#i know it's kind of pathetic to say but my books give me a reason to live

[booksandfantasies]

When I say I can read a book in a day, I promise you I'm not bragging, it's actually a cry for help.

[toriangeli]

Weirdly as an Armand stan, I feel like Armand should have been...worse.

Maybe worse/better isn't putting it right.

He should have been scarier.

The Armand I think of as the "real" Armand is the one we got in 2.05. So I know they know he's like that. It isn't exactly that he's evil, but when he hurts, when he's frightened, when he's cornered, he becomes something wild and vicious. Even when he's calm, there's a cold ruthlessness to him when dealing with people he doesn't care about.

So what the fuck is up with this wishy-washy betrayal?

The narrative as displayed on the show:

-Armand realizes he and Louis don't share values, so they need to break up. -The coven confronts Armand with the trial script and give him an ultimatum (disputed in fandom, never contradicted on the show). -Armand chooses loyalty to the coven and directs the play, bowing to their wishes. There are people who overestimate the role of a director and assume this means he engineered the entire thing, but see the problems in the next section below. -The tribunal is going to kill both Claudia and Louis. -The tribunal just kills Claudia. Lestat saves Louis. -Armand is demoted and punished (confirmed by Assad). -Armand, perhaps because of guilt, rescues Louis from the wall and urges him to leave Paris. -Armand makes the split-second decision to lie about saving Louis at the trial. This ends up saving his life. He lets Louis kill everyone in the coven (presumably because he's gotten a good look at how fickle they are toward him). -Louis chooses to continue their romance to spite Lestat, who keeps Armand's secret. -Daniel exposes the fact that Armand was free to choose Louis the entire time, that he was never in danger, and he chose the coven instead.

Things that have been said by Assad that contradict this version of events:

-Claudia "had to go" because she was in the way of what Armand wanted. Thing is, Armand wanted Louis, and he was going to let Louis die, so this makes no sense. -Armand "engineered" the "deaths" of Claudia and Louis both. No motive is presented to us. Moreover, there's genuinely nothing in the show that suggests this as opposed to Armand being strong-armed by a coven he lost control over. That version of events is never contradicted in the show.

And here's the thing: if I had my way, Armand would be the force behind it all, because having him fold to his own coven makes him the very opposite of scary. He'd never do it in the books. FFS, in the books, he slaughtered more than half of his last coven in a fit of madness (and I am convinced it's one of the things he blatantly lied about in 2.03). But to see what's actually presented on the show and to hear Rolin talk, they were deeply concerned with him remaining as empathetic as possible, so it looks to me like they did that by simply making him (/plays guitar) ANEMIC ROYALTYYYYY instead of a wild little gremlin. Instead of being empathetic, he's just pathetic. Instead of making the connection between Armand's history and his present behavior, the average viewer says, "That's just how he is. He lies about everything. Who knows why. He doesn't need a reason."

I can't help but feel this season should have ended with the average viewer saying "Oh he's crazy crazy." Which they kind of said of 2.05, but by the time 2.08 rolls around, they've sort of forgotten that side of him (which isn't a side, really, it's what lies beneath the mask).

And I mean, Armand in the books is definitely prone to bouts of self-pity. That's how people react when their trauma goes unvalidated. It's not playing the victim, either, he really does feel that way.

Maybe they're counting on next season to give context to both Lestat and Armand? It would make sense for Lestat to be the one to give real perspective on Armand, because Louis doesn't really know him and Armand himself is too guarded to be forthcoming. Lestat has seen Armand at his worst, but, at least in the books, he has a crippling amount of compassion for him as well.

I just...I need the gremlin. I need him to be terrifying, because only then can he turn around and be weird. He's endearing in DM because people looked at the "uncomprehending villain" of the last two books and saw him stuffing packs of cigarettes down the garbage disposal, laughing till he cried at movies, and quizzing Daniel about why war happens because he's never understood all that shit. That last was the moment I fell for him. He understands the vampiric instinct to kill, but humans don't have that. Humans just kill and maim each other anyway. The vampire who caused so much destruction asking, "What is the physical need to destroy?"

The innocence hidden beneath the cruelty and violence.

The writers know that innocence exists, but the innocence means very little if he isn't legitimately cruel and violent. If he doesn't make hard choices in the name of survival when the issue at hand isn't a matter of survival. If people don't suffer because he thinks suffering is what everyone does all the time anyway.

They know the cruelty exists, because they showed it in 2.05. They know exactly how to write an Armand who isn't pretending to be normal.

I just worry they've undermined what makes Armand so special as a character in their quest to keep him empathetic.

[yandere-sins]

So... Honkai Star Rail... have you met Dr. Ratio yet? I have literally seen him twice so far and he has my whole being in a vice grip. Man has either put me in direct danger or towered ominously over me and acted completely dismissive the entire time. I am not okay.

I have met him! (However brief that was because I'm not sure if there's more of him when you defeat the boss (and I struggle with the bosses because I don't build support characters, yes >-<)) I saw him and I knew this one is also going into my pathetic yandere shoebox with Argenti, and I wish I could see more of him because I so wanna get into his personality and yandere-fy him lol

All I can say is... since Argenti I am really into pathetic yans and Ratio just fits sooo good in that category.

Don't get me wrong, he probably started out pretty scary! He has that manipulative, confident, cocky attitude that will make everyone turn on you for being rude and conceited when you try to go against what he's preaching. He'll absolutely try to separate you from you friends and coworkers until he's that saint that still allows you to tag along with him. No one will really mind if one day he just doesn't bring you back to work. Keeps you snug and locked up and terrified in his private hideouts, enjoying that he gets to lord over you. He'll be so enarmored with the thought you now need him, you can't say anything against him, Ratio is the one you have to submit to if you want to survive in the paradise he's creating for himself.

The towering over you probably happens a lot (at night as he watches you sleep and trying to understand you) because he wants so desperately to be acknowledged by you, not even caring if it means he has to be creepy or a stalker watching the camera feed of your room. And when you don't do what he wants you to, he tries, he really tries to ignore you, lock you up and leave the whole planet if he must, but his thoughts are always circling back to you, his heart always wondering what you're doing and if you are lonely and thinking of him.

But the thing is, the situation is scary and all, but he's not exactly an example punisher from the beginning.

So yeah, I see him to a 180 after he has aquired a darling, no more pondering about science or math (I don't even know yet what exactly he is into even) but about how to make his darling like him because they really don't. Darling is just sitting their reading their book, throwing in a "mhm" - "yeah" - "sure" while he's talking, and Ratio is getting really desperate over the lack of acknowledgement and the kind of connection he wants with his darling. It's his own fault, considering he completely ignored all the reasoning and pleading you did in the beginning. And when there weren't as many awful punishments, you just grew numb to the fear of his presence.

I can just see him throw a damn fit about his darling ignoring him. Either in their presence or out of their sight, but this man hates hates hates not being in the center of his darling's attention when he demands it and he's being really pathetic about it.

The problem is just that he really expects too much from his darling. He'll be good and feed them and give them books (reluctantly even one that the darling wants and not only the other five he wants them to read so they can talk about his interests) and expect praises and teary eyes and so many thanks that honestly, he'll just be so heartbroken when the darling is "okay, thanks" and goes back to not acknowledging him or his good deeds.

And yes, he has his scary moments where he takes his darlings out on "dates" into situation that frankly would not end well for them without his presence. But he does not understand why they are angry and crying from stress and fear after he took them out and even defended them from dangers.

Ratio has times where he punishes his darling or forces them to do something they don't want to do mercilessly. Where he uses them as needed for experiments or puts them in dangerous situations, knowing it's wrong, but using these moments to put him into a better light with his darling. He might be cunning, but once he realises that really, what is the darling supposed to do except shutting down when they meet deaf ears with every other reaction? Ratio begins to panic and that makes him into such a sweet, pathetic yandere, desperate for his darling.

Anyhow, I'm sure he can be scary temperamental, but I also like to think he's just not entirely made for having the upper hand in a relationship. (Sorry, I had these thoughts for such a long time, hope it was okay to jump on yours! I know they are a little different but your thoughts about him are super valid as well ♥)

[misssakuramochi]

NOT QUITE REQUITED

In which the reader confesses to Alastor, not quite knowing what to expect

Fandom; Hazbin Hotel

Genre; Fluff (I guess)

Characters; Alastor, Reader

Pairing; One sided!ReaderxAlastor

a/n; I did my best on aroace!Alastor, but please feel free to give me any feedback you may have on writing an aroace person more accurately ❤️

---

Demonic ears perked, twitching ever so slightly as they picked up on the sound of soft footsteps coming their way. Each step was careful, near silent, as the demon behind them tried oh so desperately not to interrupt.

Normally this would alarm Alastor - he didn't become the ever famed (or perhaps innfamous) radio demon without pushing a few buttons. But, between the sound of the footsteps and the soft whispering that became apparent as it got closer, it wasn't difficult for Alastor to figure out just who was sneaking up behind him.

"Hello there, my dear." Head turning fully a moment before the rest of his body swung to match, Alastor met your surprised expression with his usual ear-to-ear grin. It made you jump, just a little, and yet you couldn't help but find the uncanny nature of the demon before you charming.

"Hi! Um, that is to say good evening. I was hoping you might have a quick moment to chat?" Alastor fed on the anxiety in your voice. It was pathetic in a way he found delictibly adorable, in his own way. Meek as you had begun, this was perhaps the boldest you'd been in your 5 attempts to tell the overlord of your feelings. At least, it was until you opened your mouth again.

"Unless you're busy! Of course that's fine, if you're busy I can come back later--" Alastor's smile twitched upwards, shifting for a moment from friendly to uncanny valley as he resisted the urge to chuckle. It was amusing, really, how shy you were-- how you thought for even a moment that he hadn't long since seen through you and your intentions.

"Too busy? For you?" The way you stopped dead, already pink, made Alastor want to eat you right up, "Never! Come now, tell me what it is you need." Speaking as if he didnt already know, Alastor's arm wrapped around your shoulder. He could feel you turn to lead under even the simplest of his touches, and he allowed himself to relish in the feeling of power for just a moment.

Leading you with a little more difficulty than anticipated towards the office he'd taken use of while in the hotel, you moved stiffly.

You found yourself almost unable to breathe this close to Alastor. About to confess in a way that you had imagined a thousand times, each another way it could go spectacularly wrong, your heart had fallen into your stomach. It sat like a lump, making you nauseous.

You'd tried this already, more times than yoy cared to count. Each time you'd found a reason not to confess. Each time, you'd scolded yourself for your cowardice. You couldn't let yourself down like that again.

"Now," you'd arrived at the office before you knew it, Alastor quickly ushering you onto one of the stools adjacent his desk before finding his place at the almost regal chair behind the desk, "What was it thay you needed from me?"

The way his voice lowered, eyes narrowed, made the lump in your throat almost impossible to speak around. He was trying to read you, discern out your real intentions. You knew him well enough to know when those eyes eyes were calculating.

It was strange to say the least that you had seemingly fallen so innocently for him. At least, Alastor thought so. After all, you, loathe as he was to admit it, knew him better than most. But, he supposed that strange as people often saw him as, you were... well, rather quirky yourself. That, and Alastor knew you - being able to read you like  a book was one of the reasons he'd let you get so close.

Ego and caution battled in Alastors brain as he half-listened to you ramble on, thanking him for his time as you tried to work up the nerve to say what you really meant.

"What I mean to say is... I kind of... well, really like you Alastor." There it was. Part of Alastor was relieved-- after all, on the one hand, he had been waiting nearly a month now for you to finally make your confession plainly rather than dancing around him like a sore subject. The other part, however, couldn't help but tense: because on the other hand, he had been dreading this encounter in equal measure to his expectation of it.

It wasn't that Alastor didn't like you, exactly - at least, in his own way. But love... well, even if he particularly wanted to he couldn't love you quite the way you would him. Or course, there was no way you could know this - personal facts were something Alastor kept close to his chest.

The way Alastor chucked, deep and less malicious than usual, set butterflies in your stomach. Their dance made you feel all the sicker, heart racing in an anticipatory fluster as clawed hands ruffled your hair.

"I am the beloved radio demon after all." Alastor could tell he hadn't quite nailed that landing when he felt you cringe at his words. Undeterred, his smile remained unchanged as he took back his hand and clasped it together with the other behind his back.

"So? What is it you're looking for then my dear?" The way Alastor sat across from you, leaning back and letting his hands rest into a steepled position made you feel like you were in a business deal.

"Um, I guess..." It was a question you didn't really know how to answer. What did you want out of this interaction? Of course, in your wildest fantasies you knew what you wanted -- to form a relationship. But this was Alastor, enigma extraordinaire. You had no idea how the man truly felt about anything let alone the idea of being in a romantic partnership. You could dream, perhaps, of a future by the demons side, but what did you realistically expect?

"I guess I just wanted to tell you. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I thought you deserved to know." Alastor blinked slowly, oke eye before the other. You'd done something extrodinsrially rare in this moment - you'd surprised him.

Unused to genuine connection, to kindness, especially whilst literally in hell with the actual worst of people, Alastor hadn't expected your reasoning to be so... selfless. Or benign. It was strange, and yet he couldn't help but feel his smile tug upwards, just a little. It was... amusing. It reminded him why he'd helped you find your way to the hotel in the first place.

"Well then thank you for telling me!" It would be a lie to say the lack of response didn't stirr a pot of disappointment in your gut. But, the way Alastor smiled at you, judgement free and unchanged, made you smile, "Now was there anything else?"

You couldn't help but laugh at how casual Alastor sounded, as if you hadn't just taken perhaps the biggest risk in your afterlife. Even as he tilted his head, not quite understanding your joviality, you simply smiled.

"Never change, Alastor."

[dracosrep]

~Missed You~ D.M

(fluff, semi-smut)

---------------------------

PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x Y/N

WARNINGS: fingering in public

SUMMARY: Draco teases Y/N during breakfast at Hogwarts.

I just woke up, but not in a great mood. I studied all night for the charms test hoping I will get at least 60/100.

I decided to get out of bed earlier so I can get ready, for what's next. My boyfriend Draco got a break from Hogwarts because of personal causes. It's been two weeks since he left. But yesterday he sent me a letter to let me know that he's coming back today.

Me and Draco have a really great relationship. We fit perfectly like puzzle pieces. And my God, those ocean blue eyes. I feel like they hypnotize me. I'm so lucky to be with him, he's just so kind. Not to mention all the love and the attention he gives me.

I put on my uniform and fix my hair then I search for my books. I finally got myself out of the room with so many things going inside my head 'What personal causes?' 'Why didn't he tell me?'

I enter the Great Hall and my eyes are looking for him everywhere. He didn't arrive yet, I guess. So I go and sit next to Pansy.

"Hey how are you girl?" Pansy spoke to me but I didn't notice, I was too busy looking for him in every inch of this big room.

Pansy noticed that I'm constantly turning my head. "Who are you looking for- oh" Draco entered the hall, immediately he saw me and rushed to me. I quickly got up and ran to him. He embraced me in a long, big hug.

"I missed you." He softly spoke to me. "I missed you more." I whispered to him. He split the hug so he could look at me. "No that's impossible, I'm sure I missed you the most!" He seriously said. I smile at his words but I couldn't say a single thing before he pressed his lips on mine. He kissed me with so much passion.

"Draco, let's head to the table. It seems like we're being watched." He then looked around before nodding and taking my hand to go to the table.

We sat down at the table next to each other. Pansy saw that one coming so she switched seats, now she's sitting next to Blaise. At first Draco had a talk with them then he started talking to me.

"What did you do without me, hm?" He said in a deep voice. "Not much, studied, hard" He raises his eyebrows. "What for?" I took a bite of an apple,Draco watching my movements. "We have a charms test today. I couldn't sleep because of it" He sighs. "You know you should slow down with these things, you are taking them too seriously. They are just classes after all." He spoke.

"I'll try. Well what did you do?" I was really curious, he didn't mention anything in the letter.

"Oh I had some important family meetings, nothing fun really." He drunk some juice before saying again. "I would prefer to stay here with you anytime than going to those meetings." I softly chuckle. "I thought you hated Hogwarts!" He took a bite of his food. "Yeah but with you here, it's different. You are the only reason I'm still here in this pathetic school."

I smile before looking into his eyes. Like I said they take my breath away. Moments of silence and just staring at each other hit. He was gorgeous.

"Mate so you see.." Blaise broke the silence so he could talk with Draco about some new quidditch stuff. That's when Draco put his hand around my waist.

I kept eating and suddenly I felt his hand lifting up the back of my shirt. He slid his hand under my shirt. His cold hand sent me shivers down my spine. I tried to act normal but he started to slowly move his fingers drawing circles on my back.

This man. I don't know what he's doing but I know he's driving me insane. He's teasing me. He actually enjoys it.

I looked at the table looking for pancakes. They were far away on the table. I get myself up so I can reach them pushing myself into Draco as a tease. My skirt lifts up. I just feel him smirk. I take the pancakes and put them on my plate, I sit back down. My man didn't waste any time before putting a hand on my skirt.

He slowly starts to slide his hand in. He already feels my wetness. I slightly gasped when I felt his hand on my clit. He started moving his fingers. I tried so hard to act fool. He inserted a finger in my pussy. I covered my mouth trying not to make a sound. He was watching me, he was just enjoying how I'm struggling. He added another finger and started to move them in and out. I couldn't help but silently moan.

Pansy turns her head. "Y/N are you alright?" Draco kept doing his work while I was trying to respond to Pansy. "Y-yes I am. I just have- mm cramps" I finally spoke. Then I felt a familiar knot in my stomach. I was close.

Draco was almost laughing at me watching me like this. "I'm close.." I whispered to him. He nodded and approved that I can cum on his fingers, so I did. Another silent moan hitting.

Draco smiled and said to me. "I missed you like this too." He chuckled. I playfully rolled my eyes.

"Then that means I'm not gonna sleep tonight either."

------------------------------------

Hey! This is my first ever written story. I hope it's good. I would like to hear opinions. I really enjoyed writing this so I think I'm gonna keep writing. I take requests! 🫶🏻

[one-flower-one-sword]

Hello, and thanks again for sharing your thoughts on my previous ask.

More random thoughts to share! : -D

At the end of the fight with Jun Wun, Xie Lian props up his bamboo hat to shield Jun Wu from the rain. That really stood out to me. Jun Wu tormented him for so long. Most people would spit on his body and burn it. Haha, maybe not all that, BUT, they wouldn't give him any sliver of kindness and that would be expected. Xie Lian doing so is just another tell of how much compassion he has for others, and it just blows me away. I couldn't help but see the parallels between what he did for Jun Wu there and the kindness the man with the bamboo hat showed him. I'm still thinking on this a bit, but...Xie Lian had people who loved him (Hua Cheng) and showed kindness to him (the man with the bamboo hat) even at his lowest. I wonder, even if unconsciously, if he wanted to provide some hope to Jun Wu that he can move forward past the worst part of himself. Not saying at all that Xie Lian wants to be part of that process, simply that once Jun Wu is no longer trying to actively harm him or others, he doesn't have any ill will to him. (but even that is over simplifying things - I'm sure Xie Lian could have bad days where he does). But that's my vague thought on this... Xie Lian is able to see the good in people even while not dismissing the bad they've done. To me, it seems he tries to nurture that as much as possible. What are your thoughts on that scene though? :) __________

Interestingly enough, Xie Lian has the hardest time with Qi Rong's personality. Qi Rong is mean-spirited, self-aggrandizing, and cruel as a child, and even more so as a ghost. By the time he's a wrath ghost and we see him facing off with Hua Cheng and Xie Lian, he's really quite pitiful. He can't even see how pathetic he is and it really comes off like a child begging for any attention he can get, even if it's bad attention. Xie Lian's feelings towards him are very complicated. I find it a little ironic and sad because it really does seem that if Qi Rong had had a much firmer and consistent hand in discipline, boundaries and love, that things could've been different for him. Maybe Xie Lian could have when they were young and both alive, but Xie Lian had so much going on himself and honestly, Xie Lian was still a child himself! The adults needed to step in at that time. And when Xie Lian is old enough, I think he's realized he just can't with Qi Rong. For whatever reason - history, personality, family dynamics he can't deal with Qi Rong in a compassionate way and so does what he can and keeps his distance (until present time run-ins start happening). And honestly, that's probably one of the few acts of self-care and boundaries Xie Lian set for himself. He knew his limits with Qi Rong. I do want to be clear that Qi Rong's actions are his own. He's hurt and killed many. He made his own poor choices and is responsible for that. I just think, if from the beginning, if he'd had someone who could be firm and compassionate, things could've been different for him. And potentially, if he'd met someone as a wrath with the patience and compassion to guide him, things could've been different...even if it took another 800 years! On the flip side, maybe Qi Rong did come across such a person but rejected it. We'll never know since it wasn't revealed in the book, but it's interesting to think about. Also, this is the first time I've thought about their relationship dynamics so I could totally be missing some things. What are your thoughts on their relationship dynamic? ------- On a more lighthearted note - one of the things I really love about the novel are all the many ways Xie Lian and Hua Cheng show their love and care for each other. Not just with big moments, but in little ways too with words and actions. There's so much material and every time I'm reminded of it, I just smile inside. I'm so happy for them! But one scene in particular that came to me was right after Xie Lian and "Ming Yi" help Shi Qingxuan escape the Heavenly Capital. They go back to Puqi Shrine and find Hua Cheng tidying up the place with essentially his shirt off. Xie Lian gets flustered and tells him to put his clothes back on and once he does, Xie Lian notices his collar is a little crooked and straightens it for him. Haha, I thought it was very sweet and definitely a "you're already married" moment. : ) Any favorite small moments you remember off the bat?

Thank you for your ask! I'm sorry it took me so long to reply after all (the funeral was last week, so as you can imagine the days leading up to and after it were quite stressful and draining). That said, let's get right into it :3 Gonna go through it from the top:

Xie Lian - His kindness and compassion really are admirable. It's why I find it so baffling when he's described as naive and/or arrogant by fans because that's not at all how the text portrays him. Throughout the story, he's the one willing to against the status quo - both in the human realm and in heaven - and to help the ones no one else cares about, no matter how much pain it results in for him personally. The trauma Jun Wu causes him almost makes him lose himself and then afterwards there's a long time where he blames himself and it's only through meeting Hua Cheng (again) that he gains back his confidence - and like you said, the final scene with Jun Wu shows in such an understated yet profound way that the core of who Xie Lian is has not changed at all: someone who believes that people deserve saving, that kindness is never in vain.

Qi Rong - I can't think of much else to add at the moment, but yeah just like you said, he might have turned out different had he had better parental guidance, but in the end the text is very firm that our choices are our own. I think it's also interesting that when people call Xie Lian naive and arrogant for wanting to save the common people and blame it on him being "spoiled and privileged", it's actually Qi Rong who demonstrates what happens when people born into privilege never question their status and instead do everything they can to take advantage of it and uphold it. Meanwhile Xie Lian even at seventeen was very critical of the power structures and morals that surrounded him and unlike Qi Rong didn't believe that he should be held to a different standard of justice than those "lower" than him. And it can't be chalked up to different guidance, since Xie Lian's views clashed repeatedly with those of his parents and his teachers.

Hualian - I absolutely adore all those small moments that showcast their relationship. Some of my favorites that immediately come to my mind are when they're in heaven and Mei Nianqing is explaining about Jun Wu's past and then inquiring about Xie Lian kissing Hua Cheng:

"Xie Lian could sense that he'd have a hard time swallowing whatever the state preceptor was about to tell him. He wanted to call for Hua Cheng, but before he could do so, Hua Cheng had already come to sit beside him." [...]

"When Xie Lian realized that Hua Cheng likely hadn't lived past eighteen, his fingers trembled. Hua Cheng reached out with one arm and gently covered Xie Lian's chilly hands, palm to back. Although their skin was equally icy, there was warmth where their hands touched." [...]

"Xie Lian had been desperately trying to stop the state preceptor from talking, but with no success. Covering his face, he silently shuffled behind Hua Cheng, who smiled and circled an arm around him as he raised his brows."

Hua Cheng's mere presence is such a source of comfort and safety for Xie Lian, it makes me so ;_; that he wanted him near for emotional support. And they're so tactile, so gentle with each other, always seeking to be close and to reassure and comfort each other through touch ;_;

I feel like I just rambled but I hope my answers managed to still be interesting and satisfying! Thank you for your ask, the distraction and interaction really helps rn <3

[popawritter12]

Can I send a request of yandere Kenshi specifically masked kenshi.

Author's Notes: By “masked Kenshi” I imagine when he already has the bandana, right? I'm kind of bad at English, I'm sorry if this one-shot isn't as you expected.

BTW Im sorry for taking me so much time to make this :c

Yandere! Kenshi Takahashi x Fem! Reader

Yandere Character: Kenshi Takahashi

From the video game/manga/anime/movie/series: Mortal Kombat 1

Case: kidnapping, mention of escape, Stockholm syndrome.

Warnings: No.

Finished: Yes

≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦

I always found his behavior strange.

Maybe that was why I initially wanted to get closer to him. It was mostly my cheap curiosity, though, he took it personally; thinking that I really was in love with him and was looking to have a life with him, even when that wasn't really the case. He locked me away and forced me to live this life, one I never sought, nor desired, but it was also not something I could face or counteract.

I still remember very well the night he took me away from everyone. It was cold and a little cloudy, but never cloudy enough for it to rain, it seemed that he had been waiting for this moment, a moment in which it was at any moment it could rain and thus clear his tracks, but at the same time be was going to give me enough time to take me away from everyone, to get away from this life that I always had.

The first nights in which he kidnapped me, I didn't have a very good time, so to speak, in the sense that he was quite strict and almost every time I responded badly or did something in a way that he didn't consider correct, he responded by screaming or trying to hurt me, condescending manner. And it was totally the opposite if it was “good.”

To tell the truth, I would never have suspected that this could happen, since the few conversations I had with him were focused on quests or with other people, and I found it surprising that it all ended this way.

But hey, at least I don't have chains on my hands 24 hours a day —Do I have them on my feet at night? Yes—, but it is necessary, important, just as I couldn't control the rest of the things and much less could I know what moment would be the right one to get out of here.

And although most of the time he was at home —or at least the time I was awake since I slept in the afternoon— and he was not very talkative so to speak…, in fact for the most part he always remained serious and without saying almost anything. no words.

I often get depressed thinking about the days before this, where I was happy, where I knew everyone and where I had friends everywhere, but now that was purely taken away from me. And although I understand his reasons fairly well, I consider them unfair, selfish and aberrant.

But at least his family came to visit me from time to time, even Cage came to visit me and gave me certain things like clothes or books.

In fact, I find it surprising that someone like him is the only one allowed to talk to me. And although when I asked him if he could try to convince Kenshi of the decisions he was making, but he just shook his head saying that it is a hopeless case, and that the best thing I could do was get used to it, even if it was an attempt.

Pathetic, was what I thought; It seemed quite strange to me that the only person who even had the possibility of helping me decided to simply turn his back on me and give me minimal things so that I could at least try to "get used to" this life that I have now.

But hey, nothing is worse.

Honestly, I kept thinking that maybe it would just be a passing feeling, something that he would temporarily feel that would last until a certain period, and that he would progressively let me go, letting me go…, but I would never be more wrong.

As the days went by he seemed to be gaining more confidence, which was the complete opposite of what I expected. Sometimes he brought me gifts, during the nights he asked me if I wanted to sleep with him, if he could stand next to me so he could protect me while I rested, and although sometimes I refused, eventually I had to give in and know that I would never have a normal life again.

I still remember one time I tried to escape, I tried to try and see how far he could go, to where he was going to chase me. I tried to go to several cities or even go many towns away, seeking even the support of someone like Liu Kang or any of his warriors to think about even going with the Ling Kuei, but I quickly ruled it out since I was at war with their “other half” of the family.

However, each attempt was worse than the last, since he always found me, sometimes faster, sometimes he took a few days, etc. It was strange to think how he knew where I was because he would even have found me even faster than I could think.

Even if he have sometimes raised his voice to me, i understand it in some point, maybe be because my attempts to escape being almost daily at one point.

He would constantly increase the number of chains on my body or simply add more security to the window or doors, but I always found some way to escape from those four walls.

However, those events were a couple of months ago; I would say about six. And in fact, thinking recently I realized that I was quite skilled at one point, being that I could go through entire towns and get tired only when I had just arrived, and only when I knew I was safe could I give myself a rest and a well-deserved lie down on a bed.

And now I knew there was no way to escape, that somehow I would always know where I was, that no matter where I went, I would always know when and how to find myself at the right moment, I knew that my life was condemned to remain by his side. , chained and locked in a place that almost no one knew.

And that's why today was a special day.

I barely managed to become aware of the time and time I was in; I got out of bed, gave the room a little order and approached the door at the entrance to my room, but before I could take the doorknob, he opened the door, a soft squeak of wood was heard. , silent.

—Hello, Kenshi, —I greeted, my voice softer than usual —, how did you wake up?

He didn't answer, he just took one of my hands.

I smiled, knowing the habit he had picked up for a couple of months. He would check my palms, caress my skin and notice if it was more damaged, or rougher than my skin normally is, and if it was, then he didn't treat me very well during the day.

—Then I guess the noises were from the animals —he mentioned, his fingers now running over the tips of mine —. I'm glad to know you haven't hurt yourself trying to run away yet.

A soft laugh escapes my lips, letting him take and caress my palm to his liking.

—Yeah, digging in the dirt wasn't such a good idea for my hands, you know? I learned it months ago —I joked, before separating his hands from mine. —. By the way, are there wild animals at night?

He remained imperturbably calm, and only nodded in response.

—Two nights ago I noticed them —he admitted, —but I thought you were you trying to escape.

I laughed at this, before taking one of his hands, my fingers settling into the gaps between his half-open ones. My gaze stayed on our hold, as I only panted softly.

—Well, then I guess you would have to get used to dealing with those animals.

He looked confused, and was even more so when he saw the grip he had with my fingers wrapped around each of his knuckles.

—Just because you said so?

—Because I don't plan any escape.

—You always say the same thing, —he emphasizes—, and then you run away from me.

—This time is different —I clarify, before looking at him again for a second, I gently pressed my fingers against his knuckles again —, I seriously don't plan anything."

Just by noticing the gesture of his lips and eyebrows I noticed that he was hesitant; He had learned the different expressions he had, and each one was more intriguing than the last.

—Fine. —he whispered, not very convinced.

He let go of my hand, and without telling me anything he just left the hallway, going to what I assumed was his room.

Since he never let me into his room; It was a strange thing, the obsession he had with me not touching his room under any circumstances.

In part, I was a little hurt by his indifference to my revelation, since I very rarely lied to him, but it didn't take me long to go look for him.

His steps were not hurried, but he could tell that he just wanted to be alone for a moment. When I tried to call him, he ignored me, and only advanced to the door of his room, where he took out the padlock that secured it and entered it.

Denying what I was trying to tell him, I just headed to the kitchen, ready to finally replenish my energy with anything that would serve as fuel for my body. And while I was taking some time to prepare it, I was just thinking about a couple of things.

Since when had I accepted my destiny? I guess I've been thinking about it for a month now.

How long will this last? Until the end of my life, I guess.

Do I have any way to escape? Nah, most likely not.

It was a little painful to think that I was no longer going to try to regain my long-awaited freedom, limited to being between six rooms and a hallway.

The more I think about it, the more my mind focuses on random points in my vision, and in the end, I just longed to stop overthinking this situation.

Suddenly, I notice that a hand took mine, giving gentle caresses and stopping my movements.

—Oh, Kenshi, what would you like…?

—How sure are you that you're not going to escape?

I gasped softly, trying not to lose my bearings at that moment.

—I already told you that I'm not going to escape.

—You said the same thing 6 months ago, and then you ran away.

—What way do you have to prove that I am trying to escape?

—You're too calm these days.

I sighed, stopping cooking.

—You are too paranoid.

He frowned, before letting go of my hand.

—I'm not, I just don't trust you.

I tried again and again to reason with him, but I found little use in conversing with him. I felt stressed thinking that this was useless, coincidentally I got tired but I couldn't get out of that situation, I wanted to stay there for as long as possible.

But it only exhausted me more mentally the thought of him that I was about to escape, or that I was planning to do something bad to him.

It was then that, out of my own coherent line of thought, I limited myself to taking a sharp step towards him, placing myself right next to his body and my face facing his cheek.

Gently but quickly my lips landed on his cheek, placing a soft kiss on his undamaged skin.

The sensation of kissing his skin wasn't very different from other things, in fact it was almost like giving a kiss to my wayward pet.

However, when I moved away from the sudden display of affection, a hand on the back of my neck stopped me, forcing our lips to connect with each other with a gentle but forceful push.

With my pupils dilated, I was surprised, knowing that I couldn't escape his grasp, I limited myself to just letting him follow his path with the contact, unless until he wanted to stop.

—I guess that's a sign of trust, —He playfully separated from me —, tell me, will you give me more signs of trust in the future?

Playful and idiotic, I guess I discovered a new side of him.

≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦≧◉◡◉≦

[heyclickadee]

Things about "The Outpost" that are still killing me:

1. That airstrip was huge. And by the time we see Mayday and Crosshair on it they've been walking across it for a while, at the rate they’re going. The TK troopers don't see them at first, but once they do, they gather, see this:

These two men, barely on their feet, clearly in pain, one of them unable to keep holding on to his crutch anymore, staggering towards them inch by inch, looking towards them for help--not a single one of the TK troopers offers any kind of assistance whatsoever. No one calls for a medic, no one rushes forward to carry Mayday. They all just stand there and watch. And when Nolan tells them to go, they do, because they probably don't see the clones that differently than Nolan does.  

Yeah, Lieutenant Nolan is an asshole. He went from, "I'm probably going to dislike this guy," to, "LOATHE," in my book with a single line. He's a pathetic officer-wannabe who genuinely thinks of the clones as machinery he can push around and direct how he likes. He doesn't see the problem with kicking around someone like Mayday--someone who technically outranks him, I think--or the danger inherent in goading someone like Crosshair, because he doesn't see either of them as reasoning, emotion-having people who may just retaliate if pushed far enough. He's a snake and he deserved what he got. But his malice is more than matched by the TK troopers' apathy.

2. The way that there's ice and snow frozen to Crosshair's armor on the landing strip, and the fact that Mayday can't quite make it to the end of the tarmac, nor is Crosshair able to continue carrying him. They're both so cold and tired. They've both hit their physical limit and it would have been enough if anyone had cared to help.

3. Crosshair is--literally--stripped of everything that marks him as an imperial soldier or a soldier at all by the end of the episode, and most of it is stuff he casts aside himself. His CT number (in a way, when he gives Mayday his name), his helmet that he doesn't even look for (there as SO MANY good helmet metas out there, so I'm not going to get into it), his rifle (which he gives to Mayday to use as a crutch and doesn't retrieve when Mayday drops it), his backpack (I'm guessing it got too heavy so he threw it away to keep carrying Mayday), and even his armor, reflection mirror...sticker...things, and sidepiece (all of which are taken from him after he blacks out. I'm not real happy about the fact that the scientists at Mount Tantiss changed his clothes while he was unconscious). Of course, the last few function a little bit differently than they first ones do. The CT number, the helmet, the rifle, and I guess (?) even the backpack (though to a much lesser extent) are all Crosshair intentionally putting his imperial identity aside in order to help someone he sees as a brother and re-humanizing himself in the process. The last couple--the armor, the sidepiece--that's the writers telling us how vulnerable Crosshair is in his current situation.

4. The SNOW and the way it interacted with the CHARACTERS was just *chef's kiss* Credit to Joel Aron and the effects department, you guys knocked it out of the park.

5. Likewise, while I'm really glad The Bad Batch does list the names of the animators at CGCG who worked on each episode in the credits (because guess what--not every animated show does this. Sometimes they just list the name of the studio), I really want to know which animators were responsible for animating Crosshair this time around. Or at least Crosshair's shots, since the way I think it often works is that an animator will be assigned a series of shots and be responsible for animating everyone in those shots, because oh boy, was that a performance. Crosshair's animation has always been standout, I think partly (partly) because he's a character that doesn't actually talk that much, and says stuff he doesn't mean at least half the time, so there has to be a certain level of clarity and nuance in his performance for the character comes across the way the writers intend (and partly because being an ultra-expressive but taciturn bundle of emotions is a big part of Crosshair as a person). But the team working on this episode took something that was already great and kicked it up another level.

6. I want to know if Jennifer Corbett, the board artists, layout artists, the other writers, the directors, and others high-fived each other when they came up with the ice vulture symbolism and the rock-wings shot. I want to know if they knew we'd go crazy over it.

7. Mayday. Literally everything about Mayday. Mayday my beloved. *cries*

8. The look on Crosshair's face when he's about to pass out and sees the TK troopers coming still messes me up, because it's the closest thing we've gotten to a real smile (one that actually reaches his eyes) pretty much since he was teasing Echo in the med bay in "Aftermath." Crosshair's someone who's come across as to me passively suicidal since the moment he turned around after the droid fight in "Return to Kamino" and saw Hunter and the rest pointing their guns at him. Passively--meaning that he's not going to actually do anything, that he doesn't actually want to die, he’ll survive however he can, but that he's not exactly planning for the future, either. He'll just keep doing what he's doing until it (almost definitely) kills him. And. I mean. Crosshair's not stupid. He knows what killing Lieutenant Nolan means for him. I'm not saying that Crosshair didn't expect to wake up afterwards, or that he wanted to not wake up, but I am saying that he did decide that avenging Mayday and defying the Empire in whatever small way he could was worth dying for. And that he was very, very tired.

9. I'm so! Glad! That Crosshair's growth wasn't centered around Omega, Wrecker, Tech, Hunter, or Echo. We already know that he cares about them. Showing us the lengths he'll go to help a relative stranger instead and making that his breaking point does so much more to tell us that he's grown.

10. The thing that sticks with me most, though, is the fact that this episode wasn't just sad. It wasn't just unrelenting tragedy, or even like "The Solitary Clone," where overriding emotion of the whole episode is despair. I mean, yes, this episode is sad. It's tragic. You have Lieutenant Nolan's cruelty, you have the malice of the Empire, you have the apathy of the TK troopers, the dehumanization of the clones, the soul-crushing way in which Mayday and Crosshair find out that the clones were always going to be replaced, that inevitability, the futility (on one level) struggle that ends in Mayday's death. 

But it's not just that. There's warmth, too. There's camraderie and a little bit of humor. Mayday, a survivor starting to see how pointless it all was, and Crosshair, who's so desperate for companionship at this point that he'd pack bond with a rock, snark back and forth at each other a little bit like old friends. Heck, this is the episode where we get the most profound act of compassion we've seen in the show so far. Mayday didn't have to disarm that mine and save Crosshair, but he did, and it matters. No, Mayday didn't make it, but Crosshair carried him through a blizzard for two days and made sure he didn't get left behind or die alone, even if he couldn't save him, and that matters. Yes, Crosshair's a prisoner now, but he chose to avenge Mayday, grab hold of his own humanity again, and told the Empire where to stuff it, and that matters. Kindness and defiance have their own meaning, even if they don't change the outcome. But the fact that this episode is more than just sad is, I think, why it's so harrowing in the first place.

[legendary-defender-of-fandoms]

Pros of seeing Beetlejuice by myself either before or after seeing it with my family:

My sister in particular hates seeing stuff live with me because I get too invested. Idk if I clap & cheer too loud, or whisper too much about the stuff I like as the show is going on, or if it’s just a Me Being Her Annoying Little Sister thing, but it always feels like her agreeing to be seen in public with me is a huge sacrifice on her part. If I see the show by myself, I can have one Core Memory of enjoying the production without worrying about embarrassing her.

My brother’s being a bit of a sad sack right now, and God knows how long his moping will last (long, stupid story not worth recounting). Hopefully he’ll be better by June, but I’m not holding my breath. Again, seeing the show by myself means I’ll have one memory of it being just me & the Bug Man (and a few hundred strangers).

My relationship with my dad is . . . complicated. He said yes to seeing the show, but I think it’s because he had nothing else going on that night. He doesn’t have the ambition to reach out & ask others if they want to hang out, and I got tired of always initiating. And it might be kind of awkward watching Charles & Lydia go through THEIR complicated relationship while my dad is right there.

Our seats for the show aren’t the best in the house. We’re way in the back next to the sound booth. Good shot of center stage, I’m sure we’ll see everything that happens. But I wish I’d bought the tickets sooner so I could be in one of the Audience Interaction Zones. If I’m gonna be the only weirdo saying “AWWWWWW” while the rest of the audience is laughing at Beetlejuice’s abandonment issues, I want to be HEARD, God damnit!

Stinky lonely pansexual bug man make brain go brrrrr.

Cons of seeing Beetlejuice by myself either before or after seeing it with my family:

Money. I think tickets are a little over $100 a pop. I make enough money to make it fine to spend almost $500 on tickets to see a show with 3 others, and I can definitely swing an extra ticket to see it by myself. It’s more the principle of the thing. Is it WORTH spending an extra $100 to see the same show twice? (The part of my brain that’s hyperfixating on Beetlejuice is screaming “HELL FUCKING YEAH!!!”, but the practical side of my brain is annoying & whispering “you have bills to pay, your cats need to go to the vet, what if you lose your job even though you have crazy stupid job security”)

Availability. If I decide to see the show by myself, I have to decide NOW because tickets went crazy fast (or maybe they went super slow but were available for ages & I didn’t know because I just got bit by the BeetleBug last month). I was lucky to find four seats together for the show I’m already booked for. Finding one seat by myself won’t be quite as hard, but they might be gone by June.

My family will judge me. Not really a con, more of a fact of life. They already judge me for the rest of my “personality quirks” (aka my problems that they’re already aware of). Does it really matter if they have yet another reason to give me the side-eye at holiday gatherings or complain about me to friends, coworkers, and the rest of the family? I can think of at least one company of performers who would say life is WAY too short to deny myself simple pleasures.

Pathetic as it is, I DO have a life. Sort of. I don’t want to be dead on my feet at work or when I’m supposed to be taking care of my niece, and I don’t have the time to spare for the matinee. Or maybe I do - I probably won’t know until it’s too late to get my ticket.

I have no idea how long this brain rot is going to last. It’s burning hot & bright right now, but it could burn itself out before I see the show in person. It seems unlikely, but there’s still a risk.

[syneilesis]

Unfinished Synfic #2

Metafurically

Obey Me! | Satan x Reader; rom-com AU

In a curious turn of events, you’ve become the caretaker of six cute kittens, and have caught the eye of an equally cute, green-eyed blond.

Notes: Yes, that's actually the title; no, I don't regret it. It's been a while since I played Obey Me. I found that I couldn't juggle more than three mobile games lol the daily log in already exhausts me haha. I still have it installed so someday I'll probably play it again.

So like, in this AU, the brothers sans Satan go to the human world for some reason and they turned into kittens because they broke the law or something. You found them all sad and pathetic and so you brought them into your home to take care of them. They got attached to you like barnacles. Satan goes up to find his brothers but gets distracted by a curious little bookshop.

You're a part-time employee at Simeon's bookstore and a full-time grad student. At first you just find this blond green-eyed customer cute; he likes mystery genres too much. But then one day, he buys Howl's Moving Castle and all of a sudden you're in love.

I still have other notes for this one, like your names for the kittens (you're unimaginative sadly), but I'm too lazy to look for my notebook lol

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single bookstore worker in possession of a great inventory of books must be in want of an extra room.

“I’m not selling them,” you said, “I just need a place to store them.”

At the mystery/thriller aisle, Simeon ticked his checklist and smiled without glancing your way.

“Where do you even get your money for all your books? As far as I know, this is your only part-time job. And you’re still a grad student.”

You flinched a bit from his question, thinking about your life choices when it came to spending your savings. “Would you believe me if I said I keep an eye on sales and discounts? There are always monthly promos on this site that I frequent …”

Simeon frowned, before moving on to the romance section. “You’re buying books online?”

Oh, no. “I, ah. I mean.” What to say, what to say. “I could buy books here …”

From the bookshelves to your left, Simeon emerged, notepad under his arm, disappointment radiating from every pore of his body. You had no problems with offending people, unwittingly or otherwise, but there was something about Simeon that compelled you to avoid making him all sad and disappointed. The first time you had met him, in your interview for the part-time job, he reminded you of your grandma, all kind smile and cotton-soft voice. But that was before you discovered that he could give an impressive dressing down worthy of a ten-minute standing ovation—which you actually did, much to his chagrin.

Regardless of whether he’s kind or snarky, you just didn’t want to let him down.

Simeon sighed, already used to your impulses. “Have you even read them all?”

“Yes!” A beat. “Well, no.” Another beat. “I mean, I’m more than halfway through—”

“You should refrain from buying books for a while.”

“But think about the discounts.”

Simeon’s brows dipped and his mouth opened—most likely to give a sermon about the virtues of saving money—but whatever he was going to say was cut off by the sudden tinkling of the door chime, signalling a customer.

“I need to sort the newly arrived books; you handle this.” And with a last cursory look at the romance aisle, Simeon headed off to the storage room.

You return to your spot by the cash register, your eyes homing in on the person who entered. Tall, blond, and had a weird way of wearing his jacket. He looked at home surrounded by books, sifting through fantasy, sci-fi, romance, then lingering on the mystery section. At this point you would have asked if he needed assistance, but your preoccupation with your new batch of ordered books held you at bay. If he wanted to inquire about something, he would approach you anyway.

Minutes later, in the middle of mentally listing your storeroom options, Sherlock Holmes materialized in your line of vision.

You looked up, and all the cells in your body halted for one dazzling second.

Huh.

You would’ve tilted your head and stared some more, but work came first.

“Is this all?” you asked, your finger tapping the book.

Across the counter, the customer offered a friendly smile, nodding, his striking green eyes reminding you of summer foliage. “Yeah.”

For some reason you couldn’t reciprocate the smile. “Right.”

When Simeon came back to check up on you, he found you staring at the window in a daze.

“Did something happen?”

“Not really,” you answered, voice slightly dreamy. Then you turned to Simeon, and your lips stretched into a grin. “I’m feeling productive today. I think I can solve my storage problem and my dissertation problem.”

Needless to say, you were right on the money.

+

One week ago, you had been dealt with a conundrum.

“What.”

In front of you, blocking your way to the entrance to your apartment building, were six kittens IT STOPS HERE LOL

[fragileizywriting]

bear with me okay here's an idea (it's not necessarily original, but just. let me have this okay)

kitty and luka have been best friends since birth, really. luka is the prince of [hhhhhhhhhuuhmmmm. uh.] and he needs to find a partner. anarka is deadset on him getting someone to help him out rule, because he's more of a sailor than an actual prince, and lord knows she won't rule this country because she's also more of a sailor than actual queen.

meanwhile kitty is the most aquaphobic person in the world. boats are fine, they're great, but she's kitty— just like a cat, she's a land animal, and luka teases her all the time about it. there's not a single moment that she's on his ship does he not throw her overboard just to hear her scream out explicitives in his direction before climbing back on board like a pathetic wet cat.

(she always throws him overboard as a compensation.)

so there's a giant festival for luka to find someone. very cinderella-like. kitty follows behind on every single part of the festival, following behind luka as a right-hand-man(kitty) and the two of them are kind of dreading the whole thing. luka thinks this is way too much, anarka's just telling him to find someone that won't immediately blow up the country (surely there's someone that isn't going to try to stage a coup) and get on with doing what he actually wants which is sailing; kitty meanwhile just doesn't like the idea of all these girls (and guys!) giggling behind their hands and blushing whenever luka passes by.

he's not a prince charming, okay. he's some dude. she's watched him attempt to eat a whole hard-boiled egg in one swallow and she's watched the result of him spitting it across the table. this is the man who claimed he'd eat his own leather boots if he really needed to in an emergency and she'd watched him attempt to nibble on his shoe laces and proceed to throw up in the nearest flower pot. she's seen him walk into doors and go so quiet when she's reading a book and he's staring at her like she's reading a completely different language. he knows his way around a map and a compass better than a dance floor. she pities the poor dumbass who thinks prince luka knows how to dance. those poor toes... forget glass, whoever dances with him better have some steel-toed shoes.

one of the advisors that's slowly been culling out prince luka's potential suitors came from three kingdoms over just so there wouldn't be that much of a bias. they're still keeping an eye on him to make sure he's not trying to stage a coup by putting someone specific in the listing. kitty in particular has been paying so much attention that the adivosr takes it the wrong way and assumes that she's giving him the adhd glare because of other reasons— on the final round, for whatever reason kitty is put in the line. she's panicking. no amount of her saying "wait no, no, i'm not— hold on, you can't be serious," gets the advisor to listen. she tries to escape through the doors but the guards find it funny and refuse to let her budge. they think it's a prank. the advisor has no idea who she is. she barters with one of the guards— kim— to let her go and she'll get him a shot with one of the girls who had passed by recently and got let out because she was annoying.

no dice.

she's pulled right back in line. arguing and bickering, threatening to open every thread and suture on anyone's clothes who touches her and puts her back.

prince luka comes by just in time to see her standing there in line, bug-eyed, face hotter than anything in the world.

he looks at her.

keeps staring.

brows scrunched.

trying not to piss himself laughing.

she is shaking her head like she's begging god to not let this happen.

"i've found my partner," luka announces, and by the strength of willpower alone, kitty is not giving into the urge to tackle him and shut him up. "she's beautiful, and i know without a doubt she's smart. there's no one better than her. i choose her."

[idleorbitals]

only friends ep 3 watch through (part 2/2)

(part 1)

got too wordy again for a single post. maybe next week I will do Less Scenes. not right now tho

*begin vid section [3/4]*

boston and nick pull up to the party in the car we understand boston and top will be banging in later tonight. nick asks about top and mew and boston says, to nick's face, that mew is soooo into top but won't admit it. then they both play at accusing the other of being into top. I don't think either of them is into top. nick is into boston and boston is into conquest

there is faint eerie music playing over this entire scene. also this shot is just....gorgeously composed. goddamn

I don't know folks boston is such a manipulative jerk. we see it right here in this scene when he tells nick he can call their relationship what he wants to keep him on the hook. but also he is broadcasting to nick over and over how casual he wants to keep this and like. I don't sympathize with boston at all but idk if nick still has a firm grasp on the moral high ground here. not least, you know, now that we know that nick is bugging boston as this conversation happens

at the party we get a brief little sandray flirting scene. sand's "I don't know, I'm not a jukebox" line is an absolute winner in my book. ray casts move into your flirt-ee's personal space, say something suggestive in a low tone, and then smirk. straight out of ayan's book. haven't counted but this has definitely happened in nearly every scene they've shared so far

*pre read more warning this got Long*

mew smells a sandray rat. ray swears he doesn't have feelings for sand and thinks he's telling the truth. top walks up and ray gives him the stink eye but cannot compete with this entirely over the top (pun intended) move from sand:

baby doesn't do subtle even though he seems to think he can

boston shows up to mess with ray so that ray will help him mess with topmew. ray says "who's sleeping with who is not my business" which is generally true and nice of him to say but you know. he's feeling it anyhow. especially as boston keeps digging in on how pathetic ray is and how manipulative top is. boston really setting himself up for the karmic retribution here

then boston proceeds back into the kitchen to mess with top about mew and ray. particularly noteworthy here is that the picture he has of them was obviously taken without permission. was this a funny little *ooh my friends are kissing each other* moment for boston?? did he have some kind of motive even then to be creepy? is this just to add to his bad guy cred? anyway he promises he has even more but he's not going to show it to top unless he comes to find him in the parking lot after the party. now nick walks in and eavesdrops on this whole conversation. mess! mess! mess!

now boston is sending nick home alone but says "i'm worried about you" and this is a lie! I think! but it's hard to be sure bc everyone's lying all over the place here. we know that boston is staying behind to try to get in top's pants and nick is staying behind to watch and no one is to be trusted. "I'm a grown up" nick says, "no one dares to hurt me" in the voice of dramatic irony. then he says "look at my face" and pouts very cutely at boston

idk this reads to me as a genuinely fond expression. dunno if that's relevant but it feels notable somehow. I guess what I'm trying to say is boston is obviously a manipulative asshole but for everything he's pulling with top-mew-ray right now the main thing he could really be accused of with nick is stringing him along. he's obsessed with top for separate reasons than nick is obsessed with him but they are looking more alike than different in this episode to me

meanwhile mew comes upon ray watching sand pack up and accuses him of having feelings again. mew is picking up on some things ray seems to still be oblivious to. but also not picking up on some other very big things??

mew says: "you can finally get rid of your loneliness" "I want you to be happy" and this absolute kicker:

yes he is, because his crush just took him around the shoulder and told him he wanted him to be happy while gazing lovingly into his eyes.

especially now that we have proof positive that something happened between them in past it makes this difficult to read. can mew possibly claim ignorance of ray's feelings atp? is he well aware but doesn't return them and is trying to be a good friend by encouraging him to pursue something with sand? what's the line here?

ray's iconic throwing of the solo cup after mew leaves with top gets cut for, according to p'jojo, shot continuity reasons. interesting because not having it there gives a minor bump to how sym/pathetic ray looks coming out of this scene. once again he gets the nicest framing here and I could be wrong but I don't think this is my bias showing

*begin vid section [4/4]*

here come ray and sand to have their weirdly wholesome dynamic where sand checks in on ray looking blue all night and ray checks in on sand getting home safely

sand is having rideshare issues and ray insists on taking him home and sand gazes longingly up at ray from like half a foot above him once again. unreal

cut to brief shot where mew insists top goes home instead of coming in with him. good job advocating for yourself mew but bad job choosing the option that leads to at least two more messes tonight alone

sandray car makeout scene (the first?? 👀👀). I wrote a lot of this up here and in the interest of not making this post any longer than it already is that's where it's going to live

but I will use just a little bit of all that space I saved on this shot of ray looking absolutely blissed out about these moves

and also these much less fun character beats. in the first one ray looks up from the phone call and there's this awful moment where we see him look over at sand like he's just remembering he's there. ray cares about sand already more than he thinks he does. but when mew calls his attention refocuses so entirely on him that sand's feelings don't even rank. this whole thing feels so real and they're playing it so well

ray chews on his bottom lip and gazes forlornly after sand as he goes but he doesn't try to stop him or fight him when he says they're better off leaving it as a one night stand. I read this as an almost thoughtful move. ray has expressed already that he'd like to keep seeing sand but that this is contingent on sand being comfortable leaving emotional involvement out of it. right now ray knows his own priority is mew, and it would be a dickish, boston-ish move to try to pin sand down by placating him on his way out

we'll see what's up next for these two though. my guess based on what we've seen so far? ray will start to pursue sand more emotionally sincerely; he will hang onto the just-friends line but justify this to himself and to sand as showing proper care toward his new friend who he also happens to want to bang. sand will be drawn back in despite his better judgement. eventually they will concede that they are not just friends any more but/and ray's feelings for and prioritization of mew will keep messing with the dynamic. sand will find out about ray's long running feelings for mew but probably not from ray himself, and he will feel hurt and used, rightfully or not. as they continue to hurt each other they will both blame themselves, sand because he thinks he should have known better and ray because he does self-hatred like it's a competitive sport

can't wait

okay final scene: boston and top have their long-teased car sex and nick stands in a lit doorway a stones throw away watching and listening to the whole thing. I have many thoughts here but instead I'm going to just take the moment to appreciate some of the mechanics of this scene bc it exemplifies how many moving pieces they are stitching together to elevate this show to the next level narratively and compositionally:

-sand slamming the door as he gets out of ray's car perfectly synched with top closing the door as he climbs into boston's car is chef's kiss

-another absolutely gorgeous shot. the contrast of this one with the same shot (see top of post) of boston and nick except we see boston and top through the windshield and the rain

-boston sitting there behind the steering wheel of his perfect little car literally and metaphorically driving the plot with his manipulations

-neo's acting in this scene holy moly

👏 CI👏 NE👏 MA

(all ofts watch throughs)

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

001 for Remadora 😃

oh ho ho get ready for an essay @in-love-with-remus-lupin!

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did: I don't know if there was ever a point that I didn't ship them. I always liked Remus and Tonks, but it was on a reread of the series as an adult that I latched onto them with such ferocity that it turned into an irresponsible amount of fanfic (I'm closing in on almost 2 million words on ao3, yikes). I liked them more than all other ships combined.

my thoughts: Thinking back to my pre-fanfic days (which was less than two years ago), Remadora was, to me, always a cute ship. I loved the idea of Remus Lupin, a certified sad man, finding love in the form of this bubbly, colorful witch. I loved the idea of Tonks, a badass Auror, getting a family of her own and an adorable little boy who was so like her. Post-fanfic days, there's so much more that I can say, simply out of having read different headcanons about them or seeing how Tonks and Remus were treated in the fandom. I was so shocked to see that Remus was shipped with Sirius at least 10x more frequently than with Tonks, and then the bashing of Tonks that resulted from the way she was written in canon (which admittedly wasn't great, so we Tonks stans have to do some lifting to give her what JKR didn't). Now obviously the book series is Harry Potter and the [insert magical atrocity here], not Remus and the [insert attempt to find love in all the wrong places here]. So from a standpoint of Harry, I know why Tonks was written the way she was, but from the perspective of for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy JKR why did you do another terrible thing, Tonks had so much wasted potential. So post-fanfic days I see a much deeper, richer view of both of these characters, their ship, and how they relate to the world around them. It's only deepened my love for Remadora.

What makes me happy about them: Remus finally gets love, acceptance, and a family. Tonks gets an adorable little boy and a husband who finds the greatest happiness in his life from her and Teddy. Look at all that happy. LOOK AT IT.

What makes me sad about them: Canonically, their deaths. I will reverse it a thousand times in my fics, in a thousand different ways.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Tonks bashing, to start. Any form of Tonks as an evil manipulator, as a stand-in for Sirius by morphing to look like him, as a pushy, pathetic loser who doesn't know how to accept a no, any degradation of her character from a misogynistic lens - all that annoys me. On Remus's end, him not caring about her, him not loving her, him using her as a stand-in for Sirius, him not really caring about his family, or his refusal of her interpreted as him not liking her. The simple matter is that Remus didn't want to date her because he loved her and wanted to give her a better life than he could give her. Tonks didn't care and wanted to give him the love she thought he deserved. Any ways in which they're written that they don't actually love each other is an immediate no from me.

things I look for in fanfic: Strong, badass Tonks. Yes, she's sad and upset during HBP, so give me more reasons than just Remus. Is it because Sirius died? Is it because she's stationed at Hogsmeade, which is glorified babysitting and not super action-y? Is it because the Death Eaters are out in the open and her parents (mother especially) are constantly worried for her? Give me a complex Tonks. For Remus, give me one who is capable of so much love and kindness, but is worried and dark too. The man was ready to kill Peter in front of Harry & co, with no impact on his conscience. Yes, Remus is a broken man, but he's got a dark side, so show it. For Remadora together, give me a good progression of their relationship. I don't really care how they start, whether friends to lovers or idiots to lovers, but I want to see the pining for each other, especially Remus's sad pathetic pining and inner conflict. Give me Tonks's bubbliness and happiness and Remus being attracted to her like a moth to flame, ready to die just to get close to her.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: They're my OTP, so they're always endgame for me. For Remus, I don't see any other romantic relationships. Maybe some trysts here and there, but I don't think he really fell in love with anyone until Tonks. For Tonks, I see some partners before Remus, but none that I see as endgame. For Tonks's patronus to change to Remus's, I think there had to be a big shift for her. I just can't see them not being together.

My happily ever after for them: They survive the Battle of Hogwarts and have a gaggle of little Lupins. In most stories I'll give them 2-4 kids. Remus goes back to teaching, Tonks goes back to being a badass Auror. It's not smooth sailing, of course. If you read my story, Cariad, you'll see how I break them apart to put them back together. They get a happily ever after but they really gotta earn it, lol.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Tonks is the big spoon. Remus loves being the little spoon.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Hanging out as a family together. Remus getting to go anywhere with Tonks & Teddy (and other kids maybe) and just being a family. Remus adores them so so so so much. They're his everything, and Tonks loves seeing Remus so happy and fulfilled.

asks about ships and characters

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Made it through chapters 13-18 today and I wanted to start this one off by mentioning something that I noticed a while ago but neglected to mention here so far, which is that Feyre uses Ihr/Euch when referring to Tamlin and I think Lucien and even Alis as well (Ihr/Euch is the Formal You thats used to refer to nobility (as opposed to the more common Sie/Ihnen which is the Formal You used in others contexts)), while Tamlin and Lucien refer to Feyre by du (Informal You) and Alis refers to her by Ihr/Eugh as well. I wanna try and keep track of when Feyre starts to use the Informal You for Tamlin because its a small detail but it always signals a pretty big shift in the relationship in german-language media and I think its really neat

Anyway, now onto the other stuff; i remember that I complained about the pacing feeling very slow in my first post and I would like to say that thats gotten a lot better, at least on the level of individual scenes. When it comes to the story as a whole though, I feel like its moving unnaturally quickly. Like, its a little hard to describe but Feyres character development and her warming up to the fae feels like its happening in chunks rather than a smooth, natural progression. The fact that SJM's writing is incredibly unsubtle isnt helpful either, it just makes the unnatural-ness of it all stick out that much more. I wouldve definitely needed atleast one realization of "Oh, these guys arent that different from me and the people I knew in my life" from Feyre before she started warming up to them and feeling sorry for Andras' death because as it stands, her feeling guilty felt very sudden

While the fae are still dissappointing overall and I despise the horrible What-if-America-colonized-the-British-Isles ass layout and the exposition was clunkier than ever before, I did like all the non-high fae fea creatures, the Suriel and the Bogge in particular, its truly incredible how interesting SJM's writing can be when shes not too focused on the most generically handsome basically-human-except-they-fuckin-growl-and-roar men

Speaking of those men, I continue to find Tamlin pretty charming although hes definitely definitely not my type, my type are pathetic submissive easily flustered guys, but given that this is a book by Sarah J Maas a guy who actually has hobbies outside of fighting and fucking might be all I can hope for. Despite that, I like Luien a lot more and I find his relationship with Feyre far more compelling. Like, him giving Feyre that dagger telling her not to stab him in the back with it was absolutely lovely, not mention his incredibly interesting family drama. Like ughhhhhhh whyd SJM decide she wanted to subvert expectations by having Feyre end up with Rhysand when Lucien is literally right there. Although granted, I think a large part of the reason I feel that way is because Feyre and Tamlin havent really interacted too much in almost 200 hundred pages while Feyre and Lucien have spent a decent amount of time alone already and its a little baffling because its not like Feylin have absolutely no time together, its just that we dont really see it. Like, we dont see their almost nightly dinners and its really frustrating because Im not even someone who really enjoys this kind of bland cishet "dark romance" thats popular on booktok, but like, whats the point of a beauty and the beast retelling where you dont see the beauty and beast slowly get to know each other. Its even more frustrating when I remember that like a quarter or maybe even a third of this book is gonna be all the Under The Mountain bullshit, like you know you can just tell a smaller scale romance story in a fantasy setting without a big war right

[cogbreath]

what is your opinion on pro ship discourse? I know it is a tough or awkward subject, you do not have to answer this

im not proship myself but at the same time it seems completely unrealistic and infeasible to try to put a stop to it, people r gonna write and create stuff like that no matter what, and i genuinely do believe that some of it is done for shock value/attention , and giving it a response or acknowledgment is what they want. basically i take a sort of "dont feed the trolls" mentality about it. i dont want to see it but i also dont want to let it get to me. the internet is a place where theres some truly heinous and nasty shit out there and i feel like you'll destroy yourself mentally if you make it a major thing to worry about.

i do kinda live online but the fsct is that for the most part (outside of some things ive heard abt happening at like fan conventions) that it can be avoided by logging off. so becsuse of that as well i dont find it exactly an issue thats worth prioritising the way some ppl who r against pro-ship stuff are.

way more important things to spend your life worrying over.

what i find very annoying is the whole "dont like dont read" defense, and its really pathetic and stupid the way proshippers act like their writings are immune from criticism, or that any criticism that is against the subject matter in their writings is invalid, and they cry "harassment" too often.

frankly you shouldnt be surprised also that ppl will tell you to kill yourself and think thst youre disgusting if youre writing that kind of stuff, and i cant feel sorry for you if you dont have the backbone to take it. if its a problem then stop writing that stuff lol. if u have the guts to do it you should have the guts to handle the hate.

also the way some of them literally compare criticism to actual book burnings and police violence??? which is racist and ludicrous.

a lot of them also looveeee to use lolita as a gotcha but the truth is their writings are nothing like nabokovs in terms of quality and worth, and they dont seem to realise he wrote that as a critique of the normalisation and glamourisation of pedophilia.

out of morbid curiosity i once read a fanfic that touted itself as being inspired by such. i wanted to see what that author thinks being inspired by nabokov's work means, and not big surprise, it was masturbatory slop.

sure its possible that you can write fanfic that involves dubious subjects like that and do it well, but its rare.

irt to people who say they write it to cope, i have my doubts on that as well unless its a story where its clear that characters involved will grow and heal, or its very clear its written as a cautionary tale or something to that effect. maybe some ppl out there legit do cope with writing something that i find to just be nasty masturbatory slop, i dont know, but i dont know if thsts actually a healthy coping mechanism.

many ppl say that if you want to do that you should make it all original, but i think we are past that point, and fanfic is a medium that a lot of ppl use to express and cope about things. I've done it myself (albeit unpublished) and i find that argument to mostly be based in that they feel its cringe bc its fanfic rather than anything to do with genuine criticism.

ive also noticed the emergence of new terms like "comship" ? i kind of forget whst this means i think its like being neutral on it? i find it a bit shitty that ppl consider neutrality on it to be a bad thing? i csnt blame someone for not giving a shit about it. i think its lame to expect everyone whos involved with fandom to pick a camp to sit in, especially when the subject matter is often triggering. someones neutrality could be bc they dont want to think about it too much for that reason.

and as far as it goes though for RPF? i think it's really not THAT bad of a thing. especially bc in all honesty its moreso about that persons public persona. & just because its parasocial doesnt mean its wrong to do, thats simply a descriptor of the dynamic between fanbases & public figures. there is some absolutely NASTY and questionable stuff out there especially like for kpop bands 😭

that being said public figures do have the right to be uncomfortable about it either way and i do find it unfortunate and disrespectful that fans arent willing to listen to them when/if they say they dont like having it written about them. ABSOLUTELY shouldnt write it about irl minors though regardless.

oh and also like if ur writing it about like. ur coworker or someone u kno personally thats kinda really creepy . but its also not wrong to fantasise about people thought crimes arent real. just. dont publish it or show them that

anyway feel free to disagree with anything i have an open mind abt this most of its based off personal inference i havent rlly ever discussed it much ^_^

[azulashengrottospiano]

if you want to ask about idia shroud...

hi you. you either came here out of your own curiosity or you sent an ask about "mr. hot topic on my blog for the past year" and i don't feel like explaining myself again.

first i will show you the reasons why i hated him. then you will get my opinion now. have fun ig!!

WHY I HATED IDIA SHROUD:

number one. he is such a know it all. he constantly acts like hes better than other people and is so SO condensing whenever someone struggles with something that he knows how to do well. he's just such an asshat when he seems someone that he could HELP. "a toddler could do that-" yeah idia, you know what else a baby could do? run a lap without wheezing and keeling over.

number two. he is so ungrateful whenever people do stuff for him. the ghost marriage event highlighter that about him because for fucks sakes these people tried to save your stupid ass life and all you could do was berate them. ok die then! they came here for YOU. how DARE you talk to them like that.

number THREE. he insults the hell out of rollo for his "lets get rid of magic plan" and berates him for it when their trauma is so similar and they could have had a genuine conversation, but also hey idia you FUCKING HYPOCRITE, you tried to TAKE OVER THE FUCKING WORLD FOR YOUR BROTHER. YOU DID WAY WORSE THAN ROLLO DID YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COME AT HIM LIKE THAT.

hes just so snobby and whenever someone calls him out on his bullshit (like leona!!) he is always ALWAYS like "um i didnt say anything" LIKE BITCH IF YOURE GOING TO SHIT TALKS OMEONE BACK IT UP. I HATE YOUR ASS YOURE SO PATHETIC AND SUCH A HYPOCRITE AND SO HORRIBLE.

WHY I LIKE HIM NOW:

first first first!! the thing that made me gasp the softest gasp i have ever gasped in my life when i first saw it...his pink hair. its a bit superficial i guess but now that i like idia i think he's stunning. he's so hauntingly beautiful, especially when he's just a little bit flustered and the tips of his hair turn pink. what i would do to see his whole head turn pink PLEASE.

i also think his smile is so silly, even though it's usually accompanied by his smug ass voice "should'a leveled up more!" SHUT UP!!!!! i love his sharp teeth theyre so goofy nd silly but in a cute way. honestly i think his scowl is cute too, idk maybe i just like his lips but watching them twist up in annoyance when he rolls his eyes is attractive to me dont ask i dont know either. does that say something about me? maybe. i'm content with not knowing.

onto less superficial things...i just finished reading book six yesterday and it struck me how idia's heart is genuinely so beautiful. he loves so gently and fully, but with devotion that would destroy the world if he let it loose. being loved and treasured by idia is a privilege, because once he lets you in he would do anything for you (just dont fuck it up or i will beat you up im being so serious LEAVE HIM ALONE)

the extent to which he cares for ortho is so beautiful and so heartbreaking. "leave it to your big bro" im dead. everything he does is for ortho to have a safe and fulfilling life and honestly...it kind of seems like idia is trying to pay ortho back in a sense? like you died (because of me), now i will spend the rest of my life mourning you as punishment. he wants to give him the best life possible and thats just so ourgourgouhgohou,,,, his grieving is so complex and yet its so simple. heartbreaking i tell you.

on a lighter note, he's very passionate about the things he's into as well. one thing about figuring our how to like idia was turning my reaction to his condescending jabs from "oh he's such a know it all bitch what the hell people are literally just indulging in his interests what is wrong with him?" TO "oh he's just excited and getting an adrenaline rush, it's going to his head. he's happy. :)" and that was absolutely growth on my part because. ok AUBURN LORE TIME but i used to have a friend who was very condescending and a HUGE know it all (irl IRL IRL) and i think they definitely impacted how i saw idia because i saw bits of them in him. and since they hurt me so much i projected my experiences with them onto idia, so the first time i met him in game i wrote him off immediately and hated him after i saw what he said to others and how he acted.

but one of the many problems with that approach was that i missed the gentler sides of him. the way he goes back to school for ortho. the way he powers through the masquerade social for ortho. his idea of yuu being "valuable emotional support." his love of cats, regardless of how bad he scared grim. his love of star rogue and the way he made the sequel actually happen, albiet unintentionally. i spent so much time resenting him because "of course he's just another one of those." that i didn't stop to notice anything about him except for those bad moments. and of course, i'm not ignoring them now, i just see them differently. i see him differently.

of course i love that he's relatable, and that he's smart, and i love how when he's comfortable he loses his filter and becomes idia shroud instead of just being Scared of them, but i think that's just. social anxiety. and yk what ive said this before but even when i hated him i would NOT stand for anyone coming for his anxiety. like yeah i hate idia shroud but BITCH GET AWAY FROM HIM. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ANXIETY IS LIKE!!! put me in nrc right now idia shroud needs someone who will yell at people for him and thats going to be ME. i dont care who you are you say shit you are earning my IRE. trey clover got yelled at. no one is safe.

can i just say i love how you said "reason" like there's only one JDSJSDJSD LMAO IDK IT WAS JUST FUNNY TO ME when i love someone i have multiple reasons and i love every part of them, even the bad annoying icky parts (in fact, if you can't love their bad parts too is it even love...? i dont know, we all have different definitions anyway. some might think tolerating their bad parts is love too and we'd both be right.) theres no one reason i just think he's lovely inside and out now. he's an angel, basically.