#i need to go suffocate myself in the snow

[skitskatdacat63]

I feel uninspired and lack motivation for art again so I thought of an ask game for me :)

Send me(or comment) a number from 1-34 and I will draw my corresponding oc

I mentally struggled over whether I should make this post, because ik ocs are niche and probably not many people care for it, but I realized I could have been using those hours to y'know. Actually draw something. So I might as well just post it

[phoward89]

Based on this ask

Platonic!Brother!Coriolanus Snow x Sister!Reader

Coriolanus was always overprotective when it came to you, his baby sister. Maybe it was because you barely survived your birth, the birth that killed your mother, or maybe it was because he was the ‘man’ of the house. But whatever the reason, he was an overprotective big brother.

It was cute when you were little kids, but by time you became a teenager and he was a young adult, well, it wasn't cute anymore. It was straight up annoying.

You're in your last year at the Academy and you feel so suffocated. You had nobody, but your older brother. Your cousin, Tigris, after a falling out with Coriolanus, moved out years ago. And Grandma'am, poor Grandma’am, was in a memory center due to her ailing condition.

It hurts, having nobody, but Coriolanus to interact with.

Hell, you didn't even have a boyfriend. But that was because nobody in their right mind at the Academy was brave enough to approach you considering who your brother was.

Head Gamemaker Coriolanus Snow.

Senator Coriolanus Snow.

Aspiring Presidential Hopeful Coriolanus Snow.

A dangerous man.

Coriolanus Snow.

You're sure you're going to die a virgin and all alone, all because your brother’s so over protective of you.

Since you don't have a father, he feels the need to be your father figure. Be the man of the house. Yada yada yada.

So, one day when you came home from the Academy sulking and dragging your satchel alone the floor, Coryo took it up on himself and an overprotective brother to find out why you were upset.

He needed to know who to kill for hurting your feelings.

“What happened today at the Academy to have you sulking like a black rain cloud’s hanging over your head.” Coriolanus asked from his sitting chair while watching some political network on the tv.

“An announcement for a gala.” You sighed, going over to a side table to set your bag down.

“Why should that make you upset? The Academy holds galas every few months for upper classmen. I myself used to go to them.”

Yea, you remember how he'd run around the house like a chicken with its head cut off looking for whatever Tigris made for him to wear. He had to have his gala outfits look amazing even if they were made from black market fabrics Tigris did the unthinkable for. Your brother always had to dress to impress at galas since he used them to network.

Hell, he still networks at galas, balls, and events. It's just on a different level now.

“It's not the gala that's got me upset." You told him as you made your way over to the sitting chairs. Sitting down next to him, you explained, "It's the fact that I'm going to be the only girl without a date for it that's got me upset.”

“You don't need a date to attend the gala, dear.” Coriolanus reminded you, his eyes glued to the political talk show host on the TV screen. Hmm...they must be talking about the upcoming election.

“But-” you began, only for your brother to cut you off with, “No buts, young lady.” Giving you a stern look, he receited the same speech he always gave when the subject of dating came up. “You’re not ready to date yet. The boys your age will only corrupt you and we can't have you being corrupted; dragging the Snow name through the mud.”

His remark made you wonder how many nice girls he corrupted since he was so certain that you'd be corrupted.

“I'll make you a suitable match when you're of age.” Coriolanus told you before turning the volume up on the TV when the program host mentioned his name and polling numbers.

Oh, you just couldn't wait to see who he'd set you up with. Considering he's such a cold man, you doubt it'd be anyone you'd get along with. You doubt that what he views as a good match for you is what you'd view as a good match.

You're polar opposites.

Truth be told, you barely tolerate your older brother these days. He never laughs or smiles, he's just obsessed with power and politics.

And money.

“Maybe you could find me a date for the gala? Somebody suitable to take me?” You suggested as a desperate attempt for him to let you go to the gala with a boy your age.

“Yea, I'll find you a date.” Coriolanus nodded, his attention more so on the TV then on you. Guess his political ambitions mean more to him than you do at the moment.

When your Coriolanus said he'd find you somebody suitable to take you to the gala, you never thought that he was talking about himself. But here you were, dressed in something suitable for a nun, since Coriolanus is strict about you showing too much skin, wearing short skirts, etc. Of course, you're stuck being chaperoned by your overprotective older brother.

Why would he let you have a real date for the gala?

He's too obsessed with you to let you out of his site. Now more than ever you hate how overprotective the presidential hopeful is with you.

You could feel everyone staring at you. God, you felt so weird being stuck on your brother's arm.

“Who’s that?” Coriolanus asked, pointing to a raven haired girl in a wine red dress, that was sipping on a flute of posca, while talking to a one of the cutest boys at the Academy.

“That's General Prometheus Byzantine's step-daughter. Her names Juniper, but she goes by June.” You answered, hoping that he wasn't asking because he was interested in her.

She's your classmate for Christ's sake!

“She's 18?” Coriolanus asked, tipping you off that he was, indeed, interested in her.

“Yes, she's 18.” You confirmed with a nod.

Coriolanus nodded, only to tell you, “Go hang by the wall and don't talk to anyone. I'm going to introduce myself to Miss Byzantine.”

You shook your head, watching your brother take off to go flirt with one of your classmates. You didn't think it was fair that he could do whatever he wanted, but you had to toe the line.

It was complete and utter bullshit.

You didn't care about his political ambitions or riches, you just wanted a normal life.

Sometimes you wish that he never got that early discharge from President Ravenstill. You were free when he was a peacekeeper in 12. Now you're shackled and chained to him. You're at his mercy because he's so obsessed with protecting you.

At least for that summer he was away in District 12 you were able to have friends. Now, you had nobody, but yourself.

Knowing you didn't have much of a choice, you went over to the wall and blended into it. Watching your brother charm the raven haired girl in your math, history, and literature classes.

Maybe him charming General Byzantine’s step-daughter was a blessing in disguise. Maybe if Coriolanus is too busy trying to woo and court somebody, he won't be able to be an overprotective big brother anymore.

And maybe, just maybe, that was just wishful thinking on your part.

Ever since General Crassus Snow died, Coriolanus took it upon himself to be the man of the house. To protect you.

And over time that mission became his number one obsession.

Tags: @kuroosbby001, @purriteen, @poppyflower-22 @meetmeatyourworst, @whipwhoops, @bxtchopolis , @readingthingsonhere,@savagenctzen, @ryswritingrecord , @erikasurfer , @tulips2715 , @universal-s1ut , @thesmutconnoisseur @squidscottjeans , @sudek4l , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @mashiromochi, @gracieroxzy @belcalis9503 , @shari-berri , @aoi-targaryen , @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch, @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons, @qoopeeya, @mfnqueen1 , @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88

[redwinetalks]

I Won’t Let You Sink

Chapter 1

Word Count: 4k

Pairing: Finnick x Fem!OC

Warnings: angst, thoughts of some self harm, miss girl has to sell her body

Summary: Silk Fabelle is the winner of the 68th annual Hunger Games and she’s finishing up her victory tour. She meets Finnick then returns home leading to a lil chit chat with Snow.

*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°

The Capitol was the complete opposite of District 8. Full of bright colors and energy instead of dull and lifeless. Everything is perfectly placed and decorated. Artistically groomed trees and bushes. The Capitol elite expect me to think of this as a blessing. How much of an honor it is to get to visit. To be invited to these lavish parties and be dressed to the nines. But with each conversation I’m dragged into, I’m counting the seconds until I can go home and no longer be stuck with the people who use my trauma as a way to get off.

“Did you hear me?” I’m snapped back to reality by the woman who’s been speaking to me about my victory. Her blue and purple hair is tied up in an intricate bun. Her eyeshadow goes all the way to her temples and her eyebrows are adorned with jewels. To match her eccentric look, she’s wearing a bright purple gown that cinches her waist so much I wonder how she’s even breathing.

“Yes, sorry. I couldn’t help getting distracted by how beautiful everything looks tonight.”

“Oh, of course! I can’t even imagine having to live in that dreary district of yours. This must be such a culture shock. But, back to what I was saying. Your games! You really surprised us all. I mean, no one guessed that the little girl from 8 could win. A lot of people lost their bets after your victory. Don’t worry though, no one could stay upset about it. Not with how precious you are! You really are a doll just like they say!” A doll. That’s the pet name they’ve adorned me with. The Capitol’s doll they could dress up and play with however they so please.

“You’re going to be quite popular! But I must leave you, I need to get a little drink.” She gives me a wink and walks away. Im sure she’s off to purge and then continue to gorge herself.

When she’s gone I close my eyes and let out the deep sigh I’ve been holding. With each Capitol aristocrat I talk to I feel more and more suffocated. I grab a glass of wine and then move myself away from the crowd. This party is supposed to be dedicated to me to congratulate my huge “victory”. No one expected me to win. District 8 has a pretty poor relationship with the Capitol because of our rebelliousness. This kept me from getting any help from sponsors. It also didn’t help that I don’t look very strong, I’m shorter than most people my age, and the jobs back home don’t prepare us in the slightest for what’s to come in the arena. That’s not all true, though. I gained enough strength by carrying large amounts of supplies to and from the factories. Boxes full of fabric or Peacekeeper uniforms are much heavier than people think. I used my knowledge of different bugs and berries, used to make dyes, to help me keep from poisoning myself in the arena. My mentor Cecilia told me since I know how to sew, stitch, and weave that I have a good eye and a steady hand. She taught me how to make traps that I could use against other tributes or to catch food. She helped me learn how to use throwing knives, her weapon of choice. That proved to be significantly helpful during the bloodbath. The majority of my games I spent hiding. My arena was a rainforest so it wasn’t difficult to disguise myself. I was then able to trick some tributes with poisonous berries or trapping them in a net made up of vines and leaves. I’m sure it was a riveting show for everyone glued to the broadcast. Not at all traumatizing for them, only for the 17 year old.

“Not enjoying the festivities?” I’m slightly startled when he comes up and stands next to me. Finnick O’dair. The so called Capitol “darling” and youngest to ever win the games. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. Didn’t meant to catch you off guard.” He laughs.

“And what if I’m not?” I sip my wine and look at him, deadpanned.

“Don’t worry, it only gets worse from here.” He lets out a another light laugh and I hum in response.

“Thanks for the warning. I figured as much.” I think about walking away, but there’s something about him that compels me to stay put. It’s disarming. I don’t figure a Career would be too enjoyable to hang around, yet he has this air to him that I can’t walk away from. Maybe it’s how his tan skin and perfect smile are even more breathtaking in person. I could just be getting hypnotized by his beauty and charm. Which, I’m positive he uses to his advantage. He then turns to face directly in front of me and holds his hand out.

“If you’ll let me, I was hoping I could steal you away for a dance.” He takes my hand and gives it a small peck as I just look at him. I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

“Are you trying to charm me, Finnick O’dair?” He flashes me a perfect smile.

“And what if I am, Silk Fabelle?” He moves his face closer to mine and his voice, as smooth as velvet, is just a whisper. He smells like salty seawater and citrus. The hair on my neck stands up and I can feel the goosebumps creeping up my body. Maybe I am being hypnotized.

“I suppose you can. Hopefully it’ll keep everyone else from talking to me about my riveting games.” I say after clearing my throat and awkwardly adjusting my stance.

“You sure you’re not trying to keep me all to yourself, darling?” I stop and blankly stare at him. He rolls his eyes at me, “I’m kidding. Shall we?” I slowly nod and he escorts me back through the crowd of people.

“So is there a particular reason you decided to make my acquaintance?” I question him. No other previous victors have come to talk with me, at least not yet. It’s just been one vulture after the next. Maybe in his eyes he just saw a damsel in distress that he needed to rescue. He wouldn’t be incorrect per se.

“Maybe I just wanted to finally see your beauty in person. The broadcast is one thing, but there’s nothing like the real deal.” He says when we find a spot on the floor. He takes my waist and gracefully starts to guide me. It’s as if it’s second nature to him. I don’t know how to feel about his flirtations and it makes me a bit uneasy. I don’t know if I can trust him, but I’m not in the games anymore. He’s not another tribute trying to kill me before I kill him first. It sounds like he means what he says, so maybe I’m just overthinking it.

“You sure are quite the charmer, but I’m having a hard time believing that’s the only reason.”

“Oh please, I can’t just dance with a pretty girl? Must I have a motive?” I can feel his thumb rubbing my back. That plus the dancing is making me dizzy. My head feels like it’s spinning, but it could just be the wine causing that effect.

“Do you?” I press him, trying to remain focused, and he looks at me so softly.

“I just thought you might’ve been struggling to stay afloat. This place..these people..they’ll drown you. To them we aren’t real people we’re just toys. Entertainment. I remember how I felt when this was my party and I guess I just didn’t want you to have to go through that alone.” The playful banter has dropped and he speaks so genuinely. He’s not at all what I expected. I’ve only ever looked at careers with aversion. The way they suck up to the Capitol and get almost doted on in return. But they’re still district citizens. Even if they are on better terms with the Capitol, it doesn’t mean they aren’t part of this continuous punishment. They’re pawns in this game like everyone else, they just play differently.

“So you’re telling me no one whisked you away to save you at your victory party” I tilt my head when asking.

“Afraid not, sweetheart.” Even with his flirtatious banter back on I can see that there’s a sadness in his eyes. Like this confidence that he radiates is just an illusion to keep him from sinking. After winning the games they make you think you finally get to be free. You can finally be happy and you don’t have to live in fear. But the games never end. I can see it from the way Finnick looks at me. After you win the torment just continues. There is no freedom.

“I’m sorry you were alone. I appreciate, though, you being here for me even though you don’t know me. I hope..maybe..I can do the same for you.” I say that last sentence quietly. As if I’m not sure if I want him to hear it. I’m not quite sure if I mean it. He squeezes my hand a bit and softly smiles. His dimples showing only slightly.

“I can already see my days getting brighter.” He releases my waist once the song ends and brushes a hand through his golden blonde hair. The lights reflecting off of him in the most picture perfect way. “Unfortunately, I have to go, but it was lovely meeting you Silk.” He kisses my hand once more and walks away after I say goodbye. I’m left feeling frozen in place like a trance has just been lifted. Then, almost immediately I’m being pulled into another meaningless conversation with Capitol citizens. I try to stay present to what’s going on around me, but my mind keeps going back to Finnick O’dair.

*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°

I’m on the train with Cecilia, finally going home after the victory tour. I’ve been sitting at the table moving my fork around my breakfast, too distracted to eat. I haven’t been able to push Finnick out of my mind. There is just something about him that is so alluring and mysterious that my teeth clench from trying to figure him out. I can’t help getting frustrated at myself for thinking only of him. Maybe it’s just because he’s so different from anyone I’ve ever met. His aura is so captivating and it’s like he knows just how to wrap you around his finger.

“How was last night?” Cecilia comes up behind me and takes my plate.

“I wasn’t finished.” I turn and look at her and she rolls her eyes.

“You’ve been pushing that blueberry around with your fork for 10 minutes. You’re finished.” Annoyingly, she’s right. I’m not even hungry anymore. I felt full after just a couple bites. I’ve only been able to eat small meals since leaving the arena.

“Last night was wonderful” she lets out a small laugh at my sarcastic reply.

“Did you meet any of the past victors? It’ll help having some of them close by.” I look down at the table where my plate was.

“I met Chaff and Seeder. They were nice, well, Chaff was a bit..overly friendly..but Seeder was kind. I was told Haymitch would be an ass, but I thought he was alright. Maybe just a bit abrasive.” I shrug. Cecilia hums in response while tapping her fingers on the table. I slightly glance up at her and she looks off and smiles.

“You seem to be leaving a certain person out.” I just look at her. “He’s much more genuine than people give him credit for. You should continue to get to know him. You’re still making allies you know, it doesn’t matter that you’re no longer in the arena.” I nod and turn to look out the window.

The only good thing about being on this train for so long is that I can look at all the trees. I can get lost in them. It brings me some sense of peace with my thoughts being so loud. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to normal. How I’m supposed to just go home and move on. How am I supposed to sleep peacefully each night when there are kids that are dead because of me? I’m not. That’s exactly the point. I’m supposed to feel like my insides are eating me alive and have these nightmares. That’s how Snow wants us to feel. He knows that the games will leave you forever traumatized and he loves it. He’s sick and cruel and twisted.

My nails have drawn blood on my arm from gripping myself so tightly. When I get up to grab a napkin, I realize we’re arriving at District 8. I thought I’d be excited to be home but I just feel numb. Nothing is going to be the same and it terrifies me.

*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°

“You’re home” My mother says so softly. She runs up to me and wraps me in a tight hug when I walk into our new house in Victor’s Village. She cradles my head and rubs my back. The comfort she brings me is instant and I feel like I could collapse into her arms. Maybe I will be okay as long as she’s with me.

For my whole life I’ve only had my mother. I don’t remember my dad. He died when I was very young, but I’ve never felt like something was missing without him. I don’t feel his absence. When my father was 16 his older brother was reaped into the games and his death was so painful, that he swore to never have kids. He didn’t want to bring a child into a world where they could be put through something so heinous and vile, but he met my mother and accidents happen. My mother was anxious of course, but she still wanted to have me. She told me that when she realized she was pregnant with me, my father changed. Like some switch had been flipped. He became a completely different person. He was no longer kind, he drank, and he would have these sudden fits of rage. Mom tried to stay with him. To see if he would go back to the way he was. To see if he was just processing everything in some excessively horrible way, but he only got worse when I was born. So she kicked him out. When I was a bit older she told me that he had been shot by a Peacekeeper for some drunken altercation just days later.

My father didn’t want me and I don’t need him. I don’t feel his absence. All I feel is the love and protection that my mother has given me since I was born. She has never made me feel unwanted or like a burden. She is the strongest person I know and means more to me than anything in this world. If it wasn’t for her, I know I wouldn’t have gotten out of that arena.

“I missed you” I muffle into her shoulder. She puts her hands on my face and moves me to look directly at her.

“I missed you, too, my beautiful girl.” She then kisses me on the forehead, “Come with me. I want to show you want I’ve done with the place and then we’ll eat dinner.” She ushers me around the house showing me the different curtains and blankets she’s made. Most of the blankets she knit in our old home while I was in the arena. She told me that was the only thing she could do to keep from losing herself. While I was on my victory tour she sewed the curtains and a new bedspread for me. It’s a beautiful plum color and it makes the room much more cozy and inviting. Mom and I always try our best to make our home full of color to contrast how grey the district is. That way whenever we get home from a long day in the factories it’s an immediate breath of fresh air. We can almost instantly feel the dread of the day lift off our shoulders.

“You seemed to keep yourself busy” I say as she shows me the pillows in the living room.

“What else was I supposed to do to pass the time?” I laugh and smile so lovingly at her. It’s the first time I’ve been happy since getting reaped. I feel an overwhelming amount of relief that I never thought I’d get.

When she’s finished with the tour I follow her into the kitchen and sit at the table. We eat in a comfortable silence. Mom has always known whether I wanted to talk or not. She never tries to pry unless she knows it’ll help. It’s the first time in the while no one has expected anything of me.

A few days pass and I finally start to get a routine going. My mom goes off to work, thankfully not in the Peacekeeper factory, a different one where she makes an assortment of clothing and I start my morning by going just past the border to the shoreline. It’s the only place where grass grows since it’s far away from all the industrial fumes. I like to sit on the rocky beach and listen to the waves. I bring my sketchbook to work on designing clothes to make for the school children since I have the money to now. It’s something to do to keep me busy and help me feel like I’m doing something to help our community.

The walk home is long, but peaceful. I say hello to those moving on from one job to the next. One of the worst things that the Capitol does do the citizens in 8 is make everyone work long, grueling hours. When school lets out for the day the kids don’t get to go home and play. If there’s free time it means there’s time to work. Our labor is exploited and it’s unforgivable.

When I walk into the house it feels wrong. The air isn’t peaceful, it’s unsettling. It’s smells sickly sweet like roses. Everything seems to be in order, but the door to the study is ajar. I put down my bag and slowly walk through the hall making my way to the open door.

“There’s no need to sneak around in your own home. Please, come join me.” His voice is ice cold and it sends shivers up my spine.

“President Snow” I stiffly walk inside the study, “I apologize. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be home.” He’s sitting at the desk that hasn’t been touched since we moved it.

“Sit, I have some matters to discuss with you.” He gestures to the chair on the other side of the desk and I sit down, “I hope you enjoyed your victory tour.”

“Yes, sir. I did.” I clear my throat my uncomfortably and cross my arms to try and ground myself. I attempt to keep myself from digging my nails into my skin.

“Good, I’m pleased to hear that. I’ve heard lovely things about you. You’re well liked. Many of my colleagues have taken an interest towards you.”

“An interest, sir?” A pit opens in my stomach.

“Yes, Miss Fabelle. A sizable interest, in fact. And this is something that I cannot ignore. You see, these are the kinds of colleagues that sponsor the games and events such as your victory party.” He says as if it’s something I even wanted. He stands and starts to pace around the desk. The overwhelming smell of roses wafts back and forth with each turn. I can feel the nausea starting to grow. “The desire for you has grown quite large and I would hate to disappoint. I understand where they’re coming from. You are indeed a beautiful young woman. So, will you cooperate?” I could’ve gagged right then. He hasn’t said it outright, but I understand him clearly. These people want me. They want my body. His sinister smile grows when he notices how much I’m gripping onto my arms.

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” I say looking down at my lap. I know I don’t, but a small part of me hopes that if I ask he won’t make me. But that’s just a silly dream. To believe that I could have a choice in any of this. My body isn’t mine. My life isn’t mine. It all belongs to him.

“Of course you have a choice, Miss Fabelle.” He sits back down and my head shoots up to look him in the eye. “But certain choices have consequences. And it would be very unfortunate for perhaps, your mother, to deal with the consequences of your actions.” He sits back down, clearly satisfied with how this talk is going.

The nausea is only getting worse. My mother. He would kill my mother. The only person I have. The only person that I love. Not only is she important to me, she’s important to this district. She’s always been a strong force in the community. She helps those in need in any way she can. She stands up for what she believes in. She’s part of the rebellion that may or may not even come. If something were to happen to her it would end me, but it would also impact so many of those around me. I couldn’t live with myself if something were to happen to her.

“I understand, sir.” I speak so softly, so defeated.

“Good, I’m very pleased.” He stands up to leave, but not before leaving the flower from his coat pocket on the desk. I walk with him to the front door, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall, and he takes a small look around the space. “Thank you for meeting with me, Miss Fabelle. I hope you are enjoying your new home. You seem to have settled right in. It’s very…eclectic. Oh, and I almost forgot to congratulate you on your victory. You did very well. Until next time.” He smiles so sickeningly and then finally leaves. How kind of him to congratulate me. As if him being proud would somehow fill me with such joy and satisfaction.

The nausea finally hits me with full force and I run to the bathroom to empty the contents in my stomach. The smell of stale roses still fills the air and it continues to make me gag. Once I feel well enough to get up, I brush my teeth and head to my room. I don’t even make it to my bed before I collapse, my sobbing overtaking my body. I feel so disgusting. How can this be allowed? How can they force me to kill other people’s children and then this? Is this what they think freedom is? I don’t have to worry about dying anymore, but I have to sell my body. And if I don’t, I have to fear for the life of the person I love most in the world? How am I supposed to do something so vile? How am I supposed to continue to survive like this? I feel like ripping my hair out. Like scratching at my skin until there’s nothing left but bone.

I rush into my bathroom and run a cold shower. I have to calm down. I have to find a way to live with this and keep my mother oblivious. The only way I know how to do that right now is by washing this whole afternoon off of me. Pretending none of it happened. And that’s what I’ll continue to do. When the time comes for me to visit the Capitol again, I’ll just pretend none of it is real. It’s all a dream. A sick, twisted, horrifying dream. And I’ll just have to go from there.

*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°

Thank you so much for reading chapter 1! This is my first ever fanfiction that I’ve written so I know it’s far from perfect. I’m growing with my writing as I go, but I hope you still enjoy it! I appreciate any kind feedback!

tag list <3 (I tagged some of y'all who just liked the related posts so I hope thats okay)

@ghoulbabs @lusy98 @marvelescvpe @simplymurdock @marcyss @miserablebl00d @wife-of-all-dilfs @mrsnancywheeler

Next Chapter!

[moonlightazriel]

Bright as the Stars /// A Feysand Fic

Summary: Solstice comes around the corner and Rhysand has a special night planned for his mate.

Warnings: Fluffy and Smut

Word Count: 3,2K

Notes: My second year doing this and it's just as nice and funny as the first time. This is my gift for the @acotargiftexchange made especially for @itsthedoodle, i really hope you enjoy it, cuz i certainly did writing this piece.

Main Masterlist

Feyre took a deep breath, the city smelled like cinnamon, freshly cut trees, and mint. The winter solstice was just two days away and she had some last-minute shopping to do, Morrigan happily chatted with a fae behind the counter, trying to get a discount on a pair of emerald earrings for Amren. 

She had gotten gifts for everyone, but she still needed to find the perfect piece for Rhysand, her mate. After the events of Under the Mountain, she felt the mating bond snapping into place as she was ready to leave for Spring Court with Tamlin, when they got back home, she knew that it wouldn’t be fair to neither of them to keep pursuing a relationship with Tamlin. She wanted to explore the bond and he understood, thanking her for showing him love and compassion and telling her that he wanted her to be happy, even if that meant they wouldn’t be together anymore.

He had helped her reach out to Rhysand, and as the bond had snapped for him at the same time, Rhys immediately made sure to bring his mate home, wanting to know her, to be with her, he needed her, and now that he had her, he would never let her go again.

She sighed, looking around at the kids running from their parents, and the snow falling from the skies, everything felt magical in Velaris, she would never get used to it, a tiny snowflake fell on her open hand and she admired the intricate pattern it had. A warm hand squeezed her shoulders and she turned, to see Mor with the biggest grin and a box with the earrings in between her fingers. 

“We need to have hot chocolate, I’m freezing.” Mor said, walking towards one of the many coffee shops, filled with clients enjoying their meals. “This is the best one in the city, go have a seat, I’ll order for us.” 

Conversations filled her ears, and she just enjoyed the smell of fresh coffee beans, and cherry from a pretty pastry a few tables away. Feyre then thought of her sisters, Rhys was sending them money every month, and she wanted to visit but would her sisters welcome her? Years of sadness and loneliness filled her chest but she tried to shake the feelings away, they were doing just fine. And Feyre now had people who cared about her, people who would never leave her alone again. 

“Here.” Morrigan placed a plate with a chocolate chip cookie in it, and a steaming mug of hot chocolate, Feyre reached for the mug, the nice warmth spread on her hands even through the glove and she took a sip, the creamy texture melted in her tongue, her tastebuds almost hummed in delight with the flavor.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever had.” Feyre hummed and Morrigan giggled, taking a bite of her cookie. 

“Are you excited for your first solstice? With your new life and everything.” Her intense brown eyes scanned the freckles that peppered her nose. 

“It feels weird to be getting gifts for everyone when I couldn’t even afford to feed myself a few years back.” Morrigan silently nodded, feeling her heart squeeze in her chest whenever she thought about how much Feyre had to fight to survive, proud filled her then, as she looked at her friend, stronger than ever and still gentle and kind. “But it also feels nice feeling that I belong somewhere.” Feyre gave her a small smile, to which Morrigan replied with a gentle squeeze on her hand. 

“You’re home now, Fey.” Her heart clenched in her chest, she hadn’t felt at home in a long time. She was thankful for all the sacrifices she had to make to be in this very moment right now. The hollowness and loneliness that filled her to the point of suffocating for so many years, is now gone and replaced by unconditional love for the family that chose her. 

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Colorful balls hung from the ceiling, decorated with glitter, a very sticky one that glued to Feyre’s fingers and hair, Rhys watched as the light would sometimes refract on the sparkly substance, making the female glow in front of his eyes. 

“Cassian, if you drop those damned lights again, I’ll hang you instead.” Azriel hissed, making the room burst into laughter, but Rhys could only watch the little dimples in the corners of her mouth and the slight scrunch of her blue eyes, as she curled forward, laughing with joy at Azriel's annoyed stance. He playfully rolled his eyes and kept trying to hang the lights that pooled at his feet. 

Feyre scanned the room, the inner circle helping set the decorations in the House of Wind. She was excited for the Winter Solstice, for the first time since she could remember, she would have a proper celebration, Elain would always braid her hair and place a flower behind her ear, claiming that Feyre’s special day should always be celebrated despite the conditions they had. 

Mor offered her another glass filled with wine and she took a sip, the sweet grapery taste filled her mouth and she shook her head a bit, she was never the strongest for alcohol, and with the few sips she already had, she felt her cheeks getting warmer. 

“Having fun, pretty girl?” Rhysand purred into her mind and her eyes darted toward him, the blush getting more intense as she noticed how he was already looking at her, she didn’t know why, but whenever he looked at her like that, like she was the only female he could ever love, she would get shy under his gaze, but she loved it anyway. 

“Are you?” She replied in his mind, wiggling her eyebrows at him. He smiled at her, shaking his head as he approached her, cradling her pretty face, stroking her cheek to wipe some of the glitter, and placing a stubborn strand of hair behind her pointy ear again. 

“I know you’re excited about the solstice tomorrow night, but I think it’s a nice time to let you know I have different plans.” Those big blue eyes blinked at him in confusion.

“I thought we were going to be spending here, with our family.” Rhysand almost dropped to his knees, hearing her calling his family, her family, made his heart melt, and he sent a wave of love down the bond.

“We will, we’re having lunch with them, but I have a surprise for you.” Feyre almost started to clap like a happy kid, the thought of having a surprise made just for her made her slightly drunk brain fill with happiness, she couldn’t wait for it.

“What is it?” She tried, knowing very well that Rhysand wouldn’t tell her, she even went as far as to try to see it by herself but his mental shields were held high up. 

“Easy, pretty girl. You’re going to know what it is at the right time.” He lowered his head, and the tip of his nose brushed against hers, Feyre closed her eyes, waiting for him to close the gap between their lips, but she felt his warm lips on her forehead instead, and Cassian cleared his throat, forcing her to remember they weren’t alone in the room.

She playfully groaned, opening her eyes and starting to get away from Rhys, reaching for more decorative balls so she could go back to decorating the house for tomorrow night. 

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Her belly hurt from how much she had laughed today, the lunch with the inner circle was just like it always was, filled with funny stories from their past and lots of food. Feyre was still thinking about Morrigan’s jokes as she rubbed her skin, the strawberry scent filled the room as she rubbed the pink foam on her legs. 

She scrubbed her scalp until she was happy with the results, climbing out of the tub and wrapping a towel around her hair and her body. The fog from the hot water still filled her room as she stepped out, and a cold breeze made her shiver. She eyed her dress, a long black dress glued to her body with a slit on one leg and tiny sleeves that fell just above her shoulders. 

She sat on her desk, removed the towel, and started to style it in loose blonde curls, a shade of brown coated her eyelids, and some eyeliner and mascara highlighted her eyes, a nude shade of lipstick was applied to perfect her plump lips. Feyre stared at herself for a minute, happy with the result, feeling pretty. She finished her look with some ruby earrings and went to put her dress on. 

The dress was spectacular, making her feel like a goddess of the night, Feyre strapped her heels just in time to hear a knock on her door. Dressed in fancy clothing, Azriel and Cassian stood by the other side of the door, bowing to her and Cass offered her his hand.

“We’re here to escort you, my lady.” He said in a posh tone, making the three of them laugh. She took his hand, and he guided the way, with Azriel following close behind. They walked down the stairs of the Townhouse, Mor was facing Rhys, fixing his bow tie before she turned to her with the biggest grin. 

Rhysand was absolutely perfect, hair slicked back, and in formal clothes. Feyre almost gasped at how handsome he looked, she couldn’t believe that such a male was her mate, she was so lucky. In three quick steps, he was in front of her, taking her hand away from Cassian and pulling her with him. 

“I don’t believe that there’s anyone as beautiful as you, and I don’t think there will ever be.” Feyre hid her face in his chest, feeling her cheeks getting hot at the compliment, Rhysand was always so good with his words. 

“You don’t look bad either.” She said and he ran a hand over his smooth hair. 

“I always look good, Feyre darling.” He pulled her closer by the waist. “Are you ready to go?” The female happily shook her head and Rhys winnowed the two of them, the cold winds and the strong smell of mist and night stars filled her senses as Rhys did his thing. 

The Moonstone Palace was decorated with little lights floating in the space above their heads, tiny snowflakes fell and the winds roared outside, but with the power around the space, they couldn't feel a thing, Rhysand’s power warming the place on a comfortable level. 

They headed to the balcony where a table was set with various foods and champagne, the stars shone on a veil of black in the sky, making the whole atmosphere even more magical. Feyre gasped, petals of white roses coated the floor, and Feyre almost cried at it, Rhysand still remembered how red made her feel even months after the events of Under the Mountain. 

“I have no words to express how much I love this.” She started, using her pinky fingers to wipe the tears that gathered in the corners of her eyes. “No one has ever done something like this for me before.” Rhysand pulled a chair for her.

“Glad to be the first, then.” He sat in front of her, flicking his hands and a soft melody started to play, Feyre looked around trying to spot where the sound was coming from but to no avail. 

The food served was a combination of green salad, mashed potatoes with sautéed carrots, roasted chicken with green sauce, and a little sweet bread accompanied the food. The flavors flooded her mouth and they ate looking at the stars, casually exchanging some words. 

“You have some sauce right here.” Rhysand licked his thumb, reaching to wipe the sauce from the corner of her mouth, and applying gentle pressure on her skin, he took the thumb back to his own mouth, licking it clean as he kept eye contact with her, making Feyre swallow harshly. 

“I was always a messy eater.” She joked, remembering the times Nesta would scold her for eating like “a wild animal”. Rhys got up, extending a hand to her. 

“Would you like to dance?” The soft music was still playing in the background, Feyre allowed herself to be conducted by him, dancing under the stars, the slow dance made her heart swell with happiness and love, flooding the bond and Rhysand responded with his own feelings, such an intimate moment just for the two of them to appreciate.

Rhysand felt that he could be his true self around her, without judgment, that she would love all the parts of him despite how ugly they were. And all he could do was to love her in return, with every fiber of his being, he would love her until their time on this earth was over, and even then, people would still talk about the High Lord who loved his mate so much that he captured the stars, just for her. 

He slowly reached for his back pocket, hands grabbing the small box that was safely tucked away in his suit ever since he got ready later that evening. He pulled the box out, lifting it to the level of her eyes. The song slowly stopped and the eyes that had been closed during the whole dance started to slowly open until Feyre spotted the box.

Curiosity filled her being and she slowly reached for the box, opening it she found the most beautiful gift in the world. A crystal ball, held by a silver chain, glowing like a thousand suns. 

“You loved Starfall so much, that I thought that maybe you would want to have a star for yourself.” Rhys motioned for her to turn around, the crystal was cold against her skin as he clasped the piece together, turning Feyre again by her waist, he watched in awe as the star glowed against her skin, absolutely beautiful. 

“Rhys, this is…” She couldn’t finish as a sob parted through her open lips, tears of joy streamed down her face and she tried to control herself, but as she held the gift in her hands, it was almost impossible to stop crying. 

“I know.” He said, pulling her close. No words were needed when he could see the happiness that filled her eyes, how thankful she was for such a thoughtful gift. Feyre had never received something so perfect in her entire life, she would remember this for the rest of her life, and she would keep it around her neck, cradled near her heart for eternity. 

Feyre slowly lifted her head, lips quivering as she reached for him, closing the gap between their lips, his hands held her close as they kissed, a gentle brush of her lips against his at first, then slowly deepening the kiss, he guided them to a pile of covers and pillows resting at a corner, Rhys had intended that they would watch the stars and talk but if Feyre wanted to do something else, he was down for it. 

Laying her down, his hands slowly traveled down to her feet, strapping the heels off one after the other, then coming back up as he kissed her again, kicking his own shoes off. Her hands pulled the coat of his attire off, leaving him in just a white linen shirt. They kissed until their lungs begged to be filled with air. 

The smell of her arousal was driving him insane, he reached for the zipper at her side, brushing his hands over her right breast before he pulled it down, bringing the whole dress along. Her breasts spilled and he wetted his lips at the sight of her, Feyre was magnificent. 

“It’s unfair that I’m naked and you’re all covered.” Feyre pouted as Rhys finished removing her dress and underwear.

“Your wish is my command.” He replied, getting up and removing his clothes as quickly as he could. He looked down at her, where she lay with nothing but the star necklace illuminating her skin, and those mesmerizing eyes focused on him, Rhysand knew he was the luckiest male that ever walked on this planet. 

Feyre was ready for him as he got on top of her again, his finger easily sliding in with the wetness that pooled around her core, his thumb circled the bundle of nerves and she moaned, a beautiful little moan that hunted him ever since he heard it for the first time. 

“I need you Rhys.” She begged, her breath ragged as she looked at him. He nodded, grabbing his throbbing cock in his hands, pumping it two times before he slid inside her all the way down. She hugged him, preventing him from moving, just feeling him inside her for a while, the fullness she felt would always warm her body.  

“You are absolutely perfect, Feyre darling.” He purred, starting to slowly move his hips against her. Feyre cupped his face, thumb tracing his eyebrows, eyes, nose, cheekbones, and lips, Rhys melted with her touch, feeling the warmth that spread through his chest. 

He lowered his head, capturing her lips again, kissing her as his life depended on it, hips snapping against hers, the sound of skin slapping against skin and the whimpers she left, muffled by his lips, were the only things that filled the room at the moment. He kept moving, Feyre’s nails scratching his back as he made love to her. 

Rhysand caressed the bond, sending all of his love down the golden thread between them. Feyre felt the knot in her belly growing until it was ready to snap. He slid in and out, fast and hard, again and again until Feyre was clenching around him. Caging his cock inside her as she moaned his name, her walls milking him, making him spill his seed inside her, coating her walls in the white slick. 

He rested his forehead against hers, the two of them catching their breaths, chests moving up and down at a rapid pace. He kissed her forehead, meeting her blue eyes. 

“I love you.” He watched as Feyre moved her fingers, a velvety box appearing in between her hands, he smiled at her, he had shown her this little trick a few months ago. She popped the box up, revealing two identical rings inside. 

“Marry me!” She blurted and he felt all the strength of his body vanish, his knees almost buckling at the question, he expected any gift from her, but not the only thing he’d wanted the most.

“Of course, I’ll marry you.” He replied, feeling the tears in his eyes, kissing her on the lips, then he kissed her, on different spots of her face as she giggled. He got out of her, laying down by her side, pulling her to his chest. With the box in his hands, he reached for the smaller ring, sliding in her finger. Feyre copied his movements, sliding the bigger ring on his finger.

“Always and forever.” She whispered, his violet eyes met her. 

“Always and forever.” The two of them lay there, watching the stars. A shooting star passed in the sky and Feyre gasped.

“Quick, make a wish.” Rhys turned to his side, kissing her forehead.

“I already have everything that I need, right by my side.”

[concussed-to-pieces]

Wolves At The Door; Part Seven

Fandom: Resident Evil [Village]

Pairing: Eventual Karl Heisenberg/AFAB!Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

Summary: Calling it a town may have been a bit ambitious. Karl would have argued it was more of a hamlet, but it had a paved main road and that was impressive enough.

A/N: Welcome all, welcome to our seventh installment! I'd like to take a moment to thank you all for reading. I appreciate you immensely, and I hope your day goes well. 💚 Enjoy!

Tag List: @cookiethewriter @amneris21 @topgirl17 @vodkafolie @a-smol-witch @clockworkmidnight @calwitch @silver-quinn01 @velvet-paradox @hijackser @mrs-wolfwood @nonstop-haikyuu @mic-sunderland @somethingthatsaysbubbles @fullofmoonsandstars @stargazerofgoldenwords @imthegreenfairy86 @karlskitten @nitrogennightmare @chunnies @thirstworldproblemss @highly-unknown @tartimaar-bloggeth @thesmartbiscuit @spoopyredacted @crowtrobotx @kotall-ohh

x: Prelude

1. Indebted

2. Blood On Your Hands

3. Brush With Death

4. Come To Bed

5. Smells Like Snow

6. Hot Iron

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains mentions of blood, canon-typical violence and graphic depictions of mental duress. Stay safe!]

Karl pressed his back to the wall of the lean-to, the cold stone and cement grounding him while his chest heaved. It was just a nightmare, he assured himself desperately. Only a nightmare. Beside him you mumbled something, the noise making him flinch before you rolled over onto your stomach and stilled again.

The man slipped on his boots and left the lean-to without disturbing you further, the snow crunching underfoot as he walked, almost in a trance, towards that darker road. The sky was just barely beginning to lighten, it was still so damn early…

Karl's fists clenched. "What the fuck do you want from me, you miserable old bitch?" He hissed, "you're dead, and I was never good enough for you in the first place. Leave me the hell alone."

Poor Heisenberg, so strong you ruin everything you touch.

"I don't have to. I don't want to. Not anymore!" Karl snapped fiercely, legs carrying him further. He was now in the thick of the pines, their dark boughs close enough to suffocate him. Heisenberg gritted his teeth, ears straining to hear anything aside from his own rapid breathing. But there was nothing. Silence reigned. Not even birdsong interrupted the deafening quiet in this stretch of the woods. "I said…I said I don't want to." He hated how weak his voice sounded, like a petulant child talking back to an overbearing parent. "I don't want to."

You ruin everything you touch.

"But I don't want to anymore." Karl whispered, sinking to his knees. "Please. I don't want to anymore." His hands gripped his thighs tight enough to bruise. "I don't want to."

There it was again, the familiar, plummeting sense of inevitability. The need to fawn, the urge to lash out afterwards, twisting his stomach with self-loathing. Karl tore himself upright, storming forward to the nearest tree. Without pausing, he drew back his fist and smashed it clear through the trunk. The pine teetered overhead, abused wood creaking and a few birds taking flight, and then it came tumbling down. As it went, however, it dumped every last bit of snow it had held directly onto Karl.

The man staggered a little under the onslaught, shaking himself off. His knuckles ached and now he was cold, the sudden change sending a jolt through his system and clearing his head. What the hell was he doing?

This entire thing had been stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He never should have come along with you. The lycans, he reminded himself reluctantly. Karl hadn't seen hide nor hair of any of the bastards, and he was sure the two of you weren't being followed. Maybe they had cleared out of the area for good after that last skirmish, but he couldn't be too sure. It was as good a reason as any to accompany you and it was the only reason he had asked to tag along.

If I'm going to keep lying to myself like this, he thought, annoyed, I feel like I could come up with a better lie.

Heisenberg stuffed his hands into his pockets, raising his head to sample the air. Woodsmoke. You were awake, then. He would have to face you. He couldn't believe he had let himself go as far as he had with you during…well. Fucking you raw in a lean-to hadn't exactly been his plan for the first time. Not that he had been thinking about it! He hadn't, but if he had been thinking about it–

The man slid his hands through his hair and gave the strands a good pull in frustration. 

You ruin everything you touch.

…

Assuming Karl had risen before you to go have a bit of privacy, you weren't overly concerned when you realized you were alone in the lean-to. You moved carefully as you coaxed the fire back to life, your entire body a bit stiff and sore. It didn't help that you were shivering wildly. Even with the assistance of your layers it felt like the chill had seeped into your body overnight, and you could not wait for the snow to boil so you could have some tea.

As you sat there in a low crouch, huddled into yourself for warmth, you heard a dull crash in the distance. While it was difficult to tell with the dampening effect that the snow had, you were almost positive the noise had come from the direction of that darker, eerie road. Karl's footprints also led to that area, vanishing between the trees.

You willed your body to warm faster, suddenly wishing that Karl would hurry up and return already. You shook you head at how pitiful you were being, then rose to your full height so you could stretch a bit. To think, you had made this trip alone dozens of times and after just a few months of companionship, you were out of sorts over being alone.

Well, that and the whole lycan thing, you admitted to yourself. Hard to be alone if you knew things like that were not only real, they were very, extremely hostile. I'll give him five minutes, you decided, checking your watch. Five minutes before I go after him. In the meantime you went to retrieve Karl's smaller pack from where you had hung it over a tree branch, noting the plethora of pawprints that littered the snow beneath it. Thankfully the bag seemed to still be in one piece, and you breathed a sigh of relief once you'd gotten it down and seen that it was indeed untouched. Missing out on breakfast wasn't the end of the world, but it could be a hassle all the same.

Unscrewing the lid of your most battered jar, you popped a spoonful of preserves into your mouth. With any luck, the sugar would help to perk you up.

You returned to the camp, spork in mouth, and checked the time again. Seven minutes. You bent down to tie your boots properly, tightening the laces in preparation for some possible quick maneuvering, and you heard a familiar voice say, "hope you weren't waiting for me before you kicked off breakfast."

Karl looked…odd. He had his hands in his pockets, his posture slouched as ever, but it seemed feigned. His shoulders were too tight, his mouth settled into an unfriendly line. He was also covered in snow.

"Nah, I only just got the food bag back down." You replied once you extracted your spork, finding yourself flustered at the sight of him. You didn't know what to say. 'Thanks for the fuck' seemed a little too on the nose, for all its truth. But 'about last night' was so cliché. In the end you decided against saying anything at all, simply doling out the last of the boar for a boost of protein. Karl turned down your offer of tea, sticking to his water instead. It appeared he wasn't going to say anything about the previous night, either.

That is, until you crouched to refill your water bottle. You hadn't exactly had much action recently, and adding on to that was the night spent sleeping on the less-than-forgiving cement floor of the lean-to, so unfortunately your hips and lower back were a little sore. You grunted at the pain, and you saw Karl's head jerk up out of the corner of your eye. 

"What?" He said sharply, and he sounded almost…angry? You quailed, unsure of what to say. "What's wrong?" He asked again, a little quieter this time. 

"I'm just sore, that's all. It's not a big deal." You finally answered, your voice wavering. 

"Did I hurt you?" Karl questioned right after you spoke, and you noticed his fists were clenched tight enough to turn his knuckles white.

"What? No, not intentionally anyway!" You tried to assure him, "if anything I did this to myself. The old 'too much, too soon' treatment." Heisenberg stared blankly at you. "Karl I don't know if you've noticed, but I live out in the middle of nowhere. I don't exactly have people beating down the door to sleep with me." Ah, and there it was, the dawn of comprehension on his face. It was rapidly followed by an expression that, if you had to label it, would be something akin to resignation. Maybe even regret. 

Ouch, you thought privately, a bit dejected by his reaction. Last night he had seemed interested in a repeat performance, but now he was making a concerted effort to look anywhere except at you.

He finally huffed and tossed his head, glaring up at the sky with a fierce squint. "We need to get moving."

…

Calling it a town may have been a bit ambitious. Karl would have argued it was more of a hamlet, but it had a paved main road and that was impressive enough. 

You continued to ski onto the road, doing your best to avoid the tire tracks and stay on the snowed-over portions. Karl followed your lead, grimacing when he heard the runners of the sled shriek on pavement. You were well ahead of him as usual so Heisenberg took his time looking at the surrounding architecture.

Dark, slouching houses lined the streets, their windows all shuttered or heavily curtained in an effort to keep the heat in. A few of the larger buildings were, according to their signage, a bank (currently swamped with people in brightly colored parkas), a gas station attached haphazardly to some kind of general store, and a restaurant that didn't appear to be open.

There was a large van parked at the gas station, the driver's side door of it splayed open and a man in a stained shirt leaning into it. You had paused in the middle of the road and Karl was nearly alongside you when he heard you start to swear a blue streak under your breath. "What's wrong?" He asked you, raising an eyebrow at this sudden souring of mood.

"Tourists." You muttered dismally. "Not only that but, from the looks of their minibus, they're going to be here longer than they should be."

"Isn't that better for you?" Karl gestured at the crates on the sled behind him. "You could cut out the middle man-"

You quickly interrupted him, "never," the expression on your face hardening. Then, you admitted, "plus, I uh, I don't speak Romanian. Or Hungarian."

"You've been here how long?"

"Hey! I can read it, I just--look, it's just difficult to keep up with native speakers!" You retorted. "My brain doesn't work that fast."

Heisenberg tugged his battered sunglasses down his nose to give you a Look and you huffed, sticking your tongue out at him in a juvenile display. The man simply winked and then glanced back over at the van. "Sugar, what year you think that thing is?" He asked, mentally rifling through the engines he had seen, built or disassembled during his time in his family's factory.

You grimaced at it, shielding your eyes from the snowglare. "Early eighties? Maybe? I dunno', the engine is under the seats and it's a Mitsubishi, which I would say is not exactly a great match for the area."

Mitsubishi. Karl mouthed the strange word. "Anything like a…uh, what's it, Volkswagen? Dacia?" 

You shrugged helpfully. "I live off the grid, Karl. The less I have to know about cars, the better." You then cocked your head. "Why, are you going to try and help?"

"Can't hurt, right? And if you've got business dealings to do, it'll keep me occupied." Heisenberg took in the small herd of sheep clustered together outside the door of the general store, "it does seem like the place is a little packed. Maybe leave the sled outside."

You followed his line of sight, a smile finally gracing your face. "Ah, the girls. Don't worry, they won't give me any trouble. Good luck with the bus."

"May your negotiations be fruitful."

…

Emil was reaching his late seventies, if you had to guess. He was a man who had once been taller and broad-shouldered, but age had taken its toll on his posture. Despite his advanced years, he always took the time to meticulously comb the full head of hair he was blessed with, and his bushy mustache was eternally in pristine condition.

That same mustache twitched upon your entry to his store, the man leaning forward at the sight of you. "Wasn't certain you were still around, little one."

You gave him a confused look. "C'mon Emil, you know me! Count on me with the first snow. Hell, you could set your watch to me."

Emil shook his head gravely. "There's been much trouble the last year. Military in the spring out by the old reservoir, though they had no identifiers. After that, the livestock were raided by wolves more often." He raised his eyes to the plate glass window, squinting a bit. "Who's the man with you? Another relative?"

There was a muffled cough from the other end of the counter. Of course, the shepherd Marku was an incorrigible gossip. No doubt he had spotted you and Karl coming and so rushed to tell Emil. He was currently posted up against the far end of the counter, doing his best impression of someone heavily involved in reading a newspaper.

You rested your hands on the counter. "A drifter. Lost backpacker, I think?"

Emil's eyebrows shot up. "You hate company, little one."

"You don't need to remind me." You replied dryly, getting a chuckle out of both men. "It hasn't been so bad, I'll be honest. But I'll be happy to be alone again."

"I would not trust such a person." Marku muttered disapprovingly. "The woods are full of strange tracks and odd sightings. Those militants, I'm sure it has something to do with them." He then gestured at his own face. "When I, the shepherd, cannot trust my eyes in the night? It is a bad sign."

"You've seen them too, huh?" You asked lightly, withdrawing your offering list from your pack and then sliding it over to Emil.

"Do not encourage him," Emil protested, "he has bent everyone's ear with these supposed ill omens."

"Men-things, like wolves but upright," Marku carried on insistently, "with eyes that shine in the dark!"

"Oh yeah, one of those nearly took a chunk out of my leg." Marku seemed uncertain of your sincerity, but you continued, "nasty bastards. I picked up some talismans to keep them away from my property." You waited a beat. "Does the Duke come here?"

"Big man in a cart? Yes." Emil sounded surprised. "You have seen him?" 

"He makes the trip out to me sometimes. I think he's lonely."

"I purchased his talismans as well! They have protected my ladies from the hungry beasts." Marku tapped his chin in thought. "It has been several months since he visited, however."

You thought back to the day the lycans had descended upon your property, grimacing. That would have been…late summer? "Yeah, it's been a while. Hope he's doing well."

"There is much more here than last year." Emil commented stiffly, tugging the tiny glasses he used to read down on the bridge of his nose. "Bountiful harvest?"

You shrugged. "Not at all, that's the thing. It's just that I had Karl around to lend a hand with woodcutting and grunt work, so I could dedicate my full attention to it." Emil made a noise in his throat, returning to the list.

"Karl, eh?" Marku asked slyly, the man having officially given up his pretense of reading the newspaper. He had folded it up instead, tucking it beneath his arm so that he could gesture to the window. "First names?"

"You've gotta' be kidding me." You groaned, hearing Emil chuckle under his breath. "Listen up nosy, whatever you want to know, you can ask him yourself." Marku had the grace to look offended at your suggestion. "I'm not sitting here and letting you pump me for information." You waved at the door. "Head on out and interrupt him while he tries to fix whatever's screwed over that minibus, I'm sure he'd love to chat."

The sputtering roar of an engine punctuated your statement and you heard a cheer from outside. Marku offered you an exaggerated salute, then sauntered his way out the door.

Emil watched him leave, then glanced your way. "Are you not going to stop him?"

You rolled your eyes. "If Karl doesn't want to talk, I can promise you that will be the first, last, and only thing Marku learns from speaking with him."

…

After attempting to speak to the man working on the van in Romanian to no avail, Karl realized that he was an American and quickly switched to English. "Need a hand with this? I know a thing or two about engines," he offered, unsurprised when the sweaty man gave him a suspicious look. 

The young man abruptly sighed, wiping his forehead with the bottom of his shirt. "Name's Dane. I'm not much for vehicles, all I do is drive them." He admitted. "And I don't have any phone service out here, so I can't even call for the company's fleet mechanic. Not that it would matter, of course, they'll probably just fire me and send out a replacement van..."

Heisenberg was only half-listening at this point, his eyes taking in the engine block. Admittedly, this was not familiar ground. He grumbled mentally about foreign designs before peeling off his coat and jamming his arm down into the machine beside the belts ostensibly to 'feel around'. Out of Dane's line of sight Karl pressed his fingers to the metal of the car frame, closing his eyes so he could concentrate. He was looking for a broken circuit, disconnected wiring, something that he could find. He was almost relieved when the small 'feeler' pulses he sent out kept ending prematurely, letting him know that was indeed the problem. He could fix that, all he needed to do was locate it. 

Once he did, it was easy enough to tug the two ends out and twist them back together. The entire time Dane watched him work with an expression of rapt amazement, the younger man entirely silent. 

"See this?" Karl finally spoke, grudgingly pointing to the peeled guard around the two ends of wire. Dane nodded rapidly. "This is bad. You don't want this. Odds are good that the wiring loosened over the years and now it rubs against something or something rubs against it, wearing through the insulator." Karl placed a hand on the metal frame beneath the seats that were currently pulled out of the way. "There's a lot of things here that naked wires can make contact with, which means shorts."

"And that's bad, yeah?" Dane asked.

"Yes. Very bad." Karl was glad he had erred on the side of simplicity with his explanation, barely keeping himself from shouting of course it's bad, you incompetent bastard! The kid seemed harmless enough, if a little dull. "We're going to close it up and try turning it over now." Dane gave him a blank look. "Put the keys into the ignition. Start the engine." Heisenberg instructed, his teeth gritted. Holy hell.

They slotted the driver's seat back into place and Dane fumbled the keys a few times, but he eventually managed the Herculean task once he remembered he had to press down on both the brake and the clutch while starting the vehicle. 

The machine huffed, sputtered wetly and then rattled to life, making Dane let out a triumphant yell of, "it lives!"

Heisenberg inhaled roughly, multiple memories flooding his mind. His voice shouting those same words in glee when a new Soldat arose from his table, rusted gears beginning to grind anew, the taste of iron in this mouth and-

"Karl?" There was suddenly a hunched elderly man at his elbow and Karl barely refrained from striking him. Where the hell did he come from?! "Your friend is still inside speaking with Emil." 

Icy blue eyes looked narrowly up at Karl, gifting him another disconcerting jab of memory: Miranda in her crone form, her eyes so gray they were nearly white, her bone-adorned staff scarring the ground as she walked–

"You look familiar." The old man continued, his tone pointed.

"That's doubtful. I've never been here." Karl responded curtly while Dane clambered back out of the van, the younger man having turned off the engine. "I'd advise you to get this thing to a real Mechaniker, and soon. The repair is secure, but there's underlying problems that caused it and you need someone familiar with the vehicle to look it over." Heisenberg instructed, amused by how hard Dane nodded in reply.

"I'll have cell coverage once we reach our destination tomorrow, the company can handle it then." Dane shook his hand, his gratitude plain on his face as he pressed a few lei into Karl's palm. "I can't thank you enough! You've really saved me here, mister…?"

"Heisenberg." Karl supplied without thinking. There was a cough from the little old man who was apparently still beside him. "Er, Karl." He amended belatedly, though Dane didn't seem overly concerned with the correction. "Happy to help." Sort of, he added privately. "Good luck wrangling the tourists."

The expression of relief on Dane's face changed to one of resignation, and the young man heaved a sigh. "Oh yeah. That part."

"Godspeed, boy." The old man said with a grin, ticking a salute his way. "And you," he continued once Dane left, much to Karl's chagrin. "Karl Heisenberg, eh? Don't suppose you're related to the owners of the old factory?"

"Factory?" Karl feigned ignorance, giving the elderly man his best look of confusion. "I can't say I know what you're talking about, sir."

"The Heisenberg factory! Out by the reservoir." The man seemed almost impatient with him. "Everyone around here knows-"

"Ah, see, I'm not from around here," Karl quickly interjected. "Not local. Sorry about that." He hoped and prayed that you hadn't said anything differently. Karl then changed the subject with a benign smile, "I apologize but I didn't catch your name earlier, friend." 

"Didn't give it!" The old man replied, his tone chipper. "Bad luck around here, sharing your name with folk you don't know. Manners be damned. Can't be too careful in this world."

"S'pose not." Karl donned his coat once more. "Nice talking with you."

"Hold it!" The old man exclaimed, a wrinkled hand catching Karl's sleeve.

The former Lord looked over his glasses at the elderly fellow, raising an eyebrow. "I assumed our conversation was over."

"You young folk are always in such a rush." The man complained. "I was just about to introduce myself!"

"Marku!" Your voice cut through the air, making the old man release Karl's arm guiltily. "You'd better not be harassing him." Karl wanted to laugh at the insinuation that this geriatric could do anything to him, but he found himself touched more by your obvious concern. 

"Marku, eh?" Karl mused, imitating the way the old man had said his name moments before. 

Marku huffed at your approach, his annoyance plain. "We were simply conversing. Nothing more." He said sulkily. 

"You old gossip," you chided, seizing the newspaper from beneath his arm and tapping him on the head with it. "Stop being a menace."

"No harm done." Karl chuckled, noting that despite your sharp words, you seemed to be in high spirits. "Have you finished your business?"

"Yeah! I wanted to ask you to come inside and have a look around. I've got a lot more credit than usual and I already have everything I need accounted for." You hooked a thumb over your shoulder. "Go in and be a tourist." You had such a fantastic smile on your face, Heisenberg nearly missed what you were saying. "After you finish, we can set up camp and I'll treat you to someone else's cooking for once."

"My wife's!" Marku supplied proudly, elbowing Karl in the ribs. "Seems our little one hasn't been feeding you well. After you have your dinner, you can fix my chainsaw's motor as payment."

The word chainsaw had an odd effect on him. First pride, then guilt, then cold shame that trailed icy claws down his back. Heisenberg could feel the blood draining from his face and he set his jaw in a hard line. Luckily you were scolding Marku again, which gave Karl time to master himself enough to politely turn down the elderly man. 

"Besides," Heisenberg reasoned, smiling thinly as he held up the meager handful of lei he had received, "looks like dinner will be on me tonight, sugar."

Part Eight

[moonlight-blue-rose]

Part 4 of my journey with the 1863rd arc, yesterday I didn't even realise I've spent 4 hours on 4 chapters....

ch 295

… h u h? huhhhhh?????

This,,, makes sense actually. I wondered how she would kill yjh but never guessed it would be through such means…

Oh. Oh. It was Yoo Joonghyuk, wasn’t it? He was the one who told her to protect the people he loves until the end she thought of. That’s why he promised to die, didn’t he…

Ahhhh the back and forth, “some call it salvation” – was that a dig at kdj’s modifier? Because it sure feels like one

And what does she mean “it isn’t the world I made”? Is it because of the Covenant? Or is it because it is a world reached after 1862 regressions? I really don’t think kdj is right about his guess for hsy’s Covenant. Something just doesn’t add up

Of course he didn’t haha

Oh Kim Dokja you sly little- So that was the decision he reached in the end

... holy-…

Ch 296

Wow, just, the description… I have already spoiled myself yjh’s sponsor but every time they are referenced in the story is with such mystery and ‘otherness’ that leaves a big impression. Just, wow…

Snow… reminds me of the snow garden between the letters, the space only a reader can hide in…

Oh Yoo Joonghyuk… (╥╯^╰╥)

It’s a very faint voice… A voice suffocated underneath all the others… But it’s still there… Kim Dokja heard it…

The whole scene that feels like slow motion… Kim Dokja’s determination, his desire to see the ending, an ending, even if it’s not the ideal one he wanted… Why does all of this feel like defeat? And yet at the same time like a culmination to everything he has ever wanted... Even if he is not part of that story… he still wanted to see it…

I want to go there and shake him, ask him why is he giving up? The Kim Dokja I’ve read about didn’t give up, even if everything looked impossible. I want to tell him there is another way. But there isn’t, is it? He tried. He gave his best. There is nothing he himself can do anymore… And it’s just so unfair, to see him bow down like this, here and now… But at the same time, it’s a decision only he, the person who loves this story the most in the world, can make… The decision of a Reader… God, this arc is giving me too many emotions

Hahaha, of course he would throw himself on the path of an attack meant for yjh. He did the same with the 41st sys too after all

"Director of the false last act" such a fitting name

It does! It does… It’s a world only Kim Dokja could create…

Ch 297

It’s what you deserve for making yjh eat soil lmaooo

Honestly, the whole orv feels like that one post here on Tumblr “I’m asking you to endure it.” Yes, it may be incredibly selfish. Yes, you will suffer and it will hurt so much. But, still, please, endure. Orv just has this particular taste…

*crying* It’s the first time he admitted that he just doesn’t want Yoo Joonghyuk to die…

Honestly, it felt really strange since we got wos’s revisions but, the original text of wos disappeared forever. It was the story he grew up with. It was the story he fell in love with. And yes, it means so much that he can influence the third turn so they can reach the end but… But the original text disappeared. If I was Kim Dokja, I would feel heartbroken. Your memories can remain for only so much, that why losing the original text hit me hard. Yes, kdj has his strange mind library thing but can he go there at will? Maybe he could in the future. But it still makes me wonder whether kdj represses these feelings. I wonder whether he reread the text again and again in the 1863rd round not only to find a way out but also for himself. As a last attempt to keep this story with himself just for a little longer…

This whole arc is just pure pain, I understand why everyone is crying about it

… I knew it but having it confirmed hurts a lot more… Yoo Mia… His only baby sister… and his mother figure too… (╥╯^╰╥)

…. Everything until the end of the chapter… I need a moment… Yoo Joonghyuk…

At this point I can’t even explain what I’m feeling (╥╯^╰╥)

BOTH, BOTH ARE REAL!

He picked Kim Dokja’s coat… He abandoned the person he was and turned away so he can become someone new, someone who isn’t “the protagonist”… Yoo Joonghyuk, who found a different answer altogether

One of them is gone forever… I can’t believe this. I-

At this point I’m just crying- He isn’t a character, he isn’t a character

Ch 298

Kim Dokja having a panic attack is really understandable, with the way everything ended. Dissociation time yay! *sighs*

Of course he would want her to be honest with the rest of the party… He loves them too much not to do at least this for them…

Yeah… Maybe it was finally a time he did that… Not being chained down by the “protagonist” title but just being Yoo Joonghyuk…

A baby?? Is this referencing yjh’s sponsor? There was the sound of a baby laughing when they were described earlier. Uhhhhh I don’t know at this point

Hahaha of course she got attached. No matter which one it is, hsy has such a big, bleeding heart

I don’t think I can finish the arc today, these few chapters were just so draining. Hopefully there won’t be much to cry about in the next chapters, I don’t think I’ll be able to bear so much emotional damage in such a short time…

[heartbreakempress]

Fairiest of All

(This is my first time writing, so excuse my grammatical errors or spellings, BTW the appearance of the character is OC Please enjoy>\\\<)

Warning: Violence, mentions of abuse, pregnancy, Smut, Rape, kidnapping, angst, cursing, maybe happy ending in last part.

Maybe being born beautiful is not always a blessing, having a face that rivals goddesses can endanger your whole existence, having suitors surround you barely letting you explore the world that awaits, and a family that keeps you hidden from prying eyes of others, suffocates you until you can barely breath.

Golden locks that shines like the brightest sun, lips like the red-red rose, nose sculpted to perfection, eyes twinkle like the bluest star, skin white as the whitest snow and body like an hour glass. Her name is y/n, a princess, the epitome of beauty in their land, now weeping in her bedroom after her father the king announces that he arranged a wedding for her with a fine young prince who can give all the love she deserves. She packed all the things she needed and after 2 days will travel to the land of his husband to-be.

Arriving she was welcomed with warmth from everyone and also from prince y/n was to be married, handsome young man and to her perspective a kind one to her perspective, maybe this won't be bad, she thinks. After 5 days building a friendship with the prince sure is good but at the same day finding out that he already had 3 women in waiting to be his concubine after the wedding, broke your heart to pieces. So, here you are walking along the shore rethinking your life decisions, maybe planning some rebellion to take the throne or something. "huh fuck life and that prince, the ocean looks ethereal maybe a bath won't hurt?". The princess is just wearing a long white robe with a feather pattern. Slowly she took a step towards the water feeling the cool sensation, she walked farther until she's plunged underwater diving to her hearts content, not knowing the God of the Seas watching her every move.

The gods of seas pov:

Looking around the shore as part of taking care of the ocean Is a must, to make sure those pest humans don't do anything to harm my kingdom, after a while of patrolling I saw a human girl, staring to the see mumbling something, humans sure are crazy. I see that she's walking towards the see, is she going to contaminate my ocean? Walking forward I'm stunned, taking in her breathtaking features that even supprases Aphrodite, I just stare at the human girl until she's plunged in the water, after a while she starts to emerged from the water, staring intently in her figure her blond locks is like dripping with diamonds, her breast perk completely seen and skin glistening under that robe. I was about to approach her when someone came shouting, '' Princess your bride lesson is about to start where are you? '', what bride lesson she's about to get married? I should not concern myself with this humanly matter, after that I left going back to the castle.

Thinking that serene encounter with that human princess I can sleep for 3 nights, that scene keeps repeating in my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about that girl im growing crazy, I'm perfect in every way, it's that girls fault I'm being like this, but hahaha I'm lonely for centuries now, maybe a little wife who can carry my children doesn't sound so bad, and who would dare to disobey me. TONIGHT I MUST HAVE YOU.

Sleeping in the guest bedroom I feel uncomfortable for some reason, I feel someone watching me and also it's extra chilly tonight or is it the ocean breeze? (btw the castle is close to the ocean so hahaha), I decided to go back to sleep thinking it's just the wind until a looming figure appears, I was about to get up and turn around when the voice spoke and said '' My Sweet Y/N let's go to your new home'', thats the last thing I remember after that horrible night.

The said princess wakes up frightened knowing she's no longer in her room only to find her self in a luxurious room with white and blue walls and a ocean like ceiling, her clothes has been changed to a pink transparent robe with nothing underneath, showing everything to offer, y/n gets up to look in the window thinking maybe she could escape, but looking she's surrounded by waters a literal ocean water. Rocking her brains out, how the hell is she under water? Who kidnapped her, is the kingdom she left looking for? She's in the state of panic thinking a way to escape, when the door opened living the panicking princess stiff and frightened. '' You're Awake'', looking at her captor she's blown away by the perfect being in front of her with a trident in hand and a perfect toned body , shaking the idea she gathered all her courage and ask' ʼ'who are you, why did you abduct me?

The man stares at her with emotionless face and said '' Poseidon, God if Seas'' her whole world crumble knowing she can' t runaway from this one. The said God stared at her intently seeing the see through robe that he provided, he starts approaching her and uttered one word that leaves the girl shaking in fear, '' strip''. Knowing where this thing is headed the girl pleaded ' 'please no! Anything but that!' 'y/n started crying not knowing what to do. Poseidon puts his trident aside and hurriedly tossed the girl in bed,' '' I'm lonely for so long, I need a perfect being like you to relieve this urge, have my hot cum inside you until it become bloated because of too much hot spurt and for you to carry my child, I also need a wife and it happens that you appeared, now stay still we will make love to each other. The girl thrashed around trying to escape, only for the God of seas to slap her, '' stay still or you will suffer consequences, do you understand? Poseidon says clearly pissed because of the disobedience shown by his so called wife.

He started kissing her neck going up to meet her soft plump lips, savoring the strawberry tastes, snaking his long tongue clashing with hers, the girl stiffens when she feels his hand cupping her breast roughly. Poseidon suddenly sits taking in the beautiful girl underneath him, he tears the transparent robe and proceeds to position his head inside the princess thighs, '' hmmm vanilla''he said taking in the smell of arousal before diving in and eating out the girl hungrily like having the last meal of his life time, flicking, sucking and biting on the: inside thighs leaving the girl moaning, squirming, shaking taking in her first ever orgasm.

'' Aahh ah Please enough I can take it anymore'' she said panting hard,' '' You have to take four of my fingers if you want to take my cock'' the God said showing his fingers,' '' aagh ha ha please stop'' the girl cried when she feels one finger enters her spongey muscle. Poseidon adds two more finger while sucking on her pink buds. You feel like the world is spinning each time the God of seas drills his finger forward, hitting all the right spot making your body shiver, adding another finger you feel full. After a minute of fingering, you feel the orgasm building, '' ah! Ah! I'm cumming''. Poseidon sits up and starts to undress letting his perfect body display in full glory, letting his thick fat cock spring out, Y/N tried to get up and runaway only for Poseidon to catch her,' '' the best part is coming and your running away?, pulling back he positioned his cock, rubbing his tip to part the slit of her pussy and begins to push inside. You cried feeling ripped apart, '' now, now the pain will subside later, bear with it'' Poseidon then suddenly pushes everything earning a hard scream from you' '' why would you do this it hurts really'' Poseidon just ignored your words and keeps delivering powerful thrust rocking your world upside down. After a minute of thrusting Poseidon' s cock started to twitch, his orgasm is near ''now be good and take all of my seed, don't spill a drop, you should be honored that you will receive this' 'with one final thrust he released rope after rope of cum, he spreads your legs and pushed the overflowing cum with his fingers. After that he' s still not satisfied with one round making you bend in every position he likes and shooting hot spurt of come inside you, '' ah ah ah Please I'm so tired I can't do it anymore'' You said with tears streaming your face, Poseidon thrusts in ungodly pace realeasing his last hot cum inside her,he kissed her forehead laying beside the blond girl wrapping his arms around her both of them drifting to sleep' '' truly my love your the fairiest of all''.The girl barely heard what the god said praying that everything that just happened is a bad dream, wishing everything will go back to normal when she wakes up. May the days ahead heals her shattered heart.

(there's a part two and I'm taking request, see you>^<)

[zombiedumbie]

00. THE BOY

'Wolf brought another strange kid home' masterlist.

'onnanoko' means 'girl'.

based on Law's light novel, fluff, mentions of loss of memories, 1st person pov, mentions of blood.

Wolf brought another strange kid home.

I thought as I saw the old man enter the house with a boy in his arms.

I found it amusing, after all, it's not like he did this often, and in fact, I was one of those children. The very first, however, with no memory of who I was; unlike the others who had a name and a past.

The boy was the second. Wolf laid him down on one of the old bedrooms; he had deep dark circles under his eyes and light, but noticeable, white spots on his skin; he was skinny, had scraped knees, and dried blood on his clothes.

He didn't seem much older than me, maybe a year or two at most, which was already frightening because, you know, boys were definitely scary.

He wore patched-up clothes and seemed to own the white hat with black dots that rested beside him, as his hair appeared marked by the accessory. His leather shoes looked worn, perhaps from too much walking; I wondered what had happened to him before Wolf found him.

Wolf gave me a cloth and a bucket of warm water and asked me to at least clean his face, and when he woke up, he'd give him new clothes for a bath. I tried to do it carefully not to wake him, but when he moved, I bolted out of the room like a frightened deer running from Wolf when we go hunting.

I sat on the couch looking frightened after stumbling down the wooden staircase, almost as if I had been caught doing something wrong.

"Onnanoko", Wolf called me after a while; that's what he used to call me since I didn't have a name. He told me he wouldn't give me a name because he wasn't my father.

"I think the kid woke up, get some soup for me, yeah?" He asked, preparing a tray. I had to climb onto one of the chairs to reach the pot safely without spilling it on me. I handed him a deep plate of hot soup, which he placed on the wooden tray. I watched him leave the small kitchen to go upstairs, wanting to see the boy again, but my extreme fear of new people kept me in the kitchen.

I silently observed the orderly chaos of the old man's house. Wolf seemed to have a slight problem with hoarding things; his entire house was full of scattered items, like old radios on the floor, appliance remnants, crowded shelves, bottles of magic liquids, plants that, despite him not watering them, seemed to survive amid the chaos; even the stairs had books leaning against the corners. I didn't know what color most of the walls were since they were covered with paintings.

All surfaces were cluttered with knick-knacks, but those we needed to use always had a reserved space. I couldn't lie, in the first few days, it all seemed overwhelming, and I felt a bit suffocated, but as time passed, the house became more comforting than stifling.

I couldn't blame him; he was an inventor, his mind must work too fast to even care about taking care of all this.

I nestled into an empty space on the cold countertop while watching the snow flurry against the back door when I heard a crash from upstairs, like something had fallen on the floor.

I ran, afraid that the old man had hurt himself, or worse, the boy had hurt him. I climbed the cluttered stairs so quickly that the wood didn't have time to creak beneath my feet, a courage I didn't even recognize in myself. I pushed open the white door of one of the old rooms; Wolf was sitting there, seemingly sampling the soup, while the boy looked at him with wide, fearful eyes.

"Now you know there's no poison. It's okay; I'm not your enemy. I'm not on the 'justice' side either, but I'm not the kind of scum that would ambush a kid", Wolf spoke. Neither of them seemed to have noticed my presence.

It was only when Wolf handed the soup to the boy that I saw the gleam of the scalpel in his hand, but after sipping the broth, he put down the blade and started eating. And then, he began to cry as if his life had been saved in that moment.

"Damn… it's so good. So good!" He said, not pausing to stop talking and shove more food into his mouth. Wolf chuckled at the boy's reaction.

"I'll give you a few seconds", Wolf practically teased him. I sighed in relief, apparently everything was fine.

I stealthily left the room, but then I heard him call me a few minutes later. "Onnanoko!"

Shit, had he seen me? "I know you're there, bring some of those clothes", he grumbled. What does this old man think I am? His maid? But I did it anyway, I did it, after all, "give and take." The boy was no longer in the room when I placed the clothes on the bed; I rushed outside without saying a word to Wolf.

I returned to my room and left them to talk; Wolf would probably make the same deal with him as he did with me, so he wouldn't need my presence for that. I was also scared to talk to the boy, after all, he had a scalpel! Was he thinking of hurting us? But Wolf was strong; he wouldn't let the boy harm the old man, so I would be safe. As a precaution, I wedged a chair under the doorknob of my room.

[acornsandoaktrees]

LOTRweek Day 1:

memory | history | home

numquam obliviscaris, commemores semper (never forget, always remember)

After Thalanes' death, each of her family visit her grave.

beta-read by the wonderful @usernamemybeloathed !

TW: alcohol

>---|-

"Mae govannen, Nana."

Laerion's warm breath misted in the frigid air. Thalanes' cairn regarded him blankly.

"I, um, brought some flowers. Snowdrops, your favourite."

Breaking through frost to soft dark soil, Laerion set the blooms amongst the growing garden hugging her cairn. Despite the harsh winter, every bud burgeoned into untainted swan-white.

"Nana, I have to tell you something."

Thin clear ice cracked from the stone. Shaking off a wintry stupor. These visits were growing fewer and further between.

Laerion rocked back on his heels. "I'm planning to leave after the eclipse. Let me explain before you get angry!"

Bare clattering branches agitated on a swift cold wind.

"I know the first thing you would tell me is that I have a duty to our family. Then you would say I have a duty as heir."

Rooting out clumps of lichen, a dark-furred deer wandered through the glade. It gave no notice of him before moving on.

Laerion leaned forward a little to privatise their conversation. "But they will be okay, Nana. I've seen it myself, and you must have, before... Alphes is way better at this than me."

The wind dropped, warmth returning to the pale sunlight painting blue shadows across Thalanes' cairn.

"Ada sees it too, you know." Laerion pulled fistfuls of moss into his hands. Frost bit at his fingers. "This is the right thing to do, for me and for them."

He closed his eyes, sunlight reddening his eyelids. His voice adopted a begging undertone. "I have tried everything else. I need to get out, find my own way. Please understand."

Her cairn stared back stonily. Laerion sighed.

"You were the glue that held Ada and I together against all odds. With you gone... you know he's always wanted me to devote myself to succeeding him, but I just feel suffocated."

A gentle breeze swept in and wrapped him in a hug. Laerion leaned into its embrace.

"Nana, if you've taught me anything, it is to trust my instincts when all else fails. What else can I do without your counsel?"

Gasping on tears, Laerion stood quickly. The bubble of wind dispersed from around him, wailing into the trees.

"I'm sorry I will not be able to see you again. Goodbye, Nana. Be well."

Branches reached for him, catching on his clothes. A final falling oak leaf wiped a tear from Laerion's cheek as he left the hilltop glade crowning Felegoth. He retreated into cold shadows instead of the halls' warmth.

>---|-

"Mae govannen, Nana!"

Low winter sunlight burst across Alphes' eyes; she bent and righted a stone slab so that it balanced firmly in its correct place.

"So, this week has been eventful." She sat cross-legged on the mossy carpet, uncaring of the snow on her long cloak. "There are preparations underway for a festival -- the eclipse, do you remember?"

Snowdrop stems bent to face her, fragile swan-white petals splayed wide. Leaning to reach them, Alphes brushed her fingers over translucent membranes, touch feathery for fear of disturbing their winter resilience.

"It is going to be wonderful, I think." Melancholy crept onto her face. "I wish you could be there."

"Tauriel is going with me," Alphes confessed, whispered like secrets shared years ago. "I'm really happy. I feel like I should not be, because you're gone, and that is so horrible. But I am."

Falling leaves twirled about her in an unseasonably warm stirred wind that ruffled her swan-white hair. Alphes' nose stung from the biting chill in the air when it dropped.

She tucked her knees up to her chin. "You know, if you were here, I would ask for your advice. I suppose without you I'll have to figure it out on my own, hm?"

Stone-faced, the cairn did not answer.

"Yeah." Alphes buried her freezing face in her sleeves.

Until sunset, Alphes sat in the snow beside her mother's cairn, braiding and unbraiding her hair as she described the week's events in detail. It kept her hands busy, her mind busy. Snowdrops crowded around her eagerly.

>---|-

"Say mae govannen, Legolas."

"Mae gobamen!"

"We will work on it," Setting his son down -- little boots crunching on frost -- Thranduil patted his shoulder. Kneeling, he ignored snow melting onto his thick winter trousers. "Why don't you tell your naneth what happened today?"

Legolas' eyes brightened. "The moon swallowed the sun!"

Holding the elfing close, Thranduil's chest rumbled with laughter. "Yes, we saw a solar eclipse." Looking upon Thalanes' cairn, he bit back sudden hot tears. "The first since you left."

"It was so cool," Legolas commented, fiddling with the clasp that secured his shawl.

Thranduil swallowed thickly, his voice strangled. "Very cool. Legolas, how about you go find your friends now?"

"Okay, Ada. See you later, Nana!" Thranduil watched his son hug his mother's cairn, awkward but heartfelt, before rushing off.

Pulling in deep breaths that cut harsh like ice shards, Thranduil removed his gloves. One breath, one finger; meticulous, grounded.

Tucking the gloves inside his bag, he exchanged them for a waterskin.

"I brought you some wine, melleth. I know the birds drink it, but it is hard not to share it with you."

He poured wine from the waterskin into two wooden cups and set one on the highest stone of her cairn. A ritual. Burning a track down his frozen face, a tear fell from his chin to melt a tiny concave in the snow.

"I hope you are content in Valinor." Thranduil drank from his cup; the wine was spiced, settling warm in his stomach. "I struggle to be."

He let out a breath, watching the cloud dissipate in front of his face. His breath was hot thanks to the wine; red sunlight caught it, so that it seemed to be aflame.

"I admit, I would readily join you if not for our children. I do my best with Legolas, but the other two... they are detached from me now. They have had to survive on their own."

Shadows crept up the hill as the sun sank ever lower. Intangible reaches of thin branches, stretched fingers folding over his legs. Thranduil curled his free hand into a fist. His fingertips were reddened from the cold, blood throbbing.

"Some weeks I do not even get a glimpse of Laerion. Alphes strays too far into the forest, as she always has done. I think perhaps Legolas is the only one who actually loves me."

He laughed despite a lack of real humour behind the joke. It died quickly in the humming quiet. Even the Forest River skirting the hill had frozen over, its rushing race muffled.

"I wish you were here," Thranduil whispered, broken, "I am alone."

His heart longed for birdsong and blossoms. Something in which to forget grief, to drown agony in life.

[mr-nauseam]

SnowJanus Week Day 2. Canon Divergence . Dear Coryo... I feel like I'm losing my mind.

The nightmares that plagued me are only getting worse. Today you died among rainbow snakes, and Marcus is still hanging from the rafter, like a bloody angel, reminding me of my sins. And as usual I could do nothing but mourn your losses, drowning in tears instead of saving both of you.

I woke up crying and my Ma came running to my side, in a vain attempt to calm me down. The poor thing does nothing but tear her nails to shreds, when she thinks no one sees her because I'm an absolute mess. I wish I didn't worry her so much. She doesn't deserve to be so restless, but I have no idea how to help myself. Getting out of bed, seems impossible with each passing day, and all I want to do is rot in the sheets.

It's selfish. I know. But I have promised her to try harder to keep on living? and so I keep on going to my therapist even though my sessions continue to come to nothing. I have signed up to have a stranger repeat to me what my father tells me all the time: that I am lucky, that I waste every opportunity life offers me with my pessimism and everything would be better if only I would change my attitude-

Sejanus takes the eraser and decides to erase that last part. Remembering with regret, that in reality Coriolanus would agree with those words, he was always so suspicious of what he called Sejanus ' capricious attitude. He frowns at the discomfort at those words, until he pauses at the blank space left on the sheet, and the discomfort of what he is doing hits him.

Was he really complaining to Coryo, about his sad existence as a privileged child, while he was living in poverty for almost a decade without telling anyone, without asking for help, and still getting perfect grades? Coriolanus whose attitude was controlled and polite, whose appearance was neat and shiny, Coryo the perfect citizen, who starved, and sacrificed everything so that in the end the Capitol, would punish him for his kindness, by saving the life of a girl from the districts, with whom he fell in love -and whose fate no one knew. Almost as if she had disappeared in the wind after her victory.

Coryo's future was doomed.

Forced to be a peacekeeper, unable to study at the university, with Sejanus, and unable to fulfill his dreams. Once, before the ill-fated tenth games, Coriolanus smiling as he rarely saw him, told him that his grandmother had always believed he could become president of Panem. And while he always appreciated the comment as a simple demonstration of her affection, he had begun to consider the possibility seriously in recent years.

President Snow. The idea might be fantastic, but now it was impossible. He was far away, and not only that, but the Snows had lost their ancestral home in the Corso, and the Plinths had moved in just below, like usurpers, moving into a new apartment they didn't need. Guilt twisted his insides and Sejanus wanted to tear up his letter, not to send anything this time, until he could think of something better to say, because he could not burden his only friend with his irrational worries, when he had bigger problems and he only stopped himself from doing it, because he remembered that letters, is the only thing they will have for 20 years.

Letters that arrived every fortnight.

Did Sejanus really want to waste this opportunity? His therapist's voice echoed, and he had to agree with him. He wrote where the ghost of the letters of his fury lay:

I miss you so much. I hope you are well. Tell me all about your training. You'll do great, I have no doubt about it, you've always been so talented and smart, and your father was an important Colonel. I'm sure it's in your blood.

Are you thinking of taking the officer's exam? With the certificate we sent you you can qualify, you just need to study and... . Almost all my fanfics are divergences from canon so I took the opportunity to delve into certain details of my fav creation: Suffocation Timeline one and for which I am finally writing a sequel :)

[raijae]

Red Snow

Summary: Alice is controlled by another being and does the unthinkable.

Word Count: 651

Warnings: Mentions of blood and violence

Tags: @flowerslut @twilight-secret-gift-exchange

Event: Twilight Secret Santa Gift Exchange

A/N- This is my fic account I enetered into the event with my other account @flesh--amnesiac I sincerely apologize for the late secret santa gift. This secret santa was ho-ho-horrible this year and should be put on the naughty list. For 10 plis years. Tumblr erased my original fic and moodboard that was queued and set to post on the 25 whilst I was on vacation. I came back this morning to find that nothing was posted. I had to rewrite it and honestly I wish I could've given you the long fic you deserved. It's a lot different and shorter than the original idea/work but nonetheless I hope you enjoy it. I am truly sorry.

He expected death to come for him at some point. Maybe in the form of Maria coming to take him back into her cold dead grasp. Maybe in the form of the Volturi trying to take his heart, Alice, away. But he never in his wildest dream thought it'd be by her hands.

Her beautiful delicate hands. The hands that once touched him so softly despite not needing to. The hands that comforted him at his worst instead of pushing him away. That touched him with such love and adoration. The hand that would tangle themselves in his hair. The same delicate hands that were now dripping a mixture of red and black onto the wet snow covered ground next to his head.

Nothing could have prepared him for this. Fate had finally decided it was time for him to pay for all that he had done in the cruelest way posssible. Alice stood above him drenched in blood and vemon. She was looking down at him, her eyes feral and as dark as vantablack. Her body was rigid like that of a wild beast it contrasted greatly to her normal carefree demeanor. The rage that radiated off her was thick and suffocating.

He couldn't do anything, for the first time he was at a loss. He couldn't bring himself to fight back not with the possibility of her coming back to him. There was always a possibility, he'd seen it happen before. Although, the chances of coming out of this alive were slim to none. Looking up at her, he couldn't help but think her rage was the most beautiful site he had ever seen.

"Alice... darling... please... hear me... come back to me..." he said his voice strained. She didn't respond it was as if he never spoke a word.

"Please, Alice, I can't fight you. I won't. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I maimed you. Please, darling, come back to me." He tried again but this time she had grabbed him by the neck. He tried to move but she just kept catching up to him. Whoever or whatever was controlling her made her faster and stronger than ever. He grit his teeth as she began to squeeze slow and hard. He could feel each and every crack that formed on his pale scarred skin.

He knew this was going to be it. He wouldn't and couldn't stop her. He would let her kill him if it meant he was alive. He knew the rest of the clan would take care of her. Once he was dead the spell would be broken and all control would be obsolete.

"Alice if you can hear me..... just know that this isn't your fault..... I wouldn't have wanted it to end any other way........ You being the last thing I see is the only thing I want...... I love you with every fiber of my being.....more than life itself..... Please just live for me........ I'm sorry I couldn't stop this.... that I wasn't strong enough to-"

Five days later Alice awoke from what she could only assume was some type of sleep. Carlisle was the first to greet her. He wore his usual calm smile but his eyes held something resembling sorrow in them. She assumed it was due to her current state. She also noticed that she couldn't see. Maybe her powers weren't fully there yet? He checked her reflexes and asked her a few questions which confused her. It was then that she realized Jasper wasn't in the room and she couldn't sense him anywhere.

"Carlisle? Where's Jasper?" She asked as she looked out the window. She hadn't noticed his sudden shift in demeanor or that Edward and Bella had walked into the room. When she turned around it hit her and then everything went blank. The last thing she saw was Bella rushing at her.

[timeoverload]

I had to leave work around 10:30 this morning. I tried so hard to keep moving but I couldn't do it. I can't stand for very long and it's hard to keep my balance. Last night my sock was blood stained when I took my shoes off even though I don't have any visible wounds so I'm not sure where that's coming from. It happened again today even though I wasn't on my feet as long. My leg won't stop vibrating. I felt so guilty leaving. The pressure on my bladder is worse today and I had to keep rushing to the bathroom. Sorry for sharing that information but it's really uncomfortable. I know I don't have a UTI because I took a test when I got home.

I am going to the spine specialist in the morning and I'm going to try to get in for an injection on Friday. I don't know how the hell I'm going to pay for it. They won't schedule me any more appointments if any of my bills go to collections so I need to get on top of it right away. I don't want to get my injection alone!!! I want someone there to take care of me!! :'( I hope I don't get a spinal headache this time.

I knew something bad was going to happen. I'm so tired of going through this alone. My dad is the only person that has actually been there to help me. I wish I didn't have to ask him to help me all the time. He already has so many other things to worry about. I haven't been able to drive anywhere for weeks due to the snow either. I have a lot of errands to run but I don't expect him to drive me everywhere.

I'm also feeling pissed off at the world because I have to go through all of this without anything to relieve my pain or stop my muscle spasms. I am so uncomfortable!! I wish I lived in Colorado or something... I want to run away sometimes but I know I couldn't do it financially. It's not fair!!! I don't really drink anymore either and it's been over a month since I had a beer. I can't remember the last time I got drunk.

I feel like I will be trapped in this prison (my bedroom) forever. I feel like a feral animal locked in a cage. My mess keeps growing and maybe if I'm lucky it will eventually just suffocate me while I'm sleeping. How the fuck am I supposed to clean when I'm like this?? I have to keep ordering more clothes and I have probably spent thousands of dollars over the past year. I lost track. I don't want to keep doing that and I could have used that money to pay off a lot of my debt. I don't have a choice because I'm not going to wear dirty clothes. I haven't felt good enough to put the new mattress pad on my bed that I bought like 6 months ago and I couldn't get the old one off so I just ripped it in half so I have a space to sit. I don't have sheets on my bed and I just have to lay on blankets. There is so much stuff on my bed that I can't use the other side. How am I supposed to do anything?? I am pathetic. I don't think anyone realizes how bad it is or takes me seriously. I wish someone would put me out of my misery sometimes. I am not going to hurt myself but existing is pretty terrible right now.

I don't think I would be so nasty and angry if I wasn't in so much pain constantly. I don't think people understand that. I'm generally the sweetest person and I try to be kind to everyone but I know I haven't acted that way lately. I feel like I have been very mean and I'm getting worse so I'm sorry for that. No one knows what it's like until it happens to them. Literally anyone can become disabled at any time so don't take anything for granted.

I remember years ago I had a co-worker who had been working in sterile processing for 15 years and she was such a bitch to me all the time and was hard to be around. I was afraid of her. I understand now why she was like that... she was in a lot of pain too. I definitely have a lot more empathy for her now. I hope she is doing better now wherever she is. I've also taken care of a lot of sick people and I know that pain can bring out the worst in someone. People tend to lash out more often when they are desperate for relief because they get ignored otherwise.

My head is killing me because I am dehydrated since I keep having to go to the bathroom almost every hour. It's making me dizzy. I'm glad I don't have to go to work tomorrow because I would probably cry. I managed to take a shower when I got home but it didn't really help me feel better. I think I am going to sleep the rest of the day. I had breakfast but I don't feel like eating anything else today and I don't care about food now. I hate eating. I don't want to be awake anymore because it's depressing and I have no desire to do anything. I'm sorry for being such a downer but this is just how my life is and I don't think it's going to change any time soon.

Hopefully everyone else is having a much better day than I am... thank you for listening to me vent. 💖💖💖

[cyborg-3005]

incoming personal first world problems from a whiny autistic white boy. if you like christmas, that’s cool, please ignore my ranting.

ok ik most people really like holiday/christmas music and theming and allat. honestly, great for them, they should enjoy what makes them happy.

i dont really get it myself, tho. guess i, just, derive happiness and quality time with people i care about in ways that dont involve following this specific theme and using this specific music and these colors and dressing up like this specific thing. not saying its wrong for others to enjoy it that way at all. it just feels a little suffocating that it seems like EVERYONE loves the shit out of this specific theme.

like, yes, i love the idea of giving to others and spending time with them. that’s super cool and i vibe with it 100%. it makes me happy.

it’s just like, people seem to expect that i’m going to enjoy this specific brand of it, even though that’s not really how happiness works. why do i need a theme for my happiness? why can i only enjoy giving gifts to other people and spending time with them while listening to the 74th remix of “all i want for christmas is you?” i don’t think anyone has bad intentions when they tease me for my dislike of christmas theming or whatever, but it does feel a little suffocating that i’m personally expected to enjoy doing these specific things that just make me feel uncomfortable and like im not myself.

this isn’t to say i try to ruin it for others tho. i always stay silent on my own opinions, trying to help my parents out with their decorations and saying “happy holidays” to my friends and family. i don’t want to intrude on their happiness. it’s just when i’m expected to enjoy the “christmas activities” and shit myself, and when i just don’t, people like to invalidate me as just being edgy or whatever. and like, im not trying to be. its just something that my mind and body don’t like doing on some subconscious level to a point that its engrained into who i am. i’m not sure why. i didn’t ask to turn out like this. but i’m not going to force myself to be someone i’m not if the whole point is to derive happiness from it.

i’ll spend time with the people i love, and give to others, and enjoy the togetherness. those central parts of christmas i’m 100% on board with. i just don’t really get all the extra branding that’s tagged onto it, it’s not really what i’m interested in. to me it just comes off as corny and disingenuous. it’s not who i am.

maybe it comes from the fact that i didn’t grow up in a place with snow. maybe it’s because im not religious. my neurodivergence most definitely has a part in it, not sure how much tho.

i just, dunno, want to give to people and hang out with them without forcing myself to listen music i dont care for, wear clothing i dont care for, hang decorations i dont care for, act all cheery in this ultra specific branded way that i dont really care for. idk.

yeah i’m probably coming off as some sort of entitled dick. i dunno what to do about that. i’ve gone from a distaste toward the holiday to a mere lack of enthusiasm in its eccentricities. i’ve mellowed out on it quite a bit.

what frustrates me in a way is that everyone else’s love of the holiday feels strangely oppressive, like no matter what i do it’s in my face. it’s not their fault or responsibility in any way, it’s a me problem, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

what’s even more frustrating is that it feels like literally no one feels the same way. it’s silly, but i just wish there was someone like me in this way. i haven’t found them yet.

this feels like an “am i the asshole” thing for some reason and i don’t like that.

i guess for now, i’ll keep doing my own thing to the best of my ability while not suppressing the happiness of others. it’s hard but i’m learning. live and let live.

literally listening to kendrick singing “this dick ain’t free!!!” as i type this lmao.

yeah sorry for my whining. if you actually read to the bottom of this i’m impressed

[wee-snek]

Storms We Cannot Weather

A Good Omens found poem, Crowley POV

(citations version)

(see original here)

I used to sit all alone in the dark (Cavanaugh Park: Something Corporate)

You fall….and… (Complicated: Avril Lavigne)

There was no reason. No explanation (Saw You in a Dream: The Japanese House)

I prayed that God would be forgiving (I Dreamed A Dream: Les Miserables)

But… (this could be literally any song)

Do you remember that day when we met? (It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance)

Right from the start (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

I can’t quite explain… (Calling You: Blue October)

But the grace of your eyes can see good in me (Kite: Copeland)

Suddenly...my life doesn’t seem such a waste (Come What May: Moulin Rouge)

Why aren’t you scared of me? Why do you care for me? (Bury a Friend: Billie Eilish)

So I will not ask you where you came from. I will not ask. Neither should you. (Like Real People Do: Hozier)

And then...I fell in love with you… (Calling You: Blue October)

You say that love is not that easy (Hypocrates: MARINA)

Following their rules. Following the path of least resistance. (For a Fool: The Shins)

Bound by suffocating secrets (Gabriel: Valentina)

“This is Heaven, what I truly want” (Gods & Monsters: Lana del Rey)

But they don’t understand who you are (Gold: MARINA)

“How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?” (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

I believe there’s a way you can love me (Love Song: Sara Bareilles)

Listen….we won’t tell anyone (Rifle’s Spiral: The Shins)

They won’t get to us (Straw Dog: Something Corporate)

You might think I’m incapable of loving a soul like yours (Shesgotstyle: Never Shout Never)

Still I say there’s a way for us (On My Own: Les Miserables)

My darling, my sweetheart (Rise to Me: The Decemberists)

You’ve been so lonely in the name of being holy (Buy the Stars: MARINA)

It’s not that the darkness can’t touch our lives (September: The Shins)

Yet there’s still this appeal (Love Will Tear Us Apart: Joy Division)

The hopes of one day… (Rainy Monday: Shiny Toy Guns)

I don’t quite know how to say how I feel (Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol)

All the times I could have…Oh I just want to…. (Island: Coheed & Cambria)

I have loved you for a thousand years (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

I will love you until my dying day (Come What May: Moulin Rouge)

You’re still my favourite (Black and Blue: Chris Garneau)

And I’m willing to break myself (Break Myself: Something Corporate)

Asking if you love me (Calling You: Blue October)

Darling, don’t be afraid (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

We’ve nothing to prove (Simple Song: The Shins)

We don’t need anything, or anyone (Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol)

Is it possible to say….baby, let’s run away (Madi Don’t Leave: PlayRadioPlay!)

We can escape….away from all of this (Straw Dog: Something Corporate)

It’s different this time (Better Son/Daughter: Rilo Kiley)

Just you and I (It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance)

Just our hands clasped so tight (I Will Follow you into the Dark: Death Cab for Cutie)

Just kiss like real people do (Like Real People Do: Hozier)

‘Til all that remains is the arms of an angel (Calamity Song: The Decemberists)

But love comes slow….and it goes so fast. (Let Her Go: Passenger)

Is my timing that flawed? (Love Will Tear Us Apart Again: Joy Division)

Who are you to tell me who to be? (Hypocrates: MARINA)

I don’t want your gold. (Gold: MARINA)

If you don’t know that by now then you don’t know me that well. (Buy the Stars: MARINA)

You played the martyr for so long that you can’t do anything wrong (Hypocrates: MARINA)

Some things never do change (Cavanaugh Park: Something Corporate)

That’s the lesson that you teach me (Hypocrates: MARINA)

In some sad way I already knew (Like Real People Do: Hozier)

I tried to give reasons...a thousand good reasons (All of my Good Friends, Goodbye: Luke Temple)

And in the end we’ll fall apart (It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance)

I’ve done everything I know to try to make you mine (Long Long Time: Linda Ronstadt)

I know that I shouldn’t even try. It’s a waste of time (Saw You in a Dream: Japanese House)

You say you’re leaving? You’re already gone (Break Myself: Something Corporate)

You’ve gone too far. You broke my heart (Gabriel: Valentina)

You forgave. And I won’t forget (I Will Wait: Mumford & Sons)

There are storms we cannot weather. (I Dreamed a Dream: Les Miserables)

And I think I’m going to miss you for a long, long time. (Long Long Time: Linda Ronstadt)

A Thousand Years: Christina Perri

All of my Good Friends, Goodbye: Luke Temple

Better Son/Daughter: Rilo Kiley

Black and Blue: Chris Garneau

Break Myself: Something Corporate

Bury a Friend: Billie Eilish

Buy the Stars: MARINA

Calamity Song: The Decemberists

Calling You: Blue October

Cavanaugh Park: Something Corporate

Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol

Come What May: Moulin Rouge

Complicated: Avril Lavigne

For a Fool: The Shins

Gabriel: Valentina

Gods & Monsters: Lana del Rey

Gold: MARINA

Hypocrates: MARINA

I Dreamed A Dream: Les Miserables

I Will Follow you into the Dark: Death Cab for Cutie

I Will Wait: Mumford & Sons

Island: Coheed & Cambria

It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance

Kite: Copeland

Let Her Go: Passenger

Like Real People Do: Hozier

Long Long Time: Linda Ronstadt

Love Song: Sara Bareilles

Love Will Tear Us Apart: Joy Division

Madi Don’t Leave: PlayRadioPlay!

On My Own: Les Miserables

Rainy Monday: Shiny Toy Guns

Rifle’s Spiral: The Shins

Rise to Me: The Decemberists

Saw You in a Dream: The Japanese House

September: The Shins

Shesgotstyle: Never Shout Never

Simple Song: The Shins

Straw Dog: Something Corporate

[mh073099]

“I’ll Find You” - Captain Rex x Reader Part 1

Lovers to Enemies to Lovers with some spy razzle dazzle AU~ 

Masterlist  Prologue 

Part 1 - Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You 

Warnings: Time Jump: Manipulation: Violence: Death: a hint of Angst: Mothers are their own warning, but yes mommy issues. Have you seen Tangled? Age gap could also be a thing, but I am thinking Rex is in his mid 20s while our is now turned 18 and while there is sexual tension and some touches, this is just the beginning mfs, I am a fan of time jumps. 

Washington D.C., US - 01/01/2067   06:30

It’s cold. So cold I can’t feel my nose and the air hurts my lungs.

Still, I keep running. I look down to see Ace at my side, happy to frolic in the snow and ice. At least one of us is happy. Laps around the Washington monument have become a morning routine the past year. At least I knew about moving to D.C. this time. Over the past three years, I have been dragged all over the world. Trained, tortured and honed into the weapon I was born to be. But I don’t dwell on the past. Learn the lesson and move on. Stop thinking about it.

I finish up my last lap and make my way over to the woman reading a newspaper on a bench. She looks unbothered by the cold in her black peacoat, and no nonsense look on her face. As if the cold knew better then to bother her.

I sit down next to her, and she passes me a coffee.

“Good morning mother.” I say, taking sips of the bitter deliciousness.

She hums in response. We sit in silence for a moment. Ace’s head on my lap looking unbothered by our morning run. I close my eyes and tilt my head back, enjoying the silence.

“I need to make my dinner reservations before it’s too late,” my mother states.

Here we go.

“Do you know what time you’ll be having dinner?” I ask.

“I’m thinking about 07:30 tonight.” She sniffs into the cold. “I’m bringing Mark.”

“A Special friend?” I can’t help the cheek in my voice,  

“A very special friend.” Mother Smirks into her coffee.

“Where will you and this special friend be dining tonight?” I look over at her.

She’s so regal. Poised. Dressed in all black, hair in a slick ponytail. Her Gray eyes are sharp, but the lines around them are soft. The faintest hint of a smile on her face is soft too. She looks over at me, and I feel 15 again. I want to trust her.

Don’t be fooled, I hear her voice in my head.

“Vermillion. I’m craving a steak.”

“And for dessert?”

She looks away before answering. “I don’t think I will have time for dessert.”

Red Flag. No Dessert means no extraction. I’ll have to get away on my own. This isn’t something I’ve done before. There is always an exit strategy.

“Grown-ups don’t always have time for dessert,” is left in the air. So many words between us are left in the air. They suffocate me.

“Dessert is overrated anyway,” I chuckle. Best not to dwell on things that will not change.

“But before I go to dinner, I need to go to the dry cleaners. Pick up 2 orders I’ve placed.”

She means I need to head to the armorer and pick up new gear. New Gear? No Extraction teams?  What’s going on?

“How’s your arm?” She asks, ending the former conversation that has my focus. Instructions were clear. The execution of said instructions are also clear.

“It’s Fine. Little stiff from the cold,” I reply rolling my shoulder. The twinge reminds me of my 18th ‘birthday gift’.

“Next time, maybe you won’t be so clumsy,” she says as she gets up.

Right. Clumsy. That’s what that was.

“I hope you enjoy dinner!” I call out to the women, picking up the newspaper she let on the bench.

“So do I!” She calls back without looking.

She never looks back.

 Washington D.C. – 01/01/2067   19:56

The bar is loud. Pulsing to a beat I don’t care about, with bodies bumping and humping everywhere. The air is sticky with the sugary sent of alcohol and the floor wet with substances I have no interest in discovering.

Perfect.

I move deeper into the bar, losing the long coat, throwing it across a passing chair. I let my hair down and move to the dance floor. I let myself get lost in the bodies, disappear into the heat of the animals I have now become apart of. Swaying and twirling, my hips moving this way and that. The adrenaline pumping through my veins puts a thin veil of sweat over my skin. To any on looker, I’m just a girl cutting loose. And I am, I take a brief second to enjoy myself.

But only for a second. As I move my hips to the deep base line, I twirl and keep watch of my exits. Looking for whoever might follow. I left the scene clean. There were no hiccups, dinner went as planned. But it was always better to stay vigilant. Always assume the worst.  

To blend in, you must believe the story you are selling, yourself. So I do just that. I let it all go. And I dance.

 Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 09:00

I make my way back to my apartment, thinking of my instructions while Ace walks paces in front of me.

‘I need to make dinner reservations before it’s too late.’ – She means I have a new mark with a quick deadline. Planning will be minimal, and location may not be private. Which means possible interference.

‘I’m thinking 07:30’ - obviously, meet the mark at 07:30. The sniff was her sign that this had a small window of opportunity. Less that 10 minutes.

Vermillion was the closest restaurant to the target. That’s where I need to be near before receiving exact coordinates to my mark.

‘Craving steak’ - this meant mark wouldn’t make it out of this dinner alive.

This would be my 5th time killing for the cause. Sleep isn’t as easy as it used to be. This is what I was trained to do. Mother would not accept failure. My shoulder twinged in reminder of the last time I failed.  When your own mother shoots you, because you fail to kill someone things are put into perspective fairly quickly. It was a reminder that I do not live in a perfect world that the republic would like us to believe.

I’m luckier than some. Mother shooting me was a lesson I had to learn, right?

Wrong.

It could be worse.

It could be him.

I resolve myself from my thoughts.

Only through victory are my chains broken. Then I shall be free.

I am breaking chains. That’s all this is.

 Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 21:02

For a little over an hour, I danced by myself and who ever I was around. It wasn’t until I was craving water and heading to the bar that I realized I could feel eyes on me. I looked and my eyes met his.

Handsome was my first thought.

  Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 14:22

After getting to my apartment, I started my prep. My go bag was secured, and Ace was made ready if I needed a quick escape and he had to meet me somewhere. When we made our move to D.C. permanent, I trained him to meet at the monument if he hears a bell, I can play by pressing a button on my cell. Smartest dog I have ever met that one. After showering, cleaning and prepping, I looked around.

I always felt detached when dinner plans were made. I still haven’t gotten used to living alone. The only thing that makes this place home is Ace.

Not wanting to linger, I made my way to the dry cleaners of Elm and Main. A front for a private armory for the cause. Supplied by smugglers and ran by the ugliest women I have ever met. Talzin was mean and cold. But she could fix anything and supply you with everything. It was like magic. Dark magic, really.

Walking in, a young bald woman behind the counter looks up at me with a blank face.

“I have a pickup for 2 orders.” I say nonchalant, picking up a sweet from the bowl on the dusty counter.

“Name?” the woman’s voice is raspy, like she’s smoked 5 packs a day and didn’t know how to quit.

“I hardly think that’s necessary. I frequent this establishment often enough. I’d like to speak with management please.” I huff. My face is straight, by my eyes scream try me.

Her brow narrows. “One moment please,” and she disappears into the back.

I hear the door lock behind me, ultra-aware of the fact that there’s now a man in front of the door. A rather large man in fact. His imposing figure doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. His nickname Savage was earned, my mother had told me. I didn’t ask for details on how. Thankfully, she never gave them. Just one of those things you get used to, I guess.

“Let her through Ventress,” I hear faintly from the back. Then the bald woman with dead eyes appears again, through the currents that lead into the back.

“You may-“She starts, but I was already moving past her, and into a hallway. I reach the end that leads to stairs down into a basement where the voice came from. I keep going until I reach the bottom and come out into the open room. It looks like speak easy, with Dark Maroon walls, and emerald, green flooring. But instead of a bar of alcohol lining the walls, its artillery. Firearms of many shapes and sizes: grenades, blades, rockets and mortars. On the other side of the room, It looks like a tailer. Suits and dresses, made of bulletproof fabric. Shoes with false bottoms and necklaces that record everything. Ignoring the setting, it’s all pretty cool one has to admit.

“Your orders are there on the shelf girl.” Talzin rasps from a desk behind the glass firearm bar. “You have an outfit, two standard Government Issue Glock .19s, a poisoned blade, a dress and a coat with a built-in vest. Invisible to the naked eye. All more than what asset like you deserves.”

“How do you know the dress will fit.” I snark back as I reach for the bags on the counter closest to me.

“It always fits.” She glares at me. Even from afar and sitting down it feels like she is looking down at me. “You also a little something extra in there.”

“For me? Talzin, you shouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t.”

“You’re too sweet. Have a wonderful day you old goat.”

“I hope you die, menace.”

I didn’t linger there either. With a nod out to savage on my way out the door, I head home to get ready.

 Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 21:03

Leaning against the counter further down the bar, He stared at me. I watched his eyes rake over me and watched him watch me do the same. He was tall. Thick thighs covered by black slacks. Strong shoulders and a chest covered by a white button up just trying to hang on for dear life. Clean jaw line, full lips. Dirty blonde curls, and the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.

I pushed the thought away but held my ground and looked him in the eye. Men were easy. Act sweeter than honey, and they land on that flower quick like a bee. I put on the mask of innocent trouble, winked and turned away. I ordered some water, and while waiting to be served, I felt a presence at my back. The warmth sent chills through my body.

“Only one reason a girl dances like that,” is whispered in my ear, the low voice rumbles from his chest. I feel like the bee.

I turn and look up through my lashes. He looks down at me with a small smirk on his lips.

Oh, how I would love to wipe that smirk off those lips.

“And what reason is that?” comes out much softer and more breathless than I meant it to.

“You’re losing yourself, to run away from something,” He lowers his chin to look me more in the eye.

“What are you, a shrink” I deadpan with a raised eyebrow, and make a face.  

His laughter flows from him like oozing lava. “You’re too young to be dancing like that. You have all the opportunities in the world open for you.”

If only you knew.

“Compared to what, old man?” I challenge with a smirk and turn to reach for my water. My comment earns me another chuckle. I relish the sound as I sip from the tiny black straw.

“Ouch. I’m not that old, just old enough.”

“Old enough to be a prude it sounds like.” I stir my straw.

“Never been described as a prude before.”

“Shocking.”

“What’s your name, princess?”

Looking up at his question, I realize he’s gotten incredibly close. Practically caged in at the bar. All my instincts scream at me to get out of this conversation and get the upper hand. The secret voice in my head tells me I don’t want to be anywhere else.

“You think you’ve earned my name?” I cock my head at him.

“I asked nicely, didn’t I?” he cocks his head opposite of me. He’s enjoying this. The smile, the fire in his eyes. He almost looks ready to devour me.

He’s toying with you.

“I didn’t hear a please in there, old man,” earns me another chuckle.

“How about this, we exchange information. That way we both are gaining something from it. I will give you my name, if you’ll give me yours.”

“I don’t know, I kind of liked how princess rolled off your tongue.”

“I’m sure you did.”

Neither of us step down from this stalemate. Our Eyes are locked, and the rest of the bar just falls away for a moment. Dangerous in my unchosen profession. And yet, I could die happy with that warmth staring back at me if that’s what were to happen.

He breaks the tension by stepping back and offers his hand. “I’m Rex.”

“Princess,” I wink while taking his hand. My cheekiness earns me another chuckle. My toes curl at the low sound.

“Ok princess. Would you like to dance?” He asks with a bright smile.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

  Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 19:10

Wearing a black cocktail dress and heels that were provided under the Bulletproof jacket, I sat on a bench outside some steak restraint, and listened to the soft snow fall, with my face up towards the sky.

The calm before the storm.

PING.

I looked down at my phone. One new Notification.

 Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 21:40

Dancing with him felt like playing with fire.

“Rex” softly leaving my lips as he trailed kisses across my shoulder felt like a prayer.

“Princess” being whispered into my ears felt like God decided to answer.

My head said it was time to leave. Forget the man with eyes made of honey, and leave.

My Heart said stay, and so did his hands. He gripped my hips just so and oh-

  Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 19:28

I made my way into the Hotel, retrieving a room key from a pot plant in the corner of a hallway on the second floor.

I made my way to the 6th floor.

Room 612.

I knock.

  Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 21:59

We’ve been dancing so long that my feet start to hurt. I don’t want to stop. His arms around me make me feel safe. The grip of his fingers on my hips, moving them against his to the beat. He’s spun me and twirled me and let his fingers trail across my shoulders and arms, down my sides and just barely over my thighs more times than I can count. I let my hands wander just as much. His chest is broad and firm, solid and sturdy. His hands dwarf mine and consume them. His thighs are large, and oh so delicious. I must keep my thoughts on what I would do on those thighs at bay, lest I get more than I bargained for.

This is for appearances. An alibi. I’m trying to lie to myself that I’m not actually enjoying his warm body moving against mine. When did everything I do, start becoming I lie I have to tell myself?

 Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 19:29

Mark answers the door. He’s expecting a high-end escort and thinks nothing of the glint in my eye.

At least I do look expensive.

The door closes behind us.

  Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 22:01

His lips ghost the shell of my ear and I get goosebumps. I want to feel those lips outside of ghost stories that haunt the edges of my existence.

“Let’s get you something to drink, princess,” he purrs, and grabs my hand. I am helpless and follow.

It’s time for me to go. Stay. I have to be up early. Don’t go. “Another water?” he turns to me as we arrive at the crowded bar.

“Yes please.” I reply. Then think for a second. “How did you know it was water?”

“Princess, you barely look old enough to be in here, let alone drink.” His smile is soft.

“Why are you wasting your time with a child then, hmm?” I challenge with a dip in my brow.

His smile softens, if that were even possible. “You don’t seem like you’ve been a child for a very long time now.” If only I could count how many times I have gotten lost in his eyes tonight. “And I’m not that old.” He adds with a huff.

A giggle escapes me before I can stop it. “How old are you?”

“24. And you?”

“18.” I said squarely. His eyebrows rise.

“Wow, you are young.” He says, his eyes harden a tad bit and I am suddenly filled with insecurity I am not used to.

“And?” comes out my mouth, low and irritated.

“And? And nothing. You’re legal. And besides, we’re just friends.” He pokes the bear. His smirk irritates me more by the second. All that I was feeling has been channeled into annoyance. I can work with this. This can give me the upper hand.

“Oh? Friends, are we?” I challenge back.

“Oh, I hope so.”

  Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 19:30

He asks my name, and I give him a fake. Mark pretends it’s real and gives me his real name. I don’t care though. He’s still going to be Mark to me. Another Lie I have to tell myself.

He turns his back heading to the bar cart.

Sorry Mark.

Walking away almost felt too easy.

  Washington D.C. 01/01/2067 22:03

We stand there, leaning against the bar, just drinking each other in.  Drinks on the counter forgot.

Friends get hurt. I know. Fuck being friends. I know. Can’t even give him my real name. I know. I could drown in those eyes. I know. 

Love at first sight? It doesn’t exist.

At that, I hear myself say “Well Rex, It’s past this princess’s bedtime. See you around?”

With a raised eyebrow and a soft smile, he looks down at me. I detect disappointment and relief simultaneously as his shoulders relax but his jaw clenches. “Ok princess,” is more soothing than it should be. He grabs my hand, and brings it to his lips. 

“How can I find you again?” comes out of my mouth before I can even stop it.  

He chuckles, low and deep, more of a rumble than a chuckle, his fingers softly rubbing against my knuckles as he lowers my hand, still in his.

 “You won’t.” And with that, he lets go, turns and walks away.

And I? I am left reeling from whatever the fuck just happened. A thousand emotions are running through me and i-

PING.

I look at my phone.

One New Text Message from: Mother

Need to talk. Now.

Oh. I knew it was too easy.

----- 

-M.F.

[ihave0hearts4me]

You Cannot Possibly Believe I Can Live in These Conditions

You cannot possibly believe i can live in these conditions 

its hot and humid 

global warming is melting ice caps and releasing deadly mosquito viruses 

or some shit like that 

right now im feeling hot and bothered, 

and not in the good way 

i just wanna rip my shirt off and walk around in a bra 

well, everyone did just walk around in leaves back a few centuries ago, 

hell, women didn’t even cover their tits, 

they just hung freely 

This weather, 

Its suffocate 

I can barely even feel myself walking 

My head hurts, 

I literally feel like im gonna throw up 

I have to get out of this heat, 

Its too much 

I miss winter 

You cannot possibly believe i can live in these conditions 

The winters here are getting worse by the years 

I can practically smell the snow coming towards my “coastal” Heart Of Dixie town 

Im half asleep when my father burst in my room 

Wait what did i hear him say? 

The powers gone out? 

That literally never happens during winter 

It only happens during hurricane season 

This is so bullshit

My mother is always yelling for me to put on all those jackets 

She doesn’t understand that my outfit’ll look chunky if i put all if them on 

We make a fair deal, 

An undershirt, a long sleeve, a cardigan, 

some black pants with shorts underneath, 

and a winter chaleco for good measure 

That seems to satisfy her and myself 

I cant wait for summer, 

Shorts and tees everyday 

No chunky layers 

You cannot possibly believe i can live in these conditions 

Its settled, 

Im dying 

The impending doom that is summer 

Its here back again to kill us all  

It might as well 

Am i going to sound crazy if i say that the literal fucking heat is pissing me off? 

Because just being in it makes me hate everyone im with in the moment 

This human emotion called greed is never satisfied, it always wants something 

Midas doesn’t even compare to us here in 2023,

We want this we need that 

It’s getting so boring in my room 

I feel as tho this isolation is not fixing my problems 

God i cannot wait for school to start and i get to see all my friends and “be myself” 

You cannot possibly believe i can live in these conditions 

Ah yes, another thing ruined by humanity itself again 

Cant even go to fuck school without a bitch worrying she might die, 

And i thought my crushes knowing they’re codename was bad 

Its fine, 

I have a perfectly planned escape route for every classroom, 

But honestly, 

Who the hell thinks to do that kind of shit 

I mean i guess if it was just they’re bullies but, 

Innocent people, 

thats where the fuck i draw the line

And the violence in general in this world 

A man running over people of his own race, 

His own blood basically, 

Those dudes literally looked just like him

I mean, I get a humans thirst for blood, 

For fun, 

For gore, 

For crime, 

For rebelling, 

For attention, 

For vengeance, 

Im human after all, 

And really thats all violence is, 

Its a human quality  

Sometimes i think, 

I think this is all a play 

And we’re just players in a game, 

Just entertainment for a hierarchy to enjoy 

This is just a sick,sick game 

And when our life gets boring or they just want a show with a cliffhanger, 

Thats when it all ends, 

And that when we get reincarnated, 

Its just us getting a cameo in someone elses life 

Life, 

Aha, thats a funny word 

Life, 

Life, 

Life,

Life, 

You cannot possibly believe i can live in these conditions 

These horrible, horrible conditions 

Why i plead, 

Why?