#i just dont know what to do bc ive tried counselling and it was just frustrating bc talking doesnt help me

[milf-harrington]

tw implied/referenced suicidal thoughts

im not gonna like, actively do anything, but im sitting right on the edge of wanting to unalive and have been for a few days or weeks or months and on the one hand i think it might be a good idea to log off for a bit bc it is a struggle to respond to things (asks, comments, tag games etc) and that makes me feel guilty bc i want to respond i just don't have the energy sometimes, and also any form of negativity is hitting me harder than it usually does

but on the other hand i'm concerned that it's just going to be isolating myself even more, and i find a lot of comfort in this little community and seeing everyone interact and create and it's a small reprieve i get from my own head and i don't really wanna lose that and just - life is hard, and i don't quite know what to do?

i appreciate all of you though, for sharing my art and being so lovely all the time.

it's just getting very hard to stay positive and try and keep most of my gloominess inside my head instead of all over my blog yknow? i'm running out of jokes to make about it.

[snifferz]

// VERY BIG RANT, TW FOR PARENTAL ABUSE/TRAUMA, GASLIGHTING, FAKECLAIMING, SUICIDE ETC - PHOBOS (HOST)

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regarding like being diagnosed and shit before anyone asks.

( like i dont want us to get fakeclaimed so this is pretty necessary, our alters have had really fucking upsetting reactions to it before and i really dont want repeats of shit from before. i doubt itll happen on here bc people are relatively nice, im just gonna put this here in case + in the scenario someone on another app bothers us, eg tiktok bc we got harassed by a fakeclaim account who caused three of our alters, including me, to go into panic. )

we literally cant lol. family issues, our parents are very much aware were mentally ill but refuse to let us get help for it + basically use it as a way to make us look bad/victimise themselves when shit goes wrong and thats it. we cant get a osdd or did or whatever we have diagnosis, i dont know what the fuck we have at this point and probably wont for a long while.

if someones still living with an abuser its really fucking hard to get help lmao.

people really need to be more sympathetic towards those who genuinely cant get diagnosed with did/osdd. were talking about those whove gone through severe fucking childhood trauma here, there is probably going to be something traumatic stopping them from getting help lmao. its not as easy as just getting help and shit when youre still living with abusers who refuse to let you even leave the house, make your own food or have your own credit card bc they dont trust you enough and demonise you to hell and back. we literally cant do anything nevermind get a fucking diagnosis for a disorder i myself am questioning if we even have, we cant talk to people, we cant go out, we cant make our own food, our mom still controls our routine, we cant clean or do basic chores, we cant buy our own clothes, we cant pay for anything ourselves, we cant take our money with us, we cant do anything without our moms permission, we have to abide by every little strict rule trying to judge whether or not our mom will let us off if shes in a bad mood or not, we cant even talk to ourselves or move about in our room, we dont even have our own privacy for fucks sake. do you really genuinely think were gonna get that diagnosis lmao. i have tried to call people and ive been screamed at, ive tried to ask other family members for help and ive gotten nothing because theyre too scared to do anything or water down our problems, ive tried running away, ive tried to almost kms and shit because i thought there was no way out, ive tried counselling and they watered down everything to us being trans rather than mentally struggling.

bro we literally got kicked out of our house for having a breakdown + then after two weeks passed our mum started accusing us of hearing voices and having random mental illnesses bc she literally only sees the possibility of us having a mental illness as something that explains defiance against her rather than a result of her own actions and the immense fucking trauma weve gone through. she notices the issues we have, points them out when she thinks were in the wrong to make us look like weve gone mad or something and need help, and then doesnt let us actually get help for them bc it was a throwaway thing to make us question ourselves lmao. its more gaslighty than actually recognising we need help.

so no. were not able to get a diagnosis. were living in an abusive household, it is literally impossible. dont bother us about it lol.

[vanllacreme1]

it’s mac again ! i’m bringing over an old-ish oc that i hardly got to play but really loved ( which means that this intro is long bc i have a lot of thoughts about my son ) !! pls welcome my babiest baby boi, TEDDY LEUNG . 

☕ . ˚ ◝ ( lucas wong. cismale. he/him. ) theodore “teddy” leung is a twenty year old aries. the freelancer’s go-to order is vanilla creme frappe with two pumps of raspberry syrup and extra whip cream. they like to listen to ring ding dong by shinee while they wait for their order. the employees of the deja brew think they are meek but swear they’re totally optimistic as well. maybe that’s why a spray paint can, a velcro chain wallet, and earbuds remind me of them.  

PINTEREST

mentions of ptsd. injury. 9/11. deafness. 

i. born and fostered out of love, teddy leung is the son of a first generation chinese american military officer and a thai lounge singer. having met while his father was stationed overseas, his parents fell in love but just before they could get their relationship could fully bloom, teddy’s father was sent back to america. regretfully, teddy’s parents parted ways but even with an ocean between them, the culmination of their short-lived romance grew into a new life.

ii. teddy was a surprise, to everyone involved, and in fear for his love and his child’s life in the hands of her traditionalist parents ( afterall she was young, unwed and pregnant ), teddy’s father sent for her, causing her to have to leave everything she knew behind for a man she knew for only eight months. but they were in love and they both felt as if their situation was the fates telling them to be together.

iii. teddy came into the world kicking and screaming, his little lungs gasping for air as his limbs stretched out of their confines for the first time. an explosive ball of energy that his mother ate up and his father smiled down on protectively. he was their special boy, golden and proof that all their hardships -- the arguments, the alienation of her family, the stress -- was all worth it in the end.

iv. and for the first few years, it was harmonious. all focus was on raising teddy and providing for him, his father training the battalion on fort irwin and his mother working as a music teacher for the kids in the area. then, in the aftermath of 9/11, teddy’s father was deployed for five years on active duty in afghanistan where he served until a hostile bombing left him injured.

v. returning home after all that time away was an adjustment for teddy’s father, having to cope with not only the strain of physical therapy and ptsd, but also with his 7-year-old son whom he hadn’t spent any real time with since the boy was three. but, teddy, with his big, wondering eyes and even bigger, tender heart, tried to connect with his father the way he was close with his mother.

vi. but even then, there was only so much that teddy and his father could see eye to eye on. art and music became a big part of teddy’s life, while sport and the sciences were his father’s interests. it alienated them both from each other, for the short while before teddy’s father accepted a recruitment job in san diego and became busy again.

vii. in san diego, teddy found a little more independence, enrolling in the local public school instead of the school on the army base. and things were fine, again, until they weren’t. by the time teddy was 11, he developed ménière’s in his left ear, causing him to become hard of hearing on top of bouts of vertigo and tinnitus. he fought a lot with his parents then, his angsty teenage bullshit hitting an absolute peak early on when his parents wanted him to get fitted for an aid and he wanted to just let nature take its course ( he still has his one good ear, he’d argue ).

viii. eventually, they came to an agreement, that teddy would go to counselling and learn asl in lieu of getting an aid, and that teddy wouldn’t complain when his family relocated again in the beginning of his freshman year of high school. moving, this time to colorado, drove a deeper wedge between teddy and his father. and as much as he loves the man, they just didn’t seem to click anymore.

ix. so teddy tried to be a good son for him, focused on school and behaved the best he could. it was only after teddy started applying for university, that he felt the spark of excitement again. the possibility of going back to the place he was the longest, to southern california, was all that he cared about. his college years were going to be the time he became more independent from his parents, finally gaining some semblance of his own person beyond what his parents tried to mold him into.

***DISCLAIMER: teddy is written by a hearing person and his condition may be written inaccurately. please know that i am not at all trying to offend anyone who is HoH and that i will do my best to research and be mindful of the portrayal of his hearing loss. that being said, if you are offended by the way i portray his hearing loss in any capacity, please message me privately so we can have a conversation and i can learn from my mistake.

quick fax  

- is an army brat so he moved around a lot growing up ; spent high school years elsewhere, but moved back to cali for university  - is studying accounting bc ,,, idk its stable and he’s never really had stability in his life until now - such a glass half full person but is that one ‘ everything is fine ’ meme  - will try anything once ; whether or not it sticks depends on how much he ends up enjoying it - would also stand up 2 someone but immediately regret it after - is hard of hearing in his left ear ( ménière’s disease ) so he will lean toward the noise to hear better aka im so sorry if he’s in ur bubble, he just cant hear what uR’E SAYING  - he’s ,,, ,v loud w/o realizing it  - bc of his meniere’s he can’t have caffeine ( lol ) but he likes the cafe culture and likes to go to deja brew to sketch - also has earbuds in like 24/7 ; gets nagged by his mom that he SHOULDN’T but like ,,,, he’s accepted that his hearing is gonna get worse anyway so LMAO - doesn’t wear an aid and hasn’t used sign language in a very long time but still remembers a lot of it - teddy vc: what ?  - does the graffiti on the weekends , pls dont tell his mom ; art is his “hobby” as his dad would say , v artistic and likes to go to moca on their free nights  - loves all kinds of music, esp mongolian throat singing ; impressionism is his favorite art movement ; thinks rupi kaur is a charlatan but she’s making money off white people so : / - has a tattoo on his right buttcheek bc why not , someone probably dared him to - naturally wakes up at 6 am, no matter how late he was up the night before ; goes on morning runs  - incidentally, he also takes a lot of naps during the day - is technically (f)unemployed ; answers craigslist ads for cash, nothing shady, just like cleans old ladies homes and helps people move furniture - owns a second hand bicycle with a woven basket in the front uwu ; may or may not have found it at a junk yard - will stop to pet a dog on the side of the street ; will also point out animals when he passes them   - think andy dwyer, john mulaney, jake peralta, miles morales, jason mendoza and others i cant care to look up rn but u get the idea i hope 

possible connections

roommates / housemates, classmates / schoolmates, friends, enemies ( tho he’d probably cry if u told him u didnt like him ), lovers / ex lovers, etc. whatever come yell at me if u want something. find me here or on discord ( 𝖎𝖈𝖊𝖉 𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖒𝖞 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖙, 𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖈#3596 ) 

[hagiographically]

anyway just had the most college(TM) night ive had since last year when my ex and i climbed the building next to the church but last night the soph suggested we do the “36 questions to fall in love” for my design class (where im supposed to design someone’s relationship to have more emotional intimacy) so we climbed up to the roof of the engineering building and that fucker actually used an extension cord as a grappling hook to climb up there and then come around to the door to let me in and it was a Lot he cut up his hands and stuff and i was like wtf and he was like “oh its fine”

so we eventually get up there and its cold as shit but we do half the questions and it takes like an hour and a half so we’re basically there till midnight and its 40 degrees and im like dude i am getting hypothermia can we plS go inside so then we went to my room with its cozy space heater and finished the questions and then of course one thing leads to another and now its up to me to be emotionally strong and not let myself get wrecked by the feels especially in the wake of the 36 questions like i know i definitely like him a lot (i also alluded to this blog but didnt say any identifying details except for that i dont use my given name, but that everything else i blog about is true) as a person, and i know its 100% not worth it to develop any romantic feelings for him bc its never gonna happen (and honestly it probably shouldnt) but my heart is a dumb binch so who knows what shes gonna do?? i also went into semi personal details about the mental illness stuff which i consciously tried to do less this year but out of everyone ive ever been involved with, hes the most equipped to be actually helpful cuz he does peer counseling and shit so it might not turn into the toxic waste that happened last year

anyway i am a mess but the TLDR is i like climbing buildings and getting personal with interesting people and cuddling and i got to do all those things yesterday and i’m seeing halsey today so ???? cool

[vibrant-goddess]

yeah im drinking a bit at 130am i have to be at work in five hours but im SAD and i hate my coworkers and im gonna stay up and feel like shit all week so you know fuck it im gonna bitch about it on main bc im tired of giving a fuck about what people think of me and im not putting it under the cut because i seriously dont fucking care

i shoulda bought more cigarillosi havent fucking smoked in seven years like my parents found my cigars when i was a baby adult and yelled at me so i tossed them and never looked back

except now i live on my own in a tiny shitty room that is cheap enough for me to pay off my student loans real fucking fast living with two extremely adorable dogs(they’re my roommates) who dont like being petted so what even are they good for except dragging in dead animals all the fucking time and leaving hair everywhere literally i had to stop baking for my coworkers because no matter how clean i was i ALWAYS FOUND MORE FUCKING FUR but its fine because i don’t like these coworkers anyways

like i know i work in tech but what are the fucking chances that my team would be four white blonde guys(at least two are blue eyed) in their early thirties and then me like what the FUCK and i still have two more months with these fuckers. i have to figure out how to survive eight more weeks with these people who don’t like or respect me. i feel like a goddamn token minority hire and it makes me want to quit. like, just straight up two weeks notice i don’t give a FUCK about completing the rest of my work i don’t give a FUCK about helping this team i don’t give a FUCK about this work assignment my coworkers are so fucking dismissive and passive aggressive AT BEST and whiny turds at worst. i hate coming in at 630 and leaving at 345 without taking a lunch so my work has gotten like 10 extra hours of work for me thats literally, after tax, another student loan payment.

im so fucking miserable here. this town is so fucking small. theres nothing to do here except spend twenty dollars to go to tea except i have to do it myself bcause i dont know how to fucking interact wioth people

and then i thought this month oh ill try to get people i like together for halloween movies at my house except my house is a disaster because my roommate doesnt know how to fucking clean her shit up

literally her dogs shit on the couch and she took hours to do a half assed job of cleaning up. i cleaned the table, the kitchen, the floors, everything, and within two weeks she covered the newly cleaned surfaces with her shit. and like, its like pulling teeth to even get her to move her shit from the dryer after a MONTH so i know any sort of cleaning isn;t going to get done by her

like i thought leaving my parents house would make things so much better i thought the distance would allow me to finally live like an adult, but im essentially living the same fucking life, overextended by my responsibilities, depressed to the point of ideation, too anxious to talk to anyone, except now i have quadruple the bills, still no fucking s/o because apparently im totally unfuckable like even this fucking loser from target ghosted me, and my parents passive aggressively text me everyday because i don’t update them all the time on my THRILLING life that consists of a nine hour work day, three hours of studying for a professional exam that my work won’t pay for, and two hours of costume shit based on a character in a game series i don’t even fucking like for a party im not even going to attend 

and like the obvious answer is drop the costume shit, block your parents for a couple weeks, and go to therapy. i hurried i RUSHED to get my own health insurance so i could finally finally get therapy, only to find out that if my work finds out im getting therapy theyll block any chance at promotion and in this small shitty town there are ten total therapists in a sixty mile radius, only two of which specialize in the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) except one is a dude and the other does christian counseling and i fucking refuse to interact with religion i dropped any pretense of religion four years ago and im not fucking going back and if you even FUCKING mention it to me i stg so i guess i have to take my chances with the dude

god i dont want to go to work tomorrow but ive p consistently taken a day off every two weeks and im trying to save up my leave for when i want to just fucking ditch out for a week next year after i pay off my student loans

like EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER ONCE I MOVED. i told myself oh everything will be better once i transfer except it wasnt i got even more stressed and felt more pressure. i told myself oh everything will be bettwe once i graduate except not only was it not but i hit the worst period of my life after graduating i couldn’t socialize i couldn’t speak i just laid on the floor of my childhood room crying and cutting myself because i couldn’t functgion because life didnt have purpose anymore. i told myself oh everything will be better once i move out once im away from the environment tht made me sick BUT GUESS WHAT TUMBLR the FUCKING ENVIRONMENT THAT MADE ME SICK WAS ME. GUESS WHAT I’M THE TOXIC PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. GUESS WHAT YOU CAN’T RUN AWA FROM YOUR OWN BRAIN.

im so fucking tired of trying im so tired of waiting for things to get better i keep trying things i did cbt on my own for months and it did nothing i drank a lot for a month and it did nothing but make me pee a lot i smoked again and it didn’t help i start cutting again and it did nothing like the only vice i have is eating except to pay off my student loans asap my food budget got stripped so i cant even do that and im just. im so fucking tired of this. im tired of throwing money at my student loan app. im tired of having no room besides my bed so i have to cut fabric while laying under my bed because there no room for me and my cutting mat. im tired of spending every weekend studying my fe study materials for an exam to get a certification my work doesn’t care about whatsoever. im tired of not feeling excited about anything. this is usually my favorite month of the year and i havent done a single fall activity. i dont know why the only person in this stupid city who likes me is the dude who realized im the only single black girl in the city and therefore has decided to make it his mission to try to wear me down so he can fuck me. im tired of working in a team where i have to be the voice of all women all black people and all queer people. im tired of having to either report my comings and goings to my parents from two hundred miles away when they don’t pay for any of my shit(in fact, i pay for some of their shit and they still demand updates like they’re entitled to my fucking life) hold on im getting another drink

and like if i want to even be considered one of the team i have to perform to perfection better than the other fuckers on the team whic means i have to show up before the earliest arriver and leave after my boss leaves and i still gotta do all my personal shit and i cant take a lunch and im UFKCKING SICK OF IT. the other team in our open office is a million times more diverse, they actually communicate and discuss shit. their boss is a woman and they occasionally have women on their team on assignment. they spent an hour debating and charting pizza topping preferences so they could order pizza together. meanwhile, my team cant even be assed to actually ask me a question. 

i dont fucking want to go to work tomorrow. i dont want to fucking go back to this team ever again. my boss offered me a permanent position and i didnt know how to tell him that i hate this team and i cant wait to leave and mute the team server forever and if my next assignment didnt require an additional security thing(DESPITE THE FACT THAT I’VE NEVER STEPPED OUT OF LINE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE I HAD GOOD HS ATTENDANCE I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS I GOT A FUCKING NATIONAL AWARD I VOLUNTEERED WITH A CHRISTIAN CHURCH I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS AND STUDENT ORGS IN COLLEGE I DIDNT DRINK A SIP OF ALCOHOL UNTIL I WAS 21 I DIDN’T SMOKE UNTIL I WAS 18 I NEVER TRIED ANY DRUGS NOT EVEN WEED IN FACT THE MOMENT DRUGS WERE PRESENT IN MY SOCIAL CIRCLES I LEFT THOSE SOCIAL CIRCLES AND NEVER LOOKED BACK I NEVER COMMITTED ANY CRIMES I NEVER ASSOCIATED WITH ANYONE WHO DID CRIMES IVE NEVER LEFT THE COUNTRY AS AN ADULT I LITERALLY HAVE THE BACKGROUND OF SOMEONE WHO SPENT 25 YEARS SITTING IN A ROOM EATING SALTINES AND STARING AT A WALL UNTIL I STARTED WORKING) that is taking fucking forever despite my perfect background i would have left this assignment early AND i would have given them excellent documentation when i went.

im so fucking tired. im tired of everything.

[askjennie]

i cant maintain a relationship. i dont have any friends from the past bc i didnt like them and they probably didnt like me. i've always looked forward to occasions where i can meet new ppl and new possible friends. but now i just feel so unencouraged and empty and sad. i dont understand. like ive been waiting for years to build up a trustful friendship but it just turns out me investing a lot of energy all in vain and now im tired of that. (1/3)

Continued: this recent breakup probably was it. except that it wasnt rly an official breakup but more like them just stopped talking to me, started ignore me and hung out without me. ive tried to talk to them but they thiught i was being dramatic and now i dont know if we’re fighting or not bc they let go of things and people so easily… while i cant. i just feel so exhausted and depressed and i cant think of anything else than them and what tf is wrong with me (bc ppl always leave me) 2/2i know i should get other friends and “forget about them” bc they never cared about menanyways but its so hard im so so exhausted and disappointed and sad and angry. i feel like this ALWAYS happens and that nothing i do is working. i have abandonment and control issues as well. i dont know what to do. sometimes i feel so so lonely (bc of other problems as well) and it makes me not wanting to live anymore but im also afraid of hurting myself or dying. i feel so anxious what should i do :(( (3/3)

Jennie: If you have abandonment and control issues that are affecting your relationships, and you’re feeling like you don’t want to live, these are things you should seek professional help for. You might find that therapy would help you a lot in learning to manage/overcome those issues. Talk to your doctor, or contact mental health services, charities or therapists in your area. If you’re in education, you could contact your school’s counselling services. You can also call a helpline such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US) or Samaritans (UK).

If you’re not friends with people from the past because you didn’t like them, then it’s a good thing that you’re no longer friends. If you’re not friends with the friend you recently lost because they let go of people easily, then that’s about their issues, not you. There’s a difference between not having friends right now and not being able to maintain a relationship at all. Friends will come and go from your life, and if you’re no longer friends with people who probably weren’t a very positive influence in your life anyway, then it’s a good opportunity to go out and find a new place to meet new people.

[coelacanthus-latimeria]

so like i said today has been A Day and im gonna post it under read more

so ive like. really not been having a good week. its ap week so that should be the cause but honestly my depressions been especially bad lately and ive just been feeling really shitty about everything lately. im scared im annoying my friends, im scared to lose them, im scared that i havent done enough, im scared that im gonna be stuck in a body i dont like my whole life. just. a lot. and so thats kinda been building up and its kinda sucked Major Ass(tm) and today just became the day where it just sorta snapped. I didnt do anything in class today, and the one class i actually talked to people was with my two friends who did and said some stuff that kinda really really Did Not Help and i know that they didnt mean it i know that they didnt mean to hurt me but it kinda just hit the right (wrong?) way where if they were sincere they wouldve confirmed my anxieties about people not caring about me or people finding me annoying and not important. and im still trying not to think about that bc im tired and ive had a good night after school but i keep do and ://// like i was talking about a new story idea i had and they just kept going on side tangents and asking stuff about it that didnt matter through the things and it became annoying and clear they didnt actually care even tho they apparently did??? anyways not the point but that was Bad. and so by the time i reached last period german, i was kinda just not having anything and was lowkey sensory overloading and so we were doing busywork and i was listening to music because i was done with the day and just kind of done with everything and if i didnt listen to music while i was working i knew i would break down. and then thats kinda what actually happened. herr kuchta (whomst i dislike greatly) came over and told me i couldnt have my earbuds in and i refused and told him that if i didnt i couldnt do my work but by that time id already started to get worked up so he took me out of the class room and told me to take a breather and all that. so i did i went outside the mods and just kind of had a micro panic attack and cried and just tried to gather myself to go back to class but i couldnt i couldnt go back in the thing is that herr kuchta came back to tell me to come back in the class twice and the second time he told me to either come back in or go to my subschool and i didnt want to do that so i told him “no give me a damn minute im having a bad day and youre treating me like shit” and he replied that if i didnt get back in the class or go to my subschool he’d call the school security. so i was more mad at that point than anything so i trudged over to the subschool and hoped to any god up there that no one saw me

i was scared as shit to go to the subschool and have to face other people but i did eventually and got to my counselors office and just. broke down. its midnight now and my eyes still hurt when i blink but i just talked and complained about herr kuchta and all the other shit thats been happening with my parents and the shit ive been thinking and overthinking and it just. came out. to this lady id barely even talked to but i did and it was scary as fuck but i needed to. but she listened, and she helped, and it wasnt as scary as i thought. and she said that she’d tell my parents and tell them to get me some help. like ive been asking them about since freshmen year while theyve been shrugging me off with false promises and “its part of the high school experience.” and my counselor said that shed be there to help and that an outside source telling my parents i (probably) have anxiety and depression might help them understand more and that shed help me get actual counseling/ treatment and. i feel relieved i feel like an actual step has been made and so so just thankful that she was actually so willing to help and understand. i feel like ive progressed more in this topic in this one day than in the past year. 

so i guess long story short, im an actual step towards getting actual treatment. i actually have a feasible chance to get better and feel better and its hitting me now and i. im so relieved. 

im still Not Good yet; im still anxious about myself and my friends and my talents and experiences and my future and my relationship with my family and

a lot

but at least im on my way

[saintkimora]

ok, here is a full account of what happened yesterday and the new events from today. caleb if you are seeing this please respect my privacy and stop reading now 

ok so it started the other day. caleb texted me at night saying he wanted to talk to me about something serious the next day. i asked what it was about and he said he just wanted to be friends but i didnt read too much into it bc he is impulsive so i figured he would come to his senses the next day

so then yesterday happened. i had just gotten out of sociology at like 10:40am and i saw that he had texted me all these things about breaking up. then when i got to my car he called me on the phone. he then proceeded to break up with me over the phone. his reasoning was that since hes prob moving in a few weeks, he wanted to stop being boyfriends now that way when he does leave itll hurt less than it would, so like easing himself out of the relationship basically. i think its a stupid idea 

so these are the issues i had. the first was that he broke up with me over the phone, not even in person. and like i was crying over the phone and his tone was just like very cold and detached and business like and that really hurt me bc he obv knew i was crying but i didnt feel any sympathy from him whatsoever. like if he was crying i would obv be comforting him and trying to make him feel better not talking like a robot. another thing that hurt was that he gave up on the long distance relationship before we could even try it. it made me feel like i was so worthless and unimportant that he didnt even feel like putting forth the effort to make our relationship work. and the fact that he did this all over a 10 minute phone call on his way to the gym. and then like 20 min after he had the NERVE to post a video on his snap story of him at the gym saying “feeling so good *blushing smile emoji*” like that really hurt my feelings and when i told him that later he was like “oh stop making everything about you it was just how i was feeling after working out” but like? i know he obv wasnt saying that he felt so good about breaking up. but what bothered me was that like after he broke up w me, i was a mess i was literally crying all day and i couldnt do anything but cry i was so upset. and then here he is just going on with his day like its another normal tuesday. like the fact that he was capable of being so happy not even a few hours after breaking my heart made me feel like i was nothing, like it was just an errand like “oh im gonna break up with perry then go to the gym lol” and the fact that he did it over the phone just made me feel so insignificant like i was nothing to him and that really hurt. and like ive tried to be the best boyfriend i can be for him and i try to do everything he asks of me so for him to just break up with me in such a dismissive way makes it feel like he doesnt even care

so i was crying in my car, like really bad like i was BAWLING. so i went to the student counseling center and asked for a crisis meeting and i got set up w this counselor named josh. he was nice and tried to help me calm down and focus on orgo. it was nice to have someone to talk to i guess

so then i went home. he called me again to like try to explain himself but only made me feel worse. he was like “you know when i move im not gonna be able to see you everyday and cuddle with you and fall asleep on your chest anymore” and that just made me sadder and i was crying again on the phone. then later we were texting and he was like denying breaking up with me. like, you said you wanted to just be friends and you explicitly said that you didnt want to be boyfriends anymore so how is that not breaking up??? and he said “i was trying to have a conversation with you but all you did was cry.” with the period to show how serious he was. and it really hurt me when he said that bc it felt like he was mad at me and using me crying against me, like i somehow did something wrong by crying. again if he was the one crying i would not be holding it against him like that so i really wish he didnt say that bc it made me feel bad for being emotional which should not be something to feel bad about. and at the end of the call he didnt say i love you like he always does so that hurt my feelings as well

and like i took away the hearts from his contact name and changed my phone backgrounds since they were pictures of him and that just made me really sad

i skipped psych and anatomy lecture but i couldnt skip my anatomy practical. i cried when i was backing up my car to leave bc i saw the “hi <3″ that he wrote in the dirt on my back windshield a while ago and it just set me off. so i got to school and i was planning on having this be the dropped grade so i wasnt like worried but i got a 90 anyways so that was nice. the prof was like “perry whats wrong you look depressed” and i was like im just a little sad today and he was like why and i was like “bc my significant other broke up w me” (i used s/o bc idk how my prof is about those things so i didnt wanna say bf). he told me this story about how in his senior year of college he had such bad mono it was misdiagnosed as hodgkins disease so he was given 18 months to live and his gf of 4 years left him after finding out. so he told me “perry, girls are like a bus. if you miss one, another one will come along in 15 minutes. if i had daughters i would tell them the same thing about guys” so that was nice that he tried to cheer me up. then when i was leaving from the other room (bc we leave our stuff in the other room during the practical) the TA came to me from the main room and wished me luck on my finals so that was nice of him 

so then i went home. then at 10pm i met w caleb in person in his car. we talked and at first he would not let me get a word in and he just kept defending himself and what also upset me was that he thought the reason i was so upset was that he was moving and he was so defensive like “i wish i could stay here but i have no choice i cant afford to live here its too expensive” and like that is not what upset me!!! i already knew he was moving ive had time to accept it what upset me was how he broke up w me for no reason w almost no warning and did it in such a cold way. and like the way i see it is since hes leaving instead of easing ourselves out of the relationship to stop us from getting hurt when he actually leaves (which wont happen bc itll hurt regardless), i figured we should make the most of our time together and enjoy each other as much as possible since we’ll have plenty of time to get over each other AFTER he moves. so when i told him my point of view he was like “i wish i thought of it like that, im really bad at this” so that was how i resolved the issue. he was hesitant about keeping the bf label but i told im i really wanted to and i didnt see a point in taking away the label now anyways. i also told him i at least wanted to try long distance instead of giving up before it even happens. i dont remember what he said to it though lol i was too emotional. but yeah the beginning of the convo just felt like he was berating me and i started to cry again bc i dont like it when hes rude to me like that

then he told me that im so sensitive i could see a squirrel in the road and cry and i had to explain to him that i am not a sensitive and emotional person! im normally v reserved w my emotions like ive only cried maybe 3 times the past 8 years and that im just emotional when it comes to him bc i care about him so much

another thing that bothered me was that he said every relationship teaches a lesson, and from ours he learned not to rush into things. i dont get that bc yes we did rush but that wasnt really a bad thing? like he wouldve moved regardless so taking things slow wouldnt have changed that. and like since we rushed into things it will hurt more when he leaves since we are closer than we would be if we took it slow but also like, if we didnt rush we wouldnt have gotten so close and had so much fun together in the first place. so imo the benefits of getting so close so fast vastly outweighed the pain of him leaving

so everything would be great except for this next part. he told me the easing out of the relationship thing was bc he got the advice to do that from his mom and leeann. so when i got home i made a post calling leeann toxic and his mom stupid for interfering in our relationship. and like yall can tell that obv i was kidding and just exaggerating for humorous effect like i dont really think his mom is stupid or that leeann was toxic, just that their advice in the situation was bad. but caleb texted me this morning being so rude calling me disgustingly disrespectful for saying that and he said that “next time you think about doing this remember how it felt when i dumped you (so he admitted that he did dump me) - and get those tissues ready” (since ive been using a lot of tissues since i was crying so much). that really really hurt my feelings bc 1. he is once again using me crying against me and 2. it shows a total lack of sympathy for me crying, like it felt like hell yesterday i was so upset and he knows that so for him to threaten to put me through that again just shows he doesnt really care about me or my feelings. 

he also said i need to stop using him and leeann and his mom as “characters in your online stories” like...these arent online stories? this blog is where i vent and talk about my feelings since i dont have anyone to do that with irl and i need to get them out somewhere im not writing these posts to be mean it just feels good to put my thoughts into words instead of bottling them up and even my therapist thinks its a good thing for me to do  

so he said that but i was NOT having it. i typed up a long text in response and even i admit it was kinda mean. like in his he said “dont even talk to me for the rest of the day” so at the end of my text i said “dont talk to me ever i am perfectly fine w never talking to you again the rest of my life so bye have fun in new hampshire or whatever” and he was like “perry stop you dont mean that last part” and then he called me and once again got defensive he said he was just trying to have a convo w me and i was being aggressive for no reason. like, no??? a convo would have been texting me like “perry i know its your personal blog where you post your feelings but this post upset me and this is why” not coming at me with 4 super rude texts out of nowhere. so he was trying to play the victim and paint me as irrational and that im overreacting just like he did yesterday and i didnt like it! he was just dismissing my feelings again. so i went OFF in this phone call like wow i really snapped and it felt good tbh

like i think he was just expecting me to sit there and take it and apologize like i usually do when he gets like this but i am done doing that! so i think he was caught off guard that i stood up for myself. i was like caleb i really dont care i have the most important orgo test of the semester today you already took yesterday from me but today i am not entertaining it if you have an issue call me after my test” and i ended the convo and hung up and then he texted me “good luck on your test” like ok hi king of passive aggressiveness 

so thats it. i felt good at first but later on i felt bad so i texted him apologizing for snapping at him but i said i wont discuss the tumblr issue until we are in person. i asked if he was free tonight and he said no he wants a day or two to be separate and normally i would understand but like...hes moving in a few weeks i really dont want to waste time fighting and being in this weird place

not to be out of order but another thing that got on my nerves was when we made up last night. he said “once i move youll have more free time for things like school, work, maybe going to the gym” like once again here he is commenting on my appearance! like yes i know im scrawny and i wish i wasnt but im sick of him taking jabs at my looks like my body, acne, and eyebrows when i literally have NOTHING but nice things to say about how he looks. it makes me feel bad when he points out my flaws like that and a good boyfriend is not supposed to make me feel like that

now for the most recent development. leeann sent me this LONG fb message bc caleb told her what i posted about her. like why does he have to expose me like that! i didnt read the message i was like “yeah im not reading this but just so you know i was kidding i wasnt serious i was exaggerating lol” and she was like ok lol 

i just dont know why she thinks i care about her input on MY relationship? like youre calebs friend not mine to be frank i dont give a fuck what you think about whats best for my relationship like you dont know me so mind your business

and thats another thing. in the past caleb has gotten pissed at me for sharing our business too much (by telling my friends (who he will literally never meet since they all went away for school) and by posting on here) yet here he goes telling leeann everything! seems hypocritical to me

and heres a second thing. i have always told caleb that my blog is my personal space where i can safely vent and talk about my feelings and that he should respect my privacy by not reading my personal posts. and ive told him that if he does wanna read them then hes doing so at his own risk bc im not going to filter myself bc this is MY space not his so if he really wants to overstep his boundaries and look at my posts then he cant get mad at me for them bc HE is the one choosing to read them even after my warning! so i dont think he should be getting mad at me especially when i was in such an extreme state of mind yesterday since he put me through the worst day of my life for no reason which literally couldve been 100% avoided if he had just waited to talk to me in person instead of breaking up w me over the phone. and like now i feel like this isnt even a space place for me to express myself anymore since theres a chance of him seeing. and i tried blocking him before but he made a new blog and wont tell me the url so i cant block him smh

so yeah thats everything that happened. im kinda stressed rn w this whole leeann drama even though he shouldnt have been reading my posts in the first place. like its just so much drama and i dont like how it feels and idk why this relationship turned sour so fast and i wish he would just be nice and sweet to me again. so hopefully things get better 

[weholyperfectioncollectorme-blog]

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I am looking for my first (used) car from a private seller, and I would like to be able to drive it home, so will I have to buy insurance for it before I buy it? And will I have to own the deed before I get the insurance?""

""How much would it cost me for motorcycle insurance in toronto, ontario?""

I'm 16, going on 17 in march, and have my G1. I have a 1984 Honda cm250 custom that has been sitting in the garage and I've decided I'd like my M1 as well. Before I get it I was interested in how much I would be looking at paying for it per month/year. It would be used for pleasure, to get to and from school, and the odd day to go driving, probably less then 12 000km a year. If there's any info missing I'll gladly add it in. Here's all the info on the bike: Years Manufactured: 1982 - 1984 Category: Classic, Custom Engine & Transmission Engine Displacement: 234.00 cc (14.28 cubic inches) Engine Type: Four Stroke Twin Horse Power (kW): 17.00 (12.4) @ 7500 Compression Ratio: 9.4 : 1 Compression Pressure: 170.7 psi (12.0 kg/cm2) Bore x Stroke: 2.09 x 2.09 in (53.00 x 53.00 mm) Valves Per Cylinder: 2 Fuel Control: OHC Ignition System: CDI Cooling system: Air Gears: 5 Number of Plain / Friction Plates (cutch): 6 / 6 Transmission Type / Final Drive: Chain (1982, 1984) Belt (1983) Weight (including oil and gas): 317.5 lbs (144.0 kg) Top speed: ~75 mph (120 Km/h) Fuel Efficiency: ~50 mpg, city (21 Km/L) Engine & Transmission Front Wheel Dimensions: 18 in Rear Wheel Dimensions: 16 in Front Tire Dimensions: 3.25S18-4PR Rear Tire Dimensions: 110/90-16 59S Front Tire Pressure: 25 psi (1.75 kg/cm2) Rear Tire Pressure: 25 psi (1.75 kg/cm2) Rear Tire Pressure (>200 lbs): 32 psi (2.25 kg/cm2) Front Fork Travel: 5.5 in (140 mm) Front Fork Oil Capacity: 4.56 fl oz (135 cc) Rear Fork Travel: 2.9 in (75 mm) Front and Rear Brakes: Expanding Brake (hub) Engine & Transmission Spark Plug Type (NGK / ND): CR7HS / U22FSR-U Electrical System Voltage: 12 volts Alternator Output: 190 watts @ 5000 rpm Fuel capacity (total): 3.3 gal (12.5 lit) Fuel capacity (reserve): 0.4 gal (1.5 lit) Oil Capacity 1.6 qt (1.5 lit)""

Got a fine for no car insurance.?

I got a fine for no car insurance in CA, what will possibly happen to me? I'm fearing the worst...although there should be no excuse for it I didn't have the money at the time.""

Cheap Auto Insurance (Liability)?

I need to register my tags which has expired. I know I need to be insured before doing so. I am looking for an Insurance company whom would insure me today with all proper documentation (today) . Does anyone know of such a company with affordabile rates? Ex: $45.00 or less monthly. I live in Georgia outside Atlanta.

What are your opinions on insurance companies?

hello there.... I need to know what do you guys think about insurance companies.... thanx in advance :) P.S:- it is a school project

If my camera is in my car and it is stolen will my auto insurance cover it?

If my camera is in my car and it is stolen will my auto insurance cover it?

How much would insurance be on property based business?

i have a few acres and was wondering what the insurance would be if i decided to open up a atv/rv park on my land~i would have a waver that made sure all that rode would be rideing at their own risk etc.plus any other limations you could think i might come acrross~

What Classic Cars are cheap and cheap to insure?

I'm coming up to a point in my life when I need to buy a car. (16 years old UK). I want to get a classic car like a classic VW Beetle or an Austin Mini, something with real character and not a typical first car like a Peugeot 106. Have you any suggestions on some cheap cars to insure and ones that you can buy the car for less than about 600-700 used? Thanks.""

""The shutdown has cost 22 Billion in 11 days, how much health insurance would that buy?

in your opinion

""Is it normal for car insurance to cost more than the previous year, even though I made no claims?""

My insurance is coming to an end soon, I last paid 689 for car insurance and was going to consider staying with the same company and let them renew my insurance automatically but then they said that this year it would cost me 978. Isn't car insurance supposed to reduce a little each year? I know prices can change but I have not made no claims yet they are asking for over 200 more this year, is that normal? Other companies that I have used for more than a year in a row have always gone down in price each year but this one is going up?""

Insurance for a 16 year old. ?

I turn 16 on December 30th, and i can get my license on January 4th. I know insurance costs less if you have a 3.0 or something like that in California, thats the state i'm asking about. Our new semester starts when we go back to school on the 3rd or something like that and i will have all a's. I was wondering if anyone knew if they look at those grades, or the final grades from the semester before? this is for the deduction on the insurance, anyone know?""

Affordable health insurance for self employed in Missouri?

Affordable health insurance for self employed in Missouri?

Average motorcycle insurance cost for 17year old male ?

How much would insurance coverage cost me? I am going to take the rider safety course. I have no previous accidents and have above 3.0 GPA. I want to get a Kawasaki Ninja500 because I heard they are great for beginners and are decent bikes as well. Any tips, advice, general information would be much appreciated!""

Which insurance company offer the lowest price to insure my car? I have a Ford contour 2000 y.?

i need for emergency to insure my car in the cheapest way-very important.That's why i need the best offers from insurance Companyes

Can a cop get life insurance?

With the way the economy is...I am considering being a cop after I finish my degree in human development(good for kid teaching). Anyway, can a cop get life insurance? Does it cost more?""

My own insurance if i file independent?

Im 18, if no one claims me as a dependent on their taxes (so i claim independent), will I be taken off my parents insurance? and if so, is it health or life insurance or both? and what are the best insurance options for me if i have to get my own?""

Car insurance question?

I just turned 16 and got my driving permit. I would be using my grandmothers car and she has erie insurance. My question is.. Am I allowed to practice driving on the car even without getting insurance? She insists that I'm not allowed to unless I get insurance but everyone else I know does it without. She thinks that I am going to get in a crash because I can't keep my room clean. (wtf?)

""I'm just wondering, is there anyone here who can't get health insurance?""

If you do have it, how do you get it? and if you don't have it, why not? Spiritually speaking, of course""

What auto insurance should I have for a car that stays in garage?

I live in California, I do have a car that I am not using anymore and it stays in the garage until I decide to sell it. By California law, is there any law that you must have insurance for car? even if it is not being used. if there is a law then what is my best options for auto insurance? Thanks, I appreciate any answer!""

Student health insurance...please help?

So, I'm looking for my first health insurance since becoming independent. What is a reasonable amount for the deductible and monthly payments, coinsurance and the price per office visit? I really have no idea...thanks for any advice. i'm a full time student btw and i'm 19 female""

Can I stay on my parents auto insurance policy if I move out?

I am covered under my parents' insurance policy (Ontario), but am planning to move out on my own. I do not own a car but I want to maintain coverage so that I have a good rating when I do decide to get one, and for the rare time I borrow their car. Can I stay on their policy even though I live elsewhere?""

""What is the penalty for driving without insurance on a motorbike, as i feel it was a genuine oversight?""

I was stopped because of a broken rear light and as it happens my insurance had expired about 4 days before. I wasn't aware that the insurance expired , i thought it was at the end of the month. I didn't receive any reminder because i had forgotten to change address with the insurance company, which was completely my fault. This is a genuine oversight on my part, but I'm not sure if they'll look at previous incident i had with my cousins car when i was a teenager about 7 years ago, i got caught driving without insurance. Probably one of the stupidest things i have done but i learned from it, but the court may not look at it like that. Should i get a solicitor and does anyone know how much they cost? Will i be suspended from driving?""

Who should I trust when it comes to auto insurance?

I am looking for Auto Insurance but want to deal a company I can trust.

aaa car insurance quote nc

aaa car insurance quote nc

Best car insurance for 17 yr olds?

been quoted silly money for car insurance...anyone know who is cheapest for 17 yr old 1st time driver????

Will my car insurance go up because i have a child with a driver's license?

Hello, I am writing from Tucson, Arizona and I have 2 teenage sons (16 & 17) that both live in Wayne County, Michigan (near Detroit). The boys live with my ex-husband and he wont let them get their driver's license because he claims 'his insurance rates will go up'. ???is this true???? (I have a 21 year old daughter and when she was 16 with her driver's license I just excluded her from my insurance with one company and when I switched to another company, I just ommitted telling them I had a teenage driver. Does anyone know who this works in Michigan, Harper Woods, Michigan, I believe he has just a local company with no-fault insurance, state basic minimim insurance. ???Or if the boys do have to get their own insurance when they do get their own car, does anybody know the best rates for new teenage drivers with a good record???? thanks""

Healthcare Homework help?

Here is what i need to find: 1) explore insurance costs for patients with and without cancer 2) will the new Obama healthcare act help patients with cancers be able to access affordable health care insurance rates? 3) do hospitals have the right to reject some patients and refuse care? 4) what are the local, state, and federal laws regarding right to treat? Okay so i've already done some research but some of the questions are kinda vague and im having trouble figuring out what to say and finding info...especially #1. It's supposed to be placed on a poster board for a showcase so it needs to be nice. I dont know much about healthcare so i dont know what i need to focus on?""

Why are insurance group 1 cars so expensive?

Looking at insuring a car - in the UK we have insurance groups for cars, I can look at an Astra in group 16 and second hand I can see decent ones for 500-1000, but when I look at the shittiest cars known to man, the ones in group 1 - they are all 5000-7000 minimum SECOND HAND. Why the hell is this? If I wanted to be ****** in the *** financially, I'd rather it be with the insurance because at least I'd have a decent bloody car.""

Insurance Question?

If I am pregnant and my current employer provided insurance covers maternity but then my husband gets a job out of state and we must move will his comparable insurance pick up my maternity costs even though it is a pre existing situation?

How much does insurance cost for a new young driver with a brand new car in newyork city?

How much does insurance cost for a new young driver with a brand new car in newyork city?

Cheapest Motorcycle insurance?

I have a job & have paid my car insurance fully each month since I was 16 it was expected of me. I also tend to pay for my motorcycle insurance I have 2 jobs & go to College. I have had 3 speeding tickets 2 in 2008 & one in 2009 2 were around 10MPH over & the 3rd was around 15ish. I have my reasons for speeding regardless drive down the interstate & find more then 3 people that don't speed..SERIOUSLY I HAD PLACES TO BE cops are prejudice. Anyway I want a 02 or newer Motorcycle & state farm is my current provider although I know that are Top Of The Line & I just want the cheapest insurance for motorcycles. I understand my rates will be higher then average but I turn 21 in a year and it can only drop. I just need some Input here. Thank you!

How much would insurance be for...?

A 2001 Audi TT, Turbo I think. It would be for a 16-17 year old. Kept in the drive way or a locked garage. I think the car itself is about $6,000 without tax. Dont tell me abunch of stuff like all these statistics and stuff like depending on .... I just want your personal opinoin/rough estimate how much it would be per year or month. I would probably be the occasional driver, and my dad would probably be the primary driver, even though Id drive it more often. Just give me a rough estimate in your opinoin.""

Help Buy Auto Insurance!?

Hi, Just bought a care and now as a second step looking for a auto insurance, must be cheap, reliable and have a good history of dealing with auto insurance. Regards!""

Car insurance???????????????

im 17 and bout 2 insure my car, iv got 1 year no claims bonus on a moped, can that be used to save money on my car insurance.??""

Car Insurance quotes - when you get an online quote and it asks you?

how much your car is worth, do you quote the price you paid for it or its present price..? I ask because if you think about it you could have bought your car last year for 12, 000, and one year later it's worth 9,000. If you car is written off it isn't as ther inusrance company will pay out on the amount you paid for the car.. this happened to my brother and they only paid the value it was worth on the day of his crash which was considerably less....""

How much will my insurance increase after I got a DUI?

I'm an 19 y/o male. I already know I made a bunch of big mistakes in my life, I just want to know how much this portion will cost.""

""I am buying a used innova car, will the car insurance be in my name?

The car is having a loan of Rs 350000/- & i am planing to take over the loan. But if any thing happens to the car in the loan period will the insurance company pay to me or the owner who has made the insurance.

Used 2006 mustang v6 insurance for teens?

how much do you think insurance will be for a teen ages 16-17. (estimate) will it be cheap or expensive because it is used. and what if it is under the parent's plan? thank you

""Does car insurance go down when you move to a different state, if so how do i lower mine? (see details)?""

I used to live in LA and my car insurance was 46.00. Well, I went to progressive and did a quote with my new address which is in TX and my car insurance quote is for 26.00. How do i go about getting these new rates since I no longer live in Louisiana.""

How much do you pay for car insurance?

I'd like to know the insurance price for a 1.8 litre car, about 5 years old, driver being older than 26 years old, and no claims bonus not included, in different countries. In Ireland I get a quote about 1,200 Thanking you all in advance !!""

""Heres another crock of feces, about car insurance!?""

Apparently I didnt get the lowest rate because I didnt open an account or have a loan before age 25. What the F? does that have to do with the ability to drive a car? Also not because of no history of car loans or leases. Once again, What the F? does that have to do with the ability to drive a car? Also not because I have 2 accounts in good standing. I need more? or less? Once again, What the F? does that have to do with the ability to drive a car? Your company has never paid one dime to me or because of me. YET YOU BASE YOUR PREMIUMS ON NON RELATED ISSUES! F?ING BITE ME, WHAT A BUNCH OF SCAM ARTISTS! No wonder people commit insurance fraud. Because insurance companys F? you all the time. Another good one, recoupment fee. If you get money you have to pay it back. What was the purpose of the insurance in the first place? Now I know why we need billions of gallons of oil so much. Vaseline is a by product.""

How much would the treatment cost for stage 3 non-hodgkin's lymphoma if you didn't have insurance?

My friend put a friend of hers who was just diagnosed with stage 3 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in touch with me today, but I really don't know how to help her. She's 21, fresh out of college but unemployed, and does not have insurance. I don't know why she wasn't still on her parents' plan, or how student healthcare insurance works. She's terrified not just about the diagnosis itself but the cost. She was already financially strapped and trying to figure out how to pay for housing after college. I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma at 16-17, but my parents have insurance, and they are the ones who handled the bills. I never paid for anything myself so I really don't know about the cost involved. I saw one bill for my radiation and was literally shocked-still by the amount. It was like $1500 for each treatment I think, and I was getting them Monday-Friday then. Chemo was much more, but I never saw a bill for it so I really don't know the price. I did see a bill for one night I spent in the emergency room when I had this awful infection and a terrible fever, and without insurance that one night would have been over $7000! With insurance I think it was like $2400. All of my treatments and doctor's offices are in posh medical facilities in affluent parts of Los Angeles like Beverly Hills and Westwood / Bel Air, so perhaps that's why my medical care was so much. I honestly don't know. I wish I knew how to support or advise this girl. She's too old to attend the support group I went to, and I don't really know that much about NH-L because it's quite different than HL. I was fortunate to never have to be concerned about the finances, and I don't even know what the total amounted to since my parents won't tell me. They said, that it's not my concern. It was all medical care for me, so you'd think it would be my concern, but whatever. Will her oncologist's office help her to find financial support? How does that even work? What do they do if you can't pay? It would suck if she had to file bankruptcy this early in her life. Won't that keep her from getting a job, a loan for a house, and everything else? She went to USC. Can recent alumni be treated at their hospital for a reduced price? I was treated at UCLA, and I think at UCLA students can get medical care at a reduced cost. At my school I think we can as well. I don't know. You just show your student card. All bills are sent to your parents, so I don't know how it works. What should I tell her? She wants my help. All I really know to do is to send her the links I have on my profile. I can give her emotional support, but am clueless about financial support. What's the total cost of this going to most likely be for her?""

Cheap cars to insure at 18?

Im looking for some cheap cars to insure for an 18 year old. Stuff like 106 quicky's, gti's, corsa,punto,saxo,clio. Ive been wanting a clio williams but there very dear on insurance if u can give me a price for any of these cars from the top of your head it would help thanks.""

How much would car insurance cost for me if I got a car?

I'm 22 years old and have been driving since I was 18. Never got pulled over, a ticket, or in any accidents since I've been driving. Been on my moms insurance since then but I'm looking into getting my own used car and just curious as to how much it would cost for someone like me.""

How do I drive a new car home if I can't get insurance on it for another 2 weeks?

My insurance company said they need the car title before they can give me insurance on the car. This doesn't make any sense, the dealer say they cannot hold on to the car once it's bought because it's not their responsbility anymore. But I need to buy the car to get the title and the title won't be processed for 1-2 weeks. So once I buy the car I need to take it home but that means driving without insurance, what's going on here is it okay?""

Would a 2001 jetta VR6 be expensive for insurance?

Would it be expensive for insurance, im 17 almost 18 male car costs around 6000""

What is a 1989-94 Nissan 240sx considered as?

Sports car, classic, what? I mean what would the car insurance consider it as? Serious question, mature answers please. Thanks!""

Is Progressive a good auto Insurance provider?

I have used Geico for years. I have been extremely satisfied with their service. However, my premium is still more than I want to pay. I got a quote for Progressive and it is considerably less. Anyone out there have Progressive and satisfied with them? How have they handled claims in the past? Any other good, reasonably priced auto insurance companies?""

Start up restaurant in chicago need insurance.?

I'm looking for affordable insurance that want break the bank.

aaa car insurance quote nc

aaa car insurance quote nc

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/kia-picanto-free-insurance-alexander-moreno/"

[catchmeiimfalliing]

tips for self-confidence?

if any of y’all have some advice or words of wisdom they’d be appreciated right now. boring blabber under the cut

Lately I’ve been zoning out a lot and I usually end up ruminating. There’s a TL;DR at the bottom.

and usually i just start thinking about how when I think about it I don’t have any great skills? like i thought i was good at singing but i mean, i can carry a tune fine but nothing special. and my chest tone isn’t great and i dont have a lot of power and i can be pitchy so half the time it doesn’t feel worth it to try

i like playing piano but i never actually learned so even though i can learn stuff eventually it never actually sounds good and i only do it alone bc i fuck up a lot

and i get okay grades i guess but my work ethic is shit and the work is never as good as i want

and anything that i’m kinda good at like im learning german and i do well in hydrology labs and stuff it generally feels really useless around other people bc its so niche and typically no one really cares.

i think im okay at cooking but it doesn’t matter cause i dont usually eat very healthy and also im the pickiest eater in the world so i feel like shit most of the time when i think too hard about food. i wish i liked more stuff but i just get so much anxiety around eating new foods or even worse for stuff ive tried and dont like and that sounds so childish i know and i feel so bad about it but fight or flight kicks in

i dont feel like ive dont anything good or helpful or interesting with my life. like i’m starting to, now, bc im less scared maybe?? like i skate now, and i tried going to the gym, and i might even be willing to go camping this year. but i feel ashamed and sad and embarrassed that i didnt volunteer or get a job in high school and i dont even drive yet because it scares the living shit out of me

and i hear other people like ‘i have this great wardrobe bc i save money and then go and buy things that look good together!!’ and im like i wear cat ears like a fucking freak

i hear people like “oh yeah i worked at this place for a while and learned a lot and now i have these great life skills that helped me get my current job!!” and im like “i sold burgers once.”

and theyre like “oh man i want to change the world” and i just feel so helpless looking at people who have their shit together what with their ambition and their organized sticky notes and their LACK OF DAILY MENTAL BREAKDOWNS and i just feel really worthless compared to everyone else

and to top it all off (they might even see this but hey whatever) i don’t want to just call friends or w/e. i feel like me being like this is just the norm, and that im really fucking annoying for being a whiny little bitch all the time. its like “well damn, Jay’s crying again, what else is new.” and i know they dont really think that but im terrified of being the annoying friend who has too many problems. i’m scared of being all “attention seeking” and like, we all had problems last year and that sucked, but i feel like im the only one still struggling a lot now, and the only one who hasn’t just learned to deal with life

i feel like this all the goddamn time but i dont wanna just go to someone every time im all ~sad~ again. im sick of this but last time i tried to get counseling or whatever it didnt end up helping at all and i don’t know what to do. im trying to just go about my business but it’s hard to get anything done when your crippling mediocrity and existential dread is staring you in the face

the days seem to just pass by, and it’s just a cycle of dreading things and looking forward to things but i’m scared that I’ll never be content with anything or confident in myself.

If you actually read that thank you so much for listening <3 and im sorry to be a drag

TL;DR: i’m frustrated by my lack of experiences or life skills or worthwhile talents and am sad a lot but i’m scared i won’t be able to grow and deal with this and ill be stuck in this anxious spiral that holds me back forever

[anything-advice-blog]

Submission - URGENT

URGENT

sorry i tried to find the key word and read faq and disclaimer multiple times but cant find a thing (if you still use it) but i found out my best friend attemped suicide today but apparently chickened out of it in the last minute and now hes in hospital. its 2 am and its been over a hour since i found out but im still shaking and crying and not sure if i can properly stand or walk.

1. what if he had done it / succeeded (im not sure what happened) idk what i would have done and what if he tries again and this time it actually happens, it would be so horrible and i dont know i dont fucking know

2. i also dont know what to say to him, he always blames himself for every single thing, “im so glad you didnt do it” -> he’d think he did something wrong (which he of course did but i understand and dont blame him im just so happy hes still alive) and then never tell me about anything again, “please dont hurt yourself again” -> he’d think he did something even more wrong. also he never tells me about how hes feeling bc he doesnt want anyone to worry about him, like when i found out about today it was bc he told me “lol theyre gonna drug test me loll”.. but it works the opposite bc now i never know when hes hurting himself or feeling down so i have to be worried 24/7.

3. this is all just so terrible and all i can imagine is him in ambulance or calling the emergency number or lying in hospital bed and i dont even know what he has done because HE DOESNT TELL ME ANYTHING. and i would like to say he doesnt deserve this and ofc hes my best friend and i just want to see him happy and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa but hes actually been pretty rude to me recently and ive been so angry at him and this is all just too much bc im still mad af at him but at the same time very WORRIED.

4. im feeling so guilty bc i was at a party today and had really fun and he was TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF. also im really bad at listening and always trying to say something positive but i know that theres nothing positive about his life situation and i kinda understand why he did this.

and everythings just a mess and i dont know what to do and say and what if he does it again and now its nearly 3 am and i should be up at 8.30 but idk if i can go to school but i really should and the school portraits are taken tomorrow morning and im gonna look like a corpse

probably the worst thing is how hes not wanting any help or anyone to worry and all his messages are just “lol tried to kill myself but im still here wasting oxygen ahahah”-style (the 3 short messages he has sent about this). its actually so big and serious thing but i would probably act the same. i WANT to worry about him, hes so important to me i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know

*TRIGGER WARNING - SUICIDE**

Hey love,

I personally want to apologise for getting to this ask so late, and I sincerely hope that you and your friend are okay. Firstly, discovering that your friend has attempted suicide can be such a scary and daunting experience, and I want to make sure that you are okay. This can be a lot to deal with, and a lot to take in, and it’s extremely important that you are looking after your own health. Please do not hesitate to talk to a professional or a trusted adult/friend about how you feel, because if your friend is in danger of harming himself, it is not solely your responsibility to look after him. 

As for the first part of your ask, it would be absolutely devastating if he had succeeded, and that would be tremendously hard to deal with. However, just try to think positively, as he didn’t succeed, and he is still here, living and breathing - even if he doesn’t want to be. This gives everyone time to find the best help available before it happens again. 

People who are experiencing these feelings often blame themselves, and unfortunately there’s nothing that you can do to turn that around. When saying things such as “I’m glad you didn’t do it,” perhaps try and think of a different way to phrase how you say it to them. For example, rather than saying “please don’t hurt yourself again,” tell him how proud you are that he hasn’t been hurting himself. That will ensure that doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong, however that’s purely just an example.

Of course he doesn’t deserve this - no one does. If he is being rude to you - just try to understand that he is emotional, and that sometimes he isn’t thinking rationally. Obviously that is much easier said rather than done, but sometimes it cannot be helped. 

In no way should you feel guilty for doing something that you genuinely want to do, such as going out to a party, for a fear that something will happen to him. You cannot stop your life in order to watch over someone 24/7, as this will make your mental health deteriorate, and it’s not your responsibility at all. However, it is still okay to be worried, because that’s what friends do, and it’s completely normal. 

Have you tried talking to his parents, or someone close to him that could potentially help in getting him to seek professional help? It’s so important in this situation that he gains the best help he can in order to prevent any suicide attempts, and to overall better his mental health. 

I really hope that you and your friend are okay, and I’m going to list some online counselling services below that either of you can easily access to ensure that you can get some professional help when and if you need it.

Headspace

Beyondblue

SANE

Lifeline

Lizzie x