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#i just don't have the energy to get helped rn
sashasluggo · 9 months
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This is a vent post.
No silly noise to hide it behind this time.
Just.
Aaaaaaaaaaagh!!!
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Just to minimize my chances of being genuinely misunderstood OR deliberately misinterpreted, and crucified for something I don't think, How Dare You Say We Piss on the Poor website etc...I'm gonna say this right up top. I absolutely understand why people don't like Thessaly as a character, if anyone does completely unironically stan her as some kind of feminist hero who Did Nothing Wrong uwu, I personally see it as a bit of a red flag. I don't like terfs real or fictional. In a vacuum, I could even completely sympathize and agree with the people who want her cut.
HOWEVER.
It's really something to me to see people clamoring for her to be cut, because she carries and expressed an ugly indefensible prejudice (transphobia) in words towards (1) person. Meanwhile Hob fucking Gadling enacted one of the most violent forms of antiblack racism I can even think of against thousands no, millions of people, the ripple effects of which still affect billions more today. Just a little light idk, profiting off the fucking slave trade and had to be told by someone else that it was bad...and he's a fan favorite.
People are saying Thessally being Dream's love interest reflects badly on him or is somehow endorsement by the narrative (?!?!?!?!?!? Didn't she (SPOILER ALERT AS IF IT MATTERS BY NOW) help participate in his extended assisted suicide? She's not painted as a great person to me just another character what are y'all SMOKING whatever fine. It's fine this is fine.) But shipping Dream with Mr. Former Slaver is not only not verboten or frowned on widely in the fandom but its THEE most popular pairing by far. So...why the difference?
Like where are the same fans who are saying Thessaly shouldn't just be more clearly shown to be wrong, she shouldn't even be in the show at all when it comes to Hobert's crimes??? Yes, transphobia is indefensible. Isn't racism?
And I hear the cries of "it's fiction!!!" Already rallying (if anyone who needs to hear this even sees it lol) to which I say:
HORSESHIT. I KNOW you don't, deep down, really agree because if you did, why get upset about Thessaly being included??? Why does what she said to one person matter if it's Just Fiction You Guyze. Fictional characters are allowed to do bad things and fiction isn't reality sweaty....except when you only apply that standard to fictional racists you like and simp for, but fictional transphobes you don't are SO HARMFUL they shouldn't even be portrayed in fiction.
Like. Give me a big fat BREAK. This looks like bullshit, no? I'm sorry, but I'd love for someone to try and give any other explanation besides one personally offended you or hit home for you, and the other doesn't.
And if that bothers you or you feel like it says something negative about you...idk what you want me to say??? You can't control how other people perceive you and that's how people outside this majority-of-the-fandom bubble see it. You don't need to respond, I just wish and genuinely hope this gives you a moment to think about why fans who ARE bothered by both (and not just paying lip service to being bothered by the one but railing against the other) are so frustrated with people saying everyone is welcome but in practice only bending over backwards for the comfort and emotions of themselves, and people they can easily relate to.
You don't have to like Thessaly (I don't. I find her an interesting antagonist, I don't stan her. And frankly that's not the point of her character) but you'll pardon me for feeling more than a bit cynical and side eying people's motivations for what seems a...pretty obvious double standard, on what fictional crimes related to real world issues matter to y'all, and which clearly don't. Either actually bring the same energy to the table for fictional people who committed atrocities, even if against a group you're not part of and thus don't feel the need to empathize with, or just carry on, but accept that you don't have the SLIGHTEST room to talk about cutting characters who do immoral things. And you also need to accept that you look like a hypocrite when you do.
#thessaly#wanda the sandman#hob gadling#I could've cried sexism!!! Problematic Male vs Female Characters except 1) I don't actually think that's the main reason *here*#2) there are WAY better examples of that particular double standard in this fandom#also i can admit when I'm a bit of a hypocrite or was.#i used to dip my toes into the dreamling stuff too early on#but idk. It just got too sour seeing ppl whitewash (lol I know I'm a comedian)#what he did over and over. And I genuinely had started to wonder#if the show hadn't included that particular crime and I'd just imagined it from the comics because#my memory is shit sometimes and I guess I was naive. I *wanted* to believe someone would talk aboutit#if it had made it in. but ultimately i went back and checked and no#and seeing how the whole fandom behaving affected my non-white mutuals some of whom...#like these are my friends man or ppl I just respect and I can't just. Ignore their feelings and their pov#and act like they werent making points or it doesn't matter#like it's all just fun and games for everyone on the same terms. And seeing how easy it was#for everyone to ignore was so unsettling. I couldn't keep pretending it was just fiction and didn't affect anyone real#Call me a bully a t3rf apologist (fuck you and for the record. no)#a puritan or a Fancop (actually stop comparing#people disagreeing with you online to what cops do. For fucks sake you just make it look like nothing is really real to you outside fandom)#whatever man. Whatever helps you sleep. I'm just gonna block you#if you're clearly sticking your fingers in your ears. engaging with you is a waste of time and energy then#Hell I have sympathy for anyone who doesn't like thessaly#especially trans fans. Especially rn. But lbr that sympathy for a lot of the white trans/queer fans only goes one way!!!#never gets extended to anyone else's issues. Like THATSthe issue. And it's shitty!#(sorry this post is not about me in the confessional lol that's why I put this at the bottom#I just had feelings to get out and yes its my blog but i didn't want to clog the airways)
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fourthclone · 4 days
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i got two replies out , woo . now i'm going to sleep .
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byanyan · 9 months
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gailynovelry · 1 year
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I think I got the summary for Ember Warrior hashed out! Figured I'd post it here really quick to get a little feedback on it. I'm curious as to if it's interest-grabbing, and/or if there are any confusing sentences in there.
War has come for Rhimn. The unified feyrie courts strike back against the knights of the Irongardhe, casting the dark-winged shadow of Lady Death over Gadhi.
While Crislie wrestles with unexpected heritage and razes the frontlines of open warfare, her friends navigate the political intrigue of their Heraldry. As Meparik sets off on a diplomatic mission to convince the Ulluan Matrius to lend her aid, Navaeli parleys with the feyrie courts on behalf of General Morekai, hoping that he may hold the key to the cage of her Heraldry.
But allies may be more difficult to make than outright enemies. When Ullua is reluctant to make war with its neighbor, and the courtleaders and generals have agendas of their own, the situation might not be as straightforward as putting an ax through a foe . . .
And it’s far too easy for foes to pose as friends.
As the Ashen Army advances, the political imperatives of everyone’s roles threaten to devour them — but faltering could cost the lives and freedom of the fey of Rhimn.
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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i will do a lot this 2023 >:3
#🌙.rambles#gna be a lot kinder to myself it's alright to take things at my own pace#i'm really hoping i'll be able to improve n strengthen the bonds i have now n make new ones too ><#ffxiv.. i wld like to develop our fc more. make new friends hopefully find some my age too.#i'm an fc leader now aaaa it's nearly been like a month but i've been busy !!#i will wholeheartedly do my best to live up to the responsibility. i rlly want to grow our fc to be a comfy close knit home for my ffxiv#friends. which is. atm rn just me n apollo on our server T_T BUT ONE DAY#n then static i wld love to raid. i want to help my friends get into raiding 🥺 so there's like 3 of us in our not-yet-established static#which means 5 more. regardless i do hope i'll clear another ultimate this year (ucob?) n raid pandaemonium savage again#n then finish both nier games n ccr n other games too. watch more stuff too hopefully#my sleep's been mostly fixed so i'm going to make a nee start this year#not gna dwell on my regrets to the best i can but i'll be kind to myself if i can't help it. nothing to gain by being too harsh on myself#this year's gna be hard w responsibilities irl w school n all n i am honestly very anxious#i've repressed it a bit w the break ;;;; but i'll face it as i always have.#i will study hard! i can't erase or rewind the past but i can do better moving onwards#these memories i can't return too may hurt yes n there'll be many times where it'll burden me n. i know i'll have many hard moments this yr#but i know i'll make it through n keep on going. pain and disappointment in some way will always be inevitable#but i'm more than my despair & i know i won't be alone on this path ahead of me. never have been entirely n never will be n i'll do my best#to remember n hold unto that!!!!#that said my social energy is still very inconsistent i apologize for that n i honestly don't know what to do regarding that but#i'll find a way as i always do. even if it doesn't quite have the 'best' outcome or wtvr i'll be kind to myself#even if things don't go as i dreamed like. idk the things i wrote to myself months ago.. that's alright#i believe in myself.#i'm rambling rn wait why am i so sleepy T_T#i am very used to being alone by just myself n apollo n my family whom i love very much so i may be really reserved w my friends#i barrly reach out n my social energy is typically inconsistent bcs of uhh old friendships that fucked up too but#i. god i cld just ramble abt this more n more but i think i'll be reaching cap for tags soon#that said though i'm really so grateful. for all the memories last yr. all the ppl in it; old friends n new. each moment each word#all of it. i write so much more than you'll ever know n.. even so i really don't think i can write enough to convey the depth of all the#love i have for like yk my family my friends n everything so dear to me in life :<< tyvm for 2022 genuinely yes
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commander-damneron · 1 year
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I get that it's just kinda how life goes, but I'm honestly kinda mad that I've been relegated to being the 5th wheel of my d&d group. Like, it's not their fault, they obviously don't have to consider me in their relationship stuff, but when the table consists of two people who are somewhere between exes and qpps, and two people who aren't technically dating yet because they've not actually gone on a date together but are functionally sort of already a couple, it's just... it's kind of a bummer. And it's totally irrational because it genuinely hasn't affected anything gamewise, but I keep worrying it will, and beyond that I know I have baggage about being considered the "extra" friend, the one that people let hang around them because otherwise they'd be sad and pathetic and alone but no one really likes them or likes having them around, and I know this group get that because we've spoken before about how a lot of us have issues around that, but I'm just really scared that they'll be too wrapped up in couple stuff to notice or care and just. On top of all of it I'm terrified that it's going to lead to me being kind of off, either in person or in game, and then I'm the one dragging everyone down and I'm just kind of dumping all of this on tumblr because the people I usually complain to about this stuff and are cool about it because they're also mostly some flavour of ace and/or aro are the people I'm talking about and I don't want to be the guy who's like "how dare you be in a happy relationship when I am not", but just. It is just kind of a bummer
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cryolyst · 2 years
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need to clean my drafts not for organization's sake but because i need to unearth all the thoughts i left in there during the 2 weeks i had atsusuna brainrot
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yoharrysaidshe · 14 days
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#i know two schizophrenic people and one of them being literally the worst person i've ever met and in my life is kinda wild to think about#the other person i love her i really do and i wish i had the energy to help her rn but i don't#i'm at a breaking point#like yall don't and will never understand mental illness until you see how severely it affects the person and everyone aroun them#like this shit is UGLY relationship destroying life ruining pathogen type beat i hate it here so bad#like the quality of life is abysmal#i wonder how it is to not have to deal with it must be heaven on earth#sorry just wanted to vent and this is kind of barely coherent#thoughts#also the resources to help ppl like this are practically nonexistent and this country needs to burn#at every turn it's been apathetic beaucracy and incompetency#if you don't have monu they said fuck you and die#we gotta burn this place#and honestly it just feels like a bunch of judgement for not draling with the circumstances better sympathetic condolences#and glad-that's-not-me's#really sucks to be us energy fr rn ://#all or our youth is passing us by and its just... beyond our control#mum's wailing in her room in utter despair bc mentally ill sister got evicted bc she's been swiping ppl's packages from their front doors#for months#really wanna d1e#i love the former person this i mainly about (sister) but most days if not every day i hate her is the god's honest truth#but also i get why she's here and how she's got there and relate to a lot of her hatred of everyone and everything including herself but ya#there's too much there#and i'm not strong enough for forgiveness and neither is she#so she's on the streets god knows where with a fucking dog and she's gonna appear tomorrow morning again and ofc we'll let her in#sigh#my sobriety was kinda nice for the last 7 months it lasted
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imwritesometimes · 1 month
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sometimes you're really busy and then life is like - but what if you were busier 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫
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anirudhpisharody · 1 month
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i hate how i can literally feel myself sinking into a depressive episode and there's nothing i can do to stop it
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seven-thewanderer · 3 months
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Dang. Website be hard.
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inazuma-fulgur · 1 year
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Feeling so bad mentally, I don't wanna go to work tomorrow
But also I need full time employment
But also the state made it possible for me to change my status to searching work but not to change my status regarding that I'm technically jobless + can't afford a flat + I have to move soon + I have no idea how I would get the financial support the state technically offers
I hate the state, why you offering services but not offering useful explanations of your services?
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becaexists · 1 year
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Y'all wanna know something weird about me?
Okay so I have PMDD right? Talked to my doctor about it when I was 15, they suggested I get one of those heatable cuddly toys and swaddle it to trick my brain into thinking it has to protect a small baby because apparently that helps? Idk I can't find anything about it online
Anyway so I do that, get one of Stitch from Lilo and Stitch because it was in primark and looked pretty cute, heat it up and swaddle it and damn does that work, works so well that I find myself holding it for comfort even after my period ends. Now I'm a weirdo who's holding a stitch toy wrapped in a cloth half the time I'm at home, but my brain is all like "fuk u that's my baby don't you dare do anything" so now I have an emotional attachment to a fucking cuddly toy bc my brain thinks it's a baby and gets panicky when I'm away from it for too long
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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
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god. im scared
#realizing that i lost all of my teen years to trauma and bullshit like that. and that it forced me to be an adult way sooner than i -#- should have needed to be.#im turning 17 in a whopping 13 days and just. im terrified. like genuinely scared.#my family is having a lot of financial issues rn and im probably gonna have to pick up another job to help my mom make ends meet#and i think she wants me out of the house by the time i turn 18 so i gotta hurry.#idk how the fuck im gonna find a job where i can make enough money to help my mom while also letting me save up for an apartment while -#- also helping me cover all of my own costs BEFORE i turn 18. so food and medical stuff and clothes and such. while also having enough -#- time and energy to balance my final two years of high school AND somehow have a social life on top of that#i dont know how the hell im gonna pull it off. i dont feel like an adult but i have to be one already so i just gotta figure it out i guess#ive already lost the rest of my teen years. i shouldn't be sad about losing the last few. i don't have time to mourn.#my mom keeps saying that i need to stop stressing out bc its my birthday but like. the problem is my birthday.#sigh. i should be happy this month. im turning 17! im going to riot fest! i like most of my teachers this year! i have a bit of freedom!#but i don't feel happy. im just violently reminded that time has passed way too quickly and that im running out of time for everything.#im also violently reminded that i very much do not feel like an adult. even though it's only a little over a year till im 18.#i still watch cartoons and buy stuffed animals and have sleepovers with friends where we gossip about school and make pony bead bracelets#i cover my notebooks with stickers and laugh at immature jokes and have glow in the dark stickers on my bedroom ceiling#just. idk. i keep trying to catch up for lost time but i just have to keep rushing foward faster than i can handle. its weird.#sorry to post disappointing shit. im just tired and my body hurts and im stressed and scared and sad. nothing's going right.#in better news. after i get a job to pay for it i can apparently get a birth control prescription without parental consent in my state#i might finally be able to escape from my debilitating monthly pain! ill be able to function!!#im also gonna be getting myself a lowkey ugly rottmnt birthday cake from a grocery store because its my birthday and i can do what i want#so im still stressed and scared but ill have a day with friends where we can play games and do stupid shit and act like teenagers i guess#it'll be nice :')
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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sigh
#rant :/#i'm so tired of two of my irls rn#reflecting back a bit n i realize#they've never actually been there to comfort me w stuff#they do other things like hype me up sometimes n all but#goddamn it's tiring#i love them despite their faults but#it gets tiring bcs they're not really the kind of friends i can rely on or ask for help#so for years i've struggled w#yk not having my energy matched#n that gets so draining#but when i rest for a bit or don't initiate stuff#it hurts bcs most of the time it's just like they#no for this aspect here mostly one of them is#the type that's rather fair-weather#she's only there usually when it comes to fun :')#the type that'd avoid deeper stuff whether it be good or bad#n that being a bit shallow hurts me honestly but#it hurts bcs it's hard for me to meet new ppl irl since i'm very shy at first#but it's so tiring when these two closest to me are#i love them but it hurts sm when they're the kind of ppl that don't make me improve as a person#it feels so one-sided when i do most of the listening n helping#n i'm so fucking tired of feeling alone in that aspect#in the end it's ok bcs i have other friends too. n everyone in my life i'm always grateful#but it's so tiring. friendships aren't supposed to be so draining#i'm willing to communicate n i try my best but fuck i'm tired of it not being reciprocated#:') we've been friends for years but things like this is why i don't trust them very deeply#they're both not really the most actively kind people. they are kind at heart but they take more than they give#so it's so. weird n foreign for me when i have more emotionally mature friends that offer to listen to me n give advice#i'm the one that usually does that. i'm so tired it feels like my kindness is often taken for granted n i wish i cld just stop caring
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