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siberat · 2 years

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not the orginal anon but i loved your wg rodi/mus story! can you perhaps write a follow up when he goes to meet this mystery admirer? (if possible i would love for the angst about his wg continue :)) hope u doing well! and thanks in advance

Part One

Rodi/mus pranced his way through the corridors of the Lost Li/ght, rounding turn after turn until he stood in front of his habsuit door. His spark fluttered with excitement, for he was finally going to meet his secret admirer. Prim/us, he waited long enough, and everyone knew he hated surprises.

No.

He liked surprises, just hated waiting for them. The dear captain was a bit impatient after all.

He enjoyed immediate results (well, if he didn’t need to provide these required results, that is). The red and yellow mech was one of action!

Wasting no time, he beelined it to his wash rack, turned the solvent, and stepped under the stream. Nice hot fluids cascaded over his frame. Rodi/mus found this one of the most relaxing times of the day: standing mindlessly under the shower. Why? He liked to imagine all the dirt getting rinsed off his beautiful frame. Also, he felt like it rinsed all his worries away. Down the drain you go!

Upon rubbing the washcloth over his body this time, his woes didn’t slough off him like in prior experiences. Instead, they clung like bugs splattered across one’s windshield when speeding down a road. This was caused by several reasons.

The major one is his weight gain. While he loved the scrumptious snacks gifted to him (clearly, by his expanding midsection), he missed his sleek frame. Looking down, his paunch expanded out a bit, hanging over his hips. Running his servo across his waist revealed a soft and squishy feeling that resembled a water balloon, not the firm tautness it once sported.

However, that special note claimed to not care about his now squishier belly, right?

The next worry was, who was the mystery mech? Sure, he had a major guess, but what if he was wrong? What if this mech was someone who would not be a desirable date? Rodi/mus could think of a couple that would fit that bill. While Swe/rve was a fun guy, he wouldn’t really be dating material: his mouth formed weird trapezoid shapes when he spoke at times. Weird.

Another lousy date would be Whi/rl. I mean… come on, the captain didn’t like to be mean, but that mech didn’t even have a real face. And he was just too obnoxious! Like, all the time, too.

The third wrong choice of a date sprung to the Auto/bot’s mind and made him drop the soap he was dousing the cloth in; Prim/us, what if it was Mega/tron? Fighting back his gag reflex, Rod/imus whimpered. Slag, how bad would that be? Imagine the reason the former Dece/pticon was on this ship was a lie, and it was all just some crazy, hyper-fanboy excuse to try to berth him?

“Bleeegh!” the flame-colored mech shook his helm, hoping to shake that thought from his processor. If Mega/tron, the stupid self-proclaimed co-captain of this ship, awaited him, he would break down and cry!

The spray of solvent cut off, and his meticulous drying routine followed. Once the captain was satisfied with the shininess of his frame- and he checked every angle- he set off to the observational deck.

This was where he would come face to face with the gift giver. However, the closer Rodi/mus traveled to the destination point, the slower he walked. Gone was the excitement of meeting who was crushing on him; the feeling of dread awoke in its place. He no longer skipped, but rather dragged his pedes.

It wasn’t too late to turn back… He could pretend he didn’t receive the note. Ignorance can be bliss…. Right?

He stood face to wall with the door to the meeting place, yet didn’t know if he dared to go in. How badly did he need to know who this mech was? Was this really such a big deal?

Let’s take a second to think about this…

The second is up. Everyone knows Rodi/mus doesn’t like surprises, and he cannot just walk away from this situation. So, we know he palms the door open and walked inside. With a reign of superior confidence too. As the saying goes: fake it until you make it.

And what is he greeted by?

Huge windows that showcase the vastness of space. Flecks of light litter the sky, and there even appears to be a distant solar system in the background. Just before the windows is a table draped with a white tablecloth. On this table sat two sets of dinnerware. Upon closer inspection, the plates were fine china, not the cheap crap used in the canteen.

Decorative silverware is set to the sides. To the left of the plate were two forks, one bigger than the other. The other side of the dish also had two knives of different sizes. Can you guess what was next to them? Two spoons. One is much rounder than the other.

“What the frag?” Rod/imus muttered. How many utensils did one need? He could make do with one fork and knife-slag- even just one spoon can be used to shovel food inside his mouth!

But when it came to table settings, it’s not over. A cloth napkin folded in some intricate shape rests upon the dinner place. It held a name card with his name on it too. Cursive font, to be exact.

“You gotta be kidding me!” Above that plate was yet another fork and spoon! This was getting out of hand, borderline silly! And to make matters worse, to the left of that was a little plate with a weird-looking knife resting perfectly straight across it. And we cannot forget the three glasses of various shapes and sizes, plus the cup and saucer to the right.

Did this person have some kind of weird dinnerware fetish?

Rodi/mus was about to call it quits, but a whiff of something delightful caught his attention. His belly grumbled loudly. Great- his stomach noticed the enticing aroma as well. Just behind the table were several covered dishes. Now, our dear captain may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he was smart enough to deduce there was food within those dishes.

‘BWwwwwoooooooruuuummmmmmbbbllllllleeeeee!’

Prim/us, how long has it been since he last ate? According to his demanding stomach, too long!

But that’s not the point here: Just where was his secret admirer? No mech was present. And this caused a lump to form in his throat: maybe he was stood up.

Or worse.

What if this was just some sort of cruel joke? What if, instead of adoration, those treats and notes were sent in jealousy? Someone sent him all those treats with the intention of making him gain weight and make him ugly? And when discovering his unhappiness, another card, full of lies, was sent his way as a final insult…to get his hopes and spirits up just to smash them down?

Slaggit, it sounds more like a dirty ‘Con trick, after all.

His cheeks grew warm with shame at just thinking he had been played. Seriously, who would find this new body of his attractive? Suddenly, the desire to return to his habsuit grew. Even if it meant leaving the delightful food behind, Rodi/mus didn’t like to be the butt of a joke. He spun around to head for the door when a relatively large body loomed in front of his path.

......

part 2 will be up in a day or so. I broke it up because I don't want these to be particularly long reads

read on AAOx3 Collection of Chubby Drabbles - Chapter 10 - siberat - Transformers - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

#chubformers #siberat fanfiction #siberat answers

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ao3feed-bnha-rarepair · 2 years

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At the Cemetry's Gates

At the Cemetry's Gates by Blancfortune

“Isn't that a bit…morbid? Living with the thought that you can die every day?”

“Isn't that sort of what you heroes do?” Rody countered and nudged Deku towards where he wanted to go.

One last trick. Before he hung up his trickster pelt for good.

For this, Rody didn't want to be alone but he also didn't want to drag his siblings here.

“Rody-san, where are we go– ah.”

“Yeah, sorry. Could you go with me to the cemetery?”

“A bit too late to ask now that we're standing in front of the gate,” Deku murmured.

Words: 997, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 34 of Fic Fight 2 - Here we go again

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen, M/M

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Rody Soul

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Rody Soul

Additional Tags: ...I forgot Pino, missing moment, visiting a gravesite, talking to a grave stone, no beta we die like Rody's Dad, NWA Fic Fight Team 1-A

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39820770

#AO3 Feed #FanFiction #AO3 Rodydeku #♡#Rodydeku #🐤#🐰#⚣#R:T #A:Blanc

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delku · 2 years

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tbh beros' arrow is deku's closest call in the entire series. i was gonna say "bar sludge villain" but then i realized fuck no all might was chasing that guy, the sludge villain was the one on the timer more than deku was.

(keep in mind this is meta and not about how much of the plot is written for obvious plot reasons. movie 3 is not a masterpiece and i'm aware)

deku's close calls are as follows: sludge villain, bakugou's battle exercise attack, the USJ, maybe hosu (particularly the flying noumu), maybe kiyashi ward shopping mall, muscular fight, maybe kamino, maybe the eight precepts raid, and i hesitate to even list the plf raid because there wasn't any one single near-miss there to speak of (deku took a lot of nonlethal damage and medical was on the scene before shigaraki even escaped). post-plf, deku recognizes and knows to react to danger sense, trivializing most attempts on his life (though the puppet guy does nearly trample him... which is difficult to quantify here).

as for the movies, uh. the plots of the first two escape me, though i know nine (movie 2) does a number on him and bakugou. it's gnarly, sure, but it's not important here. this will make more sense relative to my point in a bit, but suffice to say they don't have to worry about their injuries after the battles are over. movie 3 has two close calls in beros' arrow and flect turn's attacks, but again only beros matters here.

there are about a billion maybes listed because there's no way for the audience to know precisely how close deku was to actually dying in these scenarios. some of them are about threat level (kiyashi, kamino) while others are about not knowing the margins (eri's rewind came close to killing him but we have no insight on precisely how close this was). in the other cases, it's pretty clear that if something didn't happen or the threat continued much further or did anymore damage than it did, deku kicks the bucket.

so what sets beros' arrow apart from something like the muscular fight, which dealt permanent damage? beros' arrow was trivial and weak in comparison to pretty much every event i listed - the injury barely slowed him down in the grand scheme of things.

the difference here is twofold: the context is completely different and deku got extremely lucky. the context is that he's a fugitive in movie 3 and doesn't have access to medical facilities. he takes advantage of easy, generally guaranteed access throughout the rest of the series, which means if beros' arrow did much worse than we see in the movie, the injury would likely turn lethal without the professional intervention we see throughout the main story.

and the reason it isn't worse is because the arrow struck his phone. earlier in the movie it's established that beros' arrows can puncture the steel carriage of a train - that the arrow hit deku's phone and only left a minor wound is nothing short of a miracle for him. there's no way he was able to deliberately block the hit with the phone either... that's too silly, even for me (there's no way that pocket wasn't loose as hell; there's no way that phone stayed put in that pocket. they bought their clothes secondhand). i'm near confident that without the interception, that level of force would've torn a clean hole right through his chest - and within the context that medical help is inaccessible (let alone fast enough to save him from the countryside), he would have died.

there's no powering through that. deku was (if rody is to be trusted) still feeling the effects of the injury he did get days after the fact. deku's only hope if the arrow struck true would've been to call for help on his unbroken phone and pray that his death doesn't rain down from a helicopter... risking rody's life all the same.

deku's phone may very well be the mvp in this series is what i'm getting at i guess. it saved iida's life in hosu and then deku's in the movie.

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fluffywings13 · 2 years

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It's What Follows That Frightens Me

@korathefairy just gonna drop this on your dash

“Rody Soul.”

It’s not the familiarity of the voice that stops him short, bounding just over the edge of the roof leaving Deku on the street below, Pino garbles on his shoulder fearfully. It’s not the angry gold eyes that bear into him, the hands on the hips, the disapproval shining down at him, that stops him in his tracks.

It’s the tone.

And it’s not the tone of the voice that makes him stop short, nor the blonde man who uses it, it’s the knowledge of what follows that stops him short.

Because there stands Uncle Kei, hands on his hips, wings folded together loosely, with the same look in his eyes he remembers from way back when he was five and he did something stupid and Uncle Kei caught him (he was babysitting at the time) and turned him over his knee and warmed his rear end thoroughly (then he gave his tummy a few tickles, cuddled him close, and gave him a cookie—but the starting point is what he’s focusing on) it’s not the tone that has him shrinking into himself, folding around the loot he was given to run with, it’s what follows.

Uncle Kei chirps harshly at his companion, Pino tweets meekly and curls up in her wings, Rody wishes he had wings himself, that he could curl away in, hide away from those gold eyes bearing into him with such angry disappointment.

“St—Hawks?” Deku’s caught up now, Rody ignores him, staring up into his Uncle’s eyes meekly. “What’s going on? I thought you and Tokoyami were heading to the United States.”

“Yea, I was.” The hero and boy have yet to break their stare. “You could say my Uncle Bird senses were tingling.” He clicks his tongue. “Looks like they weren’t for nothing, were they Rody?” He hums deeply when his Nephew shakes his head quickly. “Nothing to say, huh, cat got your tongue?” The teen bites his lip nervously but says nothing and Keigo nods firmly as he twirls a gloved finger around. “Turn.”

Despite his personal desires, Rody turns, flinching when a gloved hand curls around his bicep, and jumps forward with a yelp when the other claps down over his backside for a few firm swats. His cheeks burn red as he’s delivered what he knows is a precursor for the spanking coming his way at a later time in front of his pursuer and audience of one hero boy named Deku.

“We’re returning these stolen goods to their rightful owner.” A gloved hand snags the brief case out of his hands, and he nods meekly, chancing a glance up at the man. Their eyes meet for a moment, and his Uncle heaves a great big sigh, giving him a warm smile as amusement overshadows the anger that had been in his glowing gold orbs. “Hey squirt.” The brunette smiles slightly when the man pulls him into his arms, smooshing him up against his chest, and he curls his arms back around the man in turn. “Just because you’ve been a naughty baby bird who’s got a sore bottom in store for him doesn’t mean I’m not happy to see you.”

“Hey Uncle Kei.” His own greeting comes out muffled by his face pressed in his Uncle’s chest. “Missed you.”

“I missed you too, kiddo.” Hawks scoops the teen up into his arms, gather’s the hero student up with his feathers, and lowers the three of them to the ground. “Let’s go return these diamonds and then I wanna see the two cutie birds you got hiding away in your nest.”

Rody snorts at his Uncle’s usual bird puns. “Roro and Lala are going to be so excited to see you Uncle Kei.”

“I’m just as excited to see them too.” The hero winds his arm around the teen’s shoulders and pulls him into his side, the hero student walking with them on his other side. “Where’s dad? I know mom’s gone, she used to call me every other day—” He squeezes the brunette tightly to his side. “To tell me all about her baby birds.”

Rody makes a noise of embarrassment and leans over to spy on the teen on the other side of his Uncle. “Stop Uncle Kei! You’re embarrassing me!”

“Me?” The man places a hand over his heart. “You wound me, chickling, I’m just expressing my love for my dearest little Nephew.” He raises his hand to scratch at the boy’s head gently. “You’re gonna want that love after you get what’s in store for that bottom of yours.”

The teen blushes deeply but his mind isn’t on the fact that he said it in front of someone else his age it’s on the fact that but at the thought of what was in store after they returned the stolen jewels and returned to the otherwise empty farmhouse. “Dad took a seemingly permanent vacation from parenting in exchange for joining a terrorist cult.” Rody looks up at his Uncle, Pino otherwise silent on his shoulder, with the man he doesn’t need her to express his emotions and such for him, he’s an open book for his Uncle to read. Because he trusted him that much. Uncle Kei had always gone out of his way to earn and continue to keep that trust for him to do so. “Speaking of which, bush over there said you were supposed to be in the United States. Why are you here?”

Hawks spares him a glance and smile as they stop at the edge of the cross walk as the traffic light changes and cars start zooming through their path in the street they had to cross. “I told you, my Uncle Bird senses were tingling, one of my baby birds was being a bad baby bird and needed some correction of some kind, tough love most likely. The others are more then able to cover for my absence in the states. Besides,” the man ducks to kiss the top of the boy’s head. “Being here gives me the opportunity to see me Niece and Nephews I haven’t gotten to see or contact in so long and determine their living situation and if they need to come home with Uncle Bird when this is all over.” The light changes and the crossing signal indicates they can do so and they step off the curb to cross the street. “And from the sounds of it, Uncle Bird is most likely taking his Baby Bird Niece and Nephews home with him when this is all over.”

…

“Baby Birds!” Deku looks up at the winged hero when he shouts as they make their way up to the farmhouse trailer. “Get out here and greet me properly!”

The door slams open, causing him to jump and his quirk to activate in surprise, Hawks rubs his head to calm him down which is an odd feeling but the touch is gentle and he likes it so it does as it was intended. A small girl with noodle brown hair stands in the door way, the way her eyes light up is endearing and astonishing, one might even think it’s a part of her quirk (and boy does Deku want to ask and dissect their quirks—so fascinating—especially the other teen’s quirk—his hands itch to write it all down) a large smile splits her face as she darts forward with a cry of ‘UNCLE KEI!’ and launches herself at the winged man when they’re close enough.

Hawks catches her with a laugh, holding her close and secure, like a family member would, it reminds him of his mom’s hugs, especially from when he was younger. “Lala! Lovebird! How Uncle Kei’s missed you!”

“I missed you too Uncle Kei!” The girl, Lala, or Lovebird (Deku wonders if everything is somehow bird related when it comes to the winged hero) hugs her arms around his neck as he spins her around playfully which makes her shriek with delight. “I missed you a lot!”

“Uncle Kei!” Hawks barely has time to shift the girl to his right hip in order for him to catch up a small boy, sharing the resemblance of the girl and other teen, and he hugs his arms around the hero’s neck just as the girl had. “What’re you doing here! I missed you! Dad didn’t let us talk about you ever and I didn’t know why and then dad stopped coming him and—” The boy chatters, Deku feels a sense of pride in the fact that he does, and Hawks hangs on to every word while sending who is to be assumed is his oldest Nephew (if he was reading this relationship correctly) a certain kind of look and Rody, as the hero had indirectly introduced him as, ducks his head meekly at the look he receives.

“My Uncle Bird senses were tingling like Spiderman’s spider senses do. Someone was being bad and Uncle Kei knew it and had to come fix it and put that bad baby bird back on the straight and narrow.” He smiles and pecks the boy’s nose, then the girls, nuzzling them both (like a mother bird does it’s chick—Deku wonders if it’s in relation to his avian quirk—he has so many questions—Not now Izuku but ask if you can ask later at a later time—“You can ask me anything you want kiddo.” “I said that out loud!?” *Chuckle* “Yea, baby bird, you did. I’ve heard about your analysis skills from Nedzu—” “You talk to Nedzu—NEDZU KNOWS!?” “Nedzu knows everything kiddo. I’m interested to see just how great he says they are, ask any time, I don’t mind.” “THANK YOU SIR!?” “Nah kiddo, call me Keigo, it’s all good.”)

Hawks—Keigo—Uncle Kei—Smiles at the two children on his hips as he turns to look at his oldest Nephew. “Me and your brother need to take care of some things. Why don’t you two show my friend Deku around.” He turns to wink at the kids. “Show him all the cool stuff.”

When he sets the youngest Souls on their feet, Rody swallows thickly when his Uncle curls his fingers around the back of his neck gently, and they look from the man to their brother, understanding dawning in their eyes (Deku still doesn’t look like he understands what’s going on).

Roro takes his sisters hand and tugs her forward. “Come on Lala, let’s show Deku the chickens.”

…

“Uncle Kei, do we really have to do this?” The teen draws back at the look his Uncle sends his way. “Right. Sorry.”

Keigo nods as he readies himself for the discipline he was about to deliver, tugging off his aviator’s coat, tossing it aside to make movement much easier, it was all in the swing, in the wrist, when you pull your arm back for the momentum you do it half way. “Lower your jeans.”

“Uncle Kei! Nooo!” Rody steps back a step, then two, and freezes at the heat in the glance the man sends his way. “Just the hand right?”

“Right, Robin, just the hand.” That promise makes him feel a tad better and his hesitation in slowly tugging his jeans down is slightly alleviated. “C’mere, let’s roast that little hiney, then we’ll go curl up together on the couch while we wait for the others to return.”

…

Deku’s not sure exactly what happened between the thief and hero when the two kids bring him back to the house, he walks in to see them sitting side by side on the couch, Rody’s eyes are bloodshot and swollen as though he’d been crying, and a soft sniffle interrupts the companionable silence every now and then.

Keigo rubs the teen’s knee and pulls the attention away from him by clicking his tongue and holding his arms out, into which the two children run, and giggle happily when he pulls them up into his lap.

The greenette feels a sense of shock when the hero’s gaze lifts to meet his, Rody leaning against his arm, Lala and Roro in his lap, and they lock eyes. “Ask away kiddo.”

Wringing his hands in anticipation at the new opportunity. “Is there—Can I have some paper and a pen!”

#keigo takami #mha takami keigo #boku no hero academia hawks #parental hawks #my hero academia hawks #mha hawks #rody my beloved #mha rody #bnha rody #rody soul

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sarahjtv · 3 years

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BNHA Chapter 328 Quick Spoiler Analysis: From the USA to Japan

Ok, I’m gonna make this weeks analysis kinda quick because it’s been a really crappy week for me and I mainly wanna rest. Anyway, this was another exposition chapter that is pretty much setting up the final battle:

The chapter goes to a month ago when Tartarus had it’s prison break. Stain is the focus for the first third of the chapter. He first takes out a sexual predator who wanted to get close to women again *ugh*. Thank you for that, Stain. I don’t condone killing, but yeah.

Stain then finds all the Tartarus guards dead except for one who is barely alive and hanging onto the chip containing the security info from Tartarus. Isn’t Shishikura’s (Meatball boy from Shiketsu) dad a guard at Tartarus? That’s one of the reasons he chose Shiketsu; the uniforms are similar to the prison guard uniforms. I think that was in the Ultra Analysis book. Oh god, I wonder if he died in this? That would be our first hero parent death in the series I think. Nana doesn’t really count since she was a figurative mother to All Might.

So, Stain escapes with every other villain put in Tartarus and takes the chip to All Might since All Might is the only one Stain trusts. Yeah, that checks out. The LoV are no longer associated with him and Stain’s been a lone wolf for a majority of his villain career. So, who to turn to than the man he considers the true hero?

Flash forward to after All Might recieved Stain’s info, Detective Tsukauchi and his team return for this chapter and damn, they look tired. But, Tsukauchi looks good somehow? His eyes are tired, but he’s grow a bit of a beard and his hair is kinda messy. It’s kinda attractive ngl. When all this is over and if he survives, I think Tsukauchi should keep this look minus the tired eyes. It’s a good look on him.

So, All Might and Tsukauchi explain that AFO and Shigaraki were able to communicate via the Radio Waves Quirk and via a spiritual link between them similar to OFA and All Might. The big difference being that AFO and Shigaraki can communicate with each other both ways while OFA and All Might can only communicate one way as we’ve seen before. We, the readers, saw this ourselves during the war arc, but it looks like our finally figuring this out too.

So, the AFO has a psionic Quirk that can also use communication. Tartarus caugh that communication and says that there are 38 days until Shigaraki’s completion. That is SO MUCH shorter than the 2 months we were told. Turns out the 2 months thing was a bluff told to the heroes to throw them off. AFO really is playing 4D chess that clever, evil bastard.

And because days have passed since that communication single was picked up, WE NOW HAVE 3 DAYS LEFT UNTIL SHIGARAKI’S COMPLETION! 3 DAYS HOLY SHIT! So much for having Deku rest for a good week. Boy��s barley been able to sleep and eat and now we’re even closer to the endgame than we thought. Horikoshi is REALLY speedrunning this shit.

So, onto the international heroes! What looks like the MHA version of the UN comes together to address the message All Might sent out to ask for international help. Of course, because it’s All Might, it’s an important deal. The international governments are unsure about this since having their respective heroes absent means crime will go up in their respective countries. That makes sense, I guess, but I’d figure these countries would have a lot of back-up heroes to keep the country safe. Japan needs powerful heroes, but they don’t need everyone I think.

Anyway, some international heroes do appear and some of them are from the 3rd movie! The Egyptian one and the Lion one who’s names escape me. So, the 3rd movie is cannon like the last 2. Makes sense that Horikoshi would want to tie them into the main story somehow. I wonder if this means we’ll get to see Rody and Pino in the main story too one day. Horikoshi did mention wanting them in there, so there’s hope!

All the international heroes want to go out and help All Might in Japan. While some are raring to go, the USA’s is already on her way. She’s America’s top hero, Stars and Stripes! Not only is she pretty and stacked, but she’s basically mix of All Might and Captain America in terms of patriotism. Like goddamn that is America’s woman O_O. She also refers to All Might as her “Master”. Like, WHAT??? Did All Might train her while he was in the States for a while? How long did they know each other there? WHY HAS ALL MIGHT NEVER MENTIONED HER BEFORE? HOLY FUCK WHAT IS DEKU GOING TO SAY? “YOU HAD ANOTHER PUPIL ALL MIGHT? WHAT THE HELL? I COULD’VE TAKEN NOTES ON THIS?” ALSO WHAT IS HER QUIRK I NEED TO KNOW?!?!?

I think she’s cool and it’s nice to see other heroes outside of Japan enter the fray. Though I have already seen people complain about her. Like “Why are we bringing America into this?” amongst other things. I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate and say that Horikoshi is doing this because he loves American comics. Marvel and DC comics stem from America and Horikoshi is very much inspired by those works it’s evident throughout the entirety of BNHA even during the recent chapters. So, this is less of Horikoshi bringing in American politics into the story and more of him wanting to honor American comics more. Though, I am aware that I could be proven wrong sometime in the future.

End of chapter! International heroes in Japan is going to be interesting. Though, the fact that we have only 3 days left closes the time gap greatly. Not only are we even closer to endgame, but we are most likely at the end of April AND WE’RE MISSING BAKUGO’S IN-STORY BIRTHDAY D:! How dare we??? Damn you, Horikoshi. We better see an extra with the kids at least trying to celebrate something.

Me finding out that we only have 3 story days left until the final battle begins:

#my hero academia spoilers #boku no hero academia spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha spoilers #MHA 328 #BNHA 328 #holy shit #Stain #All For One #detective tsukauchi #All Might #I'd put more tags in but I'm tired #and in pain #ow

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magical-girl-hell · 3 years

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A Fan-%#&#$-tastically Good Story

A Reading Guide to Marvel Comics’ Loki

This is an updated version of an old post that was getting a little unwieldy to edit. Same caveat as the original post: this isn’t every appearance of Loki in the last fifteen years, but it’s pretty dang close! I’ve tried to focus on trade paperbacks with the most commonly listed author, to make it easy for people to find them.

Part 1: 2007-2015

Thor by J. Michael Straczynski (volumes 1-3)

Thor, now king of Asgard and wielding the Odinforce, is returned from the void after Ragnarok. He decides to bring back the rest of the Asgardians and establish a new Asgard floating above Broxton, Oklahoma, but Loki has plans of his own – or rather, her own.

There’s a lot in these, but particularly there’s a good amount of time devoted to Loki’s origin and how he came to be adopted by Odin. I highly recommend these! They’re quite good, and if you’re new to the Marvel Comics universe (if you’re coming from the cinematic universe, for example) it’ll give you a good idea of who the characters are and how they fit into this world.

Thor by Kieron Gillen (Complete Collection) and Siege by Brian Michael Bendis

With the help of Norman Osborn’s Dark Avengers, Loki works to bring new Asgard crashing down – but the heroes bring chaos that not even Loki is prepared for.

Thor: The World Eaters by Matt Fraction

In the wake of the siege of Asgard, Thor misses his brother. Oh, and Galactus wants to eat Earth or something.

These are transitional, and there’s a lot less focus on Loki overall, but I still recommend them. Siege is a big Avengers crossover event, Gillen’s book and Siege contain the end of Old Loki, and World Eaters contains the beginning of Kid Loki. If you want to skip them, the next entry in this series will recap them.

Journey Into Mystery by Kieron Gillen

The complete(ish) adventures of Kid Loki. The old Loki is dead and in his place is a new Loki: a child with no memories of his predecessor’s evil. But Asgard doesn’t trust him, and old Loki left behind plenty of schemes. Some crimes can never be forgiven.

If you want these in paperback and you can afford it, there is a pair of lovely and sadly out-of-print omnibus books, but for the rest of us peasants, there are five volumes to keep track of:

Journey Into Mystery: Fear Itself

Journey Into Mystery: Fear Itself Fallout

Journey Into Mystery: The Terrorism Myth

Journey Into Mystery: The Manchester Gods

The Mighty Thor / Journey Into Mystery: Everything Burns

Tie-ins:

The Mighty Thor by Matt Fraction (volumes 1-3) -- While Loki and Leah are doing their own thing in Journey into Mystery, Loki’s having some adventures with Thor on the side, as well. If you want to read about them, this is where to find them.

Young Avengers by Kieron Gillen

Loki schemes to manipulate a bunch of teenage superheroes into helping him regain his full power as the group is pursued across the multiverse by the sinister Mother: an extradimensional entity invisible to adults, who manifests as murderous doppelgangers of the teenagers’ parents.

At least digitally, these are available now as a single collection: Young Avengers by Gillen & Mckelvie: The Complete Collection (But one comic didn’t look that great so... enjoy the original three trade paperbacks -- the full collection has the same cover as the last volume, sans volume title.)

Tie-ins:

A+X 005 (collected in Marvel A+X TPB: Equals Awesome) -- Directly before the events of Young Avengers, Loki appears in issue 5 of Marvel’s one-shot crossover series A+X, in a teamup (of sorts) with Mister Sinister. I can’t find the trade paperback anywhere, but it’s just a one-shot side story and he only appears in the one issue, so unless you’re really invested in finding out the fate of Doom’s Loki clones from Siege or you want to read the rest of the Avengers/X-men teamups in the book, you can skip this.

Loki: Agent of Asgard by Al Ewing

Loki makes a deal with the All-Mother of Asgard: for every mission he takes on for them, they will strike one of old Loki’s crimes from the books. Since the old Loki was reborn when Thor called the Asgardians back from the void, he has been scheming and struggling against the vicious cycles of his past. Loki has done terrible things to become the god he is today -- and now he is determined to wrest back control of his destiny and write his own story at last.

Or die trying... again.

Original Sin: Thor & Loki -- The Tenth Realm by Jason Aaron and Al Ewing

Loki takes a break from dealing with the All-Mother’s missions to accompany Thor on a mission to the sealed-off tenth realm to find their long-lost sister.

These are available as a single complete collection digitally (Loki: Agent Of Asgard - The Complete Collection), and I highly recommend it, as it also contains the relevant parts of the elusive Marvel Now! Point One 001 one-shot prequel comic (without which, the beginning of Agent of Asgard is rather abrupt.) Otherwise, if you want the three original volumes, don’t skip Original Sin -- it’s not recapped in Agent of Asgard, and without it the transition from volume 1 to 2 is very confusing. Think of it as volume 1.5.

Tie-ins:

Ms. Marvel 012 (Collected in Ms. Marvel Vol. 3: Crushed by G. Willow Wilson) -- (Takes place before Original Sin.) Loki makes some mischief in Kamala’s neighborhood -- and her love life! -- in the Valentine’s Day issue of Ms. Marvel. One-shot, can be safely skipped.

Avengers & X-Men: Axis by Rick Rumender -- The full Axis alignment-swap event. Relevant parts are included in the trade paperbacks for Agent of Asgard, but there’s more Loki content in the full event! It can be safely skipped.

Angela: Asgard’s Assassin (Collected in Angela: Asgard's Assassin Vol. 1: Priceless by Kieron Gillen) -- Loki has a brief part trying to help Thor hunt down their sisters when Angela steals Odin and Freyja’s new baby daughter, Laussa. Recommended if you liked Angela from Original Sin and/or if you’ve enjoyed the rest of Kieron Gillen’s work so far. If you’re just here for Loki, you can safely skip it, he ducks out of the adventure pretty early.

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl 007-008 (Collected in The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl Volume 2: Squirrel You Know It’s True by Ryan North) -- Somewhere between the end of Axis and the end of Agent of Asgard, Loki helps Squirrel Girl trap Ratatoskr, the wicked squirrel-god of gossip – never mind that he’s kind of the one that let her out to begin with! While you can skip this one, I actually really recommend reading it unless you’re super not into SG. Loki gets a fair few more little teamups with her (including some that span multiple issues), Thors appear (in both Worthy and Unworthy flavors), and Ratatoskr stays relevant. It’s pretty easy to find single issues digitally if you don’t want the whole tbp. (Loki appears in the second half, in issue #8)

Honorable mention:

Thor and Loki: Blood Brothers by Robert Rodi and Esad Ribic -- In an alternate universe, Loki has waged war on Asgard and won, and now he must decide what to do with his new crown and his captured enemies. To secure victory for all time, all he must do now is execute Thor -- so why does he hesitate?

A heavy deep dive into Loki’s character, his past, and his relationships that, while not canon to the 616 comic universe, has greatly informed both the comics and cinematic adaptations of Loki. A piece of Loki history, and the source of a lot of common fanon.

I’ll link to part 2 when it’s finished. Until then, enjoy this updated guide!

I don’t know that I remember some of these well enough to give good content warnings for them, but I definitely remember Siege in particular having some brief but surprisingly extreme gore, so you might want to skip it if that’s gonna bother you. (And maybe World Eaters, if that contains the dream arc?) Tenth Realm and Asgard’s Assassin also both contain babies in mortal peril.

#marvel loki #marvel thor #marvel comics #reading guide #long post

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hargrieve · 3 years

Text

moments from the wolf 359 finale behind-the-scenes podcast that made me *clenches fist* really happy

spoilers for the finale!!

everyone! was in the studio! at the same time!!!! they really recorded the episode with everybody there

michelle agresti: “hallo-wolf, halloweekend!”

michelle made goddard futuristics nametags for everybody :)

michaela and scotty’s opening is so much more sinister-sounding without the music

a lot of the podcast is raw audio from the recordings. first, the cast is SO talented. second, you never realize how much the audio engineering and music add to the podcast. HOLY SHIT the difference between the raw recordings and the finished product is unreal

noah masur, dramatic VO voice: “i’m doing these slates for my podcast. the show. wolf 360. space wolves.” everyone cracks up in the background

ariela rotenberg: “I’M GONNA DIE! I’m killing kepler!” zach libresco: “hey, you come for the top, you best not mISS”

ariela: “yeah I died. I died a LOT”

zach l: “he drinks whiskey before he dies. like, you can’t get a death better than that”

scotty shoemaker performs cutter dying painfully and then it’s cut immediately to group laughter

emma sherr-ziarko: “that’s my favorite part. it’s funny minkowski!”

cecilia lynn-jacobs: “the days that i’m proud of myself are her every day.”

i’m going to cry

the last scene they recorded was the last scene of the episode alskdjfalskdf

emma, wonderingly: “have i really done all my parts before now? is that real? i think we forgot one.” noah: “gabriel, did we forget a season?”

zach libresco: “we’ve officially entered the ‘i’m not crying, you’re crying’ part of the evening”

noah, to loud background laughter: “as we get ready for this slate, i can’t help remembering the time that i made a visit to this school...where they are sadly without many slates, and i gave them a speech, and i said to them, i said in the speech, i said something that i learned at home [scotty: “someone’s stalling”] , which was GOIK BLURK *rasping dying noises*, and they learned a lot of things that day. and the first thing they learned was that this is episode 61, section 45, take 1″ and the iMMEDIATELY launches into his line, perfectly in character

emma is clearly one of the people laughing loudest, but she switches back to minkowski incredibly quickly

emma finishes the first take of her last line and everyone starts cheering

they put music back in and go through some of the final lines for jacobi, hera, lovelace, eiffel, and minkowski. + alan rodi’s cameo <3

i’m ugly crying

gabriel urbina: and there we went. and that’s it.

emma talking about how minkowski is the first female role she’s played that was of great substance!!

ceci talking about how great it was to hang out with people from college and see them grow up and become “the next iteration of who we are”

as if I could forget that they were basically all friends in college. legends only

zach libresco: “it’s a wild ride. it’s a blast!”

and that’s it :)

link if you want to re-listen

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azozzoni · 4 years

Text

It’s been a day. Now it’s time to go through S4!

First off, a huge thank you and appreciation goes to skamsubita who translated an entire season in, like, a day and a half.

Brilliant. Fantastic. Amazing. Incredible.

It used to take me like 6 hours to do one translation homework in uni, so kudos to them.

Anyway, onto to what I loved about s4!

- Sana & Martino’s friendship! So pure, so well-developed from S2 when Sana blackmailed him into coming to the radio, so believable that they would be friends

- The continuation of the radio--In the og, a lot of the things they put in seemed to be used only as a one-time plot device to force characters together that were then immediately forgotten about once they had lost their usefulness. The radio is something the girls started to help Silvia and it’s something they’re still doing 2 years down the line

- The idea of the Greece trip as the main point of tension between Sana and the other girls, BCU. It makes total sense to me that Sana would feel left out. As someone who didn’t drink in high school and very rarely in college, I always felt a bit left out when it was all my friends wanted to do

- I had to laugh really hard when the Emma kissing someone bit of the trailer turned out to be Chicco greeting her xD we’re all complete idiots

- On that note, Chicco Rodi! The man, the myth, the legend, returned with actual lines and an idiotic plan to sublet a rental property to two feuding girl groups.

- When Malik talked to Sana through her door, when he helped her find mint, basically, any time he was on screen?

- The fact that the Eva kiss was not some weird contrived thing to make Sana jealous

- Filippo becoming the local spinster house where sad teens come to eat all his whipped cream and sulk together

- Federica telling Sana the truth, giving her character more depth--imagine how much guilt she’s been living with? Trying to make up for all these years?

- Silvia’s cat! We finally got to see her on screen.

- Luchino, band manager extraordinaire! “Now you only have 15 minutes!”

- The first prayer scene for Sana--the music took me straight back to 2010 but it was beautiful. Her hand-washing ritual, checking the direction on her phone, the awkward interruption bringing all the party noises back in full force

- Sana’s obsession with winning the Tricky Trap, the last bits in the credits where she takes it apart and finally wins by cheating, just like Malik told her

- the pool scene, where Malik turned around and they just stared at each other. It was so gorgeous as the camera pulled away to just watch them

- Her voice message to the girls had me in tears (okay, the last 6 episodes had me in tears) but seriously, so poignant and relatable and understandable and I don’t know how her friends didn’t want to immediately run over and hug her (okay, I get it but still)

- I really like the reunion! That’s how people are. They forgive you without explicitly saying it. They don’t show up and make a big gesture. They say, “are you coming?” and things are okay. Up to that point, they’d heard the message, they were all feeling bad and stupid but they couldn’t bring themselves to express it in a mature fashion yet ‘cause they’re teenagers and that’s what they do

- The boy squad basically telling Marti he was a complete idiot. God, what would he have done without them? Never talk to Nico again and be heartbroken forever? Nico crawling under the bed, the whole group listening at the door very obviously.

- Marti asking to throw the fisherman in the ocean. I laughed. So Marti.

- Rami being like, “what do you mean homophobic? I have a gay friend!” the fact that there was an actual backstory to Nico and Luai

- I really loved how the drama was realistic. Sana stopped herself from writing in the chat (finally! a character with some self-awareness). That the only thing she really did wrong was bringing back Fede and it was completely understandable why (though she should have just told Eva in the first place, but isn’t that the point)

- When Marti texted “babe” I was like, wtf marti would never, and then it was immediately revealed Filo had sent it lol

- The whole Silvia/Luchino thing at the end. I think they are the absolute cutest and I’m glad Silvia finally sees it and called him her boyfriend. The hug in the closet made me *heart eyes*

- We can’t not mention the Filippo/Elia conversation--”If you get lonely in your room...”

- I missed Ele, though! But I was real glad there was no incantava drama, and I’m happy that they’re happy together. I can’t believe I’m actually rooting for a noorhelm couple, but they might be the only ones

- Every time Sana and Nico talked by themselves. That Nico put his kickstand down so he could ask her about Luai, as if he wasn’t planning on leaving until she told him

There are so many more that I can’t write them all or I’d basically just be recapping the whole season. So we’ll leave it there for now.

I loved every minute we got to see Sana, that the girl squad wasn’t villainized and weren’t terrible human beings to their friend. The scene with Sana in the bathroom listening to the BCU girls was just heartbreaking, especially after everyone had just left her after the fight, sobbing by herself, hands shaking as she tried to wash off the blood.

I’m also REALLY glad this didn’t drop clip by clip. There were so many moments I thought to myself, if this had been dropped by itself, we would have spent days obsessing over this tiny thing that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of the show or the plot. While that is part of the fun of this fandom, it can also be exhausting (especially going into a season most people are extremely critical of, with an actor half the fandom hates on principle and would take any opportunity to cut down for the tiniest thing done “wrong.”)

So yeah, I really enjoyed it, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a S5 because I know Besse wouldn’t screw us over. I trust him, which is a weird thing to say, but in terms of SKAM, he’s always delivered what I expected and what I wanted. Nothing too over-the-top, nothing that doesn’t make sense, nothing just for shock value, and I appreciate that more than he can possibly know.

#skam italia #skamit #skam italia spoilers

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san-station · 4 years

Text

Come home • Hwang Hyunjin

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Reader

WARNING: kinda angst?

↝Word count: 2k

A/N: Imagine it's around 1940 - 1950

You were slowly dancing in the living room, all alone, while the jazz music from the record player flowed through the house into your ears, making you breath in a small bubble of nostalgic and happiness. Your beloved friend, Seungmin, was taking care of your children, well informed of the special evening so you decided to embrace yourself with your traditional ritual.

You arrived home pretty late, tired of working all day, although, the warm feeling of your home inviting you to relax on that special day was very promising, so nothing could stop you from opening that bottle of red wine, taking off your hurtful shoes and setting the music up. It brought you a bit of tranquility in a whole industrialized country where working was the first priority for safety.

You glanced at every little detail around you, the shelves where pictures and some toys rested, paintings that your children did gathered over the floor, promises made on those walls that will never be true… and so, you finally saw it. It was a small velvet box covered with a few dust particles. You slowly stepped near it and grabbed it with your free hand.

You sighed and opened.

It’s a special evening, you remembered.

“March 20th.

Today is a special day, right? How are you doing? Are you eating well? This nostalgic is sickening the walls from our place, darling. Can you imagine the green walls getting darker and darker each time we say your name? We know you probably won’t read this on time but… happy birthday! It’s the first one away from us… How does it feel? Do you miss us? Sure you do, mister 'I love mi family so much I'll die for them'. That letter was cute, to be honest.

Anyway, remember we’re happy for you! Oh, and Rodie wrote a poem for you, it says ‘One day I’ll be tall, one day I’ll be strong, one day I’ll be like you, that day might be soon’. Isn’t it cute?! He misses you so much, I really hope you’re okay. Stay safe and you’ll come home very soon.

Yours forever,

Y/N ”

“April 19th.

Today, Rodie wanted to go stargazing, he said he saw a shooting star and wished you were here. Then, he cried because he was pretty sure that saying the wish out loud won’t make it happen, but I made sure to let him know that we will see you soon, Jinnie! You know... while I looked at the stars, all I could think was you, you and your beauty, you and your kindness, you and only you...

Your eyes are watching the same sky as we are, did you know? So basically we’re all stargazing together! We still have this, tho haha.

You’re the brightest star of all the galaxy, darling. Also, thanks for your letter and the little poem, Rodie was bragging about it at school all the week, even the teacher said he should stop but he’s a proud boy showing how much you care about him.

Anyway, stay safe.

Yours forever,

Y/N.”

“April 27th

I got fever for the whole week, Jinnie, my sister took care of me the whole time, don’t worry! Yet, as I was sleeping with the delusional heat, I suddenly felt your warm arms around my waist, back hugging me while we sleep. I could listen to your heartbeat, and I was trying to match mine with yours. And I heard you whispered that you'll be here soon! Was it all a dream? I wish you were here.

Sometimes I dream you’d touch my belly and ask if I'm doing okay, if we are doing okay. And I’d say that you don’t need to worry about the growing life that’s getting stronger everyday inside of me, we've been through this before, this is just another round!

I didn’t want to wake up, however, Rodie asked to write you something again since we didn’t received a response from the previous one. He says ‘Dad! Did you know that elephants can’t jump?! And that pandas can be 12 hours eating?! I once ate for three hours because mom’s food is awful but I couldn’t throw it away, I love her too much... When are you coming home? Uncle Chan just arrived and he said he was with you for a couple of days but you had to go to another place… Where are you know? Take care, goodnight, Dad!’

He learned a lot today… I hope you’re doing fine and come home soon, love. We’ll wait for your letter.

Yours forever,

Y/N and Rodie.”

“May 14th

Your best friend Chan came home today, he says I’m getting fatter and I almost punched him in the face. Well, he’s not wrong, I hope you’d be here when the time comes.

Some days I miss you more than others, but some days I miss myself more than you… I can’t recognize myself in the mirror if you’re not here, my love. Rodie wakes up every morning asking for his daddy but he knows you’re doing your best. Be safe, Jinnie… We love you.

Yours forever,

Y/N. "

“May 25th

Once again I’m standing here with my tainted fingers, today is colder than yesterday but warmer than the day before… I keep searching for answers to an unsaid question, and all I can think about is you, your soft lips against my cheeks, your bright smile making my heart skip beats, your loud laugh catching everyone’s attention, your sweet voice asking me to dance with you even if there was no music playing… Gosh, even if you're not here I fall in love more and more with you. I miss you...

We’re waiting for you, my love. It’s been a while since we got one of your letters but I’m certain you’re getting ours… We love you! Come home!

Yours forever,

Y/N.”

“June 30th

Today… Today was a nightmare, Hyunjin. I couldn't bring myself to write this but ... I found a letter at the mail station a month ago, it was from someone called Seungmin, he said you worked together for a while… I waited a month to write this but here it is.

I’ll never forget you for doing this, Hyunjin. My heart is broken, I don’t think my tears will ever stop from falling, I feel like dying whenever I look at your pictures and… I can’t do this anymore. Even when I know you’ll never read this, I need to write to you because, someday, this feelings would get to you in a way, meanwhile, I’ll let myself suffer because of what you did...

Yours,

Y/N.”

“July 6th

I yelled at Rodie today… He was demanding to see you but I can’t, not now. Chan visited us, he told me to stay strong but how? Does he even know how much a broken heart can swell and tear you apart from the pain? Does he know how difficult it is to breath when your chest is constantly on fire? It’s killing me inside every second, Hyunjin. I don’t want this, I don’t like to feel this way when I know you can’t feel anything… I don’t want to tell Chan how I feel… I… I’m broken because of you.

Y/N.”

“July 13th

My sister looked at my belly and she cried… You made my sister cry, Hwang Hyunjin… You make me cry every single time of the day… I know you probably would be so sad knowing this, knowing you’re the reason I walk numbly from a place to another, the reason why Rodie can’t sleep, the reason why Chan and my sister have to take care of us. I said I don’t need their help but they insisted, they always do.

Now we’re having a beautiful dinner with your favorite food, my speciality… I miss you, and I know someday I’ll feel better, but right know I want to die slowly and painfully, it would hurt less than this mess.

Y/N.”

“July 19th

I finally stopped crying, Jinnie… but everything feels wrong. It feels… empty… my heart…

Rodie won’t talk to me anymore after we fought, he speaks more to Chan than me. I don’t know what to do and I know you won’t answer, but… what should I do?

Oh, we met Seungmin today, he visited us supresily. He’s kind. He told us about your stories together. After he left, I cried one more time… Listening how considerate you were with him… I love you.

You know? This is not what I asked for. If you would ask, I would give all for rewriting an ending or two for the family that I knew, for the girl I used to be… For being yours one more time.

Yours forever?

Y/N.”

“September 16th

Hi… Her name is Sam. Did you remember when we were joking about that name? I must say, she deserves that name. She looks like me, but she has your little mole below her eye and I kissed it, they same way I used to kiss yours. Congratulations, Jinnie, you have a daughter! (...)”

The music stopped playing a while ago, and the only sound filling the house was your little sobbs reminiscing the whole escenario.

“Ugh…

I can’t do this anymore... “

“December 24th

Rodie wrote a letter to Santa. He asked for his dad, he asked to turn back time and stopped this, but he realized destiny is very machiavellian and sometimes, wishes won’t come true.

By the way… Your friend Seungmin, he volunteered to take care of us, he said he owned you this for saving his life one time, he’s really generous. He saw how lonely I was and he’s trying to put a smile on my face, but only Sam and Rodie can do that. Sam, Rodie and you.

The idea of you still next to us as a family... that hunts me everyday. How beautiful would that be? Sam would climb to your back till she can see everything from your height. Rodie would make me chase him and ask for ice cream, and I’ll eventually buy ice cream for everyone… Hyunjin, I miss you so freaking much… this is just so unfair...

Yours forever,

Y/N, Rodie and Sam.”

“December 31st

Hyunjin, happy new year… The war is over! I miss you more than I miss the old me, now, when I look at the mirror, sometimes I don’t even know who’s the one in front of me, all I know is that my heart belongs to you and will always be yours. Sam is getting bigger every month! She started to make weird baby noises trying to repeat my voice. Also, she loves music! She moves her little body when we play music.

We all wish you were here. This is the first December without you. I can't keep asking you this because is impossible... Come home, baby.

Missing you,

Your family. "

“February 14th

Rodie got lots of candies from a lot of girls and boys in his class! They said he looked like his handsome father and they’re not lying, my love. Happy Valentine's Day.

This is going to be one of the last letters I’ll write for you, not because I don’t love you anymore, ok? It’s because I think it’s time to keep the good memories we made in my head, my safeplace. And writing this is a reminder of you being gone. I don't like that, you're here with me.

I took Sam and Rodie to the first place we met, the college cafeteria! Rodie hated it for a second, then he got a lot of attention and felt like the prince he is. Sam slept all the time placed in my chest, I love her… she’s so calm… I wish she knew how much her father loved her without even being born… We love you, Hyunjin.

Yours forever,

Hwang Family.”

“March 20th

Happy birthday, my love!

I know you can’t love me anymore, but you did it once and, for me, it meant the whole world. So, now. my love for you stays still as if it was the first time we said ‘I love you’... I was shaking so much that day… Thank you for loving me the way you did, thank you for giving me the opportunity to raise a family next to you. You’re gone, but you’ll always be in our hearts and minds, I’ll be sure to talk to Sam about you non-stop.

You broke my heart by losing your life that day. I know it was for your country… that doesn’t mean you lost your family or friends, we will always remember your laugh, your face, your warmth, your cute smile, your bright eyes, the ways words came easily from your mouth, the way you showed your love so intense, the way you existed was... wholesome.

I love you, Hwang Hyunjin… And, like the old times…

Please,

Come home.

Your one and only.”

(....)

Masterlist

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hythlodaes · 4 years

Text

always gold

the story of milo shae up until the prologue. ft. @hondaohnaka‘s tia and @forceritual‘s edelie words: 5,075

Milo wakes to his head aching, and there’s a heaviness that creeps up the back of his neck, throbbing through his first blurry thoughts. His throat is dry and his limbs are heavy as he shifts on his bed--just a mattress pushed against the wall of his dirt cheap apartment. He’s shirtless but he’s still wearing pants and boots, and the room is still dark but it’s not dark enough.

He closes his eyes as his stomach churns sickly with the beginning of his hangover, and aloud he says to himself, “You gotta stop doing this, man.”

Life was simple at the start.

The Shae’s moved to Ukio at the beginning of Milo’s memory. They bought a small house in a small town surrounded by fields and fields of farmland. For his mother, it couldn’t feel further from Mirial. For his father, it was a lousy place to end up after your latest get-rich-quick scheme fell through.

When he was six years old, Milo held his mother’s hand while she gave birth to his sister. He looked between doctors and nurses and the pain on his mother’s face, and somewhere underneath it all he felt afraid. He was too young and the room was too bright, too sterile, and his dad told them that he’d be there, but he said that a lot.

What he remembers: a baby crying, his hand turning dark green where his mother squeezed it too hard. He remembers going home after that, sitting in the back of the speeder next to her, casting curious glances towards the tiny bundle as the streetlights shifted over them.

The first time he held his sister in his own tiny arms, he felt a swell of pride that all big brothers should feel.

Lurian Shae.

“I’ll call you Luri,” he said, looking into her curious eyes that shone the empty green as his father’s. “I’ll look out for you.”

Life was simple. Life was easy.

Afternoons were spent in the lazy sun, often in Milo’s back yard where the green grass contrasted the yellow ochre in the distance. The summer heat made Milo’s forehead drip with sweat as he watched his best friend tinker with a model ship set up on their makeshift table in their makeshift fort.

(It was made of a bunch of wood pallets thrown together, and it collapsed five times in the two months it’d been up.)

“Rodi,” he said, dragging his friend’s name out. “Come on, can’t we just play with it already?”

They were twelve years old, and this was as tough as life got.

The model ship was a BT-7 Thunderclap. Milo memorized the details, wasn’t even jealous when Rodi received it as a birthday present. All he wanted was to fly it, because it was as close as he would get to his dream of flying a real ship.

This is something he’d known for a long time.

“Just hang on,” Rodi said. “It’s not gonna work if you rush.”

“Well how much longer?”

“Just hang on,” Rodi repeated, and Milo huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. It was one thing for his mother to tell him that he was too impatient, but it was entirely different coming from his friend. They’d known each other for four years at this point, living just a few minutes down the road from each other. Their bond started the way most childhood friendships do, and it was funny how something so small and simple could last for a long time to come.

“There, I got it.”

Milo whooped as Rodi picked the ship up and ran out of the fort, setting it down in the grass and stepping back. The two of them stood shoulder to shoulder as Rodi tinkered with the little remote, and the model ship whirred for a few moments before lifting off the ground. The two boys cheered as it flew into the golden sunlight.

Milo shielded his eyes with his hand, grinning as he said, “I can’t wait until we have a ship of our own.”

He could feel Rodi’s gaze turn towards him. “You’re gonna fly it, right?”

“As long as you’re there,” he said, and as the light washed over him, he knew it was a promise he intended to keep. “We’re gonna see the whole galaxy.”

By the time Milo drags himself up from the mattress, the light in his apartment tells him it’s mid-afternoon. There’s always been something strange about the way time moves on Nar Shaddaa--it’s like every sector has a clock of its own, so it’s always three in the morning somewhere, always trouble somewhere.

Milo has his own trouble, downing a couple of painkillers with his coffee. He ends up with his head resting against the crook of his elbow, waiting out the agonizing moments it takes for the relief to kick in.

Across the room his datapad lights up with a new message, and his free arm extends towards it as though it can be reached from here. Whoever it is, they’re going to have to wait until he feels alive enough to get up and read it.

It wasn’t a surprise when his dad left them for good, but it still hurt.

It was still an ending, even if he wasn’t around much in the first place, or that he was ever particularly good for either Milo or Lurian. Their father was always on the cusp of anger, could never be bothered, always had a knack for making sure they knew he didn’t care.

(Don’t let this place get to you, was what he said during one of their last moments together. Get out of here as soon as you can.)

Milo held Lurian on the floor of his bedroom as the front door slammed with one final sound, and he blinked back tears that he never meant to cry.

Perhaps the strangest part was the finality of it--Milo was used to him leaving, but he always came back. Perhaps the worst part is that Milo could never fully believe that he wouldn’t come back.

That night he told his sister story after story as time dragged on, and after his voice wore out, they tip toed downstairs. Their mother was on the couch, staring vacantly at the wall, but at the sound of them entering the room she looked over at them with a watery expression, her lips pressed into a small smile.

“Come here,” she said, and the two of them curled up on either side of her, tucked against her. Her warmth was comforting but it didn’t quell the emptiness left behind, it didn’t ease away the shock that this was all that’s left of their family. Still, the three of them stayed like that until morning, and then life moved on--different, but it still moved on.

“I think I’m gonna be Nico Okarr this year,” Milo said. He and Rodi walked home from school together most days, and today’s topic of conversation turned to Ukio’s autumn festival, where children typically dress up in costume.

“That’s what you were last year.”

“Yeah, well, he’s cool,” Milo explained, which sounded better than the fact that his mom told him they couldn’t afford a new costume. He still fit into the old one, and besides-- “I’m gonna be just like him someday.”

Rodi smirked. “Yeah, and I’m gonna marry the Queen of Naboo.”

“It could happen.”

“In my dreams. Come on, we both know we’re not getting out of here.”

It was the obvious conclusion: two poor kids from a farm planet. There wasn’t much hope for either of them.

“We are, though,” Milo argued. “You and me. When we have our ship, we’re gonna be heroes and they’re gonna tell stories about us.”

Silence beat between them with each footstep along the sidewalk. Golden sunlight fell over them as the afternoon stretched on, the air cooler than it had been lately, and it took a long time for Rodi to quietly ask, “You really believe that?”

Milo nodded. “You’ll see.”

Dearest Older Brother (who’s the worst, by the way),

If you’re not going to answer my messages, at least answer mom’s. I know better than to worry about you, but the same can’t be said for her. It’s been a while since we’ve seen you and you know how she comes up with the worst case scenarios. So consider me, listening to her ramble on and on about whatever trouble her poor son is in, and call her back.

Or better yet, go home. I bet she’d make oodi soup for you, and by extension, me.

Funnily enough, I guess I miss you. So like. Whatever.

Lurian.

School was hard. Paying attention was harder. He zoned out during his lectures, found that he didn’t really care. There weren’t any pilot training programs on Ukio and his mother didn’t have the money to send him off planet to learn, so he was stuck running flight simulators and reading manuals in his spare time. He knew what he wanted and he knew he wouldn’t find it here, so what was the point?

He told himself he didn’t care, but it was hard to ignore the anger of realizing your dreams would most likely never happen.

As he got older, he started skipping out of class early. There was a group of kids that were older than him, and one of them had a speeder bike that they’d race along the abandoned field across town. Milo, desperate to get on that bike, tagged along until they eventually let him ride it.

He fell off the first time, taking a turn too sharply. Momentum hurled him to the ground, where dirt caked into his clothes and his body took a moment to catch up with the pain after the shock. His forearm split open from taking the brunt of the fall, but he managed to stand up, and he laughed at the concern on his friends’ faces.

It was a feeling he wouldn’t forget.

The cut on his arm ended up leaving a scar, but that was nothing compared to the look his mother gave him when he explained to her what happened.

(He gave her the safe version of the story. It still wasn’t enough to spare him from punishment.)

“You keep talking about getting your own ship,” Rodi said one afternoon, “but how are you going to afford it?”

“Our ship,” Milo argued. He actually made it to the end of school today, so they walked home side by side once again. “We’ll figure it out.”

Rodi snorted. “What does that even mean?”

“It means we’ll figure it out.” It wasn’t an answer, and truthfully Milo hadn’t thought about the particulars. All he knew was that he had to make it happen. He had to find a way, and they were going to get out of there, because staying sounded like a death sentence.

“I’d love to live in that delusional world of yours,” Rodi said as they approached the split in the road. To the right lead to Milo’s house, to the left lead to Rodi’s. They slowed to a stop as he continued, “You know we’re not kids anymore.”

But he was wrong. They were fifteen and life was still just starting for them. There was still so much time to do whatever they wanted to do, and far fetched dreams were still at the top of Milo’s list, even if Rodi forgot about them.

“Don’t you want to get out of here, Ro?”

He sighed. “Of course I do, it’s just not...realistic. Listen, even if you got a job I’d bet all the credits in my bank account that you’d spend everything on your mom and your sister.”

“You don’t have any credits in your bank account.”

“Well, if I did, that’s what I’d bet them on.”

Milo shifted his weight, looking down at the ugly permacrete road. His hand scratched idly at the back of his neck where his hair had grown too long. Money was tight for them--had been for a long time now, and even though was used to having less, he hated seeing his mother work so hard for so little. He sighed too, finally looking up at his friend. “Maybe you’re right.”

The admission felt ugly but it brought a small smile to Rodi’s face as he threw his arm around Milo’s shoulders. “That’s my boy.”

Milo got his first job later that week. It was for hauling junk and it didn’t make a lot of money, but it felt like progress.

(Rodi was right, he ended up giving most of his earnings to his mom.)

Some nights Milo would lay awake. He would leave the window open, and the cool air rushed in every few moments, brushing over his skin as he tried to fall asleep. It didn’t always work but he liked the way it felt, he liked the way his home felt, then. It was safe--his mother and sister were down the hall, and he didn’t miss his father. Not really.

He told himself that it was easier with him gone. It was easier not to have the expectation that he’d come home or that he’d be wherever he said he’d be. Disappointment hurt, but it was never as bad as the hopeful expectation, the this time things will be different.

(It was never as bad as the thought that creeped in from time to time: You weren’t enough to keep him here.)

Some nights he crawled through the open window, shimmied down the side of the house, and made his way back to the split in the road. Rodi waited for him there and they’d go out and drink with their friends. They’d meet in empty fields, or behind the old barn that hadn’t been used in years, and it was fun.

He got drunk and the world felt a little blurry, and the first time he kissed someone his knees shook. The second time they stayed steady, but he still didn’t feel like he knew what he was doing.

(It took a while, but he found his way. Uncertain lips became sure, fumbling hands confident.)

So maybe they caused a little trouble. So what? When he turned sixteen he stole a hydrospanner from Arlen Marrin’s shop, and he and Rodi didn’t say a word until they could catch their breath, having ran all the way back to Milo’s house.

There, they laughed until his mom asked them what was so funny.

Or better yet, come home.

Milo reads the words again and again, his hand trembling slightly where he’s holding the datapad. He needs another drink, or...something. Anything to take the edge off, to dull the thoughts that rush at him all at once.

He lives on Nar Shaddaa between jobs, and it’s bad enough without the guilt of leaving his mom and sister behind. He still sends nearly every credit he earns back home to them, but he knows that it doesn’t make up for leaving.

He knows it doesn’t make him any less like his father.

“Hear me out: Rishi.”

Rodi raised a brow at him. He was sitting on his bed, datapad in his lap, while Milo laid on his back against the floor. They were trying to study for their final exams, but Milo’s thoughts strayed back to the place they always did.

“What do you mean, Rishi?”

Milo grinned. “We should go to Rishi. School’s over in a couple weeks, we probably have enough money between the two of us, and it’s only three hours away by shuttle.”

“Yeah, you’re forgetting one major detail.”

“What’s that?” “Convincing our parents to let us go. I mean, unless you want to take them to a planet full of pirates and cantinas.”

“Of course I don’t want to take them,” he said, having to stop and think about it. He put down his book and sat up. “I’m sure we can figure something out.”

Rodi just hummed, turning his attention back to his datapad.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he defended. “You’re always saying we’ll figure it out. I’m just wondering when that’ll actually happen.”

And maybe it was true, maybe had always been the case, but this time Milo could feel it. He could pretend it was fate or destiny or whatever, but the honest truth of it was that he needed something to change. He needed something besides idle hope or he was going to fall down into the same idea his friends were all beginning to have: that maybe it’d be best to get a real job, settle down, and forget about leaving.

It could never be his plan.

“Soon,” he answered, but his voice was quiet as he stared down at the book in his hands. Perhaps, for the first time, he realized how dangerously close he was to giving in. It might have been too late to learn how to fly, and getting the credits for a ship seemed, at the moment, like an impossible task.

Maybe it was why he suggested Rishi in the first place, because he knew it was his last shot before he had to give up. Maybe it was why, when he went home later that day, he came up with an idea to get them out of there.

He just couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t try.

It started with a lie, which is probably why it all went wrong.

Milo told his mom that he was taking a trip to Boranda with a bunch of his friends, and that they’d be safe, and that they’d be home in three weeks.

None of these things happened.

Rodi said the same, and the two of them caught a shuttle to Rishi where, of course, they wasted their time and their money. The amount of trouble available to them was impossible to ignore--two foolish boys were left to their own devices for the first time in their lives, so there was no way it could’ve ended well.

It was fun for the first few days. They went out to the cantinas and met real life pirates and it was everything Milo thought it would be. He found it hard to come down, though. He drank too much, he ran his mouth. A week into their trip he got in a fist fight--didn’t even know why--he just remembered flashes of being in an alley, and the air smelled like salt and smoke and his mouth tasted like blood and there were people around him but their faces all blurred into one.

He thought he might be angry in a way that he didn’t understand. He thought he might be angry because it felt so good to take himself apart like that.

Rodi was the one that put him back together. He helped him back to their room and sat with him on the floor of the refresher, cleaning loose gravel out of his beat up knuckles. It hurt and his head throbbed and he got sick somewhere in the middle of it, but Rodi stayed beside him as the night dragged on.

He pushed Milo’s hair off of his sweaty forehead, revealing the tattoos that he hid from the world. Patterns that meant family, that meant home, that meant things he should love and did love but didn’t understand.

“What are you hoping to find here?” Rodi asked, and his voice was quiet but it echoed in the empty bathroom. A hollow sound, a hollow feeling, and the lights were on but they shouldn’t have been. The answer was simple but hard to admit.

“I wish home felt like enough,” Milo said. “I want to be happy there but I’m not.”

Rodi just nodded, his expression grim as he ran his fingers through Milo’s hair again. Brown eyes found green, and the concern in them was painful to see. Milo closed his eyes, leaned into his friend’s touch, but still couldn’t bring himself to apologize.

“Let’s just go to bed, Miles. Forget about it until the morning--you’ll feel better then.”

His hand pulled away, and Milo hummed a short sound as he finally looked up at his friend. Rodi was the only person he could trust with this, but something about the whole night felt wrong, like everything was falling apart, and it made Milo’s already sick stomach feel worse.

They walked like ghosts into the bedroom, collapsing into their respective beds as moonlight filtered in through the thin curtains along with the thick, salty sea air. The light outlined Rodi’s body as he laid on his back, and his eyes were still open but he just stared at the ceiling.

“You didn’t want this, did you?” Milo asked.

Rodi shook his head.

“Did you ever?”

And this time Rodi turned over onto his side to face him, blinking slow in the dark. “When we were kids, yeah. I feel so out of my depth here. It’s too real--it’s too much.”

Milo pressed his lips together. Sighed. “So why did you come?”

“Because it’s you,” he answered, “and you promised me all those years ago that you’d fly me around the galaxy.”

I still want to, Milo thought, but not like this. He didn’t want to be the reason his friend looked so unhappy, didn’t want the room to feel as strange as it did right then. In a moment of clarity, he said, “We should probably go home.”

Rodi hummed and it was like this: undefined. Unclear. The dream wanted to go on but Rodi didn’t, and Milo wanted to blame him for that. Milo was too worn out to be upset about it, instead he felt it like a weight on his chest, a heavy sadness that he couldn’t shake. He wanted to be mad at Rodi but he didn’t want to be mad at all, and the truth of it was that Milo knew himself, and he knew he couldn’t go home until he found whatever he was looking for.

So he got up and crossed the short space between their beds. He crawled across Rodi’s body and settled in beside him. It had been years since they slept next to each other like this, but it was comforting to have his friend this close. Rodi watched him, moonlight still lining the edges of his face, and maybe they both knew something was about to change, but neither of them could say it.

They didn’t say anything at all for the rest of the night, but Milo didn’t think either of them slept much. In the morning he slipped out of bed and packed his bag while Rodi breathed soundly across the room. Without a word, he took one last glance at his friend before closing the door behind him.

He knew what he had to do.

Time drags on but Milo still sits in his kitchen with his datapad in his hand. His sister’s letter continues to stare him down, but his eyes just sort of glance over the words now, not really reading it at all. He must stay like that for a while, zoned out, half-aware, because it isn’t until another message comes through that he comes back to himself.

I’m hungry, bring me food -T.

“Kriffing Tia,” he mutters under his breath, but getting out of the apartment sounds like a good idea, and he hasn’t eaten all day. He doesn’t know if he could, at this point, but he needs a distraction and Tia’s always up to something.

You suck. I’ll be there in 10.

He was, above all else, a fool.

He’d wonder about this for years to come: what would’ve happened if he hadn’t left Rodi on Rishi, if he hadn’t met Joss Dunal at the spaceport and joined his crew.

It wasn’t that he wanted to abandon Rodi, it’s just that he knew Rodi wouldn’t leave him. He would’ve come despite everything and he would’ve been miserable. Milo might’ve been selfish, but he wouldn’t put his friend through that.

He took a moment as the ship refueled to send a couple notes. He wrote a quick one to Rodi, and a longer note to his mother. It was mostly an apology, but it was also a promise. He could make some credits with this--big credits--the kind of credits that would help her and Lurian out.

He didn’t even consider that she’d rather have him home.

But leaving was hard, at first. It was an adjustment. Where he was used to bright sunshine and soft grassy fields, he learned to appreciate the coldness of space. It was incredible to see the stars like that, spinning into trails of light, and though he was made to do the least desirable tasks--cleaning weapons, cleaning the ship, loading hauls until his muscles ached--it was exciting in a way that life had never been before.

He was a fool, though. He got caught up in the high of traveling the galaxy. He didn’t care about the crime they committed. During long flights Joss taught him to shoot a blaster, then a second blaster, then they fought with their fists until he felt like Milo was ready to come with them on a job.

Life moved faster, life turned more violent. Milo drank more than he ever had in his life but he didn’t have Rodi to lean on. He didn’t have anyone to turn to when he wanted to come down. He and Lurian wrote back and forth constantly, but it wasn’t the same and he suspected it would never be the same again.

He saw too much, did too much. They landed on Nar Shaddaa for a few days, and he took what little he kept for himself and spent it all in one night.

It was Joss who found him in an alley the next morning.

“This isn’t what you thought it would be,” he said. It wasn’t a question, it was more like when Milo and Rodi were awake that night on Rishi: You didn’t want this, did you?

Milo’s head pounded as he walked beside the pirate. Nar Shaddaa was dark but the neon lights burned holes into his vision as they headed to a cafe around the corner. “Smuggling is a lot more romantic in the comics.”

“Why are you here, kid?”

Milo thought about it while Joss ordered them two coffees, and though his stomach swooped, the smell of the drink did a lot to help clear his head. He turned his attention to the street beyond the window, feeling the warm cup in his hands, and admitted the one deep truth he’d always known about himself: “I want to fly.”

“Then you should fly.”

A bitter laugh escaped Milo’s throat. “I don’t know how.”

Joss looked at him, his coffee poised to his lips, and grinned a smile that only a true pirate can manage. “Then I’ll teach you.”

So he learned.

He learned fast.

And he never looked back.

Two years after Milo piloted a ship on his own, the crew made their biggest run yet.

Joss tossed him a credit chit after, a grin on his face as Milo caught it in his hands. Milo almost didn’t want to look at it. He knew what they hauled and he had an idea of what it was worth, but it was one thing to guess and another to know.

He sputtered at the number, lowering his hands as he fixed Joss with a stunned expression. “This is more money than I’ve seen in my entire life.”

“You earned it, kid,” Joss said, and there was something close to pride in his grin. It’d been three years now that they’d been together, and the time had been invaluable to Milo. He was twenty years old and finally felt like he doing what he has always wanted to do.

He looked down again, staring at the number as though if he looked away, it would disappear. He stared and he stared and he laughed to himself before he finally looked up at Joss again. “You know I’m gonna use it to buy a ship and run on my own.”

But Joss smiled. “I know, just--don’t give me a reason to shoot you. I actually like you.”

“No promises.”

“I need money,” Milo says, staring up at the ceiling. He’s stretched out on Tia’s couch, and his headache has dulled but he can still feel traces of it behind his eyes.

“So get some money,” Tia responds from the kitchen, pulling a few beers out of the fridge. She hands one to Edelie before sitting on top of his legs, offering the other to him. He places it against his forehead and audibly groans at the relief.

Edelie raises a brow. “You want me to line up a bounty for you? I know a guy, it’d be some easy creds.”

“Easy? For him? Kid couldn’t keep up.”

“Hey,” Milo says, dragging the word out, but when Tia looks at him he can’t help but smile. “I’m older than you.”

Tia smiles back. “And I’m better looking. What do you even need the money for?”

Across the room, Edelie snorts. “Tell me you’re moving into a better apartment.”

“No,” he mutters. “I was thinking of going home.”

A beat of quiet passes between them. He doesn’t talk about home when he’s sober--none of them talk about these things when they’re sober. The three of them came together in a way that probably isn’t unusual for Nar Shaddaa: Milo was working a job and both bounty hunters were in on the gig. The result of a three day standoff was a friendship that’s both the best and worst thing possible for each of them--all three too reckless for their own good.

“What’s at home?” Tia asks after swallowing her drink.

He lifts a shoulder. Honestly? He doesn’t know. Maybe he’s just tired, and he’s tired of feeling strung out and hungover. It’s empty and aching and the excitement of it has dulled, but he doesn’t know what else he could do.

Maybe it’s that sometimes you leave a place for so long that you don’t know how to go back.

“There’s a job I could take,” he says. “Ord Mantell. Should be a quick delivery, get me the credits I’ll need.”

Across from him, Edelie lowers her drink as a frown pulls at her lips. “What’s stopping you?”

Just a feeling, he wants to say, but that’s ridiculous.

“Nothing.”

#hello who wants some angst about my silliest boy #ch: milo #swtor #swtor fic #my writing

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skamamoroma · 5 years

Text

This is for you all. Sorry it’s a little late. This is for making the process of watching this season so special and so much fun, for all of your kind words, for all of the chats and discussions, for all of the ridiculousness and for making me smile. Thank you to @solo-silenzio, @madeforgardens and @loving-nicotino for all of their dedication to allow us non-Italians to enjoy the magic too. I will miss Martino Rametta like crazy - the bluest, bravest boy with the beautiful smile. I will miss Nico whose vulnerability but willingness to try taught me a lot. Thank you to all you lovely lovely people and to the few I spent so long chatting to (you know who you are) and who made the whole thing so special. It’s not much but it’s something little to say thank you ❤️💙

This is a little filler for post-La Grotta. It’s Marti reflecting a little on that night from his bed in the very early morning.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There’s one thing that stands out for Marti. From the moment Nico had pulled back from their hug, wiping at his eyes until the second he had fallen asleep wrapped in Marti’s arms, the feeling of being needed had been overwhelming.

Marti smiles, tugging the duvet higher until he can tuck it around his neck. He turns on his side, eyes on Nico as he helps them match and makes sure that no part of Nico is exposed, that’s he’s warm.

It’s new, this feeling. It sits in Marti’s chest and blooms and aches; he can’t quite shake it and hasn’t been able to since he stepped onto that balcony. He’s needed. It’s not like Nico can’t live without him, it’s more that he doesn’t seem to want to and isn’t that the most miraculous fucking special thing in the whole world. He makes someone feel better; Nico wants him close. Somebody wants all of him without question.

It’s the kind of sense of responsibility that would have seemed insane only weeks ago when life was all grey and tangled and numb. Life had been fragmented into visible and invisible fragments, people had been held at arm’s length and each day had seemed like a chore to complete with a welcome ending.

Now, it’s like Nico said in his text. He said he saw Marti as one of the lights, one of the many twinkling from afar but how do you process that when life has been missing light for so so long? How do you explain to someone that being their light makes life seem endless and possible again, makes your heart ache with affection and the will to do better? How do you explain that they are your light too, that you don’t see any of the darkness they say they hold inside because simply seeing them is like opening the curtains in the morning - they brought you to life and now you get to show your gratitude.

Marti sighs, eyes still on Nico watching his chest rise and fall against the sheets. He looks exhausted, eyes rimmed red still and a small dark spot on the pillow from his tears but he’s present and warm and sleeping - it’s a gift.

It’s with that thought that Marti lets his mind flood with memories of the previous evening, lets his left hand reach out to lie softly in Nico’s open palm and with gentle strokes of the warm skin there, let’s himself drift off to sleep once more.

———

The balcony is cold but Nico’s warm breath is a contrast to the icy nose pressed against his neck. Marti can feel Nico shaking a little and leans them both out of their hug with Nico’s hand holding hard to Marti’s sleeve. The cold air bites around them as Rome stretches out, a blanket of tiny lights but Marti strokes at Nico’s hair and the world shrinks.

It’s obvious that Nico isn’t up to talking. His eyes are glassy and a little unfocused but Marti smiles and smiles and smiles because he’s here. He’s safe and warm in a scarf and coat, he’s close enough to touch and Marti can help. Or he can try.

Words spoken in a bathroom echo in his mind as Marti stretches his thumb to wipe a stray tear from Nico’s cheek. He’d said those words out of bitterness and disappointment, as some attempt to hold onto those feelings because without them was an emptiness that sometimes surged hot with anger.

He barely recognises the person in his mind. Regret sinks low in his stomach but the old emptiness and anger brought him here and he understands how little he knew and how wrong he’d be proven to be.

He’d been so choked with his own fear and confusion to see clearly. It’s all snapshots now, retrospect providing clarity. Ma in the kitchen making pasta so slowly as exhaustion threatened to take over her limbs. Her hands would shake but she’d keep going because it was Marti’s favourite. Her dainty fingers resting on his arm as they watched some terrible crime show with no plot. The way she’d kiss his cheek every day without fail. How tired she looked in the morning in her robe but despite it all, how she’d run her fingers through his hair and smile. She loved the colour of his hair, always saying it’s the one thing she’s pleased he inherited from her. The way her eyes would slide into melancholy at those words because the unsaid things were laid out bare - “I hope you don’t inherit the rest”.

It’s with an onslaught of regret that Marti swallows hard and decides to pour every learned lesson into this moment. It’s happiness and not sadness that he feels coursing in his veins. He’s smiling and he can’t stop because he understands now, has to contain the rush of relief and gratitude he feels for the people he has in his heart because they’re why he’s standing and breathing and at peace.

He can be that for someone. He can take Gio’s warm smile and his Mamma’s soft hands and Filippo’s fierce words and be that someone for the boy whose eyes make his heart stop.

“Do you want to sleep at my place tonight?” he asks just as Nico’s eyes start to slide downwards again. He looks weak on his feet and Marti is sure the hold Nico has on his arm is partly to keep himself upright.

Nico sniffs, eyes darting up once to meet Marti’s then back down again to his feet. “I don’t- it’s not- I mean, you don’t need-” he tries and Marti feels the shame lodged in Nico’s chest because it sticks in his own throat, prickles at his eyes but strengthens his heart.

“Ni, do you want to sleep at my place? It’s ok if you don’t but I want you to answer without thinking, ok?”

And it’s then that Nico meet his eyes and they focus like the lenses of a camera, the sparkle in them returning a little as Nico just looks and looks. Marti’s chest aches.

“Yes” is the answer, soft and barely there but the edges of Nico’s lips curl into a smile and it’s like fireworks, like a dizzy fall into something unknown and for the first time, Marti just breathes into it, nods and slides his arm into Nico’s.

As they make their way down from the balcony, leaving the twinkle lights behind, Marti chooses to fill the silence with the story of his trip to the balcony. Their balcony. Nico hums a few times, lets out the odd breathy laugh and at the mention of Chicco Rodi, turns to meet Marti’s eyes in the little cave next to a pile of dirt. They stop then in the darkness.

It’s as romantic as most of their other moments and Marti smiles into an inexplicable laugh, pressing his face into Nico’s shoulder.

“What?” Nico asks. Marti tips his head up and rests his forehead against dark curls with a grin.

“I’m just thinking about how romantic we are,” Marti laughs out lightly and watches Nico’s face soften, chest aching with affection. He swallows and Marti takes in every detail, holding it close to his chest because Nico is beautiful. He’s all dark features and flushed cheeks and he’s holding tight to Marti’s arm again.

Nico takes a breath before he speaks. “At least this time it’s your fault,” he says, voice still a little croaky but Marti watches the twinkle in Nico’s eyes and brings his own hands to Nico’s face again, closing whatever distance exists between them and kisses him slow and soft.

Nico’s grip on him loosens a little as they sway together and Marti smiles wide as their lips part. “I blame Chicco Rodi,” Marti says then because it’s guaranteed to make Nico laugh and it reminds him of headphones and sudden flashes of light through a pane of glass.

Nico doesn’t laugh but he does smile; he smiles wider than he has since Marti arrived and he presses his shoulder to Marti’s as they step carefully through rubble and god knows what else to get to the fence.

They finish the entire tutorial in reverse with limited discussion but without ever losing a hold on each other and with the odd murmur of encouragement.

The bus is empty, as is Marti’s street as they step into the cold and Marti fumbles for his key. Nico is beside him, shoulders curled inwards and it’s when Marti begins to silently list all of the ways he can think to comfort a person, all of the things other people have done for him.

Food. Distractions. Comfort. Space to decide. Smiles. Words said with meaning.

As they cross the threshold of the apartment, it feels like a moment and Nico holds back for a second before Marti turns, holds out his hand and smiles wide, slotting their fingers together. With a tug, Nico follows him into the dark of the hallway and Marti presses a grin into his scarf as fingers tighten against his own. He’s got this.

Keep going.

They stop at the door to Marti’s room and he breathes deep, turning to press his back into the frame and to hold onto the boy beside him. Nico seems a little more present, eyes scanning the hall before settling on Marti’s.

“I didn’t think I’d come here for the first time like this,” he says and somewhere deep in Marti’s chest aches.

“It doesn’t matter,” Marti adds quickly and offers a smile, “you’re here and that’s all that matters to me.”

Said with meaning.

The words seem to work because Nico’s face softens, his eyes fill with what Marti recognises as fondness and it’s like a drug, like his heart reaches out to Nico’s in that moment and offers everything, anything, it can. It’s a heart so inexperienced but willing and hammering hard in his chest.

“Would you like something to eat?” Marti asks them as he pushes open his door and guides Nico inside, turning on a lamp as he goes. “I could make something for us if you’d like or I could just bring biscuits and tea. Espresso maybe? Or we have leftovers I could heat up. Just tell me an-“

“Marti,” Nico interrupts and it’s laced with a little humour. His eyes sparkle and Marti laughs, head ducked.

“No food,” Marti breathes out with a grin. “Message received.”

Space to decide.

And just like that things are so normal. They’re standing in Marti’s room bundled in Winter coats, a collection of cold fingers and tear stained cheeks. It’s weird but it’s everything and Marti slides his hand out of Nico’s grip and busies himself finding a warm jumper and pyjama pants, hands missing the heat of Nico’s skin in an instant.

He’s distracted for a moment, knows that Nico has perched on the edge of his bed, and it isn’t until he finds what he’s looking for and turns back towards Nico that he sees the flicker of lamplight in the tear tracks on Nico’s face.

Marti discards the clothes, throws them somewhere on the bed and is on his knees in front of Nico, hands reaching out to hold Nico’s face a way that seemed to comfort him on their balcony. Nico’s face is crumbling, his lips wet with tears and his brow lined deep. He’s struggling and Marti fumbles in his mind, desperation kicking in for a fraction of a second he hasn’t got to waste because seeing Nico hurting is difficult, watching him turn inward feels wrong when Nico’s heart has so much joy to give.

And that’s when it slots together. The giraffe. Head and heart and the space between.

“Tell me what Benni said,” Marti says without thinking.

Distractions.

Nico doesn’t react quickly. It takes Marti to duck his head to catch his attention, repeating his request and he watches as tears flood Nico’s eyes, the same eyes that make his heart swell in his chest till he’s sure it’ll burst. Marti’s face slides into affection as he wipes at Nico’s cheeks, stroking at the curls framing his face before letting his hands slide down to curl around Nico’s, holding tight.

“La giraffa ha il cuore lontano dai pensieri”, Nico says on a whisper, fingers slotting in Marti’s. The words sound beautiful because they’re laced with meaning, said like a mantra. It’s like going back to a bed, a boy and talk of dreams in a desolate land. It’s then that Marti swallows hard, looking up at Nico with a nod.

“Thank you for telling me,” he says, squeezing Nico’s hands. “I think I understand now.”

“I’m sorry,” is Nico’s whispered reply and Mart shakes his head instantly, Nico’s cheeks once again in his hands.

“If you promise not to apologise to me anymore, I’ll stop offering you all the contents of my fridge, deal?”

After a beat, Nico laughs and it’s genuine and beautiful and the best sound Marti has ever heard.

He can do this. They can do this.

“Deal,” Nico says softly, reaching out to press his palm to Marti’s cheek. It rests there warm and featherlight, fingers eventually moving up to brush at the curls across Marti’s forehead. He smiles, eyes closing for a second and head falling to rest against one of Nico’s palms.

“I’ll give you a second to change if it would help? I can go get us some water?”

Nico nods then, slides his palm down to Marti’s knee and taps it gently. “Are you sure?” Nico asks, swallowing, “about me staying the night?” There’s still a whisper of insecurity. Nico is asking for validation, for confirmation that he’s wanted and just like that, Marti sees conversations in Nico’s past, imagines the experiences that have created a boy so bright and kind and yet still unsure of the love he deserves. It’s difficult to keep up with what is swirling in Nico’s brain but Marti sighs out and stands, let’s his hand stroke from Nico’s cheek, down to his jaw where, for the second time in one evening, tips Nico’s chin up a fraction.

“If you want to stay, I want you to stay,” Marti says simply - fiercely - and allows himself to smile around the words because understanding how Nico feels isn’t necessary. It isn’t possible - not really. So many years spent locking up his feelings has created a credit, a stockpile of love. It’s a long time left untouched so what is possible and absolutely necessary is Marti’s ability to use it, spend it, offer it to the person whose dark eyes and killer smile changed his world. “You can sleep next to me.”

Those words make Nico bite his lip, fighting a grin despite the drying tears on his cheeks. He nods and sets to unloop his scarf and unbutton his coat as Marti leans to pull Nico’s replacement clothes closer and then the door that he leaves open a fraction.

Two mugs of tea later, Marti’s in his shirt, jeans and socks as he toes open the door. The room is warmer now, the only light is provided by his lamp but it’s cosy and Nico is sat against his headboard in borrowed pyjama pants, tshirt and a crinkled hoodie. It’s everything all at once.

“I like your room,” Nico says softly as Marti rounds the bed, placing both mugs on the nightstand. “It’s very you.”

Marti laughs then, perching on the edge of the bed to look at Nico over his shoulder. “And what is that supposed to mean?” He’s grinning, can’t stop it even for a second because Nico’s nose is pink, his hair wild and he’s grinning too.

Comfort.

“Nothing,” Nico sighs, reaching for a mug and holding it between both hands, “just that it’s no fuss, it’s so blue and it’s kind of cool in an understated way.”

With a breathy laugh, Marti turns. His eyes are shining - he can tell - face beaming because Nico called him cool, Nico is on his bed, Nico is going to sleep alongside him for a full night. Suddenly it dawns on him slowly, Marti’s brain, chest, heart flooding with warmth because via text the mood was melancholy, the twinkle lights of Rome were wistful and caused sadness and longing but now, in Marti’s bedroom, all seems well.

There are going to be difficulties and moments of confusion and struggle but if they can get here, to this, then they can do anything. They just need to take it slow, remember the simple things and always fall back into each other in the easy, familiar, intimate way that seemed to be perfected instantly from the moment they were separate by glass in a radio room.

It takes a minute to change into pyjamas as Nico sips his tea, a moment to switch off the lamp and a second for them both to slide into bed and under the duvet into each other’s arms. Marti shuts his eyes tight, breathes deep to calm his heart at the sensation of Nico’s body curling close and onto his chest and wishes that each moment, each minute, could last forever.

#skam italia #my words #ff #nicotino #sorry this is late #ive had a very busy few days and i havent been myself or able to do this till now #sending love to you all

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