#i send him out to play with others and he comes back traumatized every time </3

[pierkyn]

Dragon's Dogma 2: Pawn's Travelogue in a nutshell

you KICK my Pawn? you kick his body like the football?? jail for the Arisen! jail for the Arisen for One Thousand Years!!!

[onlyswan]

summary: in which leaving the past behind is not as easy as forgetting, and you want to be everything jungkook wants to know.

idol!jungkook x f!reader, est. relationship / angst, fluff / wc: 7.9k

playlist: strange by celeste / sinking by clairo / manta rays by chloe moriondo / ceilings by beabadoobee / iris (cover) by phoebe bridgers & maggie rogers

content/warnings: [deep breath] no one will know the violence it took to become this gentle / it’s their first winter as a couple / oc’s ex bf slaps oc / jk beats up the ex / blood and bruises / crying :( / mention of cheating (not in our main’s rs we don’t tolerate that in this household :]) / mention of s*x / jimin as both their older brother and friend :(

in which masterlist!

note: greeting 2024 with angst woopsie… i literally ugly sobbed writing a particular scene T_T… anwww i hope it’s a good read <3 as always reblogs and feedback are appreciated! i’d love to hear your thoughtsss 🥺

—

the word VICTORY flashes across the screen.

with a proud smirk adorning his lips, jungkook pushes down his headphones to hang around his neck.

he rises from his seat, resting his crossed arms over the partition dividing the computer that you’re renting from his.

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

he chuckles to himself when he realizes that you didn’t hear him, not with the music blasting from your headphones. you direct your attention upwards when endless song by no reply is abruptly put on pause; the cushions of the headphones are pressed up against your cheek by your boyfriend’s doing.

“what?”

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

“oh, yes…” your focus returns to the screen, fast fingers dancing along the keyboard without an ounce of hesitation weighing on them. “i just… need to… send the file to my email.”

jungkook blinks at the long rows of words you’re masterfully curating, thinking to himself — how the hell do you think and type that fast at the same time?

it was his suggestion to stay at a pc bang tonight so you could be together while you each do your own thing. he spent his half of his day-off playing games, and during that time, you worked on your research paper and finished an essay that isn’t even due for another week. you took a break every hour, munched on some snacks, and cheered him on while he was diligently playing. perhaps he could’ve done something more productive today, but it couldn’t have made him happier.

he holds out the last slice of gimbap in between chopsticks, lightly poking your lips, and his heart flutters when you offer him a sweet smile after welcoming the big bite with some difficulty, cheeks full and nose scrunched.

“is there anything else you want to eat?”

you shake your head, and unable to speak while chewing, you gesture for water as if you’re playing charades.

a kiss is granted to your forehead.

when he comes back with a bottled water, all your tabs have been closed and you’re wearing your white beret again, re-organizing your belongings in your backpack.

“ready to leave?” he inquires as he hands your order.

you hum as a reply, standing from your seat as you swing the backpack over your head to wear it with little to no effort.

jungkook thinks you’re so cool.

you visit the restroom as he settles the bill. when you come out, he’s already pulling out a credit card from his wallet. you decide to head straight for the door then, wait for him outside as the air inside the room has started to feel a little too stuffy after you stepped away from the computer.

you’ve always thought about it— how time stands still when you experience something traumatic, how that moment feels stretched for eternity… how utterly barbaric that is. you’re forced to memorize frames of the origin of your scars, relive it over and over again, eyes closed and open. moments of happiness, on the other hand, are fleeting. they are sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. getting out of bed is scooping them in your hands and praying that they will hold on to you in the following rotations and revolutions of the earth. they never do.

there he stood at the bottom of the stairs, just as horrified as you.

his face is the last thing you want to see on a winter night.

because you still recall the amalgamation of emotions in his eyes two winters ago. his skin was flushed from the cold, but he turned redder with anger and your stomach coiled in shame.

“juwon?”

the name felt odd in your mouth. it’s like when you eat a food you haven’t had in a long time, and it doesn’t quite taste like you remember it.

and to be honest, you didn’t know what you expected to happen when he carried on to climb the remaining steps that led to you. but it definitely wasn’t… this.

the first hand to carress your bare body, as if it was in disbelief of its existence, and the rings you used to blindly adore— they collide with your cheek with a sound that resonates in your eardrums.

the slap thins out into a ringing noise.

“are you insane?!”

it continues to assault your hearing even as you scream and hit him back.

it ends when someone bumps against your shoulder in a haste, and the next thing you register is juwon lying on the ground with jungkook sitting on top him, balled fist throwing unforgiving punches at your ex-boyfriend’s face. juwon is held hostage by the shock and is unable to reciprocate jungkook’s aggression. he attempts to fight back but your boyfriend dodges easily.

“jungkook! stop, stop, stop!”

you run down the stairs with panic thundering in your chest, nearly in tears as you forcefully grasp at the back of jungkook’s coat to pull him away, but with his strength and the adrenaline flowing through his veins, your efforts prove to be fruitless.

“you fucking bastard! i’m gonna kill you!”

“that’s enough-” you cry out. “please!”

“how dare you lay a hand on my girlfriend like that, huh?!”

he is furious, gripping the collar of juwon’s sweater and slamming him to the ground.

“your girl?” coughing, juwon faces the side to spit out the blood in his mouth, which then shapes into an arrogant smirk. “didn’t you know? ____ was mine first. i was the first!”

the next punch he receives cuts his lower lip open, and a stronger metallic taste assaults his tongue.

“jungkook!”

before jungkook could inflinct more permanent damage, you resort to holding back his arm with both of your hands.

your gazes connect, and your heart drops to your stomach. he is seething with anger. your blood runs cold and a thick haze clouds your thinking. you can’t move your limbs. what do you do? what do you do? what do you do?

“____, let go. i’m not fucking finished with him.”

“please,” you beg, ignorant of the tears that have begun to slide down your cheeks. “that’s enough. look at him!”

“and why should i care?” he spits out as he shrugs you off.

“ah, jungkook! i said that’s enough! why won’t you listen to me?!”

your desperate tantrum falls on deaf ears. you squeeze your eyes shut when he re-assumes his stance, tucks his thumb over his folded fingers, exactly what he taught you about making a proper fist to avoid injuring one’s self when boxing.

“stop it! you’re scaring me!”

that throws a bucket of ice over jungkook’s head. the anger in his eyes is replaced by vacancy, and with that, juwon seizes the opportunity to finally strike him with a jab and escape from underneath him. jungkook finds himself pushed aside on the ground with a throbbing cheek, mostly likely to be noticeably bruised in the next hours.

“love-” you gasp, and you rush over to him but your path gets rudely obstructed by your ex.

“is this the guy you cheated on me with?”

he is extremely near that you can feel him panting on your face. two years later, your stomach coils in disgust. your glare is venomous, and if only looks could kill, if only looks could kill…

“just leave, won’t you? what’s the point of all this?” you roughly push him away with your remaining shred of energy, driven by exhaustion and frustration. “it was so long ago! get a fucking grip!”

he huffs in disbelief as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth. it also drips from his nose and eyebrow. strange enough, you do not feel guilt nor compassion for this man. not anymore.

“are you seriously crying just because he got punched one time…? isn’t that a little unfair? you loved me too. once.” he snickers, but he is visibly pissed off. he can no longer look at you in the eye. “shit, is he that much of a better fuck than me?”

your skin crawls. bile creeps up your throat. technically speaking, this is the consequence of your own actions, but you can’t help but to be resentful.

“you are…” your voice trembles, but your glare remains unwavering. “still as despicable and shallow as ever… and i don’t regret what i did.”

and it may have been a long time ago, but you still know how to hit him where it hurts the most— his ego.

you purposely bump against his shoulder as you make your way to jungkook, leaving him speechless as he stares at the ground. the night the two of you broke up, you were crying and begging him for forgiveness… what the fuck happened?

“let’s go home.” you demand quietly while refusing to meet jungkook’s stare— a mix of confusion, offense, and rage.

but the thing about juwon? he always needs to have the last word.

“you better keep a close eye. you might think you know ____, but whores never change. especially those who became one so young.”

“dude, how are you still speaking?!”

it’s too late when you realize that jungkook has left your side. he swings at juwon’s face with a force that sends the man stumbling backwards. he completely loses balance then collapses on the ground with a curse that almost misses your ears.

“don’t ever go near ____ again! don’t even think of it! if you show your face to me again, i might really end up fucking killing you. you hear me?!”

—

jungkook doesn’t recall a time when he felt a rage this intense and consuming. witnessing you get slapped, his vision went dark and he was shaking with fury. everything was a blur after that, but he knew one thing: this man violated the most precious person to him, and he won’t allow him to get away with that unscathed.

and that must be why he feels restless until now. neither one of you has dared to utter a word for the past couple of minutes. he can’t see your face as you’re walking ahead of him, leading the way with his wrist in your cold hand. however, he can hear your sniffles, and he can see you wiping your tears dry with the back of your hand. he thought he has experienced heartbreak, but this pain cuts deeper than anything he has ever felt.

“baby, let’s go back.”

he breaks the silence, standing infront of you to stop you on your tracks. he almost reeks of desperation as he intertwines your fingers together.

“please? there should be a cctv camera infront. we can sue him.”

“are you even hearing yourself? you’ll also get into trouble!”

his insistence only fuels the urge to cry and scream and break things. it’s an understatement to say that you’re ashamed. it was foolish of you, really, to assume that leaving the past behind would be as easy as forgetting. it may be out of sight but it is everywhere, and it sneaks up on you without tell and mercy.

“you attacked him out of nowhere! he can sue you for that too!”

“out of nowhere?” he repeats your words slowly, hurt flashing across his face. “i was protecting you, ____! who knows what else he could’ve done? and the shit he was talking about you? was i just supposed to stand there and do nothing?”

“and i’m protecting you too! why did you even have to punch him again?! he was obviously just trying to provoke you! god, i-” you release the air in your lungs you didn’t realize you’ve been holding. “thank god he didn’t see your face.”

that struck a nerve for some reason. he harshly rips off the mask that has been concealing half of his face all along.

“he hit you! look- fuck, you’re bleeding-”

oh, his rings must’ve grazed you.

jungkook brings out a clean white handkerchief from the backpocket of his pants, pressing it softly against your cheek. the sharp sting forces you to grit your teeth. it’s not only the wound… your skin is still warm and tender from the assault. you’re terrified to look at the mirror. you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself.

“and that’s what you’re really worried about right now?”

“okay, then i’m sorry for caring about my boyfriend and his career! i’m sorry, okay?!“

he dies a little inside when you harshly push his hand aside.

so this is what it feels like to be at the other end of your anger… shitty. it feels really shitty. after what happened, there is no sadness or fear. the twinkle in your eyes have been replaced with sharp daggers and it is gutwrenching to watch. it clicks for him then: you weren’t scared of him. you were scared for him.

he doesn’t allow you to go further than ten feet away. he seizes your arm before sneaking his hand on your waist to tug you closer to his body.

“you think i’m letting you out of my sight again? it’s not happening!”

you click your tongue in exasperation, left with no choice but to admit defeat as he hails the approaching taxi. you cover your face to hide from the blinding headlights.

ever the gentleman, jungkook opens the door for you.

“get in, ____.”

and the first thought that enters your mind: the air freshener is nauseating. it has to be something mixed with lemon.

you roll the window down as your boyfriend dictates the address of your destination to the taxi driver. not yours, but his. you send him an unimpressed scowl, but he only looks back at you challengingly under the warm dim light. the soft cloth is placed over your wound again, rudely snatched as you turn away from him. you hold it on your own as you watch the world outside the window, streetlamps with blurry light streaks and homes you will never set foot into. in the midst of your musing, you register the weight on your head, or its lack thereof. your beret landed on the ground in the aftermath of the first strike. what is there left to lose?

you thought you could be happy at last, but beside you is another soul you’ve stained with your bloody hands.

juwon was right, you never change.

—

“i still don’t think it’s right that i know the password.” you whisper as you push the door open.

“but i have a key to your house. what’s the difference?”

“i don’t know…” you begin removing your boots, carefully placing each one in the middle level of the shoe rack. “you live with six other people.”

“namjoon-hyung and yoongi-hyung are in their studios. the others went home.”

you enter the living room with jungkook hugging you from behind. his cheek rests on top of your shoulder, and he doesn’t want to let you go. the ride here was suffocating. he thought you wouldn’t talk to him for the rest of the night anymore.

you blink at jimin who is sprawled out on the sofa, a gray blanket that matches his sweatpants is covering his naked torso.

“why does he sleep here? doesn’t he have a bed?”

“the sofa is more comfortable.” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear as he opens his eyes halfway, but then he gives up and closes them again, curling in on himself to resume his slumber.

“okay… now i know what to get you for your birthday.”

for a brief second jungkook assumes that you’re joking, but you sounded way too nonchalant.

“a sofa?”

“a new mattress,” you blankly stare back at him, before proceeding to break free from his embrace to search for the bathroom.

he follows you like a lost puppy, whining. “why does he already have a birthday gift and i don’t?!”

“quiet!”

he winces. “sorry, hyung!”

—

you’re perched in the space between jungkook’s thighs, legs swung over one of them as he tenderly presses a cold compress against your left cheek. you’ve changed into the pair of pink cooky pajamas he wore a few times and has kept in his closet specially for you. sinking into his mattress, drowsiness has also begun to seep into the depths of your bones. it’s been an arduous week, and you’re exhausted of fighting in every sense of the word.

“he deserves more than what he got away with.” he mutters through gritted teeth.

“jungkook, enough.” you chide at him with a sigh. “let’s just forget about this.”

“your face is going to be bruised for atleast a week! how am i supposed to ‘just forget’? are you hearing yourself?”

your rhetoric question from earlier comes back to gnaw at your thread-like sanity. you feel backed into a corner. you can’t think of a solution that will put this issue at rest, much less make either one of you feel better.

“he’s not worth it.”

“you are to me.” he declares.

it’s impossible to argue with that. you want it to stay true. you want him to keep believing in you.

“i’m tired.” you whisper, removing yourself from his lap. “let’s go to sleep.”

he gazes at you with longing.

you are lying on his bed but you have never felt so far away.

“are we really not going to talk about this?”

“not now. i’m tired, jungkook.”

“baby…”

“juwon is a terrible person, but i had it coming…” you mumble. “that’s all there is to it.”

foreboding silence falls upon the bedroom. you can’t bring yourself to look at jungkook, so you close your eyes and pray that when the sun rises, this night will simply turn out to be a nightmare orchestrated by your wicked mind.

“whatever that is, it doesn’t warrant what he did.” he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, and it takes everything in you not to fall apart into a thousand shards. “and i’m sorry that i couldn’t stop it from happening.”

—

jungkook returns after his shower, not yet done with drying his dripping hair with a towel. you’ve drifted off to sleep in the time that he was gone, lips slightly parted open as you breathe out puffs of air in a steady rhythm. your hair is a halo and you’re an angel snoozing on a cloud.

he heard it loud and clear, and you haven’t denied it either, but there’s not a part of him that believes it. is he blindly in love with you? is this what he was warning him about? are you not an angel, but a siren?

wary of waking you up, he attaches a bandaid to your cheek. he flicks the lightswitch but he turns on the night lamp so you won’t have to manuever the dark incase you wake up in the middle of the night in need of the bathroom.

shit, shit, shit. he curses in his head when you begin shuffling as soon as he settles himself on the bed, but it’s just you unknowingly seeking for warmth in your sleep. he gathers you in his arms and your pillow is abandoned in favor of his naked chest. it always feels fitting, like his heart is the stuffed toy that you can’t go without at night.

he swallows the lump in his throat, brushing your hair away from your face to gently caress your soft skin. you look so serene. but your ex’s fingers can be traced on the red bruise that has tainted your cheek and his jaw clenches, hand momentarily balling into a fist to release the leftover anger still boiling in his blood. everyday, you feel the need to act tough because of people like him, and you are… but deep down, he knows, that you just crave to be loved.

“you loved me too. once.”

however, that has lost its meaning when juwon didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved.

and jungkook admits it’s not as easy for him to do in a whole different dimension. he leads a kind of life not everyone survives, but that never stopped him for trying his damn hardest.

—

you’re awoken in the middle of the night by jungkook’s forehead accidentally knocking against yours. his snoring doesn’t cease, however, and you had to remind yourself that this is the same boy who continued sleeping despite rolling off his inflated sleeping bag on camera.

you slowly sit up as you rub the sleep from your eyes. you spend an unknown amount of time spaced out, barely blinking. afterwards, you force yourself to leave the comfort of the bed, taking the cold compress along with you. you drain the melted ice over the kitchen sink before opening the refrigerator to refill it with ice cubes. you can’t help but to allow your eyes to wander around, which then leads you to contemplate on whether to cook ramen or not… but then again, it’s already 3am and most likely, you won’t be able to sleep again if you do.

“yah! why are doing just standing there?”

the deep voice echoes throughout the kitchen. you yelp in shock, nearly dropping the ice bag as you tap on your pounding chest.

“i told you to stop doing that!”

jimin bursts into a fit of too delighted giggles, hunched over the kitchen counter as he places a hand over his belly. he’s fully clothed this time, fresh from the shower, judging from his hair.

“it’s not funny!” you whine. “one of these days i might be holding a knife when you do that!”

“ey, what would you be holding a knife for? jungkook never lets you lift a finger while you’re here.”

that’s just because he knows you’re not very talented in the kitchen.

the wide smile on his face then fades, expression morphing into one of concern as he studies your face bathed by the refrigerator light.

“what happened to your face?”

fuck, you’ve completely forgotten about that.

“it’s a long story.” you sigh, closing the refrigerator.

“it’s alright. i have all the time in the world to listen.”

“you know that i really appreciate that and i’m grateful but…” your smile borders on a wince. “no, you don’t. get some more sleep, please.”

your unexpected response causes jimin to scratch his head shyly. the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds before laughing at the same time.

“oh, that’s right!” you pause on your tracks when an essential item pops in your mind. “do you have healing ointment? for cuts and bruises and stuff?”

“it’s for jungkook,” you add.

“doesn’t he have that?”

“it’s not here,”

your sweet smile tells jimin everything he needs to know.

“ah, that kid really comes home to different houses now. he’s all grown up.”

“…and how many exactly?” you arch an eyebrow.

he purses his lips together, jokingly pretending to think hard. “the dorm… and then his family… then there’s you?”

“anywhere else?”

“nope!”

“sooo, do you have it or not?”

“i’ll go downstairs and buy it right now.”

he offers you a kind smile and pats on the head. a protest dies down in your throat as he goes straight for the front door.

“thank you!”

“you’re welcome!”

—

despite your active efforts to avoid making any sort of noise, the door produces a small ‘click’ as you cautiously close it behind you. you discover that jungkook has flipped over to face your side, his arm outstretched as if he was reaching out for you. you almost feel bad for leaving him alone in bed, so you sit next to him, positioned on the lower half of the bed since he took up your space.

a short snore escapes him, one that rises then falls so abruptly, like a note on the piano pressed on accident. you cover your mouth to muffle your giggle.

how adorable. you have grown to tolerate, and even adore, his snoring.

stolen kisses on his bruised knuckles, tiny and featherlight, apologetic most of all. their bad condition brought upon by boxing worsened when he used his dominant hand bare, knuckles of his two longest fingers ripped. it seems that he did the bare minimum by putting a stop to the bleeding then washing them clean, then nothing else. he didn’t even tell you, didn’t complain or show any sign that he was in pain.

you hold the cold compress over his bruises, switching between his cheek and knuckles, mindful of not touching the wounds as to not aggravate him in his sleep.

you’ve been stripped down bare— your pride and dignity dismantled into pieces that create a picture of you that you do not like… but could be the love and sincerity in your heart be enough to live by? even if no one is awake to witness it?

you’re saved from drowning in your thoughts by the front door being unlocked. for the second time, you tiptoe your way out of jungkook’s bedroom.

“this is for wounds, and then…” jimin returns the tube inside the paper bag to grab the other. “this one, for bruises.”

“thank you. i’ll pay you back.”

“yah!” jimin expands his eyes threateningly, which you mimic in challenge as you hug the paper bag to your chest. “i’m also your older brother, okay? i should do these things for you.”

you scrunch your nose, to express disagreement at first, but later on it only makes your smile appear brighter.

“doesn’t it hurt you to smile? please use them well too, ____. do you understand? that’s why i bought the biggest ones!”

it does hurt.

“thank you…” you reply shyly.

you’ve forgotten how it feels like to be taken care of by family.

—

“baby, where did you go?”

jungkook’s raspy voice is music to your ears.

he woke up a mere minute ago, caught in the middle of sitting up on the bed once it caught up to his sleep-muddled brain that you’re no longer beside him.

“nowhere,”

you sit at the edge of the bed without another word, putting his hands over your lap to apply the healing cream to his afflictions.

his eyelids flutter in sleepiness as he watches your every movement.

a small dollop at the pad of your finger, transferred over his torn knuckle and smeared with the lightest of touch. occasionally your finger pauses, unsure, calculating— the last thing it wants is to hurt him.

he kisses your lips— he feels suspended in time—hasn’t quite reconnected with reality and with his body. wide-eyed, you seem taken aback by the display of affection. his mouth then softly curves with fondness.

“i love you.”

“i love you, too.” you whisper timidly.

your actions have become hurried, but jungkook is far too drowsy to notice your discomfort.

for the final part, you rub the cream on the bruise on his cheek. you press a kiss on the corner of his lips. “all done. go back to sleep.”

“let’s go,”

he hooks his arm under your knees, eager to carry you over to your side of the bed, but he gets interrupted by your protest.

“wait, wait, wait- i need to pee first.”

“wha- hurry!” he complains with a peeved frown, which you fail to catch a glimpse of because he has squeezed you taut against his body. “i won’t be able to sleep without you here.”

—

eternally cursed with the ability to feel too much of everything.

you push your back against the bathroom door, breathing heavy and labored as you blindly pat around for its lock. the click serves as the cue for your salty tears to drip from the edges of your eyelashes, cascading down, down, down your chin. some of them crash on the collar of your pajama top, the rest on the white tiled floor. this room is a stranger to your shipwreck, but old habits die hard.

the intense pressure of the water collides with the porcelain sink. rain and thunder and the gusts of wind being your gasps for air. an isolated storm undetected in the city of seoul you’re forced to brave alone, on the floor, tucked into yourself to protect the beating sacredness inside your ribcage. the sobs claw their way up your throat rather than soaring like exhales do.

no one has ever raised their hand at you. not even your parents. not even when you broke your grandmother’s precious china, or lost their big paper bills to the wind, or cursed at them for embarrassing you infront of your friends.

you want to be mad and say that juwon deserved what he got. you want to say that you hope his nose is broken. but you don’t know how one is supposed to react when something like that happens. you don’t know if it justifies everything after that. if the roles were reversed and you slapped him, won’t no one bat an eye?

…and you know jungkook has questions you still haven’t figured out how to answer. you know he now has reasons to doubt you. you know in his eyes, you may now be a hypocrite and not the advocate he adored. these days, you don’t really want to be seen as anything less or more than who you are, but you so desperately wish to be someone he is proud to love.

you feel mocked for even daring to dream of it.

“i’m tired, i’m tired, i’m tired.”

incoherent mumbles further stirs the unbridled chaos.

“i’m so sick of this. why… why do bad things keep happening to me?”

you don’t expect an answer but you yearn for some sort of meaning. you don’t mind suffering but you wish it could only be to an extent where you don’t have to fear.

echoes of rumbles and thunder. you’re nearer the sky but farther from heaven.

—

it’s been more than a week. you’ve been waking up with a gaping hole in the middle of your torso. you climb out of bed, cover up your cheek with make-up, good as new, and go about your day as if nothing happened. life on its own is already too much of a burden for you.

jungkook checks up on you everyday, though, despite his busy schedule. mostly through the phone, and whenever he can, he goes straight to where you are after work to dote on you no matter the time. he kisses you on the cheek, claims himself to have healing properties, and says i love you. and during those periods of time you were together, he hasn’t said another word about the incident. and it has been driving you absolutely insane.

you glance down at him, sat on the floor with an ipad balanced on top of his propped up knees, wearing one of your anti-radiation glasses as he finds himself absorbed in drawing the view a foot away from him. you.

“why do you keep looking at me?” he scolds you lightheartedly. “go back to studying so we can go to sleep.”

“can’t help it,” you mumble as you reposition your pen over the paper. you’ve been reorganizing your notes the whole night for your upcoming tests, but your mind keeps flying everywhere else. “my boyfriend’s too pretty.”

“ah, it can’t be helped then. sorry about that.” he smirks cockily, pulling the dramatics by switching his eyes between you and his back. “should… should i turn around then?”

“did you box again?”

the accusation is spat out before you can think twice.

“oh, you did. your knuckles are all messed up again.”

he pouts, crossing his legs. “but baby, i have to train... i wrapped my hands properly!”

“still,” you sigh. “can’t you just let them heal for a little while?”

you turn to the cabinet on your other side to bring out the pouch of healing ointments you’re now suspecting he brought and didn’t accidentally leave behind.

you lay out your hand, and jungkook puts his on top of yours, dragging himself close.

you both smile when you see that he has laid his hands over your thighs like he’s getting a manicure. silly boy. you pull them closer by his fingers so you can reach his red knuckles.

“why are you trying so hard?”

your finger is stained with his blood. your voice is as gentle as your touches, and that’s why it hurts.

jungkook doesn’t know either. he’s been trying to extinguish his leftover anger and bitterness through work and boxing— suppressing the onslaught of negative thoughts threatening to poison what the two of you have. jungkook doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t want anything to change. right now, he can’t afford them to.

“there’s no one to fight.”

“turns out there is,” he argues.

he regrets it as soon as your hand trembles.

“it’s okay… to ask. we’re in a relationship. you’re entitled to know things like that.” your eyes are unafraid again, and it scares him, like you’re always prepared to let him go. “i won’t get offended, or anything like that. if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“i trust you,” he says simply. “so i don’t need to know. especially if talking about it makes you uncomfortable. it’s okay… we’re okay, baby.”

stillness washes over the room like a tide that swallows everything up, and for a moment jungkook is convinced that the two of you will never bring it up again.

but the words you utter next are a punch to the gut.

they almost sound like a plead.

“but i can’t live my life that way, jungkook.”

strands of your hair descend to your face, framing it perfectly, but your eyes become hidden from view. you rip a bandaid open and blanket it over his two knuckles, still wounded as before, if not worse.

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know…” because there will be things i’d want to tell you, but wouldn’t feel the need to.

“then tell me,” he replies, prompted by a renewed determination. “i don’t just intend to be with you for a long time. i want way more than that.”

—

jungkook fiddles with the hello kitty bandaid using his thumb, mind reeling and grappling to process the overload of information told by your storytelling voice. all of a sudden, he’s grateful that you decided to lie down on the bed for this conversation.

“juwon was your boyfriend before me, no?”

“no, no, no. he was…” your lips part as if you have something more left to say, but you eventually give up. “yup, no.”

“so you found out that he’s been cheating on you for-for two mo-”

“three-”

“three months, and you…” he blinks. “slept with a stranger and let him catch you?”

“i was really petty. i was seventeen after all… my pride couldn’t take it. my friends- they tried to stop me but… but all i could think of was how to make him feel the way i was feeling.” your voice sounds small, smaller as you squeeze yourself into his side and curl up to hide your face. “so i let him think i was the bad guy.”

he understands that you were vengeful, but he doesn’t know if you comprehend the scale of what you have done.

“he looked so sad and hurt that i started to feel guilty. i don’t know if i was still acting when i was apologizing to him.” you scoff with eyebrows knitted together. “i felt so dirty… i still feel like a bad person, you know?”

you took the face of juwon’s demons and he didn’t like what he saw.

“i had it coming,” — he now has a grasp of what you meant before.

“so how has he been doing this to me for such a long time? how does he stomach it? knowing what i was going through? that’s what i thought… it makes me so upset…”

jungkook doesn’t try to assess you as you speak. he only listens, until your voice cracks. his heart is split into two as tears flood your eyes, escaping past the corners and slipping down to soak the fabric of his t-shirt.

you sniffle. “and the sex wasn’t even that great. i regret it even more.”

he flinches, abruptly squeezing his eyes shut. not that great? okay… okay. the mental image of you being physically intimate with someone that isn’t him definitely doesn’t sicken him to his core. at all. nope, nope, nope.

“fuck, baby, please,” he groans as if he is in pain, putting an arm over his eyes. “hearing about you have sex with other guys is making me want to punch something again. fuck.”

“that’s what you took away from the story?”

“yes!” he exclaims with conviction. “we should’ve met a year earlier. i would’ve let you use me!”

you gasp, scandalized. “oh my god! jungkook!”

“argh-” he animatedly clutches at his chest that caught your fist.

“you’re crazy!”

“uhuh, about you.” he proudly replies, pulling you closer to his side, as if that was still possible.

the subtle upwards of the corners of your lips gives him a sense of relief. he tenderly cups your cheek, his thumb ghosting over the bruise that has turned a darker shade of blue and purple.

“listen to me, i- i’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong. i’m not that type of person. but what i can do tell you is that this…” he briefly shakes his head. “didn’t change the way i see you at all. he hurt you. he cheated and you were hurt, ____.”

your eyes gleam with uncertainty, a fresh wave of tears threatening to escape. “are you sure?”

“of course i am. why wouldn’t i be sure?”

“because you’re crazy about me.”

the sweet innocence of your eyelashes fluttering elicits a chuckle from him. you’re so fucking cute.

“that’s the reason i’m sure.” he tilts up your chin to plant a kiss to your lips, mumbling. “i’ve never been wrong about anything i’m crazy about.”

“thank you,” you say quietly, melting into his embrace. you nuzzle your face against his chest, and at last, you grant your eyes rest. “i can finally sleep peacefully again.”

fuck, it’s been weighing on you this whole time and he didn’t know.

“i’m sorry i only dated assholes before you.”

“aish, why would you be sorry about such a thing?” he kisses the top of your head, gentleness contradicting his following sentence. “i’d crush each one of those assholes for you.”

and he’d beat himself up the worst if he ever becomes one of them.

you yawn, sniffling right after. “mhm, i bet you will.”

he carefully rolls over to the side so he can wrap both arms around you, and you keen in contentment.

“jungkook?”

“yes, baby?” he coos.

“i… really… love you so, so, so much. you are… the one person i’d die for before i hurt.”

goddammit, it’s an angel sleeping in his arms.

“that’s a relief to hear. you’re very smart and scary when you’re mad.”

“eh, jungkook! i swear i’ve grown up! i’m not like that anymore!”

“okay, okay!” he laughs at your childish whining and squirming as he ushers you back in his embrace. “i believe you! i trust you! i love you too!”

—

although you spend more nights together in your apartment for your safety and convenience, in all honesty, you like staying over at jungkook’s more. his smell evokes the sentiment of home, and when you stay long enough, it becomes a temporary part of you. you’re gradually more well-versed in the organized and unorganized corners of his room. you like that you know where he keeps the safety pins and you know to be careful when walking so you won’t trip over his dumbbells he leaves lying around. and it’s a little ridiculous but… you like that his mattress is on the floor and you don’t really know why.

your boyfriend is still blissfully asleep as you climb over him, landing on the floor without a sound like a veteran spy. however, you rush to step out of the room before the rumbling of your empty stomach could wake him up.

“yah, thief! what do you think you’re doing?!”

“fuck!” the pack of ramen hits the floor when your hands fly to your chest to clutch at your painfully pounding heart. “i swear to god, you’re going to kill me one day!”

and unsurprisingly, your chagrin is countered yet again with jimin’s all too pleased laughter.

“____, you look so suspicious! why are you using a flashlight? we have electricity! we can pay for it!”

“i don’t like it too bright, okay?” you grumble as you pick up your supposed midnight meal.

“let’s just turn on this one then.”

“uh-” the objection dies down in your throat when the light over the dining table was switched on.

“i’m hungry, too. grab two more packs of ramyeon, please.”

“who’s the other one for?”

jimin fills the pot with water from the sink while you pick up two more of the same pack from the pantry.

“just us. don’t you agree that one pack is too small for one person?”

“it’s just enough for me though?” you rip open the packs one by one to retrieve the packets of seasonings. “with your job, though, i’d definitely have a bigger appetite.”

“alright,” he pouts, pretending to be upset. “let’s have just two then.”

“no, no, no-” you chase his hand, tightly gripping the last pack that he stole. “let’s have three! let’s have three! i didn’t eat dinner!”

—

“my mom brought a lot of kimchi yesterday. there’s an entire box in the fridge. i’ll pack you some before you leave later.”

“put some more in,” you say cutely as you peer down at the pot of ramen beside jimin. “please?”

he chuckles, adhering to your request before handing the container to you.

“thank you!”

you hop on the counter infront of the stove, chewing on a mouthful of kimchi with a joy akin to a child receiving a sweet treat. leaving the ramen to cook for the next five minutes, jimin sits a few feet away.

“aigoo, are you that hungry?”

“this is so delicious!” you praise his mother’s cooking instead of answering the question. “i can really eat this on its own.”

“ey, don’t fill yourself up yet! we have a lot of ramyeon to eat!”

“sorry, sorry!”

your giggles fill the apartment with warmth during this freezing winter. jimin didn’t doubt it when jungkook said that you light up every room you enter, he just didn’t expect that he would also gain a friend.

“how’s your cheek?”

“as you can see,” you motion at your face. “yellow. soooo… uglier.”

“that means it’s healing well.”

“i know,” the apples of your cheek become plump as your lips curve. “it no longer hurts to smile.”

“that’s a relief to hear,” he returns your kind smile. “jungkook has been worried about you.”

that’s the end of what he can tell you. jungkook won’t be pleased if you learn that he cried when he talked about the horrible thing that happened to you.

“thank you,”

“huh? for what?”

“being jungkook’s happiness.”

from his peripheral vision, he perceives your surprise. however, he is too flustered to meet your eyes while he is speaking from the bottom of his heart.

“the past year was physically and mentally draining for the team. as you know, we… we were considering giving up and disbanding. and of course it’s hard on all of us, but i’m really, really worried about jungkook. but!”

he chuckles at the dramatic rise of his own voice.

“i’m less worried now that you’re in his life. and i’m not saying this to put pressure on you or anything! but you see, when he’s tired, he bounces back quickly because of you. he’s smiling more because of you. and i know it goes it also goes the other way around. mhmm… i-i guess what i’m saying is that i hope you can continue being each other’s strength? be each other’s cheerleader?”

you have begun to feel emotional as you listened to his sincere and heartwarming words, but you can’t help but to cackle at the fact that you just witnessed the park jimin say the word ‘cheerleader’ while daintily waving his hands around as they were holding pompoms. how awfully endearing.

“…or something like that.”

uncontrollable giggles vibrate his body, dramatically slipping down the counter and onto the tiled floor to enshroud himself in extreme sheepishness.

“ah, ____! this is driving me crazy! don’t laugh!”

“what are you doing lying on the floor?” you playfully scold him, recording with your phone in secret. “why do i suddenly feel like the older one?”

“what’s with the noise?”

you whip your head around, wide curious eyes greeted with a shirtless jungkook who is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“is that ramyeon…? i want some too.”

jimin groans when he feels your foot poke him lightly.

“mister, can we add more? my googie is hungry too.”

—

“hyung, ____ told me something recently that really put a lot of things into perspective.”

and with that, jimin pours another bottle of beer in his and jungkook’s ice-filled mugs. “let me hear it.”

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know. at first i didn’t understand what it meant? then after we talked, something clicked for me. ahhh, i see it now. ____ didn’t want us to trust each other blindly… because that… that isn’t a good… foundation? for something that i want to last for a very long time. you, me, the members… don’t we all trust each other because we know that we’re good people to our core and we’re good at what we do? isn’t that why we have come this far, and why we keep going? besides army, of course!”

jimin blinks lazily, glossy eyes from the alcohol underneath it all. “that’s right. we wouldn’t have started this anyway… without that kind of trust. i don’t think it’s a connection you can just build with anyone too.”

“oh, that’s it. that’s right!”

“living together for a long time doesn’t guarantee it.”

“exactly.” jungkook nods repeatedly, probably too passionately, a guaranteed ticket for a hangover later on. “we talked about that last time too.”

“right? so we should protect it… maintain it… never lose sight of our purpose…”

the lack of words that follow does not equate to silence. glasses clink against each other and teeth rip bags of chips open and noodles are slurped. they’re overseas and they can’t go to a korean restaurant and grill their own meat. the hotel steak would take forever to arrive and quite frankly, they had it yesterday and it was not good. this is not exactly ideal, but it has its own charm.

jungkook takes another swig of the bittersweet alcohol, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards.

“____ has become an important part of my life that i would do anything to protect too. how do i say it…?” he exhales to relieve the heavy weight on his chest. “i feel like i gained more purpose in life, hyung… to be honest, i might have a harder time because of that. i know it but… i’m happy. seriously, i’m happy.”

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

[arinzu]

My Headcannons for Yoichi Isagi, Rin itoshi and Alexis Ness💕

Part 1 l part 2

Might not be accurate

💗💗💗

Yoichi Isagi :

✿He took a photo once of his hair slick back and his fan went absolutely feral.

✿He time to time stalks Rin to observe what he does.

✿Isagi probably stares at the ceiling when he's about to sleep and think about all of the opportunities he missed.

✿If he played any other sports it would be chess, since his vision is great for mental games.

✿Tbh is he was a sin he would be greed/gluttony.

✿If he could ask anything from his parents, it would be to have a little sis.

✿Does skin, body and hair care every few days.

✿Swears in videos games often. Those little brats think they're so gOoD but once isagi finishes his puzzle he'll devour them

✿Tried to hit Kaiser in the head with the ball after a practice match, but Noel Noah was there

✿Gossips with kurona and hiori about kaiser and ness, It's perfect since kurona doesn't know what they're doing but hiori has a lot of dirt on them.

Boyfriend Headcannons💤

♡Plays football w/ u and teaches you by beating you, not even to destroy your self esteem.

♡ such a sweetheart while you are on your menstrual cycle (if you're a girl)

♡ gossip about every teammate with you, like a whole book of players he wants to gossip to you about

♡ once you were sick, he drove to the local store at 2 am just for you. He's so sweet.

♡ Cooks very well like he'll cook food decently

♡ Not that toxic? Maybe that's probably up for debate

♡tells you about his problems like it's the national news to be discuss

♡ Has that romantic playlist he made just for you and him to enjoy.

♡Due to being in blue lock he hasn't texted you often so in return he tries to send gifts every month

♡ Calls you darling and sweetheart multiple times a day

Rin itoshi

✿Drools in his sleep (Me too Rin)

✿I feel like he'll stand awkwardly in a party not even interacting with anyone

✿Is good at cleaning, not barou level but up there

✿Perfect grammar, also TOP at his English

✿Never uses any gen-z/alpha slangs or any type of slang infact

✿Dry ass texter...

✿Gets really weirded out by any of his THOSE fangirls/fanboys... Like wdym you wanna have the reproduction LIKE HE'S ONLY 16

✿Knows knife play at some point, don't ask him why (he doesn't know)

✿Artistic in secret... Like he'll paint the beach or anything that shows the happy times of him and sae

✿Gets nightmares of that day... (Pretty sure everyone has that headcannon by now)

Boyfriend Headcannons💤

♡Cuddles every time he gets a chance with you. That kinda prevents him from getting those dreams....

♡ even if he's not as romantic as the others, you guys still go on weekly dates and THEY are expensive or just casual date like movie date🫶

♡After getting traumatized by sae, he almost broke up with you, Thank goodness, that you manage to make him snap out of it.

♡ After getting convinced by your and his parents he went to couple counseling and saw his mistakes

♡One of his favorite things to do with you is Playing football, I mean two things he loves in one? Count him in!

♡ Bring extra clothes with him whenever you're around, just in case it gets cold and he doesn't need to give you his hoodie.

♡Does not have much of a soft spot for you BUT, his eyes sparkle whenever he sees you like the good old times

♡ Almost made you cry when you both were on a movie date, it was those scary ahh movies that you don't know what's coming next.

♡Has a separate Love notebook from his early days of middle school that he reads when he misses you.

♡Calls you lukewarm as a word of affection when he sees you

Alexis ness

✿Would probably be in good terms with isagi if it didn't end like this

✿Has a mental breakdown every few days because of kaiser paying too much attention to isagi

✿Makes Kaiser a birthday cake every year and even bought him EXPENSIVE stuff from his hometown

✿Keeps the magician outfit he had when he was just a child, he cherish it like it's the most valuable thing in the whole universe

✿Would be friends w/ Charles if they interacted more, I mean like opposite friends, Ya'k

✿If richer than his awful siblings back home, if not then... It's because of the plot.

✿If he didn't met kaiser he'll probably be better than what he is now.

✿Has surprisingly good fashion taste, It's better than most blue lockers I can tell you

✿Has that changing color book lamp at the side of his bed he use when he's upset or just sad

✿He would like science if it weren't for the fact of his childhood

Boyfriend Headcannons 💕

♡Is actually quite the gentleman to you and your family members, since he a very toxic household

♡Always makes your favorite dish, if he doesn't know the recipes he'll find it by your guardian/ by how you like it.

♡Gives you a lot of gifts, I MEAN A LOT like everyday you'll find things that you enjoy at your doorstep

♡Due to being away from blue lock, he gets awfully jealous of the boys around you. Even if it's just a friend

♡Husband material frfr

♡ Punch a dude that was making you uncomfortable, and then ran with you to flee the scene.

♡Prefers the value of affection than the materialistic value of a gift you give him

♡ Loves being the small spoon but if you want, he can be the big spoon, anything for his precious angel.

♡Yandere tendency!!! Whether a girl or boy, he will get jealous if you spend more attention on them than him!

♡Call you angel or any kind of German words of affection, he will use it

That's it y'all💋

Thank you for reading this! It too me longer than expected!

So thank you for staying till the end even tho it was just 3 blue lock characters!

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TSC CHAPTER ELEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

STARTING OFF THE CHAPTER STRONG AS FUCK DISASTER BISEXUAL JEAN MOREAU AWARENESS

picturing jean in a pair of raybans is good for my mental health

-

“Missed a couple spots. Need a hand?”

jeremy u flirt

-

do the trojans ever realise that jean is NOT IN FACT deaf and standing right in front of them when they are talking about him?

-

oh ok so chapter 11 is in fact worse than chapter 10

if anyone reading this has ever believed that they deserved the abuse, trauma/suffering they’ve experienced, i’m here to tell u right now that nobody deserves that and it is not ever ur fault, no matter what others might say or try to convince u. whatever happened to u is unequivocally not ok. please seek help from a professional if u are worried about urself or others in ur life.

if u have ever felt uncomfortable or violated in certain situations just know that no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the situation may seem (i use these terms loosely because i do not believing in ranking peoples traumas), ur feelings are 100% valid and u always always deserve to be respected and heard.

i hope u know that u are not alone and never will be.

sending lots of love to all of u

-

wtff jenkins is a girl?? did we all know this or have i just read too many fanfics always thought jenkins was a guy?

-

It was sacrilegious even in the privacy of his head, and Jean hunched his shoulders against a blow that never came.

fuck that’s a good line. traumatic as fuck and makes me wanna cry for all these boys have gone through but god as an ex-catholic raised queer person i can tell u this line struck hard even though i cant relate to the specifics of the scene

-

Jean didn’t mind cooking, but he didn’t say that. This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could. He closed his eyes again, but now his thoughts were snagged on Jeremy. At length he broke the silence to say, “Two beds would fit in here.”

jean moreau u are so loved

-

“You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

THE PARALLELS IN THIS BOOK ARE FUCKING KILLING ME PLS NORA LET ME LIVE IN PEACE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE

ANDREIL EXISTS IN EVERYTHING

-

Just because he had to meet with this man didn’t mean he had to speak to him.

jean, u diss aaron earlier in the books but really ur just the same as him

-

betsy dobson to the mother fuckibg rescue someone get this bitch a ‘worlds best therapist’ mug

and jean, dude do u know how fucking similar u and neil are, seriously like u guys should be besties like-

“It was not my choice,” he sent back in warning. “I do not need counseling.” He didn’t trust her at all, but there was no point spelling it out.

CHAPTER TWELVEE

dude wtf is it with me and napping while tryna finish this book, literally just accidentally fell asleep for 2.5 hrs when i could’ve been reading

-

“Imagine getting changed so we can practice,” Jean said.

king is fed uppp

-

“It’s not about size, anyway.” ​“Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. ​Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

OKKKK JEREMY I SEE U

-

“That’s not—I do care. I want you to play with us, and I want you to have fun again. I want to see what you can do on the court and what you bring to our defense line. I want us to finally win this year after coming so close and failing too many times. But it’s just a game, Jean. Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.”

GOOD GOD ITS WHAT U DESERVE JEAN

-

“Every time you say that you take a year off my life. I’d really like to live to ninety, so please knock it off.”

now the trojans understand how the foxes feel when neil whips out his ‘im fine’ line,, also i’m never gonna stop saying that neil and jean should be besties it’s literally just a fact

“I do not believe you when you are drinking such filth,” Jean said, with a disapproving look toward her drink. Laila stared him down as she sucked a long gulp through the straw,

this book is so devastatingly depressing and explores some of the most horrible traumatic things that could happen to a person but it’s interspersed with some of the funniest scenes that it gives me whiplash

-

“Pat and Ananya have wanted to fuck Cody’s brains out for almost a year now. I really thought Cody moving in with them this summer was going to finally get that ball moving, but apparently not. It’s getting kind of pitiful.” ​“Pat and Ananya have been engaged almost as long as Cody has known them,” Laila pointed out as she fit herself against Cat’s side. “You can’t blame Cody for being scared of where they might belong in something like that.”

NORA GIVING US THE POLYAMORY WE DESERVE AFTER CUTTING KANDREIL FROM THE OG BOOKS LETS GO QUEER REP

YK THAT RUNNING JOKE THAT USC IS THE QUEEREST TEAM AND NOBODY HAS AS MANY GAYS AS THEY DO??? IM SO FUCKIBG HAPPY NORA HAS BASICALLY MADE THAT CANNON

-

CHAPTER 13333

jeremy is so hopelessly crushing on jean and that’s real of him

meanwhile jean:

Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth.

sureee buddy

-

They’d arrived holding hands and dressed in matching cream-and-teal outfits. Even their gold-rimmed sunglasses and teal sneakers were identical.

well that is definitely an outfit!

-

“Speaking of happy endings, has Laila bought you a sex toy yet?”

EXCUSE ME

this whole scene was so fucking random but jean deserves great friendships

-

ANOTHER TRANS TROJAN LETS FYCKING GOOOOOO CONGRATS ON UR TOP SURGERY XAVIER

-

‘i’m sure the ravens wouldn’t have taken neil in if they’d known he was the son of a mob boss!!’

uhhhhh…

i don’t know how to tell u this buddy

-

dude i just cannot stop think about the whole new world of fanfics we’re gonna get now that tsc has come out like the aftg universe is expanding and becoming more detailed it’s gonna be crazy

chapter 14!!!

-

Jean eyed him. “For what purpose?” ​Jeremy looked to the ceiling for patience. “For fun.” ​Jean sighed as if Jeremy was the one being unreasonable.

oh jean we’ll get there eventually

-

Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who’d learned years ago not to bite back.

OH MY FUCKING GOD GIVE ME PEACE

MY CHEST IS ACHING AT THIS METAPHOR

-

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THE PARALLELS ARE DESTROYING ME I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.”

-

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it. But I’m not sorry he’s gone. I can’t be.”

“Neither am I.”

TEAR MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT NORA JESUS CHRIST

-

everytime one of the trojans says ‘we’re here to listen whenever your ready to talk and open up to us’ and then they go and demand he tell them every secret he’s ever kept

-

kevin and jeans relationship in this book is so fucking well written, it’s tearing me apart and giving me so much life

they have so much shared trauma and the relationship is so complex but they understand eachother so deeply

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” ​“I will wait as long as it takes,”

“Be careful with it,” Kevin said. “Be careful with him.”

-

“Night practices with Andrew and Neil,” Kevin said. ​“Obsessed,” Jeremy

exy fiend kevin day representation

also

“No, Jean is fine. As fine as he can be, anyway. Yes, I know.” (kevin when talking to someone ‘offscreen’) i just know he was talking to neil

-

She crossed the room and leaned over, catching Jean’s head in her hands so she could plant a kiss to the top of his head.

this is the love jean deserves

chapter 15:

“Your fourth line has a smart mouth, Coach,” Jean said. “I was hoping he would bite his tongue off in the fall and save us both some grief in the long run.”

jean i love u

-

Jean wished he had the common sense to shut up,

he’s so me

-

“And keep Kevin’s name out of your ignorant mouth,”

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME UR HONOUR

-

i keep forgetting that jean only learnt english after he moved into evermore and that kevin probably taught him but i love the subtle little reminders every now and then when he has to clarify a word, like when he has to ask what a ‘floozy’ is and:

due to egregious injuries.” ​Jean didn’t recognize that word, but since Lucas was already running his mouth, he didn’t get a chance to ask.

it’s such a good detail that just adds so much more depth to his character

-

“Permission to break his face, Coach?” Jean asked. ​“Denied,” White said.

SCREAMING

THIS IS SO NEIL AND WYMACK CODED I LOVE IT

-

JEAN MOREAU ON A MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLE HOLY SHIT

catalina alvarez u wonderful human i love u

-

jean realising how big the world is and the fact that he’s explored more of california than any other place he’s been before is making me tear up he never should’ve been kept trapped inside he deserves to see the world

-

So long as she existed as fractured memories, she was safe and small and sheltered.

oh god don’t do this to me

-

Jean gazed out at the endless horizon, feeling small and infinite from one moment to the next.

beautiful, just beautiful, absolutely immaculate

A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads.

A COOL EVENING BREEZE. RAINBOWS. OPEN ROADS

-

SECOND LAST CHAPTER!!! LETS GOOO

“He is not going to hit you. Okay? We don’t do that here. You said you’d try to do better and that’s enough for us.”

starting off strong

-

You’re one of my kids now.

don’t mind me i’m just sobbing

-

no no no no no no no no no

holy shit no what the fucking fuck

don’t do this to jean rn oh my fucking god i’m sick to my stomach on the verge of fully crying right now

actually dreading reading on right now

-

um ok yeah so i read it and to anyone who hasn’t finished the book yet beware there is a graphic violent scene followed by an intense panic attack in chapter 16 that’s is very difficult to read

i did cry and all i can say is thank fuck for lisinski’s timing

-

Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” ​“I do not want you to look.” ​It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie,

-

only redeeming part of this chapter is that neil’s back but i’m still in so much shock over what’s just happened that i cant properly appreciate him

chapter 17 the finale:

feeling incredibly somber as i reach the end of the book

please god destroy anyone who has ever hurt jean moreau

-

nora’s really filling in all the plot holes left from aftg - why did nobody question why neil’s hair was dyed after evermore ????? why did nobody question neil being at evernote in the first place???

-

i’m laughing at neil’s map print-outs he’s so uncool, also i keep forgetting this is still meant to be 2007

-

jean-yves moreau oh my fucking god

-

“says who?” Stuart asked. “The dead kid?

stuart hatford u are so funny, is this where neil inherited is sarcasm from?

stuart hatford says fuck riko and so do i

-

Neil shrugged. “Do you have anyone who can take on local work?”

NEIL JOSTEN U ARE MY HERO I LOVE U U BADASS MOTHER FUCKER

-

Neil offered her a disarming smile that would never sit quite right on his face.

devouring these scraps about my boy

-

YOOOO WTF NORA RLLY JUST WANTED TO GIVE JEAN THE WORST FUCKING DAY HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HUH?? JUST DROPPED THE FACT THAT HIS SISTER IS DEAD MY POOR BOY

-

Neil filled in the finer details with an ease that would have been impressive to listen to any other day

- yes neil is incredibly smart, thank u jean for confirming to us

-

The only thing left to ask for was something he barely understood: “I want to go home.”

oh the complicated nature of home and one’s sense of belonging that persists throughout these books will never fail to make me feel absolutely everything. nora knows exactly what i want in a book

-

“I can see the kitchen. There should be a door out to where the dumpsters are. We can make it back to the garage from there.”

to be loved by neil josten is to be offered a way to evade the fbi together

-

“Tedious,” Neil said. “I’m trying to eat.”

my hero

Neil waited until he was done before deciding he wanted to finish his drink. Neither agent was impressed with their absolute lack of urgency,

i love u neil josten pls give me ur autograph

Neil, being the person he was, pointed at the fire hydrant adjacent to its front bumper and said, “That’s illegal, just so you know.” ​“Shut up and get in the car.”

i wish neil josten was real

-

He couldn’t fear a government who was so easily infiltrated and manipulated

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

-

Neil flipped his takeout box open and started eating. “I’m allowed to visit people.”

he’s everything to me 🥰

-

“You’re one to accuse others of intolerable attitudes,” Browning said, and Neil only shrugged indifference.

and—for once—without any of your usual bullshit.”

- browning u love him just like the rest of us don’t lie rn

-

ngl i’m never getting over the fact that jean and neil are the same age like this is crazy to me nora whyd u have to do this i cant cope

-

“The more people I hold onto, the less of a threat I am, because I won’t want to endanger them by acting out.”

oh neil look how far uve come, i’m so proud

-

“Lock your door tonight if it will help, but Grayson will never bother you again.”

THANK U LORD FOR THE BRILLIANT NEIL JOSTEN HES ANSWERED MY PRAYERS U BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL HUMAN IM SO THANKFUL FOR UR PRESENCE

all my favourite bamf! neil fics have him taking out a hit on someone for the benefit of the people he loves and i’m so glad that’s canon

-

i’m going fucjing crazy i didnt think it was possible to love neil anymore than i already do

best friends ❤️

-

jean tearing up and throwing away the notebooks and realising he trusts the trojans and the four of them going to eat one of cats new recipes after they waited up last midnight for him

A COOL EVENING BREEZE RAINBOWS OPEN ROADS AND FRIENDS

!!!!!

I CSNT BELIEVE ITS OVERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HOLY FUCK

[vettelinyourarea]

angst, memories by conan gray for ollie pls!

memories - oliver bearman

genre: angst

word count: 1,247

inspired by memories by conan gray

warning: english is not my first language

thank you so much anon for sending in the request! and this is my first ever request + angst, so, feel free to give me any feedback and hope you enjoy!

It’s been a couple months

That’s just about enough time

For me to stop crying when i look at all the pictures

It’s been two months since Ollie ended his relationship with you. The two years you spent with each other, it just end like that one night. “I want to focus on my formula 2 career,” he had said when he explained why he wanted to end things. 

It should have been easy for Ollie to move on from you right? Afterall, he’s the one who end things between the two of you. But, why is it taking everything in him to hold himself from calling you after every race? Just how it once was.

It’s late, I hear the door

Bell ringing and it’s pouring

I open that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance

You just wanna talk and

I can’t turn away a wet dog

You remember the first time you saw Ollie again after things ended between the two of you. It was a rainy night, you were sitting in your apartment, reading a book with music softly playing on the background. It was 1 am when suddenly your doorbell rings. Once, you ignore it, twice, you got confused, and thrice when you finally decide to check on it. 

It was Ollie who came to you. He was all wet from the rain and his brown eyes are red from crying it seems. It hurts you when you saw him like this, his curly hair all messed up adn wet, his smile you used to love all gone from his face. But you knew that he also hurt you. You remember how you cried for so many nights when it happened. You remember your friends trying to get you out of bed and entertain you because of him. But still, you can’t help but feel your heart ache when you saw him like that, standing at your doorway. 

“I need to talk to you,” he said after you asked him what he’s doing late at night coming to your apartment.

And who are you to turn him away?

But please don’t ruin this for me

Please don’t make it harder than it already is

I’m trying to get over this

That night, you talked like how you used to. He told you everything about formula 2, and you told him everything about your college life. He also told you how things are, how none of it was going as how he wanted. How he can’t concentrate without you, waiting for him in the garage, like how it used to be.

You wanted to hug him then and there, you want to kiss him and said that everything is going to be okay. But you knew that you should never do that. You knew that you can’t go back to him after everything that happened. “Please don’t say that,” you said instead. “You knew it won’t work out. You knew we, won’t work Ollie.” You said trying to hold back your tears.

That night, Ollie left your apartment, leaving with two broken hearts.

I wish you would stay in my memories

But you show up today, just to ruin things

I wanna put you in the past ‘cause I’m traumatized

Ollie knew deep down, that things won’t return as how it was before. He knew that he had ruin everything he used to have with you. But still, he can’t help it when he still remember your smile, when he still remember your laugh, how safe he feels whenever you hugged him. And tonight, he couldn’t hold himself from calling you. He missed you too much, he just want to hear your voice.

Ollie needs you in his life, you’re the one who keep him sane from all the crazy things happening in his world. You are the one who keep him safe from the outside world. But he ruined it, and he relized it when it was already far too late.

“I’m sorry, please give me another chance,” he said everytime he called you. He still called you after every race, and how thankful he is because you still pick up his call and comfort him after all he did to you. But tonight is different, and he could sense it the second you pick up his call.

“Please stop Ollie,” you said. And Ollie knew what you meant. He knew that this moment will come and he dreads it, he wants to stop the time and prevent this moment from coming. “Please stop calling me. Please stop ruining things for me.” You said before ending the call.

And it was the last time you picked up his call.

I promise that the ending always stay the same

So there’s no good reasoning in make believing that we could ever exist again

Maybe you’re way too harsh and cruel to Ollie. And it’s taking everything in not to call him and take back what you said. It took everything in you not to pick up his call. After what you said that night, he still tries to call you after every race, leaving voicemails for you because you wouldn’t pick up. 

You couldn’t count how many times you fell asleep while his voicemail was playing on your phone. Even after all the heartbreaks he gave you, he still managed to give you a little bit of comfort you knew all too well. 

But you knew you will never getting back to him. You knew that nothing can ever happen again between you and Ollie, no matter how much you want to. You knew that there is not good in believing you two could ever exist again.

I can’t be your friend, can’t be your lover

Can’t be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love

With somebody other than me

Six months. It has been six months since things ended between Ollie and you. Another six months was the time it took you to finally open up your heart again. Another six months was the time it took Ollie to finally see you again in person. It was right before a race when he saw you in the paddock, talking with another guy. 

It was right after the race when he found out that you have found someone else. “What are you doing here?” he asked you when you came to him. He had DNF in the race, and all he wanted right now was to hug you and ask you to comfort him, to tell him that everything is fine and you will always be there right next to him.

But instead, what he got was a broken heart. “I came with my boyfriend, he’s a huge formula 1 fan,” you said while looking back at the guy you had talked before with a huge smile on your face. 

How his world crumbled when he heard you, when he saw you smiled so brightly at a guy that was not him. He never seen you looked so happy before. 

How he wants to scream at anyone, at you, at your boyfriend, when he realized that there’s no chance left for him in getting you back into his life.

“Congrats.” He said with a bitter smile, before he turned away from you and walked away from you. That moment, he walked away from you and your life. Because it would be the last time he talked to you.

[gyunglitter]

the links

- just you dicking around with txt college!au besties

warnings: not edited, kinda long, mentions of gym bros, bitchless behavior, drunk fighting, mentions of camp rock, cursing, prolly should’ve put that last before the other lmao, partying, suspicious tampering with drinks

tags: txtxreader (platonic), non-idol!au, college!au, txt, lag, tomorrowxtogether, lesserafim, hansohee, drabble fics!, bulletpoint fics!

notes: bro i’ve been sitting on this for a while, but since i got sick, i finally had the time to actually write this—not very drabble fic of me, but i hope yall enjoyed it :) feel free to send in asks/requests abt this au!!

⚤ masterlist

just how did this rag tag group get together?

tbh with yall

the losers club took a while to actually get established

like

we’re talkin the end of the winter semester babes

to be fair tho☝️🤓

each of you were either awkward, antisocial, or autistic

but you all came around eventually

through small and simple means, the hottest friend group came to be!!

yeonjun + taehyun:

met in calc 101 in the winter semester

taehyun needed the class for his major

but yeonjun accidentally stumbled in on the first day and felt too awkward to leave

he tried to play it cool like he totally belonged

but taehyun could tell right when he sat next to him and his gigantic water bottle and protein shake

it only sealed the deal when yeonjun asked to borrow a pencil

“thanks! oh wow…i don’t think i’ve seen a pencil like this”

“it’s a mechanical..?”

“aha, yeaaaaaah…”

they really looked like 🤨 and ✌🏽🤪✌🏽

the both of them simultaneously felt transported back to their high school days

with yeonjun’s jockiness and taehyun’s brutal deadpan

the two intimidated the HELL out of each other😭

they were extremely awkward despite trying to act like they weren’t they totally were

but that hour of calc was pure torture

yeonjun made sure to stay far away from the engineering building after that lmao

it was only when they accidentally ran into each other at the gym that they bonded

after yeonjun almost dropped the bar on himself and his initial spotter got distracted

he swore he was gonna quite literally off himself at that moment

yeonjun was surprised to see the small kid from calc save him from his death with only ONE arm

an arm that was as big as HIS HEAD?!?! :O

after that, the two saw each other very often and became the ultimate Gym Bros🔥💪🏽

which took a lot of emotional work on both ends after their traumatic high school days

but taehyun STANS yeonjun and his diligence to zumba!

while yeonjun admires taehyun’s pull game when they go to the club together!

they became an unlikely platonic match made in heaven :D

soobin + hueningkai:

this friendship was DESPERATE

to be fr

soobin was LONELY :(

he’d be starting his third year of college and had yet to find his forever-friends his therapist promised he’d make once he made it to college!!

it wasn’t until he met his double at the Video and Audio Enthusiasts club meeting

a club created solely to use the conputer and projector room from 5-6pm every thursday to watch jujutsu kaisen without the faculty knowing

soobin had been apart of the club since his sophomore year when it started, but there was only so much socializing he could do with the same three people who come

at least until a very green freshman!kai walked in!!

it was kai’s first semester and first week away from home

and boy was he nervous

his older sister who had just graduated from the same college forced him to sign up for clubs in order to make good friends

she held his precious molang plushie hostage until he came back with proof of signing up for at least one club :(

BUT HE WAS SO OVERWHELMED AT CLUB RUSH??

all these ppl pitching why their club was so great with their bright posters, over enthusiastic campaigners, and loud music blasting from portable speakers???

kai just wanted to go back to his room and down the tub of mint choco he left in his mini fridge

but alas

the things he does for molang !! >.<

he signed up for the audio and visual enthusiasts club solely bc there was only one person manning the table

and she was knocked out

so when he signed up, he skedaddled out of there with the intention of showing up to one meeting before staging a dramatic but undeniable leave of absence

for the rest of the year >:)

little did he know his first day would bring him an adorable, lanky man who would never leave him alone!!

fr tho

soobin saw this 6’0 child who gave off “i WILL bit you” vibes and said

“he’s mine”

and the rest was history tbh

you never really see one without the other with the way they leech on to each other

the two of them honestly are complete angels together

beomgyu + you:

now

YOU TWO

if soobin and kai are angels, yall are the goddamn devils💀

you guys actually met your freshman year

you shared a lot of the same generals, but didn’t interact that much

mainly bc beomgyu was typically either gaming or sleeping in

meanwhile you always showed up to class zooted

unlike your classes that focused on your major, your generals were classes you couldn’t care less about

and your grades sure did show for it😬

your parents and teachers were worried you were gonna flunk out after your first semester and lose your scholarship

it wasn’t until the two of you were thrown together for a group project that things changed

forced proximity trope🥵

but not for the reasons you’re thinking!!

instead of working together, pulling all nighters, and trauma bonding together

you guys were the only ones slacking during all of the group meetings

the both of you succeed in pissing the other members off as yall constantly showed up late, distracted each other with origami cranes/airplanes/SMASH, and once got the group kicked out of the library for trying to secretly smoke a bowl behind the stacks

but you blamed that on beomgyu and his weak lungs

safe to say, you and beomgyu did a great job of alienating yourselves from the other members in your group

(fun fact: soobin was one of them—he HATED yall)

but you two ultimately bonded after skipping one of the meetings when you bumped into each other on campus and decided to go to the arcade down the street instead LMAO

after successfully beating him at the racing games and letting him win the sharpshooter games, the two of you were inseparable!!

especially since yall flunked that class and had to take it again the next semester lmao

you almost lost your scholarship

but for the rest of your classes, beomgyu helped you cram for your exams!

turns out your stoner-gamer-boy-bestie used to be student body vice president in high school??

he helped you pass the rest of your classes your freshman and sophomore years, in exchange you let him collect all your scarabs😭

hueninkai + taehyun:

this friendship is so cute omg

this came during winter semester, after kai established a friendship with soobin and restored some of his self-confidence

and with all his new, interesting classes finally catering to his curious nature

kai had started to branch out of his shell and thrive in the college environment

he still didn’t have any friends besides soobin, but he faced everyday with a bright smile :)

and then there was taehyun

fall semester had not been kind to him, having no time for socializing quite yet :(

poor taehyun at the time was exhausted from his ridiculous workload and would show up to class half dead each morning

BUT IN COMES HYUKA THE ANGEL😭

the two shared a life skills class and were seat mates

kai noticed taehyun’s state each morning

which wasn’t too hard since taehyun was slumped over his desk every morning and only woke up when class started

and sometimes not even then

in response, kai had kindly made a habit of bringing taehyun a coffee each morning and leaving it on his desk :(

not only that, kai was always just a natural energizer!

with his positive attitude and earnest countenance, taehyun couldn’t help but feel ready to take on the day as well !

as thanks, there never failed to be a copy of the answer key to whatever test was coming up on hueningkai’s desk the next day

taehyun really is THAT man🥵

ngl hyuka felt like he had a sugar daddy of sorts at the beginning

but the two have the sweetest friendship after that!!

they’re genuinely so grateful for each other and balance out really well

yeonjun + you + beomgyu:

a friendship that started off contractually

it was the winter semester of your sophomore year and you were in a bit of an artistic drought

the last time your work had taken off was a complete accident

you’d been high off your ass and posted a hodgepodge of the last 10 screenshots in your camera roll, smartly titled “Hell is A Teenage Girl”

it gained so much attention for its authenticity and now you had no idea how to follow THAT up :(

your bestie beomgyu constantly offered to model for you

but you could never take him seriously after he showed up to your house in lingerie so you could “picture him like your french girls”

“that’s not even how it goes, headass”

“it’s called taking ‘creative liberties’, birdbrain—and you’re supposed to be the artist?”

“please…just put some clothes on. i can’t take you seriously when your balls are in my face”

anyways

you were struggling to come up with anything after that stunt

until you saw your muse in him

the him being yeonjun, who came straight from zumba and was currently downing a bowl of ramyeon from the caf

you shared no classes, interests, or mutuals

but one thing you had in common?

you both thought he was hot!!

you had cornered him with the abrupt confession that he had the most "photograph-able" face and you needed to shoot him for a new project of yours

(with compensation, of course)

yall looked like 🫵🙂📷 and ⁉️😗🍜

yeonjun reluctantly agreed since he was broke and needed more ramyeon money

the shoot started off kind of uncomfortable since you two were incredibly awkward

but you eventually warmed up to each other with your terrible jokes that made him die laughing!

you never would've pegged him as a pun-lover, but you were certainly not disappointed :)

as the shoot finished up, you ended up going out for ice cream together

to which beomgyu crashed and ended up fighting with yeonjun about everything under the sun

it all started with yeonjun’s preference for mint choco, that everything started to go up in flames lmao

you were sure yeonjun would want nothing to do with the pair of you after that night

BUT THEN THE PICTURES WENT VIRAL

your work blew up once again and yeonjun got many modelling offers!!

with the newfound clout given to yeonjun, came an unlikely partnership between you two as you brought out the best in each other’s works

and with you, came beomgyu as a package deal

the two eventually ended up bonding as time went on and they discovered they shared many interests

but you were the glue to hold them together for a while since they never failed to get on each other’s nerves

tom and jerry fr🙄

everyone:

after a draining week of school and his zumba class getting cancelled, yeonjun decided he wanted to go to a party

he needed a drink and a good excuse to dance since his feet were happy and his hips were in need of speaking their truth

lucky for him, there was supposed to be a CRAZY RAGER this weekend

yeonjun was told it was thrown by some uppclassmen named jackson wang or something?

🤷‍♀️

BUT IT WAS PERFECT!!

but he couldn't go alone--he'd look like a loser

which he's NOT >:(

so he brought his gym bro, taehyun!

but then the two were faced with the predicament of looking like much worse

homosexuals!! :0

god forbid two men hang out in public

so taehyun brought his other bestie, kai!!

but mans hates large social gatherings and would rather drown in his toilet than watch the musclemen pull the pretty girls he was afraid of

so he brought the also bitchless soobin along to keep himself entertained :D

meanwhile you were also getting dragged to the party by beomgyu, whose band had gigged it, since he needed emotional support!

the event had started off fine!

beomgyu was killing it with his band

soobin and kai were awkwardly curbing girls' stares and suspicious drinks sent their way with queries as to a foursome

yeonjun was in the middle of a mosh pit, getting absolutely wrecked

taehyun was getting danced on by not one, but TWO girls

AT THE SAME TIME

and you were currently crowd surfing despite having no recollection as to how you got there

you were honestly not vibing since you had a slight fear of heights

and an aversion to sweaty men in closed spaces

so when you were eventually put down, you stumbled your way back to the kitchen to get a breather

and maybe a shot while you were at it—god knows you need one to get through the rest of the night

however, your plans halted once you caught sight of your beloved ex-group partner from biochem!!

“woah hey, soobie-boobie?!” you hollered

cue soobin, who was in the middle of a heated rant about the band refusing his request of playing “meant to be” by bebe rexha, freezing with a soulless look in his eyes

it was you

you (+beomgyu, btw) were the reason he had to pull multiple all nighters to complete your part of the project you failed to do the previous year

mans nearly lost the will to live during that project

he’d hated yall with a passion and did NOT fail to snitch after the project was submitted

it was bc of him that you had to retake that class and almost get your scholarship revoked

of course, nobody knew it was him, since he was a sly motherfucker and blamed it on kim chaewon instead

but he planned on taking that secret with him to the grave, since he would rather take a nap on the freeway than deal with confrontation

but he had no reason to, by the way you were calling for him with the dopiest smile on your face

he hoped he could get away with ignoring you since it was so loud

but then you let out a screech that pierced the heavens

“SOOBIE BOOBIE TOOBIE WOOBIE FOOBIEEEEE!!”

hhnggg

he closed his eyes to block out the sight of you now standing on the counter and waving your arms like crazy

if he couldn’t see you, then you didn’t exist

but, unfortunately, soobin wasn’t the only person with eyes and ears

“hey, hyung, i dunno if it’s just me, but i think that girl might know you!”

soobin opened his eyes to see kai waving back at the girl for him

soobin wanted to die when he saw you take that as confirmation to join them

“hey! long time no see!!” you greeted as you took a seat with the pair of them

hyuka easily took to you while soobin tried his best not to look utterly disgusted

“so how do you two know each other?” kai asked

“soobin and i were paired for a group project last year!”

soobin frowned at you, but you were none the wiser as you entertained the curious kai

“oh cool!! what class was that?”

“honestly, i have no clue! i was high half the school year, thank god soobin was there to help me and my other friend for that project!”

soobin scoffed at that, causing both you and kai to look at him questioningly

“was that a cough?”

“did you need a drink?” you innocently offered one of the many drinks the boys had discarded

soobin shook his head vigorously at that, making you shrug

“welp, more for me then!”

AND DOWNED IT

kai and soobin were too slow to stop you, and watched in horror as you finished the drink with a pinched expression

“holy shit, are you okay?!” soobin asked

but you were preoccupied with the upset feeling in your stomach

“ugh, what the hell was that?” you tried to stop yourself from burping, but you could feel yourself getting lightheaded

“ah man, i knew those drinks weren’t safe” kai winced, watching as you nearly fell out of your seat before soobin caught you

soobin groaned at the prospect of having to take care of you, but lifted you up a bit while you babbled and whisked yourself out of his hold

“hey, im fine—i actually feel great! we should go dance!”

and you were off, dragging an innocent kai with you to where the rest of the party was dancing to the band

not wanting to be left alone after you so rudely took his only friend, soobin ran after the pair of you

meanwhile kai, who had been dragged with you, felt like he was gonna have a panic attack in the face of all these people you dragged him toward

he felt like he was getting swallowed up in a sea of drunk, horny young adults

which, technically, he was

you were none the wiser to the boy’s fears as you started dancing

to hueningkai’s absolute horror, you were actually doing the camp rock stomp dance from the second movie

part of him wanted to ask you to drop a tutorial

the better part of him made him want to crawl in a hole and die

for the both of your sakes’, he blamed your behavior on the alcohol and spared you more embarrassment by turning away from you and looking for help

and his saving grace came in the form of his lord and savior, kang taehyun

mans was a lil busy with a few of the drunk and horny young adults himself

but what kai wants, kai gets!!

so when he called for his friend, taehyun came without a complaint

he also miraculously had a glass of water in hand, just in case kai got thirsty

“what’s wrong? do you need to go home?” taehyun worried, shoving the glass into his friend’s hand

kai was grateful for his friend

thank god he wasn’t too drunk to be helpful!!

kai merely shook his head at his friend’s questions, and started to drag him back to you

“there’s a girl who got roofied, and she’s doing the camp rock stomp dance—we have to help her!”

but when kai got to you, he found a mess

that mess being you and soobin squealing around while yeonjun was running away from another guy who looked drunk out of his mind and pissed as hell

how yeonjun and soobin got there? and who this other guy was?? and HOW the three of you managed to piss him off???

kai and taehyun had no clue

but they could tell things did not look good for yall

soobin was currently hiding behind a disoriented you, using your inebriated self as a shield

meanwhile yeonjun was narrowly avoiding haphazard punches thrown at him, practically dancing away from them

“what do i do?! what do i do?!?!” yeonjun screamed

“DRAG HIS ASS!” taehyun yelled, right before socking a random guy in front of him

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” kai screamed, leaping away from the new, unprovoked beatdowns taehyun was causing

“fighting my demons!”

maybe taehyun was a little too drunk to be helpful :/

kai scrambled towards you and soobin, who had backed away from the initial fighting pair

“what the hell happened? i wasn’t even gone for two minutes!!”

“i found y/n right after you left, who had saved yeonjun from the mosh pit—”

“—mans was getting his shit blended in there—”

“we were about to come find you, when y/n grabbed some random guy’s ass—”

“—to be fair, i thought he was kai—”

“and when the guy turned around to fight her, she blamed it on yeonjun!!”

“well, duh! i’m just a lil girl!!”

kai blanched at you, while you pouted up at him

you were all like 🥺 👉🏽👈🏽

you had such a sweet look on your face tbh, that kai and soobin almost cracked

before you turned around barfed into a potted plant

things literally could not get worse

“WORLDSTAR! WORLDSTAAAR!!”

it took the three of you a second to realize where that yelling had been coming from

but you finally found the source when you looked on stage and found beomgyu filming the fights going on

“fuck me, he’s here too?!” soobin whined

and while beomgyu had gotten your guys’ attention, he had also gotten a few others’ as well

“hey, you got your friend filming me? i’m here on scholarship!”

the big guy yelled, grabbing yeonjun to hold him still as he went to punch him again

“oh fuck,” yeonjun muttered

beomgyu fumbled around with his phone and guitar, going to brandish the instrument in one hand like a weapon to help out his friend

but luckily didn’t have to when a pot smashed against the attacker’s head, knocking him out cold

the partygoers watched as the big guy dropped to the floor, right in front of yeonjun

yeonjun looked in disbelief from his side of the fallen body

over to you on the other side, your hand still raised in the air from its defensive attack

“holy shit!” beomgyu gasped

“holy shit!” you gasped back

the party was silent for a second

before everyone erupted in cheers!! :D

and everyone stood up and clapped

“THAT WAS AWESOME!”

people around you were jumping around and back to partying again

meanwhile the rest of the group came back to you

“are you guys okay??” kai asked

“i think i just shit my pants,” yeonjun breathed, clutching onto his chest

he looked as white as a ghost, but he didn’t get any injuries

luckily, the guy was too drunk to properly do any damage to yeonjun

but he was still afraid at the possibility!!

you merely nodded at kai in acknowledgment, before leaning tiredly on the person nearest to you

which happened to be taehyun, as he kept you upright with his non-bloodied hand

and then there was beomgyu, who ran over to yall with his phone in the air

“oh my god, i got the whole thing on video!!”

“did i look cool?”

you asked him tiredly from your position

“kind of, you’ve got a bit of barf on your chin, but i could probably photoshop it out later!”

“let’s gooo!! :D”

the two of you fist bumped, before yeonjun turned to you

“thanks for knocking that guy out, y/n, you saved me”

“but she was the one who got you in that mess—”

“of course, yeonjun! what are friends for?!”

you unknowingly interrupted soobin, causing everyone in the group to clap at your selfless words

"come on, let's all get out of here and get some ramyeon--on me!" yeonjun pulled out his daddy's credit card

causing the rest of the group to cheer

soobin’s eye twitched at yall SO HARD

“are you fucking with me rn?? SHE’S the reason this all happened—?!”

but soobin was drowned out by your guys' cheers as you all headed for the door

"come on soobin, before that guy wakes up and tries to go for round two!"

kai shouted, dragging soobin along and stepping over the guy that was still passed out

"oh, what the hell," soobin gave in, internally praying for the strength to tolerate you and beomgyu for the rest of the night

"woah wait a sec," beomgyu said deliriously, looking at soobin like he just realized he was there

"soobie boobie? when the fuck did you get here?"

soobin, on cue, gave the heaviest eye roll known to man

"i've BEEN here, motherfucker!"

…..

…and the rest was history!!😅

after that, yall just kind of gravitated to each other until suddenly

your snapchat streaks were too high

you’d gone grocery shopping for each other’s favorite snacks

and your moms all knew abt each other and would constantly ask abt you

yall were in too deep and decided to just kind of stick together after that :)

[call-sign-jinx]

Endless Love (Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw) - Chapter 4

summary - Y/N Y/L/N and Bradley Bradshaw have had a rivalry ever since they both attended the same academy. Every chance they took, they always tried to one up each other. One day, Bradley takes the rivalry too far and Y/N ends up in the hospital with serious injuries. Will it make Y/N want to get him back twice as worse? Or will it make her realise that this rivalry between them is childish?

warnings - swearing, enemies to lovers, mention of serious injury, traumatic episodes, reader traumatised from what happened, smut, slowburn, seizures, flashbacks

a/n - hey girliessssssss! sorry that this one is kinda short but what i'm gonna do is just try and post a chapter every day so that u didn't have to wait so long! hope thas okayyyyyy xx

I'm still in the hospital. Which is very convenient. Note the sarcasm. I can't do much all day except go on my phone which got very boring after a bit.

But my friends visit me every now and then. Mostly Mav, Phoenix or my mate, Thomas, who moved with me to San Diego so that I wouldn't be fully alone. But he can't really visit as much because he's an accountant and his boss has made him work a lot of overtime.

Phoenix was currently visiting and telling me all about how Hangman was being a massive dick and him and Rooster nearly got in a fight about Rooster's dad.

"Yeah, he lunged for him! If the guys didn't hold him back Hangman would be waltzing about with the biggest black eye." It made my brows furrows and lift my lip in confusion.

"How did that make him so mad? Like me and Rooster always argue but he's never gotten that angry..." I was really confused, what the fuck did Hangman even say?

"I wasn't really listening to what they were saying, me and Bob were talking, not paying attention because we thought it was a normal argument they have." Wow... Maybe I should talk to Rooster, as if he's going to tell me though, he hates me. Phoenix checked the time on her watch.

"Right, I've gotta go... Training... I'll come back when I'm off duty?" I nod as I bid Phoenix goodbye.

----------------------------------------

I've been on my phone for 4 hours since Phoenix left. I'm now addicted to Candy Crush, Subway Surfers and Episode. I'm in the middle of playing Subway Surfers when I heard a knock at the door. It was Dr. Hunterson. She's always been lovely to me.

"Hi Y/N, there's someone here to see you?" She said it as a question, basically asking me if I wanted to see them or not.

"Send them in, anything to cure this boredom." I chuckle out, Dr. Hunterson laughed as she closed the door. A few seconds later, someone walks through the door. I looked up at them.

It was my mum.

"Y/N! Oh my god! I would've come sooner had someone told me earlier!" She set her bag down on the floor next to the chair she then sat in.

I sat in silence, not even looking up from my phone. I couldn't talk to her, let alone look at her. I continued with Subway Surfers.

"Y/N? Why are you ignoring me? We haven't spoken to each other in 7 months!" She laughed as she spoke. I slammed my phone down on the bed and finally turned to look at her, I glared at her.

"Why the fuck did you lie to me about dad? Why couldn't you have just told me the truth?!" You could practically taste the venom in my tone. I was fucking seething.

My mum didn't utter a word. He mouth opening and closing as if she was trying to say something.

"What? Can't speak?" I was absolutely pissing incensed. Why the fuck would she lie to me for so long?

"I... I... I don't know what you want me to say?" She had a guilty smile on her face.

"I want you to tell me why the absolute fuck you would lie to me saying dad just didn't want to be in my life anymore when he stopped visiting me?! And guess what is the funniest thing? Dad told me himself! Yeah! He told me." Mum had tears streaming down her face.

"When you want to act like an adult, I'll talk to you then..." She grabbed her bag off the floor and left the room.

"Fuck you!" I shouted as she closed the door. When I want to act like an adult. Tsk. Fuck her. I am a fucking adult.

I'm just going to have a bleeding nap, cannot be bothered staying awake right now...

----------------------------------

I was woken up to yet another knock at my door. When I sat up and said come in, I saw Bradshaw.

"Just the person I wanted to see." I say sarcastically as I turn to face away from the door.

"Y/C/S, I just wanna say I am really sorry... I must have accidentally pressed something... I did not mean to take it this far... You may not accept it but I just want to say that I am really really sorry..." I turned to look at him and his face was filled with remorse.

I didn't like this look on Bradshaw. I wasn't used to it. At all. I'm a lot more comfortable with him having anger on his face while looking at me. He seems really guilty... Maybe I should forgive him, I mean... He does seem to actually regret it.

"It's okay Bradshaw... I've made that mistake before... Except... I actually killed the girl..." Bradshaw looked up at me with shock on his face.

"W-what?" He sat down in the chair next to the hospital bed, leaning forward.

"I may as well tell you... Me and this girl, Sox, we were doing a training exercise, but with actual missiles, trying to shoot a target..." I began to tear up. "As soon as I shot the missile at the target, Sox got in the way... Luckily I only shot the wing, but when she pressed the button to eject her seat..." Tears were streaming down my cheeks, I was trying to hold in sobs. "It didn't eject, so all she could do was wait till her jet crashed and hoped she would live. She didn't."

Bradshaw sat there, in shock, mouth agape. His face changed to a sympathetic expression.

"We were best friends, she was the first friend I made after moving here, to San Diego... Her family somehow forgave me, I can't even forgive myself. They said that it wasn't my fault. It was. I'm the reason she's dead. If I hadn't shot that missile, maybe she'd be here at Top Gun, and not me." I was borderline sobbing at this point. My body was shaking. My breath uneven. Eyes dead set on the plant pot in the corner of the room.

"Y/C/S, it is not your fault, you didn't know she was going to fly in front of the missile. You had no intention of hurting her. Don't blame yourself..." I immediately began to shake my head, disagreeing with him.

"No. No. It is my fault Bradshaw. I shot the missile. I am at fault. I killed her... If it wasn't for me, she would be alive. And I'm going to have to live with that. Until the day I die." I couldn't stop the crying now, even if I wanted to. I haven't talked about it since it happened. Not even to my therapist.

"Y/C/S, it's okay... I promise you, it wasn't your fault. From what you've told me it was a training exercise gone wrong... You are not at fault for anything…” His words were filled with reassurance, and coming from him, it actually meant something. Although it didn’t totally get the idea that it was my fault out my head, it put my mind at ease.

I gave Bradshaw a tight lipped smile as my eyes darted between his gaze and my bruised hands.

"About this... rivalry, that we have... Can we just call it quits?" Bradshaw finally spoke up after a while of silence. I looked at him with a smirk.

"What? Finally realised that I'm the best and you're second place?" Bradshaw laughed as he shook his head. He looked back up and has a smiled with his eyes.

"Absolutely not... I am never going to accept that sweetheart..." The nickname made my eyes widen. Sweetheart? He's called me that before but never in the tone he just used. It sounded almost, flirty? I don't know, could be nothing. That is Bradshaw's personality after all.

"Guess it's just really tiring, and..." I gesture to all my cuts and bruises on my body with a laugh. "This... but don't worry Bradshaw... won't hold it against you." I chuckle as Bradshaw leans back in his chair and does the same.

"Truce?" Bradshaw stuck his hand out. I took his hand and shook it with a tight smile. I wish it didn't take me almost dying for us to stop this. Maybe it was the only way? I'll never know.

[lesbiandanhowell]

Sam reacts to: Dan and Phil React to Every Phil is not on fire! #2

I am not ready for this in the slightest but here we go

- Why THAT clip from pinof, they made fun of it the whole time in the first video yet they keep coming back to it.

- I still have a sharpie in my drawer...

- The way they continue the dressing alike theme it is so cute, and Dan asking how Phil still has the same shirt when he literally is wearing the exact same mhmh sure.

- WHY AM I SO AFRAID OF PINOF 4

- "because you're 12" They have always known their audience a little too much, like they know that now we're all adults and gay back then they knew we were all just teens.

- I am sobbing with laughter 3 minutes in AND JUST NOTICED IT IT IS 32 MINUTES LONG.

- STOP DAN YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS. I am the number one person that points out little giggles after cuts this is LITERALLY a personal attack. I have done this for almost every single gamingmas video so sadly this is not a call out for past me but very much attacking me right now.

- THE AMOUNT OF ATTACKS IN THIS. Phil making fun of the nose smudge, like they just are coming for us left and right holy shit

- Tumblr mention, Dan if you don't want to see us be obnoxious about you guys touching then don't come on tumblr, let us be weird in peace.

- LMAO THE SUNDAY TIMES TRAUMA FOR DAN

- I am literally crying 11 minutes in and I am kind of glad they just didn't mention the 2012 trauma because I don't think I could go through talking about it.

- Dan reblogging this video but not any other recent gaming video... He's got priorities and it is calling us tf out, I see how it is.

- PHIL TALKING ABOUT THE BEDSHEETS AND JUST TALKING HIMSELF INTO A HOLE. Like I would have thought he meant Sharpie getting on it but he just fully went there and made it sound sexual.

- They keep making fun of us and then they keep doing the neck touch thing and like HOW ARE WE MEANT TO NOT LOSE OUR MINDS.

- "I think the vibes are better in this one" Yes, 2013 PINOF will always be better because 2012 was traumatic in ways we don't talk about.

- "Oh your tongue action there Dan" PHIL WHAT THE FUCK MAN

- Not them leaving out any kind of reaction to the "you are [special]", it would have been too real.

- Dan with the peach emoji for phils bum what

- THE LIZARD DUET AND THE WAY PHIL LOOKS AT DAN FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU. Genuinely how do you expect me not to comment on that, I am lonely and single and living vicariously through you being sappy.

- The fuck did Dan say to make Phil laugh and me sob with laughter like it was so funny even tho I have no idea what he said. Dan doing a little squeak when he laughs is adorable, like at the very end.

- Phil I will literally fight you if you keep doing an impression of us going they are touching like fuck you let us have some peace. (I won't actually, we deserve this)

- The way Phil looks ACTUALLY sad when Dan explains that the existential crisis branding was just him suffering in silence, now we know this but back then it just seemed funny :(

- The fact they put themselves on the same level as Doctor Who and Sherlock is insane but so real, like they really were.

- NOT THE CATBOY MENTION AGAIN I LITERALLY ALMOST DROPPED MY FAVOURITE MUG. I wish this was a joke but I had such a visceral reaction I almost pulled my favourite mug off my desk.

- THEY PLAYED POPPY AT 4AM WHAT. They have only learned so much since then have they.

This send me places I didn't know I could experience and Dan saying to expect the next one in the next few weeks scares me that it won't be during Gamingmas anymore.

Check #sam reacts for posts about all videos and see you tomorrow!

[asmo-ds]

(Sorry for sending an ask when you aren't open, you said it was okay but I still feel bad. Also trigger warning for implied past assault)

How do you headcanon the demon brothers would react if Mammon told MC about the situation with the witches (where it was implied they assulted him) and then MC absolutely exploads on all of the brothers for having joked about it. Like so angry that they're pulling out all the stops and protecting Mammon like a guard dog

MC Yells at the Brothers for Not Protecting Mammon

TW: Past SA, yelling, swearing, guilt, self hate, insecurities

Description: When Mammon confides in MC about his past assault from the witches and his brothers' responses to the situation, MC loses their mind and goes off on all the brothers, causing them to rethink their behavior

a/n: I haven't written since that last fic i posted a very long time ago so I might be rusty, but since i recently started playing again I wanted to try and do some writing for you guys that stuck around, thank you for being patient <3

Lucifer

When MC comes storming out of the room they and Mammon were hanging out in Lucifer is shocked to see the slam the door

As he is about to scold them for not being careful in a house that does not belong to them they suddenly point to him and say “Go sit in the dining room and wait for your other brothers.”

Due to his pact he is forced to the table, sitting in stunned silence for his brothers to arrive.

One by one they enter the dining room, all looking around with worry

Once everyone but Mammon had sat down around the table, MC began speaking

“You all knew about what the Witches did to him. You all KNEW they had hurt him. Yet you find it amusing and laugh about the situation. Your brother is in pain and yet you mock that pain,” they continue on, exploding and ranting about how they could have protected him, or at the very least, comforted him after his assault

The brother look around guiltily at each other, except for Lucifer who keeps his head hung low

He searches for a way to justify his behavior, but as MC continues to point out more and more errors in his ways, he cannot seem to find anything.

Why didn't he protect his brother? That was his duty.

After MC had stormed out of the dining room and back to Mammon he remained still, his mind racing, guilt building up over just how badly his behavior had hurt his little brother

Mammon had  fought alongside Lucifer through every battle, sure he was annoying and often caused damage to Lucifer’s credit score, but that didn’t matter, what mattered was the way he failed to fight for Mammon, the same way the younger had done for him for thousands of years.

As soon as he returned to his office, he got to work, recalling every name that he could recall being mentioned in Mammon’s story, finding their whereabouts, making documents of the incident to send to Diavolo to properly handle the situation and try and make things at least a little bit right.

Mammon

He confided in MC, he wasn't sure if it was the emotional vulnerability he somehow felt around the human or the demonus they had been sipping on in his room

He told them about his traumatic event, recounting every detail and the way he was treated by his brothers afterward and how hard it was to watch them laugh at his situation like that.

When he looked up from his lap he saw MC’s eyes were filled with rage and he regretted telling them, thinking they were mad at him for trauma dumping without permission

He began to apologize but they put a hand on his shoulder, raising the other to his cheek, cradling the somehow fragile demon lord in front of them

“It’s going to be okay, I need to do something very quickly but I will be right back and we can do whatever you need to be comforted right now,” they said, storming out the door. 

He waited a few minutes before going to look for them, hearing their loud voice coming from the dining room

He hid behind the door frame and listened to their words, the way they defended him and called out the bad behavior and treatment he had received in response from his brothers

He felt guilty for getting his brothers scolded at- but damn did it feel good to see someone love him so much that they'd scream at a group of the 6 most powerful demons in the Devildom.

When he sensed MC was finishing up, he scurried back to his room, a sad yet fond smile on his face- someone cared, and it felt so good

MC returned to his room, quickly wrapping their arms around his neck and kissing his cheek

“You’re safe now, I won't let anyone hurt you again”

Leviathan

Leviathan was peacefully playing games in his room, when there was loud banging on his door, startling him and causing his character to die

He groans and makes his way to the door, “Password?” he loudly asks

“None of that shit, get in the dining room, NOW,” MC hisses back, their words dripping with venom

He shivers, knowing things couldn’t be good if MC was using their pact to force him into a different area

He unwillingly makes his way to the Dining room, where he sees Lucifer sat, also with a bewildered look on his face

He feels like he may throw up, the vibes MC gave off in their short meeting before were causing him great anxiety

He felt his hands grow sweaty as he fidgeted, watching his brothers make their way to the room one by one

As MC began speaking he felt his heart sink

Throughout their speech his heart sunk lower and lower, guilt eating at him as he thought about how it would feel if he were in Mammon’s shoes

He felt tears filling his eyes and his cheeks burning red, he was embarrassed and guilty over his treatment of Mammon, even if he stole his stuff sometimes

He knew he shouldn’t have been so mean when the actual event happened, but making fun of Mammon had become such second nature that he couldn’t help it

But he should’ve done more

The second MC leaves he runs back to his room, shutting the door, locking it, and turning off his lights, clumsily making his way to his bed

He laid there crying and trying to think of ways he could repair all of the damage he’d done

Satan

Satan could sense an angry force coming quickly towards his room, closing his book he ran to his door, ready to open it when MC would arrive

He smiled- thinking Mammon had somehow enraged the human and now they were coming to him to let off some steam since he was the avatar of wrath and knew how to handle anger properly

Before they could even knock he swung open the door, smiling politely at MC, only to be met with an icy cold glare

As they commanded him he made his way to the kitchen, confused and worried about the human

Had Mammon pissed them off so bad they were going to announce their early departure from the Devildom?

He saw all his brothers fidgeting and exchanging worried glances

What worried him most was how quiet and submissive Lucifer was acting- it wasn’t normal and he knew that it must mean bad news

MC arrived and he sighed, glad he’d finally get to know what had spiked their anger levels so high

They spoke and his blood ran cold with every word

He let their words sink in, keeping his composure on the outside but raging on the inside

His initial reaction was to be mad at both MC and Mammon, Mammon for tattling on their bad behavior and MC for daring to speak to them in such a way

After storming back to his room though he truly realized what had just happened

He realized he hurt the brother who raised him

Someone who always protected Satan when he was weaker and younger

He felt like his soul had been crushed, finding comfort in sad stories for the rest of the night, unable to focus on the words

His main focus was finding those piece of shit witches and introducing them to his torture chamber

Asmodeus

Asmo was doing his skincare routine when the sharp knocks came on his door

He skipped to the door happily smiling at MC

“MC! Did you finally ditch Mammon to come spend the night with me~” He squealed happily

“Go to the dining room and wait with your brothers

His happiness immediately disappeared as they used the pact on him, shocked by the sheer power of their pact and the venom in their voice

He sat at the table, still in shock, and turned to his brothers, whispering to them about what could be happening and asking if anyone knew anything

As MC entered the room he looked at them with terror in his eyes, their body trembling with rage and more power leaking off of them than he had ever seen from any human besides Solomon

As they began to speak and tell the brothers why they were so angry he felt as if time stopped

Asmodeus had dealt with enough SA stories from close friends and witnessed and saved many people from SA

So when he had initially heard his brother’s story he was shocked it had happened

He hadn’t made fun of Mammon, he just stayed quiet and didn’t address the problem- an action he deeply regretted

He was just so distraught at the time, he had stopped so many SAs and comforted people who had been SA’d so why couldn’t he do that for his dear older brother?

Was it harder to accept because he had such a deep connection with the person it had happened to? He wasn’t sure

As MC left the room, he slowly made his way to his own

He took off his face mask, deciding to end his routine halfway through

Instead he curled up on his bed, staring at absolutely nothing and unable to clearly understand his thoughts

At some point he felt himself crying but he felt so depressed over the situation he couldn’t fully process it

Beelzebub

In the kitchen, he had been eating away at the food that filled their fridge, ensuring it would be empty by the time the clock struck midnight

He hears many footsteps entering the dining room, confused as they had all eaten dinner as a family earlier in the night

One of the footsteps grew louder, approaching the kitchen and he hurriedly tried to hide the scraps of food he’d already eaten in the fridge

He saw MC and smiled- but immediately it faded as he saw the look in their eyes

“Sit in the Dining room and wait,” they didn’t even use the pact on him, knowing Beel wouldn’t put up a fight

He walked to the dining room and sat down next to his brothers, listening to Asmo ask what could be wrong and only offering a weak shrug in response

Calmly he also tried to think of what they all could’ve done wrong

MC strode into the room with wrath filling every inch of their small human frame, power oozing off of them

He shivers and listens to MC as they speak

His hunger seems to vanish and be replaced by his guilt

He guiltily looks down at his lap

Mammon fought for Lilith, he fought literal GOD for his family, and when he needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to fight for HIM.. Beel just did nothing

He retreated to his room, letting his stomach growl for hours as he paces the room, plotting on how he could fix the bond he’s broken

He asks his brothers if any of them had located the witch who hurt Mammon, knowing they surely must be thinking the same thing

He decided he would not eat the night before they go after the witch, knowing he wouldn’t want to fill up before he made a meal of them

Belphegor

Surprise surprise… this bitch is sleeping when MC is making their rounds

MC opens the door to the twins’ room and finds him sleeping soundly

They walk over to the bed, shaking the demon harshly, hardly being able to wake him

They pull him until he falls off the bed, effectively waking him up

He grumpily looks up at the enraged human and glares, “Why are you waking me up?” 

They tell him to go to the dining room but he simply climbs back onto his bed, about to pull the covers over himself, when he feels the human grab him by the back of his shirt and begin to drag him out of the room, their strength coming purely from the anger they felt towards the demon

He struggled at first but eventually opted to let them drag him there

Once he was sat at the table MC began to speak

He was listening sleepily at first, but as they got more and more into how disgusted they were with the brothers, Belphie woke up, starting to feel disgusted by himself as well

After MC leaves he retreats to the attic, trying to sleep once again but not being able to with how many of his thoughts were racing

Mammon had never treated Belphie badly besides stealing a few things every now and then, but Belphie treated Mammon like a punching bag and it wasn’t fair

As he thought about his disgusting behavior he thought of every other disgusting thing he’d done up until that point

He was left laying on the bed in the attic, unfortunately awake and drowning in self-hatred

[dickgraysonxtherapy]

I'm in the process of writing multiple birdflash fics and one of them is explicitly so I can write my headcanons about them being happy together (bc it is SO easy to make every single fic about them hurt/comfort). Do you have any happy domestic headcanons you would like to see more in the world?

ooooh, yes i so do 💕 god i love the so much. some of these are a little more family oriented, just because i feel like they’re both very family oriented people. also, please send me the like to your fic when you’re done, i’m always looking out for new birdflash stuff 🥺🥰

Dick can cook, but only fried food. Wally is extremely fascinated and horrified at some of the things Dick manages to put together.

Wally is the actual good cook, and he packs Dick’s lunch with little notes. Sometime they’re cute, but most of the time they’re just badly drawn penises.

they game so much together. their most played game is mario cart.

they pull out the wii and play mario party when Dick’s siblings crash a theirs.

Wally teaches Tim to skateboard while he’s hiding out at theirs.

Dick loves the heat, and actually hates the gotham cold. he cuddles Wally even in the summer.

Wally slaps Dicks ass every chance he gets.

so. much. PDA. so much.

they’re caught making out in the watch tower like, once a week.

Dick will drape himself over Wally any chance he gets.

Sometimes Wally shocks Dick like he’s rubbed his socks on the carpet. Dick yelps like a little kid every time.

they take turns pushing each other in the cart when they go grocery shopping.

sometimes Wally’s brain just goes too fast and Dick has to help ground him in the present.

they set fire to their kitchen at least three times in the first month of living together. nothing gets damaged but their pride.

they throw water bottles at each other and yell “hydrate or dydrate!” as a loving reminder to the other to drink water.

they’re both babies when they get sick, and is both of them are sick at the same time? they call Iris.

their fights are explosive, but short lived. they can’t stay mad at each other for long.

Wally sends Wayne kids and Batfamily memes to Dick on the daily.

Wally always manages to leave a hicky on Dick, and one of Dick’s siblings always manage to see it. it’s traumatizing for everyone.

Jason suffered through the “will they, won’t they” phase, and brings it up all the time. he has so much shit on them.

Bruce accidentally calls Wally “Barbra” all the time, and every other red head “Wally.” Dick is amused until Bruce calls him Wally.

Out of the whole family, Wally has the best relationship with Tim.

Wally is continuously appalled by some of the rich boy shit that comes out of Dick’s mouth.

Wally once left a restaurant because Bruce was eating his burger with a fork and knife.

Wally was convinced at one point the Damian was trying to assassinate him (he was).

Damian only accepts Wally after he sees Wally help a baby bird back into its nest.

[cringecannon]

Post Tadpole'd Durge seems to brighten up so much after meeting this stranger (IE, remeeting their little assassin) and gets the gang to make them join the party by implying they help Durge's memory. Surely it's the least that can do to aid the Grove's savior! It's okay if there's not enough tents, they can share :)

The amnesia appeared real. They almost seemed sheepish. I don't mean to intrude, they'd said politely. Do I know you?

Know you? Bile rises in your throat as memories flash through your mind. They know you better than anyone. The taste of your flesh, your blood, the way your skin splits under their blade. Every scar, every mark, every pathetic, traumatic noise that could be drawn from your suffering.

You hadn't even noticed that your eyes had glazed over until they managed to catch your attention again. Concern is a strange look on them. You smile when they ask if you're alright. It's strained, forced. Too wide. You apologize. Once, yes. You knew them once. Acquaintances, nothing more. Their pale companion scrutinizes you behind them. You pray your nerves won't betray you.

The lie works. Their sudden look of excitement sends a bolt of fear through your spine. You are a godssend, they gush. Finally, someone who can shed some light on their situation. You'll be at the party, yes? You can talk more at camp.

With the Grove saved, you find yourself in an unfavorable position. You refused to go back to the city with the tieflings. Regardless, now that they knew where you were you couldn't stay here with the druids. You can't risk them looking for you, and if you don't show to the party odds are someone will see which direction you went and rat you out.

So you show. You stay to yourself, making polite conversation until the time is right. The festivities make a decent enough cover, but you feel eyes on you wherever you go. Multiple times you have to remind yourself to breathe and calm your nerves. When everyone is distracted, you'll make your move. You'll run into the woods, and run until they'll never be able to find you again.

That was the plan, anyway. You creep through the darkness, all too aware of an echo to your footsteps that should not be there. You anticipate the ambush and swing around, the point of your dagger pressed to the lean neck of their pale companion. Red eyes narrow dangerously, his own weapon pointed at your stomach. It's rude to leave without so much as a goodbye, he purrs. You don't humor the man with a response, instead giving him a warning. Leave now, and he can walk back into his camp with all his entrails still on the inside.

He moves closer, and you take a step back. There's a gleam of malice in his eye as he sneers. All bark and no bite. What do they see in you? You falter, gritting your teeth as your hands start to shake. He wastes no time and pounces on the opportunity. A cold hand finds your wrist, pulling your blade away from his vitals. The elf leans in close, eyes boring into yours as he makes a proposition.

You can leave. Run into the woods, try your luck. Hells, you could even kill him while you're at it. No witnesses. They will find you though. He doubts they'd be very pleased to find one of their allies dead.

On the other hand, you could come back to camp and he'd be more than happy to pretend this little incident never happened. Water under the bridge. He doesn't understand how yet, but clearly they think you may be useful. You may be able to shed some light on this situation, and he'll be damned if he lets such a pretty little opportunity go to waste. To him, the choice is obvious.

On the walk back to the party, you feel sick. Their face lights up when they lock eyes with you. The elf squeezes your wrist, thin fingers digging into your skin. The message is clear. Be good, play along. He stalks back to his tent and you glower at his back as your master leads you somewhere to talk. They've thought about this all day. They just can't wait to catch up.

[crush-like-that]

Now that you mootified me, there will be so many asks from me😈 but I will send a few condensed ones to start off with

to begin:

TOP FIVE RIORDANVERSE BOOKS GO!!

TOP FIVE APOLLO CAMPERS EXCLUDING WILL GO!!

TOP FIVE NAOMI SOLACE AND WILL HEADCANONS GO!!

DID YOU LIKE TSATS, NOT READ, OR DISLIKED AND WHY??

and last- but CERTAINLY not least-

Naomi Solace headcanons for my brain rot🫶🏻

Thanks in advance for the brain rot, and I apologize if this got sent in twice; my tumblr crashed as I was submitting the first one😡

Yippie!!!

top five is ROUGH uhmmmmm

Titan's Curse and the Last Olympian are so up there. I also really love the Son of Neptune. I'm rereading all the books again for the millionth time but this time I'm annotating so I can actually pic favorites, but I'm still on SoN so I can't make up my mind on the rest yet 😭😭

top five EXCLUDING WILL?!?!???!?!?!? HE'S LITERALLY MY FAVORITE HE'S MY BBG I LOVE HIM WHAT. (can't) call me basic but I LOVE kayla and austin. Also Lee and Michael hold a verryyyyy special place in my heart. Can I say myself? KIDDING. uhm uhm uhm. I don't remember any others woops

UGH I love Naomi and Will!!!! 1. Will is the textbook definition of a Mama's Boy. and his mama KNOWS IT. She's so proud of him 2. Naomi isn't really the best at telling people what she's thinking or how she feels about them (i e "I'm proud of you" "you did really good!" "you have such talent for (said thing)") but she always ALWAYS makes a conscious effort to tell Will she loves him 3. Will may be a sixteen year old, 6'4'' grown child, but he will still curl up in his mama's arms. 4. Will didn't meet his grandparents til he was 12. He had been a year round camper since he was 10. When he turned 11, Naomi moved back in with her parents. After a bit, Will went to 'summers only' for a year 5. When Will can't sleep, he'll listen to some of Naomi's older songs, the ones she'd sing for him when she was still writing them.

Plus one... two. 6. Like alot of young kids, Will liked to hold strands of Naomi's hair when he was pretty young. She kept it long and curly, and Will loved the texture. (and this is why Will likes to play with Nico's hair) 7. Will was born with brown hair, the same light brown that Naomi has. When he was claimed by Apollo, most of his hair went blonde. (happens to every child of apollo)

I personally LOVE tsats. I really don't think it was that good of a book and, as always with Rick's books, there are many time inconsistencies, but I still love it with my whole heart. Nico was my favorite character as soon as he was introduced, blah blah blah saw myself in him, blah blah blah other traumatic stuff that made me love him more, now he's queer and i'm crying because he's like me blah blah blah, and BOOM! TSATS! It's very dear to me because I get to see these characters over come their problems and... it's jsut very emotional

NAOMI FOR THE WIN!!!!! @mediumgayitalian has some really good Naomi writings

She met Apollo at one of her first gigs at a local bar. She thought he was some fancy fella from a band. They 'dated' for a bit before he had to go. Naomi understood, a good musicians life was never stationary. She was nineteen. When she was found out she was pregnant, she ran away from home, absolutely terrified of what her good Christian parents would think if they found out she had gotten knocked up by some no good rocker.

It was just them for a while, Naomi and her little baby. She never acted like she was always alone. Always said "us" and "we". She was never alone, she had her baby. She had to bounce around from place to place, looking for working, looking for a place to stay. A month before Will was born, she finally found a stable job and apartment. Naomi loved Will more than she thought she ever could, seeing as she already loved him so much before she had even met him. They were never separated- hell, until he started kindergarten, Will went to work with Naomi. All her coworkers loved him, his gap-toothed smile and face that lit up like the sun. That's all Naomi ever needed. Her son. Her sun. And, of course, he became her muse. Every song she wrote was about him in some way. Something about the sunshine, or a baby's laugh, her strongest love, her will to live. Her music started to get popular. Naomi would pinch Will's cheeks, "all because of you," she'd face. Will would giggle in return. Sure, he didn't entirely understand what it all meant, but if Naomi could keep him happy, she would do anything. Will was about eight when Naomi started opening up to the possibility of touring. It was nerve-wracking. Her stability, which she had worked so hard for, would be gone. She'd be bouncing around again, but this time she'd have Will with her. She was more of a "we" than she thought before. After some convincing from her friends (friends? coworkers? other women her age with children she was able to speak to occasionally? it was all the same) Naomi decided that the tour would be good for Will. The money she could get off of it... She could give Will a good life, better than what she would be able to do on her own.

She hadn't expected Will to hate the tour life as much as he did. He had to spend more time alone or with a babysitter, away from his mama. She wasn't there to tuck him in every night. He was sleeping in hotels or on a bus, not in his bed that had always been right by hers. Then, right around Will's tenth birthday, Naomi started to notice some odd things. Odd things that put Will in danger. So they went to New York.... And Will went to camp. Naomi, now she won't admit it, but she cried for weeks after she dropped him off. She couldn't sleep without him there, now completely alone. Alone for the first time in her life. She missed her baby boy, his sunshine smiles, his laughter, his stubborn curls- Hell, she missed the fact that they couldn't be in separate rooms for more than five minutes before Will started to get nervous. She missed the way he'd brush through her hair whenever he was sitting next to her, how he always curled up to her side and tucked himself under her arms. So for the first time in ten years, she called her mama. Naomi was 30 when she moved back in with her parents. She couldn't write songs any more, every one came out sounding wrong, half complete. Things didn't make sense. So she worked on their farm, helped them keep up the chores and maintain the fields Most of her cousins worked for the family business too, so she saw them almost daily either out on the fields or while dropping off shipments. She could feel the way they judged her. She left with that baby years ago. Now she's here and her baby ain't. How must she look as mother? If only they knew, how hard it was for her. So, with Chiron's permission and direct instructions of care (how stupid is that, Naomi having to learn how to take care of HER baby from someone else) Naomi brought Will home for the school year. Her parents LOVED him. They adopted the roles of Gammie and Pawpaw quickly. "Oh look at that smile," they'd coo and pinch at Will cheeks. But Will didn't laugh the same. He was hesitant, shakier. Wore an ace bandage around his wrist. His arms and legs were littered with light scars. Hell, his hair was blonde now! Will, always her baby, didn't look like her baby. Naomi was scared for him. But Will was still a kid, he'd run and laugh with her cousins' kids, he made friends at school, he shared stories of what life was like during the rest of the year (even though Naomi had heard it all in letters), he Pawpaw out with the animals on the farm. Her baby was back. She wouldn't be able to keep him for long, and god knew how much different he was gonna be next time she saw him, but for now she had her baby.

woops sorry that was a long one

[yuridovewing]

Keep thinking about the Darktail twist and man I still think that Onestar was such a random choice for “has an illegitimate kid”. when imo Blackstar makes wayyyyy more sense. Like, consider, Blackfoot has a fling with Smoke when he’s still in exile during TPB. Smoke is wayyy more dedicated to him than he is to her, he actually looks down on her for being a kittypet.

By the time she’s pregnant though, he’s rejoined ShadowClan under Tigerstar. And oh man. Xenophobia is rife and alive and outspoken. And when Smoke tells Blackfoot about their kits, there’s no room for weakness. He lashes out at Smoke, maybe even outright attacks her (remember this guy killed Stonefur) and threatens her, telling her to either get off of his land forever or he’ll take care of their kits himself.

She’s either pregnant at that point or she’s had Darkkit and was trying to introduce them. Maybe the latter cause Smoke would not be coming back to ask ShadowClan to take him. Plus it’d be a formative memory to Darkkit that sticks with him for the rest of his life. Instead, she runs back home, Darkkit in tow. Warning him as he grew up to never go into the forest, lest his father find him and get rid of him.

Smoke lives out the rest of her days paranoid and distressed, Blackfoot knows where she lives. It gets worse when she hears that he’s become leader and could potentially send cats after her. Darktail grows up, angry and bitter that his mother was traumatized so. And he vows revenge. He trains himself, learns from the remnants of BloodClan how the clan cats fight. When Smoke dies, he leaves their twolegs to follow the clans, long gone at that point.

Revenge has consumed him, dedicating his life to unleashing his wrath onto Blackstar and his followers. He fantasized about how he would gut Blackstar and rip out each of his nine lives, dangle his dirty little secret over his clan and threatening their oh-so-fragile pride. He was going to make sure he would be considered Blackstar's worst mistake- that would be his end.

He sets up the Kin among some of the cats he trained with, some being former BloodClan cats. At first, it's formed in honor. He wanted to live with his friends was all, and this way they'd all be fed and healthy. But it slowly took a dark turn as Darktail still prioritized revenge above all else. He quickly grew manipulative, and while he still valued his cats, he began to view them more as pawns in a game of chess. A game he was always playing against Blackstar- even if Blackstar didn't know it. He took in vulnerable cats, promising them power and prestige, when he really was only concerned with how they could benefit his schemes. It takes him so long to get to a place where he can release an onslaught on his father’s clan.

… But when he arrives, Blackstar is dead. He drowned a year before Darktail arrived. He was buried, ShadowClan moved on, that was that. Darktail felt numb. It was all for nothing. Revenge on Blackstar, the thing that had driven him for so long, was gone. There was nothing left... except for the clan that Blackstar had built.

And it seemed plenty of the young, slighted, and immature apprentices were struggling at the change in power as well.

That was fine. He'd come this far. If he couldn't have Blackstar's skull, the rest of his clan would have to do. And as he witnessed the other clans' pride, he figured they could go as well. To hell with them all. He was gonna terrorize the clans just as they had terrorized his mother so, and he was going to relish every second.

So TLDR: Blackstar's crimes, and Brokenstar and Tigerstar's reign, still haunt ShadowClan to this day in the form of Darktail. Something about how when you die, some of your sins will be passed on to your loved ones who will be forced to deal with it in your stead. Darktail, try as he might, will never be satisfied with his revenge. He is now aimless, lashing out at everyone in sight because he missed his chance to kill the one he hated most.

[blackfairy312]

oh yah since i drew Mary finally here's what i have in mind for her;

- i'm going to write Mary with DID/OSDD. i won't go TOO much into detail, but know that Origami Cat, Monster Cat, Monster Rat, Monster Vinnie, and Tragedy Vinnie are her Alters and i DO have explanations for WHY and WHAT that means. because, i have been diagnosed with DID, it is a disorder i have personal experience with, so i have a LOT to say about Mary Schmidt, Trust Me

- Child Mary is around 6 or 8 years old, depending on if you're talking about Pre-Incident (minigames) or During the FNAC 3 main gameplay.

- Mary used to really like Vinnie, but one day when she was playing Hide n Seek with the Puppeteer, he used Vinnie to find her (also he cheated at the game) and it scared Mary so bad that she doesn't like Vinnie anymore

- Mary's new favorite is the Rat . he's the only Actor she interacts the most with.

- Toni (Rat Actor) recognizes her cause she's one of the kids who don't really interact with the other kids or the other Actors . she's quiet and keeps to herself.

- Richie (Cat Actor) doesn't recognize her cause he just has bad memory. he and Mary don't interact much

- Komi (Pianist) has interacted with Mary a few times. Komi tends to look after the lonely kids since she set up the paper and crayons and markers for the kids to use to draw.

- I feel like Mary avoids Komi because, in a way, Komi reminds her of a motherly figure. and Mary feels awkward about that considering her own mother is dead . Mary, as she gets older, has Mother Issues. i am so gonna get my inspiration from Laurie Strode when it comes to Adult Mary

- Vincent (Puppeteer) and Mary don't interact much either cause Mary avoids him (after the Incident, her brain blocks out every memory of him. and this manifests as Monster Vinnie)

- Mary's Dad (Harry i think I named him) is a girldad . he is the Dad who Stepped Up. cheers for Mary's dad !!

- Mary is very creative (obviously from her drawings in-game) and i want to lean into that and showcase it. she's going to be seen drawing a lot.

- Mary is genuinely scared of the Puppeteer, growing older she sort of "forgets" the traumatic experience that happened (her mind blocking it out/alters hiding memories from her to keep her safe) but she feels very uncomfortable about the Psychopath movie that he starred in and literally cannot watch it because HIS FUCKING FACE is a trigger for her.

- expanding on that scene where she sees the Marionette as an adult and it morphs into Vinnie (or, the Tragedy Vinnie we see in Fnac 1) which basically reignites that traumatic memory and sends her into a mental breakdown.

- as a result of that Adult Mary returning to the Candy's franchise multiple times like Michael Afton kept doing was probably some sort of trauma response. since she's retraumatizing herself by getting a job at the restaurant that's associated with the theater that she saw two guys get killed in. her mental state affects her ability to work and then she falls asleep on the job, and those kids die in the factory. GREAT! another traumatic event happens! so Tragedy Vinnie is a manifestation of her guilt of this particular incident. maybe her guilt manifests as "Vinnie" because she compares herself to the Puppeteer? both of them got two people killed after all.

- she spirals again and applies as a security guard in the restaurant, which then the consequences comes back to bit her and it's like EVERYTHINF from her past is coming back (the Remnant of the Actors may linger behind, as well as the Agony of the two children at the same time). so a FOURTH traumatic event with this franchise happens.

- fast forward a few years for Fnac 2 and this is where my inspiration from Laurie Strode comes in. Mary = Laurie and Marylin = Laren/Allyson. Mary probably didn't tell her daughter about her traumatic experiences with the franchise, but the Factory is basically the "Michael Myers" of the town. the thing everyone talks about in whispers. the scary town legend. which leads to, dumb teenagers being dumb, Marylin accepting the bet and getting stuck inside the Factory for five nights. to which wold trigger Mary again after like, 20 or so years of being rid of this, she finally says ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! DONT MESS WITH MY FAMILY AGAIN!!!) and runs into the building to rescue her daughter, with gallons of gasoline, and they BURN that bitch down together.

- also i forgot to acknowledge the incident involving Mary's brother. yeah that probably added a lot of guilt into her already troubled brain. and this is why the Monster Cat/Rat come out to torment her . this incident happening with her brother probably gets brought up again when her daughter gets involved with the franchise. she does NOT want her family to get hurt, she would relive it all again to protect her family from that kind of horror and suffering

i havea lot of thoughts .. i can expand on them later cause right now im kind of all over the place and my thoughts might not make much sense at the moment

[cryssyd]

A Love Beyond Hell

Previous: Chapter 7

It is an adaption to "Always and Forever" by ChaoticDoll (MadamMimic505) at Quotev.com.

Pairings: Alastor x Reader (Julia) Female

Summary: With marital bliss hanging in the air, Alastor is brought back down to reality when he discovers his wife's surpise.

Warnings: 18+ Content, Established Relationship, Violence, Death, Graphic Details, Pregnancy and Birth, Smut, Minors DNI

Chapter 8

The concrete sidewalk was now a gruesome sight, covered in blood and a horrifying mix of flesh, bones, teeth, and burnt skin. The sinners watched in terror as the broadcast played out, sending shivers down their spines. The citizens of Hell were left traumatized by the chilling sounds of screams and bones breaking, echoing through every corner of the fiery underworld. Alastor gazed upon the bloody mess with a wicked grin, relishing in the fear that gripped those around him. The sinners scattered, fearing for their lives, not daring to stick around and face a fate worse than death.

None of them had any clue about the identity of the unfortunate soul or the grave offence they had committed to enrage the Radio Demon to such a righteous rage. The Rat's remains were unrecognizable, reduced to a mere heap of blood-soaked flesh and entrails. Alastor, after spitting disdainfully at the gruesome sight, took a moment to adjust his suit and slick back his hair, restoring his appearance to one of respectability. The knowledge that he had finally exacted revenge upon the scum of the Earth, those who had robbed him of his life and torn him away from his beloved Julia, filled him with immense satisfaction. Leaving the grotesque mess behind, he allowed it to sizzle under the scorching rays of Hell's sun, forever trapping the punished soul within his very own microphone staff. Oh, how he relished the thought of tormenting it for all eternity during his leisure time.

Alastor paused, gazing at the crimson sky that seemed to stretch on forever. A shiver of excitement tingled down his spine, causing him to release a trembling breath. His insatiable thirst for blood had always consumed him, but this time it felt particularly satisfying. He yearned to return to her side immediately. Julia awoke to find Alastor missing once more, but she remained calm. She knew he would come back to her, as he always did. Rising from the bed, she stretched her arms and let out a soft yawn, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Despite Alastor's absence, their home didn't feel as desolate as it once had in his absence. The lingering scent of him and the warmth he left behind still enveloped her.

Julia, determined to stand up, finally managed to get on her feet. While waiting for him to come back, she thought it would be a good idea to grab a bite to eat. Perhaps she could also take the opportunity to catch up on her reading, although Alastor had been a constant distraction. After all, it's not every day that your deceased husband returns from the afterlife. As she entered the kitchen, she could sense and hear the comforting static of her beloved radio, humming and occasionally skipping. Suddenly, a new melody filled the air, causing her to turn around with a gentle smile of recognition.

¯ I don’t want to set the world on fire, I just want to start a flame in your heart… in my heart I have but one desire. And that one is you. No other will do. ¯

¯ I’ve lost all ambition for worldly acclaim; I just want to be the one you love. And with your admission that you feel the same, I’ll have reached the goal I dreaming of. Believe me. ¯

¯ I don’t want to set the world on fire, I just want to start a flame in your heart~ I don’t want to set the world on fire. I have other plans; I just want to start a flame in your heart. ¯

¯ In my heart I have but one desire. There’s no room for more and that one is you. No other will do. I’ve lost all ambition for worldly acclaim; I just want to be the one you love~ And with your admission that you feel the same. I’ll have reached the goal I’m dreaming of. ¯

¯Believe me, I don’t want to set the world on fire, but it is my desire, I just want to start a flame in your heart. ¯

Her face turned pink as she danced to the music, grabbing the tea kettle, filling it with water, and placing it on the stove. Leaning against the kitchen counter, she waited for the water to boil, a gentle grin on her lips as she enjoyed the tune playing on the radio. Amidst the music, she caught the sound of distant footsteps drawing near, resembling the click-clack of shoes on the floor. The footsteps approached closer and closer, the radio crackling with static as someone passed by, yet the song remained uninterrupted.

As she stood there, she suddenly felt strong arms enveloping her waist from behind. The familiar scent of pine and burnt leaves filled her senses, mingling with the metallic tang of copper. Pressed against her back, she could feel his chest, and his warm breath tickled her neck as he nuzzled into the crook of her shoulder. Julia couldn't help but notice his heavy panting, which initially worried her. The smell of blood in the air made her fear that he might be injured. However, all her worries vanished when she felt the warmth of his tongue tracing up her collarbone. Instantly, her face flushed a deep shade of red, mirroring the colour of his suit. Alastor reached over her, effortlessly picking up the kettle and placing it on the counter before turning off the stove dial.

Julia's voice trembled as she uttered, "Alastor, what has come over you?" The question hung in the air, unanswered. But before she could comprehend the situation, her breath caught in her throat as he scooped her up in his arms, holding her like a bride. Their lips collided in a fervent and intoxicating kiss, leaving her gasping for air. Gone was the anger that once consumed him; now his eyes blazed with a fiery passion, a seductive and untamed allure. His scarlet pupils dilated, revealing the depth of his desire. Julia reciprocated his kiss, desperately trying to match his newfound intensity. He carried her effortlessly into the living room, gently placing her on the wooden floor in front of the crackling fireplace. Looking up at him, her vibrant blue eyes only fueled the flames of seduction. With her arms wrapped around his neck, she noticed the transformation in him - his antlers seemed larger, and his hair dishevelled. Alastor gazed down at Julia with a mixture of love and passion, his eyes radiating a crimson glow that enveloped her in its warmth. His breathing had slowed, and his hands rested on either side of her head as if cherishing the moment.

He whispered sweet words of adoration to Julia, who responded with a nod before their lips locked in a passionate kiss. Alastor then swept her off her feet and carried her into the living room, where the crackling fire added to the warmth of the moment. As he gently laid her down on the wooden floor, her hair fanned out around her. Despite his bloodlust, Alastor found peace in her presence. Heat radiated from his lower belly as he sensed the primal urge coursing through his veins. Before long, Alastor found himself hovering over her, his lean legs enclosing her. Leaning in close, his breath mingled with hers. Julia's heart raced as she locked eyes with his alluring gaze. His half-closed eyes and faint smile hinted at his intentions.

“Alas, this wasn't exactly what I had envisioned for this moment, but fate had other plans.” Alastor's hands, large and commanding, glided down her body with a tantalizing touch. With effortless ease, he parted her thighs, positioning himself between them. A gasp escaped her lips as she felt his undeniable masculinity penetrate her depths. Alastor's unwavering gaze remained fixed on her, savouring every flicker of emotion that danced across her face. The way her lips parted and a soft whimper escaped her throat only added to his adoration. With skilled precision, he skillfully removed her clothing, leaving her completely exposed to his desires.

“Oh my, you truly are a captivating vision. I could devour you whole," He slowly moved closer, sliding along the smooth wooden floor, never breaking eye contact with Julia as he positioned himself. Alastor sensually placed her thighs over his shoulders, teasing and tantalizing the delicate skin with gentle bites and licks. Each touch elicited moans from her lips and intensified her desire. Without hesitation, his wicked tongue explored the depths of her being. A low, guttural groan escaped Alastor's throat as he savoured her taste. She was divine, becoming his newfound obsession.

Alastor indulged in the taste of Julia's essence, his mischievous tongue exploring every inch of her desire. As his tongue playfully danced, Julia couldn't help but surrender to the waves of ecstasy. Instinctively, her hands found their way to the crown of Alastor's head, gripping his budding antlers as if her life depended on it. Alastor's fervent devotion consumed her, his moans against her skin sending delightful shivers down her spine. The pleasure he bestowed upon Julia was nothing short of divine. With each passing moment, she yearned for release, craving it with every fibre of her being. And when Alastor's lips finally embraced her most intimate parts, she was overcome. Her climax crashed over her like a tidal wave, the intensity peaking as her thighs clenched around Alastor's head.

"A-Alastor!" Her vision blurred as he guided Julia through her climax, only withdrawing when he sensed her legs relaxing. As she regained her breath, Alastor positioned himself between her thighs. Swiftly undoing his belt, he lowered his trousers to reveal his erect member. He stared down at Julia with an intensity that made her feel like his prey. Her mind was hazy, but she nodded in consent. With her free hand, she grasped the back of Alastor's neck and pulled him towards her. He positioned himself at her entrance, causing Alastor's breath to catch in anticipation.

With a firm thrust, Alastor pressed his hips forward. Gradually, he immersed himself into Julia, inch by inch. "Oh my... you're gripping me so tightly..." The sensation was exquisite, as Alastor filled her. It was as if they were meant for each other. Julia released a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. Alastor's gaze overflowed with affection, causing her heart to flutter. "You belong to me, completely." Alastor declared, before capturing her lips with his own. In that passionate kiss, he poured all of his emotions, causing Julia to close her eyes as her hands tangled in his unique two-toned hair.

Alastor's tongue traced the curve of her lower lip, silently seeking permission to intensify their passionate embrace. Without hesitation, Julia granted him access, allowing him to explore the depths of her mouth. A soft whimper escaped her lips as her fingertips delicately caressed his ears. The sensation caused Alastor's desire to surge, his body responding eagerly to the warmth enveloping him.

Overwhelmed by pleasure, he broke away from the kiss, his head thrown back in ecstasy as her nails grazed the sensitive base of his ears. A lascivious moan escaped his lips, causing Julia's inner walls to quiver around him. Their eyes locked, and Alastor's gaze grew darker, filled with an insatiable hunger. "You should know, my love, that I won't be able to restrain myself any longer," he whispered, punctuating his words with a shallow but powerful thrust. Julia's moan echoed through the air as Alastor pressed his pelvis against hers, ensuring their connection remained deep and unyielding.

Alastor couldn't help but release a mixture of laughter and pleasure, the sound resonating from deep within his chest. He leaned in, their lips barely grazing each other's. With a forceful and rapid movement, he thrust his hips against Julia, emitting deep grunts and moans. Julia clung to his antlers; her senses overwhelmed. Each thrust hit her sweet spot, causing her to see stars. Alastor's hands began to explore, moving faster as her back arched. He teased her nipple with his thumb and forefinger, while his intense gaze absorbed every reaction she displayed, leaving him dizzy with desire.

Alastor's hands swiftly moved to Julia's thighs, lifting them towards her chest. He trembled as he penetrated her more deeply than ever before. His playful actions only brought her closer to the edge, a fact he was well aware of. "Please, please, please!" Julia pleaded, holding onto his antlers tightly as she met his forceful movements with her own. Alastor chuckled darkly. A guttural moan escaped her lips as she writhed on the floor. Her legs spasmed as she climaxed. But this orgasm was unlike any she had experienced before. Julia barely had time to catch her breath before feeling Alastor inside her once again.

The possessive nature of his touch always ignited a fiery passion within Julia. With every powerful movement, he filled her, leaving her breathless. Alastor let out a primal moan as he came to a halt, releasing himself deep inside her. Julia whimpered, overwhelmed by the sensation of being completely claimed by Alastor. Gritting his teeth, he emptied himself into her. Collapsing onto her, Alastor whispered, "That was beyond amazing, my love." Julia chuckled, her breath still heavy, as Alastor rolled off her and settled beside her on the floor. She watched as he discarded the last of his clothing, before pulling her close in his arms. "You are my perfect match, my dear." As they lay intertwined, both warmed by the fire and their passionate encounter, Julia and Alastor drifted off to sleep.

Alastor woke up to the gentle touch of the sun's rays on his face, causing him to groan and rub the remnants of sleep from his eyes. As he reached out with his free arm, he expected to find Julia beside him, but all he felt was the chilling touch of the wooden floor. Sitting up, the Radio Demon noticed that the fire in the fireplace had long been extinguished, leaving behind only lukewarm ashes. It seemed as though Julia had taken care of him during the night or morning, as a blanket was draped over him as if she had tucked him in. Pushing his hair away from his eyes, Alastor spotted his robe neatly folded on the coffee table nearby, beckoning him to start the day.

Alastor's lips curved into a gentle smile, impressed by her foresight. He draped the blanket around his body, tying the sash tightly for modesty. How long had she been up? Normally, she was the one to sleep in until midday. As he picked up the blanket, he instantly recognized it as her favourite one she snuggled with while reading horror novels. Folding it neatly, he placed it on the couch's armrest. The Overlord observed that she had already gathered all the clothes from the previous night. Where could she be? She wouldn't wander off without him. "Darling?" He called out, but there was no response. His ears perked up, straining to catch any sound she might make - a soft footstep or her sweet humming that he adored.

As a gentle breeze brushed past him, Alastor turned his head to see the front door ajar, while the screen door remained shut. Stepping out onto the front porch, he spotted Julia leaning against the railing, her striking blue eyes fixed on a small family of deer grazing near the tree line. A sense of relief washed over Alastor, even though he knew she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Not seeing her first thing in the morning always made him dark heartache. Silently approaching her, he wrapped his right arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side as she greeted him with a smile.

Julia's words were filled with sincerity as she spoke, "I apologize if I caused you any concern." As she gently caressed the back of his hand with her thumb, Alastor responded with a soft hum. Leaning down, he placed a tender kiss on the top of her head. In the morning sunlight, Julia appeared radiant, resembling an angel with the vibrant hues of pink and blue painting the sky. Her captivating blue eyes wandered back to the family of deer, where a buck stood protectively beside a doe, keeping a watchful eye on their surroundings. Two young fawns frolicked and played in their delightful way, bringing a smile to Julia's face and filling her heart with warmth. Alastor found the scene incredibly endearing, and he expressed his affection by giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. His gaze shifted from her stomach to the young fawns, cherishing the beauty of the moment.

“I understand why you're fond of them," he remarked, his smile never fading. "Those little dots they have are just too precious. Unfortunately, the hunters have to intervene, but I suppose it's necessary to maintain the population." She let out a sigh, her gaze fixed on the ground. Suddenly, she snapped out of it. "I left some corn and apple slices for them. I never go near the edge of the forest. My mom used to say I had quite the throwing arm," she chuckled.

Julia grabbed Alastor's hand and guided him inside the house, a sudden gust of wind making her hair fly into her face. Alastor chuckled and gently moved the stray hair away from her eyes. "I'll whip us up some breakfast, my dear." Alastor grinned at her. "Not today." She cut him off with a joyful smile, standing confidently in front of him with hands on her hips, his crimson button-up shirt enveloping her figure perfectly. "Let me give it a shot this time, even you deserve a break now and then, Big Red."

Alastor's grin widened as he looked down at her, captivated by her charmingly playful demeanour. There was a certain allure to her that made him believe she had started the day on a particularly positive note. Today, she seemed to have an extra spring in her step. Standing on her tiptoes, she playfully tapped his nose. "I may not be as amazing as my grandma, but I've picked up a few tricks from her!" With a swift turn on her heel, she made her way to the kitchen, heading straight for the French press to prepare her famous Barista-style coffee that Alastor adored.

Warmth enveloped his chest as Alastor hummed, "Well thank you, my dear. I'll go freshen up, enjoy yourself, darling." With that, he bid her farewell and made his way upstairs. She watched his tall figure vanish before opening the fridge to retrieve a carton of eggs. Alastor entered the bedroom, glancing at the boxes near the dresser containing his clothes. He hadn't intended for her to discover the basement. He should have taken care of that before she ventured down there.

It was inevitable. She had uncovered Alastor's true nature, and his past actions, and despite the lack of specifics, she had embraced him. Most ordinary humans would have fled at the sight of his arsenal of weapons. Yet, she remained steadfast. Alastor crouched down and picked up a crimson button-down shirt, its sleeves long and adorned with black buttons and maroon cuffs. He paired it with solid black trousers and a sleeveless, black button-up vest. Stepping into the bathroom, he gazed at his reflection, a rare occurrence since the night of his demise. The demon shook off the haunting memories, choosing not to dwell on the darkness. For her sake, he would continue to wear a smile, no matter what.

After getting dressed, he ran a comb through his fiery red hair, meticulously styling it to perfection. His hair was his pride and joy, and he was extremely particular about its appearance. Anyone foolish enough to tug on it would face the wrath of his fury, as he would swiftly remove their jaw. Alastor had been plagued by a nagging spot ever since he was shot in the back of his head, causing his hair to never quite fall into place. The back of his head sported a shorter length, creating a stylish angled bob. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he decided to embrace the unruliness and allowed his hair to have a mind of its own.

Julia was the only one who had ever run her fingers through his hair, apart from his mother, of course. Back when he was just a young boy, she would help him style it. As he was getting ready to leave the bathroom, something peculiar caught his attention. Alastor cocked his head to the side, his ears perking up as he noticed a plastic stick-like object resting on the edge of the bathtub next to the toilet. He gazed down at it, puzzled, his mind whirring as he tried to figure out what the stick-like thing was. And it wasn't just one - there were two more lined up beside it. Recalling her cheerful demeanour, he realized it might be a result of how nicely he had treated her the night before. He couldn't shake off the image of her radiant smile in the morning sunlight, she seemed to be even happier.

Alastor's eyes widened in a sudden moment of realization, feeling a rush of happiness as his deer tail wagged in excitement. He picked up one of the stick-like items with his gloved hand, noticing a red plus symbol in the center. Looking down at the others, he saw they all matched. In the mirror, the Radio Demon's shadow grinned wider as Alastor exclaimed, "What a surprise!" With a flash, he vanished into the other shadows, leaving his shadowy doppelganger behind.

Julia hovered by the stove, tapping her foot while expertly flipping the omelet to perfection. Baking was her forte, but she could hold her own in the kitchen. Before Alastor passed away, they had a routine - he cooked, she cleaned. Occasionally, they would swap roles for fun. Suddenly, she felt a familiar touch pulling her away from the stove. Alastor's beaming face greeted her, his eyes sparkling with magic.

He whispered lovingly, planting a gentle kiss on Julia's cheek before gracefully sinking to his knees. Embracing her hips, he nestled his head against her stomach. "Why didn't you inform me about the pregnancy test?" Her eyes widened in surprise. "Alastor! I wanted to astonish you. I must have forgotten amidst the excitement." He tightened his hold on her, his touch possessive yet filled with adoration. Julia understood his intentions were pure. "My beloved Julia, can you fathom the immense joy that fills my heart? Oh! Just imagine what my mother would say."

Julia gently caressed his hair and rubbed it behind his ear. "How many weeks are you?" Alastor asked. "I'm not exactly sure. I went to the bathroom a week ago and realized I missed my period," she confessed, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I took the tests this morning to confirm my suspicion. Let's just call it a woman's intuition."

Alastor was overwhelmed by this revelation, and its significance went far beyond Julia's comprehension. She had no inkling of the depth of his emotions. Although she wasn't visibly pregnant yet, his instincts were already on high alert. Regardless, he vowed to support her unconditionally throughout the entire journey. Alastor was never one to seek assistance, but as Julia progressed further into her pregnancy, he knew he would have to rely on a trusted partner to watch over her. And not just anyone, but someone he could wholeheartedly trust.

Next: Chapter 9

[cto10121]

Waking Romeo (2021)—Review Part 3

[Part 1] [Part 2] In which Romeo reveals himself to be an arrant villain and other totally canon-compliant things, Jules is girlbossed into doing All the Things(tm) as “development” and my ending thoughts. Spoilers as always.

[Jules POV] “I know,” he says, his hand still resting on my knee. “Your mum told my mum, and she told me. It was probably for the best. We were young, Juliet. Young and impulsive. But we’ve got another chance now.” (261)

Of course this Romeo would be perfectly nonchalant about his and Jules’ child dying. Because Canon Romeo is well-known for his callous indifference to anything regarding his love interest.

[Jules POV] And then I remember. This is Romeo.

All at once, my mind is filling with bits and pieces that I had to write a whole make-believe story just to gloss over. How he was busy telling Rosaline that he loved her one night before we got together at that party. How I cried on his shoulder about Tybalt dying and, somehow, he parlayed my grief into a make-out session. How he always played the victim and blamed others for everything. How he was forever talking up how great he was. How he told me that he loved me, over and over, after only a couple of hours. How the whole marriage thing came about after I told him I wanted to wait. How the drugs were his idea.

He didn't force me into anything. They were my choices. I did those things. I was there, in the thick of it, loving every moment—for the most part. But there was a reason the Romeo in my story was so perfectly romantic—I was compensating. (262)

Didn’t Jules come to this realization pages before??? Ugh, this book is a mess. At this point this Romeo is just an red-flag OC in a flesh suit. Also, didn’t Jules say that Rosaline was the one who broke his heart???

Also, also, if Jules wrote R&J the play, then that means she also wrote Tybalt being the aggressor, Romeo killing Tybalt, and her fictional self being angry at him for it. Why would a delusional lovesick teen girl do that?

[Jules POV] I don’t believe it.

She put him in a pod.

She sent my son forward in time.

“William…he’s alive?”

And here is where things really get stupid.

Apparently Jules’ son (William, aka Frogs) not only survived, but was sent forward in time two years by Jules’ mother and aunt. This was done because Jules was 1) too traumatized and obsessed with Romeo to be a mother to William and 2) too young to raise a whole ass kid. Okay. So why didn’t Jules’ mother and/or aunt raise him? Or idk hire an actual nurse for him?

I don’t know. This book has broken me.

[Ellis POV] It takes a moment for the implication of that to sink in. “You want to pass off Jules’ story as a play actually penned by Shakespeare?” […]

He continues, happily nattering away. “I think you’d like her next story, actually. It’s about a prince this time. Starts with a ghost, just like in Wuthering Heights, and opens with the same first line as the myth of Narcissus.” (297).

Die (Reprise, scherzo)

[Jules POV] “I should have brought him back to you,” she says again, almost a whisper. “I really did mean to. But it was so easy to just push the button once more, sending him forward another year. Just one more year, until you were ready.”

Suddenly her constant mantra about me needing to grow up makes sense. She needed me to show that I was responsible. That I wasn't suicidal or reckless anymore. She needed me to prove that I was ready to be a mother.

Mum looks at me with a kind of raw desperation. I still give her nothing. (302)

Yeah, girl, give her nothing. Jesus Christ, even Jules knows it’s all bullshit. OG Lady Capulet would have done away with the child and that would have been in character.

[Jules POV] “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty…”

I give a humorless snort at the sappiness of it. If life really was a story, I'd make this a poignant the-wheel-is-come-full-circle moment. It would be all “the true beauty that I needed to see was in me" and “the love that I journeyed to find had nothing to do with a boy,” et cetera.

Well, corny or not, maybe it's true. Either way; when I look in the mirror, I know—and am even starting to like who’s there…which actually strikes me as a pretty good beginning. (317)

[Ellis POV] When he looks at me, the hatred in his eyes is unmistakable.

“You stole my life," he says bluntly, "My wife, my son. I was meant to be the hero. It was meant to be my story, not yours. Romeo and Juliet—that's what was meant to happen."

“But that's not what happened,” says Frogs. “That's not the life she chose.”

“She wanted me. She was obsessed with me,” insists Romeo. “Without Ellis, I would have stayed at the center of everything. I was meant to be important. I was born to be important. So really, this isn't even my fault. Ellis is to blame. I'm just putting things right.” (326)

This Romeo went from “It’s not you it’s me” and not gaf about his kid or Jules to “We were meant to be!!!” simply because the plot said so. This author clearly couldn’t decide which flavor of Romeo the Death Eater she wanted, so she did all of them.

[Jules POV] I close the cover and see that he's changed the order of our names—Romeo & Juliet instead of Juliet & Romeo. Self-centered jerk. I'm about to change it back, then I decide no—it's better that way. In my story I did put myself second.

But not anymore.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

I can’t believe I have to explain this as I shouldn’t have to explain this and I resent having to explain this…but the order of the names in a couple has less to do with gender power dynamics and all to do with the literal English language and its peculiar stresses, i.e. how easily the two names roll off the tongue.

Hence Romeo and Juliet >>>> Juliet and Romeo. Bonnie and Clyde >>>>> Clyde and Bonnie. And then there are some couple names that sound good either way, e.g. Bella and Edward ~ Edward and Bella, with the former being a bit more smooth than the latter.

[Jules POV] I lay my notebook back down alongside Ellis's novel. His story and mine, finally united...if only here, on my crummy old desk. For a moment I stare at Wuthering Heights, lauded by history as a tale of epic love. Then I look to my own play, Romeo & Juliet. And I decide, actually, they're both pretty crap examples as far as the women go. I mean, all-consuming love and passion? A focus on nothing but hearts?

No, there’s a much bigger picture. (337)

How dare books about romance be romantic!!!!

Honestly, the hypocrisy of this novel that has focused on tedious UST and stupid time travel shenanigans for over 90% of its page count now suddenly pretending it cares about its cookie-cutter dystopian world is galling. Its attempt to turn Jules into a Mary Sue activist and leader of the Settlement by making her one big grand plan to…plant stuff just adds assault to injury.

[Jules’ POV] “Love isn't everything,” I say again, more forceful.

Ellis says nothing.

On instinct, I gaze down at my son. Then I look back at my friends, my family. They suddenly don't strike me as an audience anymore. Audiences are bad as tourists—watching things go south, but doing nothing. No, they resemble an army. Not soldiers, like in Ellis's “buck up” mantra. Not troops; a “buck up" troupe. Every single person a key player in the new narrative. Everyone big and small—with an important role in the fight to turn the tide. We still have time, and time can mend. I stare at them and decide they really are the seed: the past, the now, and the future. Then I look beyond them…

…and I feel it. (368)

*Aspects of Love voice* Love / Love isn’t everything / But the author / Needs her bag

Conclusion

Ho boy, this reread turned out worse than even my original memories once I got past the actual uniqueness of this book’s premise. I think it’s the fact that this time I was able to follow the time travel narrative more closely and thus I picked up on all the messages the author decided to uncritically impart without considering the misogynistic implications therein.

The whole message of this novel is, basically, don’t be a basic bitch. Romantic love is inherently bad and threatens to subvert the natural order: Obedience and servitude to your community and your hard-working parents. Jules must learn that she had made a grave mistake in committing suicide for love. Fine, except that the novel, realizing the psychological absurdity of a supposedly smart and savvy Jules being so blind to Romeo’s faults, adds the twist that Jules was acting out of unprocessed grief for her cousin Tybalt’s death. Tybalt, who is mentioned no more than half a dozen times in the book and who has no personality or relationship with Jules whatsoever. Awful.

As for Romeo…he is just an OC frat boy turned villain in a Canon Romeo flesh suit. There have been arguably worse instances of his vilification (Juliet Immortal comes to mind) but Barker manages to mix up several different strands of Romeo-is-the-worst-actually into one incoherent muddle. Romeo begins as your typical twink fuckboi and ends up a jealous villainous ex who almost kills Ellis.

But even with Romeo’s vilification and Jules’ girlbossification (which to me feel strangely complementary), the new pairing with Ellis still doesn’t work. Barker does a piss-poor job of creating a believably 18th century time traveler and of course Ellis is not at all turned off by Jules’ tomboy Not Like Other Girls behavior the way he should. The whole part where Jules suddenly warms up to Present Ellis and his jerkishness just because Future Ellis was sweet to her exemplifies the novels’ stupid double standards regarding Romeo. As a result, what little interest their budding relationship stirs up is completely dissolved. As if realizing this, the novel tries to retcon the romance by having Jules deny she was truly in love with him—because of course she couldn’t be, since she only barely knew him—only to then have her be with him in the end after a convenient time jump.

And then there is the fact that Barker really had Romeo and Juliet’s biological kid Frogs be a super time traveling genius. He is raised by Ellis, though, so his biological father doesn’t ~really matter. Of course. And of course he survived his mother’s suicide attempt and a cocktail of drugs with only a cool deformity (mismatched eyes) and the ability to see time. Of course.

Other assaults to reason abound. A sixteen-year-old becoming the leader of a community over adults without any pushback is a fantasy more ludicrous than the time travel. The nice and benign adults lied to Jules and robbed her of her choice to raise her child, possibly endangering him in the process, and Jules’ reaction is that of uncritical acceptance.

In short, it seems to me that somewhere in the middle of writing her draft Barker got some reader/editor feedback/pushback on some key points in her narrative and decided to switch thematic gears hastily from basic-girl-learns-about-toxic-relationships-by-comparing-ex-douchebag-with-new-love-interest to basic-girl-learns-how-to-be-a-girlboss-and-girlbosses-awesomely-because-she-needs-no-man-actually. Either way, R&J and Wuthering Heights are left mangled for no good reason. Oy.