#i should warn y'all

[fiveht]

Disarm You With a Smile - Chapter 3

Me: hey daddy 😈

Daddy: Oh no

Daddy: Hi baby

Me: what are you doing right now

Daddy: Proctoring an exam

Daddy: Sitting at a desk facing 14 of my students in a very quiet room

Me: how's your poker face?

Daddy: Excellent

Chapter 3 of Disarm You With a Smile, and it's 13k words, because brevity is the soul of wit and I am a potato.

[ineffable-romantics]

Psst. Hi, sorry, just wanted to offer this friendly suggestion:

Try not to think about how Crowley delivered the line "I could always rely on you" as someone who rehearsed and believed it and in light of new developments is now being forced to reconsider whether or not it's actually true.

Okay thanks for your time, bye 👋

[the-dye-stained-socialite]

May's Strip Game Part 6

[> Ask about the Lights] "The lights?" he queries. It is nearly a mockery of your own tone. "My, the Beth is an old dear I'm afraid. It's rather prone to structural issues. What with all the bills stacking up, it's rather hard to keep the lights on, I'm afraid. Sometimes half of the building will simply go out! Now, sit back, and continue to enjoy the show, won't you?" When did the votes begin to pour in so quickly? When were the Attendants able to count so rapidly? Shoes next. Did you vote for that? You're certain you.must have. It is difficult to remember the number you wrote down on your paper. Two? No, layer two has been removed a while ago. Your opinion seem to be making up more and more of the vote. Perhaps you and your fellow votes are simply more in tune. A chair has been brought out for the Merry Gentleman. He rests his cane beside it, and begins to work on his laces. Two shoes, two laces, undone nicely and neatly. A pair, but separate. How odd it would be for him to wear only one, and not the other. He sets them aside, then swings sideways in his chair. The mirrors flicked behind him. It's rather improper posture, but my does it afford you a nice view of his thighs. There are gasps, there are whimpers.

There is a brush against your back. A hand? Wider than your own. It is gone quickly. "Yes yes, let's get on with the voting."

{<<<Part One} {<Part Five} {Part Seven>}

[peaches2217]

if you're interested in talking more about it, I'd love to hear more headcannons/musings about mareach expecting/being parents!! everything you've posted has been extremely precious and adorable

I’m in the midst of formulating some second-time parent scenarios, so do look forward to that! But until I’m ready to bite the bullet, fight past my shame, and post those, have some more first-time parent floof: The Big Day edition~

✨ The closer and closer Peach gets to her due date, the less and less Mario sleeps, to the point where in the final week or two before their baby arrives he’s getting maybe thirty minutes to an hour of rest each night, and rarely all at once. Eventually Peach gives up on trying to talk him down herself and gets a bunch of their friends involved in an elaborate plot just so he can get some sleep (which I’ve discussed here 😌). The plot works, and he sleeps for like a solid twenty-six hours! And it ends up being very good timing, because she goes into labor the following day.

✨ Mario’s overseeing preparations for some upcoming festivity (Toads have at least one major holiday each month — party people, they are) when he catches sight of Toadette approaching him. And his stomach lurches into his throat before he can even see her face or she can even get close enough to say anything, because he knows. As her lady-in-waiting and one of her closest friends, Toadette hasn’t left Peach’s side in the past few weeks unless Mario’s been there, and why else would she do so now unless something major was happening? What ensues is exactly the sort of spectacle Toadette had been hoping to avoid: Mario barreling through the crowd, sending Toads flying like bowling pins, abandoning all decency and rationale in a bid to get to Peach as quickly as possible.

✨ As soon as he reaches her, he’s showering her in kisses and inquiring about her mental state and her pain levels and telling her that he loves her so much and he’s going to be right here with her no matter what. Considering she’s been in labor for an hour tops, Peach isn’t even too uncomfortable yet; honestly she’s a lot more collected than her husband at that moment. So she giggles and lets him get it out of his system because she’ll never turn down an opportunity to be lavished in love. Stars know she’ll need that support soon enough.

✨ “Your hero just about caused a national panic,” Toadette snarls twenty minutes later, returning to Peach’s room after joining forces with Toadsworth to calm the understandably alarmed crowds. Peach finds it significantly more amusing than she does.

✨ Daisy’s already there because she was part of Operation: Go the Fuck to Sleep, Mario (“We’re not calling it that,” Peach said. “I’m calling it that,” Daisy said back.), so she insists she may as well make herself useful — Peach could benefit from having a backup buddy in the room in the off-chance Mario completely flips out. And also she wants the bragging rights of being the first of this baby’s many aunts and uncles to meet them, because that’s something she can hold over everyone’s heads for like, ever.

✨ Little-known fact about Peach: she’s got a low pain threshold, and the longer it’s crossed, the more rapidly she loses any semblance of composure. She goes from chatting normally with everyone in the room to seeking out Mario's hand with every contraction to clinging to him like a koala and shaking and moaning in agony, all in the span of like thirty minutes. I can't over-emphasize how dramatic she gets. Which, yes, it's justified, because childbirth's near-universally considered the most painful mammalian experience, but dear God, it's almost comical how quickly she loses her cool.

✨ Mario, of course, doesn't find it comical in the slightest. Seeing her like this is heartbreaking and mentally exhausting. There's not really anything he can do to ease her suffering, and that kills him, but he can't let himself dwell on it because she needs him, and he's gotta be strong for her. So he holds her close and does his best to make her laugh or at least take her mind off of it.

✨ Once that stops working, he starts singing to her, quietly, stroking her hair and pressing little kisses to her cheeks. And that works wonders! Until he starts humming one song in particular. Peach recognizes it as a favorite of his; he sang it to her while she was curled up on the bathroom floor months ago, unknowingly suffering her first bout of morning sickness. It seems like so long ago, and they've come so far, and now here they are — the sentimentality paired with an intense contraction makes her burst into tears. Mario may as well have just been shot. Actually that would probably hurt less.

✨ Daisy tries getting him to take a break, maybe step outside and get some fresh air, because she's never seen him look so distressed and it's honestly starting to worry her. So she makes the suggestion, and she hasn’t seen him look so offended since she desecrated his mother’s sacred Pizza Margherita recipe with thick slices of pineapple. Being at Peach's side is about the only thing he can do for her right now. Leaving her, even for a fraction of a second, would be unforgivable. “Okay,” Daisy relents, “just keep torturing yourself, dude.” He's keeping Peach calm for now, but if that changes, she figures she can just drag him outside herself.

✨ Luckily it never comes to that. As Peach becomes less and less consolable, Mario gets more and more focused... to the point where he gets outright bossy for her sake. He pretty much takes over half of the nurses' jobs, ordering anyone and everyone to get her a glass of water, get him a cold rag so he can wipe away her sweat and cool her off, get her some more pillows so there's less pressure on her back and the base of her spine. Hey, makes their jobs easier.

✨ "You're a badass, Peach Pit!" Daisy says at one point very near the end of the ordeal. "She's right you know," Mario tells Peach. It gets a laugh out of her for the first time in several hours. They absolutely high-five in victory.

✨ Peach immediately goes from inconsolable to overjoyed once their baby's in her arms. "It's okay," she shushes, kissing her still-crying daughter's dark hair, "it's okay, mommy's here. I love you so much." In contrast, Mario completely freezes up. It still hasn't processed yet, the fact that this is their little girl, the same one he's talked and sang and read to for the past several months. In his mind, she's still just a faceless entity, an almost metaphorical representation of his and Peach's love and their hopes for the future, except she's real, and she's always been real, and now she's here, and — and that's a lot to process when you've had one solid night's sleep in the past month.

✨ It doesn't really sink in until a bit later, when Daisy's helping Peach shower and get into fresh clothes and Mario's holding the baby, all swaddled in blankets after passing her health check with flying colors. She looks a lot like him, from her dark hair to the shape of her jaw — she may as well be Mario with a smaller nose — but it's not until she blinks sleepily up at him that it finally hits him. Those are Peach's eyes looking back at him. "Oh," he says, calmly, and then he's crying so hard he can hardly breathe.

✨ That's how Peach finds him when Daisy helps her back into the room: kissing and snuggling their daughter with a big smile and fat tears rolling down his face, babbling "Ti voglio bene! Papà ti vuole tanto bene!" to her softly. She thought she already loved him as much as one person can love another, yet here she is, falling even harder.

✨ As soon as Peach is settled in bed, Daisy rushes to find all of their loved ones so she can gather them up and give them the big news: "I'm already her favorite aunt! So suck it!" (That is, in fact, how everyone finds out it's a girl.)

✨ Peach and Mario are given some privacy to bond with their baby girl and decide whether they want any visitors or whether it would be best to let Peach rest; she holds her new daughter close, and he in turn holds her, full of reverence and praises. Peach has never been so sore and exhausted, yet she's never felt so peaceful. Everything is perfect in her world.

✨ Well, almost everything. "I want to see Toadsworth," she requests, her voice so hoarse from all the bawling and screaming that even those few words make her throat burn. But Mario kisses her gently, lingering for a moment before calling a nurse over to pass on her request, and she relaxes further into his hold with a dreamy sigh. Her husband is with her, their daughter is asleep in her arms, and her father will be here any moment to meet his granddaughter. Now everything is perfect.

[cistematicchaos]

Since it’s getting colder, this is a reminder for all the disabled people who need it: hot water bottles and heat pads CAN and WILL burn you if you use them too often for too long. Usually low level burns that don’t show until they get worse but slowly worsen over time, damaging your skin, sometimes permanently.

I know this from experience. I’m not saying don’t use hot water bottles or heat pads but be aware that they can cause damage, specifically if you’re using them in ways that aren’t advised. Do what you have to, I just wanted to point it out so that people can remember to be careful if they can. 

[nexility-sims]

shoutout to mariah carey for the outfit inspo (^:

[actual-corpse]

Imagine a famdom so toxic and backwards....

They REQUIRE you to tag shit as critical in order for YOU to avoid hurting their feelings.

Like.... If you make other people responsible for your feelings, you're gonna be miserable.

I saw someone compare the Pilot of Hazbin Hotel to being in a COD lobby where all the preteens let you know that they know the F-word, and you know what? They were right.

It's edgy jokes for the sake of edge, and y'all really need to get used to the idea that this is a public website for everyone to express their thoughts and opinions on things (mostly media) and if you don't like it?

Block me, wuss

[you-have-made-a-fatal-error]

once upon a time, in about 2016, someone wrote HeR to find out where they sourced the images used to decorate Abby's room in MHM and were told that the art came from the Corel library.

this... was not true. obvs I don't think the HeR employee who answered that email was intentionally misleading/lying to this person, but it's bad info nevertheless. basically all the in game art from MHM/the early games came from the Mary Evans/Pictures Now collection, which I know because I've spent a buttload of time trying to id all the irl art used in the games.

so why bring up the Corel thing? because as it turns out that there is an ND game that almost exclusively* used art from Corel, but it's not MHM, or any of the early games. that game is in fact Warnings at Waverly Academy. seriously. easiest time I've ever had tracking down in-game art. (the corel art collection is waaay smaller than the mary evans/pictures now collection. like two orders of magnitude smaller. like 500 images vs 60,000 images. you get the picture.)

*and by almost exclusively I mean there is seriously one painting in wac that isn't on any of the corel art disks. and that painting? pictures now collection. why? why not any of the 450+ corel paintings that didn't make it into wac? the mind boggles.

[nyxronomicon]

You've been posting a lot of Sukuna lately and I don't even know who he is, but at this point I'm too afraid (horny) to ask. How dare you make me look at him and feel things!

@pearlsxandxpeonies we got another lmao

Sukuna is one of the antagonists from jujutsu kaisen and these are the reasons I think he'd make a good boyfriend:

He can grow mouths anywhere on his body!

His true form has four arms

Sexy tattoos

He's the king of curses, which means he's probably loaded and he can get curses to do his bidding

He's got a sadistic/dom vibe that I am very much weak to...

Would murder your enemies without question (he'd enjoy it in fact)

Did I say he can grow mouths anywhere on his body? This is a huge plus for me

Maybe this is me projecting but I like to think he's huge (might just be the size kink) and has double dicks

Great enemies to lovers/hatefucking potential

Also I firmly believe you can be down bad for him and not experience jjk if it's not your thing (maybe I just want more people to enable me about him lmao)

[numbah34]

Happy (belated) Valentine's Day, @kseniyache! I hope your day was lovely!

Gift art (and bonus ficlet, linked below) made for the Plance Conservatory 2023 Valentine Exchange.

[thebirdandhersong]

.

[sighonaraa]

THE MOM CITY AU!!! I’m just…very VERY excited for this thing. Even more so since reading your fic summary because man, that sounds good. And poor jamie sounds like he’s really going to be going through the wringer, which as much as I feel bad for him DOES provide the opportunity for lots of amazing hurt/comfort so…but yes every time you post more info about that fic I get really excited, and I can’t wait to read this thing whenever you do post it :)

WAUUUUUGH thank you... thank you!!!! this fic has definitely been a labor of love (and tears! but mostly love), and it's quite different than anything i've ever written before so hearing that people are actually interested and willing to put up with my incessant blabbering about it is truly truly gratifying and lovely and just. WAUGH.

jamie is. he's certainly going through the wringer. i'm going to preemptively give a gentle warning that the fic does deal with depression, suicidal thoughts, child abuse, and death. there is nothing Explicit explicit, but these themes very much color the narrative and i want people to be aware! i will of course be tagging the fic appropriately once it's up, but i would like to start giving any interested parties a heads up just so that everyone is aware and can read or not read accordingly! <3

also, YES. although the hurt is there and it is A Lot, i am so so SO excited for the comfort. i just. AUGH. jamie and roy. jamie and keeley. jamie and sam. jamie and dani. the entire team. jamie and rebecca. etc. etc. SO EXCITED.

ANYWAYS. thank you so much for the kind words and support! i am truly very excited to get this fic out in the world and i am thinking...... perhaps sometime next week? 👀 👀

[cinna-bunnie]

i just finished iron blooded orphans and need to lay down for a bit

[hannibalismos-jaaneman]

i read a hannigram fic last night where op decided it was an okay thing to mention vatsyayana and my brain chemistry is fucked now.

[howldean]

something something taking the eucharist something something body of christ something about bodies... something about having holiness inside of you. you have 99 braincells to my one but you do have me thinking

4.20 the rapture // receiving the eucharist celebration of Mass, communion wikihow, positive words dictionary @jimmynovakweek

Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed

[spiderwarden]

Oh I should warn all of you. I DO love writing smut, and I do NOT use read mores, I feel like they don't look well aesthetically and sometimes mess with the thread.

so.. yah.

blacklisted lewd / if you don't want to see it.