#i just want to feel like i have control of myself and who i am. and thats why my name feels like its so important to me. yknow what i mean

[snapscube]

yall have to realize at some point that the obsession with what i am going to play in the future or how i am going to feel about the stuff i eventually play genuinely makes the experience of enjoying stuff right now in this moment a little bit worse every time. i am perfectly capable of thinking ahead for myself and planning something as simple as what the best order for me to play a silly game series is because there are literal decades of documentation and opinion and consensus on this stuff i can research with my own two hands. furthermore who gives a shit if later i am going to be less enthused about a character or a ship or have less evidence than i do now or whatever like.... i am here exactly where i'm at and i'm having fun talking about this stuff presently and it's such a damn bummer to have to constantly be ripped out of that because someone with more knowledge than me thinks they are doing me a favor by trying to be an oracle for how i am going to feel in the future. like it genuinely makes it very hard to want to share these things as i go along, you know. it sucks to have to consider just not posting about this stuff at all because of the poor impulse control of a select few when generally i really really love talking about this stuff with yall and sharing thoughts. i just really wish i could do that without some people treating me like a liveblog jukebox.

[f1ghtsoftly]

my head is scrambled but in Kate Manne’s “The Logic Of Misogyny” she put to words something I always, always knew was true.

Most of the time Men don’t hurt women for no reason, they punish women who assert themselves/their personhood. Misogynistic violence is a punishment, it’s a form of conditioning to get women to behave submissively towards men. To punish women for existing in public without male protection. To punish women for daring to think her intellect, athletic or artistic achievement could come before her sex.

I don’t present super femme anymore or hang around men outside my family basically ever-but when I did I was frequently targeted for sexual assault, usually by men who were frustrated they were attracted to me but couldn’t have me. They felt like I was taunting them-but asserting my right to exist as someone they were attracted to/without any sort of male protection or a male protection that didn’t involve sexual favors/submission. That wasn’t an accident, I’m sure if I meekly cowered behind a big boyfriend, I’m sure if I stayed inside, I’m sure if I didn’t assert myself as extraverted, intelligent, funny or charismatic those men would have left me alone-but that would have meant hiding myself from the world, hiding myself from other women and to me that was a bigger loss than a ‘lil danger. I made choices as a young person that I knew with certainty would bring me in closer proximity to men who wanted to hurt me, I decided that living a freer life was better than living a safe one. I don’t necessarily regret my assessment of patriarchy, I am sad that the price you pay for being an independent woman (in a social sense) in public is assault. I don’t blame women who think their safety is more important than making a statement. I’m sad for us both. I’m grateful I was able to find feminist communities because victimization isn’t just something casual you can shake off, even if it feels like men constantly target you/women in general.

Assault doesn’t just roll of your back either. It hurts. In the moment and for years afterwards it hurts. It’s always senseless. Always dehumanizing to the extreme. Always enraging. Always profoundly violating. Always a shock. I struggle to reconcile what I know about rape with what I know about people. I know people can be cruel, unthinking, insecure. I don’t know how someone can plot the rape of a friend or a stranger who has done nothing to deserve it. I don’t know how men can secretly tape their lovers, manipulate a young woman into sex she doesn’t want or do any of the things men do consistently or routinely. I don’t know how a boy could look at the face of his too drunk friend and go “this is my opportunity to have my way with her” instead of putting her to bed. Carelessness, thoughtless is easy to imagine. Conscious cruelty is not. Men know what they do and they either don’t care or like it.

I’m crying in a park in my Dad’s pickup truck. “There are worse things than this, you didn’t die-you’re alive” He says “this wasn’t your fault, I just want to keep you safe and what happened to you isn’t something I can control even though I wish I could”. “I’d feel better if you lived in Austin, because their self defense laws are better, there are lots of gay people there too”

He makes me laugh. I won’t move to Texas. He’s right, it’s not my fault, and helping me get better at self defense helps him feel like he can do something and while self defense does help-it’s not a perfect strategy. The misogynist’s prerogative is to snuff out the life force of the woman he interacts with, the only way to stop him from trying to do that is to become apart of the living dead. Even then, he’ll get your corpse.

There are worse things than rape in this life. A woman alive is better than a woman dead. I guess, but what life is it when constantly forced to battle for your right to live? When at a moments notice you can be filled from the inside out with death. Rotted from your insides out. I wish New York would let me have a gun. I wish I could make men afraid and polite in my presence the way I feel afraid and polite in theirs. I’m so tired of this.

[daitranscripts]

Iron Bull Cutscene

Dragon Hunting

Iron Bull Masterpost

If the PC kills a dragon and Bull isn’t in the party Iron Bull: So you killed a dragon, and you didn’t bring me along. It’s fine, I know how it goes. You gotta have the team you’re comfortable with for the big jobs. Still, you find another one out there, I’m happy to help. Always wanted to go up against one of the big guys.

If Bull is in the party when a dragon is fought

Approaching a dragon Iron Bull: Looks like Dragon territory. Oh, this is gonna be good.

When the dragon appears Iron Bull: Oh, would you look at that! That is magnificent!

During the fight

Iron Bull: (Shouts)

Iron Bull: Oh, yeah! Look at that! Taarsidath-an halsaam!

When Bull takes damage

Iron Bull: (Grunts.)

Iron Bull: I’m okay!

Iron Bull: Still worth it!

When the dragon is defeated This… is the greatest day of my life! Did you all see that? (Shouts.)

—

The PC speaks to Bull back at Skyhold

Iron Bull: Inquisitor! Come have a drink!

Iron Bull: To killing a high dragon like warriors of legend!

1 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: What is this? [2]

General: I’m not drinking that. [3]

General: [Drink.] [4] +Iron Bull approves

2 - Investigate: What is this? PC: What exactly am I supposed to be drinking? Iron Bull: Maraas-lok. PC: What does that mean? Iron Bull: It means drink! [back to 1]

3 - General: I’m not drinking that. PC: No offence, Bull, but I think you’re on your own. Iron Bull: Ah, suit yourself. Scene ends.

4 - General: [Drink.] PC: (Swallows.) Iron Bull: I know, right? Put some chest on your chest.

Iron Bull: That little gurgle right before it spat fire? And that roar. What I wouldn’t give to roar like that. The way the ground shook when it landed. The smell of fires burning… Taarsidath-an halsaam. You know Qunari hold dragons sacred? Well, as much as we hold anything sacred.

Iron Bull: Here, your turn.

5 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: What was that Qunari phrase? [6]

General: I’m done drinking. [7]

General: [Drink.] [8] +Iron Bull approves

6 - Investigate: What was that Qunari phrase? PC: That thing you just said. You shouted it during the fight, too. What does it mean? Iron Bull: Oh, taarsidath-an halsaam? Closest translation would be, “I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect.” PC: You shouted that while it was breathing fire at us. Iron Bull: I know, right? (Grunts.) [back to 5]

7 - General: I’m done drinking. PC: I think I’m finished, thanks. Iron Bull: Really? Really. (Chuckles.) More for me, then. Scene ends.

8 - General: [Drink.] PC: (Swallows.) Iron Bull: Yeah! The second cup’s easier. Most of the nerves in your throat are dead after the first one.

Iron Bull: Ataashi. “The glorious ones.” That’s our word for them. Ataaaaasheeeeeee.

9 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: Why are dragons sacred? [10]

General: I’m sorry we had to kill it. [11]

General: Now I feel awkward. [12]

General: They’re just beasts. [13] -Iron Bull slightly disapproves

10 - Investigate: Why are dragons sacred? PC: Why do you think the Qunari think of dragons that way? Iron Bull: Well, you know how we have horns? We kind of look more… dragony… than most people. Maybe it’s that. But a few of the Ben-Hassrath have this crazy old theory. See, the tamassrans control who we mate with. They breed us for jobs like you’d breed dogs or horses. What if they mixed in some dragon a long time ago? Maybe drinking the blood, maybe magic. I don’t know. But something in that dragon we killed… spoke to me. [back to 9]

11 - General: I’m sorry we had to kill it. PC: It’s a shame we had to kill the dragon. Iron Bull: Damn good fight. [14]

12 - General: Now I feel awkward. PC: When you put it like that, I’m worried I killed one of your gods or something. Iron Bull: Nah. One of Tevinter’s gods, maybe. They worshipped dragons, right? Kill the shit out of them all you like. [14]

13 - General: They’re just beasts. PC: Dragons are big and powerful, but they’re just animals. Iron Bull: They’re more than that. Shit, the Vints used to worship the damn things. [14]

14 - Scene continues.

Iron Bull: Dragons are the embodiment of raw power. But it’s all uncontrolled, savage… So they need to be destroyed. Taming the wild. Order out of chaos. Have another drink.

Dialogue options:

General: I’m really done. [15]

General: [Drink.] [16] +Iron Bull approves

15 - General: I’m really done. PC: I’ve had more than enough already. Iron Bull: Your loss!

16 - General: [Drink.] PC: (Swallows.) Iron Bull: (Laughs.) Nice! To dragons! (Swallows.)

Dialogue options:

Flirt: To you. [17] +Iron Bull slightly approves

General: To good fights. [18] +Iron Bull slightly approves

General: To bringing order. [19] +Iron Bull slightly approves

General: To bad drinks. [20] +Iron Bull slightly approves

17 - Flirt: To you. PC: To the Iron Bull. Iron Bull: And his ass-kicking Inquisitor.

If romanced/slept with Bull Iron Bull: Hey. Hey, kadan, listen. I always want to say this, and I never can when we’re off saving the world.

Iron Bull (female PC): You’ve got fantastic tits. Iron Bull (male PC): You’ve got a fantastic ass.

PC: Awwww. Scene ends.

18 - General: To good fights. PC: To finding the biggest, baddest things in the world and showing them that we’re badder. Iron Bull: Anaan! Scene ends.

19 - General: To bringing order. PC: To building order out of chaos… even if it means killing some dragons along the way. Iron Bull: Even. “Even if?” Especially if! Scene ends.

20 - General: To bad drinks. PC: To whatever this is, and the hangover it’s going to give me tomorrow. Iron Bull: Anaan! Scene ends.

[deoidesign]

Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!

I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...

[scattered-winter]

its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[tangledinink]

Whats your opinion on alters (did/osdd traumagenic systems) formed from your aus? Since alters can't really control their source asking for a friend/lh

Go off, do your thing, feel free, etc etc etc. It doesn't bother me, if that's a concern. I've had a couple people tell me they have fictives from some of my AU's chilling in their heads and if anything I think it's kinda fun and funky and exciting to hear about? So far I'm aware of a Gemini!Mikey and a Swanatello out there in the world.

[mcybree]

Im doing a lot of thinking abt why roleplaying feels different/less natural for me in beastlife s4 in comparison to s3, and i think it’s because there’s ways i know i should be feeling (based on the perception of my character— when i was fresh out of s2 nobody knew enough about my guy to have opinions) vs how i am feeling. I’m catching myself thinking, “it wouldn’t make sense for my character to [blank],” and it’s like… what do i mean by that. what do i mean that this feeling im having in-session “wouldnt make sense for my character” to feel? It might be surprising to other beasts who know me for one thing and expect consistency, i guess?? but in s3 i just acted on feelings and then shit happened. what. why am i trying to enforce a character that does not exist when the strength of mcrp lies in its improvisational nature. I didn’t write this guy on purpose, why am i trying to write him now

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Come on, you know you want to, give us the character bingo for Viktor.

don't mind if i doooo

[perilegs]

ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion

[rawliverandgoronspice]

.

[pink-vulpix]

.

[elftwink]

saw a video about 2 player ttrpgs and one of them was like "this one's about a pretend marriage" and i was like oh? and i looked it up on itch (eyes on the prize, fyi) and it's 50% as of right now and i was like OH? and i bought it immediately & ive read most of it and i am a big fan. and i KNOW that i have friends who would have fun playing it (it's a 2 player or 4 player game; the 4 player variant has 2 fake couples) but asking them is going to be so cringe. yeah we're gonna make up people and pretend to be them and then pretend to pretend to get married and the characters when they start their pretending they're gonna be like "oh we don't have any romantic feelings towards each other this is strictly plot" but then (get this) they will start to develop real feelings for each other. and we're gonna act it out together and pretend to be them but don't worry! we have no romantic feelings towards one another. this is strictly plot. when WE (irl) pretend to be in love it's actually platonic, unlike the people who we are pretending to be to each other. so do you have like 2-5 hours you wanna dedicate to that next week

and the worst part is that's 100% what i want. like i have roleplayed romance before with friends it is literally not a big deal because the whole point of roleplay is that the character ISN'T you. but with a fake relationship the crushing weight of dramatic irony hovers behind me

[professorsta]

If you notice after Clint and Past coupled, Clint was already prepared to tell Past about his little figurine and all his childhood traumas. He just needed a good fuck to get his guard down and he was off to talk about himself all day Present Fucked it up when he slid in right after Clint had slid out

[heyitsphoenixx]

ever since i was a little [redacted] i always wanted to be a person who has a place in society