#i need to make plans with my friends so i dont lose contact again

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.

[common-ish]

NSFW warning, I put ** Before and after 🙂, there will be a vote at the end for what I am going to write next.

Shouta 

May, 23, 2076

I was going to Zashis, after finally being talked into it by an old friend. I stepped in and saw him preparing shots. He had graduated college to become an English teacher the day periviouse, and I assumed he was about to go to a party, “Yamada” I blurted out, shaking slightly, trying to talk myself out of this stupid idea. “Yes Sho-chan?” He leaned back of his counter, looking me up and down quiziccly “What are you doing” I was still shaking, and trying not to make eye contact, he didn't answer and instead asked me, “What's going on Shouta?” I sighed and took a shot out of his hand and drank it “I like a boy, and I need help.” It was a cop out response and I knew that much but I needed advice from my friend before I ruined everything. “Oh um, shit” He laughed and looked down, almost affected by it? I pushed that aside. I was too stressed to get my mind off the task at hand “Well Sho, just tell them the worst that can happen is that they say no.” He had dealt with rejection I would assume. I knew he asked Nemire out in High school, and is known as the hookup hero, so maybe he was right, but he doesn't know that I'm talking about him. “The worst is that i lose them for it” I look up at him leaning on his wall “I cant lose them permanently, not over a stupid emotion” He laughed again “Love isn't stupid Sho, just go up to them and say, i like you romantically and if you dont thats ok and if you do i would like to pursue it” He gave me a flash of a smile, a fake smile, yet it gave me enough confidence, “Yamada, i like you roma-” Before i could finish the cheesy line he had gave me, our lips were touching, i didn't even register him moving to me, yet he was kissing me. My eyes were wide looking at his face, feeling his lips, by the time he pulled away he was a blushing mess “Sorry, i wanted to say it first” I looked at him with a clear look of shock “Say what first?” “That i love you” The response was quick, but the gravity of those words was evident as ever, “Kiss me again” I  had my hands at my sides, blushing profusely, yet he obliged. It was calmer, I closed my eyes and leted into his touch. His hair was a bit over shoulder length and fell on my face as we kissed, his lips moved skillfully as we pulled each other closer. When we pulled away, my lips were red and a string of saliva still connected us, we looked at each other for a while until there was a knock at the door “Come in” Hizashi had yelled out and it got me out of my head, he was still holding me but i took a step away. Nem had come in and pulled Hizashi out to go party, he offered to stay but I refused and I walked to my apartment. 

Hizashi

July, 7th, 2076

Everything stayed painstakingly the same, what I mean by that is that the guy I have been in love with since i was 16, loves me back and i've only kissed him once! Well twice technically. I have been busy with my three jobs and unable to plan for us around this. But I am currently drunk out of my mind and it's 11:54 pm, and I'm standing outside of Shouta’s door. I knock and when he opens it I kiss him and push him against the wall inside his apartment. We stay like that for a while, breaths taken in between, he pulls away and cover my mouth and whisper shouts my name, it feels wonderful to hear and i lean against his hands “Zash what are you doing” I mumble something the take a breath and pull back, “I cant keep doing this Sho” He looks at me weird so i speak again “I don't want to rush this, but I love you Sho, i can't keep pretending like i don't, and now that i know that you love me back, I cant keep acting like were just friends.” I grab his hand and lean my face against it “Are you sure?” His question was loaded with doubt and fear. “Yes, more than ever” We kept kissing and watching a movie, I sobered up eventually and we cuddled on the couch. Me and him went on a date the next day and started dating officially August 2nd, 2076.

Hizashi

March 7, 2078

Me and Sho have been dating for well over a year and my life is perfect, were both teachers at UA we have a movie night every thursday and we live together in a small penthouse, it's the life i've always wanted, Nem is a bit pushy to Shouta though, it's about him still being a virgin and she says that we need to do it eventually. I don't mind contrary to popular belief, even Sho thinks I care and it is difficult to explain that I really don't. But has he been more romantic? I guess initiating physically more than normal, but i don't want to rush him at all, i was rushed into it at 16. Therefore I don't push it on anyone, especially not Sho. I close my notebook and get up to see Sho, it's a Thursday afternoon and he just got home from the gas station “Hey baby!” I got up and kissed him, grabbing the bags and sitting them on the counter. “How was work?” He flops on the couch and I walk over to him. “It was good, How was the patrol?” I kissed his forehead. “It was good Sho.” I started playing with his hair. “We're going to that party tonight right?” I ask and he groans heavily and nods, I laugh at his attitude and stand up “You need go get dressed then Sho” I tap his head and walk into the room to get dressed, i put on some black cargo pants and a tight black shirt with a white jacket and my hair braided in twin braids, She just through on some jeans and one of my graphic tees and we were off. I didn't drink and Sho had one cosmo. We basically just babysat Nem. I was driving the motorcycle so I didn't want to drink. Sho got on the back of the motorcycle about an hour into the party, and I said bye to everyone. “Took you long enough” I stepped next to him and laughed. “I'm sorry I have friends.” I took off my jacket and gave it to him, because he was shivering and I hopped on the bike. “Did you drink sho?” “No, well one cosmo but i'm not drunk” I nodded and started driving home. We were driving and he had a bad habit of falling asleep on the bike. I felt his grip losen, and I saw a gas station so I pulled over, he fell off and I laughed at him. “Yamada, it isn't funny.” I wiped a tear from my eyes “Be lucky i pulled over you could have fallen on the road” I laughed more and caught him grinding. I filled up on gas and got him some jelly drinks, and we were on our way. When we got home I took off my jacket and flopped on the couch. “Sleepy?” I nodded and pulled him close to me, we sat like that for a while and then he pulled my head up, “Zash” “Yes Sho?” I open my eyes and look at him, he leans in and starts to kiss me softly. The kiss becomes two then three until we're making out on the sofa. He had never initiated a make out session. 

**

“Wait Sho” I pulled back, I had somehow been pulled on top of him, he let go of my neck and landed on the couch with a sigh “What's that for?” I was confused by his attitude. “If you don't want to have sex with me you can say that Zash” I looked away “" It's not that” he sighed again “Then why do you keep stopping?” “I feel bad Sho, i've been with more people than I even remember, and your a virgin'' He sighed and looked at me with pent up emotion “Well i'm trying to not be a virgin'' I laugh and sigh “I want you to be sure your ready” he nodded “I am Zash'' I look down at him, it's not like i didn't want too, every part of me wanted to. But i didn't get a choice and maybe i'm projecting, my mind was racing so i took a deep breath “Are you sure?” He nodded and blushed and he leaned up closer to me. “I am.” I took another breath, this one a bit shaky and I kissed him. We stayed like that for a while until I picked him up and tossed him on the bed. I grabbed a lube that I had from before me and Sho started dating. “Do you want me to wear a condom?” He shook his head no and grabbed the lube from me “What is this?” “Lubricant” He blushed more and handed it back to me without looking me in the eyes. “Do you want to use it?” I rubbed the back of my neck, i didn't think i would have to ask but then again he didn't know much. “What does it do?” I looked down and laughed “it makes it easier for” I took a pause “Insertion” he was satisfied with that and agreed we could use it, he sat on the bed and i pushed him down and started kissing him. I threw my shirt across the room and grabbed his shirt to pull it off, when we had our shirts off he took a breather and traced lines on my chest, I let out a shuttered breath before kissing him more. We slipped our pants off and I began to tease his body, earing gasps and groans, I began kissing his neck and upper chest, listening to his sounds and his heartbeat. When we were both fully naked we took a breather and he looked down at my body trying not to make eye contact. He blushed heavily as I grabbed the lube and started to trace his hole. He gasped and buckled into my touch. I teased him for a bit before slipping in, he screamed and i stopped half way allowing him to adjust before i went in fully, then once i was i gave him a moment to adjust before moving. I thrusted evenly and calmly in the beginning, getting sloppy and loud quickly. I tried to keep my quirk under control and did a good job for the most part, Shouta was lounder anyway. When I finished he was half asleep and mumbling random things, I went to pull out and he gasped and held me tight.

**

 “Sho i’m not going anywhere” He groaned and held me tight still, i rolled to my side and pulled out receiving a gasp, he curled up closely lightly clawing at my chest. I leaned down to his ear and whispered “Sho are you ok?” He nodded and opened his eyes to look at me “You were so good Sho, your body reacted to me perfectly. Your amazing” He blushed and smiled “Thank you Zash '' He was super tired so i got up and grabbed us each a bottle of water, he chugged his and i cleaned him with a wet washcloth.

Shouta

March, 8th, 2078

I had sex the night previous, for the first time, with the love of my life. It felt amazing the sounds he made were addictive, and I was loud. Like extremely loud it was so embarrassing. He cleaned me after and got me water then cuddled me and told me how good I was, he also did this while he leaned next to me and while moaning would say how good I was, and felt. I've never been more happy in my life, this is what it's supposed to be like. When i woke up i was sore though and couldn't walk, he helped me sit up in bed and made me waffles and fried chicken, it sounded weird but was pretty good. He said it was an American dish, and that made more sense as to why it was weird. He called me out of work and patrol, he called himself out of work and patrol but still had the radio show tonight. This was perfect. 

Hizashi

September, 23, 2078

I was shaking like crazy on my walk home from the radio shack. I picked up the important piece for my plan for tomorrow, Shouta had no idea, but I called us out of everything. I booked a fancy restaurant and set up the perfect wine picnic place next to the ocean covered in plants, who were still green while the trees just started turning colors. It had to be tomorrow, It was perfect. I walked in the door “Honey i'm home!” “Hey Zash” He yelled from the kitchen and I came in to see him making udon for dinner. “Something smells good” I wrapped around his waist and lay my head on his shoulder “Is it me or the udon?” I pretended to sniff him, “definitely the udon.” He elbowed me in the side and I moved back laughing. I sat down as he made our plates, I ate and we talked about our days. He had just got home from patrol and we were about to go to UA, or so he thought. It was about 4am, and my plans started at 10am, at our breakfast dinner. “So I called us out of work today” I said, slurping my udon. “What? Why is this the first I hear about this” I laugh “I planned a surprise” He sighs loudly “Be lucky I love you Yamada” I laugh, he finishes before me and kisses me before heading to the bedroom. I let out a sigh and started to shake again, I grabbed a glass of whiskey and listened to music as I ate to calm my nerves. I walk into the bedroom and head to bed next to him. 

September, 23, 2078

I woke him up at 9:45 and we got dressed. I made him wear something nice. I wore dress pants and a white colored dress shirt with a black sweater over it. My sweater had white and black cat on it and it was Sho’s favorite. We ate at the cafe then walked around the park and a few stores. It was 4pm before we knew it and we headed to the restaurant. We took our seats at the top floor balcony, and I ordered a giant bouquet of roses. They were delivered by the restaurant and I got the steak with california roll sushi and salmon. “So, did I out myself?” Shouta laughed and shook his head “Definitely, how much did this cost?” I laughed and shook my head “The next surprise is worth more than everything else on its own '' I took a sip of my wine as Shouta looked stunned. We laughed and talked like normal but I could tell Shouta was a bit uncomfortable. I grabbed his hand and asked if he wanted to leave earlier. That was the main factor in us going to shops we always went to before this, and why were we alone on the balcony so he wouldn't be too stressed. He said it was ok but I ordered dessert to go anyway, and paid. We arrived at the spot and he saw the ice bucket of wine with the blanket already laid out, his favorite snacks were sitting over there along with desert from the restaurant. I ran up the hill with him and when we reached the top the view was amazing. “Sho, record the view” I turned him to where his back was facing me, and told him to do a complete circle “Be slow Sho” “I know Zash'' I got on my knees and started recording on my phone to catch his reaction I put it in my pocket still facing him and grabbed the ring. I got on one knee and waited. He finally finished the circle “Zash where-'' He glanced down and covered his mouth with a gasp “Yamada” “Shouta” “Stop this can't be re-'' He started to let tears slip and his breath was shaky “Shouta'' He keep shaking his head in disbelief “Aizawa Shouta, i have never loved anyone the way i love you. You are my person, my home my perfect, I would do anything for you, anything to see that smile. I promise to continue to do everything for as long as we live, Shouta, Will you marry me?” There was a slight pause before he said yes, barely above a whisper and fell on me hugging me tight, we both fell on the ground laughing, crying, kissing, hugging, and loving. 

Shouta

September, 23, 2078 

I was woken up at 9:45 and we got dressed. Zash had planned a date, and insisted I wear something nice. I put on new jeans and one of his tee shirts, I also added some bracelets to the look. He took me to our favorite cafe and to various stores, we hung around town til about noon, then went to a park. It was 4pm before we knew it and we headed to the restaurant. He had booked a balcony and it was extremely expensive,and if that wasn't enough he bought me a giant bouquet of flowers. I ordered salmon and dragon sushi rolls. “So, did I out myself?” He asked and I laughed before responding, “Definitely, how much did this cost?” He laughed and shook his head “The next surprise is worth more than everything else on its own” I gasped and looked at him with shock, I could barely gauge how much this was? And there was more! We laughed and talked like normal but I was a bit uncomfortable, from the expensive place and day. He grabbed my hand and asked if I wanted to leave earlier. I said it was ok but he ordered dessert to go anyway, and paid. We arrived at the third spot and I saw the ice bucket of wine with the blanket already laid out. My favorite snacks were sitting over there along with dessert from the restaurant. He  ran up the hill with me and when we reached the top the view was amazing. “Sho, record the view” I nodded and turned to where my  back was facing him, and he  told me to do a complete circle “Be slow Sho” “I know Zash'' I turned and started recording on my phone. When I finally finished the circle, i couldn't see him “Zash where-'' I glanced down and covered my mouth with a gasp “Yamada” “Shouta” “Stop this can't be re-'' I started to let tears slip and my breath was shaky “Shouta'' I was shaking his head in disbelief “Aizawa Shouta, i have never loved anyone the way i love you. You are my person, my home my perfect, I would do anything for you, anything to see that smile. I promise to continue to do everything for as long as we live, Shouta, Will you marry me?” There was a slight pause before I said yes, barely above a whisper and I jumped on him hugging him tight, we both fell on the ground laughing, crying, kissing, hugging, and loving. 

Wedding- Yamada + Aizawa

May 6 2079

The wedding was in a resort next to a river and covered in trees and vegetation. The trees in question were cherry blossom trees, and in full bloom. The wedding had a gold, black and white theme, Sho was in a black suit and Zashwas in a white suit, despite begging to get the black suit. We ended up rock paper scissors over it and Zash lost. None of Shutas family would attend, everyone on his dad's side was dead and everyone on his moms side disowned his mom and him, Zash had his mom, sister, and niece, but no dad. They invited Nem and a few other friends from highschool, and Oboros family.  It was a small wedding but it was perfect, Yamada wanted big wedding decorations so he was the one decorating, while Sho was making sure the budget and food were perfect. The ring bearer was Oboros brother, they stayed in contact with his parents and were invited to family events at times. The flower girl was Yamadas niece, she was 3, because Yoko Yamada had a baby girl at 17. She lived a bit away in an apartment but Yamada tried to be the best uncle, sending her gifts and taking her on uncle niece dates, seeing as her father was about just as good as Yamadas he had to step up to be there.

The reception was calm and very sweet. They had their first dance then Yamada danced with his mom, then Shouta danced with his mother in law. It was perfect and they went to America for a honeymoon, specifically California.

                                      The End 

So!! I hope you enjoyed it and I hope it's good! It's my first time writing NSFW so I know it's not the best. But this is how their life is. I also have head cannons and short stories if you're interested and plan to post those every week or so. I have written a few posts below if you want to check it out. 

         Head Cannons

Yamada is very big on protecting his niece

Aizawa’s mom left her family for his dad who was mentally, physically, and sexually abusive

Yamada cares more about people then himself and was very worried about pushing Shouta because he knows about his past

Shouta has a praise kink

Shouta cant cook but can make drinks very well (Boba, smoothies, Jelly drinks, ect.)

Hizashi has ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety

Shouta has PTSD, ADD, and Anxiety 

Sho is very secretive about his life in the bedroom but is a gay bottom

Hizashi talks to trusted people about stuff in the bedroom but is a pan top

Hizashis mom blamed him for his dad leaving so their not too close

They over work themselves and will only take days off for each other

Shouta tried to end his life 6 days after Oboro died and Hizashi stopped him, afterwards Zash went to a party and lost his virginity due to being super drunk

There first date was a cat cafe

They still celebrate their dating anniversary and their wedding one

Ok that's all for now folks!!!!!

@pistachorlito

@ruethenerd

[bulldagger-bait]

This is probably an unpopular opinion: so, i'll just preface with: Im saying this as a person with disability and chronic illness:

At a certain point its a bit shitty when people keep cancelling plans. I know sometimes health can get in the way of things but when you're ALWAYS reaching out to your friend and they are ALWAYS cancelling on you, it really, really sucks.

I don't cancel plans often. Usually I go through with them, even if I feel like pure death. I will save up all my energy for a day to see my friends. I put in that effort, even if sometimes it causes me to flare. And yeah, I could stand to tone it down a little, but I really dont like cancelling.

Because I've had friends cancel plans on me. a lot. And its usually people im trying to get back into contact with. It sucks to be cancelled on, and even though you know the person isn't doing it maliciously, after a certain amount of times it just starts to feel like they dont actually want to see you.

Of course you need to look after your health and comfort, but I sometimes feel like people can focus too much on prioritising their comfort over their relationships. Relationships are hard work and unfortunately, that sometimes means pushing through exhaustion and pain for someone because you care about them.

Disability and illness can be really isolating. In order to get rid of that loneliness, it means meeting up with people. And adjusting to living with disability and chronic illness means learning to balance those two forces. If you find yourself always cancelling and notice that your friendships are fading, you're not acting in your best interest. You are going to have to be uncomfortable and push yourself. You are going to have to put effort in, or be content with people pulling away because the relationship is becoming one-sided.

It should also just be basic etiquette that if you cancel on someone, it should be your responsibility to reschedule. And you should try not to let the person down again.

Like, I get it. Im sometimes exhausted and in pain and dont feel up to hanging out. I do it anyway. Because its good for the relationship, its good for my mental health, and its good to push your boundaries sometime. Its like exercise a muscle, if you dont push it, you dont get stronger. You dont grow.

It sucks to put in all that work, and get nothing back. It also especially sucks when it feels like your friend gives up on plans at the slightest hint of resistance. If you cancel, maybe try communicating why.

But in general i think that people have become too blasé about this kind of thing. Yes, life gets in the way, but at a certain point you have to stop victimising yourself and realise that youre treating people badly. You're not the only person whos struggling, and you owe it to yourself to try and do something that will make you feel better long-term -- like fulfilling relationships with others -- rather than prioritising short term gains (like getting to rest)

TLDR: cancelling plans sucks, and getting cancelled on sucks too. Remember, its never just one person losing a friend, its always at least two, and thats awful. Dont let yourself fall into the trap of neglecting your relationships. Part of taking care of your wellbeing means taking care of your social health too.

[mmmaruda]

I need to get this of my chest. My parents have had enough of listening to me saying the same shit over and over again.

I feel like nobody talks about this enough. I'm almost an adult yet I haven't experienced being desired by someone romantically. I naver hold hands kissed, texted with someone or even had a crush. I kinda accepted that theres a big chance of me being aromamtic but just because i am aro doesnt mean i want to be. Theres nothing wrong with being aro but I want to know how it feels. How its possible that one person makes someone so happy, I want to feel that. I want to be desired, to have someone that appriciates me and maybe an ego bust. Idk about being in a relationship but someone having a crush on me or smh. To confirm that Im lovable. Of course I'm still young and have plenty time to experience it but I feel like it will never happen. I want to feel wanted, to have someone that cherished me. To have a deeper connection. Maybe the issue lies in me being unlikeable? The last time I had someone I could call my best friend I was in primary school. I have friends, I'm just never their first option. We mostly see each other at school, but when we do go out I just know we don't click. I sit there all day waiting to go home. I feel very often sad and frustrated because of this. I'm not seeking a romantic relationship but a platonic one. Yet I'm still unsuccessful in finding both. People say that you find love when you dont try, it comes naturally. That I need to focus on myself but when I do this I only see my classmates and family so where would it even come from. I have a big problem with meeting new people. I don't know how to do it. For the past 3 years I have been working on myself. Since then I can actually talk to someone without stressing out and crying. I signed up for multiple events in my school just to meet new people and it never happens. I'm so lost, i dont know what to do. In primary school I felt fulfilled because I was around people I genuinely liked. They made me happy, my life didnt revolve around them but they were making my everyday life nicer. Still we werent that close and we lost contact. We dont call, meet, or even write to each other. Some of them met their current partners and just gave up on friends. People prioritising romantic relationships over platonic are shallow and fell victim of patriarchy. It seems like by society our only goal in life is to find a romantic partner, get married and have kids. Even if it's someone lgbt who cant have bio children, people still expect them to find their "other half", because it's "how life works". I feel like I'm never going to love anyone and nobody is going to love me. I have this one closer friend that always has my back just like I have theirs but they're always so busy with other people. It hurts honestly so much. Like half a year ago we went to see spiderverse since and I decided to be bold. I asked them If I could videocall them that night because I had so many thoughts after the movie. But they said that tonight they had already made plans with someone else. There's nothing wrong with it but at that moment it hit me. They're always doing something and I can never make plans with them because of it. I value them more then they value me. I'm not their first choice person. I was also restraining myself from becoming to close/depended on them because in the past being too clingy made me lose friends. So why everyone has someone close and I don't. Why I don't have someone I could do matching bracelets with or pfp. I'm a filler person. I here just because not bc anyone wants me. I want to make more irl friends but I don't know how. I know it's not my personality or looks but something is wrong with me. I think it's because I miss a lot of social clues but idk. I just want friends.

[stinkysam]

Satoru Gojō - Burn the elders

Warning : None

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : "I was wondering if I could request a headcannon of Gojo ending up with an s/o who surprise break through his infinity (maybe they were students together?)?" and "M s/o who is a sorcerer and stronger than Gojo and the higher ups dont like him or the fact Gojo is their lover. Would you be able to do something along the lines of how Gojo would deal/feel about the whole thing??" - @xweirdo101x

Reader : gender neutral (you/yours)

A/N : decided to regroup them since both would've ended very similar (and I feared I'd make you wait another month to make 2 instead of 1). Thank you for waiting, sorry it took so long ;;

You never told him, even after you started dating him, that on top of polishing your own technique, you had worked since the beginning on a way to counter his own.

It was just from stubborness at first, refusing to let him be the strongest, not wanting him to have that title so easily. At that time you couldn’t really call yourselves friends due to such strong competitiveness. But you did start bonding as you both grew up through your hatred toward the higher ups. They’re too old and lazy to think differently.

They thought they couldn’t have it worse until they heard the news about you and Satoru dating. You could see in their eyes how much they hated it, yet they said nothing until only one of you was around them. They will say to your boyfriend they do not want him to lose focus toward his work, or get weaker, just because of your dick. They told you the same thing, not forgetting to point at his old cheating tendencies with his previous partners, earning an unmoved expression and a raised middle finger.

Satoru liked this just as much as you, feeling it fuels your need to grow even stronger to do as pleased without fearing them. Teenagers can hold grudges for a long time out of spite and make it worse once adult.

But the day you managed to surprise break through his infinite wall reanimated your childhood competitiveness. You had grabbed his hand to walk with him and it took your boyfriend a few seconds to realize he was feeling you. Not because he was allowing you to. But because you broke the wall.

Trying to keep his composure with his everyday smile, he tried to reset the infinity wall, but no matter how many times he did it, your hand was still definitely touching his. He turned his head, face tense, to be greeted by your cocky smile and a “Now you definitely can’t slip through my fingers.”

Horror flashed through his eyes before being replaced by something else.

He found it oddly exciting, romantic and scary at the same time. He needed to get stronger again to stop you from doing it, but he also needed you to do it again and again.

He hadn’t realized how lonely he actually felt from constantly being shielded from real touch. Even if he could put the wall down to allow skin to skin contact when needed, he missed not being able to control the closeness of his surroundings.

You’re both training hard to stop the other. Wanting to put the wall back up, and down.

The higher ups really disliked hearing this, but used your success to taunt Gojo, saying he really got distracted by some random dick, that he really needed to listen to them, how weak you were making him. Clearly wanting to break the two of you apart to use you better.

If anything it really comforted you in your idea to put them down as soon as you have the opportunity to replace them with better leaders. Despite not talking much about it to Satoru, you both could tell what the other was thinking and planning, working discreetly to make it reality.

Maybe you’ll be able to make it happen with the new young sorcerers ? That Itadori seems promising, you didn’t need to meet him to think that. You simply trusted your boyfriend.

[sukisdeliveryservice]

hello!! could i kindly request for a student campus crush! wonwoo hehe and you’re best friends and have unrequited feelings but u dont know if he feels the same so over a sleepover u tried confessing and you can continue from there hehe -🐼

let me hear you say | j. ww

✎ pairing: best friend!wonwoo x female reader

✎ genre: collegel!au, friends to lovers!au, mostly fluff

✎ warnings: none!

✎ wc: 2.40 k words

✎ notes: hi 🐼 anon! i got a little carried away with this one because soft, cuddly wonwoo makes my stomach do flips but i hope you like it! i'm not sure how i feel about my portrayal of yn here because i wanted them to be really supportive of wonwoo but kind of having a hard time because of their feelings towards him. i hope i was able to express that without portraying them as kind of eh :/

“Don’t you ever get tired?” You take a quick glance at your best friend as he folds up another piece of paper with a phone number written on it.

“Of what?”

“Of everyone in this school falling head over heels for you,” You say like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, proceeding to look back down at your notes. In reality, you were trying to prevent yourself from looking at the cute (albeit, confused) way your best friend was staring at you over your abrupt question.

“Well I can’t say I’m not flattered, but there aren’t really that many people yn,”

A total lie, you think to yourself. Every time you two walked around campus, your best friend attracted the adoring stares of all your classmates like some hotshot celebrity. Yes, he was popular, and yes, he totally deserved it, but if everyone knew how dorky he was, maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to hand him their number after a single conversation.

Another lie, if everyone knew what a nerd Jeon Wonwoo actually was, they’d probably fall for him harder. You would know of course, first hand experience taught you a lot of things.

It taught you how endearing it was when Wonwoo wore oversized clothing, so that he could pull the sleeves over his palms when sipping on a hot drink at the local campus cafe. It made you realize his habit of pushing his glasses up his nose, because he was too stubborn to get the bridge adjusted. It made your insides melt whenever he was nervous because he had a habit of fiddling with his fingers. You were certain that if anyone was completely head over heels and absolutely smitten by him, it was definitely you.

“Not many people my ass,” you scoffed, “you spoke to her once, just once! And now you are holding her number.” Wonwoo laughs at your poor attempt at hiding your annoyance, “For your information, we were talking about a group project, and exchanging contact information. Nothing more, and nothing less.”

You gave a little huff before going back to pretend-studying, you definitely couldn’t focus when he was sitting right across from you. You knew you were more prone to jumping to conclusions nowadays, and you hoped that Wonwoo didn’t notice your shift in behaviour. In reality, you couldn’t help but feel a little pang of worry whenever your best friend was asked out on another date. And while he rejected the offer every time, you worried that one day he might say yes and you could lose him forever.

Not that you were against Wonwoo falling in love someday. If he found a good person that he wanted to be with for the rest of his life, you would support him in a heartbeat. It was just the selfish feeling that blossomed in your chest that prevented you from feeling any true happiness for these kinds of situations, and you hated it.

You knew that he would never abandon you completely, because Wonwoo was the best friend you could ever ask for. But you also knew that it would kill you inside to see him sweep someone else off their feet.

You’ve known Wonwoo since high school, and you definitely harboured a puppy crush on him all of first year. This was back when he was still trading pokemon cards in the gym stairwell and poking at you to buy him something from the milk vending machine. The crush went away eventually and you found yourself enjoying the rest of your high school career with your closest confidant by your side.

Once you both entered university, Wonwoo had a sudden growth spurt that now put him a total head taller than you. He no longer lurked at the stairwells during lunch and instead made lots of new friends that he went out for coffee with. He started dressing nicer, and once he exchanged his old glasses for a pair of round silver ones that rested on his nose so perfectly, he instantly transformed into someone straight out of a kdrama.

Now, you have caught feelings again. And you’re scared to admit that this time a puppy crush doesn’t even encapsulate everything you’ve been feeling lately. Of course Wonwoo’s sudden change in appearance didn’t spark anything new in your feelings towards him. It was the fact that he had a new air around him that was just completely different.

Wonwoo in high school was shy, and you loved him for who he was. You two had your own small circle of friends and you would spend all your time reading or playing games in his bedroom. Wonwoo in college however, was breaking out of his shell and being the first to approach people and make new friends. He was still introverted of course, shyness and introvertedness were two different things after all. But you were proud to see Wonwoo take the initiative to make plans more often and reach out.

Wonwoo has also gotten a lot more comfortable around you. He’s grown fond of resting his head on your shoulder after a long day of classes, and wrapping you in his sweaters whenever you came by his flat. In conclusion, everything about university student Wonwoo, was driving you, (and probably the entire campus) crazy.

“Hello? yn? Don’t you have a class soon?”

You swat away the hand that was waving in front of your face to meet the eyes of the cause of all your heart troubles. One smile from Wonwoo and you were in shambles. You had it really, really bad. “Right, right, sorry I was just...distracted.”

“We’re still on for tonight right? You can just head straight to my dorm after your last class.”

“Of course Won, did you really think I was going to miss out on another rewatch of Extraordinary You?”

“Of course not,” Wonwoo chuckled. You were met with another one of those soft gazes from him, and you immediately tried to break your stare. Something in your heart tells you that you should just confess right now, and that Wonwoo was a sensible individual who wouldn’t let go of your friendship if he didn’t feel the same way.

“Hey Won, can I tell you something after class later?”

“Of course.” There was that smile again. If you weren’t so busy trying to slow your heart rate down, you would have caught the way his eyes brightened at hearing your question, and the way he looked down to twindle with his fingers.

You give Wonwoo your own smile before heading off to your last detour of the day.

Sleepovers with Wonwoo always consisted of a mountain of blankets, a never ending pile of snacks and a show to watch before eventually both of you fell asleep. When you arrived at his flat just as he was adding the finishing touches to a home cooked dinner, you realized that sleepovers with Wonwoo also consisted of another thing: Your tragic inability to keep your heart rate down.

“Dinner will be ready in a bit, you can just wash up and get changed for now,” Wonwoo turns to greet you before adding some pepper to the tteokbokki.

You nod and head over to his bathroom, where you already find your change of clothes resting on the counter. Any outsider would have been under the impression that you and Wonwoo lived together, considering that pieces of you were scattered all over his apartment. From the matching toothbrushes that were kept by the sink, to the drawer reserved only for your clothes in his bedroom.

The only reason that you and Wonwoo didn’t room together upon entering university, was the fact that your parents were wary of you rooming with a boy you weren’t even dating. Not that it mattered now, considering that you at least spent two nights at his place away from your own dorm.

After you showered and changed into your pajamas, you realized that Wonwoo had given you one of his sweaters to wear, instead of the usual shirts you slept in. Usually you would have raided his bedroom after dinner to steal one (you slept much better when you wore his clothing) but this time it appeared that he had taken the initiative for you.

Once you stepped out of the bathroom, you saw that Wonwoo was already sitting at the dining table and was on his phone. It looked like he was texting someone, and you felt your heart sink a little when he laughed at a message. No, you are not going to be jealous. You are going to be happy for your friend because he deserves all the happiness in the world.

“Is that the girl from your group project?” You sat down across from him and started piling the tteokbokki and rice onto your plate. “Yeah, she said that the professor just sent out a mass email to our class, saying that we were going to be given an extension. Turns out that email was meant for another course, but everyone is already celebrating the new deadline.”

Wonwoo shuts off his phone and turns to you, “Was there something you wanted to tell me today?”

Right. You were going to confess your feelings. It was now or never, and you weren’t sure if you could hold it in much longer. “I can just tell you after dinner, I’m starving.”

Tragic. Tragic. Tragic. Why couldn’t you just say the words, “Hey Won, I have feelings for you, do you feel the same way?” Must you be in a spiraling paradox of questioning the presence of unrequited love in the relationship you had with your best friend? Yes, most definitely yes. Since the world likes to make everything difficult for those in love.

Dinner was eaten in a comfortable silence for the most part. You liked that you never felt the need to fill the air with more conversation whenever you were with Wonwoo. There were days where you would just sit in each other’s presence and do your own thing, and those days left you with lots of time to ponder on your feelings for him. Tonight was the night that you were going to say these feelings aloud for the first time...you just needed a bit more time to procrastinate.

After you both finished your food, you relocated yourselves to the couch. You fidgeted with the end of your (his) sweater while Wonwoo searched for the show on Netflix. You figured that you would let him know in the morning, since there was a chance that you two would fall asleep before the episode ended. And you didn’t want to confess beforehand either, in fear of having to endure a brutal one hour of awkward tension if he didn’t feel the same way.

“Who would have thought that out of all the days the wifi could have chosen to bail on us, they chose the day where we were going to find out whether Haru belonged to Dan-oh’s story or not,” Wonwoo fiddles with the remote some more, while you panic in silence at the thought of spending the night with no distractions from your feelings.

“It’s not like we don’t already know how it ends,” You take deep quiet breaths to calm yourself down, you can definitely make it through the night, “We can just do other things.”

“What do you have in mind?”

You couldn’t answer him right away. The only thing you had on your mind was the fact that Wonwoo’s hand was now resting on your knee and that it was baffling how good he could look in pajamas. Wonwoo, sensing your inability to form words nervously glanced up at you before moving the conversation in a different direction, “Look, I know you had something to tell me today yn, but I realized that I wanted to share something with you too. I am in love-”

“I am in love with you Jeon Wonwoo!”

There. You blurted out a long-awaited confession before the anticipation consumed you whole. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from your hands in fear of seeing the look on Wonwoo’s face.

“Let me hear you say it again.”

“What?” You turn to Wonwoo, who no longer looked nervous. Instead, he wore the biggest shit-eating grin on his face that made you want to both kiss and strangle him. “Say it again.”

“Not when you look like you just won the lottery you nerd, you didn’t even say-”

“I am in love with you too yn.”

Well, you were never one to complain about the fact that your feelings were returned. But the way Wonwoo was cooing at your adorable expression of shock only made you want to shove him off the couch.

Which you proceeded to do.

“Hey! Aren’t you happy that I like you too?”

“Of course I’m happy! You didn’t have to try to beat me to my confession though, tonight was going to be my night!”

“You didn’t seem like you were going to say anything for the rest of the evening! You were going to wait until the next day weren’t you?”

Absolutely yes. “No!”

Any remaining tension in the atmosphere washed away as you and Wonwoo made fun of each other on the living room floor. You were beyond relieved and a little giddy that your best friend in the whole wide world saw you in the way that you saw him.

“But on a more serious note Won, were you also going to confess tonight too?”

“Actually no, but once you came out of the washroom wearing my sweater, I just had to say it before I tackled you with cuddles or something.”

“You gave me your sweater instead of my clothes to wear!”

“I know!” Wonwoo was holding your hand now and rubbing circles into your palm. The idea of cuddling the entire night didn’t sound so bad. “But you looked all nervous and shy and I was hoping that you were going to be the one to say something first.”

“Can we just agree that we confessed at the same time?” As the adrenaline from the confession began to slip away you suddenly became very tired, and you were hoping to just spend the night in the arms of your favourite person.

“Deal. So can we cuddle now?”

[joyaphoria]

the five chances you give him (5)

pairing: suna x f!reader

note: this is the last chapter! i hope you all enjoyed :)

summary: suna knew that he was doing something wrong, but he refused to acknowledge it. therefore, you slowly dropped five major hints for him, hoping that he would notice them and take action to fix your broken relationship. suna really did notice them, he just didn’t figure out in time that you were actually going to leave.

series masterlist | directory

© 𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢

part five: rin became rintaro; then it became suna

"oh baby... nobody said that it was going to be easy." mei cooed, her voice softer than usual. she repeatedly kissed the top of your head as you cried into her lap.

"i k-know but.." you spoke through your sobs, snot along your sleeves. "i-i really hoped t-that he would ch-change.."

it's been just over two months since you've started changing your behaviour around rin, but he didn't seem to react to it—no, he may have changed, but only a bit. it wasn't enough.

you knew that this was unavoidable, and that it had to be done. the longer it takes for you to get this over with, the longer it will take for you to get over it.

so when mei sent you home that night, she reassured you that it will all be worth it in the end, and that you will find someone better.

but the fact that he was waiting for you at the same table that you used to wait at, every single night, didn't help at all.

"where were you?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

you stood there for a second with your shoes still on, and folded over with laughter.

his heart flutters. whens the last time you laughed in front of him?

"sorry," you sniffled through the laughter, the aftermath from crying earlier doing you no justice. "it's just that i used to sit in that same chair, waiting for you to come home, you know?"

hesitating for a moment, he decided on getting up and walking over to you, although he didn't know what to do.

"y/n." he's looking down at you now, resisting the urge to reach out and take hold of your hands.

"rintarou."

now that caught both of you off guard.

it slipped out without a second thought on your end, and you were visibly shocked.

as was suna, except he was more afraid than anything else. he knew what this meant—he was no longer rin to you, but rintarou.

he should be grateful though, because he knew what eventually might come next. he knew that it wouldn't be rintarou for long, and that as soon as it changes, it would be over; everything would be over.

"were you crying?" he whispers, reaching out to wipe at your tear stained cheeks. except you wouldn't let him, grabbing his wrist in time. God—mei would be so proud; as would that kind lady from the cafe.

"why should you care?" you spat, letting go of his wrist to remove your shoes.

"because im your boyfriend." he said, although you didn't miss the quiver in his voice from that last word, as if he wasn't so sure anymore.

you move past him and head straight for the bathroom; but suna didn't miss it. he heard what you mumbled on your way out—and it had him slumped against the wall (when you were out of sight, that is)

his fists are clenched and his heart is beating a little too fast, but he can't get his mind off of what you said.

"yea, well not for long"

five words, and yet they seemed to foreshadow his future.

-

there were two possible reasons that you could be waking him up at 10 in the morning.

you were either waking him up to tell him that it was over, and that you were leaving, or that it was over, and that he had to leave.

turns out there was a third reason.

"do you have practice today?" you asked, your voice a whisper.

"yeah.. why?" he got up into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. its been a while since you last entered this room, moving all your things to the guest room.

"oh. nevermind." you make a gesture to leave but he panics and grabs your arm. this could be an opportunity, and he wasn't about to lose it.

"i could um.. take the day off." he nods his head.

"are you sure?" when he nods his head yet again, your features soften.

"okay, well get dressed. i feel like going to a theme park."

you leave the room before he has a chance to answer, but he complies anyways.

his mind wanders to the picture that he broke in the heat of the moment awhile back—the one where you were both smiling at an amusement park, kids laughing in the bakground.

-

"let's go on that one!" you exclaim, pointing at the rollercoaster.

a soft grin takes over your face—and while it may not be your typical energetic one, at least it was still there.

now, suna wasn't a big fan of rollercoasters. he prefered to have you go on them, while he took the photos, but today's been the first time in a while that he's actually seen you happy, and he wanted to keep it that way.

you've been here all day, and it was already pretty dark, so they might be closing soon anyways.

when the cart had finally come back around, you and rin got on, with a guy slipping in on your side.

"you guys here together?" he asked, looking over you to make eye contact with suna.

you nodded, and he chuckled.

"im here with my girlfriend, but she doesn't like roller coasters as much as i do."

now you and him are making small talk, and suna is resisting the urge to tell the guy to shut up, and to go back to his own girlfriend.

when the ride finally starts, he feels relieved, even slipping his hand into your own.

your hand tenses, and he looks up to find a look of guilt soaked into your features.

he quickly unravels his hand from yours, settling it into his lap and looking away. he got too carried away to remember that a day of rides and fun wasnt enough to fix his mistakes.

as the ride starts climbing upwards, fear pumps through his veins.

he shuts his eyes, dreading the fall.

when it finally came, he opened his eyes and hugged himself to keep from screaming.

he looks over to you, and his heart does that thing again—it flutters.

with your hands in the air, your screams adorning his ears, he fell in love. all over again.

the moonlight caressed your pretty features as your eyes shut in pure bliss, and suna found tears falling out of his own.

the tears fell but he didn't sob—not once. you didn't look his way either—not once.

instead he looked away, quickly wiping the tears before someone could catch him. he missed this; he missed you.

when you two got off the ride later, he wonders if you would ever go to another theme park with him.

-

when you decide to leave, suna finds an employee walking around the park with a polaroid camera.

he asks him to take a picture of you, and places it in his wallet. he can't break it this time.

suna misses the look of guilt that slips past your face, as if it were never there.

-

when the car pulls into the parking lot, and you both get out, suna realizes that you weren't walking beside him.

he panics and turns around, where he finds you smiling. tears in your eyes.

"thank you for today, suna."

he freezes. he can't move anymore. he can't think.

"don't be silly. let's go inside." he's walking again, but when he doesn't hear a second set of footsteps, the tears wash over him.

"why aren't you coming?" his voice cracks as the tears stream down his face.

"i'm going to mei's. it's-it's over." you smile, wiping continuously at your eyes.

"y/n please, we can talk about this." he's running over to you, taking hold of your shoulders as he bends down to make eye contact. "we're fixable, okay? i promise we are." he doesn't make move to wipe away the tears that are falling.

you wipe away his tears, pulling him into a hug. "i'm so sorry."

he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight, afraid of having you slip out of his grasp. "please, don't leave me. i'll do anything, just give me another chance. i need you."

you wriggle out of his arms, and his fists clench at his sides.

"i gave you chances. i gave you too many. i have to go."

you're running now, and he can't decide if he should run after you or not. has he not caused you enough pain?

instead, he falls to his knees and cries.

that was it. he lost you—he lost everything.

the polaroid picture was burning a hole through his wallet.

-

when he finally musters up the courage to check the guest room a few days later, he sees all your things packed up in boxes.

you had it all planned out, didn't you?

-

when mei comes later that day to pick up your things, she finds suna curled into a ball on the guest room floor.

"suna. wake up."

his eyes open slowly, and she finds them red, his eyebags puffy and cheeks tear-stained.

"is y/n gonna come back?" he asks, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

mei shakes her head, and suna cries again.

she looks away, thanking the heavens that she wasn't in a relationship. she couldn't help but pity him as she collected her best friend's things, suna's sobs as a sort of background noise.

she couldn't be surprised—the lost of your entire world was enough to make any grown man cry.

-

heartbreak isn’t easy, but suna’s heart hurts without you. where he sleeps, where he bathes, it all reeks of your touch.

you’re everywhere here, all memories playing back to him like a movie. he’s reminded of you, and recovering addicts don’t test themselves; they dont stay around said addiction to see if they can restrain themselves.

and so suna moves out, running from the place that you’ve drenched in your presence.

he leaves the polaroid picture on the table.

[corpsedaydream]

Hi! I dont know if you write this, but can i request for angsty-fluff imagine for corpse? Maybe when you’re jealous? Thank u❤️ love ur writings

u ask for jealousy and angst, and i said hell fucking yeah

hope u enjoy! 

word count: 1.6k

_________________________

it’s fine

Corpse was ever so charismatic. It was something about him that was impossible to deny. Even when he would get misjudged by people, thinking he may be this intimidating presence purely because of how he dressed and sounded, it would only take a few exchanges of sentences between him and a stranger for them to instantly change their mind and feel drawn to him, instead. You knew this better than anyone, after all, it had been one of the factors in what had made you fall for him so hard and so fast.

The only issue was that, sometimes, he could have the same effect on others and, sometimes, when you caught someone else clearly having some heart eyes for your man, that brought forth the little green monster inside of you. He was magnetic, and as happy as you were that the world was so intrigued by him and he was having all the success he deserved, you couldn’t deny that there was a part of you that wished that magnetic pull only worked on you.

It seemed there were certain days when Corpse managed to turn on this charismatic side of him even more so. Today had happened to be one of those days. It was good, because it was a day the two of you had planned to spend together. But when you went out to lunch and the server definitely let her hand rest on his arm a little too long and said things a little too flirtatious and hardly acknowledged your presence, you started to lose that good feeling.

You didn’t say anything about it, even though you kind of wished he would have figured that him giving the girl a back and forth was encouraging her more and upsetting you further. But you were determined to have a good day with your boyfriend, you didn’t want to start any drama with him.

He asked you if you were okay on the way back to his place, noticing you were being quiet. You told him you were and left it at that, even if you did want to say more.

Finally, in the safety of his home that was like a bubble in which was just for the two of you, you were feeling better. Quality time was your love language and his was physical touch, something you could both give each other with ease when there was no outside interruption. Between the little talks, the exploration of hands over each other, the giggles that turned into wiping tears of laughter from your face and shared kisses, you swore you could spend the rest of your life like this and be happy.

And then the bubble burst.

“Ah, shit, (Y/N).” He began, and the mood between you instantly changed.

“What?”

“They need a tenth player right now and no one else can get online.” He had promised that today was about you. And usually, you would be completely okay with him going and joining in on the streams, often you loved sitting by him and watching him get so invested in the games. Except lately, you’d been feeling at an arms length from him and you hated it. You wanted his undivided attention today.

“And?” You were being short with him, you wanted him to know you weren’t okay with this right now.

“It’ll just be a few games...”

You let out a huff and turned your head to the side, looking away from him. You were being stubborn. You didn’t want to tell him what to do, you wanted him to figure it out on his own, that you didn’t want him to play and wanted him to stay right here in this moment with you.

“You can come sit with me?” He spoke again as you remained silent, seemed as if he wasn’t figuring it out.

“Just go play. It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine.

-

Sitting on your own now, you felt bare without your limbs being all tangled with his beneath the blanket like they were earlier. You had tried to turn on the television to watch something, but everything on just seemed to annoy you.

With a sigh, you pressed your hands to your knees and stood up, walking towards Corpses gaming room. At first, you were going to walk in, giving in to the want that was craving to be by his side, but upon hearing a number of female voices, that jealousy appeared inside you again and you walked away.

It was slightly irrational, you knew these people were his friends, but today had really gotten to you.

At an attempt to distract yourself, you opened up Tik Tok, but all your for you page seemed to be was more girls wanting your boyfriend.

“Fucking hell.” You said out loud, closing the app and opening up Twitter next. But you should’ve known it would’ve been worse on there, Corpse seemed to be trending every day on that app, you told yourself you really should have known better for that one.

However, the next social media app click was deliberate. You knew that Corpse had been reposting stories of people using his song and you decided on treating yourself to some more sweet torture. And sure enough, his story was filled with more girls. Firing that jealousy and insecurity you had been feeling today even more.

“Fuck this.” You announced, standing to your feet and feeling tears of frustration build in your eyes.

Once you had finished gathering your belongings, you were just about to make an exit when that crazy thing of timing pulled a fast one on you as Corpse emerged from his gaming room.

“What are you doing?” He questioned you, spotting your hand gripping the handle on his front door.

Seeing him should’ve made you feel better, but it only caused more tears to well up, so you quickly looked away from him.

“I’m going home.”

“What-no, why?” He came closer to you then and you turned more towards the door.

“Because you obviously don’t want me here.”

“What the fuck? (Y/N), of course I do. What are you even saying right now?” He was by your side now, grabbing your hand from the handle and holding it in his. His other went up to cup your cheek, tilting your head up to face him and that’s when he saw the glaze of tears in your eyes. “Hey, baby,” Worry sparked up in him. “You’re upset...” He stated the obvious and you shook your head out of his grip, directing your vision to the ground.

You thought he might create some distance between you both when you did that, but instead, he did the opposite. He pulled you into a tight hug, one arm wrapping snugly around your waist and his other hand resting on the back of your head to encourage you against him.

“Don’t, I’m going.” You spoke, but your words were meek, you didn’t actually want to leave and he knew that.

“No. You’re not.” He argued back, his arms pulling you in even closer. “I want you here.” He told you and that’s what made you snap.

“No you don’t!” Your voice got louder, matching the movements of you bracing your arms against him and pushing him back, breaking the human contact. He was in shock, watching you with cautious eyes. “If you did, you would’ve spent time with me and only me today. You wouldn’t have left me alone!” You became more emotional as you spoke, a few tears managing to spill onto your cheeks.

“Baby-”

“No!” You cut him off. “Don’t ‘baby’ me right now.” You took a moment to wipe under your eyes before continuing because you knew this next admission would cause you some more tears. “You know how hard it is to compete it with every other girl who’s all about you right now? They’re everywhere, and they’re all so fucking beautiful. I know you see them, I’m not them, Corpse.” Your voice broke into a sob as his name left your lips and he felt his heart break to see you in that state.

He wasn’t sure if you still needed space, but he couldn’t stand in front of you while you cried and not do anything. So instead, he once again brought his arms around you, but this time he scooped you up, encouraging your legs to hook over his hips so he could carry you.

You continued to cry against his neck as he walked the both of you to his room and when he placed you down onto his bed, he was instantly beside you, cradling you against him.

“I need you to listen me,” He began once you had started to calm down, he wanted to make sure you paid attention. “You are so important to me. So fucking important to me, (Y/N).” His eyes were boring into yours and he brought his hand up to wipe the wetness from your cheeks before continuing. “I don’t want you to be anyone else.” He was speaking with force, but it wasn’t aggressive, he was wanting to make sure that you really understood the depth to his words.

“It’s just, everyone seems to want you and I’m just-”

“Don’t you dare put yourself down.” Corpse cut you off before you could finish. For a moment, he pressed his lips to your forehead before moving his face back so he could look at you again. “I only want you. You’re it for me, baby.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“With my whole fucking heart.”

“I love you, I really love you.” You told him, your emotions were still running high, but you were feeling a whole lot better.

“I love you, too.”

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get  the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice? 

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other. 

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D 

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC? 

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round? 

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment? 

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u 

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and  buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him 

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4? 

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though- 

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships? 

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove? 

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends? 

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^  Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love. 

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :] 

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end... 

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck 

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him? 

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!! 

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game? 

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance? 

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games! 

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3 

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021 

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it! 

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game? 

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running? 

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch? 

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS? 

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower. 

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥) 

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1 

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing) 

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

[primalsouls]

white rabbit pt 4

langa hasegawa x gn! reader (pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3)

anon: will white rabbit have a part 4? ( if yes pls pls give them a happy ending hehe ) but its oki if you dont want to, no pressure! i just really enjoyed it and i love ur writing btw :)

⚠️ : im terrible at picking up what's a trigger, so let me know is there's anything uncomfortable!

theme: general

note: ooh my heart 💔 rip white rabbit 🐇🙏🕊 anyway, here's pt 4! :> i hope you like it and enjoy it! and thank you for reading! let me know what you think. :) i really like this chapter the most lol

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

"Leave... Wonderland?"

"Forever?"

Reki and Langa stared at Adam with frowns on their face. Eyes widen at the words. Whispers surrounded them quick, destroying the small silence that gave the words to settle in for everyone. Blue eyes looked back at the [h/c]-haired skater. Their head still hanged low but he could see the sheer rage their fists held.

"He's saying that... [Y/N] [L/N], the White Rabbit, is leaving S." Miya repeated.

"Forever. Meaning.... They're kicked out." Shadow sighed, shaking his head.

Hearing those words, [Y/N] gritted their teeth and unclenched their fists. They looked up at Adam, a pleading expression on their face as they pulled their hoodie back.

"P-please... I don't wanna leave." They said, voice cracked in the beginning. Langa's heart broke at the sight. But before he could do anything, Adam walked up to them. "I'll do anything, please. Let me stay!" They continued but they flinched when their board was taken away from them harshly by Adam.

"A bet is a bet. Besides, it's about time S gets rid of its pests." Adam grinned. He snapped his finger, a couple of men bringing in a can of gasoline and a box of matches. Their eyes widen. Langa and the rest of his friends stood frozen, unable to believe the scene before them. Silence took over the crowd. [Y/N] knew they couldn't do anything to stop Adam from destroying their skateboard. "You should have won and this wouldn't happen. Remember, it's your fault." He said quietly. And with sheer power, he lifted the board and broke it in half with his knee. [Y/N] stared at him with wide eyes and mouth gaped slightly in shock. Tears pooled up and streamed down their cheeks one by one, one after the other.

"N-no... please, don't..." They whispered, a hand reaching out weakly but it didn't move much. [Y/N] was too shock to move any more than an inch.

Adam threw the broken board on the ground. He was handed the gasoline and the box of matches. He poured the liquid over the pieces, his masked eyes never leaving his younger sibling's face. Their look of terror filled him with chills. He loved it. Such as he loved the finish touch to the punishment. With elegance, Adam pulled out a match and stroke it on the igniter side of the box. Fire bursts on the matchstick. Adam flicked it onto the broken board like it was nothing and within seconds, flames burst to life, consuming the skateboard.

Langa watched with horror. [Y/N] didn't deserve that. They didn't deserve to leave. A bet wasn't even established. So, why? Why was this happening? His eyes went up to [Y/N].

"White Rabbit-"

"They're no longer go by that title." Adam interrupted coldly. "By losing this beef, no only are they banned from S, their title is no longer theirs to claim. White Rabbit is dead." Langa's eyes widen as his frown deepened. He couldn't believe it. This was not supposed to happen. Not supposed to lead to this results. No one supposed to be kick out or strip from their title. Adam reached a hand out. Langa saw how tensed [Y/N] got as the hand grew closer to them. The gloved fingers gently held into the S pin. It was on their collar of their hoodie but the next second, it wad ripped off from them. He threw it into the flames.

"I... I'm sorry..." [Y/N] apologized. Langa didn't understand. There was nothing to apologize for. Was it for Adam? For losing the race and everything they built for themselves? [Y/N] kept staring at the board, not noticing Adam turned his back on them. But his last words lef them in breaking in pieces.

"And don't bother coming home. A wild animal like you don't belong there. Never had and never will." As his final saying, Adam picked up his board and walked away but stopped to face Langa with a smirk. "Oh, and once again, my dear SNOW, congratulations." Langa blinked, watching Adam disappeared from everyone's sight.

"Damn..." Shadow muttered.

"Vanished from S... what a turn of events." Miya commented quietly.

Reki frowned at Adam's disappearing figure before he turned to Langa and [Y/N]. Everyone else slowly departed. Reki walked up to the two skaters, the broken board still caught in flames. Tears continued to spill from their eyes, Reki saw. Before the two could say any sort of comfort words to them, [Y/N] turned away from them and ran, ran as fast as they could. Away. They needed to get away and breathe. They couldn't breathe properly. Their chest was killing them. Sobs caught in their throat when they tried to cry. It hurts them. Their heart hurts. Everything was always their fault. They deserved. They believed they deserved it. They weren't a Shindo. They were a pest in the family. That was why Adam-no-Ainosuke told them not to come home. He was kicking them out. He was probably make up a lie to their aunts to make it seem it was their decision. For the better of the Shindo Family, they would say.

Life truly wasn't fair.

"C'mon, let's go!" Langa said, getting ready to chase after them but Reki grabbed his arm, pulling him back. He winced, the grip on his arm reminded him of the injuries he received during the race. "Wha- what? We have to go after them, Reki." He said, pointing towards [Y/N] running off.

"But you'll hurt even more with injuries like this. Besides, it's not our business. What happened with them was between them and Adam." Reki said. Miya nodded as he walked up to them.

"He's right, Langa. We should stay out of it. They're no longer of importance." Miya added in, crossing his arms over his chest. Langa frowned at the two boys.

"It's probably not the best time to even go after them. It's best that we mind our own business for now." Shadow advised, the other two boys giving affirmative responses. Langa tried to come up with reasons to go after them, but Reki shook his head and led Langa awau from the factory, pointing out the cuts once again. That was the last time Langa saw [Y/N].

The past couple of weeks, they were no were in sight. No familiar white hoodie resembling a white rabbit was found around S. No one spoke about them. It was like they never existed in the first place. As if S never heard of a skater called White Rabbit. Langa tried to find ways to get into contact with them but whenever he mentioned them, he was ignored, shut down, avoided. He was worried for them, for their safety. If Adam truly meant his words, then where would [Y/N] be? Langa wanted to make sure they were okay. That was all he wanted to know.

"[Y/N]... where are you?" Langa muttered as he walked through the park. He was planning to meet Reki at their usual hangout. Although, he wanted to clear his mind out of [Y/N] and the events that occurred. It wasn't their fault. It was his. If he never beef against them, Langa would had still see them every night at S, even from a fair distance to admire them. They would still be in his life, somehow.

"Ah, sorry..." A tired voice said. Langa looked down, not realizing he bumped into someone. He did felt something hit him as he walked, but he didn't pay too much attention. Langa opened his mouth to apologize instead but words were caught in his throat. His eyes widen. He couldn't believe it. The board in his hand dropped to the ground beside him, both hands reaching up a bit.

"It's you..." Langa whispered. Confusion replaced the apologic gaze on their face. "White Rabbit." When the title left his lips, it was their turn for their eyes to grew wide. Langa smiled brightly. "It's you, White Rabbit. [Y/N]." Langa was happy. He found his white rabbit once more. But no more words left Langa's lips as a hand slapped his cheek. It took him a second to register the outcome. A shaky hand of his reached to touch the burning cheek. He flinched when his fingers came into contact. "Wh-what?" A handprint appeared as a light red shade on his cheek. His eyes focused on them. They didn't wore their signature hoodie. Only a black one with dark blue jeans and white Vans shoes. Their eyes were still the same crimson color but filled with anger. And sadness? Langa parted his lips, unable to say anything.

"Don't call me that name. Because of you, I'm no longer.... that..." [Y/N] spat out, glaring dangerously at Langa. "You took everything away from me. You ruined my life!" They yelled, all the feelings they tried to bottle in exploded. Langa watched with a shook expression as they ranted off on him. He may be dense to others' emotions but he could pick up the hurt in [Y/N]'s voice. The way they trembled with rage. He didn't like that. Langa didn't like seeing them upset. Especially when hd was the one who caused it.

"I'm sorry."

[Y/N] paused, staring at Langa with wide eyes. Their frown grew deeper as they tried to find any sort of pity or joke in his baby blue eyes. In which they felt like they were looking at the ocean. So blue. Like the sky. [Y/N] shook their head rapidly, gritting their teeth.

"Oh, shut up. I don't need your pity. And I doubt you're sorry! Because of you, not only was I kicked out of S, I was kicked out of my home... Not like it ever felt like home anyway..." They said, mumbling the last words but Langa caught them.

"Wait? Home... Where were you staying at?" Langa asked, voice filled with concern. [Y/N] scrunched their nose, eyes narrowed. "I swear, I'm not pitying you. I'm actually... worried. I've been worried for a long time now. Ever since you left S." Langa said, looking away from them, sudden feeling timid for no particular reason. They raised a brow, watching Langa's movements to fact-check his worries. There was no hint of him lying. But they still kept their guard up. "I even asked around back in S for the past few weeks. Not one single person said anything...It's like you-"

"-never existed." They continued for him softly, eyes casted down to the ground. Their features relaxed but Langa noted the sadness stayed. No anger in sight. They sighed tiredly, running a hand through their hair. "Doesn't matter... Just stop it." [Y/N] crossed their arns over their chest, raising a brow. "Beside, the hell you kept asking about me? Aren't you happy I've been kicked?"

Langa shook his head right away once the question next their lips.

"No. I'm not happy. In fact, I..." Langa took a deep breath, trying to think on his words before they left his mouth. "I'm not enjoying myself." He mumbled, making [Y/N] take a step closer to hear him properly. They tilted their head, lips tugged down a bit as they urged him to repeat himself and keep going. "It makes me sad not to see you at S anymore. I didn't want any of that to happen. I didn't even know what was going on." Langa shrugged, looking at them with a pout. A pout they found adorable. He looked like a kicked puppy who didn't like the fact their owner left their home everyday. [Y/N] mentally cringed at the thought. What were they thinking? This was the same guy who went up against their brother and banned them from S. They hated him. They were supposed to hate him. [Y/N] clicked their tongue, throwing Langa off the sense, wondering if he said anything wrong. A faint red hue decorated their cheeks. They turned their back on him, hugging themselves.

"Whatever. Whether you knew what was going on or not, doesn't matter. My board got destroyed and I can't go back to S. Everything happened..." [Y/N] whispered, arms slowly fell back to their sides as they watched the sun beginning to settle down for the rest of the day. "I've got nothing... I've got no one-"

"You got me." Langa butt in. The words made them do a double take on him. It caught them off guard. And Langa continued to surprise them. A determined glint in his eyes as he stepped closer. "Reki can build you a new board and we can all skate. Together. We can skate outside of S, anyway. It'll be fun!" Langa bounced a bit in his steps, smiling brightly. "We can hang out together. And if you don't have a job, you can work with Reki and me. You even move in wi-"

"Stop..."

"We can go to school togeth-"

"Stop it."

"You got us! So, you don't have to wor-"

"Shut up!"

Langa blinked, taken back by the sudden outburst from [Y/N]. He focused back on them, confused why they told him to quiet down. Their brows knitted down, hands clutched by their side. The sunset shoned behind them. The soft breeze brushed against their figure out. And if Langa squinted, he could had notice their faint blush reddened slightly. They looked cute. He wanted to see them blush again.

"Just... why are you doing this?" They asked, their eyes looking anywhere but Langa. They were shy. They found it unbelievable but it happened. They were shy.

Langa stared at them for a moment, making [Y/N] nervous.

"Because I like you."

Those words froze [Y/N] on the spot. Their eyes widen, lips parted slightly. The words ran through their mind like an echo. Langa's charmed smile implanted with it.

"And I want to be your friend."

Impossible.

"That's..." [Y/N]'s face was burning up. Cheeks redder they matched their eyes. "That's stupid." They blurted out quickly, taking a step back. Langa frowned a bit, not unexpecting that sort of answer to his confession. A confession they weren't sure if they were happy about or sadden by it.

"No one wants to be my friend. No one likes me... That's what they always told me." [Y/N] took another step back, brows knitted down but not in anger but in sorrow. Every step they took back, Langa takes one forward. "I'm unlovable... I don't... deserve it." The young former skater shook their head, as if snapping into reality. Tears welled up on their eyes. "You don't like me. You don't. You don't, you don't, you don't, you don't," They repeated quietly, hugging themselves as the tears rolled down their cheeks. Langa panicked. He didn't wanted to upset them. What they said made him wonder who told them such statements. They trembled and he didn't know what to do.

Except for one thing. And he hoped he don't get slap doing so.

Arms wrapped around their frame, a hand on their head as the other rest on their lower back. The hand stroke their head as the other ran their back in a circular form. Langa closed his eyes, hugging [Y/N] closed to him.

"Shh... shh... It's okay, [Y/N]..." He whispered. "Whoever told you those things, they... they don't know what they're talking about." Langa took a deep breath. "But I'm telling the truth. And you do deserve it." He pulled away a bit, cupping their face with his hands and made them looked at him. "I like you. I like you very much. And even though I want to be more, I do want to be your friend." Langa smiled genuinely, blue eyes staring into red ones. "So, please... let me be your friend."

[Y/N] stared at Langa, stunned in his embrace. The blush darkened as Langa continued. They couldn't believe it. Their heart pounded little by little with every word Langa spoke. The hands on their face felt nice. The comfort hug was something they never experienced. They only got hurt by the hands of those who dared say they loved them. But, for whatever reason, they trusted Langa's words.

"Please... don't hurt me..."

[the-marauders-enthusiast]

I’ve Fallen in Love With My Best Friend - James P. x Reader

Pairing: James Potter x Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Summary: There’s an Amortentia lesson in Potions one day, and y/n feels confident that her best friend and crush, James Potter, didn’t like her back, as he has his heart reserved for Lily Evans. James also believes he’s in love with Lily, but things change when he smells someone else in the Amortentia. 

-

Walking into Professor Slughorn's class, you noticed the other students were perked up, excited for the lesson. You sat down, confused, until you saw the potion on Slughorn's desk, which you immediately noticed was Amortentia. Like your other classmates, you also felt eager for the lesson to start.

Suddenly you heard some people stumble into the room, instantly recognizing  them as your best friends, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. You smiled at James, seeing him scan his eyes around the room to find you. You waved your hand, calling him over to sit next to you. He grinned and walked over to the desk, sitting in the seat. "Good morning y/n!" he greeted kindly. He then looked around the classroom, his face morphing to a confused look when he noticed the buzzing excitement in the room. "Why is everyone so chipper today?" he asked. You then pointed at the potion on Slughorn's desk, "I'm guessing we're doing a lesson on Amortentia today." He was about to ask was Amortentia was, but was interrupted when Slughorn started talking.

"Good morning class, today we will be learning about Amortentia! Now, does anyone know what that is?" He questioned. You raised your hand quickly, and smiled when he called on you. "Amortentia is known as the world's most powerful love potion, and smells different to each person, as it's supposed to smell like whatever you love most."

"Perfect Ms. y/l/n! 10 points to y/h." you grinned proudly. You then heard Sirius' voice behind you, "Well I don't think prongs needs to smell it, we all know what it's gonna be!" He teased, James saying a lighthearted "shut up!" in return.

You knew what Sirius was talking about, of course. It was common knowledge that James was head over heels for Lily Evans, how could he not? In your eyes, she was everything that you wanted to be. Lily was gorgeous, popular, but most of all, she had James' attention. You've been in love with James about the same amount of time hes been in love with lily, and it hurt. It hurt being in love with someone who was so painfully obviously in love with someone else. Suddenly you weren't as excited for the lesson as you were before, as you weren't exactly thrilled to hear James talk about Lily's scent in the potion.

Slughorn started to call people up to smell the potion, and you waited your turn, watching them quickly walk to the desk when their name was called.

"Ms. y/l/n?" You snapped your head up. Everyone's eyes were suddenly on you, although the only ones that mattered were the hazel ones staring next to you. You started to get nervous, walking to the potion on the desk. Once there, you smelled the mixture.

broomstick polish, cologne, and freshly cut grass.

You rolled your eyes smiling, you had very clearly smelt one James Fleamont Potter. what a shocker, you thought. You gave a quick thanks to Professor Slughorn and sat back down, too embarrassed to share what you smelt with the class.

a few people went after you, and then James was called up. He smiled as the other marauders teased him. He confidently walked to the potion, grinning widely. Looking very sure of himself, he swiftly smelt the Amortentia. Then he suddenly had a puzzled expression on his face, quickly shifting to a frown. You started to feel worried as he nodded at Slughorn and quickly walked back to his seat. You instantly turned to him, "James are you okay?". His eyes widened dramatically, "What? oh yeah, I'm fine.", he replied quickly, avoiding your eyes. You frowned and turned back to the class.

When the lesson ended he practically ran out of the room, the other pranksters following quickly, looking ready for an interrogation. You just stared at the seat he was just sitting at, wondering what could have happened for him to act like that.

-

After that potions lesson, James had started avoiding you. Hed constantly make sure he didn't run into you, avoid your eye contact, sit far away from you at all times, and practically pretend you didn't exist. Any time you tried to talk to him, he would just brush you off, giving some lame excuse. It was as if the two of you had never been friends.

- "Hey James, do you wanna go to Hogsmeade this weekend with the others?"

"Sorry, I need to catch up on homework."

- " James! Wanna go to the library together after class?"

"I already have plans, sorry y/n."

- "Hey wanna go to the Quidditch pitch and practice?"

"Uh sorry y/n, maybe another time."

After a couple weeks of the neglect, your concern and confusion had turned into anger. What had you done to make him avoid you? And why couldn't he just talk to you about it? At this point, you had gotten fed up. You were walking to the Great Hall for dinner, and saw your friends about to walk in. Before a certain stag could enter, you grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to face you.

"Oi! What are you- y/n!" He had a panicked expression, not expecting you to be the one who pulled him back. You made sure the other marauders were gone before dragging James to an empty corridor.

"What's your problem!" he asked exasperatedly, which made you scowl angrily.

"My problem?! You're the problem you idiot!"

He frowned, about to defend himself but you stopped him before he could.

"You've been avoiding me like the plague for weeks!"

"No I have-"

"Don't even try to deny it! I thought we were friends James."

"We are friends!"

"Then why have you been pretending like i dont exist!?" You shouted, feeling all of your anger bubble to the surface. James raised his eyebrows, shocked at the anger in your voice. you felt tears start to brim your eyes, "...is it me? Did i do something wrong?" Your voice had lowered, filled with fear, and you felt a tear roll down your face.

His gaze softened, "No, y/n, its not you", He said reassuringly. You felt more tears fall onto your cheeks.

"It just feels like I'm losing you James." You looked down at your feet. He lifted your chin to make you look up at him. "You could never lose me, y/n", he said with a pained expression.

Your brows threaded together, "Then whats wrong? Why haven't you been talking to me?"

He's silent for a few moments before finally finding the words.

"...I was scared", He whispered.

You frowned, "Of what?"

"My feelings. I've been so confused-"

"James i don't understand-"

"Please, just let me explain", he said nervously. You nodded, letting him continue.

"..For so long.. I thought it was Lily. I thought she was the one for me. I've been chasing after her for so long.. I was so sure that she was it for me. And then that Amortentia lesson happened. I was so confident it would smell like her.. but it didnt", he looked down and twiddled his thumbs, "It was you."

Your eyes widened, "James-"

"Just listen. I smelled you in the Amortentia. And for days after I was so confused about my feelings - feelings for Lily and for you. But the more I thought about it the more it made sense, and i started realizing how i truly feel. I used Lily as a distraction from the one person I actually loved, because I didn't know how to deal with those feelings. Because the truth is, I didn't know how to deal with the fact that I had fallen in love with my best friend... I love you y/n. It's always been you." He wore a pained expression, "And im so, so sorry i didnt realize it sooner."

You stared at him in surprise, well that's definitley not what I thought he was gonna say.

He grew worried at your silence, "Please say something." He pleaded, which seemed to pull you out of your stupor.

"Broomstick polish, cologne, and freshly cut grass", you stated.

He squinted in confusion, "What?"

"That's what I smelled in the Amortentia.. It smelled like you." He opened his mouth in surprise and you continued, "I love you James. I've loved you for so long, and I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear you say you feel the same way."

James' face brightened, and he pulled you into a bone crushing hug. When he pulled away from it, you noticed how close his face had gotten to yours, and it seemed james did too. He slowly moved his hand to grasp the side of your face, body moving closer as he placed his other hand on your waist.

"Can i kiss you?" He whispered.

You nodded, feeling heat rising up your neck and closing your eyes in anticipation. You felt his face inch closer, and he softy placed his lips on yours. Your hands immediately threaded through his dark curls, and you kiss him harder. You feel him pushing you back against the wall, the hand on your cheek moving down to your collarbone.

The kiss started to get a little more heated, but then you hear a voice across the corridor, causing you and James to separate and look toward the source of the noise.

"Ah! So dinner and a show!" Sirius laughed, Remus and Peter chuckling next to him.

"Oi, shove off" James says, smiling at them.

"But seriously, we're glad to see you too catching up again." Remus added.

"Thank you guys", you say fondly.

You look back at James, "I'm glad too.” you grinned at him softly before looking back at the group, “Alright can we go to the Great Hall now, I'm starving."

Sirius chuckles, "I didn't think you'd be hungry after eating eachother's faces off"

"Shove it padfoot."

[shamylicious-blog]

omg guys woaah ok ok ok..iam beaten ! whats with you :D??! ok iam telling.puuh so um this is going to be long..so i hope you will enjoy :D sorry for my english first y know its not my first language. xD i do my best..ok lets START So my husband and I met when we were both 17 (2007). we got to know each other through a socail network called schülervz it was very popular in germany back in my schooldays. We were both members of a group there and really talked every day from that point onwards, without exceptions. into our group of friends also included someone I met through this group. a girl who has become my best friend all these years. the 3 of us were really inseparable, even if it was only over the internet. that didn’t matter. we were totally honest with each other.  a bond that was 100% trust based. we talked together for hours every day. my husband was a trainee at the time and i graduated in economics and administration. We’d never met until the day we got together. our friendship lasted from 2007 to 2009 june. we were really good friends.just friends. I could tell him when I was interested in someone he could do the same. everything was great. best friends forever you could say. then there was a point in our lives where everything has changed all of a sudden.

one day he called me during the break and said that there was a girl at his work who asked him for a date. From that moment onwards everything went haywire for me. I got very nervous. although he talked to me about girls earlier and everything was totally normal. but that day nothing was normal anymore. i actually got angry..and yes i was jealous and i dont even know exactly why. He told me his story and I asked quite normally, because I’m a damn good friend, who she is and what she is like and if he needs help … (how stupid to offer help with something like that :)) well he just said that hell think about it and that he can do it all byhimself he just wanted me to know. we hung up and my whole day was covered by dark clouds. but we talked normally as usual. A few days passed and I knew that he was still in contact with her. After all, they work together. I couldn’t get rid of the thought that he would one day have a girlfriend. I got really sad. totally normal when people get together. But somehow I don’t like it at all. I didn’t get jealous because someone might be there, I got jealous because i still didn’t have the opportunity to see him for real. everyone else around him could really see him, but I couldn’t and that really messed me up at the time. he lived over 300km away from me. and for us it was a lot of stretch back then. we couldn’t just meet and hang out like others did. 

well at some point i realized that i couldn’t get him out of my head. I fell in love (wow very unexpected) but i still acted like a normal good friend .. because he had someone else to talk to. 

a few weeks passed and we didn’t talk as often as before .. everything changed suddenly and I couldn’t do anything about my broken heart. and I did something really stupid and started talking to someone else. He was from my school at the time and at first it was just normal conversations and then I noticed that he was more interested in me and I just played along because I thought that maybe I could forget him like this. i met with this boy. I also got along very well with him, he was really very nice .. at least at the beginning. One evening my (husband) called me and we talked normally. I also told him that I started meeting someone and he was quite astonished because up until then we hadn’t had the opportunity to talk very often. he was very suspicious. He kept asking me  something like ‘what’s his name how old. is he nice to you, give me his number, i want to talk to him etc. ’ very overprotective but that’s his way. no matter who it is. of course I didn’t allow him to talk to him. after all, its not his business. he himself has someone so why panic. He was then very offended and just said I should be careful and abruptly hung up. (back then I just thought idiot) well it passed about 3 weeks after this talk. i was still in some kind of relationship with this other boy..I say sort of because i couldn’t really warm up myself even though i liked him a lot .. and at this moment where I really wanted to try harder to like him more .. he came and said that he was going to break up. he had found someone who suits him better. i was really at the end ..

 a few days later i got up and my (husband) called me he just wanted to talk after 3 weeks without having spoken a word. he just wanted to talk. I was so mad at him. I cried on the phone and asked him what the problem of men is and whether everyone is so stupid. he himself was totally scared and wanted to know what was happening and I told everything and he got very, very damn angry but he couldn’t do much. and I was exhausted. I just think that I had to cry once. he tried to comfort me but how much comfort is there over the phone. Then suddenly it became quiet and all at once he cried out and said. ’ I’m coming to you.’I thought I wasn’t listening properly. he said that it is finally time that we meet and hang out .. I was totally speechless but totally happy to finally see my best friend for real. we chatted and then planned when and where we could meet. we have agreed that we will meet at my school on the weekend.

2 days left. it got so nervous and the most surprising thing was that it was snowing like crazy on that day … It was in the middle of March and it was snowing heavily. I was totally sad and didn’t know if he would make it with the car .. Such a damn long way and then also snow I panicked. accidents can happen. but he called me constantly during the drive to keep me up to date. In the afternoon I went to school of course everything was quiet (weekend) he called again and said that he would be there in 5 minutes. I couldn’t keep my nerves bare. what should i do ?? a good friend and just hang out together or say what’s on my mind ?? before I could think to the end I saw how he drove around the corner and parked in the school parking lot. my legs wouldn’t go. he got out and he had already seen me from afar and he just grinned with joy. I couldn’t help but grin like a goofy I went up to him and we just said hello, no hugging, nothing (he is to gentlemen xD without permission he wouldn’t lift a finger) but just to see his face in real life was totally enough for me. we decided for a little walk i just showed him my school. and after 2 hours of chatting we arrived at his car and i knew that he would have to leave soon. a long way after all. we just stood there and I didn’t want him to leave without really talking. At the moment when I wanted to say something he started to talk and he apologized for the time he was not with me where I could have needed him. I was totally surprised and started to feel my tears. he was totally confused and tried to calm me down and wiped my tears away (the moment he touched me for the first time, he was also shocked by his behavior could see it and he tried to apologize for touching me) I couldn’t take it anymore, I burst and practically explode. I took my courage together and shouted ‘I LOVE YOU, YOU İDİOT!' 

when i was aware of what i had done i blushed like a tomato .. and i was so mad at myself 'why did you do that he has somebody did you lose your mind what now?’ I couldn’t look at him he himself seemed to be in shock because I hadn’t heard nothing from him.. a few moments later I only heard a sob. when i looked up i actually saw him start crying..I was totally confused. what’s going on now ?! did I miss something. when I wanted to say something he stopped me and yelled back in my face: 'why !? why did you say this?! you spoiled everything! I had to be the one who made this confession first? !! your timing is really bad! damned!’ did I hear correctly he wanted to say it first? so he loves me too ?! I couldn’t tell how happy or sad I was at that moment .. And to be honest, I didn’t have the strength for anything either. I could have just lay in the snow and fell asleep. after a few minutes of silence he was caught and I just stared. he looked at me with a grin this time and then he confessed. every word, i remember everything he said 

‘You know, the day this girl asked me out on a date, you were the one who shot me right in the head. I didn’t know why , but I felt like I was doing you wrong. even if we had never seen each other in real life, I knew that you are everything to me .. even if it’s only as a good friend. and that evening I canceled this girl … the days after that when I wasn’t so talkative with you, was the time when i had to think about everything. maybe i hurt you with it but i just needed the time. and then when we talk again and I wanted to tell you everything you said that you met someone. I thought I wasn’t hearing right I was so angry and disappointed about myself that I just hung up and didn’t want to hear anything more from you..but somehow it didn’t work.I immediately missed your funny , sweet voice. I wanted to call again and apologize . but my hand didn’t want to. the time passed and when we could still talk. I couldn’t help myself anymore, I finally had to see you. from that moment i knew that it could only be you .i couldn’t help but want you. the thought that you would marry someone and that I would be invited as your 'best friend’ … to see you with someone else that would be my end. I had to act quickly and finally meet you. and you are here now and you stood there even though I wanted to do it first … you are really nasty. ’ he just grinned .. and I couldn’t help but laugh along I really wanted to hear it .and told him to say it .. when he stood there and looked at me, he asked me ’miss nasty ..i love you so much..do you want to be my everything?’ I couldn’t help myself and I was wrapped around his neck and we hugged each other so tightly that I hardly got air but it didn’t matter .I was so happy I just cried and so did he … well after that we took our time .. we got to know each other better i finished my school he finished his education our parents got to know each other and in april 2014 we got engaged and got married in the same year at the beginning of november and now we are happy with ourselves and our daughter. 

so thats it here you have it :D it may seem very normal ,cliche, but it was everything to me back than the struggle was real friends..and i treasure every single moment with him..

see ya :)

[failed-apple]

tw sui, vent about suicidal friend

my friend who lives on the other side of the country is having a really bad depressive episode and says their gonna commit sui i dont know what to do im terrible at talking to people especially comforting people and they dont wanna talk about i either but like i feel like i need to do something

they've threatened sui multiple times before but i feel like they're actually serious this time she said shes written a note and has a plan and they also already sent a message about it to their teacher who she trusts as well as tried contacting a chrisis line but apparently the line was too long so they hang up. i dont wanna lose them idk what to do

i have their mums contact info but i feel like if i tell her mum 1 it wont help and 2 shes never gonna forgive me cause her mums a bit abusive and has downplayed their symptoms a LOT so she probably wouldn't even take me seriously if i did text her.

but also i know what theyre going through and i get wanting to not talk or get help when it gets like that and the worst thing is that i have no idea what could help. idk what helps me so how could i help her. idk whats gotten me through wanting to commit, im still kinda there. yes its better for me rn cause i know i have something to look forward to (getting out of a shitty situation in like four months) but i know they dont really have anything to look forward to. theyre stuck in that shitty situation (thats much worse than mine) and cant leave for at least a year probably longer, so its not like i can say that it gets better cause idk if it will.

and also theyre not in therapy and dont really have any friends where they live so i feel like im the only person who can make them feel better or rethink this but i cant. i know ive said i dont wanna be a sui hotline but if i somehow could convince them not to do it id talk to them for hours on end about it but i cant and they dont wanna hear it

plus i thought they had gotten better and now theyre back to this again and it just makes me so sad.

also this feels selfish but idk if im gonna be able to continue if they die

[cluster-fandom]

Not the day for this

Atsumu, Oikawa, and Noya prank their S/O on a bad day

Warnings: Swearing, food/eating || hospital mention, knife mention, stitches mention, and getting a cut in Noya’s (nothing descriptive just the words themselves)

A/N: This is my first time writing for multiple characters! I enjoyed this a lot 

I was heavily inspired by @kybabi​ !! Go check them out if you haven’t before :)

Atsumu

• Today was not your day at all

• You had failed a test and got in an argument with your best friend

• So all you really wanted to do was come home to your boyfriend and relax

• Unfortunately Atsumu was not aware of how your day had been going

• You both liked to poke fun at each other and this time Atsumu had planned what he thought was an amazing prank

• He couldn’t wait for you to get home

You were driving home from university to your shared apartment with Atsumu. Between the frustration of scoring low a test you had studied so hard for and getting into a dumb fight with one of your best friends, you were ready to snap. The heat didn’t help anything either. At the very least you got to come home to Atsumu. The thought of being wrapped up in your boyfriends arms had kept you from lashing out at anyone that came in contact with you.

You two had been together for over a year and while he could be insufferable at times, you adored him. He was always making you laugh through his ridiculousness, and you were the same. But your favorite memories were when he looked at you with that lopsided grin and said that he loved you.

As you walked up to your front door you noticed it was slightly open.

‘Did Atsumu forget to close the door?’ You briefly wonder before going inside where it was cool.

“Ats-OH MY GOD!”

You were drenched in ice water and the bucket that had been sitting on the door clanked to the floor.

“HEY BABE I THOUGHT YOU COULD USE SOME COOLING OFF!” Atsumu grinned, finding his prank hilarious.

“FUCKING HELL ATSUMU THIS WAS NOT WHAT I NEEDED TODAY!” You yell as you shake your arms of water.

You shove past him towards the bathroom where you could get a towel and hairdryer.

“Wait wait wait! It was just a joke I’m sorry!” He’s fumbling over his words in confusion.

He follows you into the bathroom where you were shoving things out of the way to get your hairdryer out of the cabinet.

“Babe- I’m sorry I didn’t know you’d be mad!” He whines.

You ignore him as you try to (unsuccessfully) untangle the cord of your hairdryer.

“God-dammit-“ you mumble as you only end up getting it more tangled.

“Do you want me to hel-“

“NO ATSUMU IVE GOT IT!” You snap at him.

“Why are you so mad?” He’s genuinely confused. You’ve never been this mad at a prank before?? And this wasn’t even the worst one he’s done-

“I DONT KNOW MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM DRENCHED AND FREEZING FUCKING COLD? JUST- LEAVE ME ALONE RIGHT NOW!” You’re just done with everything and Atsumu can clearly tell he’s not making anything better at the moment so he retreats to the living room.

After you’ve dried your hair and changed into some dry clothes you went to you and Atsumu’s shared bedroom.

You were scrolling on your phone when there was a knock at the door.

Atsumu cautiously stepped into the room.

“Y/N, can we talk?”

You sighed and set your phone aside.

When you nodded, Atsumu sat on the bed in front of you.

“I’m sorry I upset you. The prank wasn’t funny,” he looked at you with guilty eyes.

“I’m not mad about the prank. I’ve just had a really bad day and it all piled up and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have yelled, I’m sorry.”

You explained the events of your day and how you had wanted some quality time with him, and instead you had gotten an ice bath.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I never wanted to make you feel so bad. Let me make it up to you?” He pleaded. He gave you his biggest puppy dog eyes. (🥺)

Your heart melted and of course you said yes.

He perked up immediately, rushing out of the room. He came back with an armful of snacks and settled in next to you. He switched on your favorite movie and pulled you onto his lap.

“I love you so, so much baby,” he whispered into your hair. He leaned down to press a kiss into your cheek.

“And I love you,” you whispered back.

Oikawa

• You knew that with dating Oikawa, people would be jealous

• But his fangirls could get really bad sometimes

• Today they had been following you around saying how you weren’t pretty enough, smart enough for him

• It had gotten to you a little bit

• So you were ready to be home with your boyfriend away from others eyes

• Oikawa had no clue of this though and had devised, in his mind, a brilliant prank to get a rise out of you once you got home

You were finally home to your apartment with Oikawa. He had been on his phone when you walked in and greeted you with his signature grin. After a tight hug, he said he needed to go grab something in the bedroom.

You settled down on the couch letting your body relax on the plush cushions.

*bzzt bzzt*

You looked to see that Oikawa had left his phone behind. You were about to go back to resting, until you registered the name of the sender.

You bolted upright and grabbed the phone, hoping you had read it wrong.

#1 Fangirl 😉

You and Oikawa had been together for a year and you trusted him with your entire being. But seeing that name made fear pool in your stomach.

You didn’t dare to unlock his phone, despite knowing his password, for fear of what you might find.

Your thoughts were running a mile a minute as you entered your bedroom where Oikawa was in the closet.

Was there someone else? He wouldn’t do that to you right? He seemed so happy with you. He had never said he wasn’t satisfied with anything at all. Nothing had changed recently, so was something going on the whole time? Were his fangirls right?

That last question scared you the most.

“Love?” You called out.

Oikawa had a devilish smirk on his face. He knew that you would have seen the texts by now. He had come up with the prank a few days ago and was excited for you to get smart with him and call out the obvious.

“Yes?” He called back, not looking to you.

“Who’s number one fangirl?” You said, voice shaking. You didn’t know when your vision had started going blurry.

At the sound of your shaky voice, your boyfriend whipped around, eyes wide.

“Oh Angel, it’s nobody, it was all a prank I swear,” he pulled you to his chest, “I asked Iwa-Chan to help me, that’s who’s actually sending the texts.”

“S-so you’re not cheating on me?” You hiccup slightly and Oikawa’s heart aches he wipes away a stray tear. He mentally slaps himself for making you insecure.

“Never. I would never leave you for some other girl who just wants me for my looks. You love me for who I am and I am so, so grateful to have you,” he holds you tighter to him.

Once you’ve collected yourself, you tell him about all the things that had been said to you and how it had made you doubt if you were good enough for him. He quietly listened to you talk, holding you the entire time until you were finished.

He gently lifted your face up to meet his eyes. You noticed how his jaw was clenched and his lips were pressed in a thin line.

“Y/N. I am so sorry that those people made you feel unworthy. I promise, you are more than I could have ever asked for. They won’t bother you again ok?” His voice was low, but still as gentle as ever. His eyes softened as he looked at you. He let his muscles relax and gave you a small smile.

Your heart felt full as you nodded.

“Okay, now why don’t we go to the couch and cuddle for a while. Let me show you how much I love you,” he gave your forehead a light kiss.

You smiled up at him.

“I love you Tōru.”

“I love you more, Angel.”

Nishinoya

• You were one inconvenience away from exploding

• You worked the customer service center at your malls department store (it hadn’t been your first choice but you needed money) and you had already had to deal with two Karens this morning

• The second one actually made your manager come down, who wasn’t happy about that

• So now you were at risk of losing your job

• Thankfully though you finally got to go on your lunch break

• You were excited because your boyfriend had time to spend it with you today

• You needed the pick me up and Noya’s naturally energetic personality never failed to do so

• Unfortunately, Nishinoya decided that today was the perfect day to execute his genius prank

You growled in annoyance as your keys got momentarily stuck in the lock to your apartment.

You had been yelled at three times today already. By two entitled middle aged women who wouldn’t listen to you no matter how many times you gave an explanation to them, and then by your manager who told you off for making him get involved with your “nonsense.”

You had been hanging on to your last shred of self control to not start screaming at your boss.

But you were home now and were more than ready to have a nice lunch with your boyfriend.

“Y/N! YOU’RE HOME!” You stumbled back as you were tackled in a hug.

“I made you lunch!” Noya grinned as he released you from his hold.

You giggled as he grabbed your hand to lead you to the kitchen.

Now, you loved Noya, but his cooking was, well, not edible sometimes. But he seemed to have gone pretty safe this time around.

There were two bowls of ramen with bread rolls on the side.

“Looks like someone was busy,” you tease. He rolls his eyes and motions for you to eat.

You were listening to Noya talk about his morning while you ate.

“And then I-“

“AH! HOT! HOT! HOT!” You were panting. The noodles were spicier than you could handle. You took a bite of the bread and nearly puked.

“Is- IS THAT MAYONNAISE?!?” You cough trying to get the awful tastes out your mouth. You rush to the fridge and down a glass of milk.

“Yū what the fuck?!” You say after catching your breath.

“What? I thought you said you wanted to expand your palette,” he’s wearing a smug grin.

You huff and get your things together to leave.

“Wait- don’t go!” He’s scrambling to catch up to you.

“I can’t do this today. I’ll see you after my shift,” you slam the door behind you as you leave.

You picked up a quick meal from the food court and find an empty table to eat at.

You had turned your phone off, not wanting to hear your notifications go off. The rest of your shift was uneventful thankfully, but you were still beyond irritated.

It was twenty minutes until the end of your shift when you turn your phone back on. You had about a dozen texts from Yū, which you were expecting, but you had a missed call from Tanaka from five minutes ago.

Confused, you called back.

“Hello?”

“Y/N! Uh, so you see, Noya he- well he was trying to make something up to you? Anyways, he called me over to your place and I was helping him cook and he may have accidentally, umm, cut his finger pretty bad.”

“What?! Tanaka where are you right now?” You were already gathering your things and writing a note to your boss explaining your leave.

“The hospital,” he replied.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” you rushed to your car.

You may have been driving way a little past the speed limit, but you were at the hospital in record time.

Thanks to the lady at the front desk, you found Yū quickly. You thanked Tanaka as he left the room, not wanting to stand around awkwardly.

“Yū! Are you okay? What were you even doing with a knife! Here let me see,” you grabbed his hand and looked it over.

His pointer and middle finger had been wrapped up in bandages, but the rest of his hand looked fine.

“They didn’t need stitches,” he said bashfully.

“Hmph you’re lucky,” you mumbled, “but why would you need to use a knife?” You searched his face. He looked away, hand rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“I was trying to make you a nice dinner. I wanted to make it up to you for lunch,” he was uncharacteristically quiet.

You gently turned his face towards you, giving him a quick kiss. His face turned bright red and he sputtered incoherently for a minute.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I was having a pretty bad morning and getting my tongue burnt off didn’t help. You’re still an amazing boyfriend though and I still love you,” you intertwined your hands with his and gave it a gentle squeeze. He smiled and leaned to touch his forehead to yours

“Does that mean we can have spicy ramen for dinner then?” He asked.

“Don’t push it.”

I hope you enjoyed! Any feedback is highly appreciated!

*I do not own Haikyuu!! or the characters only the story*

*Do not repost anywhere, all credits to me*

[syuga-s]

As long as we are together, even the endless maze is paradise.

w.c 1.8k

pairing. Changkyun x gn!reader

genre. fluff, still dont know how to classify it but it’s my take on relationships in real life(?)

a/n. mention of svt members <3, this takes place on the universe(?) of the fic i have in progress, got excited and went for this lil scenario, i'll always try to make them as gender-neutral as possible, hope you enjoy (• ε •)

You finally had gotten off work. This shift had been unbelievably chaotic and you couldn’t wait any longer to get home. But of course, it’s raining, today of all days.

Adding the fact that Chloe’s been extremely unpleasant today. You’ve been on bad terms for a while now since she found out about you and Vernon.

You clocked out at the same time and she just wanted to get on your nerves. But you were past being this immature, especially when it came to a guy you haven’t seen since you graduated.

"Just go already, Chloe". 

With that, you went to exit the building and that's when you saw Minghao waiting for a cab –in the rain–.

You tried to get Minghao's attention, so he could get inside with you but you both just ended up at the door frame barely safe from the rain. You hugged even though he was soaking.

You didn’t mind because you haven't seen him in years, and you didn't know you missed the way you felt when you were with him. Strangely so, his hug felt like being 17 again. Can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing.

You made some small talk about the weather and teased him for standing in the rain. “Are you shooting a music video or something?”

He laughed but quickly changed the subject, "I hope you've been good, I haven't seen you in years but you look really happy".

How can he still be this good at reading me? You could only smile to the ground and gave him a side hug. "I've really missed you Hao; hope you’re doing well too". 

Suddenly, his phone started to ring, and you caught a glimpse of the screen before he asked you "Mind if I answer?" Wonwoo was calling him. "Not at all, go ahead!" You told him with a smile.

Not to be nosy but you wanted to hear this conversation. "I've been waiting for you to pick me up for almost an hour dumbass, are you aware that it's fucking RAINING?"

And of course, you couldn't hear the other person on the line, but you knew perfectly he must've been making a hell of an excuse. "Right, yes, I'm still here, no I'm not alone… just hurry I'm freezing". 

Guess it was inevitable that you'll see Wonwoo in a few minutes.

You broke up more than three years ago and haven't seen him since then. You’re more than ready to rip the band-aid. You didn't exactly end on bad terms, but maybe some awkwardness is still laying in there. Actually, you haven't thought about him in a while. You started to wonder how has he been all this time.

"I thought you were waiting for a cab Hao!! I can still give you a ride if you want"

"Aw y/n no, don't worry about it, I'm going out with the guys, so I'll have to take you up on that offer another time"

"Alright then, you have to promise me we'll catch up soon, it’s been too long”.

It was as if the world was telling you to wrap it up because you saw a very familiar car approaching the street, and immediately your phone started ringing too.

You saw that it was almost 9:00 P.M. Changkyun hasn't got here? You signaled Minghao that you were going to answer your phone and got inside the building again.

"Hi my baby!!! I'm sorry for running late the guys got me caught up at work BUT I AM ALREADY ON THE WAY I'LL SEE YOU IN LITERALLY TWO MINUTES"

You could hear how worried your boyfriend was and it was so endearing that you couldn't help but laugh at the way he was screaming in the car.

"It's okay baby I ran into someone here at work too, I got distracted and didn't notice the time, but please DRIVE SAFE IT’S RAINING BUT ALSO hurry upppp” You ended up with a pout as if he could see your expression.

"I'm hurrying I swear!!! —YES — your man has arrived at the destination". “Ok, ‘my man’ needs to come get me please” he made you laugh at his words. “I'm here at the door BYE"

With that, you went outside again, and you couldn't have imagined that you would see all these guys in front of you EVER AGAIN. Nor that they would get out of the car just to say hello to you. But maybe that's your mistake cause they have always been friends, still after everything that happened.

So, there they were, Wonwoo, Jihoon, Chan, Jun, and Minghao. All eyes on you, all of them waiting for the other to talk to you first, but everyone noticed how your eyes immediately went to Wonwoo and you both smiled at each other. Jihoon was happy that you made eye contact with him, even though he noticed there was nothing for him behind your eyes.

You were the first one to talk. 

"Hey there you guys, Hao told me you were going out!" You said while looking at Chan. "Yeah, we're headed to the Lucky 94!!"

"Want to join us?" You heard Jun ask, and before you could say no, your knight in shining armor shouted your name. "BABYYYY!!" Yes, your official name is baby, what about it? 

All of you turned to the left side of the street where Changkyun was power walking to you. It came as a surprise to all of them, no one knew you were in a relationship at the moment, but after all these years they should've known, they knew how private you were about your entire life. 

When Changkyun got by your side he just wrapped his hand in yours and flashed all the guys in front of him one of his prettiest smiles. As if he didn't look threatening as fuck.

Your love for him was only growing by the second. "Guys this is my boyfriend Changkyun, unfortunately, I have to deny your offer tonight because we already have plans, but I hope we see each other again soon!”

"It's okay y/n we can plan something another time, you look really good by the way" Wonwoo finally spoke and Changkyun tightened his grip on you.

"Thank you Wonwoo, have fun tonight. It was nice to see all of you" Having said this, your eyes landed on Jihoon, who was now leaning against the car, ready to get away from there.

Maybe at another point in your life, you would've sensed something negative by seeing him in this circumstance. But all you could find inside you was a trace of the love you had for him when you were a teenager. 

You quickly decided that you wouldn’t give him this space in your head. Neither of you deserved to revisit those feelings that you already went through years ago. 

Especially now when you have this wonderful person by your side, it wasn't a coincidence that he got there at this exact moment. Making you appreciate the little things he does for you that say, “I’m here, and I care so deeply about you”. Your life with Changkyun has intertwined so profoundly that everything comes easy with him.

You all said your goodbyes, and you started walking to the parking lot. You got to your boyfriend’s car, but you didn’t get inside just yet, Changkyun stared at you and your eyes told him everything he needed to know. Your boyfriend swiftly wrapped you up in a much-needed hug.

Since he called you, he knew something was going on, he has gotten good at sensing the way you were feeling. In moments like this, you were happy to know that his heart was as invested in you as you were with him. He softly spoke in your ear “Let’s get inside baby, it’s cold as hell in here”.

He opened your door, and you waited for him to get inside. You searched for his embrace once again, his arms made you feel so at home that you were glad he came to get you tonight, and you had to let him know this. “Today was hard,” You said, still clinging to his arms, not minding the incredibly uncomfortable pose you got yourself into just so you could be hugged by your boyfriend for a few more minutes. “Thanks for picking me up tonight”

“You know that I would come for you every day if you just let me, you stubborn baby” You laughed against his chest and gave him a light punch at this arm. “Hey, hey let’s not get violent in here, I’m sensitive,” He told you while laughing and ended up with a tender kiss to the top of your head. 

You don’t know much, but you do know you love him. When he smiles like this, the world seems to fade away with all your problems, and he’s all you can see. Every time he’s singing in the car on your way home, the outside noise doesn’t even exist anymore. All you want to do is grab his face and kiss him, but that would mean he’d stop singing. And when he looks at you with those beautiful brown eyes, when he places his hand on yours, when he lets you rest your head in his chest, and listen to the beat of his heart, just his mere existence makes you believe that you found this little piece of heaven within him.

The love you were always searching for, you found it with him. No one else had been able to make you feel like you were bursting with love, and you always believed that that needed to happen for you to be in a relationship with someone. You always knew that love isn’t meant to be hard, nor it makes you lose the person that you are. For you, it was about sharing your souls, goals, and perspectives, cause when the time to be together would come, your lives would already be made, and you would just be together supporting each other, still maturing. And that this person would only make you feel safe, happy, and loved. Changkyun was your definition of love.

Your relationship with him made you further confirm this. You thought it would scare you to be vulnerable around him but opening your heart to him was one of the easiest things you’ve ever done. You’re aware you were complete without him. And he knew this. But being by his side, experiencing life with him, made you want to be so much better. You only wanted to support him every step of the way. It made you want to be stronger with him. You wanted both of you to grow together and help each other grow individually. And the fact that he was on the same page with you about this, knowing that you don’t need each other but you really fucking want to be together, makes you think you have a pretty great shot at this. 

You know, undoubtedly, you are in love with this man. And it feels a hundred times better to know he loves you too.