#i just can't help but put myself in their shoes and be like holy fuck. i could not have survived that.

[lakemichigans]

are we okay to talk about the v d a y vid now and how sad it is that the very platform they built their careers and lives on was the platform that essentially outed them in such a traumatic way. obviously the youtube glitch was just an accident but can you even believe the cosmic irony of it all

[infamous-if]

RO reaction to MC just bombing on stage? Just having a bad day and singing/performing terribly? But sitcom level terrible. How would they break the news? Would they tell them?

This is so funny omg

The song ends and you do a quick bow, trying to catch your breath. That was good, right? You glance back at your band members, who are all weirdly looking away. When Rowan catches your gaze, he quickly turns his head, suddenly interested elsewhere. You shrug. Meh. It was good to me.

You and your bandmates get off the stage and you beam when you see [RO]. "So? What'd you think?"

Seven (no hatred): Seven makes a face that's a cross between a grimace and a flinch. They put their hands on your arms, rubbing it affectionately. Oddly enough, it feels like Sev's trying to make you feel better about something. "You know I always think you're great." You can't help but pick up on the emphasis on the 'I.'

"So it was good?"

They narrow their eyes comically small and nod slowly. "Ye...aa...h?Yeha.....aeah...." As if giving up on the pretense, they shake their head. "No. It wasn't. Do you have a stomach ache perhaps? Heart burn?"

"What? No. Why, that bad?"

A shrug. "If I suck, I'd like to tell myself it's for a reason so I can feel better."

"If?" you say.

Seven grins. "Hasn't happened yet."

Seven (during-hatred): "That was fucking embarrassing."

G: G beams and puts two palms on your shoulders. "I really appreciate your dedication to the bit."

You tilt your head, confused. "What?"

G's brows furrow, and then they drop their hands. Then they realize something and huff out a laugh. "Wait. That wasn't a joke?"

Panic rises within you. "No?"

G's cheeks balloon--as if they're trying not to laugh--before the effort fails and they double over. "Oh my god. Seriously?"

"G?! Are you laughing at me?"

They can't stop their laughter and they put a hand on their cheek, awed and amused all at once. "That was terrible. I thought you were kidding! Holy shit, I need a copy of that performance for posterity."

Victoria: "Um." Victoria averts her gaze, looking a bit awkward. "I'm going to tell you because I care about you: it was kind of horrible."

"Kind of?"

A flinch. "Very BUT." She puts her hand on your cheek. "This is just one performance. You'll do great tomorrow! Maybe you were just stressed..."

"I thought it was great..." you mumble.

She makes a face, dropping her maternal act a moment. "Seriously?--Oh." She shakes her head. "Sorry."

Sebastian: Sebastian stares at you blankly, though he looks a bit guilty. "I don't have enough experience to have an opinion."

You shove him playfully. "Just tell me."

Sebastian's throat bobs and he says: "It didn't sound great but I don't know enough to feel confident in that claim."

You frown, feeling both hurt and confused. "Why do you sound like you're in a job interview?"

"You know, I think this conversation would be more beneficial to your progress with someone else..."

August: August tilts their head. "Are you asking seriously or is this supposed to be a joke?"

"What?" "Oh. So serious then." They thin their lips, teetering on the heels of their shoes as they think. "It was bad."

"What?"

"Yeah. Terrible, actually." August smiles. "But that's okay. We all have bad days, don't we?"

"The thing is, I thought I did great..."

Their smile drops. "Oh..?"

Orion: Orion doesn't look up from his phone and you frown, tapping him. "Hello?"

He meets your gaze and waves his phone. "Sorry, I was just on Indeed looking for another job." "What? Wait, the performance was bad?"

He looks momentarily horrified, and then helpless, and then disappointed. "The fact that you can't even tell worries me greatly."

You frown. "I thought it was good."

He shakes his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose in resignation. "This is my fault. I've been coddling you too much."

"You think what you do is coddling?!"

[wandafiction]

Panic Attack - Just Us Chapter 8

Warnings: Panic Attacks

Word Count: 2261

Series List | Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

================================

Ding. The elevator doors opened to the penthouse, as I breathed out a happy sigh a smile still plastered on my face. Taking my shoes off I didn't notice the figure in the living room moving towards me.

"Someone looks happy." The voice made me jump out of my skin.

"Holy Shit! Don't fucking do that. I nearly had a heart attack." I held one hand to my heart while the other smacked the man in front of me chest. 

"Wouldn't be the first time." 

"Har har Tony. Very funny." I glare at him playfully, so he puts his hands up in surrender. 

"No hug for me? No hey papa T?" He wiggles his eyebrows as he speaks.

"No, because you scared me, you don't deserve the niceties." I gently bump his shoulder as I walk past so he knows I'm not actually mad.

"Well you have my deepest apologies. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm here with good news and on business." He follows me into the kitchen as I start up the coffee machine, turning to face him. I gesture to him silently asking if he wants one, he nods his head excitedly. Of course he wants coffee. 

"Business first Papa T. You know me." He sends me one of those Tony Stark business smiles, that seem to win anyone over.

"So talking business, the new and improved Da Vinci medical Robot. You know the one, your team helped to upgrade last quarter. Well everyone seems to love it better than the original, and the original creators can't be more thankful. They want to keep working with you, something about. The future of medicine." He waves his hand to emphasise his point. "So what do you think? Do you want to work alongside them?"

"Let's set up a meeting, see what ideas they have floating about and then we can decide."

"Perfect, I will get Pepper on it." I nod as I hand him his freshly brewed coffee. "And now the good news."

"That's all the business for today?" Normally there's lots more...oh well I'm not complaining. 

"Yeah, you have caught up with everything, so at the moment we are at an all time high and could probably bring in a few new people and that."

"Cool."

"Anyway the good news."

"Yes the good news." 

"They found him." I choke on my coffee not expecting that to be the good news.

"They found him?" It comes out as a very small whisper, tears already brimming my eyes. "After two years?" 

"Yeah, they finally got him." He grabs my hand that's on the counter giving it a gentle squeeze as I lose myself to inner turmoil again, but feeling Tony's hand on mine brings me back and I clear my throat.

"And the evidence? Is it enough? Is he going down for what he did? Have they really got him?" I have so many questions and I can't decide which ones to ask.

"They really got him Y/n. There's plenty of evidence. He is going down." He emphasises the last sentence. "He is going to be held in jail till the trial and even then the lawyers truly believe he will get a life sentence." 

A life sentence holy shit! I mean I've waited 2 years for this news. Now that I have it I don't know what to do with it. I should be happy. Like over the fucking moon happy. Open a bottle of champagne and get so fucking drunk I don't remember the night before. Yes, that happy! But I don't think I am. I'm mean shit. 2 fucking years, and I feel...numb. Well numb, and everything! How the fuck is that possible. How can I feel so many emotions at once, but feel so fucking numb about this whole thing?! It makes no fucking sense. NO FUCKING SENSE!

"Hey, hey. Woah, woah, woah. Y/n? Y/n I need you to breathe for me. Can you do that?" I hadn't realised that my breathing was erratic and tears were falling out my eyes like it was going out of fashion. 

My eyes pinged around the room trying to find something to focus on, but as soon as they stopped at one thing my inner turmoil got worse so I kept my eyes moving. I tried identifying things in the room that my eyes could settle on for more than a second, nothing was working. I couldn't ground myself in this world. I felt like I was watching from out of my body, watching myself slowly lose the battle against the turmoil of my brain. The outside world is getting smaller and smaller. Darker and darker. 

I jump when I feel someone's hand on me, I don't recognise their touch. I push myself away from whoever has their hands on me. However, I end up tripping over my own feet as I travel backwards, stumbling down to the floor. Of course on the way down to the floor I hit the side of my face on the kitchen counter, ending up on my back on the floor. I feel someone grab my arms, I know deep down they are trying to help but once again I push them off of me. I scramble along the floor, my butt sliding across the tiled floor, my legs working overtime to push me back frantically. I feel my back hit the kitchen counter, but I'm still not far enough away...I push myself along the counter, until I feel the corner and tuck myself down into it.

I pull my knees as tight as possible against my chest, wrapping both arms around them and pulling them impossibly closer to my chest. I place my forehead between my knees, my body slightly bouncing back and forth...or shaking: I can't quite tell. I hear a muffled voice, but can't make out what they are saying. It sounds like I'm underwater, it feels like the room is collapsing in on me. The air pushed out of my lungs and I am unable to get any air back in.

I don't know how long I've been here, but I feel a different pair of hands on me. These ones are very different, soft, gentle and hold onto my calfs just above my ankles. I recognise this touch. They slowly move up to my knee and then back down, then slowly back up again. I then feel the hands move from my knees to my elbows and they follow my arms up to my shoulders. The hands then travel back down my arms, all the way to my hands which I'm pretty sure are stuck against my clothes with how tight I am holding onto them. My knuckles are obviously white from the pressure, still lost...but the hands. I can feel the hands. I'm not jumping back. That's good. I recognise them. I do. I recognise them.

The gentle hands wrap cautiously around mine, slowly squeezing them with the tiniest bit of pressure. Both of mine relax almost instantly. The owner of the hands starts to speak, but I still can't hear anything. They obviously notice this, because their hands move back up to my shoulders across to my neck and then to my cheeks. They slowly lift my hand so my eyes can meet theirs, it's hard to see with how many tears my eyes are filled with but I recognise them enough. A gentle smile tugs at the blonde's face as she sees me reacting to her and her actions. 

"I'm going to move your hand to my chest. Is that okay?" 

"Mhmm." I can't say anything else, not even a nod. Just an approving hum. 

"Okay." She grabs my right hand and brings it to the center of her chest where I can feel her heartbeat and her chest rising and falling with each breath. "You feel that? Try and copy it for me with your own breath. Concentrate on nothing else but what your hand is feeling, look at my face or close your eyes. But concentrate on what your hand is telling you." 

So I do. In. Out. In. Out. She is slowing her breathing down, it must be working. If she is slowing hers down more it means mine is slowly getting to some sort of normal. 

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

"You're doing so well. Keep going. I'm so proud of you, you're doing so great. Do you think you can speak?" 

"Y...ye...yeah."

"Good, good. You're doing amazing. Can you answer my questions?"

"Yeah." I breathe out.

"Okay. Name me 5 things you can see."

"Uhm...You...My hand...The floor...The counter...My feet." 

"Good, you're doing great. Now name me 4 things you can hear?" 

"Your voice. My voice. The radio station. And, uhm, my breathing." 

"Amazing. Now 3 things you can feel."

"The floor, your chest, my clothes."

"Great, you're doing so well. Now two things you can smell."

"I smell...uhm...my perfume and...uhm...coffee."

"Thats it keep breathing,  your doing so well for me y/n. Now the last one. One thing you can taste."

"My toothpaste." I let out one last breath. I finally feel like I'm back in my body, and back in control of it, almost. "Thank you Carol."

"Of course." She moves her hand to stroke my cheek getting rid of some of the drying tears now I've finally stopped crying.

"You didn't have to come, I would have sorted myself out soon enough." She now places her other hand on my other cheek moving my face up a bit so she can look me right in the eye.

"Now listen to me. I am your sister! Of course I will help you. No matter where I am, I will always come and help you. Always. Tony couldn't seem to pull you out of it, so he called me."

"Thank you." I didn't really know what else to say, there's nothing else I could say. "Is Papa T still here?"

"Yeah I'm still here kid." I look up to see him leaning against the kitchen counter, obvious worry spread across his face.

"I'm sorry Papa T. I didn't mean to scare you." 

"You didn't scare me, you just worried me and I seemed to make it worse." 

"Uhm...yeah. It was the touching. I lose myself in my head and when someone touches me, if I don't recognise their touch then my body reacts in such a way. I don't know why, it just does." I shrug my shoulders, I don't know how else to explain it. 

"It's okay, I understand. Just tell me how I can help, so if you have another in front of me I know what to do." He bends down to my height giving me a loving smile. 

"We can work on it. It's all about touch. We don't really hug or anything but we shake hands, so that's where we can start. Thank you Papa T." 

"Of course. That's why I called your sister. I didn't know what else to do. Do they happen often? The panic attacks?" Tony's curious eyes meet mine, that I'm sure are red and puffy.

"They used to. I haven't had one in a while, a long while. Maybe 6 months or so." I start to climb off the floor, my bum now very numb and cold. 

"Do you know what caused it?" Carol asks gently. 

"Papa T gave me some news. Good news. But the emotions caused inner turmoil and I sort of just lost myself to it all. It sort of just took over, and then spiraled."

"What's the news?" Carol asks as she wraps an arm around my back. 

"I will let Papa T tell you, I am going to go to bed. I'm exhausted after that one, I need rest. How long was I 'gone' for?"

"About 30 minutes.' Papa T informs me. Holy Shit! That's a big fucking panic attack, no wonder I feel like I could sleep for days.

"Okay let me help you to bed, I will come back down in a second Tony don't go anywhere." Carol rubs my back up and down. "Come let's get you upstairs." 

"I love you Y/n." I hear Tony's voice call over.

"Love you too Papa T." I call over my shoulder. I feel Carol move to look at him.

"Thank you Tony, you do so much for her. I will be down in a minute."

"Okay."

With that Carol leads me upstairs and into my room. I feel so tired I can hardly move, so Carol is practically manhandling her own sister, me,  into bed. I feel so useless. 

"I'm sorry." I mumble down to her.

"Don't ever be sorry for things you can't control. I am your sister. I love you. I will always be here for you. So please don't apologise." 

"Okay, well I'm sorry for being sorry."

"Good." We both giggle. She lays me down and tucks me in. "Comfortable?"

"Yes...thank you." I mumble into my pillow. 

"Always." She goes to move off the bed, but I grab her hand.

"I love you Carol." She swipes some hair out of my face.

"I love you too Y/n." She pecks me on the forehead. "Now get some sleep". 

As soon as I hear her close the door, I settle more into my bed sinking into the pillows and many cushions. I let out a large breath, losing myself to sleep.

================================

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Lexi-Flavored Denial [11]

"Y/n-- take that ridiculous fucking mask off right now!"

I pinch my lips together in an attempt to hide the giggle that gets caught in my throat.

Ash and I have just gotten back into my hotel room after splitting up with the guys for the night. We took a taxi here and Ash shoved me into an elevator, ripped my door open, and is now staring at me with the cutest little angry expression I've ever seen on her face.

"Can't I go shower first or something?" I ask, purposefully trying to rile her up a bit more. I just can't help it, especially when she's trying to force anger that just isn't there.

Ash's eyes narrow as she kicks off her shoes by the door. "No. Take it off now." Her manicured hand lifts and she points an accusatory finger at me. "Miss 'I-won't-show-you-my-face-for-six-years.' I literally have not seen you since you were in high school, and that was only a singular photo!"

I snort. "Be happy with that one picture. You can wait a bit longer."

Ash groans, tilting her head up to the ceiling. She even lightly stomps her foot on the ground then grabs at the air. "I absolutely cannot wait any longer! I need to see the face I kissed. It's driving me insane. I just know you're hot." Her screeches are wild and crazed at this point, so maybe it's time I put her out of her misery.

With a little giggle that I can't quite keep in, I put my hands on the cheeks of my mask and push it up my face, then ease the band that held it to my head out of my hair.

I look up at Ash, a spear of anxiety rushing through me. It's not like it matters-- this is my best friend-- but it still feels a bit scary. I'm not all that pretty and what if she expected someone better looking? I don't even come close to comparing to The Faces.

Ash doesn't have a physical reaction-- she just stares, mouth gaping a bit. Her eyes flit over every little inch of me. It makes my anxiety even worse to the point that I'm twiddling my thumbs and looking at anything but her... and my feet seem extremely entertaining right now.

I've never ever been confident in myself and that's something Ash knows well. Watching her watch me but not say a word makes me feel like she doesn't think I look very good. Which, honestly, I'd rather her tell me the truth instead of lie. So maybe her reaction is better-- Ash would never lie to me.

I peek at Ash through my lashes, watching her smack her lips together, lick them, then gape at me again. Well fuck. It must be bad.

So I grimace and tilt my head down again. I'm about to just go take a shower and call it a night. Try to ignore the embarrassment barreling through me in a never-ending wave of remorseless shame.

"Y/n," Ash says, and I pick my head up again. She's still blankly staring at me. "I have made out with so many women in my life, just so you know. But I have to say that you are, by far, the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of kissing. Wow. I want to brag about you."

I gulp, heat enveloping my cheeks immediately. I'm relieved, even a bit shy as Ash's eyes start to go wide and she blinks at me, eyes going in so many directions as she looks over me some more.

Truth be told, I'm seconds away from either breaking down over her words or cackling at her manic eyes.

"Holy-- wow." Ash squeals, taking quick steps toward me and grabbing my warm cheeks in her hands. "And your little blush just makes you so much prettier. Do you even exist?" Her eyebrows scrunch together, accentuating her wide, bright eyes. "Bellissima, principessa!"

She puts her face right up to mine and my heart skips a beat as our noses brush together. Her wide, crazed, beautiful eyes clash with my own wide ones. Her warm coconut scent fills my senses and I have to blink through the strong, hypnotizing smell.

"Dude," she murmurs. "I'm going to kiss you again. That cool?"

I blink at her, my breath catching in my throat and my hands growing clammy. "Are you sure?" I choke out, chewing on my bottom lip. "I mean I don't really mind," my mouth continues blabbing even though I'm completely okay with another kiss-- I'm just nervous. Maybe Ash thinks I'm the most beautiful woman she's ever kissed, but she's the only woman I've ever kissed. Not to mention, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Period.

Ash doesn't say a word, just brings her mouth to mine, the remnants of her strawberry lipgloss melding our lips together. I'm filled with deja vu, the memory of our kiss from earlier tonight bouncing around my head. Fuck, now I'm going to associate strawberry lipgloss with girl kisses and Vegas. I'm going to get sad every damn time.

Ash pulls away as quickly as she began our kiss, her eyes shining ecstatically. I stare at her, still mentally stuck with her lips on mine.

Then, she screams.

"Fuck, you are so amazing! You're my best friend for a fucking reason. Holy hell, I got so lucky, you beautiful little bitch!" My eyes go wide as she continues to loudly ramble on and curse about how great this moment is, nuzzling her forehead against mine the entire time.

I'm still in shock as she lets me go and skips off to the bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower. I simply nod, unable to comprehend much.

Does she really think I'm that pretty? How is that even possible?

Either way, I feel like a little school girl as I grab one of the shirts I packed and slide it under the door for Ash to change into. My heart's racing, my lips are a bit sticky from lipgloss (I don't dare wipe it off, by the way), my body is on fire and frozen all at the same time. Because someone thinks I'm so pretty that they just had to kiss me again. I feel... I feel happier than I've been in years. I didn't think anything could top reuniting with my old friends, but this really comes close.

I bite into my cheek, trying to contain the smile growing on my face, but then I have no reason to hide it in the first place. So I let a powerful grin envelop my lips as I skip over to my bed and pull my phone out of my pocket.

I text my boss about having the flu then call dad and give him an update on my plans. He's excited for me, basically fangirling over the phone with me.

But Ash walks out of the bathroom as I'm talking to dad.

Her flushed, makeup-free face is set in a confused expression as she notes my phone held up to my ear. Her hair is twisted into a towel that sits on top of her head and she's in the shirt I gave her with just underwear. No shame whatsoever-- all beauty, legs, and a little bit of really nice ass.

I smile at her, waving her over to my side of the bed. "Hey dad," I say into my phone, cutting my poor father off as he's talking about how I need to go to the Venetian tomorrow. "Ash is here. Want to say hey?"

Before dad can even answer me, Ash is ripping my phone out of my hands and slapping it against her face, her lips parted in a huge grin that falls into her voice as she squeals. She wiggles around on the bed as she tells dad hello, giggling and cradling the device against her like it's a lifeline.

So I shower in the meantime, only to walk out and find Ash tucked under the comforter of my bed. She's sleeping with her mouth open and her leg taking up the entire mattress, but that's okay. I push her leg over, put a finger under her chin to close her mouth, then tuck myself in beside her.

And when Ash and I both wake up the next morning, I think it's the best sleep I've ever gotten in my life. Yea, even though Ash had every single one of her limbs on me throughout the night, it truly was the best sleep.

"Y/n!" Ash squeaks in the morning, waking me with an immediate start. She's prancing around my room like a deer, still no pants on just like last night. But this time, with the curtains to the window wide open.

Even through my groggy, disoriented mind, I can see the little problem.

I jump from the warmth and comfort of Ash and I's shared bed and throw the curtains closed with one single leap across the room. No, I don't think gamer and online personality Ash Campbell needs a scandal. Not in Vegas, at least.

With a huff, I throw my head over my shoulder to glare at Ash who looks... too happy for me to be angry about anything regarding her at all. So I smile instead as she yanks her shirt off and throws last night's dress on instead.

It's quick, like this is something she's practiced-- which, I wouldn't be surprised if that was true-- and then she's urging me to get dressed.

"We have to take a taxi all the way to Caesar's Palace, ma'am," Ash tells me a few moments later, as I'm staring into the hotel mirror and brushing my teeth despite wanting to sleep a bit longer. It's so hard to even open my eyes again after blinking.

"Thaethar'th Palathe?" I try to say around the toothpaste frothing in every corner of my mouth. But the point is that my interest is piqued and my eyebrows are touching my hairline.

Ash giggles at me. She's sat criss-cross in front of another mirror in the room while she carefully and expertly applies winged eyeliner to her eyes. Like paint to an already perfect canvas of colors. "Yes, Caesar's Palace," she says matter-of-factly. "The guys are fucking obsessed with The Hangover and insisted that we get a suite there. They wouldn't have it any other way."

Her mouth falls open a bit, face going slack as she switches over to applying mascara to her lashes now.

I nod understandingly. The guys have good taste in movies. I've wanted to see Caesar's Palace just because of The Hangover too. But something about the situation tickles my brain so I turn back to Ash with furrowed brows and my toothbrush hanging from the corner of my mouth, watching as she starts lining her full lips with what looks like a dark red pencil.

And then it hits me.

"Ash," I ask slowly, hesitantly. "Where the hell did you get makeup?"

She glances at me through the mirror and shrugs. "I brought the eyeliner and mascara in my little purse, but I bought the liner and lipstick downstairs when you wouldn't wake up earlier." She smudges the liner with her little finger, frowning momentarily before filling in the spot again. "Turns out the shitty little convenience store in the lobby isn't too shitty. I even scored a pack of tampons."

Can't argue with that.

Ash continues to work on her makeup while I get dressed. I choose to put on one of my last outfits-- which was supposed to be my flying outfit-- and call it an L for myself. It's fine. Sure, I'm in my comfort sweatpants: a black pair of Twenty One Pilots Clique merch, in fact, that I've had since I was 15 (they're falling apart but I don't fucking care). And to go wonderfully with it is a plain, black Deftones shirt. I'll be comfy for the rest of my time in Las Vegas.

I try not to let my anxiety seep in as I stress over my appearance. I'm going to be the odd one out in a group-- a very LARGE group-- of city-goers who will be decked out to the nines.

Not to mention, I'll have to attend the Dark Autumn Complex concert like this tonight.

I sigh at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, tongue in cheek as I try to stuff down all of my insecurities. Seeing Sally and that woman fawning over each other last night did nothing to help me. And again, it's all about my lack of self-confidence. I'm not jealous of anyone-- only jealous that I'm unable to do anything without stopping myself because I don't feel like I'm good enough.

It's going to suck staying here two more days with just clothes from the past day.

But like the godsend Ash is, she pipes up from her makeup. "Oh, and we're gonna stop somewhere and get you some clothes. I know you probably need some," she says cheerily. But then she's not so much of a godsend, and more of something that makes my heart skip a beat because no. Just no. "I'll pay for anything you want, so pick out whatever!"

"Ash--" I start to shoot down that offer, but she shuts me up with an icy look instead.

"I won't take no for an answer. Consider this a..." she ponders, pursing her lips and glaring at the ceiling before she looks back to me with a sly grin. "A reconciliation gift."

I still don't like this and she can see it on my face. I know she can because she starts trying to appease me.

Ash puts her tube of blood red lipstick down and frowns at me. "Look," she says softly. "If it bothers you that much, we can stop and get you some clothes from someone working at a restaurant for all I care. We'll sneak into the back and peel the fabric right off their bodies if it makes you feel better. I just don't want you to feel like you don't have options. Plus, I'm seriously dying to style you."

That makes me giggle a bit, but that can't happen so I'm still nervous about it. I'm stubborn, I know.

"How about we go halfsies on the price?" I ask sheepishly. I know Ash is trying to be nice, but it... I don't know. I just don't like burdening others.

She rolls her eyes with a scoff to follow, but nods her head regardless. And that makes me smile because thank God. I don't know if I'd be able to recover if she paid for all of my stuff for me.

My last little touch is to put on my mask while Ash adds some finishing touches to her makeup, then I'm tying the shoelaces of my Vans and walking around the hotel room to make sure I haven't forgotten to pack anything.

Ash and I are in the clear moments later, so we check out of my room, stop by a Marshall's on our way down the Las Vegas strip (much to Ash's chagrin as we pass up a Gucci store which, again, no. Absolutely not). I grab some clothes, all of which are just two skirts since jeans are way too expensive nowadays, fishnets, and two shirts. Thankfully, humanity is starting to finally notice how amazing the rock genre is because this store is just dripping with band merch. I manage to snag a Guns 'n Roses shirt and a Nirvana shirt. One is white and the other is grey, but that works fine with me. I can make do.

Then Ash and I are hobbling into Caesar's Palace with tons of Marshall's bags and my suitcases in hand.

But the weight doesn't affect me for long.

When we're finally fully inside the hotel, the ceiling seems to stretch on for forever. It's all eggshell white, tall glass windows, intricate and golden chandeliers, and so many Greek statues.

I feel like I can't breathe as I look up at the giant feminine statues that are almost two stories tall. Such beautiful representations of femininity and womanly beauty taking over every single sense I have. And that's not counting the dome, glass ceiling surrounded by painted art on every other part of the roof. If it's not painted, it's carved. And then the spiral staircases and instrumentals filling the air around me... I've ever been around so much grandeur in all my life.

I wish I could see this for the first time again.

"Holy hell," I murmur as Ash takes in the beauty beside me.

"I know," she says breathlessly. "I've taken my time to walk through every bit of this hotel that I can get too, but it never gets any less beautiful. Crazy, right?"

"Beyond crazy," I reply. "I don't even need to go to Greece anymore. I think I've seen it all."

Ash laughs lightly, her head tilted back to stare at the gorgeous architecture before she sighs happily and juts her head toward the spiral staircases-- fuck yea-- and says, "We've gotta take those, honey. Then we'll head over to the elevators."

I eye her carefully. "Do we really have to take the stairs?"

She grins sheepishly. "No," she admits. "but I know you want to walk up them anyway."

I try to contain the rising bubble of excitement and appreciation in my belly, but it doesn't take much to have me bursting in moments. "Damn right I do," I finally say, skipping over to the stairs as Ash jogs over behind me.

Just before we start heading upstairs, someone calls Ash's name. Her smile goes from 100 kilowatts to 1,000 kilowatts in just a millisecond as she turns to a group of girls who are grinning ear-to-ear.

"That's my name!" My friend says cheerily, a little high-pitched squeal following as she rushes over to what I can tell are young fans. She hugs each of them then takes photos before politely dismissing them with some kind of excuse I don't quite hear. I assume it has something to do with the tons of people suddenly invested in the fact that strangers are taking pictures with another stranger. Any more time to think about it and they'll realize it's someone famous, so Ash takes the liberty of practically shoving me up the stairs before a herd can jump us.

So maybe I'm not able to look at the lobby too much with Ash rushing me away, but I'll have plenty of time later.

Ash and I scurry off to the elevators and pile in with at least five other people. It's a squished ride to the very top of the hotel, but we make it without anyone realizing that Ash is a popular streamer.

Thankfully.

Ash and I step out of the elevator on the top floor and she lets out a breath that she must have been holding in for a while.

"I love my fans," she suddenly says, looking over at me nervously. "I mean, really, I absolutely love seeing their smiles and I appreciate them so much. But in a place like this... I'd get completely swamped. And I don't think that's very safe or healthy." She worries a bit more, concern and guilt dancing in her jade eyes. "Is it bad of me to.. to feel that way?"

My stoic expression deflates a bit as I take a step closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. "Oh, Ash," I say softly. "No, that's not bad of you at all. It's your right as a human to have personal space and privacy. And your fans should understand that. Don't worry." I offer her a little smile even as I stress over the situation. If I ever end up with even half as many fans as Ash, I'll be panicking over this too, specifically because it's hard to take my own advice even though I know I should.

Life just sucks like that, I suppose.

But there are always upsides and we all have to remember that.

Ash smiles back at me and places her hand on top of mine, squeezing it just like I did her shoulder. Then, she takes a very dramatic and audible breath before walking a couple more doors down.

Three doors down, to be exact. And as Todd would say, laughing my ass off.

And she throws said door open, showing off all three boys who had way too much fun in the suite on their own.

Larry is on perched on the edge of a white couch with an Xbox controller in his hands, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration and wide eyes glancing every which way at the TV screen across the room from him.

He's dressed in a ridiculous black tank top. I say ridiculous because he's toned as shit and I can feel metaphorical drool drip down my chin from just looking at every muscle hiding beneath his smooth, tan, tatted skin. Other than that though, he's in slutty grey sweatpants and black socks with little cats dressed as Abraham Lincoln on them.

I peel my gaze away from him with a shake of my head and look at Sal instead-- who is practically the exact opposite of his friend.

Where Larry is tense and alert, Sal is relaxed and kicked back, leaned on the couch with his legs haphazardly spread apart. Xbox controller in his hand, focused but lax look in his eyes, and the bottom of his prosthetic unlatched.

I'm curious about that at first, but then a puff of smoke falls from under his prosthetic and my questions are answered. But to follow those answered questions is a throbbing deep in my soul. Why is he always so damn hot?

He's wearing black Playboy Bunny sweats and a black Atreyu hoodie to go with it. Then a pair of red socks with the same photo of an orange cat in several spots on them. It's a real cat, that's for sure. I just wonder who's cat he has on his feet.

But his outfit shows every bit of him and nothing at the same time, which leaves me incredibly frustrated. He's gorgeous even in comfy clothes-- pale skin on display, blue eyes shining in the sunlight. And do I have to talk about the tattoo peeking out of the collar of his hoodie?

A muffled laugh falls from Sally's lips as Larry groans, effectively pulling me out of my little trance.

Sal tosses his controller to the side before he lifts a hand under his prosthetic. When his hand reappears a moment later, a cigarette is perched between his middle and index fingers just as he swerves his head to the side, a grin in his eyes while Larry throws his controller onto Sally's lap.

Larry has a sour expression on his face. "Really, man?" he grumbles. "Mortal Combat is so not fun when you just button smash and hope for the best. You need some technique."

Sally lifts his hands in lazy what-do-you-want-from-me fashion before chuckling some more. "Button smashing is working perfectly for me. You're just pissed that I'm winning and you're not," his uncharacteristically happy, but very characteristically smug, raspy voice fills me with so much energy that I feel like I could somehow brave the crowded bottom floors of Caesar's Palace for a moment.

But then I think better of that spontaneous assumption.

Ash walks further into the room now that Sally and Larry's game is finished. She throws the two boys a little exasperated look before heading for Todd who's sitting at a dining table with his phone in his hands and a laptop in front of him.

That leaves me with four plastic Marshall's bags, a suitcase, and a my airplane carry-on bag. Which, by the way, are going to take me a few trips to get into Ash's room.

Well, it would take me that long, but I'm a strong and brave woman and I refuse to make more trips than I have to.

So I drop the bags in my hands, throw my hair into a ponytail in true Rambo fashion, then pile the Marshall's bags onto one arm, my carry-on onto the other, and then start dragging my suitcase behind me.

I march my way past Sally and Larry with my chin held high and my brain on overdrive as I think about how dumb I must look hauling all this into the suite by myself.

But, apparently, I must not look that dumb because a loud cat-calling whistle echoes around me followed by Larry's wild exclamation of, "Go, Vi! You look damn good in sweats."

I throw my head over my shoulder and grin at him-- a grin that he returns with a bright one of his own. But then I look past him and at Sally who watches me with calculating, wary, agitated eyes.

Maybe he just won a match in Mortal Combat, but I think I just won a point in our little unspoken game. I caught him off guard.

"Ash, where's your room?" I grunt out once I stop next to her.

She looks at me, surprised as she notices all the bags in my hands. "Oh, Vi," she says softly. "Don't worry about those, I'll grab them in a minute. Get Lar to take you on a tour of the suite though! We have a balcony." She wiggles her eyebrows then tacks on a few more words as she looks past me and her happy expression turns to the glare. "A balcony that Sal should be smoking on instead of on the white fucking couch."

I can just feel Sally rolling his eyes.

His problem, not mine.

So I drop my bags, choosing to listen to Ash once the weight becomes a bit uncomfortable, and I turn my back to her and Todd, walking a little closer to Larry and Sal. I don't get too close though-- not with Sally's unpredictable temper.

Larry stands up and meets me halfway to the couch, wrapping me up in a huge hug that sweeps me off my feet. He swings me around and I giggle wildly, a smile forming on my face even though I try to will it away. But then he sets me back on my feet and takes a step a way.

"Twirl for me," Larry says, eyes narrowing slyly.

My brows furrow as I tilt my head a bit. "I don't even have a skirt," I tell him warily.

"But you have a fantastic figure." He shrugs like it's common knowledge. "Just twirl for me."

I watch him, debating in my mind. I could twirl— I mean, it's just me spinning. That's all it is. No big deal. But, again with the anxiety, I absolutely cannot get myself to do that.

So I blink and follow up the action with a bland, "No."

Larry pouts at me, but doesn't take that as an answer. He simply walks closer to me, grabs my hand, and spins me around slowly. He nods appreciatively and I suddenly feel like some kind of doll on display. A mannequin, maybe.

"Mhm, mhm," he says contemplatively once the spin is over with and I've taken a quick and shy step away. I put my head down and pull at the end of my shirt, hoping this situation is over with soon. Larry is too hot and I'm way too damn not. "I can't believe you're walking out here with that thang thangin' like that," he adds.

My head snaps up to Larry and my jaw just about drops. Did I really hear that right?

"Motherfucker," comes Sal's exasperated voice. I turn my head over my shoulder, noting the smoke billowing around his face, and then his narrowed eyes that are zoned in on Larry. Then, he tilts his head back and groans.

When Sally sits up again, he gestures a hand over at Ash and Todd and nearly yells his next words. "This asshole is fucking twitterpated!"

The word 'twitterpated' leaving Sally Face's mouth makes me almost double over with laughter. Honestly, this entire situation is bound to put me on my knees at some point.

I look over at Larry again as a giggle slips past my lips.

But Larry isn't amused, at least, he isn't showing it. A frown is marring his features and his brows are set in an angry glare that's centered on Sally. "Hey!" He all but bellows, making me flinch. Damn, he's got a powerful voice. "You fucking leave Bambi out of this!"

What in the shit is going on?

I watch as Sal and Larry throw out random Disney inspired threats and insults at each other back and forth, all the way up until Todd and Ash start to lift their heads and glance this way. And meanwhile, I'm caught in the splash zone simply because Larry just needed me to twirl and Sally couldn't help but call him twitterpated because of it.

At this point, I'm glaring into the back of Ash's head and praying she assesses this situation or breaks it up or... fuck, just that she does something. I can't do anything. I don't have the balls to step in nor do I want to.

But as I wait some more and the situation between Larry and Sally grows a lot louder, I wonder if maybe something else has spurred this argument. Maybe it's not as shallow as it was made to be.

Because Larry is in Sally's face, towering over him with harsh words and a mean expression to go with it. And Sally matches him head on with crossed arms and a glare in his pretty blue eyes, waiting for the taller man to finish talking about how Mulan could've squared Sal's ass up easily.

I absolutely agree, but that's not the point.

Is there something going on between them? Why else would they argue so horrendously? Fuck, have they always been this way? Because this isn't what I've seen online. In fact, I've never seen them act this way. Ever.

My breath catches in my throat as I glance between Larry and Sally, wondering what on earth has them so on edge. I feel... I'm scared. No one's stepping in to split them up and if fists start flying or their friendship ends, I'm going to feel guilty. Not that I am guilty, but hell. Everyone's standing around and watching like this is normal. And I'm definitely not a fan of aggressive arguing. I watched Mom and Dad do that enough to last me a lifetime.

I watch as Sal takes a quick step forward, his chest bumping into Larry's stomach (since Larry is a giant). It was supposed to be intimidating, but he looks like a little kitten beneath Larry. I almost giggle, but then the smaller man speaks.

It's aggressive, it's frustrated, and it's rushed. "Tiana wants her fucking hands back," he screams, voice deeper than I've ever heard it.

"What hands!?" Larry claps back, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. He looks appalled. "She's a fucking frog!"

"Exactly!" Sally exclaims, hands thrown up in exasperation.

And it makes no sense. I don't know what the guy was going for and I don't think Larry knows either. Truth be told, I think they're both a little shocked at the ridiculousness of that last, indecipherable Disney comeback.

"You know, her friend was pretty hot. The blonde one. Lottie," Larry murmurs softly after a moment, his face blank.

Seriously. What the fuck is going on between these two?

Sally's eyes light up as a muffled chuckle comes from his direction— his unmistakable, heart stuttering chuckle. "I know right?" He replies.

I'm stunned, lips parted and eyes wide as I watch both men launch into a discussion on why Lottie was the ultimate girlfriend, but how Tiana tops her all the way when it comes to taking charge, relationship equality, and moral support.

Should I even question anything at this point?

"Vi," I turn to Larry upon hearing my name and a spark of aggravation electrifies my body when Sally groans at the mention of me. "Lottie or Tiana?"

"Uh," I start, glancing between the two men. Do I have to watch what I say? I don't feel like getting dragged into an argument nor do I feel like taking my anger out in Sally. I'm just not in the mood... unless he gets me in the mood. That's different. "Can't I have both? Lottie and Tiana both have fantastic qualities."

"He asked for one or the other, not both." Sally replies, voice monotonous.

"You didn't specify that, so I asked," I snap, taking a breath to try and quell the brewing frustration in my bones. Why does he have to attach his dumb input on everything I say?

"Oh," Sally laughs humorlessly and tilts his head at me. "I get it now. So you're just an idiot then."

I swallow down the urge to gouge his eyes out for a moment, trying to get a grip on reality and the fact that gouging out his eyes would get me arrested. But the longer I look at his smug blue irises, the harder it is to resist temptation.

And then hands land on my shoulders from behind.

"I'm coming save the day since Todd and I have figured out our next two days," she says with a little breath. "Now leave my girl alone, will you?" she calls to the two men in front of us. "Why can't she be everyone's girl?" Larry huffs, crossing his arms with a little pout on his lips.

Ash doesn't bother answering him, simply rolls her eyes and turns to me. "Are you hungry?" she asks, walking toward the little kitchenette in the suite. "We probably have some leftovers, snacks..." she trails off as she opens a mini fridge. "And we definitely have alcohol," she murmurs next. I can't help but giggle a bit at that.

"Um," I start, closing in on myself when a gust of never-ending air hits me dead in the face. That's some powerful air-conditioning but it's way to cold in this room for all that. "I don't want to eat anyone's leftovers. I'll just get something when we go out later."

"We don't care," Todd says from the dining table, so I turn to him while rubbing my arms. "Honestly. None of us are going to eat the rest, so take what you want."

"Are you sure--" I start to say, but then Sally cuts me off.

"Don't eat my shit," he yells from the sofa, watching me with narrowed eyes.

I purse my lips and hold back a really vile retort. "If y'all are housing macaroni and chicken strips, I don't care who it belongs to," I reply. "I'll eat it anyway." I add quietly, sucking in a breath as I walk toward Ash as the cool air starts to become unbearable.

I lean down next to Ash to look into the refrigerator when Sally's running up beside us and shoving me back. "What kind of freaky fuckery are you up to?" he scoffs, grabbing a to-go plate of... oh crap. "I said to leave my food alone, you damn hog," he all but sneers before kicking the fridge door closed behind him.

Okay, so it was freaky. I somehow managed to correctly predict his leftovers of macaroni and chicken strips... but how the fuck was I supposed to know that he was a fan of my favorite meal too?  "I'm not a hog, you mannerless mongrel," I snarl back, directing my glare at the asshat just as he sticks his leftovers into the microwave. 

Sally punches in his time, then slowly turns his head to look at me. The meticulous way he moves his head makes me feel starstruck for a moment. His cerulean hair billowing in the strong air circulating in the room, his pretty fingers wrapped around a brand new can of Dr. Pepper that he grabbed with his food, and his neck tattoo on full, beautiful display.

He practically glows in any light, but when he's stuck up and far too confident, he glows most. He's also hella infuriating.

"You're the hoggiest hog I've ever seen," he says, like that's something he spits out every damn day. "And I'm absolutely a mannerless mongrel, but women dig that so I don't see the problem." A ridiculous sound of disapproval leaves my throat as I glare at him. But Sally doesn't say a word or acknowledge me anymore. He just grabs his food, tips his can of Dr. Pepper towards me, then walks back to the sofa and proceeds to light another cigarette. It's hot. But I'll never admit that. I'll ignore it for now. I'll let it go until I have the right moment to let out all my frustrations. Then he'll realize I am not to be fucked with--

--or he'll just fuck with me more. With a sigh that's meant to try and calm me a bit, I bend down and reopen the refrigerator. I grab a plate of what looks like lemon pesto pasta and start piling it onto a plate to heat it up. "I'm eating someone's pasta," I announce, "Take it from me now or forever hold your peace."

"That's mine," Todd says. He raises a hand, never looking up from his laptop screen. "Please eat it. It'll just rot otherwise."

I hold up the plate in a bit of a salute before putting into the microwave. "Sounds good to me. I love leftovers." But then my arms grow cold again. My small argument with Sal heated me up for a moment, but it's over now and I'm freezing again.

"Ash," I murmur, leaning toward my friend. "Can I borrow a hoodie or something? It might as well be snowing in here. I know you're all hot, but I thought that stopped at looks."

Ash scrunches her brows together at my last comment, but I just grin, waiting for her to get it. And she does-- shows that she understands by pinching my cheeks and smiling widely. I giggle with her before she breaks away. "Yea, there's a hoodie around here somewhere, Vi," she says, walking toward Todd who holds up a black hoodie. "And that was the best pickup line I've ever heard. Where'd you get that one from?"

"My brain," I tell her with a shrug before pulling my food out of the microwave.

I look up just in time for Ash to chuck the hoodie toward me. I catch it, folding it over my arm for a second as I place my food on the cabinet.

I spread the hoodie out and look at the front of it. It's a Breaking Benjamin hoodie. One from their Phobia album. It takes everything in me to not start bouncing around with joy.

I don't ask any questions, I just happily put it on and try not to squeal when it fits me perfectly. Fuck, I might ask if I can take this home with me.

For most of the day, I lounge around in Ash and I's shared room. She and I get dressed and she does my make up (after locking the door to stop anyone from walking in and discovering me, of course). 

At about 4:30 in the afternoon, the group of us are getting ready to head out to the concert and I can practically feel my soul shaking. 

I'm in the most basic of outfits when I walk out of Ash's room to meet up with Larry, Sally, and Todd-- that grey Nirvana shirt, a black skirt, and fishnets underneath. But it works. I still have the hoodie on though. I might as well keep it on for the night.

I wait by the door as everyone gathers their things. They all look equally as lavish and delectable tonight, as always. But Sally glances to me when he walks out of his room, then looks away. He's looking nice too-- not that I'm surprised. Black jeans and a white Ice Nine Kills shirt.

His gaze cuts to me quickly, eyes narrowed as he looks over me from head to toe. My fawning gets cut off by the wild look in his blue eyes and I hold my breath while red flags start floating around in my brain.

"Where the fuck," he growls out, shaking his head disbelievingly. "did you get my hoodie?" he finishes, voice high pitched and and full of anger.

My blood runs cold. This jacket will never be warm enough to melt the ice that forms in my veins once I realize what he's just said.

No wonder it fit so perfectly-- Sally is the only one that's anywhere close to my size in this room. What the fuck was I thinking? Why didn't I realize sooner? I--

I dip my head down and sniff the collar. Oh, hell. It even smells like him. And I enjoyed every stupid second. Within just a millisecond of finally realizing the severity of this situation, I damn near rip the article of clothing off my body and fast-ball it at Sally who catches it out of instinct, but then immediately drops it like it's burning hot. 

"It touched you!" he screams, looking up at me with wide eyes. "I don't want to fucking touch it!"

"Oh my-- Sally," I ground out from behind clenched teeth. "I don't have cooties. I don't have the fucking plague. Just take your hoodie back before I shove it down your damn throat."

His eyes narrow, animosity swimming in his bright irises. I automatically roll my own eyes. It's like his negative emotions can't take a fucking break.

"You're going to find out how much I'll be able to shove down your throat if you keep this shit up," he snarks. "How did you even get my damn hoodie?"

"It's not even my fault," I laugh bitterly, stretching my arms out in a come-at-me-bitch motion. "If you'd take a second and let me explain, you'd know that. But no, you're a damn wall and don't give a fuck about anyone other than yourself."

I hear him huff out a breath, and then he switches his stance-- goes straight into defense mode. "Oh, yea, bitch? Just who--"

"Can you two cut it out for, like, five seconds?" Ash asks as she walks out of our shared room, a sigh slipping past her glossy lips. 

She's dressed in black ripped jeans and a Dark Autumn Complex merch shirt. She looks so dark and sweet-- such a contrast compared to her usual self.

I mentally count to five in my mind, and the fact that Sal and I have both gone quiet seems to sate Ash. She huffs then plasters a smile on her face.

"Alright, I think it's time to go now--"

But I've reached five and I whip my head to Sal. Shockingly, he does the same.

He and I both start throwing out random, unintelligible insults and I almost laugh over our dynamic. Because, somehow, we both had the same idea to appease Ash with five seconds of silence before jumping into a vocal brawl again.

"Fuck," Ash groans and grabs my hand. She effectively cuts me off by yanking me out the door and nearly dragging me through the hallway behind her. "I can't stand you two together."

"That's what I'm saying," I grumble, glaring at Sal who appears in the hallway next. He matches my glare, but we at least stay quiet now.

I'll absolutely get him again later. I have too much pent up rage to let him go this easy. We take the elevator to the bottom floor— only to realize that we've ended up on the wrong side of the hotel.

Caesar's Palace is giant— so big and confusing that it's impossible to walk through the entire place in just one day. Ash stresses this as we realize we have to parade past the thousands of people littering the casino that separates us from where we need to be.

But it's easier to do it this way than to go around the behemoth building from the outside...

"Sal," Ash calls, head turning over her shoulder to look at the man behind me. "Please, if anyone stops you just let them know we have somewhere to be. Okay?"

I hear a grunt of disapproval from Sally— one that makes Ash frown.

"I can't do that," he grumbles, almost like he's embarrassed to say this. "You know I don't do that."

Ash simply sighs and looks ahead again. "I know," she says softly, sincerely. "It was wrong of me to ask that of you. If any of us get stopped, it's alright. We left early for a reason."

I know Ash is a bit insecure and nervous when it comes to interacting with fans. She loves them, but she's anxious about people flocking around her. She wants to blend in, show her love in a way that won't harm anyone. I get it, but... not everyone else does.

I wish there was a way for her to find a happy medium, but is there ever a way? Everyone's opinion is different. What matters to Ash won't matter to some of her fans. And you can't change a person's opinion. I can only hope that things will become easier for her with time.

Ash takes a breath, then starts walking forward— so the rest of us do too.

We move fast, watching the ceiling signs like hawks so we can navigate our way through this maze of a casino. It's not easy. We follow a direction only to find out we were led the wrong way, then we turn around and start the process all over again. But as we continue, any anxiety is absolutely stomped to hell and replaced with the most apparent disdain I have ever seen.

"Dude, the directions said this way. I don't know what to do," Larry says, completely flabbergasted as we meet a dead end disguised as a bar. Or the other way around. I'm not too sure.

"It wasn't a straight arrow," Sally huffs thoughtfully. "It was diagonal. We went the wrong way— which is what I've been trying to tell you guys." His voice isn't scolding. In fact, it's reassuring. "The signs are right, we're just terrible at reading directions."

Had I met this side of him— the side of Sally that's reassuring, thoughtful, intelligent, and not rolling his eyes at me all the time— our relationship would be much different right now.

But I lose the thought when he and I make eye contact. Because he rolls his eyes at me again and faces another direction, adding the harshness to his voice yet again as he says, "We need to go back to the center. Find the signs again."

"You know," Todd says with a sigh. "I could go ask the security guard right there. He'd tell us where to go."

Todd is on to something, as always. He's going to save the day—

"I absolutely fucking refuse," Larry's proud voice cuts off my thought, "to give into this labyrinth of alcoholic curiosities. This place will never consume me."

I blink. Is this motherfucker serious? "Fuck that," the words leave my mouth without my permission, so I just go with it. "Let's just ask someone."

"Hell no!" Ash exclaims, clapping a hand onto Larry's shoulder with a triumphant grin on her pretty lips. "I'm with Lord Lar on this one. Caesar's Palace will never eat me alive."

"I—" I start, unable to really understand the absurdity of this situation. I mean, come on. Who's this prideful? Not to mention, I've somehow managed to befriend two people who are this prideful. "We—"

"You're talking to a brick wall, dumbass," Sally murmurs behind me as I watch Larry and Ash turn to each other. They start speculating on what to do next.

I have the mindset to ignore Sally for once— my anxiety is a tripwire and I'm so close to hitting it right now. We need to find a way outside of this hotel or I'm going to flip the place upside down. But as I glance over to ask Todd what we should do, I see him conversing with the security guard he had previously mentioned.

Oh, thank God. He's handling the situation.

That means I can handle my lightweight as well.

I whirl around, facing Sally with my arms crossed over my chest. "So you must be the brick wall then, jackass. I can't recall a single time you've listened to me."

Sally scoffs, ring-clad fingers drumming against his biceps as he crosses his arms as well. "I can't recall you ever giving me any sound advice. More importantly, I can't recall ever asking you for advice. So I consider everything you say to be invalid and unworthy input."

Leave it to the hottest and most infuriating guy to piss me off when I think there isn't a single thing on this earth that can distract me from my nervousness. But in all honesty, I'd rather be  angry than nervous.

And I'm angry now.

"Invalid and unworthy?" I ask, my words clipped and aggressive. I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment as his eyes light up. It's like he wants these fights. "I've never heard such a precise description of you in all my life, Sally."

And just like that, the light in his eyes evaporates and gives way to a darkness, one that he doesn't try to fight for long.

He uncrosses his arms and takes a step closer to me. For just a second, my instinct is to cower away. He's looking over me like some kind of monster— something to fear. But then I remember that I can't be afraid of him. I mean, what's there to be afraid of in the first place? I've never seen someone bark so much and never bite.

"You say that as though you're worth so fucking much," he says coldly. "No one even knows your damn name."

"Yet." The word leaves my lips immediately. I don't even think about it; it was instinct. And it worked because Sally narrows his eyes.

But before he can clap back at my "invalid and unworthy input," I see a little hand tap his shoulder from behind. He feels it at the same exact time that I notice it, and our aggressive eye contact softens at the interruption— simply because we have to put on a game face. We don't know who's happened upon us in the middle of an argument.

He spins around and takes a step to the side, unintentionally giving me a view of the two women standing behind him.

Both are short, pretty, and wearing little sashes that say "Birthday Girl" and I can only imagine how much damn fun they're about to have tonight. One has beautiful, natural red hair, while the other has the prettiest, most luscious brown hair.

"Holy crap," one says, bending her knees like she's about to fall, but then she catches herself. She slaps her hands over her mouth and says, "It's Sally Face!"

Sally turns into something I haven't seen before in a moment's notice.

His normal defensive nature is flipped in an instant and I watch the most innocent look envelop his ocean eyes. His entire aura changes into something positively unique and, all over, nice.

His shoulders relax compared to their earlier tense state. His fingers aren't flexed or balled into fists, they're relaxed at his sides and his head is tilted to the side.

Fuck, he looks happy.

"Hey, yea that's me!" He says to the woman who addressed him before glancing over to the other woman with a smile in his eyes. "Happy birthday to the both of you." His words are cheery and sincere and, damn, am I going to get whiplash? No way is this the same guy I've been bickering with for weeks.

"Thank you!" The redhead says, flashing a gorgeous smile— dimples and all. "It's our 21st."

"Really?" Sal says, a tinge of excitement in his voice as he sticks his hands into his pockets. "That's so exciting, especially since you're celebrating in Las Vegas. You guys hit any good bars yet? I'm gonna need some recommendations."

Holy shit? Is this really the Sally Face I know and despise? He's kind right now. He's being so sweet. And he's fantastic at small talk. It feels like he's really interested in what they have to say. I'm not on the receiving end of his words, but his sweet persona makes me feel special. That's how powerful he is in this moment.

"Oh my gosh," the brunette says, resting a hand on Sally's shoulder in excitement. She's eager to give him a good recommendation and it shows in the way her automatic response is physical touch. Honestly, it's adorable. "Yes! There's this restaurant slash bar in Excalibur called 'Dick's.' It's so damn funny." She laughs, pulling her hand away from Sally and looking down at her feet before continuing. "The waiters and waitresses insult you. Like, she and I walked in," she points to herself then to her friend, "and once we were sat down, our waiter came up to us and literally said, 'What you hoes want?'"

Sally laughs, I mean a full on, bent over belly laugh that makes the girls giggle along with him. "Damn, that sounds like a fun place. I'm gonna have to check it out." He pushes a hand through his hair, an action that I pay way too much attention to. "Were the drinks any good?"

The redhead winces. "I mean... I had the most basic drink. It was just a strawberry daiquiri." She shrugs, then leans forward. "But it was really good."

"I had a cosmopolitan. I'm not... sure what's in it," the brunette says sheepishly. She runs her fingers through her hair, an anxiety thing I'm sure.

I want to comfort her— let her know that it's totally okay. None of us know anything the second we try alcohol for the first time. And it seems like this is truly both girls' first times drinking.

But I don't want to butt in on their time with someone they admire. That's just wrong.

"Ah, there's nothing wrong with that," Sally reassures. "I'll be honest, I fucking love daiquiris. They aren't basic. They're delicious. And Cosmopolitans are pretty good too! You both had great picks."

The girls beam excitedly, little blushes enveloping their cheeks. I know the feeling. To be praised and acknowledged and validated by your idol? Absolutely nothing compares to how empowering that is.

"Can you, like, give us a list of drinks to try?" The brunette asks bashfully, kicking the toe of her high-heels against the carpeted floor.

"Yea, absolutely! I don't drink all that much though, so I'm kind of a lousy recommender." He chuckles lightly. "Try a hurricane if you can. It's a daiquiri, just really tasty. Um... lemon drops are pretty good too. Blueberry lemon drops are my favorite. Moscato white wine... a sweet one preferably. Um..." he trails off, covering the mouth of his prosthetic with his hand as he thinks. And dammit, just dammit. I want to give the girls a recommendation too. I want them to have fun while they're here because if they're anything like me, it may be a while until they're able to come back.

The girls smile as Sally sits on his thoughts for a moment longer, and then the redhead glances at me. She still has a sweet smile on her face, but I can see confusion and curiosity there for a moment too. I mean, why am I hanging around there watching them talk to Sally? I just know that's what's going through her head.

And maybe it's shitty of me. I should keep my mouth shut, but I decide to throw in one more drink to the girls. 

"Malibu and pineapple juice," I say softly, entwining my fingers together when an overwhelming wave of anxiety takes hold of me. Fuck, I can't believe I said that. They didn't ask for my recommendations.

Sally's head snaps up, his blue hair in his eyes. But it doesn't hide his eyes enough for me to miss the way they narrow in my direction. And upon noticing that is when a trickle of fear makes its way down my spine.

"Uh, what's Malibu?" The redhead asks me. She tilts her head, thinking about it.

I glance to Sally, note the way his eyes are drilling into me and not in a good way. But then I look back to the redhead who's focus is solely on me in the moment.

"It's coconut rum," I tell her happily, licking my suddenly dry lips. "It goes really well with pineapple juice. I mean, it's one of the best drinks I've ever had. It's like... the opposite of a Cosmopolitan but just as tasty, pretty much." I give them a little smile, wondering if I should apologize for interrupting their conversation.

But the brunette looks over at me with a hesitant smile. Then, she looks at Sally who's unwavering gaze (which is full of animosity) never leaves me. And gears start visibly turning in her area. Until she looks back at me with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"Holy crap," she says enthusiastically, shock sprawled across her freckled face. She's addressed me the same way she addressed Sally. "Don't tell me you're VioletViolence."

I gulp down my instant excitement as well as the nerves slowly building within me. No way this is happening.

After all the times I've been told that no one knows who I am, I started to believe it. But here I am, in the middle of Vegas, with a girl who's just spoken my name without me having to inform her of it.

I suddenly feel alive, like I can feel every little cell that makes up who I am thrumming with happiness and contentment. It's a battle of staying calm and throwing my arms around this poor girl who doesn't know how much she's just changed my life.

But I steel myself— force myself to hold my emotions at bay so I can have my first positive fan interaction.

Hopefully.

I smile at the girls. "Looks like we've got a Todd 2.0 on our hands," I say sweetly. "He guessed me right away too." Suddenly, both girls flock to me and I nearly regret it. I just stole Sally's thunder... and he's definitely going to show me just how fucked this is later. For fuck's sake.

"Oh my gosh!" The brunette says, hanging off of my shoulder. "I can't believe you and Sally are both here-- and alone at that! But to be honest, I was really hoping the animosity between you two was a farce the whole time because I love both of you so much so this just makes the little arguments even better since I know they're fake now." My mouth gapes as I look down at the girl wrapped around my arm excitedly. I should tell her the truth, she deserves to know that, even now, Sal and I are more than pissed about being stuck together. That every argument we've had thus far has been very real. 

But the happy, glistening smile on her face makes me hesitate, and I only gape at her some more while the redhead hangs back a bit and bounces on her toes excitedly while watching my every move.

I can't make myself say it. I can't get the truth out.

Sally's next to me all of a sudden, and I look up at him. He has the world's most vicious glare in his eyes, but only I can tell-- because it quickly changes into a grinning gaze as he throws an arm around my shoulders and looks between both girls.

He gives my neck a squeeze, and somehow, I interpret that as a sign to keep my mouth shut on the truth behind this topic. 

But his warm arm wrapped around me makes me tense up. No matter how angry he makes me, his skin on mine and any little bit of proximity we have makes me go crazy. Unintentional butterflies are making me nauseous, my cheeks are hot, and my heart is stuttering in my chest while my thoughts run rampant. It's a mix of confusion and questions and absolute anarchy.

Then he slams his other hand on top of my head and ruffles my hair. 

"Yep, all a farce. I can very much stand this bitch," he says cheerily to the girls, tacking on a little giggle that makes me want to punch him in his prosthetic face so hard that it actually manages to somehow hurt him.

Fuck butterflies. What the fuck is he trying to do? I can't tell. And all I'm getting out of this is extreme fucking anger. He really has the audacity to call me a bitch in front of both our fans?

The brunette's eyes light up and she backs away from me, grabbing onto her friend instead with exhilaration glittering in her eyes. They both squeal for a minute, then watch me expectantly.

So, how do I put my game face on? We're killing this situation with a mix of a lie and honesty-- so surely I can do the same.

I grab onto the jaw of Sal's prosthetic and jiggle his head around aggressively before putting my cheek against his. "This little shit eater is just so easy to be around. You have no idea," I chirp, going as far as to begrudgingly squeeze closer to him and shut my eyes as I slap a smile onto my face.

And then the rage is gone. I've gotten my revenge and I can already smell the way he's about to yank himself away from me and start screaming. It's going to be fucking epic.

But he doesn't pull away, just puts the hand that was resting on my shoulder onto the side of my face and uses it to keep me pressed to his side. 

I didn't expect that.

The smile drops from my lips for a moment, but I quickly throw it back on, no matter how hard it is. 

Sal's thumb is pressed against the corner of my lips, almost like the placement was thoughtful. Like he meant to put his finger there. But the contact also has me faltering a bit-- and the sudden tummy butterflies and excitement I convinced myself were misplaced feelings just moments ago nearly overpowers the instant anger taking over my body, but it doesn't. Thank God it doesn't.

"Aw, thanks Vi! So are you. You're constant bitching and chihuahua-like yapping just lights up the darkest of my days," he answers, but his voice is so happy that it seems more bitter than anything. 

His thumb brushes over my bottom lip and I nearly topple over at the contact. His skin is soft and the way he touches such a sensitive, hyper-aware, and intimate part of me makes me wonder what it is he's trying to do again. 

Clearly, he doesn't want our fans to know that our constant bickering and aggression is real, but then he's letting it slip through anyway. And he definitely did not need to touch me to make his excuses seem more plausible, and yet, he did.

Is he... is he trying to... fuck, is he trying to get clout off of this?

"You shouldn't have, Sally! Your shitty attitude and God's-gift-to-women persona is just so inspiring," I bite out, trying to keep positive sounding tones to my voice, though it's proving to be harder with each passing second. But this time, I try to separate myself from him. I don't want to be some publicity stunt for him because there's no way I'll be able to do this bullshit again for fans. I won't say a word about the truth of our weird relationship, but I'm not going to let him hang on me like we're besties because he thinks it'll gain some traction.

I really don't understand what's going on here. At all. And yea, I should expect everything when it comes to Sally, but this one hurts a bit.

I feel a bit better when Sally cuts his gaze to me, malice swirling in his icy irises. And then, he all but shoves me off of him. 

I try not to stagger away from him with the girls standing right in front of us, so I catch myself quickly and stick close to his side-- still trying to sell this bullshit he's yanked me into.

"Would you guys like a picture or something?" Sally asks them, his sickly sweet voice nearly knocking me over again. 

"Oh, yes, we'd love one with both of you if that's possible!" The redhead says, bounding a little closer to us, bouncing on her toes some more. She's adorable. 

"Absolutely, it would be our pleasure," I say as kindly as possible. These two girls fill my heart with joy-- not so much Sally, but he doesn't matter all that much when these two sweet ladies have just changed my life.

The brunette turns to Sally while the redhead looks for someone to take the picture for her. 

"Would you sign my phone case?" she asks sheepishly, wincing a bit. "It's about all I've got that's, like, sign-able."

Sally chuckles and takes her outstretched phone. "Of course. I'll sign anything," he tells her. It's so odd to see him acting this way.

But then I remember that he was this way with me once too. He was kind like this. He was gentle like this. He was actually enjoyable and even stole my heart for a moment or two.

Maybe he really isn't that bad. He and I just have some qualms-- and I don't know what those qualms are, but if we actually have a conversation, I think we could become friends. I'm willing to put everything aside.

Sally takes the small iPhone in his hands, flipping it over to show the clear case. His black fingernails are a contrast to the pastel yellow of the phone and his veiny hands are ridiculously noticeable in the low casino lighting. And not to mention, the light reflects off his metal rings and makes them glow-- it seems otherworldly, which only adds o the mystical, mysterious, and unique air about him.

I watch a light pink paint the brunette's cheeks just as I feel my own heat up. How embarrassing.

So I turn to look at my feet just as the redhead finds a couple to take our photo and has a quick chat with them, then they begin walking toward us.

"What's your name?" Sally mumbles as he fishes a random sharpie out of his pocket. Does he just carry that around everywhere? Holy hell, my heart is going to beat out of my chest-- he cares this much for his fans. I don't care how infuriating he is, that is just too adorable.

Okay, y/n. Don't lose sight of the truth. You hate Sal Fisher right now-- you hopefully won't in the future, but you definitely do right now. He can be hot, but you absolutely cannot fawn over him.

"Oh," The brunette perks up and glances at Sally's face for a moment. "My name's Lexi."

I stop breathing. My stomach falls straight out of my ass. And I suddenly feel like I'm going to vomit.

What are the damn chances?

I watch the moment the name resonates within Sal. I'm hoping he doesn't recognize it, just sees it as another name, but he actually flinches. A wave of recognition flits through his gaze as he snaps his head up to examine the girl closely. 

"Shit," he breathes, the word so quiet that the girl, Lexi as we now fucking know, asks him what he just said.

Sally shakes his head and throws a smile on his face if the crinkling of his eyes tells me anything. But there's still some kind of lingering emotion, something that looks a lot like guilt. 

"Sorry," he says to her then scribbles something else onto the phone case and hands it back to her. "Just recalling a friend I have. Her name is Lexi too." His voice comes out a little softer than usual, like he's reminiscing.

It's damn hard to keep my gaze directed past Sally and Lexi and not directly on them. I so desperately want to gauge his reaction and make sure he doesn't catch onto me. I'm scared. Horrified, really. 

This is the first time I've heard him mention Lexi. I'm actually shocked that he's talking about her at all, and that terrifies me even more.

"Wow," Lexi says, moving in next to him as her friend finally reaches us. "What a coincidence," she continues as Sal tucks her into his side, putting an arm around her shoulder and holding her close.

Sally smiles down at her then motions over to the other girl, opening his free arm up for her.

She happily skips over to him, scooting in beside him like it's natural for her. And truth be told, just the sight of the three of them together makes me happy. Everyone is content in this little picture.

But then the redhead looks to me. And she smiles so brightly that my knees nearly buckle. "Come on," she says, but hesitates after a moment. "Well, unless you don't want to anymore. I'm sorry, that was--"

I launch into a speedwalk toward them and curse quietly. "Oh, no, sweetheart," I try to reassure her. "I was stuck in my head for a minute. I don't mind a picture at all." I smile at her then wrap my own arm around her shoulder.

The second my arm settles right on top of Sally's, we both look up at each other-- a mix of fury and shock mingling in the air between us. My skin tingles from the warmth of his arm and it takes every bit of my dignity to not grab onto Sal whenever he rips his arm away from me, switching sides with Lexi so both girls can be between us.

We take a picture with both girls. They suggest a couple different poses, and Sally and I manage to laugh together over some of the stuff we do, but then Lexi and her other sweet friend, who we've discovered is named Kennedy, are leaving us to what we were previously doing.

All of the sweet things I'd witnessed within the past few minutes, all of the kindness and loving embraces-- all of it is washed down the drain the second Lexi and Kennedy turn a corner and are no longer in our sight.

Todd is talking with Ash and Larry at a slot machine, but Sally's whirling on me with the most hate I've ever seen him bear. 

"You fuck up absolutely everything," he snarls, taking a step toward me, and then another. Menacing, dangerous. And I nearly take a step back as terror sweeps through me, but I hold my own somehow. What helps is that I'm appalled at his claim that I fuck everything up. I've never done anything wrong.

He takes a deep breath, shuts is eyes in an attempt to calm himself, but then he groans frustratedly and looks into my eyes again. His gaze makes me flinch, and he notices, and fuck, he's got a lot against me right now and it's actually... I'm kind of scared.

"You can't just keep your mouth shut?" he whisper-yells, gesturing a hand out behind us. "Had you shut the fuck up for once, I wouldn't have had to lie. Clearly you don't know a thing about me-- but I will do everything I can for them. For my fans. Even if that means lying. But I don't want to fucking lie, and now you've made me do just that."

He's so angry and speaking so fast that his breath is coming out in pants and all I'm good for right now is sitting there and taking it. His words cut deeper than they should and I genuinely don't think I could stop him even if I wanted to. Lucky for both of us, I guess, I'm at a loss for words.

"And on top of forcing both of us into a lie," he continues, tilting his head in a threatening way. "I just remembered that you screwed up a lot for me and I'm only just realizing." He laughs humorlessly. 

Is he talking about Lexi? Me? Because if he is, that's all his doing.

I'm about to say that, but I think better of it. That would give me away. Worse, I shouldn't interrupt his little temper tantrum right now. I'll hit him where it hurts later, but for now, this is what's best. Even if it physically pains me to shut my damn mouth.

So much for trying to become friends with him.

"I can't believe some of the things I've said and done with you. More specifically, the fact that I just about fucked you over a phone call," he takes another step. Sal is suddenly so close that the tips of our noses-- prosthetic and mask-- brush together for just a fraction of a second.

And then his cool fingers are gripping my chin tightly, almost painfully. But instead of scaring me like it's meant to, a wave of warmth rushes through me. And I have to gulp down whatever physical reaction I almost instinctually act on.

I can feel his rings against my skin, the anger seeping through his cold fingertips and into my body, the tips of his fingernails digging into my jaw.

I find myself holding my breath again at his words and our proximity. I know I claimed that I didn't care f he kept his word, but now that he's regretting our little nighttime call and actually touching me at this exact moment, I think I'm about to be a little disappointed.

He would've been a good hate fuck.

"So don't expect shit from me. Because I'm better than you. And I deserve better than whatever kind of half-assed pleasure I was looking for in you." 

The words hit me straight in the gut, digging into me like a sharp sword that just keeps getting twisted. At the same exact time, he rips his hand away from me and takes a step away.

All of the insecurities I've been squashing down since last night rush to the surface. All of the hurt, all of the jealousy, all of the anxiety. Every single bit of it, even the parts I thought I managed to conquer.

I can't help but fold in on myself when Sally looks past me and then moves around my stunned body to reconvene with The Faces.

I stand there for a moment. I just stand with my arms wrapped around my middle, hugging myself since no one else can right now.

Sally and I's entire situation is less than ideal and we insult each other back to back with the intention of pissing each other off, but this is different. This wasn't him trying to make me angry, he was intentionally trying to beat me down. And now, I'm expected to stand around with him all night and act like what he just told me didn't tear me right open. 

It's not him, it's just the words specifically. I couldn't care less about who said them to me. But they were said. And one of my beliefs that I've never given up is that everything that's spoken has some kind of truth to it.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I pull it out as I bite into my cheek, trying to calm my racing heart and numb limbs.

When I lift the screen to my face, I see an unknown number and immediately scrunch my eyebrows. That's weird.

But then I see the text.

Unknown hey lexi, it's sal i know i never texted and i'm really sorry could we talk later?

My breath catches in my throat and I can't help but spin around to where my friends are standing. And there's Sally, looking down at his phone and tapping his fingers against the back of it. But then he quickly shoves it into his pocket and turns back to Ash, Larry, and Todd.

I really don't understand with him.

He's forgotten about Lexi this entire time and blames me for it. Why?

There's something weird going on with him and I don't know if I want to find out what that is or not.

___________________

A/N:::::::::: I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN MISSING FOR SO LONG :((((((

i hated being away just as much as you guys have, but it couldn't be helped. on top of finals and the end of the semester, i also took a trip to las vegas and got to visit all the places i've been writing about! it was so amazing! so while i've been missing, my time hasn't been spent in vain. i've been researching and getting SUPER crunk in casino's ;)

but i'm home now and finally putting out this chapter! she's EXTRA long and she's mainly filler, but things will be getting spicy soon. and i am BURSTING with excitement over it :3 so stay tuned!

as always, i love you all with my entire being. thank you for being here. have a wonderful morning/day/afternoon/night! <333

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Part 4

"Come in. Make yourself at home. Want a beer?"

Evan walks in behind me "Should I take my shoes off?"

"Only if you want to" I call from the kitchen.

Evan walks into the kitchen. I have the fridge open "I have bud light or I have some crafty shit. Or I have wine, water, soda" I step away from the opening of the fridge as if to say have a look for yourself.

He takes the door and bends over looking at what I have. I put my keys and purse on the table. I ask him to grab me a diet Pepsi while he's in there please.

He hands me a diet and he's holding an IPA in the other hand.

"I hate beer. I usually end up accumulating whatever my friends leave behind. So have anything you want. I'm a "go in my fridge* kind of person so help yourself."

"Aww thank you" Evan smiles at me.

Evan pulls a chair out at my dining table and sits. I follow suit. I take my shoes off and drop them on the floor and then sit crosslegged in my seat.

I catch him staring at me. "You seem pretty laid back. Kinda my vibe too" he says.

"I'd like to think I am. I get kinda flustered with myself sometimes. I'm like hard on myself. But like I said I don't offend easily. I love dark or crude humor. Did you ever watch that show Bones?..."

"Oh yea..."

" I can watch that shit while I'm eating. I'm not queasy about much. I listen to metal..."

"When it's a mood or just in general?"

"No, just in general" I laugh. Evan chuckles

"I wouldn't guess that about you" Evan looks amused.

"I get that a lot. My bubbly personality is as real as it can get. I definitely have never been fake. I can't stand that about people. So, maybe that's why people are surprised I have an edgier side than what they see."

Evan's eyes get soft and a little darker. "I could get used to that about you, for sure." He says. His voice is low and soft.

"Well, what about you. What would surprise me?"

"Well, I've played the guitar and piano since I was a kid. I like to sing. Love karaoke"

"Oh I love karaoke too. We should go sometime. Love that you play guitar. That's kinda hot" I say it in a joking way, but I'm completely serious. "You obviously are very talented in many ways"

He gives me a shy laugh. He shivers.

"I have a heated blanket on my couch. Want to find something on TV?" I ask.

We walk into the living room

"You have your house set up beautifully" Evan compliments me.

"Oh thanks. I have done a lot of decorating"

He sits on the couch and I grab the blanket and plug it in. Then I spread it out and get on the couch and cover us with it. "I will set the heat on light. If you don't warm up let me know"

I end up sitting close to him. He doesn't mind. In fact he puts his arm around me and I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?" I say to him

"What?"

"Would it be weird to turn Dahmer on? You have me intrigued. If it's uncomfortable for you just say no. I will understand."

He thinks for a long minute. I'm about to tell him it's ok when he speaks. "Sure. If I can tell you if it's too much."

"Oh, of course. Just tell me."

I turn it on. As we watch I am glued to the TV. I'm on the edge of my seat through the first episode. When they show the head in the fridge I gasp and say that's so fucked up and grab his knee. He laughs. When the episode ends I turn it off. I turn to him.

"Holy shit, Evan. No wonder you won a freaking Golden Globe. You're amazing. That's only the first episode." I sit back staring into space.

I know he's staring at me because I can feel his breath on my hair.

"Thanks" he suddenly speaks.

When I turn to him he kisses me softly. I pull back and smile.

"Let's see what's on. Tell me if you see anything you want to watch" I say.

We settle on a game show. Some fluff that we are only half watching. We resume our position on the couch. My head on his shoulder. The sexual tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I wonder if he feels it too.

I can hear his heart beating fast. He puts his hand on mine. I lift my face to his neck and I can smell his cologne. It's intoxicating.

"You smell good" I whisper in his ear. I run my nose up his neck and I nibble on his ear. He lets out a soft whimper. "Is this ok?" I whisper. He nods his head yes. I kiss behind his ear and then his jawline and then down his neck. He lets out a small grunt and his leg shifts. With the blanket still on us I touch his leg and as I'm kissing on his neck, my hand keeps climbing higher up his thigh. I feel his heart pace quicken. It's beating hard and I can see it through his shirt.

My hand finds his erection through his jeans and I palm it with my hand and gently squeeze. This produces a sharp sigh. Before I go further I whisper "you can tell me to stop" and he replies "please don't"

I lay my head back on his shoulder and my hand finds his button and zipper as I undo his jeans. I tuck my hand in the band of his boxers and I find his erection with my bare hand. Skin to skin. He groans. Then he shimmies down a bit to give me better access. I rub a few times and he moves to pull his jeans down. He leaves his boxers on.

I start kissing on his jaw again. Making my way towards his neck. My hand is rubbing his penis through the fabric of his boxers. He sighs. He's looking straight ahead, but I can see his eyes close. His head tilts back as I reach inside his boxers again. This time I start gently rubbing on the tip of his penis. Precum coating my fingers. I wrap my hand around his shaft and start tugging. His body stiffens slightly and he groans. "Feel good?" I ask and he nods again.

"Relax, evan. You can have anything you want" I say

"Faster" is all he replies. So my hand goes faster. "Ooohh that's the stuff" he says breathless.

I change it up a bit and this time I take my fingertips and place them on the spot below the head and my thumb in the back and I start rubbing that spot in circles. Slow then quickly. Slow again then quickly. I repeat this pattern until his legs start getting shifty.

"Tell me what you need, Evan" I whisper in his ear.

"Just like that. Please." He whispers back.

He turns his head towards me and I sit up to meet our foreheads. I keep the pattern fast then quick. Fast then quick. He's pressing his head against mine. His breathing increases. His curls are soft. I want to cuddle him.

"Please. It's almost there" when he speaks his voice is gritty and lustful. "Fast. Just fast. Please, baby"

I start to rub the spot as fast as I can. He throws the blanket off of us. His hard purple cock in my hand. The tip is wide. He's about to blow. His groans start building. Soft to loud and then he explodes. He presses his forehead to mine again as he screams my name. I can feel his cum hitting my hand. His breath smells sweet. His forehead sweaty. His scent is still intoxicating to me. When he finishes he has a hard time catching his breath. I move my head to pepper his forehead with soft kisses. I tell him to hold on and I run to the hallway bathroom and grab a hand towel. I came back and help him clean up. He takes my hand and wipes it with the towel.

"I'm sorry for the mess" he says. His eyes are sleepy

"Hey, baby. Don't be sorry. I made it too." And kiss his cheek.

He lays his head back on my couch "I can't move" he says.

"You don't have to go anywhere until you're ready. Just relax sweetheart." I help him with his pants and when he seems comfortable again, I cover us back up.

"Let's do karaoke tomorrow night" he says as his eyes close. We fall asleep in each other's arms.

🥹

[kaijuconfessions]

alright here's one: i get so genuinely fed up and pissed off when people or media try to make big deals about "making up" or letting go of "grudges" in regards to abusive family like it's a one size fits all shoe, like not saying that it doesnt work since im sure for some people it does help!! but i hate when it gets branded as like some cure all

im currently live with my dad and it's been the best decision in my entire life since we were both abused by my mom, although i got more of it since my dad left when i was a teenager (not that i hold it against him, he was on the verge of suicide bc of how stressful she made everything) which to give a vague idea of how bad the abuse was, my siblings should have been taken out of that house a LONG time by cps but due to all the failures of the system we weren't

to give a laundry list of all the shit she did to us (not all of these happened to me specifically but happened to my siblings)

• took our birthday money and sold our birthday presents to buy herself drugs (i think hers was either meth or heroin, all i know is it came in needles)

• physically pushed around and slapped us (one time when my mom was very mad at me about my hair [i am afab and i wanted short hair] she pushed me into a bathtub and i hit my head against the wall of the tub)

• sold our possessions for gambling and drug money

• call us fat disgusting worthless ect. told us we were going to hell once for lying about something we didn't even lie about

• throw dishes at us

• idk ab my siblings but made me babysit her drug friends kids and instead of me getting paid she took my money

• yelled at us when we didn't do chores and when we did chores (i now have a chronic fear of cleaning and being yelled at for it :) )

• locked food in a vanity and made us pay for it

alot of it had to do with money now that i think about it

but idk why people expect me to talk to and even forgive this sort of behavior like, idc if she was on drugs or mentally ill- im mentally ill and id fucking kill myself before id exhibit any of that type of downright sick and exploitive behavior. like don't get it wrong, i WANT her to get better and to be happy and find peace in her life, I just refuse to be apart of it since every step of the way where i had tried to support her bettering herself (which is very hard to do as a minor) she has stepped on my toes without learning or even saying sorry

unrelated but i also hate it when people accuse me of lying about this shit, like idk how to politely communicate "fuck off, this is my life and you have no place saying it's not real because you weren't there to personally see it" since i recently had to deal with an asshole calling bs on my trauma

like i said im in my 20s now and living with my dad since i refuse to see or contact her, which is one of the best decisions in my life since every moment that i was with her i just wanted to truly die, and it has give me my new mindset which is i just refuse to put up with bullshit or people who won't support me since I can't be bothered to put change into a vending machine that doesn't work

tldr: i hate when "making up and forgiving abusive family" gets branded as some ultimate cure to family dysfunctions by people and media, not that its bad, it just doesn't work for everyone

Holy shit I’m glad you’re out of that situation

[maplehazelnut]

Goodness gracious... Following trans folks means unfortunately coming across terf shit that they're debunking/arguing over and like. I knew terf shit was bad but oh my god it's so bad. I scrolled a terf blog for like an hour in like a recon type way and it just kept getting worse. There was nothing redeeming about it. I am so mind boggled at the hate needed to have these beliefs. And like! Im a cis woman! I know that misogyny sucks! I know what it's like to have a man think so little of you and be bold enough to joke about it to your face! But punching down is not the answer. Hating the same ppl as the men who hurt you hate is not the progressive helpful thing to do here! It is not brave or new or interesting. It's just hate.

Idk, bc I'm cis, there are ALWAYS going to be things I can't relate to or understand about the trans experience. But holy shit. You don't have to understand someone to love them, to believe they deserve compassion and rights and to fucking exist. I take trans folks at face value what they say they are and I move on with my life!!!

Personally, I don't like to shave and I hate wearing makeup and I can't wear heels - the small taste of bullshit I get for these simple things... Like, that's so so so much less than trans folks have to face and it already sucks. I try to put myself in their shoes and come away from it awed at the bravery it takes to be yourself when the world tells you not to be.

And here terfs go simplifying it down to what's in your pants. As if it's EVER been simple. Or binary. As if the vast spectrum of human expression ever fit in a box in the first place. We are all just people trying to figure out who we are, what makes our hearts feel right, what makes our bones feel like it's okay to settle...

I dunno, fuck terfs and their broken rhetoric. It is the opposite of the compassion we are supposed to have for our fellow humans.

[sweeterthansammy]

Rough Rider || Bucky Barnes

Biker!Bucky Barnes x Female [Romanoff] biker!Reader; The reader is Bucky’s love interest.

Summary: In which Bucky finds interest in a biker chick.

Genre: Smut

Written in third person point of view.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, public sex, sex on a motorbike, mild choking, fingering, unprotected sex, overstimulation, dirty talk, mild language, and Bucky’s infatuation with a woman that knows how to ride a motorbike :)

Word count: 3.1k+

A/N: Kinda proud of this one 🥲

Important notes: The reader is Nat’s cousin. The reader is at least 21. I know jackshit about motorbikes and models so bear with me. Song used in fic: R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys. Not BETA’d - all mistakes are mine.

Bucky entered the compound with a wolf whistle, his gloved hand pointing at one of the floor-to-ceiling windows as he approached the kitchen.

“Whose Harley is that out front?” he asked, completely disregarding Y/N who sat at the island, popping a cherry into her mouth.

“Mine,” she muttered, tongue swiping out of her mouth to lick the red juice trickling down her bottom lip.

Bucky looked from Natasha to Y/N, mesmerized by her E/C eyes and the way they basically pierced right into his. He looked back at Nat, silently asking “who’s she?”

“Y/N, this is Bucky, a complete delinquent that’s best friends with Steve. Buck, meet Y/N, my cousin who serves as a sister more or less.”

Y/N stood, a little black dress clinging to her figure, a leather jacket covering her arms. She extended an arm, shaking Bucky’s hand.

“Woah, strong grip there, buddy.”

He chuckled, removing the leather glove and shoving it into the pocket of his own jacket. She looked down at his metal arm.

“Oh, that’s the…” she trailed off, motioning with her hands to make the situation any less awkward than it already was, failing miserably. “Yeah, that arm.”

Bucky was truly a saint. After Nat had given her a rundown of his story, she couldn’t help but empathize for the man. He was simply broken and all she wanted to do was give him a hug and ameliorate him, it didn't matter if she knew him or not. As Nat was called by Steve to help him with something, she and Bucky remained in the kitchen. She broke the silence, popping another cherry into her mouth.

“Hey, wanna go for a spin?” she asked, jiggling her keys in the air as a way to catch his attention.

“Uh, sure, why not?”

As they were about to leave, she stopped in her tracks, eyes ogling at his motorbike.

“Holy shit,” she muttered, admiring the all-black Yamaha YZF-R6 standing in front of her. “This is yours?”

“Been mine since...since I can remember,” he chuckled, kicking at the gravel with the tip of his boot as she continued to analyze his bike.

“Race me.”

Straightforward, isn’t she?

“What?”

“Race me. Harley versus Yamaha.”

“What does the winner get?”

She thought for quite some time, grinning as she looked down at the beauty in front of her.

“Winner gets a ride on the loser's bike until I can think of something else...unless you have any ideas.”

He eyed the black Harley, red accents screaming his name.

“Deal.”

With that, they swung their legs over their seats, saddling up to take off with their beasts. Y/N buckled her helmet on, leaning forward to rev the engine a bit.

“Ready Buck?” she asked over the roaring of both of their engines.

He pulled up next to her, watching the way she planted both feet on either side of the bike.

“Meeting point is back at the compound. Got it?”

Assertive.

She looked over at him, struggling to find his icy orbs through his tinted shield.

“Got it?”

He simply nodded his head once, both riders looking forward before Y/N gave a countdown.

“3...2...1, go!”

Bucky had heard the wildest stories of Y/N, but he always thought that Nat was exaggerating when she said Y/N was the most badass person she knew. She took off, a trail of smoke following the traces of her bike as she zipped down the road.

Bucky was simply taking his time, muttering a quick “oh shit” to himself as he realized she was already around the corner. He used his charm to his advantage, coming to a full stop. He looked ahead, Y/N already backpedaling to check on him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking back as he panted.

“I think I got a flat.”

As she jumped off her bike and walked over to his, he revved his engine, taking off.

“Nevermind, I think I’m gonna beat your ass,” he winked at her, taking off.

“Hey- that’s not fair!”

She knew he couldn’t hear her but she got back on her bike, slowly cruising down the street. Eventually, Bucky came into sight, leaning on his bike with a smug look.

“I think you owe me something, doll.”

She simply chuckled, getting off her bike.

“That was fowl.”

She hopped off of her bike, holding onto the handlebars of her bike before he took over.

“Wow,” he mumbled, revving the engine.

“Go on, take ‘er for a spin.”

She watched as he took off again, not fighting the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“And just like that, you’re in love.”

She jumped at the voice that came from behind her, turning to face a man standing at around 6”2’.

“How’d you know?” she asked with a chuckle.

“Bucky’s a pretty good friend of mine. Hated him at first but I grew to love the man as we got older.”

She turned the slightest bit to look at him.

“He’s like a brother,” he assured. “I’m Sam, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Sam. I’m-”

“Y/N. Heard lots about you from the Black Widow herself. What are you doing out here anyway?”

“I was just visiting for a few days. Nat wants me to move out here but I don’t know yet.”

“Well, you should. You’ll be with us for the most part. Besides, Bucky’s making you his girlfriend before you even get the chance to pack your suitcase.”

“What makes you so sure about that?”

She could feel her cheeks burning up as he slowly made his way back to the compound.

“I know when my best friend’s in love. He has this look that fails to mask the fact that he’s in love.”

“Nat, last time we did that-”

“Don’t mention it. Just put your shoes on and come downstairs.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, grabbing a random pair of black high heels before going to meet Natasha downstairs. It seemed that all eyes were on her, everyone admiring the nymph in front of them.

“As I probably mentioned numerous times before-”

“This is your cousin, Y/N. She’s beautiful beyond words and she’s got a killer personality. Nat, I’ve listened to you go on about her for the past two weeks. She’s lovely, but you sound like a broken record at this point, sweetheart,” Steve interjected, offering Y/N a smile while taking Nat’s arm in his.

“She’s got a voluptuous ass too,” she heard Sam mutter under his breath.

“Speak up, sweetie,” she baited with a giggle.

The glare that bored into the side of Sam’s face was all but amiable, his fists copying the actions of his jaw as they tightened at his sides. Sam moved up a bit with a smug, glorious smirk, walking directly next to Y/N.

“You’ve got the man whipped and you haven’t even fucked him yet.”

She nearly choked on her saliva.

“Sam, cut it out,” she scolded the younger man.

“You know it’s true,” he lifted his arms in surrender to her sass, dodging her objection.

Drinking was hardly ever a good idea when Y/N and Nat were together. Y/N had gotten better over the years, knowing her limit with alcohol, but Nat let all hell loose. Unless they weren’t in the middle of a mission, she was taking shot after shot, drink after drink, until she was struggling to stand on her own two feet. Y/N was amazed sometimes as to how she could drink that much without throwing up.

“Another one, come on,” Nat tugged on her arm, the colored lights making her head grow fuzzy as they stood at the bar.

“Two shots of silver tequila, anything’ll do!”

Y/N gagged merely at the sight of clear liquid filling the little glasses.

“Anything else?” the bartender asked over the blaring music, Nat simply scanning everyone’s glasses along the bar.

“Whatever she’s having, the pink thing.”

She bit her lip to suppress a chuckle, earning a concerned look from an obviously drunken Nat.

“What?”

“I’ll be over there with Sam and Tony.”

“But your shot-”

“Take it - I don’t know, do something with it!”

Y/N pat her back, sliding past her as she made her way to the pair sitting at the booth.

“Not up for dancing?” she queried, looking back and forth between them.

“God, no! What, you want me to look like an idiot?”

“C’mon, Tony! Pepper had to teach you something,” she surveyed the nightclub quickly, a silver arm catching her eye rather quickly. “What about you? I’d love to see the ‘Round Brown’ in action.”

“The falcon comes to life in these settings,” he informed her, winking slyly.

She tucked her straw between her lips, a smooth fruity mixture cascading down her throat to suppress the guffaw that danced at the tip of her tongue. The music changed, the lights dimming to a deep, dark purple. She looked at Tony and then Sam, both of them looking around at mounds of bodies on the dance floor.

She followed their eyes, that damn metal arm catching her eyes again. Tons of women threw themselves at him, wanting to get just a little taste of that metal arm, soon leaving solemnly as he turned them away.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll be over there.”

Sam easily replaced Bucky, the ladies now feeling up on him as if he were some hunk of meat. She didn’t spare a word to Tony, only offering a lopsided smile as Pepper made her way over to the booth. Y/N slid from her seat, feeling a sudden warmth settle upon her skin as she made her way over to Bucky. He finally acknowledged her, pupils amplifying against his gunmetal irises.

She couldn’t help her lips from moving along to the lyrics, “I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be / And satisfaction feels like a distant memory / And I can't help myself, all I / Wanna hear her say is ‘Are you mine?’”

His eyes were all but sweet and bright, lust written all over his body as her fingers trailed up his chest, cupping his chin deftly.

“Well, are you mine? / Are you mine? / Are you mine?”

She cocked her head to the side, dismayed by his knowledge of the current song.

“Well, that depends, Mr. Barnes. If you want me to be yours, all you have to do is say the word,” she spoke quiet enough for only him to hear, tongue skimming along the edge of his ear.

By the way he licked his lips, she could tell that he wanted to do more than just verbally claim her.

She’s fucking dangerous.

She looked up at Bucky, fingers coyly playing with each other as if she hadn’t just given him a glimpse of a completely different side to her. His lips were on hers in an instant, hands palming her backside as they slowly inched further up her dress, eventually landing on a little strap of leather higher up her thigh.

He couldn’t help his hands from exploring every inch of her skin, nails leaving gentle burning sensations as they raked at her skin. He lost it when her back arched, her chest colliding with his as her fingers soon got lost in his hair, one leg raising to pull his body closer, if even possible. He pulled away abruptly, one hand cradling the underside of her thigh and the other right under her chin.

“I need you to fuck me, like right now, because I think I might pass out if you don’t,” she spoke gravelly, lips crashing onto his once more in a heated, sloppy kiss.

Her feet were swept from the ground in a matter of a few seconds, arms crossing against Bucky’s back as she dangled over his shoulder. Her eyes traveled over the black motorbike once they’d made it outside, squealing as he held onto her hips, pulling her down so she was seated in his lap as he laid back in his seat. Her hands were everywhere all at once, though seeming to avoid the area in which he needed her the most.

It was quite a scene, a cacophony of grunts and whimpers being evoked from the pair. Hearing the engine of his bike roar, Y/N pulled off, pupils fixated on his with her hands on either side of his face. The ride was quite something - full of lingering, teasing touches, sweet, albeit intense, kisses, and reprehensible whispers.

The faint light of a wacky gas station illuminated his silhouette, his flesh hand easily adjusting itself around her throat, the other working to slide her dress just up around her waist before pushing her underwear aside, running two fingers up her folds. She hummed at the feeling, fingernails digging into that of his arm.

“‘S that feel good, doll?” he asked incoherently, voice barely above a whisper as his tongue nudged into her mouth.

She nodded, earning a buoyant pinch to her cunt. Her insides were going feral, wanting nothing more than his cock.

“I need words, toots.”

“F-uck yes, but I-I want y-ou,” she stammered, groaning when his fingers clamped even harder around her clit, thumb stimulating her nub.

He chuckled as her legs attempted to fly shut, only being stopped by his large thighs that were parting them.

“But you already have me, doll.”

“I-I need you to fuck me,” she got out, fingers draining of color as she balled the leather of his jacket.

His fingers pumped in and out of her, curling against her g-spot once before pulling out. She mentally cursed him out for looking so hot, tongue swiveling around his digits to taste her remnants.

“Fucking delicious,” he crooned, tapping his fingers against her lips before having her own tongue pivot around his faux fingers.

She easily freed him of his bottoms, his cock springing to meet his veiled torso. Her eyes widened.

Jesus fuck-

“It’s rude to stare, sweetheart.”

She looked up at him, back down to his cock, and back up to his face.

“Hey, if you don’t wan-”

“No, god no. I still want you to fuck me. You’re just…bigger than average.”

He chuckled, dog tags clanging against his rumbling chest. Her legs were thrown over his thighs in seconds, tip barely prodding at her entrance. She could feel her skin burning up, eager to have him inside of her. He was taking far too long, manipulating her legs into many different angles so it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable. She griped aloud, palms landing flat on his pecs as she pushed him back against the seat.

“Impatient, huh?” he couldn’t help the cocky grin splayed on his face.

“Taking too long,” she grumbled, sinking down onto him.

She groaned at the feeling, being stretched out beyond her limit. Her head lazed back as if she had no vertebrae, hands getting lost in his hair as his hips bucked up into her. She cried out, legs tightening around his hips as she soon began to bounce on his cock.

“Attagirl,” he praised, hands cupping either of her breasts before flicking over her nipples.

With the way he twitched inside of her and with the way her walls clamped around him, both of them could tell they wouldn’t last too long. It was far beyond erratic and the words spurring out of Bucky’s mouth helped the least bit.

“This pussy was made for me, wasn’t it?”

“Bet no one has fucked you this good yet, huh doll?”

Her legs grew tired as she felt herself lurching on the edge of her climax. She fought the burn, arms holding him impossibly tight as her walls fluttered around him.

“Gonna cum, sweetheart?”

She nodded, not being able to get out one comprehensible word. She came around him with a celestial moan, legs twitching ever so gently. His pace didn’t falter once, hands coming up to her waist as he fucked her through her high. Her eyes widened as she felt herself on the verge of another orgasm, Bucky’s pace relentless as he savored the way she felt so snug around his cock.

“Buck-”

“Fuck, you’re killing me, doll.”

He wanted nothing but to fuck the soul out of her, such pleasant sounds rolling off her tongue. It was a matter of seconds before he swung both legs over his bike, not leaving her body at any point, before hoisting both legs around his torso, hips snapping into hers as if his life depended on it. She yelped, his tip grazing at her cervix. For a moment, she saw stars, vision going blurry as he fucked her into oblivion, another release washing over her.

He slowed down a second, picking his pace back up until he was close. At that point, she was hardly even conscious, walls flexing around him with his nails creating crescent-like welts on her thighs. Her legs clung onto his waist, his hips coming to a halt before spurts of cum filled her. She finally opened her eyes when he’d pulled out of her, shivering at the feeling of his cum trickling out of her.

Bucky ventured off for some water and tissues, anything for a quick fix until they got back to the compound. The flashing of red and blue lights fully alerted her now, the siren growing louder as it approached the station. She looked up at Bucky who was walking out of the gas station with a bottle of water and a box of tissues, scrambling to her feet.

“Easy there, doll. I don’t want you passing out on me now.”

“Buck, we need to leave now.”

The sudden urgency in her tone drew a look of worry on Bucky’s face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, stopping once they faced directly towards one another. “Did I do so-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she assured him, pecking his lips quickly. “But, I’m afraid that someone reported us to the cops.”

They drove right up the curb, pulling up next to a pump.

“But we didn’t-”

“Public nudity, Buck.”

“We weren’t even naked!”

“To be fair, your dick was out, sweetheart. Not to mention, you did fuck me in the center of a gas station.”

He looked over his shoulder, the eyes of two middle-aged officers stuck on him. As they made their way over to the pair, Y/N hopped onto his bike, Bucky hot on her tail before tapping her thigh.

“Show me how you ride, princess.”

Taglist: @ronbrokemyheart @quxxnxfhxll @eunoia-kth @siriuslyslyslytherin @dracomalfoys-wh0re @rudypankowisdaddy @tenaciousperfectionunknown @i-love-scott-mccall - join here!

[getitinbusan]

Finger Bang!

Jeongguk Smut

More than pleased with himself, Jeongguk stared at how wet the bed was.

Quickly undoing his pants he knew he could pull another orgasm out of you while you were still blissed out. He brushed the damp hair off your cheek and kissed it.

"I don't think I'm ever going to get used to seeing that."

It had been a few weeks since this new talent revealed itself and he was determined to perfect the craft.

If he curled his fingers just right, and dragged them in and out at a steady pace, he could make you squirt like a soup dumpling. 

"So fucking wet, I can't believe how much your pussy loves my fingers." 

So while you lay in the aftermath, mind blank, muscles limp, he'd hop on and fuck you the rest of the way into oblivion replacing your fluids with his.

Walking through the airport you grabbed hold of him. Instead of taking his whole hand, you gripped your two favorite fingers and gave them a tight teasing squeeze.

"You really like those huh?"

"I thought it was obvious?"

Pressing his digits up to your lips you kissed them softly.

"I'm going to miss them this week, do you really have to go?"

"You're not going to miss me? Just my fingers?" He laughed, "You know you've got your own right?" 

"Not the same Guk. I love you, you'd better hurry back." 

The day before he was scheduled to return he messaged you. 

JK: I can't wait to see you tomorrow, I have a surprise. 

Y/N: I thought we were going to FaceTime tonight? I miss your smile Guk-ah."

Y/N: But what's the surprise!!??

JK: You're gonna have to be patient 💜 We get in at 7am, stay in bed, I'll meet you there 😏

The alarm went off at 6am, that would give you just enough time. 

Peeling off his old ripped t-shirt you got up to shower and shave.  

Putting clean sheets on the bed you tucked yourself back in just as the key turned in the lock. 

You heard the sound of his duffel bag drop on the floor, followed by shoes, then clothes as his bare feet pattered towards the bed. 

"I know you're not sleeping, I can see you smiling." 

You laughed as he lifted the covers and crawled on top of you.  "You'd better get over here and kiss me Jeongguk." 

His lips announced his homecoming as they connected with yours. His hand drew through your hair and caressed your cheek. 

You pulled back at the strange sensation. "What's this? Why are you wearing a glove? Jeongguk are you hurt?!" 

He rolled onto his back and held his gloved hand up. "This is my surprise!" 

You looked at him puzzled, "I don't get it." 

Sliding the fabric off his hand he slowly revealed his newly inked fingers, the inflamed writing spelled out ARMY across his knuckles. 

"Oh my God, thats so fucking hot!" 

He smiled at your praise. "You really like it? I can't wait for the fans to see how much I love them." 

You crawled on top of him, "When are you gonna show me how much you love me?" 

You ground yourself onto his hardening cock, "I need you to make me cum."

"Yeah? you need my fingers inside you baby?" 

"Please Kookie, I've been a good girl waiting for you." 

"Fuck, I love when you talk like that." 

He lowered his hand to your entrance, his fingers finding you wet in anticipation. Dipping his index inside you he hissed. 

His eyes grew big and apologetic, "shit...shit, I'm sorry. I'll be right back." 

He got out of bed and walked to the washroom. You could hear him running the faucet. The light flicked back off and he stood beside the bed. 

"You're gonna be mad." 

"Jeongguk, what's going on? I've missed you, why the hell aren't you fucking me right now?" 

He grabbed the discarded glove from the bed and slipped it back over his hand.

Realization hit you, "Oh for fucks sakes Jeon. How long till they heal?" 

His head dropped,"Three weeks.." 

The sex was good but… it was no squirting orgasm. 

It had been a week and a half plus the week he'd been gone. He felt bad.

Jeongguk loved to please you and even though you didn't complain he knew he could be giving you so much more. 

He walked into the living room where you lay on the couch and made a show of dropping his book loudly onto the coffee table. 

You picked it up and read the title, 

"Tantric Alchemy and Amrita: The Sacred Nectar of a good woman"

"Have you given up Overwatch for feminist studies?" 

He took it out of your hand and stretched out beside you. 

He flipped it open, "It says when a woman squirts, its a holy experience for her." 

You couldn't stop laughing at how serious he was.

"You've made me scream OH GOD on multiple occasions, im not sure why you needed a book to tell you that." 

"Don't make fun of me," he pouted. "I know you really like it when I make you squirt and I just want to understand so I can do it better." 

You held up his hand and looked at the Tattoos, "How much longer?" 

"Three more days baby, we're almost there. Wanna see what else I learned?" 

He flipped to the bookmarked page and read it to you.

"Tantric Kissing brings your makeout sessions to totally new, electric, and elevated levels. It allows you to experience flowing orgasmic energy with  outrageous passion between you and your kissing partner." He wiggled his brow and grinned.

Your panties were already wet.

"Jeongguk," you rubbed against him, "I'm more of a hands on learner. Why dont you teach me about it?"

You woke up in a great mood. Today was THE day! 

Jeongguk had left bright and early for rehearsal so you wouldn't see him until after the show tonight. 

Trying to distract yourself all day, your house had never been this clean. The anticipation building inside you was manifesting in your creamed panties. 

Y/N: Guk I'm gonna die...I cant wait any longer.

JK: Don't you dare touch yourself!

Y/N: You'd better take care of me

JK: I've got you baby girl.

JK: I changed the ending of Boy with Luv just for you...💜

Y/N: ?? Cant wait, see you soon.

He was a tease. Standing in the front row with your legs clamped together he danced for you.

Lifting his shirt, thrusting his hips, rolling his body, his hand falling conveniently over his cock. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

Almost at the finish line, you couldn't wait to get him home. The familiar ohs of Boy With Luv began and you watched as he flirted with you. You didn't want to wait, you wanted to be in the car already, getaway style. 

End...end...come on end...Boy with Luv…

He looked over his shoulder  directly at you and raised your two favorite fingers in the air. Holding the pose he winked and motioned with his head for you to get backstage. 

"Fucking finger guns Jeongguk? Do you want me to wet myself in public?" 

Not saying a word he grinned as he pulled you into a nearby green room and locked the door behind him. 

He backed you up animalisticly like you were prey until your legs found the edge of the couch.

"Guk..." 

He put his tattooed finger over you lips.  

You lay back on the couch as he knelt on the floor in front of you. 

Lifting your skirt he shook his head, "you haven't been wearing panties all night?"

You smiled sweetly and shrugged. 

Spreading you wide he went knuckle deep and pulled back out. "So fucking wet," he licked his finger. 

"Guk please, don't tease me anymore." Begging him, you were desperate to get off. 

He pushed his fingers into you and layed himself onto your chest. As his fingers stroked your sweet spot he whispered in your ear. 

"Remember the other day when we kissed for hours?"

You couldn't form sentences so you moaned in acknowledgment.

"How it felt like nothing else existed but us?" 

He lifted your leg to hit a deeper angle. 

"I want to give you that all the time." 

His lips moved warm and slow, his tongue dancing in your mouth as fireworks went off behind your eyes. His fingers, covered in cream were snuggly inside you, pressing, rubbing into a euphoric trance. He had you dizzy. 

His tongue swiped across your bottom lip, "can you cum for me?"  

You knew he was speaking but your brain couldn't decipher what the words were. 

As your hips involuntarily rose to press into his palm he increased his speed. Your legs were trembling and he knew it was imminant. Moving to the side he watched as pleasure took over and you released your cum onto the couch and the floor. 

"Thats my girl." 

Your head was reeling as you tried to regain your strength. He held out his hand to help you up. 

"Aren't you going to finish?" 

He pulled you into a hug, "Nope. I learnt a few things from my book, it's going to be a long night." 

He opened the door just as Jimin was walking by. Eyeing you both  suspiciously up and down he looked into the room. "Is everything okay? Why are you wet.. why's the floor wet?" 

Jungkook shrugged, "Sometimes we have waterfights."

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Five [PT. 1]

Part Eighty-Five [PT. 2]

Words: 5.5k

Warning(s): explicit language, explicit sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

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NIKKI

My lawyer looks completely unimpressed with my lack of shoes, shirt, and dignity as he leans back in his chair behind his desk, rubbing his temples. 

"It doesn't work like that, Nikki, I'm afraid." He informs me finally, sitting up and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his desk. 

"I was declared dead for two minutes. I died. My wife's technically a widow." 

"You can't annul a four year marriage on the basis of 'I died for two minutes.' Some cases of actual death, it can take an act of congress for widow or widower to have an annulment for a marriage where their spouse is no longer alive, legitimately." He explains and I roll my eyes. 

"So, what, I just get some divorce papers or something?" 

"Unless I declare mental incapacity given that you went through a traumatic series of events within the last twenty-four hours and this could possibly be a very serious lapse in judgement." He argues and I stare at him.

"Stop pulling my dick." 

"I'm not 'pulling your dick.' I just don't want you to make this decision and then regret it when your head clears." 

I managed to wear him down and by the next morning, he left the papers by Tommy's door after Vince mentioned to me that Viv stayed over there with Tommy and Heather.

When I get home, Karen opens the door and looks at me, wide eyed and confused. 

"H-Hey?" She says as I push past her and go to the phone, opting to change my answering machine. 

"Hey, it's Nikki." I say. "I'm not here because I'm dead." 

Karen just looks at me, astounded, and I go to my room, slamming the door. 

I was good and tired and glutton for punishment because I got home that night and loaded up the biggest shot of smack I could muster and pulled the trigger.

I wake up with a sharp pain in the crook of my arm, a needle still in my skin as blood trails my forearm to collect in my palm...Jesus fucking Christ, I've officially lost it. 

I take the needle out and force myself up to trudge to the living room to check my messages. 

Things like, "You're an asshole," and "that's not funny," tend to be the common theme. 

I guess I need to change my answering machine. 

I comb through to see if I have anything from Viv. 

Now would be a good time to hear her bitch me out for almost making her kill herself--because, lets face it, she's gonna blame it on me, anyway. 

Nothing's found, though. 

"Fuck, Vivian." I sigh out, sitting on the carpet in the living room, rubbing my forehead as a new message comes on…

"You fucker, you would be the one to fucking OD and die and then get up right after and file for divorce as if she doesn't have enough shit going on, already." 

I furrow my brows at the voice. 

"Axl the Twat?" I say aloud, confused, as he finishes with, "fuck you, you fucking fuck." 

He hangs up and I raise my brows. 

Did I die and wake up in a parallel universe? Axl defending Vivian? 

Is this hell? 

It cuts to the last message. 

"Hey, umm...I don't know if you'll get this or not or if…" Vanity. "...I don't know what's going on but I heard something terrible on the radio and I suppose it was true--well, kind of, um…" she sighs. "We're not together anymore and I get that I just hope you're o--"

"Fuck that." I grumble, hitting delete. 

I fall back and I look up at myself. 

It's fucked that I bought this fucking house for Viv, and she's not even staying in it anymore. 

I feel like I promised her so much and haven't given a damn thing to her except reasons to want to throw herself off of balconies.

I look down at my arm, dried blood still on my skin. 

I'm fucking tired of this shit. 

I let my complete exhaustion of being sick fuel me to dig through everything I own and throw out all of my rigs, any other drugs in my path, and even pour everything to get drunk off of down the sink--even the fucking cooking-wine. 

Vivian's somewhere catching the holy spirit, probably, just sensing I'm finally fucking done. 

Or she's somewhere in tears over me finally taking the final step to end our relationship. 

I feel like it's dead in every way aside from legal. 

Whisky's laying by the door, whining when I step over him to go throw the big garbage bag out. 

I'd get down there and whine for her, too, but I know this is what needs to be done. 

Our entire relationship has just been one giant clusterfuck, and I don't want to put her through the bullshit of having to try to forgive me and trust me, again. 

I think I've already stolen enough of her peace of mind. 

She'll be happier with Duff, anyway. He's a good guy. A hell of a lot more suited for her than I am. 

My hand rubs the back of my neck and I realize I'm still wearing the small crucifix of her's. 

I'm tempted not to give it back. 

I just sigh and throw the trash out and get back in the house, getting in the shower. 

When I get out, I ruffle a towel through my hair, seeing the light blinking on my answering machine. 

I go over and try to keep myself from getting too excited at the thought of it being Viv before I hit play on my messages. 

"Nikki, it's Doc. I know you feel like horseshit right about now but I need you to come down to the office at 5:00p.m., we're getting you guys together because we need to talk. See you then--preferebly kinda sober and coherent." 

Turns out I'll have my ass chewed by Doc before Viv, after all. 

I know he came down to the hospital and tore Slash and the guys new ones while I was unconscious. 

I'm digging in my garbage for a couple pills to dull down my future shakes that I just know are gonna be coming before sundown. 

Despite being not in shape to fucking drive anywhere, I still go because I know if I don't go, Doc will come here and I don't need him here. 

It's morbid walking into the office to see Vince, Tommy, and Mick sitting and waiting for me while Doc sits behind his desk. 

"Fuck me." I complain out loud, dreading what Doc's about to go on about. 

"Sit." Doc tells me and I plop down beside Tommy, sighing, and Doc waits a minute before saying, "I canceled the European tour."

"What?" Vince asks and Mick furrows his brows. 

"What the fuck, Doc--"

"--Shut the fuck up and listen." He cuts me off while Tommy nervously shakes his leg. "If you bastards go to Europe, one of you will come back in a body bag. And I'm not gonna be the fucking manager that runs Mötley Crüe into the ground." He states harshly. 

"That's a fucking first." I laugh out, meanly, and Doc glares at me. "Guess dead rockstars don't make as much money as alive ones, huh? I coulda told ya that after Razzle--"

"--Nikki." Mick states. 

"Where's my wife?" I snap next. 

"Oh, the one you so stupidly filed for divorce from without giving me a heads up first? Probably with her friends that haven't put her through the ringer and fucked her over time and time again." He states. 

"I didn't know I needed permission to make decisions in my personal life--that have nothing to do with Mötley Crüe." 

"Are you two just gonna argue or are we gonna actually talk about why we're here because I have things to do." Vince grumbles. 

"Tommy came to me and told me he's thinking about rehab." Doc tells us and I glance at Tommy, who's avoiding looking at anybody. "I'm not taking Mötley Crüe on tour again, in a studio, whatever, until you guys get your act together." 

We all look at each other, exhaling, and I rub my lips together. 

"Fine." Vince sighs, and Doc looks at Tommy.

He nods. 

"Nikki?" Doc asks and I just stare at him. 

The guys are gone in a few minutes, leaving just me and Doc and I stand up. 

"I wanna see Viv." I tell Doc as he digs through some files, and he looks up and blinks from behind his desk, 

"She said she's not seeing you until you get help." Doc states. 

"She says that but I bet I could find her tonight and still get her under me in less than three minutes." 

"Assuming she's not still under Duff." Doc says and I tense up. "You think I didn't notice how questionably close they got on tour?" He adds. 

"She's going through a crisis." I reply. 

"Can't imagine why." He mumbles. 

"Just tell me where she's at, Doc." I snap. 

"You look like shit. You need to go home and get some fuckin' rest because you're all checking in tomorrow afternoon." He adds. 

"I'm not going anywhere until I see my wife."

"You mean the wife you filed for divorce from?" He questions and I roll my jaw. "Your wife is resting. You should, too."

1981

I fumble for my key to the apartment, cussing under my breath when I can't get the door opened. 

"Motherfucker." I hiss, finally getting it unlocked and shoving it open…

I slam it shut and toss my keys across the room, hearing Tommy and Vince's room door creak open. 

Vivian crosses her arms, a scowl on her face, her hair tousled from sleep. 

"Could you be any louder?" She snaps, shutting the door behind her, going to the kitchen.

My eyes run up and down her long legs as she heads that way, only in one of Tommy's t-shirts and panties. 

Fuck. Me. 

I go to grab the bottle of Jack on the counter, taking a sip as she gulps some water down, a droplet escaping the glass as she drinks, rolling down her chin to her neck and I watch it, my burning throat getting dry as I try to pull myself together, my prick starting to push against my pants. 

Damnit. 

It's like the sane part of myself is trying to slap the hopelessly horny part of me. 

She's fucking evil, dude, fuck off, I tell myself. 

She's hot. 

You hate each other. 

I wonder what weird shit she's into in bed. 

She's a bitch. You know she's a bitch. Leave her alone. 

Oh, I forgot she's supposedly a virgin.

Go to bed, dumbfuck. GO TO BED. 

That means I get to watch her experience stuff for the first time.

I end up chuckling, amused at the thought of seeing her pretty eyes roll in her head as pleasure bombards her for the first time. 

"What?" She snaps, and I realize I've been staring at her. 

I'm about to answer until I get caught up at the sight of her nipples peering through her shirt...fuck me. 

"Nikki," she shoves at my shoulder, making me take my eyes off of her chest.

She just scoffs. 

"Go touch yourself in the bathroom or something. Jesus." She puts the glass down and walks past me to go back to Tommy's room.

See? Evil. 

I ignore the voice of reason and I catch her wrist and stop her, yanking her closer to me. 

She looks like a deer in headlights for a minute before I'm grabbing at her hair closest to her neck and pulling her to me, kissing her. 

It's a pretty clean kiss, no tongue, no mess, just testing the waters. 

She doesn't push me away or beat me up like I always thought she would do, instead, when I pull away for a moment, she takes a breath, wide eyed, before grabbing me by my jacket, pulling me back in. 

I'm surprised but I don't let it get in the way, taking lead a little to guide her. 

For someone who's never been kissed before (again, allegedly) she's not awful at it like I expected--well, I didn't expect her to be awful because she's never kissed anybody, I expected her to be awful because she's so mean to me. 

Her hands push my jacket off my shoulders and I push my tongue past her lips, coaxing a quiet moan from her. 

Holy shit. 

My hands go to her ass and she grasps at my hair as I pick her up, her legs wrapping around me. 

Just to see if we're on a standard starting basis of common interests, I lift one of my hands and bring it back down, not too hard, but hard enough, and she hums, fucking biting my bottom lip and grinding into me a couple times. 

I have to keep from creaming my pants just by her moving against me. 

You're being stupid, I tell myself, but I can't bring myself to leave her alone now. 

She's been the forbidden fruit or whatever for months now and I just gotta have it. 

I take her to my room and kick the door shut with my foot, taking her to the shitty mattress on the floor. 

I drop her onto it, seeing her in the glow of streetlights. 

"Take your shirt off." I say, lowly, and she rubs her lips together and slowly pulls it over her head, her bare chest exposed and my dick's practically throbbing at this point. 

I take her crucifix in my hand, and she looks down at it as I lick my lips. 

She unfastens it and throws it aside. 

I lean down and kiss her again, trailing down her neck, my tongue against her skin and she gasps out a sharp breath, her hands pulling at my shirt. 

I take it off and she's sitting up and running her palms over my shoulders, down my chest, and I grasp her around her throat, pushing her back to the mattress and I feel a little shiver go up her spine. 

My tongue circles one of her nipples and she lets out bated breaths as I take it between my teeth. 

She moans, loudly, and I move my hand to her mouth. 

"Shh!" I say. "You're gonna wake them up." I add and she nods. 

I do the same to her other breast, with my hand over her mouth, but then I get an idea. 

A glorious, completely selfish idea. 

I take my hand off of her mouth and smirk before kissing the middle of her chest, one of her top ribs, biting into it, hard, making her scratch at my shoulder while covering her own mouth as a sharp moan is forced from her.

I run my tongue over the bite mark and continue down her stomach, stopping at the top of her panties, glancing at her. 

She's still breathing heavy, hands covering her chest, tilting her head to see me. 

I run my hand over her clothed core, a little noise coming from her throat, feeling a big wet spot over her cunt. 

She lifts her hips and starts pulling them down and I take them and discard them, running my fingertips up the inside of her thigh before I rub my thumb around her clit that's slickened wet. 

Her hands jolt to mine between her legs, her back arching, trying her hardest not to be loud. 

I tug her to the edge of the mattress, and grab one of her hands, replacing mine with it before I'm looming over her for a moment. "Touch yourself." I tell her, my lips brushing against hers and I can tell she's blushing under the dark of the room. "C'mon, it's hot, just do what feels good." I add, my lips pressing against hers for a moment before I feel her hand move, a delicate gasp coming from her and I pull my lips from hers to watch her face. 

Her eyes close, her head tilts back while her other hand tangles in her hair. 

I stand up to take my pants off, grabbing at my painfully hard cock when she bucks her hips against her frail fingers. 

"Nikki," she says, eyes still shut, head back, and I rub my hands down my face. 

We haven't even fucked yet and I can already tell she's gonna make me a fucking idiot. 

I get my pants off and run my thumb over my tip and get some precum on it, leaning down and holding it up to her lips. 

"Hold your tongue out," I tell her and she opens her eyes and looks at me, before doing as I say. 

The pad of my thumb rubs it over her tongue and she lets out a satisfied sigh, looking up at me as I lick her spit off my thumb. 

I get back up on my feet for a moment and she gets up and crawls to the foot of the bed, her eyes on my prick, hunger in her eyes…

Nice try, evil bitch, you're not stealing my soul by sucking it through my dick. 

I grab her hair and make her look at me. 

"Lay down." I tell her and doesn't argue, eyes still ravenous…

I kiss up her kneecap to her thigh, sliding up and up until--

"Oh, fuck!" She whimpers out when my tongue swirls her clit around, getting the first taste of Saint Viv. 

My eyes are the ones to roll back, now. 

Holy shit. 

It's good because she's Satan and needs something to trap you with, that little voice comes back. 

Her hands find my hair, her lips find my name and if I don't get ahold of myself, I'll be finding God based on this experience alone.

Apparently she's finding him right now because all she can muster out is, "oh, God." 

I find a good rhythm with my tongue, her pussy starting to grind against my face as teasing, little sultry moans flutter through the room. 

After a minute I feel her body tense up, and I pat myself on the back as she comes, my tongue lapping at her entrance to get drunk off of her, my hands running over her stomach and thighs. 

Vivian claims we just went right into sex without doing anything aside from making out before hand but I distinctly remember going down on her. She must've blacked out once she realized we were about to fool around or something but I remember that happening because it was something I'd dreamed up doing ever since I met her, creepy but honest.

I pry myself from her to grab a rubber behind the head of the mattress, the both of us pulling ourselves up there.

I get it on and turn over, getting on top of her. 

She's already hooking her legs around me before I even line myself up with her. 

She looks like she's high or drunk, eyes nearly shut, her lip between her teeth, her head tilted slightly, exposing her neck. 

I lean down and kiss her neck, her skin damp with sweat and she sighs. 

I rub my tip against her opening and she closes her eyes. 

I push into her, having to coach myself through because fuck her pussy is tight, and she winces, her mouth opening but nothing coming out. I'm about to ask her if she's alright when she speaks first. 

"Take it off." She tells me. 

"What?" 

"The condom, take it off." 

"Are you trying to trap me or something?" I snap at her. 

"I wanna feel you." She tells me softly, and I guess it's kinda sweet, or primal, whatever. 

I pull out of her and take the condom off, dropping it by the bed before I'm pushing back into her. 

We both moan, and I can feel her body stretching to accommodate my entrance, her face showing pain. 

I pullout again, but before I can get out completely, she pulls me back in with her legs, letting out a high pitched breath. 

More of her juices coat over my cock. 

"Fuck, Vivian," I say it, thrusting into her again and she wraps her arms around my back, hugging me to her, and my lips find hers as I push into her again, and again, roughly, the feeling of heaven washing over me each time I go back inside her. 

I make her take every inch, forcing myself to fit the last inch and a half despite her body not having room, and she writhes underneath me. 

"I think I'm bleeding." She tells me breathlessly and I think she wants me to back off or get off her, but when I go to, she says, "No, keep going, it feels good." 

The look on her face is a clear indication that she's into it. 

I'm kind of shocked that churchy Vivian is into the same shit I'm into, and I grab her throat, again, and kiss her, our tongues moving together. 

"I wanna get on top next." She tells me through moans. 

"Why?" I ask. 

"I wanna see it." She says and I furrow my brows for a second before I catch on. 

I'm rolling off of her and onto my back, my hands running up her thighs and waist when she gets on top of me, and I grab myself as she straddles me, pushing it against her before my hands pull  her down onto me. 

She screws her eyes shut, as she sinks down to the hilt, her thighs shaking, and I hit her ass cheek as hard as I can and she gets so tight around me I can't pull out until she relaxes. 

"You can't do that shit." I tell her harshly, biting back my urge to go ahead and come, and she relaxes a little more as my hands hold at her waist, guiding her movements since she's never done this before. 

"Does it feel good?" I ask her, her little moans and whimpers getting me even more hot and bothered. 

"Yes," she nods, tipping her head back. "So good."

I look between us, clear view of her pussy taking it, and I sigh. 

"It looks good, too." I tell her and she leans down over me, her forehead against my chest as she watches me fuck her for a moment before looking at me, kissing me sloppily, her chest pressing against mine making her sigh when her nipples brush against my skin. 

When she pulls away, I'm sticking two fingers in her mouth, taking her by surprise but she starts sucking on them in a second, and I force them down her throat, making her gag, as I start pounding into her, making her nearly shriek out but I gag her with my hand around her throat. 

"You're so pretty." I tell her, spit all down her chin from choking on my fingers, eyes nearly shut, my hand around her throat, and I glance down between us, licking my lips. "That pussy's pretty, too." I add and she cries out when my other hand starts rubbing at her clit. 

I take my hand from her throat and she gasps for air. 

"Nikki, I'm--" 

She can't finish. 

I roll onto her again, getting on my knees and lift her hips, continuing to hammer into her roughly and her eyes go to the back of her head, as her cum soaks the both of us. 

Why the fuck didn't she tell me she can come like that? 

I feel myself reaching my own end and go to pull out but she tugs me onto her, kissing me, her legs snaking around me. 

At first I don't think she realizes I'm about to blow my kids everywhere, then when I try to pullout, she says, "do it in me, I've heard it feels good."

I look at her like she's crazy because it's something I'd never expect her to say. 

"Please, Nikki, let me have it." 

I don't have time to argue because I'm finishing with a grunt and a satisfied smile at the sight of tears of pleasure in her eyes before her lids screw shut, her mouth open as a moan leaves her, her body sparking off with shivers. 

I let her have it.

"You're a slut." I tell her, thrusting into her a couple more times and she hums at my words. 

"Shut up." She says next and I kiss her one last time before rolling off of her. 

She pulls the covers over her chest and closes her eyes, tired, and I watch her for a moment. 

Okay, she may not be a slut, but I know she's gonna be able to get away with murder and I'm gonna let her because she's fucking Vivian. 

I ran myself into my own grave, but heroin and Vivian were major catalysts, but I know I was a catalyst for her own rock bottom, too. We were just too fucking young to know better, I guess. We fell in love and got hooked on playing house without actually stopping to think what all it would look like. Of course, neither of us expected me to be on smack, neither of us expected me to reach the level of stupidity that I reached with Vanity, and neither of us expected her to be conceiving a lovechild while I was next door dying, and I certainly didn't expect to file for divorce first, if at all. I remember that first night together in that shitty apartment got me hooked on her. Not just sex, I actually started listening to what she had to say after that, and wanting to have conversations, and hangout...I fell in love and she made it easy for me to. It was like boiling a frog. Things got worse and worse slowly overtime until BAM! I had Vanity, crack, and junk, and Vivian had Duff and a secret savings account she didn't think our lawyer would get record of. I was pissed, but I knew it was my fault. 

All of it was. 

I had promised her the world and instead stole everything from her like a life-sucking demon. 

She wasn't the evil, manipulative bitch. 

I was.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Scarred

Pairing- Jimin x Named Reader

Includes- mentions of assault, physical attack, depression, rude comments, despair, sorrow, suicide

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Jimin POV

"Baby, do you wanna go on a walk with me before I go to practice?"

Joanne shakes her head

"Please Jo. You can't stay inside all the time. Your therapist said that even just five minutes outside can help"

"I...I don't want to. People are going to stare again", she says sadly

"I know baby, but you can put on the mask and sunglasses if your worried about that. I don't think you need that but you can do it if you want. I have to."

She shakes her head

"Please Jo? Baby I'm worried about you. Can you do it for me?"

She sighs, then nods. Getting up from the couch, she puts her shoes on

I take her hand and we leave her house

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

"What the fuck happened to her?", I hear someone whisper

Joanne stiffens

I put my arm around her and glare at the person who said the comment

"I'd kill myself if I looked like her", a girl tells her friend

"Shut up, that's so rude. Clearly she was attacked and that's sad", her friend snaps

"Yeah but still, I'd never leave the house looking like that"

Joanne turns her body into mine as we walk

"Don't pay attention baby. You're beautiful", I tell her

"Holy shit, is that a monster?", one teenager yells

"Hey Frankenstein what happened to your face?"

"Shut the fuck up, what the fuck is wrong with you?", I yell at them, anger flooding my blood

What is wrong with people? Why would they say such nasty things to someone they don't know?

"You're girlfriend is ugly.", he laughs

"Motherfucker", I shout, walking towards him

"Oh shit", he yelps and runs away

"You better fucking run!", I yell

Walking back to Joanne, I see she's crying

"Jo-"

"Can we just go home Jimin? Please?", she whispers

"Baby don't pay-"

"Please Jimin"

I can't say no to her. I can never say no

"Ok baby. Ok. C'mon"

Holding her close to me again, I start walking to our apartment

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

Joanne immediately goes into the bedroom when we get home

I know she's back in bed, crying. My heart aches for her. I hate people. How cruel they are for no reason

They see her scars and they think it's ok to say things to her

Joanne got the scars a year and a half ago

When she was attacked. By sasaengs

Walking into the bedroom, I lay down next to her. I have time before I have to go to practice

"Come here baby", I call her

She moves closer to me, putting her face in my chest

She's still crying

Putting my arms around her, I hold her close, running my fingers in her hair

"Baby, please don't listen to those people"

"They're right Jimin", she sobs

"No Joanne, they're not. Not at all"

"I am a monster. I look like one"

"You don't Joanne. You're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen"

I hate that she thinks about herself like that. I don't care about her scars, it doesn't bother me. I see her, not them.

The scars don't make her ugly

She's still so fucking beautiful and I tell her that all the time. She doesn't believe me and thinks I'm lying. But I'm not. There's nothing that can make her ugly

Not to me

I thought she was the most gorgeous girl in the world when I first saw her and I still think the same thing

"Jimin-"

"Please baby, I'm not lying to you ok. To me you're gorgeous baby. I mean it"

She doesn't say anything, just lays with me, clinging to me. And I just hold her, hoping I'm comforting her

After an hour, I look at the time. I have to go. I don't want to. I want to stay with her, make sure she's ok.

But I have to go to practice

"Baby, I have to go to practice. Do you want to come?", I ask

She shakes her head

After today it's going to be so hard to get her to leave the apartment. But I'm still going to try. I love her and I want her to get better

"Ok baby. I'm going to leave practice at 6 so I can take you to your therapist appointment ok?"

She nods. Lifting her face to mine, I smile at her

"I love you so much Joanne. Don't forget ok?"

She nods

"I love you so much Jimin", she answers

I kiss her soft lips, holding her close

She give me a sad smile after the kiss. After kissing her again, I get up from the bed, getting ready for practice

Before I leave, I lean over the bed, kissing her on her cheek

"I'll see you later baby ok? I'll call you during the breaks"

"Ok"

"I love you"

"I love you Jimin", she answers

"See you later"

"Bye", she says

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

"C'mon baby pick up", I sigh

The phone goes to her voicemail. Why isn't she picking up? This is the third break we had

I called her all through the first and second breaks but she didn't pick up. And she never answered my texts. And now she's still not picking up

I know she was very upset about the walk but she still should pick up my calls. She's never not picked up

Maybe she's sleeping

Or has her phone on silent

Things have been bad ever since her attack. And I don't blame her

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

A year and a half ago, Joanne was coming to watch our practice

I met her at our debut showcase. She was one of the staff members at the venue at the time

It was instant love. It's going to be seven years that we've been together

Two years ago I went public with our relationship

Most ARMYS were and still are supportive. But there's always sasaengs

Right before Joanne got to BigHit, a gang of three sasaengs jumped her, dragging her into the park by BigHit

They beat her, breaking bones. Then they cut her face up. They used a razor and cut so deeply into her skin

Two held her down, while one cut her. They took turns

A jogger found them surrounding her

When he yelled at them, they ran away, leaving her bleeding on the ground. The jogger called an ambulance, then called me

I still remember that fucking call

I picked up right away because it was Joanne's number and she was late

When I heard the guys voice a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. And I'm not proud to say that I thought she was cheating on me

Until he explained the situation. Then I got hysterical, running out of the practice room. I never ran as fast as I did that day. I got to her just as the ambulance was pulling up

There was so much blood and she wasn't moving. I was crying and screaming that she was my girlfriend, that they have to make her better. They got me in the ambulance, taking us to the hospital

Her arm was shattered, her ribs broken, her face bruised. Then the doctor told me about cuts. Cuts around her cheeks starting from her temple. A diagonal cut across her mouth, splitting her lip. Cuts on the sides of her face, cuts by her eye, her chin

One long huge diagonal cut starting from the right side of her forehead across her eye, over her nose ending just below the left side of her jaw

That one was the worst. That one blinded her in her right eye. They fucking cut her eye. The doctor told me that most of the bigger cuts we're very deep and would scar

Like that mattered to me. All that mattered was that she was ok. Physically she eventually was. But not mentally or emotionally

When she woke up she was terrified. I was next to her and explained what happened, where she was. When I asked her what happened, she told me

She said that they girls were yelling at her. They cut her face to make her ugly so I wouldn't love her anymore. They wanted to make her into a monster that I wouldn't be able to look at

As if that would ever happen

Joanne's scars healed as the months went by but she was depressed and terrified. She refused to leave the apartment. At first because she was scared she'd get attacked again

Then once she started therapy and feeling a little better, she'd come out with me

Until people started harassing her, calling her names, saying rude things to her when she was outside

The worst was when a kid passes by her and screamed because they were scared. She knew the kid didn't mean anything by it but it still upset her. Her depression got worse and now she hardly leaves the apartment.

She just stays inside all day, on the couch but mostly in bed. She doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to interact with anyone but me

I told her psychologist and she recommended medication. So I took her to a psychiatrist who prescribed her anti-depressants. I try as hard as I can to help her but I don't know what to do

I don't know if what I'm doing or saying to her is helping or not. But I'm trying. Because I love her more than life. She is my life and I'll never stop helping her

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

"Joanne", I call walking into our apartment

She's not in the living room so that means the bedroom. Walking in, I see her in bed

"Baby why didn't you pick up your phone?", I ask, "I was trying to call you"

I sit next to her, pushing her hair out of her face. Jesus her skin is cold

"Baby, we have to go to your appointment", I say, shaking her arm a little

She doesn't move

"C'mon baby", I call, shaking her harder

Still nothing. I'm starting to panic now. She always wakes up when I call her and shake her arm

"Joanne", I say louder, shaking her body

"Joanne! Wake up! Baby wake up!", I panic

Why isn't she waking up? I roll her over

"Joanne!"

Her lips are blue. That's not good

Relax Jimin, relax

I look at her chest. Nothing, she's not breathing

No, no

"JOANNE!", I shriek

Lifting her up in my arms, her head lolls to the side. I put my hand on her chest, but I don't feel her heartbeat

"No Joanne, no"

I move to pick her up to get her to the car and my knees hits something on the bed

Carefully putting her down, I pick it up

Her medication bottle. It's empty

She didn't....no she didn't

I check the rest of the bed quickly and find a piece of paper. And the rest of her medication bottles

All empty

"NO!", I scream, "No Joanne no!"

She took all her medication

She...She's....

No she can't be dead. She can't

"Joanne wake up right now. It's not funny", I scream at her

Grabbing her in my arms, I just let out a huge wail

"Joanne no. Baby no. Don't leave me.", I sob

I know she's gone. Her body is cold and Joanne was always warm. Always hot. She used to just go out in a t-shirt and hoodie during the winter

"Baby why? Baby why did you do this? I love you. I can't be without you", I cry

I just hold her in my arms rocking her back and forth

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

A long time passes but I still just hold the love of my life

My life is over

She was the one. My one

And now she's gone

I can't believe it. Why did she do this? Why didn't she talk to me? There's so many questions but no one to answer them

'The paper', I remember

I put it on the nightstand when I was freaking out . Turning, I see it and grab it. I still hold her while I open it

Jimin, my love

I'm sorry Jimin. I tried but I can't be here anymore. Nothing is working. Not the medication, not the therapy, nothing. I tried but I can't anymore

This IS NOT your fault baby

I'm just too weak to deal with everything

I'm tired, Jimin

Tired of crying, tired of getting nasty comments online, tired of people looking and pointing at me, tired of feeling this way

Feeling hopeless

And you deserve so much more

You deserve to be happy, to be having fun with your girlfriend, going out, doing things

Not be stuck inside with a mess of a person

I love you more than anything in this world. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You are the only thing that's ever made me happy.

You are the love of my life

I just can't stay

Don't ever think this is your fault

It's not, it's mine

You helped me as much as you could baby, you did everything for me

Thank you Jimin

I want you to live a happy life Jimin

Don't worry about me anymore

I'll be ok

Wherever I'm going, I'll be ok

I love you so much my Jimin

Forever

Joanne

The paper is wet with my tears

I can't handle this. This is my fault. She was attacked because of me. Because she loves me

I can never live a happy life without her. She made me happy and now she's gone. And I don't know what to do. She's everything

"Baby why did you leave? I need you. I can't do this without you. I love you so much.", I sob, "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry this happened to you because of me. I'm sorry Jo. Please come back. I need you back"

I need help. I don't know what to do. Who do I call? I don't want her to be taken from me

I'm never going to see her again, I realize with horror

She's never going to talk to me or smile at me or tell me she loves me. She's never going to hug me, kiss me, I'm never going to hear her laugh again

And that breaks me

I cry hysterically, clutching her to me, crying so hard that can't breathe

She's gone. She's really gone

And she's never coming back

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

Once I calm down, I call Tae. They should still be at practice

"Hello?",

"Tae", I say

"Jimin? What's wrong?", he asks immediately

"It's Joanne Tae. She's gone"

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"She....she took all her pills...she's....She killed herself....I.....came home and found her. She left me a letter", I choke out

"WHAT? Jimin are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm holding her now. She's...she's cold. She's not breathing. She has no heartbeat. I....I found her like this"

"OH MY GOD!", he shouts

"What? What happened? Who are you talking to?", Jungkook asks

"Why are you crying Tae?", Jin asks

"It's...It's....Joanne. She uh, she...she...suicide", Tae chokes

"WHAT? No she didn't", Namjoon exclaims

"She wouldn't", Yoongi argues

"She did! I'm on the phone with Jimin now"

"Put it on speaker phone", Hobi demands

"Jimin, what the hell are you talking about?", Namjoon asks

I repeat to them what I told Tae

"She's really....she's gone?", Yoongi asks sadly

"Yes. I....I don't know what to do. Who do I call? I don't want her taken from me. I don't know how to plan a funeral. What do I do?", I sob

"We're coming Jimin ok? Where are you? We're going to come and were going to help you", Jin assures me

"She's everything. What am I supposed to do now that she's gone? I can't live without her. I don't want to", I say

"Jimin. Don't do anything ok? She doesn't want you to do anything stupid ok? She loves you and you know she'd never want you to follow her", Namjoon says

"I just want her back"

"I know Jimin. Are you home?", Hobi asks

"Yes"

"Don't move, don't do anything Jimin. We're coming right now", Jungkook answers

"Ok", I say then hang up

I just want to stay with her, hold her until they come to take her away from me. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without her

I'm so lost

I hold her tighter, kissing her forehead

I close my eyes and wait

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends.

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a person of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually)

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally.

Series masterlist

Part 2 — Part 3

“Really? it's not too much, isn't it?” Amanda asked checking her ass in the full-length mirror on the closet door. “I feel overdressed, look at you!” She pouts pointing the plain outfit of Sofia.

“What?” She shrugged looking down at her clothes, white halter crop top with skinny black jeans and Adidas kicks. “Well, I'm not trying to impress anyone.”

“It's too much. I'm putting some jeans and a blouse.” She said shaking her head and walked to her friend to unzip her dress. Amanda let it fall on the floor and walked half-naked to the closet.

“Keep the shoes, though. They're sexy.” Sofía pointed out walking to the bed and laid down across it, watching her friend change. “Dude, I haven't seen you this nervous in a while.” She laughs.

“It's because I'm meeting his friends and you're meeting him,” Amanda explained pulling her long legs into some blue jeans.

“I always hated your boyfriends, from the get-go. Always.” Sofía said with a frown. “But he seems sweet,”

“Yes,” Amanda said with a smile, stopping what she was doing to give her a look. “He's sweet, real sweet.” she wiggles her eyebrows at her.

“Thanks for the image of you blowing the guy now.” Sofía laughed throwing her a pillow, that Amanda catches mid-air and throws it back at her.

“Wouldn't be the worst thing you catch me doing,” Amanda laugh and slip into her shoes again. “Remember ass-Steven-hole?”

“Ugh, God. I don't want to.” Sofía laughed shaking her head and get off the bed. “Let's go, señorita. Let's meet at the novio.”

“Why are you Spaninglish?” Amanda asked walking out if the room. “Wait. You high?”

“Nope.”

She was so fucking high.

—

The place was a bar downtown, nice, and had the perfect amount of people not to be overcrowded. There were a few pool tables on the back, darts, and even recently they attached a little dance floor.

Amanda wanted to come here because it was Latino night, not only because Sofia was Latina but it was mostly she liked the music and wanted to dance around and have a really good night.

“Now I know why you wanted to come,” Sofía said eyeing the banner hanging outside, 'latino night' it read. “Seems like a nice place, are they already inside?”

“Yeah,” Amanda said checking her phone. “They're in the back by the pool tables.” She said and grabbed Sofia’s hand and dragged her inside.

“Wait, wait,” Sofía said halting to a stop. “Look at that girl, good God.” The girl said, appreciating the other girl, slightly shorter than her with long strawberry blonde and bright green eyes, she was a contrast of Sofia’s appearance she was about 5’10”-ish, had deep black hair and stopped right in her clavicles with very loose curls, his eyes were the perfect shade of black, giving her a unique stare, her skin was brown also had a whole arm tattooed.

“We didn't even get to where they are, could you like to say hi and then go hunting?” Amanda pouted looking at the girl too, “And she's way to straight to your bisexual charms.” she pointed out like the girl in question wrapped her arms around some guys' neck.

“The cute ones are always straight.” Sofía scoffed shaking her head and walked along, laughing. “Alright, alright.”

“Sofi, can I ask you something?” Amanda stopped and turn around to give her friend's look, beating her eyelashes. Sofia rolled her eyes and sigh, already knowing what she was talking about.

“I'll try to behave.” She said with a pout not really waiting for Amanda for asking; Sofia had a habit of annoying the absolute fuck of her when she liked someone, or when the guy was an absolute asshole she would let said dude know and whatever was there too. “If he's an asshole, I won't shut it.”

“He's not an asshole, I promise.” Her friend beamed and grabbed her hand, leading her back to the end of the bar.

—

Chris was on his fourth beer when his friend, Luke, scrambled out of the booth and stand up, searching for someone on the crowd

“What's going on?” He asked and gave him a weak punch on the back of his arm.

“Mandy's here with her friend,” Luke answered him and wave his hand. Chris nod and look at where a beautiful, emphasis on beautiful blonde walked into his arms and crush her lips on his mouth.

The blonde girl, Mandy—he was sure now. Was still holding another girl's hand and when he lay eyes on the girl…

“Holy shit,” Chris mumbled as soon his eyes landed on that beauty, perfect everything. The kind of girl he described when someone asked what would be his dream girl. No more describing, there she was on the flesh.

“Hi, I'm her evil twin.” Sofía introduced herself as she shakes Luke's hand and he let out a heartfelt laugh.

“She is though, don't know why you laughing,” Amanda told Luke holding the laugh and his face change, fearing that he had fucked up. “Oh no, we're just fucking with you.” Amanda quickly said with a laugh and lean over to plant a kiss on him again.

“Oh, That's how it's gonna be?” He asked shaking his head, smiling while holding Amanda from her waist.

“Probably,” Sofía laughed. “Nice to meet you, dude. I've heard a lot about you.”

“Nice things, I hope.” He said with a smile.

“Oh yeah,” Sofía said winking at Luke and Amanda facepalmed herself and he let out another laugh.

“Sofia,” Amanda said with a warning. “You promise!”

“I say that I'll try and I'm trying but when it's that easy I can't help myself, Amanda,” Sofía explained. “He's laughing, look!” She pointed at Luke chuckling. “It's all good, Brenda Bunson.” She said nudging her friend.

And she's funny, Chris added to his quick list in his mind of all the things he liked about her now. He was about to get up and get all over that but she quickly disappeared in the crowd after exchanging a few extra words.

With a sip of his beer he did get up to greet Amanda, she was nice and funny too. Easily could see how Luke was crazy about her, they sat back down on the booth, still waiting at some other friends.

“Oh, this is Sofia’s beer!” Amanda exclaimed looking at the label on Chris beer bottle. “She works at the brewery.”

“Sofia is the girl you came with?” Chris asked leaning over the table trying to hear her over the shouting and Amanda nod a few times.

—

Sofia was leaning over the bar, Since Luke was nice, she thought that she will return the gesture and get some drinks on her.

“Hi there,” A random men approached her, elbow resting on the counter trying to be smooth, he obviously has a few drinks in he couldn't even focus on her face, his eyes kept going to her non-existent cleavage, just staring at his tits through her top.

“Hey, man. What's up?” She greeted back because she was nice like that, but not really paying him much attention.

“Not much, until I saw you. Can I buy you a drink?” He offered and she snorts.

“Nah, I already ordered. Thanks anyway.” She said giving him a wide smile and turn her attention back to the bartender that was giving her the beers, she was about to pay but the guy decided to pitch in and told the bartender to put it on his tab.

“No really, let me. I can afford it.” He said and Sofia raised an eyebrow while taking the beers and downing the two shots of whiskey to take the edge off. “Damn, you can drink too.”

“Look, thanks for the beers but I'm here with my friends. We're just chilling” She said pointing at her table. “I have to go.” Sofía nod at him and went about her way.

“Okay, okay. I get it,” He said getting in front of her. “What about a dance, later.”

“Yeah, sure. Alright.” She said with a shrugged. “Bye.” Sofía smiled and walked past him going back the to table, where Amanda was laughing with Luke's friend.

Sofia squints her eyes, do I know this dude? She asked herself, yes yes I do. She resolved after a few seconds. But from where? Oh shit—Did I fucked this dude? She panic because she wasn't up for an awkward meeting. Sofia retracted and wiped out her cellphone.

Who dat??????? I know him😐

Sofia saw how she quickly tipped back on her phone and read the incoming message.

CAPTAIN AMERICA. I'm freaking the fuck out, Luke's like his BFF. Oh my God oh my god.

Sofia’s soul came back to her body as she let out the air she was holding and give her a quick response.

Oh, I thought I fucked him and this thing was going to be awkward.

She put her phone back to her back pocket and grabbed the beers from the empty table and walked back to the booth.

“Hey, the evil twin is back!” Luke joked and Sofia laughed. “And brought beer!” He said grabbing two beers from Sofia’s hand.

“She's nice like that,” Amanda said chugging down half a glass, she was freaking out.

“Mm—Sofía this is my dude, Chris. Chris, this is Sofia the evil twin.” Luke said chucking introducing those two.

“Hi, nice to meet you!” Sofía said leaning down and give him a kiss on the cheek and Chris downright flushed.

“Likewise, Thanks for the beer!” He said scooting further into the booth giving her some space, he was dumbfounded.

So fucking gorgeous. After a few more beers and the fact that more of Luke's friends came along with some girlfriends, they all decided to move to another booth on the dance floor.

Amanda was getting wasted with Luke and Sofia was mildly drunk, still drinking beer with the occasional shot that one of the guys keeps giving her, she was engaged in a conversation with Chris and a few other guys.

Amanda was looking at them and Luke nudge her on her side.

“I think Chris likes her,” He said and Amanda gives him an obviously look.

“Don't you say,” She laughed. “Look at his body language, it's all over her. Leaning over, touching her, and pretty much batting his eyelashes at her.”

“He's back with his girlfriend, again. It's pretty messy…” Luke said looking at them.

“Keep spilling that tea, baby,” Amanda said sucking the straw from her drink and Luke let out a laugh.

“He's not really the kind of dude to cheat on their girlfriends. It's not going to happen anything.”

“And Sofía it's not really the type to mess with someone she knows it's already taken,” Amanda replied.

“It's a conundrum,” Luke said burping, and Amanda couldn't feel more in love with this gigantic dork.

—

“I don't know how you do it, I'll be constantly drunk and not be able to do my job.” Ryan, one of Luke's friends said at Sofia, they were talking about her work at the brewery.

“The first month I was working drunk,” They laughed.

“Are you serious?” Chris asked taking a swing of his beer.

“Yes!,” She exclaimed. “Free beers for the employees and everyone is drinking all the fucking time. I had to keep up!” Sofía explained emptying her beer in one go. “And I wasn't an avid beer drinker, like now,” She said shaking the empty beer bottle. “imma get one more, you guys want another?”

“No for me, I think I'm gonna head out.” Ryan said pointing with his head at her girlfriend barely walking back from the bathroom. “Such a lightweight. Two beers, I swear.” He laughed getting up from the booth and quickly go to get her, shouting his goodbyes over his shoulders.

“She'll be fun to get into a taxi.” Sofía frown watching Ryan struggle a little bit, the girl was being a little touchy. Chris chuckle and she looked at him. “Want one?”

“Yeah, thanks.” He smiled and watched her go until he felt a punch in his arm.

“Dude, dude.” It was Luke making a face, Chris understood perfectly because he knew that she'll be trouble, sweet sweet trouble.

—

You know how awful was someone whispering into your ear “you owe me a dance” accompanied by the stench that someone how was way passed in drinks had and their fucking wandering hands.

“Man, you need to back off,” Sofía said taking his hands off her and started to walk to the bar, this men was hot on her heels, it was the same one that offered to buy her drinks a while back.

“Hey, don't walk away,” He slurred at her, way more intoxicated than before. When Sofia didn't even acknowledge that he spoke at her, things escalate. “Hey, hey you owe me a fucking dance!” He shouted at her, rather angry, and grabbed her by the arm while she waited by the bar for the beers. He turned her around and started to drag her to the dance floor.

“Let go, asshole!” She said grabbing his hand and remove it from her arm and pushed him making him stumble backward a few steps. The idiot, cursed her and stumble forward and attempt to grab her again but Sofia was quicker and sucker punch him sending his drunk ass to the ground, blood pouring off his nose.

“Holy shit,” She heard Chris mumble behind her, who had seen the idiot drag her and came to help, but she already helped herself out.

“You fucking bitch! are you insane?” The dude said scrambling back from the floor and started walking back at her but Chris put a hand on his chest and hold him there.

“Back the fuck off, man.”

“She's fucking crazy,” The dude said and wipe the blood from his nose and went off again and this time Chris pushed him.

“Back off, leave her alone.” He told him pulling his Steve Rogers captain voice and some people started to recognize him. The dude went off again, but Sofia couldn't help herself and pushed him back to the ground and grabbed Chris's hand.

“Come on, we need to go.” She said dragging him off the club with one hand and texting with her.

Mand, I punch a dude, I'm outside with Chris! 😂

“Mandy is going to freak out,” Sofía said as they waited by the side of the bar where just a couple of persons minding their own business to notice him. She laughs as she took her hand, it kind of hurts.

“You okay?” Chris asked grabbing her hand to look at it.

“Yeah,” She said looking at his hands inspecting and hers. “A little shaken up,” Sofía laughed. “But it was kind of awesome.”

Chris let out a laugh as he, not really wanting because her hands were soft, let go of her hand. “It was a mean punch, really.”

“I know, right?!” She exclaimed as she acted up the punch again making him laugh again and her hand hurt a little.”Ow.”

“You need some ice,” Chris said grabbing her hand again. “So it doesn't swell.”

“Sofi!” Amanda comes out running on little steps for her high heels, Luke was close behind with her purse and both of their coats. n “Mandy, I'm fi—

“Are you okay?!” Her friend said as she looked over her, grabbing her hand from Chris and looked it over. “Does it hurt? you need an ice pack.”

“I'm fine,”

“Are you?”

“Yes, mother.”

Amanda glare her and rolled her eyes at her, the blonde looked back at the two boys and invite them over, the night still young she said.

[wooyoungqueen]

Everyone we are almost to the end of this beautiful wonderful story. A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL WILL BE OVER SOON!!! And I want to say thank you everyone who reading i appreciate it also I can't be sad that this long book is almost over. In the beginning and look how far we made it through. And here it is the book cover of part 4

Part 4

Ch.36

Title: A deal with the devil

Warning: soft, emotional, smut.

Tagging: @rosegaming117 ,@spacepiratehongjoong @snailosaur @leaderienugie @immortal-imagination @truthhurts-atiny98

Today is the day I'm gonna be Mrs. Choi, when they were done putting my vail on I looked myself  into my mirror and smiled until Julia came in her bridesmaid  dress. Her belly is getting bigger by the minute  and I'm glad she's  here with me on this very special day. Well I'm glad everyone is here but most importantly my older sister, and I'm glad that she gave me her blessing. I was waiting for her blessing and finally this day I got it.

"Can't  believe that, I'm getting married. Mom, your little daughter is getting married and I wish you were here as well." I smiled and bowed to the ladies who were leaving, I smiled at my wedding dress and my bouquet  of red roses. "Hey, can I come in?" "Of course sis, close the door please.” She nodded and closed the door carefully then I hugged her tightly. “Thank you, thank you for giving me your blessing, big sister.” “Of course, Maria. I prefer you as a sister instead of forgive  me to say her name but rather Kim Soojin. At least the Choi mansion is gonna be filled with light, and bright roses.” I hugged her carefully since she was pregnant and then smiled. “Your belly is getting big.” “Well, I am eating for two now. But I am glad wooyoung is with me on this, he and yeosang are getting the nursery room ready. They haven’t painted it because we are all waiting.” I smiled when Yeosang came in wearing a suit, for the first time ever and he was telling me. “San is taking my best friend away from me. But if he hurts you in any kind, don’t forget to tell me.” We both laughed at him flexing his muscles than I said to him. “I will tell you, Yeosang thank you for walking me down the aisle.” “Actually, I gave the job to your older brother, and I will be the ring carrier. Seonghwa is your older brother and a father to you Maria.”  I hugged him and tried not to cry than Seonghwa came in. “Hey baby sis, guy’s do mind if I could say some words to my baby sister.” “Sure, come on Yeosang.” I saw my best friends leaving the room yeosang being a gentleman and helping her to walk than I looked at my brother. “Today is the day that my baby sister is growing up. I feel like a proud father. I kept my promise to mom that i would take care of you and I did.” “I love you big brother, and you're the best sibling that I ever have. Also I hope to god that you find someone who loves you, just for you.” We both stood there hugging each other as he pulled away and I locked my arm with his. “San, take good care of her. Please.” “Of course, Seonghwa and I will be together forever.” I smiled and then we prayed. “In the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit, Amen. Children of god, today is a very special day for these two lovely souls. San and Maria, may i have the godparents of lace please.” We smiled when Yunho and Jongho place it around our necks and yeosang step forward with the wedding rings, and the priest  blessed them, than Wooyoung and Julia step forward. For the coins to be blessed, after we said our i do’s. “I choi, San. take Maria to be my beloved wife, until love, and death tear us apart.” I smiled and then I took the ring and said. “I Park Maria, take Choi San to be my beloved husband. Until our love, and death tear us apart.” We both smiled and saw everyone smiled. Then the priest said. “If no one wants these two to get married, speak now or forever hold your peace. Then San you may kiss the bride.” When I felt his lips brushed against mine I felt heaven on earth, he grabbed my hand and went out of the church and saw everyone clapping, our friends that became our family.

~

When we reach to the party we sat in our chairs and saw everyone dancing. Than we both dance happily to our song, until he was humming along with it and i told him, how much I loved him with all my heart. 

“San, my love. I love you so much. You don’t have an idea of how much I love you.” “Maria, I love you more, you're my other part. I can’t believe that we are a married couple now.” I kissed him passionately and then he took me to a room and locked the door and started to attack my neck. All I could do was to moan how his tongue was nibbling on my sweet spot then he lay me down in the bed and looked at him. “I want you to be my first, San. please claim  me.” “Of course Mrs. Choi, you belong to me, and this body is mine only.” I smiled than he began to remove my wedding dress, and shoes. Than he pulled away to take off he’s jacket, he tied my hands together with his belt and I could tell that lust was full of eyes and stuck his ring finger and middle finger and started to thrusted. “You like that my princess, you like your king fucking you with his fingers.” “Y-yes my king~ your Queen loves it so much. Omg f-fuck yes.” He kissed my lips again and then felt his fingers  going faster. “San, fuck me with your cock. Please my king~” “my pleaser, ugh my god my Queen your tight. Your walls are clinching on my dick.making me go deeper.” He thrusted and then I moved a bit since it was my first time then he removed the belt away and clawed his bare, well toned back. He pulled out when I was about to reach my high and I felt his tongue working with my pussy. Then pulled his hair to go even deeper at this point I clinched our bed sheets. Couldn’t deal with the pleasure anymore than I came all over his mouth and licked my juices then pushed himself in and began to thrust while holding my hips. “Fuck baby, your taking my cock very well. You like it when I fuck you from behind.” “yes my king~ i'm your Queen please make me cum again.” I moved my hips on my own and moaned his name. “San, please I can’t any longer.” “Look at yourself in the mirror, while i fuck you my Queen. Shit i’m gonna come in or out.” “Cum inside of me, fill me up with your cum.” He came while kissing my shoulder and he thrusted a bit then pulled out and lay down next to me. “I love you baby, my queen, my everything.” “I love ya more, I don’t want to go back to the party.” “Same here, but our guest.” I looked at him and said. “Let’s stay like this for a bit.” “Okay my queen.” I traced my fingers in his tone abs. And smiled when he went to bed a bit, and I did too. After our nap we got cleaned up, redo my hair and make-up and walked down to greet the guest. “Welcome, thank you all of you guys for joining us on this very special day. Enjoy the drinks, food and the music guys but i will make a toast to everyone especially to my family. And I like to call Julia and Wooyoung to sing for us. “Come on love. Easy steps.” “What song do you want us to sing?” I smiled and then said. “How about everytime we touch.” “You got it.” Everyone was cheering and started to dance, when they finished we all clapped. “Bravo! You guys were amazed,  your voice’s perfect sync. Thank you so much guys.” We all dance and enjoyed the night and I gotta say this was the best wedding night that I have ever had. Also having the family picture of everyone. 

[irepookie]

Infinity Chapter 4-

Meet The Family (PT.1)

Summary: QUEEN AU where Rog (aka Rowan Queen) is a young single dad struggling to make it into music industry.

Warnings: not really. Just fluff, sappiness and swearwords here and there

Disclaimer: I don't own the pictures. The boys are based on Queen, but Piper, Gina and Callie are mine

John: Rick Lincoln (Cause he is John Richard Deacon born on August 19th 1951™™™™™)

Brian: Terry Garrett (Cause my uncle used to have a black puddle named Terry and I had no choice)

Freddie: Len Mars (Yea I couldn't help myself)

Chapter 4- Row opens up with the boys about the raisin.

“I'm a dad”........

"Okay, let's... let's get over this again: A daughter?" Terry, the band's guitarist couldn't believe his ears.

"Yes, Terry. A daughter" Row repeated for the 19th time from the other side of the phone.

"A baby." Len said, taking another sip of his tequila.

"No, a 30 year old alpaca." Row said sarcastically. "Yes, a goddamn baby. Fucking gorgeous, just so you know"

"And you're gonna keep her." Rick, who had been quietly plunking his bass' strings, added. "Are you sure?"

"It's done. I've already kept her. And it's not like I'm rescuing a shelter dog. She's mine. Period."

"Sorry, was just trying to... Wrap my head around it"

To be honest, Row still couldn't quite believe it (that he was a father). Not even now, as he tried to convince his best friends while holding his girl with the other arm.

"And is your mom okay with it?" Terry asked

He scoffed, clutching his Lil raisin close at the thought "My mom has no say in this".

"But she knows" Rick said.

He sighed "Yes, she knows. And she was a bitch about it, okay? She can disown me for all I care". It's not like there was much to inherit, anyway.

There was a general sigh from his three best friends.

"And what are you gonna do?"

" 'bout what?"

"Um, I don't know, man. About School? Maybe about your life in general?"

"School ain't something I'm worrying about".

"What a surprise" Rick rolled his eyes.

"But you're still in the band right?" Len said

"Oh, of course. Of course. You guys are gonna be the only ones keeping me sane"

They chuckled

"But we ain't gonna babysit for you, huh?"

"As if you knew anything about babies"

"Well, the same as you." Terry said

"Just what I was saying: nothing at all" Row grinned

"Her future looks bright, then" Len half teased.

"Incandescent, in fact" Row could pretty much hear Terry's arched eyebrow.

The youngest member could only roll his eyes and try not to take it as an insult. He knew this was a lot to process all of a sudden and that in the inside, beyond the sarcasm and teasing, they were happy for him.

"Whatever, guys" he replied, as Pips began to frown. He sighed, knowing that meant smelly treat was on its way "Gotta go. By the way, she just told me she thinks you guys stink" he grinned, before hanging up.

The other three men exchanged a confused glance, and stayed in silence for a minute, until Len broke it:

"I say he'll go completely nuts in seven days".

"That long? Nah, I think less than 24 hours after they leave the hospital." Terry said

Len smirked "Bet?"

"I'm a bit tight at the moment, pal"

"Then not money. If I win, you'll be my model for the midterm design project. It's 30's fashion. For ladies, of course".

"Ok. But if I win you'll do my chores for a whole weeks."

"A whole week?!"

"Seven days, if you prefer it."

They shook hands "Deal. Rick? Join us?"

"I actually rather believe that they'll be alright" Rick got up and stretched.

"Well of course they will. Eventually. Row always figures things out." T said

"The fun part is to watch him go crazy in the meantime" Len chuckled "Like when he first moved in and left a fork in the plate when first using the microwave"

They laughed, remembering how their friend had called them at 9 PM in panic, screaming the microwave had exploded.

"Let's just hope for the best. I mean he seemed quite sure of himself this time. And who knows, maybe being a dad is the best way to grow up." Rick defended

"Yea, well a bit radical, don't you think?" Len said

"Like sock therapy. If smokers quit when diagnosed with lung cancer, maybe Row settles down now he has a baby"

"I just still don't get why he didn't just put her in adoption" T said

Rick shrugged "Would you if you were in his shoes?"

"Absolutely"

"That's exactly how Row would've answered, say, a week ago. That's what we all answer. Until it really happens. I think it's one of those situations where you can't really picture until you live it."

"But this is Rowan Queen we're talking about. Rowan <<Made out with both Jones Twins at the same party Cause I didn't remember which was which>> Queen. I mean, he does know that a kid is gonna freeze his sex life for indefinite time, right? What the hell was going through his head?" Terry said

"I can't believe you think that." Len interjected "I mean, I'm the one who's never gonna be a dad here, and the one who failed biology, but even I get it. He met her right? Before any decision was made, he met her. Once you meet your kid, you're tangled up forever. And you might think you're not but if you give them away you'll never get rid of a feeling of remorse."

"Wow, Lenny, that was deep"

"Yea, where'd you get that from?"

"Just common sense."

"Funny, considering you're the one who's started the bet" Rick grinned

"One thing doesn't prevent the other. And out of the two of us, I'm the optimistic! He gave him one day, I gave him seven! I trust him"

"Well I'm not sure if I do. I mean, I love him, he's a great guy, a great musician, and everything else, but he's not reliable. Remember his first job as a waiter? I'm still waiting for the fish and chips I ordered last April"

The other two chuckled "I once lent him a t-shirt, and I swear I saw Liz Michael's wearing it" Len said

"See what I mean?"

"Yes, well, we can't do anything about it, T. It's his life"

"But this affects us too, one way or another. This affects the band. And he didn't even consult us"

"Well what did you expect him to do? Call and go <<Hey guys, are you fine with me having a daughter? No? Okay, just checking. Bye>>?" Rick imitated a phone with his hand, doing a decent impression of their friend's high voice.

"A head's up would have been nice"

"Terry, just chill for fucks shake. I mean, this is unexpected, but Row's our best friend, our brother, and we have to support him. Because, if he's a dad, that's makes us her uncle's. And it'll be fun having a little niece we can spoil" Len smiled at the idea.

"Spoil? With what money?" Terry, always realistic, put his hands on his hips

"With the upcoming tour's, of course darlings" he twirled majestically around the room

"First, that's in four months" Rick reminded

"If it does happen at all"

They still had one last song to arrange And record. Plus, they didn't know how Row was gonna make it work now he had a baby. But nobody addressed that concern out loud.

"Oh don't be so goddamn negative, fellas! C'mon! We're uncle's! Row's made a very important, life-changing, mature decision, and we should be proud of him. So" he went to the fridge and returned with three beers "I say we toast for him and the lil Queenie"

The other two grinned and accepted the cans, opening them.

"Oh, I say we Split a fourth beer in his behalf, cause parents shouldn't drink while breastfeeding" Terry mocked, earning a laugh

"To the Queens" Rick raised his can "For our little bro to take this seriously and not fuck this kid up"

"To the Queens" Terry and Len crashed theirs as well.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Meanwhile, in the hospital...

"Goddamn it, raisin! How can someone so small produce so many colors of something so stinky?" Row exclaimed, holding his breath as he clipped the fresh nappy on his daughter "We only feed you milk! Like... Like white milk! How can you turn a white liquid into rainbow pudding? Holy shit" he held the dirty one at arms length and threw it in the bin "It's a damn good thing I love you, cause I won't do this for anyone else" he told her, lifting her up to his chest again before walking around the room

"You gonna be a good girl for me for the next eighteen years? Huh?" He kissed her chubby cheek "What am I saying? You're my daughter, of course you're gonna be a trouble maker. But we'll get along, you'll see. I ain't gonna be like my parents. Don't worry. I won't be a bloody pain in the ass like mom, and I will never ever do anything my old man did. That I can promise. But I gotta admit I do want you to be like Gina. Yea, she's a control freak sometimes, but let's face it: she's gotta be the strongest person I've ever met. You should've seen her kicking the bastard out the house. She took no shit."

He smiled somewhat proudly at the memory, and for a second forgot how mad he was at her for turning her back on them.

"You wanna be a badass gurl like her? Huh? Yes you do. Yes you do" he cooed, craning his neck so he could brush his nose with her little button one. Her fist chose to close around the nearest strands of blond hair on reach, which he found secretly adorable.

But a part of him did wish he had mom's support. After all, despite the rough patches through his teens, they had always had each other's back; through thick and thin. She had have to raise him all alone, and although he hadn't even begun with Pips, he already knew it hadn't been easy. She may be stern, and a bit inflexible when it came to negotiating allowance. She could come across as rude if you caught her in the wrong mood (which many neighbors had) but above all she was a good person and a good mother.

And looking back, he hadn't been such a great son. He could have been more responsible, less handful and more obedient. Less rebellious, too. He could have thanked her more often for the thousand things she did everyday. For the meals. For all the jobs she had taken to provide for the two of them. For the surprise birthday gift she had got him with the money she had been saving: a real drum kit. For helping him move out her house into that one room crappy appartement which would be Pip's home.

But still she had rejected Piper without a second thought, regardless of her anger towards him; Pips was her granddaughter, she had done nothing wrong and as her father, Row doubted he would ever forgive Gina.

He sighed, untangling the hand of his hair and bringing it to his lips "But you don't have to worry about all that. Just concentrate on staying strong and growing up. And I promise I'll focus all of me on being the best dad. That you'll never miss a mom cause you don't need one. You've got me and I swear I'll be enough. Even if I'm still young: I'll have it all more fresh won't I?" He grinned "You're the one person who's never judged me yet, and I don't wanna let you down"

That a was vow. And he was determined to keep it.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

This one goes to my mega-paragraphist @definitely-darcy who's got my engine going through the usual inspiration blocks, and who's reviews help me improve. She's made me believe in this fic, and encouraged me to keep going despite the one digit notes.

Xx- Pookie

[foulanddead]

So I have OCD and my room is completely organized how I want it to be organized also I have to turn off the two light switches next to my door at the same holy fuck I didn't turn off the other light switch next to my door and I don't let anyone touch my stuffed animals and all of my stuffed animals are organized on my bed from biggest to smallest and I make my bed every morning I get my clothes ready at night before I go to sleep I fold them and then I put them by my shoes by my bags that I aligned on the wall next to each other also I clean out my trash can in my room every Monday and every Friday and I wash my clothes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday I put up all of my drawings on my wall and they're all straight only dresser I have all of my PS3 stuff in a perfect line where they all matched at the same angle also some of the decorations I have on my dresser are perfectly organized how I want them to be all of my birthday cards I have are on my wall and all of them are straight and when I turn up the radio or TV I count by fives like 5, 10, 15, 20 etc and and anytime someone messes with my stuff I get really like mad because having everything clean is something that I have control over and I don't really have much control over my life or me in general because I'm really impulsive and I have really bad anxiety issues plus I have bipolar disorder which makes thing hard because my mood is constantly all over the place and it switches so quickly like I could be mad one second and happy another second sometimes I never know how to feel because I have a whole bunch of emotions all at once and it's like I can't decide on how to feel or my emotions get the best of me. I think I have OCD because my mom controls a lot of what I do and how I think sometimes she'll tell me that I'm wrong and this is how I should be thinking and my feelings aren't valid or I'm faking it but a lot of the times I don't know how to feel or when I let my emotions get the best of me she thinks I just want to argue but really I just want to talk it out and she argues everytime I try to talk to her she ignores me or says she's busy when she's actually on Facebook or playing video games on her phone she tries to make me think how she thinks. It gets annoying because I want to think for myself and make some of my own decisions. She always interrupts me when I'm trying to talk to someone like a family member or her but she always tells me that I interrupt her but I never know when I do because my dad tells me that I don't interrupt her I just try to talk to her bit she talks over me, she knows how to make me do what she wants and not what I want and this gives me anxiety and it makes me stress about how I feel and what I should feel and if I should even try to talk to her and I think that's the reason why I have OCD I think it's because I've never been able to speak for myself or think for myself and I get mad when someone messes up something in my room because my room is something that I have control over cleaning helps me relieve all of the stress I have and I get anxious when people cone into my room because my thoughts are scattered like "what if that person messed with my stuffed animals and I get pissed off and they get mad at me and leave and never talk to me again" or "what if they knock something over" I don't let anyone in my room and I hate it when people come in uninvited and I hate it when people come over and touch my stuff and move it around I always stay in my room because I feel safe in there because it's something that I can control like I can control how clean it is and I can draw and watch TV without people yelling at each other or yelling at me. I feel so anxious right now because my mom and I have never gotten along and now that I'm 17 and I'm almost an adult she always says " I have one year to control you" and I think that she should be helping me prepare for becoming an adult but she never listens. It's hard to love someone when it feels like they don't love you back.

[chickenkooks]

HI IM THE SAME AS YOU I JST REALLY NEED AN ASS KICKING TO MOTIVATE ME SO HI BABY MY BLOOD IS PUMPING I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MORE OF YOUR FLAWLESS CHARACTER DYNAMICS U KNOW THE BEAT OF SMOOTH CRIMINAL. THATS MY ADRENALINE THATS HOW HARD MY BRAIN GOES WHENEVER I SEE A NOTIF FROM U YOU CAN DO THIS I BELIEVE IN YOU ANGEL CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO KICK MY ASS WITH THIS UPDATE YOU LEGEND OF WRITING I LOVE U BITCHC! I AINT EVER GNA STOP LOVING U AND UR WRITING!! BITCH!!! ONE DAY ILL SAY THIS OFF ANON - 🐘

Wow that’s wild that was very different from my friendly giant message BUT… yeah im chaotic and Ready And In Love With You And Everything that U do miss cat!!! My gf my queen Who is gonna collectively kill the whole fandom with Her OFF THE CHARTS CHARACTERISATION AND ACCURATE DEPICTIONS. E2L is my fave trope ever and u executed it perfectly and encompassed all the elements that i love abt it- the tension, the uncertainity, the linger…i.. just… wow! I cant wait to see more!!! 💗💞💗💗 - 🐘

Me as annie… annie are you ok.. Tf No I Am Not when this queen right here is toying with my emotions in the best way! 1 second making me laugh fr 5 minutes straight n then tugging at my heartstrings!! That one part. “Its just you, me and my dick now” “and they say romance is dead” THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER THAT RESURRECTED ME JST LIKE U MANAGE TO DO EVERY SINGLE TIME!! UR ALWAYS GOING OFF MISS YOU DONT HAVE TO DO EVERYONE ELSE LIKE THAT AND EFFORTLESSLY BE THE BEST OUT THERE.- 🐘

IM literally always on my dumb shit and so I am now this bitch right here… she’s a tired bi but not tired of loving U… im a terrible anon bc i literally say the same thing to all ppl that impress And endear me at the same time and i…uh you’re the second victim I jUst wanted to get this out there miss cat id eat sand fr u And ur works.. Id swallow an entire island.. everything.. a lamp… ill glug glug if you wanted me to and if that meant you can find the motivation to do what u love! - 🐘

Im sorry if this shshs came on too strongly im jst really. Glad that i found your blog and you’re such a sweet person! And i jst. Wanted to show you my appreciation. In the Gay Way… Today I felt full of love so I was like… lets check how cat is doing.. and now… nOw.. you are stuck with this mass attack in your inbox… N e Ways i meant it all Im ready to glug that lamp and appreciating cat juice!! 💝💘💗💞💝💗💘💞💝💗💘💞💗 Hope u have a nice day n that this was. Also friendly!!! - 🐘

me reading these messages like:

GOD THANK U SO MUCH THOUGH this was really inspiring!!!! not like other messages havent inspired me but THIS REALLY MAKES ME PUMPED I SHALL RE-READ THESE OVER N OVER AGAIN UNTIL PT 5 IS OUT!!!!!! im so fucking happy w how many of u have complimented me on how i wrote the enemies to lovers trope!!!!! nothing against other styles AT ALL but its just not how i like it. enemies to lovers (to me) should NOT be finished in one long oneshot. it just doesnt work that way. enemies to lvoers is the sort of thing u have to build up over a fucking novel. the longer u hold it off, the betterrr it is later on. thats why the jungkook and oc hurdle is gonna be very satisfying. they may be fucking but its not EMOTIONALLY satisfying. itll be satisfying for me to see jungkook start caring about her and even in pt 5, if you pay really close attention, you’ll start to see a few seeds being planted that fly right over his fucking head :-))))) hes that idiot who has to be told by other people how he feels about something IM NOT SAYING HE DOES NOW HELL NO IM JUST SAYING SUBCONSCIOUSLY IN A FAR AWAY LAND HE MAY HAVE ONE OR TWO POSITIVE EMOTIONS ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW is that a spoiler??? idk but u guys deserve it for waiting like fucking five months for this part. im so sorry. ANYWAYSSSSSSSS

THE POINT IS IF U DONT READ A TROPE HOW U WANT THEN JUST WRITE IT URSELF LIKE I DID and omg i know i love the humor in tra!!!! not to stroke my own fucking dick but i add humor into everything i write. MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE THAT Y’ALL HAVE NOT SEEN YET IS THIS EXCHANGE basically jungkook saying something stupid as usual and the oc being like “this is why the aliens havent contacted us” shes so dramatic i love her lets not even mention the scene of jin having to fish out jungkooks underpants from the swimming pool they fucked in last chapter LMFAO i got a lot of plans

REAL TALK THOUGH PT 5 DOESNT START OUT FUNNY ITS ACTUALLY VERY SAD put urself in the ocs shoes. i know she fucking did this to herself but she really tried so hard for this not to happen and she lost her best friend :-( so shes not coping well at all and jungkook (what an angel) tries to help her in the best way he can. which isnt a lot because we all know him by now but still. BUT WOW IM TALKING SO MUCH I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS STORY

THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN TELL EVERYONE U LOVE THIS IM SURE THEYLL APPRECIATE IT JUST AS MUCH AS MEEEE i love the intensity RIGHT NOW IM IN AN INTENSE MOOD BECAUSE I JUST MADE MYSELF PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE DOUGH AND HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING