#i love how im posting this and telling on myself so i can then go to sleep and then wake back up at like 8:30 skdvksdjbsjd
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sisters cinderpelt and brightheart
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#brightheart#cinderpelt#warriors#warrior cats#wc art#waca#wc#GODDDD GODDDDD im so unbelievably proud of this you have no idea. i almost considered just posting the flat bc i didnt know how#to go about rendering but i just did it slowly and bit by bit and im SO glad i did im so impressed with myself#i got new brushes halfway into this and ohhh my god you can tell i fell in love with them#ive got three more of these lined up w different characters#i was gonna do a pmv and then i did the backgrounds and then i scrapped them but saved them so i got a few characters to draw ^_^#this is so much fun but it takes a lot of time but tbh. its worth it#i know this will get hidden in the tags but this will be on my redbubble
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AU where Brent is a drone to help out at crime scenes and offer input after Right finds the drone. And basically he befriends the really weird guy possibly controlling the drone but has his doubts as to how human the drone's source can be. So Right and Brent just go around trying to solve crimes while Right just calls the drone "Fuckwad (affectionate)".
#my characters#i love right so much and i think he would actually do pretty dang well with a lil assistant drone because not a person#which means not liable to get hurt with a bit of contact so he can just#tap the lil drone or poke it to push it away a little#anyway hi i had a very VERY bad morning and im not gonna lie#i was genuinely at one point thinking huh what if i get hospitalized that sure would suck#and i was thinking huh maybe i should think of how to instruct my mom on how to post on tumblr to tell you guys im hospitalized#which in my defense i had to bother my mom at 2am bc i went down to get pain meds and couldnt make it upstairs#and was breathing so intensely on the stairs hunched over i was like hmmmm not the usual panic attack feelings#and she immediately asked me if i wanted to go to the hospital#so im like cool not gonna let that outta my mind thats fine surely no problem#just gonna fixate on being hospitalized#anyway i finally got helped upstairs and was in incredible pain and couldnt breathe v easily#and it was leading to a bit of a panic attack because i was in so much pain simply trying to inhale and#my breathing was so shallow and sharp and my arms were just having bad circulation and shaking and hm#yeah it was p bad#anyway as a treat to myself not being in a hospital i drew my beloved raccoon son right
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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but
its hard
#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me#violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe#kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her#saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again#vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts#plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this#you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes#UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there#i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even#if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself#i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive#twdg#violentine#it speaks
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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did my loveless ace self really just sink three hours of my life into a fucking dating sim?
#yes and i will do it again because i will SCORE all the POINTS and WIN at LOVE#ok good at least you can still tell im ace haha#listen i watched ddadds polarize this entire hellsite when it was a thing but i didnt have money at the time#so i saw it was 15 bucks of my adult technical degree money and decided to experience it for myself#to add to my aceness im just messaging all the dads methodically in the order they are displayed and got about halfway through#so far ive gotten S on every date except mat and that B is going to haunt my sleep#im an achiever when i play video games can you tell#the 'one chance at everything' vibe is kind of exciting in the moment sometimes and i get invested#and whats good about playing this game in adulthood is i can feel personally attacked by every old man bad knee joke#in a way i just wouldn't have in 2016 or whatever#i just love how pastel my ps4 menu is... my taste in books/movies/music is sgt sprinkes pinkie pie and my taste in games is canon pinkie pi#rhythm games and... apparently... this#ddadds#so the family of my increasingly less cryptic posts is all together
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not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something
#kazoo noises#like yeah this was supposed to be a job i COULD get. i thought bc like. i was going into the field bc i loved the work and not bc i couldnt#make it into academia (fuck u alt-ac term users yall are snobs) id like maybe be able to cobble it together bc like. im good at doing work.#i can usually make something happen and i got a good attitude. but jesus ive got one year left and every job app comes back negative if the#even bother to respond#like idk man. i knew iwasnt gonna be making money or shit and i knew it was gonna be rough but like. everyone else i meet already has a gig#or at least like gig adjacent. volunteer or field experience or internship and like. i cant get anything to stick. its not like ive done#nothing either? ive worked extensively with small scale exhibition design. i have worked extensively with special collections libraries.#i have literal years worth of research experience from college. i have an entirely customer service based resume thats not academic so i#can handle a patron (and crucially different from my peers: I WANT TO)#i can organize. i can write and design labels. i can communicate. i can handle special collections objects. i can make ANY microfilm reader#work for me even when it doesnt want to#and im not saying my classmates arent qualified. but like. surely this has to amount to something. i have been so stupidly lucky#to have even half the experiences i do. i have variety in my degree that even some of my classmates would kill for i think. i did. so much.#i have had so many advantages and i like to think i use them well and that i am grateful for them. but why cant i make that shit connect???#my resume is good. im reliable. i want to work more than anything. so why cant i get a call back???#legitimately how much longer do i get to keep telling myself i a not the common denominator here#sorry for diary posting but im prepping to walk to the house tour and planning what job apps i can fill out when i get back and literally.#just like. why do i bother. i should have just held my nose and done the online only program in state. i'd probably spend less time rotting#god being 23 fucking sucks. it is going to be better. im literally just barely an adult. this cant be it and it wont be it. but jesus. i go#over having to beg for a rejection letter about ten months ago when i still felt like i had a shot at these experiences
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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.
when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.
but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.
#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL#ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as#possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch#i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my#peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts#i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont#even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a#part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know#there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem#for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes#im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times#anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better#than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be#that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a#good person it is within ur hands i promise u#ok love u goodnight#personal
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Snap, ur basically a microceleberty on a tumblr blog. I would be surprised if your inbox WASN'T utter chaos with the amount of fandoms you're in.
dont call me a microcelebrity it's going to do irreparable damage to my ego and im going to become even more insufferable
#snap chats#HONESTLY ILL BE TBH RN something mustve shifted in the water cause only now are my RGG asks gettin wild#can we imagine the chaos if i actually did keep all my shit to one blog My Fucking God#see thats why i make new blogs tho to keep it all organized and so i can give the ecosystem time to heal before im found again :)#and then my inbox explodes#NO BUT REAL TALK REAL TALK i love how i can tell who's been on my trail and who legit just got here#cause people who Just Got Here ask me like#'actual' questions about the series or want to expand on a topic from the series#and then the people who been here are sending me asks abot king of skill and fire emblem#i love it it's a beautiful thing#but anyway to the 'microcelebrity' thing id hardly call myself that if i may be modest and/or an idiot#it never feels like it- i mean i get a lot of asks so that's one thing#i guess it's cause i never see myself mentioned outside my spaces which.#thatd imply im looking for people to say things about me..... which im not good god dont perceive me#at most i know someone reposted my DB animatic to reddit and that blew up#and i know the RGG reddit takes my posts a lot. So I've Heard#but thats about it- my bubble is generally still very small i never really get much attention outside of here#tho i wouldnt expect people from reddit to make a twitter or log on to twitter just to message me#idk where this ramble's going 'microcelebrity' triggered my brain and now im sharing every thought ive had bout possibily being one#feels conceited to say i am one tho. but it also seems facetious to /not/ partially admit to at least being recognizable in some spaces#ok NOW im stopping this ramble i dont know where im going i have class soon and i dont wanna go#i will tho. dont skip class kids
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oh i fucked up. ohhhh i fucked uuuuup. oh it's four in the morning bro i fuuuucked up.
#shut up kell#A FIC ATE ME. I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN EXCUSE I'VE READ THIS FIC LIKE AT L E A S T TWENTY TIMES ALREADY. MAYBE MORE#i love how im posting this and telling on myself so i can then go to sleep and then wake back up at like 8:30 skdvksdjbsjd#im not even tired. this is bad this is very very bad this is REALLY bad....#(they just can't get my nose right!)#<- heeheehee direct tangled quote moment#okay bye im gonna go get some kinda shut eye
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DEVASTATED. bunch of my tags on that texty post got cut off . meaning it doesnt have ALL of what i said
#not gonna adjust it bc it works as is#and tbh . maybe for the better#look . ik the 'i love being a hater' stuff is more common now and i think its GOOD ppl are allowing themselves to dislike stuff#bc thats good!!! self expression is GOOD#but i myself dont wanna do that Personally!#just not my style of things#but id be lying if i said there. ARENT things i go -_- at#and i didnt get fully into that in those tags! just briefly alluded#but also the idea of pissing off more. strict osc members is daunting#i DO have more Stubborn and Angry ideas but those are ONLY unveiled in private#or when i dont think itll possibly piss people off#mostly bc of like. subjectivity and personal stuff! not many peoples business yknow :)#and also i generally just try to curate an environment thatll make people MORE happy#or if itll be upsetting its bc its artistic . you know how it is#im getting off track. hopefully this post makes sense!#(also i CAN tell what the tags were originally abt if asked if so desired but otherwise.#it stays between me and my friends who are kind and listen to me ramble :D)
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no because like WHY does my stepdad have to make mean comments about LITERALLY EVERYTHING I DO !! sir what did i do to you...
#musings#sorry for being vulnerable i will go back to silly guy posting soon but like......#if i start passionately talking about something at dinner hes like ''eughhhh no one cares just stop talking about that already''#or if i try to tell everyone about my day hes like ''no one wants to hear a play by play of your day'' ..... and its always the condensed#version of my day. i usually just say what i learned in each class (because i love learning!!) and something funny my friends did...#or if i share a cool event that happened each day he always rolls his eyes and just. hes always SO dismissive of everything i care about!!#and i literally dont know what his problem is!!#and he holds me to this like crazy standard?? so if i need help on my work or if im struggling with a subject im somehow#extorting my parents skills so they can do my homework for me? like im just facetiming my dad so he can explain how this math works....#even though i LOVE doing work and if i understood it i would do it myself!! without any help!#I DONT GET IT! WHAT DID I DO TO THIS 52 YEAR OLD MAN!!
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angst digging turned into genuine enjoyment of seeing the kind of kid i was back then. hyperactive, dramatic, funny... and also so achingly sad. there’s a special kind of melancholy that comes from seeing a kid being very goofy then in the next breath genuinely fantasizing about being struck by lightning. it makes my heart ache for the lost joy of the time.
#speculation nation#i can be a little hyperactive sometimes still. jokingly dramatic. and maybe even a bit funny#but from my posts back then it seemed like i was bouncing off the walls 24/7#but it's so heart wrenching to see this 18 year old being completely jovial#then turning around and making deep posts about how awful i felt about my life#things still arent perfect. but i wish i could just#reach through time. cup the face of littler me. and tell them It Will Be Okay#it all feels so horrible and dramatic when youre in the midst of it all#far too young to be dealing with any of it. multitasking worrying about a spanish test & trying not to kill yourself#i was so convinced that i was a bad person. *they* convinced me i was a bad person.#but i was just a struggling teen. i wish i had even a fraction of the compassion i now feel for myself back then#sometimes i can still be a little hard on myself. but then i remember how things were#and as obnoxious as i ultimately was. i love that little twerp.#this began as an angst dive but has devolved into me really realizing how much i love myself#it's easier to feel love for the past me. for the me so young. but they're still with me in the end#im a different person. but not That different.#i'll keep going. make a life for us that little me could be proud of.#suicide ment/
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also while im talking about normal things i think about. its fun to imagine what ud do in a time loop
#my post#especially in the context of it being a story#(can you tell whos in front rn. lmao)#i would start out very excited. i love time loops. i also would purposefully change it up every time#and accidentally change it up too. bc i have a dogshit memory. idk what i did yesterday#so why would i remember what i did last loop in vivid detail#+ i have music. i could just listen to different music every time and that would keep me sane enough#what i like abt time loops. tbh. is the freedom it gives you. ironically#bc as long as its not like a Super Important Day with Super Important Plans then like. you *could* just do whatever#like. no consequences. life turns into an open world game.#i could teach myself how to drive and make it gta. i could get a hammer and start breakin shit. limitless possibilities#there are so many wikipedia articles to read. so many ins and outs of the world to learn#and eventually id figure out how to get out probably. hopefully not on a loop where im doing particularly consequential things#after my arc in which i go mad with power i would go back to normal. i think i could manage that. i think after a certain point#the starting point would become a restraint. and youd run out of fun new things to do#id probably end the time loops rlly tired. but satisfied maybe
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i hgoupe I'm The roller guy to yall
#I'm srs I need recognition for things I like#I NEED TO BE Known That I like This thing#Not famous but#I'M!! THE ENJOYUER...#I can get like that with clash around friends in general but I keep it lows#But in Tghe fandom. I'm srs I may avoid ppl if I'm like#Man pplproly see them as the Roller guy hahaha they're popular and draw Tghe guy a lot and nobody likes me and#Help me#It's so dark here#What mental illness is causing this#ITS SO COLD....#WHERE AM I... IM SHOEING NEGATIVE MENTAL ILLNESS....#I will go crazy reaches to get recognized for a Thing usually by Overworking On Fanart#But also I'm just a perfectionist also so that doesn't help either#And then oops haha adhd make me NOT feel rewarded for ANYTHING and it's ALL MISERY#At least friends are nice and love me and I feel great Showing Stuff and Them Telling me stuff#But I generally feel disliked by people#I may just be over thinking but I can't shake off the feeling that people murmur about me negatively. Oh it's the annoying lame guy bitch#I think people also don't like me because I talk too much I get personal in art posts and I talk a lot#People tend to ignore that#And idk#I have friends who love me and I love them and that means more than anyrhing#But seeing anyone get recognized for Liking Thing makes me#Seriously want to do physical harm to myself sometimes and that's not a joke#I suffer Self Bite when Stressed. I don't know how to Regulate Sometimes.#Why do you think I block so many ppl and whine abt it#I get jealous upset at nothing feeling threatened. sometimes yea ppl post genuinely triggering stuff but half the time I'm just like#HIISS. HISSSS#HiiIIISSS#I need to have my brain cleaned and changed for a better one this isn't kt
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