#i saw him choosing his wife over my family and cutting off communication to my parents or some other extreme but never this and

[robertsbarbie]

my brother: probably is going through the worst thing he’s ever been through in his entire life

me: how can i make this about myself and my sadness

[lubdubsworld]

Change of Heart ( Taehyungx OC)

Pairing : Taehyung x OC Werewolf AU!!

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content.

Warnings : None. ( Some mild violence but mostly off screen ) werewolf sex, ruts, knotting etc

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3/ Chapter 4

[ Summary :

Times are changing.

After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all…..

He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first.  ]

Chapter 5

I found myself breathing through my nose, woozy and incoherent as the doctor fussed over me. 

“This is looking pretty damn bad, Dr. Jeon...” He was muttering while Jungkook sat next to me gripping my hands. My throat went dry at the words, fear making my heart jackrabbit against my ribs. 

“The bullet’s hit pretty close to artery near the clavicle, she’s lost a whole lot of blood. “

“Seo Joon’s going to prison for this... “ Jungkook swore, stroking my palm as I tried to stay conscious. 

“Tell me I don’t have to stay in the hospital for a long time...” I begged, desperate. 

Jungkook rolled his eyes. 

“You got shot... It’s not a playground scrape, Mirae....” Jungkook sounded exhausted. 

I nodded.

“ Whats going on with my father? Seo Joon was pissed off about something with my father....” I said, remembering the reason the wolf had been so pissed in the first place. 

“We’ll talk about this later- You need to rest and-”

“Just tell me damn it!!” 

Jungkook sighed.

“Your father got called out for trying to sabotage the vaccine drive going on on the island and he played the whole, ‘ why would I sabotage something my daughter helped make...’ card on TV. It’s had an effect....” 

I swallowed.

“What do you mean by effect?”

Jungkook looked a little angry now. 

“Can’t we talk about this tomorrow...you’re bleeding and hurt ...you need to fucking rest...”

“What’s going on...?” I demanded. 

“The weres don’t want the vaccine anymore. They think...well they think you may have tampered with it....” He looked uncomfortable and I couldn’t comprehend what I’d just heard. 

I stared at him, my jaw going slack in shock. 

“I’m not.... I have nothing to do with the vaccine...that is so far above my paygrade..I’m a lab tech..... what even-” I was too outraged to even think clearly. 

“People don’t know that, Rae. All they know is that they have always associated your father with bringing harm to the were community and somehow his daughter is here working on something that has the potential to both hurt and heal.....”

I bit my lips.

“He’s not even my real father.” I choked out. 

Jungkook looked surprised at that. 

“What?”

“It’s true. He adopted me because he raped my mom and she fucking killed herself over it. I was eight years old at the time and the bastard did not want any loose ends...” The words came out , bitter and edged with anger but it was an old hurt. An old rage that had long faded into a blunt sort of ache. I had been so young. Too young to fully comprehend 

Jungkook looked completely stunned.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry....”

“He wanted me to marry one of his anti-were associates . That's literally all he raised me for. When I refused , he cut me off completely. I’ve literally been on my own for years now and my job is the only thing keeping me from dying on the  streets....”

I hissed when the nurse touched my shoulder , the physical agony of my shoulder somehow intensifying as the nurse moved to finish dressing the wound. I would have to wear a sling next but I couldn’t even fathom moving,   let alone sitting up for that ordeal. 

The nurse gave me a slight smile.

“Your ribs are bruised again , this time its going to take longer to heal because one of them actually has a hair line fracture.” 

Great. That explained the woozy breathlessness. 

“It doesn’t hurt much...” I said confused.

“That’s because you’re on enough drugs to fell a horse...I’m actually surprised you’re still conscious.” Jungkook shook his head. 

“It’s just the adrenaline...that and the fear of being fired.” I muttered. 

Jungkook laughed a little at that.

“Don’t worry about anything. Just rest for a while and we’ll talk tomorrow , yeah?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to fingers in my hair, soft and gentle. 

My eyes fluttered open and I felt my breath catch when I saw who it was.

“Yuggie ??” I croaked out, my brother’s face coming into focus as I blinked back exhaustion.

“Welcome to the land of the living...” He said softly, keeping his fingers on my hair, stroking the strands back gently.

“What..... how did you get here so soon?” I whispered.

“You’ve been out for forty hours, baby....” He laughed a little and I blinked, 

“I....I got hurt.” I whispered bleakly. My shoulder was still throbbing and the pain in my rib was now a bit more prominent. I took a deep shuddering breath. 

“I’m glad you’re here.... “ I whispered, lifting shaky hands to hold his face. 

“Dad called me. He wants you to come back home.” 

I felt my entire body going cold, hands going clammy at once. 

“That’s not going to happen.” I said sharply and Yugyeom looked worried.

“He’s really upset , Rae. Kim Taehyung winning the election was not a part of his plan and he’s desperate to try and cover his ass before he gets carted off to prison.” 

I blinked at that.

“what do you mean by prison?” 

“We can’t talk about this here. He’s not allowed on the island. None of his cohorts are. So he’s been trying to get you transferred to a hospital in Seoul. Jeongguk was the one who called me. They’re holding off on the transfer but ....you know how dad gets.” 

I felt my head pound . 

“What does he want me for?” I whispered in disbelief. 

“I’m not sure. But I think you should at least go see him and find out what it is that he wants.”

I shook my head .

“I’m not going anywhere near him, I’m-”

The door swung open and I found myself jerking in surprise, the movement jostling my ribs and making me wince. I felt my eyes widen when I saw who it was, fingers scrambling to grab Yugyeom . 

“Dad...” He whispered, sounding terrified and I felt that familiar jolt of sickening fear . 

“There she is.... my precious little one.” My father’s eyes held no emotion as he stared at me, lips curled in a perfect smile. He looked so much like a good guy that it was nauseating. 

I took a deep shuddering breath. 

“the management here is terrible. I had to petition the fucking courts to get a permit to visit my own daughter.” He shook his head as he made his way over and I lurched away instinctively. 

“I’m taking you home now. Bout time you came back to me.” He smiled, chillingly and I shook my head. 

“No...thats not going to happen. I’m an adult, you cannot force me to...” 

“You are my daughter. And you will be my daughter till you live. Cha Eun woo is still single. He’s looking for a wife and you were promised to him a long, long time ago. “ 

“Dad.... she’s fucking hurt...she got shot like three days ago can you not do this right now...” Yugyeon had stood up, reaching out to actually shove my father away and he looked surprised for a second. 

He gave Yugyeom a glare but my brother didn’t back down, towering over my father easily. 

“Forgive me. I didn’t mean to sound insensitive but it just worries me that my only daughter is choosing to stay in an island full of beasts and getting mauled quite often . Isn’t this the second time you got attacked in that same cabin, by wolves?” 

“that doesn’t mean you can just offer me as a gift to one of your buddies.” I hissed. 

“He’s one of the richest men in Seoul....you should be on your knees thanking me for letting you so much as breathe near him.”

“Isn’t he a werewolf?” Yugyeom frowned in confusion. 

My father shrugged.

“I’ve since learned that your sister has a preference for them. Well if she’s going to spread her legs for an animal, better an animal I happen to hold the leash to....” He stared down at me with calculated cruelty. 

The crude words made nausea rise up in my throat and I almost dry heaved. 

“You’re not pimping me out to serve your own selfish purposes.” I shook my head. 

“He’s here. Outside. He’s going to stay here and he’s going to bring you back to his apartment in Seoul and you’re going to stay there with him. End of discussion. Yeom, I want you to come back to Seoul with me now. “

Yugyeom looked torn as he stared at me and I bit my lips. Yugyeom was still a kid, still in college. He couldn’t afford to antagonize my father.

“I’ll be fine. Go ahead.” I smiled. 

“I’ll send Eun Woo in.... “ My father nodded at me and then sighed. “ contrary to what you think, I don’t want you to hurt. I’m offering you a good life. Marry the fellow and spend your days lounging around in luxury. Thats hardly a punishment now, is it?” 

I turned my head away in disgust. 

Less than two minutes after he left, I felt a hand on my arm and I jolted.

“Mi Rae ssi.... I’m Eun Woo.” 

I glared at the man in front of me, barely looking at him. 

“I have no interest in being your wife.”

He looked bored at my outburst.

“I have no interest in indulging your  interests.  Your father is paying me handsomely to take you off his hands and that's all I’m doing. If you happen to be good at taking my knot, that's just gonna be a pleasurable bonus?” He pressed a thumb to my lips, stroking the skin in an almost gentle caress.  . 

A knock on the door made him pull away and I glanced up, relief flooding me when I saw it was Jungkook. 

“She’s going to have to rest now, Mr. Cha. Her father told me that he’s arranging her transfer to Seoul but that's going to have to wait for tomorrow at least. “ He was staring at the beta with narrowed eyes and Eun Woo bowed lightly. 

He shot me one leering glance before walking out casually.

“So...fiancee huh? You’ve been holding out on me...” Jungkook whispered thoughtfully and I flinched.

“Didn’t know he existed till five minutes ago..” I muttered. 

“Are you in trouble, Rae?” Jungkook looked worried and I hesitated, before shaking my head. 

“I’ll be fine. I can handle him. I just hate the thought of having to leave the preserve... even if its temporary. But I don’t want to annoy my dad right now... He’s... He can be irrational and i don’t want him to take it out on the Preserve and do something harmful to the research program itself , just to be petty.”

It was exactly the kind of thing he would do, too. My shoulder still had a lot of healing to do and it was unlikely that Cha Eun Woo would actually hurt me , at least till i got better. My dad, for all his anger was still rabidly protective of what he considered his. And i was definitely high on that list. 

“So you’re going then?” 

I caught the hint of disappointment in Jungkook’s tone.

“Aww....is my poor Jungkookie gonna miss me? If I weren’t sporting a broken rib and a messed up shoulder, I’d definitely, at least give you a handjob…” I waggled my eyebrows. 

Predictably, his eyes went wide , lips tinged fire engine red in a second. 

“Wha- Shut the fuck up, noona” He whined and I laughed. 

And then I sobered up when he sat next to me, linking his fingers with mine .

“I’m serious, Jungkook. I’m gonna be just fine. My dad’s upto something. If I stick close, I can at least figure out what he’s planning. I don’t want him to hurt you guys.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Right little firecracker his daughter is. So fucking pretty and man, those lips. I’d like to take a drink from that....” Cha Eun Woo gripped the shot glass hard, throwing back the whiskey with practiced ease. 

Taehyung struggled to keep his features neutral. 

“ Yoon Jae hyun’s daughter? From the preserve?” He had meant to sound casual but he sounded like he was being strangled. 

Eun Woo hummed.

“ Yeah....Her name is... Mirin....no wait ? Lirae? Mirae? ….. whatever. Poor thing. Apparently she has a tendency to get mauled by wolves too often. She was in bad shape when i saw her. “ 

Taehyung felt his heart lurch at that. He had wanted nothing more than to sink his jaws into Seo Joon’s throat, when he’d heard what had happened. If it weren’t for his abysmally packed schedule he would have rushed there as soon as he could. 

 As it was he had talked to a few of his acquaintances who were in prison. Seo Joon was going to go to prison and he wasn’t going to be coming out alive. 

“So, she just.,...agreed to marry you then?” 

“Not like she had a choice. The old man is going senile. Dude really thinks he stands a chance with his whole Reform Camps proposition. Wants to put weres in concentration camps.... What the fuck, are we in the middle ages..? He also thinks that betas are naturally resentful of Alphas or some shit. Kept feeding me crap about how you alphas want to subjugate the rest of us. Of course the fucker’s feeding into my Hotels and resorts so i just nodded along and agreed to his shit. Next thing I know he’s offering me his daughter in return to me being an ally in his campaign.. Figured I’d agree. See if i could get some inside dirt on him. I know you’ve been trying to bring him down for years, Tae...” Eun Woo gave him a reassuring smile. 

Taehyung felt a jolt of pride for the beta. Cha Eun woo had been a close friend of his from childhood and he knew he would never betray their kind. He had worked hard to earn his position as one of the biggest tech moguls in the country and he stayed true to his roots. Taehyung liked Eun Woo.

Admired him even....

But the idea of him touching Mirae.....

His claws nearly popped out at the mere thought of it. 

“And well if I get to fuck a nice little human bitch in the process, so be it right Taeh- Fuck!! “ Eun Woo jumped when Taehyung’s claw popped right out, shattering the beer mug in his hand and spraying both of them with the frothy liquid.

“Fuck...” Taehyung groaned and to his utter horror his fangs had dropped as well, his words slurring around the lengthened canines and he felt embarrassment flood his face. . When was the last time he’d popped a fanger in the middle of a fucking conversation....not since he’d been through puberty.

“Uh...you okay, pal?” Eun Woo looked worried now, beta eyes flashing green as he stared at him and Taehyung waved him off. 

“Be uh... Be careful with the daughter.” He muttered , trying to sound nonchalant. 

Eun Woo just waved him off. 

“Whatever , I know the type Tae. Likes a good, feral fuck from a wolf that knows how to give it to her good, you know?. Could smell her all over the alpha doctor who works there... Jungkook was it? Yeah... Girl gets around a lot, i could tell. And you can just tell that she’s going to be so fucking tight when you knot her you know, i mean human bitches always are but those hips just look like they-” Eun Woo stopped, stunned when Taehyung suddenly shoved the table away from him, hard. The older gripped the table and stood up on shaky limbs. 

“ I need to get going...” Taehyung fought the urge to shift, his wolf warring inside him, snarling at him to shift and leap across the table and devour the man across from them. To lock his fangs on the beta’s throat and rip his jugular out. 

 He’s threatening our mate...... He’s talking about what is ours....

The voice in his head was so clear and concise that he nearly blacked out at the very force of it. 

Eun Woo was saying something behind him but Taehyung was moving swiftly , stumbling to the bar where Jimin was taking one of the shifts.

“I need to go home...” Taehyung choked out. “ Call....fuck... Call my chauffeur.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pre rut symptoms....are you fucking serious...?” Taehyung growled at the doctor taking his vitals. the man, long used to Taehyung’s intimidatingly deep voice, merely hummed. The man had been one of his father’s dearest friends. And one of Taehyung’s most trusted confidantes. 

“You’re body believes you mate is around. A mate you haven’t yet claimed. It’s reacting to it.” 

Next to him Ji hyun was looking disturbingly excited.

“It’s not you.” Taehyung snapped at the tall woman who recoiled in shock. Taehyung felt momentarily bad but the truth was he had been trying to break up with Ji hyun for a month now. The model was just so shamelessly clingy it was getting to him. and he most certainly did not want her around if he was going into rut. 

What he wanted was a luscious, chestnut-haired human with ebony eyes and a scent like heaven. 

Fuck... he was burning up and his skin felt like it was stretched thin. 

“You need to leave Ji hyun. I want to talk to the doctor alone.” He demanded and the were bowed, moving out of the room quickly. Taehyung turned back to the doctor. 

“So what do I do?” He demanded. “ I don’t.... my mate died two years ago. “

The doctor sighed.

“She was not your mate. I told you that already. She tricked you. She was wearing your mate’s scent but it wasn’t hers...” The doctor shook his head. 

Taehyung growled. 

“I fucking know that..... And I’m gonna fucking bury Yoon Jae hyun into the ground for what he did to me..... But I need to have my senses about me if I want to do that...Him and his entire drug cartel is coming down.....But. That's not gonna happen if i go into fucking rut  now.. so close to me taking over office. So tell me how to fix this. “ 

“Who is the girl?” The doctor said casually. 

“What?”

“the girl who smells like your wife. Like your mate. Who is she?”

Taehyung sighed. 

“Its Yoon Jae hyun’s daughter.” He muttered. 

Dr. Lee’s eyebrows shot straight up to his hairline. 

“Oh no... do you think he .... again?” 

Taehyung shook his head. He had distanced himself entirely from Mirae just to make sure he wasn’t being pulled into another fucking trap. But so far , from what he learned, the drug did not work on humans. There was no way a human’s scent could be manipulated to fool his wolf.

And that meant that it wasn’t a trap at all. 

His wolf really did find a mate in a fucking human of all things. 

God, he couldn’t believe the sheer irony of this. 

“it doesn’t work on humans. It is her scent. She’s... She’s the one I want.... “ He groaned. 

The doctor chuckled.

“ You mean, she’s the one your wolf wants?” 

Taehyung frowned.

“Isn’t that what i said?” 

“No, you said she’s the one you want and it makes me wonder.....do you perhaps....care for the girl?” 

Taehyung shook his head swiftly.

“I barely know her...she...she used to look after Luna. “ He finished. 

“Luna...? Interesting. “ The man’s words carried a hint of amusement and Taehyung felt his hackles rise. 

“ What does that tone mean?” 

“I’m just saying.... You don’t let people watch Luna that easily. You’re fiercely protective of your daughter. If you let this girl watch her, you must trust her at least.” 

Taehyung sighed. 

“I.. of course i trust her …. she’s a good girl.  A good....person...” 

“ I would suggest spending your rut with her. Claiming her if she’s interested. With you being you, I doubt she’s going to refuse.” The older man’s eyes fairly twinkled, 

“I’m not knotting her when I’m on my fucking rut …” He snapped. “ I’ll likely break her in two. “ 

The doctor chuckled. 

“It wouldn’t be a very pleasant experience for her, yes. But ….there's no reason why you can’t make it enjoyable for her. “ His tone turned gentle and more serious. “ Listen to me Taehyung-ah...… There is a reason wolves mate for life. We are not meant to be alone. If your wolf has found a mate, he’s not going to let you function till you claim her. That's just the way our body’s are built. You need to talk to her. Make some sort of arrangement. You have three weeks at the most before your rut hits and trust me you don’t want to be alone when that happens. “ 

Taehyung felt his insides churn at the prospect. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No fucking shit.... You couldn’t have just told me that instead of letting me mouth off about her like that ? “ Eun Woo groaned , watching Taehyung with guilty eyes. 

Taehyung brushed him off. 

“It’s fine. I just.... can you just...keep her at your place till she gets better. I’m ...not in a good headspace right now and i don’t want to hurt her. she needs to recover.”

Eun Woo nodded.

“The doctor says three weeks and she’ll be fine. I’m a bit busy myself so I’ll just arrange for her brother to pick her up. Her dad’s busy meeting some suppliers. I sent the details to your men.... Did they get it?” 

Taehyung nodded. 

“The guy’s a bigger idiot than i thought. He’s actually met a few of these dealers himself. We just need one of them to ID him and he’s going to get locked up for life.” 

Eun Woo nodded.

“Everything by the book, Tae. We stick to the laws....no  bloodshed without cause and no one gets hurt. He likes to hide behind the fucking law when he’s trying to destroy our entire species , we’re gonna use that same ;law to rail him to the ground .” 

Taehyung grinned. 

“ Not just on the ground, Eun Woo. I’m gonna be putting him six feet under.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The recovery from my shoulder was surprisingly easy compared to the bruise on my ribs. Movement was difficult and it definitely hurt but my pain threshold had definitely gone up. It helped that Cha Eun Woo had stayed away from me and Yugyeom was on a three week break . We crashed out at his apartment and It was like being a kid again. 

We spent the days lounging by the indoor pool or playing video games. Yugyeom was a great cook and he liked cooking. 

Two and a half weeks after I had moved in, I was finally out of the sling. The physiotherapist visited me at the apartment and after making me move my hands well, she gave the go ahead to start my normal routine ahead. 

“I still want you to take it easy. Your ribs are healed and so is your shoulder but no roughhousing.... I’m only saying that because i know how it is i when siblings live together.” She smiled and I laughed, nodding. 

“I’ll make sure she’s resting well, noona.” Yugyeom said seriously. 

I closed the door as the doctor left, smiling as I watched Yugyeom trip over my sling on the couch, when the doorbell rang again.

Surprised , I turned back tot he door.

“ Did you forget something, Unnie-?” I froze in shock. 

Kim Taehyung stood leaning against the wall, looking like he had run all the way from his home across the city. 

“Taehyung-ssi?” I stammered out, taking in the untucked shirt, sweat drenched hair and flashing red eyes .

“I’m.... I fucked up.” He whispered, eyes fluttering shut. It took me a second to realize that he was falling and instinct made throw myself under him, holding my hands out to catch him. 

Pain shot straight up my shoulder as it took the entire brunt of his weight. The pain only lasted a second though, because Yugyeom was shoving me out of the way and grabbing the taller alpha by the waist.

“Holy shit....is this Kim Taehyung?” He looked awestruck as he stared at him and I felt my heart race. Taehyung seemed conscious but his breathing was raspy. 

I pressed my palm against his cheek and his eyes fluttered open .

“I’m... I need you.” Taehyung growled right at me. 

Yugyeom froze next to me and I felt my throat go dry. 

“I... sorry?” I squeaked out. 

“You...need you....under me... fuck...” 

“What the fuck, Rae?” Yugyeom hissed , face turning red as he tried to maneuver the alpha werewolf to the couch . 

I stayed frozen, having no idea what the fuck was going on.

Taehyung scrambled to a sitting position on the couch, gripping the cusions and he was paniting, his eyes wild as he stared right at me. 

“Mine.” His voice was ten times deeper than usual, fairly vibrating with power and Yugyeom went completely still. He was shaking as he reached for me, the terror evident in his face. 

“Oh, shit... Rae...is he....? Fuck , is he -” My little brother sounded terrified and I pulled him behind me. 

Taehyung’s eyes flashed red again and then they shifted to my brother. His gaze narrowed and his mouth opened. 

There was a split second when I knew exactly what was going to happen and I whirled around , grabbing Yugyeom and shoving him straight into the hallway leading to the front door.

“ YUGGIE, RUN!!!”  I screamed with all my might, and behind me Taehyung let out a vicious growl, pouncing across the room at my brother. Yugyeom managed to avoid him by a hairsbreadth and instinct made him move faster to the door but he stopped near the door looking terrified but torn. 

“ Rae...come with me,...come...” 

I stared at the alpha on the floor, my heart racing. 

Taehyung was clearly fighting against the wolf in him, trying to stay down, on his knees, fingers gripping the carpet to ground himself but the little growls that he let out told me that it was a fight he wasn’t winning. He looked up at me and there was so much pain and contrition in his gaze that I felt my heart break. 

“I’m...sorry...” Taehyung gasped out eyes fluttering shut. He was panting harder now, fingers clenched into fists around the carpet and voice ragged. i looked up at my baby brother and he looked so young and scared that I couldn’t stand it. 

“Its okay.... just go... I’ll be fine...he won’t hurt me... Just go...” I whispered desperately and Yugyeom shook his head.

“No... No... you’ve got to come with me... Rae...Noona....”

He never called me noona. I realized just how scared he was and tried to comfort him, but wary of going near him, lest Taehyung attack him again. 

“Yugyeom listen to me carefully. He’s on his rut. He’s not gonna hurt me, he just thinks I’m his mate. If you stay here he’s going to see you as a threat, so you need to leave..If I come with you he will hunt us down....I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself. You just need to go.” 

Yugyeom nodded, moving to the door and I turned back, feeling my stomach clench when Taehyung’s claws came out, tearing through our rug with ease. 

I heard the door shut behind me and I stayed perfectly still. 

Taehyung was still trembling and he finally looked up at me. Now that we were alone he was distinctly calmer. 

“I shouldn’t have come here.” He rasped out. 

I nodded. 

“So why did you?” I asked, staring at him as he stumbled to his feet. 

“You smell ....fuck you just smell like. ....like...”

“Like your wife, yes.” I muttered . “ So you want me to be stand in for your wife tonight?” 

Taehyung’s eyes shot up to stare at me. 

“My wife .... she worked for your father.” He choked out.

I straed at him, the blood running cold in my veins. 

“What?”

“Your father hired her.... to get rid of me. She... used a drug . A drug that confuses a wolf’s senses. Makes the wolf think he’s found his mate. Wolves cannot hurt or live without their mates. Its important to us.  She...She got pregnant on the night we mated and by the time I found out she was already carrying Luna and there was nothing I could do....I couldn’t...it wasn’t even a fucking bond.... I couldn’t sense her...couldn’t feel her...couldn’t muster any kind of affection for her but ... but she was carrying my baby and I just couldn’t bring myself to send her away......”

“Taehyung...” I whispered, remembering how Luna had talked about her father not liking her mother. 

“Its not natural for a wolf my age to be without a mate. But ....that scent ....I... I never picked up on it with anyone else till I... “ He sighed. 

“Till you met me.” 

“Till I met you.” 

I stared at the floor. 

“I’m not.... I’m not actually in rut yet. It’s still a day or so away. i didn’t want to come here but.... I’m supposed to be taking over the office in three days. When I do, I can finally use my position to bring your father down. He is using his drug dealers and suppliers to mess with our biology and its ...something sacred to us. Wolves mate for life and to make a wolf doubt his ability to choose his mate is the worst kind of sacrilege.....”

“What do you want me to do?”

He stared at me....

“If I go into rut and I don’t have.... my mate ...it’s going to fuck me up. I don’t wanna go into the gory details but I most certainly will not be able to take over the office. ” He laughed without mirth. 

There was nothing else to be said , was there?

“You have no right..... asking me to do this.....” I whispered , angry . 

“I know.... I know and if you say no, I will walk out this door and you will never see me again.” 

I laughed. 

“I think you came here because you knew. “

He didn’t respond.

“You fucking knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to you. “ 

His gaze was steady as he stared at me.

“I’ll take care of you.... I won’t...this isn’t a one night stand or a no strings attached thing, Rae..... You will be mine. I’ll be yours. “ 

“And yet, your eyes tell me that there is nothing you hate more, than standing here asking me to be your mate......” I said bitterly.

He didn’t deny it. 

“Will you come with me , then?”

I stared at his handsome face , the surreal beauty of it. And I thought of my father and how he wanted only to destroy anything that he didn’t understand. If Taehyung was going to bring my father down , I wasn’t going to be the thing that stopped him from doing it. 

“Let me get my clothes.” 

AUTHOR’S NOTE : IT WAS EASIER GIVING BIRTH THAN WRITING THIS FIC 

just kidding i love werewolf tae. Please let me know what you thought uwu

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair

Chapter 14: Unexpected Visitors

Summary: Visitors disrupt the Fraser household.

Read on AO3

Read chapter 14 on tumblr below the cut

Previous, master list, next

Chapter 14: Unexpected Visitors 

***

The next morning, Claire’s perfect tranquility was interrupted by a terrifying brring-brong. 

She jerked wildly around from her place on the “couch”, her heart racing in her chest, before she remembered the last time she’d heard that sound and Jamie had explained that it simply indicated there was someone outside. With cautious steps, she made her way toward the door and pressed her ear against it, listening. No sound of anything threatening at least. But also no sign of Jamie— who was upstairs in the shower.

Claire remembered the other day when there had been a man with something to give Jamie. It was probably that again, and if it was something important, she didn’t want him to miss it. 

Fumbling the odd shaped thing that opened the door, she tugged at it, but it wouldn’t budge. Then she spotted the problem and freed the sliding bit. After struggling with the oddities humans had for securing their place, Claire finally managed to free the door and it swung open. 

She was greeted by blue eyes— Jamie’s eyes— staring at her in astonishment. His sister. Claire had only gotten a glimpse of her the other day but there was no mistaking the fierce dark-haired woman that shared many features with her Jamie. 

“Who are you, then?” Jenny demanded. 

Claire was momentarily struck dumb. Thoughts of the last conversation— or rather, confrontation— that Jenny had with Jamie whirled in her head and made her feel dizzy. He hadn’t wanted his sister to know about her. But obviously that stone had been turned over, because here she stood in front of the woman, mute and motionless. She wished she could just disappear.

This whole being-seen-by-humans thing had its drawbacks. 

“Cat got yer tongue? Answer me! Who are ye, and what are ye doin’ answerin’ my brother’s door?” 

The expression Jenny was wearing could safely be classified as accusatory. Her eyes were narrowed, hands rested on her hips. Claire had to take a gulp of air. 

“Cat…?” Claire echoed. She glanced behind her to where Adso the cat was basking in the morning light— who very clearly did not have her tongue. Bewildered, she placed a hand to her mouth and shook her head, brows furrowed. 

She knew Jenny had said more after that strange human expression, but Claire was buzzing with anxiety so strongly that she couldn’t quite seem to remember. 

“Who are ye?” Jenny demanded, more slowly this time, clearly agitated by Claire’s befuddlement. 

A swallow. “Claire,” she managed, but she was unequal to the task of providing her with any more information.

Where was Jamie?

All of a sudden, Jenny shouldered her way past Claire and inside unceremoniously. It was only then that Claire realized a man was standing behind her. Ian, she surmised, based on what Jamie had told her after the last visit. He walked closer a few steps and held out his hand, saying in a pleasant tone, “I’m Ian. Nice tae meet ya.” 

Claire had no idea what to do with the proffered hand. She wasn’t inclined to touch strange humans and took a hesitant step back with her gaze fixed on it. She glanced back up at Ian and helplessly offered, “I’m Claire.” 

He gave her an odd look and then slowly lowered the hand. 

“Nice tae meet ye, Claire. Ye’ll have tae excuse my wife, she doesna seem to have any manners when it comes tae her brother.” 

Claire gave a shaky nod, unsure how exactly to proceed, and then simply stepped aside to allow Ian past her. 

Jenny was waiting for them, hands on her hips. 

“So I suppose ye’re the trollop then? The one from the fittin’ room? Ye’re the reason he’s been missin’ all this work?” 

Claire shot a glance over her shoulder, hoping beyond hope that Jamie would choose this moment to appear. But no one came to her aid, and Jenny was inclined to continue. 

“Well…” Claire wasn’t sure what a trollop was, but she understood the last part well enough, “I suppose. But-” 

“-I kent my brother was a fool, but to bring his little play thing into his home…” 

“Dinna speak of her that way,” came a low, menacing voice. 

Claire felt a wash of relief as Jamie appeared across the room behind his sister, already glaring daggers and squaring up for a fight. 

“Jamie!” Jenny exclaimed, whirling around to face him, “What are ye thinkin’? Do ye even ken this lass?” 

Jenny seemed to grow red, and— sensing the burgeoning conflict— Claire needed a retreat. She inched her way across the room warily, slipping around Jenny, and then pressed herself to Jamie’s side. He was also thrumming with tension, his gaze never leaving his sister and his full height utilized, but as Claire slipped her hand into his, he seemed to calm a bit. The red energy around him began to ease in the slightest. 

“Aye, I ken Claire. And if ye didna come in here rarin’ for a fight, maybe ye could get tae know her too,” he said evenly. 

Claire wasn’t sure she was quite inclined to get to know this aggressive woman. Jenny was still bristling, occasionally shooting her a dark-eyed glance. Still, anything that was important to Jamie was important to Claire, and he’d told her how much he loved his sister and her family. She resolved to give this woman a chance, but she still wouldn’t make a move away from Jamie. His hand was warm and solid around hers, and it calmed her spirit. 

“Aye,” Jenny acquiesced after a tense silence, throwing her hands up, “explain yerself then.” 

No one made any move for a long second. 

“What would ye like to ken?” Jamie asked, and Claire could tell he was trying to keep his voice even and light despite the obvious frustration humming through him.  

“What is she to you?” Jenny demanded. 

Jamie floundered at this. His face went red, and he glanced toward Claire, back at Jenny, then to the ground. “She’s…” he started as he looked toward Claire again, but he obviously wasn’t sure how exactly to explain the relationship. 

“He’s mine,” Claire stated simply to save him the trouble. 

Because how else could it be explained better than that? 

Jamie’s face went impossibly redder, and his sister’s mouth fell open. Jenny glanced toward Ian, and Claire felt like she was caught in the middle of a spider’s web of gazes. What was with these people and their non-verbal communication? Just say something already! 

“Well then, I’d better sit down,” Jenny said begrudgingly. 

She promptly sat down on the couch, and Ian followed, sitting down next to her. Jamie, in turn, walked over to the chair across from them. Claire trailed after him before setting herself straight down on his lap. 

Jamie jerked in surprise as she situated herself as always, twining her arms around his neck and curling up. She saw as his eyes went wide and the tips of his ears (having only just now faded from her last words) flared deep red again. She liked his blush ever-so much but wasn’t sure exactly why he was reacting this way. She’d sat with him plenty of times like this. 

“Maybe find yer own chair for now, lass?” Jamie whispered into her ear. 

She felt confusion and something like disappointment rise up in her. Jamie was hers, and she didn’t understand why he was embarrassed. But she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, so she quickly slipped off his lap. Grabbing a nearby chair, she couldn’t resist the urge to scoot it closer to Jamie’s. She needed him within arm’s reach. Finally, all was settled, and the only thing left was to begin the conversation.

The air felt heavy around them, and Claire’s apprehension grew. There was a pressure on her shoulders— she realized. His family’s opinion meant everything to Jamie, and Claire was suddenly overwhelmed by the prospect that Jenny’s disapproval could drive them apart. 

Needing the reassurance of his touch, she reached out and took ahold of Jamie’s hand. 

***

When Jamie had come down the stairs to find Jenny facing off with Claire (well, facing off wasna exactly the right term, because his puir faerie was practically trembling in the face of Jenny’s confrontation) and heard the things his sister was saying about her, irritation and something even deeper flared within him, and he quickly jumped to Claire’s defense. 

But the lass certainly hadn’t made things easy. First she’d declared him to be “hers” to Jenny, proudly and possessively, and then she’d sat straight down on his lap— making his sister’s eyes bulge and mouth gape. Jamie loved Claire dearly but needed to keep the situation in hand, so he’d quickly shifted her off of him with only a slight twinge of regret. 

Now, he sat with her hand in hand, ready for Jenny to launch in, as clearly his sister was ready to do. As much as he knew that holding Claire’s hand in front of Jenny would only increase his sister’s ire, he couldn’t dream of withholding that comfort from the faerie. Jenny had been studying their clasped hands for a long second, but then let out a sigh and turned to Claire.  

“How do you two know each other?” she asked, the veil of politeness over her voice quite obviously a front. 

Claire looked toward Jamie, looking unsure about what he would want her to say, and he hastily jumped in. 

“I met Claire at university in Paris. We kept in touch, and she decided tae come for a visit. She got in on Saturday.” 

Jenny and Ian nodded at this, and Jamie felt a sense of relief. 

“And since I’m certain ye’ll ask… the airline lost all her luggage, which is why we were at Mrs. Fitz’s. And no, we werena doin’ anything, I was jes’ helping her do up a zipper.” 

Jenny gave an eyeroll at this, but didn’t otherwise comment. 

“And how is it that you have come to be spending the weekend in sin?” she accused bluntly. 

“We’re no’ livin’ in sin, Janet,” Jamie sighed. His exasperation had almost exceeded tolerant levels. 

“What about what ye said last time?” 

“Last time I let ye believe that simply to make ye shut yer gab. I didna say I was sleepin’ wi’ her, because I am verra much no’. Claire is only stayin’ wi’ me.” Jamie was about a second and a half from kicking Jenny and Ian off of his property and not speaking to his loud-mouth, rude, intolerable sister for a good couple years until she’d learned some manners. 

While all these thoughts were rolling around in Jamie’s head, Jenny was looking pointedly at their clasped hands, obviously not believing that they weren’t sleeping together. 

“Well,” Ian jumped into the conversation before Jenny could make another ill-advised comment, “Claire. What is it ye do for a livin’ then?” he asked politely. 

Claire’s eyes widened like a cornered fawn, the poor lass. She’d never heard that phrase before, let alone was she prepared to come up with an answer of a suitable profession. Jamie quickly jumped to her rescue. 

“She’s a botanist,” he said as he gave her hand a squeeze. He could feel the flutter of her rapid heartbeat in her wrist and hoped the whole ordeal wasn’t too much for her. Stretching his thumb, he ran the tip gently over her pulse point in reassurance. 

“Still tongue-tied, lassie?” Jenny asked with a hint of a sneer. 

“Lay off, Janet,” he growled. 

His sister raised her hands in exasperation. “The lass has said barely a word since we’ve arrived.” As if that explained why she was so hostile toward her. 

“If ye continue to speak so disrespectfully I willna allow ye to stay in my home another minute,” Jamie said in a firm, severe voice. 

“It’s alright, Jamie,” Claire broke in, giving his hand a squeeze. She turned toward Jenny and gave her one of her mega-watt smiles that made Jamie’s knees weak every time. Astonishingly, it did not have the same effect on Jenny. His sister just sat there, cold as ice, gaze locked on Claire’s, without giving a single inch. “I know I’ve been quiet. I’m just nervous about making a good impression on Jamie’s family. I know how much you mean to him.” 

Jamie wanted to throw his arms around his clever lass. Never once had she been in a situation like this, and yet she was so quick on her feet to say the right thing in a tense situation. 

Ian smiled at this, looking back and forth between him and Claire, obviously seeing the palpable connection between them. 

Jenny, on the other hand, was not impressed. 

“Ye shouldna worry about makin’ an impression, lass. Ye willna be around long,” she said dismissively, even going as far as to give a derogatory wave of the hand. 

Jamie’s mouth fell open in incredulity. Jenny had been hostile before, downright rude, but this was on another level of animosity. He let go of Claire’s hand and stood with surprising force, scooting his chair back a couple centimeters with a loud skidding sound. 

“This is you comin’ over tae apologize, Janet?” he roared, “No! I willna have it. Ye’ve said more than enough. Get out. Ye may return when I invite ye and no sooner, and that will only be when ye’ve managed to pull yerself together and apologize tae Claire.” 

Jenny was standing now too. Instead of the deep red of shame that she should have been wearing, though, Jenny was just as riled up as he was. 

Things were escalating far out of hand. 

“Ye bring this lass intae yer life and disappear wi’ out a word, and ye jes’ expect me tae take it as if it’s the most normal thing?” 

“Yes!” he exclaimed in exasperation, “that’s exactly what I expect ye tae do! I’m 29, Jenny, and ye’re actin’ like I’m some 12 year old who brought a girl home askin’ if she could spend the night. I make my own decisions!” 

Jenny’s shoulders seemed to slump. Not in defeat, but in acceptance of the fact that Jamie would be doing whatever he wanted and she didn’t have the power to stop him. 

And she said as much. 

“Fine. Ruin yer life wi’ this trollop. I’ll see myself out. And dinna worry about me comin’ back uninvited, I’ll no’ be gracin’ yer stoop for a long while, that’s for certain.” 

Poor Ian had been sitting motionless the whole time, gaping up at his wife in horror. He occasionally shot glances toward Jamie and behind him to Claire, but mostly Ian’s brain was churning with the conflict he was being dragged along with, forced to be on Jenny’s side. As the brazen besom turned toward the door, Ian rose from the couch. He looked helplessly at Jamie, his brown eyes wide with apology, and then followed after his wife. Jamie didn’t even make to shut the door, simply listened for it to bang close behind them. 

The second they were gone, he turned to Claire, ready to face a teary-eyed faerie horrified by the vile that had just spewed from his sister, ready to offer comfort and apologies, but— to his surprise— he was met with completely calm honey eyes. 

“Are you alright, Jamie?” she asked before he could. She reached out to run a soothing hand up his bicep. 

“Am I alright? Christ! Are you alright? I’m sae sorry ye hadta endure that.” 

“It’s not your fault, Jamie. She was being unfair to you,” she said softly. 

Jamie shook his head back and forth, “she was bein’ unfair tae you! Listen to me, mo nighean donn. I’m sure she didna mean it. She’s angry and hurt because she thinks I’m keepin’ secrets, and she’s protective and brazen and rude. But I ken one day she’ll come around.” 

Claire looked a little heartbroken then. “I’m not sure…”

Taking a step closer, he took her gently by the shoulders, his hands dwarfing the dainty curves of them. His voice lowered to a tone of incredibly gentleness, “are ye really alright, Sassenach?” 

Her eyes lowered. “She just.. scared me,” she admitted with a shrug. 

Jamie’s wame clenched. Jenny was making his worst fears come to fruition. He hated the thought that Claire felt she didn’t belong in this strange world, especially in his life (where he wanted her to stay forever), and here his sister was saying those things to her face. The puir lass was completely cut off from her home, and now even his own family was trying to drive her away from the one shred of security she had. 

He could only imagine the homesickness she must have been feeling at that moment. The longing for the acceptance of her people— her family. 

Unlike his, who was making her hate the human world. 

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, “nothin’ she said was true. And I’m verra glad ye’re in my life, no matter what my pig-heided sister says.” 

Claire was staring at him deeply, emotion reflected in her eyes. A mutual understanding passed between them, greater than any words. 

Then, abruptly breaking the surreal moment, Claire asked, “what’s ‘pig-heided?” in a terrible mimicry of his accent. 

Jamie burst out laughing, doubling over in half-surprise and half-mirth. A stitch quickly formed in his side as his air ran out. Tears were pricking at the corners of his eyes as he laughed, a release of all the pent up emotion. 

“Have— do ye ken what a pig is, then?” he asked breathlessly, still heaving with laughter. 

To his delight and relief, Claire was laughing softly along with him (or maybe at him) and didn’t take offense to his hilarity. 

With a smile, she shook her head, answering helplessly, “no...” She let out a chuckle. 

“It’s a fat animal that spends its days rollin’ in mud. I’ll show ye one sometime,” he explained, his hands still rested on his knees in his doubled over position. 

Claire nodded in acceptance of his answer and reached out for him. Her wee hands slid down his forearms, raising goosebumps in their wake, until she grasped his hands and pulled him upright. 

He wasn’t quite expecting this, and the force of her tug sent him up and stumbling into her. 

Their bodies collided, and in an effort to keep her from going over, his hands grabbed her around the waist. He stomped his free foot down to regain balance and pulled her flush against him. He must have overcompensated, though, because they both went stumbling a step in the opposite direction this time, their bodies pressed completely together. 

They ended this odd dance with a fit of giggles, clinging tightly to one another as they finally regained balance. 

“Sorry,” she laughed. 

“No, I am,” Jamie chuckled, “but I think we needed a good laugh.” 

“We did,” Claire agreed, more softly this time. They were settling now, Claire looking up with him with big, soft eyes, and the mood shifted starkly from hilarity to something… intimate. One of her hands was pressed to his chest, the other holding on to his tricep, and he could feel nearly every inch of her against him. 

The silence spoke louder than anything, and he couldn't seem to the break eye contact that was quickly becoming dangerous. Every bone in his body screamed at him to kiss her. 

Letting go of her abruptly and taking a step back, he plunged them both back into reality.  

“Come now, lass,” he said hollowly, “I’m hungry. Care tae help me prepare some food?”

***

a/n: I forget if I added this note to tumblr last week, but there’s two more chapters to go in arc I-- ahh!!! I’m so excited (and nervous) for you guys to read them. Hopefully arc II will follow shortly :). Thanks so much for reading, lovely tumblr folks!

Next

[bonjour-rainycity]

Odin’s Ward ~ Chapter 15

Link to previous part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/639152911075672064/odins-ward-chapter-14

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Word count: 3182

Warnings: None

True age: Y/n: 1449 // Loki: 1575 // Thor: 1827 // Audunn 3213

Human equivalent age: Y/n: 23 // Loki: 25 // Thor: 29// Audunn: 51

Y/n’s POV

I bite off a piece of bread, if only to appease my hovering maidservant. Periodically, Frigga attempts to broach a talking subject, but I fear I am not a good partner for conversation. No, my mind is too filled with fears for my home, for my father, and, annoyingly, for Loki, who is nowhere to be found.

“Why doesn’t he dine with us?” The question blurts from my lips before I register my interruption of Frigga’s sentence. I apologize sheepishly, feeling bad for not only cutting off a queen, but a woman I greatly respect.

Frigga only smiles softly without judgement, seeming to intend to indulge my question. “He thinks himself too proud or too far removed from our family to be with us—no doubt as a result of the hurt he’s suffered. He sees his absence as a punishment for us when, in truth, it is a punishment for himself as well.”

I sigh, sinking deeper in my chair, the tasteless bread falling from my fingers. Ragna, attentive as always, takes this as an opportunity to put a bowl of bright red fruit in front of me.

“Please eat, My Lady.” Her care for me is what ultimately leads to me taking a bite. Bland, but I continue nibbling in order to ease her worry. In truth, though, I do not anticipate having much of an appetite until a significant number of my fears are assuaged.

“Have you any word from Odin or Thor? Or my father? It has been over a day since they departed.”

Frigga shakes her head. “With regret, I have nothing to report.”

Under the table, my leg begins to shake. “I hope they’re alright and successful in putting an end to the rebellion. My people cannot survive many more hours of this slaughter.”

Frigga leans forward, queenly authority washing over her words. “As a wife and mother, I worry for Odin and Thor. But as a queen, I have little concern. Asgard’s army has defeated much more formidable foes than your husband. I have no doubt this will result in a victory for Asgard and for your people.”

Her words and the conviction behind them do calm me slightly.

She sees this, and seems to seize on the opportunity. “But let us talk of lighter things. It has been over three hundred years since I last saw you. Tell me—how has your life been since your wedding?”

I exhale heavily without meaning to.

I have no desire to tell Frigga about the abuse from my husband and the scorn from Court, nor the stark isolation I feel nearly every day. So I decide to gloss over as much as I can, and relay only the good parts of my life in Alfheim.

“Our summers in Alfheim are very mild—barely hotter than spring. It makes for long, lovely days full of picnics and outdoor games, time on the lake, then perhaps a dance or two under the stars. Alfheim thrives in the night, you know. Our castle, our clothing, even our people are the most beautiful in the moonlight. Connecting with the people of Court has been a bit of a struggle, but the common folk seem to love me, even if they do not know me, not really….but they throw flowers outside my carriage when I visit the towns, and even named a library after me in the main village. It’s nice to feel that sense of community, even if I cannot be around it all the time.” At this, I look at my hands, not wanting Frigga to see the sadness in my eyes. Because, despite the clearly awful parts of my existence away from Asgard, there are bright, shining, beautiful moments in my life in Alfheim. These glimmers are what would get me through the day.

And they are what tear my heart apart now as I think of my homeworld being ripped to shreds by civil war and brutality.

Frigga hears some of what I leave unsaid. She squeezes my hand gently and places the lightest of touches under my chin, encouraging me to look up at her. “My dear, do not be saddened. Here you will find community in those closest to you, there is no need to be so isolated.” My heart, which had fluttered in hope at her words, quickly falls with her next. It seems everyone, even those I love and trust, see me as just a means to produce an heir. “It took Odin and I many centuries to conceive. And when nature failed us, another child came to us in the most unconventional, but no less miraculous, way. Alfheim lacks progressiveness, but Asgard suffers no such fault. In your own time, you and my son will produce the most wonderful child, I know that deep in my heart. But until then, Asgard will wait patiently. Do not let the fear of retribution mar your time here. And do not let your heart be weighed down with a desire unmet—everything happens in its time.”

Loki’s POV

The stone of the wall bites into my fingers as I grip it with unwise force.

Around the corner my mother—my very own mother—encourages the woman I once loved in her future quest to have a child with my brother.

A bitter taste grows in my mouth.

And although I know Y/n does not want to marry Thor—anyone could see that in the way she protested—there is real pain in her eyes.

Pain that I have caused.

I do not know if she aches with the longing for a child. But it’s not a difficult task to surmise the isolation and ridicule she has no doubt been subject to for the last two and a half centuries has weighed on her.

Preventing conception was her decision, yes, but I was the one who made it possible. I put the magic on her, effectively ruining any chance she ever had at being accepted in her home. And if she ever did want a child, but found herself unable, well, I bear the blame for that hurt, too.

It seems no matter what I do, I cannot help but destroy the lives of those I’m supposed to love.

I was so close to entering the dining hall and joining them for breakfast—the first meal I would have shared with my mother in over seven months—but I had heard the end of their conversation before making my presence known.

It’s better that way.

I do not know how well I would have reacted, had I been in their company upon hearing the conversation between Y/n and my mother.

The sound of trumpets interrupts my thoughts, and I teleport away mere seconds before Y/n races by.

Y/n’s POV

The news of Asgard’s victory is unfathomably welcome.

When I hear it, I can’t help but fall to my knees, releasing a shout of joy and thanks to Odin himself, a man I, in fact, really don’t care for.

Thor quickly escorts me away for what he calls a ‘debrief’, but I can see by the set of his shoulders it is more of a transition into spending one-on-one time in our new capacity as fiancés. And while nerves and resentment rattle my stomach, I follow him willingly, eager to hear of the path to victory and how Alfheim fares now.

He wastes little time. The moment we are in the privacy of the gardens, he speaks.

“Your father is alive and well, do not fear. His loyal guardsmen managed to keep Audunn’s forces at bay, though I fear it would been a different outcome if we had not arrived when we did. You did well getting to us so quickly.”

The compliment is unexpected and, I feel, undeserved. “All I really did was relay a message. I am quite thankful, then, to you, your father, and your army for coming so quickly to Alfheim’s aid. Surely this will cement positive diplomatic relations for years to come.”

A strange look crosses through his eyes as he looks away from me, choosing instead to squint into the sun. “Spoken like a politician. I see you learned much in your time away.”

I catch the edge to his voice. “You do not approve?”

“I didn’t say that, I only mean that it is…unusual in Alfheim for women to be so involved.”

I fight the urge to scoff bitterly. “I wouldn’t have called myself involved—Father and Audunn would have none of that—but I did pick up some tricks and knowledge in my three hundred years there.”

There’s a slight pause. In that pause, Thor seems to steel himself. I know instantly that I will not like whatever he has to say next. “I wanted to tell you, ah—while your father was successfully restored to the regency, we were able to capture and imprison Audunn rather than having to resort to killing him on the field. He is here, in the dungeons, and will stand trial tomorrow.”

My blood runs cold. “Here? In the castle? Why didn’t you kill him?!” The words come out in breathless gasps, and Thor takes a step towards me in concern.

“You need not fear, Lady Y/n, he is securely guarded. He poses no threat to your father or your people any more.”

Yes. I swallow. But now that we are in the same place once again, I worry of the threat he poses to me.

Thor attempts to continue our walk with lighter conversation, but I don’t pay him much mind. All I can focus on is the terrifying reality that, as long as Audunn lives, my own life is in danger.

Loki’s POV

When the moon is high in the sky and the air has turned crisp, I acknowledge the reality that I will get no sleep tonight.

Groaning, I fling the covers from my body and exit my warm bed, dressing quickly. As soon as I’m decent, I exit my chambers, heading straight for the library. I have plenty of books in my room, but nothing I haven’t already read. The library is likely to have a variety of unexplored distractions.

I enter the vast library and turn left, heading for the history section—one of my favorites. I round the corner and am met with a sharp gasp and the sound of clattering books as Y/n jumps back, hitting a shelf.

Surprise and self-loathing mingle within me. She’s terrified of me.

Without really deciding to, I take a step back, showing my lack of intent to harm her. “I apologize. I did not mean to frighten you.”

She exhales, lowering the shaking hands that had come to grip her stomach. “N-no, it is I who should apologize. I….thought you were someone else.”

I raise my eyebrow, buying time as I calculate the truth of her statement. She does seem to be relaxing. Now all that remains is the faint hint of embarrassment in her features. She even offers me a small smile, one that I find unexpectedly welcome. I decide to believe her. “Don’t worry about it. I understand your nerves must be frayed, given all that you’ve been through.” Flashes of what she must have experienced in the past four days come to the forefront of my mind, unbidden. Handled roughly, a dirty jail cell, a hit that would explain the coloring on her lower jaw, the fear as she sneaks through the castle, praying she goes unnoticed—

“Are you alright?”

There’s a note in her voice that suggests some of her apprehension has returned, and I can guess why. My body has gone completely rigid, my fists clenched tightly, and I’m sure I’ve just fixated on the nearest object with a death glare—I can only hope I didn’t direct it at her.

I try to recover the moment. “I’ll get those books.”

She hurriedly drops to the ground, grabbing novels at random. “Let me, Your Highness, I’m the one who—”

I sink next to her and smirk, for some reason desperate to dissolve this strange uncertain air between us. “Last night you barge into my chambers unannounced and tonight we’re back to the formalities?”

She studies me for a moment, looking quite perplexed. Then, she exhales a shaky bark of a laugh. “I suppose so.”

Fair enough.

I straighten, beginning to alphabetize the books and put them back in their proper place. She follows suit, working beside me in silence. I don’t miss the glances she gives me when she thinks I’m not looking. The looks are full of uncertainty, full of trepidation—she has no idea where we stand. For that matter, neither do I.

But there’s no use in finding out, the snide voice within me remarks. She’s engaged to your brother. You will have no chance to know her again as you did once, long ago.

But still, as since the moment she burst through the throne room doors, I war with myself.

I do not want to love her. I have no claim to her. Pursuing her would only lead to heartbreak, and I fear I cannot take any more.

If I were smart, I would push her away as I do everyone else.

I should push her away.

“Why are you in the library so late?” Her voice, stronger now, clouds my head once more and pulls me into conversation.

I have no desire to detail or even acknowledge my crippling nightmares, so I turn the question back on her, hoping to save myself the humiliation of admitting weakness. “I could ask you the same thing.”

She is equally eager to explain her reasonings, and quickly changes the subject. “I saw Lady Naerys this morning. Can you believe she has seven children?”

I chortle, and the sound feels strange coming from my throat. “But alas, not one of them fathered by a prince.” Without really meaning to, I take a step closer to her.

Y/n mocks distress. “But how will she ever become queen now?”

And just like that, we’re back on a subject we both would like to avoid.

I try to steer us away. “I admit that I was pleased when I heard news of your father’s safe return to the regency. You must be very relieved.”

But despite my efforts, a strange look takes over her face. “Yes, I am more relieved than you know.”

I press further, finding myself desperate to know what she’s thinking. “Audunn’s trial will be interesting. I estimate spectators will extend well past the boundaries of the courtroom.”

Again, I have misstepped. The color drains from her face and her hands immediately wring together in tight knots. It seems I have completely forgotten how to speak to this woman I once knew so well. “I’m sorry, I did not mean to—”

“It’s fine.” She cuts me off, staring at my shoulder rather than my face. She takes a deep breath, and when she speaks, her voice is hard, almost as if she’s willing the words to be true. “Soon Audunn will be dead. And all will be well.”

Something in her voice tells me that she is trying harder to convince herself than me.

The desire to comfort her is strong, but I am woefully out of practice. “I…do not see an outcome in which Audunn survives, yes. His choices were unfortunate, and put him at odds with the interests of two of the nine realms. Odin will not let that go unpunished.” I fight against a scowl. Because if anyone had been listening, they would’ve guessed I was talking about myself.

She surprises me with a tight smile. “Yes, you are right. This time tomorrow, Audunn’s execution will be set.”

Again, there’s that hard edge to her voice, one that wasn’t there the last time I encountered her. Whereas before it amused me, now it makes me feel sad. There’s no reason both of us had to be affected so by the world—Fate did that out of cruelty. Perhaps tomorrow after the trial, when her anxieties are further resolved, she will find some peace.

I think to the upcoming trial. She will be asked to bear witness, of course. But I worry of Odin fulfilling his duty to prepare her. I take matters into my own hands. “You know you will be asked to testify against him.”

“Yes.” The word is harsh, quick. But then she looks to the ground and stretches a hand absently to the bookshelf, almost as if she’s seeking some sort of comfort or reassurance from the touch. When she speaks again, her voice is softer, more vulnerable. “I find no pleasure in sending a man to his death. But I will speak honestly. Audunn dug his own grave—it is just my unfortunate duty to send him to it.”

I swallow, unsure of what to say. The last time I saw her, she spoke of no love for her husband, but this seems different…a deeper hurt, somehow. Part of me wants to ask what happened, but a larger part knows I haven’t the right. We are not lovers, we are not friends, and she is currently a married woman. When her status is changed upon the execution of her husband, she will immediately become the betrothed of my brother. So rather than risk hurt and vulnerability, I keep her at arms length. “I would advise you to get some rest, Lady Y/n. I have no doubt tomorrow will be a long and difficult day.”

She avoids my eyes as she curtsies and exits the library. Once she’s gone, I take a much needed deep breath. Something about her presence made the expansive library seem incredibly small, intimate. When she’d gone to curtsey, she’d needed to take a step back, as we had gotten quite close during our discussion.

With a groan, I practically stumble to the bannister overlooking the basement archives, gripping the wood tightly. Attachment to Y/n has never been a good idea, least of all now. But even after many breaths to clear my head, I still find that unwelcome feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling that nearly begs me to follow her from the room and pull her into my arms.

I slam my hand on the wood, startling one of the bookkeepers on the level below. Upon seeing who stands above him, he shrinks away, quickly gathering his books and scurrying out of sight.

That’s right, I think, bitterness bringing an unpleasant taste to my mouth. Run from me. I am dangerous. I am other. No one is safe with me.

Least of all a kind, wonderful woman who, even after hundreds of years, seems to hold the ability to ruin me in the palm of her hand.

A/n Hey guys, sorry for any mistakes! I proofread but I feel like I probably missed something because I’m tired. Let me know what you thought of this chapter and if you would like to be added to the tag list! What do you think of the conversation with Loki? How do you think Audunn’s trial will go? Stay safe out there :)

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/642883586082635777/odins-ward-chapter-16

Masterlist

Tag list: @80strashbag @dark-night-sky-99 @what-am-i-doing10 @chxrryycola @ravenclaw5606 @hiddlebatchedloki @jooordanharrrop @marsbarsboy @damondallysodapopstiles 

[mcsplaced]

𝖘𝖚𝖓𝖓𝖎 𝖉𝖆𝖊 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 . . .

Not everyone can say they’ve been to the Big Apple, but  [SUNNI DAE], a [FORTY] year-old [CIS WOMAN] has lived in [FLATIRON DISTRICT, MANHATTAN] for [TWENTY-TWO YEARS]. This is the city of dreams and [SHE/HER] knows it, because they came to NYC to be an [ACTRESS]. Living in the city means they meet all kinds of people, but everyone always seems to think they look like [SON YE-JIN]. They even got away with free cab fare once because of it!

hey, everyone ! here’s sunni. her about is listed here, her statistics are listed here, and her plotting page is listed here. if you’d like to claim any of the plots on that page or do some other plotting, shoot me a message ! i prefer discord, but i’m open to messaging on tumblr. my discord is limes#6826. give this a like and i will come to you for plots !

TRIGGER WARNING — child abuse ( mental ), mention of bullying, drug dependency issues ( namely alcoholism ), infidelity, abusive marriage, terminal illness

sunni born under the name dae eun-ha to an aspiring artist and a mother suffering from depression. sunni’s parents met in songpa-gu, seoul, south korea, where sunni would later be born, and quickly fell into a whirlwind romance. they would eventually marry a year before sunni’s birth. 

her father’s family had money thanks to his father’s possession of a chain business for restaurants and not long after the birth of sunni, her father was pressured by his wife to get a gig with the help of his own father. he landed in marketing after some training and the promise of an eventual degree. this pretty much drained the life out of him and he stopped painting, deteriorating into a shell of a man. 

( tw mental child abuse ) growing up was difficult for sunni, as her mother blamed her depression on the birth of sunni. she was a stay at home mother who was perpetually disappointed in anything sunni did and was neglectful due to her own dysfunctional marriage, mental illness, and trauma from an abusive childhood. as for her father, he never acted poorly toward her, but he simply wasn’t around. on the off chance that he did speak to sunni, he would spew hateful speech at her about society and the steady destruction of his life force.  ( end tw )

by the time sunni was four, the family was set up to move to los angeles, california, with the prospect of a higher paying job. this ended up being for naught as sunni’s father never really obtained a super successful job, only managing a small pay bump after years of working in los angeles.

childhood was rough for sunni as her parents would fight constantly over their class difference, financial issues, her mother’s general dissatisfaction with how their lives turned out, and her father’s infidelities. as a means of escaping her home troubles, sunni dove straight into the world of cinema. she found it easy to idolize specific actors and viewed a couple of them as her rightful parental figures. 

in school, sunni felt out of place. her parents had spent their money on tutors for a couple years ensuring sunni could skate by with her english, but she had difficulty communicating with others after a long summer with little practice or when it came to more difficult concepts. it wasn’t until junior high that sunni felt 100% confident in her english speaking abilities.

( tw mention of bullying ) sunni was timid and had extremely low confidence, and this caused her to be preyed on at times. the only time sunni was outspoken was in her theater club, where she landed relatively large roles within the production thanks to her passion for acting and persistent practice. as she grew into her adolescence, she finally began to see the flaws in her substitute parental figures. scandal after scandal followed the celebrities she idolized, and sunni couldn’t help but feel betrayed. ( end tw )

when sunni was sixteen, she began waitressing to save money for when she was able to move out. this paid off, and she moved into a small studio apartment in tribeca, manhattan, when she was eighteen. when sunni wasn’t working, she was performing in local theater productions. her confidence grew as she avoided exposure to a toxic environment and made a small group of likeminded friends. by the time she turned 21, she began bartending and made enough money to move into a two bedroom with a friend.

sunni’s life as a young adult was relatively uneventful until she was discovered by an agent at a show when she turned 23. in 2004, under the stage name “sunni dae”, she scored an audition for a pg family sitcom named the campbells. it wasn’t mean to be a big project, and after a couple auditions, sunni scored the lead role. 

( tw drug addiction ) not long after its introduction to television, it completely blew up. the show is likened to full house both in popularity and general vibe. though she started as a humble actress, the fame quickly got to sunni. her drug dependency issues began quickly after exposure to various substances at a party.

her drug of choice was alcohol, much like her father, and she began frequently drinking on set. sunni’s ego grew to be massive and she began treating others poorly because of it, unable to understand the woes of others if they didn’t pertain to her own life. ( end tw )

moving out of her two bedroom in 2005, sunni moved from tribeca to the flatiron district and top ( seventeenth ) floor luxury penthouse. this penthouse would later be what sunni calls the best thing she got from the campbells. in 2006, sunni officially changed her name from dae eun-ha to sunni dae. 

( tw depression, drug addiction ) sunni saw her celebrity idols smiling and happy in their fame, and wondered why she didn’t feel that same happiness. in fact, she felt isolated, bitter, and cynical; these feelings fed into her drug addiction. it didn’t help that her friendships began to fall apart thanks to her selfish behaviors and narcissistic tendencies. her parents were unresponsive to her fame, with her mother even expressing disappointment in the fact that she was a part of a show with cheap comedy and simple plot lines. ( end tw )

her career took a turn for the worse in 2007. toward the end of 2006, sunni began a relationship that would later turn into a highly publicized toxic marriage a little over half a year later. the marriage had multiple scandals and each news story plagued sunni’s reputation. this stain would follow her even into her forties, as she was considered a high risk individual to act as the face of a project.

it was also released at one point that sunni allegedly gave drugs to a younger cast member, though it wasn’t publicized which one it was. however, sunni wasn’t the only cast member who had public controversies. by 2011, the cast had racked up so many controversies that the show was cancelled, though it was given a proper ( rushed ) finale. in the same year, sunni got divorced, and thanked her lucky stars for the prenup.

after the campbells, sunni hired an skilled freelance investor to expertly invest her money for her; she would later be thankful for this as the few projects she did take after the campbells completely flopped. a frustrated agent would watch as looper’s inevitable “what happened to sunni dae?” video popped up after years of inactivity, though they did choose to stick by her side, as they had confidence in her potential. 

( tw drug addiction ) others did not see her potential, however, as she was simply “the lady from that old sitcom” in the acting world. to those who knew sunni, she was viewed as a destructive force with drug dependency issues and horrible interpersonal skills. she has had a couple relationships, but nothing serious as sunni’s partners eventually grow to acknowledge her toxic behaviors. ( end tw )

( tw terminal illness ) at the age of thirty-seven, sunni’s father passed away from acute liver failure. sunni thought she would feel something from this inevitability, but no out of place feelings came to her. ( end tw )

( tw assumed depression ) now forty, sunni spends most of her time inebriated and getting into shenanigans with new york locals. occasionally, she’ll still have a scandal that hits the news. she takes part in small projects, such as being the face of a bourbon or starring in commercials, but she’s actively looking for something to revitalize her career and give her life meaning again ( at least, that’s what she thinks ). ( end tw )

in the interest of learning more about things i may have cut out, feel free to check out her about page, listed above. you can also find more about her personality there.

[doc-pickles]

500 FOLLOWERS?!

What the heeeeell?! I am so grateful for this and so thankful to be apart of our Jolex community, because I would not be at this number today without you guys. I’ve truly found a second home in writing these two idiots, I’ve even found some of my closest friends because of this fandom.

In honor of hitting 500, I’m going to share this little fic I wrote. I was originally planning this to be for our Halloween challenge, but it didn’t end up working for it because I literally word vomited this out in like two hours. But it’s fluffy and it’s a fix it. Thank you guys again so much!!

xoxo Nina

the worth while fight

This is a state of grace This is the worth while fight Love is a ruthless game Unless you play it good and right

Kansas City Children’s Hospital. The sign in front of Jo feels like it’s screaming at her, the neon lights a warning signal to turn around now before she ruins everything. But she can't, she’d come so far and she wasn’t going to let her nerves get the best of her.

Pushing through the doors, Jo resolutely walks to the reception desk and up to the first nurse she sees. Settling a smile on her face, she asks the question she wishes she’d never have to ask.

“Hi I’m looking for Doctor Karev. Alex Karev… Chief Alex Karev. Please,” Jo tries her best not to seem crazy or stalkerish, she knows she isn’t but her anxiety is soaring as the nurse states her down.

“Do you have an appointment?”

Jo blinks confusedly at the woman. She didn't expect that, hadn’t really got any further than walking through the doors in the scenarios that played through her head on the plane ride here.

“I, uh-,” Jo’s stuttering is interrupted by an all too familiar voice coming from behind the reception desk.

“Jennifer, can you tell Doctor Weller that he has a-,” his eyes meet hers and his voice stops, Jo’s heart beating erratically as she takes in Alex for the first time in almost a year. He looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept well since he left Seattle, but his eyes shine just as true as always. “Jo. What’re you doing here?”

Her impending answer is cut off by a small cry, Jo’s hands instinctively reaching into the stroller in front of her to unclip the baby and cradle her close to her chest. She can feel Alex’s eyes on her, knows that he’s staring at her, but she can’t be bothered by it as she holds her daughter in her arms.

“Can we talk? Somewhere… private,” Jo’s eyes finally float up to Alex’s face, taking in his eyes that are glued to the little girl she’d just revealed to him. “Alex? Please?”

He snaps back to reality then, telling one of the nurses in front of him to cancel everything else he has planned for the day. Alex steps closer to Jo, grabbing the stroller she’d pushed in and leading her away from the prying eyes of the hospital staff. He leads her into an empty conference room, waiting for her to enter before locking the door and drawing the blinds.

Logically she knows she should start talking, but she can’t. Jo’s standing catatonic, eyes meeting Alex’s as they both stand in silence. She can’t tell if it’s overwhelming anger or the relief of seeing each other again or the elephant in the room, but standing here with Alex does something to Jo that she can’t quite explain.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

As if wanting to join the conversation happening, the baby in Jo’s arms lets a squeal out, tiny hands clawing at her mother's shirt as the squeals turn into cries.

“Sorry I have to feed her, she’ll start screaming if I don’t,” Jo doesn’t know why she feels the need to explain this to Alex, he’s the Chief of a pediatric hospital for god’s sake, but she doesn’t know what else to say. She makes a last minute decision to grab the nursing cover from the stroller before settling into a chair, suddenly feeling the need to hide from Alex. She knows she doesn’t have to, this man was married to her, but things felt different. She settles the baby on her breast finally, sighing in relief that her cries have quieted.

“How old is she,” Alex’s voice makes Jo look back to him, his eyes searching her face desperately.

“Three and a half months,” the answer brings Alex down into the chair across from Jo, hands running over his face in exasperation. “Alex, you-”

“You could’ve called! You could’ve told me Jo! Jesus Christ, after everything we’ve been through,” Alex’s voice booms around Jo, a discontented squeal coming from the baby in her arms. Alex lowers his voice, an expression of sadness overwhelming his features. “Why didn’t you call Jo?”

“You left Alex! You left me all alone and you couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the phone and tell me, you wrote me a pathetic letter,” she knows tears are pooling in her eyes, but she can’t hold them back. She’s been playing this conversation over in her head for months, practicing exactly what she’d say to Alex when she saw him again. But seeing him now, sitting across from him, the words slip out of Jo’s mind. “I was waiting for you to come back home so I could tell you, but you never walked back through the door. You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come with you. Did you ever think that might’ve been an option? That I would’ve followed you anywhere, Alex?”

The silence that envelops them is tense, Jo realizing that her words had rung true. He hadn’t thought she’d come with him, he’d thought that she’d choose her career and whatever else was in Seattle over Alex and their future. The thought nauseates her, a hand pressing against her mouth as she feels more tears drip down her cheeks.

“You didn’t think I would drop everything in my life to be with you,” Jo’s voice breaks as she stares at Alex, his head in his hands unmoving as he listens to her. “Damn it, you’re so stupid! I’m your wife Alex! That’s what we vowed to each other! I love you! Does that not mean anything to you?”

The baby at her breast unlatches and lets out a loud cry, Jo bringing her up to her shoulder and patting her back gently. The cries don’t lessen though, Jo thinks it’s because she herself is still bawling uncontrollably as she tries to calm her daughter. Alex stands and gestures for her to hand the baby to him, Jo relenting almost too easily. She’s so small in his hands, the sight of Alex holding his daughter for the first time sending Jo into another round of tears.

“It’s okay, it’s alright baby girl, I got you,” Alex’s voice is calm and sweet as he sways back and forth, his own eyes closing as he pats the baby’s back gently. “You’re okay, no need to cry.”

Through her rounds of tears, Jo realizes that she hasn’t told Alex his daughters name yet. She takes a deep breath, wipes at her cheeks, then raises her voice so that Alex can hear her, “Her name is Reese. I’m... I’m sorry I didn’t call but I couldn’t...”

Her resolve to speak ends there, instead Jo looks to Alex who’s staring at her with a look of sadness. He extends his free hand to her, pulling her out of her seat and into his embrace before she has a second to overthink anything. The comfort of being in Alex’s arms again overwhelms her, worry and fear melting away as he holds her tight against him. His other hand still has Reese clutched to his opposite shoulder and the moment feels like a long time coming for Jo.

“I’m sorry, about how I left you and what happened. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I should’ve talked to you and I’m sorry that I didn’t even think of you. And if I’d known...,” Alex pauses, his words halting as he presses a kiss into Jo’s hair. “I’m so sorry Jo. I want to make it up to you, I want to be there for you and Reese. I’ll split time between here and Seattle, I’ll do whatever you want. Just please, let me try. I don’t deserve that from you, but I want to try.”

Jo presses herself into Alex’s shoulder, giving herself a moment to relish in the comfort he’s always brought her before speaking again, “We didn’t just come to visit, Alex. I told you, I’d go anywhere for you.”

She can feel the pause his body takes as he processes her words. Alex leans back, eyes searching her own for any indication that she’s playing some cruel joke on him, “You’re moving? Here? To middle of nowhere Kansas?”

Jo wipes her cheeks once more as she nods, forehead leaving against Alex’s as a small chuckle escapes her lips, “The moving truck is two days out, I couldn’t... we couldn’t stay away from you and I know you can’t leave your other kids. We just decided to make things easier for you.”

The tears that come next aren’t from Jo, but from Alex as he presses his lips to hers. The salty taste of his tears mixes between them as Jo kisses back hungrily, the time and miles that had been between them melting as they come back together. They only break apart when a small burp sounds from the baby still resting on Alex’s shoulder.

“You... you’re beautiful just like your mommy,” Alex coos at the infant, cradling her in his arms as he takes in her features for the first time. “You’ve got my nose though, sorry about that.”

Jo never thought she’d get the scene before her. When she’d read Alex’s letter, she’d thought that she would never see him again, that their daughter would never meet her father. But despite the shit they’d been through, Jo knew at the end of the day that the one thing Alex valued over everything else was his family, the people closest to him. That’s why he’d almost gone to jail for her, why he left Seattle, why he’d stuck by her through everything. They had a long road back, but Jo knew without a doubt that her and Alex would be okay.

[presumenothing]

FICTOBER 2020 – PROMPTS #01 TO #05 – WTNV/FMA AU – GEN, NO WARNINGS

📻 PREVIOUSLY ON: episode one – pilot

.

“NO, COME BACK, said the spider to the fly, but we all know how the rest of that story goes.

“Welcome to Resembool.”

“TODAY, THERE IS THIS: a story about someone.

“This information is less helpful than you might think. All stories are about someone, in the singular or plural or uncountable. It’s what makes them stories, instead of disparate collections of facts and events loosely coiled about some narrative anchor.”

“HERE, THEN, are the particular someones this story concerns itself with – a man who is not large, and a man who is not small.

“Of course, this is only one way of describing them, and not even the one most people might use. Truth is not often equivalent to relevance, but for the purposes of this story it is close enough anyway.

“The man who is not large sits at a desk with a phone. The scene is not much different to anyone else sitting at a desk with a phone, and indeed not much different from his usual behaviour at all, except that he is frowning.

“This is, in turn, because his calls are not getting through.”

“AT THIS MOMENT, the man who is not small arrives. There is very little in common in the way of physical appearance between these two men, save for the possibility that if you ignore everything else about the situation, you might quite understandably think that both of their faces are made for smiling.

“Neither one is smiling now. The man who is not small crouches a little when entering the room, as some people who are not small are wont to do. No luck, sir? he asks.

“No luck, the man who is not large agrees, but not in a way that is frustrated.

“Or rather – it is true that he is frustrated, but that is not the most relevant thing. He taps his fingers, looks to the ceiling, and thinks.”

-

“WE CUT BRIEFLY AWAY from this story to the community classifieds.

“Item: Curtis Butchers is looking to hire an additional staff. The job requires comfort around cleavers and other large knives, but not butchery experience since you will find yourself learning rapidly on the job, and anyway that’s the easy part. What’s the hard part? Wouldn’t you like to know. To apply, head down to the store and challenge one person to arm wrestling. Who you choose will be the first part of your interview. Good luck!

“Item: Ice-cream truck found in the parking lot of Dark Owl Records, vacant but in good condition. If this is yours, contact Rebecca Catalina, owner of Dark Owl Records. If this is not yours, but you are interested, maybe contact her anyway. She has some interesting ideas about a joint venture of sorts.”

“AND FINALLY – item: Base to Phoenix, town square, ten o’clock. That’s… literally all this last sheet of paper says. No clue what that’s about, but doubtless the recipient must have understood the message anyway.

“This has been the community classifieds.”

-

“AND NOW, WE RETURN TO the story at hand.

“…so I figured it was worth a try, the man who is not large is saying to the man who is not small. I have a theory that– never mind, we’ll know if it’s true or not based on how this pans out.

“The man who is not small does not say anything aloud in response to this statement. The contemplative silence is uncharacteristic of him, or at least how people usually perceive him, but then again everything they are doing now is uncharacteristic of how people usually perceive them.”

“PERCEPTION, AS IT HAPPENS, can often be neither relevant nor true.

“He’s going to kill me if this actually goes through, the man who is not large remarks, in a manner all too cavalier for such a comment. Ringing him up just to talk his ear off.

“That didn’t stop you before, the man who is not small observes.

“The man who is not large laughs. It really hasn’t, yeah. But who wouldn’t be happy to hear my dulcet tones? Or, more importantly… the news of my beloved wife and lovely daughter!”

“THE MAN WHO IS NOT SMALL studies the stack of photographs that have been thrust in his face. She really is growing up well, he says, and this impression at least is true if not particularly relevant.

“Although it is very relevant to the man who is not large, judging by the breadth of his grin. You’re a good man, Major. Ever consider having kids yourself?”

-

“LET’S PAUSE HERE AND TAKE A LOOK at traffic.

“There is a woman. We will call her Emma, and I won’t tell you if that is her real name – or more accurately I can’t, for reasons that will soon become clear.

“Emma came to this town just over two years ago, bringing only her daughter with her. Old Woman Pinako, smoking a pipe on her porch near the car lot, would see her arrival and think privately that it seemed more like a fleeing.

“Then she would extinguish her pipe and come forward to offer assistance anyway. They would not form any kind of instant trust, because Old Woman Pinako had been right in her guess, but both are practical women, in the way that you tended to get when you are adjacent to someone who practices alchemy.”

“BUT THAT WAS THE PAST. This is now.

“Now, Emma listens to the radio, hears about the newcomers to town, and worries. Her daughter is older, now, and I will tell you nothing about her either, besides that she has brown braids and blue eyes and a smile like the sun. Sometimes, she plays happily with the dog that welcomes her at Rockbell Automail, like Den reminds her of a family pet she was too young to remember.

“Sometimes, out the corner of Emma’s eye, her daughter bears a different form, like she is not sure what shape she should have when no one is looking. Sometimes it reminds her of the shadowed shapes she saw in the basement lab, the ones her husband only smiled about when she asked, scared and desperate and furious: you did this? Is this also what you’re planning to do to me, to N–

“And so Emma wonders if she got them away from her husband quickly enough, and worries if the newcomers are looking to bring her back. If they suspect what her husband, the alchemist, had been trying to do.”

“THE GENERAL ANSWER TO ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS is that she did what she had to, and will continue to do so. The specific answers are yes, probably no, and no.

“The real answer is that none of these answers will be enough to reassure her, but at least they might help.

“This has been traffic. And now, the weather.”

-

-

“SO THAT’S THE WEATHER FORECAST FOR this coming week, but perhaps there was something you were more keen to hear about. A phone call, perhaps.

“Alas, listeners, I’m afraid I don’t much news for you on that front. You see, there are municipal regulations requiring enclosed booths around payphones to prevent undue weather damage to the equipment. As such, when the phone in the town square rang at ten, and a man stopped to answer it, there was a door he could pull closed behind him.

“However, the regulations say nothing about making the booth proof against eavesdropping, only rain, and so some parts of his words still drifted out anyway, stolen snatches of half a conversation: why did we let you choose the codenames? and yes, Eagle is fine, just itching to shoot something and I’ll report in as soon as I have something to–

“THIS LAST PART is said with forehead pressed against glass, eyes scanning the darkened streets outside, and presumably this is related to the way he stops suddenly, mid-sentence. A hurried murmur, too low to even guess at, and then he is hanging up and stepping out, pushing the door open.

“Who’s there? the man asks, measured in the way of someone who expects to be answered, and the words do not hang suspended in the night for long before a figure steps out of the shadows, hood drawn down around his shoulders.”

“THE MAN’S STANCE changes completely: he stiffens, and his tone is no longer measured when he says Marcoh? What are you doing here?

“It’s Mauro, the Sheriff replies, pulling his customary hood back up, and I could ask you the same thing, Lieutenant Colonel.

“It’s Colonel, actually, the man corrects, but not in a way that is actually meant to be a correction. I told everyone when we first arrived, it’s just for surveillance.

“The Sheriff says nothing, but the silence is loud enough anyway: that answer was unacceptable, try again.

“They’re planning something, and this town is standing in their way. Either it submits, or– you know what they’ll do. I can’t let that happen again, he finishes with an urgency that makes the words sound true, and relevant, and completely opaque to anyone else.”

“BUT THAT IS ONLY TO BE EXPECTED. This has been a story about someone, after all, none of which are us, and just because something is true and relevant to you does not guarantee that you will understand it at all.

“Stay tuned next for the crackling jingle of a blue truck parked by a records store, and the worried weight of a mother tucking her daughter in while wondering what will come tomorrow.

“Good night, Resembool. Good night.”

.

.

.

📻 TODAY’S PROVERB:

There are many things in this world worth an arm and a leg. If it’s not your own, at least.

(AO3)

.

.

happy inaugural fma day to me, and yes i’m celebrating it by putting out 100% self-indulgent content that is only borderline recognisable as fma because i can!! this also serves as a somewhat nonstandard fill to the first five fictober prompts, one for each section of the episode. i had to contort pretzels around myself putting some of them in, but it was a fun challenge anyway

this episode’s weather (which is arbitrarily decided by which 80s song is currently stuck in my head) was “eye in the sky” by the alan parsons project

characters introduced this episode, for those keeping score at home: maes as the man who is not large (who codenamed roy and riza as phoenix and eagle respectively for this op), alex as the man who is not small, curtis butchers as big rico’s, rebecca catalina as michelle nguyen, ex-mrs tucker pseudonym emma and nina as alive and well because to hell with shou tucker, and last but not least – marcoh as the sheriff of night vale, just because

[actionadventureactivator]

Hiking the PCT 2021 Announcement

Did you know that Kira and I started dating by leading an outreach where we backpacked to villages in Nepal to rebuild homes after the earthquake?

Maybe you saw my wife’s post in Feb, maybe you didn’t. She expands on how in the simpler world of pre-2020 we “set a goal to hike the Pacific Crest Trail in 2021. A 2,650 mile trail spanning from Mexico to Canada through California, Oregon, and Washington. Hiking this trail has been a dream of mine for the last 4 years or so and I convinced Brook that we HAD TO DO IT SOMEDAY. ”

Well, its now 2021 and we’ve hit some big milestones. Big birthdays, anniversary, yadda yadda yadda. Also I have been doing ministry in the same Org since 2012 in WI (that means next year could be 10 years in the Midwest 🤯). And though it has been overall good to or for me, I still desire more. I want to live a radical life, at least the way I live: live it with a radical emphasis. Whether its the international trips with my ministry, evenings at the skate park or BBQing, radically loving and caring for the family we create soon enough, or radically being present to God and others at a simple beach town or rural mountain town. One way to keep this emphasis in my life was agreeing to pursue a radical dream of Kira’s while it was still more attainable. They say “it’s best to act it out and understand it” - so I’m acting it out. Additionally it happens to be a good time to take a step back to:

Rest and recover physically (well, maybe), emotionally and spiritually

Reflect and refocus for the future

Realign to the vision God has given us

We will not be doing the whole thing, but we do hope to do at least half of it, maybe over 2,000 miles! We will be going from LA through the High Sierra and into the Cascades and as far north as we can accomplish within the time frame, budget and physical ability. Possibly walking all the way back to our car we’ll be leaving with my parents in WA.

I have been thinking about how this hike is not only a physical pilgrimage from Southern California into Oregon, but how it also feels like a special Pilgrimage with God. This trip feels pretty symbolic in a lot of ways.

Let me get a little philosophical. When preparing for a backpacking trip, you have to sort through a lot of gear and decide what you are bringing and what you are leaving behind. You can’t bring everything, your backpack is only so big and your legs and feet so strong. You really have to PRIORITIZE and MINIMIZE EVERYTHING. Everything you bring needs a purpose, or else it gets left behind. The items that I choose to bring had to be carefully considered, weighed, or modified. I cut down my toothbrush not to only save half an ounce, but make it fit better in a zip lock bag. The items, food, and water I choose to carry with me will be a burden on my shoulders, hips, and feet. I'm contemplating not only what gear I choose to leave behind, but also what aspects of life now will I cut off or leave behind? I will leave behind the burden of my car and it’s expenses. I won't have the distractions of Netflix or Youtube in the evening. Communication will be minimal as we will not have service for days at a time. I will only have Kira, the wilderness, and its creator. Kind of like Eden….just my wife, God and creation. I need to carefully consider every piece of gear that I will bring or leave behind, and I need to do the same to my mind and heart. What is good to carry with me? What is not? What is a burden? What will I learn to embrace or re-embrace? What will I let go of? What will I learn in packing and unpacking myself and my things? What all will I bring with me on trail, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually? How will I protect this journey with God? We want to disconnect from the internet, media, pandemic life, emails, work and be intentional to declutter and prioritize not only our backpacks but also our minds, hopes, dreams, and goals as we prepare for and go on this long hike. As I prioritize and minimize my gear and my mind, I also look forward to simplifying. My meals, joys, daily activity, and routine will be really simple. Wake up, eat something, pack up camp, hike, snack, siesta, take pictures, enjoy beauty, get really cold, really wet, really hot and dirty for days on end before I walk into town and get a motel for a night. This will be a fun outdoor adventure, but I think God has so much more for us than just that. I believe it will be a significant pilgrimage with God on many fronts.

I believe God is inviting the two of us to get out, be inspired, lay everything down, and unpack stuff in our relationship with him, with each other, and with our lives. I like how Matthew 11:28-30 in The Message captures this thought:

“Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out on religion?  Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. This is a time to quiet the noise of life and hear the voice of Jesus.”

It's crazy to consider how even God himself in the form of man, went out and would spend time alone in the wilderness, even for 40 days at a time. That's a lot of time with your thoughts and God. God invites us to go out with him, to learn what real rest looks like and to show us the unforced rhythms of grace. He doesn't have for us heavy burdens or loads, but a light and free way of life. And in spending this time with him, we quiet the noise of life and hear his voice. It's lot of time to clear the cobwebs out of your head and heart. I really am looking forward to this trail.

We will fly to LA on May 19th, start the trail on May 20th, and see how far north we make it. We are aiming for Crater Lake (1,300 miles) or Bend, Oregon (1,500 miles) or all the way into WA. Who knows?

In dreaming about and preparing for this trip over the last 2 years, we have been working extra hard to make it happen. We have been blessed by the generosity of others as well as different job opportunities that will help us cover the cost of the trail and bills back home.  If you would like to contribute to our trip there are a few different ways you can do so:

Care packages: we will be able to receive mail as we pass through the towns along the trail. If you want to send us a package, let us know and we can give you more details of where to direct it!

Finances: like we shared above, we have worked hard to cover our trail costs! However, finances are always helpful and appreciated!

Meet up with us: if you live nearby or happen to be passing through the areas we are hiking in, we would love to meet up and grab lunch and tell you all about our adventures 😉

[raendown]

Last couple days were posted one a sideblog but we’re back to main for day 5 of @narutorarepairweek​. Today’s prompt is arranged marriage.

Pairing: ShinoKarin Word count 3359 Rated: G Summary: The war left them all tired and she was far from the only one who had no other place to go. When offered a second chance Karin takes it. It's not the life she asked for, not the life she wanted, but time marches on and the places we stay have a way of becoming home when we least expect it.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

The After Wife

Karin had never given much thought to her wedding day. Even in the sad year she had spent following Sasuke around and mooning over his every word there had been a voice in the back of her mind that knew it would never happen, never let her fantasies go beyond the now. If she had ever given the occasion any thought she liked to think that this was not what she would have imagined. 

The little girl deep in her heart cried out that she deserved better than a perfunctory informal ceremony alone in the Hokage’s office, no uchikake but the white dust of travel staining her clothing and no attendants but the two council members standing witness. She deserved more than marrying a man she barely knew the name of to secure herself a home in a place that didn’t want her. And yet here she stood while the Godaime Hokage spoke the bare minimum phrases needed to bind her future to another. 

What else was new?

As shitty as the situation was, however, there were several different points which stayed her tongue and stiffened her muscles against the urge to flee. Naruto was the first and biggest reason. The only person who had ever looked at her and truly wanted to know her. He was family, distant and far removed, but a blood relation. She hadn’t known any family since the last of her own gave their life to save another in the depths of Kusagakure. From that day on she had been nothing but an asset, an advantage. Yet Naruto looked at her and saw only the bond he hoped might someday grow between them. The siren call of affection given so freely was embarrassingly difficult to resist after the life she had led.

The second reason that held back the barbs at the edge of her tongue was the idea of rest. Simple and plain, Karin was tired of running. Tired of living her life uncertain of where her steps would take her next and tired of fighting for her right to stay in one place long enough to put down even the weakest of roots. Working for that snake Orochimaru hadn’t been pleasant but it had been the closest thing she could remember to having a place to go back to. Konohagakure had offered her a home and Karin, reluctant and full of pride, wanted so badly to open her hand and accept that offer. Wanted it to be possible more than she was willing to let any of these people know. 

Her third reason was much less optimistic than the other two. Her actions during the fourth shinobi war and in the years leading up to it had branded her a criminal. By all rights she should have been left to rot in the jail of whichever village won the right to punish her first. Instead Naruto had campaigned for her release along with several others on the condition they be rehabilitated. This was far and away the best possible option, the road which led to the least misery in her future. So while she was of the private opinion that whoever decided her rehabilitation should include being married off to a clan head was losing their marbles Karin had decided, after much thought, that resistance could only hurt her now. 

She didn’t really have many expectations for what married life would be like, not having known her husband until they were corralled in to a room together and legally bound, yet Aburame Shino somehow managed to subvert them anyway. Right from the start she was handed surprises as she learned that not only was Shino unperturbed to be married away to a stranger, he had actually volunteered. 

“I find this to be a good solution,” he’d told her. Then he must have seen her naked confusion as he quickly added, “Why? Because my elders had been asking me to find a wife for years now and you need a home. This is a good thing for both of us.”

Karin honestly hadn’t known what to say to that but she was grateful not to deal with someone angry at the very sight of her. His honesty had set the tone for a surprisingly harmonious coexistence. Although they did sleep in the same room Shino easily agreed to separate futons and never once asked more from her than she was willing to give, not even so much as a kiss. They ate their meals together and he complimented her cooking when it was her turn to do so but for the most part they spent their days entirely separate as he went about his business and left Karin to hers.

That wasn’t to say they never spent any time together, although it took the better part of a year for her to even realize that he was doing so. Shino was an unassuming man. Enough so that it was all too easy to underestimate just how subtle and sneaky he could be. It never occurred to her to question the nights he chose to stay in at home, choosing a book and settling in the library where she also spent most of her evenings. She thought little of the absent questions that more often than not drew her in to long conversations before one or both of them yawned their way to bed. Nothing about their situation seemed out of the ordinary until she ran in to Sakura while working at the hospital as part of the mandatory community service that was a condition of being allowed to stay in the village, greeting her one time rival for an undeserving man’s love with a cautious hello. Sakura’s smile for her was surprisingly warm. 

“How’s married life been?” the other woman asked. “I don’t see Shino around much these days. Or anyone, really. I’m so busy here!”

“Life’s fine.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth Karin realized that she meant them and that was enough of a shock that Sakura was able to chatter over her for several minutes, going on about a bunch of people she honestly didn’t care about. Just because they were Shino’s friends didn’t mean they were hers. He was smart enough not to force her to socialize when she didn’t want to – and since she knew the general opinion most people had of her here she really didn’t want to socialize with most of them. 

When Sakura started bemoaning how their busy lives kept her and Naruto apart most days and how they didn’t get to spend much time together Karin rolled her eyes. 

“Seriously? The two of you married for love and I see more of my husband than you do yours?”

The other woman looked at her strangely. “Really? The last I heard of him Shino was screaming busy helping Iruka-sensei overhaul the academy curriculum. Oh but that’s so sweet that he still makes time for you! I’m ashamed to say I never expected he would make such a good husband.” 

“A-ah…”

“Sakura-sensei! Come quick! It’s Yuzuki-san!”

“Oh! I have to run!” Sakura turned on her heel and dashed off towards wherever that voice had called from. “Let’s talk again soon!” 

Karin didn’t even bother to wave. Her head was spinning, hands lifting on muscle memory as she went back to her own work scrubbing floors in a daze. It wasn’t like she ignored Shino when he spoke to her. She listened very carefully. But she’d never realized that he was quite so busy, enough so that he needed to consciously make the time to come and sit with her in the quiet library where sometimes she didn’t even bother to engage his attempts at conversation. 

Community service brought her all over the village doing all sorts of different jobs so there was really no telling what time she would be heading home on any given day. By some kindness of fate it just so happened that she finished today a little before the academy would be letting their students go from final classes. With shame and embarrassment roiling together until she was able to translate them in to indignation, Karin set her feet marching along a path she had only ever walked the one time she was asked to clean out some old classrooms. The closer she got the easier it became to ignore the thousands of chakra signatures around her and focus in on the one she had come to associate with calm and safety without even knowing she was doing so. 

She didn’t really have a plan. Karin had always been a woman of emotion and right now her emotions were telling her to go confront her husband. She would figure out what exactly she was confronting him about when she got there. Or that was her line of thinking until she paused halfway across the grassy yard, catching sight of him through an open window and drifting over like a magnet to a lodestone. 

Despite the utter chaos of children up and moving about the room seemingly without order Shino stood by the front with a contented smile underneath the visor he wore to protect his eyes from bright lights. With both arms in the air he directed his students like a conductor, voice ringing out his instructions with confidence. 

It was a side of him that she had never seen before – or rather that she had never taken the time to see. Shino had taken her in and given her a home, played the part of accommodating husband more perfectly than she could have ever hoped for, and Karin could only think that all she’d given him in return was a few measly conversations whenever she felt like making the effort. Not once had she ever considered whether he might just want to talk after a stressful day. Sure there were other people he could have gone to and she’d assumed all along that’s what he would do but if he chose to seek comfort in her, the wife who was meant to share his life and home? He deserved better than she gave him. He'd certainly given her better in turn.

Whatever energy had brought her marching across the village drained away as she watched her husband at work for the first time. She was almost disappointed when the bell rang and he began to herd the children towards their cubby holes at the back of the room for boots and coats, calling instructions for the night’s homework over the noise. His gaze hadn’t even once strayed towards the window and for a few moments she wondered which exit she would have to meet him at as he left for home. Following his chakra wouldn’t exactly be hard. Then his head turned sideways to look directly at her without warning and Karin was ashamed of the squeak that slipped out between her lips. 

Beetles. She’d forgotten about the beetles, thousands of eyes watching the world on his behalf. 

He tilted his head but without being able to see the eyes behind his visor Karin was left with nothing but the flavor of curiosity in his warm signature, rooted to the spot while he picked his way across the room to stand on the other side of the open window with hands folded behind his back.

“What brings you here?” he asked in his quiet, unassuming voice. 

“I…oh. Should I not have? Do you have work left?” Not having been granted the honor of actually attending the academy in her own home village, she realized suddenly that she had very little idea of what a typical day’s schedule might include for either the students or the teachers. Thankfully Shino looked anything but irritated. It took quite a bit to irritate him, actually, something she had appreciated from the very beginning. 

“Yes I have much left to do. Why? Because the children handed in two different assignments today that require marking.” His head tilted ever so slightly again before going on. “If you would prefer, I can finish such work at home.” 

Karin shifted her weight and looked away, uncomfortable. What right did she have to ask anything of him? Yet still she heard her own voice answering as quietly as she hadn’t heard herself in years. “Yes. I would prefer you to come home. Please.” 

Obviously both of them knew that she had tacked on that last bit as no more than an afterthought. Manners were hardly second nature to her. The last thing she had worried about growing up was learning how to be proper and polite, not when she’d been taught that the way to get something out of life was to be tough and strong, to demand whatever attention and respect she felt she deserved. Life in Konoha hadn’t exactly gained her much respect and the last thing she usually wanted these days was anyone’s attention.

With Shino that was different. Feeling his eyes on her was not a weight she needed to bear up under but a blanket of warmth against the often cold realities that had been her life so far. He was a break against the wind, a mercy, a place to rest. Until that moment staring at him through an open window Karin hadn’t truly understood how much she’d come to think of him as home. Not just that he had given her one but that he, the man, the husband, had become the home she wanted to come back to. It was not a revelation she was prepared to confront. Thankfully he didn’t seem as though he required any explanations at the moment. Even as her thoughts spun and the earth seemed to tilt beneath her feet Shino was nodding and turning to gather the piles of messy assignment papers from his desk, sealing them all in to a single scroll before heading back towards the window.

“May I walk with you?” he asked.

“I…yes?” It seemed a silly question. They were going to the same place, after all. Refusing him would mean walking along the same path anyway but keeping a few paces between them and the very idea of it was ridiculous. 

Still, her answer seemed to please him. The smile that curled his lips this time was the sort of soft contentment he usually wore in the evenings as they whiled away the evening shadows in light conversation. Karin was ashamed to admit that it took until they were halfway home, turning from one deserted pathway down another, that she understood his question. 

“Were you flirting with me!?” she demanded, almost proud that he didn’t so much as flinch at her sudden outburst. Of course she was also immediately infuriated that he didn’t have the decency to blush along with his simple nod.

“I was.”

“Have you done that before!?”

“I have.”

“When!?”

Shino hummed like he was counting the moments she had inexplicably missed. “Often.”

It was almost offensive how calm he remained while she spluttered and choked on her own surprise. The rest of the walk home was stiflingly quiet. A truly staggering amount of thoughts chased each other through her mind but none of them were able to stick for very long before getting chased away by several more. Karin’s emotions were in a right mess when they made it home, confused and muddled and twisted in a way unlike anything she’d ever felt before. Shino led them in to the library and paused next to his usual seat with a serene air. It wasn’t until he reached up to remove the visor shielding his eyes from the outside world that finally words began to tumble over each other past her lips. 

“You flirt with me?” Her tone was a question but she had barely let him nod before she was going on. “I don’t get it. Why? You didn’t want to marry me, you just wanted someone to make your clan elders shut up and leave you alone and I just wanted a–” A home. The word stuck in her throat but he seemed to understand. 

“Does it bother you?” 

“N-no, don’t be stupid. Why would it bother me? It’s just…flirting.” Never in her life had she heard her own voice sound quite so unsteady. 

Shino’s dark, multi-faceted eyes blinked slowly. “Why? Because we are married and I have come to enjoy your company. Because you are my wife and you deserve to be cherished as a wife should be. Because your laughter is hard to earn and all the more precious for it. That is why.” 

“Oh,” Karin breathed. “Oh.”

In the time since she had come to this place she had felt like many things. A pretender, unwanted, unneeded, bored, caged, yet despite all those content was much more frequent as of late. Shino’s quiet words rocked her as for the first time she felt something she hadn’t before, not in all the years she spent clawing and scratching out a place for herself in the cruel uncaring world. She felt like a woman. Desired. Wanted for no reason other than her own merits as a human being. 

“Do it again,” she demanded softly and it made Shino smile. 

“You wish for me to flirt with you?” When she nodded stiffly he echoed the gesture with a serious air. “Very well. Shall I tell you how beautiful I find you? How the scent of you fills our home and eases away all worries of the world outside? Should I tell you that this life we have together is a happy one that I am grateful to have been gifted with?”

“By the kami, I didn’t expect you to lay it on so thick!” Karin covered her face with both hands, mortified to realize her cheeks were warm. 

“Ah, my apologies. I sought only to fulfil my wife’s request.”

It took a minute or two before she had collected herself enough to peek out between her fingers but when she did her gaze was as contemplative as his was amused. The shock that had flavored every emotion since her conversation with Sakura faded enough at last that she was able to think past it to possibilities that she could have never imagined before. 

“Fulfill my request huh?” Slowly letting her arms fall to her sides, Karin took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. “Well then I have an actual request for you. Um…dinner. If- if you’re going to do this backwards and court me after we’re already married then you should at least do it right. Taking me out to dinner would be a good start.” Though her cheeks felt like they had caught fire Karin stubbornly kept her chin up to watch the curl of Shino’s lips, something deeply content settling in the eyes he showed to so few people. How long had he been falling in love without her noticing? 

“Dinner would be my pleasure,” he replied simply. 

It would also be hers, she was startled to realize. This wasn’t the fairy tale most girls dreamed of but Karin wasn’t quite as surprised as she should be finally coming to terms with the fact that perhaps this life wasn’t really so bad. Perhaps her husband wasn’t the only one that she hadn’t noticed getting attached. 

When she pulled her chair over to sit a little closer that night Shino said nothing about it. And when they went to bed and he held out a hand she laid down to sleep on the same futon as her husband for the very first time without saying a word herself. Their marriage might have been arranged but it was odd to think that the relationship between themselves was only theirs to define. Karin couldn’t remember the last time she’d been handed such control over her own future. 

She’d never given much thought to her wedding day but maybe it was time she started thinking about how she wanted to love the rest of her life. If she was allowed her say then it was going to be happy. 

[curtisandlewis]

ML Relationship through the Perspective of a Fanfiction Writer

Listen to the Spotify playlist I made as an auditory companion

For their anniversary I would like to discuss from my perspective as a writer of fanfiction the many layers of ML’s relationship

Onions have layers as well as cake! I learned that from Jerry’s friend Eddie Murphy.

We all know how much the boys love cake…

Layer One Partnership

I wouldn’t be writing fanfiction about two guys who worked at a gas station. Their act is the reason we know about them and celebrate them today. What all of America saw was two men equally skilled at their art (though many were too stupid to realize), both in awe and each other’s biggest fan. What was not presented to the public was the communication it took to pull off their act. It took negotiation to set up a gag and trust as well as the sense to know when not to push when doing a stunt. Their natural rhythm made adlibs come off better than scripted material. They were so attuned to one another they could do the impossible.

Layer Two Friendship

Dean and Jerry most likely met in 1942 that’s four years of friendship before they ever were on stage together. They hung out, had more fun than anyone, and were emotionally supportive of the other. A subset of this aspect is when they act like boys. Wrestling each other to the ground, play fighting, playing football in the hall in nothing but your boxer shorts, and innocent kisses are all the actions of boys not yet taught the rules of manhood. In my writing I sometimes explore the idea of them having a romantic friendship. More than friends, less than lovers. Their relationship isn’t physical and neither has a sexual attraction but are deeply attracted to each other emotionally. This love can be (and Jerry often has!) compared to romantic love. They are affectionate sometimes in the form of kisses but that’s only to communicate their strong emotions for the other.

Layer Three Family

Some people are uncomfortable with them having a romantic friendship. What part of it was a LOVE STORY do you not understand? Often these people will say they loved each other like BROTHERS. In the past I have compared them to brothers but I meant only in the sense that they have a family-like bond. Brothers are protective in this “no one beats the shit out of my brother but me” kind of way. No real life brother relationship I know of is anything like Dean and Jerry. I do, however, get strong father/son vibes from them. Dean is protective, caring, gives Jerry discipline when he needs it, and loves him without condition. It’s important to note these are all things Jerry’s biological father didn’t provide.

Layer Four Marriage

Now we’re getting deep. When I talk about their marriage I don’t mean romantic love or a sexual relationship. I’m speaking strictly of their domesticity. Their act made it so they had to live on the road, sharing hotel rooms and a bed in the early days. As Jerry once said, LIVING AND LOVING TOGETHER. It’s canon that Dean moved in with Jerry more than once. They know what the other is like in a domestic situation. Jerry knows that Dean cuts corners when doing house work and can be a slob. Dean thinks Jerry should relax and not be so fussy. They learned to accept the other’s irritating quirks and create a harmonious environment where they can enjoy each other’s company. Dean and Jerry have to work together to (Jerry would love this analogy!) nurture their baby (their act). This requires...you guessed it! COMMUNICATION. When they communicate and I mean TALK, exchange words and make hard decisions, nothing can break them. In real life their little spats were like the arguments that married people have. In my fiction when they can no longer communicate what they want or need that’s the beginning of the end.

Layer Five Dom/sub

I’m not talking about in a sexual relationship or even within them practicing an alternative lifestyle. When Dean is dominant over Jerry it makes him feel owned. For Jerry to be owned is the highest form of love. He willingly submits to Dean’s loving authority and to serve him brings him great joy. The roles often switch back and forth depending on what the other needs. When Jerry is dominant over Dean it gives him a chance to breathe. For most of Dean’s life he had to appear dominant and in control because that’s what is expected of a man. Jerry is seen as the wife, the female half and naturally the more submissive. But when Jerry takes over the dominant role Dean can just be. He doesn’t have to worry about appearances. Sometimes a man just likes to be led.

Layer Six Romantic

This is when I write Dean and Jerry as lovers. Call them boyfriends, husbands, whatever you want. They are romantically attracted and deeply in love. If you would like a description look up any quote from Jerry about their relationship.

Layer Seven Supernatural

I’m not planning on doing any crossovers with the TV show if that’s what you were thinking. I’m speaking of all the things related to their connection that cannot be explained. They were mythological. In real life they spoke of a connection so deep they knew when the other was sick, in pain, or even angry at them before they were in the same room. I create stories that hint at this connection. They were fated to be together. No matter how stupid they act or how badly they fuck everything up a force beyond their control will always bring them back together.

Layer Eight Sexual

I have left this to be the final layer because it is the most deepest and intimate aspect of their relationship. When I write them having sex all of their aspects work together. Their professional partnership, especially the part where they must know the other’s limits, prepares them for a sexual relationship. As boys they can wrestle and play and as men these games can become something more meaningful than harmless fun. If you replace father with caretaker then that aspect also plays a key part. Making love is what married couples traditionally do. Dominance, submission, the switching between the two awakens their deepest desires and fulfills their deepest need. In Dean’s case it’s a need he didn’t know he had. When I write them practicing an alternative lifestyle I include pain and that sex doesn’t have to be gentle to be deeply romantic. Sex and physical touch on it’s own is how Dean can express his love for Jerry. Words fail him but his hands never do. I write that they can feel the love as if it was something tangible and passed to the other. As for the supernatural aspect, imagine how satisfying sex could be with your soul mate who knew when you would take your next breath and who knew your body as well as you did. This is why whenever I write Dean and Jerry having sex or experiencing sexual intimacy it is always more than that. It does not matter what they do or the lies they tell they are experiencing a deeply emotional act that can sometimes border on the spiritual.

I remember hearing the writer of a TV show talking about writing sex scenes. He used sex scenes as an opportunity to show who the characters were. That always stuck with me and as a writer I prefer examining their relationship and personalities through sex scenes. I mainly write them in a sexual relationship for this reason and also because it’s fun.

Below the cut is my personal experience with writing their sexual relationship, particularly penetrative sex. None of this will be included on the version posted to AO3

It is very important for me to know if and when my characters engage in certain acts, especially penetrative sex.

I am very protective of my Jerry character. Once upon a time, I wanted Dean to be his first everything. I think we all like the idea of Jerry being in control of his experiences with men and for those experiences to be really special. But when I would attempt to write Jerry as shy and innocent it felt like I was writing an original character that had the same name. Jerry’s experiences whether good or bad make him who he is. I can’t logically write that Jerry never acted on his attraction towards men in sixteen years because his soul mate was out there waiting for him. Also, Dean’s possessiveness would take over when he found out Jerry was untouched. He would think of him as “pure” and that never sat right with me.

Jerry kissed boys and men, was held by some and maybe even developed romantic feelings for one of them and Mr. Martin is just going to have to accept that.

Another thing Mr. Martin has to deal with is that Jerry very much enjoys penetrative sex and wants that in his sexual relationships. I write Dean as his first experience with homosexual intercourse because I want that experience to be special for him. If the idea weren’t so laughable I would have Dean sprinkle rose petals on their bed. Jerry isn’t losing his “virginity” he’s had sex before. Intercourse isn’t any different from any other sexual act. Any way men choose to have sex or get off with each other is valid, intimate, and as romantic as they feel.

However, intercourse is a riskier act than the others. The first time for any gender can be tricky and a lot can go wrong. I want Jerry to be with someone gentle and caring enough that he can receive the maximum amount of pleasure. I want this person to be someone he’s in love with and only gives him positive emotions during. Most importantly I want him never to regret this happened and when he thinks of it throughout the decades he feels good.

Quite recently, I’ve decided on a specific time when they do this. Drum roll please... Dean and Jerry share this special experience in 1947 when Jerry is twenty-one.

Why such a specific time? Because in 1948 Jerry goes to Hollywood and reunites with his oh so special friend Tony. When I first joined this fandom I thought Jerry met Tony in 1948 and in my fanfiction writer mind because of their strong sexual chemistry they instantly started a sexual relationship. They did EVERYTHING. Jerry didn’t have to worry about the rules that men were supposed to follow or if he was acting too feminine in bed or not feminine enough. There was no hesitation or holding back with Tony. He bottomed, he topped, dominant, submissive he explored every side of himself. To be with Tony he has to be a fully blossomed flower of a man and when the fifties hit he knows exactly what he wants sexually and completely accepts the desires he has for whichever gender he has a relationship with.

It’s beautiful isn’t it? Tony and Jerry definitely have their problems but when it comes to their sexual relationship I always write it as positive and satisfying for the both of them. When I started writing fanfiction for them it’s what I loved the most.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Dawn in Your Eyes Alfie SolomonsxOC (Part 1)

Summary: Alfie has little to no idea why Caroline ever gave him the time of day. The blind woman seemed far too sensible to even speak to him. But soon he finds himself falling helplessly in love.

                    Everyone in Camden Town always greeted Alfie. Whether it was a tip of the hat, a polite greeting, or simply keeping out of his way. Hardly anyone caught his eye though. He merely grunted in brief acknowledgment to those who greeted him. There were only a few people he truly interacted with on his walk from his flat to the bakery.

           His elderly neighbor who knew his mother, the postman, and the boy at the corner who gave him the daily paper.

           “Morning, Mr. Solomons.” The boy greeted with a bright smile. The gangster was his best customer. Always consistent and always gave a little extra.

           “Morning, Timothy.” Alfie reached into his pocket to retrieve a few coins. “How’re the headlines?”

           “Going on ‘bout all the strikes, sir.” The boy handed him the newspaper. “Communists.”

           “Fucking hell,” Alfie muttered and bid Timothy a good morning before moving along. He glanced up from the front page of the paper and noticed possibly the biggest dog he’d ever seen. Previously it had been Cyril but this dog had to be more than ten stone. An absolute sucker for dogs, he decided to go over and ask about him.

           Standing beside the massive Newfoundland was a petite woman with a thin cane in hand. She kept the dog’s leather lead gripped tightly in her hand. Her ashy brown hair was pinned up and partially hidden beneath a dark maroon cloche hat.

           “That’s quite a beast you’ve got there,” Alfie said as he approached the woman.

           Her head tilted slightly toward him but her eyes remained straight ahead. Still, Alfie could see a smile form on her face. “Thank you.” She spoke softly.

           “Fucking hell, like a horse.” He remarked and took in the dog’s heavy black coat and bushy tail. “A Newfie, innit?”

           The woman still didn’t turn to look at him. She nodded slightly. “Yes, his name is Pilot.”

           “That right…I’ve got a bull mastiff. But he ain’t nearly this big.” He chuckled and reached out his hand for Pilot to sniff. Instead, the dog remained absolutely still, ignoring him just as the woman appeared to be. Alfie frowned. Cyril could hardly contain himself when a stranger came to pat him. “Don’t like people?”

           “He’s trained not to lose focus.” The woman replied and slightly turned her head in the direction of his voice. That’s when Alfie noticed her eyes were clouded over. It wasn’t a foreign sight to him, it was exactly the way his young cousin’s looked.

           “Sorry, didn’t realize…” Alfie cleared his throat and felt embarrassed. Such an unfamiliar feeling. “Me cousin is blind. She’s got a dog too. A nice Labrador.”

           The woman didn’t seem to mind his mistake. She merely smiled and nodded.

           “Name’s Alfie. You from around here?”

           “Yes, I’m Caroline. I’m Julia’s niece.” The woman said and gently rested a hand on Pilot’s head that stood just above her hips.

           “Oh right, yeah…” He ran a hand over his beard. Julia was a big figure in the Jewish community. Especially when she began a charity for the blind. The woman had told Alfie the reason for starting the charity, citing her niece who was born blind. But he’d never met Caroline before.

           “You donate a good sum of money to her charity.” She spoke so gently but had steady confidence behind her voice. She wasn’t timid or afraid of the world despite her disability.

           “Right, well, think is great what she does, innit?” The gangster began to realize he was staring at Caroline. She was beautiful, a beautiful Jewish woman, the kind of woman his mother always wanted him to find. He swallowed hard.

           “Of course.” Caroline nodded. “She speaks very highly of you, my aunt. What is it that you do?”

           He furrowed his brow and glanced down at Pilot for a moment. “Me? I own a bakery. One down the road, end of Bonnie Street.”        

           “I didn’t picture you being a baker.” She admitted with an amused smile passing over her pink lips. “My aunt makes you out to be a big scary man.”

           Alfie chuckled sheepishly and shook his head. “Don’t believe everything you hear, love.”

           “I tend not to.” Caroline reached out an arm. “You could escort me. I’ll be traveling past Bonnie Street. You can tell me about your bull mastiff.”

           He raised an eyebrow. Most people were too intimidated to be close to him. They were afraid of the reputation he held. What they saw scared him. What they heard about him scared them even more. “Sure.” He carefully took her arm in his, escorting her down the street.

           Pilot began walking to her left, the large dog plodding along dutifully. He didn’t care if Alfie was there or not, he would guide Caroline, his job was never done.

           “What’s his name?”

           “Cyril,” Alfie answered. It was strangely relaxing being in her presence. She soothed him and it felt like the world around them was muted. “S’an idiot.”

           Caroline laughed. “Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.”

           “Nah, tripped, right, on his own fucking feet this morning.” He told her. “Would be the worse seeing-eye dog. Would lead me right into the fucking cut.”

           It was lovely listening to her laugh so genuinely. “But you love him.”

           “’Course. Had him since he was just a little runt. Found him tossed on the side of the fucking road. All ‘lone in the rain.”

           “Oh, how awful.” Caroline frowned. “How could someone abandon him?”

           “Fucking soulless person, that’s who,” Alfie grunted in agreement. “You’ll hafta meet him though. He’s a love, ain’t as well behaved as Pilot is.” He could hardly believe how silent and subtle such a large dog was.

           Caroline smiled. “I would like that.” She disagreed with her aunt who said Alfie was crooked. Julia respected the man for donating to the charity but she sure as hell didn’t trust the man. But Caroline couldn’t imagine a man who rescued a puppy from death would be crooked. There was so much she didn’t know but there was so much she wanted to know.

           “Yeah? I’ll bring him ‘long to work tomorrow. Will you be out for a walk?” He wondered hopefully.

           “I was planning on it.” She stopped when she felt Alfie standstill in front of a building. She heard the sounds of men shouting back and forth inside.

           “Then I’ll see you ‘round. Try to make sure Cyril’s on his best behavior.” Alfie smiled and reluctantly let his arm slip away from her.

           “I’m looking forward to it.” Caroline smiled. “Have a good day, Mr. Solomons. Come along, Pilot.”

           Alfie stood by the doors of the bakery, watching her walk off with Pilot, her cane tapping on the ground. How wonderful it was to not be judged based on appearances. It was an interesting concept and he wanted to explore it further with Caroline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Very seldom did Alfie ask for life advice. He was typically the type of man who walked through the world pretending he knew everything, even if he was clueless. But in his eyes, weakness wasn’t an option.

           Still, there were some people he trusted. Very few people. Probably less than ten. But Ollie was one of those people; he had to be trusted in his position at the bakery. But their families had known each other for a very long time. Camden’s Jewish community was very tightly knit, but some families were closer than others. Especially when it came to Alfie and his men. Some disapproved while others saw him as a leading figure despite what he did behind closed doors.

           But in such a close community, no matter what opinion you held, rumors got around about everything and everyone.

           “So, I heard you were seen with Julia’s niece.” Ollie tentatively brought up the conversation as the two made their rounds in the bakery.

           “Yeah, who’d you hear that from?” Alfie asked grumpily. He wasn’t happy to hear people were gossiping about him. As a gangster, he liked a high measure of secrecy and enjoyed his private life.

           “Shayna,” Ollie admitted.

           It was difficult to be upset with his assistant’s wife. She was a good Jewish woman who always offered a place in her home for the bachelor gangster. But she had a bite to her as well and if you passed by their flat at the right time, you could hear her shouting in Yiddish. Alfie liked her enough to let the gossiping pass.

           “We were just talking ‘bout her dog,” Alfie explained. “Never met her ‘fore.”

           Ollie nodded and became a little distracted from the ledger in his hand. His wife’s words from the previous night echoed in his head.

           ‘Eva saw them walking together. Said Alfie couldn’t keep his eyes off her.’

           He cleared his throat and tested the waters a little bit. “She’s beautiful.”

           “Fuck off.” Alfie’s defenses immediately spiked up and he rolled his eyes.

           “Sorry.” Ollie dropped the subject, well accustomed to picking and choosing his battles.

           But the mention of Caroline’s beauty stuck a pin right in Alfie’s heart. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. She had become a part of his morning routine. After getting his paper, Alfie greeted her and Pilot at the corner. He’d have to rein back Cyril so the mastiff didn’t distract the Newfoundland.

           They would walk together towards the bakery, sometimes taking a longer route just to spend more time together. Caroline always rested her hand on Alfie’s arm. They would talk about simple things in their life, nothing too deep. His occupation and her blindness were never topics of conversation.

           Despite the casual morning chats, Alfie felt a solid connection to the woman. Normally, it took years for him to truly trust anyone or to feel a real bond. It was one of the many reasons he’d been single for so long. But he was so intrigued by Caroline.

           She experienced the world differently than others did. She approached things from another angle. Being a Jewish woman in a fairly Orthodox community, she had a measure of expectations placed on her. But she was like Alfie. Her disability made her adjust her priorities and crack the mold she was supposed to fit. Unmarried and childless at twenty-nine, she didn’t follow the life her family assumed she would have. But her independence was one of the things she treasured most. Pilot gave her a level of independence that she thought she would never have. Now she was mostly on her own. Took care of her own needs and felt the freedom she always craved as a blind teenager.

           Alfie loved that about her. A strong woman with good Jewish morals was an unbelievable find in his opinion. Something he didn’t think he deserved but it was nice to think about. He wasn’t heartless.

           He ran a hand through his hair and grumbled. “How’d you…you know…” The words were failing him. “Fuck, I just don’t know how to talk to her.”          

           Ollie did everything he could to hide his amusement. It was nice to see a softer side to the man though. “Well, what have you been talking about?”

           Alfie furrowed his brows. “Just little things. Can’t really tell her that…” It was unbelievably frustrating for him. Dictating his emotions was something he didn’t do often.

           “Sir,” His assistant smiled sympathetically. “You obviously like her. Maybe you should just tell her that.”

           “Great, yeah, I’ll just tell her that.” Alfie rolled up the newspaper in his hand and used it to whack Ollie on the back of the head. “You thick? She’d fucking laugh at me.”

           Ollie rubbed the back of his head and sighed. “Just trying to help, sir.”

           “Just tryna help.” He muttered and stormed towards his office, leaving the young man behind him. “Fucking hell.”

           Alfie had a feeling he would just run around in circles before he ever mustered up the courage, to be honest with Caroline. In fact, he was just waiting for the day she decided he wasn’t a man to waste time on. Maybe her aunt would tell her more about what he did. Her friends would warn her of the danger. Something he might say could push her away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           But the morning after he spoke to Ollie, she was there on the corner as usual. She smiled when she heard Alfie’s familiar shuffling gait approaching her.

           “You’re late.” She informed him with an amused glint in her eyes.

           “Late?” Alfie chuckled. “You think so?”

           She reached out and he offered his arm to her. “Pilot and my aunt keep me on a pretty good schedule.”

           “Wish Cyril would do that. But he likes to sleep in.” They began to walk their normal route, Pilot dutifully walking beside Caroline. Cyril’s tongue lolled out happily as he loped along.

           “Well, I’m glad you didn’t keep me too long.” Caroline smiled and tilted her head towards Alfie. “You’ve become one of the best parts of my morning.”

           The simple sentence socked Alfie right in the gut. He suddenly felt thrilled and dumbfounded at the same time. “Really? Your morning’s that terrible?” He joked half-heartedly. He couldn’t believe that he would be the best thing or her morning.

           “You sound surprised. Have I not made my feelings towards you clear?” She stopped walking for a moment.

           Alfie paused and turned to face her. He gently touched her cheek and guided her eyes to his. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t see him; she could feel him deeper than anyone else. “Tell me.” He coaxed softly. It was a relief to have her break the ice. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to muster the courage that she had.

           Caroline smiled and shifted her hand from his arm and placed it on his wrist. “You’re the first person who doesn’t treat me like I’m…less of a person. When I’m with you, I don’t feel different.”

           Alfie’s heart was hammering against his chest. “Nah, love, you’re different. You’re a good person, right, and that’s fucking rare, innit?”

           She bit her lip and a blush formed on her cheeks. “Alfie…”

           “You’re the best part of my morning too. I’m just sorry I can’t-” He frowned and withdrew his hand from her cheek. But she slipped her hand from his wrist and went to lace her fingers with his. He glanced at their entwined hands. “I can’t be the man you need.”

           “What do you mean?”

           Alfie wrestled with the part of him that wanted to protect her from himself and the part that was selfishly yearning for her. “Lotta things I’ve done that you should never have to know.”

           Caroline didn’t look worried or even hurt. And she didn’t let go of his hand. “I’m not afraid of you, Alfie.”

           He laughed anxiously and shook his head. “I’m terrified of you, love.”

           “Me?” Her face scrunched up in surprised amusement. “Why in the world would you be afraid of me?”

           “’Cause you’re everything I want but know I can’t ever have. Beautiful, intelligent, patient woman. Too good for my world, ain’t ya?” He went to slip his hand away from hers. But she relented and tightened her grip.

           “Alfie, you’re so silly.” She smiled teasingly. “Would you please just stop doubting yourself? I know you’re a lovely man.” She turned and went to start walking again.

           He followed her, stunned by her indifference towards the potential danger he posed to her. “You so sure ‘bout that?”

           “Yes.”

           When they approached the front of the bakery, Alfie seriously considered allowing himself to follow his desires. “You’re something else, you know that?”

           Her coy look made him nearly lose his mind. How could such a perfect creature be drawn to him? “Don’t be late tomorrow.” She warned and let go of his hand.

           “Could take you out to dinner or somethin’.” He offered hopefully.

           “We’re Jewish, Alfie, you’ll have to meet my family first.” She called over her shoulder and let Pilot lead her down the sidewalk.

           “Fucking hell.” Alfie couldn’t get the grin off his face.

Part 2

Masterlist 

[secondgenerationnerd]

Cadmus

This literally took multiple months to write. I hope y’all like it! 

-----------------------------

These days have become more common the last few years. Summer sun shining overhead. Shrieking kids racing around the backyard, throwing water balloons at each other. 18-month-old Laney Kent and 19-month-old Max Wilkes splash in their water table and babble nonsense to each other. Despite the cute swimsuits their mothers tried to dress them in, the two prefer their swim diapers and nothing else.

         “Cha-Cha! Cha-Cha!” Laney waves to her big sister as she runs by.

“Hi, Loo-Loo!” Charlie blows her a kiss and shrieks as her best friend tackles her. “Asha!”

“Don’t get distracted, Kent!” Asha teases. She helps her friend up before taking off again. Their parents watch from the back porch, shaking their heads at the gaggle of kids.

“See Asha already does Damian’s ‘call them by their last name’ thing.” Milagro bumps Irey’s hip with hers. Irey sticks her tongue out at the Lantern, grabbing a glass of lemonade as Damian walks by.

“Like how Max and Ben do Colin’s ‘if I smile like this, you won’t be mad’ thing.”

“Sh!” Colin gestures to Irey to stop, “She doesn’t need to know that, Ires!”

“Wilkes, you did that to Father once and thought it would work.” Damian points out.

“It technically worked on him. Alfred, on the other hand...” Cracking up at that image, the heroes can’t imagine a worst position to be in.

“To be fair,” Mar’i giggles, “Alfred had to raise my Dad and Jason; so, he’s definitely seen it all.”

They love how common these days have become. Reminds them of the past summer days when they were kids. Of course, in the past Damian would never kiss Irey like he does now. Jai would never call Lian babe or say he was going to get something from inside their house. Milagro would never laugh as Colin catches their boys, carrying them over his shoulder, all three of their skins beautifully mismatched. Jon would never wink at Mar’i as he makes some flirty joke, only for her to laugh and remind him that they already have four kids.

Things have changed, in all the best ways possible.

         “Alright, let’s eat!” Lian calls to the kids in the backyard. Jai and Irey disappear with cracks. Mini Omega, as their parents call them, run as fast as they can to avoid the older speedsters. Jai and Irey stop beside the back fence as the kids run to the porch.

         “Mom would love this.” Irey says simply, watching her daughter jump into Damian’s arms. Her husband kisses Asha's freckled face and spins her around.

         “She would.” Jai agrees as his kids crowd around Lian. Her warm laugh at the six hands grabbing at her jeans, babbling at her, makes him fall in love again, “Ok, Sissy, let’s eat.

         As they take a step forward, they feel something hit the middle of their backs. Their cries of pain make their families look up. Horror spreads through the group as the twins’ bodies seize. Eyes rolling back, the two collapse on the ground, taser poles embedded in their backs.

         "Mama!" Asha gasps.

         “Daddy!” Lily and Milly Harper-West speed from the back porch to their father. As the girls reach him, a figure jumps from their big oak tree. “MOMMY!”          “BABY DOLLS!” Lian grabs a plate and throws it at the figure advance on her girls, hitting him in the face, “BACK HERE! GIRLS, RUN BACK HERE!”

         Before the girls can take a step, the fence beside them crashes down. A truck drives through it, hired guns spill out of the back, one of them grabbing the girls.

         “MOOOMMMY!” They struggle in his arms, tears rolling down their faces, reaching for her.

         “OMEGA, GO!” Lian shouts. None of them hesitate. They know what to do. Colin and Damian make the other kids hide under the table, telling them to close their eyes.

The others jump over the railing; Lian grabbing a knife as she goes, Jon and Mar’i flying into the air. Lian runs straight for the goon holding her daughters. Someone swings a baton at her face. Hitting the ground baseball style, Lian stabs his ankle, scrambling to her feet as he goes down. Milagro kicks one away as someone grabs her from behind. Dropping down, she throws him over her shoulder. Sucker punch to a third’s face. Jon and Mar’i grab the hired guns in pairs, knocking their heads together.

That’s when things go wrong.

“Gah!” Jon yells as one of the guns opens a pocket. The bright green rock inside makes his body burn.

“Jon!” Mar’i shouts, watching in horror as her husband falls to the ground. She lands next to him. Their attackers throw caninsters at them and onto the porch. Emmitting a white gas, the heroes know they’re losing. Colin and Damian yell as they’re tased too.

“BABY DOLLS!” Lian’s close enough to touch them when she’s hit from behind. She falls to the ground, head throbbing. The last things she hears are her friends coughing, kids crying, and her children screaming for her.

--

         Hours later, in a cramped room with a military grade door, miles and miles away, Mini Omega tries not to panic. Of course, that’s easier said than done when the average age is six. Any hope they might have of their meta cousins’ powers died when they woke up and saw the power dampening collars.

         "It's okay, Charlie..." Asha tries to soothe her friend. As soon as Charlie and Peter realized what was on them, their minds brought them to the Bad Place. The last place the siblings would want to be.

         "Nonononononononononono," Rocking back and forth, the 11-year-old covers her ears, eyes squeezed painfully tight. Nearby, Ben pulls on the metal collar around Lily's neck.

         "Owie!"

         "Sorry, Lil." He takes his hands away. "It's not gonna come off."

         "Pete?" M&M pokes her big brother's face. Peter sits silently, arms wrapped around his legs, shaking. “Pete?”

         “M&M, are you sure your powers don’t work?” Asha asks the young technopath. Face screaming up in concentration, M&M stares at the collar around her brother’s neck before deflating.

         “They won’t work.”

         “It okay, bubba.” Milly promises, letting Luke lay his head on her little lap. Laney and Max shiver in the corner, babbling away. Too young to know what’s going on. Ben finds a blanket in a pile on the ground. Wrapping it around the youngest two, he hugs his brother.

         The toddler tilts his head, “¿Dónde están Mami y Daddy?”

         “No lo sé, pero estoy seguro de que vendrán a salvarnos.”

         “Ben,” Asha shakes her head, “They have to find us first.”

         “They will.” Ben looks at her, “They promised.”

--

When Lian wakes up, her husband shaking her, the first thing out of her mouth is, “Where are the kids?”

“We’re trying to figure that out, babe.” Jai assures her as he helps her up. Leaning against him, she limps up to the porch. Their friends look about as good as she feels.

Even though it’s been a while, they fall into their normal habits. They circle around the back table. Remnants of their planned dinner litter the ground. Damian nods at Lian, “Good, you’re up. You alright?”

“Killer headache, but I’ll live,” She rubs the back of her head, “What do we have?”

“Mercenaries.” Milagro says, tossing a few weapons on the table, “From the looks of these, I can at least confirm they’re earth based.”

“They knew who they were coming for.” Colin notes. “My question, why didn’t they go for any of us? We’ve got two types of alien and a good variety of metas. Plus, Damian, Lian, and Mil are all experts in their areas of fighting.”

Jon and Mar’i share an uneasy look. Mar’i sighs, “If I had to guess…it was Cadmus.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Do you remember the mission where we found our older kids? Li, I know you were still on leave.” Jon runs a hand through his hair, “We found files that called that particular project Exodus.”

“Exodus?” Mil frowns.

Damian asks, “Does that mean something to you?”

“Well, that’s the chapter with Moses’s story.” She explains, “Just seems strange to choose that for a project trial.”

“Maybe not.” Irey looks at Jon and Mar’i, “Did Charlie tell you all how she got the burn scars on her back?”

“Just that she was told to do a-a trial. She was five, I think?” Mar’i says, “In her file, it said she was locked in a weather room. They wanted to see how different powers would react to extreme weather—”

“‘There was hail and fire flashing continually in the midst of the hail, very heavy hail, such as had never been in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.’” Colin looks at his wife, “Those fuckers used the plagues for inspiration.”

“None of this tells us how to find them.” Jai points out, “And that information isn’t exactly helping ease the worry.”

“There’s a way to find the kids.” Jon glances at his wife again, then looks down, “Charlie and Peter both have trackers in their legs—”

“WHA—”

“Cadmus put them there.” Mar’i cuts off the others’ panic. “When they were little. M&M didn’t have one, but she was only there a few months. The ones in Charlie and Peter are too close to the femoral artery, and the muscles started growing around it.”

“Is that how they found us?”

“No, Mil. Babs was able to turn them off and regularly checks in.”

They’re quiet only for a moment. Damian plays Devil’s Advocate, “Can she turn them back on?”

Jon nods. “We need to hurry though.”

“Well, duh—”

“Charlie’s powers have started changing.” Jon cuts Jai off. “Her illusions are becoming…real. Last time she had a nightmare…I felt it when one of them touched me.”

The group takes that in. The three leaders look at each other. Then the group. Communicating in a way that nearly two decades of fighting together can give them. Irey nods at Mar’i and Colin, “You two are retired still—”

“If you think some League bullshit’s gonna keep me from saving my sons, you’re dead wrong.”

“Same with my starlings.”

“Everyone have their spare uniform?” Damian asks. The others nod. “Suit up. Mar’i, call Oracle and see if she can activate the trackers. We leave in five minutes.”

--

         The cell door creaks open. Charlie immediately goes silent, though her shaking doesn’t stop. The group of scientists come into the room. There’s four of them—two men and two women— dressed in white coats and donning badges with six letters that Peter and Charlie see in their nightmares. C.A.D.M.U.S. Barely breathing, Peter curls up tighter, Ben scoots in front of him, mismatched eyes meeting the scientists’. Asha glares at them when they glance at Charlie. Then they look at the younger kids.

         “That one.” The lead man points to Laney. “Initial blood tests show signs of Kryptonian and Tamaranean blood.”

         “Really?” One of the women sounds impressed. Laney tilts her head to the side at the woman, blinking her too blue eyes at the group. “She’s still young.”

“Given what we’ve seen people with her lineage do, I’m not sure that matters.”

“In that case we might consider more physical trials—”

         “No!” Charlie jumps to her feet, brown eyes wide. The older kids look at their usually meek friend in shock as she pulls on the lead man’s arm, “Me! Me! I’ll do a trial! Not her!”

         She doesn’t see his hand, but she feels it across her cheek. As Charlie falls to the ground, Asha’s on her feet in an instant, eyes burning. The lead scientist turns on her.

As if a mean glare could stop a girl raised by heroes.

Asha surges forward. Jumping to kick the lead man in the face, rolling over him as he stumbles. Ben helps Charlie up as Asha elbows one of the females’ stomachs, kicking the other in the knee. The second male scientist grabs her dark curls, yanking her backwards.

“You little bitch—” He doesn’t get the chance to finish. Grabbing his wrist, Asha throws him over her.

She blows hair out of her face, grinning at her cousins, “Uncle Jason taught me that when I was 6.”

“The door’s open!” Ben shouts. The kids start to move forward when guards appear. Before they can get too close, alarms start going off.

Alert: Metas have infiltrated the facility. Full evacuation. Repeat. Metas have—

The room shakes as something explodes above them. The twins turn to the guards, narrowing their dark eyes, and growl together, “Mommy and Daddy are gonna kick your asses.”

Being helped by the guards, the four scientists glare at the kids.

“Take her,” The lead male growls, pointing at Asha. “We know she’s Bruce Wayne’s granddaughter. Once we’re on the plane, we can negotiate for her life.”

“No!” Charlie tries to push the guards away as they come for her friend.

“Take her too!”

“NO! ASHA!”

“CHARLIE!”

The kids fight as best they can, but they’re only children. Grabbed around the middle and held tight, Asha and Charlie scream for the others. Peter snaps out of his silence and races after his sister. Then a guard points his weapon at the little boy. Ben jumps in front of Peter, arms held out.

The door slams shut. The screams fade away, replaced by familiar voices a few minutes later.

“STARLINGS!”

“BABY DOLLS!”

“LITTLE MAN, WE’RE HERE!”

         “We’re in here! We’re in here!” Ben shouts as he and Peter band their hands on the door. “We’re in here! Mami! Dad!”

         Familiar faces peer through the window. Even in their hero apparel, the kids would know their parents anywhere.

         “Dad!” Peter shouts, “You have to save Charlie and Asha! The bad people took them! They’re going on a plane!”

         “Jon, Mar’i, Irey, with me!” Damian shouts, “We’ll get the older girls! The rest of you, get the kids to safety.”

         Four sets of feet race off in another direction.

         “Guys! Way from the door!” Lian shouts, "To a side wall!"

         Ben and Peter pull the other kids to the back corner, shouting when they're in position. A brief pause. Then door flies back with a blast of green energy, their parent spilling into the room. As always, the Harper-West kids are the first to move, "Mommy! Daddy!"

         "Baby dolls! Baby Jedi!" Lian catches Lily and Luke as Jai scoops up Milly. The three children cling to their parents, shaking as Jai and Lian check them for any bruises. "It's okay, we're here. Mommy and Daddy got you."

         "Mami!" With his little brother's hand in his, Ben runs to their mother's arms, crying. Milagro catches her boys and holds them close. "Where's Dad?"

         "I'm here, buddy." Colin backs into the room, “We need to go now.”

         “Hallways?” Lian asks, picking Laney up in her other arm.

         “Clear. You all stay behind me.”

         "Okay, guys, let's go! Fast, fast!" With some trading around, the other three get the youngest kids in their arms. Colin clears ahead of them before the group moves on.

         As they round a corner, a group of guards comes out of the elevator. Colin barrels ahead. Much to his sons’ horror. Ben races forward. Only for his mother to grab him around the middle. Max cries in her other arm.

         "DADDY!" Ben fights Milagro. “NO! DADDY!”

         "AAARGH!" Colin's body ripples, muscles swelling and growing as he mutates. The familiar burn hurts more than it had in when he was younger. That doesn’t matter to Colin. All that matters are the people behind him.

Abuse slams into the guards. Throwing them into walls. Into each other. He catches sight of the children looking at him in horror. Ben and Max’s faces. Pushing it down, Abuse keeps fighting. There will be time to explain later. Passing Laney to Jai, Lian draws her bow. An arrow appears in a guard’s leg as he tries to hit Colin from behind.

“Jai, put kids behind me!” Milagro orders. The speedster sets the kids in his arm behind her, lightning dancing under his skin as he races down to join the fight.

“Mami?” Max reaches for his mother as she sets him down.

“It’s gonna be okay, mi amor.” A glowing green dome appears around the kids. Lian at her side, the two women join the fight.

The kids had heard the stories of their parents fighting. Laughed at details that got fought over. Watched their parents spar, tossing playful insults at each other.

But seeing them in a fight is something else.

Lian spins on her heel, firing an arrow into one guard’s shoulder. Swings her bow and smacks another in the face. Someone tries to fire at her, only for the bullet to disappear and the guard crumple to the ground in a flash of lightning. Jai comes in and out of focus, socking guards in the face. His skin ripples with electricity. Abuse throws a guard to his wife, who slams her fist into his face. Milagro grabs a wrist and flips the man over her shoulder.

All the time maintaining her concentration to protect the kids.

In a few minutes, the area’s clear. The dome dissipates, parents reaching for their kids. Abuse lumbers ahead again. He needs to focus, and seeing his boys horrified faces, knowing they must hate him. No. Worse. They must be afraid of him.

         In another part of the facility, a group of guards and scientists struggle to get the two oldest girls onto the plane. For once, Charlie fights back as hard as her cousin. Screaming at the top of their lungs. The collar around Charlie’s neck presses against her burn scars.

         “Let go of me!” Asha bites at the guard holding her. “Let go of me!”

         “Get them on the plane!” A guard snaps. The door below them blasts open. A crack of lightning and two figures fly into the room, a fourth following seconds later.

         “Mama! Baba!”

         “Momma! Daddy! Help!”

         “Girls!” Damian shouts.

         “Freeze!” The guard holding Asha jerks her up. His arm tightens around her neck

         “LET HER GO!”

         “BACK UP OR I KILL HER!”

         “Jon, her collar.” Mar’i murmurs. He sees the collar around their daughter’s neck, but hears her rapid heart beat too.

         “Her powers—"

         “PUT HER DOWN—”

         “BACK UP!”

         “BABA!” Asha screams. Jon hears the gun click.

A split-second decision.

His heat vision cuts through the wiring.

Then all hell breaks loose. With a deafening scream, the guard holding Charlie is pulled away by a twisted claw. Monstrous figures—doctors in blood stained scrubs and sharpened scalpels, headless guards with mangled guns—appear around them. Asha’s guard yells as a doctor slices his gun hand off. In his shock, he drops Asha, who scrambles to the railing.

“GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY!” Charlie covers her ears, her voice otherworldly, “I’M NOT GOING BACK!”

The monsters move. Slicing through skin. Firing bullets into heads. Their parents can’t move. Charlie curls up on the ground, still screaming. Pulling away from the railing, Asha crawls under the monsters to her. A body flies over head, hitting the ground with a sickening thud. Blood drips down the side of the platform.

As quickly as it starts, it stops. Unfreezing, their parents race to them; Mar’i and Jon flying up to the girls. Asha covers Charlie with her body, both girls shaking.

“It’s okay now. We’re gonna be okay.” Asha promises, protecting her cousin’s head.

--

         A few hours later, in a hospital that specializes with heroes, the kids have been mostly cleared by the doctors. They’ll have to stay the night for observations, but that’s nothing compared to what they could be going through. In an empty hospital room and answering the League’s questions, the three leaders try not to lose their minds.

         “Are you three seriously suggesting we dismiss—”

         Lian cuts the senior hero off, “We’re saying given the circumstances, we made a judgement call.”

         “You three know that family members are not allowed to be on missions to rescue each other—”

         “Given that most heroes are related through marriage at this point,” Damian scowls, “That’s damn near impossible. Our children were in danger. That’s not a matter any of us can simply stand aside for.”

         “More than that, we were attacked in my home.” Lian snips, “I don’t need to remind you all about Thawne taking my children from their beds, do I?”

         “Of course not. This is simply routine.” Wonder Woman assures them, “What about the authorization of Abuse and Nightstar?”

         “Emergency authorization Delta.” Irey taps her foot, “We knew the risks. This isn’t a choice any of us made lightly—”

         “There’s also the matter of Charlotte Kent.”

         Damian scoffs, “Asha’s life was in danger. More than that, the people that kidnapped them are part of the group that kept her captive for her early formative years. If you need her medical files, I’m sure Jon and Mar’i can provide those to confirm her diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

         “So, in your eyes, her killing a dozen people is okay?”

         “In our eyes,” Lian grits her teeth, “Charlie’s a traumatized little girl who lost control of her powers. What happened is horrible, none of us are saying otherwise, but what would you have us do? Throw her in Belle Reve?”

         “No! Of course not! But—”

         “I think,” Irey cuts Hal Jordan off with a cool look, “We reconvene another time. We’ll have our team fill out reports on what happened and provide whatever information we need when we meet. But right now, Lian has three kids that need her, and we have a daughter to check on.”

         Signing off, the three leaders look at each other. Lian rubs her face, “Fuck me.”

         “It will be alright, Lian.” Irey promises, “We did what was right for our kids.”

         “I know, but I keep thinking about what could have happened. Especially to my dolls.” Lian grits her teeth. Damian rests his hand on her shoulder.

         “Like Irey said. They need their mother right now.” He opens the door to the empty room they’d been using.

Across the hall, Milagro and Colin sit on a hospital bed together. Their sons cling to Colin, whimpering. They recognize the pain in his face, but that doesn’t stop him from holding Ben and Max close. Milagro hums softly as she runs her fingers through Max’s hair. The sight makes Colin’s worry during the kids’ checkup seem…misplaced.

In another room, Jai sits with his trio of monsters on one of the hospital beds, half signing. The tension in Lian’s chest loosens seeing all her kids snoozing on their father. Asha naps on the other bed.

“Mama?” Asha yawns, rubbing her eyes as Irey picks her up to settle down with her and Damian. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Bug.” Irey kisses her 11-year-old’s head. “Baba, Aunt Li, and I took care of things.”

“Mommy,” Lily hiccups, reaching for Lian. Picking up both her daughters, she sits next to her husband and their son.

“I’m sorry, baby dolls. I’m sorry the bad people got you earlier.”

“It okay, Mommy,” Milly looks up at her, “We knowed you and Daddy’d save us.”

“Always.” Lian promises, kissing their heads. She holds them tighter, “Daddy and I will always save you.”

         While the other families reunite, and their younger children sleep, Mar’i and Jon are having a much harder conversation down the hall.

Charlie sits beside Mar’i, her mother’s hand running through her hair, while Jon sits in a chair in front of her. One of his strong hands holds hers tightly.

         “Charlie. Momma and I need to talk to you. Is that okay?”

         “I guess…” Charlie sniffles.

         “Hey.” Mar’i tilts her head up. “Starling, if this gets to be too much, you tell us. No questions asked. Okay?”

         “Yes, Momma.” Charlie rests her head on Mar’i’s chest. Mar’i and Jon share a look. He takes a deep breath.

         “First, we know you’re scared. We know there’s a lot of confusing stuff in your head. What we need you to know is that we love you and we’re not going anywhere, ok?” Jon waits until she nods, “Okay. That’s the most important thing we need you to know. No matter what we love you.”

         Mar’i strokes Charlie’s hair, “The other kids said…when the bad people came and tried to take Laney, you asked them to take you. That you’d do a trial for her.”

         “Yeah.”

         “Baby, why would you do that?” The burn scars on her back come to mind.

         “’s what we did before.” Charlie mumbles. “Before you saved us…the big kids would protect the little kids. Do more trials. Keep them safe. I did it for Peter before.”

         “Oh, Charlie…” Mar’i hugs her daughter a little tighter.

         “They were gonna hurt her, Momma.” Charlie hides her face. “They were gonna hurt Loo-Loo.”

         They stay quiet and listen to her cry into Mar’i’s shirt. The dark bruise on Charlie’s pale cheek makes their stomachs churn. Makes them want to go out and take Cadmus down by themselves. But they stay where they’re needed for now.

         “Baby,” Mar’i kisses Charlie’s head, “We need to talk to you about what happened in the hanger.”

         “When I killed those people?”

         “When your powers acted up.” Mar’i corrects. “You know what happened was bad, right?”

         Charlie nods, showing her face to them, “Are they sending me to jail?”

         “No.” Jon speaks firmly. “No. Charlie, what do you think would have happened if your collar didn’t come off?”

         “I dunno…I didn’t want them to hurt Asha.”

         “Why?”

         “She’s my friend, Daddy. They were going to hurt her like they hurt me.” Charlie sniffles, “They were going to kill her.”

         “Charlie, do you know what self-defense is?” Jon asks. Charlie shakes her head, “It’s when someone uses force if they think that they are in danger. What happened in the hanger was self-defense.”

         “I killed them, Daddy.” Charlie whimpers, fresh tears filling her eyes. “I’m a bad person.”

         “Charlotte Elisabeth Kent, you look at me right now.” Mar’i waits until Charlie meets her impossible green eyes. “Your powers made something bad happen. People died. That’s true. But you are not a bad person. Not even close.”

         Charlie wiggles out of Mar’i’s arms, not meeting her parents’ eyes, “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

         Jon nods, “Ok. No more questions. Do you want Momma and I to sta—”

         “I want to be alone.” Charlie squeezes her eyes shut tight.

         “Can Daddy and I tuck—”

         “I want to be alone, Momma.”

         Jon and Mar’i don’t let her see how much that hurts to hear. Mar’i gets off the bed, pulling the sheets back, “Daddy and I are going to check on your siblings. If you need anything, we’re right down the hall. We love you, Charlie.”

         Charlie nods, keeping her eyes squeezed shut. When the door shuts, she opens them. The hospital sheets feel funny as she hides under them. They don’t feel like the ones at home.

         Fresh tears fill her eyes. Home. She doesn’t have a home anymore. Momma and Daddy won’t want her around her brother and sisters. Her brother and sisters are going to hate her. So will her aunties, uncles, and cousins.

         It’s all her fault.

         This is why her tummy Mommy didn't want her.

         “Charlie?”

She didn’t hear the door open, but Asha stands at the foot of her bed. Sitting up, Charlie wipes her tears away. Please don’t let Asha ask. Just let her tell Charlie she’s an awful person and she hates her. It’s what Charlie deserves—

“Chocolate or vanilla?” Asha holds out two pudding cups.

“W-wha—”

“Do you want the chocolate or vanilla? I picked last time.”

“…Halfises?”

Asha smiles. Sitting side by side, the girls trade the cups back and forth. When Asha gets up to throw them away, she notices Charlie curled up on the sheets again. “…Baba did bad things too.”

“Huh?”

“Before he went to live with Jid and met Mama. He did really bad things too.” She shrugs.

“…Why are you telling me that?”

Climbing back onto the bed, Asha says, “Because when Baba told me about the stuff he did, he said he wouldn’t who he is now without people loving him.”

“I could’ve hurt you—”

“I wrestle Gracie all the time. If she hasn’t killed me yet, I think I stand a good chance with you…Do you want me to go?”

Looking down, Charlie shakes her head.

“Can I lay down?”

Nodding, Charlie moves the covers back for Asha to crawl under. Laying in silence for a while, the two just exist together for a while. When their parents check in on them later, they find the two girls sleeping. Asha snores gently, arm flopped over her cousin. Charlie lays curled up. Letting Asha protect her. Neither pair of parents can find it in their hearts to separate the two. Just covers them with an extra blanket and kiss to their heads.

Let them get whatever sleep they can.

[things2mustdo]

I live in America, and I am happily married, with kids. I do not write this because I am more manly, or intelligent, or successful than you; I am not. I write this to share the main key to my success: patriarchal, traditional religion.

I am writing from my own religious convictions, which I believe are true. You are free to disagree, but you may still find value here. I have read the writings of other religions, and consider them “True Myths,” useful for their wisdom, even though I may disagree with their theology. Neomasculinity itself is a philosophy that can be accepted by people of different religions, or no religion.

Modern Religion

Modern religion is a feminized wasteland. God exists to impose obligations on men, and excuses women’s evil acts. Faith is blind, irrational, and collectivist.

Men hate modern religion, which is why most churches in the West are demographically imbalanced toward women. Men are bored to death with touchy-feely sermons, endless committee meetings, female gossip, and the losers sitting in the pews around them. This is not how it should be.

Patriarchal Religion

Patriarchal religion is interesting to men. It teaches that God is a man, creator of rationality, slayer of evil men, protector of the innocent:

Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. (Psalm 144:1)

In male-led churches, women are taught to be respectful to their fathers, husbands, and legitimate authority. They understand that their role is to raise and care for children, and support their husband’s mission:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

In patriarchal religion, female sins, like rebellion, envy, dishonesty, hypergamy, dressing and acting like a whore, and “hamstering” or rationalizing sin are condemned:

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. (Genesis 3:6)

I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. (1 Timothy 2:14)”

This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’ (Proverbs 30:20)

Finding A Virtuous Woman

All women are tempted towards sins like envy, but not all women act on their impulses. In spite of what many observe in the West, I have met many virtuous women: few sexual partners before marriage, respectful, submissive to their husbands, physically fit, feminine, good mothers. Most are in the older generations, especially before the Boomers. Most are involved in traditional religion. There are fewer younger women who are virtuous, and every single one that I have met is involved in traditional religion. They tend to be more rural, from small churches.

Traditional religion can be extremely helpful to finding and vetting women. It provides a community with certain values that you want in a woman, and it provides reliable references for a person’s character. A woman who spent her younger years “out in the world” and came back at 29 be a “born-again-virgin” is a red flag, but a woman in her early 20s who teaches Sunday School and helps with the potluck dinners is far more likely to be wife material. The older women in the church will usually let you know if a woman is a whore.

Patriarchal Religion Helps Control Women’s Sinful Tendencies

Traditional religion acts as a curb (but not a cure) for women’s immoral, rebellious, destructive behavior. My wife goes to a women’s bible study group, where she often receives instruction from older religious women. This includes things like telling her to be submissive to me, lose weight and be healthy, not waste money, have cheerful sex on a regular basis, and to learn how to get some control over her emotions:

Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands. (Titus 2:3)

One of my wife’s friends once corrected her attitude toward sex, saying: “you need to view your body as a sheath for your husband’s sword.” She now routinely thanks me after we have sex. I am not a natural alpha, but I have little fear that my wife is going to suddenly cut off sex if I have a minor slip up.

Band Of Brothers

With this great power comes great responsibility. As a patriarch, I am commanded to lead my family, instructing my wife and kids on how to act properly, with genuine love for their well-being. I must be on top of my game, be physically fit, and think rationally when my wife is irrational. I attend a men’s Bible study, where we talk about leading as men. Every man in my group owns a gun, and we often go shooting together.

We encourage, support, teach, and correct each other. I have had sharp, intense, discussions with my pastor and men in my church about my own character and life decisions. Things are handled like men, discussed in the open, with real-talk (not rhetorical bullshit), and masculine love and concern for each other. This has aided me in thinking deeply about my life, and correcting bad decisions I have made.

Awhile back we helped another man who was on the verge of divorce. He was working 100 hours a week because he would not stand up to his employer, and had no energy to lead his family. We told him that the marriage counseling he was getting was bullshit (“talk about your feelings more!”), and that his slavish attitude toward his employer was making his wife lose respect for him. The women in our church also talked to his wife about choosing to be respectful and submissive, in spite of her rebellious emotions.

He cut back hours at work, which enabled him able to be captain of his ship again. This, along with training his wife received, helped her become more respectful. Now, his wife is less of a bitch, and they have sex several times a week. I doubt this would have happened without patriarchal religion.

Children

We see that our culture is toxic, feminized, and immoral. Men need a place to raise children apart from these toxins, and church is a great place to do this. My kids go to Sunday School classes where they are taught to be respectful to me, my wife, and legitimate adult authorities. We have several families with well-disciplined children that we can trust won’t corrupt our kids. My wife often takes the kids for play-dates so she can socialize with wholesome women, which is a great alternative to sitting around on social media all day.

Conclusion

Patriarchal, traditional religion will not change female nature, but it can help restrain it. This is how past generations maintained civilization. I can confidently say that traditional religion is the main reason I can maintain a happy marriage in this cesspool of a culture. Those who are not religious might consider other institutions that may provide similar support for their marriage and child-raising.

Read More: This Accidental Experiment Shows The Superiority Of Patriarchy

[razberryyum]

undefined

The Untamed/陈情令 Rewatch, Episode 15

(spoilers for everything MDZS/Untamed)

[covers MDZS chapters 57 and 58]

Yunmeng pain meter: 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 out of a possible 10 🔪  

(no WangXianness to measure, so I’m counting knives instead)

I’m going to be honest: the next couple of episodes are NOT my favorites in the series. First of all, there’s the almost unrelenting Yunmeng pain we’re subjected to, followed by that weirdness in Yiling (which I will get into when I get there) and then there’s even more pain. Not to mention, Lan Zhan’s pretty much MIA during this episode and the next three, and while it’s understandable why he’s not involved, I still really felt his absence and missed him a lot. As a result, I kind of dragged my heels on getting to this episode during this rewatch since I wanted to give myself some time to prepare for the arduous emotional turmoil that lied ahead. Stupidly, as a means of procrastination, I decided to read “The [Dumb] Husky and his White Cat Shizun” (aka 2HA/二哈和他的白猫师尊) by Meatbun Does Not Eat Meat, thinking that it would perhaps provide me with a bit of levity before I delved into all the Yunmeng pain.  Oh my God, was THAT a WRONG decision.  HORRIBLY WRONG. It was equivalent to me choosing to jump into the hot oil in order to escape from the frying pan...so now the frying pan isn’t looking too bad anymore. Here’s the thing, I had not read any spoilers about 2HA, only heard that it was really good, and I figured, it had to at least be less painful than MXTX-laoshi's Heaven Official’s Blessing (aka TGCF/天官赐福) because I DID hear how painful that is, so even though TGCF is also in my queue, I figured, I’ll read 2HA first to alleviate my mood. I am literally still trying to recover from the emotional scars that 2HA left in my poor weak heart. Seriously, Meatbun-laoshi owes me 300 more chapters of bliss to make up for all that suffering. It’s not that MXTX-laoshi didn‘t leave scars on my heart—I have plenty from MDZS/The Untamed too, and to a lesser degree from Scum Villain as well—but I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that 2HA left two-fold the amount of both of them combined.  I shudder to think what TGCF is going to do to me since I’ve been told in terms of devastation it’s even worse than MDZS and SVSSS, but I’m not sure how it ranks next to 2HA.  Just to be on the safe side, I definitely don’t think I’m going to touch that novel until I’ve finished crying through The Untamed all over again.  

And wow did I cry a lot during this episode, and it’s only the start of the Yunmeng pain.  I chose to highlight the scene above where Madame Yu bitch-slaps the shit out of Wang Lingjiao because it’s really the only jovial-adjacent moment in this episode and the next ones. The first time I saw this scene, I laughed my ass off and cheered out loud since Madame Yu was doing what I pretty much wanted to do to Wang Lingjiao since back in the Xuanwu of Slaughter’s cave when she branded Wei Ying. But now, it doesn’t bring me as much joy as it did when I watched it for the first time, knowing that it is the essential domino that gets knocked over which lead to the subsequent cascade of events that brought about the near-obliteration of the Yunmeng Jiang sect, the deaths of Mama and Papa Jiang, all the emotional and physical suffering that the three Yunmeng siblings experience, and of course the drastically different and ultimately tragic turn that Wei Ying’s life takes. So even though the bitch-slap scene still makes me smile, it mostly fills me with dread now, especially because of how quickly things take a turn for the worse. Of course I wish Madame Yu had succeeded in murdering every Wen sect member in that room, that Wang Lingjiao didn’t get a chance to summon Wen Zhuliu or succeed in sending that signal to bring Wen Chao and the wrath of the Wen sect down upon the Yunmeng Jiang sect. But perhaps what is the saddest aspect of the whole thing is, even if none of that happened, that STILL doesn’t mean the Jiangs and the rest of the sect would have escaped their destiny because there was no way Wen Chao or even Wen Ruohan would have let them get away with killing Wang Lingjiao and Wen sect members. So the destruction of the Yunmeng sect was inevitable sooner or later. More importantly, if the events didn’t lead to Wei Wuxian losing his golden core, getting thrown in the Burial Mounds, and practicing demonic cultivation, then the Wen sect’s rule over the cultivation world, and maybe even the world in general, would’ve been absolute and undeterred since the Sunshot Campaign was pretty much won because of Wei Ying. So basically, there is no way to escape horror and tragedy: no matter what line of dominoes got knocked over, they all eventually lead to an abyssmal pit of misery.  

So Many Tears

Really I should just go through this episode by tracking the amount of times I teared up or straight up just cried, starting with this moment:

Seeing Madame Yu whip Wei Ying just made my heart ache so much: it’s one of my least favorite scenes of the entire show; so much so that this might be only the second time I’ve watched this moment all the way through. Actually, I can probably say the same about this episode and the next one as well: I think this is only the second time that I’ve been able to sit through these episodes from beginning to end since the first time I watched them. What makes this scene especially sad for me is the uncertainty of whether or not Madame Yu was just whipping Wei Ying for show and took no pleasure in it, or did she secretly relish this opportunity because she disliked Wei Ying that much. Considering their history, it’s hard not to believe that it’s probably mostly the latter. And while I want to think that she would have felt bad about cutting off Wei Ying’s hand, the unfortunate truth is that I’m sure she would’ve gotten over that pretty quickly. If it wasn’t for Wang Lingjiao bringing up the matter of turning their home into a supervisory office for the Wen Sect, Wei Ying definitely would have lost that hand, that was pretty clear. It’s rather disheartening that Madame Yu didn’t even try to talk Wang Lingjiao out of that punishment. I remember wishing that at the last minute she would come around and ask for mercy on Wei Ying’s behalf, even though that would have been out of character for her.  So while her compliance wasn’t unexpected, it was still disappointing at the same time because if it had been Jiang Fengmian, no doubt SOME attempt would’ve been made to save Wei Ying’s hand. But at the end of the day, that’s unfortunately the nature of Wei Ying’s relationship with Madame Yu, which to me is one of her biggest flaws as a person. I love her overall, I think I’ve made that pretty clear, but her inability to forgive the existence of this orphan and accept him as one of her own is really her most upsetting trait, because even though she’s constantly arguing with her husband, she obviously does love and care about him.

I actually thought this was a really sweet moment since it plainly showed how much Madame Yu cared about Jiang Fengmian, even though she would never admit so in front of everyone, and I love the “kids” reaction. They’re probably used to scenarios like this so their little smiles just made the moment cuter and more real.

Even though what we’ve seen of the interactions between the Jiang parents was usually contentious, I appreciate the fact that we also got some sweetness like this moment, even though it also made me sad that they couldn’t be more loving to each other because Madame Yu couldn’t  get over her own petty jealousy over a dead woman. I actually teared up during the scene when her Zidian transferred over to her husband right after Jiang Fengmian clearly expressed his doubt it would answer to him.  

To me, this moment really encapsulated how disharmonious their relationship was, how out of sync they were as a couple. Even though Madame Yu clearly loved her husband enough to grant him ownership of her most prized sentient weapon, she never told him and he himself had NO IDEA of his wife’s feelings for him whatsover to the point that he didn’t even think the weapon would respond to him.  There’s just something so sad about that whole scenario that it literally makes my heart ache for the Jiangs. I really wish there had been more understanding, communication and forgiveness in their marriage, and less jealousy, resentment and obstinacy.  It wouldn’t have changed their fates, but at least their time together would have been happier and their family life would’ve been more joyful and peaceful.  

Even More Tears for Wei Wuxian

My heart really broke for Wei Ying during both Madame Yu and Jiang Fengmian’s farewell scenes with their children because of how obviously different they treated him compared to Jiang Cheng and Shijie. I think when this episode first aired, I had only started reading the novel so I didn’t know just how bitter Madame Yu felt towards Wei Ying; therefore, when I initially watched this moment, I was actually holding on to the hope that at the last minute, she would come around and even if she did not give him a hug then perhaps at least she would soften up a little towards him. 

Of course that was super crazy wishful thinking on my part, and honestly considering how this was the last time she would ever see Wei Ying again—this boy whom she more or less watched grow up into a man—she was pretty fucking brutal. The contrast between her attitude toward her son and Wei Ying almost took my breath away. I can only imagine Wei Ying probably never felt more unloved and like a servant than in that moment. Just looking at the screencap right now is making my eyes well up again for him. He looked so HURT. 

Not to mention, her last words to Wei Ying really is pretty devastating, considering how momentous a catalyst it ended up being. He essentially gave up his life and future because of her words. And it’s not that Wei Ying wouldn’t have sacrificed himself for Jiang Cheng anyway, but I’m sure her words, and Jiang Fengmian’s shortly after, is what drove him on to make the decision he did at Yiling, which lead to just about every tragic event in this first lifetime afterwards.  

Speaking of Jiang Fengmian’s farewell, it also made my heart hurt so much for Wei Ying because even though Papa Jiang’s good-bye was much more warm and gentle than Madame Yu’s, if there ever was even a smidgen of suspicion in Wei Ying’s mind that the rumors of him being Jiang Fengmian’s illegitimate child were true, his final parting words and gesture to him compared to how he is with Jiang Cheng and Shijie had to have put that thought to rest.  

There was no tender face touching, just a good old shoulder grab followed by instructions to take care of his two children. I know the argument would be, well, Jiang Cheng and Shijie ARE his actual biological children, why wouldn’t Jiang Fengmian be more affectionate towards them in their final time together? Very valid, of course, but I guess I was also hoping his actions wouldn’t be any different among the three of them because he seemed to have really loved Wei Ying as well, to the degree that both his son and wife got jealous of his seeming favoritism. If only Madame Yu was also present to see this moment, she would probably realize all her jealous accusations and suspicions over the years really were utterly stupid and pointless.

They Cry, I Cry

I would have to be a monster to NOT cry during this scene. I was a sobbing mess, and really. I don’t think I’ll ever not be one during this scene no matter how many times I watch it. Frankly, I don’t even want to see it again after this time because it’s just too unbelievably sad. This whole episode really drains me, and yet I know the worst is yet to come.  

Ode to Jin Zhu and Yin Zhu

These two ladies who are essentially Madame Yu’s right and left hands barely had any screen time or dialogue, but they more than made their mark with what they little had. Just by their defiant attitudes and the way they stood up to Wang Lingjiao, they were able to successfully convey both their status in the Jiang household and their strength of character. I really loved the economy and effectiveness of their brief time on-screen. Talk about making every single second count.  Not to mention, they were able to hold off Wen Zhuliu long enough to allow their mistress to properly say good-bye to her son, and that is definitely no small feat to accomplish. I wish we had more time with them but I do believe these two loyal attendants deserve some solid recognition and accolades.  

I Hate This Asshole

I wish the Wens had killed this SOB too when they obliterated his sect.  I don’t dislike Jin Guangyao or Xue Yang, but I absolutely dislike Sect Leader Yao. 

VOMIT

I HATE everything about this scene, and to be honest, I hate just about every scene involving Wen Ruohan in his throne room. The performance by Xiu Qing is just so horrible that I truly don’t understand WHY they gave him so much more screen time since that’s not how it was in the novel at all. I think Wen Ruohan only popped up twice in the source material, with the second time being his death scene. I know this was probably Team CQL’s way of extending the episode count but man was Wen Ruohan poorly cast. Why couldn’t they find someone closer to his donghua counterpart? Instead we’re stuck with this greasy old man who overacts in every single freaking scene he’s in. I’m not familiar with this actor’s work, I looked him up and I don’t think I’ve seen most of the shows he’s in so if he’s actually a well-respected veteran actor or something like that, and that’s why they expanded his role in The Untamed, then, wow, I’m sorry, I am just not a fan at all.  As for the other crap going on in that throne room, don’t even get me started on those shitty Yin Metal zombies. So. Damn. CRINGEY. Everything about these Qishan scenes are really a big blemish on the show. 

Questions I Still Have

Don’t really have any...really too sad to think.

Overall Episode Rating: 7 Lil Apples out of 10

[dontshootmespence]

Yesterday I Was Clever,  Today I Am Wise

Summary: Bogged down by the memories of people hurt and cases unsolved, Spencer turns to dilaudid for a second time, leaving his wife distraught and with no other options than to offer an ultimatum - kick the drugs or lose her. Will he continue his downward spiral and lose it all?

Words: 2,199

Warnings: Drug addiction and withdrawals, marriage problems, suicidal ideations. 

A/N: My next entry for @cmbingo! This fulfills my reassignment square. This is a follow-up to How Did We End Up Here? It was one of my very first pieces and I never intended to do a sequel to it, but once @alisoncdariel went all hyper in my inbox and asked if I’d do a sequel, I checked my Bingo card and I thought this could really work! I hope you enjoy! <3

For weeks after Y/N walked out of the BAU, Spencer floated around the BAU, inhabiting it like a ghost - papers moved, the clacking of keyboard keys could be heard, reports were submitted and cases continued to get solved - but he wasn’t present, not really. 

Everyone knew. If it had gone under the radar at all the first time around, it hadn’t now. 

“Reid, can I see you in my office?” Hotch called, his head poking out from his office.

Spencer glanced up and nodded silently, placing his pen back into the cup that held it before going to see what his boss needed. When he walked in the room, he saw the entire team, minus Rossi, standing there and turned to walk out, but Morgan slammed the door before he could leave, glaring at him to shut up and listen. “We know, kid. We all know.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t bullshit me,” Morgan snapped. His heart broke for his little brother, but it had to be done. “You’re not the only smart one here.”

Reluctantly, Spencer sat in the chair in front of Hotch’s desk and listened as they all cried. “You need help, Spence,” JJ said, sniffling. “You can’t keep going like this.”

“I’m fine. I can still do my job. I function.”

Hotch glared so hard Spencer could practically feel the holes being bored into his skull. “Barely. This isn’t an intervention, Reid. It’s an ultimatum.”

That caught his attention. “What are you talking about?”

“Either get help and get off the drugs or lose your job. We will be for you every step of the way if you need us and want our help, but I cannot let this go on.  I failed you once before. Not again.”

Vibrating with anger, Spencer stood up and felt the pull again, wanting nothing more than to bolt toward the door, drive home and shoot up until he couldn’t feel anymore. “So my wife leaves me, I have nothing and you threaten to take away the one thing that helps me live? Breathe? Forget all the bullshit we see? Fuck you all.”

He turned to leave and was stopped in his tracks when Hotch told him where Rossi was. “He’s in your apartment right now searching every nook and cranny of your apartment with other members of the Bureau that have been sworn to secrecy as a favor to me. There will be nothing there when you get back and whether you want our help or not one of us will be keeping you under surveillance at all times over the next couple of weeks.”

Spencer didn’t reply. He barely moved a muscle before looking toward Morgan, who still stood in front of the door. “Move.”

Grabbing his messenger bag on the way out of the office, Spencer sped into the elevator without another word. Maybe if he was lucky withdrawal symptoms would take him in the middle of the night.

                                                             ------

Walking out on Spencer had been the hardest thing you’d ever done, but something needed to change and he needed to be the one to change it; you couldn’t do it for him.

Some days you could go to and from work like any other day, acting as though you weren’t missing the love of your life with every fiber of your being, but other days the pain became unbearable. You should’ve come home and gotten a head start on the next day’s work, but instead you cried yourself to sleep, waking up hours later to the vibrating of your cellphone underneath your pillow.

“Hello?” You asked, voice croaking. 

You hadn’t even opened your eyes to see who was calling and then you heard his voice - raw and wounded. “Y/N? Please, I-”

“Spence, I can’t,” you replied, heart sinking into your chest like a black hole. “Things can’t go on like this. I have to go, I-”

“Please!?” He begged into the phone. “I’m not asking you to come back to me. Not yet anyway. I’m-” His voice cut off and you heard him stifle a grunt of pain. “The team raided my apartment. They took everything I had and it’s been 26 hours. The pain is-” Each word he spoke wavered more and more, pain overtaking his body until you heard him collapse to the floor of the home you’d once shared. “I just need to see you...until the pain subsides. Please...I know what I’ve put you through and that I don’t deserve this, but I need you.”

“I won’t bring you drugs.”

“I’m not asking you too. Just, please.” Maybe this was the kick in the ass he’d needed. But you weren’t going to get too hopeful just yet.

“I’ll be right there.”

Morgan had been sitting in his car watching Spencer’s apartment to make sure he didn’t try and go out to buy any replacement drugs. With a silent thank you, you rushed up the stairs and opened the door to see your apartment destroyed. Somehow, his drugs had gone missing. Once this was over you’d ask him what happened, but he’d come home to look for his secret stashes and found nothing. 

You found him in the bathtub fully clothed under ice cold water. “Spence...”

Crouching down, you pressed a hand to the side of his face and he opened his eyes. “Y/N...thank you.”

There wasn't much you could do for him. Apparently, he’d been using again for a while at an even higher dose than he’d used before. The drugs had to work their way out of his system. 

You called into work and took off claiming a family emergency. For the next six days, you cleaned his sweat-soaked laundry, prepared cold compresses, cooked whatever food he could eat and held him as the shakes took over. 

When he could speak without searing pain, he attempted to apologize, to beg you to come back, but it wasn’t that easy. He’d kicked the drugs for the second time and that was a start, but they weren’t the main problem. “It’s what lead you to take the drugs, Spence. Our lack of communication. The pain you see firsthand every day. Your inability to let me be my own person and make my own choices to bear those burdens with you. I’m not saying our marriage isn’t able to be saved. I still love you to the moon and back, but our relationship needs more than just a bandaid.”

Solemnly, he nodded, fresh tears falling from his lashes like stars in the sky. “I understand. But-but we can still try, right? As long as I’m willing to put in the work?”

“Absolutely. I’m willing if you are.”

                                                            ------

In the ensuing weeks, Spencer had to earn back Y/N’s trust little by little. As much as he hated to admit that the drugs had wormed their way back into his life for a second time, they had, and they weren’t responsible for his downward spiral - at least not wholly. 

Day after day, he went to NA meetings, vowing to go to at least one a week for the rest of his life no matter how clean he felt. It was a promise to no one but himself. With each passing day, he got stronger and stronger, feeling mentally and physically better than he had in years. 

“How are you feeling today?” Y/N asked, pressing a kiss to his lips as he walked in the door. They still weren’t living together again yet. They’d been apart for three months, but they talked or visited at least once a day and things finally felt like they were on the upswing again. “Better and better. Therapy is helping too.”

“I knew it would,” she whispered, blissfully resting her head against his chest. “We can start going as a couple too if that helps.”

Hesitating, Spencer kissed the top of her head. “Possibly yeah. I actually wanted to discuss what we’ve been talking about for the past few weeks.”

“Okay...” she said with a hint of uncertainty. “You sure?”

“Yes. Um, I told him that I didn’t want to burden you with what I see every day because it’s so personal and up close, and he understood that. With what we see every day, to pass that onto someone else almost feels negligent-”

“Spence, you have to-”

“Let me finish,” he pleaded. “I realize that I need to talk about these things with you and going forward, when things come back to me and I feel like I can’t handle them I’ll do that, but that doesn’t mean I need continue doing what I do.”

Eyes widening, Y/N leaned back against the kitchen counter. “You want to quit the BAU?”

“I don’t want to. I love making a different and I love the people I work with, but I can’t do it anymore and I think it’s okay for me to admit that. I was actually talking with him about reassignment within the Bureau - something that still made me feel like I’m helping people without being so ‘on the front lines’ so to speak. Maybe counterintelligence or counter terrorism, utilizing my profiling to go over reports and decipher where and when and how attacks might take place. It would be less fieldwork, which means I’d be further removed from the horror of it all, you know? Plus I’d be home more. We could start the family we always wanted and if I really wanted to I could consult for the BAU on occasion.”

It all made sense and she loved the idea of him being home. Before his downward spiral, they’d dreamt of starting a family, but she had to make sure. “You’ve been doing this for so long. It’s been a part of who you are. If you stop, do you think you could come to resent me? Like I made you choose between me and the BAU?”

“You didn’t. You aren’t. I love what I do, but I love you more. And my time at the BAU would still be an integral part of who I am. I’d just be allowing myself to grow, while taking care of myself and ensuring that I never leave you with the images running around in my head.”

With a subtle smile, Y/N tilted her head up and kissed Spencer’s chin. He sounded confident. He sounded like he knew what he wanted and how to get there. He was so much more comfortable in his own skin now. “If you think this is what’s best for you and our relationship, then I’m with you. I still think we should go to some couple’s therapy though. While you adjust to whatever new position you have?”

“That makes sense. I just know I need a change. Not because I don’t like what I do but because I need to take care of myself and it’s too much for me now. It reminds me of a quote for the 13th-century Persian poet, Rumi.”

Y/N giggled softly into his chest. In his downward spiral, he’d lost his love of info-dumping, which was one of the things she’d always loved about him. “What is it?”

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

                                                           ------

Shortly after they spoke about reassignment, Spencer went over his options with Hotch and the rest of the team, who were all totally on board with his decision so long as they got together once a week for dinner. “And you text me at least three times a week, Boy Wonder,” Penelope had added.

Counterterrorism was more than happy to take him on; his reputation preceded him. Analyzing reports had him doing a lot of what he had been doing with the BAU, just more removed from the field than his former work. There was a slightly different kind of pressure on him - the lives of thousands or millions on his mind rather than one - but it didn’t affect him as much as working with individuals had. 

While he adjusted to his new position, he and Y/N attended therapy once a week to discuss old traumas he’d endured and how they could both handle it going forward.

Reassignment wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one.

“Hey, baby,” Y/N greeted as Spencer walked in the door just in time for dinner. With his new job, came a tighter schedule. He was home for dinner nearly every night. “How was work?”

“Still getting used to things, but my brain is still working and I’m still helping people, so I feel okay. I just have to get used to not working with my friends every day more than anything.”

“That’ll come with time,” she replied. “Maybe we can have them over for dinner next week as long as they don’t have a case?”

“I’d love that.” Spencer crossed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and taking a moment to appreciate the smell of her shampoo and the softness of her skin. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not giving up on me, on us.”

[emdythewriter]

Wish it was love | chapter four (rowaelin)

A/N: side note, there’s a little elorcan in this and I added it in because there will be a spin off fic for them either towards the end of Elide’s trial or after. I haven’t decided when the fic will be posted but if it’s something you’re interested in feel free to message me about being on the tag list!

___

“Aelin,” Rowan had followed her out of the apartment after they had gotten Elide settled and put to bed in her guest room. He knew she was pissed, her anger had only grown as they sat with Elide and listen to her tell them what had happened. Rowan found out that the brunette was a close family friend from Aelin’s childhood and had been taken into custody by her uncle after her parents died when she was young.

Elide had told him how even after turning eighteen and putting restraining orders and reporting the abuse her uncle had inflicted nothing stopped him from getting to her. So Aelin had helped the girl hide, keeping as far away from The Ferian Gap as possible. She was supposed to be safe in Rifthold where she had found a steady job working at a café and doing online classes at the local community college. Elide had been safe for two years until her uncle got out of prison and tracked her down. That’s when the beating happened and if it weren’t for her neighbors calling the cops Elide would not have made it out alive.

Rowan understood what that knowledge did to Aelin. The fact that she hadn’t been there, that she had left when she got the job at Terrasen University, she was blaming herself for what happened to her friend. He followed her out because he knew Aelin would only end up in a cell herself if she didn’t have Rowan.

“Aelin,” he said once again this time grabbing her and pulling her into him until she had to lean up and look at him. They were standing in the parking lot of the Rifthold Police Station and if this was a cartoon smoke would be coming out of Aelin’s ears she was that mad. “You need to breath, babe.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down right not Rowan,” Aelin said as she jerked her arm out of his grip, but she didn’t back away from him so that was a good sign. She was listening to him, hearing the advice he would give her even if she choose to neglect it in the long run, which was highly likely.

“You don’t have to calm down, believe me I’m just as pissed and I just met Elide,” Rowan said, arms crossed over his chest and green focused in on her turquoise lined with gold eyes. “But don’t let him see that, it’ll only fuel his satisfaction and lead to your arrest.”

“Maybe I don’t care about being arrested,” Aelin taunted and he would’ve believed her if it was anyone else they were talking about. From what she had told Rowan on the drive to the station Elide didn’t know how to protect herself like Aelin did. Or Aedion. Or Lysandra. Or Dorian even who wasn’t all that strong yet. It made the family Elide had all the more protective of her.

“Of course you do,” Rowan said with a chuckle, framing her face with his palms. Her hands came up and cupped his knuckles as he continued talking her down. Which is what was happening whether Aelin liked it or not. “We’re going to protect her, I promise you that, but the way we do it will not be above the law. Let’s not stoop to this bastard’s level.”

Aelin nodded, feeling herself relax at Rowan’s words. She wasn’t completely calmed though and he could tell considering how tense her body still remained. Yet he knew they would walk in their side by side as a team rather than him chasing after a bloodthirsty assassin.

“Ready?” Rowan asked looking over her face once more. Aelin nodded and he leaned down to peck her lips before grabbing her hand and resuming their walk inside. When they entered through the glass doors Aelin took the lead and went right to the front desk.

“Hey I was hoping to get some information on the Lochan arrest tonight,” Aelin said with all the confidence in her voice. Rowan smiled as she easily wrapped her talons around the officer at the front desk that looked young enough to be a rookie.

“Are you family?” The officer asked giving her a hesitating look all the while checking her out. Rowan didn’t feel any jealousy as he watched the scene, mostly because he knew the kid didn’t stand a chance against Aelin but also because he knew she was all his.

“Of Elide Lochan yes,” Aelin answered with a feline smile. She knew she had the officer in the palm of her hand and was now using that to her advantage. “I’d like to know what happened and if there is anything my cousin can do to protect herself from him.”

“I’m not sure I can tell you that ma’am,” the boy said with a nervous tone, his voice slightly stuttering at the end. Rowan bit his lip to stop the chuckle that wanted to escape his throat. He loved watching this woman work her magic.

“Sure you can,” Aelin said sweetly, leaning into the desk. “I’m family after all.” Rowan watched as she trailed a finger down the side of the boy’s face, causing him to pale and stumble over whatever words he was trying to get out next. She had done it, he thought just before another voice cut in to break the spell.

“Galathynius,” Aelin’s head shot up. She knew that voice too well and she hated that she hadn’t looked to see if her was here, she cursed herself for not doing that. Over the rookie’s shoulder stood Chaol Westfall, folder in hand and scowl on his face. What caught her attention however was the silver ring that flashed on his finger, very knew she thought as she straightened up. “I’m not at all surprised you’re here.

“Why would you be?” Aelin asked with a shrug, feeling Rowan come up to her side. He was showing that she wasn’t alone, that she was part of a team because he knew who this was. Aelin had told him about her and her ex-boyfriend when they first became friends, so he knew the reason behind their split as well. “I see you finally settled,” Aelin said pointing to the ring.”

“I did,” he said looking down to the ring as if he forgot he was wearing it, but when he looked back up there was a bright smile on his face. He was happy, and even though Aelin wanted to resent him for it she couldn’t because that’s all she had wanted for him in the end. All she had wanted for herself too. “Let’s head back to my office.”

Aeling walked ahead, Rowan following close behind her as they headed down the narrow hall and to the office Chaol now resided in. He closed the door behind them once all three of them were inside and gestured for her and Rowan to take a seat in the two brown leather chairs. She laid herself across it while Rowan stood behind her, hands resting on the back of the chair.

“You’re here about Elide no doubt,” Choal said as he sat down in the chair behind his desk, setting the file down as well. Aelin nodded, her eyes going to the file and then back to him. “How is she?” When they were dating Aelin had told him about her friend, he had even helped her with restraining orders when that’s all they could do in the end. They had no evidence of the abuse when Elide had attempted to file charges so nothing stuck.

“She’s shaken but Aedion is with her now,” Aelin said and Chaol nodded. He had known her cousin too, they had actually been friends for a time until the breakup happened and Aedion had picked a side. “I took some photos this time,” she said as she fished her phone out of her back pocket and opened up the photo album app. She lied the device on the desk and let Chaol look over the photos.

“Shit,” he said as he took in the bruises which turned out covered more than just her face. When Aelin had calmed Elide down and managed to get her in the bath that’s when she saw the full damage. The bastard had done a number on his niece. She had bruises on her ribs and cuts on her legs and an extremely purple bruise on her shoulder blade. Elide was lucky nothing seemed to be broken, though Aedion said he was still taking her to the doctor in the morning after he saw the damage. “Mind if I upload them to the file on my computer?”

“Please,” Aelin asked with a wave of her hand. As Chaol did that she decided to take inventory of his office. Last she knew he was still an officer but it looked like he had worked his way up to detective and then some. The wall behind him had two floor to ceiling bookshelves in each corner. In between were different news articles either mention Chaol or someone else he knew, there was even one about his wife. “You married Yrene Towers?”

“You know my wife:?” Chaol asked looking over at Aelin briefly as the photos still loaded. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew her name, she’s a well-renowned doctor,” he said, which was true and evident based off all the articles he hung up. Obviously Chaol was very proud of his wife. “But you say it as if you’ve met her.”

“We were friends in high school, but she moved,” Aelin answered before turning to look at something else. He nodded before going back to his computer. She looked at the photos he placed on the windowsill next to her, there was a wedding photo, one of him and Dorian at said wedding and then one of a baby, a newborn from the looks of it. “Congrats.”

Chaol looked up to see Aelin focused on the picture of his son, who had only been born a few months ago. The picture was from the hospital. “Thanks, he’s only three months now but already a handful.”

“Sounds like someone else we both know,” Aelin commented with a smile, causing Chaol to laugh as well. “You heard from him lately?”

“Last I knew he was following Manon somewhere on the other side of the world,” he answered with a smile. Dorian was rich enough to do that and most of the time Aelin thought Manon liked seeing him spend all his money on winning her over, and he did every single time.

“He should just marry her already,” Aelin said causing both men in the room to laugh. Rowan had been helping train Dorian in his free time when their friend had asked to learn how to fight. After the shocking death of his father, who wasn’t much of a father to begin with, Dorian had been shaken up and wanted to get out of his skin so he turned to fighting.

‘Anyways about Elide,” Chaol said, folding his hands on his desk. Aelin swung her feet to the floor and leaned forward. “I can use to photos to help the case against him but she will need to come in and given a testimony otherwise this might not go very far in court.”

“And Vernon?” Aelin asked wanting to know more about the bastards move of defense, wanting to prepare herself and Elide for what was yet to come.

“He’s in a holding cell for now but has already been in contact with his lawyer,” Chaol answered and she didn’t like the shadow that passed over his face at the mention of the lawyer.

“Who is it?” Rowan asked from behind her, helping get the words out Aelin wasn’t so sure she could ask, mostly because she was afraid of the answer.

“Perrignton,”

“Damnit,” Aelin said shooting to her feet. She was running her hands through her hair, pacing back and forth across the carpet. “What about for Elide?”

“We’re calling in Manon as soon as Dorian finds her.”

“Let me know when he does.”

“I will.” With that Aelin and Rowan thanked Chaol and headed out of the station and back to her apartment.

___

The next day Rowan went and picked up lunch at their favorite sushi place and brought it back to his office. Aelin had asked if they could meet up and go over everything Chaol had sent her last night on the case. Sure he couldn’t share everything with her and Elide but he had sent as much as they needed to know for now. When Manon was back in town they would meet with her and learn more.

Rowan pushed the door to his office open, Aelin already sitting on the couch against the wall and reading through the file she had printed off. He had stayed over late last night with her and Elide, waiting for the email for the case to be sent through and printed off. Aedion had crashed in the guest room with Elide when they had finally made it back and eventually Aelin was too tired to tell Rowan to head home. Luckily he always had a change of clothes in his car.

“Finally, I’m starving,” Aelin said sitting back against the cushions. He kicked the door closed with his foot and set down the to-go bag so she could grab her rolls. She never used chopsticks, even if they were in public, it was one of the things about her Rowan liked so much. She didn’t care what others thought about her so long as she was satisfied and happy. And if that meant eating sushi with her hands then so be it.

“I wasn’t gone that long,” Rowan said, rolling his eyes as he took a seat next to her and grabbed his own rolls. He leaned back with a pair of chopsticks and took his first bite before starting the conversation. “How’s it looking?”

“No idea,” Aelin said through a mouthful of rice and barely cooked fish. “It looks like they’re going to try using a route involving the fact she’s the reason he got busted for drugs but I can’t puzzle out how that will work in his favor,” she said pointing to a section in the file. “Plus they claimed he has mental health problems and the court his letting him be analyzed.”

“Well he definitely has problems I’ll give them that,” Rowan said as he watched her slip through the papers. “But what kind of mental health problems?”

“Anger management and bipolar disorder,” Aelin answered before stuffing another roll in her mouth. She found what she was looking for and handed the piece of paper over to Rowan. The sheet showed the claim Vernon’s lawyers were going with and the courts allowance for psychological analyzation.

“He’s allowed to do this?” Rowan asked looking at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“People claim this kind of stuff all the time so they can go to a facility instead of a prison cell,” Aelin said with a shrug through Rowan could tell she was praying Vernon would end up in Endovier.

“I don’t like it,” Rowan said, setting the paper back with the rest of them. He ate another roll at the same time she did leaving them in a brief but short lived silence. Aelin chewed unnaturally fast. “Anything good?”

“If we get Elide to give her testimony there’s a good chance the court will swing our way,” Aelin said as she looked over at him. “Especially with the photos we took, the doctor’s note Aedion got and the history of restraining orders.”

“So it’s likely we’ll win?” Rowan asked. It sounded way to easy of a win when talking about something like this. Cases like this happened more than they should and most of the time the victim always seemed to lose, he didn’t want Elide to be one of them. But nothing was ever this easy.

“Manon and Chaol have both said we shouldn’t get our hopes up yet, but right now yes it is looking that way,” Aelin said with a smile. Rowan smiled back knowing they were both happy to get the chance of putting the bastard away and keeping him away from his niece.

As Rowan started to lean into Aelin, the sushi forgotten, his office door swung open and in walked Lorcan. He pulled back and looked at the head coach of the university’s hockey team and sports medicine professor.

“What’s all this?” Lorcan asked, gesturing to the opened file Aelin had spread out on the coffee table. He fully walked into the room, shutting the door behind him and crossing his arms over his chest. Lorcan was built like one of his hockey players, broad shoulders and muscles covering him head to toe. He had played on the defense line up until college and could've gone pro if he hadn’t like coaching more. His black hair was pulled back currently showing off some of the scars he had acquired through his years on the ice. His pretty much black eyes narrowing on them.

“This is Elide’s case,” Aelin said, leaning back into the cushions and stuffing a roll into her mouth. She watched along with Rowan as that information sunk in and the broad man took a seat in the leather armchair next to Aelin.

“What happened to Elide?” Way back when they had found out Elide and Lorcan had had a brief relationship until he went and fucked it up. Aelin and the other woman both hadn’t forgiven him for it but Rowan didn’t care any longer. He could see that his co-worker still cared and wanted to make things right with the younger girl.

“Her uncle was released and tracked her down,” Aelin said throwing the images of Elide’s bruises and cuts at him. Rowan knew she was purposely adding salt to the wound that was Lorcan’s broken heart, though he would never admit that. “Aedion took her to the doctor this morning but she should be back at my place by now.”

“That bastard,” Lorcan muttered under his breath as his eyes scanned every inch of every picture until they were burned into his brain. “What are you going to do?”

“Hopefully,” Aelin said before eating another roll, prolonging her answer and aggravating Lorcan in only the way she could. “Put the piece of shit in Endovier.”

Tag list:

@sleeping-and-books @deliciouslyuniquepizza @chemicha @myfeyrelady @kiss-my-maas @inrealliampain @chaoticskyy @wifeofchrishemsworth @schmlip-scribble @highqueenofelfhame @mybbyfeyre @acourtofbooksandtreasure @rhysieorbuzzard @rowaelinforeverworld @the-regal-warrior @nitrot150 @tswaney17 @highladyofidris @probablysomewhere-else @dayanna-hatter @thebitchupstairs @faerie-queen-fireheart @viajandosinalas @emmejo26 @city-of-fae

(Let me know if you want to be tagged!)