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eternalbuckley · 10 months

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I don't regret it. — evan buckley

SUMMARY: They always say that you shouldn’t sleep with your friends, correct? They always warn you about it. But if you do it anyways what should happen? Well it lead to an awkward atmosphere between you two and you‘re scared it will ruin your friendship with Buck.

word count: 3.020

genre: angst? with fluff at the end | gn!reader, queer!reader, bipoc!reader and plus-size!reader friendly

warnings: friends to lovers, reader is a firefighter (works with the 118 together), mention of past with buck, mention of alcohol consumption, mentions of sexual act (no smut), teasing?, mention of reader almost falling down a tree, jealous reader, mention of car accident and giving birth, a lot of tension between reader and Buck, use of Y/N a few times, english is not my first language, not proofread! — if there’s something i forgot please let me know!

a/n: i feel like the end was a bit rushed but i didn’t know how to continue this, i‘m sorry. especially because this is my first proper buck fic. keep in mind that i’m only on s4 of the show, so i tried to get everything right! i hope you can still enjoy it! :)

my requests are open so if you have some, send them in and i‘ll see if i can create something! (look at my rules first)

disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know! reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated and welcomed!

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(gif is not mine, credits to the owner!)

"Everything alright, Y/L/N?" Hen asked you after watching you for a few minutes being silent and staring into nothing. Only nibbling at your cup of coffee.

You quickly blinked with your eyes and looked at her. "Hm? Oh yeah. Yeah, everything is alright. 'm just a bit hungover from last night." You smiled and tried to assure her you were telling the truth.

She shouldn’t know that all the things you had on your mind right now were the events of last night. Being out with the team and staying at the bar longer with Buck. The both of you drank more drinks after one another and laughed together. You were dancing together and well. One thing led to another thing and you ended up in Bucks apartment.

Stumbling through the door with shared laughter and holding each other. You went to his kitchen to get yourself a glass of water. Giving him one as well. It was silent between you but there was something unspoken in the room. Your head was spinning but you both looked at each other in a certain way. Buck and you‘ve been friends since he joined the 118. Well after some time you became friends. In the beginning, you didn’t really like each other. You were heavily irritated by him and his behavior. But he felt the same way about you. After all, you can thank a tree and you almost falling that you both became closer. Since he saved you from falling, screaming after you almost fell.

You looked at him. Eyes filled with lust, you tried to ignore it the past months but it was getting harder and harder each day. Seeing him every day at work, needing to resist the urge to shove him against the wall and kiss him. Little did you know it was just as hard for him as well.

He looked you up and down, you did as well. He came closer to you. Very close. Your nerves getting the better of you. He set down his glass right behind you. While he bent down, he brushed against your arm. You followed his action with your eyes, not moving a meter. Not being sure you‘ll be able to hold back. The alcohol still being in both of your systems. Your knees were getting weak after he looked directly into your eyes. Which is the reason you held the counter behind your back.

"I.. Uhm probably should go." You whispered, not trusting your own voice.

"You could stay here. It’s already late." He answered, "You can sleep in my bed."

You shook your head and wanted to pass him but he gently held your arm. Stopping you from moving. "Y/N…" He whispered now and reached up with his other hand to touch your cheek. "I really want to kiss you right now."

Surprise was written on your face. "You.. We‘re drunk we shouldn’t do things we don’t want in that state, Buck."

Both of your eyes met after you looked at him again. You immediately pulled him to you and kissed him. Ignoring the voice in your head that told you to stop. He immediately kissed you back and put his hands on your waist. He gently put you down on the counter and you put your legs around his hips. The kiss was getting more heated. And you indeed ended up in his bed. With him together. Naked. Panting and sweating. Roaming over each other’s bodies and exploring them. You still felt his lips on you and how amazing it felt having him so close to you.

But you will never tell Hen this part of the story. She nodded and eyed you suspiciously but decided to not dig deeper. Her curiosity grew even more after Buck came up and greeted you both. Him looking at you longer but not saying more. And that‘s where things started to be more awkward between you. After you guys woke up in the morning you didn’t really talk with each other. You gathered your clothes and said goodbye very quickly to get home before work. You were nervous and didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure what to do as well, either if he should let you go or stop you and talk about the last night. But he let you go.

"I‘ll go and find… Eddie." You quickly got up and went down the stairs. Hen and Buck watching you leave.

Hen looked back to Buck and eyes him suspiciously. "What was that?"

"Uhm I don’t.. know." He tried to ignore the look on her face. She raised her eyebrows and slowly nodded her head.

"Don’t look at me like that, Hen."

She raised her hands as well now. "I‘m not doing anything!"

Chimney joined them now. "What‘s going on?" He chuckled and took one of the snacks that were laying on plates, prepared by you.

"Something’s going on between Buck and Y/N. I just don’t know what."

Buck wanted to defend himself but kept his mouth shut. He didn’t want to give in and out himself. They shouldn’t know what happened between you and him. Before anything would be talked about with them, he wanted to talk to you first. Alone. He didn’t know how to process the fact that you slept together. Buck didn’t mind obviously since he had a soft spot for you but he needed to know what you thought about it. His worst nightmare would be that you wouldn’t talk to him anymore and your friendship would be over. He definitely didn’t want it to happen like that. He never even imagined it would actually happen but he didn’t want it to happen while you’re both drunk. But maybe this was needed to get things rolling between you and to talk about each of your own feelings for one another.

Chimney tried to analyze Bucks body language. Eyeing him very clearly. Buck tried to ignore it but it got harder after Eddie came to join them too. Bucks look was hard to read but Chimney immediately looked in the same direction as Buck and was met with Eddie.

"You know something!" Chimney pointed to Eddie, who shockingly looked at everyone.

He shook his head. "Don’t drag me into this."

Buck cleared his voice. "I‘ll uh.. Leave you guys alone." And quickly went down, trying to find you.

Chimney whispered to Hen. "Ten bucks they’re sleeping with each other."

Eddie looked at him and rolled his eyes.

Chimney read this as an answer. "I knew it!"

"I didn’t even say anything! I have no idea what‘s going on between them." Eddie defended him but Chimney didn’t believe him even though Eddie was kind of telling the truth.

Buck walked around the station and found you outside. Standing in the sun and waiting for the next call. It was a quite peaceful day. There was only one call. Saving a puppy from the roof of a house. It got there through a window but it was nothing you and the team couldn’t handle with ease.

Buck stood next to you. "H-hi."

"Hey." You turned your head to him. "I.. Sorry that I left so quickly in the morning." You didn’t know what you should say. It was the first proper moment you had today to talk with Buck.

"Don’t worry. It was a surprising situation." He held a cup of coffee to you which you happily took. You thanked him with a smile.

You looked back to the sun, he did too. Both of you not noticing the group of your beloved family watching the scene between you and talking about it.

"Yep. They definitely have something going on."

"Chimney!" Hen slightly slapped his arm but chuckled. "It was very weird. Y/N was very absent while we were sitting here and after our sunny boy joined us, they quickly had to leave." She added.

Eddie watched you both but didn’t comment anything and just listened to Hens and Chimneys chatting. He didn’t officially know what was going on between you but he knew you guys fancied each other for some time now. It was hard not to notice the longing looks you gave each other. Internally he hoped you would realize soon what was going on in front of you.

You slightly nudged Bucks arm. "We‘re being watched." You whispered to him.

He chuckled and turned around to see Eddie shoving Chimney and Hen away. Trying to act like he didn’t watch you as well. You joined his chuckling.

Buck looked at his feet, stammering out his words. Nervosity and seriousness suddenly took over his body.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You opened your mouth to answer but that‘s when you were interrupted by getting a call to an accident. You didn’t answer him and immediately ran towards the engine, leaving Buck alone. It took him a second to get his mind focused and he followed your tracks. The rest of the shift went along very easily. You had to help a mother giving birth to a boy at a parking lot. Her car was not working anymore and it was already close to giving birth. And there were another two car accidents with a few injured people but not a big deal. And it continued to be like that for the whole week.

Buck had no chance to talk to you anymore and he thought you were avoiding him. He knew you weren’t but he was anxious about it. Especially after you were no way to be found after your shift. He waited a few more minutes outside for you. And saying his goodbyes to Chimney and Bobby but you were already gone. Buck sighed to himself and got in his car, driving home. He definitely thought about it now that you were avoiding him. And he didn’t know why.

Bucks feeling that you were avoiding were still true. You were avoiding him because you heard how Buck talked with Eddie about someone, he recently had sex with. He mentioned that he wanted to go with them on a proper date. It was a few days ago, two days after you slept together. You thought it was some other girl and you got jealous. It probably didn’t mean anything to him, you thought to yourself. So, you did avoid him.

Seeing this, Chimney and Hen grew more suspicious about the tension between you and Buck. They were seeing that you avoided him each time he was in your near and how you tried not to be too close to him. But there was one thing you didn’t hear when Buck and Eddie were talking. Buck didn’t talk about some random person, in fact, he was only talking about you. Eddie told him he should go for it and officially ask you out but there was no chance to do it.

You were currently sitting on your couch and looked at the couch table. Your head was filled with different thoughts and things you were overthinking about. You didn’t give Buck an answer to his question and left without saying goodbye to him. You didn’t even text him. What if he‘s mad now or thinks you‘re avoiding him on purpose because you were embarrassed that you slept with each other? Your phone was already in your hands, and the chat opened with Buck. You were thinking about texting him and started multiple times but each time you deleted your typed words.

You huffed and got up to get something to drink but your fridge was not helping you. "Damnit!" You looked at the clock. "Fuck it."

You put on your jacket and shoes. You almost forgot to take your keys with you after you were already out of your apartment but you were quick enough to gather it. You quickly walked down and got in your car. You looked at your phone and thought about texting Buck if he was still awake but you decided against it and drove to his apartment. He wouldn’t leave you outside if he would open the door and be faced with you. But if you texted him and he wouldn’t answer it would be even more weird.

When you stood in front of his door anxiety took over your body. You wanted to knock but you weren’t sure if this was a good idea. Right when you were about to knock the door opened and Buck looked at you with a surprised look on his face.

"Y/N?" He still had his hand on his doorknob. "What are you doing here?"

You pushed his arm away and entered his apartment. "I know it‘s already late and it was an exhausting shift but.." You deeply breathed in and looked at him. "We need to talk. And it can’t wait until tomorrow."

He closed the door behind you and that‘s when you noticed he was wearing his jacket as well. What if he was on his way to you as well? No, you were just delusional. He probably wanted to go to a bar or something. He wouldn’t come over to you, right? Right.

He looked at you, waiting for you to continue but you were silent. "Is everything okay?" Buck was hoping you would want to talk about the events of the night that happened a few days ago.

"No. It‘s not."

Buck looked at you, worried but didn’t interrupt you. You started walking up and down. Nervousness built up even more and Buck stood there and watched you.

"I uhm.." You started, "I‘m sorry?"

"For what?" He was confused.

You deeply breathed in and looked at him. You were standing right in front of him. "For avoiding you and basically running away from you." You chuckled but it was your try to light up your own mood. Which in fact didn’t work.

Buck put one of his hands on your arm and squeezed it. "Whatever the reason was, it must have been a reasonable one."

You shook your head and shoved away his hand. You were not ready for any physical contact. His heat was too much for you, all it caused were goosebumps and the want to feel him close to you again. It was intoxicating. He was intoxicating. The way he softly looked at you all the time. No hatred in his eyes. Just pure adoration. You loved that about him. The way how he always tried to be there for you and comfort you whenever you had bad times. And how he showed himself when you guys were alone and you were able to be there to comfort him when he needed it.

"Ironically it‘s not. It‘s stupid." You looked to the floor. "I guess I was just jealous…" You mumbled, he almost didn’t hear it but he did.

Your confession caused him to smirk. You didn’t have to look up, you already knew it. It was Buck after all.

"So…" He took a step closer to you. "Why were you jealous?" He asked you, a teasing tone in his voice.

You huffed. "A few days ago, I overheard you talking with Eddie. About someone you had sex with and I.."

"You really thought I was talking about someone else?" He smirked and got closer to you.

You slowly walked back and nodded your head. "Hm.." You bit into your lower lip. "But you know what it‘s just stupid."

He chuckled and looked to the floor for a second before he looked up again. "What if I tell you that it was just about you? And the night we had?"

You gulped. He was getting closer to you and you tried to get away but at some point, you were cornered by him. Buck stood in front of you. There was no physical touch but you were able to feel his body heat. The more you were in his presence, the hotter it got in the room.

"Uhm.." You chuckled nervously. "That‘s a good point you know? And now that you mention the night, we…"

"I don’t regret it."

You said no word. Just looking at him surprised but happy about him admitting it. Now it was Bucks turn to be nervous. Especially because you said nothing. No reaction.

"Unless it‘s the wrong time." He held up his hands and backed up a bit but you took his hand.

You pulled him to you and kissed him. He kissed you back and put his free hand on your lower back. A few seconds passed by until you ended the kiss. Your foreheads were touching and your eyes were closed. Buck was smiling from ear to ear.

"I don’t regret it as well, Buck. I would never." You whispered and he squeezed your hand.

The both of you ended up staying awake a bit longer and spent the time with talking. Talking about what would happen now especially because you were working together. Buck eventually officially asked you out on a proper date to take things seriously to which you happily said yes. You both fell asleep and the next morning you didn’t run out of his apartment without barely saying anything to him. Instead, you woke up in Bucks arms and tangled legs. You smiled and listened to his heartbeat while he was still sleeping. After a few dates and months of dating in secret and stolen glances while working, you made things official. Telling Maddie and Eddie the news first and then your team.

It was a day on your shift when you and Buck walked in while holding hands.

"I KNEW IT! Hen, Eddie! Give me your money!" Chim yelled once he saw you and he congratulated you both.

Everyone else was in awe, especially Bobby. After Chimney and Hen found out that Eddie was the first one to know about your guy's relationship, they jokingly ignored him but, in the end, everything turned out well.

And well little did you know that Buck had planned many more things for you and your now-shared future. But after all, breaking the rules? It was worth it.

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tarotwithdanise · 1 year

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PICK-A-CARD : THE ROMANTIC TROPE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE (LOVER)

༉ ‧ ₊ ˚ sections ✧ . ˚

1. Your romance trope with them.

2. Their love language and how they'll express it.

༉ ‧ ₊ ˚ how to choose pile? ✧ . ˚

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

1 - 2 - 3

rules, disclaimer and notes ☆

1. Just a quick disclaimer : This reading was made for entertainment purposes only. This is obviously a general reading so takes what will resonates and leave those doesn’t, you don’t need to force your energy to read this and leave such a bad comment - just to say it doesn’t resonates with you at all because the answer is very obvious! I don’t own any these pictures i collected them from pinterest so credits to the rightful owners.

2. Please ignore any grammatical errors with my reading since english is not my first language, thank you for understanding!

3. Third to the last one, if you are not an avid fan of this kind of readings and not totally 100% agree about the outcome of this pac please just ignore this post and don’t engaged anymore, this pac can contains harsh, hurtful comments about you or the other person that can trigger you if possible, so kindly read at your own risk and take how it’ll resonates.

4. Lastly, be happy and enjoy reading my works — feedbacks, comments, likes, reblogs and follows are really appreciated by the reader. (that’s me, lol :3)

for tips, donation, masterlist and paid readings ☆

TIPS JAR DONATION BOX

MASTERLIST PAID READING SERVICES

[ ♡ ] check out my second and back-up account @danisetarot.

SOURCE AND CREDITABLE : All of the pictures are collected and downloaded from pinterest , I don’t own any of them but credits goes to the rightful owners however edits goes and the reading itself belong to me. I use the editor tools canva and ibispaint for the header and divider. If saved/downloaded the divider use a proper credits and tag/mention along my acc @tarotwithdanise.

PILE ONE

1. Your romance trope with them.

cards : ten of wands,the magician,ace of wands,knight of swords,six of cups,magnetism,freedom and proposal.

possible romantic tropes : childhood sweetheart, lady and a knight and friendship to lovers.

prompt : person a helping person b to work with themselves then turn out both of them fallen in love with each other.

Whoops, this romantic trope is like a lady or princess and knight, just take which part are you between the two. I don't know but this spread is giving me a book story of that trope, a knight and a lady and/or childhood sweetheart's. Since in the very beginning we got the 10oW, this card is talks about burden. Before meeting your future spouse (lover), you will experience a lot of stress, overload responsibilities and problems with your life and then boom in out blue this person appear in your life or you'll meet this person (knight of swords) in the midst of all these problems and stress situation. I do see here that you are not really into love? before you actually gonna meet this person because you set these goals in your mind that you have to work with yourself first and then this person shakes things up and suddenly you felt the butterflies in your stomach. This love story is like already written down by the stars and the universe is the one that is in charge to make it come true. It seems like with them, with their love or their presence you'll feel being freedom and away from your own problems. This person is like a daily dose of serotinin to you.

It's like you'll mirror each other's love and each other's personality even though some of your qualities doesn't match with them at all. Both of you will find each other's as attractive individual. With them, you will feel the freedom that you want for yourself because you might felt this burden since you were a child (ToW and SoC), as well being with them, you are able to pass any obstacles whether if it's big or small. With them by your side, you will be able to conquer all obstacles that may come on your way in lifetime. It may also mean that a big change is coming in your relationship life when you meet them and this shift may require some bravery and work on your part to push this connection through. You are about to set boundaries for yourself, accepting what is, and fighting for what you feel and what you deserve is the key to open this new door.

I see that the proposal with this person will be grand. With the magician card being present here, I can say that this is giving off the energy of Wattpad or Fairy tale stories, this is a life changing connection, the love story you ever wanted and dream of. But i understand if someone here doesn't agree with this kind of love story since no relationship is perfect, no relationship is perfect - so be careful to not be manipulated with this person and don't just fall easily under their spell and with their charisma, always listen to what is your intuition saying to you. However this is a whirlwind romance that feels like a fairy tale. That makes you scream ‘‘It's happening to me now and i am the main character and not just a reader or watcher’’. This is someone who usually smooth and charming and can totally sweeps your feet off. This is true magical romance trope that feels like fictional. If it hasn't to you yet, well soon it will. However as i said, no love story is perfect there's still times that this relationship will be tested by the Universe.

2. Their love language and how they'll express it.

Their love language is about quality of time, gift giving and words of affirmation . This couple is giving me a vibes of an old soul that always belonged to each other no matter how many times they being reincarnated in many lives. Your future spouse is gonna fulfill your desired when it comes to love and intimacy, they want you to feel complete when they're around. This person love language feels like more into emotional and physical support. And so, they will know their obligations when it comes to you. Probably they want to build a solid foundation with you, a long lasting marriage life is coming out here. They probably from a rich family, someone who considered rich in their country or in your country. With you, they usually gonna enjoy the life's pleasures - having good foods and drinks. They will teach you how to cherish every moment in life and enjoy it while living.

surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.

Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated !! ♡

song from my shuffle playlist. ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

PILE TWO

1. Your romance trope with them

cards : seven of wands, four of wands, ten of swords, justice, nine of cups, fearless love, heart-to-heart conversation, last love.

possible romantic tropes : arranged marriage, blackmail things, fake relationship.

prompt : a two highschool students that develops likings into each other. Fell in love and out suddenly because of the responsibility and being too young. Redemption and spark going lit again, when they sees each other after a very long time.

There's a strong cardigan song vibes by Taylor Swift is outta here, especially the line where ‘‘you drew stars around my scars’’. It's feels like you two are too young for love and t get into the next level of commitment. I see here, a redemption of this love story. Falling apart to grow individually and then bringing back again to lit the love that have been started since they are young. Otherwise, if you already finished school you probably gonna break each other's heart. It will not be easy for the two of you. Other than that, I see an objections from family? They won't agree with this relationship. This is probably gonna hurt you so bad.

Your family or their family is probably thinking that this relationship is against the law? They just can't accept this connection and love that is growing between this two people. Maybe because you two have differences between each other and/or probably you two are belong to the same gender.

Typically challenges make this relationship go stronger and wilder. I see a strong interest with this two people. It's not just you and it's also them. If you are manifesting this type of person, there's like 70% that this probably might happen. You like to discuss your feelings, love and care with so much purity and truth with this person. You don't have to be afraid because this love is about taking a leap of faith, you will be tested about how you really love each other. In the end, this is your true love no matter how many hard phases you two will go through like a dramatic love story you might be watching online or in TV's.

2. Their love language and how they'll express it.

I only get gift giving and physical touch here. They probably buy you a lot of material things that you hold and cherished memories forever. Their small gifts makes you feel loved by them. They like to kiss you on your forehead and eyes, they think that's sweet and lovely. They're also type of people who will bought a flower on a store to give it to you in a special occasion. Their love language will make you as if you are their major priority in their life. If you are struggling with money, they probably gonna help you with that case.

surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.

Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated !! ♡

song from my shuffle playlist. ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

PILE THREE

*For few people who were attracted to pile one, I'm here to remind you that you can read that as well.

cards : eight of pentacles, the magician, four of swords, page of pentacles, king of swords, ace of cups, responsibilities, falling in love, wedding.

possible romantic trope : enemies to lovers, love at first sight and arranged marriage.

prompt : it's a romantic suspense story about taking charge of the two people responsibilities.

There's a lot of hardwork with this two protagonist. Perhaps that there's a high chances that you and your partner might be an arranged marriage. The masculine energy here is the one who will sacrifice and do all the things to make this relationship work and to make this other person fall in love with them. They are the one who will offer the love to another person. They're the one who probably head offer heals ; love at first sight in general if I'm gonna describe it.

Even though you told this person to stop, they will work more harder. They don't want to stop, they want to be the one. This love story is belong with those type of stories you frequently sees on TV's, this is a life-changing love. This is a whirlwind romance like pile one. The one that will fulfill your cup with love and care you are longing for. Your future spouse (lover) is a dominant individual - they can be working in the field of law or writer. They might be good with the subject mathematics as well or anything related to math but I can't totally say that they'll a human calculator, this is probably type of person who is a fast learner.

With your married life, you two are very responsible. It's seems you are aware what you need to do or what job you should do with this marriage. There's so much respect and faithfulness with this two people which I really love.

2. Their love language and how they'll express it.

Their love language is quality of time and act of service. You two probably like to stargazing while lying down in a green grass or in a roof or walking in shore while holding hands, this is a beautiful moment (hope it you will totally experience this). Well, in your marriage life I do see here that the other person can't go to bed without the other person like they always go to bed at the same time. Also, you two like to massage each other's and they're probably the one that will get up first in bed to make you a breakfast. They will make/buy you, your favorite sweet treats.

surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.

Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated !! ♡

song from my shuffle playlist. ♡

Made with love, Danise.

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l0vergirlwrites · 11 months

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our moments ; rick grimes

warnings: mentions of weapons, blood, death, swearing, some angst & a sweet slow burn

a few moments with rick throughout the time you’ve known each other that aided your slow burn:

1. early prison days

since you were new the group, it was hard fitting into their little family when you stumbled across them with tyrese & sasha after carl led you through the prison’s catacombs. despite your previous group leaving, going off somewhere else to call home, you stayed because your gut told you to.

you followed their orders & stayed clear of the group to focus on your daily tasks to prove that you’re person of your word until you were allowed to sleep in the same cell block as the rest of them.

one night when you decided to stay up & count the food rations in the main area, you didn’t expect someone to join you.

with a small gaslit lamp, a notebook & half a broken pencil, you were busy looking back & forth between the canned food & your paper until the metal door of the cell block creaked quietly. springing your head up, your body slightly relaxed when you saw the group’s leader begin to approach you.

“what are you doing?” rick asked you, bouncing judith up & down in his arms to calm her fussing.

taking a seat across from you at the circular metal table, you tucked your hair behind your ears & looked back at him. “just some food inventory,” you said looking around at the cans & bags of grain still left from the group’s last run.

“glenn mentioned that maggie & him were planning to do a run tomorrow, so i thought an updated inventory list would be helpful” your kind explanation made rick give you a tiny smile in approval.

“that’s nice of ya to do, thanks” he said while looking back between you & his daughter. the grip she had on his thumb made your heart swell. it was nice to see something full of love in a world where death crept everywhere.

“could i ask you something?”.

humming in response, rick lowered judith to his chest & focused on you.

“why have you kept me around?” the question lingered in the air.

scratching his chin, rick looked back at you & tilted his head a little, almost like he was analyzing you.

“you’ve proven yourself,” rick started. “you’ve shown your loyalty, you’ve gotten along with everyone & followed through with orders… & you’re pretty good with a gun & bow” he listed off a few reasons, seeing you grow a shy smile on your face.

it felt nice to know he approved you.

“the things you do—like staying up to do something that’ll help others tomorrow—is the kind of thing we need more of… sets a good example, shows you’re worth it” his voice grew more sincere as he spoke.

this was the first time you both have had a one-on-one conversation. it was nice.

“i was unsure about you…” he noted, your eyes flashing with worry for a moment.

“—but you’ve proven me wrong so far… keep doing that” giving you an encouraging boost of morale, he rose from his seat once he noticed judith getting sleepy, heading towards the metal door to leave you to it.

“thank you rick,” you called out softly, making him pause his movements. “really, thank you”

“you’re welcome… goodnight” he said looking back at you.

the gaze you both held ignited a small warm feeling. you both felt it, but ignored it.

“goodnight” you waved him off, sighing contently before getting back to your ration notes.

2. post prison

after the prison fell, you wound up alone & fearful in the woods. with the few items you had in your emergency bag, you were able to survive for a few days by sleeping in the high trees, tying your body to large branches so you wouldn’t fall.

but you were tired, going hungry, & your injuries were going to get worse if you didn’t find more medical supplies soon.

it was hard for you to get proper sleep when the friendships you’ve made with rick & the group keep you up at night. did they make it out? are any of them hurt? are they alone too?

the questions were endless.

but instead of wallowing, you knew you had to keep going. by using the tracking tricks daryl had taught you a few times when going on runs, you were hopefully making progress in tracking a decently fresh pair of boots that led to an abandoned neighborhood. you weren’t able to tell if they belonged to anyone you knew, but your gut was telling you to follow them.

the neighborhood was silent, alike many other ghost towns you’ve came across since the world fell apart, but it gave you a hopeful feeling as you pushed yourself to search the houses for anything, or anyone. old books, tvs, clothes, dead bodies, children’s toys—all covered by layers of dust, dried blood, flies & debris.

it took you a few houses to find a decently stacked medical kit, which you used to clean a few of your shallow cuts on your arms & cheek from getting bark burn. you also found a few canned goods which gave you some hope, but there was no sign that anyone from the prison had even been in the area yet.

when you reached the middle area of houses along the street, you heard a muffled sound of something falling, intriguing you to look further. slowly making your way up a set of porch steps, knife out & ready to use. you quietly scanned the front windows to see if anything was near the front of the house.

you expected walkers. you didn’t expect rick & carl.

as soon as you saw them, you felt immediate relief wash over you, overwhelming you to the point where you had tears welling in your eyes. so you knocked on the door & waited.

rustling. silence. mumbling. creaking.

the door opened cautiously, & behind it you saw a beaten up rick grimes looking at you with a smile. before either of you could say anything, carl was already rushing into your arms & holding you in a tight embrace, causing you to laugh as a few tears rolled down your cheeks.

“hi—“

“—how did you find us?!” carl asked into your shoulder.

“i tracked. gut feeling” you sniffled as you held him tighter, your eyes melting into rick’s as his smile grew.

the way he looked at you spoke more than words could.

his blue eyes flashed “i missed you”

& yours flashed back “i missed you too”

after carl let you go & pulled you inside, locking the door, you & rick stood in front of each other for a moment, soft smiles present on your faces.

you were the first to initiate the hug.

“i’m glad you’re okay” you mumbled into his torn shirt, holding him tighter when you felt rick’s arms go around your shoulders.

“right back at ya” he whispered to you, leaning his head on-top of yours until you pulled away, getting a good look at him.

rick was beaten to a pulp with dirt & dried blood on his clothes & skin, along with a partial black eye near his swollen cheek.

“you look—“

“rough” carl says, causing you to turn to him & laugh.

turning back to rick, you pointed to your worn out backpack. “got some stuff to fix that” you smiled, following carl into the kitchen where you told him to sit so you could check him for injuries.

rick followed behind shortly, ghosting in the doorway as he looked at you bearing your own set of injuries, rushing your medical kit items out while carl updated you on what happened since the fall.

the way you treated carl with such care made rick feel that small warm feeling again. his gut was trying to telling him something. but he hasn’t pieced it together yet. & somehow, neither have you.

3. pre-terminus

“if you fall, i get the last kit-kat!”

“oh you’re so on!”

the train tracks to terminus, a so-called safe haven, were longer than anticipated. the journey was bound to take a couple days. but so far with you, rick & carl, it’s been pleasant.

you tried to keep carl entertained by balancing on the train tracks as rick stayed a head of you both, laughing at the childish energy emitting from your game.

“what’re you guys doing?” rick asked with a smile on his face, walking backwards now as he looked between you & carl with looks of concentration on your faces.

“winning” you replied, hearing carl scoff beside you as a rebuttal.

rick shook his head at both of you, turning around to keep his eyes out for any threats until he heard someone’s feet clash against the gravel.

“oh shit—“

“haha i win!”

turning his heard around again, rick saw you on the gravel with a playful pout on your face while carl was lifting his arms up in victory.

“fair is fair” you said while handing carl the kit-kat bar, smiling softly when you saw how happy he was to have it.

“we can share—“

“carl, you don’t have to—“

“fair is fair! take your half y/n”

taking a half of the kit-kat bar, you thanked the boy & looked towards rick, seeing him motion you to come forward.

once you were beside him, he called carl to come in front so he could keep an eye on him, then he went back to looking at you.

“thank you” rick said, nodding his head towards carl.

“you don’t have to thank me” you nudged his elbow with yours.

as rick looked ahead at his son still balancing on the train tracks, he sighed.

you & carl being friends is not a strange concept—the whole group, including rick, knew the small friendship. you got him comic books with michonne, & he made you origami figures in return. you looked out for him, & he looked out for you.

“you being here… i think it’s helping him cope with… ” you knew who was referring to… it was judith.

“rick,” placing a hand on his shoulder, you squeezed the material of his jacket. “i-i—“

“it’s okay,” he assured, tight lipped smile on his face as he relished your presence.

“i don’t think you should give up on her yet” you told him slowly, seeing him furrow his brows.

“why?” he asked quietly, trying to find any hope within himself to believe that his daughter is still out there, safe from harm.

“gut feeling” you said simply, seeing rick look he wasn’t sure if he should believe you.

“you always go with your gut?” he asked again, looking at you with an unreadable look on his face.

nodding your head, you told him yes. “its what made me stay at the prison… made me find you & carl, so yeah—i go with my gut”

“i might do the same then”

his words made you smile as you gave his shoulder one last squeeze, dropping your hand back into your coat pocket.

the rest of the walk was quiet, besides carl’s random questions you encouraged him to ask so he’d keep himself busy. rick often chimed in too, the three of you walking side by side until the forest welcomed you again.

the warm feeling came back again. it was growing stronger than before. but still, neither of you knew what it meant.

4. post-terminus

terminus was a huge lie. a total shit show. & it left the group feeling worse than the fall of the prison. you had found a small church to crash at, courtesy of gabriel, a priest that none of you could seem to trust much, but you needed shelter.

the group, along with a few new members named abraham, eugene & rosita, all gathered around the alter area under a few candles & ate from some of gabriel’s rations, everyone talking & catching up. it was nice to be reunited with the group of people you’ve come to love, even though not all of them survived.

you sat next to maggie, directly in front of rick, & watched him play with judith as he relished his reunion with his daughter. it made your heart swell with happiness to know your gut feeling was right, that judith was safe with tyrese & carol after all.

she’s been making grabby hands towards you & maggie for a while now, causing rick to laugh before nudging your foot with his.

“ya wanna hold her?” he asked, seeing you nod your head carefully as you scooted closer to rick, hands shaking slightly due to nerves because you’ve never held her before.

everyone continued their conversations, but maggie & glenn stared at you two with knowing looks on their faces because they saw something you & rick haven’t noticed yet.

once you were seated beside rick, your back against the wood of the altar, he slowly passed judith over to you & she immediately grabbed your hair, gently pulling on the strands as you held her in your lap. you talked to her in a hushed voice, smiling as you heard her giggle & point towards rick a few times.

“she likes ya” rick drawled, both of you smiling brightly as judith babbled on.

“y/n,” you looked to rick as he talked, your eyes shining in the amber coloured candle light—it made him feel the warm feeling again.

“yeah?” you questioned when he went silent again, wondering what questions were swirling around in his head.

his brows furrowed again, not in a confused way, but in a concerned one. “you okay?”

his voice was quiet, making it clear he wanted to have a somewhat private moment with you. you weren’t too sure what to say—you haven’t been fine since the world fell apart, hell—no has been. but since you’ve become a member of his group & built friendships with them, you felt good.

“it’s like a double sided coin,” you tried to explain, finding it hard to say your feelings with words.

“i hurt, i mourn, i’m exhausted… i feel far from okay in so many aspects i guess. but, i know i really am okay because the group’s here, you’re here…” the little admission made you let out a carefree smile, one which rick quickly returned & that warm feeling came back again like a magnet, pushing you too closer.

“as long as everyone is okay, then so am i”

your answer ignited a feeling in rick he hasn’t felt in a long time. it almost felt like lo—

“thank you for saving me earlier. that terminus guy was so close to—”

“hey,” he nudged you. “i got you, no need to thank me” rick assured, his tone sounding far from platonic but you brushed past it.

“right back at you” your chest started to getheavy the more you looked at him, making you feel nervous & warm.

comfortable silence took over the two of you until carl took judith from your lap, bringing you back into the groups’ conversations. you were surrounded by friends, but one of the them seemed to have the potential of being more than that.

5. early alexandria

alexandria was too good to be true. children could play outside with no hassle, the homes were more than luxurious, & the place wasn’t crawling with walkers in the walls. there was running water, soap, makeup, clothes, lots of food, & mattresses that weren’t filled with holes or mold.

it was paradise. but it felt almost like a trick.

after the lengthy interview process with deanna & all the orders on weapons, plus townspeople introductions, everyone was finding their own groove on how to adjust.

the first night felt like a shock to the system for everyone, especially due all the time the group spent on the road, having access to luxuries felt too weird. as the group eventually fell asleep, you stayed awake, staring at the ceiling until you couldn’t bear it.

getting up from your sleeping bag & carefully tiptoeing upstairs, you decided to explore the house for a while to escape your troubles. you went through the bedrooms, testing the lights, poking the mattresses & you eventually sat down on one to really test if it was real.

& it was.

the cushiony feel of the mattress felt like heaven against your body, making you lay down fully to really enjoy it. just as you sighed with comfort, you heard the door creak open, causing you to spring up & almost fall off the bed.

“it’s just me” rick said slowly, closing the door when you breathed out of relief.

“sorry, you scared me for a sec” with your hand clutching your heart, you brushed your messy hair behind your ears, like you always do, & patted the spot next to for rick to sit.

“what’re you doing up here?” he asked once he sat on the mattress, leaning his right arm back so he could turn his body towards you.

shrugging your shoulders, you played with the hem on the clean shirt deanna gifted you, “felt like exploring the place a bit”

giving you a tired smile, rick nodded his head, “not because you can’t sleep?”

“haha, no… definitely not” you replied sarcastically, hearing rick chuckle at your words.

rick thought you looked beautiful in this moment, seeing you in a new light. your skin was free from any debris & dirt, your hair was freshly washed & smelt like vanilla, you wore clothes that didn’t have any rips or thousands of patches—you looked more beautiful than he thought you could.

you thought rick looked nice all cleaned up, freshly shaven skin with no stubble in sight, his hair clean & not sticking down onto his forehead, plus his hands were finally dirt & blood free for once. rick looked nice, especially because you’ve never seen him like this before.

“i don’t know how long it’ll take for me to get used to you not having a beard” you said to break the silence, inviting soft laughs to break through you both as rick rubbed over his face again.

“god—i don’t even know if i’m used to it” he groaned with a smile, making your stomach flip in circles.

before you knew it, the space between you both was slowly dissipating; you didn’t realize your knee was touching his.

“you look nice though,” you complimented, eyes focused on the details of his face in the dark. “never seen you like this before… very handsome” rick hummed at your words, eyes raking over your face again before making eye contact.

“you look nice too… real pretty…” he trailed on. rick wasn’t sure what else to say to hide the fact he was at his breaking point. the magnet was pulling him closer, & he couldn’t turn away from it anymore.

you were hoping the lack of bright light helped to mask the way your cheeks were burning hot.

“do you think we can make this place work?” rick asked suddenly, switching the topic to something serious.

nodding your head almost immediately, your hand went onto of his. “i think so. you’ve led us through hell & back—“

shaking his head to make you pause, rick lifted his hand from yours only to grasp it, giving it a small squeeze. “no, not me—us… we… you & me— do you think we can make this place work… together?”

the reframing of his question made you wonder if your heart skipped a few beats.

you stared at him, eyes flashing “do you mean it?”

his flashed back with ease “i do”

looking towards your hand in his, your knee against his knee, the proximity between you two—

“yeah,” you finally answered. “i know we can make this work”

smiling until your ears hurt, you felt rick gave your hand another squeeze as your eyes glossed over, eyes not leaving his blue ones.

same old rick. same old feeling. that’s what it meant all this time.

“gut feeling?” he whispered. this felt right.

“yeah, gut feeling” you whispered back.

he couldn’t handle it any longer, neither could you. so he pulled you closer with his hand on your cheek & kissed you, slow & loving with no rush of what the next day will bring. there is so much pain in the world, but not in this room—not with him in this very moment as everything finally set into place.

rick taught you that home isn’t necessarily a place, it can be a person. & luckily for you both, home is wherever you both are, as long as it’s together.

#andrew lincoln fluff #andrew lincoln #rick grimes twd #rick grimes imagine #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes fanfic #andrew lincoln imagine #the walking dead #twd fanfiction #celebrities #rick grimes x y/n #rick grimes oneshot #rick grimes fluff #rick grimes

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lovingperfectionsblog · 7 months

Text

For What It's Worth -Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Desperate Need For A Second, Secret Plan.

Max Verstappen x Reader

Chapter Summary: How you and Max met is discussed and Max goes off ag Daniel for hitting on the girl he loves.

Warnings: Swearing.

Word count: 2727

Authors note: Posting twice in 1 day? Look at me go!!!! So, I am not currently doing a taglist, because things are a little hectic at the moment but as soon as things even out, I promise I will be adding everyone who has asked to the taglist, but again, no taglist just yet for this series. Can't wait to hear what you all think of chapter 3 😀

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“Max, I know you aren’t one to focus on rumours,” Max couldn’t help the clench of his jaw in anticipation for what was to come, “but we see that your new assistant is the same girl that there has been quite a lot of talk about you dating.” Max could feel the anger rising in his blood, eyes boring into the interviewer. He had been explicit in his requests that you were to not be involved in interview questions.

Ever since the two of you had started your friendship the media had been near bloodthirsty in their attempt to find out information about you and your relationship to Max and from the moment he started seeing the posts and articles that could only be described as disgusting about you, he made sure that he would do everything he possibly could to keep your name out o the media. It was one of Max’s non-negotiables.

But here was this man, bringing you up anyway. Max immediately began turning to look for you. Partly to apologise for this and partly to calm down. He had hired you so he wouldn’t have to be away from you for too long, but one of the added benefits of having you as his assistant was the fact that no one seemed to calm him down the way you did.

The second his eyes found yours, you were signalling that it was okay. This was your way of telling him that he could talk about you here. Suddenly he felt a new stress. What exactly does he say? How does he explain you? He couldn’t give them too much. The vultures would just end up ruining everything for him, but he couldn't give them too little or else they’d never stop badgering him. He had to be strategic. For his sake and yours.

“Yeah, she’s actually my best friend.” Good, easy, neutral ground to start with.

“RedBull let you hire your best friend?” the interviewer began to press for more. Max once again was looking to you, completely ignoring his PR manager next to you. Only worried about what you thought about this line of questioning.

“She isn’t hired by RedBull. She’s my assistant. She’s hired by me.” Max didn’t miss you warning him to keep calm, his PR manager not even bothering while you were there. It was well known already that the only person Max listened to these days was you.

“So how exactly did your best friend end up working for you?” A long time ago Max realised that the reason he hated talking about you in interviews, well, at least one of the reasons, was because he liked to keep you secret. Your friendship was something he didn’t want to taint with the outside world and this interview was slowly encroaching on Max getting angry territory.

“Just tell the truth.” You mouthed to him before he took a deep breath and turned back to the interviewer.

“So, we met in Monaco. She had recently moved over there and one evening when I had gone out for a jog, I ended up running into her, smashing an ice cream she was holding all down her top. Then after many choice words from her, she agreed to let me buy her a new one and I guess we just ended up becoming best friends from there.” You laughed as Max told the story, while although technically true, he gave a significantly more watered down version of your first meeting.

It had been your first proper night in Monaco. You had finished unpacking your boxes and were somewhat settled, sitting in your home all alone and suddenly the full weight of having moved to a place like Monaco, all alone, had hit you and you just had to get out. So that’s exactly what you did. You had founded the nearest store you could get an ice cream and then decided to explore. You ambled along the boardwalk along the beach, it was quiet and secluded and you were about to turn the corner when a body came crashing directly into you, smashing your ice cream between your chest and his, smearing it over the both of you.

Despite how the stranger had grabbed you to stop you falling over and immediately began apologising, the look you had given him stopped any and all words in their tracks. Without another word between you, you scraped the smashed ice cream off your chest and proceeded to wipe it on the man in front of you, feeling that it was only fair. When he eventually asked you if you were okay, that’s when the previously mentioned choice words left your mouth.

Max hadn’t really acknowledged it before, but this was the first time he started to fall for you.

At the end of your monologue of insults, he introduced himself and offered to buy you a new ice cream and he didn’t miss the way you only said yes after he removed his ice cream and sweat stained shirt. So you and him got ice cream and he offered to get you a new shirt, which you declined, but took his hoodie instead and you had both spent the next couple of hours walking around, talking and building the foundations of a friendship Max didn’t realise he would eventually need to survive. He didn't realise a lot of things that evening. Especially the fact that he’d end up falling madly in love with the woman covered in ice cream., or that he’d eventually be sitting here, you in his eyeline, at the Grand Prix, laughing along to the same memory he was trying to downplay to the press.

“After a while, I kind of realised that I didn’t want to be on the road without my best friend and she kind of hated her job, so I offered her a job as my assistant and now I get to spend all day, every day with my best friend.” PR was already well aware of the potential damage control they were going to have to do after this interview. Especially with how Max was looking at you now. They could already see the articles now and they could already hear Max shouting at, well, everyone, to get that off the media, but they couldn’t help but think that if Max maybe was just honest about your actual relationship to each other, then things might just be that much easier for, well, everyone.

“No wonder the dating rumours are so rife for you two.” The laugh the interviewer barked out was short-lived as Max abruptly got up and left the shot, not willing to entertain a line of questioning that he was so adamantly against. Both you and his PR manager let out a sign before you were running after him as PR spoke to the interviewer.

“Don’t start.” Max spat out as you fell in step with him.

“Damn, I wish I knew what I did to make dating me such a bad rumour.” It was meant to be humour, it was meant to make Max laugh, and normally it would have, but with everything happening in the background, that was literally the last thing that Max wanted to hear, because dating you was his only life goal. It was you that didn’t want him.

“I have to go talk to Daniel.” It was the last thing he said to you before he veered off towards the Alpha Tauri motorhome in search of the one person who actually knew what was going on, leaving you standing there alone, confused, hurt and suddenly very concerned he was going to tell Daniel all about your plan. And in feeling all of that, you panicked and ran after him, for the second time in less than 5 minutes.

He stopped as he felt your grip on his arm, “you aren’t going to tell him right?” and suddenly his bad day just got a whole lot worse. He ripped his arm out of your grasp, neither of you willing to divert your gaze. He didn’t want to lie to you, he was already lying about how he felt and who had sent the flowers and if he lied anymore, he wasn;t sure he could keep it all inside, so instead he just decided to not answer you because of course he was going to tell Daniel.

“I’ll see you before FP2.” and with that he had dipped into the crowds to quickly go and find Daniel, to simultaneously want him about what was going to happen and to potentially lay down the law, even more than he thought he already had, when it came to you.

The entire walk to the AT garage Max was trying to figure what he was going to say but nothing prepared himself for what he ended up nearly shouting at Daniel the second the driver opened his drivers room door.

“You were meant to be my friend!” Max shouted as he shoved Daniel back into the room, slamming the door behind him as he moved into the room.

Daniel stood there wide eyed, hands up and shocked at the attack from Max, “Mate, what’s going on?”

“What’s going on? Try last night when you were feeling up the woman I am in love with and eye fucking her across the table!” Max was panting, but the stress of everything over the last 24 hours had finally gotten to him and unfortunately Daniel was unjustly bearing the brunt of that.

“None of that happened? What are you talking about?” He was trying to calm Max down but it was proving difficult when he wasn’t even sure what was going on.

“She told me! Last night, after we were outside, when we walked back in, you had your hand on her lower back and then the rest of the night you couldn’t take your eyes off her.” The words felt bitter in Max’s mouth, accusing his friend of something like this, but he couldn’t help it, it was a runaway stone that he no longer had control over, “and now she thinks you sent the flowers and she’s going to try and seduce you!”

“Seduce me? Why would she try to seduce me?” Now Daniel understood Max’s anger.

“Because she thinks you sent the flowers!”

“So why didn’t you tell her you sent the flowers!”

“Don’t be dumb.”

“I’m not the dumb one here mate. You’re the one who isn’t making the move on the girl you sent flowers to, asked out and are so in love with, you’d rather hire her to work for you than go a day without her by your side!” Daniel was right and Max knew it.

“So why did you hit on her?” Suddenly it was Max the young boy standing in front of Daniel, unsure of himself, self esteem on the floor, just trying to fix a near unfixable situation in his eyes.

“I didn’t. Look, the hand on her back was meant to be platonic, I didn’t think it would mean anything to her, especially considering how she feels about you.” Max seemed to be accepting the explanation, the tension in the room dropping significantly, “and the staring at her, I was trying to gauge how she was reacting to you last night, to see if I could tell how she felt about you, considering you’re the one who said that she hadn’t mentioned to anyone how she does feel. You were right and so I thought this would be a good way to do it.”

“And?” Max made his way to the couch in the room, head dropping into his head.

“Mate, she’s as in love with you as you are with her.” Daniel sat down next to him, forcing him to look at his fellow driver.

“So why is she trying to seduce you?” It was if the frustration in Max’s body couldn’t let him sit still, as he suddenly got up and began pacing

“Firstly, why are we using the word seduce? It’s not a good word.” The groan that left Max’s mouth at the question forced a laugh out of Daniels.

“She used it.” For the second time in too short a time Daniel was staring at a panicked and frustrated Max with his face smooshed up against a wall.

“She used the word seduce?” The groaned yes was the only response Max offered.

“Fucking awful word. Both of you need to stop it right now. Secondly, why is she trying to seduce me and why does she think I sent the flowers?” Max peeked an eye at Daniel and he was oddly jealous at the calm demeanour he was exuding at this conversation.

“So, I might have forgotten to sign my name on the note.” Max mumbled through the sentence, embarrassed at the truth of it.

“You forgot to sign your name on the card that told the woman you love that you love her?” Another groaned yes left Max as he sank to the floor, face now smooshed against the prickly carpet.

“She came to me this morning telling me she had gotten flowers and a note with no name on it and now she’s trying to figure out which driver sent it. She literally has an entire list of all the drivers she's going to try and seduce to see if it was them.” Daniel couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer stupidity of this situation that Max had somehow gotten himself into.

“I assume I’m the first on the list?’’ Daniel already knew how he was going to play this.

“I’m not even on the list.” That sad, childlike version of Max was back.

“Mate, she’s obviously not going to tell you that you’re on the list, especially since you’re her boss.” \

“I’m going to fire her. If I just fire her then all of my issues resolve themselves.”

“You can’t fire her.” Daniel nudged Max with his foot, an attempt to encourage him to get up off the floor.

“Why not?” Max had eventually worked himself into a sitting position, now leaning against the door opposite Daniel.

“Because at the moment you’re how she feeds herself.”

“Do you honestly have to point out the uneven power dynamic here when I am already feeling like the world's biggest creep of a boss?” Max banged his head against the wall, a form of punishment, “What are you going to do when she comes to seduce you?”

The vulnerability of Max in this moment was admirable. Daniel hadn’t seen this version of him for a very long time but he isn’t surprised that it was a girl that brought it out of him.

“I’m going to tell her the truth. That I didn’t send the flowers and I only see her as a friend.” The look Max gave him was near heartbreaking at how thankful it was.

“Promise you’ll be kind right?” He was always thinking of you and only you, even in Max’s greatest moment of stress.

“I promise, but you said there was a list? What exactly are you going to be doing about the rest of the drivers?” Suddenly it dawned on Max how big this issue was about to become, breathe quickening, “hey, hey, don’t stress, listen after FP2 we can meet at my hotel room and we can come up with a plan, but just give me a couple of hours to think of something okay? Mate, I promise, we will get this sorted.” All Max could think about was trying to breath and nodding that he understood and him and Daniel would come up with a plan that absolutely and completely derails yours.

Suddenly both Max and Daniel's eyes were drawn to the knocking on his drivers room door and as Daniel swung the door open, there you stood, with that same smile that made Max weak at the knees every single time he saw it.

“You looking for Max?” Daniel tipped his head in the direction of Max, now scrambling to get up off the floor, as Daniel began to take a step back, moving out of the way for Max, Before your hand wrapping around his bicep stopped him

“No, no, actually, I was looking for you.”

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#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #max verstappen #x reader #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x you #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen fluff #forwhatitsworth #friends to lovers

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arvandus · 3 months

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barbatos headcanons sfw or nsfw? totally fine if not <3 i love anything you write for barbatos <3

Ohhhh man, so many headcanons considering how much space he takes up in my brain. Most of it centers around relationships and, by proxy, NSFW stuff. It ties into what I recall of canon material, but take it with a grain of salt since I haven't finished the OG game yet (I'm on lesson 42 right now). I'm just going to put SOME of them since I have so many. Also, some of these will probably sound more like character analysis than headcanons.

WARNING: MINORS AND AGELSS BLOGS DNI; THIS POST CONTAINS 18+ CONTENT. DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT FOLLOW ME!

My Humble Barbatos Thoughts:

General stuff (SFW):

He smells like warm bread and spices due to all the baking/cooking he does and the tea he grows and brews.

When Asmo painted his and Diavolo's nails to match the brothers (per Diavolo's request), Barbatos let Diavolo choose his nail color for him.

His biggest worry is the mistakes of his past coming back to haunt him by inadvertently impacting Diavolo's reputation by association. If Barbatos's past sins became public knowledge, he would worry about how the Devildom might view him and how that would impact Diavolo.

Because of how incredibly old he is, and the way he seemed to come into Sol's life when he was a teenager (if I recall correctly?), and came into Diavolo's life when he was also young, I see his relationships with them as almost parental/guardian (at least initially).

Which means he probably doesn't really have any truly balanced/equal relationships with those around him, which can cause him to be somewhat isolated. He's there for others, but he's not very willing to let others reciprocate. He believes he needs to handle all of his troubles/worries on his own.

I can see his dynamic with Diavolo evolving into a more equal/balanced friendship over time, the parental/guardian dynamic falling away as he let's go of his protective role. I think this has already happened with Sol, since they seem more friends/equals than father/son (e.g., he allows Sol to have power over him not just in pact, but also with his grimoire); Diavolo is harder because Barbatos still sees the young prince as his responsibility (plus Dia is always trying to sneak out like a teenager 😂).

Barbatos has a LOT of talents and interests; he may be very proper and well-mannered, but he's been around for a LONG time. Canon things we've learned about him so far: he likes heavy metal music, he likes classical music, he is great at ice skating, fangol, and chess; he kills it at cross-dressing and dancing... he's a very diverse individual which tells me he did and tried probably literally everything when he was younger.

He's 10/10 middle-aged adult energy now. He's done everything, experimented with all the things, and now he just wants stability. He's still got some spunk to him and will engage in fun activities (especially for the sake of others), but if he had his way, I think he'd want to relax with his tea, his gardens, and his walks under the stars.

Relationship/Intimacy (including NSFW):

He had plenty of lovers earlier on in his life, but he didn't exactly have a lot of emotional intimacy. He's always been the oldest demon, and when he was younger, that simple fact made him arrogant and he saw himself as always being above others. It drove an invisible wedge between himself and those around him.

He's a greed demon, so I imagine that in the beginning he was more emotionally charged and selfishly motivated.

He has literally tried every kink under the sun moon. Young Barbatos was kinkier, hornier, meaner (due to his arrogance), and likely was not a very healthy individual to engage in relations with. Probably had lots of red flags. Was very free-spirited (our boy was hopping timelines will-nilly);

Young Barb had fuckboi energy, but in a quiet, intelligent sort of way (if that makes sense). He was hard to resist, yet very much untouchable.

As time passed, he mellowed out but also became more reserved. This made emotional intimacy even harder, and sexual escapades grew boring after a while.

Young Barbatos certainly got around, but he only truly fell in love once. But he had to leave that person behind when he made the decision to go back and fix his mistakes. He still thinks about them to this day.

In the past, when he saw the consequences of his recklessness and how it had impacted those he cared about (Dia, Sol) he had a change of heart and devoted himself to fixing his mistakes and to be in service of others before himself.

It may seem endearing and like excellent character growth; which it is, to a point. But it's also reactionary to the harm he caused. Barbatos sees his passions and desires as something toxic, something negative. As such, he sees them as being something that needs to be bottled up and controlled at all times.

Which makes it so much harder to fall in love, and when he does fall in love, it will scare him, because he feels that pull of selfishness, of wanting purely for the sake of wanting it. He has yet to figure out how to find balance within himself (i.e., trust himself), to allow himself to want without letting it consume him, and to give without self-deprivation.

Monogamous or poly? I could see it going either way, although I see him leaning more towards monogamous. It's the greed and also how he isolates himself; letting in one person would be hard, letting in more than one, especially to the same extent, would be nearly impossible. He's a VERY private person.

But poly can also work as long as its established that the relationship is exclusive between him and his partners (no open relationships/flings with outsiders). Poly might also be nice for him in that he can take comfort in knowing that his partners are there for each other when his work keeps him away from them (i.e., he'd hate for his monogamous partner to be alone all the time).

Either way, mono or poly, Barbatos does not like to share. It's the greed in him. They're his, and no one else's.

Barbatos would be very VERY resistant to entering a relationship in the present time mainly because he's dedicated himself to Diavolo. He knows his partner would not be able to be his top priority no matter how much he loves them, and not many people would be okay with that.

Barbatos used to be very sexually promiscuous in his younger years, but now he's completely closed off simply because has a reputation to protect for Diavolo. He doesn't want any jilted lovers/ex-lovers to try to cause trouble for the Prince of the Devildom simply to get back at Barbatos. Also, the man has no time for shenanigans.

If someone does manage to worm their way into his heart, it would be very slowly, over many years without him noticing until he suddenly realizes one day that he'd be lost without them. It'd be jarring for him, to say the least.

Barbatos is canonically VERY romantic. He's a giver, and his love language is acts of service. That includes not only errands/duties/chores/meals/dates, but also physical acts of service (massages, orgasms, etc.).

Loves LOVES to give oral. He loves making his lover(s) putty in his hands (think service dom).

Lots of kissing. So so much kissing. He's gonna worship every inch with his mouth and tongue.

Definitely does have a kinky side, but it only comes out to play with someone he really REALLY trusts.

He'd be down for nearly everything. Bondage, anal, edging, etc. He can even be a mean dom if you ask him really nicely (he needs to believe you REALLY want it before he lets that old side of himself come out to play); however, the only things I can see him having a hard no on would be anything in a public space where there's a chance of being seen/caught (remember he's worried about reputation) and hard degradation via name-calling (sorry, I just can't picture it - he'd respect his partner too much regardless of whatever nasty kinky stuff they do together).

Will most definitely use his tail on himself and his partner(s).

If his lover is human, he'd be constantly keeping himself (and his strength) in check out of fear of hurting them.

He'd be big on consent. He's a master at reading body language; the slightest hint of distress and he's stopping everything immediately. He's not one to lose himself in the moment.

However, this doesn't mean he doesn't have the capacity to be passionate; it's just that his passion can be a bit strong, so he's always worried about overwhelming his partner. But if his partner can handle it, then it'd open up an entirely different side of him.

Despite his capacity for kinky shenanigans, Barbatos's favorite type of intimacy with his partner will be more vanilla and filled with lots of love and affection. So think lazy oral on the bed or couch in the privacy of his room, missionary so he can see your face and feel your legs wrap around him, and you in his lap so he can let you have control and wrap his arms tight around you.

Barbatos is the KING OF AFTERCARE. Baths, tea, cakes, warm blankets, firelight, soft touches, gentle massages, kisses to your cheeks, your temples... and very heartfelt verbal confessions of his love for you.

Will snuggle you tightly after all is said and done.

Loves watching you sleep while he holds you in his arms.

He'd never say it out loud because he doesn't want to burden you, but getting up early each morning and leaving your warmth is the most painful, torturous thing for him.

#arvandus answers #oh god #oh jesus #this got so big I'm so sorry #a;sldfkajd;s #you opened up a can of worms anon #and ALL OF THE HYPERFIXATION SPILLED OUT #barbatos obey me #obey me barbatos #barbatos #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me nb #barbatos x mc #barbatos x you #barbatos x reader #barbatos x y/n #barbatos headcanons #obey me headcanons

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khruschevshoe · 5 months

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Jim and Oluwande got the worst end of the deal. I'd even say they regressed as both characters and partners and anything they had built up in s1 was almost completely stripped away from them. The way they're portrayed together and apart in s2 is not only unlike the characters we saw in s1, but their rich storyline was reduced to extreme side characters used only as plot devices in a way they absolutely did not have to be used. I LOVED them in s1, and I was so disappointed by what s2 did to them and their potential growth, which I think applies to pretty much everything in s2, not only them.

Mind if I piggyback of this ask to go into all my critiques of the handling of Jim/Olu in Season 2? Thanks!

OFMD Critique: Tealoranges, Dropped Storylines, and Wasted Potential

God, the issues I have with the writing of Season 2 extend in so many directions. Jim's character, I felt, was well-handled for at least the first two episodes but then slowly starts skewing wrong as early as episode 3 (I am still chewing glass over the way their reunion scene with Oluwande was written- or, rather, NOT written). Episode 4 was good, but everything after that? Someone said that Jim in the back half of the season feels more like Vico than Jim, and though I do love and appreciate Vico, it's completely true. Jim doesn't feel like the same character we've come to know, whether from Season 1 or even what is set up in early season 2.

And yet, I STILL feel like they're written better than Olu, if you can believe it? So, I haven't talked about this much, but I feel like Olu is done dirty from almost the moment he is introduced in Season 2. At least Jim (through editing alone, but hey, we'll give the show the smallest benefit of the doubt) gets an acknowledgement that they miss Olu during that flashback sequences while they talk to Archie- Olu doesn't even get that. I read about a deleted scene that would have had Pete and Olu desperate to reunite with Lucius and Jim in episode 1 and I feel like that was DESPERATELY needed to make the Season 1 finale -> Season 2 jump make any sort of sense. I like Zheng, but for the love of God, her romance with Olu (which I had my own issues with for the disservice it does both their characters) is not worth destroying the tealoranges build up from Season 1. Just cut something from the first episode or one of the Zheng/Olu scenes from the second episode to make it make sense.

Then, moving onto later in the season- I've posted about how Olu and Jim deserved the grand, epic reunion otherwise 1x10 and everything set up with them in Season 1 doesn't make sense. Could the writers of the show have possibly redistributed some of the glorious cinematography from Ed and Stede over to Jim and Olu? All I need is one shot of their reunion (a proper, emotional one, not played for laughs or friendship or whatever) framed by the sun to parallel Ed and Stede's being framed by the moon and I would have been happy on that front.

And then later in the season...I was down for the poly elements if they could have been executed better. Fanfics have shown that the Archie plot could have been executed well. But the fact that Zheng is straight up NOT MENTIONED until 2x7 by Olu? And then Jim says that he's been pining for her the whole time? I'm sorry, but it doesn't compute. Show, don't tell. There's a reason why I'm down for Jim/Archie/Olu (if executed well), but can't see Zheng/Olu at all.

But of course, 2x7 comes along and we get the "family who fucked" line. And the implication that Olu could have ever left the Revenge without Jim, when in Season 1 he became a wreck because Jim left for A FEW DAYS, much less was FORCEFULLY SEPARATED from him for MONTHS. Then in the finale, at the lupete wedding, they were separated out, him with Zheng and them with Archie, and, well, at that point...I was tired. I'm not gonna lie. Because this wasn't questionable or problematic writing, it just fundamentally DIDN'T MAKE SENSE.

And this is just on a romantic relationship POV. I hated seeing Olu lose his leadership arc from Season 1 and his loyalty to Jim and his nuanced emotional level-headedness/sense of logic. Season 1 really felt like it was slowly building up the idea that the ideal Captain was neither Stede nor Blackbeard but someone a bit more rational, a bit more grounded, a bit more communicative with his crew- someone like Olu. And he gets shoved into the back in Season 2 and reduced to the guy who can't sort scrolls or know that the BOATS ON A MAP MATTER. He gets no influence on plot or major decisions when he was often the voice of reason in Season 1 (we all remember Lucius being a romantic voice of reason in Season 1, but rarely remember that Olu was a major supporting deciding factor in a number of decisions made on the Revenge).

And as for Jim, I wanted more exploration or even just acknowledgement of their trauma post episode-4. I wanted an actual organic continuation of their character arc post-vengeance quest and post-Blackbeard, not just them getting defined by "funny knife thrower with a girlfriend and an ex-boyfriend who they want to get with his crush." They were so much more than that, and it killed me to see the two people who were basically main character 3 and 4 in Season 1 get shoved aside for unneeded subplots about Ricky and Zheng or Gentlebeard's three separate breakups when Jim and Olu's plotline had so much more potential than any of that. They weren't just star-crossed lovers- they were a slow burn ship built of absolutely interesting, complicated, and well-developed characters who brought out the best in each other with a DEVASTATING midpoint to their arc and it honestly would have made a better season not just for them as characters, but for the show overall if someone had just realized that the parallels between a couple that fights and claws to stay together no matter what (tealoranges) and a main ship that was still figuring itself out (Gentlebeard) would have SLAPPED.

(I am now picturing a version of this season where instead of the Izzy fakeout death/Gentlebeard reunion in the beginning of the first episode, we get an Olu/Jim reunion in episode 3 to parallel whatever reunion the writers wanted to slap together for Stede/Ed. I would have actively cried over the Olu/Jim reunion and it would have drastically improved the season.)

#oluwande boodhari #jim jimenez #tealoranges #my asks #ofmd critical #ofmd season 2 #meta #analysis #jim x oluwande #jim x archie x oluwande #rant #just in case #garlicule rides again

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dapandapod · 7 months

Text

Bruises

I realized I forgot to post this on Tumbl! It's about 8,5k and written in one day in a fit of inspiration (helppppp) because I needed that sweet sweet Jaskier whump. Please enjoy this emotional hurt/comfort ish-fix-it of season 2. On Ao3 here

Jaskier never expected to see Kaer Morhen, especially not in the way he ended up seeing it.

The dwarves lead him and Ciri as far as they can, banter and cutting remarks following Jaskier at every step.

Sure, he gives as good as he gets; whatever he is dealt he makes sure to give back, if he can get away with it.

But you can only be hit so many times before it becomes a bruise, no matter how lightly.

And Jaskier is already sore, from years of barbs, from years of being told to “fuck off, bard” or “shut up, bard” or “you are so fucking loud,” and well. It hits harder when it is someone you consider a friend.

Especially when it turns out that friendship was one sided.

The little princess is full of resentment and anger, but trading banter puts a small smile on her face, so he lets her.

If the way to get friendly is to let her tease him, so be it. He knows she needs an outlet for her inner turmoil so it doesn’t fester, so he turns up the dramatics and plays along.

The second to last eve they spend with the dwarves, it suddenly becomes too much. He knows Yarpen isn’t a fan, he knows there is some truth behind his name calling and swearing.

Ciri is sitting across the fire, sharpening a stick with the knife from her boot, looking for all the world like she isn’t paying attention to the conversation around her.

But then one of the dwarves calls Jaskier an ignorant, lazy, useless human, wondering what the fuck he is doing here anyway.

Maybe it is the ale, maybe it is the smoke stinging his eyes, or the years of putting up with it.

Jaskier doesn’t remember which one of them it was afterwards, and it doesn’t matter. His anger flares. He stands up, and the group goes very quiet.

“Have any of you asked me anything of my life? Have any of you bothered to ask what I was doing in a fucking prison cell, why I don’t have a lute, or where I went after you left that fucking dragon hunt with Geralt?”

There is complete silence, only the crackling of the fire and the night sounds of the forest.

“You might think I’m useless, and that I am lazy, and that I’m ignorant. But I don’t have to be here. I have people depending on me, yet here I am. Giving up responsibilities and comforts alike, all for someone who can’t even call me a friend, surrounded by people who clearly don’t want me here.”

He flexes his hands, feeling the blistered and burned skin strain, the pain clearing his head some.

“I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow.” He finishes, picks up his bedroll and his pack, and settles on the outskirts of the camp, by the wagon.

Close enough to be safe, far away enough to get some peace.

It takes a few minutes for the muttering to begin, a few more until Ciri stands up too, and gathers her bedroll.

Until now, she has been distant, and he can’t blame her in the least. Now she settles down just a few feet from him, alongside the carriage.

It is colder here in the north, and neither of them had any kind of proper gear packed for their journey, unplanned as it was. He still drapes his leather jacket over her when he hears her chattering teeth, and settles on his bedroll with just a thin blanket.

Kaer Morhen is all big halls, high ceilings and hairy men. Hairy witchers. Lots of them too, and Ciri runs to greet them with a big smile.

They had found Eskel along the path, guiding them the rest of the way up. Ciri knew some of the way already, but only the paths closest to the keep, so it was a great relief having someone who knew what to avoid and what trails led them past ancient traps and monster dens.

The road was long, and Jaskier can’t believe Geralt thought he would make it here unscathed. Eskel seemed a little concerned as well when Jaskier explained his task, but said nothing.

Still says nothing, now that Ciri is surrounded by witchers, and Jaskier is left just standing there at the edge of the room. He is usually not one to hesitate to introduce himself, but he is tired, hungry, and frankly feeling rather neglected.

Eventually Ciri introduces him to the group, and it takes about three seconds after that to figure out who Lambert is.

Ah, ‘Lambert, Lambert, what a prick,’ indeed.

He is given dinner, a place to sleep, and is shown to the room where they keep a myriad of bathtubs. Lucky for him, there is already a fire going, making the room warm and toasty, and making it considerably easier to warm the water without any signs.

Jaskier can’t lie, he had been picturing hot springs, or anything pre-heated really, especially the shallow pool that had been built in the floor.

A quick toe dip later, and he is never stepping foot in that pool, ever.

His fingers ache when they come in contact with the heat of the fireplace, and he flexes them in an attempt to dispel the discomfort.

Sinking down into a tub at long last is heaven.

Dirt from far more than the road to the keep has had his skin itching, his hair stuck in a permanent curl around his ears, and he longs for his artistic dishevelment once more.

Sharing breakfast with the witchers of Kaer Morhen enlightens him about the many odd manners of Geralt of Rivia.

Watching the other witchers mess with each other explains so much. Unguarded food is immediately stolen, and if given the chance, someone will increase the temperature of their tea all the way to boiling, and then challenge each other to drink it, and so on, and so forth. Brotherly pranks, clearly, but the kind you need a certain set of mutations to deal with.

Jaskier only has his mixed heritage to keep him out of the worst of troubles that technically would be bad news for full humans, but nothing to keep him safe from this, so he steers clear.

Yennefer and Geralt join them that same afternoon.

Ciri runs into Geralt’s arms, and Jaskier remains at the table where he is challenging Coën with loaded dice.

Not until most of the others have gone to bed does Geralt finally approach him.

“Thank you for bringing her safely here.”

Jaskier looks at him for a long while, before replying.

“You’re welcome.” He says finally, and Geralt pats his shoulder. Weird.

After that first day, Jaskier approaches Vesemir while the others are busy.

The way he left things in Oxenfurt doesn’t sit right with him, and he is pretty sure Pricilla is going to assume he is dead if he doesn’t get a message to her soon.

He still has no idea how long he is supposed to stay in the keep, but he writes a carefully worded letter, assuring his safety and asking her to keep singing the Song of the Shore.

She will know what the coded song title means, and he has enough funds squirreled away to keep the entire Sandpiper operation going for a while longer, before he needs to find a way to beg his benefactor for assistance.

Vesemir gives him a long look, and Jaskier offers the letter he is holding, stifling a frustrated sigh.

“You are free to read it. I’m not trying to give away your location, just assure my safety of me and those I left behind.” He says, because he knows.

He spent years in the library of Oxenfurt, and he has read the old tomes that contain what little witcher history there is to find, as poorly depicted as it is. He knows about the sacking of the keep, understands the fear of it happening again.

It still stings.

Vesemir accepts his offer, and opens the letter, reading it over. His eyebrow climbs up his forehead, and he looks at Jaskier before putting it back into its envelope.

“I’ll have it sent.” He says, his mustache twitching when he makes a considering face. “Do any of the others know?”

“About the Sandpiper?” Jaskier asks, and Vesemir nods. “Yennefer knows. She was a part of the last group I sent off, before…” Jaskier stops and takes a breath. “Before. I know how and when to keep things to myself.”

Vesemir nods again approvingly, and takes the letter with him.

No one seems to have noticed the exchange, and Jaskier is left wondering if that is a good or a bad thing.

Things are a bit tense in the keep. Geralt still hasn’t seemed to forgive Yennefer for her betrayal, and Ciri seems to be more withdrawn lately.

Between witcher practice and chores, Jaskier tries to make himself as useful as he can be.

Which is not very, as it turns out, since he is not trusted to be in the lab anymore because of a tiny little tasting incident. Nor is he allowed to help with the patching up the keep. The library is Vesemir’s baby, and Jaskier is sure he is safeguarding secrets of the past there.

So Jaskier just… hangs around. Without a lute, he can’t play, and he probably wouldn’t be able to just yet anyway with his fingers still in their sorry state. The blistered skin has started peeling now, and new soft pink skin has started to show underneath.

He and Yennefer are getting closer, both of them evidently outcasts of a sort.

Especially since none of the other witchers make an effort to get to know them, nor is Geralt paying any kind of attention to either of them. She is the only one who really knows about the firefucker, and nobody has bothered to ask about the bandages.

If she had her chaos, she could have healed him, but she doesn’t, so instead she makes what ointments she can and watches him like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t eat it instead of applying it.

Late summer is slowly becoming early fall, and Jaskier realizes that his window for leaving is ever shrinking.

He doesn’t want to leave, not really, but he has no idea what he's doing here. Geralt hasn't asked him to leave, but neither has he asked him to stay.

Their interactions are short and rarely between them alone.

A lot of it consists of Geralt being nearby when Jaskier is retelling funny stories of their travels, making Ciri smile and the other witchers roar with laughter and the corner of Geralt’s mouth twitch in an aborted smile.

They don’t treat him like the dwarves did, but they clearly don't know why Jaskier is here either, and it is frustrating to say the least.

They seem to appreciate his singing more than Geralt ever did, sure, but sometimes it feels like they use him to annoy Geralt, and sometimes Jaskier thinks it’s working…

Lambert is probably the worst. He is an asshole and excuses it by calling it honesty.

He picks up where Geralt left off after the mountain, poking at every visible sore spot until Jaskier is stinging. Jabs and jibes, poking fun at Jaskier to make the others laugh. Nothing he isn’t used to, but something that makes Jaskier feel uncomfortable when nobody steps in to stop him.

Ciri sticks close to his side after those nights.

She doesn’t say much, doesn’t try to defend him, and he would never ask her to, but she glares at Lambert and asks Jaskier to tell her another story, which he gladly does.

It’s been two weeks since their arrival, and he, Lambert, Coën and Geralt are gathered around the dining table. Most of the others have filtered out to their own tasks or downtime activities, but they linger, chatting and playing dice. Coën stays out of it, still not trusting Jaskier since the loaded dice incident, which Jaskier is immensely proud of.

For the first time in a long time, Jaskier is actually enjoying himself, and enjoying being next to his friend. Maybe, after all this time, Geralt has started to think of him as a friend too.

Until Lambert opens his mouth and ruins it all.

“You are not half as bad as Geralt made you out to be. Or maybe it’s because he made you leave your lute behind at the bottom of the mountain?”

Next to him Geralt stiffens, and Jaskier feels his jaw working.

“Thanks,” is all he says, shaking the dice in the cup one more time before slamming it down on the table a little harder than strictly necessary. Then he stands up and climbs over the bench, very fucking done with the entire conversation.

Behind him he can hear Coën berating Lambert, who pretends he has no idea what he said wrong.

Fucking asshole.

He doesn’t hear Geralt say anything, nor ask about the missing lute.

It’s not that cold out yet, but the air is fresh and crisp on his face when he steps out through one of the side entrances to the courtyard. Here and there witchers are milling about, but Jaskier wants to be alone.

He hurries to the main gate and across the bridge, seeking his solitude amongst the trees on the other side. Technically, it is a bit dangerous to go out alone, but Jaskier is pretty sure no little beasties would dare come close to a monster hunter’s keep in broad daylight.

“Jaskier.” Geralt calls after him, and Jaskier stifles a long line of swears. Still he lets Geralt catch up to him, even if he is decidedly not looking at the witcher.

“Lambert can be such a prick.” Geralt says when he has caught up. “He only wants to rile you up.”

Jaskier notices the clear lack of an apology in there.

“So I’ve noticed. And he succeeded,” Jaskier says shortly, flexing his fingers again.

A bad habit now, but it is better than picking at the sharp, hardened edges of skin that still cling to his fingertips as they heal.

Clearly, Geralt hadn’t thought through what he wanted to say, or he had expected this to be enough. It isn’t. He lingers, still standing there, waiting for… something.

“What do you want from me, Geralt?” He asks when Geralt isn’t saying anything, and turns to look at him. His… friend. The man he has spent far too many years believing he meant something to.

“... I wanted to see if you are alright.” Geralt says haltingly, and Jaskier finally snaps.

“Oh yes, I am clearly alright after being told time and time again that I am annoying, unwanted, useless, loud, and being told by your family that you had made me out to be all those things too, before they even met me.”

Geralt looks taken aback, but Jaskier is not done.

“I’m tired of this, Geralt. I am so fucking tired of this. Not once have you come to my defence, not once have you told them to fuck off.”

“You can hold your own.” Geralt says, frowning, and Jaskier spreads his arm in frustration.

“I can, of course I fucking can! I have to, since not even the man I thought of as my best friend considers me a friend enough to have my back!”

Again, the witcher doesn’t have a reply to that. Fucking figures.

“Leave me alone, Geralt. Before I say something I’ll regret.”

“...Don’t wander.” The witcher cautions him hesitantly, and thankfully returns towards the bridge.

Jaskier stays longer than what is probably advisable. He is just fuming, and he kicks a young tree, making yellow leaves fall down around him.

He could technically blow off steam by sitting down to write, but there would be an audience no matter where he goes in the keep, and he is also not very much in the mood for another Burn Butcher Burn.

That one has done enough damage already.

In the end, it is Ciri who ends up fetching him. She doesn’t say anything about his red eyes and tousled hair, nor the bruises on his knuckles.

“Dinner is ready,” is all she says, and waits for him to join her back across the bridge with the others.

Jaskier takes his dinner and chooses another table far from the big group. Predictably, Ciri joins him, but he didn’t expect Eskel to sit down with them, too. Nor Yennefer. Nor Geralt.

They talk amongst themselves, even if Ciri and Jaskier are the only one replying to Yennefer when she says something.

It makes him feel weird, considering their rivalry all these years.

He knocks their shoulders together and teases her, calls her the worst wife ever. It is worth it for the smile he teases out of her, but he notices Geralt pull in a sharp breath of air.

“What?” he asks, but Geralt says nothing, just stares down at his food.

That evening, Geralt walks Jaskier back to his room.

“I’m sorry,” the witcher finally says after a long stretch of silence that Jaskier refuses to fill. “For what Lambert said. And for what I made Lambert believe.”

Jaskier blinks in surprise. When there is nothing else, he turns towards his door.

“Sure. See you around, Geralt.”

But Geralt stops him with a hand around his wrist.

“Are you and Yennefer… really married?”

Of course. Of course that is what would be on Geralt’s mind. Another sore spot amongst the others on his bruised heart.

“Fret not, witcher, the sorceress is still unwed and free for the taking. She did get me out of a rather sticky situation, though, so if it’s all the same to you, I do consider her my friend and platonic wife.”

With that, Jaskier turns and closes the door behind him.

Fuck, that was not how he wanted this day to go. His eyes sting and he swallows many times and he clenches his fists to keep his emotions in line.

Maybe it is time to leave.

Maybe it is time to go back to where people need and want him. Where he can make a difference. Where he can matter. Where he is enough.

His eyes sting once more, and with a great sigh he heaves himself from where he was leaning against the door and pours himself a cup of water.

He’ll talk with Eskel in the morning. Or Vesemir. Find a way to leave that won’t inconvenience anyone any further.

Leaving is harder than he thought, mainly because now, all of a sudden, people seem to seek his company.

Yennefer keeps appearing, asking him for help with stupid things. Some of them, he realizes, might be a way to regain the trust she broke between her and Geralt, but he appreciates her company it all the same.

Especially since most of it includes making Ciri smile, some other parts of it to make Lambert’s life a little more shitty. Something he is all for, to be honest.

Jaskier is petty when he wants to be, and right now he is the Prince of Petty.

Geralt too, seems to have come to some conclusion. He bites back faster when Lambert becomes too much, or Eskel, or Coën for that matter. In Jaskier’s defence, even.

It’s… weird. Nice, but weird.

And it is tearing at the walls that he spent all summer building.

Jaskier writes another letter to Pricilla.

Vesemir had told him that he will accept no return letter, but there are some strings he could pull if it were really necessary. Since they are hiding from Nilfgaard in a keep deeply hidden away by time and nature, Jaskier respects the need for it, and continues writing his one sided letters.

He is rather used to one sided communication, after all.

When he finally thinks he is about to get Eskel alone, it is not by his own doing.

“I’m sorry, I found a journal without a name, and I looked through it to see who it belonged to.”

Well, fuck.

“Jaskier. You are putting yourself at great risk.”

“And others even more so, if I don’t.” Jaskier replies, knowing exactly what he is referring to. Eskel blinks, then nods.

“I need to go back, Eskel. Before winter comes.”

“It’s too dangerous. The pass will be open for a few weeks more, but you are a wanted man.”

This is news.

“What do you know?” He asks quietly, accepting his journal back.

“I have no idea how you got into the prison cell, but word’s spread that the White Wolf busted you out.”

Fuck.

“That’s not good.”

“I’m sorry.” Eskel says, and Jaskier pats his shoulder, but he immediately pulls his hand back with a grimace. How can one see the spikes on his shoulders, and forget that they are, indeed, spikey?

“Shouldn’t have done that. Why do you keep wearing spikes?” Jaskier says. “ Also, no fault but my own, I suppose, with the jailbreaking and all that. Actually, scratch that, are all witchers allergic to just bailing someone out? Or is it just a Geralt thing?”

Jaskier tries to lighten the mood, but his stomach is sinking and his hands feel clammy. Time to write another letter or three.

“Witcher’s are all cheapskates, I’m afraid,” Eskel grins, but then sobers. “Do the others know?”

Jaskier shrugs.

“They didn’t ask. Nobody asked.”

At the same time, Geralt comes around the corner and spots them, a frown forming on his forehead. Of course.

“Right. Well, if you would keep this to yourself, I’d be immensely grateful.” Jaskier says quietly, and this time Eskel pats Jaskier’s shoulder.

“I got your back, bard,” the scarred witcher says, ironically, and now there is a lump forming in Jaskier’s throat.

Great. Fantastic. Splendid. Amazing.

Without waiting, Jaskier takes off towards his room to hide his journal again. Not to avoid Geralt. Not at all.

The letters he puts together are swiftly given to Vesemir. His eyebrows shoot up again when he spots one of the names addressed.

“Not a friend I would have expected of you, Pankratz.” Vesemir says quietly. “I hope you know what you are doing.”

Jaskier knows. It is a high risk game for everybody involved, with him in the direct line of fire.

“They will have to make do without me for a while.” Jaskier says quietly. “Or so Eskel tells me.”

“Ah, yes. Might be good to lay low for a while. You are welcome to stay the season with us, if you don’t have anywhere else to go, but we expect you to pull your weight.”

Does he have anywhere? Is he really welcome here?

The way Geralt looks at him sometimes, he is not so sure.

“Thank you. Though I might need to make a trip down to civilization soon. Some more clothes, paper and a lute. What kind of bard am I without a lute?” He asks, half joking.

“It’d be better if we sent down one of our usuals.” Vesemir says, scratching at his beard. “A man like yourself is sure to stand out anywhere in these small settlements.”

Was that a complement?

“Was that a complement?” Jaskier says, smirking, and Vesemir huffs goodnaturedly.

“I can see them looking, bard. I have eyes. And ears.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jaskier asks, frowning, but Vesemir turns to go.

“Write me a list of what you need, and I’ll see what we can do.”

Aubry and Coën leave only a few days after Jaskier had written his list. He doesn’t really expect them to find him a lute, but something stringed to play would be nice. It’s rather likely they would find a 4 stringed lute at most, nothing like the one he smashed over that guard’s head, nor like the one he got from the Elven kind that he keeps safely in Oxenfurt.

Frankly, he’s glad that he couldn’t bring one of his nicer instruments.

The temperature changes could crack the wood, if not treated carefully, and it would be hell to keep that many strings tuned. He is pleasantly surprised when there is a knock on his door, and Geralt steps in with a leather case.

“The boys found you something,” he says by way of greeting, and Jaskier stands from his desk to accept the offered case.

He can feel the corner of his mouth tick up, and he wipes his hands on his trousers first to rid himself of stray ink before he dares touch it.

He grips it by the neck, feeling the smooth wood even through the leather of the case, and the gentle sounds of the strings as they are pinched in his grip.

“Oh, hello there,” he whispers to it, and opens it reverently.

She has six strings and a little care package, and she is terribly out of tune. The wood is old, loved, worn out, and he can see clearly where her previous player liked to put their fingers, the lacquer worn or marked to help the unpracticed one.

“What a beauty you are,” he tells her, and from the corner of his eyes, he sees Geralt leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. It almost looks like he is smiling, but Jaskier won’t turn his head to look.

There is a nervousness in him, like when you get to know a new lover. Excitement, fondness, curiosity.

He sits down on the bed, lute perched in his lap, and attempts to tune it. He fishes out the little tuning fork around his neck, raps it on his knuckles, plucks the matching string, and starts adjusting it.

Geralt makes a face; it’s probably not a nice sound to sensitive ears, but he remains.

“Did you know, it's common lutes have as many as 12 courses?” Jaskier says, turning the peg until it feels right.

“Courses?” Geralt asks.

“Strings. Oh, I might need to get this little darling some new pegs eventually, and that string looks a little worn out. We will fix you up, love.” He coos at the lute, and he hears Geralt huff.

“Doesn’t yours have 13?” Geralt asks, and Jaskier looks up, surprised.

“They do, yes.” Jaskier looks down, and his hands suddenly feel a little clammy, his cheeks warm. “The most I have ever heard of is 35, which is ridiculous. One of my old masters in Oxenfurt has one with 19, but I find those are best suited for academic music, rather than music for the masses.”

Geralt doesn’t say anything else, and when Jaskier looks up, Geralt is smiling.

“What?” He asks, but Geralt just shakes his head.

“Just haven’t talked like this in a while. It’s nice.”

That… is not what he expected him to say. Truth be told, he is still a little hurt. He still hasn't received a proper apology from that outburst from Geralt on the dragon hunt, nor any kind of thanks for just dropping everything to come with him again.

“This is going to take a while,” Jaskier says hesitantly, when Geralt doesn’t say anything else, nor move. “Technically, I should look her over first, then tune, but ah, can’t blame a man for being excited, can you?”

Jaskier looks down, puts his tuning fork back inside his shirt, where it clinks against the ring, and puts both hands on his lute.

“I don’t mind. If you don’t mind me staying.”

This is so weird.

Geralt stays, and listens to Jaskier tuning his new treasure. It takes him almost twenty minutes to see that Geralt is holding another bag, most likely one with the requested clothing.

They will have to wait a little more, as Jaskier is getting into position and putting the lute strap over his shoulder.

His right hand already stings a little, the new skin not used to the sharpness of the strings. Jaskier plays a few scales to get to know her, and to get back into it. He plays a little ditty from his past, humming the familiar nonsense words of the warm up song of his early days in the academy.

They don’t know each other yet, but it feels good to play again.

Just because he can, and because he wants to show off a little, Jaskier decides to test her limits. An old lullaby, embellished by the academics and time, harmonies and contrast ringing out in the room.

He smiles, until his index finger stings, and he hisses and puts it in his mouth.

“You alright?” Geralt asks, sitting up straighter from where he finally was sitting on the chair by Jaskier’s desk.

“‘m good,” Jaskier says around the finger in his mouth. “Just a cut. New skin’s not tough yet.”

He takes the finger out, and inspects it. His fingers are red, and the small cut is bleeding a little more than it should. Even his cuts are dramatic, he hears his teacher say, an echo from a distant past in the back of his mind.

“...New skin?” Geralt asks, face blank, and Jaskier looks up at him. The good atmosphere in the room is changing, and for some reason Jaskier feels like it is his fault. It makes him feel a bit defensive.

“Yes, you know, after the old skin blisters after a bad burn? Haven’t played in some time either, so that probably makes it worse, I suppose.” Jaskier can’t help but prod, to see if Geralt will take notice.

“You didn’t tell me about the burn,” Geralt says, his mouth a thin line.

“You didn’t ask.” Jaskier says, laying both hands flat over the strings, looking at Geralt challengingly. Good mood is all but gone now, and he feels that old bruise makes itself known again. This time he is the one poking it.

“Usually don’t have to.”

“Maybe I got tired of our one sided friendship,” Jaskier says before he can stop himself. Fuck, that is not how he meant to say that.

By the looks of it, Geralt doesn’t take it too well either.

He stands up, staring at Jaskier as if he grew a second head.

“Tired?” He says, hands clenching and unclenching against his sides.

“When was the last time you called me your friend, Geralt?” Jaskier says, starting to get agitated. “When was the last time you asked me something, anything that didn’t directly relate to Yennefer, Ciri, or you needing me to do something? When was the last time you apologized, for anything you have said to me?”

Jaskier stands up and puts the lute down on the bed, lest he does something he regrets too. All the words are pouring out of him now, why risk breaking anything but his own heart?

“Maybe I grew tired of being the only one trying.” He grabs his handkerchief to stop the blood from his finger, clenching his hand hard around it.

“Why are you here then?” Geralt spits, and it’s like a slap.

“I ask myself the same thing every day,” Jaskier shoots back, finding himself taking a step forward. “Why am I here, when clearly nobody wants me to be?”

Geralt stares at him, and Jaskier can’t really tell what that expression is.

“Are you leaving?” Geralt asks through clenched jaws.

“Can’t. Apparently there are consequences for being broken out of jail. Especially when it happens to have been by someone like the White Wolf.”

This time, Geralt visibly flinches.

“Didn’t think about that, did you?” Jaskier says. “I was so glad you found me again, I didn’t give a damn about the consequences. I pretended we could start again, maybe you would want me by your side, walking next to you for once, not just trailing behind like some forlorn fucking puppy.”

Jaskier looks at his bed, looks at the oh so loved lute, that had seen so many sets of hands, every scratch and tear a part of a journey.

“Vesemir has allowed me to stay through the winter. Unless you’ve all got something against that. Let me know, and I’ll be on my way.”

Jaskier wishes he wasn’t in his room. Wishes he could just leave. Instead, he has to stand there like an idiot and wait until either Geralt does, or opens his mouth, for once.

“I didn’t realize…” Geralt begins but trails off.

“That actions have consequences, Geralt? That words do damage too? Did you learn nothing from your entire Butcher experience?”

That is a low blow, and he knows it, but he doesn’t feel like being nice right now.

It’s remarkable that Geralt hasn’t blown up at him yet, which in itself is probably not a very high standard to hold anyone against.

“You are still bleeding,” Geralt says eventually, and Jaskier looks down to see that he’s dropped his handkerchief. The witcher bends down and picks it up, grabbing Jaskier’s hand along the way.

Jaskier is too stunned to protest, and Geralt lifts his hand enough to inspect the cut. It’s not bleeding much anymore, but from where it’s placed, it is likely open easily.

Geralt pinches the tip of Jaskier’s finger with the handkerchief, and Jaskier suddenly flashes back to another room, another time when someone held his hand.

It takes effort not to just yank his hand back, his pulse rising and his palms getting clammy again. Geralt looks at him from under his brow, concerned, but Jaskier pinches his lips shut.

“Will you tell me about it?”

“About what?” Jaskier manages when Geralt breaks the stare to reach for some linen Jaskier has been using as bandages every now and then.

“What I missed this past year. How to be your friend. Where we go from here.”

Geralt makes a tight wrap around his finger, to the best of his ability. Not the best place for a bandage, but at least Geralt has experience.

“I can’t tell you where we go from here, Geralt. If you ask, I can tell you about the months since the dragon hunt, but the rest, you will have to figure out along with me.”

Geralt holds Jaskier’s hand in his for a moment longer, neither of them looking at the other. The witcher’s hand is not much larger than his. With a gentle thumb, Geralt moves Jaskier’s fingers, allowing him to see what the firefucker did to him.

“You and Eskel seem to get along,” Geralt says carefully. “Does he know?”

The corner of Jaskier’s mouth tugs upwards in half a smile. Geralt is fishing, but Jaskier won’t say unless there is an actual question.

“Some. He found a journal of mine that I thought I had hidden.”

Geralt frowns and releases Jaskier’s hand. It drops to his side, and they both just stand there in the middle of the room, looking anywhere but at each other.

“You don’t usually hide your songs.”

“It wasn’t a song book.”

“... Can I see?”

Fuck it, why not. Whatever is happening in this room tonight will change things either way.

The new hiding place isn’t really a hiding place, just the drawer in his desk. He hands Geralt the leather bound pages, and Geralt opens and looks through it.

At first glance, it looks like his economic books. Taking stock of things bought and sold, to who and where.

Geralt glances up at Jaskier, who just nods at the book again.

Flipping a few pages, Geralt starts to make connections. When he looks up at Jaskier again, his face is carefully blank.

“You are the Sandpiper.”

“I am.” Jaskier agrees.

“You smuggled elves out of the big cities.”

“Indeed. Don’t worry, I have taken precautions for if I’m not around.”

If he should be discovered. If he were not to come back.

“Jaskier, you are putting yourself at risk.”

“And so are you, every time you take a contract. Don’t you dare tell me it’s not the same.”

“So it’s for the money?”

Jaskier sniffs, glaring at the witcher.

“No. It’s for the people who don't have anyone else to turn to. Because when they run out of elves, they will find new targets. You can’t tell me you took every contract for the coin, I have seen you accept contracts for half of your rate if they can’t afford it.”

“Is that why your fingers were blistered?” Geralt asks.

“No. That’s… something else. Something I’d rather not talk about tonight, if you don’t mind.”

Jaskier knows that if he does, he will spend the rest of the evening wondering if he gave anything away, wondering where Rience is, who else he is burning because Jaskier got away.

Geralt gives the book back, and Jaskier places it back in the drawer.

“Rest your hand, Jaskier. Heal before you play again.”

The room is strangely empty when Geralt has left.

Jaskier sits on the bed, staring at his hands for a long while, until he finally decides to look at what was in the bag of clothes that Geralt brought, and Jaskier promptly forgot about in favor of the lute.

Looking through it,it seems like Geralt might have added a shirt of his own to Jaskier’s new wardrobe.

He shoves it to the bottom of the pile.

Jaskier doesn’t make it down to dinner that night.

After that day, things slowly progress in small steps.

Everything goes to shit, however, when Voleth Meir makes herself known.

Ciri’s body moves at the possessing demon’s will, and she manages to stab three witchers badly before the alarm is raised.

Yennefer wakes him up, pulling him from a dream into a nightmare. She needs him.

Somehow they always need him.

The powers channeled through Ciri’s small body are strong, destructive.

Jaskier is hiding under a table when a large creature steps through a portal, a creature he has never seen before. It sweeps at the witchers, and Voleth Meir laughs with Ciri’s mouth.

It takes Yennefer tearing open her veins for Voleth Meir to finally let go, for Ciri to free herself from the snares her mind had been tangled in.

With a scream, Ciri, Yennefer and Geralt disappear from view through a portal.

Jaskier sees Lambert land on his back, leg bleeding badly after a swipe from one of the creatures still roaming. He pulls him to the relative safety of his table, and tears his tunic enough to wrap Lambert’s leg.

“Thank you,” Lambert grumbles as he gets his bearings, the commotion in the room making it hard to hear. Jaskier just nods, tying the makeshift bandage off.

Finally, it’s over.

And somehow, Yennefer got her powers back.

The days after are a mess. One of the stabbed witchers doesn’t make it, and Ciri has been hiding in her room, guilt ridden, making herself as small as physically possible.

Geralt tries to coax her out, but he still has too little time, too many things to sort out. With her newly regained magic, Yennefer heals who she can, focusing on major injuries until she almost exhausts herself completely.

All the while, Jaskier is left to his own devices. Again.

Not that there is anything he can actually do for them. He isn’t medically trained, nor does have magical abilities.

It leaves him wondering how he survived the whole ordeal at all, and while he feels lucky about it, there is also a morsel of guilt.

So Jaskier finds himself knocking on Ciri’s door. She is reluctant to let him in, but with some honey cake bribes, she finally relents.

This, he knows. This, he can help with.

A young girl, plagued with guilt and fear, struggling to get a hold of herself and what she did, he knows how to help her.

“Not what you did. What your body did, under someone else's control.” Jaskier reminds her between bites. “I might not have gone through what you have, but I know what it is like to feel helpless. Fear and expectations don’t mix well, especially not when a murderous witch is involved.”

They talk a lot, mostly Ciri actually, and maybe they cry a little. After they finish their stolen cakes, and Jaskier has sworn not to tell Lambert, Jaskier brings out his lute to let Ciri play.

It seems she has a basic knowledge, plucking out the chords of a famous love song.

Sadly, not one that Jaskier had written, but at least it wasn’t one of Valdo Marx’s. Which he tells her.

And then she proceeds to play one of Marx’s love songs.

When Geralt finally joins them, Jaskier is chasing a giggling Ciri, who is hugging the lute close, calling her a traitor and a terrible little child, cursing Valdo for tainting her poor, innocent ears.

The first day Ciri dares to join them for breakfast, she hides behind Geralt. Both Yennefer and Jaskier hover, ready to step in between if anyone has anything to say.

They don’t.

Lambert is the first one to approach, bandage and limp both gone, Jaskier notes. He sits opposite of Geralt and Ciri, slamming his plate down, his fork rattling down across the table.

“Hey, it happens. What is a little mind control between friends?” is all he says, then digs into his food with the worst table manners Jaskier has seen in a while.

The tension breaks when Jaskier starts berating him for it, and is met with a mouthful of food telling him exactly where he can stuff his manners.

Ciri smiles when Eskel settles next to her, bumping their arms together.

The others make a toast to the lion cub among the wolves, the one who finally found a way to shut Lambert up. Even if it was by challenging him to stuff his mouth full enough to almost choke.

The first snow falls not long after.

The last letter has been sent, the last visit to the village by the foot of the mountains has been made, and those witchers unwilling to be stuck for the season have left.

It is colder than a grave hag’s asshole, as Eskel declares one day, with Coën immediately wanting to know why he knows that piece of information.

“I am a man of science,” Eskel grins and winks, and Lambert almost spits out his mead.

Ciri and Yennefer are slowly bonding, their first lessons taking place by the giant lake below the keep.

Jaskier takes care of his lute, works on new material, and with Vesemir and Eskel’s help, looks for new routes for the Sandpiper to take.

Geralt finds him more often now, seeking out his company rather than just tolerating it.

For a moment, Jaskier had expected him and Yennefer to fall back into bed as soon as the air was cleared, but if they have, they never said.

Instead, Yennefer spends more and more time with Ciri, trying to work out ways to control her power when they realize just how strong the young girl already is.

Sometimes they all do things all together.

They go ice skating.

They lose a snowball fight, pelted until they yell for mercy.

Jaskier finally learns of the hot springs, much to his outrage.

“You mean I could have dipped into preheated water all along?!” he yells, waving his arms around dramatically, and is rewarded when Ciri snickers, and Geralt bites down a smile.

It makes something in his chest soar.

The walls from the past year are slowly being torn down.

Deliberately so, in fact.

Piece by piece, Jaskier decides to let Geralt in.

It’s not perfect. It’s painful and it’s terrifying to let himself be open to hope again, to trust that there is friendship this time.

When Geralt learns about the firefucker, he is gone for an entire day.

Jaskier has no idea where he went, and he is feeling terribly vulnerable after talking about it, hands shaking and heart racing. Yennefer finds him outside her workroom, and she pulls him inside, cursing Geralt all the way.

“Let him sulk,” she says. “If he can make a hardship his fault, he will. When he gets his head out of his ass, he’ll come back.”

Later that night, Jaskier hears Yennefer rip Geralt a new one for leaving like that, when Jaskier clearly was shaken up and shouldn’t have been left alone.

Ciri learns about the firefucker days after, and angry tears roll down her cheeks when she realizes what Jaskier went through for her, even before they met.

They sit on the bridge outside the gates, feet dangling over the edge. The air is cold enough for their breath to fog, and Ciri’s slightly damp hair to freeze.

Jaskier thumbs her tears away and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

“The whole world could be at my heels, and I would do it all again to keep you safe.”

“Sometimes, I just want the world to burn.” Ciri whispers, and Jaskier tucks her into his side.

Geralt calls him his friend now.

It’s good.

Jaskier gets to borrow a horse, and they go out riding in the snow around the keep. They argue about whose turn it is to do the laundry, and who is the worse cook.

When the window to Jaskier’s room breaks for reasons Lambert and Ciri swear up and down they know nothing about, Geralt simply moves him into his own.

The bed is wide enough for the both of them, which makes Jaskier think of who else might have shared it before him, but he pushes that thought down.

It has no place here, nothing to stand on.

They actually interact less after sharing a room, both of them needing their own space during the day.

They learned that after a vicious fight, where Geralt found all Jaskier’s sore spots once again and pounced.

“Do you ever tire of your own voice?!” he asked nastily, and that shut Jaskier right up.

He slept in the main hall for three days, until Geralt actually apologized.

After that first apology, the rest came a little easier.

They talked about what happened on the mountain. They talked about Jaskier’s past, and Geralt confessed that sometimes, since way before the dragon hunt, he thought Jaskier was only following him for the stories, for the fame it brought him.

It was Jaskier’s turn to apologize, for not seeing that, for not respecting privacy and boundaries set. He realizes he might have been blind to Geralt’s reactions to his songs, distracted with the fame their association granted them.

“But,” Jaskier says,”Not once would I have left you, even if you never lifted your sword ever again.”

To this, Geralt admits to how he always expects to be abandoned, or to be left behind.

“The thought of you leaving, or dying, it’s terrifying. I don’t think I could piece myself together again. So I left first.”

It’s like a kick in the chest, when Jaskier realizes.

That is the first night they actually sleep close on purpose. Geralt is a nasty little blanket thief, but Jaskier makes due by simply curling in close.

Midwinter comes, and a new year grows on the horizon. Darkness grants them a perfect view of the stars above, and the snow a blanket to let the world sleep.

Jaskier still is not allowed to join them on hunting trips, but he is getting good with a bow, under Vesemir’s sharp eyes.

Another sleepless night, another early morning, at the first light of dawn, when the first rays find their way through the dirty windows of Geralt’s room, that is when Jaskier dares to press a kiss to Geralt’s forehead.

Convinced that the witcher is asleep, he leans on his elbow, tracing a wild strand of hair behind his ear. It’s a quick kiss, dry lips against warm skin, making Jaskier’s entire body ache.

This is why he feared bringing down those walls. This is why he withstood the bruises, an armor to keep his heart at bay.

He doesn’t expect Geralt to open his eyes and gaze up at him. Doesn’t expect Geralt to wrap a hand around his neck and pull him down, pressing a kiss of his own to Jaskier’s forehead.

Resting against Geralt’s chest, Jaskier draws in a shaking breath.

“Ask me, Geralt.” He whispers into the dawning day.

“Do you love me?” Geralt whispers back, arms tightening around Jaskier’s back, pulling him closer.

“I do.” His voice wavers, eyes stinging. “Where do we go from here?”

“Wherever we want to. We’ll figure it out.”

“Geralt?”

“Hm?”

“Do you…?”

Jaskier doesn’t dare ask. Too scared of the question, even more scared of the answer.

Instead of replying, Geralt rolls them over.

Now he is the one leaning on his elbows, hovering inches from Jaskier. They are so close, he can feel every breath Geralt takes, see the pulse jump in his throat.

Instead of replying, Geralt kisses him.

A surprisingly chaste kiss, lingering and soothing and earth shattering and heart wrenching.

“I do.” Geralt whispers finally, lips brushing together. “Whatever that will do to us, I do.”

Come spring and the first visit to the village below the mountain, Vesemir finds him with ten envelopes and a small box.

The box is a set of strings and pegs and lute varnish they couldn’t get before the pass closed this winter. Most of the letters are from Pricilla, updating him on what is going on in Oxenfurt and the Sandpiper network, all well coded.

Jaskier realizes he can’t stay anymore.

The world around them is growing ever more restless and chaotic, and the only way to be prepared is to be out there.

Parting with Geralt is harder than it ever was before.

Being alone is dangerous, but being with them is even more so.

He has an organization to run. Stories to tell. Lies to spread.

During the winter, Jaskier came to realize how he can make a difference. On the road, with a lute on his back, in inns and taverns, the way he always did.

As they part, on a crossroad that finally will lead them to part, they stand next to new Roach and Pegasus, arms wrapped around each other and foreheads pressed together.

“Ask me,” Jaskier whispers.

“Won’t you tell me?” Geralt whispers back, making Jaskier huff and smile.

“I won’t make it that easy for you, witcher.” He teases, and Geralt steals a kiss, humming softly into it.

“So I’ll have to come find you then, and ask you to tell me again.” Geralt mumbles against his lips.

Jaskier will hold him to that.

Words held back until they meet again.

The road is long, and full of dangers.

Jaskier hopes it will lead him to Kaer Morhen once more.

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icarusallusion · 2 months

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I think MGSV really robbed us of a Kazuhira and Quiet properly written relationship and really took away a proper characterization of the two, especially Kazuhira as he has already had a good characterization that they took away. In Quiet 's scenario they literally just need to write better female characters, it's so awful.

While friendship definitely didn't have to be how their relationship went, I think some sort of mutual bitter respect between them would have fit, but instead we get a very disturbing take on them with Kazuhira calling Quiet like awful things, talking about killing her, and blaming her for getting attacked.

Quiet is seemingly respectful of Kazuhira and doesn't seem to hold a grudge against him, and Kazuhira is shown to accept people's wrongdoings and still show a respectful professionalism around them in the past. Kaz kinda hates Ocelot and Big Boss (venom snake but kaz thinks it's big boss) in MGSV but still respects them and treats them like a proper coworker.

We can also see this with Paz a little bit, pre MGSV.

Big Boss quite literally kidnaps him and talks about doing horrific things to him if he doesn't join, months later he's in love with him as a legend and then in MGSV a character that minorly inconvenienced him is suddenly his mortal enemy, it just doesn't make sense to me.

Not to mention Ocelot and BB were both part of Zero, worked with and for him, but we never truly see Kaz get angry with them for this.

Kazuhira understands throughout the games the manipulative pull Zero has on people, but when it comes to morally wrong female characters they aren't written.. good. In turn, they write the male characters that attack them bad as well. Taking Kazuhira and making him someone who's just angry all the time and so easy to hate for newer players was awful to me. I loved him in Peace Walker, traitor and all. However, I see new players blindly playing MGSV as their first game and DESPISING Kazuhira because they haven't seen him in his proper characterization, haven't seen him outside his dehumanization of Paz and Quiet and his overall anger.

AS WELL AS HOW HE TREATED PAZ, it was so weird to me. Obviously he's angry but even before they found out Motherbase was destroyed Kazuhira rants and rages and calls her a bitch and other like shitty things and it was so weird to me. Because in Peace Walker, he literally admits he's in the wrong for even letting Paz on the base in the first place, post her betraying them horrendously, Kaz still speaks with some fallen foe respect towards her

But then when it comes to Quiet, Kaz participates in the dehumanization and ridicule of her while also ostracizing her from everyone else. Strangely enough the only characters we see really hate Quiet are background Diamond Dogs soldiers, they don't build any reason to hate her for the player which just makes Kaz look crazy. From a non meta point, to not have Kaz have at least some decency towards Quiet when nobody else really has a problem with her except the soldiers was weird.

It felt like his deep rooted hatred with Cipher was just squeezed into a character, because the lack of proper expanding on Quiet really felt even more uncomfortable when all we got was ass shots and dehumanization especially.

I think MGSV could've been a good game if it didn't try and take itself so serious. The seriousness of battle overshadows the time spent with Quiet and with Kazuhira and literally every other character that could've been properly expanded on.

I love MGSV, I love Metal Gear in general. However, it fails it's characterization so much, more especially in modern games like Revengance and Phantom Pain. They are good games, but when all the women are written as rage bait without any proper reason to hate them at all, it sucks. When characters in general regardless of gender are destroyed of their former written self, it sucks. I could go into this with so many other characters but I couldn't stop thinking of Kaz and Quiet and how they come directly from the lack of proper female writing as well as the lazy writing that really spoils MGSV for a lot of people.

#kazuhira miller #mgs #metal gear solid #quiet mgsv #hopefully this makes sense and i didnt get anything wrong lol

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lets-try-some-writing · 1 year

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Hi! So this isn’t exactly a request, more or less me just sharing thoughts/rambling. So it’s common knowledge that humans pack bond with damn near anything that they find cute, right? It’s human nature, to just look at a cute delivery robot and go “yeah, this is family now”. And I think this is a double edged sword because that’s what causes things attachment issues and the like.

How do you think team prime would react to something like this happening with the trouble trio? Like the kids eventually (inevitably) look at them and decide that these giant robots are their family and they will NOT let them go. Would the bots be confused? Or would they accept it and move on with minimal questioning. Personally I think that at first it would be awkward until the bots learn of how humans work, and then they realize that this is just how people work, and they accept it with time.

I think it has some really good potential for both fluff and angst.

Anyways I really love the blog! I’ve been reading a lot of your posts and all of them are very nice to go through and think about! :D -🦌 anon

OOooh! I really really like this thought. The human kiddos getting attached and the bots having to figure out how to manage that makes me happy. And thank you anon for your kind words! I am glad you like my posts!

Cybertronian Views on Relationships

Cybertronians are functionally immortal, they do not die from any sort of frame deterioration except in rare cases, and their sparks blaze on until forcefully extinguished. As such their views on some concepts are rather skewed to match up with their long lifespans. Time is one of those things, they simply do not see it the same way as humans. Days are fleeting moments, weeks are little more than a flash to them, years are but months in their view, and vorns are the closest they have to an actual measurement of time that matters. They see everything in a far longer view, planning for centuries into the future more often than not.

Despite the war forcing their views on time to match those of humans more closely, their ideas regarding friendship, family, and other bonds have not changed. Bonds are a sacred thing, they are not made in a day nor do they break easily. It takes years for a sparkling to bond to their Caretaker despite the Caretaker in question doing everything to love and care for them. While other species may find it strange, for Cybertronians it is completely normal since the sparkling does not have any actual relation to them prior to a bond forming. Not only that, but if the sparkling and Caretaker do not match it would be terrible for them to be stuck together when it clearly does not suit either party. They have eternity ahead of them, having a good family is more important than any benefits an immediate bond may bring. Unlike species who reproduce on their own and have an instinctual bond with their offspring for survival reasons, Cybertronians, while still feeling affection for their young counterparts, still need to put in effort to bond with their sparklings.

Friendships take even longer to form, anywhere from vorns to centuries. Cybertronians naturally tend to group together, its part of their code, a way to ensure they survive. And so they can easily be amicable with one another, but a proper friendship does not form until two bots can safely determine that the other is a good match for them. This can happen rather quickly if both save each other or prove through action that they are a suitable partner in a survival situation, forming a bond of necessity. This was common during the war and allowed the Autobots and Decepticons to form bonds fast enough to actually have a sense of comradery. But when not forced due to stress or other factors, friendships form through shared ideals, functions, or simply a harmonization of sparks. Take Ratchet and Optimus's relationship for example. Both were from wildly different castes and functions, neither having particularly close ideals outside of their wish for freedom for all, but with time they formed their bond.

Romantic relationships are not really a concept that Cybertronians are familiar with, at least not in the sense that organics are used to. They have no sexual drive since they do not reproduce through intercourse or other methods involving the union of two individuals. The closest thing Cybertronians have to a romantic relationship is an evolution of an Amica bond (the bond that forms between close friends), that being Conjunx Endura. Even then it isn't really a marriage, more like a shared habitation where both bots trust the other with their lives and to make decisions in their stead. They may be more affectionate with their Conjunx than with their Amica or other friends, but ultimately the bond is like the highest form of companionship instead of a marriage. Simply put, Cybertronians just have a different view on relationships as a whole.

As such when the children walked into their lives, it was rather awkward for a while due to the differing views of the bots when it comes to bonds. Especially with PDA and such not really being something Cybertronians do for various reasons.

The Children's Attachment

When the children became the Autobot's charges, they expected very little to change beyond the chaos that was guaranteed to come from human sparklings running about. At most they were prepared to have stress induced friendship bonds form between themselves and the children. Even though Optimus was near desperate to coddle the human sparklings he kept himself controlled as always and life went on as normal. That was until the children began getting all touchy feely, behaving in a manner around the bots that was reserved for Amica bonded or Caretakers and their sparklings on Cybertron.

It started with Miko. Her family life was less than stellar and so she quickly took a liking to Bulkhead who came to be an older brother/fatherly figure for her. She started hanging around him more than any of the other bots, and that was fine, in fact it was a normal starting point for any set of bots looking to possibly develop a friendship. Bulkhead didn't mind and the team didn't bat an optic, it made sense for Miko to begin attempting to bond with her guardian if only to make their time together more tolerable. But then she started getting all affectionate with Bulkhead, dragging him out to do things with her, giving him gifts, and even giving him the odd kiss on the cheek. And that baffled the entire team, not just Bulkhead who could only stand around in confusion and embarrassment from the mixed signals he was getting. Did Miko want an Amica bond? Was she trying to tell Bulkhead she wanted him as her Caretaker? Or was there some strange human nuances he was missing?

It was odd, but the team tried to chalk it up to Miko being Miko, that was until Rafael got in on it. He started purposefully checking in on Bumblebee, becoming a bit of a mother hen while also spending nearly all of his free time with the scout. This was once again seen as pretty normal for Cybertronians looking to bond, after all, it made sense for Rafael to want to spend time with Bee to see if he was a good match. But just like with Miko, he started getting more intimate, joking and playing around with Bee in a manner reserved for close friends or even Amica bonded. He carefully made stickers for Bumblebee to wear on his armor and went out of his way to try and find a way to fix Bumblebee's voice when nothing else was on the agenda. It was odd behavior and once again, sent very mixed signals. It certainly didn't help when Rafael began mimicking Ratchet and following him around, much like a sparkling would with a potential Caretaker.

Eventually even Jack started becoming far more affectionate than what the bots were used to and expecting. He worried for Arcee, fixing up her paint for her and playfully teasing her in fun banter. He gave her small gifts and took the time to teach her things about human society. This only served to drive home to the bots just how odd the human children were and made them begin to panic slightly due to the incredibly mixed signals. Arcee couldn't figure out what the heck Jack was trying to do with his interactions. Did he see her as a potential Caretaker? If so, why was he teaching her things? Did he want an Amica bond? But if that was the case, why was he allowing her to take care of him as she would a youngling? Not even Optimus was exempt from the children's confusing affection. All three of the children also made sure to offer him some love too, giving him little gifts in the form of small trinkets and constantly pestering him to play/assist them in something. It warmed his spark, but also left him just as confused as the rest of the team.

Of course it never occurred to the team to just ask what the children wanted outright because why would they? They were millennia old, they were pretty sure they understood what the children were asking of them with their actions. Hence began the team's very dysfunctional attempt to try and match whatever they believed the children wanted of them. It was awkward and felt rushed to most of the team, but they did try their best. And upon doing some additional research they came to understand somewhat the driving force behind the children's behavior. Apparently humans are pack type species and rapidly form and break bonds as a means to survive with their short lifespans. Hence their (not so sudden) sudden affection in the optics of the bots. So despite their own reservations and the blatant disregard for the normal order of things on the children's part, the team did their best to bond in whatever capacity the children seemed to want.

Bulkhead did his best to try and respond to Miko's affection with a more fatherly approach. He tested the waters carefully, doing his best to not pressure or overstep while still attempting to take on a parental role in her life. When he found no objection from Miko in response to his minor worrying and slightly more authoritative tone with her, he pushed things up a notch, feeling pretty confident in his choice to try and become her secondary Caretaker since her parents weren't available. When Wheeljack arrived and was met with similar levels of affection from Miko, he took one look at Bulkhead and followed his lead. In the end Miko did not realize it, but she gained two very very overprotective fathers. With Bulkhead being the more reasonable one, constantly checking on her to make sure she does her work and fuels properly and Wheeljack adding a little bit of chaos while also being the one to dole out punishments when needed. It has never been anything worse than having to stand in the corner or sit up in the rafters with no way down without help, but still Bulkhead frets.

Bumblebee took Rafael's concern and more understanding approach to mean that he was working toward trying to gain an Amica bond with him. It was surprising, and since he had never been presented with such a situation before, Bumblebee went to Optimus for advice on the subject. And so soon after Bumblebee took to doing what a good potential Amica should do according to Optimus, that being trying to understand and connect to his possible best friend. He took the time to listen, learn, and discover everything he could about Rafael without being a creep and digging through his files (that would break the rules, a good Amica doesn't do that). He spent as much time as possible with Rafael, having discussions and trying to bring them closer. And in the end, Rafael, much like Miko, had no idea when he gained himself a similarly very very overprotective brother and friend. No one touched Rafael without Bee being there to drive them into the ground before they could so much as lift a finger. Rafael was his friend, his potential Amica, no one was allowed to harm him so long as Bumblebee lived.

Ratchet saw Rafael's mimicry and overall interest in him as an obvious cry for a Caretaker, and so believing himself incapable of being incorrect on that front, did not even hesitate to begin the bonding process. When Rafael wasn't with Bumblebee, Ratchet took him and carried him around in one of his servos or on his shoulder, taking the time to answer all of his questions. Ratchet would check Rafael regularly and sing on a pitch too low for human ears but most certainly meant to calm a sparkling. He would also carefully listen to everything Rafael said to him, taking note of anything that could be bothering his little one. Anything at all that upset Rafael was tended to by Ratchet. A wound? Ratchet would tenderly put a band-aid on it and give Rafael a little treat he had June buy for him. Trouble at home? Ratchet was always there to listen and quietly coo at his small human sparkling, reminding him that he is loved. In the end Rafael got himself a highly devoted Caretaker, willing to do just about anything for him even if the medic in question refuses to acknowledge it.

Arcee took a lot longer than the rest of the team to figure out what the pit Jack wanted from her. He treated her like an equal, bantering and playing but still looked to her for care. And that confused her to the point of leading her to also go to Optimus for consultation. His advice was to try taking on a more motherly role and see how Jack felt about it. And so trusting her Prime, she did as advised, and surprise surprise, Jack didn't seem at all concerned if a little irritated at times. Seeing this Arcee rapidly took on the role of a secondary Caretaker for Jack. While he had his mother, he did not have a father, someone to protect him. So Arcee stepped up, becoming a more masculine parental figure for him, teaching him the things a father normally would have to the best of her ability. She even went so far as to look up things like how to tie a tie and how to change a car tire just for Jack since no one else was going to teach him any time soon. Of course she still mostly kept to a more feminine role when it came to Jack's care, but when required she took up the mantle his father left behind. And just like Miko and Rafael, he had no clue when he ultimately gained himself a doting parent ready to murder and hide the bodies of his enemies for him.

As for Optimus? He was perfectly content to take on the role his position as Prime offered him. On Cybertron, while sparkling had primary and secondary Caretakers to handle a majority of their needs and education, there was always a more communal effort involved. In small select groups like Optimus's team on earth, there was always a head to the clan that formed. There was always a protector and elder guide for all the young bots under their care. And in the team's case, that was Optimus, that with him being the Prime and old as dirt, being bested only by Ratchet in age. And so in light of this and his own desire to care for sparklings, human as they might be, Optimus took on the role of the clan guardian. He taught the children whenever there was time, teaching them important life lessons through simple tales and stories. He regurally sat them on his shoulders and sang to them songs of Cybertron and the history of all that his people held dear. He told them the history of the Cybertronian people, taking care to ensure the children learned well and grew up strong as a Prime should. And on top of that, he often made the children small gifts in return for their own, ranging from talismans to interesting objects he found on patrol.

In the end, the team bonded to the children, their attachment being far greater than anything the human children could have even conceived with the sacred status associated with bonds. As such, any and all attempts to touch the children by MECH, the Decepticons, or anyone else was met with immediate and sharp retribution, even being detrimental at times.

Bonds

Bonds are sacred, they mean everything to Cybertronians. When they form, they are often for life, never to be broken save for the most brutal of betrayals. The children did not understand this in large part due to the culture difference. As such when the bots began growing more aggressive and less content with things going on in the children's lives, they could not comprehend why.

Every single time Jack's bully turned up to harass him, Arcee had to struggle to keep herself from pommeling the brat. Jack was her boy, he was so kind and loving, he did not deserve to hear the slag coming out of the mouths of his peers. Bumblebee often found himself growing paranoid whenever Rafael was away from base for more than a day or two, wondering if something had happened to his potential Amica. He paced, concerned beyond words that something had happened, or worse yet, that Rafael had found him unsuitable for an Amica bond. And any time some kid tried to bother Rafael while Bumblebee was there waiting very nearly ended in bloodshed if not for the constant fear of discovery looming over his helm. Bulkhead and Wheeljack had many many profane words in store for Miko's foster and biological parents. How dare they leave the lovely girl alone! How dare they never give her any affection! Miko's quiet cries in the dead of night where she called out for her parents always tore Bulkhead and Wheeljack's sparks to shreds. They wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but instead all they could do was shower her in affection later as they knew interacting with her in that state would do no good.

Ratchet regularly contemplated just straight up kidnapping Rafael after he took a closer look at his home life and saw just how little his parents cared for him. Did they not know that sparklings were a rare and wonderful gift? Downright disgusting in his book. And when it came to a Con touching Rafael, Ratchet's normally calm demeanor went flying out the window, nearly leading him to kill a few Vehicons in rage. No one touched his sparkling. Optimus was not any better. If any of his little ones were touched, grown (Bumblebee) or otherwise (the children), he would not hesitate to destroy the perpetrator, primely duties be slagged. And much like Ratchet he tended to consider the possibility of up and adopting (stealing) the children, perhaps even finding a way to get them proper Cybertronian frames. His little ones needed to live long lives after all, Optimus would not stand for anything else.

Knowing all this, MECH really shouldn't have expected anything aside from an outright slaughter when they took the children. Even Autobots have breaking points..

#maccadam #transformers prime #transformers #optimus prime #ratchet #arcee #bulkhead #bumblebee #rafael esquivel #jack darby #miko nakadai #cute family feels #cybertronian culture #this was a long one #but goodness I cannot get the idea of the bots just losing it out of my head #touch their little ones and say your prayers cuz you about to meet your deity

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phoeebsbuffay · 7 months

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Imagine “Star Wars” special edition: movies.

•Black, Red, Royal•

Imagine you and General Skywalker don’t get along at all, but for the sake of the Republic, you are forced to appear to work well together…Part II.

Warnings: based on “Red Blue Royal” movie.

Warnings 2: fluffy, light/comfort reading; bits of drama.

Warnings 3: *long* post.

***

• Anakin’s POV.

He is baffled by how all of suddenly you run away like that. Part of him is frustrated for your behavior, but another understands perfectly well.

From former rivals, you’ve begun to go further these lines. Friendship is not exactly what he aims now when it comes to you. And when reading your unspoken thoughts, he knows you are feeling the same.

But he is afraid of losing you as much as you are scared of knowing he is not loving anyone after the thing he had with Padmé Amidala ended… and not in the friendliest terms.

How could he tell you about her, how he was hurt by her actions? How could he tell you how intense he is? He wants to give all of him to you, knowing you deserve it, but damn… Anakin hesitates.

Watching you go is simply not enough, though. Specially now when is about to rain and the Jedi must not let you alone by any means. However, as he mounts his horse and rides after you, the male realizes he cannot live under shadows for so long. The idea of losing you is a weight he cannot bear.

Not anymore.

Anakin finds you after looking for your thoughts. The insecurities, the fears…sentiments he’s been familiar with come right to crush him. Because he knows he could dissipate them. But he never did.

You stupid moron.

Sighing heavily, it’s comical, when not tragic, this is the way he finds to love again. When seeing your fragility, displayed to no other’s eyes but his, he comes to his senses.

“Y/N…”

“You should not come over”, you tell him in defiance, refusing to look at him. “Go away, Anakin.”

“I am not”, the Jedi snaps back. “First of all, I cannot leave you like that: did you forget of your position? Second, would you please act in a more mature way and hear what I have to say?”

You may be proud, but not unreasonable. As you slowly turn, you find him standing right before you. Underneath some cork tree, you are oblivious to the storm forming not far from where you are.

“You are right. That was not proper of me to flee like that”, you admit it, though you avoid his eyes. “I just… I panicked. I’ve never been here, it’s an unknown path for me. All my life I’ve been taught to live by duty, to die for duty. But if duty must be the death of my liberty, of the way I think and feel, I am not prepared to be sacrificed. And there is another factor. I…”

You swallow hard, feeling your shoulders shake. Anakin, however, comprehends you more than you think. He soothes you, rubbing his hands around your arms before lifting your chin so your eyes meet.

“Don’t speak. I know. I understand… But if only had you not been so headstrong, woman”, he smiles and so do you. “I’ve been with Padmé Amidala for some while, yes, but we didn’t work out. She was the first woman I’ve loved and when we parted ways, I was really upset.”

That way, he opens up with you. When he does, Anakin sees you softening, listening attentively, at the same he can hear your thoughts, how sorry you feel for him.

By the time he ends, though, rain is already falling.

“Anakin… I’m really sorry.”

“So was I for a while. It has been some good years, I needed to move on”, he gently strokes your cheek. “Looks like I finally did.”

Your heart skips a beat and though you unconsciously draw your body closer to him, Anakin can still see insecurity playing behind your y/c eyes.

“I will not hurt you, love. I promise.”

You relax your shoulders before locking your arms around his neck. Ignoring the drops of rain that fall over your head, you tip toe before finally kissing his lips.

***

• Your POV.

When you get to the palace later, both of you are soaked. Thankfully there are not so many people there present to see the scene. Nonetheless, you are still all over him, never tired of kissing his lips.

“I love you”, you profess your sentiments ardently. “My general, my knight.”

He smiles at you. It is such a sight to behold, you make no effort in hiding how you feel. His blue eyes are so inviting…

“I love you, my princess”, he takes your hands and kisses each. “Thank you for bringing me back to life”.

It’s all good indeed. For now, though. After you part ways, there is a meeting happening. Not just after you come clean from your bath, now dressed in green, you are rushed to the main room. There, you are waited and judging by their grave faces, you expect the worse.

“General Grievous has landed here”, Anakin tells you with no ceremony. “You must go right away, my lady.”

“Go?”, you pale before the suggestion. “Go where? I cannot abandon my planet when my own position is weak!”

“There is no other option, Madame”, intrudes the Prime-Minister. “The Jedi is leading you to a safer place. General Rex staying to fight such an enemy.”

You exchange pained looks with Anakin, but he doesn’t show any emotion, a wise move you try to follow. But due to your reluctance, you are told:

“Madame, we need to preserve you. There is little to be gained under an attack. Maker forbid, but if Grievous takes you, we are no more. Your mere existence means resistance.”

“Very well, then. I will do what I can. Where should I go to?”, you ask cooly.

“We must leave right away”, says Anakin in a tone that doesn’t accept any argument. “I shall not leave any instructions to where we are going for obvious reasons. However, Rex is my right hand here. I am counting on you to gather the best men and delay Grievous as much as we can.”

“We won’t fail you, Sir”, says Rex.

What happens next is all too fast for you to process. You leave one lady in waiting behind so the poor woman is disguised as you to fool the enemy in case there is an invasion of the palace. All the whilst you are taken like a fugitive under a black cape to Anakin’s ship.

“We are doing for you and your planet”, Anakin breaks the tension as he carefully helps you going inside the ship. “Hence what I was designated for: to look after you.”

You agree, albeit reluctantly. Soon, you take your seat and wait as he starts to pilot away from all you’ve ever known.

***

• Anakin’s POV.

He doesn’t appreciate when you are silent. When you are quiet, nothing seems to fit well. He prefers to hear you babbling, speaking about nonsenses that having you staring out the window in sad contemplations.

Right after he told his master about the current situation of your planet, Anakin decides to make you chatty again. He thus chooses a topic that, although he hopes not to get you overly upset about it, will make you talk. And he does like to hear you talking.

Though since he stepped in planet Y/C, he already knew your background, the Jedi wants to hear from your point of view.

“So, what’s with the need of getting yourself married to preserve the crown?”, Anakin inquires, a smirk popping on his lips when perceiving he gets you smiling quietly. “I mean, do you have any suitors already?”

You sigh.

“I don’t know yet, to be honest with you. At least, where marriage is concerned I was permitted to choose my consort—as long it proves to be a decent choice”, you grimace. “My Council states I’m in the prime of my age so I must not take long to get married and produce an heir.”

“How so?”

It’s when you tell him about how you come up to the throne. Your parents descended from a long line of princes who always had a good relation with the Galactic Senate. However, when your father passed the throne to his eldest son, a civil war erupted—mostly because he married twice, and one son’s claims did not recognize the other’s. Whatever it was, the eldest was the victor and reigned for many years.

But when you were 15, the clonic wars had started and it did not take long before your brother went to fight it—only to get him killed in the process. You thus inherited his crown, and have been the princess since then.

Ten years have passed, but now there’s a growing concern that the royal lineage doesn’t die with you and is interrupted by moving to a distant cousin.

“I’m sorry about that”, Anakin muses. “It’s a lot of pressure to put on you.”

“I’ve been delegating these matters for a while, eventually aware this would come to surface”, you shrug.

“But what are your thoughts about marriage? Have you never fell in love with anybody?”

“I have, but they were not suitable choices”, you tell him rather peacefully. “They live in the past now.”

“But why weren’t they?”

You smile at his curiosity.

“They were not aristocratic enough.”

“Oh”.

“Oh indeed.”

You two share laughters. After that, Anakin felt compelled to talk about his relationship with Padmé in other perspectives. It feels good, he thinks, to speak about the past without feeling the weight of it.

“I hate to break the gossip moment”, says Anakin. “But we arrived.”

“Where are we?”, you inquire, eyeing lots of floresta and great buildings so different of what you are used to.

“Alderaan. The Organas allowed us spending some time here. They are not present at the moment, but left one royal residence for us to stay until the situation in your planet is resolved.”

Anakin notices you are anxious to get yourself comfortable and get to know the new surroundings, already feeling strange by it. Once he lands the ship and helps you out of it, he ensures to make you feel easy about it.

“Everything will be all right, princess. I am not letting you go. Do you trust in me?”

“I do”, you speak confidently, earning him a side smile.

“Good. I like your conviction.”

But before he leads you inside, Anakin feels his hand being pushed. He turns and smiles at you.

“Yes, love?”

“You are staying with me, aren’t you?”

Anakin knows what weights under your words, even if you are not entirely sure about them.

“Yes, darling. I will.”

Saying so, he kisses your forehead.

***

•Your POV.

You are too agitated to fall asleep. These are new chambers that you were allocated to, and as comfortable they are for someone of your rank, they are not yours. The bed and the sheet are different.

You glance up at the white ceiling, thoughts running in the back of your mind. You don’t wish to feel rude or ungrateful, but homesick is a heavy burden that takes your sleep away. Specially when you remember all too well when your brothers fought one another and in short period of time they died, leaving you alone in this world.

You had your ladies, most of whom had served your mother and played a maternal figure to you, but they are gone. You had your political council, but are they trustworthy?

You turn in your bed again and again. Then you decide to see whether Anakin is awake: his bedchamber is close to yours, linked by one door and a small corridor. You tiptoe discreetly, sliding in and ensuring no sound is heard when…

“I know you are there, Y/Nickname”, his voice startles you. “There is no need to be discreet. I’m wide awake.”

As you enter his quarters, you find him dressed in pajamas with a hologram in his hand and a book in another. Upon the look of confusion evident in your face, he explains:

“There was a book left here for my leisure and since I couldn’t sleep, I went for it.”

“What about the hologram in your hands, though?”, you ask, leaning against the wall as your eyes scan him.

Anakin’s hair is growing and there are some curls already dropping in the back of his neck, giving you a sight to behold. His eyes show some tiredness, but you can spot the restlessness too. Yet when he side smiles at you, you are pretty sure your knees go weak.

“My Master called me a few minutes ago and we catched up a little.”

“How’s Ahsoka? Is she the one mentored by you?”

“She is, she is. Now, Y/N. Why are you up, standing there?” Anakin pats a seat next to his side and you easily obey him. “Couldn’t you sleep yourself?”

“No, for some strange reason, I couldn’t”, you say. “There are so many things going in the back of my mind…”

He puts an arm around your shoulders, rubbing your arm gently before saying:

“This will pass. All of this, I’ll be sure of it.”

You side smile at him, avoiding his gaze for unknown motive.

“Yes, but I’m scared of what’s happening after it ends.”

“Look at me, princess”.

He lifts your face, making sure you do as said. When you contemplate those blue eyes staring into your y/c ones, you feel instantly drowned, pulled magnetically towards him. Slowly, you turn all of you to him, so one stays in front of the other.

“I love you. I will not let go of you, regardless of how this ends”, Anakin vows it firmly, sounding more possessive than he likes to admit.

As much as you enjoy it, you cannot deny the facts that you are forced to expose:

“But Ani, I am expected to…”

“To be married to someone of a good rank, I know.” His smile spreads. “I told you, Y/N, I am not letting go of you.”

Your face goes instantly pink at what he’s leaving subtle.

“Ani, you cannot possibly be serious.”

“I am”, he assures you, smiling widely. “I should be more romantic, but current situation prevents me so. On that aspect, Y/N, princess of Y/C, would you accept to be my wife?”

***

• Anakin’s POV.

When the time is due, he awaits at the aisle with Senator Organa by his side. It’s a small, very discreet ceremony with no pomp whatsoever. He is dressing sober robes, heart racing at the thought of seeing you.

No, not only seeing you, but making you his wife. Mrs Skywalker. It has a ring to it, he secretively smiles at himself for it. Indeed it is a ceremony that not even Obi-Wan is aware of—certainly he’d be judged for his bold moves in daring to espouse you, but there is the particular detail about Jedis being forbidden of forming romantic attachments.

Since Padmé, this is a rule that has not been applied to him correctly. But it’s been properly broken when you tamed his heart, when you got all the pieces and joint them together again.

So he waits, anxiously so. The Jedi rewinds in the back of his mind the moment Organa encouraged him to pursue the true delights only a genuine love would provide him after witnessing the way Anakin looked at you.

“We live in days of war, young man. You don’t want to collect any regrets.”

It’s been an incredible journey that got you this far. Who could’ve thought that he’d get married to this one woman whom he once found annoying? A smile curls upon his lips at the memory.

Then his mind goes completely blank when you finally come to his sight, dressed in white with pearls in pink, long veil falling from your head and lightly covering your face. Bail’s wife leads you to him, but from the moment you are there, everyone else is instantly forgotten.

“My love, you look like an angel.” He whispers when greeting you with a soft kiss pressed upon your wrist. “From the moment I saw you, I somehow knew I’d be redeemed from my sins.”

He smiles wide when seeing his words affect you, your eyes going to the hands now interlocked as a blush colors your cheeks.

“Oh Ani, you always succeed in making me speechless.” And when you rise your eyes, Anakin sees nothing but love in them, which makes him beam. “I love you.”

“And I, you.”

As the priest clears his throat, you are reminded that the ceremony awaits to carry on. Anakin smiles and you smile back. But it would take so little time before he is finally able to profess his vows as you do yours, thus making you husband and wife.

Finally, there’s this moment where it’s only you and him. No witnesses, no festivities nor concerns. Privacy at last. He comes to you, leading all the way. Suddenly, Anakin senses your unspoken fears. He knows what you are feeling, so carefully he turns at you and says:

"There is no need to be so anxious, darling. I am as yours as you are mine."

Your shoulders instantly relax upon his words, which pleases Anakin. He gently pulls you towards him, charming with his smile that has always melted you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”, he whispers at you, holding you like he’s conducting in a dance.

“I love you”, you speak with a hint of genuine innocence that warms his heart. “Truthfully I do.”

Anakin knows his heart is completely mended when he says:

“As I love you, dear heart.”

He rests his forehead against yours, arms snaking around your waist. The balance is thus felt…

***

• Your POV.

But blissfulness can only last for a few moments. Your planet has been under attack, and though you are saved, the news leave you greatly distressed. The worst is that there is little you can do. As Obi-Wan himself, your husband’s Master, told you, your life means resistance against the Separatists so you ought to be preserved at every cost.

However, you remain now under the care of Anakin’s apprentice, Ahsoka, specially because he’s been called to war.

The depart is, of course, too painful to endure.

“Don’t leave me alone in this world”, you whisper, not minding Ahsoka’s epic raise of eyebrows at how publicly you display affections to Anakin.

He too cares very little in hiding when news by now have reached Obi-Wan’a knowledge—but he does attempt to keep the Order in ignorance for the sake of Anakin… and you.

“I will not, this I promise you, dear heart.”

That being said, he kisses you.

“Ugh”, you both hear Ahsoka say. “Get yourselves a room.”

It is an unending anxious process to wait. Hours never seem to pass, and despite growing very fond to Ahsoka, as pleasant as her company is, your mind never ceases to torment you with possibilities that your husband might not return.

The waiting, however, comes to an end as soon as the door is abruptly opened. To your great joy, and certainly a relief for Ahsoka, Anakin Skywalker comes back to your arms.

***

Epilogue.

When looking at your twins, sleeping soundly as if they are two innocent beings, Anakin, holding you close, speaks:

“I bet the princess is giving me trouble like her mother.”

You giggle sillily, rubbing your nose against his neck.

“Oh, please. When do I ever troubled you?”

Anakin shoots an arrogant, smug look.

“Angel, when haven’t I been worried over you?”

“You fuss too much over me, honey”, you smile back at him.

“Looks like I have three to come…”

“A possible four”, you add mysteriously, making him beam.

“I’ve always wanted a big family”, Anakin admits when carefully holding Leia and you hold Luke. “Thank you, Y/Nickname. You are truly an Angel sent from above.”

You blush deep at how affectionate he sounds. Leaning your head against his shoulder, the scenario couldn’t have been other.

There is peace, you are restored to your crown, the dynasty is going to carry on with your children and your husband is next to you. What’s more, you are beloved and adored by your subjects and the family you’ve always wanted to preserve is growing…

“I love you, Ani. You complete me in every possible way. It is I the one to thank you for bringing the balance to my life.”

One look you exchange together and a kiss comes to seal every unspoken vow. The happily ever after you and Anakin sought is finally here.

#star wars #star wars imagine #imagine star wars #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x y/n #hayden christensen #Anakin Skywalker x female reader #Anakin Skywalker x you #fluffy reading #love story

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mkaugust · 5 months

Text

Soulmate AU brought to you by discord, this post, eye rolls at the internet, and my evidently broken brain.

Jegulus, 1300 words.

Continued under the cut. Warnings for absolute crack and very bad sex.

There were many challenges to a world where you could only have sex with strangers born at the same time as you. For one thing, it meant the exact time of your birth, and sometimes birth certificates were wrong. You could go years thinking you were born at 6:24am and find out one day that it was actually 6:23am. (Thank god for parents that looked at the clock instead of your head when they heard that first cry.) The bigger challenge though was just how hard it was to meet strangers, and keep them strangers long enough to get through it.

James knew it would be worth it one day. He ignored the horror stories of those soulmate meetings and preserved. He’d meet his soulmate and have sex one day, he just knew it. And if it was as bad as everyone said? Well, that was alright! It was still better than never having the experience at all.

James was careful too, to ignore the whispers of those around him who said there was another way. That you could have sex with someone who wasn’t your soulmate…someone who wasn’t born at the same time as you. Someone a day, or even more older or younger! Someone who you knew. Even, James shuddered to even think about it, but he’d heard of someone having sex with a friend. And then they stayed friends. But he was careful. He knew they were very wrong for doing those things and he could be patient and do it right.

He took all the proper precautions and steps. The first thing James did when he saw an unfamiliar face was to ask them for their birthday. His parents had great stories of James as a small child, yelling across crowded streets for everyone to say their birthdays, just in case. It was always exciting when someone said a date other than March 27th, because it meant he had met someone he could be friends with, and James loved friends more than anything. But James thought it would be exciting too, when someone finally did say his birthday, just for a different reason.

He was not prepared for his best friend ever, the best friend he could ever have in the whole world, to say that date. Thankfully Sirius had a different birthday. James had asked, first thing when he met Sirius of course, and Sirius had said his birthday was November 3rd. James now kept a close ear out for that date on Sirius’ behalf, of course. But James had not thought to ask Sirius about his siblings’ birthdays and it had been…weeks into their friendship before Sirius had thought to mention it.

James had screamed, fainting on the spot when Sirius mentioned his brother’s birthday was March 27th. He said it like it was nothing; evidently he had forgotten James’ birthday.

(Sirius didn’t really believe the soulmate hype, despite James’ attempts to explain the situation. James hadn’t given up yet; he was just keeping his fingers crossed that Sirius hadn’t already met his soulmate by accident. It was a bit of a disaster waiting to happen.)

When James woke up from his fainting spell to Sirius anxiously staring at him and shaking his shoulder, frantic, he interrupted Sirius’ pleas to know if he was feeling alright to yell “what time! What time was your brother born!” Sure enough, it was an exact match.

James had found his soulmate.

From then on, James would run out of the room with his ears covered anytime Sirius mentioned his brother. He couldn’t be too careful; they needed to remain strangers until they were ready. Sirius struggled to understand the problem; Remus was much more receptive to James’ woes. Remus had stayed up with James for many a sleepless night as James cried.

“What if I already know too much? I know his last name, I know his brother so well. Do we even still count as strangers? What if Sirius is telling him about me when he’s home? What if I’m not a stranger to him anymore?”

“There, there, James.” Remus would say each time. “It’ll be alright. No one has to know if you’re perfect strangers or not. You can always lie.”

James would cry harder at that. Eventually, he’d always fall asleep that way. Remus knew just what he needed.

Finally, as his 25th birthday approached, James decided he was ready. 25 was the golden age after all, sooner would have been wrong, but if he waited much longer…well 26 was certainly too old. That’d be very wrong.

James asked Sirius to introduce him to his brother. Sirius, who had been speaking to Regulus about this for years now, agreed and set up a date and time for them to meet. Regulus confirmed he was ready too. Sirius offered to give them each other’s phone numbers, but both men had cried and screamed at the idea. Nothing had convinced him before, but Sirius now saw it was clear that these two men were soulmates.

The day they had selected arrived and James spent hours setting up the perfect atmosphere in the hotel room he had booked for the occasion. Finally, there was a knock at the door. It was time. Regulus had arrived.

James answered the door to find the man of his dreams. He was gorgeous. Skinny, pale, with dark hair and light eyes, and clearly, exactly the same age as James. It was incredible how obvious the age similarity was, even at first sight. This was his soulmate. James felt tears in his eyes.

“Hi, I’m Regulus.” Regulus murmured as he stepped through the doorway and removed his shoes, looking a bit shy.

“Shh,” James shushed him. “We have to be careful, don’t say too much. My perfect stranger soulmate.”

Regulus only smiled, clearly overcome with agreement.

They made their way silently to the bed and removed their own clothing efficiently. Then, they sat at outside ends of the turned down bed, flaccid cocks on display as they hesitated, equally unsure of the next step.

“We might have to speak a bit now…” Regulus suggested.

“Alright, just don’t tell me anything about yourself.” James replied firmly.

“Of course.” Regulus agreed.

“Should we kiss? And then…I am prepared, I did bring lube.”

“Oh, good. Yes, let’s try that.”

They pressed their faces together harshly at first and then more gently when they seemed to mutually find their noses were a bit too smooshed. Eventually, they managed to find just enough of a rhythm to encourage each other to hardness. They shifted around until they were laying on their sides, facing each other and lips still pressed together between gasping breaths.

“We should move a little closer I think,” Regulus suggested.

“Uh, yes. Here, lube!” James replied with an enthusiastic squirt of the bottle over first Regulus’ cock and then his own.

“Thanks, I think.” They exchanged a tentative smile, before pressing their bodies against each other and resuming clumsy kisses.

“Are we…doing this right, do you think?” James asked Regulus after a moment.

“I don’t know. I’ve never done it before, obviously.”

“Oh of course not. Me neither, obviously. Well, um, let’s try, maybe moving?”

“Yeah, yes, please.”

They awkwardly and clumsily pushed against one another, the lube James had generously poured rubbing all over their stomachs. Communicating mostly in a series of grunts, they eventually found an acceptable rhythm and came one after the other.

“Gross,” they both sighed under their breath at the exact same moment as they rolled away from one another. They made brief eye contact and laughed tightly.

“Soulmates, I guess.” Regulus remarked.

James nodded with a grin. “You can shower first.” James offered, ever the gracious host.

Regulus thanked him and moved away to shower and dress quickly. James did his best to clean up and pull his clothes back on, anxious to be dressed when Regulus was done showering, ready to put this whole ordeal behind him.

Finally, Regulus walked out, dressed and already headed for the door. “Well, goodbye, soulmate.”

“Goodbye, soulmate.” James breathed a sigh of relief as the door shut.

It was finally over.

#crack #seriously its just crack #jegulus #soulmate au #bad sex #how is this the first thing ive successfully finished in months

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jadenlix · 9 months

Text

Close as strangers

Pairing: Lee Felix x AFAB!reader

Summary: your a foreigner in Korea, after studying in Seoul to become a English teacher. You develop social anxiety, no longer aspire to be a teacher, or work in any public job. A job opportunity comes to work within JYPE as a social media manager, making sure the idols post things that won’t cause scandals. But an idol you know, felix has gotten himself into a relationship scandal with fellow JYP idol Yuna. Management decided to damage control by asking you to become a fake partner of felix to take the heat from Yuna.

Genre: Angst

Warnings: strong language. No happy endings at all. Get tissues if your easily hurt by bad endings.

Word count: 7.8K

LIGHTLY edited

21st of January, 2023

Hey, the book that I write in, Today was… interesting…

“You want me to do what?”

You had always been a very secretive person, very private. Not ever interested in being in the public eye or the center of attention. Never took the lift because of people, always took the stairs. So applying for a job in the back lines for the company JYP Entertainment seemed like a good idea at the time. You’d be working more in the promotion side of things, behind the accounts for a few of the artists. Never needing to go out with the artists as staff. Just sat in the office controlling things from there.

And the first few months had been a breeze, you enjoyed your job! You had met a few of the artists around the building here and there, you were even an avid listener of a few of them.

Over the past couple of weeks, you had gotten more work focusing on the group, stray kids, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. Working in close contact with a few of the members with what photos they wanted to post and what to caption them. The guys did have most of the control when it came to it, you were there to make sure it appeared proper and kept their idol image intact.

One member in particular, whom you had worked with loads more than the others and gained a semi-good friendship with, was Bangchan. Though you called him Chris when you weren’t in professional settings. He spoke English fluently and was the friendliest idol you had come across. You had met a few other fluent speakers, but you weren’t that close with them, Chris made you feel like you didn’t have to be anyone you weren’t, and you appreciated that.

You were a foreigner, having moved to Seoul 5 years ago to study. Your ambition started as an English teacher. Though unfortunately, that fell through. Being in a new country with a language barrier made you anxious, so you started staying in more, only leaving for classes until you finished school and decided to work from home.

So you didn’t have much interaction with native speakers as much. Despite knowing a lot of the language, borderline fluent after your years of studying Korean back in England and continuing your studies in South Korea- you were not confident.

Today, the stray kids’ manager called you in to discuss the next thing for you.

In recent events, Felix, a member you also had gotten to know recently was involved in a relationship scandal with fellow Jyp idol Yuna from Itzy. You weren’t too close with Yuna, but you were close to Lia and Ryujin, so you had already heard about this scandal.

“We want you to act as a partner to Felix, you look nothing like Yuna, no one knows who you are, and you’d be perfect for this job”.

Ouch?

Sungho spoke without looking away from his laptop. You would have preferred he spoke to you directly; eye contact would have been nice.

“But I didn’t sign up for this, this wasn’t in the job description” you start, rubbing your thumb against the skin of your other hand nervously, “I don’t think this is a wise choice, can’t you just wait for the rumours to die down?”

He shakes his head “I’m sorry y/n, you are required to do this, or we will have to terminate your contract with us”.

This was beyond fair, given either the choice to be a fake partner to Felix or be fired from the one job you wanted.

You were so sure so many others would be willing to do this, and you probably would have minded doing it either, Felix was beautiful and kind-hearted, but it involved being in the public eye. Which you didn’t want.

You swallow your discomfort, looking up at Sungho again “How long would I need to do this?”

He looked up at you briefly, checking his laptop again, humming when he finds the answer on the document that solidified your new, unwanted task. “Roughly a month, maybe two,” he said once he looked back at you, “until the rumors die down, we can’t have two idol images tarnished, and you’ll be helping with that”

You take a deep breath. Were you seriously considering this?

“Yuna will be heading out with her false partner this evening also, we’re hoping this one night is enough to dial it all down, we’ll just have to see” he continues, though it wasn’t making you feel any better about the situation the company was trying to put you in.

“You get a pay rise” he finally added, and in all fairness, it did make the offer seem more tempting, but you still weren’t happy about the ultimatum you were given.

“If I say yes, when does this whole thing start?” You ask.

“If you say yes now, hair and makeup will prepare you when you leave my office, to prepare for a sighting of you and Felix later tonight”

Your eyes widened tonight?

Perhaps the quicker you say yes, the quicker it’s over and you can go back behind the scenes.

“Okay, ill do it”

-5 hours later -

As promised, a team of make-up and hair professionals came to your aid soon after you met with Sungho. Your hair had been washed thoroughly, probably the most it’s been washed in your life. Not because you didn’t wash your hair, of course you did. Because they used what felt like a million products in your shoulder-length hair.

Your makeup was done in what you called an idol style, accentuating certain features. You felt like an imposter of sorts. Call it imposter syndrome. The stylists had dressed you in a pretty simple white and black Celine tee, pinning the rim of the top under so it was slightly cropped, pairing it with a pair of black baggy cargos, simple yet efficient.

“look at you” that cheesy Australian accent could quite literally never hide from you.

Turning around you glare at Chris. Dressed in basketball shorts and a tank top, you were jealous he was wearing such comfy clothes.

“did you hear about my new line of work?” you ask sarcastically, adjusting your top the best you could without the staff attacking you.

“I did” he laughed, “lix wasn’t too happy about it, thinks it will cause more harm than good”

You nod, you also believed that. You didn’t quite understand how a fake relationship rumor would mute the current one. But you trusted the company. Foolishly.

“I’m surprised you accepted though y/n” Chris spoke, walking with you towards the lounge where Felix was.

“it was either this or lose my job” you sigh, you still couldn’t believe you were doing this. You could barely make it on the train without sweating, and now you had to walk around and go on a fake date with Felix, people following you to take pictures. You didn’t know how you were going to do it.

“They threatened your job?” Chris grabbed your wrist gently, stopping you before he opened the lounge door. “that’s out of order y/n, I’m so sorry” his expression softened as he looked at you.

You valued Chris as a friend. He was always good to come and talk to when you needed it, or if you were feeling especially anxious when on shift. The pair of you exchanged phone numbers around a month ago, he had asked previously but you were nervous about it, so he kindly waited until you were comfortable.

“It’s okay though, I guess it gives me a chance to get out and face my fears or whatever” you shrug, motioning to him that you were ready to go into the lounge.

He nods, stepping ahead of you to open the door for you. “Felix” he called out as the pair of you entered.

There he was, the victim of the latest stupid scandal in K-pop. His long silver/lilac hair was, of course, styled perfectly. A baggy white tee hung loosely on him and a pair of baggy black cargos, that seemed to match yours completed his outfit.

You smiled awkwardly in his direction, “Hello yongbok-ah” You greeted him formally, bowing in his direction. You weren’t nearly as close to Felix compared to Chris so, you usually greeted him like this.

He frowned lightly, waving his hand in dismissal, “god, y/n, no need to be so formal” he stood from the sofa and walked towards you. His eyes watching yours as his hand diverted towards your shoulder. You smile weakly in consent to him touching you.

Since the other members didn’t know you as well as Chris, they were always cautious around you. Chris made sure to inform them of that.

“Since we’re supposed to be together, I don’t expect you to bow or call me by that calling, Felix is just fine” he smiled, rubbing your shoulder gently before retracting his hand, and looking toward Chris.

“so, Mr. Connected-”

Chris rolled his eyes as soon as he heard Felix call him that, groaning playfully.

“-do we look like a couple?” Felix finished, standing beside you.

“Yeah, you kind of do”

“so what are supposed to do, just walk together?” you quickly change the subject, questioning the two of them. You weren’t exactly told what to do. Just told to be in a fake relationship. Did you have to kiss him?!

“They didn’t tell you anything?” Felix exclaimed, his eyebrows raised. He felt bad for you. Someone who had an important position in the company, which is what he viewed it as he had thought they would of at least prepared you. but in his eyes, they had set you up for failure. “they know about your social anxiety right?” he asked, grabbing two pairs of sunglasses from the corner table. Handing you a pair.

“yeah, they do” you sigh, taking the glasses from him. He was sweet, caring, and overall seemed so friendly.

His expression changed slightly into more of a sour look. He was pissed that they hadn’t helped you, or even given you some sort of direction of what to do.

“they want us to hold hands as we walk towards the convenience store, some sort of affection inside the store, and then go somewhere to sit and just look all relationship-like I guess”

Bless him, he tried his best to explain what you had to do without cringing himself, he wanted this less than you by the sounds of it. You started to wonder if this was a good idea. Would it just be easier to cancel it? You could probably find another at-home job.

“y/n” Chris started, looking in your direction “I know what your thinking, no you aren’t quitting” he smiled softly, bringing you into a gentle hug “You got this yeah? Felix will look after you”

You buried your head into Chris’s chest, sighing against him. You didn’t want to do this, you were so unbelievably uncomfortable. You felt tears beginning to sting at the rim of your eyes. Feeling Chris’s hand rubbing your back as you sniffled.

You stayed there for almost 2 minutes, in complete silence. Just Chris holding you and Felix attempting to comfort you by rubbing your shoulder again. You pluck up the courage to pull away, not wanting to ruin any of the makeup the staff had done.

“Just breathe, deep breaths yeah?” Felix cooed, making his way to the door, his smile was warm, inviting almost. You shoot a half smile back at him. At least it was Felix you were made to do this with, could have been worse right?

“Glasses on” Felix reminds you before exiting the car.

You clear your throat as you follow what he said. Flicking them down as you got outside. You spotted a group of girls waiting across the road from the car, probably waiting to catch a glimpse of idols coming and going. It probably looked more obvious that at least one of you was an idol. Sunglasses and a face mask. It appeared obvious. Maybe not for someone walking down the streets, but for you two, it was.

The feeling of your heart began beating harshly against your chest. Your palms felt hot. No one was looking. Eyes were on you, watching every step you took on the pavement. They hadn’t noticed you both yet. Every breath you took the bystanders could see the rise in your chest. Your glasses hid the way your eyes began darting around the street.

Soft skin connected to your hand, the gentleness of the touch made your heart stop for a brief second, allowing it to calm down. You look over towards Felix once you notice he’s pulling you towards a smaller alley, away from the large open road.

Felix had noticed your sudden change in demeanor. So he lead you to a, not so much enclosed area, but a smaller, more intimate alleyway.

You were so shocked by the sudden physical touch and movement, you didn’t move your hand away immediately. Though once you realized what had happened, you remove your hand from his.

“I don’t think I can do this,” you say apprehensively. Your breathing picks up again. Pushing your sunglasses to your head.

Felix copies you, also moving his glasses, “Hey, look at me” he speaks softly, looking directly into your eyes, waiting patiently for yours to meet his. “Y/N look at me”

You look up at him, his eyes kind, expression warm and caring. You were so close together, you could see the individual flecks of bronze that scattered across his face. His brows were relaxed and elegant.

“That’s it, just breathe” he whispers, holding out his hand for you, offering it now instead of taking it straight away. “Focus on my voice, it’s okay, you’re okay, we’re okay”

Your eyes stayed glued to his, but your brain was focused on your breathing. You take his hand without thinking any more about it, receiving a squeeze of encouragement from him. He was truly helping. He was good at this.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be a baby about this” you sigh, your voice was still shaky, but calmer nonetheless.

“Don’t apologize, I’ve been there before and needed help calming down” he reassured you, “and a few of my members have been there also, I’m knowledgeable when it comes to calming others when they panic” his thumb rubs your hand gently. A smile gently appeared on his face. That smile.

You take your hand back. Too much physical contact. “Thank you Felix” Using the pads of your fingers, you dab under your eyes, wiping stray tears away. Looking down the other end of the alleyway, pulling your sunglasses back down over your eyes. “Let’s just get this day over with”

“Okay then, let’s get you some caffeine” he smiles.

The convenience store was luckily very quiet, with only one other customer inside. You stay close by to Felix at all times. Following him to the ice cup chest, he opens it up for you. You grab the green-topped one and wait patiently for Felix to get his so you could grab the pouches together.

“Did you want one of the coffee ones?” he asks, walking with you to the rack.

“Please, the vanilla one if it’s there” you smile, watching as he crouches down to grab yours, looking up to you as he hands it to you, his eyes smiling more than his lips.

“Thankyou”

He nods, grabbing himself a pouch, but you didn’t catch what it was. You’ll ask him when you get out of the store.

“Just these please”

You place your cup and pouch beside Felix’s. Digging into your bag, grabbing your purse out to hand Felix some cash for your things. His hand coming to push yours back into your bag.

“Not, I got this”

You frown, but obey what he said, putting the cash back. Looking around the store as Felix pays, noticing the other person in the store standing a little way back, their phone out and pointing directly at the both of you. You quickly look back at Felix, tapping his arm gently.

“Someone taking a photo or something” you whisper, your eyes fixated on the store clerk, almost manifesting him to move faster. You see Felix turn to look at the person out of the corner of your eye. His arm coming around you, respectfully not touching you completely. Ushering you to the other side of him. He turned to face you more, smiling and thanking the clerk, taking the bag in one hand and his other hand opening the door for you.

“But what about the”

“We’ll do it on our way,” he says, walking with you.

The pair of you ended up deciding to go to the picnic area of Olympic Park. It was close by and just easier. The day had been fairly simple, though you didn’t find yourself talking too much, just listening to Felix. You could tell he was uncomfortable with walking so much about himself and the things he liked. But you appreciated he did it to make you feel more comfortable. The overall day was a whole lot better than you had anticipated.

28th of January 2023

Sorry I haven’t written in a while, but I need to tell you this,

“Hey stranger” Felix greeted you with his smile. He was waiting for you in the lounge like he had last week, only this time Chan hadn’t joined the two of you.

“Hey Felix” you greet him, you were being driven to have a picnic at the cheonggyecheon stream today. Sungho called you a couple of days after your ‘date’ last week. It wasn’t enough, it didn’t attract the attention they wanted. According to him, you had to be more touchy. Which you were, for obvious reasons, not comfortable with. But after a few hours on the phone with Felix, he had reassured you enough to become comfortable. You had both agreed to hold hands and a hug now and again throughout the picnic.

“You look nice” he adds, standing up to meet with you at the door. He a nice too, granted he was just wearing a pair of jeans and a white button-up, no doubt it was designer. He looked expensive. He smelt expensive too. Why were you smelling him?

You adjust your shoulders in a way to shrug off the thoughts, “You don’t look too bad yourself” You smile but it quickly fades in a panic that your compliment wasn’t nearly enough as he was. “I mean you look good too, like I was just-”

“I know what you mean” he chuckles, shaking his head, walking past you to open the door for you once again “Shall we?”

You nod walking out with him towards the exit. The driver waiting for you outside. Just like last week, you and Felix put your sunglasses down as soon as you exit, running straight into the car. Felix made sure to open the door for you before getting in himself on the other side, And sure enough, the picnic basket was inside on the middle seat. At least we didn’t have to pack it ourselves, you think to yourself.

The sun was hot by the time you got to the stream, it wasn’t completely packed, it was empty enough for you to feel comfortable to sit there and eat, but packed enough to make you hyper-aware of people looking. But you figured that was a good thing since people kind of need to see you with Felix. Once you were both out of the car and had found a spot to sit, Felix laid a small blanket near the edge, placing the basket down before holding your hand as you sat down, letting go briefly as he got down, but taking it back once he was sat.

“Is this okay?” he asks, lifting his hands. It was sweet that he wanted to check up on whether you were comfortable. You liked that he always made sure to do so.

“Yes, it’s okay” you smile, rather bashfully. A rose tint develops on your cheeks. Feeling the heat upon your cheeks, you look away. Leaving your hand in his as you use the other to open the basket.

“Oh Onigiri!” you exclaim, removing your hand from his excitedly to take the container out of the basket to show Felix. “I hope they put tuna inside..” you open the container and offer him one. He takes it with a thank you, you take one for yourself before putting the lid back, too hungry to look at the other things. You both collectively bow your heads before taking a bite, silently saying thank you for the meal.

“Oh wow, this is good, I think it is tuna, but I’m not sure” Felix looks at you, waiting to see what you thought. You were still eating though, covering your mouth as you chew a bit faster, nodding your head as a way to respond properly.

“I’m pretty sure it’s tuna teriyaki” you finally speak, looking over at Felix as he takes another bite, watching him intently. You found yourself smiling at how his eyes closed and eyebrows raised, appearing in pleasure. You were glad he was enjoying the food, it was the least he could enjoy since he was forced here.

But he did seemingly enjoy hanging out with you, whether it was forced or not. You smile awkwardly when he turns to look at you, catching your stare. He scoffs lightly, placing his Onigiri down on his knee. “You have some sauce on your chin”

Your eyes widen, and immediately bring your hand to wipe your face. Looking over at him to see if you had got it.

Felix looked at you, smiling with amusement. That damn smile.

He thought you looked so helpless, “may I?” he asked, lifting his hand to your face, showing he wanted to get it for you. You did not get it. You nod your head, allowing him to go ahead with it. Watching as his face got closer to yours, his thumb gently rubbing against your skin. Your breath hitched. You never in a million years thought you’d be this close to him, even with the current agreement going on. They never said you had to be this close. You would assume that was obvious though. Pretending to be together was one thing, but kissing was another. Why on earth were you thinking about kissing him? His face was pretty close to you, surely it was a default thought.

“All gone” he whispered, not moving his face away from yours. You watched as Felix brought his thumb to his mouth “We don't want to waste any.”

You pull away from him slightly, not sure what to make of the situation. But something in your stomach made you feel some sort of way, you just didn’t know how to explain it. You bite your bottom lip. Unsure of how to process everything. That one decision he had just made sparked a feeling inside of you that you never felt before.

You must have appeared confused, because Felix was looking at you, amused by your reaction. “Someone flustered” he laughed, leaning back to his original position. “I guess I could have just fed it to you right?”

You blink in shock, the sudden change in the way he was speaking to you, caused your stomach to do flips. “I, uh, what?”

He laughed again, you found yourself laughing with him. His laugh was contagious, it was beautiful too. He was beautiful.

“You’re so delightful” he reached for his Onigiri once more, taking a bite leaving you once again, flustered.

You decide to lie down, enjoying the sun as your mind races. Thinking about the last 5 minutes with Felix. The pit in your stomach still felt weak, weak for him. You hated the feeling. You felt safe with him and safely made you vulnerable.

After a few moments had passed, Felix spoke again “Open your mouth” he asked gently.

You begin to fight every urge in your body to not open your eyes and to just trust him. Take a deep breath, turn your face towards him, and open your mouth.

He pushes a strawberry in between your lips, holding it there, smiling to himself as he watches your lips fold around the strawberry. Pulling it away once your mouth closed around the bite you took. His heart began racing slightly, he wasn’t certain as to why. Perhaps it was just a normal feeling of pride that you trusted him.

You hum in the pleasure of the taste. Strawberries. Your favorite.

“Thank you” you whisper once you have finished your mouthful. Smiling up at him. His hair looked as though it was sparkling with the sun against it. Despite looking as though he flourished in the sunlight, his eyes looked tired. You felt sorry for him. He had been so busy over the past few days since the recent comeback. You wished you could help him relax more. But you didn’t have the slightest idea of how to do that.

You sit up, moving slightly closer to him, reaching for a strawberry. You were so glad the staff had packed strawberries, you eat them forever.

“Can you open your mouth for me?” you whisper. Leaning slightly closer to him.

His eyes widened now, clearly not expecting you to say anything like that at all, even if it was just a whisper. Nevertheless, he opened his mouth for you, keeping his eyes on yours, watching you, so intently, so passionately.

When he takes a bite of the strawberry, his eyes finally close, humming in pleasure just as you did “Beautiful aren’t they” he says once he finishes. Sighing to himself, as if he was contemplating what he was going to do or say next.

“You know, I think I could love you” That explains the sigh.

“What?” You reply, shocked at the words Felix had just spoken, you didn’t expect to hear anything like to fall from his lips, especially if they were meant for you.

“ y/n, I think I could” his voice was soft now, looking over at you from across the table, a small smile lingering. Your heart fluttered.

“You promise?” The only words you could mutter, a week ago you would have never seen it coming. You still don’t. Even if that didn’t make sense. You still couldn’t imagine him loving you. He was Felix, you were you.

“I promise”

1st of February 2023

I like him you know…

You jumped at the sound of your text tone. You rarely got messages, when you did, it was late at night when your parents would text to you help them set up their Skype so you could tell them about your very unseasoned week.

So a text at 11 am was not something you were expecting, barely out of the shower, still sitting on your bed, wrapped in your towel where you had been for the past 10 minutes, pondering over what you wanted to do today.

You grab at your phone, checking the text message.

“Dammit Chris” you groan, flopping into your back, scrunching your nose up at the feeling of your wet hair getting caught up in the towel. Shuffling around slightly to comfortable, before replying.

You didn’t know how to respond, he missed your face? You should have taken that as a compliment, maybe get a bit giddy over it, but it made you confused, unsure as to why he missed your face. You didn’t take photos often, you did not need to. You didn’t use social media much. But you were willing to send Felix a picture of you.

You turn onto your stomach, burying your chin slightly into the duvet cover, the waves of the sheets covered just over the tip of your nose. Taking a deep breath, you take the picture, sending it immediately before you could overthink it.

“What?!” you jump up from your bed, staring at your phone. Why the hell did he want to call you? But before you could even have a chance at thinking it through, Felix was calling you. Well, you had hoped so anyway. It still said unknown, you probably should have changed it.

You press to answer and put it on speaker before speaking “Hello?” you whisper, though no need to whisper, you lived alone.

“y/n hello, I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait for an answer, I missed you too much”

You take a deep breath, walking over to your dresser, placing your phone down on top.

“Well, I was going to say yes, but ideally I was going to get dressed beforehand” you sigh, getting some underwear, sweatpants, and a tank top.

“Why would you need to get dressed?” Felix questioned, causing you to frown.

“Just, well, I don’t know, so I’m not talking to you in my towel?”

“It’s not like I can see you”

“Yes I know that”

“Do you though?”

You pause, halfway pulling your sweats on, “Felix?”

“Yes, y/n”

“Have you put a camera in my apartment?”

That caused him to let out the most tasteful laugh, the kind of laugh where you could imagine the smile. His smile.

“I promise, I haven’t”

“Mhm,” you tease back, taking your phone with you, as you left the bedroom, and heading into the kitchen. “No schedule today?” you ask, placing your phone down on the counter.

“Nope, just rehearsal” he replied, “did you like the photo I sent you earlier?” he asked, you could hear tapping in the background, probably something to do with his keys or the lube, or whatever.

“Yeah, you looked good,” you tell him, a smile lingering on your lips as you think about the photo in question. He always looked good, but you usually saw him with makeup on, so a bare face was a rare occasion. “Did you like mine?”

“You looked beautiful, always do”

You pause as you reach for the knife in the drawer, smiling to yourself, he made you feel so… comfortable, you were less anxious when you were talking to him, or around him. “Now I feel like my compliment for you wasn’t enough” you pout, continuing with getting the knife out to cut your bread. Perhaps you could invite him over.

“Hey, Felix?” You question, placing the knife down and gripping the side of the counter, preparing yourself to ask him the next question.

“Yes Y/N?”

You take a deep breath, “Did you want to come over?”

“Does someone miss me as much as I miss them?” He teases, you liked it when he teased. “Sure, give me your address, I’ll come on over after I sort out these keys”

You smile to yourself excitedly, putting the bread and knife back, you could order food when Felix gets here. You tell him your address you hear the pen scratch against the paper as he writes it down. You both say your goodbyes. Sighing when you hang up.

You begin doing something you’d never thought you’d do, dancing from excitement. You were so incredibly excited about seeing him in your place. It was your safe place, and he had become a second safe place.

“Hey you,” you say as you answer the door, Felix beaming down to you as he walks inside. Opening his arms for you once you shut the door.

“Hey,” he finally says as you enclose yourself in his arms, embracing him and all he was. You hum softly against his chest, taking in the smell of his aftershave, it smelt amazing. He always smelt amazing.

“I thought we could order in some food” he smiles, pulling away to show you the bag he was carrying “-and maybe bake some brownies for desert”

“Felix I had stuff here we could have used for baking” you sigh, motioning him to follow you to the kitchen. “But that sounds good, maybe a movie?”

He nods as you show him where to place the item he brought over. You watch him intently, the veins in his hands protruding ever so slightly as he lifts the rather large bag of flour into the cabinet.

“What are you looking at?” He looked over at you, a small smirk playing on his full lips, his hair sticking to his forehead slightly from the light sweat from being out in the heat.

You gulp, shaking your head, “Oh nothing, I was just watching you”

He hummed, walking over to you slowly, Cornering you against the kitchen surface. His hands were on either side of you, but he was careful not to touch you. You looked up at him, his breath hot against your face. “Just watching me?”

“Yeah?” You whisper, your heart pounding faster as the interaction goes on. You desperately wanted something to happen, anything. Perhaps his hands would wrap around your waist, his fingers could trace faint and delicate shapes along your stomach.

Your chest began to rise and fall heavily as his face inched closer to yours, his fingers tilting up your chin as he-

“Hey, Earth to Y/N” Felix waved his hand in front of your face.

You Internally scold yourself for even thinking such things. How could you think this way about anyone, let alone Felix, you were friends, he did see you as a friend right?

You had fantasies of being touched by him, kissed by him. Daydreams of the way his hands could caress your fragile body, how they would brush across your soft skin, and how they would relieve the shivering feeling you felt deep inside. You were soon taken away as vivid thoughts flooded your head.

“Sorry I was just, away”

“Away with the fairies?” Felix questioned, raising his eyebrow at you as the pair of you made your way to the lounge area of your apartment. “Now that you're back with me, shall we order some food?” He flops down into your couch, patting the spot beside him, “what do you fancy?”

You.

“I’d kill for a burger” you respond properly, sitting beside him, crossing your legs up on the couch to get comfortable.

The pair of you browse Felix’s phone, hunting down the right combination of food that you’d be satisfied with. And after several minutes of looking, the food had been ordered and it was quiet once more.

“So, y/n, are you enjoying your new job?”

You look up to Felix, scoffing playfully, “Oh yeah, though my Co-worker is a bit of work, he’s pretty annoying”

He seemed to enjoy the teasing. He loved that you were having fun, whether it be at his expense or not, he just enjoyed seeing you smile. He lifted his hand to push back his hair before looking at you with the sweetest eyes. “Hey, you should probably tell someone then, you don’t want the bad relationship to ruin your love for the job”

You roll your eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully, causing him to retort with a playful expression, his hand on his shoulder acting in pain, “damn, you pack a punch!”

“Was that a cod reference?”

“You know cod?”

You raise your eyebrow, “You’re kidding right? It was one of the best games for years, it’s my guilty pleasure” you tell him, leaning forward to grab a grape from the coffee table, popping it into your mouth.

Felix’s tongue pokes into his cheek as he watched you his phone letting off a text ping, “I think you are my soulmate”

“Oh shut up you” you laugh, taking the chance to move closer to him when he looks down at his phone. Peering over his shoulder to peek at his phone, seeing messages from Chris.

“Chris should've come over too” you whisper, making it known you had seen the texts. Causing him to turn his face to look at you, making the gap between your faces, a couple inches now at most.

“No,” he says, his eyes taking in your facial features, falling to become stuck on your lips. “I wanted you to myself” he adds, looking back up to your eyes, smiling softly at your gulping reaction. He thought it was adorable, he thought you were adorable.

So adorable that he felt his

words

Could

fall

off

his

tongue.

“You're so beautiful,” he says softly, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, his thumb tracing delicate circles as he hummed.

You felt frozen in place right now, your heart pounding, was this about to happen? His face closed in on yours, both of your eyes falling to close as your lips began to-

Knock knock.

You pull back, staring at Felix for a moment before taking a deep breath, seconds ago you were so close to kissing him and now you were pushing yourself up from the couch.

“Saved by the Bell”

12th of February 2023

Hey,

“Y/N!! Your back!” Chris greeted you, opening his arms up for you.

Your smile, engulfed yourself in Chris’ hug, smiling as you felt him rub your back comfortingly.

You had taken the last week off from work, you requested an emergency holiday and luckily they rewarded it. You needed time to think. After the sudden lunch date with Felix at your apartment, you needed time to figure shit out. You had almost kissed, did that mean there were mutual feelings? Possibly? Who knows. But you knew that you needed to think. The Saturday after, Felix messaged you asking where you were, you didn’t reply, and you hadn’t replied to any of his messages. You needed time to think, and anything remotely Felix flavored, caused you to not think.

“Come, we’re having dance practice right now, but I’m sure the others will be glad to see you” Chris suggested, directing you towards the studio.

“Felix…what about Felix” you speak quietly, you didn’t know if you were completely ready to see him. Or if he wanted to see you.

“Oh, he’s missed you more than the 7 of us combined!” He turns to look at you before opening the door. You could hear the stomping of feet through the closed door. Knowing one of those belonged to Felix had brought everything back. “Come on y/n, I’m with you” Chris reassured you, opening the door without giving you another chance to protest.

“Look who’s back!” Chris exclaimed,

The guys greeted you one by one, with six hello’s and a nod. The nod belongs to Felix. At least the awkwardness waited until the rest of them said hello.

“Felix” you start softly, walking up towards him, “I, I’m sorry-”

“Woah woah, okay how about we all go get some more water?” You hear Chris suggest, the others nod or grunt, and soon you and Felix were alone.

“You're sorry?” Felix asks once he was in the clear, raising his brow at you before walking closer. “I messaged you multiple times a day without fail since the last time I had seen you”

He was upset.

“We almost kissed, I poured my heart out to you in those texts as soon as I left your apartment, and you read every single one, and ghosted me” his voice cracked.

“Felix…please” your eyes began to sting, the lump in your throat threatening to come out. You didn’t realize how much this had affected him.

“I wrote a fucking song for you Y/N” His voice raised now, he was upset, but he was more importantly angry. And you understood why. “A fucking song, I was going to. I was going to sing it to you, to tell you how I felt, but you left, you, the person who’s scared of their reflection in a window, left the city” he turned away from you, his hands messed with his hair, “I wanted to tell you I loved you!”

You look up at him, his sad eyes penetrating your very soul, “loved?” You whisper, “Felix I was scared!”

“Then you fucking tell me!” He snapped, “You don’t fucking run off, you don’t run away from me, you talk to me!” In the time you’d known him, he had never been this angry in front of you. You had heard of his outbursts from Chris, but having that outburst be caused because of you, was a whole different experience.

“You’re scaring me, Felix”

Those four words stopped his world, he felt as though his heart had been torn from his chest. He stopped and just looked at you, his eyes saddened, his bottom lip quivering ever so slightly. “I didn’t, I didn’t mean to”

He inches closer to you, pulling you desperately into his arms, where the both of you, immediately broke down on impact. Both of your cries filled the room. He loved you, and you loved him, it wasn’t going to be an easygoing relationship, it wasn’t the most convenient and it certainly wasn’t going to be practical. But you loved each other. Unfortunately, it took you both hurting each other to admit it.

“I love you too” you whisper against his chest.

He pulled away gently, looking down at you with such sad but loving eyes. You look right back at him, sniffling slightly as you take in his gaze, he was perfect, truly, utterly beautiful. Over the last few seconds, your faces had gotten so close together. You could practically feel the atoms of his lips tickling your own.

“Felix..” you whisper,

Just as quickly as your hands laced with his, he kissed you. You responded with such enthusiasm that he was taken aback at first, but regained his composure and reminded himself of what was happening; he was kissing you, you were kissing him, and everything around you was now meaningless.

Nothing could have possibly meant more than them, nothing could have more beauty than this moment: your small hands pressed into his, the way your eyes fluttered to a close. You fit into him like a glove, her kiss like the beating of a butterfly’s wings, soft until it became addictive.

And you were falling fast, craving his scent and the feeling of him so close to you, unsure where he ended and you began. You had never been more grateful to have life until now. You would have rather walked into hell again and again than lose this: his entrancing eyes, his captivating smile against your lips, his laugh,

But your stupid, stupid lungs had to find air, and you were forced to separate from him with the feeling of gravity being torn out of your core. Somehow, you had been moved up onto a ledge, sitting high above him and disconnecting your hands from his (with another pitiful drop in his stomach) so you could run them through his disheveled hair, and he closed his eyes at your touch.

You looked up at him with such an inviting warmth that you wanted to kiss him again, but it would have come off as obsessive. When he was non-respondent, you pulled away. He took a step back, heat rising to his face. “Sorry — Shouldn’t have done that.”

“What are you talking about?” You said softly, watching him. “That was... it was fine.”

“F- fine?” His voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat, laughing a little before you made the move to kiss him again: he had become addicted, and you knew it, but this was short and sweet now.

God, he had forgotten how much he loved you.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

Felix jumps away from you, you jump down from the ledge of the countertop. Gulping hard when your eyes connect with the manager standing in the doorway.

“Y/N, my office, now,” he says calmly before exiting the room.

You would have preferred him to shout.

You had been fired. Effective immediately. The conditions of your termination? No contact with the members of the stray kids, especially Felix. Ideally, the company would like you to leave the country, but they didn’t hold that jurisdiction.

You look around your office sadly, licking your lip gently, still tasting Felix on your tongue. Placing the last photo frame from your desk into your box, you pick it up and head to the door.

You wanted to desperately see Felix before you left, but you signed the waiver. You could be fined. Thousands. You didn’t have that kind of money to risk it. As you walk down the elevator, you couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with sadness. Not knowing what to do at all.

When the doors open you step into the elevator, choking back tears as the door started to close.

“Wait!!”

A hand blocked the door as it almost closed, the door opening once again, standing in front of you with a relieved expression, was Felix. He gets in and hurriedly presses the button to close the doors.

“They fired me” you finally say, refusing to look him in the eyes, “I can’t talk to you”

“We’re in an elevator together, what are they going to do?”

“Felix, I’m sorry”

“No” he warned, “don't you dare apologize” he took the box from your hands and placed it down on the floor, taking your hands in his, his eyes sad “They can’t stop us loving each other y/n”

“They can.. they have” you sob, trying your absolute hardest to not look him in his eyes, but you couldn’t tear yours away from his.

He sighed, “Then I can’t love you right now” his soft hand comes into contact with your cheek like it had done very few times before. But this time it felt different. Even though he said it was the wrong time, this made it clear it was definitive. This would be the last time you’d feel his hand cupping your cheek, the last time you’d stare into his perfect eyes, the last time you’d see his smile in person.

“I will promise to continue to love you, and when it’s our time, I will love you unconditionally” His face leans down, his lips pressing against yours with such love, attention, and warmth. A tear escapes down your cheek as you kiss him back without hesitation.

And it was the last time you’d feel his lips on yours.

A/N

Please don’t be afraid to tell me what you think!! Tysm for reading! Have an awesome day!

Tags; @hyunjinskxfelix @drhsthl @stockholmstyles @dutchesskarma

#skz fluff #straykids smut #skz x reader #felix x reader #lee felix x reader

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