#i mean it was inspired by an adele song so what else would you expect??

[hufflepuff-morganne]

someone like you: maxwell x mc

okay so I was jamming to adele on the way to work a few days ago and thought of this?? this is the first time I’ve written fan fiction so I don’t really know what I’m doing, but like Brad (daniel radcliffe) from SNL said, “I tried and therefore no one should criticize me!” Hope you all enjoy this!

Rose hasn’t been back to Cordonia since the day after the Coronation Ball three years ago, but today is a very special occasion. It’s Hana’s wedding day and she is the maid of honor.

It is also the day that she will see him again. Her heart suddenly dropped. She has heard bits and pieces about his life from her friends, but she hasn’t seen him since the night of the Coronation Ball. The night he shattered her heart. She had been willing risk everything to be with him and she thought he felt the same way. She was wrong.

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During the competition, she told him that she was falling for someone else. She swore she saw a glimmer of joy in those sweet blue eyes of his before he put on his mask again and insisted that she was there for the prince.

The night before the Coronation Ball, he came to her room to do some last-minute preparations for the event. He was wearing his classic, chipper Maxwell smile, but she could tell he was stressed. Unfortunately, what she had to tell him was probably going to give him a mini heart attack. She told him that she told Liam to pick someone else. He freaked out and started pacing back and forth, rambling about how Bertrand was going to kill him and how they could still fix this situation. She calmed him by gently putting her hand on his face. The tension immediately left his body. She looked straight into his eyes and said, “Maxwell, I’m falling for you.”

He was frozen, torn between his responsibility to his family and his love for her. Suddenly, he pressed his mouth to hers with passion she had never felt before. Her hands tangled in his hair and she pulled him closer. She couldn’t get enough of him. He stopped for a moment and before she could complain, he took a deep breath, looked into her eyes and said, “Rose, I’m falling for you too.”

He picked her up and carried her over to the bed. They spent the night together, and it was more than everything she had imagined. She woke up with her arms wrapped around him not wanting to let go. Her head was resting on his warm chest when she looked up at him.

“Good morning, little blossom,” he whispered.

God, she’d never been so happy in her life. But she didn’t know that this was going to end as quickly as it had begun.

That night they danced together at the ball like there were no worries or cares, because there weren’t anymore. Everything was perfect. She asked him to sneak out with her later for a cronut run and he agreed.

She could tell right away that something was wrong when she saw him standing outside the pastry shop. To anyone else, he looked like he always did, but she could see that he was wearing that same mask that he had worn throughout the whole competition.

“Hey Rose! Ready for cronuts?” he asked.

“My answer to that question will always be yes,” she replied.

They got one of every kind of cronut they had because they couldn’t decide. They walked down the boardwalk with their bag of cronuts and she looked at him. Why did he look so anxious? Suddenly, he stopped.

“Rose, we should talk,” he said, not meeting her eyes.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked.

“We can’t do this,” he said.

His voice was shaking.

“What are you talking about? Liam chose another suitor and he’s happy. What else is standing in our way?” she asked.

She knew what the reason was, but she needed to hear him say it.

He started to give an excusing saying, “It’s just best for both of us if we go back to our normal lives. You have your whole life in New York and –“

“I don’t care about my life in New York. I can build a life anywhere as long as it’s with you. Are you going to tell me the real reason?” she snapped.

He took a deep breath and said, “I have to think about what’s best for House Beaumont.”

Her heart dropped to her stomach. She knew exactly what he was saying. He couldn’t marry a common waitress from New York with no connections. It had probably come from Bertrand, but it still felt like a punch to her gut. She expected Bertrand to view her like that, but she never thought Maxwell would too.

“So Bertrand found out about us? He doesn’t approve of you being with some commoner from New York? Why do you listen to everything he says?” she yelled.

He was silent, looking at the ground not wanting to admit that she was right.

“Don’t we deserve to give this a chance?” she asked quietly, tears starting to drop down her face.

“You deserve everything, but I can’t give that to you. The rules are different for me –“ he began, trying to explain himself again.

She interrupted and said, “that’s not true, you’re just too scared to take a chance on us.”

“Rose, I need you to know that this was real for me. I wasn’t pretending when I was with you. In fact, the only time I could let my guard down and be myself was with you. I feel so real when I’m with you. You mean everything to me,” he said with desperation.

She could see the helplessness in his eyes. He was so desperate for her to believe him, and she mostly did. She believed that what they had was real and that he felt like he didn’t have a choice, but he was wrong. He did have a choice and he was choosing wrong. If she really meant everything to him though, this wouldn’t be happening.

“If that were true, we would be together,” she replied coldly.

There were tears in his eyes. It hurt her to see him like this, but he couldn’t expect her to comfort him when he was the one who was crushing her heart.  

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice still shaking.

“Me too,” she said.

That was the last time she saw him. She went to the palace and packed her bags right away. The plan was for Maxwell to fly back with her to New York, but she couldn’t face him again.

She stopped by Hana’s room to say goodbye because she couldn’t leave her best friend without a goodbye. Hana could tell something was wrong, but Rose put on her tough face and told Hana she would call her when she landed and tell her everything. They promised to keep in touch and Hana gave her a tight hug and whispered, “Everything is going to be okay.”

Rose let a tear fall down her face and managed to choke out, “Thanks, Hana.”

Then she disappeared into the night, leaving the place she thought was going to become her home. Leaving the person who felt like home.

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The wedding was so beautiful. Hana and her wife Grace looked absolutely stunning and everything had gone perfectly. Now it was time for Rose to dance her worries away. When she saw Maxwell, her heart dropped, but she took a deep breath. She could do this. She couldn’t help but notice that he seemed to be standing on the sideline of the dance floor which was not how she remembered him. When they had gone to that bar on Drake’s birthday, he danced his little heart out. Now he just looked…cautious?

Drake was resisting her attempts to get him to dance when Maxwell finally walked over to them.

“Lady Rose, may I have the honor of this waltz?” Maxwell asked with a small smile on his face.

“It is I who would be honored,” she replied, remembering the first time they waltzed together.

They began to dance together, but they could both feel the tension between them. As she twirled, he drew her closer and she said, “Isn’t this a little scandalous for the ballroom?”

He drew her in even closer and whispered in her ear, “Meet me tonight at the boardwalk.”

After the waltz was over, she walked back over to Drake.

“Everything okay, Monroe?” he asked.

Her heart was pounding. She didn’t know if it was a good idea to meet Maxwell tonight, but she knew she was going to do it anyway.

“Everything is fine,” she lied.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

She walked down to the end of the boardwalk and saw him waiting there. He smiled softly when he saw her.

“You showed up!”

“I did. And you brought cronuts!!”

“Of course! There were more but, you know…”

“You ate them.”

“You know me too well.”

They sat there peacefully eating cronuts for a moment before he spoke.

“So…how have you been?”

She didn’t want to be super honest about how much of a wreck she was after she got back to New York, but she didn’t want to lie either because he would see right through her. Plus, she still had her pride, right? She decided on a half-truth.

“I’m doing great! I’ve been pretty busy with work lately. I finally got my foot in the door at National Geographic. I’ve been a photographer for a lot of smaller stories, but they love my work and I’m actually about to start a pretty big project in a few weeks.”

“That’s so great, Rose! I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks. So… how about yourself? I hear you’re married now!”

“Yeah, I met Lily a couple years ago. Bertrand set us up because she is of House Elswood and he thought it would be beneficial for our family if I was with someone like her. I figured it would be a total disaster, because you know how Bertrand is. He cares about influence and money more than anything else. I expected her to be some snooty noble, but it turns out she is really cool and she was actually just as reluctant to be set up as I was. We just got married a few months ago.”

“I guess she gave you things I couldn’t give to you.” 

So much for playing it cool.

“Rose, I—“

“—had to think about what was best for House Beaumont. Yeah, I remember what you said that night.”

She turned her face so he couldn’t see her eyes begin to fill with tears. She calmed herself. He does not get her tears.

“I was hoping you’d see my face and realize it wasn’t over…not for me anyway.”

“Rose, I can’t.”

“I know.”

And they sat together in silence for a while, thinking about what-ifs.

They got up to walk away and she gave him one last hug. This time she knew it was going to be the last one, so she tried her best to memorize everything about it. How her face felt against his chest. How warm he was. How his arms felt tightly wrapped around her. And finally, they said goodbye and went their separate ways.

Never mind I’ll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you two

Don’t forget me, I beg

I’ll remember you said,

“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”

[d-criss-news]

20 Questions With Darren Criss: How Acting Has Helped Him Make New Music

While Darren Criss has graced our TV screens with a range of characters, from high schooler Blaine Anderson on Glee to serial killer Andrew Cunanan on The Assassination of Gianni Versace, he was last spotted just being himself, on our For You Page on TikTok. “I’m walking to rehearsal with a guitar on my back with a Trader Joe’s bag ... I did not bring an umbrella because I forgot that it was raining. I’m rocking that NYC musician life,” the Glee alum explained in the hilarious clip posted three days ago.

While Criss’ acting work has earned him acclaim and stardom, he leaned into making music during the pandemic. On Aug. 20, he dropped a new EP, Masquerade, featuring five new tracks that Criss says were inspired by the different characters Criss has embraced throughout his career. After Criss wrote songs for his musical comedy web series Royalties and Apple TV+’s animated sitcom Central Park before the pandemic struck the United States, he then used those experiences as a precursor to his new EP. As Criss continues to promote his new music, he answered 20 of Billboard's questions – giving us a peek into how his new EP came together, and how growing up in San Fransisco shaped him as an actor, singer and all-around artist.

1. What inspired your latest project, Masquerade?

Although I would have preferred that it come at a far less grim cost, I finally had the time. Before the pandemic, I had written 10 new songs for my show Royalties -- along with an original song for Disney and another for Apple’s Central Park. These were all assignments in which I was writing for a certain scenario and character. Go figure. It was the most music I had ever written in a calendar year. This really emboldened me to rethink how I made my own music— to start putting a focus on “character creation” in my songs, rather than personal reflection. The latter was not proving to be as productive. The alchemy of having this time and having set a new intention with my own songwriting and producing made me put on a few of my favorite masques and throw myself a Masquerade.

2. How do you think your background as an actor complements your music?

They are one and the same to me. I treat acting roles like musical pieces— dialogue is like scoring a melody; there’s pace, dynamics, cadence, tone. Physical characterization is like producing -- zeroing in on the bass line, deciding on the kick pattern. Vocal characterization is like choosing the right sonic experience, choosing the most effective snare sound, and mixing the high end or low end. It goes without saying that it works in the complete opposite direction. Making each song is taking on a different role literally and employing the use of different masques to maximize the effectiveness of the particular story being told.

3. On Instagram  you wrote that “Masquerade is a small collection of the variety of musical masques that have always inspired me.” Which track do you identify with most in your real life?

Everybody absorbs songs differently. Some key into the lyrics, some into the melody, some the production, some into vocal performance. When I listen to songs, I consider all of their value on totally different scales. So it’s hard to say if there’s any track I “identify” with more than any others, since I -- by nature -- identify with all of them. I think I just identify with certain aspects more than others. If it helps for a more interesting answer, I will say I enjoy the slightly more classical, playful -- dare I say -- more Broadway-leaning wordplay of “Walk of Shame,” but that’s just talking about lyricism. I enjoy the attitude of “F*kn Around,” the batsh--t musicality of “I Can’t Dance,” the relentless grooves of “Let’s” and “For A Night Like This.” All have different ingredients I really enjoy having an excuse to dive into.

4. What’s the first piece of music that you bought for yourself, and what was the medium?

Beatles audio cassettes: “Help” and “Hard Day’s Night.” I just listened on repeat on a tape-playing Walkman until my brother and I got a stereo for our room with a CD player in it, which was  when I just bought the same two albums again, but this time as compact discs.

5. What was the first concert you saw?It’s hard to say, because my parents took us to a lot of classical concerts when we were small. But I guess this question usually refers to what was the first concert you went to on your own volition, and that my friend, was definitely Warped Tour ’01. My brother and I went on our own— two teenagers going to their first music festival, in the golden age of that particular genre and culture. It was f--king incredible.

6. What did your parents do for a living when you were a kid?

My dad was in private banking and advised really, really wealthy people on how to handle their money. My mom was, by choice, a stay-at-home mom, but in reality, she was my dad’s consigliere. They discussed absolutely everything together. They were a real team, and I saw that every single day in the house. They both had a background in finance (That’s how they met in the first place.) and were incredibly skilled at all the hardcore adulting things that I absolutely suck at. They were total finance wizards together. So of course, instead of becoming an accountant, I picked up playing the guitar and ran as far I could with it. Luckily, they were all about it.

7. What was your favorite homecooked meal growing up?

My dad was an incredible chef. For special occasions, I’d request his crab cakes. They were unreal. I’ve never had a crab cake anywhere in the world that was good as my dad’s.

8. Who made you realize you could be an artist full-time?

I don’t know if I’ve actually realized that yet.

9. What’s at the top of your professional bucket list?

The specifics change every day, but the core idea at the top is to continue being consistently inconsistent with my choices, and to keep getting audiences to constantly reconsider their consideration of me. But I mean, sure, what performer doesn’t want to play Coachella? What songwriter doesn’t want to have Adele sing one of their songs? What actor doesn’t want to be in a Wes Anderson film?

10.  How did your hometown/city shape who you are?

San Francisco. I mean, come on. I was really lucky. The older I get, the more grateful I am for just being born and raised there. It’s an incredibly diverse, culturally rich, colorful, inclusive, vibrant city. By the time I was born, it had served as a beacon for millions of creative, out-of-the-box thinkers to gather and thrive. I grew up around that. The combination of that with having parents, who were unbelievably supportive of the arts themselves, laid an incredibly fortunate foundation to consider the life of an artist as a legitimately viable option. It’s a foundation that I am supremely aware is not the case for millions of young artists around the world. I was absurdly lucky.

11.  What’s the last song you listened to?

I mean probably one of mine, but not by choice. I know, lame. But I’m promoting a new EP, what’d you expect? But if you wanna know what I’ve been listening to, as far as new s--t is concerned: a lot of Lizzy McAlpine, Remi Wolf, and Charlie Burg.

12.  If you could see any artist in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?

The Beatles is an obvious "yeah, duh." Sammy Davis, Mel Tormé, or of course, Nat King Cole. I would’ve loved to see Howard Ashman give a lecture on his creative process and his body of work.

13. What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen happen in the crowd of one of your sets?

I feel like just having a crowd at all, at any one of my sets, is pretty wild enough.

14. What’s your karaoke go-to?

The real answer to this I’ll write into a book one day, because I have a lot to say about karaoke etiquette. I have two options here: I can either name a song that I like to sing for me, for fun, or I can name a song that really gets the group going. The answer depends on what kind of karaoke night we’re dealing with here. So I will say, after I’ve selected a ton of songs that services a decent enough party vibe for everyone else, then I would do one for me, and that would be the Beatles’ “Oh! Darling.”

15. What’s one thing your most devoted fans don’t know about you?

What I have up my sleeve.

16. What TV show did you binge-watch over the past year?

Dave is a stroke of genius. There are episodes that I believe are bona fide masterpieces. Also, My Brilliant Friend is a masterclass in cinematic television.

17. What movie, or song, always makes you cry?

It’s A Wonderful Life.

18. What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

Get used to sharing everything about yourself and your life now, or more astutely, to the idea that you don’t necessarily get to control how your life is shared. I know it’s not really your thing, but you’re gonna have to get used to it, so start building up those calluses now. And don’t worry, all the stuff you love now will be cool again in your mid-thirties, so keep some of those clothes because you’ll be a full-blown fashion icon if you just keep wearing exactly what you’re wearing. Oh nd also, put money into Apple and Facebook.

19.  What new hobby did you take on in the last year?

I’ve always been a linguaphile. My idea of leisure time is getting to study or review other languages. This past year, I took the time to finally dive into learning how to read, write, and speak Japanese. Other than making music, it was one of the biggest components of my 2020-2021.

20. What do you hope to accomplish or experience by the end of 2021?

I hope I get to play live shows again.

[letshideoutandread]

24 songs for Kate Sharma and Anthony Bridgerton

for @lizzibennet. surprise! thank you for all the content you create <3

1. Bundle of Joy by Michael Giacchino (just think about the fact that both kate and anthony are children born of pure love and yet both for some reason denied it from themselves for so long????? idiots)

2. The Best Day by Taylor Swift (both of them have daddy issues. so)

3. Everything Else from Next to Normal (VERY obsessive anthony vibes here. mozart was crazy and so is he)

4. Sola by Jessie Reyes (okay this is in spanish and i encourage you to look up the translated lyrics and think about kate. the pre-chorus: “i’m not the type of woman that your mom wants to see you with. i’m lacking in so many other things, and so many others fail me. i could never please you.” HELLLOOOOOOO????? )

5. 20 Something by SZA (both their 20s suck tbh)

6. Being Alive by Steven Sondheim (I ALREADY WENT OVER THIS WITH @lizzibennet THIS IS THE ANTHEM BOYS)

7. Starting to Get To You by Jensen McRae (just such a specifically applicable song??? and jensen is so so good. her lyrics drive me consistently insane??? also “she took your crown but she can’t hurt you now. i will lay my weapons down.” tell me you’re not thinking of siena and kate and the impacts they had on anthony’s perception of love)

8. It’s Nice to Have a Friend by Taylor Swift (modern au childhood best friend vibes im just saying)

9. Don’t Make It Harder On Me by Chloe x Halle (so many of these songs past this point are just “please stop being so you or i will fall in love”. anthony’s “you have to STOP “ meet chloe’s “I need you to STOP”)

10. Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here by Deborah Cox (YEAH)

11. Pink in the Night by Mitski (YUP)

12. To Be So Lonely by Harry Styles (“and i’m just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry. don’t call me baby again…” like hi anthony didn’t know you ghostwrote for harry styles)

13. I Didn’t Mean To Fall In Love by Snoh Aalegra (self explanatory. also groovy)

14. To Know Him Is To Love Him by Amy Winehouse (cry)

15. Garden (Say It Like Dat) by SZA (“YOU’LL NEVER LOVE ME, BUT I BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT” LIKEEEEEEEE PLEASE THIS ONE IS PERFECT FOR KATE)

16. Love Affair by UMI (another not very widey known song that’s surprisingly applicable here. inspired by anthony’s “wanting to run away with you” line because it’s so sweet and so overlooked. so here’s a sweet often overlooked one song for that)

17. Hold Out by Aly & AJ (again just another really sweet song about what it means to be vulnerable and depend on someone else. learn to let people catch you when you deel like you’re falling. hyper-independent older siblings im looking at y’all)

18. Same Team by Labrinth and Steffon Don (super fun super groovy super romantic)

19. Romantic Flight by John Powell (literally this is from the How to Train Your Dragon score. i don’t know why it’s on here. it’s romantic and it belongs.)

20. To Be Loved by Adele (opening yourself up to love is so scary but so worth it and this song is all about that. this one reminds me most of violet more than anyone else tbh and that makes it so much more heartbreaking)

21. Slow Dancing by Aly & AJ (aj michalka and her husband wrote this about being separated in recent years due to COVID and just listen. think about kate and anthony dancing the days of their marriage away and dreaming of doing so when they’re apart. its about the YEARNING. and the SAXOPHONE.)

22. Bound To You from Burlesque (listen to the first verse and think of them and don’t cry i dare you)

23. Rather Die Young by Beyoncé (FULL CIRCLE PEOPLE. anthony “i can’t let anyone love me because i’m destined to die young” bridgerton is a fucking idiot. anthony “i would rather die young than live my life without kate” is a fucking icon)

24. Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine (yeah it’s the wedding song from twilight what did you expect)

im unable to make this into something linkable, but feel free!

[petersasteria]

Rumor Has It - Tom Holland (High School AU)

Pairing:  Jock!Tom x Musical!Reader, BFF!Haz x Reader

This is my entry for @t-holland2080‘s writing challenge, but since I took a writing break from here, I didn't write it. The prompt was an Adele related quote and tbf, I've had this idea for about a month. So, I thought of mixing them up together. I've been re-watching Glee. Hence, the high school au and the Glee inspired stuff throughout this one shot.

Prompt: "You're so dramatic." "That's rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song."

Add yourself to my taglist if you’re cool x

5.3k words omg lmao hope y’all enjoy I guess

Part 2

* * * *

Rumors. No one liked them, but every day there seemed to be a rumor made up by someone. Rumors tear other people down in a lot of ways. The idea of lies spreading everywhere wasn't ideal for everyone, yet people seem to really believe them. No one knows who starts a new rumor and no one knows how they come up with it. Rumors are basically the outcome of a person's creativity put into terrible, terrible use.

Last week, someone spread a rumor about you getting your lips fixed even though you didn't. Whoever said it was clearly false, because you wouldn't want to put your talent at risk even though it wouldn't really affect your voice.

The rumors had different themes every week. Last week, it was all about someone getting any part of their body changed. This week, however, was all about break ups. Of course, your relationship with Tom wasn't spared by that rumor.

You were dating a popular guy. Of course they'll be rumors about you two breaking up. Only this time, it felt real.

Everyday you felt like Tom was slipping away from you and you didn't want that. You didn't want your favorite person out of your life yet. You've only been dating for a year and a half and you actually planned to have a future with him. You were sure.

You already had everything planned out. You were moving to New York to pursue your Broadway dreams and Tom would move with you. Both of you were applying for colleges there and you were so excited.

You were settling with him. The only question you asked yourself every night was: 'Is Tom settling for me too?' You weren't stupid, though. You knew you were losing him to the captain of the cheer leading squad. How cliché, right? He would always talk about her, he would talk to her, walk her to class and go as far as comparing her to you. It hurt. What hurt most was that he didn't even notice he was doing all of those things.

"So what'll you do with the whole Tom and what's-her-name thing?" Harrison asked you when you both entered the glee club's classroom. "I know this week's rumor is all about break ups and shit. I don't even know why rumors have themes but it is what it is, I guess. But anyway, I heard from Lauren who heard from Samantha who heard from Dylan who heard from Adam that Tom was leaving you for her."

You sighed and shook your head, "Let's not talk about it, okay? But I'm expecting that he'll break up with me soon. I mean, I won't be surprised because the rumors of our break up are beginning to come true."

"Just know that no matter what happens, I'm here for you." Harrison smiled as both of you took your seat. You looked at him and smiled as you took his hand in yours and squeezed it. It was your way of saying thank you.

This week's glee club assignment was to sing an Adele song and you loved it. You loved Adele. Her songs held so much angst and you live for it. Sometimes, you thought that Adele was taking over your life because some of her songs matched every situation in your life.

Out of all of Adele's songs, you didn't know what to sing. Thankfully, Tom helped you out by breaking up with you the next day over the phone.

"Tom, we had plans for New York!" You pleaded.

Tom rolled his eyes and huffed, "Those are YOUR plans! If you want to move to New York so much, then move there with your loser best friend, Harvey!"

"His name is Harrison-"

"I don't fucking care. Move there with him if you want to move there so much. I want to move to L.A. I don't fit in at New York, Y/N." Tom sighed. "We both want different things and with her, it's different in a good way. We both want the same things and I can see myself having a great future with her."

"What about me?" You asked softly.

"What about you?" Tom furrowed his eyebrows. He just wanted to end the conversation already because he was preparing to get ready for a date.

"A-At some point, " You started. "Did you ever see yourself having a great future with me?"

Tom paused for a second and thought about it. Did he? Sure, he loved you at some point and he cared about you. He didn't know when he stopped. But he knew that he still cared about you. You were his first real girlfriend.

"I, uh, honestly? Of course I did. We've been together for a year and a half and I loved you and cared about you. Please don't doubt that." Tom answered.

"Well, what does she have that I don't?" You questioned even though you wished he wouldn't answer it because it would hurt you.

"She's all the things you're not, Y/N." Tom said. "She's not too focused on her career. She's not too competitive and she doesn't sing show tunes all the fucking time."

You stayed quiet as tears streamed down your face. 'So that's what he thinks of me.' You thought to yourself.

"Look, Y/N. I'm really really sorry." Tom said through the phone as you cried your eyes out. "I loved you. I really did, but I don't love you anymore. There's someone-"

"There's someone else. I know. It's the cheer leading captain." You cried. "I get it, though. She has everything that I don't have and it makes sense how you'd go after a girl like her because both of you are perfect for each other. But just remember that there's one thing I can do that she can't."

"What's that?"

"She can't love you like I can. But you're willing to throw that away so goodbye, Thomas." You sniffed and wiped your tears away with your free hand.

"Bye, Y/N. Don't be a stra-"

You quickly hung up and cried. You hastily called Harrison and he went to your house as soon as he could with post-break up items. When he arrived, he ran straight to your room and you pulled him in for a hug.

"He's an asshole, I swear!" Harrison said as he pulled away and put the stuff he brought on your bed. You wiped your tears and looked at it, "What the hell is that?"

"It's a post-break up kit that I made." Harrison proudly said. "I know it's a little big than a usual kit but I don't know what else to call it. Inside, there's a bottle of wine, some popcorn, chips and a ton of flyers from different pizza places all stapled together for when you want to buy some pizza."

"That's so thoughtful of you." You chuckled. "What made you do this?"

"Well, my sister had her first ever heartbreak a few months back and as her older brother, it's my job to make sure she gets treated the way men should treat her. Then my cousin got heartbroken and I gave her a post-break up kit too. She told me it works." Harrison smiled. "You're my third customer, y'know. I refuse to let my favorite girl get heartbroken over some guy."

"Hey, he's not just some guy." You argued as you peeked inside the post-break up kit.

"Fine. He's not." Harrison said as he got the stapled flyers from the kit. "He may not be just some guy for you, but you're just some girl for him. I don't want my best friend to be just some girl. In fact, I don't want the girls in my life; my mum, my sister, my cousin, my niece when she grows up or who else, become just 'some girl' to some guy who can't appreciate what they have. All of you are special and you all deserve to feel special because all of you are amazing." He looked at you as you sat down on your bed. He sat next to you.

"I'm sorry if it sounded harsh, but you deserve the truth and the truth always hurts. I'm just keeping it real with you." He added.

You sighed, "I just- I miss being his, y'know? I miss being his girl, his everything and all that."

Harrison scoffed and shook his head, "In case you didn't know, you haven't been his girl ever since he started looking at what's-her-name's way. You haven't been his girl ever since he didn't walk you home. You haven't been his girl when he didn't pick you up after glee club meetings and you haven't been his girl when when started comparing her to you."

"You deserve better than that, Y/N. I know it's not my place to say anything at all, but you should've left him when he started slipping away because that's when it usually starts." Harrison said and suddenly the wall started to look interesting to him. "They start slipping away but you stay because you believe that they'll come to their senses and come back. But they don't. Then you blame yourself for not being good enough when they leave you. It's always like that. So, if you ever feel like someone's slipping away from you, just leave and make your life easier."

"I don't know what to say except you're right." You nodded. "Also, you're so dramatic." You chuckled as you looked at each other.

Harrison playfully rolled his eyes and smiled, "That's rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song."

"Speaking of Adele, I know what to sing for the glee club assignment." You said as you took out the bottle of wine from the kit Harrison gave you.

"And what song would that be?" Harrison asked.

"Someone Like You." You said as you stood up and walked out of your room to get two glasses for your wine.

When you left, Harrison said to himself, "Huh. Queen shit right there. I love that fucking song. Now, I don't know what to fucking sing for the assignment."

You came back in the room and Harrison said, "I'll order us pizza."

"Okay. Thanks." You smiled.

When Monday came, it was hard to look at Tom because he was with that girl he left you for. Lucky for you, Harrison was there and never left your side. When the time for glee club came, you told your teacher that you were ready to sing your song.

"I heard that you settled down, that you found a girl and you're married now." You sang beautifully and everyone was in awe. Especially Harrison. It was at that moment that he knew he liked you and that he'll do anything for you.

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." You ended the song and smiled as everyone clapped. You went back to your seat next to Harrison and he smiled at you.

"You were great." Harrison grinned. "I think you'll do just fine without Tom."

You smiled at him and didn't say anything. Eventually, he was right. You were able to move on from Tom after two weeks of moping around for him. You realized you didn't want to waste your time in moping around for some guy who left you for someone else. Great stars became great stars when they were single.

Rumors. Rumors spread everywhere and they spread all the time. This week's theme of rumors were about new couples. Of course, Tom and that other girl were being talked about. They were the new 'it couple'. Rumors about you and Harrison dating were being surfaced. Of course, you didn't confirm nor deny them. No one should really care whether you two were together or not.

The truth was, you only went out on a couple of dates which you both enjoyed. You and Harrison weren't official yet, though. You were taking it slow.

On the flip side, Tom was bothered that you seemed to have forgotten all about him. He thought you would beg for him and he was kind of hurt that you didn't beg for him. It hurt his ego.

So when you were alone one day, Tom approached you when he saw you putting your things in your locker. "Hey Y/N." Tom smiled at you.

You looked at him and raised an eyebrow at him. It was weird that he spoke to you at all after the break up. He was the one who broke up with you over the phone and it confused you that he was talking to you. "Um, what do you want?" You asked.

"Ouch. Is that how you talk to the love of your life?" Tom put a hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt.

You rolled your eyes and closed your locker as you clutched your book tighter, "You haven't been the love of my life for, like, two weeks now. Get over yourself, Holland. If you're to ask help in studying, I won't help you. That's what your girlfriend is for. You told me that she's all the things I'm not. So, I assume that she's smarter than me."

Tom was about to talk when Harrison interrupted and looked between you and Tom, "What's going on here?"

You've never been more relieved in your life. You smiled at Harrison and shook your head, "Nothing important."

Harrison nodded and turned to you, "C'mon! I promised I'd take you out for lunch today."

You grinned, "Oh, right!"

"You'd love the place, I swear!" He offered his hand to you and you happily grabbed it.

"Bye, Thomas." You smiled politely before Harrison dragged you out of school. You laughed causing Harrison to laugh too.

Tom watched both of you leave the school premises and frowned. You've never rejected him before. He kind of always expected you to choose him all the time above all circumstances and he was surprised that you didn't. What did Harrison have that he didn't? He knew it was kind of silly to react this way, but he wasn't used to it. Right now, he hated Harrison for changing you. He never really had a problem with Harrison before, but right now Harrison was his enemy because he stole you away from him.

Tom had been acting weird around you lately and you wanted to file a restraining order, but Harrison said it was too much. At this point, you've been going out on dates with Harrison two months now. Both of you wanted to make it official, but both of you didn't know that.

"I'm sorry I can't attend glee club today and walk you home." Harrison said guiltily. You shook your head and said, "Haz, it's alright. Your family is important and tell Charlotte I said good luck."

Harrison smiled, "I will. Don't enjoy glee club too much without me."

"Trust me when I tell you that I won't enjoy it all without you. You make my glee club experience easier and more fun." You looked at him and tucked your hair behind your ear.

Harrison laughed and shook his head, "Oh, I could just kiss you right now!"

Your jaw dropped and his eyes widened in realization. You looked at each other and he spoke up, "Uh, forget I said anything."

"Did you mean it?" You asked. Harrison sighed and nodded. You smiled and said, "Kiss me, then."

"But I thought we were taking it slow? I don't want to force you in any-"

"Shut up and kiss me, Haz! We've been going on dates for two months now. I think it's time we make it official." You chuckled. "So if you want to kiss me so bad, go ahead, Osterfield. I dare you."

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Fuck yeah!”

He smirked and leaned in to place a sweet kiss on your lips. You kissed back and smiled through the kiss. Both of you pulled away and blushed.

"Okay, Charlotte will kill me if I'm late to watch her performance. I'll text you, okay?" Harrison held your hand and placed a kiss on it. "See you tomorrow!"

"Okay. Tell me all about it." You grinned as you watched him leave the school. You turned around to walk to the glee club's room and bumped into Tom.

"Where's your best friend? I don't see him around." Tom said as he put his hands in his pockets.

"My BOYFRIEND just left. He had to leave to watch his sister's performance at school." You told him and went around him to leave. Tom grabbed your wrist and you sighed, "What now, Thomas? Isn't Madison going to be jealous or something? I really don't have time for drama in my life."

"Leave Harrison. I want to be with you again." Tom blurted out and you laughed, "Sure, you do. Bye now." He let go of your wrist and you walked away and went to glee club.

It's been three days since that encounter with Tom and Harrison wasn't pleased with what happened. You assured him that you wouldn't leave him for Tom no matter what happens. You and Harrison have been rehearsing non-stop for sectionals with the rest of your glee club and today's the day that you'll perform.

All of you were backstage getting ready and Tom made his way to you. He huffed and he saw you kissing Harrison so he cleared his throat causing both of you to pull away. Harrison glared at Tom, but he didn't want to start a fight. He was better than that.

Harrison pecked your lips and said, "I'll check with Mike, okay?"

You smiled and nodded. He left and you looked at Tom with your arms crossed, "What're you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you perform. It's a big crowd out there." Tom chuckled as he handed you a bouquet of flowers. "These are for you."

You took them and set it on the vanity, "Thanks. You never came to any of my performances so why are you really here?"

"I came to watch you perform. I realized that I haven't really been supportive of you when we were dating and I wanted that to change. And if you liked New York so much, I'm willing to do long distance and I could visit you whenever I can." Tom explained.

"It's too late for that, don't you think?" You laughed. "Besides, we don't match. L.A. screams your name and New York screams mine. New York also screams Harrison's name and we already agreed that we'd move there together. You have Madison now and you're the one who broke up with me, Tom. Not the other way around."

"I know, but I'm leaving her for you. I'm planning to." Tom said.

"What the hell is your goal here? You came all this way to tell me this?" You asked. You were annoyed and kind of pissed. You just wanted to perform now, but the fifteen minute intermission was taking too long to end.

He shrugged, "Well, yeah. I know that once you leave him for me, you'll be all over me and we could be happy again. Then maybe I could convince you to move to L.A. instead of New York. Broadway is dead, anyway. You could audition for tv or movie roles and-"

"No, Tom!" You hissed. "Broadway is my calling. I've been preparing my whole life for Broadway and you can't take that away from me. If you want to move to L.A., that's on you. Don't drag me into it and I won't leave him for you. If leaving your partner for someone else is your cup of tea, then leave me out of it. I can't do that to Harrison. He's amazing and we're moving to New York together and that’s final."

"Show time, everyone!" a voice called out. You looked at Tom and said, "You're welcome to stay and watch, but don't bother me and Haz anymore. You don't get to do that after you've made up your mind on leaving me for Madison."

You walked to your glee club members and put on a smile. You refuse to let Tom's presence distract you. After all, you were performing with Harrison and you were finally getting the solo you deserved. It was your time to shine indeed. Nothing can ruin it for you.

Tom left and went back to his seat. As soon as he sat down, a familiar tune started to play and your clear and beautiful voice was heard in the whole venue. Tom was glad that his seat was on the third row from the stage and he was able to watch you properly. This was his first time seeing you perform and he wanted to make the most of it.

"Times have changed and we've often rewound the clock. Since the Puritans got a shock when they landed on Plymouth Rock." You sang as you stood on the center of the stage with your other glee club members still standing on the side of the stage, waiting for their cue to enter.

"If today," Your eyes met Tom and he gave you a smile and a small thumbs up. You stayed in character, though and paid no mind to him which he didn't take personally. The rest of the club marched on stage and went to their positions.

"Any shock they should try to stem 'stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock would land on them." You pointed at the audience with a smile.

You glanced at Harrison and you both shared a small smile before you looked back at the audience for all of you to sing, "In olden days, a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now, God knows... Anything goes!"

"Good authors, too, who once knew better words, now only use four letter words writing prose... Anything goes!" You sang and dance with Harrison as your partner, of course. As part of the choreography, you slightly pushed Harrison away and pointed at him, "Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you."

You stood at the side as everyone sang the "no, you're not" part while you sang the "yes, I am" part of the song. All of you danced beautifully when the instrumental part of the song came and everyone clapped and cheered. You were preparing yourself for the high note as everyone sang the ensemble part.

"I can hold any note longer than you." You sang as you walked to the center of the stage while everyone still danced behind you.

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can. Yes, I..." You sang and held the note. You've been practicing it for weeks and you were glad that you pulled it off really well. Your voice was loud, clear, and powerful and it overpowered your fellow glee club members' voices.

You took a deep breath for the climax of the song, "Yes, I can!"

Tom was the first one to stand up and cheer as soon as the song ended. The rest of the audience followed. All of them sat down when all the girls left the stage for the boys to do their performance. You sneakily kissed Harrison on the cheek for good luck and Tom saw it and he was admittedly jealous. He couldn't believe that he thought leaving you for Madison was a good idea.

He wanted to leave then and there, but he wanted to see what you saw in Harrison that made you choose him. The music began and Tom sat comfortably on his seat.

"Boy, boy, crazy boy, Get cool, boy! Got a rocket in your pocket. Keep coolly cool, boy!" Harrison sang as he moved around on stage with the rest of the boys just standing behind him like they rehearsed.

"Don't get hot, 'Cause man, you got some high times ahead. Take it slow and Daddy-O," Harrison looked at Tom and continued, "You can live it up and die in bed!"

Tom glared at him as Harrison continued to sing and dance with the rest of the boys. "That bastard, I swear." Tom mumbled under his breath.

Harrison finished the song with a cool pose. Everyone clapped as Tom rolled his eyes. All the boys ran off the to the side of the stage.

"Good luck." Harrison whispered in your ear before you went out there. All of you girls went on stage to sing 'It's All Over' from Dream Girls. You didn't have the main solo for this one, but you still had a solo. You were singing Beyonce's lines and you were excited. Besides, this was your time to put your acting skills into use.

Mercedes, your main soloist for this song, was doing so well and you were really glad that she got the solo she deserved.

"She ain't better than anybody. She ain't nothing but common!" She sang. You got into character and walked towards her, "Now, who you callin' common you self-indulgent, self-absorbed and unprofessional?"

"You! I'm calling you, I'm calling you, the common piece is knocking off!" Mercedes sang with a raised eyebrow and walked past you. You turned around and walked after her, "Now you listen to me, Miss Blame-It-On-The-World; see I put up with you for much too long."

"I have put up with your bitchin'." You pushed her.

"I've put up with your naggin'." You pushed her again. "And all your screamin' too!"

After a few more lines, it was your solo again, "She had nothing to do with this change. It was you! It was you always thinking of you. Always thinking of you!"

When the song ended, the boys joined the rest of you as all of you formed one straight line on stage with you and Harrison in the middle which annoyed Tom so much, but he didn't react.

You and Harrison looked at each other before looking at the audience. Both of you started the song without music, "Do you hear the people sing lost in the valley of the night? It is the music of the people who are climbing to the light. For the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that never dies. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."

The music started and the rest joined in for the next lines. When all of you harmonized together, you could've sworn you saw someone crying on the first row.

"Tomorrow comes!" You all sang and it gave the audience goosebumps.

When your group was announced as the champion, you were really happy. Tom cheered too. He now understood why you loved glee club. He saw your passion for performing and you were right; New York was screaming your name. Broadway really was for you. He could picture you in two different places, on stage and in his arms. It was cheesy and probably corny, but it was true.

-

Today was the day you and Harrison were moving to New York and you were excited. Both of you got accepted into NYADA and you already bought an apartment together using both of your savings and with some additional help from both of your parents.

Tom knew you were leaving today that’s why he rushed to the airport to catch up with you. He looked around and saw you hugging your parents goodbye with Harrison next to you. He smiled to himself when he was able to get to you on time.

“Y/N!” Tom called out as he ran towards you.

You pulled away from your mom and furrowed your eyebrows when you saw Tom. Harrison wasn’t pleased to see him at all and you were tired of seeing Tom after he tried to get you back multiple times since sectionals.

“Tom, what’re you doing here? I’m leaving.” You frowned at him.

Harrison looked at your parents and his parents and said, “Um, let’s leave them to talk.” He gave you a small smile before walking away with your families. You sighed and crossed your arms as you stared at Tom.

“I know you’re leaving that’s why I’m here.” Tom said. “I wanted to tell you that I won’t stop until I get you back.”

“Tom, I’m with Harrison and I love him too much to leave him. We’ve already planned our future together and you’ll have that too, Tom. Just not with me.” You told him.

“Then I’ll move to New York too and- and I’ll look for jobs there and I’ll study there too. I just- I really, really want to be with you again.” Tom begged. “What do you want me to do?”

“Why are you doing this, anyway? You’ve been like this ever since Harrison and I started going out. What’s your deal?!” You said angrily. “Okay so, what if we got back together again and the same thing happens? I don’t want to go through that, Thomas.”

“It won’t happen again, I swear!”

“How do I know that? Because you said so?! Geez, how fucking assuring!” You scoffed.

“I thought I was the only one you loved. How come you love Harrison all of a sudden?” Tom said sadly.

You rubbed your face and sighed, “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Tom Holland. Trust me. Maybe someday, we can be friends but not now; not when you’re fucking insane. You’re my first love, yes. First loves never really go away, but we do move on from them. I’d really want us to be friends, I really do. I want you and Haz to be friends too, but you’re making it difficult.”

Suddenly, it was announced that your flight was already boarding. You looked at Tom and held both of you hands, “On behalf of me and Harrison, I forgive you for all the times you tried to sabotage our relationship. If only you used all that energy in trying to be friends with me and Haz, then none of this wouldn’t happen and maybe I’d visit you in L.A.”

You pulled him in for a hug and Tom immediately hugged back tighter, “I’ll miss you, Y/N. I really will. I especially missed you when you weren’t with me.”

You lightly chuckled and pulled away, “No matter how much you claim to miss me, you can’t keep coming back to me whenever it’s convenient for you. Goodbye, Tom.”

Harrison walked towards both of you and he nodded at Tom, acknowledging his presence. You waved to your family before leaving with Harrison. Tom looked around and called out, “Hey Y/N!”

You looked at him and waited for him to say something.

“Don’t be a stranger!” Tom shouted and waved goodbye. You smiled at him and waved back. “I won’t!” You shouted back before you and Harrison boarded the plane.

“So, what did he say?” Harrison asked.

“We just said goodbye.” You responded. Harrison pursed his lips and nodded.

“Hey,” You grabbed Harrison’s hand and he looked at you. “I love you.”

He smiled, “I love you too. New York, here we come!”

You giggled as you went to your respective seats. You couldn’t wait to spend your time in New York with Harrison. Your dreams were finally coming true... with the right guy this time.

* * * *

𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland​​​​​​ @poguesholland​​​​​ @superheroesaremytea​​  @marshxx​​​ @ella-whyte @buckys-little-hoe @harryismysunflower

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​​​​​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​​​ @rubberducky-jrr​​​ @petersholland​​​ @osterfieldnholland​​​ @miraclesoflove​​​ @god-knows-what-am-i-doing

+ @greenorangevioletgrass bc musicals x

[electronictimetravelmoose]

Fate - D.W.

Warnings: mentioning of death

Wordcount: ~1.3k

Pairing: Dean Winchester x f!Reader

Song + Lyrics: Adele - Water Under The Bridge

The only thing that I want is your love / Don’t pretend that you don’t want me / Our love ain’t water under the bridge

A/N: This fic got inspired by the song above and I hope you enjoy it.

-------------------------------

Dean and you were teenagers when you fell in love and started dating. It lasted two years which you described as the best of your life. Dean was 19 and you were 16 when you first met on a hunt both of your family were after. Soon you found yourself working alongside him and sparks started to fire up between you and neither of you could hold back. The mutuality that your lifes had were so familiar yet so different at the same time only fueled that fire in your relationship and you called it fate. At least this fate lasted for two years.  Oh you beautiful how much I hate you now… Eight years went by in a flash and you were an adult now, you became maturer since your breakup and grew to not only rely on the people around you but more on yourself than anything else. Then these days came where you would miss the old times and dwell in the memories of your shared past. You felt truly happy back then like hunters never did when they once entered this grim life of putting yourself on the line to protect others from the monsters out of campfire stories. Dean and you would often meet up between hunts to spend time together and you would even hunt together when the possibility came. Even under hard circumstances you would make it through everything together and come out on top, until that one fight. You almost lost your life during a werewolf hunt going south and Dean blamed himself for it. He begged you for hours to drop hunting and settle down somewhere safe with him. You were ready to cave in to his begs and stop but something held you back. One little thing deep inside you couldn’t and you said no. After that night your relationship was over and something did die inside of you. Was this also part of Fate’s plan? Would you still be together if you had agreed? You laid on the bed in a shabby motel room which had a weird smell to it and the only thing that would be able to describe it was decay. If someone got murdered here before, you wouldn’t be surprised and the stains in the carpet oddly fit to that thought. You sighed and sat up. Looking around you saw your bag lying open on the table with clothes sticking out, next to it your laptop facing an almost empty chair except for your jacket hanging over the back of it.  You stood up and walked over to the small table. You closed the laptop and grabbed your jacket while making your way to the door. You needed some food inside of you to think straight again and continue your research. No hunter can complete their job without a full stomach, right? Outside your car awaited you like an old friend and you smiled at the sight of it. A 75er Chevy Camaro in a shining maroon colour was your mothers most prized possession and she loved this car almost more than your father and yourself so when it finally was yours, you made sure it became your most prized belonging as well. You jumped into the driver's seat and started the engine. Another sigh escaped your lips but this time it was one of contentment. It wasn’t a long drive until you found a nice enough looking diner that you pulled up onto the parking spot in front of it. You got out of your car just as an all to familiar Chevy Impala pulled in right next to you. The only thing racing through your mind was an oh no... “(Y/N)? Is that really you?” The voice was so familiar but yet so different from what you remembered. You looked to the side to see not the man you expected but someone you knew just as well in your past. Your face turned into one of surprise and confusion. “Where you always that fucking tall, Sammy?” Sam couldn’t hold back his laughter and bend down to hug you which you gladly accepted.  “How have you been?” “Pretty good actually, I mean there were a lot of ups and downs since I came back into hunting but otherwise good, yeah. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in years.” You could see that Sam was still that excited young boy you met ten years ago. Your heart melted at this familiarity you haven’t had in a while. You gave him a warm smile. “I’ve been alright. Got around a lot thanks to hunting, you know. How is Dean?” You hesitated before saying the man's name. Sam knew about what had happened between you and his older brother but he just smiled and did as he hadn’t noticed your little pause. “He is good, just a bit much in his thoughts lately. Happens every year around the time of your breakup.” So Dean still fought with the past like you did. You gave him a small nod. Sam quickly changed the topic. “I bet you are here because of the shapeshifter as well right? Wanna hunt together? You, Dean, Bobby and me. It will be fun, please.” Suddenly you looked at Sam’s famous and irresistible puppy dog eyes and you shake your head with a sigh, even if you wanted to you couldn’t resist that damn look.  A few days passed and even if the beginning was awkward you and Dean were able to make it through. You were able to laugh and joke around after only two days and spend a long time talking and reconnecting with each other. It almost felt like the last eight years didn’t exist. Maybe fate was stronger than you believed.  Dean and you were standing a few feet away from your cars where Sam and Bobby were loading their stuff into. You both went aside so to say goodbye without having them listen in. “I am happy that we met again and were able to talk.” “So am I, Dean. I loved spending time with you even when it was because of a case. I missed you a lot.” After the last sentence you gave him a soft smile and saw his surprised expression in return. Dean wanted to say something but you cut him off right away. “I was thinking a lot about you and what would have happened if I said yes and I did want to, but it didn’t feel right. I like what I am doing, I like hunting, I did it almost all my life just as you did and back then I felt like you didn’t understand that.” You paused a moment and looked to the side contemplating if you should tell him. “You know Dean it’s been eight years and I… I never stopped loving you and I never will. You were and still are the only one I want.” You looked back up at him to see his reaction. All Dean could do was smile and come closer to you. He carefully put his hand on your cheek and began to speak. “I never stopped loving you either and I know it was wrong to make you choose between me and hunting. I always regretted letting you walk out of my life.” His eyes began to glisten with tears and you suddenly realized that your eyes were watering as well. “Maybe I could walk in again…” You pulled Dean down and kissed him pouring all of the emotions you locked away for so long.  Fate is stronger than you thought.

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Tagging: @satans-bae-and-queen, @hippogreif-joana

[handsofdarkness]

Sharon den Adel interview for RTL.de

RTL: You actually come from the fashion sector, right?

Sharon: Yes, at first I did an apprenticeship in fashion management, but of course I also worked a lot on design. I actually wanted to do design, but I thought that management had more career opportunities. I spent a lot of time with clothes as a child. But then my career changed completely (laughs).

How did you get from fashion to music?

Music has always been my first love. And with the band I had the opportunity to make my own music. But you always need a plan B - and plan B was fashion! And now I can combine that too. I partly create my stage outfits myself or let my ideas flow into them. It would be boring if you always looked the same, because new ideas were always needed. And so I can finally connect my two great loved ones!

Let's talk about your current album "Resist" * Does it mean a new chapter of Within Temptation after a five year break?

Yes, the music has changed a lot in my opinion compared to our previous records. In the intervening years I had a phase when I didn't know where the band was going. I also worked on my solo project "My Indigo", which naturally led to new influences. Back then I really had to leave my comfort zone because I had never released a solo album and I learned a lot in that time. It took a lot of me, and so a new sound developed with the band. More up-tempo, a little more groovy, completely new elements were added to our music. This gave the band a new base. With "Resist" everything feels different and new to me.

"Resist" refers to the resistance to completely engulfing the digital world and having its behavior recorded and monitored on the Internet. Where did the inspiration come from?

In the past, we were very often inspired by what had happened in the past. But of course we found that we are now facing new major problems. A lot of things made me very angry, although of course we live here in a comparatively very comfortable world. And then there is this amount of social media and how people interact with each other there. As a result, so much has changed and so much is happening that I disagree with. And so many people were still in sleep mode, they didn't even notice what was happening there. And I was completely in "Resist" mode (laughs). But in the time we worked on the album and released it, many finally woke up.

Which song on the album means a lot to you personally?

"Raise Your Banner" because for me it's a kind of wake-up call. It's time to stop hiding behind the music as a band. I think, first and foremost, we make music and not politics, but you should express your opinion. As a musician, you have so many expressions. If a president can share his views on Twitter, then we can say what we think. In this way you can stimulate other people to think as an artist. I don't mean giving someone an opinion, but food for thought is important.

Do you plan to continue with your solo project "My Indigo"?

At some point I would like to do that, but at the moment we are so filled with Within Temptation - it's always like a roller coaster ride (laughs). Especially now with the upcoming tour with Evanescence. But if I have time again and everything is a bit more relaxed, I would like to continue with "My Indigo", yes.

You have already worked with various other artists - Jacoby Reddix from Papa Roach, Xzibit, Tarja Turunen ... is there anyone else on your wish list?

Oh, the list is endless (laughs). We work with so many great people, and often we write a song and think about who we could add, who would fit. So that depends on the music.

How did the idea of a tour with Evanescence come about?

I don't even know exactly where it originally came from! We met about two years ago. Evanescence played in the Netherlands and invited us. That was great, of course, because we were always compared, and then it was exciting to see who it was, the people behind the band. And after only five minutes we noticed that we definitely have a connection to each other, we understood each other as well as it rarely happens the first time. I hadn't expected that. I think Amy and I have been thinking about doing something together ever since. But I can no longer say exactly who initiated it. Last year we had a gig together in Switzerland and that turned into the tour.

How would you compare the music of Within Temptation and Evanescence?

There are many parallels, but also many differences. We are both from the "heavy" corner, of course, but Evanescence are American and we are European. And I think that's the difference! The way we make music is different. There is the European sound with us and the American sound with Evanescence. But the music is definitely different. I think the parallels are mainly that both bands have a front woman, our styling is often similar, so of course the comparisons come.

What is special about this tour?

For many fans it is definitely great to see two bands they like in one evening in a nice location. It’s not always there, it’s pretty cool! For example, I remember when Metallica were on tour with Megadeth. Many of my friends were absolutely thrilled!

The tour is called "WORLDS COLLIDE". Which two worlds are meant by this?

Two worlds that are similar on one side, but different. Evanescence from the USA, we from the Netherlands ... and both bands have developed differently. But there are many similar feelings in our music, the drama, epic storytelling etc.

Do both bands inspire each other?

Good question - I can't answer that spontaneously! There are so many inspirations for us and I haven't even asked Amy about them. I have to do it! (Laughs)

Are there any differences between fans in different countries? Are German fans different from others?

Yes, there are actually differences, sometimes even within a country, between north and south. Sometimes people find it more difficult to find their way into the music, to go along with it correctly or to drop it. Others are more open. In Spain, for example, the fans go out of their way, they are very extroverted. It's different in the Netherlands. Here people are more relaxed and calm.

What was the strangest thing that happened to you on a tour so far?

I remember when we first played in Germany at the Mera Luna Festival. We didn't know the festival and we didn't have time to look at the audience before our very early performance. We didn't really know that it was a Goth festival and that everyone was dressed and styled really well. I felt totally underdressed! (Laughs)

Is there a place in the world where you absolutely want to play?

I would love to play in Iceland! It's a country I've never been to and it has to be so beautiful

[peterpparkrr]

(Bucky Barnes x Reader): Water Under the Bridge

Summary: You’re in love with Bucky, but is he not in love with you?

A/N: Pining and angsty angst angst. I apologize. (obviously inspired by Adele’s song Water Under the Bridge)

If you're not the one for me

Then how come I can bring you to your knees

If you're not the one for me

Why do I hate the idea of being free?

You’d thought you were in love with Bucky Barnes. And you had thought Bucky Barnes was in love with you. He was everything you could ever want and you were just what he needed. Yet he seemed to think you weren’t the one for him.

He’d somehow convinced himself he was in love with someone else.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I just don’t feel that way about you,” He’d told you one night as the two of you sat on the floor, looking out the wall of windows in front of you down at the city below.

You’d stared ahead numbly. You couldn’t help but think he was lying. He’d do anything for you, and isn’t that what love is? The only reason the two of you were awake and having a heart to heart on the floor of the living room in the Avenger’s tower was that you’d been having nightmares.

You didn’t want to sleep so Bucky had insisted on staying up with you. You hadn’t asked him too. At first, you hadn’t even been able to admit that you wanted him too. But he had done it anyway. If he didn’t love you, then why were you the only person who could make Bucky do anything?

And why could you not get over him?

And if I'm not the one for you

You've gotta stop holding me the way you do

Oh honey if I'm not the one for you

Why have we been through what we have been through

“Well, I’m going to try and sleep,” You told him quietly as you pushed yourself off of the floor.

He looked up at you curiously before getting to his feet, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I might as well try to get some sleep, otherwise I’m no use to anybody,” You told him dismissively as you started to walk towards your room.

“Well, I’m going to stay with you,” He told you as he trailed after you, “In case you have a nightmare,” He adds, and you can’t help but wonder if he really means that or if it was just an afterthought.

When you get to your room you crawl under your covers and Bucky hesitates slightly as he looks around your room, causing you to sigh, “Just get in,” You tell him as you throw back the covers.

As Bucky gingerly crawls into bed next to you-you can’t help but think to yourself about how this is not the set of circumstances that you expected for when Bucky would be in your bed.

You both shifted around for a few moments in an effort to get comfortable when you felt Bucky’s arms twist around your body, causing you to stiffen slightly as you panic internally.

“Is this alright?” He asks in a low voice.

“Yeah,” You manage to choke out in a whisper.

But you weren’t sure if it was alright. If Bucky didn’t love you, then why was he holding you like this? Why was he holding you at all? You couldn’t help but wonder what you were doing - what he was doing.

You’d been through so much together. Sleepless nights, long, terrible missions, near-death experiences, and because of it all, you had developed a relationship that was unlike anything else you had ever experienced.

It's so cold out here in your wilderness

I want you to be my keeper

But not if you are so reckless

The next morning you woke up and the first thing that you noticed was how cold you were. The bed next to you had clearly been slept in, and as you remembered the events of the previous night it became clear to you that Bucky had left hours ago.

You hated to admit it, but you wanted Bucky to care about you. You were desperate for Bucky to be your person. But he was too careless to realize what he was doing to you. And you knew that it was your own fault.

If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently

Don't pretend that you don't want me

Our love ain't water under the bridge

If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently

Don't pretend that you don't want me

Our love ain't water under the bridge

Say that our love ain't water under the bridge

You got ready and decided to go train. You needed to do something that would take your mind of off things and you knew Bucky hated training in the morning so you thought it would be a safe place for you to let off some steam.

When you got to the training room Steve and Sam were already sparring and Natasha was lifting weights.

“You need a partner?” Natasha asked as she sauntered over to you.

“Sure,” You replied with half a smile, “And don’t go easy on me, I need to take my mind off things,” You added.

Natasha quirked an eyebrow at you but shook her head slightly, “When have I ever gone easy on you?” She asked.

Natasha runs through some new moves that she wants you to try out. Sparring meant that you couldn’t use your powers, and Natasha was the one who was helping you learn hand-to-hand combat. And you were actually doing pretty well. Turns out it’s a lot easier to learn when you’re desperate to get your mind off of something else.

You were supposed to be blocking Natasha’s attacks when out of the corner of your eye you saw him. You knew it was a bad idea to let yourself get distracted, but you couldn’t help yourself, you glanced over. And whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t to see Bucky hand in hand with a girl you had never seen before. And it certainly wasn’t to see him lean down and press a kiss onto her lips.

And the next thing you knew you were on the floor.

“Shit,” Natasha hissed as she rushed over and kneeled down next to you, “You okay?” She asks, clearly concerned.

“Yeah,” you reply breathlessly, “Sorry, I got distracted.”

“Clearly,” Natasha replies as she helps you to your feet, shooting a glance out the window at where Bucky and the other woman are standing in the hallway, looking into the training room at you curiously, “Whatever you two are… you need to figure it out.” She tells you sharply before walking away.

You groaned internally, knowing that if Nat was aware of whatever was going on between you and Bucky, just about everyone else was clued in on it too.

So you did what anyone else would do in that situation and hid in your room. You knew it was pathetic, but if everyone knows about your feelings for Bucky, well then your patheticness was well-known.

What are you waiting for?

You never seem to make it through the door

And who are you hiding from?

It ain't no life to live like you're on the run

Have I ever asked for much?

The only thing that I want is your love

After a day or so you knew that you were probably worrying the rest of the team. But you were too proud to let anyone see just how much you were hurting, and you were too embarrassed by everything to face Bucky.

There was a gentle knock at your door before FRIDAY came over the speaker in your room, “Mr. Barnes requests entry to your room.” She told you matter-of-factly.

“You can unlock it, FRIDAY,” You told the AI wearily before turning around from where you were sitting on the floor next to your bed.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted you as he walked through the door, “I thought maybe you would want some food, Steve made your favorite,” He tells you as he sets the plate down on the foot of your bed before crouching down next to you on the floor.

“Thanks,” You tell him quickly, as you pull the pictures you had strewn all over your floor back into a pile. You’d gone on a trip down memory lane, pictures from your past, of your family, your friends, pictures of your past that seemed like distant dreams to you today.

“Is everything okay?” Bucky asks. His voice is laced with concern, you know he feels bad for you, that he wants to help you, even though he doesn’t really understand what’s going on with you.

You shrug, “Yeah, I’ve just been...thinking about things,” You tell him, trying to be as truthful as possible.

“Can I ask,” You say abruptly as you turn to look at him, “What is it about me? Am I too much?”

“What’s what about you?” Bucky asks lowly, not sure what you’re going on about.

You sigh, “Why can’t you love me?” You ask him quietly.

“(Y/N)...” Bucky mutters lowly, “I love you, you know I do-”

“But you don’t want to be with me, so clearly you’re not in love with me,” You challenge,“You’re the only person I’ve let in, the only person whose let me in. I just want to know what I did wrong.”

“Nothing, (Y/N), you’re amazing, I just-we can’t-the two of us, we would never work,” Bucky tells you, “Can’t you see that? I can’t give you what you want.”

“All I’ve ever wanted is for you to love me.”

“You deserve better than me, (Y/N), and you can’t see it, but someday, you’ll know that I’m right, even if it’s painful for both of us to admit it.” He tells you, “A part of me will always love you (Y/N), I know that doesn’t make it easier, but I need you to know that.”

Say that our love ain't water under the bridge

[hellolittleogre]

Billy Goody Jane Eyre AU

@lazaefair wrote a wonderful not!fic Billy x Goody Jane Eyre AU, which you can find here, and it was amazing and then my brain went but what if Goody was the mad wife in the attic? Because Wide Sargasso Sea is a thing. And then my brain went BOOM and spat this out.

Thank you @lazaefair for the inspiration, it was really fun writing this and I hope you don’t feel like I’m playing all over your sandbox.

The not!fic is under the cut because its a lot.

Soooooooo, it struck be that of course the real touchstone for this would not only be Jane Eyre, but also Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys about Bertha’s life before the attic, and the Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte, about a woman who marries for love but her husband is a abusive and a drunkard.

Goodnight is the rich spoiled son of a Creole family on Jamaica who runs away with his brother to fight in the America civil war (they have family in Louisiana), he admires his brother and has always done what his he did. The brother dies and Goody becomes a celebrated sharpshooter but still comes home a disgrace, fighting for the losing side,  severely traumatised and having made friends with Sam Chisholm a free black man, and with alarming notions about equality and slavery.

The family marries him off to Bouge as quick as they can with a fat dowry and no questions asked. (Same sex marriages exist with the proviso that the leading partner is allowed to have one official mistress in order to have an heir, or the couple can joint decide to adopt a child).

Bouge, a nouveau riche robber baron is at first elated over such a social coup, a status spouse, old money, beauty plus the official allowance to have a mistress in order to get an heir but soon he realises he has been cheated. Once the honeymoon is over and they have settled on his new estate in England he realises the extent of his mistake.

Goody is too frail, too obviously damaged to help him get ahead socially and it's a scandal to have a mad husband, can’t even fulfill his marriage duties because he is so mentally frail (Think pretty vulnerable Ethan Hawke in the mid 90s), Bouge finds this unacceptable.

Goodnight has written letters tightly to Sam during the first year as married, trying to put on a good front (elements of the Tenant of Wildfell hall), too proud to admit mistakes. He tries to have optimism, maybe Bouge will have a child and the act of raising it will bring them together. Surely Goody is just to sensitive to his meanness, tries to be a good partner but Bouge will have none of it.

Then he has a bad period and Bouge locks him away, writes to Sam and tells him Goody has asked him to cease writing it that his emotional state is too easily upset to undertake this task himself.  Sam insists that Goody writes and Bouge gets pretty nasty.

“If you knew how he begged me, your attentions upsets him and you are a constant reminder of his unhappy past. I would not be so I gentlemanly to make further reference to your history but cease this contact, if only for the sake of the one you profess to love so.”

Sam realises he has to play the long game.

Meanwhile Billy has grown up in an orphanage, the son of a woman who came to work as a servant to a British explorer. The man was working and collecting in China, and even managed to gain entry to Joseon, where he took the woman on as houskeeper. When his mother died the man took Billy in out of good will and when he suddenly died too, Billy was bundled along with the rest of his belongings to his family back in England. The family was expecting a white child and are besides themselves when Billy shows up, it might be implied that the explorer had fathered him (he hadn't, Billy had a very loving father who unfortunately also died. If anyone feels all this dying is unrealistic I would please refer you to Elizabeth Gaskell). Billy is pushed off as quick as they can to a school. He is very learned due to the old gentleman and becomes a very good student. When he is grown he advertises as a tutor. The boys home taught him how to fight, he makes two friends a brash Irish boy called Faraday, illegitimate child and Vasquez, nephew of some Spanish noblewoman married to an English lord (everyone’s an orphan! see: Gaskell)

Billy has been working  as a tutor for a while when he meets Bouge, he wants a governess for a little girl but changes his mind when he finds Billy.

Billy is curious as to why,  as it turn out Adele his ward is half Vietnamese, her mother a French-vietnamese dancer who used to be Bouge’s mistress and Bouge figures one Asian is as good as another.

Adele is as vain and silly as she is in the book and Billy kind of loves her. Her airy head has lots of space for learning. She speaks french and english in a charming unselfconscious mix and Billy was worried how they might talk to each other but in the end he finds that his old tutors were right, the language of arithmetic is universal.

She is not Bouge’s daughter, his mistress in Paris left him and he killed her new lover and stole her daughter to torment her. She is now destitute in Paris and he sends her letters now and then to remind her that her daughter is entirely at his mercy.

He tells Adele that her maman is dead,.

Billy hears somebody crying at night. Adele is terrified of the crying ghost but later calms down,  and when Billy asks after a couple of days she says the ghost is telling her fairy stories in French and he's not dangerous, only sad. Billy is kind of bewildered by this. Sees a man spying on him in the library, looks like nobody in the household.

Bouge has come back, Billy startles his horse, and he twists his ankle and Billy has to help him home, Bouge says that he owes him entertainment for being responsible for his incarceration. There is something hungry in how he looks at Billy. Sends for him in the evenings and talk to him.

Taunts Adele, Billy tries telling himself that it is playfully.  “that's how she charmed the money straight out of my pretty pocket”. Pinches her nose and cheeks just a little too hard

Billy is teaching Adele how to fight and Bouge watches them, silent and approving, eyes roving over Billy. Presses him a little. Mentions in passing that he is dependent on him, that without reference he would never be hired again, and then how will he live. No relations and no means?

Flirts a little and makes promises, comes down one evening with his face scratched, “by an owl” but you'd always be sweet to me? It makes Billy smile. It's nice to be wanted.

Billy hears the ghost crying at night, sees a white figure in the hallways.

Then as a cold shower Bouge invites a party of similarly ranked men, McCann and Denali, hints that he might be engaged to McCann. That he might ruin Billy and leave him on the street. Your reputation is in my hands, you can never leave me.

Billy meets the ghost man. Himself and Adele are exploring the garrets when he hears a voice singing a drinking song, they can't decide from where the sound is coming from but Adele is not afraid, it is the Goodnight man, he helps me sleep. He speaks French like maman.

Eventually Billy, pretty stiff with fear at this point though he would never admit it, finds a little crawl space that leads into another stairs and they find Goodnight. (Goody is kept in a room which is bolted not locked from the outside and his nurse often dips into the laudanum and he goes wandering.) He is beautiful and confused, flitting between lucidity and imagination but the more Adele and Billy talks to him the steadier he becomes.

Goodnight are convinced they are figments of his imagination. A little girl as he imagined at the beginning of the marriage. To tell stories to and never never go to war. And their shared features convinced him, Billy and the child with the same dark hair, mere reality could never conjure anything so beautiful.

They meet at night, both of them still not convinced the other is real. Adele calls him The prince in the tower after the story of Richard III nephews and Billy secretly agrees.. Billy wakes up one night to find Goody at the foot of his bed, looking terrible. He startles and goes looking for him. Follows him into Bouge room and finds a candle overturned, saves him from the flames.

Bouge proposes the next day.

Billy accepts, he's tired of being at somebody else's mercy and charity all the time. Bouge is not too unpleasant to look at, his attention is flattering and being a married spouse offers a hell of a lot more protection than he ever thought he would have.  So he accepts.

(Bouge plans to marry him so he can become his legal guardian and force him to be his assassin, plus Billy is hot)

Meets Goody and tells him he is going to stay, and that they will have more time together. Omits to mention that it's because he's getting married. He feels reluctant to tell Goodnight that.

Billy brings wine up one night and becomes terribly drunk and kisses Goodnight. The last little bit of freedom I have left.

Adele tells Bouge about the ghost and Billy tries to downplay it and when Bouge won't be deterred he makes up a story about seeing a woman in white, an interred nun. However it makes Bouge confine Goody more securely and they can't meet anymore. Billy is smart enough to understand he can't let Bouge know he and Goody know each other.

The night before his marriage he hears Goodnight wailing in the tower, like a banshee or a condemned soul.

Sam and Red show up to stop the wedding. Sam has been living in the Indian territories (Bass Reeves!) and befriended him and finally has bided his time enough to come to Europe and track down Goodnight (they have agreed to go on a Grand Tour if it turns out Goody is fine), Bouge tries to say that he is dead but Billy puts two and two together and alerts them of Goodnight in the tower.

“There he is,” Bouge says with disdain, Goodnight white and crouched at the far end of the room, “Who would not change a vulture for a raven? Look at him, so hale and beautiful, who can blame me?”

Red and Sam bring the family lawyer who concludes that its not lawful for Bouge and Billy to be married but equally since Goody must be seen as mentally deficient its perfectly fine for Bouge to keep him locked in the attic. Like y’know, no problem.

Sam and Red tries to resist but are powerless to help, Bouge locks Goody away, very upsetting scenes between Goodnight and Sam, fighting to get to each other.

Goody comes to Billy’s room at night, tells him he has to go, go Bouge plans to do something terrible to him (possibly lock him in the cellar?) Billy doesn’t want to leave but has no choice, Goody refuses to follow him. Without me you have a chance but if I come with you Bouge will never stop hunting us, besides he has the law on his side if he chooses to bring me back while you can go where you chose and have full protection of the law.

Billy flees in the night and ends up on the moors with Faraday and Vasquez, who are living together in a cabin (coincidence!)

They plan to go back and free Goodnight (and Adele) but before that Billy finds out that the explorers family has all died and he is the sole heir, he is now rich enough to take up the fight against Bouge. He hears Goody call for him in the night.

They prepare but as they are travelling back the hear that the whole house has burnt down and the poor madman in the attic perished in the flames. Billy goes over to kill Bouge but instead finds Goodnight, the house (mysteriously!) caught fire (some say they saw a man with a bow and arrow but such talk is nonsense surely?) and Bouge died in the flames. Goodnight was rescued and inherited the lot.

Then they all live together and are disgustingly rich. They send for Adele’s maman and Emma comes to be Adele’s governess.

FIN

[will-work-for-music]

* 2017 ALBUMS OF THE YEAR

two thousand + seventeen birthed fantastic records that found me like friends, over + over again. these masterpieces lead me to people + experiences on adventures far better than i could have dreamed. these collections songs kept me company through the highest highs, the lowest lows + the walking in between of this year marked by hardship + madness, for most of the world. these are the tunes i smiled + screamed + cried + danced to the most, this year. i’m wildly grateful for each artist + the remarkable melody-wrapped memories they’ve gifted me. here’s to the songs that stay. 🖤

loved in no particular order:

* LOVELY LITTLE LONELY - the maine

brilliant + poetic + free. this band has been liberating me since i was seventeen. before lovely little lonely was even born i jumped at the chance to celebrate 10 years of this band of brothers who’ve grown up alongside their family of fans. to truly live the lyric: “let’s fall back in love with the world + who we are + do the things we talked about but never did before..” i’m grateful to the maine for adventures i only ever dreamed + for the soundtrack to them all.. she’s a masterpiece.

* THE SEARCH FOR EVERYTHING - john mayer

“And that ends an era. August ‘14-April ’17. I made this record for *you*. May you hear and see and feel yourself in these songs.” 🌊♥️🌊 - @johnmayer

she’s stunning from beginning to end.. i kept telling everyone this show felt like experiencing a film.. it’s surely safe to say JM has made another stellar, artistic set of songs for the soundtrack of my life. wow, wow, wow.. as he kept saying to us, “thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“[On The search for everything, Mayer] succeeds because he’s not donning a new costume: instead, he’s settling into a groove he can claim as his own, and it feels like he’s at home.” - AllMusic

* HARRY STYLES - harry styles

(on album release day) every once in awhile, a record comes along that surprises you in a great way. as i put it to my best friend, [on release day].. “oops, i think i like harry’s album.” THE cameron crowe recently wrote a truly stunning, intriguing rolling stone cover story with styles as the subject.. (the cover that my mom thought featured “a young mick jagger,” without a clue about the previous week’s SNL sketch, ha). as someone who was never into one direction (sorry, rob sheffield), i likely wouldn’t have given this album a shot, but it’s everything you wouldn’t expect to hear in a “former pop star” solo record. thanks to two of my favorite writers (rob sheffield, who penned the RS review like only he can, + crowe) for encouraging me to see harry for more than the kid from the boy band.. as crowe put it (on the RS music now podcast), “he’s a music geek, in the best way..” his love of classic rock shines through, while still capturing a sound all his own. well done, HS. “from the dining table” + “two ghosts” are early favorites.. which i chose just before ryan adams tweeted it.

Rolling Stone’s Rob Sheffield put HS at number 3 on his 2017 album list: “What a revelation to see Styles live the same week as Paul McCartney – a tutorial on the connection between joy and brilliance. So is this album. The songs are built to last, standing up to months of ridiculously heavy listening. The only rock star who can come on like Macca and Mick at the same time. The only rock star who could earn all six minutes of "Sign of the Times.” The only rock star using his hard-won artistic freedom to craft the kind of hilariously anti-commercial old-school personal statement where every song counts, making big guitar moves everybody else this year was too timid to try. The only rock star who thinks cigarettes in New York are “cheap.” The only rock star.“

* PRISONER - ryan adams

"i think ‘prisoner’ has so much more hope + sensuality in it—to me, it’s liberating. those songs are more a celebration of becoming something as it’s broken apart.”

a note to ryan, as tour came to a close:

i feel the most alive inside of these songs.. the ones that break me open + somehow heal me, all at once. RA, i know this time out on the road stole your health + your joy, at times, but the wonder with which you kept playing was magic to witness. i’m grateful for your pursuit of growth + grace, no matter what comes your way. be it bronchitis, haters or heartbreak, you never let anything keep you down. thank you for not one, but two flawless dates in two sparkling cities on the prisoner tour. rest up + stay weird.. xo

* ONLY THE LONELY - colony house

just shy of two weeks into 2017, franklin, tennessee born + bred band of brothers colony house released a creative, impactful collection of songs for the soul. the rocknroll band’s strong sophomore effort landed them spots in the year’s finest festivals across the country (homegrown pilgrimage fest, chicago’s lollapalooza, new orleans’ voodoo experience). it will be exciting to see where these driving, honest story songs take them in the coming year.

* WONDERFUL WONDERFUL - the killers

the fifth studio album from brandon flowers + co has been called their strongest in over a decade. the frontman said the lead single, “the man,” was written through the lens of what his 20-something self thought it was to be a man..“being tough + bringing home the bacon, when really it’s about being compassionate + empathetic.”

For NME, Flowers shared that the lyrics of the album are “the most personal and bare” that he has ever been: “I’m looking in the mirror on this record and focusing a lot on my own personal experiences. Instead of just drawing upon all these experiences and maybe using them in other songs, I am going straight for it with this and singing about my life and my family and that’s something different for me.” The track “Rut” was inspired by the struggle of Flowers’ wife Tana with PTSD. He said: “Usually I feel protective of her but I decided to take it head on. So 'Rut’ is about her submitting to it. That doesn’t mean that she’s gonna let it beat her, but rather that she’s gonna finally acknowledge that it’s there and promise to break this cycle.” Flowers also added that putting his wife’s battle into a song helped him understand better what she is going through. “Have All the Songs Been Written?” was originally the subject line of an email Brandon Flowers sent to Bono, in the midst of a bout of writer’s block, before the latter suggested it would make an excellent song title.“

'wonderful wonderful’ is altogether driving + poignant + strong, intricately crafted for the artist + his listener.

* METAPHYSICAL - the technicolors

as soon as i experienced the technicolors–friends/labelmates/co-creators of the maine–live, i knew they would be in my life from that day forward. it seemed previous projects couldn’t quite capture the passion + enthusiasm of that short set, so 2017’s "metaphysical” was highly anticipated by many.

the title’s defined as “relating to the transcendent or to a reality beyond what is perceptible to the senses. beyond ordinary experience.” the aptly named project evokes a raw, ethereal energy that draws outside the lines, while remaining true to a rock solid focus. “sweat,” “imposter!” + “congratulations you’re a doll” would be welcome additions to any playlist, however it’s recommended listeners follow the sparkling sonic story from start to finish.

* CONCRETE + GOLD - foo fighters the ninth record from foo fighters is born + it is a freaking force. dave says it’s motörhead meets sgt. pepper’s. i sure do dig the super crunchy guitars + layered vocal melodies. paul mccartney plays drums + justin timberlake sings bgvs, just cause he wanted to + it makes me the happiest human.

“I feel an earthquake coming on,” Dave Grohl sings on “Dirty Water,” a moment of fragile guitar poetry from Foo Fighters’ ninth album. Of course, keeping things steady amid chaos has been one of Grohl’s signature themes since the Foos were born from the wreckage of Nirvana a couple of forevers ago. Musically and emotionally, Concrete and Gold is their most balanced record yet – from stadium-punk dive bombers like “Run” and “La Dee Da” to the acoustic soul that opens “T-Shirt,” in which Grohl gets his Nina Simone on, singing, “I don’t wanna be king/I just wanna sing a love song.” “Sunday Rain” is a guitar weeper so late-Beatles great it even has Paul McCartney playing drums on it.

Adele co-writer Greg Kurstin’s production adds big-studio texture without diluting the band’s raw tumult; even Justin Timberlake’s appearance – as a backing vocalist on the space-truckin’ “Make It Right” – is subtle rather than ostentatious. The highlight is “The Sky Is a Neighborhood,” a hulking dream-metal anthem: “Trouble to the right and left,” Grohl sings, driving into the darkness with a Bic lighter raised to the heavens.“ - Rolling Stone

* HALLOWEEN - ruston kelly

ruston kelly captured me, years ago, with the single release of his flawlessly raw, haunting "black magic.” ever since, like a ghost itself, the song was never far from me.

Rolling Stone writes, “Black Magic” is a crescendoing rocker that ponders the bewitching pull of romance –and how it can easily disappear in a cloud of smoke.“

"Kelly is just as adept at making catchy country grooves – Tim McGraw and Josh Abbott Band have cut his tracks –as he is capturing life’s darkest, most introspective moments. The songwriter’s debut EP, the Mike Mogis-produced Halloween, is a solemn meditation on the inevitable end of things, and the spirits that tend to haunt us. Kelly came to Tennessee as a last-minute decision after attending high school in Belgium (he jokes that his father might have been a spy). Once he landed in town, he held tenure in the jam band Elmwood and battled addiction, writing songs on Music Row while exploring his demons on Halloween and his forthcoming full-length. Current single "Black Magic” shows a powerful grasp on storytelling gleaned from his love of the Carter Family and Townes Van Zandt, but also a more ragged rock & roll soul: it’s Americana, if your Americana is Bruce Springsteen with an acoustic guitar, sung by someone who spins a little heavy metal too. “Sometimes I wear both a cowboy hat and a Slayer T-shirt, just to throw people off,” Kelly says.“

* REPUTATION - taylor swift

"hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you” at her core, i still believe taylor to be the fiercely strong, quietly brilliant songwriter she’s always been. the power of the song comes through when you strip it down + it still shines just as bright. thank you for making music that meets me where i am + takes me away, since that very first day, at fifteen (2006). thank you for this one + for playing it for jimmy fallon + his momma (go watch that performance + weep!) i look forward to growing into this record as i have the five that came before.. i’ve never doubted her prowess as a storyteller.. + i won’t start now.

see also: Rob Sheffield’s glorious write up. i wholeheartedly agree. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/albumreviews/taylor-swift-reputation-sheffield-review-most-intimate-lp-w511359

rob is my favorite RS writer/author on all-things music. from his books on life through the lens of pop music–bowie, beatles + duran duran songs, respectively, i wouldn’t trust anyone else’s TS review. he articulately captures how i feel, as a fan from album one.. i look forward to better understanding 'reputation’ with each spin, though i can’t help but miss the classic introspective ballads.

* DIVIDE - ed sheeran

a fantastically diverse record. once again, sheeran proves he can break all of the boundaries + stay true to himself as an artist. he does it all so well, without appearing to care what anyone else thinks. “dive” is a bold, beautiful statement i continue to come back to + feel just the same. the record punches + dances in all the right places, from beginning to end, begging to be played on repeat.

* LIFE CHANGES - thomas rhett

thomas rhett gifted us the quintessential road trip singalong soundtrack record of the year. the day after it was born was spent on a bus from chicago to nashville, so when it wasn’t playing through my earbuds, it was spinning on repeat in my mind. the title track still stands out clear + strong, though i thoroughly enjoyed a live taste of the addictive early maren morris duet–“craving you”–back in february on the hometeam tour. it’s no wonder his career has catapulted with his seamless versatility in blending country’s storytelling with pop music’s neverending ear candy likeablity. this record excellently showcases rhett’s range from anthemic radio jams to heartbreaker ballads and true-to-life tales in between.

* FROM A ROOM (vol 1 + 2) - chris stapleton

stapleton released music this year in two parts, dubbing them “from A room” volumes 1 + 2–not just any room, “'A’ room” being nashville’s historic RCA studio A. some songs included in the collection were written up to a decade ago; ones chosen as they still ring true to the bearded, believable-as-they-come singer/songwriter.

on the authenticity of his craft, stapleton says, “I can’t really speak to why people like what we do. Hopefully, they know what we do is authentically us, and that goes over no matter what kind of music you’re playing. People will kind of hear that and connect with that in ways they wouldn’t if you were trying to be something that you think might be popular; I think that’s always a mistake in music, maybe even in life. Do something 'cause it’s in your heart, do something 'cause it’s what you’re supposed to be doing.”

“broken halos” + “second one to know” will, to me, always conjure up memories of seeing him open for tom petty and the heartbreakers at wrigley field, on their 40th anniversary tour, this summer. music is medicine and these honest-to-the-bone tunes are instant classics as well as a balm for the soul.

* FIRST CIGARETTE - travis meadows

“we rise. we climb. we shine like broken stars.”

the above is perhaps the defining statement of next-level nashville singer/songwriter, travis meadows’ 2017 studio album, 'first cigarette.’ the veteran of a different kind of war, there’s not much meadows hasn’t faced in life–cancer, heartbreak, addiction, depression.. and no story is off-limits for the wonderfully raw-voiced, honest-as-they-come artist. each song stays true to travis’ heart, some a little more uncomfortably authentic than accessible (ie radio-friendly), but that’s the way meadows prefers his craft.

“underdogs,” “pontiac,” “hungry,” + “better boat” stand out from first listen, yet each track was chosen to land where they do in the lineup + in the heart of the listener.

Rolling Stone writes, “To his most ardent fans and peers, including Eric Church, Dierks Bentley and Jake Owen, who have all cut Meadows’ songs for their respective albums, his open-book approach to his craft is his greatest gift. But Meadows lives in fear of rejection. That ever-lingering sense of distrust remains…

[On having label support backing a project for the first time]:

"It validates all of the suffering that I went through to get here,” Meadows says. “It gives it purpose.”

“I try not to be too hard on myself,” Meadows continues, “but I don’t deserve any of this. So I’m grateful for every inch I get walking that mile.”

* STEEL TOWN - steve moakler

steel town had only been out for nine days + i’d woken up with these songs in my head, every morning. i’m partial to “wheels” + “gold” + “summer without her” (co-written with + ft. my favorite-for-so-long, sarah buxton!!) + the title track, but i cannot pick a favorite, friends. the long wait from 'wide open’ to this one was oh-so-worth it. thanks for another heartfelt record filled with story songs i can spin for years + years to come. seriously, don’t sleep on this love letter to a historically hardworking hometown.

* BRETT ELDREDGE - brett eldredge

“Brett Eldredge’s self-titled third album is the Number One country album this week. The Illinois native also scored the highest all-genre chart position of his career, landing at Number Two on the Billboard 200, behind Kendrick Lamar’s LP Damn.” - Rolling Stone (August 15)

eldredge is both effortless + earnest, perfectly showcasing his ability + personality on the record he calls, “the most [himself].” from the playful first single, “somethin’ i’m good at” to the heartfelt vulnerability of “castaway,” listeners experience all-sides of the equal parts smooth sinatra, fun-loving country crooner. the standouts are story songs–“the long way” is dreamlike while “no stopping you” is wistful–both shine brilliantly on studio LP number three.

[prettyrickyreid]

Heaven in Hiding || Spencer Reid x Luke Alvez  {PT. 1}

“I can tell you mean it ‘cause you’re shaking.”

Summary of Imagine: Luke gets drunk at Spencer’s party and becomes dependent on Reid, in which things end up going in the complete opposite direction they both expect it to.

Warnings: None in this scene except some swearing!

Length: Long, 1,507 words

A/N: Inspired by the song Heaven in Hiding by Halsey! (I really wanna do a whole Halsey series tbh) I really hope you guys like it and forgive me if this is choppy - I’m so used to my old fanfics where they were always heterosexual relations so I haven’t really worked with same gender relations! (I’m 100% supportive of every relationship though no matter what!) Enjoy! ALSO: FOR THE SECOND PART I WOULD LOVE IF WE COULD GET 50+ NOTES SO I COULD WRITE IT :) (just seeing the interest!) Thank you and I love feedback!!

@reidoneshots / @ssajenniferjareau (for the ship recommendation!) @twelveyearoldchildprodigy @reidbyers @bookofreid @dontshootmespence 

It was Spencer’s 30th birthday, and JJ had surprised him with well, a surprise party that had been casually thrown together in a last minute attempt to make the birthday boy feel special, instead of sitting alone on his birthday snuggled up with a book and a cheap cupcake from Costco. 

Everyone managed to stay sober except for Luke and Emily. Those two went at it with the alcohol Emily provided, and no one stopped them. They both threw in their responsibilities considering both Sergio and Roxy were at the kennel for an overnight visit, so with the parental needs out of the way, they were intoxicated to no end, but those two were having fun, so the team just let them go. 

As the chaotic shouts of the night slowly faded into the desired rest of morning and the team was yawning more than laughing, Spencer decided to call it quits on the bash that had now become well... a crash. Emily and Luke were both giggling, but eventually fell asleep on Spencer’s tainted corduroy sofa adorned with coffee stains. 

JJ agreed to escort Emily home, considering both of their residences were in close proximity to one another, and an hour ago she was itching to get home to see her child and Will. 

Everyone else left except for Luke who refused, promptly hissing at Emily and JJ as they walked out. Emily proceeded to laugh, squirt Luke with a plant spray, and tell him that “momma is gonna punish you”, implying that Emily was so drunk she thought Luke was her cat Sergio.

It was just Luke and Reid now, and although Spencer was buzzed, he was still sober enough to know Luke wasn’t completely okay, but it had been a few hours since he had a shot so he figured the tipsy man should recover quickly.

“Do you wanna just pass out here? It’s like 3am and I don’t want you driving home.” Spencer asked, but it seemed as if he was talking to a four year old. 

Without hesitation, Luke abruptly nodded, still dazing in and out of a lucid dream he had been having about someone, considering Spencer could hear all of the not so appropriate things he was mumbling as he had been rolling around on the couch. 

Spencer sat down on the couch next to Luke, his curls sprawled out in every direction refusing to become tame. He eventually aided Luke to clean up a bit and gave him a drink of water, the drunk now in Spencer’s arms because after seeming stable, his feet were now “incapable of working” and decided it would be better to use Spencer as his stability. 

Luke went back into the deepest sleep of his life, and Spencer placed him down gently on the used couch, carelessly throwing a blanket over the now fetal positioned man snoring obnoxiously. 

Leaving Luke to rest, Spencer decided to get changed into an old tee shirt - one that said “If you were an enzyme, I would be a DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes”. This cheesy and slightly inappropriate shirt he only wore to bed because it was too improper for work, but secretly, it was his favorite shirt. He threw on some flannel pajama pants to match (of course they matched - he may have been lazy but he was never caught badly dressed) and went to the kitchen table to read one of his favorite books - Jane Eyre. The music was still softly playing in the background from that night, ranging from Adele (Garcia’s choice) to Big Sean (Morgan’s choice). He didn’t mind it that much, so he dove in to the book and began to feel lost in it, ignoring the prominent snores coming from the recovering drunk in the background.

Spencer had been reading for about an hour, but his mind couldn’t fathom the plot line of the book, but rather his focus was on Luke - the one across the room from him on the couch. To be honest, when Luke had first started out at the BAU, Spencer had felt sort of a holy-shit-he’s-hot moment, but quickly brushed it off because at that time, there was no room for feelings. He didn’t want to feel anything since Maeve had passed, so he quickly dismissed these strange feelings for depression and loneliness. This hadn’t been the first time too that he’d wanted to pursue someone of the same sex, to be honest Derek was the first, but Spencer quickly got over that urge and was confident this would be the same way. That’s what he told himself anyway. Just a phase. 

Yet, he couldn’t help himself from looking back at Luke, admiring him in such a way he would adore a lover. 

Quickly Luke’s eyes opened to meet Spencer’s, but instead of addressing the matter of the odd glance, the boy dove back into his classic literature filled with religion, romance and tragedy. In an attempt to act normal, Spencer pushed up his glasses and nonchalantly flipped a page, licking his finger to do so in the process, the light trace of saliva wetting the used page. 

Luke had been staring too. As soon as Spencer had focused in on his book after locking eyes with his, the man held his glance, marveling at how focused he was, how simply astounding he was to just look at. Now Luke had been a lady’s man, but what no one knew and what he refused to reveal was the fact he had also had his share of closeted relationships with men as well, but they had never ended well so he stuck to women, even if by women he meant his dog Roxy.

Eventually Luke stumbled up from the cozy couch, shuffling mindlessly into the kitchen for another glass of water to subside his raging headache. He was still semi-hungover, but now lucid. Of course Spencer had one of those weird fridges that take 3,000 times to figure out how to get the water out of the spout, so the first time Luke attempted to retain some liquid, he accidentally spilled water all over the floor.

“Dammit.” He cursed, grabbing the stray towel that had draped over the oven - the one Spencer refuses to use. 

The boy at the kitchen table directed his scattered attention from the book to the hungover man cussing on the floor, failing miserably to clean up water from the old tile. 

Spencer slowly rose from his reading and grabbed another old towel from the laundry room, trying to help Luke clean up the mess he had produced seconds earlier. 

They eventually got it cleaned up, the resounding silence unsettling the both of them, because the closer they got, the more scared they each became of what was inevitable. 

Ultimately, Luke sooner or later got his ice water, but they could now both feel the tension in between them, even if they were still numerous feet away. In an attempt to break the unsettling feeling amongst the two, Luke hopped up on Spencer’s counter and grabbed an apple from the basket beside him, biting into the juicy center, making a louder crunch than he intended to. Out of nowhere, Spencer started to laugh, one technique he often used when he got nervous. 

Way Down We Go by Kaleo was playing in the background, a tune Spencer actually loved. As if almost on cue, Luke’s words spill out of his mouth, shattering the conversation silence they had both held since he woke up.

“Hell, I love this song.” 

“Me... me too.” Spencer stutters, revealing a small smile and lightly tapping on his glasses, another trick he uses for anxiety and awkward situations. He was the epitome of awkward situations. It’s probably why he couldn’t date anyone. 

“You like music?” Luke questions as he raises his eyebrows and jumps off the counter, searching for something to eat in the fridge.

Spencer tugs on some of his hair and clears his throat. “Love it.”

Failing to find anything admirable in the fridge (well - Spencer was admirable, but he wasn’t in the fridge) Luke closed the door softly and starts to hum the current song. 

In an attempt to gather more space between the two and clear the awkward tensions, Spencer slowly paced back to the place where Luke just was, his back against the cool surface of the porcelain counter. 

Avoiding eye contact, Spencer stared down at his mixed match socks - one was gray with pink polka dots, the other a paisley blue pattern - and took a deep sigh. It had been a long night. Luke seemed to ignore the gestures even as the place stayed silent. 

Spencer could feel it. He didn’t want to, but he just knew this was going to go someplace he hadn’t been before and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it, but Luke looked so good with his small smile and natural build that left him speechless.

Luke could feel that something was going to change tonight. He had never been as close to anyone as he was to Spencer right now, but he chose to ignore that and focus on the boy with the sad smile standing in front of him - from his dimples to the curls that covered half of his delicate face.

Just as Luke was about to say something the both of them were thinking, Spencer finally opens his mouth to talk, hesitation but determination clear in his shaky voice.

He moves a step closer, and sighs. 

“Fuck it.”

A/N: ahH cliFFhaNgEr oH ShIT! IF YOU WANT MORE, I WOULD LOVE IF THIS COULD GET 50+ NOTES? I never do this, but I just want to see the interest in it as I am still a newer account! Thank you so much for the love so far, and I hope you enjoyed! Remember: my ask and messages are always open!

[waitingfortherightpartner]

All I Ask

Based on Anonymous Prompt: Hello! May I request a Bucky x Reader, in which they break up and it is based on the song All I Ask by Adele? You can choose in which era and all, I love your writing anyway! Have a lovely day and good luck with all the requests :) x

plus

Based on Anonymous Prompt: Hi! Could you do an imagine where the reader dated Bucky for a year before he was frozen in wakanda and they broke up the day he will be frozen and everyone in the avengers team got sad, reader and bucky cried too cause they all thought they’d stay forever together. But years later, when the reader thought she forgot about Bucky, Bucky was now unfrozen and they reunited in a restaurant with the rest of the avengers team?

A/N: So, a couple things.  I actually kind of combined two prompts for this (yay for productivity!) so it’s a little different, but I think it turned out pretty well.  This is actually one of the angstier things I’ve written (I prefer writing super fluffy fluff), so I hope it’s not terrible.  Also, apologies for the weird format, but I didn’t know how else to do it.  I’m going a little out of order with my prompts, but I’m kind of just writing whatever inspires me.  Wrote this one on the plane about a week ago, but didn’t have the wifi to post it.  I’m actually heading home in a day and a half, so then hopefully I’ll be writing much more frequently.  Current goal is to make it through my prompt list (which is from last year because I suck!) before the end of the summer so I can write some other stuff...Anyways, I’m rambling, but hope y’all like it!

Tagging @pleasecallmecaptain​ @mattymattymerduck​ @writingbarnes​ @kissofvenom922​ @b-orderline​ @shamvictoria11​ @callingmrsbarnes​ @barnes-and-noble-girl​ @coley0823 @redstarstan @badassbaker @phoebe-21-99@marvelgoateecollection @palaiasaurus64 @melconnor2007

-

“Doll, say something please.”

I will leave my heart at the door

“What is there to say?”

I won’t say a word

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

They’ve all been said before, you know

“Nothing.  Everything.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s your choice.  I have to respect that.”

“But?”

“We just go in circles every time we have this discussion.  I don’t think shutting yourself off is the way to fix this.”

“It’s safest for everyone.”

So why don’t we just play pretend

You meet Bucky’s eyes for the first time since he’s told you.  Years of practice have taught him how to guard his emotions, how to keep the world out of his thoughts.  

But you can see the way his eyes sweep across your face, as if attempting to memorize each feature, each line, each imperfection.  The way his tongue darts out to wet his dry lips.  The slight tremor in his right hand.

Like we’re not scared of what is coming next

"Is it?” you ask softly, and you hear your voice as if it’s not your own, so small and unsure.  You see Bucky’s composure falter for a half-second.

“Yes,” he says, as if he’s trying to convince himself.  “If I’m in cryo, I can’t hurt anyone.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” you reply, your eyes dropping to your hands.

Or scared of having nothing left

You hate yourself for making that comment as you watch Bucky wilt.  His hands jerk forward, as if reaching for you, but he pulls them back to his sides, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Look, don’t get me wrong

“If you don’t, we can try different types of therapy,” you say, trying to make amends.  “We can see what works, trial and error, you know?  Tony has that BARF thing, we can try and get that-”

“And what happens if that doesn’t work?” Bucky asks.  “What happens when those words turn me into...him?”

“Steve conks you on the head,” you say matter-of-factly.  “Really, really hard.”

You manage to pull a smile out of him, one of those truly genuine grins that make the corners of his eyes crinkle.  A smile that normally makes your heart skip a beat, today just intensifies the dull ache in your heart.

I know there is no tomorrow

“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened,” he says, the smile fading from his face.  “To Steve.  Or to you.”

It’s then that you know his mind is made up.  You take a deep breath and nod, folding your arms around yourself, and feeling so incredibly small.

All I ask is...

“All right,” you say, surprised at how hoarse your voice is.  “I just...I need a minute.”

Before your mind quite knows what your body’s doing, your feet are carrying you far away from him, away from Bucky.  You don’t quite know where you’re going, except that you need air, fresh air.  

The walls are starting to feel like they’re closing in on you, and suddenly you can’t stand the thought of Bucky in a cryo tube, of the darkness seeping into the edge of his vision. 

Of him being alone.

-

“The procedure is painless.  A few seconds and then...nothing.”

You nod, keeping your eyes trained on T’Challa as he explains the cryo process.  You’re barely listening to the Wakandan King, every fiber of your body straining to keep your vision from drifting slightly to his right, to where Bucky is leaning against a desk.

I don't need your honesty

You haven’t spoken to him since he made the decision, not because you’re angry, but because you’re scared of the words that will come tumbling out of your mouth.

Your resolve finally crumbles and you finally allow your eyes to find Bucky.  When you do, you find his blue eyes trained on yours, holding your gaze with a look that says so much.

It's already in your eyes

You take a deep breath and steel yourself, tearing your gaze away from the eyes you thought would be your future, forcing yourself to pay attention.

“-monitoring his vitals at all times, making adjustments as necessary.”

“How long?” you ask, and T’Challa offers a sympathetic smile.

“We do not know,” he says.  “Our scientists have already begun the research process, and it is proving more complex than they anticipated.”

And I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me

It’s a break-up, of sorts.  But so much worse.

Because if it were a break-up, it would be a choice that Bucky’s making, not something he’s forcing upon himself.  Another burden he must carry as he tries to atone for things that aren’t his fault, should never have been his fault.

No one knows me like you do

And there’s nothing definite about it.  T’Challa’s scientists could find a cure a few weeks from now, or never in your lifetime.  

“We’ll give you some space to process,” T’Challa says kindly, yet firmly.  You nod, picking a spot on the floor as your brain begins to wander.

And since you’re the only one that matters

Bucky lingers in the room, as T’Challa’s scientists, guards and advisors file out.  The three of you stand in tense silence.  You can feel your resolve break, a tear escaping from your eye and rolling down your cheek.

“Take as much time as you need, (Y/N),” T’Challa says, pointedly fixing Bucky with his unflinching gaze.  Reluctantly, Bucky crosses the room, passing right in front of you, close enough to touch.  

If this were a normal day, you would reach out to brush his arm, his hand, maybe even plant a quick kiss on the side of his mouth, if you were feeling particularly bold.

But it’s not a normal day, and as soon as you’re alone in the room, you sink to the ground, unable to stop the flow of tears.

Tell me who do I run to?

-

“(Y/N).”

It’s the night before they put him under, and that overwhelming feeling of confinement, the one that chased you away from Bucky the first time he told you, has become utterly unbearable.  You’ve opted to spend the night on the balcony of the living complex T’Challa has given to you, staring up at the cloudless Wakandan sky, alone.

Or at least, that was the plan.

“Bucky,” you say, your eyes still tracing the paths of constellations.  You feel him brush against your shoulder, sitting down next to you.

Let this be our lesson in love

“Doll, are you angry with me?”  You turn to face him, your hands moving to cup both sides of his face on their own accord.  He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering closed, and you’re reminded of how long it’s been since you’ve allowed him this.  Since you’ve allowed yourself this.

Let this be the way we remember us

“James Buchanan Barnes, let’s get one thing straight,” you say quietly.  “I have never been, nor could I ever be truly mad at you.  I’m mad at everything else.”  You drop your hands, taking his right hand in yours as you rub small circles into his skin.

“Everything else?” he asks.

“Hydra,” you say.  “Fate.  The universe.  But never you.”

“Never me,” Bucky echoes.  “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

I don’t wanna be cruel or vicious

You shake your head, words not able to capture the hurricane of emotions in your heart, the perfect storm of love, rage, terror and sorrow.  Bucky nods, understanding.

“I know, doll,” he says, pulling you to him.  You slide over so that you’re sitting between his legs, your head resting against his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat.  

“I’ll miss you, Buck,” you say.  “So much.”

“Don’t,” he says, his voice harsher than you expected.  “Please.”  One word, one ragged, bitter word that nearly reduces you to tears.

“Don’t miss you?” you ask, trying not to let your heart break as you realize what he’s asking you to do.

“I can’t…” he says.  “I won’t…please don’t wait.”

And I ain’t asking for forgiveness

“No,” you say.

“No?”

“No,” you repeat, turning to look at Bucky.  Your hands fly up to his face, wiping a tear off his cheek with the pad of your thumb.  Tentatively, you lean forward, kissing up the salty, tear-stained tracks of his cheeks until your lips land on his closed eyes.  

Bucky’s eyes meet yours again, the steely blue of his eyes looking softer than they ever have before.  You both lean forward until your lips meet.

All I ask is

-

“You sure about this?”

“I can’t trust my own mind.  So until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head, I think going back under is the best thing...for everybody.”

The way his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer.

If this is my last night with you

Everyone’s gathered in a sterile, metallic room, a lone cryo tube in the center.  Bucky sits on a table, dressed in white, as T’Challa’s doctors finished their preparation for the procedure.

He looks more serene to you, more calm and for the first time, you almost don’t mind that he’s doing this.

The way his stubble felt against your cheek.

Hold me like I’m more than just a friend

He steps into the tube, and you feel that crushing sense of fear and claustrophobia again.  But this time, for Bucky’s sake you fight the urge to run, your feet planted to the ground as if rooted there.

The way your bodies seemed to mold to each other’s, perfectly entwined.

Give me a memory I can use

It’s minutes away from happening now, and the anticipation is killing you.  You meet Steve’s eyes, both of you trying to keep a strong front up, and both of you failing miserably.

The feel of his hair between your fingers.

Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do

They initialize the sequence, and you see the fog begin to flood the compartment, Bucky’s eyes begin to droop.  Before they close and the fog envelops him, his eyes find yours.

The taste of his lips as the two of you kissed for the last time.

It matters how this ends

The smoke clears and he’s asleep, peaceful.

You take one last lingering look, before forcing yourself to leave, 

The way you love him.

Cause what if I never love again?

[hetmusic]

A conversation with Declan McKenna | HumanHuman

We’ve been on the tail of young and undeniably talented songwriter Declan Mckenna for over a year now since the release of his incredibly popular debut single “Brazil”. Over the past few months, he’s developed a reputation of one of the music industry brightest talents and a knack for tackling life’s tough subjects. From anti-FIFA feelings in “Brazil” to highlighting the hardships of young transgender people in “Paracetamol” to damning religion’s grip on war in newest release “Bethlehem”, his interest in the world’s flaw are evident.

The seventeen-year-old Brit was labelled as a Promising Artist a year ago following Crack in the Road’s spot-on discovery and a slew of agrees from some of our most influential users. The support for this emerging musician is clear, and so we wanted to ask Mckenna a few questions about what this rise to the realm of known music has been like.

I remember when I first heard your music, which was the song “Brazil”, and I thought “this is the best football-related song I’ve ever heard!”

[Starts laughing] thank you!

What sparked the need to write it?

It was a bit of a weird one. I generally come up with the melodies and guitar riffs before I come up with any lyrics, so first I had this guitar riff that I really liked and then I came up with the melody but didn’t have any words for it. Then it kind of just happened! I started hearing things about the FIFA World Cup and the corruption around it. I don’t really know why or how it happened, but I ended up writing a song about it and it turned out to be the one that I recorded and released. I was just seeing all this stuff around and like most songs, I was hearing so much about it that I couldn’t really avoid writing about it.

Well you say like most songs, but it’s a pretty unique subject!

I guess so… I mean the weird thing is that when I wrote it, I didn’t expect anyone to hear it! I just wrote what I wanted to. It was just me being like “hey, this isn’t right” and then writing a song about it.

I’ve seen that the YouTube video for “Brazil” has over a million views. Did you expect the song to be so successful?

Not at all. It’s crazy and I did not expect that to come from one song I recorded in summer at a university. I made the video for it with a couple of friends in Brixton, just because we wanted to and now you’ve seen the views - it’s like, what the hell! It’s amazing and I couldn’t expect that kind of reaction to anything I’ve made. Now, I get to go to loads of places and play shows, which is great!

We kind of have to mention the Sky News interview, which is pretty cool in itself, but one thing that stuck out to me was that you said “I want to be a musician”, rather than “I am a musician.” Does that mean it still feels like it isn’t official yet?

Well, that interview was quite a while ago. Of course, a musician is a person who plays music, but for me, it’s about being a musician in a career sense. Right now, I’m just the kind of musician who plays some instruments [laughs] I don’t see it as a career yet… I mean, it sort of is, but it’s still such early days. I feel like it hasn’t really hit me yet.

Obviously you’re seventeen now, but when your music first came out you were sixteen -

Fifteen!

Wow, fifteen? Okay! Well, do you think age affects the way that people perceive your music?

It can be quite patronizing a lot of the time, just the way that people assume things. It’s normally by accident and it’s not like people are being rude or anything, but it can be quite frustrating when everything is put down to your age. People might say, “oh, that must be because of his hormones.” [laughs] It’s weird how frequent I get stuff like that. I’m like, “really?! Do you not remember being a teenager?” That’s the thing, like yeah, I am a teenager, but my entire life doesn’t revolve around that fact. Being a teenager is something that I am, but that’s it! [laughing] It’s not really that deep.

Looking back again, last year you won Glastonbury’s Emerging Talent competition. How significant has that been to your career so far?

I feel like the initial audition process for that did a lot more for me. Obviously, the competition was great, and I got a write-up in NME, which I had never had before, but in the auditions the dude who was handling the letter D entries passed on my name to a load of people and I feel like that was one of the earliest things that started pushing my music, as opposed to the actual competition and the outcome, which was more public. Although, both of those things have done crazy stuff for me! I’m pretty glad I did that. It’s weird because a lot of musicians shy away from competitions, and so do I, but I feel like that one was cool because the prize was literally a Glastonbury slot! It was a great decision because a lot of this stuff wouldn't have happened for me otherwise.

You mentioned the NME review there that described the Glastonbury show as a great performance, so have you been playing live shows for a long time?

Well then I’d been playing on my own for a couple of years just with a loop pedal, but now it’s all changed. I’ve got a band, mostly as a four-piece, but for the last few shows it’s been as a five-piece. It’s been cool playing with a band, I much prefer that. I’m all about the live shows and we’ve been playing quite a lot.

Would you say that playing live is your favourite part of being a musician?

Yeah, definitely! It’s a lot less stressful playing as a group. I find that performances are the most fun part. Everything else feels like build up to shows for me.

A lot of people do talk about how the music industry relies on live shows now.

Oh yeah, because of streaming and people aren’t buying records as much. We need to have people at shows or buying merch in order to be actually making money from the industry.

Or be Adele, then you’re alright.

[Laughs] yeah, or that!

I was listening to your music and I think my favourite song of yours is “Brew”, simply because it shows a more experimental side to your music and those guitars in the first half reminded me of The xx. I was wondering, are you often compared to other musicians?

Yeah, I get Jake Bugg a lot, which I don’t really understand. It’s like people think seventeen-year-old from the UK who plays guitar - Jake Bugg! Or Jamie T, which I also don’t get, because he like half raps and I’m not even close to that. That was one of the things about releasing my second single, to be completely different from the first one, because I just hated being compared to these other artists. Then people were like Vampire Weekend! It’s an odd one being compared because sometimes you get really good ones too. I once got Jeff Buckley, that’s such a compliment! My entire life and career is based around Jeff Buckley.

“My entire life and career is based around Jeff Buckley.”— Declan Mckenna

That actually brings me on to my next question, because I was going to ask you which artists have been most prominent for you?

Jeff Buckley is everyone’s musician, but also more importantly he’s a musician’s musician. All musicians are inspired by Jeff Buckley, and it’s the same with David Bowie who is probably one of my biggest influences in music. The Beatles too, who I love. I guess these days some more modern bands are St Vincent, TV On The Radio, Sufjan Stevens.

Oh I love him, especially Carrie & Lowell.

That’s an amazing an album! My favourite album of his is The Age of Adz, which is this really crazy industrial one.

There were the State ones too.

Yeah, he did Illinois and Michigan.

I prefer Illinois.

Yeah, Illinois is better. It has that song “Chicago” on it, that’s such a great song. I feel like that song inspired so much music after that. Bands like Elbow and even Coldplay were massively influenced by that one song.

And yet not enough people know about Sufjan!

Yeah, again it’s like he’s a musician’s musician or people who are really into music are really into Sufjan Stevens. Outside of that I don’t even know that many people who like his music. He headlined End of the Road last year which was pretty cool, which is wish I could have seen.

To go back to your music and to the track “Paracetamol”. It’s an incredibly catchy song, but with a really serious message, so why were you drawn to this struggle of young transgender people?

It was this story that was really prominent on social media, which as a teenager is something that’s quite prominent in my life. It never really got any mainstream media coverage and I was just like, why?

That was Leelah’s Law?

Leelah’s Law, yeah. There’s so much depressing news going on and although that story was sad, the message which Leelah gave in the Tumblr post that she did was very hopeful, and it wasn’t covered anywhere. I wanted to say something about it. It took a couple of months to figure out exactly what I wanted to song to be about, but once I had the idea for that, I pretty much wrote it in a day and then played it at a gig on that night. It wasn’t the finished product of the song and I came up with a couple of other bits afterwards, but yeah it was another one that happened quite quickly once I figured out what it was.

The video focusses on two fifteen-year-old protagonists trying to find their feet and their position in life, do you think it’s important to give a voice to young people and teenagers with your music?

This is something I’ve been thinking about recently. There’s not a lot of young artists who actually represent young people in a genuine way, and not in a way that’s exaggerated or overdone. In the last few years we’ve had a couple, like Earl Sweatshirt who is a role model for young and mixed-race people, and all the stuff he talks about is so honest, so relatable for people who are in similar positions to him or people who have been oppressed because of the way they are. Also Archie Marshall and his project King Krule, which I feel is a lot closer to home for me. However, I feel like right now at this moment, there’s not many artists who do that. I think it is important, not that I would compare myself lyrically to either of those artists. Loyle Carner is one that is definitely, definitely a voice for young people, even if a lot of his stories are about his personal life, but he’s very inspiring. Of course it’s important for young people to have a voice, to be given a voice and to tell stories about young people that aren’t patronizing or overdone and from the perspective of people who are actually young rather than it being written by a forty-year-old or whatever.

“There’s not a lot of young artists who actually represent young people in a genuine way, and not in a way that’s exaggerated or overdone.”— Declan Mckenna

I guess even if they try their hardest, it risks coming across as patronizing.

Exactly, it’s never real. In some ways there is a surge in young talent coming up, but I’d like to see more of it and more of it that’s genuine and represents me and other kids like me.

One really young artist I can think of is Billie Eilish, who was thirteen-years-old when her song “Ocean Eyes” came out.

Wow! I don’t think I’ve heard that. That’s insane, I’ll have to check her out.

So, what theme - political, cultural or otherwise - would you like to take on next?

I don’t know… there’s so much going on! There’s just so much to write about that now I feel like I have the problem of choosing something. I feel like I need to write a song about George Osborne because he’s such a prick! Maybe something more English this time round, because I tend to write about events that have happened in other countries and I haven’t done anything about home politics yet. There’s obviously a lot of stuff going on at the minute with that, you know, Corbyn and Cameron giving it large. Honestly, I’m not sure, because I generally just go “okay, I’m going to write about this” and I do it in like ten seconds. I guess we’ll see, although I’d like to write a kind of happier song. Most of my songs tend to be quite hopeful but with dark undertones, so I’d like to write something slightly happier.

You’re right, the songs don’t necessarily come across as unhappy, although the subject matter might be quite serious. They’re not really depressing in any way.

That’s one thing I’ve taken from The Beatles and David Bowie, because they write songs that sound really happy but actually have a serious undertone. Songs like “Oh You Pretty Things” by David Bowie and “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” by The Beatles are quite child-like and playful, but are genuinely good songs and serious.

Finally, can we expect a debut record anytime soon?

Early next year. I’m going to say that, but honestly, I can’t say exactly when because I don’t know! I’m going to finish recording it this summer though.

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interview-declan-mckenna

[spreadplaylist]

SPREAD CH.4 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT INTERVIEW - TINA MATHIEU

This month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight is a dear friend of mine, Tina Mathieu. Let's get a closer look at her life and her music!

Tina: Hey there.. My name is Tina Mathieu. I’m a singer/songwriter based in Los Angeles. I moved out here by way of NYC, where I spent roughly 15 years writing and playing acoustic soul music. Within the past few months, I released my first indie r&b single and ran my very first official trail run... uphill - So i’m kinda feelin’ myself. ; )

Dan: Haha hi Tina! Those are definitely things to be proud of. I'm so excited you're our SPREAD featured artist this month! Diving right into your life and career a little more, how long have you been a songwriter/artist?

Tina: I started writing my own music after I stepped away from musical theater back in 2003. I was 22 with a broken heart and a cheap classical guitar. Typical story. I’d been writing poetry since I was a child - and somehow the ability to turn my words into melodies just clicked.

Dan: And when it clicks it's the best feeling ever. Since you have been writing for a while I am sure you have some sort of routine. Describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.

Tina: The mountains and the shower… recently I began trail running through the Santa Monica mountains. Moving through the open air, surrounded by 360’ of a world reminding me how small I am gives me major perspective - I become elevated in every way. I usually record voice memos while I hike and continue playing with those ideas once I’m home... washing all the dirt the off. The shower makes me feel like I can sing anything.

Dan: More power to you on trail running. I don't think that's something I could ever have the endurance to do! But if we're talking singing in the shower, I definitely feel like Beyoncé the moment I step in, even though I definitely don't sound like her...

Quickly moving on to get that image out of everyone's head...I know you are a very motivated and driven person. Do you have a personal mantra that helps you get through each day? If so, what is it?

Tina: These days when I feel like so much is out of my control, I like to stick with “One day at a time” and the serenity prayer... Accept the things I cannot change - the courage to change the things I can - and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh wisdom…

Dan: I've never actually heard that prayer. That's something I may have to adopt. I definitely use the day-at-a-time mantra or I tend to get overwhelmed.

So, now that you have released a new single, I know you are trying to get out and perform in LA a little more. Coming from experience I know that's a blessing and a curse. What do you think is a misconception people have about performing?

Tina: That bigger notes mean better singer. This is especially true in musical theater or televised singing competitions. I’ve had lots of internal struggles with this misconception. After dealing with vocal nodes, I had to start letting the strengths within my tone, emotion and storytelling depict my artistry - rather than belting my life away.

Dan: To be honest I think reality singing tv shows have done some hurt to singers because everyone watches them and then expects everyone to have a huge, belting voice. But we have to make room for the soothing, sultry vocals too. ;)

If you can pick, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?

Tina: I’m super proud of two songs. ‘Downward Spiral’, my first single that I released, was a long time coming. I wrote it about 2 ½ years ago in NYC after dealing with some family turmoil. I’m proud of it because I actually followed through with it. I’ve written tons of songs and always found excuses to not finish them. When I released ‘Downward Spiral’ I felt ready. I had no excuses left.

I’m also very proud of the next song i’ll be releasing in October, ‘Ring Off’. Reliving the discovery of an affair is probably the most raw i’ve been in songwriting yet. It still hurts when i sing it and i think it makes people uncomfortable… which means I did my job.

Dan: I've heard both and I have to say they are both chilling. I don't even know if I could pick a favorite. And again, congrats on the new single!

I know that this journey is hard to follow through with sometimes, and its easy to get caught up. So throughout your years as a songwriter, who is one person in your life that has influenced and pushed you to be where you are now?

Tina: Influenced and pushed are two different things for me. I’ve had several artist and musician friends that have inspired me immensely. My family has always supported and believed in me. But as for pushing me to where I am now... I did that. Lots of people gave me advice and thought I was wasting my talent by not following through for so long, but I couldn’t do anything until I was ready - from the inside - an inner push that was long overdue.

Dan: I'm so happy to see that push now, because you're amazing! It's crazy how we can hear kind words and support from so many different people but we equally have to hear us say it to ourselves, too. With this unstoppable Tina, describe a typical day in your life. What are you doing? What do u enjoy the most about it?

Tina: I’m a mom - so everyday starts the same... I have to wake up way earlier than I prefer to blindly pour apple juice for a 4 year old dude. I also work in tv production so I’m often juggling a freelance lifestyle which allows me the opportunity to make music. I try to hike or trail run whenever I can squeeze it in. Also, Target. I’m mostly at Target.

Dan: Target always saves the day. Also, you are my hero. Now that we've seen a glimpse into your grind, and that you are not holding back in your music making any longer, what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in the music industry?

Tina: That you get discovered and industry people figure everything out for you and you just get to sing and make money. EASY. It couldn’t be more of the opposite. Being an artist is running a small business - the financial investment, the self promotion, understanding the convoluted money splits on the back end of a song... I mean you really have to love the ‘making music’ part of it.

Dan: You have to love it almost more than anything else. There's so much more behind the scenes that people do not think about. Being where you are today, and having just released an awesome single, if you could go back in time to the Tina Mathieu who just started out as a songwriter and artist, what is a piece of advice you would give her?

Tina: Be nice to yourself. It’s ok to tell people that you are a songwriter. You’re not a phony. And you don’t have to hide behind other people’s success… you deserve your own.

Dan: Preach, girl. Also discussing your day-to-day life, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?

Tina: I try to stay as organized as possible - Google docs run my life. Hiking and weed are my stress relievers. Often paired together. :)

Dan: We definitely need those stress relievers to get us through the business. Breaks away from the madness are so important.

A part of this business also includes of failed attempts or let-downs. I feel like they are so common you can easily lose track. Tell us about a time that you feel like you failed musically. How did u overcome this?

Tina: When I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I completely failed musically. I had yet to put out a single, yet to release an EP… and to be honest, I thought that being a mom meant that I had run out of time. I wrote a depressing song that day (that no one has ever heard) and decided to accept my failure as an artist. Luckily, being a songwriter is simply a part of me that won’t go away. It took a few years to start finding my way again - but I’m actually better than I was before and now I have someone very special to impress.

Dan: You are a natural songwriter. I don't think it could go away if you tried to make it! I am really touched by your answer, and I can't help but be grateful for all the badass moms we see in the industry that are killing it. Ya know, Pink, Beyoncé, Adele to name a few... It gives me hope that other moms will be inspired to keep going; that they're not done after having a kid. And I'll be the one to say I am SO glad you didn't give up. We desperately need your music in the world. Also...your kid is ridiculously cute I can't handle it. He'll always be your number one fan!

What is a defining moment of your career and how has it affected your life since?

Tina: Releasing ‘Downward Spiral’ is the most defining moment so far. When I teamed up with the Los Angeles Songwriters Collective for their 2nd EP, I committed to myself that it was time follow through. The past few months have been non-stop songwriting, studio time, gigs, co-write sessions, networking and supporting new artist friends. Making that one commitment changed everything for me.

Dan: I have such a big smile on my face. The gears are turning and there's no stopping now!

Looking to your inspiratioins, tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What would you like to emulate in your own artistry?

Tina: Erykah Badu is my all time favorite artist. Unique in every way. Her voice, words, melodic decisions, storytelling... honest & confident.

“She’s Clever.”

John Mayer is my favorite lyricist - I try to learn a lot from the honesty and details in his poetry. I may or may not have a lyric tattooed around my wrist. (Shhh.. I’m a fangirl!)

I’m not looking to emulate them but rather let what I love in these artists innately come through me - kinda like osmosis.

Dan: You said something SO important right there. I think up and coming artists struggle a lot when they're first releasing music. They listen to their favorite artists and then try to sound like them, but the key is letting what you love about them show in your own way! Ah, I could scream! Nail on the damn head.

So what artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?

Tina: 90’s male R&B slow jam Playlist - Ginuwine, Dru Hill, 112, etc..

Julia Michaels - She is an effortless genius.

Kehlani - Obsessed with her.

Fiona Apple, Tidal - because her words never go out of style (and I still need a dictionary to get through some songs...)

Dan: What a good ass mix! If people reading this have not checked those artists out, GO! Some of them have been featured on SPREAD before... ;)

Laaaaaast but not least at all, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for? ;)

Tina: I’m mostly active on Instagram - @tinamathieumusic. You can listen to ‘Downward Spiral’ on SPREAD CH. 4 - Feels and also stream or download it anywhere music exists. I have a few LA gigs lined up for Sept / Oct, which I’ll be announcing soon - and my newest single, ‘Ring Off’ will be available this fall.

Dan: Y'all heard it from Tina herself! If u haven't already, go check out her new single, 'Downward Spiral' on SPREAD CH.4 and go follow her! LA people, make sure u go see her live to because her music and her voice slays. Thanks again, Tina, for being SPREAD CH.4's featured artist. I'm super excited to see where this next year takes u! :)

-----------------------------------

Thank you everyone for joining us for this month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight! I hope you have let out all the FEELS u can before Friday because a whole new playlist is coming! And it's gonna end with a bang 🎊

[thesinglesjukebox]

KANYE WEST & LIL PUMP FT. ADELE GIVENS - I LOVE IT [3.36] #canceled

Alfred Soto: Well, it's short and samples Adele Givens. [3]

Thomas Inskeep: I'm not actually offended by this, like I expected I might be; this feels like a return to old-school, 2000s Kanye, who wasn't afraid to be silly and ridiculous. And this is more ridiculous than offensive to my ears. What it's most reminiscent of is his 2007 "remix" of Rich Boy's "Throw Some D's," which West flips to talk about breast implants. Because of course the future husband of Kim K. would do that, right? The bassline on "I Love It" is phat (whether stolen or not), Lil Pump is fairly irrelevant, and Kanye's verse is stoopid. The smartest thing about "I Love It" -- besides clocking in at just over two minutes -- is the Adele Givens sample that opens and closes it. This is a throwaway, but it's preferable to ye, put it that way. [6]

Joshua Copperman: Contrary to popular belief, which speculates Kanye has lost touch with What People Want and also Reality, it turns out he's been in touch all along. It's just not with the adult world, but the always robust edgy middle school one. Hooking up with Lil Pump for a video inspired by Roblox, with lines like "I'm a sick fuck I like a quick fuck" primed for humorless Minecraft rewrites and 10-hour editions? That's not (only?) desperate, that's outright savvy. It's somewhat like Eminem's pivot to earnest pop-rap on Recovery, with the opposite approach toward the same demographic. This will probably be all the rage at summer camps next year. Only this pairing can make something so tasteless it wraps back around to harmless. Bonus point for the way Lil Pump attempts to fit the word "ignorant" into his flow, a flow that cannot hold more than two syllables. [6]

Anthony Easton: Who doesn't like having their dick sucked? I mean, that's not some shocking thing, is it anymore? Since when is cocksucking and dirty talk scandalous? Seriously. [4]

Cédric Le Merrer: Sorry, not my kind of stupid. [0]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Lil Pump is focused by Kanye's presence (and production job, which, even though it's just "Fade" again, is far better than anything Pump has ever rapped on) but what Kanye gets from this pairing (other than chart success) is less clear. Like most of his 2018 raps, Ye seems unconcerned with anything that resembles coherence-- and while the whole spoken interlude and repetition routine works better on a song that's inherently jokey, it's still largely a waste of time. At least Adele Givens gets a check off this. [5]

Taylor Alatorre: Using a data set consisting only of this song, you could write the sentence "Lil Pump is a better lyricist than Kanye" and be 100% accurate. "Like a lighter, bitch, we ignant" is the kind of studiously dumb shit that forms the lifeblood of Twitter virality, while "sick fuck / quick fuck" is the half-formed thought you type into a fast-moving Twitch chat and immediately regret after doing so. (It's the latter which has actually gone viral, of course, because we live in a society.) Another contrast: where Lil Pump is focused on making his crudeness as pleasant to the ear as possible, Kanye remains committed to the project of extrapolating his basest impulses onto all aspects of his music. This can still turn up gold sometimes - in this case the airtight production - but mostly it just sounds drained of any forward momentum, an artistic dead-end. If this is what the greatest rap genius of my generation wants to do with his talents, all hail our new SoundCloud overlords. [5]

Tobi Tella: Points for something resembling sex positivity, and that amazing Adele Givens sample. Points off for being one of the most inane things I've ever heard and another desperate move in Kanye's desperate spiral. Remember when we all still thought he was a genius? [2]

Maxwell Cavaseno: Truly a turn of events when you spend a majority of a rapper's verse asking to nobody in the room, in rhetorical despair "Hey, can y'all pull back that Lil Pump verse?". Unfortunately, such is the case of 2018 Kanye. [3]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: A half-hearted quickie. [3]

Nortey Dowuona: Lumpy, bouncy bass slides in under Adele Givens' admittedly funny joke about lazy male sex as limp, lazy drums push up Lil Pump's bored, "done in 20 minutes" raps. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE. NOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHGINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHTINGNOTHINGNOTHING NOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHING [0]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[handsofdarkness]

Interview with SHARON DEN ADEL From WITHIN TEMPTATION

Dutch Symphonic Metaller’s, Within Temptation, are on the verge of an epic return with the release of their seventh studio album Resist, following a four year long break after 2014’s Hydra. AMNplify’s Amy Smith caught up with lead vocalist Sharon Den Adel to find out more about Resist, how a personal ‘Time-out’ helped save the band and whether or not fans can expect to see the band on Aussie shores in the future.

Hi Sharon, how are you today? I’m fine how are you?

A little bit tired, it’s been a bit of a long day! Oh because it’s the end of the day in Australia, of course! It’s just beginning here.

Where in the world are you calling from? From my hometown.

Let’s talk about about the upcoming record Resist. It is a really powerful album,  chock full of anthemic tracks, with a heavy, dirty futuristic sound that really compliments the lyrical content. What was your vision for this album? Do you mean the theme of the album or musically?

Overall. It’s not a concept record, but the lyrics are related to each other more than others. Certain songs are  personal in a way explainable to resist and some songs are a little more politically influenced. Lyrically what we are talking about is the fact that we’ve grown up in a digital age. When I was a kid with a computer, I had  Commodore 64, floppy disk, and those kind of things to play games. We never thought that social media and the internet would become as big as it is nowadays and how it actually influences our lives so much.  So, that’s been an inspiration for us. The of development of technology has nice things like calling you  and sending people files for media and music all over the world; It can buy anything, anywhere, in the world! The not nice thing about this whole development is the fact that you are trackable and traceable at any time, losing anonymity in a way. I think governments have failed to give us good privacy laws before all of this happened. I think companies have a lot of things to say nowadays. Like, Amazon are saying anything, anywhere and it’s kind of dangerous in a way that so many big companies get to say so many things and if they don’t get want they want they just take their company out of your country and they go somewhere else. Also, our lives are being so much controlled by algorithms. What people want you to see is what you get to see. You know? It’s based on previous choices you made on the internet, I think that is a dangerous thing in a way. When I want to know something about politics, I go to certain sites to read about it. If things are pre-selected already for me, I only get to see a certain portion of what is going on. Also, with all these elections where foreign countries are trying to infiltrate and make people vote a certain way I think that’s very dangerous. Those things were like a inspirations for us to write songs, like the Raise Your Banner song. Musically we’ve been very much inspired by urban music. Especially because we think there is a lot of development on that front and in that music scene. I’ll mention somebody, a great band called Twenty One Pilots, which everybody knows of course. They do so many different styles of music! They don’t seem to have any boundaries, just do what they like to make and have fun with that. That’s what we want to do with our music as well! We’ve always been a symphonic band; The symphonic music will be there combined with new modern elements of urban music. So, that’s been the inspiration for us for this album.

Full interview in here.

[wontonkatsu-blog]

Blog #13: POP! Reflection // Jessica Rahel

May 11, 2017 

On Tuesday, May 9th, we did our POP show with the other AAS 218 class. POP stands for Producing Our Power, which I think really fits what the performances in the show are about. I think it is about producing and earning the power that was not handed to us in the first place. Whether it be our age, the color of our skin, the languages we speak, our gender, or the way we present ourselves, there are people who look down on us. There are people who do not see us the way we see each ourselves and each other. Each and every one of us know our own strengths and weaknesses. POP was a way to express ourselves and to step outside our comfort zone.

Before POP, I was really clueless as to what I wanted to do. Because it is my last semester of college, I really wanted to take it easy for POP and do something that I’m comfortable with, like play the piano as background music or be an extra in a video. On the other hand, I was also very inspired by everyone in class to go all out for POP. It’s my last semester after all. If not now, then when? I felt conflicted.

I ended up going all out.

I ended up doing something that I’ve always wanted to do since I was younger. To star in a music video and record a cover of a song.

Our POP group, DNA, made a complete remake of the song and music video of the song “Awake” by Jin of BTS. I wrote a really long blog post about how I came up with the idea to remake this song, which you can read about here. I’ll write a shorter version of the story here anyway. I listened to the song for the first time at 4am in the morning on a Thursday (April 6), came up with the idea at 1pm, and pitched the idea to my group in class at 4pm. It was a really impulsive decision since everything happened within the span of less than 12 hours. I could not even keep up with myself that day. My excitement level drained my energy so much that I asked myself that night, “What the hell did I get myself into?” Here’s what I got myself into:

1. After forming our groups, I had to switch mindsets. I had to go from “I just want to take it easy” to “LET’S DO SOMETHING NEW!”

2. I re-learned how to breathe properly in order to sing properly with my old choir teacher, Rosa Ng.

3. I learned how to use a software that composes music. I’ve never done that before. I’ve always composed music on paper. Composing music on a computer felt so professional to me.

4. I learned that viola players read music in what is called an “alto clef”. I didn’t know what an alto clef was until this project happened. I didn’t know that such thing exists aside from treble and bass clefs. Thanks, KC, my friend who is an orchestra director, for telling me about the alto clef BEFORE I composed the viola part to the treble clef!

5. I experienced that feeling of being stuck in a recording studio for 5 hours, fueled by boba, water, and fries.

6. I started paying attention to how K-Pop males have their makeup done (I just wanted to look like Jin ok…)

7. I learned how to wear white. That’s considered a miracle, to those who personally know me.

8. I learned more ways on how one can move the camera to create beautiful shots. Thanks, Floris.

9. I experienced a wave of disappointment after realizing that we won’t be able to use any of the viola parts that we recorded. I worked so hard to compose it and even learned a new clef.

10. I got back on my feet after that disappointment and took it as a learning experience. I got to compose music for the viola! If I need to compose for a viola part in the future, I now know what to do.

11. I learned how to accept the things that I can’t change and change the things that I can.

12. I learned to let go and hand over big responsibilities. In the past semesters, I’ve always taken the big responsibilities so that I don’t have to worry about other people messing up. This semester, I had to leave it to the more experienced people and let it go. It was hard at first, but I finally convinced myself to just let go and focus on doing my part, which was to compose the music and look pretty for the music video.

13. I learned that I would rather die than have my group members skip a meal.

14. I am still learning that not everything has to be perfect.

15. I got some basic Mandarin lessons (IN COLLEGE) from “Professors” Hu (Chao) and Cheng (Peter).

16. I got to sing in Korean and Mandarin!

The end result:

Originally, I chose this song because I felt the lyrics when I listened to it at 4am that one morning. The chorus, “Maybe I, I could never fly… but I will still struggle and fight” really stood out to me. I always feel this way. I don’t think I’ll ever reach the “level” of where some of my friends are, but at least I can try to. My friends are earning higher degrees in college while I’m here graduating with a bachelor’s degree. I’m average in playing piano. I’m average at a lot of things. This could be due to how I’ve been spreading myself too thin throughout college. I did a lot of things, but I was average. I learned a lot of things, but I’m still average. I don’t stand out from the crowd, because I’m average.

To relate this to the concepts we learned in class, we decided to make this song about Asian-American success. What defines success? Is it becoming an accountant? Lawyer? Doctor? What about becoming a teacher and inspire children to be the best? A professional musician? A YouTuber? As Asian-Americans, we feel like we have to follow the crowd of other Asian-Americans. Our parents and society expect us to achieve a higher education. They expect us to become nurses, doctors, lawyers, or working in business. In the music video, I had 4 occupations: doctor, marketer, pianist, and a photographer. Other people expect us to become doctors or work in business. However, becoming and musician or a photographer is a big risk because it’s very hard for us Asian-Americans to succeed in those areas.

What about our own dreams? This song talks about how even if we don’t feel like we’re enough and that we feel lost in life, we can still struggle and fight for our own sake. It’s not too late. The word “awake” in this song, in my opinion, means that we are aware of who we are: not good enough. But we still keep going and run a bit more. It’s okay to not be what our parents or society expects us to be. Their meaning of “success” can mean “failure” to us. If we are rich and successful in someone else’s eyes yet we are unhappy, our success means nothing. If we are still seen as a failure in their eyes but successful and happy in our own eyes, then we have succeeded nonetheless.

This project is a literal example of how I relate to this song. I don’t know how to sing, but I’m going to try. I don’t really know how to compose music, but I’m going to try. I’m not that pretty, but I’m going to try to look pretty. None of us are professionals, but we did it. And we succeeded.

I love how everyone brought something to the plate. At first, I was concerned that not everyone will contribute because of the limited roles that I had written down. I wanted to be the only singer at first, but that wouldn’t include everyone else. Eventually, we added more singers- Lucy, Seoyoung, Haruka, and even Chao! I think Lucy’s voice stood out the most. She has no problem reaching those high notes that everyone usually struggles with. Seoyoung and Haruka are also really good, even though they said they can’t reach the higher notes. They have such beautiful and distinct voices. Chao honestly wasn’t that bad when he is serious about singing. When I heard him sing prior to recording, he wasn’t serious about it so he didn’t sound very good to my ears. I thought that was how he really sings, which was why I hesitated to put him on the track. However, putting him on the track gave the song a bit of humor because he’s the only male singer and the fact that a male suddenly sings at the end of the song. Peter and Chao helped greatly with translating part of the song to Mandarin and also starred in the music video. Eric helped Floris direct, and Floris put everything together. We all worked hard together and I’m so proud of everyone. Floris and I listened to the finished song in an Uber on the way back from a shoot. I was tearing up because it was so beautiful. Floris made everyone sound like little Sam Smiths (not really but close enough). I love the song and I love how we got to sing it for this class.

Shoutout to Cornerstone for letting us use their recording studio! :D

I also enjoy the music video. We were inspired by the original music video and re-created some of the scenes, such as in the beginning when I took off the earphones, the hallway scenes, and the Polaroids. Ever since I discovered Fort Point with my friend last year, I started bringing my other friends there. It was like a secret place to me. Fort Point is a beautiful place with dark hallways and has a great view from the rooftop. It’s free admission, too! When I found out that Floris wanted to shoot there, I was THRILLED. That place means a lot to me and I’m glad that we got to shoot there. I also love the shots that she took of me. She made me look like Adele (again, not really since Adele is bae and I’m lame). I learned a lot from her and Eric, and hope to make my own content in the future one day.

There are also some things that we could have improved on. For example, we could have found a better person to sing the first and second verse. Even though I can reach those low notes doesn’t mean that I should. The recording doesn’t sound as good as me singing it out loud, but what’s done is done. I also didn’t compose the entire thing from scratch. The music at the beginning of the music video was taken from the original music video all the way until the first verse starts. So, the piano at the beginning wasn’t me, and the violin part also came straight from the original. Also, throughout the song, the violin part was taken from a Youtuber named Jun Sung Ahn since we couldn’t use Allayne’s viola recordings (it did not fit well with the song).  If I had known that we couldn’t use Allayne’s recordings, we could have found a violin player who can play for us. This was a learning experience where I had to tell myself to let it go. So what, those parts are not from scratch? We still did our best. The deadline was coming up soon. There was nothing much else that we can do. In terms of the music video, I honestly could have looked better. The loose hair strand in the beginning of the music video bothers me more than I should, even though no one cares other than me. We did a great job overall. That’s what really matters.

Special thanks (This is going to get real cheesy)

Thank you, Professor Irene Duller, for this opportunity for me to live my dream and express myself in a way that I never thought I would ever get to do in my college years.

Thank you, Kevin, Mav, and Khanh, for believing in us, encouraging us, and helping us keep up the progress throughout this project.  

Thank you, Allayne, for learning the song and coming to the recording session.

Thank you, Uncle Harry, for taking the time off your workday to help us with the drums.

Thank you, KC, for teaching me more about orchestral music and helping me compose.

Thank you, Rosa, for being patient and teaching me how to sing again.

Thank you, my friends from outside this class, for your excitement, encouragement, and prayers.

Thank you, Troy (the only Wontonkatsu member who isn’t in our group) for your support for us and believing in us.

Thank you, DNA for all your hard work in making a dream of mine come to life.

POP Highlight

I loved every single moment of the show. I was really hungry and asked someone from the group chat to bring us food, and thankfully Chao saved the day with some bread and boba. First, I enjoyed Dreamer’s skit because Troy is in it, and seeing one of our own group members on stage gave me a proud big sister moment. In this skit, Troy was the main character’s friend and the supporting character. I think they did a really good job in touching upon a really touchy subject, which is depression, without overly exaggerating or offensive. I also enjoyed the fashion show. I could tell that they put in a lot of work putting together all the outfits. My favorite is Linh’s dress. I think it’s really pretty and feminine, and it looks like you can wear it to any kind of party without being overdressed or underdressed. And Dangerous Divas… I love how they stayed together as a group and kept their name. It just shows how powerful they are and what they can accomplish together. I recorded their entire performance because I love their dances so much. They did a really good job in showcasing what it means for women to be empowered. Shaolin Showdown was amazing. The spoken word guys were very powerful and their words really touched me. Allayne did a great job playing the viola in an intense fashion. The very last group ended the show with a brilliant dance performance that left everyone shook. We took photos afterward. It was an amazing night filled with lots of talent and fun.

- Jessica Rahel