#i love you chucklefuck timothy

[bruciemilf]

Okay so civilian AU where the batkids don't want their dad dating Clark (not because they hate Clark, they love him, they just don't want their dad Dating) but they don't outright say it because Clark makes Bruce happy, so they just. Commit micro aggressions.

Clark gets turned around in the Manor? Jason has a snarky comment about how "if you can't even find your way around a house, how do you expect to find your way around Gotham?"

There's a bomb threat while they're out at the mall (it's Gotham) and Clark’s slightly panicking. Dick helps calm him down, but not without the patronizing comment of, "the first bomb threat's always the hardest. You're not going to last long here if you still get so freaked out about bomb threats—it's best if you just go back to Metropolis."

Clark asks why Cass resorts to sign language only when around him, like stops mid-sentence and switches to sign when he enters the room. Cass looks innocently at him and signs, "I only speak around people I'm comfortable with and I know will stay."

Damian just flat-out ignores him. Clark can't even say anything because Damian’s just Like That. Titus chews up all Clark’s clothes? "I'm not responsible for my dog's habits, Kent."

Clark tries and fails to articulate a business proposal on the behalf of WE Tim comes to rescue him with a sympathetic but pointed comment about how, "it's okay, not everyone knows how to pitch proposals. In upper-class society, it's a necessary skill—even Steph knows, and I doubt she's ever set foot in WE, but it's fine you don't know, really! Just...stay away from my company, will you? It's a family affair."

Clark Knows they don't like him, but the comments are isolated and innocent enough that he can't point anything out without it seeming like he's nitpicking.

- batposts (on anon because I'd rather you didn't see my main)

WHEEZE POOR CLARK - this tastes so much like the bitterness I had for my mom's first boyfriend. Let me tell you me and my brother invented a new layer of hell for that man.

OH OH OH - Clark thinks the batkids are invincible, they're Bruce's perfect baby angels (quoted from the titan dad himself) but he quickly realizes that's not the case at all.

Like, maybe Tim says something snarky during dinner, something intentionally smarmy about the class difference between clark and Bruce and isn't it wonderful they lasted so long despite being so different?

And Clark doesn't even blink at that, he's used to Tim being Tim, but Bruce? " What did you say, Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne?"

An ivory red lits Tim's ghostly pale painted face on fire. " Um. Jay-"

" Don't look at me, man."

" Dick-"

" Eşti pe cont propriu, cretinule. (You're on your own, moron - I like to think Dick only ever insults his siblings in Romanian)

" Steph?"

" No habla little bitch."

" Dami?"

Damian stares at him, silently squishing his cheek againts a fuming Bruce's forearm. Needless to say Tim doesn't have desert or coffee for a WEEK and Bruce has a long talk with his kids.

Counterattack: Clark's kids do the exact opposite. They just snatch Bruce, OUR DAD NOW, CHUCKLEFUCKS, and dip straight up.

When they actually DO meet, let Jon look at Dami glowering at him, because NEW BABIES? IN THE NEST? NO- and just laugh.

He laughs. That's it. " Okay, first of all, you're adorable and I love everything about you. "

Conner is straight up like,

hey Jason, right? You don't have to worry about Bruce anymore, dude. I'm kinda planning on moving in? So you can move back out. I know for a fact you have the best room in this overpriced box and I plan on taking it. Haha, just messing! Seriously though, move out. I got this.