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#i say as if i haven’t been posting everything for the last like 10+ years of my life
chronic-escapist · 5 months
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soo one of my dog’s has a growth on her. she has to have surgery to remove it and get desexed (the growth is hormone related or smthn and they rarely see those types of growths in desexed dogs, was vet’s recommendation) but going under anaesthesia is risky coz she's 13 and she's so little but she went under anaesthesia a few years ago and she was okay. that type of growth is usually benign but there’s like a 20% chance or smthn that it could be cancerous so um yeah i don’t even know why im fucking talking about this on here but whatever. i’ve grown up yapping on the internet, who needs boundaries when you could put your entire diary on tumblr dot com. for a ‘quiet kid’ i really never do shut the fuck up, anywayyy
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matryosika · 8 months
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Attraction, obsession, infatuation
Pairing — Hyunjin and fem!reader Wordcount — 7,680 words Includes — Explicit sexual content. Alcohol consumption, mentions of jealousy and possessiveness. Smut warnings under the cut. Summary — It is easier to hate than to admit loving. Alternatively, where Hyunjin realizes he might be tired of pretending he doesn't want to be more than just your toy. Author's Note — First 2024 full story! One of my New Year's resolutions was to keep on writing, since the last two years have been a bit too rough with my creativity and, overall, life. I hope I can continue posting stuff this year, but I literally can't ignore the fact that I am graduating college this June and that the adult life is, inevitably, catching up to me. Still, writing is something I love so I am determined to take this hobby very seriously, since it's one of the few things I enjoy! I hope you like this, please remember that english is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes in advanced. If you wish to support my work, please leave a comment, reblog or ask 💌 Post divider by @/cafekitsune
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Smut Warnings — Dirty talk, (very) mild humiliation, oral sex (m. receiving), face fucking and deep throating, voyeurism, female (solo) masturbation), unprotected sex, penetrative sex, marking (and mentions of pain), dacryphilia, creampie.
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Humiliating.
There is no other way to describe the situation that perfectly.
[21:19 p.m., Hyunjin: Seems like you got yourself a new toy]
[21:19 p.m., Hyunjin: You don’t want to play with me anymore?]
[21:20 p.m., Hyunjin: I mean, we both know why you agreed to come here in the first place. It's not like you're the best of friends with any of my roommates, anyways.]
You hate how right he always is —how shamelessly he speaks, how pridefully he carries that ego of him. 
People say there is a thin line between hatred and love, but they never talk about how tempting it is to walk on it. Especially because said line doesn't involve any of the former—if anything, that line represents all the carnal pleasures. 
Pure lust.
[21:21 p.m., You: Please]
[21:21 p.m., You: You’re so full of yourself, you know that?]
Hyunjin rolls his eyes right in front of you, tongue poking through his cheek while he reads your messages.
[21:22 p.m., Hyunjin: That never seems to be a problem when you're in my bed]
It's a never ending bickering. A never ending teasing. 
Hyunjin has always loved the thrill of doing things he isn't supposed to —no wonder why he ended up fucking you, out of all the women he knows. 
Attraction, obsession, infatuation. 
No amount of words could describe what happens between the two of you.
[21:23 p.m., You: I’m busy, in case you haven’t tell]
His cheeks grow hotter, killer eyes darting between you and the man you're talking to; appearing all sweet, gentle, collected, and everything you're not when you are with him. Your hand lays peacefully over your companion’s thigh, playfully hitting it when he says something remotely funny. 
Your smile hasn't worn off since you entered the party, and Hyunjin genuinely wonders if you’re that happy and comfortable to be around any other man. Inevitably, he begins to wonder if you'd let him touch you like he does, kiss you like he has. He stares at you two for a little too long, and questions if you'd let that man do everything Hyunjin is entitled to do with you. 
Would you let him treat you like he can? Let him fuck you like he does?
He chugs down the alcohol from his cup and uses that as an excuse to calm his masochistic urges, walking away from the scene he has been staring at for almost 10 minutes now. 
It's like pouring lime over a wound, like pulling out a loose tooth. It hurts, but it makes him feel something.
“If you didn't hate her I would say you're totally drooling over her,” a black-haired man that smiles teasingly with his eyes is quick to ambush Hyunjin as he makes his way to the kitchen. 
“What? Did your date get tired of you too early tonight?”
Changbin’s tongue pokes his cheek, and he can’t help but smile at Hyunjin’s moodiness. “She went to the bathroom, I just came here for some drinks”. 
“Well, get to it,” Hyunjin commands, stretching his shoulders in an attempt to release all the build-up tension over them.
“Man, you've been acting so out of your element lately,” Changbin remarks, placing a bottle of vodka and another of pineapple juice aside with two red solo cups. “You’re always in a fucking mood, this is actually the first time I see you outside your bedroom in like... a while”. 
Hyunjin won't admit it, but he is sulking. 
Because of college, because of work, because of things he can't begin to fix and because of you.
“Just busy, I guess,” he shrugs his shoulders. “Sorry I can't spend all day sticking my dick in different holes and doing an 8-hour shift at the gym”. 
Changbin scoffs bitterly under his breath, nose flaring at his friend's harshness. “Maybe that's exactly what you need,” he nods, pouring a drink for himself and his date, “a good fuck”.
He rolls his eyes. 
Yeah, maybe he needs that, but he also needs for you to stop touching your date's thigh, laughing amusingly loudly like you want him to hear how much of a great time you're having. Maybe Hyunjin needs to relieve all his anger on you, or he just needs for you to spare him a fucking glance because you haven't even looked at him since you walked in.
“Yeah,” he finally exhales, stealing the vodka bottle from Changbin’s grip to pour some onto his cup. He chugs it down quickly, and clears his throat when he feels the liquid burning inside, “that’s what I need”. 
Changbin pats his right shoulder and abandons the kitchen when he spots his date closing the bathroom door behind her. And Hyunjin is left alone once again, wondering if it's time to ditch the party and lock himself inside his room or if he should hurt himself a bit more to get a grip on reality.
Inconveniently, he chooses the latter. Resting his hips against the kitchen counter, and turning his back on the full view of the living room, Hyunjin begins to thread a line of questions that may never have a proper answer. 
Had he met you in another context, and in a distinct light, would things be different? Would your dynamic be different?
Maybe he would've apologized when he had time, for all the useless bickering that always took place between the two along the friend group. Had he surrendered to your stubbornness, rather than putting up a fight like it's typical from him, would the anguish be less?
Now that he reflects on it, Hyunjin can't even tell why you two hate each other these days. He never questioned it, the hatred you felt for each other, but he no longer knows why it's still there. Maybe it was a first impression, maybe it was a dumb comment or joke he cracked when you were introduced to the friend group. Maybe it was the fact that you two are so alike, personality wise, that you never seemed to get on.
Maybe you keep on hating each other because that's how it always has been, because there hasn't been a room to question the "what if's". 
Or maybe you hate him just for being him, and the only thing you've come to mend with is the fact that he is nothing more than a good fuck.
His heart aches because of this last thought, and he stares at his phone screen for a bit too long, hoping to get a text from you. But you're busy, you said it yourself, and he is just feeling out of place. 
“Hey,” the familiar voice it's enough for him to lift up his eyes from his phone, encountering a sheepishly grinning, red-eyed Jisung. “Changbin told me you’re in a mood, again”.
“He should put his mouth to good use,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes. 
“He is worried about you though,” his friend says. “We all are, you know”. 
Hyunjin sighs, “I’m fine”. 
“Dude, come on,” Jisung drags his words lazily. “It’s about her, right?”
He shoots a killer gaze at him, “about who?”
If Jisung hadn't been higher than the fucking Empire State, he would've considered Hyunjin’s gaze a threat. But his mind is not precisely paying attention to any social cues, so he proceeds to say your name as a response. 
"You should stop smoking that shit ever so often, you know?" he spits in annoyance, "it's making you delusional".
“Yeah, right man,” Jisung nods. “And you can keep being angry with the world just because you can't be angry with her”. 
It disgusts Hyunjin how poetic that sounds, but his friend isn't too far from the truth —he would much rather project his anger and annoyance onto everyone else before you.
Because if you call, if you look for him, if you text him and ask him to see you, he will always be available. Even when he is not. Even when he has a ton shit to do. Even if all you want is his dick and a couple of dirty words. 
Every time you ask, Hyunjin will give you anything you want.
“We don't have to talk about her though. Just wanted to check up on you,” his friend continues after an excruciatingly long silence, patting one of his shoulders like Changbin did before. 
“There’s nothing to talk about, anyways,” Hyunjin says.
“Are you on, like, bad terms?” 
“We’re not on any terms,” again, the urge to deny everything. It's always easier to pretend nothing it's going on than admitting there's a huge fucking elephant in the room. “We fuck, occasionally, and that's it. Not friendship, not intimacy, not trivial conversations about each other's days”. 
“Well, that's some sort of the ideal to a fuck buddy relationship,” Jisung tilts his head. “It’s supposed to work”. 
It should. 
And it did, for a while —when the feelings were minimum and could be repressed, when the anger only translated to hatred and annoyance, and not jealousy and possessiveness.
These days, it's just not enough.
“Yeah well,” Hyunjin scoffs bitterly, holding the almost empty bottle of alcohol to his lips. 
Thank God he isn't a light weight, because he would've been screwed by now. Vodka isn't his greatest match, but neither are you and he knows he has to sacrifice something tonight —whether it’s his rationality or his heart. 
“Alright,” he finally exhales, pushing the empty bottle away from the edge of the counter. “I’m going back to my room”.
"Already?"
“That's the beauty of people using your apartment to host a fucking party, I guess,” Hyunjin says, leaning down to one of the kitchen pantries to grab his favorite bottle of wine. “You can just walk a minute and be in the comfort of your own bed”. 
“Haven’t you drunk too much?” Jisung asks. 
“Definitely not enough,” the dark-haired replies, grabbing both the bottle and a glass with one of his hands. “Tell Jeongin to kick everyone out by 2, I’m not paying for another noise complaint again”. 
And as he makes his way to his room, it's inevitable for Hyunjin not to spare a glance at the couch you were once sitting on. But his eyes meet Changbin and his date instead, without any trace of you or the man you were with. And he doesn't know if he should feel relieved or worried because you're no longer in his eyesight, and as comforting as that thought should be is nothing more than anguish-inducing.
He says goodbye to some of his friends, and also deals with Changbin’s insistence to stay around before he is able to lock himself inside his room. It was, at best, a 3 minute situation from the kitchen to his bed, but it felt like ages. Mostly because his eyes kept on scanning the whole apartment, hoping to find something that could tell him you're still there and you didn't leave the party with that man although you probably did. 
Much to his surprise, when he opens the door to his room, he finds you sitting at the edge of his bed.
You don't say anything, and neither does he. So you two stare at each other for a while before Hyunjin closes the door right behind him, leaving the wine and glass on a small table by the door.
“Wine? At a college party?” You finally interrupt the silence, using that playful, teasing tone you always use when you want to get on his nerves. “You really are something else”. 
Typical Hyunjin would think of a comeback rather quicker than the speed of light —he has always been witty and good with his words, and that's something you find utterly, despicably attractive in him. 
But after 4 shots of vodka and an unamusing mood, all he wants it’s to kick you out and plop down onto his bed. 
“Weren’t you busy?” he asks in a murmur, too lazy to make himself be heard. But it is loud and clear for you to hear, even with the bustling coming from down the hall.
“He bored me,” you admit. “Kept talking about his football team, and how he is going to work at his father's company once he graduates”. 
Hyunjin lets out a bitter and quiet scoff, giving you his back while he pours some wine onto his glass. You can’t fool him, even if you try like right now.
But he attempts to ignore his rapid heartbeats by keeping a nonchalant, even annoyed countenance, albeit a part of him can't ignore the fact that you're in his room. 
Just you and him, finally.
“Are you going back to the party or…”
“I’m tired,” he cuts you short, chugging down the wine like it's a shot of anything else. Can't care less about etiquette when all he wants is to lose his sobriety along with his rationality. “I want to sleep”. 
“It’s 10:30,” you tease him, cocking one of your eyebrows and giving him that look that always makes him feel ridiculous.
On any other day, that would've been fuel to erase that smile off of your face by pushing it onto the pillows while he fucks you from behind.
Tonight, though, it just blatantly stings. 
“So?” The coldness in his voice makes you shudder, and when he doesn't respond like he usually does it's when you realize there's something different going on.
You and Hyunjin don't share that kind of intimacy. You don't tell him your problems, and he doesn't tell you his problems either. You don't comfort each other through words or romantic touches. You don't give words of encouragement and you don't talk things through.
If there's something to say, you do so through sex. 
But right now, that you've interrupted his night, you feel somewhat compromised to ask if he is alright.
“Bad day?”
Bad week, bad month, bad year, a bad fucking life.
“Don’t have to act like you care,” Hyunjin says, resting his hips against the furniture while he pours himself another glass of wine.
The comment catches you off-guard. First and foremost, because you're not quite sure you don't care about him at all. And second, because he is making it seem like you are the reason behind his bad mood.
But if he doesn’t want to talk, you’re not going to force him to. After all, you’re in his room for one reason, and one reason only. 
“Shit, sorry for asking,” you murmur, gripping the edge of the bed sheets with both of your hands. It's a common ground you've walked in, thousands of times. You've been in his bed for far more times than you can remember, and you've fucked a lot more than you can count. So you're not afraid of asking the question: maybe you should release some stress?
Hyunjin knows what you mean. He knows the sexual connotations of it, and knows that’s exactly the reason why you're in his room. 
On any other day, Hyunjin would've taken your word. But right now, when his eyes can only focus on the crimson bruise on your neck, the proposition enrages him.
He walks towards you, completely towering over your figure. One hand holds the glass of wine, while the other cups your face and maneuvers it harshly, leaving the hickey for him to see. 
“He bored you?” The way he spits such a question makes your heart skip a beat. Don’t leave a rough mark, you told the guy, just a faint hickey. Of course he wouldn’t care, and neither did you —otherwise you would’ve checked yourself in the mirror before approaching Hyunjin wearing someone else’s lovebites, “or he just wasn't the one you wanted to fuck tonight?”
You move your head away from his touch with a swift movement, immediately missing the warmth of his skin against yours, "does that even make a difference?"
But it doesn't.
In the end, you only look for him because you want a good fuck and it seemed like your date just couldn't get the job done.
Not because you want him, particularly. 
“No,” Hyunjin replies coldly. “But you should at least have some decency, you know?”
You know he isn't teasing you, like he always does. He is not saying all this to get a reaction from you, and that unsettles you.
He is acting and saying such things because he means them. Because he feels like them.
“Since when do you care about what I do or I don't?” you ask him, the tone in your voice increasing as Hyunjin’s gaze intensifies.
“You can do whoever the fuck you want,” he murmurs, uncrossing his arms to grip at the edge of the furniture behind him.
“Well, I want to do you”. 
“Maybe tonight I don’t,” Hyunjin gulps down the wine, having a way harder time swallowing the euphoric sensation of his ego rather than the alcohol coming down his throat.
 And you stare at him like he just said something controversial. Something weird, something unusual coming from him.
“You’re lying,” you say, darting him a challenging look. “You always want me”. 
“Why would I want something that everyone can have?” 
It’s his anger talking. His rage, his uncertainty, his jealousy. 
You're not wrong. He wants you, he always has and most likely always will. 
But he is too proud to admit it, both to you and himself. Especially after you’ve walked into his room with the ghost of another man’s hands and lips, wearing a mark on your skin that will never compare to how Hyunjin has been allowed to mark you.
“So that’s the issue?” you defy him, standing up from the edge of his bed to walk forward. “You’re acting like this just because I was with someone else?”
Your mocking tone makes it seem like it's something ridiculous and irrational, but you've aced your initial hypothesis.
You are the reason behind his bad mood.
“Just get out,” Hyunjin says, tense jaw and cold eyes locked into yours. “You're getting on my nerves”. 
Your tongue pokes through your cheek and you look at him in disbelief —you feel taken aback because of how he is acting, and you want to blame it on the alcohol he has ingested throughout the night. But he looks sober, and way more serious than his immature facade has ever made him appear.
“If I wanted to be with someone else tonight, I would’ve left your apartment a fucking hour ago,” the boldness in your voice only challenges Hyunjin to this staring contest he didn't know he is playing. Without blinking, without parting his gaze away, all his undivided attention is on you, and the way you're spitting your words like you're truly the one with a reason to be angry. 
Needless to say, your audacity only infuriates him further.
“If you wanted to be with me, you would’ve come into my room the second you step a foot into the apartment,” he shoots back, straightening his body against the furniture and causing it to move an inch closer to you, “I mean, you know the way well, don’t you?” 
He raises one of his eyebrows, and it’s embarrassing. 
Pathetically embarrassing. 
Stupidly idiotic.
“You've crawled on all fours from the door to my room before,” Hyunjin continues, tilting his head while his gaze falls from your eyes to your parted lips, “I'm sure that was enough for you to remember the path fairly well”. 
It was one time, you say to yourself. And you'd rather die than having to admit such a humiliating thing to anyone other than him. 
You'd rather die than having everyone know what you allow Hyunjin to do to you. You'd rather disappear into thin air than having to deal with the judgemental gazes from all of your friends.
The Hwang Hyunjin? The one you say you can't stand? The one that gets on your nerves because of how childish he is? The one you tell your friends you'd turn down a thousand times even if he was the last man standing on earth?
“Go fuck yourself, Hwang,” you're so close to him you can practically taste the red wine off of his lips. You're breathing the same air, hearts beating at the same rate.
You want him worse than you wanted him before —you like the feeling of his jealousy and his possessiveness. You like it when his hatred towards you transforms into hatred to anyone who dares to touch you; no one is allowed to have you like he is entitled to, and no one is allowed to hate you the way he does.
So he leaves the empty glass of wine behind, and guides one of his hands to your heated cheeks. He caresses it, pushing away the hairs from your face —the intimate touch might feel out of place and context, but you know damn well it's nothing more than the calm before the storm. 
A calling.
A warning.
You know Hyunjin more than you'd ever want to admit, and you crave him worse than you'd ever allow yourself to think.
"God fucked you up by giving you this shitty ego,” he murmurs, brushing his lips ever so slightly against yours. It seems as if Hyunjin walked right into your trap without knowing, blinded by instincts and completely ignoring the awful show you put up earlier with a man you don't even know his name, “and he fucked me up even more for making me like it”. 
It all happens in a fraction of second, too fast for you to catch some air and too sloppy for you to get the kiss right.
You're tasting the red wine, and his rage, and the longing lust you are always demanding from him whenever your body is against his. He kisses you ardently, teasing your tongue and biting your lower lip trying to fill you up just with him —to get rid of whoever kissed you first that night, and to intoxicate you with all of him for whoever will kiss you next.
One of his hands wraps around your figure, pressing you tighter against him, while the other swims through the roots of your hair, already in position to manhandle you like he knows he can.
The way he knows you want him to.
And you don't stop him when you feel the sting in your scalp, forcing you to break the kiss and down to your knees right in front of him in a careless way that will probably leave bruises.
“Said you wanted to do me?” Hyunjin asks, unzipping his pants with his available hand while the other holds your head still, despite your efforts to wipe away the drool from your lips and the hair sticking to your cheeks with his spit. “I’m right fucking here, do me”. 
You look at him with loathing but it is nothing more than a projection: you hate yourself for how much you needed this. 
For how much you need him.
“Don’t give me those eyes,” he falsely pouts, but the sound gets drowned in a grunt when he wraps his hand around his dick to stroke it a few times before guiding your mouth to the tip of it, “you want this”. 
His gaze finds yours in the midst of the struggle, and the only way you can think of letting him know you're consenting to this is by sticking your tongue out and licking the tip of his cock, collecting all his salty precum and tasting it like you've been starving for it.
At the sight, Hyunjin chuckles lowly. Still as cold, still as enraged.
“Did you suck him off too?” he asks, using the grip on your hair as his favor —with ease, he slams his hips against your mouth, letting the tip of his cock reach parts of your throat that are still tense. “Does he taste as good as I do?”
Hyunjin doesn't need to know that you planned this all along —that you purposely did everything to get him jealous. He doesn't need to know that you like the thrill of it, of watching his possessive and jealous side.
He doesn't need to know that you utterly adore when he fucks you like he actually hates you. Like you mean nothing and everything to him at the same time.
Hyunjin doesn't need to know a lot of things, so you tag along with the fantasy of everything you've yet to deny.
“Relax,” more than a soothing word, it’s an order. He maneuvers your head all along his length, applying more pressure when your nose hits his pubic bone and then forcing you away to let you breathe. “You’ve taken this cock before, you know exactly how to do it”. 
You try to regain control of your body, and your rationality, but it seems a rather useless task —when you're with Hyunjin, he is the one that does the thinking for you. When you're with him, you can't think of anything else but him, his voice, his eyes, the way he touches and kisses you, the way he tastes and the way he feels inside you.
“Too big,” you gasp in between thrusts of his hips against your lips. Your hand flies to reach the base of his cock, but he is quick to force you backwards with the grip on your hair.
“Do not touch me”.
“Hyun-”
“I said, do not touch me,” he repeats when you try to touch him again. “Do you really think you can go around touching other men and I won't do anything about it?”
Hyunjin wishes he wasn’t as prideful as he is —if he could swallow his ego easily, he could have your hands all over his body by now. But he is proud, and vengeful, and stubborn. No matter how much his skin is burning to feel the softness of yours against it, he needs to make his point.
“You’re- you can’t be serious,” you struggle between moans, with a voice so hoarse it's barely audible. 
“There’s the door,” he forces your head towards it, “you can leave if you don’t like it”. 
Your doe eyes, filled with anger and defy, dart between him and the door. Hyunjin is always the one in control, you're not really unfamiliar with that —the fact that he is acting like this, offering you a way out if you’re not willing to do things his way, makes you feel uneasy and curious.
You choose to stay only for the latter. Not because of anything else, right?
Right?
You don’t say anything, but fix your gaze on the man in front of you. 
And Hyunjin gets it, he gets the look you're giving him. That, paired with the fact that you're not doing anything to get away from his grip, tells him that you're more than willing to keep on going, so he continues manhandling you around.
“C’mere,” he mutters when guiding your head along his cock again, making you swallow him full without giving you any kind of warning whatsoever, “just like that”. 
You're gagging, and tearing up, and clearly struggling to take all of his cock. But never have you felt this hungry, and never have you felt this emptiness between your legs that only Hyunjin seems to be able to fill.
Your hands ache for his flesh, and so desperately you want to sink them on his thighs or ass; intertwine them with his, latch your fingers against his and squeeze them while you prove to him that he's the only one that gets to fuck your mouth like this. 
“Please,” you cry out when he gives you a break to catch some air, “I need- let me touch you, please”. 
"Should've thought of it before putting your hands on someone else," he hissed, brushing your hair wet with drool and tears away from your face. “Should’ve thought about me before running to another man”. 
“Hyunjin”.
Oh, how pretty his name sounds falling from your lips —especially when accompanied with sobs and whimpers. You're always so cool and collected, like you control everything and everyone around you. You never cry, never show anyone else a crevice of what you truly are, but he is the only one that gets to see you like this. The only one you really trust, the only one you give control to.
If you hate him that much, why do you always come crawling back to him?
If you hate him that much, why is he the only one that gets to use you like this?
And if you hate him that much, why can't Hyunjin forget what he truly feels about you?
“What?”
“I’m sorry,” you murmur, cleaning your mouth and chin with the back of your hand. “I’m fucking sorry, okay? I’m sorry”. 
“For what exactly?” He is so close to you, you can feel the tip of his nose brushing against yours and get drunk on the wine that lingers in his breath. He is so close to you, he almost can't resist the urge of crashing his lips against yours again and taste himself off of you. 
“I don’t know,” you look at him with teary eyes. You feel like crying, and Hyunjin can tell. “I don’t know, it’s just- I’m sorry, okay? If that’s what you want to hear, then I’m sorry”. 
His eyebrows furrow.
“That doesn’t mean anything,” he says. “Your apologies mean nothing to me”. 
Your heart stings, and it is unusual. He is unusual, painfully real unlike all the times you've pretended to hate each other just for the dynamic.
Blame it on the alcohol, or the stress he has been feeling lately, or the fact that you've been nothing but a brat these days, but Hyunjin is angry. And hurt.
“Your actions, on the other hand,” it's all he tells you with his bright eyes boring into yours. “I want you to show me how sorry you truly are”. 
“Wha-”
He maneuvers you from the floor to his bed, forcing you on your back against the sheets you've grown to know fairly well. Your body writhes under him, and you fight back the urges to wrap your arms around his neck and force his body close to yours. 
“How- am I supposed to show you?” you ask in between the struggle, moving your body to Hyunjin’s will. With your help, he unbuttons your jeans and scatters them along the floor, just like your blouse and underwear.
He lets out a soft scoff, blowing air through his nose, amused. "As if you don't know me that well".
And because you know him well, you can't avoid the eerie feeling of fear that settles up in the deepest pits of your chest when his cold gaze makes contact with yours.
“What are you going to do to me?” You ask, with your heart ringing loudly in your ears.
“You should be asking what you're going to do for me, instead,” he murmurs, caressing the sides of your body with a creepy delicacy that doesn't match his demeanor at all. "Don't you want to be forgiven?" It's a rhetorical question, you know that much. And you do want to be forgiven, but you're not quite sure what twisted idea Hyunjin has of an apology. 
So you stay quiet, and hope for the best.
“You said you wanted me, right?” He asks yet again, fixing his eyes on yours. You just nod. “Cat got your tongue?”
“Yes,” you rush to say, “yes, I said I want you”. 
“How bad?”
The endless teasing is making you frustrated, but you're used to that. However, you're not used to feeling tears prickling at the corners of your eyes with each second that passes by.
You need him desperately. You need his kiss, and tongue, and hands on every part of your body that you'd never allow anyone else to touch.
No matter how much you say you dislike Hyunjin.
“So fucking bad,” you cry out, kicking you head back against the pillow.
Hyunjin hums, peppering wet and sloppy kisses over your tummy and inner thighs. You feel his breath so close to your wet center that you can only hope he gives you the attention you need. 
But that is not going to happen any time soon, and you know that.
“Fuck yourself,” he commands you, kneeling between your spread legs on top of his bed, “prove to me that you want me”.
You know the catch, know why Hyunjin is asking you such a thing.
He never does, unless he wants to punish you. And albeit not a rough punishment, there's nothing sweeter than watching you fall apart in frustration, to watch you deny yourself because he said so, to see you squirming in pain because you overstimulated yourself.
But then again, you'd do anything he says, just to be one step closer to him.
So you comply, with your index and middle finger shaking in anticipation as they make contact with your folds. Slowly but surely, you start fulfilling his demand —bitterly, with a look of disdain. 
One of his hands spread your legs further, and he stays kneeling between your thighs as he watches you. 
Impatient, eager, angry.
“I don’t have all day,” he finally snaps after a good 30 seconds of you just timidly teasing yourself. You can’t admit it out loud, but it is embarrassing —to have his eyes all over you but not his hands, to have your legs spread for someone who has no interest in touching you.
It's also embarrassing how wet you are by all of this. By his attitude, his anger and his jealousy.
“Sorry,” you barely mumble, sinking two fingers inside your throbbing pussy. 
You feel nothing. Not pain, nor pleasure. Just nothing.
“One more,” Hyunjin tells you and you comply. But after getting used to him and his size, nothing fills you up anymore. 
“You don’t- you don’t expect me to come just by this, do you?” You ask with a nervous scoff, biting down on your lower lip as you pull your fingers out just to thrust them inside again.
Hyunjin doesn't answer, and that only fuels your anguish even more. Instead, he fixes his eyes on your fingers, and the way they glisten with your wetness. He focuses on the sounds they make, and how warm you must feel after all the teasing.
You let out a whine, but it is not out of pleasure. It's a frustrated whine, a desperate one. You kick your head back, and fuck yourself harder with your fingers.
All your efforts are pointless.
“Don’t you dare,” Hyunjin warns you when your other hand slips to touch your clit. 
“I- I can’t just come with this,” you groan.
“How is that my problem?” 
It is humiliating —the way he is looking down on you, the way he is clearly amused by how stupid you must look right now touching yourself without feeling anything.
“Keep on going,” he tells you, licking his lips, “you won’t stop until you come”.
You shake your head and kick it against his pillow, trying to go impossibly deeper in hopes of finding that spot inside of you that only Hyunjin seems to know well.
Again, pointless.
“Come on,” you whine, now really on the brink of tears, “don’t do this to me”. 
“You did this to yourself,” he simply says, and his digits graze against your naked legs. 
The stimulation on your flesh is enough for you to clench around your fingers, and Hyunjin lets out a twisted smile when he sees the goosebumps flowering.
“Hyunjin”. 
“Can’t come by yourself?” He asks with a fake empathy, “you need me for that, right?”
You know where this is heading, and you’re willingly letting him lead you that way —you nod, swallowing thickly. 
“Yes,” you admit, hoping such a confession is enough to do something. Anything.
“Am I the only one who can make you come?”
“Yes, Hyunjin,” there's an inner conflict between your lust and your ego —you wish to fight back, but your mind is already surrendering. Your answer isn't far from the truth anyways, so why is it so difficult to admit it out loud? “Yes, you’re the only one”. 
“That’s what I thought,” he whispers quietly, dragging the tip of his digits along your spread thighs.
You’re aroused and whriting in anticipation, You’re aroused and trembling in anticipation, your whole body is ready for him, anything he wants to give you, and he can tell.
That's probably the worst part of it all —your mouth can always voice how much you hate him, but your body will keep on betraying you every time.
“I can’t,” you murmur, relentlessly trying to get yourself to your high, “I can't do this on my own anymore, you're the only one who can”. 
It's embarrassing to admit such a thing, both to him and yourself —it's not like you're saying so just to get what you want.
You're saying so because it's the truth, because not even you nor your toys can get you to come like Hyunjin does. 
“Remember that every time you even think about being with someone else,” Hyunjin’s body hovers over you, fitting perfectly between your open legs. “No one is going to make you feel like I can”. 
You drown a moan when you feel his clothed erection pressing against your folds. The fabric of his pants is rough, but your body unconsciously grinds on it.
“Just fuck me, Hyunjin,” you beg, wrapping your legs around his hips and feeling his warmth spreading from your chest to your limbs, “please, please, please”.
He needs you just as much.
And his intention was never to deny you, but to remind you that you belong to him. Whether you want to admit it or not, whether you even know it —your body responds to Hyunjin, and Hyunjin only. 
“Patience is a virtue, you know?” He scoffs, sneaking a hand between your bodies to slide the tip of his dick against your folds, “I spent all night looking how someone else got his hands all over you”.
You tremble underneath him, begging for anything he might want to give you. 
“It wasn’t a pretty sight, you know?” Hyunjin continues, “it kills me that no one knows you're mine”. 
Your heart skips a beat at his rageful words, as you breathe the same oxygen that leaves his lungs. 
“Hyunjin”. 
“I hate the fact that I just can’t kiss you when I feel like it,” he presses his forehead against yours, taunting your lips with his. “Can’t even fuck you when I want, without caring if someone hears or not”. 
There's a pinch of frustration and despair in his voice. Like he is asking you to read between the lines, to give some sense to his words.
“We hate each other, don’t we?” You remind him, digging your nails in the flesh of the sides of his body.
“Do you really think this is hate?” He asks, and presses his hips against yours. You feel his hardened length getting coated with your wetness, and you can’t help but moan. 
“Everybody thinks we can’t stand each other,” you wrap your legs around his hips, forcing him to make a move. And as if on cue, he gets what you’re demanding —he slides the tip of his dick in, so easily that it's hard to believe your body wasn't perfectly made for him.
“But no one knows what we do behind their backs, do they?” He asks, grunting quietly when he finally bottoms out, “they don’t know how good we fuck each other, how good we make us feel”. 
It's not the time to pause and reflect about the dynamic you've shared with Hyunjin over the past year. It's also not the time to think about what could happen if you were to reveal to your closest friends what you and Hyunjin have. 
It's exciting to keep things a secret, but you're not quite sure how long you can go without one of you getting tired of it.
It's not the time, and you don't dwell on it because you soon feel Hyunjin's hips slowly pulling and then bottoming out again. The sudden hit of his pubic bone against your swollen clit sends shivers down your spine, and you hug him tightly against you.
“Because you make me feel so good,” he murmurs, leaving a wet trail of kisses from your lips, to your chin and jaw, “so fucking good”. 
You clench around him at his words, and he lets out a raw moan. 
“You too,” you swallow thickly, “you too- make me feel so good”. 
“Just me?”
“Just you Hyunjin- fuck,” you bite down the flesh on his shoulders when his hips snap against yours, making your whole body jolt, “like that, fuck me like that”. 
With painfully slow but hard strokes, Hyunjin pounds his dick inside your wet pussy.
The lewd noises it makes, paired with his skin hitting yours, drowns his bedroom. They also drown the bustle behind the door, the faint voices of those who are still outside partying and drinking.
Those who don't know how much you love fucking Hyunjin, and how much he loves fucking you.
“I have to make sure it's only me who gets to have you like this,” and with that being said, he sinks his teeth and nibbles at the flesh where burgundy and purple bruises rest. 
You arch your back in pain, feeling your neck burning. He holds you in place as you writhe beneath him, placing all his weight over you to prevent you from squirming away from him.
“It’s just a little pain,” his soft voice coos, grabbing the sides of your neck with one of his hands while his lips attack the love bites made by someone else, “nothing compared to what you made me feel tonight”.
Your heart starts beating faster at his words.
“I’m sorry,” tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but you still let Hyunjin mark you. 
You want him to, anyway. No matter how painful it can be.
“I know you are,” he hums, satisfied with the way you’re clenching around him. 
He kisses your flesh softly, trying to soothe the pain away, and you move your hips, desperate to have him moving inside of you again.
He loses no time into it, holding his weight back off of you to continue on fucking you.
“You look so pretty now,” he twistedly smiles, with a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead and nose, “my lips and teeth look so good on you”. 
The minute he bites down his lower lip and his eyes go blank, you start feeling the tension building up inside your abdomen. You’re close, and you’re desperate to come.
“Hyunjin,” one of your hands holds his bicep, while the other makes a mess of the bed sheets beneath you.
“Not yet,” he warns you, and at that you let out a frustrated sound, “hold it a bit longer, come with me”. 
You close your eyes shut and kick your head back, hoping that if you don't look at him, you can prolong the time before you come. But he is fucking you so good, and his dick is hitting all the right spots inside of you, that you really don't think you can hold it as long as he wants you to.
“Please,” you cry out, this time tearing up. You can’t help it —the tears fall from your closed eyes without a warning. They stain your cheeks, and get lost in the crook of your neck that is still burning with Hyunjin’s love bites. 
“Open your eyes,” his hand cups your face, and you snap them open as a reflex, “let me see you crying”.
His words ignite a fire inside you, just as much as your tears do to him. His cock twitches at the sight of your clouded eyes and the way they beg for his release.
It’s the first time he sees you cry, 
and it shouldn't arouse him as much as it does. He knows what's behind those tears, and maybe that's the reason why he is enjoying them.
Frustration, rage, despair, attraction, obsession, infatuation.
He buries his nose on the flesh of your cheek and kisses your tears, one by one, as he continues pounding himself inside of you. 
“Can’t-” you murmur, digging your nails on his shoulders. Hyunjin hisses at that. “I can’t hold it”. 
“Give it to me,” he finally exhales, increasing the movements of his hips. And you comply —you give your orgasm to him, squeezing his cock almost aggressively. Your body trembles and he hugs it tightly, fucking you through your high as he comes with you.
“Fuck, Hyunjin,” at one point, your body goes limp —the pleasure becomes too strong that you melt into his arms. 
He moans your name, over and over again, until his voice becomes a whisper, and his hips relax into yours. His body rests on top of you, hugging you, pressing kisses to your forehead and temples while you wrap your arms around him. He doesn't pull out, and you don't want him to —at least not yet.
Sex with Hyunjin always goes a little bit like this, but it never feels as intimate as it does right now.
Your sweating bodies are pressed against each other, and your hearts are beating at the same rate. Your mouth tastes like red wine, despite you not having drunk any, and Hyunjin’s chest smells like your perfume. 
The crescent moon-like imprints from your nails are still pulsing on his shoulders and back with desire, and your neck still burns with his possessiveness.
It seems as though you two are one, and it is impossible to deny it.
If hate is another synonym for infatuation, you might as well be willing to hate each other until death.
710 notes · View notes
yunhoszn · 6 months
Note
(this is user sourkimchi pls don’t perceive me on main lmao)
i saw another user post this abt this hongjoong fit and it’s been living in my head rent free…
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as a fellow asian rave bisexual.. i need a fic for this concept 🫣
(not so) alcohol-free
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PAIRING kim hongjoong x f!reader
WORD COUNT 3.46k
GENRES fluff?﹒smut
WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, clubbing scene, reader feels self conscious, mentions of alcohol, strangers to lovers?, ummmmm hardly any plot tbh half of the wc is porn, couch sex, little bit of foreplay (vaginal fingering), some marking here and there i think, cowgirl position, missionary, protected sex, allusions to multiple rounds of unprotected sex, not beta’d or proofread bc we rawdog this shit like men
SUMMARY notorious for canceling plans at the last minute, you finally let your friends drag you out for a night at the club. however, a chance encounter with the prettiest man you’ve ever seen has the night turning to something unexpected.
MORE AAAAAAND i finally finished my first request LOLLLLL here u go yves!! i kinda strayed away from the main idea bc i wanted to make it my own, but i hope this meets ur expectations <3
@atzhouse
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You had a natural affinity for canceling plans at the last minute. You’re not sure why, especially because you always get an awful case of FOMO every time you do. It’s your own fault that you feel left out when your friends get together without you.
No matter how far in advance you plan for the event, you somehow still find a way to lose your motivation to go. You haven’t properly hung out with your friend group in months, so when they start talking about clubbing tonight, you immediately say yes. 
At first, you think you’ll change your mind an hour later, since it’s only an afternoon’s notice. But when you realize your friends will be here to pick you up in thirty minutes and you’re finishing your makeup, you nearly jump for joy. You successfully stuck it out for once. 
Even as you’re sandwiched between Wooyoung and Mingi in the backseat, San in the drivers’ seat and his girlfriend in the passenger, you’re still shocked that this is your reality. You’re actually dolled up and you’re actually on your way to a club right now. 
“Y/N, do you remember the signal if someone hits on me?”
“Wooyoung, no one’s hitting on you.”
“Shut the fuck up, Mingi. It could happen.”
You snort, pulling your skirt down a little. “Woo, we should come up with a signal for if I get hit on.”
“Yeah, Y/N’s more likely to get laid than you are even though she’s bitchless, too.” Mingi nods, adjusting his sunglasses. (You have no idea why he’s wearing sunglasses at 10 PM.)
“Kill your—”
“We’re here!” San announces, effectively putting a pin in any argument that was about to begin. As long as your friendship with the males spanned, he’s always been the mediator. You’ve known the three of them dating all the way back to high school, lumped in the same homeroom your freshman year. The four of you sat in the same general vicinity and got grouped together for a project once and you’ve been inseparable ever since. 
You know you look hot, Wooyoung wolf-whistling at you the moment you started walking towards the car, but you still feel a bit insecure. It probably has everything to do with the fact that you don’t go out much and you’re self-conscious as is. Stepping into the crowded club, a scene that could only be compared to a sardine can, has you shrinking in on yourself. 
Instinctively, you tug on the hem of your skirt to attempt to cover your ass a little more. Then you wrap your arms around your midriff, though your cleavage leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. You swallow thickly as your trail behind your friends, like a lost puppy with its tail between its legs. 
This is why you always back out of plans. You feel so out of place, like you don’t fit in even when people try to include you. It feels like everyone’s staring at you, waiting for one wrong move so they can point and laugh like you were the butt of some sort of weird joke. You’re ready to go home. 
“Are you okay?” Mingi asks once you’ve settled at an empty high table just a few feet from the dance floor. Through his stupid sunglasses, you can make out the concern on his features. 
“Yeah, I think so,” your lips purse, arms hugging yourself tighter. “I just haven’t been out in so long. I feel… like I shouldn’t be here or something. I’ll be fine. I hope.”
He raises an eyebrow at you, but doesn’t ask any more questions, instead turning to San and his girlfriend who were about to make a trip to the bar. Your poison for the night is simple, a plain margarita that’ll ease your nerves more than anything else. You weren’t much of a beer person, often opting for fruitier, sweeter drinks in comparison to your male counterparts. (When you do go out with them, that is.)
Wooyoung and Mingi fall into a heated discussion about who knows what, leaving you to become a third wheel while you wait for the couple to come back with your drinks. You people-watch to pass the time, chewing on the inside of your lip, your eyes flitting around the club like some kind of guilty criminal. Almost immediately, they land on a guy in the middle of the dance floor. 
He’s hypnotizing, body fluidly moving to the song the DJ’s playing and matching the energy of his friend standing next to him, two girls in front of and facing them. His dark hair falls into his eyes slightly, though parted and styled damn near perfectly. He’s dressed in a black tweed jacket, a white button up left open enough to reveal a couple necklaces resting on his sternum, some ripped jeans, and black boots. But none of that is what caught your attention. 
You’re entranced by his smile, its brightness and how fucking pretty he looks wearing it. You caught the tail-end of something his friend said that made him laugh, and you feel yourself being pulled in deeper and deeper without a single conversation with him. Too bad he seems unavailable. 
“Woah, N/N, might wanna wipe your chin,” Wooyoung teases, a stupid smirk on his face that you want to punch away. “I think you’re drooling a little.”
Mingi howls with laughter, falling onto the table to support himself. He clutches at his stomach as it cramps up from how hard he’s laughing. It wasn’t even that funny. You roll your eyes. 
“Shut up, Wooyo.” 
“Who are you even staring at?” He inquires, resting his elbows on the high top surface, his chin placed on his hands. He blinks at you expectantly, like he’s not letting you off the hook. You avoid his gaze, simultaneously ensuring that you don’t look in the attractive stranger’s general direction either. This all felt so elementary. 
“None of your business.” You murmur, ducking your head. Thankfully, San and his girlfriend return to the table with your drinks perfectly timed, and the topic is dropped completely. 
The first sip of your margarita is damn near heavenly, the alcohol flowing through your system smoothly and calming that storm waging in your mind. It’s not too strong, just enough that another couple drinks would inebriate you entirely. It aids with the anxiety of being in such a packed space, but that feeling of not belonging still sits inside your chest. 
You can’t help but look for the stranger again, who’s no longer on the dance floor. Now he’s on the other side of the club at another high table. His friend is still with him, but the girls from before are nowhere to be found. You focus on his hands and the chunky rings on his fingers, the way he holds his beer bottle, the way his free hand runs through his hair. Your tongue twirls around the straw in your glass out of habit, enthralled by this man who has yet to give you the time of day. 
Except when you glance up to admire his face, you discover that he’s already looking back at you. He’s nodding along to his friend’s words, but his eyes are zeroed in on you, a different kind of smile playing on his lips. Your features fall slightly from being caught red handed, cheeks warming up significantly. You aren’t sure what’s more embarrassing, caught gawking at a stranger by your own friend or by the stranger himself. Truly, the universe was out to get you. 
You down the rest of your margarita and excuse yourself to go to the restroom, needing a second to gather your bearings. Your skin is flushed and you have to hold your cheeks between your palms as you psych yourself up in the mirror. Why should you feel ashamed of thinking someone’s hot? You were only human. Besides, you looked good, too. 
When you exit the restroom, you’re shocked to see the stranger walking out of the men’s restroom at the same time. Your eyes are wide and your body freezes. He gives you that smile from before, ruffling his hair as if this interaction wasn’t difficult enough. 
“I was hoping I’d bump into you,” he says, unabashedly drinking in your figure. “It’s not everyday someone as gorgeous as you crosses my path.”
So he’s a flirt. Noted. 
“I could say the same,” you manage to get out, though your palms are already clamming up. “If fleeting glances across a dance floor count as crossing paths.”
He laughs and you swear it’s the best sound you’ve ever heard. A couple girls come into the hallway, and you maneuver so they can go into the women’s restroom. His hand comes to rest on your lower back when your balance wavers slightly. 
“I’m Hongjoong, by the way,” he introduces himself since he’s in such close proximity to you now. “Can I buy you a drink?”
“Yeah, sure,” you nod, too distracted by how much prettier he is only inches away from you. “I’d like that.”
Hongjoong leads you to the bar, a gentle hand wrapped around your wrist so he doesn’t lose you in the crowd. He orders himself a beer and turns to you to ask what you’re having. While waiting for the bartender to whip up your drinks, he strikes up a conversation. 
“Are you gonna tell me your name?” 
You scratch the back of your neck sheepishly. “Oh yeah, sorry… It’s Y/N.”
He repeats it, like he’s testing out the taste in his mouth. The smile that graces his features afterwards says all you need to know. It has butterflies flapping around rampantly in the pit of your stomach, nearly knocking the wind out of you. He thanks the bartender seconds later when he slides your margarita and his beer bottle across the bar. 
“So, Y/N, what brings you out tonight?” He takes a swig from his bottle, one arm leaning onto the surface of the bar. God, the things you would do to him if given the chance…
“Catching up with my friends,” you answer honestly, baby-sipping your margarita through the straw. “I don’t really go out much, because I’m really bad when it comes to canceling plans at the last minute.”
“Should I consider myself lucky then?” Hongjoong quirks a brow, licking his lower lip. If men had anything, it was the audacity. And this man had the audacity to do everything in his power to lure you in with his good looks and charisma. 
“I’ll have you know that this is a one of a kind, once in a lifetime opportunity,” you play along, stirring the slowly-melting ice cubes around your glass. “You’re a very fortunate man.”
“Yeah?” He laughs again and you think you might faint right here and now. He looks off to the other side of the club and then back at you. “I think Prince Charming over there is looking for you.”
He points at the table where your friends are, and you find that Wooyoung is glancing around in search of something, or someone. Namely you. It’s most likely because you went to the restroom and then never returned. He’ll live. 
“Wooyoung? Nah, he’s just being a good friend. I raised him right,” you turn back to him, sipping at your drink leisurely. “Now where were we? Something about you being lucky?”
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“Hwa, I’ll— shit— I’ll have to call you back,” Hongjoong forces out, promptly hanging up so he can focus on putting you in your place. You’re like a damn leech, lips attached to his neck, marking the supple skin like it was your job. Your hands paw at the button of his jeans, your lower half grinding down on his lap. “So fucking impatient. Can’t even wait until I’m off the phone?”
“Want you too bad, Joong,” you pout, slowly undoing the buttons of his shirt, his jacket lost somewhere near the front door. He groans when the nickname falls from your mouth. You had no idea how sexy you were.
The two of you were so insatiable, you couldn’t even make it to the bedroom, collapsing on his couch. You hardly had the mind to message your friends to let them know your whereabouts. His hands hold your ass firmly, halting you from any further teasing. You whine, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders. Your nails drag down his toned abdomen, enjoying the way it tenses beneath your touch. After all he’s put you through tonight, you think you at least deserve a bit of payback. Just a bit. 
“Are you too antsy to make it through foreplay?” He coos and presses a quick kiss to your lips, trailing a few along your jawline. Your eyes flutter shut with a hum and a nod. It was true. If he didn’t fuck you soon, you feared you might go insane. 
“I need you inside me already,” you whine, trying to spread your legs and create more friction downstairs. He chuckles at how desperate you are, how touch starved you must be considering you don’t get out much. It fuels his pride knowing he’s the only one to see you like this, to have you like this, for the first time in who knows how long. If he’s successful, maybe he’ll be the only one ever. 
Hongjoong bunches your skirt around your waist, sneaking a hand between your bodies to rub tight, gentle circles into your clothed clit. A blissful sigh escapes you, your forehead dropping to his shoulder. The cocky smile you’ve grown to adore over the course of the night decorates his lips at how quickly he has you falling apart at his fingertips. 
His middle and ring digits push your underwear to the side, sliding down your slit to prod at your entrance. He nips at the base of your throat, working his way up to the spot behind your ear. Your sighs grow into whimpers, squirming around on his lap when he applies pressure to your cunt with the pad of his middle finger. 
“You’re so wet, sweetheart,” he mutters into your skin, shivers running down your spine from the low register he uses. He circles his digit around your hole, not quite giving you what you need. “You weren’t kidding about how bad you wanted me.”
You’re about to quip back, but then he’s inserting a finger and rubbing your clit with his thumb. You gasp, biting down on his collarbone to ground yourself. As much as you would love to sit here and let him finger you until sunrise, you have bigger priorities. “Mmm, Joong, please… Fuck me, please…”
He kisses his teeth, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. He supposes he can satiate your hunger, though he really wanted to take his time with you. “Do you think you can be still while I put the condom on?”
You pull back and nod enthusiastically, sitting on your haunches slightly, fingers locked behind his neck. “I’ll be so good, I promise. I just need you, like, now.”
All he can do is laugh, and you melt into a puddle in his arms. You’ve concluded that smile of his would quite honestly be the death of you. He removes his fingers from your pussy, instead squeezing your hip before helping you onto the couch cushion beside him. You rest on your knees as he unbuttons his jeans and kicks them off, swiftly grabbing his wallet out of his pocket and plucking a condom from it. In the same breath, he’s taking off his underwear and tugging you back on top of him. 
He places the foil packet between his teeth so he can quickly aid you in the discarding of your panties. Now that your cunt is bare, you can feel the heat of his cock and it’s so hypnotic. Your eyes can barely stay open as you watch him tear open the condom packet and roll it on. He’s the perfect thickness and the perfect length, and you feel so special straddling his lap right now. 
Hongjoong kisses you softly, gripping your waist so he can guide you to sit on his cock. The first breach of your entrance has a shaky exhale leaving your lips against his own. You stay like that for a second so you can adjust to the feel of him inside of you, the fullness in your lower half, and overall just how fucking good it feels. He grins when you slowly start bouncing up and down, his dick thrusting in and out under you. 
“How are you doing, sweetheart?” He pecks your cheek, moving downward and reaching behind your back to untie your halter top. It slips off of you with ease, revealing your tits to him. 
“So good, Joong… Feels so good,” you arch into him, whining and moaning every time he brushes that crook in your cunt that has you seeing stars. He peppers kisses all over your chest and sternum, scraping his teeth along the skin of your breast. You whimper, nails sinking into his back and your toes curling. You’re completely aware of what’s going on, but those two margaritas have to be contributing to the pleasure swirling in your abdomen. 
“Yeah? You’re taking me so fucking well,” His eyebrows knit together when you switch your pace, sitting on him fully and letting his cock fill you for a couple seconds. In reality, your knees were starting to ache and get tired, something he recognizes instantly because he was so attentive. 
His hand holds the small of your back and he flips you so you’re in missionary on the couch now without skipping a beat. The change in position allows for a change in angle, his dick dragging against your velvety walls deliciously. Your sounds grow in volume, scratching his back when he pushes one of your knees to your chest. 
You weren’t anticipating to end up here at the end of the night, but you don’t think you could dare complain. While a majority of this night felt like a fever dream, you feel a high that’s never taken over you before. 
Hongjoong’s hair falls into his eyes as he glances down at where your bodies meet, his cock disappearing inside of you and then sliding out with ease. You intertwine your fingers behind his head, pulling him down so you can connect your lips in a fervent, passionate kiss. That familiar summit is within view now, your hand nudging his own to your clit so you can inch closer towards it. 
His thumb swipes side to side on the sensitive bundle of nerves, never once breaking your kiss. There’s so much stimulation going on for you, you’re starting to feel dizzy. In a good way. He’s gentle in a way that’s still rough enough to knock the daylights out of you and the juxtaposition makes the moment all the more enjoyable. 
“‘M so close, Joong,” you arch off the sofa in an attempt to be closer to him, to sandwich yourself between him and the couch. 
His thrusts become faster and more calculated, but he doesn’t break the focus on your clit. His efforts come to fruition and he mumbles words of encouragement for you as you finally reach that boiling point. A strangled moan falls from your mouth and you spread your legs to suck him in further. 
The uncontrollable fluttering of your walls following your climax is almost too much for him and he has to pull out. Your eyes are half lidded, nimble fingers rolling off the condom. He fucks his fist until he’s painting the area between your tits with his cum.
The two of you don’t move right away, regaining your composure. He leans down to kiss you sweetly, and then repeats the action all over your face until you’re a giggly mess. This is probably the best sex you’ve ever had in your life, and part of you doesn’t want to go home— whether that be later or tomorrow morning. 
“Do you have the energy to go again, or should I go grab a warm washcloth to clean you up?” He raises an eyebrow at you, indicating that he’s just joking but he’s totally down if you are. You laugh, running your fingers through his hair. 
“If you give me a minute, I’m all set to do that again,” you start, resting your eyes for a second. “You don’t have to worry about a condom this time. I kinda wanna feel you raw.”
Hongjoong laughs in disbelief, glancing away from you and then letting his forehead fall onto your shoulder. “What have I gotten myself into…”
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© yunhoszn. do not steal, claim, or repost. 
237 notes · View notes
3xiles · 4 months
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Sweet lies part two
Pairing •Toji x gn!reader
Warnings• Angst!, Cheating, suggestive (they like lowkey make out), manipulation, UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!, Cursing. Lmk if i forgot any!
Word count • 1079 words
A/n • I had this pre written ever since i put out the first part but was so hesitant on posting it LMAO! Enjoy! Masterlist is pinned!
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You knew life after the honeymoon phase was rough but nothing could’ve prepared you for the drastic switch in you and Toji’s relationship. About two months the after you guys got married is when you realized the mistake you made. Your days went from him coming home from work and showering you with affection to him coming in with an inaudible hello. You were confused on what you could be doing wrong. He was coming home to a clean house with food on the table, a bath prepared and you all dolled up for him, just how he liked it. This went on for months and throughout those months he’s just been coming home later and later. The man who was once coming home every day at five now walking through the front door as late as ten at night. It didn’t bother you until your 26th birthday.
You woke up excited to celebrate your first birthday as a married woman. For your birthday last year Toji went all out so you couldn’t help but let your expectations be high! Toji wasn’t there when you woke up, which was normal because he usually leaves extremely early in the morning. You spent your day pampering yourself to the max, expecting to maybe go out later. Soon enough five o clock rolls around. You sit pretty and patient on the couch, telling yourself he’s just running a little late. You wait… and you wait.. sending text after text to your husband every hour.
Hubby💍❤️
5:30pm
Y/n: Hey babe coming home soon?
6:15
Y/n: Toj idk what you have planned but i’m super excited! see you soon❤️
7:23
Y/n: Hey is everything okay??
8:54
Y/n: Hello?
9:46
Y/n: Toji it’s almost 10 where are you?
10:27
Y/n: Toji?
You send your last text with tears falling from your eyes. You hate to think he forgot your birthday. It can’t be. He just got caught up in something. It has to be. You check the time one last time. 11:03. You then tell yourself you need to go to bed. As you stand up from the couch the door opens and the man you’ve been waiting for finally shows. You do nothing but stare at him, tears mixed with mascara running down your puffy cheeks. “The hell happened to you?” he says, taking off his shoes, tie, and blazer. He begins to unbutton his shirt, purple marks adorning his chest. That was in that moment when something in you just… snapped.
“Toji, what is today?” you slowly walk towards him. He shrugs, scratching the back of his head. “Look doll, i’m beat. Can we talk tomorrow?” he begins to walk towards the stairs that lead to your shared bedroom “No. Absolutely the fuck not.” oh crap. did you just say that? he stops in his tracks and turns to you. “Excuse me?” Shitshitshitshitshit what do you say? why did u say that? “Toji i asked you a question. What. Is. Today.” you keep up the tough girl act, too deep to back out now. “Y/n.” he walks closer to you but you back away “Toji today is my fucking birthday. Today is my birthday and i’ve been home all day thinking my ‘husband’ was going to at least come home on time but you were out fucking some bitch!” You begin to yell, crying harder than you were before. “The fuck are you talking about?” You weren’t stupid, you knew he was cheating but who were you to say anything. You were nothing without him. You didn’t want to ruin things. You can’t lose him. “Toji, i know you’re seeing someone else but i at least thought you would have some type of respect or decency to not do this to me on my fucking birthday.”You’re falling apart in front of him.
The silence is strong. He walks towards you and wraps his arms around you, holding you close. “Things just haven’t been right with me, i don’t know why i do the things i do. You know how much you mean to me baby, i never want to hurt you.” i never want to hurt you. Those words replay in your mind. He brings his hands to hold your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “You know I love you and only you, right?” you wanted to yell at him. You wanted to kick and scream but something in you made you believe every word he was saying. Instead of doing any of those things you just nodded. Shame rose in you but it all started to fade away when his lips connect with yours. You know this isn’t right, this isn’t healthy but that doesn’t stop you from wrapping your arms around his neck and letting his hands wander. “I’m so sorry baby.” his lips travel to your neck. You try to hold back sounds but he knows just what to do to get it out if you. “Gonna let me show my girl how sorry i am?” you just started at him. not wanting to say yes but you didn’t want to disappoint him by saying no either.
You have to draw a line somewhere. “I think i just wanna go to sleep…” Removing your hands from him and stepping back. His looks confused but he doesn’t press further. Is it bad that part of you wishes he did? You wished he would’ve showed some kind of kind want, not just wanting to fuck out of pity. You know why he didn’t tho, he already got his fix of pussy for the night and it didn’t come from you. What a shame.
That night you couldn’t sleep, you were up all night silently crying. Is this really what your life was? You had lost yourself in this relationship. Your 26th birthday was a wake up call. The next few days were rough, he was just coming home later and later. Not to mention he wasn’t even trying to hide his affairs, He started to be careless. Not bothering to cover the scratches or hickeys that covered his body, leaving his phone open when you could see messages from the multiple girls and having panties and various other items in his car that didn’t belong to you. It’s like he was trying to hurt you, but isn’t that what he said he never wanted to do?
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scary-grace · 1 month
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Enough to Go by (Chapter 14) - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic
Your best friend vanished on the same night his family was murdered, and even though the world forgot about him, you never did. When a chance encounter brings you back into contact with Shimura Tenko, you'll do anything to make sure you don't lose him again. Keep his secrets? Sure. Aid the League of Villains? Of course. Sacrifice everything? You would - but as the battle between the League of Villains and hero society unfolds, it becomes clear that everything is far more than you or anyone else imagined it would be. (cross-posted to Ao3)
Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
Chapter 14
When you agreed to be Tenko’s sidekick, playing for keeps this time, you made a promise to yourself that you wouldn’t involve anyone else. You broke that promise almost immediately, but Kazuo made you break it, so you decided it doesn’t count. Your friends who were killed in the Kamino incident weren’t dragged into it by you specifically, but you’re still part of the reason they died, so you have to count them, too. Mitsuru’s stayed out of it by having a girlfriend and being too busy to notice whatever the hell you’re up to, and Yoshimi’s got enough to worry about with her illness. You never wanted your friends to get caught up in this. You thought you’d hidden it well enough to keep Mitsuko and Ryuhei safe, too.
Except now Ryuhei and Mitsuko have met Tenko, and they’ve become the League’s first ever sleeper agents. Every time the two of them show up at your apartment, for any reason, League-related or otherwise, you can’t help feeling like you’ve failed them. You feel like you’ve failed Tenko, too.
Tenko’s not here today. He’s been spending at least some time at the new hideout Overhaul provided in order to keep up appearances, and with Kurogiri on another mission, it’s harder to move people back and forth safely. Toga and Twice are embedded with the yakuza full-time, which means you haven’t heard from them other than a request from Toga to go thrifting and find her a new coat. It’s cold in the Hassaikai base. Compress is usually at the new hideout, too – now that he’s got his prosthetic, your services are no longer needed. The people who spend the most time at your apartment now are Dabi and Spinner. And your friends from before.
Dabi and Spinner aren’t here today, but your friends are supposed to be here at any moment, and as soon as the thought crosses your mind, you hear the secret knock on the door – followed by an order to “let us in, you criminal”, which sort of defeats the purpose of a secret knock. You unlock the door and open it. They both push past you eagerly, only to pause, disappointed, when they realize your apartment is empty. “Come on,” Ryuhei complains. “I wanted to meet the rest of them.”
“Not even your weird boyfriend’s here? Lame,” Mitsuko agrees. “I wanted to give him this.”
She’s holding your high school yearbook. “Why?”
“So he can see all the bad haircuts he missed out on. This –” Mitsuko gestures at you “ – is the result of five years of my influence on your fashion sense. He owes me.”
“Yeah. I’ll be sure to let him know.” You’ll show Tenko the yearbook when hell freezes over. You shut the door. “Do you guys have questions about any of the stuff we talked about last time?”
“No. I don’t care that I’m not fighting,” Mitsuko says. “My quirk sucks for it.”
“Not if you fine-tuned it enough. If you could sense people’s intentions towards you really closely, you’d be able to tell their moves ahead of time,” Ryuhei says. “My quirk could be good for fighting, though. Is he sure he doesn’t want me fighting?”
“Yes,” you say. Tenko was impressed by Ryuhei’s quirk, but if Ryuhei gets captured, he’ll be a potential link to you, and Tenko’s still trying to keep you out of any suspicion. “For right now, anyway.”
“Fine,” Ryuhei says. He sits down on your couch with a thud, and Mitsuko grabs the armchair. You take the other end of the couch. “We got some stuff going. Inada’s been looking into the Hassaikai a little more –”
“We’ll get to that,” Mitsuko says. “Tell her our real idea.”
“Supply caches,” Ryuhei says. You blink. “Storage units aren’t that expensive. We could rent a bunch of different ones all around the country and fill them with stuff you guys need – like medical shit, food, supplies –”
“New information, if we’ve got any,” Mitsuko adds. “Phones aren’t safe. If they’re tracking where your signal is coming from, they’ll find it bouncing all over the place, and that’ll be suspicious from somebody who’s supposed to be in Yokohama.”
“Why wouldn’t I be in Yokohama?” you ask. Then it clicks. “Wait, you think I’m going to be with them?”
“Uh, yes.” Mitsuko and Ryuhei trade a glance. “At some point you have to, right? If you’re their medic, they need you to be with them wherever they are.”
“Kurogiri just comes to get me.”
“What if they need you and he’s not with them?” Ryuhei is giving you a weird look. “What happened with the one guy’s arm – it could have been bad if you weren’t there, right?”
It would have been. Nobody else in the League carries medical supplies, and without you to smooth the way at your clinic, Compress could have easily been reported to the police and arrested. “And it would make more sense for you to be with them,” Mitsuko continues. “Your boyfriend’s a lot more hinged when you’re around. If that’s what hinged looks like for him, I don’t even want to think about what he’s like on his own.”
Tenko’s more grounded when you’re around, or so you’ve heard from Spinner. He and Dabi don’t argue as much, and he’s apparently a lot less apathetic about things. But you’re still taken aback by what your friends are saying. The role they’re envisioning for themselves when it comes to helping the League is the role you’re playing right now, because they don’t expect you to play it for much longer. You hadn’t even thought of that. Are they right?
You’re not going to think about that right now. “I think supply caches are a great idea,” you say. “How many were you thinking?”
“That depends. How much money are we working with?”
Money’s not the only thing it depends on. It also depends on where the League is likely to be, and how easily they’ll be able to travel, and whether they’re more likely to be spotted in big cities with tons of surveillance or small towns where everyone knows everyone, and a whole lot of other questions. Mitsuko points out another benefit of you traveling with the League full-time; the cops still don’t know your face, which means you can move around freely even when the rest of the League can’t. The longer the three of you talk about it, the more it makes sense. You’re starting to wonder why Tenko hasn’t brought you with the League full-time already.
You’re in the middle of looking up storage units when the doorbell rings. The sound scares the hell out of you, like most unexpected sounds do these days, and you rocket to your feet. “Where are you going?” Ryuhei asks. “It’s probably just a delivery. Did you order something?”
You shake your head. “The others might have. They’ve done stuff like that before.”
Ryuhei accepts the explanation, but Mitsuko doesn’t. She follows you to the door. “I’m getting a weird feeling.”
“Like a feeling that the delivery guy is going to kill me?” you ask. Mitsuko shakes her head. “Then it’s fine. It’s easier if I just grab it now.”
You unlock the door and find yourself looking at a man holding a manila envelope. You can see your name written on it, along with your address, in neat but spidery handwriting. You hold out your hand for it. “Do I need to sign for this or something?”
“Nope. Just confirm your name and address.” The delivery guy holds the envelope just out of reach until you confirm both pieces of information. “Perfect. Here –”
He places the envelope in your hand, but once you’ve got it, his other hand comes up, and both enfold yours. The delivery guy is holding your hand, and in the split second before your mind registers just how weird this is, you find yourself feeling sick. Really sick. Dizzy. Nauseous. Another split second later, just as you’re thinking you should pull away, pain knifes through your skull. It’s not just weird. It’s a quirk.
A status effect quirk? You try to pull your hand away, but your arms feel like lead. Your voice comes out strange and slurred. “What –”
“Overhaul requires your presence,” the man says, and your stomach twists. “Come with me.”
“Fuck you.” A pair of arms wrap around your waist and yank you backwards into your apartment. Mitsuko pulls you away from the door and keeps pulling, even when your legs give out and she has to drag you. “Sasegawa, get your shit together!”
The man steps across the threshold into your apartment, dropping the envelope on the floor. “Thought you’d be alone in here. This is going to get messy.”
He reaches for you, but before he can make contact, Ryuhei hops the couch and gets between the two of you. The would-be kidnapper’s hand collides with Ryuhei’s face instead, and Ryuhei’s quirk activates. You’ve seen Ryuhei’s quirk at work before, but it always amazes you just how fast the rebound happens. The kidnapper’s got next to no resistance to his own quirk. Most people don’t. He throws up all over himself and the floor. He’s throwing up blood.
“Okay, what the fuck?” Ryuhei snaps. “What kind of quirk was that? Who is this guy?”
“Hassaikai,” you and Mitsuko both say at once. Mitsuko keeps talking. You’re too busy trying not to retch. “See how his eyes glow green? His quirk’s called Irradiate. It can paralyze people if he wants it to. Or it can kill.”
“So how the fuck did you miss it? You’re supposed to read intentions!”
“His intention was to kidnap her, not to hurt her or kill her! Hurting her is just a byproduct! My quirk doesn’t do what you think it does!” Mitsuko sounds as pissed as you’ve ever heard her. She shakes you. “If you’d just listened to me –”
“We have to do something about him.” You cut her off and gesture at the delivery guy, who’s now having a seizure just inside your doorway. “Emergency services. I have to call them.”
“You want to get him medical help? He just tried to kidnap you!”
“I need him to leave. And I don’t need the cops here.” You know the Hassaikai are under investigation. You’ve already come into contact with them once that the heroes know about. If you’re documented making contact with them again – “This guy is just a delivery guy. We don’t know what happened. When I opened the door and took the package, he started convulsing. That’s it.”
“And what about you? You look like hell,” Ryuhei shoots back. “You’re a nurse. Isn’t helping with shit like this your job?”
Shit. It is your job. If the cops come here, they’re going to ask why you’re not tending to the guy who tried to kidnap you. “One of you needs to call,” you say. You pull away from Mitsuko, fighting the urge to throw up, and head to the delivery guy, tilting him onto his side so he won’t aspirate if he starts vomiting again. “Now.”
While Mitsuko places the call, you try to remember what you know about radiation sickness. Not a lot. You seem to remember that the symptoms correspond to the dose, and that instant vomiting isn’t a good sign. Vomiting blood is never a good sign. But you got nauseous right away, even though you didn’t throw up. If this guy actually irradiated you, you’re in trouble, too. Did Mitsuko say his quirk was radiation, or just that it mimics the effects? You need to ask her, but she’s still on the phone, acting really panicked and hysterical to ensure that the EMTs get here fast. You’ll ask once she hangs up. In the meantime, you’ve got one hell of a headache and a guy having a seizure on your floor. You’re busy.
The EMTs don’t question your story when they arrive. They get the gang member off your floor and onto a stretcher, give you a bodily fluids cleanup kit to deal with the vomit, and book it. Ryuhei’s too squeamish to help you clean, but Mitsuko isn’t. The two of you work on taking the stain out of the carpet while Ryuhei opens the envelope the Hassaikai member brought with him. “I should be the one to open it,” he says when you protest. “If there’s a quirk in here it’ll bounce off of me.”
“Why would there be a quirk in an envelope?”
“Why would the Hassaikai send a delivery guy to kidnap you? These people are insane.” Ryuhei rips open the envelope. “No quirk. Just a letter. It’s – well, fuck. This is bad.”
“Don’t just say ‘this is bad’. Read it,” you say. It’s quiet for a few seconds. “Well?”
“It’s not addressed to you. It’s for Shigaraki,” Ryuhei says. Your stomach lurches. “I guess the guy was supposed to leave it here for Shigaraki to find after he kidnapped you. Overhaul’s saying he doesn’t trust Shigaraki to behave himself just for Toga’s and Twice’s sake – wait, are they hostages? – so he’s going to hang onto you, too. And – fuck, this guy is a freak.”
“Wait, let me see.” Mitsuko strips off her gloves and goes to investigate. You come over, too, but she shoos you back. A moment later, she swears. “We can’t let him see this.”
“See what?” You’re not done with the bodily fluids cleanup, but you peel off your gloves and step around Mitsuko. “He was going to kidnap me. I should get to –”
“You don’t want to,” Mitsuko snaps at you. You’ve never heard her take that tone before, and you’ve heard her get really harsh. Then, to Ryuhei: “We can’t let him see this. If he sees this – look, I’ve been around the yakuza before. I’ve seen some shit. This is fucked up even for them.”
“What is it?” you say, exasperated. You’ve met Overhaul. He creeped you out plenty in person. You doubt a letter could do the same thing.
“I think we should show him,” Ryuhei mumbles. “Let him see what he’s up against.”
Your phone starts buzzing in your pocket, and you pull it out to find a text from Tenko. We got him. We’re on our way over.
They got who? And why are they coming here? How are they coming here without Kurogiri? Are they really traveling through Yokohama on foot? They’re going to get caught. You can’t think straight. Your head hurts. “Mitsu, is that guy’s quirk actual radiation or just the symptoms?”
“Actual radiation.”
You might be screwed. The thought that your would-be kidnapper is even more screwed than you are isn’t much of a source of comfort. You put on a fresh set of gloves and go back to cleaning up the mess of guess-it’s-radioactive bloody vomit on the floor.
Tenko and the others don’t arrive until half an hour after you’re done cleaning, when you’ve switched clothes and showered off and you’re sprawled on the couch, reading the Wikipedia page on acute radiation sickness and trying to decide whether the continued urge to vomit is the result of anxiety or whatever dose of radiation you caught from the kidnapper. You hear the secret knock, but Ryuhei’s at the door before you can even get up from the couch. The door opens, and a moment later you hear Compress’s voice. “Who are you?”
“New ally. Who are you?”
“We don’t have time for this,” Tomura says impatiently. “Let us in.”
Ryuhei lets him in, and the rest of the League piles into the apartment after him. The entire rest of the League – Twice and Toga are back, looking extremely pleased with themselves, and everybody else looks like they’ve had a great day, too. “Overhaul’s fucked,” Tomura announces. “Turn on the TV. I bet they’re covering it.”
You switch on the TV, and everyone comes to settle around it. Twice plops down on the couch next to you, only to scramble up a moment later when Tomura comes over. Tomura’s not shy about being affectionate with you in front of the League. He pulls you against his side, not quite into his lap, and you lean against him, squeezing your eyes shut. You didn’t want to tell him about the attempted kidnapping, and now you don’t have to. It’s a relief.
It turns out that the League’s revenge against Overhaul is just the final piece of Overhaul’s worst day ever. The heroes moved against him at last, destroying his headquarters and capturing his lieutenants, effectively destroying the Shie Hassaikai for good – and on top of that, Tomura, Dabi, Spinner, and Compress attacked the convoy that was transporting Overhaul to a villain-specific hospital. A hero’s dead. Two cops are badly injured. And Overhaul himself is now short both his arms, and his quirk.
“I was thinking,” Tomura says, “somebody who hates quirks shouldn’t have one of his own. We got revenge for Compress –”
“I took his arm myself,” Compress says proudly. Twice high-fives him. “And in revenge for Magne, we took everything else that mattered to him.”
“Those quirk-destroying bullets he had? Those are ours now,” Dabi says. “Smug bastard. He had it coming.”
“You have no idea,” Mitsuko mumbles. Dabi gives her a weird look.
“We messed with them during the heroes’ raid,” Toga sings out, grinning her sharp-toothed grin. “And I got to see Izuku! He’s so cute when he’s covered in blood. Ochako and Tsu were there, too! I wish I’d gotten to talk to them more – they’re so pretty –”
At least Toga likes the idea of having age-appropriate friends. She’s got a few screws loose already, but only hanging around with you and a bunch of older guys probably isn’t helping. On the TV, there’s another alert – something about a girl the heroes were trying to rescue from Overhaul, who’s since gone missing. “And on that note, Saintess,” Compress says over Twice’s crowing about just how badly they pissed off one of Overhaul’s lieutenants, “we have a present for you.”
He extracts one of his spheres from his pocket and uncompresses it on your coffee table to reveal a messily severed arm. Mitsuko yelps and recoils. “Wrong one,” Compress says hastily, and compresses it again. “This is for you.”
You have a bad feeling about it, and once he uncompresses the second sphere, you’re proven right. In place of the arm, there’s a tiny girl sprawled out on the table. She’s wearing a hospital gown, her arms and legs heavily bandaged. She has greyish-white hair, just like the girl in the picture on TV, and just like the girl in the picture, there’s a horn on the right side of her forehead. She’s also asleep, or maybe unconscious. There’s a hectic, fevered flush in her cheeks, and her breathing is rattling and uneven in a way that raises a whole host of red flags.
“This is Eri,” Twice says as you stare in horror. “Isn’t she cute?”
“She was the key to Overhaul’s plans,” Tomura says. “Her quirk’s Rewind. It activates when she touches someone, and it turns back the clock on their body, or parts of their body. Overhaul was using it in the deleter rounds to turn back quirk factors until they no longer exist.”
“He was being so gross with her,” Toga says. Her mirth from before is gone. “He kept cutting her and using his quirk to put her back together again. We could hear her crying if we went down to that level.”
“The heroes were trying to rescue her, but we nabbed her when their backs were turned,” Twice adds. “And we brought her back here! She should be with us, don’t you think?”
You can barely think. “Can she control it?” Mitsuko asks. “Like, is it active right now?”
“Maybe. Why?”
Mitsuko doesn’t answer. She grabs your hand away from your side, yanks it towards the coffee table, and slaps it down on top of the little girl’s hand. Your entire body jolts, and you struggle to pull free, but Mitsuko leaves your hand there for a second, two seconds, three. When Tomura grabs you and pulls you back, she lets you go. “What the hell was that?” Tomura demands.
Mitsuko doesn’t answer him. “I can Google shit just as well as you can,” she says to you. “Feel better?”
You do. Your headache’s completely gone, along with the nausea, and it’s easier to think – and now you get why she did it. The exposure to the little girl’s quirk Rewound you, past the point where you were exposed to the radiation quirk. You’re not irradiated any longer, which means that by bringing Eri back here, Compress and the others have saved you a lot of trouble. But they’ve also caused a problem. A really big problem. “We can’t keep her.”
The League stares at you. “Why not?” Spinner asks.
You’d expect that question from Tomura or Dabi. Not from Spinner, who lived at least adjacent to the real world until four months ago. “She’s a little kid,” you say. “Kids need stability. They need a roof over their heads and to know they’ll have food and a safe place to sleep every night. And if one of you is about to say that you didn’t have that and you turned out fine – no, you didn’t.”
Dabi snorts. “But she’s so cute,” Toga complains. “Look at her little cheeks. I just want to bite them!”
“No biting the kid. If you’re going to bite the kid we’re definitely not keeping her,” Tomura says. You can’t believe he’s still thinking it’s a good idea to keep her, and when he turns to look at you, you can see that nothing you’ve said has sunk in. “She could stay with you. It’s safe here.”
“No, it isn’t,” Ryuhei says, and you glare daggers at him. “Don’t. I’m not going to act like there wasn’t –”
Whatever he was going to say, it’s cut off when the girl on your coffee table startles awake. She pushes herself to seated with shaking arms, glancing left, then right. Her eyes are bright red, like Tomura’s, and as you watch, they begin to fill with tears. Her mouth is trembling, and so is her voice when she speaks. “Where’s Deku?”
“Oh, come on,” Tomura complains, and the girl cringes. “You want Midoriya? Really? I – hey!”
You’ve elbowed him into shutting up. The girl is curling in on herself, arms wrapping tight around her knees. “He was going to save me,” she whimpers. “Him and Lemillion and the man with the glasses –”
“They did save you. From Overhaul. Then we saved you from them!” Twice chirps. “It was no trouble. Say thank you!”
“Hey,” you warn. They brought Eri to you. It’s your job to help her. You turn to her and soften your voice. “Hey. It’s okay. You’re safe here. Nobody here is going to hurt you. I promise.”
She shakes her head. “Nobody here will hurt you,” you say again. You don’t even want to think about what it must have been like for this girl to live under Overhaul’s thumb, being tortured by him to manufacture the quirk-canceling bullets. “You aren’t in trouble. You’re not going to be in trouble, and even if you were, there’s nothing you could do that would make one of us hurt you. That’s not what we do.”
“Overhaul –”
“He’s gone,” Tomura says. Eri looks at him. “We got rid of him. I took his quirk away and left him for the heroes. He’s not coming back.”
“We’re not him,” Spinner adds. “He sucked.”
Eri’s shoulders relax slightly at that. Then her face crumples. “I want Deku.”
You preemptively elbow Tomura, then start strategizing. If you touch her, you might get rewound further than you want to be, so you need to find a different way to comfort her. You hand her a box of tissues first, pluck a few out to show her that it’s okay to take them, and get to your feet. “The rest of you, stay where you are,” you order. “I’ll be right back.”
Your apartment doesn’t exactly have kid stuff in it. You find a spare blanket in your hall closet and come back, unfolding it and settling it carefully around Eri’s shoulders. She’s picked up the tissue box, but instead of using it, she’s hugging it. At work, you keep a box of cheap stuffed animals to give to scared kids, for them to hold during their appointments and take with them when they leave. You don’t have any stuffed animals here, so maybe you can give her a pillow. Or –
You head to your room on autopilot, dig into the box of things you brought from your parents’ house, and come back. Tomura’s eyes go straight to the object you’re holding. You know he recognizes it. He wouldn’t be staring like that if he didn’t. “Is that –”
You nod and crouch back down next to the coffee table. “Eri,” you say, and she looks at you. You hold up the plush corgi Tenko gave you for your sixth birthday. “I’ll trade you for the tissue box. This is way more fun to hug than that is.”
Eri’s red eyes brighten ever so slightly, but she’s hesitant to reach for it. Maybe she thinks you’re going to take it away. You set it down on the table and push it towards her, making sure to pull your hand away so she knows you aren’t planning to snatch it back. You feel the smallest sense of relief when she drops the tissue box and grabs the plushie with both hands, hugging it tight against her chest. It’s really cute. Or it would be, if you didn’t know why this is happening to her. If you didn’t know why she’s in your apartment in the first place.
She peers at you from between the plushie’s ears. “Who are you?”
“I’m Saintess,” you say. You’ve never called yourself by your code name before. You feel twenty kinds of dumb. “It’s really nice to meet you. But I know it’s probably not comfortable to sit on the coffee table. How about you go sit in that chair –”
Dabi’s in it. Tomura glares at him until he moves, and Eri stumbles over to it, trailing the blanket and clutching the toy. “And get comfortable,” you tell her. She burrows into the blanket, watching all of you with enormous eyes. “Do you feel okay?”
“Cold,” she says. Chills, then. Probably a fever, too. “It hurts.”
All those bandages. You don’t want to know what’s underneath them. “Okay. I’m going to put on some gloves so it’ll be safe for me to touch you, and then I’ll take your temperature and check to make sure you’re okay. Is that all right with you? It’s okay if it’s not.”
Eri hesitates. “Will I feel better?”
“You won’t feel worse,” you say. She nods, and you go back to the hall closet for your first-aid kit.
You try to tune the others out as you tend to Eri, but you can’t quite make it stick. Dabi is asking Toga and Twice about which heroes they dealt with during the operation against the Hassaikai, Compress is raiding your kitchen, and Spinner is way into your personal space, wanting to know what’s going on with Eri. Tomura is, too, at first. You catch him watching you more than once, a weird look on his face. You know him well enough to know most of his expressions, and that one’s new. You wonder what it means.
Then, while you’re waiting for the thermometer you just put in Eri’s mouth to beep, you glance back to check on Tomura, and he’s gone. He’s over by the kitchen table instead. There’s an envelope in his hands.
No. No, no, no. You grab Ryuhei, order him to take the thermometer out when it beeps and memorize what it says, then race towards Tomura – but you’re way too late. The envelope and the letter inside it crumble to dust as you reach him, and when he looks up at you, his jaw is clenched so tightly that the tendons in his neck are standing out. “What happened?” he snarls.
“Lower your voice,” you beg. You don’t want him to scare Eri. “It’s not a big deal. Nothing bad happened. It’s just –”
“Don’t fucking lie,” Mitsuko says, coming up beside you. You don’t have to warn her to keep her voice down. “That yakuza bastard sent a hitman here to kidnap your girlfriend. It would have worked if Ryuhei hadn’t been here to give him a taste of his own quirk.”
“It’s fine,” you say. “The Hassaikai’s been dismantled, right? It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“They knew where you were,” Tomura says flatly. “When I find out who told them –”
“Nobody had to tell them.” The pieces are coming together in your head, slow and ugly. Overhaul saw the bandage on your hand at the warehouse. He’d have known that the League would need to seek help for Compress, and the free clinics are the only place where an injury like that won’t result in immediate police involvement. “A Hassaikai member showed up at my clinic. He asked about my hand.”
“Overhaul brought it up, too.” Tomura’s right hand lifts, clawing at his neck – lightly at first, then harder. “You – Inada – why did you use the kid’s quirk on her?”
“She got radiation poisoning. That’s the fucking hitman’s quirk.” Mitsuko ignores you when you tell her to shut up. “My guess is, Over-fuck knew he could fix whatever his hitman did when he got ahold of her. Him fixing it wasn’t an option. So I used the kid.”
“I owe you.” Tomura is still scratching, and now he’s focused on you. “They knew where you were. They’ve known since we made the alliance. It – fuck!”
“Hey, keep it down,” Spinner calls anxiously. “You’re scaring the kid.”
“Her temperature is 40 degrees,” Ryuhei adds.
Shit. “We need to table this,” you say to Tomura. His eyes flash. “That girl is really sick. It’s not safe for her to stay here, and I can’t help her the way she needs. She has to go to people who can help her.”
“The heroes? Fuck that.”
“She has to,” you say again. “They can help her. We can’t.”
“What makes you think they’ll do anything?” Tomura’s expression twists. One of his nails digs deep into the side of his neck and pulls up blood, and just like you did before, you cover his neck with your hand. “They won’t give a shit. They didn’t when it was – when –”
He breaks off. You wait, and he looks away. “Forget it.”
“They’re running her name and picture on the news,” Mitsuko says. “They care about what happens to her, and you all are in enough trouble without another kidnapping on your record. They’ll look for you twice as hard.”
Tomura’s fingernails scrape lightly across the back of your hand before his hand comes to rest over yours, index finger raised. “I’m not just dumping her on the street.”
“You won’t be,” you promise. “I’ll take her to the police station. I can say I found her wandering around –”
“So they’ll think we just dumped her on the street.”
“Or that she got away somehow. I don’t know.” You don’t have time for this. “Her fever’s high enough that she might not remember anything. If she does, she’ll remember we didn’t hurt her. That we took care of her while she was with us. She’ll know we aren’t him.”
Tomura’s shoulders relax slightly. It matters to him to be better than Overhaul. It matters to you, too. “Hang on,” Dabi says from where he’s leaning against the wall. “Maybe we shouldn’t send Saintess to drop the kid off. She’s had one run-in with the Hassaikai already, and the police already know about it. Her turning up with the kid is too big of a coincidence. Inada should be the one.”
“Two run-ins. Overhaul sent somebody here for her.” Tomura’s hand tightens around yours. “Her identity’s compromised. When we leave this time, she’s coming with us.”
Your stomach drops. “The kid trusts her,” Tomura continues. “And she’s a nurse. It’ll look like we left the kid by the clinic or something.”
“Why does it matter where we drop the kid off?”
“So we don’t end up looking worse than they do,” Tomura snaps. “What’s the point of revealing their hypocrisy if we just throw someone away?”
It’s quiet for a second. “Wait until nightfall, then,” Dabi says shortly. “So we can at least keep a lid on the number of people who see Saintess wandering around carrying a missing kid.”
“She’s sick,” Spinner says. “Doesn’t she need help as soon as possible?”
“Not if it gets us caught!”
You’re on Spinner’s team here. “What if Compress uses his quirk on me and Eri both? Then he can bring us near the police station, so we won’t have to walk as far and risk getting spotted. We won’t even show up on camera until we’re right there.”
“What kind of distance can you release your quirk from?” Tomura asks Compress, who shrugs. “If it’s far enough, you can give the sphere to Inada or Sasegawa to carry.”
That’s the plan they settle on, eventually. Compress will use his quirk on you and Eri, Mitsuko will carry you both to the police station and text when she’s there, and Compress will deactivate his quirk from a distance. Eri’s breathing is raspy. You need to hurry. You roll her up carefully in the blanket, making sure she doesn’t touch you. “The puppy,” she mumbles. “Can I keep him?”
“Of course,” you say. You were too old for it, and you don’t need a keepsake of Tenko when you have the real thing. “He’ll take good care of you as long as you take good care of him. Are you ready to go?”
She nods. You pick her up. Rolled in the blanket like this, she’s unwieldy but light. You turn to face Compress. “Okay, let’s do this. We –”
You get compressed mid-sentence, and the next thing you know, you’re standing in an alleyway a block and a half from the police station, face to face with Mitsuko. “Be careful,” she says. She looks pissed, and you’re not sure why. “Look, me and Ryuhei are activating the sleeper thing right after this, and you’re going with them. We’re not going to see each other for a while.”
Oh. “I’m going to miss you,” you tell her. Mitsuko laughs. “They still don’t know my face. We’ll see each other.”
“We’d better.”
“Keep an eye on Yoshimi for me,” you continue. “And Kazuo. I worry about them.”
“We all do,” Mitsuko says. “And now we have to worry about you, too.”
You feel a surge of guilt, one that melts into bemusement when Mitsuko leans in and plants a kiss on your lips. “Go on. I’ll see you around, Saintess.”
Saintess. That’s your name now, isn’t it? It’s the one everyone’s going to use. Mitsuko leaves the alley first, heading in one direction. You stand still and watch her go, watching a piece of the life you had before disappear around the corner. Then you adjust your grip on Eri and aim for the police station.
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ador3sturniolo · 11 months
Text
Stargirl
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An - omg I feel like I haven’t posted in a year what. Okay so earlier this week I went to a hockey game, and something happened while I was there and I wanted to write a fic about it. And I wanted to do Nate because I love Nate, and we need more Nate fics out there asap. And the song has nothing to do with the fic, it was the song I kept playing while writing this 😭
Paring - Nathan Doe X FemReader
Summary - You go to one of Nate’s hockey games
Warnings - Kissing, NOT PROOFREAD
Requested - Nope
ALSO YALL, I FIRST WROTE THIS IN THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER SO THERE WILL BE HALLOWEEN THEMED THINGS HERE, SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPLOAD
I hadn’t realize how late I had slept in until I heard my alarm go off more than 30 times, most of which I had just sleep through. I check the time and see it’s a little past 3. Shit. I had so much to do and had it all planned out. I was to clean my house, get a gift for Nate, go grocery shopping, and decorate for fall. I’ll just eat some food while I’m out but right now, I need to clean up my place. I have u til 6:30 to get everything done on my list. Considering Nate’s game starts at 7.
I clean my house, lighting candles and turning on fairy lights I have setup around my house. I take a quick shower and put on my freshly clean clothes. I do a slick back bun, not trying to do anything fancy. I get into my car and make a quick stop at Starbucks to get a drink. I also did an online order for my favorite lunch place in town so it’s ready for pickup when I get there. I pickup my lunch and eat in my car as I drive to target. I put my Starbucks in the cup holder of my cart and push it too the food section.
I grab my list of food and start putting it in my cart. I decided to grab some cookie dough for me and Nate to back after his game. I go over to the floral section and grab a bag of white, blue, and purple pair and place it in my cart. I’m on my way towards check out when I spot the cutest pair of matching pj sets. There was a vampire, pumpkin, and ghost option. They were all so cute but I decided to get the ghost ones. I check out and go home to eat dinner and decorate.
I decided to make something, quick, easy, and delicious. I play my fall playlist as I grab my last year bin full of pumpkins, signs, pillows and blankets. It only takes me around 30 minutes considering I cleaned earlier. I looked at the time, with not much time left I had to get ready. I put the totes back and head to my room. I put on a pair of leggings and his hockey jersey that he gave me. I take out my hair and do two French braids. I take some face paint type makeup I have and write his number on my cheek.
I put on my shoes and grab his flowers and teddy I bought him earlier that week. I grab a blanket so I don’t get cold at the rink. I drive to the rink in only 10 minutes. I head inside and get a ticket. I’m greeted inside by the triplets. They all look over at me and walk my way.
“Finally, we’ve been waiting for like 5 hours” Nick says rolling his eyes
“Nick, we got here 5 minutes ago-“ Matt chimed in
“Oh hush.” Nick says, crossing his arms, clearly annoyed.
“I’m so excited to watch my boyfriend play!” Chris says clapping his hands. Nick, Matt and I slowly turn towards Chris, giving him a confused look.
“Fine, I can’t wait to watch her boyfriend play” Chris says sarcastically but rolling his eyes.
“That’s what I thought.” I say pushing Chris a little bit jokingly. We all walk to the rink, getting a rush of cold air as the door opens. I could feel goosebumps approaching my skin. I wrap the blanket around my shoulders and sit down with the triplets. We sat and waited for the game to start. It only took a couple scrolls on insta before the players came walking out of the locker room and onto the ice to warmups. It wasn’t hard for me to find him, considering I had his number imprinted into my brain. Before I the warmups ended, I went to the snack bar and got myself a water and chips for me and the triplets. I head back just in time for the game to start. We all stand up and start to cheer, like the rest of the crowd. I only had my eye on one player the whole time. Every time he scored a point and I would jump up and down and scream for him. The three looked at me like I was insane but I didn’t care.
The game was over and Nate’s team won! We all wait for Nate outside of the locker room to finish up, but before he comes out I need to use the restroom. I come back not too long and see the brothers talking to a man I wanted to hug the first I saw him on the ice. He noticed me and started walking towards me. I ran up to him and gave him a hug.
“You did great tonight, I’m so proud of you.” I say giving him a peck on the lips.
“And these are for you.” I handed him the flowers and teddy bear, he then looked up at me with a smile that would make my heart melt.
“Thank you so much baby.” He said as he went to the side of me and wrapped his arm around my waist. He turned back and waved to the brothers as he started to walk with me out of the building. I help him load his things into my car, and we get inside the car after.
“So I had a really fun night planned out for us, but if you don’t want to do it, that’s okay and we can do something else.”
“It’s whatever makes you happy my love” I couldn’t help but blush at his words.
“So, my house is all decorated and I had candles going so it smells really good in there, and the house is clean so a bonus! And I was thinking we could make cookies and watch a movie together? And there’s also a surprise with that.” I say almost out of my seat from how happy I was.
“If that’s what you wanna do.” He says smiling back at me.
“Of course it’s what I want to do, but I wanted to know if u wanted to do it.” I say turning on my car, pulling out of the parking lot.
“I’m okay with anything you want to do.” He says looking out the window. I smile as I continue to drive back to my place. I pull into my driveway and get out of my car.
“Let’s take showers first tho.” I say unlocking my front door. He nods as I unlock the door and walk in. We take off our shoes at the front and walk to my room where my shower is.
“I’ll go first, I’ll be quick.” I say as I start to take out my hair. I hop in the shower and wash my face, get out, and wrap myself in a towel. I walk out into my room and too my closet, telling him it’s his turn on my way. He gets off the small couch I have in my room and head into the bathroom. I quickly get dressed into the pajamas I just bought for us. I sit down at my vanity and start doing my night skincare. I hear the shower turn off and with Nate walking out with the towel around his waist. He points at the pair of clothes on my bed.
“What’s this?”
“It’s yours, to wear! Tonight! To match with me!” I say turning around, show I’m in the matching set. He gives me a sigh but walks with it into the bathroom to get changed. I do a little clap of achievement, as I turn back around to finish my skincare. I hear the bathroom door open and see him walk out, giving me a sigh and looking down in disappointment.
“Hey! You look amazing! Don’t give me that I hate this energy, it’s supposed to be fun!” I say putting all my things away and getting up.
“I feel so weird in this.” He says throwing his hands like a baby
“Why? You look so cute!” I say walking towards him.
“Can I just take the shirt off? It feels tight.” He says scratching his neck
“Not yet! I wanna take a picture” I say grabbing my phone out. His arm wraps around my waist as I put the mode to 0.5x and turn on the flash. We smoosh our heads together doing a kissy face as I take the picture. I look at the picture to make sure it was okay then I put my phone down.
“Okay, let go make some cookies” I say kissing his cheek and walking out of my room. He follows close behind me. I grab a pack a Pillsbury cookies from the fridge and preheat the oven.
“How about you put on 6, and I put on 6” I say grabbing a tray from my cabinet.
“Good with me” He says giving me a smile
“Can I take my shirt off now?” He says whining
“Fine, Stop acting like a baby” I say as I start to put on my cookies.
We both finish putting on our cookies and put them in the oven. I walk over to my couch and turn on the tv.
“What would you like to watch?” I say looking up at him.
“I don’t know, you pick.” He says sitting down next to me
“Mhm, Corpse Bride? The Nightmare Before Christmas?” I say leaning back and laying my head on his chest
“Corpse Bride, The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie.”
“No it’s not!” I say as I scoff
“It is tho!”
I shake my head and get up to go take the cookies out. I put them on a plate and organize them in a cute way. I bring the plate to the couch along with a blanket.
“Hold the plate while I put the blanket on us.” I say handing him the plate. I sit down, covering our legs and a little bit of my waist. He sets the plate down on the blanket.
“Do you like tonight?” I say putting my head on him again.
“Of course” He says kissing my head. I smile in happiness that I was able to make tonight special.
“I love you” I say lifting my head up.
“I love you more” He says giving me a peck on my lips
—————————————————————
An - OML I AM SO SORRY ML FOR NOT POSTING FOR A MONTH. I KNOW THIS ONE IS BAD BUT I FELT LIKE I NEEDED TO POST SOMETHING OR I CANT FUNCTION RIGHT SO HERE IS THIS 🫶🏼
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beybaldes · 1 year
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I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand
summer sleepover masterlist
jamie tartt x gn!reader
summary : “am i supposed to just let you go?” / “for what it’s worth, i really am sorry”
content warning : technically a part 2 ‘I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t,’ can be read stand alone, more protective!roy and bestfriend!colin, Jamie’s past is held against him and it hurts his feelings because he has changed, two uses of yn, jamie being clueless, angstyish
an : can you tell I’m obsessed with Taylor’s music? Better man is one of the best vault tracks to exist fight me I listened to it the whole time writing this fic.
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Christmas and New years come and go and when the first day back at the dog track comes around you’ve almost forgotten about Jamie entirely.
You haven’t spent a single minute of the holidays thinking of him, and yet, he’s spent every single minute of it thinking about you. In no more then 10 seconds, you’d shattered whatever hope he’d had left that maybe, just maybe, he could heal things over between the two of you. And even after that, you’d still wished him a merry Christmas. He was going to get fucking whiplash if things carried on like this.
It was exactly that which had brought him to Keeley’s doorstep at 6am on New Year’s Day. Roy answers the door and he’s still in what he assumes is lasts nights clothes. Even though Roy doesn’t particularly like Jamie, not after what he did to you, he knows Jamie wouldn’t show up here without reason, so he invites him in. He guides Jamie through to the living room and says he’s going to get Keeley but that they’ll be right back. Jamie knows he must look rough if Roy wants to sit in on the conversation too.
There’s glitter on the floor after the party Jamie wasn’t invited to. He’s knows you were here last night. You may still have him blocked on everything, but Colin doesn’t, and fuck, does Colin love posting you. Posting pictures of you all dressed up for the new year, looking perfect as ever, posting videos of the two of you on his story, taking shots together or dancing ridiculously around Keeley’s living room. Part of him knows that in another life, one where he had been a better man sooner, it would’ve been him in Colin’s place; dancing with you at a party, sharing drinks with you, and if he was really lucky, maybe even sharing a kiss at midnight.
“Jamie! Hi! Hey! What are- what are you doing here, babe?” Jamie can tell she’s just as surprised as Roy was to find him here, but that doesn’t deter him from why he came. He knows there’s only one way that he can become a better man, and that’s by trying. “Here, have a pillow.”
Keeley makes sure each of them have a bright, pink pillow in their laps before she encourages Jamie to talk, leaning forward across her own pillow to show Jamie she’s really listening. Even Roy seems open to hearing him out, stretching his arms out across the back of Keeley’s sofa.
“I need to know how I can make things better with yn.”
“Oh, fuck off.” Jamie’s barely got his words out when Roy’s growled at him and Keeley’s smacked Roy in his chest. He takes her hand gently in his and holds it in his lap and Jamie almost winces at the sweet nothingness of the action. “I mean, they’ve told you to leave them alone, so, leave them alone.” Jamie thinks Roy’s changed too, until a mere second later, he lets out the fakest cough known to mankind. “Prick.”
“Oi, I didn’t come here to get bullied by a pensioner, I came here for actual advice.” And just like that Jamie had slipped back into the shell of the person he’d been trying to leave behind. People like Roy made it all too easy, picking on his weak spots with the smallest of words, and causing all his progress to come crashing down.
“What Roy means…” Keeley interrupted, breaking up the bickering before it could ever even really begin. “Is that you made your bed Jamie, now you’ve got to lie in it. If they don’t want to forgive you, or most on from the past, then that’s their choice. You can’t force anyone to forgive you.”
“But everyone else has.” Jamie whined, head thrown back against one of Keeley’s many throw pillows as he took to lying on the settee instead. “I don’t understand why they won’t. I’m trying so…” Jamie paused, sucking in a long breath. He was trying so hard to be better and he couldn’t say that because strong men didn’t need to be better, strong men didn’t want to change for the people they loved. The smaller voice, the one that grew a little louder day in and day out, said the opposite; strong men do change for the people they love, they apologise and they acknowledge their mistakes (even when it hurts to do so). “I just don’t get why they won’t forgive me when almost everyone else has.”
“Did you happen to forget that, out of everyone, yn is the one you actually, literally, cheated on?” Silence fell over Keeley’s living room for the first time in almost 24 hours, and Jamie was sure he’d never heard something so loud in his life. “That maybe, more then anything, more then an apology, what they want is for you to explain why you did what you did?”
“No one wants to know why.” Jamie scoffed, thinking of the multiple apologies he’d make to partners in his lifetime. Each and everyone wanted an apology, he would give it to them, they’d fuck one last time, and then break up on ‘mutual’ terms claiming that it was ‘for the best’. Obviously, he didn’t want things to go like that with you, he wanted to really apologise and for you to really forgive him, and then for the two of you to work on building a friendship between the two of you. But that didn’t mean he’d ever have expect you to want to know why he did what he did. “They want an apology, and for you to seem sorry, and then that’s usually it.”
Keeley eyed him suspiciously, eyes like daggers in a way unusual and unnerving to Jamie. “You don’t know why you did it, do you?”
Jamie can feel Roy’s hand curl into a fist from across the room and he’s sure that if he was any closer he’d be able to hear his blood boiling. “No.” Jamie answers instantly and honestly. “No. I don’t. That’s just who I was then.”
“That’s bullshit.” Roy’s been speaking more then Keeley has and Jamie’s wishing he’d come over for the help at a different time. “You had a year? Two years? To come up with a reason, and that’s all you’ve got?”
Jamie wants to argue. It’s his instinct to argue. To get in some brutal back and forth debating which of them was right about the matter, ultimately say something he shouldn’t, and upset Keeley by upsetting Roy just so he can get out of the conversation. The smaller voice inside his head that’s getting louder tells him the right thing to do, the thing a good man would do, is be honest. So that’s what he does. “They really cared about me, more then anyone ever had, yeah?” Jamie sits up on the sofa, leans his elbows against his knees and hangs his joined hands between his open legs, pulling at his fingers. “Do you know how scary that is? Everyone who was supposed to care about me just ends up hurting me. So, I beat them to it. Hurt them before they can hurt me.”
Keeley and Roy try and get more out of Jamie but he decides he’s been vulnerable enough today and that he has a lot to think about. He spends the remainder of his time off before the season begins again hiding in his bedroom, and thinking about what he did wrong like a told off child.
He decides that on the first day back at the dog track, he’s going to explain everything to you. He’s going to fully embody the better man he’s been trying to become, the man he knows, that once upon a time you knew, he could be.
Thankfully, you have a very peaceful first day back at the dog track. Colin and Isaac come and eat lunch in your office with you, Will hangs around throughout the afternoon helping you with some errands, and Roy brings you coffee at 4 when he knows he’s heading out for the day but you’ve still got some work to do. You’ve barely taken a sip of the saving grace when Jamie enters your office and locks the door behind him. You simply ignore him, continuing to tap away on your laptop and blocking out the image of his puppy dog eyes from your brain.
“Look, can we just talk, yeah?” It seemed Jamie had a way of making you angry by even suggesting he had a right to your time; you stopped typing even though you didn’t mean to. “I want to apologise, and explain, and even if we can’t be friends again, I just don’t want things to be weird anymore.”
“And who’s fault is it that things are weird?” You asked, closing your laptop and leaning back in your chair, creating as much space between the two of you as possible.
“I know, mine, just let me talk, yeah?” Jamie knew he had to get the words out before you interrupted him again or he’d never say them, never give you the explanation Roy had explained, and Jamie had come to understand, you deserved. “I hurt you because I didn’t want you to hurt me. You know what my dads like, what the other people I’ve dated have been like, and every single one of them leaves. And you didn’t, and you didn’t look like you were going too either.” Jamie took a deep breath, holding his own hands to stop them from shaking. “That was so scary, to me, to have someone care about me like that. And, I don’t know, my brain made me think, like, that you were just waiting to hurt me sooner or later, so I should hurt you first.”
You’d fallen completely silent and it entirely unnerved Jamie. All of it made too much sense and a part of you felt so bad for the way you’d acted these past few months. However, you also knew that while Jamie’s insecurities was an explanation to why he did what he did, that it wasn’t an excuse.
“And I couldn’t just break up with you, because I didn’t want to, and I know my actions might not have show it, but I really loved you. And, yeah, I should’ve talked about it instead of sleeping with someone else and getting you to end things, but I didn’t know how to do that back then.” Jamie sucks in a shaky breath and a part of you yearns to hug him, to tell him to not get worked up about it, but you stay in your seat. “And it fucking sucked because I got what I wanted. And I felt so good about it, that you’d hurt me by breaking up with me and that I’d been right, and then I just felt sad.” For the first time since entering your office, Jamie looks at you. “And I just wanted to let you know, that it was never your fault that I did it, it was mine.”
A long silence took over the office, neither you nor Jamie speaking or even breathing as you took in the weight of the words just said to you. Everyone had been telling you for months now that Jamie had changed and you’d been so adamant it was a ruse, but here he was, pouring his heart out to you with the best apology you think he’s ever given, and proving he was a better man.
You stood from your chair, grabbed your bag and half drunk coffee, and tucked the chair under the desk. As you grabbed your laptop and notebook to take home with you, you finally spoke up. “Thank you for explaining Jamie, you don’t know how good it is to hear that after everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jamie brow creased and he moved to step closer to the door, stopping you from leaving immediately. “What? So, that’s it?” When you didn’t answer, Jamie took a step forward, reaching his hand out for yours and finding himself surprised when you didn’t push him away. “Am I supposed to just let you go?”
“You know, Jamie, I missed you every minute of every day for the first 8 months, and then I just wished you had been better.” You squeezed his hand gently and for a moment Jamie felt like he’d woken up from some bad dream and he was still where he was 2 years ago. “And then, I woke up one day, and I didn’t think of you at all.” Jamie knew he’d been a dick, he knew he’d hurt you in a way no one deserved to be hurt, he knew you loved him and he pushed that love away like you’d been offering him a loaded gun instead of the key to your heart. “You would’ve been the one if things had been different, but they weren’t different. And that’s okay, but that means you need to let me go.”
Jamie felt sick to his stomach, god, he couldn’t imagine anything worse to happen to him, and yet, he’d done it all to himself. “Im always going to love you, J.” For 2 years Jamie had imagined you saying those exact words to him, forgiving him for his mistakes and turning things back to how they used to be. It shouldn’t be breaking his heart to hear what he’d hoped, and dreamt, and spent sleepless nights praying for.
Jamie let you leave then, stepping away from the door with a downcast look across his face, and finally pulling himself away from your touch. What if he never got to touch you so softly again? What if this was the last time he ever heard you tell him you loved him? What if this was the last time you let him in your door? “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”
“I know Jamie, I am too.” You took a step forward, but not towards the door, wrapping your arms gently around Jamie, humming against his neck when his fingers clawed into your shirt and his lips trembled against your temple. “I am too.”
You left your office together and walked Jamie to his car, you said no when he offered you a lift home and he didn’t beg you to accept it. Even if you had said yes, you doubted he knew the drive from the dog track to your new place, and you didn’t want to hurt him more by letting him find out he didn’t know you like he knew the back of his hand anymore.
Tomorrow morning the team will be surprised by the fact you say good morning to everyone including Jamie, but for right now, alone in the empty Nelson Road car park, Jamie finally gets it, and he finally mourns the love he once lost.
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jessicaloons · 1 year
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Chapter 10:
You been stressed out lately. Yeah, me too…
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"Take care, ma belle!" I said and she nodded.
"We will text every day!" she said and I smiled, as best as I could.
"Pinky promise?" I looked her in the eyes.
"Pinky promise!" she blushed a little.
After one last kiss on her forehead she walked to the car and got in, then opened the window.
"Good luck in Portimaõ, Charlie bear!" she said with that beautiful smile that made my knees go weak. JK started the car and they drove off. I walked on the streets, watching as the car turned left. And she was gone. I don’t know how long I stood there, as someone said my name.
"Charles? What are you doing in the middle of the road?" Joris asked and I turned around "Get off there, mate!"
"I was saying goodbye to Lizzie." I swallowed hard and walked back to my house, Joris following me.
"Oh… I see. It’s good for her, I guess? She wasn’t having it the easiest here, right?" he said and I looked at him a little confused.
"What do you mean?" I asked and he just shrugged his shoulders as we stepped into the elevator.
"Well, it was loud, busy, she couldn’t catch a break outside." he said hastily and I eyed his expression. In the last months I had more than once the feeling that Joris wasn’t completely honest with me, that he was hiding something. And not just him, also Riccardo, Marta and even Arthur. But I couldn’t grasp what.
"You sure that’s it?" I asked again and Joris closed his eyes for a moment "Joris?"
"There’s a video. From you and Lizzie. On your boat… when Lizzie had a little problem with… you know…" he began and my eyes widened. I knew exactly what he meant "Yeah, well anyways, someone filmed it and put it on Instagram… she saw it…"
"When was this? And why haven’t you told me that?" I was mad.
"On Friday, that’s why she asked us to not talk about it. She didn’t want to ruin your birthday…" he said and I scoffed. That’s so typical for her.
"That’s why she was coming back from the toilet looking like she cried? Not because it was all too much? It was because of that video!" I said and Joris nodded "Great. And no one told me. Were there some more posts like that over the last months?"
"Umm… yeah. A few more…" Joris admitted and I stormed out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. As Joris walked in and closed the door I was already sitting on the sofa, looking through Instagram.
"Show me, the accounts, the videos, everything…" I insisted and he shook his head "Joris! Show me!"
"Charles, it won’t help Lizzie at all if you see them, there were really mean ones and she was relieved that you didn’t know about them. So please, don’t look at them now!" Joris pleaded and I looked for it myself, searched for Lizzie’s name as a hashtag, but after a couple of minutes I put my phone down. They were putting her down, bashing her, it wasn’t just a bunch of sexist comments that she’s overrated and compared to "real" drivers she wouldn’t stand a chance, no, there were fan accounts taking everything she was doing apart, the way she dressed, the jokes she made, the way she behaved, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Other’s were comparing her with Camille and how much prettier and well fitting Camille was for me. Which was ridiculous, Camille was pretty, no doubt, but Lizzie’s beautiful, natural, simply gorgeous. And in what way did Lizzie behave wrong? I read through some comments and they were all just nasty.
"So this has been going on for the last year?" I said after I had composed myself.
"Yeah… once I found out about it I confronted her, but you know her! She was playing it down, saying she didn’t care about it. She just wanted me to not tell you about it, because it was a little embarrassing, her words not mine, and she didn’t want you to see that…" Joris sighed.
"This stops now. I will post something." I said and picked up my phone again.
"Charles, don’t do that! These haters will blow up her phone as soon as whatever you’re planning to do is out… she’s away from it all now, she can heal! So let her do that in peace!" he pleaded and I looked at him for a while.
"I hate it when you’re right…" I mumbled and leaned back "She will be okay, right? Lizzie? She will get over all of this bs and… she’ll be the old Lizzie again?” My old Lizzie.
"I think so…" Joris answered and plopped down next to me "It’s going to be good for her, focusing on herself without… without any other thoughts."
"Yeah, she needs that now." I said and nodded. I wanted nothing more than for her to recover, not just physically, but also mentally, because as it seemed there was a lot of damage as well. I was mad at her for not telling me. But on the other hand, it was typical for her, always putting anyone else first before thinking about herself. She was the most selfless person I’ve ever known and most of the time she was this selfless because of me. That’s why it hurt even more reading her post in the evening. I knew that she was playing it down how she felt, but I didn’t know that it was this bad. How couldn’t I see it? How couldn’t I see how bad the last weeks, no the last year, was for her mental health? Maybe I should’ve focused more on her…
"So, have you thought about it?" Camille asked and I looked up at her confused "Us, moving in together?"
"Umm… well, no, not really. Sorry, there’s just so much going on right now, you know? Lizzie, the race tomorrow, the media, I just… I just hadn’t had the time to do so!" I said and Camille rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, we’ll you should focus on the race tomorrow, that’s the only important thing right now…" she sounded mad, I nodded absently and she sighed and got up "I’ll take a shower, you’re coming with me? Charles?"
"Huh? Oh, no, no I gotta go and see Andrea…" I lied and scrambled up.
"Why?" Camille asked.
"I feel a little tense in my shoulder blades, I want him to take a look…" I grabbed my phone and key card "Don’t wait up…" I left the room and leaned against the wall. Why couldn’t she stop talking about moving in together? We’re not even dating for a year!
I pushed the button for the elevator and as the door opened I stepped in without looking.
"Charles? Are you okay?" I looked up at Sebastian "You’re a little pale?"
"Umm… yeah, I just- I just… I don’t even know what to say." I mumbled and leaned against the elevator.
"Where were you going?" he asked me and I shrugged my shoulders "Alright, then I guess you’re coming with me."
The elevator doors opened and we were one floor above mine. I followed Seb and as he opened up the door to his hotel room he gesticulated for me to walk in first.
"Look, Daddy is back!" I heard Hanna say in German as Seb closed the door behind me.
Emilie and Matilda ran up to us but stopped abruptly.
"Girls, say hi to Charles!" Seb said and they smiled at me, both a little shy "Oh come on, you’ve seen him before!" he picked up Matilda and walked further into the room, signaling me to follow him. As we entered the lounge area of his suite Hanna got up from the sofa, carrying little Philipp, and gave me a little side hug.
"Hi Charles, what a pleasant surprise!" she smiled at me and sat back down "Come on, sit down!"
"I don’t want to interrupt or anything!" I said, now I was the one being a little shy.
"Oh no, you’re not interrupting! We’re just watching a movie before the kids go to bed." Hanna said and the girls started to protest.
"Nooo! Can’t we watch another movie?"
"Pleeeeeaaaaseeee!"
"No, we said one movie! And I even got you ice cream!" Seb said and gave the girls each a bowl of ice cream who sat down on the floor at the coffee table, then he sat one bowl down in front of me and Hanna and took the sleeping boy out of his mums arms "I won’t tell anyone, I promise." he winked at me and I laughed.
"Thanks!" I chuckled and took the bowl "So, what are we watching?" I looked at the girls and Matilda looked up.
"Frozen! Do you know it?" she asked me excitedly and I nodded "We just started, so you didn’t miss anything!"
"That’s good! I don’t want to miss all the good parts!" I said and she laughed, then she pressed play.
After a while Emilie got up and plopped down in between her parents and Matilda looked up at the slightly full sofa, she then looked at me and decided to scooch in next to me in the big armchair I occupied. Seb looked over and smiled at me as I was adjusting my arm so the little girl was leaning comfortably on me.
As the end credits rolled, I looked down and Matilda yawned and slowly sat up.
"You’re a nice pillow!" she chuckled a little and I laughed.
"Thank you! I think that is the best compliment I’ve ever got!" I said and she smiled.
"Alright girls, come on, time for bed!" Hanna got up and extended her hands for the girls to take "Say good night to Daddy and Charles. Come on now!" Both girls hugged Seb carefully who gave both his daughters a kiss on the cheek, then Emilie walked up to me.
"Good night, Charles." she whispered, still a little shy.
"Good night, Emilie." I smiled at her and she grabbed her mum's hand.
"Good night, Charlie!" Matilda hugged me and then walked to her mum as well.
"Good night, Matilda!" I laughed and watched them disappear into the attached bedroom.
"I think Emilie has a little crush on you!" Seb chuckled and I blushed a little "She talks a lot about you, when you’re not around, of course." he looked at me for a moment "So, why were you wandering around, looking like you’ve seen a ghost? Not knowing where to go?"
"I needed a bit of time away from… from my girlfriend…" I confessed quietly and he just nodded.
"I get that, sometimes I need a little breather as well, I mean especially now with the kids." he said and I looked up "Yeah, it gets kinda loud at times. I mean, I can’t always bribe them with ice cream and Disney movies."
"Probably not, no!" I laughed.
"So, I need a breather because I have now 3 little monsters running around, you need a breather because of your girlfriend…?" he looked at me and I sighed.
"She’s just a little clingy at the moment and wants us to move in together… but I…" I exhaled deeply, contemplating my next words.
"But you’re in love with Lizzie and you don’t know what to do?" I looked at him with wide eyes "Oh come on, Charles. The way you look at her? Talk about her? The way your face lights up whenever someone else talks about her? How you smile when you’re texting with her? I think the only person on this planet who doesn’t know about your feelings for her is Lizzie herself! And that’s because she’s just as oblivious as you!"
"Is it really that obvious?" I asked and Seb laughed.
"Well kinda. But I’m glad that you at least don’t deny it." he answered and I laughed now.
"I tried to, for years. But no, not anymore…" I said and Seb nodded.
"That’s good, but, with all due respect, why are you dating Camille then? I mean I only talked once with her and she seemed to be nice, but still?" Seb asked and I swallowed hard.
"Lizzie and I are… she’s- umm she’s the most important person for me, she was always by my side and just the sheer thought of losing her? Because she doesn’t feel the same? Or even if she feels the same, it’s not working out somehow? I think, no I know, that I couldn’t survive it!" I explained and Seb looked at me for a while.
"I think it’s clear as day that she loves you as well. But maybe she has the same fears? So I think you should just tell her. And break up with that girlfriend of yours that you’re clearly not loving. It’s not fair to her and for yourself." he said and I nodded slowly.
"Maybe, but for now Lizzie has to focus on herself. She needs to focus on her recovery. I promised her I would do anything to help her get into F1. So she needs to be ready when I finally and miraculously keep that promise." I said determined and Seb nodded.
"Yeah, about that… you don’t know about it from me… but back when I was driving for BMW Sauber, one of the managing engineers there was Felix Bayer. He’s heavily involved in the upcoming Audi F1 team… we stayed in touch over the years. And it looks like we might see them way earlier on the grid than we all thought." Seb was smirking a little.
"Do you think they would consider Lizzie?" I asked excitedly and Seb nodded slowly.
"They want a young driver and an experienced one. And they want one German driver. Do you still have all of your old videos from karting? Perfect. Maybe someone should edit a little application video for Lizzie, highlighting her abilities and strengths. And then maybe someone should send it to Felix…" Seb raised his eyebrows.
"Maybe someone should do that!" I answered.
"She’s already on their radar, but you know, a little advertising never killed anybody." he chuckled.
"She is?" I asked.
"Since last season… but they’re a little worried about her recovery though… I said to Felix that if anyone can do it, then it’s Lizzie." Seb stated and I nodded.
"That is true." I smiled, thinking about our dream of both driving in F1 might be coming true. Finally. "Alright. I leave you to it." I said and got up, as Seb wanted to get up as well I just shook my head "No, stay. He looks so relaxed. Don’t wake him. I’ll find my way out alone." he nodded and leaned back down.
"Good night, Charles. Rest up well for tomorrow!" he said and smiled at me.
"Good night, Seb! You too!" I walked to the door but stopped and turned around "And Seb? Thank you! For everything! I will miss you next season. A lot."
"I’m still on the grid, kiddo, you can always come to me, no matter what!" he said and I smiled.
"Thank you." I left.
P4. Not the worst result. But still no win. Not even a podium. Camille left already and I was sitting in my drivers room. Calming myself down a little. The media was asking me only about Carlos today, how I felt with him being so good as he’s going to be my new team mate. The internet made it only worse. All the comments about how he will dominate me next season, how he will be the clear number 1 driver. That all was still in my head as Lizzie called and I tried my best to hide it from her, I failed, as always. She just knew me too well.
"You shouldn’t look so relieved when your girlfriend tells you she won’t come to the race track because she’s sick?" Andrea said as I hung up with Camille.
"I’m not! It’s just, it’s better like this for her if she’s sick! I don’t want her to come if she’s not feeling well!" I said and Andrea just shook his head.
"Sure, if you say so." he mumbled and waited for me to get back into position "How is Lizzie doing?"
"She’s good. Being in Switzerland seems to really help her…" I answered and he smiled.
"She’s one of the strongest people out there, that’s why you and her are this close!"
"Because she’s so strong?"
"No, because you’re both strong. But I know that she helped you through a lot and I think you and her are good for each other. It’s like you’re soulmates, so yeah…"
"I get it."
"Let’s get you into your car."
I closed my eyes for a moment and focused on the silence as someone tapped on my shoulder.
"Seb?" I was confused.
"Look over in the box!" he said and I turned my head.
Lizzie. Smiling and waving at me. Here in Monza to support me. I smiled and closed the visor.
The whole race I thought about her, how I wanted nothing more than to make her proud so when I jumped out the car after finishing on the podium, I walked over to my team as I saw her standing a bit away from them. I ran up to her, picked her up, hugged her tight to me and twirled her around. She was here because of me. Interrupting her recovery for me. Why was she so perfect.l?
Lizzie and I talked the entire ride back into the alps, JK in the car in front of us stopped in front of a cozy looking house. And I parked next to his car. Lizzie, almost half asleep, got out of the car, stretching a little. She grabbed my hand and pulled me with her.
"Come on, we’re just in time to see the sunrise!" she said and we sat down on the porch. Her head on my shoulder. After a while I heard her breathing even out and realised she fell asleep. I gently picked her up and JK showed me the way to her room where I laid her down, took her shoes and jacket off and tucked her in. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and left her room.
"How is she doing?" I asked JK as I sat down on the sofa and he closed his book.
"She’s doing good, she’s headstrong, that’s good, she really powers through the recovery… at least the physical one." he said and sat up "There is a lot of trauma hidden behind her smile, a lot of anxiety, fear. I need to figure out how I can get that out of her."
"She’s not opening up? I thought you guys were really close?" I asked him and he chuckled.
"We are close, I have to admit, with none of my other patients before I bonded this fast. And she confides in me with a lot of things… but there are things she’s keeping to herself, issues we need to tackle otherwise we won’t progress." he answered.
"How can I help? You want me to try and talk to her?" I offered and JK sighed.
"There is something you can do, please listen to me, you won’t like what I’m about to say, but bear with me, okay? You and Lizzie share more than just a normal bond, it’s more than friendship. Your emotions are almost tied to one another as it seems. In the week after your race in Portimaõ? She was demotivated, in a foul mood, always thinking about you, how you sounded in this message, or on this call… she’s focusing too much on you instead of herself. And that is at her given state suboptimal. And it’s also not really healthy for you, thinking constantly about her recovery instead of focusing on your races!" he explained and I waited for him to continue "What I’m saying is, you both need to focus on yourself. And I think in order to do that, we should restrict your contact, don’t give me that look, please wait, tell her the things she needs to know. I’m back in Maranello, back home, I’m in Turkey now. That’s it. Whatever she’s texting you, don’t reply. No matter how many times she’s calling you. Don’t answer your phone. I know it sounds hard, believe me it will be hard for her when the one person she always confides in, the one person who is the most important one, cuts her out like that. And that’s what I need. l need her to break. As soon as she lets all the negativity and thoughts that consume her right now go, I will be able to help her mentally as well. But she has to open up. And she’s not doing it on her own, so I have to push her. And this is the fastest way."
"You want me to ghost her? To cut her out completely? She will not just break, JK! She will be devastated! She will hate me! I can’t do that to her! I can’t hurt her like that!" I was shocked by what he asked me to do.
"She won’t hate you! As soon as she’s accepting that we need to do more for her mental health and we’re making progress in this direction, I will tell her the truth! She will be mad, definitely, but she loves you, Charles. She could never hate you! Think about it!" JK got up and left me alone with my thoughts.
Was he right? Was this the way to help her? By breaking her heart? By ghosting her? It will kill me to not be able to talk to her, but this isn’t about me, it’s about Lizzie. And if JK thinks this is the way to help her, then I would do it. I would do everything for her, just how she would do everything for me.
After we took a long walk, we picked up some groceries from a little store in the village and some kids recognised us, it was sweet that they also knew Lizzie and showed her nothing but love, after the comments in the media over the last months this must’ve been a good feeling for her and I was more than happy to take pictures with her and the kids.
"They loved you, ma belle!" I smiled at her as we walked back to the house and saw how her cheeks were turning slightly pink.
"I think they were more interested in you, but they were sweet anyways!" she said and I pulled her into my side.
"They asked you first if you are who they think you are! So I’d say they were quite happy meeting you!" I said and Lizzie just laughed a little.
"Whatever!" she mumbled and the rest of the way we were walking in silence.
JK left me and Lizzie in charge of the toppings and took care of the fire and the dough and after some time geh air was filled with the smell of fire, dough and fresh tomatoes. I didn’t know if it was the pizza itself, the fresh mountain air or Lizzie’s presence, but the pizza tasted better than any pizza I had before. According to Lizzie she felt the same, although she wasn’t showing her appreciation by eating the pizza. I’ve seen in the last weeks that she was eating not much, or sometimes even nothing, but she always said it’s because of the medication she was taking. As JK left, he signaled her to eat more and she just sighed, grabbing another slice although not eating it. Her answer to my question was almost the same as always before, not really hungry, the medications, always full because of JKs superfoods. I knew she was only trying to change the topic when she joked about pineapple on her pizza, but I jumped right in there, asking her if there was something wrong with her brain. The second the words had left my mouth, I regretted them, I apologised, but she wouldn’t let me, saying it was okay, which it wasn’t. How could I say something like this? How stupid was I? After that video? I must’ve hurt her but she hid it, like she always did.
But this time it was different. Usually she would make a bad joke and laugh it off. This time she shushed me with a finger on my lips, looking me deep in the eyes.
"Shhh… stop, please! Stop apologising. It’s fine. I’m fine. Okay?" I nodded slowly, mesmerised by her natural beauty, her eyes sparkling, left index finger still on my lips, right hand on my cheek. So close I could see the grey swirls in her stormy blue eyes. I put one hand on her hip, the other covering hers on my cheek. I closed my eyes, swallowing hard. Every fibre in my body aching for her, screaming at me to finally kiss her, to finally make her mine. I opened my eyes and leaned in closer.
"Good night guys." JK’s voice made us both flinch and pull away from each other. I cleared my throat, feeling the heat rising up my chest into my cheeks, I ruffled my hair looking at her.
"It’s getting late? I think I’ll take a long shower and then go to bed!" she said and yawned.
"Yeah, you go showering, I’ll take care of the dishes!" I nodded and grabbed our plates and glasses and then walked away, at the door I turned around "I’ll put your pizza in the fridge!" I watched her get up and walk inside. My heart was racing. I almost kissed her. And it felt right. Every second of it felt right. My body was craving her. My mind was craving her. It felt so fucking right. But it wasn’t. I wasn’t right. She wouldn’t be so shocked and awkward if it felt right for her as well. I sighed and washed the dishes. I put some cling film over Lizzie’s pizza and put it in the fridge. I leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. Something like this couldn’t happen again. I stood there for another minute as my phone vibrated. Camille. She was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. What I was doing to her wasn’t fair. I should at least try and give her all my love and dedication, like she did to me. But I just couldn’t. It wasn’t her face I wanted to see, waking up in the morning. It wasn’t her I was thinking of before I fell asleep at night. And it certainly wasn’t her I wanted to kiss after a good race. But she was happy. Hurting her just because I am an idiot? That didn’t feel right. But the plan I had, falling in love with her over the course of the last months, forgetting the feelings for Lizzie, didn’t work. Not even in the slightest, a couple of minutes ago clearly showed that. But what else could I do? At least having Camille as girlfriend stopped all of social media to paint me and Lizzie as the perfect couple. Lovers. The questions about us stopped almost completely. That was good. Lizzie thought I was in love with Camille, so she wouldn’t get suspicious, that was good as well. And Camille was happy. She loved the attention she was getting, loved that some brands reached out to her, gifting her designer clothes, jewelry, hand bags. Getting a big Instagram following. At least she got something positive, if I couldn’t love her the way she deserved it. Maybe JK was right. I had to detach myself from Lizzie for some time, not just for her sake, also for mine. My phone vibrated again, this time it was a message from Seb, checking in on how we were doing. I replied to him that we’re alright and walked back into my room. I hoped that tomorrow, Lizzie and I wouldn’t think about what almost happened between us.
"That lake was freezing!" I said as we walked back up to the house and Lizzie next to me only chuckled. What happened last night thankfully didn’t make things awkward.
"You get used to it after some time!" she said and as she took her next step she slipped slightly but before I could react JK held her to his side and she smiled at him "Thanks." she laughed as JK only smiled back and held her close to his side the whole way back.
"Hot shower and then some tea and lunch, I have a new flavour." JK said and Lizzie looked up at him.
"Please no more ginger!" she almost pleaded and JK only laughed.
"Oh come on! It’s healthy!" he laughed and Lizzie just groaned as we stepped on the porch and JK took our wet towels and hung them over the banister and Lizzie and I took off our shoes.
"Oh wait, here you go, princess." JK pulled down her zipper as he walked past her as if it’s the most normal thing to do, it almost seemed natural how he did it. And did he call her princess? I’ve seen that they’ve become really close, but what was going on here? It’s highly unprofessional to flirt with your patient or your therapist. Was it just flirting?
"Charles? You good there bruh?" JK asked and I realised that Lizzie was gone as I looked around "She’s under the shower. Come on, let's get ready for lunch." and with that he walked inside.
Was there something going on between them? And for how long now? I walked in and went to my room as I noticed the door to Lizzie’s room was open, just a crack. I walked past it as I heard JKs voice and I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t help but to spare a glance inside, just to see Lizzie, only with a towel covering her front, standing in front of JK, back turned to him and he was gently stroking her back. I swallowed hard and quietly left. Back in my room I went straight into the shower, getting rid of the wetsuit and standing under the hot water stream. It only made sense that they would start to feel more than just a normal patient/therapist bond. They lived together in this truly romantic place with no TV, bad wifi and almost no service. They only had each other. I wanted Lizzie to be happy, that it was with her therapist, well I guess at least he’s a decent guy. I turned off the water and got out. Dressing up and then checking my phone, 7 missed calls from Camille. I sighed. Lizzie is happy. JK‘s a great guy. I had a girlfriend. It all was good. One last moment to relinquish in the silence and then I called Camille. Feeling absolutely nothing but jealousy.
Leaving her didn’t feel right. Leaving her knowing I wouldn’t be able to call and text her felt worse. The whole drive back to Maranello I thought about Lizzie and JK, I even asked myself if he only wanted me to stop contacting her because he felt threatened by me? Ridiculous. No. I had to trust him on this one. He will focus on Lizzie. I will focus on myself. That was all I could do for now.
Reading all her messages was truly heartbreaking and I hated myself whenever I just swiped them away. Ignoring her calls when I knew that she was probably almost in tears because I didn’t pick up after her sadder getting messages. But I promised JK I wouldn’t contact her, only giving her a head up whenever I traveled somewhere. I was fully focused on my races now. Ignoring Camille mostly, trying to get as much distance between us as possible. I had to figure out how I could break up with her, without breaking her heart. I dreaded it. I tried to keep myself busy, stayed in Maranello and tried to talk to her as little as possible. I was shocked when she stood in front of me in Turkey after the race, hugging me, taking my hand in hers and walking with me back into the Ferrari hospitality.
"I missed you, so I thought, I’d surprise you!" she almost yelled and I forced myself to smile at her.
The next week I spent in Maranello, before I returned home for the weekend to prepare for the last stint of the season. Camille would be gone for the next 3 weeks, a girls trip with her best friends to Mexico and I was more than happy about it. At least like this I didn’t have to feel guilty all the time for not breaking up with her already.
I was just boarding my plane to Bahrain, as my phone buzzed. Lizzie. I wanted to swipe the message away, as I saw the first words of the message: JK told me. I’m not mad… I swallowed and opened the message as soon as I sat down. JK told her everything. She wasn’t mad, she understood, but she was still hurt, especially that it seemed to be so easy for me to cut her out like this. I immediately sent her an answer that it wasn’t easy at all, that it broke my heart reading her desperate messages and not being able to respond. I told her how sorry I was but I just wanted to help her and JK said this was the right way. Before I could wait for an answer I had to switch off my phone. As soon as I landed and switched it on I checked my messages. Nothing. Now she was the one ghosting me.
"What do you mean, you’re not coming home after the last race?" Camille sounded annoyed.
"I’ll have to stay for some tests for the new season, also some tyre tests…" I began but Camille just scoffed.
"Okay, that doesn’t explain why you’re not here until one day before New Year’s Eve?" her voice sounded harsh.
"Camille, I’ll stay here until the 17th, then I fly to Maranello for some simulator work and then I’m celebrating Christmas with my family…" and she interrupted me again.
"And why can’t I celebrate with your family as well? I’m your girlfriend? Why can’t I come wherever you’re celebrating?" she almost shouted.
"Because I can’t invite you to someone else’s home! It’s just a small gathering. We’re not renting out a huge house somewhere! We’re staying at someone’s home." I tried to explain.
"Someone’s home? You’re kidding me, right? You’re fucking kidding me! You go to Lizzie! You’re celebrating our first Christmas together with Lizzie instead of me!" now she was really furious "I can’t believe you! I’m your girlfriend! If you don’t want to stay here and celebrate at home, you should at least invite me! But no! Not when you’re going to Saint Lizzie! I was by your side and supported you last year! Not her! But fine! Celebrate with your holy Lizzie!" and then she hung up. Problem solved. For now.
The last race was done, P13, the tests were done. Tyre tests as well. I made my way to Maranello for some final simulator tests before I would head to Ludwigsburg on Sunday. I was coming back from a break as I heard two Ferrari employees speak about Lizzie being removed from the FDA. I was confused, I knocked on Mattia’s office but he wasn’t inside. One of his assistants told me he was in one of the conference rooms with some Ferrari officials. I thanked her and walked to the conference rooms and glanced through the glass door. Mattia, Massimo Rivola and some officials whose names I didn’t know sat there, discussing something. I knocked and Mattia looked up. He nodded and I stepped in.
"Charles, how can I help you?" he asked and I looked between him and Massimo.
"Is it true?" I asked and Mattia and Massimo exchanged some very guilty looks "You’re kicking Lizzie out of the FDA?"
"Charles, listen, it’s not that easy…" began Massimo but I interrupted him.
"What did she do wrong?" I asked.
"She didn’t do anything wrong, Charles. It’s just that we have only a limited number of spots within the FDA and it’s unfair for the other talented drivers if a spot is taken up by someone who isn’t driving anymore!" Massimo explained.
"But when she comes back and starts driving again? Who will support her then?"
"You mean if she’s driving again?"
"No, when! She’s working so hard on it! She will return and then she will need support and help to get back in! No one will let her drive for them if you drop her!" I had to refrain myself from yelling.
"Charles, we know this means a lot to you. But at the moment, this can’t be our concern anymore." Massimo sighed.
"Can’t be your concern anymore? She almost died! She didn’t do anything wrong! She won 2 championships under your wing! She always highlighted how great you are and how loved and supported she felt! But you just… you just drop her like she’s worth nothing!" I was furious but also desperate, they couldn’t do this to Lizzie.
"We’re sorry, Charles. But the decision is made. The statement will be released in the next hour." Massimo said, his words final.
"Who told her about it?" I asked after a moment.
No answer, only more guilty looks.
"You didn’t even tell her? There will be a statement out and she knows nothing? What the fuck?!" this time I shouted at him and Mattia got up.
"Charles, you're upset, I understand you. We all love Lizzie! But this is business. We have to do what’s best for Ferrari. Please understand. Go now, go home and have a nice winter break. No, Charles. This decision is final." Mattia tried to calm me down.
"Don’t release the statement. Not yet. I’ll see her tomorrow. Let me tell her before she has to find it out through a statement." I pleaded.
"We have an email ready that we wanted to send out before the statement will be released…" Massimo said and I nodded.
"Send it tomorrow in the afternoon, I’ll talk to her before then…" I said and Massimo and Mattia nodded "Merry Christmas." I left the room and walked straight out of the factory. I took a deep breath and got in the car. I decided to leave immediately. The faster I’m leaving, the faster I‘ll be there.
Ludwigsburg. The first time after we left for Monaco she would be home again. The first time in months I would see her family again. And the first time I would see Lizzie again, after our almost kiss. I was nervous. How do you tell your best friend, that you just ghosted for weeks, that she got kicked out of the FDA, because they couldn’t keep her in, occupying a spot without driving for them.
Merry fucking Christmas.
————————————————————————
Little Note:
That's it, chapter 10 is out - writing a whole chapter out of Charles POV was really fun!
Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!
If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!
Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!
Taglist:
@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru
All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram.
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pinkrose787 · 2 months
Text
A Troll By Any Other Name Would Be As Sweet.
Summary: Branch realizes that she's trans. When she goes to tell Poppy, she finds that Poppy has something to tell her too.
Inspired by this post
AO3 Link
After everything with the Bergens, Branch has finally had some time do some introspection on who exactly Branch is.
And the answer is quite surprising.
Branch is a girl.
Looking back it does make a lot of sense. There had been so many signs that she ignored over the years. Like how she never really liked the way she looked in the mirror, how dressing up in suits always made her feel terrible about herself, or how she always felt like her name never really fit her.
For years, she attributed it to her very severe depression. Everything was bad for her emotionally. So, it made sense that she’d hate looking in the mirror and seeing the troll that she had become. Now that things are better, she is finally able to see it for what it really is. Severe gender dysphoria.
All she has to do now is tell everyone.
Which isn’t terrifying at all.
Troll society is generally very accepting of queer trolls. Branch remembers when Floyd came out as gay. Everyone was very supportive of him. There were a few female fans who were distraught. But other than that, no one really made a big deal of it.
Despite this acceptance, there is still this part of Branch that is terrified that she’ll be rejected. That others will look at her and say, “This is too much. She’s too weird.” And have her be outcasted from society again. Right after they had all accepted her back in.
But Branch refuses to let herself live her life in fear again. She’s coming out. 
Poppy is obviously going to be the first person Branch comes out to. For one, she’s the nicest troll ever and if anyone is going to be supportive, it’s her. Two, Poppy is her best friend and she should be the first one to know the truth about her.
Branch stands in front of her pod. She raises her hand to knock on the door. Her hand starts to shake. Every part of her brain is activated like there’s a level 10 threat and she’s miles from her bunker.
She can’t do this.
As she turns around, the door swings open. “Branch! Hey! What’s up!” Poppy says.
Branch stops in her tracks. She turns around. This is the time to do it. There is no turning back. “Hey Poppy.” Branch waves at her. “Can we go inside? There’s something important I need to tell you.”
“Sure! Come on in!” Poppy waves Branch inside.
Branch’s legs feel like jelly as she walks in to Poppy’s pod. The last time she was this nervous around Poppy was when she was all gray and angry. Before the two of them were as close friends as they are now.  
“What do you need to talk about?” Poppy asks.
“Well…” Branch wants to stall. But she won’t. “I want to tell you that I’m trans.”
“What?” Poppy says.
“I’m a girl, not a guy,” Branch says. She thought that Poppy would know what being trans meant given how socially conscious she is.
A wide smile forms on Poppy’s face. “That’s crazy!” She pulls Branch into a big hug. This is the type of reaction that Branch had expected from her. The hug feels so comforting, as Poppy’s hugs always are. “I’m so glad that you told me!”
Poppy releases Branch from the hug, to her slight disappointment. “I actually was going to tell you that I’m trans too!” Poppy says.
“What?” Out of all the responses she expected, that was not one of them.
“Yeah! I realized a couple of weeks ago that I’m a transguy!” he says.
“What?” Branch repeats.  “Really?”
“Yes!” Poppy shouts very enthusiastically. “Have you picked out a new name yet? I haven’t. Nothing that I’ve thought of has really felt right.”
Branch rubs her arms. “Well, I haven’t.” She sighs. “Honestly, I haven’t really given anything about my transition much thought.”
Poppy gasps. “I just had the greatest idea in the history of ideas!”
“What is it?” Branch is dreading whatever he’s about to say. Often times, his “great” ideas end in a massive mess.
“We should switch names!”
“Wouldn’t that be confusing?”
“I don’t see why it would be,” Branch says.
Poppy shrugs. “Alright.”
“Yeah! I’m King Branch now! And you’re Poppy, my best friend!” Branch pulls Poppy into another big hug.
Poppy hugs Branch back. She loves his hugs. She loves him.
“We’ve got to tell everyone!” Branch thinks for a second. He gasps. “I know! We could throw a gender reveal party for ourselves!”
“I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that.” Poppy rubs her arm. “It’s just that telling you took a lot of courage. And I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell anyone else.”
Branch smiles softly. “That’s okay. We can tell everyone when you’re comfortable.”
Poppy sighs. “Yeah. When I’m ready.”
“Until then we could get you a new wardrobe!” Branch takes Poppy’s hand. He takes her over to his closet. “I’ve got lots of dresses that I don’t need anymore and you would look great in.”
Branch goes on and on about helping her with her fashion. Taking out different dresses and talking about how he thinks it will match her style. It’s so sweet. The kindness that Branch is showing her is one of the reasons that she loves him.
This isn’t exactly how Poppy imagined coming out would go. It’s a lot better than she could have ever imagined. Transitioning is scary, but at least she won’t be alone. She’ll have Branch by her side. And she’ll be by Branch’s side for his transition.
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Note
I have suddenly gotten very hyper-fixated on FNF vs Sonic.exe (insert update/ encore) which led to me being back into Sonic and Sonic.exe, Then I found your blog while catching up on 10 years of missed lore and I am over the moon!!! I love the corruption!AU its gorgeous, I just read through everything I could in the tag lol I do have a few questions though- maybe suggestions to stew ups some ideas, just suggestions <3 I saw a post about how did Sonic get infected? My brain went right to "How did The Rot get on the planet? Was it dwelling underground or..." What my brain went to was an astroid and Sonic being Sonic went to check it out, because he's the hero! he has to make sure people are okay! But that made me think? Would Sonic be patient zero? or are there a bunch of others who have turned already? City's are canon within the comics. The Rot wants to infect would it restrain itself? Say like scoping the area, say go out act as normal as possible and observe others, looking for the biggest group of people (family, friends, etc.) strategizing basically? or does it attack first chance? would it be able to use its host's "powers" like chaos control, Sonic's speed, Silver's telegnosis, and Espio's invisibility? What does it do when there's nothing left to consume? one last thing, wherever it comes from, would it have to practice speaking? like patient zero, being the first to be consumed, would it have to "test it out"? Sorry for the rant, I'm just in love!! <3 It has my gears turning
I’m glad you like the au! This type of story has always been my favourite, so seeing people enjoy it makes me very happy!
A few of these questions have already been answered in previous asks, so I’ll answer the ones that I haven’t answered yet
How did The Rot come to Sonic’s world? Is Sonic patient zero?- Now that’s spoiler territory. You’ll know soon enough. He is ‘patient zero’. That’s all I’ll tell you.
Would The Rot restrain itself from infecting? Does it attack first chance?- The Rot doesn’t have an ‘urge’ to spread. It’s just doing what it wants to do. Like an animal in nature. It will wait as long as it needs to before it infects someone, that wait time can be days or weeks, even months if it comes to that.
Would it have to practice speaking?- Not exactly. It already knows how to speak as it can simulate lungs and vocal cords and whatever else it needs to speak. Though it takes a while before their hosts voice becomes less layered and growly and more clear and unsuspecting. The more hosts it has, the easier it can be to speak clearly. Until then, it rarely speaks in front of others, only saying short words or sentences when it needs to.
What does it do when there’s nothing left to consume?- Well, there has been a thought bubbling around in my mind about that for a while… but I sure ain’t gonna tell you it. You’re just gonna have to figure that question out yourself.
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eris-snow · 3 months
Text
𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞
Tags: Revelation (Deku's birthday series 2024), angst, izuku x fem!reader
Masterlist
July 1st. The start of the end.
---
If I tell you I’m not who you think I am,
.
.
.
will you believe me?
The atmosphere is warming up and the sun is scorching. Cicadas screech like the buzzing of doorbells, and Izuku’s life is finally on track.
Izuku’s still striving for more. The internships, the thanks he still gets from saving everyone in the war, for saving to win, winning to save. Still fighting his way with Shoto and Katsuki for Valedictorian, with sleepless nights, caffeine, training and school. He’s still healing, picking up the pieces with permanently scarred hands and getting cut by the shards on his crooked fingers, but he’s better, compared to last year.
He’ll be 17 in two weeks, graduate in 10 months, and go Pro because that’s been his dream since young.
The air is fresh, and he’s contented, happy, satisfied.
Summer has officially made its debut, and July has finally arrived.
Izuku can’t consider himself anything less than lucky, because without Kacchan, Ochaco, Iida, Todoroki, All Might, his classmates, mother, teachers, all of them, he wouldn’t be here.
“Class dismissed,” Aizawa says, throwing his sleeping bag over his shoulder, and walks out the door.
The class explodes with its usual chatter, and Katsuki turns around to form conversations about training.
Yeah, everything feels…just right.
Everything was not alright.
Then again, things haven’t been alright for a while now, and most of your feelings are numb, numb, numb because after a certain threshold, the rod breaks, the rope snaps, and suddenly, you just don’t care anymore.
It isn’t to say you weren’t close to Izuku, but the gap is a chasm that can never be bridged. (Maybe another war would help, but your smile isn’t worth the world burning.) Your relationship with Izuku now can’t hold a candle to what it once was, because on the 15th of July, 7 years ago, you’d been at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
On the 15th of July, 7 years ago, Izuku had pushed you out of the way, and taken your place.
On the 15th of July, 7 years ago, Izuku had been hit by a quirk.
In each memory, each picture he remembers, every thought he’s ever had of you in that one-year timeframe, you disappear. Because each year after that, at the stroke of midnight on the 16th of July, he’d forget you.
Even as nightmares of the war ease for some, yours is eternal, and you breathe every second of it. You want to kill yourself.
If I tell you I’m not who you think I am,
.
.
.
will you believe me?
You’re writing on a post-it, and it’s a bad habit of yours. Your game of Secrets that you’d incorporate through each year even though there’s no one to play the game with now. Your laughs shared, and your effort that you’d build the bridge so painstakingly with the hands that tore your relationship up in the first place.
His viridian eyes that shine with adoration for you, his smile that is carved just for you, his nickname for you. Starlight, Starlight, Starlight.
Over and over, back and forth, up and down.
Your game of Secrets is shelved in a tin box of Post-its, and your nickname is foreign on Izuku’s tongue. You’d tried to bridge the gap this round, but the chasm has widened, and if take a leap of faith, you’ll die. There are guards up, especially after the war, and as much as you try to tear them down, your relationship can never be the same.
It’ll always be L/n and Midoriya, because you, aren’t, enough.
“Starlight.”
You look up from the Post-it, and your eyes meet crimson red.
Kacchan.
You slam your head back down on the desk.
“Oi!” He’s shaking you, but part of you doesn’t feel a thing. You only hurt when you let it hurt, and it all goes away if you don’t think. Kacchan makes you think. You don’t like Kacchan.
“Go away.”
“It’s July.” Bakugou softens, and isn’t that a sight for sore eyes? “Izuku’s month.”
You only hurt when you let it hurt, and it goes away when you don’t think.
Don’t think.
“Kacchan, I don’t want to try anymore. I’m tired.” Your voice is a whisper, shit, you’re a mess. “I’m tired of chasing after Zuku.”
Numb, numb, numb. It’s scary, that this is the boy you’ve been in love with for the better part of your life, and you don’t want to stop loving him.
Your words taste like resolve. You’re clinging, one hand, on the edge of a cliff in the howling wind. Barely. Because even though you’ve chosen to hurt, chosen to feel, breaking points you don’t believe in start cracking your soul, and leave part of the world black and grey.
That’s funny, you swore your Post-it was green.
“Starlight—”
“Don’t start, Kacchan. I can’t ganbare my way through this.” You crumble your Post-it, stand up, haul your sorry ass to the door and throw the Post-it away. “Just leave me alone.”
You run into Izuku on your back to the dorms, and he smiles and waves at you as you leave. “See you around, L/n!” He says, you wave back, smile fake, but real enough. “See you around, Midoriya.”
Today is the start of July, and you dread this day every year, the countdown to Izuku’s inevitable memory wipe, and you’d made every effort to treasure it last year, with Secrets and stupid gifts.
But this year, you don’t even have any memories to protect.
“Kacchan!” Izuku gasps, slamming the door to the classroom open. “I think I accidentally left my workings for integration on my table, I—” He trails off.
Bakugou is standing so still in front of L/n’s table like he is staring at the corpse of a person he couldn’t save. “Kacchan?”
With little to no pause, he turns, walks to Izuku’s table, picks up the loose pieces of foolscap and walks over to where Izuku stands by the waste bin.
“Oh, thank you—Waachan!”
With one swift motion, Kacchan dumps his precious notes into the dustbin.
“Kacchan!” Izuku wails, bending down immediately to sort through the trash. Thankfully, it had been recently cleared, and it was just scraps of paper left in it. “You’re so mean! I thought that we were over this—”
He tries to flick off the green post-it that’s got stuck in the crossfire, preparing to throw it back, forgotten, when Bakugou grabs his hand and looks at him in the eyes. “Izuku. Read it.”
He has a serious expression on, and since Izuku trusts him with his life, (and because he’s cranky when Izuku ignores him) he does what he’s told with zero hesitation.
If I tell you I’m not who you think I am,
.
.
.
will you believe me?
Right beneath, in the tiniest of scrawls, are the words,
please believe me, Izuku
crossed out so many times that it was almost illegible.
His heart does three big somersaults and threatens to be puked out of his mouth.
Alarmed, his eyes flicker up to Bakugou, who looks at him so hard that it makes Izuku feel like he’d done something wrong. “Whose handwriting is that?” The red-eyed boy, his childhood friend spits, jabbing a finger at the note.
With a double take and a quick memory scan, his mouth dries up like sand in the desert.
“L/n.”
Kacchan frowns, but Izuku is right, and before he can get anything out his friend beats him to it.
“If you think Shortie’s doing shitty things behind our backs, she’s not, and that’s not what she meant by her note. She’s hurting, and she needs you, Izuku. I can patch up her wounds, but I can’t stop her from bleeding. Talk to her, please.”
Izuku’s horrified that he didn’t notice anything. You’re always full of smiles, warm like sunshine and gentle like clouds. You’ve always helped him when he needed it and you were a solid partner in practicals when paired up. You’d just arrived in class in the middle of last year, but you fit in so well. What happened?
“You’re the closest to her, Kacchan, surely you must know something?” He says, looking up at the blond with eyes full of green.
“I don’t.” Katsuki grits out. Lie. “The note was addressed to you, wasn’t it?
Why don’t you ask her to find out?”
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ladykailitha · 2 years
Text
Oh For a Muse of Fire! Epilogue
I want to thank everyone for the lovely support. I saw a couple questions about the other characters in the comment section of the last one and wanted to clear up a couple of things. Crystal=Argyle (he picked the name because he thought it sounded cool), Onyx=Dimitri (like @n0-1-important guessed in part 11). Diamond and his family were all OCs more on them here. Michelle (the whiny chick in the art class) is the only other OC. I tried as much as possible to include characters from the show when I could.
And to answer @ goodolefashionedloverboi‘s question: Jonathan and Nancy are in couple’s therapy and are doing better.
And then one final thing to explain (the curses of doing a WIP and posting it one at a time not every thread I put down got picked up again, oops!) is the garnet rings. I love gem stones and geology. It fascinates me so much so that I took it as an elective in high school. When I was researching a fic (don’t remember which one now) I was looking at Eddie’s rings. And a lot of people were making replicas with hard stones like hematite, onyx, or something that didn’t have cuts or facets. But Eddie’s ring sparkles. It’s clearly a gemstone. So I went looking up grey or black gemstones. I found a couple it could be but they weren’t discovered until the 90s (and while the ACTUAL stone the prop maker used could be that, I COULDN’T call it that). And then I found a grey garnet. It was a perfect match. It sparkles the way his does, the different shades it gets from the show, spot on. Hence the garnet.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9 Part 10  Part 11 Part 12  Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17
*
Two years later:
Variety Interview with Corroded Coffin
Max Mayfield: Hello, can you guys introduce yourselves for the people that have been hiding under a rock for the last two years?
They all laugh.
Jeff: I’m Jeff Lawrence, I’m rhythm guitar.
Gareth: I’m Gareth Hughes, I’m on drums.
Brian: I’m Brian Martin, I’m the bass guitarist.
Eddie: And I’m Eddie Munson, frontman, lead guitar, lead vocalist, and songwriter.
MM: That’s a lot of titles for one person.
JL: That’s because he’s the most dramatic out of all of us. He has to have allll the titles. Can’t share with the rest of us.
EM: Hey!
They all laugh again.
BM: Hey, you know it’s true.
EM: Yeah...but you’re giving away all my secrets right off the bat. Can’t you save some for later in the interview.
The other three look at each other.
JL, BM, GH: No.
Eddie throws his arms in the air.
EM: I’m telling Steve!
The other three look mock frightened for all of three seconds before they start laughing at him.
JL: You know Steve would agree with us.
Eddie pouts
MM: Can you tell us who Steve is?
Eddie fiddles with the singular ring on his right hand, looking down, bashfully. It one that I haven’t seen. Everyone is familiar with the the three chunky rings on his left hand. But this one is on his ring finger. The grey stone flashes as he plays with it.  
EM: He’s the love of my life and my muse.
JL: He’s an art teacher back home.
BM: He’s our Eddie wrangler.
GH: He’s our band mascot.
I laugh.
MM: He sounds pretty special. How did you guys meet?
JL: We all went to high school together, actually.
MM: Oh, so were you high school sweethearts, then?
Eddie laughs.
GH: Yeah, no. He laughs.
BM: Let’s just say they started off on the wrong foot.
JL: The wrong everything, let’s be honest.
EM: Not my proudest moment. I was doing a favor for a family friend being a live model for an art class about five years later and assumed the worst about him.
MM: You mean there are actual art of you naked out there?
Eddie blushes.
EM: Several pieces in fact. But my favorite is Stevie’s. It’s still hanging up in our house in my studio.
GH: I’ve seen it. It’s not gross or anything.
JL: It won best in show at the art gala it was featured in.
BM: I think he’s totally wasted as an art teacher. He could be making more than we do selling his art work. But he loves working with kids.
MM: Sounds like the perfect guy.
EM: scoffs I love Steve, but he can be the most basic bitch. And he tends to be overprotective too.
GH: But we are here to talk about the new album.
MM: Fair enough. So tell me about working on Silent Killer. This is your second album, is that correct?
JL: Yeah, our self titled debut album just went double platinum. We knew going in it was going to be a tough act to follow.
GH: When we went platinum the first time, our manager Murray Bauman sent black flowers to all the record labels that passed on us.
EM: It was very suitably bitchy. It’s why he’s our manager.
MM: Certainly sounds like it. Do you guys deviate from your first album’s style in this one?
They look at each other and Eddie shrugs
EM: I mean, not really. It’s a more somber album to be sure. There was a song that we wanted to include on Corroded Coffin but decided it didn’t fit with the overall theme of the album that made its way on this one.
MM: Which song is that?
BM: Thorns and Thistles. It’s the song that got us our agent in the first place.
JL: Yeah. Murray was mad when the record label didn’t want to use it this time round. He fought tooth and nail to get on the album.
EM: Have you heard it yet?
I nod.
MM: Yeah. It’s beautifully heartbreaking. You say your label didn’t want to use it?
BM: They thought it was too sad.
JL: So to prove them wrong we sent it out as our first single, before we even started really working on the album.
MM: It had already gone gold before you announced the new record. That must have really got stuck in their craw.
EM: We’ve been laughing all the way to the bank.
MM: You guys won a Grammy for Song of the Year for The Jester and the King and Best New Artist. How was that for you?
BM: God I don’t know which of us bawled more on that stage. But it was everything we hoped for.
JL: Winning Song of the Year was a life changer. But no one thought we were going to win Best New Artist.
MM: No?
Eddie shakes his head.
EM: It rarely goes to a rock artist, especially a metal one. Everyone thought it would go to the kid...what’s his name...? He snaps his fingers.
JL: JJ Jenner.
EM: That’s the one. Fifteen year old kid with the pipes of an angel. Everyone, including us thought it would be him.
MM: Oh, I remember now, they put the kid’s reaction to losing on the jumbotron or whatever they call their big screen.
GH: I almost felt sorry for him.
Eddie grins.
EM: Almost.
MM: When you do red carpet events, Eddie, you bring your two lesbian friends with you, while the rest of the band brings their partners. Is there a reason you don’t bring yours? Especially since I learned your partner’s name is Steve.
All the members of the band shift uncomfortably in their seats, stealing glances at each as they silently decide who is going to answer the question.
MM: Oh. I feel like I stepped on a sensitive topic. I didn’t mean to.
Gareth clears his throat.
GH: Steve’s privacy is very important to us. There are times he would like to go to these things with Eddie...
JL: But he still gets attacks and can’t. He looks down at his hands. So he goes with the girls dress shopping and helps pick out their outfits for the night.
Eddie looks like he’s going to tear up.
EM: We’re working on it. He knew going to our relationship that this might become an issue but I always do what I can to make it up to him the moment I get home.
They all look somber, so I decide to change the direction of the interview.
MM: What’s next for the Corroded Coffin boys?
They brighten up almost immediately.
BM: Touring. We’ve got an American tour this spring and then a European tour this summer.
MM: Is there a reason you decided to wait on the European tour until summer?
Eddie blushes and the rest of the band nudge him playfully.
EM: It’s so Steve can come with us. He can’t leave during the school year, but he likes touring with us when it’s out for summer break.
MM: Ah ha.
The conversation turns to non-band related things again and I watch how close they are. It’s great to see a band that are still friends after years of playing together. Even though they’ve only been big for two years, they have been playing for twelve.
Let’s hope that they stay that way for the next twenty.
-Max Mayfield
The Final Tag List: @artiststarme @allbymyselfexceptformycactus @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @itsall-taken @m-owo-n @zerokrox-blog @runyousillydetective @grimmfitzz @wonderland-girl143-blog @sapphirecobalt-1 @scheodingers-muppet @victor-thee-corvid @apricottree @bookbinderbitch @sleepyboosstuff @biatcgh @pixiefallingupthestairs @grtwdsmwhr @thepainisspicy @carlyv @eboyawstenn @bisexualdisastersworld @bidisastersworld @abstractnaturaldisaster @evix-syne666 @nerdsconquerall @lololol-1234 @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @a-little-unsteddie @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @elluminis @tailsfromthecrypt @danili666 @plyerice27 @alittlegreyfish  @n0-1-important @no-upper-limit-to-stupidity @maya-custodios-dionach @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @heaven428 @thedragonsaunt @ceaselessly-watching @imfinereallyy @messrs-weasley @sharingisntkaren @nohomoyesbi
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0utpost-alpha · 4 months
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Personal Thoughts On Red vs Blue: Restoration
Alright so, it’s been a few weeks since Red vs Blue Restoration hit the internet. I’ve had time to sit, think, cry and process RvB and Rooster Teeth as a whole ending. As I stated on a previous post, I got into RVB around 2015? I think Season 13 had ended then. So I haven’t really spent as much time with the Sims Troopers as many others have. But those 9 years were wonderful and I’m grateful for finding such an entertaining show and fandom. Any show that can make me laugh my ass off and also make me full on sob my eyes out is 10/10 in my book.
Anyway, moving on. I said I’d put out my own personal thoughts and feelings for Restoration in the form of a Pro’s and Con’s post; so here it is:
THE PROS
The AI Fragments: I LOVE them going back and focusing on the AI fragments again. I remember hearing that Miles was talking about how he was going to do something similar with them after the Chorus Trilogy but things happened and Jason ended up taking over after Season 14. I personally always adored the idea of the Reds and Blues each getting one of the AI fragments that suited their personal needs and would lead to more character development for them later on down the line.
Tucker and the AI’s: On the subject of AI’s, After Season 13, I remember reading a lot of fan theories and fanfics that often brought up what possible side effects Tucker could go through with Epsilon not only shattering but having all those fragments at once helping him power the Meta suit. And it looks like a lot of them weren’t far off! While we will never know what actually happened once those doors were opened, at some point either immediately or not long afterwards, the AI took control and ran off with poor Tucker.
Caboose’s Voice: While it was a little jarring at the beginning, being so used to Joel’s, Michael Malconian did a phenomenal job as Caboose’s voice. I feel like he got that child-like, not all there, but still ready to help out however he can personality down perfect. NGL, I think I actually prefer this voice to the old one. I’m just sad that we won’t get to hear more of this Caboose.
Speaking of Caboose: I love how they had Caboose have a big brain moment. Instead of bringing back Church, something he wanted more than anything, he knew Tex was their best chance against Meta!Tucker. Also, destroying the Memory Unit. Talk about huge character development for Cabooses character. (It’s also possible that this was what Church asked Caboose to do when he was whispering to him in the ship? I need to go back and rewatch it)
Simmons: I know there was already an image or video around showing Simmons with the robotic arm, but I kind of fell off the RvB bus after Zero came out so I missed a bit of content that was floating around on the internet. So me and @yourscientistfriend were tickled pink when we noticed his arm for the first time. It’s small, but nice to know that RT remembered that specific detail about Simmons.
Sarge’s Sacrifice: alright, this one is probably on a lot of peoples Con’s lists but I personally feel like, if any of them were gonna be killed off Sarge was the best because; he died doing what he loved. Fighting. He protected his boys and went down on his own terms. His farewell to Grif definitely hit the hardest. I think deep down we all knew Sarge cared about Grif, but actually hearing him say it was so satisfying.
Memory is the key: the boys sitting around the campfire reminiscing about everything they had been through together in the last 23 years was such a bitter sweet nostalgia blast. The fact that they also got BNL to do a song over it was kind of a nice surprise too.
THE CONS
A lot of characters didn’t really get a chance to shine. It mainly focused on Simmons, Grif, Tucker and Caboose for a majority of the movie. Donut was only there in a thought bubble for a gag, Carolina didn’t even show up till the very end, and Wash didn’t even get to fight, he honestly didn’t really even serve a purpose except to fall off a fucking cliff to get Carolina’s attention and I feel like that wasn’t even necessary. Hell, I think they even forgot about Lopez after that one scene at the beginning. I honestly feel for the Donut and Doc fans. They seriously got screwed over.
“Come With Me”: So. Grimmons didn’t become canon. I am, severely disappointed as I’m sure a majority of the fandom is. I wasn’t expecting a kiss or a make-out section or anything that extreme. But I feel after all these years of teasing us they could have given us SOMETHING.
Tucker Trauma: As I said in the Pro’s, I loved the set up they did with Tucker and the fragments. However, what I didn’t like was how they didn’t address the trauma Tucker went through with them controlling him. They forced him to kill innocent people, attack his friends and mentally tortured him in order to get him to cooperate or wear him down enough to take control. But after they remove the fragments, he’s just ok now? Back to his regular bow chika bow wow self? Don’t get me wrong, like with many of my other cons I realize that a lot of things had to be scrapped or cut because of time and that because Season 19 had to be turned into a movie instead of a full blown season they couldn’t properly address a lot that they probably wanted to. But I wish we could have at least got something along the lines of Wash taking Tucker back with him to get physically and mentally checked out.
Also, wtf is up with Grif just up and leaving. I know Season 15-17 was retconned (update: they weren’t retconned) but damn man, Grif really doesn’t care about any of them? Even after the whole reminiscing scene? It just feels out of character for him. I feel like after everything was said and done he would have taken those papers and shot them or something. Said something about how someone’s gotta give the new leader of the reds a hard time, said something about not leaving till he figure out why they were there!?  Anything than whatever the hell that was.
Thing’s I’m sad will never happen now that Red vs Blue is officially over:
More time with Locus’s character as well as character development and redemption (as well as possibly becoming one of the Reds and Blues)
Grimmons
Simmons’s getting an arc that better fleshes out his character and would give us more background into his history (I mean come on. From the bits and pieces we got over the seasons, it’s very clear Simmons’s had a shitty past. Yes, I’m still mad that his labyrinth was turned into a alien probing joke)
Never seeing an actual conclusion to the fight at the end of Season 13. (I get they wanted to let the fans play around with ideas on what happened but it still bugs me).
Wash and Simmons bonding during a knife training session
Wash and Tucker bonding over AI Trauma
Tucker and Junior bonding
Overall, it was an ending. And probably the most decent one we could have gotten considering everything that was going on. A lot of other shows didn’t even get that. So I honestly can’t complain too much. They also deliberately left the ending pretty open so the fandom could easily write their own ending if they wanted to which is awesome of them.  
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breella · 1 year
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Secrets
A/N: This was originally part of a series I was writing but I wasn't happy with how the first part came out so I decided to post this part. Background info that is missing due to not posting the first part: y/n is Rhys' sister. She was under the mountain with him. Her and Eris met each other under the mountain and a mating bond snapped in place for them. They knew it wasn't safe to accept it there so they his it from everyone including Rhys. This takes place after the war with Hybern.
Also this is my first time writing anything other than essays in over 10 years. Sorry for any mistakes I haven't edited yet. I know if I don't post it now I won't. lol
You were sitting at the dinner table in the house of wind with your family when you heard Eris’s voice come through the bond. “I need to see you” he said. His voice had an edge to it that you hadn’t heard before. Annoyed by the interruption you sighed.
“Everything okay?” Cassian asked as he bumped your shoulder with his own.
“Huh? Yeah I’m fine. Sorry I was just thinking about the amount of paperwork I have piled on my desk.” You replied. You saw Rhys studying you from the corner of you eye but ignored him. You didn’t feel like dealing with your overprotective big brother right now.
“Y/n please talk to me.” Eris said in your mind. His tone almost made you want to give in. It had been three weeks since you last saw him. The two of you had a big fight. He still wasn’t ready to accept the bond. He said it would never be safe for you as long as Beron was alive. You had told him you were done waiting and that you weren’t afraid of Beron. You pleaded with him to allow you to accept the bond so that the two of you didn’t have to hide anymore and could finally be together. Things escalated into yelling, both of you saying things you didn’t mean. At the end you told him you were done. You said you would reject the bond. “Fine” was all he said as you walked away. He didn’t follow you.
“I’m busy, Eris.” You sent back. Your heart was still broken. You didn’t mean what you said about rejecting the bond. You knew deep down he didn’t mean the things he said to you that night. You just couldn't understand why he didn’t want to accept the mating bond. Did he not love you? Was he embarrassed of you?
“Meet me tonight y/n. I need to see you. It’s been too long.” He said.
“I can’t keep doing this. It hurts too much.” You let more emotion come through in your reply than you intended. You wanted him to think you were okay without him. You wanted him to believe that you didn’t need him.
“I never intended to hurt you. Meet me in our usual spot and we can talk about things.”
“Fine. I’ll be there at midnight.” You replied and slammed your mental shields down. You knew you shouldn’t have given in that easily. This meeting was going to end in 1 of 2 ways. Either you would end up arguing again and you would leave more heart broken than you already were, or he would give you the same excuses as always and the two of you would spend the night with him inside of you and leave in the morning without talking about anything.
“Are you coming with us y/n” you were pulled out of your thoughts by Mor’s question. You hadn’t heard the conversation, but you knew enough about your friends to assume they were going to Rita’s on a Saturday night.
“Not tonight. I have something I need to take care of.” You faked a smile at her.
“Oh, come on. You haven’t been out with us in ages. We will have so much fun.”
“Next time” was your only reply as you got up and walked into the kitchen to empty your plate. You needed time to gather your thoughts. You poured yourself a glass of wine and leaned against the counter sighing. It wasn’t long before you heard footsteps entering the kitchen. You turned and met the stare of your brother. “I should have known you would follow me in here.”
“What’s wrong?” Concern laced through his features.
“You worry too much.” You laughed.
“You haven’t been yourself lately.” Rhys replied.
“I’m fine, I promise.” You lied. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell Rhys or any of the rest of your family the truth. You knew you would have to tell them one day, but right now you had enough to deal with. Once Eris was ready, if he ever was, you would work out how and when to tell them. For now, you didn’t want them to worry. You knew once they found out Eris was your mate, they would try to keep you away from him. They would try to convince you not to accept the bond. They didn’t know him in the way you did. No one truly knew him like you did. You were the only person he let see the real him. He had saved you under the mountain, and no matter what happened between the 2 of you now you would forever be grateful for that.
12:01 am. You spent the last hour debating on backing out. Your heart couldn’t handle much more. You felt a pull on that invisible string forever tying the two of you together. You knew he was waiting. You hoped he was as nervous as you were. You took one last look in the mirror. You had changed out of the dress you were wearing and into a pair of black leggings and cream-colored oversized sweater. You left your hair down because you knew he loved it that way. You also had applied some deep red lipstick because you knew it drove it mad. You knew you looked good but the casual clothing you opted for made it seem as if you weren’t trying too hard to impress him. Satisfied by your looks you decided you were as ready as you were ever going to be. You winnowed directly into the cabin hidden deep inside the autumn forest.
“Hello beautiful.” Eris smirked at you.   
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lighthouseas · 9 months
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hi all! i know that i haven’t posted for a while, but since the end of the year is fast approaching, i thought i’d make a post detailing my appreciation for my lovely mutuals . (if you saw this post earlier because tumblr was being a bitch, no you didn’t <3333)
anyway, without further ado- and in no particular order-
bee’s end-of-the-year MUTUAL APPRECIATION POST!!!
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@hazmatazz - OHHH MAN. SILLY GUY ALERT. starting off strong with the lovely the amazing the fantabulous HAZ HAZMATAZZ. haz, being your friend and fellow Silly Squad member has been such an honor. you’re so funny and sweet and smart and make the best posts that make me giggle. and even though i don’t talk in it much, seeing so many Shenanigans go down in the discord server is seriously the funniest thing. I could just. squish you. you make me so happy and it’s an honor to be your friend. seriously hope 2024 treats you amazingly bc you deserve all of it <3333
@cannibalismyuri - SARA!!!! sara my lovely ohhh you are. the funniest. seriously. i have been reduced to Tears of laughter from posts on your blog. you have such an energy about you that is completely unmatched. even with Fandom Weirdness and the like, you’ve still pulled through and kept being your silliest self (and let me be silly with you which is awesome), and i commend you for that. aaaand not to get sappy or whatever but i really do look up to and admire you. you inspire me a lot. also, i love your new url. i want to eat it. pun intended. HAVE THE BEST 2024 EVER <3333
@qulizalfos - LIZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. everyone listen up okay. liza is the loml IF ANYONE EVEN CARESSS. liza oh my god i adore you and your endless enthusiasm. seriously your comments on tsad are comments that i look back on when i need motivation because they’re just. so sweet. you are so sweet. we’ve only been mutuals since this SUMMER and yet it feels like we’ve known each other forever. i love screaming about things with you and i love the fact that my FIC is in your BIO??? HELLOOOO??? also okay. can we talk about your writing and art. liza i cannot say ENOUGH how talented you are. if i could staple your fics and art to the entire st fandom’s forehead so they would have to look at it forever then i would. your brain is so ginormous and the way you describe things and think about things is something i could only dream of doing. literally adore everything about you and wish i could hang out with you and wayli so we could all be a little insane together <33333 love you. LOVE YOUUUU I hope 2024 is awesomesauce for you <33333333
@wayward-sherlock - SPEAKING of wayli. oh wayli. if i had time to write a 10 page essay detailing how much of an impact you have had on me i would. seriously though you are just the sweetest, kindest, and most positive person ever. seeing you blow up my notes makes me grin So Hard because like oh man. wayli likes my blog. THEEE wayli thinks i’m cool. wtfff….anyway. you are so smart and it shows in your literally breathtaking writing and analysis (ANALYSIS FIRM!!!) you’re so perceptive and it honestly blows me away. reading your writing is so mesmerizing and just. sends me on an adventure. actually just scrolling through your BLOG sends me on an adventure because you always have the best stuff on there. honestly, I just wanna give you the biggest hug and tell you how awesome you are because rambling in a tumblr post simply is not enough. all’s that to say, i’m really looking forward to this coming year that will hopefully include more screaming about fanfiction in our discord messages and more of us being friends. because i love being your friend and it’d be so awesome if one day we could hang out together and be a tad Insane. doopel dopple gang STICKS TOGETHER AMIRITE?? anyway. i love you so much and wish you all the best in 2024 <333333
@antibyler - spencer HIII i know it’s been a minute since we last talked but can i just say that it has been an HONOR being your mutual this year. you’re so cool and fun and easy to talk to and also are a Fellow NHIE Fan which makes you even cooler. don’t think i’ve ever seen a bad opinion on your blog, which i know is saying a lot but it’s true To Me okay. seriously could never ever imagine Not following spencer basiltonpitch antibyler because like. that’s some essential dash content right there. THEEE blog to ever. makes the tumblr experience about 2034549650 times better. hope 2024 treats you wonderfully, my triple b mutual WOO <3
@versa-vices - FINNIEEEE!!!!!! you are my sunshine my special sunshine you make me happyyyyyyyy when skies are grayyyy….like actually though you are such a sunshine. seeing your comments on my posts never fails to make me giggle. a Silly Squad member that’s for sure. but like. being your tumblr bestie this past year has been so much fun. hanging out on the dash together and being Slightly Unhinged in the discord messages has been one of the highlights of my year. you’re so sweet and lovely and i don’t think it would be tumblr without you (those 10 minutes where you deactivated were HARD man okay. what am i supposed to do without u :(() okay anyhoo. thank you for being the bestest ever and hope 2024 treats you well <333
@light-lanterne - angel hiii! it’s been a bit since we’ve interacted but i needed to talk about how kind and patient you’ve been throughout literally everything because tumblr can be a little much sometimes. your kindness and determination to make so many beautiful graphics is absolutely incredible. i still look back on the graphics you’ve made for my fics sometimes, and it’s just…amazing. you’re so talented both in your art and your writing. when times got tough in the Fandom, i could always count on your blog to be a cozy and warm retreat from the craziness. it’s an honor to be your mutual, and i hope 2024 treats you kindly, because you seriously deserve it <33
@booksandpaperss - ELLI HIII!! holy shit one of my oldest mutuals. here when the ancient scrolls were written. elli , you have made my fandom experience so much more enjoyable. what with your huge brain and amazing takes, you always keep things real and i admire that about you. you’re also just. so easy to talk to. both because you’re ridiculously funny and also because you’re so nice to me like what. i love Discussing things with you, especially when it felt like we were sitting in a corner sipping tea and having a grand old time while the entire fandom went batshit. uscore fr. also, your comments on tsad…dude…they made me and STILL make me tear up. you read everything with such an attentive eye and then give the sweetest compliments on it. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. you’re just. so awesome okay. never forget that. hope u have a wonderful 2024 <3333
@karenchildress - hi jo!!!!!!!!!! i know we don’t interact as much but like. you’re such a joy to see on the dash i’m being so fr right now. how are you so funny like some of your posts still make me laugh to this day. you also keep things Real which i appreciate a lot, people tend not to do that nowadays T-T. we need more jo karenchildresses in the st fandom i think. things would improve marginally. anyway. keep being cool and fun and hope 2024 brings you much joy <3
@homohabu - oh man you’re just. you’re so nice. your blog is so inviting and has the loveliest colors all over it that make me very happy. you’ve always been so lovely to me and it makes me smile. you’re also another one of my oldest mutuals…and you’ve still stuck around through everything. thank you for having an awesome blog and being an awesome person! hope 2024 is good for you!!!!!!!!
@kuntniss - sierra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hiiiii it’s been a minute but can i just say that your blog makes me so so so super happy whenever i look at it. both your reblogs and original posts are just. great vibes. great vibes all around. you’ve been so nice to me this past year and it’s seriously been so wonderful interacting with you and looking forward to seeing your posts. being your mutual is so fun. i hope 2024 brings you so many good things, you deserve all of them <33333333
@weirdo09  - cade! i know you haven’t been online in a while but i just wanted to say that you’ve been such a wonderful friend to me this past year. you’re so creative and i loved hearing your ideas in my inbox and getting tagged in your wonderful. i hope you’re doing okay now, because you were honestly such a joy to see on the dash and in my notes. also, your ever changing themes were always a nice surprise to come across when i opened your blog, lol. hope 2024 treats you well :)
@holyvirgilscriptures - virgil !!!! oh my god i adore your blog so badddd like. i could seriously scroll through it forever it’s just banger after banger after banger. you always have the best takes on like. Everything. also FELLOW TAWOG BROTHER IN ARMS HELLOOOO !!!! BEST TASTE IN MEDIA AWARD GOES TO YOU MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. you have made this year so so so enjoyable just with the Existence of your blog. this coming year i hope we can interact a bit more because you’re super awesome <333 may 2024 bring you many good things! 
@ollsonline - oliver <3333 my lovely. since we became mutuals you have been nothing but the sweetest, kindest, friendliest person to me. you’re so welcoming to everyone and it absolutely warms my heart. you’ve been such an amazing friend to me this year and we should totally talk more because you’re super cool and awesome also!!! thank you for being the best and i hope 2024 treats you kindly <3
okay that’s all i’ve got! to any mutuals i did not get to mention: i love you so much. you have made The Tumblr Experience that much more bearable with your endless kindness. i love all of you so much, and am wishing you a happy new year through the screen! MWAH!!!!!!!
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bg-brainrot · 9 months
Text
Day 10 of the BG3 Holiday Challenge \0/
Prompt: Winter Markets
Featuring: Astarion x Rogue!Tav
Series: Fits into Love at First Knife, AO3 link here
Premise: Winter is quickly coming to a close, and you’ve yet to experience the full winter experience with Astarion. Determined to get the most of your season, you drag Astarion to a winter market when one appears not far from where you live.
Tags: POV Second Person, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Fluff, Holidays, post-canon, comfort
Word count: ~1k
“Hurry up, Astarion,” you say, holding your lover’s hand and pulling. You’re both on your way to a nearby winter market, one of the last few before the season ends, and likely the only one you and Astarion can attend this year. You couldn’t travel in the daylight and most of the markets closed before too late, so your options have been limited. “We won’t have nearly enough time at the market if you don’t walk faster.”
“I don’t even need anything from this–this market,” Astarion grumbles, continuing to hold your hand in his as you walk despite his protests. “I doubt there’s even anything worth stealing.”
“Are you kidding?” you ask, blinking at him in shock as you continue to walk. “It’s not about buying or stealing anything– it’s about the experience!”
The vampire rolls his eyes dramatically before responding. “And what, pray tell, will I be experiencing? The bitter cold?”
“Well, I haven’t been to this market yet, so I can’t say,” you begin, ignoring his signature barbs. “Most typically have things like seasonal drinks, which I suppose you don’t care about.”
“Not particularly, no.”
“They also have delicious sweet treats,” you say, a pleasant smile coming over your face as you recall a particularly delicious gingerbread you had at a market a few years back. 
Astarion laughs at that and squeezes your hand affectionately. “I would say that you’re the only sweet treat I need, but I suspect you can’t hear me while you’re drooling over whatever conjured confectionery is in your head.” 
You scowl at him and pay no mind to the rumble of your stomach. “Fine, those are more for me. But there is also entertainment, vendors, and lights.”
After hearing your enthusiasm for the night market, Astarion reluctantly speeds up. He hooks your elbow with his and you head toward the winter market arm-in-arm.
It’s a small market, nothing like the ones you’ve been to before. It has no more than a dozen stalls, maybe just as many attendees, and the single source of live entertainment, a bard, looks to be quite done for the day. One glance, and you’re certain it won’t impress Astarion– perhaps his misgivings had been warranted.
“Actually,” you drawl, tugging him back by the elbow. “I think you were right. Doubt we’ll experience much here.”
Astarion stops in his tracks, confused by your hesitation. “Darling?” he asks, tugging gently back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” you say, shaking your head. “It just doesn’t seem like the most… bustling of markets. Perhaps we can go for a nice stroll instead?”
“Nonsense, my dear,” he says, smiling at you softly. “I want to see all of the charming things you mentioned, and I don’t think we can do that on a stroll.”
You’re uncertain about the amount of charm that you’ll find here, and relay the concern to your love, “I described a very different type of market.” You take a quick look around and continue in a low voice, “This place is rather small.”
“Oh darling,” Astarion says, with a chuckle. “As a sad, poorly-endowed man once said, size hardly matters– it’s what you do with it that counts.” He gives you a wink and steers you toward the first stall, where they seem to sell warm ciders.
At your love’s insistence, you purchase a cider from the kind woman running the stall, and despite all of your hesitation, it’s everything you wanted. It’s a sweet, cinnamony cider, and, even after burning your tongue on that first, searing hot sip, you know that amazing flavor could tide you over for the rest of the winter.
Before you can doubt the market again, Astarion is already dragging you to the next stall where an elderly man sells seasonal textiles. You peruse, speak to the vendor, and buy a little scarf to drape around your lover. He grins at you before grabbing your hand and moving to your next stop.
You continue through the stalls in this way, stopping each time to inspect what the vendor sells before Astarion drags you to the next one. You find kitschy winter decorations, handmade sculptures of seasonal gods, soaps of all winter-varieties, and a man claiming to create five-minute portraits– you, of course, get one of Astarion, which manages to be both awful and the best silver you’ve ever spent.
It’s only after purchasing a delicious holiday pudding that you finally get the vampire to stop, with the excuse that you’d like to sit down to appreciate it. So you both find your way to a bench, nestled in a corner of the marketplace.
As you take your first bite, you can’t help the groan of pleasure that escapes you. “Oh my dear,” Astarion says, looking at you with a naughty smirk. “If I knew you made noises like that for any old pudding, I wouldn’t be nearly as satisfied with the noises I draw from you.”
“Gods,” you breathe out, gulping down the first bite. “This isn’t just any old pudding. This might be one of the best desserts I’ve ever had.”
Your lover grins like a satisfied cat and places a single kiss on your cheek as he says, “Good. Aren’t you glad we came?”
You pause halfway through your next bite to stare at him. “I am, but shouldn’t that be my line?”
He laughs, drinking in your expression. “It might have been, but I’m afraid I’ve stolen it. One of us had to be excited for the market, you see.”
“I was excited,” you defend half-heartedly as you savor another bite of pudding. 
“Of course you were, darling,” he says, reaching up to wipe a crumb off the corner of your lip. “And when you lost your excitement, I was all too glad to pick it back up.”
You look at him again, the small scarf still draped around his neck, the silly portrait tucked into his coat pocket, his lips flushed from helping you with your cider. The man who hated the season was the very epitome of the season tonight, and all for you. After putting your holiday pudding down on the bench, you turn to him and cup his face between your hands. You place a single soft kiss on his still-warm lips and pull back to say, “Thank you, love. Truly.”
“It was my pleasure,” he says, eyes crinkling with joy. And you know he means it.
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