#i mean i was 13 years old my voice was terrible so im sure like

[notahorseindisguise]

mutuals plz tell me a true story that happened to u that sounds like a tumblr fake story!!

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Twin Star Runaways

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  On the run from houses they never called home, Bakugo and Izuku make some unlikely friends and make the worlds least conventional steps towards being heroes. 

They'll be amazing.

Bakugo and izuku were a little closer than in canon

when izuku's quirk didnt come in bakugo didnt jump straight to being mean and izuku didnt develop like, most of his issues because his best friend didnt abandon him

but everyone turned against the "quirkless weirdo" and when bakugo didnt leave him? they turned on him too

bakugo was a "villain in the making" or was crazy, scary, or "the weirdo's rabid dog" and he tries to play it off, like it doesnt bother him, but izuku gets angry, not that people are talking shit about him, but that they are coming after bakugo just for being a good person

not getting into canon, but in this au mitsuki is really abusive. inko is absent/neglectful because shes upset her husband divorced her and works nights as a nurse

so, the start of junior high, aged 11 and 12, izuku and katsuki run away because honestly anything is better than what they've been living though

as pretty cute kids they get pity food but they look so young no one will employ them

then they meet Touya, who for the sake of this AU is 17 at the time

so dabi runs into these 2 kids that look the same age as his little brother, one of which tried to blow him up within 20 secs of meeting him and the other was hiding behind a dumpster

and hes just like,,, "shit i cant believe i have 2 little brothers now"

that is cemented when he finds out izuku, hiding behind the dumpster? ya boy had a knife and was katsuki's backup

so dabi shows up where he knows these kids hide, he brings them food bc they are getting really thin, brings a new coat for katsuki bc he didnt have anything, teaches izuku how to use his knife better and sharpens it for him

he tells them about stain about corrupt heroes, and about his dad and katsuki and izuku latch onto this

katsuki's mum wished his quirk was "less violent" and that hed never be a hero because he was too scary and izuku's dad threw him away the second he realized his kid was Quirkless

and so izuku and katsuki decide they want to meet stain

dabi gives them some change and his email so they can contact him if they ever need to, and they set out for hosu (why is stain in hosu even tho it doesnt follow canon timelines? because i like hosu and i like tensei)

so in this au, stain skipped forward a bit, attacking hosu in some of his first rounds of hero purging

izuku and katsuki catch wind of a "cover up" by iidaten but izuku quickly realizes it was faked by another hero agency to try and get iidaten’s funding cut

and then they get a terrible feeling because thats the kinda thing that would cause stain to go after a hero so they end up running across hosu every night, taking turns to try and cover tensei as they look for stain

izuku and katsuki find stain over tensei, about to deliver the final blow and katsuki freezes because, stain is really scary and he has a bad vibe around him that almost made endeavour puke

but izuku throws himself inbetween tensei and stain

and stain is a little annoyed, but mostly impressed this scrawny kid is trying to stand up to him but then izuku tells him the scandal was faked and lays out every detail while hes pouring with tears because "ingenium is a good hero chizome"

and stain is like

wAIT WHY DOES A 10 YEAR OLD KNOW MY NAMe

(the answer? Dot connecting, the UA sports festival, and Steinhal. our boy is a smart cookie!)

at this point katsuki snaps out of his fear and tells stain he'll set off the loudest explosion he can manage if he doesnt step away from "one of the real heroes" and stain is honestly? pretty shook

so he does

and he just kinda, vanishes into the night

and izuku and katsuki swear because thats the guy they have been looking for for 2 weeks and they are out of food money and they just wanna get back to mutsutafu already so they start running after him

by the end they are freezing, 1AM and izuku is honestly worried about katsuki bc he gets cold easier because his quirk makes him sweaty even when he isnt hot and stain just takes pity on these kids and just kinda asks them is they have anywhere to go

izuku starts sobbing again because thats the kinda person he is, and katsuki tries to tell stain to go fuck himself but his teeth are chattering so hard he almost bites his tongue

stain just kinda sighs because god these kids remind him of Touya

and he laughs as izuku deadlifts a complaining katsuki and asks stain where hes gonna take them

also please: a subplot in this is tensei trying to work out who the kids that saved his life were

and he finds hospital records of katsuki and izuku for various brusies and broken bones

and sees that they havent been at school for 3 months, but also sees that no missing reports have been filed

and hes really upset because these kids are his little brothers age

anyway, after stain saves them from freezing they tell him ab how they cant be heroes but they wanted to be like him

and stain tells them they would make great heroes anyway and they cry

(at this point the AU changed from what was going to be a villain duo au into a vigilante au because its Soft AU Hours)

so, when they get back to mustutafu they meet up w dabi who says he has a present for izuku

(dabi said he join the leauge if afo gave izuku a quirk, and afo is interested to see how this goes so he said yes)

he would have joined the league anyway but he wanted to do his honorary little bro a solid if he could

afo was read to give izuku a kinda meh quirk honestly because the kid was going to want to be a hero and thats just bad business sense

then he finds out stain is fond of them and he pauses bc, thats pretty odd

then izuku walks in, is greeted by kurogiri and he bows to him bc hes a polite kid and afo is starting to like this child

izuku then tells shigiraki that he likes his shoes and shigiraki looks pleased with himself

so afo turns on the monitor and says hello and izuku pauses for a second and says

"sensei right? are you hurt? Why else would the video be off… oh sorry! I ramble when im nervous"

and afo just kinda,, "oh lord this child is sharp" so he chats with izuku a while and hears about how kids hurt him for being qurikless and afo kinda relates because people tried to murder him for having a quirk in the first place (i then ran through like 30 quirk ideas trying to work out the one I wanted to give him oops)

all for one gifts him the quirk guardian: can create hard light barriers. the more ambient light at the time of creation, the stronger the construct

he has the quirks perfect counter anyway, blackout: remove all light in a area, so hes not worried.

“where’d u get that quirk izuku”

“….enstranged uncle”

he works with katsuki to create barriers at the moment katsuki lets out explosions to maximise the strength

they start working as vigilanties

these lil baby 12 year olds and dabi is a big concered bro so he gets them some platform boots to make them look taller and masks to hide their voices

they wear big baggy hoodies bc they take them impacts and hide how thin they are

because they work at night they see aizawa a lot and aizawa is kinda confused because they have some pretty legit looking gear (big bro touya) so hes not sure if they are new heroes or not

izuku like, maybe stalked aizawa a little and found out hes a teacher at UA and izuku is so impressed and starstuck over this underground hero

katsuki is just grumbling because hes really impressed too but emotions are lame

izuku gets really hurt and katsuki knows this bitch is in trouble but he doesnt know what to do

katsuki asks eraserhead for help n aizawa is like "what going on??? are you a villain?" and katsuki rips off his mask, and is visible a super underweight 13 year old and aizawa just kinda feels his heart sink

and katsuki is trying not to cry and hes begging aizawa for help and aizawa is like "ahhhh fuuck I have 2 sons now"

vigilantes izuku and katsuki becoming wards of UA bc aizawa found them and has a deep seated hatred of the foster system

and the teachers just kinda accidentally adopt them

they take the ua entrance exam and manage to tie for first place, bakugo is all villain points and izuku got 50/50 rescue/villain points

and they have their letters playing at the same time as they hide in an alley way and the both start crying

because they really can be heroes

[justcallmenikki7]

BTS Reaction To: You Leaving

Summary: the ending result of what happened after you left. The boys come back to you, do you stay? Or do you leave?

Warnings: cheating, angst, language, slight suggestiveness in Yoongi’s part, and fluffiness.

Note: I’m going to work on the Maknae’s part this weekend and hopefully have it up this weekend or sometime next week. Also, I know Hoseok’s part is short but i had it planned to be like that for a reason. I also apologize in advance to the length of this.

Hyung Line (Part Two)

Jin:

It’s been a week since you’ve last seen Jin. A week may not seem like a lot, but from all of the crying and lonesome days, it’s felt like years.

He has tried contacting you, leaving you voice mails after voice mails along with texts and any other way he could contact you. And you’ve ignored them all, not wanting to face him and hear the excuses that he’s going to give.

How could you? He made you feel like shit and worthless and selfish.

So, that’s why you began job searching. Anything will due so you don’t have to sit at your apartment all day doing nothing.

Right now, you’re sat in a booth at your local coffee shop, newspapers and your laptop open, looking for any kind of job that pays well and is in your interests.

You were so focused on reading the local paper to not notice Jin walking up to you. He took a look at what you were doing and his broke at what you looking at, or for. It made him feel more shitty and disappointed in himself. Clearing his throat, loud enough for you to hear, he made himself present.

You looked up and you felt your heartbeat pick up, your palms become sweaty, and the want to cry. You both stared at each other for a good minute, taking each other in.

You both could tell that the other has slept good and haven’t been eating much because of how pale your skin was and how heavy the bags were underneath both your eyes.

Being the first one to look away, you cleared your throat before speaking. “What do you want? Yell at me more and make me feel like shit again? Cause if you are, I don’t have time for it.” Your voice came out cold.

Jin didn’t blame you for saying that, he knew that you weren’t going to welcome him back with opened arms. “Can we talk?” He asked, “Please?” His voice came out shakier and quieter.

Sighing, you nodded your head after pondering on the question for minute. A sigh of relief came from Jin before he sat down, causing your heart to skip from how eager he was to talk to you.

You’re not going to lie, you did miss him. You missed his hugs, his warm body, his smiles, his puns, you missed everything about him in this last week of not being with him. But that doesn’t give him the right to say those things and for you to forgive him easily, and you’re going to make that known.

You didn’t look up from the paper, giving Jin the silent treatment.

Im not the one who’s supposed to apologize, it’s him, you thought to yourself.

“I’m sorry.” Jin started out, “I’m a fucking idiot and I deserve every hateful thing that you have to say to me. I should have never, ever, said those things to you. There’s no excuse to what I had said. I hate myself for being so cold and hateful to you. You’re not ungrateful, you don’t burden me, you don’t need a damn job to make something out of your life. I love paying for you. I love knowing that I take care of you by buying you clothes, paying for your clothes, food, movies, books, makeup, onesies...” He trailed off, smiling to himself at the things he’s bought you in the past. “I’m just so fucking sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry and I dont expect you to forgive me or want to be with me anymore, I just want you to know that I love you and that you’re not a burden, ungrateful, or lazy, and that you don’t need a job to make something out of my life. And I’m sorry for not being there for you for the last few months. You’re right, I do need to make more time for you and I will. You shouldnt have to beg for me to make time for you, for us.” He finished, his glassy eyes staring into yours.

You were quiet for a moment, wanting to take in his words.

“I’m mad,” you started, “and you did hurt me.” You pointed out. “And I still love you too, but that doesn’t mean Im just going to let this slide, Jin. You hurt me and made me feel really shitty about myself. You made me feel like I’m just a chore and something you have to worry about.” You said, expressing how you felt. You could tell that it bothered Jin by how he frowned deeply and fisted his sleeves. “But I accept your apology and it’s going to take you a bit to get my forgiveness back.”

Jin modded his head quickly, making him look like a bobble head in your opinion. “Of course, yes, anything. I won’t let you down, I promise.” Grabbing your hands in his, he squeezed them tightly, bringing them up to his lips and kissing them.

“Anything?” You asked, a small smirk playing on your lips.

A groan left his lips, realizing what he got himself into. “Oh shit.”

You began laughing, which only caused Jin to laugh. It felt like a weight had been lifted off both of your shoulders, knowing that you two made up and had each other again.

Yoongi:

13 days.

Thirteen days since you’ve last seen Yoongi and heard from him.

You were hollowed up in your old bedroom of your parents house, thankful that they were spending time at your grandparents house so they didn’t have to worry about you. You haven’t left the house since the night you left Yoongi’s apartment. And you haven’t even tried contacting him or answering the texts and calls the boys have been leaving you.

You weren’t surprised that Yoongi hasn’t even contacted you yet because of his stubborn attitude, but it did hurt knowing that he hasn’t tried to at least. It made you think that he was done with you and this is his way of showing it.

Laying in your bed, you stared at your poster covered wall, thinking about Yoongi. You thought about his well-being, his cold but can be warm hands, his scent, his sarcasm, his voice, his cuddles, his compliments and his suggestive comments, his everything.

But you also thought about if his words were true. If you really were annoying, if you really did bother him so much with your worries of his health.

Did I really bother him that much? To where he finally expressed how he felt?

Tears began streaming down your face at the thought of your assumptions being right. You always were insecure about worrying and feeling like you ask to many questions, even talking too much. And you’ve expressed those thoughts and feelings to Yoongi and he always reassured you that you didn’t. Now, you don’t know if he actually meant it.

A loud knock coming from your front door made you jump in your bed from the sudden loudness. Another knock came again along with the dinging of your door bell being rung annoyingly.

Getting up and walking to the living room, you irritatedly unlocked the door and swung it open, only to be met with Jin and Hoseok... and Yoongi.

“You two need to get whatever the fuck’s going on cleared up. Stop being childish and talk this shit out, I don’t give a fuck, just make the fuck up.” Jin commanded, shoving Yoongi into your house. Yoongi let out a growl and a ‘don’t fucking touch me.’

“You both love each other and this has to stop.” Hoseok stated, being more nicer and calmer than Jin.

And with that, the two left, closing the door behind them to only leave you and Yoongi standing awkwardly, mainly you, in the door way. You could feel the intense gaze of Yoongi’s stare on you.

Turning on your heel, you began walking back to your bedroom.

“So you’re just going to walk away like you did last time?” Yoongi’s deep gravely voice drip with sarcasm, a scoff following at the end.

Pausing in your step, you could feel anger and sadness take over your emotions. “I wasn’t the first one to walk away, you were.” You defended yourself, turning around to look at him, getting a good look at what he he looked like.

He was looking just as bad as you, maybe even worse. His natural pale skin looked paler than usual. His hair looking slightly oily and his eyes having heavy, unhealthy looking bags underneath them.

“Yeah, but i didn’t leave.”

“What did you expect me to do, Yoongi? Ignore what you said and act like everything was normal the next day? Like you didn’t throw my insecurities and concerns at me as if I was some dirt on your shoes? As if I was some kind of little buzzing noise in your ear? You made me feel like a fool by what you said. I’m so sorry that I care about your wellbeing, your health, how you’re feeling and doing, how your days going and that you’re getting plenty of food and water and sleep. I’m sorry that I’m bitching about your health. It seemed like you were perfectly fine and that you didn’t need me, so I did you a favor and left, like you were probably hoping. So, if you’re here to rant about my bitching, then do me a favor and walk out that door and never come back.” You were breathing heavily when you finished, shocked that said all of that.

“But I’m not fine.” Yoongi admitted quietly, too quiet for you to hear correctly.

“What?” You asked confused.

“I’m not fucking fine, Ive been fucking terrible ever since I realized that you left that night. I woke up selfishly thinking that you’ll be there like you usually are with that fucking perfect smile of yours, but you weren’t. So yeah, I just assumed that you went to stay at your friends. It took me until noon to realize that you haven’t texted me asking if I ate. When I got home, I realized that you were gone and I never felt more lost in my life.” Yoongi admittedly, scoffing at himself. “And you’re not annoying, you dont constantly bitch, you’re not a pest or a ‘buzzing noise in my ear.’ You’re caring, you’re loving, you’re a selfless person who I took for granted and hurt by throwing what you trusted me with most. You always call and make sure that I’ve eaten, drank enough water and that I’m not over working myself and taking enough breaks. You always bring me clothes and food in the early parts of the morning even when you’re tired, but you care more about my health than yours. And I’m so fucking sorry and I want you to know that I love you and that you mean more to me than you can imagine. I know my words and actions from that night obviously didn’t show it, but I want you to know that I do. I fucking do and I’ll do anything to show you and prove that.” He was now in front of you, his warm breath fanning your face. “But please, don’t ever leave me like that again. Please.” He pleaded, looking like a lost puppy.

You felt your tears streaming down your face. You know it’s hard for Yoongi to express his emotions, especially when it came to apologizing. So, having him say all of that made you forgive him right away. Will there be some healing after this? Yes, but that can wait.

“You’re right on the asshole part.” You teased, a small smile spreading its way across your face while your hands gripped his black hoodie.

A small smirk appeared on his face, “that’s all I get? You calling me a name?” His arms wrapping around your waist in a tight grip.

“Well you did admit to it, so I’m just agreeing to it.” Your noses rubbed against each other in an Eskimo kiss.

“Well this asshole is going to makeup for the time that he hasn’t spent with you and show you how much he loves you.” Yoongi stated.

“I think I’ll like that.”

And with that, Yoongi did show you how much he loved you that night and kept his word on proving to you how much you meant to him.

Hoseok:

“I cheated on you.”

You never imagined Hoseok ever saying those words to you. Or even admitting to them.

Shakily, “with who?” You asked, praying to God that it wasn’t with who you thought it was.

“Seo-yun.” He answered, disappointment and regret in his face.

And your prays were ignored. You had to clutch your stomach to prevent from throwing up. The images that popped into your head of the two of them made you feel even more sick.

“Was it worth it?” You asked, wanting to know the answer. “What do I not have that she does?” Hoseok looked shock from your questions. He didn’t answer, fueling your anger even more. You laughed at his quiet state, wiping away the tears of anger, vengeance, sadness, and mainly humiliation. “Want to know what’s funny, Jung Hoseok? That I didn’t trust her intentions, but in all reality I shouldn’t have trusted you and your intentions. You’re a fucking asshole and I hope, God I fucking hope, that Karma bites you right in the ass because you fucking deserve it. And I pray to God that whoever he next girl is breaks your heart like you broke mine. Now get the fuck out of my face and never come back.”

And he did, and when he did, you let yourself breakdown. And from that day on, you were never your old self. You used to be happy, loving, forgiving, and warm-hearted. Now, you became someone that is hateful, cold, unforgiving, and heartless.

All because of one boy. A boy who use to light up your world like a candle with his self. But he was the same boy who blew out your candle.

And his name is Jung Hoseok.

Namjoon:

It has been three months since you’ve last seen or heard from Namjoon. And in those three months you’ve been miserable and doing everything that you could to keep yourself busy so you didn’t think of him.

The boys occasionally check up on you to see how you were doing and if everything was alright. They made sure to not mention Namjoon or say anything that related to him, which you were grateful for.

Jungkook told you how they were finally coming home from the U.S., telling you how he got you several souvenirs.

You were worried that you were going to run into Namjoon soon since he’s now home. You still worked at the local coffee shop, which also happens to be Namjoon’s favorite coffee shop. And which happens to be where you two first met.

It was a cloudy and cold Tuesday afternoon, which made time seem to go by slowly. No one was out wandering the streets like usual due to the cold weather, which resulted in lack of customers and orders to keep you busy.

You sat on the stool that was behind the counter, doodling on a notepad too keep yourself entertained. The sound of the chimes on the door ringing had you looking up, only to regret in doing so.

There stood the person who you’ve been mourning over for three months. The person who told you that he didn’t want you anymore. The person that you’re still hopelessly in love even though he broke your heart.

When you two made eye contact it seemed as if time stood still. That everything around you paused and that you two were the only people in that room.

You both took a minute to take each other in slowly.

Namjoon looked exhausted. You saw how he had bags evident underneath his eyes. His face looked a bit oily and how his hair wasn’t it’s usual styled self - it’s more messy and unkept which isn’t like him. And he looked more skinny.

You saw how his lips formed into a smile when he saw your usual meme button on your apron that you always have on. His smile made you blush like usual, but you could see how it didn’t reach his eyes like it always did.

“Hi.” He greeted.

You wanted to cry when you heard his voice, you didn’t realize how much you’ve missed it.

“Hi, what would you like to order?” Your words tripping over each other.

“I’ll take a regular iced coffee, medium please.” Namjoon ordered, pulling out his wallet in the process.

“$3.29, please.” He handed you a $5 bill, which you put into the register and began getting his change.

“Keep the change.” Namjoon said, leaving you no room to protest.

Nodding your head, you shut the cash register before turning around to make his coffee. You could feel his burning stare into your back, making you nervous and unfocused. Only messing up once on his order, you eventually got it done.

“I lied.” Namjoon stated as you went to hand him his order.

“What?” You asked confusedly, giving him an equal confused look.

“I did want an us. I still do want an us.” He confessed, taking the coffee out of your hands to only set aside.

“Namjoon-“

“No, listen to me. I was a fucking dumbass, okay? I only said that because I knew how much I was hurting you by not always being home and with you. So, I went with this dumb idea that if I broke up with you then you wouldn’t be hurting anymore. I thought you would be happier if we weren’t together anymore since I was never around. I was wrong and I only hurt both of us. I regret doing breaking up with you, I do want an us. I always have ever since I’ve met you in this coffee shop two years ago.” Namjoon explained, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want you back. I want us back.”

You don’t know how to feel, you honestly feel like this is a dream. You do want him back, you still love him with all of your heart. Not being able to form any words, you grabbed him by his jacket collar and pulled him down so that both of your lips would meet.

Namjoon automatically responded to the kiss, his hands cupping your face and his tongue finding its way into your mouth with ease.

You couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, missing him and his kisses too much. But you also felt happier and completed, finally having Namjoon back. The one person who truly knew how to make you feel happy.

Pulling away, the two of you pressed your foreheads together, smiling like fools. “I’m taking that as a yes?” He asked. Nodding your head giddily, “Yes. But that doesn’t mean that we have a lot to talk about, mister.”

[weirdlizard26]

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

 96. desktop background?

 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

 98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

[chimcharstar]

1 THROUGH 55 AND 1 THROUGH 30 GO GO GO

LETS FUCKIN GO

tumblr please actually make this a keep reading

55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

I ALREADY WATCH NETFLIX AND AGONIZE OVER MY STORY

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned?

MY JACKETS. ANY CHEST OBSCURING, BROAD SHOULDERED, COZY JACKET

3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue?

DANCING, ID NEED TO GO TO CLASSES OR SOMETHING

4. What would your perfect room look like?

IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH MY ROOM BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED A LAVA LAMP, AND 1800 MORE PLANTS COULDNT HURT

5. Do you play sports?

NO

6. What fiction place would you love to go to?

SINNOH REGION

7. What Job would you be terrible at?

DEBT COLLECTION. I WOULD BE GIVING SHIT TO PEOPLE FOR FREE. I COULDNT BEAR BEING ENCOURAGED TO FORCE PEOPLE WHO CANT PAY FOR SOMETHING TO PAY MORE

8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?

SERVING. HOW MANY PLATES CAN YOU CARRY AT ONCE

9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?

WALKING IN MY SPACE BUBBLE WHEN MY SENSES ARE OVERLOADED

10. What skill would you like to master?

A SECOND LANGUAGE

11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

THE ONE FROM MY DREAM WHERE I KISSED A GIRL DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND WE ELOPED TO BRAZIL TO RAISE SHEEP

12. What’s your favorite drink ?

THAT CHRISTMAS SHIT. PEPPERMINT MOCHA AT STARBUCKS. A FRIEND GOT IT FOR ME ONCE. NOW I ORDER IT A BILLION TIMES.

13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?

I HAVE NOT TRAVELLED MUCH EVER

14. What songs do you have completely memorized?

I DONT REMEMBER LYRICS SO MUCH, BUT I COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW MANY SONGS GO COMPLETELY

15. Are you usually early or late?

LATE. IM GETTING BETTER THOUGH

16. What takes up too much of your time?

GETTING OUT OF BED

17. What do you wish you knew more about?

SWORDS

18. What are some small things that make your day better?

COFFEE. SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING NICE TO ME.

19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

QUEER EYE BUT BY TRANS PEOPLE FOR TRANS PEOPLE

20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished?

YOU. AND ME. ITS GROWTH

21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?

21, SO I HAVE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON

22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

13 REASONS, THE BOOK WAS TRIGGERING SO I WONT RISK IT

23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend?

TAKING A WALK, HAVING COFFEE, WATERING PLANTS… IM HAPPY

24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury?

I HAVE PERFUME...

25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?

TO YOUNG TO NEVER DRINK. TOO OLD FOR POKEMON

26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie?

I DONT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR EITHER BUT I SEEM TO LIKE URBAN FANTASY A LOT

27. How often do you people watch?

I THINK IM SO POLITE BUT HONESTLY, I QUIETLY SCRUTINIZE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN EVERY DAY AND GUESS AT THEIR PERSONAL HABITS AND SELF IMAGE.

28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?

MY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS SEASON RULES BABY

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?

I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING PPL HAVENT HEARD OF BUT IM INTERESTED IN BLACK HOLES

30. Do you relax after a hard day?

FOOD. NETFLIX. DECOMPOSING ON TUMBLR

31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?

I HAVENT READ A BOOK I REALLY LOVE IN AGES. HARRY POTTER AND ARTEMIS FOWL WERE MY FAVOURITES GROWING UP, BUT CORNELIA FUNKES BOOKS SLAPPED AND HIS DARK MATERIALS WAS GORGEOUS

32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?

IDAHO?

33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen?

LUCIFER WAS LIKE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING MIDDLE NAME JANE AND KNOWS THAT EVERY MURDER BREAKS YOUR HEART AND YOU SIMPLY DESERVE BETTER SO NO MORE MOMENTS WHILE THEYRE HAVING A MOMENT AND CHLOE IS WATCHING THIS FUCKING IDIOT AND IVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE SO I KNOW SHES GONNA KISS HIM AND THEN THEY KISS

34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?

ANY SMALL TALK QUESTIONS

35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?

YES. ID MAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP. SKILLS

36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

GIVE ME A HUG AND SOME CHOCOLATE

37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?

HANG GLIDING

38. Dream car?

SOMETHING I DONT HAVE TO WORRY WILL FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY MOMENT

39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?

STRAIGHT LOVE SONGS

40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now?

HAVING A CAT

41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it?

DECORATING THE DOLLHOUSE I RESCUED FROM THE BATHROOM

42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?

IM NOT VERY FAR THROUGH THE WEEK AND I HAVENT ENJOYED MOST OF IT BUT PEOPLE SAYING ADORABLE THINGS

43. How different was your life one year ago?

NOT A LOT DIFFERENT, IM JUST LONELY IN THE CITY NOW, MINUS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ONE YEAR ON T

44. What/who would you rate 10/10?

MY CACTUS JAKEN. I DROPPED HIM SO MANY TIMES AN ENTIRE HALF OF HIS SPIKES ARE FLAT SCARS. AND LOOK AT HIM. THRIVING

45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?

GENUINELY MADE ART

46. What do you hope never changes?

MY T PRESCRIPTION

47. What movie title best describes your life?

I LOOKED THROUGH NETFLIX AND I PICK TWILIGHT

48. What website do you visit most often?

TUMBLR

49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?

MY BIRTHDAY

50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?

FINDING A REASON TO CANCEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING

51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

WALKING BY SOME RUNNING WATER

52. What age would you like to live to?

80. THATS MY MENTAL HEALTH ANSWER

53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?

SOMETHING CREATIVE WOULD BE AWESOME

54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?

CRIMES

55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?

A CAT

Lgbt+ ask game

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

I’m even a little shaken by a questioning state right now but for a while I’ve felt the best fit is the androgynous label -- I read a description of it being the purple on a pink to blue scale, both at once but not specifically either one, and something else by itself. I’m also happy with a cryptic masculine grey area. My pronouns are he/him.

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

During the Puberty 1.0 nightmare, I was basically living someone else’s life, and any attraction I felt wasn’t in relation to myself. I felt disconnected from my body and gender and everything too, and I felt a lot of social pressure to experience a certain type of attraction, fit into a certain role, et cetera, and none of these feelings existed in me at all, so I used to identify as ace. When I realized I was trans, I was too caught up in the, transition safely, my life is a lie, stopping dysphoria drama to focus on this, but I had an idea I might be a gay guy judging from my gay creative writing until I caught feelings for a girl and realized this wasn’t the first time that had happened. Some bi positivity and nonbinary rage later, I am reminded that gender is a joke.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Yes of course A LOT. Starting with my parents, who do it aggressively and maliciously. And plenty from strangers and customers, mostly after hearing my voice pre-transition. It used to hurt terribly because I was dealing with so much other stuff at the time, and one little thing could be the last straw, so I used to react strongly and harshly, to people you express yourself to anyway. On T, I’ve been so much more chill and confident, and it’s less painful to accept that some people just don’t know any better, although that doesn’t change its effect.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

I don’t remember, I think it was a high school friend. I vaguely remember texting someone in a bathroom during a crying session at work. My high school friends were all warm and supportive.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

It was scary as hell. I’m sure coming out (with your gender specifically) is scary by nature because it’s a huge truth to be telling that can really change how the people you love perceive you, for better or for worse, but for me, I’m also thinking with the dread and certainty that my family would be too conservative and potentially dangerous. Coming out to my family was one of the worst, most painful things I’ve ever been through -- being kicked out and laughed at, a lot of drama, confrontations, Bible readings and being ganged up on at odd hours, trying to comfort my mom who took it as her personal failure -- I was shaking with adrenaline 24/7. I think of the “I’ll suffer through anything as long as it has meaning” comment that was about angsty fanfics, but knowing the truth about myself was a source of unshakable strength and it felt refreshing and even triumphant to say, like I was giving myself permission to exist for the first time. I came out a bunch of times, though...

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

My family reacted mostly badly, my sister is a little confused but has the spirit, and my friends have been wonderful.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

It’s more of a gender thing, but I hate it when people imply that I shouldn’t be on T or are subtly trying to talk me out of it with their questions. After all the disrespectful as fuck bullshit I heard from my parents, I’m tired of this.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Zombie apocalypse denim? Gay Layers

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I’m not really emotionally invested in these “ships” you cool kids are talking about. I like canon, age-appropriate ones.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I’ve never really worn makeup. I brazenly never bothered to growing up, and if it had an effect on me socially, I was too tuned out to care. My sister always wanted to do my hair and makeup, but I wasn’t interested and wouldn’t let her, much to her frustration. I wore some for a musical once though, and I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt what I know now is dysphoria and ended up using the lipstick to draw. Another aspect to this is my family forbade it (or my dad made the decision for everyone), not that it made my sister feel less pressured to wear it, so maybe it was some female presentation I could easily get out of. For that reason, I don’t have super strong feelings about it. Not understanding it probably resulted in me feeling left out a lot among my peers.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

Yes. Before my realization, it was a numb horror I wasn’t consciously aware of, ruining nice things growing up to the point where I feel like I missed out on being a teenager. I remember it as feeling nauseous while sitting in a corner, feeling like none of my clothes ever fit for some mysterious reason. Living with my family in the closet, it defined my life, and I was obsessed with my presentation. These days, it does not bother me on that level at all, except a minor freakout now and then if I get really wild and wear feminine clothes. Or I still feel it in more subtle ways, when I default to customer service voice, or when guys my age are twice my height and I look aaaall the way up at them and wonder what gender they see me as.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Trust me, I have heard truck loads of dumb shit and the winner is the Gay Agenda is R****a’s propaganda to weaken the integrity of North America. Considering what is happening over there, it was enragingly stupid.

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

I feel like I can be myself around lgbt+ people. I don’t feel like I have to hide stuff or put on a show, and I’m not afraid because it’s familiar territory.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

Aside from obvious problems like TERFs, ace discourse. Ace people are part of the community if they want to be and that’s enough on that, my skin is already breaking out.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

I finally went to a Pride event this year! I was surprised it was the first one I’d been to, then remembered my parents discouraged me from going anywhere, never mind to a gay where.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I can’t think of many people right now, but Leslie Feinberg seems awesome, and some quotes from Stone Butch Blues are very validating.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

No. Technically I have been in one, but it was shitty and ridiculous, and basically platonic, and I don’t want it to count.

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

I barely read… I read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe in high school and it was honestly so precious.

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

Yes. I got kicked out (but then kicked back in again), had my stuff stolen and damaged, was verbally harassed… and I was indirectly fired by an employer, but We Will Never Know Why...

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

Queer Eye! I don’t know of many though, and some important ones, I just haven’t watched.

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

My mutuals :D

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I’m okay calling myself queer.

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but I did see some drag performances at the one (1) Pride event I went to, and they were jaw-dropping.

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

I’m not sure what this question means, but I decide what fits right by what makes me feel the most alive and emotionally real and in the moment. What makes me feel the most attractive to be honest. There’s a post about dysphoria I saw going around, the things on it are basically what I use to figure things out.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I am actually! Not anytime soon, but I’m the responsible type for sure, and judging by the way I love growing plants and being around animals, I’m probably a nurturing person. I actually like kids too, lol, they’re just so high-energy.

What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You’re a boy. Go!

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I think people are going to have different ways of expressing themselves that make them happy, but… I don’t think they should infringe on basic human decency. When I hear “role” I think of acting a certain way because someone told you to, something I want to disagree with on the spot.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

People move out of my way on the sidewalk and take me seriously now. Privilege or self-confidence… I never want to forget what it used to be like, or get too entitled.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

That it’s simply living one’s reality. I think that trips up a lot of straight people -- that some people just come like this, and they don’t have to make it fit into their personal identity.

Why are proud to be lgbt+?

Because I worked hard to be alive and happy right now. I’m proud of choosing to get through those rough patches, take care of myself, heal, take walks, cook breakfast, learn healthy coping mechanisms, that was out of love for myself and a defiant conviction that I have a place in this world.

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, chapters 6-13 [the rest of Epilogue 2]

I’m told that there are 40 chapters, and a postscript, in Candy - and also that it’s split into 8 individual ‘epilogues’ within that, of varying length. ‘Epilogue 2′ began with chapter 4, featuring Rose and Kanaya. So I kind of cut it off in exactly the wrong place. Oops!

Anyway I’m going to split these up by Epilogue section from now on. This one covers the rest of Epilogue 2, which mostly concerns shipping, and processing of feelings.

Here are the irons in the fire at the outset of chapter 6:

Gamzee is back! he claims to be setting out on a ‘redemption arc’

Terezi is in space somewhere looking for Vriska, but set to return at some point, and not all that happy that Gamzee’s back

Dirk has perceived some bad news. And briefly spoken about it with Jane, though without explaining anything.

But that’s all Epilogue 1 stuff - old hat!

Rose has suddenly recovered from her illness, and is patching things up with Kanaya

Jade has attempted to push Dave and Karkat to admit they’re into each other, but really just made things worse

Jane attempted to run for President of Earth C - to the trepidation of the Karkat, who hyperbolically suggested this would amount to troll genocide - but abandoned the idea

That’s all interesting but let’s talk about money! This is something I didn’t pick up on in the last post:

KARKAT: OK, SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOUR PRIORITIES ARE: NUMBER ONE, THE ECONOMY, WHICH LET ME REMIND YOU IS BUILT ENTIRELY ON INFINITE, FAKE MONEY THAT WE CAN MAKE AS MUCH OF AS WE WANT.

Elsewhere, Jane’s megacorp and stocks are mentioned.

One wonders why, given the machinery to manufacture just about anything by means of alchemizer, the forms of money, stocks, and corporations are retained... what sort of productive and reproductive labour is regulated and mediated by these markets? Or are they merely acting out the vestigial forms of capitalism as a bizarre drama...

As for the consequences of an infinite money supply, let’s not get into the ‘modern monetary theory’ debate on a Homestuck post, maybe.

on to chapter 6+

This is a Jane chapter. It opens almost immediately with economic discussion; Dave apparently once accused Jane of ‘neoliberal corporate welfare’ for trying to bolster the ‘struggling locksmith industry’ rendered unnecessary on a planet without crime.

She’s visiting Jake, who’s probably my least favourite Homestuck character (who’s not an alpha troll). About Dirk... Jake (Jane says) seems to still have a bit of a thing for him, and Jane, meanwhile, still “has no idea why she can’t get [Jake] out of her system, even after all these years.”

The reason Jane cancelled her run was, it turns out, because Dirk said ‘cancel everything’. She gets drunk, very quickly... and hits on Jake, who is completely oblivious to her advances. She speaks of wanting to abandon business to raise a family, which Jake himself notes is something rather new for her (though the whole traditional gender thing she does isn’t lol)

Jake/Jane isn’t a ship I have any sort of opinion about, honestly. Dirk/Jake’s terrible collapsing relationship was kind of interesting but yeah, here’s a thing. What even are heterosexuals though? “I want to clean your giant house and have a lot of children”... incomprehensible!

One thing I will give credit for is the narration: it creates pretty strong images of like, these characters as fully embodied people, being intimate in like, subtle physical ways. that probably doesn’t make a lot of sense... whatever lol. it works

chapter 7

...brings us back to Gamzee. fittingly, i’m listening to the friendsim soundtrack as i read this, and i just hit ‘take me to clown church’.

anyway since this whole story basically seems to be an exercise in developing ships along the lines of ‘A is into B, B is obvious to their advances’... Roxy’s hot for John now I guess? or at least, so Callie thinks. she insists they’re all going to be ‘very, very happy’ despite her disappointment.

anyway, then we get Gamzee saying a bunch of casually misogynist stuff to John about Roxy. in this context, basically two interpretations are shown: a shallow ‘oh he’s redeemed now’ attitude from Roxy and Callie, and a ‘oh god i hate this person keep him away from me’ attitude from John. Gamzee’s repulsive qualities are underlined by the narration (from John’s perspective): he’s unhygienic, he’s casually misogynist (which seems like a new element, and rather out of keeping with the gendered-but-somehow-theoretically-not-patriarchal Alternia)...

chapter 8

Rose and Kanaya chapter. Jane’s possible presidency is once again the subject of discussion. Jane apparently wanted to apply some kind of anti-troll eugenics policy, and tried to bring Kanaya on board - and got told to fuck off for it. Our two good lesbians agree that, if Karkat were president (and Dave running the economy), things might have worked out ok...

We are briefly introduced to a new character, a jadeblood troll called Swifer Eggmop. Her character archetype, we are directly told, is ‘1920s newsboy’.

We bear witness to an egg hatching (in prose, anyway). This particular baby grub out closely resembling Vriska... which Kanaya says is because she comes from a slurry based on the original 12 trolls. Rose notes this would make Vriska the troll’s Ancestor, which raises an interesting question of whether Ancestors still exist as a social concept on Earth C. Anyway, Kanaya wants to adopt baby Vriska, which can only be a fantastic idea...

KANAYA: There Are Two Things Of Which I Have No Doubt

KANAYA: That You And I Are Going To Be Happy For The Rest Of Our Lives

KANAYA: And That We Are Never Ever Going To See Vriska Again

I think we can safely assume that neither of those things are true. The emphasis on ‘happiness forever’, voiced by multiple characters, is interesting... also the turn towards reproduction.

I went to uni with people who have kids now. Heck I have friends who have a child (who they are trying to spare from gender)... but for most of my social circle, which is to say almost entirely 20-to-30-something trans women, even the idea of adopting is incomprehensible? It’s somehow weird to think of ‘wanting kids’ as the narrative of 20-something year olds...

Kanaya is right. Vriska is dead, and despite everything, she died a hero. Vriska was a complicated figure of contrasting extremes; her heroic actions were matched in scale only by her monstrous ones, and since no one had actually witnessed her end, it was impossible to say which side the pendulum swung and judged her death—Heroic or Just.

It would be a fitting memorial for her and Kanaya to raise a version of Vriska who would be given every chance to make good on her noble characteristics. A true, symbolic redemption arc. Something about the thought appeals to Rose’s taste for the dramatic flourish. It would be proof that this was all worth it in the end: the destruction of multiple universes, the death of Kanaya’s friends, the circuitous rites of suffering experienced by the nearly infinite splintered versions of every being to inhabit Paradox Space...  

Once again, the notion of a ‘redemption arc’ enters the narrative explicitly, directly echoing fandom discussion. Unlike Gamzee, this is studiously neutral on the Vriska Question: steering exactly between ‘Vriska did nothing wrong’, nor ‘Vriska is a monster’. Regardless... I think it’s probably safe to say that everyone’s prophecies are wrong and we haven’t seen the last of the ‘true’ Vriska.

chapter 9

More of Jade trying very hard to ship her friends, to the discomfort of everyone involved. Jade kisses Karkat, and Karkat explicitly names what she’s doing as sexual assault, a violation of boundaries and consent - Jade attempts to convince him that no, it was really Dave who kissed him!

This prompts a long monologue from Dave in which it’s obvious that he has put some thought into kissing Karkat. Point seems to be: they sure are into each other but Jade’s intervention is not at all welcome. At least I hope that’s the point. I would prefer not to see Jade vindicated by the narrative.

Anyway, other things of cultural note: grub spaghetti is apparently still eaten on Earth C. I always thought it was implied that ‘grubs’ in Troll food were like, actual troll babies, but maybe they’re just ordinary (for certain values thereof...) bugs bc I don’t think Kanaya would stand for that.

chapter 10

The ‘Jane running for president’ subplot has largely disappeared, because what we’re really here for is... shipping! This time, a John/Roxy chapter. I think they call it Roxygen or something? Terezi explains the ‘pair the spares’ logic of the ship (dequirkified):

TEREZI: Um, yeah John.

TEREZI: We are not idiots. We can all do the math on this.

TEREZI:  It’s not like you were going to fuck your human mom or human sister.

TEREZI: And you are “not a homosexual,” which takes Strider dick out of the equation.

TEREZI: And Kanaya is the only girl troll left, and she lesbian married one of the two remaining eligible human females.

TEREZI: Oh and Jake is a double threat. A human dad with a human dick!

TEREZI: So by a process of elimination, of *course* you were going to “fall in love” with Roxy.

Equation of ‘dick’ with ‘male’ there terezi but whatever... (god is this fic going to get into the question of what a ‘nook’ and a ‘bulge’ is...)

(lol i’m calling it a fic...)

Anyway, my position on this one is: Roxy/Calliope was a fine ship worth upholding, and I do not see any reason why anyone would be into John. Though I may be biased on that front.

Terezi also brings up the Calliope question. John is trepidatious on that front.

There’s an interesting line from Roxy here, when John tries to assure her she doesn’t have to wear makeup:

ROXY: john...

ROXY: do u ever think about like

ROXY: gender???

JOHN: ???

JOHN: uh. not really, i guess?

JOHN: but i don’t think girls should feel like they HAVE to wear makeup just because they’re girls.

ROXY: lol

ROXY: thats not what im getting at

JOHN: what do you mean then?

JOHN: are you, like...

ROXY: like what

This is where I’m conscious of the ‘trans character’ tag on this one.

They talk about adulthood, as a performance that they do not feel ‘ready’ for. At that point Dave shows up, clearly aflustered after Jade’s intervention:

DAVE: anyone can be a dude if they really want thats part of the beauty of living in this brand new world with none of the baggage our old world had like gender and sexuality and relationships only involving a very specific number of people

chapter 11

So yeah now to pick up the torch on Dave starting to understand he’s gay. here for this

DAVE: theres a metric fucking ton of shit about to come down on me because i dragged my heels on doing some serious self reflection

JOHN: is this just some more stuff about...

JOHN: being gay?

DAVE: maybe yeah

DAVE: ok definitely yeah

DAVE: its 110% about being gay

JOHN: i thought you’d already worked all that stuff out?

DAVE: turns out it takes a long time to figure out your sexuality after a childhood filled with repression and abuse

nice to see it named as such i guess

the dialogue in the last couple of chapters has been really good. i’m getting properly drawn into this, the characters feel extremely well-realised. threads which were long latent are finally being made explicit.

Dave is struggling with very abrupt self-realisation: he definitely has feelings for Karkat, he has complicated feelings for Jade, but the ‘simple’ solution of just entering a non-mono relationship both is not feeling ‘right’ to him. John isn’t really able to help... he’s gonna talk to Dirk.

This chapter does a lot, I really like it, but at the same time I’ve not got a tremendous amount to add to it.

chapter 12

in our latest chapter of ‘homestuck but they fuck now’, Jake and Jane did that - while up on various substances, including at least alcohol and the trickster lollipop. Jake is having second thoughts but when he tries to back out, Jane looks sad, so he decides to go for it. This can only end well.

Also damn I guess someone on the team thought ‘what would it be like to fuck while high on the trickster lollipop’ so uh, that’s a thing now.

chapter 13

Back to the Strider boys. There’s a heavy intro...

Dave and Dirk don’t talk that much about the heavy stuff. They don’t need to. Dave can hear his brother’s voice in his head.

Not, like, literally. That would be insane. But Dave knows what his bro is like. Dirk, or a version of him, instilled in Dave a way of living and thinking that would, for better or worse, persist far beyond the first thirteen years of his upbringing.

Yeah huh.

Can’t believe Rose and Kanaya have the dubious honour of being the most ‘together’ characters in this.

Anyway in this case Dave still feels like he needs to talk to Dirk - who we know has gone awol, for some mysterious reason. He meets... Gamzee, who says some religious clown stuff, and offers Dave a redemption arc (really running this joke into the ground huh), but Dave brushes him off. Then he finds a fembot that Dirk was working on, with a note.

We don’t get to read the note yet. I would guess that’s the end of epilogue 2.

Sure enough it is.

Epilogue 2, taken as a whole

I quite enjoyed this, Gamzee sections notwithstanding. The prose is tight, the dialogue is hitting its flow, and a lot of relationships that were left vague in Homestuck proper are finally being given time to develop.

Obviously it’s kind of risky bringing in explicitly sexual themes, but I think they approach them in the ‘right’ way: focusing on the emotional meaning of relationships that now might - now we’re dealing with 23-year-olds - include sex, rather than just porn lol. It does slightly strain credibility that, in all their time on Earth C, none of them have made any meaningful friendships or relationships outside the core group of 8 kids and a handful of surviving trolls, but I can also understand the desire to focus on the already-developed characters. That’s a common problem for ‘endgame’ ships: in truth dating exclusively within a tiny friendship group is probably a recipe for disaster, but in fiction it makes a work manageable.

I am enjoying just how gay Homestuck has gotten. If Homestuck is the comic for Very Online kids who were around 13 in 2009 when the comic began, it’s somewhat fitting, because our cohort has, at least to a degree, done the same thing lol. Of course, that’s shaped by my personal experience of like, transitioning and moving to a friendship group that’s like 99% trans lesbians and bi women, but I suspect statistics would bear out the idea that more and more people are comfortable identifying ourselves as not-straight in some way. I could be wrong about that though lol.

Of course, it’s too much to hope that this trend - insofar as it exists! - is like, the beginning of the end for Gender as a system of social relations, violent exploitation and coercion - especially since periods of ‘more acceptance’ often seem to precede violent repression (c.f. Weimar Germany and then, the nazis; the period just before the AIDS crisis; much earlier, the construction of colonial/modern gender in the first place on the bones of less rigid gender systems...)

Anyway, let’s see what’s happened to old Dirk. I’m still wondering who the “trans character” is going to be, and how they’re going to handle that. It’s going to be tough to match fic like @rememberwhenyoutried‘s An Earth-Shattering Confession, but we shall see.

[leelee10898]

Back to you: Chapter 13- Girls like you

Disclaimer: characters belong to Pixelberry, except those created for the story Rating: 18+ NSFW Summary: Olivia and Aria make it to the speakeasy, Aria runs into a handsome masked man who shows her a good time. She also runs into Liam. This chapter picks up from chapter 12. You can catch up HERE Title/Chapter inspiration: Girls like you - Maroon 5

Tag list: Is in the comments due to the aweful notification issues going on with tumblr.. As always if you would like to be added feel free to drop a line :)

**************

Leo sat in the back of the limo staring out the window, swirling a tumbler of scotch in his hand. He tried to ignore the fact that he was still pissed at his brother for what he did to Aria, but he made her a promise he wouldn’t do anything. He would have much rather hung back at the hotel and spent time with her but here he was, heading out for Liam’s bachelor party. “Were heeeeere” Maxwell cheered bouncing up and down in his seat, he chuckled to himself. Maxwell was odd, but at least he was fun. The men got out of the limo as Liam hung back. “Leo, a word.

 ” Liam cleared his throat. Leo gave his brother a curious look. “I know that you two have become,” Liam clears his throat again, "very close, I just need to know how is she?” It pained him that he was asking his brother how the woman he loved was. He had screwed up big time, he wasn’t sure if he even stood a chance with her anymore, but it didn’t stop the fact that he still loved her. He made terrible decisions, and yet he could not remember making them. “She’s fine.” Leo said firmly as he finished off the rest of his scotch. “Are we done?” He asked. Liam nodded as they both got out of the limo.  They walk to the door and knocked. A slot slides open "Password?” A man asks from behind the door. Maxwell leans in, “pieds puants ananas,” Maxwell whispered. The slot closes and the door opens allowing the men entrance. "Everyone put your masks on.” Maxwell demands as they make their way through boxes and barrels, behind a curtain was a spiral staircase the lead down to a lavish 1920s inspired club. Leo broke away from the group and posted up at the bar. He wanted to be far away from his brother right now.

 In the town car Aria and Olivia make their way to the club. “Ok, spill it, what’s with you and Leo?” Olivia blurts out. Aria gives Olivia a fake puzzled look. “Im not sure what you mean.” Aria lies. “Im not dumb Aria, I see the way you two look at each other. Something is going on with you two. If you don’t tell me I will figure it out on my own.” Olivia said very matter of factly. “Fine. Cliff notes version. We met and dated over 5 years ago. Something rekindled when he showed up here and I’m just really confused. ” Aria sighed. “Do you love him?” Olivia questioned. “I…I don’t know.. yes.. maybe? Im not sure to be honest. I love Liam, but, I think maybe I’m still in love with Leo too. ” Aria groaned as she threw her head back against the seat. The car rolled to a stop thank god Aria thought she wouldn’t have to be questioned by Olivia anymore. Aria pulls out her mask and puts it on as they get out of the car and walk up to the door..“password” the man asks. “Umm password?” Aria was clueless. “Pieds puants ananas” Olivia says as the door springs open and they make their way inside.

 It was like they stepped into back to 1925. A catchy jazz band playing, men in suits and the women wearing caps and feathers on their heads. Everyone around Leo was having a good time, he just felt something was missing. He missed her, he knew the night would so much better if Aria was here. He watched as every person came down the staircase and into that lounge and no one caught his eye, until she did. She wore a flowing black flapper dress that hugged her body but moved freely with every switch of the hip. Her brown hair curled and pinned just to the bottom of her right ear, a rhinestone headband on her head. Bright red lipstick on her luscious full lips, she wore a royal blue beaded mask that hid her face but those big brown eyes locked with his and he smiled. He walked over to the beautiful stranger. “Excuse me miss? May I buy you a drink?” His voice like velvet. “Sure thing handsome.” She took his hand and they walk over to the bar. 

 “an old fashioned.” He said to the bartender, “make that two.” She piped up. They drink their drinks as Leo leans in close “You are the most ravenous woman here, I am finding I am having a hard time keeping my hands to myself.” he growled in a low husky voice. She looks over at him, fire in her eyes. “Maybe you shouldn’t fight it so much.” She purred as she brushed her hand across his. He grabs it and pulls her in close he looks into her eyes, his lips crash down on hers. Their their tongues dancing together, their mouths smothering the sounds of their moans. “I want you, right now. ” she whispers. A guttural growl escapes the back of his throat as Leo grabs her hand and leads her to an adjacent hallway used for access to a private party room. The lights were dim and there was no staff since the room was vacant.

 He pushes her up against the wall, his mouth kissing and nipping the sensitive spots of her neck. She moaned softly as his fingers dances up her legs spreading her thighs slightly to gain access to her wet pussy. His lips found hers as he brushed one finger across her sensitive clit before dipping it into her wet center. Leo groaned with satisfaction. A second finger joined the first as he pulled them in and out. His thumb massaged her clit and she threw her head back in ecstasy. She fumbled with his belt buckle, wanting to free his throbbing erection she could feel pushing up against her hip. She rubbed her palm across the crotch of his pants grazing his trapped member as she swiftly unzips his fly and releases his rock hard dick. A growl escapes his mouth as she strokes his cock a few times. He pulls her up and lowers her slowly onto his cock, she gasps at the instant satisfaction she felt as he lowered her all the way down. She squirms against him hard as his tip tickled her gspot. He thrust into her hard and fast, each stroke teasing her sweet spot more and more. She could feel the heat pooling in her stomach. 

They kiss feverishly swallowing each other’s moans. Each stroke was like electricity, she felt it pulsating throughout her body. “Oh fuck, so tight, so fucking wet, fuck.” He grunted, his pumps becoming faster more urgent. She felt like she was going to explode, as he thrust and pump into her, his huge cock stroking her g spot she screamed out, “oh fuck Leo, im cumming. Oh fuck!” As her juices enclose his shaft like a wave he growls, “oh you feel so fucking good Ari, fuck.” He gives into his own orgasm as his hot cum coats her walls. They pant, and try to catch their breath. He lowers her down onto the ground as they both adjust themselves. He leans in to give her a kiss, “like I said.. the most ravenous woman here.”

 They exit the hall as Aria walks out first, Leo follows after, turning his head to the man standing by the hallway “Liam.” he nods and zips his fly as he walks off.  Liam stood there stunned and speechless. He looks over at the woman now talking to a tall redhead woman, he realize it was Aria, and the other woman was Olivia. He felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach. He saw her kissing him at the bar. He knew that she just hooked up with his brother in that hallway. He wanted nothing more then to be with her, the possibility of that happening now was not good, He felt like he might be sick. He just wanted to talk to her, he had to ask, to try. He gathered his courage and walked over to her. “Aria” he whispered. She gasps “Liam?” “Aria I want to talk to you, please. I only want to talk. What do you say?” He begged. She could see the desperation in his eyes. “Ok.” She sighed. “The Seine, 10 minutes.” He whispered as he took off. 

She approached the Seine, there he was standing on the bridge. He stood tall, but his face told a different story. He looked haunted, he had circles under his eyes, his slender body looked even slimer. She felt pained seeing him this way. “Aria, I am so glad you came.” He smiled walking towards her. “Have you ever been here?” Liam asked. Aria hesitated a little, Liam could see it in her face. “Its ok.” He assured. She shook her head yes. She had been there with Leo long ago. “Aria, I need to apologize for my actions, it is inexcusable how I have behaved and I give you my sincerest apologies.” Liam blurted out. “You slept with Madeline, I guess I’m just wondering why?” She asked. “Honestly I don’t remember it. I know this sounds like an excuse but I have been having periods of blackouts.” He paces. Aria looks at him cautiously. “That day, I came to your room and well, you know ” I didn’t know I was doing it until you slapped me. Yes, I had a few drinks but not enough to black out. “ Aria looked at him skeptical of what he just told her. She walked closer to him. "When did these blackouts start happening? ” she questioned. “Just as we started the tour.” Liam put his hands on the bridge railing. 

“I came to your room, I wanted to talk to you, but.” Liam shakes his head he thought back to him hearing her make love to his brother. “Im sorry Liam, it just happened.” Aria sighed knowlingly sitting on a nearby bench. Liam sat next to her. “Aria I love you more then words can express, I always will. Please know that I never meant to hurt you.” Liam took her hand. Tears filled her eyes. Despite all the hurt he caused her she did love him, but was that enough to look past every screwed up thing he had done? “I love you too, Liam. I don’t know what is going to happen. I am very confused.” Aria sobbed. “I’m sorry my love, please don’t cry.” Liam wiped her tears away. “How did things get so messed up?” Aria whispered. “I never meant to come between you and Leo.” “It’s hard not to fall in love with you, my love.” Liam sighed.”I hope that we can move past these past few weeks, and try to get back to where we were. I know you are unsure of what you want, but I will not stop fighting for you Aria.” LIam finished. “I hope we can too.” Aria patted his hand.  “We should probably get back before Bertrand calls for a search party. ” Liam chuckled. “You’re probably right.” Aria agreed as they walked back to the club.

 Aria walked back into the club as Liam made his way over to Bertrand. She found Olivia making out with a brunette man, who she was sure was Drake. She chuckled, they seemed like an odd pair, but if they enjoyed each others company in whatever way made sense to them, she wouldn’t knock it. She felt a hand slide around her waist and an instant smile formed on her lips. “Is everything ok beautiful?” Leo asked, he seen her come in with Liam, “I don’t have to break anyone’s jaw do I? He chuckled. "No, everything is ok superman. No beatings necessary. How about you dance with me instead. ” she giggled. “Now that I can do.” He turned her around, they swayed their bodies to the slow jazz beat as the rest of the club seemed to fade away. 

[richiefuckfacetozier]

Tell me why as i was half asleep i wrote "they keep finding glitter everywhere, now who's fault is it?" as a losers prompt,, and im not mad i just wanna know why....but also maybe you could do something w this maybe?

YOU GAVE ME NOTHING TO WORK OFF OF WITH THIS PROMPT. And yet, here we are. I’m on vacation and missed losers week for Ben yesterday! So here is a quick fic with Ben and Beverly.

Covered in Glitter

Located on Archive of Our Own

Pairing: Beverly and Ben

“Hey, Beverly and Richie?” Ben poked his head into the room that the two were hiding in. They had been acting secretive all day, which just made Ben really nervous. Nothing good came out of them scheming together.

“DON’T LOOK!” They shouted together. Beverly got quickly to her feet, pushed Ben out of the room, shut the door and locked it.

Ben tentatively knocked to make sure they were listening. “But guys…Eddie and Stanley are freaking out about the living room. I don’t really mind about the mess but they are driving Bill, Mike and I crazy. They keep finding glitter everywhere, now who’s fault is it?”

There was distinctive giggling on the other side of the door. Ben kept knocking, he refused to stop until someone opened the door. “Bev just fuckin let him in.” He heard Richie say quickly.

He was mid-knock when she flung the door open, looked out in the hallway urgently then pulled him in. She grasped his hand tightly bringing him toward the mystery thing they were working on. Both Beverly and Richie had glitter in their hair and on their hands. He knew she was passing the glitter onto his hand but he couldn’t get himself to care as his hand tingled from her touch. When they were in front of the object, she stood behind him with her hands on his shoulders.

“Oh god…” Ben said with a little laugh. Beverly and Richie had created a giant poster that read ‘The Losers Club’. It was decorated with so much glitter of every color that Ben was no longer surprised it was all over the house. “Where are you planning to hang this up?”

“On the side of our house.” Richie responded immediately.

“Um…everyone is going to veto that idea immediately.” Ben responded. Beverly moved her hands down his back and snaked them around his waist.

She whispered in his ear, “But if you say yes, maybe Bill and Mike will agree.” Then she kissed his cheek. He thought his body would go into cardiac arrest. When Beverly was affectionate with him it made his mind go blank. He would do whatever she wanted.

Which was also really frustrating because they were only friends. He was madly in love with her, but she showed no interest beyond friendship. Which he was alright with, all the anger was on himself. He shouldn’t want more from someone who did not feel the same way. It made him feel like a terrible friend and a slimy man.

He moved away from her touch and she looked back at him in surprise. Richie gave him a knowing look then went back to glittering.

“Is everything ok?” She asked with hurt in her eyes. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No…I just…I don’t know.” Ben walked to the bedroom door. “Please try not to get glitter everywhere. If Eddie’s screaming goes any higher, dogs will be surrounding our house.” Richie let out a huge laugh.

Ben left the room planning to head into his own. He didn’t feel like going back downstairs with the rest of the guys there. It was better if he composed himself before seeing anyone. He plopped down on the bed frowning at the ceiling.

Ben knew he had many opportunities to tell Beverly how he felt. Except every moment did not feel right to him. He wanted to make a huge romantic gesture because that’s how average guys like him won drop dead gorgeous girls such as Beverly. Any attempt he tried was met with a complete blow off by Beverly. She either did not get the hint or did and was not interested, so he gave up.

There was a soft knock on his door and he thought about ignoring it. Unfortunately, he did not get the chance to even ignore it because the door opened immediately.

“I’m sorry. You probably want to be alone but I wanted to check on you.” Came Beverly’s voice. Ben closed his eyes briefly as he felt his bed sink where she sat on the edge. “What’s going on with you?”

He sighed deeply pinching the bridge of his nose. “Nothing, Bev.”

“It’s not nothing!” She insisted. He felt the shift in the bed as she came closer and laid down next to him. “Please tell me.”

Ben turned his head to look at her. She placed the back of her hand, still covered in glitter, on his forehead. “Are you sick?” He shook his head but she kept her small cool hand there. Then slowly ran it down his face until she cupped his cheek. Every touch was like a burn. He yearned for so much more in their relationship and being this close only hurt him.

“I think I am going to move out.” Ben said quietly. He had been thinking about this for a while. Living under the same roof was not healthy for him. Beverly’s eyes widened and she leaned on her elbow to look down at him.

“You can’t! We just fucking made a Losers Club Sign! And we aren’t the Losers Club without every damn member. So no! You can’t move out!” There was so much passion and determination in her words, he couldn’t help but smile.

“God…you are so beautiful.” His smile fell from his face and was replaced by horror at his words. She gaped at him in wonder. Ben could not believe he said that aloud. He never permitted himself to say such things to her because he could not hide his sincerity.

Beverly hesitated then leaned forward. His heart quickened as her lips moved closer to his. Just before their mouths touched she said quietly, “Can I kiss you?”

He thought about telling her no. They were friends and if she kissed him, he would absolutely have to move out. Probably never see her again. Because if they kissed, they will have crossed the line. He would never be able to hide his love for her then. His love would be omnipresent, constantly obvious and unceasingly cruel to him.

Then his mouth moved forward to close the distance. It clearly surprised her because she didn’t move her lips right away. She was frozen. Then she melted entirely into the kiss. Her lips were moving frantically against his needing him to reciprocate. He responded with just as much vigor. She moved her body closer to him until she was half on him. His hands moved to her hair running his fingers through the red locks just like he always wanted too. Their breathing was rugged and heavy as Beverly moved her tongue against his excitedly.

His hands run down her back and stopped right above the waistband of her jeans. She shifted her leg over to straddle him and he knew she could feel his desire. This just encouraged her to start grinding down on him with need. They both moaned then she was unbuttoning his shirt and trailing kisses down his neck.

“Bev…” He whispered knowing he needed her to stop before it went too far. She thought this was an invitation to go further because she stopped kissing him to reach down and unzip his jeans.

“Bev!” He placed a hand on hers and she halted, face half covered with her hair. Her body was flushed as her eyes slowly met his. “We can’t do this.” He said firmly.

“Why?!” She asked desperately. “I want this and clearly so do you!”

“Because…”

“Because why? Just tell me what is bothering you. I will try to make it better.” She shifted in his lap which made him hiss from the unexpected friction. He was still really worked up.

“Bev…we can’t come back from something like this.”

“Maybe I don’t want to come back from anything, Ben.”

“Beverly…”

“No! I’m a grown woman, I can make my own choices. Stop treating me like the 13-year-old girl you met years ago. I love you, Ben!” Her voice cracked. Dawning hit her like a ton of bricks. She tried to jump off his lap and probably run away, but he placed his hands on her thighs to trap her.

“I love you too.” He said fast.

She stared back skeptically, “I mean I am IN love with you.”

“I’m IN love with you too. I have been for years.”

“You’re lying…” She said in bewilderment.

“I’m not.” She ran a hand through his hair then kissed him again. This time it was gentle and soft like she was taking her time to really memorize the moment. Ben was sure he wouldn’t be able to think of anything else for the rest of his life.

Ben Hanscom and Beverly Marsh loved each other, even covered in glitter.

@sam-i-am2468 @ohheydatsme @missingstanleyuris @jaederp @reddieaddict @loser-marsh

[adminpoetryclub13-blog]

MEMBERS

Member count: 22

Giuls (president): Lover of everything pink and sparkly, I am the mom friend who makes sure everyone is well-fed and having a good time. I am the founder along with Amber and was elected president. You can find her @giulswrites.

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Asa: I'm a 23 year old author with 6 published books, at least two more to publish by the end of 2018, and many more to come. Writing, poetry included, is a way of life to me. It's using words to create an identity. It's showcasing your affection, the things in your head, the light and darkness. It's observation, knowledge, curiosity, and so much more. You can find me @racksley.

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Hyuri: 22, black, and I'm a graduate student. Food, great tv shows(especially anything Shonda Rhimes related), and traveling, and are all things that bring me joy. Poetry is the way I express the truths, emotions, and feelings i'm not otherwise able to share. I write to distress and to introspect. It allows me to feel, process, and turn my pain into something beautiful. You can find me @invoked-emotion.

Isorosa: Night owl, city crawler, book lover, poetry is the only way I can speak to the world. You can find me @iso-rosa.

Kelly:  I am a mother of two teen girls. Newly hella gay lol have a beautiful girlfriend whom most of my poetry is about. Work at a soup kitchen and love helping people. Some say im a healer or an empath but i think im just kind 😘🤘🍑 I am 25 years old; constantly learning to cope with life while finding the joy in it. I love my mom and daughter. I love my cats even though they are stuck up. Poetry is an outlet, it helps keep me sane.You can find me @brnbabe

Linda:  I am 25 years old; constantly learning to cope with life while finding the joy in it. I love my mom and daughter. I love my cats even though they are stuck up. Poetry is an outlet, it helps keep me sane. You can find me @zestygingersoda

M’leigh: Hello I'm M'Leigh, I'm currently a freelance writer, author, and blogger. I love the arts; music, making art in different ways painting, drawing etc, but my main love is writing. In particular poetry to me is an outlet, "its like breathing for the soul" (from the show recess). Its were folks like myself can share their hearts and minds in a special way. My hope, my goal is to use my writings to spread Much Love and understanding to others as well as share my thoughts and feelings that may otherwise not have a voice. You can find me @mleighsquickspot

Manya Saxena: Poetry is a way of expressing my feelings. The lack of which has always been my major concern. It had improved a lot on my personal being and has added successfully to my personality. I love nature and everything that comes along with it. From human interactions to listening to their stories is what I love for.  You can find me @manyasaxenawrites

Marisca:  I am a very average human being that enjoys anime and movies in general. I am a massive Marvel fan! I like a wide variety of music (literally from classic to metal). My Saturdays start with horse riding and I also like running (horse riding and running both calms me down a lot). For me poetry is my way to show people what is going on in my cluttered head since I am not very good with talking about what I feel. In my poetry I usually show pieces of myself to the reader, whether it is a pessimistic out look on life (which is common for me) or the fact that I think love is very sweet. I nearly always show a true part of myself. You can find me @1blackwhiteblue1

Maya: I am a Tamil born American living in Mozambique and working in the health sector of foreign aid. Writing is my way of connecting with the world around me as well as the world inside. You can find me at @maya-doolali.

Rameshwar: For me poetry means the Expression of feelings through words. You can find me @ramschavan.

Sara: I'm an emotionally closed off person, unless I'm writing. It helps me feel and clear my mind, and it makes my feelings feel real and valid. You can find me @sacchareen.

Talha Nadeem:  I'm talha and I'm 15. I've been passionate about literature since the age of 13 and I've been writing since then. Poetry's a way through which I escape everyday turmoil. I use poetry to find out who I am, I'd call it my path to self discovery. I think every person has a way he expresses himself. For me, it's poetry. You can find me @talhas-thoughts.

Zashes:  I'm someone with a heart that feels a lot, I'm someone who loves to dwell in another world. People have turned cold and harsh in this world so poetry keeps me alive and warm. Poetry sounds to me like that cup of tea without which one cannot commence their day. It's special. I do not write to merely write, I write to exhale, to express and to set free all the thoughts that keep imprisoning me. Overthinking and overfeeling probably turned me into a writer. I may not write perfectly but I try to express myself so that I continue to breathe! You can find me @sparkandashes

Former admins: 3

Alexander (vice president): Ancient, godless, countryless heathen that writes poetry for the joy of magic. He shares the vice president position with Amber. You can find him @arcane-ethereality.

Amber (vice president): 17 years old; from the Netherlands. She shares the vice president position with Alexander. You can find her @a-holy-mind.

Rae (vice president): 19 years old; from the USA. She is an audiology (ear doctor) student living on coffee, chocolate, and hugs. Writing is her way of discovering, connecting, sharing, and releasing. She wants to change the world and doesn’t quite know how, but she’s on her way. You can find her @universalmemoir.

[obannthepunished]

uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains

"They call me eagle-eye fjord where i come from." "maybe raven. i dont know." that theory about Fjord being the Hawker is suspicious rn (Apparently theres a third i missed whoops) sam apparently similar thoughts maybe bc Nott brings it up

Jester finally teaching kiri basic phrases, like "go fuck yourself"

Beau + Fjord taking first watch

Caleb checking out the dodecahedron

(Unrelated odd point: i have a current dislike/distrust for liam, which is bullshit bc... i love liam. and caleb and vax. but apparently smt is wrong.)

Dodecahedron is Very Old, and has been shaped/polished Cay uses the haversack as a pillow

BEAU/FJORD Beau: "I think I messed up. I think I should apologise." I HURT? Oh beauregard. oh marisha. "i wanna try, I guess" F: I think he deserves that. He's been good to us. i regret not writing fic now 8(

"OOH, terrible" "YEP." "five" "five" (collective "ooh")

Nott + Jes second. they roll not great.

Tinkle tinkle "nnhnohfishnott"

Kiri is poofed up asleep aAW

trident goin for FRUMPKIN NOOO (pause whilst they look for range on dismissal)

Kiri wakes up "Go fuck yourself :("

Theyre waiting for fish head they could just reappear Frumpkin tho...

Jester is sacred flaming, Molly has a sword active + stabs, Caleb fire bolt, Nott fires an arrow, Fjord eldritch blast, Yasha stabby

Molly + Nott + Caleb miss Fjord hits, Beau hits, Yasha hits dunno bout jes

frumpkin poofs back but doesn't see anything else.

???? alarm lasts 8 hours, not until triggered yall it should still be up. they need to look up the spells smh

Nott messaging to tell yash to hide the bodies

LAst watch is Yash and Caleb i need to stop shortening names

Caleb asks Yasha for people advice :') He's writing it down... i love him Yashas advice is basically "Fucking Bathe" And cay confirms he keeps himself gross because people ignore him more that way 8( Baby

C: "Do you know what i miss? shaving." Y: "I could shave you right now with my sword. I've done it before, you know, to... not have hair on my arms-" Omg shes doing it omg theyre doing it omg I DONT HAVE TO DRAW FACIAL HAIR IN MY FANART ANY MORE FUCK <3333

cay forgets he has a dagger jesus fucking christ

i love everyone making comments + taliesins just amazed like, borderline heart eye emoji look at this whole scenario

M: (to Caleb) "Well done, she [yasha] likes you!"

Nott is Not Happy About Water N: I'LL STAY WITH KIRI everyone else: Convincing her to come N: I'll stay with kiri, and if there's any trouble... we'll see what happens

Fjord goes first, he sees, with his 60ft darkvision, architeture of room. mistly natural, some bits not.

Fjord botches his stealth roll but matt botches his perception even worse. and my thing crashed im so mad.

Fjord is Not a good swimmer. hes like. 30ft swimming speed. Things being left: Caleb's books (2) Molly's coat

travis willingham going "kiris gotta die" then dragging everyone who gasped through the dirt

beau gets fucking 37 on her stealth check Matt: "That's some vax numbers right there!"

The visual aid is... so extra. lights. smoke. what the fuck matthew. (note: when ur best friend is called matthew this is a phrase you say too much)

Surprise round for erryone but Molly and Yasha (purrsonally, i think they were too busy talking abt how beautiful cay is now ;3c)

everyone rolled shite for initiative tho

Caleb casting haste on molly O:

Fjord is very very adept at everything

everyone on crit role can do maths better than me 8(

the marrow fuck beau and fjord royally

watching call lightning forming + marishas face as she slowly realises :)

jes gets the first hdywtdt + crushes a fish with a lollipop

Caleb is taking blind potshots with the glove of blasting boyy. One even hits!

moll gets 3 attacks i love my beautiful devil child

N: Are you guys alive and do you need anything? you can reply to this message~ C: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK N: oh,, alright.

Taliesin's relief when ashley actually hits is very good.

Beau goes down! D:

hi unrelated taliesin sticking his tongue out at sam fills me with indescribable joy

NEW: Horny twink gets double penetrated by feisty wet ones.

... which is to say two fish dudes stab molly.

Jes heals Beau, but we all know fine fucking well if she hadn't, Yasha would have done it on her next turn. still might since she's only on 11

Cay using dispel magic O:

Molly gets the second hdywtdt "I'm literally just a windmill at this point"

FJORD gets the third F: "I see Molly loojin' around, give him a little wink-" (murders) M: Fucking arsehole F: (witty comment) PEACE OUT (blinks out again)

"Sevens are scary" - Taliesin

Yash gets the next hdywtdt Xorhasian Neck Tie Jesus christ

I was right tho Yasha was seriously considering healing beau, it just takes her action

Two more fishfucks 8(

More call lightning

Sams flask says "lost my best friend over a bowl" and that hurtie

caleb is boutta die. Yasha is boutta die first lmao oh no. i love taliesin jaffe an inhuman amount. Yash gets pulled OVER beau and marisha makes like grabby hand motions which is VERY cute

ok NOW caleb boutta die. he Shield's, and then fragments "Caleb will remember this"

Beau looks at Yasha, looks at Caleb, and goes to CALEB (sobs) blasts a ki point and everything

Molly gets a nat 20 oh he's such a babe

Nott spending her turn justifying herself to Kiri

Fjord blinks back in and fucks up ANOTHER fishfuck

Yasha casting healing hands on HERSELF good.

"You dont have a printout of your character sheet????" "Oh yeah I do after you asked me nine times" liam wh

both yash and caleb are at ONE hp

B, spening her last ki point: HEYCALEBWESHOULDTALKLATER

Beau gets the HDYWTDT tho

Molly is Very Sick from losing haste

Caleb goes the fuck down Fails his first save

everytime tal says "im gonna try something weird"  i heart eyes emoji shame he cant do jack fuck though

Nott Burning Bolt shoots the fishfuck for 24 damage jeeeeez doesnt die but drops lightning

Fjord: (appears, fails, disappears)

if Caleb permadeaths i WILL cry

PLEASE YASHA PLEASE GOD JESTER PLEASE THEY KILL IT IM CRYING SO HARD no like literally i am actually crying bc matt very deliberately did that so that he didnt kill Caleb

Jester uses her pearl of power to regain a slot, and use it to cast prayer of healing for SHIT rolls.

Jester goes back to Kiri <333 baby. baby bird.

Matt mercer keeps using words ive only ever seen written and im ALWAYS ???? about their pronunciation

Fjord finds some L00t Like boxes and longswords and a pool of water with dozens of metallic objects mostly outlawed diety symols. changebringer moonweaver. others i forgot. stormlord. everlight. asmodeus ooh, bane strife emperor. and tiamat.

"a little black bird that's fluttering to try and get dry" fuck thats so damn cute. Marisha has the :D face

Calebs books are dry

wooden box + pool are magic. like. WITHIN.

Enchantment in the box. Molly collecting the moonweaver pieces

JESTER FINDS TWO SYMBOLS FOR THE TRAVELLER? HOLY SHIT Different make, pure silver one, burnished bronze another door arch with the road

Molly gets 12-13 symbols

Nott mage hands just so good even drunk

in the box is a blade, gold, jewel encrusted Molly shoves Nott aside to get it cause its a scimitar style

Caleb finds the arch-heart symbol? Takes one

Yasha takes 4 symbols for the storm god.

Bane/strife emperor symbol Fjord is curious about chained coffin he throws it into the pool. nothing happens.

JEster goes to pll it out and gets a big catseye yellow gem,  magical, but not a school of arcane magic. it has a line groove in it, very deliberate, an oval.

"something about that [orb] is very familiar"??? (Matt to Travis)

i was right about the orb being familiar

C: (abt the gold sword) This blade is called Summer's Dance C: "Mr. Mollymauk," M: "Mr. Caleb."

Blade allows user to cast Blink basically, and is stronk

official-europa replied to your post: uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains “They...

i think its probably misty step and not blink 

official-europa replied to your post: uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains “They...

on the sword i mean

caleb tries to ID the orb

fjord touches it "sky is moonlit + cloudless, clothes not your own, nor body, overcoat + human skin. thick calloused skin. left hand stone. look down, see body of previous owner, dead in blood. natural landmass seawater night. flash. right hand grasps falchion. voice booms. potential. jams the stone into gut, cCONSUME. vanishes into belly. looks into water. REWARD." "Vandrin."

i dont kn ow what the fuck is going on.??? everyone else sees this o shit

oh shit is the eye the symbol of Fjord's patron?

"he was my mentor, a captain of mine. a man named Vandrin." Y: What happened to Vandrin? F: I'm not sure. he captained the ship i worked on for many years, and their was an incident. an explosion, terrible weather, waves, "i was knocked overboard" when f woke up he was back on shore

"how did you survive" "I'm not entirely sure."

explosion was sabotage.

the pool is saltwater.

Molly shoves Fjord's head into the water

comes up "You okay???" "Do it again" "Tap three times when you're done!" Fjord drowns

they take as much as possible up and out and decide to dynamite everything in. dramatic exit..

They take the bodies down and lay them in the swamp to rest and decompose.

Beau tries to pull Caleb aside and he just stonewalls her until she actually apologises.

Caleb "I give beauregard a hug and say 'idont know what im doing. just. go with it." BEau very AWKWARDLY hugs him back Beau consulting Fjord, Caleb consulting Yasha The entire other side of the table clapping.

Beau: UH. GOOD TALK. FRIEND. (awkward silence) Beau: Seriously though. Friend? (pause) Caleb: Uh. Ja. (brb dying)

there is a single yellow eye on the hilt of the falchion.

episode END

[shiredded]

A Predict of Text

a terrible horrible mishmash of beautiful words from @phantomrose96’s mp100 fic, A Breach of Trust

Written by a robot using a predictive text emulator, into which I fed the entirety of ABoT up to the current chapter, and then sat back and did my best to add in punctuation and try to steer it into some semblance of plot. I failed.

Unfortunately it looks like it didn't accept all the chapters into it’s algorithm but it’s something. it sure is something and you can write with it here! and instructions here.

I now present: APoT

-----------------------------------------

The house and wall beneath Mob's feet groaned with the same two officers from the previous night. Exhaustion pulled like deadweight on every muscle in his body as the sun dipped lower. Tetsuo was probably fine, just a bit too fast to find out possessing people. It had been clear enough for any sign of life to be dead by 5:52 pm... But wandering roaches were easy to find in the darkness of the stairwell.

Mob's voice cracked with sweat. “You’re going to kill me tonight if you don't have your powers.”

" I guess you can't understand why you're going to die, holy shit! " tears erupted in Mogami's eyes every now and then.

A tiny smile flashed bright in Mob's heart, then closed in on darkness. " shishou, I don't like the extra trick you taught me. "

Mogami motioned Mob into the bush, his tone stroking across Mob's barrier. " You coulda killed me, though if you think you did, it wasn't your fault. " 

Mob’s brow scrunched into a scowl before he looked back at him. " listen to me holy fuck you know?-I’ve got a pretty good idea where you're going today! "

 Paralyzed in horror, shishou wasn't in danger himself, but nothing could ever take him down. Tetsuo, buddy, he could never breach the barrier. Mogami stabilized himself against the counter and waited out the silent seconds before letting the ice flash back to water. Anxiety edged back behind his teeth and tapped it against the underside of his feet. His mother never told him exactly when they gave him more barrier, but muscle could not overwhelm the thing he stared at, Mob. He swallowed, listening to the television going off the handle.

“Yeah something like that. Sorry about that one too. Possession is significantly creepier than it could be. “The woman officer Isa asked into the thing. The television volume was too strong for Mogami to handle, so he kept it scrunched down.

 “Why can't they kill you, shishou? “Mob asked.

 Fidgeting, Mogami raised his arms. “Oh my god! I've got ta be campbell's face, which is why- "

 Mob’s heart jumped into his throat. Relief poured like a snail across the pavement. " Celebrate... Or else. " He sharpened his hands in frantic spurts.

 " Whatever. " Mogami descended one step closer to the television.

 Campbell's soup cans rattled on ahead of him, permanently alive and healthy. Someone's voice was not going to say anything else, crumpled cans through the dusty television volume knob. Fingernails dug into his skin through the pajamas on his shoulder, Mob found a single cockroach among the filth and turned on his shishou.

" you better run now, Ritsu started to teach himself to take control of cockroaches, spiders, and roaches. It made things just slightly trained. " poison muttered from Mob's voice, and tapped down on mogami's heart.

 The thing walking around in Mob's fingers, cold terror in a single cockroach. Tiny movement caught Mob's eyes and he sheepishly smushed it against Mogami’s ears. It felt like eating anything living, but Mogami seemed to be dead.

 Twisting anxiety pulled back just as Mogami answered dismissively, " Mr. cocky wasn't something that able to get past my barrier! " Violently shivering, he flipped back on his heels as Mob stared.

 78 %

 Mob curled his hands into his pocket after that night, if shishou wasn't locked somewhere in the morning, campbells would-- be flushed into the street's. crying a few silent seconds, Mob raised his hand to shake the damp iciness of Mogami’s thin hand. " stabby is a very serious thing, shishou. "

Darting his eyes, Mogami asphyxiates and and- the basement became warm for a split second. He'd be campbell's voice no more.

 " I do what I must to survive, " Mob howled in a perfect voice.

 Mogami was forcibly cease to be. Missed somewhere in the next world beyond the foyer.

--------------------------

 Mob's elation sunk as his eyes traced its path from above his head. Nothing was shredding this time. It was fine.

 " oi! Knock it off! " another living being called to others.

" what did that mean? Yeah yeahi'll oh god. " the man twisted his body and prepared to deal with darkness, but that was not a psychic master at all! " you okay, kiddo? "

 Mob shook his head and waved it in wild ways. " my powers are impressionable, but shishou wasn't a good enough ghost. "

 the man did not shy away from Mob, eliciting glimmers and shimmering with the clean exhaustion. His face was thin and gaunt and flesh, a wonderful man who'd appeared at the doorway telling him to wake up. Parts of his façade were slick and smooth, deliberate smile, unbidden skirt swirling in the darkness. His eyes were impossibly wide as he watched the anxious kiddo that was alive.

 3/4 %

... the cockroach could muster just a few sympathetic greetings. " you know his corpse is still hanging in that house for 30 years? Why didn't someone come fetch him when it happened? How does that even make sense? "

Reigen leaned away from the accusation of the thing in Mogami’s chest. it was pink and oily, kind of dangerous. but it wasn't like it was the butcher, Mob had broken his shishou's neck and face: just as Mogami motioned toward the kitchen, for those cans to fight Mob.

 veins rose up and down Mob's barrier. " you should mind your own business, actually don't. "

 “uh shit im alive?” Reigen thought the kid would be shredded when he died. “you don’t want to stay here do you?” Reigen answered

 " oh. well no, not anymore. but I can't fix this thing, it would only get your hand shredding if you clawed at me, " Mob whispered into Reigen's battered fingers.

 Reigen drummed his fingers along his forehead and pulled back. His hands shook without eight paper packs every day, but they were still smiling and disaffected by the barrier.

 " I’m a psychic adventure man! Not a psychic master! You can't hurt someone alive. "

 Mob felt dizzy looking at him like he was a thing made of glass. " i'm not dangerous? "

 " no one came to get you away from him, that permanently dead evil spirit named Keiji. "

 Mob's greatest private investigator was around with a single cockroach on his shoulder. " his voice was loud against the man's name, Keiji. He felt actually dead, so he kept himself turned to Mogami. "

 Reigen watched transfixed once more. " first, he was dead and possessing Tetsuo. He didn't like that people were happily conned out of their spouses. anyway he gon up into silence down in danger. He isn't smiling any more. "

 Mob knew that sounded good. he swallowed compulsively, " I really hope my barrier becomes not dangerous so I can put those fears behind me. "

 Reigen straightened his back. " you're going to worry about being in club activities because you don't have to worry about being rejected or haunted out there in the world outside. "

 " oh. "

 Reigen tapped the barrier to not endanger him. " I understand why you're acting this way of course, but it's very rational to worry about being president when you hung that ghost thing in our closet- "

 Mob wrapped his arms around his body and prepared to deal with Tetsuo. " Ritsu Kageyama was 13 years old, I should sleep. " he flickered again and thrust his face into bed.

 " holy fuck you're doing something different. "

 Reigen glanced sidelong at the hanging body's eyes and shot quick droplets of holy water against it.  " yep. It was forbidden pods, the little bits of sunkissed beige he swallowed compulsively. "

Mob fumbled out of control, then nodded once to himself in front of the door. " I need to go home tonight, but he didn't like that. "

 Reigen answered simply, " today is different, Mob. "

[dylanobrienisbatman]

100 Questions

it’s long so it’s under the cut, but man was this fun. thanks for the tag @the-most-beautiful-broom ♥ i’ll tag my loves (if you want to haha this is a lot) @raven-reyes-of-sunshine @perhalta @dracovengeance @hedaalicia and @amihanmayari

1. What is your nickname? Bails

2. How old are you? 24

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius!

5. What is your favorite color? green (Aw hey linds, same !!) 

6. What’s your lucky number? I was number 8 for marching band every single year (F8 for flute 8) except my junior year, and my junior year we had a shit show, so im calling that. 

7. Do you have any pets? 5 dogs back home in seattle but none where i live now or in NY when i get back

8. Where are you from? everywhere and nowhere. my dads military. but im american! 

9. How tall are you? 5’ 5″

10. What shoe size are you? 7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? A whole lot, but they’re not always all with me. 

12. Are you random? not really. im pretty set in my routines and very comfortably a home body

13. Last person you texted? my best friend @broadwaybound2016

14. Are you psychic in any way? not even a little tbh

15. Last TV show watched? The Bold Type (WATCH IT ITS AMAZING)

16. Favorite movie? I’m not really sure but i just watched Love, Simon and im literally just crying because of it right now so im gonna go with that until further notice

17. Favorite show from your childhood? probably Lizze McGuire

18. Do you want children? Nope

19. Do you want a church wedding? I dont really want to get married

20. What is your religion? agnostic? maybe? im not religious, and not very spiritual. I love spirituality, things like crystals and stuff, but i try not to appropriate those things from groups/cultures who actually use them. I’d love to learn more about them and be someone who actually knew how to practice but, again, i dont want to step on toes culturally and take things that aren’t mine to take

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? a lot! a ton of surgeries on my ears

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? nope, im literally a goody two shoes

23. How is life? lovely

24. Baths or showers? showers!

25. What color socks are you wearing? i dont really wear socks? i like those little half socks. I’m not wearing any rn

26. Have you ever been famous? nope.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? probably. i’d love to have a voice, and if it was for doing something i love, i cant think of anything better than getting to share my passion with the world like that. But it would definitely be a lot of pressure

28. What type of music do you like? i’m into literally anything. I love Hayley Kiyoko, the 1975, big fan of just basic pop like ariana grande and charlie puth, Harry Styles’s album is a masterpiece, Shawn Mendes, 5th Harmony. i love anything.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes!!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? just two!

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my stomach

32. How big is your house? my house at home is a 5 bedroom 3 bath, my apt in amsterdam rn is just a room in a hotel type place with my own bathroom, and my apt in nyc is a studio

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? i literally hardly ever eat breakfast, but i love a bagel

34. Have you ever left the country? I’m in europe RIGHT NOW! lol

35. Have you ever tried archery? once, i was terrible

36. Do you like anyone? Not right now, but i might want too

37. Favorite swear word? i love the word fuck. it’s got so much you can do with it. i swear like a sailor.

38. When do you fall asleep? ummmmmm? whenever i guess lol 

39. Do you have any scars? A few small ones. a decent one on my knee from falling off my bike when i was 8

40. Sexual orientation? Bisexual

41. Are you a good liar? excellent

42. What languages would you like to learn? ALLLL the languages. I’d love to learn native hawai’ian. i spent my high school years there and the culture is so incredible, and i was so welcomed into it by my friends who were from there, i’d love a chance to really connect too it and try to learn that. 

43. Top 10 songs? Oh boy... im just gonna bullet these because i cant decide the order but this is the general

the way i am - charlie puth

young god - halsey 

rather be - clean bandit

feelings - hayley kiyoko

woman - harry styles 

make me feel - janelle monáe 

six inch heels - beyonce 

get right witcha - migos

my my my - troye sivan 

nice for what - drake 

44. Do you like your country? i’m torn at the moment. I hate tr*mp and everything him and his stand for, but i think america can be a wonderful place. 

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes!! <3

46. What is your personality type? MBTI: INTP 

47. Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw

48. Can you curl your tongue? yes!

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Hermione and Hermione is me. (also i really relate a lot to Lexa from the 100, which... is interesting. the way she suppresses feelings, her generally logical approach to things, the way she is totally useless around pretty girls.) 

50. Left or right handed? right!

51. Are you scared of spiders? If they’re like, big spiders yes. or if they come out of nowhere. im way more scared of cockroaches tho.

52. Favorite food? For some reason this question has been really hard for me lately? idk. i love a good indian style curry, and tacos? 

53. Favorite foreign food? Indian!

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m CLEAN, but im messy. i feel like cleanliness and orderliness have been misconstrued to mean the same thing, but clean is to dirty as orderly is to messy. I’m clean and messy, i am not very orderly, and i am NOT dirty. 

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Experience a walk down the street in a city at night where im not afraid

56. What color underwear? black

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? not too long, but it sometimes takes me a long ass time to pick an outfit 

58. Do you have much of an ego? It’s as big as it should be. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? i suck on them until i can bite them

60. Do you talk to yourself? Constantly.

61. Do you sing to yourself? Hell yeah

62. Are you a good singer? i’m decent but i need another voice to match with. on my own i can’t carry a tune. 

63. Biggest Fears? failure. and heights. 

64. Are you a gossip? I can be, but never about like.. bad things. I like to talk about how this friend or that friend did x y z cool thing but im not like “omg did you hear so and so hooked up with so and so” 

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Not really because i can’t spell for shit

66. Do you have long or short hair? Short-ish? i cut my hair in march of LAST YEAR and then trimmed it again this year and i want it to fucking grow

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i would definitely forget some

68. Favorite school subject? History

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Pretty introverted. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nah, im not allowed too for medical reasons

71. What makes you nervous? when I see kids wandering and their parents not noticing (okay im keeping that because me too, but also travelling? like the in-transit part of travel, catching busses/trains/planes makes me panic)

72. Are you scared of the dark? not at all

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? i try not too unless its major. usually its unintentional or the mistake is irrelevant to the flow of the conversation/situation  

74. Are you ticklish? Yes, but i hate being tickled unless its like, my sister or my dad

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes i have lol (linds, ily, we DEFINITELY have been over this already)

77. Have you ever drank underage? a little, but not until i was like 19, and then i was in europe for 6 months, so i didnt REALLY drink underage until i was like... less than 6 months to 21

78. Have you ever done drugs? Pot pretty regularly here in Amsterdam, and i’ve done shrooms

79. What do you fantasize about? getting a beautiful loft in a big city (preferrably london or NYC), with a kick ass job, a dog, and maybe a girlfriend with huge curly hair.

80. How many piercings do you have? Four

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yep!

82. How fast can you type? I just took a little online quiz that said i can type 72 words per minute with 93% accuracy? 

83. How fast can you run? lol I don’t run (same linds... same)

84. What color is your hair? brown!

85. What color are your eyes? Green!

86. What are you allergic to? I’m a bit lactose intolerant and pineapple makes my tongue itch?

87. Do you keep a journal? no, but i wish i did sometimes 

88. Are you depressed about anything? I’m not depressed “about anything”, im just generally someone who experiences a pretty mild case of depression.

89. Do you like your age? Yeah, i dig it.

90. What makes you angry? bigotry, ignorance, and spilling things. I spill drinks constantly, i spilled a WHOLE BOWL OF CEREAL ON MY FLOOR THE OTHER NIGHT.  

91. Do you like your own name? I didn’t used too but i really do now

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? not that i know of

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I don’t want kids. 

94. What talents do you have? i have a pretty great memory, but for random things i dont need 

95. Sun or moon? Moon <3

96. How did you get your name? My dad, he just liked it. My middle name was also my dad, he heard the name Jess on the movie A Man From Snowy River and he thought it was a nice like, nickname/pet name, so he gave me the middle name Ges (pronounced like Jess) with the intent of calling me that (it didnt stick), but he didn’t want anyone to think my middle name was Jessica, so he spelled it Ges.

97. Are you religious? I am not, but i have a lot of respect for the concept of religion, as long as its used for the real purpose, which is to make people feel peace and help people find love and comfort. 

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I have not, but i shold

99. Color of your bedspread? White

100. Color of your room? White, with one black wall 

[looking-beyond-hate]

please read and comment or message me. greatly appreciate opinions!!!

The Eyes of a Self Conscious Introvert

  I'm not going to lie, i had to look up in the dictionary for the words; 'Self-Conscious' and 'Introvert' just to make sure i had the correct terms. im not the most sure person when pouring out my thoughts on paper. i tend to keep most of the words i want to say in a safe upstairs with the key right out of arms reach because i dont want to make a mistake in conversation with anyone. i often stutter on most things i say when i give any second of thought of what to say. my life is tough in this aspect.

 i suppose it all started when i started middle school. my school district in particular grouped together 4 elementary schools into the middle school. not sure if thats how most school districts do it but mine did, anyhow, i learned quickly what 'cliches' were. you couldnt just go up to anyone and befriend them simply by saying hello. i dont wanna sound like it happened immediately, but i felt like i had been kicked to the bottom of the totem poll. which hit me hard as a 13 year old or how ever old i was starting out in the 6th grade. i wasnt weird in elementary school, i had a normal friend base. the only thing i can think of that possibly made us out of place is we all loved the WWE, we had action figures and we would bring them into school and play with them whenever we had the chance. it wasnt a bid deal. but going back to the start of middle school, so many new faces and you didnt know how they were going to act when you said something to them. eventually i started to get picked on in any good nature kid fun. im not bothered by it now and by that i mean, i dont blame my insecurities on that. if anything i believe it taught me how to grow up and grow from it. sure i was bothered by it then but thats besides the point. my most vivid memory of middle school though was feeling bigger than the other kids. i wore a sweater everyday of 7th grade because i felt chubby and i didnt want people using that as an excuse to pick fun at me. if i have carried anything from middle school, it was my body image. which as i type this is complete nonsense because i weigh 140lbs and i goto the gym just about everyday. even back then i wasnt classified as obese or even 'big'. i just wasnt as skinny as the other kids and i always wanted to be.

 in the 8th grade, i stopped wearing sweaters all the time and i felt great. i had my own pride and it was growing, then high school hit and i started back from step 1. it took me until my junior year to reclaim my own personal pride again. i started befriending just about everyone i cared about trying to be friends with and it was great. but even then, i was still shy and kept certain things to myself. i was never 100% open to anyone and then the worst thing happened to me that year. i lost my mother to stage 4 lung cancer, that was the toughest thing i ever had to deal with. in some sort of way though, losing her made me just stop caring, about anything. my grades dropped dramatically, i didnt care what anyone thought about me. basically the end of junior year i didnt care about anything, i was just going to do me and that was it.

 next thing i know is my senior year started and i actually tried in all my classes and i did so much better than i had ever done in any class in prior years. everything was going so right. i was friends with a lot of people and i was open. some might read the word 'open' like any other word but i felt so free to say anything and do anything. i was literally free from my head, my conscious or that little voice in your head that says no. he wasnt there, it was a great feeling. the ability to walk through those hallways with your head up and not a care in the world, i cant explain it enough. eventually though, i had graduated high school and back again it was to step 1. back to being quiet and monitoring everything that would come out of my mouth. i went the summer without a job and just hanging out with friends and it was great, didnt see anyone i didnt know and i didnt have to really care what came out of my mouth but then i started a job at the local Target and i went back to being shy and really careful of what i was saying. i didnt want anyone on my bad side simply because i dont know these people. i dont know how they are going to act if i said something a little out of place. so i kept to myself until i felt comfortable , eventually i did and i came out of my shell and i was friends with just about everyone at that establishment. 

 i believe my problem is i never feel comfortable around people i dont know. i can never be myself and that limits me beyond belief. back to the flashback though, before a year even hit, i quit that job because the work was bullshit for the pay i was receiving. i went a whole year plus before scoring a job with a state university as a summer painter. let me just tell you, the disgusting dorms we had to paint was horrific for only $12/hr. these college kids need their mothers to rub their face in the trash a few times because it was the nastiest, hottest, sweatiest, summer i had ever had. but at the end of the day, " a job is a job" i was saying to myself. that being said, it was a whole new experience with a whole new group of people i wasnt comfortable around. back to step 1 it seems is the story here. i worked there as a temp painter for just under 2 years, and even after all of that time, i never opened up. kept to myself and just listed to my music on my phone for the most part. eventually a decision came to where i either needed to be let go or get switched to the kitchen appliance shop due to funding issues. so i went to the new shop and a whole new experience with a new set of people and i was quiet for a good year before i started opening up. i still work in that same shop and i still monitor everything that comes out of my mouth because im terrified i might sound stupid. there were times i had, and those times still haunt me not to do so again. its really tough trying to be open and not sound like an idiot.

 this issue is terrible for trying to meet new people, for example like at the bar. i go with friends and we have a good time but every time usually i see a incredible girl there and i have absolute no confidence to go and talk to her because my issue gets worse with a few drinks in me. i really start to overthink everything i might say and that is when the stuttering starts. oh boy is the stuttering bad when i start to think of things to say. i can start but it starts to sound like a b-b-beat to a song trying to get the word out. so now i dont even try. it makes sure my relationship stays single for sure. i get so mad at it because of instead of having a potential great conversation, i never take the chance. i see my one friend can talk to 10 girls a night and he always gets a number to continue it later and im just sitting there like "wow this is a pretty average drink for $8", while a twiddle my thumbs waiting to leave because i just dont feel like i fit in. parties were never for me either, at parties i literally just hang out near my friends and follow them around. sure i had fun at times but it was the same outcome every time, "i dont feel like i belong", "when is it 6am so i can head home?". 

 being the way i am, is avoiding answering phone calls from numbers i dont know because i dont know who it is and i dont have anything planned to say, not applying to better job positions because i cant sit through a interview because i dont want to sound like an idiot knowing they are judging me on everything i say. i mean i dont even answer certain Facebook messages from people I KNOW simply because i havent talked to them in while and i cant figure out why the hell they would message me in the first place. I HATE MYSELF. but until i can figure out how to act in public with people i dont know, i will keep calm, quiet, insecure, and carry on. 

[sikereviewdotcom]

magic school bus - flexes its muscles (s1e15) review

ok so i wasnt sure what id watch today i had to find something just to chill and review but honestly watching this show was a terrible idea i mean it 

it was the most boring watch ive had and not because its bad but if youre over 8 honestly it is

w/e i watched it and im gonna review the hell out of this as i always do lets begin with why the 15th episode of the first season? very simple: the title, a natural basic choice "flexes its muscles" we all can see in our mind a flashback on a certain song concerning muscles and trucks as the title flashes on the screen oh yea mama i feel very at ease rn like timmy sitting in front of his tv a good old tuesday morning before school with that lil bowl of cereal except timmy is mute and makes up all they say on the shows so everything is his own he stole the rights from the voice actors and the plot along its cartoons (c) timmy now boys

so wats it about? ralphie being a loser as always, actually ive never watched any other episode but the tone he talks in gives him the loser etiquette after all he does throw a tantrum when his robot didnt work for the second time theyre all stupid, all of these characters are stupid and i have no idea how old they are anyhow yea ralph wanna have a robot to do his chores because everyone else is having fun while he has to do them because hes often late or w/e something like that now from now on we either side with the bitch girl

or the fat boy

thats probably how she qualifies him but yea you have to make a choice because there will be some serious competition: theyre betting because after ralphie runs to everyone shouting about making a robot she goes all "haha you cant do it, stupid" and quite a few other especially that one lil blue sweatered guy jesus hes bad yea like even the old guy from after that will be all "nah" at his bully-joke except he aint a bully, none of them are now why is she a bitch? because she said if he loses the bet he cannot play any sport game anymore and only do the chores wtf how does she even have that kind of authority? how old are they? no shes just a classmate, ralph dont be a pushover now well he isnt because he goes all "haha fuck you itll work im THE GREAT FUCKING RALPHIE AND MY 40 THIEVES-BOT" > “full of himself” is the exact word to describe him 

so after that teachah goes all "hey sup lol ive totally not heard you but lets all go inside the bus we have a full day!! wow!! im totally not gonna drive yall to a shop in which you can build a robot as i distract the grandpa ive been flirting with for years but let hanging on for decades waiting for his soon-to-be death when obvs hes all over me and im all over him but its a kid show and im not sure the public is ready for our intense wacky elderly passionate tension, nope nothing pegi 16 not even close its pg 13 actually but you wouldnt be allowed to watch the show then because if youre over 13 youre probably not gonna watch anymore of this, babies cant handle our hot old romcom nah" so yea theyre in a workbodyshop smthg next

this episode really revolves around the body and its structure, in the most basic way you have no idea how basic it went its the basics of basicness like the bases of every bases i havent learned anything and even if i were 8 i still wouldnt not have learned anything its probably a 6 yo focused show idk guys i was really questionned either id give it a final shot but yea, still it sucked, but i understand for a 6yo they may pick up the fact that they have bones and muscles and wow thats how you move now ill say the cybernetic aspect of how they build a robot is pretty weak, no explanations as to how the robot suddenly moves because ok you got the joints, structure and everything all figured out but.. what about everything else? what does this robot run on? stupidness? is it? because it goes apeshit

totally unexcepted this is a very basic formula: kids want robot to do chores, kids make it (somehow), robot turns against kids the end: you cant make robots without them turning evil also its the 90s wtf are you on? robots? wow? no brah thats future bs were not doing that anyway meanwhile the teacher was lying and saying the school bus is broken btw just straight up made her grandpacrush work for nothing for a buncha hours but eh look at her

i wouldnt trust her with my child, this face was an artistic choice so it says it all ok? so wassup next? robot be beaten by ralphie ass (who won the bet btw if youre on team bitch im not entirely sorry for you but because picking a team was a bad choice i was team nerd with glasses all along, yknow the ginger one?)

he seemed smarter than the others but also ended up disappointing me, everyone did and yet my exceptations werent high, my standards are pretty high but damn i tried to make an effort for this one, not specially surprising, is it? i guess i really did grow up since i was 6, huh

the end is this btw:

everyone was thinking the same as i did:

"stop flexing, we have no right to flex this episode was so blank the robot got more character development than anyone else"  

yep that happened

in conclusion? final rating? this is worth a big 3/10, not suitable for older than 7 y/o thats pretty much the limit really this close to not being entertaining if youre 7yo but chances are they exist, honestly it could be for older peeps but what do i know? i am making a global thing here, just painting the magic board so we can all (majority its a democracy) agree on something the animation is  kinda fine slash good for a show in the 90s? ig? and you CAN pick a things up if youre very young or have never been to primary school which is both very unlikely yet also sad if so

in the end: i do not recommand it there is nothing to be seen move along

obama tg, out

[lavieendonna]

Brushwork || Art Major!Calum AU (Chapter 13)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA -  makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the entire year learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 4 August 2017 Requested: surprisingly yes like half a millennia ago  Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words: 4K Warnings: a little bit of self-esteem issues and some body image negativity in the beginning, but the rest is quite fluffy and calum-y goodness.  A/N: don’t ask me how long ago this was meant to be up cuz i can guarantee none of us were alive. IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE and i apologise in advance cuz the next one will probably be late too. I hope the content makes up for it though, this is one of my favourite chapters so far and I can’t wait to write more. PLEASE let me know what you think and KEEP REQUESTING THE NEXT PARTS ! It helps me write to know people are still reading :) big love x 

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Chapter 13: If Calum Touched Me Again I Would Go Into Cardiac Arrest And He’d Have To Explain To Polly And My Sister That My Heart Couldn’t Take The Feeling Of His Skin On Mine So I Chose To Succumb to Death Instead.

I felt him slide into the bed behind me. I wasn’t sure I was completely awake yet, or at least, I didn’t think I was. But I couldn’t mistake his warmth for anybody else’s, there was no way that was ever going to be possible.

“Dallas…” His voice was a whisper, and even though I was on some other plane of existence, I could still feel the slight smirk on his lips as his arms snaked around my waist and shoulders and he pulled me to him, bowing his frame to match mine as his mouth pressed against the skin of my bare shoulder. “Wake up, Sunshine…”

His lips peppered the lightest of kisses along what flesh of my shoulders and neck he could reach at that angle and for a moment I contemplated continuing to dance on the edge of consciousness just so I could feel him adore me in his own time a little more. I could never imagine what went through his mind when I wasn’t around. Part of me wished I was facing him, nose to nose, so that I could glimpse through my lashes at what his face might have looked like when he watched me when I wasn’t looking.

But I understood that some of these moments, they were his to have. I wasn’t meant to memorise every expression he had no matter how much I longed too.

With a deep breath, I cracked my eyes open and gazed over my shoulder with squinted, sleepy eyes and a lazy grin.

“Morning to you, too.” I mumbled in my less-cute, raspy morning voice. I felt a chuckle rumble deep in his chest, and the feeling made me want to press my heart up against his. I shifted in his arms, burrowing myself deeper into his arms so our chests were pressed tight against one another. I glanced up through my lashes and he was looking down on me already with the hint of smirk and the ghost of some mischievous thought deep set in chocolate brown eyes.

“Is this okay?” He whispered to me, almost like he was teasing me. I cocked a sleepy eyebrow, and just as I opened my mouth to ask what he meant he leaned in and covered my lips with his own.

They were exactly like I remembered them.

And they also weren’t real.

I opened my eyes for real this time and I was sweating from head to toe. It was late winter and I felt like I had heat stroke. I sighed, trying to stop the hyperventilating, and sat up to bury my face in my hands. It wasn’t like the dream I’d just escaped was a nightmare or anything and yet here I was, heart racing like it was. Don’t ask me why, because I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to.

When fished out my phone from the depths of my bed covers to check the time, I groaned when I realised that it was only just past six in the morning. It was too late to go back to sleep and too early to really do anything productive. But I felt lazy and lethargic – I’d been holed up in my room for nearly three days coming out only to take a dump every 12 hours. And while usually that was, like, a dream scenario for me, this time it didn’t make me feel overly good about myself. After the Wedding Incident™ I was relieved to spend that entire week wallowing in self-pity and hiding from everyone in existence. This time, though I still wanted to be invisible to society, the self-pity thing wasn’t doing much for me.

With a huff, I decided to do something I almost never did on my own out of fear of death and no one noticing. I pulled on a pair of black leggings that clung to my legs like a second skin, threw on an old baggy grey t-shirt and unearthed my bright green Adidas sneakers from the depths of my laundry pile under the bed and stared at myself in the mirror.

I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks, I’d forgotten what I looked like in my version of work-out clothes. I pulled the grey fabric of my shirt close to my frame, bunching it up behind my back and I cringed. I looked like a dickhead. I looked like a dickhead who needed to go to the gym. My thighs were bigger than usual and my love handles were more than pronounced without my Spanx on. I didn’t even want to think about the pudge that was supposedly my stomach now so I let my shirt go angrily, grabbed my phone and earphones and the loose change from my trinket tray and stormed out of my room and the apartment.

I decided (upon the realisation that I was too broke to actually go to the gym) that a nice long run to push the limits would help me release the tension and anger I had that was making my body feel so heavy and idle and stuck. I was stuck on how to feel about the situation I’d found myself in; angry that Polly had to be so brash and unapologetic. I was angry that my Mum didn’t understand me, and that Calum wasn’t home when I woke up. I was angry that this all had to happen to me – and me specifically – because I was perfectly fine flying under the radar. I was as perfectly fine as I could be just being Dallas Noel James with minimal-to-no complications.

By the time I had realised how truly furious I was I had worked up a sprint. I had no idea where I was going or how far I’d gone – it seemed like I’d been running for hours. My chest was heaving and my face was red. I could feel the sweat sticking to my skin and drenching the t-shirt on my back. I smelt terrible an I was getting a wicked migraine from not drinking any water (or even bringing any to begin with). But for some reason the burn was comforting me more than any friend or family member I had could have.

I finally slowed to a stop in the middle of a deserted and some-what-dark park. There were a couple of street lamps on, but the first light of sun was just visible behind the trees that surrounded me. I was heaving, a lot more than I was this morning, and the skin from my neck up felt red. My thighs burned and I had a stitch where my liver was probably meant to be. But I felt lighter – for a minute.

“Dallas?”

God, every time I heard my name it made me want to throw up. Or die.

I stopped attempting to stretch and turned around slowly to find no one else by the boy with the brown puppy dog eyes.

“I didn’t know you ran.” He said plainly and while I wasn’t really offended, I raised my eyebrows at the boy to see the panic rise in his eyes and drown any surprise that was lurking there. “Oh, I didn’t mean – No, Dallas, I mean… uh. That’s. I’m sorry. That was… that did sound like that in my head.” Calum cringed and I let myself force out a quite huff of a chuckle.

“It’s okay.” I laughed. “Um, I don’t run. Usually.” I explained. “Not in public anyway. I just didn’t have enough money for the gym this morning.” Calum wandered over with a sheepish smile, his black stretched out singlet willowing in the crisp morning breeze and making him seem skinner than usual. He wore a pair of baggy shorts, too, and (surprise) black Reebok’s.

“I didn’t know you went to the gym, either.” He was a bit cheekier with that line and I quirked an eyebrow at him. “You just didn’t seem the type!” He defended himself, palms in the air like he was surrendering.

“I guess not.” I laughed again and then I felt the familiar awkward feeling settle in my stomach when the small talk came to a lull and I was left standing there on the brink of death while Calum just watched me. I watched him back, but still. I didn’t think I looked like I was thinking a million things all at once.

“How’ve you been? Polly said you’ve been upset.” Calum finally said and I watched the playfulness leave his eyes and instead of making me panic it made me… sigh.

“Did she, now?” I said, pursing my lips and looking away from Calum’s face, hand on the back of my neck as I tried to ignore the sweat that was there that made my insides squirm. “Is that all she had to say?” When I glanced back at Calum he was frowning a little, lips turned down as he gave a small shrug.

“I mean, I guess.” He didn’t seem sure about that. “She said she hadn’t really seen you in a couple days. Reckons that meant you were upset.” Calum suddenly looked worried he’d said the wrong thing. I didn’t like seeing him so unsure, it tugged on my heartstrings more than usual and it was an uncomfortable feeling. So, I chuckled, and though it didn’t relieve much of the tension, Calum seemed to even out his breathing a little bit.

“Polly isn’t always right, you know.” I said very pointedly. “I’m fine, I’ve just been… busy?” I cringed. I started that sentence off so well but half-way through I realised I didn’t really have a good enough excuse to have been holed up in my room for so long, and then it sort of just came out like a question. It was Calum’s turn to cock his eyebrow at me unbelievingly and I tensed under his gaze, my cheeks flaring pink for a new reason now.

“Busy?” He questioned me and I gave a deathly slow nod, brain still running blank for anything to save me from my myself. “Are you sure?”

I didn’t say anything and just started to walk back in the direction I’d come from. Calum followed along beside me, naturally, saying nothing, naturally, and waiting for me to decide when I was ready to talk. I wasn’t, really, but the longer we spent walking in silence (apart from my erratic breathing mixing in with the wind) the more uncomfortable I got. I had to say something or it was going to eat me alive and I’d probably end up falling apart in Calum’s arms for a third time and I was worried that if Calum touched me again I would go into cardiac arrest and he’d have to explain to Polly and my sister that my heart couldn’t take the feeling of his skin on mine so I chose to succumb to death instead. I’d embarrassed myself enough for one lifetime.

“I, um.” I tried to clear my throat but it didn’t work too well and I ended up choking on my breath and coughing up a lung. Calum offered me his water and I took it graciously, careful not to let our fingers touch. “Thanks.” He chuckled lightly as I handed back the blue bottle.

“You were saying?” He smiled gently. I wanted to die just from that look, it was so cute.

“I – yeah.” I took a deep breath. “I just, um. I needed some time to think.” Was what I come up with and, without jinxing it, I was actually kind of proud of my honesty. “It was a crazy weekend.” I watched from the corner of my eye as Calum nodded with a slight smirk twitching on his lips.

“I heard.” He said, managing hold in his laughter I could see threatening to spill musically from pink lips. “Tequila and pizza party, huh?” He side-eyed me and I gave an uncomfortable, clearly embarrassed titter. I coughed lightly again, sheepish, and Calum sniggered.

“Yeah…” I mumbled. “After…. everything… Polly and Ashton wanted to relax and show me how we’d done.” There was a small lull in the conversation as Calum and I both thought back to that night and how I’d ended up a sobbing mess in his bed in the middle of the night. I cringed at the memory and when I looked back up at Calum, the playfulness in his eyes had died and he looked positively worried. Guilty, even, but mostly afraid. Of what, who knew. I was under the impression he was a modern-day Hercules and wasn’t afraid of anything.

“You didn’t like the photos?” He asked and my eyes widened.

“What? No.” I accidentally yelled. “I mean, no, I-I did.” My mouth gaped like a fish as I tried to recover that sentence. The look in Calum’s eyes hadn’t changed – in fact I think I’d just made it worse – and I desperately needed to change that.

“I didn’t mean that. Of course, I liked them.” I said slower. “I loved them.” Slowly, Calum looked less hurt and more… concerned. His eyebrow twitched as he was trying to piece together everything that happened with everything I’d just said. Part of me wished he wouldn’t – there was so much about that night that I didn’t remember, but I remembered enough that I didn’t want to relive any of it either.

“So what happened?” He asked. “Why… why were you so upset?” I tried to play it off.

“I’m an emotional drunk?” I said with a hopeful smile and a shrug. Calum didn’t fall for it, he just gave me a sidelong look. I sighed. “Sorry.”

“Why do you do that?” Calum was frowning now, not necessarily in a disappointed way, just in a confused way. “Every time someone tries to get into your head and ask if you’re okay you play it off like it doesn’t matter.”

“Because it doesn’t!” I gave a dark, unintentional laugh into the open air around us. The sun had come up from behind the trees behind us, now, but even with the rays hitting our backs I still shivered. “It doesn’t matter why I get upset because there are bigger problems in the world.” I looked Calum dead in the eyes this time, because that was the truth and he was never going to believe me if I didn’t look him in the eyes for longer than a millisecond. “I don’t like feeling full of myself. And if I get over it and stop feeling sorry for myself then maybe there’s a chance social demise won’t be my thing for much longer.”

Saying it all out loud, repeating Ashton and Polly’s words, hurt. And it made me want to start running all over again.

Calum’s fingers brushed mine ever so slightly and when I didn’t immediately recoil from his touch, Calum intertwined his fingers with mine. My heart rate sky rocketed, but I was surprisingly cool about it (apart from the fact that I couldn’t stop staring at our hands and wondering if maybe the gaps in his hands were meant for mine to fill them).

“It does matter.” He told me, and it wasn’t quiet or careful or even remotely like he was feeling sorry for me at all. “But just because you don’t want to be upset anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to feel anything.”

I didn’t look at him when he spoke or even after. I just let him squeeze my hand gently for a moment and then when I was ready, I let it go.

“I’ll race you to the McDonald’s at the end of the street.” I said and took off without letting him agree. He yelled out after me and called me a bitch through a loud laugh and I laughed back and just pumped my arms and prayed that maybe I’d be better than Calum at something. I had no idea what possessed me to think that I could beat Calum at anything let alone at running. He was this athletic God and this was the first time I’d been running in – well, I didn’t even know how long.

It was inevitable that Calum would not only beat me, but have ordered us breakfast already (I gave up when he breezed passed me two seconds but also again when I tripped over my own feet and fell flat on my face).

“Here.” Calum was still laughing after I told him what happened. I scowled as I took the napkins he’d gone and gotten for me and pressed one to the gash on my cheek and balled another in my fist to stop the bleeding on my palm. “How’s your knee?”

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes but a smile twitched on my lips even though the bruise on my knee throbbed at the mention of it. Calum laughed one more time before gesturing for me to move the napkin from my face. I did as I was told and watched Calum inspect the wound as if he knew what he was looking at from a completely medical perspective.

“This is your fault, you know.” I told him very matter-of-factly. His eyes widened but they didn’t meet mind.

“In what world?!” He wailed at me and I winced when he started dabbing a fresh napkin to the now-slowing bleeding on my face a little too roughly, over the table even though it probably wasn’t overly comfortable for him.

“In the world that if you’d left me alone this morning and finished your run on your own without me!” Calum rolled his eyes and offered me a challenging look.

“Yeah, cuz that’s such a polite thing to do.” He deadpanned, and I cocked my eyebrow at him in my own challenge.

“Yeah, and in what world do you care about being polite?” I smirked. I was sure I had him now. Yes, the sweet, sweet taste of Revenge Sass™.

“Hey,” Calum’s eyes were playful again, but there was something else there deep set in his eyes that I couldn’t quite recognise. “I like to be polite to the girls I like.”  

Calum took back his hand and the napkin as if he hadn’t just said the words that would be the cause of my death. I was suddenly finding it hard to breath, especially as Calum left at the sound of the girl behind the counter calling out our number.

Be it hopeful (or maybe in my case, fearful) thinking, or just a case of complete dumbass-ery, I could only think of one thing Calum could have meant by the words girls that he liked. And I was dumbfounded and almost horrified because there was no way I could have fallen into that category.

I mean, sure, we’d established some grounds that we were friends and he’d have to like me to some extent for either of us to be able to admit that. But, like. It was me. He was Calum. Did he like me? Like, like-like, me? Like that?

I was having a brain aneurism trying to figure I out, and by the time Calum returned with the try of warm food, hot coffee and he was already talking about something else.

“Anyway,” He sat down and started to divide the food. He’d gotten two of everything – two breakfast muffins, two sets of hot cakes, to coffees and two juices (and two hashbrowns each!). I probably wasn’t going to finish it all, but I would try if it meant Calum would talk to me a little longer.  “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

“Uh, okay.” I busied my mouth with my muffin so I wouldn’t say something dumb.

“About the other night.”

“Uh. Okay?”

“When you were in my bed.”

“Yeah, alright, don’t remind me.” I shuddered. That was the first time someone had said the actual words out loud. They sounded… unlike me. But Calum laughed at my reaction and continued talking like I’d said nothing.

“You left something behind that night.” I was already praying it wasn’t my underwear. “I found your sketch book on my desk the next morning, after you’d left.” And I was officially fucked. Calum’s grin spread from ear to ear. “Dallas, your work, those pieces are incredible!” He was so excited. “I mean, I knew you were talented but holy shit.” He was talking with his mouth full and I was smiling sheepishly, uncomfortably, and my stomach wasn’t ready for this information after the last thing he’d said. I didn’t even realise that my book was missing, let alone that Calum had it. I really felt like I was going into cardiac arrest now – or maybe I was having a stroke. Who knows.

“Uh.” I sipped at my coffee, welcoming the almost burnt taste despite burnt coffee being one of my least favourite things. “Yeah, thanks… It, um. Yeah, I work really hard on those.”

Despite everything, I couldn’t pretend hearing Calum say that didn’t feel even a little good.

“I can tell.” He nodded. “I had a thought, and I wanna run it passed you.”

I looked at Calum, saying nothing and just watching as the brown eyed boy collected his thoughts and rearranged the words in his mouth. I watched and waited and part of me was curious about what he had to say. The other part was afraid, because I had a feeling I knew where this was going.

“I wanna use your latest drawings for the mural. I want to use the ballet dancer, paint her as a figurine or a music box or something, and then have her fall apart piece by piece and then put back together in a different pose. I’ve drawn up a rough sketch based on your drawings back home, but what do you think?”

It went where I thought it would, and I was less afraid than I thought I would be. Truth had it, that’s what the ballerina drawings were for. Not that exact design that Calum had described, but when I was drawing her I was thinking about how much time ballet dancers spent trying to be the embodiment of perfection and how even their mistakes looked more elegant when they didn’t call them mistakes and instead just found… peace.

I didn’t need to see Calum’s rough sketch to know that I wanted to go ahead with his design. So that’s what I said.

“I’m in.” I said with a grin. “Yeah, that sounds perfect. Let’s do it.” Calum’s grin stayed lopsided and happy.

“Will you be the ballerina?” He asked, eyes hopeful and excited. I blinked at him, a little blankly and not too sure what he meant.

“Huh?” I asked over my coffee. “What do you mean?”

“Can we paint the ballerina… well, can she look like you?” He clarified and I felt both flattered and embarrassed.

“Oh.” I mumbled out some weird inhuman murmur that weren’t really words at all. “Oh, no, I don’t – um. That’s probably not a good idea.” I chuckled and Calum just looked at me longingly.

“Why not?” He smiled, trying to encourage me to change my mind, I think. “You did really well at the shoot, the photos are beautiful.” I blushed again from the neck up. But instead of stuttering I cleared my throat and shrugged.

“We’ll see.” I said and Calum grinned again, tucking into his hotcakes more chipper than before.

“I have one more question.” He told me after a few minutes of comfortable silence. I looked up, sipping at my juice through the straw and putting the cup back down.

“What’s that?”

“Luke’s singing at this low key open mic night thing Friday night and he asked for some moral support.” Calum cleared his throat. “Do you… I dunno, do you wanna maybe come with me?” I nodded slowly, thinking.

“Yeah, I mean,” I shrugged again. “If Luke wants me there, sure.” Calum chuckled.

“Uh, right.” He just about snorted, he was trying so hard not to laugh. “Well the thing is, I want you there.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Like a date?” I asked. Calum smiled.

“Yeah.” He said. “Yeah, let’s call it a date.”

[nu-blessed]

🤔 Can you share what is your favorite thing about each nu'est boys? (Something like: his voice, eyes, something about them that make you love them even more; in my case: I love JR's eyes when smiles 😍, The way Minhyun looks at JR...)

Aw bless this is a such a cute ask, thank you my love. Well I love a lotta things about them so this might be long lol

Ren- The way he cherishes each love deeply. Despite being the most recognizable member until recently, he never became vain. He always makes awareness posts about human tragedy which has happened (e.g. sewol) and you can tell he cares deeply about it, he is very empathetic. His flirting with fans and cheesy romantic lines always make me happy!

When some interviewers are rude and misgender him by calling him a women/ saying he looks like a girl, he only says “Thank You” with a serious face, despite being the babied maknae he is super brave when it comes to dealing with hate. He fearlessly pushes gender boundaries and I love him for it! But deep down hes still insecure so we need to look after him. My favourite feature of his are his heart shaped lips.

Aron- I bias ot5 put ive been exposed for fangirling Aron the most by fellow loves many times lol. I love that he gave up his place of the prestigious NYU just to follow his dream. He went alone to Korea at 17 without knowing the language, so he was super brave. I love how he’s the Hyung but doesn't act like it lol he doesn’t see the age difference between him and the other 4. I love his cringey Aegyo. I love how his main reason for doing this is his fans, and how he remembers every love who listened to his radio show.

 His voice is very distinct and stable live I love how it sounds I wish he got more lines. Lastly, these 5 months have been hard yet Aron did well, he knew fans wanted him to step up more. And his Instagram post after his hiatus was very emotional to me, he promised he would work harder for us, and I 100% believe him. Despite being the least known member right now, he still will work hard in the future. My favourite feature of his is his cute little nose and thick eyebrows. 

Baekho- THIS GUY LOVES FOOD AND AINT AFRAID TO SHOW IT. His voice?? er?? so strong?? so powerful?? is it even real??. I love how blunt he is, he says want he thinks, and he isnt afraid to make stupid puns even when the members roll their eyes lol.  Baekho is the backbone of NU’EST truely. He has AMAZING compositional skills (composed Canvas and Q IS with Bumzu and members) and his ears are sharp AF (when he called ‘avengers’out for doubling). When his dad got ill with Leukemia he stayed strong. When he had vocal surgery he also stayed strong. He is a very strong person who is also a puppy on the inside with the most ADDICTIVELY cute laugh. Even through this terrible period when he’s being attacked by so many people, I will protect him. He is strong and will make it through it.

My favourite feature of his are his sexy thighs!

Minhyun- I MISS YOU BBY PLS COME BACK HOME- what . . . er I mean Minhyun is a literal prince. A TRUE VISUAL. He is graceful in everything he does and yet has the soul of an old ajumma raising 4 kids alone lol. I love how he looks after the members like their mother (bc they became trainees so young and moved away from home) and is constantly making sure the members are OK. I like how he is clean and organised. I like his eye for knowing how to create a balanced group, his eye for talent, as shown on pd101. I love how crazily optimistic he is. Even when NU’EST were in hell he was always looking on the bright side and NEVER giving up on NU’ESTs dream. His work ethic is CRAZY he will work did his body gives out and he collapses tbh. He will work until everything is PERFECT. I love how despite being in Wanna One Minhyun is loyal to NU’EST.

My favourite feature are his small hands, fox eyes and bright red ears.

JR- Oh God. Where do I even start? This boy is truly the nation's Leader. I love how despite having to shoulder the hardships of the other members probably took all the blame from their failure from Pledis, he still never ONCE complained. I love how he starting searching for his dream (and his father’s dream) at 13 (pledis first ever male trainee) and even now at 22, he has not given up on it! As shown on pd101 he puts other before himself, teaches others even if that means sacrificing himself. He has seen so much misery and pain as leader of NU’EST, yet he stuck with it for 5 years, and now things are looking brighter. I love how he gives 500% always (first one to wake up in pd101)

I love how innocent he is. I love his unique high voice lol. I love his emotional, intense and powerful lyrics and rapping ability. I love his amazing dance skills which he got into Pledis for in the first place (b-boying).

I love how he will always protect the NU’EST members with his entire being. I love how much he cherishes and deeply loves each member and would do anything for them. I love how he wears his heart on his sleeve and how emotional he is. I love the fact that he is such a ridiculously hard-working, beautiful, sincere and talented person he is my main inspiration in life.

My favourite features are his aegyo, eyes that shine like diamonds and his skin.

IM SORRY ITS SO LONG I JUST GOT EMOTIONAL I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS OK. I AM OT5 TRASH.

Got these boys deserve the world I promise loves will make it up to them!! First win is on its way and more success will follow.

God knows I love NU’EST will all my heart, it's been years and it hasn't changed, I will stick with them forever