#i still personally choose not to engage with people who enjoy certain content for my own comfort and sanity

[mother-vermin]

Hi! I'm vermin, it/it's, nonbinary. Welcome to my misgen blog!

I've been introduced to the kink through a wonderful community and have been inspired to make a blog. I've seen it expressed that there's a lack of certain content within the space, including both content for transfemmes and praise-based play. There will not be exclusively these things on this blog, but it is the catalyst I'm building off of.

THIS IS FIRST AND FOREMOST A SPACE FOR TRANS PEOPLE. I will be blocking cis and/or transphobic people.

I am generally a dom bottom. I am pansexual, but I'm sapphic-leaning. I'm still relatively new to the kink, so please be patient with me.

KINKS INCLUDE: cnc, degradation, cumplay/breeding, objectifying, threats/fearplay, exhibitionism, misgen!

LIMITS: (no judgement!) feederism, ddlg/intensive ageplay, brat taming, "dykebreaking" (expanded on this in my BYF), edging, 24/7 dynamic, raceplay

DNI: the classics. cis folks, transmeds, swerfs/terfs, racists, nazis, transphobes, pedos, minors. I'll do my part in being vigilant these people don't interact in the first place.

BYF: A few things you might like to know! First, I don't personally really get aroused by being misgendered. It doesn't bother me, and I enjoy acting like a "woman" sometimes for the kink. Ultimately, it really just feeds into my joy for degradation and humiliation as a dom.

Secondly, I don't enjoy compulsory heterosexuality within any kink, including this one. This is where "dykebreaking" comes in. I enjoy a lot of the concept, but if you only want to engage with posts about PiV or "women bottom, men top", etc, this is not the blog for you. I believe transfemmes who prefer bottoming and transmascs who prefer topping should be able to wholeheartedly engage in this space if they wish.

Lastly, I'll likely make a post that goes further into it at another time, but I am choosing to engage in this kink with transmasc, transfemme, and nonbinary people. I understand I do not have the perspective and relationship with gender that all of these groups do, but I'm confident I'm playing ethically and equitably through feedback I have received. If you'd also like to give feedback, feel free! If it's genuine, I will take it to heart.

TAGS: #muah 💋 or #muah <3 for my personal posts, usually (may have been used on posts I really enjoyed in the past)

#good girl moments / #good boy moments: behavior I believe deserves praise!

#fixed!: behavior I believe deserves praise AND shows someone has reached their full slutty potential 💕

Asks and DM's are welcome, but I may not answer DM's and I do not play in DM's. Thank you! Muah 💋

[starsreminisce]

Is society moving backwards? The way I see fandoms behave is so off putting

It does feel that way when reading about how Gwyn's SA history doesn't excuse her predatory behavior towards Azriel. When I call out the person, they insist they didn't mean it negatively.

ACOSAF, released in 2018, shows Lucien giving Elain space, and Azriel and Elain growing closer. ACOSF develops the triangle, with SJM barely giving Elriel moments but reminding us that Elucien still exists, renewing my hope. The blasted Az BC complicates matters, featuring Gwyn prominently and Az's feelings for Elain, albeit framed as purely sexual with resentment toward her bond. The lack of new info for five years keeps us relying on the existing narrative.

Half the time, it’s just pinpointing why engage in content someone doesn’t agree with?

Therapy has taught me two things: if I can let it go, let it go. If I can't, is it worth my time to engage with someone who won't agree with me? If I choose to, I express it solely to avoid dwelling on it, understanding that my goal is not to change your mind but to clear mine.

Honestly, I struggle with this, particularly in the beginning, which is why I've revived my Tumblr.

I genuinely appreciate reading differing opinions; healthy discussions help me reconsider different perspectives, expanding my world. However, I prefer seeking them when I'm in the right frame of mind to receive them. If you're in my inbox seeking to change my mind, be prepared that I won't. Personally, it took a bonus chapter for me to even acknowledge Elriel.

And that’s lowkey worse because all I see are red flags for both Elain and Azriel.

Here's hoping the new ACOTAR book is announced in around six months, and a detailed blurb about the featured couple is provided, allowing readers to adjust their expectations accordingly.

However, the Bryceriels has taught me that people will believe what they want, and sometimes they think they know better than the actual author.

Cut because now I’m just venting to vent

I enjoy revisiting passages and discovering new Elucien parallels or details that discredit an Elriel endgame. A point against Elriel is still a point towards Elucien for me. Sometimes I worry about coming off as a hater, but I prefer pulling examples from the actual books rather than labeling fans of a certain ship as misogynists, illiterate, lacking reading comprehension, or delusional. We've all read the same books, and I just don't see Elriel the same way they do.

Even though I'm the one providing quotes that Elucien's bond snapped, emphasizing that Lucien and Tamlin weren't involved in their kidnapping, clarifying that Azriel didn't lunge for Elain, and pointing out that Azriel did care when Gwyn was taken, it's frustrating to encounter absurd nitpicking. Responses like "the thread is on the lower rib and that doesn't feel like where it should be," "they were still involved with Hybern," "that's because of the ash arrow," "Emerie is there too," and "Madja overheard them talking about it, that's how she knew Lucien is Elain's fake mate" make it challenging to have constructive discussions.

If there's a need to prompt people to reread the series with a focus on specific clues, it suggests that those details weren't initially apparent or obvious from the beginning.

[axl-ul]

Author Ask Tag Game (???)

Thanks a lot to @angie-j-kay for tagging me^^ This was very lovely of you. I'm choosing Empire of Dust for this tag game.

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it? - I'm not exactly sure about the lesson, however the theme itself might be described as a tale of a lost soul that must learn to fight through life and whether the said soul is capable of maintaining its own innocence. It's all about questioning one's morale high ground and also whether we are born innocent or we gather the innocence by comminting ourselves to good deeds. Yet what is right and what is wrong is another question to be examined in my wip. To sum up, it's mostly a story about the true nature of child-like kindness and the corruption of it. I chose it simply because I have a certain experience with people losing their hope, their mind and ultimately their ability to care about each other.

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)? - As my other wips, I look for inspiration everywhere. Or rather the inspiration looks for me because the chaarcters are based of mythical creatures and gods while having personalities and traits of a few people I know personally. I'm also quite passionate about Biology, so it's safe to say that when creating vrious characters and monsters, I simply take out Uncle Google and my old textbooks about human anatomy/abnormalities of a developing body/animals. I'm also inspired by several world mythologies and legends (Slavic, Nordic, Chinese, Japanese etc.) and older literature (Journey to the West, several Slavic authors) and also 'modern' stuff (Berserk manga, Fromsoftware games etc.). A big influence is also a book Fantasy World-building by A. Nelson which hepled me with coming up with my own ideas and unique looks for monsters (like seeing a creature in a uniquely shaped piece of wood).

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person? - Ulfrika is trying to find peace for herself but especially for her last relative, her youngest sister Márgerdra, by bringing her 'home'. I'm not sure what I'm trying to achieve myself. There are several things on my mind at the same time. I simply want to tell a story as I enjoy creating. Might be that the storytelling and writing is a sort of an escape for me, the world where I can reconsider my decision while using similar themes as pillars for my writings. Maybe I just really love to explore my own mind and ideas. If it helps other people to grow or if it even inspires them, then itps certainly nice and lovely thing. Yet, I can't say it's my primary goal.

How many chapters is your story going to have? - 27 chapters and I'm considering to add prologue and epilogue.

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it? - Empire of Dust is an original fiction (a dark fantasy mystery with strong horror elements and historical setting). Considering that AO3 has been taken down, I suppose I'll post it either here on Tumblr or I'll find another site (maybe Tappas?? But most likely I'll stick with Tumblr). In case that AO3 is back again, it'll be posted on both AO3 and Tumblr.

When and why did you start writing? - I came up with the idea about a year (and half??) ago because I've been pretty invested in Byzantine Empire and Slavic people who interacted with it. And I also wanted to write down a story about Ulfrika and Márgerdra while they were still children/early teens, about their struggles and especially about Ulfrika spiraling down to the rabbit hole which caused a sort of a domino effect on her character.

Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow? - I'm not sure what this question entirely means so maybe that you don't have to be afraid of being annoying, cringe or anything else. Just write and be your own no. 1 fan. If you find a way to love your own work then you'll also love the work of the rest of your fellow writers. About the writeblr accounts, there's just so many and I'm not sure whether my keyboard and my goldfish memory would be able to mention everyone, so I'll mention those who come to my mind as first and that is @arijensineink @faelanvance @rbbess110 @jgmartin @anthros-vanitas-archive already mentioned account @angie-j-kay @rubywrite @toribookworm22 @missaddledmiss @aohendo @outpost51 @dyrewrites and also many more. Love you all, darlings

I'm leaving an open tag for everyone as I feel that everybody deserves this sort of ask which has really nice questions

[sweetescapeartist]

Happy birthday to Malcolm Little/ Malcolm X/ El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz

A great man, a great leader, a great speaker, a great revolutionary. From studying him when I was a teen and still on into adulthood, I have become better at mind control (controlling your own mind by thinking and acting for yourself). My father also played a huge part in me developing mind control at a young age. And from studying how he did things, as well as how my father taught me from childhood, I have become an autodidact in many things. My art being one of those things. In regards to this blog & Dragon Ball, I apply Malcolm X's teachings in just about all that I do.

I don't let my enemy/opponent control my thoughts and I do not let them control the narrative of hating Earthlings (specifically Krillin) as they please. I do not need to engage and debate them at every turn because my enemy has made up their mind. I speak to people like me and to those who seek truth. And I do my utmost to speak in a way that is undeniable and based in facts as opposed to the majority who base their thoughts off of lies. I know my enemy's talking points and how to counter them. I know the subject matter better than my enemy in order to shut down the lies they spread. I learn how the mind works in order to dismantle their flawed logic. I speak with "an open hand" or "a closed fist" when needed. I create my own narritive without relying on those who are popular who have power over the simple-minded people of the fandom. I take my time with my research to make sure my logic has no holes in it in order to combat whatever misinformation is out there. The majority of the DB fandom aren't against us. Only certain ones who hold influence and some others. Many just go along with lies that are constantly repeated by influential people (those with a big following and those with small followings who repeat lies ppl enjoy hearing). I want to continue to be a positive influence of truthfulness against those hateful lies that have poisoned the fandom. And to do so, what I do must stick in your head. Which is why I choose to associate my content with truth and comedy as well as other ranges of emotional responses. Truth is knowing & can be understood by all. Laughing is feeling & can be felt by all. If I can make you have those two things, then I have succeeded. Those unlike us who enjoy lies can only make a person have a raw uneducated emotional response. They cause others to know less so that they can be easier to control. I do not require control of your mind. I only intend to nudge you in the direction you seek & are already on. I cannot nudge those who enjoy lies in the same direction you want to head to. Their mind is already made up. No reason to change the mind of a purposeful fool. Let fools be who they are. Their ideas are rooted in opinion, made up facts that they themselves control. Mine and yours are rooted in fact. They have rudimentary knowledge. We have deep knowledge rooted in truth.

The one thing I am still practicing is how to be more outgoing and more outspoken. I don't like to over speak another person because I like to show respect. But I have to train myself that ppl in present day speak with less respect more and more. So I must speak with more power. I also need to schedule things I have planned in a better way so I can interact more with those in my circle. Follow our code of respect & build more mutural respect for each other in order to stand together against those who hate Krillin & other Earthlings. And once I am more organized, I will be able to produce more content in many forms. I do my best to make sure I am not overconfident. That means that I have overlooked something due to arrogance. So, I keep a calm level of confidence. And if I do not know something, I will admit such and will seek correction when necessary.

And the content I make is fashioned to reach the root truth in the mind of those who seek it. Because a smart man does not rely on his enemy to speak for him or do for him. His enemy will tell him & others like him that there is no fight. His enemy will create a narrative to sabotage him. However, a mentally strong man does not sway from the truth. He stands firmly in it regardless of what comes his way & what opposition he faces. He does not accept payouts to do what he disagrees with and speaks against. He is courageous. He does not back down. He strategizes. He puts plans into action. He inspires others just as others inspired him. He makes it so that others can take what he says and use their knowledge in a similar manner he does in different aspects of life (the fandom or in real life).

I cannot be "defeated" by anyone. No enemy is on my intellectual level in terms of truth nor is any enemy on the level of some of my peers. Only I can defeat myself by turning against what I promote. And that... I will never do.

[ahaura]

my thoughts on sh*v, which is to say how some sh*v fans talk about her and regard her online

to preface: 1) i am not as attuned to the characterizations and machinations of succ.ession therefore i have gotten things wrong before about characters n i am not going to claim i am spot-on or 100% on my analysis of sh*v as a character but 2) i have some thoughts and opinions on how certain (read: probably not you reading this!) sh*v fans regard her and her place within the show

TW for mentions of: sexual assault & harassment, child abuse, etc.

i am 100% aware of the fact that within the confines of her family, within her father's world, gender makes a world of difference and that because she is a woman she is neither treated nor thought of in the same way as her brothers or father or her husband will ever be. that she experiences misogyny is obviously wrong and inexcusable, it has shaped her and shaped her experiences with both her loved ones and acquaintances. i acknowledge all of that.

my point of uh "contention" i guess is when people solely focus on the single axis of marginalization on which she experiences discrimination. it's when the ironic #girlboss feminism comments turn into, almost, painting shiv as THE victim of the roy family. like she has suffered the MOST. like every interaction she has or slight she experiences must ONLY be examined EXCLUSIVELY through the lens of gender, when, as huge as a role her gender plays, there are two things that eclipse that: that she is a white woman - and - she is a member of one of the most powerful and influential families on the entire planet.

i love snook as much as the next person and enjoy shiv as a character but the way in which certain fans engage with her and assess her just rubs me the wrong way. you can definitely say she is a victim of misogyny. you can definitely say that she was harmed and shaped by her father in the same way her brothers were, but also differently because of her gender. but she is also a roy, through and through. there are COUNTLESS posts about logan's abuse (implied, implicit, and speculated) and how it + their upbringing has shaped roman and kendall. they, too, are a product of their environment. but they also made choices. they have the capacity to make choices. the drive/motivation behind said choices can be debated and dissected to the end of time (kendall all but abandoning his daughter and choosing the n*zi candidate because it suits his wants, roman's transformation from a shitty guy who sexually harasses one of his employees into a neo-n*zi (whether he actually believes what menken believes is irrelevant; intention does not negate outcome)) but the fact is they still made choices.

shiv may have tried to make different choices and maybe she does have different, more respectable principles than her brothers but it only goes so far. skin deep. i can't remember which season it was but when a (iirc) a SA victim was going to come forward, sh*v was conflicted about it! you could tell that she didn't want to! but it doesn't matter, because she went to that victim - someone who was also a woman, btw - and silenced her on HER FATHER'S BEHALF. you may want to say "what about the game logan made his kids play" or "she felt she had no choice if she wanted to win" or "someone else would have done it if not shiv" and im telling you that ultimately none of that MATTERS when, in REAL TIME, shiv CHOSE to SILENCE A VICTIM TO PROTECT HER FATHER. TO PROTECT THE COMPANY. TO PROTECT CAPITAL. and while, yes, her working against her brothers would have been BETTER for everyone, she wasn't doing it out of the goodness of her heart. she stuttered when talking about convictions the only time she brought it up. she was in it for herself, for her own gain, and you can argue that's just how it is in their world, that she was programmed to think of it that way, etc etc, it doesnt matter, i do not care.

every single utterance of convictions, principles, and morals ring hollow for me especially after watching that unfold. shiv CHOSE TO DO THAT. i think we can all agree that silencing a victim of sexual assault is NOT FEMINIST, YES?

as a character, shiv is very interesting. there's a lot of nuance and analysis to be had and i enjoy her as much as anyone else. but i regard her in the same way as i regard kendall (like shiv, trapped in his father's playground, an addict who was broken down by his father, but ultimately a man who will never be held accountable for killing someone and still decided the fate of the world), and roman (like shiv, trapped in his father's playground, abused by his father physically and perhaps otherwise which shaped him into the person he is, who CHOSE to sexually harass gerri and has WILLFULLY supported the n*zi candidate), and connor (excluded from his father's playground, or at least put in a different corner, a man whose mother was institutionalized, is the firstborn of logan roy but never treated as such or remembered, never counted among the real roy siblings, but is still absolutely a scumbag whose power and money most DEFINITELY govern his and willa's 'marriage'). they are human, with their own traits and pitfalls and wretchedness, but they are also members of one of the most powerful families in the world, which means that they can go through all of that, and it all can be bad and horrible, but their decisions do not just affect them and their inner dynamics, the fate of entire countries, the whole planet. on a whim, for capital, or personal gain, whatever. the roy children fall on 2 scales: the human scale, onto which we can identify with them or identify their humanness (good or bad), and the grand scale, which is to say that the troubles of the children of billionaires are WHOLLY eclipsed by how their decisions affect the entire world.

and i'm not saying you can't like or enjoy these characters! this is television, yes, but 1) remember their place in the world at large and 2) seeing as how these characters and the show itself is based off of a very real family who has very real control over media and has caused very real harm in real life, i would just... idk, caution you not to woobify your faves too far.

[awideplace]

Hello! I saw the thing you posted about women not being w guys who watch certain stuff etc and I definitely believe this because since being a Christian my eyes have been opened to the horrors of this stuff but I have to ask, what if someone struggles with watching it and knows it’s a problem, is getting better at pulling away since finding God themselves??

So if someone is now a Christian, knows watching pornography or sexually-filled shows/movies is against God's Word, but is struggling to let go of that sin?

I'm going to be blunt, people just need to stop. I see so many people tip-toe around porn use and it's sad, it's not just detrimental to those who watch it there are victims you are profiting off of and the traffickers are profiting off of. I have very little patience for those who "enjoy" watching people being used or hurt - and if this person is a Christian and is watching this? Where is the heart at if this is being enjoyed? Oh no, run from it. Run from what you're tempted to click on. Do not follow blogs that show promiscuity or content that causes you to be tempted - just say no, just stop following, stop clicking, stop looking, stop tuning in to everything that is profiting off the very lives of children, women, and men and damaging souls to hell.

Yes, I know I sound severe here, but I think this is a huge issue and no one talks about it or they are too soft about it and people are still locked into cages that are thriving off the innocent and it needs to STOP. Pornography profits off of humans, children, those kidnapped, trafficked, women that have difficult backgrounds and need love and a good job, not to be used by men for men! There is nothing more anti-women than pornography (well, and transgenderism which makes a mockery of womanhood). If I have professing brothers and sisters in Christ who are watching pornography, please stop. Stop for the sake of those who are in the videos and headed to hell for your entertainment. Please stop. There is nothing innocent about watching it or fantasizing about it. I have heard people say, "It's just a fantasy - it's just a script - as long as it's not being done in person you're fine." No, you're damning your soul to hell by watching it, by engaging in sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:9, Galatians 5:19-21). I didn't say it, God did in the Bible so take it up with him, not me. If you're a professing Christian partaking in sexual sin, please pray to God and repent. He can make you new, give you new desires and a new heart (I've seen it in myself). He can help you, I promise he can.

I am blunt and I understand this, but this sexual sin is unique in how it affects SO many other people and the most innocent among us (children, slaves, the marginalized of society, bringing on more abortions which is the murder of children). I have no patience for tip-toeing around such an important issue. I see people also side with those using pornography and feeling bad for them - no, I feel bad for the VICTIMS. We all have choices to make. We have choices of the food we eat, what we spend our money on, what we watch. I do NOT take personal choice and responsibility away from people with what they CHOOSE to click on and watch. This is probably the most heated you will ever see me because we live in an overly sexualized society and women are bearing the brunt of it, beloved. My heart breaks for the state of the world in this regard.

[moonsdancer]

Really enjoy your content defending MelJay (we need more of that) and Mel (WE NEED A LOT MORE OF THAT), but I feel as if lately you’ve sometimes been a little mean about Viktor and Jayvik. I’m a black que disabled man and I would really love to hear what you think about him and his relationship to both Jayce or Mel. I like Jayvik too, but the treatment the fandom gives to all three characters makes it very difficult to feel comfortable enjoying both ships.

It’s starting to feel like you have to choose sides between your race and sexuality.

Sorry if this was offending, I’m shit at talking and I really respect your opinion in fandom so this is meant as actual interest. I’m not tryna fight or something, just asking.

Not offensive at all, friend, and I partly get where you're coming from ❤ . I think fandom is always gonna force us to curate what we engage with and that's the sad reality.

I don’t know that I'm personally ever mean to Viktor (have been shady about jayvik and certain shippers, can't lie, but I try to keep it cute) so much as making a conscious decision not to engage at all with the loud cohort his toxic fans (or their content) who continually shit on Jayce and/or Mel in some way. I was actually super fond of and engaged with Viktor in the early days (see my early adoration for Meljayvik) but once it became apparent that Mel was a nonfactor for so many, even in the triad, and that there was no one, and I mean no one making content for and about her (or meljay and to some degree for Jayce), I reset my priorities. I only have so much time for fandom stuff.

It should be noted: Viktor isn't hurting for love, he is the most popular character in this fandom besides Silco and Jinx, by far. Jayvik is the second most popular ship by far. So to be blunt, I don't really feel like I, in my insignificant corner of the fandom, need to expend as much energy on him or the pairing (which I don't ship beyond friendship) .

We know which character has been getting unwarranted levels of hate since the show aired. We know who is continually erased, rendered invisible, reduced from the story, from her own and the wider story of the show. We know who has people wishing she would die. We know which voice actress had people trying to shit on her character in a fan event. We know who is perpetually flattened, villainized and misrepresented. We know who is getting the least art or any fan content.

The answer is Mel. Not Viktor.

So while I endlessly respect everything Viktor represents, he is still not and never will be subject to the kind casually violent disregard and misogynoir that Mel is because she is Black and a woman who also happens to be Jayce’s lover. He gets some vile ableism, but we can see the treatment of these characters is not the same and that he has privilege re: fandom due to his perceived race and gender etc. Thus for me, I've decided to pour energy into fighting for Mel because few others will bother.

All of the above ramble (sorry!) to say I hope you can find a happy space to feed what you love from the show. MJV discord if you're not in it might be a good space.

[tr1ck5]

(2/2) Sorry in advance for the cursing:

2) The Seifer thing: The Japanese version of the game makes it very clear that she doesn't like him. Selphie asks her if she still likes him, and she says she doesn't. And even in the English version, she tells Selphie that she doesn't know if he was her boyfriend nor if she was in love with him, and she didn't know how he felt about her. She hesitates so much when she talks about him and their alleged past; if he wasn't actually her boyfriend, how is she a whore? Then the Ultimanias literally never mention their "relationship"; giving more credence to her statement in Japanese that she doesn't like him. She never flirts with him in the game; her two conversations that she actually has with him are yelling at him to not comment on whatever happened a year ago, and then pleading for him to let her go and not push her towards Adel. That's "flirting" apparently?!

I swear it disgusts me when people use, say, Mike Bettencourt's walkthroughs on YouTube to play through FF8, he's such a fucking hypocrite regarding Rinoa; he literally says he doesn't like Rinoa because she's a damsel in distress, the only thing she ever does is cry for Squall to come and save her, and he deliberately chooses to make Squall an asshole to Rinoa in the first 2 discs, yet Mike keeps putting Rinoa in Squall's active party. What a fucking hypocrite. If he hates her, why does he keep utilizing her? Some people have actually brought this up with him, but he ignores them. I stopped subscribing to his channel after that.

End super long rant. I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind. I like your analyses and other posts on Squinoa, hence why I reached out to you. Also, I'm actually hiding offline because I've been getting harassed by antis in my social media DM's recently.

I'm not sure how to say this without coming off as flippant anon, because this comes from a place of sincerity, but I genuinely worry a little about you. What I mean is that it can't be good for your overall mood to be butting heads this much with people who are essentially enjoying themselves towards the same game as you albeit in a (yes okay: drastically) different way. And I'm not saying I agree with the so-called 'antis' --everyone knows I'm a big sappy Squinoa shipper-- BUT ultimately the way they interact with the game and its canon doesn't hurt me in any way and they are allowed to participate in fandom as they choose. I don't go out seeking them and their content just as I absolutely imagine they don't purposefully seek mine. We could argue all day about the intent behind the story and characters of a 25 year old game all we want but it wouldn't accomplish anything but make us all hate each other's guts. Let and let live, live-laugh-love, yolo etc etc. I have no idea who that YouTuber is, but keep in mind that, as with all content creators nowadays, outrage generates the most clicks and the most engagement, ergo: more traffic to their channels/videos, more visibility and thus... mo' money. Not saying that's what he does at all but it's definitely something to think about. Again, I tend not to interact or consume media about subjects on fandom that I don't agree with, personally. ''I am 30 or 40 years old and I do not need this'' as a certain sentient milkshake once said. Of course I don't mind lending an ear and giving (hopefully good) advice and thoughts anon! But like I said, I'm just a bit worried. FFVIII in particular has always been kind of the black sheep of FF's, and having had to constantly defend my love for this game to the 'outside world' just has me not wanting us to fight among ourselves on top of it. <3

[hoghtastic]

Anon(or perhaps you are “H”🤷‍♀️🤔😉🤭

Girl, stop playing dumb. You know exactly what a stan is and why you and others are called stans. Of course it’s possible to “support” Alex and even Johanne without being a stan. But those are not the fans the anon and others are referring to. And you know that🙄 Btw, your ask looks very familiar. It looks very similar to one of the asks that was posted on the other blog🤔👀 Too bad the blog was deleted. I would love to know for certain.

I follow/watch the stories that fan pages post as well. Some fan pages are more “chill” or appear to be more “normal” if you will. And others are straight up stans. I’m sure some admins of fan pages are “levelheaded” and “sweet” as you said. But they can be “sweet” and still a stan.

So, who is “attacking” or “trashing” anyone? Oh, you mean if someone disagrees with you/has a different opinion. Although you claim you are ok with other fans having a different opinion. You also referred to some opinions as being “out there”. As well as going on and on critiquing, criticizing and complaining about other opinions. You keep on contradicting yourself. It sure doesn’t sound like you are ok with differing opinions. You don’t get to police other fans. You can’t control what people think about fan pages. Or how they respond to fan pages. Either you believe fans can have different opinions or you don’t. Of course fan pages will continue to post what they want. But some fans might have an opinion about it. Get over it🤷‍♀️

Just admit that you were upset that the anon called out the behavior of stans .The anon disagreed with the posts from those 2 fan pages and you couldn’t handle it. The anon wasn’t “tearing down” anyone. Stop being so overly dramatic. But I guess calling the anon a “delusional/obsessed girly” wasn’t “tearing down” someone. Or is it only ok when the stans do it🤷‍♀️

I must say your ask was a very good attempt at playing dumb and trying to make you and the other fan pages/stans the “victims”👏 Although I’m not surprised. It’s what you stans have done for years. Hopefully you won’t “engage” or “waste your time” as you said. Although I think you said that on the other blog too. Continuing to have this discussion about stans is getting a little old. But if we have to, I’m always up for it😊

Anon to anon.

“Continuing to have this discussion about stans is getting a little old.” — I totally agree with this, honestly. 😅 We could stay here forever, but ultimately people are entitled to their own opinions, and no amount of “fighting” will change what a person likes or doesn’t like… so I believe “respect” should be the keyword. Like, for example, I’m also not a fan of the pages we’re calling “stans” and I do think their comments are sometimes exaggerated and even “cringy”. But I do not take the time to tell them this, as I acknowledge it would only be a waste of time and an exchange of negativity, and in the end, nothing would change. They’d still post whatever they want and my opinion about them would remain the same. So I simply choose not to engage with them. They clearly have their audience who enjoy their content, and they’re not actively harming anyone, so it’s live and let live, I suppose. 🤷‍♀️

[x9937552]

A Year Ago Today

It has been exactly one year (and one day) since the incident at my job. I denied it for so long, thinking about how I could have died, or could have seen everyone around me die at work, could not affect me.

It has also been one year since I last saw who I thought was my soulmate. I saw so many signs. But I know now that a life partner is too good to be true. I no longer believe that I'm meant to be with anyone. It's clear that no one that I'm interested in sees anything worth exploring in me.

I have finally stopped watching astrology content. I respect other people's beliefs, but I realize that it's not real for me. All it does is keep me waiting for wishes like a dumb child.

I still cry. I don't think I'll truly get over being alone. But at least I know how to navigate it, because it's all I know.

We are transitioning in a new manager into our department, which means new rules, which means pushing out all the old people who refuse to comply. I acknowledge that everyone is simply doing their job. Despite having no managerial experience, I do know that every new manager tries to establish themselves with their own rules and changes (expecting them to respect the current circumstances is unrealistic) in order to gain respect, or simply make it seem that they're doing their job. Because honestly, managers don't do much grunt work. They arguably do less and earn more.

Today flashed me back to my previous job where I was scolded left and right for not performing up to par. Naturally, I have an excuse for everything, but I'm not lazy. I have worked so hard ever since I got hired. I don't claim to be the best worker, but I'm certainly not the worst. I don't call out excessively, and I don't have issues with my coworkers that inhibit my ability to work. But none of it matters because I'm not a people person. I don't like talking to people. I don't like engaging with customers in order to sell them something. I don't like talking to strangers in order to sell them something. It's disgusting.

So today I realized that I have to get out of here, whether or not I deserve better, because I don't want to repeat my past. I don't want to stay somewhere longer than I should have (and I already have, honestly). There goes another 401k to waste (I never signed up, and I never took advantage of the health coverage). But it doesn't matter anyway, because a couple thousand dollars don't matter when you're dead. I have life insurance. I'm not certain of the ins and outs (I highly doubt they cover suicide), but I'm going to make sure that I'm incinerated, so that my family won't scramble to gather pennies to bury me. It's expensive and it destroys the planet.

After a long period of heavy days, where I was actively thinking of ways to end my life, I felt clear-minded. I wasn't overtly suicidal ever since my period has ended, but I know that the feelings will return. Thoughts of suicide don't go away on their own. I know one day I'll get over my fear of the pain and the logistics of killing myself, and no one will stop me. I won't live to tell my story: about how I regret the act, and will prevent others from doing so. Life is too treacherous to do. I don't blame anyone, however promising or loved or cushioned, for choosing to die at their own hand.

I will make sure that my last days will be in comfort. I will choose where I actually enjoy earning money. And I will make sure that I find a fool-proof way to kill myself. Someday.

[tittyblade]

tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason. 

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it. 

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others. 

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol. 

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

[brighteyedjill]

Why censor a fandom event?

Do the mods for a fandom event have the right to  make restrictions on content? Sure. They’re volunteers running their own event. 

But. Fandom is a culture that we build together. If we were just people enjoying media in our own homes, we would not be a community. But we’re not. We talk to each other, reblog each other’s amazing art, comment on AO3, squee in Discord channels over ideas, and so on. That’s what makes fandom great: we build it collectively. And like any culture, we have some shared norms. For example, since AO3 is a big influence on our culture, tagging has become a cultural norm in fandom. We tag for the “big four” warnings on AO3, and increasingly, tag more and more details of content to help people find what they like and avoid what they don’t. 

Fandom events like Big Bangs shape fandom culture, too, though. They bring together people who might otherwise not know each other, and have a tendency to dominate the fandom conversation for a time. Restrictions in a Big Bang have a chilling effect on content creators. That means that some work will not get written because of these restrictions, and also that people’s opinions towards this kind of content may be influenced on a larger scale. I personally find this unfortunate, as some of the things on the restricted list are things I’ve written about, uh, a lot. But aside from just me, there are larger implications to consider. Read more about the history of strikethrough and content restriction to learn about who is harassed and excluded when fandom culture turns against “questionable” content. 

I posit that restrictions like this are not always The Norm™ in fandom events, nor should they be. In a fandom like the Witcher, whose canon includes everything on the restricted list, most of them graphically, I believe content of a similar nature should be welcome in fandom content. I ran my first Big Bang in 2009, and have participated in half a dozen bangs and reverse bangs since. None of them had content restrictions (here’s an example of a Big Bang without content restrictions that’s been running since 2011). Some Big Bangs do; sometimes this is dependent on the canon content, more often it depends on who has power and influence in the fandom. Here’s a case for why not to include restrictions in future events.

What are these restrictions meant to do?

As I understand it, these restrictions are meant to make things more inclusive by allowing more people to participate. Are they successful in that? It’s possible they allow different people to participate. As with many things, there are competing access needs here. More on that below. But let’s look at what “making things more inclusive” means in practice. 

Problem: We want to allow participation from people who don’t want to come into contact with dark content. 

OK. Let’s help participants avoid coming into contact with dark content if they don’t want to. How might they come into contact with dark content?

1.) People might hear upsetting conversations in Discord chat

Solution: Ask people to post in the appropriate channel. Use a “walk away” rule to encourage people to leave the channel if a conversation comes up that they’re not comfortable with. If you want to go further, you could have people warn for certain topics, or restrict darker topics to a specific channel, though this runs up against a different issue (see below).

2) People might see content in the claims that they don’t like, or don’t want to work on. 

Solution: Usually in a Big Bang the artists look at a list of summaries and tags and choose which fic(s) they’d like to work on. No artist is going to be forced to work on anything they don’t want to. Even artists who enjoy dark content are often illustrating something other than the darkest, most graphic, or most explicit moment of a fic. In a claiming situation, you can have writers tag their fics, just like they would on AO3, to allow artists to filter out content they’re not interested in or that they would find upsetting. 

2.5) We won’t find any artist to work on certain pieces.

Solution: This happens sometimes. You could put out a call for more artist participants, allow artists to claim a second piece if they want, or you may have to tell a creator that there’s not a match for them. That is a bummer, but this happens sometimes, especially in fandoms where writers vastly outnumber artists. But in no scenario will any artist be forced to write for a piece that squicks them. 

3) People might see content in the Big Bang collection that they don’t like. 

Solution: This one’s pretty easy. Tagging. Tagging has been used on AO3 since its inception to help people avoid content they do not want to see. People don’t have to engage with content they don’t want to see if it is properly tagged. 

4) The mods don’t personally want to engage with the content. 

Solution: Find a mod who will, so that mods who don’t want to don’t have to! You can get a volunteer to do this, I guarantee.

5) I want to encourage the creation of lighter or SFW content.

Solution: I get that. Say so! Explain what content you welcome, and phrase what you’re looking for in a positive way (e.g. “We require that content be T rated or below and have a generally positive outlook and an upbeat ending.”) rather than what you don’t want. Be clear, specific, and up front about it, so that you connect with the creators you’re hoping will participate. 

6) I think this content should not exist. 

This is the one I can’t help you with. If the reason you’re banning content is because, consciously or unconsciously, you think that it’s morally reprehensible, or that the people who make it are bad, I do not have a solution to offer. 

Competing Access Needs

I’m not going to get too far into the weeds on how making a list of restricted topics is impossible, because others have addressed this point. No matter what list you come up with, someone out there will find something you failed to list, but that you feel should be restricted. What to do? If they’ve already completed a fic, tell them to leave? Tell them they have to change it? Let it slide? There will be endless questions about what is and isn’t allowed, which is time-consuming and exhausting for mods, and paralyzing for creators. How do I know if this scene is un-graphic enough? Will I need to revise my whole fic? Will I get kicked out entirely if I write the wrong thing? Will some participants get preferential treatment or the benefit of the doubt because of their identities or their connections?

Censorship brings up competing access needs. Someone doesn’t want to see non-con. Someone is writing non-con fic to work through their own trauma. Someone is writing it for other reasons. Can you accommodate all these folks? I would say yes, in the ways detailed above. But when you start restricting content (as in Strikethrough or Boldthrough, discussed in the history link above), you’re not wielding a scalpel. You’re wielding an anvil, and you’re gonna crush things you didn’t mean to crush. Again, check out the history link to see who gets crushed. 

So… what to do?

Do I think people should change the rules for the events they’re running? No (john mulaney we are well past that.gif). As I said, people who are running their own events have the prerogative to restrict them for whatever audience they’re hoping to reach. Questioning fandom practices is not “shitting on” anyone (and hey--no scat allowed). 

What I would really like is for Witcher fandom to have a think about how we want to proceed as a community. What should be the norm? Witcher fandom culture (in its current form, i.e. big) is still relatively young. There can be variation, sure: Discord server vibes vary wildly, for example. But in the big events or activities that we hope will be open to the largest part of the community, how do we want to intentionally foster the maximum amount of great content about our favorite things? There are ways to be inclusive that do not involve censorship, and I believe we should use them. 

[pennielane]

I’m thinking of starting a Beatles blog but I’m worried about having like, no followers. I saw that it was recently your one year anniversary on here (congrats!) so I’m wondering if you have an advice about growing a follower base on here? Thanks I love your blog!!

hi! great question. i will start by saying that i’m not sure if gaining a big following should be your #1 goal (it will likely just put a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself and might make this a stressful space instead of a fun one!). that being said, when i first joined i wanted to do two things: (i) make gifs because that’s my favourite way to express myself on tumblr; and (ii) have meaningful interactions with the community. i did not want it to feel lonely on here when i logged on. i’m a naturally shy person so this was VERY hard for me at first, but then i learned that this fandom is so lovely and mostly everyone is so kind. anyway, here are my tips:

engage engage engage! reblog, comment, ask people questions, message them directly. i admit i can be pretty terrible sometimes at answering messages but honestly, everyone i’ve spoken with in the fandom has been wonderful. everyone is always game to talk about the boys (i mean it’s why we’re all here, right?) so don’t be afraid to reach out to people and talk about the agony of not having live footage of we can work it out! (or is that just me and @idontwanttospoiltheparty’s own personal tragedies?)

use your tags. pretty much the #1 way i follow someone is if they use funny/interesting/thoughtful tags in a post they reblog from me. these kind of tags will always catch my attention; I promise you, people who make original posts on here (gif/text/image etc.) are always checking the tags on their reblogs (or maybe that’s just me idk)

find your niche and make posts! if amassing a big following is really your goal, this your best bet. however this is also the best way to make connections with people, so it’s a win-win either way! i would say the blogs on the beatles fandom are split into three different categories: the content-maker blogs (gifs, still images, art, videos, etc.), the discourse blogs, and the reblog-blogs. there are some sub-categories too (like certain discourse blogs i would categorize as more humour blogs because the content they produce is hilarious) and also lots of overlap (for instance, lots of great giffers also produce great discourse and i am definitely not one of those). if you can choose one of these avenues and stick to it, it’ll help create a sense of consistency with your blog and i think people will feel more inclined to follow. but also don’t put too many barriers around yourself! if you make gifs but also feel like spilling your guts out about the white album in a long discourse post, do it!

enjoy being here. this is the most important one. if being on here starts to feel like work, it will reflect in your posts. so make sure you keep your blog as fun for yourself as possible! as you gain a following you may feel a sense of obligation to make certain posts, or to post a certain amount every day, but you have to remember that this is your blog, and you (probably) started it to bring joy to your life. so try your best to keep it that way, and don’t be afraid to log off for a bit and come back refreshed.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

So I looked through a detransition blog just out of curiosity, since it was one you reblogged, but now I’m super... freaked out? I have a top surgery consultation in April but now I have this weird fear that I’m faking it or that I’ll regret it afterwards. I’ve identified as somewhere along non-binary and trans (he/they!) for over a year, and I’ve known I’m not a girl for even longer, but now I’m just so afraid that maybe I don’t know myself at all. Do you have any advice on what this is?

Lee says:

Discussing your feelings with a therapist can sometimes help you untangle the anxiety from everything else. It’s reasonable to have some apprehension about a major surgery that can have a big impact on your life because it is a big change- and like any other surgery, it also has medical risk and can result in complications. 

And reading about other people’s feelings about their surgeries can be helpful! I do recommend reading things from people who were happy with the outcome and reading things from people who weren't to get a better perspective on the range of experiences that can exist. Only reading the negative or the positive doesn’t provide a balanced view!

But even if you read other people’s stories, and talk to them about why they feel the way they do about their choices and bodies, nobody else can tell you what you should do for yourself. Even a therapist can’t know for sure if you will regret surgery (or anything else that you choose to do) because nobody can see into the future, see into your heart, and see into mind simultaneously to and determine for certain what it is that you need. 

As soon as I came out as non-binary when I was 15, I started saving money for top surgery. I was someone who ran towards top surgery at full tilt and I didn’t give myself any space for doubt about whether it was the right choice for me because I felt it was the only choice I had-- forwards or nothing. I was pretty severely depressed at the time and had a brief hospitalization the month before I turned 18, and I was sort of pinning all my hopes on top surgery reducing my dysphoria and booting out my depression. So I scheduled my consultation as soon as I turned 18 and was legally an adult and could do so without parental permission. I immediately scheduled my surgery for the soonest available date, and had inverted-T incision top surgery about 3 months after I turned 18.

Now I’m 21 years old, and I’m 3 years and 5 months post-op from my top surgery. 

In retrospect, top surgery was 110% the right choice for me. If I could do it all over again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Top surgery really did reduce my dysphoria by a significant amount, and that made it easier for me to cope with my depression and other mental health issues. I was proudly parading around the house shirtless as soon as I was able to stop using post-op compression, before my incisions had even healed into scars.

I don’t have any dysphoria about my chest anymore, especially now that I’ve gotten tattoos to cover my scars. I finally feel like I look like how I always knew I was meant to look.

I don’t post pictures of my chest anymore because I have distinguishing tattoos but I’ve posted a few before/after pictures when I was 3 years post-op and I think things have only gotten better now.

I was lucky to not have any complications; I don’t have any nerve pain, and hypertrophic or keloid scarring, and I didn’t need any revisions. But there are some things that are non-ideal compared to if I had just been born with a typical cis-guy flat chest. My nips are a little wonky in color and shape, and I plan on getting medical tattoos at some point to even the edges out. I also have slightly muted sensation in my chest now, so everything is like slightly number than it was before.

When I was pre-op, I did enjoy having nipple sensation that was pleasurable; even though I had inverted t-incision top surgery which preserved the nipple stalk, I still only have tactile, temperature, and pain sensations in my chest. If you put an ice cube on my nipple and my eyes were closed, I’d know it was cold. If you poked me while I was looking away, I’d still feel it. And if you squeezed me, it would hurt. But somehow it doesn’t feel good anymore like it used to. 

I don’t know how much of that loss in erotic sensation is a mental thing and how much is a physical change caused by scar tissue build up around the nerve. But regardless, it is a real loss. 

For me, that loss is well worth it. While I might have been physically capable of experiencing erotic nipple/chest sensation before, I rarely actually did have that experience because it made me too dysphoric and I didn’t like to take my shirt off during sex. Now I feel more fully present and comfortable in my own body and it makes me more engaged so I can focus on my partner and on the other feelings I’m having and how I look isn’t something that is detracting from the experience. 

In general, top surgery has made my life better in a million ways. I love running shirtless with my college cross country team, I like going swimming at the beach with no shirt, and I like the way I look now when I see myself in a mirror after stepping out of the shower. 

When I get dressed in the morning, my day starts off on a neutral note because it’s just me putting on clothes. Sometimes I pause to think about how I can just put on a shirt and feel good about it and move on. Before, I used to be upset every morning because the first thing I’d be reminded of when I woke up was that my chest was there and I didn’t want it to be. I’m Autistic, and binding was Not comfortable for me sensory-wise, so not having to bind was also nice.

I would choose to get top surgery again, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the right choice for each and every person. I am sure it was the right choice for me, and I have no regrets at all, I never want to have breasts again. But someone else might think that not having erotic nipple sensation is a dealbreaker, or they might not be comfortable with scars if they tend to heal with more visible raised scars that are harder to cover with a tattoo like I did mine.

So I can tell you that top surgery has made my life better and I’m glad I got it and I don’t think that there would have been any way for me to be as happy as I am now if I had not gotten it. Top surgery is life saving and life-changing for some people, and I am one of those people. I might be more inclined to tell people that if you think you need surgery you should get it because my surgery went so well and because I’m still identifying as genderqueer, transmasculine, and non-binary, just like I was when I was 15, so my identity is pretty static there.

Some other post-op people may tell you that they regret their surgery, that they wish they hadn’t done it, and they would make a different decision if they could go back in time. They might want to help warn other people to not make the same mistake that they did.  Detransitioned folks often (but not always) have a different perspective than folks who persisted in being transgender and that’s okay- it isn’t a better perspective or a worse one, just a different one. But both trans and reidentified people can feel this way, even though it’s usually more common for de-trans folks to regret surgical procedures that it is for trans folks.

I semi-rushed into surgery for both emotional and logistical reasons but I knew it was right for me. But that isn’t the best choice for everyone and if you aren’t 100% sure that it is what you want and need then there’s nothing wrong with having the consultation with the surgeon to learn more and then thinking things over before you schedule a surgery date (or don’t), you don’t need to immediately schedule a surgery date after the consult. Think of it as an interview and as an information gathering session.

Neither of us can tell you what you should do because neither of us are “right” or “wrong” about top surgery. It’s just a different experience and a different perspective. We all have biases based on our own way of seeing things, and that can inform our advice.

If you know what the risks are, and you’ve given it careful thought and can provide an informed consent, then whether you should get surgery is your decision. I won’t tell you “go get it!” or “don’t go get it!” and I don’t think that any blogger should be telling anons what medical procedures to get or not get. 

Worrying that you’re faking it, that you don’t know who you are, and worrying about regret is something that can be pretty scary and frustrating, but you don’t need to figure it out on your own, and it’s okay to take a little longer to come to a decision and talk it over with a therapist if you think it’s necessary to help you cope with that anxiety.

But yeah, I believe that ultimately you have to trust your gut feelings on what you know to be right for you.

Top surgery 101 links

Finding a therapist

Side note: While we do our best to avoid reblogs from obvious TERFs/truscum/transphobes/racists/sexists/ableists/etc to avoid exposing people to triggering content by boosting the blog’s visibility, and we do appreciate getting heads up asks about reblogs from a problematic OP, if we reblog a post from someone we do not necessarily endorse all of the content in every post they’ve made, and we don’t necessarily agree with all of the blogger’s opinions either. We reblog a specific post if we think seeing that post might be helpful for some of our followers.

[maxellminidisc]

I literally cannot get the Mitski shit out of my head. Like to me this is the most unprecedented example of how an audience can cannibalize an artist and their work, turn them into a comidity for their own sense of pure consumption without that ever being the artists intent or wish. Like Mitski is so SO incredibly strong to have already felt the burn out of what her career has rocketed to as a result and still choose to continue to do so out of pure love for her craft.

I would frankly be much angrier and not nearly as kind to people if they were running around completely bastardizing my work for tiktoks and reducing my songs to the most shallow level sort of engagement. Like Mitski herself has said she's tired of the reductive "sadgirl" shit and how it makes her feel. What she wants is what almost any artist who just loves what they do wants (and she's said as much earlier in her career): to use this thing she loves to do to connect and engage with people in complex ways that one can't normally convey outside the voice music gives them. Like you'd think that basic tenant of creativity would be something easily respected, but it's like these people completely don't even consider that.

And that's an attitude I see so much among this kind of new gen of social media based artists and their audiences who have only ever known engagement (engagement meaning interaction with profiles and artists as brands vs engagement meaning genuine time taken to be interested and analyze a work) through social media. It's become more about "How can I boost these streams/views/etc for me as a brand to keep me going?" Or "What kind of time killer content can I get from this person?" More so than "How can I use this tool to get people to engage with my work and connect?" Or "What is this persons work telling me, what do I feel connect with me?" Like there is a legitimate difference.

Like dont get me wrong, Mitski and other people of her generation of musicians (I myself was working in this scene during the same time, I've since "retired") used the internet as a promo tool, but it wasn't like the literal foundation of how we were trying to get ourselves out there or get people to listen to us. We just acknowledge that it made getting information out to audiences like tour dates/locals, release dates, and more, easier. What was and still is the most important thing is live shows. Live shows have always been the lifeblood of musicians, that is where you hone in on your skills, where you PHYSICALLY and personally engage with your audience. An audience online will never ever feel the same to one in person. Those numbers behind the views, streams, tweets, have faces; we cant be comfortable with only engaging with people behind a screen because there is a certain humanity that will never feel complete that way.

So when you as an audience AND as an artist come into a live space to engage with each other, there is a certain respect that should be given and it tends to be unspoken. So when an artist isn't engaging the way they want with an audience it feels incredibly DEVESTATING and the first thing you do is blame yourself. You ask yourself what the fuck you did wrong for an audience to be dead, angry, heckle you, or in Mitski's case, disrespect you. In Mitski's case it's not her fault but I don't doubt for a second that at least once she's blamed herself and that angers the shit out of me to think about. Because she is such a genuine artist who curates her shows so beautifully, she doesnt just play good music, she curates a performance for her audience. So to think that maybe even just once she felt she did something wrong enough to justify dipshits who can't engage nor enjoy her work without their phones in their hands, without yelling stupid immature shit at her, and without looking at her as just shallow sadgirl ENRAGES me.

[heartlesslywhumping]

alright, i’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask about this, but i want to know if you have advice.

i’m a minor who’s an active member of the whump community, and i enjoy reading noncon. i don’t actually like or reblog any of the nsfw posts i consume because i’m very much aware of the repercussions that could bring. i don’t produce or write nsfw myself at all. but even when those kinds of writing pieces tell minors to keep out, a lot of the time, i still read them. i’m really not sure what to do. is it wrong of me to consume that kind of whump? should i stop? apologies if you’re uncomfortable with this, feel free to abstain from answering!

Hi! It’s totally fine to ask me these kinds of questions! Info under the cut for those who don’t want to read about this stuff.

Now all of this  is my personal opinion and I welcome people to disagree with me and/or offer their own opinions. These are simply mine.

I don’t think it’s wrong for you to read noncon stuff so long as you know where the lines are.

It’s important that you are able to separate fiction from reality, know that what’s happening in the story is not at all permissible in real life, and be aware of your own comfort level/potential triggers. If you’re aware of all those things, then I don’t think there’s a problem.

(Also, I’m not going to pretend that teenagers - who are minors - aren’t having sex. If you are, it’s important to know that noncon content isn’t something that’s okay for your partner to do but you CAN and SHOULD have open discussions with your partner if you encounter certain things you’d like to explore. This isn’t that kind of blog so I’m just going to say: be honest and open with your partner, set up boundaries and stick to them religiously, and safe words are good things.)

I got into noncon stuff when I was underage too. I know a lot of people read smut before they’re 18 and in a way, both smut and noncon are similar when it comes to access on the internet.

Now I’m going to explain a common reason writers ask minors not to read or interact with their work. My hope is that a better understanding of that will help you to understand where you fit in.

Much like the real world, these kinds of things come down to consent.  

Warnings and tags are ways to state what’s happening in a piece of media (art, writing, etc) and allow the consumer to make informed choices. If you see those tags/warnings and choose to proceed anyways then you are consenting to consume that piece of media. In this case, you are consenting to read those kinds of stories. It’s why many writers online are irked by people asking them not to write about certain topics. When you choose to follow them, you are consenting to be exposed to certain things.  

Now this is where things get tricky because minors can’t give consent. But this is a piece of writing, not something in real life or something physical. So in this situation “consent” is more of the dictionary use and less of the modern use. It’s giving permission. Essentially a reader is telling the website “Yes. I give you permission to show me this.” Now, in this context, permission comes down to understanding.

Writers can’t control what level of education a reader has or what their comfort level is, we can only do our best with tags and warnings. Most writers warn minors away so that those with less education/understanding of certain topics stay away.

If you’re say, 16, then you’re a minor but you also have a level of education/understanding regarding mature topics. That’s very different from someone who’s say, 10, encountering those topics. ESPECIALLY regarding noncon.

Now I don’t know how old you are (and you shouldn’t disclose that information online nor am I asking you to) but I’m assuming you have a level of education/understanding where you’re not going to be confused or traumatized by consuming that kind of writing.

No one can truly police the internet so it’s up to you (and anyone on the internet) to take care of themselves.

For you personally, I think that if you know what you’re getting into, then it’s fine to read that stuff. Just be aware of your comfort level. It’s 100% okay to close out a story or step away. That’s WHY there are trigger warnings and tags.

What I’ve found is that most writers that warn minors away are just trying to keep children safe. There are a lot of little kids on the internet. I knew people who were on Instagram and Pinterest when they were 10 years old and had simply lied about their age. Now Instagram/Pinterest are a little different than say, Tumblr/DevianArt. You’re far more likely to run into mature content on tumblr, devianart, fanfiction sites, etc. Still, there are younger kids accessing sites more likely to host mature content. So creators stick up a bunch of flashing red signs telling minors to stay away because YOU WILL NOT LIKE WHAT YOU SEE. THIS IS NOT FOR YOU. No one wants a ten year old accessing their mature content.

For writers that tag “minors don’t interact”, it’s much the same. Everyone is trying their best not to traumatize ten year olds. For group chats/discords that ask minors not to interact, it’s often because adults are uncomfortable discussing mature content with minors. Even if that minor is 16/17 and well aware of mature content. It also can be dangerous to discuss these things with minors as you don’t know their age online (and again, no minor should disclose their age online) and no adult should be discussing these kinds of things with kids unless they’re a parent, teacher, counselor, etc.

My advice to you (and anyone in the whump community) is to mind the tags. Block tags you don’t want to see and consider everything to be exactly what it says it is. For example, I don’t like eye horror. If something is tagged with eye horror, I don’t read any further than that. Could it be something I could handle or skip over? Potentially. But I don’t want to take that risk.

Do you know the tag on Ao3 “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat?”. If not, it boils down to “this is exactly what it says on the label. I’m not kidding. Mind these tags. I’m not playing around here. What you see is what you get”. Treat everything as though it’s Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.

If you don’t know what something is, Google is your friend.

In all, no one can stop you from reading their work and usually, they’re just trying to protect you. You’ve already accessed this stuff so you have at least a base level awareness of what you’re getting into. Help writers protect you by knowing your own boundaries and minding the tags.

Be aware, be responsible, and don’t try to engage in mature discussions online until you’re 18.

As long as you’re comfortable, you’re fine reading this stuff.

I hope that helped! Feel free to reach out again if you have more questions/concerns!