#i love being reminded of things that have happened !

[scarlethexelove]

Hey are to taking requests I’m think about g!p Wanda where reader lost her job and feels like she’s good for nothing but Wanda reminds her that she’s good for everything and what it starts very soft ends up being in rough s*x reader ends up being pregnant

Perfect Little Housewife

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word Count: 2934

Warnings: Poor Reader gets fired, a little bit of depressed reader, crying, comfort, Smut, Wanda has a penis, soft sex, rough sex, Mommy kink, breeding, Wanda calls reader slut once, obviously unprotected sex, a bit of choking, reader gets pregnant.

A/n: I love the request but as a note Anon I would like it if you didn't use the term g!p it can be offensive to some and I try my best to be respectful. So in the future you could either say intersex or just plainly that she has a penis thanks 😊 But I hope you like it cause I did enjoy this one.

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN

A tear slips down your cheek as you set the box full of your things on the kitchen island. Fired is what just happened to you. Well they said you were being laid off but it is essentially the same thing in your mind. You're so useless that you can’t even keep your job. How are you supposed to support yourself and your wife if you lost your job? You loved your job and were good at it, so out of all the employees why did it have to be you. 

A few more tears fall as you let out a sigh. Your hands are gripping the counter on either side of the box as you look down. On top is a picture of you and your wife on your wedding day. Bright and happy smiles at the prospect of a great future but where is that future now. Tears land on the glass and roll down the front. How are you going to tell Wanda? What is she going to think of you? You're a failure. 

You don’t hear the door or the soft footsteps creeping towards you. You’re so lost in your thoughts of failure that you missed the fact that your wife is home. Wanda walks into the kitchen seeing you hunched over a box and the sounds of your sniffles causing a look of worry to cross her face. “Detka?” Wanda calls out to you. You quickly stand up straighter and wipe furiously at your eyes to clear the fallen tears. You turn around hoping that you have composed yourself enough. “Wanda.” You're a bit shocked to see her home so early. “What’s wrong moya lyubov'.” She rushes over to you having seen your red puffy eyes and the slight shake of your hands. Her hand reaches to gently cup your cheek, her thumb rubbing against the skin tenderly. “N-nothing.” You try to sound more assured of yourself but the slight stutter doesn’t fool your wife. 

Wanda pulls you into her, wrapping her arms around you tightly. You can’t help but let yourself break in her arms. A sob you didn’t know that you were holding in escapes from your lips. You grip the front of Wanda’s shirt tightly as you cry into her shoulder. You can’t help as you cry harder because of how pathetic you are right now. First you lose your job and now you're crying like a baby. But Wanda is soothing, her touch brings you comfort. Her hand gently rubbing at your back as she kisses your head, quiet shushes as she gently rocks you. You don’t know how long you cry for but they eventually calm, Wanda not stopping her menstrations to calm you. 

Once you had completely stopped crying Wanda pulled you back far enough so that she could get a good look at you. She wipes the tears with her thumbs as she cups your face in her hands. “Moya lyubov’ please tell me what’s wrong.” Her voice is soft and so reassuring, but there still is a voice in the back of your head that screams that you are a failure. You let out a shuttered sigh. “I was fired … Well laid off b-but that still means I’m nothing.” You thought you were all done crying but more tears shine in your eyes. “Oh Y/n/n you're not nothing. Detka we will be just fine.” You shake your head pulling away from her grasp. “I’m useless. I can’t even keep my job to help provide for you.. For us. What kind of wife am I? Then here I am bawling like a fucking idiot because of how useless I am.” Your sorrow turns a bit bitter, but not at her but at yourself. 

You're now muttering and pacing around at how bad of a wife you are and how pathetic you are. Wanda hates to see you so down on yourself. “Detka.” Wanda tries to get your attention but you don’t even acknowledge her. “Y/n/n.” She tries again but it's still the same. “Y/n!” She is louder and more assertive which causes you to stop in your tracks. Wanda takes this as a chance. She grabs your hips and turns you, pressing your back against the island. “Y/n, sweetheart you are not pathetic or a failure. They were stupid for letting you go.” She gives you a kind and reassuring smile. She helps calm you down with her soft voice and soft touches. 

Wanda leans in kissing your lips softly. “You are beautiful, kind, and amazing. I love you so much. You can stay home or you can come work for me if you really want to.” She pecks your lips constantly throughout her words. She knows just how to soften you up to bring you off of the ledge. “Okay.” You breathe out. Wanda kisses you again pouring all of her love for you into that single kiss. 

You two slowly make out in the kitchen. A need for comfort turning into a need for one another. Wanda easily lifts you onto the counter. You let your legs fall open and Wanda slots herself between them. She smiles into the kiss at your action before she is licking at your bottom lip asking for entrance. You gladly allow her access. A moan escapes your throat as Wanda’s tongue meets yours and she grinds her hips into yours. You can already feel her growing bulge. 

Your hands move down and start to fiddle with the button on Wanda’s pants. You struggle to focus on the kiss as you try to undo her pants. “Please.” You whimper against her lips as you fidget. She smirks, moving to push your hands away and undoing her pants swiftly. But she lets them sit around her hips revealing the top of her boxer shorts. You try to push her pants down but she stops you. Clicking her tongue. “Not yet detka. Mommy wants to see you.” You whine but nod. Wanda reaches to take off your shirt which you help by lifting your arms. 

Wanda’s lips meet yours again in another soft kiss. Her hand reached around your back and unhooked your bra. She doesn’t break the kiss as she pulls it down your shoulders and completely off. Her hands now take their place kneading at your breast. You moan in her mouth as she works you up. Gently kneading before her fingers pinch and twist at your sensitive nipples. “Ahh Mommy.” Your hips buck against hers feeling her cock straining against its fabric confines. “Please.” You whimper. 

Wanda moans as you buck into her. “Since you asked so nicely detka.” Wanda’s hands move down and hook into the hem of your pants and underwear. You lift your hips slightly allowing her to pull them both down in one fell swoop. She steps back to pull them all the way off and toss them to the side with the rest of your clothes. She can already see your wetness smearing on your thighs making her groan. You reach out for her wanting her close but she doesn’t move. Her eyes meet yours before she pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it to the side before she reaches behind her back and unclasps her bra letting it fall from her shoulders onto the floor. You so desperately want to touch her and for her to touch you that you let out a whine giving her grabby hands. Wanda clicks her tongue at you. “Patiences moya lyubov’.” She smirks at your neediness. Wanda then pushes her pants down her legs. You can now see her strained cock and the small wet spot of precum that has stained her boxers.

It takes everything in you not to just jump off the counter and rid Wanda of the rest of her clothing. But not soon after Wanda is pushing her boxers down to meet her pants around her ankles. Her cock slapped against her lower stomach. She kicks her clothes from around her ankles off and slots herself back between your waiting legs. Wanda pumps her cock a few times before swiping through your folds stopping to gently nudge at your pulsing clit. You both moan at the action. 

“Fuck malyshka you’re so wet for me.” Wanda groans as she teases your folds. “Mommy please.” You wrap your legs around her waist pulling her closer. Wanda’s desire finally wins over as she presses the tip against your entrance. She slowly pushes in. Your walls stretch to accommodate her size. Your body's desire to be stretched and filled by your wife. She keeps pushing until she is all the way in your warm walls eloping her length. Both of you moan when her hips meet yours. 

You wrap your arms around Wanda’s shoulders lacing your fingers through her hair pulling her into a kiss. As you lips meet Wanda begins to gently thrust into you. She begins to fuck you at a steady pace. Each thrust deep and precise, hitting the spongy spot deep inside of you. Whimpers and moans being swallowed by Wanda’s mouth. 

The sensual moment between the two of you as Wanda doesn’t just fuck you but makes love to you. No matter where you are in life you will always be the most important thing in Wanda’s life. She wants you to feel all of that. This isn’t about being horny it is about showing you how much she loves and cherishes you. All you can hope to do is reflect the same amount of love that she has for you back to her. 

Wanda’s hips keep their steady pace as you continue to softly make out with one another. It’s messy but filled with love. Her arms wrap tightly around you and pull you impossibly closer to her. Your mutual moans being swallowed by the other as you grind back. Your fingers gripping her hair as you break to catch your breath. She leans her forehead against yours. Her eyes looking down to where your two bodies are joined. Small pants as she thrusts perfectly angeling herself every time. “Such a good girl for Mommy. I love you so much detka.” Wanda mumbles against your lips as she gives you a kiss. “Lo-Love you too Mommy.” You mumble breathily. 

Your walls tighten around Wanda’s length as the knot in your lower abdomen tightens. Getting closer to the edge of release. Wanda right there with you, her thrust becoming a bit more sloppy. Your walls clamp around her as her length twitches inside of you. She grinds into you as she thrust in, pleasure shooting through you as you grind back. Your walls are squeezing her perfectly. Your moans are growing as you let your head fall forward onto her shoulder. She gently kisses your other shoulder as you squeeze her tightly. 

Wanda can tell you close. She wants you to finish with her, to feel you release all over her cock. She lightly nips and sucks at the skin around your neck and shoulder, sure to leave marks behind. “Cum detka. I wanna feel you fall apart.” She mumbles against your skin. Her thrust never having turned more than a steady pace continuing to drive into you. You moan as the knot snaps, letting go. Your legs tighten around her waist as your walls spasm around her length. Your cum coating her cock as she grinds into you. Her cock twitches as she releases inside of you. Your walls are being coated by her white sticky liquid. 

Feeling you cum and your walls sucking her in, greedy to milk her dry flips a switch inside of Wanda. She starts to speed up her thrust as spurts of cum coat your walls. She wants to fill you full. Feel you grip her cock like a vice. So instead of bringing you down from your high she starts to build a new one. Her hips now pistoning into you, her cock quickly disappearing in and out of your sticky hole. 

“Mommy.” You whimper confused. “Shhh detka, let Mommy use you now.” She grunts and with a particularly hard thrust you moan. That desirable flip switching inside of you at the change of your wife. You love how she can be soft one moment but rough the next. 

Wanda pulls out of you but before you can even complain about being empty she has manhandled you into a new position. She pulls you off the counter and turns you around. She presses in the middle of your back making you lean over the counter before she grabs your hips harshly and swiftly thrust her full length back inside of you. “Mommy!” You moan out loudly, her thrust at a fast and brutal pace from the start this time. She jackhammers her hips into yours, bouncing off your ass. Her fingers dig into your hips as she grunts. The force of her thrust moves your whole body. 

Your moans bounce off the walls of the kitchen as Wanda continues to thrust into you from behind. She slaps her hand down on your ass causing you to clench around her. “Oh you like that you, you little slut.” She smirks leaning over you, her breast pressed against your back. All you can do is nod your head as another slap connects with your ass cheek. Another loud moan falling from your lips. “Fuck so perfect for Mommy moya lyubov’.” She kisses your shoulder. “M-Mommy’s.” You mumble in agreeance. 

Wanda thrust in and out of you perfectly with each stroke. “Fuck. What if Mommy gets you pregnant baby hmm. You don’t need a job. Mommy will take care of you. You’ll be my perfect little housewife.” You close your eyes, nodding as you moan. “You like that detka? Mommy filling you with her babies.” Wanda grunts as she continues to thrust. Her hand that was left on your hip moving up to your throat and gently squeezing. She pulls both of your bodies up as she never falters her thrust. Her other arm wrapping around your waist keeps your body close to hers. “P-Please!” You moan, your hands gripping her arms wrapped around you digging your nails into her flesh.  

You and Wanda have leisurely talked about kids but nothing solid but her words play in your head. Now would be perfect and she is right she makes enough to support all of you. She can support not only the both of you but all the kids you could ever desire to have together. The door to a career may have closed but another door to a whole new life has opened. One that you are willing to risk it all for. 

“Mommy’s going to fill you so full of her cum. I’ll keep filling this perfect little hole until you're pregnant with my child. Fuck.” Wanda grunts, her thrust becoming sloppy as she draws nearer to her impending orgasm. Your walls are desperately sucking her in just begging to be filled even more. “Want you babies Mommy. Please fill me.” Your words are breathy as Wanda’s hand around your throat tightens.

With Wanda’s hand on your throat and her thrusts you're soon falling over the edge. Your walls clamp hard around her shaft as your head falls back. Silently screaming as you fall over the edge. Your cum once again mixes with hers as your orgasm washes over. Your body trembling in her hold. Her thrust is sloppy as she grows near. The power she has over you in this moment has thrust hard one more time before unloading inside of you. You don’t know how it is possible but she unloads more cum inside of you than the last time. The prospect of getting you pregnant and starting a family with you exciting the other woman. 

Wanda’s thrust slows down as she helps ride the both of you through your highs. If she wasn’t holding onto you so tightly you know your legs would have given out under you. She holds you tight, slowing her pace to a stop when you whimper from a bit of overstimulation. She kisses the side of your head gently as she pulls out of you. “You did so good for me moya lyubov’.” You let out a content sigh as you relax back into her arms. “Thank you Wands.” You mumble with your eyes closed. “Anything for you my love.” She kisses your shoulder gently before she picks you up bridal style. She gently carries you to your shared bedroom and places you on the bed. She quickly gets both of you cleaned up before she slides into the bed next to you. 

You snuggle into Wanda’s side as she wraps her arms around you tightly. Her one hand laying to rest on your stomach. You look up at her seeing her smiling back down at you. You giggle and blush. “Whatttt.” She just chuckles. “You’ll be pregnant. I’m sure of it. We'll have a perfect little family before you know it.” She kisses your lips gently. “How can you know that?” You ask her. “I just know it detka. You’re going to be pregnant with my babies and you get to be my perfect little housewife.” You hum at her words knowing that your wife is never wrong about these things. Snuggling close into her as you let the thoughts of your future take hold. Your eyes sliding shut with a wide smile on your face as you drift off into a peaceful sleep.

[ivyppoison]

five things you love about jason ( or you favourite parts of his body )

𐙚 warnings : alcohol consumption, smut, riding jason’s thighs xx, oral [ m. receiving ], fingering

note : I don’t know what consumed me as I wrote this, but this happened I guess. I had no shame writing it either which was strange, so I guess my need for jason tonight got to a level that should not be reached. this was written by a 16 year old, so if you don’t like this js block me, idc <3

1. HIS HANDS

Calloused palms and fingertips, with slightly red or perhaps bloodied knuckles at times, veiny skin and slender fingers littered with small scars ── Jason’s fingers could be compared to a work of art that stole your gaze any time you felt or saw them.

His hand placed on your inner thigh, rubbing the skin with the swiftness of his thumb left you desperate for a different feeling. The sight of his hand against your skin caused a small smile to appear on his lips as he noticed how this feeling made you crave his touch, a sense of hunger which had you biting onto your bottom lip as he moved his hands closer to your soaked folds.

Whenever he fingered your needy core, you were tied between allowing yourself to throw your head backwards in pleasure or watch his hand thrust back and forth, and Jason noticed your confusion.

“You want to see how good your pretty pussy just sucks my fingers in?” He asked, a tone of teasing and lust lacing his vulgar tongue, your thighs trying to close at the overstimulation as he held your legs apart with force.

Watching him clean and mess around with his weapons was yet another hobby for you, your eyes flickering over at his fingers as he played with a dagger once in a while, attempting to hide the fact that such a simple thing could make you so flustered.

2. HIS NOSE

After seeing a post about Jason having a greek nose that is slightly crooked from being broken multiple times, his nose was a feature of his that you adored undoubtedly. When you were helping him on a late, stormy night, you soothe the bruises left on his face, leaving an array of purples and greens, his face bloodied.

“Your nose is pretty,” you confessed, tilting his head with your hand as you cleaned a cut you found inept, scared of it potentially becoming infected.

“You think?” He asked with a small doting smile, and a hidden smirk, plastered across his lips.

After that, he never forgot about your specific and certain love for his nose.

Mewls and whimpers escaping your parted lips as he nipped and licked at your throbbing, soaked folds, the bridge of his nose pressed against your core as if he’d be delighted to suffocate and drown in the most intimate and erotic manner. Your eyes glossy as your fingers brushed and tugged at his hair, trying to cause more pressure against your swollen and needy cunt, your stomach fluttered at the feeling.

Or the kisses you pressed to his lips, and then the gentle curve of his nose whenever either you or he left the other, whispering love confessions and letting out small gasps as his hands gripped your waist, holding you closer to his body.

3. HIS EYES

Jason’s eyes aren’t the type that can be described by a simple colour or hue, such as baby blue or hazel. His eyes were the sort that contained different colours depending on the light around him. In the golden hours of the morning, laying beside him for an hour or so before you forced yourself out of the comfort of the satin, pearl sheets, his eyes contained a miscellany of different emerald greens, and a constellation of scattered deep browns and ocean blues. Whereas, during the day under the artificial lights of your home, his eyes were a murky green that reminded you of the mystery and secrets hidden within the city of Gotham.

In the comfort of a relationship, Jason can hold eye contact exceptionally well, and forces you to keep your own on his if you were the opposite with his hand underneath your chin, or your hair wrapped in a fist, the soft, yet assertive gaze of his own causing something within you to grow: yearning perhaps. 

4. HIS ARMS

You had a habit of trying to wrap the span of your hands around his biceps once ( even though he would have much rather had your hands wrapped around something else ), commenting on how muscular he was. Jason is a touch starved man, so holding you whenever in your bed as you attempted to fall asleep beside each other, or on the couch as you remained fixated on a film whilst Jason wrapped his arm around you was very much expected from him. Now that he knew about your ‘attachment’ to something so random, he made sure that your fantasies or thoughts could receive somewhat a visual satisfaction by walking around your home without the use of a shirt, or leaving the bathroom door open whenever he was in need of a shower.

Jason definitely has pull up bars somewhere in the house, and whenever he knew you were present somewhere, he’d complete a set, pretending as if he wasn’t attempting to make you hot and bothered for him.

Once, you asked him to restrain you in a chokehold and he glanced at you in concern. However, he held you lightly, watching you smile in pure bliss as you took a picture in front of the bathroom mirror.

5. HIS THIGHS

Upon dating Jason, his thighs were something that you loved from the very beginning.

You randomly sat on his lap even with the availability of other places. Equally, you loved placing your hands on his thighs as your lips wrapped around his hardened cock, his pre-cum and your spit falling from your mouth down to your chin.

On a particular night, you had been drinking, but not so much that you were unaware of anything and everything around you.

“Can I ride your thighs, Jay?” You asked, slightly intoxicated, sober thoughts confessed by your drunken tongue.

A few days later, he brought you your confession, watching you shy away from your own words. And soon, he had his hands on your hips as he slowly guided you, watching as your slicken panties rubbed against the fabric of his own trousers, hearing your unrestrained moans and mewls fall from your lips, the fact that the thought of his thighs giving you such a release of pleasure making you whimper.

His thighs are to die for.

[seresinhangmanjake]

His

Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x reader

Summary: You used to be a Lady, a daughter of a Great House until Feyd took you. Since then, your sole purpose has been to warm his bed, but when Rabban asks about having you for himself, Feyd makes a choice that changes your future.

Words: 2600

Notes: Possessiveness. Grumpy Feyd. I know it's similar to another one of my fics, but I realized that after the fact, so...

Feyd-Rautha Masterlist

You didn’t sleep. Not a wink. You laid in his bed all night, waiting for the man who never came, and your heart didn’t cease its ferocious beats for a second. Where is he? Why isn’t he here? Is he ok? What happened? The sun rises without answers to those questions. 

You shoot up in bed when the door eases open. Expecting to find him, you’re disappointed to see instead his harpies enter one after the other. They don’t look at you. One goes about riffling through your dresses in the closet, one heads into the bathroom and you suddenly hear a rush of water filling the tub, and the last of them goes to the vanity Feyd brought in for you, lining up makeup and hair pins that she intends to use on you. 

The air about them is poised—an echo of who they used to be before they were turned into pets—as, for the moment, their vile, more carnivorous side lies dormant. 

Feyd only allows them to near you a couple hours after they’ve been fed; the peak time between their hunger sated and their bellies rumbling. At any other time, your uniquely foreign scent wafts to their nostrils and they are incapable of holding themselves back. More than a handful of instances—when they’ve managed to manipulate the guards to open their cages with their seductive smiles—they’ve gone on the hunt for you; one time in particular, sneaking into the bedroom in the middle of the night and yanking you from Feyd’s arms with the intention of sinking their teeth into your flesh. Feyd had been so furious he’d cut a finger from each of their hands. 

Still, they don’t scare you. You see in them women not entirely unlike yourself: owned, and therefore, changed. Soft are the women who have had the luxury of marriage and child-rearing in the comforts of wealth and beautiful homes—and good for them; how lovely to be soft—but it is the women who have not a choice in their existence that develop a steel shell. And you and the harpies have steel shells. In that way, they are your kin, and you try to subtly express that when you can, even though their allegiance to Feyd can make that quite difficult.

“Where is he?” you ask. 

They ignore you, continuing with their tasks, and you huff. Yes, sometimes they refuse to speak with you, and always it seems when you need their words most. In the past, you’ve been tempted to dangle your arm in front of their sharpened fangs in the hope that the offering will encourage their cooperation, but you’ve yet to find the bravery for that. Plus, Feyd would lose his mind. Well, he would lose the rest of it. 

“You’ve spoken to me before,” you continue. “Why not now?”

One of them stops and faces you. She glances at her sister who shakes her head. 

“Tell me,” you plead. 

“We are not permitted to speak with you on the matter,” the other says to your frustration. That is not good enough. Regardless of how he sees you and how you feel, he is the one thing keeping you alive on this lifeless planet and you refuse to go about your days worrying over his safety and what his disappearance means for your fate.

You throw the sheets off your legs and stand. 

“I don’t care,” you spit as your silky nightgown falls at your ankles, but then you reconsider your tone. The harpies do not do well with aggression. Being so animalistic, their instincts are easily drawn out, and they tend to attack when attacked, which is not a fight you would win. 

You take a calming breath, placing a hand over your heart. “We are the same. He owns us, he clothes us, he feeds us,” you remind them. “On this planet, I am as much your sister as you are each other’s. We all care about him in a way and if I knew what happened to him, I would have the decency to tell you.”

The harpy who drew your bath returns to the bedroom. Having overheard your words, she crosses her arms and says, “With respect, my Lady, we are not your sisters,” she says. “We have never had him the way you have, and he does not feel for us the way he does you.” 

Your clenched jaw loosens, lips parting. If you had assumed anything about the relationship between Feyd-Rautha and his harpies, it was that they had once been where you are; that when you came along, they lost their rank and became something alike the handmaids from your home world. You’d assumed that when they warmed his bed, their handmaids were the women who entertained him before them, and so on like a disgusting, perverted pattern. But if that is not the case, then your sense of identity is even more confused. Not to mention, nary a soul has referred to you as ‘Lady’ since you were taken from your family. So why show that respect now when Feyd practically stripped you of the title months ago? 

You look to the only one of the three who seems unsure of the situation. She’s biting her lip, worrying the fabric of your unworn gown between her fingers. 

“What about you?” you ask her and her head lifts to meet your eyes. She’s the smallest of them—pixie-esque, like you read in fairytale stories as a child—and despite the core of their primal nature, the gentlest. “You want to tell me.”

The harpy by your vanity hisses, but the gentle one does not shy away at the warning. “She has been kind to us,” she tells her sister in the most self-assured tone you’ve ever heard leave her mouth. 

The sister snaps back. “He instructed us to do one thing: get her ready for the day and act like nothing is wrong. It was not to tell her what happened.”

You lightly gasp. “So something has happened,” you state, feeling your heartbeat quicken. Your chest begins to rise and fall to match the rapid rate. “Is he ok?”

There are a few seconds of silent pause before Pixie stands a little straighter, setting her shoulders in a strong line. “Our Lord na-Baron was answering for the death of his brother.”

Your head jerks back. “Rabban?” you question, your brow pinching. “Rabban is dead?”

“Yes, my Lady.”

“And Feyd is the one who killed him?” That doesn’t make any sense. While Feyd has complained enough for you to know Rabban is a bumbling idiot, he eventually found a way for his brother to serve a purpose. Why would he kill a man when he is no longer the nuisance he once was, you wonder, so you ask, “Why?”

“The Lord Rabban…made suggestions,” Pixie tells you. One of the harpies groans as the other shakes her head.

“What suggestions?”

She bites down and swallows hard, then she says, “He suggested that the na-Baron share you for his own pleasure.”

Instantly, you’re hit with a wave of nausea. Share? Share you? The concept of a foreign woman hopping between men of status is not unusual, but at this point, you assumed if Feyd were going to participate in something like that, he would have sent you off already. Not doing so didn’t even surprise you. He’s too possessive. 

“You said he was answering for Rabban’s death,” you say, but answering for that surely wouldn’t have taken so many hours, not when the Baron saw Rabban as a waste of space. “So where is he now?”

—

He doesn’t notice when you step into the training room and you’re thankful for that. You came on a mission to extract more answers out of him, but you don’t mind having a second to admire him sparing against his trainer. 

He’s sweaty. You like him sweaty—sweaty and bare-chested and perfectly, effortlessly mesmerizing as aggressive grunts leave his lips. You silently watch their violent dance, your form mouse-like by the door until his trainer looks up and halts to stare at you. Feyd whips around to follow his line of sight, then he sighs and turns back to the smaller man. He mutters something as he grabs the rag at his belt and runs it down his face. 

The trainer leaves and Feyd places his knife back on the table among many others. “I told them to keep you away today,” he says dully, monotone, not meeting your eyes as he runs his finger over the blade and fiddles with the hilt. “Incompetent brats.” 

“You didn’t come to bed.”

“I was busy,” he responds without letting a beat pass. He continues to avoid your stare and mess with the knives as if he’s never wielded them before.

You slowly step down the stairs into the pit of the room. “Busy killing your brother?” you ask. The muscles in his back twitch and flex under pale skin as he grips the hilt harder. 

“That is none of your concern.” The distance between you lessens until you’re a foot from his back, but he doesn’t turn around. 

“Even though you killed him because of me?” you ask. His neck ticks and his head tilts and shifts to adjust to the tension. When he still doesn’t respond, you try another angle. “Why are your harpies referring to me as their ‘Lady’?”

That seems to do it. Feyd faces you, crosses his arms, and leans his lower back against the table. “You think spending one night without me gives you permission to be nosy?”

You don’t give in to his method of shutting you up by aiming to make you feel silly and guilty. Instead, your eyes narrow and you mirror the crossing of arms. “Why am I a Lady again?”   

“You just are.”  

“Are you sending me home?”

His eyes flash. Blue irises darken a shade. “Don’t be stupid.”

“So I’m a Lady on Giedi Prime?” you ask, dropping your chin to emphasize how ridiculous that sounds. 

The edge of Feyd’s jaw sharpens as he clenches his back teeth. “Stop asking questions.”

“Then answer one,” you say. 

It’s a shot taken by an untrained hand, as he doesn’t enjoy demands, especially not from you, but you figure you have nothing to lose in the attempt, so you don’t cower under his menacing glare. You wait. And much to your surprise, he surrenders. 

He blinks, and when his eyes open, they have softened ever so slightly. Then he says, “You’re marrying me,” and everything from your lungs to your limbs freezes in shock. 

“W–What?” you stutter. That makes less sense than Rabban’s sudden death. 

Feyd groans and stands straight, his arms falling at his sides. “See what being nosy gets you?” he snaps. “I wasn’t going to tell you immediately, and you had to go and ruin it.”

He grabs a fresh knife and stomps his way over to a dummy, ready to attack something other than you for the insecurity that he can’t completely contain. You’ve never witnessed him insecure, but you know the feeling when you see it—the defense mechanism, the distancing himself, the grumbly attitude. 

“I’m not sure I understand,” you press as he slashes and stabs at the soulless victim. “I’m marrying you because you killed your brother for wanting to fuck me?”

With a grunt, the dummy’s head severs from its torso and flies off in your direction. It rolls and rolls and stops just before hitting your feet. The dead eyes stare up at you in silent amusement. Now you’ve done it, they mock.

“I don’t ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again, do you understand me?” Feyd growls.

Your eyes shoot to his. “The marrying you part or The your brother fucking me part?”

He tosses the knife aside. It clatters against the ground as he closes in on you. His hand wraps around your neck. “Don't test me,” he grits out through clenched teeth. “I will sew your damn lips shut if I have to.”

An empty threat if you’ve ever heard one. He would never harm you, but even if he were going to try, his fingers would need to be squeezing much tighter.

You roll your eyes. “Well then how am I going to suck your cock?”

Something about the tease stuns him. His tense features immediately settle and his whole body eases with his exhale. Glancing at your lips, he licks his own, and you think he might decide to kiss you—after all, it’s been a good twenty-four hours since the last one—but he doesn’t.

You snort. “Didn’t think that one through, did you.”

Long fingers unwrap from around your neck. “You’re not funny,” he mumbles with an odd sense of shame.

“If you don’t find me entertaining, can you maybe take the time to explain all of this better?”   

Feyd considers keeping his mouth shut. You know him well enough to know that. However, it’s ridiculous to contemplate since he’s already spilled the bigger news. Nothing could be more shocking than you, after the bed-warming position you’ve held for months, becoming his wife. 

“My uncle was going to take you away from me for killing Rabban,” he finally says. “So I told him I've had plans to marry you for the alliance and that's why I refused to share you. Rabban wouldn’t take no for an answer, so he had to die.”

Raising a brow, you say, “The Baron accepted that explanation? My House may be one of the Greats, but we do not offer much for Giedi Prime.”

Feyd shrugs. “My uncle enjoys anything that causes upset. Marrying me means we will always own something very valuable to your family.”

It would likely offend another, but you don’t mind being owned. While the Baron may believe the Harkonnens as a whole will own you, you belong to Feyd and Feyd alone. He’ll never allow anyone to hurt you and now he’ll never have to fight or argue with anyone to stake his claim, which works for you just fine, to say the very least. 

“Thank you,” you say.

“For what?”

Your head tilts as you smile. “Caring enough to protect me.”

“Don't flatter yourself,” he says. “I didn't do it for you, I did it for my own benefit.”

Your sweet smile morphs into a smirk. “The benefit being that you get to keep me all to yourself…for the rest of your life.”

With a scoff, Feyd rolls his eyes and crosses his arms again. “Whatever.”

“Feyd…” you sigh, leaning into him.

“What?” he returns in his snarky tone as if he doesn’t want you near, but he doesn’t step out of the bubble of your space.

“I'm happy.”

A pink tinge sneaks onto his pale skin, and he quickly looks away. And before he has a chance to come up with some witty remark to smack you with, you grab his face and press your lips to his. 

You hold on to him until he starts to kiss you back, and then he's reaching for you, pulling you close, wrapping his arms around you, and you know you won't be going anywhere for a good long while.

[01zfan]

suburbia | j. sc

husband!sungchan x wife!reader | 6.8k words

something i whipped up while taking a breather from my new seriez…happy fathers day sungchan. also funny little cameo in here IFYKYK.

contains: mental effects of “trying for a baby” and it failing a whole lot, sex without a condom, crying during sex

sungchan put his hand on the back of the passenger side headrest and used his hold on it to look backwards. he turned the wheel with his other hand, perfectly backing up into his spot in the driveway. 

he put his car in park and brought his hand back to its original position on the wheel. he took a quick look around his neighborhood through the windshield. he looked at every single house on the street, lined up perfectly with the same build and sighed contently. the color varied with some of the houses, some were a pale green while others were white and gray. he looked at everyones lawn, all the grass was cut to the same length and looked more of less the same. he even looked at the tall brown wooden fences separating some of the lawns with appreciation. he would’ve enjoyed the fences to be white pickets but that was neither here nor there. 

the only thing that pulled sungchan from his content state was seeing the family on the sidewalk in front of his house. he wasn’t upset by any means—seeing happy families made him smile and he never missed an opportunity to crouch down to a child and ask them their name when they came up to him. 

his head was on a swivel as he watched the family head towards the setting sun. sungchan watched the youngest peddle on the big wheel as fast as he could as the older one ran behind. he could hear the two kids screaming all the way in his car, one of them yelling about how it was their turn and the other yelling not yet. he watched the husband and wife that walked calmly behind, both of them with shades on as they engaged in conversation sungchan couldn’t hear.

when sungchan saw the baby carrier attached to the woman’s front he couldn’t stop the pang of jealousy. he knew he had no right to complain, he was extremely grateful for his life. he had a job that paid him well and treated him even better, he was a homeowner of a beautiful home in a lovely neighborhood filled with young families. he had a beautiful life he shared with his wife and was the most stable he’s been his whole life in every aspect of the word. he had no right to complain. but seeing the big family reminded him of the last thing he felt like he felt like he was missing.

sometimes he felt like there were people out to get him. like priapus himself was stopping sungchan from getting his family or that he was cursed by aphrodite. his dad never missed the opportunity to tell him candidly how hard he tried for a baby each time his mother brought up how badly she wanted a grandbaby. the conversation made both you and sungchan squirm in your seats, and sungchan had to cut them off before they could get into the specifics.

regardless, ever since sungchan heard how hard it was for them to have a baby, there was some sort of cloud hanging over the two of you. even if the both of you were still so young, the idea of having a child at this time in your lives was enticing. being young and full of energy would let you be involved in your childs’ life, and the stress of giving your parents a grandchild hung heavy. both of you tried adopting an if-it-happens-it-happens attitude about having children, but it was hard to feign indifference when you had your ovulation days marked on the calendar, or when you chose certain positions based on reddit forums and psuedoscience. you two also developed the habit of buying baby clothes solely because they were ”cute”. sungchan had a wishlist of baby equipment after doing extensive research on each brand and what they offered. but yes, if anyone asked about kids they would only get a simple shrug from the two of you and stammers talking about how you guys haven’t given it much thought.

sungchan still followed the family walking on the sidewalk, even when the setting sun blinded him. he didn’t turn until he heard knocking on his window.

he turned quickly to see your smiling face. you had just gotten home from work, your still running car parked on the curb. sungchan smiled instantly, opening his door enough to hear you speak.

“do you want to back the car into the driveway for me?” you asked.

sungchan nodded instantly, grabbing his backpack from the passenger seat and pulling his keys from the ignition. he repeated the same thing he did to his car with yours, parking the two vehicles side by side in the driveway. sungchan helped you take the groceries inside after taking a peak in the bag filled to the brim with baby clothes and toys. 

“clearance rack.” you said simply.

sungchan nodded and even picked up a skirt from the bag to comment on how frilly and pretty it was. you puffed out your chest and nodded your head, going on a tangent about how cute a baby would look in it. sungchan took special notice to how you said a baby instead of our baby as he went through the front door behind you. he also took special attention to the way you paused—only for a moment—before opening up the fridge door. he handed you the perishables and you continued talking about your day. sungchan looked at your ovulation period marked on the calendar, almost scowling the last day. all it was missing was one more x and the window would be closed for another month. 

he couldn’t stop thinking about the calendar and the finality of it all. he was being dramatic, he knew that. just like every month the one or two days would circle back around and you two of you would try again without saying you were trying. the two of you would pretend like it was perfectly normal to keep your legs elevated after sex and to keep three different pregnancy tests on tap at all times. sungchan knew nothing was definite, that you two were both equally stubborn and wouldn’t stop until one of your pregnancy tests was positive. but sungchan just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was over, that the gods or another unseen force had won. he felt like a puppy that was kicked for the nth month in a row as he quietly prepped the meat for the barbecue.

he was grateful for the silence the two of you fell into as you started prepping for the night as well. he caught you occasionally looking distracted, stealing peaks at the bag full of children’s clothes that rested on the table. 

he recalled the moment you guys had a heart to heart, how behind you felt compared to your peers and their families. he imagined the two of you were thinking about baby fever and how it felt terminal and flared up everytime you had one of these friend gatherings. the kids ran through whoever’s home was selected that month. everyone would scold their children for behaving recklessly and following sungchan and you around like little shadows. sungchan welcomed the kids and gave them piggy back rides and played along with their games while you helped burp babies. sungchan often found himself with a child glued to his arms while he sat next to the grill with his friend eunseok. he would help feed kids that insisted on sitting between the two of you, assuring his friends that it was fine. he had built a reputation as “uncle sungchan,” but it didn’t hurt any less anytime he was reminded he didn’t have a brood of his own.

“you’d make a great dad. it sucks you have terrible swimmers.” eunseok said before taking another sip of his beer. 

sungchan pointed the tongs he was using to rotate hotdogs at his friend. sungchan gave eunseok a wide-eyed look, like he was warning him not to talk to loud. eunseok looked across the yard to you enveloped bouncing shotaro’s baby on your lap. after seeing you were preoccupied, eunseok went back to the conversation he was having with sungchan.

“she’s not paying attention.” eunseok made sure to drag his words out, but he still took a step closer to sungchan to inspect the grill. “the burgers are burning by the way.” he said.

that was all it took for sungchan to angrily hand eunseok the tongs. eunseok handed sungchan the beer and got to work, flipping the meat to avoid it getting burned.

“that’s why you’re not a dad, you can’t grill meat right.” eunseok joked.

when he saw the serious expression on sungchan’s face he held up his hands in defense, already apologizing for touching on the sore subject.

“i’m sorry.” eunseok said after sungchan started kicking his feet to move dirt around. “look. do you want my advice?” eunseok asked. 

sungchan considered what advice he could get from his friend. he decided to go out on a limb, nodding his head as eunseok handed him the tongs back.

“stop trying! be prepared of course, but stopped trying so hard.” when sungchan scoffed he hit his shoulder lightly. “i’m serious. we weren’t trying for a baby then suddenly nine months later our little girl came.” eunseok said.

sungchan still can’t believe it. how can something like that happen for him without being meticulously calculated and planned? eunseok knew lightly of the routine you two had—he remembers very vividly the color draining from his friends face when he told him how often you two do it. how has your dick not fallen off yet? eunseok asked with genuine worry on his face. sungchan looked back to see you playing with eunseok’s daughter. the two of you ran around pretending you were looking for korok seeds. sungchan felt his body detach from itself longing for something like that. he forced himself to focus back to the meet on the grill that was definitely beginning to char. he tried to focus on not wanting so bad as he looked to eunseok.

“enough about me. whats the deal with you and—“

“i don’t know man, seriously.” eunseok interrupts sungchan so quickly he has to hold back a laugh. “last month she came by the house super late after one of her dates and we’ve been trying to make it work.”

sungchan raises his eyebrows at eunseok’s situation. 

“super late? after a date?” sungchan presses.

“do you want me to get into the specifics?” eunseok asks, taking another sip. “cause i will. i for sure will.” he continues.

sungchan instantly shakes his head, letting the tongs clamp loudly before eunseok can get another word out.

“i hear that enough from my father.” eunseok throws his head back to laugh, recalling all the times he has heard about the infamous advice. “i’ll seriously kill myself if i have to hear about it again.” sungchan grimaces.

after the meat is done grilling, the rest of the night continues smoothly. the children stick to you and sungchan like magnets, begging you two to make their hotdogs and feed them french fries. the kids leave reluctantly with their families at the end of the night, shotaro’s toddler even gets a little misty-eyed when she realizes it’s time to go. the two of you chat about the night as you clean up, the topic always finding its way back to the cute children and how badly they wanted to ride on sungchan’s shoulders. the two of you laugh wistfully, ignoring the pain in your chests and the baby clothes that still sit on the counter.

after watching an episode of your television show the two of you start settling down for bed. sungchan lets you go first, you’re in and out of your shower quickly to free the bathroom up.

by the time sungchan is finished with his shower you are settled into bed with in his boxers and his oversized shirt. he comes into your room without a care in the world with his towel barely hanging on his waist. seeing sungchan so close to being naked never got easier with time. without fail you still feel the juvenile giddiness at the thought of him having nothing on beneath that towel. sungchan didn’t leave much to your imagination, the towel was so low and loose on his waist you thought it would fall any second. to your disapproval, it stayed secure on his waist as he looked through the drawers of your dresser. you focused on sungchan’s back and the way his muscles moved and tightening underneath his taut skin as he shuffled through the drawers. 

you put your book down on the bedside table like it was the distraction when sungchan crouched down. you were tracing the path of the water droplets trailing down his back when he put his shirt on. he was teasing you unintentionally, he left with his white towel still around his waist when he went back into the bathroom. you heard the faucet run and sungchan came back into the room shortly after that. he had his boxers on now, with his smaller towel wrapped around his shoulders. he looked at you laying in the bed and you smiled, trying to ignore the sudden feeling you got to pounce him. 

“can i turn off the light?” sungchan asked, finger on the switch.

you nodded, almost feeling guilty at you objectifying your poor husband. he nodded back, turning off the light the same time you turned on your bedside lamp. the lamp was only bright enough to illuminate the outline of sungchan’s body as he trudged to bed. he got on with a huff, laying on top of all the covers. he relaxed for a moment and stretched his body. when he was done settling in he ran the towel through his hair one last time before tossing it on the office chair. you felt sungchan turn his attention up to you.

you sunk down from leaning against the headboard, using the heels of your feet and your hands to settle on top of the covers. almost instantly sungchan pulled at you, bringing your body closer to him. you hummed contently and cleared the small space, settling beside him. almost as soon as you felt the spark it fizzled away after hearing the notification from the flo app. you have ten hours left or you’ll never be parents! your phone seemed to taunt. both you and sungchan let out pensive sighs and looked away from eachother. 

“do you want to be on top?” you said.

you hated that you made sex sound like it was a chore, like it was a job you both had to do. you remember when sex was intimate and perfect with sungchan, void of any reason other than making the other feel good. now when you guys fucked it felt like business. no other aspect of your relationship struggled over wanting kids, but it seemed like all the yearning only manifested in the bedroom. you didn’t understand how wanting something as resplendent as a family felt so gloomy.

sungchan felt his heart drop at your words hanging in the air. he remembered eunseok’s words of advice, and they stuck with him in this moment more than ever. so sungchan got up from his spot on the bed and looked down at you. you kept eye contact, pushing sungchan’s boxers down your legs to get ready. his hands went to yours, keeping them in place.

“i’m not expecting anything.” sungchan said simply.

when your let go of the waistband he shook his head, shuffling closer to your body. he cradled your face and bent down to kiss your forehead. you still looked clueless, eyes big as saucers as you waited for sungchan to explain himself. he guided your upper body from the mattress until you were sitting in front of him. he messed with the bottom of his shirt, bringing it up slowly. sungchan felt blessed that you followed his lead and lifted up your arms so he could help you out the rest of the way. he set his balled up shirt on the sheets next to your body. he looked from your eyes to your bare chest, slowly traveling his hands from your until you arched forward towards him. with the invitation he closed his hands over your supple skin, lightly pinching your areola. you drew in a delicate breath, he hasn’t teased you in so long. sungchan watched you feeling his hunger grow exponentially after finding a new purpose for the night.

“do you want me?” sungchan said, digging his hands a little deeper into your chest.

you nodded quickly, your hands traveling to his wrist to keep his hands in place. you let your body sway back and forth from sungchan’s greedy hands, becoming malleable.

“i want you.” you said, hands leaving his wrists to push the waistband of your boxers.

sungchan detached his hands from your chest and went to your shoulders to gentle guide you down. you sighed again, feeing the cold sheets against your quickly warming skin.

sungchan kissed each of your shoulders, then the valley of your chest and a straight line down. only thin did he work at your bottoms, taking all the work away from you. he lifted each leg like you were made of glass and he pressed his wet lips to each part of your leg that was newly exposed.

you guys had been fucking with the sole purpose of procreation for so long you both had forgotten what it was like to have the tension in the room become so thick you could cut through it with a knife. you had forgotten what it was like to feel sungchan stare intensely at you as he made his way down your body. you forgot what it felt like to have his timid lips press to your inner thigh gently before sucking on your skin. 

sungchan was no better, he had foolishly forgotten what it felt like to draw a tiny gasp from your parted lips and to earn a sudden twitch from your body. he had forgotten what it felt like to grab the underside of your thighs to guide your legs over his shoulders while you preened closer to him. 

what sungchan could never forget was your taste. you still laid thick on his tongue like nectar and shined on his lips like gloss. your thighs were still as soft as he remembered, closing around his head as soon as he started to tend to you.

“sungchan.” you whined.

he looked up from your pussy to your eyes, locking onto your shoulders that sagged and your head that leaned to the side each time he sucked a little harder. he didn’t have it in him to pull away from your heat, but he showed you that he was listening by pushing a finger inside of you.

your elbows slid out from underneath you, and sungchan watched your chest raise towards the ceiling as you arched your back. he already felt you clenching around his singular finger and his tongue. only then did he pull away to watch your contracting hole so he would never forget this view again. your body was begging for more and your voice was too after feeling the loss of contact. sungchan looked up to see your beautiful face already becoming wrecked. your hair was mussed but looked like a halo on your head. the longer you two kept eye contact the more he felt the seizing around his finger. you were so blissfully unaware, the only indicator that you were still with him was the wide-eyed look you gave him from the head of the bed. sungchan used his free hand to grip your thighs a little tighter and slowly pumped another finger into your heat.

“oh my god.” you said to the ceiling. 

your leg that wasn’t being held by sungchan started going rogue. each time he placed a delicate kiss to your heat you’d try to draw it in close to your other leg to stop the stimulation. when he plunged a third finger into your heat he felt a dull prod from your heel digging into his back. even though sungchan knew you only needed a gentle command of be still from him to cease your movement he gave you grace—he knew you had probably forgotten what it all felt like too. so he only flexed his back for you and pulled you closer by his hold on your thigh to give your heel a reason to dig deeper.

sungchan only had to bring his tongue to start flicking your clit before he felt your full body start twitching. he heard you fist the sheets and slightly shake your head against the pillows. he took a quick peak up as he pressed his tongue flat against your heat. he saw your chest quiver from a shaky breath as you brought a had to rest over your heart. any efforts you made to steady your breathing sungchan accidentally thwarted. just when your hand would loosen on the sheets you’d clench around him again stimulating your entire body all over again. sungchan watched you self-titillate, until your chest was rising and lowering rapidly and your quiet sighs turned into pathetic whimpers.

“it’s been too long.” your voice cracked when you spoke, like you were getting high off your own voice. “i’m close.” you said.

even though you weren’t looking at sungchan he still nodded. from his spot he could see your blinking eyes and your lip caught between your teeth. he selfishly needed more, he needed to see all of you like it was the first time again. he detached himself from your clit and gave it a gentle lick to hear a pained moan rip from your throat. he started speeding up his fingers, pleased that you were spreading your legs apart further instead of closing them in to feel all of it.

“look at me.” his voice cracked the same as yours, and it cracked again when he saw you quickly shake your head as your hips lifted from the bed. “baby please. i need to see you.” he said it desperately around the lump in his throat as he sped up his fingers.

priapus and aphrodite be damned—when you weakly propped your body up on your elbows to look sungchcan in the eyes he felt like zeus himself. nothing could’ve stopped him when he saw your glassy eyes and your swollen bitten lips. you had turned into something otherworldly in the small amount of time you spent wallowing in pleasure. your lips that were parted in a silent whine spurred sungchan on, and he ignored the tension in his jaw to duck back down to your heat again. he felt a new wave of power come over him seeing you struggle to keep eye contact. your head lulled to the side and your eyes became half closed. sungchan pulled his hand from your thigh to reach it towards you. he settled on your stomach and you leaned to one side to give him your hand. the electricity shot up his spine feeling your clammy hand clutch his so tightly. he kept burning eye contact, pressing your joined hands deep into your stomach. 

your breathing became ragged, and your eyebrows became furrowed. sungchan felt your hips preen forward into his mouth and fingers. he heard a loud moan that bounced off the walls in your bedroom and ring in his skull like a bell. your hand gripped his so hard he thought his fingers was going to break. he felt an overwhelming force from you that overpowered his entire being and then you came down. your hips stilled, your grip loosened, and the only sound that came from you was a high-pitched prolonged whimper. your voice got so high that it fell out completely and sungchan felt your ambrosia coat his tongue and fingers. he was driven by the lewd sound of it all, now it was sungchan squeezing your hand with a force to keep you there with him. your thighs shook on his shoulders but he kept going, and your cries became a siren. sungchan didn’t stop until your hand that was being held by his pressed into his forehead.

he let himself be pushed away by your weak hand, and when he pulled his fingers from you he heard a sigh of relief. he heard your upper body fall to the bed again with a dull thud. sungchan’s breathing matched yours, quick and shallow as you both tried to calm your erratic heart rate. he saw your hand weakly rest on your stomach and clasped his hand over it, shaking you slightly. sungchan guided your shaking legs down from his shoulders to rest on the bed. you still winced from the exertion, every single part of you seemed to be sensitive. when sungchan raised himself from in between your legs he watched your body shudder. he hovered above you, looking down at your sleepy eyes and parted lips. he brought his hand to run across your forehead, wicking away some of the sweat.

“how are you feeling?” he asked gently.

sungchan continued to watch his words slowly register in your mind as you slowly nodded and swallowed your spit. he felt your hand lift from your stomach to press the pads of your fingers weakly into his stomach. 

“i’m okay.” you said.

you spoke with a sniffle at the end of your words and you had fresh tear tracks smeared across your eyelids. your cheeks were hot to the touch like they were set aflame. sungchan saw the evidence of biting across your swollen lower lip. at the thought of this being you okay sungchan felt tempted to remind himself what you looked like when you were the opposite. but there would be other chances to have you inconsolable underneath him—he already had his plans set for the night. 

he brought himself down to his elbows, hovering his body even closer to yours. sungchan watched your face scrunch up a little in pain as you drew your legs up the bed. he kissed your forehead until the creases were smooth and you lifted your head  to meet his lips. once sungchan got started with the kisses he couldn’t stop, he kept kissing every plane of your face, and he wasn’t satisfied until he could see the glow from his glossy kisses catch the light in the room. sungchan smiled down at you after the final kiss, squeezing your ear gently as you smiled back up at him. your eyelids no longer hung low, they were blown out and wide once you ran your fingertips down his stomach again. sungchan felt something catch in his throat when he saw you close and open your eyes to show him you were alert. all you had to do was cast on look at the bulge in his boxers before sungchan was pushing them down his legs. you helped, lifting your body slightly until they were out of your hands reach. 

“i missed you so much.” you murmured.

you impatiently used your foot to push sungchan’s waistband down until they reached his ankles. for a moment sungchan lowered his body completely to rest against yours as he quickly took off the garment. 

“i missed you too.” he whispered back. 

he balled it up before throwing it over the side of the bed, ignoring the large wet patch he felt against his palm. he was thinking about how he was so focused on the future he was forgetting to live in the present. sungchan felt the lump in his throat he tried so hard to ignore grow larger. it took away his ability to speak, so he settled for placing a burning kiss on your lips. he hoped the things he couldn’t say were acknowledged by your hand that threaded through his hair and rested on his shoulder. sungchan let you pull him closer, until his dick rested against the sheets and his chest pressed against yours. his hips jerked when he felt your legs wrap around his waist. sungchan was weak, he stood no chance against your hand that pressed into his back to bring him closer. his hips jerked again when he heard you whine underneath his full body weight. 

you pulled away and sungchan instinctually pouted before you pushed him into the crook of your neck. he found solace there, the feeling of his breath bouncing off your warm skin helped him try to control the stinging he felt on his waterline. your hand drew gentle shapes on his back, and sungchan felt your heart thud against his chest.

“sungchan.” you said timidly.

he tried to pull his head from the crook of your neck but a hand on the back of his head kept him there. he instead kissed the side of your face and squeezed your ear again to try and comfort you. he heard you lips part and the start of your sentence three times before you finally spoke.

“i need you so bad.” you spoke with a shudder, like the weight your words caused a spike in your temperature.

sungchan nodded against your head, letting out a sigh as he wrapped his hand around the root of his dick. he felt your hand pull away from his back to wedge between your two bodies.

“you got me.” sungchan croaked, shivering when he felt your hand settle over his.

you both started letting out gasps in anticipation. sungchan took his hand away from his dick to hold onto your side, trying to be as gentle as possible. the feeling of you guiding his dick made him dick his fingers into your side. he dared to lift his body high enough from yours to take a quick peak. the sight made him dizzy, seeing you lift your legs to give him more room. sungchan shifted his knees forward and quickly pulled you down for the best position. you whimpered at the manhandling and you handled him back by running your dick up and down your folds. his precum and your cum made a slick lewd sound as you continued your ministrations. sungchan leaned his hips forward and pressed his sweaty face into the pillow to muffle his whimpers.

“please.” you begged, still teasing you both.

sungchan wanted to tell you all he needed to know was what you wanted and he’d find a way to get it to you. but hearing your voice crack sungchan realized he wasn’t faring too well himself. he could only repeat what you said, a murmur of a please barely breaking past the fluffy pillows.

only then did you finally guide sungchan’s dick lower to prod at your entrance. he felt like he was about to explode when he finally took initiative by slowly pushing his hips forward. you both let out choked gasps, bodies quaking against eachother and sungchan settled further in. he felt your hand still at the base of his dick, like you wanted to hold him until the very last second. you finally let go after your index finger and thumb that was still wrapped around his dick pressed into your clip. your hand went back to its place on sungchan’s shoulder, squeezing hard each time your walls pulsed around his dick. 

sungchan finally composed himself enough to pull away from the crook of your neck. he still felt the lump, but his need to see as much as he could overpowered every other thought in his mind. sungchan hovered above your body after kissing your cheek, enjoying the view he got from up here. he saw your spread legs, your eyes screwed shut from the stimulation. he drew his hips back slowly until his was all the way out. when he saw his dick coated in you he pushed all the way back in, going back down to his elbows sos he could press his cheek against yours. he whined feeling your clammy skin stick together, taking it as a sign you two should never part. 

“i love you.” he said quietly, scared that if he got any louder it would come out broken again.

sungchan’s hips pressed against yours and he felt you clench around him again and you wrapped your hand over his back to pull him as if he could get any closer.

“i love you too.” you said, your sentence ending with a gasp when sungchan thrusted in a little harder.

just like that, sungchan couldn’t hold back anymore. he pulled away from the side of your face to look down at you. the only difference from before was that his view was obstructed through a bracket of tears that welled in his eyes. his sniffles where covered up by your moans that were increasing in volume the harder and more languid his thrusts got. seeing you so enveloped in pleasure made the coil in sungchan’s stomach tighten the same way his heart seized. it took his breath away, going through every emotion as he looked down at your face. you were oblivious to it all, slack jawed as you looked down to where your two bodies met. maybe you were ignoring his tears for his sake the same way you ignored his shortcomings in regards to giving you a baby. 

one of his hands went to your leg, pressing it gently to your body to hit a deeper spot. you pressed your head into the mattress with your eyes screwed shut. you drew in a deep breath and bit your lip so hard sungchan was worried you might draw blood.

“i’m close again.” you said again.

sungchan felt you clamp around him as you arched your back off the bed to touch your chest to his. sungchan could only hang his head low as he continued thrusting into you at the same pace, quickly becoming overwhelmed. 

he saw the tears land on your collarbone first. some of them glided down your skin leaving a tiny trail while some caught in the dips of your body. after a tear fell on your jawline sungchan heard your noises falter, caught between euphoria and the feeling that something was amiss.

“sungchan?” he didn’t know if he wanted to cry harder or groan at the sound of your bedroom voice being laced with worry. “what’s wrong?” you asked.

when your hand tilted his chin up to force eye contact he saw your expression soften. the pace he set was falling apart as you scanned his features trying to silently find out what was wrong. 

“i’m sorry.” sungchan said tearfully, turning his head to try and hide in your hand. 

you gently turned him to face you, giving him nowhere to hide.

“what are you sorry for?” you said, voice still whiny.

“you want a baby so bad.” sungchan felt his dick pulse in your heat as he pressed deeper. “and i can’t give that to you.” he admitted.

your legs around his waist kept sungchan buried deep inside of you. without focusing on his hips sungchan felt his head try to hang low again. instead you brought his head down to you, pressing your forehead against his. you drew in a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to not ruin the heart to heart by telling sungchan how good he felt inside of you.

“it’ll happen when it happens.” you said after a beat of silence. 

sungchan shook his head against yours, his hand digging desperately into your side.

“i need to give you what you want.” he says desperately.

you shake your head despite your walls clenching around him again. 

“i have everything i want already.” you start moving your hips again, earning a hiss from sungchan. “everything else is just a bonus.” you say.

sungchan feels another wave of fat tears break past his water line at your sincere smile. with your hands pressed to his cheeks your thumbs wipe the tears away. sungchan settles into your hands, ears drifted close as he lets out another sniffle. when he jolts he remembers the compromising positions your both in. at the same time you both realize the novelty of it all.

“i’m sorry.” sungchan says again, this time a lift to his voice.

you shake your head and swivel your hips, basking in how full you feel. you bring sungchan’s head down so his ear is right above your lips so he can hear your voice that’s barely above a whisper.

“don’t be sorry. just keep fucking me.” you lick the shell of sungchan’s ear and he lets out a breathy moan that fans your ear. “the rest will come later.” you assure. 

sungchan nods and pulls his hips back. he goes back to hovering above you, and this time you don’t pull your gaze away from his glassy red eyes and his wet eyelashes.

“you’re gonna be such a good mother.” sungchan kisses your lips and you reciprocate. “so sweet and pretty and kind.” he babbles, kissing your lips again.

sungchan frees his hand that was pressing your thigh to your chest so he can grip your hand. your leg is still in place, now just hooked over his arm. you nod through his hard thrust, trying to collect your words by squeezing his hand tightly.

“you’re gonna be a perfect dad.” you pull sungchan’s hand closer to your body so his tricep presses into your thigh harder. sungchan’s dick hits a spot deep inside that takes your breath away. “so perfect.” you gasp.

sungchan feels his air start to prickle and his skin starts to become hot. his hand grips yours so tight it causes your fingers to go straight. he begins grunting and whimpering between each hard thrust, and you start falling apart the same way. sungchan bites his lip, hoping the pain will make him regain his bearings.

“i’m close.” sungchan says, letting his head lull backwards.

“me too.” you mewl.

you start lifting your hips on your own accord and sungchan’s hold on your waist and hand becomes bruising. your lips part from the discomfort, and your throat goes dry when you realize it’s adding to the jumbled coils in your stomach.

sungchan fully rests his bodyweight on yours knowing you like the pressure. he presses his hand that holds yours into the mattress for stability as he brings his hand that was gripping your waist to rub at your clit. he’s quick with the protruding bundle of nerves, and you respond instantly. your squirming underneath him, no longer moving your hips to not interrupt sungchan’s rhythm. you start babbling incoherently against his lips in between your rushed kisses. sungchan nods through your please’s and give me a baby’s because he’s nothing if not a man that gives you anything you ask for. so he pulls in a breath the same time you do, and focuses on getting you across the finish line first. when your body seizes up again sungchan hones in his fingers rubbing quick revolutions and trades in his quick thrusts to hit deep inside of you instead. 

he follows closely behind you, and in the white euphoria of his orgasm he’s swear he can see it all. he sees the your happy family walking down the sidewalk to the sunset. you have a baby strapped to your chest and he has a toddler on his shoulders giggling uncontrollably.

sungchan drops his head to the crook of your neck and sucks harshly on your skin. you dig your fingernails into the back of his hand and his back, crying out as warmth forcibly overtakes you. you’re shaking by the time sungchan stops his hand on your clit, staying inside of you while his dick still twitches. you press your hand to sungchan’s body that rests above your stomach and he gets the hint to press his hand that was on your clit to your lower tummy. you squirm underneath his touch and he presses deeper, letting out a shaky breath as you clench around him again.

you slump finally and sungchan does too, pulling out completely to roll beside your body.

you’re both weak, covered in sweat and a newfound love you thought was previously lost. when sungchan turns on his side to face you, you do the same, thinking about the ache that’s already settling in your muscles.

his large hand rests over your cheek, moving back and forth to feel your supple skin against his palm. you turn your head to kiss his hand and sungchan’s heart lurches in his chest. when you try to move from the bed sungchan silently pulls you closer to him, drawing you close until your head rests underneath his chin. he wraps his arms around you completely and kisses the side of your face again and again, until his lips slow to a halt and your eyes drift closed.

thank you for reading :3 here is my ko-fi if you wanted to fund your local depraved riize fanfic writer👩‍💻🕺

[igotanidea]

Smooth criminal: AK!Jason x reader

part 1 : Somebody's watching me

part 2: Run baby, run

Yeah... I know it's been a while. Sorry guys. But here we are :)

***

They say that history repeats itself. That’s its merely a one big circle in which people get lost endlessly, not learning from the past mistakes, instead doing them all over again.

Like an Uroboros, forevermore biting his tail.

And that was how Y/N felt at the moment, shaking over the cup of tea Dick so generously offered her alongside with his hoodie. And even more kindly – not asking any questions of why she showed up at his apartment (or rather under it) in the middle of the night looking crazy.

She was back at the beginning. Back over Jason’s grave, sobbing and shaking while the memories of the news of him being gone forever haunted her mind.

Felt like all her efforts to forget and move on have come to nothing.

“Y/N…”

“No. No please I don’t want to talk Dick-“

“I was just gonna say you can stay here for as long as you like. I don’t know what got you so freaked out, but the Y/N I know – knew­ – was not the one to get scared over a spider or a mouse. So it must have been serious. Stay.” He grabbed and squeezed her hands reassuringly. “I’m serious.”

“No, no it’s too much to ask for—”

“Good thing you did not ask then.” Dick grinned “Cause I believe I offered It myself.”

“You really didn’t change a bit, Grayson. Same golden, sunshine boy.”

“And you’re still the same, not holding back girl. Woman. How long has it been exactly?”

“Two years.” She sighed

“Two years.” Dick sighed too, his eyes becoming a little blurry from the memories. “I missed you, you know. And not only me. So did Tim and Alfred and Damian and I’m sure even Bruce became a little more grumpy without your presence to challenge him.”

“He’s got enough criminals to keep him entertained I believe?”

“Oh, Y/N, criminals he can handle easily, they are no fun. But having a woman with a sharp mind? That’s something Bruce still needs a lot of training in.”

***

 It was shockingly easy to reconnect with Dick.

Or maybe not, given the fact he was always awfully friendly, keeping in touch even with his exes and even having considerably good relations with some villains.

Long story short, in a months’ time she was regularly back in his life and he was back in hers. And much to her surprise, this time it was not a constant reminder of the person she lost, neither filling the void, but rather a soft recollection that she was not the only one who felt the repercussions of Jason being gone.

If anything, after that time apart, it felt like Y/N and Dick’s relationship could finally move past the tragic events and bloom. Not in a romantic sense, because he had Barbara and was making plans in that area, but like a true, deep friendship, cemented with similar feelings.

And she even got the guts to meet with the rest of the batfamily, ditching those girls who left her alone at the party. Slowly, but steadily, she was getting back to her old, familiar self, dropping the act of a girl who wanted to be anything but the version she was when Jason was alive and with her.  She was not running from the past anymore, but rather embracing and accepting it. And that was the real healing.

Only that Jason was not gone.

Observing her carefully from the shadows, watching almost every step, be it himself or using his militia. With explicit orders given to not let her know they were there. He had bigger plans coming, and making the same mistake as before, by coming as close as to touch her, could never happen again. Even if somewhere deep inside, the very subdued part of him screamed for that. For the warmth he remembered and knew would come with tenderness and not pain.

She never gave him anything less but love and devotion.

If anything Jason was only cursing himself that he let her step into the Batman world again. That is was his reckless behavior that drove her back into the arms of people, who were nothing but bad news. Who would eventually end up hurting her too.

And he was going to protect his little, innocent princess from that.

So yes, he was watching.

Sending his goons when he knew she was walking back home from work late, to ensure no one would lay a finger on her.

Causing a commotion in the area that happened to be dangerous only so she would choose another way.

Sending her colleagues threat letters so they would drop the chase for the same promotion at work as her.

Beating up a guy who was trying to flirt with her when she was buying coffee-to-go at her favorite place.

Doing it all smoothly, like a professional he was.

Building up a way to execute his master plan that would keep her safe from any danger, real or hypothetical. Forever.

***

“She got home, boss. Safe and sound, not one hair out of place.” One of his militia officers reported to him

“Good.” Jason only grunted in response. One whole month and he was so close to the finale. The end was right in front of him and he had to hold himself back to not make a single rookie mistake that would derail his efforts.

“If I may, sir, why exactly are we wasting resources on some woman? She’s no one important, just a regular—”

“What did you say?”

If the sinister voice wasn’t enough to make the man stop his sentence, the iron grip on his throat did.

“I- I-“

“No one important? Huh? Was that what you said?” Jason mocked tightening fingers on the man's jugular. “Answer me!”

“I- I-“ he was struggling for air.

“Pathetic!” Jason threw him on the ground, retrieving the gun from his holster, pointing it at the man’s head.

“Please, don’t—”

“I should put a bullet in your head for talking about her like that and second one for questioning my plans.” The gun outlet was now pressing into the man’s temple. “You are doing what I tell you, you hear me? No questions. No doubts. You are here to serve me, unless-“ Jason put a little bit of pressure on the trigger.

“No! No please!”

“You’re a piece of shit.” Arkham Knight muttered, taking the gun away. “But I am feeling merciful today. We can’t have blood on the floor when Y/N arrives. Now go! Get out of my face before I change my mind! And you make sure everything is perfect because if not—” he  caressed the arms with a cruel glint in his eyes, enjoying the way his officer rushed out of the room, throwing commands left and right, halfway out the door.

“Soon, baby… Soon we’ll be back together…” Jason muttered to himself once he was finally alone.

He was so close to having everything he needed.

@vaniasagitaa @gone-batty-fics @astrelz @not-herexo @deans-spinster-witch @calicocat45 @princessbl0ss0m @rosieandthethorns @beingaturtlespiritually @grierpilots @killerwendigo @teenytinytunes

[gretavanlace]

Softer, Softest

Josh Kiszka x reader

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: sexual content, language, slight angst, penetration, cockwarming, etc

Okay, the quickest of blurbs (under 1k) because I have neglected my josh lane lovelies so, so terribly. I received a request for bad day/comfort josh but now I can’t find the ask. Did I answer it and forget? Perhaps. Who knows? Anyway, this is just a fast fix, but I promise a full length josh fic is right around the corner ❤️

Josh is lounging across the living room couch, battered paperback in hand, when you push open the front door with a clattering of keys and the thunk of your bag hitting the floor.

”Stay there.” You implore, when he moves to stand in greeting. Just the sight of his face, so beautiful and bright-white love, has tears threatening in your eyes.

He notices right away, and his own eyes turn wide with concern, “What is it, dove? What happened?”

”Nothing.” You shake your head adamantly as you kick off your heels, leaving them where they don’t belong in a way you normally never would, “Nothing I want to talk about, anyway. I just had a shitty day, and I missed you.”

”C’mere, baby…” his voice is soothing, lulling you like a melody as he pats his thigh, “Come sit.”

Hiking your pencil skirt up enough to straddle his lap, you settle in against him with a sigh of content. He is warm, and he is home.

His palm strokes up and down your back, wrinkling the silk of your shirt under its weight, “I’m sorry you had a bad day. How can I help? Are you hungry? I could make you something. Or draw a bath with those salts you like, read to you?”

You shake your head against his shoulder with a heavy sigh, “No. This. I want this.”

”Alright,” you can hear the soft smile in his tone, he is pleased to be what you want in your moment of struggle, no matter how small.

Fingers crawling upward, he squeezes at the clip tucked into your hair and releases it, then scratches lightly at your scalp to give you a shiver.

”That feels nice.” You murmur, nuzzling into his neck until he is all you can smell.

”Here,” he whispers, gently nudging your shoulders, “sit up a little.”

You do as he says and study his lovely face as he concentrates on working the buttons of your shirt before pushing it off of you. Next pop the clasps of your bra, and the bliss of being free of it sends another delicate shiver undulating up your spine.

“There we go, dove.” He pets at your hair again and then pulls you back in, blunt nails lazily tracing your back until you feel like glittering liquid in his embrace.

”Thank you, Josh.” Your lips brush against his soft skin as you speak, “I’m sorry.”

”What are you sorry for?” He asks, matching your quiet as his hands continue to coddle you.

”For being a baby.”

”You are a baby,” he reminds you, words filled right up with love. “You’re my baby.”

Suddenly, your heart feels too big for your chest. How did you ever get so lucky? Do you even deserve him? Certainly not…no one does. “I love you. I love you so much. I just want to disappear inside you and live there forever.”

He laughs at this, that tiny giggle that melts you right down to your toes every time it peeks out, “Isn’t it usually the other way around? Me disappearing inside you?”

You giggle to match him, “Classy, Joshua.”

”I am but a caveman,” his fingers swirl circles into the dimples of your lower back, “a disgusting specimen of the lesser species.”

Another laugh flits off your tongue. You know he is trying to cheer you up, and as always…it’s working. “You are no such thing. You’re so good to me.”

A comfortable silence creeps in, but your mind is working overtime. His comment, me disappearing inside you, playing on an endless loop until you can’t stand it any longer.

”Hey,” your voice is meek, timid and unsure, as you toy nervously with the mala beads looped around his neck.

”Hmm?” He pecks a tender kiss into your hair.

”Am I really your baby?” Why do you feel so shy about this? Normally you’re adventurous and even more outgoing than he is, which is really saying something. But right now you feel…inexplicably bashful.

“Of course you’re my baby,” his lips are pressing kisses against your head again as he audibly breathes in the scent of your hair.

“Can you…” you twist those cool, smooth beads around in your fist idly, “I want…”

”You want what, dove?” He soothes your nerves with that loving lilt laced through his tone, “Tell me. I’ll make it happen. I’ll give it to you.”

”I want to be closer to you,” your words breathe into his ear just before your teeth sink gently into his silken lobe.

He knows. He somehow always knows.

“Lift up, baby bird.” His voice, rasping with subdued lust and stark devotion, needles at your heart until your head swims.

You rise up on your knees and watch on as he tugs your skirt up even higher and then pulls at the waistband of his pants.

You lovingly tease him about these khakis and their elastic waist. You call them his ‘dad pants’ just to watch him become uncharacteristically crass and grab his crotch with a ‘I’ve got your daddy right here, dove’. But right now? Right now you’re more than grateful for the lack of buttons and zippers for him to contend with.

With your gaze fixed on his gorgeous cock, he sweeps your panties to the side and eases you down onto it. Hissing as the heat of your cunt envelopes him.

”Is that better, baby?” He asks shakily, once you’re seated in his lap, filled up tight and snug with him.

“Much.”

You relax fully in his arms and it tugs at his heart-strings, making him even more completely fucking gone for you. He would set this whole world on fire if you felt even a little bit chilly.

A haunting, calming song begins to hum out of him, the vibration of it purring from his chest and straight into your heart.

”You sound so pretty,” you praise, cheek pressed just beneath his throat until the weight of the world seems to lift away and disappear.

”And you feel so pretty, dove.” He’s lightly scratching your back again, coddling you into a haze. “Softer than satin absolutely everywhere. Inside and out. Soft here,” the back of his hand brushes down your arm, “softer here,” his thumb kisses your lips, “softest here.” His hips lift ever so lightly.

Without waiting for a response, he begins humming to you again…guiding you gingerly into sleep while he rests, safely nestled inside you.

Taglist: @gretasintrees @greta-van-chaos @celestialfauna @s0livagant @groggyvanfleet @kiszkathecook @brokenbellz @llightmyllovee @doodle417 @seventieswhore @jake-kiszkas-smirk @weightofdreams-gvf @imdepressedaf1996 @alisonwonderland29 @gretavanfleas @gretavangroove @sparrowofthedawn @xserenax-13 @tbagggvf @obetrolncocktails @jakeslovehandles @poofyloofy @70sgroupielovr @heatmyfleet @sammiboo162 @spicedandicedtea @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @saoirsemaeve @mywickeddivinity @lvnterninthenight @paintmyhouse @tripthelightfandomtastic @mckenna4 @sarakay-gvf @theweightofjake @thewritingbeforesunrise @joshsmama @sammysvanfeet @rhythm-of-space @highladyofasgard @calumspretty @sad1lynn @demolitionndann @gvfpal @starcatcher-jake @gretavangroupie @hugorobinson @jaketlove @josh-iamyour-mama @alwaysonthemend

[carmenized-onions]

Just Dropped. | Missing Invoice

logline; It's still fucking Friday. Half past five, maybe?

[!!!] series history, this is the eleventh; We're jumping RIGHT back in babe, feel free to re-review chapter ten to remember everything lmao.

Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin’ added to.

portion; 8.2k Thank fucking god this got split off from the last.

possible allergies; hurt,,,,, some comfort? You'll see, idk. No spoils. Terrible self-image, a lot of talk of Mikey's death and blame about it. Just a lot of mean and hurtful words to oneself and others.

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (i don't believe there's any pronouns but feminine titles are used? you'll see) Also, if I'm being honest, this chapter is not about Carmen, lmao. but when are they, really?

you ever notice that the other shoe chapter doesn't have a period? lol pranked you!! genuinely both very interested and very nervous to hear y'alls thoughts on this one,,, i hope you like it,,,, if you don't,,,, let me down so gently, sweetpea

Same team. You say to Marcus.

It’s an idiom you coined, long ago. It’s a simple phrase you and your friends started to exchange whenever heads got hot, and you had to remind each other that at the end of the day, you’re fighting for the same thing. To get through the end of the day, together. You’re on the same team.

It’s not interchangeable with ‘we good?’ It means so much more than that. Fights happen, they do. You know that better than anyone, but it’s important to remind each other what you’re fighting for. Same team, you say to Marcus, after reciting all the pastas on order.

He says it back, calming down. Talking to Richie was just as important as running expo; same team. He gets it. You exchange reassuring nods.

Two doors swing open. First, Sweeps comes in through front of house, pressing a note to your back, you hold it there. You don’t think it’s a good sign when he mumbles, slipping past your shoulder. “Need a smoke break, one sec.”

Second, Carmen swings out of his office. Phone call over, he seems deeply bothered. Is Natalie okay? Is he okay? You imagine he wouldn’t just return to his station, right in front of expo, if everything wasn’t okay. He does seem… On the verge of something, though. Despite your concerns, you continue to bark out orders. You try to run it a little more… prim, this time, with Carmen back. A couple fewer ‘love yous’ peppered in between table numbers. You don’t want to make him snap by running the place not like his Exec would.

Richie rolls back his shoulders, stretching out his neck. He tries to find sympathy and kinmanship, in Carmen, “Cousin, your ol’ boss is such an asshole, you wouldn’t believe what he—”

“Respect him, Chef.”

Huh? That gives both you and Richie pause. You stutter on the order. “Twen—Twenty-six, table twenty-six, waiting on fish, Chefs.”

“Fish.” Carmen hands the plate off to expo, immediately. Cold. He hasn’t even commented on you running expo yet. Is he mad? You’re probably doing a shit job at this. You hand the serving tray off to Fak to run. He speeds out, like a reverse lassie, sensing danger and wanting to get the fuck out immediately.

“…Respect him?” Richie repeats, dumbfounded.

“He’s a Two-Star Executive Chef.” Carmen doesn’t take his eyes off his cutting board. You’re not sure what he’s making, right now— Oh shit, you should tell him about the cherry and lamb before he wastes his time.

“Don’t matter what his title is—” “Yes. It does.”

Richie’s brows raise then furrow, as do yours, just not nearly as dramatic. Neither of you were expecting a fight over this, you’ve both been serving this man first hand. Carmen worked for this guy for like two or three years, he knows. He has nightmares about this guy. You were expecting comradery. The guy is a dick, why won’t Carmen admit that? Why’s he suddenly got stock in his captor?

“Who shit in your cereal? He’s bein’ a fuckin’ creep, Cousin.” That touches your heart, a little bit. Richie’s not directly saying it’s affecting you, but it’s nice to know that he just as equally cares about your discomfort.

Carmen’s a different story, though. Because he doesn’t question why Richie would say this. Doesn’t bother to consider the idea that he’s not fully informed, on the situation. On any situation, for that matter. He just thinks he’s being attacked, for some reason.

“N’ what the fuck are you?”

That snaps you off of your focus— Quite frankly, it snaps half of the kitchen out of their focus. Everyone’s knives pause above their cutting boards, spoons half dipped into pots, it hangs in the air, for a second.

“Pardon me?” Richie puts a hand over his chest, taking a half step back, to physically display how much offense he’s taken. Fucking hell, it’s gonna be this now. “What the fuck am I?”

“D’you want me to tell you? Cause I’ll fuckin’ tell you.”

You’ve gotta get between this, before Carmen can tell him. You slip Sweeps’ note in your pocket, long forgetting it, at this point. When you step forward, Richie puts an arm in front of you, barring you from getting in the middle of this. “Rich—”

“Please.” Richie goads, ignoring you. “En-fucking-lighten me.” You immediately brace yourself for whatever impact you and the rest of this kitchen are going to be collateral for.

“You’re a fuckin’ deadbeat, Rich.” Carmen puts his knife down, turning from his station to face Rice. Where the fuck is all this coming from? What kind of phone call was this? When you open your mouth to interrupt, Richie puts his other hand up in front of your face, shushing you. He wants to hear what Carmen has to say. You desperately do not want to hear what Carmen has to say.

“You wouldn’t have shit without me.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t have shit?”

“You wouldn’t be able to pay for your fuckin’ life—” “Oh here we go—” “Or your fuckin’ kid—” “Oh, oh you wanna talk to me about my fuckin’ kid?” “You wouldn’t have shit—” “At least I have a fuckin’ kid.” “Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, you don’t have shit, Carmen, you don’t let good shit ever fuckin’ happen to you. So fuckin’ tough, never let anyone talk to you.”

It is impossible to get a word in, inch wise. They are so in each other’s faces, Carmen’s a bit shorter than Richie, and that somehow does not make him any less intimidating. This has been brewing long before you showed up, that much is very fucking clear. What caused the snap to happen now is beyond you.

You cannot find a moment to interrupt, to attempt to mediate. No one can. The kitchen is divided, some continue cooking to avoid the situation, some have stopped to watch, wondering to themselves who’s going to intervene, and some are like you, waiting for the right moment to step in. There will never be a right moment to step in.

“Where were you, when I fuckin’ put your brother in the ground, you selfish piece of shit?”

Oh. Stray bullet, for you. You wince— Not that you weren’t already, but that was definitely a personal hit. Richie’s still harbouring resentment over that for Carmen, which means he still holds it somewhere for you, too. And at least Carmen came back after, to take care of The Beef. Where the fuck were you for the better half of a year? Vanished. You completely vanished, on him.

“You’re so fucking obsessed with my family— Such—You’re such a fucking leech.”

You catch it from Carmen, too. Does Carmen see you as a leech? A parasite, tethering to his family? To his work? Is that why he’s mad, right now? You’ve inserted yourself without asking— You’re so pushy— No, no, he likes that your pushy, you’re good. He doesn’t think that about you, he doesn’t actually think Richie is a leech either, he’s just saying shit to start shit. It’s working. He’s really stirring up shit.

“Oh, I’m fucking obsessed—” “You fucking leech—” “I’m so fucking obsessed with you.” “I should’ve cut you out!” “Yeah.” “I should’ve fuckin’ cut you out!”

“I fuckin’ love you!” Richie points in Carmen’s face, and Carmen somehow manages to not give a shit. It does nothing, for Richie to have said this, and that is shattering. Sydney reaches for your hand, you don’t look at her, you only know it’s her because of the band-aids. You take it.

“You fucking need me!”

“I fucking love you!”

“You’re fucking nothing!”

“Don’t fucking say that!” That’s when you jump in. Practically call and response, for you. Your body processes what Carmen even said before your brain does. That was the straw. Carmen picked the wrong fucking one, to say that in front of. Carmen drew the line a lot of times, Carmen drew the line when he said to respect that Asshole— Quite frankly, Carmen drew the line with the broken sauce ‘you want a star’ bullshit with Syd— But this was the back breaker, for you.

You let go of Syd’s hand, moving to be in between the men, back facing Richie, defending him, “Don’t fuckin’ say that shit to Richie— To anyone, ‘specially not Richie.”

“Oh, like he’s some fuckin’ prize?” Your eyes go wide, like dinner plates. Carmen continues, “You wanna fix him, too? Add him to the list?”

“Fix him?” Is that what he thinks of you? That you think people need ‘fixing’? “I’m not trying to fix anyone, Carmen.”

“Didn’t try to fix Mikey?”

You straighten up a bit, whole brain dialing up. “Excuse me?”

“You’re excused.”

You adore Carmen, but in this moment, you cannot help but think of all the utterly life ruining comebacks you could say to set him on his ass, right now. Bite your tongue, same team. “Oh, I’m excused?”

“You don’t fuckin’ work here.” Ouch.

“Oh, suddenly that’s a problem—”

“Think you’re the fuckin’ peoples’ princess—” Ouch.

“That is not what I’m doing—”

“No no, of course it’s not, you’re such a goddamn saviour, modern day Christ.” Ouch.

“Carmen—” Richie tries to step in front of you, you put the back of your hand on his chest, holding him back. Time for you to prove what you said, in your kitchen, just a few days ago. Time to prove to Carmen, and quite frankly, yourself, that you can take this. That you can take his teeth. Carmen gave you fair warning, that the shoe could drop, that he might do this. Your first fight. It came a lot faster than you expected, but fair warning’s a fair warning.

“Say what you wanna say, Carmen.”

“Where’s your fucking invoice?” Carmen’s never swore at you, you’re pretty sure. It feels weird, in your chest. Cornering. You frown. “You didn’t fuckin’ give it to Nat, don’t lie.”

“It’s complicated.” It’s a legitimate answer, to you. It is complicated. “We can talk about it, after—”

“I don’t need to be some fuckin’ charity tax write-off, alright?” Carmen interrupts, he doesn’t care to hear your explanation. He’s already decided your intentions, and that feels very unfair, doesn’t feel like you’re on the same team. “Just fucking charge me. You wanna work here? Fucking charge me.”

Is he trying to make your entire dynamic transactional? Why is he acting like this? What did you do wrong? Don’t tear up. You can take it. You can take the teeth, Tony, come on. “That’s not—”

“I don’t need fuckin’ fixing, alright, I’m not another fucking addict—”

You can feel bristle Richie behind you. You both handled that ‘fucking addict’ first hand, and you certainly don’t care for him to be referred to as such. You interrupt Carmen’s tirade, “Don’t say that shit—”

Carmen rolls back his head, like he’s tired of some sort of façade— Like you’re being fake. “Oh, my fucking God—”

“What! What the fuck—” “He’s fucking dead, you can say it— He was a fucking loser junkie—”

He doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t mean it. He’s just trying to start shit. Same team. He’s just hurt over something he hasn’t admitted yet. Same team.

“Carmen—” You can’t get a word out, with this guy. God, you wish this was at least behind closed doors. Wish he’d give you and Richie the grace of breaking you both down without an audience.

“And, and—” There’s a split second of manic laughter to it, he’s so incensed by the idea. “You, you fucking gave that junkie money?”

You’re quick to furrow your brows, emphatically shaking your head. Did you give him discounts on services and pay his diner tab on occasion? Sure. But that’s an entirely different thing. “I never gave Mikey a cent—”

“Oh?” Carmen shrugs, “So you don’t have a joint bank account?”

Oh.

Oh. Is that what this is fucking about? He found some paperwork or a debit card lying around and lost his shit? Carmen and Mikey are very different people, and you love that, but one of your least favourite differences is Mikey never circled the drain, when it came to what he didn’t like. Carmen’s spent forever, needling Richie, and then needling you over some fucking joint bank account? That still doesn’t feel like it, though. There’s gotta be something he’s not saying.

To be fair, you know how the man spirals, you were hoping to explain these weird leftovers from your history yourself. This is what the painting was for. You were supposed to start on the first page— God, at the very least, a softer page, one that makes it all make sense, for him.

“Carmen, I get why you may be confused, but I—”

“Don’t tell me I’m fucking confused. I’m not fucking confused— I— This is my fucking kitchen, alright?” Entirely nonsensical. Too many thoughts are stirring in his head.

It’s hard to keep your eyes from watering. Take the teeth, same team. It was easier to compartmentalize with Mikey, when he yelled at you, because his eyes were blown out, and you could tell that it wasn’t him talking to you. But this is a sober Carmen. This is what he deep down, somewhere, thinks of you, isn’t it? He doesn’t think you belong in his kitchen. Don’t belong here.

“That— That fuckin’ asshole out front, or whatever you fuckin’ call him?” He points to booth twelve, through the window. You are now reminded that there is a window, and that there are more people than just the kitchen, here, there’s patrons. If they craned their necks and listened close, the sound proofing would keep them from hearing Carmen, but you feel like they could probably hear the way your heart is struggling to keep pace.

“That’s me— That’s who the fuck I am. And I’m good like that, so—So if he’s a fuckin’ creep so am I. N’ I don’t need you comin’ in my fuckin’ kitchen, comin’ in my fuckin’ life, actin’ like you know better than me!”

“I never said I know better than you!”

“You didn’t need to!”

“I—” You swallow your spit. You have always tried to keep a level field, with Carmen. Since day one. “I never meant—”

“I don’t— I am not your fuckin’ charity case, you do not need to-to donate to me to make up for the fact that you failed Mikey!”

Yeah.

You can’t take these teeth.

Carmen Anthony Berzatto realizes a couple of things, seven things, in quick succession, after he says this.

Thing One. His middle name is Anthony. Tony. That’s kind of funny. He should tell you that, make you laugh. He never really thought about it, until now. Didn’t have one of those moments where his brain disconnects from his body as a method of escaping the poison in his mouth, so it can have plausible deniability, until right now.

Thing Two. You are not Mikey. He had gotten so caught up, over the past week, conflating the fact that you’re both so likable and so ‘The Guy’ with the idea that you’re just the same. You’re not. You don’t react to being pushed and screamed at, like Mikey did, you don’t scream back. You defend yourself, but you don’t bite back at him, the way he bit at you. You don’t fight. You don’t get mean. You are not Mikey. Carmen always took Mikey trying to help as him trying to one up him; a silent way of saying he was better. You are not Mikey. You helping around the kitchen tonight, helping him every fucking day, was never you trying to one up him— Let alone fix him.

Thing Three. Your cherry and lamb plate is nowhere to be seen. It’s only been like three, five minutes? Where’d it go? He can’t even find a plate of bones. You’re never going to speak to him again, after this, he knows that. He’s never going to hear straight from you what you thought, he needs to see if you cleaned the plate.

Thing Four. He didn’t even ask. He didn’t even mention the photos, the thing that he was actually hung up about. Carmen’s confrontational, but not in the way that matters. He yells, but it’s never the thing he actually wants to yell about. Those candles could’ve been for anything. How old was Eva, when you met Mikey? Carmen doesn’t know, he wasn’t here. Could’ve just been birthdays. There’s a million reasons to have those photos, there’s a million reasons to have a joint bank account. He should’ve asked. He should’ve listened when you were trying to explain. You were trying to explain. You had something to say. You even acknowledged how confused he must be. How confused must you be, right now? He didn’t explain why he was yelling, at all. He didn’t ask, and he didn’t listen.

Thing Five. Carmen wasn’t here. You were. You were here. He blames himself, for his brother’s suicide, and he wasn’t even here. And then there’s you. You were here, and you probably took Mikey on your shoulders the way you take everything on your shoulders. And he just said you failed. He never asked you, if you blamed yourself, but he doesn’t need to. Everyone blames themselves. God, why did he call Richie nothing? Richie was here, too. He’s not a fucking leech, he was here. And that’s a fuck of a lot more than Carmen did. It’s not just about when Richie put his brother in the ground, it was the years before, proceeding, that Carmen wasn’t here for, and both of you were. And he just fucking said that you failed. He said it was your fault.

Thing Six. Carmen glances over your trembling shoulders, out the window, to where he can just see the edge of his old Exec’s head. Who he’s just said he is. Ugh. He thinks back to when that man became Exec, and Carmen took over as head. He remembers the promise he made to himself, when he went back to his shitty New York studio apartment and cracked open an incredibly expensive bottle of champagne (gifted) to drink alone on his mattress with no bedframe. He promised himself that no matter how bad it got in the kitchen, no matter how bad it got in his head, he would never get in someone’s ear and tell them that they were no good, terrible, slow, useless, better off dead, dumb fuck. He promised himself, that he would never make someone cry in his kitchen.

Point Seven. He’s resented the fact for the past week, that he hasn’t gotten to be the first person to do a lot of things, with you. He’s resented how much he missed out on, how much he wishes it was him in the photos, in the memories. But now you get to be one of his firsts. You get to be the first person he’s ever made cry, in his kitchen. When his brain comes back to his body, and he repeats back to himself the exchange that just happened. Yeah, he’d cry, too.

You have wonderfully bright eyes. He didn’t tell you that, before. He should’ve. He gets compliments on his bright blue eyes a lot, but yours just have this glow from within, about them. A brightness that he doesn’t, a sweetness that his don’t. That’s gone now. Eyes go from wide to hurt to vacant. Gone. Devoid. Hand over your mouth to cover the wobbling of your bottom lip. You look like he did, two years ago, at the French Laundry. A shell of what he was. A shell of what you are.

Carmen was right, he is the man out front. That’s who he is. That’s what he is.

A husk, biting down on the hand that feeds; defending nothing from no threat.

Richie didn’t need to call you, to let you know that Carmen’s awful for you, that he’s an asshole to everyone around him, that he’s sharp and not worth your time. Richie didn’t need to call you, to tell you that he’s just some fucking creep Executive Chef, but this time, he doesn’t even have any stars to retain about it. Richie didn’t need to call you. Carmen told you himself who he is, just fine.

Please make eye-contact. Please look him in the eyes, you used to do it all the time. You might never look him in the eyes again, please do it one more time. He didn’t savour it, before, didn’t hold it, when he should’ve. He would’ve, if he knew it would’ve been the last time. He should’ve been savouring it every time. He should’ve kissed you, when you kissed him on the temple— He should’ve let you know. You’re so smart, when it comes to emotions and things— Everything. Intuitive. If you’d look him in the eyes, you’d be able to tell how sorry he is, how wrong he knows he is for saying everything he said. But you’re downcast, trying to zero in on something.

You swallow, blinking wildly in a failed attempt to stall tears, and nod imperceptibly, digesting his words. He wishes you wouldn’t. This is the last thing he’d want you to eat.

Sydney is already rushing to your side, her station long forgotten. “Yoyoyoyoyo—”

She’s distressed, because she cares about you, hurrying to comfort you, taking your hand, then arm, then shoulder. She’s trying to get you to look at her, you won’t. You won’t look at anyone. She’s crouching to get in your field of vision. “C’mon, c’mon—”

Richie is behind you, where he should be, already squaring himself up, making himself taller. Carmen has never wanted someone to hit him, he’s pretty sure, until right now. He just wishes it was you doing it. Fight him back, please. Break his jaw, permanently, please. Keep him from saying anything ever again. Keep him from making you make that face, ever again. He wishes it was you doing it, but he’ll take Richie as a close second.

Richie steps in front of you, grabbing him by his collar, good. “How could you fuckin’ say that shit to Chippy—”

“Please don’t call me Chip.” Is the first thing you say, voice quiet, cracking. You’re pinching the bridge of your nose, hard, thumb nail digging in. Eyes closed. You’re trying to hold it down. “Not right now.”

And like a guard dog, Richie heels. Of course, Richie would find you more important than violence. He cares. You put a hand over Syd's, on your shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m good, Syd.”

Everyone knows you’re not good. Your voice cracks painfully, again, when you say you’re good. “Just gimme a second.”

“I love you, dude.”

“I know, Syd—” “Will you let me?” “I—”

You take one deep breath, slow, rubbing your thumb over her hand. She gives you a clean dish rag. You wipe your tears and blow your nose. When you lift your head back up, to face the crowd that is the kitchen, it’s like it never happened. Well, your face still has that puffiness and redness to it, and your eyes certainly look irritated and glassy. But you’ve gathered such resolve back, immediately. Hardened up, immediately. Turned off a sect of yourself. If Carmen didn’t know you, he doesn’t think he’d be able to tell you were just crying.

“Apologize,” —He'll grovel to high hell— “To Richie.”

Carmen’s eyes flicker with confusion, just for a second, you catch it. You repeat, clearer. “Apologize to Richie. Say you didn’t fuckin’ mean that.”

Carmen doesn’t need a broken jaw, to go speechless, apparently. You don’t care to defend yourself at all, here. Never put yourself first. He frowns, you don’t take it the right way, no, why would you? You speak with an extra layer of gravity.

“Berzatto.” Hurts worse than when you say Carmen with disappointment. Deserved punishment.

“I’m sorry, Richie…Not nothing.”

“Not fuckin’ forgiven—” You put a hand up, turning your head to face the man behind you. “Rich.”

“Oh, don’t—”

“Say sorry—” “He fuckin’ started it—” “You didn’t have to entertain it.” “He was bein’ a bitch—” “Jerimovich!”It’s more fun, when you do it to Richie. More kindergarten teacher like, breaking up a fight at recess.

“I’m fuckin’ sorry, Cousin.” Richie does not mean it. It’s okay. He doesn’t have to. He was right. Didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.

You turn back to Carmen, of whom you still will not make eye contact. That’s fair. “Can Richie take five?” He doesn’t like that you feel like you have to ask him for permission, now. “He’s gotta help me carry tools, to my car.”

That’s a chance to talk to you, alone. “I can—”

“No.” You shoot Carmen down quickly. “Richie’s got it. You’ve gotta keep your kitchen in order.”

That hurts. But he said it. He said it was his kitchen, he said you didn’t work here. You’re so much more than an employee. You’re family, everyone here treats you like family. This is your kitchen, too. He doesn’t really care what anyone else thinks, right now, but it also occurring to him that he said all that in front of everyone here, everyone who adores you. None of these people have seen this side of you— You didn’t come to the funeral. This is probably why. It’s pretty clear you don’t like crying in front of people, the way you immediately go somewhere else mentally.

Richie’s already walking, you didn’t actually ask him to grab your tools from the corner of the kitchen, but he just does it. Wordless. Richie knows how to show that he loves you. Carmen could learn, from that. Carmen could learn from Sydney too, she said it, and she’s still holding your arm.

Carmen takes a step forward to you, and what you mean by it, he’s not sure, but what he does see, is you take a step back. He immediately takes two steps back.

You’re very good. Too good, too good for anyone. Not gonna change my mind ‘bout that. That’s what he said to you, when you confessed you were worried he would ‘figure out’ you weren’t good. He lied to you. The other shoe dropped and he’s the one that made it.

You sniff, you feel bad for taking a step back, but you think if Carmen touched you right now, you’d have a full-blown meltdown, and you’d like to hold some modicum of respect amongst your peers here.

Carmen hates you. You didn’t expect that. But it’s fair. You’re not certain what he saw along with the joint bank account, but if he was able to put the pieces together, it makes sense. You failed his brother, failed Mikey. God, it’s still ringing in your ears. You killed him. Everyone knows that. Everyone hates you. He said the quiet thing, that everyone here knows, out loud. You didn’t do enough. You weren’t smart enough. You failed to do the one job you’ve been trained for, save someone, set them at ease— For fuckssake, just keep your friend from dying. Is that so fucking difficult? Was that so hard? He’s right to say it. You don’t have the right to be upset right now. He doesn’t owe you anything. You owe him.

You owe him.

You look to Syd, “You have a pen?”

You can tell she doesn’t like that you’re essentially blocking off the part of your brain that feels pain. What’d she expect? You were an E.M.T. for three years, you learned how to turn off your brain. She gives you the pen from her breast pocket anyways. You dig through your pants pocket for a slip of paper, oh shit, the note from Sweeps, you completely forgot about it. It’s a folded guest check, it says ‘B12’ on the front. Booth Twelve, you infer. You unfold and read Sweeps' chicken scratch. It’s nice to focus on something that isn’t the rotting feeling inside you… No fucking way.

“Sweeps!”

“Yuh-huh?” It’s nice that Sweeps has only just came back in from his smoke break. He has no idea why everyone’s shocked and/or enraged right now, and there’s something beautiful and perfect about that. Sanct.

“Did he seem serious?” You hold the note between two fingers for him to see and know what you’re talking about.

Sweeps shrugs, slipping his Marlboro pack into his inner breast pocket. “You can fuckin’ read that guy?”

A very fair call. You sigh, then flip the note over, it’s hard to write, using your hand as a pad, but it doesn’t really matter, neatness doesn’t matter. Just write it fast so you can get the fuck out of here and cry in your car about a boy that doesn’t love you and never will.

“Freezer door hotfix, eighty. Plumbing repair, took about four hours, that’s two-fifty. House call oven, seventy. Oven hotfix just now, plus replacement part costs… One-twenty.”

You hate doing this. It sucks to be doing this. This is what the fucking painting was for. Why couldn’t he just let you do it in the order you wanted? You were supposed to start this on a better page.

“Said I’d pay you back for that pinot, which is about twenty on wholesale, so… Five hundred even.”

You click and unclick the pen, several times, shoulders tensing. “I don’t think you need fixing, and I wasn’t trying to make up for anything. I’m sorry, Carmen.”

“I’m—” It’s the first time he’s tried to speak, and you just can’t let him. You can’t listen to his voice right now, you know it’s unfair, but you can’t, so you interrupt him.

“I didn’t tell Nat you covered the invoice.”

You hand him the note, careful to hold it at the very edges, so you don’t make contact when he takes it. “I owe you two thousand.”

At the bottom of your shoddy invoice, it reads, ‘Advanced Payment, M. Berzatto. $2,500.’

You told him it was fucking complicated.

He should’ve let it lie. He should’ve bitten his fucking tongue, like you did for him constantly. You told Nat her brother covered the invoice; you just didn’t say which one. Was it intentionally sneaky? Yeah, obviously, because how were you supposed to fucking explain that? It’s fucking complicated. But no, Carmen didn’t fucking want to hear anything you tried to explain, so you’re just gonna let his stupid fucking dumbfounded face stay that way. If he just told you what he actually saw, like a fucking adult, you could’ve done so, happily. But Carmen hates you, and he’s decided what you are. He probably doesn’t want to hear much of your voice, anyways. Keep it short.

“So just… I’ll just uhm… Wire you. Or something.”

You sigh, thinking about what’s on the other side of that fucking note. “You have my number, you can give it to him, if you want.”

The Exec liked the cherry and lamb dish. Of course he would, it was perfect. It also seems like he enjoys that you’re both smart and clearly ‘spunky’, or some shit. He wants the ‘wine girl’s’ number. Didn’t even bother to remember you said Jack. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll send the mystical wine girl his close friend Michelin Guide Inspector’s number, and maybe they’ll review the place. Maybe. Doesn’t matter to you. Not your kitchen.

A chance at a chance at a chance or your well-being? That’s Carmen’s choice now.

You snap your finger, pointing to the note, remembering. You never brought The Guy a wine, “Pinot Noir. Marcassin 2013. Top left shelf. Pit a cherry and put it on the rim.” It's the perfect pairing, for his dish.

At least get him a star, if he has to hate you.

When you start to move, Syd’s still holding onto you. You don’t pull her off, but you do put your hand over hers, and she knows what you want. She doesn’t care. She repeats. “Will you let me?”

Goddammit. Does she want you crying all over again? You’re trying very hard to not look like a wuss, right now. “I will. Just need five minutes alone, okay? I’ll wait outside.”

She doesn’t want to, but you’re not giving her many other options here, so Syd nods and lets you go. “Five minutes.”

“Five minutes.” You clap your hands together, eyes glazing over the rest of the staff. Rest of your family. You’re trying not to read their expressions because if you do you very well might scream, cry, and throw up all at the same time. “Everyone! Back to work! It’s half past five you’ve still got a whole night ahead, look alive, Chefs.”

You pass Carmen, careful not to bump shoulders. Just get out of here unscathed. Hopefully he’s not too mad about the dish swap. You made the right call. It won’t matter if he’s mad, anyways, actually, he already hates you.

At least be something of value, for him, if he has to hate you.

Richie’s out there, leaning against the trunk of your shitty 2004 Dodge Intrepid. How he knew it was yours, you’re not sure. Probably the goofy bumper stickers. It’s a piece of shit. Broken fob. You have to use your key to unlock the trunk. It still works. You speak at once.

“What the fuck was that?”

You both laugh, though it’s hollow. You unlock the trunk, Richie throws your tools in. He’s first to add. “You didn’t actually want me to fuckin’ apologize, did you?”

You shrug, head tilting back and forth, he kisses his teeth, you supplement. “Listen, the ‘you don’t have a kid’— Touch crazy.”

“He fuckin’ started it!” “I know he fuckin’ did, I’m not defendin’ him!”

You purse your lips. There was the other thing Richie said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t at the funeral, Cousin.”

“Ah, oh…” Richie attempts to wave it off, shrugging, as if it wasn’t a huge fucking deal to him just two minutes ago. “It’s good—”

“It’s not.” You interject. Richie always says he’s fucking good, when he’s not. He’s not good about Tif, he’s not good about the Exec making fun of him, he’s not good about you abandoning him, for a year. “It’s not good, Richie, and I’m sorry.”

You swallow, closing your trunk. You attempt to remember bits and pieces of your prepared speech, from dinner. But this is reality, and typically once transferred from your mind, it makes the words so much clunkier, lines forgotten, here and there.

“I should’ve been here, after. It was fucked up, that I just left. Made you hold it down, by yourself, and— And I can’t fucking imagine, Richie, how hard that must’ve been.”

Standing in The Bear is a touch easier, because it’s so different now. But Richie was there, days after Mikey died, in The Beef. Taking smoke breaks with a shadow that was no longer next to him. Forced to keep morale up, all by himself. You can imagine how hard it must’ve been, and that’s exactly why you stopped coming around.

Richie can only bring himself to nod, swiping his nose, because it’s starting to run.

“I— I didn’t cut you out. I want you to know that.” Carmen was so cruel, with that shit. “That wasn’t me cutting you out. I— I was tryna cut myself out.”

He halfheartedly laughs, confused. “Fucks that mean, Cousin?”

“I—” How can you word this in a way that isn’t just as cruel? “I didn’t think we were friends.”

He mimics being shot. You add, “Fuckin’ listen—” “Fuckin’ drive-by—”

“I just didn’t think— I don’t think anyone’s my friend, I don’t think.”

“What’s that even begin to mean?”

“I… I feel like… I’m just like… So insecure, about my place in relationships, that like— Like I’m not worth people’s time. Like we were only friends because we were friends with Mikey and we were handling him and I was like— Like I was helpful. So, like, when he died, it was like… We— There was no reason, for you to be friends with me, anymore. No us.”

Richie takes a moment, to digest it. The silence is terrible for you though, so you continue. “I’m startin’ to realize, that not likin’ myself, can actually really end up hurtin’ the people I love—”

“I’d still love you, even if you weren’t helpful. By the by.”

Richie’s interruption hits you in the chest like a fucking freight train. “Oh Jesus Christ, Richie—”

“What? What the fuck—”

“That was just fuckin’ crazy.” You cover your eyes, tears already coming to a head. He’s relieved, you mean crazy like good.

“Fuck, Richie, I love you.” You sniff, trying to look at him through watery eyes, it’s near impossible to do without warbling. “Man… You were here.”

Now it’s Richie’s turn to have his tear-jerking trigger phase said. “Oh, don’t start, Chip—”

“You were fucking here, Richie, Carmen doesn’t fuckin’ get that— No one gets that.” You’re kind of blubbering, honestly, starting to point at him, speaking emphatically. It might be better that this is happening in the parking lot rather than in the middle of the restaurant.

“You’re fucking— You’re fucking something, okay? Carmen is a bitch, you were right— You’re good, Richie. You’re fucking good and—and— You were here, and you’re important, and— And— I didn’t fuckin’ say that enough, back then. So, I’m fuckin’ doin’ it now. I love you, and I’m here, and if fuckin’— If Eva ever needs anything, I’m there, if you’re ever in need, I’m there. If you just want to fuckin— Fuckin’ text someone, and actually just hang out like Normals—I’m there for that, too. I’d even go to fucking Tif’s wedding with you, if that helped.”

Richie’s got a couple tears going, which is good for you, because it makes your sobbing less embarrassing. “Fuck, Cousin…” He looks down, rubbing the bridge of his nose, like a self-soothing technique. When he looks back up to face you, he blurts it out.

“You wanna see a Taylor Swift concert wit’ me?”

Your response is immediate and baffled, “What?”

“I’ve got three tickets for me n’ Eva but Tif won’t come, it’s in January.”

You take a moment to buffer, brain half moving out of the tender moment. Shaking your head in disbelief, still fully crying.

“Richie… That sounds, like the worst experience I could ever imagine. You couldn’t pay me to write an outing so perfectly curated to be the worst, for me.”

“Don’t fuckin’ hate on T Swift—” “Richie, I’d love to.”

The death grip grab and hug is so immediate. You feel bad for getting tears and probably snot on his coat, but he said himself it’s a knock off, so he’ll live.

“You didn’t fail Mikey, Chip.” He kisses the crown of your head. Richie must be a good dad. You’d tell him that, but he might overload, the man doesn’t get acknowledged much, you’ve got to take it slow with the praise. You don’t reply to his sentiment, so he repeats it.

“Y’did everythin’ you humanly could.”

“I could’ve done a couple things different.”

“So could I. It my fault, too, then?”

You both know very well, that you blame yourselves. And as much as both of you would like it to, this one cry-fest isn’t going to magically make all of those bleeding guilts go away. Especially not after Carmen tore those stitches right back open.

“Well, no—” “‘Xactly.”

But you accept it, for the moment. “…Okay.” For this moment, you get the lesson.

And you’ll both forget it tomorrow, when you have that split second in the A.M. Where Mikey is still alive, before you remember. But right now, it’s neither of your faults that the glue between you died and left you both to figure out how to still stick together. You stay in that hug for quite a while, crying and rocking back and forth, before Richie lets go saying, “Aright, I do actually need a fuckin’ cig.”

“You’re going to give me second hand smoke and kill me.”

He smirks, already fishing out a loosie from his pocket. “We can only hope.”

Despite your complaints and not being a smoker, you still pull out a lighter for him. Mom friend. Never know when you’re going to need a fire. You cup the flame for him. This is the worst Friday of your life, you’re pretty sure. But here is Richie, sticking beside you. And here you are, sticking beside him.

Syd steps out, she keeps crossing between a walk and a jog to you two, unsure of what looks more awkward. You don’t know, but you do know the option of switching between both is easily the most awkward.

She asks, walk-jogging up to you, “Are you good?”

“I’ve been better.”

She grabs your face in her hands, reviewing your puffy bleary-eyed face. Just looking at it makes her want to cry, too. You hold her wrists. “M’sorry for cryin’ in your kitchen. I know that’s the type shit you deal with all the time—”

Richie and Syd speak in unison, a rarity, for them to be on the same page. “No the fuck it’s not.”

Sydney continues, “That was extremely not normal. Crazy fucked up of him to say that shit— I don’t even know like— Like any of the backstory, but even I know that was fucked up to say.”

You sniff, nodding slightly. “Yeah, a little.”

“A lot.”

You nod, no longer fighting to downplay it. That was fucked up of Carmen, you don’t need to try to make it seem less bad. “Yeah, a lot.”

She nods back, still holding your face. Bandaged fingers pressed against your head. “What d’you wanna do?”

“Go home?” Cry? Eat freezer cake?

“Well, yeah.” She chuckles, so you do too. “I mean like, like—” She nods behind her, to The Bear. What do you want to do going forward? Never talk to him again? I’ll do it, too. She’s saying, wordlessly.

“I— I don’t fuckin’ know.” You admit, laughing, but hollow. The very idea of reconciliation feels impossible, at the moment. “I think I’m just gonna, fuckin’ ignore it, until it comes up. Just don’t break shit until I figure it out, I guess.”

“Wedding gig is gonna be so awkward.”

“Oh, fuck—” Entirely forgot, about the wedding gig, next weekend. Vinnie and Mira, destination wedding. New York.

Richie pipes in, “Tonight’s gonna be awkward enough, don’t even wanna go the fuck back in.”

Syd nods, letting go of your face. “I think like, half the kitchen wants to walk right now, just to fuck with him. I do, too. Should we just say fuck this and go to Mattina?”

“Don’t think they’re open, only do breakfast and lunch.” Richie knows their hours; it wasn’t always just Mikey and you there. He takes a drag, he blows it away from you, so you don’t get second hand smoke.

“Fuck... Could do Denny’s? Inky, you fuck with Denny’s, still?”

‘Think once you realize, you’ll leave, and it’ll all leave with you.’ That’s what Carmen was scared of, exactly. What he thought would happen, if the other shoe dropped. Is this you leaving? This might be you leaving. This should be more dramatic, if this is you leaving, shouldn’t it? There should be finale music ringing in your ears, somehow. But instead, you’re in a parking lot with a chain smoker and your girl, making shitty diner plans.

You can’t let them leave Carmen. So much work cannot be wasted just for your hurt heart. You shake your head— Then nod, confusing yourself. “I—I do still fuck with Denny’s, but y’all have to go back in, you can’t fuck him over.”

“I very specifically want to fuck him over.” Syd’s quick to reply, Richie nods, agreeing. These two are only bonding over a mutual love of you and a current mutual hate of Carmen.

“You gotta get your star, Squid.”

She swallows, at that. She loves you, she does. But you’re right. You always are. This is her entirely livelihood and career, she can’t just dip out, because of a fight. She’s done it before, during the worst rush of her life, but that was small potatoes compared to this.

“Go hold it down,” You look at both of them, nodding to The Bear. “Don’t let anyone walk, solidarity is cute, but I’ll be okay.”

Regardless of how right you are, both Richie and Syd boo you. “Let him drown!”

It’s hard not to laugh. “Fuckin’ —guys— I’m serious.”

“I’m fuckin’ serious too, Chip!” Richie jabs at your shoulder, lightly, “Thought you said you take me fuckin’ serious?”

“Bitch—” You click your tongue, pointing at him, sighing. You can’t help but smile. They’re both on your team, to the bitter end. “I will see you at the wedding, aright? I’ll text you, both of you.”

“You driving, too?”

You and Syd both back up, for a second, expressions baffled. You’re first to ask Richie, “You’re driving?”

He’s equally confused. “What, you’re fuckin’ flying?”

“Cicero’s paying, why wouldn’t we?”

“Uncle Jimmy is fuckin’ paying?!” Richie gives him an emotionally charged chocolate covered banana and still hasn’t gotten on Uncle’s good side? This is bullshit.

“He’s paying for everyone! Or at least I thought he was—” Syd replies for you. “That was like the whole fuckin’ deal— Did you not get emailed a boarding pass?”

“No! He told me to get gas— You’re fuckin’ flying—?”

You clap your hands together, “Richie, what the fuck is going on in your life that this is not the first thing that you clarified for plans?” You tap Syd on the shoulder, “Marcus said he’s cool with switching seats, by the way, so we can sit together.”

“I have a fuckin kid, aright—”

“Ooohh—” You and Syd mock him in unison. “We get it.” “Whoop-di-doo.” “Did you hear, Squid?” “What’s that, Inky?” “Richie has a kid!” “What? No way. He definitely doesn’t bring it up all the fuckin’ time.”

“Alright, fuck you two.” He waves you both off. “Plane's gonna crash.”

Syd shrugs, “You’re doing a twelve-hour road trip, you’re gonna crash—”

“Fucks Inky mean anyways? Stupid ass nickname—” “Oh, like Chip is so original—” “Actually, a dead guy coined it, so betchu feel real dumb now—” “I’m not capable of feeling dumb—”

You interrupt, “Girls, girls, you’re both beautiful.”

That quells them with snorts of laughter, quickly. They both shove at you. Equilibrium.

You explain to Rich, “I called Syd ‘Squid’ in high-school— Literally just ‘cause it sounds funny, and uh, she felt jealous that she didn’t have one for me—”

“I don’t know if jealous is the word—” “So Inky just became the call n’ response. Cause, cause squid ink?”

“Yeah, I’m not fuckin’ stupid. I can do two plus two, Chip.” Richie tucks his hands in his pockets. It’s starting to get a little chilly. You’re now remembering you left Carmen’s jacket at expo. Goddammit, now you’re remembering Carmen and your heart hurts again. You hug your shoulders.

“What’s Chip, anyways?” Syd asks, you and Richie both cringe, just slightly. Syd mimics it. “Bad?”

You shrug, “Just… It takes a lot, to explain, I guess.” Personal. “We’ll need a trip to Denny’s, for that one.”

“So? Let’s go.”

What did you just say. “Bitch—”

“Heard.” Syd cuts you off, laughing. She gives you a tight hug. “Text me when you get home.”

You hug her back, even tighter, if possible. “I will.”

“I’m glad you’re back.” It’s been three years, since you were really daily friends with Syd. And though you clicked right back into place no problem, in this hug, the feeling really starts to set in of how much you two needed each other this whole time. It’s been so long since you both had a best friend. It was good to be apart, and learn things apart, but now you’re both back. It’s not just Richie that you returned to.

“I’m glad I’m back, too.” You clap her back a few times, before letting go. “Alright, it’s been like ten fucking minutes, go be great. Get a star. Or a chance at a chance for a star.”

“Heard, Chip.” “Heard, Ink.”

One last hug from Richie, before they head back in, and you pop in your car, and drive off. Back home. Music blasts from your radio the entire ride, to keep you from thinking. Screaming along to diss tracks help soothe the soul in any scenario, you think. Won’t let anything hit, this way.

A stray cat, the stray cat, the one you feed on your fire escape, is surprise surprise, on your fire escape, when you get home. She’s (you think she’s a she, you’re not super sure how to check, you’re a former E.M.T, not a Vet tech.) biting the flowers you potted out there. The flowers Carmen stole for you.

After a quick google check to make sure none of them are poisonous to cats, you let her. Let the cat decide how much of him stays. You dish out a pile of kibble for her on the one black plate Carmen gave you. You leave it on the fire escape, long after she finishes. Let the elements decide if it gets ruined.

Let Carmen breaking your text streak, never sending you a belated Connections result tonight, decide if this is the end.

This could be the end.

The same picture frame that fell off your wall, just two weeks ago, when you were making the painting for Carmen, falls again. You grumble, picking up the picture frame, setting it on the coffee table. You’ll nail it up properly in the morning. You roll your eyes at the phantom that you’re never certain actually haunts you.  “Mikey, shut the fuck up, this is your fault, y’know…”

You sigh, staring nowhere. The wind blows against your window.  “I guess it's both our faults.”

You drag your feet, walking to your bedroom.

“I know you said I’d be a perfect match for your little brother, but at this point, I’m taking that as a read.”

It was so fun for me, the way y'all were like, ah, i'm sure this'll be so painful when this is resolved next chapter because Carmen will scream at her about it. hahahahahhaha-- You think the least yet most direct bitch of all time was going to actually confront what he was upset about? NO1!!!!!!! WE'VE ONLY GOT MORE QUESTIONS NOW. WHAT THE FUCK CARMEN!!! What's with that Advanced Payment? And I didn't lie bro, go back and read it, Tony did say Nat's brother covered it. Sneaky sneaky....

Oh, also. Y'all thought I would let the freezer fight slide by? Naahhhh, golden moment of television, just delayed the inevitable muhahahahha and got the FAILED MIKEY?!?!?!?! BROOOOOOOO was it as bad as you thought it would be or no? worse? better? lmk

I loved writing Syd and Richie w/ Tony here. I can't believe any of you thought I wouldn't see Richie and Tony's much needed reconciliation through--- If this was a Richie fanfic, 100% this would've been their smooch moment, fr. Also if you're a taylor swift fan, please don't be mad at me i was doing a funny okokokokokok-- (I also just think it means a lot more, if it's something she doesn't want to do, but will, for him)

i know it's technically still 2022 in their universe but tony was in that fucking car ride home listening to fuckin Ain't Shit, HISS, euphoria, Like That, Not Like Us, Not Nice (YOUR MAMA AINT WORTH THE CRACK YOU SMOKE BITCH!!!!!!!) I know she was so heated in there.

We've got a taglist, I'm bad at keeping track of it, but remember if u wanna be added to this silly little thing you need to hand in an essay (more like a cute lil paragraph) tellin' me what you thought! And also ask. Duh. BUT YA GOTTA DO BOTH!~

@anytim3youwant @navs-bhat @whoknowswhoiamtoday @gills-lounge @slut4supersoldiers @sinceweremutual @itsallacotar @catsrdabestsocks101 @popcornpoppin @renaissance-painting @lostinwonderland314 @v0ctin

I am sorry if your tag doesn't work this is why I hate tag lists tumblr always makes me manually type and sometimes it still don't even work...

As always, i'm always so grateful that you've given me your attention with reading, and if you have thoughts, i'd love to hear em! I always read your comments/reblogs too, even if I don't always reply. Adore y'all.

[midnightsun-if]

How would ROs react to a Mc who is off in their own little world just playing with the ROs' hand before slotting both their hands together and holding it, just looking happy with themselves and not noticing the ROs watching them?

Koda: "I like this."

The soft statement, pulls you from your thoughts, causing you to meet gentle whiskey brown as Koda offers you a broad grin, his large hand encapsulating your own. You hadn't even noticed that he had turned to you and, from the looks of the darkened screen, had shut off his movie in order to give you his attention.

"Like what?" Your mind finally catches up on the sudden conversation, tightening your grip on his hand. "Me zoning out during one of your favorite movies?"

His grin widens further. "No," he replies, the rumbling sound of his laugh reminded you of the bear that lurked within him. "I like that you feel comfortable enough around me to do so. It makes me feel good knowing that I can bring you that much peace."

Surging forward, you press a gentle kiss to his cheek, enjoying the way he takes the opportunity to turn into a hug. "Even if I should be paying attention?" You lay your head against his broad shoulder. "Turn the move back on, Koda. I know how much you enjoy this movie and I promised I'd give it a chance."

"I'd rather watch you any day."

Scarlett: You're startled from your thoughts when a delicate kiss is pressed to the inside of your wrist, you hadn't realized that you had zoned out that much, wherein you hadn't even been able to notice that Scarlett had shifted closer. Though that was the crux of the matter, wasn't it? Scarlett made you feel more serene than you had ever felt before, a steady rock in the whirling storm, welcoming arms after years at sea, the feeling of home all wrapped up in one person-- all of this ensured that you ended up drifting off to the whims of your mind, surrounded by the presence of the woman you love.

"Penny for your thoughts, my heart?"

The raspy chuckle intertwined with the question, coupled with the sparkling glint within viridescent eyes, causes your face to heat up in slight embarrassment. "Wasn't really thinking," you admit, rubbing the back of your neck ruefully. "Was just off in my own little world, I suppose." You angle your head to get a better look at her, well aware that she hadn't let go of your hand, choosing to rub her thumb across your knuckles soothingly instead, and it causes a warm feeling to settle within your chest. "What were you doing?"

"Staring at mine."

Cyrus/Cyra: It's not one singular thing that pulled you from your thoughts, nor was it anything super apparent, but something had been tugging at your mind in order to get you back into the present, to become aware of your surroundings once more. It's only when you turn your head and meet gentle golden eyes that the reason became apparent, the loving smile curling their lips filled you with warmth and a familiar tug of affection at your heartstrings.

"Were you just going to continue staring at me as I played with your fingers?" You ask, a teasing note in your tone. "Or would you have stopped me at some point?"

They tilt their head, pale blonde hair shimmering in the light. "Why would I do that, my flame? You're quite the bewitching sight to behold. I don't see why I would deprive myself from something so beautiful?"

You roll your eyes, fondness settling within your body like a soothing balm to your soul. "One of these days you're going to get bored of staring at me, Cy."

"I don't think that could ever happen; I was made to look at you like the Sun was meant to look upon the Moon."

Quinn: "Having fun there?"

You shouldn't be as startled as you were, if you're being honest, as Quinn's presence hadn't exactly slipped your mind, but your body still gave a light jolt regardless. Something that elicits a gentle chuckle from the wolf at your side, sapphire blue eyes watching you with utmost affection. It's only now, as their familiar warmth spreads up your arm, that you realize you had intertwined their hand with your own.

"Sorry," you apologize, angling your head to look at them better on the couch. "Didn't realize I zoned out that much."

"There's nothing to apologize for," Quinn soothes. "Do I look like someone that needs one? I'm quite content where I am."

"Are you sure?" It's something you can't help but ask, to make sure that Quinn didn't mind simply sitting back and relaxing on the couch -- not when you knew that they had planned to go for a hike through the forest. "I don't want to keep you from where you wish to be."

"The only way you'd be able to do that is if you left my side."

Caden: "I-I should p-put on some gloves."

It's a statement so out of left field that you're instantly aware of your surroundings, and the panicking phantom that was looking down at your intertwined hands with growing concern.

"W--" You clear your throat. "What? Why would you need to put on gloves?"

Pale silver eyes look almost doe-like in their worry. "I don't wish for you to get cold. I know it can't be the most comfortable thing to be touching me for this long." Caden dips their head, dark curls falling across their forehead haphazardly. "I should put on some gloves."

You flex your fingers around theirs, fully aware at the cool feeling against your own skin, but it wasn't overall unpleasant, especially not when you could feel Caden skin-to-skin. "I don't mind it, Caden," you soothe, a gentle smile on your lips. "But if you'd like to let me go then I won't hold it against you."

"That's the last thing I could ever want."

Sloane: Their hand tightens around your own, pulling you from your thoughts, as you suddenly find yourself tugged into their side, the smell of smoke and something inherently them surrounding you, as they settle back into their own spot; either completely oblivious, or ignoring, your confused stare. However, as you knew they would, Sloane soon broke as they had never enjoyed being stared at.

"Why are you starin' at me?" They huff, finally leveling you with a look. "Do I have something on my face?"

A smile upturns your lips. "No. I'm just curious why you decided to cuddle." You smooth a hand over their abdomen, crinkling the fabric of their old band-tee slightly, as their own arm tightens around your shoulders. "Since we're in the living room, out in the open, don't you have a rep to protect?"

It's an old joke, one borne from finally getting them to watch Grease 2 with you, but Sloane simply peers down at you with an undecipherable expression, before they lean forward to press a light kiss to the tip of your nose.

"The only thing that I have to protect is in my arms right now."

Blake: You almost jump out of your skin when Blake settles firmly into your side, their arm wrapped snugly around your waist, head firmly planted on your shoulder. "You're too cute, angel." They poke your cheek, violet eyes peering up at you through thick lashes. "Don't you know that I can't keep my hands off of you when you act like that?"

Having known Blake for as long as you have, although getting used to the romantic aspect of your relationship was still new, you were well versed in the confusion they could cause, but even this took that cake. Something that must have shown clearly on your face as Blake's smirk only broadens further.

"What are you on about, Herrera?" You shake your head, careful not to dislodge them all the same. "Act like what?"

"Like I'm someone worth holding onto."

Reginald/Regina: "Do you want to watch something else?"

A gentle tug to your hand brings you from your thoughts, the sounds of fighting becoming more apparent as the movie played on, but gentle blue-green eyes held you captive: the easy way they hadn't let go of your hand, simply interweaving your fingers together more firmly, or the depth of the affection within the turbulent waves of their gaze, causes your breath to catch.

"If this isn't your cup of tea, I'll be more than happy to watch something else." They incline their head towards the television, a wry smile on their lips. "Cause if you're not enjoying this movie, I don't think you'll enjoy it when we get to the prequels."

You shake your head. "No, I want to keep watching." Even if it was only to see the passionate gleam in your favorite pair of eyes as they watched the screen. "Just got caught up in my own head for a bit, but I'm good." Attempting to lighten the mood, you tease. "I'm surprised you were able to notice, I know how involved you get with these movies."

"Never to the point where I wouldn't notice you."

[kangaracha]

QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 21

---

pairing chan x reader

genre ninth member au, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,

summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.

Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.

status ongoing

taglist OPEN

a/n this is dedicated to the three readers who left such lovely messages after the last chapter, particularly the one who left a long list of tags when reblogging the masterlist yesterday. just a reminder that i love and appreciate you, and your comments mean the world <3

previous | masterlist | next

---

---

Here's what happens:

You throw a bottle of water at Minho's head.

Minho catches it midair, and laughs at the look on your face. For a moment, the tight coil of fear that's constricting your chest eases.

And then, they leave.

Maybe you're skipping a few steps, like how they all laugh, and Seungmin gleefully shares his condolences, and you walk towards the underside of the stage in the middle of the group. Or how Felix squeezes your arm on the way past and Chan offers a smile in the middle of being ushered to his place. It's all short lived though - the camaraderie, the burst of hustle and bustle and distraction that Minho creates - and when it is gone, it all blends together into some half-forgotten memory of colour and light, the only thing that is real the small space you're left standing in and the blast of music above you, the roar of many voices that reminds you of the crowd waiting just past that stage.

Your insides turn sour as you stand there, your mouth too dry to sing through and your limbs too numb to remember the choreography. You press through warmups again under your breath and set your eyes on the downturned face of the assistant who comes to poke at your outfit one last time. She barely seems to do anything, picking at the clothing here and there, adjusting your hair and the cuff of your sleeve. Her slender fingers slide two rings onto your left hand, her mouth saying something about final touches. It doesn't make you feel any better to have them there; it only gives your fingers something to do once she is gone, twisting the metal around and around restlessly.

One song. Two.

You have to go up there now. Dance and sing and live out the dream that you've hounded the shadow of for your entire life. Enjoy it, you tell yourself firmly, but the fear that runs down your spine is ice-cold and the string it winds through your ribcage only tightens with every beat that passes by, the music dragging you closer to debut. It feels wrong somehow, like you are an imposter in your own life, like you've beaten someone else down and taken their place. Like you don't deserve to be here.

Enjoy it, but it is impossible to enjoy something that you dread, that brings so much fear that you can hardly breathe even as you step into an elevator and look up at a far-away ceiling, waiting to rise. 

TAGLIST

@kokinu09 @rainfallingfromthesky @lixie-phoria @mysweethannie @chlodavids

@hanniemylovelyquokka @tfshouldidohere @lauraliisa @puppysmileseungmin @kalopsian-thoughts

@puppy-minnie @readerofallthingss @dvbkie099 @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @acker-night

@d-chagi @lynlyndoll @borahae-reads @ihrtlix @yienmarkk

@minhwa @i2innie @jinnie-ret @conwunder @amesification

@starssongs98 @weirdhumanbeinglol @morinuu @the-weird-mold-in-the-sink @bokkiesplace

@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @skzstaykatsy @blackhairandbangs @jungkookies1002

@hyuuukais @imsiriuslyreal @thatonedemigodfromseoul @gini143 @mercurywritesstuff

@splat00z @filmbypsh @palindrome969 @crabrangoongirl25 @enzos-shit

@jabmastersupriseee @kayleefriedchicken @hynjinswrld @duhgurl @cheshireshiya

@keepswingin

[silviakundera]

Oooh I like duke su from the show but the one from the novel sounds so much more interesting tbh I love a morally grey character with his own goals who doesn't give a f*ck what the lead is trying to do but has their own agenda and it's a much slower burn. Though with how Chinese dramas operate these days it's no wonder they made him like the FL and start helping her extremely early I don't think they know or even can with how netizens are write anything else.

Though I too love novel Su guogong, I think we're in a real quandary for the adaption.

The censors won't let him be characterized as black as the novel version AND be allowed to survive (see: Eternal Brotherhood where we can have a main character who is a dark schemer with blood on his hands that adores his wife -- only because he's doomed, doomed, doomed!) Boooooo!!! I do not agree that this softening was required for this work nor Story of Kunning Palace. Grr!!

But the change to make the FL and ML interact much more and work together in the 1st half, rather than him observing coldly and uncaring about her life or death -- imo that's a quandary about different mediums and how the audience reacts to them.

I wrote a lil meta post previously about the live action adaption of MDZS and why imo the production was forced to change the WWX and LWJ backstory. Once they decided on a linear storyline, imo the otp had to eventually be friends in his first life with a mutually acknowledged bond. The audience simply CANNOT be asked to wade through 20+ hours of episodes before LWJ as love interest isn't repeatedly rejecting the protagonist. 25 episodes and weeks in real-time of him being only cold & standoffish is too much for most viewers. When consuming the novel, the reader both won't have that stretched out real time delay until the couple are on the same page. And it won't take them 20 hours of reading to get there.

Things hit different for a crafted romance on page than performed live on screen for a 40-50 episode drama.

I can still see the adaption's struggle with this. Su suogong is truly a minor character in the novel and frankly not an active participant in most of the problem > scheme > resolution sub-arcs. He has this whole other full life of his own separate interests happening..... somewhere else. The novel mostly leaves his weekly activities as a black box, an obscured mystery. Drama boy is out there somewhere moving his chess pieces & murdering people for power but the reader often just sees glimpses of him ominously sipping his tea & ordering his minions around. In order raise him to a main, the drama is forced to make him involve himself in the play much earlier - to give him a reason to be on screen that is fully tied in with the main plot & its themes. He has to care about FL by the 9th hour in, and want to support her.... or give up ML status to Ye Shijie. 🤷

We can see the strain of this as 3 episodes may happen and all the screenwriter can do is have Su guogong show up for 5 minutes just to flirt a little and remind viewers he's alive 😂😂 but that's what you gotta do with 40 episodes tbh. I can't disgree that this is a more enjoyable viewing experience.

[hellobabydoll333]

The Law of Assumption - dismantling your limiting beliefs (Simplified & Finalized)

I did something like this already, but these are basically my updated beliefs- everything I’ve learned on this blog from others and most importantly, myself. Idk if there’s anything more I can say after this, but… if this don’t resonate with you, as I’ve said in my intro post welp… find something that does cuz hunny this ain’t for you (and no your ask won’t be answered if you decide to speak on it) Anyways, a perfect beginner & non-beginner post that covers just about all you need to know imo. Feel free to ask questions my luvs <3

Your assumptions right now are everything. Be present. What you assumed yesterday don’t matter if it’s not what you’re assuming right now in this moment. ‘Your subconscious doesn’t have eyes, it’s shows what you tell it’, is what a lot of bloggers like to say and that such a great reminder for me to choose what I want rather than the undesirable.

It’s true that repetition creates your dominant thoughts and assumptions (exactly why you can’t be one foot in, one out) but it feels better when you don’t make it a chore and actually have fun with it.

Give the 3D none of your acceptance- you never have to accept it. Yes it’s something you don’t control directly, so you should only focus on things you can control such as the 4D, interact with it, pay attention to it, have fun with it

The 4D/imagination/inner reality isn’t some fake world, it’s very real- it’s where creation happens. I CANNOT STRESSSSSS the importance of doing what you want in the 4D and accepting it as your reality above all. SOOOO IMPORTANT YALL.

It comes down to discipline because you can choose to be the prettiest being in the world right now but even if you don’t continuously choose that over the undesired state, you get what you persist in. Think of it like a game of this or that

You have to actually want better for yourself to do better for yourself- and this is why I push mental health and self love so hard in my posts. It makes no sense that you are struggling so much to do something so easy, you do some thinking and then realize that you don’t actually believe you’re worth your desires and then you do nothing about it.. This focus on yourself includes being real with you. No one is gonna do it for you. Like have convos with yourself, listen to yourself and how you feel about things, people and YOU. Mainly you. This is how you discover your beliefs. Pay attention to you.

This isn’t something that’s too commonly said because usually it’s just ‘ignore your 3D’ whatever, whatever. But sometimes the 3D be jumping out at you in way you SHOULD NOT ignore. Some circumstances be like that. Some people just would never understand that unless it’s them in the situation. And that’s why I said in one of my recent posts, do what you need to do in the 3D. Idc what anyone else says, you can deal with what needs to be done in your 3D while not giving it any power.

Working on your Self concept isn’t necessary for some people but I am an advocate for it. I’m someone who had such a shitty self concept and I didn’t even know I felt this way about myself until I came across loa and it took me forever to fix because I still couldn’t admit to myself that it was a problem, but after spending my time choosing to fix it- think & assume better of myself, love myself- guess who’s flourishing now. “You can still manifest with a shitty self concept” but why would you want to feel that way about yourself… and if you have a good self concept already, great, 10/10 love that for you sweetie!!

When working on your self concept/yourself in general, what you consume matters & give your attention to. It’s a form of repetition. If you constantly consume negativity, it stays in your life. For example, my social media consumption mainly contains pr1sm’s affirmation tape, mai Pham, miss tada & Fatima Bah- people who attract endless opportunities, Hamimommy - someone who’s life is similar to a life I’ll live in the future, my Pinterest boards which reflect my life perfectly. The peace I’ve felt since I’ve changed what I consumed feels so good and I’ve already seen it start to show itself in my life through others, realizations within myself and opportunities.

You make rules. You could take this with a grain of salt. I don’t give one fuck what someone else says if it doesn’t resonate with me honestly and neither should you. Everyone’s journey is different and at the end of the day, it’s all about you. Your life is about you, thus your world revolves around you. Do what makes you happy

Reading this isn’t gonna change anything, you have to make the change yourself. Bloggers can’t give you want you, you have to give it to yourself

And you would never think it’s that straightforward. I don’t post my successes but I do reblog others that I see to keep my followers motivated even though motivation means nothing if you don’t have disciple. And yes I slip up sometimes but I always remind myself of these things and then I’m back on track hunny. I think this will be my last informative post for a long time if not forever because I really don’t think there’s anything more I can say, but I may post lil epiphanies like connections I make about self love or even loa but it’ll be essentially the same things but more detailed how.

This feels like the end of an era for me. Because now I can be completely focused on the 4D now that I’m aware of what works for me.

And to close, I really love this post of mine and this would have to be my all time fav and I definitely will be coming back to read to remind myself whenever I make that slip. YALL LIKE MY SUMMER THEME IN THIS POST?

xoxo, hellobabydoll333

[megamindsecretlair]

Say You Love Me

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. Angst. Smut. Cursing, dirty talk, PIV, fingering (female receiving), oral (female receiving), minor D/s elements, all consensual. Allusions to drug use, masturbation.

Summary: After Frankie returned from the trip, he seemed like a different person. More moody and withdrawn. You finally couldn't take it anymore, all the times he snorted drugs and fucked up. You kicked him out and it has been months. After getting scared half to death, you finally admit to yourself that you miss being around Frankie. You decide to clear the air once and for all, getting reacquainted with him. 

Word Count: 7,234k

AO3 Link

A/N: Finally stopped being a baby and decided to write and post this. Idk why this has been plauging my brain, but I enjoy it and I hope you do too. Please, please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers! And please put ages in bios! Or get blockt!

Taglist: @nerdieforpedro @soft-persephone @amethyst09 @ciaqui @we-outsiiiide @browngirldominion @iv0rysoap @thecookiebratz @harmshake @00aijia00 @judymfmoody @multiversefanfics @tvchi @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @superhoeva @softimgyu @eggnox

You rolled over in bed, stretching your hand across the other side and finding the space cold. Every morning you woke up, reaching out for a body that would no longer be there. No matter how many times you started the night in the middle of the bed, your body was too used to “your” side. 

You sighed, snatching your hand back, and got out of bed. It was approaching midday on Saturday and you were too damn tired to do anything. Work was kicking your ass per usual and your daughter had been up all damn night crying. It took a village to raise a baby. Your daughter had to settle for you.

You looked and felt like hell. You passed a mirror, not bothering to give yourself more than a cursory glance. You knew you looked how you felt and you didn’t want any visual reminders. You went down the hall, checking in on your baby girl, Inez. She was up all damn night so you decided to postpone going to the park today. Let her sleep some of that wayward energy away.

You’d have to find something else to tire her out during the day so that you got some kind of sleep. Inez was far too young to understand why Daddy wasn’t home, but old enough to ask about him. Constantly. And hell if you knew what to say. You didn’t understand it yourself.

Your daughter needed you, so you didn’t get to fall apart like you wanted. You finally closed her bedroom door, walking down the hall once more towards the kitchen. The kitchen was open and spacious enough to feel like you could cook without too many things in the way.

There was a small kitchen island in the middle, where the sink was, and extra counter space to work. You took out ingredients for pancakes, eggs, and bacon. You yawned as you greased the pan with butter, turning to the countertop to start mixing the pancake mix.

You set everything down, reaching into your spice cabinet. You braced yourself to fight with the cabinet door, damn thing had been stuck for months, but it gave way easily. You stumbled a bit and looked at it, testing the cabinet by opening and closing it.

“The hell…” You muttered. You tested the cabinet again. Matter of fact, strange things like that had been happening for a while. Where things that were once loose or in need of fixing magically repaired itself overnight.

Were you sleepwalking and fixing things? Had you imagined that these things were broken? You remembered bitching to Frankie that he needed to stop snorting shit and actually be useful around the house. Some of that was picking a fight because it was more convenient to yell at him than admit how frustrated you were with him, life, or work. 

You closed the cabinet with a frown, making a mental note to investigate it later. As you turned around, you jumped with a scream on your lips. A shadow passed outside of your house. 

It was on the tip of your tongue to yell out for Frankie, that there was a stranger outside. Bastard was no longer there. Your heart raced as you peered out of your kitchen window. Whatever or whoever it had been was too quick. You couldn’t see past a certain angle, as the kitchen was tucked in the corner of the house.

“Shit, shit,” you whispered. You never touched Frankie’s guns, despite how many times he begged to show you how to defend yourself. 

“Why would I need to know how when I have a big strong man to do it for me?” Your words to him echoed in your mind as you backed away from the kitchen slowly, eyes glued to the window. It could be nothing. It could be something. But fuck if you didn’t wish you had listened to Frankie at the moment.

You padded away, barefoot, careful of every creak as if the person or thing outside could hear it. You backed all the way to your bedroom, grabbing a bat. You really didn’t want to do this. You didn’t want to have to fend off an attacker. Too many scenarios ran through your mind.

What about your daughter? What about you? How were you going to protect her if this thing or person hit you, hurt you, or killed you? And who the hell does something like this in broad daylight? A fucking psychopath.

You swallowed around a huge dry lump in your throat, feeling your heartbeat in every step you took towards your daughter’s room. 

Faintly, there was a scratching sound. Or perhaps a knock? You couldn’t make it out. It was so quiet in the house, you couldn’t decipher the house settling or an intruder trying to break in. 

You opened Inez’s room by a crack, checking to ensure that she was still asleep and none the wiser. You debated if you should wake her up and stow her in her closet or in yours. No. You needed to make sure that the asshole never made it past you. It was that simple.

You closed her door as softly as possible, inching down the hall towards the back of the house. Towards the source of the noise. It sounded louder. Or maybe you were just getting closer.

Either way, you were nearly to the back door. There was a large shadow there. You could see your locks getting turned. You trembled with fear, but there was only one thought in your head, “Gotta protect my baby.”

The locks gave way just as you raised the bat in your hand. You had a fleeting thought about bringing a bat to a gun fight when a large man let himself into your house, lifted his head, that damn baseball cap moving to reveal chocolate brown eyes and a scruffy beard.

“Francisco Morales!” You harshly whispered, lowering the bat.

Frankie stopped in his tracks, eyes wide, lips puckered in an apology. “Sorry!” He said in the same tone you were using.

A mixture of relief and adrenaline flooded through your system, making you sway. You leaned on the wall for support. Frankie reached out but you held up the bat to keep him away.

“I almost peed my fucking pants!” You furiously whispered.

Frankie looked down at your bare legs. You opted to wear a blue tank and black shorts to bed since you had the heater cranked up to a hundred. Without him as a space heater, going to bed was damn near frigid. 

Heat rushed through you at the look on his face. Despite the tense situation, he still looked ready to devour you. Sex was never your problem. It’d been entirely too long since you felt his touch but that was beside the point. He was still a bastard.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. Damn him. He looked good, sporting dark jeans, boots, and a black T-shirt. The shirt was stretched over his biceps, granting you a view of his golden skin tanned from being outside. He wore his signature cap, curls peeking out from underneath. 

“It’s my house,” you said.

“I mean, yes. But why aren’t you at the park?” He asked.

You stared at him. “What?” 

“You’re usually at the park by now,” he said.

“Are you stalking me?” You asked. You had too many thoughts whirling through your mind and not nearly enough food. Your stomach chose that moment to growl. You placed a hand over your belly, willing it to shut the fuck up. 

Frankie lifted an eyebrow and you scowled at him. “No, I’m not stalking you. I just…” he grew quiet, licking his lips and suddenly looking everywhere but at you.

“Spit it out,” you said. Whatever it was, it had to be bad. You couldn’t begin to imagine what he had up his sleeve at the moment. What fanciful yarn of shit he was getting ready to spin.

“I sort of fix things while you’re gone,” he said slowly. 

“Sort of?” 

“You were always telling me about things I needed to fix. And I never did. I..I wanted to make sure shit worked around here, even when I’m not here.” 

You sagged against the wall, chuckling though there wasn’t a damn thing funny. “That’s you?” You asked.

Well, at least you weren’t going crazy. It was just like Frankie to show up a day late and a dollar short. “So you let yourself into my house while I’m gone?” You asked. You leaned the bat against the wall. You placed a hand over your chest. Your heart was still beating a hundred times per second. 

Frankie stood framed by the doorway, sunlight hitting the back of him and making him glow slightly. He kept one hand on the handle as if he didn’t know he should bolt or stay. 

“It’s my house too,” he said, a deep sigh leaving him. 

“You can’t be here, Frankie. You can’t let yourself in to fix things. I have…I can call someone to come fix it,” you said.

“And have some piece of shit overcharge you or some stranger in here?” 

“It’s not your business anymore,” you whispered. Having Frankie here, in the flesh, while you were half naked, was screwing with your nerves. It had been too long since you'd seen him longer than the time it took to drop your daughter off at Santiago’s where Frankie was staying. 

And he caught you in a particularly vulnerable moment, missing the heat of his skin and the curve of his lips. Frankie turned wide eyes towards you and licked his lips. He dropped his hand from the knob and placed his hands on his lean hips. “Let me at least fix one more thing,” he said.

“Frankie…” You sighed.

“Just one more. And…I won’t come around anymore.” You tried to ignore the trembling in his voice. The thickness of his words and how he forced himself to say it. 

You were tired. And he caught you on a bad day. You knew it was a bad idea, but you moved away and let him enter. He closed the door and locked it, giving you a brief smile before he walked down the hallway. You saw him glance towards your daughter’s room, but he kept moving on towards the kitchen.

You debated throwing on a robe or longer pants. Anything to not make you feel so exposed. But this was your house, dammit. And just because he pushed his way in, didn’t mean that you had to change anything on your side.

Frankie assessed the kitchen and noted your breakfast supplies. “Pancakes?” He asked. 

You nodded. Frankie nodded. It was all so awkward. Staring at him across a chasm of pain and frustration. You’d give anything to run to his side, tuck yourself under his arm, and just breathe in his scent. Feel warmed by his body heat.

“Christ, it’s hot in here,” he said. He took off his cap and wiped sweat from his brow, fixing his hair before returning the cap. He was letting it get too long, the ends curling against his ears. 

You cleared your throat and put yourself to good use by finishing up breakfast. Inez would be up soon and you wanted to get her something to eat. You didn’t know what you would do if she caught Frankie here. She would inevitably ask if he was staying for breakfast. You finished up bacon, making extra…just in case. 

Frankie moved around the kitchen like a phantom, knowing exactly where everything was. He should, it had only been a few months since the separation. Since he followed his friends on some asinine “top secret mission” and came back changed somehow. He offered you no explanation. You held on to the anger you felt, the hurt, the many ways you tried to get him to open up and he never did. 

You cleared your throat again, not wanting to go down that dark path once more. “If it’s too warm, I can turn down the heater,” Frankie offered.

“I got it,” you said. You didn’t move towards the thermostat. You continued mixing the pancake mix and wishing he’d hurry the hell up. You felt his eyes on you linger for a brief moment before he dropped to the floor, getting under the kitchen sink. You moved out of his way, standing off to the side while you spun the spoon around and around. Trying to ignore the length of him. His legs as he propped them on the floor. His heavy, scuffed boots. 

Frankie grunted as he worked. You hadn’t seen him grab his old tool box and you nearly tripped over it. You cursed as it hit your foot, your baby toe smarting from where you hit it. Frankie gave you a lopsided grin.

“Want me to kiss it and make it better?” He asked.

“Focus on yourself,” you said, though you noticed it had no bite in your words. A kiss from him…you must be loopy. Not seeing Frankie helped. Not being reminded of how pretty he is when he’s sober, teasing, and open like he was before. It was easy to focus on your daughter or work, day by day, too tired to worry about how you arrived here.

“We used to have fun finding things to fix,” he said, returning to whatever the hell he was doing.

You didn’t say anything as you turned your attention to the eggs, getting it prepped before putting it on to cook. You whisked the eggs as you remembered when you first moved to the house. It was a piece of shit then, but you had fun making it into a home. Into something both of you were proud of. 

“I let too many things slide,” he said.

“Can’t you fix that shit in silence?” You snapped. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he said.

You rolled your eyes, mixing and mixing and mixing. You were scatterbrained, Frankie’s presence conjuring up many memories and thoughts. But the only one you were stuck on now, was how amazing he looked. His shirt had ridden up while he reached under the sink. You saw a hint of his tummy, so thick and luscious with a happy trail leading straight down to…

“Eyes up here, gorgeous,” he muttered. You looked up and caught his eyes and a smirk on his face. 

You turned back to the stove, turning it back on, and obscuring your face from his. So what, he caught you staring. It’d been months…Months since you kissed him, held him, or felt any kind of relief. You tried after he was gone. Tried pleasuring yourself in your bed, in your bathtub, in the living room after your daughter went off to bed. 

Nothing worked. It was like your body had gotten much too used to the way he took care of you, your fingers and vibrator no longer did shit for you. Asshole. Out of all the things he did, he didn’t have to take that from you as well. You’d be able to think more clearly, act better, when you got around him if you weren’t so pent up. None of this…yearning.

You turned around, ready to plate the eggs when Frankie stood behind you. Too close. You gasped, standing so close to him that your breasts nearly brushed his chest. He smiled crookedly at you, looking down, when he whispered, “Forgot something in my truck.”

You nodded. Swallowed painfully. He didn’t move. Didn’t touch you, didn’t say anything, just stood there in the kitchen looking down at you. 

“Is there anything else that needs fixing around here?” He asked.

It was on the tip of your tongue to tell him that your body needed fixing. Your heart too. You shook your head, moving past him since he wasn’t inclined to move. He sucked in a sharp bite of air as your body slid against his. Possibly on purpose. 

“Daddy!” Inez shrieked in the otherwise quiet house. Frankie’s face erupted in a big smile. 

“Chiquita! (Little one!) Look at you!” He said. He stooped down and scooped up your daughter, swirling her around the kitchen in a giant bear hug. The eggs popped behind you. 

You softly cursed, taking the pan off of the stove and turning it off. Not burnt but…not soft either. You plated the eggs, turning your attention to Frankie as he held Inez in his arms. 

She chattered away, catching him up on everything he missed since he’d seen her last weekend. Everything that happened on Bluey, with school, with her friends, and with a squirrel she grew fond of in the backyard. 

Frankie listened to everything, rapt attention, like your daughter was providing exclusive news coverage. He asked her questions, getting her to open up more. It made your heart sick. 

“Is Daddy staying again?” Inez asked.

Your lips parted but no words were forthcoming. You looked to Frankie for help, though you didn’t know why. Bastard was smiling at you. “I can’t let you eat all the bacon. I’m a growing boy, I need food,” he said. He pouted at your daughter who shrieked with giggles. 

“You’re already growed up!” 

“Growed is not a word,” you said. 

“Mommy’s just jealous. She’s already growed up, too,” Frankie said. 

You tilted your head at him but he only shrugged. You rolled your eyes.  “I suppose I can spare a few slices…”

Inez yelled in victory, mimicking her father when he watched sports. He yelled the same way, placing your daughter down on the floor. He got down to her level, fixing her pjs and then tapped her nose.

“Now, I wanna see clean teeth and a scrubbed face in ten minutes,” he said. He looked at his watch. “Go!” 

Your daughter took off towards the bathroom, huffing and pumping her short little legs to beat Frankie’s clock. He watched her with a slight chuckle and you watched him. You hated that they worked so well together. You started to feel like the Wicked Witch of the East keeping them apart. 

You never denied Frankie a chance to see his daughter. But you knew that he was maintaining a healthy distance for your sake. Because whenever you got around him, you didn’t know if you wanted to kiss him or scratch his eyes out. 

Frankie stood up, walking over to you. “I can make up something if you don’t really want me here,” he said. 

And be the one to crush your daughter’s heart? He stood too close again, crowding your space in the way that he always liked. Frankie reminded you of a puppy, a wolf puppy, but a puppy that just liked to snuggle. Touch. Caress. Part of his charm was that he was so openly caring that way. 

“It’s okay. Some payment is in order for fixing the sink. Finally,” you couldn’t help but add. 

Frankie smiled, placing a hand over his chest. “You wound me,” he said.

“Better hurry before there’s no more bacon left.” Frankie smiled, turning on the sink. You waited for it to sputter like normal, shooting out water before clearing and returning to a normal flow. When it didn’t, Frankie winked at you and washed his hands. 

“I still need something from the truck, I’ll hurry,” he said. He went out the front door this time. You moved everything to the dining table, getting out three plates instead of two. You peeked out of the window as Frankie climbed into his truck, retrieving a plastic bag. 

The sun damn sure loved him. It highlighted his tanned skin, like the sun itself was giving him a kiss. The red in his hair stuck out against the sun. He turned towards the house and you moved on, hoping he didn’t catch you staring again. 

Frankie came back in, waving some kind of nugget for the sink. You didn’t have a clue what it did but if he said he needed it, then so be it. Your daughter returned, grinning up at Frankie. He stooped down to one knee, looking at her. 

“Did you just splash water everywhere?” He asked.

“Noooo,” Inez said. She was a bad liar. 

Frankie chuckled. “With soap this time, please Chiquita?” Your daughter’s shoulders slumped as she went back to the bathroom. 

You giggled as you poured orange juice for her and started the coffee maker. “Would it be alright…?”

“Black. I know, Frankie,” you said. It had been his standing order when he was still here. You liked doing domestic shit for him. Liked taking care of him to appreciate him for all the small ways he took care of you. Fuck, you missed it.

Your daughter returned and you all sat down to breakfast, like the good old times. You talked and laughed, played board games. Frankie told you to take a nap while he took your daughter out to the park to tire her out. You loved the idea so you agreed.

When you awoke, it was well past dark outside. You sleepily emerged from the bedroom, finding Frankie asleep on the couch with your daughter tucked into his lap. You sneakily backed away, grabbing your phone so that you could snap a picture. 

Done, you leaned against the doorway staring at the pretty picture of them. Frankie adjusted himself, waking though you swore you hadn’t made a noise. He smiled sleepily at you, kissing your daughter’s forehead.

“Guess we both knocked out,” he said. 

“I’ll get her in bed,” you said.

“Let me?” He asked.

You nodded. He stood up slowly, cradling your daughter and took her to the room. You didn’t watch as he tucked her in. Couldn’t stand this separation a moment longer. You were weak. Weak in the damn knees and there was no solid ground beneath you. 

A wall of heat preceded Frankie before he stood behind you. He made no move to touch you, just stood there for a second before moving past. He cleared his throat. “I won’t come over anymore, promise,” he said. 

“I never really thanked you for fixing all that stuff,” you said.

“I should’ve done it while I was here. I wanted to do something nice for once. So you didn’t always think I was a piece of shit,” he said.

“I never thought you were a piece of shit, Frankie,” you said. You shook your head. This talk had been a long time coming. You supposed it was about time. Now, when you weren’t still so angry. Funny how a decent nap fixed a lot of things. 

When you kicked him out, it had been a huge screaming match. Luckily, your daughter was next door at a sleepover. But still. You were surprised you hadn’t woken the entire neighborhood. 

“It felt like…you didn’t want to be here. Like all you could think about was escaping. You were always up in the air and even when you were home, you were snorting shit or out with your friends. I started to feel like…” You weren’t quite that brave, to admit that it felt like he didn’t love you anymore. Couldn’t bear to toss those words out there.

Frankie saw you flinch anyway. He closed the distance and looked down at you with those haunting brown eyes. “You and Inez are the only important things in my life. I fucked that up, I know. But I swear to you, I wasn’t trying to escape. Never from you.” 

Tears welled in your eyes. Fuck, this shit was all so hard. You were staring at your husband, at your best friend, as if he were a stranger. There were so many things familiar about him and so many things you didn’t recognize. 

“Then why…?”

“Bad shit seems to pile up sometimes. So much so that the only way to drown it out is either up my nose or down the bottom of a bottle. I don’t want to burden you with that shit,” he said. He sighed and shook his head.

“It’s not a burden,” you said.

“It was to me. I only ever wanted you to keep being open and smiling. And happy, mi vida (my life).” 

“That’s not realistic, Frankie. Your burdens are my burdens. Mines are yours. That’s kinda in the marriage contract,” you said. 

“Do you know when I fell in love with you?” Frankie asked. He stepped closer, a shadow falling across your face because of his hat. 

“Frankie…” you sighed, shaking your head. Trying to ward off his words. You didn’t want to hear about his love. You didn’t want to think about all this time apart. 

“We’d only been dating two months. We had plans for a picnic. One of those fancy shits that people do because it’s cute and you just want to spend time together. Only, we got there, and it started raining. I thought you were going to think I was dumb or stupid for not checking the forecast. I thought you wouldn’t want to see me anymore.”

Your thoughts turned to that date. It was the exact opposite. You felt so over the moon about him already. You liked his voice and the cute way he meticulously planned everything and looked so nervous. It could have been a picnic in the park or running to the store, you just wanted to gobble up all of his time and attention. 

“But then you stood up while everyone was running for cover and you turned your face to the rain. And fuck, I’d never seen such a beautiful person before. Never felt felt like I was in the presence of, fuck, royalty or divinity or something.”

You laughed. You didn’t want to but he was being too damn cute. “Shut up,” you said.

“You know I don’t always have the right words. But I never felt like I deserved you. I left so often because I knew I was fucking up. I knew I did. I know I still do. And it fuckin’ hurts knowing that I want to be a better man for you and I can’t,” he said.

Your chest ached for him. “I never asked you to be a better man, Frankie. You already were,” you said. Didn’t the big idiot see? He was an amazing father. A great husband when he was on the right track. He always made you feel so safe and protected. Loved. Cherished. Respected. 

He gave and he gave, often at the expense of himself. He was a provider and a protector. Just because it was built into his DNA. And he thought he wasn’t a better man? 

Frankie dropped to his knees. He took your hand in his and kissed the back of it. When you didn’t pull away, his large hands encircled your waist. He planted his forehead against your stomach. 

Softly, so softly you only heard him because it was quiet in the living room, he began speaking rapidly in Spanish. It was too fast for you to keep up with. It sounded like a prayer. It sounded like benediction. You slowly reached out and took off his baseball cap and let it drop to the floor.

You ran your hands through his curls, loving the softness of his hair. It was silky soft to the touch and you ran your fingers through it. Frankie sighed but continued. Reaching some kind of conclusion, he looked up at you. 

“I don’t deserve another chance, mi vida. You’ve put up with far too much from me already. But I can’t go another day without you. Without Inez. I want to be here. I want to be the man you married. I want to be everything you ever needed or wanted. And if you’ll give me that chance, I promise I’ll do everything I can to live up to it.”

You didn’t know what to say. It had been a hard road to being okay with kicking him out. You had spent many restless nights, tossing and turning because you didn’t want him in the house and you couldn’t bear the thought of him not being in it. Giving in right now felt like giving up. But it also felt like the stepping stone to everything you ever wanted from him.

For him to heal whatever was in his heart and mind. The shadows he kept from you. To be the man you married. And here he was, offering it to you on a silver platter. 

“I only want you to be yourself. Can you do that, Frankie?” You asked.

Not missing a beat, Frankie nodded. “I swear it.” 

You cupped his face and kissed him. Sliding your lips against his felt like the first breath of air after swimming for a long time. Like sliding onto clean sheets after a warm shower. Frankie made a low, strangled noise in his throat before he stood up and then crashed his lips back to yours. You caressed the nape of his neck, fingers curling around his hair, pulling him closer. 

Frankie’s hands migrated to your round ass, cupping it and squeezing. You gasped and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth, tasting you. He didn’t move or press for more. Too content to stand here and make out with you. When you both were fighting for air, too lost in kisses to be apart for long, you pulled back far enough to whisper, “Take me to bed.” 

Frankie growled but didn’t move. “Are you sure?” He asked.

“Now.” 

Frankie smiled against your lips as he walked you backwards towards your room. You didn’t break contact, kissing, trusting that he knew where to lead you without running you into a door or a dresser. 

Inside your room, he didn’t bother to turn on the light. He kicked the door shut behind him and then he pushed you towards the bed. He broke away long enough to toe off his boots and pull his shirt over his head. 

You felt for him, little ambient light in the room enough to make out his outline. You would like the lights on but you liked the intimacy of the dark. Where you weren’t cataloging everything about him. Weren’t worried about how you looked or if he was enjoying himself. It had been months. Things changed. Affections changed.

You felt none of that in his arms. In the way he ripped off your tank and shorts. The way his thumbs lightly caressed your aching nipples. You gasped, loving the rough texture of his calloused fingers. A man that worked with his hands. There was nothing sexier. 

He moved on from your lips, giving you a breather, while he kissed down your jaw and neck. He hooked his fingers around your shorts and panties, pulling them down in one fell swoop. You could feel the slickness between your thighs already, turned on to the max. Your body needed and craved him. So much so, you had been doing a poor job of hiding it the past few months. Even your memories or fantasies were nothing compared to the real thing. 

You stepped out of your shorts and panties and Frankie pushed you onto the bed. He hooked his arms under your legs and pulled you to the edge of the bed, spreading you wider. Had the light been on, he’d see you closing your eyes and inwardly groaning. 

You didn’t know why you felt shy, only that you did. Only that this time felt different. In so many ways. Sex had never been a problem for you and Frankie. But this felt like more. Like when you first got together and all you wanted to do was explore each other’s bodies. 

“Shh, shh,” Frankie whispered. “You are gorgeous. Beautiful. Devastating,” Frankie whispered against your tummy as he kissed there. 

You giggled. How the hell did he know?

“I know you. Inside and out,” he said when you asked him. He kissed down your tummy as he knelt before you. He dragged his nose through your folds, inhaling. “Still smell so sweet. Tell me, did you touch yourself while I was gone?” He asked.

You hesitated. Did you really want to admit that too? That you did but were unable to finish if he wasn’t there?

“Tell me, mi vida,” he said. He bypassed your pussy altogether, moving down to place kisses against your thighs. You sighed, body heating up to dangerous levels. You just wanted him to move, to touch you, to give you that relief you’d been craving for the past few months. 

“Yes,” you finally admitted. The word nearly scraped your throat on the way out. You wanted to fight and tease him. Be sexy. But you were just too damn horny to think correctly at the moment. 

“Did it help?” He asked. He got a teasing lilt in his voice that told you he was enjoying this. Enjoying dragging this out as much as possible. 

“Yes,” you said. That wasn’t technically a lie. It did help take the edge off. But only just. It seemed like once you gave up, you could get something that resembled sleep. But you didn’t really rest.

“Liar,” he said and bit your thigh. “Did you think of me while you touched yourself?”

“Always,” you moaned as he dragged a finger lazily up the center of you. He didn’t touch your clit, not yet. He only played with your pussy lips, gathering the essence that leaked out of you. 

“Tell me what you thought about,” he said. He placed his free hand on your tummy, splaying his fingers wide.

“Frankie…” you sighed. 

“Tell me. I won’t say it again,” he said. His voice dropped, turning into that sexy, sleepy, bedroom voice of his that never failed to make your eyes roll back. Combined with the fact that you couldn’t really see his face, couldn’t gauge his emotions, could only rely on his voice, it turned you on in the best way possible. 

You swallowed around a dry patch in your throat. You were breathing so hard, it was tough to calm down long enough to tell him. “I thought about your hands. And how big they are. And how incredible they feel on me,” you said. 

Frankie hummed while he pushed his fingers through your folds, swirling his thumb around your clit. You gasped, moving your hips. But Frankie’s steadying hand on your stomach kept you locked in place. 

You moaned, back rearing off of the bed. “Keep going,” Frankie prompted.

“Your fingers…feel like heaven. I thought about you fingering me,” you said. 

Frankie kept his thumb on your clit, rubbing circles, while he pushed a finger inside of you. He grunted and a shudder seemed to run through him. “You’re so fucking wet, mi vida. Keep going, tell me how you really feel,” he said.

“I thought about you…tying me up. Tying me to the bed and leaving my legs free while you fuck me,” you said. The safety of the darkness let you unleash what you really wanted. Frankie had taken you in so many ways. You thought you’d be sick of it. Or craving something new. 

The opposite was true. You liked his mastery over you. The way he commanded and demanded, the way he gave orders and you followed, with a little mischievous resistance. You liked being at his mercy because you knew that he’d always protect you. 

You clenched around his fingers and Frankie cursed low, under his breath. “You want to be fucked?” He asked.

You nodded until you realized he couldn’t see you. “Yes, fucked,” you said. 

“What else do you need from me?” He asked. 

“I want you to hear your voice. I missed it. I want you to…tell me you missed me,” you said. You didn’t know how much you needed to hear it at the moment. After you kicked Frankie out, he respected it by keeping things civil as much as possible. You saw the lingering looks when you dropped off Inez, but you weren’t sure how he really felt.

“Oh, mi vida,” he sighed. He flipped his wrist and started fingering you in earnest. Before, it had been a slow glide, getting reacquainted with your pussy like the first time he came back from his tour overseas. This was something new entirely. He pumped his finger into you, adding a second and stretching you. 

“Oh, oh,” you moaned and grabbed hold of his wrist, feeling his muscles move beneath his skin.

“I have thought of nothing else but you. I’ve missed you so damn much, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t focus. I dreamt of you and hated when I had to wake up and discover you weren’t there,” he said. 

He curled his fingers in a come hither motion and you were exploding on the spot. His voice should be bottled and sold as the cure to any sexual ailment. With a few sentences, he had you going off like a bottle rocket. He whispered in Spanish while you floated in that gooey region in your mind, lost to pleasure. He continued to stroke that spot, wringing every last morsel of passion from you before he slowed down. 

You calmed down, throat raw from moaning, and panted. Frankie removed his fingers and he loudly sucked on them, tasting you. 

“There were too many nights that I stroked myself to thoughts of being welcomed back into your warm, wet heat. My hand was a poor substitute. Every day in the shower, I spilled into my hand wishing that I was spilling into your tight, little pussy,” he said. He kissed all around your pussy before planting a kiss on your clit. 

You moaned and writhed on the bed, picturing him in the shower glistening with water. Picturing him jerking himself to climax, lips parted, eyes tightly closed, the steam of the shower rising around him. Your pussy clenched just thinking of it.

“I dreamed of your taste, mi vida,” he said. He followed that sentence with a lick of his tongue. You jerked and moaned, hands flying to his hair and pulling. He growled, licking you again and causing you to pull harder. 

“Sweet fuck,” you moaned. 

Frankie stopped talking as he aggressively ate you out. Gone was the sweet, slow pace he set while he finger fucked you. His tongue moved around your clit, flicking and tasting, and teasing between his lips. 

You writhed and moaned, pushing at his head. It was too much. He grabbed your flailing hand and pinned it to the bed beside you. Your moans grew louder, more wanton, escaping your lips. You brought your other hand up and he only pinned that one as well. His big hands locked down your wrists, to the point that you couldn’t move an inch. God, you loved it.

“Cum for me, baby. Cum on, cum on,” he encouraged in between licking and teasing you. You began to tense, crushing his head between your thighs. He kept going, licking and licking until you were a shaking, creaming mess before him. You managed to curb your moans, painfully aware that your daughter was just down the hall. But she slept like a rock, much like you. 

Frankie licked everything you gushed out. Like you were a little ice cream cone for him. He moaned into your pussy, finally dragging his lips away. You wondered if his jaw was soaked with your essence. You got your answer when he kissed both of your inner thighs, leaving wet spots behind. 

“So fucking pretty. So fucking gorgeous,” he whispered into your skin while he kissed up your tummy. He stood as he did so, moving to free himself of his jeans and briefs.

“Fuck, Frankie, I missed you. I missed you so fucking much,” you whispered.

“I missed you too. Let me come home. Let me stay,” he said.

“Stay, stay,” you said.

He stopped kissing you while he got to your titties. He kissed all around your nipples, bringing his hand up to play with your left one while he sucked on your right. 

“Frankie,” you chanted over and over again while he gave generous attention to your nipples. You played with his hair, with his broad shoulders. You ran your hands up and down his back, lightly dragging your nails across his skin. Overcome with the sudden need to mark him. To scratch him. To give him a physical mark and show it off to the world. That he was yours. Would always be yours. Forever and ever. 

“I love you,” he whispered as he lined himself up with your entrance. 

You caressed his face, bringing him down for a kiss. “I love you,” you said against his lips. 

He slid in with one savage thrust and you dug your nails into his skin, sharply hissing as he stretched you to the max. Your legs shook from finally being full. You clutched Frankie to you while he thrust, picking up speed while he rammed into you, just as you asked. 

“Fuck, fuck,” you moaned. 

“Can’t. Last. Much. Longer,” Frankie said through gritted teeth. He dropped his head to your chest, lips finding your nipples once more as he thrust hard and fast, pummeling you, and eliciting so many moans and cries from your lips you had no hope of staying quiet now. 

He pulled out unexpectedly with a groan. You whined, until Frankie roughly flipped you over. He hiked your hips up, lining himself back up, and then slamming into you. 

“Oh fuck!” You moaned. He hit a sweet spot deep inside you that made you see stars as you came. 

Frankie slammed into you, chasing his own orgasm as you squeezed and convulsed on his dick. You didn’t know if your eyes were open or closed. There were just the stars flashing in the darkness, a burrowing sense of relief that flooded your system and made you collapse. 

His fingers dug into your hips painfully while he continued to fuck you, your essence making it a smooth glide. He smacked your ass, the sound echoing in the dark room. He slammed harder, your ass making a delicious clapping sound on his thighs.

“Gonna cum, gonna cum,” Frankie chanted. It was punctuated with him thrusting one last time, so deep inside of you, while he groaned and climaxed. He seemed to swell inside of you, filling in any remaining space if there was any. His cum pulsed, hot and sticky, shooting out of him and filling you to the brim. So much so that the moment he moved, it leaked out of you. 

He pulled out completely and dropped beside you with a heavy, panting sigh. Your hips dropped to the bed, completely spent and worn out. That was what you had been missing. Your fingers or vibrator couldn’t reach as far as he could. They couldn’t talk and stimulate both your mind and body. You had tried listening to old recordings of his voice and it wasn’t the same.

Frankie tucked himself against you. You laid on his bicep while he curled his arm around you. His fingers trailed along your back and you hummed, snuggling closer. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you,” you whispered back.

The end.

Frankie will be back! The Secret Frankie Morales Files

[shaylogic]

Messy Masterpost: I don't have the words so here's a mess of links and ideas

@captainfantasticalright's Dead Boy Detectives: a breakdown of Dante's hell. This post is a masterpiece of understanding how the Hell/afterlife dynamics work in Sandman Universe and DBDA, and it's sent my mind buzzing like crazy

My post about Simon's book

Not just any book

Theory about Simon's brother/father? Being a part of Burgess' Cult ("Order of Ancient Mysteries")

Thank you @niko-sasaki-dbd

Ba'al ==> Sa'al

Seems like Simon may have gotten a demon-summoning book that worked from his brother who may have been involved on Burgess' cult from Sandman. He died with book in hand, and that's the one he's tearing apart on repeat in Hell. Tumblr user listed above identified what the book might be, based off the image.

This interview at 12:52 George Rexstrew answering that Edwin's favorite thing about Charles is his unconditional love and acceptance of him.

Post about Charles bearing his soul to the Night Nurse like Orpheus played music to Cerberus

Interviewer talking about "straight friend" Charles "rejecting" gay Edwin, only for George, Jayden, Beth, and Steve to stiffen up slightly. Asking about how Charles didn't have a gay panic reaction to Edwin's confession. This interviewer is actually gay and interviewed on a gay network later, which threw me after this question.

=>If Charles had really gay panic rejected Edwin, it really would have ended like Eurydice, thrust back to the pit of Hell to wallow in the internalized homophobia, rather than being released with the support and healthy love of Charles.

Actors have reiterated multiple times that the case is not closed on Edwin and Charles' romance, they're just getting started and figuring it out in the midst of all the chaos.

People are stuck in Hell because they believe they belong there but Edwin gets out the second time because Charles KNOWS he doesn't belong there! And reminds Edwin of this when he's getting pulled under in it all

Charles went back to his red polo after the confession and escaping Hell with @nerdytacollama's excellent addition on episode 7 specifically!!

Edwin's whole arc was about accepting loving and being loved and his attraction to men, and his love of his best friend, specifically

Steve Yockey saying the confession NEEDED to happen on the stairs out of Hell. One reason being that Edwin may have been too afraid to go through with it after, another being that he could get dragged away forever at any second and it could be his last chance.

[above article pic quote from this]

But also based on the Hell worldbuilding of the Sandman Universe where people only go to hell if they believe in it and believe they deserve to be there > Edwin believing his want for intimacy at all letalone with other men being "such a sinful life" (Night Nurse paperwork) > the upward climb of healthy love from the Dante's Inferno Post > Edwin HAD to confess on the stairs and be accepted! It freed him of Hell~!

Simon moved on from Hell with Edwin's mutual sorrow for the two of them and somewhat understanding/forgiveness? Maybe self-acceptance from the gay guilt

Edwin's form saying he would serve in Hell for living such a sinful life and then be reassigned to a more pleasant state (Hell not an eternal afterlife, just time served and then moving one)

[image posted in @reviewcreature's post with @melefim's addition]

If Edwin went back now, loved and accepted by his friends and himself, would he pass on to the better place?

My post wondering about reincarnation in the Sandman Universe, which others weighed in on in the comments about how it's indeed canon

The parallels of the Lust room in hell being a butcher shop with bloody hanging bodies to reflect the debauchery of bloody writhing lust bodies ===> compare to "Girls' Night" when Jenny was running and hiding from stalker Maxine in her butcher shop behind meat ===> compare Edwin's arc of accepting "sodomite sin" of being attracted to men (challenge to the epitome and catalyst (ha) by the Cat King) and him having been through the Lust room of hell before and him STARING AT THE RED BULL ON THE BUTCHER SHOP WALL (as compared to directly in the first linked post)

The purity of Charles and Edwin's love compared to that and the stereotypes of how male love is depicted in media, as George, Steve, and Jayden have spoken out against gently in multiple interviews

How it's partially childlike, partially deep friendship where two men can hug and cry, partially a crush, partially potentially reciprocally romantic

The juxtaposition of Edwin's archetypical confession to Charles on the stairs of Hell on the way out of the Limbo of it, with Maxine guilty and desperate just below them, not even looking toward the open door

Fans wondering why it was so easy to get out of Hell. The worldbuilding canon saying that Hell is what you make of it (Charles says this in the original Season of Mists Ch 4 comic, Edwin says it in episode 7 to Simon). People in Hell stuck because they feel they deserve it.

@podcastenthusiast's post about being glad Edwin didn't see Simon move on, because then he'd really wonder we he himself suffered so long

==>CHARLES got Edwin out because he KNEW he didn't belong there!!!!

They push and pull each other by the arms the whole way to the top!!!!!!!

Magical weight in the snake pit "nothing's meant to leave this place"

Charles literally dragging Edwin out of Hell for the love and devotion to him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allegory of dragging him out of his self-rejection and holding him by the face saying over and over "I love you. I accept you. I'm not leaving without you."

Openly gay producer/director Steve Yockey insisting on being the one to write Episode 7 and you can feel it in every color on the screen.

There's no higher power deciding this, despite the paperwork and minders ensuring everyone is sorted. It's an internal self-decided fate, unconscious.

I'm not gonna be able to link and list every pic and organize this in the state I'm in but--

ARE YOU SEEING ALL THE THINGS I'M SEEING?

Girl help I'm getting visions!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mxckiemxn]

An ask request please like it's a doctor jungkook x reader au

Really don't know from where it came from 😅

I loved this omg! Sorry it took me so long to get to 😅. I hope you enjoy, love! ~Mackie 💜

Pairing: Doctor!Jungkook x reader

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, swearing, mentions of blood, bad breakup, the whole thing happens in a doctor's office, kinda angsty, brief mentions of-sex, alcohol, and tobacco (checkup questions)

@rkive-joonie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat in the waiting room, subconsciously tapping your foot against the floor as you scrolled through your phone. You hated going to the doctor’s office. Something about the entire experience triggered anxiety to brew within you. Maybe it was the way that the air felt heavier in the building. Maybe it was the sterile smell that lingered, or maybe it was the fact that you couldn’t go to the doctor without being reminded of your ex. Regardless, you avoided it whenever you could.

Your ex, Jungkook, was a doctor. The two of you had been high school sweethearts, and you never thought that your relationship would end. I mean, both of you frequently discussed marriage and building a family together. That dream slowly dwindled to dust as the two of you got older. Something about his work weighed heavily on him. He began bringing his work home with him, and as a result, he dumped it onto you. Suddenly, the couple who never fought over anything was now fighting every day.

The breakup was intense. You believed that you’d never get over him, and nearly three years later, that appeared to be true. Jungkook, however, moved on pretty quickly with one of his associates. The pair ended up moving to another city together, and it left you feeling hopeless. It felt as if your world had crumbled and that you’d never recover. Luckily, after the initial shock wore off, the fact that you wouldn’t have to worry about running into him helped you to find your footing once again. Slowly, you learned to let him go. No matter how much it hurt.

“Y/N?” A woman’s voice called out, causing you to look up from your phone. She smiled brightly as she motioned for you to come with her.

The woman led you to a room where she began performing the basic tests to prepare you for the doctor. She asked you all of the usual questions that made you want to roll your eyes. Giving you a bit of a side-eye when you told her that you weren’t sexually active, or that you barely drank, or that you didn’t use tobacco. The whole nine yards.

She stood up as she concluded the tests, before opening the door and hanging a clipboard on it.

“Dr.Jeon will be with you shortly.” She said in a cheery tone before stepping out, causing you to freeze.

Dr.Jeon? You thought. There’s absolutely no way. There’s got to be thousands of Dr.Jeons right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The anxiety that you were already feeling was now elevated. You thought about just leaving. Running out of the door and never looking back. You could always find a new doctors office to go to. Soon enough, your thoughts seized as the sound of the door opening caused you to look up nervously.

“Hi, Y/N.” The man’s voice greeted you.

In that moment, you wanted to break down and cry. He looked exactly the same as he did when he left you. His eyes were still bright. He still wore that beautiful smile that made you melt. He was still your Jungkook.

“H-hi.” You stuttered.

“It’s good to see you.” He smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in his tone that didn’t go unnoticed by you.

“Yeah, you too.” You sighed as you looked down at your hands, fidgeting with your fingers.

Much to your surprise, he didn’t immediately take a seat in front of the computer. Instead, he pulled up his chair so that he was sitting directly in front of you as you sat on the examination table.

“How’ve you been?” He asked, leaning down in an attempt to look you in the eyes.

In a matter of moments, everything began coming back. All the sadness and anger flooded within you and your eyes began burning with tears. You quickly wiped them away though. You didn’t want him to see you break. The desire to run was at an all time high, but you couldn’t. You felt cornered and although he wasn’t literally holding you hostage, you felt as if you were trapped.

“I’m fine, Jungkook.” You snapped as you looked up at him. “What are you even doing here?”

“I came back.” He sighed. “I made a big mistake. I should’ve never even left.”

“Well, you did. And you ran off with your associate without a second thought.”

“It wasn’t like that, Y/N.” He whispered.

“Then what was it, Jungkook? Do you have any idea how badly you hurt me?” Your voice cracked.

“I know, Y/N, and I am so sorry for everything. If I could take it all back, I would. Please, believe me.” He said as his own eyes appeared to be filling with tears.

“Why did you run away?” You questioned, voice barely above a whisper.

“Because I thought that I’d get over you sooner. I thought that if I forced myself to be with someone else, that I wouldn’t want to be with you anymore. I was wrong, Y/N. It just made me feel worse.” He admitted, tears now falling from his eyes.

You wanted to wipe his tears away and hold him. You wanted to tell him that everything was fine and that you forgave him, but it wasn’t fine and you couldn’t bring yourself to forgive him. No matter how much you tried not to be, you were still so angry with him.

“It might’ve made you feel worse, Jungkook, but think about how shitty and disposable you made me feel.” You told him.

“I know, baby.” He whispered as he gently embraced your hands within his own. Quickly correcting himself. “I mean, Y/N. I know and I’ll never forgive myself for that. If I could go back in time and fix everything, I would. I would give up everything if it meant that I could have you again.” He finished, squeezing your hands gently.

As you looked into his eyes, all of the anger and resentment you felt towards him began to fade. Sincerity was written all over his face and you knew how much this breakup had affected him too. You weren’t sure if you could even really blame him for how he attempted to move on. You needed isolation, whereas he needed company.

“I would never ask you to give up everything, Jungkook.” You sighed as your thumb rubbed circles on the back of his hand.

“I know you wouldn’t, but if that’s what it takes then so be it. Just give me a chance to make it right, Y/N. Let me prove to you that I can do better. I still love you. I never stopped.” He pleaded.

“I still love you too, Jungkook.” You began.

You felt as if you had a demon on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The demon telling you to cuss him out and leave him sitting in this room. The angel telling you to follow your heart and to give him another chance to make things right. Ultimately, the angel was winning.

“We can try again, but not where we left off. I want us to start from the beginning.” You told him. You’d changed so much since the breakup and you could only imagine that he had as well.

“I can work with that.” He smiled brightly, causing you to giggle at how happy he looked.

“Good. Now, let’s not forget that I came here for a checkup.” You laughed, suddenly remembering what brought you here in the first place.

“Right!” He quickly stood up and gathered himself.

He completed the rest of the examination. Refusing to let a nurse take over when you needed your blood drawn. He was going to take care of you, and no one else was going to get in the middle of that.

As the appointment came to an end, he helped you stand up from the table. Your arms resting on his shoulders as his hands kept a protective hold on your waist. You weren’t sure if it was appropriate, but you didn’t care. As his deep brown eyes stared down at you, the feeling became overwhelming. So, you gave into it. Slowly leaning up and connecting your lips with his own.

The kiss was brief, but it held all of the longing and regret that the two of you had felt over the last three years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After checking out, Jungkook insisted on walking to your car. The two of you agreed to go on your “first” date tonight. Giving you a chance to really get to know each other once again.

“So, I’ll see you later.” He smiled. His hands rested in the pockets of his white jacket as he shifted his weight from the front to the back of his heels. A nervous tick you’d caught onto throughout the years.

“See you later, Jungkook.” You said, quickly giving him another kiss before getting into your car.

He watched as you pulled away, waving at you until your car was no longer in sight. Things would never be exactly the same as they once had been between you two, but that didn’t matter anymore. What mattered is that you were trying again. Leaving the past in the past and focusing on the future as you built a new connection. One that was stronger and more secure. One that couldn’t be broken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[chaostroberry1]

heyy, how are you doing❔i hope everything is going well for you and that you are having a good day/evening 🤍

may i request romantic ror x reader in this comical yet cute scenario where bf is lying his head on his partner’s tummy to relax but the stomach just won’t shut up?? i once watched a video of a couple doing this and the bf complained with a “why is your stomach talking so much shit today?” which made me cackle 😭 i think it was adorable honestly. you can make it either a story or headcanons, whatever you would like❕

characters would be thor, hades and poseidon🤍

Hello anon!! Thank you for the request!! This is actually so cute and funny to think about🤭

ROR Men with darling's talkative belly

Thor, hades, Poseidon

Thor

- he had just finished doing some stuff and running errands for himself around the place. That being- striking fear into those who walked passed him.

-ofc he needed a place to rest. And like any strong soldier/fighter, he chose eto rest at the best place. Your stomach.

- you didn't mind, as long as he was comfortable, things like these always came as a surprise for those who witness it, not really like they can say anything about it tho.

-all of a sudden, you hear him speak. "It's so talkative.."

- you laugh at his complaint, telling him "it's just In a good mood."

- he let out a hum, continuing to listen to whatever was going on inside of there, giving it a small kiss before closing his eyes and resting.

- he liked hearing you breathe, anything that had something to do with you was always his medicine. It healed him in a way, both spiritually and physically.

- like he could be bleeding out, but as long as you give him a kiss, he's all fine.

- going back to him resting on you, his arms tighten around you even more, but not in a way to hurt your fragile figure.

- you were probably gonna be stuck in that position for a while ..

Hades

- hades had finished doing some work, regarding stuff from the underworld and letters from his dear brother zues about meetings that he needed to attend in Valhalla.

- he wanted to soothe his nerves, and what better way to do that when he can go visit you?

- you were the only thing he could look forward to in the boring and lonely place of the underworld. You were the light he seemed whenever he was consumed by darkness.

- He walked over to you, in the big bedroom, immediately cuddling into you after a long day of work. Just what he needed.

- he planted a kiss on your face before sinking into the soft mound of flesh. Staying quiet until...

"you have quite the talkative belly, dearest."

- he let out a chuckle when you responded with, "it's just very excited that you're here."

- "shall it be then."

- he loved listening to it, no complaints made unlike the other two if yk what I mean.

- maybe one day, you'll have an actual mini human inside your belly for him to listen to--

- okay let's not go that far. You guys still have so much time before that happens. But it WILL happen, once everything is prepared. And once you both are ready.

- he'd listen to your belly, and then go like-

"it has a point."

- as long as it's you, he won't mind. He loves you very much, and he will make sure eto keep it that way forever.

- he likes to put kisses on your belly, or rub circles on it, just for fun. The bond between you two— and the belly ig — was strong.

...

- he sighs softly, closing his eyes and sleeping. He knew he'd have such a good rest after this.

Poseidon

- "why is your stomach talking so much shit today?"

- yeah straight to the point here we are. Bro has beef with your belly.

- it was so noisy and wouldn't stop yapping at all. Reminds him of two brothers of his...(Adamas and zues. if yk, you know.)

- and this man was not patient. He was not gonna take this level of disrespect from a mound of flesh. How dare it do such.

- call him dramatic, but he ain't taking it.

- I bet he'd randomly rant to it about his day, while your fingers softly caress his hair. Like didn't he just complain about it being noisy?

- I know dam well there would be moments where he'd randomly take pauses, letting the belly speak, before continuing to rant.

- he didn't like how it talked so much shit, for a belly, it really knew how to speak it's words, didn't it?

- you were his angel, but that thing was a demon. How dare it.

- you'd just giggle and listen to him. Him and that stomach of yours really had a telepathic connection, huh?

- he slowly dosed off to sleep, after his nightly session of ranting. Sleeping soundly, still laying on your stomach.

[ticklygiggles]

Definitely not a sleepover | Uenoyama, Hiiragi & Shizusumi

A/N: Second to last fic commissioned by Max (@wertzunge)! Thank you so much for your patience and support Max! I hope you enjoy this one! Thank you for inspiring me to finish Given hehe. I hope they're not too ooc!

Summary: He could have been spending the night with Mafuyu, but why was Uenoyama stuck with these two?!

Words: 1k+

Uenoyama couldn't believe that he really swallowed every word Hiiragi said to convince him to spend the night at his house.

“It's going to be a very special night training, Ue! You cannot, by all means, miss it. Otherwise you'll be a trashy guitarist.” 

Special night training my ass! Uenoyama thought as he found himself in front of the tv in Hiiragi's room. He wasn't quite sure when it happened, but when he realized, Hiiragi had put on a musical and the three of them had gathered under the kotatsu, a large bowl of popcorn in the middle of the table. Not even twenty minutes into the movie, huge tears were already streaming down Hiiragi’s cheeks and he wiped the snot off his upper lip with the sleeve of his sweater. 

On the other hand… Shizusumi next to Hiiragi watched the movie with disinterest, Uenoyama thought even boredom, while he stuffed his mouth with popcorn, his cheeks puffing out like a squirrel's, and when he had swallowed the bite, he gobbled down a chocolate bar or a bag of chips. 

This was ridiculous! When was that stupid training going to start?! Of course never! Uenoyama had been fooled! Feeling like the vein in his forehead was about to burst with every sniffle he heard from Hiiragi, Uenoyama stood up, grabbing his jacket. 

“Since I see you two are very busy with your special training or whatever, I'm leaving!” 

“Huh?!”

Tch! To think he had to give up the chance to have a sleepover with Mafuyu just because of Hiiragi's silly games. He's so infuriating! 

“I don't have the time to waste it with you. I have things to do and- ack!”

Something closed around his ankle and prevented him from taking another step; Uenoyama fell face first against the wooden floor and gasped as he felt a pillow saving him from a blow that could have possibly killed him. Face flushed with anger, he turned around and saw Hiiragi gripping his ankle tightly. He opened his mouth to shout something, but instead of a scream, almost hysterical laughter came out as he felt fingers wiggling underneath his socked toes. 

Hiiragi was tickling him?! 

“What- AHAHA! S-Stohop! What ahare you d-dohoing?!” Uenoyama tried to wriggle his foot out of Hiiragi's grip, but it seemed like he had an iron shackle around his ankle. Hiiragi skittered his fingers up and down Uenoyama’s sole, tickling the ball, the arch, the heel and under and between his toes. 

Uenoyama had always been a ticklish person, his sister had made sure to remind him about that during most of his childhood, but as they started to grow up, the one sided tickle fights had stopped and Uenoyama barely got tickled after that, but it seemed that no matter how much time could pass, he would always be a ticklish. 

“You cannot go, Ue,” Hiiragi said with a mischievous grin on his face as Uenoyama squirmed and banged his fists against the floor. “This is actually a special training for you! We decided to teach you how to smile more, otherwise, you see, Mafuyu will stop loving you, right, Shizu-chan?” 

“Mhmm,” Shizusumi hummed uninterested, his eyes still fixed on the tv and his mouth full of popcorn. 

Uenoyama growled, “YOU-! He w-wohon’t- ack!” He squealed embarrassingly loud when he felt Hiiragi’s fingers climbing up his leg, his thumbs pressing against the back of his knees and rubbing at the muscles, making Uenoyama cackle.

“Look at that, Shizu-chan! Uenoyama really can laugh! I thought it was impossible!” 

“S-Stohop tickling mehe!” Ritsuka thought he never hated being ticklish that much until that moment.

A deep blush was spreading across his cheeks and no matter how hard he tried to stop laughing, the cackles would easily escape from between his lips as Hiiragi scribbled at the back of his knees. Uenoyama didn't even know he was ticklish there, which added more to his embarrassment. He made sure to write down the spot on his mental list of embarrassingly ticklish spots on his body. 

“H-Hiirahahagi, you b-better s-stop or ehehelse- ahaha! N-Not there! Nohohot there!”

Hiiragi's nimble fingers found his ribs next and Uenoyama laughter not only increased in volume, but it also became more frantic and panicky, making his laugh sound high pitched. 

“You're doing very well, Ue!” Hiiragi said, chuckling mischievously to himself. “At this rate, Mafuyu will not hate you anymore!” 

Uenoyama growled again. Since when did Mafuyu hate him?! Gathering all the strength he could, he was able to lift himself a little and throw Hiiragi off him. The other boy fell on his back and whined before suddenly startled laughter poured out of him. 

“AHAHAHA! N-Noho! I'm s-sohorry! I'm sorry! Sh-Shihizu-chahan! Hehelp!” 

Uenoyama laughed evilly, in the heat of the moment, he even straddled Hiiragi's waist, his fingers going to town all over his torso, jumping from his ribs to his tummy and then to his sides and even under his arms. Hiiragi looked almost childish, his cheeks were pink and his mouth was stretched out into a bright, happy smile. 

He can smile like that, huh? Uenoyama thought, perhaps a bit too distracted to notice Hiiragi's fingers coming closer and closer to his ribs until it was too late and he found himself cackling again as Hiiragi pushed him off and pinned him.

“You want to play, huh? Let's see if you- AHAHAHA!” 

Uenoyama wasn't sure how, but this whole situation had become a war. In one moment he had the upper hand, tickling Hiiragi until he was shrieking, but at the next, he was the one squealing and laughing his head off. Some other times it was the two of them filling the tiny room with hysterical peals of laughter as they both squeezed the other's sides or ribs. 

But, Uenoyama had to admit it, he was simply too ticklish, and Hiiragi had found that rib that always made him see stars. He thought he was going to die laughing. It was such a shame he didn't get to say goodbye to Mafuyu and his family. What an embarrassing thing it would say in his epitaph: 'Beloved son, brother and boyfriend. Died from a tickle attack.' That was a bit- 

“Ack! Sh-Shizu-chan?! I was getting Ue, why- ack! Aaag! Nohoho! STOHOP!”

Uenoyama was too busy trying to stop the giggles still pouring out and catching his breath to notice that Hiiragi was currently suffering an attack just as intense as the one he was subjected to. When he finally could sit up, he saw Shizusumi pinning Hiiragi's arms under his knees, his hands lost inside the short sleeves of Hiiragi's shirt, his fingers digging into his armpits. 

Poor Hiiragi was pink in the face, laughing hysterically and kicking his legs like a mad man. Uenoyama almost felt bad for him, but he deserved it for being so annoying. Shizusumi had probably had enough of his noise and silly games, but Uenoyama jumped in fright when Shizusumi turned to look at him with some kind of smirk on his lips. 

“Hiiragi was too mean right now, wasn't he, Uenoyama?” 

He looked so scary!

“U-Uh… yes.”

“I wasn't! I wahahasn’t, plehease!” 

“Why don't you come here and help me get him back, hmm?” Shizusumi invited him, his fingers not stopping for even a second. “If you're brave enough, you can tickle his hips, he's very ticklish there as well.” 

Hiiragi begged not to and that was enough to convince Uenoyama. The guitarist smirked and sat over Hiiragi's legs, his hands latching to the other's hips, pinching and squeezing until Hiiragi was in hysterics. His laughter was kind of nice, just like his singing voice. Uenoyama thought that Shizusumi and him were making him sing in some kind of way and that made him chuckle softly.

“You can also try his stomach. Right in the center, yes. You can vibrate your fingers- yes, just like that.”

“Sh-Shizu-chaHAN! D-dohon't be m-mehean! I'm dyiHIHIng!” 

“Behind his ribs as well.”

“Shizuhuhusumi!” 

Hiiragi was tickled until no laughter came out and Uenoyama got worried his voice would get damaged from laughing so much and so hard, but Shizusumi reassured him, saying that he usually tickled him like that and he could sing perfectly well afterwards. Uenoyama was not surprised at all, that sounded very ‘Hiiragi’, after all. 

He watched the poor vocalist sprawled against the floor, breathing heavily with his arms still above his head, although Shizusumi wasn't holding him down anymore. He was just slightly sweaty, and blushing to his ears, but overall looked fine and the smile on his face just refused to disappear. Uenoyama could feel his own lips curling into a little smile as well, but he stubbornly tried to hide it. 

“Hey, Ue,” Hiiragi called him, still laying on his back, a bit breathless. “What about I show you where exactly Mafuyu's most ticklish spot is?” Uenoyama perked at that and he nodded. Hiiragi smirked. “Hehe, I'll even teach you how to tickle him right, and our kind Shizu-chan will help us.”

Uenoyama looked at Shizumi, confused. The drummer was staring daggers at Hiiragi and Hiiragi was smirking at him. 

“Because, you see, Mafuyu and Shizu-chan here share tickle spots.” 

At that, Shizusumi got up at once, startling Uenoyama. He was ready to run out of the room, but Hiiragi caught him before he did so, and made him fall face first just like he did to Uenoyama. He was quick to straddle him and Uenoyama was surprised when he heard Shizusumi’s laughter. High-pitched nothing like his usual voice, but still a bit too deep to sound scary.

“C'mon, Ue! You'll definitely make Mafuyu the happiest if you know these secrets I want to tell you!” 

Uenoyama blinked, seeing the scene before him and wondering what the hell was happening, but it didn't really matter. He smiled and nodded, holding Shizusumi's arms as Hiiragi told him all about how to tickle Mafuyu in that spot that was making Shizusumi lose his head. 

He definitely was not expecting this evening to go like this– after all he was there for a special course or whatever… but he couldn't lie and say he wasn't having fun. Well, a sleepover with Hiiragi and Shizusumi wasn't too bad after all!