#i just dont understand how she could think any of it is my fault

[brainjuicey]

I like those little stories about heartbreak and two people who come back together like streams of a river, like the one by my house, because i think life was cruel to me and the love I had that "all turned to guilt and shame" because. because. there's a lot of reasons and also none. it just happened. we broke up. I don't even know who I'm mourning. if we could've figured out how to fix what went wrong, I would have, she didn't feel the same way. I was tired of always being the one who had the plan, until the plan didn't serve her anymore.

[sporesgalaxy]

The way Dungeon Meshi does gender makes me insane. It’s stated over and over that Falin and Laios really are more similar than anyone is looking for- Laios directly states as much at one point, Marcille mentions it when Falin wakes up the first time and starts bemoaning not eating any monsters, the magic mirror story even has fem!Toshiro crushing on Laios- but Laios is so protective of his little sister. Laios leaves home to start making a life he can one day share with her. And she leaves magic school because he has failed, and failed so hard that she’s worried that she might never see him again if she lets him leave without her. He wants to protect her from the way the world treats him, but he does not or does not want to understand the terrible truth- the world will never treat her as harshly as it does him, because she is a pretty ‘quirky’ girl and he is a big autistic man. Falin is happy, doing well in her own sphere, making a single friend (because she is still autistic, and has struggles of her own, even if they’re a different kind), but Laios still feels a need to protect her because his experience of this world has been nothing but cold shoulders and distrust all the way down. This story makes me want to sprint into the river. Laios and Falin are the best characters of all time.

Ouhhhhh I dont have time to reread dungeon meshi to give you good sources but based on my doodoo memory and vibes therein: I have to disagree that Falin was necessarily doing "well," and I especially disagree that the tragedy here is that Laios was doing something unnecessary by trying to make a place in the world for him and Falin.

Falin gets along seemingly ok in the world but it's because she's agreeable to a fault .

What's so interesting to me about the Touden siblings is the different ways they've learned to deal with being The Odd Man Out. Laios set out to try and forcefully carve out a PLACE for him and Falin in the world, where they could both openly and unabashedly be themselves.....Falin stayed behind, and learned how to hide the things that made her stick out too much, and how to appease people on the verge of rejecting her and Laios.

That can be functional, but it isn't good. It isn't happiness. It hurts in a million tiny ways every single day, to hide yourself out of fear of rejection like that.

At school, Falin must have spent a lot of time alone before she befriended Marcille, since Falin was familiar enough with the surrounding wilderness that she knew where that small Dungeon opening was. She sought out what happiness she could by following her unusual passions in more private ways, where no one would judge her for it. Falin didn't expect anyone NOT to judge her for her "weirdness" before she met Marcille, so Falin didn't even try to connect with anyone before Marcille at a level more personal than "classmate." That's not doing well. That's not living.

This kind of self-isolation is a coping mechanism for neurodivergence that functions for a while, but it eats away at you. Falin considered marrying Toshiro despite not loving him, essentially because it seemed like the normal thing to do and she didn't think she'd get another chance to be married at all. What if she had gone through with that, or something similar by the same reasoning? Laios lived in a state of being rejected over and over, which obviously hurts like hell. In contrast, Falin was willing to live a life she never wanted just to avoid total rejection. That can be incredibly painful too, in its own way.

Falin and Laios were BOTH tragically fighting doomed battles to find a place for themselves in the world during the time they were separated. Working together, supporting each other, they're able to do a lot more. Cries.

[badgyalshii]

ITS NEVER OVER |||| (FINALE)

Word count: 4.1k

Paul Atredies x F!Reader (always safe for POCS + PLUSSIZE)

warnings: do NOT read this without reading the past chapters! This is the FINALE. Depression, language, death.

A/n: no words can describe how much this fic lowkey affected me, im greatful for my new followers and thank you for reading this and riding in this journey with me! I love you all, and proceed with caution, and once yr done reading come ttm!

READDDD THE FIRST CHAPTERS! LAST WARNING ITS RLLY GOOD🙄 I . II . III . IV .

Although you and chani shared a room,it still felt like something was missing, and it was clearly paul. You were already scared, but now you grew uncomfortable, you knew these people around you, but it was clear as day something changed, and both you and chani spoke about it, the tension in the air thick between the people you knew your whole life, something was up. You still didn't know where he was and you explained this to chani which she held you in her arms and listened to you vent while softly messing with your hair. ¨he will find you, he will come back, paul is strong, y/n, smart�� she muttered, looking at you. You would cry if you could, but you never did. It was a rule, don't waste water, so it was in your bones not to cry. It was still your first day coming back to the palace, and it was late at night, you barely heard any footsteps outside of the rather big, dark, and quiet room.

¨maybe i should try to find him?¨ you said, looking at up chani and she let out a sigh before letting you go and touching her chin, rubbing it before coming up to your cheek. ¨you deserve rest. This is too much, enough about paul y/n! Just sleep. That's all you need to do, he will find you¨ her tone was demanding to which you didn't understand why, you furrowed your eyebrows and looked at her sadly, and she laughed before standing up. ¨you know what? Do what you want to y/n. 6 years on the road for what! I've spent my years with you, and you aren't appreciative at all, it hurts my feelings,¨ she revealed, putting her hands on her hips and pacing. ¨paul, paul, paul! Go find him! And when you do and hes not the same dont even fucking talk to me¨ she laughed. ¨chani, don't be like this-¨

¨like what? Seriously, what? If thats what you want, go fucking get it. Because I'm done. I've done enough! You can't even live without paul! Have you not learned anything on your own? From stilgars teachings? From me?!¨ She blew up, all the things she wanted to finally say, she said, before she couldn't, because she tried her best to hear you out, but god you are so hard headed. She didn't even want to look at you. ¨why are you treating me like this?¨ you whispered, looking at her hurt. There was a lump in your throat and your lip pouted. ¨stop treating me like this¨ you said, looking at her begging. ¨you're so unbelievable. I hope you find what you want¨ she sighed and exited the door. You watched as she left before standing and trying to push the frog in your throat down with your knuckles.

This was all so sudden, why does she feel this way? Why did she do that to you? What did you do that was so wrong. But you were now awoken, aware that she wasn't wrong at all, and it hurt. It hurt that you were this way, could you live without paul? It wasn't your fault that you felt like this, maybe she was just jealous, but that isn't the right way of thinking. You laid in the cotton sheets and sat in the darkness, thinking, drifting throughout all of your thoughts as your throat clogged up and you tried your hardest to fight the feeling, but you couldn't. You let out a weak sob, trying to fight the tears that were about to escape your eyes. You swallowed, why? How long had she been feeling this way? Did she secretly hate you? Does she hate you? Maybe you're exaggerating. You came to terms with that and hoped when you slept you woke up to paul.

Knock knock knock

You woke up in a panic, how long have you slept? Was it the next morning? The room was horrifyingly black and you'd been in such a trance you forget what happened before you went to sleep. You heard the knocks again and you became nervous, slowly standing and wondering if you should pretend like you just weren't there, and suddenly the door opened, hardened eyes looked at you, you could feel it, but you couldn't see it. You heard the door creek as it continued to open until the door hit the wall with a small bang.

You slowly crouched down, reaching for the dagger that was in your boot, ̈hello?!¨ you called out after you stood in position. What the fuck was going on? So many thoughts coursed through your head as you wondered who was looking at you, would they say anything back? What should-

¨ Empress irulan has called you for dinner¨ the deep dark voice said, before reaching for the light and flickering it on. You let out an oh and your position changed to an awkward one, putting the dagger in your pocket before he turned the light on. You nodded your head, before letting out a chuckle. ¨erm, didn't know there was a light¨ he didn't find it funny, but he didn't look like he found anything funny. He wore a mask that covered his mouth and his eyebrows looked like he was always angry. ¨follow me¨ he said before turning around, and started walking without you.

It didn't take you long to follow him, the halls were long and quiet, only light from the chandeliers supporting your vision, if it wasn't such a gut sickening situation, the place would seem cooler and more lovely. The only thing that could be heard is the guards hard steps against the pavement of the floor. You looked around and tried to take in the area but every time you tried to think about something positive you couldn't help but think maybe this was the night you were gonna die. You had no protection besides your own, considering chani was mad and ran off to wherever. ¨bitch¨ you muttered under your breath thinking about it, and that seemed to take over your mind now. Why would she do that? What an asshole, and you both could have just talked about it! No need to blow up in your face, trash. You seemed to still be angry about it as you arrived to the door.

You finally arrived at the offly secret room, the entire room was black, the only thing that shined was the dinner table and irulan since there was a single chandelier hanging almost close to touch the dinner table, which must've been sturdy. Irulan sipping wine with a dinner plate in front of her and the same thing on the opposite side of her, guessing that space was for you. “Your majesty” the guard says, irulan looks over at the guard and the guard took notice before nodding, leaving the premises.

There you were, all alone, or you'd hope, with Irulan. Truth was, you could take her on your own no problem. You silently walked over and she watched you the entire time, you pulled out your own seat before scooting yourself in. you cleared your throat and looked ahead. Pretty embarrassing, if you will.

Irulan was dressed in silks, diamonds, everything anyone would want, her hair soft, teeth white and the way she stared at you like you were so beneath her was infuriating, but also made you insecure. You knew how you looked. Your hair is messy. Rips in your clothes. Self care isn't really relevant when you're on the road. She sipped her wine slowly, watching your every move before she set down the glass, and when she did, it was an offly loud sound. You awkwardly looked at her, you tried, tried your hardest actually to hide the fact that you were nervous, that you were scared, but the way that Irulan was looking at you, it was as if she could already tell.

Looking at this glorious food and wine made your throat quench, your mouth watering at the sight. It was filled with mashed potatoes, steak and vegetables, clearly from somewhere else because on this planet you don't really get such fantasies. You looked down at the meal and pursed your lips together, it wasn't that serious, but when you've been looking for scraps for years, and there was a plate just looking at you, waiting for it to be eaten, there's only so much you could do.

You didn't trust it, you averted your eyes from the plate and back up to her. ¨you can eat, you know¨ she said, her voice stern and upright as a smirk played on her lips. She couldn't help but laugh, her white teeth showcasing while you sat there, nervous, suspicious, annoyed, but now, embarrassed. Was there no way you could beat her? Was she just better than you? That wasn't even the point, was she aiming to kill you tonight.

You shut out all of the questions, this was a shot to assert your dominance.your eyebrows furrow in a suspicious state and you placed your hands together. ¨why am I here?¨and you broke her laugh, her eyebrows raised as she cleared her throat. This time, you sat tall, your voice strong. Stronger than you thought it would be. She came back to sitting straight and took a sip of her wine once again.

¨why did you come back?¨ she answered your question with another question. You looked at her before wincing your eyes, ¨is this about paul-¨ before you could finish your sentence, she cleared her throat and flashed you a soft smile. ¨We haven't talked since the wedding, won't even have a child for the sake of his bloodline¨ she said, now she has become comfortable. Picking up her glass and moving it to where the liquid forms into a circle. You had nothing to say. ¨you're a very smart girl¨ she says, looking at the glass.

¨I am a woman, thank you¨ you stated, you sat up, she eyed you, her head slowly turning up as she looked at you up and down once again. The room fell quiet. Weirdly quiet. She studied you again and again, as if she was trying to find out about you. ¨do you have secrets?¨ she asked, picking up her fork and taking a bite of her steak. ¨doesn't everyone?¨ you replied. The way she bit the steak, man, you wanted a piece. You could feel your stomach rumble. She chewed and nodded her head. ¨is the reason why you came back a secret?¨ she asked, swallowing her steak.

¨i came back because paul is the one i love-¨ ¨he's changed¨ irulan cut you off. ¨lots of blood on your hands can make you a changed person, you'll see¨ she winked and pointed her fork at you. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, ¨how do you know if you guys haven't talked since the wedding?¨ you argued, but you didn't want to fight it off, you wanted to hear what she had to say. ¨you'll see it, in his eyes-¨ ¨everyone knows his eyes are blue-¨

¨it's not that, y/n. Hes….what is a good way to say this¨ she thought out loud. ¨grumpy¨ she finished, before taking another bite of her steak. ¨and by grumpy you mean what?¨ ¨lazy¨ she replies, now taking a bite of her mashed potatoes before she looks up at you. ¨How could he be lazy if he's been gone for two years trying to find me? You know, I don't understand you. What are you trying to get out of me? Hm? What do you want?¨ you put your hands on the table about to lift yourself so suddenly before irulan stood and told you not to move. ¨I ordered the guards to watch and if you make any sudden movements they will take you out no hesitancy, i recommend you sit¨ she says quickly. You look in her eyes, it showed genuine concern as her hand was on yours.

¨ So you're scared of me?¨ you lowered, she sat along with you before shrugging and drinking the rest of what was in her wine glass. ¨let's be honest, you could have taken me out the first time you saw me . irulan says, you say nothing as you watch her, ̈and the food is poisoned?¨ you asked. She shook her head no, all this time wasted, you could've been with chani, you could've left, to find paul,, but here you sat. ¨so once again. Why am i here?¨ you asked again.

¨I don't want to be weak to others, if Paul comes back, I don't want anyone to know about you guys¨ she answers genuinely, it seems as if she's quite tipsy. You chuckle ¨irulan. Everyone does,¨ this was surprising, and how could irulan possibly want you to hide your love for paul when that's all you've really known, even in public, holding hands, considerably long hugs, small and innocent kisses. ¨ Now if you would excuse me¨ you look up, around before slowly standing, leaving irulan where she was. She looked at you, watched you intently and her eyes sat fierce, almost telling you to watch your back silently. You let out a breath before taking the plate and the wine with you, exiting the door and now having to find your way back to your room.

What a shitshow in one day, you would've thought things went way different, and you thought about it in your head, the scenario you had as you continued to walk through the halls.

You ran to the walls of the palace, and the security guard finally smiled for once in his life, considering the usual role he had to play as the job. You imagined he told you, “Paul's waiting, go to your room” and somehow you just knew where the room was. You'd see paul, paul sleeping, wondering what he dreamed of, since he was sleeping such soft snores, his nose flaring only from time to time. His eyebrows relaxed, his lightly chapped lips parted, taking in the air and softly breathing out. He wasn't tucked into the bed- no only when you were there to touch him and hold him in his sleep. He was shirtless, you touched his arm and softly forwarded it to the side of his cheek and up to his hair. His eyebrows would furrow before he opened his eyes, and when he did he blinked twice. Oh you remembered this like your left and your right, he wouldn't believe it, he would be so desperate in such a good situation, he cried for it. You'd make love to teach others before the night ended how it usually did, with you holding him and running your hands all through his hair and you both fell asleep.

You were so stuck in the dream that you bumped shoulders with someone, you caught a quick smell of this other, they smelled of salt and sand and as they took another step, you heard the crunch from his shoes. “Sorry” you let out a mutter, it came out in a groggy tone, didn't sound like you usually do, you sounded weak, sad and it didn't help that your head was hung low. He let out a hum and continued walking, at this point, you didn't care anymore, your day was already bad. You continued to walk, stepping and not picking up your feet before you decided maybe it was time to try the mashed potatoes that were on the plate, before you heard footsteps running to you, you looked over, did irulan just send one of her guards to you? But as he got closer, you saw his eyes, hazel, just looking at you and staring at you whilst he ran. You dropped the plate but kept the knife that was on the plate and stood in position for the second time today.

As the unknown person ran to you, you tried to breathe faster, heavier to tell when they were close, there he was! Quick! His hands reached out to you and when he pressed his body to yours, there was a squelch sound, of the knife breaking skin. You looked into the eyes that were pouring into your own with fear on your face, had you just made a mistake? The hazel eyes piercing your own were in shock, also covered in fear and you heard his mouth become agape. What the fuck just happened? Who is this?

You reach up with your free hand as he continued to hold you tightly and leaned on you, letting out a mutter, ¨y/n¨ he let out, you took off the mask and, ¨oh my god, no…no no no¨ your eyebrows furrowed as your mouth became agape. You froze and your hands shook, guilt covering your body.

¨paul¨ you said, when he tried to talk, he coughed blood on your face, drops of blood on the side of your lips and on your cheek, you let go of the knife in your hand and his body weight completely leaned on you making you both fall down. ¨paul paul paul, no!¨ you yelled, ¨no!¨ this couldn't be true, you were washed of accidental betrayal. All the blood dropped from your head to your feet. You laid him flat on his back and he choked every time he breathed, ¨talk to me! Please keep breathing, please, paul, please, it was an accident!¨ you let out, you sat in his lap and looked at the wound, you wouldn't be able to take off his thick cover as a shirt without taking out the knife, the handle was too thick. Sniffles came to your nose as you let out a loud fuck. ¨c-calm..do-wn¨ he choked. You looked at him before ripping off your shirt and wrapping it around his both to apply pressure to the wound. You leaned up and put your hand on the side of his cheek, your hand covered in his blood as you pleaded for him to stay alive. When he started to be unresponsive, still breathing and looking at you, trying to speak, you called out for help, yelled out that paul atreides has been stabbed, the emperor has been stabbed!

Guards instantly came and ripped you off of him, they put you in shitty and gritty handcuffs that itched your hands, but you weren't focused on that, tears brimmed your eyes as you watched the blood continue to pour from his mouth, he looked over, his body jittering, his lips moving as he was trying to tell you something, ¨i-i..found..¨ his hand reached up to you. ¨paul! Please!¨ you cried, yelling, the guards pulled you away and you shouted, ¨i love you! Please, hold on! Wait for me!” you yelled, you tried breaking out of the guards firm hands but it was no use, and it was probably better that way, better to get him to safety. You sniffled again and your head hung low as they pulled you to wherever.

You traveled down the stairs, into this place you didn't know, but as you continued to walk, there were cells, prison cells. People in them looked desperate, starved. Tears continued to stroll down your cheek, why? Why out of all days, you are positive you just killed the love of your life, and you didn't even hesitate. They took off the cuffs and threw you in a cell, you fell to the ground and on your knees as the guards looked down at you from the other side of the gate. ¨just, tell me when he is alive…please ̈ you begged, looking up at them. One laughed while the other shook his head at you before they both walked away.

The cell was cold and looking at the marks on the wall, you could tell this isn't the place to be. You sat on the ground, knees up to your chest, you didn't want to eat, you didn't want to sleep, you just wanted to know if Paul was alive, it had been three days, men in the cells were picking at you, but you paid them no mind. Three shitty trays of food sat in front of you, a guard felt bad for you, telling you, you should eat something, but you just couldn't. You sat in the same position they left you in, lips chapped, body shivering, and you were sure you would never return.

Suddenly, you heard something from the intercom, clear as day, you looked up to the speaker in your cell, ¨excuse me¨ you heard them clear their throat, this was the time, to know if he was alive, you stood and paced, waited on them to speak again, anxiety in your stomach and a rock laid in your throat, you tried to push it down with your knuckles. You looked at the speaker, eager and needy. ¨our emperor,¨ they cleared their throat again…you put your hands on your hair, ¨hurry up!¨ you yelled, still pacing.

¨has fallen¨ a shriek left your lips, hurt washed through your body and you fell on your knees again. Prisoners cheered through the cells, hell yeahs, wooo!´s. You grabbed your heart as cries escaped your lips, your throat hurt, you screamed from the top of your lungs. ¨y/n y/l/n has murdered the emperor¨ your mouth only fell more and you covered it with the palm of your hand. ¨holy! Ain't that you?!¨ the prisoner across from you said, while pointing at you. You said nothing, but he laughed. ¨emperor got killed by a girl!¨ he joked, but then, people started cheering you on now.

You heard a chant of your name and it made your head almost dizzy. ¨no! Shut up! Shut up!¨ you yelled, voice hoarse, no one could hear you the way they screamed and cheered, smiles on their faces. You lost so much breath your vision was poor, but then you heard your cell being opened, you laid over, looking at the ground before you felt guards grabbing you from under your armpits and lifting you up, your feet dragged as they were forced to move you. You still heard others shouting your name. What was this? Where were they taking you? You couldn't focus on one thing, and when you closed your eyes, they stayed close.

When you awoke, your neck and wrists were restrained, when you opened your eyes and looked up, there was a crowd, filled with freman, your people, shouting kill her. Your eyebrows furrowed when you looked at your wrists, you were about to be beheaded. You shook and tried to get out of there. Others laughed and you looked up again. They stood chani and paul's mother, chani looked sick, this wasn't true. Irulan stood there also, a black veil on her head as she watched you, no emotion on her face, but then suddenly there was a smirk. ¨silence!¨ a man yelled over the crowd, ¨does anyone object to this death sentence?¨ he yelled over. You looked at chani, then Lady Jessica, your eyes pleaded, but the way they wanted you dead, if they tried to fight for you, it seemed like they would be in your situation also. Stilgar looked at you with a stern, hard and stiff look. All these people, all your people, just turned a blind eye to the love you and Paul shared, you didn't even get a chance to explain yourself, would you go out unheard? Your breath quickened and you tried to calm yourself, tried to make peace, but once you blinked your eyes, they never opened.

This was it, you were dead. At least you would meet him on the other side. Looking back on it, maybe this was meant to be, in a way, it was beautiful. The pair suffered when they were not together, but now they get everlasting peace and happiness. Maybe they would get married, walk along the green grass, dress in all white, have a few kids together. They had each other, through thick and thin, when they hadn't seen each other for years their hearts were still connected and thought about each other everyday. But this is the end. Lovers now turn into soulmates as they fade off in the air together, and never look back.

TAGLIST 🏷

@huh01011 @heartsforchalamet

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for yelling at my friend when i found out he had sex in my car?

i (26f) lived with my friend John (26m) when we were in college. John didnt have a car, but i did so i did most of the driving when we needed groceries/whatever we needed to go out for (it was a college town so it was mostly walkable, so we didnt need to drive every day). i have issues with other people using my car, especially when im not there (if anything goes wrong id rather it be my fault than have to deal with someone else totaling my car). but John had a girlfriend (Sarah) who also didnt have a car, so he would sometimes borrow my car (with my permission ofc, he never took it without me knowing) to take her on dates. when they were gone, i would constantly be nervous that something went wrong. there would be times they would go to a movie, then they would be gone for longer than the movie's runtime and i would get so anxious that something happened, then find out that they had just gone shopping/to dinner/etc after the movie ended. i never bothered saying anything because i didnt want to seem like a control freak saying "you can only borrow my car if you tell me exactly what you're doing and when you'll be back"

anyways, fast forward to now. i got a new car a couple years ago, John and i no longer live together (not because of any problems, we just got our own places after we graduated), and he is still with Sarah. one day John, Sarah, a few of our other friends, and i were all hanging out.

then at one point, Sarah made a joke about having sex in the car after Yesterday (the beatles movie from a few years ago). then i said "hold on, didnt you guys borrow my car to see that movie?" and everyone got really quiet. i turned to John and said "you had sex in my car???" and he tried to laugh it off but didnt deny it. and i got MAD. i was yelling at him and admittedly was pretty harsh (like calling him insensitive for violating my trust & property)

he said something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but it was a long time ago and theres nothing i can do to change it, and you dont even have the car anymore" and i realized he was right, and that screaming at him wasnt going to accomplish anything, but i was still mad so i left and went home

i asked some of my friends that were there if i was being crazy, and they basically said that it was understandable that i was mad, but yelling at him in front of everyone just made them uncomfortable and killed the vibe for the rest of the night, and there was nothing any of us could do about it now. no one told me how Sarah reacted, but she has really bad anxiety so knowing her, im guessing she didnt take it well that i got mad about something she said, and i do feel bad about that (though, in fairness, i assume she knows common decency and would know that having sex in someone else's car is wrong)

anyways, i dont think im the asshole because i think i have a right to be upset about that, and even though it was a long time ago i JUST found out about it so it wasnt that long ago for me. but i know i might be the asshole just because i yelled at John in front of our friends and made everyone uncomfortable over something that he can't do anything about anymore, and since i dont even have that car anymore, it has no impact on my life

tldr: my friend had sex in my car years ago and i found out about it and tried to fight with him about it in front of a bunch of our other friends, and it made everyone uncomfortable. so, am i the asshole for getting angry years after my friend had sex in my car? 🚗

What are these acronyms?

[iouinotes]

Heroic Betrayal | Luke Castellan (part 1)

SPOILER FOR THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS SERIES AND THE BOOKS

pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader

show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

warnings: dark!character, betrayal, implied sexual content, heavy angst, kidnapping

word count: 5,8k

summary: When Luke switches to the dark side, he tries everything possible to win you for him.

a/n: so as the show comes to an end (dont cry dont cry dont cry), I thought I would finally post this :)))

read part 2 here

"I'll find you!" his voice echoes through the forest, my laughter much louder than I intend to. But that´s just how it always goes. It's our own little tradition.

Every year when the camp starts again and we meet after the holidays passed, we play hide and seek in the dangerous forest of the half-blood camp. The creatures usually don't come across our path, in recent years it has rarely happened, that we actually had to defend ourselves against them.

Once it was an angry dryad, who threw branches at me (she had a crush on Luke and wanted revenge, but since I could understand her feelings and felt sad for her, we sorted it out).

Another time we were spotted by some camp members, who made fun of us, but Luke must have said something to them later, because we haven't been bothered by these troublemakers since.

It is always the same pattern, but each time there is still something special about it. We have grown, became more mature (I think), and have more and more experience about the struggles in life.

So being able to just let go for a few moments and being completely alone with him is probably the best thing to keep myself sane (even if he drives me a little bit crazy with the love I hold for him).

But a lot has changed recently.

It all started when rumors spread, that Zeus' lightning bolt had been stolen by Poseidon's son. And then the most supportive, bravest, sassy kid in the world showed up here. Percy Jackson. Ever since I met him, even though it's not his fault, there's been war going on. The gods are angry, the monster attacks became worse and again, rumors about the oldest, most powerful titan Kronos reached the camp.

It scared and frightened many people, including me. That's why we've been training harder and stay awake, even when the stars are shining, so that we can prepare for any catastrophe. To be able to fight.

My mother is the goddess Demeter, my father a simple man. I adore them both, even though my mother isn't one of my closest contacts. But I never really held that against her, because at least she decided to acknowledge me as her daughter. After all, it's a privilege that not everyone gets. My siblings and friends at camp are important to me, but the world is changing and so is everything around it.

The only stability I have left is my boyfriend Luke.

If I had to rely on one person in the whole world (and by that I also mean the underworld), it would be him.

He's been my best friend since I arrived at this camp. We've been together through ups and downs, I know every side of him and he knows everything about me too. Many of the people here are like blank pages to me, but not him. He is like my favorite book, that lays open to me and allows me to read each letter individually. Just as I know every of his dreams, every secret, every truth and every lie. He is my protector, my hero in every dark night and every bright day. Without him, I don't even know who I am. He is a part of me and my heart wouldn't be whole without him.

I watched him grow up. From the small, thin boy whose eyes hid so much pain and sadness to the strong, soulful leader he is today.

His beauty cannot be influenced by anything, he is like my very own sun, without him I could not survive.

I wouldn't want it any other way though.

Now, I'm hiding behind a tree with my back pressed against the bark and I am able to hear the cracking and swinging of the branches.

I smile so wide, that my cheeks start to hurt, when I hear his voice calling. My heart is beating in my throat, but it's not just the adrenaline of not getting caught. It's because of my love for him, which is so strong that sometimes I'm afraid of it. But only in the moments when I realize that nothing, but him is my biggest flaw. I think I would do anything for him.

Then I concentrate again and listen to the sounds around me. But his voice has fallen silent and I don't hear his footsteps anymore.

My eyebrows furrow, confused I try to look around the tree and search for an orange t-shirt. Likely together with his slim body, biceps, beautiful face and wonderful personality.

But when I want to withdraw again, it's already too late. A branch breaks behind me and before I can move I'm pushed against the tree from behind.

I immediately feel his body against mine, hear the laughter in his voice and listen to his strained breathing. His hands wrap around my body and turn me towards him, so that we are now face to face.

He's taller than me and as I look up, I feel the familiar fluttering feeling in my chest. I am so in love with him.

He grins triumphantly at me and I lean against the tree, smiling kindly.

"Found you, princess." The light reflects in his brown eyes and some of his curls are laying wildly on his head. He looks like an angel.

"I made it easy for you." My voice teases him and when he leans in so close to me, that our lips almost touch, I forget how to think properly. A habit I can't change. He's just so captivating.

"Yeah? You think I wouldn't have found you otherwise? Funny. I remember that in the last few years, I always was the winner of our little game." His lips brush mine, I want nothing more than to kiss him. But he knows that, which is why he slowly pulls back, when I start to lean forward.

When I want to complain, he puts his hand around my waist and pulls me into his chest. My knees almost give out, I feel so intoxicated by his presence.

"I-I wanted you to find me." My voice whispers quietly.

His eyebrows rise in mock surprise.

"Then I guess, I can claim my prize without feeling bad." In the next second, his lips are on mine and I'm unable to do anything, other than kissing him back. I wrap my arms around his neck and enjoy the warmth that radiates from him. He sets my heart on fire.

While pushing me against the tree, I've completely forgotten about, he lets his hands wrap possessively around my waist. Digging his nails into my hips, to keep me grounded. Otherwise, I would probably get lost in those sensations.

Luke kisses in a way, like it's the last time he'll have the chance. (As if I would ever want to keep him from doing that).

He's passionate, my body feels like it's on fire and the heat inside me feels so good, that I want more. I can never get enough of him and he knows it. He grins against my lips, but he doesn't break the kiss. I think he secretely loves knowing how much he can mess with me, with just a few kisses.

My hands find his hair and pull him closer to me, our chests touch and his breathing mingles with mine.

It is wonderful and so precious, I would refuse any gift from the gods just to be close to him.

When he pulls away from me, our bodies are still close. My eyes open and look dreamily into his, our gazes reflect a familiarity and love that is like nothing I have ever experienced.

He smiles at me, pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and leans himself against me. His fingers stroke the exposed skin of my pulled-up shirt.

"I've missed you." If my heart hasn't melted before, it has now. I give him a kiss on the cheek and hug him, we stand in our embrace for a moment. Enjoying each other's closeness, the calm feeling until the next chaotic situation happens.

"Now we are together again. Only that matters." It's quiet around us and when I close my eyes for the second time, I hear his fast heartbeat. I have to supress a smile.

The wind is the only thing I hear until his voice breaks the silence.

"Something will happen soon. Something big." The peaceful atmosphere is threatened by his words and when I look at his face again, I see his worried eyes.

I sigh, but then nod to agree with him. "I thought about that too, it feels different. Like something is coming our way, that we can't control."

His fingers stroke my cheek and for a moment, his face holds an expression, that I can't understand. It resembles regret.

But before I can ask him about it, he smiles tenderly at me again.

"Nothing will separate us. The world is just a game. It's a matter of time and making the right moves." That is his motto. But I'm not always convinced of this. Even though I trust him to do the right thing.

"I'm just worried we'll get seperated, you know? Evil can be sneaky and traitors always exist. You never know who you can trust." Something I said must have really bothered him, because he looks like I just stabbed him.

This time I ask him about it.

"What's on your mind? You can tell me. Two people who worry about something are better, than one who is alone with it." I take his hand and stroke his skin, it feels cold even though we have summer.

"Nothing, just- I don't want to lose you. I couldn't be here without you. I need you. I mean...I-I love you. You know that I would do anything to keep us together, right?"

His words surprise me. I know he loves me. I can sense that, everyone probably does. But he has never worn his heart on his sleeve and the three magical words only come out of his mouth on special occasions. The fact that he's telling me now surprises me.

"Of course. I trust you. We will survive together, I know that. Are you worried because of the rumors about the Titan King?" This topic is always very critical and he usually doesn't like to talk about it, but this time I decide to address it directly.

"He will come. I just want you to be safe, when it happens." He sounds so confident it gives me goosebumps.

"Perhaps. His followers will definitely try. But love is stronger than anything else. Especially our love. We will get through it." He doesn't look convinced, so I turn his face towards mine and kiss him.

My voice sounds soft, when I speak again.

"Luke, I love you. I could never leave you. Not even the King of the Underworld will be able to keep us apart. I promised to be by your side in every moment of our lives. You are my soul and without it I am damned."

This seems to reassure him, but I feel like he's not telling me something of great importance. But I don't want to push him, I know he will tell me when the time comes.

He always does.

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

As the day comes to an end, I say goodnight to my siblings and report for my night watch duty. The situation has been a lot more worse the recent weeks. Kronos exists, my worst fear was confirmed. And he is building an army, that is so strong that it will be difficult to fight against it. But what I'm really worried about are the rumors about our people, who have also joined his cause.

Nobody knows who, the spies have been hiding ever since. I've never felt like I was paying more attention to my words than I am now. The only person I don't have to hold back to is Luke.

But even with him I notice the effects of the bad news. The circles under his eyes are darker than ever and his nerves are so frayed, that every little thing makes him want to explode. His temper is hanging by a thread, that is increasingly threatening to break. And I'm trying everything to prevent this.

No matter if I try it by making him laugh (which has become difficult), massaging his tense shoulders, trying to kiss him to the point of forgetfulness (usually it's the other way around) or when he takes out his frustration by burying himself deep inside me. With every thrust of his hips, I feel him relax, his hand so tight around my body as if I would run away, if he didn't hold me close enough.

He's changing and I'm trying my best to maintain his good sides. That he doesn't completely lose himself in his responsibilities and the pressure, that he has, because he is a member of the camp council.

Besides, I can't complain, when he fucks me until I can't breathe aynmore and I block out everything around me. When he comes, he whispers the sweetest things in my ear. Even if sometimes they sound so protective, that I could almost come from his voice alone.

When he whispers to me how good I am for him or how much he loves being able to have such a power over me like that - maybe it should scare me, but I trust him like no one else.

My mind concentrated his best for my shift, but when I finally go to bed after quiet some time, my eyes quickly close.

Looking back, I wish I had never let myself sleep that night.

Because, when I close my eyes I see waves. Hear the seagulls screaming in the sky, the fish swimming in the water and the distant cries of strangers.

It's all unusual and the bright light would blind me, if I didn't avert my gaze. And as soon as I do it, I see a ship. It's huge, rust shimmers in the sunrays, the anchor shows that it's been in the same place for a while now.

I feel something pulling me towards it, pushing and burning in my chest, leaving me with a tremor that I can feel, even in my deep sleep.

As I flit through the window like a ghost, I feel paralyzed. My blood freezes, I want to disappear immediately and in my mind I scream at myself to wake up.

But it's no use, whatever is here, someone decided that I have to see it. Only then, my wish will be fulfilled and I can wake up. So, I hide in a corner, there are scratched picture frames above me and broken glass is scattered on the floor. The monsters that loudly crush the glass ahead of me seem unstoppable.

I tremble as I look at at least seven dracaenae, several shaggy hellhounds and set my eyes on gigantes, that take up almost the entire room.

But that is nothing compared to the terror, that grips me when I see my classmates. My friends. People I trusted, who I fought alongside, for who I cared about. People I would have sacrificed myself for. They all betrayed me. And I feel close to tears. When I want to turn away, I hear a voice that almost brings me to my knees.

It's Luke.

My faithful and caring protector, my heroic love. Someone, to which I had dedicated everything. He was my life, with every single breath I took. The motivation behind my every action. The reason I wanted to survive in this cruel world. He was everything I had and everything I will ever have and in that moment it was abruptly taken from me.

I didn't have the strength to concentrate, it was as if every fiber of my body was on fire, triggered by the torment of my suffering heart. Seeing him like that, in black armor, Kronos' silver mark glittering around his neck, instead of his colorful necklace. A stoic, hostile expression on his face, his hands gripping his sword, it all hurt too much to watch.

And as I sank to the floor and covered my eyes with my hands, I was still forced to listen. I couldn't understand why he was saying such things.

"With every day he becomes stronger, with every participation in our army, we become stronger. Everything is planned, the camp is weak. Just like all of its residents. The surprise is on our side, because we will show no mercy. We will kill anyone, who does not confess to us. Do you hear me? No hostages will be taken. Only Hades population will be expanded."

The screams around me are so loud, so angry and horrific that I feel tears running down my cheeks.

I don't want to see any of that. The person infront of me is not my Luke.

A kind of fog creeps around me and I feel cold, it seems too late to forget it now. When I notice the golden coffin and Lukes hunched posture, the scar on the side of his face, I realize he is praying to him.

To the fall of Olympus. Kronos.

I want to cry, to scream, to be angry - but I just feel like every part of my heart is breaking and will never be whole again. Luke will never again be the one to heal it.

My consciousness leaves the ship until I finally wake up, but I can't move at first. I feel lost, my muscles are stiff and after a few seconds I notice that I'm shaking. But it's not because I'm cold, the summer air is wafting in the air.

Such dreams are rare, but are like the own scary predictions of the future.

And then it comes all back so me, the memories, that have just turned my whole life upside down. Traitor. The word appears in my mind, I feel like I almost can't breathe. And then there is a finger on my cheek, gently stroking the skin and my chest immediately becomes warm.

I know this gesture.

When I open my eyes, I see his loving eyes and the smile that covers his mouth makes my heart clench in sorrow.

It was just a nightmare. Luke would never betray me.

But the whispers in my head say otherwise.

As we continue to look at each other in silent, I notice his furrowed eyebrows.

"What's wrong, my love? Did you have a nightmare? You look scared. Don't be afraid, I'm here. I will always protect you." His voice is so calm, so usual loving and it makes the butterflies in my stomach fly around like crazy.

He is so beautiful.

As he briefly turns his head to tighten the blanket around me, I see his side profile and the scar. Reminders of my dream crash onto me like a lightning strike from Zeus himself.

I sat up abruptly. Luke is a servant of our enemy. How could I ignore that? I feel like I'm almost starting to hyperventilate. The thought, this nightmare, Luke's appearance, this evil feeling - it makes me sick. And I'm suddenly so afraid, more than I have ever been in my life. But I can't tell if it's the fact that I just found out he joined Cronos' army or that he broke my heart doing so.

I see him tense, my panic seems to be affecting him too.

My thoughts are so confusing, I don't know what to do, I have to tell someone. I have to-

His hands find their way to my cheeks, cupping them gently to direct his gaze towards himself. I would have preferred not to look at him, but I have no choice. His eyes search mine.

Then, as if the weight of Atlas punishment was put on his shoulders, he lowers them. His lips tremble slightly and his eyes look at me, as if I am the most valuable thing in the world and he is about to lose it.

"You know it." He doesn't have to say what he means by that. We both know.

I want to break away from him, but he won't let me. He's always been much stronger.

But everything still feels so different, light surrounds us and I can't really feel my body.

"Listen to me, please. I can explain it. Please-" The world goes silent, before he can finish his sentence.

It is too much.

I stifle a scream. I want to jump out of bed, but his hands hold me close. I only manage to fall to the ground, breathing heavily, but his arms are much stronger and I'm still weakened by my dream. He trys to hold me in a position, so that his back hugs me. His hands grab mine and one of them covers my mouth to silence me, when I want to scream for help.

With any other person, I would have known what to do. With anyone but him, I could have defended myself without any problems. But it wasn't just anyone and what he had done to me, the betrayal he had committed, was nothing I could handle.

I tried to wriggle out of his grip, to kick him, but the more I cried and the more hysterical I became, the easier it was for him to have control over me.

And for the first time, it scared me.

"Please calm down, I have to explain it to you- you have to know, that I never wanted to deceive you, please-" I notice how his voice is failing and he has to pull himself together, to not to lose his composure.

When I shake his hand away and want to yell again, he grabs my neck with such a warning force, that no sound escapes me.

I tremble in his hold. Tears stream down my cheeks and I literally feel my heart breaking.

Then he starts whispering in my ear and his grip feels like a tragic prison.

"Nobody can know. I never wanted you to find out. Not until I convinced you, that it is the right thing to join him. Because he will win, sweetheart. I want us to win by his side." His voice sounds so confident and at the same time, as if he was a completely different person.

Tears continue running down my face and he slightly let's go of me, so he can comfort me.

"If you would just listen to me, you will understand my actions. Please, just listen to me-" but the world blurs infront of my eyes and I am only able to whisper three words, before darkness surrounds me.

"You betrayed me."

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

When I wake up, my head hurts so much, that it takes me several minutes to open my eyes. When I finally do it, I almost have a heart attack.

I recognize the similarity of this room from my dream. When I stand up, I run to the round window and look out, being only able to see the blue sea. Feeling empty and alone.

When I want to step out the door, I expect it to be locked. But instead the handle turns and I step out of the room. I'm so surprised about that, that I'm acting without thinking twice.

As I walk around the next corner, the deck creaks and I see an ugly creature in front of me, that makes every instinct to escape kick in.

I run in the other direction, but every turn makes me more desperate and, without any consideration, I run into the hall, I was so afraid of.

It is filled with all kinds of ciders, and I also see the figures of my classmates, wounded and unhappy.

It's all so overwhelming, that I dont even see him standing on the podium, in the first place.

But as the monsters try to grab me, his voice echoes through the room with an affable authority.

"Nobody touches her. You hear me? Nobody. She is under my protection." I almost freeze into a stature, as he comes towards me and I have no way of avoiding him. No weapon is within my reach, his eyes notice my growing panic.

"Everyone leaves the room. Now." Nobody discusses it, even if some roll their eyes or quietly protest. His authority is unquestioned, it sends a cold shiver down my spine.

When the last doors slam shut, we stand a few meters opposite each other.

"The doors are guarded." It's the first thing he says.

When he tries to approach me, I lose my nerves and run to the corner with the broken glass, that I saw in my dream. I take them in my hands.

I see his eyes widen and he stops in his tracks.

"You- you want to fight me?" He actually sounds surprised and sad. Like I was the one who betrayed him and not the other way around.

"Don't come any closer. I may not have been able to do anything last time, but if you take one step closer then-" I don't know what to say. In no scenario did I ever think, I would have to threaten him.

But despite my warning, he comes towards me with his hands raised, the panic within me so palpable, that I can feel every muscle in my body.

I dodge, when he is only a few meters in front of me. Right into the next corner. As far away from him as possible.

"Princess, you can't keep me away forever. I've always loved that about you. You need me as much as you need to breathe."

It's supposed to sound sweet, but his words make me feel sick

"I'd rather suffocate." He didn't expect that. My words hit him so unexpectedly that he is almost speechless. Almost.

"I won't hurt you. You just have to let me get to you and I'll show you everything. You will understand, believe me." He really thinks, I'll just stay by his side and let him explain.

"Are you crazy? You're a traitor, Luke. You- you betrayed everyone. You betrayed me. How could you do this?" I suppress my tears, because that's exactly what he's waiting for. That my defense becomes weaker. I can't allow this.

"You dont understand. I always told you I would protect you. And I can only do that, if I'm on the winning side. And I am now. We are." His eyes flash with a craziness that makes me tremble. I don't recognize him.

"Why are you acting this way? You are doing the wrong thing - you give up everything. You're giving up on us." Tears leave my eyes and I see him take a few steps in my direction.

"I'm doing the right thing for us. You'll see. You just have to trust me, please. You know I always win. With the power he gives me, I will be invincible. You don't have to worry about one of us dying in this war anymore." I can't move, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have a way out now. He's too close.

"You are wrong. I would rather die in this war than join this monster and his deceitful army." The shards in my hand hurt, but I don't let them go. They're the only thing I can use to defend myself.

"You would leave me?" His eyes are staring into my soul.

"Would you fight me?" Every word is more intimidating.

"Would you stop loving me?" His words are like his own shards, leaving deep wounds in my heart.

He's standing right in front of me now, looking at me like I'm fragile.

Then he whispers "Would you kill me?"

In the next second, he suddenly has my hands in his, making me drop the glass. Be is only a few centimeters away from me now, his eyes are looking into my own.

"Would you, princess? Then show me." Suddenly he does something, I would have never expected. He takes out his sword and puts it in my hands.

His own hands go behind his back, his eyes tempting me. I feel all the blood in my body drain.

"Do it. I can't live in a world, where you don't love me anymore. In which you are no longer by my side. I am yours. That will never change, just like my love for you."

I can barely hold the sword, it's so wobbly in my hands. He stands in front of me and gives me every chance to defeat him. But I can't move.

It's quiet for a moment, then I see new hope in his eyes and when he speaks again, the tone of his voice melts my heart.

"What did you say a few months ago, you would always let me win? Let's win together this time. Please, just listen to me." His hand strokes my cheek. Wipes away the tears.

Then he drops his hand and grasps his sword, letting it fall to the ground.

He takes my hand instead.

"Follow me." He pulls me behind him, closer and closer to the golden coffin, it's like I'm in a trance, but when I finally feel the cold aura of something cruel, I'm able to think clearly again.

"No-" I don't want to be one step closer to this thing.

He turns around so quickly, that I can only slap his cheek, before he grabs me again.

"That was for kidnapping me. Let me go now!" I want to avoid his grasp. But again he does something I don't expect.

He holds me still, catches my gaze and then, kisses me so gently that the feeling alone makes me almost completely defenseless. His hands cup my cheeks, grip my hair, hold my body.

This is probably his worst trick. I've never been able to resist one of his kisses. And he knows that. He uses it against me.

Then he murmurs words against my lips, that barely reach my ears.

My heart is pounding in my throat.

"You feel this? We belong together. It is not written anywhere on which side we need to be. As long as we are together." His fingers stroke my lower lip, his figure towers over me and for a moment my surroundings fade. It's almost like always.

But he's not wearing his orange t-shirt, his expression isn't relaxed, and I don't hear any insults from the camp members in the distance.

"You're manipulating me." I am powerless against him. I thought we were on the same team, that no one had more power over the other one. But I was so wrong.

His eyebrows furrow again, and when his hands try to pull me against him, I hit his chest, without thinking, with the only piece of glass I hid in my pocket. But unlike I expected, nothing happens. The shard bounces off his skin and falls loudly to the ground. I can only stare at him in disbelief.

"How-" He just looks at me worried, no anger is visible in his eyes.

"You can't hurt me. I have the curse of Achilles upon me." I suddenly become aware of the effect the lake Styx in the underworld hast and I almost fall to the ground at the realization, my knees weaken.

"That was a test earlier. You wanted to see if I would kill you-" my voice fails.

He just looks at me sadly and smiles in regret. My heart becomes heavy.

"And I knew you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You would never hurt someone you love. Not if you'd kill me in the process." What can I do? He knows me better than anyone, he can see right through my every thought.

"I can't do this, Luke. I-I can't be together with you, if you are like this." I'm serious, but he doesn't believe me.

"That's what you think, but it's a lie. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the more pain you avoid. Our souls are linked together, without me you are not able to live. I know, that you will continue to love me, no matter what I decide to do. That's how much you love me. You would rather die than not loving me."

I can't listen to him. I can't.

But his eyes are like all the promises in the world. He is my world. How could I ever forget that?

"Please come back with me, Luke. I-I won't tell anyone, but please. Let's go, let's forget everything, please-" I cant deal with this anymore. It's like he's draining all the energy out of me. More with every word, that leaves his lips.

"I can not do that. It will stay the way it is now. Don't fight against me, fight with me. You are so smart and loyal, you will be convinced. He will show you." His eyes now flash with something that frightens me. I see his hunger for power, something that has always been dormant within him.

"Luke, the only thing I ever really wanted was you. No power, no war, no prosperity. Only you. But I'm about to lose you. Don´t do this to me, I beg you." My hands find his face, stroke the skin and I look into his eyes. But they are no longer the same ones I fell in love with.

I never thought he would love having power more than he loves me. It breaks my heart.

"I have decided. Nothing will change about that. Not even your pleadings. I'm sorry." His eyes reflect my desperation.

"What's holding you back? All you need is me." He says it so confident, that I almost wonder, why I don´t agree with him.

But my conscience has always been my greatest strength.

"I won't betray them. I couldn't live with myself, if I did." He takes a step back.

"But you could live without me? You would rather be by Jackson's side than mine?" His words hurt me. But he speaks the truth.

"I love you Luke, more than I ever thought was possible. But just as you put power before me, I put loyalty first. And I'm not sorry about that."

Frustration finally seeps through his perfect facade. I wonder how long he's been playing with me. The thought of it makes everything inside me tighten.

"I am not letting you go. Our fate is set. You will recognize it too and when that happens, you will be on my side."

His conviction frightens me, but this time it doesn't freeze me into a statue. Now, I'm running away.

And luckely, he didn't expect that.

For a few minutes now I've noticed one of the windows, that doesn't look very stable. I just have to jump against it to open it.

"NO!" Luke's voice echoes across the room, loud and warning, but it doesn't stop me. Before he can catch up with me, I jump towards the window, my shoulder hurts, but I was right, it breaks.

But I didn't think about the height difference and I realize it might be too late to do something about it now.

As I try to hold on to the wall outside, two thoughts repeat in my mind.

Either I die or I'm trapped.

Then I hear Luke's voice. He sounds desperate and at the same time angry, like I have never heard him before.

The wall is slippery and it takes every bit of strength in me not to fall, I know it would be my death. I hold on to the broken wall.

"She is outside. Get her back, NOW!" My muscles hurt and I don't know what to do. Then I hear the loud beating of wings. Before I can see who it is, I hear Percy's quiet voice. I feel like crying.

"Drop down, I've got you." I have to trust him. So, I let myself fall without thinking.

Then I feel myself landing on something soft, I hold on to it and my knuckles turn white.

The screams and shouts of the monsters make me tremble, I just want to get out of here. Even if it means, that I perhaps will never see Luke again.

"Come on, now. They'll be here soon." As the wings of the Pegasus move towards the sky, towards freedom, I let the tears fall. The wind is beating around my ears and I can only see in the corner of my eyes that we are getting closer to the clouds.

"I'll find you!"

Luke's threatening voice is the last thing I remember as I close my eyes from the grief of leaving him.

[xxmia0wm4yh3mxx]

ENOCK

(Pomni X Caine Fic)

____________________________________

(Caine and Pomni have been together for a while now, even though Pomni is happy with him, She still suffers from Panic attacks that keeps her from living her best life and constantly on the brink of abstracting, Which Caine simply cannot let slide! So He gives Her a very speical Present)

( This is my first Ship fic, sorry if its corny/cringe )

"POMNI MY DARLING!"

He Teleported through the halls frantically Looking for Pomni who he heard was Having another stress attack, It seems no matter How hard He tries to keep her Happy, the looming threat of anxiety and Being Trapped in a fake world was always to much for her.

Caine Could never Understand, Pomni Always Said She was happy with him, He made her laugh and Smile, He worked so hard to learn to empathize and to have Emotions So she could Be As happy as Possible.

'Was it his Fault? He was Made to Make People Happy, And absolutely needs pomni to be happy, Was he not doing it right? He learned so much about humans, but their still so complicated and impossible understand'

"POMNI?"

Caine found Pomni curled up in a little ball in a corner in one of the rooms, She was hyperventilating and glitching again

'UH OH'

"POMNI! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"

He Manifests a warm blanket and Wraps it around her to comfort her, He also hads Her a cat Plushie and some water, Her breathing slows down a bit

"Thank you Caine"

She wasn't Glitching anymore, but she still looked sad

"DO YOU NEED ANYING ELSE?"

"FRESH DIGITAL AIR? A ROOM FILLED WITH FRIENDLY CATS? SAY THE WORD AND ITS YOURS MY DEAR!"

Pomni was always so endeared by him, Always trying so hard to make everyone happy even if it dosent always work, its the thought that makes him so sweet

"I'm Fine..."

"...MY DEAR, IM HAVING TROULE BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE 'FINE'."

he floating down to her level

"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG? I CAN'T LET YOU ABSTRACT, I NEED YOU!"

"....Ive just been feeling so... Stressed lately and I dont know why, I-I don't think I have any reason To be, But I just Am and I-I C-cant help it and... im sorry that y-you can't help.."

Her eyes started tearing up a little

He just put his Hand on her shoulder, He was starting to feel a little depressed himself

"POMNI I'M SO SORRY! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO KEEP YOU SANE I PROMISE! JUST... TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!"

"I-I don't know what you can do"

She cuddled into him resting Her head on his chest, Caine Gave her a little Head pat in response, he was starting to feel alittle Hopeless now, But then a little light bulb popped over his head as He got a Idea.

"EUREKA! IVE GOT IT!"

"Got What?"

Caine thought for a moment on How to Explain his Plan to her, It was a long shot but still, Everything for her or nothing at all

"POMNI, I ADORE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"

He sounded Weirdly more Serious than Usual, which was kinda off putting and confuseing, but she Was Listening

"Yes? I Love you to Caine, Where are you Going with this?"

"WELL... I HAVE BEEN LEARNING MORE ABOUT HUMANS AND HOW THEY WORK, AND WHAT MAKES THEM FELL JOY... SO HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY OF OUR OWN?"

Pomni Was a Little Confused and Startled by this, He couldn't possibly be saying what she thinks hes saying

"W-What do you mean?

"IM TALKING ABOUT YA-KNOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ANKLE-BITERS! YOUNG-UNS! IM TALKING ABOUT CHILDERN MY DEAR! DOSENT THAT SOUND MAGNIFICENT!"

Pomni Just stared off into space processing What Caine Just proposed to her

'Was he Crazy?! Okay Absolutely, Yes But Still- Is he Crazy!?'

"Caine, I can Barley Take care of Myself, How can I take care of a Child?!"

"IT WOULDN'T BE LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, IT WOULD BE AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! AND WE AI'S ARE KNOWN FOR OUR LOW MANTIENCE! BESIDES, THEIR IS NOTHING MORE FULFILING LIKE THE WONDERS OF PARENTHOOD! SOMETHING TO REPLACE ALL THE ICKY DEPRESSION WITH LOVE AND JOY!"

Pomni was feeling a bit more enticed by the idea, What Else is there to do here expect the Adventures Caine sets out for them? Maybe a Child Could give at least the Illusion of normalcy, And Caine being there with her to help her.only made her feel more convinced

"Well... maybe... But how? I mean Like... How would that Even work..? I mean Can you even Do THAT in Digital realm??"

"WELL OF COURSE WE CAN HAVE CHILDREN MY DEAR!"

Pomni's Face starting turning bright red, Caine Quickly Noticed and became flustered himself

"N-NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT I COULD CREATE A LEARNING AI FOR US TO RAISE TOGETHER-"

pomni started Giggling a little at Caine being flustered, Caine Always loved that Adorable Face she Made when she was happy, That little giggle, and how shy and sweet she was when she was flustered, its what made him learn to Love and experience things which he couldn't Even Imagine before

"i would find a way to bypass the filter for you"

"What was that Caine?"

"NOTHING-"

"SO MY DEAR, WILL YOU ACCEPT?"

She Thought about it for a while, maybe like Five minutes, Before she Started tearing up in anticipation

"OH GOODNESS MY DEAR! ARE YOU ALR-"

"A-ABSOLUTELY YES!"

She rammed into him, Embraceing him in tight hug

"I wanna have a Child!"

She was still sniffling a bit, Caine Was Just staring into Space for A bit, bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of Pomni being Happy, but also Having his own progeny to raise

"WELL THEN MY DEAR! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"

Caine left pomni's embrace and back up in the air a bit, He felt across his Teeth and grabbed one of his Molars, and Yanked it out in a Cartoony Fashion.

"THIS WILL DO WONDERFULLY!"

"NOW MY DEAR, I JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM YOU"

He Grabbed Her Eye and Pulled it out like a Berry in a bush, being as gentle as he can with it, Pomni was already pretty used to Caine's antics at this point so it didn't bother her that much, He Grabbed one of her hats Tassles and Yanked on it, And a new eye roll into place for her

"KNOW LETS SEE!"

He manifested a Little Gift Box and Dropped The pieces into It, and Shook it vigorously for about two minutes, Pomni watching with Excitement and smiling the whole time

"NOW, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU READY MY DEAR!"

Pomni just vigorously nodded her head not being able to keep calm

"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!"

Caine Put the Box into Pomni's hands, Trembling alittle, Pomni slowly opened the box.

She saw a Little Tooth-Like Creature with Big wet Colorful Pinwheel Eyes, The Little Tooth Just Stared at Her with Its Wet Eyes as it Draw back into the Box

Pomni lowerd her Hand to give it a little Stroke, It Snuggled up Against her Hand, purring while doing so

Pomnis looked at it with instant love for the little Creature, picking it up And Holding it Close to her, it cuddling her arm with its Roots as arms, She felt all her Stress, dread, anxiety and sadness fade away, Pomni had tears in her eyes at this point

"....Its Beautiful Caine, I love him"

"TERRIFIC! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!"

Caine floated down to see his new child, His pupils Immediately Went big as he Gazed upon The little Tooth, It looked at its Father with Large Eyes and extending its root-legs to be held by him, He picked him up and Looked him in the eyes

"....WELL HELLO THERE SPORT! AND WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL CIRCUS! IM YOUR CREATOR AND FATHER CAINE, AND THIS IS YOUR MOTHER POMNI!"

The little baby Tooth just Stared him, and Cuddled into him like a Kitten, and Caines eyes went big

Pomni Went up to Him and Gave Caine a hug

".....Hes perfect"

________________________________

Thanks for reading!!!

Here Enock Himself if your wondering

[frevandrest]

more on jamgate?

i read charlotte’s memoirs years ago but i dont remember the details

Sorry for my late reply! I love to call it "The Great Jamgate of 1793", but in truth I am unsure when it happened. Does anyone know when Charlotte persuaded Robespierre to come live with her, but then he got sick and Mme Duplay brought him back to Duplays? The jamgate happens after that. (So it could be the Great Jamgate of 1791 or 1792, lol).

Charlotte tells us how she loved making jams for her brother, who had a taste for sweets and fruits. She would send her maid to Duplays to deliver jams, and, according to Charlotte, Mme Duplay always had a snarky comment on that.

The worst happend one time when Mme Duplay sent the maid back, refusing to accept jams, saying something along the lines of "Bring that back, I don't want her to poison Robespierre".

Naturally and understandably, Charlotte was shocked and hurt. It was inded a shitty thing to say, even as a "joke". In line with the narrative Charlotte built about herself in the memoirs, she claims that she "swallowed her sadness" and said nothing to Mme Duplay or Maximilien (as to not cause him pain).

Of course, we have to remember that this is Charlotte's version of the story (we don't have one from Duplays), and Charlotte is not always the most reliable of the narrators. Still, the anecdote seems too specific to just be made up, so I am willing to believe that there was indeed a Great Jamgate of some sorts. We do know that Mme Duplay didn't like Charlotte much, and it's possible that she ridiculed her cooking skills. (Those two women seemed to fight over who would pamper Maximilien). Mme Duplay obviously saw herself as superior, and tbh, she probably was, but I doubt that she really thought that Charlotte wanted to bring harm to her brother (?)

Still, I can see Mme Duplay saying something snarky about Charlotte's cooking. But I can't guess anything more than that.

The way Charlotte described the Jemgate, it has all the typical story points of her narrative: there is always a harpy woman who hates her and tries to take her away from her brothers. The harpy is horrible, but she (Charlotte) never says anything because she is good and non-confrontational, and she doesn't want to hurt her brothers or cause any problems.

Needless to say, this goes against everything that we know of her character from other sources. Charlotte comes off as too outspoken and stubborn for this meek and obedient image she paints of herself, not to mention that she did get into fights with her brothers.

So it's difficult for me to trust her version of the Jamgate, even though I do believe that there was a Jamgate in some form. In my opinion, it reflected the two women's fight over pampering Robespierre - a fight he seemed to ignore (probably as a woman's thing, as if it wasn't happening because of him). As a sister to an unmarried man, Charlotte absolutely had all the rights to be the one to care for Robespierre and his household - it was an important duty that an unmarried sister would do for her brother. In that sense, Duplays overstepped the social boundaries, even if Charlotte was indeed bad at household duties (my theory is that she was too busy with the revolution but I don't have a concrete proof, except my wishful thinking).

Still, it was Robespierre's fault for not saying anything, and for not recognizing the social mistake of the situation. I believe he really felt pampered and cared for at Duplays in a way Charlotte could not provide (if anything, she was one person and Duplays had 4 women ready to pamper him). A different sister might not have cared, but Charlotte was obviously feeling rejected. Couple this with the Northerner vs Paris anymosity and you have a recipe for disaster. Robespierre not solving the situation is not surprising, given his character (I wonder if he noticed anything/knew/understood what's going on), but it's not an excuse, because it was on him to mediate between Charlotte and Mme Duplay, since the whole mess was about him.

[tubbytarchia]

Jimmy X Life thoughts

This is long (ft. fWhip and Scott and Joel)

TLDR: its all kinda cute but then devolves into Jimmy misery anyway even though he has done nothing

Jimmy's really cute builds??? to lure you in

Obligatory: I only talk about characters

X Life is a goddamn fever dream lol, following are some jumbled thoughts that I've divided into "Jimmy", ""fWhip and Joel", "Jeremyism" and "Scott" thoughts (all in relation to Jimmy). Shoutout to my friend for liveblogging and discussing together with me and pointing out some stuff I missed or better than I could

-- Jimmy thoughts

Jimmy's actually relatively happy within this series, at least at the beginning, and there is no significant "bullying Jimmy" kind of culture thing in place here, even though chronologically this series came after and partially ran at the same time as Legacy where it was very prevelant. They even hold a 100K milestone ceremony for him and it's very cute. Namely though fWhip and Joel treat him very nicely, he even has many really cute interactions with Scott!! I'm not gonna talk about shipping past this one statement but as someone who hasn't liked fWhimmy till now and finds Flower Husbands really interesting but not always healthy, it was... Really relieving to see both of those duos be really cute for me personally. But in spite of this there's still, sigh, a lot of Jimmisery...

Pretty early on, he decides on this thing "Whoever is nice to me gets a stack of diamonds" like, my sweet cheese.... You don't need to give people so much just for being nice to you.... your bank account is in constant ruin!! Lizzie also mods in coffee stuff specifically for him and Jimmy proclaims that any profits he makes from his coffee shops he will split with Lizzie as a thanks... he's so sweet stop it

Near the beginning he's way more assertive than I've grown used to. There's a point where Scott is waiting for him and he can SEE Scott in the distance but then just strolls the shopping district while Scott tells him to hurry up only for Jimmy to mostly ignore him. Another exchange between them goes S: "did I say you could use my villager?" and Jimmy replying "Did I say you could bring me a crab that'd then kill me? Didn't THINK SOOOO!!!". There's so many moments like this and it's so... it's so awesome to see. What changed.... Why can't there be more of this...

But then at some point he starts being harsh towards himself? He starts to call himself an idiot and starts proclaiming "I hate myself" for the most understandable little mishaps and things like?? Son?? He figures out how to make his advertisement poster bigger like everyone else's is and then when he does quickly figure it out all on his own he goes "I hate myself, I really do" WHAT'S THAT FOR. WHAT'S THAT FOR JIMMY!!!! Another moment to point out, Lizzie doing a friendship test thing and she already has pictures of 3 contestants. She calls Jimmy over for him to try and qualify, and when he sees the pictures he says that those look like smart people and he doesn't think he'll make it...

This isn't exclusive to X Life but him building stuff and calling it lovely and being easily excited at discovering the most basic building tricks, but then as soon as someone else is in the picture he immediately starts downplaying himself and calling his building bad...

At some point there's a war that Jimmy really wants to avoid but he gets roped into it by Jack blowing up Peekay's house (totally obliterated that thing) and framing Jimmy for it. Later when there's a confrontation, both he and Peekay clearly know it was Jack, but they fault Jimmy anyway, saying he's escalating things when he's just like. Standing there. Jimmy even ends up asking "what can I do for you to forgive me, for something I didn't do" like no stand your ground man!! You didn't do anything!! Man.... In the end he ends up rebuilding stuff for Jack (why Jack??? I dont know) and when Jack is the first person out of the series, in his Will he stated something along the lines of "I want Jimmy executed because he did a bad job rebuilding my things". And then Jimmy gets set on fire as everyone watches him burn to death. He didn't do anything!!!!!

There's a therapy session after this in which, when Gem asks him to open up, all he says is "Yesterday I woke up and was taken advantage of, that is all"

I think it's Peekay (could be wrong) who also utterly doused Jimmy's house in water as a prank but it... was awful lol. Jimmy's house ended up with lots of holes but at least he was all "I was gonna rebuild anyway". That peeved me so much though... For comparision, Scott pulled a prank on Jimmy where he rebuilt one of his rooms upside down (so kind of moved his furniture to the ceiling) but that's high effort and funny and causes less damage so that's all fair in my books. Good prank. The water dousing was not

He and Scott had a brief prank exchange, but the ONLY thing I can think of where Jimmy was knowingly, unjustifiably in the wrong, was when he cheated on an auction by bidding on a painting after the auction had closed. And even that is such a small offense!! Genuinely all the misery he was caused was just him being caught in the crossfire of other people's shit and it's... ough I don't want to say "he has never done anything wrong" because he totally has but BARELY. Why is it always like this... Hardly ever does he do anything that warrants the things that happen to him

Jimmy's also pretty if not really nice to the mobs, vanilla and modded. In his and Scott's shelter business, he brought in a hostile mob twice with the justification "hostile mobs deserve a home too!!" </3 dawh. He'd make mobs nice enclosures... But then he fucking HATES chickens. He kills them like nothing. Proclaims "I'll enjoy every second of this". Goes "I'll kill only a few of you..." and then kills 10 of them. Violently and instantly kills one stray chicken that escaped his enclosure as Lizzie watches on in horror with the two pandas she just helped bring over. It's kind of insane?? Why.... You're a rancher at heart, what's with the chicken slaughter.... My friend pointed to him canonically being compared to a chicken once. Do with that what you will. Oh also when he came dead last in a race, his immediate reaction upon finishing was to brutally kill his horse?????????? Jimmy??????????????????????????

ALSO he's a good builder?? A lot of people have expressed that Jimmy's building skills have been getting better but I beg to differ, his builds in this series are all really charming and cute? They're not very detailed but they're simplistic and I love it, he obviously has an eye for pleasant looking builds and I'm so SO sad we don't see this too much anymore... There's also a cute moment where he builds a roof out of dirt, says he'll replace it later but apparently his commenters really liked it so he kept it... That's so Jimmy....

-- fWhip and Joel thoughts in relation to Jimmy

fWhip especially is almost (we'll get to that) undingly nice to Jimmy here, and I even felt bad for him in several instances related to Jimmy. Joel is more softspoken as he was in general 3 years ago, and was also almost (we'll get to that) totally nice to Jimmy. At some point they do a horse race and Jimmy comes in dead last but both he and fWhip cheer him on anyway. Joel says "well done Jimmy you nerd" but it's Joel so that counts as him being nice and awesome. It's also very cute that he was partially presenting Jimmy's 100K milestone ceremony, even if it was basically just him calling Jimmy a "wonderful creature" after, to quote my friend, almost vomiting on stage. But it's Joel so it counts

Joel also builds something for Jimmy at some point but whilst they're discussing what it should be like, they land on the word "broken" and Joel goes "broken, like you" and Jimmy replies "broken, like me" like????? Help me this was so early too. That came from NOWHERE. What????? Joel was nice otherwise though... except for one other moment

All three of them create a building business and do acknowledge and agree that Jimmy's not doing the hardest part (building) and doesn't get as much of the profit, seeing as he's just the receptionist. It's still a mostly happy businessship though. They get two bad reviews (from Scott and Peekay) because of Jimmy but all three of them in both instances ultimately agree that Jimmy wasn't at fault. Stuff like Joel taking down a bad review left on a sign saying "the customer isn't always right". Jimmy catches wind of a rumor at some point that he's being fired and when the awaited meeting happens, fWhip and Joel name him receptionist of the month instead, praising him for his hard work in advertising for the business and also making lots and lots of coffee (he's the only one who can even operate the coffee machine lmao. He's really proud of it too, it's very cute. He even keeps bringing it up in an effort for the other two to recognise his value before he gets the news he's anticipating). Jimmy even says "I'm glad that, yknow, you're seeing it. Cus sometimes. yknow. it's really hard for me to feel.. useful. like you guys are building spectacular things and I'm. I'm trying my best." he's genuinely so, so happy and sounds like he's on the brink of tears (claims to be as well)

BUT SIKE PLOT TWIST because I hate myself I went to skim Joel's POV too and he and fWhip actually spoke to one of the other members about Jimmy being a bad receptionist, all "it's Jimmy, you know...". fWhip enforces this and Joel even says "Not to pass blame onto Jimmy but it's all his fault" after which the firing rumor starts to spread. And as far as I could tell, it's forever left ambiguous if they were genuine to any degree when they named him receptionist of the month and this will now keep me up at night. Did they genuinely think Jimmy was at fault in spite of encouraging him that he wasn't? Did they do what they did just to make Jimmy happy even if they believed him to be at fault? Or were they talking shit that one time for no reason...

Joel makes this religion "Jeremyism" to spite Scott (for renaming a bunch of his pets) which Jimmy is the first person to join and is pretty much undyingly devoted to till the very end in spite of the fever dream that spirals from it by the end...

Ignoring that one incident of Joel and fWhip bad-mouthing Jimmy, fWhip was very nice to him, throughout Jimmy's POV at least. I'd like to especially draw attention to fWhip trusting Jimmy to show some other members how to build some houses, like, awgh,,, finally some Jimmy building ability recognition!!! Good for you fWhip!!! They almost exclusively talked in relation to businesses though and at some point made a deal with Jimmy to join Jeremyism if Jimmy would come and basically just hang out with him in the jungle or go on a little adventure. This never happened though

Joel ends up giving up his position as the Jeremyism leader "for content" (??) to anyone who can complete his death obstacle course. Jimmy does, though unfairly by accident (Joel said it was fine though), but finds at the very end of it that someone has already reached this point before him, and of course it was Scott... Scott turns Jeremyism into a proper cult by enforcing rigid rules, his leadership and word, stating that you have to die in order to leave the cult, and his right hand Lizzie demands diamonds as offerings (none of this was a thing before). None of the members seem to be fans, but Joel and Jimmy especially voice and show discomfort, though Jimmy still quickly offers up his diamonds. fWhip fucking burns himself right there thus leaving the cult (king shit) and when he comes to the window from the outside to wave at them, Jimmy is quick to call him a "traitor" and tries to block the view with blocks (this is where I feel for fWhip who has been nothing but nice to Jimmy from Jimmy's POV). Joel makes pathetic attempts at killing Scott with an anvil (fails) and then killing himself (fails)

Gem and Kath put on a therapy session at some point which Jack, fWhip and Jimmy attend. Jimmy states not to want to talk to fWhip (which again hurts) and fWhip makes a subtle jab at Jimmy for never spending time with him in his jungle like he'd promised (totally justified). Jack also hits Jimmy for being part of Jeremyism right at the start, but then when he's jokingly drowning, Jimmy saves him, and he goes "you saved me!! :D". At the end, Jimmy tries to shoot bubbles (not damaging but a nuisance) at fWhip from a distance, at which fWhip starts to run at him to try to lasso him (lassoing a player puts them in a glitchy noclip dimension which they need to relog to get out of). They run around for awhile, fWhip eventually succeeds, Jimmy relogs and then Jack fucking murders fWhip. And then says "I did it for you" to Jimmy. Which, ok. Fast progression, a little insane... fWhip comes back and claims to feel great though. Jimmy pretty much leaves and runs off at this point and unfortunately he and fWhip never make up or have another nice interaction before the finale (I'm quite sure)

Joel uhh Joel just kinda fucks off lol he doesn't even die (Jimmy fills in Joel's grave anyway though)

-- Jeremyism thoughts

Mentioned above how devoted Jimmy was to Joel's religion, and to me it really reads like him finding a home. Like, a genuine home, idk... He really did a lot for it, trying to recruit members and taking care of several Jeremy donkeys and making offerings (Joel also gifted him multiple times)

When Scott takes over, he's clearly very distraught. He tried hard to become the new leader of Jeremyism specifically to stop Scott from ruining it. And yet when Scott does, he can't help but stay, quickly labels fWhip a traitor, offers up his diamonds easily... Even as he's asking for Joel to get up there where Scott is standing, instead of Scott. Jeremyism is done for but Jimmy still holds onto an idea of it

And he does this by literally building a Jeremyism hideout secret from Scott and Lizzy, where he and the other remaining members can hang out. Like come on!! He just wants Jeremyism back... He himself states it's "all I have" and "the one real purpose I had on this server was Jeremyism. And now it's gone" (this is basically before he kills himself and ends his series)

-- Scott thoughts in relation to Jimmy

As I said, they had some really cute interactions. Scott actually treated him nicely and his teasing felt lighthearted enough to not be anything worse than that. They dress up all cute for Halloween, they shoot bubbles at each other, Scott teaches him how to ride a flying carpet, Jimmy's not afraid to be a little sassy back at him... He replaced 3 of Scott's pets as a prank because Scott had gotten him a crab that killed Jimmy at some point, and in retaliation Scott doused his house in crabs, but then they like, ate lunch together date style, it was all good and fun, mutual foolery...

And then this one episode, to quote my friend, someone pissed in Scott's cereal and he's suddenly very dismissive of Jimmy's building skills and contributions like I'd expect to see in Third Life???? They see this arguably amateurishly built hut and Scott turns to Jimmy all accusatory "did you build this??". They build an animal shelter together which is cute but then Scott dismisses Jimmy and says he did almost all of the work and proclaims that he should get almost all of the profits etc. And it pisses me off because just like in 3L, this was a building he just ripped from somewhere else to begin with!! He did lay the foundation and such but you can see Jimmy helping build a decent amount in the timelapse...

At some point he also seems ashamed to admit that Scott helped him with his storage system :(

When Scott reads out Jack's wish to have Jimmy executed, Jimmy goes and basically kneels before Scott, telling him to do it. Scott can't because of spawn protection, but Jimmy gets set on fire instead and he?? Runs to Scott??? He runs to Scott and basically kneels before him AGAIN and Scott does NOTHING and I I don't know I might be insane but. Holy shit this is a fever dream and feels like abstract symbolism but ough that hurt. That hurt a lot. Why did Jimmy run to Scott, why did he kneel/crouch before him as he was burning to death... What was he trying to do... Was he seeking something.... comfort...? Neigh... I just wish to know...

Scott in general is a fever dream in this all by himself though. They all turn up for Jack's funeral and then Scott starts talking about how he tried to be nice and expresses disappointment in having been met with disposition (finding out that Jimmy had a secret Jeremyism cove) acting all "if you want a villain I'll give you a villain!" as if he weren't already one after the cult he turned Jeremyism into and then suicide bombs the entire church still during Jack's funeral. ????? Jesus christ

This screenshot isn't relevant but Im giving it to you anyway

[jacaerysgf]

Hi there ❤️

I saw that your requests are open and i would like to request something if you dont mind.

Maybe one where reader has the same age of ethan but she was in a relationship with Richie (she meet Richie in the store when she was hired and Richie was a worker at that store ) but Ethan was in love with her (they go to the same school /college) so he got heartbroken when he discovered that reader its dating his brother the time that he went to the store to buy something (angsty) In the end he convinces her that he is a better option. Thank you so much ❤️

The better brother

Warnings | highschool!ethan (seniors), RICHIE 🤮 (you are 18 richie is 20 ethan is 18 quinn is 19), you and richie work at a convenience store, neglected and insecure ethan, cursing, richie is a major asshole, angst with happy ending !!! seriously richie is an ass. not proofread !!

wc | 2.4k

a/n: thank you for the request i really liked writing this prompt! maybe a little different than what you wanted but i hope you enjoy!!

--

"Ill see you later." "bye richie." he kissed you on the cheek before he got out of the car and walked into work. You had school today so you just had come to drop him off, you watched him walk in before driving off.

The two of you had been dating for almost two months now. You started working at the same place as him, for four months, he was the store manager so you two were constantly with each other and he asked you out soon after.

You were happy, mostly. Richie was nice yes but he seemed kind of distant most of the time unless you two were at work and you were helping him stock or he needed a ride to work. But he was nice, yes....

You dont wanna think about it any more as you arrive at school. You get out of your car and walk towards the building, "Good morning." You turn and see ethan standing in his usual spot waiting for you like he always does.

Ethan has been a friend of yours since the beginning of the school year, he was sweet and smart (and super cute.) You two had a couple of classes together so he waited outside for you every morning so he could walk to class with you.

"Good morning e." He smiles at you and you smile back, "did you finish the paper for english yet?" you groan, "dont even remind me." he laughs and begins to walk along side you to class.

---

Ethan didnt know when he began to like you. Maybe it was when on the first day of school this year when you sat down next to him you smiled or maybe it was when you didn't mind as he talked your ear off about comic books or maybe it was when you comforted him while his cat was at the vet and he had to go to school.

He didn't know and frankly he didn't care all he knew is that he liked you, he liked you so much he didn't know how to tell you. Everyday he would try to build up the courage to confess to you and once he finally tries he sees your smiling face and he fails.

Today at school you looked especially gorgeous, he tried to tell you but he just wouldn't come out and hes so frustrated with himself, why cant he just suck it up and say you looked pretty. On the walk home hes beating himself up, maybe he should just text you? no you said you had work after school he shouldn't.

He rolls his eyes at the text from quinn to pick up a bag of takis for her and tries to tell her no but shes insistent he gets them so groans as he begins the walk to the store. He finally arrives and begins to look around to find the chips, where the hell were they?

He finally finds the isle and spots two employees standing in the isle stocking the shelf, they look so familiar-

"it wasnt that bad."

"you cannot be serious the menu was actually horrible."

oh my god, it was you. and his brother? he hides around the corner unable to take his eyes off the scene, you work here? with his brother?

"well i liked it." you shrug as you put another bag on the shelf.

"you just dont understand good movies babe its not my fault."

He feels his stomach drop as he watches richie kiss you, no. He might throw up as he watches you shove him and shake your head saying something about being at work. his eyes begin to water as his hands shake.

Richie. Of course. the shadow he'll always live behind, the man he can never compete with. His older brother, hes the star of the family, his dad adores him so much to the point ethan was so neglected by his father to the point he decided to take his mothers name instead. His father never cared, not when he had his star son.

In his shock ethan drops his phone and it hits the hard ground with a bang, "shit." this was awful, ethan bent down to grab it but unable to spot it behind his watery eyes. The loud sound must have alerted you two and he looked up to see the two of you standing over him.

"Ethan?" You looked the most shocked to see him. He quickly looked back down and grabbed his phone hoping you didn't see his watery face.

"oh hey ethan." richie wrapped an arm around your shoulder with a smirk while greeting him. ethan cant even look at you. Of course youd date a guy like richie, he was a lot cooler than he was. God why did he have to suck so fucking much?

"you know ethan?" you sound confused as you look at richie, ethan looks at the ground wishing it was open up and shallow him whole so he could get far far away from here. "of course i do hes my baby brother, isnt that right ethan?" he's mocking him. ethan's tears begin to flow freely down his face.

You brush richies arm off and take another step closer to ethan, you look concerned and it makes him feel awful he was so fucking embarrassed.

"Ethan are you okay?" Ethan nods his head and races out of the store ignoring you yelling after him. He begins to sob as he feet hit the ground hard as he runs away from the store.

At some point he cant run anymore, he can barely breath because of how hard he was crying. He sits at some random bench and cries his heart out.

His heart is broken. its squeezing in his chest, he puts his hand over it and wishes he could just rip it out of his chest because that's exactly how it felt.

--

You stand frozen in the store looking at the soot ethan was just standing. You move to go after him before a hand grabs your arm, "dont worry about him babe." You turn to richie who was a smirk on his face.

"He was clearly upset-" Richie rolls his eyes, growing more annoyed at the conversation about his brother, "hes always been a fucking crybaby, it's nothing to sweat about. fucking annoying." He mumbles to the last part under his breath but you can hear it and you stare at him in disbelief.

"Hes your brother you shouldn't take about him like that-" richie groans and throws his hands uo in the air, "thats just how he his babe," "dont call me babe." "hes a fucking whiner! thats just how it is, he always has been. And he never shuts the fuck up sometimes like jesus christ no one gives a shit about your fucking comic books man. Me and dad make bets to see how long he'll keep his mouth shut." He laughs to himself as he reflects on the memories but you can only stare at him in disgust.

Who the hell was the guy standing in front of you? Your face contorts into anger as you feel yourself get defensive over ethan, "You make me sick." You hiss at him, "How dare you talk about him like that?" He rolls his eyes, "Why do you care so much-" "Cause hes my fucking friend! and you disgust me with the way you talk about him. I feel like i dont even fucking know you right now."

"if you like him so much than you go fuck him or something." You stand in shock, who the fuck did he think he was. you grab your name tag and rip it off your shirt. "Go fuck yourself richie. I quit and we're fucking done." You storm off and he sighs, "you cant be fucking serious right now." you turn back to him, "yes richie i'm done serious you make me sick."

He rushes over to you and grabs you by the arm, He looks at you with a disgusted expression, "over him? really?" Youre face contorts to one of disbelief, "Yes! Youre a piece of shit! ethan is a nice guy, much nicer than you."

He shakes his head at you in disbelief as he lets go of your arm, "What so youre in love with him or something, i didn't know you were a fucking whore. Its good were done i dont wanna be dating a slut."

Your fist slams into his jaw and he hits the ground, hard. "Never. Ever. Speak to me like that. And if i ever catch you talking shit about ethan i will do worse than punch you seriously." You spit on him as you walk out slamming the door hard behind you.

You feel yourself shaking with anger. Was that a stupid decision, maybe. did you regret it? hell no. You can barely believe richie and how mush of an ass he was, thankfully you found out sooner rather than later.

You can barely even be bothered with richie right now, but right now all you can think of is ethan, you begin to look around trying to see if you can spot ethan, he doesn't drive so he must have walked here.

"Ethan?" You call out and begin to walk in what what hopefully the right direction, you're mind races as you try to find him. Was he okay? He was clearly crying before, you continue to call for him before you see a figure crouched over on a bench. Ethan.

You rush over and call for him, "Ethan." You sit next to him and you feel your heart drop at his shoulders which are shaking and you can hear him sobbing into his hands.

You try to grab his face out of his hands but he doesn't let you, "Ethan please." You feel your heart break as he shakes his head furiously, "Leave me please." His voice breaks as he tries to speak, you can barely make out his words. "Im not going anywhere, ethan please."

He reluctantly moved his hands from his face and you cup his cheeks, you frown as you see his teary eyes, his wet face and the pout on his face. "Ethan." Its hushed, you pull him into your arms. he wraps his arms around you tightly as his head finds its way to your neck as he begin to cry again.

You attempt to comfort him by running your hands through is hair, "what wrong ethan? please talk to me. I hate seeing you like this." His cries only get worse, "ill never be good enough." youre confused, "dont say that ethan its not true-" "of course its true! ill never be good enough for anything or anyone, especially not you."

You freeze, the hand in his hair stops its motion as he continues, "why am i so awful, if i wasn't so terrible, if i wasnt so annoying, if i was him, you would choose me. Why cant it ever be me who gets choosen?"

You pull back and grab both of his cheeks, hes look down at your lap. You wipe the tears of hiss face, "Ethan-" "I dont want your pity." he continues to look down and he pulls away from you and begins to furiously wipe his face with is sleeves, "Ethan-"

"hes always had everything i ever wanted, i dont know why im so surprised he got you too." Your heart is racing at the implications of his words, does he mean- "of course he got the girl im in love with."

You rethink over everything interaction youve had with ethan over the past couple months. you always looked forward to seeing him every morning at school with his smile and his awkwardness. He told the most horrible jokes but they made you laugh so much that when you thought about them later in the day you laughed to yourself to the point you must have looked crazy to everyone around you, he always cheered you on if you had a test and always made time to help you study even if it conflicted with his schedule. You hated the days he was out of school, they would feel lonely and empty and you would spent the whole day texting him. even the thought of his smile made you smile- oh my god. You were in love with him.

With richie it felt like just passing time, like you knew it was never going to be you and him in the end but you still wanted it to work. You grab his face for the third time and force him to look at you. "Ethan, you have to be honest with me, do you mean what you're saying?" He nods, "Of course i do, ive been in love with you for forever." he covers yours hands with his, "i know youre with my brother but i need you to know i've always loved you and if you could ever consider the possibility of liking me back-"

You kiss him and you feel in gasp against you, he soon enough begins to kiss you back. It feels like electricity running through your body as the sparks between you two fly out everywhere. It was perfect, richies kisses were rushed, like he wanted to get it over with but with ethan he was slower, like he wanted to savor every second of you and every bit of you.

You two pull away for a air and he stares at you in disbelief, "im in love with you too ethan." His eyes widen as he shakes his head, "no no youre not richie-" "me and richie are done. Hes a dick." Ethan laughs, "I realized while he was talking shit about you that it was never him. When he was talking about you and then me i got so mad i fucking quit and punched him across the face." you laugh as his mouth opens in shock, "no-" "yes! because i felt so much for you. i love you ethan and im sorry i didn't realize it sooner."

A huge smile falls on his face and yours reflects his, more tears begin to fall but this time theyre happy ones, "god im so fucking happy right now." you laugh as he pulls you into another kiss.

"did you really punch him?"

"yeah and i fucking spit on the asshole too."

"I fucking love you."

[stevie-petey]

Hi! I know it's pretty late to be asking this but I got a random blurb idea at three in the morning so I thought I'd send it in before I forgot it. It's for season one, episode 5/6.

After Steve finds Jonathan and Nancy in her bed and tells bug she deserves better he drives off with Tommy and Carol. Basically his POV that whole car ride. He's grieving, in disbelief and heartbreak. He's angry and sad, not only for himself but for bug. Tommy and Carol are only riling him up at this point. Remember how Tommy or Carol said something like " wow Steve you're right she really is pathetic to still stay with him" maybe we see the convo where that came from. I feel like he was excited to be around who he thought were Nancy's friends outside of barb, and it all came crashing down.

Again this is really random and super late but I was just thinking about season one Steve and this scenario popped into my head. For being such a little shit Steve really is handsome.

i loooove this idea omg yes ! n never apologize for sending blurbs i love doin em

enjoy <3

"did henderson really defend that creep?" carol practically throws herself over the drivers seat in disbelief of what steve has just said.

"she did." steve tightens his hands around the steering wheel. his mind is reeling. hes hurt, hes so fucking hurt, and hes angry. for you, for what nancy has done to him, for what jonathan has done to you. for years youve been his little pet, always doting on the boy, and he still has the fucking nerve to hurt you like this. "shes pathetic."

the words burn steves tongue. he regrets them immediately.

tommy snorts. "i mean, yeah. shes hot, but at least have some self respect, ya know?"

the boys words only cause steve to tighten his grip on the steering wheel harder. youre not pathetic; youre selfless. youre so fucking selfless and always see the good in people. it infuriates steve. youre everything and more, and hes seen people abuse this rare kindness for years. make fun of you for it, mock you as if the kindness you bring isnt a breath of fresh air for everyone.

he hears a yelp next to him and steve knows that carol has slapped tommy for calling another girl hot in front of her.

"i just dont get it," steve sighs out. theres so much he wants to ask, to say and plead and demand. he cant get the betrayal in your eyes out of his head. youd looked devasted when hed told you what he saw at nancys. how jonathan had been wrapped around her.

and yet even as the hurt crossed upon your face, you still managed to swallow down the hurt and see the good in people.

in the people who didnt fucking deserve it.

"fuck if i know, man." tommy rubs at his arm and glares at carol.

she simply rolls her eyes at him and goes back to picking at her nails. "why do we assume she even knows how to do anything other than put on that angelic act bullshit?"

"what, like she doesnt know how to be mean?" tommy asks, furrowing his brows.

steve stares straight ahead. "all shes ever been is kind."

"exactly," carol throws herself against the drivers seat again. "whos to say its real? not some creepy act? better yet: how do we know shes not, like, fucked up in the head?"

youre not. steve has seen your intelligence. youre the top of your class and hes had to shamefully ask you for help with english homework.

tommy frowns again. "wait, i thought she was smart."

"god, youre dumb." carol shakes her head. "what i mean is, what if she physically incapable of being mean. like, some chemical imbalance in her brain."

"could explain her freakish devotion to byers." tommy says.

steves grip tightens once more hearing the boys name. jonathan byers. resident creep who somehow has captured the heart of hawkins sweetheart. the same boy who has now cheated on her with steves girlfriend.

he will never understand this.

nancy has hurt him, shes abandoned him like everyone else has, and he knows that somehow its his fault.

but you? you dont deserve any of this.

what carol has said makes sense. maybe you really dont know how to be mean. if youre physically incapable of it, then steve decides that he has to do something about it.

if you need to be mean, then he'll be mean for you.

[9w1ft]

hi anon,

i guess for me, my understanding of i-D being restructured is that it was at a point where it was going to happen regardless of whether or not karlie invested in it. because VICE, the company that owned it, had filed for bankruptcy. actually i think everyone was going to be fired and all of i-D was going to disappear. karlie invested and i-D has been working to make their business model sustainable again, leading to people being laid off.

actually there was a games media site called waypoint, which operated under VICE for several years before it was shut down completely, that i was a follower of, and i frequently listened to their podcasts, and i picked up on a ton of information about how shitty the VICE culture and management is, how they buy things and ruin them through mismanagement and a lack of professionalism, and i picked up on this vicariously through the podcast and by following a lot of the people who were involved in it via social media for many years. this gives a greater context to me about i-D’s situation as it relates to VICE.

so to me, actually, it reads more like karlie stepped in and salvaged i-D, a magazine she cares about and a lot of her fashion industry friends care about, from being lost forever.

i really think people always assume the worst of karlie. some of that is on her because she’s not always the best communicator, but so much of the i-D stuff that people have pinned on her is complete conjecture based on a picture people have painted of karlie of being an inherently mean and evil person. and i don’t think she’s a mean and evil person. i think for a lot of people who are taylor swift fans, we can’t even agree on this point, and so i don’t find it productive to discuss it much in an online forum. but i know there are people like you out there anon, so, i’ll attempt saying a little more.

think of people in your life that you admire, or public figures or celebrities that you enjoy. if you went looking, i guarantee you could find faults in every person. dealbreakers, even. and i bet you haven’t cancelled all of them. so i think this suggests that there is a way that humans make it work.

as someone who has followed karlie for many years now and has watched basically every interview of her and all these moves from her, i feel like i understand the circumstances and conditions that lead up to her saying things or doing things that arent perfect, that are taken the wrong way, that can cause harm, when it’s really not intentional and just karlie being karlie. (i feel the exact same way about taylor by the way)

and for me, i am very confident that if i ever were to sit down with her and talk to her about how i feel about any number of issues that she would see my point of view. or that over time she will find her way. again, i feel the exact same way about taylor. because i feel that i have come to know her and the type of personality she has and i know at the end of the day the things she does are coming from a well meaning place, so it’s more a matter of direction. there are a lot of people in this world where i believe this is not the case and i harbor very different feelings for them.

i dont think this entirely answers your question but this is the gist of what i’ve decided to write.

[tempestuous-tempest]

Fallout Show Rant: [Spoilers?]

Ya know, people feared this would ruin the franchise and I think it did really good. The community seemed to take it pretty well. As far as Tumblr goes. I haven't seen many complaints. There is so much that is given to us. And I still have many questions. But regardless, the fucking characters are [Chef's kiss] 🤌.

I've seen planty of talk about the characters, especially Cooper, obviously. That man is a living legend. Quite literally. My favorite scene is one that brought me to tears. The "turning feral" scene. Why did it bring me to tears? Because it showed that Cooper, our ghoul protagonist, is not just a rough and tough prick as he is introduced at the time he is a Ghoul. Yes, we also think about the Dogmeat thing, but this is a better example. He could have ended his buddie's life plainly, as most any different person would do. But what people dont seem to understand or think about is the fact that he got him to think of home or at least happy thoughts before he died. About his mother and apple pie. Then he killed him out of mercy. He made sure he wasnt scared. He made it quick so he didnt suffer. That brought me to tears.

Also, poor Max who didnt deserve any of what happened to him. Well... He made dumb decisions, but it's not his fault he was practically raised in the Brotherhood of Biggots. Sorry, "Holier Than Thou Brotherhood". Wait, yeah, I'm not apologizing for insulting those skanks in armor.

Lucy, good job girl. Not letting the wasteland consume her. Learning how the world works, whoo. I dont like her that much, but she did impress me. She also improved quite a bit. A little sad she and Max never got to fully be together, but I mean, this is Fallout. They dont do couples. Especially not happy or married couples.

Story was pretty nice. But there were a lot of dumb as a bag of bricks characters....as if common sense had avoided them all their lives.

Also, a little sad we didnt see supermutants. Or deathclaws. Minus what I think is a skull or two? Minutemen radio popping up definitely hit some people hard. The jokes made about how many mods people made to silence it in fo4 is hilarious.

I dont know if I'm legally allowed to continue ranting about this. Hold on-

[deargravity]

Another one for the ask(I hope you dont mind) 26: What do you think of Akashi's parents and their relationship

omg i don't mind at all. anyone can ask me about akashi anytime and i will respond in an extremely normal way. sorry for being so late.

from this

naturally, i think it's complicated with both parents, which is expected. for his father - i think what i want to say has already been said before but a lot of the burden may be generational, since akashi was born into a wealthy family. he doesn't really get to be a son as much as a bearer of his family's legacy but then it's also his dad's fault for not being a father. i'd think it's complicated for both of them but i don't like dwelling a lot on his dad. it's simple - like every other adult in akashi's life, his father has failed him but the worst part is that his father was the first of many to do so.

i'd say it's very likely that akashi is torn between acknowledging the way his father treated him was terrible and wanting to believe that his father was acting out of his best interests. your parents are generally the first role models you have in your life, they're the first people you believe in to care for you and protect you and keep you safe.

unfortunately, parents are not gods and they're not heroes either and i think akashi had to learn it the hard way by first learning his parents are mortal (after his mother died) and that there's nothing heroic about them (considering the way his father raised him). that's also another reason he split in two - he wants to be his mother's son but he also has to be his father's son to survive in the house. i think in terms of world views and self-perception, that's where oreshi and bokushi differ in particular. oreshi acknowledges that the adults in his life have failed him and that his dad is not much of a dad and no matter how badly he needs his mother, she'll never be here for him the way she was but bokushi desperately wants to deny the circumstances because of his crippling fear of abandonment and aversion to vulnerability - acknowledging his father was terrible to him means acknowledging that he was damaged in any way, which cycles back to his belief that any kind of weakness is unacceptable and he overcompensates by creating a grandiose image. his desire for control also means that he fiercely believes that what happened to him could have been rectified if he'd simply done a better job of being a son.

that's why the conversation in the headspace struck me as genius because oreshi acknowledges that bokushi was born from a place of fear and weakness. bokushi is just a scared little boy who refuses to look his fear in the eyes (quite literally, might i add, with the 'lower your head'), oreshi is the boy who acknowledges that his circumstances were terrible but he can choose not to be defined by them, and the only way to do that is to accept that they've done their damage.

parent-child relationships are very difficult to explain but essentially, akashi loves his dad but not all of the time and even if he loves his dad, he'll never be able to trust him. yes those things are separate.

i don't think there's much to say about his dad. he probably just believes what he thinks is best for his son is irrefutable fact and that it should pass. he was a terrible parent but from my understanding, he wasn't intentionally so. which is unfortunately the case for a lot of abusive dynamics. plus, from what i gather, akashi's parents didn't seem to have a unified parenting approach - his father exercised his will and his mother stood between the two of them to protect akashi as best as she could. maybe between husband and wife, it would have been different because i think akashi's father also crumbled after her death but their doctrine of self-sufficiency and invincibility kept father and son from supporting each other through it, which ultimately made things worse.

akashi was still really young when she passed and i believe he loved her but after her passing, before he'd processed anything, it is possible he could have resented her for not continuing to protect him. simply because his kid brain couldn't understand the permanence of her death. he'd miss her, resent her for going, resent himself for thinking ill of her, feel ashamed, and then overcompensate by working hard to meet his father's wishes and internalise this as "it's just the way it is." (love my characters who are so deeply embedded in their own cycle of grief and shame that separating from it means having to reconstruct their whole identity from the ground-up! no wonder bokushi is terrified and acting out the way he does! i would too!)

at least that's what i think. but what do i know. i don't like thinking about it though. akashi is my son now for all i care

[loiswasadevil]

This is my last straw I've been getting non stop asks from Smoleggon and his gang They just want to be my Catalyst by accusing me of having sex with my late brother and By being a pedophile all because I want to unite Family Guy fans. SMOLEGGON I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH MY BROTHER AND I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE EITHER I DONT TALK TO ANYBODY OR HAVE ANY FRIENDS FOR A REASON. Everybody just wants to fuck with me and Laugh at me like I'm just some kind of fucking joke and I can't take it The only people who pretend to like me Only do it because they think it's funny when I hurt. I'm not a fucking joke I'm a Person I'm a living breathing Person with feelings and I am Effected by the things you say like when you tell me I am why my Brother died as if I don't think about that Every day and telling me I had Sex with my brother and telling me I'm a pedophile because Minors following me telling me I have to keep a tab on every single one of my followers it's so fucking stressful. SO SMOLEGGON AND HIS GANG NEEDS TO STOP SENDING ME THIS BULLSHIT TRYING TO BE MY CATALYST. I would never have sex with my brother that is Disgusting I have no interest in Anybody at all romantically or sexually EXCEPT PETER BECAUSE HE IS MY HUSBAND. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. IM SICK OF YOU PERVERTS MAKING ME THINK ABOUT THIS DISGUSTING VILE THINGS I DON'T LIKE THIS. I DONT LIKE THIS I DONT LIKE BEING TALKED TO LIKE THIS I'M TIRED OF MY DEVIL HEART UNLOCKING BECAUSE OF DISGUSTING SHIT PEOPLE SEND INTO MY INBOX. CONSTANT DEATH THREATS FROM SMOLEGGON AND HIS GANG IN MY INBOX TELLING ME THEYLL FIND WHERE I LIVE AND HURT ME. I don't want to hurt anymore I'm so tired of my Devil's Heart. I wish I could be Normal like every body else but I'll just be Alone forever that's what connects me and Lois is nobody Understands her not even Peter the love of her life truly Understands how she feels inside and no matter how Many people she surrounds herself with she Will always be alone that's why I don't surround myself with Anybody anymore I tried with Joe and Bonnie but they were Fakers who pretended to be my friend Because they thought it was funny to make me hurt I try to keep Brian around but He never talks to me anymore I don't think he Cares about me I don't think he's faking like Bonnie and Joe but I do think he does not want to talk to me or watch cartoons like Family Guy and American Dad with me anymore even though he used to and Meg doesn't talk to me very often I'm glad when she does but we're not close she's just a Family Guy kin although I'm happy to have her around the only person who was ever close to me was Caleb and he was constantly my Catalyst just like Peter to Lois. But I miss Caleb I really do because even when he was Ignoring me I felt like I had somebody to talk to but now I'm Alone and after this slander Campaign by Smoleggon I'm scared that people will Believe these Lies they are obsessed with spreading because they're Obsessed with me. I just want to unite all Family Guy fans and I don't understand why I get this kind of hate I didn't do anything wrong no matter what Platform I go on I get hate even in real life when it was just me and Jonas I would get constant Hate from my Mom and Dad because of Family Guy they would beat me within an inch of my life because of Family Guy I would lay on my bedroom floor bleeding and crying and Jonas was the only one who was there for me and he would wash my Wounds and sing me the Family Guy theme song to calm me down I miss Jonas and I do feel like it's my fault he died because if I wasn't obsessed with Family Guy he would've moved on and we wouldn't have to Run Away to talk about Family Guy and play Family Guy outside or get sent to the Tent. Smoleggon when you send me asks about my brother and about being a horrible person it really effects me. I know you think it's funny to be my Catalyst but it Hurts. So I hope you see this post and realize I'm not that different from you and I hope you can sympathize and tell your minions to leave me alone and please Move on.

[houndfaker]

small ramble about swap kotone and aigis incoming bcuz i cant draw atm so i have to be sick abt them a different way

my hamugis paws all over everything ok here goes 🐾

i discussed before that there arent too many changes in the way of the twins' deals, outside of them no longer being in the leader position for sees and becoming student council members (kotone as president, yuki as unofficial vice pres) to take over for mitsuru.

kotone is still a person with a lot of pain inside that keeps everything bottled and behaves like nothing bothers her. the way id been seeing it is that i think she has something of a fascination with aigis when they initially meet. aigis's emotions are very iced out. she views herself as a tool to the kirijo group and is analytical and unsociable initially as a result. that said, i think kotone's outward kindness effects aigis in a way. she has something of a little crush on her based on the version of herself she projects. very childish very ohhh shes so pretty and nice to me...pretends so hard that shes unbothered but its one of the few things that manages to flat out fluster her

as time goes on aigis, who feels like she is the same as kotone is at her core, picks up on kotone's little tells. the drop of her practiced smile, the anger slipping from beneath when someone bothers those close to her. aigis, untrusting, initially mistakes the mask for deceit. she makes it clear, at a point, that she knows kotone is empty inside just like her. aigis winds up latching onto the thought (one that is partially born of her less than stellar self-perception) that any kindness towards her was just in the pursuit of keeping up appearances and so she begins to avoid kotone.

kotone, frightened by how seemingly effortlessly aigis manages to see through her, also begins to avoid her, which accidentally reinforces that line of thinking.

but...aigis can't manage to keep away for long. maybe she considers it a fault of herself that she knows much of who kotone is to be false (or, so she thinks) but still wants to hold onto her. still wants to be close. its aigis that makes an effort to reconnect. and, well, a mask is still a facet of oneself, even if its not always presented honestly.

i feel that they really benefit from sticking with each other, honestly. i think there is a level of understanding about who they are deep down, and how they dont want to be burden others with themselves. i think their bond is a good first step toward learning how to be ok with what they feel, and trusting other people with those true feelings. they could hold hands about it i think also

[bonefall]

i saw that ask about cannon ships chem and i realized that the bramble abusing squilf thing is kinda sorta pointed out. But its kinda in a heavily implied, if you squint and tilt your head you can see it kind of way. Like how in the newest arc, every time Bramble and squilf, mostly her, gets brought up, she is Miserable. She is the most depressed she's ever been and Night is constantly kinda going, huh she's in a bad mood again today too, maybe it was brambles fault. Something i noticed also is that i dont remember a single scene of her in the recent books where she wasnt tired and miserable, kinda reminds me of bluestar towards the end of her life but that phase was split between her and bramble.

I'm not holding my breath, but if ASC continues the quality of the past two books, and is actually doing set up that it is planning pay off for, I think this time we might actually get the narrative finally SAYING that Bramblestar is abusive

Because they’ve written Bramblestar making a perfect, textbook example of an abusive "set-up," a situation where Bramble makes a decision that Squirrelflight HAS to defy, so that he can shout at her for it when she inevitably does.

I keep having people show up in my replies to try to tell me, “Oh he has dementia and he doesn’t actually know what he’s doing,“ and... listen, if you really believe that a person with a well-documented abusive past is just accidentally falling backwards into setting up his wife so he can publicly humiliate her, both able to HATCH plans but also MENTALLY INCAPABLE of understanding the consequences, then maybe you are the one with dementia

He tells her not to bother WindClan over the vole. Clan politics means that Squilf needs to say something about it. He manipulates the truth out of Nightheart in an incredibly tense scene where Night is clearly uncomfortable. When Leafstar comes to talk about Tigerheartstar’s little “suggestion“ at the gathering, we get this exchange:

“Let’s see how it plays out.” Bramblestar looked at her steadily. “It’s not like Tigerstar is planning to invade RiverClan.” “Not yet,” Leafstar mewed darkly. “But I can’t help feeling that he was more than just running an idea past us, as you put it. I think he was preparing us, getting us used to his plan, so that when he does act, it will seem less shocking.” “You’re being paranoid,” Bramblestar told her. “Am I?” Leafstar looked at Squirrelflight, clearly expecting the ThunderClan deputy to back her up. But Squirrelflight looked away. “If Bramblestar thinks we should let it play out, then that’s what we’ll do.”

-Sky (page 303 in my PDF)

I cannot read this without immediately being reminded of Squirrelflight’s Hope. This is the EXACT thing that Bramble abused her about for that entire super edition-- the feeling that she ‘wasn’t backing him up’ and taking the side of Leafstar and the Sisters.

He’s upset. He’s mad that when Leafstar leaves, Squirrelflight is angry with him over what he said to her, he’s still thinking about that vole, and so. He gets Nightheart to go spy on ShadowClan... to ‘prove‘ that Tigerheartstar isn’t planning anything.

His extremely reckless grandson, the one who threw himself in front of a hawk, the one who’s desperate to please Bramble. He picks him to go spy when he was the one arguing that Tigerheartstar is totally innocent and they shouldn’t be suspicious of him, preventing anyone else who’s more capable from taking action. When Squirrelflight finds out about this, she tells Nightheart that she completely forbids it, OBVIOUSLY, because this is an awful idea!!

So we could say that the writer here completely didn’t intend any of it and is just so bad at writing that they portrayed literally the opposite (bramble bad) of what they intended (bramble good and noble), but... I’m choosing to give this arc my goodwill for now.

So here’s to hoping this arc ends with an actual Bramble callout