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omgreading · 5 years

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Kind of a rant about what is stressing me out right now. Putting under a read more. Just need someplace to vent it.

If you do decide to read this, it is a long, long, long post. Like really long. Just saying. SO LONG.

This week has been very stressful, with the biggest stressor, my missing niece now resolved.

The first issue I am dealing with is my cousin who relapsed back into depression. She called me the other day crying and asking if I could help her (I didn’t know with what at the time) because she was at her rope’s end and was so down and stressed out. She had not been taking her meds and her house was messy and wanted me to help her clean it.

Her mom died back in 2013 from cancer and it hit her incredibly hard. She slipped into a big depression and kind of has never really come out of it. She has a son and a few years after her mom died, her house was crazy messy and I guess not fit for living because her brother and his wife called children’s services and her kid was taken away. She had to get the house back in order to get him back. Her family came in and pretty much threw everything away and I assume cleaned the house up to where it was acceptable. She had many pets at the time and the children’s service made her get rid of all of them and said she couldn’t have pets anymore. She got her son back and was ordered to go to therapy and take medicine for her depression.

So, apparently for nearly the last year, she hasn’t been taking her medicine. She goes to her appointments and gets them filled, but doesn’t take them. The questions asked at behavioral health, where I also go, I guess weren’t specific for her to answer where they could see that she was having issues. Basically asked if she wanted to harm herself or others and thats it. So she just didn’t get help because she wouldn’t say anything and they weren’t asking the right questions.

She stopped taking her meds because she thought she didn’t need them. This is a common thing for people struggling with depression. You feel happy and you think you are better and you believe it can’t be just the medicine, but that you have gotten better, so you stop the medicine. Well, that usually leads to a relapse.

I went over there Wednesday night and I honestly figured I would find a lot of trash and a really cluttered and messy house. I never saw what it was like before she got into trouble and I hadn’t been there since before my aunt died. They usually came to our house.

It was horrible guys. If children services walked in, she would lose her son. They aren’t staying in the house at night. Her dad has a girlfriend he stays with a lot so they stay at his house in the evenings. However, they do spend time in the house.

Anyway, I walked in and I almost threw up. The smell of urine was so so strong. She has 16 cats in that house. The living room didn’t have trash in it, she might have cleaned that part, but there was a rug that was pretty nasty, probably from urine and just cats everywhere. In the rooms, I could see there was just mountains of trash, clothes, bulky items, toys, and who knows what else covered in urine and crap.

I had brought gloves with me and we started in her room just picking up everything off the floor and throwing it away. Nothing was salvageable. I was able to work at it for an hour, but it was slow work because I had to maneuver in a way that I wouldn’t get excrement all over me. I had no idea that was what I would be walking into. My niece is still missing at this point and I get a call an hour after I get there from someone who had spotted her, I had made a post for people to share on FB. I got all of the information and passed it on to the mom and waited for 30 minutes in case anyone needed to call me back. I told her I could probably stay for another hour because my mom and grandpa would be going to bed and I had to be there to keep the dogs from acting crazy and being loud.

ALRIGHT, so that is the situation I am in. I just don’t know how to help. I am so completely overwhelmed. The mess is insane and its everywhere. On top of that, since the house is a giant litterbox, if she doesn’t get rid of the animals, all of this is a waste of time. I am stressed because I said I would help her, but I can’t devote all of my time to this, especially if she isn’t taking steps to keep it from happening. Trying to figure out how I can help and what can be done to actually make a dent is one of the reasons I was having panic attacks. I don’t want her to lose her son and I am afraid if I can’t help she will. My mom said I couldn’t put that on me, but I said I would help, so I don’t know how it isn’t on me. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, I could have never imagined what I saw. And on top of it, I feel bad for not wanting to do it. I feel like a horrible person. I want to help, but I can’t do all of it.

That is one of my big stressors right now. I am supposed to go over there tomorrow. This is like my big emotional, worrying stressor. I feel like I am letting her down and making things worse for her, but I can’t put myself to be put in a constant position of anxiety. I felt so overwhelmed over there and helpless. But, what does my stress matter when her situation is dire and could result in her losing custody of her kid. I don’t know what to do and I feel horrible all the time.

The 2nd issue is my aunt is pretty much at our house all the time and I miss the peace and quiet. This issue is like my constant annoyance and anxiety-inducing issue because my space has been invaded and my mom is on edge. We are a pretty quiet bunch at my house. Before I got back into reading I was binge-watching TV with my mom and my grandpa was working and going to bed an hour or so after he got home. We stayed in and just enjoyed chilling.

This thing with my aunt probably started in the middle of July. She was already living back in the state, but like a city away with a high-school friend of hers. Well then her “husband”, who I feel is a colossal tool and a drunk (which causes my insane levels of anxiety because my dad was an abusive alcoholic) is asked if he wants to take custody of his kids, who live in California because their mother just lost her parental rights. He says yes so they have to get a place of their own that can hold three kids. So they move back into town. They don’t have a car, she doesn’t have a job, and his job is stupid. He does construction and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, its a great job if you have a good boss. His bosses suck. They only got paid when a job was done, so they barely had money to keep up with bills. So they moved into town and their trailer’s A/C unit was broken, so they moved in with us for a month. They don’t have the kids right now because they were arranging an inspection date and also doing court appointments to take away the mom’s rights.

Anyway, it was kind of okay when they were here. I mean they were all up in our space and she doesn’t know how to talk on the phone quietly and be considerate of other people. Their air gets fixed and they go back home, only for him to get a job with a guy who goes out of town every week. Well, she doesn’t want to stay at home on her own, so she has my mom come and get her everyday to hang out over here. My mom is back in school. She has said repeatedly that she wouldn’t be able to entertain because of schoolwork, but my aunt says that she won’t be in the way, just doesn’t want to sit at home all day. I guess she prefers to do the same thing over here.

My aunt is a massive and probably a little crazy bitch. She gets insanely angry and defensive and just stupid over idiotic things. Her “husband”, they ain’t married but she calls him that, is a bad father. He hasn’t seen his kids in 11 years and he barely talks to them. He is also 13 years younger than her and kind of a tool. Well, she doesn’t want his kids here. She says online all the time that she just wants him to have a chance with his kids but then says to us that she isn’t going to be responsible for them, her kids are grown. She bitches, loudly all day on the phone at him and to her daughter and to her stupid friend about how much he sucks and she doesn’t want the kids here and all that jazz.

So that is just a constant interruption to everything in my house. She also tells me how I am not training my dogs right and that my dogs don’t see me as the leader of the pack and they don’t respect me, even though I have no issues with my dogs. She wants to think she knows everything.

Even with all of that, it was still tolerable, not very, but tolerable.

She doesn’t have a car, so she has my mom take her everywhere. She uses her as a chauffeur. My mom went out four times in one day because she couldn’t remember stuff. Asked my mom to take her to get toilet paper, which is fine. My mom takes her and she gets everything but toilet paper and doesn’t remember that until my mom is back home. So she says she needs her to come back again. My mom does and then gets back home and gets a message that she forgot to get a soda and needs one because she needs caffeine, so my mom goes out again. She gets back home and is getting ready for bed and then the little FB Messenger sound goes off, which is like traumatizing to us now, and asks for her to take her to get cigarettes. Four times in one day. LIKE DAMN WOMAN GET YOUR SHIT AT ONCE!!!

But she is always asking things like that. I need this and I need that and it is always more than once a day. On top of her needing to go places she also needs to be brought over here so she isn’t alone at her house that she wanted! She doesn’t do anything here she couldn’t do at home. I stay in my room and read because she annoys me too much and my mom stays in her room and tries to do her schoolwork. I say try because my aunt is either talking too loudly on her phone or going in and out of my mom’s room bothering her.

I tell her she has to learn to say no. It is one thing to help family, but it is too much. And she is so entitled about it. She doesn’t ask can you do me a favor or if you have time can you help with this it is just I NEED YOU TO DO THIS and NEED YOU TO TAKE ME HERE. Like seriously! She also wants it done on her schedule. My mom gets up at 6 AM most days and she pretty much gets a message as soon as her computer turns on because my aunt can see that she is active on FB, asking her to come and get her. My mom will say she’s on her way and then my aunt tells her to wait 30 minutes because she is going to take a shower. Or there are days where my mom is planning to run her own errands and she messages my aunt to ask if she needs to go out, so she can go ahead and get it out the way. She’ll say she does and then tells my mom she will call her when she is ready. LIKE IT ISN’T YOUR TIME!!

She is so selfish and ungrateful and it is pissing me off. My mom likes to do stuff early in the morning. That means errands, any big stuff around the house, and also her schoolwork. She is constantly being interrupted and having to go out almost every day, usually multiples times a day for just stupid stuff. It's hot here in GA, so by like 10 AM she is exhausted and in a bad mood. Her morning where she should would have been productive in school is shot and now she feels like crap.

I try and tell her to stop doing all of it. The car is actually mine like I bought it and its in my name, but basically, we both drive it. I tell her to tell my aunt that I said the car wasn’t leaving and that she could make me the bad guy. She won’t.

My aunt is volatile. I remember when I was 19 I was supposed to buy a computer from her but her daughter told me not to because it was junk and barely worked. So I said I wasn’t going to get it and said I needed to buy a phone instead, so as not to get her kid in trouble. She calls me a stupid, selfish bitch and irresponsible for spending my money that way. Rants at me through text for 30 minutes, cursing me constantly. I worked a full-time job and was out a lot and I tried to explain the need for a new phone and she was furious. Like, how are you going to cuss out your own niece like that?

So yeah she is mad crazy belligerent and just a mean bitchy woman. I think my mom wants to prevent a big blow-up, but I say bring it on. It has to be enough at some point.

My mom just got her school refund and my aunt made sure to be at our house the day it was supposed to post. Had my mom go get her because she said she didn’t want to stay at home. I get up at 10 AM and the money hadn’t posted. It should have by 8 AM. I tell my mom that it probably would not post all weekend and five minutes after she hears that she says her “husband” isn’t going to work after all and that she is ready to go home. YEAH, OKAY.

So, from this past Monday until Thursday, she was over her every day all up our asses. She was supposed to be getting some work from home job that requires the internet and her “husband” wasn’t making enough to pay the bills so she has my mom pay the internet. She comes over here and has me print out 80 pages for this test she has to study for. The original to print out was 167 and I told her that I wouldn’t be able to, but would try. I don’t have an industrial printer, so this was going to take a long time. On top of that, the one pack of paper we had was only 187 sheets and I knew some had already been used so I told her I would have to print it double-sided which would make it an even longer process. My printer also has a cooldown period when it runs for too long, so yeah just longer and longer. She keeps bitching about it and saying why isn’t it done yet. I end up having to stop it at just 40 pages in because the ink clogged up. I needed to clean it. I told her I would have to start up again and she asked for one-sided because it would be faster. My mom told me to just do it so she could take her home and get started on her schoolwork. I do that, but again this printer is not industrial. The stuff that is being printed is more or less wall to wall text. The printer has been going for over two hours. So it is slow and needs to keep cooling down. She finally just says she will take what there is and go home and hope its enough for her test. Well, she wasn’t even supposed to take the test until tomorrow so she could study for it. She took it today and failed it. My mom thinks she had no intention of really trying and did all of that so we would pay her internet. She didn’t say thank you for the stuff being printed or for my mom paying the bill.

Our freezer broke a few months ago, so my mom got a new one so we could buy a lot of meats and have room for them. So in moving things out the way to bring a new one in made the house really messy. My mom said that she had so much left to do like clean the house and then do her schoolwork. I told her not to worry about the house because my aunt and I would take care of it, she always says she will help at the house since she is over so much. My aunt has the nerve to say she wouldn’t be doing anything because she had to crack down and study. STUDY WHAT, IT WASN’T EVEN PRINTED. She said she had to get that work done. I think if she had been facing me when she said it and had seen my face, all hell would have broken out. She has the audacity to say that she can’t do anything and has to focus on a test when she interrupts my mom’s schoolwork every goddamn day.

SO YEAH, I am like angry most of the time. AND JOY OF ALL JOY, she will be here starting on Monday for a whole week while her punk-ass man is Tennessee on a job. She will probably be here this weekend anyway because she just needs something every single day. She even asked my mom to buy her douche dude a new pair of shoes, even though he just bought some a month ago. He left the box at our house. LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS.

Oh my god. I am so stressed and I am probably developing ulcers. That is my mom’s sister and if she hasn’t seen fit to tell her off, I don’t know how I can.

Every now and again my mom says she can’t come out because she has too much to do or she says well I wasn’t planning on leaving so it will have to be another day. But it isn’t often.

I don’t understand how one person can be so selfish, hateful, and ungrateful.

If you made it through all of this, bless your heart.

I am so sorry for the rant, but I don’t have a real outlet for all of this. If I were to attempt to journal this I would develop carpal tunnel.

I just want to relax. I had gotten into such a good rhythm dealing with my anxiety and depression and I feel like I am regressing. I take my meds, but I don’t think it is enough. I am either so keyed up from stress or I am having panic attacks that I can’t sleep until I am exhausted.

I am supposed to be using this time in between semester to relax and it just isn’t happening.

I’m a grumpy old lady now, I want my peace and quiet.

#omgposts #text #updates #hailey bitches about her life #this is just a non-stop rant

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hamitome--imagines · 6 years

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Worry is Like a Rocking Chair

Hercules Mulligan x Reader

Modern

Requested by anonymous

Request: Ok so is it okay if I request a Hercules Mulligan x Reader where the reader gets preggo and Herc is like super excited but then she has a miscarriage and he's really ready sad but then she finds out she's preggo again??? And he like spoils her????

A/N: I want to apologize because I promised this about a day ago. But I didn’t feel real well yesterday so I put off posting, even though I made you guys a promise. And here it is, only a day late. So…kinda follows prompt. You’ll see what I mean. I didn’t stray too far, there’s just not a whole lot of spoiling that happens. But everyone get ready to hop aboard the angst train! Cause this one gets sad. Anyway, enjoy!

IMPORTANT: There is obviously a miscarriage that happens in this story. While I doubt my ability to make it accurate at all, this story may be upsetting to some people. If you feel like this is a story you wouldn’t enjoy or would upset you, I completely understand.

Word Count: 5,002

~~ You stood leaning against the wall of your bathroom, anxiously tapping your foot. When people say this was the longest two minutes of their lives, you thought they were exaggerating. But this two minutes seemed never ending. A tiny little test was making you so anxious. Then, your phone buzzed. Two minutes were up. You practically lunged for the test on the counter. You felt yourself smile as the test confirmed your thoughts. You were pregnant.

You were ecstatic. You and Hercules had been talking about having kids. You weren’t actively trying to have kids but you weren’t trying to prevent it either. Whenever the two of you were in a store you would get distracted by baby clothes and toys. Hercules talked about getting a rocking chair from his parents that they used when he was an infant. However, the two of you had to have kids first.

You heard the front door open. “Babe?” Hercules called. “You home?” You knew you could plan some cute announcement for him. But you knew he wouldn’t care. Either way, he would be thrilled. So you ran out of the bathroom and right to Hercules. You jumped up into a hug. His arms wrapped around you to hold you into the hug. He laughed a little at your excitement. “What’s got you so happy today?” He asked.

“Oh nothing much.” You said with a tiny smile. “I just found out that you’re gonna be a father.” You told him. He blinked as he processed it. Then he grinned. He pulled you into a fierce kiss.

“You’re pregnant?” He asked happily as he pulled away. You nodded with a smile of your own. “I’m going to be a dad! You’re going to be a mom! We’re going to have a kid!” He said happily. He couldn’t seem to slow his excited flow of words. “We’re going to be parents.” He said with a fond smile your way. He kissed you once more. “I love you so much!” He said.

“I love you too.” You said. Hercules immediately sat on the couch and began looking for the best obstetrician near you. You sat down next to him to read over his shoulder as he searched. You knew that you’d have to schedule an appointment soon but you weren’t far along at all. You’d be ok for a month or so. You knew what you needed to do and you knew that Hercules knew what needed to be done. You would be just fine with him next to you.

—

Hercules shook you awake one morning. “Y/N, come on get up.” He said.

“I’m pregnant, let me sleep.” You complained.

“Because you’re pregnant, we’re going shopping.” He said.

“What?” You asked. You laid on your back and looked up at where Hercules was hovering over you.

“We need some furniture.” He said. You smiled.

“You’re so excited about this.” You said.

“And so are you.” He said back to you. “Now come on.” He scooped you up bridal style, kissed your cheek, and set you back down on your feet. “Get ready.”

“Are you ready?” You asked. He was dressed and had his favorite grey beanie over his curls. He did seem ready.

“Yep.” He replied.

“Well what are you going to do while I’m getting ready?” You asked as you dug through your dresser. You only had a few months to wear some of your favorite shirts so you had to decide which ones you wanted to wear the most.

“I’m cleaning out the spare room.” He answered. Nursery. You smiled gratefully. Once you were ready you went to the spare room. You found the Hercules had cleared most of the clutter out of the room. He had a few tubs left in the room, and some paraphernalia laying about. But it looked much better than it had 24 hours ago. “You ready?” He asked. You nodded and allowed him to lead you from the house and drive to the store full of baby supplies. You tried telling him you could go to Walmart or Target but he wouldn’t hear of it. He insisted that you go somewhere that was designed to sell baby supplies.

You both stalled after stepping in the door. This place was huge. And you had no idea where to start. You both shared a blank look before shrugging hopelessly. Neither of you had been parents before. You had babysat for Alexander, but thats about it. Alexander! He could help. So you whipped your phone out of your pocket and Hercules gave you a confused look. You held up a finger, asking him to wait, and listened as the phone rang. “Hey, Y/N.” You heard Alexander greet.

“Hey Alexander.” Hercules nodded, finally knowing who you were calling and why. “I was wondering if you’re busy today.”

“Uh…” He trailed off and you knew he was likely checking a planner and how far along in his work he was before deciding. “I don’t think so. Why?”

“Well, I was wondering if you’d want to hang out with me and Herc today.” You said. So he’d help you after you announced the surprise. “We’re over at the strip mall downtown.”

“Ok, be there in 20 minutes.” He said before ending the call.

“Well, we have 20 minutes.” You told him. “Food?” You asked. Hercules nodded and led you from the store and to a pizza joint a few door down. You shot Alexander a text to let him know where to find the two of you. You and Hercules ordered a medium pizza and dug in. Alexander showed up when the pizza was halfway gone. Shortly after that, the pizza was completely gone.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?” Alexander asked as he shoved the last bite of a breadstick in his mouth.

“Just some shopping.” You answered with a shrug.

“But we like to get you away from your desk every now and then.” Hercules said.

“Alright. The other guys coming too?” He asked.

“Uh nope.” You answered.

“Ok, you two lead the way. I’m just along for the ride.” So you led him down along the storefronts, making sure he didn’t see any of the store names. You walked through the doors of the store and Alexander paused. “What the fuck?” He looked to you and Hercules barely containing your excitement. “Wait. Are you serious?” He asked. The two of you nodded and he grinned widely. “Congratulations!” He said with a smile.

“We just found out.” You said. “So we haven't really told anyone yet.”

“And we realized we are really out of our depth.” Hercules said with a vague gesture around. Alexander chuckled.

“Well, you won’t need everything yet. But start with the basics: crib, stroller, car seat, changing table.” Alexander told you and led you through the store to all the things you could need. You narrowed it down to four cribs. Alexander gave you some advice and you checked reviews online before picking one. The same went for the rest of the furniture. “And lastly, a rocking chair.” Alexander said. He led you to a section full of comfy looking rocking chairs and gliders.

“Oh no. We got one of those.” Hercules said happily. Alexander seemed confused but nodded all the same. You ordered all the things needed and were told you’d have to wait about a week to get it all.

After the week passed and everything arrived, you texted the boys and asked them to swing by and help with something. They agreed to help right away and were over a short time later.

“What do you need assistance with mes amies?” Lafayette asked as soon as he was in your house. John looked equally interested while Alexander stood by with a smirk, knowing this was your form of an announcement.

“This way.” You said and led the way to the nursery. “We got some new furniture for the spare room and would like some help putting it together.” You stood by to let them walk in. The two boys walked up to the largest box, the crib, and stilled when they were close enough to make out the picture. Hercules walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your shoulder. The two men spun and looked at the two of you in shock.

“Are you?” John asked, unable to form the sentence. You smiled and nodded. Hercules was smiling widely as well. John ran forward and pulled you from Hercules embrace to wrap you in a hug of his own. Lafayette hugged his good friend as well. The rest of the day was spent putting together the furniture, one corner left empty for the rocking chair that you were anticipating. “When are you guys getting that thing?” John asked.

“I’ll go pick it up in a few weeks.” Hercules said with a shrug.

—

You and Hercules finally picked a doctor and set up an appointment. You were only about a two months along but figured that a doctors visit would be a good idea. So you had the initial ultrasound. It was nothing concrete, just checking to be sure everything was alright and to get a due date. “Everything seems to be going smoothly.” The doctor told you with a smile. So the two of you went home.

It was a week later that Hercules went to go get the rocking chair. “Five days, alright?” He asked before he left. You weren’t pouting, but you weren’t happy that he was leaving you.

“Fine.” You mumbled. He kissed you softly before ducking out the door. It was the second day that had you a little worried. You were doing the laundry when a sharp pain flared up in your torso. You gasped in pain and lightly pressed a hand to the sore area. The pain wasn’t going away though. You thought back and realized you had some blood spotting but after finding that, Hercules frantically googled and realized that was normal. But this pain wasn’t. And you knew what was happening. “No. No, no, no.” You were crying before you knew it and fumbling to get your cell phone from your pocket.

Hercules was too far away to help right now. So you called Lafayette. “Mon amie! Bonjour!” He greeted happily.

“Laf. I need you to come over now.” You said in a pained voice.

“Mon amie, what’s wrong?” He was immediately alert and you hear noise in the background indicating that he was already slipping out the door.

“Just…get here. Please.” You begged.

“Im on my way.” He hung up and you dropped to the floor and the pain seemed to worsen. You didn’t try to stop the tears, you knew it was pointless. You were hurting in multiple way. “Mon amie!” Lafayette called as he entered. He had his own key in case of emergencies. A good idea apparently.

“Laundry room.” You called out. He came in and froze before squatting down to your level. “I’m having a miscarriage.” You stuttered out around tears.

“Non, mon amie we don’t know that. Let’s get you to the hospital.” He helped you stand and into his car. The pain was still there. You finally made it to the hospital and Lafayette was trying to find your doctor. He was speaking a flustered combination of French and English and confusing most of the nurses. So you had to explain.

After a few test your caregiver confined what you knew. You were miscarrying. You discussed the options with your doctor and hated that Hercules wasn’t there. The easiest option seemed to be the surgery. So they kept you overnight. “Do you want me to call Hercules?” Lafayette asked. You shook your head. “Mon amie, he needs to know.”

“And he will. But I don’t want to call him and have him rush home. By the time this is all over, I’ll still have a day before he gets home. Besides, he shouldn’t learn he lost his child over a phone call.” You had the plead with the nurse to let Lafayette stay, after all he wasn’t the father or your spouse. But he was all you had.

After being left overnight without eating and some medicine to clean out your system, you could go straight into the surgery. It was quick and simple and, thanks to pain killers, surprisingly easy. That didn’t mean you weren’t emotionally pained. Lafayette sat helplessly beside you as you cried. You were discharged that day. You spent most of the day laying in bed. Lafayette had actually finished your laundry and stayed on the couch.

You had another full day before Hercules would be home. You woke up before Lafayette and stared at the closed door of the nursery. You knew it was a bad idea. But you walked in and looked at the almost finished room. All it lacked was actually supplies like books, toys, diapers, clothes, and the rocking chair. Not to mention a child. Lafayette found you crying slumped against one of the walls of the nursery. He scooped you up and carried you to the living room, making sure to close the door once more, and held you on the couch. After a moment, you realized he was crying too. For you and Hercules and your loss. It made you cry harder.

Hercules was home the next morning. You woke up as he walked in. “Lafayette?” You heard him say as he found his friend in the living room. “What are you doing here? You know what, tell me while helping me unload the rocking chair.”

“Mon amie.” Lafayette said, stopping his friend. “Go talk to Y/N.”

“Uh…ok.” He was confused but obliged. You sat up in bed. A moment later Hercules walked in and smiled at you. Oh god, you were going to break his heart. “What’s going on?” He asked.

You wordlessly patted the bed beside you. He climbed up next to you and looked at you. He could sense the tension in the room and grew worried. You looked at him and lost it, you started sobbing again. “What’s going on?” He asked as he pulled you onto his lap.

“Herc, I lost the baby.” You said. You had your face pressed against his shoulder. Your words were muffled and quiet. But Hercules stiffened and you knew he heard you perfectly.

“But…I thought everything was fine.” You could hear the waver in his voice.

“I did too but…I was doing the laundry and there was pain and I called Lafayette.” You recounted everything. But you never moved from where you were. You kept your face hidden so that you wouldn’t have to see Hercules pain. But when he held you tighter and his frame started shaking, you knew his was crying. You cried harder. The two of you stayed in each others’ arms for a long time.

—

For a few months, things were hard. Neither you or Hercules left home for weeks. The other men came by often. There were days where both of you were quiet, just needing the other person. Some days you would tell endlessly about anything but kids in an attempt to forget. Some days you wouldn't leave your bed. Those days Hercules would just lay beside you and hold you close.

The baby furniture was taken down, left in boxes in the storage room. But the rocking chair was left behind. You couldn’t dismantle it nor send it back. You avoided that room for the most part. However, one day you peeked inside. There was a handmade baby blanket quilt tossed over the back of the chair. Neither you or Hercules mentioned it.

But eventually, the sorrow passed. Anger replaced it. You and Hercules would give each other the silent treatment. In your mind, it was your fault. You carried the baby after all. He must have been mad at you. And every time the two of you tried to talk, you would argue. And your friends were getting uncomfortable when they were with the two of you.

“Therapy?” You asked after your friends suggested it during what seemed like an intervention.

“We don’t need help.” Hercules spat. “We aren’t broken. What we’re feeling is normal.”

“Grief, sorrow, and confusion are normal.” Alexander said.

“Yelling at each other and fighting at every corner isn’t. And it’s couple’s therapy, you’d go together.” John explained. “We’re worried about you guys. You were so happy together and you were so excited to have a baby.” You and Hercules both flinched at the mention of it. “But now you’re always fighting. You two are good together and we just want you to consider it.”

Hercules was quiet that night. And you commented on it. “You’re quiet.”

“Yep.” He said.

“You’re thinking.” He nodded. “About what?” You prompted.

Hercules sighed. “Therapy.” He answered.

“You can’t be considering it.” You said.

“Why not?” Hercules asked. “We scream at each other daily. I kinda miss the days that you weren’t pissed at me.”

“Likewise.” You snapped back. “Yet I don’t think we need someone to tell us what’s wrong. I think we already know.” You said and placed a hand on your stomach. The two of you fell silent for the rest of the night.

—

You walked from your room one morning a few weeks later and searched for Hercules. He didn’t seem to be home. You sighed. It’s true that the two of you had been more and more distant. And since your friends suggested therapy it seemed to get worse. It was like since it was suggested, it seemed like maybe the two of you did need help. Though neither of you wanted to admit it. However, you didn’t think Hercules would go out without leaving a note or something for you.

You checked the last room. The would-be nursery. Instead of Hercules, you found Lafayette sitting in the rocking chair. His head was tipped back, resting against the back of the chair and his eyes closed. “This is a good chair.” He mused. You don’t know how he knew you were there, but you didn’t question that. Instead you questioned his presence.

“Why are you here?” You asked.

“Hercules had to go to his shop. Some emergency. He asked me to come over so you weren’t alone.” He explained and he opened his eyes. You raised a brow. Hercules asked him to do that? It didn’t seem like he cared much anymore. You wouldn’t blame him. You lost your child after all. “Why are you confused mon amie?” Lafayette asked.

You let out a dry chuckle.”I’m worried Hercules doesn’t care enough to do that anymore.” Lafayette gave you a small smile, sympathetic mostly but he also seemed a tiny bit amused. He pushed himself up and walked over to you.

“Mon amie,” He grabbed your wrists and pulled you over to the chair. Then he lightly pushed you so you lost your balance and dropped into the chair. You hadn’t even sat in it yet. You stilled. It didn’t feel right to be sitting here. It was Hercules’s chair, you didn’t have the kid. “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” He placed his foot on the end of the curved glider and pressed down, making the chair rock back and forth. But after a moment he stopped it with a hand on the arm rest. “I promise your amour still cares about you deeply. You are both hurting. You need to talk to each other.” He insisted. He left you alone in the room with the chair. He moved to shut the door as he left, however, he didn’t pull it all the way shut. It was left open slightly.

You rocked lightly back and forth. The chair was nice. There was a store bought cushion on the seat which made it much more comfortable than just the wooden seat. It rocked gently. The hand made quilt was on the back. You awkwardly reached back and grabbed it. You ran a hand over it. Hercules wanted a child so badly. He was so excited. You found it strange that he might be hurting like you. You thought it much more likely that he’d be mad. But someone who is mad doesn’t hole himself up in a room and finish a quilt. A person who is mad would ruin in, rip it, get rid of it somehow. But someone who is grieving would put all their effort into finishing it.

Lafayette didn’t come back to check on you. And you didn’t leave the room. But eventually you heard the front door open. “Sorry I called you out here like that.” You heard Hercules tell Lafayette. “I just worry about Y/N, ya know? This can’t be easy for her.”

“It’s not easy for you either mon amie.” Lafayette told Hercules.

“I know but it’s different. I didn’t carry the baby. I was gone when she lost it.” Hercules said.

“Non!” Lafayette shouted. “It hurts you all the same Hercules Mulligan! Even if it hurt differently, you need to talk to her!” He yelled. You had never heard him yell before. It was followed by the sound of the door slamming as Lafayette, presumably, stormed out. Then silence.

You quickly tossed the quilt back over the back of the rocking chair. You still weren’t ready to mention it. A few seconds after you got the quilt back where it belonged, Hercules knocked lightly and pushed the door open. “Are you uh…are you doing alright?” He asked. You cracked a small smile at his awkwardness.

“I’m…not completely ok.” You said honestly. “But I’m getting there.” Hercules nodded and you both fell quiet. “I’ve never actually sat in this chair before.” You voiced after a moment of silence. “Its a very nice chair.”

“Yeah it is.” Hercules agreed with his own small smile. “I vaguely remember my mother holding me and rocking me when I was really little. After that I remember her sitting in it and reading. It was her favorite spot. It would’ve been really nice for rocking our-” He stopped himself short.

You nodded solemnly. “Yeah it would’ve.” You agreed quietly.

—

You and Hercules went to couples therapy. And you were amazed to find that it was actually helping. You and Hercules could talk without fighting. You were back on stable ground and getting better and better. Your therapist attempted to get the two of you to talk about the child you lost, but it was still very difficult. You knew eventually you would be able to do that.

When you went shopping, you always made sure to avoid the baby section. While you used to enjoy walking through the park with Hercules, you couldn’t do it anymore. Too many happy kids and families. You couldn’t even go to Alexander’s house anymore. They guys tried to help but there wasn’t much they could do. There are moments that words just don’t reach, a suffering too terrible to name. They seemed to understand that.

And life moved on. Eventually, it was just a painful roadblock the seemed like an impassible mountain at first. You and Hercules made it back to your usual selves. There were still times that something would remind you of what you lost. You just tried to avoid the spare room so you wouldn’t have to see the rocking chair.

But, one day, you sought out the chair. You sat in it for the first time in months. You reached behind you and grabbed the blanket. It had swatches of pink and blue, after all, you never learned the gender. It was held together with white thread with a white border. You ran your fingers over it, marveling at Hercules skill.

You would need it soon. Hercules just had it done early is all. You carried it out to the living room. You laid on the couch while you studied it. You studied it until you fell asleep holding it.

—

Hercules walked inside and found you sound asleep on the couch. And you were holding that damn baby blanket. He had started it as a surprise when he found out about your pregnancy. Once you lost the baby, he couldn’t stop working on it. For him, it was a weird sense of closure. He had draped it over the back of the rocking chair and was grateful when you never mentioned it. He carefully pulled it from your grasp and refolded it. He put it over the back of the chair once more. He sighed.

He was excited to finally have the rocking chair. It was the chair that his parents used when he was born. It was important to Hercules to use it when he had a child. Now you didn’t need it and he didn’t know when you would. He left the room, closing the door behind him. The door used to be left open but the rocking chair sat in the corner, almost taunting you. He sat on the end of your bed with a sigh. You began trying for a child again, finally feeling up to it again. But so far, nothing had come of it. Hercules flopped back onto the mattress with a sigh. After a few minutes of silence he heard you clear your throat from the doorway.

He sat up and found you standing there with the blanket. He sighed again. “Why do you like that things so much all of a sudden?” He asked.

You sat beside him, still fiddling with the blanket. “You made it. I never really admired it.”

“I made it for a specific purpose.” He said.

“Kinda jumped the gun, don’t you think?” You asked.

“I didn’t start it until I found out you were pregnant. I just didn’t finish until after…” He trailed off.

“Hercules. I’m just saying you had this done months before I was pregnant.” You said.

His eyes widened. “You mean?” He asked. You smiled and nodded. He was kissing you in and instant. You could hear him murmuring that he loved you, he would be father, you were having a kid, a happy flow of words. It was like the first time once more. However, it was still different in it’s own way.

Hercules was more loving a passionate. He was careful and cautious. You took things much slower with the pregnancy and probably made more doctor’s appointments than necessary. At five months, the guys came and helped you set up the nursery once more. At seven months they got you gifts and helped stock the nursery with toys and diapers and books. However, you were waiting until the baby was born to find out the gender so no clothes yet.

At eight and a half months, you were sat on the couch with Hercules. You were nodding off, as recently you were getting less and less sleep at night. You’d either be too hot or cold. If you were comfortable, your baby would be kicking and squirming. If they baby was still, you’d be uncomfortable. So sleep didn’t come easily anymore. Luckily you were on maternity leave so you didn’t need sleep for daily work.

However, you were immediately alert as a painful contraction wracked through you. You gripped Hercules’s arm tightly and gasped. “What’s wrong babe?” He asked.

“I think I’m going into labor.” You said as the pain eased up slightly.

“I thought you still had half a month.” Hercules said, fear evident.

“That’s only a few weeks Hercules.” You said. You tightened your grip once more as another pain went through you. This was slightly less painful as the first but still made you wince. “Hercules we need to get to the hospital now.”

So you and Hercules left. Hercules called Lafayette on the way. So the boys were a only a few minutes behind you. You got to the hospital and were immediately taken to a delivery room. The doctors reassured you that there was nothing wrong, your baby just decided to come a bit early. So after hours of intense pain and pushing, you relaxed as the doctors confirmed that they had the baby. You had been gripping Hercules hand tightly the entire time. “Are you alright?” He asked you. He used his free hand to wipe hair from your forehead. It was only then that you realized how badly you were sweating.

“I’m fine, but now I know why it’s called labor.” You replied with a small smile. You and Hercules both looked toward the doctors as you heard a small cry.

“Everything is fine, we just had to get the oxygen flowing.” He walked closer to you with a pink bundle. “I’d like to introduce you both to your daughter.” The doctor said and handed the little girl to you.

“She’s so small.” You breathed. “I knew baby were small but…this is even smaller than I expected.” You said. You voice had wavered and that’s when you realized you had tears in your eyes.

“She’s also beautiful.” Hercules said. His voice was so soft, and slightly wobbly. You looked at him and noticed tears in his eyes as well. “Hi there sweetie.” Hercules said softly to your child. He eyes were closed but Hercules continued to talk anyway. He even reached out and slipped his finger into her tiny fist. She reflexively tightened his grip on his finger. “I’m you dad and this is your mom. And we are going to protect you and love you very much.”

She let out the smallest noise, almost as if she were responding to Hercules. You pressed a light kiss to the top of her head. “Yes. We will love you with all our hearts.”

“What should we name her?” Hercules asked. You smiled. You already had the perfect name in mind.

#hamilton #hamilton imagine #hercules x reader #hercules mulligan x reader #Hercules Mulligan #hercules imagine

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butchsombra · 7 years

Text

just probably some longwinded breakdown shit

im so tired of being so alone and isolated. i thought i was sort of fine but im not

im so far from ok and its all coming crashing down

the vast majority of my friends are online and i love you but its not the same thing. im tired of living w my family who i feel like i cant talk to and not getting physical affection from ppl im comfortable w bc theyre too far away to hug

im tired of feeling like i have no hope

im tired of never processing anything since it all comes and makes me fucking implode

its never been this bad before i dont know how to deal with this i keep crying bc i cant deal i dont know how to move forward

im afraid if i try to move forward im just gonna be more disillusioned

i dont know if i can deal w a mediocre therapist

and i dont have spoons to find one myself so i’d have to trust my mom to find me one and idk if i do

but thats my only option

i need to talk to a therapist and process some shit bc i cant do this im so overwhelmed

i need to make progress i need to not rely on my friends for my happiness its so bad for me its so fucking unhealthy

i keep going between crying, intense anxiety, and just fucking dissociating bc i just cant process anything

im tired of bottling everything up bc i dont know how to process it

i need a fucking vacation but my life basically is a vacation according to most people

but they dont understand its a fucking nightmare

i wish i could work i wish i could have a life i wish so many things

i dont want to wish because i know i will be disappointed and it hurts

so much

and i cant deal w more hurt rn

im tired of being so alone and trying to support everyone when im barely living myself

i hate that this one thing i used to be able to do to feel worthwhile i cant do anymore

its just too much

i havent been sleeping well lately bc i wake up after a couple hours anxious as fuck

i only slept like four hours tonight and honestly that was lucky

im so tired i have a mild headache constantly

and i cant sleep more bc of anxiety

im scared of change im so scared

im tired of feeling so alone its breaking me

i love my online friends but its just

its not enough

it makes me feel worse when im not socializing online

im too fucking codependent and its become so much worse lately

i want my brain to stfu so i can

just sleep

i need sleep i really really need sleep

i need my brain to shut up so i can chill even if i cant sleep

idk how to get my brain to chill

i wish i knew but im pretty sure i have to do sth either processign or actual actions and everything is scary

i should just email my mom and ask her to make me a therapist appointment asap

i hate feeling weak tho

but like

im fucked up i need help thats ok??

i dont believe that at all for myself

im just a mess right now im sorry if you read this im tired of burdening people

i dont have a lot of hope rn and thats killing me

and im so afraid to hope for anything bc my entire life has been a series of disappointments

ims cared

#sorry #im not really ok

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serenavonromvesen · 5 years

Text

September 21st, 2019.

I really don’t know where else to vent but on tumblr. I have always used tumblr as an outlet for venting and I’m reaching a point where I really just need to write out how I’m feeling, without cramping my hand writing with pen and paper.

I feel really lonely as far as friends go. I have an AMAZING group of friends, but so many of them live far away. I have my tribe and I feel I will always have that, but its never the same as having lady friends, I literally have like three or four ladyfriends that I can actually hang out with in person, and only one of them is someone I didnt meet through my boyfriend first. its not that I have anything I want to share behind him, its that I always feel like on some level they’re always more his friend than mine- and at that, I didn’t choose most of them to be in my life, they were given to me. don’t get me wrong, I’m SO grateful for anyone I do have currently in my life. I just don’t have any friends who truly understand me, and especially not that are into the things that I am. I would love so much to be able to be friends with another tattoo model in my area, and ACTUALLY genuinely have a real friendship. I emphasize ‘genuinely’ because this industry is FULL of backstabbing bitches that would throw you in front of a bus to get one more step ahead of you. I just want a girl I can hang out with all the time SO bad. and the one person here who is awesome, works like ALLLLL the time. it sucks pretty bad when you only have one true friend and they end up getting way too busy for you. she’s supposed to move away anyways she said, so I guess I better get used to it now anyways. I’m just so sad of having no girls to actually hang out with. Skyping with my best friend is great, but it just isnt the same- and a lot of time I do get put aside compared to actually going to hang out with people anyways. which i dont have here.

now, I’m SUPER introverted, nervous, shy, socially awkward AND anxious, and sometimes I have a hard time making normal conversation. in fact, I am always secretly bothered by the fact that I’m PRETTY SURE i have some form of Autism, but I would never actually say that I am being diagnosed, but I am terrified to find out. I once emailed a place to ask some questions and set an appointment, but I never heard back.. that was i think last year. Anyways, I don’t want a ton of friends or anything. I dont want to hang out every day- it’s exhausting. but I still want the option to be able to call someone up in those rare days where I do feel like going outside or seeing people, to actually have fun. I used to have that in New Jersey, my group of girls that I hang with an we all really support each other. I miss them so bad. I am SO homesick for like, the last two years now. I try not to think about it if I can help it, but I miss my friends, I miss my mom.. I hate that I’m missing my baby cousins grow up, I hate that I’ve FINALLY made a connection with some of my cousins and now I’ll rarely ever see them, I hate that I can’t do body suspensions more often, I hate that I don’t get to see my brother Sean when he visits... but most of all I do HATE New Jersey and could never live there. I just wish so bad it hadn’t been like 4-5 years since I’ve seen my friends and family. it hurts. I’m so homesick for just the strong friendships I have.

I just...know its possible. I know its possible to have the small group of friends I want. I just wish girls weren’t so...mean and competitive. I just feel so lonely. I feel like I don’t have anyone to hang out with thats a female. why is everyone so far away? I’m home alone all day every day. you’d think a puppy wouldve made me feel less alone, but really I’m a thousand times more stressed than ever. I wanted to move for a fresh start, to breathe, so enjoy peace...and as soon as I got here everyones over all the time and it just reminds me how I dont have friends of my own, and how my friends dont come to visit me, and how I never get a second to myself. I finally got the chance and heres this puppy. i love him with my life but I AM SO STRESSED!!! I’m with him 10-14 hours a day by myself and then half of the time I’m still the one dealing with him at the crack of dawn, too. I never get time alone unless he sleeps and then I have to walk on eggshells to not wake him up- AND I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING WANT THIS!!! when I was forced to give up my other pupper, Hades, I said I never wanted a puppy again because IT IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. it puts me on edge and greatly disrupts my bipolar. i literally CANT handle it. I said I would get a dog no younger than 2 years old. I wanted a border coli so bad, maybe even a doberman because I still miss my old dog Max SO MUCH! I like bigger dogs and never really was a big fan of little dogs. I like a dog I can give a whole ass hug to, and feel protected by when I walk alone down a street with him. but no, Michael had to choose, he wanted a puppy, he wanted a small-type pure bred dog which means it’ll be twice as expensive twice as often with vet visits. but he wanted it. he insisted. and now, here we are, just like scooping the litter boxes for all 4 cats, its pretty much almost entirely left on me to do. for so so long I told myself “well he works and I dont really work, I’m home all day and hes not here much to have the time for it.” but you know what I realized? That when I worked full time at Starbucks, or when I worked two jobs at both the Smoke Shoppe AND Spencers, that I still put in the same amount of work as all of this- I was still expected to do all of this. at that, I am SO SICK AND TIRED of him asking me EVERY FUCKING DAY “will you mop today? will you do the laundry? will you do that dogs medicine? will you change the cat boxes?” periodically throughout every morning. like oh, I didn’t realize that I was a fucking 4 year old that needs direction on needing to do basic fucking cleaning tasks!!!!! the only reason I dont get to half that stuff most of the time is that I’m annoyed as fuck at being told what to do / treated that way, and that by the time he leaves for work theres been a whole fucking list of shit lined up that I now feel EXPECTED to do before hes home from work. it literally aggravates me SO MUCH just typing about it because im so fucking pissed off that he does this EVERYMOTHERFUCKINGDAY. it makes me feel angry and completely overwhelmed and then I just spend my entire day dreading it then rushing to do it right before he gets home from work. I just fucking hate it. like I’m fucking 25 years old, I know what the fuck to do to keep the fucking house clean, thanks.

at that, between the no friends, the fucking belittlement of being given a verbal list of chores every day, and the stress from puppy I absolutely did NOT ask for, I am feeling so depressed. I wanted a new house so I could ENJOY it, but instead any moment in my backyard is spent trying to get the puppy to stop eating random crap the people before us left- like glass, I cant enjoy how the inside looks because theres puppy training pads all over the floor which the floor is always dirty because of being in and out of the house with the puppy, or just even a moment of peace at all. like literally this defeated the whole entire purpose of wanting to move. its still a gazillion times better than the trailer, I still totally love this house, but because of my stress and loneliness level, I feel nearly just as depressed as before.

what doesnt help is lately Michael has been SO negative abut things. it’s like when I finally am enjoying myself, he comes through like a wrecking ball being negative, depressing, unsupportive, argumentative, and just plain giving off vibes that make me feel so down. He still makes me feel super happy like 98% of the time, but it is such a downer when hes being super negative about EVERYTHING. or when he gets my hopes up about things and then goes back on his word. he LOVES to tell me yes to shut me up then saying no when it becomes real, a mega part of why I haven’t gotten to visit my family in 4 years. and then he makes me feel SO bad about it. he has no problem bragging to everyone about a vacation, but when its just us suddenly its “I have to do this on my own” and “it’s expensive” like really? thanks for bragging about it for two months, waiting until we have it a month away to tell me its 100% on me to plan it, then complain about everything I tried to plan, WHILE making me feel like a complete and utter loser that I’m a failure at everything I try to do so now I don’t make any money. I literally fucking hate myself again. that’s where I’m at. I’m starting to find my body, my hair, my face- all of it repulsive. I hate how I look. I hate my hair and how my dreads are all lose, but I have to ask him for money to be able to fix my hair. he always tells me just ask and it isnt a problem but then when I do want to do things he makes me wait ages and puts it off or flat out complains- or if it all goes smoothly he throws it in my face the first fight we have. I just feel like such a fucking loser, that’s getting uglier by the day. and when I finally worked up the courage to go to the gym, its like pulling teeth to get him to go- I’ve been asking for a year and we STILL haven’t gone. I want to be a breakdancer SO BAD and I’ll never get to do that if I can’t go to the gym to work out. he tells me to just go but he doesnt understand that being a woman alone in public these days you’re at extreme risk of being raped and 10/10 multiple dudes will trying saying gross things and hitting on you/catcalling. I wish so so so so so bad I could go out for a day and have not a soul talk to me or look at me. what a dream that would be. I just cant go alone. its literally dangerous. scary.

I just feel so STUCK. I want to make money so I can contribute to the house and pay for what I need MYSELF. I never ever liked being someone who fully depends on someone like that. hell, a decade ago I refused to let anyone even get me a simple drink from a convenience store. it still feels uncomfortable to have to be like this. I want to be able to take care of myself. to know that if it was just me that I wouldnt just...be out on the streets. now I’m getting married and its a great relief that thats a less legitimate fear, but I still want to be able to take care of myself so that I could help my babe. he works SO hard for us and spends SO much money taking care of us, I just want to be able to pay my part of that and make HIS life easier, so that we BOTH can do more things that we like instead of just paying bills till the next check. I feel so useless and worthless. but everything I try to do I just fail at, or I’m too depressed and just lose the passion for it. or the will to do nearly anything. I really thought moving was going to change everything for me but... I feel nearly just as depressed. the environment change has definitely helped but, it didn’t suddenly cure my depression like I hoped for..

I just feel so alone, in like, literally everything I try to do. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. when I do think I fit in, it just turns out to be a delayed rejection. I swear I get screwed over and stabbed in the back more often than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. I’m easily forgotten and definitely easy to fuck over. I just wish people werent so hateful and selfish... all I want is to have female friends I can actually hang out with, have some help with my puppy, to talk to my fiance without him thinking I’m having an argument, to workout so I can dance, and to do something I love that makes me happy that I can make money with. I feel like I failed as a model too. I make all these plans and then.. I can never accomplish them. I often think, is it worth it really? to compete with all these girls when I dont care about competition? to be screwed over because I’m an opponent to everyone I wish I was friends with? to try and build working-relationships with photographers who seem to forget about me before I even get my pictures back? to not be paid for modeling when I spent tons of money on clothes for shoots? to not have my name out there after a year and a half? to not even be able to find a photographer that wants to shoot for publication? or be told I’m not inked enough to shoot again (the day after I got tattooed?)? I just feel like a failure. I spent over a thousand dollars on clothes for shoots, plus all traveling expenses, to have only ever profited $50 one time and then never get my edited photos back. I just feel like I’m not worth anything, that I can’t contribute or make money without making myself excessively unhappy working jobs I hate- only to be belittled there too.

I don’t even care about social media anymore. I don’t care to check instagram or post on it. why? so I can spend two hours doing makeup so I could post a selfie to write another caption telling everyone that “one day” I’ll do more? what’s the point? If only I had someone I could invite over to talk to about it :( I just feel so...unexcited by everything. like Stan in the episode about shit. I’m bored, I feel gross, I feel lonely, I’m overwhelmingly stressed, I’m growing to hate myself again, and I feel like I don’t have the positive influence I need to get better. I WANT to get better, I just need help and I don’t have anyone I feel I could reach out to that could actually help me. I just really need a friend...

#lonely #need friends #personal #feeling small #journal entry

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awesome-legendarystudentcho-blog · 6 years

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I recently moved and changed the details on my drivers licence and log book. When I called the insurance company to do the same they said i would need to pay 60 to cover the cost of the change between now and the renewal period (which at the time was approx 6 weeks away). All of this was AFTER they took my previous and new address to confirm my ID. When I asked them why this was as I had paid my entire premium in full last year (so as not to incur direct debit charges) they just repeated themselves. I did not have the 60 and said well I will just stay at the previous address (my ex-boyfriends) until my renewal comes through and I will change address then. However...my renewal has just come through in my NEW address but with postcode where vehicle kept overnight as my OLD address!! What does this actually mean?? surely if I have to make a claim it doesn't matter where the vehicle is kept esp as they have my address and the majority of claims do not happen at your residence!!! I have read the policy back to front and they even added amendments this year to include admin charges and NOWHERE does it mention being charged for change of address. I have literally moved around the corner surely its not just about postcodes or am I being naive??

Insurance company not paying for car repair that isn't my fault?

I was in an car accident. I was in the right hand side of the parking lot and I was backing out of my parking space. I was in the middle of the parking lot, and a guy pulling out of his parking space on the left hand side of the parking lot. While I was in the middle of the parking lot, the guy back his car into mine (In a hurry). After this accident happened, this guy admitted that he hit me and the accident was his fault. The police showed up and we told our stories and he admit to the police that the accident was his fault and it was on the police report. After the accident, we went our separate ways. I talked to my insurance company and they told me that since the guy that hit me admitted that he caused the accident, I had to take it up with the guy's insurance company. I called the insurance adjuster from the other insurance company and gave my statement and he told me that he viewed the accident as both our faults and would not pay me to have my car fixed. And I told him that his client admitted to the accident and he said it didn't matter. I would have to go to my insurance company to have my car fixed. I have arbitration. Also, the adjuster said that I can go through arbitration. I don't know what to do. What can I do about it?""

How much would insurance be for a seventeen year old female driving 1999 Chevrolet?

I am sixteen i turn seventeen soon. My grandma will not keep me on her insurance About how much will insurance be for me as a 17 year old female driving a 1999 Chevrolet

Health Insurance for expecting baby?

Where can I get free / low cost health insurance for my expecting baby? In louisville, Ky ???? Please help!!!""

Do i need to add extra car insurance?

Hello. My father has a BMW and i am 16. When i am 17 i want to share the BMW with my father. My father has insurance on the car already. Its a full cover insurance. When i am 17 do i need to add extra insurance to the car or do i just leave it as it is? Do i need to add my name along with my dads name to the owner of the car?

Health insurance for a married couple.?

My wife and I haven't had insurance since we graduated college this past winter and moved to California. We are now waiting for me to start dental school in the fall and I am working at a company in California with no benefits. We have one child who is covered and thus doesn't need to coverage. So we are looking to find insurance from now until mid August (about 5 months). Do we need to get short term insurance? What should we expect to pay for the two of us? Should/can we get covered individually? Any companies that you suggest? We would be more interested in low premium high deductible.

What questions will car insurance co. ask?

I am preparing to get car insurance for the first time, and I want to know what kind of questions the insurance company will be asking me.""

Car insurance for people without cars.?

I don't have a car but occasionally I need to drive and I use other peoples cars. Is there an insurance you can get for yourself without having a car?

What kind of car insurance can i obtain?

I am 20 years old and i live in California. I have a driver's license but no car. I have heard that there is a type of insurance policy that can cover any car that I drive that is not of my own. Does anyone know which policy that is and from which agency is it from. Also if its an expensive one.

IF YOU GET PULLED OVER WITHOUT CAR INSURANCE?

IF YOU GET PULLED OVER AND YOU Have no insUraNce on your car how much is tHE fine???

Does my fully comp learner-driver car insurance cover the accompanying driver or must they be insured too?

I hold a UK Provisional Drivers License. I am insured (fully comprehensive) on my own car. Does the fully licenced driver which I have to have with me at all times have to be insured to drive my car as well (either as a named driver or covered by their own insurance to drive any car) or will my fully comp insurance cover them too? Please no answers telling me about compare sites as I am already insured, I just want more info as to whether my companion driver is covered by this. (I recently asked a similar question and got nothing but links to compare sites so decided to be more precise)""

Which of these is the correct Republican opposition to universal healthcare?

A. The government can't run anything right B. Government-run healthcare will be too successful, and private insurance companies won't be able to compete As with the Obama is simultaneously a Muslim, a Radical Black Christian, and Godless Communist argument, sooner or later you are going to have to pick one and go with it...at least in this place some of us like to call reality ...""

When do I need to get insurance when purchasing a car?

I'm going shopping this weekend for a new(used) car. I have current insurance on my car right now. If I end up getting a car this weekend can I wait until Monday to get insurance, or do I have to do it that day? I'm in California by the way. I asked the loan officer and she said something about me having 10 days to get it, but I've been reading otherwise. Thanks!""

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What auto insurance companies are currently appointing in Florida?

I have been a licensed 2-20 Insurance Agent for a year now. Im currently looking for auto insurance companies that are appointing in Florida. Any names and phone numbers of these companies would be a big help. Here are lists of companies that Im currently writing business with: Bristol West Progressive Gainsco Seminoles I need some more companies so that I am not only limited to these four. By the way I am in the SW Florida area. Thanks SO much for your help guys

Why is my car insurance going up if I have a good driving record?

I just moved about a block from my old rental (old lease was for 2 years) so I updated my address at my insurance. The policy went up to about 100$ a month which I don't understand because I have been told I am low risk and in the preferred age category 25+. I have a cousin about 9 years older who has multiple accidents, claims and tickets who only pays 60$. So what the heck is going on? I am comparing apples to apples on deductibles but it seems as if the insurance companies are punishing me for having a clean record with no accidents. I am just about 30 years old and only have one car a 2000 Saturn LW2 that I've owned outright for 6 years without payments. Even my younger friends who still party and drink pay lower than I do. Is it possible there is false information that the insurance companies are basing my rate on? The lowest rate I have been able to find is 70$ a month... but everything else is over 150$ per month......grr. I am a complete square and only drive up to 5 miles total a day for commute so I don't see why I should be paying so much. I was told by a friend that I should have had a price drop when I hit 26 because that is the cut off for DUI risk but it hasn't happened.""

My car was totaled by my insurance?

I bought a 1999 Honda for $4,500 in March of 2010 from a private party, about nine months ago. The owner never disclosed the fact that the car had been totaled in December on 2009. According to Washington State unless the total meets certain criteria it doesnt have to be listed on the title. On January 17th 2011, I was involved in a car accident. The insurance totaled my car. Somehow the insurance discovered that it had been perversely totaled, which I was not aware of. I had full coverage on the car. They now are saying that I will get receive what the car is worth with a savaged title. My question is, do I have to except this or can I fight for the value of a clean titled vehicle? Should they have run a check on the vin when I insured it with them and discovered the that the vehicle had been totaled before? Or is everything my fault?""

How much does insurance cost for a teenage driver?

So the car would be a scion frs I'm a guy....it's a coupe and with which company would it cost the least I live in Orange County california

Auto insurance price? 16 year old.?

I am 16 in June. I own a mustang lx but it is the 2.3l model that my company geico doesn't classify dangerous or a sports car. My dad has wonderful credit. The car and insurance is in his name. So is my car ad tittle and tag. Basically to keep costs down everything is tech his. I will be listed as driving 10-15% of the time As a secondary driver. His driving record is clear and great credit. He has a jeep patriot 2013 and my 1989 lx mustang will be the 2nd car. They got a brand new car and his credit when checked was about the best possible. Forget the numbers but literally the best possible by a few. Never missed payments etc. so about how much a year or every 6 months would my 89 4 banger mustang cost to insure?

What does an approved provider mean to health insurance company?

I want to list myself as an approved provider for speech therapy but I am not a proferred provider for any health insurance plan.

Low Insurance Car For Teen Boy?

I am turning 16 in a couple of months and I need to know what USED vehicles would be best for low insurance. Nothing lower than 1998 and nothing higher than 2007. Please give me some suggestions. NO ugly cars either...

Auto Insurance?

A friend of mine just got a quote for insurance of around 2400 per year. She has no driving record, drives a older car, is female, and past 35 years of age. Granted she lives in NJ. This cant be right. We can only come up with 2 possible reasons. First, she's only had a US liscence for a year a now. Second, her husband has a suspended Liscence. Is this normal?""

2 Door Cars vs 4 Door Cars cost of Insurance?

I am interested in going from my 4 Door Acura TSX to a 350z or G35 Coupe, 2 door cars. I was wondering what the difference in prices would be for me, I am 19, no accidents, no tickets, clean record. As of now my parents have me on their insurance which I am sure makes it much cheaper, so what would the average cost of switching be if I was on my parents insurance or I was to take up my own. Please let me know, Thanks! :)""

What would insurance be for me with these cars?

2002 Impreza rs. silver, 4 door, all wheel drive, manual transmission. 2004 nissan sentra se-r, silver, 4 door, manual transmission. I'm 17 years old and would drive the car to work and school about 5 days a week.""

Can anyone tell me about Motor insurance card systems?

I need to know about the Orange, Blue, Pink, Brown, Yellow and White card systems. I found some goof info on wikipedia but i now need something to back it up. all i can find on internet searches is info on the generic green card. can anyone help?""

No medical insurance?

I had pain in my lower right abdomen in january for 7 days. I went to the ER because I don't have medical insurance and someone told me they are good at working payment arrangments. I just got a bill for over 5 thousand dollars in the mail. I called and they said they would send me the paper work via mail to apply for payment arrangments, but I couldn't set it up over the phone. My question is, how good are hospitals (mine is in California) at working with people who don't have medical insurance and have a limited income? I am a full time graduate student so this may be difficult to pay back..""

""How much does it cost to be on birth control w/ no insurance, how often do you have to see a doctor?

thanks

What would be a good first car thats cheap?

oh and btw while i'm at it whats cheap insurance for a 16 year old male,liability pretty much""

Car Insurance Payout?

I have a car in Ireland, it was stolen the other night. But I am working in the US at the moment. My car is fully insured, but because it was left in the driveway of my girlfriend, will there be a problem getting a payout. It is worth about 5000 euros, how much should i expect to get??? Thanks!""

Can I drive my car without insurance?

I don't have insurance yet. But my car is insured under both my parents name. So if drive my car with my mom or dad is in the car with me, and i get into an accident, will it still be insured cuz my dad or mom was in the car with me? Mom says it won't be insured.""

Is motorcycle insurance expensive for beginners?

What's a good homeowners insurance in California?

A friend of mine just bought a home for the first time. She wants to know if there's any recommended insurance for homes in California.. particularly Fresno, CA if anybody is familiar with any. Thanks in advance. Any suggestions or direction will do.""

Is insurance cheaper if you lease a new car?

And how much is the security deposit usually?

Where does a single woman find affordable health insurance without the high deductible?

Classic car insurance for young drivers?

I'm 17 years old and my father is trying to insure me for the classic cars we own. But the insurance company that we're with as of right now says I must be 24 before I can be insured under a classic car (or something along those lines). I am already insured under three newer cars as a secondary driver. Are there any insurance companies that will insure young drivers under a classic car? What if I was registered as a secondary driver for the classic car? Any answers are appreciated.

Life insurance for people with bad health?

Are there any cheap life insurance companies that insure people who have existing health conditions such as heart failure?

Is Progressive Insurance cheaper than Geico?

""Why am I getting quoted 11,000 for 1.0L third party only car insurance?""

I am 17 years old (male) and have just passed my driving test. I was supposed to purchase a 2010 Citroen C1 5 door with a 1.0L engine today but had a look at the insurance first. This tiny, under powered pathetic excuse of a car is probably the most insurance friendly car I could think of yet on all the car insurance sites like go compare and confused the lowest quotes were 11,000. What am I doing wrong? I have been able to choose all the best stuff like locked in a garage at night, the highest excess, low annual mileage etc There is nothing in my details that would be counter productive for a low insurance quote. This is only third party as well, if I was to have a bump my car wouldn't even be covered! I need to be driving by christmas, I don't even care that much about what car I have to drive (hence the C1) as long as it isn't too old. Just anything that I will get a realistic quote on. Any advice? Maybe I am doing something wrong here. Thanks!""

What is the average cost of car insurance?

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For what reason would i not qualify for unemployment insurance in California?

i was recently let go from work. so, for what reasons could i not qualify for unemployment insurance? and for what reason could i qualify for it?""

Best option for buying insurance for my 8 yr old child?

I am wanting to buy insurance for my child. He is no longer covered by his old plan and I want to get it ASAP. Without having company/ group coverage as an option I have been looking at EHealth online services. It can be a little confusing on just exactly which is the right deal. My child is never sick and has no existing issues, but with all the sport; I just don't want to be facing a broken leg and no insurance. I could some advise here. I have all but pulled the trigger on a package I found through Humana (I think) on the E health site but I just would like an nonbias opinion first. Thanks""

Question about motorcycle insurance in the UK?

I just got a quote for the motorcycle I intend buying when I pass my test. Seemed a bit excessive at almost 900. I'm 23 and have ridden a 125 for a year with no claims. The bike is insurance group 13. My question: Does the fact I don't have a full license yet and haven't bought the bike affect insurance quotes?

In san diego when you have a driving permit do you have to be part of your parents insurance?

Auto insurance rates?

hi there. I'm doing a project for school that requires us to find the auto insurnace rates for people of the following categories: >a male just getting their licence (who has taken driver education classes) >a male just getting their license (who has not taken driver education classes) >a 25 year old male (who has taken driver education classes) >a 25 year old male (who has not taken driver education classes) >a person convicted of driving while intoxicated

Bankruptcy and Homeowners Insurance Lapse....?

Going through bankruptcy. My question stems from a fire we had at the house. We did not mention it to our insurance company just yet and it has been 5 months already. we were told we should report it right away, but I wasnt' sure if we had insurance. Couldn't afford the insurance. So, 2 years back, my loan company sent me paperwork to sign up for their insurance which is mandatory if one does not supply proof of insurance to them. After this time, would I still, likely, have insurance through my insurance company? and what repercussions would I face for taking so long to report it? Thx, Adreamer2""

Bussiness liability Insurance state of ga?

Looking to purchase INS. For a company that goes to car dealerships and performs work on the cars on the dealers lot . If a car has cloth they would switch it out for leather (pre made kit). No emp. Only owner. How much do we need ? Where do you buy it ? THANKS

Auto insurance rate question?

How much can your insurance rates go up after one accident

The Cheapest Car Insurance Company?

Hi im 20, i got a quote on a peugeot 205, m reg, 1.6, its around the 1,500 mark =O, anyone maybe can help""

Is there a penalty for not signing up for affordable health care if disabled collecting medicare?

Now my question is am I going to be penalized for not having any insurance and only having Medicare I and my husband are on disability, because of brain tumors and seizures? it ...show more""

Will my liability car insurance cover another car?

Okay, so the brakes of my car aren't functioning pretty well. So it stayed at a shop. Meanwhile, I am driving my mom's car. But its not insured. Will my insurance cover her car if anything? I reside in state of Texas.""

How do i fight GAP insurance?

hello.... so i purchased a vehicle in 2006..... didn't like it too much so i took it back to dealership and traded it for a different vehicle and bought full warranty on it. dealership said the warranty was good for 50000 miles or 4 years. the vehicle was totaled just recently and i owed about 7500 dollars on it. my insurance paid 6100 dollars for it and i was thinking ok no problem the gap will cover the rest , but the gap insurance is only paying 212 dollars on it. they said there was some left over loan on my old car which they will not cover... i don't know much this insurance crap but its really breaking my balls that i will have to paying almost a 1000 dollars out of my own pocket. is there any i can fight gap insurance and have them pay the entire left over loan??""

Auto and House Insurance...what to ask!?

I'm a first time auto and house insurance buyer....yipee (NOT!) As I shop around for prices, I find each of the policies vary so much. What are some key questions I should be asking? What are the things I should be inquring about which will greatly affect the future with this insurance? In other words, to those of you who have had experience with insurance policies, what do you find most important in having on your policy? How do I make sure I'm well covered?? Thanks!!!""

How much will motorcycle insurance cost for me?

I'm 18, i live in austin, texas, and i plan on getting a kawasaki ninja 250 for my first bike""

How to get a lucrative income in health insurance?

does anyone do health insurance sales and what is the best way to excel at this profession

Insurance?

If Im 17 and have my license, can I drive my friends car with insurance? or do I have to also have it?""

Financing a new car and with no insurance?

could I finance a new car then have it sit in my drive way with no plates or registration to avoid paying for insurance ontill I pay the car off

How much does u-haul insurance cost?

Why do comparision websites have cheaper prices than if you go to the insurer direct?

On some comparison websites like http://www.quotezone.co.uk/dial-direct.htm the prices are cheaper than if you go straight to the insurance company. Why is this?

Why do people keep comparing health insurance to car insurance?

Yes you are forced to have car insurance....if you OWN a car! Why do people keep stating that being forced into buying health care is no different than being federally mandated to own car insurance?

Best insurance companies for 21 year old passed my test.?

ok ive pased my test a month on friday and i gettin a car this week and i need some insurance on the car obviiously lol, well basically whats the cheapest car insurance all you 21 year old have and who is it with, please :)""

Car Insurance Question?

I recently had an accident that caused my car to be written off. There have been no problems and I'm now waiting for a cheque from my insurers. My question is this. When the cheque comes and I buy a new car what happens with regard to insurance, will I have to take out a new policy, can I keep the existing policy and add my new car to it, will my monthly payments go up, or none of the above? I'm sure this is very simple for an expert but it confuses the hell out of me.""

Car insurance?

which car insurance company do you perfer for a teen that just starting a job and just turned 16

Whats the best and cheaper insurance auto company in England?

Buying Car at 17 - Is there easier way to check insurance?

My parents are getting me a car for when i turn 17, and they asked me to look around online for one. The thing is, is there a easier way to check how much the insurance would be for me without answering a million questions. I just want to check approximately how much it would be? Because i need a car that would be about under 1500 a year insurance""

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Average medical cost of baby first year?

We have a $600 deductable with an 80/20 co-pay for our health insurance. Supposing the baby gets sick one time in the first year & goes to regular checkups, what would the medical expenses be? How much is birth at a hospital with an epidural & 2 day stay? Of course, this is all assuming we have a healthy baby.""

Cheapest insurance companies for 18 years old guy?

Hello, does any one know any cheap insurance for `18 years old boy. Im looking forward to buy: 1) vw polo 2001 1.0 2) skoda fabia 2001 1.0 3) Seat ibiza 2001 1.4 Thanks !!""

Does my teenager need to be added to my insurance policy BEFORE he receives his driver's license?

Three of my friends didn't add their kids until they actually had their licenses, and the driving school said that technically they are covered by the parent's insurance while driving with just a permit. When I called AAA, they said I needed to add him. If I don't have to add him to the policy until he's actually a licensed driver and save the enormous $$$ it'll cost, I'd prefer to wait.""

Can i stay on my sister car insurance?

right now i am 18 and living with my sister and i am on her car insurance, but in about 4-5 months i am moving out. Can i stay on her insurance even though i wont be living with her?""

How would i get health insurance with no income?

with obama care about to start, how can I get health insurance, I don't qualify for Medicaid because I don't have any income, I'm 37, single female, I stay with friends when they throw me out I go to homeless shelters, I live in south carolina, I won't be able to pay fees for not having health insurance""

Insurance quote for 2002 Chevy Cavalier z24?

Hi, I am interested in buying a 99-03 Chevy Cavalier, and I am wondering if anyone knows how much the insurance would cost per year or month? I'm a 17 year old male, and this will be my first car. Also have finished drivers' ed.""

What company offers the cheapest auto insurace?

Help!!!I My car insurance is $432.00 a month! My husband has gotten 3 speeding tickets within the past year and our car insurance has sky rocketed. We currently have Geico Insurance and I have gotten a few more qoutes from different companies but nothing has been cheaper. Besides the obvious advise (SLOW DOWN), does anyone know what we can do to lower our monthly premium?""

How does the insurance know who's driving the car?

My dad want to buy me a car I'm 16 got my liscence a month ago. My uncle wants to sell him a 2008 Mitsubishi lancer evo. He wants to put in the insurance that I'm driving my moms car and she's driving the evo. But I'm going be the driver. Well they be able to tell I'm the driver? And we'll insurance be cheaper that way?

How much is car insurance for an inexperienced first year driver 18 years old in North Carolina?

Like can I get estimates from each company. I've never had a license and my family refuses to pay for my car insurance...so I have to pay it...

Do you need to have car insurance to rent a car?

I used to live in Ohio. Now i live in Florida. I'm trying to plan a trip up to Ohio to see my friends next week. I sold my car here in Florida because i really didn't need it anymore. So of course my car insurance was cancelled after that. Will they let me rent a car without insurance? I know you can buy the rental company's insurance which i will do of course. Thank you in advance.

""If a person is caught driving an uninsured car, when they finally do get insurance, will it cost more?

I'm trrying to explain to my friend why it isn't worth it for him to drive an uninsured car. I'd like to know if insurance rates are higher if a person has been caught driving an uninsured car.

Would my car insurance pay to fix a cracked windshield?

There was a crack in windshield 6 months ago. I have no ideal how it happened. Now it has gotten bigger and bigger. Would my car insurace pay to fix it now? I have AAA car insurance.

Cheap first car for son?

I only have about $2,500. Prefer something newer than '99. Has to be reliable and look decent. SUV's are a plus (cheaper on his insurance). Any ideas? thanks!""

Can I drive my sons car under my own (fully comp) insurance?

My son's car is registered to our home address, and he is currently away. His is cheaper to run so I want to use it (with his permission). He has third party only insurance but I am fully comp on my own car. My insurance states I can drive any other car with the owners permission, but does his insurance level, or the fact it is registered at my own address affect this?""

How much does car insurance cost for a 17 year old male? Just liability not collision?

I live in Baton Rouge Louisiana

Car accident with no insurance?

I was stopped at a red light behind two cars. Both cars started to go and so did I the next thing I knew I had hit the car in front of me. The car in front of me hit the car in front of him. We all pulled over my car isnt to bad but I drive a suburban, the car in front of me was a smaller car so his looked a little worse. Nobody was hurt, and all cars were drivable, so we decided to not call the police we just all exchanged information. After we had finished and they left I immediately called my insurance lady to let her know what happened. I am not super clear on this next part, we have been going back and forth with our insurance since that call and will continue to fight it. When I called the insurance lady she said I wasnt covered. She said that they had received the last payment much later than it was due (not sure how because it was mailed the same time as always) but because of that our insurance had been cancelled. A couple of weeks ago they had chased our check, she said we were reinstated as of yesterday (the day of the accident) but because it was the same day they werent liable to pay the damages. We are going to keep fighting them because I dont think its fair. Even if they decide that they wont pay we can afford to just pay for the damages to the rear end of the car in front of us, because know matter what happened I am at fault for following to close. We cant afford to pay out of our pocket also for his front end and the rear end of the first car. Shouldnt those damages be covered by the car I hit because he was obviously following to close to the car in front of him? Im a little freaked out with all this, this is the first accident I have ever been in and we have always had insurance, so we thought. The insurance company did say they mailed us a cancellation notice but if they did we have never received one.""

Teen auto insurance 600$ a month WTF??

i just got my license today i'm 18 male NY completed drivers ed, i did a couple of quotes online for a cheap old beat up car like a 95 chevy caviler and most of them gave me three thousand dollar 6 month premiums, which is 500$ to 600$ dollars a month for a a piece of junk car! what kind of bull is that?? thats like a month of rent!!!!!!!!! someone should sue those corrupt bastards!""

Estimate for Auto Insurance on a 18 year old Living in GA driving a Mitsubishi Lancer GTS 20k?

In Janurary of 08 i am going to get a New Mitsubishi Lancer GTS. I already know how much my monthlly payments are going to be the car is 20 grand. I Live in GA and was wanting to know around how much would insurance be if im 18 years old driving a new car. It would have to be full coverage and right now my family has Allstate. Can anyone give me a reasonable Estimate? Thank You.

Which stae has the cheapest car insurance.? I know Jersey has the highest.?

Getting car insurance please help ?

I live in MN And in a small town. And I dont want to ask for car insurance yet. Im just asking and estimate for me One male 18 2 tickets 99 s10 blazer 4 doors 4 wheel drive And if full coverage Would 750 for year be right ? Would that be enough

Which we will take good family health insurance?

i would like take one good family health insurance,give me details suggestion which is best""

Should I have my own insurance while using someone else's car?

The other person owns the car and has it insured in his name but is allowing me to use it until I can get another car. Should I or even can I have my own insurance policy on his car? I live in Michigan and my previous car was hit and totaled. Trying to buy/finance another car after only working full time again since Feb. is near impossible.

""Got caught speeding 36 in a 20, not listed on insurance, driving alone with a learned license?

My driving test is the day before my court hearing and I was wondering how much all this will cost and also if I'm gonna be able to take my test still

Insurance on a 95 camaro?

Im considering buying a pre-owned 1995 camaro for my first car. How do I find out how much the yearly insurance would be? Its not a convertible, and also its through allstate in new york. Would it be more than a 1998 maxima?""

Temporary vehicle registration and insurance in California for uk citizen?

Hi, Myself and a friend will be travelling to California next month to purchase a 1960s vw campervan. We will be driving it to the shipping port to export it back to the uk. I've been told we can get a temporary registration which lasts 28 days and will allow us to drive the van. I've been on the californian DMV website but cannot find any more information or the forms. no email address either! So far I just know we will need to have an insurance certificate to get the temporary registration. Couple of questions really, Do I need to purchase a van before I can get the temporary registration? Ideally I would like to go buy a van and drive it away there and then from the seller but Im thinking I'll have to put a deposit down or similar and get the info and go to the DMV before I can take it away? Second question is insurance, I guess the best idea would be to go with an American company. Will they insure a uk citizen who's just over for a few weeks with just a uk driving license? Any suggestions of companies who may do so? In the uk we have a company called swift who only deal online. This would be ideal because then I wouldn't need an address forms/certificates to be sent. Any ideas? Reason were not getin it transported is because we want to do a bit of travelling on route to a east coast port.""

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tip-cheap-car-insurance-largo-fl-katelyn-bolton/"

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aesthetic-yehet · 6 years

Text

I wish I never got an abortion..

Hey whoever reads this..

It may help you or someone else, you may even feel like this doesnt apply to you, but I just have to get it off my chest. I will go over my story and things girls in my previous situation really shouldn't do and what you should :)

My circumstances were at the time was, I was 16, had no qualifications, didnt have any type of job or type of income towards my name. I was dependant on my mother. I was also a very reckless person. Fucking whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted, doing things I shoudn't of. But on the other side of things I was very good academically and had a fairly good amount of friends.

Obviously I got pregnant...briefly after my 16th birthday..lol. I had a feeling I was pregnant 2 days before my period started, I told the guy and he was like dont say that, dont worry about it too much your period will come. Next thing you know, 2 weeks later my friend steals 3 pregnancy tests for me and they all come out positive.

So Im like fuuuuucckk on the inside, but on the outside I was extremely calm, it was a bit worrying to others. So I called my cousin after and I told her my situation. I feel like people would question why not tell my mum. Well one shes black, two shes come from an extremely strict Caribbean background, so they way she approaches situations is not really to my liking. (I would basically shit myself and I know I would get kicked out if I had any guts to tell her). My cousin and I then the two days after went to a hospital and finally confirmed I was pregnant. Funny fact: When I went to the hospital, well the clinic part of it, the "guy" was there, not like as if he knew it was just a coincidence that we ended sitting in the same waiting room.

I discussed with my cousin at first about what I was going to do. I was certain that I was going to keep the baby. I hated abortions with a passion. How hypocritical of me. I am against abortions but thats for me, that my personal opinion. It doesnt mean that I hate other people that do it, they can go ahead its none of my business. But for me it never really sat well, I didnt like the idea of it. And neither did my cousin. She said she was going to support me and help me get temporary accomadation if I was to get kicked out. I was going to research to continue onwards with further educations alongside having a child at a very young age. You know the whole dingle-bingle.

later that night, I called the "guy" and I told him straight up. And at first he was ok with it. He was like hes not going to force me to do anything and he left it at that. So I was a bit relieved that he said that instead of saying get rid of it. Considering the other reactions to similar situations, the boys I know, they'd straight up get theyre niggas and beat the girl to the pulp to kill the baby. And really and truly that "guy" was extremely capable of doing that but he chose not to.

So a few days pass and I'm really happy but worried at the same time. I had told certain friends, which led to my whole school knowing. One thing that shouldnt be done no matter hooooow big mouthed you are. Dont fucking trust anyone because...just no. So that really wasnt comfortable with me. People asking questions, it was very overwhelming. Plus at the same time dealing with my depression and anxiety, it just didnt add up well. Definitely one sitaution a pregnant women shouldnt go through.

So..later after school finished. Im at home and the guy calls pissed because everyone knew. And everyone could connect it back to him because we had a history. Like everyone had an idea that we was fucking. I feel like it was embarassing for him because he was in Year 13 and I was in Year 11. So then I was apologetic for opening my mouth to certain people that I had trusted. So he then continued onwards to saying "I think you should get the abortion." I was so gutted but I was also thinking about it. He proceeded to explain that he again wasnt forcing me but he was presenting me the situation on both sides of the spectrum. For both me and him. He explained that for me, It wouldve been hard to do my gcses because I wouldve been atleast 5 months, I would probably get kicked out, my life would come to a halt as I would need to take care of a baby, I wouldnt be able to pursue a career I wanted because of the huge responsibility. For him, the fact that he was from a muslim background wouldve make his family put him to shame once they found out and either way regardless if he didnt want to look after the baby he'd have to. I then told him that I dont need him. Considering my background of not really having a father figure I definitely felt like I could look after a baby on my own. He proceeded to say that he'd need to support me plus going to uni. But then again he said hes not going to force me. At this point if I was to put it into a percentage Abortion 5% / Keep the baby 95%

After that talk, talks with him got more frequent as he tried to persuade me to get an abortion. He told me bout single mothers at my age that are addicted to drugs and consdiering where we lived it wasnt a good area to bring up a baby. He told me about how he sees so much potential in me and that this situation would just stop it and distract me from becoming successful. And I completely understood where he was coming from. I wasnt going to be irrational and refuse to listen to his arguements. I then thought about it to myself and I just reached the decision that because he made more sense I would get the abortion. I mean how would I support myself and a child, provide food and shelter and continue in education. It all seemed impossible to me. But then there was me saying that because I put myself in that situation I must take responsibility and that god would never make me go through something I couldnt handle. So at the this moment the table have turned and I was now 100% abortion.

I told my cousin about my change in decision and she was extremely upset and told me that when I do decide to do it that she didnt want to be present. Which was completely understanding. So I told my sister and because she was in a similar situation to mine when she was 16, she was able to help me. Which is what I advise to any women that wants to get an abortion is to never go through with it alone, regardless if you think you're a heartless person, make sure someone is supporting you some how. I then told my mentor at school, and she was trying to tell me not to get it but I was certain that I was going to get. Another thing, telling a teacher figure, isnt a bad idea. It really should be a teacher or someone along those lines that you know you have a good relationship with or you know is a helpful person. I dont know how much I preached to my mentor not to tell anyone that would tell my mum. So she had to abide by that. I got through the whole process of getting an appointment to discuss what would happen. To making the appointment for the abortion. Organising who would go with me. And in the mean time I was going through complications at about 2 months. There was a chance that I was going through an abdominal pregnancy due to pains I was experiencing. Luckily that wasnt the case and I was just stressing way to much.

So before the day of the abortion, the guy and me talk and he sounded relieved that I was going to get the abortion. He said to me that he would even come with me, to the clinic so that I wouldnt go through it alone. I briefly felt happy about me decision because he was happy. (I hope you see what Im getting at).

I was out of most of my lessons, talking with my mentors, I really did take advantage of that but constantly talking to someone instead of me overthinking about it and getting even more depressed was really helpful. Dont get me wrong I had many of my close friends supporting me, regardless of my decisions.

So the day of the abortion, I go with my auntie, I get my test done for STDS. That was clear. I get a scan. This was the most offputting thing to see. I literally fucked up my brain. The lady printed out the picutre and I saw the baby. That was in my body, in a uterus. I felt some type of connection but I quickly tried to push it aside. I know now at that moment I shouldve walked out the door. But I stayed. So then my sister had to come because my aunty had to go somewhere and it finally came to the point of taking the pills.

I'm not a doctor so I dont know the names but the procedure was to insert three or four pills up the vagina and thats it. I did that procedure because I couldnt go through the vaccuming method, just no. So as soon as I left the clinic small pains were coming through. And the pain killers that I was given wasnt no paracetomol, it was codeine. So I knew that I was gonna go through a shit amount of pain. The method I went through was inducing a miscarrage. My sister put me on the train I could go back home and I sit and process what I had just done. I was around about 20 people trying not to cry but tears was just falling out my eyes. I wish I couldve gone back and not inserted those pills. Before I got to my stop I just thought to myself its done now just leave it now. So I get home now and I need to pee. And a gush a blood just came. And I was curious so I looked at the toilet and I saw the placenta. As if it was ripped out of me. So I processed it again, I was basically flushing my baby down the toilet. Like wtf right? At this point the pain was just unbearable. I couldnt even stand. I was sitting on the toilet for a good hour before I went to lay down in my bed.I didnt want to move but I had to pick up my niece. The walk to my nieces school from my house was about 5 minutes and I had to beg one of the parents at the club to drive me home and help me inside.

Quickly I took the pills and the pain calmed down. My mum thought I was going through a period. The school let me take off as much time as I wanted. Even though I was offered counselling I declined. I shouldve accepted but I felt like I needed to go through this alone. I only talked to the guy once after. I literally felt like I was in a box. I took about 3 weeks off school. Pain for me lasted about 1 week to 2 before my actual period started. So I was in and out of hospital because the pain normally supposed to last 4 days. Nothing was wrong with me so I felt like it was God punishing me with more pain. And that was it.

After that, I acted like it never happened. Tried to continue on with life but my life was just going downhill before my eyes.If youre wondering I passed my GCSES and got 6 A-C.That was literally the only positive. And to me my life is still going downhill at this moment. Briefly after healing up, I got exposed multiple times, with pictures, but I didnt pay any mind to it. I got raped, but I didnt realise I got raped till my closest friends were telling me that I had. I didnt see it as rape but considering the whole situation, it was. I felt like because I put myself in that situation It wasnt rape. I was getting therapy but I wasnt saying what I wanted to say because it was therapy with my mum. Our relationship had deteoriorated extremely. And thats not because she knew. She didnt until about 9 months later.I had met someone that made me the happiest person, despite our disputes, I was still happy. He made me feel important while I was in this downward spiral. And turns out we was both toxic. It ended terribly. I was willing to do unthinkable things just to get him back in my life and thats when I realised that I had reached my peak.

Right now even though it still seems to me that my life is going downhill, its not as steep. Im more happy, Im getting help. My mum knows more but not everything.Im happy with that. Im still bunking lessons, but its just when I feel extremely low. But it just occurred to me that right now well lets say today, if I had gone through a full term and given birth, my baby wouldve been 2 months old. And that really aches in my heart. I had recently found the picture of my scan again and it just really made me think. Why on earth did I get that abortion? And I thought hard about it. And I realised how my brain was working back then compared to now. I was trying to make the guy happy , I wasnt being selfish. In that situation , you have to be selfish, dont care bout nobody else but YOURSELF. But im my mind I wanted him to be happy about my decision, I didnt want to disappoint him, so I got the abortion. I think about it now and I wish I wouldve had my baby. If I was thinking like how I am right now, my baby wouldve been in my arms. And now I know that my mum wouldve helped me and I was wrong the whole time about my mum lashing out. I had this all bottled up inside of me and I have been getting these suicidal thoughts, but I been there and done that. Its not a route I want to revisit.

All I am stressing here. Is that regardless of your situation, You need to think real fucking hard before you decide to get an abortion. I know right now that I will regret this for the rest of my life. So I really dont want more girls to go through this. Think before you do anything.

First thing first is wrap it up for fuck sake!

If you dont wrap it up and get pregnant, THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE! THINK ABOUT YOURSELF FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!

If you dont believe in god then think to yourself. You can wake up everyday and you've experience your happiest and lowest days. You've seen single mothers or dads that look after their children and even though through the struggle they are still happy. You can handle it. Even if you dont think you can I dont know how to stress, regardless of the situation your in you can handle it. But if you think you cant then you need to have someone. Even if its someone online that you could talk to (be careful though) at least you have some sort of support. There are phone lines that allow you speak and they listen and advise you. We are in the fucking age where we can do that. We are so advantaged!

Please think before you get an abortion because the last thing you want to come to mind and eventually come out of your mouth is

"I wish I never got an abortion"

Sorry this is so long.. If anyone needs advice on literally anything, doesnt need to be about abortions, just slide im dms.. Sharing will help aswell so more people can see and advise others. A post can do so much. But I can do so little and just share my story and hope that hopefully Im helping someone who thinks that theyre by themselves.

#art #kpop #abortion #help #suicde #advice #fashion #2017 #2018 #tags #share

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

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Jordan Shakeshaft, Life by Daily Burn

There was a time a few years back when I couldnt sleep more than four hours a night. I would stay up thinking about work and relationships and looming events. And Id wake in the middle of the night to the panic of a mish-mash of incomprehensible thoughtsor worse, the jagged whisper of my dads last breath. My bed wasnt a place of restorationit was a place of unrest. For someone who loves sleep more than hugs, high fives, and new kicks, this was source of major distress.

My problem wasnt uncommon: generalized anxiety disorder. But, like the other 6.8 million Americans with the scarlet A stamped across our furrowed foreheads, it was just life. And the plight of restless nights? I was in the company of 50 to 70 million. Thankfully, my sleep habits would slowly improve over timebut I could still count on one terrible, no-good, sub-five-hour sleep at least once a week.

Then, just last month I plopped that normal New York existence into a proverbial blender and pressed puree. I was moving to the Wellness-Obsessed Capital of the World: Los Angeles. Despite the immediate assault of sunshine and the purchase of a stupidly expensive new mattress (still worth every penny), I was contending with new work hours, new fears (OMG, driving) and people who seemed so nice (but wait, whats the catch?). Within two weeks I was Googling day spas, yoga studios, and meditation centers like a woman possessed.

RELATED: 8 Signs Youre Way Too Stressed (And How to Deal)

Thats when I came across Dream Reality Cinema in Beverly Hills. Not to be confused with your average popcorn-slinging movie theater, this one plays a single film designed to induce dream meditation. Think: eyes wide open, in a floating state of consciousness. Once students master that form of zen, they can move on to lucid dreaming, or the ability to stay conscious while dreaming. (Yup, that means you can control what happens in your dreams, Inception style.) And thats not all: Some believe you can achieve a higher level of thinking, problem solve more effectively, and tap into a greater world of creativity in such a state.

I made an appointment, and promptly added: Next-level ish to my to-do list.

Lucid Dreaming: The Premise

According to the founders, Hungarian philosopher and human cybernetics researcher Sandor Lengyel and physician Emese Toth, MD, the first step to dream meditation requires a bit of guidance. Thats where their 40-minute film comes in, based on 25 years worth of studies on dreaming, relaxation and meditative techniques.

As with other forms of meditation, dream meditation taps into your present thoughts, sensations and emotions, butyou guessed itin a sleepier state (my forte). And while wide-awake meditation practitioners have to deal with physical stimuli around them, dream meditation does two things differently.

[While dreaming], the brain can freely decide what to do and where to take itself.

First, it removes those outside influences, allowing people to theoretically reach a meditative state more easily. As Lengyel puts it, Lucid dreaming is the perfect meditation, because there is no way for your conscious mind to interfere with the practice. Second, it increases the possibility for growth and change, since certain regions of the brain are more active in a dream-like state. (Namely, parts of the visual cortex, motor cortex and motion-sensory areas deep within the brain, according to some sleep experts.)

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Dr. Toth explains: When we are able to live consciously in our dreams, our colorful, real and memorable dream life can develop and become connected with our wakeful life. All this brain boosting on top of the traditional meditation benefits, like reduced anxiety, improved sleep and increased productivity, to name a few.

RELATED: True Life: 60 Minutes in a Sensory Deprivation Tank

Whats more, theres a healthy dose of Inception to lucid dreaming: The film [thats shown in the studio] provides a precisely engineered brain-regenerating program, says Dr. Toth. More specifically, it flips a switch on natural processes that have otherwise been turned off in our heads, such as the ability to think freely and creatively, she says.

This might be explained by the fact that during sleep-mode, the prefrontal area of the brain becomes less active. This is where logical reasoning resides. [While dreaming], the brain can freely decide what to do and where to take itselfIt can behave naturally and unrestricted because nothing forces it to behave otherwise, Dr. Toth says. What results: Restoration, serenity, invigorationor, well, whatever your heart (or head) desires.

Dream Reality Cinema: The Experience

On the Uber ride to Dream Reality Cinema, I scrolled through the studios testimonials. Unlike anything Ive ever experienced before so relaxing My driver pulled up to the corner and I hopped out. No fluorescent marquee, but the whitewashed boutique was undeniably 90210-chic.

Inside, I checked in with the receptionist, who escorted me to the two-person cinema room. She invited me to take a seat in a cushy, zero-gravity leather chair. (Note to self: BYO meditation date?) It reclined just past 180 degrees, my head a few inches below my feet. My guide requested that my glasses come off. Sorry, but Im blind? Thats OK, she said. The super-fancy wraparound specs came on, and she directed my finger to the adjustable focus so even near-sighted folks like me could see.

Focus, Shakeshaft, you cannot write a story about a fancy nap.

I asked if I could somehow take notes. She chuckled, assuming I was kidding, and handed me a plush blanket to tuck myself in. (She clearly did not know of my ability to text and Instagram in my sleep.) She asked if I need anything elsewater or tea? (Another note to self: BYO Swedish Fish.) I slipped my sandals off as the lights in the room faded to black.

To start the session, newbie lucid dreamers required a primer. A short, animated introduction video offered a few key tips. The first, Just let yourself react freely. Meaning: Do not force yourself to mediate, concentrate or, like this writer did, attempt to take mental notes for her article. When text appears on screen, do not zero in to read the words. Instead, maintain full-screen vision. That is, seeing everything at the same time. As you should do in life, as well, the creators explain. It was 4 p.m. and my brain-slash-life was already foggy from the day. Focus, Shakeshaft, you cannot write a story about a fancy nap.

RELATED: This Is Your Body on Sleep Deprivation

What followed was a winding path of visualizations to coax me into the elusive conscious-yet-dreaming state. At one point I was prompted to imagine I was a tiny pebble falling into a vast body of water. I played along. Falling, falling and, sure enough, the rest gets fuzzy. My expertly-crafted sensory experience (just as I suspected) had turned into a warm and glorious slumber. How long was I asleep? Would the receptionist know?

I peeled my eyelids apart and settled back into the film, as I was coached to do. Positive affirmations floated to the screen. My thoughts drifted over to my new LA life, my people, my kittens, my self-worth, my ability to conquer whatever lies ahead. Basically, my inner Jessica was telling me I can do anything good!

I was conscious, that I knew. But was I getting closer to lucid dreaming mode? I waited patiently for my higher-level abilities to kick in. Mind awake, body asleep. Mind awake, body asleep, I told myself. Just like Elliot from Mr. Robot chanted during his own reality-bending, hyper-woke episodes. But something (possibly my sudden hunger pangs or late-onset fidgeting) told me I wasnt quite there.

Moments later, the film concluded and my trusty guide tiptoed back in.

Mind awake, body asleep. Mind awake, body asleep, I told myself.

Did I like the experience? I think so.

Did I feel different now than when I walked in? Sorta.

Did I manage to find a dream-like meditative state? Definitely maybe?

Like a kid who stole the Butterfinger and knew she had to come clean, I told her I maaayy have fallen asleep. Once. OK twice. Lady, I fell asleep three times. But I swear I didnt mean to!

She reassured me that was totally normal. In fact, most people do on their first visit, she said.

Living in a Dream: The Assessment

During my hour-long session, no, I did not learn how to lucid dream. And I shouldnt have expected to. Dr. Toth explains that lucid dreaming takes many sessions of practice and self-analysis. Only with continued practice will individuals learn to remember, control and eventually unlock valuable information stored deep in the subconscious mind.

The dreaming state gives us permission to allow changes within us and we begin to behave and think differently.

Instead, the dream meditation session teaches you a fundamental skill that you can build upon: [How] to have an active and independent consciousness instead of being a passive follower of someone or something, says Dr. Toth. Those guilty of moving robotically from one day to the next? Shes talking to us.

The dreaming state gives us permission to allow changes within us and we begin to behave and think differently. Sometimes we experience a more evolved way of thinking, a type of expansion, Dr. Toth says. This is where the so-called boost in creativity, memory function, and other positive changes take place.

As for the claims that dream meditation will normalize sleep or stress disorders? For me, TBD. While I did sleep like a champ that night, the founders emphasize that any long-term improvements will require a lengthier commitment.

So is this the ultimate brain hack? Or the most fantastical placebo effect this side of the San Andreas Fault? Maybe it doesnt matter. If youre taking 60 minutes of your day to clear some headspace, that in and of itself might be the win. At least it was for me.

Dream Reality Cinema has two locations: Los Angeles, California, and Budapest, Hungary. The studio currently offers one film, Dream Meditation, but is working on a new program, Active Dreaming, which will delve more deeply into lucid dreaming. Each session is $45 and a monthly unlimited membership is $200.

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

Text

Jordan Shakeshaft, Life by Daily Burn

RELATED: 8 Signs Youre Way Too Stressed (And How to Deal)

I made an appointment, and promptly added: Next-level ish to my to-do list.

Lucid Dreaming: The Premise

[While dreaming], the brain can freely decide what to do and where to take itself.

Thank You!

You are now subscribed to the Daily Digest and Cheat Sheet. We will not share your email with anyone for any reason.

RELATED: True Life: 60 Minutes in a Sensory Deprivation Tank

Dream Reality Cinema: The Experience

Focus, Shakeshaft, you cannot write a story about a fancy nap.

RELATED: This Is Your Body on Sleep Deprivation

Moments later, the film concluded and my trusty guide tiptoed back in.

Mind awake, body asleep. Mind awake, body asleep, I told myself.

Did I like the experience? I think so.

Did I feel different now than when I walked in? Sorta.

Did I manage to find a dream-like meditative state? Definitely maybe?

Like a kid who stole the Butterfinger and knew she had to come clean, I told her I maaayy have fallen asleep. Once. OK twice. Lady, I fell asleep three times. But I swear I didnt mean to!

She reassured me that was totally normal. In fact, most people do on their first visit, she said.

Living in a Dream: The Assessment

The dreaming state gives us permission to allow changes within us and we begin to behave and think differently.

The post appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2vV4Gwy via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes

apsbicepstraining · 7 years

Text

Jordan Shakeshaft, Life by Daily Burn

RELATED: 8 Signs Youre Way Too Stressed (And How to Deal)

I made an appointment, and promptly added: Next-level ish to my to-do list.

Lucid Dreaming: The Premise

[While dreaming], the brain can freely decide what to do and where to take itself.

Thank You!

You are now subscribed to the Daily Digest and Cheat Sheet. We will not share your email with anyone for any reason.

RELATED: True Life: 60 Minutes in a Sensory Deprivation Tank

Dream Reality Cinema: The Experience

Focus, Shakeshaft, you cannot write a story about a fancy nap.

RELATED: This Is Your Body on Sleep Deprivation

Moments later, the film concluded and my trusty guide tiptoed back in.

Mind awake, body asleep. Mind awake, body asleep, I told myself.

Did I like the experience? I think so.

Did I feel different now than when I walked in? Sorta.

Did I manage to find a dream-like meditative state? Definitely maybe?

Like a kid who stole the Butterfinger and knew she had to come clean, I told her I maaayy have fallen asleep. Once. OK twice. Lady, I fell asleep three times. But I swear I didnt mean to!

She reassured me that was totally normal. In fact, most people do on their first visit, she said.

Living in a Dream: The Assessment

The dreaming state gives us permission to allow changes within us and we begin to behave and think differently.

The post appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2vV4Gwy via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes