#i stared at a wall most days

[keelin-it]

Very cool and fun that I may or may not have a brain tumor according to my doctor

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ON THE SUBJECT OF A MARCH 1ST UPDATE LIVESTREAM.

so due to newly-employed circumstances, i most likely won't be able to stream my exploration of the update until the Sunday after it drops - March 3rd, likely around 10 am pst.

im not gonna ask anyone to wait because that's unreasonable and absurd, However! I am curious:

[sleep-nurse]

AAAA A A AAAAAA AAA

hkbizniunuiniun i hope i didnt get the designs wrong hinhubuzb😭

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[lynaferns]

School is draining any small motivation I had for art

or creativity in general

(tw: I got pretty much depressive in the tags but I needed to dump this somewhere and this may not be the best place but is where I feel better talking about my problems or insecurities, so feel free to ignore)

[rosesradio]

ily audiobooks ily podfics ily audio descriptors of action in films ily stories being made more accessible through any audio medium

[scummy-writes]

I think it is funny that every time I get into a new character, I end up writing or wanting to write a solo fic with them jerking off.

Did it for Isaac, Arthur, did it for an MM character or two... I am surprised I haven't done it with Theo (I think thats just because while I think he jerks it, I imagine it as a 'rare' thing he would do before Mc comes around) (or until Arthur shows interest).

I guess its just part of the 'figuring character out' thoughts when a new interest happens. Like..."what words would they use in xyz situation?" , "how would they act if Mc was like x?" , "would they jerk off with mcs underwear, yes or no?"

[yourcalamity]

im so mad even with my meds im so depressed today for no reason and i keep getting stuck in the melancholyfreeze between the tasks im trying to do but im still doing them at least

[agayconcept]

.

[yeonban]

This ends me every time I come across it bc it's THE most fitting Tobias statement in existence. I very much think that if he wouldn't have had to save himself time and again throughout his entire childhood, he would have had no issue with being one of L's men! Hell, he would've probably even been fine acting as a 'bodyguard' the way Watari did and would've paid no heed to the idea of sacrificing himself for L's safety like a lamb to the slaughter if need be, because he'd have liked L as the symbol of justice and he always returns favors/pays people back for what they've done for/to him (whether good or bad).

The issue is that he was NEVER ONCE in his life helped by law enforcement nor anyone related to it. If anything, he saw several people from the 'good side' partake in egregious dealings with his family and absolutely none of them spared a single thought to maybe helping the kid slowly bleeding out to death in the house every other time they came around. What did save him was acting the same way his enemies (parents, as part of the mafia) were, which set him out on a similar path. At that point people would've still had a(n albeit tiny) chance to 'set him right', but instead of a good samaritan taking him in & raising him like a normal kid, it was Watari who found him. And for a while it went well - he learned the people who took him off the streets were L's people and he used to hear about L from his parents (they hated him, obviously); they didn't abuse him (well. to his standards; I'd say Wammy's is very much a house of neglect); they allowed him to be around kids his age and make friends; they gave him the best education in the world - but all that stopped being a thing 'good people' did the first time he realized what the purpose of the House is and, in his eyes, Watari didn't help him for selfless reasons - it was to gain something from him, and maybe if it had been something else he would've been fine with it, but it was his identity; the only thing Tobias had. Then after his disillusionment he kept noticing worse things (how each letter being handed down to them means the one who held it prior died, which means several dozen of children/young adults from the program; how they were allowed to leave and die out in the streets if they felt like it etc), and then years later came L's famous shattering of hearts where he told the orphans that he doesn't do things for justice, that he too could be considered a criminal in the eyes of the law if they heard of some of his dealings.

All things considered, Tobias became a far more well-adjusted person than could have been hoped for sb in his circumstances. He appreciates the House for the opportunities it brought him, but he simultaneously has resentment for it and the staff (+L) attached to it. He doesn't care about how they do things, but his vision of justice is wholly different from theirs. He finds fault in their approaches, and unlike L you can expect Tobias to help you if you ask or beg him to even if he doesn't have any interest in your 'case'. While L is busy taking care of the most heinous cases that haven't yet been cracked, Tobias takes care of the actual evil entrenched in the system; from politicians, to the army, to the mafia, to practically every facet of society you can think of; aka the sides that he was abused by and the ones he's certain are of much more importance to the regular person than some far off genius criminal from the other side of the world. The people abused by law enforcement; the people taken by the mafia; the people accused as scapegoats; they're all people that Tobias willingly helps by taking them out of their situation and giving them enough $ to be set for life afterwards. If someone like him had been there for him when he was a child, he would've had a normal life. But there wasn't, so he's become it for everyone else in his former position/a similar position to the one he found himself in almost two decades ago.

[doctxrdoctxr]

My CFS and POTS are both flaring incredibly symptom wise and I swear I am so exhausted, in pain, and weak that I look like fucking Goob right now

[thatone-highlighter]

tell me something about SU perhaps? Anything u want, I just wanna hear u talk about SU :]

im going to be autistic at you for a little bit now about Amethyst and Steven's relationship

ive tried to write out about 3 different versions of this and i havent gotten one im happy with so were just gonna roll with it okay? okay

one of the big things people talk about in the show is how the gems treat steven. the big two examples being in the episodes following A Single Pale Rose and in especially in Future. but a lot of the things people say are only really applicable to Pearl and Garnet. they dont really know how to deal with steven's issues and they both have a bad habit of falling back into old roles and as the show goes on they both start to more and more default to steven as the leader. but Amethyst, doesnt really do that.

after SPR, in between steven spending whole episodes trying to comfort sapphire and pearl and ruby and bismuth, he has an episode with Amethyst in which she spends the entire episode trying to make him feel better and figure out what he needs. which no one else really stops to do even tho she was his mom.

and now admittedly, i havent watched any of future in a While, but from what i remember Amethyst does try to push harder to get steven to talk and actually Doing things about stuff she notices when compared to Garnet and Pearl

to me, what i think this comes down to is the fact that unlike Amethyst, Garnet and Pearl have never really considered or been considered an equal to Steven. when he was younger and before he developed his power steven was at the bottom of the hierarchy within the crystal gems. and he stays there for a long time. eventually he starts to catch up to amethyst and they a little bit start to see eachother as equals, but not quite. and i think thats what happens in the Steven vs Amethyst arc. theyve both grown comfortable in this not-quite-equals dynamic, or at least Amethyst has, and when she thinks Steven is starting to get better than her, shes scared shes gonna get pushed down to the bottom again. but that doesnt happen, steven pulls her back up and together they decide to be equals on a level playing field. theyre equals and when one of them is suffering the other will pull them up, and when one of them succeeds the other can be proud of them. theyre equals

but theres none of that with pearl and garnet. i guess you could argue that together they have an arc about seeing each other as equals, but not with Steven. at first they see him as this little kid, hes just a little kid hes below them, they need to look after him, teach him. but even once he comes into his own and grows up i dont think they ever really see him as even close to a real equal. they either see him as their kid to look after or even sometimes they start to defer up to him, seeing him as their superior.

you could probably argue that as much as steven has grown uo with the gems, amethyst has grown up with steven too. sure shes a lot older than him and she had already been growing into her own. but to me i think the difference between flashback and even early season 1 amethyst to amethyst by the end of the show, she really grew up With Steven.

anyways yeah. i love amethyst and i love her friendship with steven. i love tiger millionare and tiger philanthropist. i love crack the whip, steven vs amethyst, earthlings, i love on the run, i love no matter what, i love whats your problem, i love smokey quartz and i love that they were the first steven/gem fusion

[weed-cat]

.

[hey-scully-itsme]

given that my purpose at work this week is mostly to answer the phones and hold down the fort in the office I think it not unreasonable that I be allowed to read a book while I do so

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

uh oh! worlds stupidest little guy used the wrong lotion and now everything smells like my childhood bathroom and the year is 2016 and its february which means its almost valentines day which is perhaps the most accursed date on the calendar and the year is 2016 and your least favorite little guy is in full blown survival panic mode!

[saetoru]

imagine being fwbs with gojo n in the middle of folding you like a lawn chair he noses at your cheek n goes “hey do u wanna be my girlfriend?”

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩ BEST OF THE BEST — GOJO SATORU.

contents. fwb! satoru, fem! reader, minors do not interact, unprotected sex, mating press, creampie, non canon compliant (suguru and shoko are ur friend group >:( tyvm), very cheesy ending my b, yes i made a reference to this is where you’re weak, right? sue me, petnames (sweetheart, sweet girl, princess, baby)

“bet you were waitin’ for this all day, huh sweetheart?” satoru always has a way with words—a very unique, special, and irritating way with words that routinely manages to get under your skin.

you would scoff—in fact, you would call him quite a colorful variation of words if his thick cock wasn’t pressing comfortably against your sweet spot.

so instead, you gasp a quiet, “f-fuck—right there.”

“yeah, i know,” he chuckles, “this is where you need me, huh? where you’re weak?”

you can’t do anything but whimper at that, hands wrapped tightly around him as they claw into his shoulder. he always wears the marks you leave like a good sport too—shows up to the gym in a tank top that shows them off good and well, right for suguru to see them clear as day. you almost block satoru right on the spot when he sends you a selfie in the mirror, showing off the angry marks with a wink following.

it’s a bit of a predicament, fucking your high school friend and not letting anyone know. the idea of shoko and suguru finding out that every other night, satoru is in your bed as his cum leaks out of your abused cunt is enough to make you nauseous—but never nauseous enough not to open the door for him.

the most unfortunate fact you’ve learned in your life is that satoru knows how to fuck—in fact, he knows how to fuck you well enough that you let him come back. it’s a bit shameful, really, the way you let him knock on your door, the way you open it and let him in, the way you actually fuck him and let him sleep in your bed until the morning.

and then (because he’s an asshole) he wakes up, gives you a sly wink, and murmurs i’ll be back soon, yeah? keep that bed warm for me, sweetheart.

“c-close, toru—‘m gonna….gonna—”

“gonna what? cum? already? barely even fucked you yet,” he hums, hooking your leg over his shoulder before all but pressing you in half. you mewl at the way his tip brushes past your folds and splits you in half—deeper this time with the new position. “look at that,” he coos, staring down at the way his cock slips in and out of you, “takin’ me so well, sweet girl. i think you can go a bit longer, don’t you?”

“m-more, more—need—”

“i know, i know,” he grins, “need me to fuck you dumb, don’t you? don’t worry, princess. i’ll give you more.”

his hips snap into you, pelvis rocking against yours as his pre cum and your slick mix, making a mess between your bodies as it coats your skin. you gasp, pulling satoru closer as his head falls to tuck into your shoulder, his labored breaths fanning against the shell of your ear.

“‘s good,” you whine, “f-feels good, toru.”

“yeah? feel that? squeezin’ me so tight, i can barely move,” he groans, letting out a sweet, low sound into your ear that has your spine shivering—you think you could come undone from that, from the sounds he makes as your walls flutter around him.

you think everything about satoru is enough to send you over the edge, from the sound of his voice to that pretty face of his when he spills into you.

you know he’s close—you can feel the slight twitch of his cock as his pace gets sloppier, as his thumb finds your clit and rubs desperate circles into the sensitive nerves, as he practically presses your knees to your shoulders and bullies his throbbing cock deep into your dripping cunt. and you’re close too, head spinning as your eyes flutter shut and your lips part with a broken wail.

“c-close—‘gonna cum, toru,” you gasp, voice coming in labored pants as his breath hitches.

you look perfect like this—like you’re his, like your body was made for him to touch in sinful ways, like it was his cock that was always supposed to fit into you and make you fall apart. his hand grabs yours, and without thinking, both of your fingers interlace.

“baby,” he hums, his nose pressing into your cheek as he kisses the skin softly, “‘m gonna make you mine, yeah? wanna be my girlfriend? my sweet girl? you want it, right?”

you should be shocked—you should stop and ask him what he means, what he’s playing at, what he thinks he’s doing toying with your mind.

instead, you gasp, pulling him closer as your walls spasm around him, back arching and eyes rolling back as the coil in your belly snaps and you cum. hard. harder than he’s ever made you before. does the idea of being his really do that to you? does the idea of being his sweet, precious girl outside of your bed at night really send you hurdling over the edge like that?

evidently, it does—and your high sends him right into his own. like he needs you to fall apart so he can too, like the way he knows you feel good makes him feel good too. maybe he does want you, maybe it’s not a sick joke. the way his voice cracks with a strained call of your name certainly says as much—the way his hand tightens its grip on yours, the way his hips rut desperately as he presses impossibly closer, the way he presses hot, scattered kisses along your cheek and jaw as he groans through his release.

it’s messy. it’s filthy. it’s downright dirty the way satoru fucks his cum into you, letting it drip down your thighs and mark your skin—but it feels like being his.

you think you might want that.

he’s gentle when he finishes—carefully unhooks your legs from his shoulders before running a hand along your thigh and squeezing as he observes the cum dripping between your legs. you huff when he collapses over you, glaring at him as his weight presses onto your form.

“you’re heavy,” you grunt, smacking at his shoulder.

he hums, nose pressing to your jaw as he kisses it. “not moving till you answer me.”

“satoru, don’t joke about—”

“how rude,” he gasps, “you think i would joke while i’m balls deep in—”

“oh my god,” you groan, covering your face with your hands, “please stop talking.”

he grins, chuckling as he shuffles up to bury his face into your neck, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin. “you don’t wanna be my girlfriend? that’s gonna hurt my feelings, y’know.”

satoru has always been like that, wearing an easy grin and plastering that playfulness on like a second skin. you can hear it though—the slight unease in his voice. you can’t fathom letting everyone know that sometimes, you let satoru fuck you…but maybe knowing that sometimes, you hold hands, and maybe kiss, and perhaps snuggle on the couch, and potentially even share a bed to sleep, not just fuck, but sleep—maybe they can know that. 

that doesn’t sound so bad. 

“that depends,” you hum, pretending to think, “how good at being a boyfriend are you?”

“excellent,” he plays along, “best of the best.”

“that’s just big talk. you could be lying for all i know,” you point out—but your fingers slip into his hair, twirling the sweaty strands along your fingers. 

“well, you’ll just have to let me prove i’m a good boyfriend—so that means i have to be your boyfriend. sorry, it’s the only way.”

if satoru hears the giggle you try to hide as you sigh exaggeratedly, he doesn’t mention it, lips pulling into a giddy smile as he pulls his head out of your neck and presses his forehead to yours. your hands cup his cheeks, squeezing gently.

“i guess if this is the only way,” you shake your head theatrically, “you can be my boyfriend. for now.”

“i’m grateful,” he snorts—and then there’s a peck to your lips. one, two, three gentle kisses before he presses a lingering one. it’s sweet, and slow, and just a bit needy as he presses deeper into you. “now i can tell suguru the scratches on my back are yours. he’s been asking a lot.”

leave it to satoru to speak and ruin the moment just by opening his mouth.

“satoru,” you hiss, throwing him a sharp look, “i think you’d be a better boyfriend when your mouth is shut.”

“then i can’t kiss you,” he gasps, “that’s the best part of being my girlfriend.”

and just to prove it, he kisses you again—and maybe, although you hate to admit it, he’s right. it is the best part. 

i wanna be his girlfriend :(