#i just saw a post about fallout 4 changes

[get-more-bald]

every day I thank god fans aren't in charge of making updates to games

[strelitzia-mystery1097]

What killed Macaque?

Well I was going to link my first post about this but I... can't find it. Like I checked over and over and tumblr keeps telling me I made no post about lmk which... is weird. I don't know if it was deleted or it's buried in the internet but that's... fine. Just kind of annoying that I can't find my own post.

Anyways I guess I should recap.

I have never liked the theories of 'Wukong didn't actually kill Macaque' or 'LBD changed Macaque's memories' or anything like that.

But also don't like when everything is blamed on Wukong and those Wukong haters and/or Macaque 'did nothing wrong' fans paint the whole situation as solely Wukong's fault.

Did Wukong make bad choices and mistakes. Yes.

But so did Macaque.

Their fallout is both their faults.

Macaque from season 4 is able to understand that the Brotherhood were on a path of destruction and were doomed but the Monk was able to lead Wukong down a different path.

But remember we saw in the scroll that the Brotherhood during the jttw believed that Wuking was a traitor and it was only Macaque not fully 100% believing it.

We know in the og jttw Macaque was less of his own character and more of a dark reflection of Wukong. But even then we shouldn't dismiss entirely what jttw Macaque did (except for cooking a Flower Fruit Mountain monkey because I think lmk would not make Macaque be so friendly with the FFM monkeys if that was canon in lmk).

Jttw Macaque impersonated Wukong, beat up the Monk, stole the group's supplies, took over Flower Fruit Mountain, declared that he was going to do the journey with the scriptures himself, and then got into a really long fight with the real Wukong and literally like only 2 people were able to tell who's the real one (Budda and like this lie detecting bull from the underworld?), and when Budda reveals Macaque's true form Wukong kills him.

So clearly some things will be different.

But I do believe that lmk Macaque would pretend to be Wukong and would try to befriend the Monk like in the jttw. Because Macaque at this point would try and figure out what's going on.

The last time he talked to the Monkey King they had a fight. So that's probably why he just doesn't ask Wukong directly.

Also we should probably account for how emotional and potentially unstable Macaque probably is at this point if his best friend is back and working for the enemy for some reason.

So he tries to figure out that reason. But the thing is that when Macaque pretends to Wukong, it's after a major fight between Wukong and the Monk so the kind Tang Sanzang is just not wanting to deal with Wukong even after he's being nice.

So all Macaque sees is this rude and mean Monk that bosses Wukong around. So yeah he beats the $hit out of this ungrateful Monk.

Plus he would extra angry if he knows about how the Monk uses the Circlet on Sukong and hurts his best friend to discipline him.

Then cut to Wukong finally fighting Macaque.

Wukong has learned to be better and is probably seeing how the Brotherhood and his past deeds were not great, and Macaque was a part of that past.

Macaque is probably extremely upset that Wukong is taking the Monk's side and is just abandoning and leaving him again. No it's worst, he's turning on Macaque to stop him.

So this fight is probably extremely emotionally harrowing, with both of them not communicating and just having breakdowns and/or shoving down their true wants.

I mean in season 5 from the glimpse we see of the fight, Wukong is begging Macaque to not do this while Macaque is just laughing. So yeah he's probably have a complete breakdown and is hiding it under his dramatic b%tch persona he perfects after his revival to not be vulnerable.

One way this could end is Wukong accidently killing Macaque in a fit of rage or to protect his new family. Instead of killing his dark reflection he's killing his past.

But I also saw this interesting theory by @Cherllyio where Macaque's weird probably chaos related powers + him losing control of himself and his emotions while having a breakdown = Macaque self destructing literally.

I definitely hope that whatever the answer ends up being, that it's a situation where there's blame on both sides. That it was a messy situation and there's regret and pain (sudden LBD flash) but now if they wanted to, the two can finally... talk.

[multifandumbmeg]

Alright SCREW IT here's my Kiara defense post:

Is it annoying to watch get paired off with everyone in the main cast? Sure. Let me explain why that's not a character flaw or terrible, unplanned writing so yall can put some respect on her name.

1. They're ALL in love with her, and literally throwing themselves at her all the time. This is so important and well-documented that John B literally tells us IN HIS INTRODUCTION TO THE GROUP in episode one. It is literally so relevant to their entire group dynamic that he brings it up in the first episode summary of who they all are. Guys actually do this I have seen this happen. One of my high school best friends was constantly manic pixie dream girled (despite being profoundly depressed) and several entire friend groups of boys fell in love with her. She dated one guy, who was a piece of shit and dumped her saying it was because of his parents but told his friends it was because she had too much baggage. The fallout was so bad, one guy from one of the friend groups tattled to her and a different guy, who was best friends with the douche, literally got into a fight with him and THE DOUCHE HAD TO CHANGE FRIEND GROUPS BECAUSE HIS BOYS KICKED HIM OUT. I'm serious about these teenage boys all having the same taste and thinking it's a competition.

2. John B kissed HER. She immediately shut him down. Immediately. Everything before that can easily be explained as Kiara being concerned about him after losing his father. Teenage boys are dumb anyhow, but it's particularly easy to see why John B and JJ, who have both been routinely neglected and grew up without mothers (read, any positive female attention/influence) would interpret this as Kiara having feelings for them. They fall in love with anyone who sincerely gives them the time of day, basically. And that's a little too relatable moving on.

3. "Mixed signals" by kissing boys on the cheek. While I would not recommend this, I think there was a very clear pattern to her behavior and I have a theory I'm 99% sure is canon, based on copious textual evidence.

Kiara was in love with JJ all along. I'll come back to this. She only kissed the boys she friendzoned on the cheek. With John B, I genuinely think she never had any sort of romantic feelings for him and just saw him as a best bro. But she was worried about him, and maybe realized he listened to her more when she did it. Nonetheless, the minute he gets with Sarah it's almost like she feels relieved and never does anything remotely mixed signals to him again. Now Pope? That is a rich text. What the hell is going on with her and Pope?

4. When Pope first confesses, Kiara is once again caught off-guard. She once again rightfully turns him down IMMEDIATELY and gives extremely accurate and self-aware reasons. Her rejection of him is surprisingly mature, that the life he plans on and wants is ultimately and assuredly not compatible with what she wants for herself. So why did she kinda date him? Honestly, I think it was an attempt to move on from what she believed were doomed feelings for JJ. After all the things that happen in season 1, after Pope going off the deep end a little bit by smoking weed, getting drunk, and engaging in acts of violence, as well as ditching his scholarship interview, Kiara suddenly experiences a spark of attraction towards Pope.

Because he's acting like JJ. Reckless. Using substances to cope. Chaotic. Spontaneous. She knows these things are bad for Pope, and she's at times put off by how un-Pope-like they are as his friend, but she has a type. So following a moment of attraction and the sudden supposed loss of John B (and Sarah), she decides to give it a go. Maybe Pope's different after everything that happened. And he is, but not quite the way she was expecting. To link this back to the cheek-kissing thing, honestly, I think Kiara lowkey has the ick 😂. She consistently shoves any of the boys who try to touch her at all away except for JJ, the entire series mind you, except for these little cheek kisses like that's all she can manage to do. She kisses Pope like twice and ends up sleeping with him, at which point she realizes she just can't do it. She's not consistently attracted to her, and she can't get past her feelings for JJ, so she calls it off. Again, that's a fair healthy, and kind thing to do. When you realize it's not going to work, especially if you have feelings for someone else, it is distinctly NOT dragging people around to cut it off. If Kie has a real problem, honestly? I think it's that ultimately she wants a man she can fix. And Pope's fine. So that's him out.

My proof that the writers absolutely intended Kiara to have feelings for JJ from day one:

"Did you tell JJ?" specifically. Just JJ. She doesn't want HIM to think she's taken.

Shoving away John B and Pope every time they try to hug her or put an arm around her etc. Letting JJ hug her, take her hand, sling his arm around her etc. She also goes out of her way to touch him by taking his arm, holding him when he's crying, hugging him several times and then almost kissing him. So in a way, I'd very much like you to consider, Kiara was not in fact sending everyone mixed signals, her problem was that she was so consistent. Consistently attracted to and in love with someone she thought had no real interest in her. JJ flirts with her jokingly, and from episode 1 and the convo in the bell tower between John B and Sarah, we know that he's a horny little dude. And that's not surprising either, because people who've been abused tend to go one way or the other- either very physical touch-seeking in an attempt to balance about the bad, or very touch-avoidant. JJ is clearly, demonstably in column A. Not just with Kiara, but he also initiates hugs with John B and Pope, touches their faces, and even kisses Pope on the cheek once. He's clearly a very touchy person with everyone, so I can see how Kiara would be unsure about his feelings when he very much does not communicate his wants or needs with words.

Finally, the proof that Kiara had feelings for JJ, and that Jiara was the direction the show was headed, was in their conversation in thr storage container. When JJ tells her what he wants from life and plans to do with the money, it's a direct parallel to her initial reject of Pope. He wants to travel the world and be spontaneous and non-sedentary and have no use for money. Everything she said to Pope and is always trying to explain to her parents. That was 0% accidental, that was the writers making it clear: these two are a match, they're compatible on a much deeper level.

4. So if they always planned on JJ and Kiara, why didn't those two just get together to start? The answer, my friends, is jealousyy. This is a common tactic in writing to get a couple together: force the reluctant one to acknowledge their feelings by putting the other in a relationship with someone else. Im short: every moment between Kiara and John B or Pope was to show us JJ did not like that and therefore that his feelings for Kiara were serious, unlike how she interpreted them and him being a flirty himbo with other girls. It also helped Kiara realize she wasn't getting over him any time soon, and that she couldn't avoid her feelings either. So it forced them both to give up and acknowledge to themselves that they had feelings for the other.

5. "Teenage girls don't act like her" JOKES. This is the dumbest argument I've seen, I'm sorry. I'm happy you have met such well-adjusted teenage girls but buddy... I have known some teenage girls and people who used to identify as girls at that age who would make you roll over in your grave. Some people don't know what they want, some people desperately crave attention, some people just can't seem to avoid drama or make good choices and sometimes that's even a resulted of untreated disabilities or mental illness. Sometimes it's all of the above. My point is absolutely there are teenage girls who act like Kiara and faaar worse.

6. Lastly, why not John B or Pope? Why was Kiara totally valid for not liking them romantically? Well feelings are feelings so she's valid anyways but can we talk about them both touching her/making moves at inappropriate times without consent?? It's understandable she likes JJ and feels the safest around him when he's the only who doesn't act like he wants or expects anything from her. He never kisses her without consent, let alone while running from the cops randomly. He never tries to put his arm around her or make a move in the middle of them having an emotionally intimate conversation where she is clearly seeking emotional comfort. I'm not saying John B or Pope are bad people, but with Kiara both showed a lot of immaturity and failed to read the room numerous times. They acted whenever they personally felt attraction, regardless of where she was at at the time. There's such a thing as reading body signals, and the only times JJ comes close to making an actual move on Kiara is when she comes to him, gets close to his face and leans in. In the end, he only kisses her after she looks him dead in the eyes and tells him I LOVE YOU. That's on respect. Also, John B and Pope both get their shit together and learn this with their next girlfriends! So good on them!

But Kiara confessed to JJ at a random time too! I hear you shouting. NAY. Incorrect!! JJ is actively avoiding her and having a mature conversation about how they feel about each other, and also the fact that he stole from her family, and that is on HIM. That is a result of his issues and his fear and poor coping mechanisms. Kiara forced him to address it at an inopportune time because she already attempt to address it privately TWICE and he wouldn't let her. So all she did there was clear the air and make her own feelings known, which he needed to hear. That is the last conversation they have before he attempts to apologize and confess back. That is what convinces him that Kiara's feelings for him are both genuine and serious, and that no amount of pushing her away will succeed. She loves him unconditionally, which he did not know was possible until then.

So in short!! Kiara actually behaves like a real human being. She's not crazy, extremely selfish, nor an example of writers just testing out the waters and seeing what the fans want or who has the most chemistry. She is very consistent. The only thing I can really begrudge about her behavior towards her friends (her parents are a different story) is that she's insensitive to both John B and Pope after rejecting them, which I believe is because she doesn't realize they had actual feelings for her so much as thinking she's hot.

[suffarustuffaru]

If emilia had known all the manipulative and deceitful shit that echidna did to subaru in greed If and how fucked up subaru became under her influence, and how much Echidna despised everything about her and saw her as a useless, annoying naive doll, and eventually found out that Echidna was in fact so greedy and inhuman, do you think she would have changed her mind about Echidna and started to wary and disgusted by her? (Plus the talk of Beatrice waiting 400 years in Arc 4's Dream Castle would probably add fuel to the fire)

YES. absolutely. yes. itd be barely even a question, of course emilia would be wary of echidna and disgusted by echidnas actions if she (emilia) ever found this out. but im gonna explain why i think this🙏

we see some major instances of emilia standing up for herself—the biggest examples include her post arc 4 development, also her being mad about subaru calling her satella in arc 1, her arc 3 speech to the royal council (that was sadly glossed over in the anime but you can see it in the manga and its SUPER badass) and also her arc 3 fallout with subaru, etc etc. but the ones where she has more of a negative reaction, ie the arc 1 example and the arc 3 fallout with subaru—are particularly interesting to me.

the arc 1 example shows her standing up for herself with something that was done to her directly. subaru called her satella in public when shes already out there showing her face and being judged as she always is, but people arent usually so bold as to directly call her satella. its why she gets pissed—its a very personal insult, and its one that shes had to deal with for almost her entire life due to more factors out of her control (which is a reoccurring theme with her—shes rarely fully in control of many things in her life). this also is you know one of the examples where she DOES stand up for herself!!

but regarding the arc 3 fallout—yes, of course shes upset that subaru humiliated her at the royal selection when shes already bound to have a hard time because shes a half elf. of course shes upset that subaru broke his promise (especially when you remember her trauma with that), and of course shes upset because subaru absolutely looks like a massive liar right now (especially when you remember her trauma with that) and again, didnt keep his promise. but its interesting to note that emilia has this huge guilt complex regarding people being hurt because of her in some way (which isnt her fault at ALL but thats how it feels to her and this is how its often justified by perpetrators in universe!!). puck even tells her in memory snow that subaru keeps getting hurt because of her because puck is a shit father. so yes, emilia is upset that subarus hurt her, but so much of her dialogue in their arc 3 fallout is about how subaru got hurt because of her, and how she doesnt want subaru to be hurt anymore. a big part of why she leaves subaru then is because of that!! she was personally hurt, her trauma has been triggered by this too, shes been publicly humiliated on a deep level when shes already bound to struggle in the selection, and yet shes thinking more about subaru in this instance. that says so much about her.

and once you get to post arc 4 emilia in general—this is an emilia who is grown and is still struggling with her deepest insecurities but shes finally started to face them head on. of course shes gonna feel disgusted by what echidna did to subaru (and beatrice!!) if she ever found out—subaru and beatrice are very dear to emilia, and theyre the two people emilia is closest with thatve been affected by echidna the most.

i just think that on the scale of things echidna has done, emilia would care the least about how echidna feels about her specifically. not in the sense that emilia wouldnt care, because she does. she cares deeply about what others think of her and she always tries to be kind and nice and proper. she always tries to prove herself to others because she always has something to prove. shes the half devil, and shes someone whos often overshadowed both in universe and narratively.

echidnas feelings on her are only unique in its intensity and mystery—we see echidnas face scrunch up and she looks and sounds like shes going to cry when she admits in the anime that she hates emilia. we dont know why, only that this is the one and Only time we echidna with such negative emotions of this caliber? but echidna is probably far from the only person in the world to hate emilia and see her as useless and annoying and naive. and echidna is most definitely not the only person to hate emilia in the first place for various reasons.

emilia is extremely aware of just how many people despise her. how could she not when its connected to her appearance and existence? shes reminded of that like 90% of the time she steps outside. or when she thinks about other demihumans or about the fate of her own people. would it still sting for emilia to learn about the full depth of echidnas hatred? yeah, because like i said, echidna really has a personal vendetta against emilia, and also because this is all poking and prodding at the same core insecurities emilia has—that emilia is and will always be some useless doll thats paraded around. would it make emilia a little wary because echidna has a personal grudge? yes. of course. when theres a threat to emilia herself personally, that tends to extend for other people (such as her camp), so she unfortunately has to think about that. and of course emilia would probably also be wondering Why its so personal for echidna.

but emilia will IMMEDIATELY fixate more on the fact that echidna deeply hurt beatrice and subaru.

emilia is someone whos hated by the world, someone whos near constantly targeted unfairly in various ways—but she continually chooses to try and be kind and try to keep her courage and try to do the right thing even as shes completely terrified. shes deeply scared to hurt others due to her traumas and Various Experiences. she may not be entirely certain what love is, but she has felt it numerous times and loves her loved ones a lot. she cant fathom someone like echidna, who locked her own daughter in the library to wait for a person who isnt real just so echidna could watch and see what happens. echidna used her own daughter like some sick twisted lab experiment, and emilia would be even more deeply uncomfortable when you remember that she too was put in a princess room by her mother figure (which was well meaning and WAY different than beatrice of course, but im sure the room parallel would be Uncomfy anyway). and beatrice was waiting for 400 years too, emilias going to be so grief stricken and angry on beatrices behalf!!

and subaru's behalf too!! but let me go deeper into explaining greed if first.

when it comes to greed if, i dont like to entirely attribute everything to echidna here—mainly because i dont want to ignore subarus agency in all of this. subaru is the antithesis to someone like emilia or reinhard—subaru has infinite choices. hes choice itself. he can change in any direction and make whatever choices he wants and nothing can stop him once he sets his mind to something.

and greed if subaru continually makes decisions that makes him and everyone around him worse. he threatens felt and rom to leave the election to manipulate reinhard into joining him. he holds meili hostage in a cell to control elsa. characters like garfiel and ram understandably resent him for his manipulative bullshit. otto leaves because of it. emilia and beatrice’s mental health are completely and utterly destroyed because of his actions. yes, echidna is VERY MUCH to blame for how subaru ended up. he accepted her contract when he was vulnerable and at his lowest point, and now hes in this horribly toxic dependent relationship with her because shes the only one he can confide in. she helps him plan things, she helps him move things along. shes made him worse all this time, and while she plays a HUGE role in greed if for this reason, subaru continually makes the choice each and every single time to keep going down this path. he can try and turn around at any point, but he doesnt. hes a horrible person now, which i think should always be remembered in general for the vast majority of the ifs. he is a victim and a perpetrator at the same time. hes not innocent anymore—everyone is ultimately stuck under his control in greed if because he’ll just keep abusing rbd until he gets what he wants. no one whos near subaru has any free will here. echidna whispers in subarus ear and subaru chooses to listen to her and make more shit decisions.

is echidna guilty for essentially manipulating subaru into accepting her contract and becoming worse as a result? yes. is subaru guilty for doing all the things he did following accepting the contract? yes. these two things coexist. granted, i would still give echidna more of the responsibility for greed if of course, i just don't want to ignore what subarus been doing either hah.

but basically emilia finding out about all of this gets extremely complicated Very Fast.

to find out the full extent of the shit echidna does to subaru in greed if, emilia would have to know about rbd. and emilia finding out rbd is a whole other complicated subject on its own, but long story short, her guilt complex regarding hurting other people is gonna really FLARE UP. her worst fears have basically been confirmed with the existence of rbd because subaru has chosen time and time again to be involved with her, and being involved with her unfortunately means that he gets caught in the crossfire of ALL the things that keep trying to hurt emilia (which again isnt her fault and she has no control over any of this happening). so theres the double whammy of 1. emilia finds out rbd and 2. emilia finds out about greed if which brings whole other layer to this.

emilia is inevitably going to be horribly horribly guilty and In Despair over rbd. but then theres greed if, which shows echidna taking advantage of subaru for her own greed, subaru growing Worse because of echidna, and greed emilia also growing Worse in addition to everyone else involved in all of this. this is absolutely horrifying on multiple levels. OF COURSE shes also angry and grief stricken on subarus behalf—from her perspective, subaru has gotten hurt because of her and other people Repeatedly. she WILL blame herself for not doing enough (even though again, subaru and the people around them have made their own choices). she'll get angry and upset that subaru has even had to carry a burden like this alone, that hes been hurt so many times, and the fact that emilia herself is at the core of all of this. thats absolutely fucking terrifying. subaru has gone all this way for her. from her perspective—how can she possibly make up for all of this? she cant.

and then it gets even more terrifying because greed if subaru is a dark version of him that takes all his ugly traits and exerts control over everyone around him. hes miserable. hes horrifying. hes quite frankly an eldritch horror masquerading as this smiling mannequin version of natsuki subaru. and if emilias finding out about greed if, she has to find out about this other version of her thats all her worst traits amplified as well—shes a useless doll in the sense that greed if subaru removed emilias choices and did everything for her. hes the new puck to her, and puck was already a terrible parent by also exerting control over emilia in his own ways only to do horrible shit (see: destroying the whole world after she dies) behind her back. you know what that sounds like? subaru. and greed if subaru continues to enable this in emilia—hes responsible for her turning out this way and he continues to take care of her by doing everything for her because he now has this emilia that wants to bend to his every whim and follow everything he tells her to do. thats all she has left. subarus actions caused her to snap in this way because he never gave her a chance to actually flourish on her own. he never tried to help her rather than control her. and its why, in all her instability, she nearly freezes everything around her every time she gets angry and upset (see: her nearly having a breakdown after seeing subaru got hurt because of beatrice). greed if subaru has essentially gotten his "dream girl" in the worst way possible—emilia is now fully and completely dependent on him. she never had the chance to be otherwise.

its so incredibly clear when you read greed if that the moment emilia gets on the throne of lugunica, because she will, because subaru will absolutely make that happen, emilia will become a puppet ruler because shes too mentally unstable now to actually rule. because again, subarus made the choices for her this whole time, and it broke her.

greed if beatrice is also similar because really all subaru did was drag her kicking and screaming out of that burning mansion. yeah, from his perspective, what other choice did he have? he had to save beatrice. and theres no denying that greed if subaru has good intentions, but he has a hard time seeing and treating the others as people. theyre just like dolls that he has to drag around, and then he has this whole list of people that need saving, a whole quota he has to fulfill, so he drags them kicking and screaming along with him instead of talking to them as equals. as people.

greed if subaru is the subaru that keeps abusing rbd and going back in time over and over again, but not once is he actually using it to do something like, i dont know, wholeheartedly try to save beatrice by letting her make the choice to save herself like in canon main route arc 4. instead he just dooms her by never letting her choose and by never even trying to talk her out of it. or maybe he has, but he never understood how to do that in the right way. main route subaru figured it out by fully taking the time to understand her on a deep level and empathize with her. beatrice was the one to make the choice to save herself. greed if subarus had Infinite Tries and he never figured out how to actually save beatrice. mainbaru treated beatrice like her own person. greedbaru treats beatrice, and many other people, INCLUDING HIMSELF, like an object. he doesnt save them because he sincerely loves them, at this point. or maybe he does, but its not in a healthy way because hes just saving them because he has to. its an oligation, not a sincere desire to see them happy and safe and fulfilled in ways thats good for them.

and main emilia, i think, would Absolutely be horrified by herself. and i think shed pity greed emilia, but she'd also be disgusted. greed emilia is everything that emilia has hated about herself. greed emilia is the worst of her personified. but emilia would pity her. greed emilia has zero control over herself, her emotions, her own life. the two most important men in her life—puck and subaru—hurt her so deeply that shes just that far gone. and main emilia would be horrified by greed subaru of course, but i think shed be disgusted by all his manipulation. its sad and pathetic and Terrifying to watch. but of course its complicated.

and i hate the idea that emilia cant handle anything complicated (which tappei continues to push forward because hes fixated on making emilia "stupid" and "pure" and "innocent"), but while i think emilia would struggle to wrap her mind around all of this (because honestly who WOULDNT be struggling to do that with all of this shit aljsdlfjsdf), emilia would try her best. and she'd turn to echidna more because subaru wouldnt have turned out that way without echidnas influence. greed if subaru, after all, is still a victim. an imperfect victim, but still a victim, at the end of the day. but i think emilia would eventually have to reconcile that puck, while he did love her, wasnt the best (AT LEAST more than what she already kinda did in arc 4, because she doesnt know the full extent). he was far from it. he failed her in a lot of ways. hes hurt a lot of people. and emilia would have to know that subaru is capable of doing these horrible things too, but the subaru she knows and loves now is far different. shes sorry that hes had to deal with all of this alone. she'd be deeply sorry for greed if subaru, even. these things have nuances and i fully believe emilia will be able to understand even if it takes her some time to do so (because again—WHO WOULDNT feel complicated feelings about this??).

its like how subaru continually forgives the people around him for things theyve done in other timelines—theyre not the same people in the main timeline now. emilia would recognize that, because she herself is someone who sees the ugliness of the world, someone whos experienced it, and someone who wants to reject it all and try her best to choose kindness and love. and she knows that shes capable of that same ugliness too (see: greed if emilia) (see: her killing pandora numerous times after pandora tore apart her family and home) (see: her doing the arc 3 fallout with subaru) (see: her accidentally hurting others in frozen bonds) (see: her accidentally freezing her people) (see: her lowest points in arc 4). but—isn't that part of being human?

i do think that despite everything, emilia would pity echidna a bit. echidna, who deeply loathes her but is driven to tears over it for Unknown Reasons. of course that wont stop emilia from being disgusted by echidnas actions though.

yeah so anyway tldr: emilia deserves to go absolutely feral because i absolutely think she would go apeshit on echidna if she found out about what echidna did to beatrice and subaru. shes fully capable of it and we've seen her go feral multiple times okay. the moment she finds out about her loved ones being hurt shes gonna be like cradling them gently to her chest and then she turns around and goes feral on whoever hurt them 😭 it is SO over for echidna. (AND GREEDBARU, if emilia had the chance to.)

[gingerlurk]

Lovers' Crest | Chapter 7: The Doubt

Din Djarin x f!Reader

Summary: Fallout comes fast when the Mandalorian fails to keep faith in you.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, slow burn, non-canon (the Razor Crest never gets destroyed, it also gets upgraded with a cabin), canon-typical violence, eventual smut/filth, post season 3, canon-typical violence, they fight (wah), jealous Din. Uhhhh please advise if there's more to add here thank you

A/N: I'll make a master list page or something at some point (update: HERE IT BE). Halp. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, A03. Thank you for reading!

--

‘So, it’s a ship holo.’ If sounding unimpressed could make you float, Mando would be kissing the roof.

‘It is,’ Torre punctuates his words like he’s conducting, ‘ah-no ordinary ship holo. Look.’

Stepping toward the gigantic rendition of a Class H treasury cruiser, you study the layout and details. Long corridors criss-cross either side of a central column, enclosing vault upon vault stacked from hull to rafters. It’s the kind of ship that can only travel at sublight, prioritised as it is to carry as much wealth as possible above the space necessary for a hyperdrive. Well, the wealth plus the armoury bristling with weaponry and a military-trained guard duty. 

You’re trailing your eyes along one of the corridors when you spot it. You give Torre a startled look and focus in closer on the two tiny figures making salutes and bowing.

‘That’s a guard mounting,’ you say. ‘They’re changing shift.’

‘Yyyup.’ Torre shifts around the table and stands beside you, too damn close but you’re distracted. ‘Look there, that’s your quarterdeck patrol unit. They keep to the perimeter.’

You laugh in wonder.

‘What,’ Mando steps forward.

‘It’s live!’ You reach a hand up and twirl the view to the patrol Torre pointed out, pulling in for a closer look. ‘See?’ Seven red-lined holographic figures move in a V; you can even see the rear two figures reaching out and checking whatever’s on the walls.

‘It’s a live fucking feed of what’s happening on this ship right now?’ You turn to Torre. He’s drinking it in.

‘Pretty sweet, right? You would not believe the crew I had to ride with to get a hold on this. Ha, it’s a real story, I’ll tell you all about it, maybe over d—’

Mando interrupts by grabbing your arm and pulling you backward. ‘We need to leave, now!’ He tugs you so hard you stumble a little.

‘Woah. Hey, man, no need to manhandle her,’ Torre says. ‘I know what you’re worried about but trust me, this line has a 100% bonafide, platinum-tier, guaranteed-on-my-mother’s-grave, airtight encryption. No trace. Nothin’.’ He sweeps a hand, whoosh. ‘Wouldn’t have it in here myself if I wasn’t certain.’ 

‘Hey,’ you say, ‘hey, lookit.’ When you’d tripped your eyes had landed on the lowest deck of the ship and you saw it. An energy signature. You suspect you know what it is.

You reach out and pull the spot on the map toward you and Mando, who’s released your arm but still radiates flight or fight reflexes. Maybe flight and fight. But he leans in too when he spots what you’re dragging in on.

The objects are lined with a deep, radiant grey. They sit in a room surrounded by treasures glowing more brightly, but the spot you’re looking at feels infinitely denser, a heavy presence even on the holo. They’re sitting in neat piles on a long bench, dozens of them.

‘There it is,’ Torre says behind you.

‘The beskar.’ Mando straightens and turns squarely on Torre, whose wide grin doesn’t falter. 

He holds hands out, palms up. ‘So, you in?’

Thanks to the depth of intel available on the projection, the plan really isn’t all that complicated. It’s just wildly dangerous and leaves plenty to chance. 

You fidget as Torre explains the steps, looking sidelong every few seconds at the dark and brooding figure beside you. Mando has said nothing beyond demanding more detail, which the wannabe orchestrator of this heist is all too happy to provide.

‘The great news is that this ship is way out there, way on the outer rim,’ Torre is saying. ‘So we won’t have any company to worry about.’

He trails a finger through the flickering image in front of you all. ‘We’ll have to plot a precise path onboard to avoid patrols. It’ll be convoluted and means we’ll have at least eight rounds of airlocks to hack through. Which you’ll handle ably,’ he nudges your knee with his.

‘We program them to open for just a few seconds, then seal shut and go offline, so they can’t be reopened – even remotely – giving us time.’ He drags a corridor in and zeros in on the small room you’d identified earlier. Points at it.

‘We raid the vault, then we head here,’ he shifts his finger to a room full of servers, then spins to a nearby bench and picks up a datalink. ‘Plug in this code I’ve designed.’

You remember Torre’s coding and programming… abilities. Once, when he was in your Uncle’s employ, he’d intercepted and hacked an incoming ship with a rumoured assassin onboard. The ship had jumped to hyperspace, destination an imploding star system. 

You’d heard about that only later though, when it was too late and he was gone. Otherwise you might have tried to learn a thing or two from him.

‘Once this tight little program is running,’ he’s carrying on, ‘the escape pods here will decouple from the system, unlock themselves and become untraceable. We’ll get to a pod, ride a few seconds of freefall and be out of reach. Then we just skip along to a rendezvous. Home free and soaked in riches.’

He sits back, looking smug.

You roll your eyes. ‘Torre…’

‘Hm?’

‘One thing…’

‘Which is?’

‘How do we get on the ship?’ you say, pointing at yourself and making a hopping motion toward the holo.

‘Oh! Well that’s where you come in, isn’t it,’ he says, gesturing a hand up and down Mando. ‘Imaginin’ you have all sorts of tricks up those shiny sleeves to sneak aboard a vessel. S’why I’m even letting you in on this.’

He looks at you and serves up another smirk. ‘Well, and for old time’s sake,’ he grins.

You look at your partner, a little unsettled by his posture – shoulders rigid and fists clenched, like he’s ready to pounce. You lean into his frame of view, try to get his attention, but he seems to be trying to set Torre on fire with his mind.

After a beat. ‘Mando?’ you say.

‘I have a way,’ he says, voice black. ‘It requires a droid though.’

‘Well I’m fresh out. You?’ Torre shrugs.

‘I have a source,’ the brooding figure says. He turns to you, ‘I can drop… him off at the same time.’ You just nod, happy to be keeping Grogu out of this one.

Torre slaps his palms together, showing only excitement and seemingly unaffected by the absolute waves of tension and fury being directed at him.

‘So, it’s settled. You pilot your ship – very capable, I’m certain – to create our ingress. She and I board, navigate on foot while you monitor from the security feeds, which I’ll hack by the way. We take the prize, make our escape and rendezvous. Job’s good!’ He looks between the two of you, smiling wide.

‘Absolutely not!’ Mando barks. You jump at his intensity. It takes you a second longer to register why.

‘Um, no,’ you say. ‘You’re saying you and I go in alone?’

Torre’s smile fades and he thumbs at the holo display. It flickers and disappears. He crosses his arms.

‘Afraid so, sunny,’ he says. Much as you hate having your childhood nickname recalled, him butchering it feels worse. ‘That is non-negotiable.’

You stare at him, incredulous. ‘You can’t be serious?’ 

He drops his arms and waves one over the space where the ship had been hovering moments ago.

‘Look, facts are – we need oversight, we’re already leaving enough to chance. You and I,’ a thumb between your chests, ‘will be fast and quiet.’

You’re gearing up to counter argue – a droid could monitor security, Mando’s stealth would surprise you, you’ve planned this all along haven’t you, you fu— But he stops your thoughts dead. 

‘And, to be honest with you,’ he says, ‘you’re not getting your hands on that stash without my full cooperation.’

The Mandalorian takes a deadly step toward the scheming bastard in front of you, whose hands raise in mock surrender.

‘Wouldn’t do that,’ he says. ‘That ship holo is coded to me specifically. Me alive, I add.’

That doesn’t seem to matter to the towering furnace of hatred bearing down. Time to step in again, it seems.

‘Mando…’ you say carefully. You step around him to face Torre. You don’t have the patience for this. The sooner the job is done, the sooner you can get away from this manipulative and chilling relic of your past. So you stay practical: ‘Is this really the only option?’

Torre just gives you his even, bright-eyed gaze. Its intensity is something you haven’t felt in a long old time and you have to concentrate hard to not break contact. He takes the opportunity to search your face, mouth twisting in an all too familiar hunger.

He doesn’t look away from you but addresses the one you now seem to be shielding him from.

‘What’sa matter, Mando?’ he spits. ‘Don’t you trust her?’

You give him a disgusted look that seems to delight him before pivoting 180, looking up into the sights of the impenetrable T visor.

‘We can do this,’ you say. ‘If this is what it takes?’

Lately, you’ve been able to tell if Mando is looking at you or not. Been able to detect some modicum of silent communication. But right now he’s unreadable. Maybe his eyes are closed? Clenched shut in the furious state of being forced to make a difficult choice. 

Eventually though, you hear a strained exhale and the unmistakable twitch of acquiescence.

‘Very well,’ he murmurs. A slight tilt of the helmet and that’s it. He says no more.

Your bounty partner heads off to deposit Grogu and pick up his sourced droid. He says little before departing, just offers you a clipped ‘watch your back’ and taps a vambrace to your wrist to set your encrypted comms channel, a habit at this point.

It left you with Torre, to sit by the holo to memorise your route through the gigantic treasury ship. It was difficult to concentrate though. One, because you were anxious about Mando’s increasing state of anger and annoyance, and two – Torre would not shut the fuck up.

Reminiscing, sharing stories and – frequently, irritatingly – suggesting getting dinner at a local place that does ‘killer noodles, seriously, they could kill you’. You channel the stony and assured veneer you’d seen on Mando plenty of times now. Waiting patiently as a bounty pleaded, bargained, begged. 

Just let him talk, he’ll tire eventually.

Unfortunately though, this isn’t some random job and the more Torre talks, the more all the shit in your past pushes its way into the forefront of your thoughts.

So you give in, suggest getting the noodles to go. You think food might shut him for a little while. And you argue against eating in because you still needed to be watching the map, even though you’d had the path learned by rote already. Really though, you just don’t want to be anywhere else when Mando gets back.

It does grant a brief respite of quiet, but it doesn’t stop him for long. He slurps up a strand and cocks a look at you.

‘So what was it, huh?’ he asks. ‘What made you forever leave your luscious little life behind and go trekking all over the outer rim kicking ass and taking names?’

‘Hells, Torre. I thought you might remember me in a more flattering light than that,’ you nudge your noodles around the cup. They really were incredibly good, but your appetite was now gone.

‘True, sorry. That world was always too small for you, wasn’t it? But I know you were loyal to it. I learned that the hard way.’ 

Ouch.

You draw a breath. May as well be honest.

‘I did try. But my Uncle… He- he was going to… he was going to sell me,’ you look at Torre and his eyes are hooded, dark. ‘My hand, that is, in marriage. To a fucking monster.’ Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

‘That fucker.’

‘Yeah.’ You laugh. ‘You know what’s funny? He’d paid Mando a not small sum to get me back. When I first heard that I thought… maybe he actually cared. About me.’ You shake your head and put your food down. ‘But the whole time, he’d just had an even bigger endowment on the way.’

‘That’s not really very funny at all.’

‘Yeah,’ you say again. ‘But… I doubt he’ll be making any attempts to find me again. More pressing concerns now. So, I’m done,’ you shrug pathetically. 

Torre reaches out to brush his fingers over your knuckles, bloodless and clenched as they are on your knee. You stare at them, eyes blurred.

Mando picks that moment to stalk in.

He takes in the scene as you stand quickly and wipe at your face, stepping around the table to stare hard at the ship manifest.

‘We are set,’ he all but snarls.

Torre slaps his knees and stands too.

‘Well let’s not burn any more daylight and get into it!’

The hostility cascading off Mando as the three of you board his ship has put you so far on edge you can hardly think straight. It must be the stress of knowing he has to retrieve that beskar, surely. Maybe the riskiness of the plan? Could be.

Or what if he’s just worried about you working alone with Torre? 

It may be all three. But at least you can try to help appease one of those worries right now. Maybe he just needs reassurance you’ll be okay. Remind him you can handle yourself. So, while the Crest navigates toward the warp spot, you make your way up to the cockpit and approach his tense, hackled back. 

He’s situated R5 by the input port. The old droid beeps and rotates, dialled into the instruments. It swivels a sensor to where you hover by your chair. Seems to detect the tension in the air and wheels back to the console, going quiet.

‘I know we agreed we can’t trust Torre,’ you say carefully. His helm twists aside like he’s listening, but he doesn’t turn. ‘And we can’t,’ you add quickly. ‘But I’ll be okay.’ 

A slight rise of shoulders, otherwise nothing. 

‘Trust me,’ you try again. ‘I know how to handle him.’

Mando reacts to that. He scoffs.

‘Yes, you know him very well,’ he grits.

Hang on, what does that mean? Incredulous, kind of affronted, you step back. 

‘Is that what I said?’

‘And I am sure he knows how to handle you too.’

You’re so caught off guard you forget why you even came up here. How could he even think… Like that… He’s giving you his still-as-a-grave stance, waiting for your slip.

‘Hells d’you mean?’ you ask, trying to keep anger and hurt out of your voice. You thought you’d been getting somewhere with him.

‘How did you even know about beskar?’ he snaps, like he’s been waiting to accuse you of something. 

‘What--?’

‘Back in town, at the marshal’s house. You knew it was important. How? You didn’t know a thing about Mandalorians when I met you.’

That sends you back another step. Where is this coming from? You can’t stop the affronted tone from your question.

‘Are you suspicious of me or something?’

Some kind of tide breaks and he finally pivots to glower over you.

‘Amazing coincidence isn’t it?’ he spits. ‘We happen to run into someone from your past with a bounty too good to be true, he knows you, has the perfect plan? Needs exactly what we have? And you’ll just follow him along?’

A rage bubbles up in you and you try to will it down. Swallow, deep breaths. But your best efforts fail. A sudden fury swells between the two of you and you can’t see a way to quell it. 

‘If you’ll remember,’ you say through gritted teeth. ‘I said he was a spy and a schemer. I know what you know. How the fuck can I do any different?’ You wave at his shiny chrome chest plate, furious. ‘I remind you we’re here for you?’

He spins away from you, pretends to adjust dials. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he snarls. ‘I will take the beskar, and you can take whatever riches you can, use it to go back to what you’re used to. The life you had.’

The last word hits you like a blaster to the chest. The floor of the Crest's cockpit opens up and you are in freefall. How… how--? You’d thought he understood you didn’t want that life, told him one of the worst things that had happened to you in that place. You chose to leave them. Chose this life. You’d thought he understood.

‘I didn’t choose that life. I chose this one, I chose y—’

‘But you did choose it.’ He’s so riled up he doesn’t hear you. ‘When I asked you to stay, you told me you had to go back.’

‘Had to, not wanted to!’

He whirls back on you, leans in. ‘Is there really a difference? You would have stayed if not for your family trying to sell you off. I’ve never seen a person more at home in gold and gems and--’

‘That isn’t what I want!’ Your voice rises. ‘How could you think that about me?’

‘How am I supposed to know what you want? You are like an open book sometimes, then you shut yourself up out of nowhere.’

‘Well better a book than a blank fucking wall,’ you may be screaming now. ‘I don’t get to read you at all!’

R5 interrupts the molten fire spitting between you. The Crest is on approach. You just wrench away and march to meet Torre at the hatch, not looking back once but knowing the Mandalorian is going to bring you in to retrieve his treasure anyway.

--

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[oldworldwidgets]

the brotherhood, at least under lyons, was the only faction in fo3 that wanted to help the wastelanders. no one else wanted to do that and i liked that they did.

the way they are towards ghouls is fucked up, but since they have enough goodness in them to care about the wastelanders, i'd like to believe they could change and that could extend to ghouls and such in the future too.

i understand they're evil in other games, but i haven't played those. you guys should learn to be less mean and gatekeep-y. i've played one game and i'm new to the fandom and in the one game i played, they were the closest thing to good guys.

you shouldn't be so gatekeep-y just because some of us are new to the series.

girl literally no one is being gatekeep-y because you're "new to the series." no one is yelling At You for kinda thinking the lyons pride is cool in your own brain. you came here onto god's internet, saw a post that said "the fascist regimes in fallout are fascist, actually!" and decided to insult the op directly when he, instead, was making a general statement about disliking fascists. you were experiencing this cognitive dissonance of "hey! i like the BoS but I'M not fascist!!" and decided to yell at SOMEONE ELSE about it rather than just do some critical thinking.

what i meant by my comment on his post was that i find it very, very difficult to like even the lyons pride because all they do in 3 is cause problems. they "want" to help the wastelanders sure but all they do is start conflict in the area and leave ashes in their wake. the capital wasteland simply doesnt need them. they "want" to help wastelanders but there are slim examples of them actually doing it. instead, all you see them do is hunting all super mutants with no regard for sentience, hoarding pre-war tech, keeping wastelanders OUT of their cushy home in the citadel, and shooting at ghouls just for existing. straight up the only positive thing i see about the lyons pride is that sometimes, when they shoot at ghouls just hanging out outside of THEIR OWN HOME (the underworld) they SOMETIMES "have the decency to miss."

all of this information was gleaned by me just. playing the game and critically thinking about it. it was the only fallout game i played for a Long Time because when i played it, 4 and nv didnt even exist! and i still didnt like the BoS! so you can anonymously come in quinn's and my asks and holler like a hit dog, claiming we're gatekeeping something for calling fascists dorks, but truly it's not our fault you cant see the destruction the BoS caused in the capital wasteland solely in the name of imperialism. and if you're willing to look past allllll of that just because they have cool armor and lie about being the wasteland's white knights, well, you're a dork.

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry to message but i just wanted to yell because I saw a post and yOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF FALLOUT FROM THE FADE ???? oh my goodness it’s my favourite fic ive read it SO many times.

i left a comment on ao3 last night because i finished reading it again and i just genuinely hope one day you finish it (i understand you have much going on i am just greedy).

but yes thank you so much for creating it, fenris and hawke are everything to me and this fic is my canon no matter what happens in veilguard. 💜

hahaha HELLO yes that is indeed I... I guess i do owe a little bit of an explanation here since its been uh... like 4 years since I last updated, yeah :| But it still makes me so happy that even after so long people still enjoy my little pile of suffering and yearning!

I don't know how many people who used to follow it are still on tumblr (I think a lot of people i used to write with/who would comment have deleted their tumblrs and AO3 accounts in the intervening years alas) but i do I owe anyone remaining a little context I guess lol. Long story made short is like very shortly after my last update i got broken up with unexpectedly from my 4 year relationship, and went into a bit of a spiral about it. I didn't fully stop writing at this point (though I think nothing I wrote in that like... year or more ended up posted anywhere), but I did realize that when I went to work on my ongoing stuff I was in a place where I was like... only wanting to write about anger/losing relationships rather than healing ones. And that part of me wanted to change some of the things I had planned for the following parts and ending of Fallout From the Fade. And so I decided to take a step back from it for a while to see if I actually wanted to make those changes when I was less bitter or if I wanted to follow my original plan.

And that took me about a year, emotionally. However by then I had actually left my prior job (where I spent a lot of time hiking/camping in the wilderness of Utah with no internet, and I used that time for writing), and started graduate school courses. Aaaannnd grad school has been slowly eating my life since. I've only posted I think one other fanfic since then, and it was a very short prose-poem one shot. Another contributing factor was my gaming tech was too old to actually play Trespasser when it came out, and by the time I got a laptop that could handle it, I had to replay the whole game but I was working full time, etc... and i felt really disconnected from the DA fandom since I couldn't read all the new fic/understand all the lore deep dive posts/experience it with everyone else simultaneously. Oh yeah and I work a second job as a professional mermaid in varying degrees of intensity depending on the season/oportunties available haha.

All that being said. I actually have written more of FFtF in the last 2 years. But like I said in the other post I made kinda recently, the long gaps between my later updates (vs the ones I was doing way more regularly in 2016-2018) had me rethink the approach I was using to write and post it, which was a chapter at a time. It felt like stringing people along in kind of a mean way to dump a chapter and then vanish for another year, and I knew I couldn't promise consistency while doing a masters/PhD program. So I've been kind of fiddling away at it slowly still, both actual writing of following chapters, and some substantial firming up/drafting sections in my outline to get to the eventual ending and ensure it's more cohesive than a lot of my slapdash chapters. But! Idk! I do also def work slower without the fun of having an audience, and miss that. and I never actually asked of the people who are left and still wanna read more of it, if they'd rather just get a chapter every 6 months or so as I scrounge it out. If you are one of those people and have an opinion def let me know.

I will say, the imminent presence of Veilguard does have me more inspired and creative again, and some of that has been going to Fallout. Especially since I'm no longer watching the videos/gameplay bioware is putting out since they have SOOO many spoilers and I wanna go into the game at least semi blind, so my creative energy has to go towards my personal stuff rather than joining everyone else in speculation and hype now. I'm definitely not promising I will have it close to finished by October when Veilguard releases, because I'm still in grad school and the next months are busy for me in terms of mermaid work too, but I am hoping I can make some good chunks of progress between now and then. But then if I say that and can't follow through after all I also don't wanna let people down.

Anyway yeah, it's sort of a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I'm still rotating Hawke and Fenris and this fic in my mind even these years later... which for me is honestly pretty normal. I mean I have whole original novels/worldbuilding ideas/etc that I've worked on for 10-15 years in my own time haha, I've been writing fiction for fun since I was like 10, so I think I also just think of stories/writing across a bigger timeline than people who start writing with fanfiction (which is MUCH faster paced) than original fiction. The difference of course is no one sees my original stuff so there's no one to care if i take 2 years between chunks of progress. SO I guess what I am trying to say is, yes definitely it is not abandoned, I am plodding away at it bit by bit, I also hope I can finish it one day!!!! that is within this decade i hope! whether or not anyone else is left to read it but me haha

[carriehobbs]

I saw you tagged Ellery Wiseman on that poem and am dropping into your inbox to ask for anything you'd like to share about your Button!! (Do you have more than one? Who do they romance? How is their relationship with Nick?) -wayhavenots

omg pd tysm for asking!! 💕💕 there is absolutely nothing in the world i love more than having an excuse to talk about my ocs

i (with some rare exceptions) am the kind of if player that makes a new oc for every romance route i play, so i actually have 5 buttons 🫣 (technically 6, rip elliot wiseman who was from my very first mind blind playthrough, when i just wanted to see if i liked the game. you were very depressed and never became a fully-realized button, but your sacrifice is remembered and your name is retired out of respect). i have a page with very, very brief details on my buttons (and also my detectives for wayhaven) and links to their tags here, but if you use tumblr mobile you've probably never had the opportunity to see it.

this got so very, very long, so the rest is under the cut

my 5 buttons are: ella, ellie, elle, ellis, and ellery (can you guess what naming convention i lifted from the game's default names? lol). what's universally true for all 5 of them (though with some nuance, they all have slightly different feelings about their relationships) is that they're as close as they can be with their parents (because i like john and hope as characters and i find "i really love these people but our relationship became incredibly complicated and we now have to find ways to reconcile our disappointment/anger/etc. with our love for them" to be really compelling. i love mess) and with nick (because i'm a middle child and i accidentally projected my feelings about my siblings (and especially my older sister) onto the button&nick relationship. i physically can't be mean to nick because i cried for about 45 minutes the first time i read the end of chapter 3/chapter 4 and for the first time really considered my sister's mortality, and that changes you).

for a (not really that brief, whoops) rundown of my buttons' whole deals:

ella: equally humorous and confident, very high insightful stat, romancing ambrose. she's independent, intelligent, ambitious, loyal, great at compartmentalizing, and, quite frankly, arrogant. she can be really abrasive sometimes (while she can be a kind and compassionate person, most people don't get to see that side of her and so she can come off as really rather unpleasant - think that know-it-all kid in your class that everyone kind of hates). ella naturally is rather funny/confident/intelligent/etc., but i think, after the incident with hope, she ended up amplifying these inherent traits of hers and making them into a sort of armour that keeps her safe, but also isolates her. i think she's afraid of showing weakness and i think she feels this subconscious need to prove to everyone (including herself) that she's capable. her relationship with nick is the worst out of all of my buttons (but is still incredibly high, think 160/170-ish approval), mainly because she and nick clash the most. she's very independent and knows what she wants and will pursue it (even if it's a boyfriend her brother doesn't like or a career her parents don't want for her) no matter what anyone else thinks, and nick can be a little hover-y (though this improves over the events of the game). she does really love nick (and does actually care about his approval, even if it won't stop her from doing things she knows he won't like), even if she finds him kind of annoying sometimes. she views the incident with hope as a horrible accident that wasn't anyone's fault, and i think she sees better than my other buttons how everyone in the family was affected by the fallout. fun fact: several years post-game, she and ambrose have identical twin girls (ella jokes that she wanted two kids so she and ambrose had twins because "we're efficient". they have girls because ambrose is a girl dad. i am not accepting notes) that share a birthday with nick (because i need ambrose to be forced to participate in a large yearly party that at least partially involves celebrating nick. do you know how many years nick rented a bouncy castle and then proceeded to bounce on the bouncy castle with the girls? it's every year until they decided they're too cool for it. nick's heart broke that day)

eleanor/ellie: more humorous than confident (with confident stat increasing through the game), but has a decent morbid stat too, very high insightful stat, romancing grayson. ellie fulfills my need in every if game/rpg i play to have at least one character who is so, so nice to everyone (my detective alina fulfills this need in wayhaven). she's kind, considerate, forgiving, has a strong sense of morals (except at work, where she's very expedient), and tends to blame herself when things go wrong. she really feels just unbearably guilty about most things: the incident with hope (if she'd acted differently, if she'd been different, etc., maybe it wouldn't have happened), nick's accident in chapter 3, nick having to take care of her through high school... she really struggled after the incident with hope because she needed nick and depended on him so much, but then hated herself for how much she needed him and feeling like she ruined his life (she did project this onto gray when he started hanging around, which is why she didn't like him at first, but over time she realized it wasn't his fault and moved on. and then she got goopy feelings for him). she's not blind to nick's faults, but she adores him (200 approval easily). i think a lot of her growth over the course of the game comes from learning to trust herself and to believe in herself. fun fact: she once made a joke to gray after they started dating (in front of nick and sally too 😬) without thinking about how there'd be "no kids or dog until we have a house". it was way too early in the relationship to be making a joke about having kids or a house. they didn't even live together yet. she's still a little mortified that she said that

elle: confident, very high insightful stat, romancing kent. i love elle because she's kind of relentlessly forward-thinking. she doesn't really dwell on the past except to figure out how to improve the future. she believes strongly that it's what someone does that matters. she's my button who's the most interested in trying to get herself into the npo program. like ella, i think she views the incident with hope as a horrible accident that isn't really anyone's fault, and i think she really makes an effort not to dwell on it or assign blame for what happened. she also has terminal foot-in-mouth disease (talking about bondage with kent in front of your brother, best friend, and instructor after revealing that you'll probably get tortured together, anyone?), which is the bane of her existence. while i think all my buttons struggled with some agoraphobia post-the incident with hope, i think elle really struggled with it: she loves dogs and used to volunteer at an animal shelter, but had to stop because she couldn't handle being outside of her home without sally or nick (she could go to school if she spent the entire day with sally, and then would go straight home) and it took several months for her to feel like she could go places without one or both of them again. once she was able to leave her home independently, she started volunteering at the animal shelter again, and is still there. fun fact: post-game and further into their relationship, she ends up accidentally moving in with kent. it starts by just spending a lot of time at his place because it's so close to nick's (i think a lot of her and kent's dates just involve hanging out together), then more and more of her stuff migrates over, until one day she realizes she's been there for two weeks and all of her clothes are in kent's laundry. she formally moves in after that. she's also my button who's most likely to elope!

ellis: humorous-morbid (slightly more morbid than humorous), tentatively more innovative than insightful (i keep swapping the stats), romancing sally. he's "just some guy" (affectionate) to me, if "just some guy" had gallows' humour. he's been kind of desperately in love with sally since he was 13 and figured out what love was. ellis is the kind of person who looks fine on the surface but really isn't. whereas elle doesn't dwell on the incident with hope because she wants to move forward with her life and not have this one event define her, ellis doesn't dwell on it because doing so will wreck him. he was the closest with hope growing up, since they shared a sense of humour and he felt that she really understood him, and it profoundly hurt when she started to pull away as he got older. he trusted her more than anyone growing up and it hurts a lot now to think about how the people he relies on most now are nick and sally instead. he's not as forward about the guilt he feels and how it affects him as ellie or ellery are, but it's still there. he's also very close with nick and really admires him: nick is ellis's model for what it means to "be a man" (more so than john, but i don't think ellis is really aware of this). ellis also views gray as a sort of quasi-older brother figure and is actually more likely to ask gray for relationship or life advice than nick (mainly because he'd feel a little awkward talking to nick about stuff like relationship advice - also look at nick's relationship track record, gray's probably the safer bet). fun fact: ellis is either the same height as nick or one inch shorter than nick (i can never remember), so if they're out together and the topic of height comes up, he tells people that he's at least two inches shorter than he actually is. this is because nick will lie about his height to make himself taller if given the chance, so ellis gets there first and forces nick to be 5ft9 for an evening (nick hates this).

ellery: humorous, higher insightful stat than interpersonal stat, romancing (m!)glitch. she's such a smartass. she's all jokes and has a quip ready for any situation, but, like ella, i think these are inherent characteristics of hers that get amplified as a defense mechanism. i think it's in chapter 1 of the demo that there's the line that says it's better to have people laughing with you than at you, and that really fits ellery. ellery blames herself for really everything to do with hope and nick, but if she brushes it off with a joke she can pretend to be fine (she's incredibly not - her guilt defines a lot of her relationships with other people and how she views herself). she's also incredibly devoted to her family (to the point where she can't listen to someone criticize them professionally because like. that's her dad. this sometimes causes issues in her and glitch's relationship, because glitch is unafraid to criticize unity when appropriate, but they figure out how to manage it over time). speaking of glitch: she is such a loverrrrrrr 💕💕💕 they really are intolerable together because they're that couple that's just all over each other. everyone around them hopes they'll tone it down after the honeymoon stage ends but they do not 💕 i imagine them moving in together incredibly quickly too. i don't know the exact timeline of the game so far, but even this early on, ellery knows that he's it for her. ellery makes me think the most about what it would actually be like to not only grow up with people who are able to hear your every thought but to never live with someone who can't read your mind. i always imagine ellery as being very comfortable communicating telepathically when she chooses to (she almost got held back from preschool because she didn't speak until she was 3/4 - not because she had speech or language delays, but because why would she speak out loud when she could communicate telepathically? eventually telepathic communication had to be (temporarily) banned in the house to get ellery to speak verbally, and once she did the ban was lifted). telepathic communication also means an entirely different way of communicating between people: visual jokes, jokes where the comedy isn't in the punchline but in the way the joke is constructed before it's been told, being able to rely on the person you're talking to picking up subtleties from your thoughts if you're having trouble expressing yourself in words, etc. and glitch is the first person she's ever lived with who can't read her mind (sometimes she'll be in another room half way through a conversation with glitch in her head and she'll ask him for his opinion on something she thought, only for him to have to remind her that he cannot hear her. luckily glitch finds this funny when it happens and lightly ribs her about it). she gets incredibly frustrated with herself sometimes because she doesn't know how to explain to him how much he means to her or how much she loves him. she tries, but she never feels like it really encompasses the depth of the feeling (it's the one time she wishes he was a ment, so he could hear it). fun fact: about a year into their relationship, ellery wrote glitch a really bad love poem to try and express her feelings for glitch in a way that's meaningful to him. glitch loved it and insisted that it was beautiful, but she thinks it's amateur and is kind of embarrassed about it because he quotes actual love poetry to her all the time. this poem does actually exist because i wrote it to try and get in her head space and figure out what she'd say, and it's mid at best (i am not a poet)

[papakhan]

@lynettethemadscientist replied to your post “Oh actually I think if you only play fallout 4 and...”:

Oh is this about me? I just only played Fallout 4 so far. I’m new to the Fallout series. Are people in fandoms not allowed to enter discourse until they’ve consumed every piece of relevant media?

​I didn’t want to make this its own post but I’ve written so much I kind of have to. I've turned off reblogs but feel free to add to this in my replies.

You put up a sign saying "I don't think raiders can be humanised, change my mind" and then argued with people who tried to have discussions with you. All 3 of the people who tried to engage in a discourse with you gave up and I can see why. You're ignoring their points and talking as if these characters in a video game have agency and are choosing to “dehumaniz(e) themselves” when they don't, they are lines of code written by somebody else with their own preconceived biases. What people are asking you to do when humanising raiders is to think outside of the mechanics of a video game and think about their nuances. What led them to this way of life? What do they think of it? Do they wanna get out or are they happy as they are? Forget yourself as the player character ready and willing to blast their brains out for a second and just think of them as people.

Here's the thing, I like Raiders. That doesn't mean I think everything they do is justified, but I like to think about how they justify themselves, which is something the og Fallout and Fallout New Vegas are very good at. Fo1 and FoNV's raiders are defined and their actions and rationale make sense and even if you don't personally agree you can still understand how and why they came to those conclusions. Fallout 4 and Fallout 3 are some of the worst games when it comes to talking about character justifications, including both raiders and normal wastelanders (and your companions!) Nobody in-game can explain why they're still living in the same bombed-out crumbling building full of skeletons because the writers don't care, they just want their wasteland setting and don't want to think about anything else. You coming in to complain about how "I have yet to see any backstories for the settlers" and how the prewar skeletons and raiders typing in terminals are stealing all the limelight with their "sob stories" when you've only played 1 game out of 6-8 is just silly. I promise you the other games are full of settler stories, it's just the game that you're playing and using as your source doesn't really bother with it.

I also don't have a problem with you only just getting into the series. I promise you that I'm NOT trying to gatekeep or anything like that, Fallout is a great series with a lot of stuff I'm sure you'll enjoy. However what you need to understand is that a lot of the games, especially Fo1 and FoNV are very politically heavy games and unfortunately you cannot engage in discourse with them without stepping on some people's political sensibilities. You acting like there's a hardline between right and wrong and stealing, dealing/doing drugs, and being in gangs are objectively evil things to do just comes across as you showing your ass regarding how you feel about actual real-life poor people who are right now in jail for doing those things just to survive. I don't know if those are actually your beliefs but that's just the nature of publically discussing these topics. Good and Bad, and Right and Wrong are very contentious topics and again you acting like the only thing that makes us human is being able to "*choose* right over wrong" and saying "An important aspect of humanity is self-control" is a bad look. Are you saying that people with self-control issues aren't human? Because that's how you come across.

I wanna finish this by saying I'm not mad at you. I didn't wanna pick a fight with you, hence why I made a vague-post instead of replying directly. I'll be honest with you I made that post because I saw your replies and was very disheartened and disappointed, maybe I shouldn't have made a post when I was emotional and for that I'll say that I'm sorry. However, the reason why I've taken time out of my day to write this huge reply is because I love Fallout and I want people to be able to enjoy it and have as much fun with it as I do, so I want you to understand what other people were trying to explain to you and why it might have felt like the discussions weren't going anywhere.

I encourage you to have discussions about this game and think about it as deeply as you want but you do need to be mindful about what it is you're discussing. This game has plenty to dissect but unfortunately, classism and racism are some of the things hard-baked into a lot of the lore by the nature of how old it is and who some of the writers/devs are. Of course I don't think you're those things, but it's important to me that you know where this comes from, why it's so important to be critical of the media you consume AND why so many people are critical of Fallout's writing especially when it comes to the Raiders. This isn't a You thing, I don't have a problem with you, it's just the writing choices that you're choosing to defend.

[ashes-acedia]

HEYO! For the fandom ask! Either BG or Fallout!

hell yeah!! okay disclaimer... i've only played bg3. and i need to replay fallouts plural-- so i'm a bit rusty on that front.

bg3:

1. The first character I first fell in love with

i saw a clip of astarion's meltdown after being exploded at rosymorn... i was absolutely Enchanted by his screeching so i bought the game.

2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now

the conglomerate of tiefling babies you meet at the grove and follow throughout the game. that funky little gaggle owns my heart. mattis swindling your sorry ass. silfy crying!!! mirkon writing you a fucking story?! ide? umi?! DONI?! precious queen mol!?!?

i wish tav could invite them to live at camp. the children need to be housed, dammit!!

@lariannnn let eleanor have her wretched little brood. mol and astarion would be devastating. 🖤

3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t

okay... i might have to go into hiding after this... but... halsin? it's not that i don't like him. i do. but i like him most when orin is posing as him... whew. my love for gale probably makes this hypocritical*-- he just comes on too heavy, like bro i've never once hinted at flirting with you 🥲 i'msosorrytothehalsinstans

*without a doubt i have chosen the flirty dialog with gale, so jot that down

4. The character I love that everyone else hates

trying to rack my brain-- i stay on the fringes of fandom nowadays, so i don't really know this stuff-- UHH he's an asshole but i really enjoy ketheric as a character? his whole backstory with the curse. the battle with him and myrkul is always a good time. and myrkul looks fucking sick. so does ketheric's armor. necromancy. ✨

(but please rot forever for hurting isobel and aylin)

oh and ORIN... since apparently people don't like her. i support women's rights and wrongs.

5. The character I used to love but don’t any longer

honestly? i don't have one. i feel like my brain has the faves on rotation. but nothing's changed much.

6. The character I would totally smooch

gale or wyllym. unless we're talking domesticated astarion... in that case, well

7. The character I’d want to be like

probably jaheira or karlach.

jaheira with her wit and wisdom. when i get older, or even now, i'd like to be that person. come here sweet babies, let this old lady learn you something.

karlach because she's so excited for life. she has no reservations about who she is. i want to be that jazzed about life and not care what other people think, even if it ruffles feathers.

8. The character I’d slap

mizora. a good openhanded slap.

you know what! raphael too. what a bastard. kick him right in the balls. full force.

i say all this with affection and disrespect. 🖤

9. A pairing that I love

i'm gonna list so many... astarion/gale, wyll/karlach, shart/lae'zel, karlach/gale, jaheira/minsc, aylin/isobel, astarion/karlach, alfira/lakrissa, karlach/dammon, wyll/astarion, and now that i thought about rolan/gale it's a real neat concept...

i always thought that halsin and art would be cute.... but.... sad.

i'd like to put each character and minthara under a microscope if that counts for anything.

10. A pairing that I despise

idk, man. you do you... but if i have to say one, mystra/gale. she groomed him. she's gross. in this house we hate mystra.

uhh i'm just gonna... make... another post for fallout. i've rambled way!! too!! much!!

[tea-earl-grey]

the set up for season 2 is SO STRONG and theres a lot of potential and then the season just kind of. fizzles out.#i think the character problems are most evident with Seven imo but it follows with everyone else#that everyone is given like. one or two character traits in the last few episodes#i feel like if the season went for more of a direct time travel plot without the soong side plot and childhood flashbacks we could yknow#actually write the characters well#there are good moments it just. irks me.

See. This is why having two showrunners with different plans for the season and anthology style series DOESN’T work.

Terry Matalas worked on the first 4 episodes of Picard season 2, before he was told to split off and start working on season 3 and then Akiva Goldsman, who has different sensibilities than Terry took over, and quite frankly, I’m not really a fan of Akiva’s storytelling style.

Time travel is Terry’s thing — its how he built 12 Monkeys, going back to move forward is one of the important themes from his previous show.

Also, 10 episodes is not enough for the kind of plot they wanted to do, with the number of characters.

Plus, I’m disappointed after episode 3, Seven barely interacted with the Borg Queen.

The Borg Queen who is particularly possessive of Seven, in any reality. Just… doesn’t do anything with Seven until the penultimate episode.

Imagine if they at least had 13-14 episodes what they have time to do and explore with the characters!

continuing from this post

oh that's interesting! i didn't know Matalas worked as showrunner on the first few episodes of s2 but in retrospect it makes a lot of sense. i do still enjoy season two but yikes it really feels like it was four stories Frankensteined into one season and it makes sense that there wasn't a single showrunner. and yeah i've said it before too but i also just really hope that future Trek shows fade out the anthology season model because it just does not work to create a consistent audience when the characters and tone keep changing (and judging by snw they're thankfully taking the more episodic path). serialization can work well you just have to be confident about where you're going because usually the endings just get convoluted (Discovery also has a big problem with this imo). i also now have a suspicion that since the two seasons were being written at the same time that the reason why Agnes, Soji, Rios, and Agnes/Borgurati weren't in s3 (which is my main criticism of the season) is that none of the writers knew exactly where those characters would end s2. which. hm. i get that the pandemic work was rough but sometimes forward planning is important.

i would have loved a s2 of Picard that:

cemented where the characters were a little bit more in the beginning and deal with the fallout of s1 and implications for the world at large especially following up with Soji a bit since that was her only (and possibly last) episode.

spent another episode in the Confederation universe! evil universes are so much fun and i think can unravel a lot of characters' fears and insecurities by having them see the worst versions of themselves and we really only saw pieces of that with Seven & Picard, not Raffi, Rios, Agnes, & Elnor

have Elnor stay alive for the 2024 episodes! i get that Raffi's guilt around Elnor dying was her big s2 character arc but exploring the way she manipulated him into Starfleet and kept being overprotective of him could have been equally well explored if he was alive. he also could have added a bit of needed lightness to the season and we would have another classic 'Vulcan/Romulan has to disguise themself in present day by wearing a silly hat' moment

cut the whole Soong plot. sorry. i was just not a fan and it took so much time away from the actual main characters.

also without the Soong plot, the Renee plot would have been simplified a bit and left room for slower character scenes instead of just action-action-action

i did like Rios's story (and the way the season grappled with modern politics) but him staying in the past... eh sorry i just don't really see it and i think 'staying behind and leaving my friends for true love!' is a pretty tired trope even if Teresa is very cool.

the Agnes/Borg Queen story is VERY tasty and the concept of there being an ethical(ish) Borg Collective out there is really good but as you said... it really felt like Seven should have been a more active participant in that. her and Agnes could have made great foils of Agnes slowly being drawn in to the Queen's influence while Seven for the first time in her life is free of her. maybe just spending more time building up the Borg Queen as a threat (and without Soong, the main threat) of the season would have been better.

i mean also the complaint that started this conversation with the idea of Seven's arc being really good but then just not being executed all that well specifically wrt how her implants were written out and then written back in and her just never using her science skills.

i do like the vibes of having Picard confront his childhood trauma and explore the reasons why he has difficulty connecting with people but i'm just not convinced by the execution and i still don't exactly understand why Tallinn had to be there (and why she had to look like Laris? thinking about it i'm imagining that she might have been the Confederation universe's version of Laris who joined the Time Lords Travelers but it still doesn't really make sense and it's not really discussed in the text)

we might very well get something exploring this but i would like to know why the Q are dying. it didn't bother me as much as it bothered others but it would have been nice to get something more.

oh no i didn't realize how long this got. sorry you did not ask for my fix-it of s2 but once i got thinking... alas Picard has a great combination of good ideas, great characters, and less than great execution that makes my brain tick.

[makkuromurasaki]

Last Lines Tag

Tagged by the awesome and crazy talented @badastronaut277

Rules: Write the latest line from each of your wips (or post where you last left off in your art) and tag as many people as there are wips you are working on.

First of all, I'm not a writer. Second of all, I, unlike many other artists, have the bad habit of starting a piece and then keeping in purgatory for years until I decide I need to finish it or else.

Here's my WIPs gallery:

I. Sketched my current Fallout 4 character, new OC named Valerie! I'm playing Sim Settlements 2 with her and ignoring most main quests from the game :D this is one is very recent - from the last week

II. Still working on this Hancock piece 84 years later, I think we're finally getting somehwere ??? Spent ages doing the couch lol

III. Another Hancock piece I started ages ago and hated, I don't hate it anymore but it's still stuck in purgatory

IV. Started doing this for my fallout OC Bedelia and her journey from pre-war lawyer, to fresh out of the vault, to General of the Minutemen, and there will be a 4th one of her post-main quest. This piece started from how her hair changes colors, from black during pre-war, to white with black roots thanks to being in cryo when emerging from the vault, to dying it dark blue as the General and the final one would be kind of a dark purple hair dye. This is also stuck in purgatory

V. This is re-draw of a scene from a movie that I really liked (Bright Star) but with Bedelia and Hancock. Stuck in purgatory cause there's something bugging me off about it but I can't figure out what, also all my tries to color this destroyed me

VI. Unfinished sketches of my ghoul OC Mauve (these are basically redrawings of scenes from the movie The Dressmaker - she's just ghoulified Kate Winslet from the movie at this point lol)

VII. Unifinished drawing of a group of femme fatale ghoulettes called The Vixens, this idea is a collaboration with one of my best friends irl, stuck in purgatory weee

VIII. This was a piece I started for Yeehawgust for the Meowdy prompt, never got to finish it

IX. Unfinished drawing of a burned car I saw where I live + mashed with Fallout 76 scenery, stuck in purgatory too

sheesh that's a whole bunch of WIPs :( most of them were started last year or 2 years ago and I never had time to finish them

I'll tag @fuzzyizmit, @atomitron, @pumpkinov, @boarix, @khazrablood, @digonshaikha, @purkinje-effect, @fanthings

as usual, don't feel obligated to do this! if you don't wanna be tagged send me a DM and I'll remove it

[lyriumsings]

Besties and Lyrics for Octavia please, if you'd like! ~ @whowhatifs

Thank you for the ask!!

Besties: What’s their friendship with Rowan like? What are some things only he knows about them?

I think Octavia’s friendship with Rowan has actually changed a lot over the years. In the earlier days (pre Seven breakup lol) I think it was…shallower? For lack of a better term. Still very close and tight knit but very typical annoying sibling type dynamic. They very much saw Rowan as more of “Seven’s best guy friend”, as in Rowan felt slightly more like Seven’s friend than theirs sometimes. (Also this is just Octavia’s perception of their friendship I headcanon that Octavia is actually quite close with all of the band they just kind of underestimate how much people care about them to be honest.)

Now, after the breakup I think they got a lot closer. That’s when it kind of clicked for her how much Rowan (and everyone) valued their friendship. I would say Octavia got especially close to Rowan just because of how close they both were to Seven. And complains to Iris and Devyn felt like raining on their parade somehow?? They ended up having lots of serious talks about things they never had before and just really mourned that loss of friendship together. And not going to lie the idea of Octavia x Rowan as a full on romance given enough time would not be out of the question; BUT that being said I don’t think Octavia would ever be able to honestly say whether or not Rowan was a….second choice. If Octavia ever had to directly confront the fallout of that between them, Seven, and Rowan,,,,the guilt oof.

There is actually quite a few things that the band + Orion specifically know that Seven doesn’t know both because Octavia hadn’t told Seven yet when they were speaking and didn’t get to because they weren’t. But specifically Rowan? Rowan knows exactly what happened the night Octavia left their parents home for good (it was not good). And he knows more of the ins and outs of Octavia’s relationship with their last partner, Dean, who they dated on and off for about 8 months in the second year post Seven split. This was also very not good, without getting too into detail both involved “varying degrees” of domestic violence both physical and emotional.

Outside of like that lmao Rowan is actually the only other person outside of Seven allowed to look at their song book. He is the only person at all that’s seen their very, very messy lyrics about Seven post break up and some particularly sad ones about their mental health and their Aunt Lydia (who she was very close to and passed when they were a teen) Octavia is not really built to be alone, so after Seven it felt very natural that that void be filled on a friendship level. Obviously, nobody is replaceable but at the same time life goes on and people need people. Especially Octavia. They have a need for outside input and someone to bounce their thoughts off of and share their feelings to.

Lyrics: What are some songs you associate with your character? Any specific lyrics that really scream your character?

Since this is already so long lemme link their spotify playlist fksjdjd all of these songs are VERY Octavia and I headcanon them as canon songs for her and the band. But top five incase you don’t wanna listen to this mammoth of a playlist i keep adding to is:

1. Lonesome and Mad by Under the Rug

“I feel like I wanna go home but I am home.” On sooooo many levels.

2. Gilded Lily by Cults “Always the fool with the slowest heart”

3. Cigarettes and Feelings by The Haunt “i always fall for the things that will hurt me” Homegirl wouldn’t know a red flag if it announced itself and red is their favorite color anyway so baby what it do lmaoooo

4. Vices by Mothica honestly just the whole song tbh djsjd

5. Panic Attack by Liza Anne “I never learned to pull myself Out of my own damn head Shoulders caved in to protect All of my insides from falling out”

[aquaburst3]

I saw a post where OP rambled about how they wished that there are more fics with the OB feeling guilty and Yuu not forgiving them. To be honest, I feel split about this...

On one hand, I totally agree. I think the OB should've suffered more consequences for their actions. While they all have a lot of trauma, that doesn't excuse what they did. A lot of them did some very fucked up things for them to just get a slap on the wrist and everyone immediately brushes it off like it's nothing. That's just not realistic and is straight up bad writing. (Hell, changing things around so that they are punished more and have an actual fallout is one of my goals in my own fix-it fics.)

On the other hand, I think they're over exaggerating the effect their actions would realistically have on the player. In a lot of the cases, the OB actions affect the characters around them and not Yuu. Yuu is a passive observer most of the time, acting as a camera lense to view the madness more than a fleshed out character. (Which is another huge issues in the game that I'm also trying to fix in my writing, but that's besides the point.)

The only times that I can recall where their actions directly affected the player are in Book 1 (when Riddle insult's the player's family), Book 3 (when Azul does the dorm shit), and Book 4 (Jamil taking the player hostage/yeeting them into the desert). The rest of the time they hurt the other characters more like when Leona almost Thanos Snaps Ruggie or Vil poisoning Neige. Book 1 Riddle gets a dose of instant karma when Ace punches him in the face after he does that, so that only leaves those other two times. Hell, Vil does apologize in Book 6 and tries to make it up to the player by sacrificing his share of money, which I think is a reasonable penitence for how he affected Yuu directly. And it's more than what I can say for a lot of the others. (Looking at you Leona and Jamil.) Though, I wish that Vil apologized to Deuce after he insulted him. While I understand he was emotional and spouting out some of his personal baggage, that was uncalled for.

I don't think Neige is an innocent snowflake like OP claims either. He's a lot like Kalim. He's kind and well meaning, but he's also selfish, inconsiderate and not exactly the brightest. He slapped a half assed terrible routine to a top tier music competition and put only his buddies on it, slamming the door on many others from that school with actual talent. Hell, Vil is the one who lines up with Snow White personality wise and not Neige, since he values hard work and genuinely wants to help out others become their best selves while Neige pulls...that. Does that make Vil poisoning him justified? God, no. Vil was way out of line. But, I can understand where Vil was coming from a little bit, even if him deciding to poison Neige was rushed and over the top. He felt like he was screwed over by Neige for years, and him doing that and being praised for it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Same goes for Jamil towards Kalim. The less I say about Rollo and how the game handled him, the better.

Over all, have some differing views, but I think we can both agree that the boy's should've suffered more consequences for their actions in general and that Ace is a good friend for standing up for Yuu so often after Book 1. Though, obviously, OP is entitled their own opinion.

Edit: Don't get it twisted. There are some legit reasons why Yuu might be traumatized or highly stressed out by at the very least from having multiple near death experiences to being forced to live in a rundown shithole. These should be examined more both in canon and in fics. What I am getting is that saying that Yuu would be a traumatized wreck from how the OB squad's actions affected them specifically seems like a stretch to me, since they hardly ever went after them specifically outside of a few instances out of the whole game so far.

[softlyapocalytpic]

Steelheart Ch.1 - Draft

Welcome to my LW Amelia Lockhart’s story! This is the first chapter and I’m calling it a draft just to have the excuse to change it later when I eventually post to ao3. Still, a lot of work did go into this so it’s not an unfinished product. I’m gonna try to post a chapter a week? I already have the third in the works so that might be achievable.

I think this will be the first story that I finish of my fallout OC epic lmao. I was going to do it in chronological order, but I realized that PAM Initiative would make more sense and be more impactful if it was the last one before the Fallout 4 story.

August XX, 22XX

The irony of her situation wasn’t missed on her. She’d spent years wishing for something in the wastes to do the mercy of putting her out of misery. Years wishing that it’d been anyone else but her and feeling that guilt weigh on her shoulders with the responsibility of the rest of the world. She couldn’t count the times she cried out in frustration that the water purifier hadn’t killed her like it was supposed to.

She wasn’t supposed to live, and yet, despite all her best efforts she was alive. And finally, finally, she had found her reasons to want to hang on. That’s, of course, when the world decided to pull the rug out from under her.

It was her own fault. The world just capitalized on her mistake. A series of stupid decisions because she refused help, refused to not get involved, and ran herself ragged because all she could see was the road in front of her. She shouldn’t have even taken on this mission.

She should be back in Megaton, the Citadel, anywhere but here. They were waiting for her back home. Waiting for her to complete this mission. Waiting for her to come back as the hero, as always. Her baby brother was waiting for her. The love of her life was waiting for her. Her dumb cobbled together pathetic mess of a community was waiting for her.

Her captors took off the blindfold and she stared up at the starry night sky, her head erupting in a fiery headache even in the lowlight, blurring her vision. The stars smear and she could almost pretend they’re shooting across the sky.

Leo had found an old almanac in Rivet City, and done the math to calculate the next meteor shower in their area. It’d been her going away present.

“You have to come back in time so we can watch it together. Promise?”

He’d known how much she loved the stars. They’d spent hours together mapping out the constellations and making up their own myths about how they got there. Back in the vault, they’d figured out together how to make the glowing mushrooms that grew in the lower levels into a paint, and painted stars on the ceiling of their room.  

She’d run herself ragged trying to make it back in time. Riding through the night and sleeping only when she felt like she was going to pass out. Avoiding all the danger she could just so she could make it back in time to sit on the roof of the Citadel with him and watch the stars fly across the sky.

She didn’t need to see clearly to know these assholes weren’t going to let her go. She was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and got involved with the wrong person. Just had to save the day, as always.

She wanted to live god damn it. Why wouldn’t the world just let her?

August XX, 2277

“Wake up! C’mon Amy, wake up!”

Amy batted at Amata’s face, pulling the blankets back around her and the pillow over her head, trying to block out the scream of the alarms, “It’s a roach attack, Mata, not a nuclear melt down.”

Amata ripped the pillow off and Amy whined in protest.

“Come on, take this seriously! You don’t have time to mess around! My father’s men are going to be here soon and I won’t be able to protect you.”

Amy opened her eyes, blurry vision finally coming into focus, and saw her best friend going around her room stuffing belongings into a duffel bag. Amy grabbed her hair tie, quickly pulling her mess of hair into a ponytail, and threading it through her old baseball cap then quickly pulled on her boots.

“Protect me? Amata’s what’s wrong, what’s going on?”

Leo was sitting on the edge of her bed, already packed up, shaking like a leaf. His muss of blonde curls was even more wild today, and he was wrapped up in a jacket several sizes too big for him. Dad had said he’d grow into it by next summer when he finally hit his growth spurt…

Dad.

“Leo, where’s dad?”

“H-he-“ He hiccuped and his teeth clattered.

Amata shoved the packed duffel into Amy’s hands and said, “He’s gone, Amy. He’s l-left the vault and now my father is angry and he’s coming to get you and Leo. You two need to GO, now!”

“W-what? What do you mean he’s gone?”

Her shoulders dropped, “So you really had no idea.”

“You’re not answering the question!”

“Dr. Lockhart, he… He escaped the vault somehow, and now the Overseer wants you two but I’m not sure he cares in what state.”

“What do we have to do with it?!”

“He thinks you know something!” She choked back a sob, “T-they… they killed Jonas. They wanted to know where your dad went so they took him and they-”

Her blood cooled. If Amata kept talking she didn’t register it. Even the alarms were muffled to her now and the room around her fell out of focus. She tried to ground herself, tried to hang onto something here, but there was nothing to hang on to. Her dad had abandoned her. Jonas was dead. And she… she was next on the list. She tried to feel it, tried to understand any of it, but it was like her mind was spinning yet trapped behind a glass case that she couldn’t reach, just watch.

Then there was a hand in hers. Warm, clammy, and shaking but pulling her back to this plane of reality with little baby blues filled with tears. Leo. She had to protect Leo.

“-but listen to me, there’s a secret tunnel that leads directly from my father’s office to the exit. You’ll have to hack the computer in his office to open it. Use these to get into his office, it’s how I always get in.”

She handed Amy a box of bobby pins and she managed to give Amata a smile, “Just like old times, huh?”

Amata smiled back, “Just like old times. Take this pistol I stole from my father. I hope you don’t have to use it, but just in case I want to make sure you have a way to defend yourself.”

The pistol felt strange in her hands. She was used to her old BB gun. It was lighter, but longer and it didn’t have… real bullets. “Okay, I’ll try not to use it.”

“Okay, I’ll try to meet you at the exit. Watch out for security. Good luck.”

She gave her a quick hug, and then Amata was gone. Amy could feel herself slipping somewhere else again, but she gripped Leo’s hand tighter and slung the duffel bag over her shoulder. They had to get out. Even if she managed to talk down the Overseer, how could she stay? How could she or Leo live under that kind of oppressive force that would spend the rest of their lives watching their every move like a hawk?

But then where would they go? The outside… the outside wasn’t safe, right? How would they survive? As angry at him as she was, she’d have to find their dad. They’d be safe with him, right?

She bent down to Leo’s level and wiped a stream of tears off his cheek and said, “We’re gonna be okay, alright? I’m not going to let anything happen to you. We’re going to get out of here, find dad, and we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

Leo searched her eyes and she stared back at him summoning all the feisty rebellious courage she could, and then he nodded back at her mirroring her look. Even if it was an act, it was good enough.

She stood up, “Alright, here’s the plan. I don’t really want to use this thing if I don’t have to, so we’re going to try and sneak out. I have an idea of which path to take, but I wanna know which halls to avoid so the cams don’t catch us-”

“SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, HELP! MY MOM SHE’S-SHE’S IN TROUBLE!”

Deloria. Of course.

Butch barreled into the Lockharts and Amy nearly smacked him on instinct.

“Amy, Christ, you gotta help me! Th-those roaches are eatin’ my mom alive and she’s trapped in there!”

“Butch, really? You’re still scared of roaches?”

“Yeah, so what? I swear I tried to go back in there, I really did! But I just can’t do it. Come on, Ames, we’re buds now, right? You gotta help her!”

‘Buds’ felt like a little bit of an overstatement. Still, she wasn’t going to leave Butch high-and-dry and started digging through the duffel bag.

He eyed it warily and said, “Wait, where are you and the squirt goin’? What am I missing here?”

“Listen, I don’t have time to explain, but long story short security has orders to shoot the both of us on sight-”

“What the hell?! What did you do, Ames?”

Amy couldn’t decide if she wanted to hug, or kill Amata for stuffing so much shit in here, “Be related to James Fucking Lockhart, I guess. Point being, we need as much of a headstart as we can get. I wanna help, Butch, I really do, but-”

“You gotta protect Leo.” There was a resoluteness in his voice. He got it.

“Yeah, and you’re going to do the same for your mom.” Bingo. She pulled out the old BB gun and kissed it goodbye before handing it off to Butch. In a way, it was Butch’s too. His switchblade was sacrificed for a great cause.

“Woah, where’d you get this thing? She’s a beauty.”

“If you break her, Deloria, I’m coming back for your ass you hear me. Now go save your mom.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice.” He turned to go and then hesitated.

“What?” She couldn’t gauge what was going through his head, but there were definitely some gears turning. “I don’t have all day.”

He shrugged off his Tunnel Snake leather jacket and wrapped it around her, “You’re the best, Lockhart, alright? Nobody in this lousy vault can hold a candle to ya. Now go kick some ass.” He leaned down to Leo’s eye level, “And you, Whirly. Take care of your sister. You’re the man of the house now, right? We gotta protect our own.”

Amy rolled her eyes and smiled at Leo’s perplexed expression, As if he wasn’t just screaming for me to do it a second ago. But she slipped her arms into the sleeve of the jacket anyway and gave Butch a fist bump goodbye.

“Not half bad yourself.”

She watched him go and hoped for the best. She felt guilty for not going in herself, but she’d lost enough time as it was talking to him. How long was it going to be until Security reached Residential? How long did she really have until she’d have to start shooting?

The thought unnerved her. The pistol felt heavy in her hand, but she didn’t have time to think about it. They had to move.

She kept her pistol in one hand, and held Leo’s hand in the other. His grip was tight despite the calm act he was putting on. “You doing alright, Lion?”

“Y-yeah. I’m okay. Wait! Don’t turn that way, Stanley fixed that camera’s range recently. We won’t be able to avoid it. Take the other hall.”

She smiled back at him and said, “Good catch. What would I do without you?” She got a small smile in response and held onto the small victory. It was something.

They turned that corner and were met with a crowd of radroaches surrounding Officer Kendall who was busy whacking them with a baton. Amy and Leo were too late not to make a noise and he caught sight of them and gritted his teeth.

“You two! Stay where you are! By the order of the Overseer you’re to come with me. If you resist I’m authorized deadly force!”

“Deadly force?! Are you kidding me? He’s thirteen!”

“The Overseer’s orders are-”

“I don’t give a shit what the Overseer’s orders are! I’m not waiting around for you to do to us what you monsters did to Jona. C’mon Leo, let’s go.” “But what if-”

She cut him off, “Please, he’ll be fine. If Officer Kendall can deal with a few radroaches. He doesn’t want our help anyway.”

Lucky for them he seemed to pre-occupied trying not to get eaten alive to follow after them, but she didn’t really know whether or not she wanted him to survive. She felt nauseous at the thought of him dying because she hadn’t stopped to help, but that didn’t stop her from moving forward.

Every time she heard the Overseer’s voice loop over the PA system she thought about shooting the things off the wall. Her stomach was curdling having to listen to it over and over again, and while it covered their footfall, it’d also cover anyone else’s. Sure, Officer Kendall hadn’t had his gun on him, and he was too busy fighting off roaches to do anything about them… but would that be true for the next security officer they ran into?

What was she supposed to do in that scenario?

It wasn’t long before she heard the quiet chittering and hissing of another group of radroaches coming from further down the hall. She held up her hand to get Leo to wait and moved forward to investigate it.

The mess hall. It didn’t look like anyone was inside, and the lights were off… She frowned and flipped the pipboy’s brights on to get a better look. If it hadn’t been for the immediate hiss of roaches she would’ve dropped her pistol at the sight.

She dispatched with roaches quickly and tried not to hurl at the sight of Grandma Taylor’s body lying motionless on the ground. Amy could see the pocks in the flesh where’d they’d begun eating her and pivoted out of the mess as quickly as she came.

“Amy? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Leo, let’s keep going. Just a couple of radroaches don’t worry about it.”

He didn’t look like he believed her.

As they continued onwards Amy couldn’t get the image of Grandma Taylor out of her mind. Couldn’t stop thinking about Butch, and if he was able to save his mom. About what would happen if the BB gun ran out of ammo. If another wave of roaches came for them and Officer Kendall was too preoccupied to help the civilians on that floor.

She wouldn’t ever know, would she? If she and Leo escaped… there was no way they were letting her back in. She shoved those thoughts to the back of her mind. Butch would be fine. He had to be.

She was so wrapped up in her own head that she just barely caught sight of the familiar sight of the security guard uniform. Amy held her breath and moved to stop Leo, but an untimely squeak of his boots made the guard turn around to find the source of the noise. She couldn’t catch who it was, but it didn’t matter. They needed a way out of here fast.

She looked around for a way out, a closet to hide in, or an old vent to stuff Leo into. Her mind was racing, but there wasn’t anywhere to go the Security Guard couldn’t follow. She stepped back and let go of Leo’s hand to keep a steady grip on the pistol, and aimed.

Just pretend it’s a radroach. A tall, humanoid-looking radroach. It did very little to steady her aim, or still the shake in her arm. Her aim was good. She’d spent almost a decade practicing, but that had been metal targets and bugs. Was she really going to kill someone? Someone she’d know since she was in diapers?

They don’t seem to have a problem with it.

She saw a carefully placed black boot step passed the corner and waited a second for the head to come into view, then-

She went for it. The gunshot in the close quarters metal walls of the vault was louder than she was expecting and she jumped back in surprise.

So did the security guard who yelped out a curse, “Hey! Don’t shoot! Friendly!”

“Officer Gomez?”

“Amy?” He rounded the corner, his gun holstered, and Amy shakily dropped her arm to her side. He was walking with a limp, but thankfully it didn’t seem to be because of her. “What were you thinking shooting like that?”

“I-I didn’t know who you were. If you were going to…”

He sighed and said, “You’re right. You’re lucky it was me who found you. The others won’t be so forgiving.” He glanced at Leo, at the duffel bags, and shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re up to and I-I don’t want to know. Just-Just clear out of here and I’ll pretend I never saw you.”

“Thank you, Officer Gomez.” She smiled at him half-heartedly, “You were always my favorite anyway.”

Leo piped up from behind her, “Are you going to be okay? Y-you’re limping!”

Officer Gomez’s eyes softened at Leo and hobbled over to tussle Leo’s hair, “It's a real shame it's come to this. You two were always good kids. Even if you were a little rebellious,” he gave Amy a side eye, “you didn’t deserve this. Go find your dad.”

“That’s the plan.”

“And… I’m sorry about what happened to Jonas. I can’t believe what they did to him… Officer Mack was out of control.”

Amy could hear the shake in his voice as he talked, but she wished he hadn’t mentioned Jonas at all. She was trying not to think about it. As they parted ways she tried not to think about how she could’ve almost killed him. How, if her arm had been a little less shaky, or if the bullet ricocheted, Officer Gomez could be dead right now. Freddie could’ve lost his dad.

They kept going, avoiding gunfire, watching people get shot, and Amy did her best to push out the insecurities, the doubts, the fears, and all the questions that she didn’t have time to answer.

There just wasn’t time. Leo helped where we could, and stayed out of sight whenever she had to deal with something unpleasant. Even if he wasn’t crying anymore, she could tell that the only reason the shock hadn’t settled in was because of the adrenaline. It wasn’t like she was any different. If she were to stop and think, really think it’d all be over.

Thankfully, her rebellious teen years were also doing some good. Security was never fast enough to catch up, and she knew the halls of this vault better than they did at this point. She knew all their tricks, how’d they try and catch her, and even after all these years they hadn’t changed.

She and Leo were close. So close. They’d have to go by the holding cells to get to the Overseer’s Office, and it was going to have the highest concentration of security. If they were clever, and if they were lucky, they’d scoot on by without anyone noticing. It’d probably be easier if there were some kind of distraction, right?

Then she heard it.

Amata’s scream.

Amy bolted.

The Overseer shook his head with a disappointed sigh, “Be reasonable Amata. Officer Mack may enjoy this, but I do not. Just tell us where to find your friend, so we can talk to her!”

“I’m telling you, I don’t know! What does she got to do with this anyway?”

Stevie Mack raised his baton with a wicked grin, and the door to the holding cells slid open Amy cocking her gun and aiming at his head.

“Drop it or I’ll shoot, asshole.” Amata broke out in a grin. Her eye was bruised, her lip split, and her cheek swollen, and the more Amy looked the more she started seeing red.

“Amy! You’re okay!”

“Sure am, Mata, now get out of here. I’ll handle this.”

The Overseer tsked as Amata ran out of the room, but stopped Stevie from chasing out after. He raised a brow at Amy, “Now, now, Amelia. Put that away, and come with us quietly and I promise that we can talk things out. With your full cooperation this can all be over with.”

She watched as Stevie flexed his fingers over the baton. It was covered in blood. Amatas. Jonas’. Who’s next was he planning to add to that collection?

“You made the choice not to talk things out when you let your dog murder Jonas. And what about Leo, huh? What were you thinking sending security after a thirteen-year-old boy?”

“Those were necessary measures-”

“Oh shut up! No they weren’t. You were just trying to make an example out of a kid to let everyone else in the vault know that no one’s safe! If one person breaks the rules, everyone gets punished. That’s how it’s always been, and that’s how it’s always going to be. Well not today. I’m not letting this piece of human trash hurt anymore people.”

And then, before Stevie could open his mouth, she shot. Her arm wasn’t shaking anymore, not with the rage flowing through her body, and this time she didn’t miss the three successive shots to that monster’s head. He’d been close. It was a straight shot. She couldn’t have missed it.

Stevie Mack dropped to the ground, and Amy watched as the blood pulled around him. The vault always smelled metallic, and now the air was filled with the scent of gunpowder and iron. The alarms kept echoing off the empty metal halls of the vault, and the Overseer stumbled back and cowered.

“I always knew you were nothing but trouble.” He was cowering, but he had the audacity to sneer.

Amy turned and aimed at the Overseer, “Stand down, or your next.”

“Amy, don’t!” Amata stepped between them, and a wave of shock swept over her.

“Are you- are you kidding me right now? You’re defending him? After what he did?”

“He wasn’t the one that killed Jonas! You got Stevie- it’s over!”

Amy didn’t agree with that. It wasn’t over, and Jonas’s blood was just as much on the Overseer’s as it was on Stevie’s, but there was yelling down the hall, and he just wasn’t worth it. If Amata wanted him alive, then it was on her to deal with the fallout of whatever happened afterwards.

She turned and saw Leo, standing frozen in the doorway, his eyes on Stevie’s body, and suddenly she felt exposed. She didn’t regret it. Not now, anyway, but seeing that look of horror on Leo’s face?

She wasn’t forgetting that anytime soon.

“Come on, Leo, we have to go.” She took his hand, but it was limp in her hold.

There wasn’t time to think about that.

When they passed by Jonas’s body the adrenaline wasn’t enough to keep her going. The tears started streaming down her face, and she dropped to the ground and held him. Apologized again and again for her stupid dad getting him wrapped up in all this. Jonas didn’t deserve this and neither did his family.

There wasn’t time to mourn. There wasn’t, but she couldn’t get herself to get up. Leo sat by her and leaned against her pulling something out of Jonas’s hands. When the shouts of security got loud again she struggled on to her feet, and pulled Leo with her to the Overseer’s Office.

Despite everything, Amy made quick work of the door to the Overseer’s office and got to work on the terminal. She could hear them coming closer and she barked at Leo to lock the door. It seemed to snap him out of his stupor and he stumbled to the door and locked it.

“Fuck, what was the trick to these things again? It’s been ages since I’ve had to do this.”

Without a word Leo gently nudged her to the side, and within seconds the terminal was hacked to be used at their leisure.

The door didn’t stop security for long, and this time it sounded like they had guns.

So, Amy scooped Leo up into her arms and ran. He’d been too old for her to carry for a while now, not that had ever stopped her, but with the added weight of everything else she knew that without the adrenaline rush she couldn’t have done it.

Amata was there waiting for her. Her goodbye to Amata was quick. Too quick. But gunfire rained down on them and she didn’t have any choice. She tried to drag Amata with her, out of this place, but she knew that it was a losing battle. Amata was right, one of them had to stay.

Once she was out the vault door, they didn’t follow her, but she didn’t let up her pace unless one of them decided not to be a coward. She raced down the cavern hall, feeling uneven ground for the first time in her life, dust kicked up from the ground and clogged her haggard lungs, and made for the rickety door with light streaming through the cracks.

She fell. Cradled Leo in her arms and hit the rocky ground hard, but the alarms were gone. The cold was gone. The air smelled strange and humid against her skin, the light was blinding, and rock hot against her suit. She scrambled to her feet, holding tightly onto her baby brother, and carried him down the hill and behind the rock wall of the mountainside.

Then she collapsed against it holding his face close to her chest. It was over. They were out.

They’d made it out alive.

[iviarellereads]

Nona the Ninth, John 5:18(1)

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For detail on The Locked Tomb coverage and the index, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(No icon) In which someone starts to really use his powers.

IN THE DREAM, night had fallen, or what she assumed was night. They were lying atop the hill they had climbed and he was pointing out all the constellations that they would be able to see if it weren’t for the thick green cloud and the softly falling flakes of ash. They were lying head-to-head, their eyes aimed at the right part of the sky to see, or in this case not see, the Southern Cross. The stars were sweet and familiar, but she did not know their names, though they seemed to be at the tip of her tongue. She asked him why it was called the Southern Cross. He said that was just one name for it, but the stars were in a cruciform pattern and it was only visible from the southern hemisphere. He said when he was little he’d been taught it was the anchor of a ship.(2) He still preferred that, he said. Liked the idea that the Milky Way was pinned down and couldn’t go anywhere. Said when he was a kid he hated change, any change at all. She had quite liked change—mostly. But he did not want to dwell on that. So she asked him about the fingers trick, and he was happier to talk about why it had upset everyone so much.

After everyone in the gang has had a chance to see him do it, they needed to come to terms with it. C- and G-, despite being raised religious, took it better than anyone. M- was an atheist since age 12, even though her best friend was a nun. A- giving her "a benzo and a shot of whiskey" helped too, John thinks.

Still, they all wanted to believe in him. They all wanted a miracle. P- worried about a zombie apocalypse, but Ulysses and Titania weren't zombies, they were fully controlled by John's commands and will.

He and she sit in the fallout ash for a bit.

After a moment, he said: I knew it was fine. I knew I’d touched something, come away with something, that could be used for good. Could be used to fix everything, used for you.(3) I only had to figure out how. There was so much to figure out. But I’d got a dream team on tap, eh?

Then they started testing the limits. What he can and can't do, how much he can control them, from what distance. They even dug up a graveyard, to P-'s annoyance at having to cover it up, and he could "raise" the bodies of the long-dead as well.

At that point, they knew the biggest risk was getting caught, getting institutionalized, or weaponized by more stakeholders. Maybe they'd seen too many movies.(4)

He said, So we figured that what we had to do was make as big a noise as humanly possible, turn to the public. Find out if anyone else was like me, if there was someone out there who could do the same thing. And there was a way we could do just that. It was a different time back then. I didn’t want to do it. It felt too—kill switch, too awful to contemplate. Too grisly. Too shitty. But it was the only trick we had up our sleeves. He sighed and said, “We had the internet. We decided to stream.” She said, “What is this internet?” And he said, “See, I did make a utopia.”(5)

=====

(1) "Hereupon therefore the Jews sought the more to kill him, because he did not only break the sabbath but also said God was his Father, making himself equal to God." Well, that certainly seems relevant, are we four for four? Of course we are. I don't love the layer of "the Jews sought the more to kill him" because that sort of thing has been long, long used to justify antisemitism, but some people are probably getting more upset at John for not complying and giving up, considering how hard they worked to shut him down. Meanwhile letterizing brings us to THETOWER. Well, we certainly saw many towers at Canaan House, but this feels more specific somehow. THE tower, or perhaps The Tower, not just any old tower. (2) It's true! The constellation the North knows mainly as the Southern Cross, or Crux, is known in Maori culture as the anchor on the Milky Way's boat. (3) That sneaky "you" again. (4) How many of us haven't made wild plans for things like nuclear attacks or zombie apocalypses because we've seen too much fiction to not think about it on some level? Even though the risks are so low for most of the world. (5) The joke almost as old as the internet, that the internet is hell and cursed and we'd be better off without it. We wouldn't, mind, but I still laughed.