#i honestly read at least one of my own fics a day I’m ngl

[daydadahlias]

do you ever reread your fics like months after you posted them and fangirl over your own writing bc idk it seems like something you would do and if you don’t then you really should

no one will ever be a bigger fan of my writing than me

[aeternallis]

Kim’s Redemption : A Rant

I think one of the things that I tend to question and kinda struggle with at times being a KP enjoyer is the fandom’s general tendency to soften certain aspects of Kim’s personality and his actions as a way of redeeming him, either due to the influence of Jeff Satur’s media personality and/or when he’s compared to Vegas and Kinn.

And before I say anything else, this is not a jab towards anyone in particular, it’s just me ranting about my favorite character, so you can go on about your day if you don’t wanna read what I gotta say. 😆

I think part of my struggle comes from the fact that since Kim barely has any scenes in the show that lasts longer than 2-3 mins, I’m also somewhat constricted from the few assumptions I can make in how I interpret him, especially when I’m writing fic (which I am doing atm). Which in and of itself isn’t totally a bad thing, at least I don’t think so; if anything, I think that makes it a lot more fun as a challenge.

For example, if you were to ask me how do I think Porsche would react to finding out Kim had used and manipulated his little brother, I honestly couldn’t tell you. Kim and Chay’s storyline was so cut off from everything else in the beginning that ngl, it was a bit of a whiplash once their narrative finally began to intersect with the main plot, lol I can't really see Porsche getting angry, if nothing else due to his ignorance of Kimchay's situation (which also imo, isn't really a bad thing), but I also don't know if I can see him being lenient towards Kim, because he's also overprotective of Chay.

So in the end, I just choose not to think about it, and work within that framework instead~

But anyway, I digress!

Jeff's media personality and its influence on how Kim is interpreted as a character, that one is pretty much unavoidable, since the two men share the same face and body. XD Some can differentiate between the two much more than others, some tend to meld them as a sort of hybrid and use Kim as the container of a Jeff-esque fantasy, and all in all, that sort of thing is entirely dependent on preference and said fantasy, yknow? So it's just one of those things that I tend to scroll past or move on.

What truly gets me so befuddled though is when Kim is compared to Vegas and Kinn, and between the three of them, somehow Kim is taken to be the least problematic of the three, in terms of how they treated their romantic interest. And I'm not really sure how that conclusion came about, lol. In fact, I even remember reading a meta on here somewhere saying something along the lines of, compared to Vegas and Kinn's actions towards Pete and Porsche respectively, what Kim did to Chay was somewhat lenient and doesn't warrant that much groveling.

And I agree with that, at least in regards to the technical details, because OP was right. Kim never blackmailed Chay, nor assaulted or threatened him; in regards to physical intimacy, Kim never touched Chay in a way that was non-consensual.

But be that as it may, that way of thinking comes from the audience's POV, not Chay as a character.

And it really doesn't, right?

Chay doesn't know--or at the very least, we have no confirmation he's aware--the extent of what Porsche suffered through during the beginnings of his relationship with Kinn; he knows they're together, but I highly doubt Porsche told Chay he was pretty much sexually assaulted that first time. He REALLY doesn't know what's involved in VegasPete's relationship, much less their BDSM proclivities. Lol XD

In other words, Chay's actions and feelings post break-up with Kim (as well as the subsequent reconciliation) are and would be entirely based on his own experience, as they should, not based on the assumption that, when compared to Porsche and Pete's experiences with their respective Theerapanyakul, he got off lightly.

I think personally, something that often tends to be forgotten when Kim is made a lot more soft uWu babygirl than (imo) he really is is the fact that what Chay went through emotionally is, in and of itself, also a form of trauma. Sure, Chay was never physically hurt by Kim, but I don't think the emotional damage Kim dealt him is something that should be taken just for granted either.

There's a reason why this boy spiraled right after that devastating break up, and why he cried out the way he did. So how you interpret and imagine what Chay's next course of action would be if/when forgiving Kim is entirely up to you, including how he would respond and deal with the emotional trauma of that break-up. That scenario would come about based on your own interpretation of the show, your own preferences, and frankly, your own beliefs and life experience. If you think Chay is the type that needs some groveling/begging from Kim in order to heal, go for it, that's completely valid; if you think he can get over it easily enough, that's valid too.

It goes without saying, but just in case~

I stand by what I said before that although Kim has not physically harmed Chay in the way Kinn and Vegas has with Porsche and Pete, he's just as capable of doing that as his brother and cousin. And honestly, that's what makes Kim and the rest of the characters such an awesome bunch to me; a character doesn't have to be morally good in order to be a good character, yknow? Besides, I think that's what makes all three love stories strong enough to stand on their own: these Theerapanyakul men can love fiercely, but they can and have hurt and manipulated the people they love just as fiercely.

The physical and emotional wounds Porsche, Porchay, and Pete have suffered in varying degrees is incomparable, because by doing that in the first place, the characters' agency in turn is taken away.

And don't get me wrong, if you genuinely see Kim as a soft, uWu babygirl because that's how you HC him, go for it and more power to you! XD But if you HC him as being soft, uWu babygirl because he never physically assaulted Chay when you compare his actions to the shit Vegas and Kinn did, well...more power to you too, although I imagine this rant probably feels like a personal attack. Sorry about that~

But for my own interpretation (and limitation I admit, as well as it not being my preference in general; Kim can be soft for Chay and his family, but otherwise, there's a reason Korn doesn't trust him and in the books, is secretly made the true heir), I guess the reason I'm not inclined to see Kim as having a lot of the softer edges fanon!Kim has to the point that it's made part of his overall personality, is because, for me, it almost feels like I would be trivializing Chay's emotional trauma, just so they can quickly get together again and share in the fluff and puff, yknow? Almost like trying to resist the urge to think, "in order for Chay to be able to handle Kim, you gotta soften him up a little bit."

Because then I would be doing a disservice to Chay's character, who imo is more than capable of handling Kim's problematic tendencies. This boy had no problem blocking Kim's ass and pulling away from him, he can handle himself~

And just so we're clear, I'm not saying those fans who do see Kim as a soft, uWu boy with stunted emotions is doing just that, not at all. Just that for me personally, that's kinda the mental block in my noggin. XD Besides that, I'm just a sucker for angst, man.

But meh, at the end of the day, to each their own, yknow? XD That's what makes fandom so much fun, you can pick and choose what you want to engage with.

As an artist / fic writer, I'm just grateful I can feed myself the food I want to see~ Hehe!

[j2zara]

YAAAAAAY EHEH I GET TO SEND YOU A BUNCH OF ASKS 💖💖💖💖💖(<- these ones are just me being excited)

💖📥👀📊🍰🌝💻🧠

HIIIII SORRY THIS TOOK ALL DAY im so exhausted which is why i feel like my answers are not the best but here u go

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

Argh…. Ngl i sent this one to more than one person in the circle of perverts bc I want to force ppl to say nice things abt themselves and now i gotta do the same thing. I feel like my answer before this year would’ve been my dialogue!!!!!!! Like. I do think i’m good at that. It’s hard to even say that because I feel like when I do enjoy a good quip and i feel like whenever i reread my original stuff im like “oh. I’m so marvel brained”. I don’t think dialogue is my strength in cloneverse tho.  At least. I don’t think it stands out. But otherwise that’s what i would land on.

Maybe it’s bc i’ve been in a very sorry for myself slump lately bc my current wip is giving me such a struggle but i don’t even know. Before now and my latest wip driving me crazy I would’ve said. Maybe coherence or theming? Like i don’t even know if thats a thing i CAN say like is it possible to be good at themes? Sorry im being so hard on myself rn I think if i were to look at my writing i would say i think it’s halfway decent but i don’t know the answer to the question…

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

Oh this is an interesting one. For such a long time the answer would’ve been my old Talentswap fic for DR, tbh it always was like. Surprising and honestly kinda nice to get like a random comment of someone being like ‘hey i just discovered this! Sad its not updating but i really enjoyed it!” something like that. And I think b/c it was multichap it was very interesting and different when ppl were reading Almost for sure.

My secret weird answer is IYWD. Like. I’m at peace with the fact that its practically dead and nobody is gonna find it again i guess but a small part of me still considers it my favorite thing i’ve done in a long time so nobody does comment anymore but. That would be the thing i secretly kinda want. I’ll take literally anything tho obviously i love anybody that ever comments on anything.

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

I have a Love is Blind au for a fandom I’m not gonna mention. Idk i might’ve mentioned it somewhere but eh. Its like ten chapters but only the first 5-ish are done i’m kinda 

And i’ve talked abt this this isn’t really a. Like. Oh I’m hiding this forever thing but. I have a DR Togakure hookup fic that’s written like. To take place during a naegiri wedding like in the post first game canon. And it is one of my favorite things i’ve ever written even tho it is smut, ngl my friends have been trying to convince me to post it and i might but im genuinely terrified nobody is gonna read it and im gonna be. Sad about it

📊 Current number of WIPs

Lol um… lj3porter fic. I’m two sentences into twelfth night coded j2 wooing Jace for Porter fic. Unfinished creeper Jace + j2porter fic…  a Jace topping Zara zarajaceporter fic. A fic that is in the IYWD verse that’s like a prequel that’s normal SB related. And if we could old fandoms I have semi abandoned talent swap (the ch 3.3 doc is like 10k lmao). Love is blind au.

If we’re counting original projects. My fantasy pseudo taming retelling. Horror comedy / locked room mystery called Date / Die. I have a. Sports romance (don’t look at me). And my weird lofty rom com thing that is this decade spanning story and used to be abt a “platonic” romance but idk I was like. They’re best friends they’re the most important ppl in the world to each other and they like having sex does that make this a normal romance. Maybe. Maybe not.

So ten. Yikes.

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

This is such a weird pull b/c i haven’t read it in years but Wing Man is a Bokuaka fic thats one of my fav of all time that makes me so happy idk its so like. Sweet and tbh i feel bad i never commented on it i really should bc they deserve to know i still think about it. but i just don’t reread fic all that often even my favs.

Actually that’s a lie i just remembered! I’ll cite something recent and i’m a little shy to cite something from the circle of perverts but also this is completely sincere i know i jokingly call @innskeep bambi’s LJ3 fic the perfect piece of fiction all the time but i do reread it… I just like them. I think it’s really cute and i like my little guys…  I love getting J3’s pov so much like i genuinely think its so comforting and special…

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

I won’t lie I have a total DurDawn soft spot so like. I do think it wouldn’t fun to write something small for them. Also fucking hilarious as zukkacore that I’ve never written zukka and like. In my heart I would like too but they’re almost too precious for that? It’s hard to explain. Actually another answer might be for Mailee I actually think Mailee is soooooo underrated as a ship bc they have so much potential to be good for each other that wasn’t able to foster under azula’s thumb so I like that slightly toxic edge 

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

I do a little bit of research but honestly not at much as i should. Last super deep dive i did was on the different filipino mythologies and history throughout the different regions bc ithink that subject is so interesting. but that has nothing to do with the sb circle that was for my own stuff. Lately I had to look up a little bit of elvish for something sb related lol. im such a fake fan of LOTR i love it but i’ve never actually read the books

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

A few! I’ve talked abt Jace hireling au I think that would be fun. And I joke abt Clone gamechanger au all the time and I SAID I wanted to try and make it work so like. Maybe. I’d love to try clone gamechanger au i think its funny and cute and i wanna do something indulgent.I feel like i’m forgetting something. Jess has real estate in j2porter vegas roleplay so i kinda wanna try maybe doing J2porter 50s housewife roleplay as a sort of sequel? I still like the idea of doing a You’ve Got Mail Shop Around the Corning fic. And. I feel so so so so indulgent wanting to write LJ3 stuff but like i just like them. I don’t know what i would wann write for them but i just like them

[tenrousei-kuroi]

I did read Angel Sanctuary! I never finished it, though. I remember that what got me to start was the author’s art style. Her characters are so pretty!

I’m not familiar with A Cruel God Reigns, but by your description, it’s right up my alley (also, with a brief search, I see it has a very traditional style from the 90s/00s mangas that I find very nostalgic). I’ll definitely take a look into it.

As for the Black brothers, I think I discovered the ship around 2017-18, so there was a fairly good amount of work by then, but Blackcest has definitely grown a lot in the past couple of years. I’ve not read many James/Regulus works, mostly because many have a 'cleansed', fanon version of both – which also applies to the Marauders as a whole – and I have very picky views of Regulus’ characterization (my boy canonically had his own fan board of Voldemort 😭 and as far as we know, he never fully – or at all – quit his bigotry, yet in many works, his Slytherin friends and himself diverge completely from this).

But I do think Sirius/Regulus will remain somewhat popular for a long time. The Black family seems to have an appeal within the fandom that I don’t see as much with other families, such as the Lestranges, for example. Also, the idea of two good-looking, rich boys in a complicated family is intriguing (or at least I hope so; if not, you’ll see me signing up to your mailing list). On that note, I'm still hoping for the day Rodolphus/Rabastan gets popular lol

Anyway, thank you for the link, and I'm looking forward fest postings (ngl, I'm pretty confident in my abilities to recognize your writing style in anon fests. Sometimes I read a title and I think "this looks like a title ten would use". Is it a little stalker-ish of me? Maybe 😅).

Yeah Moto Hagio’s a bit more old school, she was most prolific in the seventies and eighties, and her art shows it. I could be misremembering but I believe her work “Sunroom” is typically credited as the first boy/boy manga kiss. And she’s one of the pioneers of the modern boy’s love genre. Real “culture award winning” sort of author.

Jegulus fics are hilarious to me and there’s a reason I call my stuff James/Regulus when I tag it, because that portmanteau has become its own thing. Whenever I read a Jegulus fic in my brain I’m thinking, “you know you can just write Timotheé Chalamet RPF, right? He’s not gonna’ come for you” 😂 And honestly that fanon “style” is bleeding over hard into the Sirius/Regulus section.

No shade, I’m glad people are having fun. Makes it harder for me to find the kinds of fics I like but I’ll survive lol. There’s just a larger selection now. And popular as it all is, I do truly feel people will move on. Because it’s less an attachment to the characters and more to these seriously altered fantasy versions of them, which can be easily grafted onto the next popular thing.

If you had told fifteen year-old me my weird incest and incest-adjacent pairings where two of the three characters aren’t even alive in canon would one day be as common as they are now I’d’ve thought you were high 😂 yet here we are.

I’ve dabbled a bit in Rodolphus/Rabastan but they always end up coming out so similar to my Sirius and Regulus that I don’t like it. I’ve kind of tabled the pairing until I can force myself to be a bit more creative with them. People already put up with all my Sirius/Regulus nonsense being basically the same, I don’t need to be grafting their dynamic onto other pairings 🤣🤣

When I pick prompts for fests I always try to ignore the promoter names until after I’ve chosen, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference, roughly 80% end up being yours anyway. Talk about wavelengths.

And let’s blame 2009 LiveJournal for my pretentious and easily-spotted titles, shall we? Specifically a Sirius/Regulus fic from forever ago called “A Thousand Years Good Wine” which basically flipped something in my brain and I haven’t been able to title anything like a normal human since.

That was a stellar fic, by the way. And if anyone ever ever ever finds it back for me I’ll…I don’t know…write them a 100k commission of their choice or engrave their name on my tombstone or something because that fic is LOST beyond belief and it causes me literal pain sometimes lol.

I’m feeling rather inspired today so I might spend my Saturday night plinking away at one of my fics. Odds are it probably won’t be the one that’s due in three weeks but we can always hope TT.TT

[amourrs]

listen babe I’ve been following you since your very early obx fic days and let me just say i very much agree w you on this whole daddy/little kink regression issue.. like im highly aware that the nicknames “kid” and “daddy” amongst others have been used in media since the early 20th century especially as a girl who loves those types of media, and frankly has no issue with it when it’s utilized in a responsible/appropriate manner (excluding the nickname “dad” specifically, which ofc that’s a personal preference) … but we OBVIOUSLY have a problem w minors infesting the nsfw side of this website (which many smut writers already caution towards/complain about— not to say im in support of it whatsoever cause im 21 and have been on this app for a literal decade so ik how it affects the mind in the long run and am staunchly against that sort of activity but i digress) so i can’t help but find it quite hypocritical when coupled w the fact that some writers are utilizing language that obviously expresses a certain degree of naïveté and childlike thought processes/tendencies that can be triggering for some and if not can otherwise be interpreted as an expression of pandering towards pedophilic behaviors/thought processes, and i want to reiterate my point of it being the OVERALL language of some fics not just a couple nicknames so that no one misinterprets what i mean and gets their panties twisted. i, in fact, enjoy a little daddy/mommy kink here and there but the thing ab ddlg specifically is that it’s never even been considered morally “sound” in the first place and is generally held in regard as an unhealthy correlative coping mechanism in actual psychiatric and therapeutic spaces related to psychosexual tendencies, and I’m not referring to kink communities which are generally subjective in the first place and allow space for people to make excuses for themselves (quite literally majoring in this rn so y’all pls don’t try and come @ me im just reading what the data says). it’s a problem that’s grown out of proportion over the last few months and i think people are allowed to be discomforted about it in a vocal manner just as writers may defend their actions in a vocal manner, because realistically this kink encompasses a minuscule amount of the population and is not commonplace whatsoever so the average reader most likely won’t resonate with it and will notice the red flags regarding its growing exposure on this app; we all share this app and i completely understand why some are offended by the pushback, but unfortunately it’s not healthy and anyone who writes this type of content KNOWS!! not saying it’s everyone who dares to use a simple nickname or two, but a comprehensive look at the overall language and imagery of the fics.. in essentia, y’all should look into therapy ngl.. really explore why ur attracted to the idea of an authority figure making ur “princess parts” “feel funny”, and why u make ur characters so “naive”, “innocent”, and “inexperienced” that they don’t even know what their own CUNT is ! 😀

that’s all, and i thank you for using your platform to continue this conversation because it needs to be said <3

honestly couldn’t have said any of this better myself. also the very early obx fic days is crazy… that’s like over a year at least. genuinely insane. thank you for following me that long i love you 🫶🏽

[m1ckeyb3rry]

I feel like that one shot would be so funny LMAO imagine now instead of fwtkac y/n maybe it’s actually the bestie who knew him in childhood and berates his habits to this day…I’d imagine you have a lot on your plate rn though so maybe a future thought LOL

And same!! Maybe it’s because it’s been thrown around and slapped over everything that I find it kinda boring…like the dynamics between them and other characters feel sm more interesting and meaningful to me?? I live for the diff teams (white and red) in the second selection like those interactions >>> I honestly think them breaking away was the best thing to ever happen to them because it allowed them to develop sm more!! Like it almost feels like them sticking together just allows them to settle into complacency in a way. Like even Agi, Barou, and even Rin mention or hint at it like once they start partnering up again in the NEL that’s when their value drops as they stop learning to evolve and grow like….

Actually that’s a really good point it’s like Covid lockdown but soccer based…I can only imagine the kind of trauma and effect it has on their developing teenager brains LMAO

And true!!! Honestly tabieitaken remind me of the type of group/clique that’s like the mature dudes looking ahead at their careers and futures getting internships and all that like….in the converse form of the saying they touch concrete LMAO (I would’ve said grass but like…soccer fields…I bet that’s all they touch HAHA)

Also whoops I did not catch onto what you meant about age my bad LOL that’s true though I get the love triangle trope since you’re right there isn’t really as much of a power imbalance!! I’m ngl I’m living for the Karasu idea…maybe because we’ve seen Rin and Nagi interact in a way where Rin I feel looked down on Nagi a bit…sometimes it feels like Rin is disgusted by Nagi’s lack of motivation and lack of soccer drive (look at this Emo loser LMAO) and also that Nagi’s kinda a loser too HAHA (love my loser though <3) but oooh Nagi effortlessly taking away the one person Rin likes…brutal (I love it) Rin’s deep down realization that he’s an absolute LOSER outside of soccer..too real…you truly have some fantastic ideas running around in your head though, really makes for a lot of enticing scenarios!!

Maybe people are attracted too his uh…out-of-pocketness…? Personality not my type (as you can probably tell LOL) but to each their own ;^^ Honestly I think, for me at least, I’ve never been very into the MCs of any series? Isagi is already one of the better ones for me but I think maybe it’s something about the nature of MCs needing to fit a mold of sorts to be the MC that makes me think he’s a bit plain…I will say though that I’ve enjoyed pieces where we have Isagi as wingman LOL I feel like that fits him really well, like the supportive friend pulling the strings in the background HAHA

OOOH that makes sense!! Noting down these breeds to I can google them and take a good look later LOL (horsesonas makes me laugh so hard because my brain jumps to my little pony LMFAO)

Honestly so real I’ve only heard them because they ended up popping up on my YouTube feed and I was like what’s this??? Definitely not my taste for everyday normal music listening but it’s kinda funny to listen to for the sake of character interactions LOL

Hoping that Otoya and Karasu get some sort of goofy dramatic borderline cringey rap battle or hype music HAHAHA

I love a good crack fic LMAO I love laughing at goofy moments so that’s perfect honestly!! But tbh I’m always down to read good writing even if it isn’t specifically a topic I’m into (yours just happens to be a double whammy with both bllk and superb writing LOL) I’m no writer so I’ve run out of words but something about your writing just is so satisfying to read…there’s something about some writing styles that manage to mix interesting plot and emotions while keeping an eloquent feel to it? Chefs kiss

SHSGSH YOURE SO RIGHT IT ALMOST MAKES ME SAD like the studio did not really leave budget for glow ups and it’s hard because the art in bllk rn is already really good like…please don’t make it crusty…im hoping that since its 14 eps (kinda a random number if you ask me) I’d hope they’d put a bit more effort into quality control but fingers crossed like gojo rn trying to manifest good art!!! Im also nowhere near ready for the new promo art and merch that’s gonna release like goodbye.

Counting down the days until epinagis next chapter comes out that last panel with Karasu in the last chapter was too good!!

-Karasu anon

hehe i think i would take it in an angsty way almost!! like being childhood bffs w him and lowkey being in love with him but knowing who he is and how he doesn’t gaf abt girls and realizing that it’s better to be his friend and stay in his life than be discarded like the others. i think it would have a happy ending but more like white butterfly than fwtkac!! OMG but fwtkac bestie and otoya’s relationship is so funny to me…i think the only way for someone to get his attention for good is either to be a person he’s cared abt since he was super young (ex childhood bestie) OR to just absolutely hate him. and let’s just say the beef between our bff and eita is insane 😭 honestly i could write a separate fic where bestie is y/n and fwtkac y/n is the best friend solely because our bff is probably my fav character in the whole fic. she’s simultaneously otoya’s no.1 hater and EVERYONE else’s no.1 simp HAHA i can’t wait to post the next continuation!!

i completely agree i think their characters become v stagnant together to the point that it’s just like okay…come on now guys you’re better than this…like nagi especially is so comfortable being reliant on reo that everything that makes him so exciting vanishes when he’s w reo again. i am hoping for another breakup soon tbh and maybe some new duos post-NEL because their characters have a lot of potential to get along with other players that they haven’t interacted much with

tabieitaken is like that one rlly immature guy who somehow also locks in when needed (otoya), that one guy who seems super serious and calm at first but is actually a freak (karasu), and their handsome mom friend bff (yuki). nobody knows whether they want to be with them or just BE them…they also seem like they would be so nice but they are MEAN ASF i just know karasu and otoya have the craziest side eyes 😓

YES i think nagi being a loser is what makes it really sting!! i do think narratively nagi is being built up to have a comeback and at some point he will probably be on rin’s level/surpass him but even if that doesn’t play out in the manga that’s probably the direction i would take with it. like here’s this guy who rin looks down on because he gives zero fucks abt life, doesn’t care that much about soccer, solely eats fruit jellies, yet somehow he ends up on top. HE gets the girl, HE is the deuteragonist of bllk, and while rin has spent his entire life working to be the best, he can’t catch up because he just wasn’t born with whatever nagi has. i don’t at all think rin views nagi to be on the same level as sae, just that particular realization combined with his past experiences w sae would be very very bitter with him.

now if the nagi route is bitter and harsh on rin, the karasu route is sad and a quieter form of longing. karasu is a little over two years older than rin so it stands to reason that reader would have a similar age difference with him and let’s be real what 18 year old girl is dating a 16 year old soccer freak over a fellow 18 year old who has a career plan and presumably zero sibling issues 😭 there’s no chance of competition there because even karasu himself doesn’t view rin as competition!! i think yuki would be similar as well…no but actually though imagine being the second lead and YUKIMIYA (literal model, resident sweetheart) is your competition bruh just give up at the point (unless you’re reo i think reo could pull it off)

hehe i think some people just find him handsome!! which again not me but ykw everyone will have their favs. and i def have liked some mcs in the past (eren from aot comes to mind) but isagi doesn’t do it for me. i honestly even struggle to write him as a friend-type character because his off-field characterization is so bland to me 😭 but i could see him working as the love interest for a side character in some fics so i won’t dog on him too much

HAHAHA PLSSS time to admit i was a mlp kid…tbh i think otoya was as well. like he had a little sister no way he didn’t watch at least an episode or two (he says his fav is spike the dragon when people ask but secretly it’s rainbow dash). otoya feels like he’s very much a nerd at heart he just hides it better than most 😭 or maybe not those ninja references are a little insane icl…

OKAY GOOD because this next part is very much silly goofy shenanigans (with a heavy emphasis on our best friend trying to get a boyfriend along with moments of our relationship with karasu and also the other bllk boys) and it’s also already over 15k words so there is going to be plenty of nonsense coming your way very soon. i think all three parts of fwtkac combined will be over 30k words which is CRAZY to me like how did it get to be that long 😭

YES EXACTLY i’m hoping less eps + higher budget will mean season 2 looks good!! or at least on the level of the first selection 🙁 please don’t do my boys badly i need more tabieitaken lovers there’s like no content of any of them them out there…literally scrounging the tags every day hoping someone else has written smth new but coming up empty every time has me feeling like thanos…like fine i’ll do it myself 😒😒😒

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF EPINAGI THE LAST PANEL OF KARASU WAS SO MENACING SODJSJNSJDKDJS I NEED HIM TO GO CRAZY ‼️ like at this point in the story he is NUMBER THREE in bllk i need him to show us why 😫👆🏻

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[opalescient]

haikyuu fic recs — the most beautiful, lovely, breathtaking masterlist (vol. I)

so i’ve been binging fics to cure my sadness, and i thought that these select masterpieces were too magnificent to not be plastered on every billboard ever. some tore my soul into shreds, while others melted said shreds back whole, but all of them made me feel some form of sheer, unadulterated love, so. please enjoy! 🥰⛅️✨

note: all of these fics are exquisite and you should read all of them, but if you’re short of time, those with ☆ are my all-time favourites!

daisuga

butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya ☆ | T

Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate.

i lovelovelove how all the concepts tied in together like a perfectly wrapped gift

also very wholesome, made me feel so inexplicably warm. like, love can exist everywhere!!! despite everything!!! that’s just so inspiring

i revisited this many times, i think it was (one of) my first haikyuu fics and honestly. it set the bar so high and i have no regrets

you’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly by boxofwonder ☆ | G

“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”

Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.

“Not as far as I know, no.”

-

Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.

major, major fluff

the buildup!!!

god this made my yearning for love so much worse

the perfect stranger by downmoon | T

There’s a man standing outside Suga's door.

Scratch that. Start over.

There’s a man he doesn’t know standing outside his door, holding his sleeping nephew in one arm, with another kid clinging tightly to his free hand.

so domestic please read the entire series from start to finish it has my whole heart

shoyou and tobio as their actual kids 🥺

these two parents are so in love it makes me wanna cry

asanoya

silica sand by lilien passe ☆ | G

Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass.

PLEASE. so well-written it makes my heart glow and ache simultaneously

made me ascend into asanoya heaven

such a brilliantly unique concept i love it A+

qué syrah syrah by loudlucy | M

Asahi wants to be a Master Sommelier. It's the highest honor in wine service, and the certification would allow him to live the life he's always envisioned for himself. Too bad the certification test is notorious for being the world's most difficult.

Most people fail their first time taking the exam, and Asahi is no exception, but he has more difficulty than most dusting himself off and getting back on his feet. Enter Nishinoya, a young man who shares his same dream, and who believes in their goals so fiercely it forces Asahi to embark on a delicious and sensuous journey of viticulture and validation.

AKA The Wine Tasting AU that literally no one even knew to ask for.

NOTE: You Do Not Need to Know About Wine to Understand This Fic!

another super unique concept!!! (´∀｀=)

my god their chemistry is amazing

the writing made me feel things ngl

stop my bones from wondering by cerasi ☆ | T

After graduation, Asahi hides from the world and needs help from a few sources to find his way back.

i want to write sonnets and sing ballads for this fic, it’s that beautiful

as always, Top Notch Writing *chef’s kiss*

no but i seriously... can i kiss the author? asking for a friend 😳👉🏼👈🏼

iwaoi

star-crossed by starlitcities | T

“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d envy a human,” Oikawa admits, showering himself in tiny suns, because he can actually feels those, like a fusillade of warm kisses on luminous skin that leave marks. To humans, they’d be freckles. Skin stars, Oikawa calls them. He didn’t make that up, a human did.

“Who created the rule that we can’t touch, I wonder,” Iwaizumi ponders, floating heedlessly through space.

“Maybe it’s because we can fly. Humans dream of flying, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

gsjsgsjshsjshsjsj star!iwaoi

they’re LITERALLY STARS

beautifulbeautifulbeautiful i love how the author conveyed the beauty of touch and humanity 🥺🥺

please bless yourself further with the sequel sun-kissed

conquering the great king by suggestivescribe ☆| E

Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, "Last time was supposed to be a one time thing," he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.

Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"

yes.

in fact, this entire series (breaking the rules) features daisuga, kuroken, asanoya and it’s SO GOOD. every single one.

but anyway, character development!!!!! plot!!!!!!!!! writing!!!!!!!! i’m here for it all

tsukkiyama

campfire in your chest by deanpendragon ☆ | M

Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he’s probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he’s at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.

SO BEAUTIFUL

i am also a sucker for anything with stars, moons and all the love in between

no words to describe this work of art please just go read it and be blessed

under the lilac tree by raewrites | G

there’s a lilac tree in Kei’s backyard.

gorgeous in its simplicity

softtsukkisofttsukkisofttsukki

not as grandiose as the rest but the love written into every word, action and character is absolutely show-stopping

kagehina

saffron and cayenne pepper by dontsaycrazy ☆ | T

Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you.

-

In which Hinata's lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, if only for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.

the essence of their characters were captured so well and yet it’s like they’re completely new characters too? author, whoever you are, you totally owned this

this made me ship kagehina so hard

fluff! cuteness! lots and lots of cooing!

kuroken

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony ☆ | T

soulmate

/ˈsəʊlmeɪt/ • noun

A person who was made from the same star as you.

-

// Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives.

ahhh here it is. beautiful, heartbreaking, soul-emptying agony. you want angst? choke on this, and your tears later on.

no but seriously please read this if you haven’t you won’t regret it at all i promise

written from kenma’s perspective so you experience every depth and multitude of emotion he does and it’s so raw and- brb imma go cry for a sec

knot in my heart by hearthope | T

There’s a picture. Kenma blinks, looking at the little calico cat, being held up next to the face of a guy with stupidly messy hair and a crooked grin.

Cute.

The— the cat. The cat is cute.

Just the cat.

-

Kuroo starts spending a lot of time at the flower shop Kenma works at. Kenma definitely isn't into him.

okay so i like it when authors unravel a normally stoic character’s full scope of emotion and give them depth, sue me.

anyway, back on the fluff train!

i absolutely f*ck with flower symbolisms, cats and bitchy best friends who have dirt on each other. the layers of romance, friendship and everything in between is so prettily developed 10/10

bokuaka

the jacket you never returned by daisuga ☆☆ | G

He leaned over, kissed Bokuto on the cheek, and smiled bitterly, eyes watery.

He will never remember. Not now, not ever.

What they were will now forever be forgotten.

-

"You used to call me Keiji, Koutarou."

YOU USED TO CALL ME KEIJI, KOUTAROU!!!!!!!!!!

i beg you to listen to Spiegel im Spiegel when it’s first mentioned in the story please

i read this and screamed through my tears for a solid 1.5 hours. i rarely cry.

no f*ckin regrets though i read this thrice already and it hurts so good every time

rules by conesofdunshire ☆☆ | E

In which Akaashi Keiji is an overworked accountant who stumbles upon Bokuto one night playing the piano in the lobby of his work. Bokuto is different, that much is obvious. But with such supreme musical talent and a smile so dazzling it rivals the sun, there's just something about him that brings Akaashi back every night.

this fic. this fic has my whole, broken, sobbing heart and laughing soul

gorgeous. breathtaking. magnificent.

bokuto is so WARM and akaashi is so STRONG and they both find the solace they need in each other and it’s all i want for me 😭😭😭

in another life by littleluxray | T

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

this is a famous fic that i doubt any seasoned haikyuu reader wouldn’t know, and RIGHTLY SO BECAUSE, the PAIN. the pain. the pain.

i could feel my lungs shrivel up and my chest cave in on itself. fatigue and rest are things i struggle with too so this whole story resonated with me from start to finish, and it broke me. in like, the best, most revitalising way

i would read this again but it still haunts me at night. i need to heal from the first time before i have the guts to try one more time HAHAHA 😆💔😭

tea-stained polaroids by dalyeau | G

“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head.

mmmmmmm pretty photographer + personalised coffee cups + cute baristas = diabetic fluff fic

i smiled so much throughout this you have no idea. cheeks achey but so good

i may have squealed a little at the ending

kurotsukki

moonfall by batman | T

There is no unlearning Tetsurou, after all. There is only leaving him.

-

(Five things of Tetsurou's that ended up in Kei's home, and one that never left.)

the writing!!!!!! is pure beauty!!!! sheer grace!!!!!!! the construction of the AU and the romanticism and hsjsgsjshsj

didn’t cry but. heart ache and bittersweet smiles are another level of misery that is just as fulfilling

yea just pleasepleasepleaseplease go read it thank you and have a good day

hidden gem by realmSpinner | E

Things get complicated when everything you thought you knew about a guy changes, and they get even more complicated when you actually start liking those changes.

That guy working with you AND becoming your neighbor? That's just a cherry on top of the cake of confusion.

this AU was refreshingly different, and amazingly so

top!tsukki??? sign me the f*ck up

the whole plot, man. perfection.

pings by barfs ☆☆ | T

[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.

[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.

[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.

[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.

god.

you already know what’s coming, and yet. when it comes.

how the f*ck did the author make grief beautiful????????? (at the expense of me dying along with kei and everyone else i guess)

this fic will ruin you and bury you under all your pain (i hope you’re ready)

but also put you back together with the “sequel”

kyouhaba

close to the chest by darkmagicalgirl | T

It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.

cause i’m (not) alright with the slow, burn~

no fr, take slow and burn very seriously

overthinking yahaba? i understand. i do.

again, such an amazing fic; 10/10 recommend

safe here by crossbelladonna ☆ | M

“Raids are routine work,” Kyoutani tells to Yahaba before he can air the question. “Sometimes there is no sleep done until we accomplish something, say kill a certain ghoul. I guess they’re still going through the possibility that people in the accident are still alive huh?”

Yahaba quirks a smile, pushing his mask up his head.

“You’re alive.”

Kyoutani looks at him intently and all of the things that they’ve gone through for the past month seems to flash in his mind.

“Yes I am.”

i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul but i understood everything perfectly. such is the power of f*cking kickass writing

*cue ugly crying and a lot of unresolved angst*

like the grief??????? ruin me please thank you 🙏 (i think i’m a little masochistic)

rare pairs

mannequin men by surveycorpsjean ☆ | M

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tuskishima]

The modelling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.

In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.

i did not expect this to be good, and it wasn’t. it was SPLENDID.

akaashi is so enamoured with them from the get go i love it

a tiny bit of angst that stabbed me in the heart, but the happy ending soothed it (thankfully, because if there wasn’t one i will sue)

characterisation, writing, plot development; everything is great. can you tell i’m running out of synonyms for ‘beautiful’

feel like gold by heronfem ☆☆ | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/kenma]

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

e.e. cummings?? poetry??? f*ck yes

so beautiful. i’m so star-struck by this fic it’s simply stunning

there are no words to fully capture how worth your time and heart and mind reading this fic is so please. do yourself a favour, and fall in love with this fic with me

the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left by oopsthisisqueertoo ☆☆ | not rated

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo]

Akaashi is at his wits end. He feels nothing. He's quickly crumbling as a human being. He wants nothing but sweet release of death. In his fourth year of college he drafts a plan for his suicide. He is to graduate, publish writing for others to be inspired by, and slip quietly away. Shortly after, he meets a dog walker named Bokuto who asks him out and Akaashi reluctantly agrees. Nothing matters anymore and he treats Bokuto like an obligation. Until he's not anymore.

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & DEPRESSION

this was... this gutted me entirely and filled my body with too many shades of agony

arguably one of the best haikyuu fics i’ve ever read

so beautiful in the most painful way fathomable; strongly recommend

april to may by surveycorpsjean | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tsukishima]

They're an odd family.

The four of them? Parents?

But still, they're a family.

So they'll support each other until the end.

aaahhhhh third gym as parents 🥺

so much fluff. i also love april and may

they’re still so in love there’s love in every millimetre of this fic :”)

that’s it for now! i’ll add more if i come across anymore good fics. i hope you enjoyed this list! if you have any requests/fic recs, or if u just wanna chat, feel free to just ask! hehe 🥰 k aight bye~

[persepholline]

I've read that article about the romanticization of the Darkling and while I absolutely understand people who are pissed off/sad and I agree that it's shitty, I find LB's attitude towards Darkles stans very funny in a "girl what are you doing" sort of way because it's so petty like I've never heard of a bestselling author writing a portion of their fans into their books as a crazy cult before, it clearly hit a nerve

I'm new to the fandom but the feeling I get is she wrote something problematic ten years ago and became very embarrassed about it afterwards so she turned on the fans that liked it as a way to absolve herself. Especially since fandoms in general have become a lot more focused on discussion of what constitutes healthy/acceptable relationships to write about. And in a way I get it I had a huge Twilight phase in high school and afterwards I was super embarassed about it because of how problematic and cringe it was. But now with distance and more maturity I'm able to both still see why it was problematic and also why I was drawn to it (mostly the very unhinged representation of female desire) and like...it's really not the end of the world and no it never made me believe that breaking into somebody's room at night to watch them sleep was actually ok in real life lmao. This feels so obvious to me but apparently it needs to be said.

(More under the break this is turning into an essay, I've been thinking of this a lot recently)

And of course it's good to have these discussions about how historically romance tropes have echoed social dynamics of men's shitty behavior being romanticized and excused. But these days they often are so simplistic and focused on chasing clout that they become this weird new puritanism and moral panic about oh now women are reading novels it's going to make them hysterical or something

So you have these weird assumptions that you can't like a character and also be critical of their actions, or enjoy certain parts of a character and not others, or wish they were written differently and like them more for their potential (which I'm sure stings a bit for an author lol) - it assumes that if you like a character it means you would approve of their actions in real life, or that people just stupidly reproduce whatever they see on TV. That tendency to treat fictional characters like real people is the thing that actually worries me, to be honest, because it indicates a lack of distance and critical capacities regarding how stories are used and received. But people - fans and authors - are so scared of being called out as problematic and harassed for it that they're going to shy away from any nuance.

And yeah I think that it's good that standards of what constitutes an ideal relationship are evolving and becoming more feminist and communicative and all that and we definitely need more of that. But not all fiction has to be aspirational! Sometimes you just want to read about fucked up shit, because it's cathartic or fascinating, even healing at times because with fiction you are absolutely in control and can choose when to close the book. Toxic relationships in fiction can have an appeal specifically because they go to extremes of feeling that we don't want to go to in reality, in exactly the same way as horror movies or very violent action movies - which I don't see a lot of people besides fundamentalist Christians argue that they turn you into violent psychopaths (and that feels very obviously sexist). And for women, who are often taught growing up that love is the purpose of life, the "saving someone with your ability to love" can be a power fantasy in the same way that being a buff superhero who saves the day with their capacity for incredible violence can be a power fantasy for men. Still doesn't mean those women are going to fall in love with actual murderers or that those men are going to start beating up people at night. And love is scary, and weird, and weirdly close to horror at times, with all the potential for loss of self and being vulnerable and overwhelming feelings and potential for being horribly hurt and it should be possible for stories to explore that without anybody screaming about how this is going to Corrupt the Youth or something

And I mean I get it LB wanted to write a cautionary tale for teenagers, but it just did not work for reasons a lot of people have already written about - the fact that the Darkling is the leader of an oppressed minority and is the only one with a real political agenda to end that oppression in the first trilogy, the fact that he helps Alina come into her own power while her endgame LI is someone she keeps herself small for, that she's shamed for wanting power after growing up without any, a generally very wonky conception of privilege, and a lot of other stuff with yucky regressive implications to the point where stanning the villain actually feels liberating and empowering which is a surefire sign that the narrative is broken (unless it's a villain focused story lmao). But of course that Fanside article makes almost no mention of the political dynamics, it's all about interpersonal stuff which is an annoying trend in YA, there are those massive events happening in the background but it's made all about the feelings of the hero(ine) ; war as a self-development quest (which is kind of gross). Helnik is kind of an example of this too - I like them, I think they're fun ! But Matthias spends a big part of the story wanting to brutally murder Nina and her kind, and he mostly changes his mind because he finds her hot. Like you don't feel there is some sort of big revelation that his entire moral system and political framework is completely rotten ; it's all better because of feelings now.

As a teenager that kind of sanctimonious bullshit would have annoyed the hell out of me ; I read those books in my early twenties and I found the ending so stupid I wouldn't have trusted any message or life lessons coming from them. And I liked reading/watching dark stuff as a teenager, as a way to deal with the very intense inner turmoil I was dealing with - and I turned out fine ! Meanwhile I've seen several times women in very shitty relationships being obsessed with positive energies and stories ; they were so terrified of their life not being perfectly wholesome they ended up being delusional about their own situations.

Like personally I think the Darkling is a compelling, interesting, alluring character and also a manipulative, murderous piece of shit and that Alina should get to punish him (like in a sexy way) - but he's also the end result of centuries of war, oppression and trauma and reducing that to "toxic wounded boy" feels kind of offensive ngl ESPECIALLY since the books don't offer any kind of systemic analysis or response to oppression beyond "the bad guy should die" and "now the king/queen is a good guy our problems are solved!!!!"

In Lives of the Saints, we see how Yuri is abused extremely badly and almost killed by his father, and so when his father dies when the Fold swallows Novokribirsk, he thinks the Starless Saint has saved him. Later in KoS/RoW he's turned into this fanatic who explains away all the Darkling's crimes. The other followers talk about how the Starless Saint will bring equality for all men. Then the Darkling comes back and actually thinks his followers are pathetic, which feels again like a very pointed message to his IRL stans. Which is absolutely hilarious to me. Like oh no, if he was real he would not like you and think you're pathetic ! Yeah ...but he's not. Real. Damn right he would not like the fics where Alina puts him on a leash. I'm still going to read them. What is he going to do about it, jump out of the page ? Jfjfjjdhfgfjfj

Anyway I think the intended message is "assholes will use noble political causes for their own gain and to manipulate people" and "being abused/oppressed is not an excuse to behave badly." Which. Sure. But that's kind of like...a tired take, honestly ? A big number of villains nowadays are like this ; either they've been bullied as kids, or they're part of an oppressed group, or they have "good ideals but too extreme". This is not surprising because a lot of mainstream heroic narratives present clinging to the status quo as Good and change as chaotic and dangerous. And like sure in real life people often do bad shit because they're wounded and in danger. But if you want to do a story like that, you have to do it with nuance, talk about cycles of violence, about how society creates vulnerable people to be exploited, about how privilege gives you more choices and the luxury of morals, etc. The Grishaverse does not have this level of nuance (maybe in SoC a little bit but definitely not in TGT). So it kind of comes off as "trauma makes you evil" and "egalitarianism is dangerous" and "if you're abused/oppressed you're not allowed to fight back". And ignores the fact that historically, evil generally comes from unchecked privilege.

I guess my point is that there are many things I like about LB's writing, she knows how to create these really exciting character dynamics, and the world she has created is fascinating. But these stories are not a great starting point for imparting moral lessons. And her best characters tend to be, at least in canon, the morally grey ones. I hope one day she'll be at peace with the fact that she wrote the Darkling the way she did and leave his fans alone but in the meantime I'm just not going to take this whole thing seriously I'm sorry

[aimmyarrowshigh]

2021 Fic Roundup Meme

Total Fics Posted: 1,036, but that will be out of date by the actual end of 2021 because I need to do daily drabbles and finish the Steve Bingo drabbles by the end of the 31st! Total Words Posted: 147,576, which ironically is the lowest annual total, I think, since I started doing these roundups back on LiveJournal. Although I don’t think I even bothered to do a 2019 or 2020 roundup because I’d posted virtually nothing. Total Words (of Anything Excluding Blogs) Written: Somewhere between 250,000-300,000, I think. The first quarter of 2021 was dismal for writing -- not just for me, I think, but for most of the, like, writing world. So I can’t be too down on myself about it. Most of what I’ve written this year, I’ve posted right away because it’s been drabbles, but I do have probably 50k of unposted Old Guard WIP stuff and 70k so far of unposted Stucky. And 7k of unposted Wanda Maximoff smut that may never get finished, haha. My favorite fic story this year: I mean, the only one that “counts” that I posted this year is Wish You Were Here, which is on an extended hiatus at the moment. I do like WYWH and I think it’s not bad, but I definitely struggle with writing it -- vignettes are essentially a bunch of short stories and I forgot that I massively struggle with short stories (ironically, given drabbles). And I still haven’t figured out what happens character-growth-wise during one part of it and it’s killing me. My best story this year: It’s hard, because I’ve posted so fucking many drabbles and most of them are like, “well, this exists” but every once in a while I get a turn of phrase exactly right. I can’t remember any in particular that I’m particularly proud of, but there aren’t any that I’m NOT proud of, either. Story most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: It sticks in my craw a little bit when someone requests a drabble and then doesn’t give it a kudo, especially if it’s for a more rarepair or niche fandom where, you know, no one else is going to, either. But that’s just me being crabby. I do feel like maybe I would feel more urgency with regard to WYWH if I felt like there were an audience for the story, but I also knew going in that it was a minor, non-canon pairing in a fandom with a MASSIVE canon ship that dominates EVERYTHING in the fic sphere, so I can’t actually be rightfully disappointed by that, either. I would love anything I write to grab people’s attention in a way that made them want to reach out and comment or message or kudo, but I also know that we’re moving into a post-feedback internet era, so again, I can’t rightfully want more than I get. I was spoiled by 1D fandom and, more than that, hugely spoiled by web 1.0 fandom and LJ fandom when it comes to feedback and attention. These days I’m just flattered anyone reads at all. (Although I will be Literally Devastated if no one reads my stucky when it comes out, I’m ngl.) Sexiest Story: I don’t tend to write sexy drabbles very often because it’s hard to build sexual tension in fewer than 100 words, so the payoff to a sexy drabble is always a little... premature. (Ba dum bum!) But here are the E rated drabbles if you want them! Most fun story: Oooh... honestly, pretty much every day, there’s at least one drabble that is particularly fun for me to write, so I’m not sure. The Continuing Adventures of Cap & Molly tickle me (thanks @therebeccaw) and I love writing Yelena/Kate. I love dunking on Booker in Booker/Nile fic. I love writing Darcy. I love writing the Peter Parkers and MJ. I love writing Gomez/Morticia. I think probably some of the Addams Family drabbles were the most fun, maybe. Maybe. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: To coopt myself from the 2012 meme, “if I write a fic and it doesn’t change my feelings on the characters or fandom in some way, then I don’t think I wrote it correctly.” Hardest story to write: WYWH. Biggest surprise: Actually sticking to the drabbling! In the past when I tried Three-Line Fic Thursday and Five-Sentence Friday, I failed miserably, and I’ve failed myself at drabble challenges, too. But for some reason this time it’s stuck and is genuinely working to remind me that I can get words out, I can have ideas, and I can get those ideas out in words. Yay! A story I want remembered: I mean, if I wrote anything this year that anyone remembers fondly, that makes me happy. Resolutions for 2022: FINISH LENT FROM TOMORROW (TODAY WAS TOO SMALL FOR US). BE A FINISHER. FINISH THE THING. Also, do Femslash February and a drabble March Madness, probably.

[caliwashere]

TGKDN Ch 20.5-22 Thoughts & Spoilers

I didn’t want to spam post so I’m going to shorten these 3 chapters (20.5 is literally almost the same length as a regular chapter sooo)

context: TGKDN is a jjkxoc (additional add-ons: dad!gojoxoc, yutaxoc, megumixoc) fic called Tsuki Ga Kirei Desu Ne. It’s linked in my bio in case anyone wants to read it. I don’t own TGKDN or take credit for the story/OCs! I’m just a fan!

spoilers below ⬇️

- these three chapters are the reason why i support the TGKDN rewrite so much 

- Imma be organized for once and split them into chapters cuz there’s so much to uncover for each of the three chapters (all the ppl who have been following since my old acc gasping cuz Cali’s gonna be organized for once lmaooo) anyways.....

Chapter 20.5

- HIYORI POV LETS GOOO 

-why is it that Hiyori POVs are the rarest when she’s literally the main character of this story ????

- the jars symbolism was just *chef’s kiss*

- honestly highlights one of the main differences between old TGKDN and rewrite TGKDN cuz there’s more in-depth talk about Hiyori’s struggles now to better paint that image of how she’s perfect at the surface 

-p sure this is the gojo and hiyori parallel cuz they’re both strong and “perfect” in almost every way but they’re actually not 

- whole chapter made me tear up a lil ngl like it hit where it hurt cuz it was relatable like the struggle of being responsible and doing what u believe is ur duty (my tsukuyo hiyori analysis rlly on point thooo wooooooo)

-author frames a lot of stuff in a pretty tasteful manner like the darker/heavier chapters involving mental struggle (i.e Jars + Under the Surface chapters) which honestly props to her cuz i could never 

- the only problem is that she does it too well and it rlly hits (my eyes be swollen too much cuz of this story)  where it hurts every time 

-yuta coming in to help my our precious bean (im writing a hiyorixreader fic for my own satisfaction afanfiosa) just at the right moment

-when he ate the salad aodinasioda she was so surprised 

- i had to google wtf a mousse cake was cuz im uncultured lol

- him opening the jar without saying anything and having no clue how his literal presence just makes her feel better 

- she literally says he’s amazing which mirrors what he said about her in one of the earlier chapters (i forgot which one ooops) DONT THINK I DIDNT CATCH THAT AUTHOR

-mans out here thinking its one-sided but she’s just as down bad as he is

-they’re so cute together

-bouta get cavities from how sweet they are

-they need to hurry up and date already aifnasifnsaionas

- feeling extra single after reading that chapter

- my heart feels full

Chapter 21

- PROTECTIVE BESTIE MAKI WOOOOOOOOOO

- love Maki and her POVS

- her and hiyori are literally best friend goals like i want that (if my irls see this ahahah no u didnt)

- the flower shop moment even the flower shop lady can tell yuta’s down bad lmaooo

- HE GETS HER ONE OF HER FAVORTE FLOWERS EVERY SINGLE DAY CUZ WHEN HE FIRST GOT HER A FLOWER IT WAS JUST ONE AFOIASFNIASFA THATS SO CUTE 

- kazuha. back. off.

- let her draw in her sketchbook that best aunt Shoko got her 

- at least he’s dead 😌 better not come between by precious TsukuOkko

- wait Yuri would be such a good ship name for YutaxHiyori thooo and it means lily too 

- my unwarranted kazuha hate cuz he’s literally the reason she got stabbed cuz she remembered his words from a flashback when she was about the absolutely destroy that crazy cult guy

- even Rika finds him creepy and she’s literally a yandere cursed spirit 

- hiyori not believing in soulmates when she’s literally blessed by a GOD and exorcises curses for a living is hilarious. GIRL U LITERALLY HAVE A TALKING FOX WDYM U THINK THE RED STRING OF FATE AND SOULMATES ARE UNREALISTIC 

- i wonder how this will work out since yuta obviously thinks they’re soulmates or smthin 

- ok tsuki is still mega sus but im starting to wonder if her disappearances for long periods of time in the story are just hiyori getting her to investigate stuff

- that would make sense but tsuki is still mega sus

- also still waiting to find out why hiyori paid mei mei 15 MILLION yen like what’s that about??? 

- ik gojo in the actual manga/anime pays mei mei 10 million at one point to help him with something so maybe it’s another parallel but i don’t think so at the same time

- what’s hiyori planning?? like why tell mei mei of all ppl to do it and not someone like nanami or something??

- moving on, what did Tsuki mean by “nothing on Hokkaido”? 

- maybe the mei mei thing + whatever is going on in Hokkaido is connected??

- we know hiyori is from hokkaido since that was where gojo found her soooo i feel like maybe she’s doing some investigation on what happened to her sister?

-back when her profile was up (pre-rewrite) it said that her main cause of stress was her missing sister so ig it makes sense

-im interested on how this subplot goes cuz even in the regular jjk anime/manga there’s a lot up with hokkaido like it just happened to be left out of Kenjaku’s culling games too

- i keep forgetting hiyori is rlly intuitive like ms. ma’am figured out something was up and got the investigation done 

- ok ok so yall know how tsuki says “if this gets out, you know what they’ll try to do since they’ve been trying to make you a more official part of the family for years now” after hiyori finds out that yuta is related to gojo? 

- i think it’s implying a forced marriage cuz we know that even tho hiyori is ADOPTED she’s still gojo’s heir AND we know that there’s a lot of attention and stuff placed on blood relations for the three big clans (like zenin, kamo, and gojo) cuz they’re old-fashioned like that (p sure there’s probably old-fashioned ppl in the gojo clan but not as bad as zenin and kamo cuz gojo satoru is the head of the clan) 

- if yuta and hiyori were to get married then she would be marrying someone of technical gojo blood cuz yuta is related to gojo thru a common ancestor even tho its distant WHICH would probably strengthen her claim as the next head of the gojo clan after satoru since that would make her an actual part of the gojo clan

- that’s definitely gonna be brought up again i can feel it in my bones 

- i think this is where u can see that hiyori, even tho she cares about doing what is most beneficial for the world and stuff along with how she mentioned she was down for an arranged marriage (not to yuta but in general) if that was most beneficiary, cares more about her loved ones cuz she’s not willing to subject yuta to an arranged marriage at all

- so ig i was wrong before and she places her loved ones and their happiness first over the world basically (aot eren yeager flashbacks oop)

-hiyori valuing yuta and rika’s relationship speaks volumes about her character because even tho yea it was probably superficial and like one of those kindergarten playground marriages type beat...it was still love 

- this is one of the reasons why i like hiyori’s character so much cuz never once does she even attempt to stand between rika and yuta’s relationship even tho she obviously has feelings for yuta

- she knows how important rika is to yuta and vice versa so she’s willing to give up and leave her feelings for yuta unrecipocated if that’s what makes both of them happy

- like this along with 20.5 emphasize how hiyori truly sees rika as a FRIEND even tho rika’s a murderous cursed spirit 

- maki is headstrong and obviously cares alot about hiyori so im glad that maki was the one who gave yuta the push he needed 

Chapter 22

- rika is so adorable going for the hello kitty plush aghhh

-  it’s nice that yuta went to tell rika first that he liked hiyori and even went thru the whole process of apologizing and stuff

- it emphasizes how yuta does love rika but he’s moving on now which most yutaxreader and yutaxoc writers don’t do like they undermine rika and yuta’s relationship in favor of the yutaxoc or yutaxreader relationship

- the author of tgkdn never once does this and emphasizes how yuta, even tho hes in love with hiyori, did love rika and still does and she’ll always have a place in his heart no matter what

- its made clear that rika will always be his childhood love and he will always love her but he also loves hiyori and he’s moving on from his past which is probably one of my favorite aspects about this book

- yuta doesn’t suddenly stop loving rika or decide he’s not gonna love her anymore. he still loves rika and he always will but he loves hiyori too and sure that love is probably greater than his love for rika cuz when ur younger u exaggerate a lot but rika will always remain as a part of his past/heart and that’s what matters 

- he chooses hiyori but its made clear that he will always care and love rika

- props to the author for doing that cuz that takes a lot of courage especially when ur own OC is involved (ik hiyori isn’t a self-insert oc but it still requires a lot of courage to pull something like this) to deal with a situation like this 

- back to hiyori, she never oversteps the boundary between her and yuta. she’s made it clear that she won’t pursue her feelings for yuta out of the respect she has for yuta, rika, and their relationships

- that’s what makes her so likeable as an oc cuz she never does something extremely stupid that can hurt other ppl just cuz she’s in love 

- her relationship with rika is one of my favorites cuz hiyori doesnt see rika as a cursed spirit but as who rika is as a person even tho hiyori has NEVER met human rika 

- yuta finding out that hiyori has been visiting rika’s grave broke my heart cuz that’s probably the moment he realized just how much of a kind soul hiyori is to go above and beyond for other people 

- like the moment he made the connection between the hello kitty stuffed animal and the hello kitty bracelet rika had was just perfect

- the flashbacks of what maki told him combined with him talking to rika is just a work of art in my opinion 

- i think this was probably one of the main points of yuta moving on and getting the closure he needs now all that’s left is rika to be freed then he finally has the closure he needs

- her waiting out in the cold for him was so wholesome 

- when hiyori wrapped the scarf around yuta my heartttt ahhhh

- red scarves are the epitome of romance (look at eren and mikasa) 

- him helping her with her coat while she takes his scarf off without either of them saying anything like its the most natural thing in the world 😌

- making sure he gets his favorite food in the bento cuz she knows he’s probably gonna be hungry

- him eating the sour plum thing for her and her moving the bento so his favorite food is in front of him is just so mfing cute

- maki and the others thinking hiyori is crazy for specifically requesting cabbage salad in her dinner even tho hiyori doesnt even like cabbage salad 

- she doesnt even like cabbage salad and yet she asks for it just cuz she knows yuta likes it (the amount of serotonin i get from these two is just ✨)

Summary 

- i think that hiyori and yuta are both stuck in the past to varying degrees

- it’s p obvious especially from “It May Be the Last” and “Under the Surface” that 

- the difference between yuta and hiyori is that they handle what happened to them in different ways like yuta ended up isolating himself and becoming depressed while hiyori continues on with her life and tries to do better 

- she strives to do better, to get stronger, so it won’t happen again and bottles up her emotions so they dont get in the way of that while yuta doesn’t bottle his emotions up

- its obvious that she’s improving and doing it less thanks to yuta, maki, and the others as seen mainly in “Rika’s Love” and “Jars”

- i hope they can learn from each other and move on from their traumatic pasts together 

- they both have a lot to unpack until they’re finally free of the past but they’re helping each other with it even if they themselves don’t know it 

- the fact that they’re both unintentionally/unknowingly helping each other thru tough times and dealing with their pasts is what makes their relationship so likeable

- ik i talk about liking hiyori a lot and that’s just because she’s a likeable OC. she’s not the type that needs saving from anyone and she’s independent

-she’s strong and knows she is 

- i just like strong female characters 

- she’s not dumb like a lot of other OCs/reader-inserts (i get that having a dumb oc/reader-insert is supposed to make them relatable but it just gets rlly annoying sometimes cuz it’s just one bad decision after another)

- it’s not like she’s perfect either tho

- it’s shown that she still has moments where she fails (and boy does she fail like she literally almost died cuz of it) and she’s flawed but her flaws enhance her character rather than make her hateable. 

- another big reason is that hiyori is nice and basically a ray of sunshine unlike most OCs/reader-inserts who act cool/cold (tsunderes and kuuderes). 

- she doesn’t try to act cold towards other ppl or try to push them away like what most OCs/reader-inserts do either 

- she’s not toxic

- there’s no her trying to deny her feelings for yuta or anything. 

- she just accepts it. 

- she doesn’t cry in front of everyone but she DOES cry in front of those closes to her. she has breakdowns and she cries which makes her human. 

- sorry now im just going on a tangent but yea i rlly like hiyori’s character and props to the author for doing out-of-the-box wild stuff 

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.   

[sunflowerspecter]

flowers (a.h.)

summary: you don’t expect his request, but it immediately draws you to him. unfortunately, you’ll probably never meet him again. 

warnings: kinda gross fluff ngl 

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader

words: 1248

note: okay this is loosely based off of this post. might do a follow-up to this one, but idk. 

It was a normal day at the shop. You were putting together an arrangement of sunflowers and humming along to the classical song that played when he walked in, a stern look on his face, in full business attire. He stepped up to you, and you could tell he was on the verge of snapping, but you could also tell he didn’t want to snap at you. You tilted your head at him. 

“How can I help you, sir?” you asked, and he bit his lip. 

“This sounds awful, but how do I give flowers to someone who I don’t like but have to give flowers to out of politeness?” 

You almost giggled at his rambled words. “Um,” you said, then you glanced around at the flowers around you, “okay. Geraniums symbolized foolishness and stupidity in Victorian times, if that’s what you’re going for,” you said, beginning a slow pace around the shop. The stranger followed you. “Oh, and there’s basil, which symbolizes hatred. Meadowsweet symbolizes uselessness, and yellow carnations can symbolize disappointment. Black roses symbolize death, which is a little bit more aggressive, but honestly, they’re my favorite.” 

He nodded, then shook his head. “If you were trying to tell your boss that she’s an idiot and needs to leave your team alone, what would you do?” 

You moved around and picked a few flowers, then moved over to the counter, and began arranging them. “May I ask what happened?” 

“I work for the BAU,” he said, then shook his head. “That’s FBI.” He paused, looking down at his hands, then sighed. “My boss has my team under watch because we make the hard choices.” 

You nodded, biting your lip. FBI explained the suit. “What does BAU stand for?” 

“Behavioral analysis unit.” 

“What’s your name?” 

He glanced up at you, seemingly surprised at the question, which made you smile. “Aaron Hotchner. What’s yours?” 

“Y/n. Y/n Y/ln.” 

“Do you own this place?” he asked, and you nodded. 

“Yes. It was my father’s, before he passed.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said instantly. 

“It was years ago,” you said. “My mother always says that he lives in these flowers, and this shop, now. I think that’s special.” 

He smiled at you, and his smile was absolutely the cutest thing you’d ever seen. “That’s beautiful, I think,” he said, and you could tell he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. 

You looked down at the arrangement in your hands, then sighed. “Well, here’s your flowers for your boss.” 

He stepped back (just a little bit), then said, “Oh, right.” He pulled out his wallet but you shook your head. 

“These are on me.” 

He almost refused, but you insisted, and you waved at him as he walked (into) out the door and out of your life. 

It was a few days later and you couldn’t stop thinking about him, when a very pretty group of women walked into the shop. 

“Are you Y/n?” one of them asked, blonde hair and purple lipstick. You nodded, and the other two (one with short dark hair and the other with longer, blonde hair) shared a look. 

“I’m JJ,” the other blonde said. “This is Emily and Penelope.” 

“We’re sorry to barge in on you,” Emily said, and you suddenly felt very exposed, “but Hotch got flowers from you the other day, right?”

“Hotch,” you muttered under your breath. “That Aaron fellow? From the BAU?” 

The girls all nodded. “He hasn’t been able to shut up about you, and he’s been so much happier than he normally is,” Penelope said. 

“He’s a grouch most of the time,” Emily said, and JJ elbowed her. 

“He’s too shy to actually come back and talk to you, but we figured we could come scope out the situation,” JJ said. 

You smiled, trying to fight the blush crawling up your neck and across your cheeks. You opened your mouth to say something, but all that came out was a nervous laugh. 

“I told you Emily would scare her,” JJ said to Penelope, who just shrugged, and Emily looked offended before throwing an arm over JJ. 

“No, no,” you said, then laughed again. “No, I really liked him.” 

The three of them all broke out into grins. 

“Okay,” Penelope said, “I have a plan.” 

~~~oOo~~~

You were a giggling mess the entire time. You had flower baskets scattered all over the BAU, which you decided you were going to keep doing, even after this whole scheme—they all saw enough darkness on their desks, they should be surrounded by pretty things, too. Your favorite part was the part that was the most suspicious. One of the other members of the team had a ‘spare’ key to Aaron’s office and let you in. 

You stared at his desk for a while, then put your vase of flowers and your note on top of it. And, all was going well, and you turned to leave, but there was someone standing in the doorway. 

“Aaron!” you gasped. “I, I was just.” You pointed to the flowers on his desk, but he was grinning, his cheeks pink. 

“Did Penelope put you up to this?” he said, his voice light as he moved into the office and picked up your note. 

“And Emily and JJ. And another man let me into your office. Emily called him Rossi.” You bit your lip, hoping that he wouldn’t read the note while you were in the room. And then, he did. 

White irises, for hope 

Sunflowers, for warmth and happiness

Pink asters, for charm 

Ranunculus, aka buttercups, for  attraction 

Peonies, for bashfulness 

In other words, I haven’t stopped thinking about you, and I’d love to see you sometime, if you like. 

He looked up and smiled at you. He opened his mouth, and then closed it, and then said, “I’d love to take you out. I’d say a specific time, but with my schedule, I don’t know when I’m going to be free.” 

You nodded. “That’s okay. Mine is very flexible.” He smiled at you. 

“I’m free right now.” 

“You just got to work,” you laughed. 

With a shrug, he said, “I’m not technically supposed to be here for another hour.” You looked down at your watch, which read 7:30 am. 

“Then why are you here now?” you laughed. 

He hesitated, then said, “My son’s school starts at nine, so I dropped him off at his aunt’s so that he doesn’t have to go too early.” 

You could practically feel the anticipation radiating off of him, so you smiled at him. “What’s his name?” 

“Jack,” he said. “He’s nine.” There were questions you wanted to ask, questions that didn’t seem appropriate, questions that made your stomach turn, a slight unease at the thought, but you decided not to, not then, at least. Aaron sighed, however. “I was married. She died.” 

A beat. 

“Oh,” you said at last. You shook your head, taking a breath, before saying, “I’m so, so sorry.” 

“If you don’t want—” 

“No,” you interrupted. “I know what you’re going to say,” you said, stepping forward, “but I want to get to know you. I want to see where this takes us.” 

At first, you weren’t sure what his face was telling you, but then, you recognized surprise. And then he smiled at you. “Do you want to go get coffee before we have to be anywhere?” 

You nodded. “I know a great place a few blocks from here.” 

“Then let’s go.”

tag list: (lemme know if you wanna be added or removed)

@quillvine​ @winterscaptain​ @agenthotchner​

last thing— 

hi y’all! i recently saw the episode with maeve for the first time and HELLO MY HEART? so am i writing  a fix-it for that? yes. that’s in the works and also i’m currently working on a really fun au and also i defintely wanna do some folklore fics so there that. however i wanted to write something in the meantime so i have a few one shots lined up for the next few days so yeah! much love, baby 

[saturnsorbits]

I've been staring at the screen for a while now and I just can't find the right words to say what I'm thinking! I just wanna scream honestly! The Dabi fic... Wow! I'd say this is in my top 3 Dabi fics of all time (every one of my faves has their own top 10) but you know what? I can't even remember what the other 2 are after reading this so this is now the best Dabi fic I've ever read!

I don't even know where to start! The characterization? Flawless! That was so.... Him! The way he talked, his facial expressions, his thoughts, everything! There wasn't a moment, not once, that I thought "yeah, no, that's a bit ooc". And that was your first time writing him? OMG!

And it was so sexy! The dialogue and the way they were 'fighting' for control, when he asked to cum inside... The smut scene was so hot and for a minute there I forgot about how we both love angst and this is a Dabi fic after all and I let myself believe this was going to have a happy ending! But it didn't 😭

You know what's the worst part? That I believe this was the best way to end the story! Ngl, I like it when in fanfiction Dabi has a soft spot for the reader and sometimes runs away with her and doesn't go through with his revenge plan, I also love fluff after all, but to be honest I believe in 'reality' he wouldn't! Your ending was true to his character, or at least the way I see him, and that hurts so much more but I wouldn't change it! Does that make sense? Sorry, I haven't slept all night so I'm rambling a bit!

I think my favourite part was when he asked about the pill! When I read the reader's reaction to the question I was like "oh shit 👀". He reacted better than I thought he would tho! And when he later briefly rubbed a finger over her belly, that was a sweet little moment! 🥺

I'm gonna have to read it a few more times to make sure I got every little detail and didn't miss anything and I might come back in your ask box with questions but the point is I love it! I love it so much and thank you for writing it! 💕

P.s. Good morning! Hope you're doing well! Have a good day at work! 😘

-👀

Morning! How’re you? Hope you’re having a good day and that you manage to catch up on some sleep later! 😘

I’m so glad you liked it! I go back and forth with this piece a lot so it’s nice to hear you say you think my characterisation of him was good! He’s such a complex character that it’s hard to manage it all? If that makes sense…

But, I agree about the ending. It was important for me to try and explore the duality underneath all of his villainy, but I never wanted to have him change; because ultimately I don’t think he would. That isn’t to say, however, that he’s devoid of all the other emotions - which is what I was getting at? He can be very much in love with Reader and mourn the life he thinks he doesn’t deserve/can’t have, while simultaneously being Hell bent on destroying both his father and Hero society.

(Side note: I think Touya would be a good dad. That’s kind of why I wrote it in. That, and to have the ‘family/becoming the father’ trauma parallel. Personally, I do not, under any circumstances, see him ‘turning into’ anything like Enji was parentally).

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

[dl4draws]

hi there!

lil' preface so i don't come off as a weirdo: i'm somewhat new to tumblr shenanigans™ so idk if it's just normal that awesome writers and artists share a bit of their progress for creating something, but you're the only blog i've witnessed doing it so you're getting this ask.

i absolutely love it here. getting to listen to (or read about?) someone's projects in the works feels like such an awesome thing! you're sharing this passion of yours with us and letting us experience this joy with you?? you're letting us see little doodles and headcanons and even a playlisy?? OMG

again, idk if that's normal on here but to me (someone who does everything on their own because who would care about my silly little craft?) this is absolute pure generosity and kindness on your part and i will never not praise that. i can't really put into words what i'm trying to say here because as much as i love the english language, it's not my first language and i just don't know how to express this properly. i guess what i want to say is thank you? thank you for all the happiness you share, thank you for letting us come on this journey with you and thank you for talking about your passion. that's a scary thing to do but whenever i see someone doing that i will 100% always sit there and listen to them talk about something they care about a lot (even if i don't understand a single thing about the topic) and try to interact and let them know that someone always cares about their thoughts and projects, even if it's just a stranger on the internet, because i know what it's like to run against a wall of indifference and i don't want anyone to feel like that.

keep talking about things that bring you joy and keep sharing them, someone's always going to support you and cheer you on and get excited with you!

this got a lot longer than i wanted it to be but my point is you're amazing and keep doing what you do, no matter how much you want to share of it or how long it takes! there's always going to be support and someone who appreciates you and your work.

idk if this should be anon or not because i don't want to seem so incredibly weird and out of place with my long stupid ask here-- this feels so uncalled for

take this virtual hug

hi hi hi good morning, I am throwing my reputation away and say I’m about to cry

Okay so I’m answering this bit by bit! I don’t think it’s that rare to see a content creator share stuff about their writing/art! At least with the people I’ve surrounded myself, there’s always sneaky posts here, reblogs with tags and stuff about their characters! It’s always so much fun to see those, see people share little details about their work is always fascinating to me! Personally I adore sharing the process because I am having Too Much fun and being extremely chaotic and I think it’s cool to share me having only half a braincell with you all lol

I’m so glad you like it here in my little corner of tumblr!!! I’m not an oversharer in any aspect of my life usually but with aus i go full beast mode and start talking and good luck shutting me up lmao as of right now I don’t really have time for full drawings (which is exactly why the hanahaki au isn’t already finished). Getting to doodle for this au has helped me with wanting to draw but not being exactly able to, and with getting stuff off my mind! I’m not very forgetful but with ideas I usually think about them, have a Good Laugh tm, proceed to think about it for half an hour and then forget about it, unless I scream about it to someone (or just make a post and announce it to you all).

One thing u might not know about me is that I make playlists for everything. If u go through my spotify playlist you’ll see many playlist, but I have so many secret ones bakshssk making a playlist for an au or for a fic (sometimes I make playlists for fics I read!)

I absolutely adore hearing about everyone’s ideas, like you said, listening to someone talk about something they’re passionate about is always so fascinating!! And it makes me so happy to see that someone trusts me enough to open their mind and share their ideas with me, even if (again like you said) I understand nothing of the topic! Honestly I am extremely thankful for you, and everyone who has ever interacted with me or my silly ideas. It hypes me up so much to see you all liking and sending me stuff about it (every time I get a random ask about something I said, or a headcanon or anything 25 years are added to my life ngl). I never thought people would enjoy my aus, be it the hanahaki one or the street racing one (or the beauty and the beast one!!!) You guys really are amazing!! And I totally get what you mean with running with a wall of indifference, I’ve been there and it’s not fun, but I’ve learned who to share with and who not to share with, and that’s okay (for me). I’m not a very good talker but I’ve been told I’m good listener, so if anyone ever has any problems, anything they’d like to talk about please never hesitate on sending me an ask or a message!! (zukka wingfic anon I’m still thinking about you)

Nooooo, please I didn’t find this weird at all!!!! I actually feel so flattered I haven’t been able to stop smiling :D it makes me so happy to see you enjoy my silly content, and that makes me want to create more of it!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day/night, and know that I’ll be thinking about this all month hakahaksb