#i might have seemed super drunk. which is not a good way to come off at a euth in general

[science-doyourstuff]

I had to do client counseling for a euthanasia today at the vet clinic while extremely delirious with a fever and I am pretty sure I fucked it up

[polarspaz]

NikaEffect AU

While under the influence of Nika, Sanji gains some interesting powers, but the most notable ability he obtains is his "Allure" The best way I can explain it, is like how Bugs Bunny gets so many of his enemies to play along with his hijinks. He can't outright control people, but he can overwhelm them and make them act in ways they never would.

A good example of this is when Sanji transforms for the first time.

Sanji and Zoro are bickering in the kitchen and everything seems normal until Sanji's heart starts to feel funny. He panics, thinking it might have something to do with his Germa genetics, but that fear is abruptly smothered by overwhelming joy.

It's intoxicating, he feels beyond drunk, and Sanji can't stop the laughter that starts spilling from his lips. He looks up to see Zoro frozen stiff in front of him, his face etched in slight horror and Sanji suddenly feels mischievous. He darts forward before Zoro can react and kicks him through the galley doors and onto deck of the Sunny.

He slides out after the Swordsman, grinning ear to ear in sheer delight, ignoring the alarm of the rest of the crew before going after Zoro again with another kick. He's trying to spar with the other man, but his new boost in abilities is making the fight very one sided. It's not helping ease the distressing amount of power that's now burning inside him.

"Boring!" Is the only warning Zoro gets before Sanji grabs his arms and spins. It takes a moment for Zoro to understand what is happening, but the fight has evolved into some kind of dance. His feet and body are moving in perfect tune with Sanji, like they've practiced this a thousand times before, but Zoro's never danced like this in his entire life.

It should disturb him more, not being in control of his body, but the sheer elation and joy coming from Sanji softens the fear. There's no malice to this, in fact it's kind of of enjoyable, being swept in this sheer high that's permeating from Sanji. It reminds him of bathing in the warm sun.

They only stop when Luffy declares he wants to dance too, and instead of snapping at him, Sanji just smiles wider, drops Zoro like a lead weight, before grabbing the Captain with a delighted chuckle. "Anything for my Mon cher capitaine!"

Zoro can only watch dumbfounded as Sanji pulls a flower from his hair, placing it between his teeth, and starts dancing with Luffy up in the sky. It's crazy to watch, especially with how Sanji takes full advantage of Luffy's ability to stretch, but it also shows that Luffy seems to be under the same effect Zoro was. Luffy couldn't dance to save his life, but there he was, pulling off moves he couldn't even comprehend with pure ease.

+Sanji other abilities include super speed, which he usually uses to make ludicrous large, delicious meals in seconds. (Yes, he is making the food cook faster too) -He can also float/fly. -The Nika power can last up to thirty minutes or an hour. When it's gone, Sanji is completely, and utterly wasted. He's emotionally numb and his body won't even move, meaning Zoro usually has to carry his ass to bed every time this happens.

-Why does this happen? No one knows. They try to find some kind of commonality to these sudden transformations but there seems to be no connecting factor, and for some reason, poor Sanji gets it the worse.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for telling someone i can't be friends with them and returning a gift?

buckle up gamers, this is gonna be a long one. so i (22nb but i present fem) was out at the bars the other night just kinda hanging out, and a girl (26f) came up and started talking to me. she didnt really seem...super present i guess? and i talked to her to be nice and she had a cool outfit on. well i was a little drunk and ended up giving her my phone number and meeting her husband (39m) and they walked me home. the whole time she was talking about how she doesn't have any friends and her ex friends just wanted to get with her husband. she told me she was bi and i was like hey me too but im not interested in sex so that was cool. she ended up walking me home w her husband bc it was late which was nice, but they seemed really shocked i lived in such a nice apartment(i do, its expensive but my parents pay for it. im really privileged to be able to do that).

i saw her again today because she kept texting me about wanting to hang out, so i went for ice cream with her bc it was in a public place and i wasnt super comfortable going back to her apt with her. i paid for her ice cream bc she said her card wasnt working, nbd bc my parents have money and her and her husband aren't really well off. i said she could pay me back sometime, buy me ice cream or whatever another day, but she really fixated on it. she told me her husband thought i was cute which made me a little uncomfortable but i laughed it of, and then she kept talking about how she was bi and would date a girl and how she approached me not to date but to be a friend and then 'see where it goes.' she also told me she did porn online to make money which is fine w me, that she's on disability but that the money isnt really enough to live on, and that she'd been raped in the past and drugged which yanno a little overshare-y considering ive known her for three days but she really seemed like she needed someone to talk to and im good at listening. well her husband showed up out of nowhere bc he apparently tracks her phone and we all went back to their apartment bc i couldn't say no(im a doormat. i know) and she ended up giving me two pieces of jewelry in return for buying her ice cream which felt a little like overkill. i tried to refuse but she said she wouldn't ever wear them again so it would be fine. it was really kind of her but now i kind of feel i owe her back for them. the whole time i was there they seemed really eager to get me to move in nearby, and while its true that area is definitely cheaper my parents are really fine paying for my expensive apartment bc my tuition is a lot cheaper than my sibling's. she and her husband walked me home again, mentioning they might be going on a cruise in november if they could save up the money and that they could bring a friend. i said id almost definitely have school which they seemed to accept. they kind of seemed to want to see my place, but i told them it was really messy(it is) i have anxiety around having people in my space(i do) and that maybe they could come up another day and i could make dinner, and she told me she didn't like people cooking for her bc she'd been drugged in the past and that i could go over to their apartment again instead.

my parents think theres some really big red flags going on and i should try to break this off sooner rather than later. i pretty much agree. im not gonna ghost her and they dont think i should either, but that i should somehow return the jewelry in a kind way and tell her i cant really be super close friends. my mom had the idea to draw myself wearing the jewelry and then say i still have a memory of it but to return it bc i cant accept such a nice gift which i could try to do.

to be clear i am shit at communication and setting boundaries, im very aware of that, and most of this can be solved by telling her hey i can't accept this gift and im really busy for school a lot and im sorry i cant be as much as a friend as you need. but i still kinda feel like tah for leading her on almost and then breaking it off like everyone else in her life. ive been under a lot of stress bc of school and my stepgrandmother passing and trying to take care of my grandfather so trying to be friends with someone that seems kind of high maintenance is not really tenable for me.

so, wibta if i tried to let her down gently?

What are these acronyms?

[hockey-fics]

A Love Worth Changing For ~ Nico Hischier

Summary: Your commitment to yourself to stay out of a relationship becomes harder to keep when you meet someone who just might be worth breaking your promises for.

Word count: ~8,900

Warnings: Drinking (quite a bit), implied/vaguely mentioned smut, throwing up, toxic behaviours.

A/N: I kind of hate how this turned out, to be honest. It's not super well edited because I didn't want to read through it yet another time.

You didn’t want to be in a relationship. It was a promise you made to yourself. You wouldn’t get into a relationship until you were done with school. You had high expectations for yourself in your years at university. You wanted to do well, that was a given. Staying out of a relationship would only leave you with more time to study. But you also wanted these years to explore who you were as a person, casually date, figure out what you wanted in a partner and what kind of partner you wanted to be. 

It wasn’t hard, at least not for the first few years. Until you decided to go to grad school and decided to keep your commitment to not having any romantic commitment. And then came your second hurdle, when you met Nico.  

October 2021

Standing at the kitchen counter you fill a bowl with a bag of chips that you know will go mostly untouched in favour of drinks, but it was the thought that mattered, right? Your phone vibrates on the counter and your eyes fall to your bright screen. A text from Jack. Unlocking your phone you read the message, asking if he could bring a couple friends. Sighing to yourself you reply that it was fine, though you were a little nervous about who Jack was going to be bringing to a party you were already worried might be getting too large. 

Before long your apartment is full of people, half of which you didn’t know, tagging along with the half that you did. You’re in the kitchen mixing yourself an unnecessarily strong drink of tequila and orange juice when you feel someone tap you on the shoulder. Turning around your eyes focus on Jack. 

“Hey,” you greet, pulling him into a quick, friendly hug. Jack. You met him when you both arrived in New Jersey, him to play for the Devils and you to start your undergrad degree. It was an instant connection, but not the kind your friends had speculated. You understood that he was attractive, you knew that almost everyone seemed to fall for him. But your connection with him felt more like a brother than anything more. “How was your game?”

“It was good…It would be really cool if you would like watch a game once in awhile,” Jack jokes. 

“I was busy,” you whine, taking a large sip of your drink. 

“Busy with what?”

“Preparing this place to sustain the damage of another party,” you inform him. “And pre-gaming.”

“I see how it is, rather get drunk than come see me play.”

Rolling your eyes you lean back against the counter. “Honestly, yeah,” you joke. Your eyes travel over Jack’s shoulder, to the man standing behind him, hands shoved in his pockets, glancing around uncertainly. “Hi,” you call to him, catching his attention. “I’m Y/N.”

“Hey, uh, I’m Nico,” he tells you, shuffling his way between Jack and some other guy you had yet to meet. “Is this your place?”

“Yeah,” you tell him, hearing a shattering of glass from the other side of the kitchen. “Unfortunately,” you add with a breath of laughter. “I should go deal with that, I’ll talk to you later, Nico,” you tell him, placing your hand on his arm as you slip by him in the direction of the shattering sound. 

After helping clean up the mess of broken glass and spilled beer you head back into the kitchen, needing another drink. You find Jack and Nico nearly exactly where you had left them, discussing something with an intensity that piques your interest. 

“Am I missing something?” you ask Jack, pouring yourself another drink. 

“He thinks you’re hot,” Jack states boldly. 

You’re caught off guard by how easily he offers the information, especially when you see Nico elbow him in the side, clearly not wanting him to have said that. “Oh?” you say, turning to face Nico, a playful smile on your lips. 

“I, uh,” Nico begins, eyes falling to the ground. “Yeah,” he finally mutters. 

Giggling you take a sip of your drink, stepping a little closer to him. “Well, I think you’re pretty hot as well,” you tell him, hoping it would ease some of the awkward tension that had fallen on the conversation. 

“This is gross,” Jack mutters, gulping back half of his beer in one go. 

“You’re the one who brought it up, dumbass,” you remind him, spinning to lean against the counter beside Nico. “Tell me more about yourself,” you say to Nico. 

“What do you want to know?”

Shrugging you glance down to his empty hands. “Do you not drink?”

“I offered to drive him home,” Nico tells you, nodding towards Jack. 

“Drive Jack home?” you mutter, eyebrows furrowed. “Jack never goes home after he gets drunk here.”

“Oh, I, uh, didn’t know you two were-,” Nico stammers, shaking his head as he glances over to Jack with an incredulous look. 

“That’s not what I meant,” you exclaim with wide eyes. “He sleeps on the couch.”

“Oh,” Nico chuckles. 

“So, does that mean you’re going to have a drink?”

Nico shrugs, looking over at Jack, who was already on his third beer. “I still need to drive myself home.”

“I’m sure we can find you somewhere to sleep,” you tell him. 

And find him somewhere to sleep was exactly what you did, in your bed right next to you. 

When you wake up the next morning your arm is slung over Nico’s chest, your head on his shoulder. Slowly you pull your body away from him, tugging the sheets up over your naked body as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. 9:35 AM. 

“Morning,” Nico mumbles tiredly.

“Morning,” you reply, glancing down at him with a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Alright,” Nico shrugs. “Tired.”

“Me too,” you laugh. “Do you want some coffee or something?”

“If you’re going to make some for yourself I’ll have some.”

Climbing out of bed you pull some clothes on, shuffling out of your room to take in the damage from the night before. The kitchen counters are littered with cans and bottles, sticky with spilled drinks. Sighing to yourself you grab a bag, beginning the long process of post-party clean up. Nico is at your side a second later, tossing cans into the bag you were holding. 

“You don’t need to clean up, it’s okay,” you assure him, not wanting him to feel obligated to help clean your apartment after a party you decided to throw. 

“I don’t mind,” Nico shrugs. “I’m sure some of it is my mess.”

His justification makes you giggle, knowing that he had been one of the only people the night before to ask you where you wanted him to put his empty cans. You finish clearing off the counter together, wiping it down before making a pot of coffee. While it was brewing you stand at the counter, Nico in front of you, his hands on your hips as he looks down at you. 

“So do you think I can get your number?” Nico asks. 

Running your hands up his arms you rest them on his shoulders, smiling playfully up at him. “Yeah, I think maybe I could give you my number.”

Leaning down Nico presses his lips to yours again, gently and slowly, tugging your hips closer to his body.

“Get a room.”

Pulling back from Nico you look across the kitchen to where Jack was now standing. “You know this is my apartment, right?” you joke, pulling your arms back from Nico. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Sure,” Jack mumbles, leaning tiredly into the counter. “Do you have that girl’s number?”

“Who?” you ask, pressing your palms into the counter, hopping up onto it. 

“You know, the one I was talking to.”

“Do you even remember her name?”

“Yeah,” Jack mutters dismissively. 

“What is it then?”

“Do you have her number or not?” Jack exclaims, rubbing his fingers over his temples. 

“Yes,” you tell him with a sigh. “I’m not giving you her number if you can’t even remember her name.”

Jack lets out a loud groan, shaking his head. “Fine, whatever,” he grumbles. 

Nico glances up at you with a look that told you he agreed with your decision. “You remember my name, right?” you joke. 

Nico chuckles, leaning up to press his lips to your again. “Of course,” he tells you. 

After the coffee is done brewing you pour a few mugs, adding some cream to your coffee. Heading into the living room you curl up on the couch, leaning into Nico when he sits down beside you. The three of you sit in the living room, talking about the night before while finishing your coffee. 

Shortly after finishing his coffee Jack decides to get an Uber home, leaving you and Nico alone again. You spend the majority of the day cuddled up with Nico on the couch, watching movie after movie as the hangover slowly begins to leave your body. 

“When are you free for me to take you on a date?” Nico asks after the end of yet another movie. 

Sitting up you pull your body away from Nico, turning to look over at him. “Nico, I do like you but I feel like I should tell you that I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.”

“Does that mean I don’t get to see you again?”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” you giggle, shaking your head. “I just wanted you to know that.”

“Okay,” Nico says with a shrug. “How about Wednesday night?”

“Wednesday night sounds good to me,” you reply, leaning over and kissing him gently. 

Wednesday night comes around quickly and your date goes incredibly well. As does the next date, and all the ones after that. It wasn’t long till you were spending almost all your spare time together. 

There was a connection you had with Nico that was undeniable. But you were holding onto your promise to yourself that you weren’t going to get into a relationship. 

December 2021

You’re finally packing clothes for your trip home, having just finished your exams a few days earlier. Going home for the holidays was always one of the highlights of your year, when you could finally relax without worrying about assignments or classes or exams. Folding a few sweaters you set them into the suitcase on your bed, a sudden knock on your door startling you. 

Heading through your apartment you hesitantly pull the door open, relaxing when you see Nico standing in front of you. “What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to see you before you left,” Nico explains, stepping inside. “And I wanted to bring you this.”

Your eyes fall to the wrapped box in his hand. “A Christmas present?”

“Yeah,” Nico chuckles, setting it into your hands. 

“Why?” you whisper, looking up into his eyes. “You didn’t have to get me anything, we’re not-.”

“We’re not together, I know,” Nico interrupts, having heard the line from you over and over again at various times throughout the last few months. Not together, just friends with benefits...who also happened to be going on frequent dates.

Sighing you set the present down onto the table by the door, reaching over to take his hands. “Well, thank you,” you whisper, leaning up and pressing your lips to his. “But you really didn’t have to.”

“You’re welcome,” Nico says, pulling you into a hug. “When do you have to be at the airport?”

“Tomorrow morning at eight.”

“I can drive you…if you want,” Nico offers. 

Pulling back you smile up at him, fingers running down his arms. “That would be great, thank you. Do you have plans tonight?”

“No.”

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” 

A smirk forms on Nico’s lips, his hands finding their way to your hips. “Yes.”

Giggling you lean up, kissing him again. This time you don’t pull back immediately, your arms finding their way over his shoulders. His tongue brushes against yours and you push yourself closer to him, fingers curling into the fabric of his sweater. 

“Let’s go to my room,” you mumble against his lips before taking his hand and pulling him through your apartment to your bedroom. 

“Do you need to finish packing?” Nico asks, his eyes falling to the suitcase on your bed, piles of clothes laying around your room. 

“It can wait,” you assure him, setting your suitcase onto the ground. You’re on the bed a second later, letting Nico pull your clothes off. Hands grasping at each other, both knowing that you’d have to go a few weeks without getting to see each other, without getting to touch each other. 

Nico makes you finish more times than you ever had in one night, till you’re a shaky, flushed mess. Maybe it was because you would be apart from each other for awhile, maybe he was trying to leave a lasting impression, keep you from wanting to be with anyone else. Whatever the reason, you were more than okay with it. 

“I should probably finish packing,” you whisper, head laying on Nico’s shoulder, fingers grazing over his chest. 

“Do you need help or anything?” Nico offers.

“No, there’s not that much left to do,” you tell him as you pull some clothes back on. 

Nico spends the rest of the evening keeping you company while you finish packing and doing last minute preparation around your apartment. By the time you get to bed that night you know that neither of you was going to end up with an adequate amount of sleep that night. But you didn’t mind if it meant spending more time with Nico. 

June 2022

You were prepared to spend the summer away from Nico. You didn’t want to, that much you needed to admit. But you weren’t his girlfriend, he wasn’t your boyfriend. There was no reason for any variation to Nico’s normal summer plans. 

So you had said goodbye to him the night before he flew back to Switzerland to spend time with his friends and family. You managed to hold back your emotions till he left and you couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. 

You kept yourself busy, picking up extra shifts when you could to keep your mind off of missing him. You knew it wasn’t normal, to have these feelings for someone who you were refusing to be more than just friends with benefits with. 

Of course the two of you continued talking, text messages being exchanged when the time difference would allow for it. But it wasn’t until he called you one evening that you were really reminded that whatever was going on between you two was a lot more than what you were willing to say out loud. 

“Hey,” you greet as you answer the phone, sitting in your living room, watching re-runs of your favourite TV show. 

“Hi,” Nico replies, his voice was quiet but you could hear a slight slur in his words. “What are you doing?”

“Uh, not a lot, watching TV,” you tell him, sitting up straighter on the couch, eyes narrowing as you stare at the other end of the couch. “What are-,” you can’t even finish asking what he was doing before he cuts you off. 

“With who?” Nico asks and there’s something in his tone that makes you feel like it’s more of an accusation than a genuine question. 

“Nobody…why?”

“You’re watching TV by yourself on a Friday night?”

“Well it’s 6PM here,” you remind him. “But yes, I’m watching TV alone, why?”

“Right,” Nico mutters. “I miss you.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No,” Nico replies quickly. “Yes,” he admits just as quickly, without you even needing to question him on it. “We went out for drinks, I had too many.”

“Well did you at least have fun?” you ask, holding back a laugh. 

“Yeah…I wish you were here though.”

Your silent for a little too long, wracking your brain for what to say. ‘Me too’ didn’t feel right, even if it was the truth. “You’ll be back in a couple months,” you finally whisper. 

“I don’t want to wait that long,” Nico mumbles. “I want you to come here.”

Laughing softly you roll your eyes to yourself, leaning back into the couch. 

“I’m not joking,” Nico states, clearly taking offence to your laughter. 

“I can’t,” you tell him, nervously fiddling with a loose thread on your shorts. 

“Why not? I’ll buy you a flight, you can stay with me or I can get you a hotel or whatever, it doesn't matter.”

“That’s not the problem, Nico,” you tell him, though if you were seriously considering his suggestion it probably would have been a problem.

“Then what is?”

“We-,” you begin, pausing to take a deep breath. “We’re not together…I’m not your girlfriend, Nico. I’m not going to fly halfway across the world and meet your friends and family when we’re not even together,” you explain. 

The silence that follows is so long that you begin to wonder if he was even still there. But you sit in the silence, with each second growing more and more uncomfortable.

“I love you.”

“Nico,” you whisper, eyes welling with tears. You weren’t even sure where your emotions were coming from, but they were beyond overwhelming. “You don’t…you don’t mean that. You’re drunk-.”

“I do,” Nico insists, knowing where you were about to go with your sentence. Maybe he wasn’t as drunk as you thought, but you didn’t want to truly admit that. 

“Can we talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Nico mumbles. 

“Get some sleep, okay?” 

“Okay,” Nico whispers. “Have a good night.”

The two of you did talk the next day. But at no point did either of you bring up the night before. Maybe he didn’t remember it. Maybe he no longer wanted to discuss it now that his mind was no longer clouded by alcohol. Either way you were pretty sure it was the best outcome for both you and him. 

October 2022

“I like this one,” you say, pointing out a small pumpkin sitting on the edge of a pallet in the pumpkin patch. 

“It’s so small,” Nico comments, chuckling as he stands next to you, staring down at the little pumpkin. 

Shrugging you lean down, picking it up. “It’s cute.”

“Like you,” Nico says with a smirk, already anticipating your response. 

Rolling your eyes you jokingly take a step away from him. “Gross.”

Reaching over Nico takes your hand, tugging you back towards him. “I know you like it.”

Shaking your head you let go of his hand, running it up his arm to wrap around his shoulders. Pushing yourself onto your tip toes you press your lips to his. “I do,” you admit, stepping back from him. “Now pick your pumpkin so we can go home and carve them.”

After Nico picks out and pays for the pumpkins you head back to your apartment, stopping on your way there to pick up dinner and a couple bottles of wine. 

“Do you want the shiraz or the zinfandel?” you call to Nico, pulling a couple glasses of wine out from the cupboard. 

Glancing over your shoulder you watch Nico set the pumpkins down on the table, a smile on his face. “You know that I don’t know the difference.”

Giggling you open the drawer in the kitchen, rifling through it for your wine opener. “I want to try the zinfandel,” you tell him, jumping as you feel his hands on your hips, tugging your back into his chest. 

“Sounds great to me,” Nico whispers, leaning down and kissing your neck gently. 

With a quiet, pleasure filled sigh you let yourself melt into him, the warmth of his body radiating into you. “Thanks for doing this with me.”

“Doing what?” Nico asks, letting you turn around in his arms to face him. 

“This whole pumpkin thing, I know it’s kind of stupid as adults,” you explain. 

Nico shakes his head, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his arms. “It’s not stupid and you don’t need to thank me, I wanted to do this,” Nico assures you. 

“I l-,” you begin, stopping yourself short as you realize what you were about to say. I love you. Swallowing heavily you pull yourself back from him, quickly turning around, fumbling with the wine opener. 

“What were you going to say?”

Shaking your head you twist the screw into the cork, fingers shaking nervously. “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” Nico insists, reaching over and placing his hand on your lower back, trying to get your attention again. “Just talk to me.”

“I said it doesn’t matter,” you snap, struggling to wiggle the cork out of the bottle. As the cork pops out of the top of the bottle the sudden change in force sends the bottle slipping across the counter, red wine sloshing out all over the counter as the bottle clatters onto the counter. “Fuck,” you mutter, eyes welling with tears as you reach for the bottle, quickly standing it back up. 

As you reach for the towel hanging on the handle of the oven Nico catches your hands, pulling you to face him. “Slow down,” he says gently. “What’s going on?”

The tears that had welled up in your eyes were slipping down your cheeks now, your hands stilled by Nico’s hands stopping you from wiping them away. “I love you,” you exclaim. “Is that what you want to hear?”

Nico is quiet for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around you, rubbing your back gently. “I only want to hear it if you mean it.”

You don’t answer him. You knew you should answer him. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t bring yourself to say it again, you could barely say it once. “I need to clean up the wine,” you whisper, wiggling out of Nico’s arms. 

“You should use the paper towel, you’ll stain that one,” Nico tells you, gesturing to the towel you had originally reached for. 

“Right,” you whisper, nodding slowly as you stare up at him. You didn’t know what you had expected out of him after that, but it sure wasn’t cleaning tips. After cleaning up the wine from the counter you excuse yourself to the bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror. Wiping away the remnant of your tears you take a few deep breaths, eventually managing to calm yourself enough to venture back to the kitchen. 

When you step into the room your eyes find Nico at the table, two glasses of wine and the pumpkins in front of him. “What-?”

“You don’t want to carve them anymore?” Nico asks. 

“I-,” you begin, walking through the room to sit down at the table with him. “Yeah, I do.”

For awhile the two of you sit in relative silence, the energy in the room feeling tense. But by the time your glass of wine was empty the tension had dissipated. 

You knew you loved him. You knew you meant it when you said it. You knew it before but something in that evening only made you love him even more. He didn’t push you. He didn’t make you feel bad. He was there for you, with you, in whatever way you wanted in that moment. 

November 2022

“Jack, I don’t feel good,” you whisper, glancing around the packed night club. 

Jack turns his attention away from the group of your friends that he was in the midst of a conversation with. His eyes land on you, nodding slowly as he reaches out, placing his hand on your side to steady your swaying body. “Come on,” he mumbles, guiding you through the building and into one of the single stall bathrooms. 

You’re only in the bathroom for a second before you’re hovering over the toilet, the plethora of drinks you had consumed that night coming right back up. 

“I’m going to get you some water,” Jack tells you, turning to open the door. “Stay here, okay?”

Nodding you flush the toilet, standing up and placing your hands on the edge of the counter, a steady surface to steady your not so steady self against. You turn the lock on the door, leaning into the counter again, taking deep breath to try to keep 

Jack returns a few moments later with a glass of water which you gratefully take. After downing half the glass you feel your eyes fill with tears, drunk mind racing with emotions. “Does he hate me?” you mutter, looking over at Jack. 

“What?” Jack asks, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Nico,” you whisper. “Does he hate me? He asked me to take things further again yesterday and I said no.”

“I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him in a few days,” Jack tells you. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Refusing to be his girlfriend and now you’re crying about him.”

Your eyes fall to the ground, trying to find some sort of valid explanation for him. “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now,” you finally whisper. 

“Why? You’re obviously into him,” Jack retorts quickly. 

“Because, I’m supposed to figure out who I am in university, Jack. I’m supposed to have crazy, fun experiences with new people and I’m not supposed to find the person I’m going to be with for the rest of my life right now and-.”

“He’s not asking you to marry him,” Jack interrupts. “Why are you worried about spending the rest of your life with him right now?”

“Because I don’t want to get my heart broken, I don’t want to get hurt,” you mutter. 

“You’re crying about him in a bathroom,” Jack exclaims, shaking his head. “You’re already hurt.”

“No,” you whisper, sniffling softly, tears rolling down your cheeks again. You didn’t want to admit Jack was right, you didn’t want to admit that everything you had done in the last year to keep Nico at a distance had been for nothing. “I want to go home.”

“You can come back to my place,” Jack offers with a sigh, clearly not wanting his night to be over but also not about to leave you alone. 

“I’ll just get an Uber,” you tell him, pulling your phone from your pocket. 

“I’m not letting you Uber home alone right now.”

You knew it was coming from a place of concern, but you really didn’t want to be the one to wreck his plans for the night. Whatever those plans were. “Fine,” you mutter. “But I don’t want to force you to go home.”

“Well all your friends are here and they’re also drunk so what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know,” you whine, tipping your head back to look at the ceiling. The tiles are spinning in your mind and your head feels heavy, but you manage to lift it again before the spinning brings on another round of nausea. Your eyes land on Jack, watching him typing something quickly into his phone. You manage to restrain your drunken nosiness from asking who he was talking to, staying silent. 

“Nico is going to pick you up,” Jack tells you a few minutes later, making your heart race. 

“No,” you exclaim, shaking your head. You couldn’t let him see you like this. 

“He’s already on his way,” Jack tells you definitively. “Come on, I’ll walk outside with you and wait for him.”

“Jack,” you whine, following him out of the bathroom anyway. “This is mean.”

“I offered to take you home,” Jack snaps, clearly annoyed with you for making any attempts to help much harder than necessary. 

Sighing you follow him outside, the cold night air feeling refreshing to your nightclub-induced clammy skin. “I’m scared, Jack,” you whisper, standing next to him on the sidewalk. 

“Why?”

“He hates me-.”

“He’s picking you up drunk at two in the morning, he doesn’t hate you.”

“Yes, he does,” you repeat. “He hates me but he’s nice a good guy and he’s just coming to pick me up because he’s not a shitty person and I-.”

“Shut up,” Jack groans. “Yeah, he’s a nice guy or whatever but he’s not nice enough to get out of bed and come here to take care of you if he doesn’t still like you.”

Just as Jack finished his sentence a familiar car pulls up along the side of the road. Quickly Jack yanks the passenger’s side door open. “Good luck,” he tells Nico as he guides you into the car. 

“You okay?” Nico asks as you pull your seatbelt on, refusing to look across the car at him. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you mutter, eyes focusing out the side window, small raindrops beginning to splatter onto the clear glass. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course I did,” Nico states and you can tell he’s glancing at you when he says it. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t want to either though,” he clarifies. 

"I'm sorry," you whisper, finally glancing over at him. "I'm sorry for making this so hard, I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be right now, I like you so much Nico but I just can't be with you right now."

"It's okay," Nico tells you, his own voice greatly contrasting your unsteady, high-pitched tone. "I'm not going to push anything, if you want me around I'll be here. I'll wait for you."

January 2023

New Year's Eve. It was the one holiday that you seemed to never have a single tradition for. You had spent your New Year's Eve in a new location every year, from your bedroom to house parties to bars. This year though it was going to spent at a nightclub. A nightclub with as many friends as you could possibly wrangle into spending their night’s in a sweaty, loud, sticky nightclub downtown…including Nico.

You had gotten to Jack’s place just after eight, having spent the better part of three hours getting ready with your best friends at your apartment. You had to admit though, the time paid off, your outfit giving you an almost dangerous amount of confidence. 

“Where’s Nico?” you ask Jack, watching him pour another round of shots. 

You watch Jack’s lips curl into a teasing smirk, glancing at you for a second before returning to his bartending role. “Very interested in him for not being with him.”

“Shut up,” you mutter, taking a sip of your vodka soda. “I’m just curious, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Here,” Jack states, handing you a shot glass, filled to the brim with tequila. As you reach to take the shot glass he pulls it away, holding it out of your reach. “You have to promise that you’re not going to end up puking and crying about him tonight.”

“Fuck off,” you mutter, reaching over and taking the shot glass from his hand, quickly dumping it into your mouth. You force the liquid down your throat with a wince, shuddering as you set the empty glass down onto the counter. 

“If I hear you say you’re not feeling good I will be finding someone else to take care of you.”

“I’ve never been that drunk in my life before, Jack. Stop acting like it happens frequently,” you whine. 

Jack chuckles, opening another beer. “You’re still that embarrassed about it, hey?”

“It was embarrassing,” you exclaim, glancing around the apartment, your interest piquing as your eyes sweep by the front door. Looking back you see Nico, struggling to yank his jacket off while holding a case of beer in one hand. “I’ll be right back,” you mutter to Jack, hurrying over to the door. “Need some help?” you ask Nico, taking the beer from his hand to let him take his jacket off. 

“Thanks,” he says with a chuckle, balancing his coat on a stack over a hook on the wall. He turns his attention back you, his eyes gazing up and down your body. “You look hot,” he comments. 

You can’t help but giggle at his comment, your cheeks reddening. “Well it took me long enough to get ready so I’m glad I got something out of it.” Turning around you head towards the kitchen with Nico’s beer. 

Nico has his hands on your hips, stopping you in your tracks a moment later. “You can get anything you want looking like that,” Nico whispers. 

Your breath catches in your throat, your back hitting Nico’s chest as you come to a stop. “It’s nine, Nico. We’ve got at least three more hours to go.”

“And?” Nico mumbles. 

Giggling you lean back into him, tipping your head back to look up at him. “And if you keep this up I won’t be able to make it till midnight without trying to get you back to my place.”

Nico chuckles, his hand slipping around to your ass as he moves to walk towards the kitchen. Your cheeks warm even further at the contact, watching him take the beer from you, unloading a few of them into Jack’s fridge. 

By the time you get to the club that night you’re a little more than tipsy, knowing you wouldn’t need to spend much money at the bar that night. The night had started with a lot of flirting between you and Nico, but once you arrived at the club you found yourself swept away with a few of your other friends. 

Before you knew it you were standing in a group with just a couple of your friends and quite a few men you had never met before. There’s a man standing next to you who had his hands on you more than was accidental. A hand on your back as he squeezed by to order another drink, fingers brushing against yours, body pressing to yours while he leaned in to try to hear something someone said. You didn’t dislike it, you knew he was flirting with you and part of you was enthralled by that, by the attention. But every time it happened your mind would find its way back to Nico. 

“Let’s get you another drink,” Peter, who you had just discovered the name of, says. 

Your eyes glance down at your empty drink before letting him guide you to the bar with his hand on your waist. You order your drink and Peter pulls out his wallet. The two of you make small talk while you sip on your new drink. He was attractive, you had to admit that. But that’s about where it stopped. There was nothing about his personality that enticed you, but selfishly you did like the attention. 

But you’re not able to see where things would go with him because the next thing you know Nico is pushing his way through the crowd to be at your side. 

“What are you doing?” Nico asks you, not even acknowledging the man you were talking to. 

Shrugging your shoulders your eyes flick back and forth from Nico to Peter and back to Nico. “What do you mean?”

Nico shakes his head with a cold chuckle, reaching down and taking your hand. “Come on, you’re done here.”

“Nico,” you whisper, eyes drilling into his. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t,” Nico mutters, shaking his head. “You know what I’m talking about, let’s go.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you state definitively, staring into his eyes as you match his intensity. 

“What’s going on?” Peter interjects, catching both you and Nico’s attention. 

“I think you should go,” Nico tells him before you have a chance to get a single word in. 

“Why?” Peter asks with a cold chuckle. “She clearly isn’t interested in you, why would I go anywhere?”

You don’t even process what’s happening till Peter is stumbling backwards, hand on his jaw where Nico’s fist had just met with it. Thankfully a bouncer pulls Peter back before he can retaliate, Nico frozen in place, just as stunned by his actions as everyone else in that club. 

You weren’t happy with Nico’s actions but you turn towards him anyway, grasping his arms a second later. “What the hell?” you exclaim, frantic eyes searching his for any type of answer. 

Before Nico has a chance to say anything a bouncer is at his side, nodding towards the door. “You gotta go.”

“I-,” Nico begins before turning in the direction of the door, knowing he wasn’t going to argue his way out of this one. 

You watch the bouncer guiding Nico towards the door, realizing you weren’t also being kicked out. You didn’t need to go. You could stay, you could keep drinking, celebrate New Years in this club. But the further and further Nico got with the bouncer the more uneasy you felt. So you let your legs carry you through the club and out the front door, into the freezing night air with Nico. 

“Nico,” you call as you watch him walking away from the club, clearly with no real destination in mind. 

“What?” Nico snaps, turning back around to look at you. “What do you want?”

“You’re really mad at me right now?” you yell, crossing your arms over your chest, trying to keep yourself warm. 

“Yes,” Nico exclaims. “Are you serious right now?”

“I’m not your girlfriend, Nico.”

Nico shakes his head, laughing coldly. “I guess not,” Nico yells. “But whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m fucking done with this, I’m done with you.”

“Nico,” you mumble, walking closer to him, hoping something, anything you would say could convince him that it wasn’t that serious. “Please don’t say that.”

“No, I’m over this, I’m not going to keep fighting for you if you don’t give a fuck about me.”

“I do care about you,” you yell back at him, your voice hoarse and shaky. “I care about you so much, Nico, you don’t even know.”

“If you cared about me you wouldn’t be trying to fuck other guys right in front of me.”

“I-,” you begin, realizing you didn’t even know what your justification was about to be. Because, to be honest, you didn’t have one. “I’m sorry,” you finally croak. 

“Just go back inside, I don’t fucking care,” Nico mutters, slurred words finally giving away his drunken state. 

“I do,” you yell, walking closer to him. “I don’t want to go back inside, Nico. I don’t want to leave you…I do care.”

“Why?” Nico snaps, staring down at you intently now that you were standing just a foot in front of him. 

“Because I love you,” you exclaim, the words leaving your mouth before you even had a chance to process them. 

“Then don’t try to fuck other people,” Nico mutters, sliding his jacket off his arms now that you were close enough for him to realize you were shaking, gently placing it over your shoulders. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper again, tears welling in your eyes. You slip your arms into his jacket, tugging it tight around your body. “Please, I can’t lose you. I don’t want to be with him, I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want you.”

Nico steps back, taking a deep breath as he looks around the night sky for a minute. “Okay,” Nico mutters and you’re sure it’s more to himself than to you. “Do you want to go back in?”

“I’m not leaving you,” you tell him. 

“It’s New Years, go be with your friends, I’m the one who fucked up.”

“No, you didn’t,” you whisper. “I mean, I don’t think you should have punched him but I’m not letting you take all the blame for this...Do you want to come over to my place?”

“Okay…sure, yeah, if that’s what you want to do,” Nico says, reaching over and pulling you into him, rubbing his hand along your arm, trying to warm you up. 

So the two of you head back to your apartment, spending the rest of New Year's Eve together, just the two of you and a bottle of champagne.

It wasn’t the New Year's Eve you were expecting. It wasn’t necessarily the New Year's Eve you wanted, but maybe it was the New Year's Eve you needed. The wake up call that you had gone far beyond just friends with benefits. Even if you weren’t ready to accept it. 

February 2023

Things had changed after the New Year's Eve incident. Neither of you had verbally talked about what had changed but you both knew it had. It was the second time you told him you loved him. The second time neither of you acknowledged it after it happened. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Your words had continued echoing in your mind and you knew you should deal with those thoughts, those feelings. 

But you didn’t.

Maybe you really wanted to keep your commitment to yourself, to not get into a relationship till you had graduated. Maybe you were scared to take that step. Maybe you were embarrassed to ask for that after pushing it away for so long. 

So you fell back into the routine you had before. Frequent dates and spending most of your time together in between. It was different, yet the routines remained the same for months.

June 2023

“I need a date to the awards ceremony,” Nico says, referring to the NHL Awards that were approaching quickly.

“I don’t think you need a date,” you reply, looking up over the top of your phone to the other end of the couch, where Nico was sitting. 

“Okay…I want a date for the awards,” Nico tells you, reframing his statement.

“Okay,” you mutter, accepting his rephrased sentence. 

“Are you going to come with me?”

“No,” you mumble, sitting up straighter on the couch. 

“Why not?”

Rolling your eyes you lock your phone, tossing it down next to you. “Nico, you know why. I’m not your girlfriend.”

“This is a big deal for me,” Nico exclaims, clearly already knowing you were going to put up a fight about this. “Just come with me as a friend then.”

“You don’t bring just a friend to that kind of event. I know that much,” you tell him. 

Suddenly Nico is on his feet, pacing the length of your living room, making it halfway back before throwing his hands up in defeat. “You can’t just be there for me, support me, even once. I’m getting tired of this…whatever this is.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell him, his words hitting you hard. “I do, I do want to support, I promise.”

Just three days later you’re standing in a fitting room, pulling a dress onto your body. Stepping out of the room your eyes land on Nico, waiting for his reaction to this one. It was the fifth dress you had tried on, Nico telling you he liked all of them. 

“I like it,” Nico says, his eyes roaming over your body. 

Groaning loudly you turn towards the mirror, adjusting the dress slightly. “Why’d you even insist on coming if you’re not going to give me any input?”

“Because I’m buying it for you,” Nico tells you in a matter-of-fact tone. 

“No, you’re not,” you tell him, though it would be pretty helpful for your grad student budget. 

“I’m not arguing with you about this.”

“Me neither,” you reply, stepping back into the fitting room to try on another one. 

Eventually you narrow it down enough that Nico finally gives his input, once he was simply picking between two dresses. At the till you try to pull your wallet out, Nico’s hand landing on your hands. 

“I’m not letting you pay for it, Nico,” you whisper, trying to keep your disagreement out of ear shot of the sales attendant. 

“Yes, you are. It doesn’t have to mean whatever you’re thinking, just let me buy the fucking dress,” Nico mutters, his voice carrying an unusually stern tone. 

“Okay,” you whisper, eyes widening, stepping back as you watch Nico pull his wallet out and pay for the dress. He carries the bag for you, silence falling between you until you were outside, away from the sanctity of the boutique. 

“What’s your problem?” you snap, standing next to Nico’s car, watching him set the bag down into the backseat. 

“What?” Nico asks with a loud sigh, slamming the car door a little harder than necessary. 

“I don’t know...you’re mad at me for not dating you and-.”

“I’m not mad at you for not dating me,” Nico interrupts. “I’m mad that we are dating and you refuse to admit it.”

“We’re not together,” you state definitively, arms crossed over your chest. 

“Okay, whatever, then this is done,” Nico mutters, shaking his head. “Get in the car.”

“I want to go home,” you tell him, yanking the car door open. 

“Well that’s where I’m taking you,” Nico grumbles, sliding into the driver’s seat of the car. 

The drive back to your apartment is silent, your eyes focused directly ahead of you, the drive seeming longer than you had remembered. Nico pulls into the parking lot, turning the car around so that your side of the car was facing the door, something he had done since the first time he dropped you off at home. Opening the door you slip out, glancing back to find Nico handing you the bag with the dress. 

“I don’t want the fucking dress, Nico. I’m not doing this anymore.”

He nods slowly, your words sinking in. “Well what am I going to do with it? Just take it.”

Sighing you reach over, taking the bag from him, knowing it would be easier than continuing to argue about it. “Alright, well,” you mutter, glancing around. “Goodbye…I guess.”

“Bye,” Nico replies, voice strained, eyes barely meeting yours. 

You shut the door slowly, walk into your apartment even slower, knowing that if you really did leave it like that it was a big statement. A big statement you weren’t even sure you wanted to be making. But you keep going, till you’re up in your apartment and your eyes are filling with tears. 

Your best friend Liv is at your apartment shortly after you tell her what had happened, with a couple bottles of wine and take-out.

“I just don’t get it,” Liv says, sitting on the couch with half a glass of red wine in her hand. “You like him, you two are always together, going on dates. Why won’t you just let him in? Make it official?”

Shrugging you swirl the wine around in your glass, swallowing heavily as another round of tears form in your eyes. “Because I said I wouldn’t, Liv. I promised myself, I would experience things, I would figure myself out before getting into a real relationship.”

“But you’re not doing that,” Liv points out. “You keep saying you don’t want anything serious but you’ve been, what, casually dating this guy for like a year and a half? When’s the last time you went on a date with anyone else?”

Shrugging you try to think back, try to remember the last time you actually even seriously entertained the idea of a date with another man. “I don’t know, last year, I guess.”

“When’s the last time you hooked up with anyone other than him?”

“Liv, I don’t know. It’s been awhile, I get it,” you exclaim, sighing loudly. “I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?” Liv asks, voice gentle and reassuring despite your outburst. “You’ve always been scared of getting hurt. But if you don’t let yourself be with someone you’re never going to even have the opportunity for what else could happen.”

“No,” you whisper, wiping away a few tears that had pooled under your eyes. “I’m scared that I pushed him away…for good this time.”

Liv reaches over, placing her hand on your leg. “You’ve been doing this for a year, I don’t think this has to be the last time…if you’re actually going to let him in this time. But if you’re not, if you’re still not ready, maybe it should be for good.”

Liv stays with you for most of the night, watching reality tv and finishing off the wine she had brought over. You didn’t talk much more about Nico, wanting to get your mind off of the situation for awhile, to let yourself calm down. 

You contemplated reaching out to Nico. From hours after to days after. But you didn’t know what to say and he wasn’t saying anything either. So you didn’t say anything at all, till you were only a couple days away from the NHL Awards and all you could think about was Nico telling you that he wanted you to be there to support him. 

Pulling your phone out you scroll through your contacts, finding the one you were looking for and pressing the call button. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey, um, if I book a flight to Nashville and a hotel and everything can you bring me with you on Monday?” 

“To the awards?”

“Yeah.”

“No. What the hell? You’ve been fucking with Nico’s feelings for so long and now you’re going to try to come with me instead?”

“No, that’s not what I mean, Jack,” you mumble, tears welling in your eyes. “I just…I want to be there for him, I can’t miss it, Jack, I can’t. I fucked up, I know I’ve been a shitty person to him and I don’t know how I can change that but I need to see him and I need him to know that I care and I don’t want to lose him and-.”

“Okay,” Jack exclaims, cutting you off. “Holy shit, yeah, okay, you can come. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” you admit, pulling your knees to your chest, staring across the living room at the dark TV, your reflection looking back at you. “I love him, Jack.”

“But you don’t want to be with him.”

“I do.”

“You need to tell him that then. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Thank you, Jack.”

“Of course. But you really need to figure this out with him because I can’t handle being in the middle of you two fighting.”

“I will.”

You woke up extra early the morning of the awards. Not on purpose, you had an entire day to get ready. But you were too anxious to stay asleep. So you pulled yourself out of bed and tried to spread out the process of getting ready through the day so you wouldn’t have much time to ruminate on everything alone in the quiet hotel room. 

Finally you’re heading down the elevator after what felt like the longest day of your life to meet Jack out front on the way to the arena. 

“You look good,” Jack tells you as you pull your seatbelt on, adjusting your dress. 

“Thanks,” you whisper, your mind so preoccupied with Nico that you were barely registering anything that was happening around you. 

When you get to the venue your stomach is churning with so much anxiety you begin to worry you might throw up. “I don’t know what to say to him,” you admit as you walk next to him. 

“Sorry might be a good start.”

“Yeah,” you whisper, more to yourself than to anyone else. You force a few deep breaths into your lungs as you follow Jack, till you’re standing just a few feet away from Nico. When your eyes meet you can visibly see the confusion flash across his face, eyes darting between you and Jack. 

“What?” Nico begins, Jack stepping back as he says it. 

“I’m not getting in the middle of this,” Jack says, hurrying off in the other direction to leave you alone with Nico. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, voice shaky. “I’m so sorry, Nico. I shouldn’t have pushed you away so much. And maybe this is too little, too late, I don’t know, but I want to be here for you. You can tell me to go, I understand if you don’t want me here.”

“Of course I want you here,” Nico tells you, reaching over and taking your hand, tugging you closer. “I just can’t keep doing this. I want to be with you, I want this to be real and if not-.”

“I want that too,” you whisper, shaky fingers clutching at Nico’s arms. 

“What? Why? Why now?” Nico asks, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“Because I realized how stupid I’ve been. I was scared, I was holding onto this idea that I needed to figure something out before I let myself get into a relationship,” you tell him, trying so hard to come up with words that would explain everything, make everything okay. “I was waiting for something, some revelation or something, but I don’t even know what I was waiting for because I don’t want anything else, I just want to be with you and I’m sorry that I didn’t just accept that earlier. I shouldn’t have made you wait like this.”

Nico nods as he listens to your rambling explanation, watching your eyes welling with tears. When you finish talking Nico pulls you into him, pressing his lips to the top of your head. “I would have waited as long as you needed.”

Sniffling you pull back, wiping away the tears from your eyes before they could roll onto your cheeks. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be crying like this,” you say with nervous laugh. “I, um, I don’t know what to do now…we’re here to celebrate you, how…where…what happens now?”

Nico chuckles quietly, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours gently. “Just stay with me, you don’t need to worry about anything else.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you say, taking Nico’s hand in yours, moving to his side. “I love you,” you whisper. 

Nico glances down at you, his lips curling into a smile. “I love you too.”

[the-way-astray]

“ask box is finally open” ok write an essay on fintan. go.

no, thanks. i think you got that covered. how about i give you random, assorted fintan thoughts, fanfic ideas, and headcanons instead:

thinking about that moment in everblaze during the healing scene where he says "his identity dies with me" about the pyrokinetic he's protecting right before the entire building goes up in flames. was he planning on killing himself to protect brant? everblaze harms pyrokinetics, so he knew that it would harm him. the other option, of course, is that he was willing to take the risk of everblaze to try to kill someone else so that he could escape. everyone was canonically wearing fire-resistant clothing, so he couldn't have done any damage to them with regular fire.

how did he even actually escape oblivimyre? he couldn't have had a leaping crystal on him, or someone would've found it. did the neverseen hide a crystal in eternalia somewhere for emergency scenarios?

this post by quil inspired an au idea where bronte is a telepath, and is responsible for shattering fintan's sanity instead of alden, and fintan is just horny for him the whole time he's doing it and it makes bronte super uncomfortable.

HIS CIRCLET COLOR WAS BLUE. THE SAME BLUE AS HIS EYES, WHICH IS SKY BLUE. also fintan loves cool colors. he dresses in them frequently.

there's a very good chance that he's one of the councillors that threw vespera in the dungeon, since he knows about her existence, and he also knows all the secrets in his cache. so there's some tension between the two of them, even though it was his plan that ultimately set her free. it's kind of like him supporting the pyrokinesis ban, but also being the one that'll likely get it unbanned (indirectly through marella). he's all about breaking cycles that he himself started. something about guilt and admitting you're wrong to yourself, but being too proud to admit it to everyone else.

he served at the same time as fallon vacker, and was present during the story bronte told in neverseen about meeting king gowg. this means he was councillor while bronte was emissary. i think this is how they met, and how their "long history" started.

he was messing with keefe the entire time he was with the neverseen, like pretending to be drunk to mislead him. there were easier, better, safer ways to lead keefe down the wrong path than pretending to be drunk, but this is fintan, and he's dramatic.

alden had a celebrity crush on him. i don't make the rules here.

HIS HAIR IS LONG. IT'S SHOULDER BLADE-LENGTH. PLEASE, I BEG.

he wears lots and lots of jewelry. all the time. he's so extra like that. also all the jewelry is blue/green/purple because he's a cool colors guy.

fintan seems to regret his time as a councillor, not just what he did to get pyrokinesis banned. in neverseen, he says that when he was a councillor, all he did was sit back and do nothing. so there's a possibility that he might've written off important things as nothing or something along those lines. people might've come to him with appeals to reform exillium or exile, or fix the separation between the talentless and the talented, and he might've refused. either way, there's something else he regrets. it might be in his cache.

what's your beef with ruy, man? there's something there canonically. i need to know. it's so juicy. gethen also hired ruy to the neverseen, so i imagine he's more partial to ruy, which means fintan may or may not also have beef with gethen.

he talks to himself in the mirror. shut up. i know he does.

when he faked his death, he wanted to immediately reveal himself as alive again, and it was only the collective cooperation of the other neverseen members that stopped him for so long.

HE HAS A FLAT FUCKING ASS. FLAT AS A FUCKING PANCAKE THAT GOT FLATTENED EVEN MORE. IT ISN'T CONCAVE, IT ISN'T BULBOUS. IT IS FLAT.

he wears heels to make himself feel taller, because even though he's tall (6'2"), he wants to be towering.

he probably found vespera's journals somehow. but how? did lady gisela show them to him? is that how she got her acceptance into the neverseen? vespera's main philosophy is ruthlessness, which fintan would agree with, but in a less intense way than vespera, i feel.

he probably heard brant gush about jolie a lot. i bet that was funny, since he was probably utterly disinterested. "so, it's about time you learned to summon bigger balls of everblaze. here's how t-" "FINTAN. JOLIE CALLED ME PRETTY TODAY" "wow. i would've never known . . . "

how did brant even reach out to him about manifesting? probably he hailed him or something. but remember, fintan's an ancient. so i doubt brant would've been able to properly get ahold of him (like how fallon wouldn't open the door for alden in nightfall). so did brant like burn down his door and scream ALRIGHT BITCH I NEED SOME LESSONS to get fintan's attention or something?

or was it the opposite? did fintan somehow know that brant was a pyrokinetic and reach out to him? if so, how? maybe he keeps tabs on everyone who's considered "talentless" and checks up on them to make sure they aren't exhibiting signs of being a pyrokinetic or something? if so, that's kind of sweet, not gonna lie.

it isn't an essay, but i hope i satisfied your greedy little fintan heart

[fartlovingblkguy69]

The Little Men’s Toilet Slave Part 1

(Fictional Gay Fart and Scat Story)

I was drunk and walking through an alley of empty warehouses in Atlanta coming back from the bar one night at night when I passed a building that seemed to have much coming from inside and I heard this strange noise! It sounded like a cross between a grunt and a howl! I went inside to be nosy and to help if need be. Lo and behold it looked like an orgy, but not just any orgy. This was an orgy of about 30 little men. And they were filming! The tallest man, who was standing in the middle of the room was 4’9 with black hair and green eyes and he seemed to be directing all of the scenes. I realized they were about to make a killing as this was a growing category of porn and many of them were unbelievable hot! I felt myself getting a boner, one of the hardest I’d ever gotten, my full 8 inches rising. I fiddled with my jeans and started to jerk my hard rod when the taller man turned and noticed me. “What the fuck? Who let you in here? Stop fucking and grab him and bring him over here ” he yelled. A bunch of them ran over and took me out at the knees before carrying me over the heads and throwing me down at his feet. “What the hell did you think you were doing? Were you spying on us? Maybe trying to scope out competition for another group? And why were you jerking off? You like what you see or something? Maybe you’re one of those weirdos that fetishize little people or something.” “No, I was just passing by when I heard you guys and thought someone might be in trouble so I came to help! I’m gay and you guys are hot! It has nothing to do with you being small, I swear!” “I’m not sure I believe you! And after what you’ve seen we can’t let you leave! You might have a recording or call the cops or something.” “Hey Kyle! Let’s stomp on him! We could crush up his bones and bury him or something! There’s a landfill nearby!” one of the ones currently standing above me chimed in. He was about 3’9, blond, with a hairy chest, rock hard abs, a thick happy trail, and a 5 inch long, 2 inch thick half hard dick. He was super hot, but He’d been glaring at me this whole time with hard icy blue eyes like he wanted to kill me. It was very intimidating. “Hmm maybe. That would certainly be a fun idea. I think I have a better one tho!” the director Kyle said as his stomach gurgled loudly and he winced. He rubbed his stomach and loudly proclaimed “you guys have all been complaining about not being taken seriously by society and also about the lack of bathrooms in this place and I think we might have just found a small, well pretty big solution to both!” Now for context I’m a 6’3 pretty muscularly built white guy, albeit with a bit of a belly. I have long curly brown hair that comes halfway down my back. I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Just what the hell is this guy suggesting anyway? I was about to find out! “Take him to the bathroom and tie him down with his head over that broken toilet! He’s gonna be the replacement!” Kyle said smiling while rubbing his very hairy muscular, but not ripped stomach. I’ll use him first and show you all how it’s done! You better get ready toilet! I got a big load coming your way! We’ve been here for hours and I’ve been munching on pizza and nachos and chugging coffee and protein shakes and I’m lactose intolerant! It’s gonna be a wet ride!” I was dragged to the broken toilet which was dirty and clogged already and watched as they wiped the toilet seat off and cleaned it before flushing the toilet to make the water rise and then plunging my head down yelling “Drink, drink, drink!” trying to make me drink this murky water with a huge turd at the bottom. I refused to open my mouth preferring to drown to death but alas they would pull me up every time I started to black out! This went on for a good 25 minutes before Kyle came in pushing people out of his way, saying, “It’s time! I gotta let this nasty shit rip! My stomach is killing me! I can’t hold it anymore and the filming space is basically uninhabitable from my noxious farts! You boys don’t want me to hold this a second longer, trust me!”

[lunar-years]

what are your headcanons about tartt sr’s abuse? did it start when jamie was a teenager? was he always physically violent with jamie and maybe georgie too?

the s3 the finale is so disrespectful to georgie now that i think about it

Hi! This ones not super easy to answer because i think the show leaves the specifics largely up for interruption. My own thoughts on it are all over the map (and often change). I can basically see a lot of different avenues to getting to what we see play out in Man City, and I've seen a lot of differing thoughts on this topic; to be honest I find myself nodding along to most all of them even though all of them could definitely not coexist in the same universe, lol. So this is far from set in stone in my mind but here are my (once again quite long oops) general thoughts on how it might have gone (obviously TW for discussion of abuse below the cut):

the abuse canonically did start when Jamie was a teenager, because we know the Amsterdam trip happened when he was 14; whether the abuse also took the form of physical violence at that age I'm less certain, but I lean towards the bulk of that coming later. At this stage James was still in his "Stand Up Father" routine

I think the early relationship when James Tartt Sr. first came back into Jamie's life would've been a lot of false promises and the "Fun Dad" shtick Jamie describes when talking about Amsterdam. We also know James tried to get Georgie back at least once, and the way I interpreted the tone in which that was said was that the trip was neither the first nor the last time that happened. I kind of headcanon that James was in and out of rehab during that time, swearing to do better, making the same mistakes, rinse and repeat

Jamie's thoughts on James were a jumble of juxtapositions. James could always sweet-talk getting them an extra scoop of ice cream for free at the shop, he took Jamie to City matches and showed up all the time with cool or expensive gifts his mum could never afford - official kits and the like. He taught Jamie "life skills" like picking locks and petty crime tricks that, to a 12 year old were fucking cool! On the other hand he was also taking Jamie to pubs and making him try beer when he was like, 12 or 13. He made Jamie hang out with him and his friends - who were crude and brash and kind of scary. He arranged for Jamie to lose his virginity in Amsterdam because it was "past time for him to grow up and be a man."

All of those latter things made Jamie at best uncomfortable, but they were always balanced by the fun stuff. The good stuff. The problem was he never knew which version of his dad he was going to get on any given day, so he could never prepare for it.

I think the physical violence started off "small" - shaking his shoulder aggressively, keeping an ironclad grip on the back of Jamie's neck, etc. When he hit Jamie the first time he showed up the next day with a grand apology. He always used "getting too drunk" as his excuse and said "it won't happen again" and Jamie always believed him until the next time, because it really didn't happen that often, and anyway the bruises were never anything he couldn't keep hidden from Mummy and the teachers at school.

there were maybe one or two "Bad Times" when James "lost control" (in his own later words) and got Very Violent with Jamie whilst he was still a teenager. These are the times when Jamie learned how to hide substantial injuries and bruises from his team, his coaches, etc. and stared at his Roy Kent hoping by some miracle for the man to come out of it and save him.

I also think this is an instance where a young Jamie might have ~fought back~ and/or purposely said things to provoke his father, only to then have the resulting beat-down framed as a "punishment" by James, which scared him shitless (because canon Jamie does not seem afraid of most anything, but he is definitely terrified of his dad and that came from somewhere) and effectively prevented him fighting back in future. These occasions very much stand out as formative in his memory because the violence was so not constant at that time; the biggest thing to me is that James was incredibly inconsistent and that was part of his manipulation. Jamie started wondering if he was somehow at fault for the abuse, if it was his failure to be good that caused his dad to hurt him.

"say goodnight son..." when he goes to kill Beard with a lead pipe sure says a lot. I think that level of beating on Jamie and physically abusing him really began when Jamie was an adult playing for Man City. Both before he comes to Richmond and after he is sent back to Manchester in s1. He "restrained" himself during the season, to keep Jamie fit enough to play. But the off season has been a historically bad time for Jamie.

this is the timeframe where I think Jamie has a very tense relationship with his mother and isn't really talking to her about anything, let alone James. The distance between them started when he was teenager keeping secrets, worsened when she began things with Simon, and are by this point at an all time low, and he's fallen back on his father, spending more time with him than ever. He's essentially isolated himself from any support system and this is when things are really very Bad.

As for Georgie -

yes, i do imagine she also suffered from James abuse, though I don't think the abuse would have looked exactly the same for her as for Jamie

I think the bulk of it was emotional/verbal abuse. I can very much see James yammering on about he'd "never hit a woman." meanwhile he's spewing constant vitriol about her, calling her a bad mother, calling her slurs, and of course beating on their kid. But (in his warped brain) slapping Jamie around isn't the same as slapping Georgie around, because Jamie should be "able to take it" and "be a man." Just all kinds of ickiness exuding from that man.

"your father is never, ever going to change" is definitely the consensus (to me) of a woman who has been deeply manipulated by James in past and let down herself by his false promises. i would not be surprised if she HAD gotten back together with James once when Jamie was a teenager and he was on a longer sobriety stint from rehab.

I do think Georgie knew on some level that Jamie was being abused but I also really believe she did not realize the full extent. Jamie kept secrets from her (Amsterdam included). Georgie sensed there were secrets, but didn't poke into them, in part because of her own james-related trauma and in part for paralyzing fear of what she'd find if she looked deeper. It was easier to believe Jamie was still telling her only truths. So she comforted him the best ways she knew how, and she did her best to limit the time Jamie spent with James, but Jamie adamantly always wanted to see his dad, and she had to work so often and couldn't always be around to monitor him, and what was she to do, in the end?

Jamie does tell Georgie all of it after they repair their relationship circa/post s2/s3, and the resulting bond is stronger than ever.

[dogmatik]

Under a readmore, word count 897. Rick got too drunk and freaked poor Morty out.

There's something cold and wet pressed to Ricks forehead. He's only been conscious about a minute, hasn't quite figured out where he is yet, so his eyes remain closed. He takes in his surroundings with his other senses, not sure if he wants anyone who might be in the room with him to know he's awake yet. After some time he determines he's in his own room, can tell by the canvas texture of the cot below him, the smell of booze and alien B.O. He's bundled up in the shitty military surplus blanket he got ages ago, and its dark.

There's breathing to his right, someone sat next to the cot on the floor. he cracks an eye open, the augmentations he keeps tweaking adjusting his sight to the dark immediately (it hurts, human pupils aren't meant to dilate that quickly, he's got a mean case of chronic dry-eye that he hasn't quite figured out how to handle yet.). Morty sits with his arms folded over his knees, head bowed like he's sleeping sitting up. He's breathing to hard to be sleeping though, and there's a string of little sniffles on every other inhale.

"Morty, you seen that morphine? Grandpa's got a killer headache." Rick says. Morty startles, head whipping up immediately at the sound of the old mans voice. Rick regrets talking when he sees the poor kids face, it's red, a little string of snot connects his nose to where it was pressed into his sleeve. "Rick!" he yells, sending a flash of pain bouncing behind Ricks eyes. He throws himself over the old man, the cot creaks like its about to snap. "Jesus M-Morty chill out, I just said I had a fucking, headache." Morty squeezes him, he can feel hot tears soaking into his shirt.

"Ri-ck, I was so scared, and you s-s-said not to tell M-mom but you stopped, you stopped breathing and I couldn't get the-the oxygen to work and I swear I didn't tell but y-yuh-you can't do this to m-me again man I can't-" His voice keeps cracking, chest heaving and words broken up by half-aborted little whines and hiccups. "Morty, Morty calm down, hold on just fucking, t-take a breath alright. Morty just breathe" Rick rubs his back, the kids practically crawled into the cot with him, his little hands clenched so tight in Ricks shirt he's sure the seems are gonna snap. "A-asshole..."

Morty sobs. Rick realizes he doesn't remember a fucking thing from the last 36 hours, which is not ideal when you're a manic super-genius. From the sounds of it he gave himself alcohol poisoning again, considering the barely contained nausea and the way his head pulses with pain along to his heartbeat. It's been a while since he drank enough to make himself sick, it takes a lot. Last time must have been since before he came back. That explains why Morty's so fuckin broken up about it, it's not a pretty sight and the little guys never seen him that bad before.

"Mort, buddy it's okay, just a little alcohol poisoning. Little bit of zerock powder and I'll be good as new." "W-why'd you drink so much?" Morty asks, finally pulling his face away from Rick's chest. He's still breathing hard, but his eyes have dried. He looks genuinely confused, a little crease forming between his eyebrows. Rick gets the inexplicable urge to rub it away, kids too young for wrinkles. God, he's gonna go grey by 30, just like Rick. The thought brings a new wave of nausea crashing over Rick's head, he has to lean off the side of the cot so he doesn't fuckin drown in it. There's a big plastic bowl there, he almost gets all of it in. All that comes out is clear liquid and bright yellow bile, his stomach cramps sharp and he almost knocks Morty clean over with how violently he flinches.

"Rick, why did you drink so much. Did, did something bad h-happen?" Morty asks again, incessant. "'Something bad' what are you talking about?" Morty looks at his hands, he's sitting on his folded up legs right on the edge of the shitty cot, Rick just realized the boys still in the same clothes he last remembers him in. There's blood down the front, it doesn't look like it came from Morty. "Dr. Wong says, uhm. She said that people, they do a lot of like drugs and stuff when they feel bad. Or like, to escape or whatever. Is that what you were doing? R-running away from something?" What the fuck is that lady talking to this thirteen year old about? He should find out where she lives. Encourage some fucking boundaries.

"Jesus wept Morty, Can't a man get blow-out black-out drunk w-without his grandson fucking, psychoanalyzing him. No, I do it cause it's fun Morty. And I don't need to, ugh, to run from anything, I deal with my pr-problems just fine." Morty looks skeptical, little bastard. "Get, get offa my bed, fucking. Change your shirt, look like a vampire victim." Rick shoves at the boy, knocking him off the cot onto the floor. "Ow! Asshole! I-I'm trying to, trying to help you dick!" Morty yells. "Morty I swear to god if you keep being a loud piece of shit I'm gonna down your sisters hamster and blame you for it."

[trashyswitch]

Shitfaced and Stupid

Jackie goes to the club with Chase, Marvin and Shawn. A bunch of shenanigans happen, and Jackie ends up making a big mistake while drunk off his ass!

So...Funny story about this fanfic: I had written this entire fanfic while I was tipsy or drunk. Only thing is, I didn't write it all at once. I had written the first 2 pages while drunk the first time I had gotten drunk at the club. Then, I wrote 3 more pages while extra drunk on my second clubbing experience. And then the last page, I wrote the third time I had gotten drunk after going to the club. Yes, I was doing a lot of clubbing. But this fanfic had been in the works for exactly 2 weeks. So with that in mind, I hope you enjoy!

I was downing a Moscow Mule, not even caring about how much I was drinking all at once. It was Chase’s birthday, and I never EVER let myself have fun. I am always the sober one who gets a cab, or IS the cab to get my friends home. But you know what? I’m giving up my seat tonight. Tonight is my time to treat myself. And what better way to treat myself, then to let myself get drunk at the club?! 

Yes, I know it’s not MY birthday…But Chase legitimately told me “We’re gonna get SHITFACED TONIGHT!”. And why the fuck wouldn’t I take that chance?! 

We had walked into the club at about 11:30pm, and showed the doorman our ID’s. Being undercover, I didn’t feel a need to pull out my ‘Jackieboy Man’ persona. I’m just Jack tonight. Average Jack. 

I finished my Moscow Mule, and put the empty bottle onto the table. I had promised to be the ‘breadwinner’ tonight. I didn’t save up all this cash for nothing…I might as well use some of it tonight. I had originally paid for Chase, Shawn and Marvin to get into the club with me. We had all gotten a black star on the back of our hands, to signify the fact that ‘we paid already, and we can come back whenever we need to. 

Chase and Shawn had gotten themselves whiskey sours, and were enjoying their drinks. I could feel the buzz hitting already. It probably helped that I had pretty much downed the whole thing without even taking a break to breathe. Though I am well aware of how dangerous this can be, I am an impatient fuck who wants the buzz as soon as possible. 

And I most certainly got it! The buzz took hold rather quickly. I could feel my body moving a little more smoothly and freely. I felt like I could move myself around without a care in the world. No worries about who’s watching me or judging me…just dancing and genuinely enjoying myself. It helped that Chase, Marvin and Shawn were all cheering me on as I swayed my hips, shuffled my feet, and let my arms flow to the beat of the song. The DJ was mostly playing hip hop music, which helped motivate me to dance further. 

Things were going really well…And they only got better once a young lady started dancing her way up to me. 

I started dancing alongside her, watching her move her hips and spin her brown hair. She wasn’t dressed up very sexually considering where she was. She was actually dressed in overalls, of all things, which made her stand out in the group…In a good way, of course. She was really pretty in her own way…

I watched her every move, sensing her lack of experience. Truth was, I was a little inexperienced myself. I don’t really go clubbing very often. I never really have the time. This is a super rare moment for me…and it appears to be the same way for her. 

I offered my right hand to her, and she surprisingly took it! I kept dancing, making sure to take things slowly and comfortably. She seemed to visibly appreciate the patience I was showing her. 

I lifted her arm up, prepared to spin her. She happily took it, spinning around and throwing her long hair around as she spun. Just her flowing hair was enough to enchant me. It made me feel things I hadn’t felt in ages…For once in my life…All I felt was butterflies in my stomach…

…Or maybe it was the cocktail making me feel things…

She brought herself closer and tried to tell me something. It was hard to understand her due to how loud the club music was…so I leaned in and tried to ask her what she was trying to say. “WHAT’S YOUR NAME?” She asked me. 

I smiled and leaned into her ear. “JACK.” I yelled back. I had noticed the blue ear plugs she was wearing, but sensed that she could still hear me somehow. 

“NATALIE!” She yelled back with a wide smile. 

I smiled brightly and kept dancing with her. She seemed to be watching my movements, and following them a little bit. I looked over at my friends, who were recording me on their phones. I rolled my eyes, expecting nothing less but bigotry from them. They were a lot more drunk than me, so…go figure. They clearly can’t get over how quickly I managed to find a girl to dance with…

I slid myself a little closer, and took her hand once again. We danced and moved to the music, just enjoying the beat together. When the chorus hit, I lifted her hand up again to spin her. She took the invitation and spun around, her straightened hair flying around again. I let her spin around again, watching as she took the invitation and spun around with her eyes closed this time. She looked quite comfortable dancing with me. And I’m glad I can bring her that momentary sense of security. 

I let go of her hand, and went back to dancing on my own. I watched as she danced her way back to her own friends, and I turned to look at my own friends. Chase was too busy taking selfies with Marvin, while Shawn was walking up to me. “WHY DID YOU LET HER GO?!” Shawn asked me. 

“SHE NEEDS A REST!” I replied, just guessing. 

“ARE HER OTHER FRIENDS SINGLE?” Shawn asked. 

“I DON’T FUCKIN’ KNOW!” I replied. 

“ASK!” Shawn ordered me. 

“YOU ASK!” I yelled back to him with a laugh. “NO!” Shawn laughed. Someone walked up and squeezed Shawn’s sides, making him squeak. “HE’S TOO MUCH OF A PUUUUSSY.” Marvin teased. 

Shawn grabbed Marvin and pushed him into the reserved seating sofa. “WHO DA FUCK YOU CALLING PUSSY?!” He shouted as he jumped onto the sofa and squeezed Marvin’s sides multiple times.

“BAHAHAHA! YOHOU- YOHOHOU BASTARD!” Marvin shouted. 

“OH, KEEP DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE.” Shawn replied, scratching at his sides now. 

I rolled my eyes. It’s not the first time Shawn and Marvin have tickled each other while they’re drunk…It happens more often than they’d both like to admit. Though I’d normally find it rather amusing, we’re currently in a public place…Why here of all places?! 

I ordered myself another drink to keep the tipsy feeling going. It felt great, and I didn’t want it to stop. I received the drink: A cinnamarita. It’s a cocktail made of tequila, orange, cinnamon, and…idk…it sounded good when I found it on the menu. I picked up the drink and tried it. 

And OH MY GOSH- It was SO GOOD! It’s super addicting! I can’t stop drinking it! I want it all in my mouth! Don’t stop!

“Whoa there, Jack.” A hand pulled away the straw. “Slow down, will ya?” The person told me. 

I looked up with an annoyed frown, recognizing exactly who it was. This dude…seriously. “Why do you gotta tell me what to do?” I asked Chase. 

“Because you've already downed half the thing! Keep acting like that, and you’ll be banned from getting more drinks.” Chase told me. 

I sighed and stared him down. “I am a grown man just like you. I can handle it.” I tried to tell him. 

Chase sighed and put down his pineapple daiquiri. “Don’t make me do it.” Chase warned. 

I narrowed my eyes. “Do what?” 

Before I knew it, Chase was wiggling his fingers at me. I scoffed. “Oh please…” I said as I put my drink down. “I’m not ticklish. You know this.” 

Chase rolled his eyes. “I haven’t even had a chance to figure it out.” Chase mentioned. “How do I know you’re not ticklish, if you won’t even let me try?” He asked. 

“Simple: You take my word for it.” I shot back. 

“But that’s the thing:” He says. I narrow my eyes at him, preparing for the worst. I wanna know what ‘thing’ he’s talking about. “Take my hand.” He told me, holding out his hand. 

I look down at his hand. “Okay.” I grab his hand, not expecting him to do much. The worst he can do is kiss the back of my hand. 

“Thanks!” 

aAH! Wait, NO! “aAAAH! DOHON’T TICKLE MEHEHE!” I was wrong! I was so wrong! Tickling is worse than hand-kissing! “IHIHIT TICKLES!” 

“Well, no shit it tickles! I was hoping it would tickle!” Chase said. 

“CHAHAHASE DOHON’T! THIHIS IS MEHEHEAN!” I can’t help my jumpy movements! “IHIF I FALL, IHIHIT’S YOHOUR FAHAHAULT!” I shout at him. 

“I’ll gladly take the responsibility for your injuries.” I saw Chase throw his head back with a laugh. “Cause I’ll be laughing at you the whole time!” 

I feel motion sick. The world is spinning too fast. How do I slow down the spinning world? It’s impossible! I hold my head. It’s hard to focus when I’m like this…

I open my eyes to look at the ground. But the lights are confusing me. Why do I feel like I’m gonna fall? And why is the ground getting closer? 

Wait OH NO- FLY! 

….

….

….

Why is it quiet? 

Why is the music off? 

Where are the bright lights? 

Helloooo??

I feel someone grab me. “Okay, I think you’re a little lost. Let me help you, buddy.” Huh? Who’s that? I tried to look around. Marvin? No, Marvin would have his mask on. Who is this? 

I feel myself being shoved into the bathroom. “Hey-!” I turned around to look at him. It was Chase! “What the hell, man?!” I pushed him back a little bit. 

“Whoa whoa whoa there, Jackie…” He put up his hands in arrest. “Let’s calm down.” He told me. 

I could feel my face muscles getting tense. So I let them go. “Okay.” 

Chase grabbed a paper towel. “Are you okay, Jackie?”  

I widened my eyes. “Uh…” I bit my lip and looked down. I felt awkward. “I think so.” 

“Alright.” Chase backed up. “I think I understand why you don’t like getting drunk.” Chase said. 

I tilt my head. “What do you mean?” 

“You…you flew in the middle of the bar.” 

…I’m sorry, what?! 

“When?” I ask. 

“Just now. You were about to fall to the ground, and…you started flying.” Chase told me. 

There’s no way…I couldn’t have flown! I- there were so many people watching me!

“How many people saw me?” I asked. 

“Uhhhh…” Chase bit his lip. “At least 10 people…” 

I sighed. 10 is not that bad. 

“…Plus the camera…” I heard next. 

“WHAT?!” I grabbed Chase’s shoulders. “What camera?!” 

“The security camera in the club.” Chase replied. 

“Oh god, oh god…” I hold my head. “NO!” How could I have done this?! It was ONE NIGHT AT THE CLUB! ONE NIGHT, AND NOW MY REPUTATION IS RUINED! 

“But…there is a way to fix this…” I hear. 

I turned around and grabbed Chase’s shoulders again. “How?” I ask. 

Chase bit his lip. “By…dressing up in the super suit.” Chase said. 

I blink…I blink again…

“I’m sorry…but no.” I reply rather quickly. 

“If you don’t, then people will know who your secret identity is.” Chase told me. 

“…And if I dress in my super suit?” I ask. 

“Then it’ll be known that Jackieboy Man has fun sometimes.” Chase said. 

God, I can’t even think right now…I wanna do it but at the same time…I don’t wanna make a mistake and end up on the news for being at the club. But…news press about clubbing is much better than other controversies…

“Alright. Jackieboy Man is coming out!” I took off my shirt and put on my super sweater. I put my black mask on, put my red hood on and fluffed up my hair. Let’s do this! “LET’S GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SHITFACED FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY!” I scream. 

“NOW WE’RE TALKING!” I felt his hand on my shoulder. 

I felt him pulling me out of the bathroom. Wait, what’s he doing?! “WAIT WAIT!” I laughed. “I actually need to shit, dude!” I heard Chase laugh as I pushed him out of the bathroom. Fucking idiot…We’ll get shitfaced after I’m done shitting. 

[The Argus - April 13, 2024 - Brighton’s Jackieboy Man Sighted Drinking Cocktails at PRYSM NightClub - “I had never pictured Jackieboy Man to be a clubber” Witness recalls] 

So, how was my drunken writing? Was it super all over the place? Let me know! For context, I am more of a playful, loud, bouncy drunk.

[blackjackkent]

Time to party with the tieflings!

We have a new camp location - no longer in the ruins but somewhere out on the road, and there is nice music playing. c: This is nice.

Time for more social interaction!

Rather concerningly, the first thing I notice is this, lying on a table in a side tent:

????

There's no indication of who it belongs to and no option to follow up on it. This seems...like something we should be more concerned about. Hopefully Zevlor hasn't been putting a massive trick over on us this whole time.

Anyway, onwards...

The tieflings are all very happy and very drunk, and it's cute. They're being nice to Hector too and it's really doing a lot to brighten his mood; after everything that happened in the temple he was starting to feel way out of his depth, but this - he helped these people. That means something. A bard tiefling offered to write a song about him but Hector dissuaded her; so far he's proved very uninterested in being memorialized.

Companion circuit, starting with Halsin:

"Go on now. Don't waste a night like this talking to me. We'll discuss your problem tomorrow."

Poor Halsin is still covered in goblin blood.

The game (perhaps left over from the early access, when I believe Halsin was not a companion option but just a dude you could help and also flirt with) mostly only gave options to be super direct - "There's other things we could do besides talking..." - and even when I thought I was saying I just wanted to get to know him it ended up turning out that Hector was trying to come onto him. I think we can all safely assume Hector is not at that point yet. So I had to reload this conversation a few times. :P

"Take your own advice, why don't you? Go on - mingle a little."

"Later, perhaps. Don't worry about me. A night under the stars amidst nature's creation is just what I need after being locked up in the goblins' dungeon. Go on. Enjoy yourself. Seek out some wine before it runs dry - there are a lot of thirsty people around here."

---

Wyll, apparently, has been sort of lurking off to the side of the party.

He's depressed because, no matter what we did to help these tieflings, they're still going to be in danger because of Karlach and other monsters of the world. Hector didn't necessarily disagree, but tried to cheer him up a bit, which did seem to work.

(It seems as if all these conversations might be the initial entrance point for romance, because Hector had the option to ask Wyll to dance. Hopefully I'm not cutting myself out of anything by not taking any of these options right now.)

---

Gale...uh. offered to show us something magical.

Hector, assuming he meant some spell, agreed. "I like the sound of 'magical'. What do you have planned?

"A lesson. And trust me when I say - few have experienced the pleasure I offer to teach. However, it's something best experienced in more...intimate surrounds, once the revelry has ended and the stillness of the night has been restored."

Um. What did I just agree to?

I am legitimately unsure whether this was flirtatious or if Gale is ACTUALLY talking about some magic ability. Given Hector's general lack of facility with the nuances of conversation, I think he is taking this completely at face value. I almost reloaded, but you know what, we're going to lean into it. Come the end of the night, we'll see what was actually intended, I guess.

---

Astarion is not having a good time:

"You know, I never pictured myself as a hero. Never thought I'd be the one they toast for saving so many lives. And now that I'm here..."

"...I hate it. This is awful."

Hector, in spite of himself, grins. "You did a good thing," he says, lounging back on his heels. "Suck it up and enjoy yourself."

"Enjoy myself?! There's a worm in my brain, I'm surrounded by idiots, and all I've got to drink is wine that tastes like vinegar."

"Relax, all your problems will still be there in the morning."

"That means I have to survive tonight. And this party. All I want is a little fun - is that so much to ask?"

"That had better not mean 'I want to kill something'."

"Not at all! I was hoping for companionship and - well, maybe a little death. Figuratively speaking."

"Not with you, just to be clear. I mean...can you imagine? Ugh. No."

Lmao. God. I really went into this game being like "I am sure Astarion's fine but I don't imagine I will get the MASSIVE hype around him" but you know what. This is a great character. His dialogue has so much personality, his voice acting is on point, he should be completely insufferable but I am grinning every time I talk to him, and even with the scraggly hair which is not normally my thing, that jawline does wonders for his attractiveness. Even Hector doesn't seem to fully dislike him and by all accounts he really should.

And there's most definitely more lurking under the devil-may-care facade. I am 100% romancing him on a different playthrough.

For now, though, Hector will be satisfied with making sure he stays in camp and doesn't go completely off the rails.

---

Oh my god. Moving on to Lae'zel, who is looking at Hector with an entirely new expression that resembles nothing so much as a dog staring down a piece of meat.

"I have seen the kith'raki tear a screaming neogi's legs from its belly to fashion into blades. Yet they could not match your nerve today. It was enough to drive me to madness."

"A pity for us you have promised your body to Gale. I've no doubt he is as seductive as he is succinct."

:LKJSD;fljkaS;LDKJFAPOSIHDFPOAISJDFPAOISJDFPOIASJDFPOAISJDPFOJIE WHAT

Okay first of all - Hector is all O.O because he seriously thought Gale was going to show him a magic trick. Second of all - you weren't even THERE while Hector was showing all this nerve. Third of all - we have GOT to get you a better outfit to have these conversations in. And fourth - a;lsikjdf;aslokjdf;paolsdikjf;ap.

Help. My face hurts.

Hector, as awkwardly as humanly possible, squeaks out, "I"m grateful for your aid. You really are a gifted warrior."

She sneers at him. "Vlaakith demands of me no less." Her eyes sweep over him and a twitch of frustration tugs a muscle in her jaw. "Mm. If only I might lay claim to my proper trophy. Come morning, you will wonder. You will wonder how my lips might have tasted. How my fingers on your skin might have felt. Oh, but do enjoy yourself this night. I intend to, myself. Wyll looks particularly tempting."

a;lskjdf;alsdjkf;alsjdf;asldkjfds;sjd MA'AM?!?!?!?

Hector staggers away from this conversation feeling a little dazed, his skin about four shades darker, and not sure how to meet anyone's eyes.

---

Shadowheart is kneeling in apparent prayer in a completely different part of the map, way off from the party. She may be a Shar cleric and he's not sure how to talk to her, but at least it's quiet over here.

She smirks slightly, looking up at him, and raises a glass of wine from where it's sitting at her side.

"Everyone seems to be in high spirits. I saw you with Gale. You two looked...cozy. Far be it from me to judge. Blood must still be running a little hot, after everything."

Oh my god. Apparently EVERYONE except Hector knew what was going on in that conversation. Poor boy is definitely BRIGHT red now and flustered as hell.

They actually had a nice little conversation - Shadowheart talked about how she wouldn't have expected to care about the refugees (and Shar wouldn't approve of anything that distracted from her worship). And Hector had a drink with her.

"There - some liquid courage. And try to get some rest too if you can; tomorrow's another day."

[icebear4president]

Really nervous about posting a fanfic for the first time on here, but it’s just a little story about the NA brothers going stargazing!

“I don’t know why you wanted to come all the way out here, Al. I have a really nice observatory in Toronto that we could go to instead of trudging around in the snow.”

Alfred huffed, his breath crystallizing in the frigid air. The weather had dampened his mood quite a bit, and everything seemed to be going against him that day. The wetness of the snow on his thick layers of clothing made the bag on his shoulder try to slip off, and he constantly had to keep readjusting it, adding to his mood. Matthew, on the other hand, was actually enjoying the slight wind and the softness of the snowflakes that landed on his nose.

“If I wanted to go to an observatory, I’d just go in my own country. I already missed my chance to get the best view in August, and now I’m spending my days off trudging through the snow in Alberta. This better be as good as you said-dammit!” Alfred cursed, his foot falling through a snowbank.

Matthew watched in amusement as his brother struggled to get up, and continuously failing at it, letting out a string of curses that could rival a drunk England. It was pretty entertaining seeing the usually bubbly nation getting riled up over a bit of snow.

Taking pity on him, Matthew grabbed his hand and pulled him up, while grabbing the bag with his other hand. Alfred took it from him and held it to his chest protectively, glaring at the snow like it was the icy mush’s fault he wasn’t paying attention to where he was placing his feet. He brushed himself off and turned to Matthew with a pout.

“You should really do something about all this snow, dude. I could have broken my telescope and it was super expensive,” he whined.

“I can’t control the weather; I’ve told you this multiple times.”

Alfred ignored him and continued forward. He took out a folded map, eyebrows furrowing as he skimmed over it. He was pretty decent when it came to reading simple maps, but he was in no way an expert. But his pride always got in the way of him asking for help, getting him lost on occasions. “Your maps are total crap, bro,” he complained. Matthew forced himself not to roll his eyes at his incompetence.

“How about you let me take a look, and we can figure it out together,” he offered, which roughly translated to “You’re just being stubborn and making a complete fool of yourself.”

Alfred waved off his suggestion, still analyzing the map. “I’ve got this, bro. I’m the hero and heroes don’t need help.”

“Honestly, Al-”

“Ah-ha! We’re almost there! I told you I knew where I was going!” He bounded off and Matthew had to sprint to keep up with him, and almost collided into his brother’s back when he stopped abruptly. But being the good person he is, he decided against scolding his brother and instead tried to figure out why this place was so intriguing to Alfred. All he could see was a small clearing, like the millions of others scattered around his country. At first glance it looked like this was total waste of trip, except...

Ah.

Matthew smiled when he realized why Alfred had dragged him all the way out here. Very few trees, no buildings, no light pollution. Nothing but a vast expanse of sky for miles and miles. A perfect place for the type of observations his brother wanted to do. He should have known, remembering that there was a major tourist attraction a few towns over specifically for viewing the night sky.

“Well, don’t just stand there, help me unpack this! I want to have this fixed and in place before it gets too dark.”

With that, the two brothers knelt in the snow and started assembling the telescope piece by piece. Well, more like Alfred was overly paranoid Matthew would mess something up, watching his every move, until he finally decided to just do it himself. Anybody else might have been offended, but Matthew knew deep down Alfred trusted him to put it together, his possessiveness of his prized viewing tools just got in the way. It was in all honesty, completely unintentional.

Finally, after making sure everything was as perfect as it was going to get, Alfred did the last task of adjusting the lenses to his liking. He stood back and admired his handiwork.

“This baby is an Orion telescope. There’s no other handheld telescope like,” Alfred said proudly. Matthew hummed in agreement. He had a make and model just like it, but it was much older. He made a mental note to make sure all his viewing tools were up to date. He wasn’t really as good as keeping up with these things himself, letting his space agency worry about all that. Besides, he really only went stargazing if it was with his brother. 

Alfred dug into his bag again and pulled out a notebook and ballpoint pen, opening to a bookmarked page. Matthew looked over his shoulder, curious to see what was written on the pages. His eyes widened slightly in surprise and slight amazement. Detailed drawings of galaxies and maps of stars, with multiple diagrams of astronomical coordinates and mathematical formulas written in Alfred’s cursive handwriting. A much more eccentric version of what he did when he was younger.

“Huh, I didn’t think you still put so much time and effort into doing this. You have so much new technology, isn’t this a little outdated? Not that it’s any less amazing!” Matthew said, quickly.

Alfred flushed, but it was more from the praise of someone acknowledging his hard work than it was from embarrassment.

“Yeah, I know, I just really like doing it. It’s different, you know, when it’s by my own hand. This isn’t just a little hobby, Matthew, it’s something I really love,” he said, moving his hands as he talked to add extra emphasis to his words.

“You sound so grown up right now, who are you and what have you done to my brother?” Matthew teased. Alfred placed his hand on his chest in mock hurt. “Hey! I can be serious; I just choose not to! Why, just this morning-”

Matthew shook his head good-naturedly as Alfred went on a tirade of how he was a ‘mature adult’.

“Oh, I got you something!”

Surprised, Matthew automatically shook his head. “You didn’t have to-”

“Well, I wanted to,” Alfred cut him off. “Plus, it’s kinda old and I don’t have anywhere to put it anymore and I know you can take better care of it then me.”

“I don’t know if you’re giving me a job or a gift.”

Ignoring the jab, Alfred pulled out a weather-beaten leather notebook, very much like his other one, and handed it to Matthew who stared at it in disbelief.

“Alfred, absolutely not, you can’t give this to me. You worked so hard on this, it must have taken years!”

“A hundred and fifty years to be exact,” Alfred stated proudly, before softening his voice. “And I want to give it to you. You’re the reason I have it in the first place, remember?”

Warmth filled the Canadian, and he subconsciously held the notebook closer to his chest. Of course he remembered. When they were both colonies they were left alone for extended periods of time, only having each other for comfort. With all the time they spent together, Matthew couldn’t help but notice his brother’s fascination with the night sky. He would never forget the absolute joy on Alfred’s face when he gave it to him. He had spent hours upon hours outside for weeks on end, until Matthew threatened to take it away if he didn’t get back on a decent sleep schedule. He kept it like it was sacred, one time kneeing England in the groin when he dared to try to throw it out.

“Alfie, I-thank you. This means more to me than you know.” Alfred laughed a slapped him on the back. “No problem, dude! There’s no one in the world I trust more-oh look!”

During their conversation, the night had grown darker, and the first bright stars were starting to appear. Alfred hurried over to the telescope and grabbed his new notebook, starting to babble excitedly about what he was hoping to catch and observe, whilst spitting out facts Matthew already knew, until he went quiet completely absorbed in what he was doing.

Realizing he wasn’t getting a turn with the telescope, Matthew backed away a few feet and laid down on the snow. He sighed in contentment as he looked up at the bright band of stars that arched across the sky, slicing it in half. It was a good feeling that he wanted to hold on to for as long as he could.

He stole at Alfred, who was still absorbed in his work, completely dead to the outside world. His tongue stuck out from the side of his mouth, nose crinkled in concentration as he furiously wrote, but there was the undeniable twinkle in his eyes that gave away his excitement.

“Take a break Alfred, you’ve been like this for almost an hour,” Matthew called out, patting the soft snow besides him. Alfred frowned, looking he was going to object, before sighing. He walked over and flopped down, showering Matthew with cold droplets of snow.

“Asshole,” Matthew muttered,” kicking Alfred’s leg, “I hope you get so much snow this year, you suffocate in it.”

“Love you too, big bro.”

Alfred sighed, staring up at the sky with longing. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? That’s not even a fraction of what’s out there, not even a speck of dust in so many undiscovered places. And I’m gonna explore it all one day, just you wait!” He said, blue eyes sparkling.

Matthew nodded in agreement. That both knew that would never happen, but he was content in letting Alfred keep this dream of his. He was always dreaming, and some say that may be childish, but that’s what made him special. Matthew wanted this for Alfred, because if anyone could do the impossible, it was his brother.”

“Thanks for coming with me,” Alfred said, snuggling up to him like when they were kids. “You know, maybe Canadia isn’t so bad after all.”

“You’re a real comedian, Alfie.”

They went silent after that, enjoying each other’s company. Because at that moment, the world belonged to them. Not countries with problems coming at them left and right, just two brothers, peaceful and free from worry under a sky full of twinkling lights.

[icharchivist]

i finished act 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now there's just all these events I've yet to get to from a3en... plus reading through act 3 translations if those exist... i hope they do! but the FIRST thing I'm going to do is fill out my a3! name chart, haha :) okay but before i get ahead of myself: here's my thoughts on the rest of the winter story!

the moment they mentioned the fleur award, I knew within my heart that act 3 might have the members seriously tackle winning or at least getting a nomination, and hey, look, sakuya mentioned it at the end! there's lots of little things I could feel them start to set up, which is cool. like, haruto mentions that godza has new recruits! so I assume shift is gonna pop up in act 3. and then there's the hyakka theater company which sakuya adored so much winning the fleur award at the end... I wonder if we'll get to meet them? I also saw a character on a poll tournament once that I think was an old leader of spring? and since yuzo's already someone we've met, I wonder if we'll meet all the leaders of the old troupes... we've already seen quite a few bits and pieces of them, after all! then, of course, there's the thing with misumi's grandfather's old scripts and reni, which I'm sure will come into play... hopefully we'll get to see his brother, too... guy also recognized reni, so he's probably got some kind of connections with mankai, right? what if he was a leader of the winter troupe, or something? lots of possibilities. and tsuzuru's eldest brother could also bring something interesting to the table? he got his own sprite and all, and he seems pretty interesting, so I feel it'd be a waste if this was his only appearance...

since we're on that subject, I was very glad to meet tadoru. his and itaru's conversation was just really nice, and it was cool to see him kinda watching out for tsuzuru in his awkward way. for a moment i was confused by him randomly saying hello to itaru at the bar, though. was sitting there like. ...is itaru getting hit on? tadoru also gave me sort of chikage-esque vibes because he was just that friendly, and so when he gave itaru sake and was like. hey! bribe material! i was like. ah. nice. would love to see some more elaboration on what he says, though because... “I mean, back when everything was falling apart at home, I just ran off and left Tsuzuru to deal with it all himself.” is intriguing. tadoru says that tsuzuru probably resents him... i mean, he definitely has a right to, but i don't think he like, does, if that makes sense? like... his family is his family. he might not have been happy about dealing with stuff without his eldest brother around, but I don't think it's something that would... fester, if it makes sense?

I've gotten ahead of myself again, so let's rewind chronologically... it was nice to see the improv battle spark something in guy! also it's nice every time they run into haruto because like, tasuku probably calls him "yamada" on purpose but like, half of the time that people get his name wrong, I'm pretty sure it's totally sincere, which makes it even funnier... like homare being like. "ah, hato-kun, I think it was?" with no ill-will is amazing. i didn't actually make the connection that this was tasuku's second time playing raoul until now, which is quite a fun detail.

don't have much to say about the play itself... you made a really good point about how POTO relates to guy, so I don't have much to add except that there's a comment that izumi makes about homare as richard dragging emotion out of the phantom, and I thought that was neat, because it's homare that gets guy to laugh, too, with his silly chickpeas bit. all of winter getting drunk was sooooo cute. its so dear to me that tasuku and tsumugi are just like. intelligently critiquing theatre stuff. not even arguing. like how is their drunk habit just... how they are normally, it's great. and then of course there's homare who's in tears and super sappily composing poetry. love him. and love that he manages to elicit a truly wonderful-sounding laugh from guy the same way, later! what a BEAUTIFUL cg that was!!! homare looks so pleased with himself and he's right to be that way!!

the power outage for the last performance was such a cool moment, too... like, the way that this phantom's final line dedicates his song for his friend. where it's not about being a singer or taking his revenge, anymore. it's such a good way to reflect what guy says before the final performance, that being "all of you are the reason I am able to see myself as human again.” which is what chris does for the phantom, here. you can also hear in guy's BREATH how much finishing this play affected him, which is awesome. seriously, the VAs are so talented, but also whoever's directing them or the like has a really good eye for what kinds of voice performances to add...

watched the backstages and them at karaoke was cute! so they staged it with just music, i see... the part where they method acted like they were in a musical was really funny. yuki resorting to just saying he'll make them pay him every time they break out into song... the sakyo-influence. tsuzuru and yuki would actually be a really fun combo in terms of like, events, also. they've both got this midlly pessimistic way of talking. the SR hisoka was also really good... cant believe he sleeps in a coffin! no wonder tasuku got so into treating hisoka as a vampire during nocturnality lol. anyways what a great actor he is. i love that, with the possibility that hisoka was possessed presented to tasuku, who's seen magic happen before, tasuku is like. alright. time to act my heart out. i bet it was really good practice.

there's a bit where sakuya says "citron was still with us back then..." which. very misleading turn of phrase. anyways they're going to zafra!! whoo!! i think it's so funny that guy is like "I'm a wanted criminal" as like an expression of the fact that his presence is troublesome, completely unaware of the fact that two of the people he's gonna be travelling with are like, also wanted criminals. itaru has every right to call chikage a "menace" like he does here.

another hit out of the park with izumi going "I do not see." about chikage's illegal passport for guy. the structure of this episode is really interesting, though--winter had really big developments outside of their own story (tsumugi in act 1 plus a bit of tasuku, homare in the next play, azuma in the next + a bit of tasuku there, too, and then hisoka in spring's act 2 story. because they got such rich development there, it gives the story space to really work out things between guy and citron. like, apart from azuma and tasuku visiting azuma's old home, it's not like there's a particularly big event any of the other winter members go through? while spring has masumi's whole deal and though its minor, itaru has to open up a little to having a roommate. and summer had tenma's audition and dealing with that stuff, plus kazunari's career worries, alongside kumon's whole stresses (of which muku and juza obviously were major in helping him with). everyone in autumn gets a collage, but while it's not like the characters in winter weren't major presences, it was more like they were reflecting on stuff that had already happened, rather than having new things that developed them in some way? which allows for space.

as for guy's subordinate, mika, i'm like 80% sure their name is mika because it's meant to be like, "mikan"

we already discussed my opinion of zafra as a nation so there's no need for me to really go into that, but about tangerine!! firstly the fact that tsuzuru just has to instinctually correct his japanese is so dear to me, like, he can't rid himself of the impulse... also I can't believe I said muku probably reminded citron of tangerine and guy basically echoes my exact thoughts... like muku, he's rather cute and brave! running to save citron, and then making sure the fire is taken care of... what a good person! I'm sure he'll do well... didn't end up being twist-evil after all, phew. I'm glad I was wrong about that. the end was a little underwhelming in terms of how the king wrapped it up. i'm glad he did so kindly, but I think it's a rather big upheaval that just happened and it felt like things got wrapped up quite neatly... I feel like there's probably a more complicated and interesting way it could've gone down, that also makes zafra feel more like a real place, but that's for me to obsessively plot and headcanon my way around.

the moment they mentioned the chandelier i was like Ah. chekhov's chandelier!! also there's a literal chandelier fall in the actual POTO so like... yeah, of course. I ADORED how sakuya jumped in, improv wise. not even part of the cast! and yet! perfect reaction! he should be proud of himself. (my notes at that moment are just "THATS MY KIDDDDDDD!!!!")

the part where they save citron was also so good... like firstly, half the reason the plan to lure out citron works is because he thinks that it's mankai, which is a wild, would-be-tragic coincidence had not chikage and itaru saved him... speaking of!! what a good moment. those two are both kind of the "adults" of the spring troupe, so it was neat to see them put themselves in harms way while kind of redirecting the younger members. especially tsuzuru, who's fairly responsible... it's nice to see him get treated as young, yknow? anyways. it's up to dad and grandpa to save spring troupe's mom, right... i usually object to obsessively fitting found family into roles but since spring troupe has done this to themselves i can call them as i like!

the dynamic between itaru and chikage was really nice to see... they both know each other quite well, huh? the casual way they treated things was kind of fun. especially when chikage's like. close your eyes for a sec, would you, chigasaki? and itaru very cutely after being like ah close my eyes physically or mentally to your crimes? replies with roger that.

chikage rushing back in to warn everyone about the chandelier was also really really good... i love that his voice gets low when he's frazzled!

citron and spring's proper reunion was so nice... sakuya cried! and I really liked that guy talked to citron in zafran when telling him about being able to rediscover his emotions... “I was not merely ignoring my own emotions, but yours, as well.” was a really good point he made.

also with spring being family it's really awesome that citron calls them his second family.... that's right, they are! and then sakuya states the same feeling at the end, where he says "You're all my true family." which did, I admit, bring a tear to my eye. actually i started tearing up because before that he said "I guess I always assumed that we would always be here together as a company, you know? But that's not true, is it?" and then I remembered the a3en shutdown and got emotional.

still, it's such a sweet ending! excited for more, whenever I get around to it! and I can make my chart now!! I've just got one remaining thought, which is: I wonder who did guy’s scar makeup in zafra, since azami wasn't around? (probably azuma, is my guess)

YEEHAW CONGRATULATION!!! At least finishing the EN sever's content will be welcomed. (and then you'd caught up on me bc i still haven't started anything past that ahah…. ahah… cries). But congratulation at least on being introduced to the full cast now!!

under cut!

Congratulation on seeing it coming ;D yeah it makes sense honestly, after having sorted out some of their biggest emotional problems, it's time for them to start aiming higher eheh. And yesss there's so many set up. I haven't touched act 3 yet so it's just…. so far ahead for me lmao. We will get to meet the ex leaders of each troupes in act 3 though yeah! I really hope you're right in term of how Guy could see it coming too, and how everything is set up for more content in the future, hopefully. we'll see!

DFDLKFJDFL love thinking immediately that Todoru would hit on Itaru over just looking out for Tsuzuru, this is really funny. And ahah sake of chekov if you will. As for what you bring up, yeah… I think it's complicated. On one hand, it's understandable to want to run away when everything is falling apart - your parents are the one putting you through hell and ultimately you know it's going to ruin any possibility to a future you can have, so it's self preservation and all. But when you have siblings, it's leaving them to take the blow for you while you give up on them. It's selfish, it's understandable, i can't exactly blame him, but i blame him still because in the end it's the younger ones who had to take responsibilities while they could have banded together. But everyone was just trying to survive. When you see how Tsuzuru had to sacrifice everything for his family, you know Todoru should have done so too… But therefore it's even more unfair that Todoru dumped everything on Tsuzuru's shoulders. It's complicated, it leaves things to fester. So yeah. difficult for everyone involved.

Back to the plot, it was so nice indeed for Guy! and DLKJFDLKF yeah Tasuku is really just being petty that way. Also "Yamada" is Haruto's birth last name and also a very basic name? as in like, it's like "Smith" in the US, it's something a lot of people have, it doesn't stand out much. I think Tasuku is doing a couple things here. First, he used to call Haruto by his first name without honorific, which he doesn't even do with 90% of Mankai (the only people he calls by their first name without their honorifics are Tsumugi, Citron and Guy, so childhood friend privilege and the two without last name. Azuma stands as being the only one he calls by his first name + honorific. Everyone else is on last name + honorific basis). So it implies Haruto and him were close, yet by calling him by his last name again, Tasuku puts this distance between them. but it's also a name only Tasuku really knows, most people don't know Haruto like that. It remains something that denote how close they used to be, twisting the knife in the wound if you will. Meanwhile since Haruto wants desperately to be on top, to stand out, to be a star, it's also constantly reminding him that he's just like everyone else, that he's not standing out on his own, he's just a guy. it's so incredibly petty from Tasuku in general LDKJFDLKFJLD he knows what he's doing! But yeah the rst just, clearly isn't having this many hard feelings. I do think Azuma is being petty when he messes up (bc let's not forget also that the whole fight with Tasuku happened because of Haruto too, so Azuma may be entitled to be petty) but Homare? is fully genuine. It's so much. And yeah Tasuku and Haruto promotes POTO in act 1 when Tasuku is still working at the Godza! the more time changes.

And ahah i may have got ahead of myself there then -- but yeah Izumi's point here is very good, Homare truly is the emotion maker man. ALL OF WINTER GETTING DRUNK SO CUTEEE YES. and so true Tasuku and Tsumugi are so cute like that. hyperfixation goes brrr. meanwhile Homare, always a gem. he's amazing. And the fact he really gets to Guy is just 😭 Also not to be petty about fandom stuff here but i used to see a lot of jokes a few years ago about how Guy would be fed up with Homare's bullshit and would shut him down and be mean to him because of that and it used to make me SO angry because like Guy would NEVER, Guy would laugh and encourage him, it's HISOKA you want if you want to bully Homare damnit. This made me so angry. Homare has such a positive influence on Guy and Guy may be the one person in the Troupe who fully sincerely vibe with him (and not just to be sympathetic like Azuma and Tsumugi can be). I'm so glad you felt it. AND THAT CG IS SO CUTEEEE. A troupe symbolized by how hard it is for them to be honest about their feelings and how they closed all of them in, being able to laugh so openly with one another being silly. God i love them. Homare is so good.

YESSS Izumi's "the play will go smoothly" really didn't account for that lmao. I loved that everything went so damn wrong then. It made me think about how in act 1 every troupes except Winter have this moment of "The Show Must Go On" -- something that should have stopped the performance fully but the actors adlibed around the issue and all went well. Winter didn't have this moment in act 1, when Tsumugi fucks the play up no one knows how to fix it until the play is over. It really shows how quickly the others troupes went in synch with one another VS how Winter still had to work on their bond first. but in act 2, it's the opposite? For the 3 others troupes, all the problems happen before the plays, the plays themselves go rather smoothly. But Winter gets all sort of problems during their performance and they have to adlib ways to have the show going on even though they hit a deadend. i think it's a neat way to show that NOW Winter is fully in synch with one another. And i do think Guy is the ultimate way for them to make it happen, since Guy having so many of the issues the rest of Winter had to go through, the way they support Guy shows the way they learnt to support each other during the last year. But YEAH YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT GUY'S PERFORMANCE. it's just so so good and the scene is so touching and gaah ;;-;;. the VAs are just so good and the directing is really incredible. Also something i love is coming back to the early plays and see how drastically different the acting for the acting is?? like, after reading act 2, they added voicelines to Alex in Wonderland, so i went back to check the event then -- and it struck me how, while they clearly had improved and weren't hammy at all, the acting was still miles away from being as clear than in Charlatant of Oz. Playing bad acting shouldn't be so hard, but managing to play "medium acting, not bad, but there's room to improve" seems like such a talent to me. the directing must be really tight because even just by VA's strength alone you need some guidance there man.

Glad you liked the backstages! it's so cute to me ahh. YUKI IS SO FUNNY he really became so cut-throat now, thanks Sakyo. God you're right, Tsuzuru and Yuki like "the two somewhat sane people against the world". until Yuki asks Tsuzuru to write a play that has fun costumes in and then he calls him Villager C again and now all hell breaks lose. RIGHTTT I LOVE IT. Hisoka has been sleeping in a coffin since his R from Nocturnality, and Tasuku already had to confiscate it then, and Hisoka was just "…….. i need to become a vampire brb" bc of that; But he basically kept this habit ever since until his SR. And i just find it sO funny that Tasuku tried to get Hisoka to stop sleeping and help out and Hisoka chooses violence instead. He's such a little shit he's so funny to me. And Tasuku just rolling with it because "well i've been stuck in a timeloop so it might as well happen" is so so funny to me. We managed to tame Tasuku into accepting the wildest of shit. god i love them so much.

Sakuya talking about Citron like he's dead fr. BUT YEAAAH ZAFRA! AND DLKJFDKLFJ DYEAH RIGHT. Guy: i'm a criminal // Chikage and Hisoka, with their fake IDs and actual criminal records: wow sucks to be you i guess. Itaru is so right about calling Chikage a menace. Chikage is one. fully.

Izumi's "i do not see" is SO FUNNY YEAH. It's her life now.

And you're so right about the Winter's structure. I think it really helped that well, dealing with Guy's problems is already a way to sum up how far they've come. Like… when Azami was going through his issues, he wasn't really communicating them and Autumn didn't know how to get him to communicate it, so they all shared their personal lives with Azami so Azami would make his own conclusions and all. But for Guy Winter mostly just learnt directly from how they helped each other out to help him instead so it's where the progress is seen, more subdued. But yeah, unlike say, Summer where everyone had a big plot to go through, Winter doesn't have that because it's been a bit spread out. Which i think fits them well. Winter isn't the type to make a big deal out of their own things, so everyhting kinda just happens around them. Act 1 only had them do big things because supernatural intervention happened. but it really helped the actual drama of the event to set in. I think this chapter had a huge task to make Citron be as important to its chapter than Hisoka was to Spring, while also having him absent most of the chapter. As such it needed more time to breath for Guy to really reflect on his past with Citron and stuff.

ooooh good catch!

nods yeah… And RIGHT i almost mentioned "i'm sure i saw Tangerine being fully compared to Muku" in the prev ask before it hit me it probably happened after lmao, but yeah!! it really is just that Citron saw his precious little brother in Muku and immediately became overprotective. Tangerine is so good so cute!! also as a result the fact Guy keeps calling Muku "Little Prince" because he sees Tangerine in him too? so adorable to me. Tsuzuru also not being able to help himself correcting Tangerine's japanese was very precious yeah in that regard. the Citron impulse too strong. As for the Zafra political drama yeah i agree, it was a bit "gotta wrap it up" type of ending lmao. fixing it with HCs is a good plan though fully.

Chekhov's chandelier indeed….. it's indeed very POTO in that sense. but YEAH SAKUYA SAVING THE DAY. BABY. THAT4S OUR BOY!!!!! It's exactly what he wanted like. he was inspired to do theater because of the pirate play that had to improvise evacuating people during a fire drill -- being able to do just that also during a fire drill must have been really the moment for Sakuya to come full circle. (THAT'S OUR BOY INDEED YOUR NOTES ARE SO RIGHT)

And god right. I love this bit so much. Citron just missing his family so much. The actual danger of it all; Chikage taking all the danger to himself, as redemption as well. The fact Tsuzuru is being considered a kid for once (especially after hearing how his brother left him to take all sort of adults responsibilities, i think it really makes it come full circle that in that moment even Itaru, who heard about that, stepped up to have Tsuzuru leave this responsibility behind for once and let the adults do the work instead). And god Itaru. His involvement there is so much. he would never have done anything that dangerous before, but now that it's all about protecting his family who cares. And besides Chikage can murder people he'll be fine. And yeah same, i don't like projecting Found Family's title on people and all but there's a couple exception: Sakyo and Omi being Dad and Mom (as per Yuki and Taichi always insisting and the fact they both answer to their given title like that), and the weird convoluted family dynamic of Spring (because they just love to play those up so much). Like, in the end also, the reality is that those titles don't fit them that much -- but it's a private joke in between them so it's fun to indulge. Dad and grandad on their way to save mom let's go.

Itaru and Chikage's dynamic was so so fun. They're really roommates in a deep way but i love the way Itaru is just getting used to Chikage's rascal ways like that while Chikage is really just unable to get rid of Itaru so now he has no choice but to get used to it. The close your eyes scene is SO FUNNY, the "physically or mentally to your crimes" is one of my favorite line it's just so on point. Itaru is too used to this bullshit. "might as well happen" type.

oghh Chikage…….; sighs lovingly he's so good isn't he. and yea his voice. so good.

CITRON'S REUNION YESS. Sakuya who's been already always left behind by all the family members who took him in, finally making himself a found family, and legit everyone almost leaving him at some point (except Tsuzuru)…. no wonder he cried when Citron was finally back. It's probably the last straw at this point for him. God. Family. And GOD Guy's quote as he talks with Citron. Crying.

Spring being so, so determined to talk about how they're really a family just keeps making me cry. Like, they really saw themselves as each other's family… ironically in the anime, when Citron and Izumi run away from the people that were sent after Citron, Citron does add a line about how in a way, he kinda hopes the troupe could become his family…. and the Ending song for Spring, Home, is also really about "and this home maybe could become a family" and it makes me cry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lM_rHEFJ3ME But them talking about the end of the company just makes me so unwell. A3en ending really ended up making all of that so, so hard to swallow sobs.

SO GLAD you liked the ending. Now you know everything you need to know before the events ;D and yeah, i think Azuma was the one to do the make up without Azami around. he probably knows a thing or two so it helps out ;D

there's a couple things linked to the events, else i also did the mistake to tag my dgm posts with massive spoilers with kiri dont look so it might still be a landmine...

i can delete the tag from the dgm tags so it can make it easier for you? but yeah else some events are in the way

anyway as always i'm so glad to have been able to read your thoughts <333 so glad you had fun and so glad you get to know the whole cast now. they're so sweet, always........

Take care and see you around ;D

[xxxdegenerate]

Douma X Reader (Somewhat Modern)

❥note ;; OMG so I had a random thought just now. What if after the big fight Douma somehow manages to live, maybe he didn't eat Shinobu, and now hides away, for decades. And then you come along and meet him in more recent years. ❥contents//tw ;; cursing, fighting, kissing // proofread

Crazy City

The night air was chilly. Although the lanky man walking didn't seem to mind. He admired the city. He doesn't come out much, in his little cave home that he took over. No one ever went that deep into the forest to ever really find it. He also opted to eating men too. Much to his dislike. But he does come to the city every once in awhile, just to see the improvements every human so thought was great for earth.

Although he thought it was crazy, much less for humans to advance this far. Tall skyscrapers, super cars, and different clothing.. very different. Catching a woman with h/c hair flowing with the small breezes that went by. She wore biker shorts, a black tank top, and a biker jacket. Holding a motorcycle helmet and seeming to be shoving through the crowds of people that also grew over the years.

You shoved your way through the crowd. You were supposed to meet your friend for dinner, but you ended up losing her in the heaps of people on the street. "Maki!" You attempted to call out, but it was no use. The cars were too loud, and the multiple conversations being held drowned out your soft voice.

You sighed. You didn't know which restaurant you were supposed to meet at either.

Rainbow eyes followed you the whole time. A couple meters behind you. A whiff of roses hit his nose every time you made sudden movements. It's been awhile since he's felt this way about anyone.

He had to have you. He stalked you a little longer before you come to a complete stop, bringing up your phone out of your pocket.

Meanwhile you cursed. Your phone was dead. You run a hand through your h/c locks and turn around, ever so slightly getting a small glance of the tall man. Thinking nothing of it, you walk the other way. Might as well backtrack. Maki could be waiting for you where you lost her.

You stop where you last remember seeing her. Suddenly someone bumps into you. "EY! Watch where you're going." The drunk slurred. He had the audacity to tell you, a stopped person, to watch out?

"Excuse me?" You looked at him funny, and he didn't like that.

"I said. Watch where you're going whore." You gasp.

"Okay buddy." You throw a punch at his face and he stumbles backwards. A few people made a couple "Oo's and Ah's."

"Mind your business people!" You called out before shoving past the drunkard.

He grabs your hand and pulls you back. You go to shove him off before a boney hand with long fingernails, that happened to be blue. Grab the mans hand and pulled them off of your wrist.

Your eyes snap towards the man. You narrow your eyes, as if you remembered seeing him earlier.

"Let me go!"

"I don't think I will be doing that." The ominous man responded, his grip tightening on the drunk man. He felt funny inside, he was angry at this man for bothering you. Ruining your walk and distracting you from focusing. You click your tongue to the roof of your mouth.

"I have this by myself." You shove the drunkard away, and he runs off. You turn towards the taller male. "Why are you following me?"

You finally get a good look at him. His clothes seemed to fit in. A red long sleeve with some nice dress pants. He looked well put together. His hair was rather long, and a little messy. He had a weird dye in his hair though, you found off. Although everyone was doing something weird with their hair anymore.

"Me? Following you?" He pointed to himself and you scoffed.

"I'm not stupid."

"You caught me." He holds his hands up playfully, the corners of his mouth turning up.

"Well?" You waited for an answer and he looked at you dumbly. "Oh my god never mind. Don't follow me." You turn on your heel to continue your adventure of being lost.

"Ah~ Wait." He catches up to you and starts walking with you. You look at him out of the corner of your eyes. "You seem lost."

"Ah so you noticed. I just lost my friend that's all." You tried your best to lose the man.

"Do you need help." In all honesty, he knew where your friend was.

"No." You continue to walk, the man also following along. You paid no mind to it, as he wasn't doing anything weird. But you were weary of the man, keeping your eyes peeled.

"Do you do this to everyone?"

"Only attractive ones."

You choked on your spit and your feet stuttered in movement. "Excuse me?" He laughed at your reaction and peered at your face.

"I think you're rather attractive." He repeated.

"Yeah yeah, I heard you." You swat your hand at him. You speed up and he seems to catch up easily. "Would you stop that, don't you have any friends or family to go too?"

He frowned slightly. No he didn't, not that he knew of. The rest of the demons were probably long gone, and he for sure did NOT have any family. "Not really."

"I can see why." You face palm. You needed a charger. Since there were stores all around, you walk into one. A weird clothing store. "Excuse me." You go to the main counter. "Do you have any phone charger?"

"No, sorry." The lady waved you off and you turned around. Eyes meeting a chest. "Why are you still- you know what, I don't care." Right now, finding your friend was first.

"Why are you so panicky? I'm sure your friend is alright." His voice was slightly soothing, a calm silky voice. Somewhat unsettling but you get the shabang.

"Because, I'm worried about her." Ah feelings, something he didn't understand totally still.

You walk, until you are at a more quiet area. A nice sidewalk path with trees arching over it. The moon light was now the only light, brightening the path.

The weird man still followed you. Maybe you should just go to her house. You two lived close, but you didn't want this guy to follow you all the way there. If she was there, she could be in danger too.

You've had your fair share of fights, but your friend was literally the girlest girl you knew.

The walk was silent. Douma was admiring you. The way you walked, making your hair bounce... and those.

"Well. I think it is time we part ways mister. I enjoyed your company for too long." He looked at you, unmoving.

"You can enjoy my company in a different way." He stepped a little closer to you and you back up.

"I-" Your breath hitched in your throat. Upon closer inspection, he was rather handsome.. His eyes though. Something you just happen to notice.

"Your eyes..?" You mumbled.

"You like them?" He teased. In all honesty, you did.

"What are they contacts?" you laughed.

"What are contacts?"

"What?" You deadpan. This guy seemed old-school. Just how old was this man anyway. He didn't look that old though, maybe 20-22. You raise a brow at him as he leaned down to reach eye level.

"What do you say? Want to take my offer." You scoff and turn to continue walking.

"You wouldn't be able to handle me." You said, the tension building up. Although you knew you were bluffing. You've only ever kissed someone, like what twice? You had no intention to do anything with this man... yet.

"Oh? Is that a challenge? Because I'm positive I can." He steps in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

You roll your eyes at him. "Sure you can." You go to walk past him, but he catches your wrist and pulls you back. Your chest hits his chest and he looks down at you. He was taller then you, that was for sure. And bigger. Bigger in-

A bright red dusted your cheeks, hoping that it was just dark enough he wouldn't be able to see. "W-what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" He leaned in closer and you covered your mouth with your hand.

"I wasn't going to kiss you. Why are you thinking that hm?" He continued to tease you. You slapped his arm lightly. "Prick, I didn't think that you just leaned down so I tho- no I mean I-"

You were cut off by cold lips meeting your warm ones. Your eyes flutter shut. You pull back. "W-wait." You looked into his rainbow colored iris and noticed he was looking at your lips. Your mouth stayed slightly agape. He licked his lips, before they parted slightly as he went to say something. Something you didn't even manage to understand. You catch a slight glance at his fangs. Why did you feel so turned on.." You gulped.

You looked to the side and his hand swooped up, pulling you by your jaw to look back at him. "Don't look away." Rainbow eyes flickering between your e/c ones and soft plump lips. "May I?"

You nod ever so slightly, why the hell not? Were you dreaming?

He smashed his lips into your own, as if he yearned for it. His arms snaked around your waist. Your own pressed against his chest, as you had dropped your helmet a moment earlier. He tugged you closer, trying to feel you as much as possible.

He bit at your lip, causing you to yelp into his mouth. Oh how he loved that sound. He bit down again, harder this time, drawing slight blood. The sounds of lips smacking together, breathy moans, oh it was enough for him. He pulled away, kissing down your jaw to your neck. You shivered in delight.

His lips, soft and wet. Pressing damp kisses to the nape of your neck. His tongue gliding back up a centimeter before biting down softly, and sucking. He was marking you. He wanted you. Your hands moved on their own, going up and wrapping around his neck. Your fingers tangling in his hair.

You let out a soft sound, music to his ears. His grip tightened.

Suddenly a honk of a car drawled the two of you away. You blinked before looking around. You had pulled away from the man and he moved back.

"That was rather fun wasn't it dear?" You felt nothing, well. You did. You felt a lot. In your head, chest, between your legs-

You gulped and looked back up at him. "I can't say I hated it." You blinked and he laughed, his hand finding it's way into yours.

"I say we do this again hm? I'll find you once more." He would. in fact, it would be rather soon. Because he wants to keep you, for himself.

"What's your name?" You asked.

"Douma." You looked around before going to look back at him, he was gone. "What the-"

You felt a little lost now, you sat down on the curb, lost in thought.

Maki found you on the side of the road, shaking you lightly. "Y/n? Oh my god I've been looking for you all fucking night. I was just walking home man!" You looked up at her, your eyes in a gaze. A dreamy haze took over you. You were in heaven just a couple minutes ago. You brought a hand up to your lips. A small wince left your throat. Oh you really had to find him again.

"Woah.. girl are you good." You smiled at her.

"More then good."

[funkymbtifiction]

Between some types

Hey! The thing about EFJs not realizing that they are coming across as more than just friendly when they only platonically love people and tending to be very flowery and warm and expressive when with anyone who they think likes THEM a lot too really hit home! I feel like even if I really want to say no I have to do it in the most gentle way possible because I love the person and want them to feel alright. My friend/classmate who is a thinker (ISTP?) does not understand why I feel the need to do this. 

I've heard similar things from my EFJ friends. One of them says that to make others happy makes her happy; that it may seem silly to Fi types, but having others around her feeling good -- makes her feel good. She wants to keep everything harmonized and will adjust her emotions to whatever theirs are for the current situation -- and put her total attention on the other person and make them feel truly "heard." That's what EFJs do well, and why sometimes others can misconstrue the level of their interest -- because it's so dialed into you when you're in front of them. She says the stereotypes about EFJs wanting a ton of people in the same place is wrong, because she can't dial into someone and connect to them by mirroring back at them what she senses off them, when she's in a group -- her attention is fracturing out in all directions. Do you relate to that?

I guess this brings me to my series of asks -- I've always been a really trusting person because I want to believe (so badly!) that we're all trying our best to be benevolent, but I'm wondering if this is a trait for FP types too.

It can be the case for ENFPs (SPs are usually less fanciful and idealistic), but it also usually indicates a highly compliant, nice person. We all assume others are the way we are -- so if we are a trusting and kind person, we assume others will be trusting and kind. If we are distrustful and suspicious, we assume others will also have trust issues. Believing that everyone is good and means well comes into sharp contrast with "reality" when we take a look at it -- did the Nazis mean well? how about the drunk down the street who beats his wife? But that's an aside... wanting to believe the best in others can be an EFJ type, because it's hard for EFJs to think badly of others, due to their desire for harmonizing and equality. They also struggle to access their inferior thinking function, which tends to ask "why are they not being kind?"

I am questioning my type again since an IFJ was telling me how I am super trusting and might not intuit or catch someone trying to trick me, which sounded more like ExFP than FJ. I think I am a Fe user, but this friend also compared me to an ESFP character, so I'm wondering if this behavior is more typical of ESFP now. If I'm an EFJ, I have no idea which one I am, because I feel I have traits of both Ni-Se and Si-Ne.

Being super trusting could mean you are a 2w1 or a 9w1. FJ 9s tend to be trusting, assume the best of everyone, sweet, and sometimes naive, because they don't want to be "bothered" by the hard things in life, or think about them, or face them, so they push them off to the side. 2s think it's terrible/bad to think badly of other people, instead of being warm, generous, loving, and compassionate toward them, in a desire to connect more deeply to them.

Here are the things making me wonder if I am ESFP or even ENFP:

- I used to be super loud and outgoing and risk taking when I was younger and had a hard time toning myself down even when I wanted to. Inside I was a bit jealous of everyone who came across as 'perfect' and I had a very difficult time hiding my feelings and my jealousy even though I wanted more than anything to be nice and good.

This indicates a lot of super-ego sweetness, but also extroversion. How rapid are you at addressing your feelings in any given situation or airing them to others? EFPs keep their feelings inside more than EFJs, who tend to address things immediately by venting. This sounds a bit 2w1ish as well -- feeling jealous about others getting attention (the love you crave) but also feeling a need to be "good."

- I hate things with no connection to human beings and things that are super abstract and logical but I love philosophy and typology.

This could be either one, but may be ESFJ-ish in general. ENFJs are very, very good with highly abstract concepts; ESFJs are not (they are more about people in the present) and ENFPs tend to sit in the middle (ideas, concepts, thoughts, theories, fine, but not super abstract stuff... Te doesn't see the point).

- I am not super into cliques because they exclude people & I do work in the inclusion sector and can't stand the behaviors of people who make other people feel 'other' or 'too different/weird' for not following social protocol perfectly.

Is this coming from a them place or a me place? Them -- as in, it's wrong to make them conform when it's not what's best for them or what they need or want (Fe); vs "I wouldn't want to conform, so I am against anyone else conforming" (Fi). One is a total objectivity when it comes to others and their feelings, the other is subjectivity and self-referencing (thinking about me, how I would feel, and THEN that leading to your decision to be against that thing, as opposed to the EFJ tendency to champion causes that don't involve "me").

- I lead discussion circles about inclusion and interdependence and I LOVE doing it which makes me think I have a propensity for Pe concepts.

This sounds EFJ to me.

- I have been socially awkward/too polite/too outgoing/energetic/trusting before and I cringe at myself for my past blunders all the time & just wish I came across as smooth all the time even though nobody really does. I have been typed as a 3 but I don't know if I'm good enough at 3ing to be a 3.

I think you have too much right/wrong thinking for 3. 3s are not in the super-ego triad, and their life is not ruled by inner voices telling them what they 'should' do or how they 'must' act. This sounds like self-judgment coming from a 1ish place.

- I am extremely *internally* critical of myself but I stop myself from having critical thoughts about others because that's not what nice people do and imagine how they would feel if they knew my inner thoughts.

This is also EFJish (and more evidence for a 2w1 core). First, the judgment -- nice people aren't critical of others. That's the 2w1. Then, paired with strong Fe -- what if they ever found out about my true thoughts and it hurt them?? Fi is more "having these thoughts makes me a bad person, I'm not living up to my best self!" There is a subtle difference, but the focus is still them (what would they think) and me (what's wrong with me???).

- I sometimes have trouble figuring out who I am because of all of the external messages I get which, now that I think about it, seems like a perceiving-dominant thing. I tend to mirror too much lol :)

Too much mirroring is strong Fe. EFPs tend to have a strong sense of who they are as independent from others, even as attachment types. It's EFJ who automatically tunes into everyone else, and has to learn how to distance themselves from what others want of them.

- I ask a lottttt of questions (don't know how typology related this is but I am always curious and hoping to know more about people and psychology!)

This doesn't always mean Fe/Ti (it's also common in head types -- 5s, 6s, 7s), but in your case I think it is. :)

I suspect ESFJ 2w1 so/sp.

[solmints-messyocdiary]

My Notes on Her pt. 1/???

The subject is a 6'6? 6'7??...

Caucasian?? (I have no idea what her exact nationality is) - Nor her name but everything in its time.

Female.

~

Most of her victims are males. She enjoys it when they challenge her and put up a fight, however, quoting her "but weak, pathetic ones are fun too. You're safe though, not my type." I don't know whether to be relieved, offended, or disappointed.

~

Technique: brutal and messy. Keen on leaving as many non-lethal cuts/bruises before the finishing blow. Likes to play with her food. Takes her time. In my opinion, she should add more pizzazz to it.

Dunno, pose them in a way?

Throw flowers on the bodies?

Carve her initials???

I am not expecting much but yeah. Her kills have nothing that makes them stand out only that many are men and are extremely brutal. But even that can be confused as gang activ Fight gon

Eh, I have no idea. There aren't even gangs around here and the neighborhood is fairly calm minus the odd stalker here and there haha winkwink

~

Inhumanly strong and durable, surprisingly quick-footed as well. High pain tolerance. She broke her left hand due to exertion but is still using it. Need to buy more bandages and those wrist thingies for her.

~

She seems to like challenging games or anything that makes her solve hard riddles or puzzles.

~

The subject tends to be more talkative when making sarcastic remarks, which is always. Yay...

~

Apparently graduated from philosophy (red flag) with a minor in psychology (even bigger red flag!)

~

According to her... Had a good childhood too... odd but not unheard of for her to be like she is.

Unwilling to share more information about her family or her growing up.

~

Her favorite movie is "Heathers," so one has to wonder if her personality is really her own or... she does tend to act like a J.D. wannabe at times. She even tricked me by using his backstory as her own... fuck me I guess.

~

Can crack jokes at any occasion which is both hilarious but disturbing at the same time.

~

Affirms that she is 100% lucid when doing the slaying; "no voices in this head." Which makes it 10 times more terrifying than if she WAS hearing voices telling her to kill. Kind of sad about that, it might have made an interesting plot for a book or movie. Add some crazy Supernatural elements and boom! A blockbuster like all the 5000 others.

~

Comments that the first time she killed she vomited and had to clean up and move the body far away from that big patch of DNA. Didn't come out of her room for 3 days. I can't prove nor disapprove her claim but knowing her I should take it with a grain of salt. Hasn't given me any reason why she reacted like that. People don't tend to puke their guts out when doing something they like (even if that is gutting someone up.)

~

First victim was an alcoholic, probably smoked some shady shit too, was known for picking fights and beating his wife, hated by his neighborhood.

"No one would miss him..."

What I found weird was that apparently his spouse was searching for him and crying too...

Kinda glad that was the case for the guy.

Not for the woman but... why would she cry for a guy like that? I will never understand women who stay with those types... or anyone for that fact. If that was my father I would h..., but she finished him off too quickly. A quick stab, no momentum, no signature, no show.

Too bad. Bastard probably deserved more.

I also asked her why him exactly.

She replied, "Easy kill, was constantly drunk, not very smart or strong. No one would make a fuss about him. In fact, everyone seemed relieved when he didn't come back the next day... or the next month. Seemed perfect."

~

If you ignore the scars, homicidal tendencies and the super human strength along with the extreme apathy she possesses, she looks like a normal chick.

A tall, normal chick.

A tall, muscular and scary, normal chick.

I just saw her painting her nails (where did she even get the polish in the first place...) and watching some cheesy high school drama on TV with almost a hint of interest. She seems to enjoy those a lot I noticed. The messier and dumb, the better.

~

She's... odd.

Totally different from what I imagined her being like based on the newspaper articles.

I like her.

[fairweather-fangs]

All texts except for lyrics ;)

We are now living in an alternate world where F actually looks at his phone.

㊁ : emergency

[Txt] [Bees]

:Hey i thunk i fell down the stairs

:I can't find K or C i need help please

:I think i broke my arm. I might be being dramatic

:I can't go to the nurse I'm like bqlck our drunk

:Please

♡ : endearing/affectionate/loving

[Txt] [Bees]

:This might seem out of no ahere but... i really like that you out your hands on me alot

:It’s cute. I like the random touch

:You should be more handsy with me morenoften. Not in a weird way. Or maybe it is i don't know

👅 : sext/suggestive

[Txt] [Bees]

:I'm feeling a little bored...

:And a little needy...

:Do you wanna come to my room and have some fun or do I need to come to you?

[Semi blurry picture of him shirtless in a body harness smoking a blunt, the top part of his face isn't shown]

★ : wrong number

[Txt] [Yoriko(?)]

:Ok so if you could nake any mystical creture real? What one?

:I'd say like, specifically east asian dragons because then westher predicting would involve asking a lizzrd which os better than asking cclouds

:That or clownfish because they are very cute and I want one as a pet. Or to just see one i don't know

:Hey oh my god wait this is Yoriko right? C changed all my contacts. O don't know which ones are which i forgot to ask first haha

☯ : angry/hateful

[Txt] [Bees]

:Hey not to be rude but do yiu have any othwr setting that "super mean and judgmenral?"

:Because i feel like you're just really bitchy 100% of the time

:It it cause you can't more number one or dose A not suck you off enough?

♖ : drunk/drugged

(=That’s like all his messages ajejaja=)

[Txt] [Bees]

:Are your feee?

:Cause i need hslo shsomehtjnv

[Blurry image of what might be his floor in his room, very filled with smoke, absolutely nothing can be made out in the image]

:THEIS!!

♛ : worried

[Txt] [Bees]

:Hey.

:So I cannot find some of the expensive stuff in my room and I'm freaked out someone took that.

:And that's alot of money so I was wondering if you knew anyone who came to possess a suspicious amount of my product as of late.

:Seriously this is like a net loss of a good several hundred pounds. C doesn't know shit I'm gonna loose it.

♘ : late night

[Txt] [Bees]

[Picture of a clear night sky, taken from the garden outside]

:That’s kinda fucked up huh?