#i saw another post of people taking fandom WAY too seriously and it just made me think. idk.

[sybbi]

I wonder what I would miss out on if I did like. A 1993 challenge. No social media, no streaming, no internet period (except for work). Using my phone for calls ONLY, no texting. Idk if I'd go insane with boredom or be more productive than I've ever been.

[pigeonwit]

I AM ASKING YOU ABOUT RACEVID (or RAVEY, or whatever it is the kids call it wbwbwb) !!!!

(i got one nice ask about it so i'm digging out this half-a-year old draft to talk about my personal racevid hcs that i cringe-cultured myself out of posting, take it away pidge-from-six-months-ago)

i honestly wasn't expecting this much racevid support. on my old newsies blog way back i made posts about these guys and they typically only got like. 3 notes? granted my writing wasn't as good so maybe i'm persuading people. or maybe the newsies fandom is finally waking up to the wonderful possibilities of multishipping. one of the two.

part two of the racevid analysis!! this one is less of an analysis of how they behave in the musical and more my own personal headcanons of their relationship and how it develops. part one (a very unpolished and rambley analysis of racevid in uksies) is here if anyone's curious!

right. so. it's act 2. jack publicly denounced and betrayed the strike. race leaves with davey, both in shame over being betrayed by (to race) the brother he grew up with and trusted more than anyone and (to davey) the guy he didn't even want to trust in the first place, but still put his faith in despite knowing better. the next day jack comes BACK, asking them both to trust him again. what would you do.

i'm of the firm belief that race only came back to the strike because davey agreed to come back, too. i don't think either of them necessarily FORGAVE jack in that moment - it'd only been a day and while we as the audience understand why jack (a frightened seventeen year old with little to no prospects or power) did what he did, we can also understand why it stung so deeply for them to be betrayed by someone they put so much faith in. especially davey - like i said in part 1, i believe davey has feelings for jack in every universe, and for him to not only trust, but fall in love with someone despite knowing better, only for it to come back and bite him (the way he KNEW it would but convinced himself otherwise) would be a humiliation that runs deep for him. but davey believes in doing the right thing, and as much as jack hurt him, he still trusts him to do what's right, too. that's another one of those strange mirrored-similarities race and davey have - davey loves so intensely that he still has faith in the good of a person, even when he believes that that person isn't good to him. race loves so intensely that if you burn the bridge you have with him, he will do everything he can to keep it from getting rebuilt.

i know both of them would forgive jack eventually. for davey, jack's family. you fight with family, you disagree, you throw things and scream in each other's faces, but you do that because you love each other and want what's best. so as long as jack's willing to put the work in, davey is, too, and he can still be mad at jack and not willing to forgive him yet while still loving him. i think race is a different story, though, especially JPB's race, who i think has a lot more grit, anger and seriousness to him than other race's. race has been with jack for years, they've grown together, talked together, maybe he hasn't always been perfect, but if jack was so scared, why he couldn't he just talk to him?! i personally view race as a kid who was very overlooked by his family (i saw that 'race has like 12 cousins in brooklyn' thing someone said and ran with it, so in my head he comes from a BIIIIG big catholic family) and so he takes it quite personally when people ignore him. in his head, jack not trusting him enough with his fears is saying he doesn't trust race the way race trusts him, doesn't see him as family the way race sees him like a brother. and i think race's response to this (in his own mentally ill 'i love you so much that i hate you for it' way) is to push him away. he's looking for reasons to resent jack here - and i think a big one of those reasons is davey.

for context; like i said in part one, my personal Racevid Story is that after the rally failure, race - being person who's used to the temporary nature of pleasure, and so grabs hold of any vice he can without thinking (gambling, smoking, fighting, etc) - would've impulsively kissed davey as a sort of 'please stay, i need help, please don't leave me in this mess alone' gesture. but i think davey is so used to shoving down his feelings and pretending he's fine that he would've gotten freaked out by the sudden notion that maybe race is attracted to him. he's barely got a handle on his feelings for jack, he's alone and scared and has no one to talk to, and now race is here, KISSING him, and it's all wonderful and confusing and TERRIFYING and he can't deal with it right now. so i think they would've just stopped, stared at each other, mumbled some kind of excuse and let themselves be dragged to their own responsibilities - race to the newsies, davey to his family, and neither of them having the nerve to actually understand what they want, because that would mean being vulnerable enough to want something.

i think jack coming back and davey immediately trusting him (despite knowing better) is going to make race angry for two reasons; first of all, like i said two paragraphs ago (fuck i'm rambling so much here) i think race would be looking for reasons to resent jack for what he did (again, coming from a very teenagery 'i love you so much i hate you for it' place), and second, i think it's also a source of jealousy for him. davey BARELY knew jack and still gave him everything. davey had no reason to trust any of them and he still did. davey could've thrown race away immediately, but he still made the effort to see him, so how dare jack cast that aside in favour of a daydream? (again, this isn't a jack criticism - this is just how i think race views the situation.) race (to me) is not used to people seeing him, certainly not used to people making an EFFORT to see him and take him seriously, and davey gave him all of that without him even needing to ask for it - and now race has messed that up and davey isn't talking to him, which he probably deserves, but jack messed up too!! why does JACK get to keep being seen? doesn't race deserve it, too? (again, i really think race's family overlooked him a lot and that's why he tries so hard to be such a commanding presence and keep peoples attention, because it hurts so much when other people are allowed attention so freely and he isn't.)

i don't buy in to davey being a mom-friend who wants to solve all his friends problems for them. i did shit like that when i was younger, and honestly i still do, and i just don't think that after the strike and all that he learned about himself, davey would fall into assuming that the only value he has is to fix things for everyone else (i mean, i do still think davey would have some issues to work out after the strike, hence 'run boy run', but not this specific issue). but i do think davey is very protective over the people he loves, and i think this rift between jack and race is affecting him, too. i think maybe the topic of jack comes up, and he tries getting race to talk more about it. when race refuses to talk, davey - finally - brings up the kiss.

this is entering fanfiction territory so im not gonna try to write out dialogue here or anything. i think itd be another example of them fumbling for a way to reach one another. neither one is used to speaking the others language, so to speak. i think race would feel especially humiliated given the turbulent situation, and i think davey would be struggling so much to find the 'right' words that he'd become defensive and panicky. and i think that would all bubble up into davey just blurting out something of the lines of 'i trust you'. and i think that'd be the thing that connects for them. not just being liked, but being seen for all their flaws and difficulties and being trusted anyways. i think that'd be the trigger for davey bullying race into finally talking to jack about what happened, race coming back to the strike, and the two of them entering a slow, tentative relationship that, as their dynamic in the show does, grows much steadier with time.

[crisiscutie]

People just don't get that redemption isn't for everyone

Yes people can do it but sometimes it's best to say it's irredeemable

Sephiroth has been through so many tragedies to the point,it feels like redemption is one big joke to him,cuz he already reached the point of no return

Personally I feel like the trope of "everything is forgivable" is overused or overlooked way too often,there are things in the world that can't forgive and sometimes punishment is better than forgiveness

In Sephiroth's case, I don't think forgiveness will change anything,rather it's impossible,no one who knows him is willing to forgive him,hence some may say he has no faults at all like Hojo cuz that guy is messed up AF

Take it like this: If a guy who commits an unforgivable crime and someone says he should be forgiven based only on the fact that he was abused or insane or he went through some traumatic shit etc,it would not only feel ridiculous, it's outright selfish

Should Sephiroth be forgiven for the Nibelheim Incident just bcuz it was a crime of passion or he was mentally unstable and should get off free of guilt? No,cuz he did something terrible to others and that should be accepted

I've seen too many cases of normalisation or glorification or defence of characters' faults and apparently "you're a bitch for pointing out others' faults" these days and "it's not nice to have criticisms"

I saw some deep toxic shit about normalised toxicity in fiction lately

I mean I love Seph,but god I'm heavily aware he's evil as hell

-🌹

Yup. Sephiroth's path is set in his mind. For what reason would he deviate from his path? He decided to continue the cycle of pain. And Cloud could've continued that cycle after him if it wasn't for Tifa.

I want to state this: I'm against Sephiroth being redeemed. One reason is that no character ever deserves redemption. Redemption is a complex, grueling process that involves self-reflection, remorse, and a genuine desire to change. It requires a willingness to confront your actions and the consequences you inflicted upon others. Sephiroth, so far, has done none of this. He felt justified in his actions. And the few times when he does acknowledge what he has done? He rubs it in Cloud's face, for goodness' sake. He did this in Advent Children, 7R and even the original FF7, especially during that one iconic scene that shall not be named. Sephiroth has displayed constant cruelty to Cloud, his party and the planet. What on earth justifies him deserving redemption? Because of his awful and traumatic past?

Let me say this: the events leading up to and following Sephiroth's birth and childhood were undeniably tragic, and he cannot be blamed for them in any way. However, as an adult with the ability to choose his own path, he made the decision to inflict harm upon others, especially those who had no involvement in his suffering. As I mentioned in another post, introducing a potential redemption arc for Sephiroth would actually undermine Cloud's own arc and diminish its impact. Sephiroth serves as a warning to Cloud, acting as his dark mirror and representing the dark side of what a "hero" could become.

I would also like to mention Aerith, who, like Cloud, serves as another mirror to Sephiroth and had a deeply traumatic past. However, instead of succumbing to darkness like Sephiroth, she remained kind and hopeful. Sephiroth's redemption may also conflict with her story and role as well.

To sum it up, Redemption would require Sephiroth to question his beliefs and recognize the pain and suffering he has caused. He's not going to do that. He believes himself to be in the right, and the pain he caused to be "justice" in his mind.

And as you mentioned, it's clear that forgiveness is out of the question for him now. Cloud and Tifa, in particular, hold a deep hatred towards him and are determined to put an end to him. Tifa's grudge with Sephiroth has been largely overlooked, both by the fandom and CANON (seriously, what were the writers thinking...). But let's not forget the sheer terror poor Tifa had in 7R when she saw Sephiroth in front of Jenova's pod.

Both she and Cloud had been scarred (literally and figuratively) by this man for the rest of their LIVES. They deserve every blow they can get on Sephiroth...

Anyways, rant over. Please stop trying to make Sephiroth "work". He was a sweet baby that became an evil bastard. Let's appreciate the good and bad of the Crisis Cutie!

[gracieart]

You’re seriously going to take drawing requests from A Court of Thought?!? Someone who routinely lies, gaslights, bullies, and blocks Elriels? You were truly one of my fave people on this platform but watching you pander to Eluciens…whew, the respect I’ve lost.

Hello anon. I seem to have upset another one of you.

First and foremost, I am going to draw whatever I want and I'm not going to apologize to you. Let me just get that out in the air.

And for now, we are just going to ignore how you seem entitled to me, my art, my free time, and what I decide to do so we can quickly address your concern here.

I want to preface this by saying I sat on this ask for hours because I was genuinely so confused where this came from. I literally had no idea what you were referring to. I thought ‘A Court of Thought’ was you trying to criticize me for taking art prompts for A Court of Thorns and Roses and that you were saying I do all those things you mention. Which, as you can imagine, made me very sad.

But it finally dawned on me (after one of my friends pointed it out to me) that you were referring to the comment I replied to from the blog ACourtofThought.

After that realization, your comment started to make sense… for the most part.

Now, I have never once spoken to or even heard of this person before they commented on one of my posts. I know absolutely nothing about them. I’ve never even seen one of their posts. But if what you say is true, then you should know there is no possible way I could have even heard of them before, as I have a long list of anti tags blocked and have a strict no negativity policy on all my blogs. If you knew me at all, or if I was one of your favorite people on this platform, as you claim, then you should know that about me at the very least. I make it very very clear I do not deal with that kind of negativity.

And you know, not everyone in this fandom chooses to surround themselves with negativity. I hope you free yourself from this, truly.

I am not upset that you talked down to me, hurt my feelings, and insulted me. No, I’m mostly upset about the fact that you immediately jumped to the worst conclusions about me. The fact is I simply replied to a nice comment I saw on a post I made. That’s it. You saw that and thought “Wow, this woman is siding with this person I really dislike. And she obviously knows exactly who this person is and why I dislike them so much. So how dare she!”

…That is what you thought, am I wrong?

This is unwarranted and out of context. I am not “pandering” to Eluciens. I was simply asking my very kind mutuals, who happen to like that ship, if they had any prompts they wanted me to draw. And I tagged Elucien in that post so it reached other people. I have so many nice and genuine friends on here who ship all kinds of things, and I want to create something that makes them happy too. Is that a crime?

What if I told you I’m the exact same person I’ve always been? What if I told you that all the while I’ve been one of your “favorite people on this platform,” I’ve been doodling Elucien for some of my longest friends. Would you still have had any respect for me left to lose if you knew that all along?

I won’t talk about the ships here. If you want to know about that, go see my response to the other ask I answered yesterday.

When I first saw this ask, I’ll admit it upset me very much. So much so that I couldn’t get anything done for most of the day because I was so sad that someone would say something like this to me. But I’ve had a whole day to think about this, and I’ve come to one conclusion: I really don’t think you had much respect for me to begin with if you are so quick to turn around and talk down to me and insult me after I seemingly did something to offend you.

And if I did offend you, you could have easily just unfollowed me and moved on. But… you chose to go out of your way to insult me. Why?

I am sorry you are stuck in a place where you feel like you have to assume the worst of people. I’m sorry you have found yourself surrounded with so much negativity in this fandom. Fandom is a place for people to come together because they enjoy something, and I am truly sorry you’ve fallen into the part of the fandom that doesn’t comprehend that.

I’ll never begin to understand why people can’t see that kindness is so much easier. But at least I have a lovely circle of friends on here I can fall back on. Friends who have different opinions, who ship different things, or like other stuff. Friends who are in a completely different circle, but are the kindest, most compassionate people I’ve ever met.

Anon, I truly wish for you to find that for yourself. Try surrounding yourself with kind people who like different things. You will be so much happier. Trust me. There are so many nice people out there once you step outside your own circle.

[baxterstockmanisthecenterfold]

old follower from when you were Baxterstockmanismyson, why'd you delete your old blog? What made you come back?

I pretty much explained why here

But to some it up basically, I was just sick of the harassment & constant hateful responses my friends & I Myself would receive almost daily because of the most simple opinions.

Hell I actually remember this one time I was making a rant about 2012 Stockman's character mishandling & I brought up the Rise turtles for 2 seconds & even made a stupid joke about how I'm surprised no one accused the 2012 ones of racial profiling & this one user took it so seriously they harassed me & my followers the rest of the day

I also can't help but find this bit from them ironic considering they could have did the exact same thing with my post & followers.

This isn't even a one time thing too. As I just said. The fandom would just take EVERYTHING too seriously & attack anybody that disagreed with them in any shape or form & a lot of my best friends at the time were victims of cyberbullying because of them including me. Yes I could have ignored them, & most days I did tbh, but every once in a while there was always that one miserable person that just wanted to PERSONALIZE their attacks to me just because I said I didn't like Apriltello or something & they made their insults PERSONAL, to the point where I couldn't help but NOT ignore it. I already suffer from Anxiety and Depression & EXTREMELY low self esteem to the point where I second guess my talents. From my art to my appearance to even questioning why I still exist. If I should even STILL exist.. At that point in 2021 when I deactivated Baxterstockmanismyson I had already been going through enough stressful situations in my life, worrying about a ton of real life personal stresses in my life. And the unnecessary bullying from the fandom consisting of grown ass adults mind you was the last thing I needed. I had actually received yet another hateful message in my askbox because of one of my hot takes the day before I deactivated & it honestly fucked me up majorly so it was the last straw. I deactivated & I overall QUIT & Left the fandom entirely ever since, I just didn't see the point in staying anymore when there's little to zero good memories in it.

I would be lying if I didn't say I did miss some aspects. The one thing I missed the most being Baxter himself. Any version of him. Especially considering he's actually the entire reason I even got into TMNT in the first place (but a story for another time). He's beyond my favorite character, he's my comfort one, my boy ever since I was 12. Then Mutant Mayhem was announced along with the fact that Baxter was in it (& played by FUCKING Giancarlo Esposito) my interest was peaked to say the least. Especially after I found out he looked like this

I'd even say it was honestly the only reason why I saw the movie (even if he was only in it for 4 minutes) which I admit even outside of Baxter, I did end up enjoying it. It was also nice to talk about tmnt again to my Girlfriend & a once mutual friend at the time. Just making it our own personal bubble having zero contact with the fans, especially as I saw literally NOTHING changed just by people's reactions to Mutant Mayhem April smfh. So I assumed it was the right choice.

Another year went by. Things are different once again, that mutual friend I mentioned earlier is...no longer our friend.. and it was back to radio silence in terms of anything turtle related. I had started collecting figures at this point in time & with the release of Human 1987 Baxter & Mirage on the way, I figured it wouldn't hurt to FINALLY add Baxter to my shelf like I always wanted to years ago. Even finally start making custom figures for him that don't exist & it was a fun, exhausting but also therapeutic experience in a way. Especially getting the chance to finally look back at the mad scientist all the way from day one. From schulpting, to talking about him & even looking up other perspectives on him. Even if it was mostly misconceptions like always when it comes to him. And it got to the point where I wanted to let out an outlet to just really let out Stockman talk & facts about the guy that no one knew or already did but with a story behind it. Even taking inspiration from AskSpideypool's @ sciderman & their blog being the most dedicated blog to really get & understand Wade Wilson & Peter Parker with pages worth of history to back up the knowledge. It's honestly how I feel with Baxter Stockman if I'm being legit with you. So about maybe 3 months later or so, I decided to create this new blog, a new start. A blog to just really share & show all I know about Baxter & even find other people that feel the same way. Just a little Baxter bubble that I can have & feel safe in. It's also why you noticed I haven't shared NON Baxter stuff on here yet. To put it short. I'm not really back in the TMNT fandom. Sure I'll post about Baxter Stockman. But that's the ONLY thing I'll go as far as posting. I wasn't too far off when I said I only watched MM for Stockman & the fact that the fandom hasn't changed their ways based on MM April's reception.

I want absolutely nothing to do with the fandom's drama or possible drama the second I step into current TMNT events & I share my thoughts on them even if I had thoughts anyway, I honestly don't really care anymore aside from Baxter.

To sum it up: Unless it involves Baxter, I genuinely don't give a shit. So a heads up if I'm ever asked about something non Stock related like my thoughts on this video game or this ship ect I'm gonna ignore it. I just don't have the mental strength for the drama anymore. And it's not like the fandom itself even cares about Baxter let alone care enough to get mad over a hot take about him which I've yet to see (aside from some 30/40 something year old idiots on Instagram & Twitter that genuinely believed he was always a white guy & him being black is new) so I feel safe in my Stockbubble.

Anyway, hope that clears things up. Both why I left & how this new blog works.

[scaryspears]

Mileena: Thoughts and Opinions

These are my thoughts and opinions on Mortal Kombat that a bunch of people probably won't care about, but I thought I should post them here. Now I will be using past games as reference, even though every character's interpretation/counterpart is different, they still play part to the canon storyline.

[Warning: This post is very long. Revealing cosplay.]

I always saw Mileena as eccentric rather than crazy. The eating people thing? She's not human and is a fang faced creature, we are not to be surprised.

Appearance: Now before Mkx the female characters were sexualized for marketing purposes, but a lot of the fandom recognises Mileena to be the go to when it comes to sexualization. Even when Mkx took the designs more seriously Mileena still has that flare of... marketing. In mk11 that goes out of the window. Now mind you, I like the costumes and skins for Mileena in this game, I'm a sucker for kimonos, and that kimono still has a titty window and comes off as more revealing than Kitana's. Even when you put Mileena next to Kitana, knowing what she looks like without the mask, she's still seen as the 'hotter one' out of the two.

I think it's just the fact they babied her. And when I say they babied her I don't just mean her childish attitude that is significantly different to mk9, I'm talking about her face model. In another post I headcanoned that Kitana is 17-19 in human years because I genuinely believe she looks like she's around that age. In the previous games Kitana and Mileena both look like they are in their mid to late 20's which is how they were able to get sexualized.

Because of the redesigns I think it retconned the interactions that took place between the characters.

Ships

I find it bizarre that most of the male roster roasts the hell out of her, yet have an undertone of flirting based on interactions I've seen. Now, that's probably me being delusional and pulling at strings just to make a ship happen, but it's there.

Mileena + Kung Lao (If I'm feeling bold), Liu Kang (If I'm feeling bolder), Kuai Liang, Hanzo (childhood ship), Takeda ("You can look but you can't touch"), Stryker (watched Sonic XD's mk9 sucks video), Erron Black (I mean he did date Nitara and Skarlet), Bi Han/Noob Saibot

Out of all these ships I've listed I feel the most strongly about shipping her with Bi Han. It's mainly because of a post I saw, which was based on a meme. 

Kitana: Am I ugly?

Liu Kang: No. 

Mileena: Am I ugly

Bi Han/Noob Saibot: Yes. 

Mileena and Bi Han are dating in this meme, btw. I think it was built on the fact that Bi Han can see her for the tarkatan she is but it doesn't disturb him. I don't think he goes out of his way to mock her, either, he's merely analytical of her. Following one of my headcanons, he takes things literal, meaning he has no intentions of harming her emotionally.

Yes, I ship him and Sereena, but I like to try new things.

"We have met before." - Mileena

"In the Netherrealm, where I consumed your soul." - Bi Han/Noob Saibot

That wasn't supposed to sound sweet, but it did. To me. There's also this video.

They both have sibling problems and were killed unfairly. Mileena's crown was snatched from her while Bi Han was made a slave alongside Scorpion. You know, the guy that killed him. They fought Kabal together.

Oh, and they can both teleport :).

It could be argued that Noob has a better chance with Skarlet since she reminds him of Sereena, but I like her interactions with Sub Zero.

I'm starting to think I should write a yandere Liu Kang/Kung Lao x Mileena (one sided), I mean Kung Lao wanted Kitana too so he could see Mileena as some kind of replacement.

Family:

I think Shao Kahn does feel some kind of fatherly attachment to her, although I headcanon that he's a narcissistic father. In Mk11 story mode he was ready to kill D'Vorah the second he found out she killed Mileena. Protective dad. I think some of it comes from the father-daughter bond he has with Kitana. While Shao Kahn did say that he kept her around just to appease Sindel, he had no need to do that after her death, so he technically adopted Kitana just because he could. And then teenage rebellion kicked in and he had her replaced by Mileena.

"Where's this boldness been hiding, Kitana? Had you shown it before, I'd have no need for Mileena." I think Shao Kahn did care for Kitana but not in a way that his mind can fully address. But he prefers Mileena, as she's the version of Kitana that won't betray him. Even though Mileena was created as a replacement he still recognised her as an heir, and his daughter.

I also think Shao Kahn can't produce children... I mean I still see Skarlet as his adopted child. Dude's straight up just picking up daughters.

Shao Kahn being a dad:

"Raiden chooses champions poorly." - Shao Kahn

"This from the man who chose Mileena?" - Liu Kang

"Do not mock my daughter!" - Shao Kahn

-----

"Those who betray me suffer, Black." - Shao Kahn

"Our contract died when you did." - Erron Black

"You should've served Mileena." - Shao Kahn

-----

"You'll pay for Mileena, D'Vorah." - Shao Kahn

"This one did Outworld a service." - D'Vorah

"And so shall I." - Shao Kahn

-----

"With Sindel's return our family is complete." - Shao Kahn to Mileena

-----

"Daughter, you have returned." - Shao Kahn

"To reclaim my place at your side from Skarlet." - Mileena

"First prove yourself her better." - Shao Kahn

Yeah, he's a narcissistic parent.

-----

"You didn't teach me blood magic." - Mileena

"Sorcery is Skarlet's gift, not yours." - Shao Kahn

"You'd never know, you never gave me a chance." - Mileena

That sounds like sibling jealousy, Skarlet was certainly adopted.

-----

"Back from the dead, I see." - Rain

"You must answer for scheming against Mileena." - Shao Kahn

"Your daughter got exactly what she deserved." - Rain

-----

Bonus: Kitana

Kitana is just so out of pocket. Now to be fair, she reacted in a way that is understandable. If I found out someone cloned me and I was face to face with that clone I would freak out too. But it's what happens afterwards. Kitana claimed that Mileena attacked her when it was the other way around.

Now if we follow the events of mk9 and not the events that came before it, Kitana never got to even know Mileena, so that comment was uncalled for. Not only that, but Mileena was welcoming towards Kitana upon first meeting her. While she was created to replace Kitana, that was not her priority when she woke up and saw Kitana for the first time. It's very clear that Kitana has absorbed Shao Kahn's narcissistic habits.

Now with some interactions:

"You're more my sister than Mileena." - Kitana

"So why must we fight again?" - Jade

"Where there are siblings there is rivalry." - Kitana

-----

"I don't suppose you have a sister." - Kung Lao

"There is only Mileena." - Kitana

"Thank you. I'll pass." - Kung Lao

I think Kitana actually carries pride over being the pretty one. I also think she took pleasure in making Kung Lao uncomfortable.

-----

"You will be queen of the damned." - Noob Saibot

"That honour is Mileena's" - Kitana

Out of pocket, no one said Mileena's name yet Kitana brought her up just to insult her.

-----

Skarlet and Mileena should've had a bond of some kind that wasn't antagonistic. I already wrote a post about this some years ago on my old Tumblr account, but I deleted it so I have to start over with this post. In Skarlet's original story (before the retcon) she was created in the flesh pits and even appears a few times during the mk9 story mode, so by that alone Mileena and Skarlet have a connection.

In the retcon Shao Kahn is the one to teach Skarlet blood magic, but I always saw sorcery as Shang Tsung's speciality since Shao Kahn has his kingly duties to fulfil so I think it would be much more fitting if Shang Tsung taught her under Shao Kahn's orders, that way her and Shang Tsung have a bond of their own being teacher and student to compliment the fact that he created her back in mk9.

Now, Kitana has Jade so it was an opportunity to have an evil doppelganger situation with Mileena and Skarlet. They both like gore, they both hate Kitana because Kitana was mean to them, and they both don't like Jade. They both also have a thing for Sub Zero, which means they have similar tastes. They should get along. And for them to not get along I think it should've been the normal sibling dynamic where they would easily get into fights and do little things that annoy the other, but deep down are fond of each other. Something that counters Kitana and Jade's you're like a sister to me that you don't see real siblings experience.

If we're gonna follow the fact that they should get along, then Skarlet could've been the cool older sister. She had a boyfriend (Erron), she is good at what she does, and she's just as feral as Mileena but is more laid back. I can picture her helping Mileena with her makeup and her training. The sister that Kitana never was and refuses to be. On Skarlet's part it could be a thing where she remembered how it felt for Kitana to belittle her and for Jade to shun her for not being Edenian, and decides that she refuses to be the same to Mileena.

I have said a bunch of times that Shao Kahn sort of adopted Skarlet or sees her as a child of his. He took her away from the streets because she showed fire, and that's how a lot of adoptions go from what I heard, there's something about the kid that sparks something in that parent. But I think because Skarlet doesn't have royal blood and is a street urchin is what doesn't make her worthy of the title of daughter in Shao Kahn's eyes even if the bond is potentially there.

As much as I would love them to get along, Skarlet is jealous of Mileena. The fact that a clone was able to be given the title 'daughter' in a blink of an eye in comparison to Skarlet who had been serving him for more than centuries. "Shao Kahn needs no more Kitana clones!" is her way of saying that she wants to be recognised, loved and appreciated. "A pity you will never be his daughter." from Shang Tsung wasn't just any statement, he can see that this street urchin orphan who will not be mourned wants a parental figure in her life, and that unfortunately became Shao Kahn. There could've been the potential that it would be Shang Tsung, but we all know what he's like, he would see her as nothing more than a student who wants something more.

Skarlet lusts for power, and I theorise it is because she's trying to fill a hole, which is common in people who lack certain things in their life such as emotional stability and parental support. Having power will give her that sense of control over her life, supposedly.

Following my headcanon that Skarlet desiring Skao Kahn is a sign of her insanity, her need for security, appreciation and love has been perverted by the very thing that gives her power. Poor Skarlet.

[the-arkaives]

WELCOME TO THE ARKAIVES!

NOW PLAYING: curses - the crane wives “OOH, LAY MY CURSES OUT TO REST! MAKE A MERCY OUT OF…”

WHAT ARE THE ARKAIVES?: so, I realized that suddenly, i was no longer the only person who had Miss Kai Drew rotating in my brain. now, I may be the only one with her doing so 24/7, BUT THERES OTHER PEOPLE NOW-

The Arkaives are your one stop shop for the small little Kai Drewniverse Fandom! you’ll get cannon posts from me, and then the other arckaivist’s fucking BANGER ass “fannon” posts (GUYS I AM EATING THAT SHIT UP KEEP IT COMING)! it’s just a way for this tiny ass community to thrive :]

HOW DO I BECOME AN ARKAIVIST?: simple! reach out to me, say you wanna become an arkaivist, and then BOOM! you’re in! but if you’re a fucking douchebag/asshole i am NOT afraid to kick you out. this is a silly funtime blog, and if you bring bad vibes i am kicking you out. also don’t argue with me about cannon. I’m the author i know what I’m talking about 🤨‼️

WHAT CAN I POST AS AN ARKAIVIST?: you’re allow to post anything as long as it is vaguely Kai related! like, saw something pink and yellow? KAI DREW REFERENCE POST IT‼️‼️‼️ (<- fun fact: actual way i make going out in public fun instead of nerve wracking) it doesn’t even have to be just Kai! got ideas about relationships between Kai and ‘x’ character? POST IT! that’d probably be helpful for me writing nmk/kai in hf stuff, as I’m always a biiiit afraid of mischaracterizing the people of Hatchetfield in the fanfics. But, like, Kai lore isn’t just Hatchetfield! believe me, i forget too, but she’s in a shit ton of fandoms! so, if you’re into one of the other fandoms she’s in? join! fair warning, though: the Kai in HF lore is ROTTING my brain, so there’s gonna be a lot of that shit-

ARKAIVIST ONE - @pastriibunz

NAME: Pastrii!! :D

PRONOUNS: she/her :]

the kai drew fan. literally. i made her!!! i made that guy!!!! the creator of miss drew, the writer of the fics, the artist of the cannon art, the admin of @shxwstxpper (and this blog too), and professional pokotho prophet (/j)! ive definetly got a better intro on my main, (and it does list what fandoms kai's in so do take a look!), but this is my little bio sooo yeah!!! :D

ARKAIVIST TWO - @skylines-turnstiles13

NAME: Max!! :]

PRONOUNS: he/him :D

MY SON!!!!! the admin of @laika-at-hatchetfield and the reason this blog exists! legit my brother in christ told me to do it and my ass was like "yes sir 🫡‼️" and now we're here! he makes some DELICIOUS ass art (seriously man eating that shit UP) and made it so our first posts were angst (all hail the boy!!!! doing what i couldnt <- was going to wait a bit for soul crushing angst- let yall get comfy b4 i fuck yall up). GO FOLLOW THEM THEY'RE COOL AF 🫵😡‼️

ARKAIVIST THREE - @chillibeanos

NAME: Chilli/Max :3

PRONOUNS: Any :D

MY (other) SON!!!! I lob them sm GAHEGEGEGVR THE SILLY!!! they also have a neato lil guy named Bean Sprout so GO CHECK THEM OUT 🫵😡‼️‼️‼️ GO FOLLOW MY BOY 🫵😡‼️‼️‼️‼️

ARKAIVIST FOUR - @raspberrysmoon

NAME: elliot/alice/(rasp)berry/ella/julian

PRONOUNS: he/him + she/her + fawn/fawns + star/stars + they/them + it/its

YET ANOTHER ONE OF MY SONS!!!! I feel like getting added to this account just means you become one of my sons- silly little guy!!! they’ve got a more in depth intro too- FOLLOW THEM RIGHT NEOW 🫵😡‼️

ARKAIVIST FIVE - @christianchasity

NAME: Kacie!! :>

PRONOUNS: she/they

im literally neuerodivergent and a minor? but ayways im the rp expert because i ave 12 different accounts and i have 3 years of expeirence.... but i also have the tism and adhd and i am the grace chasity fan okay tats it love you consually an platonically!!!!

[transhawks]

craziest thing I've read is that redeeming the LoV will inspire people to become serial killer apologist in real life.

Honestly, this is an issue with our zeitgeist. I mean, two years ago I was arguing with fervor that merely liking Enji made you an abuse and rape apologist. People have called me a supporter of cop brutality and statist violence for continuing to find anything positive/interesting in Keigo. I'm sure people have found my sudden adoring of All For One "gross" too despite me liking him for being a pathetic villain. That's just this tiny corner of this fandom - I essentially abandoned tumblr in 2015-2016 because I saw the Steven Universe fandom get this way and yet, four years later, I dived head first into the same impulse for BNHA. The "redeeming villains is serial killer apologia" is just... of the same sort of brainrot I see in so many current day fandom spaces. I'm really not sure what's gone wrong. Maybe people were always like this and it took the internet to see that. Maybe media literacy has always been rare and this shows it. There's such a lack of tolerance for nuance or just actual "discomfort" that dealing with anything becomes a crusade. My advice is to seriously question when people bring in moralizing into fandoms as to what their motives are. I do think fandom can and should be ethical, but I've also seen how it essentially can create a cult of personality around certain people who then proceed to essentially cast out and punish people for "wrongthink" to solidify their own position. In the broader, non-fandom world, this sort of behavior has become a sort of clout on its own and the people usually caught up in this are isolated, disappointed people who feel disempowered and disenfranchised so in this small area, they clam what power they can. I've had other posts on this recently about my own experiences in spaces like this. Something to remember is an argument on the LoV being "serial killer apologism" is to ask why someone is essentially trying to shame you from wanting to see a redemptive story in tween's fantasy manga, which lives on the trope. By casting you as someone "immoral" and "problematic", whoever says this is essentially saying there's absolutely no conversation to be had about your position with the League. It's not enough to be "wrong" and "not a take I like", people cannot deal with the discomfort of another opinion so they opt to make having it and coexisting in a fandom society impossible. The best way to deal with people like that is to say they're being ridiculous. This is not the viewpoint of someone either truly serious or sound of mind. Engage with matching levels of absurdity.

[light-lanterne]

no one asked me but i don't care >:(

please, if i may, allow me to share some words about some of my favourite people this year. i must forewarn you, i most certainly forgot someone x.x i am feverish and have the memory of a goldfish, so please forgive me.

anyway, in no particular order:

@bottomlessabyssposts

hello, dearest nico! i'm,,, talking to you as i write this so this is a little awkward x.x anyway, thank you so much for letting me ramble for hours on end ! i'm sure it must get a little overwhelming at times, so i'm genuinely thankful for your endless patience and kindness. let it be known that you're an amazing writer and i can't wait for your next projects~ i'm a little angry at you though >:( that nier song you sent me is now stuck in my head and i can't get it out u.u anyway, thank you for letting me share my bad poetry attempts with you, and for helping me give shape to ideas that would otherwise be discarded simply because i don't know what to do with them. you're a great friend :] thank you for letting me talk to you

@smoosnoom

moon! there is much i could say about your writing but it'd probably take a lot of space so i'll just go ahead and expose myself: it is i, a friend-shaped krampus !! >.< i was too shy to talk to you then, but you're just so lovely and easy to talk to so thank you for being so welcoming and sweet :( i wasn't kidding back then, your writing is nothing short of impressive and all your stories leave me feeling like i just got a nice, warm hug :] as i'm sure it's become evident, i have too many words and this post is going to end up being huge so i'll leave it here. thank you again for being so friendly and for making such nice, beautiful stories~

@paladibun

jace ! it's been a bit, i hope things are going well for you~ so, i've actually been writing for quite a few years (for different fandoms) and never had someone made artwork for any of my stories. there will never be enough words to express how much that meant to me, and your continued support and encouragement are big reasons i didn't drop tde after the third chapter (i must go back to writing it x.x i promise i'm almost done with the next chapter). anyway, thank you so much for being so amazing to me, and thank you so much for sharing your beautiful art with us all. you're insanely talented, and every piece you produce is ridiculously unique and jaw-dropping <3

@ghoulsanderson

well, well, well. would you look who it is? if it isn't the person who inspired me to start writing after a two-year-long writer's block,,, no, but seriously, thank you so much for sharing your pretty stories with us! i adore your writing style and the way you get into mike's head is outstanding~ each of your works leaves me craving for more and each of them is even more enthralling than the last :] hope you've been feeling better ! and i hope we all get more vecna'd mike stories because, like you, i am feeling a slight withdrawal x.x

@lilacline001

lilac! hello! it's also been a bit since i saw you here on tumblr; i hope you've had excellent holidays! when i started making graphics, i had absolutely no idea what i was doing until i made the one for nocturne. it was an epiphany! a defining moment where i went from getting frustrated over never "getting it right", to having fun making stuff! so thank you for that :] your story motivated me in all the right ways~ speaking of,,, what an amazing tale! the way you write is heart-wrenching and endearing to no ends and the intrigue surrounding the universe you've created has me thoroughly hooked :] thank you for writing one of my favourite stories,,, ever, honestly,,, and i can't wait to see what happens next!

@bookinit02

haven! another one of my favourite authors! i started reading byler fanfics sometime in july and your works were some of the first that really got me into this little hyperfixation of mine~ (,,,should i be thanking you for that? x.x the brainrot is real and you're the one to blame /lh) anyway, yeah! your stories are amazing and unique and inspiring! i love the way you blend sweet fluff and soul-crushing angst so effortlessly. it hurts, but i love it ;-; i shall eagerly await for the next chapter of your retelling~ thank you for your incredible work, and for being so nice every time we've interacted !

@itsromeowrites

aha! another individual who's responsible for my hyperfixation! i don't have any evidence because ao3 decided to eat all of my bookmarks (what's up with that, anyway?), but 'a game of truths' was one of my first favourite fics x.x anyway, thank you so much for the amazing stories you write! just earlier i read 'playing pretend never felt so real' and i am not ashamed to confess that it had me giggling and smiling like a fool all the way through. you have a beautiful way of conveying the intricacies of your character's emotions and i can only aspire to be a tenth as good as you are in the future. thanks for the stories and for the sweetness ! i saw your post from yesterday (?) and it made me so happy ;-; thank youu

@astrobei

hello suni :] i've got a confession: i don't know why, but for a few months of my byler-spiral i,,, didn't read your works x.x no reason, i just,,, didn't. but everything changed (when the fire nation attacked yes, i know i'm not funny) and now they've become a great comfort for me! just recently i was having a really bad day and rereading some of your work really lifted my mood! the way you portray domesticity and feelings is incredibly realistic and endearing, and the introspective sections you write are so eloquent and descriptive~ thank you for the amazing works :D

@andiwriteordie

ahoy, oh wondrous andi! we haven't interacted much tbh, but every time we do you're incredibly kind and you make me smile a lot so thank you for that :] likewise, thank you for the astronomical amount of stories you share with all of us! there was this one post that went around the other day, about how some writers just seem to be made of stories. i believe there's no better way to describe you than that! every day, you share some beauty with everyone and it's downright scary how good everything is all the time :S more than that, however, it is inspiring to see so much creativity and you're constantly the reason new ideas pop into my head~

@perexcri

hello percy ! :] out of everyone on this ridiculously long list, i think your story, 'to hell and back again', is the one that had me laughing the hardest. my tummy even hurt at some points >.< it takes a lot of talent to create such an engaging story that seems to have the perfect combination of alluded-angst, humour and fluff~ i've read a handful of your other works since, and they're just as good, just as entertaining and heart-warming! you really are amazing and i can't wait to have some free time to read a few more of your stories hehe thank you for being so amazing, and for the huge honour that is making one of my graphics into an actual physical object! your friend (don't know if i should namedrop them) is amazing and it still baffles me to imagine something i designed being made into a physical thingy. thank you to both of you~

@byleresque

hi kat! i've only recently read one of your stories and i have already put your other two on my "to-read list" because your style is so nice and funny and charming :] it did ache a little though, but it was the best type of ache so i'm sure i'll enjoy everything else you put out~ thank you so much for the cuteness and the giggles, and for being so supportive and sweet ;-; good luck with writing your book! i'm sure it'll be wonderful~

@untitled-byler-blog

lilly! hi ! :D hope you're having a nice day! i'm,,, very quiet and awkward so i don't typically comment on your stuff, but lately i've been seeing a lot of sad posts from you :( and i just want you to know that you're amazing! your stories might be short, but it honestly makes me think of fairy tales and that's lovely~ i am incapable of brevity (clearly x.x) so it's confounding to see how someone can fit so much stuff in such few words no, seriously, how can you paint such a clear picture in the space it takes me to describe a singular hug? x.x it's impressive and requires a lot of talent (which i evidently lack) and i wish more people gave it a shot because each of your fics is a lovely nice ride~ anyway, all this is to say that you're awesome! i hope you feel better about this all soon and please remember you can send me any of your stories so i can share them and maybe help a little, okei? i'm cheering you on !

@rotisserie5107

helloo! so, we've never talked, i don't think. or maybe we have, i do have the memory of a goldfish so please forgive me if i've forgotten x.x anyway, hi~ just wanted to thank you for always being so nice and supportive of my stuff! your little comments always make me smile a lot :] that's all i wanted to say hehe

@souppiemousse

hi hii! may i call you souppie? or is there another name you'd prefer? :S we've never interacted, so i apologise if this is random :( just wanted to tell you that i adore your art~ it makes me super happy to see it and it has inspired me a lot lately when i'm writing~ so yeah, i just wanted to thank you for sharing your adorable art :] (okei, i'll stop being a weirdo now u.u again, sorry if this is icky)

okei, that's it! that's all the people who come to mind for now :S sorry if i missed anyone, i'm just tired and sick :( happy new year to everyone! i hope you accomplish anything you put your minds to, and i hope you smile and are happy today and every day this year :]

(i'm gonna take a nap now, this was supposed to be short x.x)

[bigjimbopickens]

For me personally, I won't be watching Kevin's stuff for a while to come. It is less about him though and more about the community he's brought to him, a community that now thinks he is one of them. A community that will likely stick around now as well. I don't remember reading anything in his apology regarding the vitriol he allowed to spread (though turning the comments off was the right thing to do), and I'm still soured by the lack of response to you regarding the p*** claims.

In any case I'm heavily disappointed. I love Kevin. He's the only YouTuber I have any merch from. And while I saw this coming I'm anguished. It sucks.

- also an autistic trans man

When I said I wouldn’t talk about this anymore I lied I wanna respond to this. I am contributing more to the convo with this though.

I feel the same way as I’m sure many others do too. And I’m glad you brought up the previous bs that happened just 2 or so months prior to all this because I was going to but felt like it wasn’t necessary as the post was already long enough.

For those unaware, in November 2022 Kevin posted a sims 4 video where he recreated the original sims 4 cult, which the fandom mimicked in a way. He changed the rules in that one to ban werewolves, which was interpreted as “ban furries.”

I made a joke response to it using the fursuit I made of werewolf Jim Pickens and people took it wayyyy too seriously. I was harassed quite a bit for that because people take what Kevin says too seriously. And of course I was called a p*do over it too. That situation scared off a-lot of people from the community but my naive self thought that was as bad as it gets and wanted to fix it. I believed it was my fault. So I organized a raid to bring the positivity back and it worked. Until Kevin fucked it up again 2 months later. I’m not organizing another. I’m not fixing his community again, he broke it and I had no involvement this time.

I sorta let that one slide when really I shouldn’t have because it was just one user who was really causing an issue for me. And it also wasn’t Kevin’s fault that guy had issues. I heard that Kevin did vaguely mention it on stream but I didn’t catch it because I was flying that day. Coincidentally he did post his “I almost quit in 2022” video on the day of the raid, which I came across again and said half-jokingly “You should’ve.”

There is another situation similar that happened to me back in April 2021 that is somewhat related as well. It was during the first NoPixel stream when I did fanart of Grognak and people started getting mad over their pronouns in my replies. So out of spite me and another artist drew them with the non binary pride flag and people became horribly transphobic towards us. Other artists joined us and the mods banned whoever was being transphobic in the replies. So transphobia has always been an issue in the community unfortunately, I just didn’t realize it was that fucking bad.

I joined the community shortly after the pandemic started when the Tomodachi Life series had started and I wish we could go back to those days. It was so much fun. Kevin never does videos anymore about his characters and when he does they’re more challenge-based rather than lore/character focused. That’s a big reason why his sims series fell off so hard. Jim went from being this evil idiot yet genius cult leader to asexually reproducing 100 babies. With the last sims 4 video being one that started a fight in his community I have no idea how he’s going to continue it. I don’t even know if he’s aware of what happened to me. I know he saw the fursuit, he liked the tweet I made about it.

Oh man another long post. Damn I ramble a lot. But I think it needs to be said regardless. I have got to be the user of the community who got fucked over the most amount of times simply for existing haha. I am the embodiment of what the community seems to hate. Thankfully two other communities have already welcomed me so I don’t have to rely on this one as much anymore. I’m still thankful for all the good it’s done for me but I’ve never been in a fandom more toxic than the Call Me Kevin community.

I hope you’re also doing well, anonymous stranger.

[leesielex]

Awww look. I got more Dany hate for a post that said Dany was Mother of Dragons. And so many of these trolls then theorize or fanfic that THEIR fave hatches their own dragons. Why would GRRM have TWO characters hatch dragons giving the same plot to both? Cersei is already becoming the mad queen with an attraction to wildfire, please tell me how it would make sense to have two mad queen stories in the same series too? Like How unoriginal and boring are you? Obviously you are at least as unimaginative as D&D, ya know the dude bros that claimed to read the books but didn't know Sam was a POV chap and thought a show where the confederacy won and kept slavery was a fantastic idea.

It also shows you completely miss the whole point of the series, that they all bring something to the table, that it's about the collective and greater good, that no one is perfect and it's about the struggle, the journey, the mistakes and learning from them. That they must put aside petty squabbles and the war for the iron throne to defeat the Others and save the realm.

Please tell me how they defeat the Others WITHOUT dragons? They don't. They all die. If you don't like fantasy with dragons then what are you doing here? If you so badly hate a woman with power &are a misogynist, just say that.

Seriously, show me a single character that has better judgement than Dany? That hasn't made a bunch of bad judgements, terrible decisions, been impulsive or let their emotions get the better of them, more than once, in the ASOIAF series? There isn't a single character in the whole story, especially those in positions of power like Stannis, Jon, but even Sansa and Bran that there isn't a list of poor judgements they have made that often result in the deaths of themselves, their loved one, or their people. (Except Bran but he is literally 7-9 in the books and has already committed 2 of the 3 abominations that skinchangers should never do). Like no one gets as much hate as Dany, no one is held to as high as standards as Dany and yet Dany is one of GRRMs fave characters, one of the key five, and the whole world of Planetos would be fucked w/o her and her dragons.

According to GRRM, Dany is a hero. “My own heroes are the dreamers, those men and women who tried to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in small ways or great ones."

And from Fevre Dream, written by GRRM I never held much with slavery […]. You can’t just go… usin’ another kind of people, like they wasn’t people at all. Know what I mean? Got to end, sooner or later. Better if it ends peaceful, but it’s got to end even if it has to be with fire and blood, you see? Maybe that’s what them abolitionists been sayin’ all along. You try to be reasonable, that’s only right, but if it don’t work, you got to be ready. Some things is just wrong. They got to be ended."

And when asked if the dragons are like nukes-

"it’s often been said that the dragons are the nuclear weapons of my imaginary world. They are the most devastating weapon, and they cause great destruction, massive loss of life. but they’re not necessarily, you know, I mean, this is part of Dany’s storyline and the original novels."

Dany sacks Astapor and takes Meereen and yet she DOESNT USE HER DRAGONS IN THE BOOKS BUT ONE TIME TO KILL BURN ONE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE SERIES SO FAR!

Y'all either never read the books and are going only off D&D's fanfiction show, you haven't read the books in so long that you remember the show scenes better than the books and conflate the two, or you let the Internet forum hate of Dany dictate your thoughts without zero confirmation or critical thinking of your own.

So gtfoh with that "nuke" bs. Even GRRM backtracked on that recently. Prob cause he saw how badly D&D and so many of the fandom has misinterpreted this story due to misogyny and media illiteracy.

[kharmii]

Maybe Marchy wants you to delete their post because they don't want to be affiliated with you, specifically. You're sort of a trash human being who can't get past werewolves being fictional creatures who have been a part of human mythology for thousands of years. Oh, and you're also transphobic and borderline homophobic. No one seems to like you, Kharm. Take a hint and keep your opinions to yourself for a change.

I haven't seen werewolf pron in a long time because all the people into it blocked me before I had a chance to block them. Srsly tho, there is no fandom as thirsty for dog-ass as submas. Beautiful men = Out of Style. Grotesque hairy stank-factories = In Style.

I don't like a lot of you either. I'd have been over this fandom ages ago if I wasn't into making dubious translations of Asian art. It's not like I'd want to go diving head first into My Hero Academia either, as it's mostly a bunch of kids. I suppose Erasurehead x Present Mike is appealing in the 'opposites attract' sort of way, but I'm not into Endeavor x Hawks because the former is too much of an alpha male. A main plot point was how Endeavor got into an arranged marriage with a once influential family that was struggling. They sold their daughter to Endeavor so he could selectively breed perfect superhero babies.

Endeavor: *taps watch* My recovery time is twenty minutes. That's how often you are getting bred until that baby sticks. After that, we could go once an hour for fun. (My goddamn #1 hero)

Anyway, nobody has yet to answer my question about why it's acceptable in fandom to be a shitting dick nipple fkn furry into a million stupid fetishes, yet a lot of those people still have the gall to have a 'Proshippers DNI' on their pages. Why is it okay to cherry pick the two things? (Pedophilia/Incest) but it's okay to belong to a group of people (furries) who are overrepresented in irl cases of sexual abuse? Why is one sort of weirdo more socially acceptable than another?

Side note: A lot of furries I've encountered are into belly kink. You know how they are always saying yaoi is offensive to irl gay men because woman pidgeonhole gay men into heteronormative female fantasies? Well, first of all, fuck gay men and men in general. It's part of male privilege that all biological males -whether straight gay or trans- have this attitude like their feelings are of utmost importance, and that they should be allowed to regulate what we do. If gay men don't like my gay men fantasies, then fight me.

Where was I....so belly kink is a very heteronormative feminine fantasy. It's a very female fantasy to want to see a feminine looking person being comforted by their masculine partner when they are suffering with a huge swollen pregnant looking belly. I can see the appeal of it if the person with the fat belly is pretty looking, like the Dabiten ship. Unfortunately, I too often saw depictions of this featuring gross ass furries that one could just imagine the stank lines wafting out of.

Another side note: Is there the same sort of crap in other fandoms one sees in submas? -Like does every other fandom get flooded with two-dick dragon morbidly obese omegaverse bullshit? I'll say it again because I have the right to my opinion....I'll bet a lot of monster fkn bullshit is trans coded, like they want to normalize fat hairy men with vaginas and/or dubious genitals (like multiple dicks, yo..) looking pregnant. It's yet another side effect of our fossil fuel driven glut where too many people have amygdales not functioning correctly which causes dysfunction with dopamine regulation. A person with a healthy sense of their own mortality would be repulsed by pregnant trans male figures because of the potential of getting a really messed up baby.

Seriously, doctors are supposed to experiment on animals before moving to humans. How many female animals were pumped with male hormones then made pregnant? Have there been a lot of studies done on what unnatural male hormones might do to a developing baby in the womb? -Or are we in the midst of ongoing legal experimentation on humans?

[mlobsters]

one person's messy relationship to asexuality, relationships, sex and fandom

i saw a post the other day talking about how whenever the topic of asexual folks not having sex comes up, people will chime in that ace people can/do have sex sometimes too and that's okay! and basically how it adds nothing/takes away from the conversation. which, i mean, both things are true.

there's so much deep misunderstanding of what being asexual is and means. take myself, an ace person, i had no clue what being asexual meant until the past handful of years. at my big age of 40+. i'd seen some posts by cody daigle-orians, ace dad advice (tiktok, they have a book out now too and another on the way! i am ace), and things started churning in my mind. i read some simple definitions in a healthline article and it's like a lightbulb went off.

What Does It Mean to be Asexual - Healthline

Libido. Also known as your “sex drive,” libido involves wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it might feel a little like wanting to scratch an itch.

Sexual desire. This refers to the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.

Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

i realized i'd never experienced sexual attraction, and in fact had a complete misunderstanding of what sexual attraction even was. i was conflating my libido and sexual desire with attraction. similar to being agender and having aphantasia, i think it can be difficult to conceptualize something you've never experienced. whenever you hear people talking about things, you're trying to fit it within the framework of what you experience and how you understand the world works, to realize they are experiencing the world in a fundamentally different way you didn't know existed. it might seem absurd but i remember being around women talking about how they were looking forward to a movie because it meant some dude's ass would be out. and inside my head i was just like, really?? ....huh. (i said it was absurd.)

sex has been a large source of conflict and stress in the past 20 years of my life. so i guess this is that story.

i don't know how old i was, but some time in my early teens, i figured out women's bodies were what turned my crank. i had romantic crushes on boys at school, but thinking about girls got me going. but no one specific, never anyone specific. to this day, never anyone specific. this would be an important detail i didn't connect until much later. so i knew i was bi from early on, but it was the 90s and being out just wasn't really happening in school where i lived. i got into a serious, and abusive, relationship with a boy when i was 17 and that lasted 11 years. i was interested in sex, i had a lot of sex with him at the beginning. over time, i didn't want to have sex anymore.

i've always been conflict avoidant, and being with someone who picked a fight with me nearly every day for years made it so much worse. i didn't feel like i could say no. i looked forward to my period because then i had an excuse to not have sex. i briefly was in therapy, never mentioned the abuse or a whole host of other things but i did tell the therapist about not wanting to have sex with my then-spouse. she told me "use it or lose it", that the less sex i had, the less i'd want it. so have more sex and you'll want it again. that poisonous bit of advice stuck with me a long time. i didn't believe it, but i didn't not-believe it either. i didn't stay with that therapist more than the whatever number of allotted weeks insurance would pay for. years later, i asked for a divorce and left that relationship.

i got into other relationships, and sex again was that shortcut to intimacy/attention/affection and it was good. but then at some point, again, i didn't want to have sex. i was married, i had kids. i seriously thought it was part of my responsibilities of being married. like, spousal obligation. i knew when it had been too long and i needed to step up. go search on the internet "don't want to have sex with spouse" and basically the vast majority of advice will say sex is essential to the relationship and sometimes you have to compromise.

but i didn't want to, and i hated having to. why is it that i always have to compromise in a way where i'm losing bodily autonomy? my body is mine except once a week because i have to do this for the better of the relationship? this obviously was a big source of stress for me, and my partner could tell things weren't right. i avoided physical affection because i didn't want it to be confused with interest in sex.

i've spent a long time feeling guilty about not knowing i was ace. that i got into relationships and then flipped the script when i didn't want to have sex anymore. like i'd inadvertently done a bait and switch. i've been trying to pick apart what changed, why it changed, etc for years. ultimately, sex was a shortcut to affection and undivided attention. and if my libido and desire for sex was lining up, it worked. until it didn't. maybe six months before i was really sure, my spouse asked if i was ace. i thought i was somewhere in the spectrum maybe but i didn't know. and then things clicked and i got it. i was honest with the fact that i didn't want to have sex, i hadn't wanted to have sex for years, and as far as i could tell i could be fine with never having sex again. i didn't want to be "fixed", i didn't want therapy, or hormone checks to see if there was something "wrong" with me. i still have a moderate libido, i just don't want sex with someone else. i still struggle with some guilt over that last bit.

there was some inner turmoil over whether it was the years of baggage, of having sex that was vaguely consensual but also clearly unwanted, if that's what "caused" my loss of interest in sex. that the inability to say what i wanted from the abuse trickled down to other relationships. maybe if i'd figured out what was happening in my 20s, i'd be less rigid about no sex when i understood i could say no. i slowly came to accept that it didn't matter. what matters is where i am now.

all that said, let me wrap up a bit with how this all intersects with media and fandom. sex scenes, especially with my faves, in visual media often weirds me out (not always, and it's not terribly clear to me when it does or doesn't, but also not sure it matters.) and there again, there's been a trend of less sex scenes in movies etc, and i don't think that's a good thing either. just because it sometimes makes me very uncomfortable, i don't think they shouldn't exist. i just often don't want to see it. but i can skip it or look the other way or whatever. that is my problem, not everyone else's who does want to see it.

and nowadays the only time i feel much turmoil is within fandom spaces. being horny on main for your faves is normal and expected and i don't begrudge anyone that. especially with how puritanical some fan spaces have become and the nonsensical moralizing over shipping. i'm a wincest shipper, i read plenty of pearl clutching fic on the daily. but there's some internal weirdness for me seeing people being horny on main about their faves. please go ahead, but i don't want to see it. but i absolutely also do not want to unfollow people because of it, but it's also not something i can filter on.

so i try to get a feeling of the type of posts people might be getting up in their horny feelings in the tags and i scroll past without reading. people being horny for their faves and writing some explicit fic about it, sign me up. it's a step removed from anyone i know and i can just sort of, live vicariously through the characters experiencing things i don't experience. but there's something very different in my mind when it's a person talking about it on tumblr or twitter or whatever. it doesn't make sense and i get irritated with myself over it pretty regularly, and it adds to feelings of isolation.

i already have a lot of unpopular opinions about my current fixation, just add this to the pile of things i am alone in feeling. which is terribly dramatic and ridiculous, but it is what it is. and my anxiety+social anxiety+depression make this whole cocktail more potent. i'm always trying to find a way to let these things roll off my back. it's a work in progress.

so i think the point of this all is that it's hard talking about asexuality in general terms because the spectrum of feelings and experiences and relationships to intimacy is vast. and as asexual people, we're often combating some very base level misunderstandings from the public at large - that being ace isn't about not being interested in sex. it may involve that, but it's not what the literal definition is. so this is just one person's very messy relationship to asexuality.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[itsstrange]

Uncle Billy

Relationship: Billy Butcher x Rylee Milk (OFC)

Fandom: The Boys

A/N: Here’s another Billy Butcher fic because why not?? This was originally posted on my IG account but has been sitting in my drafts for a while now. It’s just something soft and something different. Hope y’all enjoy 💚✨

Summary: An unexpected guest invites themselves into school grounds, M.M is not having it but Rylee is sure enjoying it.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: (None) Fluff, cute, Butcher being the fluffy/funny/supportive over protective Uncle.

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Enjoy! 💚✨

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Being popular and well known for throwing large parties or being in the football team, or the basketball team or the cheerleading team is one thing, but being well known for being the English teachers daughter is another thing, and that’s who Rylee is. The oldest daughter of Marvin T. Milk. It was embarrassing, or so her teenage mind thought, but as she grew up and got more mature she honestly got use to being known as the teachers daughter. In the beginning of freshman year she tried her best to hide it from everyone, minus her close friends, but once she entered her final period of the first day of high school, she just wished she had the power to turn invisible. Sitting on the desk with a iPad in his hands was her father, and once he made eye contact with her he made sure to greet her in the most exposing, embarrassing way. In case you’re wondering, yes, he greeted her as if she was 5 years old, and just because of that she had gotten shit from it ever since.

However, that died down once a specific person in her life found out their favorite niece was getting teased, and let’s just say that will forever be a favorite highlight of hers. Yes, people still know she’s the teachers daughter, but they all know better than to tease her with the fact, mainly because everyone has already matured to start shit like that, but also because they know she has somebody that’ll find out if they did.

Speaking of somebody, as Rylee was nose down in her test, she could immediately hear the way her father softly curses under his breath and catches the moment he gets up from his desk and towards the door. She can hear him mumbling things to the person outside, but before she can guess who it was that familiar black coat is the first thing she sees entering, then his black thick beard and hair, from where she sat she can tell he had trimmed both hair and beard from the last time she saw him. As both males enter the classroom, they’re still whispering amongst each other, well more like Rylee’s father trying to stop his stubborn friend from entering the class.

“Butcher seriously not now, they’re taking a test,” M.M calls after him but doesn’t really stop him from sitting down on his chair,

“I’ll be quiet as a daisy,” He throws him his iconic smile before looking down at some stacks of paper in front of him, scoffing as he scans some students paper, mumbling under his breath ‘plonker’ before reaching out for the red pen on the side,

Although, before he can even mark the paper with his idiotic-ness or leave some inappropriate British slang on the kids paper, M.M yanks the pen out of his hands and starts collecting the papers from the desk, awhile asking his friend why he decides to bring his negativity around school grounds.

“Lunch break, was around. Thought I stop by, throw a lil wave at ya,” He states, grabbing some sticky-notes from his right and another pen,

M.M scoffs with a shake of his head. He can never win with this man, yet he still kept him in his life and the other male kept him around as well, guess they had a much bigger bond then they assumed.

“Couldn’t your white ass wait until six, better yet until dinner?” M.M asks but quickly looks over his shoulder when he spoke a bit too loud, giving his students an apologetic wave, but lingers his eyes on Rylee who just sends him a shake of her head with a small smile,

“What’s so ‘rong in visitin’ a close mate o’ mine?” Butcher asks, still writing or drawing something on the yellow sticky note,

“It’s wrong if you show up during school hours..,” Rylee softly chuckles to herself as she tries to focus on her test but still being able to hear her father and friend talking to each other in the distance,

They remained talking to one another, but Rylee did her best in not eavesdropping, if her father knew she was listening in on their pointless conversation and not finishing her test on time, she knew she’d get a lecture from him back home. So to save her from misery, she did her best in focusing on the test in front of her, even if she’s already passing the class with a solid A-plus, she knew it was important to get as much good grades as she can for college, college applications were around the corner so it was not the time to slack off with anything.

As she was reading the last section of the test, she hears her father curse once again, which marks the twentieth time he curses on school grounds, which never happens but then again, Butcher was here. Butcher is the cause for her father’s foul language, he is always the cause for her fathers language.

"Shit... I gotta take this," M.M whispers as he looks down at his phone but glances back up to the kids who are working on their class work,

"’ave at it, I can watch the little buggers," Butcher offers, leaning back against the chair with his feet prompt up the desk, earning a scowl from the man in front of him,

M.M immediately shakes his head, "Nuh huh, not by a long shot," He claims as he shoves the man’s unsanitary boots off his space,

"Just while you take the call, they won't even know I'm ere'” Butcher argues back as he gets more comfortable in the chair, replacing his feet back on the desk when shoved off,

Now normally, M.M would have an entire list why he wouldn't let Butcher alone or near the kids, he's actually surprised he hadn't even called security on him, no, he’s actually surprised they let him inside the school, but he honestly did have to take the call. So with a defeated sigh he agrees.

"Just watch them, nothing else man," M.M points at him, seriousness settled in his tone,

Butcher raises both hands and pretends to zip his mouth shut. Narrowing his eyes once again, M.M makes his way out the classroom. Just as the door closes, Butcher looks back to the kids and immediately recognizes a face, sending her a wave with his fingers, earning a shy wave back.

"You know him?" A low voice makes her look away,

She only nods with a shrug, "That's my Uncle Billy,”

She casually explains to the boy beside her with a shrug of her shoulders, clearly not phased by the way he raises his brows at her for the unknown fact, or maybe due to the fact he’d never in a million years think this sketchy Brit of a man was anywhere related to her.

Turning back to the brute of a man, Rylee smiles at him before going back to her work. Not even five minutes had passed when she suddenly sees a yellow sticky note being placed in her view, which had a middle finger drawn that was pointing side ways which showed the remaining answers to her test. Glancing up she watches Butcher walk back to the desk before sending her a smirk and a wink, causing Rylee to shake her head with a smirk of her own before marking the correct answers on her paper. Cheating is technically considered to be a sin, especially when it comes to finals, but whenever she’s around her Uncle Billy nothing feels like a sin. Which should not be a good thing, but she didn’t care.

Just don’t let her parents hear her, or else she’ll get in trouble or grounded for weeks, and Butcher would not be welcomed to the house. Again.

By the time M.M walks back inside the classroom Rylee had just finished her test and was just sitting there for the timer to go off, meanwhile Butcher was leaning back against the chair, feet prompt up the desk with phone in his hands. Who was most likely scrolling through any news, or just watching random videos on YouTube. Once again, within reach, M.M slaps the man’s dirty boots off his desk awhile mumbling under his breath about how he’ll cut off his damn feet if he keeps it up, his remark was loud enough to earn a couple snickers from students, including Rylee.

Getting up from her desk Rylee walks over to both men and gently places her test in the center of her fathers desk.

“Reviewed everything?” M.M asks her, sitting on the edge of his desk since Butcher still hasn’t gotten up from his chair,

Rylee nods her head with a small smile, “You sure?”

“O' course she is she’s practically Stephen fuckin' Hawking. Matter o' fact, there’s no point in gradin' 'er paper just give 'er a passin' grade,” Butcher comments, already reaching out towards her paper with a red pen but immediately gets it taken from his grip.

“Y’Can’t just pass someone because you know they’re smart dickhead, even the smartest people can make mistakes,” M.M claims, putting his daughters test away from his friends idiotic prying hands,

Butcher scoffs with a roll of his eyes, not understanding why his friend is planning on wasting his time in grading his nieces paper when they both know everything would be on point.

“I’m sure you did great baby, just gotta make sure of it,” M.M sends her a reassuring smile which he receives back,

“Yer’re wastin’ yor time mate,”

“And you..,” M.M turns back to the Brit, shoving off his feet once again, “Are too. You should be heading back to the precinct by now, Mallory ain’t gonna take none of your shitty excuses today,”

Butcher scoffs again, “Does she ever?”

But rises from the chair regardless, placing the red pen back in its place along with the rest of the red pens, knowing all too well his friend has a thing with having his space organized. He can be an asshole… most of the time, but not always.

“Arright awright I’ll leg it, I’ll see ya at dinner. Will bring a bottle o’ wine or somethin’” The whole time both men were having a conversation Rylee just stood silently, chuckling at them every once and a while,

After confirming the proper time to arrive at the Milks’ home, both men firmly hug each other, making Rylee’s lips curl upwards. She truly loved their friendship. Walking around M.M, Butcher makes his way over to Rylee where he engulfs her into a tight embrace. He smiles to himself when he feels the way her arms snake their way inside his coat and around his waist, as well as feeling the side of her cheek against his chest. Kissing the top of her head and sending her a wink, they pull away from each other. Rylee doesn’t go back to her desk until the brute man finally walks out the classrooms, then chuckles when her fathers curses under his breath again when you can clearly hear Butcher whistling down the hallways.

When she walks back to her desk and sits down, she looks up the same time her fathers back is facing the entire classroom. Rylee squints when she sees something. Stuck on the upper edge of his right shoulder was a bright neon sticky note with black bold letters that said..

Cunt.

The loud snicker that escapes from her causes her father along with a couple students to glance her way, but she was quick to shut up by pretending to cough in her hand, even if she knew it wasn’t believable she still made it seem as if she was coughing. Her father sends her a look before turning back around to whatever he was doing, sticky note still plastered onto his shoulder. Rylee only shakes her head with a silent chuckle, knowing all too well once her father finds out he’ll be giving hell to Butcher later at dinner.

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- Hope y’all enjoyed this short fic! Had this idea for a while now and was really excited to finally write it for y’all! ✨

-Anyways! Make sure to Turn On Post Notifications!!! 🔔 For more Updates like this!!

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[ultfreakme]

WOW... You can't imegine how excited I am now that I know you also ship AkaFuri from KnB. When I entered the fandom, most people ship akashi with kuroko or akashi with his white haired senpai (sorry forget the name). And then Zuko/ Sokka, at that time (years ago), most will ship zuko/katara or katara/aang, and I was made fun of because of my ship... Thanks for sharing your fav ships @ultfreakme ....

I found your blog cause your post about parallel between ItaJun with SatoSugu (you are the first person who I found to see the similarities between ItaJun with SatoSugu)....

Can I ask why do Gojo in s1 left bad impression on you? I love your HC about him, so true, I can't imagine Gojo without his power or wealth but I can imagine Geto from rags to riches.....

YES ANOTHER AKAFURI SHIPPER MWAHAHAHA!!! And a Zukka as well I see I see you have wonderful taste hehehe. I fully understand why people shipped Akashi with Kuroko and white-hair senior(Mayuzumi hhhhh me & my friend love this character a lot, we mostly enjoy the secondary and tertiary character like Nijimura- who was the Generation of Miracles former captain). But like, AkaFuri just have so much fun potential~~

And oh my god I fully escaped the Zuko/Katara shipping content and discussions because I wasn't in fandoms as a kid, it must have been a nightmare for you to have shipped Zukka back then when the Zut@r@s are....well they are not fun to talk with. Back then and often even now, people see queer ships as less valid than het ships even though both are equally unlikely. Just because a ship is het doesn't mean it's less delusional. Glad we can all enjoy the Zukka renaissance now and hopefully the vitriol from the het ship wars does not reach us anymore.

I posted the ItaJun/SatoSugu parallel thinking no one would agree and it felt a little delulul shipper brain even to myself but like, it was there, and I just wanted to talk about it and I'm so glad someone else saw it too!!! I think JJK has a lot of relationships that are just, variations of each other. Eg; Gojo-Geto, Yuuji-Junpei, Yuuji-Megumi are all sort of divergences of each other. There's an idea of 'being saved' that runs through all 3 of them. Geto doesn't want to be saved, Junpei wants to be but he doesn't manage to say it out loud, Megumi explicitly asks to be saved. I think they each give insight into the effects of loneliness and power, sort of like Junpei, Geto and Megumi are all a 'what if?' of each other and I think this exists outside of shipping with multiple characters [Maki and Toji, Jogo-Hanami-Dagon and the jujutsu high kids (wild comparison ik but I;'m thinking of it in like, the aspect of wanting to protect one another and be there for each other while being unable to in the face of an enemy that is much stronger than their desire and power to keep each other safe)].

Ah, and Gojo's first impression. I don't usually trust characters with immense power. On first watch I was empathizing with Yuuji the most since he's the MC, and this suspicious, extremely powerful man is playing nice with Yuuji, who he wanted dead at the start. I saw him making Yuuji grow stronger and eating Sukuna's finger as something he did to serve his own unspoken(probably evil) goals in the future. Like the way he acted kept making me think he had an ulterior motive. As the series went on a the exchange event came around, my suspicions went away but I still didn't enjoy his personality type- arrogant, childish, never takes anything seriously, high off his own power and unable to empathize with normal people.

But season 2 made me enjoy his silliness from s1 because it re-contextualized his attitude. He's not annoying and childish to people only to be an asshole, he genuinely likes these people and wants to have fun with them. He doesn't take anything seriously on the surface but deep down he's calculating everything so the kids around him don't need to worry. He's high off his power but why wouldn't he be? He wasn't exaggerating in the slightest when he said he was the strongest, that was objective fact. It's not that he doesn't want to understand the people around him, he just fundamentally CAN'T but despite that he really, really tries in the few ways that he can.

I'm used to characters like Gojo- those that are low on empathy and way too strong for their own good- Saiki from Saiki K, Saitama from One Punch Man. Those characters despite their strength, have this human struggle and relatable element to them which I found missing in S1. But S2 showed his weaknesses and suddenly everything about him made a lot of sense and he shot up from being a character I didn't give a crap about to one of my top faves. Gojo Satoru wasn't a god.

He would rig thing so his students can play baseball instead of shed more blood and build animosity through fighting. He'd bargain for the life of a child because he's a child and children deserve to be happy. He was a child once.

It's so funny and frankly amazing how I, the reader who has insights the characters will never have, still fell into the trap of thinking of Gojo as separate and unattached to regular humanity that most characters in-universe did. Having that subverted was such a fun experience.

Thanks for the ask anon! Have a nice day~~

[agent-cupcake]

Hey, another fanfic writer here—I saw ur recent post regarding lack of interest, and I have a few things I’d like to share that would hopefully help you since I’ve felt, and to an extent STILL feel the way you do about the topic of only really getting attention for fics of other more popular fandoms while the ones your proud of are just… 20 likes, as you said.

Apologies for the unasked advice, I come from a place of complete empathy since I’ve been there again and again to where I’d write a shit one off for a fic and it would get more traction then the stuff I actually put work into—like “wow you guys prefer some garbage written fluff of x character but this fic, which i have poured a LOT into, isn’t really acknowledged?” and unfortunately, there’s really no way of getting past that feeling beyond just completely removing yourself from the concept of being praised/putting importance in other people’s thoughts.

Genuinely I have not felt better than now when I post fics because I completely disregard people’s opinions—both good and bad, whether it be praise or mild hate—whatever is said, I feel nothing. This has fostered to the extent where I get annoyed when I get excessive likes for a fic because I find the notifs annoying. It’s a sad reality, but as writers (or creatives in general) it’s a detriment to consider others, especially when YOU, a painfully, undoubtedly SKILLED writer whose unpaid.

Seriously, not to give you the sloppy or whatever, but you’re fucking GOOD. And not to be the “hehe im a hardass and hard to impress!” but genuinely, reading your fics just makes me “😨” BECAUSE THEYRE SO GOOD?? HOW ARE THEY NOT PUBLISHED WORKS?? HOW ARE YOU ONLY GETTING 200 NOTES?? And it pains me to read that you’re deeply effected by the lack of traction you get, because I understand, but you must understand your worth isn’t defined by degens online who want a good smut or just a person who wants to read any content made of a niche character :(

Yadiyadia, long story short: You’re good (REALLY good) and I STRONGLY advise you learn to completely detach yourself from the want for praise and learn to create merely because you enjoy it, because in the end, all that matters is that YOURE happy and you, as the unpaid and sinfully underrated fanfic writer, enjoy the process.

I was being whiny and pathetic last night I don't like the way I came off so first off, I thank you for sending this, and thank all of the people who responded to my complaining with such kindness and understanding. There are so many wonderful people who have followed and interacted with me throughout the years. It's really unfair when I get depressive to be whiny about interaction when I have proof that so many people are willing to read 20k+ word fics. That's, what, over an hour out of their lives? Regardless if they comment or interact beyond that, it's something I'm way too willing to take for granted. I do apologize for speaking in a way that devalues what a blessing all of you are. When I'm upset I have a tendency to speak in a way that plays on guilt or sympathy way too much and, combined with my poor communication skills, I really do not like the way I came off especially since the people who reached out are the same ones who have been supporting me to begin with. It's poor behavior and I should be more mindful. Really, truly, thank you so much for offering your kindness and support, it really does mean a lot to me.

This is good advice and you're right that it's something I should keep in mind. Perspective is the name of the game unless you want to suffer. For the most part, I really do try to think this way. You know, create for the sake it of, enjoy what you do, all of that. To clarify, a little bit, the feelings behind my rambling last night, I view creation as an inherently interactive process. I have an idea and try to figure out how best to express that idea so I can share it with the reader who can then interpret and respond to that idea. The reader can tell me if I properly expressed that idea, or if I failed. That's why even something as small as "this was hot lol" is meaningful is because it's somebody telling me that I was successful with expressing my idea . But if this is how I feel about content creation, the only conclusion I'm able to draw from saying I don't care about feedback is to never post anything at all. I can't be "good" in a bubble. There's nothing to be learned, or understood, or measured if I am the only audience for myself. I write and share stories to express ideas to others because I genuinely think I have something to offer other people. Sure, it's often an appeal to sexuality or ridiculous levels of heightened emotion for the sake of titillation, but there's a lot of evidence of just how valuable people deem content like that. If somebody is willing to read a 20k+ word fic, I would like to know why. What I was whining about more than anything was a lack of interaction rather than traction. I don't expect to be wildly popular with reader insert, but it irks me that people would be more willing to demand I post more content (such as with the HxH stuff) than they would to show their appreciation for content I've already put up and they've consumed. Now that I'm not in that state of mind, I can acknowledge that this was a childish view to take that could very well not even be true on top of weird framing of holding my fics hostage for the sake of attention.

Anyway, I'm sorry that was an objectively bad take and I'll blame being sad and tired. I truly thank everybody who has responded kindly and with a reminder to focus on what actually matters (degeneracy and thirsting). I apologize again for putting people in that position it was pretty lame of me.