#i read all the keeper short stories online

[lucyshypemaster]

guysssss I really hope someone posts the marella short story bc *ahem* *cries in international reader*

[open-hearth-rpg]

Hearts of Wulin Now at Age of Ravens

Hearts of Wulin, a PbtA game of wuxia romance and melodrama is now at Age of Ravens Games. Written by Joyce Ch*ng and Lowell Francis (me). This game and its expansion, Hearts of Wulin Worlds, offers a range of playstyles by focusing on the powerful heroes trapped by a web of obligations and personal desires. 

It’s pretty awesome IMHO. It draws on the literature of writers like Jin Yong and Gu Long, in particular adaptations of those stories in dozens and dozens of TV series (Laughing in the Wind, The Proud Twins). It also works to include things like more recent web novels and their adaptations, with rules for xianxia and the fantastic. The core book includes ideas for various genres, narrating fight scenes, building entanglements, and handling historical/courtly games. 

Hearts of Wulin: Worlds includes several settings: 

Shadow of Joseon, set during the Korean Joseon Dynasty. (Yeonsoo Julian Kim)

1905: San Francisco, presents a Chinatown just emerging from the shadow of the Chinese Exclusion Act. (Banana Chan)

Cour de l'Eppee transports Hearts of Wulin to swashbuckling France. (Cat Evans)

Academy of the Blade offers a dueling academy inspired by Revolutionary Girl Utena. (Alison Tam)

Fight Me IRL is a unique take on cyberpunk. (James Mendez Hodes) 

Silk & Steam gives you a wondrous silkpunk setting. (Kienna Shaw)

It also includes two major rules add-ons:

The Villain, a new playbook. Not all wulin "Heroes" are heroes with a capital H. Some start in a darker place... 

Numberless Secrets, a new set of rules for telling mystery/investigation stories in Hearts of Wulin. 

These can be found on Drivethrurpg– both are part of the ongoing GMs Day sale happening right now. 

Personally I’m really excited about the future for Hearts of Wulin. Though I never learned the print run, I do know that the last of the physical copies recently sold out at Indie Press Revolution. I have a short list of things I’m hoping to accomplish. 

Get it up on itch.io. I know some folks prefer to get their ttrpg pdfs via that site. 

Figure out how to get Print-on-Demand versions up on Drivethru. I’ve been told this is a challenging process to get right, so I’m hoping to talk to some folks who have done it before. 

Publish the Names & Entanglements deck. This was a self-print add-on for Hearts of Wulin. It's a useful resource for character creation and I’m hoping to have physical copy available for sale. 

I’ve always said folks should feel free to hack and rework Hearts of Wulin as they wish. But I’d like to get a clear Creative Commons license out there for everyone and encourage folks to play around with the system.

Eventually I might do a 1.5 version bringing some of the HoW: Worlds material over into the main book, as well as a couple of rules updates.

I want to publish a collection of Numberless Secrets mysteries along with guidance for running detective wuxia games. I love the series Ancient Detective and this is the best way I get to play out those kinds of stories. 

Get an online keeper which has easy to use set ups for all of the expansion worlds. We have a solid one– newly automated thanks to Agatha– but it doesn’t have all the expansions. 

Some folks have done from amazing things with HoW so far (inspired by media like Scott Pilgrim, Cobra Kai, Star Wars and beyond). It would be great if I could assemble a collection of new hacks and settings, maybe with some additional play options.

Finalize the one translation agreement I’ve been offered. 

I want to thank everyone who has read and/or played Hearts of Wulin. It remains a game I love to run and it would be amazing to have more people try it out.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Alright, I'm currently going through that free online version of Stellarlune just so I can see curly haired Bronte and all the Kenric scenes, and possibly Fintan, do you know what chapters are they in? Kenric seems like a fun character. Kinda toxic but I love him for it <3

-Heathen (Yes, this will be the only kotlc thing I have read. Well, aside from that Linh thing, but I barely remember it. It was basically just "I'm jealous of Glimmer because of how much time she's spending with Tam. That's my Tam time.")

(link for anyone else who wants it)

Hi Heathen!! I don't know if you've found those scenes yourself already or not, but in case you haven't, you appear to be referencing scenes that are all part of the cache.

That starts at chapter 12 (although the first cache secret doesn't start until chapter 13), and continuous to chapter 16! I believe everything you mentioned is in there, but there may be other scenes I'm forgetting.

If you do read all those chapters, that will be the most of keeper you've read! It's about 70 pages total, which is 10% of Stellarlune. Much longer than the Linh short story.

Hope that helps!

[chalice-dungeons-and-amygdalas]

I'm starting a new campaign with some friends online that I'm calling "Nadir's Haze" and this one is just going to be what I wish the Witcher 3 was: a game about investigating mysteries and hunting monsters.

I also played Monster of the Week again recently as the Keeper for the first time and now I am compelled to shove half of that system's mechanics into D&D 5e where it falls short: giving players abilities that have agency over the narrative, and more options for character customization.

The things I'm taking and transposing into 5e are:

The basic moves: Investigate A Mystery, Read A Bad Situation, and Protect someone

The luck system

The end of session experience tracking

The hunter playbooks and transposing their features into 5e

So I've had this game idea brewing for a long time, since like February 2018 I think. The first draft was a video game taking place in modern day Europe, mostly inspired by the Souls games, particularly Demon's Souls. This has stuck around and become more of a MH-like over time, though. The second draft was a Monster of the Week version of that same idea. Very little changed. It didn't last long. The third draft was just a one-on-one RP thing with a friend that resembles the current form of the story more than anything. It included the current iteration of the main antagonist and the story starting with the PC waking up in a hospital after meeting the big bad and blacking out.

Now we get to the fourth and final draft, which merges a bunch of other stories I've made up into a more typical steampunky fantasy setting. This is the version I've been the most excited about because it finally gives a home and complete story to all of these characters I've had for so long that were disconnected from anything significant.

And now that I have a group and a better understanding of how to run this, it miiiiight take over my life a little bit lol.

[lavenderskiesandlilacstorms]

PLEASE HELP ME FIND THIS STORY

I AM GOING INSANE PLEASE SOMEONE ON HERE IS ALWAYS THE KEEPER OF ODDLY SPECIFIC KNOWLEDGE THAT I NEED AND I AM COMEING AFTER YOU WITH A BROOM STICK

Can you help me find a short story online? I read it once and now I can't find it anywhere and I olmy rember a few bits of the story and I forgot its name

Im not sure if it has a title or not is the thing

Ok so it's formatted as a letter to a new homeowner, the person tried to stop the house from falling into anyone elese hands but this person has it now, the letter goes over some rules of the house, the ones I rember are

1. Dont light the chimey it will invite it in

2. Dont leave a room with uncovered mirrors it's also an invitation and theu arent as nice as the chimey beast.

3. Ignore the growing comeing from under the stairs

4. Never use the backdoor it dosent lead where you think it dose and there is a monster there

Now I am greatly paraphrasing these rules and there were a few more but I can't rember them

The person in the behining of the letter talks about how they tried to stop the house from falling into anyone else's hands for years but for whatever reason as stated in the letter that if your reading it then it's very clearly not worked

The letter is also written in a tone of warning and forbodeing as to all these rules

It ends with the previous homeowner wishing the new one the best of luck with all this

I found the story as a screenshot on pintrest but I think it was originally written on tumblr

Please I have been looking for this for hours today, I've asked my friends and all kinda of shit but I feel such an intense emontal need to read it again please.

Sorry for all tje spelling errors I'm actully illiteracy

[thestalkerbunny]

When I’m sad and stressed and it feels like the world is falling apart around me in slow motion; I manic create. Which seems like I’m creating all the time so I guess that says something about me.

These are some Shop Keeper NPCS I made for Shadow Oaks, please look at them. There’s a lot of love here.

Auntie Yuan-Ti’s is a sort of fill in for that ‘small town chinese place that is family owned and it’s absolutely BANGING’ run by 3 generations of Yuan-Ti woman, Mama Hissha, Ssssarah and Ssssarah’s daughter, Hissaffany. Hissaffany runs the social media page, Ssssarah handles a lot of the store face stuff and Mama Hissha INSISTS that she be the one to cook everything lest they catch the wooden spoon. Yuan-ti cooking can be described as weird mix between Chinese, Indian and Mexican Cooking. A lot of spice, a lot of rice and a whole lotta nice flavors.

UnderSun is a tanning and nail salon run by two elves of the woodland and drow variety. They claim they’re sisters, but legally and biologically that claim holds water like a leaky pot. They have ALL the gossip tho. Tanya runs the tanning beds while Brittany does nails most of the time.

Spirits of the Wine is run by Raymond; an old school medium. He does pretty well for himself since a lot of people in town love just be raging alcoholics. He sounds like Moe from the Simpsons but he’s a lot prettier and a little more well adjusted....sorta. Rumor has it, he’s the son of a hag and one time someone saw him turn into a horned owl and fly off into the woods. But that’s silly. Hags don’t have BOY children.....right?

Evermore is a Raven Kenku (not a CROW) who runs the bookstore. He isn’t as well spoken as most Kenku but is working on picking up new words by letting the Ladies Book Club have their meetings there and listening to read aloud story time for the little kid. Evermore apparently is a sort of town legacy-his ancestor was one of the founding party members of the town. But you never hear him brag about it.

Something Familiar is the pinnacle pet store for all your critter supplies. Jaque is it’s sole employee as of now and he’s going to collage 40 minutes away to learn to be a vet. He loves all kinds of animals from cats and dogs to ferrets and fish-but the EXOTIC things make him nervous as they often bite him (like domestic griffin cats, Mini owl bears and Jewlery Box Mimics.) Mr. Muffins is his employer and actually a very important zoologist in the creature community. He’s always dragging in something new and weird for Jaque to deal with. He owns the store as a way for steady local income for his wife and kids so they can stay in one place and not hop all over the country like he does. His wife’s name is Felice-but he affectionately calls her Fleas.

Audrey’s Flowers is run by a Fey named Audrey and her druid husband Seymour. They seem like an idyllicly wed sort of couple and it’s not a strange sight to see Audrey milling around town doing mundane things like shopping or book club. It’s unsure how a 3 like Seymour is wed to a 11 like Audrey; what is known is that apparently Audrey used to have a very ‘unpleasent beau’ that was very mean to her that she tolerated until she met Seymour in the woods one evening. They have two children, Orchid and Audrey jr.

Short and Stout is exactly run by who you’d think it’d be run by. Brightglass the Halfling and his Dwarven Wife and business partner, Shirley. Their little boutique is the only one in town that hasn’t eaten absolute SHIT during the first year; mainly because they sell a diverse range of things and Brightglass knows how to operate an online store.

[verai-marcel]

Master List of RDR2 Fics

Last Updated: 3/18/2023

Trigger Warnings in (parenthesis), other tags in Chapter 1 or beginning of fic. If a link doesn’t work, check #writing or #rdr2 fanfic or #rdr2 drabble or #rdr2 headcanons to find it. Latest fics have a *NEW* next to them.

I’ll try to mark things as Female Reader (F!Reader), Male Reader (M!Reader), or Gender Neutral Reader (GN!Reader). If I forget, just let me know so I can update.

Red Dead Online Original Characters are on the bottom of this list. Also find them tagged under #rdo oc.

Also all my fics (including ones not posted on tumblr) can be found on my AO3 page here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verai

——————————————–

One Shots (Newer fics at the top of the list):

Spy Awry 2: Mail Room Boogaloo - Arthur x Fem!Reader, modern AU, 18+ (DubCon) 

Spy Awry - Arthur x Fem!Reader, modern AU, 18+ (DubCon)

Serendipitous Meetings - Arthur x Fem!Reader, modern AU, 18+

Forever and Always -  Arthur x Fem!Reader, fluff 

Of Dragons and Love - Arthur x Fem!Reader, 18+

Sharing is Caring - Arthur x Fem!Reader, Charles x Fem!Reader, 18+

Maid for Him - Arthur x Fem!Reader, Canon divergent AU, 18+

A Bear of a Man - Werebear Arthur x Fem!Reader, 18+

Know Your Place - Angry Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, 18+ (NonCon, DubCon)

——————————————–

My Series:

The Upsides of Property Damage (3 of 5 chapters posted, Ongoing, co-author with @shootybangbang)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 

Double Dedication - AU, Morgan Twins x F!Reader, 18+ (Complete)

Between High & Low: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Possession & Punishment

Payback

Vulgarity & Vows: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 

Noir AU - Arthur is head of security in a night club run by the Van der Linde family, and you’re a backup singer in the club. (Complete)

My Song Bird - Arthur x Singer Fem!Reader, 18+

Instinct - Arthur x Singer Fem!Reader, 18+ 

Ride Through My Heart - Modern AU - “Biker AU” - Tattoo Artist Arthur x Dancer Fem!Reader, John x Florist Fem!Reader, 18+ (Complete)

Before This Dance Is Through - Modern AU Tattoo Artist Arthur x Dancer Fem!Reader - Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Clean - Side Story

The Light That You Shine - John x Florist F!Reader - Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

The Things That We Could Be - Charles x Journalist F!Reader - Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

This Is Perfection - Model Javier x Photo Intern Fem!Reader

Do What I Dare - Tattoo Artist Arthur x Dancer Fem!Reader

Neighborly Affection - AKA “Neighbor AU”, Modern Mechanic Arthur x IT Help Tech Fem!Reader, 18+ (Complete)

The Man Next Door: Chapter 1 - Beginnings | Chapter 2A - High Honor Arthur version | Chapter 2B - Low Honor Arthur version

First Round’s On You: Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor

Meeting The Friends - Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor

Playing Dress-Up - Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor

Stress Relief - Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor

Taking Time For You - Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor 

Tech Support - Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor

Domestic Bliss - Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor

Life Level Up - Side A - High Honor | Side B - Low Honor | Epilogue

Corrections - Modern AU - “Prisoner AU” - Prisoner/Construction Worker Arthur x Prison Guard Fem!Reader, Charles x Vet Fem!Reader, Javier x Barista Fem!Reader, 18+ (Complete)

Submit to Release - Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, originally a request one-shot (DubCon)

Side Story: Arthur’s First Day Out - Arthur & Charles, best buddies

Invitation Only - Medium Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader

Into The Wolf’s Den | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2  - Medium Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader

Revealing More - Medium Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader

The Reality of Idle Fantasies  - Medium Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader

Lost and Found - Charles x Fem!Reader

Side Story: Charles Volunteers - Charles volunteers at an animal shelter

More Than Words | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 - Charles x Fem!Reader

Confessing Darkness - Arthur x Fem!Reader

Caring for Kitten - Charles x Fem!Reader

All Tied Up - Arthur x Fem!Reader

Breaking Habits - Charles x Fem!Reader

Absolution - Arthur x Fem!Reader

What Is Real | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 - Javier x Fem!Reader

Sweet Surrender - Arthur x Fem!Reader

Forever In Your Arms - Vampire Arthur x F!Reader, 18+ (Complete)

Part 1: Midnight Rendezvous: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Part 2: Midnight Promises: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 (TW: some angst, assisted suicide, death, blood)

Desperate Desire - AU - “Deputy AU” - Deputy Arthur x Doctor’s Assistant/Burglar Fem!Reader, 18+ (Complete)

Sinful Payment: Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader (NonCon)

A Fortnight of Falling: Medium to High Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader (DubCon)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

A Reason to Return - High Honor Arthur

An Unconventional Union - High Honor Arthur

Inescapable Rapture: Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader (DubCon)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Back Alleys Are No Place For Proper Ladies - Low Honor Arthur, Consensual Non-consent

Taste of You - Incubus!Arthur x Fem!Reader, 18+ (Complete)

Part 1: The Sweet Taste of You

Part 2: The Pure Taste of You

Inevitably, Irrevocably - Arthur x Female OC (Links to AO3)(Complete)

Trial

Tribulation

Torment

Tempest

Terminal

Time & Again

A Corrupting Touch - Low Honor Arthur x Gender Neutral Reader, 18+ (Complete) (DubCon, NonCon)

Part 1: Compulsion (NonCon)

Part 2: Coercion (NonCon)

Part 3: Constriction (NonCon)

Part 4: Captivation (DubCon)

Captured Hearts - Low Honor Arthur x Bounty Hunter Fem!Reader, 18+ (Complete) (DubCon)

Part 1: Reversal of Fortune

Part 2: Chase Me Down

Part 3: Let Go

Part 4: Breaking Point (TW: Attempted Rape)

Wind and Water - Arthur x OC, Grace Chang - Short fics

Open Hand, Closed Fist

Chopsticks

In The Palm Of His Hand

A Name By Any Other

——————————————–

Tumblr requests/gifts (Newer fics at the top of the list):

Not What He Seems - Arthur x Fem!Reader, High & Low honor, 18+ 

Low Honor  |  High Honor

Holiday Surprise - Charles x Fem!Reader, Christmas Lovin’, 18+

Heart of Starlight - Arthur x Unnamed Female, Mythology-inspired, 18+

After-Heist Delight - Samson Finch x Fem!Reader, 18+ 

Snapped -  High Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, 18+ (Slightly DubCon)

Time For Us - Charles x Arthur, fluff, romance

A Smile Worth More Than Gold - Arthur x Eleanor Ivie (OC), fluff, romance

Hidden Desires - Low Honor Arthur x F!Reader, 18+

Surprises - Arthur x Gender Neutral Reader, lingerie, 18+

Motivational Training - Dual Honor Arthur x Gender Neutral Reader, Modern AU, 18+

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2A - High Honor | Chapter 2B - Low Honor

Healing Touch - Low Honor Arthur x Healer Fem!Reader, 18+

Locker Room Lesson - Arthur, John, Charles, & Javier x Fem!Reader, Modern AU, 18+

Rough Competition - Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader Outlaw, 18+

Helping Hands - Low Honor & High Honor Arthur x GN!Reader with sensitive gag reflex, Short Fic, 18+

Better Than a Dream - High Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader Outlaw, 18+

Solicitations - Arthur x Fem!Reader, based off this drabble, 18+

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Business Time at the Bistro - Store Manager Arthur x Fem!Reader, Modern AU, 18+

untitled drabble, takes place after story

Alternative Payment - Low Honor Arthur x In Debt Fem!Reader, 18+ (NonCon/DubCon)

Trapper Keeper - Arthur x Trapper Fem!Reader, 18+

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2A: High Honor | Chapter 2B: Low Honor

Just This Once - Arthur x Abigail, 18+

Giving Up Ain’t So Bad - Low Honor Arthur x Bratty Fem!Reader, 18+ (DubCon)

Reading Between The Lines - Arthur x Librarian Fem!Reader, 18+ (Mild DubCon)

Mail for You - Low Honor Arthur x Mail Carrier Fem!Reader, 18+

The Better to Take You  - Werewolf Arthur x Fem!Reader, 18+

RIde'em Cowgirl - Low Honor Arthur x Drunk Fem!Reader, 18+

A Curious Experiment - Low Honor Bounty Hunter Arthur x Reader, 18+ (DubCon)

Male Reader | Female Reader

Defying Discipline - Low Honor Professor Arthur x Fem!Reader, Modern AU, One shot, 18+ (DubCon)

Playing for Keeps - Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, One shot, 18+ (NonCon, DubCon)

Worth the Risk - High Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, One shot, 18+

Steal A Moment With You - Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, One shot, 18+

Lesson In Humility - Low Honor Arthur x Rich Virgin Fem!Reader, One shot, 18+

One and Only - High Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, 4 Chapters, 18+

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

Getting Into Character - High Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, One shot, 18+

A Hard Lesson - Low Honor Arthur x Fem!Reader, One shot, 18+ (DubCon)

——————————————–

Tumblr Headcanons: Search for RDR2 Headcanons!

——————————————–

Tumblr Drabbles:

untitled - Charles x Reader, fluff by the campfire (Gender Neutral)

Sensitive - Arthur x F!Reader who orgasms too easily, 18+

Installing - Arthur helps install your cable modem (Gender Neutral)

untitled - Arthur has a skinny crush (Gender Neutral)

When Love Blooms - Arthur is the Death Horseman

Arthur in Modern Times AU Series (Gender Neutral):

untitled - Christmas time, Arthur gets a mistletoe belt buckle.

untitled - Arthur helps get rid of your headache, 18+

untitled - Arthur learns about BDSM, 18+

Caught - Wacom Tablet Pt. 2 - Arthur learns what a blow job is, 18+

Wacom Tablet Pt. 1 - Arthur learns how to use a Wacom tablet

untitled - Arthur helps crack your back (Gender Neutral)

Part 1 | Part 2 - Arthur gives you hugs (Gender Neutral)

untitled - Charles gives you a comforting hug (Gender Neutral)

Imagine bartender!Arthur - Arthur as a modern day bartender (Gender Neutral)

Black Belle - Arthur submitting to Black Belle, 18+

Shower Singing - Modern!Arthur sings in the shower, F!Reader

Uniformly Speaking - Arthur as a UPS delivery man, Modern AU, GN!Reader

untitled - Arthur teaches GN!Reader how to kiss

untitled - Beer enthusiast GN!Reader x Arthur

untitled - Soliciting Arthur for “services” (Gender Neutral)

untitled - Merperson GN!Reader x Arthur

Dream Dad - Single Dad Arthur x Single Parent Reader, Gender Neutral

untitled - Bartender!F!Reader x Arthur

untitled - Gender neutral reader sucks on Arthur’s fingers, 18+

untitled - Modern AU, Charles practices hairdressing on you (Gender Neutral).

Change of Standards - Modern AU, Arthur & You walk through Target (Gender Neutral).

See What I See - Modern AU, Arthur gets scouted by a modeling agent (F!Reader).

Timeslip - Modern AU, Arthur falls into a time portal and meets you (Gender Neutral).

GIve or Take - Arthur drops his journal, and you pick it up (Gender Neutral).

——————————————–

Everett Osborn - RDO OC

Everett’s Backstory

Cactus - A short convo between Everett and the local sheriff.

Everett x Thief F!Reader series (Complete):

Domestication - Everett traps you, 18+ (DubCon)

Dominion - Everett finds you again, 18+ (DubCon)

Rewarding His Pet - Everett runs into you and gives you a reward, 18+

Between the Law - Everett x GN!Reader x Tom Davies, 18+

Mistaken - Drabble - Everett gets mistaken for another cowboy.

untitled - Drabble - Everett meets said cowboy after borrowing his hat.

An Unexpected Development - Everett x Allie Foster, RDO AU, OC x OC, 18+

Verai Marcel AKA Min - RDO OC

Verai’s Back Story

untitled - Drabble - A little bit of angst, featuring Fletcher

Firsts & Lasts - Verai/Min x Mateo, a story of her past, 18+

Everett x Verai x Mateo

Inexplicably Inevitable - Min & Everett run into a ghost from the past. 18+, MM, MMF

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 *NEW*

Everett x Verai

Dumpling - Verai/Min & Everett make new year’s dumplings.

Counting Stars - Songfic, Verai & Everett work on their relationship.

untitled - Drabble, Verai & Everett, right after their first night.

Forward - Drabble, Verai, with Everett’s help, moves forward from her past.

Cathartic - Verai tells Everett about someone she loved in the past.

We’ve Only Just Begun - Full Fic - When Everett met Verai for the first time.

Braid - Short Fic - Everett has more skills than he lets on.

Decision - Short Fic - Everett makes a decision. Feature Kira, Stevie, & Ruby from Death Squad.

Stay - Drabble - Everett finds his safe place.

Soft OC Ask - Drabble - A short journal entry from Verai about Everett.

Names - Drabble - Everett asks Verai for her real name.

Rain - Drabble - Everett has a moment in the rain with Verai.

[tooruluv]

Kozume Kenma x F!Reader x Tetsurou Kuroo ( part 5 )

❝ i’m right here, when are you going to realize that i’m your cure, heartbreak girl? ❞

description: kozume kenma didn’t know the exact day in which he realized that he was in love with you. he knew very well that it was sometime after your first “hello”, but the exact moment got whisked away in the many memories that included you. the problem was, though, that you were in love with and in a serious relationship with the boy he claimed as a best friend.

genre: angst, pining, unrequited love, (characters are aged up as the story continues)

word count: 1.5k

warnings/notes: swearing, all of the characters are aged up in this one, everyone is staring university !! i am so sorry for the short part, i wanted to update this. it’s a filler chapter for next part (which is pretty long and i havent even written all of it yet)

prev | next

“ i fell in your arms tonight ”

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

Kozume Kenma hadn’t seen nor heard from you in a while. 

After the beach house, it was graduation. And that was it. He had watched you from afar at Nekoma’s graduation, had adored you in that gorgeous dress that you wore for pictures. 

With the third years gone and both of you starting your last year of high school, neither of you had a reason to see each other. Kenma didn’t play his last year of volleyball, instead opted to watch from the stands and focus on starting to stream his gaming.

You were focusing on your finals and entrance exams, and on occasion visited Kuroo at his university. He was rooming with Bokuto, so it was a two in one deal when you went. They were happy to sneak you in to stay the night, too.

It was as if when Kuroo left, there was a wall built between your friendship.

Kenma’s online popularity grew quite rapidly. It was almost overwhelming how incredibly fast he had a following, how quickly people rushed to his streams and asked for his socials.

He didn’t mind. He liked to game; and honestly, a lot of their advice helped him beat levels. 

It wasn’t something that he wanted to have as a career, which is why he applied to university as a business major. As much as he loved gaming, it wasn’t the only thing he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to do more.

While streaming one day after school, one of his followers had asked him “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Kenma read the comment out loud, rolling his eyes, “I don’t think that matters.”

The mystery of his personal life made him gain even more popularity, it seemed.

You set the coffee down on the edge of the table, rolling your shoulders. 

You had been studying for hours when Keiji Akaashi arrived to sit in front of you. It was kind of random, your friendship with him. He was Bokuto’s best friend, and you were Bokuto’s best friend’s girlfriend. It was like having a cousin you kind of knew but not really.

Either way, Akaashi had become your saving grace since starting your final year. 

“We have a volleyball game tomorrow.” Akaashi said as he handed you a bagel. “You should come, support the team.”

You smiled. “Yeah, I would love to.” 

You found Koutarou Bokuto at the game, sporting old gear and his famous smile. It was incredibly different to find him in the stands instead of on the court.

“If it isn’t Bokuto himself.” You smiled as you stood next to him. He searched for only a second to find you, pushing you playfully with his hand. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked. “I thought you didn’t watch our games.”

“Akaashi invited me.” You offered him a sip of your concessions soda. He accepted.

“I’m excited to see Hinata.” He handed you your drink back, even though he drank most of it. “His quick attack has only improved.”

“You’re not wrong.” You chuckled. 

Bokuto put his arm around your shoulder and cheered as they announced the starting line up, happily exclaiming for his best friend. You cheered, too. 

“Hey, I’m sorry for telling Kuroo about Kenma.” He told you in a low voice. Despite the loud cheers, you heard him. 

“It’s fine.” You shrugged. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“That’s hurtful.” He started to move his arm from your shoulders, but you put your hand on his to keep it in place. 

“I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.” You said. “I haven’t even talked to Kenma, and I haven’t had a fight with Kuroo since. I was just saying.. I shouldn’t have burdened you with that big of a secret.”

“I am an awful secret keeper.”

You laughed. “Yeah, you are.”

Kozume Kenma watched from a distance. He was wearing one of Hinata’s hoodies in an attempt to blend into the Karasuno side. 

Hinata had invited him to their game. He had no idea that he would find you in the crowd. You never went to your own games.

Kenma bit the inside of his mouth.

In all truth, you missed Kenma.

It didn’t matter how awkward it would be. It didn’t matter how much guilt you resided in your rejection. You missed him. You missed going to him for little things. You missed sitting on his beanbag and watching him play whatever game he was playing that day. You missed late night phone calls and facetimes. You missed meeting up at the asscrack of dawn to get ramen while the entire world was still asleep. You missed your head in his lap. You missed him.

You missed your best friend.

And, in truth, he missed you too.

He missed everything about you. He missed your smell, how sweet you always seemed to smell even in the early mornings. He missed how he didn’t mind your touch. He missed your smile. He even missed when you would complain about Kuroo to him. He missed you.

As his best friend’s girlfriend or not. In love with you or not. You were his best friend, and he missed you.

Kozume Kenma’s streams were the highlight of his day. Without Kuroo’s everyday nagging, he didn’t spend a lot of time talking to others. His social stats were at their lowest.

Streaming was his main form of communication. He loved talking to his followers and fans, thanking them for their subs and reading comments.

His username was “applepi”, which was what he always used for his user for everything. With that, his fans called him “pi”. It was ugly as shit but it was better than “cat boy” or some bullshit pet name.

They knew his actual name, too, and he told them that once he started university, he would also post a face reveal and start streaming with a facecam. It was a strategy and also a fun way to create some mystery as to who he was. 

hey pi, when do u start uni ?? someone had asked.

Kenma, who was playing and trying to read some of the flooding comments at the same time, replied, “When do I start university? In two weeks. I got accepted into my first choice, so that’s pretty exciting. I’m sure you all will be patiently waiting for my facecam.”

A new rush of comments rolled in, congratulating him on his acceptance and excitement for his face reveal. 

His mind was still on you at the volleyball game.

Turns out, you got accepted into the same university as Kenma.

You didn’t know it at the time, of course, because you had no idea which one he wanted to go to. But you did.

Kuroo, Bokuto, Kenma, and you would all be going to the same school. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking. You had to stop your hands from shaking as you packed your bags.

You were a bundle of nerves.

You wondered if that was what Kenma felt like before he told you that he loved you. If that was the same feeling.

As you packed, you found Kuroo’s old red hoodie that he told you to keep when he saved you from your parents at the beginning of your relationship.

It had been over a year since then, you reminded yourself.

Knocking interrupted Kozume Kenma, making him jump slightly in his chair. He hadn’t started his daily stream yet, he had only just started to set up, so he headed to the door.

Of all the things he was expecting, he was not expecting to see you standing on his doorstep. He was not expecting to find your eyes on his, rimmed in tears and redness, and he feared that he was imagining the sight in front of him.

“Hi.” He said against the silence. 

“Me and Kuroo broke up.” You said as a greeting. 

Kenma didn’t have a second thought before he stepped aside to let you in. He didn’t think before tweeting to his followers that he would not be streaming that day. He didn’t think before pulling you into his arms and allowing you to cry against his chest.

Because love does a lot of things, but it doesn’t go away with mere silence.

tag list: @elianetsantana @sazunari @jennasquishy8 @chao01248 @alysken @cinnamonruts @paradisebabey @kikikittykis @yatoatyourservice​

[awanderingdeal]

Lazy summer mornings with the cubs.

Is this an update for one of the many works in progress that I have? Afraid not! This is a story that I wrote live on the discord (after some inspiration from @ais-for-alex), with a bit of editing. The flow still isn’t 100% but I’m pretty happy with it. 

It’s smutty mess of emotion, featuring some of the corniest lines I have ever written. I would apologise but these boys make me feel things. RATING: EXPLICIT. 

All credit for the wonderful Leo, Logan and Finn goes to @lumosinlove. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they weren’t travelling, summer break was filled with lazy mornings that Leo treasured. Sometimes, like today, Finn slipped out at first light to play basketball with Alex, Kasey and Natalie. It left Leo and Logan to wake slowly. Inevitably, Leo would be the first, piling pillows behind him so that he could make some headway in the required reading for his online class. Eventually Logan would crack his eyes open, stretching and popping his limbs. Once he had fought through the sleepy haze, Logan would grab his laptop, finding a documentary to meet whatever his latest obsession was. Apparently, ‘The mystery of the rebel pharaoh’ was not as riveting as it sounded because Leo could feel Logan getting restless beside him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Leo saw Logan rip off his headphones and he heard the slap of a laptop closing. What he doesn't expect is Logan's fingers on the band of his underwear. Leo protests, just wanting to get to the end of his chapter. Logan’s hands still but his eyes are bright and wanting. Leo knows that look. 

"Can I?" Logan asks, a slow smirk spreading across his face. The words are few but Leo understands the question is related to the article that Logan sent him yesterday. The article he had opened whilst in a meeting with Cameron, the specialist keeper coach, by the way. He'd been expecting something mundane about picking up groceries or what setting on the washing machine to use, not 'Cockwarming 101'. He can still feel the heat of the blush that had spread over his face and Cameron’s concerned questions.  

Leo nods his consent and Logan takes his penis into his mouth. He is fairly certain that he should have just dropped the reading, because how was he supposed to concentrate with his cock in the warmth of Logan's mouth. However, surprisingly quickly, it becomes an intimate, comforting sensation and he is able to make progress. Occasionally, Logan would shift or hum his contentment and it would send a shiver through Leo. He breathes through it and waits for himself to calm down, feeling Logan grin around him. Leo sees Logan's hand move to his own cock, stroking it lazily. His fingers barely grazing over the darkened skin, matching the lazy sucks he'd started to subject Leo to and Leo's resolve breaks. He puts his tablet down, his fingers tangling in Logan's hair, "Alright, baby. Go ahead."

Logan's eyes glance up at Leo, and somehow he looks the picture of innocence despite the fact that he still has Leo between his lips. Logan suckles Leo a few times before pulling off with a pop. "Finished reading, baby?" he asks, giving Leo a smug look that Leo really really wants to hate but just can't. 

"You know very well that I wasn't," Leo scoffed. "But somebody is needy."

Logan laughed, "I don't know who you are talking about."

Leo raised an eyebrow, "a minute ago you seemed interested in keeping that smart mouth occupied by something else." 

Logan pressed his lips to Leo's thighs, mouthing a mark into the skin. His fingers played aimlessly with Leo's balls, "what if I’ve changed my mind?" 

Logan reached out to grab Leo's hand. "Non," he sang, pulling the long limb towards him. It fell comically onto Logan's curls, but Leo knew what he was going for and wrapped his long fingers into the hair with a snort. 

Leo groaned, his head flopping back against the headboard. He quickly composed himself. Logan could be a shit, but Leo was more than able to match the teasing. "I'll just finish studying then, shall I?" he retorted, contorting his features into a smirk.

"Better distract me then, sweetheart," Leo grinned, lifting Logan's head gently and leaning down to press his lips against Logan's. Logan, having had enough of the games, licked his lips and sunk his mouth down on Leo's cock with a practised ease. His movements matched the lazy morning, slow and unhurried, savouring the moment. Logan's fingers clenched into Leo's hips, there so often that the skin seemed to have moulded itself to make a home for them.

A picture of restraint, Logan kept the pace slow. Each time Leo thought he couldn’t take it anymore, Logan’s tongue would lap at the head, taking the edge off. It was a beautiful kind of torture; Leo's length cocooned in the heat of Logan's mouth. He wanted nothing more than to thrust into it, to chase the pleasure humming just there. But Leo let himself fall into the heady feeling, let himself be guided in the way that Logan wanted.

Lost in the sensations, the first Leo knew of Finn's return home was the low whistle from the doorway. Leo's eyes snapped over to meet Finn's. Logan only sucked harder, pressing his fingers to the thin skin at the base of Leo's balls. A spot that  Logan knew would make him keen - nothing if not a performer. 

"Can I request that I come home to this all the time?" Finn breathed, pushing himself off the frame of the door. He crossed the room, the tight athletic shorts he was wearing left little to the imagination. 

Somehow, Leo managed to find his voice. "Hey sweetheart. Good game?" he asked. Twelve months ago, when Leo was just starting to let himself imagine what this could be, he never could have conjured this image. Sometimes he still felt like he was dreaming. The reality was so much better. 

Finn hummed a reply, leaning down to catch Leo's lips in a slightly salty kiss. "Yeah. Nat and I won, of course," Finn grinned, his fingers lingering on Leo's cheek.

"Morning, Lo." Finn added casually, his eyes glancing down the bed. Logan's mouth morphed into a smile around Leo. His eyes were questioning and Finn didn't need words to know what they were asking. "Sorry babe, I'm tired. Gonna jump in the shower and grab some food. You enjoy yourself though," Finn answered. Twelve months ago, Finn would never have turned down an opportunity like this. Leo knew that Finn too had been afraid that one day he was going to wake up and it'd all be over. But Finn was more secure these days. He could say no because there would be a lifetime of opportunities to say yes. 

"Can I steal that mouth for a second?" Finn chuckled. Logan drew off Leo with a purposeful slurp, his lips painted with the signs of Leo's pleasure. Finn didn't hesitate before pressing their lips together, and Leo could have sworn his heart stopped for a beat when he saw Finn's tongue brush the mess away. "You always taste good, baby," Finn winked at Leo and it should have been cheesy, but Finn managed to make it effortlessly cool.

You think he's going to jerk off in there?" Logan laughed, cocking his head towards the bathroom door.

Leo rolled his eyes gently, his muscles jerking as Logan took him back into his mouth. "It's Finn so who knows? Fifty percent chance he's jerking off. Fifty percent chance he's practising his fake out and he's going to end up in the ER," Leo snickered. 

Logan murmured his agreement, a breathy laugh sending a shiver up Leo's spine. He gave Leo a long lick before glancing up at him and pulling away again. Leo's eyes widened. He was officially going to combust. He was going to be the first person with, 'died of horniness', on their death certificate. 

Logan huffed out another laugh, "Okay, Okay. Let's get you sorted. As much as I love having you in my mouth, I know half of that big brain of yours is already planning what to feed Finn." 

Leo couldn't argue with that, "You know me too well, Logan Tremblay."

 "Maybe you're just too predictable, Leo Knut," Logan countered.

Logan hollowed his mouth and filled it with Leo again. There was no moderation this time. Leo could feel him everywhere. His hands squeezing his balls, gently at first, and then harder. Logan's lips pressed tight around him, dragging down his cock and then back up again. His tongue wrapping around the head, dipping in to taste. Leo is vocal, gasping out encouragement liberally. Logan deserves to know how good he makes him feel. If he is a little louder so that Finn can hear from the bathroom, then that was his prerogative. Logan pushes Leo's legs up, his hands grasping onto his thighs. Leo knows what is coming and tries to prepare himself; he never can. Logan's mouth is at the head of his cock again, sucking and it doesn't stop. His legs push up but Logan's hands are strong against the pressure. Leo's eyes meet Logan's and that is enough for him to be emptying into his mouth. Logan doesn't falter, working him through it. 

It's a few seconds before Leo finishes soaring, although it feels a lot longer. A few seconds before he notices that Logan was now resting on Leo, lips barely brushing his penis and  hips rutting into the sheets. "Need a hand, Lo?” Leo asked, his voice still shaky.

Logan's eyes squeezed closed, his body stilling and Leo had his answer. He brushed his hands through Logan's hair until his green orbs were visible again. Logan blushed in the way he always did when he came untouched, no matter how many times he and Finn told him how much they loved it. 

"Come here, sweetheart," Leo cooed, pulling Logan up his body. "How many times?" 

Logan smacked his hand on Leo's chest, "Just twice."

"Just twice," Leo chuckled. "I'll try harder next time." He brushed his thumb over Logan's lips, still a bit tacky. "Tell me when?" 

It was part of their normal routine now. Sometimes a way to debrief. An easier way for Logan to let them know what he liked. A relationship saver really, because if Leo had heard, "all of it," in response to "what was your favorite part?" again, then he wasn't going to be responsible for his actions. Sometimes a way to ramp things back up. The start of a 3rd, 4th or even once, a 5th time.

Logan nipped at the thumb playfully, "When Finn kissed me. When he took you from my lips. And then he just...licked." His words trailed off, barely audible at the end as if he was reliving the moment. Leo couldn't blame him. It had been hot.

"Yeah, I think that might be ingrained in my memory forever," Leo agreed, taking his thumb back and replacing it with a quick kiss. The bathroom door opened, releasing a haze of steam and a very relaxed looking Finn. 

"He lives!" Logan teased, his laugh full and happy. 

"Had a bath in the end," Finn shrugged, letting the towel wrapped around his waist fall and Leo was sure that he left it a beat longer than normal to pull on a fresh pair of briefs. "I got distracted." Finn continued.

 Leo pulled Logan's damp clothes from him, the shorter boy lifting up to aid their removal. "I'm just going to grab a cloth," Leo whispered, kissing at Logan's jaw. 

"...and then I couldn't stop so I just re-enacted that whole scene in the perfect bathroom. I was Harry, Myrtle and the merpeople. Deserved an Oscar if you ask me." 

Leo caught the end of Finn's monologue, complete with enthusiastic gesturing, as he walked back into the bedroom. He'd learnt long ago not to ask questions, but that was definitely not what he had been expecting.

"Sounds like you had fun, babe," Leo chuckled, tapping Finn's ass as he passed by. 

"And don't think I didn't hear your dramatics. Very much appreciated, by the way." Finn said, an arm wrapping around Leo's waist as he was pulled back to Finn. Leo felt Finn's hand tilting his chin and pressing his lips to his own. It all happened so quickly, leaving Leo a bit dazed. 

Leo blinked, looking down at Finn with a smile. He took Finn’s hand from his chin, pressing his knuckles against his lips before pushing the washcloth into his curled fingers. "How about you take care of our boy over there and I'll make breakfast?" 

Finn hummed his approval, kissing Leo again. His collarbone this time. "I like that plan,” he said, reluctantly untangling himself from Leo. Still, there was a bounce in his step as he made his way to the bed. From the arms of one love to another.

Leo didn't leave straight away, letting himself indulge in the whispered tenderness of Logan and Finn. It was moments like this that he loved the most. The calm before the storm, as Leo thought of them. Soon they'd get up and it would be a symphony of noise - Leo loved that too - but for now it was murmured nothings and skin on skin, searching out comfort in the familiar beat of one another's hearts. Moments that should have been too private to watch, and yet Leo was welcome.

[tamorapierce]

Tammy's Spring 2020 Reading Recommendations For the Bored

Sooner or later the bookhounds among us are going to start joining my relentless song, from age five on up, of “I don’t have anything to read!!!!”

 I am here to help.  In this space, as I get to it (knowing, as my readers do, that I have no sense of deadline), I will be posting a constant set of collections of book titles by authors my team and I have read and will recommend in a wild variety of genres and for a wild variety of ages.  (And I’ll give a short hint as to the subject of the first book/series—if I did them all I’d never finish this.)  This last is for the many of you who are reading teen and adult books in grade and middle school, and those adult readers who are reading teen and kidlit. These people are for those who love books and don’t care who is supposed to be reading them.  

 Also, you may have to look far and wee, since we will be drawing upon not only recently published books but older ones that we have either read recently or that we read long ago and have re-read or have never forgotten.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you when the writing is archaic.  If you’re a true nutsy reader like the rest of us, you won’t care.

 -Tammy Pierce

                                                        *     *     *

Assume the book came out within the last 2 years unless I put LO next to the title, which means you have to check libraries and bookstores online and paper for copies.

 *     *     *

 Diana Wynne Jones  LO

A generation or two of fantasy writers, particularly those who love humor, bow to this woman as our goddess.  Not only was she out of her mind in a very British and manic way, but with her TOUGH GUIDE TO FANTASYLAND she taught a number of us to ditch some ill-considered tropes of our genre.  If you write historic fantasy in particular, move heaven and earth to track this book down.  There’s a bonus: some of the entries will make you laugh till you cry.

           She is best known for her books for middle grade and teens, but they are enjoyable for all readers.  I cannot list them all here because my fingers will break (curse you, arthritis!), but these titles will give you a jumping-off point.  And remember, authors change with each book, so you won’t encounter the same author with each title as the author you read in the previous one!

           The Chrestomanci books, all in the same universe, in order of story,

                       not publication

Charmed Life  (1977) An innocent lad follows his plotting egotistical sister to live with England’s chief wizard

The Lives of Christopher Chant (1988)

Conrad’s Fate (2005)

Witch Week (1982)

The Magicians of Caprona (1980)

Short stories

 The Dalemark Quartet begins with

The Spellcoats (1979)

3 sequels

 The Derkholm books are

Dark Lord of  (1998)

Year of the Griffin (2000)

  The Tough Guide to Fantasyland is standalone, but is a kind of offshoot of the Derkholm books.  You don’t have to have read the Derkholm books to get Tough Guide!

 There are other books and stories by Jones—I’ll let you find them on your own.

  Philip Pullman

To this day I am unable to call him anything but Mr. Pullman—that’s how much in awe of the man I am.  We’ve had dinner together, talked on the phone, talked at an event or two, done a conversation on audio with Christopher Paolini—it’s still Mr. Pullman to me.  (I was an assistant in a literary agency when I discovered his work, and I never recovered.) He is, in a word, brilliant, and his interests range through all kinds of areas, particularly history and religion.  I could have talked with him forever that night we had dinner, but the poor man had jet lag and I let him go to collapse.  It was one of the best exchanges of ideals, values, and books I’ve ever had.  

Read his work carefully, because what he discusses is never just the story on top.  No matter what he writes, he is making strong points about social justice, human nature, religion, and history without preaching.  He is one of the few male writers out there who can write female characters as people, not Something Different.  And you never know, with his work, where he will go next.

 The Ruby in the Smoke,

book 1,  the Sally Lockheart mysteries

Victorian mysteries with a female hero and male assistants,

           The Book of Dust and sequel,

first 2 books of The Secret Commonwealth

           His Dark Materials trilogy

                       The Golden Compass

                       2 other titles                

           THE COLLECTORS

           LYRA’S OXFORD

           THE WHITE MERCEDES

           FAIRY TALES FROM THE BROTHERS GRIMM

           I WAS A RAT!

           TWO CRAFTY CRIMINALS

           COUNT KARLSTEIN

           (I will stop here and let you find the rest. Most are available as Nook books.)

  Sharon Shinn

I discovered Sharon Shinn with JOVAH’S ANGEL, but a shortage of funds left me unable to pursue my interest (I am an economic disaster with libraries, so I buy rather than borrow) until, with a job and money to spend, I spotted THE SAFE-KEEPER’S SECRET.  It is the story of a medieval-ish world and a small village where a baby was left with a childless couple.  She is raised as their daughter and discovers, as she grows, that her mother is an important, a Safekeeper, the person to whom a secret can be told, relieving the person who told it of the weight of guilt from it, to be carried by the Safekeeper until the owner either decides to tell or dies.  (And if they die without giving permission, the Safekeeper never reveal the secret.)  The baby who is adopted by this town’s safekeeper becomes the safekeeper in her turn.

           The next book is THE TRUTHTELLER’S TALE, about a girl who acquires the gift (??) of telling the truth, whether the person she tells it to wants to hear it or not. The third book is The Dream-maker’s Magic.  The three main characters now learn why they have been brought together over the course of the two earlier books, in what I thought was a satisfying, if unusual, conclusion.

           And there’s more!  I just did the two I love best!

             THE SAFEKEEPER’S SECRET (book 1, two sequels)

           ARCHANGEL (4 books)

           TWELVE HOUSES (5 books)

           ELEMENTAL BLESSINGS (4 books)        

SHIFTING CIRCLE (2 books)

           UNCOMMON ECHOES

           GENERAL WINSTON’S DAUGHTER

           GATEWAY

 Daniel Jose Older

 I was a Daniel Jose Older fan before I was sent DACTYL HILL SQUAD for a blurb (preodactyls in flight!  Of all sizes!  Confederate spies!  Thuggish bigot northerners!  The backlash of Gettysburg and the forced recruitment of blacks for the war effort! And strong, smart, fierce kids of various ages, sizes, colors, national heritage, and skills doing their best to help the war against the slaves, keep escaped slaves safe, duck the cruel managers of the homes and jails where they are being kept, find a half-decent meal, free other kids in trouble, learn who’s killing their friends, and help the dactyls!  That’s part of it, anyway!

Yeah, I loved it.  And there’s at least one new book, and once I’ve mowed though that, there are his older teen books, and his grownup mysteries, with their half-dead taxi driver who doubles as a part-time troubleshooter for the undead powers in his Bone Street Rhumba series.  {happy sigh}

  Edgar Allen Poe

Yes, some of these are reminders of why we ended up to be the readers we are and to nudge us to corrupt—I mean, “introduce”—­new readers to the glories that are our legacies.

­

THE COMPLETE TALES AND POEMS OF EDGAR ALLEN POE

           Here are the greats:

poems like “The Raven,” and “Annabelle Lee”

stories like “The Fall of the House of Usher,” “The Telltale Heart,” and  ::shudder:: “The Pit and the Pendulum” (yes, a deep pit and a swinging pendulum topped with a razor-edged blade will be featured in this story).  

My dad would read these to us on dark and stormy nights when we lived near the Pacific ocean, when the fog came rolling in, softening every sound, when there were no cars driving by and no other sounds in our house but his deep voice and the crackle of the fire in the fireplace.  We would listen, soundless, as he wove the stories and poems around us and the foghorn sounded offshore.

           That’s the power of Poe.

  N. K. Jemisin

I think I began with Jemisin’s THE HUNDRED THOUSAND KINGDOMS, soon followed by its sequel THE BROKEN KINGDOMS.  The series ended with a third book, THE KINGDOM OF THE GODS.  She presented a rich and varied world from the aspects of people of different classes, showing the growth of societies and their formation.  I have a secret passion for society-building and social interaction, and whether or not a book is difficult to read (as Jemisin’s books are in spots because she refuses to insult a reader by talking down to them) is immaterial.  I want the world and I want the characters, and with her far-reaching mind and her respect for her characters she delivers each and every time.  I have read almost everything she’s written since that first trilogy: if I’ve missed something, it’s because I was in the middle of a deadline and on the road and somehow didn’t see it.  I’ll catch up!  This is just a sample:

           For readers of all sexes and adult reading skills

 The City They Became (pub’d April 2020)

 The Inheritance Trilogy:

           The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, 2010

           2 book sequels

Novella: The Awakened Kingdom, 2014

                       Triptych: Shades in Shadow, 2015 (3 short stories) 

             The Dreamblood Duology:

           For readers of all sexes and adult reading skills

           The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, 2010

                       Two sequels

 The Broken Earth series:

         The Fifth Season (August 2015)

                       Two book sequels

And there are plenty of short stories out there.  I may even have missed a book or twelve!

For those who prefer to hear my ramble in person, a video!

[cricketnationrise]

Quarantine Reads Part 7

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6

151. The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver: one of my mom’s buddy read pick. alternating pov. accidental baby acquisition. road tripping.

152. His Majesty’s Dragon by Naomi Novik: HOW did I miss that Naomi Novik had a whole dragon series??? HOWMST??? these are seriously right up my alley: dragons can talk and are partners with their riders, some dragons only let LADIES ride them (!!!), alternate history. plus there’s like 9 OF THEM??? amaze.

153. A Conspiracy of Kings by Megan Whalen Turner: book 4 in the queen’s thief series (now complete!). political intrigue, gods are real and semi-present in people’s lives, greekish adjacent.

154. Heartstopper: Volume Two by Alice Oseman: yes i had already read these panels online, but my print copy came in so obviously it was time to reread (it’s going to be a tv show!) (also its still updating!)

155. The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America’s Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson: meticulously researched, interwoven personal stories, the book is HEFTY but reads pretty quick

156. The Architect’s Apprentice by Elif Shafak: really cool story set in the height of the ottoman empire, follows Jahan, the elephant keeper, and how he came to be there and him growing up

157. Longbourn by Jo Baker: a retelling of pride and prejudice from the servants’ point of view, content warning: wickham preying on like a 12 year old, witnessing a whipping, descriptions of starvation, being a soldier in the napoleonic war

158. People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks: a ridiculously old Hebrew manuscript thought to be lost is found in Sarajevo, a conservator goes to examine it and finds several clues to the provenance of the text, follows the clues through history and flashes back to the present as the conservator tries to follow up on the clues, based on the true story of the Sarajevo Haggadah; content warning: murder, Holocaust, giving birth, the Inquisition

159. Goalie Interference by Avon Gale: hockey m/m romance between a set of tandem goalies on a fictional professional hockey team, lots o sex

160. What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli: coming of age story set in nyc the summer before college, trying to figure out who you are, missing connections, some bad communication that gives way to good communication

161. Trade Deadline by Avon Gale: a hockey player gets traded after many seasons on the same team to his hometown team that is struggling to bring in fans, he reconnects with a childhood friend (and first kiss) who helps run the local aquarium, cuteness ensues, romance (so there’s sex)

162. The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead: two slaves manage to escape Georgia on the Underground Railroad, which, in this imagining is a series of safe houses and actual trains, follows their lives after that; content warning: violence, whipping, hunting people with dogs, severe illness, murder, racism

163. Small Gods by Terry Pratchett: 13th in the discworld series, this one explores the makings of a religion and how gods that have fallen out of favor can get a resurgence, very funny, highly ridiculous

164. Are You Listening? by Tillie Walden: graphic novel, Bea is on the run, runs into Lou, they find a cat, strange and dangerous stuff starts happening to them, magical realism, towns appearing and disappearing, haunted by a group of threatening men? creatures? unclear

165. The Left-Handed Booksellers of London by Garth Nix: a fun fantasy novel, old gods still exist, demons exist, a special family of booksellers are the main ones in london trying to stop them from wreaking havoc on the mundane population, a girl discovers her father is not what her mom told her

166. Bloom by Kevin Panetta: graphic novel, ya m/m getting together and falling in love, a boy is helping out in his parents’ bakery reluctantly when he is given permission to hang a help wanted flyer and meets the boy who becomes one of his best friends and maybe more

167. The Deal of a Lifetime by Fredrik Backman: short story, follows a father and son’s relationship

168. The Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore: non-fiction, follows the author of the original wonder woman comics and his life, he seems like an ass to me though

169. Alif the Unseen by G. Willow Wilson: a hacker and his network is targeted after sleeping with/romancing the fiance of the government official tasked with rooting out those people trying to avoid the regime, alif is forced to go on the run with the literal girl next door and manages to accidentally stumble into the world of the djinn; content warning: imprisonment, torture, starvation, riots, murder

170. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig: in the space between life and death, there is a library, full of every what if you can think of and many more that you didn’t, follows the protagonist as she explores her own life many times if she had made different decisions along the way

171. A Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers: a crew that punches wormholes through space to make travel easier is given a huge contract that would set them up financially, but will take a massively long time to get to, and when they do, all is not as it seems, changing POV throughout the crew of a couple humans, a few differing alien species, and an AI as they go to do this job,

172. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows: epistolary novel set just after WW2, juliet ashton is a writer who receives a letter from Guernsey Island in the English Channel and they spark a friendship, after learning more about his experience during the war and his relationship with books, she starts corresponding with others from the island and eventually goes there herself. this is my actual favorite book. the love story is super sweet plus the friendships are A++++

173. Unshelved by Bill Barnes: comic strip collection set in a local library, follow the librarians as they battle loud teenagers, preteens who don’t want to read, and people who think the library is for anything but finding books to read

174. Ms. Marvel, Vol 1: No Normal by G. Willow Wilson: Ms. Marvel origin story, follows a teenager in Jersey City as she accidentally and suddenly acquires superpowers while trying to still make her curfew and not disappoint her parents and get good grades

175. Feast of Famine by Naomi Novik: short story set in the Temeraire series, won’t make sense unless you’re familiar with the worldbuilding

[starberry-cupcake]

LGBTQ+ Online Short Literature Recs

I spent June reading short stories, poetry and essays by and about lgbtq+ identities offered online for free, and I wanted to share for those interested. 

My sources include several masterlists by the incredible @coolcurrybooks​ (who you must follow if you aren’t already), Electric Literature and Puntos Suspensivos. I will link all specific posts, masterlists and further sources for extra reads but first, I’ll list my personal favorites among the many all of them recommended. 

The stories will be linked and have a short description, further details (such as genre, specific elements, types of relationships, etc.) and content warnings for each work in which they apply. 

Enjoy! 

Stories in English

1. Seasons of Glass and Iron by Amal El-Mohtar

A maiden is cursed with seven pairs of iron shoes she needs to walk free of. A princess is cursed to wait atop a glass hill for her eventual prince. Unexpectedly, their paths cross, they meet and the fairy tale doesn’t go as the rules would want them to.

Details: fairy tale, fantasy, romance, main wlw couple. CW: mention of domestic abuse, animal curses, descriptions of wounds.

2. Graveyard Girls on Paper Phoenix Wings by Andrea Tang

The keeper of a graveyard who lives surrounded by the companionable ghosts of the women buried there uses her magic to save a mysterious stranger fallen from the sky.

Details: fantasy, romance, trans woman lead, lesbian side character. CW: minor character death in flashbacks, non permanent death for lead characters, transphobia mentioned in flashbacks.

3.  Avi Cantor Has Six Months to Live by Sacha Lamb

Avi Cantor finds the title of this story written in a mirror of his high school. He hasn’t told anyone yet that his name, his true name, is Avi. When a boy who has never spoken to him before begs for him to listen, things begin to change.

Details: high school setting, urban fantasy, magic, witches, demons, spells and curses, romance, trans boy characters, mlm couple. CW: multiple conversations about suicide and death (but no suicide or death happens), instances of misgendering. 

4.  Nkásht íí by Darcie Little Badger

Josie and Annie set to investigate a strange death that may involve more than they expected. Sometimes the love that heals isn’t romantic and bonds that are strong are those chosen.

Details: urban fantasy, folklore, suspense, aromantic lead character, main platonic relationship between female characters. CW: minor characters deaths, accidents, the death of a child is mentioned, domestic abuse in flashbacks.

5.  Flor by Natalia Borges Polesso (original in Portuguese by the title Flor, flores, ferro retorcido compiled in the book Amora)

A little girl overhears her family calling her neighbor a word she doesn’t understand. She grasps the negativity, the conflicting messages, but doesn’t get what is wrong about the neighbor and takes it upon herself to understand.

Details: contemporary fiction, lesbian characters (not a couple, different ages), coming of age. CW: homophobia, minor violence.

6.  Between Dragons and Their Wrath by An Owomoyela and Rachel Swirsky

Dragons destroy in more ways than one would expect. Domei has lost memories, has lost a life, but is finding a sense of self amid the destruction.

Details: fantasy, adventure, non binary lead. CW: minor character death, violence, mention of the death of children, mention of operations on children. 

7.  Suradanna and the Sea by Rebecca Fraimow

In her first venture by sea, Suradanna finds herself shipwrecked and survives through water of a source she deems safe. The captain of the rescuing vessel promptly informs her that, because of it, she is now immortal, and the Captain herself also is.

Details: fantasy, pirates, adventure, wlw main couple, slow burn romance. CW: minor character death mentioned, panic attacks, naviphobia.

8.  Little Boy by Marina Perezagua (originally in Spanish by the same name, compiled in the book Leche)

Upon meeting a woman she calls H., the narrator embarks on the intense history that was etched on her before and after the bombing of Hiroshima, the things the bomb took away and the things that it created.

Details: contemporary fiction, World War II flashbacks, drama, trans woman lead character (not the narrator). CW: violence and descriptions of death and radiation, talks about death of children, mutilation due to bombing, infertility discussions. 

9.  The Gentleman of Chaos by A. Merc Rustad

A King imprisons a sibling with the intention of creating a guardian that would save him from the unfathomable Gentleman of Chaos. He thinks he knows who the sibling is, trapping an identity and a body, but doesn’t know that sometimes the truth liberates even in chains.

Details: fantasy, adventure, suspense, knights and royalty, magic, trans man lead character, mlm relationship.  CW: family abuse, violence, minor character deaths, obliged pregnancy.

10. The Book of How to Live by Rose Lemberg

Efronia is a simple whose incredible inventions are overlooked by the fact that she was born without magic. Zilpit-nai-Rinah is part of a society in which she isn’t valued because she was born without magic. In this novelette from the author’s Birdverse, the two meet and their paths change.

Details: fantasy, steampunk, gray-romantic asexual character, homo-romantic character in a past polyamorous relationship with other women, slow burn relationship between women. CW: instances of classism and racism depicted, political persecution mentioned. Notes: The story can be read as a stand-alone but it has a lot of world-building and details that occur elsewhere in this universe, which may render the ending as a cliff-hanger of sorts. Still, I liked the characters and dynamics too much to leave it out.

11. Sun, Moon, Dust by Ursula Vernon

A young man inherits a sword with tree spirits that should help him learn to be a warrior, but the he just wants to be a farmer. And one of the spirits might want that as well.

Details: fantasy, domestic adventure (is that a genre? it should be), mlm couple, slow burn hint towards romance. CW: minor character death mention.

12. Kin, Painted by Penny Stirling

The narrator can’t find a place in a family that seems so determined, so certain, painted each in a specific way. A poetic prose filled with magic and the colors that we paint ourselves with, which can sometimes change with time.

Details: poetic prose, fantasy, aromantic lead character, trans male character, non binary characters. 

13. Seventh Day of the Seventh Moon by Ken Liu 

Girlfriends Yuan and Jing have to say goodbye the day of the Zhinu Goddess festival but, as they prepare to separate, they meet the gods who had to do so as well, many moons before.

Details: fantasy, folklore, romance, separation, wlw main couple, bittersweet ending.

14. Alta’s Place by Morgan Thomas 

Cory meets Alta in a dry cleaners and is intent to know her, learn her story and become a part of her life. Still, there are many things about Alta’s life Cory doesn’t even begin to understand, and maybe never will.

Details: contemporary fiction, lesbian characters, wlw relationships (not between the leads).  CW: depictions of homophobia, political persecution, discrimination and racism, chronic illness of a minor character. 

En Español

1.  El viento no es enemigo de Gaita Nihil (pág. 30)

Poesía sobre identidad, cuerpo y la enemistad. 

Detalles: poesía, narrador trans.

2.  Zazen de Salomé Wochocolowsky

Una mujer intenta participar de un retiro de meditación pero encuentra que su paz proviene de otro lado.

Detalles: ficción contemporánea, protagonista lesbiana, relación wlw.

3. Gillette de Rocío Zuviría

Una chica espera el colectivo y conoce a alguien que la impulsa a reacciones inesperadas. 

Detalles: ficción contemporánea, lo extraño, personaje no binarie con pronombres femeninos. 

4. La amiga del Báltico de Lea Marie Uría 

El fluir de conciencia de una narradora que describe su identidad en viaje.

Detalles: relato ensayístico, fluir de conciencia, narradora trans, relación wlw.  CW: transfobia, violencia verbal. 

5.  Relatos contrainmunológicos 7 de Duen Sacchi

Ensayo sobre las identidades, el racismo en tiempos de pandemia y la importancia de la comunidad.

Detalles: Ensayo, narrador trans, mención de otras identidades trans. CW: descripciones de racismo y discusiones políticas de género.

6.  Un@ huésped in/esperad@ de Vir Cano (pág. 65)

Enriqueta escucha música proveniente del departamento contiguo e imagina a su acompañante y el misterio que encarna.

Detalles: ficción contemporánea, prosa poética, personaje de género fluido o indeterminado por quien narra.

7. Santa Trava de Michelle Lacroix (pág. 23)

Ensayo poético sobre la santidad autoproclamada por la identidad. 

Detalles: prosa poética, ensayo, narradora trans.  CW: mención de transfobia y violencia. 

8.  El beso de Susy Shock

Poesía sobre el poder empoderador, desestabilizador y de rebelión de distintos besos. 

Detalles: poesía, narradora trans. CW: menciones de asesinatos y violencia de género. 

9. La Wally posible de Morena García (pág. 79)

Ensayo poético sobre la construcción de sí y el reclamo de la identidad.

Detalles: prosa poética contemporánea, narradora trans. CW: transfobia, violencia.

10. Wachumx de Andrés Nocte 

Prosa poética de transformación y configuración del ser, cuestionado el género incluso del cactus de los Andes. 

Detalles: prosa poética, folklore, género fluido. 

Sources and further links

Masterposts, anthologies and articles consulted: 

From @coolcurrybooks : one, two, three, four

From Electric Literature: here 

De Puntos Suspensivos: Queerentena & Cuirentena 

Some sites with further stories included here: 

Tor

Beneath Ceasless Skies

GlitterShip

ClarkesWorld

Uncanny Magazine

Apex Magazine

The Fantasist

Strange Horizons

[icaruscreates]

Should I be writing?

Yes.

Am I?

*scoots ipad under couch* More or less.

I just wanted to share my recent ocs since I had finally finished their refs! A rare thing to say, I know lol Click the read more to hear a little about them and maybe the project they're in!

Oh hey you clicked the read more! >w<

This is Amaya and Nefits, two newer redesigns of very old fan ocs I made for a Yugioh AU that will not leave my brain even after all these years lol Neftis here is the younger sister of Yami while Amaya is Yugi's slightly older and slightly taller cousin. (A fact she quite literally likes to hold over him)

Random Notes -

Both girls are Mediums but Neftis once was an Oracle and see into the future, abilities that have been lost to her right now.

Amaya ace and is precious cinnamon roll that will kick your arse

Neftis is a hopeless romantic. Looks scary but gives best hugs

Neftis is banned from markers, pens, basically all inks, oil paint, mallows when she's alone, and pomegranates.

While Amaya is more Neutral Good Neftis is absolutely Chaotic Neutral. Do not leave Neftis alone to her own devices unless she has things to keep her occupied lol

Many harmless details have been left out from her Sight just to have a good laugh later. Mostly at her brother's expense xD

Does not have a Millenium Item anymore. Once was the keeper of the Necklace.

Their amulet is gold with lapis lazuli and an ankh.

Neftis' hair originally was similar to Yami's but after being deathly ill as a toddler, her hair turned the bluish-white it is now. Amaya was born with the bluish-white hair color.

Her green ribbon is a reference to rebirth, a new chance, etc as the color green will hold that meaning.

Amaya's birthday is the Tanabata!

The project their in is called Second Chance. An AU I've been sitting on for a looooong time but never fully worked on for reasons back then. Long story short the AU is an elaborate "what if" tale of what if the Pharaoh got a proper chance to live a life of his choosing? And the misadventures that would ensue with his sister and their friends.

Will I share it online? Maybe. We'll see. The AU is more of a means to keep my anxiety and stress down but as I work on it, I'll consider sharing more. Art will absolutely be shared so keep an eye out for more of these two and their friends!

[coreymichaelsmithson]

The Lights of Treasure Island

For the past few years, I've been living on a barrier island named Anastasia. A sandy, sleepy, slow place, just off the coast of our nation's oldest city, Anastasia Island features tall palm trees and gorgeous beaches, along with excellent sushi and a surprisingly active arts scene. Its most splendid attraction, though, is an old lighthouse, one striped with a black and white spiral and crowned by a bright red lamphouse. It towers commandingly over the dunes, casting a long beam that can be seen from nearly anywhere in town.

I've always liked lighthouses. In days of old we set these magnificent lanterns on the edge of the sea, to guide sailors through dark and treacherous waters, to show them the way home. Lighthouses represent so many things we need: safety, comfort, reliability, navigation. But in my mind, these structures hold the magic of candles, the magic of illumination itself. When we speak of enlightenment, we may be speaking specifically of rationality and discovery, but we are also conjuring images of light prevailing over darkness. And in this way the lighthouse emerges as a powerful symbol of the spirit.  

This February, for my 47th birthday, I explored the Outer Banks of North Carolina, where I saw several amazing lighthouses. Impressive as they were, I did not think they quite compared with the singular majesty of the structure that stands on Anastasia Island. After a harrowing return journey, one in which I drove with no working alternator (and sometimes without headlights or windshield wipers) through nearly 700 miles of tornadic thunderstorms, I felt the most profound relief when I finally crested the peak of the SR-312 bridge, which connects my island to the mainland, and I saw those familiar black and white stripes in the distance, signaling that I had made it home. Less than half a year later, my feelings about this special lighthouse of mine would be forever changed by a chance encounter.

Just under two months ago, I received a brief and rather unremarkable message from a stranger on Scruff, a queer dating platform that I use. One might charitably call Scruff "a social club for discerning gentlemen" ... it appeals to men who are hirsute, meaty, perpetually horny, and even a few of us freaks who defiantly straddle the line between "butch" and "nancy". Since this man's profile didn't really offer all that much information, and his one available picture wasn't particularly compelling, I promptly tucked his message away and forgot about it, and went for my customary sunset walk on the beach.

I live exactly one mile from the southern boundary of a state park, which offers a four-mile stretch of pristine dune habitat, completely undeveloped and sparsely occupied. The only man-made objects in sight are a few empty lifeguard stands, the city's sightseeing pier, a radio antennae, and our lighthouse. Dolphins gather here, their dorsal fins rising and falling between the breakers. Squadrons of pelicans fly in tight formations, gliding only a few feet above the water's surface. Terns and sea turtles nest in its sands, and I've found many shark teeth among the sea shells and ghost crab burrows. This is a special place, a holy place, and I've made a daily ritual of enjoying its cloudscapes and crepuscular glow as I explore the edge between land and sea.

After a pleasant stroll, maybe an hour or so of blissful meditation, I turned around and started heading back towards my car when I caught sight of a man who had just walked out of the water and was now drying himself off. We locked eyes.

He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Arrestingly beautiful, the kind of handsome that stops you dead in your tracks. I just kind of gulped for a second, and then walked right up to him, with an audacity that I didn't even know I possessed, turned on every damn bulb in my Christmas tree, and murmured, "Hi!", making the word shimmer like tinsel. In a short amount of time, I learned that he was a Russian artist, born in St. Petersburg but living in Moscow. I had met him during a brief pause on his long drive from Jacksonville to Key West; he had only intended on stopping in St. Augustine long enough to explore our old Spanish fort and take a swim on our nicest beach. He possessed a keen intellect, a quick wit, and a laudable command of English. As we spoke, he kept giving me flashes of the most mischievous smile, and so when I finally asked him what he was grinning about, he revealed that he was the same man who had messaged me earlier. This came as a surprise, for I hadn't recognized him at all ... I had only been drawn in now by his gorgeous movie-star looks, the undeniable sex appeal of his dripping wet body, and some weird sense of destiny.

We talked. We talked some more. We went to dinner. And then he stayed for the better part of three days.

In my bed, we enjoyed the most astonishing kind of communion. Our nights and mornings were filled with such tenderness ... soft eyes, soft caresses, fearlessly sustained gazes, the kind of kisses that tell a hundred little stories. One by one, various secrets were brought to light. We shared toe-curling carnality, thunderous climaxes, an unalloyed and unembarrassed intimacy. We shared joy.

On our second day together, I took him to the top of Anastasia Island's lighthouse. We lingered on each landing to kiss and giggle, and our embraces grew more intense. We felt a stronger and stronger pull towards one another. I knew that this was more than just a simple infatuation. By the time we reached the lantern's round balcony, and stepped out together onto the most spectacular view of St. Augustine, I knew that I was falling in love.

I don't blame you for rolling your eyes at this. You may, in your justifiable cynicism, think it ridiculous for a man to utter such a powerful phrase within such a short time. But if you've ever known me, you've come to recognize by now my considerable capacity for love. My passions and appetites may rise to the surface with little interference, and will I admit some recklessness in how I've invested my energies, but I am no fool. I am neither naïve nor desperate. And I can say in all sincerity that what we felt then was, at least for a short while, genuine love.

From the top of the lighthouse we could see everything. The old downtown, with its mixture of colonial and Spanish Renaissance buildings. The Matanzas River, named for the 1565 massacre of shipwrecked Huguenots, separating my island from the mainland. The harbor of St. Augustine, crowded with sailboats and pleasure craft, a forest of masts. And then the sea, blue and inviting, the sea that would soon separate us. We held each other tightly and looked upon the Atlantic together, casting our dreams towards the horizon, into this vista of seemingly endless possibility and hope.

On our last night together, we took a naked midnight swim in my pool, which is lit from above by a row of blue lights. A light and warm rain fell on our heads as we twined our legs underwater, and our ardor cast a web of rippling refractive patterns on the pool's concrete bottom. He looked me in the eyes, kissed me with the utmost gentleness, and formally invited me to come stay with him in Moscow. I accepted with my new magic word, "Да."

The following morning, our parting was so sweet, and so warm. We solidified our promise to be reunited. He drove down to Key West, enjoying a music playlist I assembled for him, and then he flew up to New York for a week's visit with old friends. After he returned to Moscow, we embarked on a passionate long-distance affair via telephone and social media apps.

I plunged right away into the Russian language, practicing for hours a day, rediscovering my knack for linguistics. I bought books on the cities of Moscow and St. Petersburg, books on Russian verbs, flashcards, a portable dictionary. I subscribed to online learning programs, put apps on my phone, read up on the country's history. I was all in, bringing every available bit of my enthusiasm, work ethic, and inventiveness to the challenge. Every day, I would send him sweet little videos or text messages ... sharing good news, conveying small but significant events of my daily life, showing off my rapidly accelerating grasp of Russian. I sent him notes of encouragement, pictures of me looking my cutest, small but enjoyable details of my life on Anastasia Island. I sent him a short clip of the black skimmers that sliced back and forth across the thin swash of the surf, their beaks dipping into half an inch of water. I sent him pelicans, beach crabs, waves, paintings, difficult words, idioms, cute terms of venery, sunsets, clouds, kisses, evidence of my changing body. I sent him love, every day. "каждый день," I promised him, placing my hand on my heart, "каждый день." Every day.

My love deepened by the hour. I know this is going to sound so gushy and gross, but I really pushed the lighthouse metaphor pretty hard, calling myself "твой смотритель маяка" or "your lighthouse keeper". I meant this in all sincerity, without a drop of bathos or schmaltz. Our time atop the lighthouse was sacred to me. I promised him that I would keep its light burning bright.

Over time, however, things shifted. As my interest grew, his began to dwindle. He sent less and less of himself, slowly removing from our conversation his humor, his sexuality, his warmth, his trust. It was like seeing a fully assembled jigsaw puzzle get lifted into the air, and watching all the pieces falling out ... at first only a few at a time, then more and more, until there was only a jagged perimeter where there had once been a lovely picture.

The nadir came when he lost his temper with me over my visa. I was confused about the process, as the Russian consulate and other sources were providing patchy and often conflicting information, and his own explanations changed from day to day. During our last video chat, I asked one too many questions, and he snapped. He rolled his eyes, effectively called me stupid and childish, and hung up on me three times. My many attempts at reconciliation were completely rebuffed. It was both baffling and extraordinarily painful.

Two days after our fight he was in a terrible car accident, one from which he miraculously escaped unharmed. He posted on social media an impassioned paragraph about the event, and how it drew into sharp focus all the love he had in his life, how he felt that he wasn't deserving of such love, how grateful he was for his friends. Yet instead of contacting me, inviting me into this experience, or trying to repair our frayed connection, he spent his evenings logging back into Scruff, the aforementioned dating app. He continued to ignore me, choosing instead to pursue (or perhaps refresh) other opportunities. I tried in vain to reach him, to restore our bond, but was met with only the most chilling silence.

How had I been so wrong? Had my desire devolved into mere obsession, albeit one artfully disguised as love? Had my zeal somehow suffocated him? The irony for me was that this disastrous affair unfolded during a period of rapid and positive transformation. In the space of the last seven months, I'd already changed my diet, fixed my teeth, joined a gym, paid off a chunk of my debt, reorganized my home office, purchased a standing desk, resumed my daily beach walks, started seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist. My relationship to my body was improving, I was working at a higher level of professional responsibility, gaining new clients, writing my fourth novel, and churning out the finest paintings of my career. A recent experience with ayahuasca had given me valuable insights into my adulthood. It seemed only right that this Russian should be the cherry on my sundae, a prize I had been working so hard to deserve.

And so, after admitting my own disenchantment, I surrendered. Reeling from an overwhelming feeling of loss, I wrote him a heartfelt letter in Russian, one in which I explained the hurt his indifference was causing me. I poured a lot of benevolent energy into this letter. And then I said to him the saddest word I've learned in Russian, "Прощай", which is the type of goodbye you use when you think you are not likely to see someone again. It translates, literally, into "forgive me."

Here is the letter I wrote to him, translated into English:

***

"V_____, beautiful V____:

Okay. I give up.

Your silence gave me a very clear and very painful answer. You have been entrusted with something rare and beautiful, and you have shown that you do not want it. So now it's gone.

I'm sorry my heart bored you so much. I will no longer annoy you with my desires.

The love that I offered you ... pure and strong, given without demands or jealous limitations ... does not come often.

It pains me to realize that you do not appreciate what I have tried to give you. It is even more painful to realize that I may have aggravated the situation with my zeal. But the distance that you put between us is your choice, and I must respect that.

It seems that the epiphany you experienced in the car accident, the moment you thought of all the love in your life, did not include my love for you. Your priorities are yours, and I accept that. But you almost died yesterday, V_____. And instead of choosing to bond with a man who cares about you so much, your focus shifted to Scruff. Your indifference is so obvious now. Please do not say anything ugly or cruel in response. There is already enough sorrow on my island. I feel both grief and embarrassment, but not anger. I've always wanted the best for you, and it's still true.

I sincerely wish you a long and happy journey. I hope you enjoy many successes and find many pleasures. I hope you stay healthy. I hope the man you choose deserves your best gifts. I hope you find a better lighthouse. I must direct my light now to those who are really looking for it. So now I must tell you the saddest word that I have learned in your language.

Goodbye."

***

Please allow me now to rewind a few years, and tell a correlative story.

In the autumn of 2019, during a period of intense sadness and frustration, I fled from Anastasia Island and drove impulsively across the state to the Gulf Coast. I didn't have a clear destination, I didn't pack enough clothes or supplies, and I was so blinded with tears and unexpressed rage that I didn't know where I was, or even care much about where I might land. While getting lost somewhere in the vicinity of St. Petersburg, I glanced at a map, dragged my finger along the squiggly coastline, saw the name Treasure Island, and thought, "That's gotta be the place."

I don't know what I was expecting to find there. Something about the name sounded so exciting, so exotic. And as the evening wore on, my anticipation grew. I thought, in my desperation, that everything would be all right once I got to Treasure Island. Over the next few hours, I convinced myself that I'd finally feel good again in such a place, that my pain and confusion would certainly evaporate once I reached this safe haven. I'd check into a nice hotel room, preferably one with 300 thread-count sheets and a coffee maker, and I'd dream about pirate ships and gold doubloons, and when I opened my eyes and yawned and stretched against the sun-dappled pillows my life would basically feel like a commercial for some bougie brand of almond milk. When I arrived, however, I was deeply disappointed to see another narrow stretch of high-rise hotels, littered beaches, rank seaweed, and greyish-brown water. I found the cheapest hotel room around, one of the few remaining vacancies on the shore, and there I found neither crisp bedsheets nor good coffee. The view from my balcony, however, was utterly amazing: I could see not only a broad curving swath of the beach, but also a glow of distant resort hotels, some of them reflected in the waves. It was strangely romantic, seeing these twinkling lights ... red, gold, green, blue ... and their silent conversation with the stars, a dialogue of jewels above the warm churning waters of the Gulf. But it wasn't the salvation I had been hoping for.

When I got up the next morning, I was still facing the same problems, the same irritations, the same heavy sorrows. Treasure Island would not, could not, rescue me from myself. So I drove back home to my own island, back to my lighthouse, and was relieved to discover that it was in fact even more stirring than I had remembered. During my absence Anastasia Island had become a magical and restorative place, quite different than the one I had left only days before.

What I should have learned back then, but have only come to realize now, was this: I didn't need to travel to a distant island of treasure and twinkling stars, for my own island already had plenty of both. I didn't need to seek the incandescence of a handsome man to light my way, as my own inner flame was at last beginning to shine without the shutters of inhibition or profligacy.

I am now recalling my disappointment with Treasure Island, while concurrently considering my grief over the Russian. At first, I wanted to hate him for his carelessness, for how he squandered my gifts. But I don't hate him. Not really. There's no need to wring my hands any further over his callousness. I don't even mourn his absence anymore. My mood has shifted today, and I no longer choose to see this abortive liaison as being so devastating. For I know, deep down, that the failure here was not really mine. I am not a loser for investing myself unreservedly in someone who could not fully appreciate me, nor I am not the weaker man for feeling injured. I will not be permanently depleted for having offered all that kindness to an undeserving recipient, as my wellspring of love remains inexhaustible.

I tried to share my lighthouse with the Russian. But he did not recognize how special it really was, and he declined to follow its beacon to a rewarding harbor. And thus, our romance was destroyed, and his memory became just another broken boat littering the shallows.

I have seen so many ruins in my years: bad relationships, lousy jobs, soured opportunities. My life story reads like a ledger of dashed hopes. It seems sometimes that both the island I occupy and the more elusive island I am eternally seeking are surrounded by shipwrecks. Yet the lighthouse of my spirit still stands, sturdier and stronger than ever. The waves may batter its bricks, salt may scour its surfaces, it may occasionally groan under its own weight ... but it will not crumble, it will not fail, and even in the darkest of hours this lamp of mine will continue to shine: bright, focused, undiminished.

[phati-sari]

Whamen, you are so arrogant and rude. Honestly, whenever i check this blog you are being sarcastic and rude with people. I have been trying but controlling to say this to you from so many months but now i am finally done with you. I know you have it very tough in life but we dont have it easy either. Just because you write good we dont deserve your abuse on our mental health. Goodbye

Awwwww why in the hells were you following me for months if you found me arrogant and rude? I read through my responses. Setting boundaries is not arrogant and rude. It's not -abuse- just because I didn't answer a question to your satisfaction.

I'm not sure which response prompted you to finally send me a message but if it was the Anjali one then let's be fair. The person asking already knew their opinion and only wanted me to agree. The way the question was phrased put all the burden of proof on me. If I didn't agree, it was up to me to provide quotes, screen-caps and analysis to prove my point. And I'm not about that life, I've never set myself up as a gate keeper into the fandom and I'm not about to start now.

I honestly think you're reading sarcasm and rudeness into responses that are simply (from my point of view) short and succinct. In any case, I am not obligated to be forever nice to people.

And let's get one thing straight. Publishing my stories online didn't automatically make me some kind of public property that people can judge and anonymously send whatever they feel like to while I remain polite and nice. I'm sorry you started following me because -I write good- and expected something other than what this blog is. It's not and never has been a free for all. It's about my thoughts and views.

Thank you for reading the stories. Bye!

[peanutparade]

Someone asked me what my process was, and I’m not sure I gave her a satisfying answer in the PM, so here I will attempt to explain how I make a game from start to finish.

*Please note the the drafts above are not for the same story, but for the purpose of illustration.

**Also please take this advice with a grain of salt. I’m not a published author (though I do know a bit about the publishing industry), and I’m definitely not a perfect writer. This is my process, and the things I try to keep in mind when I’m writing, and you may find this advice to be complete garbage.

Step one: Get an idea for a story. I can’t really give any tips on how to go about doing this. I tend to take inspiration from other works of media (classical literature is my favorite, though I have taken cues from more contemporary sources as well).

Step two: Consider who your characters are going to be. It’s okay if you only have one or two characters in mind at first. I’m pretty utilitarian about my characters, so most of them don’t get created until step three.

Step three: Open a word document and just start typing shit out. (I use Google Drive so I can access it from anywhere, and for another reason which I’ll get to later.) Don’t stop to think, don’t even breathe. Just type. Any idea that comes into your head goes in the document. Some of it won’t make sense with everything else, some of it will contradict other things, some of it will be vaguely defined. You will fix that later. This is the most important part (especially the way I write), because it’s where you’re going to get an idea of how your story starts and how it ends, as well as cement your cast of characters. If you need a scene where your main character goes to a lighthouse, then you know you’ll also need to come up with a lighthouse keeper (see my comment above about being utilitarian with characters. I’m no authority, so if you do things differently, that’s fine, but I don’t like making characters that don’t serve a purpose).

Step four: Annotation, annotation, annotation! (This is the other thing I use Google Drive for, as it has a comment feature that I heavily rely on.) Go through all your scribbling and make notes for yourself. Be a little hard on yourself here, because this is the part where you’re going to try to make everything you’ve written in Draft 1 cohesive. This will be a long process, as you need to think about how all of this is connected, as well as think about what sort of arcs your main characters are going to go through. I read somewhere once that ALL of your characters have to go through an arc, but that’s a bunch of wacky nonsense. Some characters are minor characters, and thus do not require depth. The only character arc that MUST be included is the main character’s arc. Remember: character arc ≠ character motivation. ALL major characters (protagonist(s), love interest(s), villain(s)) MUST have motivation for what they are doing. The motivation doesn’t have to be anything too complex, just so long as the audience understands why the characters are doing what they’re doing. (Minor characters with motivation can make the world feel more real and lived in, but they can also make the story feel bogged down. Brevity is key here, and sometimes less is more.)

Step five: Draft 2 All of that plotting you just did? Throw it away! Just kidding, don’t actually throw it away. BUT you’re going to rewrite your plot outline, tidier this time, and only refer back to Draft 1 when you get stuck. Feel free to come up with new ideas during this time; Draft 1 is not your story’s final form. If you think of scenes or quotes, feel free to include them in this draft, but you’re mostly just outlining right now. (As you may notice in the image above, Draft 2 is also subject to annotation.) Draft 2 is where you should be solidifying the themes of your story. Character arc(s) should tie into and support this theme. This is also the draft where you should be catching any plot holes (especially if you don’t have an editor/beta reader), as once you’ve begun actually writing the story, any problems here will only compound as you go.

Step six: Write the story It’s pretty straightforward. Follow Draft 2 (and any additional annotations you made on Draft 2), and go scene by scene and write. I never skip around, as it makes it hard to keep track of what characters know at what time, but I know of authors that do skip around, and they seem to do okay. You’ll have to figure out what works best for you.

Step seven: Edit, edit, edit! Aside from the obvious (typos and spelling errors), look out for:

Scenes that are too long or too short. Counterintuitively, these may be the result of the same problem: a lack of purpose. Ask yourself, “Does this need to be here?”

Long-winded info dumps. Consider the old adage, “show, don’t tell.” Whenever information can be conveyed through action or reaction, write it that way. If you can convey two things at the same time (i.e. something about a character and also something about the world--bonus if these two things are actually unrelated to each other), do it.

Information that your audience wouldn’t logically have being the key to resolving the plot. Especially in sci-fi and fantasy stories, if the conclusion of the story relies on knowing something--even if it’s something that the characters all know--you need to make sure your audience also knows this, or else they will be frustrated. Keep in mind the Rule of Threes.

And that’s the story portion done. If you’re making a visual novel/dating sim, there are other steps you need to do. (I usually do this stuff while writing the story so it doesn’t get tedious, but if you’re hiring people to do this other stuff, you should probably have the writing done ahead of time. If you’re hiring writers to help you, you should have Draft 1 done, at the least. Your writers can probably take it from there.)

NOTE: Any job you don’t do yourself is something that will cost you money. If you can find other aspiring creators to volunteer their time to your project, good for you, but please do not approach anyone directly unless you plan to offer to pay them (”for exposure” is not payment).

Step eight: Character sprites Major characters are going to need to be represented visually in your visual novel (go figure!), so... draw some people? I know some people make character design sheets, but I just jump right in, and then later, make microedits to the sprites as the mood strikes me. The design sheet thing is probably a smarter way to do it. I use photoshop, and I would strongly encourage keeping hair, clothing, and facial features on separate layers until you know exactly how you plan to code them into your game.

Step nine: Backgrounds Same as the sprites, except places instead of people. I’m bad at this, so I have no right to give anyone advice. I use a 3D interior design app to create a guide for what I want rooms to look like, and then I use that to get my vanishing points and furniture sizing right. This method is 50% tracing, 50% wishing I was dead. I do not recommend it.

Step ten: Audio If your game will have voice acting, get that together now. If you’re composing your own music, you’re more talented than I am. For my first game, I utilized royalty free options (incompetech and bensound), but now I hire a composer (I do still supplement my soundtrack with royalty free options if it’s for something inconsequential). I don’t use many sound effects, but when I do, I just look for free options online.

Step eleven: Coding I use Ren’py because it’s free and easy to learn (provided you don’t want to do anything too complicated). There are tons of resources online to teach you how to use Ren’py, both from official sources and unofficial sources. I’ve never posted in the forums myself, but the people there seem very kind and helpful if you get stuck. (If anyone wants to see how I code, specifically, I’ll do a Part Two for it, but I have to warn you that my games are the coding equivalent car repairs done with bubblegum and duct tape.)

Step twelve: Playtesting Make sure your game works. It’s pretty straightforward. You can even recruit some guinea pigs--I mean, friends to help you. (I don’t have any friends, so I do this part on my own.)

By this point, a year or so will have passed (give or take, depending how long your game is, how much time you have to work on it, and how much of the work you plan to do by yourself), and with any luck, you’ll have a game! Posting your game on itch.io is free, but putting your game on steam will cost you $100.

Like I said to the person on patreon who originally asked me about my process, making a visual novel is a lot of work, but I encourage everyone to at least try it and see if you like it.

I look forward to hearing your stories!  ♥