#i spent an hour and half on this if it flops ill actually cry

[jerrydevine]

ok movie may rankingsssss its quite frankly soooo fucking long so i put it under a read more :) MWAH

31. moonage daydream 2022 um so when todd haynes basically said that reagan being in power was david bowies fault in velvet goldmine i get what he was saying when i watched the second half of this. it was so annoying listening to bowie talk about how he was like crazyyyy back then now hes normal (annoying and not in a fun way) boo

30. ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous stains 1982. ok this was actually a flop i wanted to like it so bad but i did not. boo

29. the daytrippers 1996. this was such a movie my indie snob cousin loves. it kind of felt like a long ass seinfeld episode. sorry women. the gay reveal was not. fun. it was 90s straight people trying to do a twist :/

28. muppet treasure island 1996 was ok. it was no the great muppet caper ..

27. spontaneous 2020 i did cry because of this movie i thought it was just gonna be a silly heheh good bad movie but i did cry. and they played forth of july sufjan stevens :(

all the movies after here i would rewatch and i liked :) i had a good movie may !!

26. descendants 2 2017 was not as good as descendants 1 or 3 to me now .. but thats ok they literally had chillin like a villain and the letterkenny guy

25. descendants 3 2019. hmmm i wanna keep her by descendants 2 just so theyre not lonely in this list. the plot was like ok mal having to do her morality thing again thats ok. evie was soooooo izzy lightwood and her loser ass march band boyfriend was sooo simon :)

24. murder on the orient express 1974 was better than death on the nile 1978 and there was a character with my name :) but i think i do not care as much about agatha christie mysteries as i thought i would. thats ok :)

23. arrival 2016 is prob one of the first times i knew about the specific field of the protag and it made me so mad because i spent the whole movie like. she would not fucking do that. she would not say that. come on. and of course the u.s. propaganda was like a frontal migraine but i guess it was good

22. the handmaiden 2016. why didnt anyone tell me about. you know. the plot of the movie. great lesbian sex but what the hell wasall that. 

21. donnie darko 2001 was like ok what . fine ok whatever

20. emma 1996 holy shit i watched a lot of 1996 movies this month. ummmmm ewan was there and it was literally emma. what more do you want me to say. it was good ish :P

19. dungeons & dragons: honor among thieves 2023 was so long no movie should be longer than 2 hours but it did feel like playing d&d with my buddies and sophia lillis was there :')

18. i know what you did last summer 1997. its like none of you even care that kevin williamson who wrote this AND scream 1996 is literally a gay ass homosexual man. and my friend.

17. red army 2014. i feel like this should be its own other thing because it was just a movie i would watch at 15 to learn as much about hockey as humanly possible. and not for fun for like mental illness reasons. anyway hockey :)

16. crip camp: a disability revolution 2020 is like red army 2014 like. informative and interesting documentary ! not able to rank it with fiction films i dont think so dont take its spot too seriously.

15. poison 1991. dont worry about it im just studying todd haynes and this movie was not as good as other movies i watched this month but actually its the best movie ever after velvet goldmine. or not its not in my top 3 todd movies of all time but thats ok it still set up many of the things he talks about in his later films esp the connection between the horror section and safe 1995 :)

14. the secret world of arrietty 2010. i didnt watch this until this year bc it was released just after when i would sit down and watch a new little ghibli movie. i wanted to rewatch totoro more than watch new ones.but it WAS the borrowers sooo fun :)

13. monty python and the holy grail 1975. they made lancelot soooooooo ugly which was like a joke in itself to me because lancelot would never look like that. but umm yeah my dad loves this movie and so many little jokes i thought were just family jokes were actually from this movie hehehe

12. the great muppet caper 1981 literally had peter falk in it and they knew they were in a silly movie and they kept saying kermit and fozzie were twins it was so silly and fun :)

11. seven up! 1964. british people getting studied is literally so real and true. i cant wait to continue in the series and see how these kids change.. 

10. some like it hot 1959. I NEED TO WATCH MORE MARILYN MONROE MOVIES ASAP BTW THIS MOVIE ROCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. this is spinal tap 1984. ummm yeah this was good. very good even. and christopher guest from my movies was there doing a horrible accent it was awesome :)

8. dottie gets spanked 1993. okok this is my todd haynes auteur studies and it is such a short film that foreshadows his future work i love you forever and ever my best friend todd haynes :D!!!!!!!!!!

7. videodrome 1983 had crazyyyyyyyyyyyy special effects i enjoyed the blowing up bodies and the tvs trying to kill you and the toronto..

6. big eden 2000 i wish they didnt have that whole plot with his high school bestie that was annoying and not whimsy but everything else and i mean EVERYTHING else was sooooo good and beautiful and i love you movie

5. elvira's haunted hills 2001 YIPPEE ELVIRA!!!!!!! RIFF RAFF WAS THERE!!! she talked like she was still a 2000s california girl but in 1850s europe it was awesome

4. rye lane 2023 was sooooo good and love is real and i need to go to england or i will die . woah that was an anglophile ass sentence but its true.

3. stardust 2007 YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO basically thats it. it was a movie that loves whimsy and the power of love. beth please watch it i mean it you would love it soooooo much 

2. the watermelon woman 1996 i love you lesbians i love you movies i love you movie lesbians. everyone should watch it its soooo good

1. velvet goldmine 1998 my best friend forever of course no one could be better <33

[creativeflowers87]

FEBUWHUMP 12

CW: Illness

AN: how is this my first actual sickfic

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

If Calixto is pretending not to be sick, it is doing a godawful job at it.

Even from across the room, with her terrible eyesight, Emery can see that her crush— no, friend is definitely struggling. It is a few tones more flushed than usual, and every time it thinks no one is looking, it presses its forehead up against the window, or on the kitchen countertop, or on their glass of water.

Still, it is Calixto, and Calixto knows how to take care of itself.

Reassured, Emery strolls over to where Calixto is sitting on their couch. Well, sitting is a loose term to describe the way that Calixto is flopped across the arm of the couch and leaning on the wall, somehow.

Emery gets the feeling that Calixto has no idea what it's doing either.

"Hey, Calio!" Emery says, using Calixto's head as an armrest.

It takes a second more than usual to respond. "Oh, hiya Em," it says.

Emery grins. "Nyxie's out doing her own thing," she says, "and that means we can cook whatever."

Calixto turns to her, a tired smile on its face. "Yeah?"

"Consider: Ice-cream for dinner."

Calixto huffs, turning away a bit. "We know how you get when you have sugar," it says, "Terrible idea. Also, I'm not even hungry for anything."

Emery has already started to walk off, about to get the ice-cream anyways, when she spins back around, confused. "You're not hungry?" she asks.

Calixto shrugs. "I dunno, just not feelin' like anythin' today."

Emery stares for a moment, then shrugs. If Calixto thinks it's fine, it's probably fine.

Right?

---

Calixto is definitely not fine.

It coughs again, its throat feeling like it's half-closed up from whatever's stuck in it. It shivers again, pulling the thin blanket covering most of its body up to its chin, before kicking the sheets off its legs. It's cold, then hot, then cold again...

Calixto closes its eyes for a moment, before blinking them open. Really, it's spent way too long in bed, it should probably get food, something like that.

It tries to sit up, but the world spins and it feels so heavy that it has to slump back down with a whine, tears forming in its eyes. Why is it crying?

Calixto rolls over onto its side, trying its best to get rid of whatever icky feeling got in it. It sniffles. If it was feeling just a tiny bit better, it would be up and ready to actually get things done, or something. Possibly. Okay, definitely not. Still, it's the thought that counts.

It twists again under the blankets, the sheets seeming almost to scratch under its skin. It blinks its eyes open for a moment, but the light of what Calixto thinks is the lantern on their desk burns the back of its eyes.

It curls up as far under the blanket as it can in a feeble attempt to conserve body heat. As its senses start to fade, it can vaguely hear the screech of the front door, then, silence.

---

When Emery peeks inside Calixto's room, she doesn't fully expect to see it curled up under a blanket, shivering like it's been stuck outside for hours. For all she knows, that could've happened. It's been a while since she'd been home, after all.

Emery enters the room and sets herself on the edge of the bed, taking in Calixto's overly flushed face and its slightly pained expression. She sets a hand on its forehead, pulling away when she feels how warm she is. Her face creases in concern. "Hey, Calio?" she whispers, even though she already vaguely knows that it won't answer.

To her surprise, Calixto lets out a scratchy hum and shifts slightly closer to Emery, head pressing up against her hand. Like a cat, Emery muses.

Emery shakes her head, forcefully removing herself from that train of thought. She has someone actually under her care now. Somehow.

She heads over to the bathroom, grabbing what she's pretty sure is fever medicine and returning to Calixto's room. She places the bottle on Calixto's bedside table and stares a bit at Calixto. Surely it wouldn't be able to sit up to take the meds properly. Emery would have to sit it up herself. It does seem to be sleeping mostly peacefully, though, and she would hate to stop it from having a good rest that might be the first it'd had in a while.

Emery thinks for a bit, before coming to the conclusion that it can probably go back to sleep okay if it takes a sleep potion first, and grabs that first before starting to try to wake Calixto up.

It takes a couple good shakes, but after a second, bleary eyes stare back up at her. Emery gives it a smile. "Hey, Calio," she says.

Calixto stares almost through Emery, as if it either can't see her or doesn't believe she's there.

Emery doesn't know which option is more concerning.

Emery shakes off these thoughts. " 'Kay, Calio," she says, "Uhm, so, just... drink this, please?" She holds out a small, carefully measured dose of liquid fever medicine to Calixto's lips. It makes no sign of comprehension, but starts to sip it anyways.

Calixto, to its credit, drinks most of the medicine, but at some point, makes a strange face and seems to be trying to spit it back out.

Emery frowns. "No, uhm, please don't do that?" she says, picking up her sleep potion-spiked water and holding it to Calixto's mouth again.

This time, Calixto downs the water concerningly quickly. Emery does not want to know how long it's gone without water for it to down the glass this fast. Still, there is water in its system now, so it should be at least mostly okay.

Sure enough, as she looks over Calixto, it seems to already be falling asleep again. Emery breathes a sigh of relief and starts to leave, not wanting to relive that experience ever again. However, as she stands, Calixto seems to try to pull Emery back to the bed. With a huff, Emery kneels down next to it. "What's it?" she says.

Calixto starts to move its mouth, no sound coming out, and tears are forming in its eyes.

Emery furrows her eyebrows, concerned. "Hey, hey," she says, "what's wrong?"

Calixto's silent for another second, before whispering, in a tiny, broken, voice, "...fuckin' ostriches..."

Emery is so taken aback by this statement that she starts to laugh, but stops herself. "Uhm, what do you mean?" she says.

Calixto just shrugs.

Emery shakes her head and pulls back, but instead of leaving the room, pulls a chair over to the bedside, and tries to get comfortable.

This is going to be a long night.

[loud-whistling-yes]

Hi this is my poor little meow meow she has every disease and a ghost dog soulmate

[sunshineandaisies]

Coffee Connection

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: sexual suggestions, i think a few language words maybe?

You were a creature of habit, there was no denying that, and you had no shortage of habits that made you such.

Example A; every Thursday afternoon, after you’d rushed from the lecture hall at the end of your final class of the day, you’d spend two hours sitting on the plush couch in the coffee shop just down the street from your apartment, sipping coffee after coffee as you fingers clacked across the keyboard of your laptop and you made the latest edits to your graduate thesis.

Usually, there would always be a random stranger sitting at the opposite end of the couch, and it was never the same person two weeks in a row. Sometimes it was a sharply dressed business type that sipped their coffee while scrolling through emails on their phone, and other times it was sleep-deprived student, sipping on what you assumed was likely their sixth cup of coffee that day and trying their best to not pull their hair out as they worked on whatever assignment had them so obviously stressed. Occasionally, you even recognized a professor that you had taken classes with during your undergrad, laughing as they graded poorly written and ill-conceived papers.

But six weeks ago, you recognized the man that sat in the seat at the other end of the couch as the same man that had sat beside you the week before.

When you first realized that he was the same man from the week before, you did your best to look him over from the corner of your eye. He was certainly the tall, handsome brooding type - that much was clear with just a single glance - but you had to do a bit of a double take when you saw the book that he was so intently focused on.

Twilight? Really?

You had been so shocked by his book choice that you didn’t see him look up at you with an annoyed expression etched across his features, but as soon as you felt his intense gaze on you your cheeks flooded with warmth and you quickly averted your gaze.

You didn’t dare look at him again that day.

The following week, however, you put your surreptitious observation skills to the test as soon as you took your usual seat on the plush couch, and you were pleasantly impressed with what you saw. Mesmerizing blue eyes, deliciously muscled thighs, fingers that made your mind wander to less than appropriate places, and...and a metal arm?

You put an end to your staring sooner than you really wanted to, but you’d rather not have your silent coffee shop companion see you salivating over him. Instead, you focused on your thesis and cast the tiniest of glances at the man when you found your mind conjuring up images of what his fingers could do and what it would feel like to have his metal hand wrapped around your-

What the hell? First he was reading Twilight, and now he’s reading The Hunger Games? Who the hell was this guy?

As the weeks went on, the two of you sat alone together and your confusion over his reading interests only grew. So far, you’d seen him read not only Twilight and The Hunger Games, but also various books from the Game of Thrones series and The Fault in Our Stars.

Additionally, as the weeks went on, your impending thesis deadline was swiftly approaching, and your Thursday routine was rudely interrupted by an impromptu meeting with your graduate advisor after your final class of the day. It was a quick meeting, no more than twenty minutes long, but that small interruption of your usual schedule had you sprinting across campus, frazzled and frantic and worried that your seat on the plush couch of the coffee shop would be taken by the time you finally arrived.

You hurried away from the counter as soon as your usual cup of coffee had been pushed into your hand by the exhausted barista, hoping that your seat hadn’t been taken when you failed to show up ten minutes ago. A sigh escaped from between your lips when you saw that it remained vacant. Depositing your bag on the ground in front of the couch, you quickly pulled your laptop out and tried to calm your frazzled nerves enough to focus on your thesis.

“You’re late.”

You were so surprised that he had actually spoken to you that you froze, wondering if you’d simply imagined it. A quick glance to your side told you that you absolutely had not imagined it. He stared at you with a frown on his face and his brows pinched together in irritation, his book all but abandoned in his lap.

You raised a brow at him. “What?”

His eyes widened and a barely noticeable dusting of pink coated his cheeks. Cute. “I, uh-” Watching him stumble over his words as he tried to come up with a believable explanation for his surprising concern had you biting your lip to suppress an amused smile. “Nevermind,” he grumbled, turning his attention back to his book - this time the Maze Runner - as his lips tightened into an unimpressed line.

“No, you’re right.” He cautiously dragged his gaze back to you, curiosity sparkling in his blue eyes. “I was late. I’m never late.” After a moment of observing you, he nodded. Before he could go back to reading his book and ignoring you again, you commented, “Your taste in books has improved since the first week you sat with me.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upward slightly before he was expressionless once again. “Yeah, I really wish I could get those hours of my life back.” You giggled, and he wasn’t able to fight back the smile that spread across his face.

“The Maze Runner’s pretty good,” you assured him. “Movies are good, too.”

And somehow, you ended up spending the next hour talking with your once silent coffee shop companion - “Bucky,” he had introduced himself with a smile - and completely ignoring your thesis in favor of talking about his recent book choices and opinions on their respective movie or television adaptations. Did he think Twilight was terrible? Absolutely. Did he think that the Hunger Games was an interesting commentary on social class differences? Definitely. Did he think the last season of Game of Thrones was awful? Don’t get him started. Did he cry while watching The Fault in Our Stars? No comment.

When you finally asked why he was reading so much - especially some of his questioning book choices - he sighed, answering, “My therapist thinks it’ll help me get acclimated to the twenty-first century better if I work on understanding pop culture better. These books were all on her list of recommendations.”

Suddenly, it clicked. Bucky, metal arm, getting acclimated to the twenty-first century. “You’re Bucky Barnes.” It wasn’t a question. It was more of a statement, an undeniable fact, and it clearly caught him off guard that you came to that conclusion so easily.

“Uh, yeah.” He nervously scratched the back of his neck, his lips turning down into a frown. “That’s me.”

Despite his reaction, you chuckled. “Well this is awkward.” He quirked a brow at you, his frown deepening. Before he could misunderstand, you continued, “I’m writing my thesis on societal perceptions of superheroes. I’ve literally spent hours researching you and Captain America and Iron Man and Thor and-”

He interrupted you, his brows pinched so tightly together you worried they’d end up stuck like that. “You think I’m a superhero?”

You shrugged and took a quick sip of your now cold coffee. “I mean, yeah. You helped Captain America fight Hydra back in the forties, and you helped beat Thanos last year, didn’t you?”

“There’s a lot of things I’ve done in the time between then that would firmly put me in the other category.”

You let out a breath, nodding solemnly. “I read about that, too,” you admitted. “But I also know that it wasn’t really something that you did of your own free-will. That makes you a victim, not a villain. When you actually had a choice, it seems like you always chose to do the right thing.”

He remained silent for an extended moment, and you worried that you ruined the easy companionship that had developed between you and the supersoldier. You tried to force down the rising sense of disappointment as you pursed your lips and turned away from him, slowly packing up your belongings to leave.

“Wait, Y/N.” You paused in the middle of shoving your laptop into your bag and glanced up at him curiously. “Can I-” He cleared his throat. “Can I buy you a coffee?”

You raised a brow, gaze flickering to your half-full cup of coffee on the table.

He chuckled, and dear god a sound has never made your stomach flip and flop as much as the sound of his deep chuckles spilling from his parted lips. “I mean a fresh, hot coffee. If, uh, you’re open to it, I’d like to hear more about your thesis.”

You nodded eagerly and pulled your laptop from your bag as a wide smile curled your lips. “I’d like that.”

[captaincravatthecapricious]

Feverish and Teary & How Long Has it Been Since You’ve Eaten- Prompt Fill

@thatonekidellis​ Jon, Tim, and Martin have a rough time after the Unknowing. Especially Jon.  I hope this is kind of what you were asking for?  

@janekfan​ you get a ping because this is your au!

CWs: nausea, vomiting, fainting, fever, food mention, alcohol mention, canon typical mentions of Tim's pre-unknowing mindset, canon typical Jon not taking care of himself.

I am still accepting bingo prompts, so let me know which character, which prompt, and if you want a drawing of a fic!  Bingo card by the wonderful @celosiaa​!  This one is twice my usual length because it is two prompts and I did not want to cheat!

The Unknowing blows up.  

As simple as that.  

All according to plan.  

It really is as simple as that.  

Jon, Tim, Daisy, Basira.  Piled back in Daisy's car.  Ears ringing.  Soot slowly settling.  Trying to drive away before the actually police get there.  

It hasn't been Jon's problem how to avoid arrest.  

He is even more glad it isn't his problem now, as he slides down the beat up seat in the back of Daisy's car.  Ash streaks the window, mixing with the light rains that is starting to fall.  

Jon tries not to vomit the nothing he's eaten in the last couple days.  Nothing in him but frayed nerves and statements.  Hadn't even managed to stomach dramamine before their trip.  

Jon just wants to sleep.  

They still have their hotel reservation for another couple hours, so Daisy drives them back there to clean up before heading back to London.  Yes they have to go back today, it's less suspicious.  Jon isn't sure if that is actually true, but he doesn't have the energy to argue.  

Tim showers.  Jon sends a text to Martin.  'Alive.'  

He doesn't answer Martin's near-immediate call because just then he's dry-heaving into the small bin in the corner.  Stiff and shaking and sweaty and miserable.    

Jon showers.  Too dizzy to stand, he sits on the shower floor.  He hates that.  The tub feels filthy.  He feels filthy.  He scrubs his skin raw.  He stands.  He throws up more nothing.  He scrubs himself again, leaning heavily on the wall.  

He wants to talk to Tim.  He wants to tuck himself into Tim's arms and never move again.  Christ, he's running an impressive fever.  Probably.  It's hard to tell.  And his brain is swimming too much to even think about asking the Eye.  

He's cold.  He shivers in his threadbare joggers and stolen jumper (Martin's).  

He wants to join Tim on the bed by the window, but Tim ...looks too deep in a melancholy thought to even notice.  Somewhere between losing his drive for anything, adrenaline crash, and losing the last hope of a last glimpse of Danny, if Jon were to guess.  

Jon could say something.  He knows he could.  But, hasn't he caused enough of a fuss?  Made Tim and Martin trail after him after the ...the.... with Daisy and... that.  If he'd have just stayed quiet and stayed still... well Tim would still hate him... and might not be alive... but ....but he's caused so much worry with that.  And then with... his other kidnapping No.  He can't think about what that... what... not without puking again which... the point is not to worry Tim.  Which means he should try some medicine again.... if he can keep it in him half an hour he'll survive the drive back.  Probably.  

Christ, when is the last time he bothered to drink anything?  

He lays there in a daze until Daisy bangs on the door telling them it's time to leave.  

Tim sleeps on the drive back.  Finally giving into the last few sleepless nights.  Jon is jealous.  

Last night had been spent tangled together, shaking, awake, and silent.  Anxiety too thick to slice with words.  Not even nothing to turn off the lights, because the fear is a little easier to manage in the light.  Jon couldn't stop thinking about Nikola.  He couldn't stop thinking about plastic hands on him.  Couldn't stop thinking about how many things could go wrong and how he could lose Tim and Martin when he only just got Tim back.  

Jon was pretty sure Tim hadn't been sleeping the last few nights.  Jon knows he hasn't.  Not that he has slept well in a long time.    

In any case, Tim sleeps.  Jon doesn't.  

Daisy glares at him through the review mirror.  Jon isn't sure if she is still waiting for him to prove himself monstrous so she can attack, or if she is making sure he isn't ill in her car... again.  (He really wishes he could forget his first ride in her car.  Really really really wishes.  It was not a pleasant experience for anyone, and Daisy had made him pay the cleaning bill.)  

It doesn't matter, he slides down further in his seat and closes his eyes tightly.  

His head hurts.  

Thankfully the medicine knocks him out soon enough.  

Martin greets them at the institute door.  Melanie by his side.  

Jon hazily wakes up to Martin gently touching his shoulder.  

"You actually made it!  I'm so glad you're safe... I was so worried, Jon why didn't you answer your phone, I've been so worried, I mean I know you would have said something if something had happened, but Christ I've been so worried about you, come here."  

Jon starts mumbling some apologies, but is interrupted by Martin gently gathering him in a hug.  Jon sinks into it, fervently hoping Martin doesn't notice the heat rolling off of him.  

Thankfully Martin is too distracted, gathering Tim in a crushing embrace.  Likely very relieved that Tim didn't die, and knowing Tim is harder to break than Jon with his delicate bones and fragility following many incidents.  

Jon... doesn't really know what he's trying to accomplish.  Just... get out?  Or go in?  Or get to the cot?  Or just curl up on the cold tile of the basement toilets?  Get away from people he will inevitably worry?  

Just go somewhere where he can fall apart without taking anyone else down with him.  

It looks like Martin has been crying.  Jon hopes it isn't over him.  

Tim needs to recover from the emotional toll of the last few days without having to pick up the pieces after Jon Again.  

Jon slowly backs away.  

His head is swimming, but that's okay.  If he can just reach the Archives.  The cot.  Anywhere.  Anywhere away from this moment.  This breath.  

His vision swims violently, and there is no doubt in his mind that he is going to be very well acquainted with the pavement in a matter of seconds.  Either that or he's going to be ill?  No.  Sidewalk.  He's going to eat the sidewalk.  Heh... first thing he'll have eaten in days.  

He isn't sure if he loses consciousness or not.  It's hard to tell in the blur of motion and sounds and his spinning head.  Sound is almost gooey in this state of almost unconsciousness, but he thinks someone might be shouting.  Or several someones.  He should maybe worry about this?  But in actuality, he is praying he properly passes out to save himself any more embarrassment and save himself from his unsteady insides.  

His face hurts.  

Someone is holding him.  

Jon fights to open his eyes.  They don't seem to want to look in the same direction, rolling in their sockets instead of doing what he wants them to.  He blinks hard a few times, failing to bring things into focus.  Glasses?  Does he still have those?  Did they break?  No... still there.  Skewed on his face.  Just... too dizzy to see, then.  

Daisy and Basira are glaring at him.  Melanie is walking away.  Possibly.  Hard to tell when the world is tilting with unsteady regularity.  

Jon closes his eyes again, pressing a groan against the nausea that threatens to overcome him, despite the medicine.  

"Jon?"  

"Burning up."

He's too hazy to put a name to a voice.  The words dripping in the air around him, tightening around his chest, silly string sitting on his skin in fibrous heaps that jiggle uncomfortably, cold and clammy.  

Shit, thinking in gibberish.  That can't be good.  

“Does anyone know how long he’s been ill?”  

Someone grunts.  

Footsteps.  Two sets?  I’m asking away.  Leaving him.   

“I.... I don’t know.  I don’t think he was feverish last night?  But... I haven’t exactly been... It’s.  It’s been hard.”

“Jon?”

He’s being jostled.   He whines.  Stomach flopping dangerously.   

"Jon?  Are you awake?  Can you open your eyes for me?"  

"Oh shit, he's gonna puke."  

He's being lifted, shifted on his side, bin shoved in his hands.  Where he throws up more nothing.  

He's crying now, feeling like utter shit, and unfortunately more awake.  

He isn't sure if eyes swimming with tears is better or worse than the unsteady world tipping around him and making him feel worse.  

"Christ, Jon!"  

He finally pries his eyes open.  Martin and Tim solidify above him.  More or less.  Still fuzzing in and out of focus.  

Now that he's crying, he just... can't stop.  Fistfuls of Martin's sweater.  

"Oh Jon..."  Martin's arms circle him, carefully.  Gentle not to jostle him more.  

"Buddy.  Think we can get you off the sidewalk?"  Tim.  Cupping his face.  Smoothing back sweat and tear soaked hair, long since escaped his bun, still not dried from his earlier shower.  "My flat isn't far, you know?  Didn't bring my car here, though.  Still... wasn't..."

Tim cuts himself off, but even addled as he is, Jon can fill in the rest of the sentence.  

So can Martin apparently, because Martin frowns.  It's never been more apparent that he's been crying quite recently.  "Still weren't sure you were coming home...  Tim..."  And his eyes start looking damp.  

Tim is tearing up now.  "Martin... let's not in the street...  I can carry Jon back to mine, it isn't far.  You can come too.  We'll get some take out.  Drink some whiskey.  Get Mr. Smoking hot cooled off.  We can talk then.  It's.... it's been a rough week."  

"Jon?  Can I carry you?  I think that might be less rough than a cab ride?  Do you need a few minutes?"  

Martin's voice is soft, and Jon thinks he could sleep right there.  In fact, he might.  So he nods.  

Martin lifts him carefully.  His head swims again.  This all is feeling rather familiar.  Jon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.  He tries to relax despite the lingering anxieties about heights.  Martin feels safe.  Tim is also safe now.  He lets himself drift.  

He wakes briefly on the trip.

"Hey bud, how are you feeling?"  Tim.  Tim seems off.  Too many things crossing his face to parse out, probably even for someone with a better sense than Jon of what those subtle face changes mean.  But Jon is too hazy to think.    

Jon's mouth feels gummed up.  His eyes feel gummed up.  

He's thankful his mouth doesn't taste like something died in it, though.  Although he is very aware how unhealthy it was that he's spent a good portion of the day with his body trying to turn itself inside out, and he couldn't so much as produce bile.  

Jon feels sick thinking about it, so stops.  He drifts again.  

He wakes to a damp rag on his forehead, no memory of anything past the explosion. 

How did he get here? 

"Sorry, that looked like a nice sleep, but you'll feel better with some medicine in you, and some water.  We can try some tea later, once the meds work.  And some food hopefully."  

Martin helping him sit up.  Just enough to get a few sips and some pills into Jon.  Which, Jon thought was probably optimistic, but he'd try it for Martin.  

"When was the last time you ate?" Martin again.  

Jon blinks at him in confusion.  "Is it over?"  

"Is what over?"  Still Martin.  

Where's Tim?  Where's Daisy?  Where's Basira?  Where's Melanie?

His breathing picks up, and that makes his head spin again, and makes him wonder just how long he can keep the medicine down.  

"Is it over, what happened?"  He's panting now, halfway to a panic attack.  

"Jon?  Jon!  Calm down.  Can you take a breath for me?"  

How did he get here?  Where is he?  This looks like Tim's flat, but there is Tim?  Did he survive.  

Jon reaches for anything.  But comes up blank.  

"Where's Tim?  What happened?"  He gasps out.  It feels like his ribcage is shrinking, being laced up the front. fighter than the corset he had worn in acting class in uni.  

"Tim's... taking a moment.  As soon as we got you here... he.... it's been rough on him, you know?  He did all this for... and I know he said he wanted to live.  He wants to live... but he's... not been in a good place and it's helped that you two are talking again... and that he's had company more... but he saw an old picture with.... with his brother.... and that polaroid with ... with Sasha.  Well, he keeps going between you know tearful and sorry and cackling about how everything blew up.  It's... probably a lot to have three revenge schemes going at once for the same.... not a person really... but ... Her.  And then... having it sorted.  But...  Listen Jon I don't know.  What don't you remember... or what's the last thing you remember?"  Martin edges on histerical near the middle, but takes a turn for the sad near the end.  

"I remember the... the world was all wrong.  Then... then it blew up.  Is it over?  Martin are you real.  Is everyone alive?  What happened to you?"  He's desperate.  Desperate breaths too shallow.  Words interrupted by jagged pulling of too thin oxygen.  He's going to pass out.  

He does.  

He wakes feeling... clearer.  The last period of wakefulness a distant and flighty thing, dancing just out of his reach.  The rest of the embarrassing day back in vivid detail.  Tim's sitting over him.  Or rather, curled around him.  Jon's hair is being played with.  A stray curl looped around Tim's finger as he laughs softly to himself.  Muttering that he's alive.  That Jon's alive.  That Martin is alive.  he didn't lose anyone else.  That that clown is finally dead.  Finally.  

Gentle and warm hand on his face, refreshing the cloth.  Checking his temperature.  

"I..."  Tim chokes on a sob.  And Jon tries to remember how his arms work so he can let Tim know he's there.  

"Tim?"  

"Hey bud... sorry."  Tim wipes his eyes on his sleeve.  "It's been a hell of a week.  I... don't know how to feel about it.  Fuck I need a drink....  And to check in with Martin.  I... he hasn't told me what happened, but he's upset.  And.  Fuck I should have noticed you were ill, why didn't you say anything?"  Tim's voice starts to rise, and Jon tenses.  All the times Tim yelled at him still too fresh in his mind.  He trusts Tim.  he does... but Christ he is still afraid.  Afraid that it can't last, that it isn't real.  Where it be a trick of his mind, or some manipulation tactic to an end Jon can't see, he doesn't know.  

"Hey.  Hey.  Buddy... Jon.  I'm sorry.  didn't mean to yell.  It's just... been a day.  I'm not mad at you.  I just... I'm worried about you and Martin and I...I don't know how to feel about everything that happened.  I'm sorry you feel like shit."

Jon feels... like shit.  Marginally less nauseous, however.  A little less like he's going to pass out again.  Probably been given plenty of pills by Martin.  

"Sorry."  He croaks.  Voice probably shredded with smoke.  And fever.  

"He, bud, don't apologize.  I'm sorry I didn't notice you weren't well.  I... I thought I knew better than to be that preoccupied.  I mean... I guess I didn't make it worse this time, but..."  Tim sighs.  "I'm disappointed in myself because I don't want to fuck this up again.  And no don't apologize again part of that was on me and yes part of that was on you and we've done apologies to death.  All we can do now is keep going.  I just wanted to protect you and I couldn't see you were fading in front of my eyes.  Again.  I know you haven't been eating or sleeping, but I haven't been either so I didn't want to call you on it, and I didn't want you to call me on it, but I should have noticed.  I know I couldn't have done much, but I didn't do anything but shut you out again.  I could have told someone to stop to get you medicine, or food or even a bit more rest.  I know that would have done fuck-all, but I still could have offered you a little comfort and warmth and had us brought straight back here."  

Tim's crying properly now.  Jon is too.  Not sure if it is the fever, or just... everything.  There is so much to feel and think and worry about and yes they saved the world but that the fuck comes next.  

What comes next is that Martin enters with tea for Jon and a bottle of whiskey.  

Jon scrubs at his eyes.  "Martin what happened?"  Jon can see he's been crying again.  That is starting to scare him.  It's a goddamn miracle he hasn't pulled an answer out of anyone yet today.  

"It's... well it isn't fine.  I... well our plan worked here too.  Just... you know... Elias.  He can.... He can do things.  It's fine.  It's worth it."  Martin swipes at his eyes furiously.  

Jon pushes himself up, ignoring the room tilting around him, and hugs Martin.  Jon's still crying.  Martin sniffling.  Tim also crying.  It's... a very damp hug.  And Jon knows he's too warm to be comfortable to hold, and he's shivering hard enough to rattle Tim and Martin.  

"I'm... I'm so sorry Martin."  Jon chokes out.  

"It's alright.  It was worth it.  And you both.  Christ I am so glad to see you again... I thought... I thought.... I didn't..."  Martin is fully sobbing now.  Tea set down on Tim's bedside table, the whiskey being pried from his hands by TIm.  

Late that night the bottle is empty (and so are a couple more), Tim and Martin have killer headaches, and Jon is still feverish, but less so.  A lot of tears have been shed.  And Jon has been plied with enough liquids that he feels a little less like a crumbling husk.  

By the time that Tim and Martin are ready to think about food, Jon is finally feeling like he can maybe stomach something.  They order takeout.  Jon... has some broth. 

By morning Jon manages a few bites of leftovers.  

By afternoon, Elias Bushard is arrested.  

[draken-rotzi]

Bug Man x Reader Part One*

Read on AO3

SO, wanted to write something of this topic bc we all need some more Musical!BJ in our lives, it’s a nice comfort ngl, I enjoyed writing it and hope you do too c:

(Got carried away so here's the first half while I edit the second one in the meantime, it takes a bit to get to the main part we all want to read forgive mE it's better in th next one believeme)

I'd love some feedback since I haven't written anything since 2019 ;v; some wordings might seem odd since my brain speaks spanish first english second

Summary; Old boring university life and a broken but hopeful heart meet the supernatural and whacky demon/ghost with the most, reader-chan needs to get out from a toxic relationship and what's a better help than a magic dead man? Cutting ties might seem easier when someone else arrives and flips your world upside down with no warning.

Mostly fluff, bits of angst l8r

Female reader, but tried to not give any other specifics to the character themselves, OCs appear

It was a fresh autumn afternoon, birds still chirped before migrating to warmer areas for the winter, the wind was cold but nice, not yet freezing but enough for people to wear light coats. You sit on a school desk, a class about taxes and fees, you drift off a bit looking at the window while half-listening.

You lived in a medium but popular city, it was a great place, with nice, kind people for the most part, huge malls, restaurants and lots of places to go out with friends or alone.

...

"Miss ___? Care to answer this equation here for the class?" The teacher asks, a tall, slender woman that radiated authority, it made some students shiver in times like this with a direct question.

"Oh? Yeah- sure miss Adams" You replied, while trying not to look confused since you just missed the topic, hopefully you remembered from the last lesson by the time you walked up to the blackboard and took the marker to write.

...

After class, you were walking with your friends to the cafeteria next to the main exit to wait for an uber to arrive; your side job as a freelance wasn't good enough yet to afford a car, but it helped pay the bills and to have enough for a bit more more than the basic needs.

Your two best friends at college were Itai and Rob. Itai was a funny dude, with a darker tone on his skin, not so tall and full of charisma. Rob was a bit more collected, but still a lot of fun to be around, being the voice of reason for you three most of the time, emphasis in most, because sometimes he got carried away too.

"Man I hate that class, I don't understand a thing! Why do we even need math?" Itai tells the group, sounding annoyed as usual, he was a simple guy, but simple guys need a degree too, to secure a better job.

"Well if you paid attention instead of eating that cold baguette in class you won't be that confused my man" Rob replies, laughing a bit at the end

"At least you weren't asked to do math in front of the class" You sigh, putting down your backpack and sitting on a table next to the building's exit, looking at your phone to know how much time was left for the driver to arrive, around 10 minutes.

"Yeah everyone felt so bad for you, but hey, if you’ll be daydreaming at least look at the front instead of the window next time, it might help you" Rob said while opening a bottle of apple juice, his favorite, he wouldn't drink any other thing, he was probably 60% apple juice after years of drinking it that often.

A few minutes passed by, the three friends chatting about the day's events, their plans for the weekend, and how to get the next assignment done. A figure appeared behind you putting a hand on your shoulders.

"Well hello ladies!" A man chirped, you turned around laughing softly

"Hey yourself!" you replied "Already off?"

"Yeah I've got the last hour free so I'm gonna head out to Kris' place, we'll play some games and work on that big project I told you the other day"

"Great, have fun! You say hi to Kris from me yeah?"

"Sure thing, see you later!" He says with a squeeze of his hand on your shoulder, then a quick pat on the head, turning around to leave.

"Bye, take care Nick!" you say as the man walks out of the cafeteria's door waving a hand.

Silence lingers for a bit until Itai breaks it

"Hey so, you're still going out with him?" He says with a crooked smile and a nervous look, Rob has a similar expression

"Yeeeah... it's been okay for some time now, you know? Hah" You look down for a second, pondering "Maybe this time is the good run?" Uncertainty fills the question, but you still smile to your friends.

Nikolas wasn't the model boyfriend, at least not for your friends; he was full of sweet words, hugs and kisses, only in private places though. When it came to the campus he treated you just like any other friend.

There was a small reason, according to him, he wanted to wait a bit more to make it public, get to know each other better, just to be certain from both sides.

That was the excuse a year ago.

It wasn't like he was out and flirting with other people, not at all, but one could expect to be treated like a love partner after so much time and moments together, you’ve gone to the movies, to dinner, to each other's houses, hell your families knew you two were dating, it just wasn't more than the bare minimum from him, seemed more like a thing someone does if they have free time, not make time for that thing, the thing being the relationship.

It seemed to be only a problem of neglect and apathy, probably, though you were so dumbly in love with him at first, you have been hoping and asking for a change since the relationship escalated to more than just holding hands and light kisses.

"I don't think anything's gonna change, he's been stalling for a whole year now" Itai mumbled, looking at Rob, he nodded in agreement

"Yeah, just dump him already, you deserve way better, you give him everything you got and he just throws the leftovers at you."

"I guess, but we're going out this weekend! You know he doesn't like going out often"

"With you" Rob adds

You hesitate a reply, it was true, most of the times you asked him to go out for a change, he was either too busy or decided to change the event the same day, turning it into a make out session in his house every time. Even though you saw each other 2 days every week, you have seen him go out with his friends more often, on actual enrichment outside activities.

"I know..." you sigh " I'll think about it, I'll try to talk with him about it next time”

Both of your friends let out a small groan of annoyance, they knew you weren't gonna do it, or that he'll just brush it off as always, between the lines of 'oh you're overreacting'

"Ah my ride's here!" You got up from the table and grabbed your backpack, tossing it over one shoulder.

"See he can't even give you a lift to your place!" Itai teased, they knew how you felt about the whole situation, but joking around sometimes made it a bit less bitter.

"Ha-ha, you know we live in opposite ends of the city! Besides none of you give me a ride either" you said while sticking a tongue out on your way outside the cafeteria

"Yeah because you live at the ends of the earth for some weird reason!" Rob joked back

Everyone said their quick goodbyes, and after a calm ride back home you remembered something just as you were locking the door, tossing your backpack into the living room’s couch you walked over to your room.

You flopped onto the bed, looking at your phone you opened some pending messages on the family group chat, apparently a distant relative of yours had died, and the family was gonna hold a small funeral tomorrow morning on the local cemetery, you didn’t enjoy those kind of events since you’d get really emotional, but since it was something really small, no more than 20 people, it was private and most likely no strangers would see you cry over someone you barely knew.

Tomorrow was saturday so it was okay to spend one free morning humoring your family.

After some mindless browsing on your phone, it was already 12:30am, you haven’t even got off your sneakers since you got home, you did a quick self-cleanup in the bathroom, tossing today’s clothes to the side to change into an oversized shirt with no pants as a makeup pijamas, it got a bit warmer in the afternoon so you wanted to enjoy wearing something light before winter fully arrived, getting under the sheets and you were out fast, maybe from all the overthinking of what’d tomorrow might bring, you’ve forgotten what are funerals like.

But there was certainly no way you’d know what would happen at all the next day

...

The event was simple, thankfully there was not much crying, seemed like everyone accepted already what had happened, some kind of illness you heard, at least they weren’t suffering anymore and they’ve come to terms with everyone close to them, that was nice you thought, it sure felt a bit heavy in there, as usual for funerals. After the ceremony, the family offered a barbeque in the departed’s honor to bright up the mood a bit; right at the cementery, maybe it was cheaper than renting a place for it.

Free tasty food was something only an idiot would decline, so you spent some time doing small talk with the relatives you knew best, but still you mostly just listened and ate in silence.

You saw a glimpse of color and movement out of the corner of your eye, since everyone was wearing dark tones it stood out, turning your head there was just an empty plastic table with some half-full plates and glasses, still, you felt a shiver up your spine, it was probably the weather.

When you looked back at your phone's clock it was already 6 pm, guess dad jokes and food made time fly, you said your goodbyes and condolences to everyone and headed out, you were still at the cemetery, so you had to call a ride back home, the driver dropped you near a convenience store just around the corner of your apartment, since you needed to buy a snack for dinner, on sundays you usually had takeout, so no need to worry much about it right now.

_______________________________________________________

“I know I didn’t imagine anything, that breather saw me at the cemetery! we even locked eyes for a second! It may work this time, just gotta get closer while they're alone”

_______________________________________________________

…

Walking down the street, humming a bit to some music and a bag of snacks in hand, dusk started to set, some stars could be seen and the sky was a beautiful fuchsia tone with oranges and purples mixed in the clouds. On instinct, you took your phone out of your jeans pocket to take a picture of the cute sky.

Just as you took a couple of pictures, to make sure at least one was good to share, something caught your attention out of the corner of your eye again

You felt a shiver like a cold wind out of nowhere, similar as to when a car drives a bit too close to someone on winter, but there was not even one driving car on the street.

"Oof, should get back now, it's getting colder" picking up the peace to get home faster-

A piece of paper slapped you in the face

“EW- wind trash” you muttered while grabbing what seemed to be a flyer, and it flew indeed.

You naturally took a closer look at it when you took it into your hands and out of your face, it was a very faded print, with an image of an… insect? man? holding a hammer over a small house and people, you chuckled, it was a funny irony cartoon, a bug crushing people.

Half of the flyer was unreadable because of some liquid or dirt, already dry but you couldn’t read what was supposed to be, written under the drawing was the end of an ad;

“Ghostly services one name away!

RESIDENTIAL - INDUSTRIAL - COMMERCIAL

Call BETELGEUSE

BETELGEUSE

BETELGEUSE!”

“Betelgeuse? ...Like that one star?” There was that shiver again, Halloween was a week ago, so this kind of paper seemed normal to be hanging around with the wind.

As you walked down the street, some lights started flickering, the cold wind seemed stronger and the sky was a deep dark purple now, strange, it was supposed to be clear dark blue by now, fall nights came quickly this time of the year, still it didn't feel like the usual night. You were just around the corner of your street when the closest light bulb exploded and zapped with a loud 'CRASH', making you stop for a second cowering from the shards

"What the-!? No one told me we'd be getting winter thunderstorms sooner what the eff" muttering swears you made a run to your apartment, scurrying for the door keys in the process, lights kept flashing and the wind made windows sing a high 'oooo' noise, you have seen this kind of weather before but no one would like to be outside when it happened, nervously and quickly you finally fit the key in the lock and opened the door, hurrying inside and closing it behind, a loud bang thundered through the silent room, the unexpected storm slamming against the walls and windows, you left the lights on before going out.

After a minute it seemed to calm down, wind turning into a breeze and the sky now it's usual black, no stars in the sky.

You let out a sigh and walked to the counter to drop your keys, the phone and your purse, you had to make sure all the windows were closed for the night, luckily it was Saturday, so no need to go out tomorrow on that crazy weather.

Windows secured, you changed into your winter pajamas, a gray pair of pants with a pattern of a cat on toast and eggs, with a pastel blue loose shirt. Making your way to the kitchen you decided a light snack would be enough for tonight, after that run and emotion on the way back home you had no energy to cook a proper dinner, not even microwave, it was also too late for it anyways you thought.

You put the snack bowl and a cup of water on the kitchen counter, looking to grab your phone. You noticed you still had the dirty flyer, forgot to drop it between the commotion maybe?

Placing it aside and unlocking your phone screen, you opened the ‘best friend's’ chat group

You. 'Hey guys, did you get any of that weird winter storm action today after school?'

Rob. 'Nah, it was a clear sky for me'

Itai. 'Same, also I was asleep all afternoon'

You. 'Strange, I got caught on this whirlwind on my way back home from the store, just my luck I guess >:('

Both of the boys. 'Lol yea'

Putting the phone down and chomping on some of the snacks, you thought about the events, it was indeed a clear sky earlier, only a couple of common clouds you took pictures of before it. You grabbed the phone again, quickly to see if any of the photos looked good.

"Pleasepleaseplease" you muttered in excitement, it was a very cute view, hopefully one picture captured it nicely.

And they did, a couple looked stunning, you smiled, thinking at least it was worth getting your hair all messed up by the wind, you were about to delete one picture it since it was blurry when you noticed a different kind of blur, it was gray with splashes of green in the corner, similar to what you saw at the funeral.

"There was nothing green on the other pictures, was it?" you looked through the other photos and they were pretty normal, full of pink, purple and blue from the sunset.

You looked back at the flyer

"Betelgeuse, betelgeuse, betelgeuse huh" You said in a playful tone, grabbing the torn paper from the counter, you felt a shiver, a strong one this time, well that was the opposite of a calming experience, but still the word felt strange when you said it, it wasn't like you hadn't said before, Orion was a popular constellation, and the Betelgeuse star was on it; but this time the air inside had a tense feeling.

All the lights went off after a second "Now a blackout? What's with today ugh" picking up your phone to use as a flashlight, after a couple of seconds before you could turn it on, all the lights came back again, but you almost had a heart attack when you saw someone standing in the center of the living room, enveloped in a green mist.

"FUCK wh- WHO THE FUCK-" you stuttered before turning around and grabbing the closest thing to use as a weapon, a wooden spoon used for beating eggs this morning "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHO ARE YOU? GET OUT!"

The figure was a man, taller than you, dressed in a striped black and white suit, dark hair with green tints at the end, a wicked smile plastered on his face, he took a look around, then back to you, endless chills went down your spine when you met his eyes, you could feel the tense aura from before growing stronger, anticipating, colder.

"Well who might I be? You should know, you called my name baby! Glad to make some business with you tonight!" He said as he extended a hand and walked, floated? quickly towards a paralized you, frozen in place, you only managed to put the spoon up in self defense from whomever this man could be, the lights were out for just a few seconds, was he inside the apartment all this time?

"S-stop right there you!" tried to threaten the man with the wooden tool, he didn't seem to notice nor care, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, then placing a sloppy kiss in your face, petrified, you shivered and gripped the spoon harder, he felt oddly cold.

...Did he just kiss you? Who does he think he is??

"No no, no stopping now! We just got started cakes, and now that you said my name three times, I can finally interact with you and everything here in the world of the living! Gotta say thanks it's been real boring being invisible for so long lemme tell ya-"

*WHACK*

You hit the man in the head with the wooden spoon as hard as you could.

...the spoon broke.

The man's smile grew wider

[bunnygirl330]

𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗;

pairings: ander muñoz x omar shana, background guzman nunier osuna x nadia shana

genre: fluff, angst, future au - established relationship

word count: 4.3K

warnings: chronic illness, hospitals summary: Ander and Omar love their daughter more than anything in the world. Their lives have been much harder but also so much more joyful since she came into the world. But what happens when parenting takes it's toll on Ander? Will their relationship be able to survive?

a/n: I loved writing this, I don't think I'll ever get bored of Omander! It's so fun to imagine what they'd be like as parents. The title of this is the title of a U2 song I love that you should totally go listen to. I have at least two more works coming up in this series and I've started writing a one-shot book which I will start posting soon so keep an eye out! And, as always, thank you to my amazing beta, ( @alytavzla​ ) I don't know where I would be without her. AO3

part one - part two

Anyway, enjoy!

Ander was sat on the sofa staring into space when suddenly he was startled by a loud knock on the door. It turned out he’d actually been taking a power nap with his eyes open in one of the very, very few moments of peace he got nowadays. He got up and practically zombie walked across the apartment to get to the front door before swinging it open.

“Hey!” Lu said, far too cheerily, as she wrapped her arms around Ander. “Wow, you look like hell.” She said, taking in his appearance. Ander was dressed in sweats with stains all over his sweater and very large dark circles under his eyes.

“Thanks.” He replied sarcastically. “I’d like to see what you would look like if you had a five month old baby. Not to mention the fact that she’s just started teething.”

“Darling, I always look gorgeous.” Lu stated as she slipped off her coat and went to sit down.

“You do know I have photos of you when you were literally in labour right?”

“Your point?” Lu deadpanned, as if she didn’t understand why Ander thought that was a threat. “Anyway, where is my favourite god-daughter?”

“Omar took her out in the car to try and get her to fall asleep. She basically hasn’t slept in the past three days. And thus neither have we.” Ander flopped down on the couch next to her whilst struggling to keep his eyes open.

Lu laughed and then headed towards the kitchen to make coffee for them. Just as she flicked the switch on the coffee maker she heard the door open and a loud screaming which made Ander curl up and put a cushion over the top of his head in order to try, and fail, to block the noise.

“Urghhh,” Omar groaned, as he slammed the door shut behind him while keeping a tight grip on his daughter. “I’ve tried literally everything but she just won’t sleep.”

Omar then heard Lu laughing from the kitchen and shot her a glare as he walked over to Ander and dumped Carmen in his lap, unable to take it any longer.

“Here,” Lu said, walking over and carrying the coffee. “you two drink this and I’ll take her.”

Ander practically shoved his daughter into Lu’s arms and started nursing the coffee she’d just handed him. He loved his daughter more than anything else in the world but at the same time he hadn’t slept in 72 hours and felt like he was about to collapse.

Within five minutes Carmen was sleeping peacefully in Lu’s arms as she rocked her back and forth. Ander and Omar stared at each other in disbelief.

“She’s a witch.” Omar whispered as Lu giggled.

“How the fuck did you do that?” Ander whisper-yelled, unable to believe that it was finally silent.

“Well clearly she just loves her Aunty Lu.” Lu replied smugly.

Honestly, neither Ander nor Omar cared how she did it they just cared that Carmen was now blissfully quiet. Carmen had always been able to sleep more easily in Lu’s arms. At first it worried the couple as they thought maybe their daughter was in need of a maternal parent but quickly brushed away the worry when it turned out another person could also make her magically fall asleep and that person was Guzman, much to Ander’s annoyance.

Lu spent the next couple of hours cradling and cooing at the baby she’d given birth to a mere five months ago before she decided it was best to get back to her apartment.

———

It was now seven o’clock in the evening and Ander was attempting to put Carmen to sleep for the night as she hadn’t cried again since Lu left and the two of them were hoping that they could keep it that way.

Omar was washing up dishes when he heard screaming coming from Carmen’s nursery once again which made him want to bang his head against the kitchen cabinets.

“Ander!” He screamed, hoping that his husband would be able to get their daughter to calm down again without him having to intervene. “Ander, why is she crying again?” Omar shouted as one last pitiful attempt to try and avoid going to help but unfortunately there was no reply. Omar wasn’t surprised though, with the amount of noise Carmen was making it would have to be a miracle for Ander to hear him.

Omar entered the room and immediately tears sprung to his eyes. The first thing he saw was his baby girl sat in her cot and screaming as she looked down at the ground in front of her. As he followed her gaze he saw something that years ago he’d hoped he would never have to see again. Ander was lying face down on the ground, unconscious. Omar ran to his husband and kneeled by his side, gently trying to shake him awake. He remembered all too well what had happened last time Ander had fainted out of the blue and exactly what had come after it.

Omar now had tears running down his cheeks just like his daughter, but he also knew he needed to take action. He ripped his phone out of his pocket and dialled an ambulance.

“112, what’s your emergency?” Came a voice from down the phone.

“I-I need an a-ambulance.” Omar said, his voice shaking with fear.

“Ok, can you tell me what’s happened?” The operator asked.

“It’s my husband, he-he-” Omar’s voice was cut off by a sob that wracked his entire body. He was panicking and upset and couldn’t get his words out straight.

“Sir, I need you to calm down okay? That’s the only way I’m going to be able to help you. You just need to take deep breaths.”

Omar breathed heavily until the sobs had mostly subsided and then he continued. “I’m sorry, it’s just my husband has just fainted, he’s not coming round and he has a history of leukaemia.”

“There’s no need to apologise, it’s a perfectly normal reaction given the circumstances. An ambulance is on it’s way, it’ll be there in ten minutes, do you need me to stay on the line with you?” The woman asked.

“No, no, that’s okay. Thank you so much.” Omar said before hanging up the phone.

Once he’d calmed down, he rang Azucena who immediately burst into tears and promised to meet them at the hospital and last but not least he rang Lu as she lived only seven minutes down the road and he was in desperate need of someone to come and look after his daughter.

Less than five minutes later Lu burst through the front door of the apartment and ran to the nursery where Ander was still passed out on the ground while Omar had now picked up his daughter and was attempting to sooth her whilst also crouching over Ander.

Lu immediately took Carmen from Omar’s arms and mere seconds later paramedics came rushing into the apartment.

Omar sobbed as Ander was loaded onto a stretcher and Lu did the best she could to comfort both him and the young child in her arms.

———

Omar was now in the ambulance with his head in his hands, unable to look at his husband attached to so many wires once again.

Suddenly a memory flashed through his brain which brought a whole new wave of tears.

It had been late at night and Ander was drained of all life as he’d now been undergoing chemotherapy for six very long weeks. Omar had been watching him as he brushed his teeth, clinging on to the sink in order to stay upright as he refused to let Omar help him. Ander looked better than he had earlier and so Omar decided to quickly run downstairs to get water for the two of them before they went to bed, however when he returned to their room Ander was lying across the bedroom floor clearly having fainted on his way from the bathroom to the bed. That had been the worst night of Omar’s life as ander hadn’t regained consciousness for over twelve hours and Omar had spent the entire time blaming himself.

At least, that had been the worst night of his life, until now. Omar couldn’t help thinking that maybe it was his fault again. Had he missed any warning signs? His love for Ander had grown even stronger over the past twelve years and he couldn’t picture his life without him, especially now that they had a beautiful daughter and what was set to be an incredible life ahead of them.

Omar was snapped out of his thoughts as the ambulance pulled up to the hospital and the paramedics began to move Ander out of the ambulance.

The next three hours went by in a blur. Omar had met an almost hysterical Azucena at the hospital entrance and had to spend twenty minutes trying to calm her down even though, internally, he was just as worried. Ander had regained consciousness half an hour after arriving at the hospital and then the next two hours had been spent with nurses running in and out of the room performing a series of tests on Ander and refusing to explain to any of them exactly what was going on. Half an hour ago a nurse had entered the room saying that a doctor would be with them shortly but that in the mean time Ander could get dressed as he was being discharged.

None of them were sure what to think of him being discharged. On one hand it could mean there was nothing wrong but on the other it could mean the hospital was busy and needed the bed.

Omar was sat next to his husband on the bed, clutching Ander’s hand in his own, as Azucena sat in a chair to the side. Then suddenly a doctor entered whilst looking down at the clipboard he was holding in his hand.

“Hi, I’m Dr Powell.” He said with an obvious American accent. “So I’m sure you’re all probably confused as to what’s happening but I’m afraid that at this time I can’t give you any solid answers. You do have a history of leukaemia so I’d just like to go over a few things with you if that’s okay?”

Ander nodded his head as he squeezed Omar’s hand in an attempt to reassure him.

“I just wondered whether you’d been experiencing any of your old symptoms recently? Nose bleeds, fatigue, etc?” The doctor asked.

“Um, I’m honestly not sure. I’ve been very tired and I’ve had headaches and little dizzy spells but we have a five month old daughter so I’d just put it down to the tolls of parenting. It’s been so long since everything happened that the thought of a relapse honestly hadn’t even crossed my mind.” The more Ander spoke, the more worried Omar began to get. If Ander had been experiencing symptoms of an kind it surely couldn’t be a good sign.

“There is a chance it’s just exhaustion and a lack of sleep, especially if you have a young child. However at the same to time I don’t want to give you false hope. Many people experience a lack of sleep when they’re new parents and but not very many of them end up in hospital. I just want to prepare you for the fact that there is a possibility that your leukaemia has returned. But I’m afraid there’s nothing else I can tell you until we get the test results back and that won’t be for twelve hours so I’ll need you to come back tomorrow afternoon so we can go through them.”

Azucena let out a small sob from where she was sat in the corner as Omar wrapped his arms around Ander who was staring vacantly at the wall, unable to process everything he’d just been told.

———

Once the three of them had left the hospital Ander and Omar hugged Azucena before saying goodbye with the promise that they would meet her back here in the morning.

When they got back to the apartment Omar quietly shut the door behind them as they made their way to the living room. They looked down at the couch to see Lu asleep with Carmen also asleep on her chest.

Carmen started making soft noises indicating that she was waking up so Ander lifted his daughter off of Lu’s chest causing Lu to also stir.

“Hey baby girl.” Ander whispered to Carmen as he rocked her back and forth. “Shhh it’s okay. Daddy’s here, it’s all okay.”

“Hey.” Lu said, looking up at both of them with sleep lacing her voice. “How did it go? Is everything okay?”

“We don’t know.” Omar said as he plopped down on the sofa next to her. “We get the test results in the morning.”

“I’m sorry.” Lu said, beginning to rub Omar’s back. “Look, I’ll stay here tonight so that you two can get a proper nights sleep and I’ll stay with Carmen in the morning when you go back to the hospital.”

“You would do that for us?” Ander asked, looking up from his now sleeping daughter and towards Lu.

“Well I gave birth to your fucking baby for you so I’m pretty sure I can stay the night.” She replied, chuckling lightly.

“Fair enough.” Ander said as he kissed his daughter good night and then handed her back to Lu who made her way to the nursery with Carmen.

Once Lu had disappeared Omar stood from the couch and took Ander’s hands in his. Ander didn’t move away but remained staring down at the ground.

“Hey,” Omar said using his index finger to push Ander’s chin upwards so he was looking him in the eyes. “it’ll all be okay. I promise.”

“But you can’t promise that. There’s nothing you can do. What if it is back? What if there’s a chance we could lose each other all over again?” Ander whispered, not wanting to face the reality of what could happen if he was ill again.

“You’re right. I can’t promise that nothing’s wrong. But I know you and you’re a fighter so if it is back then you’re just going to have to fight it even harder than you did last time. After all, you have so much more to fight for this time.”

“But what about Carmen? We’ve only just got her and I can’t bear the thought of leaving her.” By this point Ander had tears streaming down is cheeks as he looked up at Omar who was trying to old back his own tears for the sake of his husband.

“You’re not going to leave her.” Omar replied as he put his forehead against Ander’s. “We fight for the people that we love. So if the leukaemia’s back then you’re going to fight for her, and for me as well. I can’t do this without you. I can’t live without you, and I refuse to even think about it. We can’t let this ruin us. Not again. I love you and Carmen more than anything in the world. We’re a family and I won’t let this tear us apart.”

“I love you too.” Ander whispered as he leaned in to gently kiss Omar, salty tears running down both their cheeks.

———

The next morning Ander woke up and immediately ran into the ensuite attached to his and Omar’s bedroom, throwing up as soon as he got there. Omar quickly appeared behind him, rubbing his back as he crouched down next to him.

“Are you okay?” Omar asked, his voice laced with worry.

“Just nerves I think.” Ander replied, grabbing Omar’s hand to stand up before rinsing his mouth and face in the sink.

The two of them wondered out of their bedroom and were met with the smell of delicious breakfast. In front of them they saw Guzman cooking breakfast while Nadia was feeding Carmen at the kitchen island and chatting to Lu.

“You people are aware that this is our apartment right?” Ander said, taking in the scene in front of him which made Omar laugh.

“Babe, it’s fine. They’re being helpful.” Omar said as he pecked Ander on the lips and made his way to the kitchen to help Guzman.

Ander shook his head in despair but secretly found it quite amusing. After all, he should probably be used to it by now considering all them seemed to just come and go from his apartment as they pleased.

“Uncle Anderrrrrrr!” Ander was snapped out of his thoughts by a scream as Marina ran into his arms and his quickly picked up the five-year-old.

“Hi sweetie.” Ander said as a smile grew on his face as he hugged his niece. He then made his way over to the kitchen where the rest of them were.

“Uncle Ander.” Marina said, poking him to get his attention as a sad look appeared on her face.

“Yes?” Ander replied, placing Marina down on the kitchen island so that she was facing him.

“Are you okay?” The little girl said timidly as if she was afraid of the answer.

“What do you mean? Of course I’m okay.”

“Well I heard Mummy and Daddy talking to Aunty Lu this morning and they said that you might be poorly.” Marina was now on the verge of tears and Ander felt a pang in his chest.

Ander shot the others a glare over the top of Marina’s head as they all looked at the young girl, shocked that she’d heard them, as clearly they’d believed she wasn’t paying attention.

“I’m fine. I promise. I think you must have heard your Mummy and Daddy talking about someone else.” Ander looked down at his niece reassuringly as she wrapped her little arms around him and hugged him tight. There was no need to worry her over this, not yet anyway.

———

Two hours later Ander was sat it the hospital waiting room, with his mother on one side and Omar on the other, having a serious case of deja vu.

All he could think about was the countless times he’d walked into this very room and prayed that the doctor would tell him the cancer was gone, but then again and again he’d been disappointed. What if this time was like those? What if it really was back?

He’d felt a sense of dread ever since he’d left the hospital last night but now the panic was setting in and he didn’t know how to get rid of it.

Suddenly Omar noticed that Ander had begun hyperventilating next to him and was struggling to breathe.

“Ander! Ander!” Omar shouted, crouching down in front of his husband as Azucena sat looking incredibly concerned. “Ander I need you to breathe okay? You need to take a deep breath.” Omar was trying his best calm Ander down but it didn’t seem to be working as Ander’s breathing had only slowed very slightly.

Then Omar got an idea and took Ander’s hand and placed it on his chest. “Ander, look at me and breathe with me.” Gradually Ander’s breathing slowed as he followed the rise and fall of Omar’s chest.

Omar moved back into his seat beside Ander and took his head in his hands. “Are you okay? What was that all about?”

“I think it just actually hit me.” Ander said. “I mean, what if it has come back? I’ll have to do chemo and everything all over again. I’ll lose my hair, I’ll constantly be sick, you remember what it was like last time. I wont be able to help with Carmen and I really don’t want her to see me like that. I don’t want you to see me like that, not again, not after what this did to us last time.”

Omar sighed, trying to take in everything that Ander had said. “Listen, there’s no point in worrying until we know okay? But also, if you can’t help with Carmen it’s not the end of the world. The important thing would be to get better for her, plus we have so many people in our lives who would be more than happy to help look after her. Also, Carmen’s too young to remember what you look like right now so you would just have to focus on getting better faster so she never has to see you like that.” Ander was nodding but Omar knew that there was still something else he needed to say. “And if it’s a repeat of last time that you’re worried about then you don’t need to. The cancer didn’t ruin our relationship, I did. I’m the one who fucked up and I have to spend every single fucking day of my life regretting it and wondering to myself how I could ever have done that to you. I swear to you that that would never happen again. I love you so much that it scares me sometimes and I love our daughter just as much. We’re a family okay? And nothing, not even this, is going to fuck that up.”

Ander grabbed Omar’s face and brought his lips to his own, kissing him passionately and not caring that they were in a waiting room full of people or that his mother was right next to them. Ander pulled back but their foreheads remained touching. “Thank you.” Ander said. “And, just for the record, I love you too.” A smile broke out across both their faces as they pulled apart but kept tight hold of each other’s hand.

“Ander Muñoz-Shanaa.” Came a voice ten minutes later and the three of them stood and made their way into the doctors office. They sat in the chairs facing Dr Powell’s desk with Omar holding on of Ander’s hands and Azucena holding the other, Ander having given up the ‘tough guy’ act quite a while ago.

They all sat nervously, waiting for Dr Powell to enter the room. “Hi, sorry for the wait.” He said when he finally did. The doctor took a seat behind his desk and picked up a rather large looking file with Ander’s name printed onto the front. Ander remembered seeing that file many times before, only it seemed to get bigger every time he saw it.

The next ten seconds that the doctor inspected the file felt more like ten years. Finally he put the file down and looked at them.

“Your white blood cell levels are normal, congratulations, your still cancer free.” A smile grew on Dr Powell’s face as tears filled the eyes of the three people sat in front of him.

Ander gasped, not quite able to believe it, when he heard the words come out of the doctor’s mouth. He was cancer free. It must have just been exhaustion. Omar seemed speechless and Azucena had happy tears running down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms tightly round her son.

After thanking the doctor the three of them made their way out of the hospital and Azucena waved them goodbye, promising to visit her granddaughter the next day.

The ride home was silent, but not an uncomfortable silence, just one of disbelief.

They arrived home and made their way up to the apartment, Ander closing the door behind them once they’d entered.

Omar turned around to gaze at his husband and immediately they were kissing as if there was some magnetic force pulling them together.

“You’re cancer free.” Omar whispered, breathless, as he pulled back.

“Yep, there’s no chance you’re getting rid of me now.” Ander said before moving his mouth down to Omar’s neck.

“Good.” Omar said between moans. “You know, Guzman, Nadia and Lu took the kids out and they won’t be back for another hour. What do you say we use this time to celebrate?”

“I’d say that sounds like a very good idea.” Ander whispered before reattaching his lips to Omar’s and dragging him towards their bedroom.

———

One hour later Ander and Omar were lying in bed when they heard the front door swing open and voices enter the apartment.

“Shit! We lost track of time, they’re back already.” Omar said, looking sideways at Ander.

They were about to jump up and get dressed when their bedroom door swung open to reveal Guzman looking round the door.

“Hey are you guys in h-” Guzman started before noticing them in the bed and beginning to laugh. “Guess we know your cancer’s not back then.” He said, struggling contain his laughter. “I’ll let you two get dressed. But please, don’t carry on, there are children in this house.”

Guzman left the room whilst laughing at his own joke and Ander and Omar looked at each other, only slightly mortified.

Five minutes later the couple emerged from their bedroom to see Lu, Nadia and Guzman all looking at them with smirks on their faces as Marina was watching cartoons and Carmen was in Nadia’s arms.

“So, it’s good news then?” Lu asked, giggling, as the two of them approached. Ander took his daughter from Nadia and then gave Lu the finger after checking that Marina was still looking at the TV.

“Well at least I’m not the one who found you.” Nadia said, sipping the coffee in her hands. “You are still my brother, I don’t want to see that.”

“What, you mean you’ve never walked in on them before?” Lu asked her best friend, looking slightly shocked.

“No, have you?” Nadia said, looking equally shocked.

“Yeah, like five times. I did live here for nine months remember?” Lu replied.

“Five times?” Guzman snorted. “Huh, that’s nothing. I’ve walked in on them more times than I care to count.”

“Okay.” Ander said, his tone firm. “Can we stop talking now? As Guzman previously pointed out there are children in this house so could everyone please choose a topic other than mine and Omar’s sex life.” He hissed the last part of his sentence whilst covering his daughter’s ears in order to try and prevent either child from hearing them.

“Yes, can we?” Omar said, walking over to Ander and taking his daughter’s tiny hand in his.

“Fine, whatever.” Lu said, rolling her eyes as they all started chatting about what the three of them had taken the kids to do.

Ander looked down at his daughter and then at his husband. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if the results had been different. He couldn’t possibly imagine leaving either of them. He just loved them too much.

[brightstarhoshi]

Say Goodbye for Now

✎ In Collaboration with @froneypupbee​

Chapter 1 [RE-EDITED]

✧ Link to Masterlist ✧ Genre: Angst, Romance, Slice of Life, Melodrama ✧ Word Count: 5k ✧ Summary: Diagnosed with terminal cancer, Mark Lee is met with the heart wrenching truth that he has less than a month to live. His first decision is to face closure with his best friend, Donghyuck, who struggles to accept the reality of their future. What starts out as an early farewell turns into Donghyuck suggesting they spend their last few months together by following Mark’s bucket list from when he was fourteen. As Donghyuck is aware that the list ranges from domestic to insane objectives, there is one item that slightly intrigues him—falling in love.

Mark Lee, at the age of 18, was dying. He’d undergone treatment for a long time, gotten better for a short period of time before his health plummeted and cancer proceeded to spread through his body. He was weaker than ever, physically and emotionally. He thought he’d come to terms with dying, he knew there was a chance of it happening, but he didn’t think it would happen so soon. After his one period of good health, he probably got it into his head that he might’ve actually had the chance of living a fulfilling life. At a point, everyone around him was just as hopeful as he had been. But the golden walls of that false reality came tumbling down to reveal the twisted reality he actually lived in.

Mark Lee learned on May 16th that he only had a few months to live at best and it was more likely than not that a few months could mean only one. He learned that all of the hope and happiness he’d compiled in his short life would end so soon. He had so much he wanted to do, but the time was torn from his hands. He wanted to weep, but the tears wouldn’t come out. He had to keep face in front of his parents and didn’t want to cry in front of the doctor that always told him to stay strong.

The ride home was one of the longest he’d ever experienced. His parents tried to act happy for his sake, but Mark could tell that everything was eating at them as much as it ate at him, but he tried to smile for them. They deserved happiness because he was living a life that would soon end just to devastate those around him. He’d try to make his end easier for them as long as he could.

Upon arriving home, Mark went straight to the only thing that was able to comfort him. The only person more like. He quickly unlocked his phone with hands so shaky he was surprised he could type properly. He opened his messages and a flood of agony swallowed up his mind. Donghyuck was always punctual and knew just how long his usual appointments would last, he’d always made sure to send him a message inquiring about how his appointment went. Mark could bear with what he’d have to tell his friend this time, so he didn’t reply with more than:

‘Come over. Urgent.’

He let his phone fall into his lap as he flopped back onto his bed, struggling to settle himself under the sheets while he awaited a knock from his friend.

Today, the earthy wands of the trees, those limbs that stretch into the sky, bloomed many new buds that decorated themselves in polka-dots. They had shed their winter covers, the layers they sheltered within, and now bravely sought the sun, renewed in its brilliance. This day was too charming to go out with, and instead of taking advantage of it like most would, Donghyuck made the decision to stay indoors and burn a batch of perfectly shaped pastries that Mark would have enjoyed.

Or at least, could have.

He sighed in defeat and paused to admire the flowers outside that blossomed from the windowsill planter. It was a shame—he missed out on the moment to be a part of the transient beauty that the floral aroma released, but now they were poisoned with the overwhelming char of the desserts. He tore the oven mitts from his hands and tossed them onto the kitchen counter, groaning in exasperation as he brought a hand to rub the tension from his temples.

After a few moments of pacing around in the kitchen, Donghyuck’s ears perked up at the sound of an unanticipated whir from the dining table. He followed the sudden interruption and perceived his phone blinking from numerous notifications. It was to be expected, as he often neglected any sort of mobile communication when he was focused on certain tasks. He almost shrugged it off as he thought it could be another text from his coworker asking to take his shift again. However, he immediately swiped his phone from the table when he saw Mark Lee’s name emerged from the rest of the miscellaneous notices, with a message so direct and brief it made his stomach drop.

‘Come over. Urgent.’

Donghyuck’s eyes darted up to the time displayed on the corner of his screen: 3:47.

“Shit…” His jaw clenched rigidly under his breath and he ran a hand through his hair, almost yanking on it. Mark had to have been waiting at home for at least half an hour, and Donghyuck wasn’t supposed to arrive at his door empty-handed. His pacing resumed as he continued to grumble over the failed chocolate chip cookies, convincing himself that he could possibly go for a second attempt the following day. Mark wouldn’t mind the overdue present so long as he still received them.

Donghyuck’s aimless wandering then lead him straight into his bedroom, where he snatched his keys and jacket off of the dresser. He quickly made his way back into the living room where he shoved his phone in his back pocket and didn’t hesitate to bolt out the door.

“Mark! Fuck’s sake, open up!” Donghyuck shouted from the patio as he refused to stop his persistent pounding on the door. “Don’t make me break in! I’ll climb through your window if I have to!”

His phone vibrated in his pocket for the third time now, and since creating a public disturbance seemed futile and a waste of energy, he withdrew his phone and noticed that it was Mark that had called him multiple times. His name on the screen still glared at him, the phone buzzing in his hand nonstop.

Donghyuck brought the phone up to his ear, stepping off of the patio and taking a gander out in the neighborhood as though he expected to discover Mark strolling on the sidewalk.

“Mark, where the hell are you? I’ve been banging on your door for the past five minutes and nobody—”

“Bro…” Mark muttered from the other line, and Donghyuck couldn’t tell if he was half asleep or in a state of confusion.

“I left the door unlocked for you…”

Donghyuck whirled around and glanced up at Mark’s bedroom window, eyes squinting from the blinding sunlight that reflected off of the glass. He raised an arm to guard his eyes and caught his best friend staring back at him through the window, a curtain lifted over his head.

He huffed through the line and tilted his head in inquiry. “Really? You couldn’t come downstairs to tell me that?”

Mark sighed into the phone and moved from the window. His head was pounding and the longer he stood the more pain he was in. “You have the key anyway, dumbass, you could let yourself in even if it was locked.” All that was perceived on the other end of the phone call was an exasperated sigh from Donghyuck, who was in complete denial that he had clearly lost the key to his house again.

After the call disconnected, Mark once again curled up in his bed as pain swelled in his chest and anxiety built in his body. He was about to tell his best friend he was dying and the closer Donghyuck’s steps came, the tighter his throat became. He forced himself to sit up when the door opened and as soon as he saw his best friend’s face look at him in concern, Mark Lee allowed his tears to stream down his face as though flood gates had opened.

Donghyuck was quick to wrap his friend in his arms, and even though Mark should find comfort in his friend’s grasp, he only felt more pain. “It hurts so bad, Sookie.” He was able to get out between panicked breaths. “It hurts so fucking bad.”

Mark always felt bad for putting his friend through his breakdowns, but he was never able to stop them from happening. He wished so badly he could will the tears away from his eyes today, he wished he could just tell Donghyuck and get it over with, but he couldn’t stop as the sobs painfully wracked his system for all too long.

It took a long while to stop crying. He didn’t really calm down at all, just ran out of tears to spill. To his friend, his breakdown seemed to be ending, but  Mark felt like that had only been the beginning of several weeks worth of pain much worse.

“Dongsookie… I’m not gonna be here much longer.” Donghyuck’s head snapped toward him at neck-breaking speed asking him to repeat what he’d said.

It almost hurt more the second time. Telling Donghyuck he was dying and that there was nothing more anyone could do for him. Watching Donghyuck process all of the information as his face went through so many emotional changes was almost enough to make Mark cry again, but he couldn’t. "I thought I’d come to terms with dying long before this, but... I’m so fucking scared now, Sookie. I’m terrified.”

The desolation Donghyuck felt was all consuming. His mind became an icy wasteland that froze over his emotions. The wind howled in his soul and wrapped ill-bearing tentacles around his heart so tightly it almost ceased its irregular beating. He felt emotionally bankrupt. There was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped him in swirling blackness as he plummeted into the desk chair that sat behind him.

Mark Lee—his best friend since childhood—was dying. For as long as he could remember, all of the time they spent together was built off of mischievous phases that every grade school kid experienced. Flashbacks immediately flooded the catastrophic mindset he caught himself in—the Halloweens Donghyuck and Mark would spend vandalizing homes of people that nobody liked with spoiled eggs and low-quality toilet paper. He recalled the times when they would pull off harmless pranks on this one particular girl in fourth grade because they both had a crush on her. He could hear his mother scolding them both for bringing a muddy soccer ball and stained shoes into the house after a very wet day out in the park. Then afterward, she’d have a wave of guilt convince her into cooking them platters of spicy chicken and pork bulgogi. The list went on for what seemed like an eternity.

Either way, the laughter that coexisted in their lives were never ending and all of the treats they shared were wonderful. They were unforgettable moments that created such an imperfect but endearing childhood, all those simple days that seemed to go on and on, until today. And something foul had splintered inside Donghyuck.

“No.” Donghyuck bore his eyes into the clenched fists that pushed down on his knees. Tears were brimming in the corners of his eyes, his face the color of a brick, his voice cracking with a hard edge. His shoulders were tremendously heavy, weighing him down, leaving him almost paralyzed, but his head almost snapped as he looked at Mark with anger brewing in his chest, his face twisted with a venomous glare.

“This is bullshit,” he spat with a curt, clipped tone, almost snarling, “You were supposed to get better. You were supposed to beat this thing—beat this God awful misery that I spent years trying to helping you fight. I was always with you through all the stupid shit that came at us and now you’re just going to let it take you away from me?”

There was a slight drop in the air temperature—the descent of absolute silence.  Mark’s face had contorted into a look of distress, sadness hovering over his core and slithering into his chest, leaving his heart abandoned. There was a bitter taste sleeping on his tongue that he couldn’t control. There were blurry spots in the corners of his vision that he couldn’t choke back. It frightened him that sudden tears could burn his retinas and cause such a displeasing wave to wash over him, one that made him shudder all over his body. It only took all of the effort he could muster to tame the aches he endured, yet they were aggravated. Never so desperately had Mark wanted to recoil into his bed and shrivel into dust.

“Dongsookie,” Mark gasped, his restless hands curling and loosening out of agitation, unconsciously gripping a handful of bed sheets.

“I never had a choice in this—I didn’t decide to die because I wanted to. You fucking knew this could happen, so what the fuck is your problem?!”

He trembled as he was brave enough to bring himself to a stand, his legs almost failing beneath but they somehow kept a steadfast stance. The raw agony that shot up his back made him flinch, the memory of Donghyuck’s words impaling him as though a javelin took him as prey.  Suddenly, the distorted view of Donghyuck’s horrified expression slowly came into focus. He was seething at the slight remorse that he could already sense in the excruciatingly thick atmosphere.

“I’m dying and you act like it’s my fault...” Mark murmured under his raspy breath. The quivering never stopped. It was as though the cancer cells had already annexed his entire system and the only thing left to do was to gulp down all of his fears as a temporary coping mechanism.

But Mark was destroyed. Never had he felt so many emotions that secluded  him into a void that he couldn’t describe, and all he could do was cast his gaze onto the ground and his eyes darkened—almost black like the void that couldn’t be filled.

He glanced back up at Donghyuck, only to glower at him in rage.

“Screw you, Donghyuck.”

And all at once, he felt his heart rate pick up in erratic spikes. The words that filled his head persisted him to continue the spillage of his uncontrollable emotions. They were twisted with an unfamiliar hate that nearly consumed Mark if only there wasn’t a certain innocence that was portrayed in Donghyuck’s eyes.

The sight of those bittersweet chocolate eyes immediately squeezed his throat and compressed his chest shut.  He was now in a coughing fit, one that let out ugly rattles from his lungs. His head spun as catching his breath became more and more difficult. Mark clutched at his core, his wheezes leaving his throat with little to no respiration, and his vision was blotched with white spots that began to engulf his conscious. There was a numbness that spread throughout his entire body, which didn’t take long to collapse onto the ground, and after a couple of moments where Mark lost his ability to breathe, the whites of his eyes had rolled back into his head, where everything suddenly turned black.

Mark was balled up on the floor when he came to, his parents quite unsettled as they struggled to help him onto his bed. His mother became uneasy as she demanded for answers, or at least any sign of confirmation that he was okay to lie down and rest, but Mark was too distracted to answer, as he blankly stared at the wall in front of him that created a canvas for his thoughts to freely roam. He made the assumption that his parents had just missed Donghyuck’s presence, as his eyes scanned the room and outside the window, only to realize that he was nowhere to be found.

Mark was more so struck in dismay that his best friend had left him isolated and dejected without warning, a pain that Donghyuck had never inflicted him with before. His heart sank and he did his best to silence the returning tears. Still quietly wheezing, Mark used up all of the energy he had left, silently dismissing his parents as he forced his body into a deep, well-needed slumber. One that he hoped could last for a very long time.

Donghyuck stormed through his front door in a tumult of sweat and tears, not noticing that he had startled his mother, who was in the kitchen and had jumped with a frantic yelp upon hearing the door suddenly burst open.  He halted in her presence, immediately turning away in hopes of concealing the vulnerability that was clearly written all over him. The panting, however, didn’t go away, and the only time it’d stop was to desperately fill his lungs with fresh air. At this rate, Donghyuck’s mother would’ve been a fool to have missed the sniffles and stifling sobs coming from her own son.

“Donghyuck.” Her tone was tense, yet full of concern, and if it wasn’t for the memories of his family with Mark and his parents flooding back into his mind, he wouldn’t have given in and faced her, revealing the tears that cleansed his red cheeks. Few droplets remained, forgetting their way as the path was swept from beneath them, consequently blurring Donghyuck’s vision with episodes of torment and anguish.

“Mom…” He blinked back his briny tears, “I’m sorry for making a mess in the kitchen. I’ll clean up before curfew, I promise.”

This was not the first time Donghyuck cried in front of his mother, especially since Mark’s terminal illness was diagnosed. He could not help but bury his blotched face into his hands, especially when the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. He was as hollow as Mark—he could feel the same emptiness that drove them both into a state of denial that life could be so cruel. They used to have this childish spirit that cherished everything, that sought to bring joy to themselves and to appreciate the laughter they bestowed in one another.

Now it was gone. Mark’s life was crumbling in his fingertips as the miserable years went by. So there and then, when Donghyuck’s mother approached him with hands caressing his face that was hot to the touch, his lashes brimmed heavy with tears, his lips trembling and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. He suddenly crashed into her arms, sobbing endlessly.

“My Donghyuck… You know that’s not important.” His mother planted his head on her shoulder, hands gently stroking his hair.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she said, “I can’t bear to see you so miserable.”

When Donghyuck wept, there was a gut-wrenching sound to it, like the pain was still an open wound. He clasped tightly onto his mother’s sleeves for support, and his whole body shook from the cries that would constantly trap itself in his throat.

“Mark—,” he gasped, “Mark’s not okay—he...”

The muffled sobs wracked against his chest. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste of his salty tears, the smell of his mother’s clothes. Everything evaporated. The last painful scene of Mark plummeting to the ground slammed against him before he melted from the wave of exhaustion that washed over him.

“It’s okay,” his mother whispered, “Don’t say anymore.”

For a moment, Donghyuck thought he felt a deep sigh from her softly humming against his body, as though his grief had rubbed off on his mother. It only strangled his heart tighter, the stress pounding more blood into his head. The desire he had to tell his mother everything wasn’t enough for him to spill out the entire truth.

“I’m awful.” He could barely whimper the word he’d muster out. “I left him there, Mom. He said he didn’t have much time, and I just left him. I couldn’t stay to listen. I didn’t want to hear it.”

He couldn’t control his rambling any longer, and as Donghyuck wept, his breath struggled to collect itself.

“It’s not fair,” he cried, “I never got to do everything he wanted to do. I’m never going to see all of the places he wanted to visit.”

Donghyuck slowly withdrew himself from his mother’s embrace, with loud heaving sobs tearing from his throat. He kept his faint, yet unwavering gaze still with her, searching for any signs of hope in her distraught eyes.   

“Please let me wake up from this nightmare,” he pleaded, his legs almost giving in, “I don’t want to be here anymore. Not in a world without him. Please, Mom.”

But all she could offer was a lone tear that traced down her cheek, followed by a sniffle—a sign that she had the ability to take away some of the weight Donghyuck had sustained all this time.

“Honey.” A brief chuckle broke out from a warm smile that was plastered on her face. “You’re only this way because you care. But you’re still young, and you must learn to accept that this is how life will be for us. We have no choice but to continue living it, with or without our little Mark.”

Her thumb grazed against his swollen eyes. They looked as though an ocean had been encased inside of small glass marbles that appeared to be cracked. She brushed off the remnants of the ocean that had leaked and left tracks down his rosy cheeks.

“He wants you to be happy when he’s away, so you must make the most of it when you’re with him, okay? Promise me that.”

Donghyuck lips strained to exhibit a half-hearted smile—a mask he was more than accustomed to constantly wear in order to escape from his stubborn denial. The blue feeling washed in an unwanted wave of despondency, knocking his ambitious sandcastles flat. He still couldn’t accept that Mark was really on a time limit, and for how long was virtually unknown. The wish for him to remain in the same space he breathed in filled him with such rage and bitterness. It was as though Donghyuck was the time bomb that was nearly at its end, not Mark. What could he do—was he supposed to reconstruct the sandcastles from scratch? How could he do so, when Mark was the bucket that created the foundation of his structure? He stood in the dimly lit hallway with his mother, his head hung low. The sadness still lingered, but it was no longer raw—it was now an empty unhappiness, the kind he knew would not lift easily.

Moments of needed silence passed as Donghyuck was sent to his bedroom by his mother, who insisted that he’d call it an early night and that they would finish Mark’s cookies first thing in the morning. He reluctantly obeyed, as he discovered himself sprawled out on the carpet near his bed, staring up at the blank ceiling that seemed to have drawn him into another universe. All of the noise disappeared in an instant. He felt like he was stuck between two realities: one that was imperfect without Mark, but real. The other being a vision where he pictured himself reliving his childhood with Mark and their families, the one he longed himself to be a part of again for an eternity, where their hearts would be brimming with joy and episodes of constant euphoria.

“Wait…” Donghyuck mumbled to himself, descending his thoughts from the clouds. Suddenly his stomach dropped when a rush of realization passed through him.

Reliving their childhood together?

His body didn’t hesitate to jolt upright as Donghyuck scrambled on all fours, hastily crawling towards his closet. He hands ran through numerous items piled together in the enclosed space, mainly boxes packed with old projects from his middle school days. As he sifted and sorted through stacks of nostalgia, his eyes darted through each and every single paper he came across, on the lookout for a certain style of handwriting that only he and his best friend could recognize. By the time Donghyuck was dissecting his third box, the blood that had been vigorously coursing throughout his body suddenly plunged straight into his ears.

A single piece of paper, one that could change Donghyuck’s entire mindset on the matter that had been eating away at him for as long as he could remember. He delicately retracted the sheet that was covered with Mark’s juvenile handwriting scribbled in every space and corner. A flower was blooming in his chest, a hopeful one. It came from a wilted bud that was seeded deep inside, and it didn’t take long to light up his eyes and spread across every limb that was attached to his body. He could already imagine the elation in his alternate universe.

This is it, he thought. He could relive his happiest moments with Mark.

And for the first time in a long while, Donghyuck smiled.

Mark didn’t know what time it was or how long he’d even been sleeping when he was vigorously shaken awake. “Mark,” a harsh whisper pierced his ringing ears. “Mark Lee, wake up.” He sighed and slowly turned over in bed to face Donghyuck, looking entirely different from their last encounter.

“What...” Mark croaked out, feeling razors shredding down his throat.

“Hey, I know I’m a huge fucking jerk, Markie. But look at this,” Donghyuck shoved a piece of paper toward him, and in the dark Mark could vaguely make out his youthful handwriting.

“My bucket list?” Donghyuck shook his head and plopped himself next to Mark, making the bed jump slightly. “What about it? I was like fourteen when we sat down to make that… It’s probably full of some stupid shit I already got to do through Make a Wish.”

“Then make a new one. Right now. We’ll start tomorrow.” He seemed excited, but Mark honestly couldn’t muster up the same excitement, and upon noticing his mood, Donghyuck’s shoulders fell. “It’s cause of me, right? I know I screwed up. I got angry at you and exploded at you for something you can’t control and are dealing with first hand. I’m really, really sorry Mark. I just didn’t think I’d ever actually lose you. I thought we’d always get to be together.”

Mark relaxed slightly upon his friend's words, but couldn’t muster up more than a deep sigh. He was confused and scared. A bucket list is for people really dying, and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to reject the idea. He could ignore the pain and the fact he really was going to die, but living his days as normal and bland as possible, not like every day could be his last. “What makes you think it’s such a good idea, Sookie?” He questioned and looked to his hands in his lap, curling them together to avoid looking at how boney his hands and wrists had grown. “Look at me, I’m skin and bones. I’ll be a skeleton in weeks. It wouldn’t be fun for you to have to haul me everywhere looking like that. My doctors are sending my parents a wheelchair so they have it for me when my legs go out. I’ll be dead weight, literally.”

Silence filled the room and Mark looked up just to make sure Donghyuck hadn’t bolted again. Surely enough he was still sitting next to him, eyes drilling into Mark’s now that they were face to face. “Are you done talking silly?”

“Uh, I mean, I guess?”

“Good. Mark Lee, have you already forgotten that I will always look after you, for however long it is I need to. Through thick and thin, now life and death, I’ll be by your side. We’re best friends. I’m not gonna leave you to rot in your room.” Mark’s breath hitched while his friend spoke, his chest getting tight with emotion once again. “Now get up, you have a list to revise and it’s time to start making some plans. We’ve got work for a lifetime set up in front of us.”

Mark hung his head, willing the tears his friend had brought to his eyes before pushing himself out of bed to sit by his desk. “Give me an hour,” Mark grumbled, snatching the paper with fake annoyance and quickly getting to work.

An hour turned into two, but Mark had finished the quickly revised bucket list. It took a lot of time and thought originally, but fourteen-year-old Mark had all of the time in the world to think stuff over. He had to finish all of his deep thinking in a night in hopes to finish at least half the list while he still had time.

As Donghyuck laid on his bed, now fully asleep, Mark read all of his bullet points again and thought about one more item to add. It was cheesy—really fucking cheesy and yet it drew more tears to his eyes as he shakily jotted it down at the very bottom of the list. He felt dumb for getting so emotional over something that could’ve never happen in his life anyway, but thinking about how he’d never get to experience it kind of tore him apart. He roughly tried to pull himself together yet again in the past eighteen hours and succeeded after a few minutes of thought processing.

He put the pen down atop the paper and slowly made his way towards his bed, where he gently nudged his friend to move over so he could sleep at his side. He looked at Donghyuck, whose soft complexion was bathed in the sheer moonlight that snuck through the curtains. Mark pasted a small smile on his face as he was relieved enough to rest his eyes shut, knowing Donghyuck wasn’t going anywhere. If his last days were going to be spent with anyone, his closest friend was the best choice—even if the road ahead would be as difficult as ever.  

[froneypupbee]

Say Goodbye For Now :: 01

✎ in collaboration with @brightstarhoshi

☁ Link To Masterlist ☁ Genre: Angst, Romance, Slice of Life, Melodrama ☁ Word Count: 5k ☁ Summary: Diagnosed with leukemia, Mark Lee is met with the heart wrenching truth that he has less than a month to live. His first decision is to face closure with his best friend, Lee Donghyuck, who struggles to accept the reality of their future. What starts out as an early farewell turns into Donghyuck suggesting they spend their last few weeks together by following Mark’s bucket list from when he was fourteen. As Donghyuck is aware that the list ranges from domestic to insane objectives, there is one item that slightly intrigues him—falling in love.

Mark Lee, at the age of 18, was dying. He’d undergone treatment for a long time, gotten better for a short period of time before his health plummeted and cancer proceeded to spread through his body. He was weaker than ever, physically and emotionally. He thought he’d come to terms with dying, he knew there was a chance of it happening, but he didn’t think it would happen so soon. After his one period of good health, he probably got it into his head that he might’ve actually had the chance of living a fulfilling life. At a point, everyone around him was just as hopeful as he had been. But the golden walls of that false reality came tumbling down to reveal the twisted reality he actually lived in. 

Mark Lee learned on May 16th that he only had a few months to live at best and it was more likely than not that a few months could mean only one. He learned that all of the hope and happiness he’d compiled in his short life would end so soon. He had so much he wanted to do, but the time was torn from his hands. He wanted to weep, but the tears wouldn’t come out. He had to keep face in front of his parents and didn’t want to cry in front of the doctor that always told him to stay strong.

The ride home was one of the longest he’d ever experienced. His parents tried to act happy for his sake, but Mark could tell that everything was eating at them as much as it ate at him, but he tried to smile for them. They deserved happiness because he was living a life that would soon end just to devastate those around him. He’d try to make his end easier for them as long as he could.

Upon arriving home, Mark went straight to the only thing that was able to comfort him. The only person more like. He quickly unlocked his phone with hands so shaky he was surprised he could type properly. He opened his messages and a flood of agony swallowed up his mind. Donghyuck was always punctual and knew just how long his usual appointments would last, he’d always made sure to send him a message inquiring about how his appointment went. Mark could bear with what he’d have to tell his friend this time, so he didn’t reply with more than:

‘Come over. Urgent.’

He let his phone fall into his lap as he flopped back onto his bed, struggling to settle himself under the sheets while he awaited a knock from his friend.

Today, the earthy wands of the trees, those limbs that stretch into the sky, bloomed many new buds that decorated themselves in polka-dots. They had shed their winter covers, the layers they sheltered within, and now bravely sought the sun, renewed in its brilliance. This day was too charming to go out with, and instead of taking advantage of it like most would, Donghyuck made the decision to stay indoors and burn a batch of perfectly shaped pastries that Mark would have enjoyed.

Or at least, could have.

He sighed in defeat and paused to admire the flowers outside that blossomed from the windowsill planter. It was a shame—he missed out on the moment to be a part of the transient beauty that the floral aroma released, but now they were poisoned with the overwhelming char of the desserts. He tore the oven mitts from his hands and tossed them onto the kitchen counter, groaning in exasperation as he brought a hand to rub the tension from his temples.

After a few moments of pacing around in the kitchen, Donghyuck’s ears perked up at the sound of an unanticipated whir from the dining table. He followed the sudden interruption and perceived his phone blinking from numerous notifications. It was to be expected, as he often neglected any sort of mobile communication when he was focused on certain tasks. He almost shrugged it off as he thought it could be another text from his coworker asking to take his shift again. However, he immediately swiped his phone from the table when he saw Mark Lee’s name emerged from the rest of the miscellaneous notices, with a message so direct and brief it made his stomach drop.

‘Come over. Urgent.’

Donghyuck’s eyes darted up to the time displayed on the corner of his screen: 3:47.

“Shit…” His jaw clenched rigidly under his breath and he ran a hand through his hair, almost yanking on it. Mark had to have been waiting at home for at least half an hour, and Donghyuck wasn’t supposed to arrive at his door empty-handed. His pacing resumed as he continued to grumble over the failed chocolate chip cookies, convincing himself that he could possibly go for a second attempt the following day. Mark wouldn’t mind the overdue present so long as he still received them.

Donghyuck’s aimless wandering then lead him straight into his bedroom, where he snatched his keys and jacket off of the dresser. He quickly made his way back into the living room where he shoved his phone in his back pocket and didn’t hesitate to bolt out the door.

“Mark! Fuck’s sake, open up!” Donghyuck shouted from the patio as he refused to stop his persistent pounding on the door. “Don’t make me break in! I’ll climb through your window if I have to!”

His phone vibrated in his pocket for the third time now, and since creating a public disturbance seemed futile and a waste of energy, he withdrew his phone and noticed that it was Mark that had called him multiple times. His name on the screen still glared at him, the phone buzzing in his hand nonstop.

Donghyuck brought the phone up to his ear, stepping off of the patio and taking a gander out in the neighborhood as though he expected to discover Mark strolling on the sidewalk.

“Mark, where the hell are you? I’ve been banging on your door for the past five minutes and nobody—”

“Bro…” Mark muttered from the other line, and Donghyuck couldn’t tell if he was half asleep or in a state of confusion.

“I left the door unlocked for you…”

Donghyuck whirled around and glanced up at Mark’s bedroom window, eyes squinting from the blinding sunlight that reflected off of the glass. He raised an arm to guard his eyes and caught his best friend staring back at him through the window, a curtain lifted over his head.

He huffed through the line and tilted his head in inquiry. “Really? You couldn’t come downstairs to tell me that?”

Mark sighed into the phone and moved from the window. His head was pounding and the longer he stood the more pain he was in. “You have the key anyway, dumbass, you could let yourself in even if it was locked.” All that was perceived on the other end of the phone call was an exasperated sigh from Donghyuck, who was in complete denial that he had clearly lost the key to his house again.

After the call disconnected, Mark once again curled up in his bed as pain swelled in his chest and anxiety built in his body. He was about to tell his best friend he was dying and the closer Donghyuck’s steps came, the tighter his throat became. He forced himself to sit up when the door opened and as soon as he saw his best friend’s face look at him in concern, Mark Lee allowed his tears to stream down his face as though flood gates had opened.

Donghyuck was quick to wrap his friend in his arms, and even though Mark should find comfort in his friend’s grasp, he only felt more pain. “It hurts so bad, Sookie.” He was able to get out between panicked breaths. “It hurts so fucking bad.”

Mark always felt bad for putting his friend through his breakdowns, but he was never able to stop them from happening. He wished so badly he could will the tears away from his eyes today, he wished he could just tell Donghyuck and get it over with, but he couldn’t stop as the sobs painfully wracked his system for all too long.

It took a long while to stop crying. He didn’t really calm down at all, just ran out of tears to spill. To his friend, his breakdown seemed to be ending, but  Mark felt like that had only been the beginning of several weeks worth of pain much worse.

“Dongsookie… I’m not gonna be here much longer.” Donghyuck’s head snapped toward him at neck-breaking speed asking him to repeat what he’d said.

It almost hurt more the second time. Telling Donghyuck he was dying and that there was nothing more anyone could do for him. Watching Donghyuck process all of the information as his face went through so many emotional changes was almost enough to make Mark cry again, but he couldn’t. "I thought I’d come to terms with dying long before this, but... I’m so fucking scared now, Sookie. I’m terrified.”

The desolation Donghyuck felt was all consuming. His mind became an icy wasteland that froze over his emotions. The wind howled in his soul and wrapped ill-bearing tentacles around his heart so tightly it almost ceased its irregular beating. He felt emotionally bankrupt. There was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped him in swirling blackness as he plummeted into the desk chair that sat behind him.

Mark Lee—his best friend since childhood—was dying. For as long as he could remember, all of the time they spent together was built off of mischievous phases that every grade school kid experienced. Flashbacks immediately flooded the catastrophic mindset he caught himself in—the Halloweens Donghyuck and Mark would spend vandalizing homes of people that nobody liked with spoiled eggs and low-quality toilet paper. He recalled the times when they would pull off harmless pranks on this one particular girl in fourth grade because they both had a crush on her. He could hear his mother scolding them both for bringing a muddy soccer ball and stained shoes into the house after a very wet day out in the park. Then afterward, she’d have a wave of guilt convince her into cooking them platters of spicy chicken and pork bulgogi. The list went on for what seemed like an eternity.

Either way, the laughter that coexisted in their lives were never ending and all of the treats they shared were wonderful. They were unforgettable moments that created such an imperfect but endearing childhood, all those simple days that seemed to go on and on, until today. And something foul had splintered inside Donghyuck.

“No.” Donghyuck bore his eyes into the clenched fists that pushed down on his knees. Tears were brimming in the corners of his eyes, his face the color of a brick, his voice cracking with a hard edge. His shoulders were tremendously heavy, weighing him down, leaving him almost paralyzed, but his head almost snapped as he looked at Mark with anger brewing in his chest, his face twisted with a venomous glare.

“This is bullshit,” he spat with a curt, clipped tone, almost snarling, “You were supposed to get better. You were supposed to beat this thing—beat this God awful misery that I spent years trying to helping you fight. I was always with you through all the stupid shit that came at us and now you’re just going to let it take you away from me?”

There was a slight drop in the air temperature—the descent of absolute silence.  Mark’s face had contorted into a look of distress, sadness hovering over his core and slithering into his chest, leaving his heart abandoned. There was a bitter taste sleeping on his tongue that he couldn’t control. There were blurry spots in the corners of his vision that he couldn’t choke back. It frightened him that sudden tears could burn his retinas and cause such a displeasing wave to wash over him, one that made him shudder all over his body. It only took all of the effort he could muster to tame the aches he endured, yet they were aggravated. Never so desperately had Mark wanted to recoil into his bed and shrivel into dust.

“Dongsookie,” Mark gasped, his restless hands curling and loosening out of agitation, unconsciously gripping a handful of bed sheets.

“I never had a choice in this—I didn’t decide to die because I wanted to. You fucking knew this could happen, so what the fuck is your problem?!”

He trembled as he was brave enough to bring himself to a stand, his legs almost failing beneath but they somehow kept a steadfast stance. The raw agony that shot up his back made him flinch, the memory of Donghyuck’s words impaling him as though a javelin took him as prey.  Suddenly, the distorted view of Donghyuck’s horrified expression slowly came into focus. He was seething at the slight remorse that he could already sense in the excruciatingly thick atmosphere.

“I’m dying and you act like it’s my fault...” Mark murmured under his raspy breath. The quivering never stopped. It was as though the cancer cells had already annexed his entire system and the only thing left to do was to gulp down all of his fears as a temporary coping mechanism.

But Mark was destroyed. Never had he felt so many emotions that secluded  him into a void that he couldn’t describe, and all he could do was cast his gaze onto the ground and his eyes darkened—almost black like the void that couldn’t be filled.

He glanced back up at Donghyuck, only to glower at him in rage.

“Screw you, Donghyuck.”

And all at once, he felt his heart rate pick up in erratic spikes. The words that filled his head persisted him to continue the spillage of his uncontrollable emotions. They were twisted with an unfamiliar hate that nearly consumed Mark if only there wasn’t a certain innocence that was portrayed in Donghyuck’s eyes.

The sight of those bittersweet chocolate eyes immediately squeezed his throat and compressed his chest shut.  He was now in a coughing fit, one that let out ugly rattles from his lungs. His head spun as catching his breath became more and more difficult. Mark clutched at his core, his wheezes leaving his throat with little to no respiration, and his vision was blotched with white spots that began to engulf his conscious. There was a numbness that spread throughout his entire body, which didn’t take long to collapse onto the ground, and after a couple of moments where Mark lost his ability to breathe, the whites of his eyes had rolled back into his head, where everything suddenly turned black.

Mark was balled up on the floor when he came to, his parents quite unsettled as they struggled to help him onto his bed. His mother became uneasy as she demanded for answers, or at least any sign of confirmation that he was okay to lie down and rest, but Mark was too distracted to answer, as he blankly stared at the wall in front of him that created a canvas for his thoughts to freely roam. He made the assumption that his parents had just missed Donghyuck’s presence, as his eyes scanned the room and outside the window, only to realize that he was nowhere to be found.

Mark was more so struck in dismay that his best friend had left him isolated and dejected without warning, a pain that Donghyuck had never inflicted him with before. His heart sank and he did his best to silence the returning tears. Still quietly wheezing, Mark used up all of the energy he had left, silently dismissing his parents as he forced his body into a deep, well-needed slumber. One that he hoped could last for a very long time.

Donghyuck stormed through his front door in a tumult of sweat and tears, not noticing that he had startled his mother, who was in the kitchen and had jumped with a frantic yelp upon hearing the door suddenly burst open.  He halted in her presence, immediately turning away in hopes of concealing the vulnerability that was clearly written all over him. The panting, however, didn’t go away, and the only time it’d stop was to desperately fill his lungs with fresh air. At this rate, Donghyuck’s mother would’ve been a fool to have missed the sniffles and stifling sobs coming from her own son.

“Donghyuck.” Her tone was tense, yet full of concern, and if it wasn’t for the memories of his family with Mark and his parents flooding back into his mind, he wouldn’t have given in and faced her, revealing the tears that cleansed his red cheeks. Few droplets remained, forgetting their way as the path was swept from beneath them, consequently blurring Donghyuck’s vision with episodes of torment and anguish.

“Mom…” He blinked back his briny tears, “I’m sorry for making a mess in the kitchen. I’ll clean up before curfew, I promise.”

This was not the first time Donghyuck cried in front of his mother, especially since Mark’s terminal illness was diagnosed. He could not help but bury his blotched face into his hands, especially when the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. He was as hollow as Mark—he could feel the same emptiness that drove them both into a state of denial that life could be so cruel. They used to have this childish spirit that cherished everything, that sought to bring joy to themselves and to appreciate the laughter they bestowed in one another.

Now it was gone. Mark’s life was crumbling in his fingertips as the miserable years went by. So there and then, when Donghyuck’s mother approached him with hands caressing his face that was hot to the touch, his lashes brimmed heavy with tears, his lips trembling and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. He suddenly crashed into her arms, sobbing endlessly.

“My Donghyuck… You know that’s not important.” His mother planted his head on her shoulder, hands gently stroking his hair.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she said, “I can’t bear to see you so miserable.”

When Donghyuck wept, there was a gut-wrenching sound to it, like the pain was still an open wound. He clasped tightly onto his mother’s sleeves for support, and his whole body shook from the cries that would constantly trap itself in his throat.

“Mark—,” he gasped, “Mark’s not okay—he...”

The muffled sobs wracked against his chest. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste of his salty tears, the smell of his mother’s clothes. Everything evaporated. The last painful scene of Mark plummeting to the ground slammed against him before he melted from the wave of exhaustion that washed over him.

“It’s okay,” his mother whispered, “Don’t say anymore.”

For a moment, Donghyuck thought he felt a deep sigh from her softly humming against his body, as though his grief had rubbed off on his mother. It only strangled his heart tighter, the stress pounding more blood into his head. The desire he had to tell his mother everything wasn’t enough for him to spill out the entire truth.

“I’m awful.” He could barely whimper the words he’d muster out. “I left him there, Mom. He said he didn’t have much time, and I just left him. I couldn’t stay to listen. I didn’t want to hear it.”

He couldn’t control his rambling any longer, and as Donghyuck wept, his breath struggled to collect itself.

“It’s not fair,” he cried, “I never got to do everything he wanted to do. I’m never going to see all of the places he wanted to visit.”

Donghyuck slowly withdrew himself from his mother’s embrace, with loud heaving sobs tearing from his throat. He kept his faint, yet unwavering gaze still with her, searching for any signs of hope in her distraught eyes.   

“Please let me wake up from this nightmare,” he pleaded, his legs almost giving in, “I don’t want to be here anymore. Not in a world without him. Please, Mom.”

But all she could offer was a lone tear that traced down her cheek, followed by a sniffle—a sign that she had the ability to take away some of the weight Donghyuck had sustained all this time.

“Honey.” A brief chuckle broke out from a warm smile that was plastered on her face. “You’re only this way because you care. But you’re still young, and you must learn to accept that this is how life will be for us. We have no choice but to continue living it, with or without our little Mark.”

Her thumb grazed against his swollen eyes. They looked as though an ocean had been encased inside of small glass marbles that appeared to be cracked. She brushed off the remnants of the ocean that had leaked and left tracks down his rosy cheeks.

“He wants you to be happy when he’s away, so you must make the most of it when you’re with him, okay? Promise me that.”

Donghyuck’s lips strained to exhibit a half-hearted smile—a mask he was more than accustomed to constantly wear in order to escape from his stubborn denial. The blue feeling washed in an unwanted wave of despondency, knocking his ambitious sandcastles flat. He still couldn’t accept that Mark was really on a time limit, and for how long was virtually unknown. The wish for him to remain in the same space he breathed in filled him with such rage and bitterness. It was as though Donghyuck was the time bomb that was nearly at its end, not Mark. What could he do—was he supposed to reconstruct the sandcastles from scratch? How could he do so, when Mark was the bucket that created the foundation of his structure? He stood in the dimly lit hallway with his mother, his head hung low. The sadness still lingered, but it was no longer raw—it was now an empty unhappiness, the kind he knew would not lift easily.

Moments of needed silence passed as Donghyuck was sent to his bedroom by his mother, who insisted that he’d call it an early night and that they would finish Mark’s cookies first thing in the morning. He reluctantly obeyed, as he discovered himself sprawled out on the carpet near his bed, staring up at the blank ceiling that seemed to have drawn him into another universe. All of the noise disappeared in an instant. He felt like he was stuck between two realities: one that was imperfect without Mark, but real. The other being a vision where he pictured himself reliving his childhood with Mark and their families, the one he longed himself to be a part of again for an eternity, where their hearts would be brimming with joy and episodes of constant euphoria.

“Wait…” Donghyuck mumbled to himself, descending his thoughts from the clouds. Suddenly his stomach dropped when a rush of realization passed through him.

Reliving their childhood together?

His body didn’t hesitate to jolt upright as Donghyuck scrambled on all fours, hastily crawling towards his closet. He hands ran through numerous items piled together in the enclosed space, mainly boxes packed with old projects from his middle school days. As he sifted and sorted through stacks of nostalgia, his eyes darted through each and every single paper he came across, on the lookout for a certain style of handwriting that only he and his best friend could recognize. By the time Donghyuck was dissecting his third box, the blood that had been vigorously coursing throughout his body suddenly plunged straight into his ears.

A single piece of paper, one that could change Donghyuck’s entire mindset on the matter that had been eating away at him for as long as he could remember. He delicately retracted the sheet that was covered with Mark’s juvenile handwriting scribbled in every space and corner. A flower was blooming in his chest, a hopeful one. It came from a wilted bud that was seeded deep inside, and it didn’t take long to light up his eyes and spread across every limb that was attached to his body. He could already imagine the elation in his alternate universe.

This is it, he thought. He could relive his happiest moments with Mark.

And for the first time in a long while, Donghyuck smiled.

Mark didn’t know what time it was or how long he’d even been sleeping when he was vigorously shaken awake. “Mark,” a harsh whisper pierced his ringing ears. “Mark Lee, wake up.” He sighed and slowly turned over in bed to face Donghyuck, looking entirely different from their last encounter.

“What...” Mark croaked out, feeling razors shredding down his throat.

“Hey, I know I’m a huge fucking jerk, Markie. But look at this,” Donghyuck shoved a piece of paper toward him, and in the dark Mark could vaguely make out his youthful handwriting.

“My bucket list?” Donghyuck shook his head and plopped himself next to Mark, making the bed jump slightly. “What about it? I was like fourteen when we sat down to make that… It’s probably full of some stupid shit I already got to do through Make a Wish.”

“Then make a new one. Right now. We’ll start tomorrow.” He seemed excited, but Mark honestly couldn’t muster up the same excitement, and upon noticing his mood, Donghyuck’s shoulders fell. “It’s cause of me, right? I know I screwed up. I got angry at you and exploded at you for something you can’t control and are dealing with first hand. I’m really, really sorry Mark. I just didn’t think I’d ever actually lose you. I thought we’d always get to be together.”

Mark relaxed slightly upon his friend's words, but couldn’t muster up more than a deep sigh. He was confused and scared. A bucket list is for people really dying, and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to reject the idea. He could ignore the pain and the fact he really was going to die, but living his days as normal and bland as possible, not like every day could be his last. “What makes you think it’s such a good idea, Sookie?” He questioned and looked to his hands in his lap, curling them together to avoid looking at how boney his hands and wrists had grown. “Look at me, I’m skin and bones. I’ll be a skeleton in weeks. It wouldn’t be fun for you to have to haul me everywhere looking like that. My doctors are sending my parents a wheelchair so they have it for me when my legs go out. I’ll be dead weight, literally.”

Silence filled the room and Mark looked up just to make sure Donghyuck hadn’t bolted again. Surely enough he was still sitting next to him, eyes drilling into Mark’s now that they were face to face. “Are you done talking silly?”

“Uh, I mean, I guess?”

“Good. Mark Lee, have you already forgotten that I will always look after you, for however long it is I need to. Through thick and thin, now life and death, I’ll be by your side. We’re best friends. I’m not gonna leave you to rot in your room.” Mark’s breath hitched while his friend spoke, his chest getting tight with emotion once again. “Now get up, you have a list to revise and it’s time to start making some plans. We’ve got work for a lifetime set up in front of us.”

Mark hung his head, willing the tears his friend had brought to his eyes before pushing himself out of bed to sit by his desk. “Give me an hour,” Mark grumbled, snatching the paper with fake annoyance and quickly getting to work.

An hour turned into two, but Mark had finished the quickly revised bucket list. It took a lot of time and thought originally, but fourteen-year-old Mark had all of the time in the world to think stuff over. He had to finish all of his deep thinking in a night in hopes to finish at least half the list while he still had time.

As Donghyuck laid on his bed, now fully asleep, Mark read all of his bullet points again and thought about one more item to add. It was cheesy—really fucking cheesy and yet it drew more tears to his eyes as he shakily jotted it down at the very bottom of the list. He felt dumb for getting so emotional over something that could’ve never happen in his life anyway, but thinking about how he’d never get to experience it kind of tore him apart. He roughly tried to pull himself together yet again in the past eighteen hours and succeeded after a few minutes of thought processing.

He put the pen down atop the paper and slowly made his way towards his bed, where he gently nudged his friend to move over so he could sleep at his side. He looked at Donghyuck, whose soft complexion was bathed in the sheer moonlight that snuck through the curtains. Mark pasted a small smile on his face as he was relieved enough to rest his eyes shut, knowing Donghyuck wasn’t going anywhere. If his last days were going to be spent with anyone, his closest friend was the best choice—even if the road ahead would be as difficult as ever.  

[whumphoarder]

Poison Apple - Ned’s POV

Chapter summary: Ned’s point of view while Peter is unconscious.

(This story will not make much sense unless you’ve read Poison Apple, so please do so first!)

Genre: Angst, serious illness

Link to read on Ao3

A/N: By request of @spider-man-stan <3

Up until about an hour ago, Ned had been having a pretty good day.

His mom had cooked pancakes for breakfast, the autumn weather could not be more gorgeous, he’d found a twenty dollar bill in his coat pocket from last year, and this current field trip meant he was missing gym class when they were right in the middle of a brutal circuit training unit. Not to mention the farm has a petting zoo and so he’s gotten to pet like, twelve goats.

And Ned fricken’ loves goats.

Then his best friend had collapsed to the ground in the middle of a corn field and it had suddenly become the worst day.

It takes a second for Ned to register what’s happening. Peter is blinking rapidly and jerking his head. Then his eyes roll back and his muscles start to twitch—slow at first, and then faster until Peter’s whole body is jerking rhythmically on the muddy ground.

The odd thing is that even after Ned’s brain identifies it as a seizure, the panic doesn’t come right away. Instead, a strange thought pops into his head—it’s too quiet for this to be happening. Someone needs to play some dramatic music or something because the calm background sounds of the birds chirping and the breeze rustling the tree leaves don’t fit at all with the image of Peter’s convulsing body on the ground.

Then the panic rushes in.

“Peter?” Ned gasps. “Oh god, Peter!” He drops to his knees next to his seizing friend and desperately tries to remember back to his eighth grade J-term first aid elective. He knows he’s not supposed to hold the person down or stick anything in their mouth, but he’s blanking on what he’s actually supposed to do. 

He settles for calling Mr. Stark instead.

Tony picks up on the fourth ring. “Shouldn’t you be in social studies right now, kid?” he says in lieu of greeting.

Ned’s words all come tumbling out in an anxious muddle. “Mr. Stark, sir! Please, you’ve gotta help us!”

“Who is this?” Tony asks sharply. “Why do you have Peter’s phone?”

“This is Ned Leeds, sir—I’m a friend of Peter Parker,” Ned explains quickly. “But something’s really wrong with him! It’s like he’s been poisoned or something? MJ thinks it’s pesticide! I don’t know, he got really sick and wasn’t breathing right and now I think he’s having a seizure!”

“What the hell?” Tony demands. Ned can hear a lot of movement on the other end of the line now. “Where are you?”

“We’re at a farm in Queens, but I’m not totally sure where because we’re kinda lost in a corn maze right now.”

“Why are you in a—” Tony starts, but then cuts himself off. “Never mind—I’m tracking the phone. Is he still seizing?”

“I think it’s ending now,” Ned replies. Peter’s twitching is beginning to die down. His eyes are still rolled back but he’s starting to make gasping noises. “But he’s not breathing too good. Like he wasn’t before either but—”

“Roll him on his side,” Tony instructs. “Keep the airway open. I’m on my way—ETA ten minutes—and I’ve got a med team flying in to meet us. Think you can keep him hanging in there that long?”

Ned hurries to roll Peter over. The gasping continues. “Just hurry, please!” he begs.

“I’m coming,” Tony promises before disconnecting the call.

X

After being out about a minute, Peter gradually comes back around. He flops himself onto his back with a moan, eyelids fluttering but still incoherent.

Ned starts shaking him by the shoulders. “Peter?” he begs. “Peter? Hey, you with me?”

Peter lets out another groan before his breath hitches and he gags. Ned can see bits of partially digested food and bile filling his friend’s mouth and the gasping noise changes to gargling.

“Oh god! Oh shit, oh my god!” Ned cries. He has never been good with vomit—usually he’s throwing up right along with the sick person. But something comes over him and right now there is only one thought running through his brain: Peter isn’t breathing.

Quickly, Ned rolls his choking friend back onto his side. The vomit starts spilling out down Peter’s shirt and onto the ground. Without even pausing to think, Ned shoves his fingers in Peter’s mouth and starts clearing the rest out. It’s hot and gross and it makes his own stomach lurch and his breakfast begin to rise in the back of his throat, but Ned swallows it back down because he doesn’t have the luxury of being sick right now. Peter needs air.

Tears are slipping down Ned’s cheeks. “Breathe, Peter! You gotta b-breathe!” he implores.

Finally, Peter gasps and Ned chokes out a sob because it’s the sweetest sound he has ever heard.

But only a few short breaths later, Peter’s body goes rigid and his eyes roll back in his head and Ned is left sitting there helpless once again.

X

This seizure lasts longer. Peter’s body thrashes on the ground for nearly three minutes, white foam frothing up out of his mouth.

Ned calls MJ this time, begging her to come, to bring someone, to do something, anything. He’s never felt so alone.

Her voice comes back breathless—she’s been sprinting through the maze to find them for the past several minutes already. Ned checks the time on his phone and wills Mr. Stark to come faster.

X

When the convulsions finally cease, Peter’s not choking this time, but he doesn’t seem to be breathing either. His lips are an awful shade of blue and he isn’t moving.

In pure panic, Ned calls Mr. Stark again.

“He’s not breathing!” he blurts into the phone before Tony can say a word. “He had another seizure and now he’s not breathing!”

Tony curses. “Do you know CPR?” he demands.

Ned wants to cry. He racks his brain and fuzzy images of the brief resuscitation unit from that class start to emerge. He wishes he’d paid more attention—spent less time making fun of the dummy and goofing off with the bandage rolls, but it’s too late for that now.

“I can try?” is what he chokes out in response.

“Good man,” Tony encourages. “Listen, I’m almost there—I can see the farm.”

Rolling Peter back to his back, Ned locks his fingers together and steels himself to start compressions, tears pricking at his eyes.

But that’s as far as he gets before Peter’s body starts jerking again.

X

Tony and Michelle arrive at almost the same moment, just as Peter’s third seizure is dying down. The second Tony’s feet touch down on the ground, he’s retracting his helmet and racing to Peter’s side.

“I’m taking over now,” Tony says as he drops to his knees beside the unconscious boy. “You did good, kid.”

That’s when Ned completely loses it. He stumbles back to his feet and moves a few yards away from Peter before retching half-digested pancakes onto the dirt path in between sobs. Tony’s praise echos in his ears—You did good, kid. But he hasn’t done good, his mind screams—he hasn’t done anything. He’s been fucking useless this entire time, watching his best friend die before his eyes.

Michelle comes over and places a hand on his back. She’s trying to talk to him, but he’s not really hearing her. He’s trembling all over and his brain is somehow too loud and too fuzzy all at once.

Tony lifts Peter in his arms and rockets them both out, leaving Ned and Michelle where they stand.

X

Michelle guides Ned back out of the maze. They’re moving along at a good pace, but nothing about the journey back seems real. He can see her hand on his arm, but he can’t feel it there, just like he can see her lips moving occasionally but can’t register any of the words coming out. He feels like a zombie.

When they finally emerge from the maze, Mr. Harrington and the rest of the class instantly converge on them. Lips are moving everywhere he looks, but Ned hears none of it.

Michelle doesn’t stop—just continues pushing Ned along ahead of her all the way over to a waiting sports car. She guides him to sit down on the backseat and then buckles him in.

The driver—Happy, he recognizes from the times he’s seen Peter get picked up from school—exchanges a few words with her. Then MJ shuts the door and a moment later, Happy drives away.

X

The shock doesn’t really wear off until Ned is back at the compound and has been assured by multiple people that Peter, though currently on a ventilator, is still very much alive. A team of doctors has identified the toxin and they’re treating him now. He’s going to be okay.

When FRIDAY's voice finally comes over the speakers informing him that Peter is awake and able to see him now, Ned nearly knocks down Doctor Cho in his rush to the Medbay doors.

For more Ned & Peter whump, try Ned the Dumbwaiter!

Fic Masterlist

[artlessictoan]

May I request some yodochou

dear nonny, you may aLWAYS request yodochou!

(femslash feb requestsopen all month!)

—

YodoChou - Concert

—

Chouchou frowned as she studied her reflection, twisting andspinning and still not finding what she was looking for.

It might’ve helped if she’d actually known what that was exactly, but,unfortunately, she’d been relying on instinct to guide her. Instincts sheapparently didn’t possess.

Groaning, she stopped trying to twist her neck a fullone-hundred and eighty degrees to see her back, instead flopping down on herbed face-first. She had to move just a few seconds later, sitting upright sothat the multitude of metal spikes decorating her leather jacket would stopdigging into her skin.

Needless to say, her ‘punk’ experiment was a resoundingfailure.

She couldn’t see how anyonecould find this comfortable… well, anyone except Yodo, who had presumably emergedfrom the womb with steel-toe boots already clad, kicking in the teeth of thepoor bastard delivering her.

Chouchou stared at the reflection before her, of a woeful girldressed in ill-fitting leather, denim that was more hole than fabric and tackyfishnet sleeves and tights, draped in enough metal chains and spikes that shecould probably make herself a serviceable suit of armour, who couldn’t lookmore out-of-place and uncomfortable if she tried. There was entirely too muchblack in this outfit, had punks never heard of accent colours? And how the fuckwas it that all the things that made her heart pound and cheeks burn when hercrush wore them, just made her look like an angsty teenager trying way too hard to piss of her parents.

This was the last time she went to Inojin for advice.

She would’ve spent even longer wallowing in misery, had herphone not chosen that moment to go off. Not bothering to tear her gaze awayfrom her miserable reflection, she blindly swatted the bed behind her until herhand closed around hard plastic and brought the mobile to her face, frowning atthe way the movement the half-dozen chains hanging from her sleeves jangle andclink.

“Yeah?”

“Hey girl-” Yodo’s scratchy voice immediately brought asmile to her face “-you sound fuckin’ dismal, not to worry though, I’m here nowto wash all your worries away! So hurry up and lemme in.”

Immediately jumping to her feet, she was almost out the doorbefore the rattling of metal stopped her in her tracks. Chouchou glanced backat her mirror, grimacing at the state she was in. “Actually… now’s not a greattime, maybe come back in like, fifteen minutes?”

“Whaaaat, no way! C’mon it’s freezing out here and it’d take me more than that just to walkhome.”

She toyed with the hem of her frayed t-shirt, wondering iffacing her best friend’s wrath would be better or worse than her hystericallaughter. “Then get me some sweets from the shop?”

“Hell no!”

“I’ll pay you back,” she rushed to say, already fighting toshrug off the jacket, but only succeeding in getting her arm caught in one ofthe many unnecessary straps hanging from it, “just gimme ten minutes to change…”The faint rip as she struggled against fabric almost made her want to scream.

And the slam of a heavy door made her want to cry.

“Too late-” Yodo’s voice now came from inside the house,slightly muffled by walls and doors, with an unsettling echo from the phone “-alreadypicked the lock, thought I told ya to get a deadbolt?” The footsteps creepingever closer had Chouchou panicking as she tried to both shed the goddamned jacket and lean against the doorat the same time. “Hey, you listenin’ to me? You better say if you’re nakedright no-” the door swung open, but came to a jarring halt as it collided withher back “-the fuck? Really?”

Chouchou shoved it back, though the resistance from theother side was extreme. “I told you not to come in!”

“An’ I ignored you.” Another shove, she had to drop herphone to fight it. “What’s wrong with you today?” She grunted as Yodo made afull-body slam against the door. “I’ve got two brothers, you ain’t winnin’ thisbattle.”

“Don’t care, just go sit in the kitchen while I get dressed!”

There was a long pause, though the pressure against her didn’tlet up for a second, before she heard a sigh and the crackling of plastic. Shewas just about to try for another push when a skinny hand slipped through thecrack between the door and its frame, handles of a plastic bag coming with it,though the main bulk of it remained trapped behind the door. “I already boughtsweets on my way here…”

She stared hard at the bag, mind rushing with all possibleoutcomes. “What kind?” Chouchou muttered, mentally cursing her unquenchableappetite.

“Gummies and chocolate raisins for you, sugar almonds and sourcandy for me.”

Her head made a heavy clunk as she slammed it back againstthe wood. “Ok, fine, but you’re notallowed to laugh, got it?”

“Yup, now lemme in!” Yodo shouted, already pushing againstthe door again.

Shaking her head, Chouchou carefully stepped back, catchingit before it could slam into her dresser. Her crush stumbled slightly, but wasquick to regain her footing and give her an intense up-and-down. She tried notto fidget under those hard, green eyes, instead focusing on Yodo’s expression,trying to gauge her reactions before the inevitable laughter.

The expected widening of eyes, her mouth dropping into atiny ‘o’ for a few seconds, before her lips pulled back as she tried – and failed– to conceal a smirk, a tiny shaking of shoulders and faint snort.

She sighed, rolling her eyes as she snatched the bag fromYodo’s slack grip, collapsing back onto her bed, before remembering why thatwas a terrible idea and dragging herself back up. “I told you not to laugh.”

“I ain’t laughing!” she said, utterly failing to sound likeshe wasn’t laughing.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Chouchou mumbled, digging for hersweets in crinkling plastic, “just thought I’d try and get into the spirit ofthings for the concert, but clearly punk is notmy style.” She didn’t bother to mention that she’d also hoped that maybeappealing to her secret crush’s taste in fashion might get her to see her in anew, more alluring, light.

Yodo finally released the laugh that she’d been holding back,but surprisingly it was more of a chuckle than the howling cackle she’d beenexpecting. The blonde jumped next to her, playfully shoving their shoulderstogether. “C’mon, it ain’t that bad, you’ve kinda got the right ide-”

Her words cut off suddenly, leaning back to study her a littlecloser; Chouchou chewed on a gummy snake and raised a brow.

“Actually,” Yodo said, leaping up and marching over to herfriend’s wardrobe, “Let’s see, no, no…”

Watching the short woman as she rifled though her things, noteven bothering to complain when she started throwing tops to the floor as shesearched – her dad had been trying to train her out of her messiness for over adecade with little success, Chouchou wasn’t even going to bother – just casuallyworking through her treats, wondering why the fuck she found that scrawny assso attractive.

Finally, she seemed to have found what she was after,throwing a t-shirt and skirt over her head. “’ere, change into this, keep thetights and boots though.”

Rolling her eyes, she escaped from the fabric and startedshuffling out of the distressed skinny jeans she had on. She didn’t worry aboutbeing watched, as her friend had already flopped down on the mattress and wasentertaining herself with her sugared almonds, besides, she wouldn’t reallymind if she did want to look…

The next twenty minutes was a flurry of changing tops until Yodowas satisfied, then she was ordered to sit still as she worked on her makeupand hair, singing along to her favourite rock playlist the whole time.

When she was finally allowed to look at herself again, she’dbeen completely transformed.

She stared for a long moment, then walked right up to themirror as though that would somehow make her reflection change to what she actually looked like, because there wasno way she could ever look so… badass.

“Oh.” She stepped back again, just to properly admire theway that her skirt – the long velvet one she’d never found an excuse toactually wear before – hugged her hips, the high slit revealing a long, toned,fishnet-clad leg, how her bright, jewel green crop top showed off a generousamount of skin, and added a splash of colour under the jacket she’d so hated justhalf an hour ago – though the fact that her friend had somehow managed toremove half the needless metal from it probably had something to do with that. “I…look fucking hardcore, damn girl, underall the studs and eyeliner you’re actually a total fashionista, aren’t cha?”

There was no reply.

Glancing over her shoulder, she was about to say something,but the way her crush was staring at her, jaw hanging open, eyes unfocused andcheeks definitely darker than usual stoppedher dead.

Yodo, upon realising that she was being spoken too, finally managedto unfreeze. “Uhh… oh! Shit! We’re gonna miss the show if we don’t get goin’! C’monlazy-butt, race ya!” She fled the room like she would flee from the scene ofher pranks, rather pointedly not looking back at her.

She couldn’t have stopped the wide grin stretching acrossplum-painted lips if she’d tried. Maybe Inojin knew what he was talking aboutafter all…

—

[michael-hearteyes-wheeler]

45 with Mileven please!!!!!!!!!! Or maybe 117 with El and Max because I really want them to be friends and i think it would be so cute?????? Thank you I love you!

117: “Can I do your hair?”

“Oh my god, El! I'm so excited!” Nancy squealed, pulling a very reluctant Eleven in for a hug. “Your first real sleepover! It's going to be so fun I have the entire night planned out.”

Nancy had been running around her bedroom for almost an hour, straightening things up and pushing furniture out of the way to make room for sleeping bags on the floor. The older girl had been practically over the moon about this entire thing since the moment El agreed to it.

Eleven still wasn't very keen on whole situation. Sure it sounded fun enough to have a ‘girls night’ with Nancy, but El didn't know that that meant there would actually be other girls, or rather one other girl in particular.

Max and El were still on uncertain terms. The fiery haired girl had tried a number of times to get through to El, but she just would budge. She had spent an entire year alone missing her friends so badly that it physically hurt and now here was this new girl to take her place. The truth was that El was jealous, even if she didn't know it.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang downstairs. El groaned and flopped back on nancy's bed.

“Oh come on, shes not that bad.” Nancy scolded playfully. “Will you go get the door?”

El groaned louder this time, but begrudgingly headed downstairs. El opened the door slowly and gave Max a half-hearted smile. She was almost pleased to see that Max looked just as uncomfortable, skateboard in one hand, overnight bag in the other.

“Hey, El.” She said weakly. El said nothing but stepped aside to let the girl in.

They both made their way upstairs to find a nosey Mike peeking out at them from his bedroom door. He blushed and slammed his door closed again. He had been given a strict warning from Nancy that this was a girls only sleepover and there were no boys, brothers, or boyfriends allowed. Since he was all three is was tripply confined to his room.

Despite the awkward tension, the night continued on without incident. They watched a few romantic comedies that Nancy liked, and one slasher flick that Max had brought. They ate popcorn, drank soda, painted their nails, and even played a couple rounds of truth or dare. It seemed like everyone was having a decent time.

As it got later, and the girls settled into Nancy's room, the conversation quickly became less playful and more serious.

Nancy opened up about her relationship with Jonathan, giving the younger girls advice they would surely come to need later. Max briefly went into her situation at home, and her asshole step-brother. Even El spoke up about her year in isolation, and the pain that it caused her.

“That must have been really hard.” Max said earnestly, reaching out and putting a hand on Els shoulder.

The sudden contact while feeling so vulnerable made El uneasy. She shifted away from max with a bit more malice than she may have intended, pushing the girls hand off of her shoulder and curling her legs into her chest.

Max was shocked. Here she was trying to be nice, and lend some support, and what did she get in return? A big fat cold shoulder. She snapped, her fiery temper taking over.

“El why do you hate me so much!?” She demanded. El shot her a confused glance, and then looked to Nancy for support

“I... dont hate you.” El replied sheepishly.

“Then why are you rude to me all the time?” Max crossed her arms.

“I... I wasn't trying to be rude.”

“Well you sure as hell weren't trying to be nice!”

El considered the girl for a moment, trying to find the right words to express how she felt. She really didn't hate Max, far from it actually. Tonight had proved that they had a lot in common, and that they could get along pretty well if they tried, but it just felt so foreign.

“I was just...” She searched for the right word. “Jealous.”

“Jealous? Of me? You have got to be kidding.” Max scoffed.

El nodded, curling further into herself, avoiding eye contact.

“That is seriously the stupidest thing I have ever heard.” Max laughed but her words made El want to cry. “Because from the moment I met the guys all they did was talk about you. You are literally a superhero, and when you arent being a jerk you are actually really nice and funny And on top of all of that youre gorgeous! So get over yourself and stop acting like a brat!” Max stood up from her spot on the bed and towered over El.

El looked at the girl incredulously. She was stunned, it was difficult to believe the things Max was saying, and that despite her yelling, she was actually being nice. She wasn't a threat to El or her friendships with the boys at all, she was just trying to fit in herself.

“Seriously, I could never replace you and I would never want to. I like you, El. And I want to be your friend too.” Max smiled at her.

“I want to be your friend too.” El straightened up and smiled back.

“God i'm glad you too are finally over that, it was so lame.” Nancy giggeled. The three girls fell into a fit of laughter, El threw a piece of popcorn at max, and she threw a milk dud in retaliation.

Suddenly something make into Els mind that had been bothering her for awhile. Something about Max that had always made her burn with envy was her long beautiful red hair, and the way it flowed in the breeze.

“Max?” She asked, suddenly nervous. Max turned to her and raised an eyebrow. “Now that we are friends...... CANIDOYOURHAIR?” She blurted the last words out after a beat of silence.

Max stared back completely shell shocked. “What?”

“Can... Can I do your hair?” El asked sheepishly.

After everything, all this girl had been through, a year of isolation, defeating monsters and saving the world, she was scared to ask if she could braid her friends hair?

“Uh... yeah sure.” Max scooted across the floor to sit in front of a trembling El. Nancy rolled off of her bed laughing so hard and practically choked on her candy.

El got to work tugging and pulling the girls long copper hair, twisting it the way Nancy had taught her. Max occasionally winced in pain would El would tug to hard, or would twist a strand to far. El was silent, focusing hard on her work and relishing how beautiful Max’s hair was up close. It took almost an hour, and a lot of tries, but El finally got Max's hair into two neet braids.

“I have always wanted to do that.” El said, taking a step back to admire her work.

“Really?” Max asked, turning to look in the mirror at her new look. “Well if it means so much to you then when your hair gets to be as long as mine, Ill braid yours too.”

El beamed excitedly, eyes wide and content, it meant more to her than Max could know.

“I'm glad we are friends.” El said quietly.

“I’m glad we're friends too.”

Thank you for your request! This was difficult to write, but it was a good challenge. Send me Mileven requests! 

[sicklylittlesnowflake]

Could u do a riverdale fix where jellybean comes back to visit but jughead gets really sick and try's to hide it from her but she finds out anyway and takes care of him?

(Omfg let me tell u how much I loved this prompt. This was some good shit!! One of my fav tropes is older brother who loves his lil sibling and hates showing his weaker side!!! Also, this took a while, and I’m sorry, because I lost track and this ended up longer than expected! So sorry for the delay!)

There were three and a half things that made Jughead happy, the stars in his dark night sky of a life. Archie Andrews, Burgers, his dad half of the time, and of course, his beautiful sister, Jellybean.

Jughead was no stranger to misfortunes and heartache. His life was just a series of unfortunate events and emotional turmoil. With his father in jail, and undeservedly so,  at least not for that much time, in his opinion, and him feeling unwanted in the Andrews house, his mother basically telling him to fuck off, and his increasingly worsening depression and anxiety.

Jughead could barely get out of bed (or rather the garage couch) these days, and only really left when Archie came over worried out of his mind.  He just felt so empty and lonely, despite Archie being there. He appreciated Archie, he really did, and was so grateful for this ray of sunshine but his heart was yearning for family.

When his phone rang at a strange hour, he expected some wrong number of some sort. However, when he heard the sound of a sweet, little girl’s voice Jughead felt this surge of happiness that he hadn’t felt in so long, and in that second he felt whole.

“Juggie?! This better be you because I stole this number off mom–”

“Yes, yes, JB, it’s me, it’s me!”

They spent the night talking and catching up–Jughead just cherishing the sound of her voice, like it could all just disappear from him again. He listened to her stories about random things, new shows she liked, whatever. He had missed her so much; he had always been aware of the hole in his heart from her absence, but he had only realised the size of it in that moment. He had been so afraid of losing her, one of the few things that made him happy, and he was sure he was losing her but she was right here. She was here, and tears started to trickle down his cheeks, and for the first time in forever they were tears of joy.

It took Jellybean three consecutive nights of screaming and crying, but it was finally decided she would take the long weekend to see Jughead.

Of course, Jughead’s mom refused to come, some excuse about work, but of course Jughead knew it wasn’t about that. However, he wasn’t even thinking about his mom, because he was too busy thinking about Jellybean.

Fred was off doing something for work that weekend, so he offered to let Jellybean use his room whilst he was gone. Archie had been helping Jughead plan activities and foods to buy, and what movies to watch. Each day leading up to the Friday Evening she’d arrive was agonisingly slow. It was like Jughead’s life was actually cooperating.

But of course on the Thursday, Jughead woke up at 4 in the morning to a relentless and never ending sneezing fit.

Archie was up in an instant, grabbing a box of tissues from his drawer, a few left from the last time Jughead was sick (which wasn’t too long ago, at all) and offered them to him once the fit had ended.

Jughead sniffled hard and accepted the tissues gratefully, pressing them against his nose and rubbing irritably. He looked up to see Archie’s concerned gaze, and when the redhead was about to speak he cut him off.

“Archie–I’m fine,” Jughead pressed, and gave his nose one last run before flopping back against his bed and pulling the blankets over him, knocked out in a second.

Archie sighed, whispering to himself, “This is what you get for sleeping in the garage..”

However he did lightly press a hand against Jughead’s cheek, which was slightly warm. He frowned, knowing what was coming and left the tissue box next to him just in case, before heading back to sleep.

Needless to say, Jughead was not looking his best the next morning.

“Well–I hope you and Jughead have a good weekend, so as per usual, be safe, don’t do anything stupid. This is really good for Jughead, he really needs this,” Fred chatted idly, walking around doing various things.

Archie nodded, drinking his OJ but looking slightly concerned.

“Wait, what’s up, Arch?” Fred asked, but Archie didn’t even have to reply because Jughead walked into the kitchen that moment looking horrible.

“Oh no,” Fred muttered under his breath. This again.

Jughead approached the breakfast bar to sit when he was interrupted by a powerful sneeze that bended him at the waist, making Archie slightly startled.

“Excuse me,” Jughead said in embarrassment, rubbing a finger under his nose.

Fred walked up to the boy and went to feel his forehead when Jughead ducked away. Fred glared at the boy and put his hand on anyway, despite his protests and groaning.

“Yep, definitely warm..oh god, now I don’t want to leave you–”

“I’m fine, Mr Andrews, really,” Jughead protested.

“He’s not fine dad,” Archie insisted, “..but..I can do this, dad. I’ve done this a million times before, and if there is an emergency, the Coopers are next door.”

Fred sighed, “Just make sure he doesn’t die, Archie. I don’t trust him to keep himself alive, and also you’re both staying home from school today. Jughead, you need as much rest as possible until Jellybean comes home tonight, okay?”

The thought made Jughead smile amidst all the discomfort and pain of his illness, and while Archie was happy for his best friend, he was also worried.

Jughead was not any better by the time they had to leave for the bus station. Jughead would sneeze every minute, and he started to develop this chesty cough. Walking to the bus stop in this winter weather would not help Jughead at all.

Jughead would be taken over by a harsh fit of sneezing every minute or so, his nose changing from a shade of pink to deep red every time. Archie was just thankful he had thought to bring some tissues for him.

“Bless you–Jug, listen–”

“I’m fine, Archie,” Jughead pressed again, firm and strong in tone.

Archie sighed, normally he wouldn’t let Jughead win, but he knew that it would rip Jughead to shreds if he tried to take this away from him. Jughead was hurting, and it seemed Jellybean was the only thing that could take all that pain away, even if just for a little while. Anything to make his best friend feel happy again.

He just hoped he’d be okay.

Jughead waited anxiously for the bus to arrive, checking his watch every few seconds. He wrung his hands, bounced his leg, bit his lip, whatever he could to fidget. Heck, Archie was anxious for him.

Then, the bus from Toledo arrived, pulling into the parking lot. Jughead jumped out of his seat and ran over to the bus door, and waited as people began to pour out and suddenly, his body froze as he saw her.

Jellybean thanked the bus driver cheerily, and she turned to go down, and then she saw him. God, she grew even more beautiful. Her hair has grown a few more inches, and she was wearing a Pink Floyd tee and the Pearl Jam backpack Jughead had given to her for her birthday.

When her eyes landed on Jughead, her eyes widened and her entire face lit up, she looked so happy and lively that Jughead’s heart lit with a passionate fire.

She ran down the stairs and leaped out of the bus into Jughead’s open arms, squealing with happiness. She held her older brother tight, squeezing him with so much love, love that Jughead had been yearning for for so long.

Holding her in his arms like this felt like a distant memory, like a fantasy, a dream that was finally coming true. It felt too fantastical to be possibly true, and he felt little tears pricking his eyes and he struggled to keep them from pouring out of his eyes. He sniffled softly.

“You’re home, you’re home..” he croaked out, voice cracking with emotion, and with his sickness.

“So my best friend Alison is great at football–you would love her Archie–and she’s nothing like you and I Jug, she’s very different to me. But we still work, like you and Archie!” She chatted happily, holding onto her brother’s hand as they walked home from the bus stop. She still knew the way well.

Jughead smiled at her, “That’s so gre..g…hehh..”

Jughead turned away from her and sneezed loudly into his elbow, trying to restrain the sound but only succeeding in increasing the power of it and hurting his throat.

Jellybean jumped, “Bless you! You only sneeze like that when–”

Her eyes narrowed, “Juggie..”

Jughead smirked and shook his head. “Nah, you just smell awful, that’s all!” He teased, ruffling her hair only for her to whine, laughing and punching his arm.

Archie laughed with them, but felt concerned all the same.

Jellybean climbed up onto Fred’s bed and bounced on it, relishing how big the bed was, spreading out like she was a snow angel.

Jughead smiled, her giggles music to his ears. He couldn’t believe he had been deprived of this beauty for so long.

Suddenly he was snapped out of his thoughts by a prickle in his sinuses, and he tried to subtlely pinch at his nose to avoid it, and managed to ward it off for the time being.

Eventually she was curled up in bed, understandably tired, it was 12:30 am, and they’d spent the last few hours catching up and joking around.

Jughead approached her and sat at the edge of the bed, “Night, JB..”

Jellybean sat up and opened her arms, “Good night, Juggy!”

Jughead smiled softly and embraced her, holding her close, and she locked him in the embrace, refusing to let him go. It was such a lovely and warm moment.

But of course this was Jughead’s life so of course his nose began to tickle yet again.

He tried to pull away, when of course she wouldn’t let go, and he panicked, managing to clamp his hands over the lower half of his face and fell into a sneezing fit, his body shaking and racked with the force of the fit.

Once he finished, Jellybean let him go.

“..Jug..are you sick?”

Jughead sniffled wetly and shook his head, “No, no, just some dust in the air.”

Jellybean looked suspicious, but dropped it and gave him one last hug before heading off to sleep.

Jughead made his way over to Archie’s bedroom, and as he made his presence known, a packet of pills and a glass of water was being thrust in his face.

“Woah, Andrews,” Jughead blinked, rubbing at his nose as he took the supplies gratefully. He opened a packet and popped a pill into his mouth and swallowed.

Archie glared, “I gave you the water to avoid hurting your throat further.”

Jughead rolled his eyes, “I am a renowned pill popper, Archie, I think I’ll be fine.”

Archie rolled his eyes and patted at his bed, “you’re taking the bed tonight.”

Jughead shook his head profusely, “No! I’ve slept in your bed more times than you have these past few months, this is so unfair on you Archie–id rather take the couch..”

His sentence trailed off as his nose itched again, and his breath began to hitch as he desperately grabbed for a tissue, just barely enough time to cover his nose with the tissue and stifle 5 sneezes into it.

Archie frowned, “Why’d you hold them in? That’s not good for you!”

“I didn’t want Jellybean to hear!” Jughead replied, blowing his nose into the tissue.

Archie groaned, “You are impossible, Jug. You can’t hide this from her, she’s not stupid, she’s smart and you know that!”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to ruin this Archie! I ruin everything! I haven’t seen her for 8 months, Archie! It’s two days, Archie, I have her for two days and god knows when the next time I’ll see her! Will there even be a next time?! Seeing as how my life is going–”

Archie pulled the smaller boy in for a hug to shut him up, embracing the smaller boy and filling him with warmth and love.

“Jug, stop this, you’re tired, and emotional, you should just get some rest. You need as much rest as you can so you’re in the best shape you can be tomorrow, even if that’s..not 100%, you need some rest,” Archie whispered caringly.

Jughead nodded softly, sniffling a little, rubbing at his reddened nose and pulled away to give Archie a soft smile.

Archie looked at him kindly, “..on a proper bed, at least..?”

Jughead sighed, giving in as he climbed up onto Archie’s bed and snuggled into the covers, falling into a peaceful slumber.

For the most part at least, excluding the parts where he kept on waking up to sneeze and cough.

Jughead woke up at 7:20 the next morning, feeling like absolute shit.

His head was pounding and he couldn’t breathe out of his nose, and his throat felt so sore like nails were currently scratching it. He felt exhausted; but once he remembered his little sister was in the same house as him, he got up excitedly, only to groan at the head rush he received at the action.

“Jug?!” Archie yelped, waking up, overly worried.

Jughead shook his head, “Just a headache–anyway, we have to go make Jellybean breakfast! She loves pancakes and maple syrup..oh, and with bacon! C'mon!”

Archie grabbed the boy and shook his head, “medicine first.”

Jughead pouted, much like a little child, which made Archie laugh, and did as he was told, and then proceeded to make his way down to the kitchen to cook his little sister a meal, like he used to when their family was still whole.

“Rise and shine, sunshine,” Jughead joked, as he saw his sister emerging into the kitchen, already dressed in jeans and a jumper. She beamed at him, but then took a second to realise how congested her brother sounded.

“You swallow a frog, or something Jug?” She teased, hauling herself up onto the chair for the breakfast bar and beamed at the food.

“My favourite! You remembered..”

“Of course I remembered, it’s not like I’ve cooked this a million times,” Jughead said, rolling his eyes and sitting down next to Archie, who was chowing down on his food.

A tickle in his throat caused him to stifle a cough, and drink some OJ to stop the incoming fit, causing Archie and Jellybean to raise an eyebrow.

Stories were shared as food was eaten, and eventually the three finished their meals. Well, two and half. Jughead hadn’t eaten much at all; only one pancake and one piece of bacon compared to Archie and Jellybean who had eaten triple that.

“C'mon, let’s go do something, shall we? I’d love to take you the drive in, JB, but it’s gone,” Jughead said, with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

Jellybean would’ve been upset by that, and she was, but she was more concerned for her brother who sounded like a dying cat.

Just as Jughead was pulling on his thick, winter coat, a tickle in his nose caused him to stop dead, the tickle so intense his entire body was taken over by it. He hitched, nose quivering with anticipation until the eventual release, of a harsh and powerful lasting 8 sneezes.

The sheer force of the fit caused him to bend over, holding onto the wall as he sneezed to support himself. Archie was over at his side, holding him steady as he sneezed.

When it was over, he felt his knees buckling but tried to ignore it by holding onto Archie. He turned around to see Jellybean’s concerned gaze.

“Juggy, you’re sick.”

“No, I’m not–” Jughead fell into a harsh coughing fit, his chest convulsing, and he started to feel extremely dizzy, and extremely light headed. His knees buckled, unable to support him any longer and Archie scrambled to catch him, clutching him tightly as to not let him fall.

Jellybean smiled at him softly, “Juggy, I heard you coughing and sneezing last night. It’s okay, don’t worry, we all get sick..”

“No! I’m not ruining this for us, I planned to go to the Bijou to watch this double feature–of Stand By Me and ET, and I don’t want to ruin this, Jellybean! It’s been so long, and I’m not missing any moment of this because I was so dumb to catch a cold–”

“Jug! I don’t need a huge celebration; I came back here because I want to be with you. I’m here for you, just you. I could not care less if it was you in some Vanity Fair Party or you eating some popcorn with me while watching the TV. You’re enough for me, that’s all I want,” Jellybean said softly.

Jughead sniffled, “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to be my brother, like old times, being normal. I want it to be simple, Jughead, just the three of us watching movies on the television. Eating snacks, drinking soda,” She pleaded.

Archie nodded, “She’s right, Jug. C'mon, I’ll get you to the couch and we can go pick out some movies for a marathon!”

Jughead gave her a small smile and nodded, finally giving in and allowing Archie to lead him away to the couch.

He was beginning to wonder what took her so long when Jellybean barged into the living room, dumping a huge pile of fluffy, warm blankets and about a dozen pillows. The two boys blinked, unsure of how this tiny girl managed to carry all of that.

She grinned, and ran back to the kitchen and returned with a few packets of chips, candy and a steaming mug of tea. She placed the mug into Jughead’s hands, and as the warmth transferred onto his shaking hands he couldn’t help but sigh in relief.

Jughead smelled the tea, and blinked, then a wide smile began to play on his lips.

“..it’s the tea you always made me when I was sick..”

Jellybean grinned, “Yeah, and you’re sick now, so as per usual, I made you this tea.”

Jughead chucked, and pulled the girl close to him, underneath the blankets. She pulled him close and let him rest his head on her shoulder, filling him with warmth and love.

It wasn’t quite the day he had expected, but it was even better. Just like this, with two of the best people in the world, who loved him, and who he loved too.

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode #7: “Crud Crud Crud Crud FUDGE” ~ Ruthie

I hope we win the next challenge for Autumn, Kevin, and Ruthie’s sake.

Did y'all enjoy the show cause if ya did

I mean the blindside didn't go according to plan BUT it needed to happen. This whole Autumn-has-to-do-what-we-say and we-can-come-for-her-whenever shit? Yeah that ended tonight and rightfully so. Lily knows I almost ended her but then I saved her life so she better not ever come for me again cause if I so much as hear a whisper of my name 

I wish y'all could've seen my pm's but since you can't, let me just let y'all know: if you ever want to learn what's REALLY going on in your tribe? Have a tie vote between 2 people who both deserve to go. That's some scary shit and everyone now knows I'm wild so every single person was messaging me after that tie vote: - Lily sincerely apologizing this time, coming clean about Archipelago, and begging for her life - Emily sending the entire text of her alliance with JD and Zach to expose JD coming for me - JD telling me she was being selfish (once I confronted her) and she just wanted Duncan's loyalty; apparently I was in the way so that's why she spoke ill of me - Ruthie telling me she won't flip but having PTSD about rocks so she flipped - Kevin telling me don't flip but feeling petty about JD's vote so he flipped - Zach and Owen acting like they'll flip but then not Basically it didn't matter what I did, but in the moment everyone was scared shitless and the sky was falling and it was beautiful. Honestly I hate I made that promise to Amanda in my video interview about not being petty hahaha but it's fine. JD gave me her blessing to win; Ruthie has promised her loyalty; Owen swore he would vote Lily when the time came; and everyone learned I am just that cracked

Is it just me or is my tribe throwing this challenge to maybe vote me out?  This is NOT cute I hope I'm just paranoid but I'm going to surprise them and win this whole thing by myself even if they DON'T help this is not a cute look. I hope I'm just paranoid. ________________________________________________________________ I'm so stressed these people really aren't going to try on this challenge, are they?  crud crud crud crud FUDGE

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo

So I'm on the bus right now and trying to think worst case scenario (i.e. we lose the next challenge). I am starting to think voting against Cameron/Dana/Will premerge is the wrong move. Not only do I love them all with my whole hort as people, but our alliance seems genuine. Additionally, I'm hoping that while that 5 is a scary group come merge, their separation since the swap will cause divisions. I think right now, I sorta want a F6 of me, Ashvika, Duncan (potentially the F3 I want right now) with Will, Dana and Cameron? I dont entirely know but that's sort of what I feel like could be good? I'd also like to see Kevin and Autumn go far, like they are super sweet and I feel like its unfair for the disconnected people to be targetted so quickly. I dont even know. Priority 1? Still winning the challenge

When it comes to challenges, something I have to say to myself is this... "What Would Jordan Pines Do?" We love loopholes. Loopholes win challenges. Let's see how we do.

Okay, someone else is helping with the challenge now, I feel like a complete bitch for thinking they were trying to set me up. 

Good thing literally three people have been working on this challenge (to my knowledge) and I've been busting my ass to find as many ridiculous connections between these players as I can. I do NOT wanna go to tribal it's just not in my plans, in my schedule.

So i'll just rehash the last tribal vote. Essentially, about two hours before I thought it was going to be 6-1, knowing Lily couldn't vote due to a task provided by the now-closed Archipelago. WOOH thank god it's shut btw. However, Owen messages me around 8:30pm saying that Autumn made a rumour that the votes were going to go 3-3-1. I instantly go shocked because i'm like... wow Owen's acting REALLY shady... i'm leaving. I was expecting it to be my time. I call Emily and while on call, after leaking the rumour of the vote, I found out by Autumn that apparently her/Ruthie/Kevin were going to flip and vote out Lily. I didn't think this could happen because Kevin was close with Lily (since he leaked to Lily in the first place about the vote) and that Ruthie wouldn't lie to me. I was naive whew. I refused to tell Emily anything and I act a little like... edgy and then Owen leaks it so I just go with it. I trust Emily the most but I didn't want to cause any chaos. It goes to about 9:30 - 30 minutes prior - and everything seems fine still. I check up again with Ruthie and Kevin - they both say they're voting JD. Everything is according to plan. Autumn tells me her whole plan and in hopes, wants me to flip at the revote. Despite me thinking Lily's a bigger overall threat and it would weaken Emily's connections (meaning she could potentially be more loyal to me), I figured enough that she may feel hurt by me and I couldn't do it smoothly without causing some friction. Tribal occurs. On the call it goes 3-2-1 and there's one vote left and I truly was like "adios JD!" then... it ties. I literally am IN SHOCK! I tell Emily straight up after calling her again saying that i'm flipping if they remain intact cause i'm not going to rocks. I'll explain my thought process. Despite Lily being a bigger threat (mentioned above), she ranks at a 0 with me. We don't talk; we aren't close. That's a poor score. But by keeping her after half the tribe has flipped on her, it'll go up to a 1. Wooh upgrade! Now for JD. She was at a 3 at the start, but based on HER past actions, she was at a -1. Keeping her would make it go to -2. Simple maths --> 1 > -2 - so I decided that Lily is in my best interest to keep around. I work on Ruthie so much to get her to flip. Emily works on Kevin. Lily works on both. We promised Ruthie she wouldn't be the next vote if she flips back. Is that true? Sure. She'll stay around. But I want to form a solid majority (for this tribe) with Owen, Lily, Emily and myself - and pick off Kevin and Autumn next respectively. Maybe flipped. Don't matter to me. They really put themselves on the bottom by doing this. In before I leave WOOH! Autumn flips because Ruthie/Kevin did, and in an unanimous revote, JD leaves 6-0. I feel bad but it's kind of like brought upon herself. I'm excited to see how the other tribe perceives this since it was such a crazy vote whew. I'm just so exhausted by last nights events that i'm literally not talking to many of them right now. I'll work on damage control briefly later, but right now it's like... whatever. Owen is making Autumn sketched - or she thinks I ratted the plan out which I KIND OF did but it was mainly Owen and without being direct I want her to lose that trust with Owen but feel more loyal to me. We'll see how things work. I really like Owen so I kind of don't want to throw him under the bus, hence why i'm being like passive about this.

I've been SO cracked trying to decipher the vote last time. My current assumption is that Lily didn't vote (I still don't know entirely why) and the vote was: JD: Emily, Zach + Kevin...? Lily: Ruthie,Owen & Autumn? Kevin: JD I am confident that JD voted Kevin and Lily didn't vote, and then in the revote: 'i’ve been rocked out once in this series and it was enough, i’m sorry!’ - Ruthie "I mean, you voted for me." - Kevin "the alternative is just not happening for me. i’m confused how we even got here in the first place because this made no sense." - Emily and then if I had to guess the other 3 "EVERYTHING THAT IS CREATED WILL AT SOME POINT BE RECREATED AS SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!" - Owen "orange juice" - Zach "I promised Amanda and my admin parents I wouldn’t be petty so :( Thank you for everything/ I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you!" - Autumn ANYWHOMST I AM CRACKED TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT

I'll be honest... i keep putting in the tribe chat that i've been trying pretty hard at this challenge, and it's not that I haven't given it a shot, it's that i'm too dumb and all my energy is going to cultivating my instagam aesthetic.  

Major sigh

AHHH, my sanity she's gone, but the survivor wiki isn't getting deleted like I threatened since we won

i made this before the immunity results were posted

I don’t,,,, trust Owen like at all lol but I think we can make it out of this vote alive. Also I love Zach with my WHOLE HEART if he betrays me in this game I’ll cry he’s literally my favorite person. He’s just sending me weird facetuned pictures right now and we’re just laughing and like this is WHOLESOME CONTENT is this what it’s like to have actual FRIENDS I love ORGS

Save me from the dentist please I hate this place I keep thinking they’ll call me back and they don’t ack hfgfgfghfggfghg I want this over with I have nothing to say about the game right now btw Why don’t they call me back AGHHH

Holey Moley, I'm so glad we won. As much as I talked about voting against Dana/Will/Cameron, I truly don't think I could've done it. I love them so much as people, and betraying them so nastily (Dana for the second time) is just.... not something I could've faced doing. Like, I feel like if we went to tribal (or indeed go to tribal next round if we don't merge), I probably would've played it safe and voted Charlotte? I just- ack the more I think about it, the more I'm like- I truly couldn't have betrayed those 3 like that, I love them all so much. On another note, I went HAM on that challenge, like truly any more time spent looking at those wiki pages and I was gonna *scream* if we lost. Side note, I am also incredibly annoying, like while I'm sure the tribe is grateful for my challenge contribution, I think I just annoyed everyone. And I put an ALMIGHTY target on my back by doing so much for the challenge, like I'm a challenge flop so that's so funny to me. Side note: I found it so funny that on call, Cameron said something about having the  idol, and Will & Dana both did like a *pretendstobeshocked.gif*. It was SO FUNNY, because they didn't know I knew, it was wildt. ________________________________________________________________ I have a bad feeling Ruthie or Zach is going home, and I'm truly not a fan of either of those options.... Lily is the person I'm least connected to on that tribe, but I assume since she was kept safe in a tie vote by the tribe and 3 people didn't vote for her in the original vote, that they are gonna be a majority of four.

Tribal council very clearly fucked me up and it's all Autumn's fault rn fskajfhkjd like..... I told her about Lily's power because I trusted her, and she took that and completely blew it up into something to use against Lily with other people, so now Lily and Emily obviously know that Autumn found out and if Lily honestly only told Emily and I then...it's not hard to figure out. I told Emily that I told Zach about it. And Emily said that maybe Lily told Kevin who told Autumn but???? If Lily says she didnt tell Kevin, I doubt Emily would believe that she's lying for some reason. And then in her tribal answer Emily said that stuff about how she's probably being manipulated by someones kindness and I'm sitting here like that picture of the rat.... fsdkajfhkjdsfkd :( it's not my fault im such a snake. I just can't help myself. it's in my BLOOD. So Emily suggested Kevin and then also Autumn suggested Kevin? And part of me thinks that makes sense bc if Autumn and Lily were both takin heat last round then they might expect one another to be idoled and want to target someone else. Kevin seems a good middle ground for that. but at the same time....it seems suspicious they'd tell me the same name. Like they have talked and agreed that they're telling me kevin but really voting me fsdkajhfkjds fuck my whole life. I don't think Zach would betray me? And I don't think that Emily would do something without telling him... But if she and Lily don't trust me anymore and I did something to make Autumn made, they could get the votes to send me out :'( and I don't like that. I considered playing my extra vote but the most that can do is making something 4-4 if I'm going home anyways? Like say I'm getting four votes and kevin gets three, I use my extra vote and it ties 4-4 me and kevin but I dont vote on the revotes so they could still send me out 3-2. and if it's like...five votes me, two votes kevin, I use the extra vote and i'm still out 5-3? so it literally doesnt help me at all unless somehow the votes are being split for an idol. Which....maybe I could make happen but I dont like the idea of split votes either bc then even three votes could flip and send me home. god dang it. I'm going to call with Emily and zach and hopefully I feel better about it. If they play me and I go home I'm really going to fucking cry.

Me after that last tribal: 

God. Owen leaked something that night about JD being messy in her original tribe. I played with her in Motunui and honestly her plans were #cracked so I should've expected that??? I think I repressed that memory. Oh and also she um voted for me which wasn't very nice :( I have no idea what to do this tribal. I told Owen before I flipped that I didn't feel safe so he promised to vote Lily with me but I don't want to vote Lily anymore but I don't want to seem wishy-washy to Owen and get voted out and I don't really have any solid allies so???? More at 10 pm I guess

Zach pronounces Mario like mare-ee-oh... I know who's getting my vote tonight

idk who the fuck zach thinks he is????????????? it's literally not "mare e Oh" what a MOFO THOT. im voting his ass out, it's pronounced mario like how it looks like mar ee oh god DAMN. woof woof grrrr (poke) ashvikanow that we won immunity and don't have to worry about safety this week, i need to start thinking of a plan for merge and how to break up a power alliance that will likely form between some of the bigger players 

I'm over here, winnin another immunity, just praying for the megre at this point honeys! I WANT LILY TO GO. TONIGHT. PLEASE GOD MAKE IT HAPPEN. 

I love how obvious Zach makes it that he, owen, emily and lily have an alliance that I'M NOT INCLUDED IN. 

It seems like everyone's uncertain and confused so either this is some elaborate scheme to fuck me up or the tribal really just did #that to everyone. It makes me feel really uneasy nonetheless nnnnn but I don't wanna be pushy or anything bc I'm not really in the position to do it? 

Okay, so it looks like we are merging tonight which AHHHHHHHHHH! Anyway, I am so glad our tribe didn't go to tribal. I genuinely don't think I could've truly voted against Dana/Will/Cameron so it would've been a case of disappointing Duncan. For the time being anywhomst, the question becomes... who is gonna go at the Atalaia tribal tonight... Here is what I know: - Owen has an extra vote playable tonight or at F7 -  That Autumn/Owen and Lily/Emily are gonna be close So with that said, I am gonna try and add that information, to the assumptions I've made: - It looks like Lily didn't vote last time and here is why I think it must be her. Six people voted in the revote, which means Lily and JD didn't originally vote for one another. Additionally, the Kevin voting confessional of: "I feel like I do this everytime we are in a game together. Sorry babes" and the JD voting confessional of "I mean, you voted for me." seems like its JD voting for Kevin and then vice versa. THUS, Lily must not have voted, but whomst knows why is the real question.... That leads onto the next question, if JD voted Kevin and Lily didnt vote, who did the other three vote for? Well, I assume Autumn/Owen voted together and Emily voted for JD (especially since she threw her name out during the One World vote). From there, I'm trying to analyse the voting confessionals.... "‘I AM SORRY I’M SO CRACKEDT I CHANGED MY VOTE LAST MINUTE BECAUSE I HEARD TEA, I’M SORRY IF THE TEA WAS INCORRECT TEA!!" is I think Kevin Owen or Autumn? "You seem like a great person and all but this game we haven’t really connected and that’s why my vote is going towards you. I’m sorry!!" feels like Emily, Ruthie or Zach "Sorry, love ya." feels very Emily "Kim Kardashian it’s what she deserves gif" this one is tough because its quite shady? Like quoting gifs is a Duncan thing but he obviously wasn't at that tribal, so I'm gonna give up on voting confessional analysis because I'll learn what happened tonight anywho. But with that said, the revote confessionals are much clearer the one about rocked out is of course ruthie, the one about you voted for me is kevin, the one about the alternative not happening is emily(?) which leaves 3. The petty one directly addressing amanda makes me think its autumn since amanda helped host himalayas, orange juice is probably Zach, which leaves the last one as being Owen. WHEW

I really hope we merge tonight because I'm ready to start playing this game even harder, I'm ready to take out the big threats and the fan favorites and make it to FTC again - and win this time. I'm making sure my emotions are in check, which isn't something I can say about a lot of the other players. Playing with your emotions is always dangerous, especially on an All Stars season when we all know each other to a degree. You let someone like Lily or Emily make it too far into the merge (even just one or two rounds) and don't take them out when you have the chance, all because you like them too much? Looks like you won't be winning this game. All I know is that my ride or dies are Dana, Cameron, Ali, Owen, and Autumn and everyone else is expendable, I'm ready to cut them as soon as I get the chance. And anyone in that five immediately becomes expendable when it isn't good for my game anymore. Owen and Ali... I love them dearly but their love for Emily better not be blinding. I would love to sit with Dana and Cameron at the end, I just need to make sure I can actually get there first. If it isn't Lily or Emily tonight, it'll be interesting moving forward because that means someone's made a couple promises here and there to Lily... Hmm...

Alright I tried to break the silence by suggesting Autumn's name to Emily and Owen. Let's hope this doesn't backfire. Owen seemed chill with it, Emily hasn't responded yet. We could probably get Lily on board with t easily. I chose Autumn because she's shown her true colors last tribal: from what she told me her motivation to vote Lily was that she has voted against her, which was a bit individualistic of a motivation. We're all playing for ourselves, but compromise is a necessity. She's also shown she's not afraid to make big moves even when there's like 15 people in the game. So...I hope this works, or if it fails, I hope I'm not the one hurt by it. 

sooooooooooo I feel like they're gonna vote me still bc some sketch stuff is happening. Kevin suggested Autumn, Autumn suggested Kevin, ruthie I have no clue, and then Emily added us to an alliance with Lily (and Zach) so that's cool and Lily sfsdkahfj rolld a D20 and settled on Autumn. Voting one of my close friends off bc the dice that be told me to? inch resting. I do feel a little bit guilty voting her....because I love her and I want to get to know her better and she was part of my original group. I think she's someone who will tell me things. And also she's going to be more of a threat than Kevin is for sure. But....she really blew my shit up last round and I don't like that. At all. And she's always gonna wanna do her own plan... And honestly cutting her makes the group of five seem a little less scary and hopefully it proves to Zach/Emily that I'm with them over Dana/Cameron/Will. Am I? :~) prob not ! So I just have to get over my guilt and do the wrong thing I guess. I just have to be the person I have always been I guess fakdsj since Emathia. Before? Vote out my friends and show no mercy. Now? Still vote out my friends and show no mercy. The closer we get to tribal though the more I get worried. Although I did message Lily earlier and tell her how I've always wanted to work with her and apologized for being shady before and was like...i hope i proved I'm not ever gonna write ur name down fskhfdkdshfkjshfjkdsjkf oop!

I would like to thank not only but also Jesus for allowing me to make top 13 and what I expect to be the Merge. Ali and I know the whereabouts of 3 of the where (I presume to be) 4 idols are. With merge coming a fifth will be put into play and I’ll do anything to get it. I’m really glad that I’ve been having fun since the game has started. Like I’ve been having a blast! I came here to have fun and to win the game. I’ve had my fun and games already but when Merge hits? It’ll be another story. It’s the calm before the storm. Merge is going to be a blood bath and I’m ready to dive in face first. I’m kind of shook at myself because I haven’t promised anyone final 2 which may come back to bite me in the ass or it may free me. I wouldn’t mind sending home one of the great values home at the first vote but we’ll have to wait and see how everyone else feels I guess. As long as I come out on top I don’t really care how it happens. Now the odds of me succeeding are slim to none but hey! A bitch can dream right? 

CROSSROADS IS UGLY SORRY I'M LATE!!! I fought to keep both Ryan and Haley and it didn't work so yet another person I like/ trust is going home. You know it's bad when I join the majority out of safety. And that little group of Founding Fathers who think they run shit ever since they got rid of Chris? Yeah they can choke and I'm getting really tired of their mess ________________________________________________________________ Hi don't send that last one to the VL because it's meant for Crossroads lmao sorry I'm old and don't know how to read

please let the third time be the charm, let autumn go tonight khgkjshgjksd

Always out with a 5-2 blindside, Athena is so poetic. Know that I'm rooting for everyone on Lorohna plus Ruthie. Honestly this game has been very high school and varsity cheerleading-esque so I'm disappointed but not surprised. Lowkey this particular game was really bad for my mental health, constantly feeling targeted and marginalized so.... here I am feeling somewhat relieved and at peace

Highkey they're just bitter about the tie vote but seeing how Lily took three fucking shots at me in the course of the game, I was 1000% justified in that move. Also Owen and Zach are catering to the wrong HBIC and made 7 enemies on the other tribe by being ugly like this. Between that and being up Emily's ass/ worrying about her feelings, they've already lost know that. Kevin is really on thin ice as it is. Karma has all sorts of stuff for Emily and Lily- kisses, hugs, blowjobs, you name it. Also I'm living for how offended the 5 of them were by me saying I liked Lorohna better hahahahaha. Ummm y'all just murdered me remember? For not being your puppet?? And you still expected me of all people to kiss your asses and go gracefully???

Athena fun fact! The 5 people who voted Autumn out in Himalayas lost and the 1 person who didn’t vote Autumn went on to win the season! So congrats to the All Stars winner sitting among Lorohna and Ruthie; the admins and I look forward to seeing the rest of you in Season 14!!

Autumn becomes the 7th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 5-2 vote. You can see Autumn’s preseason interview here.

[sassmill]

fuck it do em all

I'm going to come to Canada and physically fight you reese I'm gonna whup your ass harder than that ice did ASK ME THINGS1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Phoebe what the fuck2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?She kind of awkwardly half flirts with me and it's just not great3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Make good choices 4. Is your last name longer than six letters?It's 85. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?In character drunk but physically sober because I'm a lonely virgin who's only action is onstage 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Not yet lmfao but let's see what happens when I respond to her text tomorrow morning 7. What does your last received text say?"That loud effect was so fitting"8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?Like four times in rehearsal I think 9. Where was your last kiss at?Our black box theatre 10. When is the last time you saw your sister?Mid October when I was home for less than 48 hours 11. What do you drink in the morning?Stale dusty water that's been sitting on my bedside all week 12. Where did you sleep last night?Good ole room 30513. Do you think relationships are hard?Trying to start one when you're an anxious lesbian sure fuckin is!!!14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Uhhhhhh I woulda spent less money on dumb shit I don't need that's for sure 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?Yeah she's weirdly aggressive with her awkward flirting and I don't think she can take a hint that I'm not really into it 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?Yeah my fuckin next door neighbor last year had the same damn first AND middle name as me 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?I'm wearing Reese's cups boxers19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?God willing 20. Does anyone like you?I'm pretty sure 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?No 22. Is the last person you kissed gay?She's not straight 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?I almost vomited onstage because of this one girl's breath this morning so24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?Yeah it's lily tomlin inspired 25. In the past week have you cried?My dude I've cried three times today alone and two of them were Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert related26. What breed was the last dog you saw? I saw so! Many! Dogs! At the park today!27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Ah dorm showers are weird and small so I don't have a solid answer for this 28. Have you ever kissed a football player?What kind of straight shit is this29. Do you think you’re old?Yeah I feel like I'm fuckin 42 and I can't even buy my own wine yet 30. Do you like text messaging?Yeah 31. What type of day are you having?Pretty chi- nope never mind I've actually been lowkey pissed all day. Someone stole my fucken brand new setting spray from the dressing room and then one of our actresses fucked up her lines so bad we skipped over two scenes and somehow managed to cover it smoothly 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Not really 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?I prefer the weather to be overcast with thunderstorms in the afternoon, and the rest of the day to be precisely 56�� f with low humidity 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Yeah which reminds me I need to show Clair the ham and cheese cheer I came up with backstage today 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?At this point I'll take what I can get36. Are you a simple or complicated person?Pretty complicated. I don't even know what's going on with me most of the time. 37. What song are you listening to?The entire Broadway cast recording of Tuck Everlasting38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Yeah I don't apologize unless I'm sorry39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?A couple40. What made you start liking the person you like now?Ah that's a tricky one because I used to hate her but I guess her personality as I got to know her better 41. When did you last receive a text message?About 20 minutes ago42. What is wrong with you right now?We don't have time to go into this, physical or mental43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Ask the cheese monster 44. Does anyone disgust you?I wish I could make you smell the dressing room I have to share with these girls 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Yeah I'm gay46. Are you in a good mood right now?Eh I'm tired but preoccupied 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Wangini48. What color shirt are you wearing?Green49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Uh probably 50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Yeah one of my close friends on campus just decided to cut an entire group of us off entirely and I wasn't even a part of the drama so I don't need it51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?More like I hated her and then fell hat52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?Haven't we all53. Do you like rain?Indecent by Paula Vogel directed by Rebecca taichman changed my life54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?As long as they pass me a glass we're good55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?HA56. Do you like to cuddle?I wouldn't know considering I never have anyone to cuddle with 57. Are you shy?I have social anxiety but I'm also an actress so so with that set of characteristics what you will 58. Do you get along with girls?I am. A, lesbean?59. Have you dated the person you texted last?No but people thought we were dating in middle school because that's how gay our friendship is60. What do you carry with you at all times?A crippling sensation of dread61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?My dude that's my literal ideal career I'm coming for zak bagans 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I have no fuckin clue63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Ha64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?I would fucking melt65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?We got to do a cast meet and greet with elementary schoolers after the show this morning and it was precious 66. How old are the last three people you kissed?Oh my god there's just one she's like 26 I think67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Nail salons are sensory hell and make me want to run screaming68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Leopard 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? I barely have my license but my laptop is covered in stickers 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Whomst the fuck I choose option C Dolly Parton 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? No clue73. Do you like diet soda? It's all soda74. What color are the walls in your room? At home a gross green color, in the dorm a lovely dirty offwhite cinderblock 75. Are you 16 or older? Almost 2076. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? I watched three solid seasons and still couldn't decide whether or not I enjoyed it77. Do you have a job? Museum intern/curator78. What are your initials? EVG79. Did you ever have braces? From fifth grade to freshman year of high school 80. Are you from the south? I'm a NEW ENGLANDER81. What does your last status on facebook say? "Don't even talk to me about Christmas music unless your favorite Christmas song involves both Rosie O'Donnell AND the Dixie chicks"82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Not really83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My dad84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Yeah I was awful at both85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? IT86. Do you smoke? I partake when invited87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Ugh neither why would I hate arch support that much88. Is your phone touch screen? What year were these questions written89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? My hair doesn't do anything but straight even if I curl it90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? I'm lame91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool92. Have you ever made out in a car? No93. …Had sex in a car? NO94. Are you single or in a relationship? Single 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Crying over Marilla Cuthbert96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Do the projections we have at the end of the fair scene in Charlotte's Web count because if so yesterday around 11 am97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Yeah sure I guess 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Isn't that what Facebook is really for 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? That sounds straight 102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Praying 103. Do you have any tan lines right now? I think I permanently damaged the skin on my boobs over the summer because I got a really bad burn at camp and it faded to a tan but it's still there just on my boobs and it's been months 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? This question made me physically ill