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#i seriously hate myself more than anything
mal3vol3nt · 2 days
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https://www.tumblr.com/longing-for-rain/755847912227028992/here-we-observe-the-aang-boymom-in-its-natural?source=share
Hi! I'm curious on your thoughts of this meta.
hi anon! so sorry for keeping you waiting with this response, i know it’s been months. unfortunately this probably isn’t gonna be the response you wanted to hear—me breaking down this zk brainrot rant and subverting their claims with canon content. please allow me to explain though (this is gonna be long sorry):
the reasons i’ve been slow to answer this ask and others that have sent me zk rants are:
since joining atla twitter (@arrsapphics if you’re cool) i’ve been exposed to a lot more zk coke-fueled rants and just do not have the energy to torture myself by willingly reading their shit
a lot of these zutara stans on tumblr are a lot more deranged and genuinely horrible people now that i’ve been exposed to the twitter zks. of course, zks are stupid and ship-obsessed on every platform and some of them (one in particular comes to mind—if you’re on twitter then you know) are genuinely just as bad, but i feel the ones on here have a special type of hatred considering they can tag their posts to ensure their hate stays within the echo chamber
CONTENT WARNING: RAP3
the second reason is the biggest part of why i will no longer entertain posts from longing-for-rain. i have recently found out via twitter that they write rape fanfiction of katara. being a chronically online shipper is one thing but to write fanfic of katara being raped so that zuko can save her is truly where i have to disengage. they have also posted rants of them analyzing katara’s body in the show, measuring the size of her breasts and hips to support the delusions in their head about this 14 year old girl. i truly cannot engage with this person’s rants as if they’re just regular shipping war bullshit. this person is a sick individual who not only projects onto a 14 year old brown indigenous character but also sexualizes and adultifies her
for these reasons, i refuse to read a rant posted by her and other big zk blogs on this app. people who take their obvious fetishes and racism and project them onto underaged asian and indigenous characters have gained too much attention from me on this blog. i can’t continue reading rants from these people and analyzing them because i know these people are not treating this show and its characters under an appropriate lens and arguing with their points will do absolutely nothing but enrage me, other people in the ka fandom, and fuel their delusions with our anger as “proof” their arguments hold any weight. on twitter, i’ll continue interacting with what comes up on my tl from my atla moots and if that includes shitting on a deranged zk then fine. but on tumblr i refuse to engage, especially since this app has a tagging system that i use religiously
and i would like to encourage anyone who reads this to also refuse to take this person’s rants seriously and look at them as nothing more than cope-hatred by a sick individual with sick fantasies and thoughts about these minor characters. of course, if you choose to still engage then i won’t stop you and will probably like and reblog your posts 😭
i will just no longer willingly click on links to their rants and subject myself to their bullshit. however, if you’d like for me to argue against zk claims then you are more than welcome to send me a summary of what they’ve said and i’ll do my best to organize a response! i absolutely do not want to discourage anyone from sending me asks because i truly do enjoy answering yalls questions and i love knowing that people like hearing what i have to say on these things lol. please, send me asks about anything and everything! just please understand that i won’t be clicking any links to their posts and blogs or be entertaining anything that comes from the three main delusional zk blogs 🙏
i hope this has made sense and again, i’m sorry anon for taking so long to answer this ask and for not giving the expected response 🫶
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sensitivegoblin · 2 years
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werebutch · 4 months
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sorry im gonna be an asshole but if my dad knew he couldnt take care of us with the progression of his diseases then why did he fight so hard for custody. im 20 yrs old i shouldnt still be thinking abt this but still like. a billion years of neglect the fact that he is sick is irrelevant when he knew very well that he wouldnt meet our basic needs. sorry. and now its on me to take care of 2 mostly-adult teenagers who hate my guts and still think they're 12 years old and cant go to the store. or clean. or whayever. AGHHHHHHH
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magentagalaxies · 4 months
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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13eyond13 · 6 months
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#here's some of the classics on that list i have beef with btw:#i have tried to read A Confederacy of Dunces several times and it's funny but it's also so cringe and Ignatius is so obnoxious#that i find it too difficult to finish like i just feel depressed and bad for everybody around him too much#i tried reading Infinite Jest like a decade ago and i got like 200 pages in and i remember thinking it felt like#such a slog the entire time because he's just so gd wordy and also i stopped liking DFW after i heard the abuse allegations against him#frankenstein i didnt read that long ago but i just remember finding it so boring for some reason?? i feel i might need to read it again#dracula ngl i feel like im cheating a bit saying ive completely read it because i loved the beginning and then HATED so much of the rest#the characters were just so boring and melodramatic hahaha i just liked the part where jonathan was doing a travel diary#and trapped in the castle tbh and after that i skimmed quite a bit#i almost flipped my shit when i saw ender's game on there because I ALWAYS mix it up with ready player one by ernest cline#which i bought the audiobook of a while back and hated every minute of it i dont think its good at all#but it wasnt that so phew my faith in this list is somewhat restored#i read most of the first game of thrones book and was disappointed tbh maybe because id seen the show already#so i was like 'this feels almost exactly the same except worse?' because i'd been expecting it to give me more depth and insight#into the characters but instead it felt exactly the same and i still didnt love any of the characters enough to feel attached to them#also i am fully aware me not personally liking or vibing with a book doesnt mean it doesnt deserve to be considered great btw#but i think if youre gonna be like me and force yourself to go through a bunch of lists like this very seriously then you also need to just#let yourself be like 'yeah not for me' without feeling too bad about it sometimes too#often times i dont particularly love the classics or 'important books' but at the same time#i still feel like im getting more out of reading them than just grabbing the newest hyped up books that also dont do anything for me#maybe not in a 'wow i loved reading this' way but in like a#'i now have first-hand knowledge of this thing that is so influential / so frequently referenced'#or 'this challenged me and i feel like i did a mental/emotional workout or gave me some new food for thought'#or 'made me more aware of what gaps in my knowledge and reading skills and what my tastes are too'#sort of way...#it really just depends on what you're reading for and why and what you're hoping to get out of it a lot of the time maybe#it's like the homework i give myself to go through these lists that i also intersperse with the stuff i read more just for fun#p
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irritablepoe · 7 months
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y u crying?
Well technically I'm not crying yet👀 but. Uh. Life is happening to me and lil ol' socially-a-wreck me can't take it apparently
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autistic-katara · 10 months
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i need to read some fanfiction before i actually kill myself
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beardedhandstoadshark · 8 months
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What are your pronouns? I’m sorry if this is personal 🙏 Don’t kill me
Ok!
I‘m gonna kill you AND pair all your socks together wrong >:)
(Jk jk) Yea no worries! If anything, asking is considerate, is it not?
Anyways, in your mind just call me whatever you feel like fits best ^^ while there is a specific set of pronouns I also genuinely do not mind or care if the terms I get called are meant for guys gals or non-binary pals lmao. If someone goes "Hey bro“, another one "Hey sis“ and a third one "Hey sib“ that is all perfectly fine and cool for me!
(Except the last one but that’s only because sib sounds weird >v<)
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shivermewhiskerz · 1 year
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//Venting in Tags:: TW Sewerslide and shit like that
#dude seriously sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. and the people around me would be better off if I wasn’t around#I know they love me they say it all the time but at the same time in the back of my head there’s just this little voice telling me like#telling me its all fake. telling me theyre only staying out of pity for me or something like that#theres so many things wrong with me and if it’s not on the inside or how I act its how Im presented#I hear it all the time ‘you need to lose weight’ or ‘your face looks bad (acne)’ or literally anything#even small shit like I got told I was feminine and it hit me like a truck#I never EVER liked myself#I cant remember a time when I did#even when I was little I knew there was something wrong with me#I genuinely cant remember a single time when I was happy with myself and my life#I love my friends more than anything#and I have family members I would do anything for#but I know damn well what a disappointment I must be. Im not productive I don’t talk to anybody irl I don’t do anything irl I’m just#lazy and gross and depressed and stupid#I hate myself I always have and I don’t think I’ll ever stop hating myself#I have a fucking suicide note written and everything because I know one of these days somethings going to happen#and I won’t be able to stand it#and I’ll do something idiotic#and I’ll find the one permanent solution to a possibly temporary problem#I don’t want to be this way but I can’t bring myself to fix anything#it’s like my mind and body won’t let me get better. maybe i was just destined to be this gross fucking thing#maybe that’s it#maybe I don’t have a purpose. maybe I was just born to suffer#who knows. maybe Im overthinking everything. maybe im fine. maybe it’s gonna be ok. but I don’t know#I just don’t know anymore#I don’t know what to do
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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#yeah! ill do thing#haha. i cant do anything today muchless feed myself#i cant fuction#personal#diary#i want to make a late or an espresso and theres nothing cleared off like my mom said it would so now idk what to do#i went from good morning to near meltdown in .5 seconds huh?#this is why i dont like it when someone says then tries to shut me up and doesnt do thing#like??? i didnt care id u cleared off infront of my espresso tbing that takes 5 seconds. but a peice of countertop???#yeah idk where i could even put anything#so yeah now i dont know what to do and am in pure stuck mode. bc i dont have space to make food either.#honestly i just hate everything so much. i hate life so much. im so tired i dont like this.#*david Attenborough voice* now look at this creature. utterly incapable of functioning without coffee. how useless.#ugh. seriously though. if i can just get through a morning and make coffee i can generally be more okay than i would otherwise#do you know how much it fucking sucks just waking up and being like#ugh. like i know this is probably in part bc i should be getting my period soon. but. its days like today i sorta wish i was dead#suicidal ideation#like. what am i supposed to do when it feels like the whole world is hostile. like. just one deviation from my plan and i cant handle ti#idk. it sucks really. im honestly not even asking for much anymore. i just wish i could at least play video games really.#if i could at least do that it wouldnt feel like such torture just existing. idk. i just want one thing.#idk. i know a lot of this is hormonal but even that sucks! why the fuck do i have to live like this.#idk. im really tired. really really tired. i still have to do work too this week. and honestly im so tired.#while i really do enjoy doing things n life n shit. i hate that like 90% of my life is just suffering. just pure suffering#...and yes i am wishing i am dead or something simply bc i couldnt make a latte like i planned#and no i will not be able to make myself breakfast now either. my morning is ruined now. so im unable to function#ugh. i just wanted to have a nice coffee and play splatoon today. but instead i got a nice case of yet again#idk. id be okay if there was just. nothing expected of me. if i didnt have to feed myself or work or shit.#like. me not wanting to exist is mostly just bc of the inconvenience i cause everyone around me#i have to be careful of what i say careful of what i do make sure i never bother anyone.#and so i just quietly cant functiom over here in a corner. just ugh. usually i can tidy shit up myself
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cats-in-the-clouds · 2 years
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y’know that one tiktok of that conservative girl being like ‘pretending to be a liberal so i get more credit in class 🤪’ because i’ve been thinking about it so much lately. genuinely that’s so embarrassing imagine publicly admitting that you don’t have a spine and instead of ever being true to yourself you ultimately bend to others’ wills to make them like you more, all while quietly seething with contempt for said people because you think you’re better than them
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confusedsiewmai · 7 months
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inkskinned · 1 year
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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sensitivegoblin · 8 months
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Vent
Tw: suicide
#I need a hug#I've got heavy shit on the mind#I'm hypersexual n need sex but at the same time I'm tired of whoring myself out for attention#there's people I keep around even tho I'm 90% sure they're just using me#just seems funny that im suddenly popular when I get the energy to send spicy pics#this is about several people still here and not#I know it's my fault for letting myself be used#but at this point?.....I hate myself so much and I want the attention more than I wanna be safe#I don't see vaule in myself unless it's sexual.....but even then#im seriously feeling broken#my life wasn't horrible I have no excuse to be this much of a loser#but no matter how hard I try nothing changes#I don't think I'll ever feel loved n safe#I wanna fall asleep in arms that are 110% safe#I'm not being used everything's equal and I'm confident I won't be dumped#why am I broken in these ways when I had a good life that people who are actually abused envy#I wish something solid happened in my life so I wouldn't feel like a fake loser#what if God tells me I was subconsciously lazy the whole time#IM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING but; I'm just really feeling like I'm a bad person who needs to be exterminated#but what if subconsciously I'm just saying that because I want attention?#what if I'm subconsciously making every problem up and I'm just lazy and bad and evil#I really feel like the world would be better off without me even if it makes my loved ones sad#I know this one's far fetched but it's a real anxiety I have and I need to get it off my chest in hopes I'll forget it;#what if in my effort to make everyone happy I'm subconsciously following the devil's deeds cus I'm the antichrist?#right now logically I'm not 100% there#but there are times during anxiety attacks where it feels more than 100% possible that I'm that evil...#I just feel like I'm desperately trying to scrub my subconscious clean and I can't reach these really dark places#I can't see everything and it scares me what if there's stuff I don't agreee with there#I wish someone could understand these feelings but I just think I'm so fucked up m twisted#:( I don't wanna be a bad person
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genderkiller · 10 months
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hi guys
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oscargender · 1 year
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I have some thoughts brewing abt my gender and sexuality that I might feel ready to share soon. Idk idk
#I always get fucking switcharoo’ed though as soon as I start hyping myself up to come out#like I was 🤏 this fucking close to coming out as [redacted] a few months ago#but then a breakup and tlt rewrote my brain chemistry and now idk about anything anymore#I just. somehow feel more sure this time#I’m still just struggling a bit with insecurity abt my body (specifically my face)#the heavens cursed me with a baby face and several uncommon facial features#meaning makeup tutorials that work with my face are few and far between#I struggle to look cute as a femme and I look too femme to be interpreted as butch/masc even when I try really fucking hard#idk I’m just afraid of these identities bc the combo is sort of niche and no one irl would get it. the only thing I dread more#than not ‘’living my truth’ or w/ever#is having to explain my gender to people. I would seriously rather live in the closet for the rest of time#just. the idea of constantly being othered in that way is upsetting to me. I hate standing out#and I hate that it would another layer of complexity to like 95% of my social interactions. plus I’m afraid of getting made fun of#I would totally clock as a snowflake in my yeehaw MAGA area#I just. I want to go someplace where looking like a genderfuck is normal#I don’t want to be brave I want to be surrounded by queer people who understand what it means to truly be accepting.#who understand what it means to look at someone who the rest of society would deem undesirable or cringe or confused#and to truly see them as beautiful. to see them as beautiful specifically BECAUSE of the traits that alienate them from the rest of society#anyway I think what I really want is to move to the nearest gayborhood and adopt a dog with a hot butch who shares every one of my kinks.#is that too much to ask#weekend whining
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