#i hope it doesn't end the same in the canonverse though

[risarchives]

imperium!david brainrot

[blush-and-books]

short darvey drabble that i wrote awhile ago and feel like impulsively sharing!!! canonverse, a little over 1k word count, just... tension and pining and a little dash of angst!!

She remembers it happening for the first time – and, consequently, last time – after her and Mark come to a disappointed and inconclusive end. 

Harvey calls her, he calls because he hates texting with the stupid little keys on his phone and hates how any message he types out sounds like he’s pissed off unless he adds a smiley face like Donna tried to tell him to do, so he calls her instead. First for business, then to joke about Louis and hear her laugh over the phone, and then–

“How was your night with Mark?”

It was so easy for him. After the other time, how he just slipped into being her best friend and boss while she warded off a demon of a crush, it all seemed so simple. Ask about her boyfriend, ask about her mom and complain about the recent episode of Survivor, all the while she still feels like she is miles from normal. Something about him – between licking whipped cream off of her collar bone and sweeping her away to a shiny new law firm – rooted itself inside of her head.

She dates and flirts and goes out. She acts normal. 

She starts turning on the intercom to his office just to hear his voice. 

“Well, uh– We broke up last night, actually.”

There’s a moment of quiet. Donna kind of hopes that Harvey can just say “well, his loss” and get over it, but instead: “What’d he do?”

Donna blinks at her cup full of steaming coffee and somehow comes back into herself. “What do you mean?”

“I mean what did he do? You didn’t just decide to end it.”

Her response patiently sits at the tip of her tongue. Any hyper-specific and borderline ridiculous cause of death for her and Mark’s relationship that would be believable to Harvey, make him laugh, make him drop this– 

But Donna has a problem. 

A couple problems, actually. The first being that she doesn't like lying to Harvey. Sometimes, the intimacy of how she knows him and the increasing realization that he knows significantly less about her gives her the urge to open it all up – diaries and locked memories and she just wants him to know everything, she’s dying for it, to be understood by him. She knows everything about him and feels adoration flush with every fact – if he knew her in the same way, in the dark corners and sparkled eyes and coffee orders, couldn’t he love her just like this?

Love her with everything, because of everything? 

The second problem is that even though it burns her, she likes to stick her hand into fire and see how long it takes for the pain to register. Donna will bait him and open doors for him and he doesn’t reciprocate her feelings so he does not take it, but she’ll keep trying until he gives her something new to hold onto. 

So here she goes, again.

“You’re right, because I didn’t. He did.”

It’s just a friend telling a friend about the end of a relationship. 

It doesn’t have to be–

“Oh.” Yeah. “... Was it because of me?”

The fire stokes. Donna’s heart blisters, because yes, it was fucking because of Harvey, and how dare he even have the nerve to ask her a question like that after everything? 

She loves him with so much rage that it sours to venom for her to spit out. 

“Not everything is about you, Harvey.” It’s not even true. 

Looking back, Donna does not even remember what Harvey said in response to that. But she knows that she would remember if he ever asked about her dating life again – she draws a blank, because he never did. 

–

It’s the kind of question she never has to ask him, because the women in his life come and go for their own reasons. Donna sees how it wears him down. His want to make things work with each woman almost seems to outweigh his actual care for them at all – he charms himself into relationships and then recklessly realizes he doesn’t know where to go from there. Even though she’s never had a true friendship with Scottie, Donna knows that the end of Scottie and Harvey was all him. 

But then there’s Paula. 

Donna seethes at the thought of them – at the thought of a companionship that brings Harvey peace she’s never seen, the thought of a woman with him that knows his favorite restaurant and can read his emotions without needing a translator.

She’d just barely broken down in the office – home was where the real show started. Wine and When Harry Met Sally and so much anguish that it found itself shattered in glass shards on her kitchen floor. 

Over and over and over, a new woman who isn’t her, a new woman he wants to make it work with, he’s serious about this one–

She’s only ever been serious about him. 

An ultimatum is set, and suddenly, Donna’s world shifts. 

In all her time working for him and working with him, the most constant facet of her life that she’s ever known was that he would never not be there. She never even doubted that that wasn’t reciprocated – what else is she supposed to think when he brings her with him to his job at Pearson Hardman, when he faces a health crisis in her absence? 

The only thing she thought she knew was that wherever she was, Harvey was supposed to be there too; and she wasn’t going anywhere without him.

And then she was told that his new girlfriend demanded otherwise, and that he was actually going to listen. 

That was the final nail in the coffin. Donna knew it, then and there, that her love would have to be packed with her things in a box and dragged kicking and screaming through those elevator doors because Harvey was calling the shots like he always did, and he was calling that Paula was more important than her. 

When she got in that cab, she told herself she was finally free. And it felt like sinking.

But then he’s at her door. 

He’s there, frowning, pissed off, holding her affectionately-penned resignation letter and shredding it between his fingers. He’s there and he’s telling Donna that Paula is no longer an issue, because they aren’t together anymore. He’s there and she realizes that she’s not free at all, but she’s flying, because he’s there. 

“Are you okay?” She asks him, because she might be flying, but he doesn’t have to be. He wanted this one to work, she reminds herself. 

“Will you come back?”

It hurts in the most pleasurable way possible, because suddenly his wellbeing is tied to her, and not the other way around. Paula’s gone. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t want Donna to be gone, too. 

She’s sticking her hand into the flame again when she invites him inside for a drink, and gets burned when he tells her it won’t be happening that night. At this point, she doesn’t even feel the sting – but that’s dangerous, because she’ll just keep trying, no matter the damage. 

Donna remembers hoping he gets home safely and forgoes a glass of wine to just drink some cold water and sit in this feeling for a moment, sober and sensitive. 

He chose her. 

How tightly can she cling to that thought without it tearing? 

The next day, she goes into his office to thank him. His shoulders aren’t tense. It’s beautiful. 

As she’s leaving, she can’t help it–

“It was because of me?”

She tries not to sound prideful. She doesn’t even mean to, but she fears she does, anyway. 

Harvey nods, just once. “It was.”

Not everything is about you, Harvey. Lies from a version of herself that was tired of the fight. 

“I’m sorry,” she offers. She means it. He knows she does. 

“Don’t be.”

And then he smiles at her – a small, Harvey smile, the kind that has always been there to remind her that he’s never going to let anything happen to her. That no matter that, they are okay.

[essenceofblack]

(sighs, swallowing a twinge of nervousness) "First post... microphone is on. Blog is live.

Greetings. My name is Chip Revvington, former regional manager of C.O.G.S., Inc. After making several guest appearances on the Toonsday Kingdom ask blog, I wanted to continue practicing social interaction in a controlled setting, so my dear Dynamite suggested I open an 'ask blog' of my own. I've been sleeping on it, and as new as this is to me it turns out I quite like the idea, so... here I am.

I hope this will be a pleasant experience for all of us. Should you have any questions for me, do keep things civil. ... I've been through enough already.

Other than that, I look forward to speaking with whoever it may concern."

// Admin: Hey y'all, welcome to my VERY OWN Chip Revvington askblog!!! For now it's just him on here, but I may add other canon characters (my interpretations of them, anyway) who want to talk to y'all too :-)

Some ground notes and rules:

This blog is proship safe! If that bothers you, go on and leave.

NSFW asks will only be answered from those I know and trust.

My portrayal of Chip is very headcanon-heavy, especially around 1) his mental health and 2) the nature and origin of the Override, so bear with me. Please don't correct anything that doesn't match up with canon here.

Speaking of non-canon stuff, my Chip - the one you'll be interacting with on this blog - belongs to my Corporate Clash canonverse. It's quite the AU ^^; Chip is one of several managers part of the Toonsday Kingdom, a covert collaborative effort between select Toons and Suits to put a true end to this war and to quiet each other's demons. Again, do not correct anything regarding AU lore, especially around managers associating with Toons.

If Chip is cold or standoffish to you, it's most likely not personal. He's doing his best to thaw the ice, though.

You can send asks in-character as anyone you want! Who you're playing as may affect how Chip answers you.

Chip is taken - specifically, in a closed polycule with Deputy Dynamite Sparkleberry (my OC) and my versions of the Major Player and Duck Shuffler - so he won't take kindly to outside flirting. I know, I know, we all have it hot for chainsaw!

I block liberally. Don't be shocked if you can't see me anymore.

Further housekeeping will be tagged as #about the blog.

Affiliated blogs and tags:

@ask-thetoonsdaykingdom — You can ask Dynamite, and his friends, questions here! Part of the same universe as this blog; as well, the Chip who's made guest spots there is the same one you'll be talking to here.

Aight, with all that out of the way, let's get the chainsaw revving! (In a good way. Hope that was funny lol)

[alto-tenure]

I've been rotating in the back of my head Masked Gentleman Angela for a while now, but the most critical thing about it is that...like...it's hard to imagine a Monte d'Or without Angela’s input at all. And one could write an Angela that falls for Descole’s manipulation, but the manipulation would have to be very different, in light of the fact that:

1) Whatever configuration you've chosen to stay would probably not be married, and if they were, it would be for love and not for something else

2) The whole thing about Angela’s marriage to Henry was that it was born of pressure.

This is not to criticize pre-existing AUs -- I am much, much pickier about characterization in my own work compared to others' work. I do not have these nitpicky thoughts about other people. Just me.

But let's explore those different configurations just for a moment before we get into our other problems with this theoretical scenario.

1) Randall + Hershel & Henry; this one makes the most sense in some ways. Randall is the one who was responsible for Angela’s death, and he wanted to leave anyways. I don't think Hershel and Henry would bond over their mutual grief for Angela, if only because they were never particularly close before and they're more acquaintances than real friends. Angela and Henry’s dynamic as teens is more cordial than Hershel and Henry’s. And I'm not sure Hershel has the sort of blind optimism to stay and wait for 18 years. This is not to say that canonverse!Henry and Angela are naive, precisely, just that they have a very stubborn and very particular approach to hope.

2) Hershel + Randall & Henry; I suppose it's a possibility in the version of this that exists where Hershel and Angela are on the expedition to explicitly prevent Randall from trying. I think that might be interesting. Um. Randall and Henry probably can bond, but I'm not sure Henry would be able to persuade Randall to stay and wait with him. And that leads us to the final configuration quite nicely...

3) Randall & Hershel + Henry; note the way this one is configured. I imagine in this scenario Hershel and Randall leave together instead of Henry leaving. Remember that Henry was fired from his position for failing to keep Randall safe. No such thing would happen here, meaning that Henry is stuck in the Ascot household.

Other considerations that are required to approach a state of canon close enough where the Masked Gentleman can exist:

1) How dedicated are Angela’s parents to searching for Angela in the wake of her death?

I think, because the lead-up to this being the fact that Angela’s brother is dead because of something archaeology, you have to acknowledge that no matter how much you think they would care about Angela they would still be more inclined to presume she's dead rather than spending their money searching for her because they already lost a previous child in a similar fashion.

2) Why is Angela there to fall, and who drops her?

These are connected so I'm putting them under the same heading. I've raised a couple of different possibilities already, for those paying attention. The first being that Randall took Angela to the ruins as the grandest proposal to end all grand proposals -- he would have stood there with the gold behind him and offered it all to her, and the other being that Hershel and Angela (and Henry would probably be in on it too, though he doesn't come along for the adventure himself) are trying to keep Randall out of it and think if they find it he'll stop obsessing so much. From a storytelling perspective, this means that Angela’s death would be not a product of arrogance or belief in actually finding it, but a way that ends up reflecting more on Randall than it does on her, which is Not Cool.

Okay, to summarize why I haven't been able to figure this out:

1) Randall holds the center for the Hershel-Angela-Randall-Henry group of people, and without him the ways they fall apart make sense. Without Angela the ways they fall apart are immediately less clear. They are all friends with her to an extent as well, but Randall was (back in Stansbury) the star which they all orbited around.

2) Angela cannot "die" in the same way that Randall does in the ruins, since she’s a different character and that death would be difficult to make fit a character arc that is about her. Not impossible! Just difficult to make feel in character.

So, uh, okay, let's approach this again, from a slightly different thematic angle. Randall in canon has hubris as his fatal flaw, at least as a teen. His arrogance is what ultimately leads him to his demise in Akbadain.

What is Angela’s tragic flaw? What setup is there for her to fall into? Why would she die in the first place?

I think the answer to this is that Angela is bad with change. She's inflexible.

We will come back to this later.

[the-boy-who-sought-freedom]

Role-Play Rules/General Guideline

I normally only roleplay 'extreme' literate. That means at least over five sentences. (400 - 1000 words.) This, of course, doesn't always apply in certain cases. Sometimes a reply may be small, so be it. Feel free to DM me if you need an example of how I write. I will gladly provide you with an excerpt from a previous RP I have done, or even link you to my AO3 Account. Please have somewhat of a strong grasp of grammar. If you don't know the difference between their, there, and they're, as well as your, and you're, then we're probably not a good match. Punctuation is an exception since I myself sometimes struggle with this! I RP THIRD-PERSON POV ONLY!

I have zero triggers! This doesn't mean that I will do absolutely anything. This just means that if you have an idea and I like it/am interested, then I will accept it. Aka gore, incest, smut, LGBTQ+, Homophobia, different types of AU's, prostitution, alcoholism, drug abuse, self-harm, mpreg, etc. I should be okay with it. :) Note: I will not RP Canonverse/Canon-Divergence.

I have the right to refuse you as a partner or end the RP for any reason at any time. I am not obligated to finish it. Frankly, I don't owe you shit, just as you don't owe me anything. I mean this in the nicest way possible. I respect you as a person and I only wish the same in return. If you are unable to reply for a while, simply let me know! I will try to be understanding since real life always comes first!

DON'T SPAM! This is the fastest way to get yourself blocked. If I don't reply immediately, that probably means that I am busy. I consider myself very swift to reply to you, or at the very least let you know if I will be able to reply that day/week/month or not. If you haven't replied in over a week with no explanation I might simply nudge you. It'll possibly look like this: 'Hello, just wondering how you're doing?' 'Hey, are you going to reply this week/day?' 'Are you growing bored of the RP? Need me to do anything?' etc. Again, this is not a job. I do not get paid, so I have the right to relax. We both should. Roleplaying is how I wind down for the day/is a healthy distraction from everyday life. I'd assume it's similar for you. Take care of yourself first as I will ultimately do the same!

No God-modding, please. Unless you specifically ask, or I tell you that it's alright because I recognize that the scene calls for more action on either of our parts in order to move forward, then I will have absolutely none of that. A character can be strong, yes, but it's simply overkill if you won't allow another character to fight back, make them rich and famous and the other dirt poor... I hope you understand what I mean. RP should be 50/50 so that it is enjoyable for us both. (This rule can be exempt in certain circumstances/settings.)

Starters. This is a big one for some reason. I am willing to write a starter as long as we've spoken ahead first. I'd like to know the general plot so that I don't fuck up an idea you had/have or get the setting wrong. Again, if we message each other we should have no problems. I'd prefer if you asked first as I will always ask if unsure before writing my reply.

Where do I roleplay? Good question. I DO NOT roleplay in reblogs. I DO however roleplay on sites like Discord, Chatzy, or on Tumblr in DM’s, though my favourite is most definitely Discord.

Characters/Ships. I actually consider myself a multi-shipper and thus I tend to be generally okay with any pairing. Some examples of my favourites are Jean x Eren, Erwin x Levi, Floch x Eren, Zeke x Eren, Zeke x Levi, Hanji x Levi, etc. I don’t mind if there are ships within the RP. I actually love it when there’s things like an ex-boyfriend, one is still married, cheating, etc. It gives it some flavour. ;)

Plot! Plot is very important to me. Although I do write smut from time to time, I'd much rather RP plot with a fair bit of smut rather than purely NSFW. That simply isn't as enjoyable to me as a generally nonsexual person even though what I write on AO3 seems to be hypersexual at first glance. I know how to write it- have written it well as far as I've been told -so I will initiate it from time to time if the mood is right. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, strangers to friends to lovers... Let's just say I eat that shit up. Bring on the AU's!

Finally, the last thing I can think of at the moment besides the whole 'I hope you understand and accept' deal, is if you have any more questions, my DM’s are always open! I may not get to them right away but I'll make sure to check as often as I can! Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.

Once again, this is just a general guideline to follow. I am willing to be flexible, as well as disregard certain aspects if necessary!!!

[minerviewrites]

AoT support hcs :]

Sfw, canonverse comfort hcs. Included are Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Hange, and Reiner :)) Maybe a part 2 with more characters?

Warnings: slight angst, panic attacks implied, depression and anxiety implied, gender neutral reader (cut for length)

Eren- He's very subtle about his comfort, especially after the war with Marley starts. If Eren finds that you're having a difficult time, he will usually rub your back up n down while you speak about what's bothering you. He'll take you on a walk if you want to clear your mind a little bit, but if you don't, he's perfectly fine with just staying put and holding your hand

Mikasa- Her first question would be "Who did this to you?". She's very protective, and doesn't always know if the problem is emotional unless you tell her. Once you tell her, she's quick to wrap her scarf around you and hug your back. Mikasa isn't the best with comfort, so you'll have to lead her or tell her what you want her to do. She does give the best messages though, so if your comfortable with that your in for a treat

Armin- He'll open his arms and slowly envelope you in a hug, making sure you're comfortable with it first. His number one priority is making sure you're okay and stable, so everything else comes after. Armin will move you both to the couch, letting you get into the position of your liking before he pulls a book off the side table, and begins to read it to you softly. This is how his grandpa would comfort him, and he hopes it'll work for you too

Jean- He hates seeing you upset, and he's actually quite good at comfort. He'll pull of his scout jacket and drape it over your shoulders, holding your hand tightly. Jean will softly kiss the top of your head and tell you that everything's okay, and that he's here for you no matter what. He'll also cook something small for you if you want it, and makes sure to bring you water

Connie- Tries to make you laugh as much as possible. They do say laughter is the best medicine after all, and Connie takes this to heart. He rains kisses down in your face and softly tickles your sides, making sure to slip in many "I love you's" while he's at it. Connie will cuddle and kiss you until you've settled down, and when you do, he'll go get your favorite food

Sasha- Very much alike Connie in that she tries to distract you as much as possible. It's not that she doesn't care about your feelings, she just doesn't want to see you sad. She'll offer to bake together, and tries to tickle you the ENTIRE TIME, so you both end up losing track of what step you're on. Somehow everything turns out alright, as it always does when you're with Sasha

Levi- Very quick to evaluate the situation and deciphers what you need at the moment. It could be affirmation, water, physical touch; anything you need to ground yourself, he'll do without a doubt. Levi tries to comfort you the same way he always wanted, and this usually ends up with him rubbing his thumb lightly over the top of your hand while softly petting your head with his other

Hange- They panic at first, asking you what you need and why you're upset frantically. They'll quickly calm down once they realize what's going on, and pull you close. Hange will hold you for as long as you need/want, and then they'll rant about whatever new study their working on with titans. It's their own way of distracting you from your thoughts, since they don't really know any other way to comfort you

Reiner- He tries his best to give you what you need in the moment. You'll have to lead him since he's afraid of making you uncomfortable, but once you reassure him that you're okay and aren't bothered with his presence, he'll give you anything you want. Reiner cares deeply for you, and will go to hell and back to guarantee your safety and comfort. Usually he doesn't have to go as far as hell though, just to the couch to cover you with a blanket and plop down next to you

[lunaekalenda]

😭/tragiccomedia with maybe a bit of 😣, 💕⚔️ with Levi x reader

so I was thinking abt hw they're always expecting them to die on a mission bc of a titan and getting eaten bc they weren't fast enough or sth like tht and even tho it'll hurt, they're ready for tht right? but wht if levi finds y/n (tw:sui*ide) in their bathtub bleeding out after she tried to kill herself or maybe whn they're out on a mission she gets injured bc she purposefully doesn't move away even tho she coulda easily dodged and Levi notices and talks to her abt it later. Maybe he gets rly angry at first but then eventually gets sad/worried after he realises she's suicidal? Tht parts rly upto u, but I just want a happy ending. Btw, whether she's a cadet and in his squad or a squad leader herself, I'd just rly like her to also be strong and capable of taking care of herself and I feel like tht'll hit him harder whn he realizes it, than if she were weaker.

You mentioned it was okay to specify but it's ur story so it's upto u as long as it sticks to just the concept. Totally understand if u don't wanna write this but tnx anyways (and sorry if its long) 😄

it's cool hun! i hope you like it and thanks for participating!

also thanks to @levisgirll for your help!

tragicomedia + couple +  canonverse feat Levi Ackerman

suicide, non-graphic implied self-harm, blood, suicide thoughts, anxiety delicate themes. please be careful about the content under this line, and if you reblog it, please tag the suicide and self-harm warnings!. for precaution. thanks

Screams.

That’s the only thing you can hear. 

“Y/N!” someone yells. The titan’s smile is horrendous. 

Is this the last thing you’re going to see?

Is not as your legs can’t move. They do move. You brain isn’t executing the orders. You don’t want to move.

You’re so tired. Tired of going out to expeditions, tired of hearing people’s goodbyes before every single mission. They know maybe they won’t return. Maybe you won’t return. Life in the Corps is just a bittersweet game of russian roulette. You’re not afraid, though. You keep your eyes fixed on the titan’s bloodthirsty ones. 

Maybe you’ll be remembered as a martyr. The squad leader that sacrificed for the humanity. Maybe you won’t be remembered as a coward.

You’re not a coward. Stand in front of a titan, making visual contact, is not that easy. But, at the same time, stay still without even trying to kill it, knowing it won’t hesitate to kill you...

The titan leans on towards you. Its big mouth open, ready to eat you. You feel a hand in your waist and, as fast as possible, someone takes you far from the titan. You could recognize his body and his scent everywhere. Your hands hug his neck while you move fast between the trees. He stops near the entry of the forest.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes scanning you. You nod, your hand searching his. Levi caresses it quietly. He looks to the distance, seeing all the red and black lights. He looks at you, serious. He’s angry. “We’ll talk about it when I arrive home. Go and wait for me.” He knows you need to be as far as possible from the battlefield, at least from now. You nod again and, pressing his lips on your forehead, he goes back to the mission as fast as he left it. You sigh, getting on top of your horse, heading back home. You want to take a bath while waiting for Levi, so you open the hot water in your bathtub and wait for it to fill. You have been living with Levi for a couple years now, since you two decided to formalize your relationship. You’re really thankful for him, even knowing he doesn’t deserve you. He deserves someone strong and independent, not a burden. He deserves a happiness you can’t give him.

The invasive thoughts start to be overwhelming. You feel how your lungs beg for air as you hyperventilate, the sound of the water falling in the bathtub making your head hurt. You close the water and get naked, leaving the ODMS and the blades near your clothes, on the floor. You enter with a sigh. Will Levi be back soon? You don’t want to bother him, but you’ll pay for his cuddles. He has been so nice to you all this years... Maybe is he going out with you because he feels like you need someone? Maybe he’s just being you pillar? The thoughts start once again, as noisy as before. You sigh, your head between your hands.

You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve happiness. You don’t deserve anything.

You lean over the bath to take your blades. They’re broke, a little part of it about to get parted of the principal body of the sword. You take it. It’s extremely sharp. Are you able to feel? Do you feel pain? Do you feel warm?

Levi entered home, the scent of your soap in the air. He starts to take his shirt off while he goes upstairs, his mind lost in how your body will hug his under the hot water, after a difficult day.

He didn’t know he’ll find your empty gaze waiting for him, red water dripping from the bath, a bloody blade in the floor. Levi runs towards you, kneeling in front of you.

“You are home.” You say. He turns your arm. Fortunately, you didn’t cut really deep, and it is just a couple superficial wounds, but enough to catch an infection because of the used blades, or maybe get dizzy for the loss of blood. He takes your naked body out of the bathtub, wrapping it softly with a towel, being careful with your arm. He leaves you in the bed, and then he runs towards the medical set he has home. He runs back to you. You’re sitting on the bed, your feet hanging from it. Levi looks at you, taking some bands out of the box. 

“Why.” He says. He cleans your wounds quietly with some water.

“Why what?” you ask him. You know what is he asking. Why you didn’t move. Why you took the sharp blade.

Why, why, why, why. That’s the only thought in his mind. Isn’t he good for you? Is he making you feel bad? Is he not taking good care of you? Is he making you feel as if he didn’t love you?

“Why did you stay in front of it?” he asks, his voice just a whisper. “Why did you hurt yourself, love.”

His fingers caress quietly the cuts on your arm. Why did you do it? Maybe you just wanted to make sure you can feel something. Your eyes start to drop tears. Levi looks at you, concerned. 

“I... I...” the words are stuck on your throat. “Why are you still with me? I only give you suffering.”

He kneels in front of you, your low gaze finding his. His hand is still around your wrist.

“Because I love you, and I care for you.” he says. He gives you a little sweet smile. “And I don’t know what could I do if you hurt yourself or give up, y/n.” he trembles just with the thought of being some minutes late. You could be so much worse. He tries to keep the tears away. “Please, keep fighting.”

“It’s difficult when you see how your soldiers die in front of your eyes.” you say. Reality hits Levi. You’re a squad leader. You have seen subordinates die under your commands. He knows that feeling.

“I know it is a nightmare, love.” he says. He takes your hand to his cheek. “But please. I need you.” Your heart shakes when you hear that coming from him. He takes your arm and kisses your wounds, so softly and sweet that they could heal just with the touch of his lips. One by one, with patience and tenderness, he kisses every part of the cuts you have.

“Don’t hurt yourself, please.” he asks, no, he begs in a whisper. “Please.”

His lips keep tracing the irregular cuts, one by one. Tears run fast down your cheeks, your wet hair also dropping some drops on the floor. 

“I’m so sorry, Levi.” you cry. You don’t want to give up, you want the life you two promised under the roof of your first shared house.

“We will live outside the walls when this end. We will have a cat, and also form a family. We will grow old side by side.”

You want that. You want to reach that life, you want to exterminate all the titans to pay revenge for your fallen comrades. 

“I know it isn’t easy, love.” he says. His hands are now putting a band around your arm. “I know it is difficult. But you’re strong.” he smiles quietly. You smile at him, a sad smile. He takes a ring out of his jacket. He turns it a couple times between his fingers before taking yours, sliding the silver ring on your ring finger. “I... I bought this.” he says. “Do you know the legend of vena amoris?” he asks. You shake your head. He puts all your hair in a bun, and puts you one of his shirts, taking the wet towel away. He sits next to you, taking your body next to his. His hand caressing the ring on your finger. “Supposedly, vena amoris is a vein we have on our left ring finger.” where he put the ring. “Traditional texts say that we have a vein that goes from our left ring finger...” his index traces a way from your finger to inside your arm. “... passing from your arm...” his finger moves on, reaching your shoulder and going down to the place your heart is located. “... and ends in your heart. It was a believing that this finger had direct connection with the heart. With medicine and all the advances, they discovered it isn’t true, but it has that symbolic presence.” you’re a little bit confused. “I want you to wear this ring in this finger, love. I want you to look at this ring and remember me, how I’ll be always caring and fighting for you and your heart.” you start to cry again, he’s such a pure soul.

"I'm so sorry, Levi." you cry. He pats your head soflty, a little smile on his face after he realized you changed a little bit your way of thinking. "I'm sorry you... you always have to be behind me, having my back. You always loved me in such a pure way. You always care for me, and I was always so selfish, I never thought what could you think if i did that to myself. I'm sorry, Levi. I'm really sorry, I..." He hugs you, taking you closer to him, letting you cry on his chest. Now, you feel shame. You feel disgust. You want to vomit.

“I’m disgusting.” you say. Levi looks at you.

“You’re not. You’re strong and you have been enduring so much. It is normal, people reach a limit. You should be proud of making it until now.” He kisses your head, right on your hair. “I’m proud of you. And I’m sure you’ll keep standing strong as the super human you are. But please, don’t hurt yourself.”

You take your face out of his chest. He looks at you.

“I want to see you as strong and beautiful as always, love. Don’t let this bring you down, hm?” you nod quietly.

You take your finger near your mouth, lips pressing quietly against the silver surface of the ring. Levi smiles.

“I’ll be always by your side, remember it.”

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

[reylo-solo]

Angsty prompt: Canonverse, hurt/comfort maybe. Though being tired, alone and depressed after the events of TLJ, Ben doesn't want talk to Rey or even see her again because he feels abandoned and betrayed by her.

Okay, you asked for this…here comes the pain train…

Read it on AO3.

Shut Me Out

               He thought he knew pain.

               He had suffered loss,disappointment, loneliness and regret. He had been tortured, manipulated, liedto, and preyed upon. His body had scars and bruises and aches. But this wassomething different. This was sharper, and colder. It pierced his heart first,and then it radiated out until it was all he could feel and all he could thinkof. It consumed him. It kept him awake at night. It ate away at his mind andreplaced it with one painful memory that continued to haunt him.

               When Rey had closed the Falcon’sdoor on him, on the possibility of them,he thought he knew pain.

               In the days following their icydeparture on Crait, Kylo Ren had gone about his time like a ghost, passingthrough people, leaving a cold and dreary energy in his wake. He was SupremeLeader now, but he felt no different. Worse, actually, because he had neverwanted this in the first place. He had thought he did, a long time ago. But nowhe’d seen what his life could be like if he took a different, more enticingpath, and he could desire nothing else. But the girl at the end of that pathhad shut the door on him, and in doing so she had sentenced him to suffer afate worse than death. That was something he could never forgive her for, andnever forgive himself for either. So he resigned himself to a life of misery,and he grew harder and colder with each passing day.

               It seemed his natural impulsewas to torture himself. How could it not be? He’d done it every day for as longas he could remember. When he was young, he’d make himself sick worrying aboutwhat his parents would say or do if they knew about the voice in his head andwhat it told him. As a teen, it was the ever-present fear of disappointing hisuncle, matched with the unbalanced emotions of a pubescent boy. Until eventuallyhe gave up and submitted to the Dark Side, where he thought he belonged. It hadworked for a while. He’d been able to fool even himself. But then Rey had comealong and ruined everything.

               It drove him mad to think abouther, and about whatever strange bond they shared. But he thought about thesethings every day, no matter how hard he tried to block them out. He’d yell athimself to stop it, to stop seeing her.

               She betrayed me. She abandoned me, like everyone else in my life. Shenever wanted the same thing as me. She took my Master, my family, and my hopeaway from me. She deserves to be forgotten.

               And yet her face was scarredinto his memory. Every night, when he managed to shut his eyes for just a briefinterlude of sleep, she would be right there waiting for him. Forcing him tothink about it, about the night she left. And really, how could he forget? Hehad never known pain like he felt that day.

               For two months afterward he hadthought their bond to be closed forever. He’d never see her again unless it wasin battle. But then, one day when he had been sitting in Snoke’s former throne,listening to men bicker and argue, every hair on his body stood on end. Hisskin prickled as the energy in the room shifted and suddenly, in the blink ofan eye, he wasn’t in the throne room anymore. His heart stopped beating in hischest for a fraction of a second as his new surroundings came into focus. Theengineering station of the Falcon still felt familiar to him; easilyrecognizable. It was dark inside, though, and a shadow gently moved in thecorner.

               A human shape sat up and yawned.A girl. Her hair was half-up and half-down, as it had been on the day she’dleft him, but it was in disarray from sleep. She had clearly been working onsomething when she’d fallen asleep; various tools were splayed around her, andan open toolbox was resting at her feet. For the life of him Kylo couldn’tunderstand how she seemed able to sleep just about anywhere.

               She turned her head to face him,eyes barely open. There were soft purple circles under those sleepy hazel eyes.Kylo felt a distinct pang in his chest. Her eyes opened just a little more, andthen they flew open wide and she gasped, nearly screaming as she saw him.

               “Ben—!” she exclaimed. Shealmost looked happy to see him. How dare she?

               He frowned, because her voicesaying his name made him want to forgive all she had done to him. He quicklybacked away, away from her, away from their bond, and closed the door tightbehind him. The pain had reignited in his chest, like a barely-healed woundreopening for the hundredth time. He had to excuse himself and retire for theday, unable to think of anything else besides the ache inside him.

               He hated himself for wanting tosee her and being unable to stand it at the same time. He’d spent all that timebeing depressed and angry, maybe seeing her and hearing her speak kindly to himagain would heal him! But no, she had hurt him already, and he was not about toopen himself up again just to have the same thing happen.

               His fingers lightly traced thescar upon his face, the one she had given him, back when she had given him noreason to think she could ever care for him. Back when she was just ascavenger, and he was just an apprentice. Back when things were much less complicated.

               Yes, he could understand thathis actions on Crait were far less than what she expected, but he’d been hurt –by her. It made all of his rage accumulate and he’d never learned how to dealwith that properly. Thinking about this he’d tried to convince himself that itwas a good thing she’d decided to walk away from him. She saved herself fromhim. He only wished he could do the same.

               She had the audacity to reachout to him once after their accidental connection. She had lingered behind himas he had worked on his lightsaber. At first she didn’t speak, but he knew shewas there. He could feel her eyes burning holes in the back of his head. Hishands began to shake until he couldn’t work anymore and he just set his toolsdown atop the desk and waited for her to leave.

               But she didn’t. And he didn’tturn around to acknowledge her.

               They sat in silence for anagonizingly long time. All the while, Kylo’s heart was pounding in his chestand making it harder to breathe. He wanted her to leave, but a part of himwanted nothing more than for her to stay and never go away. And he couldn’ttell if her closeness was dulling the pain or making it worse.

               He heard a sniffle from behindhim, and then another one. When she spoke, her voice trembled. She was crying.She had been crying, for how long hedidn’t know.

               “Ben, please…” she sobbed. “Ijust need to know you’re alright…”

               He didn’t reply. His shoulderstensed as he lifted them up near his ears, trying desperately to shut her out.

               “We still have this bond! We canstill use it…please. I feel so lost…”

               “Go away.” His voice was rough,crackling with emotion.

               “Ben, no. Don’t.”

               “Leave. Now.”

               “No! You will not send me away!”

               He slid off his stool andwhirled around, tears burning in his own eyes.

               “You sent me away! Now how does it feel?!” he screamed. “Tell me, does ithurt you as much as it hurts me?”

               He crossed the room until hisshadow fell over her like a curtain. Her tear-stained face peered up at him,full of defiance and a bit of intimidation.

               “Does it hurt you so much thatsometimes you can’t even draw a breath? Are you haunted every single day by thesame agonizing memory like I am?”

               He was shaking like a leaf, andso was she. Her shoulders quaked as she sobbed involuntarily, her lips pursedtogether in an unsteady line.

               “Do you really think I don’t?”she asked, her voice just barely above a whisper.

               Kylo shut his mouth and furrowedhis brows, watching her in contemplation and minor shock. No, he didn’t thinkshe did. She had friends, hope, and a pseudo-family that used to be his. She hadhis father’s ship, and his blessing. She had everything he’d wanted andeverything he’d turned away. How could she possibly know his pain?

               “I’ve hardly slept, I barelyeat. I feel so alone, even in a room full of people. All because you’re notthere,” she explained through tears. “And I wonder every single day if I didthe wrong thing; if I pushed you further into the dark that day by shutting youout. And I have to look into your mother’s eyes with that weight on my shoulders,knowing what I did, and it kills me.”

               A tear cascaded down Kylo’scheek, following the ridge of his scar.

               “I just need to know that youcan forgive me, because I think I needto forgive you or I’ll never feel good again,” she whispered urgently. “I wantto forgive you, Ben. I will. But I need to know that I didn’t ruin youcompletely.”

               Kylo’s shoulders shuddered as hesighed. He looked down, at the small space between them, as if hoping he’d findan answer there. All he saw were the toes of their shoes, nearly touching, and itonly made him want to move closer to her.

               Rey reached out her hand to him,as she had done once before, and she cupped the right side of his face in herpalm, using her thumb to brush away a stray tear. Instinctively, he leaned intoher touch and let his eyes flutter closed for a moment.

               “Please, Ben. Tell me I didn’tdestroy you completely…”

               “Oh, Rey…”

               He bent his head down towardshers until he felt her forehead touch his own. Her breath caught, her pulsespiked, and her fingers slipped their way into his hair. He watched her mouthpart, like she wished him to kiss her, and oh, how badly he wanted to. But hecouldn’t lie to her, and he couldn’t forget the pain that still lingered withinhim.

               He whispered his answer, lettingthe words cut her to the bone. Because some selfish part of him needed to make her hurt the same way she had hurt him.

               “You did.”

               Then he wished her away, forcingher out of his mind despite how hard it was and how bad it hurt to do so, andhe slunk down to his knees, letting the hard floor leave bruises on him.

               And then he let the pain eat himalive.

[pickalilywrites]

Hey I'm sorry to hear that you were sick and have lost your voice. It sucks losing it, doesn't it? I hope you get well soon! Anyway, I know you said you wanted some fluff, but I can't really think of anything fluffy for chapter 105, so could I possibly ask for something along the lines of Gabi and Falco sneaking onto the airship, only to find Zeke casually walking and talking with the SC?

I got my voice back in time for my big presentation! It went fabulously ^^ Thank you for the request! It was very fascinating for me to write in Gabi’s point of view for once :) 

Nothing Alike

Gabi Braun. Canonverse. 

2091 words. 

Shethinks it should feel the same every time. It should be like when she had blownup those enemy tanks on the battlefield. Seeing the bodies blown to pieces, thebodies of people who deserved to die, made her swell with pride when she knowstheir demise came at her hand. Why, then, does she not feel this way now as shestares at the fallen Eldian devil that she had shot down only moments before?The other soldiers rush at her, trying to restrain her, but she fights againstthem, tugging her arms and legs away from them because she’s desperate to seethe dying soldier’s last moments.

“Letgo of me! Let go!” Gabi growls, kicking and shoving the soldiers aside as bestas she can, but they grip her tightly by the wrist, preventing her to get anycloser to their fallen comrade. She tries to see past them as best as she canand is surprised to see them mourning.

Twosoldiers are wrapping bandages around the dying woman in a futile attempt tostop the bleeding. Two other men kneel close to her, their head in their handsbecause they know there is nothing they can do to save her. The other soldiershave a mixture of expressions on their faces – rage, grief, defeat – andsomehow, they’re familiar to her. It reminds her of when she had witnessed Udobeing trampled by a crowd and Zofia crushed by that boulder, their bodiesshattered like porcelain. She remembers the absolute rage and fury she had, theoverwhelming despair she had felt at seeing her friends dead and gone in theblink of an eye.

Exceptthis isn’t the same as Zofia and Udo, Gabi thinks bitterly. Unlike thismonster, Zofia and Udo didn’t deserve to die. These people…they were borndevils and should return to the hell which they came from.

“Gabi!Gabi!” Falco cries, clinging to her.

Shehad thought that his presence would be a burden to her, that he would gethimself killed, but she’s grateful that he had followed her after all. It givesher a chance to tear her eyes away from the dying woman and look at himinstead.

“We’llbe fine,” she whispers to him, pretending she’s braver than she actually is. Intruth, she’s terrified. For all the words about a glorious, blazing end shewould meet, this isn’t what she wanted. She wanted to battle, wanted to winvictory after victory, wanted to go out in a blaze of glory but not like this.And yet it seems that an early death is to be her fate, so she grits her teethand glares at the soldiers who stare back with cold fury in their eyes.

“Let’sjust throw them off the air ship,” a man says, grabbing onto Falco and Gabi’sheads roughly. He’s ready to drag them by the hair and throw them overboard,but he looks to the squad leader – the bearded man who had been mourning hisfellow soldier – for approval first. “That would take care of them.”

Gabiis ready to fight them all. If they were going to throw her off, she would makesure to drag them down with her, have their bones shatter alongside hers asthey hit the ground, but she doesn’t have to.

Thesquad leader faces the wall of the air ship. “If you throw the children totheir deaths…,” the man says quietly, “do you think this cycle of violence andmurder will end?”

There’ssomething in the way he speaks that sends chills up Gabi’s spine. It shakes herso much she doesn’t even struggle as they tie her up. She just kneels on theground, allowing them to bind her wrists together and her arms to her body.

Surprisingly,Falco speaks even though he’s still shaking of fright. “What are you going todo with us?” he asks, his voice trembling.

Anotherman, the man with the close-shaven head who had been one of the first to rushto the woman when she had first been shot, pulls them gently to their feet.Unlike the other soldiers, he doesn’t look angry, only tired and wary. “Ourleaders will decide what to do with you,” he tells them. He doesn’t sayanything more to them after that. Even as he led them up to air ship to meetthe Paradis leaders, he never spoke.

Gabican’t stand the silence that surrounds them. It disgusts her. How can theymourn for their own kind like she had mourned her friends? Her friends wereworthy of grief and sadness. Their loss was unnecessary, unfortunate. How darethese demons grieve for that woman in the same way? She wants to make it stop,this silence, because it makes no sense to her. They don’t deserve to weep, notwhen it is this hell is their own fault.

Asthey approach the door to where the Paradis leaders are, the bearded man – theone who had been against throwing them out of the air ship – gently prods Gabitowards the door. The soft touch confuses her, enrages her, because she doesn’tunderstand why he wouldn’t just shove her roughly towards the door even aftershe had killed his comrade. Why doesn’t he push her, shove her down, spit onher like everyone had in Liberio? Even after everything she had done, why is hetreating them like this?

“Don’ttouch me!” Gabi hisses, jerking herself away from the man. She’s reacting moreviolently than she should, but she doesn’t want to be in the same place asthese people anymore. She doesn’t want to be spared by them, these heartlessmonsters that the world hates. She wants to hate them, wants them to give hermore reasons to despise them, wants to further justify her loathing. “I’ll killyou! I swear it! I’ll make you die the most excruciating, painful death!”

“Gabi!”Falco whispers, alarmed at his friend’s words when they’re in no state to makesuch threats.

Theman doesn’t say anything to her, only raises an eyebrow and turns to the silentman who had been accompanying them. “She reminds you of him, doesn’t she,Connie? That suicidal bastard.” His tone is joking, but his expression is stillsomber.

Theman named Connie says nothing. It doesn’t even seem as if he heard the otherman speak. He simply looks ahead, waiting for the squad leader to open thedoor.

“I’mnothing like any of your people,”Gabi spits. She looks up at the man, expecting her words to infuriate him, buthe only gives her a tired and sympathetic look before opening the door,revealing the people inside.

Connieenters before them, announcing the death of the soldier – her name was Sasha,Gabi discovers – and two of the other Paradis soldiers leave almostimmediately, calling out the woman’s name as if screaming it loud enough willbring her back to life.

Therest remain inside, looking at the two children warily. Behind her, Falco makesa noise as if he’s seen something surprising, but Gabi ignores him. She scansthe room instead to search for the leader. She suspects it might be the soldierwith the eyepatch, the one who comes in after they’ve arrived to ask thebearded man who they are, but everyone is turning to the man sitting at theside of the room. His hair is shaggy, and he’s dressed in civilian clothesunlike the rest of the Paradis soldiers. He even has an Eldian band around hisarm, but she doesn’t recall ever seeing him in Liberio.  

“Areyou…Eren Jaeger?” she asks hesitantly. She had imagined that the oneresponsible for all of this would appear tougher, crueler. She only sees ahollow man in front of her, one that looks through her instead of at her. Hisvacant expression reminds her of the one she saw sometimes on her cousin andshe wonders how they can be so different and yet share the same expression.

Noneof the others answer her. Falco tries to whisper her name, call her back awayfrom the man, but she ignores him and steps forward.

Finally,the man sees her, but he doesn’t seem to have heard her question. He simplyasks, “Who is this?”

“That’sGabi,” a familiar voice replies. “And the boy beside her is Falco.”

It’sonly then that she realizes that Zeke is in the room with them. He had blendedin so seamlessly with the rest of the Paradis soldiers that she hadn’t evenseen him at first. The sight of him shocks her into silence, but Falco is theone to ask the question she so desperately wants to scream.

“Whatare you doing with these people?” Falco asks. He’s quiet, trembling, confused.In a way, Gabi wishes she could be just like him – weak, vulnerable, scared.“Mr. Zeke…we thought you died back there…Was this where you were the entiretime? With Eren Jaeger and the rest of the Paradis soldiers?”

“Yes,”the Commander simply says without hesitation.

Sheexpected him to deny it, say that he had been kidnapped just like they hadbeen, but to say that he’s working with them…that’s something she can’t understand.How can he work with these monsters who have brought nothing but pain and deathwith them? How can he be their ally when all of them – the Eldian warriors, theyoung cadets, Gabi and all her friends – have been trying to prove the worldthat they aren’t the monsters they’re believed to be.

“How…howcould you do this to us?” Gabi says in disbelief. He’s setting her back – all ofthem back – for what? What could have possibly made him side with the enemy?Hasn’t it been taught ever since they were young? The Paradis Eldians were crueland heartless, monsters that shouldn’t even exist. So why…?

“Because,”Zeke replies, “we are not at all that different from one another.”

Shedoesn’t want to hear these words, especially not from him. He should know whatthey’re like. They were so terrible that the whole world looked down on them.She was treated terribly just because she shared the same blood, even thoughshe had done none nothing.

“We’renot like them,” she whispers fiercely, but she’s more hesitant now. She doesn’tsay it with the same conviction she did only moments before.

“Areyou sure about that, Gabi?” Zeke asks her.

Sheopens her mouth to say that she’s sure, that she’s never been so sure ofanything in her life, but she remembers the soldiers mourning their fallen thesame way she had mourned for her friends. She remembers going into battle andlighting the enemy tanks on fire, bringing chaos to her foes in the same wayParadis did when their soldiers dropped down onto Liberio. She remembers thesame vacant expression that Eren Jaeger has right now, the same one she’s seenher cousin wear so many times.

Butit’s what she remembers last that frightens her the most. It’s the face of thewoman she had shot down, but in this particular memory she’s alive and sittingon the top of a building looking down on Gabi. Her gun is pointed at Gabi,ready to shoot. Just when Gabi thinks the woman will pull the trigger, the soldierlowers her weapon and retreats, allowing Gabi to go free.

Therealization hurts her head and she crumples to the floor, tears beginning toleak from her eyes. She wants to say that those are all just mistakes. Thatthey’re all monsters, that she isn’t a part of this, that she and the rest ofher friends never deserved any of this, but she can only sob because she’sbeginning to realize that none of that is true. If that’s all been a lie, then isthere anything in her life that had been true?

Shehears Falco in the distance calling her name. He’s kneeling down next to her,trying to get close even though his arms are still tied behind his back. Itdoesn’t matter that he can’t comfort her anyway. Nothing he can say can makeany of this go away.

Shethought that she wanted to be the one to end all of this. Now she only wantsthis all to end.