#i hope your day has been fantastic! and your week! and your month! etc etc!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Hey!! I just wanted to say, your art is such an inspiration for me! I feel much more motivated and I smile every time I see your work. Artist to artist, I just wanted to spread the positivity of creation to you. I have been nervous to say something outwardly like this. Is it too cheesy? But I believe it is worth it. I hope your day has been going well, and if it hasn't been so much, I hope this may brighten it! Oh, I also love all the comments and thoughts you leave in your tags. It's just as enthralling as your art! You have so much life in the lines you draw and the words you weave. -Dolly

[legacygirlingreen]

That time of year again… // Sebastian Sallow x Reader/MC (NSFW)

Hi friends! I have been battling the flu for a week now so there’s a delay on strumming hearts pt 2 but I managed to scrap this together for those who celebrate Christmas! Also hella unedited so RIP.. anyways, Hope your day has been fantastic!

Screenshots in art by: @sinty2ek - seriously check out their page, it’s great if you aren’t already following 💚

Warning: smut (duh), Sebastian gets dom for a moment but overall is worried about her, loss of virginity, consent is hot, size difference, etc

Word count: 7,700

All characters are aged up and MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

The first December after the events in Feldcroft, he had come down with a bout of dragon pox that landed him in the hospital wing for weeks. The second his finals had come to an end he wound up in a bed, with nurse Blainey rushing around him, and he didn’t realize what exactly was happening until the first of the year when he was released. In a way, he’d been thankful, that not really being conscious or alert through the worst part of the year.

That vile illness saved him from going to an empty home with too many bad memories to sulk and more than likely drink his uncle's firewhiskey. He had “come too” so to speak the morning of his birthday - New Year’s Eve or Hogmanay for the Scots - but in his house it had always been about celebrating himself and Anne. Knowing he’d be unable to grieve the loss of his sister from his life with nurse Blainey in the room he laid in the hospital bed trying by any means to distract himself.

She had come around several times seeing he was much better but still not quite healthy to be released. As his energy grew so had his restlessness. He was so grateful when his friend, the only one he had anymore, had so sweetly continued to try and attempt to see him. He had heard snippets throughout his stay from the nurse about how the girl had frequently attempted to come see him, and she’d caught the girl trying to sneak in a few times, firmly reassuring the hero of Hogwarts that dragon pox was no laughing matter.

It warmed his heart when he was finally awake at how the pile of books slowly started to accumulate, giving him a much needed distraction. She even slipped in a title to the stack he knew she must’ve stolen from the restricted section, and the thought of her puttering around amongst the ghost to get him comfort while sick, made him smile.

And on his birthday in the morning when he awoke he saw a small slice of cake alongside a neatly wrapped gift and a small note containing his name. Blainey had informed him how desperately the girl had begged to stay on the far side of the hospital just to see him and how upset she’d been handing off the gift and pastry before sulking back downstairs.

As sweet as it all was, he was somewhat grateful to the nurse for keeping the girl away. Not only would he never be able to live with himself should he be the reason she contracted the often fatal illness, but he honestly didn’t want to be seen like that.

He’d been quite honest with himself over that first summer holiday on his feelings for the girl. He had come to terms with the awful ways in which he’d treated her and decided her miracle of not turning him in and standing by him should never go wasted. In those hot months in feldcroft he decided that he’d never hurt her again. And perhaps one day he’d tell her how he felt.

Because as the first July without Anne and Solomon raged on as he tended the garden, all he continued to think of was her shimmering eyes dreamily staring up at his own in amazement as he showed her the undercroft. Or how silky her hair had shown in the moonlight that night they raided the goblin mine. How small she felt pressed against him when he’d pulled her to safety from that spider. How brilliant her smile was when they discovered the first of Isadora’s memories. Or how she held him so tightly the night before they left hogwarts in May when she’d found him crying in the undercroft…

But that former Yule where he laid in a hospital bed, covered in sweat, scabs and looking like death itself, he was almost more thankful that the nurse had prevented the girl of his dreams from seeing his current state. Sebastian had always been a bit cocky. And he knew that he had some baseline qualities to which made him attractive, despite the ones he tended to dislike. He often hoped his messy hair would be considered more charming in her eyes. Or she’d notice that he’d started shaving by purposefully leaving it a few days sometimes so she’d have to notice the dark hair adorning his chin. He found the few of his features he could be proud of and he was thankful that she’d not seen him sick when she’d left that sweet gift.

The girl had dropped off a blank, leather bound journal, simply explaining in her note how proud she’d been of him for not messing with dark magic and that she hoped he’d use the journal to vent his feelings, frustrations, discoveries and anything else as he continued to turn over a new leaf. It had been sweet and something he’d never done before but if he was honest in the last year he’d nearly filled the damn thing after he taped in her note to the first page.

That remaining school year and the start of the current left him following around her like a lost crup puppy. Although feeling a bit self conscious earlier on about his newly acquired dragon pox scars adorning his body and the few on his face, he quickly resolved the issue when she come to him with a potion to cure it that she promised she had done the heavy lifting with garreth on. It overall did the charm and returned his face and skin to its original state.

Anywhere she needed to go after that, he was there. She needed someone to hold books? Sebastian had two hands. She needed an escort through the forbidden forest to find a lost niffler? He was carrying the small creature back for her. She wanted company even on a night he was exhausted? He’d brave the lack of sleep and stay up with her.

At some point during the year she had come to him and confessed she hadn’t been sleeping well, professor Weasley and her head of house recommending she relocate to her room of requirement instead of a dorm so she wouldn’t disturb her roommates with the nightmares.

So every once in a while when he too was struggling to fall asleep he’d find a note slipping under his dormitory door and he’d be slipping off to the tapestry in the hall to make sure she was okay.

Deek had found them most mornings still awake by the fire just chatting and decided perhaps Matilda didn’t need to know everything. Not even on the rare mornings he found Mr Sallow’s arms wrapped around his dear friend as they both slept soundly in her conjured bed. As far as Deek was concerned both children desperately needed whatever sleep they got, and the hero of Hogwarts only seemed to sleep in the arms of that Slytherin boy with the brown eyes that never left her.

As they found themselves in their seventh year, Ominis eventually trickled back into their lives. Having seen the changes made by Sebastian, and the reassurance from the girl he truly had given up after the damage he brought, Ominis decided that his found family was still better than his birth family. Despite that, he still had obligations at Yule until he was of age, leaving the pair behind as he boarded the train in Hogsmeade in December.

Sebastian wasn’t looking forward to Christmas this year. Not that he truly had for a while - Yule always brought forth the nasty reminder of those who were missing - a number that was increasing for him by the years. But this was going to be the first he was actually conscious for after his sister left. Given the previous dragon pox year he wasn’t sure what was going to happen this year.

Almost as if sensing his nervousness going into the holidays she approached him during dinner the last day of their examinations as she sat down gently and leaned a hand over to place on his arm, startling him out of his deep thoughts while he stared at his mashed potatoes.

Hey Bash, are you alright?

He looked up with a small jump as he saw her brow furrowed and her gaze laced with concern. Her sweet voice caused that ever present stirring to arise in his stomach as he sighed and turned towards her, making her drop her hand from his bicep in the process.

“I suppose” he said after a moment looking down and seeing where her thigh was almost pressed against his own and where she had laced her hands together in her lap after she let go of him.

After a beat of silence she spoke again.

“You’re feeling sad about the holidays this year aren’t you?” She asked and he almost let out a small yelp at how wonderfully she was able to capture exactly what he’d been thinking without him even having to explain himself.

Looking back at her empathetic expression he nodded. Of course she was understanding. She had always been nothing but caring since the day he’d met her.

Sighing, she averted her gaze and grabbed one of his forgotten peeled orange slices off his plate and popped it into her mouth, slowly allowing the fruits somewhat bitter-sweetness to coat her tongue before she swallowed and looked back at him.

“This is the time of year I feel the most alone” she admitted as she looked back up at him from her seat on the Slytherin bench.

Sebastian recalled the times she had mentioned growing up in a muggle orphanage in London. How abysmally poor and mismanaged it was run. How professor Fig had come, lying that he was a long lost relative to the nuns before “bringing her home” as he explained to the young witch that she had accidentally wound up at a muggle orphanage instead of a magic one when her parents were discovered dead by non magical policemen when she was an infant.

Spending her first Christmas at Hogwarts when Professor Fig was still alive had been wonderful. she’d been allowed to travel to visit him and Ominis and Anne during the last Christmas he’d had at feldcroft with the professor just during the day. Sebastian also remembered fondly how happy she looked celebrating Yule with them before she returned to hogwarts for the rest of the holiday: not before giving him a quick kiss to the cheek and scurrying off behind the late man. It had been Sebastian’s first decent Christmas since his parents died.

Now the pair sat in the great hall carrying the weight of loss and loneliness as they went uncertainty into the holiday season.

“I don’t want to go back to Feldcroft alone this year” he admitted bluntly as he continued to peel the orange, handing her a slice as he ate another. As they silently ate the fruit he kept thinking about how he felt conflicted in returning. A part of him hoped Anne would show up again but he knew deep down it was unlikely.

“What if… what if you didn’t go back to Feldcroft? What if you stayed here… with me?” She asked quietly without looking up at him.

Sebastian had wondered if he should stay at the school given he had no family to return to, but he worried she see him as imposing as hogwarts truly was the only home she had.

“You want me to stay?” He asked, unsure if she meant it but hopeful she did want him there.

“Of course I would. I always want you around. I think it’s silly for us both to be alone during Christmas if we have each other we could be keeping company.” she explained as she finally looked again.

“What about our dorm rooms-“ he asked as she shook her head with a small amount of blushing working its way to her face.

“We can stay in the room of requirement. Professor Weasley was returning home this year so she won’t be checking in and last anyone heard you were going to feldcroft. Only one who would know is Deek and he would never tell a soul. That is, if you are interested…” she explained to him.

He almost stuttered in his reply, taking in that the girl was willingly offering him to stay with her for an extended period of time alone and unsupervised. Sure he occasionally fell asleep there when she invited him but never for multiple nights in a row and with the intention directly.

“You want me to stay with you alone?” He asked and she gently nodded.

“I would. We can conjure a tree and decorate it together in the main room. Take care of the beasts in the vivariums and sneak down the library to get books to read… it could be fun” she reasoned and he nodded.

“Alright. I think I would really like that. Only if you’re sure you are alright with it. I can also sleep on the settee in the main room-“ he offered and she shook her head, opening her mouth to speak before pausing and looking down.

“You can if you prefer that, but I -“ she trailed off as she looked at his wild expression before continuing as she tucked one of those stray hairs so often around her face behind her ear as she admitted, “I do sleep better when you are around… the nightmares don’t usually happen when you are with me…” she told him.

He knew the feeling. In fact he knew it so well that the only peaceful sleep he often found was in her room when they fell asleep after hours of talking together. He never knew how but eventually once he would calm her down and they’d talk, he would wake up the next morning with her nestled against his body as if during the night they had reached over to hold one another.

“I-“ he paused, raking his own hands in his hair as he also admitted, “me too. I think the only real sleep I’ve gotten all year has been in the room of requirement”

“So you’ll stay? With me?” She asked and he nodded.

“I’d love to”

————————

The next morning he’d slipped out of his nearly empty Slytherin dorm room with a small bag over his shoulder of the stuff he usually brought home. Some clothes that weren’t his school uniforms, a few books, a quill and some ink, some snacks, the few toiletries he had and the journal she’d given him the previous year. As he snuck down the empty halls he came across the door to the room or requirement, now revealing itself to him with no problem, before he pushed inside.

Once there he could see the always lit fire in the main room, the vivariums grand entrances, along with all her potting and potions stations. Something about the place always felt so inherently homie and incredibly authentic to her.

“Uh…” he looked around seeing the absence of the witch who had invited him, knowing it was really early in the morning and she possibly could still be asleep, but usually she rose earlier. As he went to check the small bedroom that had appeared a few months prior, the door opened behind him and she shuffled in carrying a small basket.

“Oh, you’re already here. I snuck down to the kitchen for some breakfast and I was going to pop by the dungeons later-“ she started to ramble as he looked at her clothes.

Most of the time she wore her uniform, as most students did, but when she wasn’t in her robes she usually looked a tad mismatched. Often finding random articles of clothing with protection charms while exploring, she wore a tacky blend of them. The girl also usually opted for trousers not skirts or dresses as exploring was easier when you weren’t “worried about the wind blowing up or fabric getting caught” by her own words.

Instead she stood before him in possibly the first time he’d ever seen her without trousers or one of those hideous wool skirts all the students wore. She had a white blouse with an emerald green dress overtop that had only a few white embellishments along the skirt. It wasn’t the most elegant of dresses but it certainly was beautiful, especially since he rarely saw her like this.

He set his bag down and walked towards her, and upon further inspection she also had her hair tied back - not an uncommon sight - but she’d left most of it down, only pulling the front strands out of her way as she tied it back with a bow.

Very different from how he usually saw her.

Upon realizing he had been staring she felt self conscious, asking him “how do I look?” As she awkwardly stroked the material of her skirt down with her free hand.

“You look beautiful” he said without a second thought before he looked at her face, something he’d done so often but as her eyes softened he realized he shouldn’t affirm she looked this way only because of the clothes or change to her hair.

“You are beautiful” he spoke when he found himself planted in front of her, boldly admiring her face and not the wardrobe.

She noticed his correction along with the implications it carried as she fell under the wonderful scrutiny of his gaze. As she did so, she turned to take in his appearance with his lack of the Slytherin robes, swamping them for a simple shirt and vest as he stood in front of her. Usually disguised by school cloaks she could see how wide his shoulders had gotten, along with the exposed skin of his forearms from where he’d rolled his sleeves up. The skin that usually laid covered, now proudly displaying the freckled skin below the light dusting of dark hair, as well as his veins that went into his hand.

“You okay?” She heard his voice ask gently as she looked up from his hands to his face once more.

“Sorry, yeah, I mean thank you-“ she told him as she moved past him and walked down the stairs of the main room into the back area. Sebastian didn’t question as he followed her down into the deeper parts of the room.

Once they emerged in the area he noticed there was a large tree in the middle of the room with some pillow cushions on the floor in front of the fireplace. He realized she must’ve been awake a while to have conjured a tree and made the cozy nest where they likely would read together during the day.

“You’ve been busy” he teased as she walked them over to the fireplace and lifted her skirt ever so slightly so she could settle herself on the ground comfortably.

“I just wanted you to feel as at homey as possible” she explained as he sat down next to her, his long legs stretching out in front of them. Looking between their bodies he noticed her hand sat atop one of the cushions on the floor and he carefully plucked it from the space between them.

As he ran his fingers over the delicate and soft skin of her hand he tried to ignore the way his cheeks flamed at his bold action.

“I really appreciate the effort but you don’t have to play host you know? I am just happy to spend time with you” he explained as he looked at her, giving a reassuring squeeze to her hand to truly affirm his words.

She didn’t respond as she stared at the way he continued to clutch her much smaller hand. He worried she would seem disappointed by his request to remain as laid back as possible so he in turn shifted the conversation.

“You said you grabbed breakfast?” He asked and she pulled her hand back to grab the basket, opening it up with a smile to show the goodies she had brought. As she continued to go through the options he couldn’t shake the way her hand in his own had felt like the most incredibly natural act in the world.

———————

After a day of reading, exploring the room, decorating the tree together, and just talking he was on cloud nine. Everything had felt so comfortable, so natural, as they fell into a rhythm alongside one another.

That was, until it was time for bed.

Once again he insisted if she preferred him to sleep on the sofa he would more than happily oblige, understanding that sleeping in the same bed carried heavy implications. She swiftly reminded him that they had indeed fallen asleep in the very bed in her room of requirement before. But for Sebastian, those moments had never been intentional, and to do so from the jump felt like a much deeper step.

To go to bed willingly alongside one another felt like the kind of thing reserved for married couples, certainly not friends of the opposing genders. And especially not a friend he often dreamed about kissing… as well as other more intense and vulgar things…

Regardless, her sweet smile and bright big eyes told him it was okay in her book, and who was he to question that. So as she slipped off into the small bathroom area to change for bed he stripped himself of his clothes and quickly threw on his own night clothes, tossing his dirty ones in his bag just as she returned.

Sebastian hadn’t recalled ever seeing the nightgown she wore. Usually she had something much thicker and denser but this one seemed… thin.

It was suddenly as if Sebastian’s mouth had lost all its moisture and he couldn’t help but stare as the silk she wore seemed to hug areas he usually wasn’t granted access to see.

Since when had her breasts been this full? Has she always had such an intense dip in her waist?

“Sebastian?” She asked him in mild concern as he stared distantly, his mind very much elsewhere as she came closer to where he stood slack jawed. When she found herself in front of him, he looked at her like a wild animal that had been caught by a hunter.

“I…” he trailed off as he took one more, very obvious, look down at her barely clothed breast. The view from up close confirmed his suspicions that she had forgone any form of camisole as the brief outline of her nipple shown through the silk.

“What’s wrong?” She asked gently, not fully comprehending his reaction.

“I… I think I may need to sleep out there” he said shyly as he pointed to the main area, his voice much more painned than he intended it to sound. At his explanation her heart fell as she couldn’t comprehend his reasoning.

“But why? Did I do something to upset you?”

“What?” He asked her as he looked at her hair which he realized was now completely down, something he’d never been privy to see before. It made him want to reach out and touch the long strands and see if they were just as silky as he imagined.

Quickly snapping his eyes back to her suddenly saddened expression he firmly said “You’ve done nothing wrong”. This further plagued the girl as she couldn’t place why exactly he was acting in this manor.

“I don’t understand. I thought you said you slept better when we were here together… Don’t you want to share the bed?” Her hurt expression cut through him as he realized she was still not understanding that his resistance was not due to anything about her personally… more or less it was about his lack of control in regards to his wandering hands should they lay in the same bed all night.

“Come here,” Sebastian explained as he sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing her palm and pulling her to do the same. She simply sat next to him as he turned to face her, his knee slightly framing her hips and he did his best to try and ignore how close they really were.

I don’t trust myself.

If she hadn’t watched him say it she wouldn’t have believed he muttered the words.

“What do you mean-“ she asked and Sebastian almost grew frustrated with the girl for her lack of awareness at how much of a beauty she was, along with the fact he was so irrevocably in love with her it pained him.

“I mean you are too bloody gorgeous like this that I don’t trust myself to behave like a gentleman” he let out with a frustrated sigh. He knew he shouldn’t get so worked up, especially not to show frustration at her, but the throbbing starting in his lower region was making it hard to fully concentrate on his emotions.

All he heard was her gasp, fearing she’d seen the arousal in his night trousers but when he looked up, all Sebastian saw was the girl cautiously clutching her hair trying to make sense of his words.

Closing his eyes, he ran his hand over his face. Why was he such an idiot? She probably thought him some sort of delinquent. She probably hated him. She-

She had turned her body to face him and placed a hand on his shoulder when he opened his eyes.

“Bash” her timid tone called out and all he could muster upon having her so close was an eyebrow raise to acknowledge he heard her speak.

What if I don’t want you to behave like a gentleman?

Sebastian wasn’t sure he heard her correctly or if he was about to wake up from another one of those wet deans where he stained his sheets dreaming about being buried inside her.

“You don’t know what you’re asking for” he reasoned, knowing how innocent in many regards she seemed. It wouldn’t surprise him if no one had explained the marital act to her at all.

Instead of replying she simply inched closer until she was directly in front of him. Sebastian anticipated her to stop but when she cautiously climbed on his lap his breathing stopped. He kept his hand firmly planted at his sides as she settled herself atop him, her hands resting on his shoulders for support.

“I do know what you’re referring to,” she said bluntly and her boldness made him question just how much he might know of her. Behind those innocent gazes perhaps she’d been a temptress this whole time and he was just to blind by his affections to notice.

He hadn’t realized she had lifted one of his hands until he saw her concentrated expression examining his right hand up close. She studied the calloused skin of his palm before placing his open hand along her waist. Suddenly he felt the warmth of her skin through the silk nightgown along with the beautiful dip of her curves that laid underneath.

“I thought, but you-“ he couldn’t think of an intelligent response as she looked at his face. This led to the both of them staring at one another in silence as he kept his hand firmly planted where she’d left it.

Leaning forward she placed her fingers lightly on his chin, noting the stubble growing from his face as she traced over it. He’d shaved it in the morning but she always enjoyed seeing the small, dark hairs when he stayed with her after nightmares.

“If I ask you to kiss me, are you going to run away Sebastian?” She asked him while continuing to trace her fingertips over his face in the areas his facial hair had started to grow.

Sebastian didn’t reply as his hand finally tightened and curved over her waist. Lifting the other, he placed it on her cheek gently as he let his eyes move to her own.

“Are you sure? If I’m honest I don’t think I can ever let things go back to normal if we do that” he admitted to her with a sigh.

Of course he wanted her. Wanted to be with her. Wanted to kiss her. Wanted to lay with her. But if this was just some Christmas Eve fun that never would go anywhere he couldn’t stomach it.

Instead of replying she simply leaned forward into his hand, smiling to herself as she felt the warmth of his palm against her skin. Sebastian took a shaky inhale at realizing she was signaling he could go ahead while she looked at him through her heavy lidded lashes.

Exhaling gently he leaned forward just enough to ever so softly press his lips to hers.

He could hear the way she inhaled sharply through her nose before he felt the slight pressure of her returning the kiss. It was cautious. Unsure. But still she continued to press on physically and metaphorically.

Sebastian let out a groan as he felt one of her hands tighten in his dark hair, her fingers weaving in and out of the locks along his sensitive nape. In response he pulled her closer to him by the hands firmly planted on her waist and cheek.

Feeling herself more tightly wrapped in his embrace she gained more confidence in the movements, shifting on his lap ever so slightly and letting out a gasp and breaking the kiss when she felt that beautiful ache between her legs at pressing upon his hard thigh.

She had touched herself before, sometimes rutting into a pillow to find relief, but to use the boys thigh in seeking that feeling once more she felt electrified.

Sebastian couldn’t help but feel the full extent of the throbbing in his pants, when he realized she was humping his thigh to get off. The girl he assumed knew little, quickly proving him wrong as her gasps and sighs carved into his neck.

“Hey..” he told her, moving his hand down to her hip to still her movement for a brief moment as she removed her blush covered face from the privacy of his neck.

“I need some guidance on where exactly this is headed” he asked her.

“You’ve always rushed unto everything with no plan before. Why do you need one now?” She retorted one more trying to find the friction she desired on his lap.

Sebastian let out a soft groan as her center moved over his erection and he paused as he considered her words.

“That’s different… I don’t want to be disrespectful or hurt you. I have read that sometimes intercourse can be painful for the woman and I would never want to cause you harm” he explained and she rolled her eyes, catching him off guard with her frustration.

“I’m not made of glass Seb” she told him before aggressively beginning to kiss the side of his neck. Teeth nipping, lips sucking and tongue soothing the skin as she once again resumed rutting her hips.

“But-“

“Oh Merlin, would you just let me do it” she said frustratingly as she pushed his shoulders back until he fell on the bed, as she crawled over top of his shocked form.

Sebastian barely had a chance to get a word in before she was unbuttoning his sleep shirt. He didn’t say anything as he helped her slip it down his arms upon undoing the buttons.

“Do you want me?” She asked him curtly as she looked down at his half naked form with a surprised gaze.

“I - of course “ he told her.

“Then act like it, Sallow.” She told him and suddenly like a fuse had been lit, Sebastian flipped the girl onto her back and started kissing her shoulders and collarbones with vigor. He hadn’t even realized that as he flipped her over he had pulled her nightgown down significantly but he brushed it aside as he kissed her body.

She grew warm at how suddenly the reservations left him body and he responded so well to her noises and gasps. Sebastian seemed to so easily locate all those spots that made her feel weak as he kept kissing her body.

Soon he was reaching for the ties holding up her nightclothes and she leaned up to help him remove it. As her fingers moved to undo the latches he grumpily pushed her hand aside to do it himself.

“Been wanting to unwrap you like a gift for so long now. I want to do it on my own,” he gritted out against the shell of her ear before removing the top of her dress, pulling it up and over her body and tossing it onto the floor.

As she shivered from the draft in the room, Sebastian looked down and realized she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He assumed that even though she lacked a camisole she at the very least would have breeches, but no. She was fully naked as she lay underneath him.

“You sneaky little witch planned this didn’t you” he gritted out as he leaned down to take one of her pert little nipples in his mouth, groaning at the sweet taste of her skin along his tongue.

“I had hoped it could be a possibility…” she said through a whine as he flicked her now erect nipple with his tongue before moving to the other one.

When he successfully gave it the same attention he release it with a pop as he looked back up at her face hungrily.

“So that innocent routine was just an act?” He asked her as he moved back up her body and leaned his weight down on her. She could finally feel his arousal through his pajama pants and she shivered as he used his free hand to trace down her torso.

“Tell me what you hoped for… did you hope I would kiss you…” he trailed off kissing her now severely flushed skin before pulling back to look up at her through his thick lashes as he kept teasing. “Did you hope I would… touch you here?” Sebastian asked as he ran his fingertips ever so gently over the skin of her chest.

His index finger moved down painfully slow until it was right at the base of her opening and he looked into her eyes intently as he breached her walls with his finger, smiling as he asked “did you hope I would enter you here?”

Sebastian only brought his finger back out slowly as she whimpered at the loss of the stretch that she’d felt around his knuckles and upon hearing the noise he shoved it back in again causing her eyes to go wide as she clung to the quilt.

Shoving another finger alongside it, he continued to work her open so she’d be able to take him with ease. Curling his fingers and scissoring them within her, he took his time appreciating every noise she made and every pull her body made on his appendages.

He wasn’t done teasing the girl yet because just when she was nearing an orgasm he pulled his hand away to look at her exasperated expression with a grin as he shoved the soaked digits into his mouth and licked them clean.

“Well?” He asked her and she remembered vaguely he had asked her what she had hoped for.

“I wanted you to… be inside of me…” she admitted somewhat ashamed and he chuckled at her relapse into innocence.

“My fingers?” He eased as he brought them close to her opening once more before changing his mind and grabbing her hand from where it was still clutching the quilt and bringing it over his arousal before asking “or my cock?”

“Your… cock…” she said as if she was out of breath and he smiled down at her, suddenly breaking the trance he’d been in and softly stroking her messy hair away from her face as he laid down next to her.

“You sweet, darling girl” he cooed as he pulled her into his frame. “You may have whatever you desire” he told her before leaning up to passionately but delicately kiss her once more.

She carefully reached for the tie on his sleep pants as she undid the knot and pushed them off his hips. Sebastian reached down to loosen his breeches and pushed them off his body to assist her before maneuvering his way between her open knees, laying over her.

“I’m sorry if I got carried away…” he admitted, realizing that his brash actions may not have been what she wanted.

“Don’t be. I found it to be… quite stirring” she admitted and he laughed at her choice words. Caressing her cheek he leaned down to kiss the skin between her eyebrows before pulling back.

“We do this at your pace. Promise you’ll let me know if it stings” he asked her and she nodded, brushing off the concerns as she reached for his cock, only to have him palm his manhood with a slight groan as he shook his head.

“I mean it. I don’t want to hurt you.” He told her sternly and she looked up at his concern laced brow.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine-“ she said as she finally unwrapped his hand from his manhood, finally getting to feel the full size of him as she looked down in shock.

Sebastian was much larger than she imagined. Not that she’d ever seen one in real life before but, even from anatomical drawings she’d seen and the girlish whispers she realized he was much more endowed than she assumed.

“Oh…” she said as she looked down, losing her nerve as she saw the way his cock looked massive between their bodies and the way it pulsed under her scrutiny.

“We don’t have to do it if you are nervous” he told her as she tore her gaze from his manhood back to his face.

“I want to” she said firmly and he looked at her for any signs she was lying or feeling pressured.

“You’re sure?” He asked her gently, his thumb tracing over the skin of her chin as he held her face carefully.

“Just… go slow…” she told him, parting her legs further and reaching down to assist him.

Sebastian grunted as he felt her lining his head up with her opening and once he could feel they were properly aligned he let go of her chin to reach for her hand, holding it in his own as he encouraged her to look up.

“Look at me, don’t worry about what is going on down there alright? Just look into my eyes…” he offered and she nodded, pulling her gaze directly into his own as he ever so slightly pushed his hips forward.

Everything went okay for a few moments until her breath hitched and he paused, not tearing his eyes from hers as he stopped pressing in. When she looked as if she adjusted, he continued until the entirety of his head was inside of her, pausing once more.

He couldn’t help but sigh as he sunk into her, enjoying the warmth of her body around him as he parted her. Every so often he’d stop and ask if she was okay to keep going and she never told him it hurt but he could definitely see the discomfort at the new and what he imagined, intrusive, feeling.

However for him… it was like coming home, to a place he’d never known was so wonderful. Her body eventually opened up and accepted all of him and he found his mound of dark curls pressed against her own, slightly more manicured patch of hair atop her womanhood.

He could feel the press of her hip bones on his as he laid there, waiting for her to adjust to the fullness of his length within her body. Sebastian almost felt amazed at where it all had gone, as she was so small in comparison to him and he knew his cock well exceeded his classmates from their time sharing dorms and bathrooms.

“Do you think you’re ready for me to move?” He asked her with the softest tone he could muster despite feeling like he was going to burst free at any second.

“You’ll be gentle?” She asked timidly and he almost removed himself entirely at the tone she asked him with.

“I promise. I don’t want you to be in pain. Does it hurt now?” He asked her, not wanting to know the answer but needing to have it regardless.

“It’s moreso just… pressure? Maybe moving will help” she offered as an explanation and he nodded, ever so carefully pulling his hips back before slowly sliding back inside once more at a snail like pace.

Eventually his movements became more comfortable, confident, and controlled - as well as slightly faster.

At first her face scrunched up as she closed her eyes but after a moment she seemed to relax her eyebrows as her mouth fell open. Sebastian watched her reactions intently as she gave herself over to him.

Somehow he moved to an angle causing a pleasured noise to spill from her lips and he felt himself twitch knowing that she was slowly starting to feel good.

“Hey, I like seeing those pretty eyes Love” he said gently as he nudged her nose with his own, causing her to open them once more and blush up at him as he continued to press within her.

“There you are… so incredibly beautiful. You are an angel…” he whispered as he picked up the pace but kept his tone soft.

His words and his moments caused her to feel a stirring in her stomach that was similar to when she rode highwing and she would dive low.

“Sebastian…” She sighed his name as a mantra while she reached up to hold his cheek in her hand, the other curled around into his hair.

“My gorgeous witch… so lovely inside and out…” he continued to praise her as her eyes grew glassy at his sweet words and without thinking a tear rolled out of the corner of her eye, his thumb moving to catch it the second he spotted it.

“Did I hurt you-“ he quickly asked but she stopped him by leaning up to kiss him, her hips rising to meet his shallow moments as he groaned.

Pulling away she continued to hold him close as she whispered

I love you Sebastian Sallow…

Hearing her call his name like that, and saying she loved him, caused him to stutter in his movements and his cock begin to angrily throb looking for that final push of release.

He moved his hips much faster against hers as he leaned down and groaned out, “I - love you too… so much… uhhh fuck… need to… finish… where” he struggled to choke out as he kept his momentum while driving into her.

Realizing she was likely much further behind he had the foresight to lean his hand down and start playing with her nub, causing her back to raise sharply as she whimpered and clawed at his back.

“Need to pull, out-“ he grunted and she shook her head violently beneath him.

“No. Please. Don’t -“ she said through a loud sob, her body beginning to clench around him as she looked up at him fiercely saying “please finish inside…” she begged.

He didn’t need to ask twice after she gave him permission. Pushing harshly on her clit, she came with a scream and with that, her body pulled his cock so tightly that he followed.

As her body milked him for every drop he had he couldn’t help but feel the strong sense of pride running through his mind as he flooded her with his seed. He looked down watching her wide eyed expression as he continued to pump his load deep within her body, only slowing once he ran out of stamina before he collapsed on top of her.

Sebastian was spent as he laid on top of her chest, his face pressed against her sweaty skin and he slowly began trailing butterfly kisses across her neck at the same moment he felt her brushing his hair off his forehead to do the same.

Suddenly he heard the clock chime loudly in the main room, signaling midnight and he removed himself from the crook of her neck as he softened within her, his spill slipping out of her and between their thighs. It felt so overwhelmingly perfect and then he realized something.

“Happy Christmas” he whispered as he tucked her hair behind her ear and she looked up at him slowly realizing that he was indeed correct and they had made love on Christmas Eve through the official start of the day itself.

“Happy Christmas Sebastian…” she said, her voice slightly hoarse from the screech she’d let out and he leaned down to kiss her once more before pulling her body into his, neglecting the mess between them.

“Well, I for one think this Christmas is already off to the best start imaginable” he admitted before pecking her forehead and he smiled when she laughed, the chuckle causing both their bodies to shake.

“Of course you’d say that”

“What? I’ve got the girl I love in my arms. What more can a man want?” He asked her and he looked down just in time to see her face turn up to meet his.

“You love me?” She asked softly and suddenly it was his turn to chuckle.

“I think that what we just did goes to show that but yes, I do love you. Terribly so.” He admitted as he brought her closer into his arms.

“I love you too” she told him as he smiled, his eyes starting to grow heavy.

“I heard you the first time… although if you feel so inclined to repeat it, I can guarantee that’s not the sort of thing one grows tired of hearing” he told her as he drifted off to sleep holding her in his arms thinking about how much more pleasurable this was than going to sleep with dragon pox on Christmas.

THE END

[flowercrowncrip]

My post op appointment went well! The incisions have closed well and are looking healthy. My nipple grafts are attached and have blood flow. Unfortunately the mirror wasn’t at wheelchair height so I didn’t get a proper look but my surgeon showed me on my phone which wasn’t quite as good of a look but I could see enough to know that it looks really good.

After I got my dressings off my surgeon put micropore over my long incision scar (my incisions meet in the centre of my chest to make one long scar) and I got square dressings for my nipple grafts. Because I use a chest harness in my wheelchair I’ll have to keep dressings over my nipples until all the scabs have fallen away which could be a couple of months off. (Usually the dressings only need to stay on for about 24 hours)

My surgeon was really good with all his recommendations. He fully explained his reasons for each and let me know what the consequences might be if I didn’t follow each one: which ones were cosmetic, about avoiding infection, speeding up healing etc. He also told me which recommendations were based on research and which were based on more anecdotal evidence. He gave me the information to make my own decisions in a way that wasn’t rushed, patronising or performative.

We talked for quite a bit about my post op binder. I was really hoping he’d just say I didn’t need to wear it any more but there’s still a bit of fluid under the skin on one side and he felt I needed to wear it 12 hrs a day for another two weeks.

I was concerned because I’ve had some skin breakdown because of it already and was worried about that becoming worse/ infected (because the binder is gross and has to be washed by hand at a low temperature and my skin is delicate).

He was really good at neutrally explaining how the compression vest works and what would happen if I didn’t wear it (potential for further fluid build up and my skin becoming stretched) He also let me know if I chose to wear it that I could wear it over my pyjama t shirt to protect my skin without affecting how well it works.

In the end I’m following his advice but he was probably the best doctor I’ve met at describing the reasons behind a recommendation without putting on unnecessary pressure to blindly follow it.

Overall he’s been a fantastic surgeon who is clearly very skilled in the operating theatre as well as being absolutely amazing at listening and explaining things and making me feel comfortable as well. I’ve had too many bad experiences to ever trust any doctor again, but I completely trust him which I never thought could happen.

For anyone wondering I had surgery on the NHS with the Manchester team and my surgeon was Nick Hobbs. Although you don’t get to chose which member of the team does your surgery, I would recommend the whole team – they have clearly worked very hard to get amazing technique and create the best culture I’ve ever found from a group of doctors. The only downside is the NHS waiting times (I don’t think any of them have a private practice).

[agirlwithdemonblood]

Hi 🥰 may I please request a Jensen x reader where the reader feels all alone and she has bad anxiety is an over thinker and always thinks someone is mad at her, she’s not good enough for anyone, etc. just the voices in her head telling her lies and Jensen is there for her when she’s really down and low and wants to give up?

Btw, You’re a fantastic writer. my mental health hasn’t been the greatest and I’ve felt alone. This would really make me feel better 🥰

You’ll never lose me.

Pairings: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety, depression, self doubt, thoughts/mentions of unaliving, lots of angst and crying, lots of fluff too. Mental health awareness.

Check out my masterlist here!

A/N: Hi sweetie! ❤️ I hope this is what you wanted and asked for, I added some little humour to hopefully put a smile on your face. I know I don’t know you anon, but I hope you know that I love you. No matter who you are or what those voices are telling you, your perfect and I love you. Thank you for the request lovely, I hope it helps. ❤️

Another day, another nightmare.

That's how it has been feeling for the past two weeks. You dreaded waking up. Hated the sight of the sun, hated the cool air flowing through your apartment, hated all the noises and you were exhausted from the voices flooding your mind.

Sometimes you could handle it, you could pick yourself up and brush yourself off but lately it's been getting harder. You've been alone for the past two weeks, nobody coming over and you certainly weren't leaving.

And that was fine, you thought. You'd rather be alone than be a burden to others, bringing them down with the constant sour mood you were in. That's what you thought for the first couple days until the voices got louder, the weight got heavier and you felt like you were suffocating.

It's been two days since you have decided to lay in bed and not get out. You stopped answering your phone, apologizing internally to your boyfriend who would send you a message and not hear back.

You wanted to answer, you really did but the weight on your shoulders was too much, you couldn't put that on him. You needed him, every part of your body was aching and exhausted, and you needed help but were too scared to ask for it.

If you ask for it, you felt like your mind was right. The voices telling you that your a burden, nobody cares, you just want attention, they would be right.

You vowed to stay in bed all day, no matter what. You didn't have energy for anything else anyways. You weren't hungry, weren't sleeping well and honestly you were giving up.

Jensen, your amazing boyfriend, thought you were sick. That's the excuse you told him. You had the flu, and you didn't want him to get sick considering his career and lifestyle, he had to stay away.

And he did, he stayed away. Daily, he sent one or two messages checking in on you and you'd lie, saying you were a little better but not perfect. He was sweet and supportive. Even dropping off soup that you failed to eat.

You didn't deserve him.

Your phone started ringing and you sighed, pulling the blanket over your head tighter. It rang a few times before it finally stopped, you didn't even want to check who it was, but you had a feeling it was Jensen. He worried, he cared. He shouldn't, you thought.

Closing your eyes once again, you let the tears fall. You were suffocating, breaking apart piece by piece and soon, there would be nothing left. You didn't even want to be here anymore which was a scary fucking thought.

You didn't matter, at least that's what you thought. Nobody was miss you. Right?

Jensen’s POV

I frowned when the call was sent to voicemail, worry and anxiety filling my chest. I knew something was wrong. I knew you weren't sick, you barely got sick. In all the months I've been with you, I've only seen you sick once and you were so unaffected by it, you still went to work and hit up the gym. It was impressive, but it just shows that you weren't telling the truth now.

I know about your mental health, we have talked about it. We made a deal. You come to me if anything is wrong, I'll be there, and same goes for me.

But you weren't speaking, you weren't reaching out, you were pushing me away, well-trying. I'd never leave you.

I gave you as much space and time as I could, the first week was nearly impossible, I sat outside your house watching, trying to see if you were okay. Your car was in the driveway, lights were off, it's like nobody lived there and it scared me. The only time I’ve seen you come out was a couple days ago, when I dropped off soup. You barely opened the door, your head sticking out for a moment before you grabbed the food and shut the door. I hope you ate at least but I know how your appetite shuts down when your like this. It scared the shit out of me even more.

You'd text back sometimes, saying that everything was fine, lying about your sickness but I let you, I didn't care about you lying if that's what you needed, I wanted you to come to me if you need help.

But your messages stopped a few days ago. My heart stopped with it.

I knew it was getting worse and I couldn't wait anymore, I could feel it inside, you needed me.

I wasn't going to let you drown in the voices, I needed to save you.

--Back to you--

You started drifting off to sleep, the sound of knocking on your door causing you to jump slightly. You frowned and pulled the pillow over your face, silently begging for whoever was at the door to leave.

The knocking stopped and you sighed in relief. But the noise of somebody unlocking the door caused your heart to stop beating in your chest. There's only one person that could be.

Jensen.

The footsteps got closer, than the sounds of keys being placed on the counter, before a light knock on your bedroom door echoed through the room. You stayed hidden underneath the pillow, biting your lip to stiffle the sob that begged to escape.

Even the thought of him here with you, made your heart clench. You needed him, but the voices were echoing in your mind. You were a burden.

The bed dipped in front of you and than you felt hands on the blanket, gently pulling it down to try and see you. You shook your head and covered your face with your hands.

"Honey, it's me." He whispered gently causing tears to form in your eyes. He sighed and got up, you thought he was leaving, sick of your mood but the bed shifted behind you, long warm arms wrapping tightly around you, pulling towards his warm chest.

He kissed your head, and you could feel the frown on his lips.

See? You are upsetting him. Told ya.

"Y/N, Talk to me."

You shook your head and wiped your eyes, fighting back with everything inside to keep the walls up, don't let it show.

He sat up and turned your body, his eyes finally catching your face. You swore you could hear his heart shattering as soon as he caught the tears in your red eyes, your face was white and your lips were chapped. You avoided his eyes and closed yours tightly. "I-I'm sorry." You whispered nearly inaudibly.

His finger moved to your chin, forcing you to look at him. He smiled sadly and shook his head, "You have nothing to apologize for baby, tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours."

Shaking your head, you tried to turn away but his hand moved to your cheek, keeping you in place. He knew you better, sometimes you needed a little push. "Baby. Please."

You hesitantly looked up, regretting making eye contact because as soon as you saw the concern and love in his green eyes, you couldn't hold it back anymore. You felt so awful, so guilty for doing this to him.

A loud sob escaped causing Jensen to flinch before he let go of your cheek, pulling you into his chest tightly. Your breathing was becoming rapid, your cries shaking your body like a earthquake. You couldn't do it anymore, you didn't want to.

Your breathing wouldn't settle, and you started to panic thinking that you'd never be okay again. Jensen's eyes widened in concern before he sat up, pushing your head lightly back. He noticed the way your cheeks were burning red, your chest heaving. You couldn't breathe.

He pushed himself up on the bed, sitting against the headboard before he dragged you between his legs, back to his chest. He lifted your arms to open your airway, his lips kissing your cheek over and over as an attempt to sooth you but nothing was working.

"Okay whoa honey, whoa, breathe for me. Slow it down."

You shook your head and gasped, "I-I can't."

"Yes you can baby, yes you can. Count to five and breathe out with me, c'mon." He counted out loud, watching in worry as you tried to take a deep breath but failed. His hand brushed the hair from your face and he frowned, "Let's try it one more time okay? You got this."

This time, he placed his hand on your chest, feeling the air seep through slowly, lightly. It was enough for now, and he was proud of you regardless. "That's my girl, your doing great baby."

Your breathing slowed, but your cries didn't. The voices were everywhere, screaming at you. Telling you awful awful things.

You don't deserve him.

He's such a good man and look how he has to spend his day.

Your nothing.

You should give up.

Leave him alone.

He noticed you zoning out and he knew you well enough to know your demons were attacking you, telling you things that weren't true.

He needed to get you back.

He couldn’t help the tears that formed in his own eyes as he watched you come undone. Your eyes darted everywhere, your entire body shaking so hard that he could feel it throughout his own body. You were cold yet hot and even though the breathing slowed down, he knew you were one second away from having another panic attack.

He moved away from behind you, regretting his mistake instantly when your breathing sped up, your hands trying to reach for him. He let a tear fall as he sat in front of you, hands on either side of your face. Trying to reach you.

“Nono sweetie I’m right here, I’m here. I’m not leaving.”

Your hand clutched your chest like it physically hurt and he panicked. This was the worst he’s ever seen it.

His own chest was becoming tight as he watched you, unsure of what to do and how to help. As soon as you noticed the tears in his eyes your cries got worse, shaking your head at yourself for being so selfish.

“J-J-Jensen…” you whispered between cries.

He inches closer and kissed your head, “Yes baby.”

“I’m broken.” You sobbed in defeat and his heart shattered for you.

Because you were the furthest thing from broken. You were everything to him. You were the reason he woke up happy, you were the reason he slowed down drinking, he was never lonely anymore, he was motivated and so god damn in love. You were the reason why he believed in love songs and happy endings.

He shook his head and held you tight. Holding all the pieces of you he could, he feared if he let go he would watch you break completely in his arms and it would be too late.

It took forever, way too long, but your crying finally decreased into light sniffles. Your body was still trembling but he didn’t mind. He would hold you until you were still again.

When he felt like you were calmer, he sighed and kissed your head. “Your not broken baby.”

You moved to sit up in front of him, fear still apparent in his eyes. “I am. You don’t need to lie.”

He shook his head and tried so fucking hard to keep the tears at bay, but he was failing. He felt like he was failing you, he’s supposed to be strong and be there for you and he just couldn’t handle you thinking that you weren’t the most perfect person in the world.

You raised your hand slowly, placing it on his cheek and wiping his eyes. “Im sorry I made you cry. Im so sorry Jensen. I don’t deserve you.”

And that. That made him fall apart. His tears rushed faster and he shook his head, watching how shocked you were at the sudden turning of tables.

“Y/N. You are… fuck. You’re everything. I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am without you.”

You sighed and pushed your head down, sniffing becoming more constant as you tried to hold it together for his sake. “Jensen, look at what I’m doing to you. It’s not the first time either, it is the first time since you’ve cried, but I know internally it kills you. I can’t stop it. I can’t stop the voices. I can’t stop the weight on my shoulders but you don’t need to carry it for me.”

He quickly wiped his eyes and lifted his head to face you. “You know what I need? I need you. All of you. Your happy days and sad days. And even the days where I piss you off so much, you scream your head off at me. Never, not once have I ever looked at you and thought I’d be better without you. Never once have I thought of anybody else but you in the morning, the night, hell-all the time. I don’t matter without you. I’m not happy without you and it just kills me that I can’t silence those fucking voices for you, it kills me that you are such a perfect person stuck in a loop of unfair torture going on inside that head. That’s the only reason why I’m upset, but nothing you did hurt me. You never hurt me.”

Tears made their way down but this time it was silent cries. You wanted to hear that. You needed to hear that. But the voices that dulled down were still telling you that you weren’t good enough.

He leaned closer like he was reading your thoughts and smiled sadly. “What would you do if the voices were a person, and they were saying that stuff about me in front of you?”

You thought and frowned, “I’d tell them to fuck off because your perfect.”

He smiled ventilated this time. “Exactly. That’s what your voices are, a person. A monster invading your space. Don’t let them. Put a face or a name to those assholes. Tell them to fuck off.”

“It’s not that easy.” You whispered.

He leaned closer, hands grabbing your cheeks gently. “It is. Try it. Fuck off Karen.”

He knew that it indeed wasn’t easy, you’d still listen and hear it. You’d still believe half of what their saying but that was an issue for later. For now he just wanted to see you smile. Hear you laugh. It was his goal.

“Fuck off…..Karen?” You smirked lightly and he finally took a breath.

“I don’t know, it was the first name I could come up with plus you see all those Karen videos on the internets, they sound like these damn voices. Annoying and unnecessary.”

You shook your head and giggled, your heart melting when you saw him relax a bit when your laugh came out. He was seriously perfect.

“Okay okay Cmon. Try it again. Fuck off karen!” He shouted loudly causing you to laugh and wipe your eyes.

“Fuck off Karen.” You spoke and he frowned, rolling his eyes at you. “What was that? Is Karen a mouse in your head?” He joked.

Laughter filled the room and you forgot about the situation you were in a few moments ago, Jensen and you took turns yelling Fuck off Karen until you both were out of breath.

You laid your head on his lap and a slight frown came up. “I am really sorry Jensen.”

He leaned lower, kissing your nose gently. “I meant what I said earlier, you don’t ever need to apologize to me. I’m always going to be here for you.”

You smiled sadly and looked up, “I didn’t mean to push you away.”

He shook his head and smiled bigger. “You thought you pushed me away? Girl you couldn’t push me away if you had a damn bulldozer.”

You laughed and stared into his eyes, seeing that he was being genuine. He kissed you gently but passionately enough to show you he was being truthful. There’s nothing you could do to ever push him out of your life.

“I love you Jensen.” You whispered, feeling the weight come off your shoulders, at least slightly.

He smirked back and nodded, “Your cool too.”

You gasped and went to sit up, but he quickly pulled you tightly on his lap and laughed loudly. “I’m just kidding, I love you so much honey. Please remember our deal and come to me next time okay? I won’t wait as long as I did today to come break in and save you.”

You smirked and nodded, “I promise I won’t. As long as you promise to yell fuck off Karen every time my thoughts enter from now on, it was funny.”

He chuckled and shook his head, “You got a deal.”

After all the heartache you went through, all the loss of hope, you knew finally that you’d be okay. Jensen loved you more than anything, and he would never let the voices win.

[battlemaiden13]

Hiiii BattleMaiden13! I had a thought so now I gotta ask! Or at least share this thought! Possible spice if you wanna do a spice vers, or you can do spice vs non spice vers

What would all of HND!MC Love interests think if MC design a whole outfit, hairstyle, dyed hair, accessories, jewelry etc, for them?

Like has they're favourite things on the outfit, fav type of clothing on MC, they're magic colour as the main palette etc! Like say for sans has magic colour dyed, star and constellations in hair clips and on outfit, thigh highs, big jacket like his, but more star or science or puns designs, little ketchup zipper keychain, hair in space buns, moon and sun earrings. Pretty much all they're favourite things and maybe fav clothing wise turn ones (socks/knee highs for those Skellies ;)), blue with sailor faintly in the design or clothing 180, edge with lingerie faintly showing but defiantly eye catching)

Maybe if possible for all love interests incase your unsure or a new fan is unsure, neighbour Skellies(sans, papyrus, blue, orange, red, edge, Berry, syrup), hotel skellies(axe, crooks, ink, error, dream, nightmare, day(daydream), killer), mafia Skellies(roulette, sniper, carbine, rifle, colt, musket), and Mint + Mango(technically also hotel Skellies in a way-) if you do mango the friendship bracelet is very easily seen, like cute sleeves rolled up above elbows or short sleeves)??? And if willing to do spoilers, the new (6?) Skeletons?

Hehehehe, if ya can't tell, Hiiiii it's meeeee

~💚𝒯𝒽ℯℴ💚

Also,

Thank you for being my main inspiration for writing again, I’ve been struggling with writers block and gave up on many projects because just didn’t have motivation or inspiration or just fell outta love for my own projects, and for giving me inspiration to start Cosplay and outfit designing and just fashion again, and thank you so very VERY much for getting my artistic side going in every way and far more then before that I never had ideas on how to start or get into it, you are really amazing, and l'm so happy I found you! And I absolutely love all your writing, art, etc! Thank you so very much! Honestly and truly, I adore you and your works, I hope you get amazing weekend, week, month, year, everything! You truly deserve it and words can not express how absolutely fantastic you are!

Remember to get some rest, take breaks, eat, drink water! To you and anyone! Have an amazing weekend My Fair Maiden!

OMG THEO!! Same page gang!

I actually have plans for this later on. Like Mc will coordinate her outfits on dates with the skeletons so she matches and now I want like Magic Hair dye that can change colors super easily with a mist spray or something. AHHH.

The Sans outfit you have described here is super cute! with the space buns and big jacket with the detail! AHHHH I want all of it.

Since I will be like doing this in later chapters I don't want to give too much away but MC has even started this. When she went on her double date with Blue and Orange (and Myra I guess) She picked out Blue's colors and a modern outfit that she thought he would like and would match.

I have a plan later for Red which is going to drive him wild. One of his thick jackets, Short ass black skirt with a red belt that has gold chains hanging off it, a red bralette, no shirt, Thigh high socks, Red and black sneakers with gold accents and a choker/collar. My favourite part about this outfit that is so totally up Red's alley is she won't be wearing it for him, even though she borrows a jacket XD I am very excited. It's one of the chapters I've had planned for a while.

I have some plans for the others too like MC classic Skulls outfit for Colt, a goddess cut dress for Nightmare and Dream, A dark purple lolita dress to mess with Berry, Orange's hoodie with underwear and nothing else for Orange. There is so much we could do both spicy and not. I am now very excited about these possible outfits.

Also

Thank you. You are so sweet and I'm so happy to hear my work can help inspire others. I want to see everything you make/do!! Thank you so much for being so nice to me! I will look after myself and you need to as well!! Have a great, day, week, year, life!! Thank you!!

[sanstropfremir]

Hey D, how are you? ✨🎥 here! It seems that I come here every 6 months 😅

Mini update of my life: went to a Little Big concert in Poland and had a great time, got a bonus raise for every film fund I got (it’s pretty impossible to get them all due to the insane competition but at least we get one or two every year), still haven’t found a nice apartment (renters are insane and ask for stupidly high prices for tiny places with kitchens from 30 years ago 💀💀💀), did a super intensive course on production and that sucked the life put of me in November (it was Thursdays to Sundays so I had 3 weeks of no free days!), and my team changed a bit, we let go of one of the additions because he couldn’t perform well on the basic tasks and hired full time a girl that worked with us before as an intern (she’s good so far)

As for the projects that I’m working on, SLOW finally released in Spain this weekend and is gonna release this year in a lot of countries (US, UK and Ireland, Indonesia, Poland…). We also have two films scheduled to start shooting by March, another on April-May and possibly a fourth one in summer. So yeah, a pretty hectic year this 2024.

How are you? Anything interesting in your life? In kpop? In theater?

hello my friend!!!!!!! has it really been six months wtf time is FLYING....... don't worry about it tho i've been busy you've been busy, adulthood is meeting your friends every few months anyways

WOW that sounds crazy....but also exciting!! would love to hear about how the course on production went! very excited to hear that slow is gonna be released soon, usually stuff gets released in canada at the same time as the us so i'll keep an eye out.

idk if that much interesting has happened....we had a crazy busy christmas at the shop; i ended up singlehandedly doing an order of eighteen 2.5' custom evergreen + eucalyptus wreaths.........in a week..................do not recommend. i'm not doing any theatre but i did FINALLY see hadestown a few months ago! fantastic spectacular groundbreaking etc etc. oh and i recently got a commission to paint a mural! had the prelim meeting this morning, i haven't painted something big since my first year of grad school when i was doing life sized cave paintings so i'm excited! my therapist has been slowly coaxing me back into doing art and i'm being very slow about it, but at least it's progress!

tbh i have not kept up with that much kpop..........i'm in the process of finishing my end of year posts still but this year was so meh that the motivation is not there (plus working full time again).........there were some really really good cbs but most of everything was so mediocre. i am hoping praying pleading that companies start getting their act together for 2024 and there's been some promising stuff already, but. it's only january 😔

[accountlong]

General grabber atx vs ko2

GENERAL GRABBER ATX VS KO2 UPDATE

I have not been at my computer over the last week as I travelled to my family's for Christmas.Ĭlick to expand.Have indeed! Had the Scorpion AT + on the Jeep for about one month now.ĭriven about 700 miles or so on them.

GENERAL GRABBER ATX VS KO2 UPDATE

My Michelin Lat Crosses have been great but they are 35/65 off-on road where the Scorpions are 60-40% off-on road so a lot more aggressive, hoping this transpires to better traction in any mud and snow I encounter! Do update us on your off-road excursions, and a happy new year! It's cool you got the 225/65/r17 tyre - to confirm I have now placed an order with a local tyre garage for the Pirelli Scorpion AT + in this size too, though it seems we have a shortage in the UK and the guy could only get me three.which is bad luck! So I'm waiting for an import/stock increase to get the last tyre, as obviously I want a complete set of four. I see you're in Australia, so assume (though I may be wrong) that you've limited experience trying them out in the snow/ice? If you have though, please let us know how they performed! Glad to hear the Pirelli AT + tyres have been good. I have not been at my computer over the last week as I travelled to my family's for Christmas. Apparently they're also notably quiet, handle well on road and they're great in snow and not bad in mud either.Ĭlick to expand.Thanks for your reply cyberpunk409. They're AT (roughly 60% off-road 40% on), available in my desired size, three-peak snowflake rated, have a cool aggressive tread pattern, and the reviews are phenomenal. But amazingly, these tyres tick every single box for me. These are a new, and uncommon AT tyre, from a brand that typically makes high-performance road tyres. So with my disappointment that the Duratracs are off-limits, I randomly came across the Pirelli Scorpion AT+. They're also pretty popular (see boring.) Grabber AT3s have been recommended to me, but scanning reviews online, they appear to be less economical and worse on road than other ATs. BFG KO2s generally seem to have great reviews, but they are so common I feel they're kinda boring now. I also see the mud variant of them, grabber AT3s and the odd set of other off-road tyres. On Land Rovers, Jeeps, Toyotas, pickups etc. Now everywhere I go in the UK, I see BFG AT KO2s. Unfortunately however, these are basically impossible to get in a suitable size here in the UK - so they are now off the table. The Duratracs were recommended to me by Sandstone on here I recall, and they were my first choice as a solid AT tyre with a great reputation in the mud and snow. If I'm gonna head somewhere snowy in the Jeep, I either need winter tyres, or some better ATs, which the latter I'd prefer anyway. But I'd just like to lose myself in Scotland or down in some remote forested European national park. Southern England is crap for snow these days, last winter we saw nothing, though 17-18 we had 2 or 3 big snowfalls (1 ft). I feel I've reached a point where I just need to get away, drive off somewhere and explore. I have only driven them a handful of times in snow, but they were pretty good too, with minimal slide, but nonetheless they are over half-life and I fancy a change. Sure, they slide a bit, but they are not mud tyres. Not much less economical than my previous michelin road tyres, quiet, handle well, and I have taken them off-road in thick mud many times, and never really got stuck. Make no mistake - these have been great tyres. It may be a waste of money, but if I can sell the four michelins for £100 or so, great. I could possibly get another 30K off them, but I am starting to think about trying a new set. After 45k, I still have about 4.5 mm left in these AT tyres (they're probably 60% on-road, 40% off) so the tread life has been fantastic. I got these put on at 67k and my Jeep's now on 112k. So on topic: For those of you who don't know me on here, I have a 4x4 2.2L pat running Michelin Latitude Cross tyres. All I can say is, 2020 has been a horrendous year and I sure as hell hope 2021 is better!Īnyway, I hope you are all keeping well, and as I know most of you are across the pond in the grand old USA, ready to celebrate and enjoy a lockdown-free Christmas. I may have discussed our old friend "covid" once, (god I hate that damn word) but boy times have changed.Lockdown madness, a US election fraught with controversy and now in the UK, our "fantastic" prime minister has decided to quite literally lockdown London and the South-East from today.in effect, cancelling Christmas. Evening all! It has been a long time since I've posted on this forum.

[real-jane]

everything, everything

[steve rogers x female reader]

summary: steve and his partner are undercover on assignment, hiding out as husband and wife. the line between reality and fiction is too thin, and steve can't take much more.

warnings: steve is v dumb, pining/longing/etc, smut, canon level violence, smut, and also some smut is in it.

a/n: thank you to @sanguineterrain for the original prompt: "How about a Steve x reader who have to go undercover as a married couple and oh NO, they're pining for each other and don't know it! Whatever shall they do?! 😳😏"

enjoy!

--

He’s too stunned to move when the doorbell rings, so she slips between Steve and the counter with pink-stung lips and hastens to answer it. All the air in the room rushes out with her.

She’s not supposed to kiss me when nobody is around to see her do it.

Three weeks. It’s only been three agonizing weeks. When did the fiction bleed into reality? When did his hands start aching to reach for her? 

‘You get along so well already,’ Bucky had said, ‘it will be nice to be undercover with someone who doesn’t get on your nerves.’ Except… Steve has never had less clarity in his entire life, especially not now, after she kissed the daylights out of him.

The smoke detector is his only saving grace. The pancakes he got up early to make for breakfast are charred beyond recognition, and he throws open the window to let out the smoke… and whatever hot air is keeping his brain from actually processing.

“Everything okay, baby?” she calls from the front room. Steve clenches his jaw.

“Wouldn’t you know it–I burned breakfast,” he replies, in as chipper a tone as he can manage.

“That’s why my husband doesn’t go anywhere near the kitchen. I’m surprised you let him try, Betsy.” Ugh. Sharon. Her husband is on a permanent business trip to live with his other family, a fact that SHIELD had uncovered in the process of vetting the neighborhood. Wayne Carter is also a very good cook. Sharon Carter puts on a haughty face for a woman who hasn’t seen her husband in nine months. Betsy… the alias his partner wears like the Southern Belle she most certainly isn't… she hates Sharon, but she’s a good actress.

“Oh, Steve’s a wonderful cook! But I was distracting him.” 

His ‘wife’s’ little giggle is enough to make Steve snap the spatula in half. He stares at the bisected plastic in shock.

“Bex, what do you say I take you out for breakfast?” Steve rubs his jaw and gives up on the pan, which is entirely unsalvageable. “Mimosas and crepes, yeah?”

“Steven Rogers, you’re gonna spoil me rotten.”

“Impossible.” 

Steve can’t stop the panic rising in his chest. It isn’t supposed to be like this. She’s a fantastic agent, and that’s all. God–he wants to kiss her until she can’t pretend anymore. He needs to have the upper hand, to retain just one ounce of professionalism as Captain fucking America. People know who he is. He’s on assignment. They aren’t married for real. 

And yet.

Realization washes over him and he leans against the counter in despair. 

Every evening, when she bids him ‘goodnight’, he hopes that she skips past the first bedroom and finds her way to his. Cooking for her? His favorite part of every day. He’s googled so many recipes that the app suggests fancy breakfast food. He wears that one blue shirt as often as he can because she smiled the first time he did.

Coming ‘home’ is his only source of comfort, because she is always standing on the porch… waiting. Sometimes a neighbor is talking with her; she’s so kind that it has been easy ingratiating themselves into the neighborhood. Nine times out of ten, she’s got a glass of lemonade in hand, slick with condensation, waiting for him. It’s the weekends that are most torturous, when he has no reason to be out of her presence. Like this particular Saturday morning.

It’s very easy to forget why they’re there. They’re so close to uncovering the ring–she fills him in on the dirt she’s dug up while playing cards, or gardening, or just gossiping with the ladies each day. The women on this street tell her things that he’s struggled to weasel out of hardened criminals. Steve is fairly certain he’s going to burst into flames before they succeed in this assignment. He’s ashamed of himself. She doesn’t deserve some sicko fixating on her, especially not her partner. He’s a public figure, for Christ’s sake! He’s better than this.

Her hand presses against the small of his back. Steve starts and wheels on her. She bites back a smile at the sight of him, and raises a hand to his cheek. 

“You look like you’ve been sweeping the chimney,” she laughs.

He steps away, out of her grasp. “I’ll just get cleaned up, if you wanna go.”

“Oh. You really wanna go out for breakfast?” The surprise in her voice stabs him square in the chest.

“Why not?” he shrugs. “I destroyed the good pan anyway.”

“Are you okay?”

No. Absolutely not, under no circumstances. “What did Sharon want?” He still hasn’t looked her in the eye.

“She went through Zemo’s garbage,” she says, as if she’s impressed by Sharon’s gall. “She found like twenty packs of cold medicine.”

His head snaps up. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. She’s got the bags in her garage, she texted me a picture, too. Look.” She holds up her cell phone and sure enough, a black trash bag filled with boxes of off-brand medicine fills the screen. “This is what we’ve been waiting for, Steve.”

“Oh my god…” he can’t help but laugh in astonishment. “This is reason enough for a warrant.”

“I already sent Fury the photo. Can you believe it?”

He wants so badly to pull her into his arms and hold on for dear life. Because if they’ve truly uncovered the lynch pin of the whole organization, then their days playing house are numbered. Worse than loving her is the thought of no longer getting to pretend, and hang all his hopes on precious public displays of affection. You two look so in love, one of the neighbors had said during their welcome block party. Steve had his arm wrapped around her shoulders then, because being the facsimile of a married couple was still too new to know how to comfortably interact in a way that seemed real. She lets herself be kissed by him with a sweet smile on her face, now. Her fingers always entwine with his, especially when they’re over at someone else’s house. 

For one brief second, Steve considers how easy it would be to steal the bags from Sharon’s garage and destroy the evidence… but what would his partner think of him if she found out what he had done? Maybe that was the best way to push away these embarrassing feelings–push her away. Make them strangers, again.

“Steve–hey!” She snaps in front of his face. “What’s wrong with you?”

He shakes his head, but the heat which floods his cheeks is mortifying. “I slept weird. Not fully awake yet.”

She frowns. “Why don’t you go lay down? I’ll order breakfast in, and we can wait for Fury’s directive.”

“I don’t need to lay down,” he says quickly. “I’m fine.”

“You keep zoning out–”

“I said I’m fine, so I’m fine.”

“...why are you being like this?” She crosses her arms, leaning against the counter. “You’re pissy.”

“Can you just leave it alone?” he sighs.

“We’re in deep cover and you want me to ignore it? I’m gonna nag you until you communicate, Rogers–”

“You’re not entitled to every little thought in my head, alright?” Steve throws his hands up in the air. “This is a sham marriage, remember? Stop pushing me and accept that I don’t want to talk, I’m fine.”

She opens her mouth to press the matter, but thinks better of it. She looks away and nods, but she breathes in raggedly. “Well fuck me, I guess. Fuck my feelings. Crepes?” 

Steve’s heart plummets through the tile floor as she turns away to leave the kitchen. He lunges before he can stop himself and grasps her wrist, staying her exit. Words clog his throat. She waits with one eyebrow raised, but when he can’t make the apology come, she rips her hand from his. Steve is left with the horrible feeling that he has ruined everything good between them… the real rapport they’ve built sharing an assignment, and the fake one which allows her to touch him freely where anyone can see.

And kiss him where they can’t.

He waits for her on the front porch in blue, having scrubbed the pancake ash from his face. She emerges from the house in a sundress. The light pink one which always robs him of sanity. For a moment her face is stony, but then her expression lightens to exuberance and she waves–beyond Steve, to the passing neighbor on the sidewalk.

“Hi Joe!”

“Hiya, Rogerses! Where ya off to on this fine morning?” The old man braces himself on their little gate.

Five soft fingers curl around Steve’s elbow and he remembers that he’s supposed to be helplessly in love with this woman. Well… no acting required, he thinks with a wince. He covers her hand with his.

“Somebody destroyed breakfast,” Steve says, pointing his thumb at himself, “so he’s gonna treat his wife to some French cuisine.”

“Good on you, boy. Betsy deserves the best.”

“That she does,” Steve says, a hair too earnestly.

“Talking about me like I’m not even here!” She giggles. “Joe, do you still need Steve’s help moving that dresser?”

Steve tightens his hand over hers. They’ve talked time and again about how Joe is capable of stealing one’s entire day, and how frustrating it is when he’s trying to keep tabs on Joe’s neighbor to have a two-hour conversation about hydrangeas–

“If he’s offering!” Joe smiles expectantly at Steve, who bobs his head.

“I could do that for ya. How’s this afternoon?”

“You know where to find me!” Joe salutes and totters back down the street towards his small bungalow. 

Once they are seated inside Steve’s car, shielded by darkly tinted windows, he dares to study her. She ignores him, typing away on her phone. “What was that?” he asks lowly.

“You’ve been trying to find a reason to case his house,” she says, not looking up. “I got you an in.”

He clears his throat. “Right. Good idea.”

“You’re not the only influential Rogers in the neighborhood.”

Steve sighs. “‘M sorry–”

“It’s forgotten.” Her phone rings in her hand and she answers immediately. “Hello? No, unsubstantiated for now but Steve is going into Joe O’Leary’s later today while I pop over to Sharon’s. No, he’s just the only house we haven’t found a reason to go inside. It was Steve’s idea, actually.”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose. It absolutely was not, and if he’s honest with himself, he can’t quite figure out which part of this assignment he’s actually contributed to. She has all of the good ideas, she thinks of things he never would’ve dreamt of. 

“--Yeah. Zemo is hunting this weekend, apparently. We won’t. Nick–that was one time!” she huffs. “I have the scar. We won’t go to his house until you’ve got the warrant. Why does every man around me insist on being so damn stubborn? No–god, I forget you have us triangulated at all times. We’re headed out for breakfast. I burned the pancakes, so…” She glances at Steve and shakes her head. “No, I copy. We’ll stay put. I’ll tell him.”

She hangs up and her head falls back against the seat. “He wants us to stay in place, and wait until he gives the okay to check out Joe and Sharon’s.”

“We already told both of them we’re going out… won’t that look suspicious?”

“I dunno… drive to the gas station. I’ll buy you some shitty coffee. At least our car will have left the driveway.”

“I’m buyin’,” Steve says, starting the car. “Last time I checked, you’re not the one who charred the pancakes.”

“It was still my fault.”

“You can buy me a moon pie, for my trouble.”

“I’ll buy you a whole box.” He can’t help the way his mouth turns up at one side, and when he looks at her, she’s smiling sadly. “I don’t like it when we’re at odds.”

Steve shakes his head. “No.”

“Partners?” She holds out her hand, but before he takes it…

“Why’d you do it?” His voice is soft, pleading. She shrugs.

“I wanted to. Don’t you ever do things, just because you want to?”

“Um. No, I don’t have that luxury.”

“I forgot who I’m talking to.” Her chin dips bashfully. “Just forget it happened, okay? We kiss in front of other people all the time, it’s a habit.”

“...which you wanted to do.”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I haven’t overanalyzed it. Like you are doing right now.” She wiggles her fingers and Steve laces his in. “Partners. Do you wanna tell me what was going on with you?”

“Well… I suppose I was thinking about all this being done. It’s, uh. Hard to tell sometimes what’s part of the cover, and–”

“What’s real,” she finishes. “Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle. We don’t have to answer that today.”

“I like holding your hand,” he admits. “I–shit, sweetheart, I-I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Yeah. But I don’t have enough caffeine in me for that conversation,” he says, squeezing her hand.

“You can do it back, if you want. You keep looking at my lips. It’s okay if you want to, Steve.”

“I don’t want to ruin it,” he murmurs.

“Only way to do that is to shut me out.”

He studies her neatly manicured nails. “I want to. So bad.”

“But?”

“I don’t know. Can’t think straight as it is. What’s it gonna do to me–”

“Hush.” She holds their clasped hands to her lips. “It’s okay.”

“No–it isn’t.” He squeezes. “It’s unprofessional.”

“If you think I haven’t spent the last three weeks relishing the fact that I get to spend every evening watching trash tv with you, staring at your ass, and listening to you laugh… fuck professional, Steve. I didn’t mean for it to happen, okay? You caught me off guard with your sweetness. I knew I was in trouble the first time you kissed me.”

“But this is gonna end…”

“It doesn’t have to. I–” She stops to cup his cheek and brush her thumb over his jaw in reassurance. “I don’t wanna go a single day without kissing you. I don’t care if it started because we’re pretending.”

“It’s never been pretend for me,” he breathes. 

She moves first, because she knows that he can’t do it without real permission, where there’s no question why it’s happening. He moans against her mouth; it’s always felt like his lips were meant for hers, but with nobody watching… It's a gift. She is precious to him. He cradles her face to say as much, without putting voice to it. Kissing her this way strips him of all ceremony. He’s just a city boy with a crush on a beautiful girl, who kisses like a dream. It’s freeing. If anyone saw them making out in the driveway, what would it give away? Nothing which doesn’t show on his face every time he looks at her. Because Steve can’t pretend like she isn’t the center of his world. Not when he has permission to kiss her in private.

His tenuous control snaps.

She keens as his lips traverse her jaw to nip at the tender skin below her ear. “Been holding out on me, Rogers.” He sucks a mark, blooming a ruddy bruise on her throat. Then, he lavs that spot, pulling more heavenly sounds from her lips. “Fuck.”

“I think about that, too,” he whispers against her skin. “But I’m trying to be a gentleman.”

“We wouldn’t be the first partners to do it.”

“Remember when we caught Bucky and Nat after Bulgaria?” Steve eases the strap of her dress off the curve of her shoulder.

“God,” she sighs, tugging on his hair so he’ll find her mouth again. She catches his bottom lip. “You wouldn’t look at me.”

He blinks at her through heavy eyelids. “I was thinking about you.”

“You wanna fuck me in a bunk on the quinjet?” she scoffs. Her fingers card through his hair.

“Anywhere. Have forever. Buck knows. ‘S why he suggested you for this.”

She smiles against his mouth. “Remind me to send him a thank you card.”

“Can I touch you?”

“In the driveway?” she gasps, even as she guides his hand towards the hem of her dress.

“Windows are too dark to see in.”

“You’re kinker than I thought–fuck.”

He traces the pads of his fingers over her soft skin. Steve bites his lip, watching her eyes flutter as his hand gets closer to touching her where he wants to, most. “Think I’m vanilla, agent?”

“That is your favorite ice cream flavor.”

Steve stops for a second and squeezes her thigh in affection. He presses a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. She chases her lips after his, and pauses just a breath from his face. They smile at each other, drunk on uncorked arousal. 

“Vanilla,” he whispers, tracing the hem of her panties, “is a complex flavor. Goes with everything. Chocolate. Cherries…” Steve dips his fingers beneath the silky fabric. She cants her hips to give him better access. He finds the little bud at her apex, worrying the bundle of nerves enough to make her moan.

“Exhibitionism,” she pants.

“In small quantities,” he chuckles. “Gimme your lips, sweets.”

She does so like a woman starved, but her head falls back as he sinks one finger into her heat. “Steven.”

“‘M here.”

“So good.” She rolls her hips to meet his hand. He thumbs her clit with every stroke. “Had a dream–mmph. You fingered me at a barbeque.”

“I’d do it. Under the table?”

“Mm. No. In the pool.”

“Our pool, sweetheart?” Steve works a second finger with the first easily. She’s drenched, she’s gorgeous. 

She nods. “Yeah. But I couldn’t make a face because everybody was around.”

“What, then?” Steve feels her squeezing him tight. She’s close. He’s never wanted anything more in his life than to make her come. He doesn’t care how much work it takes to clean the seat afterwards. He’ll do it with a smile, as long as she comes.

“You made me orgasm in front of the whole neighborhood. Then you got in the hot tub and you made me sit on your dick.”

“Were you keeping me hard?” He tugs the cups of her dress down with his free hand and bears her breasts. “Christ. You’re so beautiful.”

“Nobody knew, and the bubbles covered us,” she sighs. “Right there, right–oh fuck. What about you?”

Steve groans as her hand finds his straining dick over the top of his jeans. “I’m gonna bust my zipper the second you come.”

“Wanna feel you. Please.”

He nods his consent, but not before flickering his tongue against her nipple. She stays his hand by turning her nails into the skin at his wrist, and forces him to lean his seat back so she can unbutton his pants, but she doesn’t get very far–

The back window of the vehicle shatters. Steve throws himself over her, peering above her headrest. She groans.

“I was so close,” she wheezes. 

“Stay down, sweetheart.” Steve kisses her cheek and then throws the car into reverse, turning the wheel like a madman to dodge their attacker… Sharon. Standing on her front porch with a rifle. She raises the gun to take another shot, now that she has her sights on him. 

“Roll down your window, baby!” 

Steve doesn’t hesitate. His partner yanks the top of her dress up, lays half-way across his lap, and fires her own weapon (pulled from god-knows-where), catching their attacker in the shoulder. Sharon drops her rifle, but the gun discharges, destroying one of Steve’s tires with an explosive POP! The car drops heavily towards the front wheel well. Sharon staggers to retrieve her gun. After one more precise shot, she falls. Steve takes the gun from his partner when it is offered. She retrieves his pistol from the glove compartment, and they each get out of the car warily.

“Do you wanna trade?” Steve calls.

“You think I can’t shoot with your gun?” Her voice is sweet and teasing.

“I said no such thing. Is she dead?” They flank the unconscious woman… sure enough, she’s down for good, with one bullet right between the eyes. Steve exchanges a look of shock with his partner.

“Yes. Must’ve been desperate to risk taking us out like this. I’d say we found the rat,” she says. 

“I guess so.”

“She has the shittiest timing.” She grins at him, which makes Steve’s ears turn red. She retrieves her phone from the car and makes a call. 

Steve keeps his weapon at the ready. Several of the neighbors peer out their front windows in concern, but none are stupid enough to come out and investigate the ruckus. He attempts to stand between the body and the street, at least to obscure the pooling blood below Sharon’s head. 

It doesn't take ten minutes for a dozen black SUV’s to come squealing down the sleepy street. By the time they take over the block, Steve and his partner are leaning against his car, glancing at each other with small smiles. They’ve collected themselves somewhat; he made sure there was no visible sign that she’d been just moments from an orgasm when they were shot at (other than the hickey, which he hopes nobody notices), and they attempt to look concerned that their attacker wasn’t someone they expected. But it’s especially hard for Steve to be stoic, because he knows how it feels to touch her. He settles for looking smug. He is, but who’s to say why?

Bucky accompanies the agents who emerge from the trucks, as does Fury. “Cap. Agent.”

“Director,” she acknowledges. “Sergeant.” Bucky wrinkles his nose at her.

“Walk me through what happened.” She steps forward with Fury and walks him towards the body, while Bucky hangs back with Steve. Barnes leans over and whispers.

“Your fly’s undone.”

Steve sighs. “Shit. Why are you staring at my crotch, huh?” He fixes the aforementioned zipper as discreetly as possible.

“Old habits die hard.” Bucky folds his arms and leans against the car.

“What would Natasha say to that?”

“...you think she doesn’t stare at your crotch, punk?”

“You two are nightmares.” Steve can’t help but chuckle, despite himself. “Carter annoyed the hell outta me, but I didn’t think she was involved.”

“You trying to change the subject?”

“Not succeeding, apparently.” 

Just then, his partner looks up at him, gesturing towards him and then down the street, which is swarming with agents in black suits. 

“Cool it with the puppy dog eyes,” Bucky murmurs.

Steve glares at him. “Shut up. That’s just how my face looks.”

“Not when you look at me,” Bucky says, elbowing him in the side. “Did you tell her?”

Steve’s eyes dart away, and he can’t help but smile. He twists his mouth to keep from breaking out into a full smile.

“Thank God,” Bucky says.

“Rogers!” Fury waves him over. Steve strides towards the director with his hands in his pockets. “I think your partner is a little shell shocked. Why don’t you take her to the house? I’ll catch up with you in a bit. I think it’s going to take a few hours for us to do a preliminary search of Carter’s.”

Steve glances at his partner, who has her hands clasped at her waist, twisting her fingers. She indeed looks quite shocked, eyes wide and unblinking as she stares up at him. “Yes sir.”

“I’m glad you two didn’t do anything hasty and stayed put. This could’ve gone a whole lot worse.” 

Steve nods. He manages the world’s most convincing performance of concern, wrapping his arm around his partner’s shoulders. She leans into his side, letting him guide her across the street to the house with ‘Rogers’ painted on the mailbox. He doesn’t dare look at Bucky, nor does he want to risk saying anything until they’re safely concealed from the rest of the world. But the moment they’re inside, he presses her back against the front door. She smiles softly.

“Did that get your blood going?” she asks. “Getting shot at with your fingers inside me.”

He huffs. “Your mouth, I swear.”

“What’re you gonna do about it?”

“Do you want this?” He asks, working his knee between hers until she has to stand on her tip-toes. She nods breathlessly. “Out loud, or I stop.”

“I’ve heard you come,” she laughs. “In the shower. When you think you’re being quiet. I talk myself out of joining you every time, but I wanna see your face when you have an orgasm. I think you’ll be the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Steve shivers. “Pretty, huh?” He lowers his mouth slowly to hers, but stops as she gasps. His hands find the globes of her ass, inching under the panties he’s going to destroy. He watches her eyes dilate with arousal. She smirks.

“You’re a pretty man, Rogers. ‘S why I married you.”

Steve gapes at her for just a minute. He shakes his head in disbelief, shrugging off the euphoria which rises in him at the thought of this woman truly being everything. Her fingers creep to his jaw.

“What?”

He sighs. “That’s all I want. To have this. All the time.”

“A wife, baby?”

“And babies, sweetheart.”

“You told Joe you wanted three… you were being serious.”

“I was.” His eyes flick back and forth to study her irises. They’re glassy. 

“You’d want that with… me?”

“How long have you known me?” He asks, kissing her forehead. 

Her hands wrap behind his head, stroking his nape. “That’s a big step. We’re not even together–���

“I’ve been telling anyone in a ten mile radius that you’re my wife for three straight weeks, and nothing has ever felt more right.” Steve levels his eyes with hers. “I want as much as you’re willing to give me.”

Her eyes crinkle as she smiles. “God. You take a girl’s breath away. I… I don’t know if I want kids, Steve–”

“But you want me.”

“Yes,” she sighs. 

“Then I don’t care. You can think about it.”

“What if the answer is ‘no’? Could you be content with only me?”

“Only–sweetheart. You are everything.” Steve kisses her eyelids as they shut in relief. “We could always have dogs.”

She laughs in surprise, and it’s his favorite sound in the whole world. “Why don’t we start from the beginning, and see where we end up?”

“Where’s that?” He noses her cheek. 

“Give each other orgasms for the first time. I mean, if I’m gonna think about having babies, don’t you think I should know how your dick feels?”

“You make a very good point,” he says with mock seriousness, tapping his chin. “In the spirit of investigation.”

“To make a truly informed decision.”

“Right… if we do this, we’re gonna have to tell Fury.”

She looks at him guiltily. “He… knows. I sorta forgot that the car is bugged.”

Steve freezes with wide eyes. “Shit.”

“...Yeah.”

“Well…”

“We have no reason to hide it, now.” She finds the hem of the shirt she likes so much and tickles her nails across his abdomen. “Besides, I gotta admit that I kinda found it, I dunno… hot? That people heard us.”

Steve locks the front door over her shoulder and walks backwards, tugging her towards the stairs. He spins her so her heels catch on the step, forcing her to sit down abruptly. Steve follows, latching his lips over hers hungrily. He probably should feel embarrassed, but how can he when this beautiful woman wants him? No man in his right mind would be ashamed of her. 

He rends the gusset of her panties. For such a talkative person, she sure has nothing to say when his fingers find her clit again. Just incoherent moans. Steve has three fingers inside her by the time she comes, walls fluttering around his thrusting hand. Her head falls back in ecstasy as she soaks his fingers. He wastes no time working his pants down enough to free his dick; her hands urge his shirt off so she can run the tips of her nails down his chest, flicking against his nipples and making him buck. She’s bringing kinks out in him he didn’t even know he had. 

She wraps one hand around him, making his head fall forward against her collar. He nips at her tendon in retaliation. She guides him until his dick is tucked between her folds, and rolls her hips to take him in. Steve obliges. He sinks into her fully, and groans.

“Fucking hell,” she breathes. 

“You’re tight, sweets.” He teases the seam of her lips with his tongue, inviting her to lose herself completely. She’s still sensitive from her first orgasm, shivering when he brushes her clit, so Steve stays still. Buried deep in the woman of his dreams.

“Was it like this, in your dream?” he asks, stroking her cheek softly. She smiles blissfully.

“No. This is better than anything my brain made up. You gotta move.”

“What if I didn’t? And I made you sit with my dick inside you all day long.” Steve shimmies her dress up her torso until she arches her back enough to let him pull it over her head. But he fists the fabric at her wrists, capturing her hands so she can’t touch him. She whines.

“Jesus. Who knew you were so controlling?” Her inner muscles contract and he huffs.

“If I thought I could control you for one second, you’d know it by now,” he says, rolling his hips. “But you’re the one who’s got me wrapped around your finger.”

“Yeah?” she gasps. “You’ve got me tied up.”

“You don’t need your hands to have me right where you want me, sweetheart, and you know it.”

She kisses him hard. “Fuck me. So I have bruises from these stairs.”

“Yes ma’am.”

He snaps his hips forward to do just that, and he’s in heaven. He’s got little experience compared to some of the agents he hears bragging about their trysts in the gym, but by god, he’s never fucked a woman like this. Especially not someone he loves. His knees burn from the carpet, and his boots attempt to slide off his bracing step–hell, his pants aren’t even to his knees, but he fucks her like a desperate man, because that’s what he is. He wants her to come again, more than anything. Hard. Who cares if he doesn’t, as long as she finds pleasure?

Her hands slip free of their restraints easily, and she grasps his back for dear life. He’ll feel the marks from her nails in the shower, he’s sure of it. Steve doesn’t realize his eyes are closed until she gasps. His eyes snap open–she’s arching up, chasing her release. He reaches between their bodies to find her clit and rolls it as he thrusts. It’s enough to send her over the edge. She cries out, and it’s all he can do not to come at the sight of her. But he thrusts through her orgasm until she’s whining with sensitivity. She grips his ass.

“Baby–please. It hurts.” 

Steve braces himself on his elbows and freezes, kissing her in apology. “Mmm. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. You okay?” She nods, kissing him back slowly. 

“You need to come.”

“I’m okay.”

“No!” She protests. “I want you to. I have to see it. Please–pull out, I’ll help you.” 

The moment he rises up, she’s reaching for him… he can’t think with the way her fingers wrap around him, tugging him ever closer towards his own orgasm. He’s kneeling beside her on the stairs, watching her in rapt awe. She worships him, but she’s too gentle. He tightens her fingers with his to show her that she doesn’t need to be so careful with him. She’s a fast learner. She pumps him with as much care as he showed her, her eyes fixed to his face to catch every little expression of pleasure. When he’s close, he falls down onto his elbow, right at her side. She smiles, and he can’t help but smile back because god, he loves her. She’s everything. He’s never felt so good. He’s soaring. She coaxes him through his orgasm, painting her belly with his come. He turns his teeth into her shoulder to keep from bellowing, which makes her wince and laugh all at once. Then, he lets himself fall fully onto the stairs beside her, so they’re both staring up at the ceiling in awe. 

He laughs. 

“Yeah… you’re pretty, alright,” she breathes.

“I should’ve gotten you to bed.” He looks over at her. A faint sheen of sweat makes her glow like a goddess, and she shakes her head.

“I think this was as far as we were gonna make it.” She raises her hand to stroke his cheek but she’s shaking a little. Steve takes her hand and kisses it.

“What’s the verdict?” he whispers.

She giggles. “More research required.”

“Do you think the house is bugged?”

“...Not anymore.”

He can’t help but laugh at the innocent smile on her face. “Shit, sweets. You made me hungry. I could really go for those moon pies right about now.”

She beckons him to meet her in a kiss. “After that, baby? I’ll give you the whole moon.”

--

thanks for reading!

my masterlist - my marvel masterlist

[dailyadventureprompts]

I just found your profile the day I write this, and I must say you are an absolute blessing to Dungeon Masters everywhere and I eagerly look forward to using your work! From what I can tell, you take requests, so I was hoping to make one of my own.

I'm trying to write my first campaign, and having trouble fleshing out a faction. The overarching theme is that madness once threatened the world and was defeated, but is starting to spread through the world and different aspects of madness (apathy, wrath, despair, etc) have taken hosts, causing issues once more. One faction in the realm had blamed the gods for the madness and become wholly mortally dependant. Another has claimed the madness had been defeated before only because of the gods, turning wholly to them and becoming a strange collection of ALL religions, but actively discriminating those of evil faiths, or from races deemed to come from evil deities.

I need help thinking of an adventure to help flesh out this religious faction, hinging on the theme of a spreading madness. (The Aspects of Madness I'm working with are: Creativity, Despair, Joy, Hate, Apathy, and Lust, each having taken a host and slowly spreading roots of insanity.)

Keep up the fantastic work!

Adventure: A Nightmare of Coiling Boughs 

“We are all Helpless before our Dreams” 

Adventure Hooks: 

A rash of disappearances puts the party on the trail of what at first appears to be a cartel of kidnappers, taking targets as the opportunity arises and too sloppy or disorganized to fit a particular profile. As they investigate however, a pattern emerges: Some victims indeed being taken by force but never in the same way or by the same people, while other victims simply walk off after days or weeks of fitful sleep. While the authorities might not care enough to investigate, it’s evident that most of these abductions and disappearances occur around the bounds of the city’s oldest and poorest district

Strangers all, the party awakens from a shared nightmare in a makeshift prison constructed from old cellars beneath a derelict factory. Sealed into casket like boxes and ready for shipment, the shoddy construction and obvious haste with which this kidnapping was undertaken allows the party to break free and begin finding their way out of the labyrinth of darkened corridors. Who took them, and for what sinister purpose? Where are the dozens of others that clearly passed through this place on a way to some unknown location? Even once they escape, will they ever be free of the claustrophobic dreams of whispers and tangling wood? 

Grown rich on the misery and neglect of others, Juna Linford is one of the city’s preeminent slumlords, employing a gang of brutal thugs to squeeze rents out of her tenants and using their suffering to fund her aspirations of being a socialite. Recently however Juna has been increasingly erratic:  having her thugs throw people OUT of their homes, abstaining from social engagements, and if some of her fair-weather friends are to be believed, sleeping in a coffin. Has this bloodsucker turned into an actual vampire, or just gone batty? Ms. Linford certainly thinks it’s the former, though it may have something to do with the fact that she’s not had a restful night of sleep in months. 

Setup: Like any enterprising mind-thief, the Quori Satathhu wandered the edges of the waking world, looking for bright and skillful souls to steal back to the realm of dreams to act as servants. Having taken over the body of one of its victims, Satathhu traveled from village to village disguised as a peddler, leaving behind a trail of comatose bodies in its wake. When the villagers caught on, they sought out a priest of the old religion to deal with the nightmare spirit. Knowing that slaying the vessel would only release the Quori to find a new mind to cease upon, the priest had an iron casket contracted and etched upon it runes of planar binding. After using themselves as bait and trapping the mind-thief, the Priest had the box buried in the village square, and a sacred tree planted at the spot that none would disturb its rest. 

Time passes, the village grew into a town and then a city, and the meaning of the old tree was forgotten, withering away to a blackened hulk that the locals steered clear of by way of inherited superstition. Over time the tree’s roots stretched down into the deep earth and began to constrict the coffin, letting the captive Quori spirit break free. Maddened by over a century trapped in a rotting body and ceasing upon its first chance at escape, Satathhu leaped into the first vessel it could find: the lurking tree above. Once again trapped and in a form it was never supposed to inhabit, the mind-thief’s nightmarish influence has begun to spread from the old tree, infecting the dreams of locals with the same psychic torment it suffered for so long. 

These visions have created a sort of stochastic cult in the city’s lower ward, dozens of people inflicted with terrible, fearful nightmares but with no guidance, along with whatever wreckage of Satathhu’s own consciousness passes through their own. Recurring imagery of coffins,  is common, along with dreams of blackened trees and crushing roots, of the choking weight of earth, along with rarer impulses to “collect” people, and a hazy recollection of a meeting with someone of great spiritual authority.  Slowly these victims have begun to gather and collaborate, attempting to form a coherent mythology to their suffering and divine a means by which it might end. 

Further Adventures: 

If your party needs extra motivation, have some of their allies or loved ones disappear into the cult’s clutches, working with them to decide just who exactly vanished and how this will affect their arc. This is an especially good secondary motivation for a party that STARTS as captives, having some of them nabbed while venturing from out of the district looking for answers, and others being locals with clues to the disappeared’s trail.  

Egoistic and delirious from sleep deprivation, Juna Linford has convinced herself that she really has become one of the undead, and that the visions inflicted upon those within her ward are in fact the beginnings of her ability to dominate the wills of others. The Slumlord has projected herself as the “center” of the emerging Cult of Twisting Boughs, clearing some of her properties for the use of her “minions” and taking the blackened tree as her new sigil. While she’s still getting the hang of drinking blood, Juna is beginning to conduct improvised rituals to “awaken” more of her powers, which in turn put her more and more in tune with the captured Quori spirit. Should she succeed, Satathhu will leave the tree and find itself in a new, wealthy vessel, muddled up with the slumlord’s social ambitions just as she was with it. 

A second gathering of nightmare stricken victims has coalesced, this one residing in the minds of a local gang who’s leaders have suddenly become obsessed with digging beneath the city to where something valuable is buried. To facilitate this arduous task, they drug the unwary and transport them to a hidden and well guarded digsite. With no obvious way out beyond down, these helpless hostages are forced to tunnel through earth and sewers, slowly succumbing to visions as they grow closer and closer to the Quori’s buried prison. 

For the asker:   Hey friend, happy to help with your first campaign but your original concept seems like a LOT to take on for your first outing. My advice is to start small and work up to big themes like theocratic societies defined by madness. Maybe take this adventure and spin it out into a wider urban/far ranging adventure as your party seeks a cure for the dreams, eventually circling back around to trying to find a way to bind Satathhu once again. Then once everything’s settled involving the mind-thief, give it a bit of time and then introduce them to some OTHER quori plot.  

Art 1

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[ladyeliot]

PS I LOVE YOU

This One-shot is for @mostly-marvel-musings’s “600 follower challenge.” Thank you for doing this! 

Pairing: Tony Stark x Fem!Reader

Summary: After Tony's death he decides to create a "plan" to say goodbye to you.

Warnings: Fluff and Extremely Sad.

Word count: 2593

A/N: I cried a little bit writing it. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

This is perhaps the saddest, as well as the most romantic, story you will ever read. Yours. The fantastic, like the quotidian, was in your day to day life. You made the most important decision of your life, to give your heart to the one you loved, even though you knew there would come a day when he would break it. Tony Stark was not an ordinary man, in any sense, but he was the man you wanted to share your life with, the man who drove you crazy in every way, but also the man who made you smile every morning when you woke up next to him.

Like other married couples you had your ups and downs, his work at Stark Industries took up a lot of his time, but what really bothered you was his second job as Iron Man. Every time he put on that suit, your heart would crack, and it wasn't until he returned to your side that it would be forged again. Fear took over as the years went by, but all you could do was support him 100%, because it was his choice.

After the snap, you realised the opportunity that had presented in front of you, an opportunity among millions that the vast majority did not have, you were together, to move on and to have a new beginning. But still a wide guilt rolled around you, “why us?” The years passed and though you chose to drastically change your life, to move away from the big city and find a nest of love and peace, you knew that Tony's mind was still working, searching for an answer and a solution, realising it when the group of avengers came to ask for his help.

A considerable period of time has passed since all these events, but you know that it was this that triggered you to find yourself standing in front of the lake with one of Tony's closest friends right now.

"Before he left for his mission," Happy began, "he asked me to give this to you if anything happened to him.

You wiped away a tear that slid down your left cheek before you looked at him. Tony had made his choice and you supported him all the way, but you never believed that the pain could consume you like that. You focused your gaze on a small device Happy held in his hands, it was tiny, metal and had a small button. 

"What is it?" you asked, taking it between your fingers.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea Y/N."

You took a deep breath and pressed the button lightly. Instantly a hologram of Tony appeared before the two of you. You almost lost your balance in surprise, you didn't expect to find him in front of your eyes, sitting in a chair, in his Tom Ford suit.

"Hi honey!" said little hologram Tony waving his hand. "I hope you're not watching this, but in case you are, that means Happy has delivered it to you and I'm not with you right now."

You put a hand to your face trying to hide the pain you were feeling as you listened to him speak again. Little Tony was also silent for a moment.

"Anyway," he got up from the armchair he was sitting in. "I have a plan! I couldn't leave for the mission without saying goodbye to you, well in fact I just did and quite well, right now you're in the bedroom trying to pull yourself together— " Tony flashed a half smile and shook his head.

You couldn't help but smile at those words.

"Well, on to what we're going.Honey, I hope this doesn't get into your hands, but if it does, I have a thousand things to tell you and it's impossible for me to do it right now. I was hoping to have enough time to tell you for the rest of our lives, but it's not going to be possible," he sat back down and clasped his hands together. "Listen, ever since the guys came to pay me that visit and we realised we could turn things around, I couldn't get the idea out of my head that something might go wrong with the mission, and you know how I am when I get an idea in my head."  Tony laughed and it brought a smile to your face.  Tony laughed and it brought a smile to your face. "I've been planning this ever since, I've thought about all the things I'd want to tell you that I haven't told you and all those special dates I'd love to spend with you that I won't be able to. So I have a plan! And I need you, honey, to help me," the little hologram got up from the couch again and put his hands in his pocket and approached the camera. "First of all I need you to wipe the tears off your face and show that beautiful smile to the world, and Happy too, but except for the smile thing," you both let out a small laugh between tears. "Secondly, I hope you're wearing that black dress I like so much, the one with the back slit, you know," you rolled your eyes and nodded, you were wearing it."And thirdly, I wish I didn't have to ask you this, but I need you to go to the lab, in the safe you'll find a letter, it's the first of several that will be coming to you."  Tony lowered his gaze. "I can't tell you when you'll get more, but I promise they'll arrive when you least expect them.By the way, the password you already know what it is, on our wedding day— " 

In the background, your voice could be heard, urging Tony to return to the room.  

"I'm coming honey!" after he responds he turned his attention back to the camera. "Sorry, my beautiful wife claims me," you smiled and sighed approaching the camera, meeting Tony's face in its fullness. "Honey, you know you're my only weakness. I love you."

Just as he had appeared the hologram disappeared and a void formed again in your heart. You took a deep breath trying to undo the lump in your throat and taking in every word he had said. You looked at Happy who looked as puzzled as you were.

"Did you know about this?" you asked with mixed feelings.

"I promise I didn't," Happy held up his hands in innocence. 

You quickly walked away from the lake and headed towards your cabin, people had left a couple of hours ago, but Happy had chosen to stay with you. You opened the door quickly, followed by your friend and you both walked down to Tony's lab. His things were just as he had left them a couple of weeks ago, as no one had gone in there. You made your way to the safe, hidden behind one of the works of art, and entered the password.

Just as Tony had said, there it was, a white envelope with your name on it, next to a set of clothes, waiting for you to take it in your hands and open it.  Before you did so, you looked at Happy who seemed to be anxious to discover the contents as well. You didn't know what Tony's "Plan" was, nor if it would be beneficial or painful for you, but that mattered little at that moment, because all you needed was to see him, to hear him, or in this case to read what he had written.

You opened the envelope and read it:

"Hello honey, 

I guess if you are reading this envelope you will have seen the holography and I guess it is the "day", so I have a surprise prepared for you, read carefully. What I need you to do is to get everyone out of the house, Happy can stay, take off that dress, Happy won't be there when you do that, and put on the clothes I've left with the letter. 

When you're ready, just tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. to brief you on the use of your armour. I know, I know you've never been in favour of it, but you need it. F.R.I.D.A.Y will explain everything you need to know, you just let go, trust me. Go out and free yourself, eat the world.

PS I LOVE YOU"

That was one of the first letters Tony had planned for you. As time went on, they came to you once a month, as well as on special days, such as your birthday, his birthday, your anniversary, etc. He had planned every minute of those days. Tony knew you so well that he knew what you might be thinking, or how you were feeling. On the one hand, he covered the loneliness you felt without him, but on the other hand he made you feel even emptier and reminded you that he would never be with you again and you could never spend those moments together.

At first it was rewarding, but as time went on you realised that it was impossible to evolve, you had entered a loop from which it was impossible to get out. You spent your days waiting for a letter that might not arrive, and wondering when his "plan" would come to an end and if you were ready for it. Happy was supportive in that sense and tried to keep you grounded, as you both knew Tony best.

One evening you were doing what Tony had instructed you to do in the last letter you had received, the one for your fifth wedding anniversary. Along with it Tony had sent you a black dress along with a pair of high heels, informing you that you were not to leave the house before 8.00 p.m. and to head for the lakeshore when you were ready.

Happy was sitting on the couch trying to hide his concern about the situation that had dragged on for two years. After finishing your touch-ups you said goodbye to him and complied with Tony's details. You had no idea what you were going to find, but as you left, you could see a small square table in the distance, decorated with candles, waiting for you. As you arrived you noticed that a faint song began to play through a small speaker hidden behind some flowers, your song.

"I guess thanks for that, F.R.I.D.A.Y," you said looking at the diamond bracelet Tony had given you when you got engaged that was connected to his AI.

"It was me," you turned around to find Happy's voice behind you.

You frowned and looked at him, realising that he was holding a pair of white envelopes in his hands. A state of nervousness and confusion took over your body, and without being able to say a word you pointed to his hands.

"These are the last of them," he whispered, stepping in front of you and handing them to you.

You smiled, finding tears gathering in your eyes, and nodded, taking them in your hands.

"I'm sorry Y/N," Happy said with a shake of his face. "He made me promise not to tell you anything, and I couldn't refuse to help him either. Even if I wasn't totally on board with this crazy plan. You know how he is."

"I know," you bit your lower lip smiling and wiping the tears from your eyes.

"They're the last ones," he repeated again. "After today, you'll have to move on without them."

After those words Happy went back the way he had come, and instead of taking a seat at the table you approached the edge of the lake. You had before you the last words Tony had written to you. One of the letters read "To the love of my life", while the other read "To that person". Puzzled, you opened the one that said "To the love of my life" first.

"Hello again honey.

How is everything going, is Happy still keeping his nerves under control in this situation? I hope he is and that he has delivered this letter to you.By the way I don't know how the situation has developed, but don't be angry with him, I made him promise not to tell you anything until it's all over, and as you can see that's the point.

The thing is, I'm not going to be able to write any more, today is the last day before I leave for the mission, and if you've finally been getting all the letters, this has to be the last one. I just made you the recording that Happy will give you if things don't go as planned, and you are begging me to come back to our bedroom with you. 

I guess everything I needed to tell you I haven't been able to do, you know there are a lot of things I'm good at, but in expressing my feelings in words I've never really excelled.

I'd love to know what you're thinking right now, or how you feel about the "plan" I've created. Although I also don't know if you've been able to make it this far, or if you've decided not to go through with it anymore. Happy has orders that the moment you say "enough" it's all over, I don't want you to suffer. 

I just want you to be happy, I want you to be as happy as I have been by your side, I want you to show your beautiful smile to the world, I want you to get everything you want.

My honey, I'm going to dedicate these last words to tell you how you changed my life, how you offered me everything I was missing, without even knowing it. You agreed to marry me, you made us a family. And that's what I want for you.

Even though you may feel sad and insecure right now, I need you to show that you are the strongest woman I know and move forward. May you live that wonderful life you wished you had, may you do crazy things, may you meet people and fall in love. May you feel love again, may you rediscover it with someone who makes you happy and may you start a family again. 

Please don't be afraid, I am well and I will be well. Don't think of me, think of yourself, and if you think of me, know that I will be watching you and taking care of you every day. I want you to know that I couldn't leave our house without thinking that you will never feel that way about anyone again, in case I don't come back.

Having said that, honey, it only remains for me to leave you a new letter, a letter for that person who restores your faith in love, who I know you will find one day. I just want you to give it to him or her when you are sure.

So sweetheart,

PS I LOVE YOU"

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[sariahsue]

I just saw your take one Lilo&Stitch's approach to child protection and I was wondering if you could give some advice on how to write realistic stuff in this matter? I've been meaning to write a foster care/adoption fic and I do know the system in France must be at least a little different - and I will get down the research hole once I have a bit more time - but do you have any advice on how to write the kids reactions, the way parents deal with everything, the bonding part... things like this, so I can avoid clichés.

You don't have to answer though, feel free to ignore all this akdjwja I just figured there's no harm in asking XD

Yeah, sure! (To anyone else reading this who has a fic, feel free to send me a message if you have questions!) I’m definitely not the most knowledgeable person, but I know quite a bit. And I’m sure things are a bit different in France (hopefully their court system is better - yikes!) but I think the human element would be pretty similar, so here we go. 

First off, know that everyone is foster care is having a rough time constantly. Foster kids, workers, parents, foster parents, foster siblings. And no one knows what’s going on long term. There’s always a lot of uncertainty. Will the kids go home soon? Are parental rights going to be terminated at the next court date? Who knows???

The birth parents, at best, are going through a really tough time in their life, made worse because their kids were taken away from them. Some care about their kids, but they’re extremely self-centered and have zero parents skills. Some are manipulative and see foster care as free babysitting, and as long as they get to see their kid for an hour or so a week, this arrangement is fantastic for them! At worst, they’re just horrible human beings who abuse children. In general, most parents are clueless and selfish and pretty manipulative. They say they’re good parents and have no clue why their kids were taken away, even though their kid has cigarette burn marks on their back, or had to eat out of the garbage to survive because the were left alone for hours at a time when they were four, or worse. They have no clue at all what their behavior does to their kids, and they refuse to listen to anyone who tries to explain it to them.

No matter what type of parents they were, their kids ALWAYS love them and want to go home. Every single one of them. No matter the age. No matter what their home life put them through. Some of them aren’t old enough to understand why they can’t go home. Some have been in foster care for years and hardly remember living at home but still want to go home.  

It makes for complicated foster relationships sometimes because the kid will be attached to both birth and foster parents and feel guilty or conflicted or disloyal, or they’ll try really hard not to be attached to the foster parents in the first place. (I can think of only one exception to this. Two sisters who had been put into another home and liked the foster family and decided that they were going to be adopted by this family and were very excited about it... except the foster family had no plans to adopt them. I never learned what happened there.) 

And this is before accounting for the mental health struggles that often accompany the trauma most of them have been through. Some kids come in with anxiety that makes it difficult to trust new people. Some kids’ behavior is so extreme that it’s difficult for foster parents to take care of them, and so the kid moves around constantly. (If their behavior is too bad, they can sometimes be put into either a group home or residential, either temporarily or permanently.)

Parents are also entitled to visits, usually either weekly or every other week, at least while the goal is reunification (which is always starts out as). Before the pandemic, these usually took place in the DCF (Department of Children and Families is what it’s called in my state) office or in a visitation center. Sometimes the court orders that the visits be supervised so they don’t start promising their kids that they’re coming to get them next week. Often the workers think that sitting down the hallway not listening counts as supervision. 🙄 

With the pandemic, kids have been meeting over Zoom. That’s being phased out pretty soon here. Kids are almost always triggered by these visits. I mean, they look forward to them usually. Some kids are mad at their parents and don’t want to talk to them, but almost always, they want to see their parents. And almost always whatever behavior problems they had before is extremely worse for the next 2-5 days. (Which is terrible if you get a visit every week.) Some parents bail on these visits regularly. Some consistently bail on only birthdays and Christmas. We’ve learned not to tell the kid that they have a visit coming up until we know it’s definitely happening, or sometimes only right before we’re planning on leaving to go, because the anticipation of a visit is triggering or because getting stood up by your own mother is traumatizing. Sometimes you can get the kid’s therapist to write a note asking for the visits to be less frequent for the kid’s sake, but often that just means every other week instead of every week.

For foster families welcoming kids into their home, it’s a little different. They’re often more stable, and their whole life isn’t shifting around them. They’re just getting one or two kids into the family. The home dynamic is going to be a little different. Nothing huge, compared to what the foster kids are going through. It often depends on the kid how fast you get attached. Sometimes you know kids are only going to be there for a month because their normal foster family had to deal with an emergency, but the plan is to take them back soon. Sometimes they’re adorable babies and you get super attached really, really fast. Sometimes they’re so unhappy and scared that they make your home life completely miserable. Sometimes you’ve seen so many kids come and go over the years, and they’ve all left eventually, and your heart becomes guarded to protect you from that pain. But you get attached eventually anyway. 

And sometimes your parents are given a newborn whose goal is reunification and it’s love at first sight even though you don’t know if you can keep him, and then he’s put up for adoption when he’s two and you adopt him SO HARD. And then you make future foster kids upset because you can’t adopt them too. :( And even though they get adopted by friends of yours, they still feel conflicted over it four years later. 

You would think that a kid raised completely in their adoptive home from birth would have no problems, and sometimes that’s the case. Sometimes they still get upset about the adoption when they’re older because the foundational belief they have about themselves is that their mother didn’t want them, even though it’s not true. 

(This is the real-life story of my brother. We are the only family he’s ever known, and he’s 13 now, but he still has issues over being adopted. The other boy is 16 and is doing much better with his new family now, though he still has some issues. We had him for a very long time, and we were all happy that we know his adoptive family well because we stayed it contact with him, which almost never happens when a foster kid leaves.)

Oh, I forgot one thing. Usually when kids first get to your house, they are perfect little angels for a while. Depending on the kid, it’s either a couple days or maybe even three months. It’s called the “honeymoon period.” Once their subconscious realizes that this is a safe place to work on their issues and they aren’t in physical danger, they start to process what they’ve been through. It comes out in a variety of ways. Behavioral issues, bedwetting, explosive anger, nightmares, etc.

A note about social workers: All the workers (at least in my state) constantly have too many cases. Like, double what they’re legally supposed to have. Most of them try hard to keep up. Some DO NOT CARE. Some are fantastic and put extra time in to go to the kid’s end-of-the-school-year recitals and build a relationship with them. They’re in charge of organizing visits and making sure the kids have everything set up and are generally important in the kid’s life. They’re required to visit once a month and make sure foster parents have all the right paperwork and arrange dentist visits and bring them to all their therapy appointments. (FYI, You get a piece of paper that says you’re the legal guardian. You have to show it to schools and doctors when you make arrangements for the kids. My mom also keeps a copy in her purse, just in case a kid starts screaming “HELP! SHE’S NOT MY MOM” in the middle of the store or something. It’s never happened, but you know, just in case.)

Also, you would think that they’re the constant in the kid’s life, but if the birth parents move, the case gets transferred to another office in the state, and so the social workers switch. I sincerely hope that’s not how things are done in France because it’s garbage for a lot of reasons.

Okay, I’ve written you an essay, but I hope it was a useful essay! Let me know if you have any more questions!

[finfarts]

feel free to ignore, i just wanted to vent some thoughts & it is long

about two hours ago would have been the prime time for me to write out my displeasure with work but because i’ve waited until the end of my work day instead, i’m now just exhausted, stressed and defeated.

back in 2017, i accepted the position of workshop coordinator partially for the raise and partially bc i had already accepted about half of the workload associated with the title and turned the position from a once a month routine to a full time job. did that for a few years then decided i was ready to head back to school this time to for art.

had an online skype interview, hit it off really well with the founder of the college and the question of employment came up at some point. “If you don’t mind me asking, what is your job currently?” “Workshop Coordinator.” “Oh, that’s funny. We were just about to start looking for one of those.” about a week later i had a job interview, got hired and then got accepted into the college after turning out the portfolio requirements in a little under a month. a sweet deal! I’d be going to a different city, had employment guaranteed because i was going to pay my own way through school, found a place to move to, arrived on february 17th the day after concluding a massive event at my prior place of employment and started working with the college mar. 3rd.

there was it’s own learning curve, linex os computers instead of apple or windows, different organization, different content, different objectives of the company, etc etc. no big deal, just has to work my way through and get familiar with the process. fantastic! then march 14th hit and suddenly covid was a very pressing topic and concern. so the college moved to remote work and schooling, taking a few extra months for students but the experience was a near instant switch for staff. so we kind of rode it out for a few months. that two weeks to flatten the curve shit never really took. a few housemates got sick, my partner missed me dearly as did my cat, and i felt like i was loosing touch with reality so before travel laws got stupid i moved back home where rent was cheaper.

i attended college online and while it might have been slower and lacking in some regard, i really enjoyed it! it made me feel like i had a lot more knowledge and understanding than i previously thought, it also opened my eyes to the fact that the arts education i had received prior was deeply lacking so this was a vast improvement. my art skills grew exponentially over that time but i barely had a day off. if i wasn’t working on assignments, i was working for income. if i wasn’t working on either then i was pretty much dead to the world.

anyways, i’m now a full time employee bc covid fucked up my savings and i can’t afford to be a student anymore. it’s presented a lot of opportunity but i’m at a cross roads again where i know i would benefit from a school setting like that but i don’t actually want to move back to the big city or commute to it. i also never wanted to be a workshop coordinator, it’s just a position that keeps falling on my lap so i’m constantly helping others get the arts education i wish i had time to develop further but i’m not skilled enough to actually land a job in the industry either. a perpetual crossroads.

also somehow i’ve become like a pre-screener for the school’s staff/hiring process, on top of managing their social media, advertising/marketing with some minor IT support type stuff but none of it is actually what i want to do and drains me of the time/energy to pursue the stuff i want to do because i am chasing constant deadlines and bureaucratic procedures. i’ve learned so much bizarrely specific canadian law and international students keep asking me for visa support when i don’t know shit. i keep trying to learn but it’s so far outside my wheel house that i’m exhausted.

anyways, if anyone read this whole ramble. you’re a cool person and thanks for taking the time. i hope your day goes well or has gone well so far and if not please take a moment to breath with me so we can get through this journey called life together.

also if you know of any job opportunities for someone with a bizarre range of skill sets that doesn’t fit into the average job market that doesn’t involve coordinating workshops, hmu. thanks.

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

omg please drop all of your haircare knowledge, asking for a wavy/curly friend

HELLO YES I LOVE TALKING ABT THIS

So once upon a time I spent weeks on end on naturallycurly.com reading about wavy hair care specifically. I had just moved to Colorado six months before and my hair was Not loving the climate shift - the higher altitude results in dryer air and my hair was unmanageable and gross 100% of the time and I was sick of it. This article in particular was unbelievably helpful and it formed the basis of my research.

Here’s my before (spring 2019) and after (spring 2020):

(I have not really been styling my hair and/or taking selfies since then because. Pandemic. Not much point in going to that much effort just to work from home lol)

Below the cut are more specific tips for washing/styling, featuring linked articles, tutorials, and products. I do want to acknowledge that these are adapted from the methods Black women have been using to care for their (type 4) hair for generations - the methods largely work for 2&3 hair types too, but with some modifications (e.g., white people don’t generally need to add extra oil to moisturize their hair between washes). If you’re going to buy products, buy from Black-owned companies whenever possible! Ecoslay and Inahsi are two of my favorites.

Some general tips:

Know the general state of your hair. Is it dense or thin? Are the strands coarse or fine? Is it damaged from color and/or heat? If it’s dense and/or coarse, you’ll want heavier products to penetrate the strands (like gels). If it’s thin and/or fine, you’ll want lighter products to not weigh them down (like mousses). If it’s damaged, you’ll want heavy stuff with a lot of protein to get it healthy.

Protein and moisture are key to balancing your hair. Protein deficiency/excess moisture results in hair that’s too soft and doesn’t hold a curl, while moisture deficiency/excess protein is when your hair feels crunchy without anything in it. Odds are if you’ve been using sulfate-heavy products you’ll need a heavy dose of both. My hair was so protein-starved that I had to do two gelatin treatments to build it back up but I haven’t had to do anything like that since

Ingredients: cut out sulfates and silicones. Sulfates dry out your hair and silicones coat the strands and weigh it down. Ingredient labels are your friends - sulfates are pretty easy to spot (e.g., sodium laureth sulfate) and silicones usually end in ‘cone’ (e.g., dimethicone). Some people also avoid heavy oils and butters (e.g., shea butter) but it really depends on how thick your hair is and how tight your curls are. I generally avoid them because they weigh down my looser curls but others with tighter curl patterns find them moisturizing and helpful. When in doubt, plug the ingredient list into Curlsbot to see what's curl friendly and what's not.

You do not need fancy products. I've linked some of my faves in here but there's plenty of inexpensive stuff available at drug stores. @coffeecurlygirl on Instagram has some highlights where she's reviewed curl-friendly drug store products. I am also American, so product availability may be different in other places. Curl Maven (based in Ireland) is a treasure trove of product information for Europe, as well as an excellent source for curly hair care in general.

Washing:

The most important part of washing your hair and scalp isn’t the cleanser, it’s the friction. Some people find success with cowashing, which is when you use a conditioner to wash your hair. This moisturizes your scalp and prevents your hair from drying out with the cleansing agents. Others like having something more cleansing and use a sulfate-free shampoo (usually containing something like sodium olefin 14-16 sulfonate). I tend to switch cleansers whenever I wash - I like the As I Am Dry and Itchy Scalp cowash, Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Tingle shampoo, and a medicated shampoo & conditioner 2 in 1 deal. (My scalp is dry 100% of the time, it’s a struggle.) I also recommend getting a shampoo brush to really scrub it in there.

Conditioning is probably the most important step in your routine. Again, knowing your hair is really important here! Conditioners come in a huge range of heaviness. I have relatively thick hair and I like heavy conditioners. You want one that you can apply to your hair and practically feel it detangle itself. I like Giovanni conditioners best - the Deeper Moisture and Tea Tree Triple Treat are both good. You want to avoid your scalp because that’s where buildup happens, so apply to the length of your hair and squish it in (tutorial) from the bottom to form your curl clumps and ensure it penetrates each strand.

Clarifying is also something you want to do every so often. You’ll end up with some buildup on your hair no matter what so this is when you need an actual cleanser to break it down. You can get clarifying shampoos (Bumble & Bumble has one but I’ve never used it) but honestly you just need a normal sulfate shampoo. I use Suave Daily Clarifying (do not use it daily) which is like a dollar and will last forever.

After clarifying you should deep condition to restore moisture to your hair. My favorite these days is Jessicurl, but when I first started out this whole thing I needed something super protein-heavy so I used Curl Junkie’s Repair Me. In the middle of the road is something like Inahsi which is relatively balanced between moisture and protein. It all depends on what your hair needs. Apply after washing, let it sit on your hair for 30-45 minutes (use a shower cap and ideally a heat cap for max effectiveness). Rinse and style as usual.

Don’t use a normal towel to dry your hair. Terrycloth is a one-way ticket to Frizz City. You can buy microfiber towels made specifically for hair but you can also just use a tshirt. Also don’t rub your hair when you dry it, instead squeeze the water out from the bottom to preserve your curl pattern and prevent frizz.

You probably don’t have to wash your hair as often as you think. I wash my hair once or twice a week and it gets the job done. It takes much longer for curly hair to get gross and oily than for straight hair - my sister’s hair is stick straight and she has to wash every day.

Styling:

The products you use are much less important than the technique. Youtube is super helpful for demonstrations of how to apply products - reallife+curlygirl has my favorite channel for this.

Leave in conditioner is a must. I recommend finding something that’s intended to be a leave in, but some people just leave in some of the conditioner they used in the shower. Same deal, apply only to your ends, not the scalp.

After the leave in, here’s where the fun begins! Apply your styling products when your hair is soaking wet (like, immediately after your shower). I like to use a curl enhancer (eg Ecoslay’s Orange Marmalade or Uncle Funky’s Curl Magic) and then a gel over top (pretty much any drug store brand works - Aussie, LA Looks, etc.). Squish it in like you did your conditioner and use a lot of water. I legit have a mixing bowl that I keep in my shower and fill partway with water when applying so I can scoop in more water as needed. Squish until you can’t really feel the product anymore and then you’re good.

Plop your hair to set the curls (tutorial). Let it sit for 15-20 minutes. If you’re feeling extra you can add more gel once you take it down.

Diffuse dry (tutorial). DO NOT use a hair dryer without a diffuser, the direct heat is too intense and won’t give you good results.

Your hair will probably be a little crunchy after you’re done. Wait however long you want/can (at least until your hair has cooled down and it’s 100% dry) and then scrunch it out. No ramen noodle hair and your curls have set!

This can all be super overwhelming but is super worth it. You can see how much it's benefited my hair and I have no regrets. Most of these tips are things that have specifically worked for me, but if you want a more general (and better explained) quick-start guide for curl care, Curl Maven is a fantastic resource. There are a zillion places on the internet to get information, but I strongly recommend just sticking to a few: Naturally Curly, reallife+curlygirl, and Curl Maven are the best I've found and seem to cover the most ground. There's also a thriving Instagram community but proceed with caution - big Mormon mom energy over there, for whatever reason.

Finally, while the curls are great, the biggest change I’ve seen has been in the overall health of my hair. Washing less means my hair doesn’t get dried out as quickly, and even when I don’t style my hair (leave-in only and air dry) my hair still has some volume which is nuts. You don’t have to do all the styling every time you wash to get the benefits.

Hope this is helpful! Godspeed, my friend.

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

[inkykeiji]

Hiya Clari I just read the tomura piece and omg it was so fucking fantastic I loved it sooo much, your writing never fails to just be absolutely perfect <3

Anyways I hope you’re having a great day and I’ll wish you a happy Easter whilst I’m here, sending you all the love and hugs hugs in the world <333-🍯

HONEYYYYYYYYYYY oh my gosh hello!!! SORRY I AM A WEEK LATE WAAAAH happy easter honeybun <333 i’m so so so happy to hear you enjoyed tomura’s birthday fic!!!!!

first of all, please do not apologize!!!! you have absolutely no reason to be apologizing sweet honeybee <3 you come talk to me at your own pace, and whether that’s once every six months or it’s once every two weeks, it doesn’t matter to me; i’m just glad to hear from you!!! <33 do not ever feel pressured to come send me a message, okay? you do it on your own time and your own schedule, i appreciate it regardless of how frequent or infrequent they are <3

i’m sorry you’ve been having a rough time!!! :( but i am very, very proud of you for choosing therapy again!! that is a very brave choice, and i am so happy to hear you’re doing what you feel is best for you, even if it’s scary <3 that’s incredible!!! i hope you give yourself a pat on the back for that choice <3

i’m sorry you’ve been having a rough time!!! :( but i am very, very proud of you for choosing therapy again!! that is a very brave choice, and i am so happy to hear you’re doing what you feel is best for you, even if it’s scary <3 that’s incredible!!! i hope you give yourself a pat on the back for that choice <3

everything has been okay!!! it’s still rocky but i think that’s what recovery + healing are like, right??? i’m being treated for both my mental illness (learning healthy coping mechanisms, skills like time management etc) as well as my raging perfectionism and childhood trauma, which i have never touched in any therapy i’ve ever been in for my twenty something years on this earth, so it’s a lot, but it’s going really well!!! i feel like i’m making progress even if its slow (any progress is good progress, right!?) and i’ve been told by those around me that they see a change as well so that’s super awesome!! it’s really tough and exhausting work, but i am determined to get better and create the life i deserve, and i don’t mind putting in the work for that.

spanish!!!! that’s awesome!! my boyfriend and i have been very slowly learning italian but tbh we aren’t as committed to it as we should be. i really want to pick up japanese again :( but how is the spanish going!? are you enjoying it???

HAHAHAHAHA awww honey bb that makes me giggle so much!!! my boyfriends brother has soooo many so we’re going to make ours mate HAHA but they’re fun!!! they’re so cute too :( i did not have the DS game but i know exactly what you’re talking about!!!! i remember the tama town website, too!!

i have been trying my very best!! some days are better than others, you know how it is haha <3 i’ve actually been doing a lot of cleaning and organizing lately which feels great!!! i have so many plans and goals that i’ve begun working towards and i am extremely excited to see them come to fruition <3 i love you so much and i hope you’re doing absolutely incredible!!! stay safe out there sweetpea and don’t forget to hydrate!!!

ps. thank you for the message regarding the incident on my blog a while ago!!! im not going to post it because i don’t want to open up that can of worms again but i just wanted you to know that i received it and i appreciate it a lot <3

[merlinfic]

❄️ Fic Lists for the Holidays! ❄️

Hi y’all! Happy holidays! We hope you all have a fantastic (and safe!) day today!

As a note: obviously, these lists are (and will be) in no way comprehensive of all the fics that the Merlin fandom has to offer, but we hope you enjoy! Be sure to keep a look out for one more list next week!

The fifth theme is of course: Christmas/Yule! Have a great holiday everyone! :D

And This Is How I See You by Emjayelle

Summary: For months now they've been casually meeting in the lobby of their building, and Merlin's been harbouring a (totally not creepy and perfectly normal and not at all pathetic) crush on his neighbour, Arthur. As luck would have it, they both suddenly find themselves on their own for Christmas, and well… They say there's nothing like a bit of holiday cheer to bring people together. (And pancakes. And toys. And no matter what Arthur says peppermint tea is a legitimate thing. Also cake.)

As Long As We Have We by lady_ragnell

Summary: Arthur thinks he's going to have to spend Christmas alone--at least until he somehow acquires a whole house full of strays.

Blue Christmas by SlantedKnitting

Summary: Arthur's alone on Christmas for the first time in his life and he almost can't cope until Merlin steps in to quietly take Arthur home to Ealdor for the holiday.

Fried Chicken For Christmas by BlueSimplicity

Summary: When Vivian makes a comment to their friends, insinuating that Arthur is not the most passionate of people, hurt and embarrassed, Arthur decides to make her a homemade Christmas feast to prove that he can be romantic. After he almost sets the building on fire three times, help comes to him in the form of his neighbour from 514, a tall lanky fellow named Merlin, with two of the worst behaved dogs Arthur has ever encountered, who offers to teach him how to cook.

Except, as their lessons progress, Arthur slowly comes to realise that Vivian may not be the one he really wants to cook for. But only if he has the courage to let go of all of his fears, and reach for the one thing he truly wants for Christmas.

WARNINGS – This story contains an exploded microwave, opaque blob, a blorp, and mentions of inappropriate sexual acts performed on turkeys. But also, a little bit of holiday cheer and a whole lot of love.

gold rush by acciomerlin

Summary: "Did you bring me flowers, Merlin?"

"Uh, no?”

Arthur gestured to a spot on the table behind him.

“What’s that, then?”

Merlin slowly twisted around to see what he was pointing at, dread curling in his gut. Primly placed on the tabletop was a bouquet of red roses.

“Er, someone else must have left them there. I have no idea where they came from,” Merlin lied awkwardly.

As if on cue, a rose fell out of his jacket pocket and Merlin's stomach dropped a thousand feet beneath the ground.

OR

It's Yuletide, the newly appointed Court Sorcerer of Camelot is pining and his magic decides to do something about it.

In for keeps by Anonymous

Summary: Merlin and Prince Arthur have been in a relationship for a while, unbeknownst to others. Arthur is ready to take the next step and make them official, but Merlin isn’t yet. The restrictions on his life and the mere idea of the lack of privacy seem too much for him to bear.

Separated over Christmas, overworked and overwrought, an accident befalls Arthur.

Cue a worried Merlin racing overnight on a trouble-ridden trip to Scotland on Christmas Eve.

Well, the course of true love, never did run smooth...

Let Me Tell You a Story (and show you my heart) by Emrys MK (mk_malfoy)

Summary: Arthur, newly crowned King of Camelot, gets sick at Yule, his favorite holiday of the year. He is disappointed that he will miss the festivities, frustrated because Merlin is telling him what to do, and feels awful because every bone in his body aches. Through it all, Merlin, ever the faithful servant, takes very good care of Arthur.

Maybe this Christmas by Anonymous

Summary: It’s almost Christmas and all the flights at JFK airport in New York have been cancelled due to a storm. Stuck at the airport, Arthur, a young businessman on the verge of burnout, meets Merlin, a yoga teacher from Cardiff. Sparks fly and what starts out as a heated, head-over-heels Christmas romance has the potential to become more - much more.

If it weren’t for the baggage both of them bring with them…

Mistletoe by swiftonthedownside

Summary: At Yuletide celebrations, visitors from the north bring with them a treasured tradition—and with it, a whole heap of trouble.

Basically an AU where less stuff has gone wrong, Morgana isn’t evil, etc. Takes place the year Arthur was crowned Prince of Camelot.

Rarely Plain and Never Simple by Anonymous

Summary: For once, it would be nice if Merlin’s favourite winter festival could pass without having to fend off any deadly magical threats. But something about Yule just seems to bring out the absolute worst in people. Year after year, he enters the season full of hope for an enjoyable party, only for his hopes to be dashed by a deluge of disasters. Still, despite being waylaid by an overly perceptive knight, a curious prince, and a naughty baby dragon, he is cautiously optimistic that this year will be different... until a sorcerer arrives at the citadel who threatens to punch a hole in all his dreams…

To Make The Season Bright by ingberry

Summary: Merlin swaps houses with Morgana Pendragon over Christmas only to end up with a house guest that wasn't part of the deal.

Underneath the Mistletoe by tehfanglyfish

Summary: After Gwen tells Arthur about the custom of kissing under the mistletoe, all he can think about is how it would be a nice way to work up the courage to finally kiss Merlin. It's too bad that Merlin is pining after someone else. And to make matters worse, rogue mistletoe keeps appearing in Arthur's chambers.

Also known as the one where Arthur pines for Merlin, Gwen makes a move, Merlin's magic has a mind of its own, and Percival and Gwaine get a much-needed push.

warm and real and bright by ariadne_odair

Summary: “Did you miss me?” Arthur asks.

“Not in the slightest,” Merlin lies baldly, and laughs when Arthur digs him in the ribs. “Will sends his regards.”

Arthur snorts. “No, he doesn’t.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Merlin agrees. “He had several thoughts on me being courted by a Lord.”

“I just bet he did,” Arthur mutters. “I am more curious to know your thoughts on the matter.”

-In which: Lord Arthur Pendragon is courting one Merlin Emrys, Arthur is absolutely not pining whilst Merlin is away, and Gwaine gives advice that is (very) occasionally useful.

We Could Always Be This Way by idlestories

Summary: Merlin and Arthur are married, Camelot is flourishing, and it's the holidays. It's snowing, and Merlin owes Arthur a dance.