#i say all these things as though i haven’t been too afraid to leave my house for the past 6 months djfjdjfjdjfjjd

[lambentplume]

yapping aimlessly tonight

[pupyuj]

[cw: cnc (reader receiving ofc), g!p ive, somnophilia, exhibitionism, degradation, humiliation, spanking, slapping, etc. (there’s just… a lot going on)]

been having cnc thoughts with ive so this is what i came up with! i’ll try to get some asks done and ehehe i’ve been working on a new fic for a while but ofc i get the block sdkdhsj.. BUT i’ll get out of this little predicament and hopefully come back w more food for you guys 🥰 i hope this was okay! i’m still tryna get my groove back 🤕🙏

p.s. this is like, long asf for no reason so have fun guys! 😭😘

everybody knew (y/n) (l/n) as ive’s brightest little star that was pretty much perfect in all aspects ☺️ nobody adores you more than your members though! you’re their battery, their personal motivational speaker.. but sometimes there’s a better use for you than simple bear hugs and little kisses.. you were the elder members’ toy, and they all love to use you in different ways… 😵‍💫

yujin gets real busy so she doesn’t have a lot of time to relax and do whatever she wants 🙁 poor girl barely has enough time to just sit and watch her favorite show before she has to leave for another schedule! she’s exhausted, angry, and most importantly, so fucking needy 🤭 so one day, she'd come home all tired and grumpy as she usually was... walks lazily towards the bathroom to get changed and wash her face when she notices an underwear of yours haphazardly thrown on the floor, missing the laundry basket nearby... and ofc yujin gets hard! it was annoying, really! how easy she gets horny whenever she sees you or thinks of you—you were too pretty! soon enough, yujin would sneak inside your room all hot and bothered, more than grateful that you were wearing the shortest shorts and the thinnest tank top in your closet.. fuck, yujin could practically cum at the sight of you alone!! yujin never liked touching you without your permission, but she remembered how you never fail to tell any of the unnies about how they "can use you however and whenever they want" and how "you wouldn't have a problem with it".

you were in deep sleep, so you didn't do or say anything at all when yujin swiftly gets rid of your shorts and it turns out you weren't wearing panties at all! god, you were such a slut—you just figured one of the unnies would come into your room and fuck you silly while you're asleep 🤭🤭 best believe yujin would be fully erect with even just the thought of fucking you in your sleep, so taking off her pants was quite ‘liberating’ in sense! ugdhhfhcbsig baby whimpering as she slowly inserts her cock inside you, practically drooling at how tight your pussy was! 😵‍💫 she gets a little scared when you stirred slightly, but then starts thrusting into you in a steady pace once she realizes you weren’t going to wake up any time soon 🫣 omgomg her whining in your ear bcs it’s been so long since she’s been inside you 🥺 sure it might be more fun if you’re awake (yujin needs a good riding right now actually…) but yujin couldn’t wait for that!! and now because she was thrusting inside you so fast and deep, naturally you’re wake up 😰 but you couldn’t even do anything bcs yujin’s pushed your head down to your pillows, telling you to “not say a fucking word” and “take it” and ofc you do that bcs who were you if not yujin’s stupid little pet?? 😋

biting your lip while yujin’s grip on your hair tightens more and more the closer she gets to her climax, afraid of waking the other members up and disturbing their rest :(( yujin pulling your head up roughly just to get a mix of a moan and pained sound out of you.. oh she fucking loved it 😙 seeing you look at her with both fear and lust in your eyes was what made yujin cum! filling you up to the brim but the two of you were far from finished! you haven’t cum yet after all… so expect yujin to manhandle you for the rest of the night bcs one thing she wants more than fucking the lights out of her pretty doll? control.

now… gaeul doesn’t know why but you had a real knack for pissing her off 😒 she never had too much of a problem with it before bcs most of the time you were just doing it for the camera to establish a cute little dynamic between the two of you for the fans to see! it was all fun and games until one day you went too far and gaeul just snaps 😔 the two of you were fooling around in an empty waiting room—making out and being touchy and all that, then you made a stupid joke which gaeul laughed off at first… but then you started to outright insult her and it wasn’t until gaeul has slapped you to shut you up that she realized that oh!! that was what you wanted out of her!! well, that angry reaction anyway… the whole bending you over in front of a vanity mirror and forcing you to watch yourself get fucked from behind was a surprise, but a welcome one 😋😋 she’d ignore your whining about how your hair, makeup, and outfit’s gonna get ruined, only grinning in response when she sees your shaking your head at her desperately bcs it was all becoming too much :(( her cock and her grip on around the back of your neck.. her other hand holding your hip, keeping you steady while she slams into your walls… and now what gaeul couldn’t ignore were your tears, and the pitiful way you’ve started sobbing ☹️

gaeul would’ve stopped right there (she would never want to hurt you on purpose! well except when she slapped you earlier—)… if it wasn’t for the fact that you subtly started to push back into her when she slowed her thrusts bcs she had been worried 🫣🫣 gaeul looking at you all confused and a bit conflicted bcs you literally were sobbing but you looked back at her, urging her to keep going, to keep ruining you… and you didn’t have to tell gaeul twice for her to do just that! “look at how much of a slut you are for me.” her now gripping your hair and pulling you up so you’d look directly at her through the mirror… oh that condescending look in her eyes mixed w disgust and annoyance.. you could’ve cum right there, really! but you knew gaeul would be disappointed if you did so you just stayed there, bent over and spread open like the good pet that you were 🤭 with how loud the two of you were, you were surprised that nobody has come in and interrupted you.. or maybe the noises drove everyone away! 🤔

eughfhdhc the thought of people outside the room hearing all of this.. somehow the idea did nothing but turn you on even more!! now you were moaning gaeul’s name even louder, calling her all of the names she likes through your sobs and whimpers… eventually gaeul feels you claw at her wrist, and that was when she finally came and with you, too!! 😋 as mean as she was, gaeul will definitely kiss the cheek she slapped an infinite amount of times and apologize 🥺 even though she knows it wasn’t going to be the last time you were gonna pull that stunt on her…

rei loves taking care of you! out of all the members, she was the one you stuck to all the time! everyone knows rei and (y/n) are attached to the hip, the pretty best friends who have the best instagram feeds due to each other being their own personal photographer… basically, you and rei were inseparable! 🥰 she knows you like the back of her hand, inside (😉) and out—all that stuff! the two of you didn’t fuck much, mostly bcs all you wanted to do when you’re together was gossip, make jokes, go to pretty places to take pretty pictures of each other… sure you’ll make out every now and then but ultimately, rei doesn’t touch you unless the mood strikes her 😙 and apparently, you coming home drunk out of your mind after a fun night out with your other friends was a good time for ‘the mood’ to hit rei 😚 her swinging the door open and seeing your flushed face, lazy smile, and messy hair.. she didn’t like the smell of alcohol no matter how fancy it was but when it came from you, it smelled nice enough! and then partnered with the very outfit rei helped put together… well, who could blame her for getting so hard?! by the time she sat you down on the couch, her cock was practically begging to be freed but she ignored that feeling for a while! giving you a glass of water to drink, taking off your jacket for you, caressing your hair and pushing strands away from your face.. god, who allowed you to be this pretty??

as rei slowly left kisses from your collarbone up to your jawline, she wondered if it was okay to take advantage of your dazed state like this.. it had to be, right?? you were the one who said the unnies can do whatever they want to you whenever… and rei wasn’t stupid—she knew you just wanted to get fucked for no reason bcs you were a stupid slut. she knew you better than anyone! in fact, she gets a pass for all of this, she’s your best friend after all 😚 it didn’t take long until she had you laying on the couch, with your pants and underwear removed and legs wide open and ready just for her… rei licking her lips at the sight of your wet pussy clenching around nothing, oh how she couldn’t wait to make your scream her name tonight.. 😋 you were exhausted though, barely processing anything that was happening until you felt something stiff and hard entering your pussy.. panic rushes into you until your eyes met rei’s, and then it was just a wave of emotions flooding through your head… confusion, lust, thrill.. and then even more panic when rei pushes in further, moaning loudly at the feeling.. you don’t know why it pained you so, perhaps you weren’t used to feeling rei inside you or maybe it’s bcs you clearly weren’t in the right state of mind to be doing this but fuck, why did that fact turn you on??! but your mind goes blank when rei decided to just force her entire length inside you, her ears tingling at the sound of your choked moan, wanting to hear more until your voice was gone...

"s-so big..." aww you were so cute underneath rei as you whined and weakly tugged on her shirt 🥺 but ugh as much as this all ‘weirdly’ felt good, you just wanted to have a good shower and sleep till the next afternoon.. but rei was intent on keeping you where you were when she pinned both of your hands above your head, using her other hand to clamp your mouth shut when you started to whine in protest 😤 tells you to “be a good slut” and ofc you didn’t want to disappoint your best friend so laid there and let her use you to her heart’s content! rei needed it anyway, what with everything she’s had on her shoulders as of late.. and you would never pass up on the opportunity to be of use to your unnies! after rei’s breeded you for hours on end, expect to be coddled and babied for the next week 💕 perhaps even spoiled 👀 (maybe it’s time i write sugar mommy rei actually…)

now wony… wonyoung’s got a lot to express, okay?! between living up to her ‘perfect idol’ image, schedules, and practices, you can’t exactly blame her when she suddenly just decides she wants to pull you to a corner and fuck you like it’s her last! every time she fucks you there’s always a sense of urgency in her actions… as if the world will explode if fucks you a second longer than she planned 😗 sometimes you feel like just another ‘activity’ in wonyoung’s calendar, there would be a specific date, time, and location when she wants to play with you and truthfully, it makes you feel shitty! she makes you feel shitty! god, the things she does and says to you??? you’re so lucky you’re such a slut that’s super into being practically bullied and humiliated… otherwise you’d be crying while she fucked you (but she’d probably love that) 😙 that ‘urgency’ makes wonyoung do a little of risky things.. especially if she’s desperate and wants to get off to let her frustrations out! all of ive would be alone in a waiting room and she’d literally daydream about fucking you right where you sat and laughed with yujin and rei… then she’d send leeseo out on an adventure (the baby will NOT see this fucking shit AT ALL in her life, wonyoung will make sure of it) before asking you, from across the goddamn room, to suck her cock 😀😀 there would be a pause, then the change in the atmosphere would make you shiver as wonyoung held your confused stare with a confident glare of her own… her ego only getting bigger when yujin nudges you and tells you to obey wony with a knowing smirk… evil, evil girls 🫣

ofc you were scared so you’d be frozen in your seat, trying to figure out if they were all joking or not but nope, they were 100% serious!! frustrated, wony takes up the space in between you and rei, not even giving you a minute to form a thought before lifting her skirt up, pulling her dick out of her compression shorts, and grabbing you by the back of your head 😵‍💫 “you know i don’t like repeating myself, (y/n)-ah.. nor do i like being denied of my pleasure…” and then she was balls deep inside your throat 🤤🤤 she simply loved how your mouth fit around her cock like a glove, making sure to control your pace so that your lips drag on her entire length.. finding joy in the way you’d gag and choke whenever she hits the back of your throat… even your tight grip on her thigh added to the fun—your tears too, ofc!! she’s sick, smiling wickedly while she listens to your muffled moans and your attempts to breathe but failing.. wony would feel bad but you clearly liked this! you weren’t protesting, you weren’t tapping out, you weren’t looking around trying to ask the other unnies for help… in fact, gaeul had already pulled her phone out and started recording you but you didn’t seem to mind! 🫣🫣

“f-fuck, really..? in front of your u-unnies and in a p-place where—oh, shit..!—we could easily be caught?? you’re disgusting…” you can’t see wonyoung but you can just imagine a psychotic expression on her pretty face while she said those words.. nothing makes her more happy than knowing that she can do literally anything and everything to you whenever and wherever… “where next, hm..? o-on stage? in front of dives? y-you wanna show them.. ahh… who you really are?” wonyoung, as well as the rest of the unnies, would burn the entire world if anybody else saw you like they do but it was a nice tease… pulling you up briefly so you could answer.. you frantically shaking your head no bcs the thought genuinely mortified you, then wony laughing at how panicked you looked bcs you knew that if she was pissed enough she would terrorize you during a fansign or something… after a while, she’d be done playing games—moving your head up and down so fast that you can barely keep up ☹️ she’s so desperate to cum it’s not even funny!! and when she did, she came a lot 😋 yujinnie making sure that every single drop is not wasted so she keeps your head down since wony had gone limp, they’re all cruel really 😣😣 but wonyoung, being a gentlewoman, is the one who cleans you up and returns you to your presentable state! becomes super soft bcs she knows she goes overboard sometimes 💔

jiwon is one strange case! she’s lowkey a perv and touches you inappropriately all the time but when it comes to actually fucking… well, suddenly she’s stupid 😭😭 either way, when you told the unnies they can use you… jiwon got more than a few ideas as to how exactly she’ll use you, but never had the courage to do it all! ☹️ but then you’ll find yourself in a situation that completely mirrors that one drunken experience with rei… this time around, jiwon came home completely wasted! she and yujin apparently had too much fun and now you were left to take care of the blondie 😙 she’s slurring, she’s stumbling, falling all over… can’t even take a step without needing to lean towards the wall to support herself 😭 she was GONE gone 💔 and when you hurried over to her side to help her, jiwon catches a whiff of your perfume and her entire demeanor completely changes!! 🫣 “w-what is that perfume you’re wearing..? smells nice… can i…” then she’s hugging you?? face down on your chest, sniffing your shirt, while her hands groped your ass?? “unnie.. come on don’t do this here… we need to get you to your room so you can rest up..” but nope jiwon refuses to listen! your scent alone was enough for her cock to stiffen right up…

first things first though—she has to feel how tight you are with her fingers 😵‍💫😵‍💫 subtly unzipping your jean shorts and slipping her hand inside your panties… literally moaning at how soaked you were, trailing her fingers along your folds as she leaves sloppy wet kisses on your neck.. god it was as if jiwon was completely hypnotized by your scent, going as far as to inhaling your hair and getting her boxers all wet bcs of all the precum that was leaking out of her… being so weak that you don’t do much when she presses your back against the wall 🫣 now rubbing your clit gently.. who knows how many marks she has left on your neck and chest at this point?? she doesn’t care! and jiwon barely bats an eyelash when she hears a pained squeak from you as she suddenly inserts two long fingers inside in your cunt 😵‍💫 she could practically cum at how your tightness just sucks her fingers in.. you’re squirming but you were clenching all around her! and she doesn’t miss the way you’re slightly grinding on her hand.. so she continues her work, fingering you in the best way she knows how… her free hand roaming anywhere she could touch until she grabs a fistful of your hair so you could look at her before she crashes her lips into yours 😋 jiwonie kissing you feverishly and getting so lost in your taste that she doesn’t notice you tightly gripping her wrist bcs she was going too fast… not that she’d care if she noticed anyway 🤭

“mmhn.. need to feel you on me…” jiwon moans in between kisses.. her being so knuckle-deep inside you that it hurts a little but jiwon showed absolutely no signs of stopping! she needs to hear you scream her name, needs to see you cream all over her hand… you looked so pretty with your neck all marked up and a bit of your lower lil bleeding bcs jiwon bit you while kissing you… nobody can blame her for pushing you over the edge to the extreme and making you cry as you came!! 🫣 jiwonie shushing you bcs you ended up being so loud, giggling a little seeing your tears and your swollen lips 🤭 definitely makes you clean up the mess you made on her hand, barely giving you time to react before she’s dragging you to her bedroom by your shirt, more than ready to ruin you until sunrise 🤤

[luveline]

You said you might need ideas for stripper reader! And Spencer and well….

Post Prison Spencer coming home and just being so afraid to touch reader (what if he hurts her?), to take his shirt off in front of reader (the scars - the bruises that didn’t fade, the lost weight) and afraid to tell you about the drugs/what happened because what if you leave and stripper!reader just being like “I love you”, ya know?

No worries if you aren’t interested in this though!!! Love all your works 💕

thank you for your request angel!

—Spencer’s reluctant to touch you in the week he’s released from prison, and you just wanna know why. stripper!reader, 1k

“I don’t like when you stretch like that.” 

“Too provocative?” you ask in a murmur.

“Too painful looking. Does it hurt?” 

You lay on your back with your legs underneath you, having initially been kneeling, but now lowered with your shoulders touching hardwood. It used to hurt more, but dancing requires limberness. Though you aren’t sure you’ll be dancing much longer. 

You hold your hands out for him to help you up. Cruel, he ignores you, sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee curled in his nice hands. “That’s not nice,” you say. 

“Sorry.” He crosses his legs. “I just don’t want you to pull something.” 

“This is so I don’t pull something.” 

“You’re not dancing tonight,” he says. Not demanding, just stating a fact. You haven’t been to the club once in the week since Spencer came home, and you’ve no plans yet to return. 

“I’m going to give you a lap dance.”

Spencer laughs. You’ve known one another a long time now and you’ve never given him one. He’s never asked, and you’ve never wanted to. There’s not much fun in it, maybe, because it’s work, and you associate it with needing things, and selfish hands. 

You get up, holding his gaze as you stand in front of him. He thinks you don’t notice, but Spencer Reid is reluctant to touch you lately and it’s breaking your heart, so you aren’t going to give him a lap dance, but you do need to get close to him. 

“Can I sit in your lap?” you ask quietly. 

Spencer might not want to touch you of his own volition, but he’s yet to deny you something you want. He holds out an arm, his hand a beckoning as you climb into his lap, or over if. You put one knee on one side of him and one knee the other, thighs spread, careful not to press on anything too soft. His lips turn up into a frantic smile. It’s sort of funny, the panic you’d see on men who clearly aren’t used to being touched, but it has a strange thread to it that unnerves you. He’s your boyfriend. He’s very in love with you, he talks of marriage often, he’s begged you to move in. Why is he reluctant to be near you now? 

“Have you changed your mind?” you ask. 

Even as you do his hand is settling on your hip like he can’t help himself. He sounds guilty as he asks, “About what?” 

“‘Bout me.” 

“I could never change my mind about you, I wouldn’t want to,” he says. 

His eyes feel huge when he’s looking at you like this, brown and dark pupil mixed together, expression finally cleared of shame and replaced with a tenderness you’d never seen aimed at you until you met him. You pull one of his curls between your fingers. It isn’t enough. You bury your hand in his hair and hold it out of his face, in love and allowed to be. You can’t believe you had to go almost three whole months without him. 

“Why do you think I did?” he asks. 

“Come on, you know why. You’re acting like you’ve developed a sudden allergy to me.” 

“No,” he says, leaning into your touch. “Is that what’s happening?” 

“Is it… me? Like, I don’t know. Did you have a prison girlfriend?” 

“It’s not like that,” he says with a little laugh, pulling you closer in his lap. Your back arches under his hand, your faces inching closer. 

“It feels like it is, though, Spence. You were gone for so long and you’re acting like you didn’t miss me, and maybe I’m full of myself but I know you did so it has to be something else.” You give his cheek a squeeze, his lips pouting. 

You’d kiss him, usually. 

“I just don’t wanna hurt you,” he says, eyes on your nose. “Again. I don’t think I have it in me.” 

“No, you don’t, and you’ve never hurt me before.” 

He smiles and closes his eyes. “Just left you all by yourself for months while I was on vacation…” 

You’re not quite laughing as you lean down for a small, careful kiss. “That wasn’t your fault,” you say against his lips. 

“I made stupid decisions.” 

“I make them all the time.” 

You kiss him again. He’s relaxing now, you wouldn’t kiss him otherwise, though you can tell he doesn’t know what to do with you like this. “You’re not that out of practice, are you?” you ask, letting your lips follow a trail of their own volition up his cheek. He’s fun to kiss, soft, though not as soft as he was, and your chapstick leaves little kiss prints all over his pale cheek. 

“Spencer, you know I love you? Like, I really love you.” 

“I know.” 

“And nothing you do, nothing that happens to you, could make me stop.” You lift his face by the cheek. “Right?” 

He bats your hand away from his cheek and takes your face into his palms, as if to say, Stop it, I get it. He looks good like this with his scrub of stubble and a bit of confidence about him. “I don’t know what I did to get so lucky with you,” he says, pulling you in, squishing his nose to yours. 

You cover his wrists with your hands and close your eyes. 

He saved you a bunch of times. “You have a very selective memory when you want it to be,” you say gently. “But you can tell me anything. Everything that happened, I want to know. Please, Spence.” Stop carrying it around by yourself.

He nods his head, you can feel it against your nose, his breath on your lips as he says, “Don’t say please.”

“Okay.” You grin. “Is that the only rule?” 

His hand sneaks around to the back of your neck. “Stay where you are,” he murmurs, his lips dragging down to yours. 

You melt in his arms. 

—

my requests are wide open! please like or reblog / reply if you enjoyed, i hope u did!!❤️

[fxrmuladaydreams]

the sensible decision (sv5) (dr3)

pornstar!seb x camgirl/pornstar!reader , pornstar!daniel x camgirl/pornstar!reader

summary: although your heart is split between decisions, your mind finds the sensible one easily

notes: i promised you guys seb was going to have to grovel and grovel he will

prev part next part

You don’t know why you expected to wake up with a clear answer, with an obvious sign that told you who you should choose. You don’t want to look at your phone, afraid of a text from either of them asking about the other.

You do manage to avoid your phone for the most part of the morning. You make your breakfast, shower, get ready for the day, but the nagging in the back of your head is incessant. You groan when you finally do grab your phone and look at your messages.

From Seb

Last night was fun schatz. If you still want to do a livestream together I’d like that

You sigh and text him back.

To Seb

I don’t know if I’ll have the time, I’ve been spending so much time with Daniel lately

Yes, it’s a low blow, but you know it’s what he deserves. You leave your chat with Sebastian and open your chat with Daniel.

From Daniel

How is it possible that you made me miss you after only being gone for a few hours? And that livestream was pure torture sweetheart

You smile at his message, practically giggling.

To Daniel

Well I think the torture is just what you needed after what you did to me in our video

You see him typing, then his message pops up.

From Daniel

I’m pretty sure you asked for it sweetheart

You can practically hear his voice. His Australian accent with a teasing tone, it sends a thrill through you.

To Daniel

Wanna hang out today? I don’t have any plans, and if it’ll make you less lonely I’m willing to sacrifice my time for you 😉

His response is almost immediate.

From Daniel

Sure sweetheart. Come over to mine whenever. And bring a swimsuit

You find a cute bikini that you think Daniel will like and pack a bag for your day. You pack basic pool items, sunscreen, a book, a towel.

You drive over to Daniel’s house once you’re finished getting ready. He greets you at the door in a dark blue sweatshirt and green swim trunks. He gives you a toothy grin as he pulls you inside.

“Hungry?” He asks.

“No, I’m alright, thank you though.” You tell him, but your stomach grumbles in protest.

“I’ll make us some lunch.” He says.

You follow him to his kitchen and take a seat on a stool he’s got at his bar top. You watch as he gathers a few things, from his cupboards and fridge. He asks what kind of sandwich you’d like then gets to work putting it together for you. He passes you a glass of water with your food once he’s finished.

He slides onto the stool next to yours with a sandwich of his own.

You glance around his kitchen. It’s a good size, the bar top you’re sitting at is fairly large with a few seats down to the end. You know his living room is quite big as well.

“So what do you do with all this space? What do I have to do to get on the guest list for all the ragers I’m sure you throw here?” You nudge him with your elbow.

He laughs and shakes his head. “Trust me, there are no ragers.” He takes a sip from his glass. “I want to be able to have people over. I like the idea of being able to hang out, spend time with the people I care about.”

“That’s really nice. I’m sure they appreciate it.” You smile and nod.

He looks down at his lap as if he’s hiding from you. “Well I haven’t really found them yet, so…”

“What do you mean?”

“With our line of work it’s hard to figure out who actually cares about you, and who just wants something from you, you know?” He looks over at you.

You know that feeling all too well. “I do.”

He hums and takes a bite of his sandwich.

You lean closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder. “Well, then I’m happy to be the first one here.”

He smiles softly as his cheeks flush a soft pink.

Once you finish your lunch, Daniel guides you outside to his pool deck. You toss your bag on one of the lounge chairs and pull the dress you’re wearing over your head to reveal your swimsuit.

Daniel can’t take his eyes off of you. Sure he’d seen you in much more compromising positions, but this, with the lack of a camera, felt intimate.

“See something you like Ricciardo?” You ask him, winking.

Oh, two can play at that game. He thinks as he tugs his sweatshirt off, tossing it onto another lounge chair.

You can’t help but stare at his bare torso. The tanned skin becomes taut when he stretches his arms. His swim trunks riding up to reveal a gorgeous tattoo that had been peeking out on his thigh. You notice he’s got tattoos scattered everywhere. Some on his arms, his legs, even his hands.

You have to hold yourself back from stepping forward to run your fingers along the designs.

“See something you like sweetheart?” He smirks.

You scoff and dig around in your bag for your sunscreen. Pulling it out you turn back to Daniel. “Help me put this on?”

He takes the bottle from you and empties pours some into his hand. He massages it into the skin on your back and shoulders. You can feel just how big Daniel is as he stands behind you, practically looming over you. His hands cover a good portion of your back, and his thick fingers fiddle with the flimsy strings holding your bikini together. You remember just what those fingers can do as you let your eyes flutter shut.

He steps away from you once he’s finished, taking his warmth with him.

You finish applying the sunscreen on yourself and lay out on your lounge chair. You pull your book out of your bag and open it with the full intent to read, but you can’t stop yourself from watching Daniel in the pool.

The muscles in his back flex as he does laps around the pool, his arms look deliciously strong. He keeps swimming around and around for a while, before he groans and swims over to the edge of the pool.

“You know, I thought you’d actually end up in the pool with me.” He says.

You sigh. “I’ll sit on the edge, is that enough for you?” You ask giving him a teasing smile.

He lets you get comfortable on the lip of the pool as he stands next to you, looking up at you. The sun sits perfectly behind you, creating a glowing effect, giving you a halo.

“Happy now?” You ask.

He grins as he wraps his arms around your legs and pulls you down into the water. You both end up submerged, you cling to him as you struggle to regain your sense of balance. You gasp when you come up from the water, giving him a smack on the chest.

“What the hell Daniel?” You shout.

He’s laughing too hard to give you an actual response. You can’t tell if he’s got tears running down his face or if it’s just the water dripping from his hair.

“You should’ve seen the look on your face!” He manages to get out in between laughs.

“It’s not funny! I could’ve drowned and died!” You try to pull away from him, crossing your arms over your chest.

He quickly reaches out for you and grabs onto your thighs, easily pulling you up and wrapping them around his waist. Your arms wrap around his neck so you don’t fall backwards.

He bats his eyelashes at you and softly says “I promise I won’t let you drown and die sweetheart.”

You huff and roll your eyes. “Fine, you’re forgiven.”

When your eyes meet his you realize just how close you are. You can see all the little details of his face. The slight bump of his nose, the freckles that decorate his cheeks, the specs of gold in his eyes.

He seems to be doing the same to you, trying to commit your features to memory, then his eyes stop at your lips. He looks like he’s having an internal debate with himself.

“Can I- can I kiss you?” He asks, his eyes trailing back up your face to your eyes.

You don’t answer him, instead you lift a hand to the back of his head and press your lips against his.

[henneseyhoe]

Adonis being clingy with his wife and new baby.

Adonis x BLACK!FEM!reader

WARNINGS: postpartum depression mentions, other baby related stuff

SUMMARY: Adonis trying to be as helpful as he can, but the reader finds it a bit overwhelming while dealing with postpartum depression.

✮✮✮✮

“Pacifiers?”

“Check”

“Burping cloth?”

“Check”

“Bibs?”

“Check. Babe, we have everything. I promise” I chuckle, watching Adonis go through a list of baby necessities on his phone, while trying to calm the whining boy in his arms, the man being adamant on keeping everything where they need to be just for times like this when his son was irritated.

“We have diapers right?”

“Mhm”

“What about wipes?”

“Yes, all in the nursery, Donnie”

“Okay, good, good….you need anything? Thirsty?” He tucks his phone away, rocking the now resting baby in his arms.

“Mmm…water, maybe?” I shrug and he nods, rushing out of the room. He had been acting like this all day, running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off. I hadn’t even been home for two hours yet, just coming back from the hospitals secondary check up after a very unplanned home birth. The house was a mess from two days ago, my poor mother and brother being stressed out of their minds trying to deliver a baby that wasn’t supposed to be here just yet.

Luckily, him coming two weeks earlier didn’t matter and he was healthy as a horse. with the way he was screaming at the top of his lungs, you could tell that was a healthy baby. But, meanwhile I was pushing a 5 pound, big headed baby out of me, Adonis was scrambling to find a flight back to Cali so he could make it to the birth, which was unsuccessful. It took an entire day and some change to get back home, the man so disappointed in himself that he took a business trip so late in my 3rd trimester.

Though I told him to do it, he still felt bad, promising to never leave my side in circumstances like this ever again. The birth went smoothly even though it wasn’t expected, and as soon as Adonis landed, he was blowing up my phone with FaceTimes back to back. And he was completely serious with the ‘never leave your side” thing, cause he was on me like white on rice when he got home. Helping me to and from the bathroom, even though I could walk fine, supplying me with any kind of food or snack I asked for, diaper duty, which was the best perk, and massages.

He was showering me with all kinds of love and affection, but as fast as my high came from giving birth, the lows swooped in just as quick. The 6th day after birth came and postpartum depression came knocking. I was still functioning though. Not cause I wanted to, but because I had an infant now and had no time to dissect why I really felt the way I did.

As more days passed, I became more agitated with my circumstances and Adonis constant ‘bugging’. I knew it was from a place of love, but I needed rest before anything. I was just too cautious to tell him that, afraid I’d end up sounding like a bitch because I wanted a break from my husband for a few hours. Some women would have to beg their husbands to do what Adonis does, but I felt ungrateful because I didn’t have to, and quickly got tired of that because of emotions I couldn’t control.

✮✮✮✮

About three more days had gone by, and it had officially been a month since giving birth. My postpartum depression had subsided a bit, and I felt better about myself, but Adonis was the same, and so was my sleep schedule.

“…can I help you, sir?” I look over my shoulder, spotting my husband watching me intensely. The infant I had in my arms whines and mixes at the sudden movements, unlatching from my nipple for a moment before going right back to feasting. I was reclined in a couch placed in the nursery, praying to god that I could catch some Z’s.

“Huh?” He queries, still staring.

“You’ve been following me around the house like a lost puppy all day. Now you over my shoulder watching me nurse like I don’t know what I’m doing” I say, a bit agitated since I haven’t slept for more than a few hours everyday for the passed month.

“What? I know you know what you’re doing, baby” He completely ignores my other statement, his attention still drawn to my current ‘activity’. I blink at him for a prolonged second, then laughed, shaking my head. “Okay, well back up off my bumper, can you?” I suggest, waving him off with my hand. He sighs, leaning up and walking away. “Your daddy is a bit obsessed, don’t you think?” I look down at our son, his brown eyes fluttering closed as he begins to drift off into his fourth nap of the day.

I close my eyes too, relaxing.

‘Maybe I could sneak in a nap too’

just as I thought I was gonna have peace and quiet, I feel Adonis plop down right besides me, looking over my shoulder. I was in my right mind to lock him in a room now. I sigh, opening my eyes back up to the unpleasant sight of the sun shining through the baby blue curtains across from me. I’d rather see the inside of my eyelids. I was exhausted.

“…he looks like me, doesn’t he?” He pokes, smiling down at his new found pride and joy.

I slowly turn my head to the man, his face being so close to me that our noses touch. “Donnie…get outta my face” I mellowly warn him, ready to run him out of the nursery.

“I’m sorry! I’m just intrigued. I wasn’t there for when he came, I just wanna make that time back” I bite back a loud cackle for the sake of not scaring my son out of his cinnamon toned skin. Snorting, I cover my mouth.

Giving him a ‘be serious’ look with the tilt of my head, I uncover my mouth. “Donnie, please. It’s been almost five weeks since his birth, you came a day late, and it’s not your fault. Be happy you even found a flight that would get you back here so suddenly. Plus, you already made that 24 hours back, now you just being clingy” I say, pecking his lips twice. “It’s just a bit…overwhelming right now, that’s all,”

“I’m not saying it’s you, I’m not not really in a place to…ya know…be as social with you as I was before”

He nods, understanding. “And you know I love you, but sometimes I don’t need anything at all, just silence” Taking in everything I say, he doesn’t argue, understanding that maybe he was doing a little much on the waiting hand and foot, asking me questions at every movement I made.

He caresses my thigh, kissing my forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m really not trynna stress you, I just don’t wanna feel like I’m not doin’ enough, or want you to feel like I don’t care”

I smile. “It’s okay. Just tone it down a bit, okay? Next week I promise you can be as clingy with us as you want” he nods, starting to play with the little mitten that covered our sons hand. I knew he still wasn’t gonna leave any time soon yet, waiting for the baby to stop eating so he could hold him again. I just let him be. For now.

“Does it hurt?” He asks suddenly, and I shake my head. “Not really. It did for the first few times, but since he’s latching better, no”

“…he getting enough, right?”

I pause, my eyebrow raising at the man.

“Yes, my titties produce enough milk for our son. Any other questions, doc?” I ask with playful attitude.

He shakes his head, still looking. It was silent for a moment , only the sounds of summer rain tapping against the window and swallowing followed by shallow sighs from the infant being heard. That was until I decided to put my boob up and replace my nipple with his favorite paci since he had fallen asleep, remembering the doctor told me not to feed him while he’s not awake, considering my milk supply was fine and he gets full fast.

Yet, that still doesn’t stop my husband from breathing down my neck, attempting to reach for him, which I dodge by brushing him off with my shoulder.

Taking a breath, I glare at him. “What, Adonis? You wanna feed him?”

His eyes glimmer with excitement as he smiles, perking up at the simple question. “I can? Yeah” he asks before quickly answering.

“Grow some titties then” I pat his chest then stood to my feet, now attempting to burp the resting baby.

[dc-marvel-life]

Can We Keep You?

Request: Fem shapeshifter reader (Can take the form of a wolf) x wanda maximoff. Prompt: "You are so cute" Plot: Wanda finds out that reader, her girlfriend, can shapeshift into a wolf and just finds the whole thing really cute.

Pairing: Wanda x reader 

Word Count: 566

----

You are rolling around in bed having a nightmare. Normally your girlfriend, Wanda, is there to help soothe you back to sleep. Sadly, she was off on a mission tonight and couldn’t help you tonight. You fell off the bed after tossing and turning in your sleep all night. Your natural instinct kicked in, and you shapeshifted into your wolf form. 

 You are a large white wolf. You have gotten this power from your family, which has been passed down for generations. No one knows about it, but your family, not even your girlfriend, knows. 

You start to wake up and realize that you are in your wolf form, but then you hear the front door of your apartment open. By the smell of it, you know it is Wanda and start to panic. You don’t want Wanda to see you like this, even though, of all people, she will understand the most. 

You hear Wanda quietly enter the room, not to wake you, but you are not in bed. You make yourself small and counter yourself in the back of the room. You can see Wanda looking around for you and start to worry. 

Wanda looks all around the room and finally sees you.

“Oh my gosh,” Wanda says in shock while looking at you. You knew this was going to happen, and Wanda was not going to accept you.

“You are so cute,” Wanda says and gets closer to you. You start to shake because you are scared of what is going to happen next.

“Oh, don’t be scared, my dear. I am friendly and just want to pet you,” Wanda says, inching closer to you. You allow her, and she starts to pet your head. She eventually gets to your weak spot and starts to give you belly rubs; you are completely over her control, like in human form.

“I wonder how you got into the apartment. You don’t have a collar on. I am going to find my girlfriend and ask if we can keep you since you are so cute,” Wanda says, and you start to piece it together. She doesn’t know that it is you in this wolf form, and she thinks you are a dog for some reason. You get off the ground and walk away from Wanda, then turn into your human form.

“Y/N, is that you! Why haven’t you told me that you are a werewolf,” Wanda says in shock and a bit angry 

“I was afraid of you that you would call me a freak and leave me. I am also a shapeshifter, not a werewolf. I get that you are mad..” you go on saying.

“I am not mad that you are a shapeshifter. Look at me, I am a science experiment for Hydra, and now I am a superhero working with the Avengers.  I am mad because I could have been cuddling you as a big, fluffy dog,” Wanda says, and you start to smile.

“You know I am a wolf, babe,” you say, walking towards Wanda, who is now standing up. 

“How about this. I will cook us a late-night meal while you put on a movie. Then we can cuddle in your cute wolf form,” Wanda says, putting her arms around your neck.

“This is why I love you,” you say and kiss her quickly.

“I know. I love you too,”

Masterlist

[coleskingdom]

Want Me To Prove It

Will Ospreay x F Reader

Minors DNI NSFW

@midwestmade29 @madhatterbri

The tension between Will and I could be cut with a knife, the cat and mouse game had been fun, but I had made one snide remark and now you regretted ever saying it. The two of you had toyed with each other for weeks, the innuendos, then he had held a candy bar out of your reach, and the words that now haunted you when you said “ I don’t beg” his eyes flashed at the words, and a new game had begun.

“What do you mean we are sharing a room?” As he handed me a room key. “Why are you so nervous?” as he took my bag off my shoulder grazing my my arm as he did leading us towards the elevator. “ I’m not nervous just irritated, I don’t like sharing “ he stood behind me as he leaned in “Good neither do I” his low whisper felt on my neck I involuntarily shivered at his words.

I walked towards the room using the key to let us in. “ One bed seriously Will it’s one thing for us to be in a room together, but the same bed.” my eyes on his, “You’ve been in my bed before love, are you afraid I’m going to be a bit of naughty boy.” his grin made me weak in the knees. “ You’re not wrong but we’d watch a movie and then I’d go back to my room.” putting my phone down. “ Yeah and what would you do when you’d get back to your room?” his eyes on me, “Sleep Will, I’d go to sleep.” frustration and irritation in my voice, if he’d only knew the things I did and thoughts I had about him. Looking at him now though he looked as if he was reading my mind. “Y/N it’s one night, I’m just giving you a hard time, I’ll be a proper gentleman. I’m just giving you shit. I’m sorry if I took it too far.” his voice softer. “You’re fine, it’s me, I’m stressed and it’s been a rough day. It’s not your fault, I’m going to shower and get ready for bed.” reaching for my bag. “You haven’t eaten all day, I’ll order food, go shower, by the time you’re done. Food will be here and we can watch whatever you want.” he was always looking after me, but to be fair I was always looking after him as well.

I took a long shower psyching myself up that I was perfectly capable of sleeping next to that perfect man without it being an issue. He’s my friend, if I’m honest he’s my person. I put on my shorts and my favorite T-shirt messy bun my stomach in knots.

I opened the door, and there he was shirtless, and in those damn gray sweatpants that left nothing to the imagination. He brought in the food, and set it on the table, turning he sees me staring at him. “See something you want?” leaving the food and walking towards me my back against the wall.

“ I bet I can make you beg” Will’s eyes scanning you, you focus on his lips, where he’s peeking his tongue out a little bit.

“I don’t beg” your voice portraying confidence your body doesn’t feel as he leans in his elbows enclosing you against the wall

“ Want me to prove it then” his words your undoing as he leans into kiss me, his lips softer than I had imagined. He pulls back slightly to see if he’s misread the situation. I close the last inch parting our lips, teasing his tongue for a second before he seizes control, dominating the moment the way he always does.Tasting, sucking, nipping, devouring me. "You think I'll get right into it, don't you?" he humorously hums in my mouth. "Love.. I haven't even started yet. You've no idea what you're getting into with me. I'll make you beg for more even while you're coming undone.”He nudges my chin with his nose, hot lips latching onto the delicate skin of my throat, sucking, pecking, biting between words. My mind focuses on him, every sense starved for his words and touch..

“Will, please" my eyes find his, “Please what? Tell me and I’ll give you what you need.”his mouth on my neck still, “ I want you, I need you, I b….” His hands move so fast that I’m naked and on the bed with him over me my hands on the waist band of the sweatpants tugging them down , he manages to kick them the rest of the way off.

"What do you taste like?" he muses.The question isn't aimed at me. More like he's voicing his own thoughts, twirling his tongue over my pebbled nipple. He toys the other between his fingers, pinching, rolling, and driving me wild.

Satisfied with my hips arching off the mattress, pleading for more, he grips my thighs, pushes my legs back, then rests my ankles over his shoulders. The first tiny kiss to my mound forces the air from my lungs.

"You're trouble," I sigh. "Stop teasing." “Teasing is the best part, sweet girl”

Spreading me with his thumbs, he licks me slowly, bottom to top, dragging the flat of his tongue up and over my clit. And then he sucks. Hard. The move lights up my body and my thighs quiver in time with a surprised gasp.”You taste like mine." I grasp his hair, forcing him back down, and feel him smile against me.

"Greedy... needy... pretty

little thing." He punctuates every word with a thorough lick, and then... the show begins.

"Oh my," I mewl, fisting his hair.

"Will.” He doesn't respond with words.Instead, he slides one finger inside, timing the thrusts with the flicks of his tongue. He doesn't let me come when the orgasm looms close by. He eases off, kissing and biting my inner thigh as his hands knead my hips. He does it again but this time “ Y/N look at me, tell me how much you want to come.” eyes. “ Will please let me come.”His head drops down, torturing my clit with his tongue. I'm so ready for the orgasm it's mere seconds before it hits. I'm vaguely aware I've clamped my thighs around his head, holding him hostage as he licks me through the release.

"I've got you, love."He's suddenly closer, higher, his arms flush to my sides. He kisses me as in one long, slow thrust almost has me coming again. He drives himself home, letting out a low growl that forces my body into high alert.

"Fuck," he breathes, pressing his lips to my forehead. "So wet. So tight... so fucking mine.”His movements are slow, caring,tender. So slow so thorough that I feel every inch of him. His grip on my waist is nothing short of possessive. His thrusts calculated to drive me crazy. His light eyes filled with emotion, the pace is not frantic or mindless. Like with everything he does it builds to the moment every nibbling, biting kiss, every time he sinks into me, every push meticulous...as I come hard, tears fall from my eyes as I understand everything so clearly. Not changing the pace one bit as he drives himself home over again. The weight of his big body pinning me to the mattress magnifies how erotic this feels. How close we are. I feel him come inside me, the groan the restraint, the little moan as he buries his head in the crook of my neck.

My arms wraparound him keeping him there, for this moment it all makes perfect sense. I’m afraid of what I’ll see when the moment is over. “Y/N “as he turns his head into the side of my neck. “Yeah” my words not knowing what’s coming next. He rolls off of me , laying on his side, “ hey look at me, you don’t get to hide from me. If we need to talk let’s talk.” His hand brushing my cheek “ what if? “ I began “ What if what?” his tone gentle “ What if all of this just made perfect fucking sense, and I don’t know if I can go back to how we were before?” I hear him let out his breath as I close my eyes realizing the absolute truth and vulnerability in my words. “Y/N please open your eyes. Look at me, I don’t want to go back.”

[spinningwebsandtales]

Imagine Peter Rekindling His Crush On You

Peter Quill X FemReader

Rating: T

Warnings: Suggestive themes, spoilers, mentions of an abusive relationship, fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

(A/N:) Okay I have seen GOTG Vol. 3 twice now and I freaking LOVE this movie! It has reignited my love of Peter. I had this idea and I had to write it! I’m even staying up late to get it done as I want to get it posted ASAP! I hope my fellow Peter fangirls enjoy it as it has a little bit of angst and fluff. I had so much fun writing this and I hope I can get more ideas to write for Peter! Until next time happy reading! ~Countess

SPOILERS FOR GOTG VOL. 3 BELOW!!!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE MOVIE!!!

A week had gone by since Peter had returned to Earth and it had been pretty calm so far. Catching up with his grandfather had been easier than expected and his last remaining Terran relative welcomed him back like the prodigal son. But now Peter was wanting to find more people he had known all those years ago. It didn’t take long until his thoughts had begun to dwell on you. He remembered the crush he had harbored for you, even after Yondu had taken him away his thoughts had gone back to you if he was in need of something good to remember. He asked his grandpa about you, but for some reason the older man was keeping quiet about you. It aggravated Peter but he didn’t ask much, not wanting to push his grandpa’s buttons too much. Though he couldn’t shake the feeling that the older man was up to something.

It shocked Peter that one fateful day that you turned up to his grandpa’s front door, like it was the most normal thing in the world. You waltzed in easily, hands full with vegetables.

“Mr. Quill I brought you...,” you paused almost dropping your bundle of goods. You fumbled around, regaining control but still staring at Peter who sat on the couch. Normally he would have laughed at someone giving him such a look but he knew he had to have the same expression on his face. While he still loved Gamora so much, it was a blessing to see you once again. You aged, just as he had but he couldn’t help but see how much of a beautiful woman you had become.

“Peter,” you asked as tears pricked the corners of your eyes.

“Hi (Y/N),” Peter spoke while rising from the couch. He took the vegetables from you and laid them on the kitchen counter. You followed close behind, still unbelieving that Peter was standing right in front of you. Grown and more handsome than you could have ever imagined. You swallowed loudly, stepping closer to him. He leaned backwards, suddenly uncomfortable with how close you were. You suddenly hugged him, shocking him more.

“It really is you!”

Peter chuckled finally hugging you back, “Yeah. I had some loose ends to fix.”

You punched his shoulder roughly.

“Ow! What was that for,” he squalled.

“For leaving without saying goodbye,” you glared.

“I had no choice!”

You continued to glare before relenting. It wasn’t Peter’s fault, you knew that. But it had hurt that day that he had disappeared. You were sure he was as good as dead until you had saw Thanos’ defeat and Peter had stood amongst the heroes that had saved the Earth. But now with him standing in front of you in person, the relief was becoming so overwhelming. You had thought about him a lot since then and you were afraid that you would never get to see him again. Or that if you did get to see him, he wouldn’t remember you at all. But now you were so relieved that that wasn’t the case. You hugged him again, but this time he was scared you would punch him again. Peter held you away from him about to say something else when you looked down. A little boy that hid behind you, tugged on the hem of your shirt. Looking up at Peter with large bright eyes. Of course, you were married. Any guy would be stupid to pass you up, he just hated he was too late. You looked down at your son, rubbing the mop of his hair affectionately.

“Peter this is my son,” you pushed the little boy forward who pushed back too shy to stand before Peter. 

Peter’s eyes went from the young boy to your left hand. He didn’t spy a ring on your finger, but that didn’t mean you weren’t taken. He looked back to the boy who still was trying to escape. He squatted down getting eye level with him before smiling warmly.

“I’m a good friend of your mom’s,” he said holding out a hand. “We knew each other when we were kids.”

“Hi,” he answered timidly before looking back up towards you. Satisfied with him braving a new stranger you let him dart back behind you. You chuckled, shaking your head.

“He’s a little shy sorry about that,” you said.

Peter waved it off, though his heart hurt he was glad you found some happiness in life. You sent your son off to go play as Peter invited you to go outside to sit while you watched your son play. While you enjoyed the sunshine warming your face, Peter couldn’t help but look at your ring finger, the lack of ring bothering him. He didn’t have a right to be jealous of someone who had been there for you, but his heart was betraying him.

You were enjoying the silence, just glad to see Peter once again when he interrupted the silence.

“Who’s the lucky man,” he finally asked. His curiosity and jealousy too much to bear. You stiffened, refusing to look at Peter. You were really hoping he wouldn’t ask but of course he would once he saw your son. You sighed, deflating back into the chair.

“He’s not in our lives anymore,” you replied vaguely. Peter just continued to stare and you sighed again. “He left me a little after I gave birth. He was verbally abusive and he didn’t really love me. He just lied to get to me. I married him like an idiot and I suffered since.”

Peter felt his rage starting to choke him, especially when he saw a stray tear make it’s way down your cheek. He couldn’t imagine someone being so cruel to you and leaving  you alone to raise a child alone. His hands clenched into fists as he trembled in rage.

“He didn’t deserve you,” Peter snarled.

You jumped in your chair, surprised at the anger in Peter’s voice. Every emotion began to swirl inside your mind as you saw how much he actually cared about you.

“Any man that is dumb enough to marry you and knock you up just to belittle you and abandon you is not worth anything in any universe.”

Peter thought about his father who had killed his mother and left Peter alone in the world. If it hadn’t been for Yondu, in his own twisted way, rescuing him he wouldn’t be here talking with you. Peter suddenly took your hand giving it a gentle but firm squeeze.

“You deserve better,” Peter continued.

You laughed nervously a blush darkening your cheeks. “Laying that Quill charm on thick aren’t we?”

“I’m serious,” Peter replied. “He deserves better too.” He gestured to the little boy racing around the yard, giggling gleefully. You touched your cheek, surprised to find tears streaking your skin.

“I’ve missed you,” you whispered. Sure you had been so young when Peter left but it had left a void in your life you had tried to ignore. But now with him back on Earth and a grown man, you found that he had meant more to you than anything. You felt foolish for finding someone else to take his place and the one you found had been a waste of time. Your son was the only good thing that had come from that relationship and marriage. Peter tugged you back into another embrace, kissing your cheek. His beard quickly catching your tears as you clung to him tightly.

“I missed you too,” Peter said. He never wanted to let you go now that you were back in his life. While Gamora still hurt, he found that holding you and seeing you again felt right. He felt a conviction well up inside him, that he wanted to show you how much of a real man he could be.

“Can I take you and him out sometime,” he asked.

You sniffed before nodding. “I would like that very much.”

“Be prepared for the best date of your life,” he announced making you laugh.

“I’ll hold you to that,” you smiled through your tears.

“I want you too,” he replied before jumping up from his chair. He kissed you again before taking off after your son. The little boy squealed as Peter chased him around the yard, scooping him up and throwing him up in the air. You couldn’t lie to yourself anymore as old feelings came back to you. Peter was back in your life and you couldn’t say it was a bad thing at all.

[oncasette]

𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗨𝗦

eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: 3.3k.

“I was gonna go with you, you know. To New York,” he says softly. He brings his hands up to run across his face, brushing his unruly bangs out of place. His hair is longer than you remembered. Curlier, too, maybe. 

“What?” There’s no way he could’ve known. No. You told him it was because of time, you were out of time, there wasn’t enough time. You didn’t tell him. 

or the one where you broke up with eddie before you graduated thinking it’d be too hard to do the long distance thing. not having told him why you ended things, seeing him at steve’s place a couple years later was not something you were prepared for.

warnings: not beta’d, smut, porn with miniscule plot, unprotected sex

masterlist | taglist

He wasn’t supposed to be here. God, you were never supposed to see him again. Ever. Why was he here? In Steve Harrington’s basement, sitting over on that couch with that stupid vest you’d gotten him for your first anniversary on. 

You don’t think he’s seen you, yet. He’s too engrossed in a conversation with the Henderson kid to have seen you. Too smiley–you hope–to have seen you. Not that you didn’t want him happy, no, you only wanted him happy. Just, it hurts to see him smile, you think. To know he can smile without you next to him. When he’d told you you were the only thing that let him smile, that kept him going. 

Just hurt, is all. 

“Nance, we gotta go,” you mumble over to her, not even a second after the two of you had stumbled down the steep staircase. 

“What? We just- oh.” she saw him, too, then. 

“Please,” you say. “He can’t-I can’t.”

Your voice is shaky already, tears threatening to well up in your eyes as you try to figure out your situation. 

He can’t have seen you, yet. You haven’t been there long enough for him to have seen you, and you have to get out of this stifling room before he sees you, or, you know, you spontaneously combust. 

He calls your name over the crowded space, approaching you faster than you’re able to finish conjuring up an escape plan. He’s got that nervous smile on, the one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, as he says, “Hey, uh, what are you doing home? Thought you moved up to New York?” 

“Yeah, I did. Just home for the summer,” you say, refusing to tilt your head up enough to meet his gaze. 

“Cool…” you can see him tapping his boot against the smooth concrete, the laces bouncing almost in time with the cheesy ballad Steve had to have been in charge of.

“So, we’ll see you around then, Eddie-” Nancy says at the same time that Eddie chimes in with, “Would you, maybe, wanna go somewhere a little quieter? Catch up?” 

And it seems like Nancy just can’t catch a break because as soon as she says, “I don’t think that’s the best idea,” you’re cutting her off–against your better judgment–with your own, “Yeah, yeah. Sure, Eds.”

He almost looks surprised, despite having proposed the idea, slapping at his pockets like he was looking for something important. His keys, maybe, his wallet. 

“Henderson! Watch my shit, I’ll be back!” he calls across the room, not even bothering to look over his shoulder to confirm the kid had heard him before he’s leading you back up the stairs. He’s not forceful with it. Not dragging you anywhere. Just showing you where to go. 

His hand’s around your wrist, but only barely. Like he’s afraid to touch you, hold onto you too tight. It’s gone before you want it to leave, too. You’re just getting used to the warmth of his touch again when he’s pulled you into Steve’s bedroom and clicked the door shut. 

“What’d you wanna talk about?” It’s harder to breathe here. Harder to think without all the body heat. 

He hasn’t moved much, either. He’s just standing there staring at you with those stupid brown eyes you could never say no to. 

He thought it was going to be easier. He thought that he would be able to collect his thoughts, get what he wanted out. All he can think about is three years ago, though. How you’d gone without him, how you’d left him stuck in Hawkins. 

“I was gonna go with you, you know. To New York,” he says softly. He brings his hands up to run across his face, brushing his unruly bangs out of place. His hair is longer than you remembered. Curlier, too, maybe. 

“What?” There’s no way he could’ve known. No. You told him it was because of time, you were out of time, there wasn’t enough time. You didn’t tell him. 

“That’s why you ended it, right? Because you wanted to go be a hot shot at NYU?” he asks, practically spitting the school’s name at you. 

“Eddie-”

“God, do you even know how hard I worked to graduate for you? I did it for you,” he says. He’s inching towards you, barely taking steps yet still managing to cage you in against the door. “Just for you to break up with me two weeks before graduation.” 

“It’s not that simple, please-” 

“I loved you,” he says. 

It’s something you never thought you’d hear again, not from him at least. There’d been the one college boyfriend, the drunken nights. But never again from him. It’s–

Loved. 

“Loved?” you stutter out. It really shouldn’t have affected you. Love, loved, fucking any of it. You ended things, it was over. “Loved me?” 

You’re able to meet his gaze for the first time that evening. He’s close enough now that you can feel his breath against your face, even if only slightly. Smell the cheap liquor on it. The weed. His spearmint toothpaste, and those chocolates he always seemed to be eating. 

“I-I mean… fuck, you can’t do this to me,” his exhale is shaky. “This wasn’t how– you can’t do this to me.” 

“Eddie,” you mumble. It falls from your lips so easily. Like you never stopped saying it, like you were meant to be saying it. 

“You said it would work out. You promised me, baby,” he says. He hasn’t stopped looking at you. Hasn’t dropped his eyes, hasn’t faltered even in the slightest. His palms are flat against the cheap wood of the door. His shoulders, hell, his everything is so close to you. He’s so warm, too. Always ran hot, but the flush he’s sporting is radiating off him in waves. 

“I know, I know…” you say. “I don’t know what happened.” 

“You dumped me, remember,” he says. 

“It’s not that simple.” 

“See,” he hisses. “You keep saying that, but I think it is that simple. You left me a note. A fucking note in my stupid fucking drug box that it was over and then you wouldn’t even talk to me afterwards. You had your parents on ‘don’t let Eddie in the house’ duty, like you never wanted to see me again.” 

“You know that’s not true,” you say quietly. 

“Not true? What else would you say happened, then, princess?” The thought of leaning forward, just ever so slightly, to catch his mouth crosses your mind. Stop his rambling the way you always used to. 

“If I- If I saw you after I ended things…” you trailed off, watching as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. “I would’ve just come crawling back. It never would have– I wouldn’t have left.” 

He doesn’t respond, filling the room’s heavy silence with the steady rhythm of his breathing. 

“You didn’t even let me say goodbye, baby.” the malice in his voice has dissipated. The pain, the anger as his eyes scan yours. 

“Eddie,” it’s a breathy gasp, a moan almost as you bring one of your hands up to clutch the open zipper of his jacket. 

“Didn’t even let me say goodbye,” he mumbles before he drops his mouth to kiss you. Fully kiss you, too, experimentally tilting his head in hopes that you wouldn’t push him away. He’d been dreaming of this, of you, of touching you again. For years, months, every night. 

“Please,” you whimper against him. He seems to understand before you fully do. Always knew you better than he knew himself. 

His hands drop down to palm the backs of your thighs, signaling for you to jump. Always stronger than he looked, too. 

It’s a short walk to the bed in the corner of the room, leaving Eddie to lay you down on the comforter rather than drop you like you’re sure he would’ve done a couple years back. It’s the first thing you notice. How gentle he’s being, how barely-there his touches are. 

It’s also then that you realize how much of a goner you really are. There’s no way you’re going to be able to leave again without him. Be able to live three states away without thinking of him every night, wishing you could’ve just stayed here with him. Just needing him. 

“I-uh…” you stutter as you try not to focus on the way his hips are pressed against yours. More, how good it feels. How hard he already seems to be. How the button on his jeans is pressing just right against your clit. 

He’s leaning down to press his mouth to yours again before you can finish your thought, though, the chain of his necklace dangling against your throat. 

Eddie moves a lot slower than you’re used to. A lot more focused on where he’s putting his hands than nineteen-year old him had been. 

His fingers brush past the hem of your top on their hunt for bare skin. And it’s just your hips, barely your waistline, but the feel of his cold fingers against you sends shockwaves down to your core. You bristle as he begins to push the flimsy cloth up, exposing more of your stomach to his touch until he leaves it bunched just under your bra. 

“‘S this okay?” he exhales. Even with all the shit he spewed earlier, he was still just Eddie. Your Eddie. The boy that never wanted to overstep, to push you too far. 

“Mhm,” you moan before you lean up to chase his mouth. 

“No,” he says. “Need to hear you say it for me. Need it, please.” 

“It’s okay, Eddie. I want you to touch me,” you sigh as the calloused pads of his fingers trail back down the front of your torso. He pushes them past the waistband of your shorts, straining against the denim as he addresses the thin lace of your panties. 

“Never thought I’d get the chance to feel you again,” he admits softly. It’s breathy, barely there, like everything else the two of you had said since he’d pulled you away from the wall. A stark contrast from the revved up Eddie Munson you’d seen five minutes ago. 

His fingers continue to move down over your underwear, his middle finger delicately brushing past your clit as he collects the slick that’s already seeped through the thin fabric of your underwear. You arch against him, pushing your hips further into his hand in an futile attempt to get him to do something. 

“Nuh-uh, baby,” he tuts. “I waited too long for this. Taking my time with you.”

“Take your time a little faster, please,” you say. He drops his head to press his lips against your throat, chuckling in his process of placing open mouthed kisses along it. You always got so worked up for him. Always begging for him before he’d even really started. 

“Don’t think you get to make any demands right now, sweetheart,” he says before he pulls his hand away from you completely. 

He doesn’t even give you a chance to whine about it before he’s popping the button of your shorts and tugging the denim and underwear down your legs. It takes a little bit of maneuvering on your end, planting your feet and lifting your hips, but you don’t think you’ve ever been so glad to get clothes off of your body. 

Well, except for maybe that one summer, down by the lake. When Eddie had tugged your bikini bottoms off and fucked you on the dock. He’d been teasing you the whole day, having pushed the cloth to the side more than once only to leave you high and dry seconds later. God, yeah, that was the most excited you’d been to get clothes off. This, though. This was a very close second. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, hm? Can hear you thinking.” He’s back on you, now, after dropping his jacket and t-shirt off the side of the bed. Leaning over you. Too far to kiss, but close enough that his chain was dangling, again. 

He’d gotten new ink since you last saw him this bare. Devil horns on his rib cage. What looked to be a dancing skeleton along his bicep. Your name scrawled out in his handwriting along his collarbone. 

“You got my name tattooed on you?” you ask, choking slightly on your spit. Or the air. Or just the idea that he’d gotten you permanently imprinted on his body without your knowledge. 

“What?” he glances down, realistically knowing that he probably wouldn’t have been able to see the ink, anyway. “Yeah, yeah. I-uh… I got it done a while ago. I was gonna…” 

“You were gonna what?” you bring your hand up to trace the lettering. 

“I was gonna surprise you with it at graduation,” he says. 

Instead of responding you surge your face forward, bridging the awkward gap between you in order to press your lips against his and, in turn, pull him further down towards you. Kissing him was as easy as it’d ever been. As good as it’d ever been. Even better, maybe, with the way he was licking into your mouth. 

“Fuck me, Eddie,” you moan against him. 

“Nope, no. Not gonna fuck you,” his voice is muffled against your skin, teeth grazing your lips as you swap air. 

“Fuck, please,” you whine. It’s too much. The idea that he’s gonna stop, when you just got him started again. The idea that you might not even get to feel him one last time. 

“Not gonna fuck you, baby. Gonna show you why you never should’ve left. Gonna make you mine again,” he hums. It’s then you notice his hands on your hips again, the bruising hold he’s got on you. 

“Eds-”

“Gonna make you mine, baby,” he grunts. His hand is on your bare pussy in seconds sliding two fingers through your wetness, only to bring them back up to circle your throbbing bundle of nerves. “Have to. Can’t lose you again.” 

“You’re not gonna lose me, Eddie,” you say. And you mean it this time. There’s no possible way you’d be able to leave him again, you’re not strong enough. You were barely strong enough the last time. 

“Yeah?” he plunges the two fingers into you. 

“‘M all yours. Always was,” you sigh. 

You’re already worked up, already stoking that fire in your core as he pumps his digits in a steady pace. 

“Need you, Eddie,” you say. 

“I need you to cum for me first, baby,” he dismisses your begging. 

“Don’t care. I need you,” you gasp as his fingers brush that spongy part deep inside of you, leaving the band of his ring to graze the heat of your core. 

“Fine, fine. Fuck, next time I’m going to make you cum as many times as I want,” he grumbles, pulling his hand away to swipe your juices on his jeans. You push yourself up on your elbows as you watch him attempt to unbuckle his belt and get off the bed at the same time. His eyes are flickering back and forth between you and where his hands are shakily fiddling with the leather, forcing you to sit up fully and gently slap his hands away. 

You take your time, slowly tugging the thick leather through his belt loops as you push yourself up to your knees, forcing yourself to be face to face with him. He’s watching your hands, watching you pop the button and unzip his fly. As soon as you’re done, though, he’s pushing the restrictive denim and obnoxiously green boxers–not that you had time to comment on them–down his thighs and onto the floor. He does his best in helping you pull your top over your head, but you pretty much have to take the reins on that, too, before he’s pushing you back to crawl over you. 

“I’m on the pill,” you say before he’s got a chance to ask. 

“I-uh. Fuck, okay,” he exhales. It’s a step you hadn’t taken before, not with how vehemently opposed your parents had been to the idea of birth control in high school. 

It takes him a second to line himself up, still struggling to compute the idea of fucking you raw. Then, though, he’s pushing in and the stretch of him has you seeing stars. He almost feels bigger, somehow, though you know that’s highly improbable. 

He stays still once he’s bottomed out, lip tucked between his teeth as he inhales sharply. You can tell he’s struggling, already on the brink of cumming. You are, too. 

“Baby, baby, you’re killing me,” he mumbles when he feels you clench around him. “Already got me so wound up.” 

He’s practically panting as he begins to shallowly thrust his hips. It only takes him a couple of those, though, before he’s picking up his pace. He’s relentless in the punch of his hips, already having lost track of his ‘not fucking you’ mantra from before. 

He’s too fucking pretty like this. Above you, inside you. His curls falling over his shoulders and his eyes blown black with lust. His hips slamming into yours, leaving your hands with nothing to grasp onto other than him. 

The one hand he’s not using to hold himself above you stuffs itself between your bodies to press harsh shapes against your clit. Something you can’t make out, at first, not with how fuzzy he’s got you in the head right now. But then he’s mouthing along your jaw, mumbling as he goes. Mine, mine, mine. 

Christ, he’s spelling out his name against your pussy with his fingers. You can feel it all now. Very clearly. E. D. D. I. E. Over and over again. 

“Gonna cum, Eds,” you whimper at one of the E’s. 

“Good,” he says, spelling his name faster. “I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer, either, sweetheart.” 

It’s not long after that that your orgasm is washing over you, clenching around his throbbing cock and sending him spiraling down the same path. It’s a sharp inhale on his part before you’re blurting out, “I love you.” 

“Fuck, yeah. I love you, sweetheart,” he drops to rest his forehead against yours as he stills his movements. You can feel his spend mixing in with yours, deep inside of you as the drip down your walls to pool around the base of him. 

He takes a second to just sit there, take in the atmosphere, before he’s pulling out of you with a hiss and dropping next to you on Steve’s, now ruined, duvet and tugging you under his arm. 

“I really thought about going up to New York once or twice, you know. After you left,” he says after a while. “Bought a bus ticket once, and everything.” 

He reaches over the side of the bed to grab his jacket, plucking one of his cigarettes and his zippo out of the pocket as he leaves you to mull over his comment. His touch remains constant, just barely leaving his palm pressed to your shoulder. 

“Why didn’t you come?” you ask. It’s the obvious question, after all. Hanging there in the air between you as he lights up. 

“Didn’t think you’d want to see me,” he shrugged. “You made that kinda clear, and, you know, I tend to run away from things that scare me.” 

You don’t even have a good response for him, then. Too much running through your head, too many questions, too many answers. Far too many things you just need to get out rumbling around in your brain. 

“Don’t worry about it, baby. We’ll figure it out, yeah? Now that you’re mine again.” 

“I-” 

There’s a string of profanities followed by an incessant knocking—no, banging—against the door that has your heart dropping down to your ass. Time to face the music. 

“Hey, guys, what the fuck? In my bed?” you hear Steve yell from the other side, sending you into a fit of giggles as you curl yourself further into Eddie’s side. 

tags-- @milkiangl @gods-and-monsterss​ @zeldaknight​ @ridestomars​

[stardust-kenobi]

If 46 & 57 are still available could you write them for Crosshair x female reader? Thank youuu

Ooohhhh boy. I’m ready. (Also sorry for the delay, and I hope you enjoy!!!). I’m making this one a full one shot because I got carried away LMAO. Just in time for crosshairs appearance this week

#46 - “Please, ruin me”

#57 - “What are you doing in my bed?”

Ruin me

Crosshair x Fem!Reader

Summary: Crosshair finds you waiting for him in his bed. You pique his curiosity, and he decides to indulge in your interests.

Warnings: smut, rough sex, manhandling, alot of degradation, lil tiny bit of a softness tho, anyways this is filthy…it’s crosshair so y’know

Word count: 2k ish tbh I haven’t checked yet bc I’m on mobile, but it’s a semi short one

It was an idea that floated through your mind ever so frequently, but you’d been too afraid to act on it. That is, until now. You had it bad for Crosshair, and you suspected he felt the same about you. He was an asshole, that much was obvious, but maker, it turned you on.

Crosshair’s bed smelled of cedar and musk, and you embraced the aroma of his natural scent while your lustful thoughts danced in your head. He’d been gone all day, probably training, and was expected to come back any minute now. It was no accident that you put on your tightest, skimpiest outfit. The outfit was close enough to resembling loungewear so as to be not obvious when you walked the halls down to his room, but still inched toward dangerous territory of being lingerie.

Your tits spilled over the top of the thin tank top, pushed from the bra you’d chosen to wear. A ruby red lace bra, one that would leave no question as to what your intentions were, if he decides to undress you, of course. The shorts you wore, if you could even call them that, were high cut, leaving a significant amount of your thighs and hips exposed.

You laid back, taking in the feeling of laying in his room without him knowing, and allowed yourself to become excited with the idea. Pretending that the touch of your fingers traveling up your thighs were his was the closest you could get to feeling him right now, and you hoped he’d return soon.

Just then, approaching footsteps snapped you out of your daze. You swallowed hard, anticipating his arrival. The metal door slid open with a loud hiss, and there he was, stoic in his stance. He promptly removed his helmet before his eyes found you.

Crosshair wasn’t startled, nor was he angry. In fact you couldn’t even really tell what he was thinking. The same scowl he always held was still present on his face. He tilted his head at you, studying the way you laid seductively on his bed.

“What are you doing in my bed?” He inquired curiously. That voice, gods…that beautiful voice. You wanted nothing more than to hear him whisper nasty things in your ear.

“I wanted to surprise you” you purred. Sitting up on your knees, letting him get a full view down the cleavage of your shirt.

“With what?” He scanned your body, seemingly approving, but was followed by a look of distaste.

“Me.” You whispered.

“Is that so?” He pondered with a snarky look, setting his helmet down on the desk by the entrance, “what makes you think I’d want to fuck you?”

“Are you saying you don’t want to?” You leaned back in surprise.

“Oh no, I’m going to fuck you” He said with certainty, sending a fiery heat to your cunt as it fell off his lips, “just curious what made you think I wanted to”

He cut right to the chase. This was happening, and he was ready, but not without a little more teasing on his end.

“I see the way you look at me” You noted, looking him up and down and admiring the outline of his body. He looked so good in his armor.

“How can I not? You’re always dressed like a little slut” He scoffed. He was so fucking hard to read. He wanted you, but sounded disgusted with your behavior at the same time.

“You love it, though, don’t you?” You teased, watching his face grow flustered.

He didn’t answer, but moved slowly to stand beside the bed, staring down at you.

“You want my cock? Hm? Is that what you want, pet?” He asked, his voice flowing like honey on your ears, making you shiver in anticipation of how he was likely going to leave you limping afterwards.

“Please, ruin me” you breathlessly begged. The way he was treating you was so sadistic, but oh it felt so right.

“Gladly” He growled in response.

Quickly, he worked to remove your tank top, finding the lingerie you wore beneath it.

“You wore this just for me didn’t you?” He smirked, taking your lifted breasts into his grasp. He didn’t admire your attire for long, because he removed your bra just as quickly as he found it, “and I bet your cunt is already soaking fucking wet isn’t it?” He asked, pushing you back onto his bed with force, and eagerly sliding your shorts from your hips. Suddenly he plunged two fingers inside of you, allowing him to feel what he suspected, and you gasped in response.

“You need my cock this bad? What a needy little whore” He whispered against your ear, hovering above your completely exposed body. Chills erupted across your entire body, which Crosshair noticed immediately, “Beg for it”

“I want you to- oh my gods- I want you to fuck me, Crosshair. Please” You begged through your whimpering as his fingers pumped in and out with the perfect curl, apply perfect pressure inside of you.

“I’ve thought about it, myself” He began, “thought about the way you’d look squirming beneath me. How pathetic you’d sound begging for me to ruin you. Look at you now. It’s only my fingers” He chuckled, so intent on humiliating you.

“It feels so good” You moaned, feeling a precious tension forming in your lower belly.

“I bet it does” He smirked, immediately pulling his fingers from your pussy and ripping your approaching orgasm away from you, “touch yourself while I get undressed”

You did as he asked, and rubbed your clit slowly as you watch the armor and clothes fall from his body. Maker, he was beautiful. Every scar, edge, and mark creating a masterpiece of his figure. You’d never been this wet before, and it was only getting more intense as your clit throbbed beneath your fingers.

He watched hungrily, trying not to be too be too obvious with how beautiful he thought you looked getting yourself off just waiting on him, but he could watch you do this all day.

“Crosshair” You whimpered as your eyes landed on his cock, he was larger and thicker than you were expecting. He really was going to ruin you. He stroked himself gently, his gaze traveling the length of your sprawled out body. On display just for him.

“Turn over” He demanded.

You flipped onto your belly, and anxiously waited for what was to come next. Your cunt clenched around nothing as you ached to be filled and you groaned in desperation.

“Please”

“Patience, slut” He scolded, letting his new name for you roll off his tongue with a deep satisfaction

Your next breath lodged itself in your throat as the full length of his cock slammed into your cunt, brutally filling you so suddenly with almost no warning. You winced in the stinging pleasure, quickly overcoming the small bit of pain. The pain was nice, and you’ll admit that you didn’t know you even liked pain until you’d just felt it like this. But it felt good.

A loud cry tried to leave your lips but was halted by the wrapping of his hand around your mouth as he leaned down, his chest against your back. To feel him use you like this was exactly what you wanted, and the slight twinge of pain only made it all the better.

“You can take it, Y/N” He encouraged, the first and only bit of praise he muttered.

Your muffled mess of whimpers hummed against the palm of his hand, earning a smirk from him you weren’t lucky enough to see. His thrusts were brutal, fucking you like you he absolutely hated you. The sound of the skin of your ass slapping against him with every motion accompanied the sound of your expression to pleasure.

At first, all that you’d heard from Crosshair were rough and quiet grunts, but he was growing louder, sounding satisfied with the feeling of your slickness and how good it felt to claim you after thinking of you like this for so long.

“Look at you, so desperate for it” He leaned down, pressing his lips hungrily against your neck, moving his hand from your mouth to wrap in the locks of your hair. As he yanked your head back, your moans were amplified and unrestricted.

“You fuck me so good, Crosshair” You looked up and back at him, your gaze almost breaking him, but he looked away from you, and down to where your bodies were fused together. It was unbearable how good it felt, and you were overwhelmed with all of it. Your heated skin, the friction against your clit with every swing of his hips, the sensation of being used by him, and how rough he was with you…that was the icing on the cake.

“Everyone will know if you keep screaming” He hissed.

“I want them to know” You bragged.

“Yeah?” He teased you.

An unexpected flash of burning pain struck your ass, his hand rested against your rear after striking you. You cried out in pleasure, approving of the feeling. Crosshair was happy to take that as a sign to do it again, and it was harder the second time.

His hands moved to tightly grip your waist, using it to his advantage to thrust deeper and deeper. His wandering grip traveled to your breast and squeezed, the soft of your skin driving him wild. With each second, his cock brushed against your g-spot, inching you closer and closer to your climax.

“Fuck” He groaned deep, losing himself in how good you felt, he was getting close too.

“I want you to fill me up” You begged him, needing so desperately to feel his release inside you.

The growl in his moan as he didn’t respond made it clear that he wanted that too. And just hearing you say it sent him over his edge. The pace of his hips slowed, and his expressions of pleasure grew louder, which was music to your ears. Just then you felt the warmth of his cum spill inside you. He leaned over you, pressing his chest into your back, holding you while he came, his nails digging deep into your waist.

You hadn’t come yet, and with him pulling out of you, you didn’t expect to. To your surprise, you squealed as he eagerly picked you up and flipped you over on your back.

“I never leave a woman unsatisfied” He said sadistically.

The hollowness that began to ache you was then filled by his fingers once again. Using the slickness of your arousal and his own cum, he fucked you with his fingers. Crosshair hovered above you, creating a sense of odd comfort for you.

“You gonna come for me slut? Gonna come on my fingers?” He taunted you, his demeaning tone only encouraging your orgasm more.

“Fuck, yes, please don’t stop”

And he didn’t. His thumb worked softly at your clit, as he curled his digits inside of you. Anyone in the entire wing could’ve heard you now, your moaning and whimpering was relentlessly loud, and gods you didn’t care at all.

He felt you clench around him, and listened to the way you became breathless for a moment before the tension unraveled itself so gracefully. As he felt you come, he stared deep into your eyes, his other hand holding the side of your face. You weren’t sure where this care or gentleness came from, but you savored it, staring back and leaning into him.

“There you go. Come for me” He reiterated, adoring the look on your face while you fell apart beneath him.

It washed over you like a giant wave of ecstasy, filling every inch of your body with an overwhelming tingling pleasure. You’d never felt an orgasm so intense before, and he worked you through every second of it.

You swore that there were stars in your eyes as you floated back to reality, and it was then that you realized you were fully holding onto him, and he was letting you.

“Should’ve got you alone a long time ago” He smirked, still looking down at you, making sure you were okay.

“I guess one of us had to make the first move, huh?”

“Don’t sass me” He playfully scoffed as he laid down beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him.

Maybe Crosshair had a soft spot for you after all.

-

A/N: Apologies for any types my loves, I will try and check for any mistakes later!!

feedback and comments are always so encouraging and appreciated. If you enjoyed this, please let me know❤️

[peachhflavoredblood]

Far too gone to get out, Far too sane to disappear.

I wrote this for my lovely friend, Maki (@dazai-ritualist) and her yandere Alastor au which I swear is my favorite thing ever. She's literally the sweetest thing ever and if you like yandere Alastor, you will be in heavan. Please please follow and read the series. I swear you won't regret it!!!

"I find that the harder you seem to grip, the more you seem to drop, my love."

Alastor had been quiet the past few days. That was…never good. If he was quiet, it meant he needed to be in deep thought…and if he needed to be in deep thought, you were royally fucked.

Today had been no different. You had woken up late, You went down to the kitchen, where your son and Alastor sit in the wooden breakfast nook that you and Alastor had built together before…all of this.

Everything was normal…

That was bad.

“Mama! Hi! Good morning! Papa-” Noah gets up to run over to you like he always would when he woke up before you in the hotel…you smile fondly. It was almost like you were back home…almost like you were normal.

“Alright, Dear. Let’s let mama wake up now, shall we?”

But of course, Alastor just had to crush that. You frown and walk towards your cabinets…the beautiful light green ones you had once taken such care of before…this.

Your husband hands you a cup of coffee, smiling soft enough to not alert Noah but with far too much of an edge to be sweet.

You almost turn as green as your cabinets and throw up. You don’t, though. Not in front of Noah. You’d seen parents argue and you wouldn’t let your son go through that.

Part of you knew it wasn’t arguing, it was survival but that part had long since been silenced.

“The station is having a late start today…something about the end of lent or something to that effect. Never-the-matter, it gave me time to cook this morning. I haven’t had time to cook for him yet.” Alastor gestured to Noah, to which your little boy beamed, just like you had when your marriage had been friendly…platonic…perfect.

Oh how you longed for the days where you’d leave each other alone. Where your house was safe. Where you could do whatever you so wished. Where you could not only not be afraid but also joyful. Where you could be happy.

Because you weren’t happy. Not anymore. From what you’ve read, you were very clearly struggling with depression. However, you knew that seeing a shrink wasn’t an option for you. 

Yeah, no. You weren’t going to give Alastor the chance to say “Mama’s not crazy, my dear, don’t listen to the people down the street…She’s just a little unwell in the head right now. Now smile, she wouldn’t want to see you sad.” To your son. That was not fucking happening.

Alastor looked at you, smiling like the sick, sadistic monster he was.You were stuck. He knew that. He knew that you were in your own head more so than you should, especially when Noah was at school.

He knew you didn’t have anything to keep yourself busy with, hell, he basked in that fact. The fact that you were slowly losing all drive to fight and just accept this was like music to his ears.

You were running out of people to talk to. Running out of neighbors to ask for sugar when you very clearly had a perfectly fine bag in your cupboard.

You were running out of sanity.

Day-by-day, you were slowly becoming more-and-more malleable, more-and-more agreeable, more-and-more lonely, more-and-more unstable. 

You were becoming what he wanted.

And may god or whatever else is out there help you find a way out before it was too late.

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You - (Penelope/Colin) Part 1

Rating: R

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 scene released yesterday.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn't giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Part 1

Penelope stared out at the pond, her last conversation with Colin still running through her mind. I miss you. Few months ago his words would have sparked incredible joy in her but hearing his smug confession last night had elicited nothing but rage. Even now an explosive anger threatened to burn her from the inside out - but she reminded herself to stay composed. Losing her calm over Colin Bridgerton was simply not worth it, not when she had far more important things to worry about.

“Penelope. How are you?”

Hearing Lady Violet’s voice from behind, she turned around to greet the older woman. Except she wasn’t alone. Of course not. Behind her stood most of her family, Colin and Eloise on one side, Gregory and Hyacinth on the other. Penelope quickly shifted her gaze back to Lady Violet. “I’m quite well. How are you?”

“You haven’t paid us a visit in a long time.”

Penelope sensed the scorn vibrating off of Eloise in waves, but she ignored her former friend. Even though her soul ached at the loss of their friendship, a part of her had already grown resigned to their new reality. “I’m afraid country life has kept me busy all these months.”

“Well, you’re back now. I hope to see you at the house more often.”

There was no mention of the falling out with Eloise, nor did Penelope expect there to be. Especially with Eloise pretending she no longer existed. Her eyes roamed over to her friend, only to be ignored. Inevitably her gaze slid over to Colin, and she suddenly found herself the recipient of his intent focus. Somber blue eyes penetrating her through to her very core, making her rattled and anxious and breaking down the very calm façade she worked so hard to build.  

Throughout their entire friendship he’d always been sweet and funny, filling her dull world with hope and color, but the night of her mother’s ball she’d seen the kind of cruelty he was capable of. It was a side of him that she never wished to see again. And feeling his piercing gaze right into her soul, in a way he’d never looked at her before, reminded her of how much of a stranger he really was. “Forgive me, Lady Violet, but I must take my leave. Mama shall be waiting for me.”

She quickly walked past the group, breathing a sigh of relief at no longer being under Colin’s scrutiny. Her relief, however, lasted only a few seconds. Because almost immediately Colin was striding alongside her.

“Pen, we need to speak.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Then I’ll do the talking.”

“And I’m not interested in listening.”

“Too bad. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

She cursed his long legs, because while she struggled to keep up the fast pace he seemed to glide along the path without much effort. Short of running away from him, which would surely cause a scandal amongst the crowd promenading, she had no choice but to keep walking.

“I’m sorry. Truly.” His voice was soft, velvety like butter, like he’d practiced the words many, many times in preparation for the performance of a lifetime. “My words that night-”

“Do you know that I read your letters over the summer? Despite my anger, I still read them.”

An unexpected rawness laced his voice. “Why?”

“Because I needed to know. Would I recognize that insincerity in your words now that I knew the truth about your disdain towards me. And do you know what I discovered?”

She finally turned to look at him, and just for a moment the world stopped. Like it always did. His eyes were bluer than the sea itself, a symphony of agony and need, beckoning her towards him. She suddenly found it difficult to breathe, her heart caught in a whirlwind of chaos.

“Tell me.”

It wasn’t a request, nor a plea. It was a demand. As if he was entitled to her thoughts, her heart. Her very soul.  Well, damn him. Damn him for playing her for a fool. And damn herself for ever loving him. “You are an extraordinarily talented writer, Mr. Bridgerton. So good in fact that I woulld never have guessed your true thoughts if I didn’t hear you utter them myself.”

“That’s not fair. It was one night, Pen! One night! When I was drunk out of my mind and said something foolish. Are you really willing to give up on me after years of friendship because of something so small?”

“Yes.” Her response was quick and resolute, surprising even herself.

Stunned, Colin stared back at her. “Yes?” The tremor in his voice was unmistakable. “You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?”

The change in him was sudden and abrupt, taking her by surprise when he moved swiftly to block her path.

The blues of his eyes were so dark they bordered on brown, a storm brewing in them. Staring back at her was a man she didn’t recognize, different from the boy she grew up with,and the man who humiliated her without a thought. This was a stranger in front of her, anger etched on his face, jaw clenched with tension.

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

She didn’t think he could hurt her more, but he managed to do it nonetheless. “I never expected you to court me, Colin. You don’t love me. I’m quite aware of that. But you could have told them there was nothing between us. You could’ve even said I meant nothing to you. Instead you mocked me, derided me so you could look good in front of your peers, and that makes you someone I never want to associate with.”

 “I made a mistake, Pen.”

“Miss Featherington,” she bit out through gritted teeth. “That is who I am to you from now on. Nothing more.”

“So that’s it? I make a mistake and you erase me from your life just like that?” He snapped his finger angrily. “Are you so fucking perfect that you’ve never wronged anyone?

They’d been standing still for far too long, their conversation growing more potent every second. All of a sudden she was acutely aware of glances in her direction, people’s eyes sliding over her and Colin, and she realized how dangerous this was. Risking her carefully crafted plans for a few heated moments with him was idiotic. “People are staring at us, Colin.”

“I don’t care.”

“Obviously.” She offered a small smile at the couple who walked past her, trying to appear amiable. “You may not be concerned about my reputation but I am. And I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my way.”

“I’m not willing to give up on our friendship like you.”

His snarky words drew her gaze back to him. “Walk away, Mr. Bridgerton. Let me be.”

“And if I don’t?”

The hint of menace sent an unexpected shiver down her spine. “You would not be the gentleman you claim to be.”

“Perhaps I’m not. Perhaps everything you’ve accused me of is true.” He took a step closer, eyes shining brightly. “Maybe I am cunning and cruel. What then?”

Her heart pounded in her chest. “What is it that you want from me?”

“Forgiveness.”

“Fine. You’re forgiven.”

“You’re lying.”

“And you’re being rude.”

Eyes locked, they regarded each other intently. She didn’t understand what he was doing, why he was behaving this way. Why his stare seemed to be all consuming, studying her, trailing down to her mouth when she licked her bottom lip before drifting back up again. He’d never behaved this way before, A complete stranger in every way. “If you ever valued me as a friend, you would do as I ask.”

“I could say the same. If you valued me, you wouldn’t cast me aside.”

“You can not force me to continue this.”

“Would that be such a hardship? To move past one mistake and leave it behind us?” Desperation brimmed from him, he swallowed audibly. “I may not wish to court you but you are important to me. You’re my dearest friend. I can not envision a life without you.”

She exhaled a long, drawn-out breath. “You must.”

His lips twisted into a cruel plea. “Why?”

“Because I am to be married, Colin!” Instantly she regretted her words, hating herself for letting him provoke her. Yes, it was the truth, a plan that had taken months to carefully develop and plot – and now she’d ruined it by announcing it too early, and to him of all people!

“What?” He faltered back, stunned by her words. “You’re engaged? To whom? Why-”

“All you need to know is that my future husband and I have already discussed the matter and he wishes for me to have nothing to do with you. So goodbye, Mr. Bridgerton, because this the last time you and I will speak alone.” She stormed away, before he could stop her.

To be continued...

A/N - Um, thoughts? Feedback is always appreciated. I'm liking the idea of Colin and Penelope going head to head over the destruction of their friendship :)

[jellalism]

Diluc x GN!Reader fic: In safe hands

You are having a depressive episode. Diluc takes care of you.

Word count: 1018

Genre: Comfort

Content warnings: Depression, not wanting to eat, and anti-natalist thinking (i.e. thinking it is better not to be born).

Notes: First published on AO3 a year and a half ago. Thought I'd finally post it on here, too.

Read below or on AO3.

You sit on the couch of the Dawn Winery Manor. Knees up, nestled under a blanket, staring into space. Comfy, but you’re not happy. It isn’t that anything is particularly wrong, but you’ve been feeling down today. The whole week, really. It’s just one of those episodes you have every once in a while. You know you’ll get through it, but that doesn’t make it any easier to bear. On the worst days, you can barely drag yourself out of bed, eating is a chore, and doing any actual work is an impossible task. Today is perhaps not that bad, but not much better either. Add to that, the terrible boredom. If you had anything to distract yourself with, it might be bearable – but what do you do if your very diversions seem insurmountable tasks themselves? You sigh.

“y/n?” Diluc stands in the middle of the room, taking his coat off. You hadn’t even noticed him coming in.

“Hey,” you say. You wish you could be more outwardly enthusiastic, but you’re too sapped of energy. Inwardly, though, you are quite happy to see him.

“I see you are not doing so well.” He pauses, then walks up to you, bends over, and kisses your forehead. “Hold on, I will make you some tea.”

You murmur a word of thanks, but probably too softly for him to hear as he leaves the room. He could just have one of the servants make the tea, but he prefers to care for you with his own hands. Besides, his expertise doesn’t only pertain alcoholic drinks. He knows the exact right way to make tea, too. None of the servants’ tea can match the Master’s.

You listen to Diluc making noises in the kitchen, as he left the door open. Bringing the water to a boil, measuring the amount of tea, taking the pot from the cabinet – all the while humming a soft tune. Diluc has told you before that humming is an indispensable part of making good tea. You have your doubts, but have no reason to complain; you’re quite content listening to his song. Diluc isn’t free of his own demons, but he can get into the tasks at hand and lose himself in it, which allows him to hum in such a carefree way.

After a couple of minutes, Diluc returns, carrying a tray. On it, a pot of tea, two cups, and… a croissant. Why must he be so perceptive? you wonder. He definitely noticed you haven’t eaten – it is like a sixth sense he has. Diluc places the tray on the table and, without a word, starts pouring the tea. Then he puts one cup in front of you, giving you a smile and a wink. The second cup he places next to yours, and then he seats himself next to you on the couch. His arm goes over your shoulder and pulls you closer to him. You relax, leaning against his body. It’s warm, comfortably warm. You close your eyes.

“Tell me what is on your mind.”

You are silent for a moment, collecting your thoughts. “I don’t know,” you start softly. Diluc murmurs an encouraging sound. Still trying to find the right words, you continue: “Sometimes I just feel so down without an apparent reason. And once I’m that way, the negative thoughts come pouring in, to keep me held down. I fear that I’m never gonna be alright. That I’m not worthy of love. That I’ve misled people into loving me, because if they truly knew me, they wouldn’t stick around. That it'd be better for everyone if I were never born.”

“I respectfully disagree, my love.” Diluc replied. “You are… quite someone, you know? There is no need to be afraid that people would cower at the sight of the ‘real you’. I have been with you for some time, and you have bared your soul. And I am still here, remember? I love you with all your insecurities and wounds, all your mistakes and the things you think are imperfections. I have seen all of you, and I am ‘sticking around’. I love you, and I love being with you.”

A single tear runs over your cheek. “Thank you,” you say. The response feels inadequate, but you can’t quite put your feelings into words. “That means a lot,” you add, turning to face him. He smiles at you in a loving way. His right arm still wrapped around your shoulders, he brings his left hand to your face, holding your chin. His touch is ever so gentle, like you’re a beautiful yet fragile flower. You close your eyes as he leans in. His lips touch yours, press upon them with reservation betraying unparalleled devotion. He tastes like apple cider, with that slight taste of cinnamon.

As the kiss comes to an end, Diluc doesn’t lean back, but rather embraces you tightly. “You mean a lot to me,” he murmurs in your ear. “Don’t you ever forget that.”

You make no sound, letting yourself melt in his arms. They are so warm, so safe. Diluc breath tickles your neck.

After a while, Diluc lets go of the embrace, though one of his hands searches yours and holds it. With the other hand, he reaches for the plate with the croissant and picks it up. “Eat something, sweetheart.” You look at the pastry with aversion. Diluc doesn’t fail to notice. “I know you do not want to, but I do not wish to see you neglect your body. If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for me, alright?” He looks at you imploringly and softly squeezes your hand.

“Alright.” You remove your hand from his hold, take the croissant from the plate and take a small bite.

“Good,” Diluc mumbles under his breath. His now-freed hand goes to your head, and starts playing with your hair. “It’s so soft.”

As you slowly eat the pastry, Diluc continues his play with your hair. His fingers are so delicate, so careful. If it’s under his care, eating isn’t all that bad, you suppose.

Notes

Thanks for reading! I really enjoy reading your comments, whether that's as an actual comment or just your reactions in the tags of a reblog. So if you enjoyed, please leave a comment!

[timetorace]

𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭

HELLO! My first Max one shot, so excited for this one. To the anon that requested it: Thank u so much I hope you like it. 

ship: max verstappen x toto wolff daughter!reader.

summary: Five years ago you used to love Max but you had to say goodbye, will you be able to save what you could have been?

warnings:  SMUT. SMUT. Unprotected sex. Oral (f! receiving). Doggy style. Dirty words. 

word count: +6.0K

waity katie: Catherine Middleton was given the nickname “Waity Katie” to mock her because of the time Prince William took to propose to her.

May 2017 | Monte Carlo, Monaco

It was raining buckets; you weren’t surprised it rained that week. It was almost a tradition that it rained for the Monaco Grand Prix. All of Monaco was in a bubble after yesterday’s race but you were going to see him. You had decided that you had had enough. Max and you had been seeing each other secretly for a year now, long enough for both of you to know what you wanted. You had been mulling over going public since the beginning of the year while Max was still scared of the consequences. Or at least that’s what you thought at first. Now you weren’t sure anymore, especially after last night. You and Max had hung out with his friends and some mutual friends who worked on some teams. The club was full, but even so, when you had returned from the bathroom you had heard how one of Max’s friends called you “waity Katie”, the rest laughed and Max just stood there, said nothing or moved. You didn’t even try to say anything. The problem was that this had been like a wake-up call for you because when you arrived home you couldn’t stop thinking and seeing what you had lost.

When you thought about it, you realized the signs were always there, the way he changed the subject when you talked about going public with what they had or at least telling people around you like your dad. Oh, your dad. That was another thing. Your dad was Toto Wolff, who had tried to get Max to sign with Mercedes instead of Red Bull a couple of years ago but he had failed. Your dad would not be too happy that you got involved with a driver. They were strictly forbidden, especially since you were only 19 years old and most of them were much older than you.

You felt like a toy, after not sleeping the night before thinking about it you had concluded that Max didn’t care enough about you, you really hoped you were wrong though. Because otherwise, you could already feel your heart breaking. You were afraid, afraid that Max wasn’t into you half as much as you were into him.

You let out a sigh as you got into the elevator and put in the magnetic key so you could go up to Max’s penthouse. That’s how serious you thought you were, you had the key to go up to his apartment; you liked to use it to go to his house after leaving work and cuddle up against him. You liked that. Now that made you feel so stupid. Haven’t you seen the signs? Or had you seen them and ignored them because you were too into him to recognize them? When the elevator stopped at the top floor and before the doors opened, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath to prepare yourself.

“Hey, you’re early,” Max greeted you when you got out of the elevator. He was in shorts and a T-shirt watching a soccer game on television.

“My boss let me go earlier,” you explained. You were interning at a venture capital firm and living with your father, Susie, Jack in Monte Carlo. Your father was more than happy because he had always kept you at a distance, living in Germany.

“Surely he saw you hadn’t closed an eye last night” You hadn’t but not for the reasons he believed. You hadn’t even had enough to drink to have a hangover, you hadn’t stopped giving the subject a run for its money.

“Yeah, probably” You shrugged and crossed your arms. If you were going to have that conversation, you were going to stand still.

“Are you okay?” he asked, frowning.

“Yes,” You hesitated “Well, no” You added, “I think we should tell them” By them, you meant your family, his family, and possibly Max’s PR team.

“I think it’s still too early”

“Soon? Max, we’ve been doing this for a year now” “This” was referring to whatever it was you had, until yesterday you thought it was a relationship but now you thought it had actually been just an adventure or an affair all this time. “My father will get over it,” you told him before Max winced and you knew it. Toto Wolff wasn’t his problem “But my father is not the problem” You murmured before closing your eyes “Oh my God” What a fool you had been. Max wasn’t afraid of what his father might say. He wanted you as his little toy, his secret. You let out a bitter laugh. Less than 24 hours ago you were sure that he loved you. How had life changed so fast? “Don’t” You told him, taking a step back when you saw Max get up from the couch to approach you.

“(Y/N)” He called you

“I don’t want to be your dirty little secret, Max,” you said, letting out a bitter laugh. That couldn’t be happening to you “I can’t and won’t be the other woman” Max was a young promise and the girls literally threw themselves at him. You had had to shut your mouth more than once in the last year when he was involved with other girls. And above all, believe him when he told you that everything was rumors. Had he lied about that too?

“You are not my dirty little secret” That was a lie. He knew it, you knew it.

“You treat me like one,” you pointed out. It was almost as if he was ashamed of you, but you knew that in reality, he was too immature to be honest with you about it “And I deserve more than that”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that if you weren’t ready to commit, you just had to say so, Max! There was no need to have me hovering around you” You were angrier at his lack of honesty than anything else.

“It’s not that I lack commitment, it’s that for me it’s still too early”

You released an ironic laugh “You and your friends must have had the time of your lives laughing behind my back”

“No one is laughing at you, (Y/N)” He said in a calm tone that almost made you think it was all in your head.

“One of your friends called me 'waity Katie' yesterday” You pointed and saw how his expression changed to a mix between astonishment and surprise “Yes, I heard it, thanks for defending me by the way”

And then he did probably the thing that hurt you the most that night. The bastard shrugged. He shrugged. As if he didn’t care.

“They are just messing around” Was he downplaying it? Wh-What was going on? You had entered a parallel reality suddenly.

“And you let them do it?” you raised your eyebrows

“What am I supposed to do? A scene?”

“Em, yeah,” you told him as if it was obvious.

“Don’t be ridiculous”

“I’m not- “you started before stopping mid-sentence. It made little sense. He had already said everything you needed to know. He didn’t interest her. Not only was he not interested in whitewashing you, but he didn’t even care enough to stand up for you. "You know what?" You left the magnetic elevator key next to the coffee table next to the elevator. “Have a good life” You ended up turning to look at him one last time before walking towards the elevator.

“(Y/N)” He called you but you ignored him and pressed the elevator button.

“I don’t want to hear any more of your bullshit,” you replied, looking into his eyes one last time. Max looked devastatingly beautiful, as always, even with that look on your face “Not anymore” you added before the doors closed in front of you. He didn’t come back. He just stood there.

You greeted the doorman on your way out of the building. Dammit. The storm had broken, and you hadn’t brought an umbrella. Could that day get worse? Apparently yes, because when you were halfway home, soaked to the feet, your phone vibrated with a text from Max.

Max: Call me when you calm down, please?

Call him? He wanted you to call him? Hadn’t he caught the vibe? If he wanted to talk to you, he knew where you lived. He could call you instead of asking you to do so. Suddenly you realized something else. It was always you who made the effort for you. You just sent him to hell, and he was making the minimum effort. How pathetic and painful. Not even the rain could erase the tears in your eyes. It was incredibly painful to find out that a person didn’t love you even a quarter of what you loved about him.

(Y/N): Do me a favor, delete this number.

———————————————————————————————

June 2022 | Montreal, Canada (Five years later)

There you were. Canada. It wasn’t like you didn’t like to travel and accompany your father from time to time, but Canada meant jet lag and jet lag. He insisted and you couldn’t tell him no, since you had moved back to the UK, you didn’t see each other as often. The bad part was that he hadn’t gotten a room in the same hotel as his, so you were staying somewhere else. What you didn’t know was that Max was staying in the same hotel as you. You were going down in the elevator to have breakfast when it stopped at the fifth floor and Max went up. Great. You two met twice but just exchanged glances or a brief hello, as if you were strangers as if you barely knew who each other was. Actually, for the rest of the world, it was like that. You two never existed.

You moved your leg up and down impatiently, looking at the floor numbers as the elevator descended. Just as they were about to take you downstairs, you saw out of the corner of your eye that Max, who had been staring at you ever since he entered the elevator, would open his mouth, ready to say something.

You beat him to it “Whatever it is, save it, I don’t want to hear it” You told him before the elevator doors opened and you shot out of there.

The fight between Red Bull and Mercedes was real. Especially after last year, when he had been world champion. You couldn’t help but be happy for him even when your father was still complaining about how Masi had given away the championship to Red Bull. Max deserved it because he was an incredible driver but also now everyone was doubting last year’s championship and you knew he wanted to show that he was worthy of being world champion. You could respect that.

That same night, when you were watching a movie and about to sleep, someone knocked on your door. When you looked through the peephole, you saw it was Max. You got nervous. Anyone could see him standing there in the middle of the corridor in front of his door.

You yanked the door open “What are you doing here? People are gonna see you,” you whispered before grabbing his arm and pulling him into your room to close the door behind him.

“I need to talk to you,” Max explained

“I don’t see why,” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You know why”

“No, I don’t, I don’t read minds”

“I wanna talk about it” You knew that by “it” he probably meant the obvious. What had happened to you? You didn’t want to put labels on it because you didn’t even know if what they had qualified as a relationship.

“About what? You’re gonna have to be more specific than that, Max.” If he wanted to talk, then they were going to talk, but first, you were going to make him suffer a little.

“I wanted to talk about what happened, in Monaco, five years ago”

“You will say”

“You tried to give me an ultimatum” Oh, if that was how he was going to start by accusing you, then it would not end any better than last time.

“After a year Max, that doesn’t even count as an ultimatum, especially when you were supposed to be in a relationship,” you replied, trying to keep your voice as calm as possible. What you had had had been a relationship, at least for you.

“We were in a relationship,” Max corrected you.

“It didn’t seem like it.” You wanted to be as honest as possible. For a year it had seemed that way, but then you realized you had just ignored the signs.

“I’m sorry, for everything”

“You’re going to need more than that Max” That he apologized was the beginning, but now that he had stirred up the past, you wanted him to really mean it.

“I was an asshole” Max ruffled the hair on the back of his neck with his hand.

“Yes, you were” There was no point in denying it when it was what you thought.

“Thanks,” He replied with a sarcastic tone

“You said it first,” You shrugged

“I’m sorry I kept you in the dark and kept you a secret,” He clarified. At least he acknowledged that he had done wrong “You deserved more”

“That’s not even the problem” Actually it was okay for Max to admit that he had been wrong for keeping you a secret but that wasn’t even what hurt you the most “You made fun of me by letting other people put me nicknames” The fact that he had said nothing. Uff, that if he had hurt “You played games with me, I didn’t deserve that” The lie had bothered you the most. He just needed to be honest with you “You could just be honest and tell me you weren’t ready for commitment in the first place”

“You’re right, I was immature”

“Yes, you were”

“I should have been honest with you”

“Yes, you should have”

“And I should have said something that night at the club”

“Yes, you should have,” you repeated with a nod. You would deny nothing or try to make him feel better about it. If he wanted to be a big boy, then he had to accept his mistakes.

“Are you going to agree with everything I say? Well, that’s something new,” He scoffed.

You shrugged. “If you’re going, to tell the truth, I won't make you feel better about yourself.”

“I’m really, really sorry” He finished, and you believed him. After he listed the mistakes he had made, you believed him. It meant that he really knew that he was wrong and that he wasn’t saying it to sweeten your ears or because it was what he thought you wanted to hear.

“Because right now?” You asked, a little curious, why he had removed all this so many years later and why he seemed so eager to clear things up, “Why did you come?”

“Your perfume”

“What?”

“Today, in the elevator, I could smell your perfume,” Max explained “It reminded me of a lot of things, but it made me realize I miss you and that I could never fill the void that you left”

“We have crossed paths many times in the last few years,” you pointed out. You had not spoken, but you had seen each other on over one occasion afterward. It wasn’t like I saw you for the first time today.

“And I’ve always been able to ignore what I felt after seeing you, letting it go” Max nodded I understand what you were referring to. It was strange because his visit that night had taken you by surprise “Until today”

“And what happened today?” You raised your eyebrows.

“Today I couldn’t let go,” He said and you couldn’t help but gasp. Was he saying what you thought he was saying? “And I hate I can’t move on, get over you. Today I just stare there, watching you walk away from me and it felt painful” Oh God. Oh my God. He was saying what you thought he was saying. There were no doubts. You didn’t believe in destiny. You were a person of facts. If you couldn’t see it, you didn’t believe in it, but your heart wanted to believe Max. You hated when your heart got involved because he was the one who made you make stupid decisions.

“So…” you said after a moment of silence between the two of you, not sure how to continue that conversation or if there was actually anything else to say.

“So…”

“You like my perfume,” you told him, raising your eyebrows in mockery.

Max let out a laugh “I just gave you an entire book of apologies and that’s the only thing left in your head?”

You shrugged “You said my perfume made you come here, so it’s an important fact though” You answered before he took a step towards you, closing the distance between you “What are you doing?”

“I’m kissing you,” Max answered before leaning towards you to meet your lips with yours. That took you back in time, to those sneaky caresses, to those stolen kisses and secret encounters. It took you back to his apartment in Monaco, to his couch, petting Sassy, while Max watched a football match. It made you remember him and the familiarity of him and, unfortunately, you liked that a lot. He felt like home, he felt like he belonged. When you separated you stayed looking at him but you saw how his gaze lowered a little and you noticed that from above he had a good angle of your boobs under your pajama satin tank top.

“Stop,” you told him, crossing your arms over your chest to cover yourself.

“I didn’t do anything,” He replied, feigning innocence and raising his hands up.

You gave him a reproachful look. Clearly, he was looking at your boobs, taking advantage of the fact that he was a couple of centimeters taller than you. Honestly, you weren’t expecting visitors either, so you were in pajamas and without a bra, so you didn’t want to lower your eyes to see if your panties were showing on the satin.

“Ok, sorry, it’s not my fault they’re exposed like that”

You let out a laugh “Really? You just apologized and now you want to offend me again?”

“Is a compliment”

“You are very close to being kicked out of my room” You warned him

“What do I have to do so you don’t?” He asked to give you a puppy look. You hated the way he was a professional extortionist and the soft spot you had for him.

“Stop acting like a slug when I just forgave you,” You said, and he licked his lips almost without thinking, which made you unable to prevent your mind from drifting towards not holy thoughts.

“Ok, ok, I’m done,” He said, raising his hands in a sign of innocence before you approached him a little closer, bumping your chest against his to kiss him again. Were you acting contradictory? Yes, of course, you did, but suddenly you wondered how it would feel to run your hand through his hair. To feel again the sensation of your fingers massaging the nape of his neck.

“Who’s acting like a slug now?” He scoffed, briefly separating from you to rest the back of his head against yours.

“Shut up,” you complained before kissing him again so you wouldn’t have to listen to his arrogant and stupid mouth mocking you. Max was arrogant, and he knew what generated you, you were not immune to his charms and there was no point in denying it. What were you doing messing with him five years after you dumped him? Clearly, I wasn’t thinking rationally. You were thinking about your vagina. Were you going to regret it later? Definitely not because sex with him had always been good. Now, the problem was going to happen after that. Because if there was one thing you didn’t want, it was to go back to where you guys had been and there was no chance of getting back into a relationship with Max after what had happened. You weren’t sure you could bet on yourself again.

Your hands slid down the back of your neck caressing your hair. You remembered how much you liked to do that. Max grabbed you around the waist to lift you slightly into the air and carry you to the bed. You pulled him to you again by his shirt from him when he put you on the bed. He was still wearing the same perfume. You took a few seconds to inhale his scent. That felt familiar and felt too close to make you feel sentimental. That was a bad idea. You had to act and not think. You slid your hands to unbutton his jeans before removing the Red Bull polo shirt.

“You really want to undress me I see”

You rolled your eyes. “Shut up.” You had forgotten how arrogant he could be. As in everything he did, he liked to succeed in all areas of his life. You hated to admit it, but he fucked well and he was well aware of that.

He giggled and just kissed you again, making you smile between the kiss, remembering how much fun you guys could have together. Max grabbed the edge of your shorts and pulled them down your legs, along with your panties. Your legs stretched out and your feet stood on tiptoes, craving his touch. 

He moved you to the edge of the bed, and he knelt between your legs. You rested your elbows on the bed so you could see him. He ran his tongue along your folds and you gasped, throwing your head back. The anticipation was killing you. He started playing with his tongue in your pussy, playing with your opening, teasing you, and getting to know him. Max was enjoying taking you to the limit. You moved slightly, and he placed his hand on your belly to keep you still by pressing you against the mattress. He moved up your folds to your clit and sucked on it, making you let out a loud, clear moan. The way he took his time, to adore you, to make you feel as much pleasure as possible. Your hands clung to the fabric of the sheets as Max worked on your pussy. You felt how the muscles of your pussy contracted against his tongue and you knew he was stubborn enough not to stop until you came in his mouth. You moved your hips against your mouth as much as his hand pressing your belly against the bed allowed. Max nibbled lightly on your clit before outlining it with the tip of his tongue, making you crave contact as he ran his tongue around his without touching it. He knew what he was doing because two minutes later he was back at it, licking up your juices and sucking on your clit, making your cunt twitch every time he did it. Your moans grew louder as he reached for his arms to play with the tips of your nipples between his fingers. That was it, that sent you over the edge and it was all it took for you to let out a little yelp of pleasure before you came against him. Even in the post-orgasm fog, you could feel him sucking your juices. Playing with your fingers there didn’t feel nearly the same. You had forgotten what devastating orgasms were like.

Your mind was still trying to recover from the earthquake that had been your orgasm when you felt Max pull you towards him and turn you over, placing your face down on the mattress. You let out a lopsided smile. He still remembered it. Bastard.

“I still remember how much you liked to do it that way,” he murmured, pushing you into doggy style on the bed.

“Do you?” You asked, raising your eyebrows as he brushed your hair to one side so that it fell over your shoulder.

“Yes, I remember it pretty well actually,” He whispered, playing with the tip of his cock against your folds. You couldn’t help but move your ass against him “Along with your moans when you were full of my cock”

“You may imagine things,” you pointed out, letting out a gasp as you felt him place just the tip of his cock inside you.

“Do you believe so? We will see,” He said before sliding the rest of his cock inside you in one motion.

“Fuck yes” You exclaimed. You felt so full with his cock inside you.

“You were saying?” He asked, and despite having his back turned, you could feel the arrogant smile on his face.

“Shut up,” you moaned before he moved inside you. How good that felt. You were so full, so wet that his cock slid smoothly inside you. You felt how he approached your ear and played with the earlobe, nibbling on it while he rammed you hard. Max’s hands slid in front of you to play with your clitoris between his fingers, rubbing it hard and making you let out a couple of moans that came out more like screams than anything else. The combination of sensations and movements was exquisite. You needed it as much as you needed to come at that moment. You could feel your juices soaking into your thighs too. He panted and moan against your ear, causing the air to tickle you, making you want his cum more and more. You wanted to cum, you needed to cum.

“Should I-” Max asked in a gasp. You knew what he was going to ask. He always asked you the same thing when you guys had safe sex.

“No” He wanted to know if he had to get his cock out of him or not. The answer was always no, but you were taking pills and the idea of ​​having your cum between your legs really turned you on. “It’s okay”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah” You confirmed him and that was enough because he started moving faster against you. You could feel the noise of his balls slapping against your legs until the tug of your earlobe between his teeth and you knew he was on edge. You contracted the muscles of your pussy around his cock on purpose, which made you feel the first load of his cum inside you, which triggered your second orgasm of the night. How good that felt.

You rolled over to place your back against the mattress and Max threw himself next to you. You fell into silence for the next two minutes before Max spoke again.

“Everything is ok?”

You just gave him a shaky smile in response because you weren’t sure you knew what to say.

————————————————————————————————————————

July 2022 | Monte Carlo, Monaco 

The next few weeks were a bit of a blur. You had returned to England but then found a lame excuse to visit your father in Monaco. You and Max hadn’t stopped fucking in those two weeks. If it wasn’t in bed, it was on the couch and if it wasn’t on the couch, it was on the kitchen counter. Anywhere was a good excuse to get naked. You hadn’t talked about what was going to happen to you later. On the one hand, you didn’t want to do it because you really wanted nothing more than sex. You needed to repeat it to yourself. Just wanted sex from him. You couldn’t hope for anything more about Max. They hadn’t spoken until that night. The next morning Max was going to go to Silverstone, and you were going to stay with Susie and your brother Jack.

You were both in bed after watching a football game, watching the post-game interviews with Max hugging you from behind in a spoon position when he turned down the volume.

“I grew up,” He said suddenly.

“I see,” you told him, raising your eyebrows, thinking that he was referring to his sexual abilities.

“No, not like that,” He shook his head “I’m not a kid anymore”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that I learned from my mistakes,” He clarified.

Oh. He wanted to go there? You straightened up to separate yourself a bit from him, sitting on the couch to turn to look at him “What are you saying, Max?” You wanted to know what he meant before you said anything.

“I want to say that we deserve a second chance”

You laughed “Yeah, I’m not doing that again, you wanna fuck? Fine, but I’m not trying anything else with you ever again”

“Why not?” He asked, and you felt a little guilty for being so blunt about it, but you had to be. You felt you had to protect your heart.

“Cause we already tried once and everything went down the drain”

“(Y/N), I’m not just fucking with you, I don’t want just sex from this” Max frowned "I thought we agreed about it”

You raised your eyebrows “Apparently we are not”

“You thought I just wanted sex from you and that’s why I went to apologize? I was hoping you would have a higher opinion of me.”

“I do, It’s just that-” You let out a sigh “We already collided once Max, the last time it didn’t go very well”

“So? Let’s try again”

“Max, I-” You passed your hand around your neck “I can’t allow you to break my heart again” The feeling of losing it and the anguish of having done it that way had left you broken into a thousand pieces.

“I won’t do it”

“You can’t give me guarantees,” you pointed out

“(Y/N)” He called you taking you by the cheeks so you could look at him “I know what I did wrong five years ago and I don’t plan to do it again, this time we are going to do it right”

“And what if not?”

“Then I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.” He replied, and the sweet way he said it made your heart race.

You sighed “Do you really want to do this?”

“Yes, I do”

“Don’t break my heart again Max”

“I won’t”

—————————————————————————————————

July 2022 | Le Castellet, France

You believed it could not be repeated and yet, Max and you had returned to stolen kisses and secret meetings everywhere. You had agreed to try something serious again with him, but you had not agreed to make it public yet. Now, the one who did not want everyone to know was you. The roles had been reversed. You still weren’t sure that this was going to end well, and you didn’t want to stir up the abyss for nothing.

“Ok, we need to tell them,” Max told you as he stroked your hair. You were lying on the bed of the motorhome waiting for it to be time for him to go to the paddock.

“No, we don’t”

“You know what Christian is going to do if he finds out for someone else? Eat me for breakfast,” Max complained.

You rolled your eyes “Sometimes I can’t believe how dramatic you are”

“(Y/N), we are going serious about this,” Max frowned “I thought we agreed on that”

“We do, but I don’t want to stir everything up for nothing,” You shrugged “Let’s go step by step”

“Are you afraid that we won’t last?”

“Honestly? I don’t know what’s going to happen” You confessed biting your lower lip “And I don’t want to add more factors to the equation”

“Your father deserves to at least know” Max’s family already knew and had kept it a secret, so it was only fair that your father found out too.

“Now, do you want to tell him?” Five years ago, that had been one of the turning points for you and now he kept pressing you to be honest with your father.

“I told you to grow up and I think so. He deserves to know” Max shrugged “Besides, I’m not a child. Toto Wolff doesn’t scare me”

“Sure?” It didn’t scare him as a director of Mercedes but as a father-in-law? That was a whole other version.

“I would do anything for you” He wasn’t a romantic who was always making grand gestures or saying cheesy things to you, but when he said things like that your heart swelled.

“Ok, I’ll try to tell him after this weekend”

The “after this weekend” ended up becoming “today” because you couldn’t deal with the anxiety of sharing the garage with your father and the only thing you could think about throughout the race was that you were a liar. Max’s words kept echoing in his mind. Susie was with you and Jack was staying in Monaco, so maybe with her around you could soften the blow? Would you have to tell Susie first? You walked to your father’s office. He was working on his laptop. Your flight back to Monaco was supposed to leave in an hour and the airport was five minutes away, so you weren’t surprised your father was still working. You walked into the office that had the door open, rubbing your hands, not knowing what to say, or having an armed speech. were you doing the right thing?

“What happened?” He asked before looking up at you and chuckling, “Why do you look like you’ve broken all the china?”

“I need to tell you something,” you told him, swallowing hard.

“You say,” your father replied, leaning back in his chair and putting aside his laptop. One thing you loved about him is that he always found time for you, but at the time you hated he was staring at you like that.

You decided to just blurt out the truth at once, without anesthesia “I’m kind of dating Max” You confessed with a sigh before clarifying “Max Verstappen”

Your father stared at you for a minute, which made you wonder if he had even heard you because he didn’t even blink at you “For how long?”

“For a few weeks now” You bit your lower lip

“Is it serious?”

“Yes, well, I hope it’s” You wanted to be as honest as possible with your father so that he wouldn’t believe that you simply had a crush on Max.

Your father just stared at you. He didn’t say a word. You opened your mouth to ask if he was okay before he jumped up and walked past you to leave the office.

“Dad?” You asked, walking next to him. Your father didn’t answer you, he just kept walking out of the Mercedes garage. “Dad?” You repeated a little more anxiously when you followed him into the Red Bull garage. The garage was half empty except for some engineers and Christian who seemed to review some papers.

Horner looked up when he saw your father walk past him without even acknowledging him. “Toto what-“

“Not now, Christian,” your father replied curtly. You gave Christian an apologetic smile before following your father down the hallway to the garage.

You let out a groan when he watched as he yanked open the door to Max’s driver’s room. Shit. You got to him and saw that Max was putting on his shirt with your father staring at him.

“Dad,” you called him, standing between him and Max to get into your father’s field of vision. Max reached out his hand to take one of your hands in his.

He ignored you “This is what we are gonna do, you are coming to my house when we return to Monaco and we are having dinner properly, with you as my daughter’s boyfriend because I hope you are decent enough to make her your girlfriend, are we clear?” Your father hadn’t even looked at you. He was staring at Max, who could only nod.

“Yes sir”

Your father rolled his eyes, although you could see a small twinkle in his eyes. He was enjoying having Max at his mercy “Now take your dirty hands out of my daughter,” He added without waiting for an answer before leaving Max’s driver’s room.

You giggled as your father left before turning to Max “I never thought I’d live to see you call my dad ‘sir’”

“Oh, shut up,” He replied rolling his eyes before pulling you in for a kiss. You were going to make it work. This time, everything was going to be different.

[pearlmagick]

IRON BONDS II

pairing : harry potter x reader

synopsis : harry discovers your secret and helps you gain some confidence while also discovering his own boldness.

warnings : mentions of blood , drinking blood

notes : just to clarify, pale does not mean light skin only in this fic !! the word in context is meant be portrayed as your skin tone just without blood.

Over the months, Harry carefully analysed your every move like a secret, obsessive hobby. Could he have simply asked you what had troubled you? Of course, he could, but he had a feeling you would let yourself wallow in your stress by yourself, a feeling he had experience with.

He noted your weariness during the day and the nearly unnoticeable shake of your fingers as you drank your regular “cranberry juice” every dinner. “It’s good for the immune system.” you’d always say when Ron questioned why you drank the tangy liquid so frequently. Your answer sounded almost rehearsed to the trained ears of Harry Potter, who knew the timbre of your voice when you usually chattered about things that interested you.

One night, he strolled the grounds, rubbing the bandages wrapped around his bleeding hand. The consequences of disobeying Umbridge left bloody splotches seeping through the white. His own issues were put behind him when he saw you sitting next to the lake.

Your skin was paled, as though all the warmth in you had chilled. Your eyes seemed brighter under the moonlight and the way your hair contrasted with your skin seemed supernatural.

“Y/N?’ Harry called out. Your hair whipped in the wind as you turned towards him. You, in all your horrific glory, were fully on display to the single person that you wished would never catch you.

Harry’s hand reached out for yours and he felt the cold jolt his system but still held on. His eyebrows cinched closer together, asking the question unspoken. “Summer before fourth year, remember when I couldn’t go to the World Cup with you and the Weasleys?” Harry nodded. “I couldn’t go with you because… because a vampire attacked me. My parents fought back so he didn’t kill me and I just became this. I became a monster. I’ve tried hiding it with charms and potions, changing my teeth and making my skin look normal but it wears off and there’s no cure.” You turned to the moonlight, your eyes glowing from the tears rather than the golden-red halo around your pupils. “I wish he just finished me off that night.”

Your confession felt like another weight had sat on your chest; the weight was lifted almost immediately when Harry pulled you towards him, the warm scents of his freshly laundered shirt and wood enveloped you as his embrace pulled you into a new, more comfortable trance. “I understand why you didn’t tell me but I would never leave you. You’re my best friend, Y/N. I promise I’m not scared. You’ve been trying to control all this by yourself so please, let me help you now.”

Your tears flowed more freely now that you had the assurance that Harry wasn’t going to run away from you; he was here to stay.

The two of you spent the night whispering about your bloody situation. “So, the cranberry juice?” You chuckled and dipped your fingers into the lake, racing to trace the ripples that formed. “Yeah, I couldn’t lie about it being pomegranate juice since I’ve already said I hate pomegranates, but it’s actually cow blood. I haven’t tried human blood before. I thought about it loads of times, but I get afraid that I can’t control myself once I start.”

Harry’s impulsive nature struck as he gave his wild suggestion, ‘I’ve got a pretty fresh wound that I haven't put in murtlap essence yet. Why not drink some of my blood?” If your body had any warmth, you would be burning from the bold yet casual tone in which he delivered his idea.

Unbeknownst to you, Harry’s every nerve prickled with nervousness. What if he was too bold? What if you shot down his idea? What if you didn’t feel as close to him as he does to you?

His last reflection was a new flavour in the soupy mess his thoughts were becoming by the second.

Before he could fully analyse every memory he had with you appearing at the forefront of his mind and how it made him feel, he was thrown off balance by your answer. “I could try.”

Harry saw your hesitation in your pursed lips as if the action would hold off your vampirism entirely. He took the initiative and unwrapped his bandage, bringing his still-bleeding hand close to your lips.

The smell of human blood was enticing and your eyes shifted to a deeper shade of red before you took the leap and drank the small drops of blood that seeped out steadily from the cuts. The metallic taste from Harry’s blood left sweet notes on your palette rather than the rusty cow’s blood you drank. In that moment, you could have drained the boy of all the blood in his body but you regained the restraint you had built over the months and let go of his hand. Harry couldn’t help but smile, “You see, I knew you could do it.” You smiled in return, your pearlescent fangs charming Harry the longer he took in your grin of pride.

The longer you sat there, enjoying each other’s company, the stronger Harry’s confidence was becoming. His boldness had already been a success once, there was a chance that maybe another stroke of impulsiveness would lead to something he didn’t realise he’d been waiting for.

“Y/N?” Harry asked. You hummed in response. “How do you feel about a date?”

[mdawgswizzleinthehizzle]

i’m doing a rewatch of the last of us hbo and i’m really realizing how cut and worn down joel gets in episode 6.

one thing right after the other happens to him and it’s honestly insane how long he kept his shit together, so i’m gonna spell it out…

and maybe those of y’all that call joel too emotional or soft in the show for having his breakdown can understand why…

within the first few minutes, joel is told by the couple in the cabin that there is a fairly good likelihood that his brother is dead. that alone would have sent me into a spiral and it does really impact joel like we haven’t seen before. after he and ellie leave the cabin, he has panic attack #1.

i’m gonna be a little transparent here and say this: i developed anxiety in 2020 that was debilitating for months and although i am in a much better place today, i’m still dealing with anxiety all the time. during the worst of it, i had panic attacks and while my trauma is nowhere near close to joel’s, i know how draining panic attacks are.

but anyways, he has his panic attack and moves on but for the remainder of the trip, until he is reunited with tommy, he is stuck with the thought that his brother may be dead. and all this time spent protecting him and then looking for him was in vain. he couldn’t save him in time. another failure.

between their reunion though, we see joel having nightmares. in the cave, after he falls asleep on watch, its very clear he wakes up from a nightmare. with the way he immediately searches for ellie upon waking, my guess is that his nightmare was about her.

then they are surrounded by jackson’s patrol. and joel has panic attack #2. once again, about ellie, fearing that she is about to be torn up by the dog, but his panic attack won’t allow him to do anything. he freezes.

there is a brief moment of happiness when he is reunited with tommy but it is quickly snuffed when he realizes tommy’s situation. tommy doesn’t need his help, he hasn’t this whole time, his brother has a wife and later finds out that he is expecting a baby. his brother has been living it up as best as someone can in the apocalypse and never radioed to joel ONCE to tell him he was okay.

at the table, when ellie, joel, tommy and maria are talking, maria very pointedly looks at joel when tommy says “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” and maria says “not always, at least”. maria already doesn’t like him because apparently tommy has talked something bad about him. his own brother.

then he has a talk with tommy in the bar. its clear that his trust in tommy is shaky by this point because he lies to tommy about tess and ellie. then he has his fight with him and when he walks out of the bar, he has panic attack #3. let’s add insult to injury because then he sees someone who resembles sarah, his dead daughter. not only that but the lady has a kid of her own, something to resemble what joel never got: grandchildren.

then he finally has his breakdown. another little insult to injury, tommy gives him brand new boots since he noticed joel was trying to fix his old ones. another reminder that tommy is well off. the things he confesses to tommy are absolutely heartbreaking and its insane that he has been able to keep it all in to that point.

he is then faced with the choice of giving ellie over to tommy because while ellie feels less afraid with joel, joel feels more afraid with her.

then he has his fight with ellie where ellie uses his daughter against him (and i understand her desperation, i do). that was a really rough fight and once joel is alone in his room, we can see him shed another tear thinking of sarah.

the next day comes, and joel goes back on his choice and takes ellie. he has to say goodbye to his brother again but at least for a while after that, joel gets a break. he has fun and bonds with ellie on their trip.

… until he gets stabbed at the end of the episode.

so… to anyone that says joel is too soft in the show or too emotional, let’s remember that he is human. game joel is humanized too but its also a game. for the show, they had to really humanize joel which means that he is going to be much more mentally affected than game joel is throughout the story. panic attacks and crying are not soft or emotional, they aren’t weak, this man has been through hell and its a wonder he has made it this far. we only see three panic attacks but if they are that frequent, i can guarantee he has had more that we don’t see.

episode 6 really bashes him, its no wonder he broke down to tommy. pedro did an amazing job. he’s got me cryin’ everytime i watch it.