#i need to talk to a doctor and try to sort this but ffs i don't see that going well and it terrifies me

[middle-name-queer]

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[saintsenara]

How has being a doctor influenced your writing or ig your viewpoints/person? Currently I’m a med student - haven’t really come across many doctors who also write ff (perhaps I’m not talking to the right people haha). Can you tell me a little more about what meds like for you?

thank you for the ask, anon - and i hope your training is going well.

i'm not going to talk about my speciality etc., for internet safety reasons, and i've received another ask which i will one day get around to answering on wizarding medicine as a science. but i will talk about how medicine has affected my experience in fandom and influenced my writing.

my writing process looks, i think, fairly ruthless from the outside. i’m not somebody who tends to agonise over things like word choice, i never have anything beta-read or seek advice on plot lines as i’m writing, i don’t need little routines or dedicated time to write (i’m a whenever and wherever girly), i hit publish and move on, and i’m generally good at not getting upset by criticism. and that decisiveness is undoubtedly a skill which has been honed by working in medicine, but, like other aspects of my personality which affect both my writing and my career - e.g. that i’m extremely good under pressure, someone with good intuition, able to hyperfocus, a lateral thinker, possessed of a very strong stomach, someone who doesn’t need to stick rigidly to a routine, and emotionally resilient - i’ve always been like this.

and i’ve also always been someone who has a preference for characters who aren’t the good guys.

my writing tends to favour the flawed, the lonely, the grieving, the furious, the self-destructive, and so on. i find the virtuous quite boring, and i really dislike the puritanical streak which a lot of fandom discourse (and, indeed, all media discourse) has developed in recent years. i think it’s incredibly dangerous that liking particular themes, tropes, or characters in fan-fiction has come to be equated with the reader’s real-world views and morals, and i think it’s equally dangerous for us to have any assumption that moral purity is possible from either fictional or real people.

that i think this is partially because i’m not fourteen - i remember well the righteousness of youth, and i’m glad that social media wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive then - and i am sympathetic to the fact that a lot of this purity discourse is just teens trying to self-actualise. but it’s also because it’s something that is completely impossible to do as a doctor if you’d like to be capable of doing your job properly. you will never have a perfect patient, you will never like a perfect character, you will treat them anyway.

when you’re training, i think it’s easy to end up with the assumption that your difficult patients will either have reasons for their difficulties which are so understandable that you can have compassion for them with ease (e.g. the nice young person being slowly locked-in by als who lashes out in grief and rage at how their life is being cut short) or so cartoonishly malicious that you will enter a state of clinical detachment and treat them with nothing more than cool professionalism (e.g. the elderly racist who refuses to be treated by a black doctor). and you certainly will have lots of patients who fit these extremes of the spectrum.

but you will mostly have people who are very messy and complicated and human. who will be incredibly unpleasant and yet will also tug at your heartstrings. who will be in pain and will be afraid and will be funny and interesting and grieving and who will also have done things in their lives which are horrifying.

your patients will be cruel. they will be sleazy. they will treat the nurses with contempt (do not be the sort of doctor who does the same). they will be bigoted. they will be rude. they will be annoying. they will be sly. they will lie to you. they will be malicious. the list is endless. you will treat them anyway.

your patients will make bad decisions again and again - the sixty-a-day smoker who needs oxygen to breathe is probably still going to light up the second they’re out of the building, the person who barely survived covid because they didn’t get the vaccine is going to continue to refuse to take precautions to protect themselves - and you will both be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just not making that bad decision. you will treat them anyway.

your patients will choose to be and to remain ill-informed - they will tell you that vaccines can turn children trans, or that the pharmaceutical industry is suppressing the truth that homoeopathic remedies cure cancer - and you will both be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just changing your worldview overnight. you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital for reasons which are directly and incontrovertibly their own fault - they will be the eighteen-year-old who thought they’d be fine to drive after a couple of drinks and has now killed their friend and given themselves irreversible brain damage, they will be the drug dealer who got stabbed by a rival in a robbery-gone-wrong - and you will both be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as making a different choice when so much in life is a coin-toss. you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital and also be bad people - they will be the child molestor brought in from prison in cardiac arrest, they will be the parents who went to the bar rather than watch their child in the pool and are now having to be told that all resuscitation attempts have failed - and you will both be infuriated and you will understand that even the very worst people in the world can be afraid and in pain. you will treat them anyway.

you will also learn a very important lesson: it is tremendously easy to kill someone. you will see one failure to check the mirrors while driving, one punch in a pub brawl, one bump of mdma offered to a friend on a night out, one instance of seeing red, one split-second decision which takes a life. and you will recognise that the killer probably thought of themselves as a good person, but that isn’t how this works. because, of course, the cold, hard truth is that you probably think of yourself as a good person. but you’re going to kill someone too.

not intentionally - i hope - but you are going to act too slowly to begin treatment, or be convinced that someone’s pain can’t be as bad as they say and triage them wrongly, or assume that a patient with dozens of instances on their records of trying to score opiates by claiming to have abdominal pain is lying again, or think that you know better than the patient and their family, or be misled by the charming demeanour of people who are abusing their children. you are going to make a mistake in surgery, or because the lab was backed up, or because you’re tired, or because a&e is at breaking point. and somebody is going to die because of it.

the only thing you can do to stave off that inevitability for as long as possible is to never believe yourself infallible. don’t think of yourself as flawless, or righteous, or moral, or a brilliant genius who works alone. question your expectations; examine your biases; listen to patients properly; be aware of the realities of medical misogyny, racism, and ableism and never think yourself incapable of them; show your unpleasant patients as much compassion as your nice ones; be good to the nurses - they will save your bacon - and be just as good to the porters and the cleaners and the people who work in the morgue; stay educated; inform yourself about the actual experience of people who have, for example, been sectioned, or otherwise treated without respect by the medical system; leave your own problems at the door when you step onto the ward; don’t keep silent if you think one of your colleagues is dangerous; get a second opinion whenever you need to; accept that failure is inevitable; keep trying. recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple. treat them anyway.

so too in your life in fandom. never think that you alone have spotless interests, nor that your favourite characters are flawless. examine why tropes or interpretations of characters which allow them to be imperfect make you uncomfortable; examine your biases - is your slash heteronormative? is your portrayal of a non-white character stereotypical?; be nice to your commenters, and take as much as you can of what they say in good faith; remember that people writing fic are real and have complex motivations and experiences; regard it as your duty to confront portrayals of the violent and the cruel with as much compassion as you can; keep writing. recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple. write them anyway.

[not-poignant]

*waves* I've been sitting on this ask for awhile but I feel ready to share. FFS came at a time when I really needed it. The scene where Ef is talking to the dietician gave me courage to start looking and a few months ago I was accepted into a eating disorder program and began working with my own dietician and food therapist. And it's hard. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong there or that I'm a fraud. I don't know what my goals are w/eating. But I'm trying and your story got me started. Ty ❤️❤️

Hi anon,

I'm so proud of you for seeing a dietitian and food therapist! I think it's incredibly normal honestly when you have an eating disorder and/or disordered eating to think of the absolute extremes of eating disorders and then think 'I shouldn't be here.'

It's normal for us to minimise what we're experiencing, and while I haven't had your experiences, I have had the experience of... having an eating disorder, not realising because I'm fat (it is a restrictive eating disorder, and I did not think this was possible), seeing a dietitian and sort of sitting there like 'yeahhhhh but you don't really think I have this right?' while she metaphorically shakes her and my doctor's assessments at me with an angry look on her face.

It is really hard, because food is like, well we have to do it. And it's hard to do well, because there's a lot of industries absolutely hell-bent in making us hate our bodies, in making us want to eat certain ways or not eat in other ways or avoid macros, because sometimes it's a way to get control, because sometimes we have chronic illnesses and we associate eating with pain, etc. etc. Whatever the reason, it's ever-present and confrontational.

My first serious bout with severe self-harm in years actually came after my second-ever meeting with my dietitian, because we spent an hour talking about my food scarcity experiences in childhood, and I genuinely, genuinely had no idea that it would cause my PTSD to relapse that severely and that quickly.

And I still think, after a year, 'but I don't need to be here do I? This isn't that serious is it?'

Anyway, I know from that, you are absolutely 100% not a fraud, anon. Your healthcare specialists don't think so either. If anything they probably really respect that you're exploring this even despite your doubts and fears. It takes a lot of courage! In some ways it can be a lot easier to get 'normal therapy' before seeing a food therapist, which is wild to say, but there it is. You're brave, anon, and really cool, and I hope you can continue to get support while you're on this journey!! <333

[tarnishedxknight]

{out of dalmasca} Well, guys... things just keep getting better. Yes, that was sarcasm, heh. I'll continue below a cut to spare people who don't want to hear about these sorts of things... but the upshot is... I'm still not sure how long my hiatus is going to be. I hope to know in the next day or two, and then I will update everyone. In the meantime, this blog will still remain open, activity will just come and go as I have brain, energy, and desire to write.

My appt. today didn't quite go how I thought it would. I met my surgeon, he's extremely nice and he answered all my questions. So I feel better about the surgery in general. But like... I thought we had already decided I was doing this and today was to actually... schedule it. Nope, today was to decide to do it (I decided 14 months ago, but okay), and now they need me to go for like four other tests and have an appt. with one of my other docs before I can even schedule surgery.

So not only do I not know when it is still, but I'm pretty much in constant pain around the clock, my anxiety is as a sustained level of Terrible™, and at any moment, something could go very wrong and land me in the hospital. I'm just... tired of the American healthcare system, ffs. Pardon my language but this is fucking bullshit. How long do I have to be in pain for, or how sick do I have to be, before somebody feels a sense of urgency about this?

And then... my favorite aunt passed away today, only four months after her cancer diagnosis. On her grandson's birthday. And my cousin was there by her side for weeks but had to fly home for a couple days because her husband couldn't cancel a business trip and she needed to watch her kids. So she wasn't there when her mom died and is beating herself up over it. I have to call her tomorrow and it's... something I know I have to do, but really don't want to. I'm so exhausted with everything I've been going through that I just am not sure how much I have to give her as far as being able to hold her up and to offer deep emotional consolation. I just don't have a lot to give right now. I've been running on empty for a long time now. But I have to try.

My dad says he's going to tell my grandmother tomorrow morning, and then he has to leave for the day. So I'm going to be left home with her for like 5-6 hours, and I have hours of grading to do, and she will likely... not leave me alone to get my work done. I'm a little pissed off about that, but I know he's upset about his sister and I don't want to get on his case about it. So she'll want to sit and talk and reminisce and all that and I just... frankly... don't. I internalize things, that's just how I am. My grandmother... needs human interaction and talking and constant noise. Her needs are the polar opposite of mine. So tomorrow should be fun, grading while she won't leave me alone while waiting for various doctor's offices to call me back about appts. and then calling my grief-stricken cousin. *sigh*

So... yeah, that's where I'm at. 🙃 I am hoping... once again... that in the next 1-2 days I'll have a lot of these appts down and I'll know when my aunt's funeral is, so I'll know whether I'm just going to extend this hiatus for a while, or come back for a bit and then take another hiatus later. There are just so many scheduling things that are outside of my control right now, so I just have to wait and see.

Thank you to everyone on this blog who has been so understanding these past few months. This is... a pretty bad time in my life (and obviously my dad's and cousin's etc. as well), but I'm just taking things one day at a time.

I do want to write a little, the distraction is good right now. I apologize in advance if it isn't the greatest writing in the world because I am a bit off right now, but I would like to be here for a few hours tonight and just work on what I can.

[rimurutempest]

Wisdoms™ I’ve gained in my time wriggling around in this mortal vessel:

•Never trust a District Attorney to prosecute someone who has physically abused you. Ever.*

•Most abuse is not “Narcissistic Abuse™”, it's just abuse. Arrogance ≠ Narcissism. Low/Lack of empathy also ≠ Narcissism.

•Asking for space & then maintaining a strict boundary of nonresponse for a set period(try a month) is a very telling way of determining how salvageable a relationship presently is.**

•Whenever you think you've met a pet's basic needs***, take a look at what you're still not doing for them. Do it.

•Your doctor doesn't care if it's embarrassing or gross. If something is up with your body, talk to them. If you feel a little out of sorts? Talk to them.****

*Addendum to the DA Wisdom: Unless you crave repeated embarrassment & exhaustingly gross incompetence, but even then, I can't advise it.

**Please don't keep pouring your time & energy into a relationship with someone who isn't putting the same amount of work in. This absolutely applies to family, natal & chosen alike. Things are RARELY permanent & if someone genuinely puts the effort in to catch up & heal a relationship later on? You have the option to revisit your decision then ー Just don't expect them to.

***Healthy food, treats, bedding, litter, environment, play/enrichment, maintenance, size of enclosure, access to veterinarian, etc. If you have a dog or a cat, ffs please get health insurance for them. Brush their teeth. Trim their nails. Brush them regularly. Teach them tricks. Smaller pet? Should they have a companion? Do they have sufficient space? Bedding/litter? Toys/interactive objects? Are those objects definitely safe? NEVER stop adding to your checklist. If you can't afford the basics, let alone any of this, you can't afford the pet. Do not let your cats offleash outside. Don't let dogs free roam. Period.

****If you don't have healthcare, ask at your nearest clinic or hospital for their financial services office. See how they can help you either get on a state insurance plan or otherwise access healthcare as affordably as possible. This is their job.

[tin-can-iron-man]

Hey have we ever seen Doom be romantic in that physical sense? Because when he got that woman pregnant I was like “When did that happen?” Did I miss an indication that it did? I know he likes to get married to the occasional entity, but that’s usually for political reasons.

the short answer of this all is just a simple “yes” but if you want to listen to me explain in explicit, pain-staking detail (and occasionally my own biased opinions) of what you could possibly refer to as “Victor Von Dooms disastrous love life” you’re welcome to hit that read more because strap in I’m about to write a goddamn essay (also credit to whoever has it as I took these images off the internet thank you for your service or else this entire mess would’ve have photos to break it up)

So, in reference specifically to the Amara thing we need to take a few steps back and possibly assume several things (unless I, too, have missed or forgotten about something, I haven’t read those Iron Man issues in a very long time despite regularly revisiting infamous for some light reading to unholy binging accompanied by certain other stories (life FF (2011) but specifically only when Victor is around and recent installments to either yell at them about why they’re not understanding my poor little meow meow as a character properly or yell at them because Victor is making sense in a way that is told narratively as wrong but actually has a point or two)

So, for some flavor context: Amara Perera is a genius biophysicist who was introduced in the 2016 Invincible Iron Man run as Tony’s next love interest/girlfriend. She meets Victor while she is dating Tony because Victor won’t stop bothering Tony as he’s chosen to be his sort of inspiration/ideal role model of sorts on his own path towards redemption after all the shit he’s pulled (because he realized during the 2015 Secret Wars event that even with everything he’s ever wanted: ultimate power (of the beyonder) and to be ruler of the (remaints) of the multiverse, even being Reed Richards (to an extent but, yeah he stole his entire family and replaced Reeds role because he had the ability to do that, are you ok Victor) wasn’t what he…truly wanted, so his desire to become a “superhero” is more about a journey to find a purpose as well as an apology for all of the horrible things he did as Doctor Doom for a role he realized he was not truly fitted for and the fact that you would reTCON THAT PART OF DOOMS ARC AND THROW HIM BACK INTO A VILLAINOUS ROLE MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO WIN, EVEN WE HE DOES, AND TAKES AWAY THE EMOTIONAL GROWTH HE JUST WENT THROUGH–) 

So yeah Victor keeps randomly walking in to talk to Tony or assist Tony or just kinda check up on Tony and…yeah he was really focused on trying to be Tony’s friend at this time (if you wanna call it that, Victor thinks they’re friends, Tony is being a big ol tsundere about it). And occasionally he would do this kind of thing with Amara around, or when Amara was on dates with Tony. like, straight up crashing in and third wheeling. Noting and appreciating Amara’s general lack of fear at his presence, even talking science/shop talk with her and giving her notes/advice.

Then Tony fakes his death for a mission that goes on for too long and it’s implied and slightly shown that this is the point in time where Victor and Amara are alone together. Victor gets Amara a job at Cambridge and checks in on her from time to time because, you know, her boyfriend was just declared dead. And as far as I’m aware most of their relationship, if one could call it that, happens off panel. I kinda interpret the whole situation like a soap opera (which is how most of Tony’s relationships are like in comics) (also I’m using this next bit as an example and not exactly what I believe happened): the soap opera Guy who was with the soap opera Girl dies and the guys soap opera Frenemy leaning towards friend does stuff like, buys her flowers as condolences, pays her bills for the next for months, moves in with her because “it’s too quiet in my house now” and eventually soap opera Girl falls into soap opera Frenemies arms and they uh, “spend the night together” only for soap opera Guy to show up and go “hey I’m not dead!!!” and soap opera Girl smack him and breaks things off only to then discover she is pregnant with soap opera Frenemies baby

(also there was originally an air of mystery about whos baby it actually was, Tony’s or Victors? But everyone just kinda universally agreed it was Victors, even the comics)

So, that’s the Amara stuff sorted out. I’m very sorry if my explanation has left you more confused. Comics do that.

Now, for your question on if we’ve ever seen doom being physically romantic for a woman, the answer to that is yes! I’m sure there are other women that I am forgetting about and I’m sure there are panels out there that show that I am a dumb-stupid head, and that’s ok.

For the most part Victor's love life isn’t…exactly elaborated on and it’s mostly just that while Victor–if a writer decided to–COULD have love interests he just simply doesn’t and mostly chooses not to. (Literally, there’s an old Latverian law (re: corrupt barons handled Latveria before Victor started a coup and took over and some laws he hasn’t gotten to/kept because he decided they would be convenient for one reason or another) where the Latverian royal family has the capacity to just simply, pick a woman from the crowd and force her to “spend time alone” with them, they can’t say no, they can’t fight back, if they’re married, their husbands must let them go, they must not refuse any request made of them at this time, so Latveria is basically just a giant fucking harem to the royal family. And the one and as far as I know only time Victor has ever used this was just simply to have a private conversation with a married woman so her family could not eavesdrop. Like. He’s fucking ethical!! Thank god.) 

This is, of course, not to say Victor hasn’t been interested in women, but the things he finds attractive are–most of the time–a person's boldness and the power that they possess (re: Amara, the first thing he noted about her was that he appreciated she was not afraid of him despite his reputation) and we can see that in some of the women he’s been interested in over the years, varying from a sort of–*hand gestures*–romantically charged respect he gives to Storm/Ororo Munroe even upon meeting her even for the first time, recognizing her power, grace, and again, her lack of fear of him (something he did not appreciate so much back then). 

To a kind of–albeit, established as manipulating and for ulterior motives–protectiveness over Wanda when he tried to marry her to gain control over her chaos magic. (and even maintaining a calm demeanor when Wanda threatens to kill him later on, which reads as “if you were going to do that, you already would have, Wanda” but I personally interpret it as “hot”). He still (at the very least, on a surface level) treated them with respect, he treats Ororo as an equal (if not more) and he treats Wanda…a bit less favorably but that's just different writers doing different things. And in the reality Wanda created where her and Victor were married (although I have not personally read it) he seemed to treat her with affection and respect that she must have at least perceived to be how Victor would act around her if they were truly husband and wife. A perception that was based in reality even though he was attempting to emotionally manipulate her.

Even Zora Vukovic aka Victorious, Victors herald and general right hand (wo)man and most recent attempted wife (for political reasons, thank god) (didn’t end up married because uh long story short everything exploded) shows this kind of boldness and is infused with cosmic power!!!

The only person who doesn’t exactly fall under this “type” of his is, arguably (I see you shippers), is his childhood sweetheart and the closest thing Victors ever had to a genuine girlfriend/wife: Valeria Karela (ok her wiki doesn’t say she has a last name but I’m going off the names of her grandfather and mother because it’s the only name I have) 

Also fun little sidenote!!: NOT, I REPEAT, NOT VALERIA RICHARDS, VICTOR WAS GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO NAME REED AND SUE’S DAUGHTER AFTER ASSISTING IN HER BIRTH (so midwife doctor doom is fucking canon, jot that down) WHERE SHE AND SUE WOULD HAVE DIED IF HE HADN’T HELPED AND HE NAMED HER VALERIA AFTER THIS VALERIA BECAUSE HE LOVED HER AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FITTING AS HE ALREADY DECIDED IN HIS HEAD TO STEAL GODFATHER STATUS. SHE IS NOT VALERIA RICHARDS, SHE IS VALERIA RICHARDS NAMESAKE, DOOM NAMED VALERIA AFTER THE WOMAN HE LOVED BECAUSE HE ALREADY DECIDED HE (PATERNALLY) LOVED BABY VALERIA)

So, haha, time to take a few steps back again! So Victor was born to a roma caravan in Latveria to Werner Von Doom (a healer/doctor) and his wife Cynthia Von Doom (a witch). A little while after his birth Cynthia sells her soul to the demon Mephisto (one of marvels top big bads) in return for power she wished to use to overthrow the corrupt barons ruling her country and put a stop to the oppression of her people, but while Mephisto had granted her the magical power to do this, she lacked control and was killed by a latverian guard and died and got her soul sentenced to Hell. Her use of “satanic witchcraft” was then used as another reason why the Romani in Latveria should be oppressed and discriminated against. This in turn turned the Caravan against Werner, her husband, and especially Victor, her son (because what is more condemning, than being the child of an evil witch?). So while they managed to get to stay in the caravan, nobody was really…willing to be around Victor anymore besides his father. (Because he’s an outsider, because he shouldn’t be here, because he’s the witches son)

Nobody…except for Valeria Karela.

A girl close to the same age as Victor and the granddaughter of Werner's close friend and confidant, Boris Karela. (yes, the same Boris who now serves in Castle Doom and has done so faithfully ever since he was introduced. Take that as you will.)

So, Victor and Valeria grew very close at this time, and by the time they were about…I’d say…just about preteens? They both fully expected to one day get married and have children together. 

Of course, this did not work out. But there’s more to it than that.

It’s not as though this was a…silly middle school romance (even though they were young), but rather things just sort of happened and snowballed in Vic and Val’s lives that eventually drove them apart for the time being (Started with Werner's death, then Victor finding Cynthia's things and starting to perform magic like his mother had) until Victor was given the option to attend State University in America on a full ride scholarship because of his genius in science, specifically engineering and robotics. Victor asked Valeria to come with him to America but she refused due to having familial obligations in Latveria. In turn, Valeria pleaded with Victor not to go to America and attend University, and they argued until she gave him the ultimatum of going to college alone in America or staying with her and getting married, like they had planned and daydreamed about since they were little kids.

And Victor chose. 

And attended his college orientation.

And then Victor literally accidentally blew his face of after trying to build a machine to communicate with his mother in Hell because he decided he must save her from her eternal torture and that explosion blew up his dorm room and he got expelled and then later got to look at his brand new deformed face for the first time.

Yeah so Victor went on a pretty depressive spiral for a while just kinda living in europe off the money he made in college by selling ideas to the military (as his scholarship program was about that) and that’s when he coincidentally meets Valeria again and they start dating again and Valeria does not mind that his face is messed up and as far as I know she is the only woman that’s ever been depicted in this kind of romantic/physical relationship with Victor. And there is a…risque panel (nothing too explicit shown but uh yeah they’re absolutely going at it) in Books of Doom

(I will be choosing to abstain from that panel)

Anyway I just cranked out a 4 page essay response (that is the page number my google doc tells me that I wrote this in like a madwoman) to a tumblr ask and it’s midnight now. I literally wrote this into the next day so if you’re still here um, thanks! I very much appreciate the time it took to read this and I am so sorry this has become such a monstrosity. But also you’re welcome.

I’m going to collapse into bed now. See ya!

–Tin-Can-Iron-Man

P.S. I totally forgot to mention the time he had sex with Morgana Le Fay a lot. also possibly Loki they had a flirty type thing going for a while or something.

P.P.S. Read Books of Doom guys it’s really good

[writingoneshots]

Hello :D I really liked your last story with Law and the other with Killer!! I would also like to request something and if you don't wanna write it that's fine too. Idc about the scenario in general but how about Kid and reader fighting about almost everything daily and Kid gets pissed off and breaks up with reader. Then he finds out that she's pregnant and suddenly feels bad. You decide if they get back together or not :D

Hormones

Hi :) ! I had way too many ideas with this, which is why I randomly decided to just let my brain write what comes to its mind first. This is the result. I really hope you like it! Also.. I got a little carried away. Let me know if you don't like it, I can re-write it any time (for example: if you want a bad ending).

Ps: I tend to use names from my personal FF's because it's sometimes too strenuous to write 'Killer's girlfriend' or 'xy's partner'.. might happen in future stories as well but I will always announce it in the description first!

Have a nice day!

- Kid x reader (I also added 'Bella', who is Killer's girlfriend - I needed a name, sorry) - 2,492 words - drama, fighting, swearing, lots of thinking, SFW

The nights were almost as painful as the rest of the day lately. Kid couldn't stand not talking to you and for more than two weeks, you two have been barely speaking. The only sort of communication you two have is screaming and make-up sex, followed by another fight in the morning after. Kid loved you with his whole existence but he just couldn't take it any longer. If there was nothing fixing it tomorrow, then he would have to end it since even his crew has been in constant fear of getting killed by their own captain because he has been in a bad mood since your first fight. In the next morning, you took a quick shower and put on some clothes for breakfast. You tried your best not to think of Kid, even though you didn't know why. When you arrived at the restaurant, where the crew had been meeting up in the last couple of days, the ship's doctor patted at the empty seat next to him to offer you a seat.

He immediately used that chance and handed you some fresh fruits, "(Y/N) we really need to talk about your blood results from last week." "I know it's bad. I barely had any sleep in the last few weeks and I also have constant pain in my stomach.. could be because your captain is pissing me off lately. Stress and blah blah..", you rolled your eyes and grabbed the food before he could continue talking. "Oh, I see. This is my fault now too?", Kid came out of the bathroom and dried his hands on his little towel, which he carried around tied on his belt. You looked at him startled and didn't expect him to be here already. With a soft headshake, you just began eating the fruits, which the doctor handed you and sighed a bit. The table was quiet when Kid sat down, which was unusual. Kid ate his breakfast slowly, trying to figure out what to do or say. He looked at you, watched you eating silently and got lost in his thoughts. Should I give her a compliment? She looks good today.. But she doesn't deserve it. She didn't even want to have sex yesterday. Not even cuddling or making out.. Bitch. But if I don't say anything, she'll be mad as well. I really don't want her to leave. Fuck. Stupid woman. Suddenly a burst of loud laughter appeared from a table nearby and Kid couldn't help but take a look. A group of women was laughing about something funny that a guy has said, who was sitting with them. They were all having a good time. Kid was jealous. His table was usually the loudest one and now nobody was speaking at all. Again. His eyes wandered to the woman, who had a similar outfit as you when you once roleplayed in bed. This whole night suddenly played like a recording in his head and he couldn't help but spark a little interest again. You realized that Kid had stopped eating and when you looked at him, you realized that he was completely lost into something. Following his gaze, you didn't need too long to figure out what it was. Another woman. Kid was never interested in anyone else but you and didn't even dare to stare at someone else. But this was more than just staring. He was longing for her. "Why don't you just go and ask her to spend the night with you?", you looked at him angrily and pushed your plate aside. Kid frowned at that statement and looked confused at you. "What?" "So now you're also staring at other women? Why are you even with me? Always fighting with me, not having sex with me, staring at other women, and just being a complete idiot!", you tried to hide the tears in your eyes but it was all just too much for you. His eyes widened. He was really about to lose his mind and he had no idea how he managed to control his inner self from not exploding. "Are you fucking kidding me?", he whispered and his knuckles turned white as snow because of how hard he made a fist. "I have no fucking clue, why you're fucking mad at me. So you better shut the fuck up, before I do something that I will regret." "Oh really? And what would that be?", you crossed your arms at your chest and leaned back into the chair. "(Y/N), I am asking you now for the last fucking time. Shut. The Fuck. Up.", Kid looked down at his plate and closed his eyes right after. The metal around him began to vibrate and you raised an eyebrow at this reaction. "Guys.. please.. I can help with-" The doctor didn't have a chance to explain himself. "No, come on. Say it, Kid. What is going on in that mind of yours? Are you going to fight me again? Ignore me again? Hm?", you wiped your tears away and took a deep breath to prepare yourself for whatever he would say. "We're over." Silence. No one in this crew dared to say a word. Even Killer froze and hated himself for not interfering. You couldn't comprehend what he just said but your brain somehow understood. After taking a deep breath, you stood up without saying a word and left the restaurant. A few minutes have passed before the first one spoke up. Killer waited for the metal to stop vibrating and gave Kid a few more seconds to breathe. "You know what you just did, right?", he talked in a soft tone

and watched how Kid was slightly shaking. He could see the regret in his eyes but had no idea how to help him. "I couldn't stand this any longer.", was the only thing that Kid has said that day. He disappeared until the night has covered the skies and came back to the crew helping to carry a few things into a different cabin. Apparently, a few arrangements have been made while Kid was gone. His head was completely empty and he couldn't care less about what has happened during his absence. He just wanted to lay down and wasn't even sure if he wanted to be alone or not. Bella, Killer's girlfriend, carried your things into the girls' sleeping room where she had already spend her nights with Heat's girlfriend as well. Kid couldn't help but think of the good times when the ship only had men on board. Life was much simpler back then he would do anything to get back to it. Killer approached Kid slowly and eyed him carefully. "You seem.. calm?" Kid gave him a short side-eye and turned his attention back to the crew re-decorating his ship. "She's going to leave the ship on the next island.", Killer commented and took a deep breath. "Are you still sure about this? That you don't want to be with her?" He wasn't. But he also didn't know how to work this out. This was the first time in his life that Kid had no idea what to do. "C-captain.. I tried talking to (Y/N) but she keeps avoiding me. May I talk to you instead?", the doctor of the ship was holding some papers tight in his hands, dithering slightly. "You really think that now is a good time to talk?", Killer scratched his head and wasn't sure if this doctor was smart or stupid as hell. "Get out of my sight, man. I don't have time for bullshit right now.", Kid pushed the doctor away and walked right past him. The doctor couldn't take it any longer. "IF AT LEAST ONE OF YOU WOULD LISTEN TO ME, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!", he screamed out of his lungs. When he suddenly realized what he just did, he wanted to jump off the ship. The whole crew went silent and stopped in their current motion. Even Killer went a step back and someone in the background started praying. Kid turned around and made two large steps towards the doctor, grabbing him by his shirt and lifting him without any struggles. His eyes were glowing in anger and his muscles were tensed, focused not to kill him within two seconds. "You have only one sentence to save your life, asshole." "(Y/N) is pregnant!" The doctor spitted that out, faster than a gun's shot. Kid froze. His grip on the doctor's shirt loosened and he stood still like a statue. The doctor got pushed to the side and Killer asked him several times if he was sure about this. The doctor nodded and showed him the results. "The mood swings, the pain in her stomach, her sex drive and the morning sickness. The blood results are proof enough.", the doctor showed it to Killer but it was worthless because Killer didn't understand any of these things. Kid let his arm slowly down and turned around, facing the corridor to the cabins. She is pregnant.. That's why she was behaving like a bitch and hated the fact that I was existing. Pregnant.. Shit. I am going to be a father? I am going to have kids.. A Kid having kids.. I can already hear the jokes. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why am I so shocked? I never used any condoms with that woman. It's my fault. But also hers. Just because I stopped asking her to swallow.. For fucks sake. Is that bad? Can't we get rid of that? I could just leave it on an island.. but then (Y/N) would kill me or even leave me to be with that child and- Wait.. no.. nonono.. she's not even mine.. she can't leave me because I- I- .. I broke up. "Killer.. I have never seen Kid like this.", Heat looked more sad than usual and didn't know what to say. "Is he broken?" "No, he's probably just trying to think. You know.. he's barely doing that, which is why he is in this situation right now.", Killer shrugged and didn't let Kid out of his sight. This stance always meant that Kid was battling his inner self and Killer knew that his best

friend could have a mental breakdown right afterwards, which usually ends up in a killing spree every time. But this time, Kid just shook his head and went straight to the ship's corridor. He pushed away other crew members and entered the women's cabin without knocking. Heat's girlfriend was unpacking your things, while you were in the bathroom throwing up. Kid took a deep breath and approached the bathroom, now knocking softly. "Give us a second!", Killers girlfriend screamed and opened the door right after. She shrieked at the sight of Kid, not expecting to see him here. "She's not feeling well, Kid.", Bella explained carefully and blocked the sight to you. "I know. Let me talk to her." "I don't think-" "It's alright..", you sighed and washed your face right after cleaning your mouth. Bella looked at you to make sure you're okay and nodded before leaving you two alone. Kid entered the bathroom and locked the door afterwards. He wasn't sure how to start this conversation but he couldn't stop looking at you. The thought of not being the one, to own you and actually being the reason why you're feeling sick, made him feel uneasy. "If it's about me being here then I-" "Shut up." You looked at him confused and didn't know what to do now. After drying your face with a towel, you watched Kid carefully as he approached you. "What are you doing?" "Stop talking.", he commanded and took a deep breath when he stopped right in front of you. His arms wrapped around you as well as his one metal arm allowed. But his flesh arm pulled you closer to him and kissed your head. "I am sorry for causing you pain. This is all my fault.. A little bit of yours too but mostly mine.", he whispered because he was more than just sure that Bella and Heat's girlfriend were listening on the other side of the door. "What has gotten into you? Are you drunk? You do remember that you broke up, right?", you frowned but didn't move away. Your cheek rested on his chest but you didn't hug him back. "(Y/N).. please forgive me. I was a dick. You can do anything to me.. hit me, scream at me, I don't care. Just please be mine again.", he mumbled against your skin, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Tears were building up in your eyes and you hated yourself for it because you didn't know why you became such a crybaby. "Are you sure about that? I don't want you to hate me!" "I could never hate you.." "But something is going on with us and I don't want this.. I want it to be like before.", tears were running down your cheek and you tried to wipe them away but new ones were rolling down right after.

"It will be.. after our child is born.", he kissed your head once more and waited for your reaction. "Wait... what?", you froze and sniffed against his chest. When you looked up, your eyes met his' and you didn't talk for a few minutes. Then it hit you. It suddenly all made sense. "I.. I am pregnant..", you took a deep breath and couldn't believe it. There was nothing in this world that could have prepared you for this moment. But you and Kid are going to be parents. You two didn't have a bad relationship. You were just too emotional and Kid wasn't used to it, which is why you both started fighting all the time. You weren't quite sure if knowing this fact would change anything in the next few months but you felt better. "We are going to have a child..", tears were rolling down your cheeks again and your heart was beating fast because of how excited you were. "Yea.. I would celebrate this with a kiss but you just threw up.. Disgusting.", Kid shook his head and pulled you tight to him again, lifting you up softly. "Also, I won't change a single diaper. Telling you right away." "I will squeeze a giant baby out of your favorite part of me. You don't have a say in that.", you chuckled and shook your head.

"Did you just laugh? I haven't heard that in weeks. Sounds like make-up sex to me.", Kid smirked and let you down on the bathroom sink, already ripping off your clothes. "I guess Daddy has a new meaning for you now?", you teased him a little and had to laugh at how he suddenly cringed. "Add this to the forbidden words in the bedroom."

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Nowhere to Run by  GleefullyCaptainSwan

Read on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jonesfandomfanatic @jrob64 @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s

The song referenced in this chapter is “We are Glass” by Thompson Square. You can hear the song here:

It’s a beautiful song and I felt it really summed up the characters in this story.

Chapter 10: We are Glass

Killian spent the next couple of weeks recovering in the hospital. He asked Robin to stay at his place to keep an eye on Emma and Henry, yet Emma spent most of her time next to his bed side when she wasn’t sitting in the corner of the room with Henry on her lap, teaching him his school lessons.

She told him how she had been teaching Henry everything she could while they were on the run. He could read and write, knew his arithmetic, and was an excellent artist. He found that even when he was tired, he would spend his time watching the two with reverence. Emma was a patient mother, but Henry was also an exceptional child.

“Did it hurt when you got shot?” The boy mused as he sat on the end of his bed, peeking up from between the cards in his hands.

“Aye. I would say it was pretty painful. Go fish, by the way.” He paused. “But the pain was replaced quickly by a sense of numbness, I guess, so I didn’t feel it long.” He stretched restlessly, looking down at his cards. “Have any 3’s?”

The boy narrowed his eyes, looking through his cards. “Go fish.” He smirked. “Do you think my dad is going to get out of prison and come after us again?”

Killian placed his cards against his chest. “I don’t think so lad. He’s going to have a trial. He has that right. The state will present its evidence, and he’ll face any consequences that he’s found guilty of. But you don’t have to worry, Henry. Even if he does get out, he’ll never get near you or your mom again.”

“But what about you? Who’s going to protect you?”

“Well, I’ve got Captain Nolan, and my partner Robin. Will and Belle…”

“And mom and me.” He said proudly.

Killian’s heart swelled. “You’d protect me? I’m honored.”

“Is Rogers ok?” His nose scrunched in worry.

“He’s staying with Will. He’s not a young pup anymore, so the old boy needed a lot of help getting better. But when they finally let me out of here, he’s gonna come back and live with me.”

“Will me and mom live with you?”

Killian swallowed nervously. He and Emma hadn’t talked about the future yet. There was still so much for them to resolve. Ten years was a long time to be apart, especially when the last time they had seen each other they were not in a good place.

“Your mom and I have a lot to talk about still.”

“Are you really married to my mom?” Continuing his barrage of questions.

He sighed. “Aye.”

“That must have been weird having her gone for ten years then. I bet you missed her.”

“More than all the stars in the world.”

“She used to tell me stories about you.” The boy said, his eyes wide as saucers.

“Did she now?” He mused.

“Sometimes you were a cop fighting bad guys, other times you were a swashbuckling pirate searching for treasure, and sometimes you were a Lieutenant in the Royal Navy sailing off on a ship to save the princess. Mom tells the best stories, but they were always about you.”

Killian’s eyes glassed over, bending his head to reach up and swipe at his face. “Your mother has quite the imagination, but I’m happy to be able to oblige for your entertainment.”

“Who’s hungry?” Emma’s voice filled the room as she came carrying a tray of food and drinks. “The doc says you are off your diet.”

Killian groaned happily as she sat the hamburger down on the tray in front of him. The first real food he would get to eat in weeks. He bit into the burger immediately, moaning loudly as soon as he tasted the meat on his tongue. Emma was staring at him, her mouth slightly agape. “Wut?” He said between chews.

“Nothing.” She said with an embarrassing glance away from him, her cheeks turning a bright shade of red. At least he still had some sort of effect on her, he thought.

“How did the call with Liam go?” She sat down in the chair next to him, pulling a grilled cheese sandwich into her hands.

“He was happy to hear that Neal is behind bars. He’s going to come visit soon when the girls are on holiday. He wanted me to tell you how gutted he was knowing everything you’ve been through.”

She shrugged, something she did often when he mentioned her past with Neal. “It will be nice to see him again. The girls must be so big now.”

“Aye. Twelve and sixteen now. He has his hands full for sure.”

She took a bite of her sandwich, watching Henry coloring at the end of Killian’s bed. “He’s not bothering you is he?”

“We were just playing a game of Go Fish. I think he cheats.” He whispered loudly, earning a complaint from Henry. Emma let out a pleasant laugh, something he was happy to earn from her.

“Doctor says you might get out of here tomorrow.”

“That’s my hope as well. I can’t wait to see Rogers.”

“I’m glad he’s alright. The old boy’s a survivor.” Emma mused.

“Aye, that he is.”

“I made an appointment for Henry and I to go see Dr. Hopper next week.” She said with a sad smile. “Figured I might need to talk through some things before we have to face Neal again at trial.”

“Hop’s a good man.”

“You know him?”

“Aye.” He nodded, not wanting to get into the fact that he knew him because he had been his patient, after Emma had left, when the world crumbled at his feet.

“I’ve been looking for a place to stay once you get released from the hospital. I know you’re going to need your bed to recover.”

Killian bit his lip. He knew they needed to discuss this. He didn’t want her to leave, but he also knew that they had a lot to work through if they were going to ever find their way back to each other. If she still wanted that.

“I can talk to Will. He had a vacancy across the hall from him a couple of weeks ago.”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“Emma…”

“Hey there.” Killian stared at Emma’s face as David entered the room. “How ya feeling?” He turned, facing his boss.

“Doing great, going home tomorrow, I’ll be back on the streets before you know it.” He grinned cheekily.

“Yeah you’re taking some time off, buddy.”

“What?” He complained.

“Take a vacation, Killian. You’ve earned some time off. Robins got your cases locked down right now.”

“Cap, I’m fine.”

“It’s an order, Detective.” He walked over to Emma and smiled, she suddenly reached up and wrapped him into a hug.

“You look better.” He said softly.

“I feel better, I feel like I’ve gained ten pounds just eating three meals a day.” She chuckled, but both David and Killian glanced uncomfortably at each other.

“Hey, don’t do that. I’m fine.” She glared. “I don’t want you treating me any differently than you did when we were at the academy.” She winked up at David, “Still top of my class, sir.”

“It’s good to have you back Emma.” David smiled with a genuine air of happiness.

Three months later

Emma picked the shirt off the floor in Henry’s room, tossing it into the hamper. “Did you remember to pack a toothbrush?” The boy appeared from behind the doorway, poking his head into the room.

“Yup. It’s in the front pocket of my duffle.” He disappeared again and then reappeared. “Are you gonna be ok with this?”

Emma smiled at him. “Of course, I am, why would you ask that?”

“Cuz this is my first sleepover away from you that isn’t over at Killian’s.”

“I’ll be fine, Henry. I actually have plans tonight.”

He moved quickly into the room. “What kind of plans?”

She sat down on the bed. “I kinda have a date tonight.”

“Does Killian know?” He asked with a shocked look of disgust on his face.

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about before you left.” He sat down next to her. “My date is with Killian.”

He jumped up from the bed and pumped his arms in the air. “Yes.”

Emma laughed. “Does that mean you’re ok with this?”

“Of course, I am. Killian’s the best. He even lets me stay up until 11pm when I stay over at his place.”

“Well, I’ll have to talk to him about that, but I’m glad you like him.” She wrapped her arms around Henry’s waist and hugged him tightly. “I love you, buddy. I hope you have fun tonight. And if you need me at all, you know you can call me.” She tousled his hair and kissed his cheek.

There was a knock on the door and Henry pushed away from her. “Gotta go, love you mom.”

Emma looked around Henry’s room, pictures he had drawn hanging on the wall. Her favorite one was hanging above the bed. It was of her, Henry, Killian, and Rogers playing at the park.

As difficult as returning home had been, they had settled into a pretty simple life. Emma and Henry had moved into their own apartment in Will’s complex. It was nice to have a friendly face around now and then when she found herself getting anxious on nights when Henry was sleeping over at Killian’s or when she would wake from a terrifying dream.

Will was always gracious no matter the time she found herself standing in front of his door with a bottle of rum in her hands. He would always sit up with her and listen to her talk about the first thing that came to her mind, something Dr. Hopper had suggested she try to take her mind off her nightmares. She didn’t know when it happened but before she knew it, he had become one of her closest friends.

And then there was Killian.

She wasn’t surprised that Henry had latched onto him so quickly. Killian was great with him, always patient, always offering to assist him with whatever the boy required. Which was often a lot as he was a growing boy who was adjusting to the freedom of being able to go outside and roam. Killian made sure he found new foods for him to try, adventures to experience, even new clothes to wear on his first day at a real school. Watching him with her son, the joy on his face, had her falling in love with him all over again. Of course, she hadn’t told him that. She was nervous about moving too quickly with him. Dr. Hopper told her that was normal. She had experienced a trauma and loss that not many people would cope with.

In her last session, she told her therapist that she wanted to try again with Killian. She had spent the last three months trying to figure out what her life would become now that she was home. She needed to learn who Emma was before she could deal with being Mrs. Jones again.

Killian had presented her with their divorce papers, gave her the choice to sign them and start her life fresh. She put it off, telling him that she needed some time to think before she made any big decisions in her life. He was patient and told her he understood but Emma knew that if he had his way, he would rip them to shreds.

Emma was volunteering at a small clinic that Mary Margaret worked at on the weekends, talking to victims of domestic abuse and rape. Currently she was taking it slow, still not understanding her own trauma that she had endured enough to feel like she had all the answers, but just being there with them to let them know they weren’t alone, and that someone understood what they had gone through. It was freeing to Emma to be able to own her story, to not feel ashamed anymore.

Dr. Hopper told her that was a form of acceptance. Owning what happened to you, claiming it as your story. She would never be over what Neal had done to her, stealing her dignity, laying waste to her self-esteem. But she refused to be defined by it. She didn’t want to be Emma Swan, rape victim. She was Emma Jones, survivor.

Today was going to be another step in her journey. Killian was taking her on a date. She remembered his face as they were eating lunch, a short break during his shift.

“We should go out.” She said nonchalantly between bites.

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Maybe, but I have to ask you a few questions first.” He raised his eyebrow, leaning forward for her to continue.

“Ask away.”

“I need to know if you ok going on a date with someone who is probably always going to be a little bit damaged.”

He shrugged, “Aren’t we all? I like to think I can absorb a little damage.”

“Ok then, last thing…” She grinned. “You gotta like kids or it’s a deal breaker.”

He laughed loudly, “Aye, I adore Henry.” He shrugged, “So, do I win a date with the beautiful woman who currently has a mayonnaise mustache?” He reached out, wiping the offending condiment from her lip, eliciting shockwaves through her body.

That was the moment she knew she was ready. She had felt excitement from his touch instead of withdrawing the moment he made contact.

He had insisted on being the one to plan the date, as much as she was sure she could still plan a night out, she had to admit that it took some of the pressure off. He wouldn’t tell her where they were going, only that it was somewhere she had been asking to go for a while and he felt she had earned it. Whatever that meant.

She slipped into the pink dress, pulling the straps over her shoulders. Looking in the mirror, she barely recognized herself. She looked feminine, happy, with a glint of hope in her eyes. The tears slipped onto her cheek; Neal had not stolen everything from her.

There was a knock on her door, a smile crept on her face. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and centering her mind. She was taking control of her life tonight.

Opening the door, she couldn’t control the shiver she felt when she saw him come into view. The man she fell in love with so many years ago was standing in front of her. Sure, he was older, the hint of grey kissing his hair, fine lines around his eyes, but he was even more gorgeous today than she remembered him all those years ago. This was the man who was willing to give up his life for her, loved her enough to save her, even if it meant he couldn’t have her.

“You look…”

“I know.” She giggled, accepting the rose he passed toward her. Her nose inhaled the fragrance of the flower, eyes glancing down his frame, the anticipation of the rest of their evening taking her to new heights.

“Shall we?”

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Patience is a virtue, love.” He winked.

She rolled her eyes but followed him out to his car. They drove in silence, her hands folded in her lap. The soft sounds of the radio playing through the car.

Trying to live and love,

With a heart that can't be broken,

Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can't be opened.

Yeah, we both carry baggage,

We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,

And I will do the same.

Emma felt the tears sting her eyes. The lyrics breaking into her heart as she chanced a glance at the man sitting beside her, his eyes focused on the road, his jaw tensed, that familiar vein popping from the side of his neck. He never forgot her in all the time she had been gone. She knew how he felt about her. The way he loved her. He’d been so patient with her these last few months. Not pushing her either out the door or into his heart.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

We are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

'Cause we are glass.

He turned toward her, a smile ghosting on his lips that held onto hope. When she walked out the door ten years ago, she knew she still loved him, that she would always love the man who had risked everything for her. Now she knew that back then, before everything went to hell, she was being stubborn walking away, letting her fear of the unknown hold her captive.

I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,

And in the darkness of this moment,

You see the good and bad.

But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,

But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.

She exhaled, a stray tear slipping against her cheek. She let it fall, not afraid of her emotions anymore. She had been stubborn; she should have known that they would have made anything work. Instead, she walked away and ended up in a hell she couldn’t control.

We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake,

We might burn like gasoline and fire,

It's a chance we'll have to take.

Emma was ready to let go of all of that. To let go of the ten years she had been robbed of, to forget all the stubborn and foolish decisions that had gotten them to this moment. She wanted to reclaim her life. She wanted to take back what was owed to her.

We are glass.

The song referenced in this chapter is “We are Glass” by Thompson Square. You can hear the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPd1GIwjRFMIt’s a beautiful song and I felt it really summed up the characters in this story.

[emilyofjane]

Why the Disney Princesses definitely need therapy: a Hot Take

Snow White

Losing her parents as a child and having to learn to take care of herself at a very young age (Snow White is 14 in the movie, and judging by her work ethic, she appears to at least have some experience with living independently before moving in with the 7 dwarves)

Lack of socialization due to isolation

Depression due to isolation and loneliness. This makes the whole “Someday My Prince Will Come” thing much more believable, because Snow White really isn’t in any sort of immediate danger and doesn’t need “saving” or whatever; she’s just tired of being alone and wants human companionship. (And tbh who can blame her? The poor girl’s literally talking to birds and moved in with the first group of humanoid creatures she could find ffs)

This one’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m pretty sure Snow White would also have an unhealthy fear of strangers and/or an irrational fear of being poisoned after the whole apple fiasco

Cinderella

Being raised in an abusive home environment for most (if not virtually all) of her life

The complete lack of positive social interaction throughout her life has probably led to problems with social withdrawal and isolation at some point, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has repressed symptoms of chronic depression due to loneliness.

Her closest emotional confidants are literally two talking mice, and that just screams “My only friends are animals because their love is unconditional I’ve been invalidated and unloved by every human being in my life” (aka extreme emotional neglect)

She probably has tons of questions about her biological parents that were never answerd because, again, her stepfamily hated her, which would obviously lead to some emotional baggage

If we consider Cinderella III: A Twist in Time to be the new canon, she definitely has some unresolved PTSD from her near-death experience (the “almost getting crushed to death in the carriage because it was transforming back into a pumpkin” scene)

Aurora

Existential crisis because the three fairy godmothers basically rewrote her entire identity as “Rose” and hid the fact that she was a princess

Never knowing who her real parents were as a child, leading to emotional baggage similar to that of Cinderella and Snow White mentioned above

Either the emotional burden of having to make up for 16+ years of lost time with her biological family, or the grief of losing her biological family without ever getting the chance to know them (idk whether Aurora actually got to meet her parents by the end of the movie or if they died before she woke up, because I don’t remember exactly how much time had passed while she was in the coma)

Speaking of the spindle prick-induced magical coma (which is a really long-winded and inefficient way to kill someone honestly, idk what Melificent was thinking), Aurora also has to deal with the emotional burden of how much time has passed while she was in a coma, which would only further feed into the existential crisis and emotional trauma in bullet points 1 and 3.

(Also, off the record, but Aurora’s entire life post-movie is just a hot fucking mess and she really deserves a second movie exploring that concept imo. I know that Sleeping Beauty has already gotten a live-action villain spinoff, but the story of Aurora herself really deserves to be reexamined under a modern lens also. Aurora is easily one of the most overlooked Disney princesses and tbh she deserves more love.)

Belle (feat. the expanded lore from the live-action movie)

Witnessing her mother die from the plague in their own home

Being forceed to move from the more culturally progressive city of Paris to the unnamed “poor provential town” in the movie, where she is clearly the odd one out and is subject to gender inequality on a daily basis (in the form of being publically shamed and socially ostacized for being an educated woman)

Being regularly sexually harassed by Gaston, which is further exacerbated by the villagers and their close-mindedness. Not only is Gaston’s behavior enabled and encouraged by the villagers, but they even go so far as to idolize Gaston — as shown during his namesake song — despite his obviously predatory actions, simply because he is a cishet white man that they find conventionally attractive

Watching her father get arrested despite being 100% innocent...TWICE

Also being arrested when her father is wrongly convicted a second time, by none other than her abuser

Watching her lover — who besides her parents was the first person in her life who truly loved her and respected her intellect despite being a woman — nearly die in her arms, as well as everyone else in the castle (who ALSO respected her regardless of her gender) nearly die at the same exact time.

...And you know, Stockholm Syndrome or whatever. (But tbh, given how everyone in the castle was very kind and respectful and how the Beast was a tsundere at best, Belle would probably suffer far more from PTSD brought upon by Gaston and her previous environment than from “Stockholm Syndrome” in a castle where everyone actually treated her like a normal fucking human being. Unpopular opinion I know but as a sexual assault survivor this is literally a hill I will die on.)

Jasmine

I’ve actually never watched Aladdin all the way through, so unfortunately I can’t give a full analysis of Jasmine’s conflicts...but I have seen that gif of her saying “I am not a prize to be won” and that just screams “I’ve suffered a lifetime of female objectification and gender inequality despite my social status, and not even in the highest position of authority possible am I allowed to have a voice” and idk about you but that is really fucked up man

Ariel

PTSD from being manipulated by Ursula to give up her voice and nearly losing everything (both her previous life in the ocean and the promise of a new life on land with her love interest) because of it

Near-death experience from *vague hand gesture to whatever the fuck that was at the end of the movie*

Inevitable depression from abandoning the only home she’s ever known (the ocean) and leaving her friends and family behind

She’ll probably also need some form of behavioral therapy to help her adjust to her new home on land, whose culture is still extremely foreign to her — and maybe even additional therapy for social anxiety, given how her first 3 days of human interaction were so mortifyingly embarrassing that she’ll probably be laying wide awake at 3 AM and thinking “oh my god I can’t believe I looked Eric’s parents dead in the eyes and brushed my hair with a dinner fork” for the next 10 years.

Tiana

PTSD from literally being turned into a frog

Overworking herself to the point of near burnout, and being unable to fully live out her prime adult years because of said burnout

Constantly dealing with shitty customers, bosses, and other white-collared people disrespecting her and treating her as subhuman because of her career choice, which is unfortunately a common shared experience among restaurant workers and those who work hourly wages

Since this movie takes place in the United States presumably before the 1960’s, it’s probably safe to assume that Tiana also probably had to deal with segregation, Jim Crow laws, and other forms of racism off-screen on a daily basis, which would obviously take a toll on her mental well-being and further exacerbate the issues mentioned in #3

Grief from losing her dad, which has likely been repressed due to her workaholic tendencies denying her the ability to properly take the time to mourn

I don’t even know what to categorize the whole witch doctor shenanigans as, I just know that she and Naveen are both going to need some SERIOUS therapy after going through all that shit

Rapunzel

Being raised in an emotionally abusive and controlling environment for her entire life

Being completely isolated for 18 years with no social interaction whatsoever with anyone except her own abuser

Existential/identity crisis from discovering that she’s actually a princess, that her “mom” was actually the one who kidnapped her as a baby and tried to cut her hair, and that everything she knew about herself and the world she lived in was essentially a lie to keep her obedient to Gothel

Near-death experience (the drowning scene)

Internalized fear and mistrust in strangers — and quite possibly in people in general — due to Gothel’s lifelong warnings that people in the outside world would only want to take advantage of her

Watching the woman who raised her MERCILESSLY STAB THE ONLY OTHER PERSON SHE EVER KNEW AND LOVED IN THE GODDAMN CHEST

Watching the woman who raised her LITERALLY CRUMBLE TO DUST IN FRONT OF HER VERY EYES

WATCHING FLYNN, THE ONLY OTHER PERSON SHE EVER KNEW AND LOVED BESIDES HER GODDAMN ABUSER, FUCKING DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER before she miraculously healed him

Because Flynn’s revival was such an uncanny revival that not even Rapunzel knew how she did it, she obviously thought he was gone for good...and since Gothel was gone also, there must’ve been at least a split second before she healed Flynn where, for the first time in her entire life, she was completely and utterly alone. That alone deserves to be a bullet point because holy shit

I’m not even going to get into Tangled: the Series man this list is getting too long as it is

Elsa

Losing her parents at a young age

Abandonment and isolation issues (mostly self-inflicted due to her own fear of hurting others, see #3)

Internalized fear and self-doubt of her powers — and, by extension, fear and self-doubt in herself

Guilt from nearly plunging Arendelle into an eternal winter

Guilt from almost losing her sister (twice!) due to her own direct actions

(Coinciding with #3) Guilt from isolating herself from her sister to protect her, only to nearly get her killed by the very thing she was trying to protect her from

Anxiety. Just lots and lots of general anxiety.

(Omitting Frozen 2 for Elsa because I haven’t seen it yet and this list is getting too long)

Anna

Also losing her parents at a young age

Abandonment and isolation issues, but hers are moreso due to Elsa “shutting her out” as a kid and having no one else her age in the castle to interact with

Lack of socialization in general for much of her childhood, as well as any social anxieties/lack of social knowledge and etiquette/etc. that would come with it

Abusive relationship with Hans (I know it was only one day, but holy fuck that was a trainwreck. What Hans did to Anna is a literal breeding ground for PTSD and trauma)

Coming to terms with the fact that the trolls fucking erased her memories of Elsa having ice powers and that Elsa isolated herself to protect her (and not, you know, because she hated her or something)

Leftover guilt from holding a grudge against Elsa for most of her childhood for shutting her out, because NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL HER THAT IT WAS FOR HER OWN GOOD and she never knew why

Basically Anna and Elsa both need joint therapy or family counseling or something because holy shit their parents did NOT handle this situation properly AT ALL

(Also omitting Frozen 2 for Anna because I haven’t seen it and this list is also getting too long)

Moana

Surprisingly, Moana’s movie was relatively tame — in fact, because her tribe returned to voyaging and she is now exploring the seas/following her passion, these events were arguably beneficial to Moana’s mental health rather than detrimental. The only emotional baggage I can really imagine Moana having post-movie is leftover grief from her grandma dying and maybe the stress of having to put up with Maui’s shit

[searchingforproofsthatimwrong]

THE JAMMIEDODGER VIDEO ABOUT JK ROWLING (as recommended by a very polite anon)

so I go point by point after the cut but in short: they should read more feminist theory, they are lying, they are not as coherent as they think they are but they make some points, notably about the rapid onset gender disphoria that’ll need to check in more depth later on.Most of their sources were unfortunatly either on points I already knew or already agreed with.  Also that woman ( the “cis” one not Jammy), should really stop thinking being born a woman is somehow a privilege.

So the video starts by saying three things I agree with :

1)      Biological sex is definitely real

2)      Women’s right and girls’ right need to be protected

3)      JK Rowling is entitled to like support and write whatever she wants

 So far so good. Except it then goes on to say that TRA agree with that. Now maybe most do but at least some don’t. Don’t lie to me, Jammie Dodger.  

They then go on to misrepresent what our problem with “cis” is. Are they going to spend that entire video about trans people at destination of the non educated on that subject without ONCE defining what a trans person is? They are aren’t they ?

“TRANSPEOPLE AGREE THAT BIOLOGICAL SEX EXISTS!!” 

see earlier but given the number of people who are saying “sex is a social construct” and “sex is a spectrum” and “a neovagina is just like a vagina”, you may at least put a “most” in your statement here. Anyway this is not the problem we have, we wouldn’t even discuss this if it weren’t for the brain dead morons who argue with us about it.

“my biological sex -the one I was assigned at birth- was female” 

is Jammie here telling me he knows biology exists but his sex WAS female ? It still IS female. You’re a female. Moreover you cannot say I know biology exists and I was assigned a sex. The entire “assigned sex” is a refutal of biology by implying doctors choose a sex for you. This is stupid.

Strawman. They are saying radfems have no argument against “gender identity is a real thing”. The lies. Gender identity is not a real thing it’s just gender stereotypes and gender is a tool of oppression for women, it’s sexist garbage. I also notice they don’t define gender identity, this is starting to be a pattern, this video is aimed to normies but the only thing they defined so far is terf.

They did 5 fucking minutes on “transpeople know that biological sex exists” I am already exhausted.

Oh my bad they defined “gender identity” as “the gender you know you are”. THANKS A BUNCH THIS IS SO HELPFUL . Define gender please I beg of you.  

“They know they are a man but their bodies don’t match” 

okay so you agree that man and woman are words that depends on your body right? Since it can “match”, they are not gender then ? Nevermind he then says that man is their gender identity. This is not making sense.

Ooooooh the floating head analogy never heard that one before, this is a stupid one because gendies also argue that their gender is innate (unless Jammie here specifically says he doesn’t think that I’ll act as if he agrees with that statement) so the good question would be if you were born as a floating head and never even had a body would you still be a woman? And my answer here as well as plenty of people I suspect is “men and women don’t make sense if we’re born as floating heads what are you on about?”

“transwomen needs women’s right too” 

I know you think that is self evident but I’ll ask what exactly are the women’s right transwomen need. Abortion? Affordable periods product ? The right to have places free of male? oh wait. They are male so they can never have that can they ?

“so feminism also needs to believe in gender identity”

 because if we don’t our feminism is only for females and we exclude males. Notice how they didn’t continue their logic by saying how THIS feminism excludes transmen and nonbinary? Because it does, but guess who actually need the women’s right of abortion for exemple?

“transmen don’t need women’s rights” 

I FUCKING CANNOT YOU STILL NEED IT WTF ARE YOU ON ABOUT. OK I need them to define women’s right asap

“well JK Rowling said she supports trans rights”

 funny how you can understand how those words are not a proof that she in fact does but you still started your video by “we support women’s rights !!!”

“adding [to Harry Potter] content that was LGBT+ friendly” 

she added things that were gay friendly. I don’t remember her adding trans characters.

“transphobic” = saying men can’t become women. Whoah. The hatred.

“the lack of belief [in gender identity] is what she wants protected”

 yes and ? Atheism, the lack of belief in a god, is protected. Gender identity existence only proof is some people saying it does exists, it is not a scientific reality in any way shape or form.

“His biological sex was previously female” 

BUT WE KNOW WHAT BIOLOGICAL SEX IS WE SWEAR; Damn they spend 7 minutes on “transpeople know biological sex exists” and then keep acting like they fucking don’t.

After that they point blank say that gender identity is more important than sex, having someone who passes as an exemple. What about transpeople who don’t pass? How much you bet this will never be discussed in this video.

Anyway they follow that with that : 

Which is true but defining what a woman is does affect women actually (I know weird right)  so it’s completely irrelevant to the discussion here.

“When a large group of transpeople are telling you something is wrong please listen to them”

 please afford women the same courtesy. We are a large group of women saying males are not the fucking authority on what womanhood is but we are told to shut up. Listen.

“we cannot take the behavior of the minority [online abuse] and group it onto the majority” 

I agree with that statement but the majority still didn’t condemn the abuse. Honestly the people in this video did -just before saying HOWEVER but hey – but it is pretty rare to see TRA actually confronting the people who abused JK Rowling online, they cheered them on more than anything.

It is very telling how they spend more time in this video saying people collecting screenshots of the abuse JK Rowling suffered were “not cool” than the TRA giving them a bad name by actually abusing JK Rowling. They even say Jammy was also insulted online so TERF and TRA are as bad as each other right ?? Being called delusional or idiot is not the same as death threats sorry Jammy. (I doubt the “freak” one was from a terf tbh but even then, this is not even comparable) I mean didn’t you get at least one person saying they were going to kill you ? Because I did, and I have ,like, 200 followers. I find very weird that the woman here said “I received sexual assaults threats and this is as a cis woman!” as if women weren’t the primary target of sexual assaults threats. Yeah it’s the misogyny. What’s new.  You really should stop thinking you are somehow priviledged even when you are being sexually threatened ffs. What gender ideology does to a mf.

 “neither of these sides are innocent” 

oh come on, you cannot possibly means that the men who gave you sexual threats were terfs, this is ridiculous, you are just trying to excuse and diminish what people did to JK as per fucking usual.

 “persistent low level harassment” 

it hasn’t stayed low level tho. Stop trying to say you and JK are receiving the same abuse it’s embarrassing.

JK Rowling’s essay having real life effects on policies for exemple has an element of thruth ,even tho we disagree on wether or not this can be a good thing but your are deluding yourself if you think people assaulting transpeople are the sort of people whose views are in any way influenced by feminists. This is laughable. Also please stop with the guilt tripping, we are not responsible of the mental health of transpeople, we are not their therapists, sorry.

I love how they implied that the guy who forced GNC kids to behave as their assigned gender would somehow give a letter of thanks to a feminist. This is implying “terfs” want the same things as this maniac which is just a straight up lie, terfs absolutely adore GNC people and are mostly GNC themselves.

“What rights of women are actually being eroded by the inclusion of transwomen ?” I am glad you asked !! Well apart from the freedom of speech since “terfs” are losing their jobs and being deplatformed because of this, we have the inherent dangers of replacing sex by gender in what the law protects : https://www.aclu.org/blog/speakeasy/firing-mom-because-shes-breastfeeding-sex-discrimination this is a link to a story about a woman who was said being fired for breastfeeding was not sex discrimination because men can lactate. Do you see the problem ? Moreover there is quotas for women in politics etc….Women fought for their quotas and now males can have them, who do you think an employer would prefer someone who probably will be pregnant at one point or someone who never will ? and let’s not forget the right for women to have women only places :Women in prison are raped by the trans identified males in it .

“I cannot think of a single right that is removed from me”

 good for you maybe you should have actually researched radfems talking point before doing this video ? Your ignorance is not a good argument.  

“transwomen can use the women changing room because they are women” 

you keep saying that but apart from “they feel like women” you didn’t explain how they are women. This is the basis of this entire video and you never explained.  Also allowing any person who say they are women into the women’s changing room does not only allow transwomen does it ? It also allows lying freaks.

“You can protect cis women’s rights and transrights simulteanously” HOWWWWWWWWWWW, please tell me how to keep female only spaces (women’s right) while saying TWAW (transrights apparently according to them).

“transwomen can be the victims and cis women can do the voyeurism” 

true but did you forget we actually live in the real world and in that one males are much more likely to be sexually harassing people than women ? It is a brazen form of lying to tell women that since theoretically other women can also be creeps they don’t have to worry about males. Get a grip. Live in the real world for a change.

“It doesn’t reference transwomen but men pretending to be women” 

apart from “they feel it” you still haven’t told us what the difference is. You are aware nothing from an outside perspective distinguishes the two right ??

“there is no evidence of men pretending to be trans to enter female only spaces” and how would you know they are pretending ? This is the same problem again and again, if you define transwomen as men who feel like women then there is absolutely no way of verifying someone really is trans. And that’s a lie anyway since we do actually have proof of that happening?? There was that video making the room on radblr a while ago of a clear male pissing in the women’s bathroom saying (lying) that he was trans.

Yeah actually radical feminists would accept transmen in their bathrooms, but it’s not an easy question with an easy answer to know how to check they really are transmen. Although notice how they are again only talking about transpeople that passes ? I would feel safer with Jammy in my toilets than Hannah Mouncey for exemple :

  That is so obvioulsy a man in a dress.

“ If a transman with a beard and penis and balls can go into a women’s toilet and that is deemed okay because of his biological sex what is to stop a cis man from doing the same”

 I am sorry but are you saying a transwoman cannot have a beard and penis and balls ?????????? This is incredibly transphobic of you, you said that gender identity Is just feeling like a gender, how exactly does that mean transwomen cannot have beard ? If you want to know, radfem are arguing for a third toilet for transpeople, that’s our solution. What is yours ?

 Ok the next part is racist I’ll skip that thanks

On accusation of TERFery intimidating people and organizations “we haven’t seen these” again, your ignorance is not an argument, I am posting these on Tumblr where cryptoterfs arer numerous. Why do you think that is ?

Are they seriously saying Nike and addidas “accepted” transpeople because they “realized it was the right thing to do” ?????? Those companies employs slaves IN WHAT WORLD DO YOU LIVE IN??

“trying to make transpeople look crazy” 

the clownfish things were said online by real transpeople. We don’t need to invent thing to make transpeople look crazy, if there is  large enough group some people belonging in that group will say stupid shit .

“We support these rights”

 when speaking about women victims of abuse. This is a lie, the Vancouver rape shelter relief is often targeted by transactivists, recently a gofundme for it was cancelled because of transactivists, they are quite litteraly stealing money from raped women. This is not a small, inconsequential part of transactivism. 

“The trans-inclusionist views expand the meaning of women to include transwomen”

 It doesn’t expend shit actually since it excludes transmen and non-binary. If anything it reduces it.

They go on to say that transwomen deserves protection as women because of their murder rate. It doesn’t explain how being seen as women will help them here and anyway it’s a bold lie considering their murder rate is actually quite low. They also fail to consider how depriving transmen and nonbinaries of those same women’s right might be a problem.

Again they make the distinction between transwomen and men pretending to be transwomen without a way to identify which is which. This is starting to get repetitive and tedious. The problem is not that all transwomen are predators is that there is no way to see a difference until the predators acts, until a woman gets hurt, so accepting transwomen is accepting predators and saying transwomen feelings are more important that the women being hurt because of this. I disagree. The tiny tiny percentage of transpeople doing bad things is actually the same percentage as men doing bad things. If your argument could be used to say women only spaces shouldn’t exist at all because not all men are dangerous maybe you should reconsider your argument because I will not reconsider women’s right to have female only spaces.

“If you push transwomen out of female only spaces you push transmen in”

 Yes. I don’t even see where the problem is here.  Now why don’t we analyse the fact that if you push transwomen into female only spaces you push transmen out of them ? I don’t think transmen belongs in men’s prisons, do you ?

“Transpeople don’t dispute biology and don’t impact how female only diseases are treated” 

eat shit. They do impact this, every woman trying to say “female biology” get shit thrown at her faster than you can blink, stop lying to me Jammy. Do you think I would get called a bleeder, a fetus carrier, a motherfucking birthing body if transactivism wasn’t trying to erase sex ? Don’t you think the sentence “men can have periods” is not eroding biology ? Fuck off

Back to JK, Jammy is saying her disabling comment on her blog was not conductive to a conversation, I have to salute the straight face he says it with because do you really think a nice educated conversation would have taken place on JK Rowling’s essay ? They flooded her children’s book tag with porn for fuck sake.

“Thre is no explosion in young women who wishes to transition” sources ? Because it does seem to be true :https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jsm.12817

“the detransitionners rate is actually really low” hard to know but most people who transitioned did it not so long ago since transgender is a recent trend, we will have to wait and see to have a more robust number. But maybe they are right on that one, this is not going to be the one argument that changes my views unfortunately. 

“Does that mean we should stop people from getting plastic surgery then ?” 

lol you don’t know the radfem stance on plastic surgery do you ?

“There is more significant transphobia than homophobia” 

sources ? Because transition is used as converstion therapy in Iran so it is at least untrue in one country. 

“If transmen transition to escape womanhood why is there transwomen ?” 

You really didn’t research this did you ? the radfem answer is that transwomen are either gay men who have gender disphoria OR AGP (autogynephiles) read this if you want to learn more about it: https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/the-elephant-in-the-room

“why would people who have male privileges choose to give that up” 

you are assuming they lose their male privileges but I will need sources on that because most transwomen do not pass and are treated more as special men than as women.

“We have already shown you that transphobia is far more rife and damaging than homophobia” 

did I miss that part ? When ? You just said that ? Without backing it up ?

“anti trans narratives constantly contradict itself” 

No we do not, we are feminist so we OF COURSE we analyse men and women differently, this is an issue of gender which radical feminism posit as an hierarchy, trying to explain transwomen and transmen with the same arguments is doomed to fail because they were not equal in their relation to gender to begin with. Do you think black people trying to pass as white do it for the same reasons white people try to have more black features ? Of course not.

“What am I a lesbian or a homophobe ?”

 You are both, you are a lesbian in denial with a deep case of internalized misogyny and homophobia. You know yo can be both sexist and a woman right ? Well it’s the same here.

I heard “Simone de Beauvoir” and I knew they were going to be really fucking stupid with that “One is not born a woman but rather becomes a woman” quote and THERE IT IS! Please read the book. She is not saying male can become women if they try hard enough, she is saying basically the same thing JK Rowling’s quote said which is that “womanhood” as it is forced on women is alien and not natural and the point is that we should not accept it, it’s a feminist quote on femininity and I am so sick of men using it to say that they are women.

Transactivists acting as if sex recognition patterns don’t exists is exhausting so I won’t comment on “nobody checks if you have XX chromosomes before passing you over for a promotion” other than to say : passing over for promotions happens a lot when women are pregnant and after giving birth stop acting as if misogyny is unrelated to our reproduction capacities it is fucking insulting.

“transwomen will support [fights against tampon tax and FGM] too” 

FGM was a bad choice here considering transactivists tried to stop a bill against FGM .  I will need sources here actually since I never seen a transwoman fighting for women’s right in my life.

Ok I let a lot passes here because I’m tired but we are 48:40 in the video and fuck you “intersectional feminism” is not about males. It was for black women. It is not reductionist to say women are people with a vagina, this is just a definition, and one that applies to 50% of the population at that, there is litteraly no definition of woman that includes more people than that.

Imagine thinking “women are people with vagina” is reductionist but not calling women “vulva owners”. Please , I am begging for coherence.

“transwomen who experience greater abuse than cisgender women will ever experience” . 

This is revolting. I don’t have any other words. I am glad this is the end of the video because I would have stopped immediately if this was at the start. What abuse transwomen can experience than ciswomen cannot ? Because I would have thought forced pregnancy was horrific but maybe this doesn’t compare to being misgendered?

“most people are comfortable with transwomen going into women’s bathrooms” https://www.bsa.natcen.ac.uk/media/39147/bsa34_moral_issues_final.pdf

It says 13% of women are at least uncomfortable with sharing bathroom with transwomen, why are we ignoring their wishes? Because 0.1% of the population wants to ?  Whatever, the really interesting thing in this study is that for this question they defined “transwomen” as someone who has gone through all the steps to become a woman aka someone with surgery. I find extremely misleading that this is used for bathroom bills which defines transwomen as male identifying as women. Do you think the numbers would be the same if they specified the transwoman in question still has a penis ? Which is the case for most transwomen btw?

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #233: The Annihilation Gambit!

July, 1983

“Up against... the BARRIER!”

Pretty cool cover!

So here’s the thing. This is a crossover with Fantastic Four. John Byrne even gets a credit for breakdowns and co-plotting.

I’m not going to completely cover the related FF issues but I’ll dip into the relevant parts of them.

For example, let’s discuss Fantastic Four #254 which coincided with the ending of Avengers #232. The thing with the fleeing crowd that didn’t know what they were fleeing and the invisible wall She-Hulk bonked off of? What’s the deal with that?

Allow me to summarize.

The Fantastic Four went off to explore the Negative Zone and had a series of weird and silly adventures. They left Alicia behind to babysit Franklin but Annihilus popped out of the portal and took them captive. This happened back in #251 so he’s had the run of the place for a while!

He’s been making modifications to the Negative Zone Access Portal and adapting the generators. For whatever reason, switching the machine on sends out potent fear waves which causes everyone to flee the area of the Baxter Building. There scene where She-Hulk and Wasp see the fleeing crowd and bonks off an invisible wall repeats.

And that’s all you need to know! Annihilus is messing around, potent fear waves, invisible wall, Avengers!

Now let’s get to the Avengers part of this crossover.

The Avengers issue of Avengers starts with Captain Marvel booking it over New York musing about what an eventful day she’s had as a full-fledged Avenger.

What with having to rescue President Reagan after he was taken hostage by soggy swamp men. Then Eros (Starfox) showed up and insisted on joining. Then Monica, Starfox, and Thor went off to catch Plantman who engineered the presidential hostage thing. All of that in only six hours!

Monica Marvel Rambeau is on her way to the mansion to give her report when she too bonks into something.

Captain Marvel: “It was as if I bounced off some sort of invisible wall! But that doesn’t make sense!”

Yeah, it really doesn’t!

As Monica herself points out, the wall is invisible ie light is going through it. So her light form should be able to go through it too!

Its a very selective invisible wall, apparently. And it gives her a weird ominous feel to touch.

But she’s not going to let sleeping walls lie and decides to try different energy forms to see if anything can get through.

Annnnnnd. Radios, cosmic rays, electricity, infrared, x-rays, and even gamma rays can’t get through. Although, Monica has the feeling that the wall gave a bit under the gamma, but not enough to matter.

Monica detours around the wall and heads back towards her original destination. AVENGERS MANSION!

When Monica arrives, cool team leader Janet the Wasp van Dyne is talking with the police. Obviously the police aren’t equipped to deal with an invisible dome.

At the least, though, Jan uses the NYPD data-link to figure out where the giant dome is centered.

Also, Wasp has another new outfit. This is the same day.

But its pretty snazzy black and purple so I won’t complain.

Monica tells Jan that Big Trouble is brewing and Jan is basically like ‘oh god now what’ but thankfully Monica and Jan are on the same case.

MEANWHILE, Steve Rogers’ modest Brooklyn Heights apartment. Where Steve Rogers is not having a conversation about his feelings with his girlfriend Bernie Rosenthal because his feelings are classified!

Steve Rogers: “In a way. It’s Avengers business!”

I’d mock this but what has Steve bummed and pacing like a caged bear is that Tony Stark, his good pal who he’ll never Civil War with, has quit the Avengers, gave Iron Man up to someone else, and is trying to drink himself to unconsciousness.

Which is very concerning! But also something you can’t really share the full details of without revealing a lot of secrets that aren’t yours to reveal! I feel like you could at least say ‘I think my friend is an alcoholic but won’t accept my help’ without spilling secrets but shrug.

At least Steve is open with Bernie. Yeah, she knows he’s Captain America!

Truly, the man is a role model. Not just as a superhero but also on dating.

Steve gets a BZZZT on his snazzy cool radio wristwatch, possibly the coolest thing to wear on one’s wrist ha ha don’t think about Avengers wearing Apple Watches.

Anyway, Jan updates Steve on the invisible - and expanding - dome. And that weirdly, there doesn’t seem to be anyone trapped inside because everyone ran away from it because its inexplicably spooky.

So Steve rushes off to Save The Day, stripping mid-run because that’s the kind of casualness and comfort you can have in a relationship where you’re open and honest.

See how Steve didn’t have to make up a half-assed excuse? Maybe think about that, Spider-Man. You’re not in this scene but maybe think about it.

Meanwhile again, the Baxter Building.

Where thankfully for people not reading Fantastic Four, we get an echoed scene where Annihilus motive rants at captive audience Alicia Masters.

Basically, Annihilus is feeling very bummed that Blastaar stole his Cosmic Control Rod in Marvel Two-in-One #75. For one thing, it really tied his whole outfit together. For another, without it, Annihilus isn’t immortal and he’s freaking out about dying. And not dying eventually, he’s apparently got Doom-level messed up face now from how he’s degrading.

So really the only real way to come to terms with mortality is to destroy two whole universes so you don’t die alone.

Annihilus broke Reed’s Negative Zone Access Portal and used its power core to power his own impenetrable NULL-FIELD. Which I guess is the invisible dome.

Annihilus: “How wonderfully ironic -- that a device which once produced a gateway between two universes should provide the power to utterly destroy them!”

I’m missing some middle steps here but basically invisible dome -> ??? -> destruction of the Negative Zone and the, uh, Positive Zone.

A MEEP MEEP from a computer which may be a roadrunner gets Annihilus’ attention and he sees to his shock that She-Hulk has planted her feet and is trying to bodily hold the dome back.

It’s not working but its slowing it almost imperceptibly and even that’s supposed to be impossible.

Annihilus: “What manner of creature is this?!”

I’d guess gamma-powered She-Hulk is having a tiny bit of luck against the dome for the same reason that Captain Marvel did when she tried gamma radiation.

Wasp, Captain America, and Captain Marvel show up to help She-Hulk.

She-Hulk tells the other Avengers that the invisible dome keeps “oozing over everything inanimate” but that she(-Hulk) can’t stop it.

Cap suggests using his shield despite the risk of losing it inside the dome.

Because, when Captain America uses his mighty shield, all who oppose his shield must yield. So maybe he’s onto something.

She-Hulk plants the shield in the ground in the path of the dome.

So good news/bad news.

The dome doesn’t swallow up the shield. But the dome just pushes the shield, carving a little furrow in the ground.

That cracks me up a little, I will not lie.

I don’t know why Cap’s super cool shield is exempt from getting schlorped up by the null-field but now they have a good idea where it is without having to bonk!

Speaking of bonk, Thor and Starfox come to join the party and Starfox runs right into the invisible wall.

Hee hee hee.

He also drops right into She-Hulk’s arms and they have a mutual banter moment.

She-Hulk: “Hmm! I’ve never had anyone fall for me like this before!”

Starfox: “I assure you it was totally unplanned... but rarely have I fallen into such open and inviting arms!”

If I recall correctly, they do hook up at one point and then years later She-Hulk beats seven kinds of shit out of him when the question arises of whether his powers influenced her into it.

At least Starfox is receptive and she’s not stalking Ben Grimm.

Anyway, Thor tries his hand at busting the null-field by shooting a bunch of lightning at it. Even though Captain Marvel tells him she already tried electricity.

Thor gotta Thor though.

And when the field stands firm against all the lightning, he gets pissed and hurls his hammer into it.

Mjolnir flies into the field, loses steam, and just pitches gently to Earth.

Bit confusing. I wonder why Cap’s shield can’t go through the dome but Mjolnir can.

BY THE WAY, THEY LEFT CAP’S SHIELD JAMMED AGAINST THE DOME.

They don’t comment on it but you can see it still gouging up the pavement. I guess they’re using it to mark where the dome is?

Amazing.

Anyway, Thor marvels at how Mjolnir left no mark on the invisible barrier and how its not returning to his hand like it should. Clearly there’s some weird property of the barrier interfering with Mjolnir.

Cap points out yeah thats interesting but isn’t there something that happens if you have Mjolnir out of hand for too long?

So Thor runs away and turns into Normal Doctor Donald Blake in an alleyway where nobody can see it happen.

Again: amazing.

Thor is basically out of the story because Normal Doctor Donald Blake can’t do anything to affect the barrier and he can’t get Mjolnir back while its up. So he’s just going to be twiddling his thumbs.

MEANWHILE, at Cross Technological Enterprises.

Hawkeye tries to cajole inventor Jorge to build some contraption for him but the man protests that he designed it in his spare time but if he builds a working model on staff, CTE will own the invention.

Unless someone approves a sub-contractor waiver that will let him keep the rights but who would do such a thing for him??

Hawkeye decides that as head of security he’ll do such a thing. I don’t know if head of security has any kind of sway like that but I imagine that won’t stop Hawkeye from insisting that he does.

Then Hawkeye hears about the Avengers dealing with the dome thing and gets sad that he can’t be out there with them.

Hawkeye: “Blast it, I oughta be out there with the rest of the Avengers! But, as long as my leg’s in a cast, I’m a liability to ‘em... until I prove otherwise!”

Maybe focus on letting your leg heal!

I don’t know what nonsense you’re brewing up and I know that months is forever in comic book time but maybe just take the time and let your leg heal up!

Back over at the Avengers, Cap and Wasp now justify to the others why Thor took off. Claiming that they sent him on a scouting mission. Captain Marvel objects that scouting is her specialty, what with the lightspeed dash, so Cap claims that brute force isn’t helping so its more important to have Captain Marvel’s versatility here.

Leading She-Hulk to snark that brute force not working doesn’t give her a lot to do.

Starfox has become instantly bored with the plot because he’s here for adventure dangit, so he wanders off to go flirt with an EMT.

Because Starfox.

A Quinjet arrives, because Wasp has put her true superpower to work.

The power of NETWORKING!

Aka, she placed a call to Vision and Scarlet Witch and they just showed up to help.

Wasp explains the situation and Vision decides he’s going to intangible through the field.

Vision: “Interesting. It does have an oddly unsettling ‘feel’ to it!”

Then he walks through and instantly collapses face first into the asphalt.

The Avengers’ bumbling attempts to deal with the null field are almost farcical really.

Scarlet Witch is alarmed by her robot husband faceplanting so tries to use her plot-resolving probability powers on the invisible barrier but to no avail.

OH NO HER DOES ANYTHING POWER DID NOTHING!

She bangs on the invisible wall yelling Vision’s name but Cap tells her “that won’t do any good!”

True but c’mon. Her robot husband just collapsed. Have some understanding.

Although I wonder what’s going on here.

The field goes over inanimate objects but doesn’t let Cap’s shield through. Mjolnir and Vision can go through it (although Vision does the intangible) but lose power shortly after entering.

Then again it is called a “null-field.” It probably does whatever it wants.

I’m just wondering whether Vision counts as an inanimate object or not. He’s very animate but he’s not strictly speaking biologically speaking alive.

Meanwhile, in the Baxter Building, Annihilus is laughing up a storm at the Avengers’ silly hijinxes. But mostly in the ‘they thought they could stop me’ sense.

Annihilus: “Lesser beings such as these are helpless before the genius of Annihilus! They do not deserve to live -- just as I do not deserve to die! I curse the fates which have robbed me of my rightful immortality! But even though life slowly ebbs from the dissipated body within my exo-skeletal armor, still shall I be Annihilus... still shall I be He-Who-Annihilates!”

And he pulls the Big Dramatic Lever.

Outside, Starfox is still flirting with the paramedic while she asks whether he should be helping the other Avengers?

Starfox: -squishes her face- “Alas, I am not a full Avenger. I am but a trainee, at the others’ beck and call! If they want me, they will call.”

And then he tries to make out but she’s distracted by the Baxter Building suddenly glowing with an awesome power.

And Starfox freaks out. He freaks out so much that he realizes that now is not the time for making out. That’s how alarming things suddenly are!

Paramedic: “Brighter than the moon... glowing like there’s no tomorrow...”

Starfox: “I fear your choice of words is most apt!”

And then he wanders back on over to the Avengers to tell them how messed up everything is.

Something occurs to me.

The Avengers don’t really have a Smart Guy TM currently. Tony left them in the lurch in that regard. And they tried to recruit Hulk again (apparently in Incredible Hulk #285).

Cap(tain America), Captain Marvel, Wasp, She-Hulk, and Thor are great. But they’re not people who can look at a thing and instantly jump to a correct conclusion about which technobabble will keep things from bad.

I think... Starfox may have become the Smart Guy TM of the team by default because he does have advanced space learning even though I’m pretty sure he napped through advanced space learning science class.

My god, the state of things.

Anyway, Starfox directs the Avengers’ attention over to the Baxter Building. Within the invisible field, there’s a second glowing field. And based on Starfox’s brains, the invisible field is a null-field (yes, that’s true) which cancels out all energy within, except at its focal point. Uh, sure. I think if all energy was cancelled out, we’d see way wilder effects but sure.

The glowing field is positive energy. And when the glow meets the invisible, it will cause the universe to merge with the Negative Zone AND THEN DESTROY THEM BOTH.

See, this is something that’s known on Titan. They just study ways to destroy everything apparently, nbd.

Starfox even mentions that his brother Thanos knows about this but “not even my brother Thanos was mad enough to test it!”

I dunno. I feel like Thanos is exactly mad enough to do that. I also feel like Starfox doesn’t know his brother was well as he thinks. So, yeah.

Hence, they’re all doomed. I mean, unless there was some way to penetrate the null-field BUT WAIT, Starfox says, didn’t Captain Marvel feel the field give slightly under gamma radiation? THEN THERE STILL MAY BE HOPE!

Yeah... Yeah. Starfox is the Avengers’ Smart Guy now. God.

Its like a reverse-Beast. He came to be a smart guy but the Avengers’ had plenty of those so decided to be the fun guy.

Starfox came out just to have a good time and he has to use his space brains to save reality.

(Also, its because of Same Face but Starfox even looks like Reed while he’s transitioning from doomsaying to figuring out the whole thing just by panicking and explaining things)

So after the Avengers do some calculations and preparations, Captain Marvel blasts off into space!

Cap(tain America) estimates that they only have twenty minutes and that a lot can go wrong.

Then a giant shouty bug man appears in the sky to shout.

Annihilus: “PEOPLE OF EARTH -- HEAR NOW THE WORDS OF ANNIHILUS! YOU ARE HELPLESS BEFORE ME! I AM YOUR DEATH!”

“The destruction of all that lives has ever been my goal -- but never have I had the means to kill so many! The time of universal death is at hand! I see among you those who are known as the Avengers... those who you would call heroes! Hah! They cannot save you! They are as helpless as the accursed Fantastic Four!”

“There is no hope for anyone this day! This is the day that Annihilus dies! And as I die, I shall reach out and I shall shake the very foundations of two universes! AND ALL SHALL PERISH WITH ME!”

Not gonna lie.

That’s a damn good villain speech.

You’ve got the villain head in front of an apocalyptic pink sky. You’ve got evil gloating. You’ve even got some dunks thrown at the superheroes because you just know that average civilians will be like ‘the Avengers will save us!’

Pretty good rant, Annihilus.

“Meanwhile, in the vacuum of space, the lightform of Captain Marvel has already flashed beyond the orbit of the moon”

Amazing.

Simply amazing.

Captain Marvel nyooms past the moon and traverses 93-million miles to go to the sun.

Which, even at lightspeed, takes over eight minutes.

A helpful reminder that even the ability to go as fast as light doesn’t necessarily mean you can get everywhere instantly. Cosmic distances are vast.

Captain Marvel nyooms around the sun, so close that even in the form of a light, she can feel the Sun’s gravity.

This is all some great stuff.

Then, Captain Marvel melds with a coherent light beam fired from solar satellite Starcore-One and transforms it and herself into a gamma ray laser beam NYOOMING right at Earth.

Blasting through the null-field just in time to interrupt more of Annihilus’ villain ranting.

Annihilus: “Prepare to make your final accounting, mortals! These are your last wretched moments of... eh?”

And then with a SKRAKATA SKRAKATA BOOM, the null field and positive energy fields are neutralized.

She-Hulk who was casually leaning on an invisible wall FLUMPS to the ground.

Wasp assembles the Avengers still milling about and tells them to move on the Baxter Building since Annihilus might still have tricks up his sleeve.

With the null field gone, the terrified crowds of onlookers are now just confused onlookers and want to get back to what they were doing before they started panicking.

Normal Doctor Donald Blake has to reach through the crowd of legs to grab Mjolnir so he can become Thor and rejoin the Avengers.

Y’know, before someone starts pondering why they haven’t seen him in a while.

Scarlet Witch notices sudden Thor and since everyone else ran off without paying any mind to Vision (geez, what the hell, the Avengers? He’s your good pal chum!) she begs Thor to help.

Scarlet Witch: “Thank heavens, you’ve returned! The Vision was injured somehow by that null-field! I... I can’t find any vital signs! His synthetic body is too different for the paramedics to do anything! Help us! Please -- !”

Thor slings Vision over shoulder exactly like you’d expect a buff Norse god to do and reassures Wanda that they’ll find someone to revive Vision.

At the Baxter Building, the Avengers very courteously go in through the front door because there’s just a lot of defensive systems that may or may not be active. And anyway, Wasp has a key to the special elevator.

Apparently, Wasp is such good friends with Sue Storm that she was given one of those special lasers incorporated into her new costume that opens the elevator doors.

I’ll have to check with my friend who liveblogs Fantastic Four to see if Jan shows up much. Because Sue has shown up a couple times in Avengers to build the idea that she and Wasp are good friends after their cool brunch but I haven’t heard of the reverse.

When the Avengers get to the 34th floor to confront Annihilus, they find that it’s been taken care of off in Fantastic Four.

The caption tells me for the full story to see that issue #256 and for once, I will.

(Interestingly, while Byrne got a co-plotter credit on this Avengers issue, Stern doesn’t get the same in the corresponding FF issue which really suggests who the driving force of the story was.)

Over in FF #256, the FF are stranded in the Negative Zone for reasons but have also noticed the null-field and positive field thing going on. Reed works to limit the effects of the fields merging to only the Baxter Building instead of the whole universe, which will also help the FF return home. He also hopes that someone on the Earth side of things “an Avenger perhaps” is also taking action.

Which, yeah. Captain Marvel’s whole thing where she launched herself at the Baxter Building from the Sun.

While she’s doing that, the thing that Reed is doing starts shorting out the circuity that Annihilus is using.

Then, Captain Marvel’s appearance causes the console Annihilus is working at to explode in his face, destroying his life-support armor.

Annihilus tries to activate the ‘destroy the universe’ thing manually but because of Reed’s machinations, the Fantastic Four get pulled back into the universe and Annihilus gets booted into the Negative Zone.

Its implied that Annihilus dies here but ha ha ha no he’s going to show up again without explaining how he survived. What a dick.

The Fantastic Four pop back into the Baxter building with the colors in their outfits changed because of technobabble. Reed instantly accosts Captain Marvel for being someone he doesn’t recognize but Thing tells him who she is and defuses things.

Thing runs off to take Alicia to the hospital, Sue runs off to look for Franklin, and Reed and Human Torch put out all the fires.

And that’s where the books sync up so back over to Avengers.

The Avengers meet up with the FF and compare notes and Reed starts trying to technobabble explain the change in uniforms when Wanda interrupts and asks someone to help Vision.

Reed examines Vision and comes up with some good news.

Vision is, more or less, okay. When he entered the null-field it drained his energy and disrupted his synapses but there shouldn’t be any permanent damage. The robot coma is Vision basically fixing himself up but Reed could speed up the process and help him recover faster.

And then Sue comes in with an unconscious Franklin.

Everyone drops everything to immediately rush off to the hospital, leaving Wanda and coma-Vision alone.

I mean. Kinda rude. Its entirely fair for Reed and Sue to run off. Its their son. And Johnny flies ahead to alert the emergency ward. But does the situation really need Starfox, Captain America and She-Hulk?

(The FF issue actually shows that Captain Marvel stuck around. She barely knows Wanda and Vision and she’s actually being courteous to them. Geez.)

I’ll give Thor a pass because he can turn into a Perfectly Normal Doctor. But really? Everyone is just leaving Wanda alone? Just like they left Vision just passed out in the street?

The Avengers are being dicks to Vision and Wanda today!

Follow @essential-avengers​ and like and reblog perhaps. Because I wouldn’t leave Vision lying passed out in the street and I haven’t even been his friend for years. Just saying.

[thingsarealotworsethanyouthink]

when i was like 6 i confessed to a priest that i stole food from my parents.

he asked what i meant. what i meant was i lived in a household with such an emphasis on food, fat, restriction, and finishing what’s in front of you that i was not allowed “snacks” i.e. any food,  past a certain time, for fear i wouldn’t “eat my dinner.” i got to the point where i was literally taking BREAD from the kitchen and feeling guilty about it and thinking that is the equivalent to STEALING.

from what i remember, the priest was nice, asked some clarifying questions to make sure my family wasn’t going hungry. 

we were not poor. this was not a matter of making sure there was enough to go around. even at such a young age, i think i would have understood that. 

this was the beginning of an ever constant cycle of being given food as a reward, being withheld it as a punishment, as if it was something i earned instead of something i needed to survive. i went vegetarian for several years and vegan for one, and i’m sure my parents thought it was just to piss them off. no. it was so i would have ANY sort of say over what i ate or when i ate it. and maybe to piss them off.

anyone who has these parents knows it doesn’t go away. like clockwork, my mom will comment on my weight or looks any time i see her, and then immediately thereafter try to make me eat something. some of my only childhood memories are ones like stealing food from the kitchen, my mother telling me i’m too fat to wear something, my mom accusing me of cutting for attention (at the doctor’s office ffs) or even my mom’s friends making comments about my weight.

when i graduated high school, i was 5′7 and 118 lbs. i was *sick*. I didn’t have a hyper restrict ED yet; i don’t even think i knew i had an ED. my mother still called me fat. 

when i came home for the summer after my first year of college, i was 135. i was still fairly thin. my mom and her friends acted as if my weight gain was cancer. “oh no, what happened?” “are you okay?” she has backed off saying things to me personally (probably cause i started asking her how much she weighed and she is heavy and projecting) but she still talks to my sister about it. my sister, who also suffered/suffers from an ED from this bullshit.

and anyone who takes a quick look at my UGWs can see where those come from too.

i’m sorry for anyone reading this who identifies with this story. i’m sorry if you were taught food is a currency you somehow have to earn. i guess we all were, or else we wouldn’t be here.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! I'm a huge fan of your work and deeply enjoying FFS rn, it really shows the love and care you've put into this world and characters and it's an amazing read 🥰🧡

Idk if you've actually answered this question before or if it's a bit too much? So feel free to skip it. Do you have any advice on how to write a therapist and sessions with them? And to go along with that, a therapist&patient relationship that doesn't feel inauthentic but that's a healthy one?

I've had to visit both psychiatrists and psychologists a couple of times along my life, which has almost always been a positive experience to me, but when I get down to business and want to write a character going to therapy, I fall into a bunch of the psychoanalytic clichés US films have hammered us down with, even if I'm not from an Anglophile country!

Thanks a bunch in advance!! Ilu, have a nice start of the year🧡✨

Hiya anon!

I have a few thoughts about writing therapy sessions so I’m just going to put them down in no particular order.

Firstly, I don’t actually think it’s always a good idea to write therapy in stories, and a lot of the time I avoid writing it even when a character is actively seeing a therapist. This is particularly true in The Wind that Cuts the Night where all we see of Alex and his therapist are snippets, and nothing more than that, because therapy sessions would slow down the pacing, focus and value of the story.

Where possible, characters don’t see therapists, but talk to people in a way that is therapeutic, usually with love interests or members of the ensemble cast (Augus and Fenwrel in The Court of Five Thrones, Jack and Eva in The Golden Age that Never Was, Jack and North in From the Darkness We Rise/Into Shadows We Fall, Cullen and Cassandra, Cullen and Bull in Stuck on the Puzzle). All of those characters need therapy, but writing therapy sessions tends to slow down the pace of a fic pretty dramatically, and even I had misgivings about writing Efnisien’s sessions with Dr Gary at first because I’m acutely aware of the fact that:

1. Therapy sessions can be draggy and boring 2. They often take away important emotional realisations from other characters, ruining potential hurt/comfort and character relationship development moments with your actual cast / love interests 3. Fiction is meant to be fiction, not reality. 4. A lot of therapy sessions are actually not that interesting to sit in or write or observe, which is why writers do often find themselves falling into certain cliches while writing them to make them more interesting. Even I cut out huge chunks of sessions to get to the more interesting parts, lol. 5. You can write a character going to therapy without writing the therapy. You can just choose to have the character remember bits and pieces of the session later as it’s relevant to their life. 6. Therapy is different for everyone, and some readers (myself included) don’t enjoy reading it when the therapy is a kind that doesn’t resonate or feel right.

So you really need to ask yourself why you want to write therapy specifically, because a lot of the time it gets boring or - as you point out - falls into cliched territory. Writing a character going to a doctor a lot in detail for regular injections is boring. Writing them thinking about how they have to do this in brief while their love interest is sympathetic to them getting those injections is more interesting. Writing a character suffering from an illness that they need regular injections for, with their love interest comforting them? Interesting.

Falling Falling Stars is a unique fic in that Efnisien has no one before he meets Arden, except for Dr Gary and Gwyn. If you’re writing an FFS style fic, writing therapy sessions might be appropriate. It might be worth really thinking about the kind of fics you want to write, why you want to write therapy, how that will affect your pacing, etc.

If you’re still dead set on writing therapy sessions, then I have some suggestions re: writing more realistic/healthy therapy and how to find that knowledge yourself, and I don’t really know how to shorthand some of it:

1. Get books on therapy that are designed for the therapist. These are often expensive, but sometimes libraries stock them - and university libraries in particular will often have photocopy abilities (or you can just photograph the pages you need) because these books look at how sessions should be structured. Books with case studies are ideal, since they often show dialogue chains between the client and therapist. Books that obviously deal with the mental illnesses you’re planning on writing about are the most ideal.

2. With a view to this, learn about different therapeutic modalities (for example are you trying to write psychology or psychoanalysis or both? Are you writing social work? Are you writing cognitive behavioural therapy, dialectical behavioural therapy, expressive therapies, narrative therapy, transcendental therapy?) Be aware that different modalities have different session structures and learn what they are. Wikipedia is your friend, but your closest friend will be actually acquiring textbooks on the subject. This is a pretty significant financial barrier at times, I’ve been collecting books like this on psychology since like 1997.

3. Learn about your character’s mental instabilities that require them to go to a therapist and then look up the most recommended forms of therapy for your character’s specific issues. Will they suit your character? Why/why not? Will they have a therapist who realises and switches modality if it doesn’t suit? Or will they be lucky and find someone who helps them straight away?

4. All therapy sessions have a structure to them. And therapy often has a narrative arc through the course of therapy over many sessions. They should generally have the attempt at a beginning (greeting / setting up the problem to be discussed), middle (highlighting the source of conflict or inner conflict) and end (helping the client to focus on less stressful things, possible homework assigned, and potentially talking about future work/sessions). Learn this structure. Even if you’re not writing the whole session, you need to know where in the session you’re writing, beginning/middle/end will be different tonally. Structures will be different per therapeutic modality, and a therapist that knows many different modalities (like Dr Gary) will often be using slightly different structures each time depending on the character’s mood/issue.

5. In a healthy therapist/client relationship there will be the ability to discuss boundaries, grievances and the therapist won’t be revealing much about their personal life at all (unless anecdotally it’s super relevant and even then it will be deliberately vague). This is one of those things that will - in many cases - make for more boring sessions on the page, depending on the ‘client.’ For example, if you’re writing someone seeing a therapist for the first time, it might realistically take months or years before they start showing progress or trust. That’s not interesting (there’s a reason ‘therapy fiction’ isn’t a genre), so of course it’s tempting to shortcut into more dramatic moments.

*

I would say if you’re finding yourself leaning towards more cliched or dramatic forms of writing re: therapy, your writing brain may sense that the entire scene/s may not be suited to the story, and is trying to find a way to make them more interesting to yourself and the reader. If that’s not the case, then a lot more research is needed! It’s time to sink many hours into actually understanding what you’re trying to write. This doesn’t matter as much if you’re writing unrealistic or unhealthy therapy, but it’s 100% necessary when you’re trying to write healthier therapy depictions.***

Also a couple of sessions of experience is a start, but you might want to watch or find a way to watch more therapy sessions, because you’ve missed out on experiencing longer arcs, different modalities etc. (This is where my hands on experience with 19 therapists since 1995 is actually really helpful, lmao - I’ve had close to like 800~ sessions by now, with good and bad therapists; I cannot pretend that hasn’t given me a knowledge base that most people don’t share). You can still learn that stuff via research, MedCircle on Youtube is a good place to start, since it offers 30 minute snapshots on what CBT and DBT sessions will look like etc. and has some great playlists.

Most fics I’ve read don’t do a great job of depicting therapy, but the Babes!verse series by @rynfinity has probably some of the most realistic and still really interesting sessions I’ve read as an ongoing arc. The series is long, because it needs to be re: what it’s dealing with, but it’s great, and I definitely recommend looking at another example of how an author tackles these sorts of scenes. Out of the Mouths of Babes / The March of the Damned are the two intertwined series.

I apologise if this sounds discouraging overall, or daunting, but I just want to stress there’s a reason that I’m often not writing therapy in my writing, as anything more than the occasional scene with a non-therapist, or snapshots that are reflected on and that’s it. Falling Falling Stars is the exception to the rule, and unless you’re writing an exception to the rule as well, it’s really worth reflecting on the first six points I wrote - it’ll save you a fuckton of time and research. And if you go ahead with it, I wish you well! :D

*** Also disclaimer: But I still am writing very indulgent therapy that is not beholden to being either a 100% healthy or 100% realistic depiction. The fact is, real therapy sessions are pretty boring for observers except for maybe ten or twenty minutes in the middle at times.

(ETA: It’s just occurred to me that therapy fiction does exist, esp. in the mass media, but that it is - afaik - all unrealistic, dramatised or unhealthy. But if you want to watch a great show - I highly recommend In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne, just by aware that it is depicting, for the most part, unhealthy dynamics which are more character studies than anything).

[docstark]

Ignite (Avengers/Bucky Barnes Fanfiction) Chapter 1 - Everyone Has a Beginning

Hello!

I am going to start off with a little sidenote before we get started here. I started this as a side blog so it is not my usual writings (I usually write kpop ff) but I have been feeling the Marvel writing vibes lately so thought that I would put myself out there with what I've had in my google docs so please be kind.

Also, I appreciate constructive critisism, it helps me write and mold my characters/ideas and I also just love hearing what you think. I'm a bit rusty right now with my writing and there may be times where things aren't consistant with updates cause I'm getting back into school soon, but here we go!

Sincerly, Doctor Stark

Oh, I almost forgot...

If you have seen SHIELD you know who AIDA is but in this story she is the equialent of FRIDAY.

Also you'll see that my OC has the same power as Quake/Daisy Johnson because I was like "WHAT POWER COULD MY CHARACTER POSSIBLY HAVE?!"

N/N = Nickname

Warnings: None...some language?

"AIDA, if anyone calls please just send it to voicemail...I really don't want to hear from the New York Times for the...." I stopped as I set my keys on my kitchen island, "AIDA?"

"Doctor Stark, it seems that my security protocols have been over run," AIDA finally replied, "I tried contacting you but it seems that he has also managed to cut into my communications."

By now I had noticed the figure that was sitting on my couch and I cautiously approached my living room like I was entering the room with a wild animal.

"Should I try to see if I can get through to Mr. Stark," AIDA questioned.

"No," I said as I finally made eye contact with the man on the couch, "He came all this way instead of fleaing the country immediatly...he has questions. You won't hurt me, will you Bucky?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me back up for a moment and introduce myself, my name is Y/F/N M.I. Stark aka N/N Stark better known as Doctor Stark. For the longest time I was just Howard Stark’s genius daughter who people barely remembered existed. I rather liked it that way though, while Tony spent his time in California soaking up the sun, partying, sleeping around, getting kidnapped for 3 months, doing some work on the side, and now becoming Iron Man (have no idea how Pepper does it)...I spend my time in New York between working at Stark Tower and doing some side consulting in DC and some...other business that takes place during my consulting. But other than that, I tend to stay in the shadows. Well, I used to be able to stay in the shadows. Then of course Tony decided that be would become Iron Man and I become someone that everyone had questions for but they weren’t going to get answers from.

Currently I live in New York just outside the city which has its perks; I have a decent sized house customized for my own needs, a yard, a pool, a fence (iron with perimeter security), a gate for my driveway, and neighbors that I can chat with.

You know, feel normal even if it’s just for 5 minutes.

Downfall is the commute. But since I am one of the owners of the company, being a little late isn’t that big of a deal for me unless I had something planned.

Now, even though Tony was Iron Man I couldn’t blame him completely for all the calls I get now. Now after the powers that I now have had been seen during the whole drone fiasco at Stark Expo. And that is something that should really be explained...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ever heard of an Agent Peggy Carter? She’s a wonderful woman and a close family friend, so close in fact that growing up I started to call her Aunt Peggy; after my parents died and Tony just about completely separated himself from the fact that he had a little sister who was 15 and in college, I could always count on Aunt Peggy when I needed someone to talk to. But as we know, a good Agent keeps her secrets and only reveals them when the time is right.

By the time I turned 21 I had completed my PhD in biomedical engineering and electrical and computer science as well as a doctorate in biochemistry (7 years of college and sleepless nights, taking more classes than I probably should have, but I did it). At the time I was just getting myself acquainted to my new office space at Stark Tower (during that time I only occupied the 80th floor) and my research and projects at a slow pace.

“Don’t feel like you have to run,” Tony said only half paying attention to me, “Start slow, you know Stark Industries just as well as anyone, you’ll be running the tower before you know it.”

I had to admit that he was right; I had been in Stark Tower thousands of times it seemed but this was new for me. But then Aunt Peggy came along and gave me that extra push that I needed.

She had said she had an office warming gift for me; what I wasn’t expecting was the almost 30 boxes of old files, some dating as far back as 1939.

“Your father was a great man, a fool at times, but a great man,” she started, “Throughout his career as both the founder Stark Industries and of SHIELD, meticulously hid his files and personal work in different places. He once told me and Edwin Jarvis the location of all the information and who to give it to should something ever happen to him.”

“Shouldn’t this be going to Tony then?” I questioned, “If this is his work then-“

She held up her hand and I stopped, letting her continue. “I remember one very particular evening when your parents had invited me out for dinner. You had just gone off to college...his little girl.”

I snorted trying to imagine my father gushing over his kids like any regular dad would and in my head it just wasn’t happening.

“He didn’t show a lot of emotion because he wanted you two to be able to face the world as it is...but for him it was hard seeing his little girl off to college even earlier than most dads would. But we did have a conversation that leads to the elephant...or should I say boxes in the room,” she said as she walked over towards them, “He said that both his children were born protégées, both were born to carry on what he had started. However, while they both possess the talents to change the world, one is more so the leader and the other the backbone.”

She opened the box in front of her that had a large ‘(Your Initials)’ written on the front of it. “He said, First born or not, had he not felt like Tony had the potential to lead, you would have become the head of Stark Industries,” she said, pulling a book from the box and holding it out to me, “Your father believed that you are the backbone to the very company that you stand in today, which is why I am now giving you these, just as he asked...keep them safe.”

And in Aunt Peggy style she left me to soak in the information that she had just told me, and to move the boxes to a room that only I could get into. I spent every waking moment going through the boxes, sorting them, trying to find what had gone wrong to make him tuck certain things away.

I found some items that I wondered why he even kept. Was it a reminder not to mess with it? A way for someone to know what to do should they see one? I didn’t know but it was staying under lock and key, that was for sure.

The book that Aunt Peggy had given me was essentially a journal, maybe even a diary, whatever you want to call it, it held the detail of things that had gone wrong, things that had gone right, and the one that she had given me wasn’t the only one. In the same box with my initials were more journals, just like the rest and there were almost 3 exclusively for Project Rebirth…

I don’t know how long I went through the boxes labeled ‘Project Rebirth’. The story of Steve Rogers, of Captain America was regular bedtime story for me.

My mother once said I should stop asking him for Captain America stories and at 5 years old it was the first time I had really seen my father get defensive about anything.

“If she wants to hear those stories then I will tell them, Maria,” he said.

But reading how long he searched the frigid waters, hoping for a signal to find his friend, I now know the look I saw behind my father’s eyes...sadness and grief.

For a time I stepped away from my file room, my workload getting heavy, ideas that my father thought of being brought to life but in a new and better way. As my projects expanded, my need for space grew, and to everyone’s surprise I now took up 5 floors in just five years, and with lab assistants and AIDA to help with the calls, I got a chance to finally step back into my file room.

I had barely touched the files over the last 5 years, but what I can say is that there was one box that I was avoiding. It was a wooden box, nothing intricate about it. It almost reminded me of my mother’s old jewelry box, a gift passed down in her family. But this box was odd. There was no mention of it in any of the journals, no note, nothing.

So I had to take my life into my own hands at that point and I carefully opened the box. When I opened it I gave a sigh of relief. Carefully cradled in the box was a vile of purple liquid, and of course, now that I have gotten past a close call with a heart attack, I found a note...taped to the inside of the lid.

“Out of the many things that I have come across in my time...blah blah blah speech about his accolades...while Dr. Abraham Erskine created the Super Soldier Serum for Project Rebirth, it was not the only serum that he created. The Terrigenesis Serum was created to react with the body’s own DNA and essentially bring forward any supernatural abilities that might be laying dormant within someone, should they have them.”

I stopped and ran my hand through my hair. They didn’t know when to stop, did they?

“Should you find this one of 2 things can be done; hide it or take it to SHIELD and only if they know what A21K609S means, are they to know about what you have….I suggest you start with the top.”

For the longest time I hid the Terrigenesis Serum, we didn’t need someone with superpowers who might be unhinged, running around.

But after I had started consulting with SHIELD for a few years and when Tony got kidnapped...my emotions got the better of me.

And I went to Fury…

He knew what the code meant, he questioned me over and over again telling me that there was a chance that I could die.

“IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOMEONE DO IT I'LL DO IT MYSELF!” I remember screeching at him.

I was taken to a lab and strapped down on the bed, since no one knew how the serum would affect me, on the screen of one of the computers I saw that Fury had pulled up the old file that SHIELD had on the serum.

I remember seeing Natasha up in the observation room looking down at me. By then we had become friends and by the look on her face I could tell that she did not approve of this.

But it was too late now…

The purple liquid traveled into my body, making me feel like every vein and artery was being shredded as it circulated. I couldn’t even tell if I was screaming, I knew my mouth was open but I could hear nothing.

I felt hands on me as the lab assistants and doctor who had been permitted in the room tried to push me back flat on the bed but there was this loud bass like noise and the hands were gone and everything went black.

When I woke up a few hours later the only person in the room with me was Fury.

“What’s this thing around me?” I asked looking purple, glowing substance around me.

Fury took a pen and threw it at the substance and it bounced back. “Some sort of shield that surrounded you after the serum took hold in your body...I suggest you try and figure out how to make it go away.”

Closing my eyes I tried to tell the shield that I was fine, I was safe, and that it could come back to me. It took a good hour but I figured it out and finally Fury was able to undo the straps that were holding me down to the table.

“So what? I’m some sort of human shield?” I questioned as a lab assistant came into the room and cautiously lifted the head of the bed up so that I could sit up. I finally got a good look at the room; equipment was knock over and strewn around the room, there was broken glass in the observation windows, and there were cracks in the walls. I gulped upon seeing this. “Did I do all this?”

“Vibration manipulation,” he replied, “Congrats Doc, you created a small earthquake right here in this lab. Not to mention you scared the hell out of the SHIELD science division when they got blasted back from that force field. But either way...looks like we have some work to do.”

TO BE CONTINUED...

Next Chapter>>

[unsettledink]

long vent about mental health care frustrations below the cut

I've been trying to get to a pysch to get my meds changed since I moved here a year ago. After several tries, the last one basically being like 'fill out all this paperwork first and then we'll talk about possible appointments', and all the paperwork was like 17 pages long and wanted all this insurance information that I didn't understand. I tried for a few days and then gave up, because that's real easy to do when you have mental issues you NEED TO SEE SOMEONE FOR OMG.

Waited four months. Went to the doctor for something else and mentioned that I'd gotten nowhere. They said they could set me up with some sort of patient advocate that could help with it. !! I let myself get hopeful.

Of course it's only by phone. That's not good. I miss the first call, and then... panic and don't answer the second. Partly because I just don't answer my number for unknown calls, but I knew they were going to call me. I spend the next week and a half spiraling every day about 'ok I'm going to make that call now!'. Spoiler: I did not.

Finally make the call... and get voicemail. HAHA. Spend the whole day anxious and checking my phone every five seconds. No call. They call today, during work, and just...

The problem for me is not finding a place. It's not going to appts, it's not figuring out what I need. The problem is phone calls and filling out paperwork. Those are the things I need help with. Those are things I apparently can't get help with.

They recommended a place, for therapy – look, I told them, I'm not going to be able to afford therapy beyond the intake, I need a pych for meds. Do they do that because a lot don't. They tell me the place will send me paperwork after I call them. Great, so I have to call them (nightmare), fill out paperwork (ahhhhh) and then call them again (NOPE). So that's... probably three months down the road.

I feel hopeless, but I made myself say, hey, the paperwork is where I broke down last time. It was so many pages and I couldn't answer things and I gave up. They say this place doesn't have terrible paperwork, but if there's a problem call them back (hahahaha...) I already feel pretty defeated because I wasn't given any 'help' that was what I needed or asked for, just the exact things I could actually do for myself.

Fine. Fine, I go check the site. It looks... familiar. What's that? Is it the last place I tried with the paperwork issue? Why yes it is. Oh no, I exaggerated for effect, their intake isn't 17 pages, it's 13. SO much better.

I have options:

1) I can attempt to struggle through the paperwork again, call the insurance company and stay on hold for an hour and not get any answers, and then call for an appointment a month later because phones.

2) I can call (FFS) the 'advocate' back and tell them, the paperwork you clearly think is super easy is causing me to meltdown, because I am the most pathetic person on earth. Expose myself as even more of a disaster and probably still not get help because they can't/won't provide what I need.

3) give up.

One guess what's most likely to happen.

So that's why I spent twenty minutes crying on my lunch break today. If anyone was under some illusion that I am a person with things together. I barely manage human half the time.

[misssophiachase]

For @klaroline-events​ KC Bingo - “Flower Shop” On FF and AO3

Who says the customer is always right? 

You Don’t Bring Me Flowers

“She told me I never give her flowers,” he huffed. “How was I supposed to know that was a thing?”

“Who would have thought that giving someone flowers was a thing,” she shot back wryly. “You’re really asking the owner of this type of establishment that question?”

“You know what I mean,” he insisted. “I can’t do anything right hence my impromptu trip to what is, I’m sure, a very fine establishment.”

“Well, you’re here, so that’s a start,” she murmured. “And as much as I’d love to discuss the merits of giving flowers versus not giving them, it’s sort of busy in here right now so...”

“Oh of course, my apologies,” he replied, shelling over a wad of notes for his purchase. 

“How about a card?”

“Why do I need a card? It’s not like she won’t know who they’re from, right?” 

Caroline had to resist the urge not to roll her eyes at a customer. If this guy was her boyfriend she’d have dumped him by now. Who was she kidding? She never would have gone out with him in the first place. 

Yes, maybe he was kind of attractive with those untamed, blonde locks, short stubble that demanded to be touched and lips the colour of her favourite primrose. But he clearly had no idea about how to be a decent human being. 

Call her traditional but Caroline loved flowers and the generous act of giving them, hence why she started her own business five years earlier. 

Wild at Heart wasn’t big compared to some shops but what it lacked in size it made up for in its artistic bouquets as well as its warm ambience from the freshly baked, pumpkin scones in the adjoining cafe to her friendly staff. Well, except when Katherine was in a bad mood or hung over.

“A card is an accompaniment to the flowers and allows you to properly convey your message.”

“There’s definitely a message I’d like to convey but not sure it is very card friendly, if you know what I mean?”

Caroline was incredibly curious at his response and had to bite her tongue from responding. The obvious question being why he was buying flowers in the first place? But she could see the long line up of impatient customers behind him and knew they wouldn’t appreciate her views on the matter.

“If that’s the case, I think it’s best we just stick with the flowers.” 

Caroline wondered about his choice of flowers too. Most men, who had no idea about flowers, went straight for the roses. Beautiful, yes, but they were a safe option. Mister Sunshine, however, had chosen the namesake at the heart of her shop.

It was a combination of wildflowers. A mixture of Lavender, Daisies, Forget Me Nots and Queen Anne’s Lace to name a few. Although they were her absolute favourites, it was usually the last bouquet to sell in a day. Given it was only 9:09 am this was a first.

“No, I think you might have a point. So, what do you suggest I write?” She could hear the impatient groans from the people behind. 

“Look, here’s a card that says To and From,” she gestured to the plainest gift tag they had in the shop. One she only really kept on hand for situations like this. “All you need to do is insert names, easy right? Then you won’t feel the need to share opinions which might negate the positive act of giving flowers in the first place.”

A slight smile tugged at the edges of his mouth and Caroline was struggling not to reciprocate but then she remembered he was an ass. 

Before he could reply, she pushed that and the flowers towards him trying to ignore the way those crimson lips curved into a knowing smile followed by a flash of not just one dimple but two. 

“Next, please?”

27 hours later

Klaus had been standing outside the shop for a good fifteen minutes. He was debating whether or not to go inside. 

He looked down at the flowers he’d purchased yesterday, surprisingly still in relatively good condition given the way she’d thrown them at him. 

That would teach him to buy her flowers.  

Most people would take the rejection and either re-gift the flowers or throw them in the trash, Klaus, however, thought they were too beautiful for that and decided recycling was probably the best course of action. 

It had absolutely nothing to do with the beautiful, sarcastic blonde who’d sold them to him. Well, that’s what he kept telling himself.  

“Let me guess, you couldn’t help yourself and gave her the non card friendly version?” 

He turned slightly to his left, noticing the familiar blonde watering the flower pots outside the shop. He thought she looked stunning yesterday in a blue sweater, the colour of which he’d committed to memory, but today her jeans and white t-shirt combination was distracting him even more so. 

“Excuse me?”

“I couldn’t help but notice that my flowers are firmly grasped in your hand,” she noted. “If you’re looking for a refund I’m afraid...”

“Uh, no, of course not,” he stumbled. “I actually thought you might like them back.”

“I’m assuming they didn’t go down too well with...”

“Rebekah.”

“I’d apologise but given the way you were speaking yesterday I don’t really blame her for thinking you’re probably a bit of an ass.”

“Oh really? Is this how you usually talk to your customers, love?”

“Well, you’ve already paid for the flowers so I figure I’m safe.”

“You think you know me?”

“I know your type.”

“Wow, I’m a type,” he replied. “Please, tell me all about it.” 

“You did something wrong and you think buying this Rebekah flowers is going to fix everything. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work like that.”

“What do you think I did?” Klaus was beginning to get a complex and had no idea that a stranger, albeit a beautiful one, could make him feel so guilty. 

“Something bad if you’ve still got those flowers,” she murmured, her blue eyes gazing into his intently. “Maybe Rebekah wants more than flowers, did you ever think of that?”

“How about you?”

“How about me what?”

“If I gave you these flowers, would you like them?”

“I think that’s beside the point and extremely insensitive to poor Rebekah,” she scoffed. “I think I’m starting to realise her issues with you now.”

“Rebekah is my sister.”

“Yeah sure and that guy over there is my husband.” Klaus felt his chest constrict, not realising just how disappointed he was to hear that.  

When he’d made the trip, Klaus was secretly hoping she’d agree to go out with him. He knew he hadn’t made the best first impression but he truly felt like there was something between them. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, love,” he murmured. 

“Hang on, Rebekah really is your sister?”

“Unfortunately and you’re married, so it’s probably best I take my flowers and go.”

“What exactly did you do to your sister, you know besides not giving her flowers enough?”

“Her husband is in the Army and currently stationed in The Middle East. She’s heavily pregnant and incredibly moody and apparently I haven’t lavished enough attention on her. In my defence, she’s been like this since we were children but she’s one hundred times worse now.”

“Well, that I wasn’t expecting.” 

“I’ve taken her to every doctor’s appointment even though she complained about my supposed lack of driving skills and I’ve made plenty of late night trips to the store to buy the most disgusting combinations of foods to fulfil her voracious appetite. Then I thought flowers might help but apparently they weren’t to her taste.”

“Wow, you’ve been needing to get that off your chest for a while, huh?”

“You have no idea. I love her but she drives me crazy,” he chuckled. “I’m sorry to download on you, I should really let you get back to work.”

“I’m curious, why did you pick those flowers?” He looked down at them noting the diverse array of colours and shapes. He’d found himself immediately drawn to them in the shop but not exactly sure why at the time. 

“My sister, as it turns out, wanted roses, hence the tantrum. I suppose I thought these were understated, but at the same time wild and unexpected in a really beautiful way.”

“They grow not far from here actually,” she shared. “I usually go out and pick them a couple of times a week if you wanted to come with me?” 

Was she asking him out? Klaus couldn’t believe it, his initial disappointment a distant memory. 

“Your husband won’t mind?” She gave him a wicked smile, a slight blush crossing her creamy cheeks. 

“I won’t tell him if you don’t tell Rebekah,” she teased. 

When they married three years later, the bridal party carried wildflowers Caroline had picked herself. Rebekah’s daughter Florence was the flower girl and Klaus promised in his vows to always write a card to accompany his flowers even if she knew they were from him.