#i never do this style. semi-realism + painting??? who am i???????

[reineydraws]

mishanks lotr au wip inspired by the march of the fellowship by divinesleep_24 on ao3 :) it's slow burn zolu + established mishanks! this piece is based on screenshots from the aragorn/arwen wedding ✨️✨️

[bloobydabloob]

Any tips on getting better at realism? I've been drawing very cartoony works forever but I really want to branch out and draw more realistically and hone that style but Everytime I try it never feels human 😔

Suuuure. Sorry it’s fairly long, answer under the split thing.

I’d say mainly just practice drawing from reference first. Before I started doing any sort of more abstractive or non referential realism, I spent time practicing with maybe 20 or 30 paintings from reference.

Here are just some that I made during that time. I think they really really helped me to learn the principles of painting appealing realism, different kinds of people, color, skin, lighting, and anatomy.

In terms of actually drawing realism (whether from reference or not) I think the most important tip I can give, as well as the most overlooked ironally, is stylisation. Most realism that I see doesn’t connect at all with me which I think is maybe what you’re talking about when you say your portraiture doesn’t “feel human”.

Learning to draw realism in my eyes is largely about learning how to shortcut every single thing you can. So instead of drawing everything exactly how it is using an image, learn how to stylise realism in your own way. I find that if you don’t find a way to simplify the process, it can end up being A : Busy and B : hard for you to create more realistic images from imagination or from real life instead of photographs.

Here is a 40 minute drawing I just drew from a random photo I pulled off Pinterest + small explanation on what helps me to break down an image. I simplify realistic portraiture by adopting somewhat of an angular style, but the best realism / semi realism artists I know of draw realism using their own stylisation methods.

I also personally find that it helps to start by blocking in instead of sketching with lines, but I understand that this is a personal preference and might not work for you.

I also say this for everything but there is no “cheating” in art and anyone who tells you there is fundamentally doesn’t know anything about drawing, especially in the learning process. Cheat if you want. Use grids to plot where things will be, colorpick, trace, liquify, transform, whatever. Although I do also recommend that you only use this as a way to learn and don’t rely on it as a crutch, it helps a lot to be able to draw independently of all of these factors. But I learned to draw partially *by* being a kid who traced and colorpicked and fucked around. Who cares

This applies to everything too but just practice a lot. I’m too embarrassed to show but when I first starting drawing semi realistic art without reference it fucking sucked. Like *really* fucking sucked because I am extremely extremely faceblind and I mean that. It takes me 3 seasons of a show to recognise an actor’s face. But because I’ve drawn hundreds of faces now I know what I’m doing kind of. I also never post any realism art immediately because oftentimes if I don’t look at it for a day or two, I’ll come back to it and notice that something doesn’t look quite right. I would say that definitely helps.

ALSO very important but look at it from far away or a little version. I always look at my drawing in the digital navigator on FA and it helps me to notice when something looks dumb.

Anyways hope this helped at all… lalala. I don’t know man. Don’t take my words as bible I’m just some guy and I am also not a professional and realism is definitely not my strong suit. Tutorials are bullshit and if you think any of this advice sucks for you then don’t take it and forge your own path. Bless

[kingisuu]

my art struggles :)

i have been struggling with art as of like december i think?

Let me tell you like, around last year i was rll happy drawing, like i would just draw pictures i thought looked good without giving much thought to my process and at that time i just thought i would improve over time. After like a while, i thought that i needed to change things up because i was tired of how my pieces looked.

After draining dry my friends for advice and critiques, i decided to search up on youtube. Up to that point, i only really followed art tutorials that my friends gave me and nothing else. But then i discovered a lot of art youtubers like Ethan Becker or Samdoesarts, basically the current youtube art stars. I really liked their content and i learned a lot by them. But thats where like my problem started appearing.

Like i undestand those videos are very helpful for people who are completely clueless about drawing, but those videos pressured me a lot. They were making pointers like using references ( i didnt even know what a reference was ), thinking about the silluette, separating the body in specific shapes and all around adding more and more rules to something i thought i had somewhat started to figure out. I’m not in any way saying these tips aren’t important, but like after knowing these things, all i could do was find those mistakes in my artwork.

So what i did, was that i worked on everything at once and tried to implement everything into my art style. Long story short, it didn’t work at all and it resulted in me not being able to finish any piece i created, because i just didnt have any attatchment to it. Every sketch i made felt like miles away from the previous one and together with school and my desire to want a consistent art style, i kinda broke down for a while. At these times most people would take a break from art and thats what i did, believing that what i had was art block. In reality, the breaks i took didnt work and i kept drawing the same and still judging it very harshly.

Just a heads up, i didn’t just take advice from just 1 or 2 youtubers, i took from like 6 , everyone with a drastically different art style, which didn’t blend in with the previous one. I was thinking of the silluette of a character while at the same time wanting to do realistic shading to make it look more 3D, as well trying to implement as many colors as possible, and the cherry on top is that i started to paint, which meant i had to do so much rendering to the point that the piece looked completely different from the sketch and not good at all. Im not saying what i was aiming for was impossible, but i am saying that it was difficult for me.

To be honest, i still don’t think i can give up my harsh judgement to my art. Even when i just sit and draw out of my head i never like the piece and think its not good enough. It feels like im doing too stylized work and that it will seem like i haven’t improved at all from like my early days of digital art, where the pieces were horrible. Saying that, i have tried finding an in between with semi-realism, but i didnt like that either.

Its safe to say that the critique system on my art has been destroyed and i don’t know what is right for me or what is wrong. I have thought about giving it up, but to be honest when i sit down and look at art works, it just makes me want to draw even more, so yeah it seems like im not going anywhere lol.

This is already a very long post but idc, here’s also a persona drawing without using any references. Anyways, what i wanted to say and i will see how this develops from here

[tendermiasma]

i’m not even into overwatch anymore but i just wanted to say I ADORE your art style and hope to develop my own into a similar semi-realism leaning...have you made a post about your art journey? I’m assuming I just need to buckle down and do anatomy studies but any tips are very welcome!! Ty for your time <3

Oh man thank you! I’ve never made a comprehensive post about how I got to *gestures* whatever this point in my art this is, and I definitely sat here wondering what “art journey” means for me since I always feel like I’m stumbling around so I’ll answer as completely as I can. But a great way to develop a realism-minded eye is to draw from photos and life. Everyone in the world has said it over and over but it really gets it done, it’s not any more complicated than that. It’s how I started when I was little and it’s not something I planned, but the Legolas posters were right there so how could I not? Your own non-realism “stylistic” touch will bubble up whether you want it to or not and that’s a beautiful thing. It’s not something you need to look for because it happens on its own, whether it’s you seeing something another artist is doing that you like and assimilating it into your work, or it’s your own unique way that you absorb information from the world and use it to solve problems in the drawing in front of you. Some new artists also still have the idea that using references is cheating-- I’m not blaming them, sometimes this weird thing is circulated by more established people as well-- but this is a very small minority. Please use references. I’d be lost without them. The Castlevania team has a giant collection of references for faces of every character from every angle, props, etc. and I always have a second screen up with 10 different sheets of whoever I’m drawing. Feeding yourself info is essential to getting better. Look at how other artists handle something you’re having a problem with too. If they’re doing a similar pose or something, study their drawing and ask yourself what specifically, extremely technically about that drawing is convincing-- what marks are where, and what is the quality or direction of the strokes? Try it out on your own drawing. If you’re stuck, become aware of if you’re holding on too tightly to what you think something should look like. I have to remind myself this as well. Really try to let go of the idea you have in your head about how something works and simply try instead to draw what you see, even if it feels weird. The results are often pleasantly surprising. 

I have a funny relationship with studies. You seem to be looking at them like a chore and I feel the same way. It’s impossible for me to sit down and just draw something over and over, disconnected from emotion or a larger narrative. I think a wonderful way to “study” is to incorporate those studies into a project that you wanted to do anyway. I’ve used my minicomics to get better at background painting or specific figure poses that I needed for the story but wasn’t sure how to do. I’m a very “oops I need it now better learn TODAY” kind of artist, if that suits you better than buckling down and doing anatomy studies for hours. Both are great ways to improve, but you have options for how to get there. 

In terms of how much time I spend drawing.. well lol it’s a lot. I almost typed “but I don’t do it every day” but yes, my jobs have made sure that I do (I tend to separate personal drawing and job drawing). But the truth is, to get better, a lot of very focused drawing time is important; how much of it is up to you and your schedule. You can sit down for 6 hours and doodle or you can sit down for 3 with an extremely critical eye. It’s about the volume of time as well as focus and I don’t have a clear answer for it, but I can point to one specific year in my life where I made artistic progress like I’ve never seen from myself since. I drew a comic with regular updates during that time and, looking back, the art was not good. But the point was, I was drawing for 7 hours a day after work, at least 5 days a week, and actively looking to draw things that I hadn’t done before or knew that I wasn’t good at, and the result was that every single update was almost like it was drawn by a different person-- readers noticed and commented on the progress as well. It was very much an art bootcamp and I wouldn’t have the skills I do at this point if I hadn’t done it. It’s important that you’re loving what you do if you do it for yourself! That’s how you get through big projects and continue to be excited with where you are. Love is one of the most important motivators and discipline-keepers in art, in my experience. Draw what sets your brain on fire and attack it wholeheartedly even if it’s really weird or niche, not what you think you should be drawing, and you’ll improve a million times faster.

Art journey in terms of what I’ve done with my life (if this is what you meant from the beginning I’M SORRY I’m just trying everything you might have meant) uhhh I haven’t been to art school. I have no idea what my relationship with art would be like now if I’d had any formal training and I don’t really dwell on it. I could either be a testament to being able to get by without it or an example of someone who has no idea what she’s doing at all and lacks many basic foundational art skills. I have an architecture degree. I love architecture, I love the language of space we build for ourselves, and I’m truly, deeply glad for that eye-opening and often grueling experience, but I think my current field is a much better fit. Before animation I worked as a graphic designer mainly drawing storyboards for commercials and internal-industry stuff-- lots and lots of quick colored sketches (one of our main clients was a big glass company and my god I never thought I’d draw so much glass in my life). I was able to do that job due to the skills I developed through personal work. Maybe I’d be a hundred times more powerful if I went to art school! Maybe I’d be completely burned out and bitter and not drawing anymore at all! I just don’t know. I have friends who have had both experiences. Whether you choose art school or not it’s best to keep tabs on if the art you’re currently making brings you joy. Joy and struggle aren’t mutually exclusive. Oftentimes I’m drawing something I care deeply about but it’s VERY FUCKING HARD and I’m frustrated but it’s worth it.

I also do everything while being very scared of the thing. I have a lot of deep-seated anxiety that I’m constantly trying to root out and my brain compulsively twists things around into why I can’t do something, why people secretly know I’m below-par and are just too nice to tell me, how I’m “tricking” people into thinking I’m better than I am, etc. It’s so bad that my first thought when I was initially offered the art test for my current job was to say no; not because I didn’t want it so badly it hurt, but because I thought I’d be too much of a disappointment.  After completing the test I spent an hour figuring out the most gracious way to apologize for not being enough. It’s common, but not something to accept and we’re all working on it. I just thought it was important to mention because art is also a mental journey and forces you to do all this navel-gazey shit in order to advance, and feeling like you are Not Enough is rife in the creative community. The work feels entangled with my value as a person because art is a massive part of my life. Something I’m learning is that I don’t have to be confident or sure of myself all the time. This ensures that the process is usually painful and frightening. Often there’s no way to make it less painful or frightening, and I just have to hold my breath and do it. An oddly comforting thing to me the past couple years is to remind myself that the scary thing I’m about to do won’t be the scariest thing I’ll ever do. I implies both that this isn’t the pinnacle of my progress and also that I will inevitably get over it. If you continue with art you’re going to run into things like this and I guess if it was me it would’ve been helpful to know I’m not alone in it.

I hope that maybe answered some of your questions, maybe? If you have some specific questions feel free and I’ll try my best. Hope you have a good day/night!

[daily-rayless]

20 Years of Art

2000

(OC / Celes from Final Fantasy 6 / OC / OC)

The influence of Final Fantasy 6, off of the Anthology collection, and Yoshitaka Amano caused a significant shift in my art, leading my human figures to be very slender, graceful, and frequently pale. Most of it was of women, some of it was of horses, and by then I was very self-consciously starting to draw men. I mostly worked in pencils and colored pencils. Faces were oval with high hairlines and long, sharp, narrow noses. Also note my evident fear of mouth-seams and lower eyelids. I was pretty terrible at coloring, often feeling that coloring one of my sketches ruined all the nice linework.

2001

(Quistis from Final Fantasy 8 / Rosa from Final Fantasy 4? / Schala from Chrono Trigger / Dark Knight OC from Final Fantasy 4)

This is where more anime influences came in, and I consciously took on a semi-anime, semi-realistic (in my own mind) style. My ideal of beauty was overbig eyes, overlong nose, and oversmall mouth, and I stuck to it pretty relentlessly. Trying to figure out shadows and face structure. Still bad at coloring. I was incredibly proud of that charcoal picture. Was also going through my mandatory Dark 'n Edgy phase, with a big helping of Phantom of the Opera, Sarah Brightman, and my attempts at designing supercool clothes, many of which I wouldn't have actually worn, even given the opportunity.

2002

(Me trying to recreate “Flaming June” / OC, who incidentally looks almost exactly like Sarah Brightman and whose diadem was bodily lifted from a Jodi Lee painting / angsty symbolic wet chain lady / OC)

Deep in the Dark 'n Edgy. Faces are still very heavily made-up, with big lashes, defined upper eyelids, and dark lips. Trying very hard to be a good artist though, have high expectations for the future. I was so proud of that final pose and worked so hard on it. Lined paper? So not a problem. Besides, how else am I supposed to draw during class? A sketchbook would've been even more obvious than the incredibly obvious I already was. I'm able to listen while drawing pretty reliably, and I did manage to take detailed notes while doodling, so at least I had that going for me.

2003

(Celes / OC / OC / Hermes-inspired wing lady)

I was focusing (at least some of the time) on backgrounds and trying to make my work detailed and polished. Coloring is still hopeless. Often when I colored, I would go super light, even when I was using dark or intense colors. It would give my pictures a sort of faint, half-assed hazy look. I remember an art teacher urging me to use more color, but I probably resisted because I knew that way lay total destruction. I'm sorry, well-meaning art teacher. You are unversed in the ways of my pencils. I have killed too many sketches to take those kinds of risks.

2004

(Rosa? / Meliara from Crown Duel / willow-dress lady / Geddoe and Queen from Suikoden 3)

See the Meliara picture? That's supposed to be a night scene in a forest. Front-lit by blazing firelight. I was too afraid to make the colors darker. This is dark enough, okay? Anyway, this year, along with being utterly obsessed with Suikoden 3 and Crown Duel, I was letting my art head in a more realistic direction...

2005

(OC / Queen / Queen / part of Zetta and Salome from Makai Kingdom; I remember deliberately copying those swoopy Ss from one of my friends’ handwriting. Wishes ended up being the first longform fanfic I posted online.)

...that really flourished this year. It's not actually realism, but I made a point to give my characters, especially the women, more realistic bodies. Faces are very round in this period, often with soft features. Noses are prominent. I'm also, finally, using more vibrant colors. I probably got my first Prismacolor pencils around this time. I also got some really cheap markers, but had no idea how to use them so mostly stuck to pencils.

2006

(All OCs)

I look back on this as a good year. I was learning better coloring techniques. (Bold colors! Press that pencil down! Okay, I still had much to learn.) I got an Elfwood gallery while the site was doing its slow mosey into oblivion. But that was an important step, not just looking at other people's art online, but putting my own up as well. There were downsides though. I began to feel more insecure – or maybe more realistic? – about my art, on this site with so many highly talented artists. Still, 2006 is a good year. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot.

2007

(vampire and hunter / Fleur from Harry Potter / OC / Avril from Wild Arms 5)

The year of Fleur Delacour. This is when I was writing Kindred. I think it was because I was trying to depict Fleur as distinctly non-human that my art shifted away from that more realistic style. Fleur, and my other figures, became very tall and slender. The anime DNA is still there though. For a long time, I felt the lying-down picture of Fleur was my best work.

2008

(Revya and Gig from Soul Nomad / my attempts at being “abstract” / OC / OC)

This was the year of Soul Nomad and, towards the end, Tales of the Abyss. Unsurprisingly, the anime influences start moving back to the fore. The eyes are becoming larger again, the features a bit more angular and stylized, mouths are shrinking. I'm still desperately trying to figure out markers and wondering why it's so darn hard (I don't try to educate myself, I just flail), but I was proud of that blue OC picture. It made me feel like I was getting somewhere. 2008 is when I started my deviantART gallery, right when everyone else was moving on to Tumblr.

2009

(teacup lady / Persona 4 noir-style comic / Revya / OC)

Then Persona 4 hit. Shigenori Soejima was a huge influence in this period, especially in eyes and faces. Pupils, chins, and jawlines shrink, eyelashes are sparse and stylized, noses are simplified. 2008 and 2009 are about as pure anime as I've ever gotten. Meanwhile, I'm really exited about my dA gallery and trying lots of different combinations of media. I'm super active on dA and FFN at this point, writing Elysion and then a slew of shorter Persona fics.

2010

(Minako from Persona 3: Portable / concept-art-version Minako / lady with dragon ferret thing / other lady with dragon ferret thing)

I'm still drawing with a lot of Soejima influences. Additionally, bodies are becoming even longer, taller, thinner, and bendier. Some of them look absurd to me now. On the other hand, a lot of pictures from this period have a nice elegance to them. I was still using colored pencils a fair bit, but more clumsy markers are showing up. Persona 3: Portable came out, and this is when I was writing Death and Ker.

2011

(mask lady / hat lady / Archaya, Duphaston, and Iryth from Eternal Poison / symbolic autumn lady and her winter baby)

Midway through this year, I hit a breakthrough when I got my first set of Copics – and skin tones, no less. Even though I was still flailing, I was so thrilled with my results. That Eternal Poison picture left me enormously proud, as did the mother and child one. My style hasn't changed all that much, but it's starting to feel less extreme. The focus on big eyes and tiny little mouths remains.

2012

(Elza from Suikoden 2 / Daryl and Setzer from Final Fantasy 6 / Killey and Lorelai from Suikoden 2 / Lyssa, Greek goddess of madness)

This is the year of Elza. Lots of delicate sketches of this lovely scarred lady, and lots of colored pictures too. I've definitely shifted away from pencils towards markers. The Daryl and Setzer one was an attempt to use both, and I was very happy with it. These pictures show their age, but there's still a lot here I like. Mouths are larger too. However, my online activity was starting to lag.

2013

(Rydia from Final Fantasy 4 / Nia from Infinite Space / the prophet and Schala / Argos and Io from Greek mythology)

The mid-2010s weren't entirely great for me, marked with a lot of frustration and discontent. And that definitely carried over to my art, making me feel very disappointed with myself. There was lots of marker work this year. Probably the standout picture is Argos and Io. This is also when I played through all three routes of Fate/Extra, and my art was suddenly full of Hakuno and Emiya.

2014

(Minako / butterfly lady / Marta and Tenebrae from Tales of Symphonia 2 / Elza)

Looking at it now, this was a good year. Lots of nice marker art. The butterfly one was a big step up for me in terms of coloring. The Marta and Tenebrae has a really cool stylized look to it. But I was becoming less enthusiastic about sharing my art with others. I started to post less and less.

2015

(evil Hakuno and Emiya from the Fate series / Mitsuru from Persona 3 / half moon cookie lady / Hakuno)

I barely posted anything this year, though I was still drawing a ton. As far as making strides, this is one of my better years. Coloring will never be my strong suit, but it's a lot more fun, and it looks a lot better. It's almost entirely marker-work at this point. Despite my, er, angst, a lot of people are smiling this year.

2016

(OC / doodle lady / Luna from Roman mythology / hair bow lady)

At this point, it's feeling too recent for me to really see what's changed. I did a fair bit of eraserless work. One problem I still have – and, yes, it involves coloring my pictures – is losing some of the image's personality after I've inked it and erased the initial pencil work. The picture's still there, but not as nuanced as it originally was. The results often feel stiff to me. Doing the first linework in ink, or not inking at all, allows me to keep that sensitive, spontaneous quality. Luna and the bow and doodle ladies were done without erasers. Another thing I did a lot this year was fill backgrounds with busy shapes and colors, which is a trend I’m still following today.

2017

(flapper and dog / Alcyone and Ceyx from Greek mythology / flower hair lady / Kida from Atlantis)

Not a good year. Not that the art is bad, there just isn't a lot of it, and what there is often isn't very finished. I was still mostly dark online, wondering if I should take down my dA gallery. Drawing and knowing I wasn't going to post something took off some of the pressure of my own expectations, but I was still unhappy.

2018

(Altera from the Fate series / Elizabeth Bathory from the Fate series / OC / Aranea from Final Fantasy 15)

This was a really important year for me. I wrote a novel I'm really proud of, and it's done a lot to give me confidence and a sense of creative direction. I also decided that after New Years, I was going to start a Tumblr gallery...just as everyone who was still on the site was jumping off of it. Much of my 2018 work is still sketchy and unfinished, but I also think it's loosening up some. It feels less stiff than the stuff from the middle of the decade.

2019

(Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn / medievaly lady / Red from Transistor / Red)

The year of Supergiant Games, which led me to focus more on bright saturated colors. It's really hard for me to analyze these objectively. Coloring is better? I worked more on details? I used my metallic gel pens a ton and did shape-cluttered backgrounds? These aren't new things, but I think they paid off okay. I'm more at peace with my level of ability, I've finished more complicated works, and I crawled out of my den and started posting regularly online again. So that's all good. Curious to see what the art looks like in twenty more years.

[watercolourferns]

Whenever someone tries to judge your entire illustration career based off one illustration they chose to see regardless how much you told them you had way more examples that they could see aside from a warm up sketch of a character you were drawing for the first or second time remember this post. The first one is  warm up sketch of Julian, it was the second sketch I made of him. I still hadn’t gotten the grasp of his facial structure. The last one is the newest Julian illustration I made. I still am getting the structure of his face, but you can see the progress.  I had a potential client, friend of my fiancee, ask me for a “rounded style”, told me my style was too angular because she saw the first Julian sketch on my Ko-fi cover, and refused to see the rest of my work. The examples she showed me were just as angular as Julian’s face, not rounded at all. Then she ghosted me. My fiancee showed me today a tumblr-vague-posting-style post her friend made, saying that she was still looking for an illustrator because the others were either irresponsible of had an angular style that looked like they barely knew how to draw. I took it very personal because she actually refused to see the rest of my work, which includes styles like she showed me. My fiancee told her about a couple of artists that could help her find something she liked and that they, like me, studied at an art school. And that if she had concrete examples of styles she liked She showed my fiancee a couple of examples that were NOTHING like she showed me before: one was an anime style girl with a full round face. Like, her whole head was a circle but her body was regular anime style body. That’s not “rounded pretty features”, that’s FULL ON CIRCULAR CHIBI FACE.

And the other was a digital painting of an asian girl, which this girl called “realism” when in fact is semi-realism. It’s a style similar to Masakazu Katsura’s early work’s covers but without the dark lineart. It’s a very popular style.  I’m not gonna post the images due to respect to the original artists, but yeah, I think you get the idea.  These were styles she never showed me, she never really described anything else than “round and pretty”. And then turned and made that post. I was very angry for hours, Bunny realised that I was so she gave me space, and then slowly I started to calm down and realise something: BUNNY’S FRIEND IS A STRANGER TO ME, AND SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT ART. Going to Italy and reading books about art doesn’t make you an artist. Books say one thing, but sometimes it turns out that that thing is useless and you need to create or learn a new thing to make your art... It’s great if you study, but practice is what makes you learn more than reading, there’s a reason more than half the subjects in art school are workshops. The saying PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT IS TRUE AND REAL AND VALID AND PROVEN!

So what she’s a potential client? So what she will give me money for my art? There’s a reason she came looking for me and other artists: SHE DOESN’T KNOW “HOW TO ART”. I do, we do, so her judgement isn’t as important as people try to make us believe it is... clients or no clients. One thing is say “I don’t like your style”, these opinions are valid. What’s not valid? Judge someone’s entire art career on one single illustration one didn’t like and say the artist barely knows how to draw... It’s not like she’s an art critic (for which, yes, people need to go to school to be as well... most art critics are or were artists themselves). And just because she likes one art critic (Avelina Lesper, savage woman who is very very educated) it doesn’t make her an art critic herself. And even art critics can be ignorant and judge incorrectly because there’s a ton of personal taste that comes in play when critiquing art. Where am I getting to? DON’T LET SOME STRANGER’S JUDGEMENT, CLIENT OR NOT, MAKE YOU FEEL DOWN OR ANGRY FOR A LONG TIME.  It’s normal to feel bad about it, but remember that that person doesn’t know you, doesn’t know your career, doesn’t know if you’re just starting on that style, or that character, or if it’s a warm-up sketch, or something else like your mind wasn’t in the right place there, you were sick, etc.  People like to judge, specially people who have low self-esteem and need to make themselves feel better. I’m not saying this girl is a bad person, but she has issues, and she lets those issues cloud her rational mind and in turn she turns rude and judgemental.  So if someone tells you “Your art sucks!” remember this post for two reasons: 1) Nobody, least of all strangers who know nothing about art and specially YOUR art, should make you feel bad for your art style. Even if they are clients, it doesn’t matter. You’re the one who knows about art and about your style, so don’t let anyone make you feel bad. 2) That anyone includes you because you must remember that the more you practice the better you will get and just because one sketch turned out shitty doesn’t mean your whole art is shitty, it just means that one sketch didn’t turn the way you wanted. Specially if it’s a warm-up sketch. And sorry for the rant, I needed to get it our of the my system. XD 

[tabetha-illustrates]

Project 2

Story and language lives within the collective unconscious. 

In our minds eye we can weave a story unseen to the world until we pour upon open page, or to speak those machinations   a loud for those in earshot to hear.

Upon this theme I think of macro and micro story and language.

Macro, mythology, common tales, a song, a religion, beloved classic books. langauges as they adapted in culture, the evolution of language, a speech given to a crowd ( I am a student advocate so I have spoke to crowds many times. I am reminded of the mixed emotions I felt as I poured my mind and heart to group of hundreds. ) popular songs. 

Micro: Conversations , a personal story, a song you sing to only those closest to you, dreams. 

There are many ways in which one can communicate, but to translate that into art I must first examine my own body of work. 

I make comics for fun. As a child interested in art I made many that spanned thousands of pages. I believed my future would be as a visual story teller. Which is not exactly how I proceeded with life. 

Onward I proceeded to tell stories in a different way. 

I begun art projects called Animatics. ( which are essentially story boards that tell a story to the setting of a song. Like a comic that’s  words are the lyrics of a song. Usually very fast and messy work that is raw and emotional in nature. Combining both the song with visual aides allows them to transcend the sum of their parts.  It is messy, It is raw, and it is in my case, very personal. )

Now as an adult I find it so much harder to provide work to the public that is a story of my own, an  emotional response that is my own. Not that the art isnt made, it simply never leaves my room. That may or may not change, it may hinge on this class who knows. 

I work primarily in Macro, Big ideas, Big emotions. Sweeping across a vast multitude  of people so that for a moment we all can share that same feeling. To ache with it, to sway to its inevitable and simple season. Gods and monsters, love, apathy, hate. But a very common denominator has been death. 

As follows are my ideas

1. “ seduction is a well witted banker” or alternatively “ The story of season”

Form & content: This piece will depict a story that is well known. The story of Persephone and Hades, particularly Persephone's decent into the underworld to become the bride  of its king. This myth is well loved, a story many of us know. I will have the innocent and young goddess of spring walking further from the sunlit garden she’d spent her childhood in, descending into the underworld. Her lover awaiting her impatiently at the bottom of that decent a contrast of bright and dull. He himself older, put together, well dressed, and she casual and carefree, young. I am uncertain if I want to modernize them yet or not. At this juncture the piece lives as a rotating composition. the upper lefthand belonging to Persephone, the lower right hand side belonging to Hades. 

Process: 

The piece will be between 11 x 14 inches or much larger.   I will bring in sample sizes when we go to talk about these things in class. 

Watercolor is my main painting choice, but I may opt to do this painting dark to light in acrylics. I will bring in samples to class. I want to feign a sense of transparency in the souls of the dead reaching towards the light. stylistically I was thinking something not quite literal but not quite abstract either. 

Materials:

Watercolor

acrylic

 canvas. 

mount

frame

2. “ Savage gardens in babylon” or alternatively  “ the queen city escape” 

Form & content: This projects concept is to take poetry and marry it to illustration. A chronicle of personal and playful expenditure. the point is to tell a story that others can connect to, to invite the viewer to see themselves in the simple illustration and relate with my words. To create a garden that exists for 5 minutes or more and have a open dialogue with themselves. to hear my story and to relate it to their own coming of age. 

Process:

This project would ultimately be a video I assemble. The frames of the video would be hand drawn illustrations put in and processed over a voice narrating a poem I wrote. It would quite literally tell a story that ultimately I hope most people could connect with. I want to build a loose body of work to go with my very tight one as well. So I believe I would allow the art to move and flow with this project as well. 

Materials: 

video monitor

charcoal

Drawing paper

Microphone

video editing software. 

“ A pain that turns the innards cold, that is where we are in this place where you are living, but already  knowing you will never grow old. “

3.” to be young and daring “

Form and content: 

I was approached by a client to recreate a scene for him from a film he was working on. He was interviewing people and came across a scene he wanted to include in the film he was making but there was no visuals to go with this project so he contacted me about animating the scene. I have accepted.  The content will be recounting a night from before I was ever born. I will recreate a bands performance and the lead singers daring during said performance. It is a funny story, and will be recounted verbally in the interview that the scene was originally told to them. 

Process: 

A interviews audio will play as my semi realism in rough  “ take on me” music video styling illustrations gives the story to you visually. The lines will be stark and inky against the background, the content bold.  

Materials: 

the interview audio

pen

ink

graphite

drawing paper

That concludes my project ideas for story and language. I had so many ideas when it came to this project, but these were the ones that gave me the most traction. I feel I could take any of these and run with it. I will have to post my sketches later as my notebook that they were in is not in my possession currently. 

[aphelyons]

My Creative Year in Review 2018

stolen from but also requested by inspired by @drstrangewillseeyounow​

Preface: This will be a bit of a mashup of two things; art and writing. But I’ll be clear. This is also a long post, I’m very sorry. Apparently I don’t shut up.

Total number of creations? (Or a rough guess!)

Art - Finished; 221 (not all published) Art - WIPS; 25 Writing - Published; 4 Writing - WIPS; 9 ?

Was there a project that you didn’t get around to?

In terms of starting or finishing? Lol. I didn’t get around to publishing the first chapter of the MU fic, which I desperately still want to before S2 starts. Because I keep writing all the middle bits instead. Nor did I get around to start writing the “winter fic” beyond plot points and a few little scenes.

There’s a looooooooooooooot of art I didn’t get around to either starting properly or finishing. Lol. I have a L’Rell piece I really want to do, as  well as [another] mirror Stamets piece I want to do.

What was the creation you had the most fun making?

Art: Oh that’s hard. A lot of things for a lot of different reasons. I enjoyed the Holiday artworks because they were….really out of my depth and fun. Mostly I loved sending them out on cards to friends.

More recently I had a lot of fun doing the Patroclus and Achilles piece. Loved using golden hues.

Also have a lot of fun with Not Safe for Work-Viewing pieces, but those will never be published here. :D Sorry.

Writing: I had a surprising amount of fun writing the Vampire AU fic [Just a Taste] for Halloween. Which I never expected to write anything vampiric, ever, and also it came together really quickly. Building the world in that short fic was a lot of fun.

Any surprises? (E.g. a character or ship you never thought you’d create for or a project that came out of nowhere?)

Well honestly this whole revival to art and writing came as a surprise, I hadn’t done either in many years. I was also never a Star Trek fan prior to Disco, nor have I ever been a part of a fandom before. This is my first! So that was surprising, also surprising was how massively obsessed I became and how important it became to me. But the best surprise out of all of that is the connections to people I’ve made and the friendships that have come from that. ily. <3 Also not going to lie, pretty surprised that suddenly my art has become mega-fuckin-colourful. Where did this love of neon come from??? Wtf

What was the hardest creation to make?

Writing; MU fic - hands down. I have pages and pages and pages of resources. Not only is it going to be a long story (I endeavour and hope) but also from the amount of which I am pulling from and want to align to canon as as best I can as well. Being a new fan to Trek also... it’s been pretty overwhelming to get these details right. But at the same time, really trying to flesh out a character we never met or saw in the show, and have them interact with the established canon and have that all make sense… That and have the science in it make as much sense as possible, I’ve based a few new things on scientific principles and things that exist and just trying to elevate them to a cosmic scale… and hope I can pull that off too. It’s pretty intimidating. Not going into it, but the way the story weaves and intersects with a few different genres.. I just want to have it make sense in it’s self contained body of work.

Yeah it’s hard. Lol. Biggest thing I’ve ever tried to do. But, I love it, truly. I think about this whole project an inhumane amount of times every day, and I love that. 

It’s also hard because I’d love to be a linear writer, but I am not. At all. I’m constantly writing ahead, well and truly ahead, but then coming back, adding to and editing earlier bits and rewriting and rewriting….rewriting… ugh

The subjects and themes are also a little heavy, and it’s cathartic to write about, sure, but also wanting to do those moments justice and with respect and integrity - because that’s important to me too.

The whole thing is just a lot of fuckin work, lol. But I really love it. Already - and it’s nowhere near done.

Art; Probably the one where Paul is laying down [crying] in the spore chamber. It was my first return to trying to paint semi-realism, and... it didn’t work out. I’m not happy with it anymore, but also proud that I pulled it off. That pose? Hair? HAND? UGH those took me too long to get right. But, overall it certainly taught me a lot to use on future more realism-ish pieces such as the Cosmic/Celestial pics of Hugh and Paul [which I love.]

What inspired you the most this year?

Oh, easy. Discovery. Hugh and Paul, hands down both of those things. But also to the endlessly talented people who I’ve come to know and also enjoy the works of - be it written, art, or otherwise. Creativity inspires creativity. 

What are you most proud of? (A creation, something you learned, etc)

Art: The Cosmic/Celestial pieces. Very proud of those. (So much so I made metal prints of them and they sit on my bookshelf between a salt lamp.) I really love how they came out, and really the original (Cosmic Paul) was kind of an accident, a happy accident if you will.  

Also the piece of Anthony I did for Anthony’s birthday. That was a lot of fun constructing something visually representative of a person.

Any goals/plans/ideas for next year?

Fucking get some headway on my MU fic so I can stop being so annoying by just talking about it, and fucking start publishing it already -  for then it then it would EXIST in the word. LOL. Ugh. That’s the only big plan, that’s all I want to do. Whatever art I will do - I will just find inspiration in the moment to do. No plans, other than the L’Rell piece and a couple other WIPs - maybe.  

Honestly just that and trying to keep improving, both in writing and in drawing. I feel like I’ve improved over this past year, so would love to just continue on that trajectory.

Pick your favourite creations! (Post links and tell us why you love them!)

The Cosmic and Celestial Series I just love how these turned out, especially because it was such a surprise how it turned out originally. But being able portray this cosmic divinity of which I uphold them both to be in my mind was really awesome to pull off. The colours, and dramatic light, this whole thing was so fucking fun. The whole painting with colours as highlights / shadows / dual light source was a huge experiment for me and it taught me a huge amount, so I really love it for many reasons.

The Song of Achilles  I started sketching this while I was listening to the audio book and while I fell in love with these two. Please, again, do go read this book. But the detailing on the spear, the auras and Achilles hair were my favourite bits. Oh and the gold blood. Of course, lol. Loved doing the symbolic imagery 

Anthony Rapp’s Birthday Portrait  Because this man means a whole lot to me, and it was nice really nice for a change of pace to try and depict him and things that are important to him. Also really proud of that shoe, ngl. & And MU Stamets and his Mycelium Sun

Huge experiment in terms of colour and lighting for me, and I love love love how it turned out. Even if it’s a little rough. This one was so much fun, and I also printed this out on metal actually lol. Looks pretty cool.  & First MU Culmets Work Still in my heart, even though it’s a earlier work, because it was the first exploitation of this duo for me, and how they might be together. Also where I came up with the HC for his facial scar, which I always will include in any MU Hugh depiction of mine. But I still really like how their characterisation translates in this one.

Writing

Nomenclature.  

The archaeology AU story I wrote for 30MinuteLoop. Also well, this is the only one that’s safe for viewing that’s published, lol, but I am genuinely really proud of this and seeing it through to completion. 

But also the MU story is a fave, but this is the only published section so far:

MU Snippet (These next couple of questions are directly from @drstrangewillseeyounow​ sorry I’ll be so literal in their structure, lmao)

How you decide on which style to use for individual pieces?

Unless it’s something very specific in mind (like the holiday pieces) I just kind of let it take a life of its own. See what it evolves into. I might have one idea to where I want it to go before I export it to PS, but once in PS it might take a whole new life (prime example if the original Cosmic/Celestial Paul. The original was very flat, and pretty boring lol but really became something else in PS. Actually it was supposed to be originally a visual piece to accompany my Vampire fic - and Vampire Hugh picture. But that changed entirely once I got it into PS.)

(It’s hard to see but there’s a bite mark on the original side.)

I'd also know more about your literal process, as in: what's your hardware set-up, what software do you use?

I have a weird all over the place set up. Lol.

So I do the majority of the work on my iPad, up until a stage where I don’t think I can go any further with it (or need more than 6 layers at my disposal) and then export it to my PC (either work or home) and then work on it further in Photoshop. Of which it then gains infinite amount of layers, lmao. Oh god.

As for the file on the iPad, when I’m working on that I can only have 6 layers. So usually will do sketch/line-work on one (or two, if I have to work a problematic bit but then merge it with the rest) and same with the colour/painting. That’s always on one layer, which I’ve grown to really like working like that. I might do skin on one, then clothes on another, but eventually will merge them.  If it’s a full paint (or even half paint maybe), the colour and line layer will eventually be merged as I erase the lines I no longer need as I go and blend that layer more seamlessly into the painted layer. It just ending up a purely painted file without the original lines. Another layer may be added for more delicate details such as eyelashes and eyebrows, things like that.

Everything I do once exported to Photoshop is just with a mouse, I have a Wacom tablet… But I don’t use it, because I haven’t been bothered calibrating it with my dual monitor setup, and am happy doing most of the work on the iPad anyway as it kinda acts like a Cintiq in that regard. But localised. (Plus I can take it anywhere with me, interstate, overseas, to work, to the park, etc. I love that mobility.) Depending if I need a certain element that’s vector based, I’ll make it in Corel Draw or Illustrator, too. I also have Corel painter....buuuuuuuuut still haven’t used it. That’s a goal for 2019 for sure, lmao. Very occasionally I will physically sketch out the idea (like the holiday pieces) scan, and rework, redraw, line it, or whatever in the iPad then go forth with all of the above processes. 

How long does it usually take you from start to finish?

Art: How long a piece takes really varies lol. Sketches can be between 1 - 4 hours on average, sometimes more. Flat colours will be a couple hours more. Half paints usually 4-8 more hours. Full paints and more realism stuff like the Cosmic/Celestial is total of 18hours+ but those times are just a rough idea, sometimes something just works out a lot quicker. Sometimes longer. 

Writing: FOR FUYCKING EVER. I’m the slowest writer ever.

Do you have art WIPs and what do you think keeps you from finishing them?

I have a lot of art WIPs lol I think just losing drive or inspiration to finish them is what mainly kills them, or me getting frustrated that it isn’t working out like I wanted. Sometimes I just forget they exist.

Probably same goes for writing, too. Lol. Also it could be that I’ll dream up the entire (or mostly) of the story, but then getting it onto the page is hard. I want to work at getting better at that.

Do you do any non-fanart, too?

Sure. Although not often anymore, I’m honestly just inhumanly obsessed with Hugh and Paul.. Even when I start a project that isn’t centric to either or both of them… Often it will kind of morph into them. oops. 

I want to say yes to fic too...but That’s a project I haven’t worked on in fucking years and years, so I doubt that really counts anymore.

//end

Wow I am so sorry that was me just rambling on. Anyway, cool. Hi to anyone who made it this far.   I’ll also parrot the line of: Everyone who created/posted art, fic, gif-sets, vids, cosplay, etc., consider yourself tagged if you’d like to be. I’m curious! (I’m fucking serious, P L E A S E   D O.) 

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | Q&A with SABRINA BOSCO

We absolutely love the super surrealistic and symbolic works of New York based artist Sabrina Bosco. Sabrina’s watercolored worlds are filled with symbols and meanings, inspired by Nature, the colorful and psychedelic works fo Heinz Edelmann, tattoo art, and music. We find out more about Sabrina’s awesome art, her art school tip, and what she’s got coming up for the rest of the year! Make the leap. 

Photographs courtesy of the artist and Julie Bosco

Can you tell us a little about yourself and what you do? Hello! My name is Sabrina Bosco, I’m 23 years old and live in New York. I love to create! These days mostly I am watercolor painting, but I also love to write poetry and stitch and sometimes oil paint. And I’m hoping to become a tattoo artist!

How would you describe your works to someone? I would describe it as super symbolic, semi-tattoo style surrealism art that reflects the world inside my mind. There’s symbolism in all the lines, colors, images, shaped, atc. and there’s no wrong way to interpret it. I have my own personal meanings for everything I draw, but whatever people take from it is also completely true.

Was drawing a hobby turned career? or something you knew from the start? It was a hobby turned career. I drew a lot as a kid and a little bit in high school, but never took it super seriously. It was more like a painting every couple of months. I didn’t really have a plan when I graduated from college, so I went into panic mode to find what I’d be doing with my life and decided I was going to become a geologist since I loved to be outside. I even bought textbooks and researched about it for hours. 

Then I had this existential crisis type thing where it really hit me I have one life to live and my geology plan was completely ridiculous and unrealistic for me. That’s when I really jumped into painting, and since then my art has been this continuation of me figuring out my mind and my life. At first my goal was botanical art, and I thought I could make illustrations for books or something. For me, that was way too limiting, and I naturally started adding new elements and turning everything into symbolism. So, although it began as a hobby, it had a goal of becoming a career while also not existing solely to become a career. 

I’m lucky it’s heading towards a career path.

Who were some of your early influences? My biggest influence is the illustrator for The Beatles Yellow Submarine art, Heinz Edelmann. His psychedelic colorful worlds are what made me attracted to the colors and patterns I use, and the format of my paintings being “worldly”.The art and music of the 60’s in general were my biggest influences. Surrealism oil painter, Vladimir Kush, is a huge influence on any surrealism elements in my art. Artists I discovered on Instagram inspired me a lot to push my art further, there are soooo many and it’s easy to be inspired on there. Diego Delfino’s beautiful women inspired me to draw women. They’re all super beautifully posed and inspired by the women of the 30’s, which led to me referencing my ladies from ladies from the 30’s when I first started learning how to draw them. Kane Trubenbacher was also one of my biggest influences, which seems weird because our styles are basically opposite, but the way he configures elements together inspired me tremendously and led to a turning point in my art style.

What type of materials did you start out using and what materials do you love to use now? I started out using Winsor and Newton watercolor, which is a thicker paint you add water to. It’s okay to begin with, but now I use Ecoline watercolor and it’s way easier to work with. I’ve been using that for the past 3 years now. As for paper, I began with hot press watercolor paper because I was trying to make botanical art, but now I use Fabriano Studio 140lb cold press paper and I’ve been using that for about 3 years also.

When you’re creating a new drawing, how do you begin your process? Most of the time it begins with whatever I’m feeling, or thinking being manifested into an image. Sometimes it’s a thought theme I’ve been having, whether I keep thinking about themes like dreams, memory, death etc. and sometimes it’s just how I’m feeling, which could be super happy and excited about life or overwhelmed with anxiety and whatever else is going in my head. 

Any kind of thought or feeling I have I morph into symbols that exist in nature or whatever I think suits it best, and it kind of branches off from the original theme into more connecting themes. Making the actual picture, it always begins different. 

My main goal is always to use different ideas in every painting, so I think beginning every painting differently is kind of a natural thing that happens when I try to accomplish that. Sometimes I begin with an idea I had the night before when I was about to sleep and other times I just start sketching on the paper. I also will sketch on graph paper and keep layering my ideas using a light box or a window to trace. I could probably use flowers growing out of a melting eyeball to symbolize five different things, but I’ll try to use an idea I’ve never used before to challenge myself artistic wise and broaden my perspective on the symbolism that surrounds us in nature.

What type of things are you inspired by and how do they found themselves reflected in your work? I’m mostly inspired by nature. Rainbows, mountains, water, the sun, the moon etc. all exist without any war or hate or intention rather than to be. They surround us in the physical world, but also reflect the conscious mind symbolically and I try to translate that in my art. All my women represent mother nature, and her consciousness that transcends to living beings (humans and animals). I believe nature is a natural teacher, and it’s our choice to view it as just objects around us, or to learn from it. When you begin to study and interpret nature, you begin to open new realms of thought (and lack of thought) and expand your conscious mind. That’s been the only way for me to learn about my true self and all the truths that surround me, and there’s nothing more inspiring for me than the truth. 

Music also inspires me a lot. You can get the same vibe from a song that you find in a painting, and I find when I’m really into a certain band, it’s vibe will reflect off my painting. Whether it’s a more serious, sad vibe or a psychedelic, energic vibe. Right now, The Voidz are my main music inspiration. The foundation of my art is strongly inspired by bands like The Beatles, The Doors, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. Tattoo art is also super inspirational. 

Even though my paintings aren’t intended to be tattoos, I’ve been told its tattoo like, and I think that naturally happened from just looking at so much tattoo art and being in love with it. Every now and then I’ll make a flash sheet, and when I sketch out ideas, it usually looks like a bunch of flash. I usually have an easier time making flash sheets than actual paintings. People in general inspire me. Sometimes a painting will be based on a person I met or saw. Even though everything I draw comes from the secret world inside my head, the secret world inside everyone else head is something that fascinates me and is something that will sneak into my drawings whenever I meet someone interesting.  

There’s a lot of surrealistic type of landscapes and worlds in your drawings from melting rainbows to lots and lots of eyeballs. What can you tell us about these worlds? They’re all part of the same world that exists in my mind, I like to “walk” through my mind and draw what I see. This world is mine because it’s my perspective, but it connects with every other conscious mind’s world. I could never draw theirs even though it’s the same world, because I could never fully understand their perspective of it. The worlds I create are always positive, even if they were born from any negative feelings or thoughts, they transform negative energy into positive energy. In this way they’re kind of healing places to create for myself, and hopefully also for anyone who visits them. Mostly these worlds are super personal, but they are based off the truth I know everyone can connect to in their own personal way if they’re willing to look deeper and find themselves in these worlds.

Where did you learn your knowledge of art or making art? Art School or Self taught? It was self-taught, but watching my sister paint and seeing what other artists use and how they paint, helped me a lot. Most of it was trial and error. I always liked drawing weird and symbolic things, so a lot of my beginning stuff is a big mess of ideas and constant experimenting. When you paint every day, even if no one is there to tell you what to do, you will eventually find your own personal art language and art will begin to make sense to you.

What’s something you can pass along art tip wise that you either learned in school or on the job so-to-speak? My biggest art tip would be to remember there are no rules to art. The only rules are the ones you make yourself. There’s no right way to make a line, or a color, or a face, or anything. That’s the most important rule I can think of, when you stop worrying about if what you’re doing is right or wrong, you start to realize how limitless creating can be. I mean, of course if you are going to do realism or use specific techniques you’re going to need to follow certain rules. But when trying to develop your own style, go with whatever works for you. 

Another tip I’d give is to not compare yourself to other artists. It’s good to be inspired, maybe using similar colors and a similar technique. But if you find yourself trying to be an extension of another artist, or straight up copying what they are doing, you’ll never find out what kind of artist you truly are.

What are your favorite Vans? All the yellow submarine edition ones were my favorite!

What advice would you give someone thinking about art as a career? If you are passionate about art and it’s the only life you can see yourself living, then do it. Art careers are different for everyone, and I don’t even technically have an art career yet, but I’m on my way. Be prepared to dedicate yourself and most of your time to your art. It’s a journey that involves only you. Don’t care what people say who tell you it’s not a good idea if you feel in your heart it’s how you want to live your life.

Anything you’d like to mention coming up the rest of the year? I’m making shirts and prints! Also I’m hoping to get a tattoo apprenticeship this year! Other than that, I’m just continuing to paint my mind and share it with people in hopes it can inspire them in whatever way they need it in their life😊

FOLLOW SABRINA | Website | Shop

[applegelstore]

Hey! Just wanted to drop by and say I really love your art and seeing your content! Along with the ideas you speak of sometimes. It's so nice to see because it looks like you enjoy what you do. It's an inspiration, really. I also wanted to ask, what's your inspiration? And what keeps you motivated? And this next one might be a bit personal, but do you have moments of self doubt? How do you deal with it?

Hi! First of all, thanks a lot for the ask, I don’t get personal questions about my art very often, so it’s very cool to see that some people are actual people and not porn bots, and are actually interested in the things I post!

Now for the actual ask, which I’ll totally have to divide into parts. I’ll also set a cut because it got hella long. Now, let’s go!

I have a very bad habit of word vomiting whenever I post art. It’s not only ever since I’ve started binge drawing Zesty fanart, I’ve pretty much always been like this ever since I started posting art on the internet about… 12 years ago at the very least?It used to be a lot of musing about the art itself (like, “what do you think, should I have tried this or that?” or “I had trouble with this thing” or “I actually like how whatever turned out”), which is probably due to the fact that teenage me had still a lot to learn and wasn’t afraid to admit that and ask for advice. I mostly posted my art online to get some peer advice.Nowadays, I am still aware of my shortcomings, but I don’t talk about the technical aspects of my art that often anymore. Nowadays, I have two reasons for posting art online: 1) I’m trying to make a living out of this shit, so naturally I’m trying to make as many people as possible aware of the fact that I exist. 2) I just wanna talk about the thing ™. Honestly. Never underestimate either of these points. That’s why there’s very often so much text and ranting in the tags. Because. I. want. to. talk. about. the. thing. I have an unholy amount of sticky notes on my desktop with ideas of things I’d either like to do because I think it would be subjectively cool, or because it might be a good addition to my portfolio. (spoilers: the former usually gets done like a decade earlier)I’m very glad that the sparks fly over and it shows that I love the things I love! ♥The result is novel-length descriptions for single sketches and tag vomit, though, lol.

“I also wanted to ask, what’s your inspiration?”

There’s no easy answer to that. First of all, it sounds a bit as if I was actively looking for inspiration. Which I am not. As I said, I rather have too many ideas and end up scrapping an unholy amount because even if I only do doodle shitpost sketches there’s no way I can do it all in a lifetime. I don’t know whether you had been implying that I actively look for inspiration or not, but if you did, let me tell you that I don’t. If you didn’t mean to imply that, no harm done.However, that doesn’t mean I don’t GET any. Because of course I get my inspiration from all kinds of places. I don’t watch a lot of movies, but I love going to the cinema and hearing the sounds and get eye candy (I love epic shots with the camera panning over landscapes and cool action scenes. Also, go watch The Secret of Kells, everyone). I always come out of blockbuster movies feeling like I wanna do something epic, too. I always listen to a whole lot of music, too, and there’s way too many songs that make me want to tell stories, and that plant pictures in the cinema in my head.(there was a time before Tales of Zestiria when I did original art and most of my paintings had some kind of musical inspiration lol. My stories, too).

Then there’s style and subject matter.Style first. I stopped aiming for a specific style pretty early on (like, late teens), and just accepted what came to me and works for me. The result is the weird anime not quite anime semi realism mixture that I have going, and the ratio usually varies depending on what I currently want to do. If I gave you a list of my favorite artists, you’d probably be surprised how little my own art has in common with theirs.Subject matter? WELLLLLL my original stuff comes from what I told you above, additionally, I studied medieval literature for a reason, and I loved mythological tales from my teenage years onwards. I’m much less enthusiastic about them now, but it used to influence my original art for quite a few years.…Also, I obviously like to do fanart. Like, a lot.

Also spoilers: I obviously love Zesty a tiny bit too much, because for no other fandom the streak of fanart has ever been holding up for two years and still counting without an end in sight, and I’ve never come up with any AUs, either. Usually my ideas went straight into original material, and this original material usually got top priority, but here it’s different, and I’m not sure whether it’s a good or a bad thing, haha. So basically don’t wait for my original stories* until I’m either a) done with the Zesty fandom or they’ve united and kicked me out or b) I’ve actually drawn at least four more full scale elaborate illustrations, have created the four or five AUs that I keep doodling for and ranting about, and I have finally run out of steam. Bets are up what happens first.

If you want specifics, it’s always easier to determine inspiration for a particular piece than in general. It can be so many different things.

* Although I still very, very much like some of my ideas and would actually love to do them. I just love to do low-effort Zesty fanart more XD. Shocking! But honestly, I am as surprised as anyone else that my muses shifted as much as they have, and mid-twenties me would never have guessed she’d fall into this rabbit hole in no time…

“And what keeps you motivated?”

I never… really needed to push myself to be motivated. It’s always been intrinsic. I had pictures in my head, I wanted them out. So I had to learn how, and do it. I have ideas in my head. I want to share them. I very much like this thing others have made. I want to tell the entire world how much I love it, so I do by drawing fanart. Simple as that.Positive responses (and asks like this!!) are a great motivator to POST art, but not to DO the art. The latter is intrinsic.Actually, probably TOO intrinsic. Because I keep drawing the things I WANT to draw and not those which would teach me new skills and thus help with “make money with art” thing. So I guess it’s a bit of a mixed bag, haha.I started drawing daily instead of just regularly at some point during my master’s studies, so roughly 8-5 years ago? Whenever I’m on the road or beaten by illness or bad feelings, I sometimes only manage very simple, super bad sketches, but it’s better than nothing. Luckily, it’s not like that every day (still more often that I’d like to, though).

If you’re wondering:Yes, I’ve had artblocks. Usually not in the sense of “I don’t have ideas”, but VERY MUCH in the sense of “I don’t feel like any of the ideas I have right now” and also “nothing I touch turns out the way I want it to turn out”. To all artists out there: it goes away. Believe me. Your stupid period will be over next week (to the guys out there: that’s not a joke. It DOES affect my general condition). It will be better the moment YOU feel better from whatever you’re currently suffering from.Yes, I’ve also scrapped ideas not because I didn’t like them after all, but because I tried and just failed repeatedly at executing them. Yes, I’ve had such bad times in life that I didn’t want to do ANYTHING. That included art. I just. didn’t. want. to. do. anything. Sometimes I still have these phases, but at least it no longer lasts for months straight without break.

“And this next one might be a bit personal, but do you have moments of self doubt?”

Pfft. Of course. Show me an artist who hasn’t. I’ve learned by now that you can acquire every skill you want. The question is whether you have the time and the will for it. If I had started drawing daily much earlier in life, and if I’d practiced more of the things I’m not good at instead of doodle shitposting, I’d be at an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT level than I am now. Even if I had STILL studied what I studied as I did (as I said, medieval literature, nothing art related). I’ve been drawing ever since I could hold a pencil and my parents have always been supportive, so that wasn’t a problem, I just wasn’t aware all these years that it could be something future me might want. Past me couldn’t have KNOWN. It’s okay, in a way. I can do the things I WANT to do by now. Not always as majestically as the ideas deserve, but it does the job. I don’t need to be able to do hyper realistic portraits, or hyper detailed interiors of space ships, for example. (it would be cool to be able to draw musical instruments tho. I’d love to learn 2D animation, too, but WHEN??) In short, am I aware that I’m not god and that my skills are limited in comparison to many other artists? Yes. Is that a problem? No.Do I doubt whether I can do my job, though? Very much yes. Because successful freelance artists don’t only need skill, they need to sell themselves, and I suck at that most epically. Do I miss the times when I didn’t even think about becoming better but simply drew for fun? Pretty much, yeah. Do I miss the times when I still had the ability to concentrate on elaborate, large paintings? Yes, I do. But I can’t turn my brain back to 10 year old. So I’ll have to deal with what I have now.

If you’re wondering whether I had moments of self doubt about my ideas, then, yes, very super much yes. I am convinced that the things you produce should be what YOU want to see. I want to draw what I want and tell the stories I WANT TO SEE AND READ. As I said, I’m doing it because I want these things to exist. Does it still hurt if nobody else likes these ideas? Yes, yes it does very much. It’s not even that I start thinking my ideas were bad, but that I start thinking “Nobody understands me and nobody will ever be able to like me because they don’t like my ideas, and my ideas are part of me”. Which is true, but it is ALSO true that you do not have to like every single idea some other person has to like them or be friends with them, I am aware of that, but if I may be honest here, it’s still a thought that I can’t quite get rid of, and still gets me angsty whenever I share some of my story ideas with anyone.

“How do you deal with it?”

I don’t. Ahem. Truth be told, I never really developed a proper coping mechanism for failures, and I don’t exactly like that about myself, but I still haven’t found a proper solution. As much as I stress that I do the things I do because I actually want to, I also told you that it scares me to see people disagreeing. It’s not only art related, whenever I feel I messed something up (school ie. marks, socialisation, whatever), it eats at me for days or even weeks until something positive happens (like, better marks, a compliment, anything). I don’t really like it, mostly because it starts a vicious cycle, but that’s how it is. I had surprisingly little problems with that during my university years because I had good marks, but I still mess up at least 50% of all the social interaction I do. It’s not always that easy with art, either.Story time.I remember one conversation with an artist who’s teaching art classes at my (ex) university, like, portrait drawings and flower paintings. So at some point when I started trying to live on art, I asked her whether she’d be interested in offering classes for other art styles as well, like comic drawing classes. She said she’d be interested, so I wanted to talk to her in person, but she never replied to that email reply. I decided to be bold for once, grabbed my portfolio, and went to her after one of her classes to show her what I’m doing. Put on the spot, she admitted that she didn’t reply any further because she didn’t like what I was doing. It was good from a technical aspect, but it seemed dull and uninspired to her, like something she had seen too many times already.I was devastated.I’ve always had to deal with underwhelming responses from peers and friends, too, but I also got some really sweet reactions and genuine support, so it was kind of a mixed bag, overall. I wasn’t used to that kind of harsh rejection of who I am.

Am I also very, VERY petty and jealous? Hell, yes. I get VERY jealous whenever I see people whose art is on my level or below but they still manage to make money with it, and have 10-100 times the amount of followers I have and/or get more enthusiastic responses online. It just makes me angry. The only way of coping I’ve ever found is stay the fuck away. I KNOW that it’s not these people’s fault if I’m jealous, and goddamn, freelance artist life is hard enough as it is. We don’t need to tear other apart. Surely they worked their asses off to be where they are. Heck, I’m friends with some. I keep away from those people so I can calm down and stop being angry, before I start lashing out at artists just because they get the attention they need and deserve. It’s not THEIR fault that I need money and also reassurance.

The only thing that ever worked for me to overcome any of these issues is just continue nevertheless. Keep doing what you’re doing. Remember what you love and why and JUST KEEP DOING IT. Even if you don’t see the point right now. Chances are you will see that point again. Maybe you never will. But IF you ever do, you want to make damn sure that you didn’t drop the ball in the meantime. There’s that saying that you can lose if you fight, but you can’t win if you never fight. It’s true. Be stubborn and show the world your middle finger.Spoilers: I’m teaching comic style drawing classes for the “rivaling” institute now. Always only in super small groups and it’s badly paid, so I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to keep it up, but it’s a start, right?

I hope that answered your questions!

Last remark: always remember, kids: you HAVE to produce the content you want to see yourself. Nobody is gonna do it for you unless you pay them. So. I’m doing it. Against better judgment, lol.…and watch The Secret of Kells.

[thefatedmeeting]

@queen-0f-demons​ hey bro!!! i saw u wrote that post and i wanted to talk to u about it, if thats cool with you. i decided to make it a post in case other people would need to read it, but if u want me to make it private or something just hmu. 

i don't wanna hog your post but i wanted to share my experience and realizations so that it perhaps might make you feel better about your art feels somehow. keep in mind these are my personal opinions! more under cut.

i relate to every single word you say. sometimes being an artist doesn't seem rewarding, and most of the time it really isn’t. when you don't get enough money, when you have to undercharge for your art, when people don't acknowledge your effort or even Refuse to do so; when you feel you're not good enough, and when you feel like your art isn't worth anything, or even when, in your eyes, it's bad compared to other people's art.

i feel that!! i used to feel that all the time. especially when i used to post more on tungle, and consciously or not, i also used to feel that Very Intensely due to anxiety and depression. i would try to not be negative, but deep down i'd be super jealous at the artists i admired (and sometimes i still am!), because their art was so nicely developed, stylish, so uniquely THEM. i was unable to have that at the time, or i thought so. 

but back then i was actually in my learning phase - i was developing my anatomy, my style, and myself! i was going through a healing process as well. so of course everything boiled down to a . snowball . HDFFDDFG but you know. i'm still in a learning process. i might understand certain things better - because not only practicing, but my studies have helped me see things i didn't see, or realize, before - but i am still learning! dude! 

i still have to learn how to properly draw legs sometimes. i have to put on more flesh in the joints. i have to DRAW EARS PROPERLY and not like some weird thing! gotta learn BGS! composition! i have to draw more because lately ive been DEAD BUSY! etc etc. but that's alright. the more i practice and learn and see, the more i will improve - just like you.

please keep in mind, the things below are things i have learned and thought for myself. i can't make you have realizations of your own, but i assure you it gets better if you allow yourself to go through that process.

most artists post works they're proud of, or that they consider postable for some reason or another. don't forget that every artist, yourself included, has had hundreds of canvases and pages filled so that they could MANAGE to learn one thing that they're showcasing in that one picture! art takes time, and effort, and everyone has a different rythm. just because others are faster, or have more time, or have more technique, it doesn't lessen your own effort. you are doing what you can at the current time - respect your limits, and push them when possible!

DONT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS i figure you're very tired of hearing advice like this but it's the truth man. everyone has followed different paths in life, that has given them certain abilities or certain ways of seeing the world. you don't need to follow that same path to be able to do good art. you have to follow your own path, to live your life, and build your own sense of... how do i say. your own lifestyle. your own vision, your personality? btw, of course you can use references. of course you can pick up snippets of what you like/respect/admire the most in other artists, even in things that don't relate to art.

speaking of that! good art is not perfect art. what do you consider to be perfect - life-like realism? life-like proportions? something aesthetically pleasing? something that grabs someone's attention? something that communicates? etc. art is not about being perfect! it's about communicating, expressing, about an experience, about yourself, about whatever you want it to be. what do you like to draw the most? do you enjoy anatomy, or animals? backgrounds? abstract art? is there a style you like the most? and why do you do that? think about it! if you can, study about the old things. about art history, art theory, old and new techniques, things that aren't even related to your area - for example, you want to be a mangaka? why not try sculpting. you can use clay, stone, bronze, metal, you can even assembly different objects and stick them together. might not be related to your area, but it might give you new ideas. expand your horizons!

my teachers said something that stuck with me. at first i didn't like to hear it, but it stuck with me. but they said it's nice for the growth of your own unique style - to perfect a techique to "break" it later. because it gives you purpose, and it's not the lack of a technique that is stopping you from using it! for example. i can do realistic paintings and drawings. takes me more time. i have fun doing them at times, when my confidence is down and i get like oh right, i can do that thing. and even though i do it sometimes, i choose to focus on another style because or semi-realistic paintings are just not my style. but life drawings, which are “realistic” in nature, helped me immensely with anatomy, proportion and lighting.

on another hand, art doesn't necessarily needs technique. i think studying and developing is vital to your formation as an artist - but i don't think the Academy(tm) and Technique(tm) its the only path to success or self realization as an artist. there are socially and economically marginalized artists who have never entered a school and they are selling their things, or making art, inconformed w the status quo (with reason And receipts..), some who are arting their emotions away, some who embrace their lack of technique and amp it up on pure instinct, aesthetic sense and their life path, some who are practicing their culture by making it. if you communicate things well enough, or express what you want to express and think, "wow, that was nice. i like that. it's nice enough." 

an example i can think of on the top of my head for you is ONE, the mangaka who draws the original One Punch-man and Mob Psycho 100%. His art isn't the traditional anime-y style - it's anatomically/proportionally imperfect from an academic view. most of the characters don't have the characteristic "anime eye". your first glance of his drawings might've made you think, "god, this guy can't draw at all." but damn! have you seen the few panels where he puts effort/detail into? he knows how to - he has the eye for it, whether he chooses to make it to a simpler style for comedic value, effort, merchandising or personal values/choices, he knows it! he communicates so well. his panel placement, his expressions, his gestures and even the writing. in my eyes he is a fantastic, top notch artist. and he's getting the recognition and the money, even though you might look at him and say his drawings aren't perfect. (say what you will, he has improved a shit ton ghgh)

everyone has their own values about what is good art and what is bad art. learn what yours are! and allow these values to change as you grow.

don't try to prove anything to the world just yet! focus to yourself. prove to yourself that you can improve. fight off that "not enough" vibe. Do It bro. i know you can! and i assure you it will get better. practice, practice, practice - BUT PLEASE don't forget to rest if necessary, focus on your health first; AND to enjoy your life as well. the more you get out there and see new things, the more things you will have to express.

sorry this was long but i, lost track of time i spent 1 hour writing this. anyway. thank you for admiring me man. i hope the best for your artistic career and for yourself!! don’t give up and keep going. hit me up anytime, i'll answer whenever possible ey

[schpiedehl]

An open letter to Hamilton (etc) fan artists, Re:whitewashing

Hello. Time for another ill-constructed rant on probably already well-tread ground. Specifically whitewashing in fan art (even more specifically Hamilton art though this could be applied to any fandom) and when it is ok. lol jk it’s never ok. PLEASE NOTE: I am an (amateur) artist. I am not ragging on artists because I “don’t understand how hard making art is,” “how hard artists work,” or what have you. These are legitimate problems of representation in fanart (that I have witnessed firsthand) and this is my earnest attempt to elucidate these issues. Feel free to interact with this post as you see fit. I am always free for debate if you disagree, would like clarification, or have anything to add.  

+Look out for those embedded hyperlinks for more content 

Preface: I am a member of far too many fb Hamilton groups. Sometimes people post their art, apparently forgetting that when you post things online you open yourself to critique. Hilarity ensues.

I often see Hamilton characters (generally portrayed as original Broadway cast members - Lin-Manuel Miranda, Okieriete Onaodowan, Anthony Ramos, etc.) who have been horrifically whitewashed - complete with lightened skin, bizarrely red or light brown hair, lightened eyes, and so forth. The most common defenses for this misstep, from both artists and fans, are personal style and apparent inability to approximate accurate skin tone (“I tried but skin color is hard”). Here’s why both of those excuses are utter bullshit.

1. Personal Style:

A lot of things in life are open to interpretation and all art is inherently interpretive. But the racial and cultural identity of a real life person is not one of these interpretive things. [PAUSE: before anyone says that this is precisely what Hamilton is doing with its casting, don’t.] First of all, I get it, personal style is important to art. Some people trend toward realism while others prefer more abbreviated, abstracted, and/or cartoony styles and part of that is selecting stylized color palettes, interpreting color in new and inventive ways, and playing with light, value, line, form, etc. This is NOT what I am talking about. It is entirely possible to honor a person’s background using relative or approximated shading/tone/coloration and to create beautiful art in the process [example: Chris Vision’s color series]. This little rant is specifically directed at people who "attempt" to depict Hamilton (etc) actors/characters using realistic/semi-realistic color palettes (as in, how they appear irl, accounting for abstraction, drawing style, etc) but fall short when it comes to depicting the actors, particularly in regards to racial background. You can find excellent examples of what I mean at Calling Out Whitewashed Hamilton Art and I’m positive you can find far too many examples in this and many other fandoms simply by scrolling through the tags on Tumblr and Instagram.  So without further ado, lightening a person/character’s skin in fanart is racist. There’s really no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Foremost, the practice of editing a person of color to appear more European (skin, hair, eyes, even facial features) intentionally erases the cultural, racial, and ethnic background of the person in question. This is incredibly disrespectful to the actors who portray these characters and works to undermine what Hamilton as a whole is trying to build. If Hamilton is trying to reclaim American history for People of Color, stripping the racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds from the actors represents a rejection of conceit and, perhaps, even a form of appropriation. It is as though “fans” are saying that they want the art that is made by and for POC while simultaneously rejecting the distinctly racialized aspects of that art. When artists depict Lin!Hamilton as white, they are rejecting the Nuyorican background which Lin brings to the character in both writing and performance and projecting faux whiteness upon the character. In doing so, whether consciously or not, they are rejecting the actor’s race as well. Lin is beloved because of the art that he makes which allows many fans to look past his racial and cultural identity rather than accept it as an intrinsic aspect of both the man and his art.  Moreover, the ubiquity of this whitewashed art also reveals a lot about what “fans” find visually appealing and acceptable - e.g., the Eurocentric standard of beauty. Whitewashing in art represents not only a rejection of POC’s culture but, obviously, their physical attributes as well. Dark skin is lightened and or whitened, hair is often straightened and/or lightened to a light brown or red hue (with the exception of Laurens, whose features, hair in particular, are often feminized as a form a queer fetishization but that is a rant for another day), and features are changed to appear more European. Often, depictions of characters are changed so much it is nearly impossible to tell that the art is based on any particular actor. In addition to being, again, extremely disrespectful to the actors, this further perpetuates the extremely harmful notion that beauty only exists in European features and sends a direct message to POC fans that their appearance is neither beautiful not accepted by the fanbase of a piece of media that was made by other POC specifically to appeal to them. This seems especially true of dark skinned black individuals who are often completely stripped of the melanin in fan art, further driving home notions of ingrained cultural colorism and anti-blackness. With Hamilton in particular, it is fine to “change” a character’s race if and only if you are depicting a character as a different actor. For instance, while Lin!Hamilton is Latino, Michael!Hamilton is a black man and depicting Hamilton as such, while uncommon among fan communities, is better than fine [*the lack of art of dark skinned actors is another point of contention. Not only are dark skinned actors frequently whitewashed, many are ignored altogether]. Depicting Michael!Hamilton as light skinned or white, however, is obviously not fine.  Having established that lightening a character’s skin or depicting them with more European features is inherently racist, the claim that whitewashing is a stylistic choice is invalid. If you make the “stylistic choice” to depict a POC as white, you are racist. End of story.  And if you want to do better but find yourself wanting to draw Lin!Hamilton as white, remember that this guy existed and just draw him instead. It’s not that hard.  2. Technical Difficulties:

One of the most unfortunately common excuses for whitewashing in fanart seems to be that, for some reason or another, artists have difficulty accurately approximating actors’ skin color so they presumedly just make something up, This results in Lin!Hamilton and Phillipa!Eliza looking a bit like Snow White, Oak!Mulligan looking a little tan, and so forth. As an artist, I understand that approximating realistic skintones can be rather hard, especially with traditional mediums, but it is glaringly obvious when artists don’t put in any effort.  With traditional mediums such as paint, markers, or color pencils, artists can blend to create the colors which accurately (or as accurately as possible given the limitations of certain mediums like watercolors) approximate actors’ skin tones. If the colors dry lighter than intended, the artist generally layer and blend more to achieve a better approximation. If they then scan their image, they can use a photo editor to fix or correct any mistakes. It might not be the easiest to find good matches (speaking from experience, there aren’t a ton of good warm brown toned markers and thus a lot of blending is sometimes required) but, as previously stated, it’s generally easy to tell when someone at least tried to get close to a correct skin tone. With digital art, it’s even easier. Fact: Nearly all art programs have a nifty eyedropper tool which can be used to pull color swatches directly from a reference picture. Even MSpaint has this function. By pulling multiple swatches from a variety of reference images (to account for different lighting conditions), an artist can build a relatively accurate gradiented palette for skin tone. It’s really that simple! And if an artist notices that the color isn’t quite right, it’s nothing a few tweaks to hue and saturation can’t fix!  If my tone seemed a bit sarcastic/passive aggressive in that last paragraph, it’s because it totally was. I see this excuse so much more often than I see any other excuse for whitewashed fan art and it is incredibly frustrating but also, as an (extraordinarily mediocre) artist myself, it rings incredibly inaccurate, especially for digital art. I completely understand that it sometimes takes a lot of time to get used to a medium but when an artist’s color palette is literally limitless, there is absolutely no reason (aside from personal, possibly subconscious/implicit but no less real, biases) for an actor/character to be depicted as white/light skinned when they are not. As previously discussed, that is disrespectful and harmful, and really only serves to make the artist (and those that support work) look like a jackass.  And look, if you find yourself making whitewashed art, it’s not as though it is impossible to change. When someone criticizes your whitewash-y art, don’t get defensive. Don’t claim that it’s your style or that you don’t know how to color POC. It looks and sounds really fucking ridiculous. Instead, evaluate your art and place it into a cultural context. Take it as an opportunity to improve. And maybe also take the opportunity to learn a little about yourself and your biases.  This wasn’t meant to be a call out post and I’d like to end this on a positive note so here are a few wonderful Hamilton fan artists who are worth a look:  terror-in-a-dream zzzoehsu linmanwhydididothis mikiprice thegentlehoneybee dorothywonderland maeng

[yuki-almasy]

Gordian Knot

So, I am going to talk a little about art-styles and my thoughts in general. Well, two years ago I already written a text like this but then never put it up on the internet. I felt too insecure about the topic and at all. I read the old text and it's still the same as back then. I am astounded that I made this little progress in matter of growth. Haha But I feel the need to address this theme again and to organize my thoughts.

I worked my butt off to draw animeresque semi-realism. It's what I always wanted to do and to archive that, was my main goal. But back then and now, I am not satisfied with drawing it. It's like a blockage, I have to force myself to draw like this and it's no fun at all. I read from several artists, that you always should do the harder thing, that's what brings you to a higher level of what you can be, or think you can be. And I agree to some point but also, I am not sure that that's the best way. Everyone is different and not every approach works for every person. Sure, you should always challenge yourself and keep learning but if it leads to stress and frustration, it will not be profitable for your health and art. Of course,you can fight through it but what if you are not strong enough to always push yourself to your limits, like me? Will I stagnate, if I stop drawing in half-realistic ways? Will I walk backwards, if I draw more what brings me fun instead of constantly pushing myself? Ultimately, I don't know.

There was a man once, his name was John William Godward. He wanted to become an artist at any costs, so he moved to Italy and even as his family repudiate him because of it, he strived to become as perfect as he could be. He was a master in drawing skin, marble and any sorts of fabric and also in drawing realistic in general. But he committed suicide at age 61 with the words written: 'the world is not big enough for myself and a Picasso'. So what can we take away from this tragic story...? Well, Picasso said 'It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.' Maybe, that it's not the ultimate goal to draw and paint as realistic as possible. If it's your goal, go for it but it's not 'THE' goal. What 'THE' goal is, is up to you. But what is my goal...?

Deep inside me, even when it's a fact, it's hard for me to really feel the fact that every drawing style is equal. When I really can go with the flow and have fun, my drawing looks extremely different to what it looks like, when I put all energy into it. But if I put a lot of energy in it, it becomes an absolute chore drawing that pic. And for every hour I work on it, frustration rises, until I just hate to work on it. And now I stare on the blank canvas and switch from what I 'should' do, to what I 'want' to do. I want to have fun but I also don't want to... I don't know, leave the ability to draw beautiful bodies and alike. There pics I drew recently, I am absolutely not satisfied with, but I couldn't bring it to a better outcome because it was a real fight. My mind rebelled like I would do something painful while drawing and therefore, I drew pics that are way bellow my best. But I have the feeling, when I go away from drawing more realistic, that it's worth less and will not be seen as 'valid' art; even though I see all art as equal, it's like I just couldn't accept myself. And also, I am more into 'realistic' stuff, like the TV series 'Hannibal' and 'Sherlock (Holmes)' etc. how should I address this kind of things with a less realistic style? How can I draw them beautiful/sexy/admirable? I don't know what 'feels right' to me, or how to archive it.

Due to my abusive past, I crave for love and attention, especially for my art. Art was what could make me happy and I had/have passion for. Some people do not care about attention or popularity at all and I work hard on myself, to make it a lesser role in my life but it's nevertheless a huge part of an art career and a need for people to go forward, pulled from the love and admiration of others. The fact is, that people are not as healthy or balanced as they should be and struggling, fighting with the thought of giving up; but if you log in and there is someone who says, that your work is great and it was worth it, or gotten some likes etc... that gives the power to keep going. So of course I want to please my audience... but overall I am just confused what people like and what I should draw, or even want to draw.

It's a constant progress of drawing and deleting; keeping things for later and never touch it again. Do I want to pursue art as an career? Yes. But how should I ever archive that or anything at all, when I am just a bundle of insecureness. I gone so much forth and back, left and right that I am a gordian knot, unable to undo or even loosen it. It's unbelievable hard for me to get anything done and my mental health is a huge reason why. I do love art so much but I am always so torn. It's five years now, that I feel like this and every month that passes feels like I wasted opportunities. Time runs and I'm helpless with all my thoughts and overall. My inner blockage and confusion is constantly hinder me to go forth. Well, I am an realist and I know that it will be better at some point in the future... but you have to make step by step, to get there even if you feel utterly powerless. I really want it to be better and I draw and will eventually overcome it. But right now and the past five years were really hard.

I had to write all this down, I just had to. And now, I'll putting this in the aether of the internet, to set it free and keep trying to go forth. But whoever read this, thank you; it means a lot that you took the time to read about the confused thoughts of an artist. Hopefully you will have a wonderful day or night.❤