in while”

[emuhlee: “Do you normally have caffeine? It could be a lack of caffeine if it's something your body is used to.”]

Maxwell: “No Mona likes it but I can’t stand the smell, makes me kind of sick”

emuhlee: “not even soda or chocolate? those have caffeine too”

Mothbo: “Tea and energy drinks too”

Maxwell: “I like chocolate but I haven’t had it for a while I’ve mostly been drinking water and milk”

[Maxwell: “Yeah I used to have things I’d chew on to keep em from growing too much but I haven’t done that in while”]

Marcus: “What kind of things do you need? I’m sure there’s something around here”

fetch: “Maybe we can get you chewies? Like hard candies or even a chew stim to keep your teeth grinded down”

[Marcus: “What kind of things do you need? I’m sure there’s something around here”]

Maxwell: “Anything like wood or something would work”

Marcus: “Does it have to be a certain kind? There’s lots of sticks and stuff outside..”

[fetch: “Maybe we can get you chewies? Like hard candies or even a chew stim to keep your teeth grinded down”]

Maxwell: “That....might be helpful thank you my last one broke a while back”

[Marcus: “Does it have to be a certain kind? There’s lots of sticks and stuff outside..”]

Maxwell: “Honestly no as long as it isn’t dirty and won’t give me splinters it’s good”

Marcus: “Okay so we get some from out there, maybe take the bark off and wash them?”

Maxwell: “Sure as long as it doesn’t break super easily”

Marcus: “Okay! I’ll go look around the backyard”

[dreaming: “have you done anything like that recently?..”]

Maxwell: “I don’t like energy drinks or such or sweets...

Hey jack...”

Jack: “hey Max!

honestly i had a pretty bad headache a few days back and it turned out i was just dehydrated.

make sure you drink plenty of water :)”

jaynoblade: “dehydration my abhorred”

Maxwell: “I’ll try”

Jack: “yeah i had like two glasses of cold water and was fine

staying away from Baroness and the Court is probably a good idea for you + the rest of Mona's crew anyways, headache or not. You're all more at risk to start off with.”

Marcus: “Okay I got some, I’ll go clean them up and bring you some food and water

And request for food max?”

[Jack: “staying away from Baroness and the Court is probably a good idea for you + the rest of Mona's crew anyways, headache or not. You're all more at risk to start off with.”]

Maxwell: “I still gotta ask her about that note though....”

Jack: “Even if it's completely unrelated. better safe than sorry. someone else can always ask for you!”

kate: “We can ask my man”

Maxwell: “And not really, maybe some thing cold? My....my mom used to say to me if I wasn’t feeling good to eat something that gave you electrolytes to feel better”

Jack: “coconut water is rad for dehydration, if you're into that sort of thing.

[Maxwell: “And not really, maybe some thing cold? My....my mom used to say to me if I wasn’t feeling good to eat something that gave you electrolytes to feel better”]

Marcus: “Okay! How about some fruits? Strawberries and watermelon boost electrolytes and that’ll help with dehydration too”

Maxwell: “I’ve always liked watermelons....”

Marcus: “Okay I’ll be right back. How do you feel about turkey and cheese sandwiches?

You need some protein”

Maxwell: “Maybe not Turkey but I like cheese....”

[Marcus: “You need some protein”]

Maxwell: “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean”

Marcus: “Okay cheese it is but I’m getting you to eat protein at some point

I’ll be right back okay?”

Maxwell: “Course”

Marcus: “I’ll just be in the kitchen if you need me”

Maxwell: “Got it”

[rainbowgelpen2000]

I saw S this weekend for the first time in over a year. Hes visiting from La and we cuddled and he slept over , and we had sex 4 times. He was so sweet and gave me two necklaces and literally the shirt off his back. I felt so estatic and high and we spent the whole night kissing and holding eachother . Hes older now and 28 and just more mature.? Hes gained some weight and its kinda nice because hes less unatainably hot and just like daddy kinda.

He said he loved me multiple times and i think i said it one time back. I mean i know he loves me but like are we in love? Could we be? He doesnt have a phone and that makes communication like non existant. I thought hed stay another night after thursday, but he left friday night and i havent heard from him since. I want to believe he will text me when he can, but then again its like, have u not been around a phone for two days? Doubtful, but not impossible. But then its like he doesnt owe me anything or have to come back over, i just wish he would.

When i came home from class he had cleaned my house and was chilling in bed, idk i had such a good time when we were together but then after not hearing from him it just makes me feel kinda sad and used :( i felt like i saw a lot of progress in him when we were together, but then i feel like he just gets eaten up by the NY gotta do something monster

My friend sara is convinced we are destined to be together in the future forever, but not yet. Its kind of an exciting thought to entertain because i think hes so wonderful and bright and kind but also like it hurts to not be together kinda.

Honestly its good this all happened bc i need to just temper my expectations. Im aware this sounds a lot like love bombing possibly, but i dont think it is, or at least not intentionally.

[snexy-the-snail]

Strange, but safe

((I havent seen the third season so plz dont kill me))

Steve Harrington was a lot of things, a hard worker, decent student, mother of six, monster slayer, a bunch of normal teen things. He always stated he wasnt a babysitter but here he was stuck with Dustin for the day. 

Honestly the kid wasnt that bad, and begrudgingly he got close to said kid. He showed him the ropes with a lot of things, and after recent events he got even closer to the little shit.

“I know 11 closed the portal, but it still scares me, like what if we missed something?” Dustin asks, leaning against Steve’s legs as the older teen wrote out his resumes. These conversations happened from time to time, and it never bothered Steve to much. It was just a part of life now. 

“I’m pretty sure we’d know by now, if that was the case kid.” He says absentmindedly. God if only he could put demogorgon slayer in his special talents. Well he could definitely put babysitter in at the least. Half the time the kids just showed up at his house, uninvited, of course, and ate all his snacks. 

“Yeah but..still.” Dustin says shifting a bit. Steve felt him settle more against his legs, he had no idea how the kid could sit like that for so long but he wasn’t going to question it.

“You having nightmares again?” Steve asks deciding to just drop the bomb. It usually happened when the little shit got overwhelmed with school or just life in general. It always sobered him up remembering how young the kid was. Dustin was only 13 and he had saved the world twice now, he had a lot of trauma to show for it too. 

“…yeah. Only..um..you..you weren’t with us a-and and it didn’t go well." 

Well no wonder the kid wasn’t sleeping. That was a lot to unpack for a 13 year old. Damn.

One slightly good thing came out of this collective fuckening though. While strange, Steve had the ability to hold things inside of him without digesting them which was also paired with the ability to basically shrink people’s sizes. 

It happened sometime after the tunnels, when Steve’s bandana fell off and he breathed the contaminated air. The only reason they had figured this out was a sleep deprived three am. meeting when they collectively couldn’t sleep. It ended with six children squashed down in his gut. While incredibly weird everyone slept better than they had in weeks. 

"So, are you hinting or do I have to drag it out of you?” Steve asks setting his resume to the side and looking down at the kid. He nudges Dustin, none too surprised when the kid climbed up onto the bed with him. He smiles tiredly and flicks the kid’s hat off. 

“M’ just nervous. Cause’ like..what if it happens again?” Dustin continues on, leaning into Steve’s side, hat going ignored. None of the kids would ask, they would always slightly hint at what they wanted, which was mildly frustrating, but Steve had a pretty good judgment by now. 

“Well, if the slim possibility it does happen again, we’ll be ready.” He says putting a hand on Dustin’s shoulder, carefully following the kid’s height down to a manageable size. 

“We kick ass together buddy, we have weapons and plans on stand by just in case.” Steve adds on, shifting Dustin into his hand, his heart melting when he felt tiny hands nervously latch onto one of his fingers. He smiles slightly at the display as he brought the kid up to his face.

“Yeah- yeah you’re right.” Dustin says grinning up at Steve. He relaxes slightly knowing that he’d be tucked away safely soon.

“We’ll always kick ass.” He says with a small grin. Steve just chuckles softly and opens his mouth, tilting his kid slowly in. It was weird how normalized this had become. If any of the kids had troubles sleeping they usually ended up at his house, then tucked away.

Dustin would never get over the feeling of immense warmth whenever he was slipped inside Steve’s mouth. It wasn’t unbearable, and at this point it meant safety and being secured tightly away from the world. He smiles a bit as he was pinned lightly against the roof of Steve’s mouth, the area going dark with the quiet clack of teeth. 

He was soaked with saliva at this point, but it didn’t stop him from being pushed around gently. He was used to the prods fully knowing Steve liked to mentally prepare himself before swallowing. He had no idea what it was like to swallow a person, and he didn’t exactly want to find out.

“You still have your bat..right?” He asks as he was pushed lightly down, a swallow threatening to pull him down if he wasn’t pressed down so firmly. Steve hummed softly which Dustin took as a yes.

They would have to better their weapon stash, for now it was time for a much needed a nap. He wondered how the rest of his friends were holding up with the whole aftermath. They would probably be joining him sooner or later. 

His thoughts came to a halt when he was being tipped forwards, giggling slightly as a loud swallow squashed his head into Steve’s throat, the tight muscles dragging him down with ease. He lazily wiggles as another loud swallow pushed him down farther, past his friend’s heart and into his stomach. He lands with a light thump. The muscle gurgled unhappily as it formed more around Dustin, gently kneading at him. 

“You good in there?” Steve asks. Like always there was a slight tone of worry in his voice. Dustin grins widely, feeling pretty good that he was safely tucked away from everything. 

“Yeah, thanks. I like totally needed this.” He says happily. He settles down into the soft flesh, easily finding a comfortable spot.

“Ya know this would be a /lot/ cooler with glow sticks or like a colored flashlight.” He adds on slyly as he relaxes. He grins when the place jolts slightly when Steve huffs at the idea.

“And have you almost lose it in my gut /again/ yeah no thank you." 

"Okay that’s completely fair..but like what if it was a bracelet?” Dustin asks. The warmth and soft noises of Steve’s body working was pretty relaxing. He found himself already dozing off.

“Ah, no. Nice try but do you really want a repeat of last time?” He felt a pressure on his back, no doubt that was Steve’s hand. Dustin leans more of his weight against it, letting a pleased sigh out when gentle fingers rubbed at him. 

Steve might have tough words but man his actions were incredibly sweet. 

“Oh come on, the adult didn’t actually know something was-” he pauses to yawn, settling down more before continuing. “Was going on.”

 He could practically feel Steve rolling his eyes at that. They had a lot of close calls, apparently adults were nosey when it was least convenient. No one outside their friend group knew what they did after all. 

“I’m not debating this with you, no glow sticks." 

The rubbing got softer before it left completely, making Dustin whine unhappily at the loss. He pouted slightly before sinking down into the stomach side, barely able to keep his eyes open. 

"You’re no fun.” He grumbles. He huffs when everything moves, jolting him around for a moment. Steve must’ve gotten into a more comfortable position. 

“Yeah yeah, now go to sleep you little shit." 

Yeah Dustin wasnt going to argue with that. He was extremely exhausted at this point. He yawns again, sleepily closing his eyes as he relaxes more into the soft flesh. 

"Thanks Steve.” Dustin says yawning again before promptly passing out. Steve smiles when his guy falls silent except for the content gurgles of his stomach settling. These kids were going to be the death of him he swore.

“Anytime you little shit."  He says smiling fondly. Now to get back to the resume. God growing up sucked.

[ssj4]

Sorry to bother you, but I keep seeing posts about a future Goten AU and I keep getting really curious! However, when I try to find links to anything about it I end up at some abandoned URLs.

SECOND TIME TRYING TO ANSWER THIS CAUSE MY IDIOT ASS FORGOT I HAD ONE TYPED OUT AND CLOSED EVERYTHING :)

some disclaimers im getting most of this from an old draft i had written about the au, i havent watched the specific scenes in dbz and dbs that these are based on in well over 2+ years so i dont remember the timeline of events that well so im sorry if some of it just straight up doesnt make sense lol

this whole thing did start out as an excuse to replace the romantic scenes with mai in dbs with goten actually so the truten themes are pretty significant but that aside future goten is a very good boy with a much different personality and outlook on things… much like how future trunks is compared to his main timeline counterpart :3c the whole thing was developed by me and my gf together and we never rly posted too much about it and the broken links you did end up finding were probably from like the one or two times we did but here u go im glad u asked 

I HOPE THE READ MORE LINK WORKS ON MOBILE IF NOT IM SORRY

the big change is it starts out with chi chi getting pregnant before goku dies of heart disease or whatever in the android saga instead of the cell saga, so even after he dies in that timeline she still has their 2nd son and he grows up in the future timeline with trunks.

when they were kids (like 10-15) goten was stronger than trunks just bc gohan and chi chi were there to teach him just a little bit. trunks and goten sparred a lot though so he was able to keep up but never really passed him. (that part isnt really important but i figured it was a nice detail that made sense)

thats when history of trunks comes into play, and they both get really serious about gohan training them. the scene in the movie where gohan knocks trunks out before flying off and getting killed is the same except now he just knocks out 2 kids instead of 1 i guess. 

i feel i gotta add that this au was created when the future trunks arc in dbs was airing, and mai was introduced as his love interest, and honestly in my opinion the scenes were written really well but i just wasnt digging the fact that before she was granted a younger appearance she was already middle aged, like she was old enough to be his mom if that makes sense. so it really isnt a dig on mai at all cause i love her and id die for her its just the romantic plot that i didnt like. so when that was airing i thought “WELL what if that was someone else” 

she’s still with them though in this timeline and she still has her younger appearance! 

the future timeline is still progressing the same as it did in canon, the androids still wrecked the place and no one was strong enough to do much about it so trunks is still set up with a time machine to meet with the other timeline. goten stays back and does his best to protect everyone while hes gone just in case

some stuff happens in between here but skip ahead to trunks coming back from the trip after the cell games i guess! lots of stuff happened obviously like trunks literally dying, spending years in the time chamber with his dad, meeting a whole gaggle of clowns that he’d only heard stories about, seeing gohan as a preteen. hes got a lot of stuff to share!!! now hes back and he can take care of the androids + cell + and goten can catch up and lifes pretty good over there! 😇

during the rebuilding period goten would spend a lot of time with chi-chi and ox-king and still slept over there occasionally which she really appreciated, and he invited trunks and bulma over there with him frequently.

despite this he wasnt present when she died as no one really expected goku black to wipe out the landscape so far from the city, but she and ox-king died along with more than half of the population. (ugh god im so sorry queen i love you😓)

as i said before mai is still here and she’s still the leader of the resistance!

events of future bulmas death is the same as well as mai originally intending to go with trunks when they meet up together in an abandoned building. goten is already there as the three of them rest up a bit and start making their way to capsule corp. goten was planning on staying behind anyways but he wanted to see the two of them off. when goku black interrupts them as they arrive, trunks and goten encourage mai to escape, seeing as she only has a gun and everyone already knows bullets arent gonna work. 

this scene is the same as it was in canon, where trunks tries to rush black but gets beaten quickly. mai trying to buy him time to let him escape is replaced with goten actually fighting him and taking a hit for trunks but getting knocked out as mai did. trunks under extreme stress from already losing his mom today assumes hes dead instantly, (he has dumb bitch disease, he didnt even check for a pulse in canon!🤔) and fires a masenko to escape into capsule on his own 

after trunks pops back in time and black is focused on searching for him, mai sneaks back in to retrieve goten (even though they told her to leave she really just ducked behind some rubble and stayed close, because she wasnt just gonna leave them!)

she takes him back to an underground bunker with other members of earths resistance and when he wakes up she tells him that trunks made it to the time machine and that hes presumably in the other timeline now. 

idk if yall remember it well but i rewatched some of the episodes just for this, and trunks in the main timeline believing goten was killed and mai is alone and he wont be able to get back is so sad. and when he spent that day with gohan and his family and cried thinking about how if black hadn’t have shown up, he couldve had a family too… he doesnt deserve to be this sad 😥

skip to when he’s finally able to get back home with goku and vegeta with him and they make their way to the bunker where he sees mai and goten together! the scene in canon where he rushes over and starts spilling his heart out is the same, with him telling goten he thought he died

they get a really sweet hug moment here when theyre both happy to see the other is still safe and it gives both goku and vegeta some Food For Thought, because goku actually didnt know there was a goten in this timeline, and he doesnt really recognize him at first. vegeta has the idea in his head that this is probably goten.

goten never really had any sort of real attachment to his dad. it makes sense hes never met him, hes only ever really heard about him through others, (his mom, his brother, trunks, and probably bulma has mentioned him as well) so he definitely knows OF him its just that, he doesnt know him. so when he sees the real goku standing there for once a lot of thoughts run though his mind, like, “that looks A LOT like goku black!” “thats definitely my old hairstyle” and “holy shit is that my dad?” but the first thing he actually says out loud is “Holy shit its goku orange” and vegeta really almost loses it because cause any doubt in his mind about this kid being related to kakarot just went right out the window cause only someone related to him would say that

and as you probably know a lot happens after that with them all finding a way to defeat zamasu but i dont want to include all of the rest when you can probably just interpret which scenes were changed  

ANYWAYS now instead of trunks surviving the apocalypse its trunks and goten surviving the apocalypse. thats why its not a really super romantic deal like Who has time for dates when goku black Might possibly be hiding in this abandoned olive garden?? so theyre just very close and privately affectionate

the ending where trunks and mai get to live in a new world with their counterparts is the same except gotens there with them of course, dbs left their ending pretty open 

so that takes care of the story changes, heres some additional details and information on gotens character in this au! 

heres his design, drawn by my girlfriend @ssj2 uwu !! 

he kept his natural hairstyle for a while, but i think he changed it sometime during the rebuilding period after the androids and just let it grow out a bunch. up until then he kept his natural style purely to honor the guy he’s heard so fondly of even if it brought him a lot of mixed feelings when people said he looks just like him. a really distinct feature about his new hairstyle is that the spikes look like horns and i love that a lot !!

and the shawl he wears was the same one chi chi wore 

some personality traits for future goten is that he has a habit of bottling up his negative emotions and has trouble taking care of himself, as hes always more focused on the well being of his loved ones. he can be mischievous and cocky but hes not overconfident (or he hasnt been since gohans death) however in some situations he can be charismatic and assertive which works really well imowhen their timeline is erased and theyre temporarily in the main timeline, goten gets to meet a bunch of people like gohan and his family, chi chi, and even his counterpart 

sorry if this post was messy i wasnt really sure how i wanted to make it look and im kinda bad at dumping information out so if any of its confusing just redirect me to it and ill try again gdjfksjdgsfk 😭❤

hmmm anyways thank u for reading!! its an au we made years ago and we love a lot and i hope u do too! be nice pls!! and send asks about it if you’d like cause its fun to think about! 

[jin-guang-ow]

ok but ever since you guys brought up pm/qyz i havent been able to stop thinking about it, theyd be such an entertaining disaster couple? none of pms usual methods work bc qyz is so uselessly oblivious and straightforward, so 9 times out of 10 hes the one that ends up flustered instead (qyz definitely accidentally declares to the entire heavens how good pm is in bed at some point and pm just wants to die) anyway what im saying is this is a gr8 ship pls take responsibility for making me ship it

Okay the thing about this ship is that it’s so ridiculous it’s impossible to not love it??? Like??? I’m not even sure what to headcanon with these two!?? Like??? Your Quan YiZhen outing Pei Ming as “good in bed” is p much on the spot he’d really do that????

Tbh, I think for a long time Pei Ming had already been playing around with QYZ, in like a joking way that is (ya nasties), so he’d tell QYZ to say certain things and then watch everyone’s reactions. Basically this is par for course behavior for him???? Taking advantage of QYZ’s naivety for fun???

I do genuinely think Pei Ming would dote on QYZ because QYZ is so naive??? He’d probably give him lots of candies and weird small things he finds (when he’s actually doing something that isn’t a woman bahahahaha)

ANYWAYS so because this ship came about because of my “who’s the best in bed?” poll and it contains Pei Ming, it’s hard for me to think about it in any other light that isn’t the papapa light tbh hahahahaha so please forgive me

I imagine they’d start their relations due to something v stupid, idk it might be like QYZ finds PM in the mortal realm probs surrounded by women or something and he’s like woah dude what are you doing here??? Not v pure of you my dude??? And Pei Ming is all “the four human pleasures are eating, drinking, playing, and enjoying. Right now I’m enjoying”

This makes QYZ v confused like what is meant by ‘enjoying’ and then one thing leads to another and PM turns into Ming Daddy™  to teach our naive god a good lesson

But QYZ is like the worst lay and isn’t v reactive the entire time. You know? Like it’s good, but it’s not blowing his mind which crushes Ming Daddy’s spirit. To be fair, he hasn’t slept with men before, though he was certain that wouldn’t be a problem with his experience???

MING DADDY DIDNT GET HIS TITLE FROM BACKING DOWN AFTER ONE BAD TIME THO, okay????

This leads to him giving QYZ a series of lessons like how to kiss properly, communicating during the papapa, so on and so forth. Both of them get much better, and it just becomes a thing????

Eventually QYZ asks if they’re lovers (since they kiss a lot and that’s a thing lovers do, right???) and Ming Daddy, king of commitment issues probably, is like woah dude CALM DOWN and thinking on his feet he’s just like we’re friends with benefits???? And Quan YiZhen is like awww sweet we’re friends how cool, I really needed one of those.

But that’s a bad idea because now Quan YiZhen is gushing about how he’s friends Pei Ming, and not just any friends but friends with benefits?????

THE ENTIRETY OF HEAVEN IS NOW OUT TO MOB PEI MING BECAUSE HE’S SULLYING THEIR PRECIOUS BOY!!!!!!! I personally believe he’d get beat up for like 10 days straight and someone has to pull Quan YiZhen aside and explain everything to him, which only makes it worse because yes, indeed, they DID do the papapa (and more than once because it’s actually quite good)

Idk they’d probably dual cultivate together, and QYZ says that they’re cultivation partners which might be a better plot for their relationship than everything else I just wrote honestly idk, but the same thing would happen with Pei Ming getting beaten up and everyone trying to explain to QYZ what dual cultivation actually is, and Quan YiZhen is like no he really puts it in, and it’s really amazing so we do it a lot

“No no no, not like putting his hand in your hand, but putting his… thing into your… place???”

“That’s exactly what we do?”

(Insert pikachu meme)

But like yeah, I could imagine it also starting because Quan YiZhen wants to increase his cultivation and he hears about dual cultivation. He doesn’t really know what is really is and assumes it’s just like holding hands and stuff, but definitely overhears that Pei Ming is very experienced with it… and if he’s going to learn to do something… he might as well learn from the master??? I think Quan YiZhen would spend a good year trying to convince Pei Ming to teach him lmao

Idk there def has to be the sad moment when Quan YiZhen gets the rude reminder that Pei Ming is/was a manwhore who’s slept around (possibly still sleeping around) with a bunch of different people and he has to confront his FEELINGS which he’d probably be okay with the fact that he liked Pei Ming, but would be upset with the rude awakening that the feelings may not be mutual or that there’s no exclusivity in their weird relationship (but wow I hate the sadness so I can’t even)

Without a doubt, Pei Ming asks Quan YiZhen to call him “Daddy” but Quan YiZhen literally doesn’t understand. “But you’re not my dad????” “That’s not really the point??? It’s more of a sexy thing?” “Why would being my dad be sexy???” Pei Ming would really try to pull out all the moves and seduce Quan YiZhen in an attempt to make him say daddy, it happens, but QYZ is still confused

Modern!AU where Pei Ming is Quan YiZhen’s sugar daddy someone make it happen???????

Idk, I’d have to reread through the parts with QYZ and Pei Ming to think of ones that are more… domestic??? Lmao really I can only think about it as experienced Pei Ming teaching naive Quan YiZhen how to have a good time :)))))) but i’m v soft for couples like this omg

[konicichan-blog]

5am thoughts: theory: Story Of Light

is it called the Story of Light because its Shinee telling us and the whole entire world that they will no longer grief in sadness and that they've moved on and accepted what has happened? I'm sure we all know Shinee may still be sad (and maybe more than that) but what if this whole album is telling us that shinee, that all the members, Minho, Onew, Key, and Taemin are ready to have a new beginning? Like, they're ready to let all the sadness go and accept what has happened and that they will continue to work and grow.

What if You&I was about them talking about Jonghyun? Like, what if this song is about them trying to talk to Jonghyun? And theyre all trying to tell him that its hard when he's gone like they dont know what to do. "I’m the only one hurting, I may look fine I’m not easy, my feelings aren’t for decoration" And like they're all reminiscing their memories with him. All those good times that they're not ready to let go of. "A handful of memories, I laugh and remember every day" (okay the lyrics arent in order but JJJJust lemme finish and fyi, its gonna be a lOoong one). "There are countless stars in my heart, there’s one star that shines painfully I don’t want to grab it but I don’t want it to go out" okay in this part i think they maybe talking about Jonghyun. Maybe the stars represent people and "theres one star that shines painfully" might be Jonghyun. A star... someone really special to them... is hurting deep inside. Maybe Shinee is trying to tell us that although a celebrity or ANY person in general who may seem happy in front of the cameras or may seem happy in the outside in general is actually in deep pain inside. Dealing with self doubt, depression and all that and we just dont know :( "The things I can’t throw away make me smile" this is kinda self explanatory. Jonghyun, someone they love, someone they deeply cherish, someone they can't simply just let go of, someone who can always make them smile. You know? "I know that you’re being honest when you wish me well I’ll let you go easy, don’t think that you’re stepping on me" this is kinda hard to explain haha ahm.. maybe as time passes by, Jonghyun's absence is telling them to let go and move on and maybe they're mad with what he did? I DONT KNOW I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! like mad, like?? how do i explain?? like maybe frustrated?? thats the best word i can think of right now riwjkrs they're frustrated but theyre not gonna blame it on him. like the good friends and brothers they are they will let it go easily.. UGH do i make sense? anyway. "I’ve let myself go to the wind and the rain that’s falling cooly But my feelings aren’t for decoration" okay so this is the part theyve told themselves that they really need yo accept what has happened. and maybe "my feelings arent for decoration" means that whatever they are feeling and whatever they are going through shouldnt be joked about in social media since its a serious matter and well ive seen some haters and some "new kpop fans" talk shit about this issue and honestly 😤 it makes me want to slap a bitch

Anyway

next song > UNDERCOVER

so the lyrics:

"I’m paddling my feet as busily underneath the surface with a calm expression on my face, You don’t know"

have u seen swans? how they paddle their legs under the water to move but above the water they seem so calm? like ballerinas, how their arms and body are always so graceful but their legs do all the work and stuff ¿¿?? okay im comparing the lyrics to swans and ballerinas because what if the boys are trying to tell us Jonghyun's situation and maybe also their's and other people who is suffering the same way? We don't always know what happens when we turn around. We don't always know when they're hurting. It's actually pretty easy to lie and fake a smile now a days so we always have to be careful with our loved ones. we dont always know what they're dealing with and one wrong move can cause a bomb to explode.

"Before the curtains rise, I’m always busy but when I’m standing before you I’m Acting cool"

Maybe theyre telling us that behind the scenes, theyre also suffering with personal or family issues. like every other person, celebrities have problems that they deal with too. they also have feelings. maybe on stage theyre smiling and having so much fun but backstage, theyre suffering? they cant breathe, they're overworked, theyre tired. sometimes they're forced to do things. Honestly for me, the kpop industry is so pressuring. you have to be this or that and if you cant you get criticized for it.

"I can’t let you know the things that are secretly happening now, now is not the time. I wait for the right moment, so that when you’ve realized it it’s too late."

Obviously most idols worry about their fans. Theyre worried when theyre fans are worried. its like a family thing we idol and fans have for each other yknow and maybe thats why sometimes they cant always speak up about whats really going on inside their mind. They cant always talk about it to the public bc sometimes people are so rude and so insensitive and leave comments like, "youre not depressed! youre just overthinking" bullshit, barbara. "you just need to hang out more" hMMmM :// ANYWAY thats why they dont really speak up alot. sometimes they cant even go to a psychiatrist privately because the media is always watching and once its on display, BOOm haters here and there talking bs and obviously WE wouldnt realize unless its TOO LATE!

"Like a black shadow is absorbed into the night, the night I dig deep beyond the consciousness, inside of you I’m Undercover"

I dont know how to begin with this.. its like once theyve hit rock bottom and they feel like nothing is gonna get better amd everything is just dark and gloomy. Maybe this is like the moving on part?? like the beginning of moving on. the depressive episode. And at first theyre just trying to hide everything. Just being undercover.

WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE UNDERCOVER BEFORE YOU&I

so they got depressed over what happened and theyre trying to hide from everybody that theyre okay but theyre not and theyre just undercover. in you&i thats when they start reminiscing about jonghyun and talking to him. telling him they miss him and that for him, they're ready to accept and let go.

OKOK SO THE NEXT SONGS ARE WHEN THEY START BEING POSITIVE AGAIN !! YES GO SHINEE !! OUR STRONG KINGS !!!

so i dont really know the sequence i mean its already fucked up in the beginning so lets just go with whatever !!!

So in GOODEVENING!

"The cozy darkness is lingering far away"

so the 'darkness' or those gloomy days and toxic vibes theyve been surrounding themselves has been slwoly disappearing. they're starting to feel a little better again. <3

"At the tip of the sunset that hangs on the buildings I think of you"

i cant explain this one and note: i havent slept and its 6am but im still trying to make this work. but i think fjksjfks ok sunsets means like the day is "ending" and like before the day ends, they remember their sufferings while they were depressed and all those sad times with Jonghyun, like those times of grief.. they remember it all before starting a new day ¿¿ I DONT KNOW im trying my best to explain it. Its like theyre finally accepting what has happened and is ready to start a new happy day

"Spill out the darkness

Open the night

I wanna see you more, right now, oh"

So the sunsets and the night has come and theyve already accepted whats happend but they want to see Jonghyun in a different light. They want to see their bestfriend and brother as someone who was happy and made others happy. They want to remember Jonghyun as someone who made his parents and everyone around him proud.

"The moonlight is rising

I’m going to you before it’s too late

I’m going to get you

Imagining how surprised you’ll be, I’m going to you

Going to you

Going to you

Without a reason, going to you"

okay this part is like giving someone a hug before they leave for their flight. Like even when hes gone hes not alone and shinee is not alone. like theyre always together. theyll always be together. "imagining how surprised you will be" nrkanfks im thinkg on how to write thus part wo sounding sarcastic. knowing what jonghyun has been through, he might have thought that he was and always will be alone... but the members are there to guide him in his travel to heaven with their prayers and theyre all hoping to surprise him ¿¿ AAAA im sorry if this sounds sarcastic or offensive i REALLY didnt mean it to be that way >·<

literally,for me anway, the whole song is about how theyll always be there for each other. even when the other is far away, it will never stop them from what they are doing. and thats why i love Shinee so much💓

In jump im not gonna add a lot of lyrics since im getting lazier. (lmao you can see my effort fading from you&i until here)

in Jump the song is about them trying to put their pieces together again. They've been broken and torn apart but they're ready to pick theirselves up again.

"I shake my head, brush it off and adjust my heart

I solidly protect my space again"

no one can recover quickly so i guess in this part, they're trying to take things slow. not too fast or anything or else they might make a wrong move and fall back to square one.

"Keep on enduring it

Just close my eyes when it feels futile for no reason"

in this part, theyre still not that strong enough so theyre telling themselves that they should just endure the pain or sadness. if it feels impossible, just close your eyes, believe and trust in yourself. theyve made it this far, why should they quit now?

"Higher, rise higher, fly

There’s the ground beneath your feet

When I travel between the two

Oh yes I feel the freedom

I jump on you, jump on you"

when they finally overcome the fear and sadness and EVERYTHING! they feel the weight lift from their shoulders and finally they feel freedom. overjoyed, they celebrate by jumping¿¿ i guess?? lmAO

"I’m not falling

I’m not wilting

It’s just changes

I turn different

And keep going forward"

this is when they realize that: nothing is going bad. everything is going just fine and everything is great. maybe they havent fully recovered yet but all those depression and pain is finally gone and theyre happy. They're different now and they realize they can finally keep moving forward without feeling to fall back down again.

"Why is that hard Why did I hesitate for such a long time Following my heart away From other people’s eyes I free the feet that were bound I let my imagination loose after a long time The wind is blowing Now I open my eyes and breathe in"

the first 2 lines is probably them asking themsleves, why didnt we do this earlier? they finally followed what their heart wanted instead of being trapped in their own mind and they finally can breathe again. they feel free and loose. they dont feel the heavy chains hanging on their shoulder anymore !

Now I can open my eyes and breathe in.

this is honestly a HUGE step for them. and im so proud?? ugh..

last song: All Day All Night

"All the moments I met you were highlight I don’t regret it, it’s just beautiful"

Theyre remembering Jonghyun more with their happy memories. How his existence highlighted mostly everything in their past. Jonghyun was such a big part of their lives and even if he was gone, they were still happy that he was able to be part of their lives and they were thankful to be a part of his.

"I start to see the world differently Yeah it’s all for you Time starts to emit a light Yeah it’s all for you Our very painful tears The joy that fills ourh hearts All for you, all for you, all for you"

Theyre doing all these wonderful things all for Jonghyun and maybe also for us too and for themselves. "Time starts to emit light" its pretty self explanatory. theyre beginning to see things in a positive way again !! So all of this, this is all for Jonghyun.

"Leave it alone, hold me and my painful scars All of it is the control"

theyre telling us to maybe accept it and move on too. To move on with them. We're all in this together and everything is in control.

So YAAS thats my theory or whatever you call it for SHINEEs album. I really do think the message hidden behind this album is deep and amazing and VERY important. I'm glad SHINEE is able to see things in a new light. Let's just keep loving and supporting them, okay??! So that's it.

The Story Of Light.

The End.

[smengus]

favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM)     there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more. 

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk)    ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8)    ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU)    to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

 ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

 this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

 yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

 ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

 yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

 yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

 ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought  ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by. 

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

 i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

 oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months. 

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

 lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

 ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ.  왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y)    this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about. 

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

 yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

 dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!

[barblebapkins]

99 to 1 boi les'go

okay FINE ILL DO IT BACKWARDS99: Do you miss anyone right now? miss anyone in particular?? no, but i do wish i was with someone rn98: Whats your favorite color? green97: Do you want kids? idk? maybe?96: Do you have kids? no95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? no?? like who over the age of 6 does that94: Who was your HS crush? haha that stays in the vault!93: If married, how long have you been married? not married! yet!92: Do you want to get married? yes hehehahehehea91: Best room for a fireplace? the living room of course90: Can you knit or crochet? nope!89: Which are better black or green olives? i dont like olives in general88: Ever have plastic surgery? nope and doubt i ever will87: Ever won a contest? nothing worth remembering86: DJ or band, at a wedding? probably DJ85: Are you patient? depends, with people i think i have a lot of patience, but with other things i can lose my temper kinda quickly84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? nope, i panic83: Can you swim well? not well at all82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? sugar81: Tea or coffee? tea80: Hot tea or cold tea? i prefer cold tea, though i havent tried much hot tea. i feel like i’d prefer hot honestly79: What was the last concert you saw? none! that aint my style78: Who would you like to see in concert? see above77: Ever been in love? yes! i am right now!76: Regularly burn incense? nope75: Own a record player? im not THAT old74: Own any record albums? NOT THAT OLD!!73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yes heaehe72: Ever won a spelling bee? no, i probably could have though71: Can you curl your tongue? yea70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? dhedhehde shes currently in graphic design but she can do whatever she wants!69: Ever take dance lessons? nope! i cant dance to save my life and im fine with that!68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? no?? i feel like someone else put this here67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? not a fan of either but probably sunflower seeds if i had to pick, cos i HATE peanuts66: Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos without a doubt65: Nike or Adidas? nike64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target. walmart is always a disaster every time i’m there, and kmart, while a nostalgic liminal space, is an awful shopping experience too63: First concert? already answered this twice haha62: What do you wear to bed? t-shirt and shorts, or just shorts, depending on how cold/hot it is61: Wear a bath robe? nope, i just wear my towel until im ready to get dressed60: Wear slippers? i own a pair but i dont really use em59: Take a vitamin daily? no but i wish i did58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time, like something specific will happen irl and ill feel like i envisioned this exact moment YEARS ago57: Do you believe in ghosts? yeah, i’ve had more than one weird experience that i cant explain any other way56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? i kinda wanted to be a chef until i realized i cant cook for SHIT55: Favorite type of fruit pie? probably cherry54: Ever eat a pierogi? yes and it WASNT GOOD53: Is Christmas stressful? now that i actually buy stuff for everyone yes it is52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? not really, i still have a bit of a soft spot for les mis51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? in school probably50: Ever used a gun? yes, and i didn’t like it.49: Do you dance in the car? i am the most introverted person in the world, you’re lucky if you can even get me INTO a car48: Do you sing in the shower? no but i hum sometimes47: Do you sing in the car? nope46: Are you afraid of heights? deathly yes. if i even look UP at like a skyscraper i get nauseous45: Ever watch soap operas? not willingly44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? i dont really watch late night stuff but ive heard letterman is a bit of a dick43: Are you stubborn? i can be with some things42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? what the FUCK is a lincoln log41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? my brother keeps renewing my gamestop subscription so i keep getting gameinformer magazines and i want it to STOP40: Are you horny? no39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? dog bork bork38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? i honestly dont remember?? like i think back on it but cant visualize any of it37: Are you lazy? haha YES36: What is your usual bedtime? whenever i WANT it to be leave me alone35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? sadness34: Favorite kind of sandwich? i rly like cold italian subs33: Ever ran out of gas? i dont rly drive so no32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? see ^31: Can you change the oil on a car? no lmao30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? youre livin in the past grandpa, these days we project our brainwaves directly into other peoples heads from across the globe!29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? AAHH what the fuck no28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? for a little while but circumstances made me have to leave27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? haha hasnt happened!26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? my favorite movie ever is probably Up25: What is your favorite food? grilled shrimp pls GIVE24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? bbq sauce mm23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? 30 x 2922: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? haha nice TRY pirates21: Whats your least favorite movie? cant think of any off the top of my head but im sure ill think of one later20: Do you still watch cartoons? i admittedly still keep up to date on steven universe and cant wait for the next episodes19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? of course!18: What is your Song of the week? sweats17: What size is your bed? i dont know and im too lazy to check, but its TOO SMALL16: How many people have you slept with this week? none, and i wouldnt ever just sleep with someone but thanks for asking i guess!!15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? yes if im nervous14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? i dont dance13: What about pooped in the woods? ew WHAT12: Have you ever peed in the woods? only cos we were camping and it was like 2 am11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? sometimes actually yeah, not for any good reason though10: What is your biggest pet peeve? nothing gets on my nerves more than dishonesty and/or uncalled for disrespect9: Do you always smile for pictures? no cos i have a BAD smile8: Do you have freckles? no but i have a lot of birthmarks7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? you cant outrun a swarm of bees6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? no wtf how old do these people think we are5: Do you like to use post-it notes? this is the FUTURE, DUDE!!4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? what the fuck who does that3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? out, but not usually on purpose cos my sheets are very loose2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? no1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? i dont have closets only dressers, soo

[stonercouple43012-blog]

Ladymaryjane here ! ♥ I’m creating this blog so I can better explain to RandyKush that after all these years of spending my life with him there is nothing or no one who can ever compare to this kind of love. I absolutely adore him. And I vow to spend everyday for the rest of my life making sure he knows that and believes that with all of his heart, mind, and soul.

So for my first post, I’m gonna tell a little bit of a story.. it all starts before these pictures were even taken. Back in 2011, we were both 17 years old, the very first time I met him ♥ but no it wasn’t love at first sight … I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend .. how romantic lol. But fate has a funny way of making things work and within just a few months we became best friends, or biffles (like we used to say). A year goes by and we only become closer, at this point our friends are asking us if we’re sure this is all “friendship” and we were both blind to it and said yes of course we’re just really close. It wasnt until shit got real and he had to face something from his past that I realized how much I really cared for this boy. It didnt take much longer for me to drop everything and profess my feelings to him, and to my surprise he was willing to give us a chance ♥ and that my friend was the beginning of a great love story.

2012- Our first year dating. I’m sure most couples could say, “we had our ups and downs”. Well luckily for us our first year was literally perfect, I mean sure the entire world could have been falling apart around us, but we were perfect. It didn’t take long for that “biffles” love to become that everything you’ve every wanted love. The picture above is the very first picture we took together as a couple, and till this day its my absolute favorite picture. I have never wanted someone more and been happier to have him ♥

2013- Year Number 2. Easily one of the best and worse years of our lives. That was the year we learned how much we truly mean to each other. We went through so much that year, from having our own rented room, the best summer ever, great jobs, then losing our room, being arrested, and then my miscarriage on top of it. I honestly would have never made it through that year without him.

2014- They say everything good comes in 3s. And boy what a year! And I mean that in the best way possible. It truly was a great year, even if we didn’t fully know it at the time. I mean of course by now we’ve been together so long that we were comfortable enough to say what we want with no filter, so our arguments didn’t always feel tolerable. And after a little rough beginning of the year with all the moving around we did, we were finally able to stabilize ourselves and we got our very first own apartment, just me and him ♥ It was seriously the best thing that ever happened to me, I felt like our life was complete. I actually think our biggest stress factor that year was the fact that our kitchen wasn’t big enough for us to host our very own thanksgiving and Christmas dinner LOL. I can say with full confidence that 2014 was our year!

2015- This year deserves its very own post. And it will have one soon.. so I’m not going to get into too much detail. This year was the year that changed our lives forever. I never thought that something like that would happen to us, but it did. And when I woke up in that hospital, I knew things we’re different. I wasn’t aware at the time and I dont think he was either, at exactly how much this really affected us. But I can say this for a fact, when I woke up the first person I wanted to see was him. And I couldn’t be more grateful to have been blessed with someone who stood by my side through my entire recovery. He slept on an uncomfortable couch for an entire week while I was admitted, he held my hand when I was in too much pain, he was understanding when I dozed off mid conversation because of the heavy medication, he even wiped me after using the bathroom because I couldn’t do it myself. But still the affect everything had on me was too much for me to handle and shortly after I was recovered we had our first break up. I was selfish and trying to figure life out on my own without realizing that my best friend, my partner, my husband needed to figure things out too, and we could have done a much better job together. It only took me 2 months to realize I made a mistake and we started hanging out again. We ended up moving all the way to MA and I was only able to stay 1 month before panicking about being all alone over there without my mom. So I came back and we continued our relationship through facetime and an occasional visit.

2016- The end of 2015 was pretty hectic with moving back and forth and then ending up separated from each other, but 2016 started off in the most perfect way possible. A friend of mine was throwing a new years party at her house and he was able to make it. So we able to finish and begin another year together. And then even better news we were able to move into my friends house into another rented room. It was great! We were so happy!! He started a new job. We were away from our home town, but not far enough for me to get scared. Later in the year I got a really good job, so things just kept getting better and better. And then of course where there’s a ME there’s a problem .. the end of the year things began to get a little shaky, but it wasn’t enough to shake us just yet. Thanks to how strong our love is we were able to hang on as much as we possibly could and we were able to close another great year.

2017- Although we havent completed our 5th year and got started on our 6th yet. I can already say this year came with a lot of lessons learnt. I almost can’t bring myself to write words for this year, because I’m living it and what I feel is so much more than anything I could ever say. This is another subject that will have its own post elaborating on everything. But I can say right now that I’ve always known that I love Randol, but I’ve never been more 100% certain with not an ounce of doubt in my mind that I want to die with this man. I want to live out every single one of my days with him. Even if I’m not deserving. This year showed me that I too need to fight for what I want. So I’m going to spend the rest of my life fighting for this man and proving to him that he is the one and only man for me. I’m so extremely grateful that he loves me as much as he does and that he’s still here with me. I fucked up. I’m sorry.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

I really havent watched TVD since around season 4... I couldnt honestly tell you whats happening the last 2 seasons.. There are 5 episodes left and to what i understand Damon is still Damon in referring to Elena.. Do you think we see Damon realize what he took and how it affected Stefan when he took Elena from him.. And finally show true remorse for his actions???

I haven’t watched since season 6. I’ve mostly kept up through seeing stuff online and friends that still watch it keep me updated, but obviously there are still a lot of details that I don’t know. I do, however, know that you’re right that Damon is still very much invested in Elena and mentions her regularly. 

As for Damon realising the impact his actions had on Stefan, I don’t think that will ever happen. We’re talking about something that happened way back in season 4. The writers swept it under the carpet a long time ago and they aren’t going to bring it back up now, even though they should. It’s actually preposterous that Damon got into a relationship with Elena, knowing she was Stefan’s ex and the love of his life and he didn’t even have the courtesy or decency to just have a conversation with Stefan, bearing in mind that it’s his brother. I just…I can’t even fathom what sort of person would do that to be honest. But according to the writers it’s totally cool and not a big deal. 

But yeah, I think the writers dealt with the aftermath of Stelena’s breakup and Delena’s get together by essentially ignoring the core issues. They avoided the fall-out by locking Stefan in a safe for months so that he was out of the way and then transferred the focus to his PTSD so that they could use that to push him back into the arms of Katherine and completely erase any issues he had with Damon and Elena. It’s actually laughable that there was zero attempt to properly address and deal with how Damon and Elena getting together affected Stefan. The writers just seemed to magically skip to a place where Stefan was egging Elena and Damon on, telling them they needed each other to be happy and whatever other crap he said. 

Damon will never admit that what he did was wrong or show any remorse for his actions regarding Elena, because its almost as though some part of him has always believed that Elena was his, like he had a right to her. So why should he feel guilty for being with the woman he loves, the woman that belongs to him? I think that’s how he sees it. He completely fails to acknowledge that it’s not about Elena, it’s not even about Elena’s relationship with Stefan, it’s about Stefan himself. As his brother, Damon should care enough about Stefan’s feelings that he understood how much it would destroy him to jump straight into bed with Elena after their break-up. But apparently, he didn’t care enough, so why would that change now? 

There are always two sides to a story and I’m not claiming that Stefan is a holy saint and Damon the devil incarnate, because I’m not naive enough to believe that. But, when it comes to Elena there is no doubt that everything about the way Damon handled himself was morally wrong. 

Interestingly Stefan challenged Damon on it a couple of times in 8x09, which was amazing, because it was really the first time he’s ever stood up for himself and called Damon out on what he did. 

You know when I gave this [the necklace] to Elena it was to protect her from you. (x)

You think this is where your love story began, but the truth is Elena wouldn’t have looked at you twice if I’d been there that day. (x)

The second quote in particular is interesting, because it really reminds us just how immoral and wrong Damon and the beginning of Delena’s relationship was. Damon considers his dance with Elena in 1x19 at the Miss Mystic Falls dance as being the beginning of their love story, yet at that point Stefan and Elena were in a committed relationship and Elena actually had no romantic feelings for Damon, except for maybe an attraction (which she says in 6x02 she felt for the first time during the dance in 1x19). So for Damon to consider this the beginning of their love story is just…sick. And as Stefan rightfully makes a point of, Elena wouldn’t have looked at Damon twice that day if Stefan had been there, which is completely true. In season 2 and 3 I understand how people can argue that Elena was in love with Damon or starting to fall in love with him, but in season 1, definitely not. She was 100% committed to Stefan in every single way and confident in her love for him. 

So yeah, Stefan had every single right to call him out on that. Whilst Stefan was spiraling into a pit of darkness and struggling to deal with his blood lust Damon used his absence as an opportunity to worm his way in with his Elena. What makes this even worse is that Damon knew that Stefan was struggling to adjust to animal blood and instead of helping him, he went running straight to Elena to grass on him and danced with her. I understand that Damon was doing Elena a favour by saving her from the embarrassment of having to go out there on her own, but the point remains that he took advantage of Stefan’s absence to insert himself directly in Elena’s path. Which, by the way, is exactly what he did repeatedly throughout the other seasons, but particularly in season 3. 

Yet Damon gets away with all of this. How? People are hardcore against cheating in relationships and because most (if not all) of Delena’s kisses happened when Stefan and Elena were apart, there’s blurred lines regarding whether it was cheating or not. Similarly, because Damon and Elena slept together for the first time after her break-up with Stefan, people assume that’s okay. But it’s just not. It’s not at all. Just because Elena didn’t plainly cheat on Stefan with Damon, doesn’t mean that what Damon did wasn’t morally wrong on every level. Sometimes, I think people forget to apply these situations to real life. Imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend has just broken up with you and you’re heartbroken, like you thought this person was the love of your life and you were going to be together forever. Now imagine that the next day your sibling sleeps with them. How would you feel? Personally, I don’t even know if I’d be able to ever forgive my sibling, and let me tell you, I’m a hella forgiving person. But truly, is there any bigger betrayal than that? Your sibling, who you’ve grown up with, who is your flesh and blood, who you’ve always trusted and relied on to have your back and be completely loyal sleeping with the person you love less than 24 hours after your break-up? It just…it absolutely blows my mind that some people don’t seem to acknowledge or see how utterly wrong that is, including the writers apparently. 

I feel like maybe I’m going off on a tangent here, sorry haha. But to answer your question clearly, no I don’t think Damon will feel remorse for his past actions. If there’s a Stelena endgame in a flash forwards, I think perhaps something might be said about it and maybe Damon will just be totally over Elena and he goes to Stefan, “You two were always supposed to be together” or something. Basically, his way of saying that what happened is in the past and he’s over it. If that did happen, it would hardly be an apology, but hey, this is Damon we’re talking about, what do you expect? He’s completely stubborn and one of his biggest flaws is that he just can’t admit when he’s wrong. 

[2018-365newchances]

Wow. How a few days can change absolutely everything, unbelievable.

Firstly, we went out to Poos for a Wow Mondays and despite Matt being out I didn’t speak to him. He walked straight past me, no eye contact and I felt so rejected:/

Near the end of the night i see Marns all cosy with him in one of the booths. And someone told me I was cockblocking by looking at them. LIKE WTF WHOS COCK AM I BLOCKING! Marns can't have him!!!! She can have literally any other boy thats been in my life, Dan, Harry, Rob i don't care! BUT NOT MATT.

I find out that apparently all they were talking about was me. He said all this deep stuff about he and i having a connection and that even though its been 5 years we still know each other so well and that he's told me stuff that he's still never even told his best friends. So now my head is totally messed up. Because i have ALWAYS thought its been one sided. I’ve always loved him and he's never felt the same way. But now I know he talks to his mum about me and thinks we keep our barriers up with each other i just think, maybe i do mean something to him? Just maybe.

I had to message him and tell him about the thing. Which was obvs really difficult but I'm glad I've told him because he deserves to know. He refused to meet me though which upset me. I can't work out why he didn't. If he cares about me the way he says he does to Marns then WHY does he say no to seeing me for 30 minutes? Was it because i suddenly sprung it onto him that night? Did he think i was going to tell him about my feelings and then that would cockblock him for his holiday? I don't know. But his actions and words don't correlate. He acts like he doesn't give a shit about me. Fucking me and then chucking me and ignoring my existence????? But then said to me and MArns like ‘oh i havent had a gf since her and I've never had a connection with anyone like i did with her’. MY HEAD HURTS.

And now he's on this FUCKING LADS HOLIDAY. Him doing things without me knowing has always been hard. But now that i know theres more than a 0% chance of something happening between us it makes this 10000X harder. He��s gonna shag, he even told me he has condoms. He's gonna have a sick time with the boys (which is lovely) but why does he have to pull girls :( i love him so much, why can't he feel the same way back. We’re made for each other, soul mates.

Im sat here panicking about his plane journey. I can't even ask him if he's landed safely or not. Im tracking his flight, and that probs makes me a psycho but i don't care! I can't say sorry for caring about him! I LOVE HIM.

He said if i still wanna meet after he's back from Malia then we can. But that was regarding the thing he now knows. So idk if he still will meet me. I just think we have so much to talk about. All the stuff he says to his Mum and Marns, but never to me! We need to have a sober talk. Just me and him. If he's just in it for a shag then whys he saying that stuff to Marns? He's had sex with me so thats that, there MUST be more he wants?

If i see him in the club then OBVS i will try to go home with him. Thats all i want. That’s what my heart wants. Maybe we’ll fall asleep together again and he’ll say ‘cuddle me then..’ SO CUUUUTE. He knows theres something still there between us. Its always has been him and me and now we’ve got off 3 times in a row in clubs its showing to STILL always be me and him.

ALSO, he hasn't slept with anyone else since me. That was over 3 months ago now. That makes me a FUCKING VERY HAPPY GIRL!!!! But i have the fear he will now on holiday :( Maybe what I told him will put him off and he won't??? doubt that though.

His 3 closest friends on the holiday are wifed up so hopefully they’ll all just have a nice time as the ‘lads’ and not really be actively looking for girls. Either that or Matt will be the focus of girl attention cos his mates have girlfriends. Like maybe all of them will be set on wing manning him? so frustrating. I just wish i knew that if he knew how i honestly feel about him would he still go and pull? Or does he do it cos he doesn't know the extent of my feelings?

The temptation to go round his house and ask his mum if he's safe and okay on holiday is so high. I wanna explain to her that i can't message him and cockblock his holiday but at the same time I'm worried sick about him. It’d be okay. She knows who i am....but then its really awkward. And if she told matt he’d probs be so mad at me:( I don't know what to do to be honest.

I’m dreading seeing all of the boys stories of matt tbh, I don't care all the stupid ones of him naked, drinking etc. But if theres any of him with girls at all and they're like ‘ayyyyyyy yes dawsyyyyy!!!” i will genuinely feel absolutely heartbroken.

Its scary to think this won't be over soon. Cos I'm going to uni in september and FUCK ME I NEED CLOSURE BEFORE I GO! I can't go away never knowing what could've been. I have to tell him how i have felt and am feeling this summer. Thats scary. Its scary if he says ‘i never felt the same way’ cos that will FUCKING hurt so much. Especially as he's shagged me. But equally if he says ‘we could have something’ and then i fuck off to swansea for 3 years doesn't really work does it. I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET. Im tryna kill time while he's flying but he's still not due to land for another 2 and a half hours.

I need help with this confusion over Matt. Does he like me or not? These are things he's done and said which have either suggested yes, he does or no, he doesn't

YES -conversation with me in Poos X2 -conversation with me in Weir -shagging me -his conversation in Poos with Marns -telling his mum about me and about us having sex -never had a girlfriend since me -letting me keep his shirt -helped me at after prom -gave me his shirt in Poos

NO -ignores me when we're out -barely spoke to me after we banged -mugged me off about the after prom -ignored my Facebook 'can we talk?' message -ignoring snapchats -gets with and shags other girls -wouldnt meet me -awkward about me giving him his Pull&Bear shirt back -awkward with me the morning after we banged