#i make them for my own blog anyway so? might as well share them right?

[rotisseries]

actually now that the clique thing is a few days old, i didn't really get involved for a reason and I don't feel super strongly in either direction

but I will say that like. while there's certainly a problem of less interaction on the fanworks/posts from less popular blogs, this isn't really a byler exclusive issue? this happens in most fandoms these days, interaction is just on a decline in general which IS. a problem but not really a "byler tumblr is cliquey" problem. in regards to any actual cliques I wouldn't say they don't exist but I don't think it's "the popular kids" themselves doing this. I don't know if the rest of you have some other bloggers in mind that I don't know about, but as someone who is mutuals with a fair amount of who I thought were the popular blogs, they are always very nice and welcoming to me, and actually easy to talk to once you just. see them and talk to them as a normal human and not an omnipotent fandom god. so this is all to say that if there's a clique issue I think it's from the outside. I think maybe people are perceiving these bigger blogs who all happen to be friends as these untouchable idols in fandom and it's. making it cliquey from the outside. like are they a clique or have you just convinced yourself they wouldn't want anything to do with you and isolated this group from everyone else. this isn't to say that people can't be assholes of course just that I don't think any of this is intentional

[russellsppttemplates]

No more of this (Lando Norris)

Lando is trying to stop the hurt of loosing you by getting ahead of it and (trying to) leave you first

Note: english is not my first language. It's angsty but has a good ending! ✨️ I took a bit of a gamble with this one, and I'm hoping it is still a good enough piece to read! This was from a request for which I had another idea whilst I was writing this one, so I might work on it if this truly is a bad take on it!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Cw: relationship troubles, miscommunication, anxiety symptoms, alludes to the passing of a family member and consequent inheritances

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

Lando wasn't sure how long he had been in the room on his own, but he knew he didn't have it in him to leave soon.

He thought he wasn't enough, he was too much trouble for anyone around him, that's why no one is there for him right now.

He grabbed his phone and swiped the screen to check if the texts he sent you had gone through, but the lack of an answer from your part was simply that.

Not even Y/N cares about him or what he needs. Maybe he didn't word it in the right away? Surely, Y/N would have replied by now if he had written it down properly and not appeared like a clingy, needy child. Maybe he could send another one, just to make sure it is all alright.

To lovie ✨️

I'm sorry if that was a lot, but I just wanted to know how your day had been! I love you, sweet girl 🧡

There, all better.

The McLaren driver waited for your answer, hoping to make ammends from his previous tries.

Maybe she's busy, she has so much on her plate as well. She can't take care of Lando too. Lando wonders what his girlfriend would do if she knew you felt like this. If she found him lying in a bed, unable to move and startled by the idea of facing the outside? She would leave him right then and there. Y/N can only take so much and she's not going to take this.

The tears that fell went unoticed until they pooled on the pillow cover fabric, wetting it and dampening Lando's cheek and jaw.

The weight on his chest lightened when his phone vibrated.

From lovie ✨️

I'm so sorry, Lan - my phone was on silent because of the meeting with the notary and I forgot to turn it back up 🤦‍♀️

It has been a busy couple of days with the signings and handovers, but I can already see the end of it!

And how was your day, bubs?

I miss you loads and can't wait to kiss your handsome face 🧡 I love you 💖

There it goes, that wasn't so bad, right? She replied - she's safe, she has a reason why and she wrote I love you. Maybe all of that fuss was for nothing.

Lando quickly typed back a reply, hitting the button to send after reading it a couple of times to ensure it was good.

To lovie ✨️

It's okay, sweet girl, you don't have to worry! It's been same old, had a training session with Jon and then worked on the sim.

Can't wait for you to be home soon, I love you so much ❤️

You replied, that was all he needed. Everything is back to normal, the heartbeat has slowed down, the weight on the chest had been lifted, and breathing wasn't so hard anymore.

For now, anyway.

The last two days had been fine, good even - Lando spent the afternoon playing padel with Max Verstappen, streaming with Quadrant and even played golf on his own, relief washing over him when, despite being on his own, his thoughts didn't take him to the dark side like he expected them to.

You had FaceTimed every night and exchanged texts in the morning so there hadn't been any reason to worry - until now anyway.

When Max and Pietra told you they were flying to Monaco to spend the week there, you decided to postpone leaving for two days and take the flight with them instead.

You'd have to have reached the realisation that Lando is not the best you can do. You couldn't possibly be that blind.

Y/N knows you're he's not good enough, she knows she deserves so much more and now that she has property back home and a safe ground, she'll leave him before he knows it.

It builds up again, his breathing short and laboured while his heart speeds up, his hands unconsciously retreating into themselves and making fists as his nails graze his palm.

You are going to leave him.

Not if Lando leaves you first.

"This isn't even the worst flight we've had", Max reasoned once you landed in Nice, "you're really feeling it, aren't you?", he nudged your shoulder.

"It's just been a busy couple of weeks", you sighed, looking for your luggage on the carrousel, "I'm so glad it's all dealt with now and I can finally be home again", you smil3d tiredly.

"You mean you can finally be with Lando again", Pietra teased you.

"Can you blame me, though? I miss him so much I'm not sure I can keep away from him for long once I hug him", you admitted, spotting the bright blue luggage on the conveyor belt.

"Lando just texted me saying he is by the informative screens", Max offered, grabbing his and Pietra's luggage and leaving the way out of the busy airport.

Once you spotted your boyfriend, you hastened your pace to approach him, leaving the luggage on the side so you could jump into his embrace.

"Hey, my love, I missed you so much", Lando held you impossibly tight to him, nipping on the skin of your neck and inhaling your scent.

Y/N is back, she's here.

"Me too, baby", you said, kissing his neck multiple times, "I'm so glad to be home", you mumbled, pulling a smile out of him before you kissed his lips.

"One could argue we are here too, but we're clearly not that important", Max joked, patting Lando's back where he could given that you were clinging to him like a koala.

"The car is in the -2 Parking zone", Lando offered, grabbing your luggage and walking behind his bestfriend and his girlfriend while keeping you close to him.

For now, this would have to suffice before things changed forever.

The whole drive back to Lando's apartment involved light chatter and catching up on the past few weeks.

"I think we should go out, enjoy some of the night life while you still can", Max slapped Lando's shoulder once you had settled in and unpacked.

"I can get us entrances", the Formula One driver agreed, grabbing his phone before he went through his contacts.

Once the entrances and the dinner reservations were secured, the four of you took turns in showering and getting ready, Lando never letting you leave his sight for long.

"You look beautiful, lovie", Lando complimented, watching your shake out the curls you had done on your hair.

"Thank you, bubs - you look really handsome too, I love it when you wear all black", you mused, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles gently.

It was all good. You didn't seem mad or upset with him, in the contrary actually - like he felt, you too were a bit needy for his touch and to have him close to you, offering him reassuring words and sweet nothings every time you could. Maybe his thoughts were a lie. Some of them have been, maybe those were too.

The dinner was lovely and you were able to walk to the club you'd be spending the night in, getting drinks first before finding the area you were staying in. Lando was quickly pulled by the DJ on the booth, recognising him from previous nights out, while you, Max and Pietra stayed where you were.

He was enjoying himself before he noticed you were chatting with someone else, remembering him from your friend's birthday.

He has a girlfriend who is Y/N's friend, Lando has nothing to worry about.

Until he does.

He doesn't miss the way you hug him or the way you engage in light chat with him, all smiles and cheers.

You deserve someone who is always there for you, who can be present and make you smile like that all the time, and he knows he's not the person for the job.

"I'm going back down to my group - thanks for the invite", Lando shook his hand before pulling the DJ for a quick hug, making his way to you and your friends.

"Hey, love, you're back!", you smiled with a big wave to beckon him over, lacing your hand in his as soon as you were close enough, "you remember Marvin, right?".

"Yes, hi, how are you?", he mused, shaking his hand before protectively placing his arm around your waist.

Marvin had to leave to go be with his friend group as since then, you noticed Lando seemed weird. He was usually the life of the party and he always enjoyed himself in these environments, so to see him just stand there and sway his head to the music was a foreign sight.

"Dance with me, baby", you put your back to his chest, letting his hand hold you by your waist still while you swayed your bodies.

"I love you, Y/N, never forget that", he mumbled spontaneously after a while, kissing your cheek multiple times before hiding your face in your neck.

"I love you too, Lan, so much", you replied back as that was the last clue that something was going on.

A couple hours later, and after you had been sat at the booth for quite a bit, you told Lando that you felt a little tired, Max and Pietra agreeing with you that all the travelling had caught up with you, so you made your way out and back to his apartment.

"Have a goodnight, guys", you waved as Max helped his girlfriend into the room, the blonde woman having already fallen asleep on the way.

"Are you feeling better, Y/N?", Lando wondered as he watched you put your heels back in their spot once you stepped inside your bedroom and closed the door behind you.

You debated telling him the truth, but your relationship has been built in honesty and trust about everything, so the course to take was obvious, "Actually", you began, "I am totally fine, but I noticed you weren't great, you didn't seem that happy and I thought we could talk about it , if you'd like", you suggested, "or we could sleep, I'm fine with either, but I hope you choose the one that makes you feel better", you smiled.

The smile quickly vanished when Lando got up from the bed, his body language tight and tense, "now you care about me? Now you want to know if I'm okay or if I'm doing what makes me happy? All after I felt like shit and had to deal with things on my own?", Lando mused, taking you aback with such words.

"Lando, baby, what do you mean with that?", you asked.

"You were here and I was there, and then I have been here while you've been back home and you haven't been there for me", Lando spat, "I just wanted you by my side, I needed you and you weren’t there for me", he concluded. The anger previously in his tone was replaced by sadness and a hint of shame even.

"Lando, it's not like I have been on vacation purposefully away from you - there have been matters that my family needed me to take care of as there wasn't anyone else to take that responsibility! I don't understand where this is coming from - if I wasn't with you it's because I really couldn't be there!", you argued.

"It's... I can't do this right now", Lando looked up as tears started brimming his eyes.

"It seems not", you defended yourself, feeling the hints of accusation and the lack of flexibility and empathy from your boyfriend, "excuse me", you offered, grabbing your pyjamas and leaving your shared bedroom.

The accusations you threw to one another were heard by your guests as Max looked for you while you adjusted the living room sofa so that it could turn into a single bed, not needing the full sized mattress since you'd be clearly sleeping alone.

"What are you doing here?", Max wondered.

"You don't need to pretend you didn't hear that", you shrugged your shoulders before wiping your cheeks with your thumb, pulling on the sheet so the corner wouldn't fly off during the night.

"I can't take the guest room when you are sleeping here, Y/N", Max offered, pulling your hand so you would get up.

"I'm fine, it's not like I'm counting on getting that much sleep", you mumbled, sitting down against the cushions.

"You two are going to sort it out", Max gulped, "you always do, Y/N", sitting down next to you.

"Do you think we will?", you muttered, the weight of the words leaving your mouth settling in the possibility, "did he tell you anything? I'm at a loss at where all of this has come from", you offered your perspective.

"You're Lando and Y/N - there is no way in this world that you don't make it work. You are meant to be, no matter whatever turn you took in your life or whatever decisions you could've taken differently, you and Lando were supposed to meet in every single one of them", Max comforted as he rubbed your back, letting you rest your head on his shoulder.

"Things are so messed up between us", you tutted at your boyfriend's earlier words and the disbelief that this was happening.

"Lando has been under a lot of pressure lately", Max offered, "I know his words hurt you and I'm certainly not justifying them, but he's... He just wants to be his best self for you, and between his family issues and this season's prospects, not having you with him there has shaken the foundation he thought was his steady self".

"I didn't notice it - yay for the bad girlfriend points!", you jokingly cheered before groaning, "I need out of this day".

"That's why you should go to the spare bedroom to sleep it off, Y/N", Max sternly said, "and you're not a bad girlfriend for this, not at all".

"I'm staying here, I told you", you stated, "you go and take that spare room, P is probably asleep on the bed already", you giggled, "I'll be fine".

"Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity for a fresh outlook of this whole situation", Max tapped his thighs before getting up, "Good night, Y/N".

"Good night, Max", you waved as he turned off the ceiling lights and closed the French doors that separated the living room from the dining room and the rest of the apartment.

Lando tossed and turned around for what felt like the hundredth time since he laid down on the mattress.

His words didn't come out the way he wanted them to.

But maybe it was for the best.

He didn't want to hurt you, and that is both a burden and a guilt that he will carry for the rest of his life.

She'll never forgive him. Not now that he's really shown how messed up and broken he is. How the playful, giggly boyfriend she was with is now a shell of a poor excuse of a man. He had been spending the nights alone since you were gone, but now that he knew you were - hopefully - still somewhere in the apartment and not next to him, the weight on his chest couldn't be heavier. It gets harder to breathe, and the thoughts don't stop.

He's lost the best person in his life because these insecurities got the best of him. Once again, he's letting them win and take charge of his life.

Lando sits up and holds the pillow you usually sleep with, trying to catch a small whiff of your scent that still lingers there and usually calms him down.

He's done something really bad. Maybe this was him. This was who he was nowadays and he was truly doing you the favour of letting you out before it got too bad.

When Lando wakes up after sleeping for what feels like a long nap, only Max is up as he steps into the kitchen.

"Morning", Lando muttered, not sure where to pick up from what he knows his bestfriend heard only a couple of hours ago.

"Morning, mate! P is feeling the hangover, so she'll be out for a while! Let's go on a run, it will do us both good", he put his hands on Lando's shoulders and patting them.

Lando groans and looks longingly at the living room, noticing the closed doors, wondering if you were still asleep.

Such an ass he is, letting his girlfriend sleep on the sofa.

Lando and Max run the usual distance, stopping to stretch at the little park area near his apartment, and because it's still early, there is no one else around but them and an older man walking his dog.

"Will you tell me what's going on with you and Y/N? Because by the looks of it, you really should talk to someone about it", Max stated. There wasn't a chance that Lando could run away from this, figuratively or literally, so he explained to his bestfriend what had been going on his mind.

"Do you think I am someone worthy of her? Y/N deserves so much better than me, so it's best if she leaves me first", Lando concluded.

"If she leaves you first, what?! Do you think it won't hurt you? Or her? Is that what this is all about?", Max argued, "you're seriously telling me that the only way you see a solution for this is to break up with her because you're so sure she wants to break up with you?! This is ridiculous, Lando!!".

"Of course it will hurt, Max! I love that girl with everything I have and I can't bear the thought of disappointing her, of her having less than she deserves, and I also can't even think about her leaving me! The anticipation that any moment she could say those words has been killing me!", he admitted outloud for the first time.

"Lando, that girl loves you with every bone of her body, do you really think she is going to break up with you?", Max sighed, "your mind is lying to you and it pains me to see the way it's doing it to you and the people around you".

"I'm not where I should be, these thoughts are consuming me left and right and I can't tell apart what is real and what my mind is catastrophising ", Lando agreed.

"Lando, people can't help you if you don't tell them you're feeling like that", Max stated, both sternly and empathetically, "and there are so many people that care about you".

They sit in silence in the bench as Lando ponders his words and Max replays them on his head.

"Is that what is going on in your head, though? That Y/N is going to leave you, and so you're getting ahead of it by breaking up with her?", Max mused.

"When you say it like that, it sounds so stupid and the opposite of what I want to do", Lando scoffed at himself, "but everything is aligned to it - she can do so much better for herself, and it's stupid I know, but my mind goes on and on about this and it almost never quietens down", he gulped.

"Y/N doesn't want to leave you, Lando, that's another lie you're telling yourself", Max offered, "she loves you and you deserve eachother because you're it, you're the endgame and you can work through this, but she needs to know".

"I know - sometimes I do anyway, I think", Lando chuckled lightly at his own joke, "we need to go home, I need to speak with Y/N".

"Indeed you do", Max agreed, getting up and following him to the apartment.

Pietra was already up and in the kitchen when the boys arrived, pecking her boyfriend's lips and looking at Lando, "Y/N's up, we have had breakfast and she went back to the living room while I was in the shower", she informed as Lando nodded.

"Can I come in?", Lando asked after knocking on the door.

"Yes, it's your apartment after all", you mused as he stepped inside

"No, Y/N", Lando groaned, "this is our place, my love, and there's something I need to tell you, many things in fact", he added.

"You should start then", you patted the spot next to the mattress where you had spent the night.

"I love you, Y/N, so much, that was never a question, and it was because I love you so much that every now and again, I have these thoughts that I'm not good enough for you, that I can't give you what you deserve and that you'd be better off with someone else, or without me", he took a big breath in, "I just wanted to be my best self for you, and it all comes crashing and building up and up and I can't shut the noise down".

"Lando, you could've told me, I would've helped, try to do my best in helping you so you weren't carrying this on your own", you offered, your hand crawling to his so you could hold it in yours.

"I hated that I needed you that much because you also have your own life and you don't want to be next to me every waking second. In my head, you shouldn't have to deal with me being needy of feeling like this", he admitted.

"And I'll be, I don't care what you need or say, Lando, I'm going to be here for you, I don't have to go back for a while now, so I'll be where you need me", you offered, "and, Lando, you could never be too much for me, you could never make me feel like I can do better because every day I thank my lucky stars that we're together and that you feel the same love I feel for you", you cupped his face, "you deserve so much, Lando Norris, and I'll work everyday to prove you that you're worthy of love and care and that things going on here are sometimes a lie", you kissed his forehead.

"I don't deserve having you, I yelled at you for no reason", Lando mumbled.

"There was a reason, and it would take me a lot more than you yelling at me when you're stressed and worried, but I'd also like to know whatever is happening when it is happening so I can help, or we can seek out professional help too", you rubbed his cheeks with your thumbs.

No one had ever fought for him like this. He's used to be the one to prove to people that they belong in his life and that's he's all in, not the other way around since, once every time his partners start to feel like it's too much once the honeymoon phase fades out and regular, day-to-day troubles show up notice it getting serious, they flee.

"We'll do this together, lovie", Lando muttered against your lips as he looked into your eyes, "I'm sorry I doubted you when in reality you are the one who's always stuck with me", he smiled, kissing your lips.

[solurae]

four eyes (more to love underneath the frames) — PT.1

HELLO!!! okok the prologue received some good reception so i will!!! be continuing the series :3c THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE NICE COMMENTS AND REBLOGS AND OHHHH MY GOD THE MOTHER OF NERD!MIGUEL @nymphomatique REBLOGGED MY PROLOGUE (i could die happy) ty for the food and the inspiration to start this series!!!

i’m still the process of setting up my tumblr because my ass made this my secondary blog (but idek if that changes anything… i don’t think) OH AND YES THERE IS NOW A TAG FOR THE SERIES! ALSO PLSPLSPLS DON’T BE AFRAID TO SEND THROUGH ASKS FOR DRABBLES OR REQUESTS OR ANYTHING REALLY!!! i’m more than happy to feed us both hehe

tw/cw: mmmm not any i can think of (FIXING ANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AFTER POSTING BECAUSE I’M COOL)

PROLOGUE?! < <

“sorry students, the projector is currently out of order so i’d like for all of you to just go through the powerpoint on your own. feel free to come up and ask questions.” the professor sighs as he closes his laptop and settles down onto his desk, the chatter of other students and laptop keyboards create the perfect white noise for your 8AM lecture.

you weren’t really that keen on studying this period anyway so you’ll just get it done later but god he looked so much better up close. why did miguel have to be so fucking dorky and hot and cool all at fucking once? it bothered you that miguel has never spoken to you. ever. but with that in mind, no one would ever think of the effect this nerd had on you, not even the nerd himself.

“oi mate, mandem depending on you to pass this class.” you shake your head after you’re slightly shoved to the side of your desk by none other than your best friend bad influence. hobie, hobie, hobie… you groan as you look his way, legs propped up on the desk as if he’s completely unaware that he’s in an lecture hall. next to him is peter, trying to shove hobie’s legs off the table for fear of accidentally hitting miguel who was seated right infront of you.

peter and hobie were the angel and devil on your shoulder that manifested into your closest friends. it was so hard to make friends (partially because you weren’t interested in anyone aside from miguel) and that everyone in your class were already in tight knit friend groups, and it was clear they all wanted to keep it that way with the silent treatment and one-sided conversations. but that didn’t matter. what did matter was that neither of them were taking this class seriously.

hobie - for god knows what reason - just took the class for fun. well, hobie took it out of spite. he said and you quote, “it is my take on deconstructing the stereotypes and preconceptions of particular social groups alongside us punks that dictate that we lack the desire and strive for academic feats”. and you know what? for someone who likes to laze around and count the panels of wood used on the ceiling for half the lecture, his high grades put his narrow-minded folks to shame. oh and peter? although he couldn’t afford to skip his classes, he did anyway. mary jane, MJ - the mother to his children, as he calls her - is in the humanities elective they both share. and peter might as well skip that class instead of looking at MJ as if she invented humanities. you don’t know how watching you and hobie bicker was a better investment of peter’s time but no one was complaining. someone had to remind the both of you of operation miguel mutation, or in other words, get his gaze out of his books and onto your face.

“so much for wanting to prove the world wrong when you’re relying on someone else to do it for you”, you scoffed at hobie, pretending to brush dust off your shoulders. he chuckled, “i just wanted to know how it feels to be those good for nothing, narcissistic capitalists, is all”. you shoved him so hard it rattled your seats and you didn’t even realise you accidentally kicked miguel’s seat until his cold hard gaze towards you even made hobie look like an art piece in the middle of rendering.

“can i help you?”, fuuuuuuck off. he sounds so fucking hot. insanely hot.

his large pitch black frames could never obstruct how chiseled miguel was, he had angular features such as his nose, his jawline and even his cupid’s bow. but these features were softened with warm red eyes and wisps of his hair coming down to frame his forehead. o’hara’s face overall was slightly scrunched, his hand gripped onto the fold away desk while he faced you, his casual attire in sweats could barely hide his build. his mouth was slightly open, the very tip of his fangs making themselves known. he was definitely a specimen, a gorgeous specimen for lack of better word. you didn’t even realise you were staring at miguel until he raised his eyebrow and glanced over at hobie, then over to peter who was just happily content watching your unplanned, unconventional first meeting.

“oh. um, no?”, you were still confused why miguel (the man you’ve been trying to get the attention of ever since the first inkling of a feeling), suddenly turned around and spoke to you—

“excuse me, may i ask that you don’t disrupt your peers during class? i’m watching you too, brown.” if your teacher scolding you like a wack ass boy in year 9 wasn’t enough to make you embarrassed, your quick descent into realising that you quite literally pushed yourself - pushed miguel, rather - to make the first move. in the worst fucking way possible. you ducked your head a bit in an attempt to avoid the gazes of your classmates only to find your shoe jammed between the gap next to miguel’s seat, missing his elbow by a mere few centimetres.

you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

so much for devising a plan to properly introduce yourself by actually trying in class by answering the lecturers questions, to the point miguel can’t help but wonder that there is in fact competition. aware of his competitive nature, miguel would try to get ahead of you or widen that gap but then realise he was all wrong from the moment you’d tap his shoulder for a question you pretend to not understand, to look as if you’re struggling so much miguel can ignore his own studies for a little while to help you. men are stupid after all. miguel doesn’t apply here but being an outcast adjacent of the entire university has its benefits, in a way where it benefits your elaborate plan from stroking miguel’s ego by helping you, to ever so slightly become more and more interested in you. once you slowly ease into getting out of pretending to be an academic victim and miguel finds the joy in being academically challenged by the one girl who braved the odds and approach the mysterious mutant, he’d ask to you to meet at the cafeteria or the library. it didn’t matter. you would then, finally then, be in miguel’s line of sight.

“if this is your way of trying to get into my pants, i’m not interested.”

papers were stuffed into bags and the squeaking of chairs reverberated the lecture theatre. people were making their way to their next class while peter, hobie and yourself shared looks of disbelief, disgust, along with hobie’s infamous expression that scream the words i fucking told you so.

what the fuck? what the actual fuck was that?

o’hara didn’t miss a beat and swivelled around to start packing his belongings, completely unaware of how his response alone completely changed and destroyed all prior preconceptions about this man - or boy as you would now call him - turns out being smart never stopped anyone from being dickhead.

you felt like you just failed a quiz you didn’t know that was happening, despite being prepared to ace it.

it wasn’t like you to fail, however. especially not to him.

[ 🩷 — TAGS! @angelicful @lilipads @zaunsin @m4dyy @okkotszn @rhythmloid @cosmicbarstardust @thespaceinbetweennothing @cu1tvenus @huniedeux @oharasfilipinawife @ilovemuppets @loonalockley ] feel free to comment if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

[cocklessboy]

So here's the thing about having a post break containment on tumblr: if you make a mistake in the original post, there's absolutely fucking nothing you can do about it.

The people reblogging once you realize your mistake aren't reblogging it from your blog. They're reblogging it from someone you never even knew existed. If you edit the original, it does not affect the copies already being passed around.

You can make an addition to the post with a correction! But here's the thing. Posts tend to break containment if they are tagged and people see it in the tags they follow. But reblogs don't appear in tags. Only original posts do. So your addition will only be reblogged by people who follow you, and it's pretty rare for a post with a correction added in a reblog to break containment in the same way as the original.

So you wind up getting a lot of reblogs with angry comments about how you're wrong (and that's if they're being polite - the less polite ones will attack you rather viciously, which is not something I would wish on anyone). And even if you didn't make a mistake, if there's something you didn't make clear enough for Tumblr Reading Comprehension™️, you'll wind up inundated with angry comments from people who missed the point, and it's too late to go back and adjust your wording to make it clearer.

(That's why I'm making a new post for this instead of responding to the comments I got on the post in question, by the way. I'm hoping some of the same people who spread around the original might spot this one in the tags and share it around as well.)

So what is this about? I recently made a post about how a friend was worried that I was addicted to my ADHD meds purely because I said I look forward to taking them and they bring me joy.

The purpose of that post was:

Something bringing you joy doesn't necessarily make it addictive. (For fuck's sake stop being afraid of pleasure.)

Even if something is addictive, that's not inherently harmful.

Don't be afraid to take your meds just because they might be addictive. If they help you more than they harm you, take them.

I also made a comment about how my ADHD meds aren't addictive anyway. This is the point people have been pouncing on me about. So allow me to explain where that assertion came from.

My psychiatrist, an ADHD specialist who manages my meds: I know you're nervous about addiction and tolerance to meds, but don't worry. If you have ADHD, methylphenidate is not physically addictive.

My GP, who I got a second opinion from out of nervousness: Yup, your psychiatrist is right. You don't need to be afraid to take these. Take them as directed and you will not form a physical dependence on them. If you notice them getting less effective with time, though, you can always just take a break from them to remove any tolerance.

Me, after a year and a half of taking these meds: Yup, no addiction here. I guess my doctors were right.

So here we are. Two doctors and my own personal experience have assured me that ADHD meds are not something to be afraid of. Yet I keep seeing people afraid to take their meds because they're afraid of dependence. So why don't I do a nice thing in this post of mine and reassure my fellow gremlin-brained tumblrs that their meds are perfectly safe to take!

And to be fair, I've gotten quite a few reblogs with tags and additions and comments saying thank you, I was afraid to take my meds, even though they help me, but now I'm reassured that I shouldn't be scared.

And I think that's a positive outcome.

On the other hand, I'm getting some very angry comments from some people who seem to think I'm attempting to spread a vicious, intentional lie claiming that people with ADHD are immune to stimulant addiction and that I'm going to do all kinds of harm, presumably on purpose, because there's nothing I enjoy more than ruining other people's lives! 🙌

I would assume that anyone who thought about this for more than three seconds would realize that's not the case, but this is tumblr.

I've gotten angry rants ranging from "this author you've never heard of wrote a book where he defined addiction as inherently harmful, and therefore you're harming people by saying being addicted to something is not inherently bad!" to "STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION!!!" to "OP is making statements that are incompatible with reality!" and folks? I'm real fucking tired of it.

Is it possible that my doctors are wrong? Of course! Doctors get things wrong all the time, especially when it comes to stuff like ADHD! But yelling at me from across the internet and accusing me of lying is not helpful.

There is nothing I can do about the original post. I can reblog it with an addition clarifying that yes, everyone is capable of becoming psychologically dependent on basically anything in a way that would be considered addiction, and yes, that includes ADHD people and their meds.

To be clear, this does NOT contradict the intent of my original post: that ADHD meds are good, you should take them, medication making you feel good is nothing to fear, pleasure is not the same as addiction, addiction is not inherently dangerous, and according to my doctors, who are fallible human beings but my most trusted source of information as of the writing of that post, ADHD meds are not physically addictive - as in, your BODY will not become dependent on them to function. This is the definition of "addiction" I had in mind when I wrote that post - and I think in a lot of cases the thing upsetting people is that we don't even actually disagree on what we're trying to say, but there was a miscommunication in terms of what I actually meant.

If I could go back and edit that original post and have it change everywhere it's been reblogged, I absolutely would. I would clarify where my information was coming from and what definition of "addiction" I intended, and reiterate that even if something can cause physical dependence, that doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't take it.

But I can't. That post is out there now and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

Keep this in mind as you go forward in your tumblr journey, friends. If you come across a semi-popular post with a mistake in it, you can bet every bit of your ass that OP has heard about it many, many times already, probably in very impolite terms, and there is nothing they can do about the original post. Unless they're a massively popular blog, a reblog with an addition or correction will not be seen by the people spreading around the original.

And for fuck's sake, stop assuming ill intent on the part of people who say something incorrect online. There are people out there who intentionally spread misinformation, but those people are rare, and usually trying to get you to not vote democrat in US elections, not trying to encourage you to take your fucking meds. If you see a mistake, it's probably an honest one, and if you really want to correct it, be a decent fucking human being, be polite and kind, and try assuming good intentions on the part of the person who said it.

The person telling you to take your meds is not your fucking enemy.

Oh, and do me a favor and reblog this, please. I actually have very few followers so no one will see it if it doesn't get reblogged. Thank you.

[odyssean-flower]

Bouncing off of anon’s prior ask… I have a few questions of my own bc I’m curious about people’s take on his character. Also because I’m down tremendously for him but shhh—

What do you think dragon man is like when he’s in love? How does he treat them before and after relationship? Like is it a sudden realization, is he romantic? Hmmm many thoughts—

Ideal traits for a partner/mate?

For Yan Neuv, (because your yandere lil fic with him was lovely!!), do you have any headcanons on that aside from what was written?

Sorry if anything has been asked before as I’m rather new to your blog :)

But yeah anyways I hope that’s not too rambl-y! Ty for sharing your lovely stories and thoughts :333 I’m so excited for him in 4.1 and if you roll for him, I wish you luck in getting him! ❤️

Hi~~ thank you so much for reading my fics! Don't worry about being too rambly or repeating stuff, this is actually very helpful for me as it helps me flesh out my ideas as well 🤗 i apologize if any of this stuff isn't very creative lol

May we all get neuvillette and his weapon (and constellations) 🙏

When Neuvillette is in love (before relationship)

So I think Neuvillette would just be A Mess

He's not very good at figuring out emotions, particularly feelings of romance and love, because he always assumed that he would never fall in love

so when he does fall in love, it takes him a while to understand what he's actually feeling (probably after much studying and discussion with the melusines)

imo i feel like he'd be a bit conflicted bc as the chief justice, he feels like he shouldn't have such personal feelings for anyone, but on the other hand, even dragons feel lonely and want love, right?

he would observe you (discreetly and probably unconsciously), memorizing everything about you. He might unknowingly let the things he learned slip into conversation, causing much awkwardness

he finds himself thinking of you at random occasions and associating certain things with you

he noticeably softens when he's interacting with you. it's obvious to everyone except you two

would give you the most sincere and heartfelt compliments, but it doesn't even count as flirting for him, it's just him being himself

even though the chief justice is known to be reclusive, for some reason he would suddenly start frequenting the place where you work. He doesn't even stay there that long, but just makes some awkward and extremely polite conversation (doesn't show it on his face but he's super nervous and self-conscious)

speaking of self-consciousness neuvillette is pretty self-aware about the difference between himself and humans in regards to feelings. He's aware that he's not always the most knowledgeable about human emotions and behavior, which can cause misunderstandings between him and others, but he tries his best to make up for it

When Neuvillette is in love (after relationship)

congratulations for finally reaching this stage

i think neuvillette would be a latent romantic. As in, he has all the potential, but he's never been in a situation where that potential can be explored

but once he's in a relationship...prepare to be swept off your feet

he loves taking you to all the hidden, secret places only he knows about, like an out-of-the-way coffee shop, an inconspicuous nook with a great view of the mountains, maybe even an underwater ruin he really enjoys

will probably take you out on a boating ride

he also enjoys just spending time with you back at his home (hyv please show us where he leaves. i just wanna know)

basically, he'd prefer to spend time with you privately bc he's well aware of the tabloids and paparazzi and doesn't want your life to be ruined by them

does a lot of preparation for your dates. like, an absurd amount, because he would hate it if anything inconveniences you or makes you feel uncomfortable

will continue to say the most romantic and poetic things with the straightest face you've ever seen

not much pda even when it's just you two. a bit of hand-holding (l e w d), brushing his hand against your cheek, maybe even...forehead kisses???

if you are the one who initiates affection with him, his brain would short-circuit, simply because he's not used to having someone do that for him

likes to hear you talk about your day or just anything in general. would also talk about his own day. it makes for some fun lack of congruence

when he's sad, he'll come to you (vice-versa). you two don't talk much, but simply stay by each other's side until you feel better

when you're happy, he feels happy. and when you're sad, he feels sad as well

would be very protective, but would also respect your personal space

melusines will be your biggest supporters. they act as your go-betweens basically

bonus: i feel like furina will be amused by neuvillette's newfound relationship and will probably try to follow you on your dates. she'll attempt to disguise herself but nothing can hide that giant ahoge. and neuvillette can see right through her anyways

Ideal Partner

i think he'd be drawn to someone with a strong sense of justice, someone who has strong beliefs and sticks by them, even if they clash with his own

he would be the type who would welcome being challenged and debated; he would find it refreshing honestly

someone with a similar temperament to him would work, but he'd also find himself unexpectedly attracted to a more fiery, outspoken person

big bonus points if they're nice to the melusines as well

Yandere Mermaid!Neuvillette

i don't know if you're talking about this one but i'll assume you are

hmm i don't know i feel like i put everything i wanted into that fic

so during your weekly meetings, i think neuvi would have moments where he'd imagine himself coming onto land and being with you there, i think he'd also be grudgingly curious about the human world especially after hearing your stories about it, but his sense of responsibility towards his people and his distaste for humans are strong, so his desire to turn you into a mermaid wins out

the underwater garden: he really did believe you'd feel better and that you'd fall in love with him (or at least act warmer towards him) when you saw it

after that fight (?) at the end: i think y/n kinda gave in because they realized that if they didn't accept their new life and the different morals of the mermaids, they would eventually go mad, since they were never escaping. so afterwards, y/n would throw themselves into getting familiar with mermaid customs (aided by neuvi) and just try their best to forget their old life. would probably be very clingy towards him bc ironically, neuvi is a part of their old life

neuvi, for his part, would be happy to see his mate finally accept him, but deep down he knows that it isn't out of real love and that his feelings will probably never be requited in the way he wants them to be. but he decides not to think about that bc having you broken but next to him is better than having you happy but separated from him

so yeah it's a very warped, co-dependent relationship

[lemonhemlock]

Hi Lemon! It's always a pleasure to read your thoughts on hotd so I just want to share mine and ask for your opinion :)

First of all, I completely agree with one of the recent anons about helaemond and how it would have made the story better and more logical, the characters involved more engaging and human and ofc, the motivations more clear. And yes, it's ridiculous how my fellow greenies have been screeching about it making the greens look bad and hypocritical when in reality it would have only endeared them more to the GA (if done right, of course). Aemond would have been a multi layered character, Helaena would have had more relevance and Aegon and Aemond's fallout would have been more convincing. Oh well, a missed opportunity, unfortunately. But the greens are the ones who were damaged.

Second of all, Helaena is such a mystery to me and not in a good way. She has the same gift as Daenys the dreamer and yet she won't do anything with it? Why? To make her a constantly doomed and tragic figure who can't avoid her destiny? Because that's not the best explanation and just seems lazy. She is completely detached from the narrative. I thought at first that she couldn't interpret her dreams and visions, but after the balcony scene with Aemond it's obvious she can. Also, the way she apathetically talked to Aemond abut him dying and (sort of ) no one caring rubbed me the wrong way and I actually felt bad for him in that scene, not her, even though it obviously wasn't the writers' intention (and I agree with you, %his request wasn't unreasonable at all).

Finally, them using Helaena in Daemon's vision made my blood boil. Apparently, she can be Bran like toward her own brother because he "deserves" it, but it's OK to use her to "light the way" for Daemon in his "redemption" arc. It's unbelievable and straight up offensive . What is actually the point of her character and her ability then? Anyway, I would love to read your thoughts on this. Thanks.

first of all, anon, hello & thank you & i hope you enjoy your stay on my blog! 💚

PREFACING this by saying that the full helaena-aemond scenes might offer a bit more context than we already have, but, basically, here are my takes, as of now, the friday before the season finale. subject to change!

i guess my thesis statement is that this whole season kind of destroys helaena's character, as well.

let's look at her relationship with aegon:

from what i understand, she says she was "happy" before the war. a helaegon win perhaps? if she was "happy", then she must have been content enough with her position as aegon's wife, no? that doesn't seem like a huge logical leap to make. so, whatever aegon did or didn't do, it must just not have bothered her that much to impinge on her "happiness", even if perhaps she wouldn't necessarily rate him very highly as a husband either.

but, then again, she never mentions him. he just suffered a traumatic injury and is in constant pain. helaena is not besieged by grief this season, she is not catatonic with her own trauma, she is very lucid and calm and acting normally, yet she doesn't once ask about him or visit him or offer SOME kind of condolences or feel any kind of way about him being a cripple. he is still her brother, though? and apparently she has no particular beef with him? she shares a daughter with him, yet never even considers how it will be difficult for jaehaera to see her father like that. she just doesn't give a shit. and, i have to say, this makes her look rather sociopathic.

now let's look at her relationship with aemond. she is apparently so dismissive and gives zero fucks about the concept of aemond's death. like with aegon, there is a version in which helaena could have real grievances with aemond that could lead her to act like this. does she, though?

she doesn't give a shit that aemond burned aegon

she doesn't give a shit that aemond instigated the blacks into assassinating her son

she doesn't give a shit that aemond dismissed alicent from the council

what other reason could there possibly be? does she disagree with his war strategy? does she care that he burned a village? is she a secret rhaenyra stan? did he step on her favourite cockroach when they were kids and now it's payback time?

so, to be so indifferent and apathetic and downright heartless towards her brothers for no reason, again, paints her like a sociopath. what does she even care about? just her bugs? what in the seven hells? i'm not even sure that was the writers' intention anyway, they just truly have no idea what to do with her character. she is there so her interlocutor might exhibit some of their own character traits, but it's like talking to an android.

there are also ways in which one could show helaena's reluctance regarding flying dreamfyre to war, not just "lol i don't want to be bothered" when her family's lives are at stake. at the very least show her terrified of dying or squeamish about violence or something.

and her assisting daemon's redemption arc is downright nauseating. she gives zero fucks about her brothers, but DAEMON is the one she elects to help??

from a watsonian POV, she is not likeable or understandable at all, they are basically turning her into a selfish coward infantilising herself and not bothering to take the slightest initiative to change or influence the things she disagrees with, who just wants to sit on her arse all day waiting to die. but can she truly be analysed through a watsonian POV? was this the intention of the writers? (death of the author and all - what other in-universe characterisation could you give her based on her inaction on all fronts?)

like with alicent, i, for one, cannot apply watsonian analysis to helaena, because that's not how a human person would believably act in those situations. that's not how neuro-divergent people act! they cannot keep using this as an excuse. i don't want to hear the "everyone grieves in different ways" pretext. controversial opinion, but it's downright offensive to neuro-divergent people to claim they are so soulless and don't care about anything other than their hyper-fixations and would not blink if their family were in mortal danger or lift a finger to help in any kind of way

[wayfayrr]

Hello!

If it's alright with you, can I get a spiked Latte and some Christmas pudding to eat in please?

I absolutely love your writings and all of your works! You're definitely one of my favorite authors (*´꒳`*)

I hope you have a great day/night and a Happy Holiday!

- 𐂂 anon (if that's okay with you ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ)

it's more than alright!! welcome to this little corner of our hellsite elk!! (if you don't mind me calling you that ofc) I've seen you over on fir's blog assuming this is the same 𐂂 and it's lovely to meet you myself, I hope you're having a lovely day too <3

I wrote this one as a continuation to the other first request seeing as it flowed well and felt like the most natural thing to do. I hope you'll enjoy your order and your time here <3

[event masterlist]

“My deity? Is this not to your taste, did - did I do something wrong?”

What am I supposed to say to that? I feel like I’m about to throw up or pass out, not to mention the countless things in between. He’s standing in front of me with a bloody heart, all the while looking at me like a puppy begging for approval. 

“You - wh- where-”

don’tpassoutdon’tpassoutdon’tpassoutDON’TPASSOUT

[name] if you pass out here then none of the links will be able to help you, you cannot pass out. Just - just ask him to get rid of it, but he looked so proud of it. 

“Ple- please can you just… I don’t need that, can you… just - please get rid of it.”

He seemed dejected when I said that but he -thankfully- didn’t question it. Just left without another word with a defeated look on his face now leaving me all alone to settle myself enough to try get some sleep. Just - just have to get the image of that out of my head,  else I might never be able to sleep till I do. Maybe the others wouldn’t mind me going to share a room with one of them for the night but there’s always the chance they won’t let me live this down they have gone through worse than I have after all. No, it’s not worth the chance of embarrassing yourself infront of them like that, you’re fine in here on your own all you need to do is get changed and get into bed it’s easy; what chance will you have to get in a normal bed again anyway?

Going through the familiar motions of getting changed is grounding, calming even, throwing myself onto the bed and wrapping myself up in the plush blanket just helps even more. Falling asleep really won’t be hard. 

Mhpm why am I up? It’s not that much darker so I can’t have been asleep for much more than half an hour or so and I’ve never been a light sleeper like this. Who’s in the bed with me?

There’s a hand around you - look at that and then panic. Why is it cove-

“...First?”

“My deity? I thought you were sleeping?”

“And I - I - you… I - didn’t you say - didn’t I ask you to get rid of the blood?”

Oh fuck. Why is he holding me tighter now and… he’s sobbing. My back’s getting wet but it's not blood I hope, he’s just using me as a - a pillow. What did hylia do to him to mess him up this badly? From what he said before…she had to have something to do with why he’s like this. He can’t even breathe through his tears right now…

“Firs- link. Can we talk about - you know - all of this?”

Just more tears and half-hearted breaths. Is he forcing himself to be like this? Maybe if I can hold him it’ll help comfort him somehow. He- he has surprisingly strong arms considering, you shouldn’t be surprised, he probably beat that man to death with his bare hands, the fact that he was tortured and starved in a dungeon for who knows how long. 

“If not now… In the morning at least? Please?” 

A pout and a wet sniffle while he wipes his eyes to calm himself. 

“You know acting like this - it isn’t healthy. I - you can’t go around gifting me peoples hearts - that - that is not normal.”

“... if you say I must my deity.”

I’ll take it. 

Even with the puppy dog eyes he’s making at me.

[kimsmuse]

Hiii, I just came across your blog, and I L O V E it! Since you said you were looking for a recommendation, here's one from me. Yandere school president. They have immense power at their school because not only are they the president, but their parents own the school. Their word is quite literally the law at this school. He just so happens to be head over heels in love and obsessed with you. Give in to their obsessive and possessive love or suffer the consequences. Since he holds so much power, he can make you a school outcast in less then a week, and he can have teachers fail you or pick on you for the stupidest reasons ever, he'll make your life a living hell at school if you don't accept his twisted and fucked up love, it's best to just be a good darling, and let yourself be loved on his own terms. It's a concept I've thought about a lot, but I haven't seen much of it. Anyways, thank you for your time, and keep up the good work!!!

okay okay omg first of all your brain???? this way too good and oml now i'm sad i spent my entire school life without a class prez like this :( but let's talk about this !!! this is mildly inspired by this one guy from the kdrama called taxi driver (ep 3) !!!

gender neutral!reader. warnings for obsessive behavior, mentions of killing someone but it's nothing graphic. blackmail/coercion type thing?? and typical yandere behavior.

okay so yandere!class president who is so focused, he's the top student of the grade and he's good at sports too?? captain of the basket ball team?? i don't know how he does it because i really couldn't but anyway even apart from that he keeps on taking part and neatly scoring in debates, and writing contests, you name it and he's doing it. it does happen sometimes that he ends up getting silver or bronze but he's there on the list somehow.

and obviously if you've ever been a teenager then you know how attractive this type of people are, because they're good at everything, because they look very unattainable and bonus for our class president is that he's super hot as well. so obviously he had a classroom filled with admirers. and he loved the attention, who doesn't? but he's never thought more of it than that, the aspect of romance is kinda alien to him, he's had his fair share of physical relationships (if they can be even called that) but none of them too good to stay.

so he keeps on with his day, his cram school, having lunch, dinner, studying, more studying.

and when he bumps into you from his way back from the library, he just stops dead in his tracks as you attempt to pick up the books you both dropped, and when you look up at him he's literally frozen. who are you? why has he never seen you around? why do you look so pretty? hey, where's that romantic instrumental playing from? why-

"hey, mister, are you okay? i didn't hit your head or anything right?"

and trust me when he's the literal embodiment of the ":0" emoji.

anyway, but that guy has never had a crush before so at first he just feels like its some kinda internal intuition? that there's something wrong with you or something.

but then he finds himself trying to find your class, sitting there on the excuse of talking to some friends and obviously he's welcomed there.

and he figures that his initial impression might be a wrong because you were such a sweetheart. not as popular as him, and you stuck to your 2-3 friends but he saw the way you would smile at people - a gentle, warm one. and he quite literally died when you greeted him that way once, surprised that you would know about his existence

it wasn’t that he forgot he was famous but having a crush really does wonders to your self esteem.

also you best believe he's digging up all your information, your past schooling if you've transferred, your parents' background, your social media and duh, where you live, where you work.

and if you work somewhere like a cafè or a convenience store, he's there for half the day, "studying" for exams and stuff, he claims it helps more than studying at home. and all the time his eyes barely register a page because he's looking at you as you're hard at work, helping customers, greeting them with that damned, charming smile and then in rare moments he looks at you as you lose that demeanor and sigh out of exhaustion. poor baby, he wished he could something for you so bad in those moments.

and then comes the part where his friends (he has a lot of friends but he believed that when you have a crush you shouldn’t tell everyone? also given his popularity... he figured it wouldn't be a greatest idea ever. so he only told like a guy or two) they adviced him to just go up to you and ask you out? what's the problem even? he's literally the golden boy of the school, why would someone reject him ever? you shouldn’t even be worried about that, dude! but with that confidence in himself, he decides on a day, nothing too significant and he looks at himself in the mirror.

"uh, actually, i do have a partner," did you hear that? the glass shattering? uh, that was his heart. that was his reaction when you told him this. but it was true, you had a partner in another country (which made sense that the yandere did not come to know of this before because he had been following you, just to make sure you were safe ofcourse, and he did not see a persosn who could classify as a romantic threat) and you loved them very much! no matter how cute and great this guy was, you were loyal to them.

and now cue the yandere's sad era. but only for like a day or two. until he realizes something. this was absurd, you were rejecting him? when so many people would literally kill for something like this? it was unbelievable. but he was deadset, this was the first time he felt this way for someone and he was determind to make you feel the same, or at least keep you with him, and he would do it with any means necessary.

he realized that your friends' parents were mere employees in his dad's company so all it took was one meeting. "stop talking to y/n." for them to start ignoring you and they did not even try to keep it lowkey and you had to resort to sitting alone at lunch, giving an easy access to the guy who used it as a time to sit beside you and tell you about his day, nevermind the fact that for the first few times you would just up and leave. and then you finally decided to just snap.

"what the fuck do you want?" you look at him, frustrated by all these things, and changes happening in your life in less than a week.

he just smirked, that mf had the audacity to smirk? "you, ofcourse,"

now he wasn’t quite violent because he'd just entered adulthood, he did not want to fuck up and spend the rest of his years in jail (not that he actually would because his parents would be hiring the world's best lawyers for him) but he did imagine it, murdering your s/o. he did not know what they looked like, but all they saw was you happy in their arms and as much he loved that little smile of yours, he wanted it to be for himself! not someone else!

so anyway, after you storm out on him after the last conversation, you get your english test results back and a big, red F is staring at you.

and normally your parents weren't grade obsessed but you would boast to them about how good you were at english and how much you loved the subject and even the teacher agreed thaf you were good at it.

when you meet with the teacher after class, he just removes his spectacles and rubs his eyes, "listen, y/n, you're one of the smartest students i've had the pleasure of teaching. so make the right choice, it's good for your future. just say yes to him. he's not bad, you know,"

he was behind this???????

you felt even more utterly helpless when you found that the yandere's parents fund almost more than half of the school so there’s nobody who would be willing to go against them and help you, no matter how much you would plead them.

"a transfer? don't even think about it, baby, nobody is going to issue that certificate unless i say so,"

chills run down your neck as he whispers this. you were truly stuck with him.

[celticbotanart]

ALRIGHT, since Halloween is just around the corner and this blog is ALSO about sharing and talking about my full-time hyperfixation (music), I want to make some recommendations of "unusual" or just unknown songs that very well fit the theme! I've mentioned before that I love making thematic playlists and that I have rules for them everything (it's serious shit!!), so I wanna share some of the songs featured in my "Ecclectic Halloween" playlist. The two basic rules I applied for that playlist are:

The song MUST include anything supernatural, spooky, bizarre, "murder/serial killer", classic creature and so on

The song can be of ANY genre; is it metal? Prog? Disco? Electronic? Soundtrack? COOL, ALL ARE WELCOME!

Let's get started!

1 - Rainbow - Tarot Woman

As an unapologetic 70s dad rock advocate, I HAVE to start with one of my fave bands of the genre! The song begins with a DOPE synth/keyboard solo, and then iconic Dio (the one Dio from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure was named after) comes in with a bunch of cryptic imagery, like the predictions the tarot woman is telling him as she turns the cards side on:

Something in the air Tells me to beware - No, no, no! Her love is like a knife She'll carve away your life - So go, go, go! Beware of a place, a smile on a bright shiny face I'll never return, how do you know? Tarot woman! But I don't know, I don't know!

2 - Blackmore's Night - I Guess It Doesn't Matter Anymore

From the same breed of the first song, cause Blackmore was the guitar player / composer for Rainbow - except that Blackmore's Night is a project he made way later (late 90s), with his wife Candice Night, who sings all the songs and composes with him. This song is about the CLASSIC tale of someone giving a lift to a mysterious woman they found wandering at the side of the road; when they get to the place she wanted to go and asks to leave, the driver turns around! And the lady, she's suddenly gone!!!!!

Standing in the rain, the cold and angry rain In a long white dress, a girl without a name She stood beneath the light, Glowing like a candle bright I guess it doesn't matter anymore (...) Finally she spoke, 'come pull off the road' Saying she was headin' home I turned and she was gone, I was all alone

3- Loreena McKennitt - The Bonny Swans

You might be asking: "Oriel, what the fuck, why is soft spoken-christmas songs-traditional folk medieval instruments Loreena McKennitt in this playlist at all??? With a song named like THAT?? What is so scary about pretty glorified ducks anyway?" - And to that I'll say right off the bat this is the most metal song in the entire playlist, and I say this unironically. This song is inspired by an old ballad and it tells about a girl who was drowned by her own sister out of jealousy of her betrothed; the sister kills her so she can have the lad for herself. It already has murder, as you can tell - but it gets WORSE, as the body of the drowned girl floats down the river and is found by a miller's daughter; a passing-by bard then uses the dead girl's bones and golden hair to make a harp that plays on it's own, possessed by the dead girl's spirit???? She (as the harp) asks to be taken to the court, the bard takes her, and AS A CURSED HARP MADE OF BONES the dead girl outs her sister as her murderer, in front of the entire family and the court. Look. If this isn't METAL AF, I don't know what ELSE can be. The "bonny swans" from the title comes from the comparison Loreena makes of the pale girl's body floating in the water, to swans swimming along. kkkkkkkkkkk JESUS.

He made harp pins of her fingers fair With a hey ho and a bonny o He made harp strings of her golden hair The swans swim so bonny o He made a harp of her breast bone With a hey ho and a bonny o And straight it began to play alone The swans swim so bonny o He brought it to her father's hall With a hey ho and a bonny o And there was the court, assembled all The swans swim so bonny o He laid the harp upon a stone With a hey ho and a bonny o And straight it began to play lone The swans swim so bonny o

4- Sting - Moon Over Bourbon Street

Probably one of the most fun songs in this, because it's a song written by Sting, inspired by Anne Rice's "Interview With the Vampire"! The song is under Louis' PoV, and he laments his current condition as a vampire and also as a man of god, as he wanders through New Orleans's streets. This Sting's live performance of this song (the live in Berlin, 2010) is my favorite by far - there's a whole ass epic orchestra and even a theremin! hehe

I pray everyday to be strong For I know what I do must be wrong Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet While there's a moon over Bourbon Street It was many years ago that I became what I am I was trapped in this life like an innocent lamb Now I can never show my face at noon And you'll only see me walking by the light of the moon

5- AQUA - Halloween

Yes, THAT AQUA - turns out they DO have more songs other than Barbie Girl, and they actually slap - I was there in the 90s, when the Deep Eurodance Magic was written. I LOVE this one because it has such a fun vibe, and obviously, inspired by the "Halloween" movie franchise - Lene plays as the girl alone at night who receives a call from René, playing as the psycho who's after her. They even act that scene at the begining of the song dsjfhjsdgf so cool!

The sound of shoes, a shadow that moves Something odd is tic tac ticking Someone's in here, I'm so full of fear The telephone is ringing!!

6- E Nomine - Das Tier In Mir

ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVES IN THIS PLAYLIST. E Nomine was (?) a German electronic music project who DARED to mix in dark techno/trance beats AND CHANTS IN LATIN, as this deep-voiced dude sings/borderline-raps in German. ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN, BUT I PROMISE, ITS SO SO SO DOPE. They also sang about all sorts of religious / dark fantasy themes - they have an entire album based on the Bible, which I promise, they made it a LOT MORE RAD AND COOL than it sounds; and another album about the supernatural and all kinds of creatures, like vampires, ghosts, werewolves, demons. "Das Tier in Mir" or "The Animal In Me" is their "werewolf" song - it starts off with this kid singing in Latin about the forest, and the moonlight, and the song goes on with Deep Voice Dude singing under the werewolf's perspective; it even features a dramatic transformation sequence!!

[Latin]The forest is hidden, in the moonlight, My home is the forest In the starlight (...) Dark clouds and dark thoughts, The full-moon night smashes my barriers down. The animal desire that I massacre comes in me. I feel this bloodlust here and now. Deep in the night the twinkling stars, A sweet smell is drawing me into the distance. But careful if my passion gets aroused quite gently in the night And the hunter wakes up in me! (Translation from here - it's rather clunky, but that's the gist of it!)

7- E Nomine - Mitternacht

Yep! Another one by E Nomine, BECAUSE THEY JUST SLAP TOO HARD. "Mitternacht", or "Midnight" is pretty much about the Witching Hour, all the spirits comes out when the bell strikes midnight!! This one is SUCH A FAVORITE of mine because it sounds EXACTLY what a DJ would play as vampires dressed in fancy, old outfits and masks waltz around in a haunted, opulent manor

When the gondolas are in mourning and the dead's lament resounds horror is breathing down your neck When the clock starts striking cold thick fog is touching you gently ...midnight! [Latin] midnight, dark night, cruelty of the soul the bell is ringing twelve times ...midnight! (Translation from here - same from previous song, kinda clunky but we get it)

8- Dead or Alive - Something In My House

Another classic banger with the catchiest fucking tune ever, by You-Spin-Me-Right-Round-Baby-Right-Round Dead or Alive, sung by ICONIC genderfucker wizard Pete Burns (the Gender Envy of him in this video is real). I have to admit, this one is SLIGHTLY cheating on my rules, cause the "something in my house" in question is not anything supernatural - it's a metaphor for a gone-wrong relationship, lol. Ngl, I think this is kinda fucking brilliant. But like, the spooky, Halloween-y vibes are all there nonetheless: wolves are howling, Pete is singing in an old castle and looking 200% like a vampire. Even if I'm cheating a little, it still fits!

There is something in my house - my house, It's just a ghost of a long long dead affair, There is something in my house - my house, I just keep a hearing you runnin' on up my stairs, But you're not there

9- League of Legends - Fiddlesticks, The Harbinger of Doom

Finally, some soundtracks! I don't play LoL, but I absolutely love some of the character's themes, and Fiddlestick's is one of them! For what I've got, Fiddlesticks is like this ancient, nightmare-ish Freddie Krugger-like entity, and BOY, does the song reflect exactly THAT. It SOUNDS like a horror movie, and I'm obsessed about it!!

When fields lie calm and wind stands still (Run home, run home) As the crows make night of the fading Sun (Hide now, hide now) When the trees do bow, as if they weep (Stay down, stay down) Though its light beckons forth, a melody calls out (Too late, too late)

10- The Alan Parson's Project - The Cask of Amontillado

And!!! Last but not least!! Closing this playlist with THIS ULTIMATE DAD PROG ROCK BANGER, which as you can see, is inspired by Poe's tale "The Cask of Amontillado". In fact, the entire album where that song comes from, "Tales of Mystery and Imagination - Edgar Allan Poe", is inspired by his work. Yeah there are also songs on "The Raven" and "The Fall of the House of Usher" too for example! It's just so cool! But "The Cask of Amontillado" is by far my favorite, specially with the instrumental part at the end, ughhhh <3

By the last breath of the four winds that blow I'll have revenge upon Fortunato Smile in his face I'll say "come let us go I've a cask of Amontillado" (...) You who are rich and whose troubles are few May come around to see my point of view What price the Crown of a King on his throne When you're chained in the dark all alone

This is definitely a long ass post, and I really had to cut it even shorter bc of Tumblr's dumbass video limit, but that's alright. I might even put up a part II, hehe I hope you like the Halloween-y songs recs!!

[bleachbleachbleach]

I don't know if you'll see this, but I've been having this thought for a while and needed to share

You have already shared your view about that whole "souls can't remember their lives before Soul Society" and such, but I've been thinking...

It's ever said that the souls in Rokungai know that they're dead? Well, the Shinigami makes sense to know and the other souls knows about the Shinigami, obviously, but I don't remember if it was ever commented about them knowing they're dead when they wake up in Soul Society

Maybe someone else needs to explain them the situation when a new soul appears? Idk

What do you think?

And excuse me if I'm being dumb about this topic, I'm just not good at remembering stuff

This blog receives 1 ask every few months and averages about 9 notes per post. XD Of course we saw this! Thank you for stopping by! <3

I think this might be in reference to tags we left on this post? At least, that's the most recent discussion I can recall.

Canonically speaking, this guy comes to mind, who knows the year and location of his death:

[Bleach 076 -- (Sorry, no original text--I'm not on the right laptop right now!]

Granted, that doesn't mean he knew this immediately on entry into Soul Society, or knew that he was in this place because he'd died!

But then, of course, there's also this whole ticket system, so I suppose even if you didn't know intrinsically that you had died, some terrible dude dressed in black and shouting about your having died might be something you take at face value (or not!). Or maybe people in Rukongai find you first, and you get the folktale of your own death from souls like you before they send you off to the proper authorities for your ticket.

I've also written fanfic where Hinamori does a more intensive intake of a soul, sort of like what you're describing (though in his case, he knows he's dead, because he died on purpose).

My preference is pretty much always going to be for things to be as paradoxical, contradictory, elusive, and mutable as possible, so if I were going to incorporate Mr. "1947 in Yamanashi" into something, there's a 99% certainty he'd be the odd duck out in terms of having retained that information, and it would be info that existed in fragments and broken conjurations. I'd probably write that there were entire divination practices within different Rukongai subcultures that strove to either remember/cogently arrange the past, or predict the future (in reincarnation), and it's this whole elaborate thing. Some of the divinators are probably legit--but many are probably charlatans who implant all manner of weird, potentially harmful false memories in people--or benign but ultimately untrue--things in people's heads. But then, maybe that's all they need to be. When you're constantly told that the ghost-life you are currently living exists only as a waypoint or halfway between one reality and the next, I imagine it's hard to hold onto desire. Whether the spark is real or not, maybe the fact of the spark is all that comes to matter.

Personally, I also like the idea that although shinigami have this whole ticket system and they'd love for souls to enter into Soul Society all in the same place, in an orderly fashion, that's not necessarily how it works, and the number crunching the 12th does about how many souls are in which district (and which plane of existence) is based on statistical models and cannot actually account individually for each soul. Maybe some come into Soul Society in human form. Maybe some were STILL A BIRD when they arrived, but ultimately became a boy. Maybe some souls spring out fully formed and humanoid and others are elemental first, before solidifying into something else. Maybe some are cut out of peaches or bamboo, or appear as monsters, almost as Hollows--until it turns out they were a human soul all along (or were they...)

Anyway, that's where I'd take that! I'd love to hear more about your thoughts re: who explains the situation. It's a really fun question!

[archiveikemen]

'Secret in Your Heart' Collection Event: Ellis

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

thank you so much @candied-boys for sharing this story + the screenshots with me ♡♡!!

When I was about to go shopping on my day off, Ellis offered to come with me.

Ellis: Kate, let me carry your bags for you.

Kate: That’s alright. You’re already carrying the things I bought earlier.

Ellis: I still have one free hand.

Ellis: Moreover… I’m physically stronger than you.

Kate: Of course you are…

Ellis: I want to pamper you. Can’t I do that…?

(Uh…)

Kate: … Then I’ll accept your kind offer. Thank you, Ellis.

Ellis: Mm, you’re welcome.

(... Ellis is so kind, as always.)

Ellis was always excessively kind towards me, as if I were his lover.

But it wasn’t because I was special, Ellis was kind towards everyone.

Whenever I was with Ellis, my heart felt lighter.

Ellis: — Hey, how happy are you right now?

Kate: Hmm… this is the happiest I’ve been since I woke up this morning.

Ellis: … I see.

(This question again.)

— “How happy are you right now?”.

He would ask that question to me and everyone around him at every opportunity.

Initially, I thought that it was just a habit of his, but—.

(I feel like there’s specific meaning behind it. Something very important to Ellis.)

There was a sense of uneasiness that felt like being choked by a ball of cotton.

As I pondered about the question I couldn't find answers to, I heard small footsteps next to me.

(...?)

Little Boy: Because I like you, I’ll tell you my secret!

Little Girl: Then I’ll also tell you a huge secret because I like you too!

The little children held hands and ran off giggling.

Kate: Fufu, how adorable. It must be nice to have a close companion.

Ellis: Shall we tell each other our secrets?

Kate: Huh?

Ellis: I want to get closer to you.

Ellis: Maybe we can get closer if we tell each other secrets. … What do you think?

His cute child-like suggestion made me smile.

Kate: Okay.

Ellis: … Great.

(What secret should I tell him?)

Ellis: Someone once said to me that if you tell someone a secret you’ve never told anyone else, you’ll get along very well, but…

Ellis: … Don’t go too far because you're going to end up having a hard time.

Kate: … Ellis?

Ellis: Which one is better? A secret that will hurt, or a happy one?

— It felt as if the bustling city suddenly stopped.

(Huh…?)

Kate: A secret that will hurt?

Ellis: Mm-hmm.

Kate: … Am I the one who will get hurt? Or you?

Ellis: Both of us, I guess?

Ellis: It’s a secret I’ve never shared before.

(How should I respond…?)

If I chose the painful secret, I might get to find out the reason behind his disturbing aura, and the meaning of that question he always asks.

(But once I find out, there’s no turning back.)

Ellis: I’d hate to make you sad.

Ellis: So I suggest you choose the happy secret.

Ellis: … What’s your decision?

(...)

(I…)

Kate: Then… I’ll do as you suggested.

Ellis: Mm, okay.

I decided to go for the escape route Ellis offered me, and he brought his lips to my ear.

Ellis: To be honest, I’m in a bit of a fix because both my hands are full.

Kate: Huh?

Ellis: I realised that I can’t hold your hand because of all the bags I’m carrying.

The unexpectedly adorable secret made my heart feel lighter again.

Kate: I didn’t notice that.

Ellis: Fufu, I did my best to hide it.

Ellis: Anyway, what’s your secret, Kate?

Kate: Don’t laugh at it, okay?

Ellis: … I might laugh because of how cute you are.

Kate: Then I won’t say it.

Ellis: Just kidding, my bad. I promise not to laugh.

Ellis: So tell me more about yourself, Kate.

His words and actions never failed to make me feel like a large weight had been lifted off my heart.

However, I had a hunch that I would someday be consumed by the dark secret he was burdened with.

It would be like I’m paying the price for overlooking it.

[flowerandjewel]

Hello. I’m Florian, or Mod Flower I guess. My sister and I decided to set up this blog since we’re moving to Paldea soon. We wanted to make friends online at least, since making friends in person at a new school is probably going to be kinda hard. Uhhhh an about me… I like watching competetive battles on tv or mewtube. We’re from Galar so like, battling in general is kinda big culturally, yknow? I could never strategize like some of those gym leaders could though, have you seen Raihan’s weather team?

Okay okay we get it, you’re a nervous mess that likes to watch battles but not train Pokémon yourself. Okay. Hi, I’m mod Jewel, aka Juliana! Said the galarian way not the paldean way. I had to cut out like a paragraph of my brother going onnnnn and on nnnnn about gym leaders and the former champ Leon and strategies and like. Yeah that’s cool or whatever but we’re fifteen, we should be doing that ourselves now! Hopefully once we’re settled in paldea and the issue of school is dealt with, we can have our own exciting adventure!!! -Mod Jewel

This may not matter now, but for the future-

Mod Flower’s Pokémon: Sir Flatbread the Drowzee, Flint the Houndour

Mod Jewel’s Pokémon: Bowsette the Bounsweet, Lapis the Azumarill

Shared Pokémon: Koraidon, Miraidon

(OOC below the cut)

Howdy! I’m vesper, of @vespers-pokeblog-hub fame. This is a pokemon irl liveblog retelling of the events of Pokémon scarlet/violet, but with both protagonists and both versions of the story in one universe

Anyone can interact! I don’t know all the terms or anything, but I treat pokemon as sapient, if usually unable to speak with their trainers in most cases, anyways, and even if it’s other versions of Flori, Jul, their friends, etc, rotomblr is a multiverse imo. The twins are used to rotomblr at this point so they’re just like “oh ok might as well happen” about things.

I would like to ask you guys to not tell them how the story of scavio goes, unless it’s really vague like “the professor thing” or “is Mabosstif ok” or something like that- if you “spoil” their story to them I’m probably just going to ignore the ask.

Mails are okay, magic anons aren’t, I don’t know much about all the other stuff, but I’ll take it on a case by case basis, and I withhold the right to ignore anything that I don’t want to incorporate. Mystery gift is open!

This is really just an excuse to replay scarlet and violet, and a way to dip my toes in the Pokémon irl rp scene with a story I don’t have to completely make up since it’s just the canon story but my version haha.

I don’t really do DNIs because they don’t work imo, but I do block if I don’t like something. This probably won’t matter so long as everyone is normal, but this is tumblr, so like. It is what it is. I’m an adult but flori and Juli are kids so be normal, I’m autistic and might misinterpret things but I’m open to (good faith) correction so be normal, just treat me like you’d wanna be treated and we’ll be chill.

[riansdiary]

Answering last asks in my inbox 🎀

Hi my dearest gentle readers 💎

I'm answering all of my remaining asks here in this post because I didn't wanna leave anyone hanging. My asks will be temporarily closed due to me taking a break and focusing on my desires first. I will be back after making myself feel better! I'm just taking a long break because I don't wanna over consume on Tumblr so I'm not really gonna be that active at all. I'm only gonna be here to chat with my friends and post any epiphanies I have about the law of assumption! I also wanna complete myself like pour into my cup first before I pour into other's cups. I'm focusing on manifesting my most important desires. I'm currently still brainstorming and having epiphanies from time to time and I think I just need to hone my manifesting ability until I've found the best thing to do that works for me. Yes, I'm already good at it but I'm an overachiever since I was in school so I'm planning to understand the law better and make my methods even more effective! I'm studying the law not with books but with my own experiences.

Watch out for a post this week or the next week! I have a much better epiphany for you! I realized this new epiphany as I was manifesting for myself. I realized that I have the wrong Pov or mindset when I was doing it. This new one was a game changer for me! I have never wavered again after I wrote down this epiphany and realization I had about loa! I'm so excited to share this soon with everyone!

Ask #1:

I'm sorry but I'm not really the right person to go to. I don't know a lot about the void state and haven't tried it yet because I've been manifesting quite well on my own so I felt like I didn't need it. I would suggest that you go to someone like @therealitysculptor because if I remember correctly they do have void posts.

Ask #2:

I've seen you ask someone else for this. Oh I think it's @therealitysculptor

Just searched for it on her blog and I completely agree with her answer so I'll insert that here.

Anytime you manifest, it will always end up materializing anyway so why focus heavily on the 3d? I would recommend doing umbrella affirmations that imply that you have it now both in the 4d and 3d.

"It's done. I already have everything that I want."

"Everything in my life is perfect"

"I always get what I want"

"Everything is always working in my favor"

"It has manifested. I have it now."

Ask #3:

This is another familiar one and I have been seeing other bloggers answer this. I'm sorry but I don't really get the question. Do you want everyone to have a crush on you or just the two SP's? There's no desire that's unrealistic if you believe in it.

Ask #4:

You can listen to a moving to your desired country subliminal to help you along with manifesting that! I recommend reading Neville's Barbados success story!

Here is something I read that might help you!

Replace Barbados with the country you wanna move to so you could understand better.

Ask #5:

Hi! Yes, you can manifest any SP that you like. Reality is malleable and you can change anything about them from bad to good. Just don't focus on things about the SP that you do not like. Change that thing to something good. My boyfriend did not know me before so yes, it's possible to manifest someone who doesn't really notice your existence. About the partner thing, this is only what I've heard from loa coaches. If you want something then it's meant for you but personally I don't really have that experience of manifesting someone who already has a partner so you might have to ask other loa bloggers.

Ask #6:

You have to remember that whatever you think is an affirmation so if you're saying that to yourself then you should stop doing that. You decide which thoughts you give power or attention to. Please stop paying attention or focusing on things that you don't want. That's my number one rule about the 3d. Instead of that, just remind yourself that you have your results and be in the state of the wish fulfilled a.k.a living in the end. I always remind myself that I already have my subliminal results so I listen to subliminals fully relaxed knowing I have my results.

Whenever you think about your results just remind yourself gently, "I have my full results, there's nothing to worry about. It's done." and when you say this, I want you to actually consider it done and relax. Persist and assume that you have your results already regardless if you see it or not. Focusing on the lack is not really good for you. It made me mad, angry and anxious when I kept noticing the lack. So I made a decision that I have my desires. I always say "I have all my desires, it's in my reality. It's done." then I would relax in the knowing that it's done. That was always how I manifested quickly. It's when I left the seed I planted alone and watered (reminded/affirmed/decided) it whenever I think about it.

Don't check for results, that's the tip that I've been told about subliminals. Usually, subliminal makers would say that you need to listen for two months to get full results. You can listen to that or you could hear my advice. I want you to listen to your subliminals and don't think against it. Just listen to them and completely detach. All you need to do is listen to them and let it work/let it do its thing. Listen and let it happen. Forget that you even listened to them. It will help you to forget about that, assume you have results now and not think negatively about it. If you do that, you're just working against yourself. Don't be in the way of yourself getting results. Assume that you have your results now and make sure not to check for the results all the time. It's like you're asking it where the results are and the subliminal just says "I have silky hair"

Checking for results is literally contradicting what the subliminals are saying to your subconscious mind. It's like sabotaging yourself and your results. It's better to relax and just assume you have it now. Think the things that the subliminal would tell your subconscious mind. What I mean is to align your thoughts with the subliminals you're listening to. For example, you're listening to a specific hair subliminal. Instead of checking and still focusing and complaining about how you don't like how your hair looks, don't check and just think thoughts that align with what you actually want which is what your hair subliminal is saying. Focusing on time is not really good as well so stop marking the time and how much you're listening to it. Just keep listening and persisting! If it has worked for me and so many others then it will work on you too!

Ask #7:

First of all, the only one stopping your daydreams from being real is you. Imagination is the real reality. That is what I always heard when it comes to the law of assumption and it's true. The only difference is you're seeing these daydreams as a far-off impossible dream and all you need to do to change that is yes, remember them as the past or a memory! Just tell yourself that it happened and accept it as the truth.

Ask #8:

In the back of mind ik that I can manifest easily or once I want to/start manifesting, it will be easy for me. But I'm ALWAYS worried about failure, what if I fails? I would never be able to trust in abilities again, i would spiral sooo much. I have fear of failure 😔 that's the biggest reason of my procrastination too😭😭

That's because you're giving power and your attention to failure. Whatever you focus on, you will get more of it. Stop focusing on failure because it will give you just more failure. Instead of that, why don't you focus on your success stories? Worrying means you're not in the state of having it. You either have it or you don't. Failure helps us learn when it comes to the law, trust me. I've been having amazing epiphanies when I look at what I'm failing at or what I need to improve on or what I'm doing wrong. It always helped me to brainstorm to find out what is the better thing to do for me. I think you would manifest better with commanding your subconscious mind method which is one of my favorite techniques. You just need to command your subconscious and trust that it will do that for you but you need to relax to do that. That might suit you better. For example: "Subconscious mind I command you to make me have my desired hair." Just say that in your mind and trust that it's gonna get that for you/it's being carried out by your subconscious mind. All you need to do is relax and make yourself busy doing something you love.

I had a fear of failure too but my love for myself and the desire to make me and the people I love happy was bigger than that so I made a decision to stop acknowledging that. Try relaxing and doing what makes you happy in between applying the law of assumption. It will help you relax in the knowing that it's done.

Ask #9:

Hi, I was wondering how can I get started on manifesting and how I can make my crush notice me back with the advice ❤️

Here are helpful links that will help you learn about the basics of the law of assumption! Some of them are videos, one of them is a post! I also included a video about manifesting an SP.

💎 💎 💎 💎 💎

Stick to the basics. All you need to do is to assume that he always looks at you and notices you all the time. Don't focus on the 3d because that is letting the old story stay. Make sure to remember that you're not trying to manifest, you're not manifesting, consider what you want a reality now and remind yourself that it's done.

[balkanradfem]

I get where most of the anons are coming from, your followers know your health and financial situation isn't ideal and want what's best for you and sadly in our current society everything comes down to money, so it's only natural people would want you to have more money even if it's just the smallest increase for a limited time.

But on the other hand, I respect your desire to stick to your principles and not increase the price. Just because society is set up this way doesn't mean we need to play by those rules, if nobody ever did things differently then nothing would ever change.

Being forced to play along with capitalism when I just want to share things with people has definitely taken a toll on my mental health as well, but ultimately only you, the person in this situation, know all the variables that affect this decision and if you think you can afford to not play along with capitalism in this situation then you should go for it.

But I will repeat what some others have said anyway because I do think it's something most of us need to hear more often - don't feel guilty about putting yourself first!

I will also mention though, when it comes to friends and those at least somewhat privy to your financial situation, I think they'd be happy to get chestnuts while also being able to help you a bit more financially especially in a way (in their eyes) that makes you feel less gulity about receiving their money. It reminds me a bit of the anons that occasionally ask if there's some way they can donate money to you.

Despite the capitalist structure we live under, humans have a desire the share and help each other.

Thank you for the nuanced and detailed explanation! Oh I hope I'm not stressing people out with my situation, I'll figure it out, I only mention it when it's relevant to the topic, I'm not complaining.

It's soothing to know my principles and ideals did get trough and people understand what I'm about! If a lot of people did things the way I do, we would all have cheaper food, more emphasis on human life and forming connections, and less concern about money, as it would not be the primary object that everyone's after. I understand that failing to play the capitalism game means you lose by default, but I've quit that game a while ago, I'm playing my own thing.

I feel like you're implying I sell chestnuts to my friends or to people who know about my financial situation - and I have to disappoint here, anon. All my friends get loads of chestnuts for free. When I forage them, I sort them into size categories, and I can usually only sell the largest ones. So about a third of them is un-sellable, and ends up being gifted to various friends and acquaintances. Even if they're not the most huge ones, everyone likes the gift of free chestnuts! I usually eat the smallest ones on my own. But! I keep some of the large ones for a chestnut cake.

I feel a little bad about all the people offering money because it's not polite to reject! But connecting this blog with financial gain would feel extremely wrong. This is what I believe in, my passions and stories and feminism and human rights, and environment, I come here to say what I need to, and see what other lovely women are saying too. It's such a social thing it would feel weird to bring money in!

And I'm also, deeply compelled to try and figure things out on my own. I guess it is a flaw but I can't let go of it.

Thank you for the lovely message, anon, I've enjoyed reading it! I'm going to sleep now, so if I get more messages, they'll wait until tomorrow, and I might not want to spam them all across people's dashes.

[dottoreparadox]

Theory: How did Dottore make his Segments?

To start off this blog, let's get right into one of my favorite living Harbingers.

That's right, it’s essay time, baby. Let’s fathom out how Dottore made his segments.

(Tl;dr included at the end if you only care about the conclusion and not how I reached it and what evidence I have for it because this shit gets looong. Over 3k words long, in fact.)

What we know about Dottore’s segments:

They were created by Dottore. Yes, that seems like a very obvious statement to make, but I do need to establish that these are not things he found but rather an invention of his own making. We’ll get into it later.

We have seen them referred to with the terms “segments” and “prostheses” in canon (also as “surplus” but that’s just Dottore being Dottore). A segment is defined as: “each of the parts into which something is or may be divided” while a prosthesis is: “an artificial body part, such as a leg, a heart, or a breast implant.”

I would like to make a note here that they are not referred to as “clones” despite the widespread usage of this term in reference to them by the fandom. I’ve certainly done it myself. It's important to note that they are not clones. Clones would imply that these are genetic copies of the original and/or organic in nature. This is not the case (I’ll get into the not organic argument in a bit). If they were mere clones, they would be their own person. Instead, these are “the eyes” that Dottore “placed in the dimension of time.”

They ARE Dottore. Not copies of him. Think of them more like time travelers in some kind of stable paradox rather than clones.

Also, they likely share a mind space in some capacity or other based on the overlapping dialogue we saw when Dottore erased his segments and the implications held in this statement:

“What did you see when you were imprisoned [by the Akasha]? You were observing me, and that's how you know I've long grown tired of their doubts and endless arguments. ”

The Omega build was able to speak to and listen to the other segments while he was in Sumeru and they were not present (having just sent the one segment that was helping him back to Snezhnaya).

(I would like to take a second here to clarify that while the many segments may have shared a mindscape of some sort, they were not a hivemind as we’ve previously seen in Genshin. A hivemind, as we saw it in Alhaitham’s story quest and as it is often used in science-fiction, is when multiple individuals all share a single “mind.” The segments all had their own minds. They could not have all been constantly arguing with each other if that was not the case. (Remember how the hivemind made by Siraj fell apart.) So they shared a mindscape where all their minds could touch, while keeping their own mental boundaries.)

Anyways, the shared mindscape is another important bit of evidence in proving they are not mere clones and are instead multiple versions of the same person. (Well... maybe. It could also be taken as evidence that they're all robots running using a single, remote central processor; but I don't have any evidence for this besides the likely shared mindscape; so I won't be exploring that theory further.)

Okay, now that I’ve quibbled excessively over the terminology around Dottore and his segments and brought up a bunch of interesting but kind of irrelevant points, let’s get into the actual purpose of this analysis and theory: how did Dottore make his segments?

The only direct statement we have to go on for answering this question is this line of dialogue:

“Segments are extraordinarily difficult to make. They require extremely rare resources and enormous amounts of time and effort.”

The time and effort seem like they go without saying for any kind of creation at the level of complexity as an entire functioning human being. So we won’t be going into a deep analysis of this part. Instead, let’s focus in on these “rare resources” and what they might be.

To start off, we need to establish what kind of work Dottore does. After all, if his specialty was in organic life, he would likely have made clones rather than what the segments are.

Let’s start with the one hundred percent confirmed work he has done rather than the speculated accomplishments. We have definitely seen Dottore work with:

Ruin Machines (the ruin guard factory we visited in Childe’s story quest, Zandik's legacy note series if that does end up being him)

God remains (Dottore invented Delusions and, at least in Inazuma, the Delusions were made using the Tatarigami energy left behind after Orobashi was killed. He also released the Tatarigami energy in the first place during the Tatarasuna incident. In the manga, he used god remains to suppress Collei’s Eleazar.)

Robots (Krupp in the manga, Scaramouche’s mecha body in game)

The Akasha (I’m not entirely sure how to define this one. God power? Cognition? Software? Maybe all of the above. But he could use it so well that he could edit people’s minds and trap Nahida’s consciousness in the Sanctuary of Suresthana, so let's put it on the list)

Human enhancement (based on the wise doctor’s pinion from the pale flame artifact set and just about every soldier we’ve seen from Snezhnaya. I’ve seen lots of comments along the lines of: “what are they putting in the water over in Snezhnaya to make everyone giant?” Yeah, the answer is Dottore. He’s doing weird shit to people again.)

Human cognition (this one kind of falls under the enhancement section above, but I felt his work with things like manipulating minds and dreams was its own category, see the second event in the Apple Island Archipelago. I can't remember if it was directly stated that Dottore made that machine... but it almost definitely was him.)

And more! (I’m sure we’ll learn about new and more exciting atrocities he’s committed as the game continues. Also I probably forgot something, oops.)

Out of all of that, the best basis for building a body would be his interest in machinery. This assumption is backed up by what we are told in the Pale Flame artifact set:

“"A human is nothing more than a machine of a certain level of complexity." Thus declared the youth from his lectern in the seedbed of wisdom. If one were to disassemble a part of this machine and make enhancements to it, Its performance could be greatly amplified. With or without a Vision, and irrespective of their physique or combat skills, "Enhanced humans" would surely display strength far beyond the average.”

Now, if we also pull on some evidence that is most likely to have been done by Dottore (even if it hasn’t been confirmed that it was him), then we can put stronger emphasis on his interest in Ruin Machines. Dottore is almost definitely Zandik from the Zandik's Legacy series of notes. Zandik was fascinated by the Khaenri’ahn machinery to the point that he was reprimanded for his interest in such dangerous technology. He was ultimately denied permission to bring parts of the Ruin Golems (or other Khaenri'ahn machinery, it's unclear) back to the Akademiya and instead had to help seal them up. (His interest could explain the Fatui’s later knowledge on how to reactivate a Ruin Golem that we used in the Tanit quests. Just a bit of further evidence on Dottore being Zandik.)

Pulling from Zandik’s Legacy again, we know that he wasn’t a member of the Amurta darshan, so I think it is fair to say that his interest here lies in machinery rather than human biology/anatomy. (Though, honestly, the darshans are so weirdly laid out that who even knows where any one topic of study will show up.) I’m not going to speculate here on which Darshan Dottore might have been in (that’s a future post I'm considering making) because I don’t think it matters due to the fact that we’ve seen three (or maybe four depending on how you count it) separate Darshans work with machinery.

Even if we ignore Zandik’s Legacy, we know that Dottore has definitely studied Khaenri’ahn machinery from Childe’s story quest where we visited his old Ruin Guard research lab.

I wish we had a better answer to exactly what he was doing there (was he just studying them? Was he making his own Ruin Guards?), but it is fair to say that he has likely formed a comprehensive picture of Ruin Guards due to the fact that he abandoned the research lab later on. He doesn’t seem like the type to leave a question unanswered, so he most likely figured out whatever interested him about Ruin Guards.

So if he understands how Ruin Machines work, he is capable of repairing broken ones using pieces from other machines (as mentioned in Zandik’s legacy notes),

"...It should be possible to repair this titanic machine's primary weapons system using components salvaged from abandoned mechanisms, but to avoid attracting the attention of the other team members, I have simply made some basic measurements for now."

and is capable of making human machines (Krupp in the manga);

then I think it is very likely that the prosthetic bodies created for his segments were made using Khaenri’ahn technology (or at least took inspiration from them because he found them so ingenious).

This actually might explain why his segments are so human. Ruin Machines specialize in biomimesis. Every single Ruin Machine we have seen so far (except the Perpetual Mechanical Array, but that’s based on the Algorithm of Semi-Intransient Matrix of Overseer Network (never make me write that out ever again, oh my god), so it’s still mimesis even if it’s not biologically based), has mimicked biological life forms including humans.

So the idea of using Khaenri’ahn technology to create a realistic human is not far-fetched. It would need some sort of skin to complete the mimicry, but that honestly seems much easier to create than the entire functioning robot (but I’m no robotics expert. I could be wrong about that) plus we’ve already seen evidence that Snezhnaya has that kind of capability. Just look at Katheryne. She’s some kind of robot but appears fully human. She might have even been a prototype for the segments. (Though she could equally be a creation of Sandrone's. We don't know enough yet to say. It's equally possible she is a collaboration between the two of them or that they both based their humanoid robots on Khaenri'ahn tech. If my theory about Sandrone's identity turns out to be right, this is actually highly likely.)

(A very human looking and acting robot, Katheryne is.)

Using scavenged Khaenri’ahn technology to build the body would also explain the rarity of the parts needed to build a segment better than the segments being made using purely Snezhnayan technology.

Just building any old robot would be easy for Snezhnaya. Based on passing mentions of their nation having things like trains, they are most likely in the midst of some kind of industrial revolution, so we know they can create intricate metal work with complex moving pieces and engines (also like, Katheryne, again). Plus we’ve seen the mass produced clockwork mecha from Fontaine. It’s not unreasonable to assume that, since Snezhnaya seems like it’s more advanced than Fontaine (compare Fatui elemental guns to the Fontaine muskets), they could produce something similar.

Pristine Khaenri’ahn technology, on the other hand, is a rare find and disabling machines that still work in order to get their parts would result in damage, possibly to the very pieces that Dottore would need. Likely, it takes a great number of Ruin Machines to build a single segment and on top of that they might require specific, potentially rare pieces (such as the Eye of the First Field Tiller that we found with Dainsleif, but that's just an example of a rare piece, not something I think Dottore actually needs to build segments) rather than the run-of-the-mill mass produced legions’ pieces. This is speculation though. We really have no idea about the full intricacies of Ruin Machines.

Now, I hope that was convincing enough on it’s own to establish that Dottore most likely used Khaenri’ahn technology or Khaenri’ahn inspired technology to build the bodies of his segments.

Because my closing argument is the model of what is under his mask and that is understandably not a reliable resource as it hasn't been seen in game.

I know the color scheme is off, but it does remind me of a Ruin Guard's eye. And I don't think anyone can deny that it's very mechanical, even if it doesn't look Khaenri'ahn per se. Before you dismiss this evidence entirely, may I remind you of the monster version of Dottore from the storybook.

Beyond the immediate similarities in the images, I would like to direct your attention to the single eye the monster has and the fact that it was wearing a suit to hide its true body. These are weird details to use if they just wanted to establish that he was a monster. The foxes were happy to accept a cat as a fox. Dottore didn’t have to have a fursona. And if he did, he didn’t have to be a strange, bird-like cyclopes. He could have just been a bird.

(Honestly, I just found myself caught on the detail of the single eye and was sort of confused by the decision until I saw that data mine/leak/whatever it is. I thought it was pretty cool attention to detail, even if they weren’t details we knew about yet. And don’t come at me saying Genshin doesn’t pay that kind of attention to detail. They absolutely do. I remember how Venti's Vision didn't glow in the Unreconciled Stars event because it isn't a real Vision.)

I wrote all of that and then reread Scara's 4th char story and it straight up says he got the segment's bodies from studying Scara, who in turn was based on Khaenri'ahn tech. So I guess I'm right, but not for the reasons I thought. OTL.

So if that’s the body of a segment accounted for, what about the aspect of time?

I’ll admit, his work with god remains threw me for a bit of a loop at first. My initial, tentative speculation was that he had somehow found remains of Istaroth, the god of time, and used them to get his different perspectives of time. This mostly came from the fact that Istaroth was the name of the god of moments in Greek mythology and that fit the idea of the segments very well. However, I am pretty sure this is not the case.

For one: we don’t even have definitive proof that Istaroth is dead. Well… maybe. Neuvillette’s story about Visions included this little gem: “all fragments of the primordial were driven to devour each other,” which might be a reference to the four shades, of which Istaroth was one. In that case, Istaroth would be dead, but the state of their remains, pardon my channeling of Cyno for a moment, remains a mystery.

(Get it? Remains? Cause they're remains that remain? I’ll stop now.)

Anyways, we don’t know exactly what “devour each other” might entail, so we can’t say for certain that Istaroth is dead. They might exist in a different form now instead.

For two: we have another, much more reliable, accessible, and established place where Dottore could have gotten different versions of himself from time: Irminsul. It is well established in canon that Irminsul contains the entirety of a person’s memory/data in Teyvat, and we also know that it is possible to visit Irminsul and access the data stored in it.

So the next question becomes: what proof do we have that Dottore used Irminsul? We’re going to go on a little side track about Irminsul really quick to answer this question.

Remember what Nahida said about Irminsul?

"Irminsul's inner region consists exclusively of torrents of information."

This inner region in question was noticeably blue. And as the quote above, plus other comments and observations made during our foray with Scaramouche into Irminsul suggest, all of the data stored in Irminsul takes on that same glowing, blue color.

This quest is not the first time we have seen the color blue in reference to memories obtained from Irminsul. Remember: all ley lines are roots of Irminsul. What blue phenomena do we see in relation to ley lines? Blossoms of Revelation.

They are described in the adventurer’s handbook as follows:

“A flower blossom known as "Revelation" which grows from the Ley Lines in response to someone's desire for battle. Perhaps the treasures within it can help one recall the perils that they have experienced once before… ”

Computer: zoom, enhance.

“Recall.” Blossoms of Revelation tap into the memories stored in the ley lines. We also know that ley line disorders can disgorge past memories from various quests and events. (Such as during the Caribert quest where we literally experienced our twin’s memories after the Abyss Order messed with the ley lines in the area. There were several others in Inazuma from what I remember but I don’t feel like looking up their names rn. It’s like 2:30 in the morning idgf. This is well established fact. Google it yourself.)

Also, it gives you experience books. Experiences are relived via memories. I really don’t think I need to go further into proving what’s up with the Blossoms of Revelation.

Now what does establishing that blue has to do with memories in Irminsul have to do with Dottore? Let’s take another look at Dottore. In fact, let’s look at every segment of Dottore we have seen so far. The versions from the manga and the game are pretty wildly different.

So what’s the one common point? That’s right. Their blue hair! He can have multiple versions of himself because he has blue hair!!!!

I’m kidding. I mean, that is a common point, but the actual important detail here is that earring.

The earring has held my attention for quite a while because it’s such a strange detail. Why does he have a weird glowing blue vial as an earring? Is it just to show that he loves science? I mean, maybe. We can’t rule that out. But I think it might be something more important. It is the one thing that was not changed between cow-mask Dottore and yassified Dottore. And it’s the same shade of glowing blue as Blossoms of Revelation and Irminsul's heart (and fruits and sapling fragments/information packets and-- I think you get the point).

So my theory is this: the earring contains some form of past data extracted from Irminsul. This is the “save file” that the segment is operating from. Or at least part of it. I’m not convinced Dottore put his entire “brain” into an easy target like that. If we look at the segments we saw in Sumeru, we see some other parts of his outfit with that same blue glow. So it’s more likely that this is simply some overflow or a backup or some other function I haven’t thought of. Or maybe he’s just bragging and it really is his memory drive sitting around as an easy target because he doesn’t think anyone is smart enough to realize what it really is. Fuck if I know.

I think it's also worth pointing out that Scaramouche seemed familiar with navigating the inside of Irminsul. Presumably, this means he's been there before on at least one occasion. (anyone remember if this is directly stated in the quest?) This would imply that the Fatui have had business with Irminsul before. So either they're editing time for their own reasons or Dottore made Scaramouche go fetch these copies of him for him.

And before you say that Scaramouche deleting himself from time means that Dottore couldn't make the segments without him, remember that fate is fate and always happens no matter which form it takes. If Scaramouche couldn't get the data for him, then it would happen in another way. The same applies for him getting the Segment's bodies from studying Scaramouche. (Also, I feel like if Dottore knows about Irminsul's ability to edit memories, he probably would have come up with a way to get around it? That seems very much in his wheelhouse. So we can't be sure that he doesn't remember Scaramouche. I have my own theories about the scope of Irminsul and how you might be able to dodge its edits by being in, say, the Abyss or another place outside Teyvat proper. So if Dottore stuck a segment in one of those places... But that's speculating. And wouldn't apply to the Scaramouche deletion anyways as he'd just erased them all.)

To sum it up: I think the Doctor is getting his past versions of himself by extracting copies of his own data from Irminsul somehow. Perhaps he has a way to make Irminsul give him fruits containing his own data from certain points in time. I have no idea how he's doing it. (If someone else has any ideas of how, please let me know.)

Now, before anyone comes at me all: "um actually we also see blue energy like that from Desheret's civilization, explain that." You're right. We do.

Primenergy (name stolen from Alain Guillotine) is indeed another possibility for what the blue light is. If it's Primenergy rather than Irminsul juice, then it's probably the power source that Dottore has decided to use to power the segments instead of azocite. Which I guess makes the earrings something like a backup battery? And leaves us with no clues as to how he's playing around with time. (Still probably Irminsul as it's the only thing we've seen such capability from.) But there you go. Possibility explored. The Segments could be a mix of Khaenri'ahn and Desheret's technology. It's as likely as any of my other ideas. Hell, it might even make more sense than it being condensed Irminsul juice.

I don’t know that we’ll ever actually get an answer to how Dottore built his segments as we don’t know if he’s going to build more or not. And even if he does, we don’t know that the game will go into how he’s done it. It’s not super relevant to the plot. This was just me satisfying my own curiosity and figuring some other people might have had the same question as me.

Tl;dr: Dottore built the bodies of his segments using Khaenri’ahn technology and put his mind in it using saved copies of himself from Irminsul, which are possibly stored in the glowing blue earrings he wears.

So there we have my theory on how Dottore built his segments. Please, feel free to give me your thoughts and possible refutations/further evidence (comments, reblogs, asks, in the tags, however you feel comfortable talking with me is fine). I would love to know what the rest of you think.

As for future areas I’d like to get some answers on, please hoyo, explain what the fuck he was talking about when he said “A long time ago, I made a major decision in hopes of preserving all my perspectives of how I observed the world.” What the fuck was the major decision? It can’t just be making segments. Does this imply that he had to do something to himself to become capable of making segments at all? Did it have to do with accessing his past records in Irminsul? Did he turn his original body into the first segment? Like, probably that last one, as he should be somewhere between five hundred to four hundred years old, but I demand answers!

(Actually, on that topic, I would really like an answer to whether or not there is a "prime" Dottore, as the fandom likes calling him. We don't actually have any clue what's up with his original body. We just know that all the segments except the Omega segment got deleted. So is Omega the last Dottore or is there still an "original" around as well? Or is Omega original Dottore and all the others are earlier versions of him as he never grew past that age?)

[septemberzacademia]

About me

Warnings: TMI (Too much information-- about my life) and Cancer. Not exactly about academics.

Hello everyone, I am September. This is my blog; I made it intending to share my experiences while navigating my way through academics-- it is a difficult field for those candidates who do not have anyone from their family or neighbours in Academia. Basically, a community that can guide them through or can observe and inculcate specific attributes. My entire bachelor's and master's journey has been a series of trial-and-miss method-based navigation. I struggled a lot, ngl.

Adding to this struggle, academics is a lonely line of work, and having no community to rely on makes it even more lonely. This blog--- well, I created it to remind myself that I am doing what I love, reach out to people who are struggling with the same thing as I am, tell them that they are not alone, and maybe create a small community of my own.

Dearest Readers,

I hope you know you are not alone. Academia is sucking the hopes out of us, but hey! At least we are doing this together, haha. 

TMI time, my situation, my lore, my story-- a small part of my story.

Well, as for me I am 25 years old. I finished my master's in Philosophy back in 2022. After my defence, I thought I would take a year off to work on my research, strengthen my CV, and work on my Phd proposal; but the Universe had other plans. My mother was diagnosed with Breast cancer stage 3. My whole world drained down the pipe; all I could think of was how I could make my mother better again, and I moved back home. After an entire year of continuous treatment, she entered her recovery era. Things were going back to normal slowly; after about 2 months (into her recovery era), I moved back to my apartment (in a different city) (I missed being by myself). I started working on my application for Phd and looking for part-time jobs. It took me 3 months of utmost dedication and zero sleep to finish my phd application. I got my application approved and had my interview on 16th April (this year). I shared about my interview and excitement on this blog. But the Universe had other plans for my family and me; my mother's cancer resurrected. And her emergency surgery was on the 16th of April--- crazy, right? I gave my interview in the hospital. But I was not in my right mind. And I did not get selected. 

While working on my applications, I did not share my intentions with my parents. They were already so stressed that adding the burden of my lengthy application process would cause more stress to them. So it was my sister and I who knew everything about this. And I never felt so lonely and weak--- I couldn't put all my baggage on my sister; she was going through the same thing. Navigating her life and seeing everything she has to do and make up for. We'll have to do this again. Please, dear Universe, be kind to us. 

Anyway, as my mother's treatment is halfway done, I have started to slowly work on developing my Phd applications for the 2025 intake. (My sister plans to start after the treatment is done. I am a pile of anxiety. So I have to start already.) 

For now, you will see me uploading posts about studying literature for my major change (I plan to shift to sociology or women's studies), Korean language and Culture, East Asian and South Asian literature, my applications (ofc), etc.

If I am being honest, I am scared. I am afraid that I might have lost a major chunk of my skills during the gap year(s) I took since I did not study. However, I am dedicated to getting better and starting my academic journey. I want to be good at learning and researching, and I also want to be a good professor. 

I guess I am sharing something so personal on this worldwide platform to tell people who are struggling with life, understanding academics, studying, how to, what to, etc., that they are not alone; I am struggling, too. We all have our own pace and ways of approaching the journey or reaching the destination(s). I also want to remind myself that I am capable and talented.

Dear me, 

I will get into a phd program, get the degree, write a beautiful thesis, become a professor, and publish my research on a grand level. I will have a place of my own and create it. I will give back to this society through my research. And I will make my mother and sister proud. This one is for my mother, my sister, and myself.

Dear Readers,

I hope you find hope in this world of darkness and sadness. 

-September

PS: Sorry for the TMI and such a long post.:)