#i need to fix my sleep schedule and generally get my shit together

[rat-prophetess]

I have this deeply unfortunate condition where I cannot absorb verbal information without doodling, but also I have the drawing skills of young child and the permanently shaky hands of a wizened crone SO the results are. Unfortunate.

I am definitely making a great impression on my classmates and future colleagues by scrawling stick-figure patho characters next to them while they’re trying to listen to orientation lectures 👍🏻

anyway this (+ illegible handwriting) is why I can never lend people my notes. termitarywallart.jpg

[polizwrites]

Borrowing Trouble

Bucky’s roommate Tony chooses the worst time to borrow his stuff; but maybe a little blowup will only make their friendship stronger.   

Fandom: MCU/Marvel Pairing:  Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Rating: General Word Count:  875 words.

This is a fill for my  @starkbucksbingo  O3 - "Shh... I'm sleeping." and  @tonystarkbingo A4 - AU: College squares, along with today’s  @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt  [#FFF175 Gloomy Daze]

Still in a bit of a daze from the phone call he’d just gotten, Bucky stepped into his dorm room only to see a person-sized lump laying on the sofa: his roommate, Tony.

Bucky had never met anyone with such an irregular schedule. Tony would literally stay up all night working on a project, catch a quick cat nap, go to class, then snooze through the rest of the afternoon and evening -- usually missing dinner. He would wake up just as Bucky was getting ready for bed and more than likely start the whole cycle over.

Bucky felt a little bad for waking his roommate up, but he really needed someone to talk to at the moment.  “Tony, I--”

“Shh - I’m sleeping,” Tony interrupted, pulling a blanket over his head. It was a quilt that belonged to Bucky and had been made by his grandmother. She was a kind, caring, funny woman who Bucky had many precious memories of... and had passed away just that morning.

“Give me that!” Bucky shouted, startling them both. But he couldn’t help it - his grief suddenly flaring into anger. He snatched the quilt away from Tony, only to see that his roommate was wearing one of his sweatshirts. “Goddamnit, Tony. Why are you such a mooch - I know you’ve got money, so go buy your own damn stuff for once!”

Tony’s eyes were wide with shock and fear. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” He struggled out of the hoodie, leaving it on the floor as he fled their room.

Bucky instantly regretted his outburst. He honestly didn’t mind Tony borrowing his stuff; in fact, a small part of him enjoyed seeing Tony in his clothes more than maybe he should. And Tony was the furthest thing from a mooch -- he’d gone out and bought a bigger fridge for their room when he saw Bucky didn’t have one and was always willing to chip in if someone came up short when the group went in on a pizza order.

Bucky sat down heavily on the couch, clutched the quilt to his chest and let the waves of emotion finally roll over him. His grandmother had been the only one in his extended family to support him when he came out, and he loved her even more for that.

She’d also always been the one he’d go to for no-nonsense advice. He could almost hear her voice now: “Now what did you go and do that for? Scared the poor boy half out of his wits, I bet. Better fix the mess you made.”

Bucky pulled himself back together and went downstairs to the dorm lobby, where Clint was watching cartoons. “Hey, have you seen Tony?”

Clint frowned. “Yeah - he just ran out of here like a bat out of hell. Didn’t even have a jacket, and it’s kinda nasty out there.”

“Shit.” Bucky ran back up to their room, grabbed the discarded hoodie and headed out to try to find his roommate.

A heavy layer of fog had descended on campus, and a cold rain was pelting down. Bucky got out his phone to send a couple of quick voice-to-text messages as he made his way toward the Engineering building, which was more or less Tony’s second home.

I’m really sorry I yelled at you

I was upset

I just found out my grandmother passed away

She made that quilt for me - but I was wrong to get so angry.

You’re a great roommate

You can borrow my stuff any time

Bucky spotted Tony; he was standing in the doorway to the building, his wet t-shirt clinging to him, with his phone in hand. He looked up and flinched just a little when he saw Bucky.

“Tony?” Bucky called out, stopping a few feet away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that.”

“I didn’t know about your grandmother,” Tony replied, his voice small and quiet.

“I only found out about five minutes before I got back to our room, myself. I guess I was kind of in shock, and I overreacted. Here.” Bucky held out the hoodie, which was already half-soaked. “You’re not a mooch. I don’t know why I said that.”

“I guess I could be better about asking, first.” Tony took the hoodie and draped it over his shoulders. “I just ... well... friends share stuff, right? And -- we’re friends, aren’t we?” The cautious, hopeful look Tony gave him made Bucky’s heart skip a beat.

“Yeah - of course we are.”

Tony’s expression brightened. “And it’s not my fault my stuff is too small for you to wear.”

“No, I suppose it isn’t,” Bucky replied with a grin. “You know, you do let me store stuff in your fridge. And I watch your TV, like, all the time. Maybe I’m the mooch, after all.”

“No, you’re not,” Tony answered decisively. “Hey, um - I know I’m not good at personal friendship stuff, but would a hug maybe make you feel a little better?”

“Yeah, I think it would.” Bucky’s heart warmed at the offer, but he couldn’t help laughing at the squishy sound their soaked shoes made as they stepped toward one another. “How about we head back and change into dry clothes first?”

[northropi]

my art's been in a weird place forever because like... ok let's just talk about some stuff

as the name of the sideblog alludes to, i'm colorblind, presumably protanopia (all i know clinically is that i definitely have something but just qualitatively judging how things look vs how things look to me i think it's red-deficiency, so protanopia, the rare kind hooray!!!), and thus coloring is always a pain. i simply don't understand how a lot of that works and so kinda screwed myself in the long run i guess by never advancing past sketches with a lot of my art. my shading is lackluster and even if i had the colors right i lack the inuition for how lighting affects them.

only recently was i presented with the idea that just using patches in a translucent black layer was actually not good, and yeah that explains certain things that felt off, but... how does a linear flat decrease in light availability impact saturation? what? i don't even know whether the tip i heard recommended to make it go up or down and it's all really muddied by the fact that obviously everyone has different techniques like this one person who used bands of higher saturation around the main shading patch and when i HAVE to outsource my VERY PERCEPTION OF COLOR to OTHER PEOPLE that is REALLY CONFUSING.

One thing people say every time it comes up is "oh! art by someone who's got a skewed color perception would be cool actually!" And maybe as a one-off gimmick but for my entire generally sorta realistic/surreal body of work, no, no that'd just have tanks that are pink when they should be grey, that sucks and I'm not doing that.

but THEN come the actual problems with just how i draw. i'm really not in the habit of using guides, changing lineweights... like i recently read the Wikipedia article on Executive Dysfunction between projects at work and got to the part where it said the example of just turning in the rough draft as the final draft and i was like "oh. yeah. i do that." having pen pressure sensitivity is really all i have there because my brain just doesn't want to work that into how i function. perspective can be shaky but hey who's good at it anyways? i feel like i've got a good conception of form in spite of this and that probably is thanks to the fact that i was schooled as an engineer so like, yeah, that's... that's my job.

Part of these habits are certainly to do with my current life situation. I don't have the stability in my life to sit down and perform practice art, or to spend very long periods of time on one piece. I don't have the overall mental fortitude or whatever you'd call it to pick up an unfinished piece the next day after sleeping on it for a while so it's sort of do or die. I don't have the self-awareness in the moment to recognize I'm screwing up and I do not have and cannot afford the patience to slow down and fix things. Maybe there's a day some time soon, but never soon enough, where I'll really be able to dissect it all and come out better, but the prerequisite to that is to basically purchase my own fucking house and regain control of my schedule and space. It must sound like I blame a lot of my failings on that but, holy shit, this place just erodes me.

and then there's the fucking technical stuff. sometimes it really does feel like i'm playing catch-up to where i was on paper, and the fact that i don't know how brushes work, make little effort to optimize my brushes, and have never downloaded brush packs from anyone else (can you just use those? is there a credit thing????) probably really compounds this. making that animation stumped me on several levels because i had all the frames i needed but just couldn't put them together- and once i had them i attempted to change some stuff and it just broke things.

In honesty while I'm getting better at internalizing compliments it's very clear people like me for what I depict rather than my ability to depict it well, and I'm proud of that, but sometimes I start feeling old and like I'm never going to really learn anything from this point and that hurts.

[keefwho]

May 15 - 2024 Wednesday

10:26pm

4/10

This morning I woke up and used the bathroom. I was messaging TK about her new job and told her about some stuff I've been going through. She offered to call and talk about it which we did and it was a big help. All I really needed was to talk. During that I fixed the wifi connection on my sister's laptop, I don't know what was wrong but I got it. TK and I talked for over an hour which left me late to shower and breakfast. I took a quick one and threw a can of spaghettios in the microwave for a quick meal. I decided not to stream today and spent time with BR and JG while they were available instead. BR was gone for most of it so JG and I had a nice chat together. I didn't expect that, he's nice. I skipped my warmups today and worked on GZ's comic commission for only 90 minutes on and off. As usual, not streaming took a toll on my focus. I regret it, I feel like I didn't try hard enough. I tuned into Henry's stream to relax and then I wrote about my abandonment fears. I finished that in time for lunch but instead of cooking, I chopped the peppers and sausage I had in the fridge so I could freeze it all. I wasn't hungry and didn't have much time left for lunch so I made a pack of soup, a different brand than usual. It was 2 months past it's sell by date but that was okay, I made it and it was good.

Running off the regret of earlier, I buckled down to get today's request done and worked on an AI redraw of princess celestia. I was pretty rough at drawing today so I didn't make much progress but I did put in the time at least. Then I worked on my pony avatar and added visemes and experimented with how I'll make the eyes. I had joined TK, NJ, and MK in called for work and for awhile afterwards when it was chill time. I vacantly played KSP while they talked and at some point NJ started looking at the just chatting section on Twitch, largely looking to judge female streamers. It was a sort of joke at first but he made me legitimately uncomfortable with what he was doing. Basically calling every single girl either dumb or a whore based on their appearance/voice. And of course the classic ranking of their bodies. I admit I don't like their content in general either but I wouldn't shit on them for it. I got the impression this guy REALLY hates women and I started to call him out for it. So was TK, in a joking sort of way but I think she was serious too. I was legitimately disgusted this evening and if this kind of behavior keeps up (and if they keep saying the N word on occasion) then I'm not going to be attending that VC anymore. I'll just have to hit up TK one on one. After that fiasco, they started watching an anime about monsters and hunters and the lamest hunter ever or something. It was kind of interesting but VERY generic to me. It also made me uneasy with how much horrible death there was in the second episode and how pitiful the main character is. It definitely appeals to people who think that are actually the lamest people on earth, hoping they will experience a miracle that makes THEM special like they always wanted to be. I left when DS was in bed but they were all about to disband anyways. DS brought up how her weekend sleep schedule has to change which I was aware of, it was perfectly reasonable. I feel embarrassed that I was so worried before about things, it highlighted just how bad my trust and security issues can be. I had a lot to think about today. We did our puzzles and caught up on yesterdays. She also told me all about this furry character in charge of some events abusing his power and doing some shady shit. Then it was sleepy time. While she slept I played KSP and made a moon lander for Iota. It went great. Then I did my dishes, brushed my teeth, and I plan to watch Burke play this new WWII game while I'm in bed.

Things were really hard today in general. I've been doing a lot of beating myself up. I've been feeling sort of hopeless and lack motivation in general. Such a big part of me SCREAMS that things are falling apart and that I can't count on anyone in my life to stick around for any length of time. They are illogical feelings but feelings usually are. I just don't have the mental energy to do what I think I need to do. I'm exhausted.

I had a lofty idea though. Im thinking about reserving maybe 4 days where I'll get into VRchat nonstop aside from showering, cooking, and sleep. But I'll be completely alone the whole time. I'd turn off discord and only go to invite only worlds. The point would be to do something sort of like when people go into the desert to find themselves. But I'd be in a virtual world. I don't know if this would defeat the purpose but I could stream it on Twitch too, just with no chat and with my mic off. This is something I think I want to do when I get the spare days. I think if I can commit to that much alone time, I should realize some important things and hopefully come out much better because of it.

[kyrodo]

As for Red and Choskey goes, I do have a limit for the amount of time I spend in a day doing stuff by myself. Moreso now that I actually can spend time with other people in the first place thanks in large part to vrchat. Red for whatever reason even back then I... don't enjoy spending time with that much usually. Borderlands he just goes off and dies a lot. Sea of thieves he gets us all killed for pvp practice. Apex Legends he gets us killed. Planetside for a good long while was the ONLY game he would play with me regularly. And I don't enjoy planetside pretty much at all. I had little hope for it when I just jumped in back when we lived in fallbrook. Even after getting a bunch of stuff and understanding the game more my impressions did not improve much. That's not good.

And my creativity as far as things to do when we go out is very limited. Red doesn't initiate lewd things and isn't very good at it when we do. Red doesn't allow us to cuddle during the day or when he's going to sleep so the only possible time to do so is in the morning during a day he doesn't go to work or when he's planning to be late. And while it'd be great if we slept at the same times, I do like having some wind down time to myself before I do, and I like staying up late.

So we have a lot of problems. When it's good it's good. We joke around a lot in the shower. It's just not good very often. Red only has at most an hour or two to do anything recreational with me before he's done for the day.

I don't know if anything will change for Choskey once he starts working but uh... I'm a little less in denial that things weren't the greatest for a while between me and Red. Not bad enough to want to get out and not good enough to want to keep things the way they are. I was doing better than those couples that argue a lot or yell/cuss if that's worth anything. But we have different issues. We don't know how to spend time together. Red lives a workaholic life and wants to engage in ambitious and inventive projects on the side but I've never developed a taste for it. So he's also missing a few things I can't really provide.

And my attention span when he talks dwindles after he talks for a solid 20 minutes straight about the same topic, usually work, and I've seen him talk with Marcus. He could go on for a couple of hours. I can't do that. I would be waiting to resume whatever I was playing, and if I completely married myself to Red's sleep schedule, he would tell me it's time to sleep and I would be kinda mad my last few hours I could have spent playing something just got pissed away and I'm being told to sleep. It was bad enough with the several hours we spent at the grocery store, that he forced me along since I am dependent on his driving.

He's less likely to do that now and recognizes doing such things is not enjoyable for me. And I definitely don't like having my sleep schedule determined by someone else. I absolutely need that time to myself before going to sleep, especially to post stuff like this or talk to stalkers and crushes apparently. I don't like having my sleep time fixed or under someone else's thumb generally.

And then there's Choskey which from a gaming standpoint much easier to find time to do things together, much more variety of things to do together, and talking with him isn't nearly as tiring if at all. Like for whatever reason the kinds of topics and the kinds of things Red talks about or the way he talks about it or the low level comedy he has when he's poking fun at things (potty humor, repetitive jokes that are hyper cringe) or the viciously spiteful things he enjoys watching like videos of people shitting on flat earthers or videos of police chases or cars eating shit. I don't enjoy those things even remotely. I don't enjoy getting stressed out because he's stressed out audibly while driving, and I can't spot all the drivers he's paying attention to. I don't have 360 vision like he does.

Kitsunary as mentioned before has her own problems, but at least we can play anything whatsoever.

Vrchat gave me brownie, beastner, Choskey, cattucino, light, there's bitt's groups, there's khnfucats in vrchat and mayu's, there's other people related to Choskey or beastner that we've played with. Choskey spends so much time with me. I am the beating social heart of discordant discourse now. Choskey notices people like brownie and cattucino show up specifically because of me. And in vrc people like mad mittens, denso and busker the cat visit me. And nearly every time I'm around their friends or I'm in any public lobby more people seem to make their way into my friends list because I'm being cute.

That is phenomenal. I've needed this for so long.I can't overstress enough that I desperately needed something like this. A place to make friends, a place to be social, be cute, hang out with people, play games, plan out things to do. And Choskey is the cornerstone of all of that. Choskey is who allowed me to be comfortable in vrchat, get this avatar, and now one of my lovers. I do enjoy talking to him more than Red. Cause usually it's about school or about fun things and funny videos or much lighter topics overall than Red's. Or about the future.

And Choskey is a natural need. I didn't just fall in love with him because of the cute avatar or because we hanged out a lot, I needed Choskey. My unconscious mind knew I needed Choskey. Especially once I realized we could talk for hours well until the sun comes up which we did many times. I needed Choskey so much and it's been such a long time coming that I got denied from once when Ronnie was still a possibility.

I've needed this. Somebody who would not only spend time with me better and be easier to talk to, but also help keep me and Red together too. He's always trying to get me and Red to spend more time together. And while even for Red for a while it was shameful to admit that we needed someone like Choskey in our life, things have gotten a lot better even for him because of Choskey. And he's growing into it extremely well now. He's loving me more because of him.

And socially it works out because I have the greatest range of interaction when I can express affection as well. I don't do very well when it comes to public speaking. Like if I were to try to pull off the same kind of funny speech dunkey has, or do any kind of impressions, like I can't do that. I can't come up with topics. I can't do the same kinds of things other people do with their regular friends. So if I could be affectionate with whuffy or cat noises like I do with Red, it becomes much easier to have a good time with someone even when I have nothing to say. And that is also partly why I wanted a third person in our relationship. Red and I have antics that we can do that I can't do with anyone else and that cuts off a massive amount of my social interaction when Red isn't there. Unless I were to do something similar with someone else. And that's also why I need Choskey. I've spent so much time with Red and I've been so reliant on him for anything social that I know my way around that type of social dynamic better than a normal one.

Ronnie was a predeveloped poorly thought out interest to solve a problem that we've had for eons. But Choskey fits us much better than he ever would have. And we are old. So it also works out that I am not robbing some younger adult's early years of their adulthood to be part of our relationship. It's a win-win even without you making me an enemy. If I hadn't suffered major damage and grew so mature afterwards I'm not sure if I ever would have been ready for someone like Choskey to enter our lives, so that is the only thing I have to thank you for.

The poise I have now, the easy way I can talk whenever we're talking about anything deep. The way I keep to myself these days on twitter. It's because I was deeply emotionally wounded and healed that I am able to talk so fluently and be so readily accepting. I am not the same angsty dynamite that I used to be. I can be so angry and so furious off stage in the backwaters where Choskey and Red can't see, but you know full well that it is deserved. You were extremely unlucky to meet me before you hurt me. Things would have been very different in the present with me fully learned and fully grown, whether things end well for you or not.

And I know how your shit works. I know the angrier I get the more you validate your hate. There is nothing easier to gratify than a group who's chosen a target. But I stopped caring the moment you broke into my life uninvited. Nothing will ever change the fact that my crimes were forgiveable and yours were not.

I aimed to be more mature because it is the one battlefield you couldn't even set foot on. The one place you can't even reach me.

And yeah I get that my relationship issues are not ideal from a traditional standpoint, whether it's a gay one or not. Most people would just stick with one and leave it at that by standard. And most people wouldn't want to be the one that disturbs that in any way. There are reasons to be cautious around me. But some people are not content to leave it at that. Enemies are enemies, whether the true reasons are trivial or not, the hate can wish for more.

[antihcroes]

lowkey thinking about maybe converting my stuff to a carrd because if my muse list keeps growing like it is, i feel like the pinned post muse list might get kind of messy/lengthy? so i'm gonna look into that (if anyone has suggestions for good ones, i'll take them!). anyways it's nearing midnight but i'm finally here, i ... am likely going to be here all night and into the morning, i really need to stay up to get my sleeping schedule fixed before my taylor show on saturday so yeah. goals for tonight will be the carrd if i find one, getting callie & raine's bios up, & getting mcu gwen's info up & then those starters & general writing/drafts/etc. i really need to get my shit together & get more ooc stuff taken care of, like i have several hcs i wanna post & my queue is at 12 but ... those are more things to work on over the week/etc. anyways as per usual i'm on some come hit me up in the ims/disco for chatting & plotting & such!

[13feathers]

I guess I'll start by saying. It's a windy day on the coast of new England ,

the sun is planning to set soon and I'm only working three days this week due to thanksgiving. So I'm kind of looking forward to a four day weekend. But to be honast. Part of me is not.

I used to be happy. Lately I haven't.

I tried to find a mental health advisor, therapist, shrink, call them whatever you want. But that became more of an issue due to scheduling and working a full time job. Nothing ever lined up. Wether it was the shrink or the times available or both...

I'm not suicidal. I'm actually pretty sane. And that'll be understood I guess , by you...the reader ...after a little time and words.

I've just been dealt a load of shit over an extended period of time. And I need to vent. I need to get it out. I couldn't keep up with downturns. So I started watching psych professors on line to try and figure out alot of what's going on in my head.

Beleive me. I'm not one to look outwardly for help with my mental state. I've always tried to hold it together. Beleiving whole heartedly that I could figure it out on my own and proud. Very proud of the fact that I got through alot of a hard life sanity intact.

But now I find myself in a bit of a depression. And winter's setting in.

I'm not scared. I just want out. I want me back. The real me. Not this tired , down, version. The happy, fun loving, charasmatic, artful, soulful , unabreviated version that I used to be.

So I'm gonna write. Cause that's what I do.

I'm a songwriter. A writer of prose. A terrible speller. A social drinker of words and concepts and ideas , be it brilliant, blatant, or foolish. As long as they're fresh to the ears or attacked from new angles.

To calm the ruminating thoughts in my head recently. I thought back on a book I read long ago. And recently re read. Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance.

In it the writer describes mechanics as not art. But the opposite of art. Rational thought. The equations add up. If you do this and follow specs then it works. What's supposed to happen. Happens.

Hear me out.

I'm a songwriter. And at the moment , My emotional state is unregulated. Songwriting and writing in general, used to be the tool I used to vent all of that emotion out of me. But I've gotten overloaded.

I've tried to write. But the subject matter gets too deep and disgusts me to write about it. It's become more rhuminating , arguing with ghosts on a page I'd rather leave blank.

So I needed something to do that only allows rational thought.

My brother was a crack head back in the 80's. Man he put my family, my mom and me through hell with the stealing and lieing and waste his life had become back then.

I might go into detail about that time later but for now let's just say it was bad. Especially after just losing our father a couple years previous at 45 yrs old. I was 15 at the time. 17 when my brother got really bad with the crack.

but one day. Something changed.

He wanted to get clean.

We were planning on selling the only house I ever knew and my mom planned on fixing it up. My brother needed to keep his mind occupied on something other than drugs.

He'd sleep all day but at dusk he'd wake up. And he'd knock on my bedroom door. C'mon he'd say. We're gonna paint the stairwell , or were gonna put a new run down in the living room or were gonna put lolly collumns under that sag in the kitchen floor and I'd get up. And I'd follow him to whatever job we were doing that night. And I'd stand there. And watch.

Oh it didn't start out that way... I had every intention of helping but see , my brother had this way of wanting to show me how to do things. That meant even if I knew how to do things better than he did sometimes. So I'd watch. And by the time he was done explaining how to do the job. He was finished with it. So , there ya have it. I watched.

See my brother didn't need any help. He was strong as a bull and knew as much as anyone about building and remodeling. All he wanted was for me to stand there. And listen.

In the beginning there was alot of showing me how. Sometimes silence, ... That's when I knew he was in his head and the craving were bad. But then he'd start talking again. And that's when the realness of why I was there entered the picture.

He'd try to teach me how to do things. He'd talk and I'd listen and he'd tell me stories and spew what we referred too as useless knowledge. But sometimes. He'd tell me things. Things he needed to admit to someone. Admit to himself take responsibility for things out loud hold hiself accountable for wrongs How much crack he'd do. How he started in the first place , the stuff he'd do when he was on it or for it. Those were hard nights to listen too. when he finally realized he needed to get sober. it was his way of atoning for the guilt of it all. And I was the one who he confided all that too. But he needed that rational thought. That zen work. That kept his mind from rhuminating on his addiction. And that's why I'm writing this.

He went on to marry his highschool sweetheart who stuck by him through his bullshit. And he had four kids with her and raised them all with her.

Me and my bro used to build motorcycles. We built everything actually. Starting from when we were young. Go carts turned into bicyles then minibikes turned into motorcycles then cars, then crack....... For him. And he was there. But gone for a while. When he got clean. Bikes came back into the picture. Harley's BSA's Norton's, triumphs, we built em. Even a few cb 750s in savior frames.

My dad was a master mechanic and a songwriter / musician. Me and my brother kinda got that from him. My bro, he was the master machanic who dabbled in playing guitar. I was the songwriter with bands who dabbled in machanics.

I really not sure if I'm rambling , I'm really not sure if anyone's gonna want to read this anyway. But I need the release so I'm taking it. But to try to tie this all up and bring it back ......

We lost our mom to matastisized breast cancer in 2011. I was her caregiver. Just as she was the caregiver for my grandmother and my great grandmother before her.

In summer of 2020 , after I had just gotten out of a very bad relationship with an abusive gf I lost my brother to a heart attack. 3 months later I lost my sister to closet alchaholism.

I thought things were looking up last year tho until my last relationship also turned sour and ended pretty badly.

All of that kinda sent me on a downward spiral of depression with pretty much my entire support group now gone.

And then , in October of this year I lost my niece. My brothers daughter. Who's only 4 days younger than my own daughter.

It's alot. But like I said. I'm gonna try to write myself better.

So upon realizing I'm in over my head with my head. I needed a little zen work, rational thought, something to do outside of the constant overthinking so instead of home improvement. I decided to start building a vintage motorcycle. You'll be seeing the work on here eventually. It's the first build by myself. Without my bro telling me I'm doing it wrong.

And the second part. I need an ear. Someone to listen. Or at least an abyss to scream into... And that's where you come in....

So I might throw in some words, maybe elaborate and write myself through some of the feelings I have about these things I've written tonight. And maybe even a few songs.

For now I think I'm done for the night.

And thank you very much for reading.

[wonderwomanfantasy]

motherfucker

anyways end of the series part one part two part three

Atsumu x reader

warnings: smut, title kink?, pregnancy, angst, love-hate relationship, swearing.

word count: 2,500 (about)

summary: you hate your husband, Atsumu, and he loves you he loves you so so much. and well now there's just one more person in your life that you can't deal with and Atsumu loves.

Atsumu was having a great night before you shoved him off the bed. He went crashing to the floor taking the covers down with him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he cried his voice garbled and raspy. His head ached and his vision was blurry around the edges hungover.

“What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you?” you spat looming over him still on the bed shoving your hand in his face so he could see the cheap gold ring. Oh. Oh. He grinned.

“Is that any way to wake up your husband?” he teased, holding up his own hand showing you the matching ring. Oh, you were so going to kill him. Before you could get something to hit him with he scrambled to his feet and looped his arm around your waist pulling you against his chest and kissing you. You melted against him kissing him back. You were so responsive to him. He pushed you back laying you down on the bed.

“We could be spending this morning a lot more pleasurably, If you’d just shut up,” he hummed trailing his hand down your bare chest.

“We’re getting this annulled,” you huffed. Atsumu ignored that and kept kissing you moving his hands up and down your body. He’d loved you since he’d met you, and he kept loving you even after the breakup, he wasn’t ready to let you go. You spread your legs for him, your poor puffy cunt looking abused from the night before, he’d have to be gentle with you.

“You can’t just fix this with sex,” you snapped digging your hands in his hair holding him close as you rolled your hips against his hand. He just hummed. Fucking watch me, he thought.

Atsumu kissed you slow and tenderly as he gently pet your clit. He didn’t even push his fingers inside of you just slowly teasing your entrance you squirmed against him whimpering pathetically against his lips. You wanted more, no you needed more.

“Who’s making you feel good?” Atsumu asked possibly. You blinked up stupidly at him, your mouth slightly agape as you tried to figure out what he meant.

“Y-you are Tsumu,”

“I know princess but that’s not what I’m looking for,” he teased

“Daddy,” you tried again, he shook his head. You balled your fists in the sheets and averted your gaze. You wouldn’t say it, you didn’t think you could force the words out of your mouth. Atsumu ran his tongue over the shell of your ear before grazing the lobe with his teeth, sending a shudder down your spine. Fuck. he knew you too well.

“My husband- My husband is making me feel good,” you cried out. Atsumu shuddered, he had already resolved not to fuck you, just loosen you up a little bit but hearing you cry out like that.

“That’s right baby, your husband,” he whispered. Your husband was going to make you cum.

This time Atsumu was determined to make things work with you. His fucked schedule usually meant he was away for weeks at a time, but it seemed to work with you. If anything it seemed like you’d kill him if you had to spend any more time with him.

As it where the two of you had a nice little schedule. When he was in town, you’d spend as much time together as you could. You’d go on dates and sleep together and generally be a happily married couple, he even bought you a real ring, although he hadn’t given it to you yet. It felt too intimate to propose to you again. Then he’d leave for a game and he’d call you at night, or if you were in different timezones whenever would be night for you.

You’d tell him about your day, and listen about his. Sometimes he told you he loved you, you pretended you didn't heat that. He almost always told you he missed you because he did. that, at least you said back to him. He just didn’t know if you meant it.

Atsumu woke up with you in your bed. He smiled and snuggled closer to you, kissing the crown of your head. You blinked up at him sleepily. And smiled. “Good morning baby,” he croaked.

“When did you get home?” you asked rolling on top of him and stroking his cheek, matching his grin with one of your own.

“Late late last night, way too late to wake you up,” he said pulling you down into a sweet loving kiss.

“I’m sorry baby, I let you get back to sleep,” you said, moving to roll off of him. Tsumu clamped his hands around your waist. Like hell he was letting you go.

“I slept on the flight,” he grumbled, kissing you again. Breathing in your scent feeling your skin and just holding you. His wonderful beautiful spouse. He’d missed you. He kissed you slowly, his jaw working as your mouth moved with his. You stroked his jaw and held him.

“So what’s first now that you’re home? Coffee or Sex? or do you want to go in the kitchen and combine the two?” you asked.

“Fuck you’re perfect, I love you,” he laughed. You flinched. He said it so often you should be used to it now. You weren’t. You were still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to come home and tell you that he found someone else, that this wasn’t working, he wanted more he wanted someone else.

You looked down at him and smiled, running your thumb over the shitty ring that turned your finger green. You loved him so so much.

“Show me how much you missed me," you said leaning down like you were going to kiss him, his eyes fluttered shut waiting before your lips touched his you leaped off of him and ran away, Atsumu spluttered and tripped over himself chasing after you.

“HEY!” he shouted rounding the corner, you had a good head start on him but he was the athlete after all you shrieked when he scooped you up in his arms taking you down to the couch.

“Gotcha-” he laughed and started kissing every piece of you he could get at, tickling you. At first, the kisses were fun and playful but quickly he started nipping at your neck and sucking on your skin. His eyes glowing with lust.

“Guess you don’t want coffee,” you teased.

“Not right now,”

“What do you want?”

“I want you naked,”

Atsumu licked his lips and he watched you strip beneath him. He never tired of seeing your body laid out like this for him.

“Atsumu, move I can’t get my shorts off,” you said pushing against his chest. Atsumu easily yanked the rest of the clothing off of your body leaving you in nothing but your wedding ring. You sucked in a sharp breath of air, he was in a mood today.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he groaned dragging his nails over your stomach before kissing you passionately twisting your nipples between his fingers. You gasped and Atsumu slipped his tongue in your mouth. For a while, you just kissed but you could feel Atsumu’s cock growing hard against your thigh,

“Baby, do you remember what you promised?” Atsumu asked his dark with lust. You gulped. Atsumu had gotten needy and horny while he was away and you’d sent some filthy messages to help him get off, one including the first thing you’d do for him when he got back.

Atsumu shifted off of you and you slid to the carpeted floor resting between his spread legs. You looked up at the tent in his boxers and the faint blush crossing his cheeks.

“Don’t keep me waiting,” he said, sliding his underwear down the fabric pooling at his feet. You spat in your hand and started palming his length before leaning down and licking the head of his cock, running your tongue over his slit making him moan. Atsumu groaned and reached down carding his fingers through your hair and pushing your head down forcing his dick into your mouth. You choked when his length bumped the back of your throat.

You felt his dick throb at the sound, fucking bastard. You relaxed your throat and took him all the way down, your nose nuzzling against his pubes.

“Fuck baby- I can feel you drool on my balls,” he moaned, pulling your head back before thrusting back in. you could feel your eyes begin to water as he fucked your mouth, Atsumu only groaned in pleasure when he saw the tears spilling over onto your cheeks.

“Yeah baby you look so good drolling over my cock, letting me fuck your throat fuck,” he moaned “tell me you like it,” he snapped, pulling his cock out of your mouth and smacking the side of your face with his dick.

“I-I love it,” you rasped, “I love sucking my husband’s cock.” Atsumu’s body convulsed and he hissed out a long string of expletives. He offered his dick to you again and you took him back into your mouth hallowing your cheeks around his length sucking on him and licking his shaft. You didn’t get much time to go down on him the way you liked before Atsumu grabbed you by the hair and started thrusting into your mouth making you gag and cry. He felt a little guilty hurting you like this but that slight guilt was massively outweighed by how fucking hot it was to see you cry.

He looked down at you and saw you were looking back up at him, a hand between your legs stroking your cunt. As you sucked him off.

“Fuck fuck baby, just like that keep touching yourself keep touching that slutty pussy,” he ordered, his hips jolting off the couch to force his cock deeper into your mouth. You blinked up at him more tears bubbling out of your eyes as you obediently continued to finger yourself.

“Shit I’m going to cum I’m going to cum-” he let out a sharp cry pulling out of your mouth before cumming all over your face. You were lucky enough to close your eyes before he gave you a pearl necklace.

“Shit baby that was perfect,” he groaned, helping you to your feet and pulling you into his lap, then just because he was a sweetheart he whipped off your face with his boxers after of course, he burned the image of your face dripping with his cum into his mind.

“My throat hurts,” you complained.

“Awe poor baby, let me make it up to you,” he cooed, positioning you to be straddling his thigh. He gripped your hips with his large hands dragging you back and forth over his leg. You moaned and rolled your hips against his leg. Atsumu dipped his head and sucked on your tits, licking your nipples and leaving his mark on your chest. He kept moving your hips until you came on his leg.

“Jesus Tsumu,” you panted. He smiled nuzzling your neck and kissing your cheek. “I’m exhausted and you haven’t even fucked me yet.” he smiled

“Let's get some coffee and see if that makes you feel ready to go,” he teased, taking you to the kitchen. “I’m nowhere close to done with you,”

You were sitting in the bathroom your stomach swirling. Atsumu was gone, overseas for a game. You looked down at the little stick in his hands. Shit.

Atsumu never really checked his phone at practice, and he didn’t even take his phone to games, so even though he texted him around eight in the morning, he didn’t see it until almost eight at night.

Bokutou was bouncing around the room and Hinita was bouncing with him, each of them trying to jump higher than the other. Mean was shotgunning a monster energy drink, Omi omi was yelling at Barnes for slipping women's underwear into his overnight bag, hitting the other man with the bra for emphasis.

Atsumu never really minded using his room as the spot for the after game party, but he kind of wished that he was alone right now so he could call you and tell you goodnight, it was getting late at home and he didn’t want to keep you up waiting for him. Maybe he could slip into the hall for a couple of minutes.

It wasn’t like he was keeping you a secret from the rest of the team, but he just hadn’t mentioned it and no one asked about his dating life. He flicked his phone on and saw your text.

Wifey for lifey: I just found out I’m pregnant. Call me when you can. good luck on your game.

He felt his knees go weak. His hands trembled as he read the message again and again and again.

“Miya, what are you looking at? You’re smiling like a lunatic,” Sakusa asked, shoving his shoulder and snapping him out of his funk. Atsumu grinned.

“My wife is pregnant,” he proudly announced to everyone. The room exploded with noise.

“What?” “you’re married?” “who the hell did you knock up?” “WIFE?” Atsumu smiled, basking in the attention.

“TSUM-TSUM! You didn’t invite me to your wedding?” bokutou asked sounding genuinely hurt. Now Atsumu had to backtrack.

“We were drunk and got married about a year ago, it wasn’t a real wedding but you know technically we’re spouses,” he said with a casual shrug the grin coming back to his face.

“And now I’m going to be a dad, Jesus a dad can you believe that?” he laughed, omi looked disgusted. Atsumu excused himself into the hall and called you.

“Baby! Are you serious? You’re pregnant?” he cheered the second you picked up the phone

“Yes.” your voice sounded weak and broken.

“Hey, sweetie what’s wrong?” he asked softening his choice.

“I’m fucking pregnant that’s what’s wrong-” you snapped. “I didn’t want this, we didn’t plan for this, how am I supposed to take care of a baby Atsumu? I work a full-time job and you’re never here, this kid is going to be miserable with neither parent home!” you shouted and he could tell by your voice that you’d been crying. His stomach dropped, he wished he was here for this, so he could hold you and make it all alright.

“Shh baby, we’ll be fine, I promise,” he whispered over the phone. “We can get a nanny, or a sitter, I’ll work it out that I can spend more time at home I promise,” he assured you but you kept sobbing over the phone. Atsumu felt his heartbreak and he wondered if he could catch a red-eye flight and get home tonight.

“Let’s talk about it when you get home,” you said through a shaky breath. Atsumu nodded, then realized what he’d done and verbally agreed.

“I love you,” he said, “i love you so much sweetheart, we’ll make it work,” he said. You sniffled.

“I love you too, I watched your game you did a great job,” you said, he smiled a flush of pride bubbling up in his chest.

“Awe it was nothing, thank you I’m always glad to know you’re watching, cheering for me,” he whispered. His heart was in his throat, you'd said you loved him. and Atsumu went back to the party raging in his hotel room.

Someone had started a drinking game, he knew he could drink all of these losers under the table, but strangely he didn’t feel like partying right now.

[her-world-on-fire]

Public Eye {Jason Todd x Reader}

MASTERLIST

REQUEST HERE

Word Count: 2,933    

A/N: Sorry I meant to have this out weeks ago, but I ended up rewriting it entirely. <3

Request:  Hi!!!!! I just started reading all your fics and i love them so much. if  it’s not too much to ask can you write one where jason and like a  rockstar or actress meet and have a thing, but hes not sure whether it  will work out because of how much attention she gets from the media?  Thank you so much and i hope you are doing well and staying safe❤️✨

JASON ADJUSTED the buttons of his shirt once more. His hands trailed to his collar bone, he undid another button. He hated wearing dress shirts. He knew Bruce would throw a fit if he didn’t. He had to try to blend in. He always hated going to these benefits. There was always a chance he could be recognized. That was the last thing he needed. Every time someone made eye contact with him, he tensed up. His face was scarred, there was no hiding it. His hands were calloused and full of cuts and bruises. He kept his hands crossed over his chest or inside the pockets of his slacks.

Bruce had asked him to come to his office, there was nothing good about that. He knocked on the door before entering. Bruce, Tim, Dick an Damien were already there. Each of them dressed for the occasion. Tim had finally ran a comb through his hair. Dick had shaved. Even Damian looked presentable. Bruce gave Jason a short nod. “I have assignments for each of you. We have several high profile targets all in one room.” Bruce was hosting his annual gala. He was raising money for charities by auctioning off several intricate gadgets produced by Lucius Fox. Some of the richest people in Gotham were to be in attendance.

“I’m giving you each a sector. I assigned tables with consideration. Make sure your guests stay where they are supposed to. Keep an eye on any suspicious guests.” The boys all nodded and Bruce showed a map on the screen. He had the room divided into 5 quadrants. He assigned the quadrants, “Tim sent the file to your phones. Do not loose your guests. They start arriving in 5 minutes. I suggest you get down there.”

The boys exited the room. All of them looking at their phones to see their guests. All but Jason. The last thing he wanted to do was babysit rich brats for the night. He knew most of them didn’t care about the charity. They were there to show off their money. They wanted the tech. Most of them were corrupt species of shit. They were born into old money and never worked a day in their life. A silver spoon in their mouth. They made him just as sick as the criminals he fought every night.

“Holy shit, look at Jason’s table.”

“Y/N and--” Jason didn’t hear the second name. He stopped in his tracks. He pulled out his phone, he had to be sure. He looked over the table. Y/N L/N. Dick looked back at Jason. The two boys went ahead. “Do you need me to talk to Bruce-” Jason shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“Well you don’t look fine.”

Y/N was a family friend. They grew up together and were very close. That was until Jason took on the role of Robin. He became obsessed. He spent all of his time training, and he neglected his friend. Y/N had moved away to pursue a career in music. He read about his childhood friend in the papers. 

Y/N donates 5 million for displaced youth.

The lists went on and on. Y/N wanted to help and make a difference. They spoke now and again when Y/N came back home. But they had been touring for the past 2 years.

He had never gotten a chance to formally apologize. He sighed. It was going to be a long night.

---------------------------------------------------

I opened the door, and the flashes of cameras bombarded me. It was difficult to navigate. The flashes were extremely bright, trying to capture any imperfection. I kept my head forward and walked quickly inside the building. I tried to get out of the benefit. I left a generous donation and planned on staying in for the night.

Bruce insisted I attend. I caved. I still had jet lag from the trip back. I had just left Spain after wrapping up a tour. I didn’t anticipate I would be flying back home. The door man helped me in. Reporters were hollering over each other like vultures. I thanked the man and he handed me a card. Table B3. I walked down the corridor, my eyes still adjusting to the light.

The walls were covered in intricate art. Bruce always had an appreciation for the arts. I decided to admire it as I braced myself for a long night. Most just walked right by, not even giving a glance at the art before them. I took a closer look and admired the seamless blend. I noticed at the top of the stairs there was a group of men. I recognized all three. Dick Grayson, the eldest of Bruce’s adopted children. Tim Drake, the 19 year CEO and second youngest son. And Jason Todd. His eyes had been fixed somewhere else. Dick nudged him, and his eyes met mine. He stood up straight.

I looked back at the art work. We hadn’t had a formal conversation on years. We had just made passing conversations. Nothing intricate.

“Hey.” Jason called, and I looked at the bottom of the stairs where he was standing. I approached him. “Hey.” I replied.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” I shrugged laughing a little, “I didn’t either. I was going to stay in but Bruce insisted I come. I couldn’t say no.” He chuckled. It was definitely something he would do. Jason was sure he had his reasons. But more importantly, he knew that Jason needed to resolve a few things.

“You look great.” He pointed out. I smiled, as I felt the blood rush to my face. “You’re not so bad yourself.” Jason paused. He looked like he was in deep thought. Just as he was about to say something, Bruce’s voice came over the intercom. He requested that everyone be seated. Jason extended his elbow, and escorted me to my table.

“You’re not going to sit here?”

“I would love to, but Bruce has us working.”

---------------------------------------------------

We were 3 hours in and I was just on my last legs. My chin rested on my hand. The man at my side had been trying to talk to me. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but the jet lag was really effecting me. I didn’t have a chance to acclimate to the new time zone. The alcohol didn’t help much either.

I smiley politely, “Excuse me.” I got up from the table and walked back to the entrance. I had stayed 3 hours, that had to be enough for Bruce. I moved into the bathroom. I sighed as I leaned against the sink. The lack of sleep was starting to show. I had a hectic schedule back in Spain. Early morning shoots that lasted until late hours of the night. Publicity events and meetings with managers. I wanted nothing more than to just be in my bed for the rest of the night.

I decided I was leaving. I didn’t call my personal driver. I didn’t want to bother him. He deserved a night off. I exited the bathroom and pulled out my phone. I looked up, and saw Jason. The door opening turned his head in my direction.

“Everything alright?” He asked. I nodded, “I just needed a break from that table.” I joked, he nodded a small chuckle coming from his lips.

“These just aren’t really for me. I was just about to head out. It was nice to see you again.” I moved to the stairs. The few drinks I had were starting to take effect. Or perhaps it was the lack of sleep, but the stairs looked wobbly. “Do you have a car coming for you?” He asked, and I turned back slowly. I looked at him and nodded slowly. Judging by the look in his eyes, not very convincingly. Somehow, he knew I was lying. “I could take you.”

I shook my head, “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

He walked over and raised an eyebrow, “I don’t think you should go out by yourself tonight.”

“I’m completely fine.” I turned to walk back down the stairs, and I hovered over the next step. I could feel myself loose balance. I left a strong arm pull me back. “What was that?”

I lost track of time. When I came to I was inside a car. I inhaled deeply and looked to my left. Jason looked over. “Look who’s awake.” I ran my hands through my hair. I could feel the headache in the back of my head starting to form. “I guess this isn’t how you imagined spending your night.” I looked over and he shook his head. “Those aren’t my thing either. You gave me an out.”

It brought a smile to my lips. I looked outside of the window. I had missed it. “Every time I come back, I forget how beautiful it is.” Jason turned to me, curiosity glimmered in his eyes. “What brought you back?”

“I have a project I need to oversee.” I tried to stay away. I had lived in a few different places, but none of them ever felt like home. I always found myself longing for Gotham’s skyline. Something just kept bringing me back.

We arrived not long after. I moved to get out by myself but Jason rushed to my side of the door. He helped me out. I leaned against him and held me up. I stumbled inside. “Do you think you can make it okay?” I nodded, and once again he saw right through it. He helped me up the stairs. “I’m so tired of all these goddamn stairs.” Jason laughed, he was handling this very well. He didn’t struggle supporting me against him. His breath didn’t falter as he walked up all the steps to my bedroom.

He opened the door and helped me sit on the bed. “I swear I’m not always like this. Jet lag and alcohol, but never again.” His blue eyes glimmered with fascination. “Get some sleep.”

--------------------------------------------------- 

I woke up to my head pounding. I began to regret those drinks.  When I looked at my phone I saw I had a missed call from Jason. I called back and he informed me I had left a few things in his car.

I arrived at Jason’s apartment. I tried my best to be as inconspicuous as possible. I came alone, and wore dark sunglasses and a baseball cap. Jason greeted me at his doorstep. I walked in and he closed the door behind me. I hadn’t seen any press. It seemed we were in the clear.

He invited me to sit down. “How’s that headache?” I laughed, “I’m hanging in. I’m not sure if I thanked you in my drunken haze. But thank you for getting me home last night, I really appreciate it.”

“It was nothing, really.”

A silence washed over us. All the unresolved feelings that had been festering for years, rose to the surface. Jason sat up. “Listen, I want to apologize-”

“Jason, it was ages ago. You have nothing to apologize for.” He shook his head. “But I do. I just disappeared, without any explanation. I’m sorry.”

In truth it broke my heart. My best friend was gone. I didn’t know if he was okay, or even where he was. But he didn’t know any better. He had the chance to live a better life, and he took that opportunity. It would be selfish to expect him not to. “I understand, really I do.”

He was the reason why I did so much outreach work. I saw firsthand how much he struggled after loosing his parents. “Actually, would you want to help me with this project?” He knitted his eyebrows together. “Tell me about it.”

I explained my ideas to him, and he was in.

We spent the next few months trying to get through all the red tape. With Bruce’s influence, it went a lot faster. As expected, we spent a lot of time together. I thought I was being careful. Until I woke up to frantic calls from my manager.

"Jason. I am so sorry.” The voice cried out, he immediately sat up recognizing this wasn’t Bruce. He leaned his back against his bed frame and rubbed his face. “Woah, what are you talking about?” He asked, completely in the dark about whatever was going on. He heard a sigh on the other end of the line. His heart rate sped up as he waited for the news in anticipation. “The papers, they took photos of us and they’re spinning some kind of narrative.”

The blood in his face drained. His eyes opened wide and he held the bridge of his nose in frustration. He was quiet as he tried to think. He got up from his bed and took his computer. He opened up his browser and started typing.

Y/N spotted with unidentified man, sources suggest they may be together

He clicked on the article. He could see the pictures of them. One from the night they met. He held onto Y/N as they walked up inside together. He continued to scroll down. A source had claimed they were “all over each other” since the benefit. He scowled, did they have nothing better to do then micromanage every aspect of someones life?

“I can arrange an interview and clear it up-”

“You don’t have to do that, it’s not your fault.” He sighed and slammed the computer shut. “We can talk about it later.” He briefly said goodbye and then hung up.

He tried to calm the unease he felt deep down. His worst fears beginning to come true. He was always cautious. He never took photographs like the rest of the family. He tried his best not to give his name out. But he threw every bit of common sense out of the way the moment he met Y/N. He used his real name. He had gotten his picture taken. All of his own rules he had adhered to for 2 years were broken in one night. He never looked back.

He was thirteen when he died. He spent 5 years training and operating in Gotham before Bruce found him. He had changed a lot since then. His adoption wasn’t as publicized as Dick’s was. Jason’s name had hardly even been mentioned in the papers. It was going to take a lot of detective work to try and piece everything together.

Who was going to believe that he came back from the dead?

--------------------------------------------------- 

As soon as I opened my door I was met by Jason. I planned on sneaking away and meeting him. It would be easier to get away then to hide in my own home. The press frequented the streets, everyone hoping to make the next headline. “Please, come in. I’m so sorry-”

“Do you want this?” He asked quickly. I blinked in shock as I tried to get an answer out. I knew exactly what he was asking. He wanted to know if I had feelings for him.

Growing up I always thought we were going to be inseparable. I took it hard after he left. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. People will come and go, that’s just the way it is. I just never expected him to go because I loved him. And I thought he loved me too.

I tried hard to push away my feelings until they finally went away. But some nights, I laid awake thinking about what could’ve been. What if I told him how I felt, would he have stayed? My biggest regret was never telling him how I felt. Now he was standing in front of me asking if I had feelings for him.

But now, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He hated being in the spotlight. but that was my entire life. Every move I made was put on public display. I traveled a lot, and my schedule was spastic. I would be in different times zones for months at a time.

Jason looked at me pleading. His blue eyes never broke contact with mine. “You don’t want to come in?” I offered, as I looked past him to assure there were no reporters. He stayed in place. I realized he wanted to answer here and now. I sighed, and closed my eyes.

“Of course I do, Jason.” I whispered. My eyes were still closed. I was too afraid to open them. What if I had just ruined everything? Jason placed his hands on either side of my face. I slowly opened my eyes.

“I do too.” He continued, “And I’m going to stop letting other people dictate how I live my life.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

“We’re going to figure this out. I promise.” He whispered against my lips.

“Come on, we’re giving the neighbors a show.” I said, making Jason chuckle. I took his hand and we walked inside, ready to handle whatever came next.

[amymel86]

Hello! Do you have any bits of your awesome writing to share for WIP wednesday?😍

I just saw this anon!

And thank you for asking <3

This is a bit more of this as yet untitled 'post-apocalyptic/fertility/modern arranged relationship???' fic. The first bit I posted on tumblr is here and as before, some things are not yet decided (like town names) and things may change...

“Are you sure this is what you want to do, darling?” Her mother’s voice on the telephone was a balm to her soul.

Sansa’s finger brushed the soft vivid petals of the small potted iris she’d bought at the store today. The iris symbolises hope, wisdom and courage among other things and she prays that the pretty purple and yellow bloom will lend her some of those. “I’ve got to try something, Mum,” she says, turning her attention to the two separate bundles of paper in front of her. Two men, two candidates, two different futures. Sansa had filled out all the matching service’s extensive questionnaires and scrutinised all the information she could find on the program. It seemed simple enough – you’re rewarded for helping to repopulate. In turn, the authorities help to pair you with someone who should be a good match dependant on all the information they have about you. The aim is that this new generation of children are raised in the traditional family unit. That had appealed to Sansa. “I can’t seem to find the right guy all on my own anyway,” she said into her phone.

“How do you know it will be safe, though?”

“It says here that my situation will be monitored by my own caseworker. I can call them any time I want. They’re not just going to drop me at the guy’s house and just leave us get on with it.”

“Hmmm... tell me about them? These men that they’ve narrowed down for you.”

“One’s called Waymar, he’s a financial advisor here in the Vale,” Sasna pauses, looking at the man’s photograph on his paperwork before fishing out the other. “And the other is called Jon, he owns a farm in the Reach.”

“None in the north then?” Her mother has been itching to get her back home. “I just wish there was a way to know that either of them were good men, Sansa. That’s all I want for you.”

Sansa put the two photos together. Two possible fathers for her child.

“That’s what I want too.”

***

“Shit! Holy fucking shit!” Jon says to himself, hanging up from his phone-call. “Mance!” he yells, bursting out of his trailer to find the old man. “Mance! It worked! It fucking worked!”

He’d relented. When Mance first put it to him that he should sign up for that weird government breeding program or whatever the fuck it was, he thought the old man’s last brain-cell must’ve fried up in the sun. But if they were going to make it easier for them and it meant Mance could keep the farm (and Jon could carry on living there rent free), then it was worth a shot. So he had relented. He’d filled out what seemed to be a gazillion and one questions about himself, his politics, his views on family and finances and education and fucking... art and shit. These damned government people wanted to know everything about him down to whether he scrunched or folded his toilet paper it seemed. He’d even had to lie. He didn’t like doing it, but there was no way that a fertile was going to pick him if he didn’t. So, he fished out an old photograph – one taken before the bar brawl that lost him his sight in one eye, and he’d also lied his asscheeks off by claiming he had ownership of the farm. He knew – he knew – that these lies are just more things that were going to trip him up one of these days but with Mance urging him on, he’d signed that damn form and offered himself up for the program.

And now a fertile had chosen him.

Him.

Fuck, he might throw up.

This can go one of two ways. Either completely up Shit Creek without a paddle – with his lies and reality crashing down on top of one another, leaving them exposed... or, his fertile somehow looks past his deceits and sticks with him and they-... well, shit, he could actually become a father. No-one becomes parents these days, especially not ‘round here. Fertiles flock to the big cities, to men with bigger pockets, or they work for couples who can afford to pay them off in exchange for a kid or two.

“It worked?” Mance asks, rolling out from under an old Ford pickup that needed a new exhaust. “They sendin’ us a peach?”

Jon shook his head. “They’re not sendin’ you anyone, old man. An’ don’t call her that – they’re-“ Fuck, what did the council call them on all that paperwork? “Reproductively abled.” He’ll have to remember that if he doesn’t want to offend her.

“Well, shit,” Mance grins. “What did I tell ya? Knew your pretty face was good for somethin’!”

Jon frowns. “Ain’t so pretty no more though.” He might have to go get himself a patch to cover his milky, sightless eye. It’s fine most of the time since Mance is the only one he sees unless he’s going to drink at Hobb’s, but he certainly doesn’t want to put off his ferti- reproductively abled friend who’ll be arriving in three weeks.

“She got a name? Your new peach?” Mance asked, earning him a glare.

“Sansa. Sansa Stark.”

Mance grunts and nods. “Sounds fancy.”

Yeah... It did sound kinda fancy he supposes. Jon’s first reaction had been that it was a mighty beautiful name, but now he thinks of it...

“Shame we can’t look her up – see if she’s a beauty or not.”

Jon can’t remember a time when that was an option. He was barely 11 at the highest point of the virus’s hold. Government officials had deemed certain channels on the internet were causing more harm than good by spreading false rumours, incorrect statistics and completely counterintuitive medical advice. The whole thing was shut down, now deemed illegal, only to be reconnected again three years later apparently looking like a foreign landscape from the one before. The internet was no longer a platform to socialise, only government approved informative sites remained. Mance says it’s better this way – that all people used to do was post vain images of themselves for attention anyway.

Jon wouldn’t mind seeing a vain image of Sansa Stark right about now though.

Not that it mattered terribly. As long as they get along and she decides to stick around she could be as ugly as sin. In fact, she probably will be, won’t she? Most pretty ferti- reproductively abled women stick to the cities and its high-fliers.

It doesn’t matter, he told himself. You just gotta keep her happy here and-

“Mance?” he asks, an issue coming to mind. The man grunts in acknowledgement. “Where the fuck is she gonna sleep? She’s not gonna want to stay in my trailer.”

The man grins in response. “I’m glad you asked, boy. I’m glad you asked.”

***

Her caseworker was meant to meet her at the train station. It was quite a drive to the farm and he was meant to pick her up, make sure she’s safe and happy and introduce her to Jon.

That hasn’t happened.

“Please accept my apologies, my dear,” Mr Baelish said down the other end of the phone. “There’s been a mix up with my schedule. We can set you up for the night at a local motel or ask your match to come and get you. Which would you prefer?”

Sansa eyes the dirty looking motel across the street from the train station. Everything here at [[INSERT TOWN NAME]] seems a little on the... rundown side. Maybe the sooner she gets to the farm, the better. Plus, her tummy is all a flutter with anticipation to actually meet Jon. She’d wound up swaying towards Jon as a match due to a few reasons; 1 – he does not live in, around, or anywhere near Harry or his crazy mother. 2 – he owns a farm, and that had conjured up hazy daydreams of idyllic country life. Sansa may enjoy big nights out in the city, drinking her dirty margaritas and feeling her bones vibrate against the base beat in a nightclub, but she knows that’s not what she wants to raise a child around. A child will want to run barefoot through wheat fields and chase chickens and milk cows and –

Let’s just say Sansa has a few ideas and that they all helped to sway her away from city pleasures and towards farmhouse life. And Jon

And last, but not least, reason number 3 – Jon himself. Put side-by-side, his and Waymar’s photographs looked rather similar if truth be told, but Jon won out on something that Sansa just couldn’t describe. Looking at his photograph gave her goosepimples along her forearms because it was like he was looking right back at her. There was something in the depths of his eyes – a kindness? A wit? A strength? She’s not sure, but she couldn’t find the same qualities when she stared at Waymar’s likeness. And his answers too. His questionnaire was full of how he’d like to teach a kid how to walk and ride a bike and fix a... a tractor for heaven’s sake! And so her head was flooded once more of this idyllic life where they got up to watch the dawn stretch over the farmland and they’d grow their own vegetables and she’d bake a pie every day and it would just be perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Sansa glances around the near abandoned train station.

This doesn’t look so perfect right now.

“Could you please arrange for Jon to come and get me, Mr Baelish?”

***

It’s been an hour and fifty-six minutes precisely since Sansa last spoke to Mr Baelish to arrange her match coming to get her. An hour and fifty-six minutes of sitting on the curb, waiting, surrounded by her three suitcases. She’d started off by sitting at the nearby bus stop, purely because it was somewhere to sit and she had a clear view of the road, but after the rude bus driver insisted that if she’s sat there, she must be wanting to hop on his bus, Sansa decided to park her butt on the dusty, sun-baked curb instead. Her legs were beginning to numb and she was starting to get a headache from the sun beaming down on her head. The curls she’d styled into her copper locks have likely lost their hold by now. What a waste. Opposite, on the other side of the street, beside the dirty little motel, there was a tiny bar that advertised the fact that it hosted exotic dancers at the weekends with a blinking neon sign. Next to it was a hunting and fishing ‘emporium’ and beside that was a vacant store with an old dirty sign that read ‘Blouses & More!’. Presumably, the ‘& more’ still wasn’t enough to keep that fine establishment in business in this funny little town. At the end of the block was ‘Tarly’s Drugstore’ and Sansa had been debating with herself whether or not she should haul her suitcases over to go buy a drink and a magazine for about the last hour and fifty-five minutes.

But she hadn’t wanted to miss Jon Snow’s arrival.

Jon Snow, who seemed to be pulling up outside Tarly’s Drugstore in a dusty Ford pickup truck right about now. Sansa stood, expecting him to come right on over considering how long she’d been waiting for him, but she found herself wondering if she’d got it all wrong when she hadn’t caught a good enough look at him before he darted straight into the store.

Sansa is done with waiting. She grabs her smallest case and places it on top of her larger one, trying her darnedest to roll all her luggage across the road in a lady-like fashion. She could feel the eyes of several passers-by on her while her stiletto heels clip across the street. In turn, her own gaze fell to Jon’s cream-coloured truck. Its front bumper looked a little rusty and wonky too. There was a big gash in the leather of the bench seating on the passenger side. On the truck bed, there were a number of items, including a rocking chair that seems to have a couple of spindles on the chair-back missing, and a new double bed mattress wrapped in clear plastic. Sansa was almost done frowning at the state of the vehicle when the over-door bell of the drugstore tinkles.

“Holy shit,” he curses. And yes, it definitely was Jon standing right in front of her. Only... well... his hair was tied into a knot at the back of his head and.... and... he was wearing a black eye patch? “Uh,” he stood there, arms laden with bottles from the store as the gaze from his one good eye quickly darted down her frame and back up again. “You’re her, right? You’re Sansa Stark?”

Sansa found she could only nod, looking him up and down, like he was with her. He was in jeans with oil smears, some tough, heavy looking boots, a somehow pristine white vest and flannel shirt with the arms ripped off.

Speaking of arms...

Gods-damn! Sansa’s focus was momentarily derailed...

“Sorry, I-“ Jon starts before his grey eye drops to the floor and then returns to her, looking a little bashful. “I didn’t expect you to be so pretty.”

Oh boy. He may be wearing an eye patch right now but this man could win over a thousand girls with that smile, Sansa’s sure of it. She resists the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl. She’s here to find out if they’re well suited enough to start a family together – she needs to keep her head and think rationally, not allow herself to be swayed by his rugged country boy charm. It was Harry’s looks that enticed her in the first place – and look how well that turned out for her?

“Thank you,” Sansa says, blinking back at him before his words truly hit home. “Didn’t they give you my photograph?”

Jon shook his head. “No, ma’am.”

Huh.

“Did they show you mine?”

Sansa bites her lip and gives a nod.

Jon grimaces. “So I guess you weren’t expecting this?” He points to his patch.

Sansa shakes her head. “No... did you... did you do something to injure it?”

Jerking his head, Jon begins rubbing at the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s a long story... but... it ain’t gonna get any better, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

“Oh.”

They stood, staring at one another for a heartbeat or five before Jon sucks in a breath over his teeth and glances down to the bottles he clutched to his chest with one arm. “I tried to get you some things to help you feel at home,” he says, “these are the nicest smellin’ soaps ‘n’ stuff from Tarly’s.”

“Thank you,” Sansa replies, knowing full well that she brought her Highgarden Floral Scents bathroom range with her.

Jon chews on his lip as he eyes her suitcases. “Lemme get those for you,” he offers before dumping the bottles in his arms into the truck bed and reaching for her luggage. Sansa’s heeled shoes seem welded to the spot. Jon notices. Scrubbing both hands down his face in resignation, he takes a step closer to her and Sansa realises for the first time, that he had dirt beneath his fingernails. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “It was a shitty thing for me to do,” he offers, his words low and husky. Sansa feels the timbre of his voice set off a trickle of gooseflesh down her spine. “I’m sorry.”

She blinks at him, momentarily confused.

“About this,” he explains, brows high on his head as he points to his patch. “I shouldn’t have sent that old photo of before this happened, but – fuck – even my ex-girl won’t acknowledge I exist anymore with this and I knew I shoulda been honest about it but-“

“This ex-girl...” Sansa suddenly found herself left with a sour taste in her mouth. “... does she still mean something to you?”

Jon licks at his lips, his eye falling briefly to her own. “No, ma’am,” he shakes his head.

[froggywritesstuff]

hihi! can i have a matchup req for encanto and stranger things? if not thats totally fine!!!

𝐈. 𝑨𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑪𝑬 + 𝑰𝑴𝑷𝑶𝑹𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑻 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑭𝑭 (APPEARANCE + IMPORTANT STUFF)

my name is sam!! i dont mind any pronouns but i prefer they/them a lot more! im pansexual (but have a strong leaning towards women but also men and sgshshahshhwhd everyones so hot)

i am a filipino non-binary, and have short fluffy/just never fixed or combed black hair (which i cut alone in my bathroom, and it kind of looks like shit LMAO) , dark brown eyes , im 5'5" , and usually dress in layered clothes or baggy clothes since i feel comfy that way!

im very fidgety and use a lot of hand gestures. with how much i play with my hair you'd think it wasnt tangled (spoiler alert: it is lol) , i also bite my nails a lot

my clothes that i wear at home are pretty dirty, and by dirty i mean they have paint and dog fur all over them. i also borrow steal /hj a lot of clothes from my friends or cousins!! most of my outdoor and indoor clothes are hand-me-downs, thrifted from a shop, from H&M, or clothes i wear all the time. (ex. my camp half-blood shirt and some black joggings with paint all over it)

𝐈𝐈. 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 (PERSONALITY)

im an intp-t and ambiverted!! my personality overall is sarcastic, funny (or at least i try to be-) , chaotic, talkative, moody, and i have a bit of anger issues, and some people describe me as a pushover :(

i have mood swings very frequently and im very very stubborn

i usually burst into song or have random bursts of energy at the worst times, and have a horrible sleep schedule

i also get distracted easily, have trouble remembering things, and have trouble with deadlines lmao

due to my horrible memory, i usually miss meals or forget important things like my laundry or cleaning my room. i always say ill make a list to check every morning, but i dont.

(also a funny way i like to describe my horrible memory is that every time i wake up its like the morning after getting dr3n1k cause the night before is a total blur)

i like a lot of things! but mainly drawing, flowers, watching movies, making jokes (theyre more sarcastic or sexual in a way- kind of like kenny mccormick or chandler bing-) , doing my eyeliner , games, skittles, dying and cutting my hair, styling outfits, painting, and talking with my friends!!

i also like telling stories and making little songs in my free time!!

i like greek mythology, making theories, and psychology!

my hobbies are gaming, art (in general), making little theories, and singing! i would add dancing but im not very good at that lol

𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑹𝑬𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 (love related)

my primary love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service!

𝐈𝐕. 𝑺𝑪𝑯𝑶𝑶𝑳 𝑹𝑬𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 (school related)

i try my best to get good grades in school, but i usually get a C or a B, maths and AP (araling panlipunan, its to learn filipino history) are the ones where i fail the most

𝐕. 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑻𝑯

i have a hard time taking care of myself and pass out a lot from lack of iron in my body (which i joke about a lot)

to add to this ^^ i also joke about bad things that happen to me which nobody laughs at except me

if you need anything else pls lmk or dm me!!

(sorry for the wait)

your Encanto matchup is...

Camilo

when you two first started dating, he begged Isabela to grow your favourite flowers for him to give to you. you knew they were from Isabela, but the gesture was still adorable

to be honest, he thinks your hand gestures are adorable

definitely plays with your hair if you'll let him

you two always go thrifting together

he 'borrows' your clothes, you 'borrow' his clothes. it's a good system

you two match chaotic energy

he loves your sarcastic humour

no matter how confused he might be, he doesn’t hesitate to sing along with you if you’re randomly bursting into song

he’s always reminding you things. he’s like your personal calendar, and whether that’s helpful or not, he doesn’t stop

the amount of times he asks you to do his eyeliner is more than he’d like to admit

he loves hearing all the songs and stories you make up, and he adores your singing voice

whether or not you think you’re good at it, he will dance with you

he’ll discuss any and all theories that you come up with

dates he plans are mainly movie marathons or playing video games

he loves all your drawings and pretty much any art that you do

he’s always down to help you style your hair

he doesn’t always do really well in school, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t try and help you study

the first time you passed out in front of him, he was terrified. he immediately dragged you to his tía Julieta and begged her to heal you (obviously she would be happy to help you without Camilo’s persuasive skills, but what can I say? Camilo’s a theatre kid at heart)

tells you ten times a day just how much he loves you

your Stranger Things match up is....

Max Mayfield

whenever you steal her clothes, she’ll act mad, but deep down she thinks it’s super cute

tries her best to stop you whenever you’re biting your nails

at first, she's a bit confused as to why you're randomly bursting into songs, but she still thinks it's adorable and hilarious

never admits it, but she loves your humour and jokes

she won’t hesitate to remind you of all the things you need to do, and is always making sure that you eat proper meals everyday

loves hearing all your theories, songs and stories, and she gets a tiny bit jealous if you tell someone before her

she thinks your dancing is hilarious and adorable

she’s obsessed with literally any type of art you do

on dates, she’ll always bring you flowers and bags of skittles for the two of you to share

loves gaming with you, but fair warning, she gets competitive 

always ready to help out with your hair in whatever way she can

movie marathons together all the time

in summary, she loves you. like, a lot. and if she thinks you don’t know it, she’ll most likely yell it out

@sammielikesfrogs hope you like it!

[katsumox]

bakusquad skating hcs

cw: cussing, bakugou being a bitch, cuteass couple shit?? idk

notes from candy girl: uhhh excuse my subpar writing, i dont do this v often, and you don't know how to skateboard in these.

also..... skaterboy brainrot fhrjisfnvksjn

BAKUGOU KATSUKI:

kirishima, denki and sero are the reason behind this menace on wheels

didn't really care for it until the boys got him into it but now he's such a skate elitist like shut uppppp

has certain fits for skating,,, stuff that makes him look good but can get scuffed up a bit

(hella techwear and darkwear. that is all)

one of those boys who are like, super into skating but only because he wants to be good at it

gets unreasonably pissy when anyone gets too close to him while skating

DEFINITELY quietly critiques everyone in the park while waiting to enter the bowl and shit

will talk hella shit about how great he is and how bad anyone else is

BOWL HOG BOWL HOG BOWL HOG URGGGGGHHHH

will legitimately attempt to fight you if you enter the bowl while he's doing a session

he's a good teacher if you wanna learn to do cool stuff fast, but he's kinda mean about your initial skill when you first start

will CACKLE at you if you eat shit while trying to skate

doesn't really night skate due to his grandpa-ass sleep schedule

is 100% the only guy here who takes his safety a teensy bit serious, but only wears kneepads and occasionally wrist guards

(under his clothes tho)

he'll make you wear all of it though, OVER your clothes, talking bout sum "You're not gonna fuck up your bones on a shitty skateboard with these on, got it, princess? Now relax, damn."

if you ask he'll just say its because you "Have weakass bones and need to save your strength for hero training, dumbass." not that he cares, though.

he doesn't

*wink wink*

KAMINARI DENKI:

does not give TWO SHITS about his safety while skating

(literally does not give a damn and has the gnarliest falls and scars because of it)

i don't even think he owns any pads or guards lmao

when he's not skating by himself or with the bakusquad, 9 times out of 10 he's skating with shinso

thinks he's a Cool Skater Boy**TM but kinda looks like he doesn't know what he's doing because he constantly does stupid shit

like he carries around monster energy and wears VERY specific fits just to skate, but fucks 'em up bc he does dumbass shit for laughs

pestered bakugou into getting a board along with kiri and sero

tailgates bakugou just to piss him off, but generally likes riding alone with music blasting in his ears at night time

has a playlist for it and everything

(has lost multiple pairs of airpods like this)

LOVES night skating in general and is always the one to suggest it to the rest of the squad because he likes the nighttime ~vibes~

(will take you night skating and share airpods with u<3)

has hella boards.

pennyboards, longboards, cruisers, etc.

would totally give you one to keep, sweet baby :')

SUCH A NICE TEACHER OMG

won't let you do anything too dangerous,,, he hates when you get hurt

if you do get hurt, he doesn,t have bandaids, but he'll kiss it better!!

kind of bad at explaining things so he tries to do it with you ON the board, and holds you while doing it :))))

"So, you uhm... you kinda just woosh, and then you do uhhh.."

"Denki, honey, why dontcha just show me?"

"Or.. what if we do it TOGETHER!! That'd be fun, wouldn't it, babes?!?"

this eventually leads to impromtu cuddling on the park bench<33333

KIRISHIMA EIJIROU:

this boy also does not wear protective gear

however... Red here has a valid reason,, i mean he can harden before anything really nasty happens

would 110% carry cute bandaids for ya if you ever fall

(key word is" if" because kiri takes your safety so damn serious it's probably not gonna happen)

typically throws on whatever he has to go skate but the main aesthetic is athlete meets streetwear

is the most likely to take you skating with his friends (he wants you all to get along aweeee)

secretly wants to go on a skate date really in the morning so the two of you can skate around, watch sunrise and then go for breakfast<3

gets SO annoyed when people take too long in the bowl

like hurry up bitch we've been waiting (but he won't say that cuz he's nice)

doesn't really know complex tricks like bakugou but is the best teacher in terms of getting balance and stuff

only has two or three boards because he used to accidentally break 'em a lot but would still give you one

he's so nice about how to skate,,,, like he corrects you so kindly and he'll fix your posture and stuff for you and ughhhhh<3333

will compliment you SO MUCH when you do something right!!

"Eiji,, im doin' it!"

"Aww you're doing great, babe!! Keep going and w-OAH SHIT"

ya'll took a break after that, because you ended up scraping up your knees and hands

its okay though because kiri had bandaids and kisses to make it better :)

SERO HANTA:

records denki + kirishima's stunt escapades for fun (sends a BUNCH of snaps of them doing dumb shit while they're out)

wears all protective gear besides helmets and elbow pads, but says he would wear the pads if he could

(he's lying, he's just trying to get you to be safe)

will hold your hand and walk next to you when you first try to skate :)

likes to hold your hand in general, so onse you get good at skating and don't need him to hold you anymore, he'll do it anyway

takes you skating with the squad and their s/o's

brags about how well you're doing to the other boys (until you fall, that is)

unlike denki, he pulls off the whole laidback Cool Skater Boy**TM thing really well

prolly because he's not really trying

he skates the least out of the group, mainly because he's always out doing stuff with you<333

also carries bandaids like kirishima but they're boring

makes every outing with you a date, and skating is no exception. actually, skating has become one of your favorite couple activities

always makes a point to take you out afterwards, whether that be for boba or for ramen or something.

"Well, we're done here, so what do ya wanna eat, chiquita?"

"Hmmm... what about onigiri?"

"We had that last time, but anything for you, mi reinita."

~fin~

wanna be on the taglist??

send in an ask, babe<3

[marvelgurl]

Off-Limits Part 2

Characters: (Eventually)Tom Holland X Reader Osterfield, Harrison Osterfield,

Word Count: 1854

Warning: Language, Fluff, Over-Protective Harrison

A/n: Feedback is always welcome, the good and the bad. Also Tag list for this series is open.

I don’t have a set schedule for this series. i will be posting at least 1 a week. maybe 2 if I’m feeling generous

Tumblr Masterlist   Off-Limits Masterlist

You pulled all your bags inside before yelling for your family.

“Hello? Anyone home?”

“Y/n?” You heard a voice coming from the kitchen. You also heard noises coming from the upstairs as you walked past.

“Mum?” you walked over and hugged her. “I have missed you so much.”

“I have missed you too Darling.” You pulled back to look at her.

“Where is Harrison?” You looked past her to see a figure standing at the table, with his back turned to you. You quickly let go of her, moved around her and ran over to him and wrapped your arms around him, you felt him tense up.

“Y/n, that’s not Harrison.” She tried to warn you, but it was too late.

“What?” you quickly let go and turned slightly towards your mother to see Harrison standing next to her. He gave you a small wave. Your eyes went huge.

“Wow, I see how it is. Tom gets a hug before I do.”

You looked back to see Tom, he turned around. He had a large grin on his face. He was trying to hold back a laugh. “Hey Y/n.”

You close your eyes and took a breath, opened your eyes and look at Harrison.

“It’s not my fault that you guys look alike from behind.” You walked over to Harrison and try to give him a hug. He held his hand out in front of him to stop you.

“No, we don’t.”

“Come on, you so do.” You pulled Harrison over to Tom. “Tom turn around.” He gave you a confused look before turning around. You walked over to your mother. “Mum, don’t they look the same?”

“Not really.” She looked from them back to you.

“Seriously?! They have the same hair color and their build is the same. The only real difference is Harrison is slightly taller.”

Both Tom and Harrison turned around with their arms across their chests and they were giving you a weird look.

“Fine, never mind. I’m going to unpack.” You throw your hands up in defeat.

“Wait, where’s my hug?” Harrison asked just as you got to the doorway.

“Hug Tom. I gave it to him.” He looked over to Tom.

“I got you Haz.” Tom opened his arms to Harrison.

“Y/n, come on.” He started walking over to you. Leaving Tom standing there.

“Nope.” You took off running.

Harrison ran after you. He ended up catching you before you got to the stairs. He was able to get his arm around your waist and pulled you into a hug.

“Ugh, Let Me Go Harrison!” You struggle to get out of his hold, but he is slightly stronger than you. You looked over to the doorway to see your mother and Tom laughing their asses off.

“Not until you give me a proper hug.” You felt his grip loosen up slightly. You took that opportunity to grab his hands and push him back. He ended up stepping back, losing his balance and falling over the couch. You turned around just in time to see him go over. You couldn’t hold in your laughter.

“Y/n Y/m/n Osterfield!” You looked up to see your mother walking over to you with an angry expression on her face. “Watch what you’re doing! You almost knocked over my vase.” Her face softened.

Your mother started laughing. Then you and Tom joined her. She went back to the kitchen after that. Tom came over to help Harrison back over the couch. They shared a look before looking back to you. It was a look you knew all too well.

You started backing up. Holding your hands out in front of you.

“Harrison, Tom Don’t you dare.”

“Do what Y/n?” Harrison asked as he and Tom started moving closer to you.

“Yeah Y/n, Do what?” Tom tilted his head as he said it.

You backed up to the door. You had 2 options here. 1 try to fight the boys off or 2 you push your luggage at them and make a break for your room. When they had gotten close enough, you pushed your bags at them and started running up the stairs. What you weren’t expecting was for Tom to jump towards the banister and grab it to pull himself over. Tom ended up knocking you down onto the stairs, with him falling on top of you. Luckily you were able to cradle your face, so it didn’t hit the stairs.

“Oh shit! Y/n are you okay? I didn’t mean to knock you over.” He quickly moved off you. He rolled you onto your side. He held you there by placing a hand on your hip. You just started laughing.

“Oh my gosh, let’s not do that again.” Your laughter slowed down, now you were just trying to breath.

Harrison had come up the stairs and was standing next to Tom. Tom was still down next to you, holding you in place. He wasn’t looking away from you. You looked at him, you just looked at each other for a few seconds before Harrison spoke up.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I have taken worse falls and hits than that.” Not realizing what you had said, you looked up to see two worried faces looking down at you. Then you quickly spoke to fix it. “Dancing is a lot harder than it looks guys. One wrong move and it can change your entire career.”

You start getting up slowly. As Tom went to help you up Harrison moved in front to help you stand. You finally gave him his hug. You wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. You let him go and went back down the stairs to get your bags. Harrison and Tom grabbed the larger bags and carried them up for you.

After dropping your stuff off in your room, the boys went to leave. Tom stopped in your doorway and turned back.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?” You looked up from your bag.

“I really am sorry. I didn’t realize I would hit you.”

“Tom I’m fine. See.” You put your arms out to the side and turned around slowly. “Nothing’s broken, I’m not bleeding or dying. So, it’s okay.” You gave him a reassuring smile before walking over to him and giving him a hug.

“Okay.” You let him go but he didn’t move.

“Tom, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Umm do you want to hang out tomorrow?”

“Yeah. We have a lot to catch up on.” You smiled at him.

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He also had a smile on his face. He gave you a small wave as he was leaving.

Over the next few days Tom, Harrison and you were inseparable. It was just like old times. Before Juilliard, acting and movies or just adulting in general. You absolutely missed these two. Even though you talked almost every day, while you were gone. That will never compare to actually being with them.

One day, Tom had come over with Tessa to hang out with you and Harrison. Only Harrison was gone for the day.

“Hey Tom. Oh, my Goodness! You brought Tessa!” you immediately opened the porch door for her. You got down and started petting her. She was so excited. She jumped up, put her paws on your chest and started licking your face.

“Hello Pretty Girl. I missed you so much.” You started kissing her on the head.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you like Tessa more than me.”

“I mean...” you showed Tom Tessa’s smiling face. “She’s adorable.”

“I’m adorable too.” You just looked up at him with a cocked eyebrow.

“Wow. I think Tessa and I need to leave now.” He started pulling Tessa away.

“No, you’re adorable too okay.” You stood up with a sad look in your face, from the loss of puppy love.

Tom walked back up to you. Tessa was right back at your feet.

“You only said that to get her back, didn’t you?”

“Do you really want me to answer that.”

“No, no I don’t.”

“Wise choice.” You gave Tessa one more scratch before talking again.

“Haz isn’t home but do you want to come in? I’m watching Harry Potter. I’m only 10 minutes in, I can restart it.” You saw him perk up at the mention of Harry Potter.

“Absolutely.” He quickly walked in and let Tessa off of her lead.

You went and sat down on one end of the couch. Tom sat on the opposite end. You called Tessa over, she sat down in between both of you. By the third movie, you were partially laying down. Your head was on Tom’s shoulder and Tessa was cuddled up next to you. Tom had started playing with your hair, it was making you fall asleep.

Before Harry could even cast his first Patronus charm, you were out. Tom was starting to fall asleep as well. His head was doing the sleep bob. He ended up moving too much, which caused you to move and it scared Tessa. She jumped off the couch and went to the recliner. When you didn’t call her back Tom looked at you with his sleepy eyes.

Tom ended up maneuvering the two of you so that you were both laying down together. He made sure that you were on the inside of the couch. He had his arms wrapped around you. You cuddled into his chest.

A little while later your mother had come into the room and saw you guys. She couldn’t help but smile. She took out her phone and took a photo of the two of you. Harrison walked through the door just after she had put her phone away. She covered the both of you with a blanket.

“Mum, what are you doing?”

“SHHH! You will wake them.” She shushed him quickly.

“Who?” He looked over the back of the couch to see Tom and you cuddling. He wasn’t very happy about that and your mother could see that.

“What’s wrong with you?” She turned her full focus to onto Harrison.

“I’m fine.”

“I can tell when one of my children are upset. So, I ask again, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, but we should probably wake up Tom. Nikki and Dom will be wondering where he is.” Harrison wanted to break-up this cuddle fest as quickly as possible.

“No, I will call the Hollands and let them know he is here.”

“Whatever.” Harrison just walked up the stairs to his room without saying another word.

“okay…” She turned to Tessa who had woken up during their conversation. “Come on Tessa. Let’s get you some food and maybe a potty break.”

Tessa quickly followed her to the backyard. Your mother had gone to get her some food and water. Tessa was over so much that Y/n had bought food for her, just in case she was here for a long period of time. She placed the bowls on the floor so she could come back to it whenever she wanted. After that she let Tessa back in and went off to bed herself.

Off-Limits Taglist: Open

@aidinniram​

@houseofflufff​

@justafangirlduh​​

@shrutipatel08

@thevelvetseries​

[honey-subs]

Could you do anything with a top!male reader and bottom!yeosang? I know it’s not specific :(. You don’t see a lot of male inserts. Of course only if you’re comfortable with it :)

sleepovers - kang yeosang

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⤷pairing - yeosang x male!reader

⤷genre - smut

⤷summary - you notice that yeosang is stressed during his comeback, and decide that a nice sleepover is just what he needs.

⤷warnings -sub!yeosang, dom!reader, this is really soft, first times, praise, etc

⤷notes - this is adorable and i love it 🥺

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

yeosang was ecstatic when you called him and asked him if he’d like to sleep over your house for the night. you hadn’t seen eachother in a while due to his comeback promotions, so a sleepover is just what the both of you needed. he had a smile on his face as he packed an overnight bag, plus a few extra things if the night were to go in another direction.

before he knows it, he’s waving goodbye to his friends and on route to your house. it isn’t far from the dorms, so he’s grateful for that. he greets you with a warm smile and hug when you open the door, allowing you to take his bags and put them in your room. “i’m glad you agreed to come, sangie.” you mumbled as you kissed his forehead. “i am too, i needed the escape.” he sighs.

“i’m happy to be of use.” you smile. “wanna go ahead and start early?” you ask, leading him to your living room where you’ve already prepared snacks and movies. he just smiles wide before settling himself underneath a fluffy blanket and giant couch cushion.

he was happy as he got comfortable within the blankets while you set up movies. once the movie had started, you were in your seat beside him as he cuddled into you. you kissed his forehead, and he smiled warmly, hiding his face.

throughout the terribly cheesy romcom, you find yourself sneaking glances at yeosang. his smile that occurs when something mildly funny happens make a smaller appear on your face. he’s reaching for more popcorn when he notices you’re staring, and yet you don’t peel your eyes away from embarrassment, his reaction is cute, so it prevents you.

“what..? do i have something on my face?” he asks when his eyes meet yours, using his hands to wipe away any sugar that might me on the sides or his lips. your hands reach up to grab his as they frantically wipe at his lips and tug them down, your thumb rubbing over his palms. “no, no. you’re just really cute.” you compliment, watching as his cheeks heat up at the compliment, eyes diverting to avoid showing how it really effected him.

“thank you...” he mumbles. your eyebrows are furrowed when he takes the remote and pauses it, turning to you as he drops the remote in his lap. “can we talk?” he asks, doing his best to keep eye contact with you, but it’s failing miserably.

“are you okay?” you ask, your eyes following his downcast ones. “yes, we’re okay too, but i was thinking....” he finishes his sentence in a quiet whisper of nervousness. “baby, you’re gonna have to speak up. i cant hear you.” you mutter with a smile. he smiles back, but it’s distant. “uh, never mind, it’s nothing. let’s go back to watching the movie, hm?” he hums, about to grab the remote, but you beat him to it, holding it in the air, and he pouts.

“it’s okay. you know you can tell me about everything, right?” you ask him softly. “it’s stupid.” he mutters quietly. “it’s not stupid, i promise. tell me and i’ll let you have the remote baaack~” you bribe. he pouts some more and sighs. “fine i- we never really get to see each other, and i’m worried about having are first time together soon... i dunno. i just thought that if i waited too long then you wouldn’t want to be together anymore. i’ve been ready for a while, but i couldn’t find an appropriate time because of our schedules and- sorry.” he says with an apologetic smile.

you slowly lower the remote, but he makes no moves to grab it. “baby, i love you. and it doesn’t matter how long i wait because i’m happy with you. if you’re truly ready then we can, but don’t rush because you want to please me.” you tell him, kissing him softly. he gives a smile, and nods. “i’m- im ready. have been for a while....” he admits.

“you’re sure? don’t wanna force you.” you ask again. “i’m very sure.” you mumbles, voice low as he leans in. his lips attach to yours, and his hand comes up to your jawline. for small a moment, it seems like he’s in control. for a very small moment. he gasps slightly when you take control, thighs coming to straddle your hips.

“bedroom?” you mumble against his needy lips. “please.” he breathes, arms wrapping around your neck as you stand. his legs wrap around your waist, up breaking the kiss as you move towards your bedroom.

you’re pushing his bags off the bed, and setting him down. he’s hurrying to take off his shirt and pants, sitting in the bed obediently. you’re stripping of your own clothes, down to your underwear. he stops you and speaks up when he sees you reach to your dresser. “i- in my bag... i have some in my bag...” he mutters shyly.

you fumble with his bag to find a bottle of lube and smirk. “prepared, aren’t we?” you asked teasingly, watching as his face heats up. “j-just get on with it.” he mutters, laying back onto the mattress. you can hear his breathing stop and hitch when your fingers hook into the band of his boxers. “you’re okay? you know we can stop at anytime.” you tell him, removing your hands. “no, no, i wanna keep going. it’s just no one has ever seen me... like that, and i’m nervous, i guess...” he lets his sentence trail off.

he nods his head, “it’s okay, i wanna keep going.” he tell you again, and he adverts his eyes as you take off his boxers and toss them to the floor. “hey, look at me, it’s okay, baby.” you comfort him and he nods, no longer adverting his gaze.

you pop the cap on the lube, and pour a generous amount on your fingers, warming a bit before continuing. your fingers relax it a bit before sliding in. the slip was surprisingly easy, especially with the way he took them so well.

“have you touched yourself like this before?” you asked with a teasing smile. “i-i’ve fingered myself.” he mumbles, a small pout settles onto his lips. “h-hurry...” he breathes, eyes falling closed as he basked in he feeling of your fingers, soft sounds falling from his plush lips.

his eyes open, he whines, and he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows when you pull your fingers away. “i thought you wanted me to ‘get on with it’?” you tease, tugging your briefs down and using some more of the lube on your cock.

you pull him by his thighs towards the edge of the bed, looking at him to make sure he was still wanting it. he nods his head before you can ask again, and laces your hands with his.

his breath hitches as you push into him. he was already clenching around you and trying to get used to your size as you continued. “just a bit more, baby. you’re doing perfectly for me.” you praise, squeezing his hand.

he’s breathing heavy when you’re finally all the way in, stilled so that he could adjust. “m-move.” he whispers, eyes still shut. you pull away just as slow as you pushed in, and roll your hips father. you repeat the motion a few times, and his sounds pick up in frequency and pitch.

you’re leaning down to kiss his neck, leaving hickies in the wake of your lips, all the way down to his collarbone. “f-faster, please, gosh-“ he whispers airily, hips moving in sync with yours.

that doesn’t last long though,because he moans out louder when you pick up the pace tremendously, rocking your hips into his. he’s sentenced are broken, and his hands move form being laced with yours to your shoulders and biceps, putting as much force as bucking your hips back as you are with thrusting yours farther. “feels good, baby?” you ask, dropping your head down. “oh my g- so g-good-“ his words are cut off when the tip of your cock touches his prostate.

he’s choking on his own moans when you do it again, and again. you barely even registered it when his hands are dropping down your back and pulling you closer, scratching you in the process.

“so good, so good, so good y/n-“ he moans, mouth open as he gasps. “i’m close— oh shit-“ he curses, and you were close too, the feeling of him so tight around you was amazing. his eyes rolled back as he came, and explosion on your tummies, and he tensed all at once, and then went limp with pure euphoria in your arms. you weren’t far behind, the way he clenches around you as he came began to be too much, and you felt yourself let go, coming inside of him and feeling him up, causing him to whimper in oversensitivity. you pull out slowly, not wanting to cause pain.

you’re using your t-shirt to clean him up with, doing your best to do it quickly so you could run a hot bath. the time it takes to run a bath also allows him time to himself to come down, mind still a but hazy, though.

he’s not complaining when you’re carrying him to the bathroom, and setting him gently into the warm water. it’s all warm smiles and happy g,aces as you leave for another moment to fix the bed quickly. you decide against fixing it perfectly, because you’re focused on getting back to yeosang.

“you okay, baby?” you ask as you settle into the tub. “i’m fine, and that was amazing.” he sighs, leaning his head back so that he lay on your shoulder. “i’m glad you enjoyed it. we should have a lot more nights like this...” you mumbled against his neck. “we should. this was nice.” he sighs. and just like that, the both of you spent a while in the tub, talking about everything and nothing and just enjoying eachothers loving presence.

[cabinofimagines]

Piper Mclean ABC’s

a/n ; yet again i have forgotten to post. this is my last though so whoopie no more scheduled inspiration.

pairing ; piper x gn!reader

wc ; 1,613

request ; nah, but we’re getting to the other dw pls shits alphabetical 

- day

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

She loves loves loves going on hikes or walks with you. Finding old playgrounds or cool monuments makes her feel like she’s adventuring with you. 

Beauty - What do the admirer s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

You’re so considerate of everyone around you, even if you aren’t aware of it. She thinks it’s incredibly beautiful how kind you are to everyone, but knows that she’ll have to keep an eye out for people who try to take advantage of that.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Piper is the type to sit with you quietly when you’re having a down day. She might bring you some snacks and cuddle with you, but understands that some days are just like this. She’s similar with attacks, but usually tries to distract you with your surroundings like “Pick out 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell…” and so on.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Piper wants to travel the world with you, trying new things and having new experiences with you. She fully plans to spend the rest of her life adventuring with you and if you have siblings that have kids, she plans on being the cool auntie that brings trinkets back.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s fairly equal, but she likes to mess around a lot. If she walks in on you changing, she’ll tease the shit out of you for it and make the embarrassment last a whole day.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Piper can be petty ngl, if she gets angry she might make it obvious. Kinda how kids do things to show their parents they’re angry like angrily sweeping while glaring or something. But she’ll get pouty if you laugh at her antics and the issue will be resolved soon after.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She has this cute habit of saying thank you when you do the smallest things. You could give her a glass of water and she’ll go “:3 thank youuuu”. There is almost never a moment where you feel underappreciated for anything you do.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There isn’t a lot that she doesn’t share, but just like in The Lost Hero, if there is something huge bothering her or if there is a potential threat, she will struggle alone. It kills her to hide something from you, but when it comes to light, she nearly breaks down in tears as she gushes out everything she withheld.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helping them overcome personal problems?

She’s still working on bits of herself, but it's not drastic changes. She may have a tendency to fall back on her bad habits, but when you scold her for it, she makes a mental note to do better.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Piper hates to admit it, but she gets jealous just like everyone else. It was more prominent when you two weren’t dating, but it still happens even as you begin dating. It isn’t major, but you’ll know when she feels as if someone is catching your attention or vice versa. 

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

it’s unfair, but being a daughter of Aphrodite makes her good at all forms of love and affection. Her kisses are absolutely intoxicating and you feel drunk after each one. Even a short peck has you in a daze.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

You two were up late because Leo wanted to show Piper his new invention and you were already on your way to visit him to make sure he wasn’t forgetting to care for himself again. The late hour impaired your decision making abilities and you just… went for it. So you two ended up kissing in Bunker 9 as Leo dozed off on his work bench. Luckily he never found out.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

You both got the chance to hide in the lot of a drive in theater that was playing the movie UP. The monster never found you, and you got to cuddle up with Piper as you both cried in the first 5 minutes of the movie.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Piper calls you by nickname usually, but will use cute pet names like lovey or baby when it’s the two of you and no one else is around.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Piper is constantly hitting on you, even after you started dating so when the lines get bolder… it can be embarrassing. Everyone tries to ignore you two now, but sometimes the free entertainment is funny as hell.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Corny pick up lines are a regular occurrence, but Piper also really likes keeping you beside her. She’s not clingy enough to not let you do your own thing, but she enjoys keeping and hand or arm on your shoulder at all times. Even if it’s just throwing a leg over your lap as she sits down on the couch.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

She brings a spark to the relationship, something that keeps it feeling like you never left the honeymoon phase. She often spoke about hating being Aphrodites daughter, but it was beneficial in her relationships. The spark would have been there without her godly parent, but it sure gives emphasis.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Despite being the daughter of love itself, she is terrible at planning out romantic things. However, she seems to make the trashiest moments slightly romantic. You two could be on a quest together and sleeping in the back of a truck full of rotten veggies and she’ll make you feel like you’re in a truck full of… fresh veggies.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

One of your biggest cheerleaders. She’ll drag Leo along as well just to be the loudest at your events, be it by voice or by holding up signs with your name in big glittery letters.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

She’s had quite enough of thrills at a young age, but she won’t mind traveling and trying new foods. She’ll find out she’s allergic to some obscure spice and the humorous panic she spouted on the way to the ER was enough for you to want to strangle her yourself.

Understanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Piper is very empathetic. It’s often scary how much she can understand your feelings even if you aren’t exactly open about them. She’ll pick up on your mood and somehow pick apart what caused it and if she can, she’ll fix it as best as she can.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Once Piper sees you as family, she’s ready to risk it all for you. If she has to walk the earth just to find you and ensure you’re safe, she would in a heartbeat. 

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Her hair had gotten too long one summer and  she had given you permission to grab a pair of scissors and go nuts. She never really cared about how her hair looked anyway, so it wouldn’t hurt for you to do it. Her only request was that you wouldn’t make it look nice. Her hair would look great anyway so you cut randomly, feeling like Piper was your personal Barbie doll and you were an odd child, cutting away the hair of the doll.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

SHe likes touching you, be it an arm or holding your hand, maybe even kissing your temple when you’re around people. She’s not a cuddle bug entirely, but she does welcome those moments when you just flop down on her, groaning as she wraps her arms and legs around you  tightly, “Hah! Now you’re trapped!”

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Absolutely whines to you before you leave, but once you do she acts like she’s not all too affected. “Like yeah I miss them but I’m not gonna cry about it.” What a lie.

Zeal - are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

She’s willing to start a war with every god if you were in question, now she wouldn’t want to come down to that, but she’s willing to fight for you.

- - -

taglist ; @smileitsisa  , @hermionessimp​ , @beneaththeiceandsnow

[kiribakuhappiness]

for the kiribaku prompts: post-break up angst with a happy end?? I don't know if you write angst but I love your writing and would love to see what you come up with!

(Kiribaku Drabble Prompts) i don’t generally write a lot of angst anymore, but that doesn’t mean i don’t love the drama! i think this one is a bit longer than my others have been. hope you enjoy it!

Katsuki should have noticed the signs long before this ever happened, given with how fucking smart he’d like to think he was. He’d always been a fucking dumbass when it came to Eijirou, though. That was just another nightmare he was still learning how to sleep with, he supposed.

He had to have been the real pinnacle of an asshole to get Kirishima Eijirou to finally tell him to leave him the fuck alone.

Katsuki’s never been very good at following orders, either.

“You’re not texting him again, are you?” Jirou sounded bored as she cocked a slender eyebrow at him over the rim of her drink. “Please, for once in your life, could you not be a raging idiot?”

Katsuki sneered down at his screen as he hit the send button before he let his phone drop back down to the table top with a careless clatter.

“I don’t want to hear shit from you, unless you want me to tell Kaminari your dirty little secret on his wedding day,” he threatened angrily, snatching up his own drink and downing the rest of the brown liquid.

“You’re a real fucking jackass,” she muttered into her drink with a glare.

“Sticks and stones, earphones,” Katsuki grunted carelessly.

“I don’t even know why I’m here with you right now,” Jirou put her drink down hard, clear liquid sloshing down the sides of her glass, and she crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned further into her seat in the dark back corner booth they had taken up at the bar. “I shouldn’t have to put up with your bullshit just because you don’t have any fucking friends anymore.”

“But you will,” Katsuki said, unconcerned as he rubbed his thumb along the side of his phone case and forced himself not to open the dumb photo album he’d been victim to for days now. His eyes flicked up to look at her. “Cause you’re in the same fucking boat as me. Outcasted by the damn idiots.”

Jirou glared at him. “No, I’m not. Kaminari found somebody else before I could say anything to him about...” she paused, took a breath and slowly let it out, and continued, “... my feelings for him. You’re the one that couldn’t stop being a dick long enough to appreciate someone who already loved you.” She gritted her teeth. “We are not the same, Bakugou. Not even close.”

Katuski slammed his palm down against the table and snarled at her from the other side of the booth. “You had three years to tell Dunceface how you fucking felt about him, don’t tell me now that - “

“You had eight to tell Kirishima how you felt, and you didn’t!” Jirou snapped, cutting him off. “Don’t spin this bullshit on me, Bakugou. I’m done playing that game with you. We’re here right now because of your mistakes, not mine! You’re mad at yourself, not at me!”

“Fuck you!” Katsuki yelled as he shot to his feet, just as the room started to tilt dangerously. “I don’t need to sit here and listen to this shit - “

“What a brave hero you are, Ground Zero,” Jirou chided, grabbing her drink again and resolutely looking at anything that wasn’t him. “A true symbol of peace, running away from your problems at the bottom of a liquor bottle.”

“What would you have me do?!” Katsuki roared, slamming both his fists into the table top and leaning in close so that his face was millimeters away from hers. “He won’t fucking talk to me! I can’t make shit right again if he - “

“Maybe you should stop trying then! Leave him alone!” Jirou yelled back, pushing him away from her as hard as she could. “Give up, Bakugou! It’s over! He doesn’t want you anymore!”

“Give up,” Katsuki whispered the words like he’s never heard them before in his life before he huffed a disbelieving laugh, as though the idea were fucking ridiculous, rolling his eyes and shoving himself upright again only to teeter on his feet from the sway of the alcohol. “You see, that’s the difference between me and you, earphones. That’s always been the fucking difference between me and all of these other dumbass extras! I don’t fucking give up.”

“Bakugou,” Jirou sighed with exhaustion into her hand, as though this were a conversation they’ve had many times before, but he was already leaving, making his way over to the coat rack at the front of the bar.

“Bakugou! Where are you going now?!” She yelled across the room after him, though she made no move to follow.

He didn’t deem her with a response as he snatched his jacket off the hanger and thrust it on, mostly because he didn’t really have an answer to give her. He didn’t know where he was going. He just knew that he couldn’t stay there. He couldn’t keep talking about this shit with her.

Not when she was fucking right.

He’d been trying to live with it - he had. His mistakes. All that wasted time. All those times he could have said something, could have been honest, could have provided some kind of reassurance when he knew that Eijirou had needed it most. And he hadn’t. He just hadn’t.

He hadn’t thought it was important enough, hadn’t realized how much Eijirou had wanted it from him. He’d been so focused on his goal; taking on late night patrol shifts even after working full hour days, racking up enough over time to double his damn paycheck by the end of the year, because he never ended up using any of it.

Eijirou had always wanted him to. Wanted him to take a break, sometimes. Go on a trip, take a vacation, visit family, do something other than work. Katsuki hadn’t listened. He hadn’t even heard him. Too lost in the sensation of climbing higher and higher in the ranks until one day the announcement came across every newspaper headline and every news outlet in Japan; Ground Zero breaks into top ten by age 24! Says he won’t stop until he reaches number one!

And on the same day, the text came from Eijirou; I can’t do this anymore.

Tch. Katsuki hadn’t taken him seriously then, either.

What a real brave asshole he must have been.

His phone buzzed just as he bypassed the bus stop and continued down the block on foot, reaching into the pocket of his jeans and pulling it out, already expecting to read a long-winded, angry rant from the alien or whoever else Jirou had probably called and bitched to as soon as he left.

His feet came to a sudden standstill when he saw who the message was actually from, though. Eijirou hadn’t responded to any of his assortment of texts in nearly a month, at this point, even when Katsuki saw him read them all.

Eiji: You’re drunk.

Suki: Ni.

Fucking shit.

Suki: No.*

Eiji: What do you want?

This felt like a trap.

He scowled down at his phone, lip sneering. As though the idiot didn’t already know what he wanted. As though he wasn’t painfully aware of the fact that he didn’t waste his time texting people if he could help it, that his recent bombardment of ‘what shift are you working today’ texts had been anything other than him trying to get them scheduled together so that he’d have some kind of damn excuse to get Eijirou to talk to him.

But this was the kind of shit Eijirou liked. The affirmation or whatever. The drama and the passion of it all. The blatancy; whenever Katsuki could manage to muster up enough of it to be honest. His mistake that he had promised himself he’d work to correct if he ever got the chance to.

Suki: You.

Eiji: That’s not good enough anymore. Eiji: And you know it.

He clenched his teeth so tight that his jaw started to hurt.

Suki: Tell em what to do. Suki: Tell me how to fix tihs.

Eijirou read the messages, the little green checkmarks lighting up and mocking him the longer he stood in the middle of an empty, dark street and waited for a damn reply.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. A quirk swelled to bursting, and a bleeding heart to match. How fucking cliché.

He should have known this would have happened. Fuck, he had known it would happen from the first day they’d stopped being just friends when they had made out on Kirishima’s balcony in the middle of the night in their third year. He’d already known back then that it would have been nothing but trouble; that he’d never be able to put anything above his hero work.

Fucking Eijirou should have known it would have fucking happened too!

And maybe he had known. Maybe he had thrown all caution to the wind just to have it, anyway, just like Katsuki had all those years ago. Maybe he had taken a chance with him, and Katsuki had let him down.

Maybe that’s why he couldn’t sleep at night anymore.

Suki: ’m comin over.

Eijirou read the message again, two green checkmarks one after the other, and Katsuki waited for him to tell him not to. He waited for him to tell him to go home, to drink some water, to go to bed. He waited for him to tell him to fuck off again, and to leave him alone.

But he didn’t.

So, Katsuki shoved his phone into his pocket, turned on the heels of his boots, and started off in the hazy direction of Eijirou’s new apartment complex in the downtown area; the one he started renting after he had moved out of Katsuki’s place last year.

He’s never been there before, but he knew where it was. Eijirou had given him the address. For emergencies, he had said, nothing else.

Katsuki has avoided downtown as much as he could since then, always lying to himself that he wasn’t, that he just didn’t need anything from downtown so why would he waste his time going there?

He’d always been shit at lying, yet he always managed to convince himself, somehow.

It wasn’t until he quite literally stumbled up the front steps of the apartment building, head swimming and stomach threatening to empty all of its poisonous contents onto the sidewalk, that he really started to consider what the fuck he was doing here, bothering Eijirou like this. Dragging this on, and for what? Come Monday morning, he’d be back to work as usual, staying later than necessary, taking more than his fair-share of shifts from the other heroes scheduled to be there.

The record would skip tonight, maybe, but it would keep playing. Over and over.

He hadn’t even realized he was puking over the banister of the steps until a pair of strong hands grabbed at his shoulders, pressing sharp thumbs into his shoulder blades and effectively bringing him back to rapt attention. He tried to shove whoever it was off, using the sleeve of his jacket to wipe at his mouth, before their voice made him freeze immediately.

Eijirou sighed as he gripped his shoulders tighter. “You’re a mess, man.”

Katsuki didn’t know how to respond to that, too blindsided by the black roots sprouting from under Eijirou’s normally vibrant locks, by the dark letterman jacket he had thrown on over his sleep shirt, by the very presence of him being there after so long of being avoided and ignored.

“What are you doing here, Katsuki?” Eijirou asked, finally dropping his hands back down into his pockets and letting him turn around to face him.

“I don’t fucking know,” Katsuki said honestly. He pressed his back against the stone banister of the steps and slid down it until he came to sit on the top step, letting his head fall back and ‘thunk’ against the wall with a resounding sigh.

He was so exhausted. What time was it, anyway?

Eijirou stared at him for a long moment, clenching his jaw and looking like he was battling internally with himself, before he eventually sat down as well. He rested his elbows against his knees and clasped his hands together, frowning at the spot between his sneakers the way he used to when they were in Katsuki’s dorm studying for a particularly hard logistics exam.

“I want to help,” Eijirou started slowly, gripping his hands tighter in front of him. “But... I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to you and - “

“Eiji,” Katsuki interrupted him, before he could pussy out and regret it. “I just missed ya. 'S it.”

Eijirou ran his hands over his face and sighed into his palms.

“I miss you too,” he said, voice muffled, though Katsuki could clearly hear the strained wobble in his throat. “You’re my... were my best friend, you know?”

“Tch,” Katsuki ran his fingers through his hair and tried not to focus on how disheveled he must look.

Who fucking cared, anyway? It was too late for paparazzi to be out lurking, he assumed, and Eijirou had seen him fall apart more than enough times that he had a hard time caring much about it anymore.

“Don’t tch me,” Eijirou snapped, lifting his face from his hands and glaring at him through a sheen of tears glazed over red eyes that refused to let them fall. “If you won’t say anything clearly, then don’t say anything at all!”

Katsuki opened his mouth before he even knew what he was going to say, and the words got all caught up in his throat before he could even get any of them out.

“Why are you here?” Eijirou asked again, louder and firmer this time as he turned to face him directly. “Why do you keep trying so hard like this, man? When we were together, you couldn’t even take the time to let me know when you were working late and now you won’t go a single day without texting me. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“Do you want me to stop?” Katsuki clenched his hands into tight fists in his lap as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth. “How am I supposed to know what you want when you won’t even answer me?”

“Shouldn’t that be answer enough?”

Katsuki snorted as he lumbered back up to his feet, staggering only slightly before he grabbed the banister to steady himself. “Be a fucking man and tell me to fuck off then, if that’s what you want so damn bad!”

“I don’t want that!” Eijirou argued back, jumping to his feet and glaring back at him. “Okay? I don’t want you to go away! But I - “

“Then what do you want from me?!” Katsuki roared.

“I just want you to love me, Katsuki!” The tears Eijirou had been trying to keep in spilled out, two fast bullets racing down either of his cheeks. His lip wobbled as he stepped closer, crowding into Katsuki’s space, before he straightened his shoulders and glared challengingly at him. “I want you to be a fucking man and admit that you do.”

Katsuki opened his mouth again, and again, he found that he had nothing of importance to say to that. The words clogged up in his throat and overwhelmed him, and it was only with the clarity that could come with being seven whiskey shots deep standing outside his ex-boyfriend’s apartment to realize that he was the one holding them all back and not the other way around.

“I don’t know what love is,” he finally forced out. “But I’m trying, Eiji. I’m fucking trying for you, and you of all people should know what that means. I’m not just going to fucking give up on us. That’s not who I am. So if you’ve got something to say to me, then just fucking - “

Eijirou’s mouth crashing over his was enough to effectively end his drunken ramblings. The record skipped again - or maybe, if he really thought about it, it was just his heart beating all out of tandem, or maybe it was just his brain, draining itself of all of its common sense as he latched onto whatever pathetic excuse of an olive branch was being extended towards him in that moment.

He would take whatever Eijirou decided to give him, and he would do better. He had to. Not just because the last year of his life spent without him had been a tantalizing glimpse into a life of pure hell, but because Eijirou deserved it. If he had to spend the rest of his life proving that, if he had to spend the rest of his life trying, then that’s what he would do.

“I won’t lose you again, Eiji,” he slurred a promise between the wet slide of tear-stained lips against his own.

“Does that mean you’re coming upstairs with me?” Eijirou asked, gripping at his waist.

“Whatever you fucking want.”

Eijirou nodded curtly, even as he pressed his forehead against Katsuki’s and clenched his jaw. “This doesn’t just fix everything, you know.”

“I know that,” Katsuki insisted, because he did. He’d known coming to Eijirou’s place wouldn’t fix everything, he knew that a few whispered promises and the warm press of their bodies together wasn’t the grand star apology it should have been.

He’d get better at that, too.

“Come on,” Eijirou’s hands slid away, tugging briefly at his wrist as he stepped back under the dim light above the front door of this foreign building. “Come inside.”

Katsuki followed him without hesitation. Somewhere, he imagined, the record finally stopped spinning, and he felt free.