#i love when twice release fun songs

[solojihyo]

guys hare hare is so good

[salaimoi]

𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 — 𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝒆𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒔𝒚𝒑𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒔] after his wife’s death, you became toji fushiguro’s only reliant shoulder. however, unbeknownst to you, your deceased friend’s ex-husband had ulterior motives in mind when he began to pursue you.

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆] angst

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒘𝒄] 2.k

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔] yellow is reader’s pov, blue is toji’s pov. it might sound repetitive and rushed bc i just wanted to get this out of my drafts. i know billie’s song came out like ages ago so it wouldn’t make sense to release this any later than it already is

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Things fall apart, and time breaks your heart. I wasn't there, but I know.

toji always reassured you a million times; he wasn’t heartbroken over his split with his ex-wife, not in the slightest. he rarely opened up about his past, let alone his previous relationships. and yet, deep down, you knew he hadn’t properly processed their rupture.

the most he ever disclosed to you was the fact that there was nothing left to salvage in his old relationship — so he moved on, and so did she. 

but was that the entire truth? 

you noticed the prolonged glances he would take when opening his wallet. the empty look behind his eyes when he stared down at his naked ring finger. even the faint sniffling at night that he tried convincing you were nothing more than allergies. but you knew he was silently mourning her. 

her – the real love of his life.

She was my girl. I showed her the world, but fell out of love and we both let go. ⋆࿐

i made it my life goal to tend to her happiness. the only reason for my very existence was to see that she had everything she could ever want. hell, that’s the only thing i’ve ever been good at.

i never kept anything from her — except my line of work. i couldn’t bring myself to tell her the man she fell in love with was a deadbeat mercenary who bathed in the blood of others for a living. as much as i tried to protect her from that side of my life, she eventually went digging her nose where it wasn’t needed. 

the aftermath of her discovering the truth about my hidden agenda came at the price of our relationship. 

she couldn’t withstand the constant pain of being by my side any longer, to turn in bed only to see a bastard by her side. she wholeheartedly believed that the man that now stood before her was no longer the one she fell in love with. 

somehow i didn’t blame her.

She was cryin’ on my shoulder. All I could do was hold her.

i still remember it so vividly — how her body trembled against mine like a leaf. tears coursed down her cheeks as she clung to me like a lifeline, seeking comfort in the midst of her anguish. as selfish as it may sound, the weight of her sorrow became almost too much to bear. 

i couldn't offer excuses or apologies; these were empty gestures that wouldn't alleviate the agony she felt at that moment. instead, i stood there, silently holding her, offering my presence as the only comfort.

the guilt washed over me in waves as i cradled her, feeling her heart shatter a little more with each sob. i knew i was the cause of her pain, yet i couldn’t tell her the whole truth. all i could do was hold her, wishing i could undo the past.

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Only made us closer until July.

the moment he began pursuing you when enough time had gone by, it immediately felt wrong. he was your friend’s ex-husband, after all. toji had never looked at you twice before, and now, he suddenly had lustful eyes for you? 

you eventually conceded because you wanted to be there for him, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had no ulterior motives. but one way or another, every conversation at dinner circled back to her. 

“oh she loved mashed potatoes.” 

“fun fact, she had a strawberry allergy.” 

“did you know this brand of vanilla ice cream was her favorite?”

and as much as it pained you, you became a reliant ear for him — someone who would listen to all the little details he swore he had forgotten the day she divorced him. even if every bone in your body wanted to run in the opposite direction, far, far away from him, you stayed. 

maybe all he needs is time, you told yourself.

right?

Now I know that you love me. You don't need to remind me. I should put it all behind me, shouldn't I? ⋆࿐

your affection always remained a constant in my turbulent world, like a gentle rain that falls softly even amidst the storm. but the longer the internal storm went on, the more ravenous the regret and guilt raged on. i found myself unable to fully comprehend the depth of your love for me, but deep down, i knew that your love was unwavering. 

i knew that in order to truly move on, i had to let go of the past and embrace the present; you represented that fresh start i so urgently needed. but the thought of her still lingered, a constant reminder of what once was but should no longer be. it was as if i was being consumed by my own memories, unable to break free. as if a part of me still longed for the past. 

the weight of my conflicting emotions burdened my every waking moment, leading me to push you away with no explanation. feelings for the both of you coexisted, and i couldn't fully commit to one without betraying the other. every time i looked at you, guilt would wash over me for putting you through this hell.

 likewise, every time i looked at her picture, i felt like a traitor for ever moving on as soon as i did.

But I see her in the back of my mind all the time. Just like a fever, like I’m burning alive, like a sign. ⋆࿐

beneath the mask of indifference, i was plagued by shame. it was hard to accept that the girl who once consumed my thoughts was no longer part of my life, and looking at you, i realized that your love knew no bounds; that wasn’t enough for me. 

i hadn’t stopped loving her. 

it felt like a fever that never broke. an unrelenting heat that burned deep inside me, reminding me of the girl who dwelled in the back of my mind all those years ago.

every word about my past, every little detail about my ex, felt like a confession at church – a church where my sins would be revealed to the world. 

talking about my past wouldn’t magically absolve me of my past, now would it? redemption was never an option for me, and i wasn’t asking for it. instead of trying to cleanse myself of my history, i decided to leave it all behind like a forgotten box in an attic. 

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Well, good things don't last, and life moves so fast. I'd never ask who was better 'cause she couldn't be more different from me.

he told you to let it go — to let it die like she did that fateful day. it was no use keeping her memory alive, he said, but if that was the case, why did he take her last name months later? 

not to mention they spent years together — even conceived a child together; a child he named after her, but that detail never seemed to make its way to you. 

everyone told you to stop comparing yourself, but how could you not? she was everything you weren’t even after death: soft spoken, graceful, gentle, patient, loving. 

you didn’t dare ask such a redundant question so you didn’t voice it, but your continuous comparison to her was eating you alive; toji noticed it. you hadn’t slept with him in almost a month, internally afraid he’ll blurt out her name instead of yours.

𓂃 ོ𓂃 And I know that you love me. you don't need to remind me.

he went out of his way to send more ‘i love u’ messages than before; they seemed forced, just like your relationship. 

she had previously informed you of things that found their way to the most profound recesses of your mind. you didn’t flinch at the time, because you were mesmerized that he did such things for her, but it affected you later on. 

you learned bitter truths that made you doubt his love for you. and when you finally realized he didn’t do any of the things she spoke of, it dawned on you; toji didn’t love you. 

not like he loved her. 

𓂃 ོ𓂃 You say no one knows you so well but every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt.

you’d stay up late at night countless times wondering what toji’s affectionate touch actually felt like. it was something only she ever knew, and you’d do anything to get a semblance of that feeling. 

but it was obvious no one knows the real him — not like she did.

despite everything, you decided to give this relationship one last try by booking a hotel for the both of you. everything inside you screamed that it was a horrible idea, but you did it anyway.

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Valentine's Day, cryin’ in the hotel. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself.

and he finally did it. he mistakenly blurted out her name on the most romantic day of the year. 

“i-i’m sorry.” toji rushed to apologize, grabbing a hold of your arm so you wouldn’t walk out the door.

“I wonder, do you see HER in the back of your mind, in my eyes!?” was the only thing you could force yourself to reply in that moment, breaking away from his grip in the process.  

“i do,” toji dejectedly admits with a hint of sorrow behind his voice. or was it indignity?

he pauses, absentmindedly digging his nails into the tender flesh of his balled up fist as he grapples with his conscience. all along, he knew the day to finally hold himself accountable would come, but he didn’t think it would’ve been like this. 

his mind involuntarily wandered, and in the depths of your gaze, he saw glimpses of his deceased wife — a ghost that lingered in the back of his subconscious even after all this time.  

memories of her flood his mind, and for a brief moment, the both of you merge into one — his past and present colliding into one. the familiar shade of your irises, the identical shine behind them, the bright glimmer of light behind them when you smiled — all of it brought a pang of bittersweet nostalgia to him. 

silence overtook the room like a storm, and with it, your heart. so he does see a reflection of his dead wife when he stares into your eyes — the eyes he promised captivated him to no bounds. 

“was all of it a lie, then?” 

“no.” 

“how was it not a lie, toji?”

“it wasn’t a lie, doll-“ 

“don’t call me that.” you interrupt him with words almost sharp enough to cut him, a slight tremble behind your voice. 

tears immediately welled up in the delicate corners of your eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. his expression softened at the sight; however, his reluctance to approach you remained. he knew he was the reason behind your hurt, just like he was the cause of hers all that time ago. history does indeed repeat itself, doesn’t it? 

he wished he could find the words that would help ease your pain — the exhaustion and heartache you felt. to take it all away with a mere sentence, that would be quite incredible. but that’s not how life works.

“okay.” he finally whispered, inhaling a deep breath in a mix of defeat and remorse before continuing. “i promise none of it was a lie; i meant every word. i really meant it when i said i adored your eyes…” 

he dry swallows a couple of times, as if doing so would suppress the sorrow lodged in his throat. his eyes darted around the room, as to not meet your own out of the unbearable guilt that simply refused to be consumed. 

the hesitation behind his subtle actions was a telltale that there was a ‘but’ hidden underneath the surface-level flattery. and with an equal amount of incertitude and delay behind your own words, alongside with a hoarse voice, you brace yourself for the moment he finally admits this so-called love of yours was nothing but an illusion.

“but?” 

“…but they’re not her eyes.” 

[spookykoolkat]

kinktober | the man in apartment 6a - j.m.

kinktober day three - dumbification

pairing: older!joel miller x younger!plus size!reader

wc: 9.0k

summary: your older, grumpier yet handy neighbor can hear everything that goes on in the comfort of your pink four walled bedroom, simply because shitty apartment buildings made the walls so thin.

warnings: 18+ ONLY! minors are NEVER welcomed. pervy!joel, creepy!joel, older!joel, JOEL IS WARNING IN HIMSELF LOL, mentions of self loathing, uncomfortable sex (not with joel), marijuana use, alcohol use, fingering, oral (f receiving), manhandling, degradation (slight), creampie/breeding, pet names (sweet girl, sweetheart, pretty girl, baby, dumb, stupid, daddy), a little bit of ass eating (whoops), raw penetration (p in v) *wrap it up pls*, aftercare

reblogs, likes and comments are very very appreciated!

⛧°｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧ °｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧°｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧°｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧

IT WAS A FRIDAY NIGHT, work was tired, and you needed to take the edge off with a fat blunt and a full glass of wine. it was so quiet in the apartment complex you lived in that you might be the loudest one there, since three of your neighbors are older than 50. 

so after you poured your bottle of wine into a glass, you turned your led lights under your coffee table on and the bulbs that are in your two lamps beside your couch. it was such a colorful scenery, you loved smoking and drinking like this with music or a movie on in the background. making sure to not turn the volume up too loud, or else joel would come knocking on your door asking you to turn it down. 

joel was your neighbor in 6a and to you he always seemed like he had a thorn stuck in his ass cheek. he was a bitter old man who seemed like he hated fun, or maybe he just hated you. 

but you didn’t care much. nothing was going to stop you from being you, being bubbly and optimistic. it makes no sense to you to sit solemnly and think about every wrong turn you’ve ever made, and yet it seems that’s all joel does. 

he was always on edge, noticing the way he would flinch meeting you as the two of you locked your doors and headed off to work. you watched him from your window when he walked into the complex up the stairs, and noticed how he always had his jaw and fists clenched, head whipping in every direction before seemingly slipping inside his apartment and locking up. 

it made you curious as to what made him so tense, so frustrated and even paranoid. you wished you were someone he could go to, to release all of his ugly emotions and thoughts onto you. maybe you were being young and naive, having irrational sex daydreams as you gathered your paraphernalia to roll a blunt. It was delusional, yes you knew that, but you couldn’t help but fantasize about your neighbor.

but you wanted him in every way. you didn’t care he was twice your age, and you didn’t care that he was about as introverted and mean as they come. he’s a real asshole. to you, you felt you were allowed these fantasies given he’d never be the type of man that would want you. i mean, you were young enough to be his daughter, and you weren’t so sure that he even liked bigger women.

shaking your thoughts of him, you hummed along to whatever song that was on your halloween playlist playing loudly. soon after it’s rolled, you spark it up and take hits of it as you throw your body back on the couch.

you feel at ease as you listen to your playlist and smoke your blunt, enjoying peace for a day. your hair was still wet from the shower you took, and your blunt was barely starting to form a good cherry when three bangs hit your door over the music that startled you. 

you take a few more hits trying to get the most out of your blunt and ash it out quickly, yelling a choked out, i’m coming!!, over the music. you get up with your wine glass, walking barefoot to the door and opening it as your eyes meet a broad chest in a button up black and gray flannel, buttoned over a plain white t-shirt. 

joel.

“uh, hey. what’s up?” you say, setting your glass down on your door side table. 

“you told me your toilet wasn’t workin’? didya need me to take a look?” he asked as he unsubtly soaked in your attire. shit. you completely forgot your piece of shit toilet stopped flushing. 

you noticeably had no bra on, and your tank top was resting at the curve of your waist with one strap off of your shoulder, showing off your plush body and midriff. he could almost see the hardening of your nipples when you opened the door. 

“oh, right. i thought you meant you could do it like, monday.” you said, wishing to just relax tonight. he shook his head and looked back over your body, before meeting your eyes. 

“i’m busy monday. it’s now or never,” he bargained with a hard tone and you rolled your eyes.

“of course, right, sorry. come in.” you said and moved out of the way to step inside your girly apartment. you went to your coffee table to grab the remote and turn the volume down a little on your tv. 

“the restroom is-,” you start to say and go towards it until he cuts you off. 

“i know where it is. i’ll be done in a bit,” he said coldly and you pressed your lips into a thin line. he renovated these apartments dumbass. 

“alright.” you said and let him go to the back hall to find the restroom, and you released a breath. 

you felt like you looked messy, you just got out of the shower and had no bra on, and didn’t have panties on either. you were embarrassed. 

it was a free night for you and he had to barge in. of course. you decided to grab your wine and sit down on the couch, eyeing the blunt wishing you could be smoking it right now. instead you sip on your wine and scroll on your phone for maybe thirty minutes until he calls out for you. 

“coming!” you replied a little too cheery, and walked to the back rooms to see him on his hands and knees trying to reach under the toilet with his tools sprawled out on your pink bath rug. 

joel tried to hide the smile that grew when he heard your eager voice.

“yeah?” you asked and blushed at his image. he looked so sexy with his eyebrows furrowed, even sexier looking so manly in such a pink room. His dark colored clothes made an exciting difference in your bathroom. 

joel quickly scaled you over, from your bare feet with black toenails up to your week old shaven legs, up your wide thighs, to the fat of your tummy and the curves of your breasts. 

“you think i can have me a water bottle?” he asked, and you smiled, completely unaware he was thinking of bending you over the sink and making you watch yourself take all of him.

joel had a teensy crush on you the second he saw you at his doorstep. 

you mustered up the strength to knock on two doors to be greeted by two elderly ladies, and introduce yourself as their neighbors while giving them cookies you baked for them. 

you figured it was the best way to gain their trust and familiarity as you were going to be living here for a while. and while it worked on them, you weren’t so sure about your last neighbor. you were nervous. you hated socializing and to introduce yourself as the new person in the area, but the last door you knocked on was one that truly ruined your day. 

the door swung open ferociously to present a tall broad figure with tan skin, eyes tired and hair all ruffled. you could tell he just woke up, and you instantly regretted it. the force of the door opening made you feel a gust of wind, and chills. 

you were taught it was common courtesy to introduce yourself when you’re new somewhere, though it didn’t seem he was happy to see you at his doorstep all cheery and energized.

“uh, hi, i’m your neighbor in 6C, i just moved in and i just wanted to introduce myself,” you said and told him your name, with a small smile. he kind of just looked at you blankly, adjusting his eyes to your figure and face. 

“i, uh i made cookies for everyone so, i thought i’d bring them by cus i just like to bake and i thought maybe it’d be a peace offering... it’s okay if not i just wanted to be nice,” you rambled looking into his brown eyes as you held the plate covered in foil out with your hands. he looked between the plate, you and next to him to look at the clock on his doorway table.  

you were nervous, tapping your fingers on the plate and biting the inside of your cheek. he was so handsome. so manly. 

“you’re knockin at my door at eight thirty in the morning ona saturday to give me some cookies?” he asked, making sure what was happening was real. it was a little comical to him, only seeing shit like this in the movies. but to him, you were cute. he knew he didn’t carry southern hospitality and kindness like most, like you.

“you don’t have to take them. just tryna be nice,” you mumbled and pulled your arms back, your texan accent almost as thick as his. 

“Mmhmm, well i don’t need no cookies this mornin’,” he said surely. it kind of pissed you off honestly. 

“forget about it,” you said and turned your head down, moving to the door next to his and opening it right before mumbling, “asshole,” and slamming your door shut.

you were just so cute, so lively that he was drawn to you. it was odd because joel’s taste in women usually ranged, but he’d never been so drawn to a woman who seemed so eager to take on the world everyday. joel wasn’t used to seeing people so happy to leave the comfort of their homes to go into the city and interact with people, he wasn’t used to people making small talk as you fetch the mail at the same time. but that was you. 

he would just shake you off, mumble words to get you to stop being so cheerful and kind. he didn’t want you to waste your time on him, he didn’t deserve your kindness. you heard the small comments. 

“so damn pink,” 

“ya have to hum all the way down four flights of stairs?”

“you ever not dressed in glitter and ponies?” 

which he over exaggerated, you just liked pink. you would ignore the mean comments, and you would force yourself to remember that he is a man of cutting down trees and building houses with his bare hands. whatever you think is manly, he is. he wore nothing but dark colors, denim, work boots, and still had the iphone eight which seemed like it was forced on him. 

but this is the first time he spoke to you remotely nice, and asked you for anything. 

“yeah, uh do you want like, ice or just room temp?” you asked a bit embarrassed, wondering if that was a dumb question to ask. and a small, very small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth but it was so slight you almost gaslit yourself into seeing it. 

“don’t matter sweetheart, whatever ya wanna get me,” he said and went back to doing whatever it was he was doing. 

your tummy just fluttered at the small pet name as you pushed yourself off the door frame and moved to the kitchen.

never did you ever think you would hear a word like that come out of his mouth when referring to you.

you grabbed a water bottle and grabbed some ice chips with a scoop to pour it into a tall thermos. you took it straight to joel, and he faced you as you leaned down a bit to hand him the cup. from your stance, he could practically see down your shirt but only stole a small glance. 

you couldn’t notice, you were just excited to do something nice for him. 

“you need anything else?” you asked with your hands behind your back, your chest poking out a bit more and the light made it easy to see your nipples against the cloth. 

“nah, i got all i need, you can go relax.” he said and went back to work as you walked off. 

you wondered if there was a softness to his voice as you sat back down on the couch, turning your music up a little bit but not loud enough to get bitched at by joel. you figured he’d might be here for a bit given his outbursts of cursing because something wasn’t working with him, so you grabbed your blunt and lit it again. this was your apartment. 

joel was frustrated enough from the stupid toilet. a bolt kept untightening every time he tried to flush, and it pissed him off enough but kept him busy as he smelled the scent of strong weed filling his nose. he knew he smelled it when he walked in, but now he can smell the smoke and hear your muffled coughs every once and a while.

he was actually a bit surprised, for some reason you didn’t seem like the type to partake. he knows in his days he did, so he wasn’t judging you at all, it just didn’t seem like something a girl like you would do. you seemed so… behaved.

he ended up managing to find the bolt he was looking for because it fell somewhere and skidded across the restroom floor. 

joel didn’t mind working on things for the neighbors in his complex, he was really the only one that was able to fix almost everything in sight. he was never bothered by it either, in the back of his mind he wanted to feel like he was needed. like he could do some type of good for people even if he was closed off and cold. his hands were godsend, and in many ways. 

but he’d always see things maybe the resident wouldn’t want him to see, like a box of condoms or a sex toy. it didn’t bother him, he’d just ignore it.

but here he was, still and frozen as he finally found the bolt laying on a pair of red panties that were laid on your floor like you just had these on. and you did. 

you managed to get all of your clothes in the hamper except the pair of panties you had on, you actually thought maybe it was in the tangles of your clothes. but no. there they were, and he was on his way to losing his mind. he couldn’t move, he just stared at the red high cut panties that even had a black bow on the trim. 

he couldn’t stop himself. before he knew it, he grabbed your underwear and almost inspected them quickly before taking them, pushing the fabric into his nose and breathing in your musk, and folding them to put in his back pocket. he felt drunk on you already. he knew it was wrong, he knew he was probably a sick man. but he needed something from you, anything. 

the opportunity showed itself, he just took it. 

now, he still smelled you lingering on his nose, and imagined what your pussy looked like puffy and red for him. he wanted to fill you up completely and fuck you until you were sore and throbbing, he wanted to see those cute little glossy lips of yours kissing the tip of his cock and taking it in your throat like a fleshlight. 

you were just perfect. so much for him to grab, kiss, and mark. he wanted your eyes to watch him devour you whole, and he craved to watch you break for him.

he knew he was a creep. he didn’t care. joel never acted on his desires and his pervy ways, until now, when really he wanted to do it all. whenever you came out to the mailboxes the same time as he did, he wanted to get his phone and sneak pictures of you, under your skirts more specifically. 

he was thinking of if you’ve ever fucked yourself here in this very restroom he’s crouched in, thinking of the way your leg would lift to rest on some vantage point, fingering your hole until you fought to stand upright again. he imagined you walking in a little white towel back to your room, drying off and getting dressed in front of him. his cock was throbbing at the image, pairing it with the image of the red panties he stole. 

he couldn’t work like this, not thinking of all of the ways he wanted to make you whine, make you squirm, make you cum. 

he finally managed to fix the problem after 30 minutes and flushing once to test, smiling at his success. it was always satisfying seeing something broken be fixed, he was a problem solver, he loved the challenge. he cleaned up his area and picked up his tools, putting them in the bag and fixing himself before he washed his hands and wiped them down with a towel, leaving the restroom to see you puffing a small roach of your blunt. 

“y’know you shouldn’t be smokin in here,” he said and you jumped a bit, exhaling the last bit of smoke and ashing it out in your ashtray. you just looked at him with a small smile, but realizing this is your apartment. he can’t tell you what to do. 

“oh, well i mean, i thought… i mean it’s my apartment, so,” you said as you blushed, feeling like you’re in trouble now. 

“don’t worry yourself, darlin’. i ain’t gonna tell on you,” he suggested and you blushed, somehow even more. 

“would you want like, a drink? the least i can do,” you said as you grabbed a dos equis from your fridge and walked up to him, handing it to him. he was hesitant at first, really in deep thought about whether he should accept this or not. was it opening a door? he hoped so. 

“thanks,” he said and took it from you, not looking at the green bottle at all. he put his tools down on the small table you had in your kitchen and followed you to sit on the loveseat on the right side of the living room. 

“it’s joel by the way, no one calls me mr. miller,” he said as he took a swig. you nodded and responded ohh, moving to drink more of your wine. you ended up changing your music to a horror movie and kept your eyes trained on that instead of his eyes. you felt him watching you, every breath you took, every blink, every lip bite. 

“so who lived here before me?” you asked to break the silence, looking to him from the movie. his eyes were already on you, you just met them. you figured you’d make some sort of conversation if he was going to sit there and drink a beer. who drinks together silently? 

“nother’ older lady, she was a good neighbor,” he trailed and drank from his beer. you quirked your eyebrows, drinking from the wine glass and keeping it by your side. 

“am i not a good neighbor?” you asked sweetly, genuinely curious. he refrained himself from getting up from his seat and showing how good of a neighbor you really were to him. 

“you are, just a little loud from time to time.” he admitted, more so talking about your unsatisfying experiences with the men you bring him. 

“am i? i’m sorry, i’ll try to keep it down,” you said softly, almost embarrassed and you looked at your fingers tapping on the rim of the wine glass. 

“s’alright, it ain’t too distracting.” he lied. of course it was distracting. he was begging to know what you sounded like when you were really enjoying yourself, how you looked under him and on top of him. how he imagined you in his room instead. 

“still, i don’t wanna be that neighbor that’s annoying,” you said and looked back up at him to where he’s sitting. “i feel like you hate me.” you finished. 

he doesn't blame you. he doesn't make it easy for people to know him, or make a nice impression firsthand. he kind of feels bad for making you feel like that. but he was just not that friendly honestly, not that nice and not that comforting. at least he felt he was. he didn’t know how to be. 

“it’s nothin’ personal,” he said and drank from his bottle again, letting his eyes trail over your body. you felt it, hell you saw it, and you still squirmed. 

“i prefer to be by myself.” he said and you nodded, but he was still watching you. 

“i see. i understand now, sorry for imposing most of the time.” you say with an apologetic smile, and he kind of smiled. it shocked you really to see any emotion other than anger and discomfort displayed on his face.

“you don’t bother me, not one bit.” he said to reassure you, but he wanted you to know you did far more than “bothering” him. you just smiled, blushing a bit at his confession.

“so is it just you living here?” you asked and saw his face look a little pained, and again you regret opening your mouth. 

“uh, no actually. i have a sixteen year old i sort of adopted. just me and my daughter.” he said and you were a little shocked. how did you never manage to see her? or hear her?

“she goes on her own a lot, friends places, parties. i know she can handle herself so, she has my number if anything happens.” he answered your internal questions. 

“that’s really sweet. i wished my parents did that. i kind of had to move away from them’ after i graduated. m’ not really on speaking’ terms with any of my family.” you admitted a little sadly, even though he didn’t ask.  you seemed as though you could talk for hours if no one shut you up. 

“i’m sorry to hear that,darlin’,” he said and continued to drink his beer until he finished it. 

“it’s fine, i’m a lot happier now than i was before.” you said with a small smile, and drank from your wine glass. joel was glad you took the attention off of him and his daughter, not asking any questions about his situation. he appreciated it. 

he just nodded, finishing his beer as you finished your wine and suddenly you were nervous. again. it was just you and him, in this colorfully lit room. you looked at him as he got up, and walked to the kitchen to grab his tools. no no wait wait you can’t leave, not yet. 

“thank ya for the hospitality, i should go,” he said coldly and you almost scrambled to your feet to step in front of him. 

“um, wait uh,” you tried to think of an excuse. anything. something to keep him here a little longer. he looked down at you, how flustered you were, how you looked like you were trying to come up with an excuse. you really even didn’t think it through, you were just acting on the pulsing in your shorts.

but suddenly, you got a bit insecure. you didn’t know joel’s type, and you wondered what the outcome would be of throwing yourself at him. 

“yeah?” he asked and tilted his head, curious as to what you had to say. truth is, he didn’t wanna leave either. how could he wanna leave when you looked so desirable right now? he couldn’t even feel bad that he was practically 20 years older than you, he wanted to ruin you. 

“um, nothing, m’ sorry.” you said. you admitted defeat. there was nothing you could’ve said or done to make him stay, at least that's what you thought. 

“have a good night,” you said and he repeated it to you. you walked him out, shutting the door behind him. 

⛧°｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧ °｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧°｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧°｡⋆༺♱༻⋆｡°⛧

joel was still awake after his shower. not by choice. he was laying in his bed, checking the time on his clock that flashes at 2:30am, and back at the wall that connects the two of you. were you seriously this unaware at how loud you were? 

he was thanking god that ellie wasn’t home, so she wouldn’t be hearing any of this either. but he was also wondering if you were even enjoying yourself in the first place. 

after joel left, you felt this aching feeling that you couldn’t satisfy yourself so you just called a friend over. one that you really don’t know, and you don’t care about, but one that wanted to have sex with you just as bad as you wanted to have sex with joel. 

one thing led to another and there you are once again, laying in bed as this guy poorly ate you out and uncomfortably fingered you. it just didn’t feel right, and at this point you were hoping he was done. your fake moans rang through the apartment again, wondering if you were over or under selling it. to the lanky guy between your legs, you were selling it just fine. 

you even tried thinking of joel being the one sliding into you as this guy did, but you doubted he'd be this painfully terrible at sex. it didn’t feel enjoyable, it just felt like blindly jabbing at your cervix. not even 10 minutes later, that man is out your door and you're back in bed, feeling miserable with yourself. 

you wanted for once to have a good sexual encounter, constantly feeling ugly and used. these men didn’t even care about you and didn’t care if you were satisfied, and you hated yourself for it. the physical intimacy you wanted seemed like it was something you wouldn’t be able to find. 

you craved a man’s touch even if you hated it or not, maybe blaming it on your daddy issues or just blaming the fact that you looked for the wrong things in the wrong thing. you wanted comfort and protection and looked for it in sex. 

you wanted joel. you wanted him since you moved in despite him being a dick. you wanted to know how it felt to be protected by him, to be held by him, to be wanted by him. and you wanted it so bad, you started crying. loudly, at that. 

in the moment, joel felt like he was imposing on your privacy. he felt bad listening to your muffled cries like this, and he wanted to do everything he could to help you. he knew so little about your family situation, but to him you had no family. he never saw you with friends, he only saw you with a new man every week. he wanted to comfort you, to show you that he and you were more alike than you thought.

he heard it stop for about twenty minutes all of the sudden, and then something bump into the wall he was staring at. then, it started again.  

you just laid there after your shower, now softly crying and sniffling as you heard a soft knocking on your front door. you got a little scared, so you wiped your tears fast and slipped on the shorts you had on to go open your door. it was dark in the main room, only a small orange lighting shining in front of your windows. you even noticed finally that it was actually pouring rain outside.

“who is it?” you said a little loudly, too nervous to peek through the hole. you fiddled with your polished black nails before the person answered. 

“it’s joel,” he said and you paused. 

“joel?” you asked. 

 you quickly unlocked your door to open it enough to peek your head out. 

“what are you doing here?” you asked, looking up at him. you scanned over his attire, now barefoot and in a simple black shirt and pajama pants. his head was whipping right and left, seeing if anyone else was in the hall to see him. 

now, he was the one that was nervous. what was he doing here? what did he think was going to happen? if he played it right, everything he ever wanted. 

“can i come in?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck and you gulp, opening the door wider to allow his broad figure in your home. your eyes were trained down, refusing to let him look at you. 

“can i get you something? water?” you asked, still not facing him and turning a lamp on next to your couch and moving past him until he grabs your wrist firmly. you still, and you have no choice but to look at him with your bloodshot eyes. 

“i can hear, y’know,” he said, paying attention to your tear stained face as you slowly looked up to him. 

“hear? hear what?” you said unknowingly. 

“everything. i can hear the guys you bring home, i can hear you moanin’, i can hear you cryin’,” he said, pulling you closer to him. by now you were almost to his chest as he grabbed your other wrist and held you tight. 

“i-,” you began but you felt humiliated. you didn’t realize he could really hear everything, that he heard everything that transpired in your room tonight. 

“did he make you cry?” he asked grimly, his eyes dark and his stare serious.

he wasn’t squeezing hard enough to hurt you, your breath just caught in your throat because you were nervous. nervous to admit to anything. 

“no, he didn’t, he didn’t do anything to me,” you said and looked down at his hands gripping your flesh. 

“it doesn’t matter. i’m just really sorry, i didn’t know that’s what you meant earlier. i’m sorry it won’t happen again.” you apologized with tears in your eyes. the guy who you fucked wasn’t even worth all of this embarrassment that flooded you. 

“then why’re you cryin, sweet girl?” he asked, moving his hand to your chin so you can look up at him. 

“i, it’s nothing, i’m sorry for waking you up,” you said and blinked your tears away, your hands falling to your side when he released you. you just stood there though, his hand on your cheek while his thumb rubbed circles into your face. 

“it ain’t nothin. he wasn’t makin’ you feel good? made you feel bad?” his southern accent was thick in this tone, but for some reason you felt at ease. better now that he was here. 

“he made me feel bad,” you were too nervous to lie, he already heard you through the wall. 

“i know, baby, i know,” he said. you really couldn’t move, the words coming from his mouth were insane to you. you couldn’t fathom the fact that he was talking like this, to you. his hands slid to grip your hips, to feel the way they curve into your waist, resting at the small of your back so that now you’re pressed against his body. 

“i never hated ya,” he said, his face getting closer to yours to where you could feel his breath on your lips. while your breathing was faltered and shaky, his was calm and collected. he wasn’t nervous anymore, he was determined. 

“actually, i think i like you more than i’d like t’ admit,” he whispered, moving his lips to your ear and your neck. 

“what are you talkin’ about?” you breathed. your arms just went slack, you didn’t know what to do with them, if you should finally touch him and feel his hard chest, feel his body the way he feels yours, or if you just want to accept that this is a dream. 

you finally move your hands to his waist and grip tightly onto his shirt, almost like if you let go you’ll fall. 

“i know you feel the same, darlin’. i can hear you, remember? i can hear you callin’ for me, moanin’ for me when you touch yourself.” your breath shook slightly and he smiled against your neck, moving his hands up your back. 

and the only thing you can say, that your brain can think of, is to apologize. 

“none of that, don’t do that. tell me sweetheart, do ya want me to make you feel good?” he asked, and you pulled his body closer to yours. 

“do, um, do you want to do that?” you were so unsure of all this. did he truly like you? did he truly find you attractive? you never failed to question men’s sincerity, was this just for pleasure or was this emotional? 

“my sweet baby, if i ever say no to you like that, i’ve gone fuckin’ senile,” he groaned against your neck. 

“y’know how many times i've thought about being between these legs of yours?” there was nothing else that could’ve made you as wet as you were right now, you heard the roughness of his texas accent, the lust mixing with desire. he wanted nothing but you. 

“been wantin’ t’ ruin those little skirts you wear. jus’ wanna watch you fall apart on my cock,” your eyes widened and you felt a pool of arousal coat your cunt. you’d never been talked to like this, the crudeness of his words sliced whatever tension there was, and you gave in.

his lips moved down your neck and to your chest as you pant against him, your body pressed into a wall near the hallway that leads to your bedroom and restroom. he pressed against you enough so you could feel the hardening bulge on your thigh and he could feel the softness of your breasts pushed into him. while kissing your neck and shoulder, he moved your hand to feel his hardness while grunting a bit into your skin. 

“you feel what ya do to me? you see how i get for ya?” he asked, and you whimpered a bit feeling how large he really was through his pajama pants. he pulled away from you a bit and looked down at his hand on top of yours, your own hand voluntarily softly massaging his cock. 

“fuck, sweetheart, you know,” he cooed, smoothing your hair down and grabbing the nape of your neck to crane it back, “you know exactly what that pretty face does to me,” 

he tilted your head to look at him, to be close enough to his face to feel his breath on your face. 

“tell me you want me, honey,” he said sweetly, looking between your eyes and your lips. you just kept your eyes on his while he examined you. 

“i, i want you,” you said in a whisper and blushed. joel smiled to himself, another smile you’d never seen, and slid down against your body and grabbed the back of your thighs, urging you to jump and instinctively you did. 

only he made you forget you were three times the size of a skinny woman. 

“joel, wait i’m too heavy for this wait,” you said but he stayed put, didn’t move, didn’t talk. he just stared at you. 

“ain’t no such thing as too heavy, princess, i’ll still pick you up and fuck you stupid,” he assured, playfully tapping your ass as he carried you all the way to your room, laying you on your back. you swore he could feel the pulsing of your cunt against his abdomen. 

he brought you to your room, dark and quiet with the help of your small lamp illuminating your face as he laid you down on your back, falling with you. 

“gonna let me see you, baby? let me see all of this,” he said lowly, crawling to straddle you and put his hands on your tummy, groping and massaging. 

“i-,” you said, out of breath already and joel smirked. he was loving you like this. so dumb and innocent for him. 

“you’re jus’ the sweetest little thing, baby,” he said as his eyes roamed your body. “gotta use your words, baby, let me hear that pretty voice, tell me what you want,” he said again. 

“touch me, anywhere, p-please,” you whimpered out enough and he hummed in satisfaction. 

his fingers creeped up your stomach, leaving a burn with their trail and acted like he was going to help you out of it, but instead he bends down and grips the center of your tank top with two hands and careful to not hurt you, but fast and swift, he rips the weak cloth in half. 

“what, joel oh-” you said and joel’s fingers wrapped around your throat with no pressure, and held you in place as his eyes trailed over your body again, his other hand roughly moved the two halves of your tank to either side. 

“what did he do that you didn’t like, baby?” he asked you as he stayed on top, playing with your breasts by squeezing and pushing them together, only thinking impurely about you. 

you couldn’t think of anything as he felt you up as he pleased, his calloused hands rubbing your smooth skin, tugging and pinching your nipples to watch them harden and extend just for him. 

“just,” 

“he, ugh,” 

he laughs. “can’t even talk while i play with these pretty titties? goin’ dumb already baby?” 

“mmmph,” you couldn’t muster any words. it was a new feeling, feeling lightheaded and only drunk off of joel. 

“please, fuck me,” you whimpered, moving your hands to play with his waistband and try to tug at it. but he stopped you quickly, never letting you even grab a hold of the fabric when he grabs your wrists. 

“need you to tell me exactly what you want, can you do that?” he asked you and you whined, squirming with his hands still locking you in place. 

you looked up at him, his eyes only on yours and his cock straining against his pajama pants. “fingers,” 

it’s all you mustered and he accepted it, moving down a little to move his fingers down into your panties and spreading your legs with his. his fingers immediately felt heat when he spread your cunt and moved down to your hole, teasing and prodding in your arousal. 

“baby’s so wet for me, yeah? you ever thought about me, honey?” he asked you as he looked between you and where his fingers hid in your shorts, waiting for an answer. you were a whimpering mess, soft breaths and pants falling from your lips with every touch. 

“mhm,” you mustered, clenching your eyes shut when his middle finger circled your hole and pushed his palm against your clit, “always wanted you,” 

if you weren’t so dizzy, you probably would’ve scorned yourself for saying that. but he was amused, moving his scruffy cheek to glide against yours and leave kissing on your neck. 

“thought about you too, pretty girl. just so damn cute all the fuckin’ time, couldn’t stop thinkin’ about how you’d look taking my cock,” you whined at his words, trying to shut your legs to stop the pressure but he just shook his head and pried them apart. your hands were tight on his wrist, begging him to let up as he fucks you with two fingers and uses your slick to rub circles over your clit. 

“r-really?” you asked through choked moans, your body lifting up to watch him finger you. he chuckled softly, “yeah, sweetheart. can’t stop thinkin’ about ya,” 

he pauses before taking your shorts and panties off quickly, spreading your legs further and throwing them over his own spread thighs you went back to gripping at your sheets, your body responding to every touch as he spread your cunt even more and spit on it. 

“you want me to fuck this pretty hole, baby?” he asked, watching your slick cover his hand as he curled his fingers inside of you. you were a mess, incoherent, making sounds and guttural noises as he brought you closer to your edge. all you could do was nod erratically and try to close your legs. 

“i’m gonna need you to cum for me then, sweetheart. needa’ see this little cunt cum for me,” he growled, his other hand pulling his pajama pants down, easily taking them off. 

“i, i-,” you choked, your chest tight as you watched him abuse your pussy and watched as his eyes flashed quickly. he managed to lift your lower half up in the air by your ass cheeks, bringing your core to his mouth and pulling you closer to him so he could taste you. 

“daddy,” you moaned as he pulled away with a harsh breath. 

“‘s that right? that’s what you like, baby? want daddy to make you feel real good? go fuckin’ stupid on my cock?” he taunted, his words making your stomach flutter and your clit throb. 

you whimpered a small yes, but you couldn’t think. you’d say yes to anything he offered. you’d take anything he gave you. he didn’t even have to ask, you wanted him to give you anything he wanted. he went back to lapping at your cunt, slurping up any of your juices that ran down your crack, licking at your unused hole that puckered for him. 

it was a new feeling, something no one had done but the way he lapped at both holes made your orgasm build ten times faster, and soon you felt it creeping down your shoulders and sending a cold chill down to your toes. it was blinding, the noises you made were yelps and gasps as if the air had been knocked out of you. 

your entire body shook within his grasp and his mouth never let go of your overstimulated bud, sending more of your juices to leak out of you nonstop. joel wasted no time to lick you all up and manage to strip naked, watching your body go through aftershocks of your orgasm and smiling. 

“pretty girl, such a fuckin’ pretty girl,” he cooed, crawling between your legs again and grabbing you by your waist, flipping you onto tour tummy and chest as he helps you move to steady yourself on your knees. 

“you’d let me do whatever i want to ya, ain’t that right princess?” his voice was like velvet, making you feel warm all over as you pushed your ass into his groin. you whimpered as you felt his hardness against your cunt and you wiggled your hips, making joel laugh a little and slap your ass. 

“so eager too, huh?” all you could do was nod into the pillow, using your forearms to fold under it and hold your head up. the arch in your back was exaggerated, but you wanted him to be able to get the best leverage on you. 

he gripped your hips tight like you were going to leave him, and spread your asscheeks to see both holes shining for him. 

“tell me you want me, can you do that for me?” he asked condescendingly and you hummed, drunk off him grabbing your ass to pull your cheeks apart and watch as they jiggle. 

“i want you,” you muffled, your voice not sounding recognizable. it was hoarse, from moaning and crying and was about to get even more raspy. 

“good girl, you tell me if you want me to stop yeah?” 

“no! please,” you clung onto whatever he was giving you, “i want it, all of it, please,” you cried for him. 

he spits down on your asshole and watches it slip down to your cunt, and he positioned himself at your hole as he keeps your ass spread apart for him. 

“so fuckin’ messy, such a sweet cunt for me,” he moaned as he pushed the head of his cock inside, making you whimper at the small stretch. you didn’t think he could stretch you anymore, until he sunk deeper into your hole and made you start gasping for air. 

“what baby? is it too much? can’t take daddy’s cock?” he taunted behind you as your weak arms went from under the pillow to trying to push his thighs back. unfortunately with your strength, it was no use and only gave him incentive to pin both your arms behind your back, right where your back arched. 

you could feel your drool leaking onto the pillow as he slid slowly into you, not stopping until you felt his balls hit against your cunt. your legs were already trembling from his sheer size, making joel put one hand on the fat of your hip to steady you and one hand on your wrists. 

he started to pull out again, just to slide back in and repeat the movement as he slowly started to speed up the pace. you could hear faint groaning and the sound of your slick gathering on his cock, the wetness being the only noise that was distinct. 

it was pain and pleasure balled into one as he kept gliding in and out of you, feeling your walls tighten and release around him the faster he went. you felt each thrust make your body lurch forward, pushing your face into the pillow as he kept his relentlessness up. 

“oh, baby you feel so fuckin’ good, so good for me,” he groaned. he grabbed both your wrists with his hands and yanked your body up off the mattress so that your breasts are exposed for him. he takes advantage of the space between you and bed, and pulls you even further up to press you against his chest. 

“keep makin’ those pretty sounds for me, makes me wanna ruin this little pussy even more,” he grinned against your shoulder as he wrapped his arms around your waist, and you threw your arms back to grab onto his hair and head. you needed something to balance yourself now that you were standing on your knees, and being fucked into like you weighed absolutely nothing. 

“d-, fuck, i can’t,” you choked through a loud moan, one that made joel grunt as he fucked into you harder. he wasn’t doing small strokes, he was pulling out almost all the way and slamming back into you in a way that sent pain to your cervix, but pressure on your clit begging to be released. 

“can’t what princess? can’t think? i know baby, gettin’ fucked so good you can’t even talk,” he chuckled, moving his hand to grab at your breast and knead your flesh. his hands molded onto your body like they were made to fit you, but all your mind could focus on was the sound of his skin slapping against yours. 

joel knew you were going dumb already, not expecting answers from you as that would just be cruel. he wanted to make you feel good, and the way your spit covered your chin and your mouth fell open but hardly any noise was making its way out, he knew he was doing a damn good job. 

“hear that, baby? such a fuckin’ pretty mess, you like soakin’ my cock like that? so damn wet, so fuckin’ tight,” you couldn’t get enough of his words when he plucked at your nipple, teasing and pinching to get you closer and closer. 

“s-so big, m’ so full,” you cried and he smiled again, holding you closer than ever as he wallowed in your voice. 

“my baby’s full of me, full of my cock,” he repeated, never slowing down as he pulled out just to push all of him back into you at once. he was in love with how you felt, he even felt like he was losing his train of thought at you let out deep moans that made his cock jerk inside of you. 

“‘s okay baby, you look so cute all fucked out like this, can’t even fuckin’ breathe can ya?” he asked and you shook your head no, reminding yourself to unclench your chest so you could let in a good breath. he heard it, and rubbed up your chest to grip your throat, which elicited a harsh whimper. 

his other hand traveled down your body, past your larger stomach and reached down to your cunt. he used the slick between your lips after stuffing them in your mouth and started to rub circles over your nub, making you squirm and wiggle against his body. 

“uhn-uh, thought you liked takin’ my cock like a slut? take it, baby.” you couldn’t even move if you wanted to, wanting to fuck back on his cock and meet his thrusts. you were almost empty headed, words sounding like words but not being able to form them yourself. 

“there you go, take it all baby it’s yours,” he repeated as he watched you grab onto his arm that held you by the neck and let him ravage you like no other. he was the animal, and you were his prey. 

the feeling of his thick cock ramming you, splitting you open while he fingers worked your clit makes you throw your head back on his shoulder and shut your eyes strongly. it was blinding, the pleasure you felt that he inflicted, and you felt yourself clenching your entire body as your orgasm reached its peak. it’s all you focused on. his hands grabbing you everywhere, soaking you in as he pushed your thick body into his chest and managed to lay on his back. he let our body fall onto his and held you up like that, his hands spreading your legs as you tried to sit up on your hands. 

you couldn’t, of course, couldn’t even think about how he changed positions so quickly, or if you were too heavy for him. your body was limp as he held you open, his thrusts becoming harsher and faster as he fucked into you. 

“m gonna, j-joel, gonna cum, gonna cum, m’ gonna cum,” you chanted in a strained whine, one that sounded needy for him. one of his hands lets go of your leg and rests his palm on your forehead, pulling you back to his shoulder so he can kiss along your jaw and neck. 

“cum for me baby, such a dumb fuckin' slut, taking my cock like you were made f’ it,” he was so insulting, so degrading, but the feeling of losing your autonomy so he can fuck you like you deserved made it even sexier for you. you didn’t know your neighbor felt this way for you, that he’d been wanting to feel you and have you like this. it was exhilarating and when you finally let go, when the ringing in your ears started and every muscle in your body tightened just to go slack again, you realized how much you’d been missing. 

you’d never been fucked to the point of silence, nothing but quiet moans and strained breathing falling out of your lips because you couldn’t think, and as joel holds you by wrapping an arm around the thickness of your tummy and letting you close your legs to alleviate the intensity, he whispers nothing but dirty things in your ear. the shaking never stopped, even as joel started to reach his peak. 

“such a pretty girl,”

“love watchin’ you go dumb on my cock,” 

“gonna fill this cunt with my cum, ya want that sweetheart?”

“can’t even talk, such a dirty fuckin’ whore,”

you were mumbling, blabbering, making noises that couldn’t even be registered as noises as his hips slammed against your ass lazily. you feel it the minute he empties inside of you because he holds you even closer than before, stilling your moving hips and you feel the heat of the white ropes that cover your walls. it was so dirty, so messy, so filthy that you wouldn’t be surprised if you were embarrassed after this. you were still mindlessly groaning, humming as your orgasm buzzed through your body and the feeling of his cum trying to push its way out. 

you both lay there, breathless, sticky and with joel still buried inside of you.

“i have… i have to get off,” you breathed out, coming back to the sense of reality. the air in your room felt cold, pricking at your skin like needles. the sweat didn’t help either. 

“no ya don’t,” he said, only to hold you tighter. 

“joel, i’m like crushing you,” you tried to wiggle out of his grasp and he just gave a quick slap to your cunt, making you jolt and still. 

“don’t be ridiculous, ya need me to show you exactly how strong i am or are ya gonna take my word for it?” he warned and you swallowed, blinking at the ceiling before you turn your head to look at the side of his face before he turns his head to look at you. still, the back of your head rested on his shoulder and your legs were between his.

“i can’t even move, joel,” you said in a smile and he laughed, leaning in to kiss your forehead and over your face. 

“i’ll help ya with that.” 

joel proved once again that he was strong enough to pick you up, because he carried you bridal style to the restroom and got a bath ready for you, joining in to help clean you up and massage your muscles. you were dazed, so entirely fucked out that you let him do whatever he needed to do with you to get you into bed. and he didn’t seem to mind, because after taking care of you he got to snuggle in the same bed he made you drool in. 

he let you cuddle into him all you wanted, wrapping your arms and legs around him to bury your face in the shirt he put on. even though it was your bedsheets and your body wash he used, he still smelled like joel. and it was all you needed, ironically the man you longed for to make you feel good was the man who stayed in 6a.

[yujinnieswifeu]

Backstage Encounter

Pairings: female reader x g!p yujin

Warnings: smut, yujin has a dick, cum in pussay (idk what you all call it over here), nsfw, minors dni please

a/n: was impatient and just wanted to release what i wrote but it’s all just for fun, my first time posting here since wattpad so might be bad as i haven’t written in awhile, please lmk how it is and hope you readers enjoy this oneshot!

Ever since you laid eyes on her, you knew you would be hooked. It was as if she had put a love spell on you, which if she did, you would most willingly accept.

“Everyone make some noise!” There she was, Ahn Yujin as she shouted into the microphone, the crowd around you went crazy as they shouted at the top of their lung, but there was you, just staring at the figure on stage as she started to dance to the part from one of their hit songs.

You were mesmerised to say the least, as she danced on the stage, she had a certain aura to her, one that would make other idols envy, and one that would make fans go wild for her.

Then, as if god had blessed you with immense luck, she was looking at you. It was not one that lasted less than a second, rather, it felt to went on forever as time stood still around you. You could feel your heart beating against your ear drum as she gave you a small smile, one that made your face feel hot to the touch, and you smiled back.

When it came to their last song, the group came down the stage as they walked past multiple fans. You were lucky this time, as you stood at the barricade, on the lookout for that one person that always catches your attention.

Soon enough, she came over to your end. This time, she had a goofy smile on her face as she waved to the crowd, and did some poses, everyone was screaming her name while there you were, all nervous.

Yujin looked through the crowd, her eyes scanning around for the signs of the girl she had seen earlier, one that stood out among the crowd. As soon as she locked eyes on yours, she knew she had to have you. She bit her lips, before telling the security something before she went back up the stage.

You were shocked to say the least. Not only did she locked eyes with you once, but twice? That must have been your last remaining luck as your heart continued to beat in your eardrums.

Soon, the concert ended, and everyone was making their way home. As you looked through your bag one last time just to make sure that you had not misplaced any of your belongings, someone came to tap on your shoulder.

You flinched a little, before looking up to see a security guard standing over the barricade. Your heart raced, not knowing what was going on as you thought if you had broken any rules for them to come up to you.

“Hi miss, Yujin would like to see you backstage if that is fine with you?” The guard said as instructed, his eyes looking over yours for approval and all you could do was blink, the words not processing in your mind as all you could think of was your favourite idol wanting to meet you face to face.

“Ma’am?” It must have been awhile you had stood there frozen like a statue as you blinked your eyes a few times.

“O-oh sorry, yes that would be fine by me too!” You had said a little too excitedly now, your voice an octave higher than normal. He then carried the barricade that was in front of you to the side and ushered you backstage.

With each step nearer to one of the rooms that Yujin might be in, it had you feeling even more nervous as you scanned your surroundings, biting your bottom lip nervously.

“Here we are, you can go in anytime.” He gave you a small smile, and you smiled back before he walked away, going back to his other duties.

With a racing heart, you knocked on the door, hearing her voice through the door as she asked whoever that was standing outside to come in.

Taking a deep breath, your hand that was on the doorknob twisted as you stepped in, closing the door behind you before turning to look at Yujin. Your mind was a mess right now and so was your heart, the sound ringing through your ears as you continue to stare at her.

“Hey, so i see you made it.” Yujin smiled, she came closer to you as all you could do was stand at the closed door, frozen like a statue as you tried to calm yourself down.

“H-hi, this just seems so surreal.” You had said, blinking your eyes a little more than usual as she stood in front of you now, playing with your fingers.

She looked at your hands, realising you were nervous as she held your hands in place, looking at you with a small smile. “It must be, you seem a little nervous now.” You could feel your breath caught in your throat as she took a step forward, and you took a step back, your back hitting against the door as you could only let out a whimper.

As soon as she heard the sound that escaped your lips, she knew she was right about you. “I knew it, you like this don’t you?” She came closer to your face, using her free hand to lift your chin, making you look up at her, her eyes searching yours for any signs of discomfort, but all she could see was the need in your eyes.

You did not know how this escalated, but what she was doing was making you so turned on. It was not the first time you had dreamed of such a scenario, but having it come true was something you never expected.

“P-please.” You stutter pathetically, she grinned a little, her hand that was around your hand snakes down your inner thigh as she searched your eyes for any signs of discomfort, which was met with hooded eyes.

Yujin then brushed her fingers over your clothed area, and your breath hitches in your throat again, a whimper escapes your lips once more.

Yujin leaned in, her breath hot against your ear. “Please what?” She whispered, making a shiver run down your spine.

“Please mommy, need more.” You whimper, moving your hips slightly so her fingers would rub over the area you yearned from her the most.

She sensed this, and placed the hand that was over your clothed area over your hips to stop your movements, her other hand going to lock the door behind of you.

A whine erupts from your throat as she stops your movements, her eyes dark as she stares into yours.

“You are going to be quiet, if not i will stop everything, understood?” You nod your head almost immediately, and she attached her lips against yours hungrily.

You moaned softly into the kiss, her hands going over the back of your dress as she unzips your blue dress. You let her, doing the same.

Once your clothes was off and all that remained was your bra and panties, she pulled you over the couch, asking you to lie down which you did and she was on you immediately.

Her fingers sliding behind your back to unclasp the bra as she grind her hips against yours, your breath hitching when you felt something hard hitting against your clothed pussy.

“M-mommy is th-hat?” You said breathlessly, feeling her humming against your skin as she licked a strip along your neck, her eyes hovers over yours with a sickening smirk.

“Yes it is baby, you like it don’t you?” She whispers against your lips, grinding against your clothed pussy as your panties were now drenched.

You let out a small moan, nodding your head, as you look at her with need.

“Words baby.” Her hand now over your neck as you gasp slightly, struggling to breathe. “Y-yes mommy.”

She hummed in response, giving you a small peck on your lips as she pull away. “On your knees now.” Immediately, you got on your knees, looking at her clothed area as she undo her zipper, pulling her pants down which unfortunately you did not have enough time to remove earlier.

You helped her, getting rid of her pants as you stared at her hard on, and you were sure you were drooling. She pushed her boxers down, as her girthy and hard cock sprung out, smacking against her pelvis.

“Mommy, can i? Please?” You looked up at her, with begging eyes as she smirked. As much as she wants to tease you, she was feeling the pain from how turned on she had been.

“Yes baby, show me what a slut you are for my dick.” Her voice was deep and raspy, making you even more turned on as your tongue darts out against her red and swollen tip experimentally, tasting her pre-cum over your tongue as you wrap your lips over her tip more boldly, your eyes staring at her blissed out expression.

You start to go more deeper, sucking when you pull slightly away at her tip and down again, creating a rhythm. The action causes her to groan, bitting her bottom lip instead as she grips on your head to stop you from moving, thrusting herself inside of your mouth.

Your hands grip against her thighs as you start to choke on her cock, her moves not letting up as she continue her rough movements, fucking your mouth like a toy. “You like that slut? Ever since i saw you earlier ahh— i knew you would love my cock around that pretty mouth of yours.”

You could only choke and whimper at her words, the aching feeling between your thighs only intensifying as you close your thighs together, trying to find some sort of friction as she continues to fuck your mouth.

With a final thrust of her hips, she shoots her load into your mouth, her hand firmly holding your head in place as she forced you to take every last drop from her cock.

Once she made sure you had swallowed her cum, she grip your hair, pulling your head back as she stared into your now teary eyes, which only made her hard again. Her eyes still hooded pulls you over the couch, straddling you.

Her fingers now played at the hem of your panties, staying there as she teases you even more. “M-mommy please, no more teasing.” You whimper, the feeling between your legs now sticky and drenched as she hooks her fingers at the edge of your panties, bringing it down slowly, looking at how wet you are for her.

The sight of you so drenched for her made her breath hitch a little, her dick throbbing painfully at the sight. “Fuck baby, you’re so wet for me.” Her tone comes out raspy, now taking your panties off as she takes a swipe of your wetness over her hand, making you whine out.

“Mommy no, that’s gross.” You cover your eyes, feeling your cheeks turn red as you look elsewhere, but felt a strong grip at your wrist as she pins your hands over your head.

You whimper out, and she forces you to look her way, her fingers coated with your wetness nears your lips as she instructs you to open your mouth for her. “Open your mouth baby.” She says, her tone making a shiver run down your spine as you part your lips, feeling her put the fingers coated with your arousal against your tongue as she starts to thrust her fingers in your mouth.

“Good girl, so good for mommy. You deserve a reward hm?” Her voice lower than usual as she remove her fingers from your lips, sliding them down across your stomach to your folds as she continues to tease you.

Your breath hitches, whimpering as you try to move your hips so that her fingers would touch where you wanted her most, but she pulled back instead, her grip on your wrists tightening.

“Tell me what you want baby.” She whispers against your ear instead, her teeth nipping against your earlobe as you whimper, still breathing heavily as your hips thrust upwards slightly over nothing.

“I want to feel you inside me please mommy? Want to be your cum dump.” You say desperately, wanting nothing more than for her to ruin you now.

At your words, she let out a growl, before plunging into your greedy hole without any warning, her hand over your mouth as you let out a muffled scream.

She starts to move at a merciless pace, her hand moving to grope at your tits instead as she kisses you deeply. You moan into the kiss, and she takes the opportunity to stick her tongue between your lips, exploring every inch of your mouth.

You start to moan even louder, her free hand wrapping over your neck as she strangles you a little, causing you to clench around her cock even more as she groan against your lips.

“Fucking slut, you loved that didn’t you? You like it when i fuck you rough?” She says through pants, her movements becoming more erratic as she nears her high, her hands over your thighs as she puts you in a mating press instead, thrusting her cock even harder and deeper as her tip hits your cervix each time she thrust in, making you cover your mouth as you moan even louder.

“Gonna breed this pretty pussy, you like that don’t you? Wanna be my cum dump?” She talks dirty to you, making you clench around her cock again as you feel yourself nearing the edge, begging her to let you cum.

“Cum for mommy slut.” She says breathlessly, her lips over yours to silence your moans as you come undone with her, her thrust slowing down as she paints your walls white, a whimper falling past your lips.

After a while, she pulled away from you, giving you a small kiss over your cheek. “Hi.” She mutters, looking at your fucked out face as she bites her bottom lip, plugging her cock out of your hole before she losses control of herself again.

“Hey.” You giggle slightly, looking at her as she dresses herself back into her outfit, before helping you look like how you were before all this had happened.

“I forgot to ask your name pretty.” She giggles softly, passing you her phone instead and you got the message, a smile plastered on your face as you put your name in, along with your number.

[liulith]

Sir Pentious & Alastor: an underrated dynamic

"Show yourself, Alastor! Come and face--! Oh, there you are. FACE MY WRATH!"

Sir Pentious has been in Hell for much longer than Alastor. That means he was there when the Radio Demon appeared, and he's been trying to overthrow Alastor for decades! We know what Alastor is capable of, and what he could do if he truly wanted Sir Pentious to stop. He obviously doesn't register Sir Pentious as a threat, but that doesn't mean he's not annoying (like when he interrupts his song in the pilot and destroys a wall in ep2). Yet in all those decades, Alastor always let him go with the equivalent of a slap on the wrist, considering what he's done to other sinners in his broadcasts.

And why is that? Why, he must find Sir Pentious very entertaining, of course! Even though he calls Sir Pentious forgettable (to rile him up), there's no way a narcissist like him doesn't LOVE being the main focus of Pentious' "evil plans", as pathetic as they are. Not only does he give him the attention he deserves (like Vox), he's a true "architect of evil" who constantly reinvents himself to try and get the upper hand on Alastor. To Alastor, Pentious is like a sillier, weaker, more immature version of Vox with close to ZERO survival instincts but twice the creativity. Even Vox, who made a whole diss track about Al, wouldn't dare speak to him the way Sir Pentious does if they were face to face.

"SILENCE! Now cower! For when I've ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal."

He does have some "oh shit" moments when he sees he crossed a line/is about to get Team Rocket-ed, but he still gets back up and attacks him again with all the unearned confidence of a man who has no idea how easy Alastor goes on him.

Just like Alastor, Pentious is attached to the aesthetics and technology of the time period he knew when he was alive, and still manages to innovate with those limitations. I think Alastor could respect that.

"You whores have no class! In war, the side remembered is the side with the most style!"

It's also funny that to Pentious, Alastor is the young, modern one. Some phrases Alastor uses are "young people slang" to him!

Pentious asking Alastor questions on his "modern" radio technology...

Alastor is one sarcastic bastard, and Sir Pent is one of the most naive characters in the show. He takes a lot of things way too literally (#autism?). That's just PERFECT for comedic misunderstandings between these two!

Before s1 was released there were quite a lot of ace!Pentious headcanons. I think we could still make a case for closeted ace-adjacent!Pentious in canon! Possibility even aroace!Pentious, if we interpret his crush on Cherri as compulsive heteronormativity (he loves her creative genius and is fascinated by her explosive contraptions; surely that means she's the one, right?)

Ace4Ace Alastor & Pentious would be a fun duo in my opinion. They could bond over their shared experience

On the topic of bonding... ("I have feelings for you" (Narrator voice: the feeling was friendship, but he had ever experienced it before)

Seriously, imagine Sir Pentious spending more and more time around Alastor because of the hotel, taking his sarcastic and mocking remarks literally and thinking they're becoming closer... And then being like. WAIT. Do I have feelings for him?? and trying to seduce him like he does with Cherri Bomb. The absolute shenanigans... Rizzlord Pentious strikes again.

Accidental fake dating scenario that only exists in Vox's head, where Vox, being the stalker that he is, spies in the two of them bonding and reaches all the wrong conclusions

Once Sir Pentious dies for the second time and ascends to Heaven, he could meet Alastor's mom 👀

EDIT: OH and How could I forget the Egg Boiz?? Egg Boiz babysitter!Alastor is canon and he definitely babysat them multiple times in the few months Sir Pentious spent at the hotel. Joint custody :3

AND let's not forget the important information that Frank the Egg Boy reported to Sir Pentious lol. The one Charlie made a deal with Alastor for. I can imagine Alastor considering killing the Egg Boiz/ Sir Pentious after learning Frank didn't keep quiet (Imagine Sir Pentious trying to engage in a conversation w/ Alastor and telling him what Frank told him as a joke akfkkd), spending a whole afternoon trailing after them and making plans, only to realise that the Egg Boiz say insane shit all the time and Sir Pentious was in fact NOT playing 4D chess by telling him he knew (and probably already forgot all about it)

[gooppoo]

i know you have a lot in your plate but neteyam kissing reader for the first time while fucking her?? he’s not a kissing guy but my man folded for reader lmfao (write it when your request will be open if you’d like to!”

– 🍤 anon

awe dis is so cute <3

Just a kiss.

Requests Closed!!

mdni.

warnings: p in v, kissing duh, Neteyam kinda just being a cutie pie ig and agedup!Neteyam ofc

The whole point of missionary is to see each others faces.

You're supposed to hold each other, cuddle, get tangled up in each others limbs.

Kiss.

Usually kissing is synonymous (sometimes required) in order for the deed to be done, but Neteyam had proved otherwise. He wasn't big on the idea of kissing, in fact you two had never kissed. This might usually deter people, but there was an odd charm about it.

Saving your first kiss for something super special. Besides him literally being inside of you, a kiss was incredibly intimate. But you didn't always need to kiss to be intimate. Neteyam knew how to get your tail flicking and you steamy just with a few touches. He'd always tease the idea of a kiss, and somehow that frustration would manifest into desire which opened your flood gates for him. With his magic fingers he'd have you cumming once, and with his dick, cumming twice...sometimes three times.

But never a kiss.

Sometimes you'd want to kiss him after a long session, just because you were overflowing with endorphins and wanted to find another way to express your appreciation. But you held back, respecting Neteyam and you in a way - because you knew when the time came it would be amazing.

So you're in that position now. It started with you and Neteyam doing your duties around the clan, and when he finished up he came by to watch you until you were done. You were preparing food for some of the children and elderly you looked after when Neteyam snuck up behind you and danced his fingers around the front of your torso. His tail tickled your thigh and he hummed in the crook of your neck. Sweetly, he swayed you back and forth, even beginning to hum a song...

then you felt him against your ass.

He must've been pent up all day. So you teased him by moving your hips against his, offering him a pathetic amount of friction. He sighed into your shoulder.

"What's going on back there?" You murmured, continuing to prepare food.

His warm breath and sultry lips found your ear, "I have been thinking about you all day. I think about the noises you make and I get hot. Let me make you feel good."

Not long after that you had your duties fulfilled, we're back at your shared space, and had Neteyam pressing inside of you. The fill was familiar but still as toe curling as the first time.

One hand cradled your head, the other slotted under your arm and keeping him from releasing all his weight onto you. Your legs were on his hips, fingers in his hair or tickling his face. Neteyam had set a loving pace with a wonderful angle so he could hear you gasp and whine. Even his pelvis ground against your clit, hitting all the marks.

Like clockwork, your sweat began to mix and your legs and arms began to shift to find a better way to just be closer and to feel each other better. With the little prep you had, Neteyam had unintentionally trained you to be lustful for him at the feel of his fingers, or the embarrassing imprint of him on your backside. As fun as foreplay could be, sometimes diving in really added a level of intensity you both enjoyed.

With your climax's on the horizon, Neteyam pulled away from your sweat clad torso to view you in all your glory. A few strands of hair framing your face, eyes half lidded and loving, lips parted for your genuine moans to slip out.

And though these were individual things Neteyam loved to see while he was drilling into you, everything combined to create a gorgeous being that he was over the moon for.

You were beautiful.

Even when your back arched and your jaw dropped you were just fantastic. It was like this every time. And every time he wanted to kiss you, but for a reason unknown, it didn't pique his interest. The intentions were there, but following through was daunting.

He had denied you long enough.

With you clenching around him and wriggling through your orgasm, Neteyam caught your attention with his hand cupping your cheek and leaned down.

For a second he hovered, your eye lashes kissing more than your lips. Your noses bumped against each other's cheeks. Even your nipples grazed his chest. It was when Neteyam finished inside of you, he let that gap close, you joining the effort.

Your lips slotted together so well, so affectionately. He hummed and you purred, both of you seeing shooting stars behind your eyes. There was an extra heartbeat in Neteyam's chest.

Your mate loved fucking you, he really did. But this new combination of the delicacy of a kiss mixed with the roughness happening below your loincloths was something to behold. With you, no less.

While there were fireworks, there was also a deep sense of home. He now new there was no reason to be afraid, and there never was. He was glad he reserved this moment because it sealed his enamor for you in a number of ways.

After realizing breathing was a necessary function, you both momentarily gasped for air. Immediately, your gazes met and observed the fluctuation in your pupils. You swore you saw little hearts twinkling about. All you could do was smile and pull him back in for another one. What else was there to do but soak up this moment?

And when Neteyam's lips collided with yours, the fireworks erupted again! And again, and again. Even when you two had cleaned up and called it an evening, Neteyam wanted to swoop in and kiss you, it was his way of saying, "I love you."

[allamericansbitch]

since y'all seemed to want this.... here's the live notes i took while listening to each song for the first time (bold are thoughts i had during later listens)

fortnight: 

‘i was a functioning alcohol till nobody noticed my new aesthetic’ what the fuck does that even mean…

love the fact she gave post the female collab treatment. don’t wanna hear what he has to say. 

they’re voices sound actually good together? 

some pockets of the melody are catchy

okay i don’t hate this 

ttpd:

her red flags are on fire in this song lol

this seems very half-cooked

also jacks weird mixing continues to plague us all

CHARLIE PUTH???? WHAT THE FUCK WHY HE HERE

tattooed golden retriever??? ……no way

my boy breaks all his favorite toys:

i blinked and it’s half over

this also is like… half cooked and didn’t need to be released tbh

i love the way she sings the second verse tho

down and:

the production does not match the vibe

did tpain produce this

i’m… kinda bored lol

like i have nothing to say this also didn’t need to be released tbh 

this grew on me a lot actually

so long london 

the production is so futuristic? 

oh im obsessed with how she sounds on this one

her talk-singing in the verses is great

honest lyrics without any clunky unnecessary metaphors! a win!!

the fast-paced verses with th slow chorus is really really cool

a favorite so far

daddy i love him

i can barely hear her? the bad mixing continues 

‘growing up precociously sometimes means not growing up at all’ oh yeah WE KNOW

is this…… is this about her dating matty and loving how people hate him… no fucking way she’s this stupid

SHE IS BEING THIS STUPID

‘it’s white noise’ yeah yeah that’s exactly how id describe him  

.... anyway y'all remember when fans really believed the little mermaid theory and this song was supposed to be about how 'joe stole her voice' lmaooo

we will pretend this one doesn't exist!

fresh out the slammer

are we getting another ‘i didn’t cheat technically’ song lol

what is this weird tempo change….

okay kinda catchy

it’s sounds exactly like you are in love at the end….. jack is really out of tricks

florida

‘my friends all smell like weed or little babies’ what the fuck is she even talking about anymore 

i’m sorry but i’m laughing at the phrase ‘fuck me up florida’

again the production sounds so detached from the vocals 

i honestly still have no idea how i feel about this one

guilt as sin

an real instrument?? wow crazy 

okay she’s kinda cute? catchy and fun, love the melody

i love when she goes up at the end of the vocal 

okay…. i don’t mind this one she’s catchy, a little too long and drawn out but cute

who’s afraid of little old me?

what is this production? it’s way too soft to be as threatening as they’re trying for 

why did jack push her vocals back so far when she’s supposed to scream…. that’s ruins the whole thing…. she’s supposed to be screaming and threatening….. not quiet and far away…. hello

this song is trying very hard to be threatening but it’s not... vigilante shit 2.0

‘you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum they raised me’…………… upper middle-class pennsylvania? 

‘i’m drunk on my own tears isn’t that what they all say, that’ll  sue you if you step on my lawn’ okay bar?

the bridge was good but that’s about it.

i can fix him 

…………… not another matty song oh god

‘i can handle a dangerous man’…… im too stunned to speak this is so embarrassing 

wow taylor really is that girl who like ‘women supporting women’ and then dates/defends a racist bf…. a walking example of white feminism

intersectional feminism found dead.... twice....

loml

okay this is really nice? 

I WAS ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE SONG WHY DID SHE RUIN IT BY SAYING ‘MR STEAL YOUR GIRL’ 💀

if we ignore that one line we're good this is good. im refusing to let that line ruin such a good song

i can do it with a broken heart

‘bitch smile’ why are there so many cringey lyrics on this album lol

what is this song omg why do i kind of like it 

taylor please learn depressed isn’t a synonym for sad 

they recycled the mastermind production 

wait till taylor finds out most of the entire world is sad while they're doing their job and has to pretend they're not

smallest man who ever lived 

oh i think i like this?

‘you said normal girls were boring’ GIRL AND YOU DIDNT IMMEDIATELY GET UP AND LEAVE??? EWWWW??? she's not beating the pick-me allegations

'i just wanna know if rusting my sparking summer was the goal' okay love that line

i like this a lot

the alchemy

no….. no way this is real

i cannot

THE SPORTS METAPHORS WE JOKED SHED DO THAT AND SHE ACTUALLY DID IT OH NO 

touchdown ✅ teams ✅ benches ✅ winning streak ✅ the league ✅

she’s doing…… the worst thing ever this is so laughable 

the corny lyrics are on overload 

‘this time it’s heroine with an e’ didn’t she write folklore? i can’t remember 

that literally was an snl parody of a taylor song

clara bow

love how the guitar sounds… bet money this is an aaron track 

a stevie nicks reference!! a win!!!

i like this one a lot no cringey lyrics yet

nope never mind she name-dropped herself don’t like that

overall really liked it tho

the black dog

i think i like it?? this is kind of what i expected the album to be

okay for once the weird production choices kind of pay off

imgonnagetyouback

kinda catchy? 

she loves a fancy car getting wrecked line

the pre-choruses are the best part 

this would’ve been better without the jack of it all bc he loves a song that doesnt build to anything

this just comes down to personal preference: i don’t like her lighter vocals with jack’s heavy production (ie most of lover lol)

the albatross

a real instrument!!! production that matches taylor’s voice and is well mixed!!! aaron’s arrived!! 

i think it’s solid, has good writing and she sounds great. that's about it.

chloe or sam or…

took me a solid minute to have any semblance of a fuck to know what was going on but okay

okay i love this one

wayyyy more emotive than like… most of the original album

a lot of the 2nd version (or whatever this is lol) are way more emotive, maybe because her voice isnt drenched in reverb so we can actually hear her voice emote better

how did it end

this sounds like an old school adele song? 

i love this one too…. 

her being upset people wanna know what happened but then also feeding it while promoting the album oop 

i love the story of this one it's so refreshing

so high school

THE PRODUCTION is so good ugh aaron never fails 

the man here is a walking red flag girl and the lyrics are ~not it~ but the production is too pretty to hate it

fuck these lyrics are so bad lol

maybe if i disassociate hard enough i can ignore the lyrics and just listen to the production and vibe

give me a karaoke version of this song and we'd be so back

i hate it here

i mentioned disassociation and she made a whole song about it!!!! this one’s mine!!!! 

‘without all the racists’ GIRL HUH

WHAT WAS THE REASON

also... girl don’t act like we don’t know you’re fine with that lololololol

if i had a dime for every time i was liking a song to then have it slapped away because of a bad, out-of-pocket lyric…… 

thank you aimee

this isn’t grabbing my attention 

oh the bridge is interesting 

it’s meh 

i will never be thanking the people that bullied me thanks tho

i look in peoples windows 

what do you mean aaron didn’t produce this??? it’s well-made and has instruments? 

i love this one, again a really interesting and unique concept that's very refreshing to hear at this point when a lot of the songs feel repetitive

the prophecy

aaron guitar!!!! 

she’s nice i like her 

i've really grown to love how she sings this one, the melodies are cool.. however i feel like we've heard the same melody.. like on this exact album... where she upturns at the end of every line...

cassandra 

this seems very…. familiar… idk i feel like we’ve covered this (i mean there are 31 songs we’ve already covered everything lol)

this is such an aaron song, that's a classic 'the national' piano

i like her voice in this one tho, sounds good

peter

oh love i love this

now this? THIS feels the most like a taylor swift song

once again she’s at her best with a simple instrument and emotive simple lyrics

the piano reminds me of champagne problems

the bolter 

i like this! the chorus is so cute

oh i like that ending line a lot!

she’s cute, a little long and drawn out but cute

robin

i haven’t seen anyone talk about this one

welp…. i literally have no feelings toward this one but sounds pretty! 

the manuscript

oh this is soooooooo powerful 

i love this concept 

her ending the album on another introspective album that sums everything up a la dear reader yep yep!!

if you actually read of this ily 💗

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Hi heart I would love an order of Paul aron with the song Renegade Aaryan Shah smut plis 😻

Paul Aron x Fem!Reader

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

Instagram

As the opening bars of Renegade thumped through the speakers, I felt the bass vibrate through my body. I was at the club, my body moving to the music, the lights flashing, and the alcohol coursing through my veins. I spotted him across the crowded dance floor; his blond hair shining under the strobing lights, those intense blue eyes fixed on me. His name was Paul, a Formula 2 driver, and he oozed confidence and sex appeal. I felt my pussy clench as our eyes locked, a jolt of electricity coursing through me. 

The music took over, and I let my body move with the beat, my hips swaying, my hands running through my hair. I could feel his eyes on me, burning with desire, and I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. The lyrics thumped out, "I'm a renegade, built this kingdom up from ash and clay," and I imagined Paul and me, building our own kingdom of pleasure, our own world of taboo desires and erotic adventures. 

As the song reached its climax, I felt a hand on my waist, and then his lips were on my neck, his breath hot against my skin. Paul whispered, his voice deep and husky, "Let's get out of here." I didn't need to be asked twice; my body was on fire, and I needed release. We pushed our way through the heaving crowd, hands brushing, lips almost touching, the anticipation driving me wild. 

We fell into the back seat of his car, our lips finally crashing together, tongues dueling, hands exploring. I felt his hard dick pressed against my thigh, and I moaned into his mouth, grinding my hips against him. Paul broke the kiss, looking at me with fiery desire. "I've wanted you all night," he growled, his hands squeezing my thighs. "You're so fucking sexy." I smiled, biting my lip, my hands reaching for his belt. "Then what are you waiting for?" I teased. "Take me." 

With urgency, he pulled me onto his lap, my legs straddling his waist, his hands grasping my ass. I could feel his dick, hard and throbbing, and I lowered myself onto him, moaning as he filled me. Paul's hands gripped my hips, guiding my movements as I rode him, my tits bouncing, my hair falling around my face. I leaned back, giving him a view of my body, my hands reaching behind to squeeze my ass as I rode him harder. "Fuck, you feel so good," he grunted, his eyes fixed on my breasts. "Keep riding that dick, baby." 

I sped up, my pussy clenching around him, the car rocking with our movements. I felt so full, so alive, and I knew I was going to cum hard. As if reading my mind, Paul reached between us, his thumb finding my clit, rubbing it in circles as I bucked my hips. "Cum for me," he demanded, his voice hoarse. "Let me feel that tight pussy squeeze me." And I did. I cried out, my body shaking, my pussy pulsing as wave after wave of pleasure washed over me. Paul groaned, his dick twitching inside me, and I felt his hot cum filling me up, our juices mixing together. 

We kissed, breathless, our hearts pounding. I sat back on his lap, his dick still inside me, feeling deliciously full. "That was just the start," he whispered, his hands stroking my thighs. "Now, I want to taste you." With that, he lifted me off his lap and laid me back on the seat, spreading my legs wide. I felt the cool night air on my hot skin as he lowered his head between my thighs, his tongue flicking my clit, sending shocks of pleasure through me. He ate me out like a starving man, his tongue and lips working me over, his hands gripping my thighs tightly. 

I moaned, my hands tangling in his blond hair, guiding his mouth to my sensitive spots. "Mmm, you taste so fucking sweet," he murmured, his breath hot against my soaked pussy. I cried out as he sucked my clit, his fingers entering me, curling inside to hit that magic spot. I bucked my hips, my body tensing, and I came hard, my juices flooding his mouth. Paul moaned in appreciation, lapping up my cum, his fingers never stopping their delicious assault. 

After I came down from my high, Paul kissed his way up my body, his lips marking my skin, his hands caressing my breasts. I felt his hardness against my thigh again, and I smiled, knowing he wasn't done with me yet. He positioned himself at my entrance, teasing me with the tip of his dick. "I want to fuck you doggy style," he growled, his voice thick with desire. "I want to watch that perfect ass as I take you from behind." I shivered with anticipation, getting on all fours and presenting myself to him. 

Paul entered me slowly, filling me up, his hands grasping my hips. "You like that, baby?" he asked, his voice low and sexy. "You like my cock deep inside you?" I nodded, biting my lip, feeling his length stretch me deliciously. "Fuck yes," I moaned. "Now, pound that pussy. Make me yours." With that, he began to thrust, his hips slamming into me, his balls slapping against my clit with each deep stroke. "Damn, your pussy feels incredible," he grunted, his hands squeezing my ass cheeks. "It grips my cock like a fucking vice." 

We found a rhythm, our bodies moving together, the car rocking with the force of our passion. I cried out with each thrust, feeling his thickness stretching me, his balls slapping my sensitive clit. "Cum for me again," he demanded. "I want to feel you explode around my cock." And I did, screaming his name, my body shaking, my pussy pulsing as I rode wave after wave of bliss. Paul grunted, his fingers digging into my soft flesh, and I felt him explode inside me, his hot cum shooting deep. 

We collapsed in a sweaty, satisfied heap, our hearts racing, our breath coming in ragged gasps. I felt Paul's cum leaking from my well-fucked pussy, and I smiled, knowing we'd created our own kingdom of pleasure, our own renegade world of uninhibited sex and passion. "That was incredible," I whispered, turning to face him, our foreheads touching. "I can't wait for the next adventure." 

As the song says, "We be riding 'til the sun up," and I knew that Paul and I would ride this night out, exploring each other's bodies and pushing the limits of our sexual desires. It was just the beginning of our erotic odyssey.

[thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos]

NSFW Grind On Me

18+ content - Minors DNI

Bayverse Raph One-Shot

Listen to buy u a drank by t-pain to set the mood haha

all turts are in their 30s, mentions alcohol

It was game night at the lair, which had turned into having a few drinks and some fun, clumsy dancing with your four mutant turtle friends. You loved how easy it was to let go and have a good time with them, enjoying the slow buzz of the alcohol thrumming through your body as you twirled around to Mikey's favorite playlist.

The guys were feeling the buzz too, and as each new song would come on a different turtle would grab you by the hand and steal you for a dance. The smile plastered on your face was permanent as you swayed and laughed with Leo and Donnie, who were both more interested in singing along to the tracks than dancing.

Mikey was thoroughly enjoying your squeals when it was his turn, flipping you around and twirling you like he was on Dancing With The Stars to a chorus of "oohs" and "ahhs" from his brothers. Mike was such a great dancer, you were almost sad when his song had ended, but you were also sweating like crazy and needed a break. He let you up from the dip over his knee, and you patted him on the shoulder with a smile.

As you sauntered back to the game table and took another drink of your tequila pineapple, you grinned to yourself as Mikey bragged to Leo and Donnie about your moves. You were a great dancer, and you knew it.

As the next track came on, a familiar sound came over the stereo. You loved this song.

"Hey."

You turned around and were face to face with an oh-so familiar wall of green muscle and red accents. Raph smirked down at you, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"Wanna dance?"

You smiled and nodded slowly back at him, and let him lead you back to where he had been standing near the impromptu "dance floor". The song had kicked into full gear now, and as the lyrics played over the speakers he twirled you into his chest, his leg coming to rest in-between yours and his hand resting low on your hips.

I know the club close at three What's the chances of you rollin' with me? Back to the crib, show you how I live Let's get drunk, forget what we did

Your skin was buzzing with excitement as you danced together, deliciously close. Raph was surprisingly light on his feet, moving you around the dance floor swiftly but keeping you close to him all the while. As the song went on he spun you out with a flick of his wrist, but brought you back in so your back was to his plastron, his hands catching you at your hips.

Let's get gone, walk it out Just like that, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout We gon' have fun, you gon' see On that Patrón you should get like me

You could feel his hips gently grind against you in time to the beat, sending shivers up your spine. You ground back against him, leaning back into his plastron and rubbing your ass into him. His breath hitched at the contact.

We in the bed like, ooh, ooh, ooh We in the bed like, ooh, ooh, ooh

You reached a hand up as the music enraptured the two of you, grazing over the skin of his neck and twisting your fingers in his mask tails. Raph released his grip of your hips and let his hands roam over your body as if burning it to his memory.

As he continued his sinful grind to the beat, he lifted your other arm up to his neck and lightly scrubbed his lips over the skin of your bicep as he huskily sang along.

I'm checking your body language, I love the conversation And when you lick your lips I get a tingling sensation Now were both 'bout tipsy, you say you in the mood All I need is 'bout a hour, better yet maybe two

You could feel the heat settling in your core as you felt his breath on your skin, the way his luscious lips grazed the delicate spot on your arm had a breathy whine escaping your lungs before you could think twice about it. He smiled into your arm, and turned his head to graze the shell of your ear with his pout as he continued singing quietly along, just for you.

We in the bed like, ooh, ooh, ooh We in the bed like, ooh, ooh, whoa

You bit your lip to keep from mewling in front of his brothers. You couldn't believe this was finally happening, after years of pining for Raphael he was finally making a move. And holy shit, was this a move.

As you kept swaying your hips together, trying to not melt into a complete puddle on the dance floor, Raph let his canine scrape over your ear and you lost all semblance of composure.

A sudden, needy moan tumbled from your lips, and Raphael tensed behind you. You closed your eyes in embarrassment, sure that his brothers had heard you. But before you could think about anything else, Raph stepped in front of you, taking your face in his hands.

He leaned in, hesitant now, and gently kissed you, placing the sweetest of kisses on your rosy pout. His lips were softer than you had imagined, but still firm enough to be addictive. As he pulled away you licked your lips, eyes pleading him for more. He watched your tongue swipe over your bottom lip, and you saw your own hunger reflected back at you. He cleared his throat nervously.

"My room?"

"Yes please."

With a smirk, he nodded at you and lifted you up into his arms, your legs straddling his core and his hands under your ass as he carried you off.

The turtles looked at each other as Raph's bedroom door closed shut.

"Well it's about time, am I right guys?!" Mikey joked, putting his hand up for a high-three from his brothers. A chorus of groans were covered by the next song coming over the speakers.

[localgremlinboy]

I have been sitting on these for a long time because I wanted to have some more varied stuff but I haven't had time to write anything! So here's what I've got! Honestly these are some of my favorites

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6]

- Whenever he's kicked out of an area or event, Oswald proceeds to start shoving anything not taped down into his pockets. He doesn't need the stuff, he just likes to be petty and ruin it for everyone else

- Bane has done a series of infomercials for various products & services that only air on late night product channels. Alfred is the only batfamily member who knows, he was doing laundry late one night and nearly lost it

- Mr Freeze writes restaurants/companies when they wrong him. Like nice formal letters, signing them and everything

- The Joker has an imdb page. Actually a lot of the villains do but like the Joker has one he updates with fun facts. Who says they're accurate but they sure are fun

- Riddler freaking hates puppets. Their soulless eyes say it all. He refuses to or "work" with puppets. That being said, Scarecrow has chased him around with Scarface once or twice "for science"

- Scarecrow has and still does write letters of recommendation for his ex students. He freaking still has Gotham University letterhead paper and everything. Honestly some of his students have gotten the job from his letter alone (maybe it's out of fear but like it's still a win), and they 100% send Jonathan thank you gifts in Arkham. He's got one of those dorky teacher scrapbooks where he keeps the thank you letters. One of his students even crocheted him a little plush scarecrow. It's like, they don't love his crimes but you know that was ol kooky professor Crane for ya

- Harvey kind of has a soft spot for sitcoms, he used to watch them with his mom growing up. One of their favorites, ironically, was night court

- Bane has a famous chili recipe and he makes one batch a year. It's fucking delicious! He makes an edition with meat and a vegetarian version too. Of course consults Ivy for home grown excellent quality vegetables and she gets first dibs in return

- the Joker has not one but TWO released albums. One is essentially a mash up of all the serenades he's made Batman listen to over the years and the other one is called "The Holidays with the Joker: Christmas selects edition"

- Scarecrow's car is a mess. He's got a work truck of course but his main car is like a wood panel sedan that he's been driving since he was a professor and refuses to get a new one. It's a fucking mess, he has like clothes, papers, garbage all over the place. He still has term papers he forgot to grade under the seats. Riddler HATES his car, with a passion

- Riddler has gone through the pain and suffering to teach all the rogues how to use discord, he had once hoped it would make their crimes more efficient. They have a group chat but it's mostly suffering on his end as all chaos ensues

- Scarecrow owns a Halloween train village he has set up in one of his lairs. It plays instrumental versions of Halloween songs as it goes around the track

- Joker will push open cups off of tables because he can. He's got the chaotic energy of a cat awake at 3 am

- Riddler and Scarecrow's friendship starts like super formal and co worker like but after like a year and a half, evolves into a weird symbiosis. Jonathan points at random ass objects or books and goes "you" when he's with Edward. Eddie has a habit of fixing or picking debris of Jonathan, usually when they're crimeing. Also one time, they were both startled so bad by Batman that Scarecrow jumped into riddler's arms like Scooby & shaggy, except they both held onto each other for a second before toppling over. Robin then unmasked them like scooby doo

- Harley & Ivy are frequent Panera customers and often get pick up orders there under "codenames" given by Harley. All the workers know who "Plantmamma" and "the quinnanator" are but like they tip great and everyone should get to enjoy soup

- Bane has one CD in his car, it's a 2010 greatest hits CD that someone accidentally left in there. Who you ask? He has no idea

- Harley has a getaway playlist preloaded in her phone for car chases

- Riddler and Scarecrow watch reality tv/game shows together. They binged all of survivor and the amazing race in a year. It was a joke at first but they both got really into the shows. They have both applied to be on amazing race together and unfortunately haven't been called back

- Joker still uses cassettes (and vinyls probably) except he mixes them himself and labels them all stupid titles like "Birthday bash #9", "Baty's mix", "what's the deal with airplane food?", "etc". But he also has a tape recorder and makes notes to himself and labels those ones too, so he gets his personal notes mixed up with his music jams all the time. He goes to put on some epic clown music and instead it's a twenty minute recording he made of himself eating fruit loops

[scarlettjemily]

I Love You So (please let me go)

I have a Jemily playlist on spotify and I shuffle it and write a fic inspired by the song

Song: I Love You So - The Walters (from @moonflowerxox's Jemily playlist)

Pairing: Emily Prentiss/Jennifer "JJ" Jareau

Summary: Emily and JJ started off as something casual but their feelings got messy. Emily leaves the BAU, only to return when she finds out JJ has been kidnapped. Their feelings are still just as messy.

Warning: 18+ only, Mild Smut, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied R/Non-Con (literally no details), Blood and Violence, Gun Violence, JJ getting kidnapped. Sorry if i forgot anything else???

Word count: 7.3k

Posted on Ao3 as well

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Emily mumbled against JJ's lips, both of their hands desperately tearing at each other’s clothes as they stumbled into the hotel room.

"Emily, shut up and just fuck me; you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about doing this for years.” JJ ripped open Emily’s blouse, the silver buttons popping open with ease. She groaned at the site of Emily’s bare skin, her breasts covered by a black lacy bra. She leant down, biting and sucking the skin of her breast. She pulled one of the cups down, taking her hard nipple in her mouth and flicking it with her tongue.

Emily gasped, feeling JJ bite down on her nipple. “You’re right, fuck it,” she breathed out. A wave of confidence surged through her; she picked up the blonde girl by the hips, her legs locking around her waist.

JJ laughed into the kiss as Emily brought her over to the bed. She let out a little squeak when she threw her down on the mattress.

“One time, yeah? Nothing more,” Emily stated, pulling her blouse off and throwing it to the floor. JJ nodded in agreement, unbuttoning her own shirt as well. Emily unbuckled her belt and let her slacks drop to the floor. “And no one can find out about this, okay?”

JJ rolled her eyes, throwing her shirt at Emily. “Yes, okay, no one can know. Now shut up and come here.”

“Okay, twice. We are only going to do this twice,” Emily groaned, feeling JJ’s hand dip into the waist of her pants and underwear. She was pressed up against the hotel room door, with JJ's lips attached to her neck. Her fingers started to make clumsy circles on Emily’s clit, making her head drop back against the door.

“Mhmm twice, sure,” JJ chuckled, releasing the skin of her neck with a ‘pop’ and removing her hand from her pants. She dropped to her knees, making quick work of removing Emily’s pants. She lifted one of Emily’s legs over her shoulder as her tongue ran through the woman’s folds. She looked up at Emily, her eyes closing as she groaned. When Emily’s hands gripped onto her ponytail, JJ knew this wasn’t going to be the last time they slept together.

“Emily, JJ, I’m sorry to even ask you this, but is it okay if you two share a room?” Hotch asked, approaching the two women who were sitting next to each other on the jet. They were about to head off to consult on a case. “There’s two separate beds; you know, I wouldn’t usually ask this, but it’s quite last minute, and it’s all we could get. If it’s a serious problem, I’ll figure something out.”

"No, no, it’s fine, Hotch. We don’t mind, do we, Emily?” JJ looked over at Emily, a knowing smile on her face. She was trying hard to contain her excitement because she knew whenever they were alone, they couldn’t help themselves.

Emily wanted to groan but she stopped herself. She forced a smile and waved her hand, attempting to look natural. “No worries, Hotch, we’re fine,” he nodded, thanking the women before leaving to go sit in his seat. Emily rolled her eyes and pushed JJ's hand away from her leg. “Stop it,” she insisted, giving JJ a stern look.

JJ just laughed, “Oh what? You’re not excited? Come on, it’s been way too long,” she leant in closer to Emily, leaning on her arm rest. “We can have a bit of fun, yeah?” She whispered.

Emily sighed, leaning her head in her hands. “JJ, are you not dating that cop? Whatever his name is,” she said, looking over at the girl beside her.

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Who? Will? It’s not serious, Emily; we’ve only been on a couple of dates,” she said, not phased by it at all. “Come on, what do you say? It doesn’t mean anything anyway.” She scooted closer, so she was a couple of inches from Emily’s ear. “Will doesn’t make me cum like you do, Em,” she whispered, making sure to breathe on Emily’s ear, knowing how sensitive she is to that.

Emily shuddered, feeling JJ’s hot breath on the shell of her ear. She had to turn her head away just to compose herself. No matter how many times she told herself to not sleep with JJ again, when she started playing her little games, Emily couldn’t resist. She told herself it meant nothing, that it was just a bit of fun. It may have started that way, but it was so far from that now. "Fine,” Emily mumbled before getting up and moving seats. Emily hated this; she hated fucking JJ and being reminded how little she meant to the other woman, but because she’s in love with her, she’ll take her in any kind of capacity she can.

It was the final night of the case; they’d been working relentlessly for just over a week to solve it and decided to go out to a bar to unwind once they’d wrapped it up. The team was gathered around a table, each with a drink in hand. The vibe was relaxed; they’d worked hard, and now they wanted to wind down a little before their flight in the morning.

Emily took a sip of her whisky, her eyes trailing over to the bar across the room. JJ was leaning up against it, holding a beer, and talking to some random guy who was sitting there. Emily was fuming. She’d spent the last 8 days sharing a room with JJ, fucking JJ, and as soon as they’re in the bar, she’s flirting with a guy. Emily kept sipping at her drink, trying not to let any sort of reaction show on her face. That wouldn’t go down well in a room full of profilers, especially when lying was involved. She watched as JJ leant into the guy and began kissing him. Her heart dropped into her stomach. She threw back the rest of her drink, slamming her glass down on the table. Not meaning to hit it so hard, “I’m not feeling well, guys; I’m going back to the hotel. I’ll see you in the morning,” she announced, getting up and storming out before anyone could question the validity of her words.

Emily headed straight back to the hotel room, slamming the door shut behind her. Tears fall from her eyes. “What am I doing?” She whispered to herself, running her hands through her dark hair.

She tried to distract herself by packing her bags so they’d be ready for their flight, but she found that task difficult while crying. Eventually she gave up, stripping down to her underwear and crawling under the covers of one of the beds. She wrapped herself up tightly in the blankets, hoping the pressure around her body would ease her sobs. Unfortunately, she was too far gone. Her cries were loud, and her body shook as she tried to muffle the sounds with the blanket.

Emily froze when she heard the lock of the door rustle. She swallowed her cries when she heard her name being called from out in the hall. She wiped her eyes and flipped over so her back was to the door, burying her face into her pillow and trying her best to pretend to be asleep. There was not a chance she’d be able to stay composed if she came face-to-face with JJ.

“Emily? Are you awake?” JJ yelled in an attempt to whisper, the alcohol in her system clearly impairing her ability to judge how loud she was actually being. She saw the woman curled up in the bedsheets, looking like she was wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. She crawled onto the bed, looking for Emily’s head, which was barely visible. She pouted when she saw she was asleep; she grunted as if it were an inconvenience to her that the brunette was asleep. "Boring,” she mumbled, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead before hopping out and moving into her own bed so she could get some sleep.

It took every ounce of energy in Emily’s body to not react or make a noise as tears welled up in her eyes again. She bit down hard on the blanket, feeling as though she’d held her breath until she heard the little snores coming from JJ, indicating the girl was finally asleep. She lay there all night, her mind going wild; she didn’t know how long she could do this to herself.

“Hey, what’s your deal? I woke up this morning and you’d already left; why didn’t you wait for me?” JJ sat in the chair across from Emily, clearly annoyed that she had to find her own way to the jet.

“I wasn’t feeling well; I had a horrible sleep,” she lied, pleading internally for JJ to just drop it. “I just wanted to get to the jet early; it’s nothing.”

JJ rolled her eyes. “A bit dramatic, Em; you still could’ve waited for me,” she scoffed, not being able to suppress her annoyance.

Emily just stood up and walked to the other end of the jet, lying across the seats and wrapping herself tightly in a blanket. She couldn’t do this right now.

JJ watched with confusion etched on her face. She went to stand up, but a hand held her back.

“Leave her; she’s not feeling well. Don’t push her; you can talk to her later,” Rossi said, patting JJ's knee. The natural authority in his voice made JJ grumble and sit back in her seat, crossing her arms like a petulant child.

“You have no choice! You’re coming to my birthday drinks!” Penelope stomped her foot like a child; she was standing in front of Emily, who was sitting at her desk. “You have not come out with the team in forever; you always bail now. What happened to you?” She pressed, not wanting to let Emily get away with her antisocial behaviour.

Emily hadn’t been out with the team since she and JJ shared a hotel room together. She had to distance herself from her ever since. Trying to move on from a woman you see every single day is impossible; now add in seeing each other after hours. And alcohol? It’s guaranteed not to work. Especially not when JJ would find any excuse to throw herself at Emily when given the chance. “Who’s going?” She asked, contemplating the idea for a split second. She felt bad saying no to Penelope because she was right; she has bailed on every gathering they had in the past 9 months.

“Everyone here! Me, Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Reid, and JJ, and she’s bringing Will. Please Emily?!” She begged.

Emily caved and decided she would go. Penelope was one of her closest friends; she was doing it for her. She hoped that if JJ was bringing Will, then she’d leave her alone. She most likely would, seeing as though Emily has barely spoken a word to the girl in 9 months. Only speaking to her if it was related to work. Emily didn’t even congratulate her when she and Will got engaged 2 months ago. She just couldn’t let herself go there. Not when she’d come so far in trying to get over her.

“It’s good to see you out, Prentiss; we missed you.” Morgan wrapped his arm around Emily’s shoulder and clinked his beer against her glass of whisky.

She smiled, taking a small sip of her drink. “You know how Penelope is with her words; I don’t think there was ever a chance of me not coming,” Morgan laughed, easily agreeing with her because he knew exactly what Penelope was like. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom; can you watch my drink?” She asked, passing her drink over. He nodded, taking a hold of her drink, not thinking twice. She walked through the crowd and headed for the bathroom. She was surprisingly enjoying her night; she wasn’t regretting her choice just yet. That was until one of the toilet stall doors flung open and JJ stumbled out as Emily was walking in.

“Well, well, Emily Prentiss. So nice to see you. What’s it been? Like a year since we last spoke?” She seethed in a drunken haze. She was pissed, and the alcohol was making her brave.

“Not now, JJ. Please don’t do this." Emily tried to push past the woman, but JJ wouldn’t let her.

“If not now, then when? Cause you sure as hell don’t speak to me anymore, shit, you don’t even look at me,” JJ said, Emily still not being able to make eye contact with her.

"Seriously, JJ, what do you want from me? Why do you care? You’re engaged to Will now. I was just a quick fuck for you, wasn’t I?” She was angry now as well, not being able to bite her tongue.

JJ scoffed, letting out a forced laugh. “You were a quick fuck? I was the quick fuck! I meant nothing to you! And you never passed up a chance to tell me that!”

Emily looked at JJ like she was completely insane. “You must be so fucking drunk right now because you were always the one telling me it meant nothing. We would fuck, and then you’d be hooking up with guys the same night! You’re delusional, JJ; you’re fucking clueless. I loved you; I was completely in love with you, but I was nothing to you.” Tears of anger sat on the rims of her eyelids, but there was no way she would let them fall.

JJ felt as though all the air had been sucked out of her lungs from hearing Emily’s admission. “Tell me, Emily. Tell me to leave him, and I will.” She didn’t know why she was saying this, but it came out, and it was too late to stop it. There was a part of her that had always loved Emily. “I’ll leave him for you if you tell me to right now.” It must’ve been the alcohol in her system, because there was never a time when she’d ever even come close to confessing her feelings for Emily.

“Fuck me, you’re insane,” Emily’s hand slapped against her own forehead as she listened to the words leaving JJ's mouth. “I’m done, JJ. I’m leaving; you need to let me go. You need to fucking let me move on. Marry Will and I’m begging you, please forget about me,” she turned to leave the bathroom, but JJ ran, situating herself between Emily and the exit.

"No, Emily, I’m not done with you. I can’t forget about you; you’re not nothing; you never were.” JJ was pleading now, desperation the only thing evident on her face.

Emily took in a deep breath, stepping forward so her face was mere inches from JJ’s. “You should’ve thought about that before you treated me like I was nothing but a quick fuck when you were bored.” Her voice was stern and controlled, a stark contrast to what she was feeling inside. “Now move out of the fucking way, Jennifer.”

JJ stepped to the side without a word; what could she say? She had no answer to that whatsoever. She dropped back against the wall after Emily left, her hands in her hair. Tears of frustration rolling down her cheeks. She’d fucked up big time, and she didn’t think there would be a way out of it.

"JJ, can you please see me in my office?” Hotch requested as he walked up the stairs into his office, leaving the door open for JJ to come inside. She followed promptly, closing the door behind her.

“What’s up?” She said it casually, not expecting much of this conversation.

“I’ve got some bad news; it’s about Emily.” Worry immediately flowed through JJ, waiting to hear what the bad news was. “She’s resigned, JJ. She filled me in on your history together and insisted I not tell you until she was gone.”

JJ was confused; she couldn’t quite pinpoint the emotions she was feeling. They were quickly becoming messy inside her mind as she tried to process what Hotch was telling her. “No, Emily wouldn’t do that. I know we’re fighting right now, but she would never do that. I have to go speak to her.” Her voice was trembling, the possibility of tears increasing with each moment.

“She’s left the country. JJ, she got a job at Interpol. She’s on her way to London already." Hotch knew this would be tough on JJ. He didn’t necessarily agree with Emily’s choices, but he had to respect them.

“Without saying goodbye to any of us? She just left the entire team.” Hotch’s silence told JJ everything she needed to know. “Oh, so you all knew and not a single one of you told me?” She could finally pinpoint an emotion; she was angry. She didn’t care to hear his reply because Hotch had the capability to talk sense into anyone, and JJ didn’t want that. She stormed out of his office and straight out of the building, ignoring any attempts that people made to talk to her.

JJ entered her home, slamming the door closed as hard as she could. She was frantic; she couldn’t believe Emily actually did this. She was heartbroken. She knew things were bad between them, but the Emily she knew wouldn’t do this. HER Emily would simply not do something this bad to her.

She grabbed her phone, her trembling fingers tapping at the screen. She put her phone on private and immediately called Emily’s number. She knew there would be no chance of her answering if Emily knew it was JJ.

“Hello, Emily Prentiss speaking.”

A rush of pure, uncontrollable anger flashed through her body when she heard Emily’s voice. “How could you do this?” Her voice shook as she spoke. She was trying to control her anger, but it was only a matter of time until she exploded or completely broke down.

"No, I’m not doing this. I’m hanging up, JJ.”

JJ shook her head, despite not being able to be seen by the other woman. "Please,” she choked out, tears starting to spill from her eyes. “Please Em, come back; you can’t leave me,” she sobbed, moving to sit down wherever she was; she couldn’t hold herself up anymore. Her head was spinning.

Emily closed her eyes tightly, hearing JJ begin to sob and beg her to come back. Her heart jolted with every cry. “I can't, JJ; I have to go, and you need to let me move on.” Her hard exterior was beginning to drop while listening to JJ cry through the phone. She’d never heard her cry like this before.

“I’m sorry, Emily; I’m so sorry for everything.” She didn’t know what else to say. It was pretty evident that Emily wasn’t going to come back. “I love you,” she whispered, wiping her nose with the end of her sleeve.

“I loved you too, JJ.”

JJ dug into her handbag, looking for her keys, as she walked towards her car. Her hand mindlessly shuffled through the bottom of her bag, not being able to find them. She was getting frustrated; she stopped walking so she could look into her bag properly, but before she could, something hard came down against her head, knocking her to the floor. She was taken off guard; she hadn’t seen anyone around. Surely she wouldn’t have missed someone following her? She would never have missed someone. She grunted, grabbing at her head where she was hit; her hand came back covered in blood, but before she could do anything, she was hit over the head again.

JJ jolted awake, gasping as hard as she could, the feeling of the oxygen filling her lungs, causing her to become more alert. She flinched and let out a yell when a stream of freezing cold water hit her in the face, the intensity of the flow ripping at her skin. She tried to cover her face with her hands, but she quickly became aware that her hands were tied to the chair she was sitting on. The water stopped, giving her a chance to catch her breath. She wanted to freak out, she wanted to scream, and she wanted to fight, but she knew better. If she wanted to get out of there alive, she needed to assess the situation and work out what her best reaction to this would be.

JJ let out a deep breath, finally working up the courage to open her eyes. She came face to face with the man who was standing in front of her holding a hose. She was instantly confused; she didn’t even recognise him. He was hardly a man, practically a boy. Maybe 18 or 19? “Who are you?” She finally spoke. Bad idea. The boy raised his hand, backhanding her hard across the face. She chewed the inside of her cheek and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain. She didn’t want to show this guy that he’d actually hurt her.

“Are you serious? Who am I?” He grabbed her by the jaw, whipping her head towards him, forcing JJ to look at him. “You ruined my life, and you don’t even have the decency to remember who I am?” His grip on her lower face tightened with each word. It didn’t take a profiler to know that he was angry, but he was specifically angry with JJ.

JJ’s mind was moving at a hundred miles an hour, trying to mentally flick through all the cases they’ve worked on. He couldn’t have been an unsub; 99% of the unsubs they arrested ended up in jail. She was stumped.

Slap. Another back hand to the face. She grunted at the pain, her thought process momentarily pausing as the pain radiated through her face. "Fuck,” she whispered to herself. Her head was slightly dizzy from the second hit. She shook her head and looked back up at him. “I’m sorry I don’t recognise you. If you tell me, we can work out between us how we fix this.”

He chuckled and shook his head, dropping the hose to the ground and taking a few steps towards her. He roughly ran his hand through the hair atop her head, which was soaked from the hose. He gripped it tightly, ripping her head back roughly. She gritted her teeth, but she was still not giving him the satisfaction of the reaction he wanted. “Does William Touhey ring a bell?”

JJ was confused. She remembered the unsub, just barely. He was a long-haul truck driver, kidnapping women, killing them, then dumping them across state lines. It was a simple enough case. “What about him? He was a straight-forward case. We found him; he tried to shoot his way out; he died after we shot him,” the smile dropped from the boy's face, and before JJ could register his expression, his fist came into contact with her face. She yelled loudly; the pain was excruciating. Her eyes began to water, but she couldn’t gauge if it was due to the pain that was coming from her obviously now broken nose or if she was just crying.

“We? Who’s we? You stupid bitch, think about it again.” He was seething; she could hear it in his voice. “Look at me!” He screamed in a deep, guttural voice that truly scared JJ.

She forced herself to look at him, finding it extremely difficult to keep her eyes open. Blood was dripping out of her nose and spilling over her lips. “It was me; I shot him, but I still don’t know what that has to do with you,” she spat out, struggling to speak through the pain and the blood that was filling her throat.

“He was my brother. You killed him,” he reached behind his back, pulling a gun from the waste of his jeans and slowly pressing the barrel against JJ's forehead.

“I didn’t kill him; he shot at us so-“ smack. He hit JJ across the face with the butt of his gun. She let out a sob; she was sure her cheekbone was broken now. The pain was almost unbearable; she was about to pass out.

“My mother killed herself because you killed him. I ended up getting put into foster care. I was 13, do you know what happens to kids in foster care?” JJ could barely hear what he was saying. Her eyes were closed, and she was about to lose consciousness. “Fucking look at me when I’m talking to you!” He screamed.

JJ let out a scream when she heard his gun go off. It was right next to her ear; her whole head went silent, her brain stunned by the loud noise of the gun. She had no idea if he’d shot her or not; the adrenaline running through her body made it harder for her to tell. “I’m looking, I’m looking, please,” she begged, doing everything humanly possible to keep her eyes on him.

“Emily Prentiss speaking,” Hotch heard through the speaker of his phone. His usual stoic persona faltered when he heard Emily’s voice.

“Emily, it’s Hotch. I need your help; we’ve got an emergency. It’s JJ,” he stated. He knew this could go either way; she could hang straight up once she heard the mention of JJ’s name, or maybe she’s moved on enough to hear him out.

“Hotch, you know I’d help you with anything, but JJ is where I draw the line." Emily sat at her desk, leaning back in her chair, sighing deeply at the mention of the woman’s name. It’d been 3 years since she’d seen, spoken, or heard about JJ. She’d well and truly moved on, but she couldn’t help the bodily reaction she felt when it came to JJ.

“She was kidnapped from the BAU’s car park; we can’t find her.”

Emily’s heart stopped; her stomach fell. Kidnapped? “How long has it been?” She asked, standing up, grabbing her bag, and walking out of her office.

“18 hours”

Her pace quickened when she heard that “18 hours?! Hotch, why didn’t you call me earlier?! I’m on my way.” She was already running down the hall of the building before she hung the phone up. This was not good.

“Just kill me; if you want to kill me, just do it,” JJ begged. She was losing hope. She had no idea how long she’d been here; the only thing she knew was that she’d seen the sun come up once, but she’d also passed out multiple times, so that really didn’t mean much. She was still sitting in the chair, covered in blood from her beat-up face. Her wrists were covered in blood from the zip ties.

“I don’t want to kill you. I want you to feel what I felt,” he said, coming up to her and kneeling down. “I want you to suffer the way I did.” His hands rested on her thighs, slowly moving them towards the waistband of her slacks.

JJ began to cry, frantically kicking her legs. “No, no, no, please no,” she pleaded. She used every ounce of energy she had left in her body to fight him off. She didn’t even feel the zip ties digging deeper into the raw wounds on her wrist. She screamed and cried, pleading for him to stop, begging him to kill her instead, but of course, he didn’t listen.

Emily’s hands shook as she held her gun, pointing straight at the unsub. He had his gun pressed up against JJ's temple while he gripped her hair tightly in his fist. She had to stop herself from looking at JJ; otherwise, she’d break, and she couldn’t do that. Not until he was apprehended, then she’d focus on JJ.

“Jeremy, it’s over. There’s no coming back from this. You need to let her go." Hotch said, stepping up next to Emily, his gun sturdier than the former BAU agent. “Jennifer was not responsible for what happened to you. Your brother was a serial killer. He was the problem.”

Jeremy hesitated, shaking his head and pulling JJ's hair tighter, but the woman was so out of it, she barely had a reaction. “No, it was her fault. It has to be her fault,” he cried. He distanced the gun slightly, as if he were going to back down.

Emily’s breath hitched as she watched his hand like a hawk. She saw his thumb quickly move and pull the hammer back on the gun. Emily didn’t hesitate; she focused in on Jeremy and pulled the trigger. She hit him directly in his right shoulder; he dropped the gun and fell back, hitting the ground.

The group of local cops ran in, cuffing Jeremy as he cried and tried to fight against them. He kept going on about JJ being at fault as they dragged him out of the room.

Emily put her gun away and ran straight to JJ. That’s when it finally hit her—how bad JJ actually looked. She was covered in dried blood; her face was completely swollen. Black and purple bruises covered her face like a mask. Her once white blouse was ripped open, revealing her bra and bare torso, which were completely covered in blood. She was naked from the waste down, her slacks sitting around her knees. “JJ, can you hear me?” Emily said dropping to her knees in front of her, her hand subconsciously moving to her neck to check for a pulse, her wrists not an option. Emily sighed in relief when she felt a pulse.

Emily turned to face the rest of the team, who were looking at them with worried looks. “Please, you have to leave,” Emily stated. She just knew JJ wouldn’t want her male teammates to see her like this. Hotch went to protest the decision, but the look on Emily’s face convinced him otherwise. “Not like this, Hotch, let me get her covered, please,” he nodded and left the room along with the rest of the team.

Emily quickly found a knife on a tool shelf that was against the far wall; she cut the zip ties off of JJ's wrists. Blood was getting on her fingers, but she ignored it, the state of her wrists taking up all her attention in that moment. "JJ, can you hear me? It’s Emily,” she tried again, her hand resting on JJ's knee.

JJ jolted awake, screaming and kicking, when she felt a hand on her leg. “Please don’t, please,” she begged, beginning to cry.

“JJ! Stop, it’s Emily. It’s me; I promise you’re safe. You’re safe, JJ,” she dodged JJ's kicks and held her shoulders gently. She was able to place a hand on the side of her face, trying to make eye contact with the woman. "Please, JJ, focus on me; I’m here.”

JJ's eyes frantically scanned Emily’s face, taking a moment to register who she was. Her legs stopped kicking, her body pausing as her chest was heaving from her heavy breathing. “Is it really you?” she choked out, her cries beginning again.

Emily nodded, trying to give her a comforting smile. “I swear it’s me, JJ; it’s really me,” she said, moving her blood-covered hair out of her face, trying not to hit any sore spots.

“You came for me?”

Emily nodded, tears welling up in her own eyes. She took JJ in her arms and hugged her, doing her best not to hurt her face any further. “Yes, I came for you, Jen; of course I did. God, I’m so happy we found you." Emily let herself cry now; she was so worried about JJ. The woman was missing for two days. She’d seen enough cases to know the odds are not favourable when someone is held longer than 24 hours. She was so thankful JJ was alive. “Is it okay if I dress you back up? Are you able to stand?” Emily stood up, holding onto JJ's arms.

“Yeah, I’ll try,” JJ groaned, standing on her shaking legs, but she was able to stay standing, holding Emily’s shoulders for stability. Emily pulled her pants back up, making sure to announce every little movement she was making. Not wanting anything to come as a surprise to JJ. “Are you sure I’m not hallucinating?” JJ asked, still trying to comprehend if Emily was real or not.

Emily chuckled slightly, buttoning up JJ’s blouse. “You’re not hallucinating; I’m completely real. Now let’s get you to the medic” she held JJ around her waist, JJ’s arm holding her around the neck.

“Who’s gonna ride with her?” The paramedic asked, holding open the door to the ambulance. JJ was already lying on the gurney inside; she was awake and alert, currently in conversation with the other paramedic.

Emily stepped back a bit, a little self-conscious now that her adrenaline had worn off. “You should go, Hotch,” she suggested. JJ hadn’t seen her in 3 years, and she was sure the familiarity between the two was minimal, probably nonexistent.

He shrugged and climbed into the back of the ambulance, sitting next to the gurney.

JJ stopped talking to the paramedic, looking at Hotch and shaking her head. The beeping from the heart monitor began to increase in speed. “No, I thought Emily was here.” She asked through a panic; she couldn’t see Emily anymore. Now she was back to questioning if she’d hallucinated the woman. “Where’s Emily?!” She freaked out, pulling off the finger monitor and trying to sit up.

“Hey hey! I’m here, I’m here, JJ,” Emily said after quickly jumping up into the ambulance. She gave Hotch a knowing look, and that was enough for him to understand and leave the vehicle. She swapped spots with him and instantly held onto JJ's hand. She was surprised at how tightly the injured woman was squeezing her hand.

“Don’t leave, please,” JJ pleaded, her tears leaving tracks on her bloodstained cheeks. “I’m not even fully convinced you’re real, but please, for god's sake, don’t leave.”

Emily nodded reassuringly, “I promise you, I’m real. Now just relax; I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here the whole time.”

JJ relaxed a fraction as the ambulance started to make its way to the hospital.

“Hotch, I’m really worried about her,” Emily sighed, standing directly next to him outside JJ's hospital room. They were looking at her through the glass window; she was asleep for now. They cleaned her up and treated her wounds, the main physical damage being her broken nose and fractured cheekbone.

“I know Emily, me too. I don’t want to think about what he did to her." Hotch stood there, his arms crossed over his chest.

“What about Will? Has someone called him?” Emily asked, looking away from JJ to face Hotch.

“Em, JJ broke up with Will not long after you left. She never married him." Hotch thought Emily knew this. She obviously wouldn’t have heard it from JJ, but someone else on the team would’ve told her. “Did you not know that?”

Emily shook her head, looking back at JJ, who was completely still in the bed. “I actually didn’t know that. So she’s got no one?” She questioned. Her heart hurting at the thought of JJ being alone, especially after this.

“Romantically, no. She hasn’t been with anyone since Will, or you, I guess.” It didn’t take a genius to know that Emily leaving the way that she did really affected JJ. “She wasn’t the same after you left,” he said truthfully.

Emily had nothing to say about that. The memories of her leaving, fighting with JJ flashing through her mind. They used to hurt a lot, but now they just came and went. She used to be angry, but how could she be now? Not after what has happened. “I’m gonna go sit with her,” she said, choosing not to acknowledge what he’d said.

JJ suddenly became aware of her surroundings when the sedatives wore off. She groaned, acutely aware of the feeling in her mouth. It was dry and sticky, like she hadn’t drank anything in weeks.

“JJ? Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?” She heard a muffled voice speaking, but the dull ache in her face was marring her ability to concentrate.

She opened her eyes, looking around the room, blinking hard to clear her blurry vision. “Penelope?” She questioned.

Penelope nodded and placed her hand on JJ’s knee. She jumped when JJ flinched and shifted her body away. "No, Pen, Penelope, I’m sorry,” she sobbed out, her body having a visceral reaction that she couldn’t stop. Where was Emily? She swore she was there. “I saw Emily; I think I dreamt of her,” she cried, turning on her side, away from Penelope. Her breathing was getting more erratic as seconds passed by.

Penelope jumped up, running to the door and swinging it open. “Em? Em quick, she’s freaking out.” Penelope waved Emily over quickly, the woman jumping up from her spot next to Hotch and making her way to the room.

“Jen? Hey, you’re okay; I’m here.” She walked quickly to the side of JJ’s bed, swiftly pulling the chair towards her with her foot, sitting down, and gently pulling her hands away from her face. “Can you look at me, JJ?” JJ’s eyes flashed open but closed just as quickly.

“You’re not here; I know you’re not here. I’m losing my mind; he made me lose my mind,” she cried.

Emily grabbed JJ’s hands and held them against her own face, never letting go. “Just breathe and feel my face; concentrate on what your hands feel.” After what felt like minutes, JJ was able to open her eyes again.

She let out a shaky breath, taking in Emily’s features. She just couldn’t comprehend that she was here; she hadn’t seen her in years. “You promise you’re here?” She whispered in a voice that was so broken, it shattered Emily’s heart. Emily nodded, promising JJ that she was there. “Please don’t leave me again, please.”

That hit Emily straight in the chest. 'Again,’ she knew she was referring to her leaving 3 years ago. She held JJ’s hands against her face, never feeling more guilty for leaving the woman all those years ago.

“I know hospital food isn’t very nice, but hey, how badly can you fuck up chicken soup?” Emily chuckled, placing the tray down on the portable table and wheeling it up to JJ. JJ gave her a small smile, resting her hands on the table in front of her. “Do you need help eating?” Emily offered, sitting at the bottom of JJ's bed.

JJ immediately moved her legs away from Emily, not wanting to risk her touching them. “Would you prefer me to sit in the chair?” Emily asked, noticing the shift in JJ's mood. JJ nodded, not saying a word. Emily moved to sit in the chair next to her bed; she could see JJ calm down significantly with the change of position. “JJ, what happened?” Emily asked, wary that JJ may not answer. She’d avoided asking her any questions about it the past few days, for obvious reasons.

JJ stared at her bowl of soup, using her spoon to play with the liquid as she thought deeply about the question. “Whatever you think happened, Emily, is exactly what happened,” she stated. Keeping her glazed-over stare aimed at her food, “However bad you think it was, it was worse,” she said, dropping her spoon on the tray and pushing the table away.

Emily stayed silent, blinking away any tears that dared to fall. Letting JJ speak at her own pace.

“At first I was fine; I could take the beating, but when I lost track of time and he wouldn’t let me sleep, I just lost it,” she said, dropping back against her pillow, hands going into her hair. Her voice trembled as she spoke more about what happened. “He kept firing the gun off right next to my ear; he was so mad.” Her hands landed on her ears, feeling as though she could hear the sound of the gun going off. “I begged him to kill me, but he wouldn't,” she cried, not being able to stop her tears. “He kept saying he wanted me to suffer the way he did,” she choked out a sob, getting worked up now.

Emily stood up, placing her hand on the side of JJ's face, knowing that that placement was safe for her.

“He was so mad,” she repeated, “he kept touching my legs while he was—oh, I’m gonna be sick.” She was breathing erratically now, choking on her sobs and crying.

“Sit up, Jayje, breathe, honey, breathe." Emily helped her sit up, resting one hand on her back and the other directly above her heart. “Slow JJ, breathe slowly,” she kept up the pressure of her hands, attempting to keep JJ grounded.

JJ’s breathing calmed as much as she could while she cried. She leaned into Emily, the brunette wrapping her arms around her tightly. Not needing any instructions to understand what JJ wanted.

Emily watched as JJ set her stuff down in her apartment; she looked uncomfortable and lost. She’d voiced a few times that she didn’t want to come back here because she didn’t know if Jeremy knew where she’d lived. Emily tried to tell her it didn’t matter because he was in prison and was definitely not getting out, but JJ didn’t care.

JJ sat down on her couch, mindlessly looking around. Her injuries had healed significantly. They felt better, but the bruises on her face still looked terrible, turning a bluey-green colour.

“Hey, we’ve got to talk,” Emily said, leaning on the kitchen bench, looking down at JJ, who turned to face her. Waiting patiently for Emily to continue. “You know I’m happy to stay here with you as long as you need me to, but eventually I’m going to have to go back to London.”

JJ straightened when she heard the words ‘back to London’ She shook her head. "No, Emily, you promised me you wouldn’t leave me again." Emily went to speak up, but JJ cut her off. She stood up, walking around the couch. “I know I fucked up before; I know I did. I admit that.” She stood at the bench, directly across from Emily now, who was just standing there listening to JJ's word vomit. “I let you go; I did. I let you go for 3 years, but I never stopped loving you, and you must still feel something for me; otherwise, you wouldn’t still be here." JJ's hands were flapping around as she spoke, as if the movements gave her words more meaning.

“Are you done?” Emily asked, standing up straight, hands still resting on the bench in between them.

“Well no, I guess what I’m asking is for you to come back, please?” She looked at Emily, not sure what she was thinking—the brunette's poker face was better than she remembered. “Now I’m done,” she added.

Emily nodded and couldn’t help but smile. “If you had let me finish Jennifer, I was in the middle of saying, I think it’d be a good idea if you’d come back to London with me." JJ's eyes widened, a smile playing on her lips. “Because I don’t want to leave you again, and I feel like you need a break from everything here." Emily stepped around the bench, coming over to JJ. She gently took the woman’s face in her hands. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love you, JJ; I do. So much”

JJ sighed with relief; it was the first time in weeks she’d felt calm. She pulled Emily into a hug, holding her tightly around the waist. She smiled into her chest when she felt her hug her back.

“So what’ll it be, JJ? How does London sound?” Emily mumbled into the top of her head.

“Anywhere sounds good as long as I’m with you.”

[chemicallady]

I WANNA FEEL LOVE AGAIN

Part 1 ; Part 2 ;

Couple: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

Content Warning: I made a little homage to three fanfiction I really love! I leave you to find the references ;)

Taglist: @ada-clarence , @badalmondzzzz , my wifey @starsomens , @raventherockstarhippie @blacksoul-27 , @somewhere-diamond

Summary:  This is just cute. I swear.

But you never promised me to be wiser of better.

Time flies.

Two years passed by so fast that you almost didn't notice. At first, your job was not demanding at all, compared with the rest of the crew. You have to accompaning Noah or any other member of the band to attend the interviews, most of them for radio stations. Taking notes for integrations on their website. Keep an eye on publicize enough any tourdates or merch drop, find sponsor for bigger venues and check at the end of the day if the guys need something for the day after.

You had to spend a lot of your time on the band socials, especially instagram and twitter, which you have always shared credentials with your brother and the rest of the band. You also create their TikTok and take care about the creation of fun contents.

It was way easy before the release of Death of Peace of Mind. After the beginning of 2022, you were on the road more than at home. A lot of famous hosters started to ask for an interview with Noah. All the lights switched on the future promise of rock music when Just Pretend became one of the most used/listened songs on TikTok.

And now, in the middle of the summer of 2023, the band is still rising. More money bring more responsabilities, the necessity of arranged a better shows, bigger interviews, more publicity, more interaction through the socials.

Everyone has to work the double, you included. Speaking with radio manager and small magazine specialized in all metal subgenders was a thing.

But now the band is too huge to stop at this level. And you werent trained enough for all this pressure, but it started to grow on you month after month, tour after tour. You are the guardian of Noah's schedule. You are not charming enough to compete with others PR, but since the crew is more similar to family meeting than a serious ansemble of professionals, you became competitive.

Hard work got big results like the european tour with Bring Me the Horizon. Oli wanted Bad Omens to open for him but you were the one who put all her soul and time on the project. On the papers. Because behing any tour there is a mountain of burocracy, sponsor phone calls and publicity. You had to team up with Matt, Miles and Davis so many times that at some point, that it's like having more than just one older brother.

From june 4th, the last day on tour, you are on vacation. You have nothing to do with music creation or audio/video sound checks. You just need a laptop, a lot of patience every time you scroll your emails, and the fantastic mojito your neighbour Brianna makes. A good reason to work on your balcony, along with the sound of the ocean, is her company. You don't have many friends but she is amazing. She moved from Minnesota after the shutdown, and she is an actress. Small roles, but as she always says, small roles bring bigger ones.

《 and it would have been ever better if my prick boyfriend didn't show up and basically assaulted the casting director》

You have heard this story at least ten times, but it's still amazing how boys can be idiots. 《 Why are you still with him? He's a bomb ready to detonate, Bri》 , you know that your concern will not help her in resonate, but you can't shut up.

《 I can't afford either the apartment or the car and you know that, y/n. Also, he is not that bad when he's sorber.》

《 But he never is! 》 you place the now empty glass on the outdoor table, disappointed in seeing her almost offended expression. It's a fortune that Matt isn't around. He has to deal with Jim at least twice a week. 《 You're my friend, Bri. The only one unrelated to my job..... I can't sleep over this situation anymore. I can help you. Move in with me and Matt, take care of my plant and Lucifurr for me while we are on tour. We don't want you to help with the rent. You just need to tell that dick to fuck off.》

《.... but he drives me to every casting》

《 and he's the reason no one is picking you in a very first place. This relationship is too toxic》

《 y/n I think you're crossing the line.》

《 He's gonna kill you one of these days!》

You both muted for a couple of seconds, the now tense air between the two of you being thick as a wall. Yeah, you cross the line but like Matt, you're no good in resonate with people who don't want any help. And like Matt you can't stand injustice, not at this rate.

But you know that you have to excuse yourself, simply it's hard to find the right words. You are not going to apologise for speaking your mind, but just about the way you did it.

《 y/n? Are you ready?》

A raspy voice catch you off guard. It's already seven??

《 Shit, Noah. I'm outside》, you yell in response, before turning again towards Brianna. She already reached the empty glass and without a word, and she comes back to her apartment. 《 C'mon Brianna. I'm sorry, just-for the fuck sake.》

Noah is standing right next to you when Brianna shut the door loudly.

All you can do is sigh out loud - a bad habit you inherit from the tall man on your side - before bringing your hands to cover your face in frustration.

《 What's going on, here?》 He asks , munching a candy.

《 I don't understand women.》

He gives you a funny look. 《 Damn, that's the real deal, man. Not the chicken/egg question, or what's our purpose on earth.... but why you girls act so weird. 》

《 Shut the fuck up, Noah. Not now.》

Your relationship with Noah also changed drastically in the last two years. It required some time and a ton of patience, but he open up to you and from thenon, you became a sort of confident of him. In return, he is the one you call when things are not going well. It was a bit embarrassing, the first months, but your friendship now is stronger than youve ever immagined. You feel like you can tell everything to Noah without being judged. Sometimes he laughs at you, of course, but he knows when a situation has to be manged seriously.

He cares about you with all his heart.

He doesn't aspect nothing in return, but he is dear to you on a level than only your brother have always been.

And he knows you deeply, that's why it is so easy for him to detect how worried you are.

《 Do you think he beats her? I mean, Steve is a scumbag, but I can't figure him being actually that violent. He is always too high to have some form of coordination.》

Since his arrival - Noah has the keys of the apartment so he can come and go as he pleased, especially when both you and matt are not in town and someone has to take care of Luci- Noah asked you questions on Brianna's situation.

He knows you're concerned and he also can't pretend he is fine with your neighbors yelling at each others on daily basis.

《 I don't know but he is getting more and more jealous. She told me he's sabotaging her auditions, now.》

Noah takes a sip of the iced tea you offer him, before grab your hand on the surface of the counter. 《 Start to call the police on them, when they argue. Maybe you're right. He is not beating her yet. But he could start.》 You nod slowly, thanking him with a soft smile. 《 By the way, do you feel okay? Wanna postpone our date?》

He loves to joke around with you, because he knows how this helps in rising your moral.

You pretend to get offended. 《 I would never, ever decline a date with you. Let me change in a more adequate outfit.》

《 take your time, the limo's driver can wait downstairs.》

You giggle, before leaving him in the kitchen, reaching your room for a quick change. In five minutes you're ready: a ponytail, red joggers and a tank top.

《 Ready to run, pretty boy?》

《 I'm always ready, chicken butt.》

Noah has never told you the real reason why he has taken the work out so seriously, but you're glad he did, because you joined him on his program and honestly, you feel at your top right now. It's not a matter of aesthetics, but you feel healthy. You are less tired at the end of the day, and you can endure the - at least- 15 working hours while Touring. Back at home, it became a habit of the two of you going out for a run daily during the sunsets since Noah is not an early bird and you'd rather work in the morning.

The place you chose is on the street that runs alongside the beach in Malibù. One of reason why you got used to LA is also the precious view of the ocean while the sun sinks in it and paints the sky in gold.

There is a small beach, hidden in the stunning nature of the Pacific Coast, that has become your spot. Every day you reach that beach, stretch a little and then go back to your apartment when usually Noah showers before leaving.

Today is a Saturday and even if you don't have big plans, Noah sometimes takes his chances on a Saturday night. Even God took a day off on Sunday, right?

《 It's the red hair?》

You ear him chuckles while you bend, grabbing the tip of your toes to stretch your back.

《 No red hair as far as I can recall》

《 So... the girl you helped at that dive bar?》 You rise again, bringing your arms to the sky 《The one who broke up with her cheating boyfriend? Or maybe your neighbour? I like her. I remember you told me she was so happy when you sent her our merch.》

Noah pushes you a little, making you loosing your balance while a giggle leaves your lips. 《 You're making me look like a fuckboy!》

《you are a fuckboy, always surrounded by beautiful women. And don't look at me like that! I know you like it that way!》

Noah is young and awesome. You got a crush on him in the beginning of your partnership. It's more than obvious that he has a significant number of choices when he wants to spend a night out.

This used to hurt you a bit, but the feeling of jealousy or envy - you still don't know what it was - disappeared in the moment you realised what you have.

All this girls can have noah for a night or two.

You can have him fully, you can call him in the middle of the night if a guy screws on you and Noah will bring you to buy ice-cream to McDonald's. You two can talk for hours about the absolute nothing or regarding the most difficult life choices.

You can mocking him, make him laugh in the golden light of the dying sun, in this very moment.

And that's more than enough.

Maybe you and Noah are not meant to be lovers, but he is your person and you are his. Like twin Flames, that doesn't matter how far they are.

They always burn bright.

《 I don't know, I was thinking for something casual. Like Netflix and chill.》

Lucifurr jumps off the sofa in the moment he hears Noah entering in your apartment. Your cat totally ignores you and starts to purr to the tall man that interrupts everything to kneel and cuddle the black ball of furr.

Satanic animal...

《 Then you should text the neighbor. She is the sweetest of yours hooks up.》

《 Then I can simply ring the door on my way back.》

《 Call her, Noah. Don't be a prick. The world doesn't revolve around you. Maybe she is planning to go out.》

You can hear him sigh in his annoying way. 《Can I shower here, anyway? I smell bad.》

《 You always smell bad.》

《 Am I???》

You exchange a glaze with him and immidiatly know its time to run. In the moment he leaves Luci alone, he is following you around the house while you yell for help. But matt isn't back yet, so you're on your own. As soon as noah reaches you (very soon, his legs are longer than yours), he huggs you tight, trying to put your head under his armpit.

《 NOAH STOP IS DISGUSTING!》 , you try to defend yourself hitting him on his back and between his legs with small slaps.

《Ei! Low blow! Don't slap my nutts!》

《 Don't sweat on me, you piece of-》

A yell interrupted the both of you, follow by a long cry and some smashed dishes. Noah realise the grip on you and sighs deeply looking at the wall that divides your apartment from Briannas one.

《 Is it always like this?》

《 almost every day, now.》

And there is something that broke in your cracking voice that completely shattered Noahs heart.

《 let's call the cops》, he says with a soft voice, hugging your shoulders. 《 I'll stay. We can watch a movie togheter.》

You look at him in surprise while he is reaching his phone. 《 and your date?》

《 you're my date》 , is the cheeky replay. The both of you smile, and you need a second. Not only because you're worried about brianna, but also because these small situations make you feel.... weird on your feelings towards noah.

You don't want to admit it, but a real date would be all you desire.

....but at what cost?

[tea-earl-grey]

I watched every Star Trek episode & here are my opinions.

as the title says – i finished all the Star Trek shows as of today yesterday and since i watched most of them while i wasn't using tumblr, i want do do some mini-reviews – both what i think are objectively the best shows and which are my personal favorites. i might make a couple more "ranking" posts for theme song/pilot/finale/favorite epsiodes/etc eventually but this post is already long as hell. i'll also probably do a movie post sometime but i want to rewatch the AOS movies first since i haven't seen Into Darkness since it came out (before i was actively a Trekkie).

also just as a note, these are fully my own opinions & tastes. i'm not trying to argue that any of these shows are bad (nor are any flawless), i'm just Some Guy giving my opinions.

continued under the cut. apologies for how long this is but there sure is a lot of Star Trek.

Watch Order

my opinions are probably a bit influenced by the order that i first watched these shows in so just as some background – i watched sporadic episodes of TOS & TNG when i was a kid which was enough to be familiar with the characters, general vibes, & world but not enough to really get into it. in late 2020/early 2021 i watched DS9 per a friend's recommendation and really loved it and decided to give all the different shows a shot. i watched all of TNG summer 2021, watched some of Disco & (what was then all of) Lower Decks in fall 2021. i started Voyager spring 2022, was interrupted because of Life Stuff and finished it spring 2023. i watched the first season of snw & prodigy sometime in between then. watched Picard spring 2023 just before s3 aired. watched Enterprise summer/fall 2023. finished Disco spring 2024 (just before s5). did a slow march through TOS between summer 2023 and summer 2024. and finally i watched TAS this past month. and i've been keeping up with all recent releases since 2023.

i've also rewatched a large amount of Trek either with my mom or friends at various times so i've ended up seeing most episodes twice (or more in the case of DS9 & Voyager).

Somewhat Objective Ranking:

there's a large difference for me between shows that i think are objectively good & ones that i'm personally attached to so here's just my attempt at ranking Star Trek shows by how good i think they are from a critical lens, not necessarily my favorite.

for me – a good show, and specifically a good Star Trek show, should have in my opinion a) a diverse & strong cast of characters, b) have unique & compelling plots whether they're based in science fiction, politics, or philosophy, c) has a strong moral center & explores the nature of humanity in some way, d) allows the audience to believe in a better future, e) is consistent (both with continuity and episode quality), f) does something to differentiate it from other shows, and g) is actually entertaining.

i don't think any shows come close to fulfilling all of those qualities but some do better than others.

11. The Animated Series: probably not a surprise that it comes in last. it's a fun show by the standard of kid's cartoon in the 70s and i genuinely do like it but it has a lot of the flaws of TOS (lack of continuity, lack of character depth, flimsy plots) with few of the upsides. though i do like how the secondary characters get more of a focus than in TOS.

10. Enterprise: big jump up in quality here from TAS but Enterprise does fall flat compared to the other shows. the Vulcan & Andorian stories are almost always good but so much of s1 & s2 lacks creativity and a lot of the a plots end up feeling generic & reused (though the b plots are often great). s3 falls into an obvious & uncomfortable 9/11/war on terror metaphor that has not aged well. and s4 is a huge improvement but doesn't make up for the faults of earlier seasons. additionally, i think returning to "the Trio + secondary characters" was largely a mistake as characters like Hoshi & Travis remain horribly underdeveloped (and what a coincidence that they're characters of color...) all in all. some great ideas and a handful of great episodes but it doesn't make up for how meh large swathes of the show can be.

9. The Original Series: i'm going to be honest that it this is the hardest show to objectively rank just because it's the first and it's so hugely impactful not just on the Star Trek franchise (obviously) but also on science fiction, pop culture, TV production, and American culture. its impact is quite literally immeasurable and i think unfortunately it means the show will always feel small in comparison to the shadow it casts. don't get me wrong. some episodes are great even by today's standard, not to mention by the standard of the 60s. but so many episodes, especially as the show went on, end up being pretty mediocre, poorly paced, misogynistic/racist, and have thin plots. TOS is enjoyable for me because of the camp & exploring the foundations of this fictional universe i love so dearly but i'm not going to pretend that it's objectively better than other shows on this list just because of its legacy.

8. Picard: now i could pretty easily judge each season of Picard as its own show and each season would get spaced out in entirely different places on this list. i genuinely believe s1 of Picard is one of the best seasons of Star Trek. the writing fumbles a bit at the end but the characters, direction, & acting is some of the best of the franchise. unfortunately the choice to present each season as a separate anthology reallllly let's it down because of the lack of continuity between seasons. the pandemic definitely threw a wrench into the show but s2 (while i enjoy it), has a very messy meandering plot that feels insecure in its skin. s3 (which i also enjoy) has tighter writing but suffers majorly from having been outlined before the end of s2 therefore having a weird discontinuous transition between seasons and unfortunately excluding so many great characters from s1 & 2. i love it dearly (not to foreshadow my personal favorite ranking) but it is a mess.

7. Discovery: most of the critiques i have of Picard also stand for Discovery which also opted for the "anthology" style series which i think fundamentally doesn't work. Discovery took awhile to find its voice and after s3, still sung somewhat off key. Michael is easily one of the best & most well developed Star Trek characters and the rest of the cast is good but are painfully underdeveloped as its hyperserialized format doesn't really leave time to get to know the characters unless it's essential for the plot. like Picard, it also got screwed over by pandemic-era production leaving some episodes clumsily written. some seasons, in my opinion, end up with an overcomplicated plot that becomes difficult to follow. nevertheless, there are some episodes and scenes that are stunning and somewhat make up for the mis-steps. and ultimately, the later seasons of the show really do understand the heart of Star Trek.

6. Strange New Worlds: going back to an episodic style for the next live action show after the mixed reviews of Picard & Discovery was definitely a good choice. the writing is much tighter, the characters generally feel more whole, and there's more to grab onto compared to entirely serialized shows. and after a lot of the darkness in Discovery and Picard, it feels like a breath of fresh air to have a show that feels joyful & fun. however. so much of SNW is built off of pre-existing Star Trek (mainly TOS) that it struggles to form its own identity and when it tries to be a new show, it gets caught in the trap of betraying existing continuity. the episodes focusing on La'an, Uhura, M'Benga, & Una are great – some of the best of new trek – but episodes focusing on Spock, Chapel, and Pike end up feeling... off with messy writing and being Kinda Weird about disability/genetics. since it's only had two seasons, i definitely think SNW could ascend or descend in the rankings in the upcoming season(s).

5. The Next Generation: TNG wasn't quite as hard for me to rank as TOS but it sometimes struggles with a similar problem that its legacy in pop culture sometimes overshadows the show itself. it's also tricky because when TNG is good, it's phenomenal; when it's bad, it's really bad; but most episodes land somewhere in the middle. s1 is borderline unwatchable, s2 is just a step above, and from there it gets a lot stronger after behind the scene problems were worked out & it found a stable writing staff. it ends up striking a good balance of stories between straightforward science mysteries, deep explorations of philosophy, space politics, and fun romps. it ends up getting dragged down more than a little by Roddenberry's lingering insistence to have the characters avoid long term conflict and the very episodic style resulting in less ongoing story arcs. characters like Geordi, Wes, Beverly, & Troi also end up feeling somewhat underdeveloped in comparison to characters like Picard & Data.

4. Voyager: this is probably one of my more controversial picks (judging by how others tend to rank the series) and maybe i'm biased but i do genuinely believe that Voyager deserves its place this high on the list. Voyager is an inconsistent show which certainly pulls it down a little but manages to strike a better balance in episode quality and is able to have more dynamic characters & more ongoing narratives than TNG. Voyager still has its share of bad episodes and gets off to a somewhat shaky start (particularly struggling in early s2) but finds its groove more easily because of the experienced writing team that already had years of Star Trek under their belt & an excellent cast. Voyager's biggest stumbles are definitely in regards to under-serving some of the characters (especially Chakotay, Tuvok, and Harry) in later seasons.

3. Deep Space Nine: a somewhat obvious pick for top three Trek shows. DS9 has deservedly been getting its praises in recent years for its darker narratives, its bold approach to some of TV's first serialized stories, its exploration of politics & religion, and the masterful way it can bounce between nuanced episodes on serious topics & fun comedy. it flails a little bit in the first two seasons while finding its voice but compared to some of the other shows, it starts off strong and the quality is generally consistent with seasons 4 & 6 being the obvious highlight. however despite the strength of the characters, actors, and writing, there are certainly times when the show fumbles: episodes that get a bit too dark to bounce back from (and aren't followed up on), stories that present some troubling ethics without much pushback, and its fair share of the mediocre scifi mystery episodes seeded throughout 90s Trek.

2. Lower Decks: based on its first season, Lower Decks is a fun but non-serious entry into the Trek pantheon. so it was surprising when what seemed at first glance like a typical irreverent adult animation show, developed so much genuine heart for both the the Lower Decks characters & the wider Trek franchise. Lower Decks could have been an excuse to string together a bunch of fan-servicey references but it becomes genuinely heartfelt with great new characters, fun worldbuilding, actual insightful commentary on existing Trek, and the ability to laugh at itself while still being made with love. while the first two seasons drag it down a little bit (i think they went in too hard with the raunchy comedy vibes), season 3 and especially season 4 are really great especially with the exploration of Mariner's PTSD that strengthens her into one of the best character in Trek.

1. Prodigy: plenty of people have been singing Prodigy's praises since its untimely cancellation and no joke – it is, in my opinion, the best Star Trek show. it is more of a kids oriented show than the other entries on this list (except TAS) but that doesn't mean it lets up on having complex plots & characters. it might be the only Star Trek show that i genuinely believe doesn't have a bad episode (albeit a couple in s1 that are just okay) and s2 as whole is a masterpiece. the only things that let it down in my opinion are: somewhat clunky animation on close-ups (though the background animation is gorgeous) and the plot getting so over complicated by s2 that i had to draw a diagram to keep track of the time travel (and this is coming from someone who loves over complicated time travel stories.)

My Personal Favorite Star Trek Shows:

11. The Animated Series: as i said before – it's fun, i'm glad it exists, it doesn't really offend me, but with the exception of the episode Yesteryear, it doesn't really do anything for me.

10. The Original Series: yeah... i'm sorry. i just don't click with TOS that much (or TOS era in general as you can tell from the rest of this list). i can recognize its importance and there are definitely some episodes i really enjoyed (either for the camp factor or because they're genuinely good) but the majority of the episodes i either don't have much of an opinion on or i think are genuinely bad (in a not fun way). i'm also fine with looking past some of the bigotries of the time but even so the misogyny & racism in the show was just too much for me. sorry.

9. Strange New Worlds: i enjoy SNW for the most part but it's definitely dragged down because 1) i strongly dislike how Spock is written, 2) while i definitely like episodic Trek more, the short episode order does make the episodes i dislike stand out a lot more, 3) a lot of the show is built on nostalgia-bait for TOS era which... i just don't really have. there are great episodes but as a whole, i'm just not attached to it.

8. Discovery: i really disliked the first two seasons of Discovery when i first watched them and though they've grown on me, it's just too dark for me to really get into. seasons 3-5 i like a lot more and i appreciate how earnest & hopeful it is (especially compared to seasons 1 & 2) but the writing can be a bit heavy handed. and as much as i do really love Michael, i definitely prefer shows with a stronger focus on the ensemble as a whole. that said, i am definitely attached to the characters and really love the 32nd century worldbuilding that's done.

7. Enterprise: i'm honestly a bit surprised that i ended up liking Enterprise this much but the fourth season (with the exception of the finale that definitely doesn't exist) is banger after banger. and while the episodes of earlier seasons might be a bit uninspired, the general worldbuilding is genuinely interesting to me with the exploration of Vulcan politics, the Vulcan-Andorian War, the Temporal Cold War, the pre-Federation politics of Earth, and more. i'm also greatly endeared to all the secondary characters (Hoshi & Phlox particularly) which means it's also a shame that the non-Archer, Trip, & T'Pol characters get so little screentime. and while so much of the first two seasons is kinda bleh, the B plots & runners to those episodes end up being really fun and ends up creating a world & characters that feels worth exploring.

6. Prodigy: i think with time (and a possible third season...) Prodigy could become one of my favorite Treks and as i already said – it's very very good. the core cast of characters is really strong with all of them (except for maybe Murf & Jankom Pog) being well developed and compelling. the plot is interesting and feels relatively unique while still feeling like Star Trek at its core. it's also the rare example of a series that has a lot of fan-service while still retaining its identity and the strength of its own characters. ultimately, it ends up ranking lower on here than my more objective tier list because some of the angst & darkness i enjoy in stories doesn't quite deliver (which is very much not a fault of the show since it is a family show), the way Janeway is written doesn't always quite line up with my own view of the character (again, not a fault of the show), and the fact that i just haven't spent as much time with the show & characters yet.

5. The Next Generation: TNG is very much a comfort show to me. i don't have all that much to add from my objective review (there are very bad episodes, very good episodes, but most are somewhere in the middle). i really like all the characters and the behind the scenes friendships really translate well to the screen but none of them really compel me the way characters do further up on this list. i do give the show a lot of credit though for continuing the worldbuilding established in TOS and taking it in a new direction and a new vibes (rather than continuing the space western format) that is hugely influential to all of the shows that came after it.

4. Lower Decks: pretty much the same as my objective review – it's a fun show that ends up finding a good balance of humor, strong characters, and pointed commentary at past Trek shows. it's a show obviously filled with a lot of love for the franchise and i'm very glad it exists. aside from Mariner, i'm not quite as attached to the other characters but i do love them all.

3. Deep Space Nine: as i said before, DS9 is undoubtedly one of the strongest shows in Star Trek. it has the most recurring characters, pretty much all of which i find compelling, and a fantastic cast of regulars as well. the overall plot of the show is incredibly strong and allows it to have a lot of good commentary on imperialism, war, religion, race, and more. it has my two favorite episodes in all of Star Trek (The Visitor and Far Beyond the Stars) and so many other bangers as well. it's the show that first hooked me into Star Trek & the Star Trek fandom and it really is fantastic. the reason it doesn't rank higher here is entirely subjective in that i just don't feel as compelled to explore the characters & fandom as the last two shows on this list. other people have talked about how shows that are too objectively good aren't necessarily the best for fandom and that's how i kind of feel about DS9. it's great. i love it. i'm not necessarily compelled to feel like i have to add to it.

2. Picard: i can recognize that in many ways Picard kinda fails as a show (for reasons i've already stated) but that absolutely does not stop me from loving it. it's extremely messy and i've wanted to fix it ever since i saw it. it might be an unpopular opinion but the worldbuilding developments in s1 (the destruction of Romulus, the synth ban, the general darkness of the Federation) are incredibly compelling to me and i really do like deconstructing Picard as a character (even if i wish he was in the show a little less). and despite some major inconsistencies between seasons, i find the characters wonderfully rich and well written and every time i watch an episode, i feel like i want to explore them more and more. (not coincidentally, it's also the Star Trek show i've written the most fanfic for.)

1. Voyager: Voyager has enthralled me mind, body, & soul. i've never had such a fast turn around from a show that i was meh about to one that constantly consumed my thoughts. it's undoubtedly imperfect but it's imperfect in a way that i feel compelled to want to study and fix. with the exception of maybe DS9, Voyager has the strongest cast of characters and one of the strongest premises of any show. i firmly believe that Kathryn Janeway is the best (and certainly my favorite) Captain in all of Star Trek and most of the characters rank among my favorite Trek characters of all time. even if there aren't a ton of obvious ongoing narratives, the subtle ways the characters change over the 7 years is great and leaves the door open for fandom to explore so much (which as you can tell is definitely something that draws me to a lot of shows). and while DS9 might have my favorite episode of Star Trek, Voyager ends up having more stories that rank amongst my favorites (Year of Hell, Latent Image, Endgame, Barge of the Dead, Bride of Chaotica, Riddles, Survival Instinct, Timeless, etc).

anyways.... that sums that up. i'll probably type up my list of favorite episodes sometime in the next few days because i need to milk the "i watched all of Star Trek" thing for a little bit.

[lavampira]

book recommendations

tysm @winedark and @rosenfey for the tag <:

passing it along to @hythlodaes @scionshtola @coldshrugs @likeabirdinflight @lesbianalicent @veeples @narrativefoiltrope @kirnet @disequilibria @jennystahl @elvves @queenofthieves @weird-ecologies @erielake @verbose-vespertine @solarisrenbeth @onceinabluemoony @queerbrujas @oldblood but ofc no pressure!!

1. the last book I read:

GOTH WESTERN by LIVALI WYLE — well. technically, it’s an indie graphic novel. but it’s a western meets magical realism about necromancy, revenge, and the power of love. and lesbians. I burned through it in a couple hours sitting because I was so gripped by it tbh.

2. a book I recommend:

THE HACIENDA by ISABEL CAÑAS — an absolute all time fave book in my heart; I would say one doesn’t even need to necessarily love horror to get invested in this one, since it also involves very interesting critique of spanish colonialism, religion, and class struggles in post-independence mexico only using hauntings as the lens to view it.

3. a book that I couldn’t put down:

THE PRIORY OF THE ORANGE TREE by SAMANTHA SHANNON — I was glued to this book for a solid two weeks despite its length. I have a lot that I would change about the pacing and certain events or qualities of some characters’ outcomes, but it was such a fun fantasy read, and I had a difficult time even moving on from the setting and protagonists once I was done.

4. a book I’ve read twice (or more):

THE SONG OF ACHILLES by MADELINE MILLER — my first time reading this myth retelling was my freshman year of college, so I reread it again ten years later to see if it would still hold up for how much I loved it, and it absolutely did. the perspective of the man standing beside and in love with the hero interwoven with the tragedy of achilles and patroclus takes me right out and the passages that tumblr enjoys to quote from it have so much more impact in the full context of the narrative.

5. a book on my TBR:

OUR WIVES UNDER THE SEA by JULIA ARMFIELD — this poor book keeps getting knocked down on my TBR but I’m determined to read it this year. I’m intrigued by the horror of the protagonist’s wife ‘coming back wrong’ in a sense, and the recommendations based on its similarity to ANNIHILATION, but also the fact it seems to be a wlw scifi horror, too.

6. a book I’ve put down:

AFFINITY by SARAH WATERS — I wanted to like this one so bad, considering how often waters has been hyped up to me as The Author for historical lesbian novels and the fact it delves into victorian spiritualism, but the pacing felt so slow at getting to the point in the plot, and when it finally did, the twist put me off on finishing the end. it’s probably more of a case of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ but I def had to DNF it.

7. a book on my wishlist:

GHOST STATION by S.A. BARNES — space horror quickly became a fave niche genre that I got into last year, so I’ve been very excited for this release, too. I’m also a fan of how barnes writes atmospheric dread and I have high expectations for it.

8. a favorite book from my childhood:

WUTHERING HEIGHTS by EMILY BRONTË — it altered my brain chemistry as a teenager in high school and I haven’t been the same since I read it. I distinctly remember listening to ‘you said I killed you — haunt me then!’ read aloud and having to pretend like it didn’t make me feel so completely unhinged in the middle of class.

9. a book you would give to a friend:

PIRANESI by SUSANNA CLARKE — I was recommended this one by a friend to begin with, so it feels like an even more perfect book to pass forward. I think it’s one of those books that’s easy to get absorbed into even if it’s not a typical genre one would read, and it’s such a life-altering experience to go through with the protagonist, too. the underlying message that we’re all changed by our own trials and we’re never the same as we were before lingers with me.

10. a book of poetry or lyrics you own:

CRUSH by RICHARD SIKEN — it’s taken me so long to finally track down a physical copy at my bookstore but it was worth it because it remains my fave book of poetry to date. I could quote so many lines, after how hard they’ve hit me, and some of them have influenced my own writing or pairings in some ways.

11. a nonfiction book you own:

HAVANA NOCTURNE by T.J. ENGLISH — back in 2015-2016ish I went through a true crime phase in the prohibition era through the foundation of the US mafia, and this is a very informative book on how the mob became tied to cuba and how the revolution affected it.

12. what are you currently reading:

AN EDUCATION IN MALICE by S.T. GIBSON — I stumbled across this retelling of carmilla set in a late 60s massachusetts women’s college after reading gibson’s A DOWRY OF BLOOD and had to give it a try. I’m enjoying it so far; the prose is full of thick emotional yearning and electric chemistry, and the balance in the narrative of toxic mentorship, historical romantic and sensual attraction between women without shaming them for it, and vampiric elements is really fun.

13. what are you planning on reading next:

WHAT FEASTS AT NIGHT by T. KINGFISHER — I only found out the other day that the sequel to WHAT MOVES THE DEAD was even released but I’m so desperate for the next part of alex easton’s story (and how eerily kingfisher writes horror) that it shot up to my next read.

[l0sercat]

Bebe can I get Ghostface, Trickster, Albert, Oni, and Trapper reacting to a survivor that’s just god tier? Like are the killers trying to hook someone? Flashlight stunned✨Trying to chase them? Pallet stunned✨ Tunneling them? Congrats you’ve been looped for 5 gens!✨ And they do it all with the most bored/neutral expression to top it all off.

Love your writing and I look forward to reading your future posts💖!

Your so sweet <333 I appreciate you 💕

Killers reacting to survivor who's God tier

Ghostface

New survivor eh? This should be fun...no it was not

He was intrigued by you at first but then you annoyed him

Everytime he would enter chase with you it lasted forever

One time he chased you for the whole game and you escaped with no injuries

He finally learned after a couple matches to drop chase even when you annoyed the piss outta him

But your terror never stopped there, he downed a survivor and when he thought no one was around he picked them up and there you were

His eyes widen and he cursed as you blinded his eyes

He quit the game and let you guys escape because he was super upset

Even while you tormented him you had a bored expression on your face like this was such a drag

He was having a whole fit every match you and your team would escape which made him feel like shit :(

Eventually he stopped trying to kill in the match since it wouldn't work out so he just decided to stalk you and get more info and pics of you cause why not

Trickster

He's pissed so so much that's he's on a rampage

He cursing and ranting in Korean everytime you are near him

You don't even look amused or like it was fun while you torture him

He would chase you and get stunned so much he couldn't see straight

He would finally down someone and you would just flashlight save them

At least you had a hard time trying to avoid his knives

That was the only thing keeping him going, he would chase you and constantly throw his knives at you

You dodge enough so you don't get downed but still get hit which is enough for him

You annoy him but he enjoys your pained moans which he thinks would be lovely for a song

Wesker

How is this possible?!

It's a love hate relationship

On one hand he loves the challenge and that you can avoid him like he's a plague or just absolutely fuck up the game for him

On the other hand it pisses him off that he can hardly make a scratch on you, I mean with Chris he was able to kill him a couple times but with you it's so fucking hard

He was able to slam you a couple times with his tentacles but then you disappeared as you were released

And when he finally hooked you and someone unhooked you he tunneled you because you especially pissed him off that round but then you looped him..for the whole game

The way you looked at him makes him want to keep going

It amazes him how your able to keep a neutral face but he loves it and wants to be able to make you have a different expression

Trapper

He's used to it

He knows he not the best killer and he's heavily bullied byother survivors

So when you start to (by what he thinks is bullying) bully him he just sighs

It's annoying yeah but whatever

Sure he got good matches and good knowledge but a newbie already can outplay him

Picks up a survivor ✨flashlight✨ chasing you ✨pallet after pallet slammed on his head✨

He's caught you off guard and forced you to do risky things before and maybe once or twice you were in his trap but that's it

And that bored look in your face it ticks him off

You just looped him the entire match and your expression never changed you kept staring at him with a blank face

Eventually he stopped caring and ignored you:p

Oni

Rage.

Pure fucking rage.

Even more than usual.

I hope they never get caught because if they did....well it wouldn't be pretty...

And the Entity wouldn't do anything to help them

I mean its not his fault and they would deserve it but-

He just wants to rip you to shreds and bash your head in

He hates you so so much

He hates how you torment him with a blank face and how you look like you could care less

I don't know man this is giving me ideas to want to write a fic about him hate fucking you and I don't know why cause I ain't even attracted to him :p....

[atiny-for-life]

Creative Spotlight #5: Choi San

Masterlist

Intro: With so many new Atinys coming in, I figured now would be a good time to shed some light on all the boys' creative solo projects over the years, big and small.

ASMR

Like Seonghwa, San also tried his hand at ASMR and appeared twice on M2's Tingle Interview series. Once with Wooyoung in 2020 (San did great and Wooyoung was just confused af by what they were asking him to do - it's hilarious):

And once with Yunho in 2021 (Yunho did a lot better than Wooyoung - he seemed to actually know what he was getting himself into):

The Sanchelin Guide

Like the others, San launched his own series in 2020 and his is all about "critiquing" restaurants (really, it's just him giving anime girl reactions in a voice over while we watch him eat - it's fantastic):

Episode 2 was released shortly after the first, with Episode 3 following in early 2021 and Episode 4 in mid-2022, marking the latest addition to the series.

Cover Songs

San posted his first cover song to Ateez's channel last year.

Lee Hi's Breathe suits his voice incredibly well, going from sweet and soft to powerful high notes. It's a deeply emotional song with a backstory that was shared in the comments by a YouTube user:

Transcript:

nikki6030: He covered a song which is rather a very emotional song if you have been in Kpop for long… it was a song composed by SHINee Jonghyun (RIP my angel) for Lee Hi who suffered from panic disorder and breathing difficulty… Lee Hi sang this song once again after Jonghyun’s departure and made everyone cry… this song is just that special & San’s beautiful vocal reminded me of Jonghyun… and how idols struggle and feel being the public’s entertainment…. Let’s spread Love!!

2 months ago, San and Jongho collaborated on a cover of IU's Dear Name:

From songs like Turbulence, we already knew their voices sound breathtaking together, but this cover really highlights all aspects in which they mesh well. At 4:05, when the song builds, my heart stops until San comes in and they both harmonize - it's such a gorgeous cover.

Pentatonix Collab

Many don't seem to know this, but two years ago, Yunho, San, and Jongho were featured on a Pentatonix song called A Little Space which even included a Korean verse:

Imitation Soundtrack

Like Yunho, Seonghwa, and Jongho, San was part of the Imitation cast and, within the show-verse, part of the group Sparkling, together with Seonghwa and Yunho.

Since this is the third post on which I'm posting a Diamond performance, here's a fun fact for those who haven't watched the show (yet): going by the show's canon, Jongho's group, Shax, debuted prior to Sparkling so they had the running joke on set that Jongho needed to be addressed formally by the other three since he was their senior. Good times.

Dancing

8 months ago, San's dance performance to Imagine Dragons' Warriors was released, featuring a choreography San, BBtrippin, and TARZAN collaborated on:

It's got everything you'd expect from San-level quality in a performance: controlled power, facial expression, palpable emotion - it's gripping, it's stunning, and the camera work, costumes, lighting and editing are only enhance it all the more. We even get a touch of CGI to bring it all together and make it look as grand as it feels: