#i read acotar just before this and i thought it was good but this ….. THIS BOOK MY GOD

[joenns]

just finished reading fourth wing

[starseternl]

i. stardust; azriel.

synopsis : azriel x half-seraphim!reader. your first starfall with the inner circle, nerves dizzying you like wine. what's worse? watching your love for azriel go unrequited as he dances with anyone but you. but ... is it really unrequited?

warnings : mild swearing, insecure reader / comparing herself to elain, fast-paced emotions, rushed ending, unedited.

a/n : this is my first fic writing for acotar here so pleasee bare with me ( this is also unedited / not proof read, so i apologize for any mistakes ) <3 i hope i did azriel some justice :,) no huge warnings here, just fluff with a hint of angst in between. and absolutely no hate to elain !! she’s the loml tbh.

word count : 6,271

Seventy years.

That’s how long you’d known Rhysand’s family. How long you’d known Azriel.

Seventy years, and yet, this was your first Starfall with them. After all, you had felt too guilty, leaving your boss – Madja – lonely on such a beautiful occasion. The woman wasn’t one for extravagant parties, and often stayed in as the two of you cooked together, much like a mother and a daughter would. Sure, it wasn’t much . . . And it certainly didn’t feel any different from your typical weekends. Yet, the warmth of the moment always had you savoring it. Madja was hard on you, but it was undeniable, the maternal instinct she seemed to possess.

But no amount of beef stew or spiced tomato soup could ever amount to what you felt now.

You stood before Morrigan’s bedroom mirror, unsure of what to do with yourself. Was that even you, staring back? Your eyes were wide, lined with kohl and a strange, silver paste, almost hidden behind your curled lashes. Your lips, parted in a small gape, were the color of aged wine – shining. Dark.

Tempting.

You wanted to congratulate Mor on the work of art she had produced out of you – but before you could utter another word, your gaze fell to the dress.

And, oh, was it breathtaking. 

Your bodice cupped your chest like it was molded to you, skin-to-skin, the velvet softer than anything you’d ever had the pleasure of feeling. The deep cobalt blue shifted in the light, almost like molten lapis, placing perfect emphasis on your curves, catching the glow of faelights in just the right spots. You’d never worn anything sleeveless before; you’d always thought them to look boring. But looking down past the sweetheart neckline, to the thick ribbon wrapped around your waist, lacing up your back, ending in that long, perfect bow … Even you had to admit it was a work of art. 

You lifted the satin skirts, peering down, wondering if –

“Don’t do that!” Mor playfully hissed at your side, swatting your hands down and away from the delicate material. “You’ll wrinkle it … I spent good money on this dress, you know.”

But you didn’t have the heart to banter, now. Your mouth felt dry as you gravitated towards the mirror, fingertips grazing its surface. “This doesn’t feel real,” you admitted with an exhale, so quiet that your friend barely even caught it. 

Her gaze softened a fraction, swiftly standing at your back, fingers adjusting the material lacing you together. Honestly, you were thankful they were there; it felt like the only thing keeping you from crumbling. You had been longing for this for years after meeting the Inner Circle. But, now? Coming to their little Velaris party made you feel as if you were officially one of them. Their friend, their family. 

You almost trembled as you – gently, this time – swept your skirts off the floor, taking small steps towards the door, making great attempts not to trip over the blonde’s brand new heels, the ebony leather so fine it barely cut into your flesh. She stifled a laugh at your poor attempts, offering you her bare arm to steady yourself. You graciously accepted, sheepishly gripping your billowing skirts tighter in your free palm. Not that you could admit such a bold claim aloud, but it wasn’t the shoes that had you dizzy. You had worn ridiculous heels many times in your life; boots, stilettos . . . This shouldn’t have been an issue.

Instead, what shook you was the knowledge that he would see you. You, in your sapphire dress. You, clumsily dancing for the first time in years. You, always embarrassing yourself. Always the fool.

The shadowsinger, your muse. He was so graceful, so lovely. Untouchable. Everyone could see that he deserved someone of pure light. Someone soft, like a blanket of warmth. Something you could never be, you supposed. For all you were good at was healing flesh wounds. You never knew how to navigate a faerie’s heart, how to soothe the cracks and wounds. 

A muscle ticked in your jaw as the two of you pushed Mor’s bedroom door open, your expression only relaxing as your friend let you go once you’d reached the great, spiraling staircase. The sisters, on the other hand, filed out of a room to the left – each one striking. Nesta in death’s black, ink dripping down every pore. Feyre, in a familiar shade of starlight silver, practically glowing with joy as she bounced little Nyx in her arms. And Elain . . . 

You felt a twinge of jealousy upon seeing how stunning she looked tonight. Mauve sweeps of tule and silk hugged her hourglass figure like it was art, the draping sleeves like wisps of petal. Her skirt fell to the floor in great volumes – she looked a bit like a flower, herself. You suddenly felt that confidence, blazing and bright, dwindle down to nothing but a spark. A new reminder that you were like her shadow. Pretty, but never enough to be seen, not while Elain existed. You bit down on your cheek to keep yourself from potentially hurling, stepping to the side in a swift bow as the Archerons passed, teetering down the staircase as one. Feyre had ordered you not to do so, as you were ‘family.’ Even so, you could never suppress the urge. 

It was pitiful of you, you had to admit. Elain … She’d never done anything wrong. Perhaps it was merely nature to blame another on your shortcomings, but even when that sinking feeling dove deep beneath your skin, guilt plagued and ate at your heart. Again and again she’d bake sweet cakes and cookies for you – again and again she’d bring you flowers, bright smiles. All because she knew you were unsteady, afraid. Yet you couldn’t stop. Not when Azriel’s gentle smiles only seemed to bloom for her sunlight. 

Only when you heard hushed chatter and laughs did you spring back up, sucking in a breath. You peered over the edge, stomach churning as you watched the shadowsinger transfixed by the doe-eyed female. How could you join them, now, when you realized you had no one to talk to? Cassian and Nesta. Amren and Varian. Rhysand and Feyre. Azriel and Elain. Even Mor had found her place beside a newly bashful Emerie. You had been hoping that Gwyneth would join you – but the Nymph stayed in the Library, tending to books with Clotho. 

Ripping the handrail, dark nails scraping, you quietly made your down, inch by inch, silently, in hopes no one would see, and –

“Oh, you sure clean up nicely,” came Cassian’s whistle of approval. You groaned, stopping halfway to the floor to dramatically hang over the railing. 

“Did you really need to do that? I was trying to be discreet,” you huffed, hands on your thinned waist. You quickly finished your descent, ready to knock heads with the male, his chest puffed out in rather unnecessary pride.

And you would have, if the weight of a certain gaze tore at your focus. Your eyes slid to Azriel’s, and for once, he didn’t shy away. He only watched, those smooth, pretty lips parted in something resembling awe. Elain glanced between the two of you, and for a moment, you could have sworn excitement – anticipation – flash in her lovely brown eyes. 

You practically floated towards the Illyrian, drinking him in. That dark hair, clumsily styled into a dark pool of voluminous strands. The way his white blouse – a shade you rarely saw him in – was ever so slightly unbuttoned, revealing hints of his tattoos. But what really caught your eye was the velvet blazer of deepest blue. An article of clothing that perfectly matched your gown. 

You, painfully, let your eyes drift to the blonde fae, raising your brows, as if you say, you did this? Mor only grinned, looping her arm through Feyre’s ignoring your inquiry. 

But, in the meantime, Azriel hadn’t stopped watching you, from the moment he saw you take the first step towards the hall. He knew you’d be wearing cobalt tonight. He had specifically asked Mor, in fact, smitten and riddled with nerves. But what he didn’t anticipate was how it made him feel. It was the same blue that shone in his siphons, and his heart stirred, a strange sense of warmth rising to his head and chest. It was as if you were his. His to hold, his to touch, his to kiss. His shadows danced, a wisp curling around your neck and winding through your hair, like a necklace. He could feel them giggling like children.

Before he even had the chance to get ahold of the shadows, you were already laughing with them, a finger gently coming up to examine your newfound jewelry. 

The male stepped closer to you, rose dusting his cheeks. “They seem to be in a good mood.” He watched you play with them, the one laying on your collar bones shifting to wind itself up and around your forearm, like a serpent, loyal to its mistress. “They like you, I mean,” Azriel clarified as you peered up at him. 

“How cute …” you murmured in awe, feeling them pulse against your skin. You met his hazel eyes once again, unable to wipe the grin off your face. “They’re beautiful.”

Beautiful beautiful beautiful. He couldn’t help the small, careful upturning that graced his lips as he let a million thoughts wander through his head. You’re the one who’s beautiful, he wanted to respond – but for the sake of his nerves, and yours, he held his tongue. Instead, he hummed, “We match, you know.”

Your eyes widened, as if you had hoped he wouldn’t notice. “Ah … Right,” your eyes widened, pupils dilating further, “I swear, I didn’t plan this. It’s a coincidence. If I knew you were already wearing blue, I would have asked to change – I don’t mean to steal your thunder.”

Azriel barked an uncharacteristically joyful chuckle, throwing his head back for a moment, the blush dusting his cheeks only glowing a bit brighter. Something you failed to see, eyes stuck to the arch of his throat, the way the muscles moved, his tattoos coming to life. “No,” he gently countered once he’d come down from the clouds. “I think it looks nice. You – we – look nice. Blue suits you.”

And as your lips curled, Azriel thought his heart may have stopped. Had he done that? Him? A sense of pride sparked in his blood, his shadows flaring in reply, still ever so unresponsive to their master. You could feel the way they seemed to shy against you, the dense air they washed over your skin warming – you could’ve sworn it felt like a flush. 

You were so enchanted with the creatures, with the peace they brought you; the way it washed over your senses, so much so that you completely missed the velvet-smooth voice that filled your ears. It was an effort to look up from the shadows – after all, you were more than content to sit right there on the floor and play with them all evening, dress and all. But nothing else mattered when a gentle shiver spread through your body, a silken sensation blooming at your shoulder. Your eyes narrowed to the  – albeit, gloved – hand that rested on your skin. You didn’t need to see the scars beneath, to know who it was.

Azriel gazed down at you with eyes so full that something in your chest ached in response, drowning under the waves of thousands of words unsaid. You couldn’t read them, each syllable too muddled, too deep to reach – but you knew something was there, lurking beneath those amber irises. “Could you repeat that?” you finally murmured, clasing your hands before you. Your tone was sheepish, the very admission an embarrassment. 

“I asked if you would save me a dance,” he clarified. You could hear it, the slight tremor in his voice. He was a master of physical arts, and his body didn’t often betray him – only you knew Azriel well enough to gauge the nerves in his words. “I know you have a duty to dance with Rhys, and Cass is going to snag you, as he does to every pretty lady. But I think I’d regret it, if I didn’t get at least one with you.” 

How could you say no? How could you be sensible, think of the consequences, when that stare was so sweet? It was a look you could never refuse, not even when you knew accepting would break your doe-eyed friend’s heart. 

Yes; you saw how Elain looked at him, how her rosy lips parted when he walked into a room. She sat up straighter beside him, seemed to speak louder. Like a star hidden by the mountains, rising into the sky to be admired by all. Around Azriel, the girl bloomed. And every hushed compliment from the Shadowsinger was a seed planted along that pale skin, growing until she could one day love herself as much as everyone else seemed to love her. It was shameful, to live off another’s joy … But watching how smooth they were together, you couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to be loved by him. Selfish. You knew she loved him first, yet you craved him more than all else. You knew you had no right to want his touch, to crave him like air, but you did both. He was your air, yes – the kind that burned your lungs, coughing on stardust, too much to look at, blinding, suffocating –

“Yes.” 

The word came choked, pulling you from the waters of your mind. “Yes, of course,” you repeated again, softer this time. You were never a dancer, could never drift across the ballroom like shallow water. But with him, it felt different. Wings could sprout from your back – you could fly, when his spotlight was on you.

The male’s face seemed to relax with the acceptance, warmth spreading to his cheeks. You were in your own little world, a fragile bubble that you wanted to stay in forever … Until a louder, feminine voice put a pin in it. 

“Right, we get it, you want to tear each other’s clothes off,” Mor teased with a groan, red gown twisting as she faced the two of us, Emerie peeking out from behind her. “But I’m not missing Starfall because two insufferable idiots refuse to get a move-on. I’ve got things to do.” She winked, and with the click of her tongue, Rhysand nodded. Nodded – but you could see the smirk on his lips when his gaze fell on Azriel.

“As refreshing as this is,” he agreed, “we have a duty to make an appearance. Lest you want to be chastised by our people, I suggest we leave.” He had taken Nyx from the bundle in Feyre’s arms, bouncing the babe in his own large embrace. The boy was grasping at his fathers blue-black hair, pulling at the strands.

You brushed past the Illyrian to stroke Nyx’s head, cooing for the small child. Barely a toddler, and you could tell he’d grow to be as strong as – if not stranger than – his father. But it certainly brought no fear, often surrounded by the coddling of the adults around him. 

As a half-Seraphim, yourself, you were less on the … Territorial side. Your instincts were more like a soft duvet, contrary to Azriel and Cassian’s hammer-like tendencies. Thanks to this, the Night Court’s heir had grown quite fond of you – of course, not nearly as much as his mother and father, but you were a close third. You swept the black-haired boy into your arms, holding him at eye-level with you, his chubby fingers reaching for your pearls and jewels. “Ah-ah,” you tutted, a mock frown placed on your painted lips. “I know these are pretty, but your Auntie spent her hard earned money on these. You can touch when you’re older.” 

Nyx seemed to deflate with the rejection, and you almost felt guilty for the poor thing. His mother, donned in white, cupped his little face in her hands and pressed a kiss to his head. 

“Now, let’s not get pouty … You’ll perk right back up when you see the treats Elain made for the party,” the High Lady hummed. At the word “treats”, he seemed to glow once again, tiny wings flapping as Feyre took him back, bouncing him against her chest. You couldn’t help the giggle that slipped past your lips, the scene painted perfection. You were glad to see your friend with such a loving family around her – she deserved it.

A cool breeze grazed your back and you strained your head to peek behind you, eyes drinking in a torso covered in black, white, and blue. “Let’s not keep Nyx waiting. He’ll grow impatient,” Azriel suggested, that quiet, smooth voice loud in your ears. You could feel his shadowed smirk, that silent humor. He reached a gloved hand out to you and your heart seemed to melt. Was he really asking to escort you? You slid your fingers between his, feeling the rough, charred skin mold to the tight fabric of the gloves. It was a familiar sensation, comforting. The nice thing about loving the Shadowsinger? You always knew. You knew it was him when he’d touch your arm, scarred fingertips all too easy to feel. You knew it was him when you saw shadows snake across the floor of every room, moments before you saw him. Mother, you even knew him down to that night-chilled mist and cedar scent. It blanketed you on drunken nights in which he walked you back to your room in Feyre’s estate, lingering even when you’d crawled into bed and fallen asleep like a rock. His hand tightened around yours, sliding his arm so it supported yours, linking your bodies together. Something about his shadows seemed more careful than before, like summer air. 

You supposed you wouldn’t mind if your hair got ruined if it meant Azriel got to fly you there. Mor could deal with it.

***

By the time the Illyrian set you on the pavement outside The Rainbow, you were already exhausted. Yes, you were a night owl – fitting for the court you stayed in – but the heavy jewels stuck to your arms, your neck, and the weighted material of your dress – it all had you wanting to sit down and doze off for a good few hours. You knew your feet would ache by the end of the evening. You could hear the booming music, the orchestra’s melody brighter than the stars, the cheers of Rhysand’s subjects as he led his mate and son down the stairs. You could almost picture it without seeing it then; the Lord and his Lady, glorious like the moon. 

You let the Spymaster set your hand on his, leading you down the steps, ebony wings never quite dragging as you followed him. You had wanted to thank him for the fly, an excuse to talk to him amongst the vast expanse of people –

But something else caught your eye.

The sky. 

Your lips parted in wonder, a sort of floating sensation spreading through your body. It was beautiful. You knew starfall wasn’t about the actual glowing dots in the sky, but the spirits, coming to visit in star-shaped forms. And you watched the large bodies descend from the pool of black, silently colliding with the streets of velaris, leaving the pavement sprinkled in glittery, illuminated substances. it painted the streets, the buildings – you felt like you were standing in a fantasy. things felt … peaceful. soft. 

“Pretty, aren’t they?” Cassian smirked from behind you, an arm slung around Nesta’s waist – much to her teasing dismay, as she mouthed a short “possessive baby,” to you. You nodded at the warlord, the corners of your mouth lifting … only for them to fall right back down when he added, “Yeah. They’re dying out every year. One day, they’ll be gone.” 

You gasped, brows dipping. Your stomach seemed to churn, your gaze on the spirits suddenly grew heavy, sorrowful. Your excitement died down to a sort of mourning. You knew you’d be alive another, what, five hundred years? More? Would they be gone by then? Out of the corner of your eye, you watched Nesta jab her mate in the stomach, scolding him for the sudden trainwreck of angst. 

You spent most of the party sitting around members of the court, sipping expensive wines and gazing up at the glass roof, coated in that glowing powder. You couldn’t keep your gaze off of it – not when Rhysand swept you into a waltz, his dancing skills smooth as you remembered from Under the Mountain. Elegant as the dark, night incarnate. He certainly lived up to the name, gliding across the marble floor with such ease that you almost slipped on your own two feet, practically being dragged around like a ragdoll. You excused yourself shortly, handing him off to his wife, who scowled when he seemed to pout, clearly enjoying torturing you, ever the brother-figure. You knew he’d be in it for a mouthful at home. It made you chuckle, even when Cassian took the chance to wrap his arm around yours, that boysterous demeanor louder with the consumption of so much alcohol. You could smell it on his breath, and see it in his sloppy dancing – and when he asked you to twirl him, the male practically playing limbo to try and fit under your raised arm. You sniggered, mocking his height – until those wings slapped you square in the face when he finally succeeded. You grumbled, excusing yourself to find a drink as his warm, hollering laughter followed you down and across the ballroom.

That left one dance owed.

Azriel.

It wasn’t that you weren’t looking forward to it. Quite the opposite, actually. Rather, it was that the shadowsinger was nowhere to be found. You knew he had the tendency to slip off into the security of his shadows during large gatherings … But what were you to do? It was nearly two in the morning, and things were coming to a close. Or, at least, the music was. It had grown softer, suitable for smalltalk and laughter, rather than dance and partying. 

Plus, Elain was missing, too, and for some strange reason, it made your skin itch. Was she with him? Had they snuck off alone, to admire the moonlight? You couldn’t blame them; she had looked lovely that evening. You admired her for it. You always had. She was there for you when others were not, an angel in disguise, fallen from the heavens. You hadn’t known the Mother was capable of creating a fae so perfect. Didn’t want to know. At least, not while it made you feel so … average. Good for nothing.

You gripped your arms, turning to gaze at your friends, huddled and chattering like a flock of birds. Radiant. Untouchable. Did you belong there, with them? Placed on a pedestal, to be admired and feared and loved? It had you wanting to hurl, a shiver making its way up your back. You swiftly jerked your head forward, heels clacking, feet aching as you slipped down a dark hall, relishing in the way the voices and music seemed to die down the further you walked. 

You reached a small archway, illuminated only by the bright moonlight, a small breeze leaking in through it. You stepped past the threshold, finding yourself on a familiar balcony – familiar not by memory, but by description. Feyre told you about it many times, about how she’d shared her first genuine moment with Rhysand there. You scoffed and shook your head, the irony lifting your mood. Leaning on your forearms, the railing cool on your skin, you let the wind ruffle – if not ruin – your hair, eyes fixated up. You’d miss it, when those little glowing shapes were nothing but a whisper of dust in the world. Despite being pissy at Cassian for soiling your spirits with the fact, you were also grateful, because it meant you could savor their presence just a tad bit more. 

“Feeling overwhelmed?” You instantly knew who that voice was. Without turning, you responded with a hum. “I needed a bit of quiet. You Illyrians can be insufferable.”

Azriel barked a laugh, the sound so genuine and rare that you felt your chest stir. He sounded like pure starlight, and you wanted to fall into it. “Maybe so, but I don’t see you leaving.”

“Because you fools would go batshit insane if I ever did.” I manage to roll my eyes, fighting back a love-struck smile. “What’ve you been doing all night? I thought you’d be more into the celebration. I know parties aren’t your thing … But I was told you adored Starfall.” Az considered, the material of his suit creasing. “Elain asked me to take her to The Rainbow’s gardens. We watched the spirits from there – better view.” 

Truth. You could tell by the way his voice softened, the corners of his eyes relaxed, his shadows hiding nothing. Your stomach dropped, as though you hadn’t seen it coming. Of course he was with Elain. When was he not? You pressed your lips together before replying, eyes dropped from the sky to your clasped fingers. “Mm. Had I known, I would’ve stayed outside … Cass and Rhys practically danced the soles of my feet off.”

You heard a deep, joyous rumble to your left. “Did Cassian step on your toes?”

I sighed dramatically, neck craning. “Obviously. And gave me one Hel of a nosebleed”

“I’m sure I could do better. I like to think I’m in control of my own body.”

You shook your head, lips twitching. “Finally offering me that dance you wanted?” I joked, lifting my skirts.

“You know I’m not one to break a promise,” came his reply, that dark smirk on the panes of his face. You giggled, turning to exit the balcony and make my way down to the ballroom. “Race you?”

Rather than complying like he usually would, the male caught hold of your wrist – gently, but hard enough that you halted. 

“Stay.”

Your heart couldn’t have thundered as loud as it did then. Heat rose to your cheeks and you turned your head to look at him – really look at him, for the first time in hours. And, gods, did you regret it. Flushed by the cold in the wind, hair disheveled, falling into his eyes … You were done for.

“Stay?” you parroted, head cocking to the side. “There’s no music up here.” Half truth; music leaked from below, but it was so quiet, our hushed voices could easily cover it. 

“I know. But if we go down there, we’ll be bombarded with those busybodies. I want it to be –” he shook his head, a glow rising to his cheeks. “Just … Stay.”

Your heart melted, shoulders slumping, the grip on your skits loosening as you faced him. He wanted you to be alone. Just the two of you. He may not have outright admitted it, but you could see it on his face, the hopeful shimmer in those hazel eyes, like honey. It was often like this, with you two; unbeknownst to your friends, your relationship wasn’t all teasing and joking. No – outside their gaze, in the shadows, the two of you oftentimes dwelled in silence together. You had trouble sleeping most nights, and came shuffling out of your room for milk and tea, a book clutched in your hands. And Azriel? His shadows simply never shut up. Sleep wasn’t much of an option for him. It became tradition, your nightly meet-ups on the roof of Feyre’s manor, laughing and indulging in Rhys’s good wine. It was the first time you’d seen the large man drunk, suddenly becoming needy and sensitive, like an oversized baby. 

You’d been staring at him a moment too long, eyes locked onto his parted lips, those flushed cheeks. Shaking your head, you finally turned your body, nearing him with a carefulness akin to approaching a wounded deer. “Okay,” you finally breathed. You knew you were a mess, so late into the evening. Tangled, frizzy hair, wrinkles on your dress. But little did you know, you’d never looked more beautiful to Azriel. 

Without another word, his hands were on you. They cupped your waist, guided your hands to his shoulders, with such grace that you swore he had experience. Maybe the Spymaster was a playboy, as strange as that was for a male of his kind. 

But all thought emptied from your head when he guided you by the hips so you were centimeters from him, face so close to his chest you could feel the warmth coming in waves. Could feel his shadows tenderly stroke your cheek, winding around your neck and shoulders like scarves. You couldn't even bring yourself to touch them, play with them – not while your hands were on him, feeling muscle shift beneath his skin and clothes as he swayed you, ease and relaxation working its way into his step. Even with no real music, no tempo, Rhysand and Cassian’s dances paled in comparison to this (not that Cassian’s had much appeal … That man was like an ostrich with a broken ankle on the dance floor). This, with those eyes gazing down at you with such peace. This, listening to his every breath, the way it seemed to catch when you moved to sling your arms around his neck, bringing you impossibly closer. This was what you loved most. 

You knew Azriel couldn’t go farther than touching a female’s hands without beating himself to a pulp – knew he ridiculed himself too much, as too afraid. Yet, something changed in him when he brought a hand previously on your waist to your head. It was by no means a harsh action, but rather something done with such softness that your heart fractured. He cupped the back of your head, fingers buried in the soft strands of your hair, and brought your head to his chest, letting you rest your cheek against the soft silk of his dress-shirt and blazer. You were no longer dancing – you were moving, like plants in the wind. But it was too intimate to be labeled a dance. You were simply holding one-another. Holding on to something you couldn’t quite place. 

“I’m … Glad I got one dance in tonight.” His voice seemed to vibrate across his body, sending waves down your cheek. You couldn’t see his face – not when yours was stuck to his chest, but you could hear something sweet in his tone. 

I huffed against the silks and cotton, inching back to get a good look at his expression. “You didn’t dance with anyone else? Not even Elain?”

He raised a dark brow, shadows swirling around his back. “Lucien would gut me if I dared to try.”

“Lucien isn’t here tonight.”

“Mm. Something Elain was awfully upset about. It wasn’t on my bucket-list, though.”

Surprise coursed through your veins, going right to your thundering heart. He didn’t want to dance with her? The female who was practically the belle of the ball? And she … Was waiting for Lucien. You couldn’t quite believe it, but you knew the shadowsinger wasn’t one for lies. For a spymaster, he was a terrible actor to anyone who knew him. He could lie to enemies, to his brothers when it counted. But otherwise, those cheeks would be dusted in pink, gaze practically oozing nerves. 

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled from your throat. “Well, I am more than honored to be your first pick,” you teased, jabbing him between the ribs. 

But Azriel was unfazed. Where you had expected a laugh, there was only his heavy stare, his parting lips. “You’re the only one I ever want to dance with.”

Your heart seemed to stop its beating right there and then. Your throat, dry like sandpaper, seemed to keep so many thoughtless words as you could only stare up at him, quite aware of the heat rising to your face. You’re the only one I ever want to dance with. 

What the hell did that mean?

“I know I’m one hell of a dancer, but you need to give Rhys some credit, too,” you finally bit out, the breezy jest you’d intended to lead into your tone coming out strained, nervous. 

Azriel bit his lip, those shadows swirling to cup his face, his neck, peeking over the expanse of his wings. He was … Embarrassed. “You don’t understand,” he murmured, a scarred – and gloveless, you noted – hand reaching to cup your face – then stopping before it could reach the skin you so desperately needed him to touch. “I – you don't …” he huffed, raking those fingers through his hair. “You are much denser than Cassian tried to let on.”

Denser.

It hit you like an arrow to the chest, a zing of shock shaking you to your very core. Was this him confessing? You mindlessly blinked, makeup-covered lashes fluttering. The male you had been pining after for years wanted you. In retrospect, it made sense. He always sat by you, always did things for you, always protected you, first. But there was always an excuse to bypass the information like it was nothing. The way he once loved Mor, that he was simply a kind soul … Which was the truth, beneath the hard mask of the Night Court’s Spymaster. 

Then, Elain. But Elain wasn’t in the picture anymore, not when Azriel had just revealed her little affairs with Lucien. Not when he was admitting that this was all so, so real.

“Az –” you choked out, reaching for his hand, taking it in yours. His scars were warm, and despite how he refused to look you in the eye, his fingers clutched yours so desperately that you swore you felt tears well, burning you. “Are you trying to – do you … Fuck, this is hard.” You exhaled, a sudden wave of nerves hurling at you. You didn’t know what to say, what to do, where to look – and hell, he looked so pretty, with those rosy cheeks and messy hair. You opened your mouth to finally just say it, the words bounding up your throat, ready, and – 

Snap.

Your chest heaved, something missing for years, something hollow, suddenly full. Like you’d found an oasis in a desert, and you couldn’t waste even a single drop. You’d wondered since you were a child who your missing piece was. Who was tethered to your mind and body and heart, who was destined to be yours. 

“Mate,” his shallow, hoarse voice cut through the thick air like a prayer. 

All restraint snapped, all reason to be civil seemed to vanish as he cupped your face, thumbs running over your cheekbones. You could faintly see the outline of tears in the moonlight, coating his skin. Azriel, as you knew it, never cried. He never let himself cry, never even wallow in pity. Only that icy, silent rage. But seeing the emotion dripping down his face, all you wanted to do was hold him, tell him it was alright, tell him what you felt, that you loved him, to kiss him –

Just like that, his lips were on yours. 

Fleeting, soft – but, gods, it was perfect. You could feel the trembling of his movements as they parted, the taste of him finer than champagne, a cocktail of bittersweet anticipation and fervent affection. Your hands slipped from his, rising to loop around his neck as he fluttered against your lips, a butterfly’s kiss. A sigh, scarcely audible, escaped you, carrying with it the weight of endless nights spent yearning for that exact moment. Your fingers tangle in the inky strands of his hair, and anchor to reality, prayer that it wasn’t a dream. 

And even when you inched back for the breath that you were so bitter to need, the feeling of his touch lingered, his flavor coating your mouth, ever-present. You touched your forehead to his, and he didn’t mind that he needed to crane his neck forward to reach you. Not one bit – and especially not when you murmured into the night, meant only for his ears, a quiet “I love you.”

You felt it, the way he tensed in your embrace. Not in a defiant way, not something that spoke of regret for the moment you shared. But fear for something new – something unexplored. 

“I love you, too.”

You could have gone and cried yourself a whole new ocean right there and then, even at the price of Mor’s scolding as your makeup dripped down your cheeks. But was it your fault? You didn’t think so – not that it mattered. All you saw was him, even when your eyes went blurry and your heart seemed to burst.

Then – footsteps, a familiar male voice. “Do you think they’re fucking out there?”

“Cassian!” Nesta hissed, a slap ringing through the dark hall behind them. 

“He isn’t wrong …” Mor chirped, amusement echoing in each syllable. “Az looked like he was about to pass out when he saw her.”

Dear Mother. Of course your meddling friends wanted to stick their nose in your business. Indecent, perhaps, but you smiled all the same, rolling your eyes as the two of you listened to their ceaseless chatter.

“I think,” Azriel murmured, his wing curling around you, blocking out the moonlight and endless stars, “we should return before they start the next town gossip.”

“... Smart.”

[reiincarnatiion]

shadows of destiny | azriel x reader | part two

summary : jealous but confused azriel, yearning shadows and sexy lucien and sexy reader ;)

🧚‍♀️

a/n: 💗 WOW. SO MUCH SUPPORT ON THE FIRST PART BROOO GUYS I JUST OFCOURSE HAD TO WRITE PART TWO and def will have part 3 i guess? ngl i am an angsty writer so im not good at writing happy endings HAHA rip for u all.

this is so addictive ive already written 3 stories in a span of like three days HAHAH 💗

also most azriel stories i read are never from his perspective so im keeping it from his perspective to change things up! he is def a bit out of character because i havent read acotar for a while rip but enjoy! thanks for the support and let me know your thoughts !! also this isnt proof read cuz ya girls lazy >.<

read [ part one ] !!

---💗---

"What are you two doing?"

Lucien and you both looked up, shocked (but not really) , to find Azriel standing in the middle of the dance floor, clad in his black silk shirt and pants, with swirls of tattoos peeking through, his collarbone on full display. Fae moved gracefully around him, dancing and making out, carefully avoiding the famed shadow singer.

He stands in front of you two, just as you two had begun your pathetic attempts to drunkedly dance. Your short dress had ridden up to the top of your thighs, pressed against Lucien's pants, and Azriel knew it was entirely inappropriate. He observed as you raised your eyebrows and looked down at him.

He couldn't fathom how you two had crossed the line from friends, but he knew it was wrong. Over the eons, he had seen you with many men, but they had always been strangers to him and the Inner Circle. They had never been serious.

Were you and Lucien serious? The club fell silent to him,  as he awaited your answer.

His shadows swirled around his feet, urging him to intervene. Some even attempted to caress your legs, but Azriel swiftly reeled them in, refusing to acknowledge how soft and sweet-smelling they might be. He couldn't bear to know how apparently tempting they were.

Azriel clenched his jaw as you gazed back at him with your kohl-lined eyes, their newfound seductive power nearly breaking his stoic demeanor.

He bit the inside of his cheek to quell the sudden effect your look had on him, not wanting to indulge in such thoughts; they could only lead to trouble.

"Uhhh... Dancing?" you drawled back finally, rolling your eyes in a way that he would have only have liked to see in bed with you, behind you, with his hands wrapped in your hair as he-

He blinked, the deafening thumping of the music returning to his consciousness, as the rush from his panicking shadows ebbed away, calming his racing heart.

What was he doing? Why did he even come here? A wave of guilt washed over him as he tore his gaze away from your captivating eyes, only to hear you laugh and giggle as Lucien whispered something in your ear, drawing you closer. A giggle Azriel had never noticed was so adorable and sexy at the same time.

Azriel shook his head, trying to make sense of the overwhelming emotions within him. It didn't make any sense. You were like a little sister to him, an integral part of his family.

Stupidly, he realized that he didn't know why his shadows urged him towards you, nor did he understand the sudden waves of jealousy coursing through him.

"AZ! SO NICE OF YOU TO FINALLY JOIN!" a voice screeched, breaking the tension that had enveloped him and the couple in front of him.

They weren't a couple, but they looked like one, and he couldn't stand it. He didn't know why he was acting this way, but he knew one thing for sure: he didn't like it.

He didn't like how Lucien's slender fingers gripped your waist with such familiarity and intent.

The voice that had called out before now manifested next to him as Cassian stumbled over, dragging Nesta along. Their interlocked hands taunted him once more, but Azriel forced himself to look up at Cassian.

"BROTHER!! LET'S DANCE!!" Cassian howled, reaching them and clumsily starting to move their bodies to the rhythm, grabbing Azriel's shoulders to mimic their motions. Azriel stumbled back, desperate to escape the situation, but Cassian persisted.

"Leave me alone, Cassian," he mumbled, brushing his brother's hands away with his gloved ones.

"Why don't you ever dance with us?" Cassian whined, oblivious to Azriel's attempts to withdraw.

Azriel burned with annoyance, returning his attention to you and Lucien. But then, a tender voice spoke out behind him, and he knew it was Feyre even before turning around to see Rhys drunkenly laughing with Cassian as the other couple joined.

“Az, what are you doing, staring holes into Lucien and Y/N,"

"I--" Azriel faltered, trying to make sense of his emotions and jumbled thoughts. "It's just wrong."

He blinked, wondering why he had even gotten up in the first place.

"They're just drunkenly dancing; Elain is fine with it. You don't have to defend her honor here, Az," Feyre assured him, patting him on the back before returning to her mate.

Azriel stood still, smoothing out his pants and running a hand through his tousled hair. The club's hazy atmosphere seemed to envelop him, and he realized that the fae wine he had consumed tonight had hit him hard. Perhaps he had gone too far this time.

"Yes, yes, of course. I just thought Lucien should respect Elain..." he answered hastily, though he knew Feyre had already left. Shadows informed him that Rhys and Feyre had retreated to their more secluded spot again, and Azriel felt a pang of envy.

A couple of fae rammed into him, slightly spilling their drink and apologising in a haste as they realised who they had just knocked into. He glowered down at them and shook his head, stalking back silently back to the booth.

He walked back to the booth where Elain was still seated, nursing a pink drink.

"What was that all about, Az?" she asked innocently, though her doe eyes betrayed her knowing nature.

"It was nothing."

"You were clearly distraught, Az."

"My shadows sensed something was wrong, that's all, Elain."

"Lucien and Y/N?" Elain asked gently, her hand reaching for his gloved hands.

Azriel looked down at her delicate skin brushing against his black leather glove and he felt a sudden overwhelming contrast between the two. He removed his hand from hers, realizing how mismatched they were.

Cassian and Nesta complemented each other perfectly, a match made from the Cauldron itself. Feyre and Rhys shared a love and trust so profound, it was interwoven within their powers.

But what did he have with Elain, other than a forced interest in gardening and her white and pink flowers?

"They're just dancing, it's fine," he told her, his voice numb. He couldn't help but look back at you and Lucien, still writhing against each other on the dance floor in ways that supposedly platonic friends shouldn't.

Lucien's hands were still firmly on your waist as you both gyrated, laughing and singing along to the music. You'd blame it all on the alcohol the next day, if asked about your actions. Azriel knew that, just as he'd experienced countless nights where Cassian or Rhys had kissed him during similar inebriated moments.

Beside you two, Nesta and Cassian mirrored your movements, seemingly unfazed by the intimate nature of your dance. The club's flashing colors continued to shift and flash all around Azriel, in strikes of pink, blue and green but all he saw was red, and he did not

Know

Why.

---

read part three here dearies !!

taglist for shadows of destiny : @allyjoe755 @impossibelle @t0uch-starved-h0e @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @marina468 @cassan1306

[litnerdwrites]

Justice for Nesta recs (AO3)

Most, if not all, of these recs are in the Justice for Nesta/ ACOSF rewrite/fix-it vein. It will be updates as I find more fics, but feel free to send any recs you have.

TRIGGER WARNING! Many of these fics will be very dark, with references to suicide, ptsd, misogyny, and IC BS. However, I'll be sure to add specifics where applicable.

Fics For Those Craving Nesta JusticeI put all the fics I found into one collection on AO3 that, as the title suggests, are for those craving Nesta Justice. Please read the relevant tags for each fic, as many of them contain reference to PTSD, SA (both past referenced and in story), and general IC BS.

I'll also list every fic in this collection bellow, just to keep them all in one place. Feel free to also add your own finds or works if you have any. The collection is open, but moderated.

Those the Stars Cannot Hear by @kataraavatara An ACOSF rewrite where Mor makes good on her threat to leave Nesta in the CON.

Baby, now we got bad blood by Pumpkinspice_Lou They say you should never come between a male and his mate. Rhysand should've known better. Aka Cassian finally choosing Nesta. Completed two-shot.

A Court of Vice and Victors by Wishcamper Acosf rewritten by a therapist. Need I say more? Incomplete.

You Made Her Like That By BookWorm77071 A few days into their Hike from Hell, Nesta is able to form one coherent thought: I don't want to do this anymore. So she stops. Three chapter short story. Completed.

Nesta becomes a baby by Theladyofbloodshed Exactly what the title says. Oneshot.

A Court of Tangled Flames by Theladyofbloodshed A Neris fic where Nesta gets the love story she deserves.

ACOTAR snippet collection by Theladyofbloodshed A collection of Acotar what ifs.

Nesta vs. The Buffer by Theladyofbloodshed After Nesta finally snaps at another 'family' dinner, calling Cassian and Mor out on their shit, she begins to heal and fall in love on her own terms. With a certain shadowsinger. Completed. Nezriel fic. Anti IC but they kind of redeem themselves at the end. Completed.

AU Where We Pretend Acosf Didn't Happen by Theladyofbloodshed An alternative take to ACOSF, starting from post ACOFS. Nesta ends up leaving Velaris, starting herself on a journey of self discovery and healing. TW Beron Vansera, implied/referenced SA, IC being assholes.

Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream by This_Immortal_Hope Nesta was a wolf. So, much like a wolf, she bided her time, accepting her exile with ice in her and determination in her heart. When she was ready, she tore their Court of Dreams apart with their own hypocrisy. One shot. No ship. Rhysand is thoroughly put in his place. Oneshot.

Second Chances by miryamdev Cassian apologises to Nesta after the HOFAS bonus chapter.

A trick of the light by closet_monster There was nothing condemning about madness or paralyzing fear. Nesta was familiar with both — they seemed to be a recurring theme in both womanhood and life in Hewn. Oneshot. TW Depression, self harm, and implied abuse. Please double check the tags before reading.

Burn for Eternity by rosemai Nesta is defeated and broken down by the words of her sisters and the IC, so she takes matters into her own hands and meets a group on individuals who could give her the help she needs. Incomplete.

Nesta's Truth by grovellingboyfriends After another year of leaving Nesta alone, Cassian finds Nesta in her apartment on Solstice, standing over a dead man. TW for implied SA, parental abuse, Elain is a bitch. 3/5 chapters published as of making this post.

Daylight by Flowerflamestar Nesta Archeron, banished and betrayed, ran from cold and hatred straight into the light of Day and found a place where she could belong. Completed.

Might I Suggest You Don't Fuck With My Sis by MacabreGiggles The intervention rethought, where the Archeron sisters decide to stand up for one another and put the IC in their place. Incomplete.

I died. I will die. It's alright. I don't mind. By MacabreGiggles Nesta resorts to other means to cope, like drugs. Incomplete. TW. Abuse. Alcolism. Suicide. Sexual assault. Drug abuse.

The Veil of Silence by Hrizantemy There exists a veil of silence, it shrouds our voices masking our truths, muffling our cries, our voices are muted, and dreams whispered. Incomplete.

You're a crisis of my faith by porque_nolosdos Nesta and Elain leave the NC, and upon seeing the IC's reaction, Feyre decides to ditch them too. Incomplete.

A thousand cuts by adelindschade It finally clicks for Cassian just how badly Nesta was hurting (it only took three TW suicide TW attempts), so he decides to try thinking of what Nesta would want. This decision leaves a ripple effect that will change the NC as we know it. Incomplete.

The consequences of normality by TheTeaQueen After the events of ACOSF, things seem relatively normal. Until Cassian realises that Nesta doesn't ask for things, or that self hatred still grips her, or the facade she puts on for her family. When she starts cutting back on training and work in the library, he begins to worry. Maybe things aren't as perfect as he thought. Maybe their methods in helping her weren't as effective as he thought. Incomplete.

Three little words by TheTeaQueen Cassian finally says those three little words that Nesta needed to hear. Oneshot.

Like fire, she raged by TheTeaQueen Emerie stands up for Nesta and puts Rhys and Feyre in their place. Completed.

Of Death and Resurrection by TheTeaQueen Part 1 of In the name of healing and happiness. Nesta was ready to die. So to save Feyre and Nyx, she did. Can Rhysand, the only person who can save her, bring her back from the brink? Completed. TW Implied suicide, rape/sa, anti Elain.

Of Shadows and Light by TheTeaQueen Part 2 of In the name of healing and happiness. Technically more of a Gwynriel fic, but does have some Nessian since it follows the aftermath of Of death and Resurrection, only Azriel, Gwyn & Elain are the main focus. Ties up a lose thread or two from part 1, and is 100% Anti Elain. Completed. TW Implied child abuse, implied suicide, torture.

Of Reopened Wounds and Retribution by TheTeaQueen Part 3 of In the name of healing and happiness. A trip to the human lands to discuss the treaty leads Nesta to face Thomas Mandray again. This time, she has family willing to go to hell and back for her. Incomplete. TW Implied rape/sa, panic attack.

Lady Death and Her Kingdom by TheTeaQueen Amren pushes Nesta too far, causing her to awaken a strange new power. TW Implied child abuse. Incomplete.

The Hike, Alternatively by TheTeaQueen An alternative take on The Hike from Hell, where Nesta attempt to TW commit suicide TW, and Cassian realises just how messed up their methods, and the events leading up to the hike are. Written for Suicide prevention month. Completed. TW Self harm, suicide, The Hike.

To Pay a Debt by TheTeaQueen When Nesta sees that Feyre didn't include her in any of the paintings, she does the only thing she can think of; Run. Incomplete. TW, attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, mentioned sa.

Burning from the Inside out by TheTeaQueen An au where Nesta's secretly lived with Chronic pain her whole life, only for the cauldron and her new powers to exacerbate it. Complete. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, suicidal thoughts, ableism, internalised ableism.

The Whole Truth by TheTeaQueen An alternative take where Nesta's deepest secret comes to light when Elain explodes at the dinner table one night. This forces the IC and her sisters to reevaluate their perception of her. Incomplete. TW: Child abuse, suicidal thoughts/ideation, forced prostitution, sexual assault (underage!!)

Set my Soul Alight by moodymelanist Nesta finds solace in Autumn. No Nessian. Completed. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced rape, implied/referenced torture.

Falling by becauseofreading Another take on what happens after Cassian tells Nesta that everybody hates her. Incomplete. TW Self harm, suicidal thoughts, blood and injuries.

Destruction and Renewal by Vorbi Nesta is given the opportunity to form new alliances. Initially, she scoffs at the idea, but after a small, final act of disrespect from the IC, she decides to see where this new path leads us. Incomplete. TW Implied/referenced abuse.

No One Likes A Mad Woman by Separatist_Apologist You made her like that. Nesta has had her choices tripped away, so when Eris offers her an out, she takes it. No happy ending for Cassian. The Night Court gets no sympathy. Completed. TW Domestic violence

A Cup of Tea by shaziskhalid After realising that the Cassian of her dreams isn't the Cassian she's mated to, everything changed. (MCU! Wanda, modern Au). Incomplete.

Promise by Daughterofthesea Begins during that scene where Cassian follows Nesta, and ends with him understanding just how much pain she's in, and deciding to actually help her.

Stay here (I love you, but I need another year) by littleplease Nesta is tired, and losing the will to even try. Complete. TW Apathy, depression, vuage suicidal thoughts.

What you did to me (I'll spend my life trying to rise) by filthymouthedslut Nesta is done with the IC's holier-than-thou attitude. No ship. Incomplete (3/4) as of updating this post.

Everybody hates you by Booksandsushi A different take on the time Cassian tells Nesta that Everybody hates her. Incomplete.

Change is good by Booksandsushi Nesta figures her life out on her own. Complete.

Truth of the Heart By TheFreakPanda The months after ACOFAS leave Nesta presented with some new opportunities. Full of therapy and dancing. Completed.

I've Always Liked to Play with Fire by catalyste After her village is destroyed and family killed by Hybern following Feyre's revenge mission, you wake up healed in the NC. After Lucien leaves you there, you find yourself trapped with Nesta Archeron, who turns out to be an unlikely ally. The two of you plan your escape with the help of Eris Vansera. Polly, Neris/reader, with IC bashing, and dragons. Incomplete.

The relapse by Janes_Melodies Something broke in Nesta when she learned about the results of the vote, knowing it was a tie until Feyre. She was trying for her sisters and for Cassian, yet they still think she's cruel enough to create a whole new trove just to kill them all. For the first time in months, she gave into her desires. Incomplete. TW Alcoholism, Implied/referenced self harm, suicidal thoughts.

You're safe now by annieleonhardtsring Rewrite of the scene where Nesta falls down the stairs, and Azriel stands up for her. Complete.

Love her how she should be loved by julemmaes Cassian overhears his family making some not-so-subtle comments about Nesta, and it pushes him over the edge. So he goes to bat for her, blaming his friends for everything wrong with their relationship with his girlfriend. Modern AU completed.

The Nest World - The Next Life by bat_called_phil ACOSF canon divergence fic that starts with the intervention, but diverts when Nesta takes a stand for herself, and Feyre starts holding Rhys accountable. TW Implied/referenced suicide, Implied/referenced abortion.

A Court of Spite and Isolation by xxTAO Nesta choses the human lands, separated from the IC and the distractions from her trauma, she spirals. Incomplete (4/6) TW Suicidal thoughts, Implied/referenced alcoholism, Suicide attempt.

Come Home by Rhysanoodle Cassian learns how Nesta's been living since she came to Illyria, and which fears haunt her the most. Complete.

[parkerslatte]

Strings That Bind Us | Part 1

Azriel x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: she/her pronouns used. fluff and a smidge of angst.

Summary: Y/N owns a small bookstore in Velaris. When she struggles to take her stock in, a handsome stranger approaches her and offers her help. She accepts the help and Y/N insists on making him dinner for his help. Azriel originally denies this but he finds himself eventually saying yes for reasons he doesn’t understand quite yet.

A/N: I might write a part 2 if anyone wants it :)

ACOTAR Masterlist

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

•••

The boxes of new books were stacked on top of one another and Y/N stared up at it deciding internally how to tackle it. It was the middle of summer and Y/N was already sweating just from arranging her store all day. Now as she stood before the stacks of books she let out a sigh and rolled up her sleeves. The first box wasn’t too big and was easy to carry inside and place by the counter. Y/N had only moved one box and she was already beginning to sweat. 

The next few boxes were bigger and Y/N silently cursed. If the delivery had been on any other day it would have been fine, but the stock had decided to show up on the hottest day of the year. Y/N tried her best to manouver herself in a position where she could grip the box but every position she tried proved useless. It wasn’t as if the box was too heavy, it was only that it was an awkward size to carry. 

Y/N gave a small wave and smile to the crowds who walked past. She wanted to speak up and ask for help but everyone she looked at seemed to be having a nice day and she didn’t want to interrupt them. Y/N suffered in silence. And the heat. 

After awkwardly moving the second box into the store she let out a breath and fanned herself with her hands. It was too warm for the shirt and trousers she had decided to wear. Even if she could easily run up to her apartment situated above her store, she decided not to, not with the stacks of books sitting outside. 

The third box she moved into the store made a dent in the stacks but there was still plenty more to go. Y/N didn’t know why she had decided to double her order of books for the month, it seemed like a good decision at the time knowing that her stock wouldn’t sell out any time soon. But not after only moving a few boxes she regretted it immensely. 

“Do you need any help?” A voice asked from behind her as Y/N pushed the next box through the door. 

Y/N turned and faced the source of the voice and her breath was swept away from her. The stranger in front of her was handsome, handsome in the way she read about in books. Of course she knew who he was, nearly everyone in Velaris did. Standing before her was the High Lord’s very own shadowsinger. 

Y/N sagged against the box. “That would actually be really helpful.”

The shadowsinger, Azriel, stepped up to the box Y/N had started to push through the doorway and picked it up with ease. Y/N gaped. If only she had arms like his then maybe she could have done that. 

“Where do you want it?” he questioned. 

Y/N shook her head, bringing her attention from his arms to his eyes which wasn’t much better as they were a beautiful shade of hazel and seemed to glow in the lighting of her store. “Oh, just by the counter is fine.”

Y/N moved onto the next box and began to push it towards the entrance before Azriel swiftly picked it up and carried it into the store. Y/N followed him in. “You know if I had long arms like you, I would be able to do that too.”

“Sure,” he replied as he placed it down beside the counter with the rest of the boxes. 

He exited the store and didn’t return for a moment and Y/N guessed that he had disappeared. Even the brief thought sent a twinge of disappointment through her. However before she could dwell on it any further, Azriel came into the store once more carrying two boxes. 

Y/N folded her arms across her chest. “Okay, now you’re just showing off.”

Azriel placed them down beside the others and there was a hint of a smile on his face. It was barely visible but it was there. While he brought the last few boxes in, Y/N began to open them and began to make stacks of them alphabetically. From looking at how many books were in one box, she dreaded thinking of where she would put them all. Of course she had gaps in her shelves but there weren’t nearly enough for every book to go. 

“Do you need any more help?” Azriel asked as he lingered near the door, wings blocking out a lot of light. 

Y/N’s attention shifted from the books to Azriel and back to the books. “If you could help unbox everything it would help me a lot.”

Azriel gave her a nod before he stepped over to a box and began to open it and sacked the books as Y/N had been doing, even in alphabetical order. Y/N smiled before moving onto a box of her own. 

“Do you work here alone?” Azriel asked. 

“I do,” Y/N answered. “I’ve had this store for over one hundred years. It’s still going strong.”

“It seems well loved,” Azriel commented as he sorted through the books. 

“I take great pride in it,” Y/N said, taking a moment to glance around. Her store felt like home. “Do you read?”

“Not as much as I would like,” Azriel answered. 

“I suppose with your job, you find it hard to find a quiet time to relax and open a book,” Y/N said as she opened another box. 

Azriel only nodded as he continued to organise the books alphabetically, even going as far to slip the ones he had between the pile she had created. Y/N watched from the corner of her eye. If she had known that morning that the shadowsinger would be helping her organise books she wouldn’t have believed it.

“Do you read a lot?” Azriel asked. 

Y/N nodded enthusiastically. “I love to read! Anything and everything, it's partly the reason why I wanted to open this store. I wanted to share all the books I enjoy with people. Even if I might be a little biassed towards some of my favourites.”

“Is that why I have opened one box only filled with the same book?” Azriel asked, his tone holding a small hint of teasing. 

Y/N smiled. “That book is my favourite, about a million miles above any other I’ve read.”

“It’s special to you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

“It is,” Y/N said, her gaze softening. “My mother and father always read that book to me while growing up, they always insisted that they read me different books but I always wanted that one. I still have the copy they read to me, the cover is nearly falling off and some of the pages are falling out but I refuse to replace it. The book is really the only thing I have left of my parents.” Y/N paused for a moment and turned to glance at Azriel. “I’m sorry, I have quite a habit of oversharing sometimes. I just start talking and don’t really stop. I apologise if I made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Azriel said softly. “How did they die?”

Y/N shrugged. “That’s the issue, I don’t really know. Originally I am from the Summer Court and my parents lived in a small cottage basically in isolation. There weren’t many others around. I visited them one day and found the whole cottage ransacked and they were nowhere to be seen, but there was blood everywhere, too much of it to know that they were alive. I came to Velaris not long after, my mother was originally from here.”

“I’m sorry,” Azriel said. 

Y/N shook her head. “You don’t need to apologise. And besides it was nearly two hundred years ago now, I try not to dwell on it too much. It happened and there was nothing I could have done but move on. I know my parents wouldn’t want me to sulk about it for my whole life. It was half the reason I opened this store, in their honour.”

“They would be proud of you,” Azriel said, looking at her. 

Y/N smiled. “I know they would.” She looked at the book scattered at her feet she she let out a sigh. “But they wouldn’t be proud of all of this mess though.”

Even with all of the categorised into alphabetical order, she knew that it was going to take her a long time to place them onto the shelves. It was already getting into the late afternoon and it was due to get dark soon. Y/N debated leaving it all to be a problem for the next day but she knew that she would keep putting it off if she left it any longer. 

“I can help put them on the shelves as well,” Azriel said. 

Y/N looked at him and shook her head. “I wouldn’t wish for you to do that. You’ve done so much for me already.”

“It wouldn’t be an issue,” Azriel said and moved towards a stack of books and picked them up. 

Y/N sighed, knowing that she wasn’t going to get him to leave anytime soon. “You can start in that corner over here, there’s a large gap in titles.” 

Azriel nodded before taking a pile of books in his arms and going to work in the corner Y/N had pointed to. Y/N stood and watched him. She wasn’t sure why the shadowsinger of the night court was helping her in her small bookstore. But as she watched as his brows furrowed in concentration as he read and sorted through the titles, she found herself smiling. 

Shadows swirled around Y/N’s feet as Azriel’s head turned to catch her eye. Once Y/N realised that she had been caught staring she quickly looked away to fuss over a stack of books on the opposite side of the store. However she turned away too fast. If she had waited only a second more she would have witnessed the small smile appear on Azriel’s face. 

***

“Thank you for your help,” Y/N said to Azriel as she placed the final few books on the shelves. It was dark outside now and the once bustling street was vacant and quiet. “I don’t know what I can do to repay you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Azriel said as he stood in the centre of the shop. 

“No,” Y/N said, turning to face him fully. “You’ve been here basically all day. You probably had things you wanted to do. The least I can do is make you dinner or something.”

“You really don’t need-”

“I insist,” Y/N said, folding her arms across her chest and stepped closer to Azriel. His shadows swirled around her feet again and Y/N felt the soft caresses on her ankles. “And don’t even argue with me because you won’t win.”

Y/N now stood directly in front of him and smiled up at him. Azriel looked down at her, fighting the urge to let the smile appear on his face. “Now, what do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t mind,” Azriel said, his voice unusually quiet. 

Y/N didn’t break eye contact as she slowly backed away from him. “Come on then, I only live upstairs.”

The stairs that granted Y/N access to her apartment were narrow and Azriel needed to tuck his wings in tight to even get up the stairs. Y/N quickly apologised to him as she quickened her pace to open the door at the top and let him into the spacious apartment. It wasn’t the largest apartment but it was open plan and granted Azriel the room to stretch his wings any way he wanted. 

“You can sit wherever you wish,” Y/N said. “Dinner hopefully won’t be too long. You’re not too hungry, are you? If you are I can just make something quickly but I did want to make you a nice mean because you have been really nice to me today and-”

“Y/N,” Azriel interrupted, a soft smile gracing his face and Y/N melted at the sight of it. “I’m okay with anything.”

“I do have my mother’s recipe for a soup that she used to make me all the time, it shouldn’t take too long.”

“It sounds perfect,” Azriel said, his smile widening the smallest amount. 

Y/N smiled back at him before swiftly turning to the kitchen area. She could feel Azriel’s gaze on her and her face heated up. Having the shadowsinger in her apartment was something she had never thought would happen, in fact the thought had never crossed her mind. She tried to ignore the feeling of Azriel’s gaze on her but she found it hard. As she prepared the ingredients she cast quick glances in the shadowsinger’s direction. 

He was now carefully inspecting her apartment and looking at the decoration. Upon first glance it looked quite cluttered but Azriel could tell that everything held a great significance. 

 It wasn’t too long later when Y/N served up the soup in two mismatched bowls. Azriel couldn’t fight back the smile at the childish pattern on his bowl. Y/N ‘s eyes glanced down at the bowl and a soft smile graced her features.

“I painted that bowl when I was a child,” she said. “There was originally a whole set of them but they have all broken over the years. That is the only one that is still intact.”

“It’s beautiful,” Azriel said, sparing one final glance at the pattern on the bowl before placing it down on the table to begin eating the soup. 

Y/N snorted. “You don’t need to be kind, I know it’s terrible.”

“But it means a lot to you,” Azriel said, his voice calm. “And that’s what makes it beautiful.”

“I suppose I have never thought of it that way,” Y/N said. “I’ve only ever thought of it as a silly painting I did in my childhood. But I guess it is beautiful in its own weird way.”

Azriel offered her a small smile before they both ate their soup in silence. It was comfortable. 

***

It was several days later when Azriel found himself walking down that familiar street. He wasn’t sure why he was outside when he had plenty of work to be doing but it was as if something called to him. Ever since he had spent the day with Y/N, he hadn’t been able to get her off of his mind. He had only spent a matter of hours with her but every small thing reminded him of her. When he saw Nesta’s stack of books, the titles were familiar as he remembered shelving them days ago. The drawing Nyx gave him when he visited, the childish art reminded him of Y/N’s bowl. Even while he slept he couldn’t seem to escape Y/N. She would appear in his dreams and Azriel found himself disappointed when he awoke to find her not with him. She was plaguing his mind. 

His pace slowed as he approached the familiar store. It was crowded and music seemed to flow from inside. Many left the store with wide smiles on their faces and carrying an assortment of bags. Azriel stood on the other side of the street and watched through the window, he could see Y/N behind the counter and he couldn’t help but smile. Her expression was calm as she greeted each customer that approached her. Despite the long line, no one seemed to be in a rush or angry. 

Azriel wanted to go in the store just to be close to Y/N again but he stopped himself from doing so and instead remained on the other side of the street. When Azriel was questioned where he was going, he didn’t know what to answer. Originally he didn’t think he would end up in front of Y/N’s store but as he walked through the city, his feet seemed to carry him there. 

The crowd in Y/N’s shop seemed to become emptier and emptier the longer Azriel lingered on the street. He had wanted to simply fly away and never think about Y/N again. But his body didn’t allow him to. It was as if he was stuck to the ground. 

Azriel’s gaze shifted to Y/N’s shop once again as he looked through the doorway. There were only a few customers in the store now. Y/N chatted with the customer in front of her, a wide smile on her face. It caused Azriel to smile. Not one of his forced smiles or a smile he did just because he felt like he needed to. It was a real, genuine smile. 

From inside the store, Y/N’s gaze shifted as if she felt someone looking at her. Her eyes met Azriel’s and her eyebrows furrowed before she brought her hand up and waved. Azriel froze as he was caught. He never had the intention of her spotting him across the street. Now as she smiled at him after handing over a bag of books to her final customer, Azriel swiftly turned on his heel and walked away from the store.

***

Y/N’s smile dropped as she watched Azriel walk away. Without thinking, she quickly raced out of the store and saw him already halfway down the street. She didn’t even lock her store before she took off down the street after him. If she was being completely honest with herself, she was hoping that the shadowsinger would show up at her store again. After cooking him dinner days ago, she had wanted to see him again. Each morning she had silently watched the door to her store hoping he would walk through. She felt guilty for her disappointment when it was just a regular customer. 

“Azriel!” Y/N yelled down the street. Many fae turned to look at her but she simply ignored them in her pursuit of the shadowsinger. 

Azriel must have heard her as he did slow his pace but didn’t stop completely. She increased her pace as she chased him down the busy street. As he turned a corner, she followed. There weren’t many others down this street and it was much quieter. 

“Azriel, slow down!” Y/N exclaimed, she was already growing tired. “I need to talk to you.”

Azriel’s pace faltered once again and it gave Y/N the opportunity to catch up. He was a few paces ahead of her and she reached out her hand and gently clasped his in hers. This made Azriel go still. 

“Finally, you stopped,” Y/N said, trying to catch her breath. “You know, you walk really fast?”

Azriel didn’t answer. He only looked at where Y/N clasped his hand in her’s. Y/N, however, didn’t notice how tense Azriel had become. 

“I was wondering if you were going to stop by anytime soon,” Y/N said. “The store has been so busy over the past few days and I’ve been working my ass off but it has been fun. Nearly all the books you shelved are gone now.” Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed as Azriel still continued to look at their joined hands. “What’s wrong?”

Azriel finally met Y/N’s eyes. He pulled his hand out of Y/N’s grip and folded his arms behind his back. “Nothing.”

Y/N looked at the way his body was still tense as she took a small step back. “I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner again? Or even just go for a drink?” 

Y/N’s heart was beating fast as she asked the question. She wasn’t sure where this confidence had come from but was grateful for it. 

Azriel looked at her hands where she nervously fiddled with her rings and he slowly nodded. Y/N let out a quiet sigh of relief. “Good, for a moment there I thought you would say no then I would have chased you down the street for nothing. So, which will it be? Dinner or a drink?”

“Why not both?” Azriel asked. 

Y/N smiled and the two began to walk to the main part of the city. It was still busy as they stopped by Y/N’s store for her to lock it up before continuing on their way to find a restaurant. The whole walk there, Azriel kept to himself, his hand locked behind his back. Y/N noticed the way he would flinch away as she accidentally brushed her arm with his. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable by touching you,” Y/N said. “I really wasn’t thinking. I just tried to make you stop.”

Azriel looked down at her, she was fiddling with her rings once more. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t?” Y/N said.

Azriel shook his head. “I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Me?” Y/N questioned. “Why would I be uncomfortable?”

Azriel swallowed as he brought his hands from where they were clasped behind his back to his front. He flexed his fingers as Y/N watched. 

“My scars,” Azriel said. “I thought they would make you uncomfortable.”

Y/N stopped in her tracks and furrowed her eyebrows. “Of course they wouldn’t make me uncomfortable.” Azriel slowly turned to her. “And I’m sorry if I did anything to make you feel that way.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Azriel said. “Please don’t apologise.”

Y/N looked at Azriel and noticed the hesitation in his eyes as he stared down at his hands. She followed his gaze before slowly clasping his hands in hers. Azriel tensed for a brief moment before he relaxed. 

“There is nothing about you that would make me uncomfortable,” Y/N said, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

“You barely know me,” Azriel said, his voice quiet.

“I know,” Y/N said. “That is true. But I do want to get to know you more if you’ll allow me. This sounds stupid but I was hoping that you would come to my store again. I’ve been keeping an eye on the door hoping that you would walk in.”

Azriel smiled. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. What does sound stupid is everything reminding me of a certain female and me thinking about her so much that it got to the point where I had to linger outside her shop for over an hour.”

Y/N laughed and clutched onto Azriel’s hands tighter. “Stalker,” she teased.

“I wanted to come in,” Azriel said frantically. “You were just busy and I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me.”

“Obviously I would want to see you,” Y/N said as she threaded their fingers together. She felt Azriel relax even more from her touch. “There's…just something about you that I am drawn to. And I’ll be happy to find out what that is.”

Azriel smiled as Y/N began to drag him down the street, their hands linked together. 

[yearning-for-autumn]

Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease do Eris x reader where the reader is chubby and Eris absolutely lives a thicc woman 🫶

(Just read your Eris series and omg you’re my new fav acotar fanfic author)

Little Black Dress

Summary - Eris hasn't been able to take his eyes off you all night, he decides he's had enough of watching...

Warnings - This is basically just smut

Pairings - Eris x Chubby!Reader

Word Count - 1,300

Eris licked his lips. That little black dress hugged every curve of your beautiful body. He was finding it incredibly difficult to focus on whatever Cassian was droning on about, although the general’s eyes were frequently wandering to his own mate.

You stood with Feyre and Vivienne, laughing at something, and sipping from a tall champagne flute. Eris’ mouth went dry at the thought of your tongue somewhere else.

“And then, I was banished from the Summer Court.” Cassian finished, “Can you believe that!”

Eris blamed you entirely for his current situation. You were Feyre’s friend before you were his mate, living in Velaris after the war as an artist. After your mother fell ill, you had moved back to the Autumn Court, where you had met Eris, and the mating bond snapped.

You were smiling to yourself, completely aware of your mates gaze roaming your body and getting frequently stuck on your breasts. Looking up at Eris from under your eyelashes, you sipped your champagne knowingly. He knew he was being obvious with his staring, but who could blame him when you looked that good.

“Yeah, yeah that’s unbelievable.” He said, waving Cassian off. Whilst you wanted him to make an effort to befriend your Night Court friends, he still didn’t like them.

A male from the winter court offered you his hand, and with a wink in Eris’ direction you took it. His hands balled into fists.

The Winter Court male was a good dancer, he led you across the floor in a graceful waltz. He wasn’t as good as Eris. In one move he had unlaced the males hand from yours and replaced it with his own, pushing him to the side with his shoulder so that he was now leading you around the ballroom without missing a beat. You smiled up at him with a playful roll of your eyes.

“Eris, he was being polite.” You said, humour dancing in your voice. Eris huffed.

“You’re mine.” He said simply. “No one else gets to have you, to dance with you,” He leaned down to whisper in your ear, “To ravish you.”

You giggled, music to his ears and he leaned down to kiss your soft neck. Your tits teased him from this angle, pushed up by your dress they looked even more tempting than usual. His breath was hot against your skin.

“I’m taking you home.” He announced, giving you just a moment to gasp as he pulled you towards him and winnowed you away.

As soon as you got home, Eris pushed you down onto the bed and took you in. Cauldron you looked good enough to eat. Your thick thighs were parted slightly, hands resting on the curve of your stomach. At the beginning of your relationship you had doubted, only for a moment, that someone like Eris would want a girl like you. You doubted nothing now. Not with the way his eyes roamed your plush body.

Eris liked big girls, and he fucking loved you.

“Eris, stop staring and do something about it.” You complained, “You know, I was actually enjoying that ball, you better have something good planned.”

“Oh, trust me, what I have planned for you is much better.” He promised.

He tapped your thigh, and you rolled over onto your stomach, presenting your ass. You arched your back slightly and Eris growled low in his throat. His hands kneaded your ass gently as he shifted you just where he wanted you. You had no warning before he pushed your panties to the side and swiped his fingers through your wetness.

He paused to dip his own fingers past his lips, sucking your juices from his fingers, eyes rolling back at the taste of you.

“Fucking soaked for me.”

You let out a breathy moan, unable to drag your eyes from him as he bowed his head and drank you straight from the source. Heat engulfed your core, legs shaking as you tried to keep from clenching around his head and burying him in your pussy. It was becoming increasingly hard as he growled into you, lapping at your wetness and sucking hungrily at your clit. Pressure was building at the base of your spine, white hot heat lapping at your stomach with every pass of his skillful tongue. Whining, you pulled on his hair, trying to pull him back, to pull him up your body and have him fuck you, but the tight pain in his scalp only wrenched a deep groan from his chest and urged him on.

“Eris, Eris,” You panted, “Please, fuck me, please.”

You knew you were babbling, but his relentless tongue was hindering your ability to think straight. He had scrambled your brain. With a devilish smile, he relinquished his feasting and drew himself up to kiss you, gentler than you were expecting. You frowned,

“I want you to ride me, sweetheart.” He said. A low moan escaped you as your pussy clenched hard around nothing, begging to be filled. You squirmed under him, and he ducked his head, sucking a mark into your neck, grazing his sharp teeth against the tender spot just under your ear. The throbbing in your core only intensified.

“Come on sweetheart,” He huffed in your ear, hips grinding against yours as he lost the last few shreds of his self control, “I need to be inside you. Baby. Come on.”

He rolled off of you, propping himself up slightly against the pillows. Pulling his pants off, he patted his naked thighs, and you crawled over him, sitting down gingerly on his legs and rocking your clothed heat against him absent-mindedly. He tore your panties down the sides and chucked them over the side of the bed, ignoring your rolling eyes as you whined at the contact of your wetness with his throbbing cock. You made to unlace your dress, but his hands over yours stopped you.

“No, you look—” He broke off with a moan as you dragged your hips down over his hardness, “Fuck, I want you to fucking ride me in that dress, sweetheart. Show me how you fuck yourself on me.”

You took his cock in your hands and eased yourself onto him, letting out a low, ragged moan as he filled you, every nerve on fire as you clenched around him greedily. Eris watched with hungry eyes as you bounced with abandon in his lap, your tits right in front of his face. He pulled your dress down to latch onto your nipple, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin, sending sparks down your spine to your tightening core, heat pooling low in your stomach. You moaned unabashedly, not caring about any guards that might be passing in the hallway, and Eris bit down harder.

Pushing him back, you pulled your dress down further so that your tits spilled free, bouncing in time with your body as you dropped yourself down hard onto Eris cock. His hands came to knead the swell of your thighs, fingers close to leaving bruises. You panted, the tightness in your core becoming almost unbearable. You needed to come. Needed Eris to come deep inside of you. But the precipice was just out of reach. Whining, you rocked forwards, grinding down and trying to find some pressure on your sensitive clit. Eris growled, reaching down and circling your clit with a teasing finger.

“You look so pretty baby,” He said, voice strained with pleasure, “Come for me, come on my cock.”

“Need you,” You breathed out, “Need you harder, Eris.”

Eris was lavishing attention on your swollen clit with one hand, and the other tightened around your plump waist, taking the opportunity to massage the softness of your skin before pulling you down hard, bucking his hips up furiously as he brought you closer and closer. You moaned impossibly louder, hands raking down his chest, pulling on his hair. He whimpered, and the helpless sound pushed you over the edge. Your hands tightened against his scalp as you came with a scream, clenching rhythmically around him. Eris followed quickly after, burying his face between your tits.

You eased yourself off of him, and curled up into his side, kissing his shoulder. He smiled, a dreamy and fucked out look in his eyes.

“I’m so glad you wore that dress.”

A/N - I hope you enjoyed and I hope I did your request justice!! Also I got a new divider thing from @saradika-graphics !! Doesn't it look amazing!!

[thereadinggremlin]

Guarded Hearts pt 3

Summary: You find out Azriels your mate but you start getting the could shoulder from him after he returns from a mission.

Authors Note- Ok. I did it. Finally finished my first ACOTAR fanfic. I have ideas for more but if anyone has some send them my way. Anyways. Enjoy

As the shadow dissapeared and you heard Rhys’s voice you knew you were out of time. You started to grab your stuff for a quick getaway, not that you could winnow but you could fly pretty fast. Figuring he’d be there any minute you decided that leaving out the back door would give you a few minute head start. That idea was shattered as he showed up less than 30 feet away from you, for a moment you just stood there looking at him and then you shot to the skies, your stuff be damned.

You had some idea of where you were going but what you really needed was to just get away from him. Everything you were feeling was too much. Why would he send his shadows after you, he didn’t care, he made that evident in the way that he has ignored you for the last month. You had been up here for awhile before he probably even realized that you weren’t around.

You spent one spare second to look behind you and there he was hot on your heels and trying to catch up to you and then you felt a tug. You didn’t know your sheilds were down for that long unless…

You shit straight up knowing he would follow, you stopped and waited, as he appeared tou yelled to him “How long?” The hot tears pooling in your eyes.

He just stared at you, not saying anything, when you focused on the bond you felt a mix of sadness and happiness and knew that these were not your feelings.

“I will let you know when I’m ready, if you ask anyone or send your shadows after me, you will regret it.” You said as you flew away and left him there in the cold air with nothing but the feeling of betrayal and hurt coursing through the bond.

He didn’t know what to do. After you left he returned to the cabin and looked around, your books and other belongings still scattered all over the place. He started gathering all of them up to take them back home, he knew you wouldn’t return here since he found you but he did think that having them in your room at the house of wind would be better.

In your collection of books he found a notebook, it seemed like a journal or diary and it seemed you had started it just before you apparently left home. He dropped onto the couch to start reading and he closed off the bond again, he didn't want you to know he was snooping and he was too scared that if he didn’t guard himself all his feelings would go down the bond to you.

As he started to read, his heart fell into his stomach. He didn’t realize that his actions had hurt you so much, he thought he was protecting you. He didn’t want to rush you into the bond but apparently all he did was push you away.

He got halfway through the notebook when he saw one of your few entries since you arrived at the cabin

“Ive been at the cabin for a while and everyone’s left me alone, which is good, but I can’t help to think of Azriel has noticed if I left or not. Regardless of how he’s treated me recently I still love him, I can’t help but love him and right now, I don’t know if I like how I feel about it. I know he’s my mate but I can’t keep taking the heartbreak.”

He dropped the notebook. You knew. You knew and you never told him. He couldn’t get mad because he had known for a long time too. He was cursing himself from guarding the bond for so long, he could have avoided this whole thing if he just stopped to talk to you. He picked up all of your stuff and returned to the house of wind, he needed to make a plan and try to get you to forgive him.

You flew until your wings ached, the lake you always loved was quiet and serene. You always came here when you needed to think it was a secret spot only you and one other knew of. You didn’t get much time to yourself before he showed up.

“So you wanna talk about it?” Cassian drawled out.

“Is there really any point” you stated flatly “And how did you know if even be here?”

“Well I was around when Azriel was questioning Rhys and when he left I knew if he found you this would be the place you’d escape to” he gave you a small smile “I’m surprised that you beat me here honestly, I thought you forgot about this place.”

“I could never. This place is so peaceful, I just haven’t had the time to fly out” you said with a sad smile. After bad missions you and Cassian would come here to let the steam out, fight, cry, or just sit there quiet. After he found out Nesta was his mate the two of you sat here on the waters edge for hours while he just sat there and thought about her.

“You know he loves you” Cassian said taking you out of your memories. Startled you just stared at him “yeah I figured you didn’t know, he’s loved you for a long time”

“He’s my mate.”

“I know.” She looked at him, surprise cascading across her face.

“How did you know?”

“I’ve known since it snapped in place for him. I picked up on the little changes and all the glances he passed your way. Dudes whipped.”

You were baffled. Azriel felt the same and knows of the bond. So many emotions were coursing through you and your one thought was to tug on that string of warmth that you’ve felt in your chest. When you tugged on the bond, you were created with nothing but cold and darkness.

“What if I messed it all up?” You ask your friend.

“I can guarantee that you didnt. Rhys has been threatening me to come back and get that man under control because he’s acting strange and his shadows are no where to be found.” He paused as he looked at you “Leta go home, you don’t have to talk to him about everything today but at least try to slowly let him in.”

All you responded with was a nod of your head. You didn’t know what you’d do but you decided that you’ll find out once you see him in person.

The flight back to the house of wind was a quiet one, you and Cassian landed in the balcony outside of the dinning room thinking nothing much would be going on. As you both started to walk in you noticed that all your favorite flowers were delicately decorating the dinning room, it wasn’t too much but there were little touches here and there. You froze as you hear the familiar footfall of a certain shadow singer, they stopped abruptly so you know he noticed you.

Before either of you could say a thing Cassian cleared his throat “So are you just gonna stare at each other or……”

“You better leave them alone or I’m gonna beat your ass during training tomorrow” you heard Nesta yell from the hallway. A small smile graced your face as Cassian shrugged and left the two of you.

“I’m sor-“

“I’m so sorry I have been an asshole that was never my intention, I don’t want to push you away” Azriel blurted cutting you off. “I didn’t want to pressure you into anything and I wanted you to make your own decisions, you’ve turned into such a strong female that I never wanted to dim that or make you feel less because I think you deserve the world”

He was talking so fast it took a minute for your brain to catch on to what he was saying. He’s noticed everything and remembered it, and liked you more because of what you accomplished.

“Take your shield off of the bond.” You stated flatly. You needed to know if what he was saying truly matched how he felt. “Take your shield off and then we can discuss it all.”

Within an instant you felt everything; love, worry, agony, hopefulness. He truly wanted this life with you. As you looked into his eyes they matched all the feelings you were feeling down the bond.

You slowly started approaching him, staying slow as to not scare him but he still stiffened his back not knowing what you were going to do. You stood right in front of him looking up at his eyes and feeling his breath mingle with yours, you were both breathing heavy with anticipation. You leaned up and kissed him on his cheek.

“There’s a lot we need to talk about” his eyes sank a little as you spoke “but I really want to figure this out with you. Just don’t keep anything hidden from me, you know you can just talk to me.” You finished with a smile on your face.

Azriel smiled instantly at your words and before you could process it he picked you up and spun you around. As he was holding you he leaned in and kissed you. You were very surprised at the immediate affection from him but you weren’t gonna fight it because you had been dreaming of this day since you met him.

As he set you down he pulled back and was about to apologize but then he noticed the blush on your cheeks that spread to your ears. “We can talk about everything and anything you want.” He said instead

“Oh really? Then how about you tell me how it went back at the camp I grew up in when you were there to settle things.” You asked with a mischievous look in your eyes.

“Ok anything but that” Azriel responded with a chuckle, and it was the most beautiful sound you ever heard.

Maybe you two could get over this and have a beautiful life together and by the cauldron you sure hoped so.

Tag list: @crazylokonugget @kalulakunundrum @mp-littlebit @hnyclover @nickishadow139 @isa1b2h3

[stormhearty]

Death's Magic

Note: This is an idea that I’ve had for awhile, though the original idea had a merge with the World of Harry Potter, I thought it might have been better and easier to just keep it in the world of ACOTAR but change up a few things. please do forgive if I have some wrong information, I have only read up to ACOWAR. This scene is based on chapter 58-59 of A Court of Mist and Fury when Velaris was attacked by the Attor-like creatures. Also, I wrote this in Notion and decided to put it in Word to see how long it was — it was 5+ pages and I was like wow.

Summary: When the truth of your powers is revealed to your bonded mates, Eris and Rhysand, and your Court, histories are exposed, insecurities are talked about. But you know… all you know despite the navigating that your mates will always be with you.

Word Count: 3k

Triggers: death, fighting, insecurities

Parings: Eris x Death!Reader x Rhysand (feat. Night Court characters)

“You will never know how that child’s feels…” Armen growled, silver eyes glowing as she glared at the two lords that held her lady. Eyes shifted from the two males, that was bonded to the female that was at the center of everything, those silver eyes shifted from pure anger to something softer — something that was rarely seen with the ancient being. Eris brought you closer to his arms, as he watched Rhysand’s hand gently caress your brows, the two of them hoping you’d wake up to explain what had happened in the span of twenty-four hours.

It had been a long day for everyone in that room — the attack on Velaris by the Attor by Hybern, shook everyone to their core. None of them thought that the King would be able to break through the shields that surrounded the city; however, he did and almost plunged their home into destruction. Cassian and Azriel were barely able to winnow to the city on time to try to defend it. Mor had been away on official business while Armen was with Varian at the Autumn Court with Eris to try to convince Eris’ father to fight against Hybern. Velaris’ High Lord was on a search, attempting to find Myriam and Drakon to help with the looming threat that is Hybern. It had left the city vulnerable, the King believing it was an easy attempt to wipe out its growing enemy without its High Lord and protectors. However, it was futile, unaware of the shadow and darkness that lingered there — that you had stayed behind to quietly protect the city.

When you had been introduced by Armen to the Inner Circle, you were a person of mysterious origin — the Inner Circle very wary about you, for a very good reason. The only reason why you were able to stay in Valeris was because of Armen. She was able to find you a place to stay in the outskirts of the city, accompanying you to every Inner Circle meeting and staying by your side while you had adjusted to your new life. Whenever Rhysand had inquired about you — your history, your origin, you in general, Armen had become over-protective — silencing the Night Court Lord with just a glare.

“Her past is something I cannot share. She has her own darkness, that she has to hide to live with us in the light. Do not inquire anymore than you should. She is loyal, that is the only thing you should know about her,” was the only thing that Armen would ever share.

You had accompanied him and the Inner Circle — as the substitute of Armen when the ancient being was busy or reluctant of accompanying the group to another Court. You had been nothing but a whisp of shadow during those times, similar to Azriel, hiding within the shadows, watching over those who lived in the light.

One day when you had accompanied Rhysand to the Autumn Court to visit its High Lord. Another attempt to convince the Vanserra Lord to rally against Hybern. When the two of you had stepped into the massive throne room, you were greeted by the eldest Vanserra son. The three of you looked at one another before you felt a snap against your chest.

You pressed a gloved hand against your chest, it was an unusual feeling for you; however, you watched as the High Lord and the High Lord heir collapse onto their knees, feeling on how strong that snap was against their chest.

Brows furrowed as you watched them in confusion — their panting, and their equal amount of confusion as they looked at each other before turning to you, violet and amber eyes staring at you. Silence surrounded the three of you, and a heartbeat later, the two of them stood up, slowly surrounding you. Tilting your head up to look at the two, confusion still evident in your features, “… Are you two alright?” you voiced.

Apparently you had no idea what had just transpired, and the only thing that had to be said was, “… You are our mate…”

It had been a long, winding road for Eris and Rhysand to accept that they shared a mate. It was difficult… you rarely opened up to either of them, it was a slow tedious thing, and Eris was rarely available to grow the mating bond with you. The three of you had to meet in secret to ensure the safety of this bond. The bond had made both males over protective and Rhysand understood why Armen was so, over you. Both of them could feel the obscurity on your side of the bond, them understand that you had no idea what it had meant to be in a Cauldron-blessed bond. It took a lot on both their end to figure you out, open you up to the point you trusted them, and in turn, trust you.

By the time Rhysand had winnowed to the House of Wind where the Attor had been successful in infiltrating, the High Lord had found you — your delicate stature fighting against the Attor. Magic fighting against magic, anything that Attor tried to use against you would bounce off the glimmering shield of darkness that surrounds you. Rhysand watched you, your movement swift and smooth, much like the creature you fought; as if you were the wind itself, you were shadow itself. He felt the air move around him, feeling his brothers and the rest of the Inner Court arriving, watching the scene fold in front of them. Rhysand watched as Armen arrive with Varian in toe, eyes widening slightly as he saw Eris arrive along with them. Eris moved, fighting against the wind that swirled around the throne room towards the High Lord of Night Court, towards his mate. Eris placed a hand on Rhysand’s shoulder, a movement of support as they locked eyes for a moment before looking back at the fight — back to the third of their mating bond — towards you.

All of them watched as a slender hand reached above, magic pulsating around them as another wind of glimmer and darkness wafted through the air — growing wider and bigger. Rhysand watched as that shield surrounded not only him but his family and soon his whole home. Eyes looking out the window to see a swarm of Attor-like creatures, flying towards the open balcony, attempt to enter the House of Wind, only to be stopped by the barrier. The magic preventing the destruction of his home.

A high shrill scream returned his attention to the action, Rhysand’s body entering into fight mode. Violet eyes looked back at fight, watching as your figure was enshroud by a shadow, one that grew large until it was large enough to reach the ceiling of the throne room. Cloaked in black robes, hood drawn over its head — a creature much like the Attor itself, much like the Suriel, something similar to the Bone Carver in the Prison, to the Weaver in the Middle — but they knew that this creature was nothing like the previous, it was something darker… something more powerful. They watched as the shadow extended its hand, a hand — nothing but bone and tendon exposed, pointing its long bony finger towards the Attor, who had knelt on its knees, bony prominences pressed against the marble floor — panting, blood and sweat clinging onto its cloak as if it was apart of it. When that bony finger touched the top of its head, another scream tore from the Attor’s throat, its body disintegrating into nothing but ash.

The air stilled, and the shadow faded away, leaving your figure in its wake. Time seemed to pause as they watch you tilt your head slightly before turning their direction. When your eyes — dark as the night sky, dark as black locked eyes with him before drifting to Eris’ by his side. You had given them a soft smile, eyes squinting into crescents their names nothing but a whisper against your lips before you body collapsed onto the floor.

Eris was the first one to come out of the stupor, his body immediately running towards yours. He skidded onto his knees as he heaved your body into his arms, a hand against your cheek to try to wake you up. Rhysand was hot on his heels, kneeling on the other side of your figure, sharp talons against you mind, trying to probe through the darkness that had shrouded your mind.

That is where it landed you now. The Inner Court at the Townhouse, your body still in Eris’ arms as both High Lords tried to interrogate the ancient being to tell why you had not woken up. Armen did not tell them anything, her stubbornness tenfold when it came to you; but it was hesitant now, knowing that the males that held you would stop at anything to ensure your safety.

A heartbeat of silence surrounded the room before Armen sighed.

“I pray the Mother would forgive me…” she muttered before she steeled herself against the stares of her family, “(Y/N)… is a God Made into a High Fae. When I had escaped the Prison, she was standing outside, an empty shell. I didn’t know what kind of God she was but she was lost as I and, that, immediately made us stick to each other. I had adapted faster to this world that she did, and so I kept her hidden while I became part of this world — part of your Court. I looked, looked into books, looked into the past, talked with the Gods of Old in the Prison to find out what she was…”

Eyes looked from Rhysand and Eris, to your form that was resting soundly in their arms.

“… She is Death itself. Death reincarnate. The Bone Carver, the Attor, the Suriel all made in her likeness… or what she used to be. The reason why she couldn’t… assimilate easily as I do was because she was never even part of this world originally. And so when that bond snapped between the three of you, I was surprised.”

Rhysand and Eris glanced at each other, remembering that moment when it was revealed to Armen that they were your mates. The surprise and hesitance in her features — it all made sense. You were a God and they were Cauldron-bound to you. You were as old, even older than Prythian itself. And yet you were mated to the two of them.

Armen shrugged, another sigh escaped her lips. Varian wrapped an arm around her shoulders, comforting her, “She was like a child, lost in this world. She didn’t know of her powers, it sometimes leaked out of her… You all have seen it.”

And they have, the flittering of shadows and darkness. Everyone had thought originally it was from Azriel — lights flickering when you were angry, shadows and night seeped out of your fingertips when you were training with Cassian. And all unknown to you.

“She has been trying to figure out herself, figure out her powers… She doesn’t know how to use it to her full conscious. Both of us have tried to rein in her powers, make it fully under her control.”

“… So what happened earlier?” Azriel questioned from his position in the corner of the room, his tone tight, “That thing that she had summoned that disintegrated the Attor.” The shadowsinger wasn’t mad, he was more frustrated than anything — they were your family, and yet you hid this part of you from them.

Another shrug from Armen, “I’ve tried to read… read anything concerning her. That thing I am unsure of. All I could think of —”

“The Grim…”

Eyes snapped towards your form, Eris and Rhysand looked down at you as you started to awaken. Apparently, you knew what they were talking about.

“It’s called the Grim…” you opened your eyes, your eye color back to normal — not the black color they had seen after the battle, but your own, ‘…A servant of Death itself.”

“(Y/N), Darling…” Rhysand breathed, as he kneeled in front of you as Eris shifted your form in his arms so that Rhysand could hold your cheeks, assessing you, ensuring you were unharmed. While Eris pressed his lips against the crown of your head, muttering, “Thank the Mother…”

A small smile tugged at your lips, feeling the bond tugged at both ends from your mates, eyes fluttering close as you let a wave of assurance down the bond. It had taken awhile for you to get used to using it to give comfort to both males, and longer for you to accept any sort of feeling from their end.

Once hands were off of you, Eris helped you to sit on the couch, large hands from both of your mates steadying you as you looked back at Armen. Your eyes staring into her silver ones, unvoiced betrayal in your look — Armen had promised to never let anyone know of what you were — and yet here she was, exposing your history. She let out a whimper, her way of apologizing to you before Varian wrapped her in his arms.

Silence again filled the room before the shuffling of feet. You had assumed that Rhysand had asked for everyone to leave, leaving you with your two mates. You took a breath, in and out, trying to rein in whatever you were feeling at the moment — you didn’t know what to feel.

Sure, you were exhausted, the fight with the Attor depleted your magic. You had not only protected yourself but the whole of Velaris with your magic. That you could deal with, but not this raw emotion of betrayal from your friend. Deep down, you knew that Armen only did what was necessary, to ease the tension in the room — to try to explain what had happened with you and the Attor hours before — to prove that you belonged there with them. That you were not a threat, that you were not an enemy to the Night Court. You knew that. You would talk to Armen properly later.

No matter how many centuries had passed, you were still figuring out your powers… still figuring out yourself. Today was another thing you’d have to figure out… and you wondered if, now, you have to figure it out yourself.

A tug at the golden string in your chest made you look up, staring at the violet hues of the third of your mate. Rhysand had looked at you were such worry, brows furrowed as he assessed you, a caress of your mental shields from his end. Another tug at that string made you look up at Eris, a similar look of worry sat on his face. You took another breath, one that shuddered through your figure before you reached out, both hands extended, to your mates only to pause in midair.

They were tainted with black, as if your fingertips were necrotized, as if the darkness lingered on you. A frown tugged on your lips, as you assessed them, retracting them slightly as if afraid to touch your mates with such hands. Hands were immediately on your wrist, your right in Rhysand’s and your left in Eris’, as you watched both of them press your hands against their chest, showing that you weren’t going to hurt them.

“…I’m sorry…” you slowly apologized, not even sure of what you were apologizing about. Was it the fact that you withheld your past from them? Or was it just the need to apologize to them.

You heard twin sighs before you felt identical kisses on the top of your head and that alone wrecked your body into another strong shudder, tears lining your eyes. You didn’t want to not tell them about you, you just… you couldn’t. You didn’t even know what you were, you didn’t know the extent of your powers.

“Is that the reason why you never told us? Even after the bond made itself known?” Rhysand asked, as he pulled away to look at you with a raised brow, “That you were Death? That you didn’t know yourself nor your powers?”

All you could do was nod your head, teeth biting into lower lip, as if you were a child being reprimanded, “… I was trying to figure it out,” you started off, fingers bunching at both of their shirts, to try to ground yourself to at the moment, eyes dimming for a moment before returning to the now, “Trying to figure myself out, my powers, to fit into this world. I just felt so…” a shrug lifted your shoulders, “I’m sure Armen told you… I felt lost, out of control. Like I was not here and here at the same time. That my powers had a mind of their own, controlling themselves through me. I just… didn’t know what I was doing.”

Eris and Rhysand always had seen it, how spaced out you were at times. Even with the bond between the three of you, your bond seemed frazzled, and much longer than the one that had connected the two males. They had worked so hard to get to you, to have you be in the moment with them, to be connected to you. And it wasn’t as if you weren’t doing the same, you worked with them… got used to being part of the Court, to be part of something much bigger than yourself — to be part of them. You had opened up to them, slowly but surely. You accepted the bond with much courting from both of the High Lords — many dates, many stolen kisses, many whispers during the night.

But hearing you, sound more vulnerable than you’ve ever been before, even during those moments at night when both Eris and Rhysand had expressed their darkest fears, their worries to you, they had never seen you more powerless.

Fingers slipped from their grip on their shirts, as you brought them back closer to your body, wringing your fingertips as if an attempt to wash off the stained darkness that lingered on your skin, “I also… didn’t want to scare either of you…” you confessed, almost a whisper, “The bond was formed and you two were almost fighting tooth and nail at each other at times —” a chuckle from both of the males made a small smile tug onto your features, “ — All the while ensuring that this bond was going to work. You guys set a lot of your differences aside to…” tears eventually overflowed, “Make sure that I was okay. And yet…”

You felt choked up. They had worked so hard in this bond, and yet… you didn’t even tell them — about who and what you were, you held the truth from them. Insecurities started to build up in you — that you were not meant for this bond, you didn’t deserve to be part of the Night Court… or any other court in that matter… that you weren’t meant to have such amazing mates — High Lords in the matter of a fact.

Your insecurites zip lined through the bond and it smashed towards Rhysand and Eris, and they couldn't help but tear up as well. Eris gently picked you up and back into his lap, strong, secure arms wrapping around your body, letting the bond open wide to provide you comfort and show how much he had loved you. Rhysand mimicked that, showering you with love and attention; reaching out to hold your hands in his.

“Oh sweetheart…” Eris hummed into your hair, pressing kisses on the top of your head, “… You should never be sorry about anything… It had been hard to understand from our side. We wondered on why you withheld such an important piece of yourself away from us; we had thought it was because you never trusted us fully —”

You were about retort up at him, only to have Eris press a kiss on your lips to silence you. He hummed before pulling back to gaze at you.

“— But, now we understand, and we're not going to reprimand you for it. Just know that we love you and, gosh…” a laugh escaped his chest, causing you to blink up at him in surprised, “You would never scare us away, (Y/N)… Not before finding out what you are, and not now, after finding out your Death reincarnate…”

“And…” you heard Rhysand shuffle into his feet before flopping down next to the both of you, taking your form from Eris’ lap and onto his own. Your two mates situated themselves — you on Rhysand’s lap, while your legs laid on Eris’ thighs.

“The thing with your powers… we can figure them out together. We can go to Day Court, ask Helion if they have any books about you and your powers…” he hummed softly, tilting your head up to press a kiss on your lips, “And even if we don't… All three of us will figure it out together..”

You smiled against his lips, nodding your head.

Eris reached over and gently held your chin to tug your lips towards his way, placing his own kiss.

“Can you imagine, Rhys…” The Autumn Heir murmured against your lips, “That our mate is in history books? Her name written for everyone to remember?” He teased, another kiss on your lips.

Rhysand let out a hearty laugh, “Well… she is amazing…”

A soft laugh escaped you as you pulled away from Eris’ lips, one arm wrapped around his shoulder and the other holding Rhysand’s hand that was around your waist.

“Well…” you whispered as you looked at both of them, their eyes shining as they looked at you, “Your names will be right beside mine then… We’ll ask Helion to fix those books…”

Chuckles escaped all three of you, as you remained in their arms, as you basked in the love and care of your two mates.

Even though you are uncertain about the future, the prospect of navigating your powers, you know at least your family and your mates were there to help you every step of the way.

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Solstice Tree Farm

(Christmas Tree Farm)

Azriel x Reader

A Taylor Swift inspired ACOTAR fic

This can be read as stand alone but is a follow up taking place on the solstice before the epilogue of this one shot: Part 1: Ivy (Covered in You)

warnings: sexual content, suggestive language, language, alcohol

Az held my hand tightly, warming the chill of my freezing hands. “Holidays can be hard. Five hundred years later and I still get hit with pangs of sadness when memories of my childhood creep their way to the forefront of my thoughts.”

“Yeah,” I frowned. “That makes sense. Trauma never really disappears, we just learn to cope with it.”

He nodded, giving me a soft smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I’ll always be here to help you through the hard times, Y/N. Whether you need a listening ear, space, or words of understanding.”

My eyes lined with silver as I leaned my head gently against his shoulder “I love you, Az.”

He brushed a kiss to my forehead, his plush lips warming me from the inside out. “And I love you. Always.”

My steps halted as I spotted a new wine bar lit up with the sound of its patrons friendly laughter rolling out the front doors. “Oh, I need to get Mor a bottle of wine and I hear they have a perfectly spiced mulled wine here that is imported from Winter.”

Az put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me toward the door. I browsed the selections, snagging the wine Mor had raved about. We had started an annual tradition of wrapping gifts together while each downing a bottle of wine. It was no surprise that the more gifts we wrapped, the sloppier our wrapping jobs became. The special tradition between my friend and I both filled Az’s heart with warmth and…. made his eye twitch just a little bit. Ever the perfectionist, my mate. His wrappings were always the neatest of the inner circle.

As we browsed the aisles of the wine bar’s shopping section, something caught my eye. A Chardonnay imported from Vallahan - the same wine that was shared between my former husband and I at our wedding.

Nausea roiled in my stomach, the room suddenly feeling too hot. “Az, I… I need to get out of here.” His brows furrowed with concern but he asked no questions as he quickly stepped with me out of the store.

My heart raced. I loathed my husband, his death at my hands was deserved, and I did not miss my life in Vallahan at all. However, there was still blood coating my hands and I was not a violent person.

Az looked to me and I knew that his shadows, my favorite one in particular, noticed the wine too. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked gently.

“No, I just needed air. I can find mulled wine for Mor elsewhere I’m sure.”

Az offered to go back into the store to get it but I gripped his hand tightly, needing his presence to keep me grounded.

Digging through my mind for any other topic, I asked, “Have you ever seen the bears from the Winter Court?”

Az smiled as we resumed our walking, “I have several times over the centuries. They were also a valuable resource during the war with Hybern.”

I thought for a moment. “I’d like to see them some day.”

We walked for another fifteen or so minutes before I finally asked to return home, fatigue overtaking me. Az swooped me up in his arms and flew me back to the townhouse. We’d occupied it as our personal residence for years now, thanks to Rhysand and Feyre’s generosity.

We could have purchased another house in the city but this one held so many memories to Az, memories of our family, staying there made me feel like I had been a part of their lives for much longer.

~~~~~~~

The next morning, I slept in longer than normal. Azriel had to leave early for a meeting with Cass and Rhys. He left a note stating he’d be home with pastries from our favorite bakery in a few hours.

He’d been so busy recently with work. I had been busy too. I’d taken to assisting Feyre and Ressina at the studio. The children warmed my heart and while I was not good with painting, I loved working with my hands. Each year at solstice, I’d taken to offering crafting classes for the littles to make gifts. It filled my heart with even more joy than I thought possible.

I stretched, as I awoke from bed. My body aching from whatever odd position I seemed to fall asleep in last night. Az and I had every intention of “heating things up” after we’d shopped but I fell asleep while he rubbed my back. He must have sensed that I needed the rest - the reprieve from the depths of my mind - as he let me be.

While I definitely appreciated his thoughtfulness, part of me wished he would have woken me. Tiredness aside, I was hungry for his touch, every nerve in my body screaming out for him. Just thinking about it made my breasts heavy and aching to feel him on me, my thighs squeezing tightly together to relieve the ache if only slightly

I thought about taking the time to scratch that particular itch myself but I had to get ready for my afternoon class.

~~~~~~~

The class went well. Feyre had stopped by to see the children and do some painting in her office. She’d squeezed me tightly, placing a kiss on each cheek in greeting. Gratitude filled me for how accepting she’d been of me when I first came to Velaris from Vallahan. The whole family instantly made me feel welcome, we’d grown so close over the past 10 years.

After the class, Feyre and I decided to visit a nearby tea parlor - chatting about everything from art and politics to Nyx and holiday plans. I laughed as she shared a story of Rhys sneaking off with Nyx to “attend court business” with Kallias and Viviane - but instead it was just to have the pair and their children train Rhys and Nyx on the latest snowball fighting techniques. Anything to gain a competitive edge for their own annual fight at the cabin.

After a while, Feyre reached across the table to squeeze my hand. Her blue-gray eyes meeting mine as she asked if I was doing okay. Daemati abilities aside, she was naturally very perceptive of emotions. I finally confessed to her that I hadn’t been in the holiday spirit this year when normally it was my favorite time of the year. She’d offered comfort in return and shared her own stories of times that she had struggled during the season as well, adding that Rhys had especially struggled after returning from under the mountain

It was reassuring to hear that my family understood the underlaying feelings of melancholy that could rise to the surface during such a joyous season.

When I arrived back to the townhouse, I was greeted with a box of pastries and a note from Az apologizing that we’d missed eachother.

I definitely needed the visit with Feyre but felt a bit guilty for missing him. In true Azriel fashion, there was an arrow pointing to the back of the note:

“Don’t you dare feel guilty for not being home. I’m glad that you and Feyre spent time together.”

Momentarily confused by how he knew where I’d been, the glazed look Feyre had gotten at one point during our tea time came back to me. Gods, daemati powers would be convenient.

~~~~~~~

Azriel didn’t return home until late that night. I’d dozed off while reading on the couch, waking up to him carrying me back to our bed. I gave him a sleepy smile and informed him there was food from our favorite take away spot in the kitchen.

The strong hold of his muscled body pressing into me reignited the fire that had burned inside of me that morning. Clearly scenting my arousal he gave a feline grin. “I’m hungry for something else.”

Our joining that night was hard and fast. I came quickly which only fueled his male pride, by the time he was through with me I was completely and utterly satiated. I all but fell asleep on my mate before he lifted me off of him, curling into me. I awoke briefly in the night to find his wings encompassing us - the warmth and darkness quickly soothing me back to sleep.

~~~~~~~

Once again I woke to an empty bed. I couldn’t help the frown that formed at his departure. We always had an understanding of the unexpected absences that occurred with his work. Selfishly, I had just hoped to spend the morning in bed with him.

I leaned to my side of the bed to find a note reading,

“Don’t hate me for taking off so early. You just looked too beautiful, I couldn’t bring myself to wake a sleeping angel.

Rhys needed Cassian and I at the Hewn City, I promise I’ll be home soon.

I love you.”

I was loved and I was grateful. To go from a loveless marriage to a mated pairing so full of love that the only hint of sadness came from the absence of his presence. And then, even in his absence, he still made his love known. The thought made my stomach flutter.

The fluttering quickly went away as nausea rolled in. I’d forgotten to eat the take away food I brought home last night, falling asleep full of Az instead. I hadn’t eaten since scarfing down a pastry when I returned home from tea with Feyre.

I ran to the bathroom, dry heaved, and then made my way to the kitchen - instantly feeling better after reheating the leftovers from last night.

I took a bath and got ready for my afternoon class when I heard the door open, shadows greeting me before I even heard Azriel approach. He gave me a mischevious look, eyes gleaming.

He was up to something.

I smirked. “That look means trouble. What did you do?”

He just smiled, taking my hand and nodding his head toward our bedroom. “Come here.”

We entered the room and he snapped his fingers. Shadows taking it as a cue, they began swirling into a funnel of darkness. They cleared and two suitcases appeared in their absence. Mine had a gorgeous knee-length cobalt blue wool coat hanging next to it along with a matching scarf and hat, and lined leather gloves.

I looked to Az, filled with excitement and confusion. “The coat and accessories are absolutely gorgeous, and in your color! I couldn’t love them more. Thank you.” I nodded toward the suitcases, “What about those though?”

“We’re going on a trip.” He smiled. “I talked to Feyre and she’ll cover your classes while we’re gone.”

“You packed my bags?” I asked.

“I’m your mate. I know what you like.” A playful look of arrogance masking his face.

“Alright, Spymaster, I’m at your disposal.”

Before I could follow up with questions the luggage disappeared and Azriel took my hand launching us into a winnow.

~~~~~~~

My jaw dropped. Before me in a snow covered clearing surrounded by large mountains and spruce trees of all sizes was a barn transitioned into a home. It was absolutely stunning with twinkling fae lights outside, a warm glow shining from within. The house was decked with spruce and evergreen branches, boughs of holly, each window and door donning wreaths.

“Az? Is this where we are staying?” I marveled.

“Welcome to the Winter Court, my love. Kallias and Viviane are letting us use their evergreen farm as a getaway.” His smile shone brighter than any of the twinkling fae lights. He gestured toward the door, “Come, take a look around.”

Once again, my jaw fell as I took in the inside of the barn turned lodge. A fire warmed the room from the massive stone fireplace, illuminating the reclaimed wood accents filling the place. Huge fur rugs blanketed the floor of the open loft. In a corner of the space, situated in front a wall of windows was a spruce tree that had to be twenty feet tall, decked with ornate trimmings.

“This is……. It’s incredible, Az. I don’t know what to say.” I leaned into him, sending waves of adoration and gratitude down our bond, to which he sent back a surge of love.

Taking my hand, he walked me to the plush sectional couch in front of the fire where warm mugs of cocoa, mints, and a tray of various Winter Court delicacies for grazing awaited.

“I’m sorry…” he sat, pulling me down into his lap before continuing, “for leaving this morning. I know the past few weeks have been difficult for you and after our excursion into the city the other day,” he cut off, eyes filling with empathy. “Well, I thought maybe we could use a pre-solstice getaway. I came here to prepare everything for us beforehand. There’s no better place to get into the holiday spirit than the Winter Court.”

My eyes teared up as emotions flooded me. Gods, I am such a sap. But this male, he never failed to amaze me. His love and devotion to me was euphoric. Nothing in the world could match the high of being with him.

“I love you, Az,” I choked up. “Thank you. This is incredible.”

He wiped a lone tear that fell onto my face and replaced it with a kiss.

The single kiss relit that flame smoldering inside me as I straddled his lap, pressing my mouth to his, tongues and teeth crashing into eachother. In between breaths he managed to get out “Do.” kiss. “You.” Deeper kiss. “Want to” a kiss to the column of his neck. “Go out t-.” a nip to the neck and a heated kiss to take away the pain. “Fuck it.” he ground out before ripping my top off and pinning me underneath him. I snapped my fingers and the rest of our clothes disappeared completely.

~~~~~~~

One hour? Two hours? Three, maybe? blissful hours later, he carried me to the bathroom where a hot bath awaited us. My body ached for it. Az stepped in, setting us both down and situating me between his legs. He rubbed my tense shoulders, a particularly deep knead making my eyes roll back into my head and an involuntary moan escape my lips. “Fuck,” he cursed. “That moan.” He repeated the motion on the opposite shoulder, garnering the same involuntary response. “So. pretty.” He said, voice low, dripping with lust.

Those words alone caused me to rest my head back on his chest, looking up into his eyes. His renewed arousal incredibly evident against my back. He firmly placed a calloused hand on my neck, leaning down to kiss me. Hard. Before I could turn around, he gripped my hips. Strong arms lifted me up before sinking me down onto him, inch by torturous inch bringing the sweetest pleasure back to my body.

~~~~~~~

After a long bath that may or may not have needed to be reheated not once but twice, and sliding into the most comfortable bathing robe to ever grace my skin, we padded to the bedroom.

This room was the type of room that one could enter and be totally content never leaving. A massive four poster bed situated on top of a fluffy white rug called to me. Its blankets and pillows could swallow myself, my large Illyrian mate, and his massive wings. A fire warmed the space and the floor to ceiling window overlooked a hillside at the edge of the clearing, city lights burned brightly down below as coin sized snowflakes fell lazily from the sky.

Candles were lit around the room and fae lights softly illuminated the space. A knock from the outside door interrupted my moment of awe. Az pointed toward a box on the bed, stating he would be right back.

Not sure who could possibly visiting us, I padded over to the bed and opened the gift wrapped box. Inside lay a silken robe and matching sheer night gown. My heart fluttered as once again, the gown was dyed a gorgeous cobalt blue. I dropped the heavy robe I was wearing to dress myself in the see-through gown barely reaching below my ass, the new robe, and matching thong. I sighed at the luxurious feeling of silk lightly caressing my more intimate areas.

“Gods.” Az spoke lowly from the door behind me. “You’ve always been devastating in my color, but this…. I’m starting to think that this is YOUR color. You’re an absolute goddess.”

I turned as he carried in a tray of steaming food. “I had this delivered from the city’s Solstice Market.”

My stomach rumbled at the sight of the stuffed bread, potato pancakes, and sausages on the platter before me.

“Oooh, Az, this is incredible! You’ve really thought of everything.” I looked at him intently. “Thank you, my love, truly.”

He smiled and placed the tray on a table for two set up in the room. I grinned as the smells of the food wafted toward me, “let me run to the kitchen and see if there’s a wine cabinet!”

“Sorry darling, it seems that is the one thing that I didn’t think of. But we do have hot apple cider.” He motioned to a kettle on the large tray that I’d somehow overlooked.

“That’s perfect!” I reached to the kettle and poured a mug of it. The absolutely divine smell of it filling my nose.

~~~~~~~

I awoke the next morning in Azriel’s arms. His wings cocooning us protectively. I turned around to face him, peppering kisses to his lips, nose, and cheeks.

His eyes slowly fluttered open and my heart nearly stopped at the sight of his gold-flecked hazel eyes and long, dark eyelashes. Nearly ten years in and the full effect of him never failed to awe me.

After dinner the previous night, we had cuddled on the bed as his fingers lifted up the hem of my nightgown. He traced lazy circles and lines up and down my waist, the dips of my hips, my abdomen, he spent extra time and attention on my breasts: tracing, tweaking, and gently pulling my nipples, as if he’d never touched them before. I, of course, encouraged the behavior by arching back into him and letting out an occasional soft moan.

At one point, he just stopped all motion, staring deeply into my eyes. Wonder and adoration shone as he stared, as if he too had never lost his awe toward me. We had eachother three more times during the night. Something about the intimate getaway felt like accepting the bond all over again.

I snapped from my thoughts as Az playfully nipped at my ear, retracting his wings from around us.

I looked toward the outside, snow capped mountains gleaming under the sunlight. “What’s on your agenda for us today?”

“That is a secret for me to know, and you to find out later.”

Running a single finger down the length of his chest, torso, lower - I cooed. “I hear that I can be quite convincing, Spymaster.”

His only response, a smack to my ass, “Come on, greedy. That would spoil the fun.”

Begrudgingly I got out of the bed, the warm rug beneath feeling like heaven on my feet.

~~~~~~~

After a delightful breakfast at a cafe in the city, Azriel led me toward a massive building on the outskirts of it, on the opposite side of the palace grounds. Several males posted themselves outside of the structure - one of which recognized Az immediately.

“Azriel, it’s good to see you.” The burly white haired man boomed. “Is this your lovely mate that I’ve heard so much about? I heard that your High Lord and High Lady are quite smitten with her.”

Az greeted the male politely, “Hello Klaus, yes, this would indeed be the exquisite Y/N.”

I smiled as the male shook my hand. “A pleasure to meet you Y/N. Did Azriel tell you what you’re here for today?”

I rolled my eyes tossing a mock glare at Azriel. “No, this Spymaster seems to be quite full of secrets.”

The male laughed, a loud jovial sound. “Let’s not waste time then! Come and see my pride and joy.”

I stepped into the building and my eyes filled with wonder. What was already a massive building outside was truly enormous inside, clearly some kind of glamour hid the true size from onlookers. What really caught my eye, however, were the acres upon acres of training, feeding, and sleeping quarters, along with the armory - none of it on the ground level designed to house or clothe fae, but for animals. Throughout the building were soldiers and animals training side my side, working in unison. White foxes, antlered deer, and there…. Toward the back of the building, my heart skipped a beat, giant white bears! Some wearing armor, some lazily lounging along indoor pools, trainers even brushed the creatures to which they seemed to enjoy the feeling of bristles running through their thick fur.

Klaus spent hours walking us through the grounds of the facility. I teared up when given the opportunity to brush one of the bears. I felt like a child next to such a large creature. I was aware of the danger they posed, but how could anyone resist the opportunity to spend time with a creature with cute little ears like that. They couldn’t be THAT much of a threat to me…. so long as I wasn’t an enemy. The bear seemed to agree as it tilted its head toward me in a pleading manner, as if to say: “Ah yes, right there. Scratch behind my ear just there. That’s the spot.”

It turned out that Klaus was the head of the Winter Court’s animal forces. A highly revered position in their armies, essentially a step below Cassian’s rank in the Night Court. When we were leaving, Klaus told me to come back anytime, kissing my hand in parting. Azriel instinctively sidled himself closer to me, if Klaus noticed, he didn’t show it.

Fae mates. So territorial.

~~~~~~~

After our tour of the training facility, Azriel took us on a reindeer drawn sleigh ride through the remainder of castle grounds. We cozied up together under a blanket, sipping hot cocoa and taking in the beauty of the court.

It turned out that Mor pulled strings with Viviane as such tours were a rare privilege. I teared up yet again, thinking of the effort my mate and best friend put into making this Winter Solstice so special.

I was sure to thank Azriel thoroughly that night. Five times to be exact.

~~~~~~~

The next morning came too quickly, Azriel and I refusing to leave the bed until our stomachs grumbled in unison.

We headed to the Solstice Market for the remainder of our gift shopping. I found a gorgeous bracelet for Amren, the gems mined from a frozen over cave in the heart of the Winter Court. For Feyre, I purchased paints with unique pigments inspired by the terrain of the court. I continued checking names off of my gift list, until all that was left was Mor.

It may have been strange, but what were boundaries between two best friends - I was able to acquire a similar set of lingerie to the one Azriel had purchased for me in a shade of red that would perfectly compliment her features. Azriel rolled his eyes at me in amusement.

I’d also found a particularly smutty sapphic novel for her thanks to the recommendation of a friendly shopkeeper - I picked up a copy for myself too.

Azriel and I then strolled to the wine vendors - this was where the trip took quite a turn.

I bought several bottles of the mulled wine Mor adored along with boxes of decadent chocolates. The vendor was kind, and rather chatty. We talked for twenty minutes or so and were about to leave when he offered us complimentary glass mugs of the spiced wine to warm us on our walk back toward the lodge. Az quickly declined…. For both of us. I playfully huffed stating that I had no objections to such a kind offer. Azriel’s expression grew concerned as he once again waved off the offer.

The male working at the stand watched as I stood disregarding Az’s strange objection. I kept my hand held out waving Azriel off with the other. The vendor clearly knew better than to deny a lady who was clear about what she wanted and handed over the glass.

Azriel then growled. GROWLED.

I turned around to walk away, Az on my tail. I lifted the glass to take a sip when one of his shadows, not just any shadow, my FAVORITE one - restrained my wrist.

Little traitor.

“What the hell, Az!?” I asked. Quietly enough to not cause a scene but loudly enough to convey my frustration toward him. He paused for a moment - a rare show of conflict troubled his face. “We…. We need to talk.” he said and winnowed us straight back to the lodge.

~~~~~~~

Upon arrival, I stormed into the lodge. “Do you think I have a drinking problem or something? What is it, Az? It’s so unlike you to act like this. First the territorial bullshit when Klaus kissed my hand, now taking away my choice in what I want to drink?” My traitorous body let tears slip.

Az said nothing. He stared at me for a moment, before walking up to me and grasping me into his arms, his warm embrace enveloping me. I wanted to pull away but couldn’t. His scent and warmth were intoxicating, placating me.

He kissed the top of my head, his arms still embracing behind me and moving upward, brushing his fingers through my hair before pulling back. His arms released as he took my face in his hands, hazel eyes filled with an emotion I’d never seen before.

“Baby.” He got out. Voice cracking.

“Yes? What?”

“Baby.” His eyes rimmed with tears.

“What Az? What is it? Just tell me.”

His face cracked into a smile full of wonder, the tears spilling. “You’re pregnant.”

Oh?

Oh!

“Ohhhhhh.” I managed to get out. Everything clicking into place. The emotions, the random bouts of nausea, fatigue, the mild aches in my body…the constant need to have Azriel buried inside of me.

“Gods.” I muttered next. “This explains so much! How did you figure it out? WHEN did you figure it out?”

Azriel maintained his composure, resting a hand on each of my arms while running his thumbs soothingly up and down them. “I think my body knew first. I was waking up with my wings around you protectively - normally that only happens intentionally but this time it was involuntary. And then, you started showing signs similar to those when you’re approaching your cycle but… it’s been less than two months since the last one. I couldn’t sense the shift in your scent yet but something deep within me kept telling me to observe.”

Running a hand through his hair, he continued: “Then we came here and it felt like the mating bond snapped into place all over again. The night that we were laying in bed and I was tracing my fingers along your body… your curves felt just slightly more enticing - I don’t… I don’t know how to explain it, but when I ran my fingers to your breasts they were so full, so heavy. Initially I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in trying to stave off my arousal, to allow you to rest but then it hit me. The softest hint of rose. The same scent Rhys described when Feyre…”

I cut him off. “The look, the one you gave me of wonder and awe - that’s when it hit you, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Az replied. “Are you upset?”

“Upset? No! Never! Azriel,” I choked out. “This life with you is the most incredible gift. Having you as my mate, our chosen family, and now this life growing inside of me - this beautiful life created of the love you’ve so wholeheartedly given me. It’s so much more than I could have ever dreamed of.”

Words evaded Azriel as he embraced me, sobs wracking his body- pure joy and unconditional love flooded from him through me. As his sobs settled he pulled back to look at me, eyes filled with promise. “I swear to love and protect the two of you until the end of time. My heart was already wholly yours but now, somehow it’s been filled so much more than I knew possible. Our child will know only love from us. A beacon of hope shining from the darkness of our own childhoods.”

I looked up to him, reciprocating the feelings of joy and love through our bond.

“I love you.” I vowed.

“Oh baby” he kissed my lips.

“Oh baby” he knelt down to kiss my still flat abdomen.

“Happy Solstice. I love you.”

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Fourteen

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. Mentions of abuse and SA, SMUT (oral f!rec, tiny bit of shadow play), mention of canon level violence, ACOTAR series spoilers. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

Pairing: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: Feyre arrives at the Night Court, Rhys requests you to stay at the House for the first week.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

My graphics are my own. If you wish to use them, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen

You stayed at Windhaven, Azriel tended to check in on you more often than Cass or Rhys. He even stayed one night last week, you both staying up into the early morning hours talking about your childhoods and stupid things you used to do when you were young. Every time he came to visit, you couldn’t help but want to spend more and more time with him. 

And each week for the following month, you did just what you said you were going to. You joined a new group of Illyrians that were training. You were working on sword training now. You had the blacksmith make a specific set for the females so the males wouldn’t complain or make excuses. 

You did better everyday, and by the time the month was up, you had advanced four levels. In just two more months you would be ready to participate in the qualifying course. You watched males do it every day, the course would change with the males. And some males failed, others succeeded. You marked their wrong doings and thought you could truly do it now. But you wouldn’t try to before you were ready. You didn’t need to fail in front of them. It would only prove what they already think. 

One day, Mor winnowed to Windhaven, calling you out of the ring. You jogged over to her, frowning at her expression. “Rhys has Feyre at the Palace above Hewn City.” She said. “He wants you there since Feyre knows you… just for today,” she said. 

“He called in the bargain?” You asked, glancing back as the males continued their sparring. You were itching to keep going today. But if Rhys needed your help with Feyre, you could sacrifice the afternoon. 

“Yes, he did.” She answered. You nodded, holding out your hand. “Take me there.” You said. You still hadn’t been at the Palace above Hewn City before. You'd only ever been to Hewn City a handful of times when Amarantha was inspecting it. From what you remembered, you hoped you didn’t have to enter the Court of Nightmares. 

Read Feyre Arrives Drabble here

A month went by since Rhys called in the bargain, you went up another three levels in training, and Rhys started talking to you about what was going on with Feyre. He needed someone to disclose his thoughts to, and you were the one who he thought wouldn’t judge him. Or at least show it. And you gave good advice. 

And then Tamlin trapped Feyre in his manor. You were so furious that you offered to go back to the Spring Court and kill him yourself. He wouldn’t even see you coming. Not in the shadows. But Rhys said that would be reckless, not to mention Feyre had a right to it before any of you. And then Rhys after her. 

So you stayed in the House for the week that she arrived, knowing she might want a familiar face around that wasn’t Mor or Rhys. She still didn’t trust you much, that you could tell, but you were friendly to her. You still trained with Cassian, you even saw Feyre come up to the ring to watch. Until she was noticed. Then she would run away like a mouse caught stealing food. As if she wasn’t your High Lord’s mate. She clearly didn’t know yet, and you had your own opinions on Rhys’s choice to keep it a secret, but you wouldn’t say anything to her. 

And maybe you were glad to spend the time near Azriel. He was staying in the House as well and even when Cassian was there to break up the flirting, it was a little disappointing. You wanted to be alone with Azriel. Not with a chaperon. 

Azriel felt the same way. So, the day before you were due to go back to Windhaven, he approached you after your morning training. Leaning his shoulder against the doorway, you felt him studying you as you put on a necklace. “Can I help you, Shadowsinger?” You teased as you turned around. 

“Would you like to go out with me today? Maybe for lunch and then a walk through the Rainbow?” He asked. You could’ve sworn your heart stuttered while your stomach flipped. 

“I would. Very much.” You said and glanced down at the outfit you wore. 

“You are perfect, no need to change.” He said, causing heat to your face. 

“Okay, hot shot. Shall we leave now then?” You teased, laughing when he held out an arm for you to take. You rested your hand on his bicep, not missing the slight flex as you did. You gave a small squeeze as you walked up the stairs to go to the roof. 

“Where are you going?” Cassian asked as he saw the two of you come up the stairwell. 

“Nowhere of your concern.” You said firmly, continuing to walk with Azriel. You noticing a small smirk forming on his lips. 

“I gave you an hour for lunch, you better be back by then.” He warned. 

“I won’t.” You said and nodded for Az to fly up. “I’m taking the rest of the day off. Have fun.” You said before taking off. You giggled as Azriel and you raced down to the restaurant on the Sidra, still laughing as you landed right outside. 

“Lucky I don’t have to pay for that tomorrow.” You said, still quietly laughing to yourself as you took Azriel’s hand and walked in the restaurant. 

You and Azriel were friendly with each other now and weren’t strangers to leaning against the other or holding hands. But being out, where anyone in the city could see you, was a little different. It felt more official. Like you and Az were on a date. 

The realization hit you when you sat down at the table, waiting for your food. “Is this a date?” You asked, needing it to be clear. 

You noticed a red hue flush on Azriel’s cheeks as he took a gulp of his drink. “Yes.” He said. Although he was flustered, he didn’t want to question it. 

“Good.” You said. “I was wondering when you were going to ask.” You teased and nudged his leg with yours, smiling. He was different when you two were out in the city compared to when you were alone in the cabin or the House. You knew he had a reputation to upkeep, but at least he was more relaxed in Velaris than Windhaven. There, if a male so much as looked at you the wrong way he was pushing them into the snow. Or mud. Or wall. It pissed you off a little, but you knew he had his own trauma when it came to Illyrians. Though, if they were going to take you seriously, he was going to have to stop doing that. 

You weren’t together. You weren’t courting or mates. He had no claim to you. And even if you were, he still should let you protect yourself. Especially if you’re trying to show the Illyrians that females are just as strong and capable as males. 

“I suppose I didn’t ask, but I figured it was clear enough.” He said, looking at you for a few moments. 

“Why did you ignore me those first few weeks I was here? Did I offend you?” You asked after a silence fell over the two of you. 

“Offend me? No… you..” he sighed, looking down at his hands. Azriel never had trouble with his words when speaking to the others, but with you, it was different. He stumbled over them much more than normal. Especially when your eyes were upon him. “You had been through so much and I was… I’ll admit I was very attracted to you. You had an amazing personality… this light that I hadn’t seen in some time. And something pulled me to you. The more time I spent near you… the more I wanted to go further. To spend time alone with you.” Azriel said. You looked at him and felt a smile come to your lips as you listened to him talk. 

“But you just got your freedom back. And I didn’t know what you went through Under the Mountain. Only the little Rhys told us. I didn’t want to push you… not so soon after.” He explained. 

“To be honest, I think it would’ve been better if you just talked to me about it. I thought you hated me.” You said. 

“I think what I felt for you was far from hatred…” he said, heat rising to your face. 

“You flatter me, Shadowsinger,” you teased and smiled, thanking the server as they brought your food. You took a bite of the leafy greens, then leaned back. “Will you join me at Windhaven when I return tomorrow? Cassian is coming… but I’d like you there too.” 

Azriel nodded, taking a bite of the meat in front of him. “As much as I despise Windhaven and the Illyrian war camps, I’d like to join you.” He said. “Only to see how many levels you gained this week by training with Cassian, and to see the look on a Devlon’s face when he finds out.” He teased and you laughed. 

“You know, I think I’m growing on the male.” You said and shrugged. “I’m proving to him that I can do it. And it’s not just talk. Plus, the other females are excelling almost more than the males… though they haven’t allowed them to try using their killing power or Siphons yet.” You said. 

“Have you?” He asked and you shook your head. 

“I think I would know if I had killing power..” you mentioned.

“Not necessarily. Have you tried using your shadows as a shield before? That’s how mine first came about.” He said and you shook your head, not even knowing that was an option. 

“I have only ever used my shadows to bind people… or to conceal myself and travel.” You said, smiling a bit. “And spy, of course. But I still haven’t been able to control them fully. Sometimes.. during my bargain with Amarantha, I couldn’t help when my shadows would tell me something. And they would reveal truths about the Fae to me, ones that I had to disclose to her.” You said, shifting in your spot. Talking about her, about that time, was difficult. You’d met with a priestess in the library, one that was available for any of the harmed females to talk to. She told you that if you didn’t talk about it, the hurt would only get worse. The nightmares wouldn’t go away. 

“Did she ever do anything else… besides call in her bargain every chance she got?” He asked. 

You pursed your lips, leaning forward. It was such a public place to be talking about this. But the residents of Velaris wouldn’t tell anyone. And if they did… you were pretty sure you wouldn’t care. “If she was disappointed in my spying, she would have her sentries, like the Attor, spread out my wings. Then, she would take a dagger to them just close enough to the tendons so I couldn’t fly for weeks. Once she laced it with bloodbane, and I was indisposed for a month. And I had hallucinations the entire time. Rhys send Nuala and Cerridwen to look after me when he couldn’t. But that was a horrible month.” You said, shuddering at the memories. 

“I thought your bargain meant she had to keep them intact.” He asked. You could see the growing anger in his eyes, the way his fist clenched around his glass, almost breaking it. 

“She was very specific with how she worded the bargain. All she promised was that she could not clip them, could not make me permanently unable to fly…” You said and frowned, taking a deep breath. “I should’ve made her swear neither her nor anyone on her behalf could even touch my wings without my permission. But I was terrified. And naive… to make a bargain with someone like her.” You said and shook your head. “I’m lucky Rhys was truly as kind as he was… I think I would’ve lost myself there if he hadn’t been.” You said. 

“Did she ever… make you watch them?” He asked and you shook your head. 

“No, but she would have the sentries spread my wings out.., and instead of ripping them to shreds, she would force her hands on them until I…” you trailed off. “In front of her audience. As a party trick. It was amusing to her to see how much touching an Illyrian’s wings could pleasure them.” You frowned, forcing the tightness of your throat to ease as you sipped your wine. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for anyone to touch my wings like that again.”

Azriel studied your wings. The closer he looked, the more scars he saw. They were small, and had repaired themselves. No doubt by Rhys. But they were still visible. The ones from your father were more prominent, but he could tell the ones that were from Amarantha. They were indeed placed carefully close to the tendons, where it was most painful. 

While you thought he would pity you, apologize for what happened even though he had no control over it, his anger only increased. “It’s a good thing she’s dead.” Azriel said. 

You let out a strained laugh, a soft smile coming to your lips. “Yes, a very good thing.” You said and took a deep breath. “Wow… enough of that depressing shit, tell me about your favorite place in Velaris.” You said. 

You listened as Azriel talked about his favorite place, this small tavern in the Rainbow. They had a special set up where one could request the pianist to play a song and you could sing. You learned another new thing about Azriel. He loved to sing, when he was alone. Or in that one tavern. Of course the Inner Circle knew about it, but he went alone most nights. So, you made him promise you that he would take you there someday. Only so you could show him how horrible you were at singing. And maybe so that you could hear him sing. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent walking around the city, tucked under his arm to bring warmth to you from the cold. It was the dead of winter, and it was a nice day out but the wind was a little too brisk to enjoy it properly. Azriel kept you in the city into the night, even taking you to a short play in the Rainbow. He frequented this area a lot, he told you. He loved seeing what the citizens of Velaris created. You noted it, and promised yourself that you would reserve him seats for his birthday, or the next Winter Solstice. 

Eventually, you flew back up to the house. You would have preferred to stay in the skies longer, but there was a storm coming in that made the wind too cold to fly for too long. At least for you. Azriel offered to shield you, but you decided against it. You were tired from training in the morning and spending the rest of the day out. By the time you stopped in front of your door, you didn’t want Azriel to leave. 

You turned to him, leaning against the door. You really didn’t want to go back into your room. Alone. “I really enjoyed spending the day with you.” You said softly. “Maybe Rhys should steal more High Lord’s girlfriends.” You joked. 

He smiled at that, and as he did, his gaze turned into something different. A mixture of lust and fondness. Like he wasn’t ready to leave you either. 

“Care to join for me for tea?” You asked, hand slowly finding the doorknob. He only smirked in answer, and opened the door for you. You stumbled back, reaching out to grip his biceps to steady yourself. 

You let out a silent laugh, then looked up at him. His hazel eyes gazing into yours. You couldn’t take it anymore. 

The next moment, your hands were in his hair and your mouth was on his. You had to go on the tip of your toes just so you could reach him properly. And before you could stumble forward at the effort, he leaned down and picked you up by the thighs. Your shadows guided both of you over to your bed, making sure to push you one way or the other so you didn’t run into chairs. Azriel set you down on the edge of the bed, only bracing his hands on either side of you. You pulled away breathlessly when he leaned down to kiss your neck. 

“Az..” you let out a soft whimper. He found the spot in your neck that made your core heat further. “Please…” you needed him to be touching you with more than his mouth. Your body was on fire. Every drag of clothing or bedding made you shutter. How could he do this to you, make you want him this much? With just a simple kiss? 

“Please what, sweetheart? You need to use your words.” He whispered and you almost finished at his tone. The deep rumble from the back of his throat. 

“I need you to touch me.” You replied, pulling him in for another kiss. You let out a whine when he pulled away, but pushed your chest gently down on the bed. Your wings splayed beneath you, and you watched as his hands slowly ran down to your pants. 

You bit your lip, holding back a moan as he lifted your sweater slightly to kiss your stomach, then began pulling down the pants from your waist. You lifted your hips to help him. 

When they were discarded at the other side of the room, Azriel let out a growl at the thin pair of lingerie you had on. You didn’t pick it because you thought this would happen, but you were feeling a little frisky earlier. 

“You are gorgeous.” He whispered, his scarred hands trailing up your thighs. He gave them a light squeeze before pulling down the undergarments, smirking at how slick you were already. “Just for me, sweetheart?” Azriel asked. 

You whined, squirming under his gaze. “Just for you, Shadowsinger.” You said, reaching down to cup his cheek. “Now have your dessert.” You commanded. You were never too dominant in the bedroom, but you couldn’t wait. 

“Your wish is my command,” he whispered before his head disappeared between your thighs. 

You arched your back, a soft moan spurring from your throat as you felt his shadows pin you down on the bed while his tongue gave a gentle lick of your folds. You’d never thought to use your shadows like that. But now, you’d have to ask him how to. 

His hands trailed your thighs, squeezing them as he devoured your slick. One hand moved to that bundle of nerves, coaxing your climax further. You called out his name, straining against his shadows. Your hands took his hair, tugging on it as you forced him closer to your core. 

He removed his tongue from your center, switching it with two of his fingers. “You like this sweetheart? Having me on my knees?” 

“Gods.. Azriel yes.” You moaned, writhing in the grip of his shadows. 

As he plunged his fingers in and out of you, curling them ever so slightly, he dipped his head again, sucking on your bundle to drive you right over the edge. His fingers continued through your climax, his shadows releasing on their own accord as you arched your back. Your wings fluttered beneath you while you let out a moan you were sure could be heard all the way in Windhaven. He coaxed you out of it just as he coaxed you to it. Pulled out his fingers, he slowly licked them, then pushed himself up and kissed you. 

You tasted yourself on his tongue, your moan disappearing when he kissed you again. “You are incredible, (Y/N).” He whispered when he pulled away. You were panting. A slight sweat had formed on your forehead. Your sweater clung to you in an uncomfortable way. 

“You are,” you replied, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek. “Let me repay you.” You whispered, stroking his chin with your thumb. The slight stubble made your core heat again. 

“Get some rest, first. You’re tired.” He whispered and kissed you. “Tomorrow, we can talk.” He said, planting a kiss on your temple as he stood up. You sat up on the bed and grabbed his hand.

“Don’t leave.” You said. You weren’t going to deny you wanted to spend the entire night tangled in the sheets with him. 

“If I stay, we’ll be up all night. And you need rest for training tomorrow.” He said and leaned down, pecking your lips. “I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.” He said and winked before backing up, his shadows swirling around his feet. Like they knew he didn’t need them right now. Yours were doing the same. They knew you were both comfortable around each other and didn’t need them interfering. 

“Promise you’ll be there tomorrow?” You asked and a side smile appeared on his lips. 

“Promise.” And he left. 

He might very well be the death of you. And you were happy to give in, hoping it was slow and sweet.

A/N: ...I'm just gonna leave this here...

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[decadentpostnachos-evil-twin]

See a more or less short rendition of my experiences when I first read the acotar series (Three years ago?) beneath the cut. I purposefully misspelled some names, I don't feel like getting death threats from obsessive stans tonight. Bisou x

The funniest thing for me is that I started reading acotar spoiled and biased. I got the recommendation from TikTok, and everyone there was raving about Fey/sand and hating on Tamlin. So naturally, I started acotar being prepared to hate Tamlin and yearningly wait for Rice sand to make an appearance.

How the tables turned with that.

First of all, I was whipped for Lucien the moment he first appeared. (I have also been in the Eris corner ever since...2021? Or so, when there was literally one piece of writing for him and that was some headcanons. Anyway.)

Secondly, I folded for Tamlin too, against my expectations when hearing people say he was a nasty abuser and Rice sand is the feminist king. Like, I was prepared for Tamlin to be the biggest prick, and then he came along with lines like "I play a mean fiddle" or "I love you, thorns and all" and writing Limericks to help Feyrug learn to read, and he was fumbling so bad, it was just absolutely cute.

And when Rice sand made his first appearance, I was underwhelmed. At that point, I had only heard people sing praise about him and how perfect he is, and he was just the prick I expected Tamlin to be.

Utm was disgusting, and fundamented my dislike for Rice sand because he was giving Sex offender in the worst way possible.

Acomaf came along and I was kinda happy to have things "back to normal". And then everything went to shit, Tamlin was completely disregarded and vilified, as was Lucien. And Feyrug began sucking Rice sands dick. I was so disappointed, and I clung to any crumb of Lucien and Tamlin I could get, especially after the Summer Court debacle and the CoN whore thing, because that was just disgusting.

Acowar sold my soul to Eris, to the point of no return. I was an Eris girl before that, but after? Altered my brain chemistry. There's hardly anything he can do at this point to make me not like him. It also festered my hate for the Ic even more, and I began to really despise Feyrug too. I wanted to burn the book when Rice sand was resurrected, because I had hoped that he'd just stay dead atp.

Acofas was a train wreck and the only good things about it were the one appearance Eris and Lucien had each. The rest was either cringey or anger inducing, or both combined. My villain origin story.

Acosf... I hate how she treated Nesta. My girl deserves better fr. I despised Cassian's povs, except for the ones where Eris was present. (Duh) Once again, only a few good things about this book. Those being Eris, Lucien and the Valkyries. The pregnancy plotline sucks ass, and if I see one more Rice sand lover saying Eris is misogynistic for saying Morningan dresses like a slut while defending Rice sand for the shit he pulled with the pregnancy because "he just wanted to protect Feyrug" and still calling him feminist, I'm going to have an aneurism.

I went into this series biased. I literally hadn't even opened the first book and already thought Tamlin sucks and Rice sand is the greatest salvation. It was deeply ingrained in my mind before I even read the series. And even then, I came out hating Rice sand and his AA circle of life and loving everyone the popular narrative told me to hate. So no, I'm not delusional for liking the characters I do. People who blindly stan the Ic just lack reading comprehension or the will to think about what they are reading for more than five seconds because there's nothing more they want to know than the length of bad imitation Batman's cock.

[beingsuneone]

PART TWO!!

Tragedy: Pt. 2

PART ONE | PART TWO

SYNOPSIS: mourning the ‘loss’ of your husband is difficult, especially when you aren’t entirely sure what happened to him. PART TWO

FANDOM: ACOTAR

PAIRING(S): Rhysand x Fem!reader

RATING: G

MEMBERS MENTIONED:

GENRE/AU: I don’t even know y’all. It’s not fluff. It kinda of more angst but not entirely that either.

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

WARNINGS: hhggggg uhm, mentions of death, mentions of drinking,

A/N: JUNE DONT LOOK. ITS SPOILERS.

DEDICATIONS: jjjbdbhshdhshsjskksjsjsjsjjs

CREDITS: n/a

Fourty-nine years, for a Fae, isn't significant, just a blip in their immortal lives.

Fourty-nine years with a missing Mate and a bond that’s indiscernibly dead, is a much different story. 49 years of mourning a lover you don’t know is dead, of missing a man that you could still one day have again.

In Velaris, you and the others have only the most basic of knowledge, obtained previous to being locked within the city.

You know that a fearsome general named Amarantha had infiltrated Prythian and demanded that all the high lords come live under the mountain. You know that Rhysand must have given himself up to protect Velaris.

You know that the whole of Prythian had begun to be razed just before Rhysand locked you all away.

The other knowledge you have is based only on assumptions.

Rhysand’s under the mountain, Rhysand locked you in. Rhysand is stuck. Or dead.

You don’t know why the mating bond has gone dead without actually going dead, or why there is no line to tug anymore, no mental wall to caress, no voice to respond to.

Silence. Terrifying, heartbreaking silence.

For you, 49 years had felt longer than the lifetimes you have already lived, and longer than the centuries that will come.

“Y/N?” Mor slips through the door, pulling you from your thoughts.

You smile at her, though only half-heartedly. “Good Morning, Mor; to what do I owe this visit?”

She grins back at you. “I know that you still fret over Rhysand– we all do– but I heard that some of the citizen’s have been organizing a festival to celebrate him.” her face drops only a little as she sighs. “I thought it might be a nice change of pace for us.”

You take a shuddering breath as the reason for the festival dawns on you. “It’s almost the anniversary of the day he disappeared.”

It’s a statement. Mor nods. “The people still have hope that he’ll return.” she pulls you up out of your bed, leading you towards your dresser. She retrieves a dress that she knows is one of your favourites and shoves it into your arms. “So should we.”

You know she’s right– Rhysand could very well still come home– but something in your mind tells you that something is not right.

His emotions are not there for you to read anymore, like his mind had been blocked off.

It almost felt like there was no bond anymore.

Even so, Mor was right; you needed a distraction— something to take your mind off of your position as High Lady, and the details of your husband’s disappearance.

Mor slips out the door as you slip into your dress. It’s peak Night Court style— covered in shimmering stars and made of beautiful midnight fabric. It had been your first anniversary present from Rhys.

Still your favourite after all this time.

You huff at your reflection and shake yourself free from your thoughts.

Your people are waiting.

They need reassurance just as much as you do.

……

The square is decorated in purple and silver finery, the classic colours of the night court splashed in each eyeful.

The stones beneath your feet glimmer with a sort of dust that catches the sun like a gemstone and the plant life is strung with a thin string of glimmering sliver.

There’s a wall painted with a chalk portrait, a night sky, deep and dark with an insightful moon looking down on the land.

And, finally, in the middle of the square, is a beautifully painted portrait of your dear Rhysand; the likeness is sickening, but only in the way that it makes you miss him even more fiercely than before— it's an otherwise incredible painting.

The faces of your citizens reflect much more hope than you yourself hold. You see the few children of velaris, running and playing with chalk just a few paces from the festivities.

Most of the adults are already drunk off of whatever alcohol they could first find and Amren is standing bitterly in a corner, nursing a cup with— what you assume is— some sort of blood in it.

Cassian is very loudly drunk, his arm slung over Azriel’s shoulder while Azriel tries to pretend he’s annoyed.

Mor smiles sincerely at you and shoves a cup of something into your hand. “It was made by one of the citizens, they say it took them a month to perfect the brew.”

You peer into the cup; even the drinks at this event replicate the night sky. It has the same shimmering silver, swirling within a midnight blue base. It smells divine.

There is a small platform with two chairs at the edge of the square, blocked off by a navy rope. It would be yours and Rhysand’s seats, but today, it is just yours.

Although you're sure that your friends will all take their turns bothering you if you are sitting up there. Rhysand’s chair will not remain empty.

“Come on,’ Mor says, walking beside you up to the platform.

Once you're up there, you catch nearly everyone’s attention. Cassian and Azriel immediately move to stand near the platform and Amren settles into Rhysand’s chair like a cat would settle right where you don’t need them to.

However, you suppose it’s not the time in the evening because everyone resumes their previous activities not long after.

Cassian walks up and locks you in a headlock. “Hey! How are you doing?”

You sigh and smile once he lets you go. “I’m… Alright. This festival is stunning.”

“It is.” Mor chimes in, still staring out at the crowd.

There’s even a string of vendors lining the square, some with food and some with other wares and frivolities.

“How are you Cassian? Azriel?” You ask, looking past Cassian.

Azriel shrugs slightly. “Good.”

Cassian holds up his cup of whatever it is and grins. “I can’t complain.”

“I’m glad.” You respond absent-mindedly, finally taking the first sip of your beverage. You hum in delight. “That’s lovely. Mor, you must show me who made this.”

“We’ll do our rounds, and I’ll introduce you when you cross her path.”

Cassian leaves to mingle once more but Azriel sticks close-by, Amren stays in her spot with a book in her hand and Mor chats idly with someone near.

You wipe your palms on your dress, even though they aren’t sweaty and begin your rounds.

You talk to several people, conversations that involve idle chatter, Rhysand and even some problems you have to consider as High Lady; but those are far and few in between.

Finally you make it to a small booth, lined with cups and a few tea cakes, all fitting in the night court theme.

It’s the same swirling drink you hold in your hand.

“Hello, My lady.” The old woman behind the counter greets you. She is an older fae, much older than you.

“Hello,” you greet, smiling graciously at her. “The wine is amazing, were you the one who made it?”

She grins a toothy grin at you and nods. “I’ve been trying to make it for years and finally perfected it in honour of our High Lord.”

Your sweet smile drops just a fraction and you know she sees it by the way she begins to study you.

“I’m sure our High Lord is alive and well, my dear, that boy was always resilient.”

You breathe, a sort of laugh.

Rhysand may very well be alive, but if he were well, you were sour he would have returned already. Still, you must ease their minds. “I’m sure he is. Rhysand is…” you trail off, not having enough to describe how you see your husband.

She nods knowingly. “I know, My lady, you truly love him and his absence is very painful.” She passes you one of the small cakes. “Here, take this.” you start to each for a few coins but she shakes her head. “Please, my treat. I know well how you must feel.”

Your eyebrows furrow as you gently take the cake from her hands. “If you don’t mind my asking, what do you mean?”

There’s a forlorn look behind her wise eyes as she sighs. “I do not mind your asking, My Lady.” She continues as you take a small bite of the cake. The woman is talented when it comes to cake too, you find. “Many years ago, I had a mate, he was everything to me; we were together for thousands of years before he suddenly disappeared. I had no knowledge of where he might be, just a faint bond that I would try to tug on.

“I had hope that he would come home but… eventually I discovered that he had been murdered by a human after they had tortured him for months.”

Your swallow thickly. “I am so sorry.”

She shakes her head once more. “It was a long time ago, dear. What I'm trying to say is, you need to hold onto your hope, no matter how much time has passed.”

You purse your lips introspectively and nod slowly. “I’m trying to. I want him to come home.”

She gives you one last comforting smile. “He will. Our High Lord will come home.”

Your eyes burn and you have to choke back the urge to cry. “Thank you— for the cake, and the insight.”

“Anytime, My Lady.”

……

the day progressed into the night, teh children long in bed in their home by the time it hits midnight. You’re dancing slowly with Mor, a comforting waltz that you probably would have danced with Rhysand.

You can just imagine him here, pulling you in by your waist, gently kissing your cheek before telling you that you look beautiful and how much he loves you. The way his deep purple eyes would have shone with his love for you.

He would have loved this.

You would have loved watching him love this.

“I think it’s time for a speech.” Mor says, halting your dance and pulling you up to. the platform.

You settle into the chair while Mor grabs Azriel and Cassian.

Cassian whistles loudly to catch the crowd's attention.

when everyone is watching you stand, taking a deep breath. “I just want to begin by saying that this festival is breath-taking and every person who put effort into this festival is wonderful and talented.” You pause. “I just know Rhysand would have loved this.”

The crowd murmurs a bit and you see a few worried expressions. You know you must calm their fears even though you cannot calm your own.

“A wise woman told me tonight that I cannot let go of my hope— I have to believe that our High Lord will return to us, and so must all of you.” You pause. “Rhysand is out there somewhere and he is fighting to come back to us. He’s strong, smart and resilient; so please, do not worry for his safety, continue to celebrate him. Celebrate your past with him and your future, just as I will.”

The worried expressions seem to have softened which make you loosen up a bit. Mor looks at you encouragingly, expecting you to continue.

“In the meantime, while we wait for him to return, I am here to help you with whatever problems you may have. I am here to protect Velaris from any threat that may arrive.” You pause one last time and take a deep breath. “And lastly, thank you all so much for putting so much thought and care into this celebration of Rhysand.”

It’s silent for a second before a few fae clap and then everyone claps for you and shouts reassurances to you and everyone else in the crowds. You dismiss everyone and the party starts in full swing once more; expect now, it’s more uproarious, more joyful– your speech must have had the attended affect.

When you look at the portrait of Rhysand, you don’t feel so sad anymore.

……

You startle as the front door opens loudly, you wonder who it is but decide it’s probably just one of your friends. It’s been a few months since that wonderful festival, and you managed to maintain that unrelenting hope that your husband would some day walk through that front just as you’re sure one of your friends is doing now.

“Mor?” You call, assuming she was the most likely to come. “Is that you?”

Your feet patter softly, slowly as you walk out of your bedroom; you’re dressed in your Pajama’s but it really doesn’t matter.

It’s nothing that they haven’t seen before.

The silence unnerves you as you walk down the hall, Mor would always respond back. Maybe it’s Azriel? But, why would he come here alone?

Unless something bad has happened.

Your heartbeat quickens and you’re rushing to turn the corner into the living area.

The sight before you is worse than anything you imagined.

“Rhysand?” You squeak, feeling equally happy that he’s alive and upset at his silence.

He looks up at you; you see the trauma in eyes, the suffering and torture that you know he must’ve had to endure.

Rhysand doesn’t even get a word out before he drops to his knees; the sound permeates through the wooden floor as you join him down there.

You sit down and pull him into your chest, stroking his hair and listening as he sobs silently.

Your heart breaks for him, all over again and in a completely different, more angry way than before; you desperately wish you could hurt Amarantha for what she did to him. Whatever it might have been. It must have been her that kept him away for so long.

You’ll learn when he’s ready to tell you, you’re sure.

“Rhysand, My Love?” You whisper, still holding him close to you.

He pulls back and looks up at you, his mouth seems stuck, like there aren’t any words he could say to describe what he’s feeling or what happened; maybe there isn’t.

You gently pull him to his feet and lead him to your bedroom where you sit him down on the bed; he stares at the wall as you grab some new clothes for him.

You set the clean clothes down besides him and nudge his arms apart so you can take off his old clothes.

He complies; let's you unbutton his shirt and pull it off, pulls off his pants when he needs to, and then he slips the new clothes on.

“We have much to talk about, y/n.” He says, even his words sound broken.

You shake your head. “Save it for another time, My Dear Rhys. For now, let’s sleep. Okay?”

He nods.

….

Rhysand’s tale is long and winded; he tells of a human woman who fell in love with your brother, saved all of Prythian and ultimately died to save all of you.

The high lords had all used their powers to bring her back to life, turning her Fae and allowing her to live out her life with the man she quite literally died for.

He tells you how Amarantha had had an infatuation with Tamlin and had apparently cursed all of the spring court to wear masks for fifty years or as soon as he was able to get a human to genuinely say that she loved him. He had, evidently, been successful. She had also intended to keep the citizens of Prythian, high lords included, trapped under that mountain and under her power foever. He also tells you that he had tried to cut off your bond as best he could to avoid any detection of it and, once his magic was dampened, he couldn’t access it himself.

“I made a deal with her,” Rhysand says, “I told her I would help her make it out of there alive if she promised me a week of every month.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “Why did you do that? Take weeks of her time, I mean?”

“I’m not sure. I think maybe I wanted to save her from Tamlin before he could hurt her.” He pauses, “She seems convinced that she loves him.”

You ask her name and Rhysand complies.

Feyre Archeron. An interesting and fitting name for the woman who saved you all from an eternity of suffering. Especially the people under the mountain.

Especially Rhysand.

“It’s weird.” Rhysand, tugs at your sleeve and pulls you down into his lap. “Our deal made me able to hear into her mind, much like our mating bond. But still quite different.”

You nod absent-mindedly and run your hand through his hair. “I couldn’t tell if you were dead all these years. The bond was broken but it wasn't gone. I was so scared you were dead.”

“I’m sorry, My Love. I wish I could’ve talked to you. Maybe I wouldn’t be as hurt as I am now.” He buries his face into your neck, breathing deeply.

You stroke his back gently, not responding, letting him speak his mind.

How do you console someone after all that?

All content belongs to @beingsuneone , do not repost, copy or post on other platforms without my permission.

[daliasmay]

What if Beron loved LOA many years ago?

Just don't hit me, please😭I was too afraid to post these thoughts because someone might see it as an attempt to defend the strongest abuser in ACOTAR. But it isn't.

I accidentally blurted it out during a heated discussion about Autumn Court (Eris) with my best and lovely friend

It is not a theory, it is just… something that I suddenly imagine in my head really WITHOUT REASON AND WITHOUT ANY TIME FOR UNDERSTANDING.

I'm not going to defend Beron, even though he used his brain cell at the HL meeting. But...

Let me explain.

⚠️ I think it's important to point out that this is not an excuse, but an attempt to explain this holey plot ⚠️

LOA was the youngest sister. There is no description in the text that her sisters were married. We know that LOA powerful. I'm sure her sisters were the same. They were brave. They defended their little sister.

I thought that if all Beron needed was a pedigree, he could have married an older sister. But he chose to propose to LOA. And LOA waited one year. Beron let her wait a whole year. If it had been a one-sided 'sale' for the sake of procreation, no one would have given her the chance to wait for someone else.

When he chose those who could protect her and not betray her when she escaped - he chose her sisters, someone who would protect her no matter what.

To be honest, he already had children from her. Some of them were on the battlefield, the youngest were packed off to relatives. They would be enough for him, even for a bloodbath in the race for the throne.

I don't really understand the concept that Sarah wrote. Like, the more kids, the more spectacular the Hunger Games? That doesn't make any sense! Like the fact that Lucien was able to get a good education. If Beron had known from the start that Lucien was not his son, he would have either killed him or denied him such a chance to study. Knowledge is the most dangerous weapon. And he graciously gave it to Lucien while the other brothers barely had time to grow up before they were given lands to rule. No ruler would train a threat or a bastard. On the contrary, Lucien had to be illiterate. He should not be able to read, write or count. Nothing at all. Lucien was not given a piece of land. But he was given an education. He read and studied until he was bored.

Just because I think Beron loved LOA doesn't mean she loved him and wanted to be with him. It's just a thought I had in the autumn.

The Prythian is a very traditional place, so it seems that a good marriage is very important for women there. Even today there are folks and societies that are generally modern, but traditions are stronger. And many women are prepared for marriage from childhood, their families prepare huge dowries for them, and for many women marriage is the meaning of their lives.

LOA had autonomy of movement. That's a fact. She met Helion and had affairs with him for decades. That's a lot for woman who was supposedly kept locked up all her life with no voice and no freedom.

I just think that if Beron had loved her before, he would have allowed her to travel and visit the Prythian lands, for example, accompanied by her own guards and her own entourage. I think she had her own entourage before, some women and men who were loyal to her and who she helped with their court life.

That's the only explanation I can think of for why she could be with Helion and Beron just didn't realise it for many years.

And here Lucien.

The most powerful betrayal. And his personal shame as a High Lord and husband. Not only in the eyes of his family, but also in the eyes of the AC nobility. As if he was a sign that he can't control his family and his court. A sign of his weakness.

Sometimes I think his brothers hate him, mostly because everything went to hell after he was born.

Just imagine that everything was more or less fine overall, but after he was born, LOA was locked in the house and Beron went crazy😕 Started abusing her again and again, started abusing them.

The sheer betrayal in his eyes, the feeling of having his heart ripped out. And from that moment on, he decided to make her life a living hell.

She was full of life, now she is just… a shell of herself.

I imagine that Lucien's brothers had seen their mother laugh and joy, and after he was born she became completely different. It was as if he was the reason they had lost the mother who had raised them.

"Everything was fine until you were born"

Maybe, deep down, they realised that he wasn't to blame for what had happened, that it wasn't his fault. But he was the weakest.

They couldn't blame their father, they couldn't blame their mother. But they could blame Lucien.

Beron had no reason to kill Jesminda. He could have just forced Lucien to marry someone else. He could beat him up and so on. There were many more cruel ways.

Her murder was not only a blow to Lucien, it was a blow to the Lady.

A demonstration of how she had "wounded" him.

He showed her through Lucien's screams and tears, her favourite son, what she had done and made her believe it was her fault.

"Look what you've done with me. Look what you've done to him"

Jesminda's murder was organised to make Lucien, the most emotional son, cry and scream in his grief. A grief so intense that it tore LOA to pieces.

Lucien's execution was to be the icing on the cake of revenge. The final chord.

Every tear, every sob is part of the play to show how much he was hurt years ago when he realised that she had betrayed their marriage.

But Beron took things much deeper.

[aphroditelovesu]

Yandere Bat Boys/Azriel, Rhysand and Cassian Headcanons (Poly!Romantic)

❝ 🌹 — lady l: I finished another hc of ACOTAR and I hope you like the bat boys sharing a mate. I noticed that my yanderes have been softer lately and I tried to change it up a bit here lol Good reading and forgive me for any mistakes!! ❤️

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, kidnapping, Reader is the mate of the three, jealousy, mention of murder and torture.

❝🌹pairing: yandere!bat boys x gn!reader, yandere!azriel x gn!reader, yandere!rhysand x gn!reader, yandere!cassian x gn!reader.

The three brothers have always been very close and for centuries that has never changed. They had their arguments and physical fights, but they always understood each other and worked it out in the end. Everything remained normal between them for five centuries, even after everything that happened Under the Mountain, the three brothers kept their relationship the way it always was.

Until they meet you. You and Eris Vanserra were always close and endured Beron's abuse together like sibilings and trusted each other completely and you were helping him with his plans to overthrow Beron so Eris could become the new High Lord of the Autumn Court. Because of the alliance Eris was making with the Night Court to make this possible, you met your mates, the three brothers.

You knew something was wrong the moment you stepped into Hewn City. It wasn't just because that was where the real Night Court was supposed to be, or what everyone thought it really was, but because there was something strange in the air that left you intrigued and slightly scared. Only when you finally came face-to-face with the High Lord, the General and the Spymaster you have finally understand.

Mates. They were your mates. You knew it the moment you saw Rhysand's purple eyes gleam, Cassian's shocked expression, and Azriel's stern face soften. The mating bond clicked into place and your body was filled with mixed feelings. Excitement, confusion and fear. It didn't seem possible, there was no way one person could have three mates, right? Your mind tried to search for logical answers but there was no logic, they were your mates and they knew it.

To say they were blown away was a huge understatement. They didn't know what they were supposed to do the moment they found out you were their mate. They tried to keep calm, the mask they always wore, but they couldn't, not when they were as shocked as you are about this mating bond. How was it possible for a person to have more than one mate? And what were the chances that all three were yours? You were their mate, that was a fact, and it didn't take long for them to come to terms with each other.

At first they tried to solve it in a ''friendly'' way. Well, friendly in their ways, which resulted in Cassian and Azriel fighting with their fists on the ground and Rhysand staring at them with disdain. They needed to come to terms with each other before deciding how you would be introduced into the relationship. That was the master plan, but needless to say, that's not what happened.

It was Rhys who proposed a deal to share you after Cass and Az got tired of fighting each other. The arrangement was simple but it would be efficient for the three of you: each day you would spend with one of them, individually, except for specific moments when the three would be together with you. It could have happened that way, but you chose not to accept the mating bond. Or at least you tried to reject them and needless to say they didn't take it very well.

Why would you try to reject them? That wasn't right and they would never accept that. You were theirs, Mother herself had made this happen and you thought you could just reject them and it would be all right? Well, you couldn't. They didn't want to force you into this, to accept them, they wanted you to go willingly, but you made the wrong choice and it was their duty, as your mates, not to allow it.

So they kidnapped you. It wasn't the best choice to make, but you would understand why all of this and come to love them the same way they loved you, well, that's what they thought. You could remain reluctant and deny them all you wanted, but nothing would change that you are theirs as much as they are yours and nothing and no one would change that. No one would help you and even if they tried, they would never get past them without being torn apart.

Rhysand is most demanding of your attention and is constantly pestering you for it. He gets jealous easily and when that happens nothing good will come of it. He doesn't want to have to invade your mind, but if he feels you're lying in any way he will do so with no remorse. Rhys likes to have you sitting on his lap at all times, whether it's meetings or dinner parties, he prefers having you that way. The High Lord loves showering you with expensive and lavish gifts in an attempt to please you, and will sulk and become irritated if you try to refuse them. Rhysand would like to make you his High Lady/High Lord if you accept.

Cassian is the quietest in his obsession, he's not as demanding as his brother and not as possessive, he's the softest and most affectionate. He likes to spend time with you in his own way, which includes bear hugs and teaching you how to fight. Unlike the others, he wants you to learn to defend yourself and will be the one to teach you. Cass is jealous but will rarely have outbursts, usually he will take his anger out on whoever made him jealous and make you apologize to him for making him jealous, as well as being overly protective. Cassian is an emotional manipulator and will use it against you, but only if he thinks you deserve it. A real soft but just for you.

Azriel is the most dangerous. He is so possessive and controlling that it is overpowering, as well as being a skilled stalker. You will never be alone, one of his shadows will always be next to you and whispering your every move to him. Az is very protective of his mate and dutiful, although he is very aloof, he has his moments and enjoys their company silently, usually with his head resting on your shoulders and his shadows circling the two of you in a protective fashion. He likes to pampered you and will do it one way often. He definitely has the bizarre habit of watching you sleep and will always have a shadow surrounding you in your dreams.

It wasn't their choice to share a mate, but they warmed to the idea and having you in the middle just brought them closer together. It wasn't just because you were their mate, but because there was a glaring need to have you all to themselves, locked away in Velaris so only they could see you. They tried to win your love in a more normal way even though you got kidnapped but soon it won't matter anymore. You are theirs and end of story. Any threat will be dealt with quickly and painfully. Rhysand pulling you almost naked into his lap, Cassian kneeling at your feet and Azriel behind you watching everything. That was your life, but don't worry, Cass will make sure everything is accepted quickly. It's not like you have a choice and if you choose to fight, Hewn City will be waiting for you.

[anarchiii]

The One That Got Away —ACOTAR (canon) AU

Oneshot| warnings: angst | Azriel x Y/N

(This is anti Elain so bugger off if you have a problem with that)

Summary; a girl, let’s call her Violet (its easier than ‘y/n’) is Azriel’s best friend and a Valkyrie in training, she secretly loves Az but the one she loves is in love with Elain.

Note: this is an AU it’s not in the books.

Masterlist

✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰ ✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰ ✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰ ✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰-✰

I love you. Is what Violet desperately wanted to say to him. To Azriel, her best friend. That she, not Elain. Belonged with him. She had silently loved him for decades, he was perfect he was so kind and thoughtful, he was so so perfect. Violet had met him over sixty decades ago, Rhys had taken interest in her for her unique abilities. She was able to make maps, detailed renditions of the exact place, people and everything. It was like they were actually looking at them. It was a mirage of course. She was taken under The Shadowsingers wing for the ability. He had found you extremely helpful when doing his Spymaster things. Over the years you two had grown closer, he had started to confide in you, talk to you—about anything really, his job. Books he liked, his dreams—and you had done the same. You both had found you got along with one another well. But over the years your affection for him was no longer platonic, but something more. You loved him, really. But for a spymaster he sure wasn’t very good at noticing Violets affection for him. When he’d be training with Cassian and he’d take off his shirt. She would try and read but always get distracted ogling him—his muscles— She was practically drooling over him and everybody except Azriel noticed. Like whenever Violet would be chatting with Feyre or Mor she’d start talking about Azriel—so much in fact your friends had to basically shove something in her mouth to get her to shut up.

There was only one problem. Azriel was in love with Elain not her. She’d noticed ever since Elain had showed up Az had been spending all his time with her, oh. Violet wanted to go get lunch with him? Nope. He was always busy, busy with her. A couple of weeks ago Violet was celebrating her birthday and had invited Azriel, he’d never showed up. She had waiting hours for him, even after the party had finished and everyone had gone home she’d still waited. Eventually she’d given up and gone home—sulking in her to big bed—the next day she’d gone over to Azriel to confront him, he was standing near one of the many balconies talking to Elain, storming her way over to the pair she turned to Azriel ignoring Elain’s presence entirely. “Why didn’t you come to my birthday party Az?” Violet demanded. She watched as Azriel’s eyes widened slightly with surprise. He didn’t even remember? “I’m so sorry Violet I completely forgot, I had been talking with Elain and I must’ve lost track of time” Azriel said apologetically, But she didn’t miss the way he’d said talking, Violet looked to Elain from the corner of her eye to see the female blushing slightly. They’d been kissing. Elain had been sticking her tongue down his throat. While she had been waiting at the party with eyeliner running down her face. She was beyond pissed at both of them. Violet sucked in a deep breath fighting off the urge to claw the woman’s face off. “We’re so sorry Violet if we had known it was your birthday we wouldn’t have gotten distracted, once again were both so sorry” Elain said. “Save it Elain. I don’t want your petty excuses, just leave it.” She snapped.

“Hey, there’s no need to be mad it was a simple mistake. Besides the party wasn’t that important anyway, we can just celebrate it some other time.” Azriel said, anger lacing his every word. She couldn’t believe him, Wasn’t that important? It was her birthday for fucks sake. “Fuck you!” Violet said baring her teeth at him. With that she stormed off ignoring Cassian’s confused look.

She barely made it to her apartment before breaking down into tears. She hadn’t meant to say those things to them but she couldn’t help it. How had she fallen in love with Azriel in the first place? And why had she pursued him even though he clearly didn’t see her that way. She was about to go and hop in a nice warm bath when knocking appeared at the door, She walked over to it opening it as she wiped away her salty tears, looking up she saw Azriel standing there, what did he want now? “What’s wrong with you?” Azriel asked, oh, oh. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you!” She practically screamed. The audacity. She looked into his eyes—eyes so full of anger, anger that was directed at her— she glared at him and he glared back. She was definitely not in love with him anymore, the thought made her tear up. Salty water streaked down her already wet face.

She looked at him again to find not even an ounce of pity or regret or anything apart from anger. That made her cry more, so she whispered “I can’t believe I was ever in love with you” Azriel’s eyes widened at that. He opened his mouth to respond but Violet had slammed the door in his face, locking it before sliding down it. Until she was hugging her knees, sobbing. She briefly remembered frantic knocking on the door, she didn’t open it. It eventually stopped. She got up and stumbled—because she’d been sitting for so long— to her bathroom, drawing a bath before stripping off her tear soaked clothes. She got into the boiling hot bath. Breathing in and out, her heart trying to regain a steady rhythm. After a while the bath water went warm then cold, her skin akin to a prune. Getting out of the slippery tub and drying herself off with the nearest towel. She barely put on clothes before she flopped onto her bed, bursting back into tears.

She woke up the next day in a daze, her pillow soaked. Her bed a mess. She rolled over on her bed, ending up on the floor with an “bitch” Violet groaned. She got off the ground and sauntered to the little kitchen, popping on the kettle to make some tea. She started on some toast while she waited. After she had finished breakfast and gotten on some decent clothes. She stalked out of the apartment and made her way to the townhouse. Once she was inside she made her way to Rhys’ office.

She rapped a few knocks on the door before a “come on in” came from inside the office. She opened the door and walked in before closing it behind her. Rhys met her eyes from behind the desk and she knew he was aware of what had happened yesterday. “Hey” she whispered “hey” Rhys repeated. “Could I talk to you please?” Violet whispered.

AZRIEL’S POV

Azriel felt terrible. He’d felt terrible ever since those words had came out of Violets mouth, Loved you. Violet had loved him. He hadn’t talked to anyone since yesterday, no one, not even Elain. He had given Rhys a brief explanation telepathically. He had been throwing up non stop from guilt and shame. After a while he eventually got up from kneeling at the toilet. He changed clothes and wandered over to the dining room where he saw Rhys, Feyre, Nesta, Cassian and Emerie talking and eating, Rhys looked up from where he’d been looking at something and when he met his high lords eyes he immediately knew something was wrong. He followed Rhys out to one of the many terraces, “What happened?” Azriel inquired. “Violet leaving is what happened.” Rhys said gruffly. Leaving? No that can’t be right. “Why is she leaving?” “I think you know the answer to that question. You have cost me a very valuable member to our inner circle Azriel.”

He felt sick. What had he done? He had completely ruined a decades long relationship with his best friend all because he fell for another woman, he should’ve known how she’d felt. He’d caught her staring at him on multiple occasions. When he’d put on a nice suit and she would just stare. And look starstruck. But he had just ignored it. “Do you know where she is?” Azriel said frantically, “back at her apartment probably if you fly fast enough you could catch her.” Rhys replied. He didn’t say anything else before he blasted off the terrace and flew faster than he’d ever flown before. He practically slammed into the cobblestone road outside her apartment. He raced up the steps to her floor and slammed his fist against the door. The face thar greeted him when the door opened was not one he recognised.

VIOLET’S POV

She had been zipping up her bags when frantic knocking shook the door, she knew who it was before she even opened the door. Blue eyes met those of brownish gold, in the most steely voice she could manage she said “what are you doing here” the surprise on Azriel’s face said it all; She had never looked at him this way. “I’m here to say I’m sorry, I really miss you baby, I’ll stop seeing Elain. Please I just want you back” Azriel said, but she could hear the lies dripping off the words. She did feel a little bad for Elain she hadn’t meant to snap at her. “It’s too late Azriel I’m leaving for the Summer Court now. Good luck.” She said simply then she winnowed her bags away before locking the door to her empty apartment and sauntered past a shocked Azriel before winnowing away to the Summer Court.

Two Years Later.

Violet couldn’t believe it had two years now, it seemed like just yesterday she was working for the night court, drinking wine with Mor, bickering with Cassian. Reading with Amren, discussing painting techniques with Feyre. Having deep conversations with Azriel. Discussing fashion with Rhys. Laughing with Nesta, tending to the garden with Elain. Although she regretted what had happened with Azriel, she had stayed in touch with the inner circle. She had started talking to Elain again via letter. A few months ago she had sent a letter to Azriel to say she was sorry for the things she had said to him and that she wished him well. She had a lovely villa by the beach and now worked for Tarquin, she had met a nice man a year ago, she was now engaged with a baby on the way. She wished she had handled it better with Azriel but the past was the past.

The End.

(Sorry I know this was random and a bit intense)

@itswritten @azriel-is-my-cinnamon-roll @acotarfans-blog @azrielhours @shadowsingerr @illyrianbitch

[lucysstoryworld]

Lease of Life | Azriel x Reader part 2

Hey! Thank you all so much for all the love on the first part. I am honestly blown away by the support and didn’t expect it to become so popular, so truly thank you for that. You’re all incredible.

Just a forewarning, it has been awhile since I read acotar so some things won’t be exactly like the book so forgive me :)

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Angst, violence, dark thoughts.

Drip… Drip… Drip…

Was that noise water of blood?

Where am I?

What happened?

The pounding reverberating through your skull was the only thing you were sure of at the moment. The dull, slow throbbing that threatened your already nauseated stomach even if you so much as lifted a finger. It didn’t help that the breathing of whoever was in the cold room with was so damn irritating. Silence is what you needed, craved. Just enough silence that you could exist unnoticed until the pain passed. 

Room... breathing.. 

Realisation dawned upon you, prising your eyes open with such violence that  the ache in your head threatened to render you unconscious. Inch by inch, you pushed yourself from the ground, feeling as though you were moving in slow motion. You searched around the room, trying to find the source of the breathing. Trying to find your sisters. 

Though you were met with the face of a man. Long, golden hair. Green eyes. Positively handsome. He made a troubled face look exquisite. 

“You’re awake. He will be pleased,” He seemed to say more to himself than to you. 

“Where are my sisters?” Voice crackled, throat aching for water. 

“Safe. That is all you need know, (F/n).” 

He had to be joking, “Safe? Safe... How wonderful, a bunch of men come into my home, rip us from our beds and... murder our staff. How safe of you,” Speaking, no, barking at him the way you did was sure to earn you a beating. However, the images of Dina’s snapped neck fuelled the fire raging at the core of your being. 

“Males,” He responded, eyes flicking from your own to the damp ground you were currently seated on. 

“What?” 

“You said men. Fae are not men and women. We say males and females.” You furrowed your eyebrows, staring at the... male as if he had grown a second head. 

“So from what I just said to you, all you got was that I incorrectly termed your friends. Whatever.” You seemed to trigger something in him, he curled in on himself slightly. 

The moment of vulnerability was short lived when his eyes hardened and he pushed himself to his feet, “You’re more like her than the others. You should keep that smart mouth of yours shut if you know what’s good for you,” Was all he said before he took his leave.

A slight groan and another wave of sickness had you resting your head upon the tiles. At least the cold was smoothing your headache. It lulled you into a dreamless sleep. 

* * *

When you awoke once again, it was instead to the sound of heavy footsteps nearing your cell. A cell. Your confusion from before hadn’t allowed you to fully realise your surroundings. Not that you had much to look at. Nor did you have much time to dwell on it. The headache had not passed and this time it had brought a fresh fever. A cold shiver rattled your body before you were hauled to your feet by those who entered your prison. More males. Lifting you seemed to be as easy as lifting paper to them. You were sure these were the beasts humans were taught to fear. Brutal and ruthless. When your feet began to falter, the creatures shoved you with such force that you stumbled into the ones in front of you. Your breaths became laboured, lungs weak and your heart was stuttering in your ears. From the fear or the stress on your body you weren’t sure.

Blackness began to dance in your peripheral vision when you finally stopped in front of a large wooden door. The slight tang of blood hinted at the back of your tongue, as a slow dark stream dribbled from your nose. Before you had the chance to try stump the flow, a shove had you staggering into the large room. The light sent white hot pain spearing through your eye sockets. Once again, hands plunged you forward. This time, there was no one in front to cushion your fall and you slammed onto the floor, your hands barely catching your body. 

“You bastard! What did you do to her?!” Nesta’s voice ripped through the room like ice cold water. 

Raising your head, you finally saw everything. Your sisters on a dais, kneeling before three crowned women... definitely women. Though the expressions on their faces matched that of the animals that treated you as though you were dirt beneath their feet. Front and centre on the dais was another male whom, like every other fae male and female had a face that seemed to blessed by beauty for which gods kept for themselves. His face was wickedly beautiful, cruelty incarnate. In spite of that, the cauldron in the centre of the room seemed to suck the life out of the room. 

No... it consumed it. 

You couldn’t tear your eyes from it, even as fear prickled your very soul. It was like it was daring you to look away. Taunting you. 

A loud ringing pierced through your hearing, like it was only you and the cauldron. Facing off. It eating into every fear that you possessed. 

“(F/n)!”

Feyre’s screech finally had you moving your gaze. She was surrounded by her family, her eyes screaming unbridled terror. Terror for you, Nesta and Elain. 

“You lay one traitorous hand on her, Tamlin, and I will make good on the debt owed to me for my mother and sister,” Rhysand growled. Turning your head, you saw the blonde male who greeted you in your cell. He seemed frozen in place, his hand outstretched with a scrap of cloth. You assumed it was for your nose, but you could not bring yourself to take it. Your senses were overridden, panic replacing the blood in your body. 

“Now, now. Enough with the theatrics and let us get to the purpose of today.” Everyone’s attention snapped to the man. With a wave of his hand, two men picked Elain up. Elain who was as pale as a sheet of parchment. Elain who made no acknowledgment of the situation thus far. “As promised, human queens. I will show you that immortality can and will be gained.” 

Nesta’s thrashing and screaming became violent as she fought with all her might to get to Elain. Be that as it may, her efforts were fruitless. Elain was plunged into the cauldron, seconds and eons seeming to pass simultaneously. 

A tingling danced through your fingers, an aura passing through your vision. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t happening. Elain had to be okay. She is to be married soon. With that insufferable, alpha-male Grayson that, in this moment, you wished with all your might would come in and rescue her. Save her from the hell she was plunged into. Loud, rattling breaths racked your body, the thumping to your head returning with a vengeance. You locked eyes with Feyre, trying to tell her what was about to happen with your eyes alone. Pleading with her to make you safe. 

And when that blasted cauldron was tipped, and Elain slithered out covered in a sheen of some otherworldly essence was when your eyes rolled back into your head and you dropped to the floor. 

* * * 

Nesta, Feyre and the inner circle watched in horror as convulsions jerked (F/n)’s body. Feyre thrashed and fought in attempt to get to you with Nesta following suit. “Please let me go to her! Please! She will choke!” Mania seemed to grip Nesta’s body. When she could not break free from her captor’s hands, she began to wail “Just turn her on her side at least! Please!”

Tamlin took it upon himself to hold (F/n) on her side as foam began to leak from the corner of her mouth. “I want her in next!” Hybern boomed, seemingly delighted by the situation. His eyes were focused on the newly fae Archeron sister. Elain, whom was examining her new body, still had not uttered a word. She only turned and watched as a guard ripped her sister’s still seizing body from Tamlin’s grip and approached the cauldron. 

Nesta’s crying, Feyre’s roars, all efforts fell on deaf ears as (F/n)’s body disappeared below the surface of the cauldron’s depth. 

* * *

Cold, yet warm. 

Harsh, yet gentle. 

Welcoming, yet uninviting.

All the sensations of the void were at odds with one another. 

Darkness. That was the only thing that appeared to be harmonious in this environment. You wished to stay in the peaceful void, though your body screamed at you to get out. 

What seemed like an eternity passed when light flooded your senses once more. The peace was short lived when you coughed a black liquid up onto the tiled floor. Your head shot up, eyes meeting that of Azriel’s, whom looked like he had seen a ghost. 

“What’s happening?” You all but squeaked, barely remembering anything from entering the room and now. Looking down at yourself, you felt a gentle whirring in your blood. A whirring that felt like you had been born anew. Reborn with a body that felt strong, that bared no hint of the ailments from before. 

When your lithe fingers made contact with your ear, it all made sense. 

Fae. 

“What the fuck,” You whispered to yourself. 

A strange scent flooded your nose, something that you could not explain nor had you ever smelled it before. Whatever it was, it felt wrong. 

The cauldron. 

That’s what it was, you realised when you turned to see Nesta being dragged towards its domineering opening. You wanted to move, ached to run towards her but you felt anchored to the ground with some unmovable force. 

You watched with horror as Nesta met the same fate as your own, as her hand remained above the surface, pointed at the man in charge in a silent threat. 

In a silent promise. 

The general roared, lunging towards your eldest sister. Only to have his wings shredded in the process. Screams erupted from Feyre and her family. Possibly even you, but the sounds all fused as one and you couldn’t find your own in the mix. Seeing that blood pool from his body had you emptying the contents of your stomach onto the floor. 

When the cauldron was tipped once again, Nesta’s body flowed with it. You sobbed as you pulled her towards your body, feeling an unmatched terror as she lay motionless.

“C’mon, wake up,” You mumbled, slapping her cheeks. 

Moments passed before she sputtered to consciousness. Despite the situation, relief was the only thing you could feel. Relief at her survival. Elain’s. Your own. 

“Hybern you son of a bitch!” Morrigan growled, almost animalistic. 

“What a perfect outcome! Look,” He gestured from the human queens, to you, “Look at this success. The cauldron even possessed the power to cure the shortcomings of this human girl. Rest assured, you will be immortal. Never again to be plagued by the ailments of a mortal body!” 

“You’re psychotic,” You boomed before you realised you were speaking. 

The only reply in which you received was a smile that screamed victorious. Like he was the most cunning male to have walked Prythian. Narrowing your eyes, you challenged him. You knew it was idiotic, but you dared him with your gaze to take you on. To jump into the ring with you. 

Before he had the inkling to respond, blinding white light exploded throughout the room. Frantically, you tried to find the source. Only to see that it was pulsing from Feyre. Raw power flooded your senses. Flooded from your sister into you, filling you with the purest form of love and protection. Like Feyre actively encased you with all the comfort that she hadn’t in the years since she had left. 

When it finally dimmed, she appeared different. Her eyes darted around the room, looking for something. 

“Tamlin?” Her panicked... innocent? voice whimpered. 

Someone then. 

Feyre began a tirade of almost incoherent mumbling about how she had been taken against her will and glamoured this whole time. Confusion rippled down your body, looking from your sister to Tamlin whom looked at Feyre as though she brought the sun and stars to the earth. Looking back at her family, they looked just as bewildered as you felt. It only lasted a second before Morrigan and Azriel were with you. Morrigan clasped both her hands onto you and Nesta, while Azriel lifted Elain. 

And from one moment to the next, you went from being seated on the tiled floor with Nesta to the plush carpet of place you had never been. The scent of Feyre lingered throughout the room, providing you with some comfort. It did not last for long. 

When it dawned upon you that she was not here, you shot to your feet with legs that had the consistency of jelly. You leaned upon Morrigan, and looked at Rhysand with such anger that it sent that whirring in your blood boiling. 

Whispering, for you felt that you could not keep the cap on that boiling sensation if you raised your voice so much as an octave, you said, 

“Where is she?” 

I hope you enjoyed this! Let me know if there are any mistakes! :)

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