#i spent them with my family who i am forever grateful for

[liverpool-enjoyer]

the wasted potential feelings are hitting SO ESPECIALLY hard tonight i need to go to sleep

[lurkingshan]

Last Twilight Episode 12

A month ago, I never could have predicted that I’d be sitting here trying to assemble some thoughts to explain how on earth this show went so badly off the rails. I am truly taken aback by where this story landed, and I advise anyone who wants to think of it fondly to just pretend it ended at episode 9, and even skip the finale if you haven’t watched yet. Before I get into it, let me just start with a word of praise for the cast, who did a great job with their performances and kept this show afloat when the writing fell apart. And boy, did it fall apart.

In my view, this narrative had three main threads it was addressing: 1) Day’s journey to accepting his disability; 2) unresolved family trauma; and 3) Mhok and Day’s romance. And in the end, it failed on all three of them. I am going to dig into this and I am not feeling particularly nice, so if this is going to hurt your feelings I suggest you stop reading now. 

Day’s Journey

Just…wow. We have been afraid of this turn the entire time and trying to hold out hope that the show would not go there, but here we are. I started laughing out loud when we got to the end of part 3 and Mhon’s phone went off with an alert for a new eye donor, and then just stared incredulously at my screen as we time skipped AGAIN to a Day whose vision had been restored for years (last week I joked to @bengiyo and @waitmyturtles that once a drama starts using time skips it becomes addictive and they never stop, and—welp!). What was this entire show for? Why did we spend twelve episodes with Day grieving his vision loss, learning how to cope, and finally accepting his blindness only to completely undercut it at the end? The first part of the finale was so much about how he was thriving—finding a new career for himself and becoming self-sufficient and growing so much on his own—only to give us an ending that implied he could not actually have his happily ever after without his vision restored. 

And this is in fact the message they sent by coupling the return of his vision with the return of he and Mhok’s relationship, and giving us a happy ending rooted in his contentment at having his sight back. They even went back to the Last Twilight mountain to completely tarnish the thematic resonance of the original scene. Calling back to the beautiful memory of Day “seeing” the sunset and experiencing “a moment so good that you feel like you can live there forever” as he accepted his disability with this scene of him seeing the real sunset with his restored vision was so hurtful to me that I actually got angry. Day didn’t need his vision back to get a happy ending, and I absolutely hate what this communicates about disabled people’s capacity to live happy and fulfilling lives. This show has created many writing sins but this is the most unforgivable to me.

Family Trauma

The show began dropping the ball on this one a few weeks ago, but this finale put the nail in the coffin. We spent most of this episode at Porjai and Night’s wedding, an event that might have felt meaningful if the show had let us see any of their romance. I’m grateful to Mark Pakin and Namtan Tipnaree for their beauty and charisma because it’s the only thing that made me care about those scenes at all. Rather than actually being about them, however, this wedding was used primarily as a clunky vehicle to deliver heavy-handed messages about “second chances” to encourage Day to get back together with Mhok (more on that in the next section). 

I did enjoy the brief nods in this episode to the brothers continuing to have newfound harmony in their relationship, but where the show really lost me was in their attempt to bring Night and Day’s dad back into the mix and imply some sort of resolution between him and Mhon. Mhon, a woman whose perspective on their split we never actually saw, whose motivation for her choices and behavior toward her sons were completely elided by the narrative, who was forgiven and made peace with offscreen during a time skip. I was never given the chance to understand her or what this relationship meant to her in the first place, so why would I care about these scenes with her making her peace with this man? I continue to be so confused about where this show chose to spend its time, and why someone with Aof’s track record on developing strong and narratively important familial relationships dropped the ball so much with her. 

The Romance

Okay, let’s get into it, and remember what I said about not reading if this is going to hurt your feelings! My criteria for considering a romance successful is I have to believe the relationship is mutual, beneficial to both of the pair, and that the couple is prepared to weather future challenges. Last Twilight’s romance fails on all three fronts, and it all comes down to the total imbalance in the relationship that persisted right through the final scenes.

This entire narrative has been Mhok bending to Day’s will, giving Day what he needs, forgiving him for everything, and letting him make all the decisions about the relationship, and the finale was regrettably more of the same. In episode 11, Mhok made a mistake when he lied to Day about turning down the job in Hawaii. But he made that mistake out of grief and fear, and Day didn’t care—he unfeelingly rejected him and his pain and ended their relationship without a second thought. That was potentially forgivable as a momentary lapse borne out of instinctual hurt, and could have been repairable had Day reconsidered soon after and extended Mhok some grace. But in this episode, we find out Day blocked Mhok and refused to communicate with him again after that night, and has left Mhok completely in the cold for three years after he failed to be perfect one (1) time.

And this episode? Was on Day’s side in this conflict. Mhok is the one to return and start pursuing Day again. Mhok is the one to broach the topic of their breakup. Mhok is the one to thank Day for breaking his heart and tell him he did nothing wrong (y’all, I almost threw something at the screen). Mhok’s grief and trauma go completely unaddressed in this finale until they try to play the Rung card for one last moment of sentiment. Day cries to his mother about how he just doesn’t know if he can forgive Mhok. And in the end, Mhok makes the grand gesture, missing his flight to go to Day and stay in Thailand with him despite the successful life he has built in Hawaii.

The cognitive dissonance I felt watching this play out was extreme. I rarely see a writer misunderstand their own characters and relationship conflict so thoroughly. In order to believe in this romance we needed to see Day finally show some empathy for Mhok, take responsibility for his own mistakes, and be the one to make an effort this time. We needed to believe that Day has the capacity to be a supportive partner to Mhok even when he’s struggling. But Day didn’t demonstrate any of that, and so I simply don’t believe in this relationship. I don’t believe Mhok can trust Day not to abandon him again when some other major life event intervenes and Mhok is less than perfect. And that’s a shame, because the show really almost had something here with these two. 

And that’s all I got. What a disappointment this show turned out to be. If you need me, I will just be over here in my little corner imagining the Night and Porjai romcom that we never got and pretending the rest of this show ended several weeks ago.

[starryevermore]

the house of snow (20) ✧ coriolanus snow

the house of snow ✧ a royal coryo au | pinterest board| ao3

pairing: king!coriolanus snow x fem!reader

series summary: the king of panem is in search of a bride. and, for reasons you can never understand, coriolanus snow has set his sights on you. it would never be a happy marriage, you’re sure of that. but none of that matters, because when snow decides he wants something, he will do everything in his power to ensure it is his. 

chapter summary: the ton learns of how its king adores the queen.

word count: 1,992

series warnings?: 18+ MINORS DNI, royal au, regency au, arranged marriage, rivals to lovers, obsessive!coryo, jealous!coryo, protective!coryo, eventual smut, eventual pregnancy, more tags to be added later

chapter warnings?: implied smut, fluff, pet name (petal), not proofread

When you first learned of Coryo’s intent to marry you, you had expected a life as Queen would be spent focusing on building a robust social life—planning and attending balls, organizing dinners, entertaining the rest of the ton, overseeing the social season. In your downtime, you would read in the library or stroll the gardens. Forever stuck in a loveless, unsatisfying marriage. Coryo, however, defied your expectations at every turn. Not only was his love true, but he wanted you to rule by his side. He didn’t wish for you to be a mere figurehead—he wanted you to be Queen in every sense of the word. 

You quite liked it, if you were honest. You liked sitting at the desk with him, flitting through papers, sorting out the important needs of Panem. You liked being able to tell him your thoughts and know that they were being heard. You had heard too many horrible stories of men belittling their wives, thinking themselves better when they received the very same education. There men in this Capitol that got off on treating their wives as second-class citizens. You were forever grateful that your Coryo was not one such man. 

And, of course, you and Coryo got up to plenty of revelry in that very office. 

Coryo pressed a kiss to your shoulder as he helped you back into your dress. Though it would be easier to merely push up your skirts and settle between your legs, Coryo insisted on seeing all of you. You were his beautiful wife, he’d say, and he would never deprive himself of admiring such grand beauty. 

“We need to add social engagements to our calendar,” you said, carding your fingers through his hair. He nipped at your neck. 

“I prefer monopolizing your time. Those people do not deserve you in all your brilliance.”

“We rule those people, and we should try to remain in their good graces,” you countered. Coryo conceded by placing a kiss against the same spot he bit. “Just a few balls, perhaps a luncheon or two with the Electors and their families.”

“Very well. Let me know which ones you have a preference toward, and I shall make the arrangements.”

It was ordinarily the woman’s work to deal with social engagements. A smile tugged at your lips. For Coryo to so easily take on the task, without you even indicating for him to do so, warmed your heart. How did you ever get so lucky? How did you ever think poorly of him? “My mother is throwing a ball this week. I suppose we should attend, at least to keep up appearances with my family,” you said with a roll of the eyes. “The ton would not take kindly to a woman who forsakes her family for the Crown. They would spread rumors that I am a power-hungry wench, intent on making you my little puppet.”

Coryo barked out a laugh. “If only they knew how much power you hold.”

“Oh yes, I do quite well at tugging at your strings.”

“You may tug on them for however long you like.”

Though your dress had just been pulled back on, it soon found itself pooled on the floor moments later.

Thought it had been your suggestion, you dreaded the idea of returning to your family’s home—if you could call it that anymore. After having been away from them for the last month, you came to realize you were scarcely more than a pawn to them. If your father wanted you to be well-cared for, he could have allowed Coryo to court you when he came into money again. The Snow family was not a family known to squander their wealth. Had it not been for the war, they still would have been living off of their fortune for generations to come. And your mother…The way she pushed you to act like someone you were not in hopes that it further along Coryo’s proposal…It just made you sick. You once thought that they cared for you, in their own strange ways, but now you weren’t for certain. 

Coryo watched as your lady’s maid pinned back your hair in preparation for your mother’s ball. You were tempted to tell her to stop, that you would no longer be attending, but you also wished to show them, show the entire ton, that you had their King wrapped around your finger. For every thing that they chastised you for, Coryo loved. Nay, he adored. You were certain there was very little you could do that would be wrong in his eyes. 

“You are exquisite,” he said, coming to your side as your lady’s maid stepped away from her elaborate creation. He leaned down, pressed a kiss at the junction where your shoulder met your neck. “The ton will have never seen a more beautiful Queen.”

“You shouldn’t let me stray far from your side then,” you teased as you rose from your seat. You turned so you faced your husband and looped your arms around his shoulders. “The ton can so easily devolve into animals when they see something shiny and new.”

“Oh, trust, my petal, I do not intend for you to ever leave my side.” Coryo kissed your forehead. “I already nearly lost you once when I was least expecting it. I won’t allow it to happen again.”

Your heart clenched. It had been so long since Sejanus was mentioned. You nearly forgot about him entirely. For him to have been so close to both you and Coryo, it didn’t feel so strange for him to not be around anymore. What would have happened if he didn’t come to convince you to run away with him? Would you all still be close? Or would he have still tried? 

You hoped Sejanus fared well with the Peacekeepers. Despite what he attempted, the friend he was willing to hurt, Sejanus was a kind and gentle man. Coryo had told you little about his time in service with the Peacekeepers, but you knew enough to be certain that Sejanus would emerge a changed man. You only wished that he was still kind. 

“And you should not worry about such a thing,” you said. “I am yours just as you are mine.”

Coryo hummed, and pulled you in for another kiss. You let him, letting your worries melt away. 

The worries did not stay away for long, unfortunately. As your carriage rolled up to your parent’s home, your heart thump’d, thump’d, thump’d in your chest. You hated having to let go of Coryo when the carriage came to a stop. At least it didn’t last long, for Coryo soon was helping you out and your hands were reconnected. 

Like when you arrived at the palace, Coryo let you take the lead. But, unlike at the palace, those who bore witness to this soon began to whisper. You expected as much. The tradition of the no one walking ahead of the King was one long upheld. No one ever dreamed of stepping into his path. You swallowed, lifted your head high and squared your shoulders. This was going to be a long, arduous night, but you were not going to let the gossip of the ton ruin your evening. 

Your mother’s eyes were on you the second you stepped foot in the ballroom. You took a breath and turned away from her gaze. Coryo stepped beside you and took your hand. “Come,” he said, “let’s take a turn about the room.”

You nodded. 

Her eyes never left you, though. You moved your hand to hold onto Coryo’s arm, hoping for him to steady you. He looked at you curiously, but said nothing. At least you were distracted by the ton as they flitted around you and your husband. They were so eager for the approval of the King and Queen. It was almost laughable. 

Finally, though, you couldn’t take it anymore as your father joined your mother’s side. 

“We should go say something,” you whispered to Coryo as another young lady sunk into a low curtsy in front of you. “Appearances and all that.”

“Are you certain? I believe we will be quite fine if we continue to ignore them.”

You stifled a laugh. “Perhaps. Think of it this way, though—if we speak to them now, we can ignore them the rest of the ball.”

“Very well. Lead the way, petal.”

Your heart thump’d harder as you crossed the room to your parents. You didn’t have the first clue what you were going to say to them. What they would say to you. They had enough tact, you were sure, to not incite an outright fight with the King and Queen. But they had enough audacity to insult their daughter. They did it as easily as breathing.

“Mama, Papa,” you greeted when you reached them. Neither dropped into a bow or curtsy. Your lip curled at the disrespect. It did not matter that you were their daughter—there was still social etiquette to be followed. “The ball has been lovely so far.”

If they were going to stoop so low, you would not meet them at their level.

“It could be lovelier if there wasn’t so much…whispering among the ton,” your mother said. 

From the corner of your eye, you watched as Coryo’s hands clenched and unclenched. You gave his arm a squeeze, but that did not stop him from saying, “The ton is full of idle gossip. It always has been.”

The warning in his tone did not stop your mother from continuing it, “Still, it is improper for a wife to lead the King.”

You ground your teeth together. Is that all you were to her now? A wife to the King? Oh, if only she knew the true influence you had. If only she knew how highly your Coryo regarded you. She may be trapped in a loveless marriage—and you would forever pity her for that—but that did not mean she could dismiss your marriage so easily. 

“Queen,” Coryo corrected. “Lesser kings have killed for lesser slights against their queens. I would tread carefully if I were you.”

Your father looked between your mother and Coryo. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, he tried, “What my wife means to say is, we would hate for the Crown to be ruined by such silly gossip.”

“The Crown could not be ruined by such things,” Coryo dismissed with a wave of his hand. “What would damage the sanctity of the Crown is to allow such disrespect to go by unchecked.”

“Of course,” your father said. “We did not mean to—”

“I am tired of this conversation,” you announced. You turned into Coryo and smiled up at him. “Would you like to dance?”

Your mother guffawed. “Women do not ask—”

“Whatever you wish, my Queen,” Coryo said. He kissed you softly, snorting a laugh as your mother continued to blubber in the background. “I would dance with you forever if you should ask for it.”

Coryo led you out to the middle of the dance floor, ignoring your mother’s antics and prying eyes of the ton. He took one hand in his, letting the other settle on your waist. Your free hand came  to rest on his shoulder and the band began to play. As he twirled you around the room, everyone seemed to melt away.

Good. The ton could spread rumors and stories all they like. Your parents could look down on you if they so pleased. But none of that would change the fact that your Coryo looked at you like you were the most brilliant diamond ever mined. None of that would change the fact that, in a society where loveless marriages were commonplace, you found the very thing you dreamed of since you were a girl. 

“I love you, my King,” you said. 

“And I you, my Queen.”

[sunflowergirl522]

#1 Fan

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Famous!Reader

Summary: Corroded Coffin opens for you on tour and you get to see your best friend for the first time in forever.

Word count: 5906

Eddie Masterlist

“I’m sorry you want Corroded Coffin to play where?” Disbelief is thick in Eddie’s voice as he stares wide eyed at the phone's receiver. 

“Mr. Munson, we'd like for your band Corroded Coffin to open for our main act here at the Clyde Theatre June seventeenth.” The amusement is evident in the man on the other end of the call as he repeats what he had already shared but Eddie doesn’t care he’s too much in shock to even notice.

“Am I being punked right now?”

“No sir, Ms. Y/l/n was adamant that if she was going to perform here your band had to be the one to open.” Your last name causes him to still before a wide smile splits across his face.

“Alright we’ll do it but we need some tickets for family you know how it is, first big gig and all.” He tries to act nonchalant instead of freaking out the way he wants to.

“Of course just give us the address to send them to with an idea of how many you need.”

When Eddie hangs up the phone he fist bumps in the air whooping in celebration. This was it, Corroded Coffin's time to shine. And it was apparently all because of you and he couldn’t be more grateful for it. He doesn’t stop to think about it much before he’s calling Gareth to get the other guys around for an emergency band meeting so he can tell them the good news.

Eddie bursts into Steve’s house jittery and late for weekly movie night with everyone. He’s almost an hour late and even though the sound of Robin going ‘finally’ from the other room would normally make him cringe he can’t get himself to feel any sort of shame for being late. He’s in too good of a mood, he’s spent the last few hours celebrating with the guys and trying to start figuring out what songs they’d want to perform. 

“Look who finally decided to show up!”

“Shut up and sit down, Harrington. I’ve got the best news.” 

“Hey!” Eddie trips over Dustin's outstretched legs on his rush to stand in front of the TV. He just offers his friend a sorry smile or at least tries to but he’s so euphoric that it definitely doesn’t come off as apologetic.

“I’m not sure if I like how smug you look right now.” Robin sits up straight from where she was lounging on the couch moving to the edge of her seat, almost kicking Mike in the head while she does so. The boy in question dodged just in time getting El to duck with him so she wouldn’t get hit either. 

“Corroded Coffins gonna be the opener at the Clyde Theatre in five months!” He spreads his arms out as he blurts it as if the excited energy in his body needs another way other than the bouncing on his heels to come out.

“What?!” All of his friends freeze, some mouths gaping, some starting to grin as much as he is. 

“Really?” Eddie nods excitedly looking towards Dustin who fist pumps at the affirmation.

“So I’ve been with the band to tell them and start picking songs to do and we got a little carried away with our celebrating hence me being late.”

“Who are you opening for?” 

“Y/n Y/l/n.” Gasps echo throughout the room and El and Max look at each other in excitement while Robin smacks Steve multiple times in the chest, shocked laughs falling from her mouth.

“You’re punking us right?” Steve asks while grabbing his best friend's hand to stop her excited attack on him. 

“Nope, why would I do that?”

“You’re actually opening for the sensation that is Y/n Y/l/n?”

“Yeah, I’m actually opening for Y/n. Didn’t realize you were that into her stuff Harrington.” If Steve was the same man he was years ago he would’ve cleared his throat and schooled his face to make it seem like he didn’t care.

“How can someone not be into her stuff? It's great! Did you at least score us tickets?”

“Figured you guys would want to come support the band so when I told the guy how many tickets we’d need I included you all in my count but I don’t know if we’ll actually get as many as I asked for. So no guarantees that you’d all be able to go because the guys get some of the tickets too and Wayne and Dustin are definitely getting tickets.”

“Why does Dustin definitely get a ticket?” Mike asks wanting to go see his older friend perform on a big stage more than anything.

“Because I’m his favorite.”

“Actually if I were to pick favorites it’d be Red but I don’t play that way. He gets a ticket because of other reasons.” Other reasons being he picked up the phone in the trailer once when you were calling and Eddie made him a deal that if he didn’t tell anyone he’d get a ticket to the first real concert the band ever did and Dustin took it being Eddie’s biggest fan and all. 

“Max is your favorite?” She sticks her tongue out at Dustin as Eddie just shrugs.

“I see her all the time, she’s the annoying little sister I never had.”

“Okay, fine.” Dustin gets up from his spot on the floor and moves to stand next to him. “Y/n calls Eddie sometimes, they talk.” He emphasizes the word talk and everyone looks at Eddie in shock.

“You know her?” Robin's eyes would be bugging out of her head if this were a cartoon.

“We grew up together and stayed close until she graduated and made it big. So I knew her but now we only talk every once in a blue moon so I don’t really know her anymore.” Eddie explains while shoving Dustin for telling everyone his secret. The boy scoffs before continuing on.

“Once in a blue moon being on birthdays and holidays and then you talk on the phone forever.”

“Eddie I’ve literally played her music around you, you know how much El and I love her, why wouldn’t you tell me you know her?” 

“It’s not really something I want to commercialize. I don’t want people to decide they like me just because I’m friends with someone famous or that they like Corroded Coffin for that same reason. Besides Steve knows her and she knew him, granted that was back when he was still a dick.” Steve cringes at that, he only vaguely remembers you from school but since you were friends with who was considered freaks he never actually interacted with you. “Can we watch the movie now?”

A little after Eddie gets home late that night the phone rings and as he picks it up he gets nervous that it’s the guy from before calling him to say they’ve changed their mind.

“Hello?”

“Is this Mr. Edward Munson? We’re calling about all those tickets you wanted.” Your deepened voice comes through the phone causing a small laugh to fall from his mouth.

“So you heard about the tickets then?”

“Oh yeah, the theatre called and said they wouldn’t be able to give that many tickets away even if it meant you guys wouldn’t open for me.” Eddie cringes a bit at hearing that, looks like he’ll have to be prepared for everyone to start trying to butter him up for a chance to go. “I of course told them to give them to you anyways and I’ll just pay for the portion that they can’t freely give you.”

“You didn’t have to do that just for us Y/n.”

“Eh, I would’ve done it for anyone. Besides I had to make sure the guys would be able to have their families around for this pivotal moment for the band.” On your end of the line you sit on the hotel bed and glance at your nails as you speak. “Oh! I upgraded them to meet and greet tickets too so you better come through and open for me because I miss Wayne. And I wanna meet that kid Dustin so you better bring him along too.”

“We were gonna open for you even if we didn’t get the tickets. This is huge for us and the guys are excited to see you after not hearing from you for so long.”

“Do you not tell them when I tell you to say hi to them for me? I’ve been meaning to send them letters but I haven’t had the time.” 

“Um so I don’t actually tell anyone that we talk.” Eddie scratches the back of his neck sheepishly at the confession.

“What?!” You screech before lowering your voice so as not to wake up your assistant in the room next to yours. “Why not? No wait, that's sort of a stupid question huh? But why wouldn’t you tell the guys? You know I was sending them stuff earlier on and trying to keep in touch with them too.”

“Yeah but then you stopped even calling for a little while and we all thought you got too busy to keep in contact. I didn’t want any of them to feel like I was getting special treatment because of you just calling me.”

“Obviously they’d expect you to get special treatment Eddie, you ar- were my best friend.” You’re quick to correct yourself before you can call him your best friend still. You’re not too sure if he still thinks you are and you definitely don’t talk enough for it to be plainly obvious that the two of you are. It certainly doesn’t help that you still have a stupid giant crush on him even though you haven’t even seen him in years.

“You know I wouldn’t be able to deal with their teasing, I’m sensitive.” Eddie pouts even though you can’t see him but you laugh anyway.

“Yeah right, I’ll believe that when I see it. Alright, I gotta go Eds. I have to go on a morning show tomorrow to talk about the tour. I actually have a lot of press and what not to do and then the tour starts so the next time we talk will probably be the concert itself.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then.”

“See you then. Good night Eddie.”

“Night Y/n.” You both hang up the phone wishing you would’ve heard the nicknames you called each other back before you left town fall from the others lips.

“So Y/n you start your tour soon are you excited?” The last talk show host you have to answer questions from asks from the seat across from you.

“I’m so excited! We hit the road tomorrow for the first show.”

“And this time around you have a show close to your hometown of Hawkins right? I’m sure it’ll be nice to be close to home.” You perk up even more.

“That’s actually the show that I’m the most excited for. Don’t get me wrong, I’m psyched for the whole tour but the band that’s opening for me, Corroded Coffin, holds a special place in my heart.” You talk with your hands the whole time and they eventually land resting on your chest. 

“And why’s that?” 

“Oh, right I always seem to forget that people don’t know this about me but I was really close with them while I was still in school. The lead singer was my best friend, we grew up together, and I grew close to the guys in it now my senior year of high school when they joined it. I was even a part of it a few times.” There’s a goofy grin as you talk about them from thinking about good times with the band and Eddie.

“You were a part of the band?”

“Not all the time but sometimes Eddie would write something that he said would only be good with my voice and I would sing while the rest played. Or I’d stand in for someone if they couldn’t play one night at a gig or something.”

“Have you had much contact with them since you left Indiana?”

“Not as much as I wish I did if I’m being honest. But I get to see all of them at the show in June and when the tour is done I think I’m gonna take a little break from it all and maybe see if they wanna spend some time together and catch up.” Really you want to visit Hawkins in general to see your family and get out of the limelight for a little bit. Because this was honestly exhausting, rewarding and everything you’ve ever wanted in life but exhausting. You’re so glad this is the last interview you have for a while. And even with the really nice apartment you have in New York you just want to go home to good food and warm hugs from your two favorite men in their shabby trailer.

“So all of your openers for each show are different, most not even heard of before, why is that?” The interviewer changes topics to get back on track 

“Well I know that my whole becoming famous this was a fluke and how hard it is for bands and solo musicians to get discovered when they start in someone's basement or garage. So I wanted to bring some of the ones I’ve discovered in my own travels into the spotlight a little bit, maybe give them a nudge in the right direction of getting noticed. So each one of the openers are undiscovered artists from the general area of where we’re performing.” You speak with your hands again, unable to contain your excited energy. This was your favorite thing about this tour. “It’s actually one of the reasons it took me so long to announce it, I was going to places I hadn’t really been before to find underground artists. There’s a little bit of everything genre wise throughout all of it.”

“She literally seems so nice.” Max says with El agreeing with her as they watch the interview on the floor of Eddie’s trailer. Max tends to hang around his trailer most of the time now that he’s taken on the role of the older brother Billy should’ve been. She doesn’t even knock anymore and invites El over as if it’s her own. Eddie doesn’t have an issue with it though, he’d rather she hang around and feel at home in his trailer than sit in an empty trailer and get stuck in her head and besides he likes the super powered girl she calls her best friend. The last thing he wanted was for her to go through another PTSD episode alone.

The man laying on the couch behind the two girls looks at them from behind his book. They’re both looking at him expecting some sort of response. Eddie shrugs, sitting up and placing his book on his knee stretching his arms behind his back.

“This whole tour idea thing isn’t something I knew about but it’s definitely a Y/n move. She’s always been someone who cared about others and their dreams. She’s one of the kindest people you’ll ever meet, that’s probably why she made it big so fast after graduating. Good Karma and all that.” 

“I can’t believe you might not take us to the concert.”

“Oh, did I not tell anyone yet? We’re getting the amount of tickets I asked for and they’re all meet and greets now because Y/n upgraded them.” Both girls' eyes go wide and their mouths open and close like they’re fish out of water.

“So we’re, we’re meeting her?” El’s the first one to speak during their stunned silence.

“Ya.” Eddie barely has time to move his book from his knee and onto the couch next to him before he’s getting tackled in hugs. 

“Oh my god you’re the best! We have to tell Steve and Robin, can you drive us to Family Video?”

“Fine but only if you let me tell them.” 

It’s busy inside of Family Video when they get there. Everyone must be there for the new movie that just came out to VHS that Eddie can’t remember the name of. The girls hop out of the van before he can even finish parking it and he has to speed walk to catch up with them at the doors. Inside they find Steve stocking a shelf  and Robin stuck behind the counter with a line of customers to deal with.

“Steve!”

“Oh, hey girls, what are you doing here?”

“Eddie has something to tell you.” Max shoves Eddie towards Steve and he smiles and shakes his head knowing the minute he starts talking she’s just going to interrupt him.

“I got-”

“He got all the tickets he asked for and we’re all going to see him open for Y/n.”

“And we get to meet her.” El adds on and Steve’s eyes widen.

“What?!” He drops the movies he was juggling in his arms causing people from the aisle to look at him. “Shit. Eddie tell me they aren’t lying.”

“Nothing but the truth.” A choked sound comes out of his mouth as Steve picks up the movies he dropped and puts them on the shelves quickly and haphazardly. He rushes over to Robin getting behind the counter and spinning her to face him instead of the customer she’s ringing out.

“Steve what is it? I’m a little busy here after losing that rock paper scissors match. Sorry about this.” She turns back towards the customer as she addresses him.

“Robin, Robin listen to me. Look at me. We’re going to meet Y/n Y/l/n when we go to the concert.”

“What?!”

After months of perfecting their songs and getting ready for the concert it was finally time to hit the road for Fort Wayne. The band is packing up the van with their stuff in front of Gareth's house when the gang pulls up in front of it piled in Steve’s mini van, which he decided to get when he realized he’d be driving more than just Robin around all the time after Nancy left for college.

“Don’t you have a hotel to check into Harrington?” He calls out as Robin's window rolls down and Steve leans over to say something.

“Mike and Dustin wanna go with you, something about not wanting to listen to all of us sing on the way up. Is there room in the van for them?” 

“Jeff’s driving the guys up because we’ve got the amps and stuff in the van so I have the passenger seat free.”

“Dibs!” Dustin yells practically pouring out of the full minivan in his rush to get it first.

“Eddie, what if I sit in the space between the seats?” Mike begs as he stands half in and out of the car. 

“It’ll be a little cramped but sure you-” He stops speaking as Mike slams the door shut and rushes to Eddie’s van to be able to get in. “Lucas, you wanna try to jam yourself in there too?”

“I’ll stick to having my own space instead of being stuck so close to you three but thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” Eddie shrugs before placing the last amp into the back and shutting the doors.

“Does this mean we’re meeting you at the hotel first or is it still the venue?”

“Still the venue, I wanna get this shit out of the van as soon as possible and make sure I won’t forget chords or anything. These twerps will just have to suffer with not picking which of the rooms that Steve got they sleep in.”

“Sure it’s about the chords.” Gareth laughs as he gets in the passenger seat of Jeff’s car.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eddie’s face scrunches up in confusion and Steve picks that moment to peel down the street wanting to miss the fight he thought might break out.

“Probably that you’re just hoping to see Y/n sooner and using everything else as an excuse.” Adam teases getting in the back seat and Eddie freezes like a deer in headlights.

“No that, that’s not what this is.”

“Whatever it is Eddie, let her know we’re excited to see her.” Jeff winks before pulling out of the driveway.

“What was that about?” 

“Shut up and get in the car Wheeler.” Dustin laughs at how grumpy his friend seems at how his band saw right through him deciding to keep any thoughts he might have to himself. He’ll let Mike realize everything himself if they do actually meet Y/n.

Between Mike and Dustin deciding they needed to go to the bathroom at different times of the drive and insisting they stop in a drive thru to eat since they’re missing dinner with Steve and everyone else going with Eddie the drive up, which was only supposed to be about an hour, ends up being close to two hours. Eddie never thought he could hate his friends this much as they pull into the backlot for the venue to see Jeff’s car already there parked next to the tour bus that has to be yours. Okay hate is a strong word, he’s just so annoyed with them at the moment that he wants to yell. As they get out of the van Eddie makes his way around it to open the back doors.

“Where do you two think you’re going?” He stops them in their tracks in their attempt to escape their annoyed friend. They turn to look at him, Mike cringing at the look on Eddie’s face. “Get over here and help unload.” Eddie hands each boy a guitar case and a part of Gareth's drum set. “When you get in there tell the guys to get their asses out here.”

“On it.” Dustin salutes him before leading Mike into the building.

“He’s really in a mood huh?”

“He’s just pissed because we prevented him from possibly seeing Y/n early. He’ll get over it.” Dustin shrugs as he talks to Mike knowing that he’s right but hoping it’s sooner rather than later.

“Did you guys see her already?” Eddie asks the guys after a while of silently unloading the van with them.

“Yeah, we got here early enough to talk to her, she just went to start her sound check though.” Gareth laughs at the groan Eddie lets out as he realizes if he were here even ten minutes earlier he would’ve seen her.

“How is she?”

“She’s good, she looks and sounds great too.”

“Shut up.” Eddie slams the back door shut instead of shoving Jeff like he wants to for teasing him like this.

“She also made sure to let us know all about how the two of you talk and you purposely don’t tell us when she asks about us.”

“She’s such a fucking tattler. Now move it gentlemen I’ve got kids to strangle before we do our own sound check.” He knows that even though there will be an hour between when their sound check ends and the show starts he won’t see you then. If he still knows you the way he used to you’ll be napping because you didn’t really sleep the night before. So he won’t see you until after the show, he’s hoping he’ll get lucky and see you in between their set and your own but he knows that’s a long shot too.

Eddie’s still buzzing from the applause and cheers they got by the time you get on stage to perform. It was unlike anything he’s ever experienced. All of their instruments and equipment have been piled up and placed in the area to the exit but the moment Eddie heard the cheers for you to get on stage it was like he was under a spell. Next thing he knew he was as close as he could get to it from backstage and watching you look like you’re having the time of your life. He’s absolutely enchanted with watching you move around the stage.

“Hey Eddie, let’s get everything in the van.” Jeff suggests once he realizes that the concert’s almost over. Like him the rest of the band also just stopped to watch you perform. The thought of all of their stuff still sitting out had completely blanked their minds since they were all just happy to see you again after so long.

“Huh?”

“Yeah the shows almost over now, we should probably get everything packed up before everyone starts leaving.” Gareth laughs at how absorbed Eddie is with you as he agrees with his bandmate.

“It’s almost over?”

“Yeah man come on. You don’t want to be stuck packing it up when we’re supposed to be seeing her when she’s done right?” Adam’s words break him out of his trance and Eddie’s whirling around to make his way out.

“Come on numbskulls what are you doing standing around we have a van to pack up.”

To you the concert goes by so fast and before you know it you’re being ushered into the meet and greet area in the back waiting for some of your favorite people to show up. You greet a few fans that paid for their meet and greet tickets and sign a few things, take a few photos. But there aren’t many that weren’t part of Eddie’s group of tickets because they took up most of that type of ticket. Sure you basically sold out your own meet and greets for this show which was already limited due to the venue's rules and the headlines would probably have a field day if they knew that but you’re allowed to be happy and have things without having people who don’t even know you call you selfish.

“Wayne!” You almost squeal when you spot the man who was like a second father to you entering the room. A smile overtakes your face as you finish signing a poster for the last fan before turning and meeting him halfway wrapping your arms around him.

“Hey there kid!” He wraps you up into one of your favorite bear hugs and it feels so much like home that you want to cry. “How have you been?”

“Good, what about you? Eddie’s not driving you too crazy is he?” He chuckles as you pull away.

“Nah, not too crazy. I think you’ve got people who want to meet you though.” He steps aside and your attention goes to the group behind him, some of whom seem starstruck.

“Hi, are you guys a part of Eddie’s group?” You wave to them all with a smile on your face.

“So he does actually know her.”

“Shut up Steve.” The older two of the group seem to try to whisper while the girl digs her elbow into Steve’s side. One of the younger ones rolls his eyes and is the first to approach you.

“Hi I’m Dustin.”

“Dustin! Hi, it’s nice to put a face to the voice.”

“Same here. I guess I’ll introduce these guys since most of them are idiots.” He turns back towards the group and starts with the two younger girls in the front of the group who are bouncing with excitement.

“El and Max.” Your mouth moves as if you’re saying ‘oh’ but nothing comes out and your eyes widen slightly. 

“You’re Max? I’ve heard a lot about you, Eddie talks about you all the time.”

“Oh my god you know who I am?” The boys in the group's eyes widen due to how high pitched and excited her voice sounds. It’s so out of character for her to them.

“Course I do, if I didn’t grow up with Eddie I’d probably think the two of you were brother and sister with how often he brings you up when we talk.”

“Can I hug you?”

“Of course!” You open her arms for her and only start to part when she initiates the break the way you normally do with fans. “I know a little bit about you too El, but not as much sorry.”

“Do not be sorry. It’s crazy that you know anything.” You hold your arms out for her with an encouraging smile and embrace her when she makes her way for a hug.

“It’s nice to meet you both.”

“Mike and Lucas.” Dustin points to two of the younger boys.

“Ah, the other Hellfire members right?” They both nod and go to shake your hand. When Dustin goes to introduce the others you stop him. “Wait, I think I can figure out the rest of them. You’re Will Byers right? You went missing my senior year and I had photography with your brother.”

“Yeah, Jonathan always said you were really nice and about how worried you were when I was missing.”

“I went to your funeral too. I wanted to help support Johnny the best I could. How is he doing?”

“He’s good.” Will smiles at how you ask about his brother, glad to know he had a friend there for him then he knows how few Jonathan actually has. “It’s an honor to meet you seriously, you’re one of my favorite musicians.” A lot of people tell you that you’re their favorite but it warms your heart to hear it each and every time.

“And then you’re Robin?” 

“Yes! It is so so so cool to be able to meet you! I listen to your music like all the time!” Her excitement causes you to beam at her.

“I’m sorry if we did and I forgot but did we meet in school at all? Your face just seems so familiar.”

“No, we’ve never met. I would've definitely remembered that. But I was in Jonathan’s grade and in band so you might’ve seen me at pep rallies and stuff.” You snap your fingers and point excitedly.

“That’s where I recognize you from! Not the pep rallies, god Eddie and I hated those things. I joined band for like barely even a couple months before quitting my junior year which would’ve been your freshman year.”

“So you were in band with me?”

“It wouldn’t have been for long and I didn’t really interact with anyone when I would go but yeah.”

“That’s so cool!” She lunges at you for a hug before quickly pulling back. “Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s fine, you can hug me.” You barely get the last word out before she’s jumping on you for another hug and causing you to laugh.

“And you’re Steve the hair Harrington. I definitely remember you, never would’ve thought you’d be at one of my shows.” Your eyes narrow and you cross your arms over your chest. Steve rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Yeah, look-” He gets interrupted by the door to the room swinging open.

“You guys took way too long, it’s like you’re trying to kill me or something.” As soon as he’s in the room yours and Eddie’s eyes meet and the biggest smiles overtake your faces.

“Eddie Bear!” You rush past Steve and Robin bumping his shoulder as you run to jump into Eddie’s arms.

“Sweetheart! You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

“Bet I missed you more. You’re the one with the giant friend group now, I bet you forget all about little ol’ me all the time.”

“I could never.” He whispers it into your hair holding you closer than either of you thought possible and yet not close enough. The two of you stay like that for a while before Dustin clears his throat causing the two of you to separate. “Did you meet everyone yet?” He grasps onto your hand like a lifeline as he leads the way over to his friends.

“Yeah, I was just getting reintroduced to Steve before you came in.”

“You would not believe how different he is now than back in high school. He’s like a brand new man.”

“Really?”

“Would I really be friends with him if he wasn’t?”

“You have a point there.”

“You guys know I’m still here right?” Steve joins in, astonished at how in your own world the two of you are. He’s never seen Eddie like this with anyone or anything other than his music and when he’s DMing.

“Well it’s nice to meet the new you Steve.” You hold your hand out for him to shake, hiding a yawn with your other.

“You’re tired.”

“I’m fine.” You roll your eyes at Eddie’s observation knowing he’s about to get all protective.

“No you’re not, you need to sleep. Are you staying at a hotel tonight or on your bus?”

“Overprotective Munson is back!” Gareth jeers as he swings an arm around your shoulder causing the rest of the band and yourself to laugh.

“I’m staying on the bus. But I really wanted to meet all your friends.”

“Well you’ve met them, you’ve greeted them. Now it’s time for you to rest for your next show.” He tries to steer you towards the exit but you stand your ground.

“An introduction isn’t a proper meeting, I want to get to know them.”

“And you can when you come home after your tour. You have what, two other shows left? You can talk to them more in three days when you end up staying at the trailer.”

“Fine.” You sigh out and take your hand out of his so you can go hug Wayne again. “I’ll see you soon Wayne.”

“See ya kid. We’ll keep the trailer warm for ya.” You smile and wave to the rest of them before following Eddie out to the back parking lot, your hand back in his own.

“I really have missed you a lot, you know.” Eddie’s thumb rubs circles around the back of your hand as he walks you to the bus.

“I have too. I haven’t really felt at home since leaving Hawkins till I got a hug from Wayne and you.”

“Really? But Hawkins is awful.”

“Yeah, but home is where the heart is y'know?”

“Sweetheart, are you saying I’ve got your heart?” Eddie stops only a few steps from the bus entrance.

“Now hold on that’s not what-”

“Oh not what you meant huh? So if I were to ask you on a date for when you come home you’d say no?” He’s teasing you know it but you can tell he’s serious about the date by the look in his eyes.

“I’d be crazy to say no to a date with the lead singer of my favorite band. I am your number one fan after all.” He pulls you closer to rest his forehead on your own.

“And I’m yours, always have been, always will be.” You smile at each other and when you go to kiss him he places a finger on your lips. “Nuh uh, you need to rest. We’ll save the smooching for our date. I’ll see you then.” He pulls back and starts walking away.

“I hate you Edward Munson!” He turns, smiling at you and continuing to walk backward.

“You love me!”

 “Yeah, I do.” You say it just for yourself but he hears it and can’t stop the beaming smile on his face the whole rest of the night.

Eddie Taglist (Closed): @sadbitchfangirl @notbeforelong @munsonswhore86 @navs-bhat @emotionaldreamer @magicalchocolatecheesecake @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @fangirling-4-ever  @gaysludge @audhd-dragonaut @eddiethesexy  @mazerunnerrose @tvserie-s-world @midnightsgetawaycar  @goldylions​ @spacedoutdaydreamer  @livslifeonline @mushroomelephant @hb8301 @ginnupp @saramelaniemoon @kaylshunter @nojamsonmytoast @vintagehellfire @esoltis280 @spikedhe4rt @let-love-bleeds-red @siriuslysmoking @toobsessedsstuff @alana4610 @gretavanfleas @sparkletash @aactuaaltraash @gloryekaterina @quixscentsposts @wormm-mom @eddiemuns0nl0ver @spookyemorockbabe​

Everything Taglist: @bejeweledmastermind @matchamunson @bubsonnobx @practicalghost @katsukis1wife @crustyowos @yourfavdummy @protecteddiemunson4vr

[doodlingaway]

Bridgerton S3 Thoughts So Far

I have approximately a million thoughts. They are not terribly well organized, but here we go.

(Spoilers ahead, obv)

I am obsessed with the Kanthony snippets. They have ruined me. Words cannot describe my joy and just the amount of flailing that I have done. THESE TWOOOOO I LOVE THEMMMM 🥰🫠

Specifically obsessed with the idea that they are just too horny to function and that's why they're not in most of the episodes. Go off, you sluts. ❤️‍🔥

THEIR HAND OBSESSION I CANNOT. Toying with a fic idea about this, I love it so much.

We knew this about Anthony, but love that they've solidified him as a man obsessed with eating out his wife, thank youuuuuu

Colin and Pen are so cute! I love them and am really digging how they adapted RMB so far. And THE CARRIAGE SCENE HOLY HELL 🥵

(But also RIP my dreams of virgin!Colin, what a hoe)

I low key love Lord Debling, he's so sweet. Not for Penelope at the expense of Colin, but like, I love him and kinda want him as a practical match for Cressida so she can escape her dumb family.

Speaking of Cressida, who else got queer vibes off the Eloise/Cressida friendship??? Granted I am not an objective observer, I have been stanning for a queer Eloise story since like day fucking one of this series, but like, come on. I don't love her and Eloise as a long-term match, but if this is how I can get my bb Eloise out of the closet, I am fully on board.

Penelope and Eloise!! 🥺 It hurts so much I just want them to be friends again! Tbh, this friendship rift feels like as much of a beating emotional heart of this season as the main Polin story, and I am HERE FOR IT. All for anything that shows that platonic love between friends can be equally important/impactful/heartbreaking/fulfilling as romantic love!

JOHN AND FRANCESCA!!! 🥰🥹🥺😭 Honestly, how dare they make me love them as a pair so much when we know what happens to him?? But I love what Hannah Dodd is doing with Fran and this makes me SO EXCITED (but scared) for her eventual season.

These storylines that I loved aside, there are TOO MANY UNNECESSARY STORYLINES. I like Will and Alice as characters, but I didn't need their storyline. The whole "Featherington sisters don't know how to fuck" was funny once or twice for comic relief, but I do not need a whole thing of it. I ADORE Ben, but like, what are we doing here with Lady Arnold? I fully support Violet getting some action and am intrigued by whatever the deal is with Lady D and her brother, but I could take or leave most of the Marcus Anderson stuff at this point. I just wish that they had cut a few of these and spent more time with Colin and Pen and/or Pen and Eloise (or I would never complain about more Kanthony, but I can acknowledge that they're not the focus of the season, so fine).

I'm super glad they took the note on season 2 not being horny enough and were like WE'RE DIALING IT UP TO 10 🔥 Everybody get you some action this season, we love to see it.

All of this said, I'm super enjoying it so far and DYING THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE MONTH FOR THE SECOND HALF! 🫠 Excited/terrified to see how they handle the Whistledown (wo)manhunt, and forever grateful for the romance genre where you know it ends in an HEA.

I'm off to write some fic to cope (and I hope you all do the same so I can enjoy yours!). And I would love to know others' thoughts - I've been loving to see everyone's reactions, even where they're different from mine!

[lbulldesigns]

r/relationships

How do I convince my 20-year-old son that I'm serious about kicking him out if he doesn't agree to therapy?

25th of May, 2021

I know that the title sounds bad but please bear with me, this is my first time using Reddit.

I (43 M) am the proud, single father to four children. V (23 F), P (18 F), and twins M and C (20 M). V, C, and M are my bio children (from different mothers) and P is my adoptive daughter and V's bio sister (same mother).

The girl's mother and I had an ugly break-up because I was dumb and panicked when I found out I was going to be a father for the first time with V, at the time I refused to take responsibility and ended up breaking my then girlfriend's heart. Because I never took responsibility, I never accepted my parental rights when my eldest V was born. I paid Child support but that was about it, and then a year and a half into my idiocy I got into a pretty bad accident and was declared dead for two minutes. Doctors at the time were able to resuscitate me and using a series of experimental drugs was able to save my life, however, I now need to live the rest of my life as a shifter (wolf).

This was something I struggled to accept for some time but eventually, I came to accept my new way of life and condition. I spent a year going through intense therapy and seminars, and through this time I had two major revelations. 1) I had failed spectacularly as a man and father, and 2) I didn't want to ever die with regret again.

The first thing I did when getting through my therapy was reach out to my ex and establish contact with my daughter, I was FINALLY ready to take responsibility but was too late. My ex had found someone new, someone who wasn't afraid to step up and do what I wasn't willing to do. He took responsibility for my daughter, and she was calling him Daddy instead of me. I won't lie this hurt but I swallowed my pride and accepted that it was no one's fault but my own.

My ex wasn't willing to disrupt V's worldview just to cater to my change of mind, which I accepted, but she was willing to slowly integrate me into her life on the condition that we didn't reveal anything until our daughter was old enough to understand. Which I agreed to.

Her husband was a good man and wanted to make this situation work for everyone, there was a bit of awkwardness when V would run up to him for hugs and look at me as a stranger (which I was) but he never rubbed it in my face or ever got antagonistic with me. I had, and still have, a great deal of respect for the man and I will forever be grateful to him for doing what I was too bullheaded to do.

Half a year after I became a father to my twin boys, a one-night stand who never informed me of the pregnancy and just left the two on my business's doorstep. Two years after that, my ex gave birth to P and I was named her and V's Godfather after my ex witnessed how quick I was to take responsibility for the boys after getting a paternity test done and it coming back positive.

And then five years after, my ex and her husband were shot dead by two trigger-happy Enforcers and they, in an attempt to cover their tracks, buried the girls in the foster system it took a year to find them both. They had been separated at some point and it was a miracle that I found either let alone both of them. After I found them, I made quick work to adopt both of them and go from a single father of two to a single father of four.

It was rough, I'm not gonna lie, V was angry at the world, P was scared of the world, and my boys were confused but C managed to adjust quickly and whilst M took to V he had an instant dislike for P.

I had explained to the boys that V was their bio sister, this secret came out to V when she was found by a friend of mine and as a result, was angry and confused about everything. M accepted this but kept asking why we were taking P if she wasn't family, which I quickly corrected that she was family.

My condition seemed to be a huge concern for P's therapist, who tried to convince P that I was untrustworthy and abusive. P told me what her therapist said and the woman was investigated and proven to be biased towards anyone who wasn't 100% human.

I tried to get P back into therapy but nothing ever worked out, she had a strong distrust for them and was also influenced by V who was adamant about not going to therapy. I know I should have continued their therapy but they seemed okay on their own after a while, both girls would open up to me about their problems and V was able to find an outlet for her anger through boxing, which I taught until she was old enough to join a team around her age group.

P in turn took up learning gymnastics and even won a few competitions, she also took up art and was a natural science whizz.

I apologize for the long story but wanted to give some insight into my family. Whilst we were able to find some stable ground, there have been some issues outside of the initial teething stage. The first obstacle was the girl's maternal uncle (42 M), he had been an old friend of mine since childhood. His sister was my ex and after I abandoned my responsibilities to his sister and niece, we lost touch. He and his sister had a falling out, I don't know the specifics, and he was never contacted when his sister died. When he found out I had both girls he wanted custody of them, but because my name was on V's birth certificate and P was attached to V, the court saw fit to grant custody to me with visitation rights granted to Sil (maternal uncle).

The second obstacle we had was my son M. As I mentioned he took an instant dislike to P, and despite my hopes that deep down he cared for her, never warmed up to her presence in our lives.

He would constantly make her cry with his insults, and he for a time would hide her school projects from her (which stopped after the fifth time when I confiscated his game console and laptop).

I tried for a long time to get him to bond with P and explain to him that his behavior was harmful, I spoke with his school counselor to get him some unbiased opinions on his behavior, and when I would bring up therapy he would retort that if I wasn't making the girls go to therapy then I shouldn't be making him go. None of my tactics seemed to work and the more I admonished him the meaner he would be towards my youngest. After some time I decided to reward him if he didn't bully his sister, which seemed to work for a while, but now I am wondering if I didn't just make him more subtle about his bullying.

About a week ago I was in my kitchen preparing dinner when I heard a loud banshee-like scream and a loud thump. I went running into my entryway where I found P on top of M hitting him again and again shouting that she hated him. I was taken by surprise by this and pulled P off of M, it was surprisingly difficult to do so because she was determined to pummel him. I'm not proud of this but I ended up taking her by the shoulders and growling at her to calm down, which she did but she looked scared and I saw that she was ready to either fight or run, I started to tell her to get out of the house for a bit and go stay at her friends to cool off but all I got out was "Get out" before she bolted from the house. I shouted after her to go to her friend's house but she was already gone.

After checking up on M and taking him to the hospital (he was fine, just some bruising and blood) I interrogated him about what happened after he blew up at me for always "going easy" on P, and he said that P was crying so he called her a crybaby. This felt extreme on her part but I knew that there was something else at play and decided to ask her the next day when I saw her. I said that P shouldn't have attacked him but asked M why he insulted her rather than ask if she was okay, and he just said "She's always crying. I can't walk past her room without hearing her cry. She is a crybaby" I felt disturbed and still feel disturbed and disappointed by his lack of empathy.

At this point, I felt something had to give and I gave him an ultimatum. Therapy or leave the house.

I know I shouldn't have given an ultimatum but P is 18 and struggling with a few personal things (I won't elaborate) and her unemployed 20-year-old brother constantly being on her back wasn't helping.

I'll try to dot point everything that happened afterwards because this is getting really long:

I went to see P the next day and found out she never went to her friend's (ex-friends?) house. I should have called and made sure she was there but she always goes to his house when upset so I just assumed she was there. No words can describe how shameful I feel for not checking.

We went to the Enforcers but they "couldn't help".

We discovered that P had at some point snuck back into the house grabbed some of her belongings and left a note saying she was leaving, and her being 18 means that we can't make a missing persons report because she's left voluntarily.

M refuses to speak to me because he feels betrayed by my ultimatium, which I'm still holding up.

I've felt like absolute dirt for the past week, and am absolutely wrecked with guilt over P.

A few hours ago my son C showed me a post from r/offmychest where M was talking about how he hopes P never comes back home, and is talking about going NC with me.

I know that he isn't taking me seriously with the ultimatium. I know I probably shouldn't still be holding true to said ultimatium but something needs to give.

He is 20, he can't keep going through life with this lack of empathy.

I plan on talking to him soon.

What can I say or do to make him see that I am serious?

And how can I do it in a way that won't tear my family apart even more than it already is?

[fuckyeaharizonacoyotes]

Unfortunately, my first post back is also my last one. There is a part of me that feels some guilt for not updating this account since 2017, so apologies for not sticking around.

With that said, I would like to thank everyone who has ever interacted with this blog.

...

I became a fan in the summer of 2009. I spent that summer trying to remember names and faces, reading up on the team’s history and figuring out what games I hope my family and I would attend. Every time we went to a game, the Coyotes would win- I literally thought I was some sort of good luck charm. Delusional, I know, but it only fueled my love for the team. Everything really felt official when my dad got me an Oliver Ekman-Larsson jersey after the 2012 playoffs. A player who I’ve watched get drafted, get called up and score his first goal. My favorite player. A couple years later, I got the jersey signed by him, something so simple that I will cherish forever.

At the moment, I feel numb. I know this sounds selfish considering how fortunate the Coyotes were given the multiple chances compared to other teams. Relocation of any team sucks even when I say that as a Coyotes fan. Now I can say that I share their pain, unfortunately. It’s almost as if these past few years of constant relocation rumors would have helped me somewhat prepare for if or when the time comes. Needless to say, I’m am not prepared.

As time winds down, it will slowly start to hit me that this is actually happening to a team that has meant so much to me for half of my life. I got to witness countless goals, comebacks, hat tricks (one of them being Shane Doan’s) and whiteouts. These memories will always live with me and I am forever grateful to have experienced these moments either in person or from the comfort of my home. I’m also grateful for the players who had stuck with this team through thick and thin. The ones who signed on when things weren’t looking up, the ones who continued to play hard in the mist of losing streaks and especially the ones who said they wanted to stay a Coyote.

I know no one from the team will read this but from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for giving me something to cheer for and for the memories. It truly means more than anyone could ever know.

With tonight being the last Coyotes game, here is my final LET’S GO COYOTES! ♥️

[wowbright]

Fic: Home for Christmas

Fandom/pairing: Glee, Kurt/Blaine

Event: December Klaine Fanworks Challenge 2023

Prompt: I'll Be Home For Christmas

Words: ~650 words                                  

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: On Blaine’s second Christmas as a missionary, he calls the Anderson clan. But first, he calls Kurt.

Notes: This is part of my Mormon!Klaine universe. It takes place after Out of Eden, which I am still in the process of posting to AO3. It’s among the likely possibilities for their future.

* * *

Christmas was as perfect as it could get on a mission. Blaine spent the day at the refugee center, playing with kids and chatting with the adults who didn't know German, but knew English. He and his companion came here at least twice a week now; President Steele had increased their service hours to ten a week so they could help out with the church’s refugee efforts. And because it was Christmas, they were allowed to spend even more time volunteering.

This was the kind of missionary work Blaine loved—sharing Christ's love not by preaching, but by helping to put smiles on the faces of people who had every reason to frown.

Unfortunately, they couldn't spend forever there. In the evening, they returned to their apartment to make their twice-a-year phone calls home. Blaine’s companion went into the bedroom for his call, shutting the door behind him. Blaine stayed in the kitchen and removed his contraband phone from its hiding place in his bag. He would call Arizona in a few minutes, but first he had someone else to talk to.

“Blaine! I'm so glad you got a chance to call! Merry Christmas!” Kurt’s voice was effervescent. It made Blaine feel light and bubbly inside. He was so grateful to Elder Nixon for convincing him to buy this phone.

“Me too. My companion is in the bedroom now calling his folks, and the door is closed. I love Christmas!” Blaine was already smiling so hard, he could feel a pleasant ache in his cheeks.

"Have you already called your folks?”

“No, he thinks that's what I'm doing now. And I will call them, but I had to hear your voice first. So tell me all about your Christmas!”

“Well—” Kurt launched into a warm and funny story about a candy cane incident involving his dad and aunt. “And yesterday’s caroling at the senior center with the old members of the glee club was fun. Most of our audience really seemed to enjoy it, but my favorite was the old lady who hated us. They had a big table of craft supplies for making decorations, and she kept taking the pipe cleaners and folding them up in suggestive designs and then throwing them at us. And she had the most creative insults! Really spunky! I can only aspire to be so charismatic in my old age.”

Blaine chuckled. Kurt was one of a kind.

“Now, tell me about your day,” Kurt said. “What did you do? I hope you didn't have to sit through an uncomfortable Christmas dinner with a family you hardly know. I hated those. I always felt like I was imposing.”

"It was great!” Blaine told Kurt all about it. They texted regularly, so Kurt was familiar with many of the names and personalities. But talking was special. Blaine didn't get many chances where he was alone enough that he could carry on a conversation out loud on his verboten phone.

“I'm so glad you're getting to volunteer more,” Kurt said. “You sound really happy.”

“I am, when I'm working with them. Some of the other stuff is still hard, but whenever I can help people, everything gets better,” Blaine said. “I still miss you, though. A lot.”

“I know. I miss you, too. I don't say it much, because I don't want to do anything that would pull you back home before you’re ready. But I’ll be really, really happy to see you and hold you and kiss you and … Well, my dad’s in the next room. I can't get too graphic. But I'm looking forward to all that when you get back, Blaine.”

Blaine felt himself blushing—out of delight more than modesty. “Me, too. And I can't wait to be home with you next Christmas.”

“Oh?” Kurt’s tone was flirtatious. “Whose home? Yours or mine?”

“It doesn't matter. Anywhere you are is home to me, Kurt.”

[nicosraf]

tomorrow 7th is going to be a year since ABM was published isn't it? how do you feel about it and all you have achieved? and also I think I read some time ago that it's also your birthday, happy birthday! :) hope you can celebrate it in company of your loved ones y que cumplas muchos más, and congrats also on finishing writing A&M!!!! ilysm <3

(now is when it's not your birthday and i just dreamed it)

Agh it's already November 7th. Yes, it's my birthday ! It's also a year since the original ABM release ! Wow wow wow

How do I feel about ABM.... Hm. I'm reading A&M and eating right now and... hm.

My life has changed really radically in a year. Things are a mess ! Real life relationship are strained, I've had people online invade my privacy and harass me, others take advantage of me. I never liked bookish spaces too much and now I feel extra unsafe in them. Writing used to be my only safe, personal space. Now it's exceedingly public. It was one of the worst things that could have happened to my mental health; I can't stop being paranoid and self-destructive. I have more responsibilities now that I ever imagined. The couple months I spent in publishing limbo were also... well, terrible. ABM itself is like a ticking time bomb; I can't hide it forever. When I get exposed to my real life family and friends, I imagine the worst.

ALL OF THIS SAID, (!!!!!!!!!)

I've received more love than I ever have before in my life.

I'm really grateful for anyone who's ever reached out to me. And I'll always be happy with Angels Before Man as a book. It's what I always wanted it to be, and it's a good portrait of my heart when I wrote it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should nuke my online presence, but I like being here for people. I like talking about my book and its angels. So! Here I am!! And I'm really really happy. I'm terrified and very sad sometimes but I'm also happy. Knowing there are people that like my book (and those who feel seen by it or even healed in some sort of way) makes up for all the scary feelings associated with it. So I'm glad :) Happy birthday, ABM .....

Thank you for the birthday wishes!!! Mando abrazos y angelitos también

[sequinsmile-x]

Followed My Fears All the Way Down

It was terrifying having so much of her happiness dependent on him, on the life they were building together.

-x-

This is a birthday present for my dear friend @ssa-sparks! I am forever grateful that this fandom brought me you. You make me laugh every day, put up with my nonsense and love my cat just as much as I do. You're without a doubt one of my favourite people on the entire planet, and I cannot wait to actually hang out in person sometime soon <3

I hope you enjoy this, it has all your favourite things - including, our idiots in love being in brief peril 😉

-x-

Words: 4k

Warnings: Canon typical violence/injury, mentions of blood, main character whump

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“Em, we need to go.” 

She groans in response, checking herself over in the mirror one more time, and she hears Aaron chuckle as he walks into the ensuite of their hotel room. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her back against him as he kisses her temple, his eyes meeting hers in the mirror. 

“Can we just stay in here?” she asks, placing her hands over his, linking their fingers together over her abdomen, “Sleep some more,” she raises her eyebrows suggestively, “maybe make out a little.” 

Aaron chuckles again, “I thought you said this was the worst motel you’d ever been in,” he says, moving his hands to her hips as he turns her to face him, “Something about me being more comfortable than the bed.” 

They’d been in a small town in Ohio for five days, and the whole team were getting frustrated at feeling like they were getting nowhere. All of them missing their homes and their families. Emily and Aaron were grateful that the team now knew about them, having come clean about their relationship just a month prior, because it meant they could openly share a room. In the four months since they first got together, they’d snuck into each other's rooms, leaving early in the morning so they wouldn’t get caught. Now they got to wake up together and get ready side by side as they did back home where they spent more and more of their time at his place. 

She smiles, nodding as she wraps her arms around his neck, “I stand by it,” she leans in to kiss him, her lips quickly stamped against his, “I guess we’ll just have to solve this case and go home, your bed is much better than that piece of crap in there.” 

He smiles at her, not addressing the fact that she’d just referred to his apartment as home before he kisses her once more before stepping back, “You ready to go?” 

She nods in response and steps past him back into the bedroom, “At least if we are here another day or so I’ll get out of the event my mother is hosting this weekend.” 

The mention of it makes him falter slightly. She’d been complaining about it for weeks, the mere thought of spending an evening with her mother, surrounded by people who said so much but talked so little, enough to make her go a little crazy. Which is why he had hesitated in telling her the very thing he was about to bring up. 

“About that,” he says, stepping up behind her as she secures her gun and badge, “Your mother called me.” 

She freezes, her body tensing as his words register, and she turns to look at him, one of her eyebrows raised, “What? When?” 

“A couple of days ago,” he admits, clearing his throat as he watches her eyes widen, a humourless chuckle escaping her. 

“You spoke to her a couple of days ago and you’re only just telling me?” 

He blows out a breath, placing his hands on his hips, swallowing down the irritation that sparks in his belly. 

“We’ve been busy.” 

She scoffs, shaking her head at him, “We spend pretty much all of our time together, Aaron. Are you seriously telling me you haven’t had the chance to tell me you spoke to my mother?” She crosses her arms over her chest and clenches her jaw, the familiar defensiveness climbing up the back of her neck as it always did when her mother came up, “What did you even talk about?” 

“He asked me if I was coming with you on Saturday,” he says, and she feels her mouth go dry, the white lie she’d told him weeks ago that she couldn’t have a plus one echoing around her head. 

“Aaron-”

“Apparently you told her I was busy that night,” he cuts over her, his expression stern, his annoyance clear, “Which is funny, considering you told me I wasn’t invited.” 

She sighs and closes her eyes, gathering herself for a moment before she looks back at him, “I didn’t want to expose you to that part of my life.”

“I’ve met your mother before.” 

“But not as my boyfriend,” she replies, raising her voice a little more than she intends to. She blows out a steady breath, “She’s hard work, Aaron and…she always finds a way to belittle everything I do.” 

Emily hates how adolescent it sounds, how her mother can still make her feel like this, even through Aaron, but she can’t help it. Defiance she thinks she will never outgrow spreading through her chest. 

“I deal with sociopaths on a daily basis, Emily. I think I can handle your mother.” 

On any other day, the comparison would make her smile, but she doesn’t understand how this has gone so south, why he seems so offended, “Aaron…what is the big deal? I’m sorry I lied, I know I should have just talked to you about it, but it’s not a problem. I probably won’t make it now anyway.” 

Aaron sighs, and he wishes he’d never brought it up, that he’d waited until they were back in DC, but he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since he’d spoken to Elizabeth. The insecurities that had been sparking in the back of his head since he’d first woken up next to Emily catching fire, every concern he had about their relationship suddenly bigger.

From the moment he’d kissed her it had confirmed what he’d known for years. That he loved her, that he had been in love with her for much longer than he cared to admit. For weeks he’d held it back, not wanting to spook her. Only whispering the words against her skin after she was asleep. She’d caught him out a couple of weeks ago, still awake as he murmured the words. She’d turned in his arms and asked him to repeat them, and smiled at him as he did. She’d kissed him and fallen asleep in his arms, her smile still present on her face. 

It was only the following morning he realised she hadn’t said it back. 

He’d tried again a couple of times since, and her response had always been similar. Something he wanted to believe was love shining in her eyes as she hugged or kissed him, an edge of desperation to it that he could never place. 

“Maybe this all just means you’re not as serious about this as I am.” 

Her mouth drops open and she scoffs, shaking her head at him, “Are you fucking kidding me?” She exclaims, “I’m not serious about us because I didn’t invite you to some shitty event my mother is hosting?” She throws her hands up in the air, her cheeks warm with the annoyance she can’t keep in her chest, “I practically live with you.” 

“And yet you don’t want me to be a part of that part of your life?” 

“It’s not that-”

“Then what is it?” He demands, his voice stern in a way it rarely was with her. 

She doesn’t know how to put it into words, how to express to him that she felt like, no matter how he felt, she had to protect him from that part of her life. Even though he could handle himself it would give him an insight into something she didn’t want him to see. The part of herself she wishes she could give up entirely. 

“I-”

There’s a knock at the door, and Derek’s voice follows it, “Sorry to interrupt, but we need to get going.” 

Emily stares at Aaron momentarily before turning to the door, “We’re coming.” 

“You can’t run away from this, Em,” Aaron says, and she freezes on the spot, clenching her hands at her sides. 

“No,” she replies, flashing him a look, “I can’t, but we have work to do.” She opens the door and the cool air from the hallway hits her she walks out into it. She clenches her teeth, her jaw so tense she’s worried it could fracture, and she hears someone behind her clear their throat. 

“Trouble in paradise?” 

She turns to look at Derek, the playfulness slipping from his expression as their eyes meet, “Shut up, Derek.” She makes a point of bumping his shoulder with hers as she walks past him. 

“Em, I was just kidding-”

“We have work to do,” she repeats, cutting over him as she continues to walk away, “The sooner we get it done the sooner we can go home.” 

___

Things are tense between them all day. 

Slightly barbed comments back and forth, the rest of the team exchanging concerned looks as they finally make progress with their case. 

They track the unsub to an abandoned building just down the block from where the first victim had been found. She ends up in the SUV with just Aaron on the way to the scene, both of them silent and staring straight ahead, the weight of their crossed words that morning still heavy in the air. 

When they arrive they both get out of the car and start securing their bullet-proof vests, and the usual concern she feels when they are about to walk into danger makes her stomach roll. Their jobs came with risks, they both knew that, but that risk seemed so much more significant since they’d got together,

“This guy is probably going to be hostile,” Emily says, looking at him as he velcros his vest into place. The other SUVs pull up behind them, and the rest of the team start to leave the cars. 

“He’s devolving, but we’ll be careful,” he replies, smiling tightly at her as he pushes his earpiece in, and Emily does the same.

She winces as she immediately pulls her earpiece back out, feedback from her microphone still ringing in her head. 

“Son of a bitch,” she says, drawing the attention of Aaron from next to her as the rest of the team approaches them, “My mic is broken.” 

“Prentiss’s comms are down, so she’s with me,” Aaron explain to the others, making sure his earpiece was secure as he adjusts his bulletproof vest. 

“I don’t need babysitting-”

“You’re with me,” he says firmly, cutting over her harshly. She tries to argue again but sees the fear brewing in his eyes. Concern for her peeking out from underneath his work persona and the annoyance he clearly still feels from their argument that morning. 

“Ok,” she concedes, feeling the team's eyes burning into her, “I’m with you.” 

The team splits up. She and Aaron take the top floor, Derek and Spencer the one below, and JJ and Dave the first floor. 

She hears movement as they walk down the hallway, someone's poor attempts at being quiet echoing around them. Aaron looks back at her, and they have a silent conversation as he tilts his head towards the room they’d heard the noise coming from. He goes in the room first, and there's a beat of silence before all hell breaks loose. 

Two gunshots happen almost simultaneously. 

The unsubs bullet hits Aaron right in the centre of his vest, knocking him backwards into the wall. Emily’s bullet hits the unsub, killing him instantly before he falls to the ground. 

“Shit,” she says, sighing as she holsters her gun, “He was more prepared than we thought we would be,” She says, and there is no reply, she turns to look at Aaron. He was still against the wall, his hand pressed into where she’d seen the bullet hit his vest, probably winded from the speed of the shot. “Are you ok?” 

“Em…” 

He pulls his hand away, and she feels dread flood her entire body as blood seeps out of the visible hole in the dark blue kevlar. 

“Oh my god,” she exclaims as she makes it to his side, attempting to catch him as he slides to the floor. She hits the ground next to him, her hand pressing into his abdomen where the blood was pouring from. He groans in pain and she looks at him, her eyes meeting his, “You’re ok, honey, you’re ok,” she clears her throat, pressing down harder into the wound, “Aaron’s been hit we need help,” there’s silence, and she frowns, wondering why she doesn’t get a response. 

“Your comms aren’t working,” he reminds her, his voice ragged, every breath full of effort and pain, “Mine have been knocked out.” 

“Shit,” she says, looking around them, desperately wondering what to do, “They’ll have heard the shots,” she says, not sure which one of them she was trying to assure, “We need to get your vest off so we can put better pressure on the wound.”

He nods, and she pulls the velcro off, ignoring how her hands shake, how her vision goes blurry with tears she refuses to shed. He yells out in pain as she pulls the vest off of him, throwing it away without a second glance. 

“I know it hurts, I’m sorry,” she says, pushing her hands firmly against the bullet wound, his shirt soaked with blood, “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s ok,” he replies, and she shifts between looking at his face and the door they came through, hoping someone from the team would arrive to help them soon. She feels him touch her face, and she looks at him, the feeling of his fingers against her skin achingly familiar, “I love you, Emily. I-”

“We’re not doing this now,” she replies, leaning down to press her forehead against his for a second, kissing him briefly before she sits up a little straighter, the angle pulling at her neck, “We aren’t saying goodbye because you’re going to be ok.” 

She feels the words she’s been pushing back for weeks aching to escape, but she doesn’t want it to be like this. She doesn’t want him to think that her love for him was nothing more than an admission made of fear. 

“Em-”

“Prentiss, Hotch?” 

She looks over to the door and sees Derek and Spencer rush through the door, their guns lowered as they see the unsub on the floor behind them. 

“Aaron got hit,” she says, her voice surprisingly steady as Derek kneels next to her, Spencer on Aaron’s other side. 

“The bastard must have had armour-piercing bullets,” Derek says, “We need an ambulance,” he instructs before nodding, and Emily knows he’s had a response through his earpiece that one was on the way, “You just have to hold on a little longer Hotch,” Derek says, an encouraging smile on his face, “Or Prentiss here will kill you herself.” 

The laugh that leaves her is ragged, and it catches on her ribs, threatening to choke her as it fills the air around them. 

“Exactly,” she says, “See even Morgan knows-” she cuts herself off as she looks back at Aaron’s face, his eyes drifting closed, a stream of blood trailing from his mouth down to his ear, “Aaron, I need you to wake up,” she pauses for a moment and her desperation mounts as she doesn’t get a response, “Aaron.” 

“Reid, I need you to take over from Prentiss,” Derek says, standing up as Spencer nods, placing his hands over Emily’s on Aaron’s abdomen. 

“What, no-” Emily exclaims, her hands slipping off of Aaron as Derek hauls her upwards, pulling her back, “Let go of me, I need to-”

“You can’t help him right now, ok?” Derek says, all too close to her as his breath skips over her, holding her close as if she was going to bolt if he let go even a little, “The ambulance is here, JJ is bringing him up.” 

She hates that she can’t hear any of what is being said by the team and that she feels reduced to this. That all she can do is stand there, Aaron’s blood on her hands, dripping onto the ground beneath her as she sags against Derek. 

“I love him, Derek,” she says quietly, her voice low enough that only he hears her. The EMTs enter the room, quickly followed by JJ and Dave. 

“I know you do, Princess,” Derek replies, and he kisses the side of her head, comfort she doesn’t want but cannot fight as she watches the paramedics work on Aaron, “He knows too.” 

She hopes she hasn’t lost the chance to tell him. 

___

The first time he wakes up he fights the intubation. 

The surgery had been long, minutes feeling like hours as she sat in a waiting room, her leg bouncing up and down as she repeatedly counts the tiles on the floor. Something, anything, to keep her mind off of the fact that she just might lose him. 

As soon as they find out that he made it through surgery, nothing short of a miracle according to the doctor, she sends the rest of the team back to the motel, claiming she’d be ok. She wasn’t entirely sure that was true, but she wanted to be alone with him and she knew he’d hate for anyone other than her to see him like this. 

All she can do is stand back as the doctors try and calm him, more people than she cares to count as they flood the room once she presses the call button. She can almost feel it in her own throat as they pull the tube from his, the phantom sensation haunting her. A ghost of a memory of when she’d woken up alone and confused, dead to everyone who knew her. He isn’t awake for long, the anaesthesia in his system still winning the battle. It’s only when a nurse taps Emily on the shoulder and looks at her with a kind smile as she passes her a tissue that she realises she’s crying. 

It reminds her of the moment she’d been alone with Dave once the ambulance arrived at the hospital. How he’d pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped at her cheek, quietly telling her she had blood on her skin. 

When she’s alone with him again she takes her seat back by his side. Now, with the intubation gone, it almost looked like he was sleeping normally, the same slack expression on his face that she loved to see on the rare occasion she woke up before him. He always slept facing her, as if even subconsciously he wanted to make sure she was the first thing he saw when he woke up in the morning. 

Emily reaches out for his hand. His skin was cold, something she knew logically was from blood loss, but it still shocks her just like it had when she first walked into his room. He was always so warm. Heat and love and forever radiating off of him whenever he was near, a comfort that she hadn’t known could exist before him. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, her eyes fixed on his sleeping face, “I know I was…I shouldn’t have lied to you,” she shakes her head at herself as she thinks of their argument, how it felt so stupid now, “I’m so…I’m so afraid of being happy,” she admits, her vision blurring as her eyes fill with tears, “I don’t think I’m very good at it and you make me happy, Aaron. And it scares the absolute shit out of me because I don’t know what I would do if I lost you,” she chuckles bitterly, the irony of that statement given her surroundings not lost on her at all. 

She still remembered the moment she realised she was in love with him, that the secret feelings she’d been harbouring for her boss were much more than the crush she’d told herself it was. It was a moment far too similar to this for her liking when she found him after Foyet had attacked him. She hadn’t held his hand then, she couldn’t have no matter how much she wanted to, her thumbnail in between her teeth to stop herself. 

Any feelings she’d had for him had been buried so deeply inside of her after that she sometimes allowed herself to pretend they weren’t there. She told herself that she drove him to and from work when he first got back because it was the right thing to do. That she covered his medical bills that his insurance didn’t because he was her friend. She’d found out since that he’d felt the same way, that he’d loved her too. 

Then Aaron had buried her. 

They came close to something more than friendship just before Doyle had torn through their lives, but it was fleeting. A flash of hope that she’d worried had died out entirely, embers on a fire that had never been able to fully ignite. 

The first time he kissed her, it felt like everything had been leading up to it. As if everything they’d both been through, no matter how rocky, had somehow forged their path to each other.

She loved him, but she hadn’t said it. Not because she didn’t feel it, or because she didn’t want to, but because the words didn’t seem enough. They came nowhere near explaining how she felt about him, how he’d taken up so much more of her heart than she thought possible. 

It was terrifying having so much of her happiness dependent on him, on the life they were building together. 

She sighs as she rubs her thumb over the heel of his hand, hoping to press some of his usual warmth into his skin. She looks down at their joint hands, marvelling as she always did at how they fit together. 

“I…I love you, Aaron,” she says, something in her chest easing at the admission, “I love you so much that it terrifies me, and I hate that it does but…” she drifts off, unsure what she’s even trying to say, her nerves fried from seeing him hurt, from fear. 

From relief that he was going to be ok. 

“Em?” 

She looks up, and her eyes meet his, “Aaron.”  She stands up and sits on the edge of his bed, leaning in to kiss him, “I’m so glad you’re awake.” 

“What happened?” He asks, his voice rough. 

“You were shot,” she explains, swallowing thickly, adjusting his hospital gown to do something, “It was…close.” He’d coded in the ambulance in front of her, an image she knew she wouldn’t ever be free of. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, squeezing her hand, and she chuckles, shaking her head as tears flood her eyes. 

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t ask to be shot.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.” 

She blows out a shaky breath, lifting their joint hands to kiss his knuckles, “I’m ok,” she promises him, “Much better now you’re awake.” 

Aaron smiles sleepily at her, his eyes hazy from pain medication, “I love you too, by the way.” 

She freezes, her eyes wide in a way that makes him smile wider, “You…you heard that?” 

He nods, tugging at her hand just enough that she knows he wants to kiss her. She leans in and presses her lips to his, grateful that she could, that he was still here. 

“If I’d known me getting shot would have made you finally admit it,” he mumbles against her lips, pulling back to look at her, “I would have done it weeks ago.” 

She huffs out a breath, “Aaron.”

“Too soon?” 

She chuckles dryly, “Far, far too soon. It might always be,” she pushes some of his hair from his forehead, her fingers trailing against his skin, “I’m sorry for this morning.” 

“Me too,” he says, squeezing her hand. 

“We’ll talk about it when you’re better?” She offers, knowing there are still things they needed to discuss. Insecurities they both needed to air to move forward in the way they both wanted. 

“Ok,” he agrees, and she feels the last bit of tension in her chest ease, “We do have to figure out one thing though.” 

She frowns, tilting her head slightly at him, “What?” 

He grins at her, a smile she knows is fuelled by pain medication and a desire to see her smile, “How to convince your mother I didn’t get shot just so we don’t have to go on Saturday.” 

“Aaron.” 

-x-

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[sinfulspencer]

Update?

Well... Hello my darlings.

This is going to be a slightly long post because I just want to explain and say a few things before I disappear again into the void.

My last post on this blog was around the time I graduated, which means it was the end of October. Since then, I've been able to start working for the Hospital that I've spent most of my childhood and my University's course in.

I'm currently working as a Lab technician at the Microbiology lab, which some of you knows it's my favourite place in the world (my obsession with bacteria and yeast still hasn't disappeared). I've met wonderful people there and I'm surrounded by amazing colleagues who love me, appreciate me and help me grow every single day.

Ever since I left this blog and all the people I've met here, that I still deeply care for, I got better. I'm slowly feeling like myself again, I've taken control of my own life and things seem to be looking decent for me - both physically and mentally.

Last year was horrible, I cannot describe it in other ways.

I've had troubles with my insecurities, my anxiety, my relationship with the world and my friends, but most importantly with myself. I acted like I knew exactly who I was, when in reality I just hid behind a mask that just broke me piece by piece until there was nothing left.

I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I wanted from my life and most importantly, I lost the focus of what I want to do with my existence to the point I pretended to be someone who I definitely was not. It took away every ounce of strength I had.

Now I know who I am, I know what I am worth.

Logging into this blog again threw me a bit in a loop, honestly. I read most of the anonymous asks that I received, all of your comments on my fics and the messages that some of you left.

I want to make things clear once and for all, because it's getting a bit annoying and frustrating. Me and Anat don't spoke anymore because it's just how life is; I care about her and I'm proud of her for everything she has done and is currently doing. I've wanted nothing but happiness for her because she's an amazing person and I will forever be grateful to the moon for letting me meet her and spend some of the best months in my life. So please, for the love of whatever you believe in, stop asking me what happened between us; stop insulting her, insulting me and leave both of us alone because it's just pathetic.

Our ex-relationship was and still is none of your business.

Now, onto the other important topic...

I appreciate every single nice comment on my fics and the advices some of you left in my messages about struggling with dealing with my own emotion.

I'm still not ready to come back and write like I did before, but I am slowly opening my fic-folder and re-reading everything that I've left. My will to write is coming back, but I am not promising anything because it'd be pointless and it would put me in an uncomfortable situation.

I still love Criminal Minds and Spencer, of course. I still love to write smut and definitely I am not done with Daisy&Spencer (maybe I am writing a little something something about them...), so just a heads up.

I miss every single person I met here, especially @fortheloveofwonderland and @foxy-eva. I hope you guys are doing wonderful and are happy with your life, your partners, your family, your friends, your studies or whatever is going on with your life.

Just know that I think of you and I miss you all.

PS: I found two kittens this december and I was lucky enough to bring them home around Christmas' time. I don't have pictures on this computer right now, but you can definitely see them on @aetheriiignes (my IG profile).

[missmouse25]

Hi Friend! Hope you enjoy this fic! ❤️✨

Mischief - Max Fewtrell

gender neutral first person pov // 1181 words // little bit of Max pov in italtics // before you @ me, i am well aware that L and L broke up but this request was sent in before we knew that so please... just live in my au for a little while.

--- “You guys are going to love it here, I’m so glad you wanted to come with!”

Luisa genuinely looked happy. Though it wasn’t like Lando was going to say no to his girlfriend; and I wasn’t going to say no to a longer holiday.

Summer break was probably my favourite of the off seasons and I was grateful that L and L had allowed me to tag along with them.

“I really want to show you…” Luisa’s voice trailed off and her gaze went straight ahead.

Lando and I tried to see what had caught her attention in the hotel foyer.

Then, someone stepped out from the crowd and from that moment, my holiday changed forever.

“I’ve missed you so much!” Luisa said in my ear as we hugged.

“I missed you too!”

Even though it had been so long since I’d seen my friend and I wanted to give her my full attention, I was still aware of the two sets of eyes on us or rather, on me.

I knew the one was Lando; I’d seen enough pictures to recognise his face. The other, however, I could only guess.

“I hope you don’t mind me crashing your party,” I said as Luisa and I pulled apart.

“Of course not!” Her smile was a fairy light; it was a magical twinkle in a dark place. “Your timing couldn’t have been more perfect!”

She turned to address the boys.

“The more the merrier, right?” The one who I knew to be Lando stepped forward and greeted me. “It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Likewise!” I answered.

Then the other boy stepped forward confidently. He had a beautiful face, and in his eyes, a glimmer of mischief.

“Max Fewtrell,” he introduced himself while shaking my hand.

“Max is to Lando what you are to me,” Luisa gave me the context.

“A pain in the arse?” Lando joked, which earned him a shove from Max.

This was going to be a fun and interesting holiday.

~

For the first two days, our little group went everywhere together and no matter the situation, there was always someone to talk to. Obviously, a lot of time was spent catching up with Luisa – work, family, other stuff. But Lando was a fun guy to chat to and get to know as well.

And then there was Max. Something about him made him the easiest to talk to; made me feel comfortable sitting next to him. Someone who was almost a complete stranger to me.

Knowing it was easy being with him was what gave me reassurance when Luisa pulled me aside and asked if I’d be ok if she and Lando had a day together.

“Of course, I’ll be fine. I’ll ask Max if he wants to do something,” I told her. “And if he doesn’t, I can have a day to myself.”

Luckily, Max was more than keen to join me.

“What do you have in mind?” He asked as we stood in the foyer once again.

“There’s a beautiful park not far from here,” I suggested, hoping that he’d say yes. “Maybe we could go for a casual stroll. Eat some street food?”

Max smiled and once more, I saw that shimmer of mischief in his eyes.

“Sounds great. Lead the way.”

With the sun on our backs, we walked down one of the footpaths, talking about our family’s and laughing at the funny stories we had to share.

“Lando can tell you, they love to bully me,” Max continued telling me about his brothers. “Almost as much as Lando himself does, actually.”

“Sounds like he’s another brother to you.”

“Yeah. He pretty much is.” Max sounded content; grateful. “Is it the same with you and Luisa?”

“Sort of,” I said, feeling my heart grow heavy. “It’s a bit harder with the distance.”

Max nodded, seeming to understand.

“But I’m hoping that maybe that can change,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “I’ve been thinking of moving to Europe.”

“That would be really nice.” Max looked over to me.

I was about to ask why he said that when I felt the ground beneath me shift. It felt like I was about to fall and by instinct, I reached out to hold onto something. Someone.

Thankfully, Max had fast reflexes and caught me before I went tumbling. For a moment, we stood perfectly still.

“You ok?” Max gave me a concerned look.

“Yeah. I’m ok,” I answered, heart still beating fast. Not just from the adrenaline but also because of how close we were.

Slowly, he let me go and I stepped back.

“Thanks for catching me,” I laughed a little and Max smiled his beautiful smile.

“Anytime,” he stated. “Maybe you should walk closer to me, just in case it happens again.”

His words nearly flustered me but something else took over my brain and I responded before I could comprehend what I was saying.

“Maybe I could hold your hand, just to be extra safe.”

For a second, Max seemed taken aback and I panicked thinking that I’d gone too far.

Then, very gentlemanly, he held his hand out to me.

“To be extra safe.”

Once more I noticed the mischief in his eyes. I took his hand anyways.

~

There was a sharp knock on my hotel door; I stopped packing to let the person in once I saw who it was. Max eyed the open suitcase and the clothes haphazardly thrown in.

“Bad time?” He asked.

“Is packing to leave somewhere happy ever a good time?” I answered with a sigh, sitting on the bed and gesturing for him to join me.

“I guess not.”

Side by side, we stayed there in the silence. We both knew what should happen in the moment but neither of us wanted to do it: the time to say goodbye was now.

“Max… I’m really going to miss you,” I confessed, finally breaking the quiet around us. “I know it’s only been a week but…”

“I know.” Max shifted to face me. “But I wouldn’t have had this week go any oher way than how it did.”

I looked deep into his eyes and saw only honesty. In that moment, it was like my centre of gravity changed and I was being pulled closer to him until our lips met. His kiss was sweet and deep but it was over all too soon.

“I will see you again, won’t I?” I whispered, our lips still touching.

Max didn’t answer right away but when he did, I felt how he smirked.

“Well, F1 does go to Brazil to race. And I’m pretty sure Lando owes me a favour for something.”

“You’re such a mischievous boy.” I laughed softly but the thought of him visiting me had already settle in my heart.

“Maybe I am, but you will see me again. I promise.”

Slowly, he kissed me again.

Even though it was goodbye for now, I knew it was saying hello to a future with my mischievous Max.

[meander1995]

A moment of reflection

It has been a long time since I paid any mind to this account. I am here to make a gigantic life announcement.

On July 11th, 2023, my life changed forever when I asked my sister if I could put on her black dress (in the photos below). In that exact moment, I felt a cold rush of euphoric bliss as the dress fit me--something unlike anything I felt before. On a whim, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror with my phone and took the first photo below--I saw her. I knew from the cold chills right then and there that my egg had cracked and that I am a trans woman.

From there, my ADHD hyperfixations had spent most of the time since in an intense focus on getting to the bottom of things. And once it was certain (self-doubt be damned), focused on getting my ducks in a row to transition socially and physically. I came out to my family less than a week after I realized myself--I simply went to sleep in a dress and didn't give a fuck who saw me. I figured that if I was half-asleep, I would have time to make myself spill the beans before processing enough to put myself in a panic. Not that I had cause to panic much since I am grateful that my family is either supportive (my mom; one of my younger brothers) or part of the LGBT+ community (my other younger brother and my two younger sisters) themselves. As such, all of them supported me the instant I came out and picked my name of "Adrienne." Hell, my sisters even got me dresses and taught me how to do makeup for my 28th birthday on July the 19th--and later took me thrift-shopping for even more dresses (my favorite photos of which are included)

Even though I never felt any signs of being trans before 7/11/2023, in hindsight, there may have been quite a few signs in my memories. Such as when I was in kindergarden, I recall saying to someone that "if I was a girl, I'd look forward to being pregnant," something which I said ignorant of how hard pregnancy is on a human body--but perhaps is something that should've been a sign. Or all the times I felt as though I related to women more than men in a social sense--loathing toxic masculinity was normal for me, but even the non-toxic parts of it felt like I was just coasting. Or the times in Uni where my social anxiety (likely a product of my autism) plus my brain fog (which I now know was likely the product of then-undetected gender dysphoria) led me to believe that I was so bad at befriending women that I was a serial harasser--something I blamed myself in a now-misdirected sense of self-loathing that I thought only plunging into my academics (at the expense of a social life) would cure. Or my general sense of depression over much of my post-Uni life that I had no idea of the cause--until my egg cracked and I saw the problem right in the eyes.

Not going to lie, seeing posts on Reddit, Discord, and Mastodon from other transfemmes (especially those with Autism and ADHD--like myself) with similar life experiences to me and befriending them ended up assuring me that I was never broken. Just misdirected the entire time. And little things like dresses, makeup, shaving my legs, stuffing a sports-bra to give myself the convincing illusion of breasts, and feeling as though I am swimming in my pool for the first time in my own body since pre-puberty. Every day since my egg cracked, my resolve that I am a trans woman has only grown more-and-more.

In the afternoon on my 28th birthday (7/19/2023), I took my phone with me to walk to the woods outside the front yard of the lake house I was spending the week with my family on vacation. I was determined to make the call to my local Planned Parenthood to schedule an HRT consultation under informed consent. While I was successful, I was taken a bit aback by the fact that the waitlist for it is so backed up that the soonest I could be scheduled was October 2nd. After I successfully scheduled myself, my immediate thought was "I don't want to have to wait that long." And so later that week (upon returning to my hometown), I was directed by someone on Mastodon to a DIY HRT directory of international pharmacies that I can order HRT from. I chose to order 2mg Estradiol and 100mg Spiro from Thailand and--last I checked--the shipment is on the plane now and will arrive anywhere between 8/15/2023 and 9/5/2023. It is a 3 month supply of HRT--long enough to last until the consultation gives me officially regulated hormones yet short enough that I won't suffer health problems from being unable to check my bloodwork.

Even though I am resolute that transitioning is the only correct choice for me, I will not lie that I have some anxieties about this still. Not with the transition itself, but some things that accompany this. Since I couldn't immediately afford to bank sperm, a major source of anxiety is and was having to make the choice between fulfilling myself or having bio kids. As is, my options for children are hoping I get supremely lucky with some still-active swimmers, hope I can go off hormones and bank sperm at a time where I have a stable income (I'm also using a job coach system to place me into a job now--and the system knows of and is supportive of my transition), adopt children, or end up step-parenting a child of a future date. I don't see adopting or step-parenting a child as meaning that that child is less 'mine' than a biological kid, but I do think having a bio kid would be nice when the time is right to raise them (probably a decade down the road). I hope that future generations of trans people do not have to make this choice. And that isn't even considering that the idea of bottom surgery has crossed my mind a few times--I don't dislike my natal genitals, but think it'd be cooler and more gender-affirming with a vagina (that's just me personally---you are valid if you don't agree with me); it's a thought I'll put a pin in for now and see how I feel down the road.

The other annoyance is my mom. Yes, she is supportive of my choice to go on hormones (I haven't told her the DIY HRT route as she is a stickler for offical pharmacutical medications and I don't want to worry her unless the signs of feminization become too noticeable to hide). However, she is just as surprised about this as I am. She thinks I am going too fast--aka, she hasn't been aware that transition can come from euphoria instead of dysphoric suffering. I'm glad I didn't have to suffer in order to realize my identity and hope it becomes more accepted that that is a valid path to realizing yourself. But mom is slow to adapting her terms. She thinks "Andi" (just one letter off from my deadname) is a sufficient nickname for "Adrienne" instead of "Adri" or even "Addie." And she's also referred to me as "he" or "son" when I am neither. I've gently starting nudging her as of today, but something tells me it will take a little bit to get her to adjust.

Overall, I am excited to begin my body transitioning into a female form. I've made peace that I probably was a woman the whole time. My brain fog may have been caused by years under the wrong hormones (testosterone instead of estrogen). I want my body to run on the correct fuel. Give me no brain fog, give me soft skin, give me reduced body hair, give me greater emotional range, give me girlsmell, give me boobs. And at this point, I love being trans. Because in a way, all the questioning that got me here made me more sure of who I am---almost as though the end-result is an hard-earned victory that I am eager to claim the spoils to.

As for fighting the political battle against transphobia, I'm all for it as a liberal and as a human being who is appalled with what is going on. However, I am focusing all my energy on transitioning at the moment. When I have energy to spare, I will fight the good fight. But I have to live life a little bit as me first.

EDIT: One thing I forgot to mention in the large body is that paying for the DIY HRT put me back on my insurance payments and that I will need mutual aid in order to pay my insurance so that I can afford the officially prescribed HRT after the Planned Parenthood consultation. Below are links to my PayPal and Venmo accounts. If anyone would like to donate, it would be VERY much appreciated. But only donate if you can do so without putting yourselves in financial jeopardy.

Venmo: https://www.venmo.com/u/adrienne-harper-115

PayPal: https://paypal.me/AdrienneHarper7

[ray-gt]

Something’s Shifted Short: I’ll Be Home for Solstice

Hello!   Thank you so much and I'm so sorry it's taken forever for me to reply to this (we are well and truly past the holiday season, so this is very much too late.) I'm so grateful that you still enjoy my stories, even though I don't post nearly as often as I used to. I love this idea though! And it's been forever since I've written about my girls, so I'm excited to dive back in with them. To answer your question, in my head Lilah's people don't celebrate the same big end of year holidays that humans do. Instead, their major holidays fall on the solstices. In this instance, it is the summer solstice, because I'm from the Southern Hemisphere and I've only ever experienced summer Christmases, so that's what I think of when I think of the holidays! (I know, I'm criminally biased) I wrote a little thing below about all the fun things (and less fun things) that go down when you go to your giant girlfriend's house to celebrate the holidays.   Enjoy! ray xx   

______________________________________________________________  I'll be home for Solstice  

"Remind me," Dani said, turning off the highway. By now she'd done the drive to Lilah's parents' place enough times to memorise it. "The Solstice is..?" "Well, that's the closest to what humans would call it." Lilah said, she was looking in the passenger mirror and running her fingers through here long, dark hair. "This is the Summer Solstice - Athra Estra. In myth, it's the day our goddess, La-Athra, conquered the long dark and brought the everlasting sun to the world." She turned to Dani and her eyes, deep and dark like the sky at midnight, gleamed. "It's my favourite holiday. Everyone you love - friends and family - gathers together to eat, dance, give gifts. And at the end of it all, at sunset, we set off fireworks. It's meant to be symbolic of us continuing La-Athra's battle against the dark, but really it's just a bit of fun." Dani smiled, "I feel bad, you know so much about human culture, but I know nothing about yours. I'm excited." She felt Lilah place a gentle hand on her thigh. "And I'm excited to be able to share it with you. My family always hosts. It felt so strange last year when I was there while the most important person in my life was back at home, completely unaware of who I was. I actually almost invited you." Dani cackled. "That's one hell of a Christmas present, Li. 'Hey, do you want to come to my parents' house for the holidays? By the way I'm a giant and everyone there will also be giants. You in?'. I barely made it through when I actually found out, and that was just your family." Lilah laughed her way through a groan and flung her head back against the headrest. "Oh my god, don't remind me!" Dani smiled and looked over at her girlfriend. She really was beautiful. Her walnut skin glowed in the bright sunlight and hair fell in beautiful, sable curls to her waist. She wore a long, white summer dress that made her look like she'd just appeared out of some long-forgotten fairytale. Dani was similarly dressed in white - though she'd opted for a pair of long white linen trousers and a matching cami. Lilah had told her that wearing white on the Summer Solstice was a sign of good luck for the year. With Lilah's random shifting, we'll need all the luck we can get. Dani thought. "I'm just so glad you're going to be there." Lilah repeated. "So am I," Dani said. It's just a huge celebration of giants all gathered in the one place. What could go wrong?  

*** Actually, to Dani's surprise, Athra Estra was going well.   As always, Lilah's parents, Ava and Elijah, were lovely and made an excessive fuss over Dani, which was always a lot but also touching. So far, she'd spent the majority of it with Lilah and her brothers, Jasper and Conrad.   She had to admit that every time she was introduced to one of Lilah's relatives or friends, she was on edge. Dani didn't love being ogled and stared at constantly, but she wondered what would happen if the roles were reversed - if Billie brought home a partner the size of a phone, would she be any better? She had enough self-awareness to know she wouldn't. At least she could appreciate that everyone was respectful and kept a safe distance and never lingered too long. Overall, despite being near constantly overstimulated by the volume and crowd, Dani was having a good time. However, towards the end of the day, Dani was reaching her limit and Lilah noticed immediately. She tucked her tiny girlfriend in her hands and carried her, close to her chest, to a quiet backroom off the kitchen. The closest Dani could equate it to was a mud room with a door to the backyard, hooks and storage for coats and boots, and a small table and chairs to rest at. It was on this table that Lilah gently placed Dani down.   Dani looked up at her and smiled. "Thank you," She breathed. "I promise, I'm having a good time but, you know, it's a lot." Lilah nodded and smiled. "Totally fine, even I get overwhelmed some times when we have so many people over. I'm amazed you've lasted this long." "What can I say, Li?" Dani shrugged. "I'm pretty tough." Lilah snorted, "Yeah sure. Miss 'I need to take an hour-long bath every Saturday night to decompress'. You're a real soldier." Dani laughed and made to reply but was distracted by a figure opening the back door.   The giant woman that entered through it was striking to say the very least. Golden skin, bright copper hair that fell to her chest, eyes so blue you risked being caught adrift in them. Dressed in a long white flowing slip dress, she was like an ancient goddess. When she saw Lilah she smiled broadly and stretched her arms out wide. "Lilah!" She said with a voice that sounded like it should be paired with red wine. Lilah turned and delight spread across her face. "Oh my goodness! Tia?" She stood up and ran to the woman, embracing her totally. "I didn't know you were coming?" "Of course!" Tia said with Lilah's head tucked against her shoulder. Then the giant's bright eyes zeroed in on Dani and something she couldn't quite define passed over them. "How could I turn down the opportunity to see you? When your ma said you'd be back for Athra, I cancelled all my other plans." Dani watched as she wrapped her long arms further around Lilah's waist - coiling around her like a snake and holding her there, pressed close, one against the other - and a feeling she wasn't proud of stirred in her. When she uncoiled, Tia cupped Lilah's beaming face in her hands and brought it so close, Dani thought she might kiss her.   Maybe this is just a giant thing. You don't know. Don't assume. "Lilah, my love, it's been far too long since I've seen your beautiful face and I've missed it dearly." She said, and as she said it, it was like her tongue was drenched in honey. This is fine. "I was afraid the humans would rub off on you, but you are just as lovely as ever." Less than fine. Dani clamped her teeth down on her tongue. The giant knew she was there, and either she didn't care that Dani would hear or was explicitly saying it so she would. She could hear her sister Billie in the back of her head screaming at her to not back down, to take out her earrings and call the larger woman out. And maybe Billie would be the only human actually willing to go through with that, but Dani certainly wasn't. She knew her strengths. If she could take a major construction corporation to court over WHS concerns and win, she could handle whatever the hell this was. 

"Speaking of," Lilah said, letting the comment slide. She walked back to Dani and crouched beside the table so that hers and Dani's faces were aligned. "Tia, this is my girlfriend, Dani." 

Lilah's smile was so wide and excited that Dani forgot every doubt that had just fluttered through her mind. She couldn't help but smile back. 

Until she heard a laugh from high above her. 

She turned to find Tia's eyes stabbing into her, icy and sparkling. Dani felt the stare ripple through her whole body, knocking loose all her muscles and bones until she felt like she was just jelly in the shape of a person. 

Tia had a sharp eyebrow raised and she crossed her arms over her chest. 

"So, it's true." She said with a half-smile, crooning like there could be no other news that would delight her more. She raised her chin. "I thought it was a joke. Dani, is it? Did I hear that right?" 

Dani nodded. "Yep, nice to-" 

"- Speak up, love." Tia interrupted, emphasising the command with a wave of her hand. "I can't hear you from all the way down there." 

Dani frowned and a number of potential responses rose like magma from her chest, but before she could use any of them, Lilah laughed. 

"Don't worry, Dani. Tia's just messing with you. That's just what she does." 

Tia shrugged casually but her eyes were stony and cold. 

"Lovely." Was all Dani trusted herself to say. 

Then, from the kitchen, Ava called out. "Delilah, I need you in here washing dishes! Come help me." 

Lilah sighed and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, she always has such wonderful timing." She glanced at Dani. "Want to come?" 

Before Dani could reply that 'yes please, she'd do literally anything to get as far away from whoever Tia was and never come across her again', Tia protested. 

"No!" She said, pressing clasped hands to her chest. "Don't take her away. I'd love to get to know Dani a bit better." 

Dani met her eyes and saw a glint in them. There was something predatory about the way they scanned her up and down. Dani paused. Tia had put the challenge before her - would she rise up to meet it, or would she run? It reminded her of something one of the partners of her firm told her after a run-in with a particularly nasty client. 

'O'Brien, the worst kind of people will inflate themselves to feel big and make you feel small, but it's always an act. All it takes is one well-timed hit to their ego and they run off, tail tucked and whimpering. Know your value, don't back down.' 

She wondered if that still applied in this moment. 

Lilah blinked, taken aback seemingly by Tia's eagerness. Brief glimpses of different reactions flashed across her face in a moment. 

"Oh, ok." She said before looking at Dani, searching for confirmation that she was comfortable with the request. "Is that alright?" 

Dani glanced back and forth between Lilah and Tia and closed her fists. 

"Yep." She forced a smile. "I'd be happy to." 

Lilah's stare lingered on her for a second longer. She was unconvinced, but didn't argue.  

"Ok," She said. Then she kissed Dani, covering the whole side of her face with her lips. "Love you." 

Then Ava called out again and, with a huff, Lilah left the room, leaving Dani and Tia alone.  

***  

"So, how do you know Lilah?" Dani asked, staring up at Tia who had sat down on one of the chairs at the table. The giant had her elbows up and was resting her chin on her interwoven fingers, staring down at her. 

"Well, it's funny story actually." Tia replied, drawing it out slow. "Let's just say, I was you before you. If that makes sense." 

Fantastic. 

Dani had met plenty of exes before, finding that they span a spectrum between the loveliest people she'd ever met and people she'd rather die than meet again. And while it was always unpleasant to begin with, she usually felt like she could hold her ground. Now, her ground was a kitchen table the size of a house, and the ex a towering giant far above her.  

"You know," Tia continued, she undid her hands and brought a pointed nail to draw loosely on the table in front of Dani's feet. "We took a break when Lilah wanted to have her little 'adventure with the humans'." At this, she fluttered her fingers as if she found the whole idea a childish fantasy Lilah just needed to get out of her system. "And, I couldn't believe it because, after three years, she's still playing pretend with them! And what's even crazier is that, a year ago, she comes back and tells me that we won’t get back together because she's met someone." 

Oh no. 

"And not just anyone. A human!" She shook her head in disbelief and her copper locks swayed like curtains in a breeze. Her frown was low and dark and Dani hated that the entirety of if was directed at her. "So, when I found out that the human in question would be coming to Athra Estra, I knew I had to see what the fuss was all about." 

Dani clenched her jaw, planted her feet, and cross her arms. 

I won't be bullied. 

"And?" She asked, tilting her head and swallowing down the terror when she met Tia's stare. 

Tia squinted her eyes, and her long, dark lashes blinked slowly. Her brow lowered and she smirked. Dani watched with dread as an idea bloomed across the larger woman's face. 

"And," Tia drawled. She raised the finger she'd been drawing across the table surface and, before Dani could appropriately react, Tia brought it under her chin. Lilah had done something similar before, but this was different. Very different. Lilah was gentle and soft. In those instances, Dani felt more like her chin was resting on Lilah's finger than Lilah pushing her to do anything. She'd never had any other giant come so far into her personal space before, let alone touch her. Tia's nail held her captive. It dug into her skin and forced her to look up. She swallowed and the nail dug deeper.  

"Well, I can see how a human could be a little bit of fun for a while. Especially one so pretty." She purred through it and Dani couldn't stop her breath from becoming haggard and desperate. Her heart was pounding beneath her ribs. Her hands gripped the finger, trying to push it away but it was no use against the larger woman. Tia tutted her tongue and shook her head. "But I think Lilah will come to her senses soon and realise just how silly it is." 

Dani fought everything in her body telling her muscles to freeze and managed to push herself backwards and away from the nail. 

"Don't touch me." She said, and her voice was softer than she'd liked. She rubbed her neck and the feel of the dent on her skin made her burn hot. She cleared her throat and when she next spoke, her voice sounded stronger and firmer than she felt inside. "Don't touch me. Don't talk to me like that. I really don't care if you like me, but I'm a person, and I refuse to be treated like this." 

Tia snorted. "You refuse, do you? That's sweet." 

Then she slammed her fist down on the table right next to Dani making her yelp and stumble back and lose her footing. She fell back on the table, staring with horror at the hand half the size of her own body curled in a tight, white-knuckled fist. 

Above her, Tia laughed. 

"Sorry, darling," She said. "I think my elbow slipped. I really should be more careful." She paused and looked down at Dani. "What were you saying?" 

Tia adjusted her fist and Dani couldn't help but flinch at the movement. She felt her face blanch. Tia hummed. 

"Now, this?" Her smile showed teeth. "This explains Lilah's interest. This is fun." 

Before Dani could scramble away, the fist unfurled and scooped her up from the table, and as she felt the giant fingers curl around her and yank her into the air, Dani couldn't help but scream. She squirmed in the grip as Tia brought it close to her huge, beautiful face. The giant used a finger from her other hand to brush against Dani's hair and every time it made contact, Dani shuddered. 

"Let me go." She managed. 

Tia laughed again but now it was impossibly loud, and the sight of her huge teeth so close sent every one of Dani's nerves into overdrive. 

Lilah, please come back. 

But she knew if she called out, no one would hear her. 

"If I were you, Dani." Tia warned. "I'd be more careful of what I demanded of people who were so much bigger than me. Who could tighten their fingers," At this, Dani felt the grip around her constrict and she struggled to breathe. "A do some real damage. My, with even the smallest movement, I could kill you. And that would be so terrible!" 

Know your value. Don't back down.  

"Then do it." Dani challenged with a strained voice. She did her best to raise her chin. 

In that moment, confusion flicked across Tia's glacial eyes and, for a moment, she seemed unsure. 

"What?" She snarled. 

Dani swallowed down her thundering heart and hoped her face didn't betray just how terrified she was. She’d mastered what Lilah had called her "lawyer face", which was what she used to drive away the flood of imposter syndrome that always came when she was given an important case. So far, it had carried her through a lot of uncomfortable exchanges. She hoped it would see her through now. 

"All you have are empty threats." She said, doing her best to ignore just how much bigger Tia was than her - that she very much could go through with whatever cruel fantasy she'd conjured behind her crystalline eyes. "You say you could do anything to me, that you could hurt me, and I believe it. But you won’t follow through." She lowered her voice and, whether she was conscious of it of not, Tia leant in. "If I were you, I’d think just a little bit. Are you really going to hurt me here? Here? In Lilah's family home, with her in the very next room? With potential witnesses coming in at any moment? That is really, really stupid. If I were you, I’d be smarter than that." 

Tia's expression darkened to a terrible scowl but, to Dani's surprise and relief, the grip around her body loosened. Tia used her free hand to comb through her long hair as she slowly lowered the one holding Dani. When it was back on the table, she opened it and Dani sprawled out, panting.  

"Clearly," The giant said, though her tone wavered. "Humans don't understand a joke when it's right in front of them." She shot a glare down at Dani. "But I would be careful, Dani. Darling. You'd be so easy to lose in this big world. And that would be a tragedy." 

Then she stood up and walked back through the door to outside, leaving Dani heaving in a pile of stress and sweat. 

Eventually, Dani forced herself to sit up. She placed a hand on her chest and felt the drumming beneath her ribs. She let out a long breath and slowly it returned to a normal rhythm.  

She realised just how naive she'd been. All the giants she'd me before were unbelievably kind. She hadn't even considered that one may actively dislike her or take advantage of their significant power over her.  

"I need to be more careful." 

Then from behind, she heard a voice that cleared all the stress and tension away. "Dani!"  

She turned to see Lilah glowing in the doorway, her face framed with her long dark hair. 

When Lilah saw her, she frowned. "You ok?" She walked over to the table and bent down again. "Where's Tia?" 

Even the name sent a ripple down Dani's spine.  

"She left." She said simply, then she ran a hand through her hair, feeling where her sweat had drenched the roots. "Christ, Li, she's a piece of work."  

Concern flashed on Lilah's face and she scanned Dani for any sign of injury. "What did she do?" 

She didn't know why she didn't want to tell Lilah what had really happened. Maybe there was part of her that thought Tia was right - that if she knew how dangerous this relationship could be, Lilah would leave it.  

So Dani just waved her concern off. "It's fine." Then she forced out a laugh and winked. "I scared her off." 

Lilah grinned. "Did you now?" 

"I'm very intimidating, Lilah." 

"I don't doubt it, love." Lilah laughed. "Come on, it's almost sunset. I want to show you something." 

As Lilah stretched her hand towards her, as she had so many times before, Dani flinched. It was something Lilah noticed and something Dani tried to hide. Neither of them addressed it. Dani took a deep breath and stepped onto Lilah's palm and at once, it was familiar again. 

Lilah took her outside. The sky was almost dark and all around, Lilah's friends and family gathered, looking up.  

Then the moment they were waiting for came and from somewhere out of sight, huge fireworks shot up into the black sky like paint splattered onto a canvas. 

They exploded into a thousand different colours and rained down like falling stars from above. Each one sent a boom through Dani's whole body, and behind her, she could feel the jump of Lilah's heart every time. And, despite herself, in that moment, Dani believed in magic. 

"Happy Athra Estra, Dani." Lilah said from above her. 

Then she felt her girlfriend raise her hand and kiss her head. Dani smiled, staring up at the sky, all her fears forgotten. 

"Happy Athra Estra, Li."

_______________________________________________________________________

(Thank you again for the ask! This was really fun to write. I’ve missed my girls. - ray xx)

Read more of Dani and Lilah’s store here!

[mysticpeanutmoon]

I could say the most beautiful words, in every language possible and still I wouldn't be able to express all the love I feel for you...

Before I even knew I loved you, I loved you so much! It was so hard to believe that I loved you because it felt like I was living a story from a book...

But it wasn't just our love story. Because you're literally the only person who made me want to live, you're the only person who made me want to have a family, the person who drew a sincere smile from this crazy person, who made me want to come out to everyone I know because I knew ...

That you were the woman of my life, because you made and will make history in my life and share it with me. I am very grateful for every second that you were by my side and that you will still be, it is already the most precious treasure of my entire life.

No matter how much time passes, I will always want to be yours, and take care of you.

I love you much more than you think and I want to prove it by being by your side until my last breath.

What a beautiful girl this Jamily is. I will always be by her side, regardless of what happens, I will be with you in every moment, I will cry, smile, laugh, think, reflect every day by your side.

I was thinking lately about how lucky I am to have such an incredible person by my side, who always helps and helps me in every moment of my life. I'm lucky to have a companion like you, it's amazing that we have the same dreams and we're achieving that dream more every day.

I love you my dear, in all your beautiful details, and I always will, I will choose you every day of my life. If I could be by your side, I would circle the entire solar system twice, just to see your smile when you say yes at the altar, it will surely shine brighter than 100000000 suns.

Thank you for every second you spent by my side, I love each one of them I miss spending considerable time by your side, we always spend 3 days maximum together...

I miss you and I hope that one day I can wake up every day next to you, I love you forever

No matter how long it takes, I will always want to be by your side, wanting to marry you, regardless of what I need to be able to have you. I want to be your husband

[mercerislandbooks]

50 Years of Island Books: Laurie Raisys

Laurie and Victor Raisys bought Island Books in July 2015 and became the fourth owners since the store opened in 1973. They are both accomplished Microsoft alumni, but don't let that fool you into thinking they've had an easy road. Underneath that busy exterior are community builders and devoted parents of four. For our final 50 Years of Island Books installment, I sat down with Laurie in the back of the store. Here’s our conversation:

Miriam: Let's start with your favorite book category.

Laurie: I’m a total fiction person. Not historical, but thrillers, current fiction and romance. I love messy, dysfunctional families — I am a Lisa Jewell person all the way.

Miriam: Ha! OK. Tell me about your proudest accomplishment. Laurie: Making it through COVID. It was so incredibly hard and I felt the pressure as an owner with employees, responsible for their livelihood. I remember seeing all these bookstores closing, watching it happen on social media and talking with Victor about being so sad and scared about what would happen. Nobody knew what was going to happen. And then Victor wrote that [Laurie points at a sign on the wall in the back room] and stopped by the bookstore and gave it to me. It says “Believe, make it happen. We will make it.” And we did.

Miriam: That sign is from during COVID. Laurie: That's from during COVID. Miriam: And you drove books around to individuals all over the island. To me, that was incredible.

Laurie: Sofija [Laurie’s oldest daughter] and I did a lot of that. Victor and Erik [Laurie’s son] did some too. Everybody helped. By the end, we knew the island like the back of our hand. Miriam: It was awesome. Tell me about what it was like when you started running the bookstore. I remember when you took over in the back. Laurie: When I bought the bookstore eight and half years ago, I didn’t know anything about books other than how to read them. And Garry [the longtime receiver] was leaving. I said, “Hey, receiving the books is a perfect entry point for me.” And what a great thing to learn, because you see everything coming in. I’m forever grateful that I got to do that. Of course, I made mistakes, and Garry was so incredibly patient. He was the best teacher. And then, when the store became mine, I still handled receiving for a long time. Just the other day I thought, I can’t believe what I know now versus what I knew then. I never knew that books come out on the Tuesday or that we have a lot of hardcovers because libraries demand them. And I’ve learned so much from the publisher’s reps who moved from Roger to me. We’ve all taken on new responsibilities and learned a lot. It’s been an enormous education.

Laurie and Victor during ABA’s Winter Institute Bookstore Tour

Miriam: Tell me how you all work together. Laurie: As a team, we are solid. I appreciate the fact that the longer a staff member has worked here, the more they know how to do a lot of things. When we don’t know, we ask others. It’s a team effort and that synergy feels like a huge accomplishment.

Miriam: It is. That’s how a small business keeps running. You support each other. How would you say your staff would describe you?

Laurie: Grumpy? Miriam: Can I put that in, because it's funny?

Laurie, Lori and Cindy wearing red!

Laurie: [Laughs and nods] Grumpy, kind, and generous. It can be a challenge, as a private business, to do a lot of the things we do for the team, but I do it because they all work really hard. I don’t waste a lot of time when I’m here because, for a long time, I spent sixty hours a week working in the store. When I needed to step back and ensure I had a little more home-life balance, that’s where the trust came in, giving people more responsibility. When I’m here I just get stuff done, although I love talking to the customers. And I do really appreciate my staff.

Miriam: You’re never sitting! I would say many of your efforts are invisible to the outside world. You work with other small businesses, put on author events, book clubs, school fundraisers, and story times and it only happens because you do so much outreach. Organizing and planning takes so much time. Did that surprise you?

Laurie:  There are a lot of people that reach out to you. You can’t say yes to everyone. And it’s not because you don’t want to, but it’s a lot of effort to set up for an event. And when you do it and the turnout is low, it’s disheartening for everyone involved. Now we are very thoughtful about our events. In October we have a great lineup. It’s a month of really interesting and diverse books.

Laurie and Miriam hiding books around town

Miriam: I was going to say you do an excellent job of curating toward local interest.

Laurie: I mean, for us, when we do an event, we can only promote to the people who follow us at Island Books. So authors need to let the people who follow them know, “Hey, I'm going to be in this place. Come see me.” And then more people know where to see that author because they may not follow our store. The major Seattle indie bookstores have an easier time getting people to attend their event. But we’re in an off-the-beaten-path location, even with the draw of parking. 

And not all of our community involvement happens in the store. We sponsor the farmers market. I’ve given support to the high school band for years, and I always place an ad in the high school newspaper during graduation season to say congratulations. I’m the chamber board’s current interim president.

Miriam: You've hosted weddings.

Laurie: That was so exciting. We just had our second senior take pictures here. She is a local swimmer, and I supported the high school swim team this year. It's just a great community. They have supported us for fifty years, and in my eight years, especially during COVID, they kept us alive. We would not have survived without them. It’s not just the people on this island. People who grew up here and moved away read the Slate story or heard from their parents that we were struggling. They called in and ordered not only tons of books but gift cards. People talk about their community bookstore being their third place, and I’m proud that Island Books is at the top of the list in terms of representing what a community bookstore means. It’s a very reciprocal relationship. Miriam: Island Books is a hub on Mercer Island. You get a unique look at the community. Laurie: My husband grew up here, and all my kids have been raised here. When you’re that involved in the schools and raising kids here, you see how the community works. 

Vaiva, Sofija, Luici, Erik and Luna Raisys all grown up

Miriam: That’s so true. What does 50 Years of Island Books mean to you?

Laurie: I just think it's incredible that it's 50 years. It's 50 years in one place. And not without challenges. But to be in one physical space for 50 years is incredible. It's amazing to me. There are customers who still shop here that can say, I was here on the first day. Lola Deane, who opened the store, is still here. We’re so lucky. People are funny. They'll come in sometimes and ask, “Is this an independent bookstore? There's so few left.” Which always surprises me, because we have around 28 independent bookstores in the greater Seattle area. We are so fortunate as an entire Pacific Northwest community because there are many independent bookstores. It's ridiculous. We're rich beyond rich. Miriam: And we have fascinating individuals who own and run them. Laurie: The owners are the coolest people with a unique perspective. It's so vibrant and a great community, too. Hey, did you see we just had the first Asian bookstore open? [mam’s books]

Miriam: It’s so wonderful. Laurie: I love to welcome new community into our bookstore universe. I was fortunate to inherit a store that already existed. I don't know how I would feel if it was brand new and I had to do it myself. The fact that the store was already running lowered my learning curve. Our network is how indie bookstores will survive: if we have a community and we have each other.

Miriam: Helping each other is essential. Is there anything else you'd like to say to finish up?

Laurie: We're excited to celebrate our Golden Jubilee and hope the community comes to the store! We're going to have little things happening all day on November 4th. The typewriters will be out. We'll have story time in the morning. There will be a blind wrapping contest. We’ll have cookies and cool stickers that say, “I've been booking it at Island Book since…” so people can write down how many years they've been here. We’ll give away gift cards every hour or so. And then we'll have cake and champagne at five o'clock and say thank you.

Miriam: Well, first, thank you, Laurie. Congratulations. I’ve enjoyed creating this 50 Years of Island Books blog series and feel honored to share it with you.

To our Island Books community: Lori Robinson will be back on the blog next week with an invitation to the party! Stop by the store on November 4th and join the celebration. It wouldn’t be happening without you!

—Miriam