#i know its part of the metaphor and i appreciate that but i just dont like the execution of it

[dullahandyke]

You guys keep falling for people going 'lol you're identifying the wrong way' wrt queer identities so I made you a flow chart

Is your anger against this label because it facilitates genuine harm towards others (eg. MAPs)? Godspeed and good luck to you.

Is your anger against this label because it is Using The Label Wrong and doesn't gel with your personal definition for this label (eg. MOGAI, bi lesbians, lesboys)? I'm sorry, but there's always gonna be people who identify in ways that you disagree with, and with something as intangible as queer identity, their stance has as much merit as your own. If you get ticked seeing someone IDing as both homosexual and bisexual, ask yourself if they're genuinely hurting anyone, and if not, let them be. You will never know the intricacies of someone else's identity, and if that's how they choose to define themselves, well, tough shit.

[suffarustuffaru]

I disagree with that anon, the childification of the characters is just Tappei being weird

Like tappei has been out of pocket this arc and im afraid for the future of the series, the loli general dragon crying and yelling that she loves the 40yo grown ass man that died was SO BAD

Maybe they will fix it in the LN... Editor-san save me......save me editor

no yeah, tappei has a Consistent Pattern Of Being Weird About Kids And Occasionally Women. if its written in story to be a properly addressed issue, sure. if its a writing flaw that consistently shows up across multiple characters (clind, kiritaka, al, a few louis moments, other moments with the other kids, arcs 1-3 wn subaru being so bad even tappei kinda agreed), then its like. a Problem with the author.

AND GODDD ANON YOU JUST REMINDED ME ABOUT THE GENERAL DRAGON WITH BALLEROY 😭😭😭😭😭 THAT WAS AWFULLLL i remember going to my mutuals in rezero discord servers and metaphorically bawling my eyes over it. it was sooo bad jfcccc 😭😭😭😭😭 i dont like the romantic (not in a Nice romantic way) undertones of it !!!!!! i really dont !!!

and while i appreciate childbaru being a narratively significant arc!! i once again Hate 12 yr old preteen adoptive dad subaru being canon. the part where he adopts louis as spica is In Line for him, the 12 yr old preteen adoptive dad part made me wanna cry though. BUT childbaru is narratively significant at least :,,)))) im not so sure about al medium bc it Did Not leave a lasting impression on me though my opinion may change on that :,)) cecilus’s kidbaru arc was alright though, i enjoyed the rest of his arc more :,)

but yeah save me editor :,,)) save me anime staff who graciously fixed capella and liliana’s designs :,))))))) save me :,,,,)))))))))

but anyway im glad to hear from you anon so glad to know im not tweaking and genuinely see tappei being Weird :,))) like okay ill give him credit where credit is due—childbaru for the most part is really interesting, characters like meili are interesting, etc—but tappei is still weird about kids for sure :,))) theres just So Much Evidence.

[beesmygod]

BLOODBORNE LORE Q+A PART 5: BOSSES

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

---

THE HUNTER ASKS:

there IS a connection! where queen yharnam can be found, so can her shadows! they're HER shadows, not the shadows of the city. this is a reasonable inference given they have low poly pthumerian faces under the hoods. i brightened the shit out of this screencap to make it easy to see.

the boss version is found right before you run into her (or, really, one of her projections*) in the moonside lake and the others right before we bump into her on our way to deal with mergo.

*this is some speculation but its not without backing. the real queen yharnam can summon two ghostly clones of herself who can be distinguished from the real one because they are not pregnant. the one you meet before mergo poofs like the ones she summons during her fight if you hit her.

they do suck tho. kind of a shitty fight. if youre a confederate and you summon henryk its not even fair. something DID happen in development tho. lance macdonald, who does a lot of bloodborne datamining that whips ass, recently posted a comprehensive history of this bastard: the snake ball

despite the shadows of yharnam sucking ass and being one of the weaker boss fights, i seriously think this looks way worse and it was a good idea to cut it. if i reached the end of this notoriously grueling and miserably boring level full of literally nothing but snakes just to be served another, bigger snake i would become saint patrick irl. at least they pretended it wasnt snakes at first with the current fight lol.

i dont really get the snake infestation thing. like its there and there's the whole madras twins story or whatever. but it doesnt really seem to have any attribution to any outside force. it just seems like its some shit that happens in yharnam. sucks. maybe this is supposed to be another example of the line between man and beast blurring, like the note in byrgenwerth.

THE HUNTER ASKS:

lol i love this question. i have no idea. how tf does he know its name is paarl. it sure as shit didnt tell him. "vacuous rom" at least comes from micolash but i dont know how you would know it before that. how does the hunter know its a spider. how does the hunter know ebrietas is a girl. the insane confidence to decide that mergo's wet nurse is a wet nurse is unfathomable.

i saw someone on reddit call logarius "gary" and i thought that was very disrespectful. does that help.

THE HUNTER ASKS:

i think so! not a lot of info on those guys. i appreciate their existence tho. they have a sick hat you can steal.

i guess i don't really understand how fire works in the bloodborne universe, really. laurence's burning body could be read as metaphorical but none of the fires in yharnam go out easily. old yharnam is still burning, somehow. some pthumerican enemies can cast hadoukens for no reason, for example: the pthumerian elder, those chalice dungeon enemies that look like the chapel dweller, the keeper of the old lords and their horrible dog, the shadows of yharnam............lady maria..........!

the only one i can think of that breaks this pattern are the beast possessed soul and the loran cleric who tries to kill you IRL by lighting your PS4 on fire with his AOE attack. i know i post this all the time but please watch this 30 second clip of this asshole casting nuclear winter on this poor hunter

genuinely no clue on this. fire cleanses or whatever but other than that its a mysterious force in universe that behaves oddly.

THE HUNTER ASKS:

i believe so! she's at least a cainhurst knight if her outfit is anything to go by. its such a good fight. her song on the OST is a waltz and its like they created the fight around keeping time.

---

i should cut this here. next time i can focus entirely on rom/mensis/the one reborn, etc. almost done. that post will probably be long tho.

but everyone is so wrong about what happened so you have to deal with it.

I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE

[craqueluring]

Hi!!! <33333 Love your blog as someone who sometimes has difficulty grasping metaphors in hannibal because they all talk so weirdly and english is not my first language and sometimes im genuinely dumb </33 anyway i wanted to ask you what do you think was going inside hannibals when he took mason verger to will’s house, abondoning will even though he was unconcious in enemy grounds, and fed his dogs mason’s face?? Like what is he thinking “hi honey welcome home hope you like my surprise you wanted to punish him right tee hee <3” and will just gets turned on by this? LIKE WHATS GOING ON?😭😭😭😭😭 its one of my fav scenes and i dont even get… like the meaning of it, or their motivations, or what it worked as a metaphor? Like if could you maybe share your opinions on that scene or maybe an analysis would be nice? want to hear your thoughs 🥰 thank you so muchh hope u have a nice day!!

(there is a tldr at the end of this!)

okay first of all thank you for all your kind words they absolutely made my day <3333333 i so appreciate people asking me for my thoughts on specific scenes like u dont even know. and LOL yes that scene is really weird and when i first saw this i had to talk it through with my friend bc i was like…. yeah wait what WAS he thinking? LMAO but here is my best answer:

this whole episode is basically will taunting hannibal (telling mason hannibal wants to kill him, putting a "snare around [his] neck", asking hannibal if hannibal can tell what will's intention are, telling hannibal he did this because he was "curious what would happen," etc). i could even go so far as to say hes giving hannibal a taste of his own medicine. i find the decision to make a hannibal lecter-esque scene of will preparing his homemade dog food (which ive always assumed was randall tier's remains) directly before he gets picked up by mason a curious parallel, maybe even making a point that will is starting to act like hannibal? or just foreshadowing that will's dogs are gonna be fed some weird shit later lol, or both.

anyways, the scene of mason being high on whatever hannibal gave him, and cutting his face off and feeding it to the dogs before getting his neck broken, is directly taken from the actual book. i think theres a few different things that are significant about hannibal deciding to do this specifically in will's house, though:

first is theatricality, obviously. hannibal loves shock value. 

second, it could be a symbol of hannibal's unending and pervasive presence in will's life and mind — this is the first time we've seen will and hannibal in will's own home at the same time. hannibal’s presence in will’s life extends to will’s home. i think the only other time we see them together in will's home is when hannibal saves will from the verger estate, and will rejects hannibal.

third, alana has always said that will's dogs represent the best of will. by hannibal making mason feed his face to will's dogs, this could be like hannibal "tainting" the best parts of will. soaking into every corner of his mind, his life, his soul. also to my point, hannibal says that he "broadened [will's dogs] palates, as [he] broadened [will's]." — there is no corner of will's life that hannibal doesn't touch. 

however, just as that scene could be representative of hannibal having a very large amount of power over will's life, the rest of the episode could be representative of will having just as much power over hannibal. hannibal was quite literally helpless in that straitjacket, a direct result of will's actions (unless hannibal is a magician too and knows how to escape one… which i honestly wouldn't be surprised by). and only escaped because will cut him free. similar to how will was helpless in prison, and only got out because hannibal let him go. will can be a puppet master just like hannibal. they are in equilibrium, to a point. before, will was always on the short end, being manipulated by hannibal, being in prison, etc, but in this half of the season we see them (almost) being equals. as hannibals says earlier in the episode, they understand each others minds, and so hannibal has "the capacity to deceive [will], just as [will] has the capacity to deceive [hannibal]."

as for their motivations:

multiple times in this episode, hannibal is trying to gauge how willing will would be to kill with hannibal. "would you join me at the table?" when talking about eating mason verger, and killing him being a "savage pleasure [they] can share." each time, will avoids the obvious propositions. hannibal taking mason to will's house could also be him trying to gauge how will would react when they are in the same room with a potential victim (if will would share the 'savage pleasure' with him?). at this point, i dont think that had ever happened before. will killed randall tier alone, lied about killing freddie alone, shot hobbs alone. they've never been together in this situation. and aren’t in this situation again until the dragon fight. hannibal probably brought mason to will's house knowing this would happen, and so he could really gauge how will feels about killing together, or at least in hannibal's presence.

not to mention will obviously wants mason dead. will likes doing bad things to bad people because it makes him feel good. thats why he makes that face in 2x07 when he has a gun to hannibal's head in hannibal's kitchen, and why he makes that same face when he has a knife to hannibal's throat earlier in this episode. i could maybe go so far as to call him a sadist. he likes having that feeling of power, as he tells abigail in 1x12. 

i think this is why he looks "turned on" (lol) as you said. he enjoys seeing bad people in vulnerable positions, especially when he holds the power. i think hannibal knows this, too. maybe this was some kind of gift from hannibal? maybe he didn't want to kill mason without will present; giving will the chance to kill the man he knows will hates so much. but also because hannibal, of course, was curious what will would do.

but now will is curious what hannibal will do as well, so he tells hannibal to "do what [he] thinks is best for [mason]," and hannibal obliges easily. he doesn't choose murder or mercy for mason, though, and breaks his neck and leaves him alive in that terrible state. will looks… pleased? by this, i think. (again, sadist). he and hannibal smile at each other as hannibal walks to mason to break his neck. hannibal seems pleased as well at will's reaction and the outcome of the situation.

as i said before, they are, in a way, equals for the first time in this part of the season (which is also symbolized by them being happy little cannibals together at the end of 2x10). this episode is partly them getting to fuck with each other and will reciprocating the fuckery that hannibal was disproportionately doing to will before this point, to be crass. will is, as alana says in 2x06 "playing a game, and he's not scared. not anymore." hannibal bringing mason to will’s house was part of the game they’re playing with each other.

TLDR: hannibal taking mason to will's house could be for theatricality, a symbol of hannibal's presence in will's life (even invading his home), and tainting the "best parts of will" (his dogs). as for hannibal's more personal motivations, hannibal is gauging how will would act while they are in the same room with a potential victim (first time this ever happens, and last until dolarhyde), and possibly be a gift from hannibal because he knows will wants mason dead? as for will's feelings in this moment, he was definitely feeling good because a "bad thing" was being done to a "bad person" and he likes being in that position of power. will putting hannibal in the position (straitjacket in the verger estate) where will has that power over hannibal is will fucking with hannibal, and yet again lets himself get so close to killing hannibal, because he enjoys the feeling. hannibal reciprocates this fuckery by bringing mason to will's house. they are both orchestrating these situations because they are both curious about what will happen, and they are doing this as equals.

edit: not the first time theyve been together with a potential victim, i forgot about clark ingram, but it is the first time theyve been together with a potential victim which ended up harmed/dead by either of their hands! unless im forgetting someone else lol

[stagefoureddiediaz]

really its because of you that ive become sort of. not obssesed but like whenever i watch the show i just. keep looking at the costumes! trying to look for the patterns in your theories and its become one of my favorite parts of this hahahah anyway, the point is i was reading some of your check theory posts earlier today and now i started rewatching animal instincts (mind you i havent read your costume meta for that ep, i shoumd have done my homework!) and it was just really interesting to see it play out perfectly! specially in the scenes with buck + connor and cameron. like, in the dinner scene buck (buck's in black, i already read that disscusion) but also connor was in check! and cameron's shirt had like a big floral pattern and all i could think about was how that was sort of a reflection on what they would bring to buck after that scene! (which also like, reinforces the idea that the sperm donor thing is a Bad Idea), then connor wearing check to buck's loft later, aaaand my favorite, which i actually spotted during my first watch, was the stripes haha (i also think like half my dash was people going insane over that last monday), and the fact that buck wasnt the only one wearing the stripes, but i dont remember exactly what was the difference between vertical and horizontal stripes rn hahaha because ofc buck saying yes to the donation is supposed to be this big life change for connor and his wife, but i dont know what it all means! im just here chilling and spotting the patterns. idk, your costume theory is stuck on loop in my head and i cannot stop thinking about it!

(and im not even gonna get into the slutty black tanktop of it all and chris's new patterned pjs! thats a job for the professionals)

how did i do? did i get the assignment right? hahahaha anyway thank you for helping me and all of us actually to appreciate the art and thought that goes into costume design, its really interesting to me and i wouldnt have started to learn more about it if it werent for you 💛 have a great weekend and see you next monday!!

jj / babygirldiazz

JJ/ babygirldiazz

I'm so sorry its taken me an age to reply to this! real life got a bit crazy for the last 10 days or so - fighting literal and metaphorical floods and fires at work so I just haven't had the brain power to go through my inbox properly until now!

I adore that you are having fun playing spot the patterns and see if they fit the theory. I hope you're now read the Animal instincts costume meta and that you enjoyed it. you're pretty spot on with your analysis of everything and the thing with stripes is that my theory is about the horizontal ones we see on lots of characters - which Conor was the one wearing in that scene.

The vertical stripes is a specific Buck thing, and they tend to accompany him being emotionally compromised (and invariably ending up making a less than stellar choice). This is really interesting and I've only just fully put two and two together on this (so JJ you get all the praise and gratitude for allowing me to spiral and go on a little Buck costume trawl) but the shooting is the first time we see Buck in vertical stripes.

And thats big - really big - because that is the moment Buck becomes emotionally compromised in a way that he hasn't been able to come back from. Everything that has been and is going on with buck stems back to the shooting. The shooting lead to a host of other choices that were less than ideal - things that he wouldn't have done, choices he wouldn't have made, if the shooting haddn't happened - letting Taylor into his life, saying ILY to her, moving her into his apartment, etc etc etc. all stem from the shooting and all are times when Buck is wearing stripes.

The ones from Let the games begin fit into this pattern - the zip front denim shirt and then the cream shirt both tie into Bucks reluctance to get a new couch - and the questioning of who he is and what he wants - the fact that he's essentially in stasis - and hasn't fully moved on with his life - leading to him trying out self help books etc as a way of figuring out what he wants from life - this is a trauma response in so many ways and those shirts are our sign - a theme the costume designers are using to tell us, the audience, that Buck isn't doing great - that he is mentally unwell and it's why these vertical striped shirts are becoming more frequent in their appearance - because he's not getting better - he's getting worse - spiralling more.

Thats why I've only just been able to really get my head around their use on Buck in the last couple of episodes - it can sometimes take a little while to figure out what a designer is trying to say with patterns and styles, and this is no exception. I fully expect us to be seeing more Buck in vertical stripes going forward until he either fully breaks down, or until he is able to start healing properly - and I'm pretty confident we won't see him stop wearing them until the shooting has been talked about by Buck and Eddie. Its sitting there hanging over them and this show is all the levels of insane and clever for the way they are using all the tools at their disposal to provide clues and information for those of us who want to spend the time looking.

Just going to sit here and feel even more feral about the shooting of it all than I already was!

I hope you have an amazing week JJ and feel free to pop into my inbox whenever you like - you've made my day!

💜💜💜

[bonesandthebees]

kinda missed the train bc time zones but i just want to say that people angry at tommy for finding and using wilburs name (and comparing it to deadnaming? what? this is obviously so different) just cant appreciate the beauty of your writing

you write messy human characters in situations with questionable moral rights and wrongs, even if this was their first bones fic did they just forget the part where wil tried to kill tommy?

you write from one pov and work so amazingly with the unreliable narator prospects its so cool to read and so interesting to brainrot about

you write a lot of metaphors which is just something im obsessed with, especially the way youre so consistent with them, just like in stars with the sea and pillar, you continously describe wilburs most inner emotions as a bird in a cage and how the bird perks up at hearing the name wilbur while wilburs monologue is against it shows what was beaten into him and how he "wilbur" actually feels about it

also i know that a lot of people expected (and some wanted) a name reveal in the form of wilbur trusting tommy enough to tell him himself (i also expected this ngl) but looking at it, it feels so much out of character for glass!wil at least for a long while, hes nowhere near the amount of trust or even of knowing how much his training for the pythia was to be bale to tell anyone his name and in the situation hes in, kidnapped and in a group of people with completely different religion, i dont think theres space for him to get to that mental space in a completely healthy and right way

tommy finding out on his own and starting to use it on the other hand is just so much like glass!tommy, bc you can see how hes doing it bc he believes it wil help wilbur bc he knows how wrong it is that he was forced to foresay his own name, but also not telling the other deathlings bc he knows that the best way would be for wilbur to tell them himself

honestly im so glad it went like this bc it feels so justificating and deserving from characterisation and storytelling point, not throwing away all the built up trauma and messy relationships and all the mistakes that were made just for some quick and cheap comfort

instead of quick cheap hurt/comfort or angst you get a precisely and amazingly crafted deep and thought out story with deep and full chartacters that feel so human and its THE BEST THING EVER I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH BEE

and im sorry some people cant appreciate it and cant shut up about not being able to do so

lmao you get it i write messy human characters and also wilbur literally tried to kill tommy. this wasn't a breech of trust or anything they didn't have any trust beforehand.

kldsjfkld aaa you're so sweet though!! I'm so glad you like the one pov thing. It's genuinely my favorite way to write long stories now because it makes things so much more interesting to me. unreliable narrator is impossible to avoid when you only have a single pov going on and that's the fun part!!

so so happy you like the metaphors too. I definitely worry sometimes I'm overusing them, but I also like the consistency and the way it gives me a space to explain wilbur's emotions in a way that avoids just saying "he felt sad" or something. it makes it more interesting to describe and can be used in a lot of different ways so it's very fun for me

you see you get it!! there was no way he was gonna reach that place in a healthy way, at least not anytime soon. I know that everyone was expecting the soft reveal moment of wilbur telling tommy his name himself, but that's exactly why I didn't go with it. because subverting that expectation makes things a lot more interesting in terms of how it'll develop from there. it just makes the most sense with the characterization and everything to me so tysm <33

this made me smile a whole lot to read :D

[thickest-slimiest-malware]

fiona and cake ep 7-8 spoilers

(warning - i dont have anything creative to say. its just an appreciation post)

ok lemme talk abt ep 7 real quick bc i dont want to make it look like i didnt love marceline and bubblegum. every scene is amv material. the girls are fighting. heres some marceline and bubblegum fancam

i got very distracted getting those screenshots

the litch? is scary as FUCK. i LOVE how the episode goes, it has the best unsettling parts of adventure time in it. how did i not see that ending coming? i mean i thought jerry might be bad but. okay. so. you come to this world and everything is very dried up, classic apocalypse stuff. but then BMO greets you! and hes like oh fin and jake are just getting milk lolz. and he gives you his little tour. then you see all the kingdoms are like dried up and the ppl are probably dead, you wonder what happened. BMO is like "okay fine one day everyone left. but then jerry showed up! yay!" then BMO has a robotgore death (which felt more gorey than all the other little deaths bc they never hold back with robot gore. its like its okay to show guts and pieces of a body if its a robot)

okay so of course they visit jerry, BMOs friend. yea yea hes got skulls on his basement stairs hes probably evil. maybe a postapocalyptic edgelord or a sad winner of the war. and then uh- you know. its the litch. the metaphor for the inevitibility of death. its just that the death was born tin this universe and what comes after humans came early. total extinction. flesh burned off by a radioactive burst, all the life evaporated out of. well everything that was alive. batterries left to corrode in anything unliving enough not to die.

the litch has no will or purpouse. its the metaphor for nuclear war but also all apocalypse and time itself. a character that is time itself cant be stopped, it is built into the engine of the universe. making an adventure time world without the litch is like trying to make a peach that will never rot that still has all the good things about a peach. theres something extremely cool about a villain you cant defeat, that is guaranteed to win and will have won in every universe if you skip forward enough, and everything that happens in the show happens with the explicit awareness that it will have reversed

[everything-i-couldnt-tell-u]

the thing i said on the playlist i made for you "you really feel like a nice dream i woke up to on a summer day" , i think that's the greatest thing i could honestly say to express my appreciation for you. actually explaining it in full detail just to feel satisfaction in being able to tell you exactly how i felt when i was with wouldn't be enough but i'll try. so i don't really know how to describe it, but waking up to this one specific kind of dreams on a summer afternoon, leaving me with this very fascinating feeling all the time as i look on the ceiling, taking a while to process the dream somehow and really take my time (sometimes even cry over it because of how beautiful the feeling is) but i dont know exactly what this is.

i just love the way it leaves me with a nostalgic bittersweet feeling, similar to "meeting someone you feel like you knew your whole life while having a beach vacation, but you never met them again anymore and they just remain as a memory you always love coming back to" type of vibes. it's so fucking amazing because i would love to see more of the dream and feel more of it, but you know it's like im already satisfied with everything and it didn't really leave me empty. yes waking up to the dream left me with this heavy feeling on my whole chest and body, but my heart feels so excited at the same time. and those dreams are always so comforting honestly.

most of the dreams i wake up to the same feeling are ALWAYS the same story. i get lost in some really dark place, but then i meet this really great boy who i became really great friends with for a while and it was so fucking great all the time. but then after a while you know, i gotta wake up and then i part with that boy from my dreams. it's really sad because i wanna be with them for a bit longer atleast, but im happy at the same time that i got to feel what it's like to be with someone like them.

i cannot explain really and i cant wrap my mind around this idea either that you might really have been the boy from my dreams (sorry if i sound obsessed over it, but i really have this very very deep longing for that boy from my dreams and the way you felt so fucking familiar to me is like you've been that boy all along and im happy about this stupid theory of mine)

so back on explaining a bit more, so like my dreams are like metaphor to me with my friendship with you and it's so weird. so first the very very familiar and nostalgic feeling you gave me whenever i talked to you, it's so oddly similar to the feeling that boy from my dreams gave me. and then the heavy bittersweet feeling i get whenever i wake up from my dreams about him, it's the same damn feeling i got when i cut ties with you for the third time.

okay so like from my dream its - i need to wake up and get back to living in my real life so goodbye now boy from my dreams. and with you it felt so similar, as if it's a metaphor of those dreams ending - so i got an emotional outburst and episode as if it's waking me up to confront my personal unresolved problems that's why i need to leave you for now, and let's just meet again when time lets it happen. the exact same with my dreams. i feel kinda sad but also happy, but i have already accepted that i need to say goodbye to him and just wait til i manage to dream of him again and feel his company once more.

okay so enough of maybe being the boy from my dreams, the feelings you really gave me feel so fucking amazing and it always leaves me wanting to find the words and scenarios to somehow describe how it feels because of how nice it genuinely is. and anyways im really sorry about me randomly ending things again, i don't think explaining it would fix anything and honestly i feel kinda nice being alone here right now because my social battery is really dead. i just think i really need time alone with my thoughts and sorting my feelings out because im the type of person who takes alot of time processing and learning stuff (idfk why this brain of mine works like that) but it feels nice taking things slow here at my own pace.

cutting ties with you for now really left me with the same feeling as waking up from those dreams during a summer afternoon and i can't explain it any better (this is a /pos) it didnt really leave me empty, it left me with this bittersweet feelings that i really adore and this slight longing for you, but i need to go now. i'll come back, i don't really know when, but im sure it will happen. i like overanalyzing and overappreciating these kind of feelings and memories i get left with whenever i lose someone, and honestly im enjoying it. NOT ENJOYING THAT I FUCKED UP THE FRIENDSHIP THO IM JUST SAYING THAT ITS REALLY VERY NICE when i take my time appreciating them a bit more and being alone with those thoughts.

so enough ranting, i love you so much and thank you for leaving me all those feelings. they really mean a lot to me and i think about those constantly. no one has ever made me feel the same level of closeness and familiarity like you did. your company was so different from my previous best friend and it still fascinates me. my previous best friend made me experience company that felt like cozy rainy nights and getting lost enjoying really fun stuff, and this time with you i got to experience the familiar warmth of summer and the bittersweet feeling i get when it ends. (stfu if i sound cringe rn dont laugh at me im writing this at 12 am and i always end up saying the cringiest shit at this hour) wait actually maybe on summer (idk if ill either get better or things might even get a thousand times worse because i can feel it coming and i have to start facing my issues and heal even if the thought of it really makes me tremble and feel like throwing up. i dont know when i'll heal lmfao and im scared of going through the process) so maybe let's be friends again on another summer once i finally get capable of getting a grip on my feelings and controlling what i do whenever i get emotional outbursts. love you and thanks for really being a great listener and a friend <3 bye bye ill crawl into my safe space again so see you when i get better AND ALSO PLS DONT KYS TIL I GET TO MEET YOU AGAIN okay bye

[semi-imaginary-place]

I played kingdom hearts union x early in its release days like 2016 and i tried really hard to stay up with it but im just not built for the mobile gaming meta which is geared for daily/weekly engagement over the course of years. i've had this problem with every mobile game i've ever tried to get into, i've tried like 10+ and genuinely wanted to get into these games but i just can't. Anyways eventually I couldn't keep up with ux's powercreep and pay to win gacha, and more importantly its rate of story development. UX is like 98% filler content 2% series breaking story revelations and that actual story only dropped like once a year so I'd play for a year to keep my medals semi competitive because story is also gated behind medal strength all to get a 10 second cut-scene that left 50 million questions and eventually i just could justifying playing ux as being worth it. so i quit a few years later and havent touched the game since and now im rewatching the cutscenes and yeah when ux is good its good and that good part is just inundated with filler. I'm rather fond of the artstyle its like little paper dolls and the devs manage to put so much emotion and nuance with those simple animations its one of the several impressive parts of ux.

a list of revelations. the disney worlds the player visits are fictional, projections made from the book of prophecy to collect lux. each union member has a chirithy, chirithys are dreameaters and thus daybreak town is in the realm of slumber, chirithys are tied to their union member. one fades away when their union member is lost to darkness, i assume ephemer's turns a darker shade of gray. quests 362-275 the plot really begins.

quest 401 the first dandelion metaphor. in a fashback to the day the player meets ephemer, ava compares ephemer and other union members to dandelions, wishing to entrust the future to them somewhere far far away. oh this is the beginning of unchained x. wait this is showing an alternate timeline in which ephemer didn't go missing. ah that was a dream

wait. you're telling me the japan exclusive kingdom hearts x doesn't have the same plot as ux. ux isn't a remake of x its a sequel and we're in a timeloop or memory or datascape or something??????? NOMURA! NO! Bad game dev! Bad! STOP PUTTING CRITICAL PLOT INFORMATION IN JAPAN EXCLUSIVE MOBILE GAMES THIS IS LIKE THE 4TH TIME!!!!! uuuuuuuuuuuuuu time to figure out what khx was about.

uuuuuggaisdadf;o;jkal/k so it so yeah ux reuses x content under the premises that player character is reliving their memories but then continues the story. it seems like i played through most if not all of the x content. i got pretty far huh like through the 700s quests. I wonder why they changed the gacha from cards to medals? cards feels more appropriate since its already a recurring motif for kh like chain or memories or luxord.

quest 425: the ava battle. i remember being stuck here for like a month because my medals were too weak and so i had to grind and gacha until they were strong enough bleh. ephemer sent the dream of exploring the tower with the player. ephemer is in a unchained state in another realm. dont know what that means. and if he can send dreams ava says he's close to "that realm". huh

quest 525. got stuck on this one too.

quest 540: i vaguely remember the enemies here were green. i do appreciate how khux is the story of things going from ok to bad to worse. the enemies here look like heartless but they can talk and are seeking lux. also second time player character talks. purple chirithy! i remember you. is the implication here that purple chirithy used to be the dark gray chirithy we saw earlier? ah so those heartless were former union members filled with darkness. i vaguely remember this and that dark chirithy is a nightmare. purple/dark chirity's wielder is close wonder what that means.

quest 555: they speak again! confirming that ephemer is their friend. the player character petting chirithy was a nice touch. union leader implies they killed ephemer eventhough earlier ava said ephemer was in another realm. i joined unicornis btw.

The Player: "And then I met Ephemer. We didn't know each other for very long, but he left a lasting impression. Not all of our memories are good ones; in fact, he even broke one of our promises. No matter what happened, I knew we were still friends. But you took him away from me."

The Player: "I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel hurt. Maybe that means I have darkness in my heart; I don't care."

The Player: "But I can't let you get away with what you did to my friend. Even if I have to fight you, even if I don't stand a chance, even if I may disappear... I will because I know in my heart that Ephemer would do the same if he were here."

The Player: "Master Ira, I mean no disrespect, but this is something I must do."

Ava's dandelions, a hope for the future cast to the wind. seeds to begin anew. yeah this part where the player character chooses to stay stuck out to me when I was playing. first, quest 555 is where the player characters shows real independence and agency from the player, they have their own thoughts and feelings about ephemer and the end of the world. second, that their greatest concern was not with the destruction of the world, the war, or the legacy of keyblade wielder but of the unchosen left to fight and die, and that the player character chooses not to be one of the special.

the recent kh games have really gone far with the fictionality of the narrative. very post modern meta texual like sora "dying"? and existing the fictional world for the non fictional one. "world outside" here is again vague. if daybreak down is indeed a dream realm then why would ava specify that the dandelions are going to train in worlds made of dreams. but if this is a dream then the dandelions are going to the universe of the main series? i mean thats where luxu/braig ended up with the box. i definitely need to read a plot summary when all this is over.

[prettybutter-flyy]

Went to see The Whale last night. I has conflixting thoughts but this is my ultimate review. Trigger warning, i will probrably use fatphobic language, sure it's something to unpack, but the movie was harsh and real. If you ever see the movie itself, they clearly wanted you to use the words i will use to discribe the main character

It was about a man, Charlie, who only cares about 3 things: his job (an English teacher), his kid, his long dead lover. At its core, its about a sad man who needs help coming out of a major depression, as when his love died, so did he essentially. And so he let himself go bc nothing else mattered, until he started seeing his daughter again, who he abandoned when she was young (for the now dead lover).

I liked the movie but i dont think i could ever watch it again. It was an incredibly hard thing to watch, especially considering my poor relationship with food. Some scenes were meant to be s grotesque, I had to look away. And being a little fat myself, i was a bit embarrassed and disgusted to find myself eating at the same time as Charlie, bc when food came into the frame, it almost always led to a gross scene. And The fat suit was definately used in good taste, charlie wasnt ever the subject of scutiny or the butt of a harmful joke... So thats about as far as i can get without spoiling it really.

Zpoilerz

Charlie's character is beautiful. It was clear a lot of love went into developing him. He looks for the honesty of people - sort of - sometimes he looks for honesty just to ignore it, like when it comes to his weight. But you can tell he really appreciates when people are honest with him, even if he ignores it, because he keeps the honest people around him. And hes got a good sense of humor about him. He knows he's so big hes going to die, his friend/caregiver told him several times before the movie started. But he ignored that, and instead of changing his lifestyle, he made plans to give his money away to his daughter when he dies.

Thats how little he cared about himself and those that loved him.

My favorite part of this film was the music. I remember actively saying "this music is fucking me up" to my date. Throughout the film, charlie soothes himself by reading an essay on the complexities of Moby Dick, the titular Whale. Its such a good essay (written by his daughter), he wants it to be the last words he hears. But the score was heavily pirate/ocean/Whale themed - heavy brass, rolling waves of sound. Several times in the movie, because of the music, I felt like i was stuck at sea, among a shipwreck, no life boat in sight. Much like how i imagine charlie was feeling in those moments. Its sad but i would recommend this movies simply for the ability to portray a sea of sorrow and saddness simply through music.

And then the pun of the name, the Whale, Moby Dick. I dont think i need to explain the metaphor. But i will, bc some ppl havent ready Moby Dick (for the purposes of understanding this movie? maybe give it a read! I dont think itd make sense without it! For fun? Dont waste your time. Its mad old timey. And a lil boring) the but the Whale in bith pieces are metaphors for just... a huge challenge the MC is working on overcoming. In MD, Captian Ishmel (?, the main pirate) is living his pirate life doing pirate thing, but has ongoing sexual tension with this literal Whale that refuses to be caught- that's a joke but he really wants to capture that fucking Whale one day. Much like Charlie having to overcome all the the extra weight he's allowed himself to gain. He let it get out of control and now he knows its either the weight or himself really.

Throughout the movie, i thought of all the ways Charlie (and lets be honest, his loved ones) let himself get so big. As a fat person myself, you don't just wake up fat. Its so gradual. Like, first youre weazing and cant breathe coming up the stairs, then your knees get weaker, and your backaches, and you cant easily get out of bed or off the couch, then you actually have to start investing money into stuff that makes being fat easier for you. that is a life you have to choose every single day (*unless of course you have a medical condition*) And then your loved ones have to keep feeding you and feeding you and not forcing you to get up to feed yourself, to move your body. That's a failure of everyone involved. As much as i wanted to believe his caregiver friend loved him, she enabled him by feeding him. What's he supposed to do, starve? No. But he can get up and feed himself. The fact that stuff like that happens in real life makes me sad.

His daughter is the first person to challenge him. He reminds him what he has to live for in a very dramatic and heavyhanded reading of her 8th grade Moby dick essay, which i thought did a LOOOT of heavy lifting throughout the movie. I wish theyd pulled more from the source material and maybe made a direct comparison rather than the allusion to the paper. But I get it, he likes essays and his daughter and this is his daughters essay .

His daughter was probrably my favorite character. She was extremely well written. I knew they were going to go the "genius rebellious teen" when she hit us with her opinion on the dumb ass books we have to read as kids in high school. They werent worth our time but if you say that youre seen as a dummy who didnt read it. Im not dumb, animal farm is dumb!

Anyways! One of the first things she does is tell her father to walk to her. Partially to embarrass him but he also very clearly cares about him. She offers to make him a sandwich, but out of either cruelty or love, she tells him "but itll be small". Which made me laugh out loud.

And then theres the Whale itself: charlies fat. Charlie's fat is almost a character itself. It feeds itself, it takes care of itself, it has a mind of its own. Charlie's has whole drawers dedicated to candy and has rigged ojut his ceiling so he can get out of bed easier, he works from home so he never has to move from the couch. It is an overlooming part of the film. It colors all of his decisions and dialouge. He calls people he doesn't like to help him pick stuff up that is out of reach, and they come!

I wish real life were as simple as in the movies. Charlie knows why he eats. His dead lover. In real life its not just boiled down to the one thing. Life sucks. We all have our vices but this is the one people judge the most for. Its not the only addict that is worn on the body, but youll never hear anyone calling a drug addict disgusting. Or a sex addict. Or a taxidermist. Or a dentist. They get much more compassion as their vices are much more easily hidden.

My point is, that scene where he insisted that guy call him disgusting for the sake of "honesty" was sad. But it's a sort of self harm I do constantly. Like just tell me im fat, tell me im ugly and thats why you dont wanna hang out. Just say it!

Its really easy to just forget why we live. We didn't make it easy to remember, we actually made it pretty difficult to want to live. (Without drugs or excessive foods or coping mechanisms). But the movie was a good reminder to remember why you're here. Why you're doing any of this. Its those little moments filled with shit we actually care about- our daughters, our hobbies, etc.

It a reminder that we can overcome ourselves and do things we need to do, over what ee think we want.

[mirasloss]

idle headway

02/14/08

i fell in love today. well, ive been falling for a while but today i finally accepted it. its weird. ive never been in love before, so i find this experience thoroughly exciting, but i know i cant be with someone forever. i can only hope that the sweet memories i carry after this ends will far outweigh the bitter ones.

05/23/08

i feel dirty. i had sex with someone that isnt the person im hopelessly in love with. we arent even dating! i dont know why i care so much! maybe id feel different if the sex was any good — they kept begging me to punch them in the jaw. now im not against a little violence in the bedroom, but i would rather not be the one inflicting it.

06/28/08

we made it official today, but nothing feels different. im just as in love as i was two days ago, except now theres a title associated with that love. i guess im a little disappointed — i wanted this to feel like a new chapter in my life, but it feels more like a new paragraph. maybe i just need to give it some time.

09/02/08

theyve only become more detached since we officially started dating. i feel like its been weeks since we last had a conversation. im a ghost around them — we walk past each other in my kitchen and out eyes dont even connect. come to think of it, ive felt that way around everyone lately. my friends threw a huge party without me, i havent talked to my siblings in over a month — hell, even my parents stopped answering my calls. maybe im already dead and i just dont know it.

11/14/08

i made a new friend today. her name is miss pencil sharpener, and she is by far the most complex character in my life. she’s not that useful on her own, but you can appreciate her versatility once you break her down into each individual part. her plastic shell protects against predators while her stainless steel blades lie dormant, waiting for her prey to willingly give itself to her. she gifted me one of her blades, hoping that itd help me feel alive again. and oddly enough, it did

01/17/09

on january 17th at 3:31 am, i stabbed my partner to death. there is no punchline, no metaphor, not even a smidge of irony in that declaration. i didn’t even mean to kill them. i was convinced that i had died long ago. but i was real. and i remembered every action i hadnt taken, every word i didnt speak, all the love i didnt show — it was all my fault. and it took someone else’s life for me to realize it. i dont think they even had time to process that they were being killed. they didnt even scream. it was like they were lifeless from the start of the ordeal. or maybe they saw it coming and didnt care.

i left their body and started driving — i don’t know where i went or where i’ll end up going tomorrow, but i know i can never return home

09/09/09

it’s comforting knowing that the only pieces of evidence linking me to the murder — my knife and my diary — are kept in my backpack. i’ve been keeping up with the investigation, and everyone back home seems to believe i was kidnapped. works for me.

i found a local porn production company that was willing to pay me cash to edit their content, allowing me to comfortably live in my car while police back home hope they find my corpse in the river.

and maybe one day i’ll give them what they want

[iwillbecomealawyer]

gonna babble and list down all the reasons why i love psychonauts 2 so far to OBLIVION

(warning: post contains major spoilers so i dont recommend continuing if you havent played the game. but also do not spoil if you have, since im still in the part where i reached where the psychic 6 resided)

1. raz being much more babey in this game, but also being just as capable and intelligent as last game

2. the game showing that raz CAN fuck up, learning his mistakes and making up for it

3. raz being such a good and respectful boi ;-; the way he talks to his grandma and the way he talks to lili knowing she was in a very vulnerable state,, his parents raised him so well

4. raz and lili basically switching places in pn2 where raz is being a complete stuttering mess and lili is the oblivious one (though this is mostly bc she was occupied with her dad so UNDERSTANDABLY so)

4. THE REALISTIC DEPICTION OF SIBLINGS OF THIS GAME GOOD LORD I LOVE IT

5. i mentioned this in my last post but after raz learns his lesson with hollis, he starts to ask for consent before going into someone’s mind

6. the seamless metaphors and symbolism to mental issues and healing

7. the fucking genius that is the panic attack foes..them being quick, ruthless enemies thats hard to catch up with unless you deliberately slow it down with the time bubble ability. it also has the ability to multiply; symbolizing that the person struggling cannot tell what is real of what is fake. idk this enemy just really made me pause the game for a bit bc of sheer appreciation .. i i remember struggling with a panic attack fight and even i felt overwhelmed

8. raz having a change of heart from killing animals from pn1, and pets them in pn2; him also constantly making apologetic remarks when he does is so funny

9. the whole segment of raz finding out lucy was pretending to be his grandma and it being ford’s fault. the way he felt betrayed, hurt, and angry; and how it hurt even more so when raz idolized him, and considered him a friend bc of what they went through together in pn1. the strength raz had to say that ford fucked up his entire family, and its all his fault. UGH. cinema

10. raz’s char arc being absolutely stellar in this game!!??! we got to know more about him, the family ‘curse’, and how he grew. im so damn proud of him i feel like a loud mom cheering her kid’s name when they get up onstage for graduation

11. raz’s family. period

12. gameplay being fun as fuck with thought compelling puzzles with a balance of forgiveness if youre being a dumbass,, im not a gamer by any means but i found myself playing for 10 hours straight and each time i come back im having the time of my life and never wanna put the controller down. im rank 60 ffs

13. i theorized that the minds we were gonna go through this game were the psychic 6 and while that DID end up being the case, they did it in such a smooth way that fit the narrative that didnt just feel like a ‘checklist; do this and save the world’ feeling, it was closely tied to the narrative and it wasnt a linear process. its so good

14. music is obviously a given i literally have no words i find myself staying in one place in each world just to dwell in the music

15. the ENTIRETY of psi king’s mind. definition of gorgeous

16. psi king’s segment where we find out his band members were the psychic six and where we slowly get to put the pieces together and find out he’s actually helmut fullbear. the moment we got to witness where he slowly unravels his doubts about his friends and himself with raz helping

16. speaking of psi king: jack black. thats it

17. SPEAKING OF PSI KING AGAIN: LGBT REP!!!!

18. milla’s full name being camilla and it being revealed that sasha accidentally mispronounced her name to ‘mia’ and decided to remain it that way bc she thought it was rly cute

19. the moments in this game having the perfect balance of heartwarming, hilarious, and foreboding. early on in the game i was like ‘huh i was expecting something a lil darker to bring to the table but i can understand this!’ but i was wrong. i was so. fucking wrong. i had my jaw dropped in the lucy nona reveal the entire time i was terrified. fantastic segment

20. as much as i struggled in compton’s mind i really loved the idea of his world bc 1. hes the first world we encounter the Judge enemy, since all he did was blame himself from what happened with lucy and the psychic 6 2. his world based off of hollis, truman and ford being the harsh judges and critics of his own mind and facing the constant pressure sinilar to a reality cooking show. its kind similar to gloria’s theater from pn1 in that regard, but definitely brings new and different ideas to the table

21. raz offering frazie to come with him to psychonauts hq as an intern to embrace her psychic powers and frazie considering it

22. raz being a good older brother to queepie

23. norma having a crush on raz’s fucking dad (idk if shes doing it to screw with raz or if she rly does but either way its SO FUNNY)

24. raz (depending if the player chooses to or not) bringing rare fungi for lili to make her feel better despite him knowing the truth about truman god these two are adorable

25. lili feeling terrible about truman and raz trying to sympathize w her saying he was pretty shit to his own father too (poor baby ;-;)

26. raz wanting the approval of nona :’) asking her if she wants anything to make her comfortable

27. the intense conversation between dion and raz

28. ford dropping this bomb on raz that there was no curse to begin with, and that the aquato curse was just a ruse for lucy to not go near water so maligula cant be awaken. jfc poor kid i actually cant believe that dialogue was optional

29. raz’s ’yoink!’ voice clip. baby

30. raz mentioning true psychic tales to any moment available ever

31. THE CASINO MISSION SEGMENT WITH THE INTERNS 💙💙💙💙

32. sam boole

33. oleander trying to make the death tanks against maligula without a budget

34. those two psychonuts members in the atrium talking about how sasha and milla are ’doing it’, with raz interjecting that theyre professionals and the members replying with ‘we meant yoga why what did you think we meant’ and raz being like ‘oh.’

35. that man and woman planning an affair in the entrance lobby of hq and the woman’s husband accepting and knowing about it

36. the clarification of psychonauts’ mission with hollis, on how their purpose is not to ‘fix’ people but to help fight the struggles they already have

37. the voice acting holy HELL the voice acting!!!! psychonauts 1 already had amazing va’ing but gOD everyone did amazing here; especially richard horvitz 

38. RAZ AND LILI IN NICK’S MIND THEYRE SO FUCKING FUNNY SJJKDJKSD (IM TYPING THIS AFTER I FINISHED THE WAVE OF ENEMIES BIT WHERE LILI PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTONS) raz being like ‘’ok yeah you finished pressing the wrong buttons so far’’ and lili being like ‘’JUST GET ON THE STUPID RIDE’’ IM FUCKGIN DYING

39. the player having the option to get rid of the background music in gristol’s mind and the reward being raz’s sigh of relief im actually fucking dying 

40. raz making up a code name for lili (’potato masher’) and lili liking it :)

aand thats it so far :)) this list will be updated the more i play or tidbits i remember

[rottingsparrow]

Oh boy oh boy here it is my thoughts on Lore Olympus episodes 1-10 I didn't include any pictures because I'm figuring out how I wanna do this also im tired but here it is:

Episode One: Stag, You’re It

Why the title

Minthes hair like connects to her head without a line not bad just a comment

Hades’ sharp ass nose but I enjoy the colors, not super bright yknow

Hera looks so cool but also like snatched almost unnaturally

She is a god tho so

Zeus lets goooo such a solid color imo

Im sorry but artemis’ hair is a lil ugly

Love that all the main characters are snatched /s

Episode Two: Who is She?

And Persophone is now 3 shades lighter ok

Also like i hate the dress Artemis gives persephone it ugly

Persophones hair changed lengths like 2 times but maybe im seeing it wrong

Also artemis if she doesnt wanna be here leave wtf

How is. How is hades holding his drink

Zeus changed colors king

I understand lighting and shading but like. Damn

Ok so if Poseidon hates Odysseus does that mean the events of the Odyssey already happened

Ep 3: Who is She pt 2

LMAO what is hades’ nose

Why did she have random parts w/ no color not a complaint just curious

HER FOREHEAD SO LARGE IN THIS ONE PANEL

“Short sighted” Do we ever see him wear glasses again

Zeus’ lil. Hair thingies keep disappearing

“Honestly i think she puts Aphrodite to shame” wow comparing women/hj

Seriously tho like. why

Ep 4: Who is she pt 3

Idk why she does random scenes where the characters are all like just one color. Not bad per say but weird

Gives artemis huge boobs and in one panel they are either smaller or gone

Artemis bestie if that one thing distracts you from your friend you gotta get ur priorities straight

“Hey kiddo wanna have some real fun” ew

Omg purple eros

So much hair

Did she just give her hair powers so she could draw diff styles lets be honest

Ep 5:

Aphrodites hip angle is so sharp it could kill me

“Friggin” makes my mind go to supernatural and i dont appreciate it

Omg shes a cinnamon roll shes so adorable and gorgeous and yet sexy and *i get shot*

Mother emotionally guilting her son omg its my life

The listen panel. Haunts my dreams

Why does she have so many different painting/coloring styles

LMAO LOOK AT HADES ON THE BALCONY its. Its bad

Ep 6

W hy do they stand like that persephone pls

Love demeters colors tho

This is. This is the metaphor for the maidenhood thing right

Thats how i always saw it

Wow persephone you just woke up and you look so pretty wowww woww

Rachel rachel please does her hair have bangs or not just choose

I do actually like the panel with cerberus, persephone, and hades its nice

Ep 7

Cerberus is so cute

Hades shut the fuck up

The coat is cute

Persephone get off the counter this isnt ur house

Whos minthe? Stop being nosy damn

Didnt really have much to say bout this one

Ep 8

Why are both their eyes open i know they arent in love but that so weird right

Is his dick out or is she just naked on him

“Salutiations” old man

Every second i read persephones eyes get bigger

“I would pay you a salary to barge in on every single aspect of my life” is actually cute however. You literally just met her she hasnt even introduced herself

I dont understand why he thought she meant sex idk

I like that his business card has diff names for him

SHE WAS HOLDING HERS IN HER TITTY WHY

Ep 9

Persephone giggling over that is kinda weird imo but whatever

Persephone please pic a face shape

“Come here puppy” look. Look at her face. Wtf

Train ur dogs hades smh

We never see like any of these dogs fuck you rachel i want dogs

“Let the unionize see if i care” haha so funny haha wow so. So funny. Hades ur such a character

Why is her mouth so high up in this one panel

Hehe puppy

Man in bushes

Ep 10

Why does he have so many cars he doesnt need em

The little :p panel is cute

NOT HER FACE AGAIN RACHEL PLEASE JUST LOOK ONCE MORE

Stop yelling hades

Persephones hair is looking bad rn ngl

I love the colors of the underworld tbh

Rachel please go in depth on how you travel there between realms i am so curious

Artemis randomly gains bangs

I know her hair was flowing but her bangs are too short to completely disappear

Why do his eyes randomly turn red honestly

Goodbye thank god

[greyeyedmonster-18]

Hi Grey.

If you ever have the time I would really like ti hear more about your writingprogress.

Like. How do you come up with your ideas? Do you do a outline? Where and when do you write? Are you finishing all your stories before posting them? Do you fact check things? How long time does it normally take for you to finish a story? Have you ever regretting posting a story? Why do you write? Do you have a beta?

Youre one of my favorite authors here and I’m really just curious of the mind and work behind the story’s that I’ve spent so much time with.

weeping. I'm one of your favorites???? what the hell??? thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for being so nice. that just made my day.

i am going to put the answers to all those things below a cut to not spam my dash with a long post. but also, i shouldn't give writing advice ever and while i appreciate you asking your questions, everything with a grain of salt. because...i know absolutely nothing and this is just what I do. (and also, im an affectionate idiot so <3)

How do you come up with your ideas?

often my ideas start with a very very specific image in my mind, and then i go from there. sometimes they happen while im listening to a song (for example, FFTF happened because I was listening to Since We're Alone by Niall Horan and there's a line in there that says Why would you want to be someone else? I love you best when you're just yourself and an entire wolfstar narrative exploded, but i had to figure out how Sirius would be guarded in this particular way and....here we are) or sometimes when im on a walk or driving. also, as a total cop out, i write romance-- i get ideas from making foolish scenarios in my mind where people should fall in love and I'll never have a shortage of those.

Do you do an outline?

No! I don't. Once I have the idea, i usually start by writing the specific scene that came to me first (so for ten reasons, i wrote the voicemail scene first. i heard remus's voicemail in my mind so loud and clear and wrote it out) and i go from there. this is for my own unpacking but i almost always can see how things end in my mind before they begin (lol, isn't that a fucking metaphor; for a fun personal fact, I've always said since i was like...very little that i wasn't planning on living past 33, which is horrifying to hear out of a ten year olds mouth, but like...i still think its true). for almost all my fics, i wrote the ending first and then wrote around it. never chronologically. just everything that i want to happen and then i put it in some sort of order (i wish i could show you my doc for tight ends right now). and then i make them lead into one another.

I DO. however, do an obligatory chapter count. and i mean, so arbitrary, with no thoughts applied to it. NMTW i literally said 14 chapters, and stuck to it. this is the only structure i give myself when i write. and its my job as a writer to make sure i fit in there.

i do the same when im writing tumblr series. so like fault lines got SIX, chosen at random, and six it was. it was my job to tell that story in six parts. no more no less. (this is admittedly weird, i understand most writers dont work this way, but this actually helps me immensely. the only time i deviated was with FFTF when i added more chapters because the chapters i did have ended up being like TOO LONG in my eyes for a chapter, so i broke them up).

but also--i know other authors who DO outline and its helpful for them!! Find what works for you!!! I tried to outline once and the fic never left my drafts.

Where and when do you write?

To quote Shakira, "Whenever, Wherever"

I write a lot in parking lots on my phone. a lot of my tumblr drabbles are written on my phone and in a parking lot, ten reasons and tight ends were both started in parking lots.

otherwise on my desktop! in google docs! or if its smut, in a word doc! i write the best early in the morning or super late at night when i should be sleeping. I write when i can! Usually at my desk, or i'lll bring my laptop over and write while my kid is playing video games or we're watching something on tv. sometimes i write in the middle of my work day when i have a second in my office (this is also very quick and very on my phone). i just wrote smut at a nail salon. whenever, wherever.

Are you finishing all your stories before posting them?

yes. head to toe, top to bottom, signed sealed delivered. the stories are written before i post. this works better for me! i need to see the whole thing finished!! it also makes it very fun for me when readers are commenting and are like...in anguish, and im there like "tee hee, i know what happens next".

tumblr drabbles no. i pants those. fault lines, mercy, the pact (is part four written? nah but its started and i have no idea where its going to go!!!), the best worst thing to have ever happened-- PANTSTED. sat and written flat into the tumblr post machine. no outline, no plan, just feelings and vibes. (and yes this means that the end of fault lines was a pants decision and im very sorry it ruined everyone, whoops).

this again varies from author to author! most of my writer friends write as they go because they like to be align with the readers! or they work better chronologically and will just write and post and write and post, but again, this is something personal! do what works best for you!

Do you fact check things?

Lol sometimes? I probably should more often, tbh. I do a lot of geography fact checking because i couldn't map my way out of a paper bag, but otherwise, not...really. But also, my fics dont tend to have a lot of....information in them that needs a fact check. People are just falling in love. also, not to flex, but i have a big brain that stores a bunch of useless information and remembers a lot of things, so if i write something i usually believe myself (writing tight ends right now and putting my football knowledge to good use and there's been a few times I've been like "...hmmm" and referenced google and WE WERE RIGHT! so i mostly just trust my brain.)

Writing NMTW was also challenging because i had to reference SOURCE MATERIAL to see if there was a designated teacher for x subject, or when exactly school breaks were etc etc. but that said, i did not care about being accurate with full moons or course timestables or hogsmeade visits or anything like that. we...simply do not care. (this obviously does not apply to things that very much need fact checking such as if i were to write a medical procedure or something relating to disability or race/ethnicity/languages spoken; obviously do your homework for that.)

How long a time does it normally take you to finish a story?

Cop out-- it depends! Sometimes less than a week. (The pact is short, will be done by tomorrow most likely). I wrote ten reasons in four days. it took me 3 months to write an alleged wip though. it just....depends on my time and my schedule.

Have you ever regretted posting a story?

Sometimes! There was a moment when i was fresh on AO3 (pre-tumblr) where i got a few really nasty comments and it made me regret posting the story at all and made me regret joining AO3, and made me regret thinking my fics could be a thing or that my writing was worth sharing etc. I know I give FFTF a hard time because they're....out of pocket, but there are parts of that fic i really really like, and it seems to connect with a lot of people, so i can't have regrets about that.

i have deleted a few one shots off my AO3 though, because i decided they didn't need to be shared, but i wouldn't necessarily call that regret. just...re-evaluation.

Do you have a beta?

No. I do have one trusted person though who i send things to before i release them into the public, not as a beta but as.....a litmus test (to see how the fic reads but also for me and how i feel about sharing it in the first place; I've done it before with this person where they got something and then WEEKS later tumblr got it. Sometimes months.). I 10/10 recommend doing this. and i feel so so so so so so lucky that i found someone like that here and they tolerate my existence. but pre-tumblr, it was just me myself and i doing the thing. and also it took some time before i even trusted this person (did i mention im paranoid? and private?) to get my work because you can't take it back. and what if it didn't need to be shared? there are a few things this person has gotten that i havent and will never post. but like...im so fortunate to have that. you know?

I...am way too chaotic for a beta. and also have a very particular way i edit my stuff (because ND) and adding another person into the flow of that can get confusing. Too many cooks, you know?

Why do you write?

i saved this one for the end because my heart.

i think i've said before that like...a lot of my time as a child and a teenager and young adult in spaces was spent believing that i was a bad writer because neurodivergent and i don't understand mechanics of grammar or...words or...write in a way you're supposed to (outlines for example). and spent a lot of time giving my ideas to other people who i thought were GOOD writers.

but i...am a creative person. and sometime in 2019, i hit the biggest artist block of my life where i literally didn't draw or paint for a year. and picked up writing instead.

poetry, and then it evolved into romance, which i...turned into fic and here i am. and ultimately, i write because i like to. because its creative and it makes my brain happy when a sentence just hits, you know? because i believe in love and want to see more queer love stories and if i...can do the thing, i should, right?

i write because i...realized that i had stories in my head that needed places to go that i couldn't express visually through my artwork. also, ive mentioned it here before, that i am...young and have experienced an absurd amount of death and loss in my life (personally and professionally). and...well, i write a lot of fics about grief for that reason. i don't think i could ever run out of words for this (and have also published ACTUALLY on grief, both creatively and academically), and sometimes i write to like...sit with those feelings for a bit.

i...also think i write because i am a soft human in a very hard world in a hard career path who experiences things deeply and these things and observations need places to go. i cant carry them around all day, that's too heavy and my hands aren't big enough.

so i make art. and i dance. and i play music.

and i write.

i hope any of this is helpful. and if you get the courage to come off anon, i am more than happy to talk with you in DMS about processes or answer any more questions <3

[nachodroppedfood]

THICKETY MUTUAL I WANT TO ASK ALL OF THEM!!! BUT ONLY ANSWER THE ONES YOU WANT TO

OMGGG YAYH ANYTHING FOR YOU THICKETY MUTUAL NUMBER 1

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are? SAMB FORUM, HAMILTON AMINO (UNFORTUNATE), AND THAT ONE DBH SERVER FROM LATE 2020

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of? JUMANJI 2, WONDER EGG PRIORITY, THE PROMISED NEVERLAND

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends? MYY THICKETY MUTUALS ARE CALLED THICKETY MUTUAL 1,2,3,4 BECAUSE I MEETED THEM IN THE THICKETY TAG AND THERE ARE 4 OF THEM. THE SQUINKYS

what made you start your blog? PEER PRESSURED BY MY FRIENDS AT THE TIME TO START ONE

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator? THE BEEST PART OF BEING A CREATOR IS CREATING. I LOVVEEEEE DRAWING MYYYY BLORBOS AND SEEING THEM EXIST!!!! THE WORST PART IS WHEN NO ONE APPRECIATES MY. DRAWING :-( VERILY DISAPPOINTING

what scares you the most and why? I AM SOSOSO SCARED OF SUFFOCATION/DROWNING! YOU ARE AWARE FOR 2 MINUTES AND NEED TO BREATHE BUT CANT!!! I AM ALSO SCARED OF GROWING OLDER, I DONT WANT TO GROW UP BUT ITS COMING SO FAST

any reacquiring dreams? I WANT TO GET A GOOD JOB INVOLVING ART! I GEET PAID TO DRAW SILLY THINGS AND SKRUINKLYS

tell a story about your childhood MY PRE K TEACHER TOLD ME THAT THE TONGUE IS THE STRONGEST MUSCLE. HOW WOULD I, A PRE K-ER, KNOW WHAT A METAPHOR IS? I THOUGHT THE TONGUE WAS LITERALLY THE STRONGEST MUSCLE. SO ONE DAY I PUNCHED MYSELF IN THE TONGUE TO TEST THE THEORY. I COULDNT EAT RIGHT FOR DAYS

would you say you’re an emotional person? MOSTLY NOT, I THINK

what do you consider to be romance? I DONT KNOW, I DONT EXPERIENCE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION!! I GUESS JUST HANGING OUT AND HAVING A NICE TIME AND BUYING FOOD FOR EACH OTHER. AND KISSES

what’s some good advice you want to share? STREAM ADO AND YOEKO KURAHASHI!!!! THEY ARE THE SINGERS EVER AND THEY ARE CONSTANTLY PLAYING IN MY BRAIN

what are you doing right now? I AM SITTING ON MY CHAIR, SUPPOSED TO BE DOING HOMEWORK BUT INSTEAD TYPING UP THIS THING

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do? ICE SKATING LOOKS SO O FUN AND COOL! BUT IM SCARED I WILL BREAK MY ANKLES. HOW DO YOU BALANCE??

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”? AT MY HOUSE, TALKING TO MY THICKETY MUTUALS AND OTHER FRIENDS WHILE I DRAW AND LISTEN TO ADO AND YOEKO KURAHASHI

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I WANT TO GET BETTER AT TIME MANAGEMENT AND STOP DOING EVERYTHING AT THE LAST MINUTE! I KEEP GETTING DISTRACTED AND I HOPE I CAN GET HELP

name 3 things that make you happy MY THICKETY MUTUALS, DRAWING, LISTENING TO MUSIC OR MY FAVORITE YOUOTUBERS

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens? OHHHH YEEES!! GHOST REAL! AND ALIENS MUST BE REAL, THERES TOO MANY PLANETS OUT THERE FOR THERE NOT TO BE!

favourite thing about the day? TALKING TO FRIENDS

favourite things about the night? SLEEPING

are you a spiritual person? SPIRITUAL? MY DAD IS BUT IM NOT

say 3 things about someone you love SOO NICE, AMENZING ARTIST, HUGGABLE

say 3 things about someone you hate MANIPULATIVE, CRYBABY, ATTENTION SEEKER

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for? IM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR NEVER GIVING UP ON ART AND STORYTELLING, I HAVE COME SO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fave season and why? SUMMER BECAUSE NO SCHOOL

fave colour and why? BROWN, IT STARTED AS A JOKE BECAUSE BROWN IS THE COLOR OF POOP. BUT THINGS YOU JOKE ABOUT BECOME REAL, SO THATS WHAT HAPPENED

any nicknames? NACHO!! SOME PEOPLE HAVE CALLED ME NACHO CHEESE. NICE

do you collect anything? QUARTERS, I FIND THEM ON THE GROUND OR IN VENDING MACHINES SOMETIMES. I TRADE THEM FOR FOOD

what do you do when you’re sad? I DRAWWWW AND LISTEN TO ADO AND YOEKO KURAHASHI AND TALK TO FRIENDS

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier? TALKING ABOUT THINGS WITH FRIENDS ALSO MY THICKETY MUTUALS BEING HAPPY

are you messy or organised? I TRY BENIG ORGANIZED BUT SOMETIMES I AM MESSY BECAUSE I IN A RUSH!

how many tabs do you have open right now? 6, ON MY SCHOOL LAPTOP

any hobbies? DRAWING, PLAYING PIANO, ONCE IN A WHILE COSPLAYING

any pet peeves? WHEN SOMEONE WONT LEAVE ME ALONG WHEN IM CLEARLY NOT RESPONDING! UGH. /NBH OF CORSE

do you trust easily? OHHHH YESS! MAYBE A PROBLEM

are you an open book or do you have walls up? NOT QUITE SURE WHAT THIS MEANS EXACTLY BUT I THINK I AM AN OPEN BOOK

share a secret I STAYED UP UNTIL 3 AM ON SATURDAY! IS WAS FUN

fave song at the moment? ASHURA-CHAN BY ADO! THIS WILL CHANGE IN 30 MINUTES

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why? I LOVE MANY YOUTUBERSS LIKE IZZYZZZ, LAVENDERTOWNE, KURTIS CONNER, DANNY GONZALEZ, JARVIS JOHNSON, OHH YES

any bad habits? PROCRASTINATING! ITS BECOMING VERILY BAD!