#i just cant help myself okay

[bugstung]

Empires smp season 1 and season 2 lineup comparison!

[blackkatdraws2]

There are more things in the Parable than Stanley knows about. [Blank Scripts AU]

[whaliiwatching]

kaleidoscopic crush

[clambuoyance]

I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me

[guinevereslancelot]

eye doctor was trying not to scare me today bc i have a sight threatening condition 🥲 it's probably treatable but i need to go to a specialist

[sketchy-tour]

Genuinely, I wonder if my fear of being seen as annoying by commissioning oc x canon is silly or not.

I always get so actually worried that the person I'm commissioning will think I'm weird or if it's an artist who's in the fandom with me I get all worried they probably already draw a lot of oc x canon of the character i like and maybe they're tired of it

How many times can one artist draw Wally Darling kissing a bunch of different ocs before they hate it? Dksjfjkskdjd

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[creaturefeaster]

sigh

[erixyin]

Poison Running Through My Veins | Part 1

Another Eddie Munson x reader fic! I'm sorry it took so long but I had no inspiration for ages and then BOOM all of the sudden and I'm like okay guess I'm writing until midnight.

And I'm introducing my other red flag of a man, Billy Hargrove. Yes. He's alive in this okay and no I don't care about canon right now.

Summary/ Idea: Eddie sees you in school parking lot being very close with your ex. Jealousy and angst ensues.

I swear this was supposed to be a fun little idea and it just ended up turning into this. Whatever this is.

Warnings: Eddie Munson x fem!reader, using she/her pronouns, no mention of Y/N, Billy Hargrove is alive, Steve Harrington being a parent and doing damage control, jealousy, angst, pain, tension, little bit of billy hargrove x reader, violent tempers, Eddie be angry and jealous, reference to a Losing Sight of You, argument, possessive!eddie, highly jealous!eddie, crying, so much fucking angst, lmk if I've forgotten any.

Sorry if any errors, I haven't proofread it yet but when I do, I'll edit it properly.

No minors allowed please and thank you.

Words: 3332

I think that's everything :)

Please do not repost anywhere, I will be posting this on my AO3 and putting link here.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Eddie leaned against the side of his van, arms crossed and body slumped hard against the back door. He was trying his hardest not to stare, really, he was. He fidgeted with his rings. He shoved his hands in his pockets. Then crossed his arms. Looking up at the sky, looking to the rest of the parked cars in the school parking lot. He was trying to not stare.

But every time, his eyes would drag back to the same spot he had been staring at for over 15 minutes. His leg bounced as he crossed his arms again. Fighting the urge to draw attention to himself and smack his fist against the van, he shoved his hand into his back pocket to get a smoke. Cursing as his lighter refused to light. "Fucking come on you stupid piece of crap" he muttered, baring his teeth as he grimaced.

"Munson, you alright?"

He almost jumped out of his skin as Steve tapped his shoulder. Eddie swallowed his scream but mouthed 'Jesus H Christ' as he dropped the cigarette that was in his hand, reaching into his back pocket for another one. Eyes flickering back to their original location before, going back to successfully lighting his cigarette and taking a deep drag.

Steve looking at Eddie's obviously flustered state in pure confusion. "Seriously, what is up with you-" Steve followed Eddie's line of sight and let out a small "ah" before falling silent himself and putting his hands on his hips disapprovingly.

Robin coming up to the side of Steve and gagging at the smell of smoke. Then her eyes almost bulging out of her skull at the parking lot, "Holy shit! When did Billy Hargrove get out of hospital??" Instinctively she looked to Steve for answers, but when she was met with an uncomfortably loud silence, she paused.

"Long enough to be chatting up my girlfriend" Eddie spat, quickly finishing the cigarette he only lit a few minutes ago to then scrummage through his pocket for another. As soon as another one was in his hand, Robin snatched it out of his grip.

"Dude, he's not chatting her up. They just used to date" she shrugged unbothered and threw the cigarette away. Turning back to see Steve staring at her like 'why did you do that' and Eddie looking like he was torn between throwing up and killing a man.

"They used to date?!" he hissed, trying to lower his voice. He was aware that the parking lot was practically empty but still.

Steve massaged his temples, "Yeah before the Star Court Mall situation" Eddie grinded his teeth and raked his hand through his hair, wincing slightly at the pain. "Honestly though dude, you shoulda known. It was big news throughout the whole school, Dustin never told you?"

Eddie paused at that. Maybe Dustin did tell him, but he didn't listen because he didn't pay you any attention until the last year of high school. But he remembered one thing. You had definitely never brought it up. You never even mentioned Billy Hargrove. You just mentioned that you had dated someone else before Eddie and frankly, Eddie was delighted. He knew that whoever your ex had been it wasn't something you talked about much. Eddie took that as you didn't think there wasn't much to talk about. Which meant you didn't have any high expectations when it came to dating him. But you still hadn't ever brought up just who your ex was or how it had ended. And that was what was eating him up inside. Especially since he had to hear it from someone else.

He turned his attention back to you and him chatting. Honestly, he wasn't sure why he was getting so worked up over nothing. You were just chatting to him. Sure you had the brightest smile on your face when you had ran over to him, pausing in mid conversation to see a black car pull over in the school parking lot and a tall figure step out. You still had the same smile on your face when the figure had walked over to you, clearly in pain but pushing through. The same smile on your face when he returned it. The same smile when you looked to the ground as Billy winked at you, and Eddie knew you were blushing.

"Munson, you can't take Billy in a fight so don't even try it" Steve said stealing Eddie's concentration. Eddie knew it was in case you looked back and saw how upset he was. Maybe this was why you had never brought it up. He raised his eyebrow at Steve. "Trust me, I tried." Steve said shuddering as he remembered the fight that seemed like forever ago.

"She never brought him up with me" Eddie admitted. Looking at the sky, blinking quickly, running his hand through his hair again. In the however many months you two had been dating and a year of friendship beforehand, you hadn't brought it up once. Robin and Steve gave each other a look.

"It wasn't an easy relationship" Robin offered. She knew the things you had told her. But equally she couldn't let Eddie suffer like this. "She ended it and they stayed close friends" She bit her lip looking at Steve for help.

"How close?" Eddie growled as he watched you stand on your tip toe and lean into a hug with Billy fucking Hargrove. One of his hands on upper waist, lower back, the other is slightly higher up holding you firm against him and yours around his neck.

Energy and rage rattling around inside him, feeling like he was either gonna explode or faint. So, he channelled his rage and as confidently as he could, held himself tall and started walking over. Robin elbowing Steve to catch his attention and he whipped round and saw Eddie striding towards you two. Steve quickly caught u to him, practically running towards you, and clapped his hand on Eddie's back basically telling him to 'cool the fuck down'.

As they got closer Steve called out to you, "Yo man! When did you get out of hospital?" Hearing this, you quickly separated yourself from Billy. Billy didn't let go of you as quickly and let his hands linger on you for a little longer. Your heart did a weird somersault when you turned and saw Steve and Eddie walking towards you. Seeing Eddie's face, you knew it wasn't good, but you pushed those feelings down. As Billy's hand slid down your back, the small shiver that seeped through you, you know Eddie saw.

"You still fucking here Harrington?" Steve rolled his eyes. "And who are you?" Billy scoffed pulling a cigarette out from behind his ear. You inwardly sighed. You knew Billy was deliberately pissing off Eddie. You knew he knew who Eddie was.

Sending a small look to Billy you jumped in before Eddie could retort, "This is my boyfriend, Eddie Munson. You know the guy I told you about, he has a band" You smiled your brightest smile.

"Yeah Corroded Coffin, we play Metallica covers and original songs" Eddie said puffing out his chest a little. He was nothing compared to Billy, even though Billy had been in hospital for months and not near his workout gear for ages. You tentatively tried to stand near Eddie but doing so you ended up being closer to Billy. Not what you had intended.

Eddie slung his arm around you, heavy and tight and you almost toppled over at the sheer aggression of the action. Confused by Eddie's tough guy pretention, you completely missed the way Billy smirked and raised his eyebrows at Steve. Steve just looked like he wanted to really not be there. You glanced behind you seeing Robin with the rest of the kids. You could see there was a discussion going on but you couldn't obviously hear. You just knew it wasn't good with the way Max was looking at you four.

When you thought the testosterone levels were going to explode, the words ended up falling out of your mouth before you could stop them, "We have a gig on Friday, you could come if you wanted to...?" You hadn't meant it to sound like a question and you're not sure why you asked but you'd done it now.

"We? You in the band too?" Billy asked, curiousity twinkling in his eyes and the grip on your shoulder tightened.

"Yeah, the lead singer and Eddie's the guitarist" Steve said trying to quickly end the conversation. He noticed your wince in pain as Eddie's grip on you continued to tighten. Steve gave Eddie a look, but it appeared that Eddie ignored him.

"You're sleeping with the lead guitarist? You're moving up in the world, my girl" At the pet-name you froze and smiled awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Billy was grinning, knowing full well what an absolute shit he was being. Fucking bastard.

Eddie hadn't said a word, but he didn't have to from the way his entire body tensed.

Oh shit

"Anyways. We gotta be going, rehearsal and all that." Eddie said with a tight smile, pulling you away from Billy. You stumbled backwards slightly at the sudden movement and almost fell.

"It was nice seeing you Billy" you managed to say before being dragged away for good. Steve on the other side of you in case you accidentally fell over again.

"See you around doll" You heard Billy call after you. You saw Max walk past you as he yelled, "Oi shithead! Get in the car!" with less animosity than before the Star Court Mall fire but still not with much warmth either.

It was going to be an interesting drive home...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The car ride home was silent. Not even turning on Metallica or Iron Maiden helped the situation. Eddie had ejected the tape and shoved it into his side door pocket mid-way through the song.

You had opened your mouth to speak but got shut down real quick, "Not now" was all Eddie said. His voice remained levelled and calm, which only scared you more.

It was only when he pulled up outside his trailer did you wish you could return to the silence.

"Billy Hargrove, huh" he started. It was phrased as a statement rather than a question, so you didn't answer. He turned to finally look at you and you could see the wildfire behind his eyes. You had never seen Eddie like this. You swallowed and slowly undid your seatbelt.

"When were you gonna tell me that your last ex-boyfriend was Billy fucking Hargrove? The biggest asshole that ever showed up to Hawkins High." Eddie locked the car doors as you tried to reach for the door handle. Oh no.

You didn't usually have big explosive fights. The last fight you had that was this big was when he had been keeping it a secret that he had been doing drug deals and meeting up with Chrissy Cunningham - when both of you knew full well, that he used to have a crush on her since middle school.

"You never asked" you shrugged your shoulders. You knew that wasn't the answer he was looking for, but it was the most straightforward one. Because it was the truth. He hadn't ever asked or pressed further about your past relationship.

"I had to find out from Steve and that was after you had run off to be all flirty with him"

That made your blood boil, "What is that supposed to mean? I wasn't being flirty, you idiot! I was happy that he was finally out of hospital. I was there at Star Court Mall too ya know!" Huffing you put your head in your hands. Completely shocked that you were even having this conversation right now.

"Oh yeah sure that's what we're calling it." He smacked the side of the driving wheel making you almost jump. Eddie talked with his hands, but he never hit things. You started feeling uneasy and trapped.

You ran your hands down your face and tried to keep yourself calm. You knew Eddie would let you out once he had calmed down a bit. You just had to get him there. "Oh my god what is going on? I love you - you absolute dumbass! I'm with you, I sleep with you, I practically almost live with you considering how much I come round to yours." You voice sounding strangled at the end. "Why are you so worked up about this?"

Looking at him exasperated you could see his eyes still blazing with unquenched fire.

Then it dawned on you.

"Are you jealous?" You looked at him as you waited for a response. When none came and he looked down at the steering wheel biting his lip, you gasped. "You are jealous! Is this what this is all about?" You relaxed into your chair your mind going hazy with both disbelief and shock. "So, cards on the table. You go and sneak off with your middle school crush for weeks on end, during which you avoid me, and I have to find you and confront you about it. But on the other hand, I'm just talking to my ex-boyfriend in a friendly way, and you fly off the handle after not even 20 minutes?!"

You waited for his response. When none came you clicked the air in front of his face annoyed. "Hello? Got nothing to say? What, did you lose your argument when you realised that you got nothing to be angry about?"

When he just looked at you, you just sunk back down into your chair. Arms crossed, annoyed and exasperated that your boyfriend was even angry about this in the first place. Gently rubbing your thumb over the part of your shoulder he had been gripping tightly during your encounter with Billy, you bit the inside of your cheek. You weren't sure what on earth you had to do to prove to Eddie that you weren't going anywhere and that he shouldn't be jealous. But from his expression and the way anger was still flowing through him, you knew your words would fall on deaf ears.

"Let me out of the car Eddie" you said. Feeling claustrophobic in the car with all this anger and negativity swirling around in front of you, you needed to in the fresh air.

"Not until you promise me you won't see him again" Eddie breathed out, staring ahead of him at the trailer door.

You looked at him thinking that he was joking. But the look on his face said that he was definitely not. Still, "you're kidding" you scoffed. He couldn't be serious. Eddie had never been like this with anyone else. He was jealous of Steve, you knew that, especially at the beginning of the relationship. But he had never said that you couldn't see him. This was ridiculous.

"Promise me" Eddie responded in a monotone voice. He still wasn't looking at you.

"Eddie, you're scaring me. Please let me out of the car" you tried again. A tremor of fear ran up your spine and you saw Eddie finally look at you. The fire behind his eyes was gone but the poison that had inflicted him with this jealousy. The poison was still there. His pupil massive, like he was on something. You could see it in the way he stared at you expressionless. Your heart rate quickening.

You've never known Eddie to be scary like this. This kind of possessiveness reminded you of home and the flashback memories started coming to the front of your mind. Your hand fumbled as you tried frantically to jiggle the door handle, but it was still locked.

Eddie grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him, "Am I your replacement for him? What, we both listen to heavy rock and know about the Upside Down so you think 'yeah I can replace him with another fucking weirdo'? Were you planning on leaving me as soon as he got better?" As you shook your head repeatedly, his grip on your wrist tightened, "Now, promise me" he said each word slowly. Over punctuating each syllable.

"Eddie, please." your voice trembled with fear and pain. Where he was holding you on your wrist was aching and you could see your hand turning blue with lack of blood circulation.

You saw something flash behind his eyes and all of a sudden, his pupils returned back to regular size, and he let go of you. He unlocked the doors and stayed sat inside the car before jumping out and slamming his door shut. You shrunk back at the noise, your body taught with fear and caressing the purple bruise forming around your wrist from how tightly Eddie had been holding you.

You slowly got out of the car, legs wobbling slightly. Closing the door slowly, you leaned against the cool metal of the van. Breathing deeply, you sighed at the fight that had just unfolded. Your head was swimming with thoughts. Why was Eddie so jealous of Billy? Was he this jealous of Steve when he was first introduced to the gang? None of what he said he meant right? You could provide no answers to the questions swirling inside your mind. But you heard footsteps, so you straightened up, ready in case Eddie wanted a round 2.

You felt yourself be pulled into a gentle hug. Your nose breathing in his scent slowly. Still trying to keep your breathing steady so that you didn't start crying. "I'm so sorry for how I was with you then. I just got so angry" Your face buried into his hair so you could barely hear what he was saying over the sound of your mind and your heartbeat. "My dad used to lose his temper like that with me, I guess I lived up to the Munson name." You knew he was trying to apologise and make a joke out of it, but it felt like he was excusing his behaviour to genetics. You made a small 'hmm' noise in response and the hug became slightly tighter

You pulled away first. "I'm gonna go home. I need to be on my own for a bit" you murmured. Refusing to look him in the eye, because you were still terrified, you'd see the poison still there and also because you knew if you looked at him, you would definitely lose all control of your emotions and weep.

"I'll call you?" He offered. You simply nodded. Your vocal cords tired after the short but explosive fight. He'd let you walk to your trailer across the trailer park by yourself. He knew he had overstepped the line and he knew that you needed space. He sighed. "I've really fucked this up" he pinched the bridge of his nose and walk walked into his trailer when you began walking away.

As you made your way passed Max's trailer you stopped to pet one of your neighbours' dogs. The silly good boy wagged his tail and whined, putting his paw up against the fence. "I'm fine, I promise" you managed a small smile when you reached through the fence to scratch his ears. A couple of small tears escaped through the quick blinking of your eyes. You used your other hand to wipe them away, pausing when you saw the bruise on your wrist develop fully.

The doggy whined and sniffed at your hand before licking your fingers softly. "Thanks for making me feel a bit better" you let out a soft laugh at the feeling. "You're a good boy" you said, and the doggy woofed in response, clearly pleased.

"And here's me thinking you'd only call me that"

You turned around too quickly, almost losing your footing, but a large hand caught you by the waist in time. You recognised the voice and the hand simultaneously.

"Hi billy"

================================================

if you liked this please like, comment, follow and reblog for more. This is going to end up being more chapters because I have so many ideas of where I want this to go. Hope you enjoyed!

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

[grollow]

personal under the cut

I've been without a job.

For almost a year.

I had one for like a month and it didn't work out.

Ive applied to over 500 jobs and I've gotten under 10 interviews. I'm so bad at them.

It's so hard and demoralizing to feel like there's something wrong with me. Like I'm too old to get a proper job, like my skills are too niche. Unattractive physically and I am female-presenting and I know that is getting counted against me because HR is awful.

I can't get past my depression to work on commissions properly (thank you to the people I owe them I swear I havent forgotten you, I'm closed for a reason) and I feel like I'm slowly drowning.

Genuinely I don't know what to do anymore. I try and try and try and it's just oppressive.

Lies face down on the floor.

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

[failedcoinflip]

no daily today! i need to study for a bio test

[astranite]

--whiney rant and vent--- starts at tumblr but descends into my life.

Fucking tumblr!! *grabs tumblr and aggressively shakes it*

Some new hell update has made it so every time I reblog a post, i go right back to the top of my dash and have to scroll half a mile through the posts Ive already seen to get back to the ones i havent yet seen and want to see!! And even with the scroll bar it takes ages and breaks the loading and makes it nearly genuinely unusable!!!

But Im still going to even though it sucks, because tumblr is my designated scroll and look at characters time and be with mutuals. And yes this is a very small whiny thing to rant about, especially given the state of the damn world, but with the rest of my life imploding in many numbered crisises that even one of would be apparently considered a fairly major thing to have to deal with im now realsising because through massive amounts of avoidance id just gone "this is fine" despite being very reasonably banned from the word fine by 5 different people and then me, and then others going 'wow that really is alot' semihorrified, and I awkwardly laugh because i am used to this and its not that bad and whatever stupid shit i tell myself to keep going.

So yes, whining about tumblr because at this point its a load bearing coping mechanism. And its somewhat a last straw because i am barely hanging on as it is but ill deal with this like everything else because there isnt any other options.

[skitskatdacat63]

2011 February Barcelona Testing(via Motorsport)