#i suppose i will have to suffer through it for completion's sake

[mzannthropy]

Reading The Rose and The Yew Tree by Mary Westmacott, aka Agatha Christie, and it's so good to be reading a book by her for the first time, not an experience I get to have now as I've read almost all her books.

Also I can totally tell it's her, just not a mystery novel. As I aways say, she was a good writer, she just happened to excel at mysteries.

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

slowly, i'm going down

access full masterlist here!

pairing: song mingi x reader (no pronouns mentioned, reader has female anatomy)

au/genre: college!au, tutor!reader, mingi does not give a shit about studying, smut

word count: 4816 words

warnings: voice kink (AHHHHH), oral and fingering (reader receiving), reader is a little mean, kitchen sex, anime references, cringe, a joke about adhd, dirty talk... um..., oh right Mingi has a big dick (wbk), everyone's a little silly, unprotected sex (boo ‼️👎🏻), premature ejaculation almost, creampie, cum eating... (not reader...), i think that's it. NOT PROOF READ YET!!

synopsis: mingi hates studying, but what he hates way more than that is being perceived as stupid. what mingi loves on the other hand, are pretty people getting flustered about his voice

or

mingi shows you exactly what he hates and loves.

a/n: i was almost ready when i saw this tiktok and it completely blocked my mind because it's SO FUNNY, but at the same time, it's men being dudes, dudes being bros, and that kind of made it hard for me to continue. i apologize for the 24h delay 😞

taglist: @byuntrash101 @goquokka @ashwoodforest @choisansnotsolegalwife

Mingi is not one to sit there and look at books. Or papers. Or anything that doesn't move and feed his brain with bright colors and his ears with noises, really. He prefers to vibe, and studying is definitely not the vibe. Sadly, studying is a part of his life as a university student. Yes, he chose this path for himself and yes, he was aware that it would involve studying. Still, now that it's really happening and is not just an obstacle to overcome in the far, far future, Mingi kind of wishes he'd chosen something else to do with his life. It's just exhausting, why would he waste the precious time he has left on planet earth on something that doesn't get the serotonin floating? He's pretty sure he has some undiagnosed ADHD simmering up there, but who is he to judge that? He's certainly not studying to become a doctor or whatever.

Anyway, given the fact that Mingi doesn't like to study, he's not had much experience with it in the first place. He's barely gotten his way through school, but uni is a different level. Hence, he needs someone to 1) teach him how to study and 2) make him study, or rather: have a judging eye on him while he is supposed to study, so the fear of being called out on it may light a fire under his ass and force him to bury his nose between the stinky pages of an old library book (on that note: he also needed someone to show him how to check out books from the library).

And that's why you are here, every Thursday afternoon, sitting at the sad excuse of a kitchen counter slash dining table in Mingi's scandalously expensive apartment given its size, growling next to him every time you catch him analyzing the bumps on his wallpapers instead of the letters on the pages.

Mingi generally likes you, even though you are a bit scary, he has to admit, or maybe that's the appeal. You are polite, but you have a way of looking at him that makes him feel like he's getting mansplained by your eyes. Your taunting gaze on him makes him feel small, and he doesn't like that at all. It makes him feel like all these years of drinking milk to make him stand at the 1.84m he is at today were in vain. You always have that one expression on your face, and maybe that's just Mingi's subconsciousness telling him to STUDY HARD FOR GOD'S SAKE, but in the way your eyebrows would scrunch together just the tiniest bit, he reads: God, he is fucking stupid.

He doesn't know which (since he did not pay attention in biology class, nor is he even sure they teach that in biology class) chemical in his brain suffers an allergic reaction every time you look at him like that, but there has to be one. There is nothing that Mingi hates more than being called stupid. Well, except for studying, maybe.

Call him lazy, call him a scalawag, call him witty for being able to get through all of school without reading a single one of the set books if you must, but do not call him stupid.

The only problem is that you haven't, well, called him stupid per se. It's just how Mingi interprets your stares. Also, he desperately needs you because he doubts there will be many other contestants that are okay with getting paid as little as you are (which is all Mingi has left by the end of a month full of Pokémon trading cards). So Mingi just has to sit back and relax and simply take it because, apparently, that's what he gets for not studying his entire life.

A loud ringing wakes Mingi from his peaceful afternoon nap - one that he has really earned this time around, he managed to look through his study notes for a full 20 minutes during his lunch break!

Disoriented, Mingi raises his head to make out his location and what year he is in. It rings again. Slowly, Mingi recognizes the shrill sound as his door bell. He slowly gets up, a quick glance in the mirror tells him that his hair is an absolute mess (which is really a crowning achievement given his buzz cut length) and he has imprint marks from his blanket all over his right cheek, but his sleepy mind doesn't even take it in. Mingi furrows his brows and shakes his head. Who would dare to disturb his peaceful slumber at this ungodly hour (4pm)?

The answer, of course, stands right in front of his door. With your arms crossed and the tip of your shoe drumming a dent into Mingi's "come in if you're a silly baka"-door mat, you raise an unimpressed brow at the sleepy shell of Mingi that blinks one eye after the other.

A few seconds pass until Mingi finally realizes who you are, and his mouth forms an 'o'-shape. Immediately after, he furrows his brows once again, his body slumping forward a bit because: why on God's green earth are you here? Then, it hits him like a truck, the aftermath of the collision blowing the remaining sleep out of his eyes: it's Thursday afternoon!

"Sorry," he says and sheepishly scratches the back of his head, then steps aside to let you enter.

"It's fine, it's only freezing cold outside," you stare at him before stepping in, shudder as you kick your shoes off, slip into Mingi's guest slippers and hurry inside. Mingi's brain does not register the sarcasm drenching your words.

"Let's get to it, shall we?" You ask as Mingi finally manages to follow you into the kitchen. You sit, take out a few sheets of paper from your backpack, then look over questioningly as Mingi has not even moved a millimeter, but instead started yawning like his life depends on it. Your eyes drift down his body. "Or maybe after you've put on some pants?"

Mingi freezes, looks down to confirm that, indeed, he's not wearing pants, but Naruto boxer shorts, then covers his crotch with his hands and buzzes off into his room.

Minutes later, Mingi reenters the kitchen, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips that, yes, he checked twice if he's wearing them the right way around. As mentioned, he is generally unable to properly focus on his studies, but today, it's exceptionally bad. Of course, you'd notice.

"Mingi, are you okay?" There's worry in your eyes – a sight Mingi has not seen. Ever.

"I'm fine, just tired," he mumbles, eyes unfocusing as he stares ahead.

"Yeah, you are? Why?" Mingi's tired mind cannot question why you suddenly seem so interested in his well-being. He also doesn't put any meaning into why you're scooting closer to him, your forearm accidentally touching his.

"I studied during my lunch break," Mingi informs you, a little, proud smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Something tingles inside his chest as you carefully place your hand on his arm. As he looks over at you, you smile at him, and he notices your gaze flickering down to his lips for a second.

Hold on. Mingi's mind suddenly snaps out of its hazy state and works on overdrive. He might be the type to vibe, the type to just let things play out, but he'd be damned if he didn't notice when someone likes him like that. He suddenly notices the way you started creating skin-on-skin contact with him, the way you want to be closer to him, eyeing him even more than you ever did before. Just... why? Is it because you saw him in his Anime panties?

A few moments pass, and you sit back, then pat your pencil against the book to remind him of the reason why you're actually here. Mingi groans, admittedly a little dramatically and unreasonably erotic, brushing a hand through his hair to flex his biceps right in front of your face. You seem unimpressed.

"Well, fuck me," he chuckles deeply, the rasp in his voice more evident than usual due to his nap. It's then when you tense, he notices from the corner of his eye. Oh. Okay. So it's the voice?

"I'm really glad you're tutoring me, you know?" He purrs, throwing in a little praise to get you extra bothered, and you simply breathe out nervously.

"Heh, no worries," you brush him off. Mingi decides that, for now, he's made you suffer enough and keeps quiet. Instead, he focusses on his studies, although he's already planning his next step to terrorize you with the sultry rasp his vocal cords are gifted with.

"Mingi, focus-"

"No, I get what I have to do, the contents just won't stay in my head." Mingi reasons, his voice unusually, but not by chance, high pitched, eyebrows scrunched as to why the hell he has to do this before doing that only to do whatever next when it wasn't like this for the other exercise he had to do minutes prior. He is not stupid (!), he does understand how this works. It's just that it doesn't make sense, and that is surely not his fault.

"Are you stup-" you start, but shut your mouth before you're even able to call him the dumbest fucker you've ever crossed paths with. Mingi inhales sharply. Oh, oh, you're lucky he is patient, and you're lucky he knows that as soon as he growled a few dirty words into your ear, you'd slam your upper body on the counter without regards of caution, pushing your panties down under your skirt and begging him to take you right there - or at least, that's what he imagines.

Yes, Mingi is super patient, that's just what comes with the entire vibe-personality package, so he does not dump your cute sorry ass on his baka-door mat, but simply closes his pen, lays it on the table and looks at you. A fabulous idea plops into his mind.

"God," he groans as deeply as he can, stretching his arms over his head, "I guess I'm just a little" - he throws in a little moany sigh - "a little distracted today."

"A-are you?" You nod, biting your lip subconsciously. Mingi looks at you without moving his head. "Why?"

"Well, just stuff, you know?" Mingi enjoys how the rumble in his voice makes his throat and - obviously - you feel. "There's just a lot, going on. Like big... big stuff. Stuff that just keeps coming and coming, in and out, just like that. Ugh, I wish I could just let all this frustration out you know, all this pent up stuff." He watches for your reaction.

Unmistakably, your hand holding your own pen in a relaxed manner mere seconds ago now desperately grasps the poor objects until your knuckles turn white, your breathing is uneven and loud as if you'd just ran the entire way from Mingi's place to the next convenience store (seriously, why the fuck is he paying so much for this godforsaken apartment?). And - Mingi's favorite reaction to him ever: you're pressing your thighs together.

Oh, how Mingi loves himself a good reaction like this.

"Big stuff, huh?" Your voice trembles as your nervous eyes search for his. "H-how big?"

"Oh, really big. Just really fucking big," Mingi confirms with a slight smirk. He loves how you just fold easily like that. One second, you're over there feeling superior on your little throne of knowledge that Mingi lacks, and the next, you're making a little mess in your panties just because Mingi so much as spoke. Absolutely incredible. People should start calling him "the rizzler".

"I think-" you clear your throat, "I think I should head home then?"

Mingi smiles to himself as soon as you turn away to pack your stuff into your backpack. His hands automatically reach out to play with his pen, his long, slender fingers toying with the object, inevitably drawing your attention to the movements. "Already?"

"Mhm." You stare a second too long, gulp, then hastily stuff your belongings into the big compartment of the backpack, Mingi listens to the sweet melody of stressed breathing and papers crunching.

As amused as he is, he decides that it is time for the big reveal.

"Keep it in your pants, baby" he looks over, his eyebrow halfway raised, and stops rocking back and forth and fiddling with the pencil as you freeze in your tracks and stop packing. "What?"

Slowly, you turn your head to look at him. "So you know?" You manage to squeak.

Mingi smugly pushes his tongue into his cheek. He loves how you're basically vibrating out of nervousness. "Oh, I know."

You sigh, hands finally letting go of your stuff and motioning defeat. He wonders what's going on in your mind right now. Are you afraid he's going to call you out? That he's going to make fun of you? That he's going to call you a needy slut and send you home? Or are you wondering if he's going to give you what you want? Mingi loves this game.

That's why he decides to make your situation a little more miserable.

"I also know that you think I'm stupid," he explains calmly, trying his best to no longer show any excitement, smugness, or any emotion whatsoever on his sharp facial features to really confuse you. Well, that's what you're getting for (almost) calling The Song Mingi stupid. Just a little payback, is all. He's not going to go so far and make you cry. No, no, Mingi can't handle when people cry, much less so if it's because of him.

Nevertheless, your breath hitches. Oh, you're fully aware that he didn't like you calling him that at all. Oh, how the gears are turning behind your forehead as you're trying to figure out what's going on, and what's going to go on in the next minutes.

"Thought so," Mingi deadpans. Yeah, that's right. Look how smart he is now! Super smart! He's got you all figured out. He knows exactly what to say and how to act to make you feel - and, fuck, does this feel like redemption - stupid.

"I'm sorry-" you start, back facing Mingi's form, but Mingi is not here for it. Mingi has gotten what Mingi wants. Mingi feels as powerful as he imagines a lion to feel, like, every day.

"Dumb fucks good," he simply states, just putting it out there, throwing it into the room for you to do with that statement whatever you like. Mingi's mind is already satisfied, his ego stroked because he's just proven that he isn't dumb. Although... he wouldn't mind a little diddling because, if he's being honest, you're hot as fuck and seeing you react to him in this way- well, he's also just a man!

"What?" You probably think you must've terribly misheard him as you whip your head around to face the confident Mingi smugly leaned back in his chair. Your eyes meet his, and he is sure that you now realize that, no, you definitely did not mishear him. That was exactly what he said.

In the blink of an eye, Mingi feels your presence on his lap, a last final look into his eyes before he feels your lips against his, desperately chewing away the remaining air separating his spit from yours. It's messy, lips colliding, too much teeth and tongue, but it's all raw and desperate. Mingi gets the vibes that you may have had some pent up want for him, but that's honestly the last clear thought he can muster before you grind your hips against his.

A deep groan escapes Mingi's lips, inevitably echoing against your own quiet gasps that just turn louder with every movement of your hips, your hands frantically trying to touch him everywhere at once to the point where he has to grab your arms and pull you back. Your eyes, wide. And confused, but somehow lidded and hazy at the same time struggle to take in Mingi in front of you. Yes, Mingi is aware of the effect of his siren eyes.

For another moment, he simply enjoys seeing how destroyed you look already, but honestly, there is just one thing on his mind.

"I'm gonna eat you out," he informs, waiting for you to nod frantically, whine and scramble off his lap for him to keep his promise. And you do, allowing Mingi to grab your waist with his large hands and lift you onto the counter. Of course, he can't resist getting another taste of your lips, almost losing himself in the soft pillows that frame your pretty mouth, but the hardness creating a tent in his sweatpants reminds him that he should possible attend a little lower.

Hence, he kisses his way over your cheek towards your jaw, then over your neck and down your collarbones. Mingi is not sure what your opinions on love bites are, so he just hopes you can remember him being right here and here and here even without visual proof, he can save that for next time.

Okay, Mingi admittedly was not able to hold himself back completely, his teeth only gently nipping at your skin on his way down. He simply hopes for the best, but your sounds seem to imply that you do not mind him one bit. Instead, you sound as if you wouldn't mind him taking a few bites more.

Impatient as you are, you assist Mingi in pushing your shirt out of the way, the straps of your bra automatically falling down your shoulders to reveal more of you to his hungry eyes.

And as much as Mingi would like to spend hours playing with your chest, he keeps it down to a minimum, kissing the soft flesh while gently pushing the remaining material out of the way for better access. His lips wrap around a nipple, his hands meanwhile busy with massaging the other and carefully holding your waist. God, Mingi loves boobs. But he might love the way your fingers comb through his hair and gently pull on it a bit more even.

Finally, the time has come, and Mingi kneels down on the floor. Pushing your skirt up, hands caressing your thighs, he creates eye contact with your eyes glazed over by lust and want. It doesn't even faze him that he hasn't cleaned these floors in weeks, honestly, he is in so deep he probably wouldn't even realize if the stove was on, lighting his study notes on fire.

He wants to tease you more, make you wait, maybe make you beg even, but he just feels too hungry to keep waiting. His fingers hook into the hem of your panties, pulling them down your legs as quickly as possible before spreading your legs and groaning in anticipation.

Throwing your thighs over his shoulders, he pulls you forward a little further, chuckling as you almost lose balance and smile at him. Okay, maybe Mingi feels a little tingle, and maybe that is not a horny tingle, but that's something to worry about later, if ever. Right now, he has a mission: dive in.

So that's what he does, obviously, planting a careful kiss right on your clit to wait for your reaction. And you do not disappoint, gasping slightly at the first sensation before getting louder and bolder the more Mingi tastes you.

His tongue gently parts your folds, getting a first taste of your juices. You basically cry out as his tongue prods at your hole, carefully easing its way inside to caress your walls.

Automatically, your hands fly to his hair, gently pulling at the roots to find a way to ground yourself, the feeling assumingely overwhelming, Mingi thinks, not to brag, but-

Mingi's eyes roll back at a particularly hard tug at his hair, paired with the way your hips grind closer until you're basically riding his face. Fuck, how are you so hot? Mingi's fingers grab hard at your thighs, loving the way the soft flesh feels in his hands.

To experiment a little more and, first and foremost, to get more rewarding reactions out of you, Mingi lets his mouth wander back up to your clit, gently sucking the nub between his lips, his tongue carefully flicking as not to overwhelm you. At the same time, a fingers sneaks its way over to circle your entrance.

Your throat coughs out a broken moan at this, your eyes switching between looking at Mingi's eyes and his mouth, and closing completely. Mingi loves taking in the pleasure written all over your face. He might not admit it, but he loves this kind of praise much more than verbal praise because your body really can't lie. He can literally taste how good he is at this.

He finally pushes his finger inside, loving how the wetness and muscle contractions are basically pulling him deeper and deeper until past his second knuckle. He feels around a little, trying to find the spots that seem to appeal to you the most, watching carefully how you react to each and every flick of his wrist.

Although, he feels that one finger is not enough to prepare you for the rest of him, so he adds another, massaging them into the spot that seems to be making you see stars with the way you grip his hair even tighter and mutter something he interprets as a warning that you're about to cum.

Keeping his pace, he successfully sends you over the edge, letting you ride out your high on his tongue before removing his lips, only getting his fingers massage the last clenches out of you.

Looking up he realizes you look, respectfully, wrecked, with your chest heaving, your hair a little messy and your eyes hazy and glossy, parted lips asking for his. And who is he to deny them, as he leans in to allow you to taste yourself. You seem to like it.

Pulling back after a while, he looks at you. You look so happy and relaxed like he's never seen before. For some reason, it reminds him of the weight in his pants that he suddenly feels the need to inform you about.

"You make me so hard," Mingi says lowly, carefully taking your hand to prove it to you, "feel." It's more your hand guiding his with how fast you reach down to feel him, eager to touch the outline of him through the sweatpants. And as if you're getting paid to stroke Mingi's ego even more, you gasp at his size.

Mingi can't help but smirk, of course, who wouldn't?

"Big stuff, huh?" You repeat your words from earlier, but this time no longer nervous, but cheeky as you bite your lip playfully. Oh, how Mingi would love to make you choke on his dick right now, just a little, and in a loving matter, but he's honestly waited long enough and he really just needs to be in you right now. And besides, Mingi is more in his giving > receiving era.

Instead, he grins. And he feels like there is something more.

Impatiently, you tug at his pants, successfully moving them a millimeter. Mingi helps you push his pants further down until it pools around his ankles. You giggle.

Damnit, Mingi. Why couldn't you've changed your underwear? Mingi mentally scolds himself, a good amount of his previously earned smugness flying out the window. Instead, he gives you kind of a sheepish look.

"I don't mind," you assure, tugging at his anime boxers next, "it's actually relieving to be reminded that you're still the cute, dorky Mingi and are not possessed by a sex demon."

"Incubus," Mingi points out.

"I don't fucking care. Just get this hideous thing off and have sex with me!"

Mingi does not need to be told twice, although he makes a mental note to scold you later for calling the one and only Naruto printed on a piece of fabric shielding his balls from the outside world hideous.

"God, fuck," you let out, and Mingi chuckles at your reaction to his naked lower half, "come here. Please."

You pull him closer, wrap your legs around him and beg him with your eyes. Mingi wastes not another second, aligning himself with your hole and slowly pushing forwards. Your eyes roll back as he enters you, causing you to hold onto him for dear life as he inches inside, filling you completely.

God, must your walls hug him so perfectly? Must you be so unbelievably wet just for him? Must you make these sounds? Mingi feels like he doesn't want to be inside anyone else ever again.

"I feel like I don't want to inside anything else ever again."

How did that get out there?

You chuckle, and have the nerve to pinch his cheek, as if he wasn't balls deep buried inside you right now. "You're so cute."

Cute?!

Mingi will show you cute. He grabs your jaw, admittedly still gently, and makes you look at him as he pulls almost all the way out until his tip catches at your entrance. "Cute?" And he pushes in all the way all at once. You moan, the feeling too much, too intense for you to still keep your eyes open. Helplessly, you cling to Mingi's body as he repeats the action 4 more times before setting a steady rhythm, angling his hips in a way that should stimulate the spot you liked so much earlier.

With your mouth hanging open and your eyebrows scrunched, you look like the prettiest thing Mingi's ever seen. He wants to see you drool, watch you completely lose your mind over nothing else but his cock. At the same time, he is surprised how good it feels. Well, not surprised that it feels good, but that it feels abnormally good, like he's about to nut in the next minute or so. Hopefully, he's able to coax another high out of you before that.

"What was it that riled you up so much earlier? My voice?" He growls, and you as much as whimper in return. "Yeah, like it that my voice is so deep?" You nod pathetically. "Cute."

"Mingi- 's so good."

"Yeah, am I fucking you good?" Mingi grins and you nod weakly, struggling to keep your eyes open. Mingi really shouldn't be the one talking big because honestly, he feels like if u moan one more time, if ur walls clench around him one more time, he is going to lose it. Something about this entire situation is just super surreal to him, or maybe it's simply you that is the reason for his premature high that is coming for him with fast steps.

"Fuck, baby," he groans, kissing your cheek before whispering, "can I please cum inside?"

"Shit, y-yes," you confirm, nodding quickly as you fight your hardest battle to keep your eyes open, focused and on the man that's currently grinding his tip into your sweet spot. Mingi feels like he loves you.

Mingi also feels like he's loosing his grip on reality, which is why he grabs your hips harder than before, using his strength to really slam his hips into yours with force, drowning his thoughts with the sounds of your moans. There is nothing on his mind except for you, you, you, and the primal need to make you his.

"Please," he groans, not quite sure what he's begging for, but it doesn't really matter in the end, does it? All that matters is that Mingi's ears catch the way you're begging him to cum for you, to fill you up, to please, please finish inside. He is not going to deny you that wish.

His hips stutter, his mind goes numb as he feels his muscles tighten and contract, releasing deep inside you. The feeling spreads in his body, feeling high and happy with such a forceful orgasm like this one.

Everything after is just a blur in his mind, he just remembers realizing that you didn't cum a second time, and he wouldn't be Mingi if he kept it that way. That's why he found himself back on his knees seconds after pulling out, sucking your clit back into his mouth, tasting his own release that's threatening to drip out if it wasn't for his fast fingers pumping in and out of you to push you over the edge.

It doesn't take long until you do, orgasm fueled by the lewd action of Mingi eating his own cum out of you, he assumes. Somehow, you two end up in his bed after, mostly because Mingi is a cuddler, partly because Mingi is not able to let you go yet. Or ever. Who knows.

© 2023 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

[c-is-for-circinate]

It feels like there's this narrative that fandom keeps wanting to explore, with Steve Harrington, about this very specific type of martyrdom where self-sacrifice is an expression of a lack of self-worth. And, like, yes, write the narrative that's meaningful to you, and yes ok Steve does admittedly get beaten up a lot, but -- legitimately I do not think this narrative is actually Steve's story.

Like, without gendering things too much, there is something in the Steve fanon that I keep seeing that's so reflective of the specific kind of sacrifice and societal pressures exerted on girls, specifically -- this story of 'you make yourself worthy and worthwhile by carving pieces out of yourself', of believing that you must always give and never receive to justify the space you take up in the world. Yes, boys can experience this same pressure (and obviously trans and nb people of all genders run into it as well! sometimes a lot!), but especially in the mid-1980s cultural context where Stranger Things takes place, it's just...really not likely to be a dominant narrative for Steve to be operating under? It doesn't even really match the Steve we see on screen -- who is happy to make sacrifices for the sake of others, yeah, when needed, but who's not particularly kind or giving unless somebody asks first.

And Steve does get hurt a lot on other people's behalf! And this is a problem! It's just a completely different problem than the one fandom keeps writing.

Steve, and I'm going to say this forever, is a story about toxic masculinity, which the show may or may not even know it's writing. The archetypes influencing Steve's character as it shows up on the screen (and the stories and messages that Steve would actually be surrounded by in his actual life) are not deconstructions of suffering heroes who never should have had to fight in the first place and were destroyed by it. That's the Buffy the Vampire Slayer story. Steve's not Buffy. Steve's cultural context is Indiana Jones.

Steve is The Guy! And part of being The Guy is that you're expected to take the hits -- not because Steve is less important than the women-and-children he's supposed to protect, but because, the story says, he will get less hurt. Why should Steve get in between Billy and Lucas? Because Steve is an eighteen-year-old athlete and Lucas is in middle school, and of the two of them, Steve actually stands a chance. (And yes, Steve got badly hurt there, and Max had to save him -- but if Lucas, if Max had taken that beating they would not have been running through those tunnels later.) Was somebody else better-qualified to dive down to the uncertain bottom of a cold lake in the middle of the night? Steve doesn't list his credentials there as a way of justifying some ideal of martyrdom; he is literally the most likely person on the boat not to drown.

And make no mistake: when Steve's pulled into the Upside-Down, he survives the bats long enough for backup to get there. Realistic or not, he's apparently tough enough that he's physically capable of hiking barefoot through hell without much slowing down. Steve is the tank for the same reason as any tank: because he literally has been shown to have the most hit points in the group. You cannot honestly engage with Steve in this context without dealing with the fact that he's right.

AND THIS IS A PROBLEM! This is still a problem! But it's not the same problem that fandom seems to expect. It's not an expression of caretaking or the need for self-sacrifice; it's not an issue with Steve valuing himself less. It's an issue of toxic masculinity so ingrained that Steve doesn't even recognize he's suffering from it, because one of the tenets of toxic masculinity is that Big Strong Guys don't suffer. It's just a concussion, it's fine, he'll walk it off. It's not that Steve thinks he deserves to get hurt, or even that he's less deserving of safety than the others. It's that absolutely nothing in his cultural context allows him to admit that he can be hurt in a significant way.

There's still so much tension that can be gotten out of this situation, I swear. There's so much that can be explored in writing! Hell, the show itself is deconstructing some of this trope, believe it or not, by giving us a Steve who absolutely can take all the hits thrown his direction but still doesn't know what the fuck he's doing with his life. It turns out that doing his job as The Guy is only mildly helpful in horror movie situations (mostly by buying time for smarter, squishier people to do the damage from behind him), and somewhere a little worse than useless in everyday life.

But Steve does not go out of his way to self-sacrifice, he really doesn't. He just does his job. He's The Guy. Of course he's not going to let a kid or a girl or some scared skinny nerd who just learned about monsters yesterday take the hits. Of course Steve's got this.

[schwarzkatje]

dark!orphan!ellie x nun!reader || part 3

disclaimer: alright, i'm just gonna say that this is filth in its original form aka contains SMUT that is immoral; offensive to religion if you believe and/or practice the religion implied here; it deals with power dynamics between an educational figure and a supposed pupil even though it has no age gap warning since they are basically the same age; it has violence in the form of slapping; it shows both ellie AND reader being dark characters with questionable morals. so if ANY of this triggers you, i prefer you skip for my but mostly your sake. also, not proofread srry

> for part 1 click here || for part 2 click here

"admit it, you act like a brat all the fucking time because you love it when you get punished," never in a million years would you have thought these words would have exited your mouth. nor would you have entertained the idea of breaking your vows because of something so futile like losing your temper.

except what was happening was proof of how delusional your beliefs and how fragile the rope you were walking on had both been. more specifically what was happening underneath you.

you were straddling ellie, the heels of her feet planted on the mattress and her thighs spread to accommodate your hand as it furiously flicked her pulsating clit and the outer zones of her pussy, drenched in white slick.

the other hand was feigning in her task to handcuff ellie's wrists, as it bore no real force nor did it occur to you that she could break free whenever she decided. you simply ignored it, too drunk off of nothing but a ravaging and ravenous hallucination of retribution. ellie had brought an earthquake inside you, causing casualties in the process, namely what you stood for, the light in your eyes and the faith towards god. in a regained moment of lucidity you could have recognised you were turning into the reflection of ellie's sufferings.

and god, wasn't she willing to dance this macabre tango with you and accept the pleasure that was making her delirious. her hips thrusted up, closer to your fingers, imagining they were your pussy humping her own, riding her in this exact same position that naive you had thought to be a cage for ellie.

"don't lie, you're too – fuck yeah – you're way too good at this. do you fuck the other sisters, when you are done tormenting me, mh?" the contorted expression was the perfect mask to hide the trail of jealousy implied in such an insisting enquiry and to distract from the fact that her eyes would have rolled back to her skull hadn't she been more lucid. "do you suck the pastor's cock when he comes to visit, too?"

"you wish. you wish i had so your fantasies about me get more realistic, don't you?" both your middle and ring finger were exploring the outer region of ellie's intoxicatingly warm hole, with such a slow pace that ellie feared you would stop at any time.

only one hour prior to this enactment of pure debauchery you were busing your mind with paperwork, locked in your room, locked away from ellie. you hadn't planned this.

the exact way you hadn't planned to abandon your dummy remnants of resolution as you let ellie enter your quarters. the exact way you hadn't planned to fight for the umpteenth time knowing it would have resulted in ulterior mortification for you. the exact way you hadn't planned to slap her. for the second time. completely throwing away the memory of ellie promising to make you pay for this the first time you had done it. except, ellie too had seemed to have forgotten all about this threat.

"do it again," ellie had been prompting you, daring you to do it, if not for the fact that she had trapped your wrist, actually impeding the fulfilment of what was acquiring the shape of a wish trough and through. her superior strength had proven a perfect feature to yank your entire body closer to her.

your other hand was holding the bible and you reckoned that once you had dropped it, it would have meant bending irremediably, to the point of breaking, in favour of the evil pulling that had been dancing around you throughout your entire life.

the deaf thud of the sacred text hitting the floor had rivalled with the same echoed sound of ellie's cheek getting slapped once again. the capillaries were fast breaking and the warm sensation over the beaten skin sat rather uncomfortable. not so much so as to hinder the devilish grin that ellie had no shame in sporting.

"at least now you're dropping the act of the prissy nun thinking she's better than everyone," her raspy voice had become lower, almost inaudible. but as subtle – and therefore armless – as it may have seemed, its ability to insinuate just as venom does, with blind cruelty, hadn't left space for mercy. "beating me like the other sisters when you faked compassion the moment they did it to me."

the whole context hadn't given you the chance to develop not even a semblance of pity towards ellie. no, it couldn't have found it in the midst of the scorching flames hell that was engulfing your guts. "you deserve every punishment they gave you. my only mistake was thinking you could gain god's forgiveness," you had inched closer to ellie, mimicking, without having full control over it, her tone and setting a twisted game with the loser's destruction as the prize.

"i'm yet to see how you discipline your bad kids," ellie had taken your free hand, the one responsible for the red heat spreading on half of her face, had brought it closer to her chipped lips, "since you're a sick pervert, i imagine you make them do sick shit as well. what is it? spanking? making them kneel down to eat your pussy?" the last bit of her degrading speech had been accompanied by the wet noise of her saliva coating your thumb and your thumb pressing as though it had had life of its own down ellie's tongue.

"want me to show it to you?" it must have been the devil himself that had smelt how deliciously sinfully your soul was accepting to delve into a grave without possibility to repent. everything had been lost.

"fuck– fucking slut knows hot to– oh man—," that was the agonised prize that your fingers entering ellie and pumping with no care in the world inside her pussy had won for you. there was a spot under ellie, a combination of her own cum and the saliva you had spat on your hand because depravity was the puppeteer moving and angling your strings, and you, brainless and unable to feel shame, followed along, being the only purpose of your tainted existence.

you were becoming obsessed with that sight, your pussy had long started to grind on ellie's stomach, lifting more and more of her black shirt, revealing the toned muscles that helped the friction you were ready to sell your soul to encounter.

fitting a third finger inside ellie, you moaned as though you were the one being penetrated. your teeth were munching your lower lip as a manner to deal with the inexplicable pleasure you were both giving and experiencing. like the previous things, you definitely hadn't planned not only to do this, but to enjoy it as much as an animal in heat would have.

ellie decided she had had enough and pulled her hands out of the pathetic cage that was your numb digits, reckoning they would be of more use gripping the soft flesh of your hips and helping you cover her navel with more your intoxicating precum.

"why can't you always be this obedient? why can't you be a good girl?" your now free hand found a new grip in your own hair, all while indulging in ellie's silent desire to hump harder above her. which meant automatically increasing the speed with which your fingers were claiming her fucked out hole.

ellie sobbed at your words, reading them as indirect praise, the affirmation that like a madwoman she had been searching her all life, the affirmation that frustrated her so much it made her into the shadow of herself.

"oh god please– please, forgive me... oh god, ellie– don't stop..." came out corrupted beyond salvation, tainted by your tears of pleasure and the chocked scream of the most mind numbing orgasm you have ever had, fearing your brain would never recover its sanity.

if you had been captured by the image of ellie, fucked out on the bed where you sleep, ellie too had endured a sight of her own that pushed its limit with you coming on her. it happened during the first second of your high, for this reason you understood that ellie had flipped both of you over, so that now she was between your legs, only when your clothed core met ellie's naked one.

she was humping you like you had been humping her, only with more domineering force due to the position you were in. ellie had her own release in mind and nothing else. there was only the heat stuck in her belly finally exploding with spikes making different parts of her body convulse in quick succession.

the ache of your pussy was no match to the fuelling sensation of having ellie take you like this, using you for her own pleasure after you doing the same to her, putting you in a subordinate position to have full control of what to do to you. "e-ellie come, please come," you begged and pathetically tried to confirm what you wanted by holding ellie's ass to deepen her movements.

she, on the other hand, couldn't resist any longer and with a last thrust she halted flush against you, mere centimetres away from your lips, your legs spread impossibly wide with the only intention of providing ellie with the best position to let go of her built up arousal.

her face had somewhat softened, not taking into account the frown on her forehead, her eyebrows knitted in a desperate expression, almost confused by the force with which her orgasm had deprived her of the characteristic vulgarity and witty behaviour.

she looked... vulnerable. and her lips looked so ready to be kissed and maybe even bitten or sucked. but the delirious feeling of the orgasm had wore off completely by then and anger for a further loss in dignity was covering the entirety of your thoughts. you weren't going to show any more of what you had already done.

you pushed her away, shivering in cold once her body left yours and as quickly as your trembling legs permitted you, you sat on the edge of your bed. facing away from ellie who was waiting for your next move.

"get the fuck out of my room," and with that, a deafening noise produced by the slamming of your wooden door was all was left for you to hear.

[0-hoony]

he's the one that's livin' in my system baby! [01]

pairing : sungchan x reader genre : fluffy roommates au <3 lil angst bc reader is really out here questioning their whole existence (js like me fr) cw/tw : none! wc : 516 w 0.0

10 days to go till finals. you are not holding up as well you would have liked. it's not as if you're not studying it's just.. the need to achieve near perfect status in each subject leads to anxiety which in turn leads to procrastination. shocker.

you sigh, pushing your chair away from the desk and stretch in an attempt to provide relief to your sore muscles - a result of being hunched over your notebook, doodling away mindlessly. you were supposed to have completed 4 chapters by now, but the 20 minute turned 3 hour break you spent watching random videos on your laptop very generously gave you a aching throb behind your eyes. hence the doodling, in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

..needless to say, it wasn't very successful. okay, you think, time for the last resort. you walk out of your room to the one adjacent to yours, and knock on its door lightly.

"'s open"

peeking your head in, your heart can't help but feel a little lighter at the sight of your roommate, sungchan, lounging on his bed with his back against the wall as he cutely frowns at some game on his phone, having already been through the hell that is finals about a week ago due to being in a different uni.

"i really don't know why you even borrow to knock anymore, not like i'd ever say no to you - even if you're just going to stand and stare at me~", being charming always comes naturally to him, unfortunately for you.

huffing a bit, trying to think of a witty reply, but that headache really just hates your entire existence huh? you wordlessly move to his bed. somehow sungchan understands what you're trying to do and complies with your wish without a single complaint because, in his own words, how could he ever say no to you?

pulling you closer to him, he lays your head on his thigh, draping a throw blanket over you with such gentleness that one could easily perceive the concern in his actions, maybe a bit too much considering you were just roommates.. because he refuses to address his feelings, preferring instead to hide behind flirty remarks - you've emphasized their friendship one too many times. he adjusts his crossed legs, phone long forgotten, as he tucks that one strand of hair that always falls on your face behind your ear.

you hear him mumble something about resting well. and then a feather soft, barely there brush of his lips against your forehead.

the slumber that follows after is heavenly, you swear you always sleep better around (or on) sungchan. not that you would ever breathe a single word of this to him. he's your roommate for god's sake - you'd rather suffer under the weight of unrequited feelings than to confess and damage the beautiful relation you've managed to form with the star athlete, who believes teasing you is a daily goal that he must fulfill.

on second thoughts, you're not sure how long you can keep your facade up...

old notes : so so self indulgent.. i'll make a prettier layout as soon as my exams r done frfr... [edit- doneish !] new notes : its a series now !11!!!! + [series m.list] [m.list]

[teejaystumbles]

Against all odds (Part 5)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

(this continues directly after Part 4, Hob reads the rest of Dream's entry)

Negligence and luck were my saviours in the end. I managed to escape and take my revenge. I have recovered my tools of office and my power. I am free. And yet I feel like part of me is still trapped inside that basement, as unconnected to the world around me as I was before, but in a different way. Before I was captured I felt, if not above then distinctly separate from humanity; I resented that my existence depends on them, on you. I felt detached, outside of what should be intimately familiar to me. Now I am able to recognise that, but to overcome my reluctance to embrace humanity more is still a struggle. I know that not all of you are like Roderick Burgess but the fear lingers, despite logic telling me there is nothing to fear. I know my function is to serve them and my imprisonment caused great harm to many. I see now why I cannot go on like I used to. I hope that you might help me with getting to know humanity again, as you have so many times before. I confess that in my mind you had stopped being simply a human and therefore outside of how I judged humanity. You might have worried I might look down on you, but in fact I have long since seen you as someone apart from the humans I tend to. For that I am sorry, because you are just as deserving and in need of my attention as everyone else. Your perspective was supposed to help me understand humanity better, to grow closer to humans and I failed to learn my lesson. I only grew closer to you, while completely ignoring that you are human and failing to extend my feelings for you onto the rest of humanity. I was supposed to listen to you and learn what it is like to live a human life, but I did not internalise the lesson. I hope that with time I will become able to value human lives in their entirety and show others more respect and compassion. This will not come easy to me after nearly a century spent in a cage at the hand of a human, but I will try.

I apologise, Hob. All this will not make much sense to you because I have still not told you who I am, and I still wish to do so in person. Suffice it to say that you have already glimpsed the truth and noticed changes that are related to my person and what happened to me. Feel free to guess, my friend, but be assured that I will give you my name soon. Maybe then you will understand the scope of all I’ve relayed to you.

I have laid myself bare for you, my friend. I do not think I could have articulated half of this had we talked face to face. Admitting to my faults and insecurities does not come easy to me. My ordeal has left me with some conditions that I did not know I was capable of suffering. As you already know I am struggling with being in enclosed spaces, and I feel especially reluctant if there is a lot of glass. I also do not enjoy being close to humans I do not know, although, as you well know, I know everyone. This is limited to certain aspects of their person, though, and does not include mind reading. Therefore I find myself apprehensive of their goals and possible actions, which is why I prefer to keep my distance. I know that these fears are not logical and that I should be able to “shake them off” - yet I cannot, and I do not know for how long they will impede me. My greatest fear I have so far not articulated, though. If I tell you my name, will you still look at me the same way?

The words stop without a farewell and Hob drops the journal with a choked sob, his eyes wide and watering. He wants to howl. He refrains for the sake of his neighbours and simply slumps to the floor beside the fallen book. It’s still open and Hob rereads the last line through more and more tears welling up. He makes a sound like a wounded animal and gets back up on his knees, searches for a pen on top of the desk and then immediately launches into writing a reply right there on the floor.

My friend, my dearest friend!

Why would you think that I would ever look at you differently? You are more dear to me than anyone else and knowing your name and who or what you truly are will not change that! I believe I have been privileged to get to know you over the few times we met, and even more through these letters we have been writing. Even if your name was Oberon, or Hades, or hell, even Lucifer! I would not look at you differently, except to ask you why you lied when I first guessed that you might be a demon. I don’t think you would ever lie to me, though. Whatever you are, I have thought about it and puzzled over it since I first met you, so you know that the only way I would look at you if I finally got to know your name would be with awe and curiosity - the same way I have always looked at you. You are endlessly fascinating to me and I cannot believe you would think that I might change my opinion on you because of something as unimportant as a name. I already know you, dear stranger, with or without it. So I say, don’t tell me unless you truly want to. Don’t think you owe me a name or explanation. I do not need it. All I need is you, and our conversations. 

Hob pauses his writing and lets the pen drop from his fingers, drawing a shaky breath and rubbing his eyes. He wishes he had planned this better, thought about what he would write before starting, but in the end it’s maybe best to give his stranger this excessive honesty. Hob has a bad feeling about his friend’s entry simply stopping and what he probably needs is immediate assurance. So this is what Hob will lead with, and address the other issues afterwards. He means it, too. He doesn’t care who or what his friend truly is. He’s Hob’s friend, the oldest and best he’s got, and he’s determined to keep him, no matter what kind of being he turns out to be. “My sister, Death.” That's what his stranger wrote, Hob remembers and flips the pages of the journal back, rereading the first part of his friend’s entry. Roderick Burgess tried to summon Death, and got her brother instead. Death’s brother. His friend is Death's brother. What could that possibly make him? One of the four horsemen? Pestilence, or Famine? War seems unlikely, somehow. Actually none of these fit his stranger, Hob thinks and shakes his head slightly. He gets up and sits at the desk, the journal open in front of him. He doesn’t quite know what to write next and so he drops the pen and goes to wash his face and make himself tea, trying to collect his thoughts in the meantime.

When he returns to the bedroom he finds he cannot write more without mulling it all over first. He feels empty, the horror of his friend’s ordeal growing more and more clearer in his mind. He doesn’t know what to write besides “Please let me hold you. Please let me make you smile. Please let me love you.” None of that seems even nearly appropriate to tell to a traumatised person that is probably not even remotely attracted to him. What his stranger needs now is a friend (well, actually a therapist, but Hob will do his best), not a clingy lover like Hob.

He goes to bed and leaves the journal open on the desk. Maybe when he wakes up he’ll be able to find the right words. He falls asleep to thoughts of prisons made of glass, his friend stuck inside, looking mournfully at him.

Hob dreams of the White Horse. He wears his modern clothes but the Inn looks like it did in 1589 and with a smile he sits down at the lavishly decorated table, ready to host his friend. When Hob looks up his stranger is standing a few feet away on the other side of the table. He looks like Hob saw him in his bedroom, although his hair is a bit wilder and his black coat looks longer and is speckled with stars. Hob smiles at him and gestures at the spread.

“My friend! Sit, eat! You must be awfully hungry!”

His stranger frowns and takes a cautious step closer, looking at the table laden with food, then back at Hob.

“You offer me sustenance, my friend?”

I offer you everything.

“Of course,” Hob exclaims, “this, and more! If there is anything I can give you, I will! Please, only ask and I will try and find a way to get it for you.”

Hob wants to stop talking but he can’t seem to stop the words. “Be it food or drink, or hugs, or kisses - everything I have, my heart, if you but ask, is yours.” He blushes, knows that his eyes have grown wide in shock and still he cannot stop looking at his friend, staring at him in open adoration. Brother of Death, brother of Death, his mind keeps shrieking at him and Hob feels his smile crumble in dread as his stranger does not visibly react to Hob’s words at all. Too forward, too honest! Fool, you dare, he chides himself and bites his tongue when he feels more words on the cusp of breaking free.

His stranger does not acknowledge Hob’s words, he slowly picks up a strawberry and takes a delicate bite. His dark eyes do not leave Hob’s for even a second, though. Hob feels heat pool in his belly and bites his tongue harder until he feels blood well up inside his mouth. He opens it and a drop spills out, staining his lips as red as the strawberry is staining his friend’s. His stranger’s eyes are black from side to side now, gleaming in the low light like pearls. Hob blinks and suddenly the man is right in front of him, reaching out until his fingertip gently brushes the drop of blood from Hob’s lips, the next moment he is standing at the other end of the table again, a half-eaten strawberry staining his fingers. Hob feels lightheaded and grips the table to remain upright. What is going on? This is the strangest dream he’s ever had. The voice of his friend is suddenly coming from everywhere, reverberating inside Hob’s head.

“I accept your offering, dear Hob. I promise to cherish it…and treat it with utmost care.”

Hob wants to ask what his friend means but he feels very tired all of a sudden, despite knowing that he’s already asleep. He feels himself sink back into what feels like soft cushions and the room darkens around them until all he can see are two twin stars twinkling in his friend’s eyes. Then there is nothing but darkness, and sleep.

Part 6

[team7-headquarter]

There's no way I can analyze the Team 7 dynamic before saying a bunch of stuff about Sakura.

Most vital parts of her character in relation to the theme of the story get completely overlooked in favor of #GirlPower, making her just part of a ship or hating her without taking a moment to really dive in how she exists on the Naruto world.

What do you mean you can't remember Haku's speech on how in the shinobi system people want to become tools for the people they love and how it connects to Sakura later becoming a medic nin?

What do you mean you can't see how she was not given proper continuation to her Naruto classic breakthrough in the Chunning Exams + after the Sasuke Retrieval mission? And before someone can say her only realization was has been useless all that time, it's even more important!! She knew she had been unfair to Naruto for treating him so bad and expecting him to shoulder all her burdens like nothing, that she did a disservice to Sasuke too by not acting as her teammate but basically asking him to rescue himself and Naruto it failed. She makes a promise to herself to grow for her and not someone else, to become a kunoichi and focus on her career instead of letting times drag her around, she makes herself a promise that she won't be powerless anymore, because her friends deserve it and she deserves it.

Naruto Classic even makes a point of letting her go back into her old ways out of stress and the minute she notices what she has done, what she did to Sasuke and Naruto, she apologizes to him (Naruto) and promises to burden the weight of the promise he made with him— that's why, back then, Shikamaru and Tsunade were able to smile to both Sakura and Naruto, seeing their courage in the face of Sasuke leaving.

Shippuden just repeats and exploits those scenes in new ways, bringing Sakura back at the start for the sake of drama or ship baiting. What Sai told Sakura and how it leads to Sakura fake confession makes no sense given the hospital room scene!!!! She knows she hurt him, she saw it back then!!!! She knows he suffers for her and that's why she promised to go after Sasuke with him next time! She apologized for her behavior and she worried about Naruto's wellbeing and she ran to ask to be Tsunade's apprentice because she knew!!!!

It makes no sense!!!

Her arc in the Classic is supposed to be about how she doesn't have a definition of herself that she feels belong in the world, so she hides behind pretences. During their presentation, you learned more about Sasuke than Sakura. She was on the same level of Kakashi revealing nothing about her life. The Chunning Exams start with Kakashi all worried that her lack of confidence/independence would force her into the exams. She realizes how little she has truly work on her own self during the Sound shinobis attack and cuts her hair, swearing she'll do better. It's her sense of self HIDDEN SO DEEP WITHIN HER, what break a technique that is not supposed to be capable of being broken.

The Classics portraits Sakura as being annoying and naive and causing damage through ignorance but it always Sakura to grow. She learns and she's able to keep that knowledge. She's neglected by Kakashi in her training, but she's able to seek a sensei for herself —and that's an important thing for her! She's not waiting for someone to teach her or recommend her! She has agency now! She has gone so far, evolved so much!

Sakura offering herself as a puppet to Chiyo is not about lack of independence, it's Sakura showing that she acknowledged and accepted the Shinobi philosophy of being a weapon. She's still Sakura, too sentimental, too willing to jump to shield the life of another, but now it gives Tsunade's energy. Those women turn weakness into power, love and fear into determination. Sasori allows them to kill him because the battle was never about the knifes and always about the dispute on points of views.

It's a battle of philosophies: Chiyo and Sakura won

But after that? There are moments of importance and coherence, but the story starts regressing her progress in favor of some angst with Naruto or Sasuke and it kills their dynamics. The storytelling is messy —not cohesive enough. Contradictions start to appear everywhere. It's not even a form to being depth into her characterization, it's clear it's nothing but indecision, confusion, too many lines to take so you take several and end up mixing it.

The Sakura from the Classic was unknowable for her teammates. Naruto couldn't see her struggles because he was too young. Sasuke could see it, but he didn't want to engage with it 'cause he had his own agenda. They had their dreams and they were her dream. They were far more developed and on a different stage of their storylines, while Sakura was far behind, a late bloomer.

Her whole story is about her trying to catch up with them not in power, not in importance, but merely on the idea of having work on herself enough that she can't stand on her own and do something on her own and mean something of her own, without them, outside of them, so their dynamics can mature too.

Must mention that I'm not talking about romance at all, but you can't avoid it a lot because romance is one of the obstacles in their relationships. The love triangle and later the nostalgia encourages them all to see the others through the lenses of idealization or through memories. It's not until the end of the Classic that the masks fall, with Sasuke forcing it. He forces Naruto and Sakura to grow, the same way the violent reality of the Waves arc forced them to face the nature of the shinobi life.

The main conflict of part 1 is that they were kids.

Then Shippuden (with all the love in the world, I love Shippuden so much but wait a minute) goes the coward route. It pretends to be all mature and political and then avoids the real problems, never continuating that personality traits presented in the Classic that would lead Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke to take different decisions that what they took later on the manga.

Naruto wanted to semanticsize the word shinobi after Zabuza! Sakura questioned the system right then and Kakashi had to give a speech about it!!!! The real context of Sasuke leaving is not "oh no, Sasuke you can't be a rebel!!", it's the knowledge that Orochimaru wants to experiment on him and he already has without Sasuke's consent and he (Sasuke) was in real danger by going forward with the cursed mark! The other kids only knew about Orochimaru through the tell of how he killed the Hokage, but Sakura and Naruto fought with him on the Forest of Death!!

Sakura says all she says to try and stop Sasuke for leaving because it is a director callback to their conversation after Naruto transformed in Sasuke and tried to kiss her. Sasuke said Sakura made him sick because she didn't know what how lonely was horrible and dared to talk about it without knowing and saying stuff like she would be better without her parents. So Sakura tries to tell him on that night, look! I'm feeling it now! If this is how you were feeling then stay! Or take me with you! She plays with the fact he must remember that conversation. This time she's not thinking "I want to overwhelm him with sex appeal", mouth full of words she doesn't comprehend. She's saying "I love you!" because she still doesn't comprend how Sasuke feels, but she knows how she feels now.

She's gone a long way, but she still has further to go and Sasuke would never mess with her own development. He would never do that to her. He can't talk to Sakura, she won't get it, she still has to learn about the world, so he won't waste more words. So he thanks her. Who knows what for, but he thanks her. Her ignorance's annoying to no end but he appreciates how she, despite the barriers, tries to reach him anyway. She lacks the words or the method or the strength, but she tries anyway.

For him.

It's very much the same with Naruto. She turns herself into a weapon for them both and she even internalizes the cruelty of the shinobi world, that she had to treat Sasuke like the enemy and fight him like the enemy and stop him for commiting more crimes (view from the Konoha perspective), but she fails. She can't. She does the same thing Tsunade did to poison the people she loved and tried to solve it on her own, but in both cases they were lying to themselves. They wanted an easy way out. I kill you, it's over, I don't have to deal anymore with the pain your own decisions bring me because I can't stop you, you're your own person. They KNOW it and the fold under the knowledge of it, okay?

Naruto is a jinchuriki and they are hunting him to kill him and she can't do nothing, because going on with those missions is Naruto's decisions and not hers. She's selfish in wanting them save and sound! It is bad and it is human! She is erasing them as their own persons! She loves them so so much! She acts several times on her desire to go back and pretend everything is okay and then her friends have to correct her, sometimes gentle or sometimes reprimanding her. As tempting as it is to close your eyes and pretend, it can't be. That's the only reason why she didn't fell for the lure of the Eternal Tsukuyomi: her whole life has been about learning why that living of illusions won't bring happiness to anyone.

Shippuden somehow traps her in that realization like a personal hell. I love you both. You are willing to sacrifice your wellbeing for your dreams. I can't do nothing. I can only cry and ask you to stop and do something reckless and try to use myself as a living shield. But I can't do nothing. You are your own beings and you will destroy yourselves if you want to. I can only sit, wait and see if I can mend you later. I can only deal with the afterwards. I can only control my reactions to your actions.

Making her a medic is amazing because she has to wait for one of them to start bleeding to come in the scene. They will never allow her to fight for them in the way they did for her in the Classic, for multiple reasons —including just how important is agency and free will for both Naruto and Sasuke.

When people say she's useless? Or have no place in the narrative? Or bring nothing to the table? Or speaks in no way about the failures and cruelty if the shinobi system? When people don't get that she's Naruto and Sasuke narrative foil in terms of her arc being narrated in a completely different way with different aspects? That's she's all they're not or can't be or can't have or weren't allowed to be? When people erase her from the dynamics of Team 7 and don't see the gaping hole they left in her absence?

It makes me utterly insane. All members of Team 7, the original and all the Shippuden versions, are relevant to the themes. All of them.

[asherisawkward]

I found Luz not caring about the demon realms history annoying. I get it. Some of it was made up, but most of it wasn't, just why the crusade was started. It seems a lot of the history she got was through word of mouth.

You figure a fan of fantasy would be excited to learn the history and culture of a magical realm, not just magic. I'm surprise a lot more demons and witches didn't get fed up with her. The only thing who seemed to have anything against it was Hunter, but I could be remembering it all wrong. Sorry if this comes off as a rant.

I absolutely get what you mean!! Luz, from what I remember of TOH, spent a lot of time trying to fit the Boiling Isles into her opinion of what a fantasy world should be. She doesn’t really listen to the laws or the cultural norms. I suppose that it makes sense to ignore the laws to a certain extent, considering they’re made by a witch hunter pretending to be a benevolent ruler, but she doesn’t even try to think about things critically. Especially in this day and age, you are supposed to research and analyze before you draw a conclusion, not just take the word of some criminal who doesn’t even off you any proof. I love Eda. She’s badass and creative, and I adore how she grows to care about others through the series. But she is a biased character to introduce a world through, and Luz doesn’t even question it. She hears Eda’s “oh, he just wants to control magic” and runs with it.

The biggest example of her complete dismissal of the Boiling Isles culture, laws, and norms would be when she continued to push to be in all classes. Not only does she lack the necessary knowledge to cast precise spells, but she is asking the principal, the teachers, and all the students to risk themselves for her fantasy. This isn’t some petty pickpocketing that she’s asking a few people to ignore. She asks to be allowed to violate one of the most important laws in the whole country—it has the death penalty, for fuck’s sake! Principal Bump could have been executed for allowing this; the teachers could have gone to prison! And the students who don’t turn her in, while unlikely to suffer so severely, are likely to be punished as well! How many people could have been hurt or killed by her thoughtless violation of the laws if Belos had been shown to be a bit more how Dana claims he was? (Because, all things considered, he’s not shown to be the harshest ruler ever.)

Additionally, it bothers me that she never bothers to explore any real cultures or traditions on the Isles. She “wants to be a witch,” but doesn’t focus on anything other than the magic of it. If it were Harry Potter world, where witches are exclusively humans with human culture but magic, I’d get that, but it isn’t. It is a whole other world where everything from childhood to the system of government is different. Her refusal to let go of her preconceived notions and just explore what the BIs is like comes off a little bit like a weeb in their mother’s basement saying “I want to be Japanese,” going to Japan, and then never exploring it beyond their notions of what Japan is like from anime. I love Luz, and it was incredibly impactful for me to see a fellow neurodivergent fantasy nerd on screen, but she has a tendency of treating the Boiling Isles like her escapist fantasies. It bothers me that it’s not really addressed.

Finally, this lack of exploration leads to limited knowledge on what the actual inhabitants of the Boiling Isles are like aside from a select handful. What beliefs aside from the Titan do people have? What rituals do they perform, holidays do they celebrate? What are the people of the Boiling Isles like? Part of what I love about Amphibia is the time it takes to world-build, to show us all the different ways that the world works, and how there are varied, diverse, and unique cultures that are a part of it. It makes Amphibia dynamic and alive. The Owl House doesn’t do that with the Boiling Isles, and I’m bummed about that.

I hope this is close enough to what you’re talking about, because this got me on a tangent.

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 11)

Word count: 25.5k

Pairings: Jake x OC, Jake x Reader, Sam x OC

Warnings: 18+ as always, drinking, smoking, language, fluff, angst, smut.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon. Please go show her some love!

STRANGE HORIZONS: BRIDGEPORT

ONE DAY BEFORE SHOW

HER POV

You pull the ticket from the parking meter as you make your way into the garage, circling around and around trying to find an empty space to park. It was similar to the thoughts in your mind, circling round and round hoping to find one that didn’t include Jake. You waited for that to happen, but it never did. 

It had been two weeks since you left Nashville, and you only returned now because you had to. You wanted nothing more than to stay isolated on the sand of that sunny beach in North Carolina. Nothing but the sound of crashing waves and the feeling of the sun on your skin. A momentary escape from the real world. From your real thoughts. Your real feelings. Or at least, that's what you hoped would happen.

Your eyes caught an empty space, quickly turning into it and sitting in park. You took a deep breath as you grabbed your things from the front seat, and stepped out into the humid Tennessee air. You knew this wasn’t going to be easy, nothing ever was when it came to Jake. 

Your trip was supposed to clear your head, not sully it further. Caught in the crossfire of your own mind, you spent each day trying to sort out your thoughts. Find the solution you were looking for. But as the days dwindled down with no answer, you felt as if you left Nashville feeling better than when you returned to it. And now as you walked into the airport completely hazy, you wished you were still there wallowing in your own suffering on that quiet little beach.

You perched yourself on one of the overly stiff couches outside of the ticket counter, pulling your phone from your bag to check the group chat. You hadn’t spoken to any of them since you left. Well, not really anyways. Just one email with their travel information, thoroughly detailed just so that they wouldn’t have any reason to reach out. But they did. Mainly Sam. Even a few messages rolled in from Josh. Those didn’t bother you so much. It was the messages from Jake that got to you. Each one left on read. 

The truth is that you didn’t know what to say. You were hurt and confused. You believed the things Josh told you about Jake that day in the green room. Believed him when he said he loved you. That he wanted you. But reality hit you that morning in his hotel room. He had slept with Summer. He didn’t want you. He just wanted someone.

But what right did you have to be upset about that? You were sleeping with Sam. His brother, for god’s sake. That was not lost on you. You had no room to talk. So you didn’t. And now here you sat, counting down the minutes until you would have to face him again.

As the group walked through the sliding doors, you could hear them before you saw them. They stepped into the clearing looking left and right, until finally spotting you. You watched as they rolled their suitcases towards you, Sam breaking into a full out sprint. You braced yourself for the hug you were about to receive as he wrapped his arms around you pulling you up from the couch. 

He spun around in a circle before setting you back on your feet, and looking you over. His eyes flashed to the phone in your hand, “Wow, so that thing does work!” he laughed.

“Yeah, I was starting to think you were dead?” Josh joked.

You grabbed your bag from the couch, as you started to lead the group over to the ticketing counter, “What, can a girl not take a little unplugged vacation?” you asked, not planning on letting them in on the real reason you left.

Sam threw his arm around your shoulder as you continued to walk, “I just wish you would have told me. I was starting to worry if you were even going to be here today.” he laughed nervously.

“Of course I’m here Sammy…where else would I be?” you say, knowing deep down, it would be anywhere but here.

—

“You look awfully tan, where did you run off to anyways?” Sam asks, tossing peanuts into his mouth. 

You look up from your book, trying to keep yourself occupied so that no one would try to strike up a conversation, which clearly wasn’t working. “North Carolina. Emerald Isle… It sounded…peaceful.” you answered.

“You didn’t text me back…” he trailed off.

“I know. I didn’t text anyone back. I just needed some time. Speaking of time…” you said looking at your phone, “We should be boarding in a few minutes.”

Your knee began to bounce nervously as the time drew nearer, the anxiety setting in about the impending flight. 

Sam noticed, placing his hand on your arm. “Just like last time. It will be fine.”

—

You had to admit, one of the perks of the job was flying first class with the rest of the guys. As someone who felt uneasy about flying in the first place, the extra space and free alcohol seemed to help calm those nerves, at least while the plane was still on the ground. As you made your way to your seat you looked for Sam, but as you arrived next to him you saw the wrong seat number. Glancing down at your ticket in confusion, you saw your number was actually the next row back. I thought I was next to Sam, maybe I’m next to Daniel? 

You slide into the aisle seat, and pull out your phone. The guys file in behind you, reading the strip of numbers as they find their seats, but when Daniel walks past you, you feel the bile start to rise in your stomach. You begin to mentally flip through the bookings desperately trying to remember who was supposed to sit where. You were absolutely positive you placed yourself next to Sam. This couldn’t be right.

As you try to pull up the booking information on your phone, the gravelly voice that has been playing in your head for weeks rings out clear as day, “Looks like I’m right there.”

Your eyes flash up to meet his, partially hidden by the blue tinted lenses. You stand up, and step out into the aisle, letting him past you but not without being overtaken by the smell of his cologne. He tosses his backpack under the seat in front of him, before buckling his seatbelt and crossing his legs. You slide back into your seat, resituating yourself and turning your face back to your phone. 

“Hey Jake…” Sam says, turning around, pushing his face between the openings of the seats.

Jake lifts his head to look at him, raising his eyebrows.

“She’s a nervous flier…” Sam says, causing Jake to turn his attention to you.

You shrug your shoulders in agreement and he nods his head, “It will be over quick.” he says, sending you a gentle smile.

Sam sits back down in his seat, and you lean down to grab your book from your bag, rustling around in the overly full abyss until your fingers find the dog-eared pages.

The flight attendant greets the two of you taking your drink orders and returning immediately with the beverages. As you sip on your tequila soda, Jake follows suit taking small sips of his Jack and Coke. “These should help, no?” he asks.

You glance up at him and you can tell that there is a sense of nervousness in his question, almost as if he was afraid to speak to you.

You swallow quickly, “Maybe. I–I hope so.” you answer, taking in the sight of him in what you’ve come to know is his favorite black button up. Made of soft cotton and broken in just right. A staple from his slim collection, paired with a pair of worn-in jeans, rolled at the ankles as his legs sit crossed comfortably in front of him. 

He takes you in just the same, admiring the glow of your sunkissed skin, further enhancing the small sprinkle of freckles on your arms, only visible during the warm summer months. He pries his eyes away from you so as not to stare, but you find yourself wishing for his gaze to return. Missing the feeling of his eyes on you.

You continue to sip at your drink, hoping the alcohol would work faster in aiding your fears but as the attendants ended their safety demonstration you knew your time was almost up. Throwing back the rest of the drink, you sat the empty cup in the tiny cup holder in front of you, wishing it would somehow magically refill in the next ten seconds. 

The plane began to taxi the runway as your knee started to bounce nervously. You ran your sweaty palms over the tops of your bare legs, in an attempt to rid yourself of some of your nervous energy. Suddenly the plane began to accelerate, tearing down the runway rapidly moving almost as quickly as your heart rate. Your hands gripped the arm rests as the negative G’s began to pull you backwards.

Squeezing your eyes tightly shut you felt the plane lifting off the ground. But the other thing you felt was the warm, soft hand that came to rest on your bouncing knee, instantly calming the action beneath it. Opening your eyes at the contact you were taken aback. The two of you had hardly spoken two words to each other, but for some reason this was different. This wasn’t him making a move on you. No, this was Jake doing what he did best. Providing the calm energy that flowed through his veins to someone who needed it.  

You could feel it, transferring from his skin to yours, feeling your body physically relax at his gentle touch. His hand rested on the top of your bare thigh, burning into your skin like scorching flames. The fire traveling through your leg and up into your chest, weaving paths through your body until it completely consumed you. 

The weight of his hand was sure and steady as it rested there, a place he hadn’t touched in years, but what only felt like minutes. As the plane continued to gain altitude his hand remained, waiting there until he felt it was safe to remove it. Part of you hoping he never did.

You could feel his fingers as they sunk into the soft flesh of your thigh, his calloused fingertips gliding up and down just barely noticeable unless you were watching. Which you were. You could hardly peel your eyes away from it. When the plane hit a tiny bit of turbulence on the ascent you found your hand flying down to lay on top of his, grasping for something solid. Something safe. 

His head snapped to look at you, your eyes flicking up to his, full of panic and never breaking contact until the plane slowly began to level out at the final cruising altitude. You swallowed nervously, releasing your hand from his. His index finger raising to meet your palm as you pulled your hand away. Such a simple action sending a twist into your stomach and a chill down your spine.

Then suddenly his hand was gone. The warmth from where it once sat now met with the cool cabin air. You were sure if you looked down you would see a fiery red print of his hand left emblazoned on your skin, but as your eyes glanced down you saw nothing. No mark, no sign, no trace that it ever happened. However, you could still feel it there, almost as if it never really left. 

But that was Jake. Leaving his invisible mark on you. One you could never see but would always feel. No matter how hard you tried not to. That’s how you knew this wasn’t really over. Not even close. 

—

You catch him out of the corner of your eye, peeking over the pages of his book to grab a glimpse of you. His book, seemingly far less interesting than the thought of you sitting next to him on this flight. You smile to yourself each time you see him do it, wondering what he must be thinking as his eyes trail up and over the pages. 

You bury your nose in your own book, hoping to immerse yourself in the pages in front of you, momentarily taking you out of your own reality. At least that's how you felt when you started it. Now, you weren’t quite sure you wanted to be anywhere other than right here. It was stupid of you, you thought. Your heart flip flopping on how it felt about him every other minute. You loved him, yes, but that didn’t necessarily mean you liked him right now. How simple was it for him to change that thought with just the touch of his hand? Which brought you circling back to your argument of why it even mattered to you that he slept with Summer, since you two had given each other no indication of your feelings for each other, or if they even really existed.

In a frustrated huff you closed your book and set it on your lap, rubbing your fingers over your eyes. You could feel his eyes on you as you opened your own, setting your hands to rest in your lap.

You turn your head to face him, his eyes wide as he realizes he's been caught in the act this time. You raise an eyebrow at him, as he closes his book and tucks it under his leg. You watch him swallow nervously as he goes to speak, “How was your…trip?” he asks, his voice low and cautious.

His eyes search yours as he waits to hear your answer, but begins to second guess himself. “Or, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I can just keep reading my book...”

“It was…warm. But not what I expected. I don’t think I care too much for the Atlantic Ocean.” you answer.

He chuckles under his breath, holding up the book that was just under his leg. ‘We The Drowned’ adorning the cover. “Some of the most interesting shipwrecks took place in the Atlantic.” he says flipping through the pages of the book.

“Probably because it’s one of the most dangerous in the world.” you offered.

“That it is, but beauty hides in danger you know…” he replies, in his usual cryptic way, just before changing the subject. “Why did you go? On your trip…” he asks.

“To… get out of Nashville.” you answer, not completely a lie.

He looks to the floor, nodding his head, “Ahh…To get away from me.”

His eyes look to yours, and he finds his answer as he plays with the rolled edges of his book.

“No…” you squeak out.

A soft push of air leaves his nose and a smile curls his lips, “I can still tell when you’re lying you know…” he says, turning to look at you.

Of course he can.

“I just wanted to go…Somewhere quiet where I could think…Figure some things out. Find some answers. Just needed a little bit of me time.” you answer.

“And did you find your answers?” he asks, bringing his fingertips to his chin.

“No.” you reply defeatedly.

He runs his fingers over hip lips, thinking about his response almost as if he knew he had the answer you needed, “It will come to you. When you least expect it.”

—

You all stand in front of the luggage carousel, looking for your bags as they circle around, waiting to be plucked from the line. Jake’s words circled through your mind just the same, ‘When you least expect it…’  You wondered what he meant.

Sam threw his arm around you as he took a spot next to you, “How was it? You good?” he asks.

“It was fine, although I swear I booked our seats together.” you answer.

“I don’t see any blood, so it looks like you two didn’t kill each other.” he laughs.

You elbow his ribs, sending him hurdling dramatically into Daniel.

You watch as he and Daniel begin to collect their bags and instrument cases, placing them onto the rolling cart. You watch patiently for yours, knowing it will be coming around any second. 

You spot it, stepping forward to grab it but it's Jake’s hand that takes the handle, yanking it from the belt. Shocked, you turned to look at him, “How did you know that was mine?”

“Oh, uh, I saw it when we got to the airport this morning. I guess I just remembered what it looked like.” he said with a soft hopeful smile. 

“Well thanks, I could have grabbed it, you didn’t have to do that…” you trail off. 

“I know. I wanted to.” he says, placing the suitcase on the cart. He turns back, grabbing his guitar case as it passes, and you all start to make your way to the exit. Pulling your phone from your bag, you pull up the information for the pickup spot and lead the way. 

—

Loading five suitcases and two instrument cases into a van proved to be more difficult than you anticipated. After roughly twenty minutes of luggage tetris you were on your way to the hotel, fully ready to have a drink. The ride was relatively quiet, Sam spent most of the time showing you pictures on his phone of all of the things he did over the past two weeks that he didn’t get to tell you about, flicking away the messages that would occasionally pop up across the screen. 

You felt bad about leaving Sam hanging, not even mentioning you were leaving. But you knew if you told him, he would come to you. He would find you, and fuck you until you couldn’t remember your own name. So you said nothing, and simply left without even so much as a text. But as you laid on that beach it wasn’t Sam you thought of. 

The van pulling into the hotel drop off snapped you back to the present. Everyone began to file out, pulling the carefully arranged bags from the back one by one until yours was the last one left, and sure enough there was Jake again to lend a hand. You blushed as he rolled it towards you with a subtle nod.

You grabbed your phone as you made your way into the lobby, telling the guys you would be back with their room keys. But as you approached the front desk and gave the man your confirmation number, he turned you away stating that your check in time was not until 4:00 pm and it was only 2:30. You pulled up your confirmation, to show him where you had selected an early check in, but to your surprise it wasn’t there. You hadn’t done it. Now, this wouldn’t have been a problem if the guys didn’t have to be in the van and ready to go at 3:45 to head to the venue. But they did, and you needed to figure this out quickly.

You fumbled with the iPad in your bag trying to pull it out of the mess, thoughts swirling a mile a minute. You placed yourself on one of the lobby chairs and began checking times and booking information. You were so sure you selected early check in? How did you manage to get two things wrong in one day?

You just need to call the venue and tell them you’ll be late, then call the van driver and tell him the new time, and everything will be fine. Except it wasn’t. The venue was more than willing to accommodate the later meeting, however the van driver had another pick up and wouldn’t be able to come back until 5:30, pushing everything back significantly. You had no choice but to agree. Your hands were tied. 

The guys all walked through the door as you hung up with the driver, seeing the look of panic on your face as they approached you.

“We good to go?” Josh asked.

“Not exactly... Apparently I forgot to request an early check in, so they wont let us into our rooms for another hour and a half.” you say.

“You forgot? What do you mean you forgot?” Josh asks, furrowing his brow.

“I swear I selected it, I’m not sure what happened but it definitely is not on our booking, and the receptionist was not budging.” you answer.

“Great…” he gripes. “Don’t we have to be at the venue in like an hour?”

“Yeah, you do. I just got off the phone with your driver and told him they wont let us check in until later and that you would need to be picked up later than planned. I called the venue and they were fine with pushing the meeting back, but the driver can't come until 5:30 now, due to a previously scheduled pickup. But I–” Josh’s voice suddenly interrupted you.

“Y/N, are you fucking serious?” Josh asks.

You recoiled at the harshness of his words. He didn’t let you finish.

“I’m sorry?” you ask.

“This isn’t some fun little vacation Y/N, this is work. This is your job. It is your job to make sure shit like this doesn’t happen! Our whole day is going to be thrown off because you forgot to do something? I thought you could handle this! You can't even deal with an early check in? Do you know how bad this makes us look to the venue staff?” he seethes, shaking his head. “Maybe if you weren’t so far up my brother's asses you would have more time to focus on what you’re actually here to do. Maybe I was wrong about you.” 

You feel your eyes well with tears and overwhelming guilt take over your body. Your eyes leave his and look down to the floor in embarrassment. 

Was he right?

JAKE POV

“Josh!” you yell, you can feel your blood boiling under your skin.

His eyes snap to you in a silent ‘what’.

“That’s fucking enough! What is wrong with you?! Since when do you talk to people like that, let alone Y/N? You prick, you’re lucky she doesn’t quit on the spot and leave your ass to figure this shit out for yourself! Unbelievable.” you continue, shaking your head. “You know she is doing a damn good job, you said it yourself a week ago! Sure it's an inconvenience, but are you really going to stand here and say you’ve never made a mistake? Get a grip Josh.” 

His face softens and demeanor shifts, he knows you’re right, whether he will admit it or not. 

Daniel turns to her, placing his hand on her arm, “Y/N, don’t listen to him. I don’t know what crawled up his ass. You’re doing great, I’m sure everything will work out fine.” 

Your eyes flick over to hers, filled with tears but trying her best not to crack in front of all of you. Don’t break baby, hold strong. You watch as she swallows down the lump in her throat, and turns away, walking back to the front desk.

When she is out of earshot you step up closer to Josh, grabbing him forcefully by the back of his neck, and growling into his ear, “Don’t ever let me hear you talk to her like that again, or you and I are going to have a fucking problem. Understand?” you say, releasing him with a push. He shrugs you off and turns away.

You look over to Sam, who is completely oblivious to everything around him as he talks on the phone in the corner. Who the fuck is he talking to? Why is he not over here defending her?

Josh pulls out his phone and ignores you as you stand there watching him, wondering what the fuck came over him to make him snap like that. You see Y/N walking back towards the group, with room keys and a stoic expression. 

She clears her throat to address the group, “I talked to the manager and explained the situation. She issued us our keys. I’m gonna go to my room and change, and make a few calls but I will send you all a text when the van gets here.” she says, completely dejected not making eye contact with any of you.  

She passes out the keys to each of you, eyes full of sadness as she hands Josh his last. “Sorry I’m not what you expected. I understand if you need to find someone else.” 

She turns and walks away, her suitcase rolling next to her as she makes her way to the elevator. Fuck.

Daniel turns to Josh, “God damn dude. If that’s how you treat your friends, I would hate to be your enemy.” 

—

Tapping your keycard to the door you enter your room, which is much larger and nicer than the last hotel, with a stunning view of the ocean. You set your things on the table and open the curtains, fully taking in the beauty of the Atlantic, smiling to yourself as you thought back to your conversation with Y/N just a few short hours ago. 

You knew she was going to run. She always did. If she was hurt, really hurt, she was going to run away, and isolate herself. Completely shut the world out trying to close herself off from the pain, hoping that it wouldn’t find her wherever she was going. But it always did, it was written all over her face as you saw her at the airport this morning. You couldn’t exactly blame her, you were hurting too. 

You kicked off your boots, as you made your way over to the bed, laying down into the fluffy white duvet with a sigh. The feeling of her skin against your hand playing on repeat in your mind. You weren’t sure why you did it, instinct maybe, but you don’t regret it. You could feel her relax at your touch. You still had that effect on her. It gave you hope. Hope that maybe she didn’t hate you. Hope that maybe she would hear you out. You wanted to show her that she could trust you. That you were always there for her. Vigilant for her. 

But now you lay here picturing her face as Josh berated her just a few minutes ago. The tears in her eyes and the pain on her face. How could he say that? Right in front of everyone. You wanted to grab her, take her away and tell her he was wrong. Hold her until she believed you. But you couldn’t. 

You force yourself up from the bed, scanning the room for the mini bar. You pull one of the mini bottles from the cabinet, along with a tonic water and mix together the tequila and bubbles. It would at least take the edge off. 

You walk over to the couch and sit, staring out at the ocean as you sip your drink. You watch the waves as they kiss the rocky shoreline, only for a moment before being pulled away again, but knowing it will be a short time before they return once more. A hopeful sentiment that was so applicable to you. You began to wonder if Josh was right. Would she return to you? Would she come back?

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. Leaning over you pulled the shiny black device into view, knowing it was probably just the group chat, but to your surprise it wasn’t.

LD

2:57pm: Is he right?

Oh god, she is still tearing herself up.

You

2:58pm: No, not this time.

You want to say more, but you don’t. You were shocked she even messaged you to begin with. You scrolled up, looking at the messages you sent her or the last few weeks, all read but never responded to. You didn’t expect her to, but you still hoped. A few minutes pass, your knee anxiously bouncing as you wait to see if she will message you again.

LD

3:01pm:​​ Thank you for saying what you did.

You

3:02pm: It’s true, you know. You are doing a good job. I’m proud of you. 

LD

3:05pm: Thanks…I needed that. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you too. 

Your heart leaps in your chest. She is proud of you. Just as you go to reply, a text comes across the screen in the group chat.

LD

3:10pm: Change of plans…Driver will be here in 20. Sorry for the confusion, we are back on schedule. See you in the lobby.

—

Anxiety swirls in your chest as you ride the elevator down. The line of communication had been reopened, you were making progress. You were nervous to see her after your text exchange just minutes ago, but as the doors opened to the lobby, it wasn’t her that you saw, it was Josh talking to Summer.

You walked past them, nodding your head as a hello, and pulling your phone from your pocket. You hadn’t spoken to Summer about what happened, unsure what to say in the moment without blowing up on her. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know what she was doing when it happened. As far as you knew she had no idea about you and Y/N, and you planned to keep it that way. But what you didn’t want was for Y/N to step off the elevator and see you talking to her. You made your way over to a couch and began to scroll through Instagram.

A few minutes later, Sam and Daniel join you on the couch making small talk while mindlessly scrolling on their own phones. Y/N was the last one down, her cheeks still slightly swollen from the remnants of her inevitable break down when she got back to her room. A pang shot through your chest at the thought, followed closely by anger knowing that Josh caused it. You swallowed back your emotions as she made her way over to the group, sending her a soft smile as she approached. 

“Have everything you need?” she asks the group. Summer and Josh, walking over to join you.

You all stand to meet her, grabbing your cases and heading over towards the door. She buries her face in her iPad, checking the schedule as you walk behind her before climbing into the van.

—

After a short ride, you’re walking through the door at the venue, depositing your guitar with your tech, making sure he has ample time to do his job before you need it, then returning back to the group.

You watch as inconspicuously as possible as Y/N goes over details with the venue staff, signing paperwork, and discussing timelines. You won't soundcheck until tomorrow morning, but the venue requested you be present during the stage set up. So here you sat, watching as the stage you so loved grew on the once empty platform. 

After about an hour, the stage was built and the crew was adding the finishing touches. Josh approached you and Daniel talking on the side of the stage, “Should we go eat? You guys hungry?” he asked.

“I’m always hungry. Where do you want to go? What’s around here?” Daniel replies.

“Ask Sam, he always knows a place.” You suggest. Josh nods and goes to find Sam in search of a restaurant. 

“You think he’s gonna apologize?” Danny asks.

“He needs to. I think he hurt her feelings pretty bad.” you reply.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“She texted me, after we all got into our rooms. I couldn’t believe it honestly. Asked me if he was right.” you say.

“Damn, he got to her.” he says.

“Think so. I think he knows he fucked up too. Hasn’t talked to her since.” you say shoving your hands into your pockets. 

Daniel nods his head, “You know how he is…I’m sure he will. He just has to find the right arrangement of words.”

—

Sam did in fact have a restaurant in mind, only two blocks away from the hotel. A swanky little seafood restaurant that overlooked Port Jefferson. Leave it to Sam to find the most expensive oysters in Connecticut. 

The van dropped you off outside, and you all scurried inside the large glass doors. You rode the elevator up to the top floor of the building, all of you huddled into the small space. When the doors opened you stepped out into the large waiting area that held the hostess stand.  Y/N stepped up, giving the girl the name on the reservation she was miraculously able to book at the last minute. 

You don't know how Josh could ever justify saying the things he did when she was able do things like this. The hostess led you to a large table littered with candles and polished glasses that shone in the flicker of the candle light. Everyone chose a seat, and for once you sat as far away from Josh as you could. Y/N clearly had the same idea, taking the seat between you and Sam. 

You all began flipping through the menus over small talk, looking over the extensive drink menu and discussing the options. As your eyes scanned over the list you decided you wanted to take it easy tonight. Maybe prove to yourself that you could handle your emotions without the help of hard liquor. So you decided to stick to wine, ordering a glass of Chardonnay, but not without ridicule from Sam. 

As the waiter brought out everyone's drinks you began to sip the crisp white, a perfect pairing with the overpriced oysters sitting on the table. You tried not to stare as you watched Y/N tip the oyster shell to her lips, the action sending a jolt straight to your groin. Your eyes traveled down her neck, watching as she swallowed before taking in the rest of her. Her burgundy dress held her curves just right, her hair hanging in waves around her shoulders. She was so pretty. She always was. 

Sam turns to look at you, catching you in the act as you study her. Your guilty eyes flick up to his, and you watch a sly grin cross his face. “Jake, did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?” he says, sending you a wink.

The fuck? Did she see that?

“Are you going to tell me that every time we eat oysters, Sammy?” you ask.

“No, I’ve just never seen them in action before.” he quips.

Your jaw clenches and you grab your wine taking a long swig, hoping the redness of your cheeks is concealed by the glass. As you return it to the table, Sam sparks a new conversation with her, pulling her attention from his comments as he raises an eyebrow in victory. He wins this round. 

After a delicious meal and a few glasses of wine, you felt the anxiety in your chest start to wither away. Everyone was laughing and talking freely now, as if the incident in the lobby hadn’t even happened. Y/N and Sam were giggling with each other, and you were just happy to hear her laugh again. She had her fair share of alcohol tonight, a French 75 being her drink of choice for the evening. Her cheeks were flushed and her guard was lowered, the quiet and collected facade she typically wore had dissipated.

When the waiter came by to ask if the group wanted another round, she declined, stating that she probably had too much already, laughing as she said it. 

“Just have one more! Come on, we’re all getting another, right Jake?” Sam asked..

You could see her thinking about it, the way the little crease in her brow appeared as she debated with herself. She looked over to Josh, his own cheeks red as he animatedly spoke to Summer. Then she turned to you, to hear your response, her eyes twinkling in the candle light. With a gentle smile you leaned in to whisper, “You should get another, you earned it. I’m not drinking anymore, but don’t tell Sam.”

You saw her nose crinkle with a smile as she nodded her head. “Okay, one more, but that’s it.” and with that the waiter was off the fetch another round.

“You two are a bad influence…” she laughed.

“But we’re your favorite bad influences…” Sam presses. 

Her eyes flick to yours, “More than you know…” 

A giggle left your chest, you knew she was done for and her drink hadn’t even come yet. 

—

One more drink turned into two more, and you watched as her, Sam, and Daniel were instantly transported back to high school, reliving the old days and laughing at the memories shared. 

One story in particular caught your interest, you adding your own anecdotes, sending all of them into a fit of laughter. You hadn’t seen them all laugh that hard in years. As the laughter started to die down, Sam and Daniel started a new conversation as Y/N turned to face you. You knew she was drunk, you could see it in her eyes. Glassy and bloodshot, a permanent smile on her face, making way for the barely there dimple in her left cheek. One of your favorite things about her. 

“Just one more, huh?” you ask jokingly, as she puts down the empty glass.

She huffs as she slaps your leg playfully. But she doesn’t remove it right away. It stays there sliding down to reach just above your knee, causing you to stiffen in your chair. 

“I’m fine…I’m not even that drunk…” she slurs, a soft giggle leaving her chest.

“Mmm, I beg to differ darlin’, you’re in rare form.” you reply, feeling her grip on your knee tighten.

“I…didn’tmeanto…” she says, almost as one word.

You slide your hand down to meet hers resting on your thigh, feeling her fingers against yours. “I know, it’s okay. I don’t think anyone else has noticed.” you say, squeezing her hand before pulling it away. You see her brow furrow at the loss of contact as she pulls her own hand away. 

A few minutes later, Daniel stands up from the table and makes the first move to head back to the hotel, “Let’s go, I’m ready to go to bed.” he laughs.

The rest of you agree and stand to meet him, but as you are pushing in your chair you notice Y/N, silently struggling to find her balance. The drinks definitely got her, but she was trying to play it cool.

Finding her footing, you all made your way to the elevator and down to the main lobby of the building. The hotel was only about two blocks away, and it was a nice night so you all decided to walk, instead of calling an Uber, knowing a walk would sober you up anyways. 

You let everyone walk in front of you, feeling like you could keep a better eye on them from there, watching as Josh and Daniel chatted, Summer played on her phone, and Sam and Y/N tried to have a conversation. You smirked at her trying to walk normally in her heels, knowing it was taking every ounce of effort she had. 

She turned back to look for you, smiling as your eyes met before turning back around. Sam whispered in her ear before running to catch up with Josh and Daniel, leaving Y/N to hobble along by herself. 

You picked up your pace a little, now only a few steps behind her, taking in the smell of her perfume floating behind her as she walked. As you drew closer to the hotel, you pulled your phone from your pocket to scroll through your notifications. As usual, there was nothing important, so you returned it back to your pocket. As your eyes glanced up, you saw Y/N misstep, and start to fall forwards. You lunged forward grabbing her arm, and holding her steady. She spun to look at you, shocked that you caught her. 

“Been walking long?” you joke with a playful smirk.

She just giggles and turns to keep moving, but as you release your grip on her arm you feel her hand slide down and brush yours, before grabbing it completely. Thinking she may just need you for balance you let her take it, secretly reveling in intimacy of the act. The hotel was in your sights, and you found yourself wishing the walk was longer. You’ve touched her more today than you had in years. 

Her fingers moved to intertwine with yours causing your breath to hitch in your throat. You could feel the pang in your chest as her thumb slid across your wrist. She turned to look at you as it happened, her eyes heavy and a beautiful flush of pink still across her cheeks. You continued to walk hand in hand, feeling her legs try to carry her in all different directions.  

As you approached the front door of the lobby, you begrudgingly released her hand, grabbing the door from Sam, and ushering her inside with your left hand placed gently to her back. You let go of her as she walked to the elevator, and it becoming very clear to you just how drunk she was. 

Stepping inside, you pressed the button for floor six, before turning to her, “What floor are you?”

She just stares at you, and you can see her mind trying to process the words you’re saying. 

“Do you have your room key?” you ask.

“Yesssss.” she answers, digging into her purse. She pulls it out, and thankfully it is still in the paper wrapper with her room number written on it. “Oh, you’re the same as me.”

The elevator begins to move and you lean backwards onto the railing with a sigh. 

“You good?” Sam whispers, looking at her, before flicking his eyes to you. 

“I’m fine, she is not.” you laugh.

“I haven’t seen her this drunk in…years.” he replies.

“I think we have Josh to thank for that.” you say sending him a look.

“Want me to take her to her room?” he asks.

“Ahhh, we’re on the same floor, I’ll do it…” you answer. “Also, that oyster comment? Fuck off…”

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders as the elevator stopped at his floor, and he was walking out with a laugh.

As the elevator continues to climb it reaches floor six and the doors spring open. You step off, and motion your head for her to follow you. She turns to the group and gives them a hearty ‘goodnight’ as you laugh and shake your head.

The doors shut and you begin to walk her down the hallway to her room. You tap her keycard to her door and you can feel her eyes burning into the side of your head. You glance over at her as you hear the door unlock, and just by looking at her you can tell her mind is hazy and uninhibited. 

You push the door open, and she steps inside. You briefly wonder if you should just shut the door and go back to your room, but after what happened with Josh today, you decide to make sure her alarm is set, just in case. 

You let the door close behind you as you step over the threshold and into her room. It’s the same set up as yours, just reversed with a smaller bed. Her things are scattered everywhere, paperwork, and the like. You really had no idea how much went on behind the scenes. You just showed up when you were told. 

She threw her purse onto the dresser, and you took the initiative to step into the bathroom, and quickly look through her makeup bag to see if she had any ibuprofen. Pushing around the brushes and sparkly things you found a bottle at the very bottom. Bingo. You twisted the lid, and poured out 4 small red pills before putting the bottle back into the bag and stepping back out. 

She had positioned herself on the end of the bed, fiddling with the straps of her shoes. You walked over to the mini bar, grabbing a bottle of water and placing it and the pills on the bedside table. 

“Jake?” she says looking up at you.

“Mhmm?” you reply.

“I think I drank too much...” she admits.

You let out a small laugh and smile back at her, “I know you did, love. It’s okay, just get in bed.”

She lets out a groan as she continues to struggle with her shoes, throwing herself back onto the fluffy mattress. 

You nervously sit on the couch across from her, and hold your hand out, “Here.” you say, gesturing to her shoe.

She leans up on her elbows, eyes heavy and dark. She lifts her foot up to your hand, and you unbuckle the first shoe with ease, tossing it across the room and resting her foot on the floor. She lifts her other foot placing it in your hand and you remove the second shoe, tossing it to meet the other, giving her foot a slight squeeze as you release it. 

“Where’s your phone?” you ask.

“Mmm’bag… over there…” she says, pointing to the dresser. 

You stand up and walk over to it, lifting the flap to search for it. How do women find anything in here?

You feel it, and pull it out, seeing that it’s completely dead. “Charger?” you ask.

“Mmmmmm suitcase!” she giggles. She thinks this is funny…

With her phone in hand you walk over to her suitcase and search through it until you see the long white cord. Seeing a t-shirt you grab it too and stand up. You raise your eyebrows at her, tossing the shirt in her direction, landing on her stomach. 

“You go change, I’m gonna plug this in and set your alarm, then I am leaving. You need to sleep.” you say.

“Don’t wanna change… gonna sleep in this…” she slurs. 

“Y/N…” you warn, sending her a stern look.

She pushes herself up off of the bed, with the t-shirt in tow, “Ughhh you’re so… bossy. You know? Bossy…Actually…Actually, you’re not the boss of me…” she continues, stomping off to the bathroom.

She returned way too soon, walking toward you, barefoot and still clad in her dress. She held hazy eye contact as she slowly approached you, and you felt your heartbeat run wild. She turned around slowly, whispering over her shoulder, “Can you undo me?” 

The heartbeat that was running wild now felt different, as every drop of blood you had in your veins traveled straight to your dick. You felt dizzy at the sound of her words, wishing you could oblige and undo her in every sense of the word. She definitely still had that effect on you, even after all these years. 

With a rush of adrenaline, you stepped forward, bringing your hand up to push the hair gently over her shoulder exposing her neck and the tiny red zipper. As you settle her silky smooth locks over her shoulder, you drag your finger down the back of her neck until it meets the zipper. You grab it between your fingers, beginning to glide it down agonizingly slow. Leaning towards her, you whisper directly into her ear, “Actually sweetheart, I am the boss of you.” 

You watched as goosebumps physically formed on her body, sending a jolt of energy through her. You inhaled deeply and quietly, trying not to let your own visceral reaction at this motion be known. You purposefully pulled it slowly, letting your fingers graze down her spine as you continued its descent until finally you approached the end, not wanting it to be over. 

She spun around quickly, your hand still in the same position balancing on her lower back. As she turned, you left your hand there, bringing you face to face with her. Your eyes met, and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting your eyes fall to her lips, still stained with the prettiest shade of lipstick that she’d chosen for the night.

You wanted so badly to pull her into you, feel her chest rest on yours, bring yourself into her space more than you already were…but instead you released her, and she bounded off back to the bathroom, but not before stopping in the doorway and looking back at you, “Thank you…boss.” she said, sending you a wink and a salute.

When you hear the door shut you let out a giggle, laughing at her drunkenness. And god damn if she wasn’t sexy. You plugged the charger into the wall, and plugged the phone into the charger. You set it on the nightstand next to the water, waiting for it to turn on so you can set her alarm. Is this something you would do for anyone? Absolutely not. But for her… always. Even if things between the two of you were still rocky in the light of day. 

You stood there with your hands in your pockets, just looking around the room as you waited for her to come out. When she finally did it was as if all the air had disappeared from your lungs. You hadn’t fully considered that you only threw her a t-shirt until she came out in just that. 

You forced your eyes to look away from her, instead focusing on the bed, pulling back the sheets for her to climb in. You lift them up as she falls into the bed. Positioning herself to get comfortable. Almost immediately she softens, snuggling her face into the pillow. Her phone comes to life on the nightstand and you look to her, “Are you going to set your alarm, or should I do it?” you ask.

“You.” she answers.

You smirk, picking up her phone to set the alarm, only to be met with a passcode. You sit on the bed in front of her, as you stare at the screen. “What’s your code?” you ask, glancing over to her. 

She forces her eyes open, but only barely, grabbing your hand and turning the phone to face her. She types in the numbers but you feel the phone buzz in your hand, as she groans.

She tries again, but the same thing happens, “Oh forget it, you do it. It’s, two-zero-one-three.” she says and your heart nearly stops.

You type in the numbers with a shaky hand and the screen unlocks granting you access. 

She never changed it, it’s still 2013.

You set her alarm for 7:00am, and wince at the current time. It’s just past midnight and you know you all have a long day tomorrow. You place her phone back on the nightstand and turn to face her. Her eyes are blinking rapidly as she tries to keep them open, sleep threatening to take her at any second.

You stand up and walk across the room, turning off the lights. You return to the side of the bed, and you turn off that lamp too, “I’m leaving okay? There is water here if you need it.” you offer. 

“Jake…” she breathes, voice thick with sleep.

“Yeah baby…” you answer, the word slipping out before you could stop it. Hopefully she didn’t notice. 

“Don’t go yet…Stay…” she says. Fuck. You know this girl. You’ve met her before. That very first night in your bedroom all those years ago. If you couldn’t say no then, how could you possibly say no now?

“Only a few minutes…” you bargain.

You walk back to the edge of the bed, trying to decide where to go. Almost as if she could read your mind she turned to her other side and placed her hand on the opposite side of the bed, “Here.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Y/N...” you say, going against every fiber of your being.

“Just for a minute… please?” she begs.

Your legs carry you over to the other side of the bed as you dodge the objects littering the floor, the room shrouded in darkness. 

You slip off your shoes and in a risky move, lay down on the bed, propping yourself up on your elbow. You can barely see her face in the darkness of the room, the light shining in from the window providing the only illumination. 

You can see her eyes fluttering open and closed as she looks at you, “You look so different now…” she says, her voice soft and drawn out. “But not really that different…it’s a good different.”

You laugh and smile back at her, “Thanks, I think.”

“Yeah… you may be all hot and mysterious now, but you’re still the same here.” she says touching your chest. It was as if you had been shocked, 120 volts running straight through your body.  

“Ahh… I’ve seen better days where that is concerned.” you reply. 

She pulls her hand away and rests it in front of you. You can tell the alcohol is still strong in her bloodstream by how brave she is being. Knowing full well that she would never say these things sober. It’s quiet for a few minutes before she speaks again.

“Jake? Will you…play my song…” she asks, drawing out her words.

You inhale sharply at the request. Her song…Which one? They were all her songs as far as you were concerned.

“Which one, love?” you breathed.

“The flower song. Makes me cry.” she slurs. Of course it's that one. It’s always been that one.

“Mmm I don’t have my guitar darlin’…But if I did…” you pause, “I would play it for you a thousand times.” 

She rolls closer to you, her hand reaching up to touch your face. “You would?” 

“I would.” you answer. You grab her hand from your cheek and ghost her fingers over your lips, as you begin to hum the familiar tune that you’ve pushed from your mind for years. It’s not perfect by any means, you really only know the guitar chords, but for her, it’s enough.  

“One day?” she whispers.

“Yeah baby. One day.” you answer, placing her hand to your chest leaving it there as you pull yours away. You gently roll to your back and place your hands behind your head on the pillow, continuing to hum as her fingers start to trace the plains of your chest. “Close your eyes, beautiful. Time to go to sleep.” you whisper.

You close your own eyes taking in the feeling of her fingertips on your bare skin, silently thanking yourself for choosing not to button your shirts all the way. There was something about her touch that was so addicting, so magnetizing, you couldn’t drag yourself away if you tried. 

After a few minutes her fingers stopped moving, and you knew she was close to falling asleep. You carefully rolled back over to face her, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear as you whispered closely, “I’m gonna go, love. I’ll see you in the morning.” Your hand sliding down to rest at the side of her face. 

She rolled further into your touch, humming at the warmth of your palm, and through a tired breath she whispers into the darkness, “I love you…”

You drop your head pressing your forehead to hers wanting so badly to say it back, but you don’t. You trail your thumb over her cheekbone as your quiet whisper dances across her lips, “Will you still love me in the morning?” 

You wait for a few seconds to see if she is going to answer, but when you feel her long slow breaths fanning over your face, you know she's asleep. You leave the room quietly knowing that tonight, without a doubt, she fell asleep thinking of you.

—

NIGHT ONE

HER POV

Your alarm had been going off for a solid 5 minutes before you even attempted to reach over and silence it, the thumping in your head already making a strong entrance. I really need to change that damn alert tone. 

You sat up slowly, feeling the rushing and swooshing of your hangover begin to consume you. You looked to your night stand, and noticed an unopened bottle of water and 4 ibuprofen sitting by the lamp. Hmm…how did that get there? 

You tried to flip through your memories of the night before, oysters...cocktails…and lots of good conversation with the guys. Sam must have walked you back to your room and left it for you. You made a mental note to thank him later. 

You popped the pills into your mouth and chugged from the plastic bottle, having a little bit of a hard time choking it down. You really must have had one too many. You drug yourself into the shower and rinsed off the smell of gin seeping from your pores, trying your best to piece together the evening. You turned the water on extra hot while you massaged your scalp, adding extra pressure to your temples to try and relieve the ache. 

Right before you got out, you took a deep breath and prepared yourself. You turned the hot water almost all the way off, feeling the temperature shoot to almost ice cold as you stood under the shower head, allowing the cold water to wash over you. You didn’t remember who taught you that trick in college, but it was the best quick-fix to a hangover that you had right now. 

You got dressed for the day, and realized you felt a lot better than you should, given your lack of memory from last night’s escapades. You grabbed the spare room keys, and began knocking on the guys’ doors to get them going for the day. You got to Sam’s door, using your key to open it just slightly and peek your head inside. 

“Rise and shine, sleepy head!” You called into the room. All he did was raise a thumbs-up into the air before rolling around in his sheets. You trusted that he was awake; if there was one thing Sam never did, it was fall back asleep after he was awakened. 

“Hey, thanks for leaving me the water and ibuprofen last night. I really appreciate it.” you said. 

He turned to face you, rubbing his hands over his sleepy eyes, “I didn’t leave you water and pills...Wasn’t me in there.” He said, cracking a knowing, but sleepy smile. 

“What? Stop playing Sam, who else would it have been–” you stopped yourself as soon as you saw Sam cheesing hard back at you from across the room. 

He shrugged his shoulders hard, “Guess you shouldn’t have had that last drink, huh? Miss memory loss.” He laughed. 

You scoffed at him, letting the door slam closed. 

Who brought you back last night? How did you get back last night? No way it was Josh, Danny wouldn’t impose, that only leaves…No. Couldn’t be.

Knocks and yells through the door were next for Danny and Josh. You wholeheartedly hoped Josh wouldn’t open his door to greet you, as you were still feeling indifferent toward him for scolding you during yesterday’s mix-up. 

You really wondered why he had said those things to you, it was so out of character for him. It hurt, badly, and you were embarrassed, but you decided to not let it get to you. You knew you were good at your job. You were great at problem solving and putting out fires, and you were glad you were able to show him that by resolving the issue. You were proud of yourself. Jake was proud of you. 

Last was Jake’s room. You nervously brought your knuckles to the door, rapping on it a few times and listening for any signs of life. Instead of the normal four or five rounds of knocking before finally rustling him from his bedsheets, you were surprised with his bright and cheery face opening the door. 

He was up and showered, still shirtless with a pair of sweats hugging his lower half. His hair was falling in damp strands over his shoulders, and he had his toothbrush hanging from his mouth, and a little bit of toothpaste showing through his lips. He was…radiant.

“Morning!” He perked up. “You look…rested.” He said through a cheeky smile, continuing to brush his teeth. He leaned in his open doorway, crossing his ankles over one another as he took you in. You did the same, unable to form words from the mixture of his morning voice filling your ears, his long locks looking fresh, and his still shower-soaked skin glistening from the sunrise coming through the window behind him. 

You felt a heat rush over your face seeing him this way, something your eyes hadn’t had the pleasure of feasting on in many years. 

You blinked your intrusive thoughts away, “I…could say the same for you. Why are you up so early?” you asked, crossing your arms across your chest, truly questioning his out-of-character motives. 

He began to head back to the bathroom, nodding his head for you to follow him inside. Reluctantly, you followed and let the door close behind you, feeling strange about entering his room. 

You stayed perched in the doorway, not coming any further into the room so as not to cross any invisible boundaries. 

He returned promptly, throwing a t-shirt over his head, “Ahhh, I started waking up a little earlier a few weeks ago. Getting my day started earlier…” He said, stepping into the bathroom to exchange his sweats for jeans. “Somebody told me once that if you didn’t wake up with the sun, you might miss something beautiful. Kinda started to resonate with me lately.”

You couldn’t help but blush, a smile sneaking to your face. You hadn’t talked to Jake this much in ages. And it felt good. Natural even.

“Really? That’s good advice. From your dad?” You asked. 

He began grabbing for his already packed bags, slinging them over his shoulders. 

“No. You told me that.” He said, sending a shockwave through your body. Did you really say that? 

“Oh...I…guess I do kind of remember that now.” You felt like your mouth was full of mush, tongue twisted and trying to reply to his words. 

He simply nodded, then frowned, “Did you…have a good time last night?” He asked, almost sounding a bit shy. 

“Yeah, I really did. It felt good to relax a little. I may have…overdone it though. I don’t remember a damn thing. I’m actually not even sure how we got back.” You admitted, nervously running your hands through your hair. 

You watched as his face fell, a tell-tale sign that it really must have been him who accompanied you to your room last night. 

“You don’t...remember anything? At all?” He pressed. 

“No. Nothing, everything is really fuzzy. But, did you…walk me back to my room?” you asked, feeling weird even saying it out loud. 

He grinned with his lips pursed. “Yeah, I walked you back. You were having a hard time navigating, so...I thought I would... assist.” he said, offering little information. 

“So you walked me back, did you also...leave me the water and medicine?” You pry, trying to make him answer more than you were asking. 

He plopped back down on the bed behind him, suddenly making you realize you were on a time crunch, and shouldn’t be in here. 

He nodded. “Yes. I left you the water and the meds. And helped you change, and get out of your heels. And set your phone alarm. You know you let your phone completely die?” He was laughing through his words, and you felt positively humiliated. 

His words rang through your mind. You didn’t remember him being in your room at all, let alone helping you get changed? Out of your heels? Plugging in your dead phone? Your mind was spinning. 

“Jake, wait. You didn’t have to do all that. Why did you take care of me? I would’ve been fine...” you ramble. 

He leaned back on his arms. “No, I didn’t have to. But I wanted to. It wasn’t a big deal, Y/N, really.” He answered without a care in the world. 

“Okay, but...” you fidgeted with your shirt. “Was I acting...dumb?” You knew how mindless you could get after too many drinks. And unfortunately, Jake was no stranger to that side of you. 

He laughed. “You were a little silly, but nothing out of the ordinary. Sam and I actually said we hadn’t seen you like that in years. It was kind of…nostalgically sweet. Like we were teenagers again.” 

You felt your head rush. Nostalgically sweet? Was he trying to kill you? You felt your face flush. 

“God. Please don’t ever let me get that drunk again. Especially while we’re working.” you begged.

“We weren’t really working. We were eating, and that doesn’t count.” He stood from the bed, readjusting the bags that had fallen from his shoulders. He walked over and stood close, towering over you with a playfully scolding look on his face. “Besides, if I wouldn’t have taken care of you, it would’ve been me banging on your door this morning.”

You couldn’t argue with that. Still, you felt awful. Embarrassed that you had little to no memory of the night, aggravated with yourself for letting your phone die and potentially messing up the entire day again, and humiliated that Jake was the one to take care of you last night. He shouldn’t have had to do that. You decided you’d spend the rest of the day punishing yourself and wallowing in your own sorrow, just to make yourself feel bad enough that you’d never do it again. At least in this capacity. 

“Shit. I just feel so stupid. Let’s just go, we’ve got a big day ahead. And, Jake, thank you. Really. I appreciate it.” you relented, placing your hand on his arm. 

He grinned at you sideways, and took your hand from his arm and brought it to his lips. He brought his eyes to yours, the caramel of his irises still flickering in the morning rays. He smiled and gave your fingers the tiniest peck. 

“You actually already thanked me, love.” He winked, dropping your hand and walking to the door, opening the lever forcefully. 

He held his hand out, offering to follow you out, “Shall we?” 

——

Everyone had successfully made their way downstairs, on time and ready to go. You had contacted the driver, and he was set to arrive in 5 minutes. You took a seat on a chair in the lobby, clicking through emails and updates as usual. You tried not to feel anxious again, and reminded yourself that you did it before, and you could do it again. You also had a new fire lit within you, wanting to prove to Josh that you weren’t as distracted as he thought. 

After a few minutes of checking in with Allison and marking things off your checklist, Sam joined you in the oversized chair, squeezing his way in beside you. 

“Hello, lovely. How’s it going?” He asked quietly, throwing his arm around your shoulders. 

“Oh, so far so good, I guess. Just doing all of the things involved with putting you on stage successfully.” You grinned and gave him an elbow to the ribs. 

You still wondered where the line should be drawn with professionalism with them. They were all overly touchy humans at their core, so it wasn’t lost on them to make physical contact with everyone around them. You just didn’t want any of your constituents getting the wrong idea, though you were sure no one had. 

“You know, we really appreciate you. And you’re really doing a great job. I know it’s only the beginning of the tour, but things have already gone a lot smoother than they have in the past. You really know how to make it happen.” He said confidently. 

“Wow Sammy, thanks. I actually needed that.” you replied. 

“All I’m saying is Josh didn’t mean what he said. I don’t know who pissed him off, but you know him. Take everything he says with a grain of salt. I’m sorry he was shitty. That was so out of line.” He went on. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t there to take up for you. Jake and Daniel told me it wasn’t pretty.” 

“Yeah, it wasn’t the best but. He was partially right. I was a bit...distracted. We’re going to move on from it though, I’m not going to let it ruin the night.” You said, truly feeling better and offering Sam a reassuring smile. 

“That’s my girl.” He said, getting up from the chair. “Hey, before I forget. Remind me later, I need a favor.” He shot finger guns toward you as he backed away and rejoined the rest of the guys. 

A few minutes later, the van pulled up outside, and everyone grabbed their things to load up. Sound check started in just a few hours, and you could feel the same excitement building up as you did last time. You thought to yourself, you have one of the coolest jobs on the planet. And to be sharing it with your best friends? Could you be any luckier?

—-

You were kept busy for most of the morning, running tiny errands and performing menial tasks. Right before noon, you received a radio that the stage was set, and the crew was ready for sound check. You ran to their trailer, hoping to catch them all not preoccupied with something else. 

Luckily they were all doing their normal things, Summer taking photos while Sam and Daniel played around with a hackysack. “Hey guys, time to check sound. Let’s go.” you instructed them. They all stood to follow, and you made your way to the stage. 

“Perfect as always, guys!” Sam shot thumbs up into the air as they approved of everything, and walked toward the stage. You laughed as Sam began to hoot and holler, jumping on Danny’s back and spinning an invisible lasso above his head. Jake followed close behind, shoving Sam off of Danny and running away quickly as the three of them began to tussle. You shook your head in disbelief, always falling in love with their antics. 

You found yourself always looking forward to sound check, knowing you had a few minutes of downtime to collect yourself before the show. Just then, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to see Josh, looking at you sorrowfully, his eyes full of sadness. 

“Hey, think we can sit for a minute?” He said, motioning to the patch of grass below you. 

“Uh, yeah sure. Don’t you need to...get up there, though?” You stammered. 

“Ah, I’ve got a few minutes before they need me. They’re slow as shit anyway.” He took a seat right there in front of the stage, making himself comfortable in the grass. You hesitated, and he patted the spot next to him. You felt anxiety creeping up, knowing what was to come next. 

He huffed a loud exhale through his mouth, and leaned his head back on his shoulder, looking you in the eyes. 

“I fucked up, Y/N. I fucked up badly. I wanted to talk to you about it, because apparently my stupid comments to you have kind of had a ripple effect.” He paused, waiting for a reaction. You held eye contact, waiting for him to go on. 

“You did not deserve what I said to you, none of it is true, it never has been. I don’t know why I said those horrible things. You’re killing it here, and you just started. Do you know how long it’s taken our coordinators to get the hang of things in the past? Weeks, months, even. And you waltzed into this job like you’ve been doing it for years.” he said.

You offered him a small smile, showing him that you were appreciating his apology. 

“I just wanted to apologize, truly. I’m really sorry, Y/N.” He put his hand on his chest. 

You rested on his words for a few beats, hearing the loud strumming of Jake’s guitar ringing out across the amphitheater grounds. You and Josh both looked his way, and Jake shot you a warm smile, one that you were very familiar with. He always smiled like that when he saw Josh happy. 

“Thanks for apologizing. It really tore me up there for a bit, you know I take words to heart.” You replied quietly. “But you were right, Josh. Maybe I needed a little wake-up call. Honestly, it kind of was like a pep talk, in some weird way? I don’t know.” 

“No, it shouldn’t have been like that. I was way out of line, and I made you unhappy. That’s not what I’m here to do.” He paused, watching as Danny tapped around, adjusting everything to be right in his reach. 

“You see, if my brothers are unhappy, then I’m unhappy. And if I’m the one to cause their unhappiness, then it’s even worse for all of us. It’s a conundrum, really. Especially with Jake. I feel his emotions more than I feel my own, most of the time.” He stared off into the distance, eyes glossing over. 

“I guess that’s why I blew up on you. It’s no excuse in the least, but it’s because I felt what he was feeling so intensely. It made me just…mad at you? I suppose? No...mad isn’t the word.” Josh was sputtering over his words, something you’d truly never seen him do. He was always so eloquent and well spoken, but right now, he was struggling. He sat up and crossed his legs, running his hands over his face. 

“What do you mean, Josh?” You weren’t sure where he was going with this. 

He took another deep breath. “I just...I know he’s still in love with you. And I’m willing to bet my life that you still feel the same. I hate watching him like this, feeling him like this. You’ve got him torn up, Y/N. And it’s been worse since we all went home for the Fourth. Then everything with Sophia really just sent him down hill…” he paused again. You let his words sink in. You knew you were hurting Jake, but things were starting to get better. Josh had to know that. 

“I think he and Sam are okay. At first it had him really fucked up. But I think you guys worked that out. I’m just…I’m really trying over here. I feel his agitation and I just… Exploded on you. And you didn’t deserve that. And I’m very sorry. I hope you still love me.” He offered you a smile. “Please don’t quit on us. I almost had a heart attack when you told me to find someone else.” He gripped his chest again, chuckling his hearty laugh. 

You laughed in return. “Thank you for apologizing, Josh. Everything is cool, and of course I still love you. You’re my brother.” You put your arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for a squeeze. “And my boss, but we don’t have to talk about that.” You left your head on his shoulder, and suddenly the guys erupted in cheers and applause from on stage, obviously feeling relieved that you two had resolved things. 

The two of you laughed together, and things immediately felt back to normal. You couldn’t stay upset with Josh if you tried. He stood up, wiping blades of grass from his backside. 

“Hey, wait.” You went on. “What do you mean you’re ‘really trying over here’?”

He grinned and stretched his arms above his head, “Oh, you know. Just playing matchmaker. Do you really think you and Jake keep ending up in the same vicinity by accident? Side by side on airplanes...him walking you back to hotels from restaurants and tucking you into bed at night…I saw you holding hands on the walk back last night. Looked pretty cozy to me. No such thing as a coincidence, love.” He shot you a wink, and was off to join his brothers on stage. 

And it was then you realized that it was because of Josh that Jake found his confidence to place himself beside you again. 

—

The time came around for the show to start, and your anxious feeling rolled around once more. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of this feeling. The rush was addicting, you couldn’t imagine what it felt like for the guys. 

You walked to the front door of the dressing room, knocking on it a few times before entering. Josh was rushing around, drink in hand, Danny was sitting on the couch with Jake showing each other videos, and Sam was laid out in a chair, almost completely undressed, typing madly on his phone. 

“Sam, you know you go on in 15 minutes. Why aren’t you dressed?” You quip, aggravation in your voice. The rest of the guys laughed. 

“Because, Y/N, I put on a pair of pants and a jacket. Tell me how on earth that takes more than literally 14 seconds? I don’t take half an hour to get dressed like my eldest brother, in case you haven’t noticed.” He said, keeping his seat. 

You shut your eyes and bring your fingertips between your eyes, massaging the bridge of your nose. “Will you please just…get dressed? For the love of all that is holy…” 

He stood up, laughing to himself at your expense. He tossed back the rest of his seltzer, and came over to you, kissing your forehead before disappearing toward the dressing room. 

“God, I love getting on your nerves. Time me!” Sam spat from behind the curtain. You couldn’t help but giggle. 

He returned within 30 seconds, failing to beat his own time. Josh had taken this time to pour up their shots, a perfect line of 5 tiny plastic cups overflowing with a cold, clear liquid. 

‘Ten minutes, ten minutes to stage.’ Your radio beeped. You watched as Josh passed out the shots to everyone, this time toasting to the new city and the new fans it would bring them. You tossed back the liquor, and stepped away to watch them huddle close together, speaking quietly to one another before pressing their heads in close. Yeah, it’ll never get old. 

You took in the sight of their outfits, each adorned in something new. You began making a habit out of checking them out before you allowed them to walk out the door, which actually was a good thing, given at least one of them always had something in disarray. 

Danny and Sam gained your approval unscathed, both itching to get out the door for one last drink. 

Josh’s golden jumpsuit was perfect...the green vines and white flower appliques were gorgeous, and looked even better up close. It had tiny rhinestones throughout, and they caught the light with every move he made. He spun and play-curtsied to you when you gave him the go ahead. 

Jake. He walked toward you, holding his arms out to the sides and grinning from ear to ear. “What do you think, love? Will these rags do?” He said in his pirate accent. He’d been drinking whiskey, you could tell. You felt no shame as you raked your eyes from top to bottom, his suit complementary to the colors of Josh’s. Olive green, embellished with white embroidered moths and golden swirls. This might be your absolute favorite outfit yet. 

“You look…” you opened your mouth to finish the sentence, but nothing came out. 

“Ahh, don’t tell me I’ve rendered you speechless, eh love? I haven’t been able to do that in…many years...” he said, bringing his face closer to yours. 

He was so close, that you could feel his whiskey drenched breath on your cheek. Suddenly he had his hand tucked under your coat, resting on your side. He slowly brushed his thumb across your ribs, almost as if he knew exactly where he was going. As he gently grazed the tiny cluster of stars, you knew your suspicion was right. 

“Do you...remember those times? When you...forgot how to speak?” he whispered.

Mother fucker. What the hell was he on tonight? Your face went flush as you tried to bring yourself back to the here and now. 

“I’m not speechless, I’m just…that suit is really gorgeous, Jake.” You finally stammered out. What you really wanted to say was that he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever laid your eyes on, and you weren’t sure how you were going to survive watching him play tonight. In that. 

Your eyes traveled to his necklace resting between his pecs, and seeing his chest this closely again brought back a quick flash of a memory. From last night, when you were too intoxicated to remember hardly anything.

Jake, lying on your bed, with your hand on his bare chest, fingertips grazing along his skin and his lips, tracing his features…and he was, humming?

“Y/N, you ok? You look…deep in thought..” Jake said, snapping you away from the fuzzy memory. 

“Umm, yeah. Yes I’m good.” You replied too quickly. 

You noticed his sleeve was flipped and cuffed at the bottom. Always at least one thing wrong. You reached and grabbed his hand, pulling it up and in between you. His hand was clammy, probably his nerves and adrenaline setting in. But still, the touch of his hand on yours was enough to burn a hole right through your palm. You flipped the cuff, and released his hand to fall. 

He smiled, bringing his hand up to your face to brush a tiny hair from your eyes. “I like it better when you don’t let go of my hand when you reach for it. Feels better there.” 

You gave him a shy smile, unable to disagree. “Probably doesn’t feel as good as your guitar is about to feel in it, though...” You replied, recoiling slightly from his unexpected words. 

He began to hop down the steps, turning back to you. “Nothing feels as good as your hand in mine, darlin’.” He sauntered through the area, leaving you standing in the doorway. He had, indeed, rendered you speechless. 

“Oh!” He turned back around. “You going to be side stage tonight?” He yelled at you from across the lot. 

“Of course!” You waved at him with one finger. “Good luck!” 

He answered you with a one-finger wave back before he disappeared in a rush toward the stage. 

A free feeling suddenly overtook you, the show was starting in less than a minute, your mind should be traveling a million miles a minute right now with work related tasks. But it wasn’t. 

All you could think about was the fact that Jake Kiszka wanted to hold your hand. 

—-

Side stage was a bit crowded with equipment and crew, the stage being a bit smaller compared to the last one. But you didn’t let it stop you from standing behind a case, leaning into it lightly so as not to roll it away. 

The show began just like the others, a pit full of fans screaming and celebrating their time together with their favorite musicians. You kept the setlist in your hand, following along and trying to take in every single little detail that you could commit to memory. You were beginning to get the hang of the songs, and had gotten very good at recognizing them quickly. Of course, their albums were all you’d been listening to for the past few weeks. It had begun to hurt a little less, hearing the recorded versions of the songs, and then watching them play them live. There still were a couple songs, though, you couldn’t quite listen to so easily. 

You watched as Sam worked his side of the crowd, flirting and drinking his little drinks. They absolutely fawned over him as they waved, and he waved back. 

Josh worked the middle like there was nothing to it, being his hilarious and animated self. Danny was so sure of himself, so focused. He never missed a beat, literally, and you found yourself really studying how hard he worked to keep everyone in time so well. 

The fans on Jake’s side seemed to crowd in closer, many of them looking like they were on top of one another. His side of the crowd seemed to move a lot, their hands hardly ever leaving the air. Their faces dropped in awe watching him play. How could you blame them? 

The show was going on great, you only checked your phone for texts a couple of times, and everything was moving along smoothly through the first hour or so. As you watched Jake go insane on his guitar, you thought back to what had just happened in the trailer with him…his whiskey-soaked breath on your skin, his hand burning into your side, the suggestive words he spoke…

You couldn’t help but to flash back to those times when you truly were speechless, tangled up in his sheets, reliving the same body-shattering feeling again and again as often as your bodies would allow. The two of you would disappear for hours on end, both of your phones blowing up with his brothers searching for you. But you couldn’t care less. You were so soaked into each other that you’d go hours without speaking…no words uttered except the sound of him talking you through it, encouraging your every move and letting you know how good you made him feel...how beautiful you looked...and after each and every time, no words were ever able to find your lips. 

You were brought out of your daydream by the sounds of familiar chords. In the middle of your trip down memory lane, Jake had somehow switched to his acoustic. The crowd went insane, cheering louder than they had the whole show. You looked out to them, seeing their faces wild with disbelief. 

You glanced at Josh, who happened to be making sweet eye contact with you, giving you a quick smirk that made you more confused than anything. You continued to listen, the tune sounding more and more familiar as Danny and Sam came in. 

Oh…my god…

There’s no way…

You looked to Jake, who had now turned his head toward you, smiling the same smile he’d given Josh earlier while you sat in the grass. You shook your head in disbelief, confusion written all over your face. 

‘Babe…ain’t no denyin’…’

There is no way. Are they really playing this right now? 

You glanced down to your setlist, not seeing this song on there. You looked back up to the rest of the band, all of them wearing the same facial expression, a smirk that they just couldn’t hide. Your mouth fell open on its own at the realization. 

‘….if you stood yourself and said…’

You watched as Jake carried his guitar over to Josh, singing the lyrics along with him. He brought his eyes to yours between the words, sending you shy grins throughout. 

You felt your guts fall to a million pieces. Tears welled up in your eyes as you processed what was happening. Why are they playing this right now? They haven’t played it in ages.

Jake met your eyes again as he strummed along, looking as beautiful and confident as ever while you stood to the side and fell apart. You had to physically hold on to the case you were standing beside; you felt like the weight of the world might come crashing down around you. 

The memories, the guilt, the pain and sadness and all the happy times rolled into one. There was only one song more important to you than this one...but this one held one heck of a special place. The song he wrote for you years ago. You left before you ever got to hear it fully. They told you it was his siren song to try and find you again night after night…and here it was. Being played while you stood 20 feet away. 

You rushed off stage as the song came to a close. You ran to the bathroom, tears flowing from your eyes, needing a second to collect yourself. What did this mean? Why now? You heard the crowd erupt again as they ended the song, and began the next. He just made that happen for you, and now he’s simply going on with the show while you’re here in the bathroom. He was so much stronger than you could even think about being right now. 

—

JAKE POV

Where did she go? Why was she upset? 

The show wrapped up without any mishaps, and you waved to the fans and threw out your spare picks to the crowd. You tore off across the stage, pulling your guitar over your head and handing it off to your tech. 

Was she crying? 

You paced the makeshift hallways backstage, eyes searching for her in the dark corridors. Suddenly you were stopped by someone, running into them with a thud. 

“Oh my god, sorry Jake! I couldn’t see you...It’s really dark back here.”

Summer. 

“Oh it’s no problem, sorry.” You responded, trying to continue your search. You placed your hand on her arm, moving around her in the narrow hallway. 

“You guys sounded great tonight...” she pressed, grabbing your hand and holding it tightly, essentially pulling you back toward her. You tried to free your hand, but she had a tight grasp. 

“Ah, thanks. Appreciate it. Hey, have you seen Y/N anywhere?” You ask, trying your best to be anywhere but here with her. 

“Uhhh, no I haven’t seen her since before the show. Is there something I can help you with?” She asked, her voice dripping with lust, completely out of context. She still had a tight grip on your hand. 

“No, just her. I need to find her. Can you...let go of my hand, please?” You felt yourself becoming defensive. She obliged, letting your hand go, but not before she pulled herself closer into you, her hands wrapped around your waist. Her hands began to grip your sides, making you feel extremely uncomfortable. 

“I know you still want me, Jake. I knew it the night you invited me to your room. You felt it, too, didn’t you?” She spoke over the still existing lull of the crowd. “I could tell by the way you touched me…the way you kissed me...”

Okay. That’s enough. 

You pulled her hands off of you, pressing them back to her sides with force. 

“Summer, please. Stop it. You need to act professional right now. You are at work. I’m sorry, but I don’t want you. Please, stop doing this. Do you understand me?” You were spitting fire toward her, feeling unease like you never had before. 

She backed away into the shadows, nodding her head with a devious smile. “Sure, ok.” And that was all she said before making her way back to the stage. Thank god. 

You turned the last corner before the dressing rooms, still searching and there she was, right on the other side of the thin wall. 

“Hey, there you are. Why did you run off? Why are you crying?” You walked closer to her, wanting so badly to embrace her and wipe her tears away. But she backed off as soon as you advanced, holding her hands up to guard herself. 

“What’s wrong? Talk to me, Y/N...” you pleaded, hating the distance she was actively putting between you. 

“I– I don’t know, Jake. I’m just…really umm…” she shook her head and wiped the tears that were steadily falling. She huffed a breath. “Why did you play that song? Why tonight? It wasn’t on the set list…” 

You stopped for a second, trying to find the words you were unprepared to speak. “Because, Y/N, it’s still true and I couldn’t go another day without you knowing. I don’t know…I don’t know how else to tell you...” 

“What do you mean it’s still true, Jake? I heard what Summer said just now. She was in your room…you did hook up with her.” she was trying her best to back away from you, pulling herself away toward the dressing room. 

“Wait, baby please, just let me talk to you...” you pleaded, reaching for her hand and pulling her back. 

She quickly pulled her hand from yours, just as you had done with Summer’s moments ago. 

“Don’t…call me that Jake! Please…I–I’m not your baby.” She stood, face blank and upset, staring at you for some type of explanation. 

Here came Josh, rounding the corner still on his high. “Hey, guys! Excellent show, hmm Y/N?” He threw her a wink, not knowing that the added song had absolutely destroyed her. 

You felt like every cell in your body evaporated, tears threatening your own eyes seeing her cry and pull away from you. Again. You weren’t going to let this happen. 

“Hey! Y/N! Come back here, right now. Please. Just fucking listen to me!” You stood in your place, pointing to the ground. The way she never let you explain yourself was starting to get to you, so you let yourself be a little bit stern. “Damnit, just let me talk!” 

She crossed her arms, moving back to you in the corner of the hall, and raising her tear-soaked face to listen. 

Okay. 

“Did you not hear what I said to her just now? I told her I didn’t want her. I am over here searching for you. Not her. Yes I invited her to my room that night, but only because we were both drunk at the hotel bar, and she spilled her drink all over herself. I didn’t want people or the rest of the crew to see her a mess and embarrass herself on a professional level, so we went upstairs and I got her a shirt to change into.” you pause.

“She came back out, and things got a little heavy. We made out a little bit. That’s all, Y/N. I swear to you. You texted me right in the middle of everything, and it set off an alarm in my head. I knew I had messed up, I didn’t want her. I was just…drunk and… I don’t know. I don’t really have any excuses. But I did not sleep with her. We did not hook up. And now, she’s doing, well… You saw. I’m trying my best to make it known that I never want that to happen with her again. That it was a mistake. That she and I are strictly professional, nothing else.” 

You sighed hard after your explanation, feeling good about everything you’d been harboring for a while, and that she finally let you speak. Now it was her turn. 

“I’m sorry Jake. I’m so overwhelmed...I just– I feel so confused. Everything is moving so fast. You played that song tonight…my song, even though things have been so rocky between us lately... Then there is the thing with Sam…and now I feel so guilty about it. How I treated you, what we’ve put you through. You didn’t deserve that, Jake! You’ve been so steadfast. And I’m just making everything more complicated. I hate myself for it.” She relented, looking absolutely exhausted. 

“Don’t ever say that you hate yourself, Y/N. There’s absolutely no reason for that.” you replied. 

“But I do, I’ve fucked up more times than I can count. You don’t deserve that! I’m just feeling so…out of control. I’m sorry.” 

Suddenly her radio beeped, signaling her to come to the stage.

She sighed as she looked up to you, “I’ve gotta go.” 

She paced a few steps, wiping her face and slapping her cheeks, before turning around to you again. “I never thought I’d hear you play that song live.” 

And she was gone…disappearing into the darkness again. 

—

You returned to the hotel, everyone piling out of the vans and toward the main doors, all in search of a drink and some sustenance. You wracked your brain, reeling over what happened with Y/N backstage. She truly must be going through it. She did say she was overwhelmed, maybe you should give her some space. She will come back to you, she knows where to find you. And you weren’t giving up again. Playing the song tonight proved that to her.

You retreated to your room, feeling tired but hopeful. The show was excellent tonight. You decided a night in with some room service was just the ticket. 

HER POV

You plopped down on the big comfy white comforter that laid across the bed of the hotel room, letting the effects of the rush of the evening settle in.

Another show night with no hiccups, killing it. 

Another night crying over Jake and your own feelings, not killing it. 

You rolled over, putting your head in your hands, reiterating everything Jake had said about Summer earlier. You believed him, of course you did. But now you felt guilty, horrible even, for not letting him explain himself earlier. You were embarrassed...he’d insinuated that you never let him talk, and it was true. You based all your judgments on what you saw and heard, and not what the true story was. You were so mad at yourself. The guilt was still so heavy. 

You also hated that he felt like he had to explain his actions to you. He’s a grown man, with his own life, making his own decisions. He quite literally can sleep with whoever he wants, just as you slept with his brother, a lot, knowing all the while that he still loved you. 

You didn’t have regrets, you and Sam were just living your lives how they came at the time. But now, for some reason, it felt heavier than that. 

Jake’s words replayed in your mind.

‘It’s still true…’

Of course it was still true. It was true for the both of you. You grabbed your phone and texted Sam to see if he could talk. 

You

11:47pm: Hey, once you get settled in, down for some company? I may or may not drink a whole bottle of wine tonight.

Keys

11:49pm: Hey there. I’m actually not feeling the best tonight. I think I’m going to hit the sack early. 

You

11:50pm: Aw ok, do you need anything? 

Keys

11:51pm: No no, I’m fine. Talk to you tomorrow

You

11:51pm: Night! 

You knew this was out of character for Sam, especially since he acted completely fine loading up the vans. 

You flipped through the channels on the TV, trying to distract yourself from the inner monologue taking up space in your mind. 

“Ughhh…” you rolled over again to your back, really realizing you did need a drink. 

You hopped up and changed into something comfy and casual, grabbed your purse and a room key, and headed down to the hotel bar. You felt like a few glasses of wine by yourself might be exactly what you needed. 

You entered the double doors, finding Danny’s curly locks sat at the bar, mindlessly watching a baseball game. You took the seat next to him. 

“Hey there, come here often?” You offered, breaking him from his gaze and making him laugh when he realized it was you. 

“Hey girl, what are you doing here?” He said, helping you pull the heavy chair up to the bar with ease. 

“Oh, just figured I’d come sit under some neon. Maybe order some greasy cheese fries and down a bottle of wine. The usual.” You grinned, grabbing the drink menu. 

The bartender came and took your order, and a refill for Danny. 

“You guys sounded phenomenal tonight. Seriously. It’s like each show gets better.” You said, sincerity in your voice. 

“Thank you, that really means a lot.” He held his hand to his belly, just like he always did when he needed grounding. “We try.”

You smiled, taking a large sip of the sweet white moscato you’d opted for. 

“That was quite the little stunt you guys pulled with adding the extra song in, though.” You said quietly, leaning into him. 

“Hey, don’t blame me. That was all Jake’s idea. But, you probably knew that.” He was beaming. 

You sighed. “Yeah, I knew that. I ended up a pile of emotions over it, too. I had to run away to the bathroom before I had a full-on breakdown.” You always felt like you could tell Danny exactly what was on your mind. Even since you were kids. 

“I noticed you ran away. I get it, though. That was a big step for Jake.” He said. 

You milled over his words. A big step. Here came the guilt again. 

“He was super adamant about getting it on the setlist at the last minute.” Danny looked away from the TV and down to meet your eyes. “I’m not gonna lie, I’d almost forgotten how to play it.”

“Why did he do that, Danny?” You asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear it anyway. 

Danny let out a big breath of air from his mouth. “You know how Jake is...he’s not the best with words. I think he wanted to communicate with you the best way he knew how. To play it for you. In front of thousands of people. He doesn’t normally do these things, ya know.”

You felt your heart stop beating. 

“He’s really trying to prove it to you, Y/N. And if him playing that song for you after us not having played it in forever doesn’t prove anything to you, I don’t know what will.” he stated.

You felt the blood rush to your head, realizing that Jake must have confided in Danny a good bit. 

“And I know you’re going to say ‘What about Summer’. Well, I was at the bar with them that night...Jake was already obliterated when he got there. He was in no shape to be having any more. But he did anyway. I’m not defending his actions, but… I know nothing serious happened with them. He probably hardly remembered where his own room was. He wouldn’t do that to you, Y/N. And I know he didn’t.” 

You believed Danny. He had no reason to lie or cover for his friend. 

You say for a few moments letting it sink in. 

“Thanks, Danny. Really. You always make me feel better.” You leaned your head on his shoulder as the bartender brought your food and another round. 

“Share with me?” You asked as the two of you dug in. 

“I guess he…talked to you a little bit then?” You pressed. 

He nodded, spinning his barstool around in little half-circles. “Yeah, he told me a good bit about everything. While you were gone on your trip, mostly. He told me about what happened with Summer and how awful he felt. He was seriously so mad at himself for even putting himself in that situation. Kept saying how much of a mistake he made just being there with her.”

You nodded in understanding. “I have just been feeling so whacked out lately. The guilt is eating me alive, just with Sam and everything. I feel so..conflicted..and I don’t know why. Everything is staring me in the face, isn’t it? I’m being crazy?”

He chuckled. “Mmm..yeah, maybe a little crazy. But. That’s what being in love does to a person.” You felt your insides warm up at his sentiment. 

“He’s not gonna let up, Y/N. I hope you know that. He really meant what he said when he wrote that song.”

—

After one more drink and too many cheese fries, you retreated back to your room, feeling especially exhausted and needing some sleep before tomorrow. You grabbed your phone to set your alarm and check your emails one last time. 

Your finger hovered over the messages button before you clicked it, bringing up your thread with Jake. 

You

1:05am: Thank you for playing that song tonight. It meant way more than you know. I’m so sorry I blew up earlier. See you bright and early…

Jake

1:07am: I’ll play it everyday until you believe it.

You closed out the app, switched off the lamp, and fell into a deep slumber dreaming of dancing in the dark with Jake to a song written just for you. 

NIGHT TWO

JAKE POV

Your eyes open, the light pouring in from the crack in the curtain causes you to squint. Your body is tired, and your hand is stiff. It usually is after a show. That you could always count on. You rolled over seeing the clock read 8:13 am. Not too bad. You’re getting better at this whole waking up early thing. 

You grab your phone from the night stand, swiping away the notifications littering the screen, as you roll from the bed and make your way to the bathroom. You turn on your favorite playlist as you brush your teeth, and after a quick shower you emerge feeling fresh and ready for another long day.

You run your fingers through your hair, brushing out the tangles and letting it dry with its natural wave. You make your way to your suitcase, pulling out a pair of navy color boxers and sliding them over your legs. You continued to dig through your suitcase, starting to pull out clothes as you heard a knock at your door. You knew it was her. You could feel your body pulling you towards her even from behind the door. 

You made your way to the door, twisting the lever and opening it up. God she is stunning. 

“You know what? I’m impressed, two days in a row that I don’t have to drag you out of the bed?” she laughs.

I’d rather you drag me into it.

“I told you, I’m a morning person now. Officially.” you said, raising your eyebrow to her.

You motioned your head to invite her inside, opening the door fully, revealing your unclothed state. 

“Jake!” she said, turning her head away, covering her eyes. She steps in, door latching behind her.

“Don’t get shy on me now. You’ve seen me in less than this…” you taunt.

“Jacob!” she yells.

“What, you know it’s true. There’s nothing to hide. Plus, I need your help.” you say, walking towards your suitcase.

She plants herself on the end of your bed, resting back onto her hands, tossing you an intrigued expression.

“I don’t know what to wear today. I know we have interviews this morning…” you say digging through your suitcase.

“Okay, first, jeans or these pants?” you ask, holding up both.

“Mmm, the pants.” she answers. You slide the pants over your legs, fastening the button before turning back to the suitcase.

You grab two shirts, holding them up to let her see them, “Okay, now, this one? Or….” you switch to the other shirt, “...this one?” you ask, holding them both up now.

“Jake, it doesn’t matter, you look good in anything you wear.” she says, standing up, and walking over to the dresser. She looks through your selection of sunglasses, picking a pair and turning back to face you, “The blue one…with these.” she says holding them out to you.

You slide the shirt over your head, fastening the buttons just enough that it doesn't fall off of you, before reaching to grab the sunglasses from her hand. You slide them into the pocket of your shirt as you step closer to meet her. Your eyes travel down to the gold necklace around her neck. You notice the chain is twisted, exposing the tiny clasp, and without thinking, you bring your hands up to twist it back into the correct place, letting your fingers glide over her collarbones. “But you know your opinion matters the most…” you reply, flicking your eyes up to hers as you remove your hands from her skin. 

You look at the necklace hanging perfectly against her, storing the image away in the back of your mind. “You ready to go?” you ask.

“Are you?” she replies, watching you slide on your shoes.

You toss her a quick smile as you walk over to the dresser grabbing your phone and wallet, shoving them both in your pocket. She walks over to the door, and you make a pit stop in the bathroom, spraying yourself with cologne, before stepping back out to meet her at the door.

As she walks over the threshold she turns to you, “You smell…good.”

You close the hotel room door behind yourself, smirking as you test the lock. “Yeah? It’s still kinda new. Seeing if I like this one.” you answer, walking next to her as you make your way to the elevators. 

“I… think you like it.” she says in a flirty tone, sending you a soft playful smile.

Oh.

You turn to her, and raise your eyebrows, “I think you like it.” you laugh.

“And if I do?” she says, stepping in through the elevator doors.

You step in in front of her, pressing the button for the lobby, before moving to stand at her side. You pull your sunglasses from your pocket, and slide them on your face as you look at her, “Then that’s good enough for me.”

—

Arriving at the venue you head first to check in with your tech, finding him setting the tuning on the acoustic for tonight's show. 

“Hey man, I’m gonna need number 1 in about an hour.” you say, flashing him a thumbs up as you start to walk away.

He nods and continues working as you make your way to the green room to meet up with everyone else. You step in to see Y/N, running over the schedule with Sam, Josh and Daniel making drinks and Summer, working on her computer. You meet Josh and Daniel near the makeshift bar area, and take a look to see what the selections are. 

“Anything good?” you ask.

“Ehh, same old same old.” Daniel answers. 

You grab one of the beers sitting on ice, and pop the tab turning back towards the couch. Summer sees you sit down and turns her attention to you.

“Jake, let’s film a tik tok or something…” she asks.

You turn to face her, “Mmmmmmmm…pass. Not my thing.” you answer.

“Come on, people want to see you, it’s literally every single comment.” she presses.

“Give them Sam, he’s close enough, and he loves to be the center of attention…” you say, before raising your voice loud enough so he could hear you, “Don’t you Sammy?”

“Huh?” he snaps towards you.

“Summer wants you to go film a tik tok with her.” you say gesturing towards her.

“Ohhh! Actually I have a good idea. Hey Daniel…” he yells, trailing off in his own thoughts. You laugh to yourself, as you successfully evade yet another tik tok attempt. 

Summer gets up and walks over to meet Sam and Daniel, walking with them as they step outside, leaving you, Josh and Y/N alone in the room.

Josh finishes making his drink and walks over to you, sipping the drink as he raises his eyebrows to you. You know what he’s asking. You shrug your shoulders and toss him a smirk. He nods and pulls the glass from his lips. “I’m gonna go check with Jenn, about something, I’ll be right back.” he says, making strides towards the door. 

You scoff, knowing he was up to his usual scheming. He had been all weekend. You knew he was supposed to be next to you on that plane yesterday. You even watched as he sweet talked the ticket agent, not fully realizing what he was doing at the time. But it suddenly became clear as you spotted your seat on the plane. You needed to remember to thank him for that. 

As the door shut behind him you saw Y/N’s head snap at the sound. Her eyes shifted to you, and she set her iPad down, to join you on the couch. 

“You have an interview soon.” she said, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch.

You checked the time on your phone, “Mmm in a little bit…”

“Does it ever get old, them asking you the same questions over and over?” she asks, pulling her phone from her pocket.

“Very. It’s been years, you would think they could come up with some original material by now.” you laugh. 

She smiles, “Well, luckily this one is about your guitars, so it shouldn’t be that bad.” she winks.

“Did you just wink at me?” you ask playfully, throwing a pillow at her. 

She picks it up and throws it back at you as she stands up, “Might have. What are you gonna do about it, Kiszka?” she says playfully, grabbing her iPad from the table. 

“Careful darlin’...would hate to have to show you.” you warn playfully. 

She makes her way to the door, opening it up before turning back to you, “Would you?” She smirks.

“Not in the slightest.” you answer.

She shakes her head and lets the door shut behind her. 

—

After an exhausting day of interviews it was finally time to do what you were here for. Grabbing the olive green suit from the rack you locked the door and stripped down. This suit was one of your favorites you designed. You had always wanted a green suit. The moths and moons were Josh’s idea and when you pitched the idea to the designer, she drew it up, and brought it to life. 

You slid the pants over your bare legs, fastening the clasp at your waist, and throwing the jacket over your shoulders. You took your necklace off, putting on the gold one the stylist picked for you. It was nice, but it wasn’t yours. It just didn’t carry that same familiar weight. You slid yours into your coat pocket, for safekeeping. 

Taking a look at yourself in the mirror, you smiled. It was a shame that tonight would be the last time you wear this. Looking again, you rolled the hem of your pants just enough to look out of place, silently smiling to yourself.

You throw back the rest of your whiskey, setting the empty glass on the counter just before opening the door to meet the guys. 

Stepping into the room with the rest of them, you see everyone dressed and ready to go, with only ten minutes until stage. You all take your pre show shots, and huddle up for your pep talk. You’ve never skipped it. Not once since the band came together. It quickly became a ritual, and something you all looked forward to each night. Almost like a promise of a good show.

As you began to make your way out the door one by one, you waited to be the last one, reveling in those few minutes alone with her, aching to feel her touch as she fixed your outfit. Was it crazy to purposely mess up your outfit each night just so that she would fix it? Probably. But you weren’t going to stop if it meant even a minute alone with her. 

You stepped up, waiting to see how long it would take her to find it. You wondered if she knew you were doing it on purpose, or if she really thought you were that unobservant. Her eyes flashed to yours as she looked you over, and then she saw it. 

Sinking down slowly in front of you, she dragged her fingertips down your stomach, the breath suddenly absent from your lungs. Her eyes never left yours as she uncuffed the hem of your pants, smoothing her hand down your leg before standing back up to tug at your lapels. 

“You’re going to have to start getting more creative, Jacob. Two can play this game.” 

“Oh trust me, I’m only thinking of the ways I can see you like that again.” you say, stepping out and down the steps, tossing her a smug grin over your shoulder. 

But then you stop, turning to face her as she’s hot on your heels, stopping abruptly as she collides with you. You reached into your coat pocket, pulling out the silver necklace, “Hold on to this for me?” you ask, placing it around her neck, watching as it slipped through the neck of her shirt, falling right down the center of her chest.

Fuck.

You send her a wink, and turn to head towards the stage before she can respond. Trying to conceal the boner threatening to pop, you push her from your mind and focus on the set. You grab your guitar from your tech and wait on the steps for your cue. 

“You look flushed, Jacob.” Josh grins. 

“Whiskey.” you reply through clenched teeth. 

“I’m sure…” he says with a shake of his head. He pushes his monitors into his ears, prompting you to do the same just as you step on to the stage. The crowd is just as large as the previous night, even a few familiar faces in the crowd. 

Situating your guitar on your hips you plug into your pick up and grab a pick from the amp. The crowd is so loud you can hear the muffled screams through the noise canceling feature of your in-ear. 

Josh begins to talk to the crowd as you make your way to your pedal board, ready to go at his signal. You turn to look at Sam and Danny who are waiting for yours. With a quick look from Josh, you stomp the talk back pedal and look at Daniel. 

The amps roar to life with the music being pumped through them, the vibrations filling your entire body. No feeling like it.

Josh began to sing as you played along to what was one of your favorite songs on the album. You loved watching the fans as they sang the words along with him. But what you loved even more was when you would make eye contact with one of them, and they would lose their mind. It was funny every time. 

You played well tonight, hitting every note clearly and with intention. You played through the first part of the set with ease, knowing it was only a matter of time until you would get your second chance to play to her. For her. 

Glancing over to the side stage you made eye contact with your tech who motioned to you that the switch was next. When the song ended, he ran out with the acoustic and a stool, taking the electric for a quick tune up. 

Plugging in, you situate yourself on the stool, and look over to Josh as you begin to strum out the chords. You look out to the crowd to watch them all realize what you’re playing, and scream with excitement. Rightfully so. 

Listening to Josh sing out the words of feelings long ago, you look to the side stage, hoping for that special moment with her again, but to your surprise she isn’t there. You pull the pick from between your lips, as he reaches the chorus, and with another glance you still don’t see her. 

Where are you?

You scan the crowd, and soundbooth, but still nothing. As the song draws to a close you strum out the final notes, and pray that wherever she was she heard them.

The rest of the set is electric, the crowd absolutely buzzing with excitement. Josh was having one of his best nights vocally, that he had in a while. Everything was going well until the end of When The Curtain Falls, when Sam's bass line dropped out of nowhere. Panic shot across his face as he checked his knobs and fiddled with his pick up. 

With no luck, he looked over to you, as an ‘SOS’ and you tried to distract from the malfunction with an extended solo. You’re sure no one really noticed but the look on Sam’s face was lethal. You watched as his tech ran on stage and grabbed the bass, leaving him to play his bass keys. 

At the very end of the song, the tech ran back out with his bass, and he took back control of his bass line. You knew he hated when things like this would happen, and you were thankful there were only two songs left on the setlist. 

Luckily there were no more problems after that, ending the second night in Bridgeport on a high note. You never wanted to leave the crowd when they were like this. Begging you to stay and play just one more. You wished you could stay, but there always had to come a farewell.

You rushed off the stage, handing your guitar to your tech and running down the stairs. There was a whole sea of people backstage, and you couldn’t see her anywhere. Who are all these fucking people?

Crossing the back of the stage area you see her. Finally. But the conversation she’s having doesn’t look to be a pleasant one. It’s her, Sam and his tech and likely discussing the issue that came about during the set. Sam is talking with his hands, which usually means he is pissed, and you knew now would not be a good time to interject. 

You made your way back to the dressing room, pulling the door open to find Josh and Daniel, already pouring a drink.

“Make it a double.” you laugh.

“Sam pissed?” Daniel asks.

“Definitely, just saw him and Y/N having a chat with Phil. Didn’t look like they were discussing the weather.” you joke.

Josh walks over to you and hands you the drink he’s made you, “Sounded good tonight brother. Had a little pep in your step.” he smiles.

“You know, I was thinking you sounded good tonight too.” you reply.

He breathes in deeply, “Ahhh, something about the salt air…” he says trailing off.

“Okay, if you two are done stroking each other's egos, I think I’m gonna change.” Daniel says.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did we leave you out? You sounded perfect as usual tonight Danny.” you say sarcastically.

“Don’t patronize me asshole, you should be thanking me.” he offers, pulling his shirt over his head, and hanging it on the hanger.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing, nevermind. Go ahead with your ego stroking.” he laughs. 

Hmm. You needed to ask him about that later. 

Seconds later Sam is bursting into the room, a scowl on his face as he throws himself into a chair. 

“Drink?” Daniel asks him.

“How many do we have? Give me all of them!” he snaps.

Daniel tosses him a drink, hearing the lid pop open as he chugs it down.

“What happened?” you asked. 

“Phil said he didn’t know, that it was an anomaly. Everything was working fine. Said maybe there was a kink in the line… Either way, it was bullshit.” he snapped.

“It’s all good man, I don’t think anyone noticed.” you say.

“No. People noticed.” he seethes.

Y/N comes walking through the door seconds later, collecting up items to return to their cases. 

“You know the drill, suits on hangers in the case outside the door. Van will be here in a few, and you’re free to go.” she says, looking around the room.

Everyone tosses her their best acknowledgement, and she turns to walk back out the door. You have half a mind to follow her, but you let her go. You know how much needs to get done before she can enjoy the rest of her night. 

—

After you’re all changed, and the cases are packed you all begin to make your way to the van, walking and talking about the next show next week. Walking across the lot you see Sam step off and answer a phone call. You can hear him trying to talk quietly, but due to his genetics he fails miserably.

As your bags are being loaded into the van you watch as he dials a number making another phone call. He steps behind a tree, leaning into it as he spoke. You couldn’t exactly make out what he was saying but the words, ‘guest’ and ‘Chicago’ were definitely in there somewhere. 

You climbed into the van, leaving empty seats next to you, and pulled your phone from your pocket. When the van was loaded and Y/N wasn’t on it, you decided to send her a text.

You

11:20pm: You coming?

LD: 

11:23pm: No, still wrapping up. Don’t wait on me. I can grab an Uber.

You:

11:24pm: Don’t walk alone. Call me if you need to. I’m serious.

With that the van was pulling away and heading towards the hotel. Part of you wanted to stay. Make sure she got back okay. But it was too late. 

“You guys wanna grab a drink at the bar when we get back?” Daniel asks.

“No, I think I’m going to bed.” Sam answers. 

Bizarre, when has Sam turned down a nightcap? 

“I could do one, then I think I’m gonna hit the sack myself. It’s been a long fucking day.” you answer.

“One. We leave early in the morning.” Josh says.

“Alright. It’s settled.” Daniel agrees. 

—

As you arrived back at the hotel, each of you made your way inside, dropping your bags in your rooms and agreeing to meet down at the bar. Sam stayed true to his word, retiring to his room for the night, and you really began to question if something was wrong with him. 

After a drink at the bar, you all parted ways, returning to your rooms for the night. You checked your phone, but the screen was blank. Damn it’s almost midnight, where is she?

Maybe she was already back. Maybe she didn’t want to call you.

You began to strip down, tossing your clothes into your suitcase as you made your way to the shower. You turned the knob waiting for the water to get hot as you started to pack away your toiletries. 

As you stepped into the steaming hot water you let it relax your tired muscles, again paying attention to the ache setting into your hand, your little daily reminder. You washed away the night, and were ready to sleep off the whiskey swirling through your system. 

You step out of the shower, quickly running the towel over your hair and skin to dry the water dripping down your body. You wrap the towel around your waist until it sits tightly around you, as you brush your fingers through your hair. 

Walking back into the bedroom you approach your suitcase and as you begin to sift through for something clean you hear a knock at the door.

You turn to look towards it, lifting your attention from the suitcase. You situate the towel around your waist as you walk towards the door, wondering which one of the guys it was, and what they wanted.

Twisting the lock on the door you turn the lever, revealing not one of the guys at all. It was her.

You held the door open in surprise, staring at her as she spoke, “Seems I have something that belongs to you.” she smiles.

You furrow your brow, as you motion her inside, letting the door shut behind her. 

“If this is a bad time I can go. I just wanted to give you this.” she says, lifting your necklace over her head. 

“No!” you say, far too quickly. “I mean, it’s not a bad time, I was just getting out of the shower.” you say.

You grab the necklace from her fingers, pulling it over your head, still warm from resting on her skin. The familiar weight, comforting on your neck.

“Thank you…for bringing it back, I know it's late. You could have just given it to me in the morning.” you offer.

“I could have…but.” she shrugged.

You pulled a pair of sweats from your suitcase, stepping into the bathroom, and pulling them on. You returned quickly and positioned yourself at the head of the bed, leaning into the pillows.

“If you’re tired I can let you go to sleep…” she trails off, looking at the floor.

“Hey…” you say, causing her eyes to meet yours. “Come sit.”

She bites her lip and walks to the other side of the bed, placing herself next to you. She lets out a sigh as she rests her back into the pillows.

“You okay? You seem like the one that needs to sleep.” you smirk.

“I’m okay, it’s just been a long day.” she answers. It's quiet for a moment as you watch her eyes flutter closed.

She turns her head to face you, “Jake?” she asks.

You look back at her, “Hmm?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you about Summer.” she says quietly.

You nod your head, accepting her apology, “You know I would never do anything to hurt you right?” you ask.

She blinked slowly a few times, you could tell she was replaying the memory in her head.

“I was scared Jake…I didn’t know how to feel. I thought…” she trailed off, trying to find the words. 

“How could you ever think that anyone would compare to you?” you say.

It’s quiet for a few seconds before she turns to look at you again, “When did you write that song?” she asks.

Your breath catches in your throat as you think back to that memory, stored away in the deepest depths of your brain. You clear your throat and wet your lips as you try to find the words. “Well…” you sigh, “...I wrote that song about three days before you left me. I couldn’t wait to get back and play it for you. I never got to…”

She fidgets with the skin around her fingers as she takes in what you’re saying, staying completely silent. 

“I know…” she whispers, finally. 

“It kind of took on a new meaning after everything…but somehow the words were still...fitting. Like it knew its fate before I did.” you add. “I sang it with Josh at every show.”

“And it’s…still true?” she asks.

You turn your body to face her, “Y/N, it’s more true now than it was even then.”

Her hand reaches for yours, her fingertips grazing your skin as her eyes lock with yours. You grab her hand, lacing her fingers together with yours, that same electric feeling traveling through you, like it always has. 

“It will never not be true.” you whisper. 

“I believe you…” she says, moving towards you in what feels like slow motion, her hand resting into your cheek as she presses her lips to yours. Her lips feel exactly like you remember, warm and soft and just like home.

You released her hand from yours, bringing both of your hands to her face, letting your fingers wind into her hair at her temples. You pulled her towards you, as your lips parted, her eyes flashing open to look into yours. You never thought you’d get to see her like this again. So close, you could see your own eyes reflecting into hers. 

She leans forward pressing her lips to yours again, causing a euphoric explosion of passion to bloom within your chest. She wants you. This was it. You had your girl back. Every second apart from her led to this moment with her now. It wasn’t easy, but goddamn it was worth it.

You slid your tongue across her bottom lip, begging for just a taste of the girl you loved. The girl you thought of day in and day out for years. The one you wrote about. The one you sang about. To finally have her again made you feel like maybe all of the suffering was worth it. 

Her lips parted and her tongue reached out for yours, the tangling of the two together dancing like a moth around a flame. But you were the moth, and she was the flame, and you’d burn for her everytime. 

As the kiss deepened, you rolled her to her back, holding your weight on your arms over her head as you kneeled over her. You pulled away from her, her lips pink and swollen, and her hair laying around her face like a shimmering halo. You took in the sight of her like this, after all these years, so different now, yet somehow you could still see underneath it all, the girl you knew back then. The one who loved you before all of this.

Her hand drifted up your bare torso, and circled around your neck, pulling you towards her, connecting your lips once more and in that moment, every ounce of exhaustion left your body. You would stay here, like this with her, until your body gave out. 

You kissed her, over and over, letting every pent up emotion spill out of you and onto her lips, hoping she could feel how much you loved her. As you pulled away from her once again, you stopped and looked into her eyes dark with want, as you prepared to bare your soul, “Y/N, I lo–” you started, but you were cut off by the sound of her cell phone ringing in her pocket. 

You saw the look on her face change, she sat up suddenly, looking around the room, pulling the phone from her pocket. She flashed the screen to you, and answered the call. As she spoke you gathered that someone in the crew had a problem with their flight, but as usual she handled it perfectly. You really were in awe of her. A few minutes later she hung up the call, and looked at you but her expression had changed. 

You reached your hand towards her face, desperate to touch her again, but her hand caught your wrist, stopping you before you made contact. Her eyes began to fill with tears and her lips started to tremble.

No.

“Jake…” she starts, in a tone all too familiar, chilling you to your core.

“No.” you beg, shaking your head,  “Don’t. Don’t say it Y/N.”

“Jake we can’t…” she says, voice cracking with emotion.

“No, no, no, no, no. We can. Baby, please we can.” you say, holding on to her as she sat in front of you. 

“You can’t call me baby, Jake. We can’t do this. This–This is the exact same thing that happened with Summer. The same thing you turned her down for. I work for you too…We…have to stay professional. This is my job…” she says through choked sobs, tears slipping from her eyes.

“No, this is–this is different! This has nothing to do with work or Summer or any of that. This is me and this is you. Us! Right here! Nothing else.” you say placing your hand around the back of her neck, cupping the side of her face. 

She leans into your hand, tears slipping faster from her eyes. “What about Sam?” she cries.

“Fuck Sam! Sam will understand! He has always known that this is how it would end for you two. Tell me you don’t feel this between us! Tell me you haven’t chased that feeling since the very first time we met! Or, tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop. I’ll leave you alone. You just have to tell me Y/N!” you press.

“I…I don’t know Jake!” she cries. “I want this job! I need this job! We can’t do this while I’m working for you! It makes me no better than Summer, and it makes you a hypocrite!” 

You pull away from her, standing up to pace the room before settling on the wall. “You don’t know?! I think you do know! Don’t tell me you don’t fucking want this. I know you do. You fucking told me Y/N! You don’t remember it but I’ll never forget it!” you yell pointing towards her. “You’re lying to yourself and it’s killing you. It's eating you alive! It’s killing me and it’s killing you.”

“What do you mean I told you?” she asks, standing up from the bed.

“Two nights ago. Do you remember asking me to stay with you after dinner? After I put you in bed? You wanted to hear me play for you? Wanted me to talk to you?” you ask.

She shakes her head, “I don’t. Not much, bits and pieces. I mean, maybe if I think really hard, it’s still so fuzzy Jake… I… don’t remember.”

You scoff, nodding your head, “Yeah. I know. But I fucking remember Y/N. I laid with you as you fell asleep next to me, telling me you loved me. You fucking told me Y/N!”

She pushes past you and walks towards the door, but you stop her, grabbing her waist and twisting her to face you. “I know you meant it. I know this is what you want. Why are you denying yourself Y/N?”

Her eyes are darting around the room, full of tears and refusing to look at you. You can see her battling herself.  

“Look at me.” you plead, but she doesn’t.

“Look at me Y/N!” you scream, lifting your hand, slamming it against the wall, with a loud smack, and as it collides with the sheetrock, you see her cower away from you.

Oh fuck. What have I done?

For someone you knew and loved so deeply, how quickly you had forgotten about her scars. The same ones that caused your own.

You release her immediately and step backwards shaking your head, “Baby…I’m…I’m so sorry. I would never–” you stop yourself, knowing you are only doing more harm. She does her best to control the sob wracking from her chest. Her face is filled with panic, your actions no doubt bringing her back to some of the worst days of her life. How could you?

Her eyes finally meet yours, and you hope she knows that you would never lay a finger on her. You pray she knows how much you love her. You reach your hand out to hers, a few silvery scars still visible on your palms. She blinks away the tears as she places her hand in yours, stepping closer to you. You intertwine your fingers with hers, taking a deep breath as you speak. 

“Y/N…It feels like I’m… drowning. No matter how hard I try to swim towards you, I just keep getting carried further down... All I want is to move forward but it seems like I’m fighting for this by myself. I’ve done nothing but chase you my whole life. You’re it for me, Y/N. You’re my end game. You always have been. But I can’t keep doing this by myself. I need you. I need your help. I’m drowning without you.” you plead. The memory of your dream just a few weeks ago, suddenly finding its meaning. 

She steps into your arms, wrapping herself around your neck. You feel her fingertips as they dig into your skin, holding you tightly to her as if it's the last time she’ll ever have the chance. You wrap your arms tightly around her, breathing her in the way you dreamt of everyday for years. Placing your hand on her head you wind your fingers into her hair, pull her face into your neck, and hold her there as she sobs.

“I’m sorry Jake…” she says, stepping away from you. Your face drops. 

She’s still leaving. It wasn’t enough. You aren’t enough.

As she turns to walk towards the door, you feel your heart plummet into your stomach at the thought of losing her again. She turns to look at you over her shoulder as the tears fall from her red swollen eyes. Twisting the lever on the door, she opens it and hesitates. You walk to meet her there, as she steps into the hallway. 

Through the lump in your throat you manage to speak, “How many times do I have to watch you leave me?”

Your words only make her tears fall harder. She sniffles as she walks down the hallway towards the elevator, and you watch her slip away through the doors. As your chest tightens you feel yourself slipping under the water, telling yourself that you might not make it to the surface this time. 

You realize then, that maybe it wasn’t a dream at all, maybe it was a warning.

—

HER POV

The walk down the hallway was a blur, searching for your room key was nearly impossible…each room and corridor you entered was spinning more quickly than the last. The fluorescent lights were radiating down so brightly that you had to shield your eyes from them. Your head was spinning, the dizziness making you feel physically ill. You were beginning to cry harder than you were in Jake’s room. 

Somehow, at last, you managed to unlock your room door and push yourself inside. Finally able to weep in peace, you fell to your knees on the floor, completely falling apart. The sobs escaping your chest were loud and chopped, and you could hardly open your eyes enough to see around you. The world was shattering, your world was tumbling down a mountainside at 100 miles an hour, plummeting straight for a ledge with nothing but the abyss below it. 

You allowed yourself to cry. To feel the pain you’d been inflicting on yourself for months. You let it envelop you. You let it punish you. You were going to beat yourself up over this. And no one could stop you. 

You had caused your own problem. You had gotten in your own way of finally being with the love of your life. 

You ended up falling asleep right there on the floor, in the fetal position beside the bed. You woke up to find all the lights still on, purse beside you, and all of your clothing still on. You slowly drug yourself up from your humble place of self-loathing, crawling into the bathroom to strip down and prepare yourself for bed. You couldn’t bring yourself to look in the mirror, feeling too ashamed to even look yourself in the eye. 

You found clothes that would do, turned out most of the lights, checked your phone, and fell into bed. You’d been lying on the floor for two hours. 

Your mind began to race again replaying everything...remembering the look on Jake’s face when you left was enough to make you want to lose every memory you ever had. 

You brought your fingers to your lips, gently touching them, wanting to savor the feeling of Jake’s lips on them just a few short hours ago. You peeked your tongue out, tasting him still there. The kiss..It had felt so absolutely right, like nothing else in the world could be more true than you in each others’ arms, finally feeling again what you both had missed so badly. What you both craved. He was your end game, too. You just had a giant road block staring you in the face. 

You knew you’d made the right decision professionally, but at what cost? There was no way you were going to let him make himself out to be hypocritical, and you weren’t going to lose the best job you’ve ever had. Stupid contract technicalities. He could end up getting in trouble, too. Breaking the rules like that was frowned upon, even when it was from his side of the party. How could this work? 

It couldn’t. There was no way around it. 

You decided to text Sam, hoping that he would be awake at this late hour. You even sent double messages, hoping the noise would jar him from his sleep.

You

2:42am: Hey, sorry if I wake you. Can I come over? I really need to talk

You

2:45am: Sam wake up :( 

You

2:50am: Where are you? Are you okay?

You waited…but got nothing in return. Figures. He’s been so distant lately…

You closed your eyes, hoping to find a bit of relief in letting them see nothing but darkness for a while. But in the hilarious, twisted, trickery of your subconscious, all you saw was Jake’s face. 

After a few minutes, your phone buzzed in your hand. 

Thank God, Sammy. You glanced down to find a name that you didn’t expect. 

Jake

2:56am: I meant everything I said tonight. I don’t regret a single word. You can leave or stay, but just know I’ll love you until the day I die. 

Tears welled up again. You thought back to the kiss, how at home you felt in his arms, the passionate glow of attraction you felt deep in your bones for him while your lips danced and your hands explored again for the first time in too many years. How he was going to utter the words you’d been longing to hear for so long, only to be interrupted by the sound of duty calling.

He truly still wanted you, and there was nothing you could do about it.  

——

The next morning, the sun came through the curtains of your hotel room, burning onto your face and eyelids. Normally you would love this feeling, but right now you just wanted to lie in darkness until someone had to physically drag you out of bed. 

You begrudgingly went through the motions of pulling yourself out of bed, to standing in the shower while your limbs performed the necessary tasks to clean yourself. You let your brain tune to autopilot as you chose clothing to suit the day, and you mindlessly gathered all your things together into your suitcase, dreading the day of travel. 

Where the hell is Sam? You need your best friend right now.

You checked your phone reluctantly, truly not even wanting to pick it up for the rest of the day. But to your surprise you had a handful of texts from Sam. 

Keys

7:55am: Hey! Are you okay? I’m sorry I missed your texts

Keys

7:58am: Do you want me to come down? 

Missed Call 

8:00am: Keys

Keys

8:03am: Helllooooo…Y/N? You have me worried…

You immediately hit the button to call him. It only rang once before he picked up. 

“Hey Sammy. Sorry I blew up your phone last night.” You said, exhaustion heavy in your voice. 

“Hey, it’s alright, don’t worry about it. What is wrong? You sound awful…” he asked with concern. 

“I had...a really bad night. Can we talk for a minute?” You asked, suddenly feeling like you were imposing with how little you’d talked in the past couple of days. 

“Yeah, yes. I’m on my way. What’s your room number?” He asked. 

“Actually, I’m already coming down your hallway. See you in a second.” You answered, hanging up the phone. 

He was already standing in his doorway looking for you when you turned the corner, a solemn but cheerful expression on his face. He was in nothing but a pair of shorts, and had his hair back in a messy bun. 

“I already know that look, and it usually involves my brother.” He said as you approached him. He brought you in for a hug. “Did he make you sad, Y/N? Do I need to whoop his ass?” 

You chuckled, feeling a smile hit your face for the first time in hours. He opened the door wider, allowing you to step into his room. 

“First of all, are you okay? You’re not still feeling sick?” You asked. 

He turned toward you with his hands in his pockets, “Uh no, I’m good. Feeling great now, actually.”

The two of you sat in the living area of the hotel room, facing each other on the couch. You huffed, not really knowing where to begin. You wanted to lay everything out on the line for him, tell him what happened last night, and hope that he could give you some sort of direction. But at the same time, you hoped you weren’t about to break his heart. 

“I know that you can probably feel that things are sort of…changing a bit between all of us, and I just want to start out by saying that I don’t want you to be upset with me or him about…you know.” You said, trying to insinuate about the situation between you and him, and you and Jake.

“I know...Y/N. I get it. You don’t have to explain that part. We had that conversation before we started this, remember?” He smiled reassuringly, resting his head on his fist against the back of the couch. “Just good friends.” 

You breathed a sigh of relief, “Ok. Well, to make a really long story short, we kind of had a…moment  last night, finally. Perfect, amazing, everything feeling just like it used to, you know? But we got interrupted by my work phone and I had to take it. It basically set off an alarm in my head that what we were doing was wrong. I work for you guys, he’s my boss. I literally signed a contract saying I wouldn’t do this. I could lose my job over this, Sammy. And he could get in a lot of trouble, too.” you paused.

“So I stopped, we stopped everything. I told him we couldn’t do this. There was no way. He got mad, Sam. Not at me, just… mad at the situation, I think. It was awful. We were both crying and yelling at each other. Right when it felt like everything was going to be okay again.” 

He stared at you, furrowing his brow and tossing your words around in his head. He bit his bottom lip, and finally spoke, “Ok, wait. Let me get this straight.” He sat up on the couch, bringing his hands into the conversation, something he always did when he was trying to get his point across. 

“You and Jake were in love for a hundred years... We all thought it was going to be you guys, forever and always amen, yada yada. You leave us, no contact, no goodbye, no nothing. Then you randomly find us in a brand new city by accident and are already employed by us. On accident! Nevermind all the you and me stuff…” he shook his hands and head at the mention of your relationship. 

“Then, Jake dumps his witchy girlfriend because you’re finally back in his life, you brought him back to his happy place, and he thought he would have a chance again. You guys flirt continuously, he’s finally back to his old self, he’s playing guitar better than I have ever seen him play before…you guys what, almost hook up last night? Get all your feelings out? Speak your truths? And now you still don’t think it will work? Because of a job?” he asks, voice thick with confusion.

You nod your head. “Sam, this is my dream job. The career I’ve always worked toward. I’m happy doing this, it’s where I want to be. But I also want him, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in the world…but I can’t have both. I can’t have my cake and eat it too.”

He stared at you in disbelief, hands still floating questioningly in the air. 

“Y/N, I think you’re thinking about this all wrong…you’re not looking at the bigger picture here.” He smiled, and began to laugh through his words. He spoke like he already had all of the answers, and was confused as to why you didn’t. 

Just then, you heard the vent that had been running in the bathroom switch off, turning your attention to the door. You looked back to Sam, startled with perplexity written in your eyes. 

He dropped his hands, then brought them back up to glide through his hair. He met your eyes, and gave you a knowing smile. 

“Y/N, I know you know someone else is in here...and I think you’re going to be really happy about it.” he says.

You were stunned and confused. Who the hell? Is it another girl? Is this why he’s been so distant?

Just then, the bathroom door opened, revealing a gorgeous little petite thing with wavy brown locks. She smiled shyly as she gave you a tiny wave. 

The room spun in slow motion around you as you finally narrowed in, your mouth dropping at the sight of her face.

“Elle…” 

.

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Part 12

Taglist:

@gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@eyelinerjake@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf

[tbyfandoms]

Invisible String | Austin Butler x Reader

Pairing : austin butler x actress!reader

Word Count: 11.6k

Summary: y/n and austin have known each other for years. each harbors feelings for the other yet they remain clueless to it until an accidental slip up from austin leads to a series of events that reveals just how destined for each other they've always been (requested)

Warnings: mild swearing

Masterlist/Request Form | Ask/Tell/Request

A/N: when i got this request, i knew immediately i had to write it. i adore the thought of soulmates and second chance romance and this request was perfect for that. i loved writing this story full of these two completely missing the signs they’re supposed to be together, and i hope you love reading it just as much. it is dialogue centered, so a lot of explaining and talking is done (hence the word count) and i just wanted to give ya’ll a little warning! Make sure to keep track of who’s saying what. I feel like I’ve structured it in a way that makes it easier, but still. anyways, to the user who requested this, thank you and i hope you like it! :)

psa: i tweaked dates of when certain interviews came out and what happened during them. also kaia and austin aren’t dating in this. all for the sake of the fic, but i just wanted to say something about it in case anyone gets confused!

Fourteen years ago

“So-uh, was that-was that okay?” Austin reaches up and scratches the back of his neck. The blush on his cheeks is evident, even under the grime the makeup artists have piled on his face. The sight makes you giggle, leaving the boy’s cheeks to flush deeper.

“It was more than okay,” you reply, your voice dropping to a whisper. “It was perfect.”

The blonde gives you a lopsided grin and you can’t help but to give one in return, feeling like you’re floating. You and Austin have just finished your final solo scene together for the film Aliens in the Attic. The two of you are love interests; you playing the best friend of the character Bethany, and Austin playing her cousin.

To say the role was a bit of a challenge is an understatement. It’s not that you couldn’t remember your lines or you were suffering from stage fright, it was that you didn’t know how to act around Austin. The moment you got introduced to the boy, you knew you were done for. He was, is, charming and funny and beyond attractive. The two of you are both still teenagers. You’re not sure about him, but for you at least, you haven’t dealt with a whole lot of crushes or relationships yet. So it was a bit difficult to deal with more or less.

It’s like every time you would go to shoot a scene with him, your brain would short circuit and your pulse would jump higher than you thought it could. It didn’t help at all that he was so nice to you and did whatever he could to make you laugh in between takes.

The days leading up to your final scene alone with him—the kissing scene—you were a wreck. Both excitement and nerves coursing through your veins. You figured it was merely a little on the job attraction, of course you'd feel something for the person playing your love interest. You completely ignored the true feelings planting roots in your heart, as was a certain blonde companion.

Lips still tingling with warmth, you try to subtly lift your fingers to them, grazing over the slightly swollen skin. You watch as Austin takes his bottom lip between his teeth, still looking nervous as ever.

It's undeniable—the connection between the two of you. Although you haven't been filming for long, it took practically no time for you and Austin to become close. There was something about him you couldn't get over and he felt the same way about you.

Days and nights were filled with endless laughter and conversations you felt like you couldn't talk about with many other people. He made you feel special, seen. You can't believe it's all over now.

"Hey-" you both speak at the same time, simultaneously realizing you can't bear to let it all end like this.

The two of you laugh; Austin's blue eyes—that noticeably light up every time they spot you—shift to the floor for a second over his awkwardness. No matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to keep his cool around you.

"You first," you say, tilting your head to try and catch his eye again. Looking up from under the curls of his sandy blonde hair, Austin takes a breath before he goes to speak again.

"Would you um-." His voice gives a little and you have to hold back your smile at how nervous and unsure of himself he seems. The thought that maybe he's acting like this over you sends your heart into overdrive. Clearing his throat the boy continues, "Would you want to go-"

"There you guys are! You two lovebirds killed it! For a second I thought it was real!" Ashley comes up to you and Austin, wrapping her arms around you both while she laughs. You swear you couldn't love Ashley Tisdale any more than you already do, but God did she have bad timing.

Your eyes meet Austin's across from the girl and there's evidently something unspoken there between you. Was he going to ask you out? Was this more than just an innocent little crush?

"Thanks, Ash, glad it was believable!" The two of you laugh together, but you can't help the pull towards Austin, to get back to that conversation and find out what his next words were going to be.

Ashley instantly knows something's happened, she was always good with stuff like that. "Did I interrupt something?" She looks between the two of you, trying to grasp what it is she walked in on, but you're not even completely sure what it is.

"No, nothing at all," Austin says, barely looking at you now. You shake off the feeling of the tiny pang in your chest. "I was just gonna see if Y/N wanted to go hit up the snack table one last time, and now that you're here, we can all go together!"

Ashley doesn't believe it for a second, especially with the look on your face, she can tell there's more to the story. While the three of you walk over to the refreshments, Ashley holds herself back from butting in. It's too bad she did and that she's the only one who can see through Austin's lie. If she would’ve said something or if you would've noticed, maybe things would've been different. Maybe it would've been you on his arm a few years later instead of Vanessa Hudgens...

Present day

The memories of that final filming day swarm your mind as you sit with your jaw dropped to the floor while staring at the tv in front of you.

It took ten seconds, ten seconds, for your buried feelings for Austin Butler to come bubbling back to the surface.

And it’s all his fault.

Curse you finally having a night off to sit and watch television, curse James Corden for creating games that make people spill their secrets, and curse Austin Butler for causing your feelings for him you thought you buried long ago to claw their way out again.

He could’ve lied. You’re sure there are tons of guests who have lied on The Late Late Show to get out of embarrassment or scrutiny, and Austin definitely could have. There is no way what he said is true, no way.

But why you? Why say your name out of hundreds of others. When James pressed for who his celebrity crush is, why did your name come up first?

The blush on Austin's face is clear as day, even through the screen. He's fidgety and chuckling as he rubs the back of his neck, the audience 'ooo'ing at his confession. The sight is all too familiar.

Your mind reels over what's happened. You're shocked but you also can't help the tiny feeling of giddiness that's making your stomach flutter. Brushing your hand over your face, you grumble at the warmth of your cheeks.

Damn this man and his affect on you. It's been fourteen years, fourteen, since you've seen him in person, since you've talked practically. And yet he still makes you feel just like you did on that movie set; jumbled, nervous, and smitten.

After filming wrapped on Aliens in the Attic, you got a job offer you couldn't refuse. You moved to a different country to begin filming a show you never thought you'd get even a supporting role in, let alone the lead.

That role set you for life, it was a fan favorite, but it took up practically every aspect of your existence. Sure you were able to come back home to visit family and friends once in a while, but those visits were few and far between. To even think about meeting up with Austin was out of the question. It just wasn’t in the cards as far as you could tell, especially when he was attached at the hip with his girlfriend or off filming his own roles. Even if you could’ve met up with him, the fact you couldn't admit those feelings you had for him would’ve crushed you. You couldn’t bear the weight of keeping those feelings hidden while he fell so deeply in love with another woman.

When your show wrapped, only needing a few seasons to tell the creator's full story, you figured it was back to square one; time to go home and face everything, but that was so far from what happened. That leading role was a once in the lifetime opportunity and it boosted your career to a height you could've only dreamed of. Due to the popularity of the show and your evident acting chops, you were on every casting director's radar from then on.

You booked movies with franchises like Marvel, Godzilla, and even Star Wars. The offers poured in from every angle, and majority of them you graciously accepted. To say you were nonstop busy for years would be an understatement. You barely even had time to think about Austin anymore, and to be honest you wouldn’t allow yourself to anyways.

He never admitted any feelings in the short months you stayed in contact over the phone after Aliens in the Attic wrapped, and even if he did have any, he clearly moved on. You took it as a sign to cut your losses, shake the feeling that he felt the same about you, no matter how much it hurt.

Still, It's crazy to think about how long it's been since you've talked to Austin. The both of you had such a strong bond, one you have yet to find with another. It blows your mind how easy it was to sever something so special.

Breaking you out of your thoughts, your phone starts rattling on the table before you. Picking up the device, there's a name across the top of the screen that you're not totally surprised to see; Ashley Tisdale.

"Ash-" You're cut off immediately, Ashley's voice rapidly spilling from the speakers.

"Y/N! Oh my god, girl, are you seeing this!?" There could be a million things your best friend of over a decade could be talking about, but you know instantly what she's referring to. What else is there, really?

"I have yet to pick my jaw back up off the floor." Ashley laughs and you can practically see her now; standing in her living room, probably holding Jupiter on her hip as she paces back and forth in front of the tv. It's hard to keep her still when she's excited. Ashley that is, not Jupiter.

"So what are you gonna do about it? You’re gonna reach out to him, right?” Your eyes widen instantly at Ashley’s questions, the idea seeming absurd to you.

“What!? No, no way! Ash, you know how long it’s been since I’ve spoken to him! That’s out of the question. There’s no shot I’m gonna call him up and say, ‘Hey saw you on tv saying you had a crush on me! Wanna hook up?�� Absolutely not!” The blonde’s laugh cuts through your phone speakers and the sound makes you smile, even with the present state of disbelief you’re in.

“I mean, it could work! He’s a simple guy,” she teases, and you roll your eyes even though she can’t see you. “In all seriousness, though, this is a big deal. I know Austin and he wouldn’t just say something like that and not mean it, no matter how nervous he was.”

You let that roll around in your head for a second. It makes sense and Ashley would know better than anyone, she is his best friend for God’s sake. But still, it just doesn’t seem right to you, it’s too out of the blue.

In reality, it’s your fear of being hurt again, of once again thinking falsely about how someone—how Austin—feels about you that’s preventing you from letting this be something positive.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just stuck on the fact it’s happening now. Why after all this time? It’s been fourteen years, Ashley.” Your voice is timid and your friend can tell even over the phone that you’re scared, even if you won’t admit it. She decides now is the time to let it all out, if only for your sake. It’s better late than never.

“Y/N/N, I have to tell you something.” The sentence makes your throat go dry. As if anything else could happen tonight. You clear your throat and urge your friend to continue.

“What is it?”

“When we were wrapping Aliens, do you remember when I came up to you and Austin after your final scene together? After your kiss?” Your blood runs cold. As if you hadn’t just been thinking about that memory.

“Yeah, what about it?” You’re confused and anxious. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it is, at least for you. Because it’s not just some guy or just some crush. It’s Austin, the guy you can honestly say now that you were falling in love with all those years ago. The guy who made you laugh and feel special in a way that no one’s ever been able to replicate. To think you missed something, to think maybe there could’ve been a chance, sends you reeling.

“When I walked up to you I could tell I interrupted something. I think the whole time we were filming I knew there was something happening between you both but I never said anything because I didn’t want to make things awkward for you. I knew when Austin asked if we wanted to go get snacks that he was lying. We may not have known each other for that long at that point, but he was so easy to read it was ridiculous he even tried hiding what he really wanted.” You wince at that, but keep quiet. You wish you could’ve been able to read him that easily, maybe things would’ve been different.

“I never asked him about it, but I think it was two years after that when he admitted everything to me on his own. You were off filming your show and Austin and Vanessa were just starting to get serious. We were hanging out like we always do, we had a couple drinks, and were trying to find a movie when suddenly Aliens in the Attic came on! We watched it just for shits and giggles but then the ending came when you guys kiss and I could tell Austin wanted to talk about something. I paused the movie and turned to him and took one look in his eyes and knew I was right about the two of you before he even said anything.

“He liked you, babe. Like really, truly liked you. He didn’t say it but I think it was more like loved you. You should’ve heard the way he talked about you, about what it was like between you both. I asked him about that day, called him out on his lie, and he told me straight up he wanted to ask you out but got too scared. Austin said he wanted to tell you so many times when you would talk on the phone, wanted to try and make it work even though you moved countries, but he just couldn’t admit it. Convinced himself it wouldn’t work. And then I introduced him to Vanessa and things took off from there. He said it was for the best and that he felt good with V.

“After he said all that he tried to play it off, make it seem like his feelings for you were gone, that the past was the past and it just wasn’t meant to be. But I could tell there was still something there. I know he loved her so much, Y/N, but I swear to God after that night I never once saw his eyes shine again like they did when he talked about you.”

Sinking into the couch, you feel as if you’re in some kind of dream space. Nothing quite seems real as you stare at your television and watch as the man of the hour laughs at something James has said, while you try your best to process all that Ashley has revealed.

“Oh my god,” you croak out, your mouth feeling incredibly dry. Mind racing, you can’t quite find the right words to articulate what you’re feeling.

“I know it’s a lot and kind of sounds crazy, but it’s all true. Hell, I don’t even know if Austin remembers it happening, but I’ve never forgotten it. I’m sorry I kept it from you but I figured it was best; Austin was getting serious about Vanessa and you were busy with your show and casually dating at the time. I didn’t want to cause any unnecessary drama or hurt. Ugh, maybe I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve said something that last night of filming!” It’s obvious the girl feels bad about it all, conflicted even. Even in your shocked state, you immediately put a stop to her worries.

“Ash, please don’t blame yourself for anything. Even if you had told me what Austin said or if you had done something when we wrapped, it wouldn’t have changed anything. I still would’ve gotten the show offer and still would’ve moved. Austin and I didn’t deserve to jump into something just for us to be torn apart. Besides, he and Vanessa would’ve crossed paths anyways. It was never going to be him and I. If not Vanessa, Austin would’ve found some other girl. Our lives just didn’t line up back then, that had to be some kind of sign we weren’t meant to be.” Your voice trails off, mind traveling back to those years and how hard it was to keep your closest relationships afloat. You can’t even imagine what it would’ve been like trying to keep a romantic relationship going, especially being separated by an ocean.

There’s a part of your brain that tells you you would’ve tried with Austin despite the obstacles, would’ve done anything to keep him close and not lose contact like you did. You shake it off quickly before it can consume you.

“You’re right about the timing and distance I suppose, but you're wrong about you and Austin not being meant to be.” Ashley pauses for a moment, thinking about her next words. She takes a breath and then, “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be back then, but what if it’s meant to be now.”

Your breath catches in your throat and you do your best to not choke on it. “I don’t know about that. I-It’s been too long. We were just kids back then. I don’t even know who he is anymore. Besides, even if he’s being serious about me being his celebrity crush, that’s all it is. It’s not like he said he’s in love with me.”

Bringing your feet up on the couch, you hug your knees close to your chest, needing some sort of comfort and a way to ground yourself. This past half hour has been one of the craziest of your life, and that’s saying something.

“He may not have said it, but he’s sure shown it.” Ashley goes quiet for a moment, you can hear shuffling and small noises from Jupiter; she must be putting her to bed. The lack of conversation leaves you a moment to ponder what your friend might mean. How has Austin shown he loves you? You haven’t even been in the same room together for over a decade. She must be mistaken.

Before you get a chance to dismiss her claims, the actress chimes in again. “Just hear me out on the things I’m about to tell you, okay? Over these past few years since Austin and Vanessa’s breakup, I’ve noticed certain things that make me believe Austin at least still thinks about you, and I say 'thinks' since I can tell you don’t want to believe it’s love.” There’s a joking edge to her voice and you lightly laugh at the way she’s able to know your thoughts without even being with you in person.

The whole thing seems absurd. You don’t really understand how you got to this point; discussing with your best friend how a man you knew fourteen years ago might still have feelings for you, but here you are. There is a tiny part of you that thinks maybe it isn’t so absurd because maybe, just maybe, you still have feelings for him too.

“Okay,” you decide. “Lay it on me.”

“Alright so I’m just gonna be honest and tell you he hasn’t said anything to me about it upfront, but like I said he’s easier to read than Jupiter’s baby books so I can tell this man is hiding something from me.” The both of you chuckle and you shake your head. This girl truly never misses a beat.

“First of all, he hasn’t dated anyone in three years, Y/N/N. Sure he’s hooked up with one or two girls, but every time I ask if this new girl is the one, he says it’s not gonna work out, that she’s not the one. And when I try to get it out of him who he thinks the one is, he looks at me like a little boy afraid to say he has a crush on a girl at school and then changes the subject.”

“Ashley-“

“Wait! No, okay, I know what you’re gonna say. You’re gonna say ‘that could mean anything, that doesn’t automatically make me the girl he’s talking about’, and that’s what I thought at first too, but then he started asking about you.”

Heat rushes to your face, your chest beginning to tighten as a fluttering feeling takes over your body. He asked about me? You bite your bottom lip and rub your hand over your face, preparing yourself for what Ashley is going to say next.

“It was subtle, I know he thinks he got away with it, but I knew every time he brought you up, it was because he was trying to find out more about you, trying to figure out a way to get close to you again. He was slick about it at first, would ask how you are when a commercial for one of your movies came up, but then he would straight up ask if you would be coming to the parties or hangouts I would have.”

“Oh my God,” you whisper, once again at a loss for any other words as excitement and disbelief course through your veins.

“I don’t know why he didn’t just ask me for your number, he knows I have it. I should’ve just given it to him but I didn’t want to overstep with you, didn’t know if you would want me to. I knew how busy you were and figured you wouldn’t have the time or maybe just wouldn’t want to considering how long it had been since you guys talked. I should’ve just been my normal scheming self and handed it over. To be fair I did try to get you guys together without either of you knowing over these last few years after I realized what he was up to-“

“Ashley!” You shriek, laughter erupting from within you and ringing out across your living room.

“What!? I couldn’t help it! It was clear to me Austin was into you, or at least wanted to reconnect, and I kinda wanted to see what happened! I told you I knew there was something between you guys way back then so I figured you probably felt the same as him. It never worked though because every time he would come to my functions, you couldn’t, and every time you would come, he couldn’t! I for sure thought it would finally happen when we had Juju’s party, but you had to leave to catch your flight right before Austin got there. It’s like you guys kept missing each other.”

Every single one of those instances floods your mind as Ashley says this. To think you guys could’ve been reunited, but something or someone pulled you away from it every time. And Jupiter’s birthday? The fact you missed him by mere minutes. You don’t know whether to take this all as a good or bad sign, clearly Austin wants to be in your life, but the universe seemingly has other plans.

“I don’t even know what to say,” you breathe out. “I mean, that’s crazy, right? It’s like we’re on the same path to each other, but we’re taking different routes, just missing each other every single time.”

"I know you're probably thinking this might be a bad sign, but I don't think it is. You and Austin had a bond that not many people get to have in their lifetime. You don't just forget about something like that. Sure you haven't talked in years, but that doesn't mean you still can't care for each other. Sometimes the universe has a plan that may not always happen when you want it to, but it's there. Like you said, it's like you're on the same path to each other, and maybe it's finally time the two of you are meant to be back together."

Ashley's words hit you hard. On the outside it might look like you and Austin just aren't supposed to cross paths again, but there's no way that could be true, not with all that's happened.

"I can't believe this is actually happening," you say. "All this time I thought I lost him for good, that he never felt the same as me back then." Tilting your head back on your couch, you let out a short, breathy laugh.

"And to think it's all because Austin just had to spill his guts on television." Once again you find yourself laughing with your best friend. To think you met two of the most important and special people in your life on the set of a silly little alien movie is so crazy, but you're glad it happened. You really don't think you'd be where you are today if things had been different, you definitely could say it was fate.

"So what do I do? Damn, I really am gonna have to call him and say 'Hey saw you on tv saying you had a crush on me! Wanna hook up?', aren't I?"

Ashley snorts on the other line and the sound makes you giggle. “Okay honestly, for once I’m gonna go back on what I’ve said. I definitely think this is too much to discuss over a phone call. You two need to be face to face when this happens.”

“I guess start your party planning then because I have no idea how else I’m supposed to meet him in person without having to call him first.”

While you sit on the couch and begin to nibble lightly on your bottom lip as you contemplate, an idea immediately comes to Ashley’s mind, and she knows the second she thinks of it that you’re not gonna like it.

“What if-,“ she hesitates, tossing the idea back and forth in her head, trying to decide if it really is the way to go. She decides it doesn’t hurt to at least suggest it. “What if you talked to him at the Met?”

You blink and then your eyes go wide. The thought of meeting up with Austin at the Met Gala hadn’t even crossed your mind. To be fair you’ve been trying to block it out since you found out you’d both be attending. The prospect of running into him for the first time in fourteen years during one of the biggest nights of the year sort of terrifies you.

“I-I mean I guess I could but-,“ shaking your head, you let out a huff and lean back into the couch.

“I know it’s not ideal, but this is your chance! I know you guys have obligations in the beginning, but the rest of the night is yours! You can find a cozy little corner to chat or whatever…” Ashley giggles and you gasp.

“Ashley, seriously!?” The girl laughs and you just roll your eyes, fighting back a smile.

“I’m sorry! I know this is serious, I’ll stop. But honestly, Y/N, this could work. It’s two weeks away, you have plenty of time to prepare. I know there’s no guarantee of anything happening, but don’t you at least wanna see what happens? This could change everything.” Ashley’s tone is light and supportive, you know she’s rooting for you and Austin, apparently always has been.

You know she’s right, that this could really be it. Maybe the universe really did have a plan for you and Austin all along, sure it wasn’t when you wanted it to happen, but it’s better late than never. There’s only one way to find out.

“Okay,” you reply. “I’ll do it. I’ll talk to Austin at the Met Gala.”

*****

The last two weeks have been…interesting to say the least. When Austin’s interview aired, you thought nothing of it in terms of media and fan attention, surely nothing would come of it. The only ones who would notice and mull it over would be you and Ashley, but boy were you wrong.

For fourteen straight days your socials have been filled with tags, comments, and mentions of you and Austin. All of which include photos or videos of the two of you from your days working on Aliens. There were so many people picking apart everything they could, theorizing, and making absurd assumptions. Majority of the time everything was light hearted and funny, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of how weird it all felt.

While looking at everything and seeing all the comments, it made you feel like you were right back on that set, like you were fourteen years in the past and you couldn’t make your way out. The whole thing made you feel like a teenager again, made you feel like that naive girl who was falling for her costar.

It’s funny how easy it is to slip back into those feelings, how some photos or clips dug up from strangers on the internet can suddenly transport you back to a time you tried hard to forget about and move on from. For the past few days you’ve been fighting with yourself on whether you’re taking that as a good or bad thing, but for now the jury is still out.

It’s almost time now. Any minute your car would pull up to the Met and you’d find yourself climbing those stairs and making your way to the one person who’s taken up space in your mind for two weeks.

Anxiety is definitely starting to rattle your bones and for once it isn’t because of the paparazzi or fans. It’s because of a boy, a man.

Times goes faster than you would’ve liked and suddenly you're stepping out to a swarm of flashing lights and excited screams. Somehow these things calm you, ground you. You choose to ignore the reason for this; the chaos drowns out your thoughts of seeing Austin tonight.

Staff ushers you along as you make your way towards the entrance of the building. Even with the fluid movement of everything, there’s no doubt you’re turning heads, almost forcing everyone to stop what they’re doing in order to get a look at you.

The past few years when it comes to the Met it’s no secret that people have been disappointed in certain looks, disappointed in a clear lack of on-theme fashion. But that’s so far from what’s happening with you tonight.

People would bet money that if Anna Wintour laid eyes on you right now, she would fall to her knees in both gratitude and awe over how on theme and brilliant you look. And that is saying something.

The fact that what you're wearing is even a topic to be discussed leaves you giggling and shaking your head, being a celebrity sure is crazy sometimes.

For a moment, you take a mental step back and really take everything in. It's crazy to you how far you've come, how much things have changed in such a short time. In just over a decade your whole life has been turned around. You've had experiences you've only ever dreamed of and it just keeps getting better. Not a day will ever go by where you aren't thankful for what's happened to you.

Sure, maybe you would've changed some things, taken different paths, or tried a little more with certain people. But at the end of the day all of that led you to where you are now—right here.

Keeping that in mind, you allow yourself to take a breath, to stop obsessing over what may or may not happen with Austin—if you even get a chance to talk to him. Stressing out over what ifs will do nothing good for you, and you know that. Whatever's meant to be, will be. Good or bad—with or without Austin—tonight will happen as it should.

You tilt your head down and close your eyes for a second, smile at the thought if it all, and then proceed to head inside.

*****

As the night goes on, it's clear to you that there's a possibility you really won't speak to Austin this evening. Somehow, you haven't seen him at all. You wouldn't have even known he showed if it wasn't for one of your friends gushing over how great the whole 'Elvis ensemble' looked earlier.

To be fair, you haven't really gotten a chance to even look for the guy. It's like everywhere you turn there's a friend or work colleague pulling you every which way and wanting to talk to you. It warms your heart to be speaking with so many lovely people, but if you wanted to even have a chance at letting something happen between you and Austin tonight, it would have to happen fast. The night may be young, but people would be leaving the museum soon to attend the countless after parties thrown throughout the night.

Who knows, you think, maybe Austin already left...

*****

Unbeknownst to you, Austin had seen you countless times tonight. Each time he caught a glimpse of you he was awestruck, as if he had never seen such a beautiful person before. But it was more than that too, it was the way he would watch as you laughed at something your friend would say, the way you would smile when greeting someone. Austin so desperately wanted to walk over to you—to hear that laugh and to have you smile at him like that. He had missed it so much.

But each time he would gather up the courage, someone would pull him away towards some producer he just had to talk to, or to some chairman he didn't even know existed until tonight, or to just someone who wasn't you.

Austin did his best to not look like a creep as he kept sneaking quick glances at you as often as he could. There was a part of him that hoped maybe you were looking to catch his eye as much as he wanted to catch yours. Every time you'd scan the area—as if you were looking for someone—his pulse would jump. You'd be just about to see him when someone would call your name or pull you away. You were constantly slipping through his fingers, have been for the past fourteen years from what he could gather from Ashley, and he wants that to end now—he needs it to.

"Austin." The blonde nearly jumps out of his seat as he's ripped from his thoughts. He clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck, hoping and praying he didn't just get caught staring at you as you speak to Daisy Edgar-Jones.

It's Priscilla and from the knowing look on her face Austin can tell he's busted. "M'sorry, what did you say?" Austin does his best to look fully invested in the woman sitting beside him, but no amount of fake attentiveness could fool Priscilla Presley.

"I said," Priscilla smiles. "When are you going to stop staring at that girl and go talk to her?"

Austin can feel the heat rising to his face and he tries to collect himself as much as possible in order to not let on to anything. "I-uh, I don't-." He chuckles, not totally sure on how to salvage this.

"Oh c'mon, Austin. You've been looking at her since the moment we got here. I didn't think anything of it, but when Baz was talking to you earlier and all you were doing was looking over his shoulder at her, I could tell something was up."

Austin immediately feels a small sense of shame, "I hadn't realized. M'so sorry, Priscilla. I didn't mean to be disrespectful or anything, especially not to you and Baz-"

Priscilla shakes her head, placing her hand on Austin's arm to let him know she's not trying to reprimand him. "There's nothing to apologize for! Trust me when I tell you it went right over Baz's head. He's so invested in this whole thing and drunk off the champagne he didn't even notice. I'm saying this to you because I want to know why you haven't gone over to her yet. We've just been sitting here for over a half hour, there's nothing stopping you from reaching out to her."

Austin can tell by the look in Priscilla's eyes that she knows something is up. She can tell he cares for the girl and wants to talk to her, she just can't understand why he hasn't already. You don't look at a woman like that and not go up to her.

"I just-I want to it's just-" Austin feels at a loss for words. His eyes flick to you across the room and his heart nearly bursts at the sight. He doesn't understand how he could care for someone so much even after how long it's been since you two have spoken. He's never been able to shake the way you make him feel, even after he fell in love with someone else and buried his feelings for you deep down, they were still always there. You were still always there.

"I know it may not seem like it, but I am hip to what goes on online. She's that girl you worked with a long time ago that everyone's talking about, isn't she?" Priscilla's eyes and smile are warm, inviting. She has this way about her that's always been able to calm Austin. Even when he was nervous as all get out when he met her for the first time, she was able to ease his nerves. Able to make him feel like he had someone to talk to, someone looking out for him.

The actor can feel his shoulders relax, feel some of the tension melt away as he decides there's no better person to open up to about love than Priscilla.

"Yeah, she is," Austin smiles. "If I'm bein' honest with you, I'm pretty sure I've been in love with her since I was seventeen years old. Sure I fell for other people, but I think there's a part of me that's always known no one else has ever, or will ever, make me feel the way she did-does."

There's a sense of relief Austin feels as the words leave his lips. He never thought he'd ever admit that to anyone, especially not out loud, and yet here he is. And if someone were to ask how it feels, he'd say it feels damn good.

"That's a beautiful feeling to have, and to know it as well. Not a lot of people find that person that makes them feel such a way, and they definitely don't always get the chance to have them back in their lives when they do."

Austin reaches out to grab Priscilla's hand and she places her other on top of his, squeezing it lightly. "No, they don't."

There's an unspoken understanding passed between the two. A nod to a past love and the chance a different ending can be written for a present one.

"I may not know a lot about the two of you, but it's clear to me you care a lot for this young woman and you can't let anything hold you back from finally going after her, from telling her how you feel. Love is one of the most important things in a person's life, and you've got to do everything you can to hold it close while you still can."

Austin nods his head, understanding completely what Priscilla is telling him. He knows with all his heart she's right; that he can't let anything or anyone hold him back any longer from the one he truly loves, not even himself.

"Go, Austin. It's obvious there's something destined to happen between you both; timing doesn't align like this for no reason. Now is your chance." Priscilla lets go of Austin's hand and there's a glint in her eyes Austin's only ever seen a few times before, all for the same reason.

As the blonde begins to stand up, he stops for a second. "Thank you, Priscilla, truly."

The woman closes her eyes briefly, nodding her head. Austin smiles once more before turning and walking straight to the person he's wanted to talk to for fourteen years, not stopping for anything.

*****

Taking a final sip of your drink, you stand from your chair. Half your table has cleared out, leaving with excited mumblings of after parties and late night escapades.

Part of you aches to stay longer to try and seek out Austin, but you really have no way to. All of your friends have already gone, the only one left being Daisy, but she wants to leave now too. Sure you could stay on your own, but who would be your cover? You don't really want to go walking around asking if anyone has seen the Elvis star—not with everything that's been going on in the media lately. You'd hate to draw attention to your desire to seek out an old friend and have it spin into something it's not.

"Ready?" Daisy asks from beside you, a light smile on her lips. Nodding, you return her smile before taking one last look around the extravagant room, hoping to catch a flash of familiar sandy hair somewhere.

"Yeah let's-"

Cutting yourself off, your neck nearly snaps at the speed in which you turn it back around. It was only for a second that you saw him, and only out of the corner of your eye, but you would recognize that face anywhere. It's Austin. And he's coming straight towards you.

Daisy notices your sudden change in demeanor instantly and it doesn't take her long to figure out what's happening. She sees the blonde and connects the dots. It's hard for her to contain her smile.

"I'll talk to you later, yeah?" She says, drawing your attention away from the approaching actor. Your eyes widen a little as you turn towards her again. There's no shot she missed your reaction, but you're glad it's Daisy who's caught it and not someone else. You told her a little about what's going on the other day when you were catching up, and you know she'd take everything to her grave if you asked her to.

"Yeah, of course." Reaching out to grasp her hand you whisper, "Thank you."

Daisy squeezes your hand in hers, nodding. "You're welcome and good luck." The girl gives you a knowing look before grabbing her clutch from the table and following the steady stream of people towards the exit.

Even over the constant flow of chatter and light music, you hear when Austin's steps stop behind you. You know that this is it, the moment you turn around everything will change. This could mean nothing, Austin could simply want to exchange pleasantries and catch up, but there's a part of you that knows that's far from what's going to happen.

Turning on your heels, you're met with ocean blue eyes you never thought you'd see in person again, and suddenly your mind is completely numb. All previous thoughts and anxieties are thrown out the window as you get lost in those big blue orbs.

"You look...beautiful," Austin gasps out. The comment leaves your cheeks feeling flushed, but you do your best to not shy away.

"Thank you," You whisper, your voice failing you as you're hit with so many emotions. If you thought seeing those old videos and pictures of you and Austin would be bad, it's got nothing on how you feel with him standing right here in front of you.

It's been over a decade and yet it's as if no time has passed at all. He's the same boy from that movie set all those years ago. Sure he's older, more defined, but he's got those same warm features. That same inviting and comforting aura that drew you to him in the first place.

"How long's it been?" He questions, but you can tell he knows exactly how long it's been. You can see it in his eyes, in the way he looks over your features as if he can't get enough of you, as if he's been waiting ages for this day.

"Fourteen years," you both say at the same time. There's a beat of silence, the weight of that revelation being spoken to each other for the first time hanging in the air.

The way it makes you feel is odd. There's a rush of sadness that passes through you and it passes through Austin as well. It's funny how quickly time flys. How it never really affected you because you had always been so busy. You didn't have time to think about what could've been with Austin, you didn't allow yourself to. You practically built a wall to block out the what ifs and the feelings you knew you had to let go of.

But knowing what you know now—that there could've been a chance and the fact he’s here with you—makes it all come crashing down.

In an instant you find yourself lunging towards the man before you, wrapping your arms tightly around him and falling in an embrace you haven't had in a long time.

To hell with the gossip, you think, let them talk. I missed him.

To anyone else the way Austin holds you so tightly might feel uncomfortable, but for you it's the most comfortable you've felt in a while. You bask in the way his scent and warmth envelops you. It's all so strangely familiar, yet you also had forgotten the way it felt to be wrapped in his arms. You wish with all your heart that you never had to forget in the first place.

"Why did you never reach out to me?" The words leave your lips so fast you surprise yourself. It could be seen as hypocritical asking this of Austin because why didn't you reach out? But the difference is, you always thought Austin never felt anything for you. You were under the impression he found his match and that was the end of it. You felt rejected only to find out there was something there all along. Why didn't he let you know sooner?

Austin takes a breath, sighing into the side of your head. It's obvious he has a lot to share with you, to explain. You want nothing more than to hear all of it and to have everything make sense. You’d sit with him all night if you have to.

Releasing his arms from around you, Austin takes a step back and softly turns you towards your table. He places a hand on the small of your back and leads you to your chair. The both of you sit down and you turn towards Austin to show him he has your full attention.

Unlike just a few moments ago, Austin looks anywhere but at you. He’s nibbling on his bottom lip and contemplating how he’s going to explain himself. There’s definitely a reason for the fact he didn’t try to contact you sooner, why he didn’t make more of an effort to keep in touch, why he didn’t fight for you.

He just doesn’t know how he’s going to explain it to you. Austin’s struggled to admit it to himself for so long, so admitting it to the woman it all has to do with is borderline terrifying for him.

“Aus,” you say, reaching out to give his hand a light squeeze. “It’s okay. You can talk to me, you know that.”

The blonde slowly raises his eyes to yours and sees how genuine your concern is. He can tell that you need this. It breaks his heart knowing how long he’s left you hanging without any explanation as to what he felt. Austin feels like an idiot over the fact you thought he felt nothing for you while the whole time it was the opposite.

All because of my own fears, he thinks, my own insecureties...

Austin shakes his head, essentially shaking off his nerves. He can't let them hold him back anymore. He can't let himself hold him back from going after what he really wants, who he really wants. Austin wants to be honest with you, he needs to.

"Y/N, I never reached out to you because I thought I wasn't good enough for you."

The statement practically knocks you over. Your head jolts back in confusion and your eyes go wide, disbelief clouding your features instantly. "Austin, why in the world would you think that?"

You don't want to diminish the importance and validity of Austin's feelings and fears, but the fact he believed he wasn't good enough for you is beyond mind-boggling.

A small smile tugs at a corner of Austin's lips, realization dawning on him that maybe it was a little silly to feel that way. But it's what he's always felt as soon as you left for your tv show, and he hasn't been able to shake it since.

"I-I don't know. You left the country and I saw how big your career was gettin' and I thought I wouldn't be able to compare, that you could do better, that you could be with someone more on your level. I know it may sound stupid but it's true. I also didn't want to come between your success or hold you back in any way. Trust me that not a day went by after we wrapped on Aliens that I didn't want to do better at stayin' in contact, but I figured with your big break that it was no use. You shouldn't have to choose between trying to make a relationship or your career work. So I just let it go. I let you go when I shouldn't have."

"Austin," your lip trembles as you try to not be consumed by your emotions. The fact he felt like this, no matter if it had even been a little bit, hurts your heart in a way you've never experienced before.

The actor lifts his hand in an effort to try and halt you feeling bad for him. "Sweetheart, please don't get upset over this, okay? It was all on me, I should've done something about it instead of keeping it from you back then. Lettin’ our relationship crumble is the worst thing I've ever done and I'm sorry.

"I thought after a few years that I had gotten over it. As you know I was in a committed relationship and I felt a good balance during it. I thought I had grown and that I could handle the fact my career wasn't at an extreme height compared to my partner's. So when that relationship ended I had a lot of time to reflect and figure out what it was I really wanted. I came back to America after filming Elvis and I swear to God when I stepped off that plane one of the first things I saw was a billboard with you on it for one of your new movies at the time.

"I figured this had to be some sorta sign or somethin'. But the more I kept thinkin' about it and figurin' out how I could reach out to you, the more I started to doubt myself. I felt like I was a teenager again questionin' if I was good enough for you. You were in all these huge films and seen with these other guys who are so much more successful than me, and I didn't know if you would even wanna talk to me considerin' how much time had passed."

Austin takes a breath, feeling like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. It was a lot to admit, but letting you know exactly how he felt all these years is such a relief. He's kicking himself for not doing it sooner, for letting more time pass that he could've spent with you—as a friend at the very least.

He shouldn't have relied on possibly running into you at Ashley's parties, he should've just taken the leap and gotten your number. What's done is done though and there's no going back, but he sure as hell is gonna do everything he can to stay close with you going forward.

“Austin,” you start, feeling very much overwhelmed in both a good and bad way. No matter how you’re feeling though, you won’t allow Austin to think he’s inferior to you or that you wouldn’t want to talk to him because that’s so beyond far from the truth. “Never would I ever not wanna talk to you. If anything you’re one of the only people I’ve wanted to talk to these past few years. I’ve missed you like nobody’s business and I hate the fact you’ve ever felt anything less than equal when it comes to me and my success, and that those feelings forced you to stay away.

“No matter how many movies or shows I do, or what famous people I’m seen with, none of it will ever change the way I feel about you or make me see you in a different light. You’re one of, if not the, most honest and kind people I have ever met. I may not have known you for long way back then, but every single moment we spent together has stuck with me, and the way you treated me and made me feel has never left my mind. No one’s ever been as special to me as you were, Austin—as you are.”

The way Austin's eyes shine with emotion is indescribable. Somehow they get even more blue, a pale color you could get lost in for hours if given the chance. It's clear how impactful your words are on him, so you let him take a moment to just gather his thoughts.

"Y/N, I-I don't even know what to say," he chuckles, rubbing his fingers over his chin. "There aren't really enough words out there to describe how much that means to me, how much you mean to me. Gosh, m’just so sorry I let so much time pass between us and that I let my insecurities get the best of me."

You had begun shaking your head before Austin even finished what he was saying. "Don't be sorry. We both had our own part in everything and I would never hold that to you, especially when it comes to insecurities. I just hope you know how much I appreciate you being honest with me and letting me know everything. It definitely answers a lot of questions I had back then."

Austin nods his head and smiles lightly at you. It's a relief for him to know that helped you in some way. He knows finally letting it out absolutely helped him.

"And hey," you continue, a teasing tone poking through. "There's no way you can still feel like that, Mr. Elvis Presley himself! Like are you kidding me, Aus? That's incredible, I'm so proud of you and how far you've come. You deserve this so much and I know only a little bit has been shared, but I can just tell you're going to be amazing in that film. I can't wait to see it."

Your smile is wide as you watch Austin get shy, his cheeks reddening and his hand immediately rubbing the back of his neck. The sight makes you feel giddy.

"Thank you, Y/N/N. I appreciate that a lot. I really hope you do enjoy it when it comes out." There's a timid tone of pride as Austin says this. It's so surreal for him to think about how this film is actually real, and even more so that people are excited to see it. He's grateful for all the work he's ever done, but this is beyond his wildest dreams, and he can't wait for you to see it.

"You're welcome," you grin. "I'm sure I will."

There's a comforting stillness that surrounds you both for a few moments. The two of you just staring at each other fondly, feeling a fourteen year weight off your shoulders. It's a lot to take in all at once, especially after so much time, but it feels good and as if you're picking up right where you both left off. The questions and doubt you've carried for years finally roll off your back and you feel like you can start fresh with Austin, like things can be different after all.

"So, there's a lot to catch up on, isn't there?" Austin says, a coy smirk playing on the corner of his mouth.

"Yes, there is," you reply, settling more into your chair as you eagerly await the endless stories you know are coming.

"Where should we start?"

You ponder that question for a moment, thinking of where the best place to begin your catch up would be. It doesn't take long for the only correct answer to surface in your mind.

"How about right where we left off?" You suggest.

"Sounds perfect."

*****

You're not sure how much time has passed since you and Austin started reminiscing, but from the state of the gala around you—or at least what's left of it—it's been a while.

In the time you've spent chatting with Austin and getting to know who he is now, you realize just how aligned your lives have always been.

There's this little café in Los Angeles that you always pass by when you're out and about, and they have the best drinks and food you could imagine, so you stop there in the mornings before you start your day. Turns out Austin goes to the same place, except instead of in the morning, he goes at the end of his day right before he goes home.

Another thing was when Austin brought up how he saw your billboard when he got off the plane, it reminded you of how you had the same experience when you got back to LA from filming your tv show. While you were on your way home from the airport you saw a bus with an advertisement for the show he had been on at the time, The Carrie Diaries, and it had made you want to reach out to him as well. Of course you never did, though.

All of these things coming to light had made the two of you laugh so many times throughout your conversation. It was crazy to think about how many times you missed reuniting with each other, either unknowingly or knowingly.

Despite the time lost, you're honestly just grateful to be back in Austin's life now. Maybe him spilling his guts on national television wasn't so bad after all. Without it, you really might never have crossed paths again, even with being at the Met together.

"Austin," someone says off to the side of you. "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but Baz is making his way out and I figured you'd want to say goodbye before he leaves."

The voice is gentle and calm, and when you look up to see who it belongs to you nearly fall out of your seat. Priscilla Presley in the flesh. You have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep your jaw from dropping.

Austin basically startles, suddenly realizing where he is. He got so caught up in listening to your stories and telling his own that he completely forgot he was even at an event.

"Oh absolutely, thank you, Priscilla. I'll be right there, I'll be just a moment."

Priscilla smiles warmly at Austin, and then her gaze quickly shifts to you. You can feel her kindness and compassion without her even having to say anything. She looks back towards Austin and you watch as she reaches up and lightly squeezes his shoulder, a knowing look passing between them.

You wonder what it is she's communicating to him, but something tells you it has everything to do with Austin coming over here to speak with you. The thought makes you feel warm inside.

In an instant, Priscilla's gone and it's just you and Austin once more. You know he has to leave now to say his goodbyes, so you begin to stand up from your chair. Austin does the same.

"She seems amazing," you say, staring in the direction Priscilla set off towards. You catch a glimpse of her as she laughs at something Baz Luhrmann has said.

"Yeah, she's incredible," Austin gushes. "I'll have to introduce you two properly sometime."

There's a shyness in Austin as he awaits your response. He doesn't want to overstep or push you into anything. From what he can tell he thinks you want to be back in his life as much as he wants to be back in yours, but still he doesn't want to just assume that there will even be a next time between you two.

"I'd love that, Aus," you reassure. His blue eyes meet yours and you can see how happy he is. You're sure your eyes show the same.

Austin looks quickly towards his table and knows he doesn't have much time left with you, so he speaks up before any more time can pass between you. "There's somethn' I wanna ask you. It's somethin' I should've asked you about fourteen years ago."

An airy laugh passes your lips and your heart swells at the idea of what the blonde is about to ask, a familiar feeling settling in your bones. You nod your head for him to go on.

Austin leans in, a little flustered but somehow still exuding the utmost confidence. "Would you wanna go out with me sometime?"

There it is. The question you were hoping he'd ask you all those years ago. It sounds even better than you thought it would.

"You have no idea how much I wanted you to ask me that." Austin laughs and the sound practically rattles your body. You'd never get tired of it. "Of course I would."

Austin wastes no time in wrapping his arms around you, bringing you close to his chest and holding you there. Once again you find yourself basking in it, wishing you didn't have to say goodbye already. The fact this won't be the last time you see Austin keeps you happy, though. The fact you have a date with him really seals the deal.

"You ever feel like, I don't know, there's somethin' that ties two people together sometimes? Like they're always gonna be connected, that they were destined for each other or somethin'? Sort of like a-" Austin cuts himself off, trying to think of what it is he's referencing.

"Like an invisible string?" You beam, pulling back to look up at him, knowing precisely what he's getting at.

"Yeah, exactly," he murmurs, staring at you with such adoration you swear you could melt right here.

You lightly squeeze Austin's waist before whispering back to him, "Then yeah, I absolutely do."

*****

It's been a couple weeks since you reunited with Austin at the Met Gala. It had taken a bit of rescheduling and careful planning, but you two were finally able to go on that date, and to say it was one of the best nights of your life would be an understatement.

There was a small part of you that was worried you had exhausted your topics to discuss while at the Met, but the way you and Austin fell into an easy rhythm while going out felt incredible. He made you laugh more times than you could count and just being in his presence again after so long felt like a dream come true. You missed talking to him and feeling a genuine connection with someone.

So, you were ecstatic when he kissed you goodnight. There aren't really words to describe the way it feels to kiss Austin Butler. All you know is that it definitely left you dizzy and wanting more. Needless to say, you can't wait for your next date.

Now, you find yourself in what feels like a full circle moment. Just like Austin was over a month ago, you're sat with James Corden on The Late Late Show. Luckily, you're not playing Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts like Austin had, but you're sure the topic of the two of you will come up soon enough.

The internet was kind of a mess since the Met, even more so than it was before. Word got out that you and Austin had spent the night talking—with a few added assumptions—and it hasn't been the same since. When you got papped while out on your date, that's when it got even worse. It was all so crazy, but all you two really cared about at the end of the day was that you were finally together.

"So, Y/N, I have to ask," James turns the questions to you now instead of your fellow special guest. "There are a few rumors flying about you and a certain blonde heartthrob—care to comment?"

Scattered 'oh's and 'ah's make their way across the audience and your heartbeat picks up a little at the sound. You knew this was coming, but it still makes you feel a little nervous. This relationship between you and Austin is fairly new, even if you have known each other for over a decade, but it's special and you'd hate to make it out to be something it's not.

"What would you like to know, James?" You're willing to throw a bone here and there, it's not like you and Austin are keeping your relationship a secret. You'll only dish out a little, but then it's lips sealed, at least for a little while longer.

"Anything, really. I mean is it true you and Austin reconnected at the Met and then proceeded to go out on a date?" James scoots forward in his chair a little, as if not wanting to miss a single thing you say.

You nod your head, that's obvious enough. Not too personal. It takes a quick search of your names over the past few weeks to connect those dots. "Yeah, it's true. The Met was actually the first time we saw each other in person in fourteen years. It was pretty crazy."

James and the audience react accordingly, finding that little tidbit to be fascinating. It kind of is, in a way. "That is pretty crazy! You know when Austin was on the show a while back and he said you were his celebrity crush, I was just so happy. I knew you guys had worked together a long time ago, so the idea of a reconciliation just seemed so cute to me."

"Thank you! Yeah it was great to meet up with him again. We definitely had a lot to catch up on, and I guess I really have you to thank for that considering it was Austin's comment on the show that sort of set everything in motion," you smile.

The host laughs and then grins before pretending to brush off dust on his shoulders. "Well you know they do say I tend to bring out the best in people. It's a gift, matchmaking."

Everyone laughs and James claps his hands together before shaking his head. "No, I'm joking, but really, Y/N, congratulations on everything. I know it's a tricky subject to bring up so I'll leave it at that, but I'm happy for you and wish you all the best."

"Thank you very much, James, I appreciate that." The man smiles at you before a thought appears to dawn on him.

"Okay wait I lied. I have one more question and then I'm done with you, I swear." You bust out laughing, along with everyone else, and shake your head at him.

"Sure, hit me with it," you giggle, interested to know where this is going.

"Y/N,” James pauses, building up the anticipation in the room. “Who is your celebrity crush?"

You don't even hesitate.

"Austin Butler."

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Succubus reader not ashamed of being chill naked at home then her Angel and demon hubbys ari and lloyd see her chilling in the nude tail swaying and shes looks at them"What?"

Yes! Absolutely yes, An🫶n.

I've had time to think about this, and yes Y/N has her usual job like an actual human being, and like a regular human being, she'd have days off or maybe even days when she's on leave. So she can stay in and enjoy her freedom, especially from her overprotective boys, Ari and Lloyd 🤭☕ Since they're at work as well.

During some of these days, she would take the time to pamper herself. Face masks, shape and polish her nails, give her head, hands and feet the spa day they need. And the best part of days like that, is that she can get comfy and relax in her own skin. Shed her human form and enjoy the feeling of being herself, without the restriction of clothing.

She'd be so relaxed that when her boys come home, they're both stopped in their steps by the sight before them...

"Y/N! I'm home! Lloyd hasn't replied to my text, it's his turn to buy dinner. No way am I going to suffer through his extremely spicy tastes a third time." Ari said, walking into the foyer, and heading to the living room.

"Babe, you there? I swear, Y/N if you're ignoring m- Lloyd what the hell are you doing?!" He stopped when he saw that Lloyd was just standing in the middle of the hallway, a bag of takeout in his hand, one millimeter from falling out of his hands.

"Lloyd! What the hell? We need that! We're not supposed to waste food. And what are you doing just standing there?" Ari added, saving the bag, before checking the contents inside.

"Ari, for God's sake look!" Lloyd growled pointing to the scene unfolding in their living room.

Y/N was seated on the couch in the middle of her favorite show, and at the same time was grooming her tail. And she was COMPLETELY NAKED. She slowly looked at the entrance of the living room, and smiled when she saw the men she loved most in the world.

"Hey! You're back, is that dinner? Hope you didn't forget my extra sauce, Lloyd!" She said, pausing her show, getting up from the couch and sashaying her way towards the archangel and demon, her tail playfully sweeping back and forth.

She grabbed the bag from Ari, and skipped into the kitchen. Leaving both men to bend a little in order to get a second glimpse of what they still couldn't believe. They've seen her in some of her most blissed out, happy, even vulnerable moments, but they haven't seen their girl being happy and confident in her own skin. It was a shock, especially since she's basically lounging naked without a care. And that made both of their hearts glow.

[warriorstale001]

Greetings!!! So... A thought... you know the OSD Stone Sleep au...

OSDiff Stone Sleep.

Dream in a weakened state in an au seeped in negitivity last time that happened he turned to stone. And this time... well he might not fight it. He can feel it and just lets it happen he's sick, scared and in pain... maybe being a statue isn't so bad after all.

Someone coming in to check on him. One of the boys for guard duty or Nightmare himself only to find Dream laying there nothing more then a statue... he looks... peaceful...

Well uh... Congratulations on finding what must be the one of the most depressing endings that OSDiff could possibly have... Because wow that is a sad idea you have come up with, my friend.

Of course I am very aware of the OSD Stone!Sleep AU by @calcium-cat but an OSDiff version?!

Where to begin...

First off... THE FACT DREAM JUST LETS IT HAPPEN??? Like WHOA that is so angsty and so dang sad... The idea Dream has just completely given up after what Nightmare has done so decides he's better off as a stone statue... YIKES!!! I will say tho that while OSDiff Dream is in a pretty poor state right now in the fanfic, I don't believe he has quite gotten to THIS level of despondence... He has some hope still (believe it or not) it's just buried underneath all the pain of what Nightmare just put him through. But for the sake of this AU, yes I am willing to accept that Dream is at the absolute lowest point he can go and thus decides he's better off as a statue.... The poor thing :/.

I still can't decide whether I'd prefer if its one of the boys who discovers Dream's statue or Nightmare himself. Because the boys discovering it first could lead to a scene where Nightmare is contemplating his actions from the Prologue in his office (think start of Chapter 1) and instead of Cross telling Nightmare he's sick, Dream is already a statue and Nightmare can do nothing but rush down to the dungeon to see for himself. So many emotions go through Nightmare's mind as he sees his statue there, confusion at first, denial and of course anger. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. He wasn't finished with Dream yet! He was still meant to be suffering, but instead he had chosen to turn back into a statue to avoid his wrath?! No... That wasn't fair to him! He had been planning this for so long, yet Dream had to go and ruin it just like that?! How could he do that to him?! Why did nothing ever work out the way he intended it too?! Now he'll never get his revenge on Dream... He'll never find peace or happiness. He stares at the statue for a while, lost in his own spiralling thoughts before he finally moves it to one of his tower rooms, locking the door behind him.

The most important thing to remember about this particular OSDiff Nightmare (and probably one of his most tragic traits) is that in this timeline, Dream's sudden change into a statue doesn't allow him to go through the character growth he would have gone through in the normal OSDiff timeline, meaning he is not yet at the point where he would want to mourn Dream or regret his actions despite what's happened. There is no connection, bonding or talking between brothers in this timeline, which leads this Nightmare to shove Dream to an almost untouched section of the hideout where Nightmare can simply attempt to forget about him. He's buried but still there, shoved to a section of the castle, just like the grief and loss shoved to the corner of his mind. Dream turning to stone is definitely a tragic aspect of this AU, but I also find Nightmare's lack of character growth and the fact he's never able to regret his actions just as tragic. He'd be lucky to ever feel true happiness again after Dream turns to stone in that timeline...

I swear I have so many ideas for this AU, especially because it has so much potential, but I just have no time to write them ugh :'(. If any of you wanna write your take on this scenario, though please feel free I would absolutely love to see that.

[soupthatistohot]

an absurdist lens is SUCH a good one to use for bsd i feel like, seeing as how it came about because of the war and so many of bsd's characters were involved in the bsd great war.

what do you think of how the great war in bsd is written looking at it through an absurdist lens

(btw your analyses are so good and interesting i love reading them!!)

Ooh this is a really interesting ask! I'll admit that I don't know much about the great war, but war itself is such an inherently absurd concept. Like, you have some issue with another country/territory, so your conclusion is to start killing each other until one of the parties taps out? It's so weird when you think about it like this.

I think the best thing I can analyze with my current knowledge is Yosano's backstory. Because the soldiers Yosano treated were forced into this never-ending loop of horror and brutality, the war kept going and going, and I think this serves as a commentary on war and its absurdity.

Absurdist storytellers often exaggerate situations that already exist in our real world in order to bring to light just how ridiculous they are. For example, in Kafka's The Metamorphosis, Gregor Samsa wakes up as a gigantic bug, but is more concerned with the fact that he won't be able to attend work and provide for his family than finding an explanation for his circumstances. This is likely commentary on how our capitalist society forces workers to overlook their own physical wellbeing for the sake of attempting to live off of inadequate wages.

In a similar way, Asagiri does this with the concept of war, exaggerating it by forcing this group of soldiers and Yosano into this literal vicious cycle that traumatizes both parties time and time again. Living through the horror of war once is already bad enough, but imagine if you had to do it hundreds of times, wouldn't that be awful? A soldier that's been healed that many times over will have seen many more people die and killed more people than if they just died. Yosano as a nurse has to treat so, so many suffering people, and she's only like 11 at the time. And yet, isn't this what we're doing by forcing generation after generation to fight these wars because of the conflicts we keep making? It makes you question why the idea of a war even exists in the first place.

Even with the current arc we see it. The hunting dogs are military, and they're the villains! Yes, all of them but Fukuchi are misguided, but it's commentary about corruption in systems of power that are supposed to be protecting us. I'd also say Jouno and the satisfaction he derives from torture is probably some sort of commentary on police brutality. Hell, in the latest chapter, we're 30 seconds away from a nuclear warhead destroying Yokohama. If there's one thing that's completely absurd in our modern world, it's nuclear weapons that are literally world-ending.

Anyway! Anon! If you want to tell me more about the war, I'd be happy to try to analyse it based on what information you can give me, but also no pressure. I'm just worried I didn't really answer your question, but I did the best I could! I'm glad you enjoy my silly little rants :)

[ranbling]

https://www.tumblr.com/ranbling/752109192401305600/the-thing-i-hate-most-about-the-kim-storyline-that

This was my issue with basically the entire season. Every story lead to ultimately nothing.

Bathena still hasn’t gotten their honeymoon. They now have no house. The cartel storyline besides how over used and harmful stereotypical it was, was pointless, Amir as much as I loved his character, after 4 episodes that arc also lead to ultimately nothing.

Madney didn’t really have much going on except for their wedding and instead of the dream wedding they both deserved, it ended in a 2 minute hospital room scene, with Phillip walking her, and Buck not even standing in the room ? He was literally standing outside in the door.

Henren they didn’t get to adopt their baby girl. They were then given a foster daughter only to then jk have her taken away as well. And ultimately after more pointless drama for drama sake, have her given to Madney so now Henren can visit her instead. Like where was the fight for custody they said we’d see? And not to mention the message it sends of yet again we don’t let the lesbian couple adopt or foster with out problems galore but the straight couple has no issue doing it at all and can step in to save the day.

Buck he came out as Bi which yessss. So much yes. Only to then what. Nothing. It’s gone no where. They didn’t explore it more. They didn’t develop it more. There was no journey of him with this new piece of himself. He got slapped into yet another rushed relationship with someone who yet again barely seems to even like him, and some shitty jokes ( looking at you closest space and daddy kink) and then ultimately shoved completely aside like a background character the entire season.

Eddie- where to even start. What was the point of Marisol ? Like truly. Tim said he brought her back because he didn’t want two off screen break ups. Ok fine. No development. No growth. No real storylines beyond a joke to bring up repressed religious guilt that went no where. And ended with an off screen break up anyway. Like what was the point of making fans suffer through Marisol’s actress presence after all her phobic ranting when it ended with exactly what Tim said he didn’t want. Then the Kim of it all. I had hopes that would lead somewhere. Eddie finally getting closure snd moving on from Shannon. Eddie starting to get a clue in relation to Buck. Healing with Shannon’s ghost with Eddie and Chris. Something. And instead we got, Eddie running around on 2 women, Chris leaving the state for a indefinite period of time, Helena looking all to happy to take him, Ramon using his own guilt to make Eddie go along with it ruining any progress they made on their relationship, Ryan saying he feels like the Kim as Shannon at the end did nothing but make it worse ultimately so not even any growth or healing. Like none of this lead anywhere except for lazy rushed drama and ooc moments for all.

I’ll say that they did manage to land the buddie moments in every episode that Tim wanted so there’s that I guess. And they were good scenes and cute moments. But again ultimately…. where’s it going because there was no real movement forward. If anything there are even more massive roadblocks for them. Especially with the Eddie and Chris of it all. Ryan specifically saying for Eddie it’s now every time he tries to do something for himself, it takes from Chris. Buck is Chris second most stable and important person after Eddie. Eddie is never ever going to risk that now in the thought of dating Buck because he is not going to want to risk taking him from Chris.

Yes!! I agree with everything you just said

(also thank you for reminding me that Henren was supposed to adopt a babygirl, too many things happened and I totally forgot about that)

[puzzled-pegasus]

Things we can learn/themes from Moral Orel

Not to sound like your seventh grade English teacher, but I've been asking myself about themes and what I'm supposed to learn whenever I watch any sort of media lately lol. Not sure why. Anyway.

My main takeaway from the show is that it illustrates wonderfully that the problem that atheists have with religion is not the existence of God Himself, but the way that he's used to abuse others through people misinterpreting Him. The problem was never God or Jesus or even Reverend Putty; it was Orel's father, using Orel's belief in God to manipulate his emotions and to physically abuse him.

Another takeaway is that the show warns viewers and reminds them not to blindly trust authority figures, even your family members.

Moral Orel also reminds us that repression of emotions, memories, and desires for the sake of feeling morally righteous is completely ineffective, and that you were not born to suffer. Coping mechanisms are usually worse than the actual thing you wanted in the first place.

Children view their parents as the ultimate source of information and their main role model for their behavior, whether their parents are trustworthy or not.

Humans are born inherently good, and whether they stay kind and caring usually depends on their environment.

[hittmeandtellmeyouremine]

505

pairing: experienced!harry osborn x collegestudent!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of anxiety.

word count: 1.1k words

a/n: a blurb based on the song "505" by arctic monkeys. specifically, the line "but i crumble completely when you cry". this will most likely be included in a future chapter of the heaven is a bedroom series. the next chapter of the series will be posted once ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 1 surpasses 20 notes (and i have time) but i wanted to give you guys something for now.

-

you had been sitting at your desk in frustration for what felt like hours. you were going into your second month of second semester and it had been the worst start you could've thought of. you barely saw peter these days, even though you guys were in the same biology 2 class. he barely ever showed up which meant you were suffering alone.

the professor was such a dick. one of the few times peter had actually shown up, he made a joke about one of the pictures the professor had shown of an organism. you smiled and silently laughed, making sure not to disrupt the lecture whatsoever. the teacher had called you out in front of the whole lecture hall, disrupting the lecture himself and making everyone stare at you.

he went entirely too fast through the slides, you could barely get a sentence down before he moved onto the next topic. you were starting to give up on taking notes entirely. another time, you had raised your hand to ask him if he could slow down and repeat what he stated. he told you that if no one else was complaining, maybe you should take a hint and do the same.

maybe if he actually did his job right you wouldn't be complaining.

the test were absolutely fucked. the first test he had royally screwed everyone over because he "messed up" the exam keys making almost everyone receive a failing grade. he never handed anyone back their test. when he was done grading, on your way out of class, students were supposed to stop by his desk for him to tell you your grade. the sick prick probably got off on watching everyones smile's drop.

you had asked him if he could fix yours and properly match your test up to the correct key. he agreed, but then pointed out that he found a problem with your answer on a few more questions. you were genuinely confused because the test was multiple choice and there could only be one option, which you politely brought up. he told you if you felt so confident then maybe you should teach the class instead.

you shut your mouth and accepted the D he gave you through gritted teeth.

you tried not to stress about that test too much. he dropped the lowest of the test grades and surely this would be it. you could learn from this test, study harder. you had the next test in the bag.

right?

wrong. your eyes started to well with tears when he told you your grade on the second test which was yet another D. you immediately went home and cried about it, reassuring yourself again that you would do better on the next test. the pep talk wasn't working as well this time.

you were a straight A student, you had to be. it wasn't like you weren't trying either, you were constantly staying up all night to study, even waking up at crack of dawn to study before your exam too. you were practically eating, sleeping, and breathing biology. you were a biology major for fucks sake, this is what you were going to need for the rest of your life.

you were looking forward to this class too but your gpa was starting to suffer. the 4.0 you had worked so hard maintain was slipping because of this class, this professor.

you stared at your textbook and fragmented notes, trying to make things stick to walls of your brain. if someone looked inside your head the walls would probably be covered in stick notes that were all biology related. you knew no matter how hard you studied, it seemed, your professor would find a way to still give you a D. no one in the class seemed to get higher than a C on his tests.

if you didn't do well on this test there would be no coming back from it. your grade would inevitably be a some sort of B and your gpa would start it's downfall earlier than you anticipated. the anxiety was starting to eat you alive and you couldn't help but to start to cry.

as you were balling your eyes out in your room you heard a knock at your front door. you debated on attempting to hide your tears but when you cried it took a while for your eyes to not show it. they got puffy and red, your nose doing the same. your lashes looked like you had had a pool day. there was no use in trying to hide it.

you made your way over to the door to reveal harry in his suit, obviously coming from work. his face immediately turned into one of concern as he comforted you.

"baby, what's wrong?" you could hear the worry in his voice which only sent you into another fit of tears as he embraced you. you two stood in the doorway as you cried and he held you in his arms.

"i'm gonna fail" you sobbed into his chest.

"what? why are you saying that, you've never failed a class." he questioned.

"well i probably will now." you sniffled, pulling away to look at him.

he looked so concerned. harry wasn't really one to care about grades but he knew how important they were to you. if it was important to you, it was important to him.

he motioned you inside, locking the front door behind you before following you to your room. you sat at the edge of your bed, rubbing your eyes. harry stood in front of you as he waited for you to explain.

"the professor i have for biology this semester, he's a total dick. he's constantly picking on me in class. he's given me a D on every test, harry. on one test, sure. i could've blamed it on myself and said i didn't try hard enough or something but every test?" tears threatened to fall again.

"he's gonna tank my gpa and i don't know what else to do, harry. i've tried to talk to him and he just makes these rude comments about me. i've tried to study harder, for as long as i can. nothing's working. at this point, i feel like he's just targeting me and i don't know what i did wrong to make him hate me so much." you sobbed.

harry felt himself crumble seeing you cry.

he was quick to be at your side, holding you again as you cried into his chest. he kissed your forehead and reassured you that you didn't do anything wrong, that this guy was just miserable. that was true, the guy probably was just miserable. but not as miserable as he was going to be after harry was done with him.