#i swear I have plans to draw these w them I’m just lazy and don’t have time for it but it needed to be said

[apotelesmaa]

This is the ideal & supported by canon ruikasa dynamic btw

[rodr1cks]

Hi! I don't know if your request are open, but I'd like to know if you could write a rodrick x reader where the reader is Rowley's sister and discovers her talking on the phone with a friend saying she's in love with Rodrick and tells Greg and he tells her that Rodrick has been in love with her for a long time and they try to put them together?

cw: none it’s pure fluff

word count: 1.8k

“I know! And he didn’t even apologize!” Greg ranted into the receiver.

“I’m sorry, Greg,” Rowley frowned, sympathetic nature as present as always. “Anyways, mom says dinner is ready, see you tonight?” Rowley’s tone lifted at the end of his sentence, excitement brewing as he thought about the sleepover he was meant to have with Greg later that evening.

You slid into the kitchen on your socks, just as Rowley was concluding his conversation with Greg.

Rowley sat anxiously through dinner, quickly consuming everything on his plate, including the vegetables. You observed him from across the table, cocking your head as your younger brother inhaled his peas like he hadn’t eaten in days.

He took his last bite before exclaiming, “I’m going to pack my stuff for Greg’s!”

Not without clearing his dishes first, of course.

You rolled your eyes at his charisma and headed into the living room. You slumped over on the couch, limbs splayed every which way as you called your friend, Marissa. You had been needing to gush to somebody about your newest crush, Rodrick Heffley.

You had only interacted with the messy haired boy in passing: family dinners, picking up Greg, dropping off Rowley, etc.

“I don’t know what it is, he’s just so- so- captivating. God, Mar, I swear I could watch him play drums for hours on end!”

Unbeknownst to you, Rowley had entered the room and was about to speak. You were too caught up in drooling over Rodrick to notice. “Hey, y/n-” He cut himself off quickly, curiosity getting the best of him.

“And did you see what he was wearing at Matt’s party? Those jeans? And that eyeliner? God I could just tear them-”

Rowley cleared his throat, unwilling to hear the rest. “Y/n can you take me to Greg’s, please?” He stood awkwardly with his lips pursed.

Your head whipped around faster than the speed of light. “Marissa, I gotta go.”

“Rowley, how much of that did you hear?”

He lied, something he wasn’t really good at, “Not much! I promise!”

“Rowley Jefferson you had better keep your mouth shut, or I swear I’ll-”

You stopped yourself, closing your eyes and drawing in a deep breath. “Just get in the car.” You breathed out in a scarily calm tone. Your red headed sibling nodded frantically out of fear and darted to the garage.

Usually, you would make him walk, but ever since your infatuation with Rodrick began, you were more eager to give him rides over there. The mere prospect of getting the slightest glance sending excitement throughout your entire being.

When you pulled up to the Heffley home, you gave him a final glare. “Say nothing.” He gave you the same shaky nod he gave you only moments ago. With that, he was bounding towards the front door. You made sure he got inside safely and drove off.

“Rowley? Everything okay?” Greg asked his friend, concerned with his behavior. Rowley couldn’t handle keeping secrets. His hands grew clammy and a slight sweat broke out on his forehead. Rowley had an uncomfortably fake smile plastered on his face as he tried to assure Greg that everything was just peachy.

All it took was one knowing look from Greg and Rowley broke.

“Alright, fine! I heard my sister talking to her friend about how hot Rodrick is and how she wants to-”

“Okay, okay! I get the picture!”

Greg took a moment to proceed, his brows furrowed as he brought a contemplative fist up to support his chin.

“Lemme get this straight. Your sister likes my brother?”

Rowley nodded slowly.

“Y/n likes Rodrick?”

Rowley nodded again, confirming Greg’s exclamations.

“But y/n is smart a-and hot!”

“Greg! Don’t say that!” Rowley groaned, rolling his head back in disgust. Greg threw both of his hands up in defense, “I’m just stating facts.”

“Wait, I have an idea.” A pit of dread grew in Rowley’s stomach, Greg’s ideas never turned out well.

“What if we set up y/n with Rodrick? Just hear me out, this could be good for him.”

Rowley mulled the idea over in his head, thinking that maybe dating you could make Rodrick more… agreeable? Maybe you could be a good influence on the intimidating teenager. A happier Rodrick would make sleepovers at Greg’s a lot more pleasant.

“I think that could work,” Rowley said apprehensively. “But how do we do it?”

Greg shrugged, “Simple, we just tell Rodrick there’s a really hot Girl interested in him.”

The boys proceeded to draw up a plan.

Phase one: The approach. Greg and Rowley nervously ascended the wooden steps that led to Rodrick’s room. Rodrick was laying on his back, spinning a drumstick between his nimble fingers.

He shot up immediately when he noticed the boys’ presence. “What are your dweebs doing up here?”

Phase two: Delivery. “Calm down Rodrick, we have some information you might wanna know,” Greg reasoned cooly, easing Rodrick’s anger from a roaring ten to a mild six.

Greg nodded over at Rowley, signaling him to start talking.

“W-well,” Rowley stuttered, “I uhm- heard my sister talking about you and she- she likes you and she was talking about your jeans?”

Rodrick blinked in confusion, processing this intel.

“Your sister likes me? Are you sure she meant me?”

“That’s what I said!” Greg exclaimed and Rodrick shot him a terrifying glare, silently telling Greg to can it.

Rodrick was honestly shocked. He always observed you from afar, deciding himself that a chick as cool as you would never go for him. This news was absolutely world shattering for the boy, he completely admired you.

Phase three: Action. “We have a plan.” Greg said, a conniving grin creeping onto his face. “Rowley calls y/n, tells her that he’s feeling sick and blames it on Mom’s pot roast or something. Then when she rushes over all worried, you greet her at the door. And then you work your Rodrick magic!” Greg smiled, abundant pride for his plan evident in his stature.

“It’s a go.” Rodrick declared, scrambling around his room to put on deodorant, a new t-shirt, and cologne before pointing at Rowley. “Make the call.”

“Hey, y/n,” Rowley groaned into the phone, sounding as sick as he possibly could. “I- I think I ate something bad and I really need you ro come get me.”

You sighed, telling him you’d be there in ten minutes and to have his things ready to go. You departed for the Heffley house for the second time that night.

When Rowley didn’t come out to your car, you trudged up to the red door to go retrieve the sickly boy.

You gave the door three lazy knocks, expecting Rowley’s face to be the one behind it when it swung open. “Hey kid, are you feeling okay?” You asked, not yet making eye contact with the figure leering in the doorframe.

Your eyes widened as you came to realize who it was.

“Funny seeing you here,” Rodrick drawled out, a smirk tugging at his lips. Your cheeks burned with the heat of one thousand suns, you were not expecting this tonight.

“Y-yeah,” you smiled awkwardly, staring at your feet. “Rowley called, he uhm, he’s not feeling well. So if you could just get him for me I can leave. Immediately.” You cursed yourself for your blubbering idiocy as you twiddled your fingers.

“Actually, Rowley is feeling much, much better.” Suspicion grew as you studied Rodrick’s devious expression. “What’s going on?” You asked, genuinely puzzled as nothing was making any sense.

“I don’t know, y/n. Why don’t you come in and tell me?” Rodrick was surprisingly smooth in this situation, despite his nerves being at an all time high.

“Rowley is just up here,” Rodrick said while guiding you up the stairs to his room. In the meantime, Greg and Rowley peered out from the hallway, watching you follow Rodrick upstairs and giggling to themselves.

The overhead lights in Rodrick’s room were turned on, the glow from his string lights illuminating the area instead. “Mood lighting,” as he had called it. Rodrick had already instructed the boys to stay far away once you had arrived.

You were still lost, Rowley nowhere in sight. “So? Where is he?” You asked expectantly.

“Here’s the thing y/n. You know Rowley can’t keep secrets, right? I mean you have to know that, he is your brother”

Shit.

“That little shit stain! I’ll get him, I swear to god!” You turned to bound down the stairs, ready to tear the entire house apart in hunting for him. Rodrick grabbed your wrist before your foot could even reach the first step.

“Y/n, relax, relax!” His grip on your flesh made your breath hitch and stomach churn. “It’s okay, I feel the same way.” Rodrick’s cocky facade dissipated into nothing as he revealed his feelings.

You got a glimpse of a more vulnerable side of Rodrick that you were sure he didn’t typically share. “But girls like you don’t usually like stupid guys like me,” Rodrick was staring at the ground now, grasp on your arm softening.

You were too unsure of your words so you opted to move your free hand to hold his bicep, closing a considerable amount of distance between the two of you in the process.

“Rodrick, I’ve never liked anybody as much as I like you. And I don’t mean that in a weird or creepy way it’s just that-”

Now it was time for Rodrick’s own addition to the plan. Phase four: The kiss.

Your rambling was cut short by a pair of warm lips pressing against your own. He kissed you with just enough force to cause you to stumble back a bit, causing you to brace yourself against his torso.

He carded a gentle hand through your hair and tugged back on your soft locks. You moaned at the vibrations tendrilling at your scalp and kissed him with even more ferocity.

Somehow, you ended up on his bed, straddling him. The blankets strewn across his mattress melded against your knees and the fronts of your calves as you stabilized yourself on his lap.

He placed apprehensive hands on your hip bones, unsure of what was okay and what wasn’t. You placed your hand on top of his larger one, assuring him that you were comfortable. You even allowed a small whimper to leave your throat as he tightened his hold on you.

You only pulled away to catch your breath, looking into his eyes for the first time that night. You smiled warmly at him as you cupped his cheek. Suddenly, Rodrick’s signature smirk returned to his face.

“Now tell me what you were saying about my jeans.”

[ptergwen]

no sleep

pairing: singer!reader x tom holland || w/c: 1.6k

warnings: swearing and many many many suggestive jokes

summary: you’re on jimmy kimmel to talk about your music, but he has other plans

a/n: y’all i’ve literally always wanted to write singer!reader and this idea just came to me and i had to get it out because it’s so cute :,) i really hope ya like it

-

jimmy kimmel invited you onto his show to promote a single from your upcoming album. you stepped out of the spotlight for a while, so this is your first official appearance of the year.

“my first guest tonight...” there’s a cheer from the audience. you grin to yourself, waiting for jimmy to finish announcing you.

“you wanna say it for me?” he chuckles and stands your picture up on his desk. “my first guest tonight surprised fans this morning with her new single ‘no sleep.’ it’s currently number one in over seventy countries.” jimmy holds for applause, which you get a ton of. you cover your hot face with your hands.

“she’s here to talk to us about the song and her short hiatus. please welcome y/n y/l/n!”

the music plays while you walk onstage, followed by more cheers and clapping. you’re beaming as you wave to everyone. you give jimmy a quick hug and exchange hello’s over the noise.

you’ve been in the industry for a few years, but you’ll never get used to responses like this. all the love really warms your heart.

“thank you!” you giggle out, taking your seat on the couch. the audience yells some more when the music dies out. “thank you so much! oh my god,” you make a face at jimmy, who laughs and gestures to everyone. “they clearly hated the song,” he jokes to you. “i was gonna say,” you agree, smoothing your dress down.

you look out at the crowd with a pout. “no, seriously. you guys are so cute.” jimmy copies your pout, earning a playful eye roll from you.

you’ve been on the show a couple of times before, so you two are friendly. tom has also brought you to chill backstage with him when he was a guest. you would’ve brought him this time if he wasn’t away for filming.

“so, you took most of the year off from making music,” jimmy starts the actual conversation. “mhm, i did,” you hum and cross one of your legs over the other. “how was that? was it weird not being in the studio?” you scrunch your face up, then he adds another question. “what did you actually do with yourself?”

“i mean, music is obviously a big part of who i am. making it, loving it, all that stuff.” a small smile crosses your face. “so, yeah. it sort of felt like something was missing at first.” jimmy nods along, you shrugging one of your shoulders.

“at the same time, i really needed to take a minute and just breathe. come back with my shit more together. i think i have,” you let out a reflective sigh. “it didn’t have anything to do with your boyfriend? a mr. tom holland?” jimmy teases, you waving a hand at him. “no, don’t give him all the credit.”

your break genuinely was for yourself. no one needs to know that tom was also off, or that he spent all his free time with you. that was just a plus.

“are you sure? because, it seemed like you two were getting really cozy.” a picture from your instagram pops up on the screen. it’s of tom under a blanket. he’s reaching out for you with a lazy smile. you lean over on the couch so you’re off camera, another giggle escaping you.

jimmy flips to another picture. “that was exhibit A. here’s exhibit B.” the whole audience coos, jimmy raising his eyebrows at you. this one is a mirror selfie from tom’s instagram. your arms are slung around his neck from behind, and half your face is hidden. tom is doing his signature eye crinkling smile into the camera.

“aren’t they just adorable?” jimmy asks the audience, making them erupt in more cheers. you sit up again and clear your throat. seeing those is bittersweet for you. “he’s very cuddly. anyway, back to the music!” you do a small clap. little do you know, there’s much more to come.

“yes, yes. back to the music. talk to me about ‘no sleep.’” the song is one hundred percent about tom. you’re not sure you should say that, considering the... explicit content in it. you and tom did get very cozy over your break, as jimmy would say. it was the only time you weren’t relaxing.

“well,” you plaster on an overly happy smile. that earns more laughter from jimmy. “it’s about what you do in bed when you’re, um, not sleeping,” you explain. “and who do you do those things in bed with?” jimmy glances up at the screen again. “you’re choosing violence today, jimmy,” you say under your breath.

there’s a chuckle from backstage that sounds eerily similar to tom’s. it must have been a PA. all this talk about him is seriously fucking with your head.

“well, everyone in my life inspires my work in some way. they’re such angels,” you dodge the question, thinking you’re clever about it. jimmy won’t let you get off that easy. “friends? family?” he asks you. “yeah, everyone,” you exhale in relief. jimmy widens his eyes at you. “so, that means ‘no sleep’ is about your mom?”

your mouth falls open. he’s really going to make you spill the details of your sex life.

“what the fuck, no!” you squeal, looking out into the audience for help. they join in your laughter. “it’s about tom,” you finally confirm so jimmy doesn’t suggest anything else. “it’s about tom, my god. next topic.” you’re smiling despite yourself.

“why? don’t you wanna tell us more about your lover?” jimmy glances off to the side. what is going on back there? you sit up straighter in your spot. “no, this is my interview!” you’re half joking, half serious.

although you and tom aren’t private at all, you’ve never talked about him this much. it’s overwhelming. besides that, this is making you miss him a lot.

“that’s too bad. we thought... we thought you might like to share it,” jimmy is already grinning about whatever he has planned. this isn’t supposed to be part of your segment. “huh? i’m literally so lost.” you furrow your eyebrows at him, lowering your voice. “we didn’t talk about this.”

he pats the arm of your couch. “they say there’s no time like the present. ladies and gentlemen, tom holland!”

on cue, tom runs out from backstage. the audience practically roars with how loud they are. people even jump out of their seats. you clasp a hand over your mouth in pure shock. this feels like a prank, like jimmy is about to say sike. then, tom comes up to the couch. you almost fall over, jimmy proudly watching on.

tom grins so wide it takes up his whole face. “happy release day,” he murmurs as you get to your feet. you’re not able to speak just yet, only staring up at him with glossy eyes. he brings you into a tight hug. his hands rub up and down your back, your arms snaking around his middle.

“tommy,” you try to whisper the nickname. you forgot your microphone is on. everyone “aw’s” at you both, including jimmy. “my love,” tom’s lips brush your cheek briefly. “hi, baby,” he speaks into your ear. you hide your face in his button up while he rocks you side to side.

he’s been away for a couple of months working on the third spider-man. this is the first time you’ve seen him since he left.

“shouldn’t you be in atlanta?” you ask louder this time for the audience to hear. you’re still doing an interview. “today’s a big day. i had to see you,” tom gives you one last squeeze. “in person,” he adds, before you can say you already facetimed.

the fact that him and jimmy put this whole thing together is making you emotional. you’d be fully crying if you two were alone right now.

“she doesn’t want you here, though. remember?” jimmy chimes in, tom breathing out a laugh. he sadly lets go of you. you flop back onto the couch, tom pointing behind him with his thumb. “i’ll just be on my way. five hour flight, no big deal.” “no, no, no, no. stay,” you whine and make grabby hands at him.

that’s all it takes for tom to slip into the spot next to you. he bites back a smile, putting an arm around you and the couch. you don’t want to annoy everyone with too much pda, so you subtly curl into his side. the people actually love you and tom together. jimmy claps his hands.

“we’ll be right back with y/n y/l/n and tom holland!” he says into the camera, the band playing more filler music. he steps out from behind the desk to greet tom. tom stands up, the two of them giving each other pats on the back. the camera stops rolling.

“hey, man. thanks for doing this,” tom puts a hand on jimmy’s arm. “anything for the happy couple. i’m gonna get some water, see you in five.” jimmy shoots you another smile on his way to his dressing room. you return it. that leaves you and tom to yourselves.

“baby,” you say in a sing song voice, dropping your head onto tom’s shoulder. “i’m so happy you’re here. i real life almost peed when you came out.” tom snakes his arm around your waist. “that would be upsetting,” he mumbles, his index finger drawing circles on you. “it would’ve ruined your very pretty dress.”

“you like it?” you knowingly tug at the form fitting material. tom shifts in his spot. “i’ll tell you what,” he leans in closer to you with a smirk, his breath tickling your ear. “we’re getting no sleep tonight,” he sings from the chorus of your song. you burst into a giggle and squeeze your eyes shut.

he ends up being right.

[ikeromantic]

7+ Sinful Snuggles

Obey Me minis with the 7 brothers plus - approx. 4k words of fluffiness and spice.

I’m Not Asleep

It was supposed to be a cram session, but barely an hour in, Belphie is nestled against your shoulder with his eyes closed. 

“I’m still listening,” he sighs when you poke him. “Just keep reading to me.” He snuggles closer as you continue reviewing the chapter on 11th century Demon Accords - which honestly, is boring enough that your own eyes keep sliding shut. Belphie’s head slips from your shoulder to your chest. He sighs happily. 

Determined to press on, you keep reading. Or you try to. His hands slip under your shirt to draw slow, lazy lines across your skin, working their way down to your hip. 

“B-Belphegor?” 

He doesn’t respond, but his face is set in a blissful smile. You could try to wake him, but why fight it? His touch feels good, so good you lean back into the pillows with your own sigh of happiness.

Snacking in Bed

Beel shows up to your room with popcorn and snacks to watch reruns of Iron Chef with you. You both reach for the choco-crickets at the same time, bumping hands. 

“You can have the last one,” he says, blushing. 

“Ok.” You grin playfully and pick it up, noting the ways his eyes track the candy. It’s too cute and you’d honestly feel bad eating it, so you hold it out, touching his lips. 

Surprised, his mouth opens, taking your fingers and the chocolate. He licks the candy from between your fingers as you pull back. 

You can’t help but shiver a little at the sensation. It was . . . nice. 

“That last one was especially good,” he smiles. 

“Was it?” 

He nods, scooping up your hand. 

“W-what are you doing? I’m not holding anymore candy,” you tell him. 

He presses your fingers to his lips, kissing them from tip to palm. 

“Beel?” 

“Mmmm, you’re sweet,” he tells you, words muffled as his mouth works its way to your wrist and up your inner arm. You think your shirt will give him pause, but he nibbles right past it, up your shoulder, to your neck. His mouth is hot, and the way he suckles and nips your skin makes you feel faint -and pretty warm yourself. 

“I think I understand why demons eat human,” he whispers into your neck. “But don’t worry, I just want to taste.” 

You’d like to reply, but your brain is short circuited by his lips, tongue, and teeth working their way down your chest. In the background, Chairman Kaga takes a bite of his pepper. He looks almost as smugly satisfied as Beel does with your nipple in his mouth.

Too Slick

Asmodeus invites you to his room for a hot oil treatment. He swears it will add softness and shine to your hair. You agree - afterall, his spa treatments are always fun, even if they don’t seem to do much. 

When you get there, he hands you a robe. “You don’t want to get oil on your clothes, right?” He, of course, is already wearing one, seductively half tied to reveal his smooth chest and just a bit of his thigh. 

You slip into the bathroom to change. Asmodeus follows a few minutes later, just enough time for you to get the robe on. As the oil warms, he chats with you about new fashions and compliments your eyes, your skin, and the way you blush when he’s ‘just telling you the truth.’ 

When the oil is warmed, Asmo uses a ladle to trickle it over your hair and scalp. You feel it running down your skin, warm and slick. It’s a nice feeling, relaxing and *maybe* a little arousing. Then Asmodeus starts to massage the oil in. His smooth hands feel so good on your scalp, your neck, your shoulders . . . 

In your haze of happiness, you realize he’s pushed the robe down quite a bit. But you don’t mind it really. He’s still chattering away and the massage is nice. But when his hands slip past your lower back, you sit up straight. “Ok! I think you got my hair and then some!” 

Asmodeus laughs softly. “Still shy? Alright. It’s my turn then.” He takes the ladle and pours some oil over his head. “Ooooh that feels nice!” 

“Yeah, it really does,” you reply. Then you try to stand so he can have the chair while you rub the oil into his hair. Only . . . the floor is slick with drops of oil and you almost fall. 

Asmodeus catches you, but he slides too. You both end up slipping and sliding across the floor, clinging to each other, until Asmo manages to grab the edge of the door. 

You realize then that your robe’s come undone, and Asmodeus’ is hanging open too. Not that either of you can see anything, pressed up close as you are. It’s not about seeing . . . it’s feeling that skin-to-skin contact. 

Asmo realizes it the same moment you do and smiles. He wriggles slightly, rubbing his oiled self against you. “Mmmm, now that is perfect. And good for your skin.” You have to agree, which you do, in a vocal little half moan. 

Bedtime Story

Satan invites you to a hotel grand opening in the southeast demon forest - one of his contacts is hosting a huge party there, with rooms for the guests to try out. It sounds like fun, and you’ve never gotten to see the dark forest, so why not? The trip does not disappoint. 

The forest is exactly what you’d expect to see in a demon’s woods, with flesh eating trees and deadly poisons. Even the squirrels look dangerous. The party is great too. Good music, dancing, and conversation. 

You are pretty sure some of the demons in attendance would see you as an appetizer if Satan wasn’t at your side, hand on your back. He is the perfect companion, making sure you have something good to drink and that you’re enjoying yourself. As it happens, you enjoy yourself a little too much. 

“I didn’t think about how strongly the Spiritus Punch would affect a human. I shouldn’t have let you drink that third glass,” he sighs. 

You giggle. His slight frown is so funny. And attractive. You grab his shoulders and give him a quick, surprise kiss. You meant to get his cheek - but your lips find his. 

Satan freezes for a moment, but your lips don’t mind the happy accident. And he can’t help but react to your warm, hungry kiss. He finally breaks it, his breath almost as heavy as yours. 

“You’ve had too much to drink. Let’s get you to our room and in bed.” 

You smile in a way you hope is seductive. “I’d like to get you in bed.” 

His eyes narrow and you can’t tell if that reaction is good or bad. He puts his arm around you and helps you to the elevator. You lean on him, holding tight as the movement up makes you feel dizzy. Of course your shared room is on the top floor. Penthouse suite with a view. He opens the door. 

Your eyes go to the windows, where outside the forest sparkles with a thousand tiny lights. 

“Oh my . . .” Satan sighs. Your gaze follows his to the center of the room. Where . . . there . . . was only one bed! 

UnConvention

Levi scores two tickets to the TSL Convention, which is, of course, the most popular fan convention in all of Devildom. And he could have invited anybody (or sold the tickets, as Mammon won’t stop going on about), but he invited you. And he even put together a Henry cosplay outfit, just for you. 

Levi is going as The Lord of Shadows, and it is going to be so much fun. The convention takes up two whole city blocks, full of panels from the film actors, several music shows inspired by or featured in TSL, and then aisles and aisles of merch. But before you get started, Levi wants to get some pictures. 

You could take them with your DDD, but there’s a photobooth and the face Leviathan makes when he sees it . . . you can’t say no. 

“I’ve never taken pictures with a f-friend in a photobooth,” he tells you. His cheeks are bright red and his eyes shine. 

The booth bench is really narrow, and the two of you struggle to fit. “I - I think we’ll fit if I sit on your lap,” you tell him. 

The scarlet spreads to his ears and down to his neck. “M-my lap? You want to sit on my lap?!” 

You can’t help the wicked, playful smile his reaction elicits. And you don’t wait for him to say more. With a little wicked wiggle you put yourself right in his lap, turning to wrap an arm around his shoulder. 

“H-hey! That’s not - why are you still moving?” His eyes are so wide. 

You lean close, lips brushing his ear. “You don’t like it? I thought you loved Henry . . .” Not that you’re really asking. You can *cough* feel how much he loves ‘Henry’ from your perch on his lap. 

“Oh!” His eyebrows go up as one of your hands slides down his side. He is too much fun to tease. “This is just like the scene in I Was A High School Succubus Teacher Season Seven! I know what to do!” 

You are about to ask what he’s talking about when he grabs you and pulls you even closer. His lips find yours, and his hands are all over you. Under your costume, grabbing your hair, unbuttoning your Henry outfit . . . 

When the two of you slide out of the booth, breathless, red-cheeked, and disheveled, you are greeted by a cheering crowd of fans with ‘shipper signs and offers to buy your NSFW photos. 

Greedy Bastard

You didn’t have plans this weekend, which is how most of your misadventures with Mammon start. This time, he lost a bet in a private card game. The price was his service for a weekend, but they’ll cut it down to one night if he brings a friend. Which is where you come in. 

You almost tell him no when you see the outfits for this night of hosting. Tiny little hotpants and a top made of black ribbons . . . but then you see the way Mammon looks at you wearing it and, well, it’s worth it just for that. Of course, he’s not the only one that appreciates you in those clothes. 

The demons playing cards keep looking your way hungrily and more than one tries to smack your ass or give you a pinch in passing. You’re too quick for them, but the more often it happens, the more annoyed Mammon gets. 

“They have no business touching what’s not theirs,” he fumes at the bar.

 “They haven’t touched me yet,” you laugh. “Besides, work is up in another hour. I can last that long.” You snag the latest round of drinks, ready to take them out, but Mammon gets between you and the door.

 “Let’s sneak off early,” he suggests. He takes the tray out of your hands and sets it down.

“They’ll notice when they run out of booze,” you point out. 

“Don’t care.” Mammon steps closer to you. You can see the effect you have on him in those ridiculously tiny shorts. “I’m the only one that should get to see you dressed like this.” He brushes a hand down your side, tugging lightly at the ribbons. “The only one that gets to touch you.”

And then his lips are on yours, his body pressing you back against the wall. His skin is hot against the cool satin ribbons that criss-cross your chest. His hands caress you like treasure and his kiss is possessive. There might be an hour left on shift, but this greedy bastard is going to keep you all to himself anyway.

Overtime

Helping Lucifer sort student records is not what one might consider fun. But someone has to do it and you offered to help so here you are. Sitting on the floor, surrounded by piles of folders and loose sheets of paper. 

Lucifer is at his desk, making notations on records, and in the background, the TSL soundtrack plays. 

It’s just past midnight and your vision is getting blurry. Every time you blink, it gets harder to open your eyes again. But you’re not anywhere close to done and Lucifer is relying on you to have these sorted. This discipline record for Caacrinolaas should be in the C section under . . . under . . . 

“Falling asleep on the job?” Lucifer’s voice snaps you awake. He sounds amused more than annoyed. That’s probably good. 

“Ah, just, taking a moment.” You waive the paper in your hand. “I couldn’t find the C folder.” 

He smiles. “This one right in front of you?” 

You blush and pick it up, flipping to the discipline section. C-double-A . . . 

Lucifer takes both out of your hands and sets them down. “I think we need to call it a night.” 

“But I’m not done,” you protest. 

“Are you contradicting me?” One dark eyebrow lifts. 

“N-no.” 

“It sounded like it.” He bends down and scoops you up. “I will have to think of a suitable punishment for your insolence.” 

You try to wriggle out of his grasp, not because it’s unpleasant but because he makes you feel so helpless, holding you like that. 

Moving around only makes him grip you tighter, pulling you against his chest. “The more you struggle, the stricter I’ll be forced to be,” he warns. 

You go still. He carries you out of the office and down the hall. If you weren’t half afraid of what happens next, this might be pleasant. Lucifer smells good, and his chest is a perfect pillow. Despite your anxiety, you begin to close your eyes, lulled by the gentle motion. You aren’t sure when exactly that you fall asleep, but you can pinpoint the moment you wake.

 Lucifer’s fingers stroke gently through your hair. His breath is warm against your cheek. “I didn’t mean to make you work so hard you passed out from it,” he sighs. 

“I didn’t pass out,” you mumble. 

“You’re awake.” He lifts himself up on one arm to look down at you. “You should be resting.” 

“I thought you were going to punish me,” you reply, taking in the fact that he’s wearing pajamas now, and so are you. In his room. In his bed. 

“Looking forward to it?” He smiles and the heat in his gaze sends a shiver down your spine. “I think it can wait for morning. But perhaps . . . just a taste before we sleep.” His hand tangles in your hair, pulling you toward him as he kisses you. His lips are spicy and sweet, and your eyes close, enjoying the moment. 

Tea and Biscuits

You agree to meet Barbatos at the demon lord’s castle for tea. Just the two of you. The way he says it makes it almost sound like a date, but surely a demon that can see past, present, and possible futures wouldn’t be interested in a short-lived human. 

When you arrive, he leads you to a balcony overlooking the garden. There’s a small couch for two and a little table with a samovar for tea and several plates of biscuits, cakes, and sandwiches. Your favorite flavored biscuits, cakes, and sandwiches, to be exact. 

Barbatos smiles. “I hope it’s all to your liking.” 

“You know it is!” 

He laughs, and pours you a cup of tea. You both sit down, hips touching. It makes you blush a bit, but Barbatos doesn’t seem to notice - or care - so you decide to just ignore it. It’s hard though, to ignore the way his hand brushes yours and the press of his leg against you. The way his eyes never seem to leave you, going from your eyes to your face down your body.

 “Is it alright if I kiss you,” he asks suddenly. 

The question takes you by surprise but you nod. You like him but you’d never expected him to return the affection. 

Barbatos leans forward, his hand gentle on your thigh. His lips meet yours in a slow, sensuous kiss that spreads heat through your whole body. 

You’ve kissed before, but never like this. Never with someone that has millennias of skill and knowledge of you that even you don’t have. He slides his other hand behind your back, pulling you onto his lap. The kiss melts you against him. Silk and sweet and hot. You aren’t sure how long it lasts, only that when it ends, you want more.

Theater

When Diavolo invites you out to see the newest movie, I Was A TeenAge Witch’s Familiar and It Was Awful, you imagine going to a crowded theater, getting some popcorn, and sitting in a slightly smelly, stained chair that you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole if you saw it in broad daylight. 

Instead, you end up at his castle, sitting on a wide, comfortable plush velvet couch. The only two people in front of a theater-sized screen, where the as-yet-unreleased movie plays. 

Diavolo starts out on the opposite side of the couch, but keeps getting closer. To share popcorn, to offer you a sip of his drink, to point out some funny line in the film. Then his arm snakes around behind you, settling on your shoulders. 

You hop up, surprised. 

“I guess this means you don’t enjoy my company,” Diavolo says, looking up at you with big, sad eyes. 

“No . . . I do . . . just, I didn’t expect -” 

He shakes his head. “It’s alright. I’m sure you find me quite frightening.” 

“I don’t!” You sit back down and set a hand on his. “You don’t scare me at all, Diavolo. And . . . I think you’re cute.” 

“Is that so?” He grabs you with both hands and lifts you up. “What about now?” 

“Still not scared,” you say, though you are a little. 

He grins and stands up, still holding you above him. “Not even a little?” 

“No?” He tosses you into the air and you feel like a little kid, half-afraid and half-exhilarated. You let out a little shriek on the second toss and as you come down, he catches you in his arms. “Your reactions are so entertaining. Much better than any movie.” 

You can’t help but blush at the look in his eyes. Adoring and sensual. 

“It makes me want to do all sorts of things to you, just to see what you’ll do next.” 

You gasp as he begins to tickle you, his fingers finding all the sensitive spots on your sides. You reach out to tickle him back, surprised to find that Diavolo is absolutely ticklish all over the place. Both of you end up on the floor, laughing and panting in waves of tickle-attacks. 

“Truce!” You finally shout. 

He stops, his fingers in mid-wiggle. “But I am having so much fun . . .” His lips turn up in a slow, evil smile. “I’ll stop on one condition. You have to promise we’ll do this again.” 

You nod. “It’s a deal.”  

Like Magic

You agree to meet Solomon for a lesson in pacts. He knows more about them than anyone besides a demon lord. And he’s willing to share. For a price. You had to bring him the latest Madam Scream’s Scarlet Tarts as a trade for his secrets. A small price to pay. 

The two of you meet at a park in the Devildom. It’s almost as bright as a day in the real world, from the brilliant glowing mushrooms, tree fungi, and floating flowers. 

“You know, I could almost call this spot romantic,” Solomon says as he spreads out a picnic blanket to sit on. 

You raise an eyebrow. The sorcerer has been a little secret crush of yours, but you know when someone is out of your league. And an immortal genius definitely is. “Huh,” you reply. Great response, you think, but Solomon laughs. 

“I didn’t mean to leave you speechless.” 

You hand him the pastry box from Madam Screams. “I’m not speechless. I said ‘huh.’ 

He shakes his head. “I don’t think that counts as a word.” 

“And I guess you’re the final authority on that,” you mutter, feeling annoyed. 

He grabs your hand and brings it to his lips. “I didn’t mean to sound like a know-it-all. Forgive me?” He presses a light kiss to your palm. 

It surprises you so much that all you can do is nod, actually speechless. 

Solomon smiles. “Good. I wanted this to be a nice date.” 

“Date?” The word leaves your mouth before you think about it.

“What else would you call two people having a picnic in the park?” You think of a lot of things you might call it, but he’s smiling at you so sweetly that you just agree. 

He opens a grimoire across your laps and settles a hand behind you to lean over it. “This was my first real spellbook. I thought it might be a good place to start.” 

You realize as he talks that he isn’t just teaching you - he’s sharing something he’s never shared with anyone else. It makes you feel special, which must have shown in your face when he looks over at you because whatever he sees there makes him smile widely.

“We should do this more often,” he says, and before you can reply, his lips brush lightly against your cheek in a gentle kiss. 

With your heart beating so hard you’re sure he must hear it, you say, “Yeah. We should.” His fingers curl around yours, linking the two of you as you look up at the Devildom sky. 

Gossip Girl

You take Simeon up on an offered afternoon of looking at forbidden photo albums of the brothers from their celestial days. He promises to dish on the best stories, provided you never let on that you know about any of it. 

The two of you meet at Purgatory Hall in one of the unused rooms. It feels a little odd to be alone with the gorgeous angel, especially like this. One kiss away from an illicit affair. But you soon feel comfortable as Simeon settles next to you, flipping through pictures of Lucy, Mammon, Beel, and the others in their childhood and younger years. 

“Once, Lucy tried to make Michael happy by baking him a poppy-seed cake. But he used baking soda instead of powder . . .” Simeon’s eyes crinkle with laughter. “It came out more like a poppyseed brick. Lucy was so mad he threw it - right through the Metatron’s study window.” 

You giggle, imagining a furious Lucifer. 

“You have such a nice laugh,” Simeon says, looking at you from the corner of his eye. “I’d like to hear it more often.” 

“Th-thanks,” you stutter. Taking compliments has never been your strength. He turns his head to face you. 

“Did I make you blush just now?” He tucks a bit of hair behind your ear. “I didn’t mean to.” 

You nod, blushing even more furiously. 

“You don’t have to be shy around me. But . . . can I admit something to you?”

“Sure?” 

“I like that I can make you blush.” His fingers brush across your lips. “I’d like . . .” He stops himself and his hand drops away. 

“I’d like that too,” you say, unwilling to let the moment escape. You lean forward and give him a quick kiss. Now it’s his turn to blush.

The Incident

“No one must ever hear of this,” Luke tells you sternly. As sternly as he can, looking up at you and waving one little hand. 

“I swear to tell no one,” you promise. 

The two of you stand in the middle of a kitchen. At least, there’s a kitchen somewhere under the clumps of batter, berry jam, and soft butter. The results of Luke trying out spellcraft on his baking. 

It was *supposed* to be mystical muffins - a breakfast food that actually makes you look forward to the day. But it turned the mix into a growing, bubbling mass that eventually burst. Which is when Luke texted you to come over. The two of you set to cleaning it up. 

It takes hours to scoop, wipe, rinse, and dry everything in the room. You’re in the middle of a final wipedown on the cabinets when you realize Luke hasn’t said a word for awhile now. 

You turn and see the little guy with his head on his arm, a rag in hand. His eyes are closed and a light snore whistles from his nose. He’s so cute. Like a puppy. He can’t sleep on the floor though. 

You finish wiping and set down the cloth, then go to wake him up. 

He mumbles and rolls over, but his eyes stay shut. Finally, you decide to heft him up and carry him to his room. He’s a bit heavy, but you manage to lift him. His head settles on your shoulder and his arms wrap around your neck. 

He smells like warm milk and cinnamon, you think. And he is so soft, like a fluffy little poodle. You carry him to his room and lay him down. He doesn’t stir as you pull off his shoes and tuck him in. 

“Sweet dreams, little baker,” you tell him. He smiles.

[es05l2k5sl]

I'll never understand why WB had to redesign the Batcast for the new Bat adventures. Some characters took getting used to. But as for the villains, I'm roasting they asses cus they're ugly. Can't change my mind.

These Oswalds together look like 2 different people bruh. But we're here to talk about new Oswald. This Wimpy x Olive Oyl fusion snoody looking ass bitch. I'd like his outfit if it didn't have that lazy drawned bow tie looking like 2 triangles glued together & those fake ass MJ gloves. Also when tf did he have 10 fingers in dis universe? Also fuck that hair. Rocking a balding Mullet like ponytail before. Now it's just a boring cut down. Got dat snooty ass bitch look on face like his bird shit don't be stinking. I'll rock tf out u. Lookin like a whole ass Looney character or sum mf from the 30s.

Wot da fuck dey got Selena wearing here? Sis looking like a whole ass alien. Kid vs Kat looking ass bish. And her skin white af too? Did sis fall in some damn Joker acid too? Sis whole lower face is white as shit! Dat shit paler than crack. Like sis got the white slapped outta her and she just turned whiter. Das probably what happened. Her ass probably got on my mans Bruce last nerves one night and got da shit backslapped out her ass.

So my dude Matthew got turned a different color pal & got his neck privileges revoked? Lazy af but not the worst revamp.

You kno that meme: "upgrade, upgrade, FUCK GO BACK!"? Dis pre much sums up Jonathan here. My mans jus looks so dirty here. Looking straight outta da trash bin. Like literally dirty. Nasty ass teeth probably got dat hot ass breath blowing thru them bitches. Das a real fear toxin right there. Long ass black as shit dirty ass hair. Tryna copy off my girl from the ring w dat shit. Need to take dat dirty ass wig and mask and Amish hat tf off my dude. It is not rocking you. Dat whole worn out trashy ass outfit ain't working for you either hoe. You need to take yo ass a bath bitch cus your arms looking brown and ashy as a bitch. You can not even THINK about borrowing anything from me w yo dirty creepy stalker lookin ass. If you don't put down that damn stick like yo ass need help walking and shit I oughtta bitch ya ass with the shit fo going around dressed like dis. Take that damn rope off your neck bitch fo I do something Bruce won't do.

Bruh, you can not go up to my face and tell me these niggas are the same person in the same mofucking universe! Jervis What da fuck did they DO TO YOU MY N**GA?? N**ga looking like a damn leprechaun with special needs and shit. Rocking all dat dookie green swag but you got no swag anymore my dude. It's shit like you clothes and yo breath! Yo shits wasn't perfect and white before but them hoes looking hella worse now. What you get drinking all that damn tea my n**ga. Ol Tiny ass n**ga. Like wot. HOW?! HOW TF DID YO ASS SHRINK??? LIKE SOMEBODY TOSSED YOU ASS IN A LAUNDRY DRYER AND PROBABLY FORGOT TO TAKE YO STUPID ASS OUT. PROBABLY WHY YO HAIR WHITE AND SMALL AS SHIT YA UGLY ASS LUCKY CHARMS LOOKING ASS CRACK FEENY. If you don't hop yo ass back under a rainbow with dem skinny ass broken heel lookin ass tap dancing shoes.

Victor, bruh, they dem did yo ass so dirty in the new adventures. I ain't gonna lie that new suit kinda ok. But you looking like a whole skeleton and shit. Lookin like a young Palpatine & shit. Ol Frisky dingo looking ass! Need to put those goggles back on. The least yo (spoiler) 2003 Baxter Stockman ass can do now.

Yo ass probably looking mad as shit cus ya can't jack it no more n**ga. Dats all gon now. Long with yo unloyal ass wife. How tf she gon bounce on you after everything you did for her? After all the years and bull you had to put up with & she leave yo cold ass for another nibba? Fuck DCAU Nora. Just fuck her.

Scarface lookin like a damn Fanboy & Chum Chum character & his boy over here lookin like Chode. Next.

UUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHGG.

Just. UAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH. Bruh I will never understand who tf thought this shit was a good idea?! Like who the fuck, was drawing dis nigga. Drew DIS Sus af shit. LOOKED at dis shit. And said to deyself: "Yeah dats da Riddler aight". HELL TO THE NAH DAT AIN'T NO DAMN DAS A (dick) FIDDLER! HE LOOKIN SUS AS FUCK NOW WITH THEM TIGHT AS GREEN SPANDEX AND THAT DARK AS HELL EYELINER. Looking like gay Christmas elf! Looking like a gay ass ballay dancer with them Spider Gwen ballerina shoes. You can't dance for shit nigga! Yo shit is SOOO DAMN TIGHT like I can get a good sight and shape picture of yo "Question mark" I'm telling y'all. sSSSUUUSSSSSSS. Looking like a bigasss lima bean. Skinny ass Jack skeleton moFucka. Like. They did my boy Eddy so freakin dirty with this. My mans had class, style, a nice look, HAIR. Now he. Whateverthelivingfuckdisbaldasspeterpanlookinmofuckasupposestobe. And i hate how that's how he did be lookin in almost every new Batverse when why tho? Nigg(m)a look stupid as hell. How tf he expect to be tooken seriously dressed and lookin like dis ? If I saw dis fucker in real life and he threatens me, imma laugh at his ass and beat him with his cane. Get ya Richard from Allen Gregory looking ass away from me. I can't!

Bruh it don't look that much but they did my mans Harvey dirty too. LOOK AT MY MANS FACE. good half i mean. Yall nigs kno. THESE MUHFUCKERS STRIPPED HIM OF HIS PRETTYNESS! Man. Dis version of Harvey was a pretty muhfucka. You can't deny dat shit

Even when he became Two-Face he still got dat 1 side of pretty.  And that deep af panty soaking voice to go along w it. He dat half and half package. 

Now HE LOOK LIKE DIS

WHOEVER TF DID DIS NEED DEY ASS WHOOPED! SQUARE TF UP NOW. NIGGA LOOKS LIKE EYEBROWLESS VERSION OF DOC FROM SECRET SATURDAYS. FAT ASS BLOCK NOSE MUH FUCKA.  His eye looks like traingle with a Nike logo on top of it. Lookin like a poorly drawn Dwayne The Rock Johnson. And ya other half ain't lookin that good either. Dat 1 eyebrow putting Helga Pataki to shame! I mean the shit didn't look good before but it was somewhat tamed, now the shit looking like full grownass caterpillar. And that lip black as hell. Kno that side dirty as fuuhck!

I don't even know what tf I'm sposed to say about DIS except (kinky..)

Angelica pickles looking ass. Bigass blonde captain coconut looking ass hairstyle. Looking like a blonde creepy ass Wednesday Adams. Dem black as fuck Kim possible lips. She actually looking like a family guy character with that bigass head and small body. I SWEAR she ded looking like one of Stewie's ex's right now my dude! Got  tiny ass flat ass guitar chip shoes. Looks like sis wearing fucking Zippers as shoes. Sis got that "i got something planned fo yo ass" smile. Sis look like she plotting something or did some evil shit already.

. . .

Bros I'm sorry but I'm just as confused as you like. I can't find a single thing different about Harley. Like literally nothing. Her makeup at night be looking blue sometimes, looking like a fakeass Livewire, but nah. They didn't even touch homegirl. Why tf is Harley the only character that stayed the same?????! Niggas was playing favorites. They had plans for that ass since day one. They was probs like: "Aye y'all. DO NOT TOUCH HARLEY. SHE STAYS THE SAME!" "why?" "JUST LISTEN TO ME BITCH!" "Wha bout her mans?" "Oh hell yeah fuck his shit up!" ...sigh.. Yep. It's that time...

UaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHH what else is dere to be said about dis ugly ass nigga? Dis nigga look like Yakko Warner & Freakazoid's love child! Dis nigga look like a random Tiny toons or Animaniac character! With that dookie green shirt and flower. You and Riddler's gay ass both matching them Dexter's laboratory Gloves. Why tf yo eyes eyes black as fuck tho?! How tf does one do that to theyself?! Yo ass probably snorted some shit and ya shits expanded and that's prolly yo pupils with ya cracked out ass. Nigga don't even look like a clown no more. Hell Jared Leto Joker atleast had the lipstick down. Dis nigga got dem ashy ass lips hanging out. Nigga think he owning too. Nigga you don't own shit! Broke as hell now. And yo design broke too. Joker? Man more like Broker. Got dat fairly odd parents hair. Got that Cosmo and Wanda in one. Like bitch if you don't. Just like Riddler i can not take yo animaniac looking ass serious. You do not scare me bitch! Bye!

Now see dis? DIS is Aight! A lot more fitting and & faithful to the character. No over the fucking top redesign, you can actually tell it's the same damn character as before, a little bit of swag for personality

So that's the tea. Ivy & Croc are the only good rogue redesigns in the whole series, evBody else ugly as shit.

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s  body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you.  Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do. 

[lovleez]

cai xukun “hard to get” mv theory

i’m back at it again!

i don’t think this one will need any warnings itself because everything is connected strictly to the mv itself (no, no killer sirens this time around) (but killer clowns tho 👀👀👀) (update: the killer clown IS the warning itself plz don’t read this if you have severe coulrophobia akjhdfjdh)

i’d recommended watching this to process what goes on in this post:

hard to get mv 

theory one 

this ones going to be really weird, so if you want a sensible theory, scroll down to the second one :D

let’s start here with clown xukun:

or more specifically, i want to talk about the clown, not xukun himself

okay here’s the driving force of this theory: this clown is a killing spirit that can possess people (and i’ll be referring to this entity as either clown  or ‘killer spirit’ throughout the rest of this theory)

(it’ll make sense later i hope)

now that this is established, let’s travel back to the beginning of the mv

the first 30 seconds or so are clearly a mix between the future and the present, as evidenced by the flashes

our first solid shot that signifies the actual start of the mv (aside from kun) is the main girl of this story

- her eyes are scouring around the room, obviously looking for something. when they settle, the scene jumps back to xukun 

moving on

at this part, when it flashed as if she was in a confused state, listen closely and you’ll hear a little woosh multiple times

this sound does come up multiple times in the mv, but never in the actual audio itself (yes i double checked w/ full volume 😌)

when does this sound come in? whenever the clown is involved (you’ll see)

what am i implying? at this point in the mv, this ‘killer spirit’ is possessing the girl at the moment

earlier when she was looking around, the clown was looking for a new host. why? well perhaps the current one was trying to fight for control (which is why in the scene seemed like she was disorientated for a bit) (or she could be drunk but shhh) 

and who does it pick? xukun obviously. but how did the clown switch hosts 

when the girl comes up to him, she hands him a drink, and xukun drinks it almost immediately (ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳ ᶠᵒˡᵏˢ, ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵃᶜᶜᵉᵖᵗ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵍˢ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ˢᵗʳᵃⁿᵍᵉʳˢ)

and then this happens immediately:

which leads me to believe that there was some sort of drugging substance in there (or again, he could be drunk 🤫)

(also someone tell me why what looks like an old lady is at the club in the first place)

he heads over to the bathroom to clear his mind, but look who’s waiting for him there 

i’m assuming this is where the clown would switch hosts other stuff aside and all

the girl seems to leave in an awful hurry afterwards 👀

probably to escape the clown or something 

xukun also leaves the party . . . but what’s this in the scene?

a jump cut 👀👀👀

(i don’t know how to explain it for those who don’t know what that is...but it’s like  the little jump between kun walking down the path to him arriving at the mansions doorsteps in a flash)

well placed too

lend your ear to the noise before the cut 👂

it’s a whoosh, then clown giggles  👀

👀 👀 👀 👀 👀

okay, before we move into what’s happening after this scene, i’m going to fast forward the mv to 2:23

where the familiar clown giggles can be heard again, and the scene opens to the clown chasing the poor girl D:

i believe that this scene slots in perfectly to what happens during that jump

my brain tells me that when he was simply walkin down to the mansion here, but (obv) he spotted the girl and chased her down. what did he do? 

turn her into a puppet (not like literal, but you know those mind controlled human puppets you see on tv shows....yeah like those)

how’d i get to that conclusion?

👀 

when he walks into the mansion, and into the room, there’s a couch full of other people there just sitting there nearly lifeless

these ‘puppets’ are all presumably the clown’s previous hosts (and i draw this from the fact that the girl is sitting among them)

one more thing 

see how the girl was standing behind the couch in this gif, but when kun settles down, she’s sitting on the ground

its as if she (as a puppet) is welcoming him as the new host, and moves back to the ground to start her life as a presumably insignificant puppet

anyways lets call this theory to an end with the assumption that the clown finally found a permanent host in xukun 

(further proof he is possessed by a killer spirit...his eyes are glowing r e d...now go ahead and try telling me that’s normal 😤) (no it doesn’t seem like a reflection of the light to me,,,,where’d the light even come from in the first place?)

theory two

(aka the more sensible one \(`-`)/ )

this one is going to be more straightforward

the second theory follows a quite simple story line:

the two, kun and the girl, could possibly be a pair (whether it be as a couple or partners in crime, the only important fact about this is that xukun is a killer in this verse) 

and for whatever reason, the girl is simply unhappy with him. so what does she decide to do? drug him, with a side of assassination in mind

so when he heads out to clear up his mind in the bathroom, she plans to murder him there 

however, the attempt was unsuccessful, so she heads out. xukun heads out too, maybe a few hours later. 

however, this jump cut would signify that something else happened before he arrived there

when we go back inside the mansion, to the girl, we see these shots:

it seems like she’s rather expressionless, but she also looks annoyed

there’s also this scene (+ the lyrics)

do i gotta clear it up / swear i ain’t in a rush / i could only play with you so much

does it not seem like he is mocking her here???

before this scene is the clown chasing her. so what does my brain conclude?

after the assassination attempt, he went after her in his killer clown attire to give her a scare, and it worked.

as we can see, she’s sitting by his feet pretty obediently so.

also there’s this scene at the end of the mv:

its probably hard to tell from the gif, but just take a look from the mv and look at the gaze. 

he knew what she was going to go through, but probably played along to give her a lesson.

or,

this mv is quite simple and is what it is: xukun is a killer clown who targeted the girl as his next victim, those scenes where in both theories i stated he was drugged was probably just him getting drunk, and the people in the mansion are simply his past victims (yes i could make this into theory #3 but i’m lazy)

....but where’s the fun in that

however, the solid takeaway from this mv no matter the theory is that xukun is indefinitely: a clown (an angel too 🥺) (not in the mv tho)

[ofcmckenna]

new york’s very own mckenna asher was spotted on broadway street in jimmy choo romy pumps . your resemblance to taylor hill is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being materialistic , but also devoted . i guess being a taurus explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be wrists covered in makeup swatches , a perfectly blended halo eye ,  and never being seen without perfectly manicured nails . ( i once made a fake account to expose information about myself just to get more followers ) & ( cis-female & she / her  )  +  ( lia , 19 , she / her , cst . )

hello , loves ! it’s me , lia ( i also play margo ) back again with another trash child that i’m hoping you’ll all love as much as i do <33 i first came up w kenna many years ago and haven’t had the opportunity to write for her in a long long time , so i’m really excited to bring her here ! as always , if you wanna plot go ahead and LIKE THIS and i’ll happily come love you down . if discord is more your jam , hmu there too @ 𝐛𝐛𝐧𝐨$𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥#1904 . love y’all !!! 💕💓💕

S T A T S ↴

-- * FULL NAME : mckenna sophia asher -- * NICKNAME(S) : kenna ( preferred name ), kenny , ken , mick -- * AGE : twenty-one -- * D.O.B : may 10th -- * ZODIAC : taurus -- * GENDER : cis-female -- * ORIENTATION : bisexual biromantic -- * HEIGHT : 5″7 -- * NATIONALITY : american ( has dual citizenship in america and wales ) -- * BIRTHPLACE : colwyn bay , wales -- * OCCUPATION : youtuber / makeup artist -- * TRAITS : devoted , ambitious , hard-working , materialistic , stubborn , patient , sensual , reliable , organized , possessive , imbalanced , attention-seeking

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

honestly i am........ too lazy to make this a nice bio so plz forgive me for settling on bullet points ,, but at least that’s less reading for you !!!!

mckenna’s father is from wales and works as a plastic surgeon for the rich and fabulous and her mother is from new york and works a beautician and stylist for celebrities . together they had 5 children in total , the kid in the very middle being kenna . the family spent most of her childhood living in wales before moving to new york just before mckenna started high school

all of her siblings are really talented . it must be in their genes or something to have an affinity for the arts . her older brother is in a popular band . her older sister is a principal dancer . her younger sister is an incredible painter . and her younger brother is like six so he’s still coming into his own but there’s no doubt that he’ll be a prodigy at something

and what about mckenna ??? well she tried following in her brother’s footsteps by learning a bunch of instruments but none of them clicked . after that she tried to take dance classes with her sister but it was clear to see that she had two-left feet . she could barely draw a perfect circle , so painting like her younger sister was out of the question too . eventually she tried to pursue an acting career , auditioning for tv shows and movies but never booking anything more than a handful of commercials

so she spent a majority of her life feeling pretty inadequate compared to her siblings . she just wanted to be good at something , anything really . and she wanted to be praised for it . luckily , she eventually found her thing . though it was sorta unconventional : kenna figured out that she’s good at makeup . it’s basically an art form in itself and since she had the time on her hands to practice , she got pretty good at it

she started posting her looks on social media , gaining a little bit of attention on her instagram and later even starting a youtube channel ( at the time it was called pinkglitter2234 bc she was like 13 and cringey ). doing makeup and making youtube videos was her new favorite pass time and pretty much all she did throughout high school . kids in her school started recognizing her as “the the girl who talks funny and makes youtube videos” ,, so that’s pretty cool ig

it really wasn’t until her senior year that her channel gained a serious following . by the time she graduated she worked her way up to 1m subscribers and just a few hundred thousand away from having 1m on instagram too . CRAZY . and since youtube had become a serious job to her that she wanted to continue doing , she figured that she’d take a gap year off just to focus on that and building her personal brand . so she moved out and got an apartment in the city , paid for all by herself ( though mommy and daddy’s money certainly helped furnish it with all her lavish stuff ) and got to WORK

that ONE gap year turned into a gap... three years ??? she never applied to university and honestly she doesn’t plan to anytime soon ! her social media career has never been more poppin’ tbh . she has like over 8m subscribers on her main channel ( now called makeupmckenna ) and just a little bit under that on her vlog channel . she’s had various partnerships with different makeup brands , colourpopcosmetics , morphe , and lancôme just to name a few . on her channel she also does fashion / styling videos , which has gained her attention from several brands that have sent her pieces to promote and invited her to see their shows at fashion week and whatnot . big money moves basically !!

okay now for her secret : basically ,, kenna is hard-working don’t get me wrong , but she’s also obsessed with increasing her following and is willing to do anything if it means signal boosting herself and becoming more successful . so basically , at one point she made a fake account that posed as one of her “haters” “exposing” her-- and since no publicity is bad publicity , it got more people talking about her and following her . she even made a sob story youtube video in response to the “hate” she was getting and the rumours that were sparking because of it . the account has since been deleted but that doesn’t mean that the screenshots of the rumours aren’t still circulating the internet . it’s been a few years since the “scandal” but that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t get talked about from time to time

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

personality-wise : kenna is a sweetheart ! at least on the outside ! like she lowkey has selfish motives sometimes when it comes to gaining online popularity , but outside of social media she is genuine and goofy and a good friend i swear . would give you the designer clothes off her back if you’re close to her . also affectionate because she’s from a big family that actually has a healthy relationship with each other ( minus kenna’s minor jealousy she used to harbor as a kid... she’s kinda grown out of it now as a young-adult who’s successful in her own right ) so she loves to love . super materialistic though . loves shiny things and owning the newest trendy stuff . definitely thinks that money can buy happiness and she’s super stubborn so you cannot convince her otherwise . loves attention , will do just about anything to get it but if it doesn’t fit her “pristine girl next door” image then she’ll have to do it in secret . and since she has made a name for herself as being “innocent” , she doesn’t party too much . just not a big fan of that lifestyle

just bc she never went to college DOES NOT MEAN that my girl is dumb  .. she actually likes to keep learning new things by constantly reading and trying out new skills . she’s v much a jack of all trades but a master at none . minus her ability to beat her face and talk to a camera lol

she’s fluent in both english and welsh , and used to have an accent when she was younger but has since taught herself to sound super american . she thinks it makes her more appealing idk

very family orientated and keeps in close contact with her siblings and parents despite the fact that they live all around the world doing their own things

has collabed with loads of famous peeps not just for youtube videos but getting to do their makeup for gigs . she’s gotten to a point in her career where she’s able to bridge the gap between influencer and professional artist y’know what i mean ??

loves dogs . has a dog named tate who frequently makes appearances in her posts :)))

consumes an unhealthy amount of caffeine daily

doesn’t know how to drive . doesn’t even have a license or anything and who knows if she’ll ever learn tbh

she’s bisexual but has only come out to her close friends and family . hasn’t outwardly said anything to her following but they can probably make assumptions considering who she’s been seen getting close to . like it’s not a big deal to her , she likes who she likes , but also doesn’t think it’s anyone else’s business besides whoever she’s dating / sleeping with at the time

W A N T E D  C O N N E C T I O N S ↴

EDIT : i have in fact made a wc page so peep that here if ya want ! xox

[chlorophyii]

Life for villains isn't as peaceful and stress free as everyone makes it out to be. It’s fucking stressful and boring, like imagine not being able to go out without looking over your back and trying to hide your face. Though I’m not on a wanted list, you still have to be suspicious because of the people I’m affiliated with.

Pulling on my white coat and washing my hands, I pull out a tablet and start doing my rounds on the Nomu. This fucking job is boring, but the only reason I’m still here is because of him.

The man.

The one who stole my heart.

That fucking crusty ass.

I swear he didn’t even know what lotion or chapstick is. Well he was practically raised by potato lookin ass One for All so it's reasonable.

After doing all the rounds on the inprogress Nomu’s, I go and place the tablet on the table next to the doctor sitting in his chair. I swear ive never seen him anywhere except in that fucking chair, like does he even know how to walk? Or take bathroom breaks? I don’t know he’s a strange dude, and the exact reason he doesn’t know much about me.

“Done already?” He questions.

“Yeah, I wanted to be there when Shigaraki gets back.” I say pulling my purse onto my shoulder, then walking around collecting medical supplize.

“What do you need that for? I would think a woman of your capabilities wouldn’t need that.” He says, turning around slouching in his chair adjusting his glasses.

“Yeah but you know they're all stubborn assholes so.” I say chuckling.

He laughs back in agreement, “I would get moving if I were you, they should be back any minute, Ms. GAY(this some gay shit).”

I look at my watch, “Shit.” I speed walk to the door, “Night, Doctor.” He responds with a night but I’m already out the door. “Creepy old man.” I say under my breath.

I hurry down the street, not wanting Shigaraki to return to an empty house after his first real “outing” since the USJ incident. I show up to an empty bar and take off my shoes and walk behind the bar and start making myself a drink. I throw in some ice and pour the whiskey in. I slowly sip the drink as I look around the bar slowly realizing it. This place fucking sucks.

Why did I have to work with them? Fuck. If I wasn’t I would be in some fancy schmancy hospital helping people. Not hurting them. Fuck how did I get myself into this, and I told myself not to let me feelings control me and yet here I am, fallin for a man adamant on destroying the hero society. The door creaks open and in walks a group of misfits that would soon call each other family and fight side-by-side. Doing a quick assessment of them it looked like Toga had the most injuries out of all of them. Toga had blood on her dripping from her head and what probably is some else's blood, one of Dabi’s staples got ripped out and his skin separated, Twice looked fine but he was out of it, Splinter didn’t look hurt but under his scales he probably was, and Compress and Magne didn’t look hurt just tired.

“How did it go?” I question.

Then Shigaraki walks in, holding a kid.

“Uh, w-what do you have there?” I question why he brought a CHILD here.

“A KID!” Twice responds so happily. I stand there and blink in fucking shock then it fucking hits me like a train. “WHY WOULD YOU BRING A KID IN THE HERO COURSE TO OUR FUCKING BASE/HOME?” I ask in so much disbelief and shock.

“Were going to convert him to our side.” Splinter says.

I just sigh and put my head into my hands,” Jesus you sound like MIke Pence. Ok there are so many things wrong with this plan, but I don’t have enough time to discuss that, First question, is anyone seriously hurt?” I say as I grab the bag I packed from the Doctor’s office rummaging through it for a sedative.

“Toga has a slight head wound, Splinter might have fractured or bruised ribs, Twice needs the comfort blanket™ and one of my staples ripped.” Dabi states having taken a roll call of sorts on their way back.

“What happened to the kid and Muscular?”

“The kid we knocked him out when we got out of there about an hour ago; Muscular got captured, nothing we could do.” Dabi finished filling me in, keeping in details almost like he’s dealt with medical injuries, which he inevitably had because of the scars. I clean a part on the kids shoulder and inject him with it.

“K. Dabi, Toga, and Splinter stay here; the rest of you guys and girl go clean up, the kid won’t be up till tomorrow. And Shigi, me and you are going to have a talk after this.” I say looking Shigaraki directly in his eyes just so he knows how mad I am.

~Time skip cuz im lazy af and this is boring affff~

“Thank you.” I say after tucking Toga and Twice in.

“No problem.” He says quietly walking away.

“You must of been a good big brother.” I say carefully watching his body language though i didn’t have to look closely to see him stiffen up like a cutting board.

“What?” He says trying to play it off.

“You don’t have to talk about it now but I know you were good, you looked out for them.” I state cleaning my hands.

“Yeah. I tried to at least.” He says quietly.

“How many?” I question wiping my hands off.

“2 brothers, 1 sister.” Ah I knew that he had at least one sister cuz of how he braids Togas hair.

“Ah a full Brady Bunch I see.” I say jokingly trying to break some tension.

“How many do you have?” He asks looking at me.

“1 brother and a bunch of cousins.” I answer truthfully against my better judgement.

“I guess it takes one to know one, huh” He says breaking up shit.

“Yeah it does.” we sit there for a little bit, then he gets up to leave, “Hey Scarface, if you need someone to talk about them to, big sibling to big sibling.”

“Got it, Katara” He says, chuckling a bit.

“Haha real funny, go get some sleep.” I say smiling a bit. He leaves quietly, and I move to Shigaraki and I’s room. I see Shigaraki’s form laying in the bed sleeping, I grab some Pj’s and turn on the shower.

I get out and just want to lay in my bed with Shigaraki in my arms. I lay down with his back still towards me, I lightly draw patterns on his back thinking of all the different possibilities if we had just ran away when I told him to. He turns over and looks at me.

“Hey.” I whisper to be prompted with a hi back.

“Do you wish that we ran away when we were planning to?” I question.

“Maybe.” He responds, I bring my hand up to his face and starts glowing as it slowly heals his chapped lips and scabs that cover his face and neck.

“I love you so much, but sometimes you have some dumbass ideas.” I giggle as I say that, and even he chuckles from it knowing it’s true.

“Yeah but that's why I have you. Cause we both know there's no one in the League that has some common sense.” He says smiling, I laugh at it and I could swear I saw his smile widen.

I pull him more into my arms, him resting his head right on my clavicle, his nose rubbing against my neck.

“I love you too.” He responds finally. We each pull apart a little and attack each other with our lips.

this ending is SHET IM FUVKINH TIRED THO SO HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY LMAO -LOVE CHOLE

[ghost-ghost-baby]

doomed wips

Okie dokie dudes,,,, this is,,,,,, approximately 3k words of uh,,,, my rlly raw bad unedited wips i dont have time for anymore lmao. ft. some poly denki content There is nsfw but it has a warning, read at ur own risk!!!! 

If u rlly wanna see one finished send in an ask!  dropping a tip on my ko-fi nd leaving a message w the one u want wouldnt hurt either

i also included a description w most of them 

This was from the prompts lmao (nsfwish)

Aight so denki and reader ARE dating but they don't know how Yan our boi is,,,, then they like bust him jerking off to their underwear and they're like what the FUCK

Omegaverse!!!!

 “I swear  just did laundry, why is this draw so empty?” You huffed, closing your underwear drawer with more force than you’d intended. “Are they in Denki’s room? He does do my laundry sometimes… omega instincts or something…” you turned back towards the door, the two of you were meant to shower and get ready for bed before he’d come to your room. Surely it wouldn't matter if you just popped in to look around, you were mates after all. Yeah, it's be fine. 

The dorms were relatively quiet, everyone else was outside or out with people enjoying the day. Still, it was weird to just… walk through the halls and not hear anyone. Lost in thought, you barely paused before you pushed open Denki’s door, taking a few steps into the room before you heard a whimper. Your first thought was fear, was Denki hurt? Had someone attacked him? You were rushing to his side without thinking, all but jumping on the bed to see if he was okay. 

Another prompt one!!!

“Don’t worry, my love, I’ll protect you.”

“This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you.”

“God, you have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”

Dragon kiri has been watching the reader for a while and like dropping gifts bc courting and then uh the village find out they a witch and try to sacrifice them and kiri shows up to the rescue!!! 

You'd come home to another package on your doorstep, bound with a red string and adorned with the red scale you were so used to. Smiling as you bent down to pick it up, you were too preoccupied to notice the red eyes that lit up. The packages had been coming for almost a year, and you’d accepted them as a part of your life now. None of them had had gold before, your eyes went wide when you opened it. It was a golden… talon? Tooth? That was your best guess, rested on pure white fur. Where on earth did this come fro? You’d never seen anything like it! 

Yu’d ended up tying the gift around your neck, tucked undereath your shirt and resting close to your heart. It was comforting, you didn’t know why. You were walking home now, you’d just helped a woman with an unwanted child. The village had been your home for three years, and you’d done your best to help everyone you coulod, particuarly the women. However, the men of the village didn’t care for you, and they often glared when you’d pass by. You weren’t magic, you’d just… studied plants your entire life! 

“Well what a surprise! The witch is wandering the forest, all alone.”

“And at night too, haven’t they heard that’s dangerous?” 

Speak of the devil, who else would be out except drunk men,well… and you. 

“I don't want any trouble, I just want to go home.” You kept your voice even despite your mind racing to come up with possible plans. You had a knife in your bag, but you really didn't want to use it. If you did anything it would only make things worse, you needed to try and diffuse the situation. 

“You leaving is the only way that'll happen.” One of them smirked, reaching out to grab your arm. His skin touched yours and you felt your necklace burn, searing your skin as you yelped and jumped away. The men were about to continue their advance when a growl rang out, it made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It was followed by a man walking into the light, hair as red as his eyes and all you could say was damn. Good to know you had your priorities sorted, Y/n. The man turned to you first, mouth set in a grin that revealed how sharp his teeth were. 

“Don’t worry, my love, I’ll protect you!” His eyes went cold as soon as they looked away from you. 

“Now, why don't you guys move along, huh?” 

“Who the hell are you?” The men looked wary now, and it sent a wave of satisfaction through you. You didn't even question who the redhead was, or why he was calling you his love, but you could deal with that later. 

“I’m Eijiro!” Oh, so that was his name.

I came up w this at three am while i was stoned asf  pls let me live (Nsfw)

Reader goes to the bathroom to uh smoke a joint,,,, denki nd shinso come in nd start fucking and reader like whaaaaat oh my god,,,,, take another hit,,,,, then denki like I think I'm bi and shinso was like uh yeah I guessed as much w my dick in ur ass and reader laughs and gets found out and threesome,,,, bonus if they already friends and toshi yan,, toshi like fucks trhe reader through denki

A sigh left you as you sat down in the toilet stall, wasting no time reaching into your pocket to pull out your lighter and the joint you’d been saving. Denki had slipped it to you when you’d complained about stress and being out of weed, and you’d never been more thankful for the blonde. You’d waited until after school to dart into the most private bathroom on campus, somewhere you came often, if you were being honest. You did your best to stay quiet, listening to music as you smoked through one earphone, keeping an ear out for anyone coming. You were over halfway through when the door opened, making you freeze as you heard two familiar voices. 

“Are you sure this is safe?”

“Yeah man! Y/n showed it to me!” 

Oh. Oh no. You couldn’t believe this was happening, hand coming up to cover your mouth as you heard the moans. Your face was bright red, taking another hit because you couldn’t deal with Denki and Shinso doing this. They were your friends! Denki was your best friend, you didn’t want to witness this! But even as you told yourself that you couldn’t deny the heat that bloomed far too low to be innocent. You tried to drown it out, honestly! Focusing on your music and smoking, but god seemed to hate you today, and your phone died two minutes later. Fuck, you were just going to have to wait this out, weren’t you?

 So, here you were, locked in a bathroom stall, stoned, horny and having to listen to your friends fuck each other. It wasn’t just moans and skin slapping, either, they were filthy honestly, and you’d heard some things you didn’t think you’d ever be able to forget.  

“I-I ah, think I might be- mmm- bi!” Denki spoke, well, gasped would be more accurate, and you had to stop yourself laughing, only that idiot would say something like that.

“I guessed as much, my dick is in your ass, Denki.” 

“Oh my god.” You couldn’t help it, you laughed, and that would be your undoing. It was silent for a few beats, and you were beginning to think you’d gotten away with it when the door was ripped open, revealing a livid Shinso and a curious Denki. You could tell they’d been fucking, and that sent another wave through you. Shinso smirked when he saw it was you, Denki’s face breaking into a grin as he leant on the taller boy. 

“Uh, hey guys! Fancy uh, seeing you… here?” You tried to break the silence, ignore how hungry Shinso looked, ignore the way Denki looked you up and down, ignore that they were both still hard. 

It didn’t work, and before you could react hands were grabbing you and pulling you closer to them. You ended up standing between them facing Shinso and with Denki far too close behind you, if he moved a centimetre he’d be pressed up against your ass. 

“Fancy it indeed, tell us, what were you doing here, Y/n?” Shinso’s tone was lazy, his hand rubbing up and down your arm and making it much harder to think.

“Uh I uh… came here to smoke? And then uh… you guys came in and-”

“You decided to listen to us fuck like some pervert?” 

“No! No that’s not it at all.” You tried to defend, throwing a look for help at Denki. He ignored you, golden eyes dark and fixed on SHinso. 

“It’s okay, Y/n, Denki’s a slut anyway, he doesn’t mind.” You blushed at his words, hoping against hope that this was it and you could run back to your dorm and uh… relieve some stress. 

“Now, back to you, hmm? You look quite flustered.” 

“N-No, I’m just uh, Denki?” You looked away when you felt arms wrap around your waist, Denki’s head resting on your shoulder. It would have been fine, if his hands didn’t travel lower, lower, lower-

“What are you doing?” You couldn’t stop yourself yelping, hands flying to Denki’s to try and pry them off. 

“Giving you what you want, wasn’t that clear baby?” Shinso moved closer, you were still distracted by Denki’s hands. 

“You need us as bad as we need you, there’s no point denying it.” 

“Shinso, I don’t-”

“Call me Hitoshi, won’t you? My last name is far too formal for our… relationship, don’t you think?” His hand came up to caress your cheek and you couldn’t speak, your mind stopped working and before you knew it Denki had one hand down your pants.

“Huh?!” You tried to squirm away, letting out a whimper as Hitoshi held you in place, unable to do anything except feel Denki’s fingers slip under you underwear, brushing your clit as he felt around. 

“You’re already so wet Y/n! That’ll make this so much more fun!” You could feel him grinning against your neck, sigh of relief leaving you when he pulled his hand back.

“What do you mean Denki, you need to stop this is-”

Hitoshi cut you off, finger pressed to your lips before it was replaced with his own. Denki seemed content kissing up and down your neck, and you were losing yourself in the sensations before you could stop or pull yourself back. It was a lost cause as soon as your arms wrapped around Hitoshi’s neck, fingers tugging purple strands and that had him moaning. Not one to be left out, Denki let his hands trail over your body, sliding up your stomach to lightly grab your chest before trailing down to your hips. Hitoshi finally pulled away, throwing a smirk your way before he turned you to face his blonde companion. 

“D-Denki?” You stuttered, throughourly breathless and turned on. They just thought you were so cute.

“Wanted you for so long Y/n, love you so much.” He already looks fucked out, if that was possible, babbling as he leant forward to kiss you. You could only kiss him back at this point, let Hitoshi begin tugging your underwear down, moaning as his finger circled your clit. 

“We’re gonna take real good care of you.” You got one last look into purple eyes before you and Denki were moved and shoved against the wall, yelp leaving you as your back made contact. Then lips were on yours again, your hands tangled in golden hair and you moaned as a finger entered you. 

Arranged marriage w shoto who a cold bitch and show no interest,,,, so reader hits it off w dabi,,, shoto get jelly and then threesome smut

This had been your destiny, your fate, ever since you’d turned five, to be wed to the crown prince Shoto, head of the high coven, on your eighteenth birthday. Despite trying to be open minded, and making the best of this situation, your ‘husband’, was making everything much, much hardere than it needed to be. And not in a good way. It had been months, and he’d barely said a word to you in all that time, despite the fact you shared a room, and slept in the same bed. Was it because he was a vampire, and didn’t see it fit to… be open with someone like you? A half breed demon with an affinity for poison? Maybe he thought you’d kill him. You never would, you were nice, despite your heritage despite what people would assume. You’d taken to wandering the castle since then, doing your own thing, even if it was rather lonely. 

You’d never been to this part of the castle before, it wasn’t bad… but it left an odd feeling in your stomach, something you couldn’t quite place. There were paintings on the wall, colours bright and vibrant, but still… wrong. A door sat at the end of the hall, curiosity winning you over as you walked towards it, some strange pull urging you on. The bite on your neck tingled, the mark that proved you and Shoto were… bonded. Bonds were meant to have all sorts of things attached, magical things. None of that had happened to you, however, maybe there was something wrong with you? The door loomed, pulling you out of your thoughts because now your hand rested on the knob and it was hot. It creaked as you pushed it open, your eyes curious and darting around the room, only to land on-

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You covered your eyes, you didn’t know someone was in her, someone hot and shirtless!

“It’s okay doll, look all you like.” His voice was nice, nice enough that you lowered your hands to look at the man. He was tall, lanky, but that didn’t hide the fact he looked strong. And the… you didn’t know what to call them, scars? Only added to his image.

“What uh, happened?”

“Long story doll, but to cut it short? I stood up to a tyrant, and he didn’t like it one bit. You can call me Dabi.” He seemed to read your mind, leaning back against the wall and letting his eyes wander over your form. A blush spread through you at his gaze, you weren’t wearing much, just a small red dress that seemed far too inappropriate for the occasion. 

“I’m uh, I’m Y/n.”

“Oh, so you’re the one married to my little brother, huh? How’s he been treating you?” Blue eyes burned into you, and you couldn’t stop the truth spilling out.

“Oh, fine… it’s just… he’s a tad cold. We haven’t really… clicked.” You shrugged, eyes downcast as you stared at the floor, missing the sympathy mixed with desire that flashed through Dabi’s eyes. 

“”Yeah, that's Shoto for you, he’s never really been one for people.”

Dabi and you had grown… close over the months. You’d leave for his quarters early in the morning, and only returned to yours when you needed to sleep. You hadn’t let him… bite you… but things had happened, just kisses here and there, but enough to make you feel guilty.  Shoto and you didn’t speak, but his eyes seemed to be on you more than before. You were walking back to your room, humming to yourself as you were lost in your thoughts, you’d be lying if you said they weren’t about Dabi. He was so nice, and attentived, alwasy listening and showering you in compliments and… you really did feel something for him. 

“Where have you been?”

“Shoto?” Your eyes widened at your husband sitting on your bed, scowl fixed on his face.

I wish i could finish this lmao,,,, ;((((

Aight so they in an,,, established relationship,,, denki nd reader were together nd then both were like ooooh shinsoooooo,,,, reader was gettin flirted w but is uh,,,, a lil obliviousd,,,, they fuck,,, in the dorms,,, reader was like,,,, a lil stoned thanks to denki

Shinso class b nd denki nd reader r class A

Classes had been… even more exhausting than normal. You were excited to be graduating soon, of course! But damn, the teachers couldn’t go easy on you? Denki had been uh, dealing with the stress in his own way, which was smoking a lot of weed, you did join him from time to time, today being one of them, but hey, at least he liked your cooking? You’d collapsed on your bed as soon as you’d gotten to your room, too relieved to even wonder where your boyfriends were, they were usually here before you. Somehow managing to stand up, you changed into something more comfortable, brows slioghtly furrowed as your boyfriends still didn’t show. The door opened just as you were reaching for your phone, revealing a rather flushed Denki and oh.

“Sorry I took so long babe, Hitoshi got me first.” He grinned, making a beeline for you and wrapping his arms around your waist. You let the blonde lead you back to your bed, a giggle leaving you when the two of you fell onto the bed, Denki kissing along your neck in the way he knew you loved. 

“Where is he now?” You pushed him off briefly, brows furrowed. You missed Hitoshi, Denki and you were in the same class, but Hitoshi was in 3-B, so you didn’t see him as much, something that bothered all of you.

“He’s coming, just had to pick something up.” Denki was more focused on kissing you, and you were happy to oblige now you knew Hitoshi was on his way. 

You were on top of Denki by the time Hitoshi got back, Denki’s shirt and your hoodie were thrown somewhere on the floor, and his hands were on your ass. 

“Glad you two are enjoying yourselves.” He leant back against the door, smirking as you tried to untangle yourself from Denki. 

“Toshi! You’re finally- ah- here!” Denki didn’t let you go, arms wrapped tight around your waist to stop you moving.

[hyunsunglix]

deadlines | h. jisung

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: fluff + college au

requested?: no i just love college boys

word count: 2.4k+

a/n: kicking it off strong w my first post on here lol anyway i had a little too much fun writing this AND i even threw in some cameos ... if u catch them u get a gold star so watch out -sam

“this is so hard!” you whine, slumping over onto the chemistry notes you hadn’t bothered to finish. you turn your gaze towards your friend, kyungjoo, who gives you a fake sympathetic look.

“i know, y/n, i know, it’s just so hard for you to sit here for two hours and stare at him-“ she points her pencil at a boy sitting a few rows in front of you- “the whole time.”

“it is!” you defend yourself, although your heart isn’t truly in it, because the boy kyungjoo’s pointing at has caught your attention once again.

he looks like any other student in a typical 8am class- messy hair, sweatpants, hoodie. looking over the lecture hall, you probably would have missed him if you didn’t already know where he sat. which, for the record, was on the left side, fourth row, surrounded by other guys from his fraternity. of course.

as you tune yourself further in to the guys’ conversation, and begin to ignore whatever life advice kyungjoo is trying to give you now, you realize that the fraternity is talking amongst themselves excitedly- really excitedly.

“who are you bringing?”

“chan, your girlfriend is coming right? and minho’s coming too?”

“changbin, you’re going to have a hell of a time getting enough beer for all of us.”

and lastly, “are you gonna do it tonight?” “of course i’m gonna do it tonight; can’t wait any fucking longer.”

a party. of course there’s a party. there’s one practically every friday night, and every friday night, you don’t go. you use the age old excuse of “oh, i wasn’t invited!” but you know nobody needs an invite to a frat party. you’re just waiting for one anyways.

you tell this to kyungjoo as you come out of your dazed state. she laughs at you, telling you maybe she’ll take off to the frat party and have a little fun with someone while you stay in the dorms, staring at the blank chemistry notebook that’s taunting you right now. it seems to get closer, and closer, and closer- until your professor’s voice rings throughout the hall.

your body lurches, and your spine hits the back of your chair almost involuntarily. the sound of it is comically deafening compared to kyungjoo’s quiet laughter, and the whispers of the frat boys just a few rows in front of you.

“for part of your midterm assessment, you will be required to complete a group project- your own presentation, adequately covering a section of one of the units we’ve completed in class thus far. remember, the best way to learn is by teaching. your groups have been assigned at random; if you have any problems with your group members, please speak with me privately. to save time, i’ll be putting the list on the board.”

then, projected onto the whiteboard, is your fate for the next week. you scan the list for your name, your name, your name… for a moment after you see it, you forget if it’s even yours, because all you can see is the name han jisung sitting right underneath it.

y/n. han jisung.

han jisung. y/n.

you reach desperately for kyungjoo, nearly choking her in your own panic. “oh, are you doing electronegativity?” she muses. “i’d be pissed if i had to do that, too.”

“no, i-“ frankly, you don’t even know what section you’re covering; it doesn’t really matter now, anyway, because you’re convinced you’re fucked no matter what. “just look, kyungjoo!”

she manages to stop her gaze from wandering the lecture hall, up and down the aisles like a kid in a candy store, and squints at the board. her eyes blow open the moment she sees your name, but she forces them back and grins at you. “aw, have fun you little lovebird!” she squeals as a member of her own group tugs her away from you. you think you might actually choke her later.

the students are clearly splitting off into their groups, so you feel pressured to do the same- but not before you scout out jisung, and check (and then double check and triple check) to make sure it’s not too weird if you walk straight up to him right now. it’s not. “what the hell were you expecting?” you whisper to yourself as you walk towards the front of the room. it feels like a hike, miles long, and it could be placebo, but you swear you’re a little bit winded by the time you reach his desk.

he beats you to the punch. “hi, y/n.”

“hi, jisung,” you reply, leaning ever so slightly over the tabletop. “who else is in our group?” you try not to let any nervousness show in your voice.

“oh, jiwon is working with us, but she’s, ahem, ‘sick’ today.” the air quotes he puts around the word “sick,” are almost endearing, until the image of a hungover jiwon- kyungjoo’s friend, an absolute doll you’ve had the privilege of meeting a few times- pops into your mind. “oh, yikes.”

“yeah, yikes is about right.” he pauses, shaking his head at nothing, then looks back up at you. “sit down.” he motions to the chair next to him.

you grasp for conversational straws as you take your seat, “so, i heard your frat is having a party this weekend?” dumb question; of course they’re having a party. you know they are.

“yeah, we are!” the tone of excitement he had when talking to his friends comes back, and it makes you smile. “oh my god, y/n, you should come!”

the smile drops off your face, an expression of pure shock left in its trail. “really?”

“i mean, as long as you’re down for it. it’ll be fun; a ton of people are gonna be there.” he gives you a little nudge with his elbow, and you feel yourself falling into his trap. it’ll totally be fun, won’t it? you think to yourself. you take one look at jisung and decide, yeah, it will.

“i’ll come.”

his smile is even wider than yours. “great; it starts at 9, but you can come whenever. and you don’t have to bring anything, just yourself.”

“i’ll probably come with kyungjoo, is that okay?”

“oh, that’s perfect!”

+

“that’s perfect!” kyungjoo tells you as she adjusts your outfit in the mirror. you would beg to differ, but you keep your mouth shut, because kyungjoo looks stunning herself- so if she thinks you look good, that must mean something, right?

you run your own hands down your outfit’s front. sheer material, sprinkled with baby blue glitter, covers you from your neck down to the middle of your thighs, and its sparkle almost distracts from the delicate white slip dress you wear underneath. kyungjoo passes you your shoes and steps away as you put them on, since they give you quite a few inches over her already shorter frame. “i don’t want to be seen next to you,” she jokes.

you head out of the dorms together, wrapped in jackets to protect not only yourselves, but also the shock factor of your outfits. you don’t want to give everything away just yet, especially not to any of the boys sitting out on their frat houses’ front porches because they think they’re too good for anyone’s parties but their own.

the few people on the front lawn turn a blind eye to you and kyungjoo, so you slip through the door without anyone noticing. inside, the air is heavy with the scent of alcohol and the sound of music. mentally, you start preparing a plan to split up with kyungjoo and search the place for jisung- the idea of not having anyone to attach yourself to makes you jittery, but jisung was the only reason you showed up, really, so you’d be damned if you didn’t find him, you have to find him, but you’re getting a little hot in your jacket, so you start to unzip it- and then you see him.

amongst the lazy sway of the party, his dash through the kitchen and into the foyer is hard to miss. that, and he runs straight into you. as he uses your shoulders to steady himself, he pushes your jacket off. you barely hear it hit the floor- time slows and your senses numb as you watch jisung give you what might be the slowest once-over of all time. “y/n,” he mumbles. his voice proves he’s more drunk than you expected him to be. “i’m glad you showed up.” it’s not a you look good, which is what your heart really wanted, but it’s a start- until it ends.

a wide-eyed blonde girl, someone you recognize as being a few years older than you, comes up behind him. “jisung,” she says, her voice like a siren’s song. he turns slow, too slow for her taste, and so she tugs his arm. “jisung,” she repeats, louder this time. this draws the attention of some of the people in the kitchen, and a boy from the football team comes out. “han!” he claps his hand on jisung’s back.

more people follow, and jisung’s eyes widen as he’s pulled in a dozen directions at once. under pressure, you let go of his hand. you didn’t even realize you had grabbed it, yet you missed the feeling of it as soon as it was gone. kyungjoo slips her hand into yours in jisung’s place, and drags you into the living room. “come on, we’re gonna have some fun!”

your idea of fun at the beginning of the night hadn’t been eavesdropping on the sorority girls’ game of never have i ever, but as time dragged on, you managed to trick yourself into thinking it was interesting- jiwon was there, at least, so you and kyungjoo had an excuse to hang around. eventually, she stood up and left the circle, saying something about getting more drinks for the group. “jiwonnie, can you get us some too?” kyungjoo pleads.

“i thought you weren’t drinking tonight,” you whisper to her.

“change of plans.” she gives you the same look she gives you when you talk about jisung, and you’re forced to nod.

jiwon enters the room again with what must be an armful of beers. she passes one to each girl seated on the floor, then hands one each to you and kyungjoo. you expect her to rejoin the sorority girls, but she climbs onto the sofa next to you. “y/n, i thought you’d be with jisung.”

“yeah, i thought i’d be, too,” you sighed, not meeting her eyes.

“yeah… he’s looking for you, actually.”

you nearly spit out your drink. “what? but he ran off with- with-”

“yuju.” jiwon finishes. “but that didn’t last long, he’s not that into her and she’s not that interesting, anyway. he’s looking for you, y/n.”

she’s begging the question, so you ask. “where is he?”

“outside, on the deck.”

you make your way across the house with the beer that you didn’t need and weren’t going to drink, finally feeling like you had a place at the party. when you spot jisung on the deck, he’s sitting on the railing, a spot next to him that looked as if it had been saved for you- your place.

“hey,” jisung greets you as you climb over the railing, guessing you’re just another sorority girl there to butter him up. but when he turns to look, you swear you can see his eyes sparkle from something that’s not the moonlight. “y/n,” he whispers.

“jisung.” you grin like a giddy schoolgirl, even though you know there’s lipstick staining your teeth and the slightest hint of alcohol on your breath.

“where were you?” he asks.

“i was with kyungjoo. you were with yuju, right?” you hope you’re wrong.

“yeah, for like, a minute. and then i came outside to wait for you.” he waited for you. the thought makes your heart jump, and then sink, as you realize you were the one that kept him waiting for so long, kept him with yuju, away from you.

“how was she?” you want to smack yourself as soon as the words pass your lips. you barely know yuju, all you know is no matter what jisung says about her, it’s going to upset you. your mind trails through dark hallways and crowds of people, thinking about jisung and yuju drinking, talking, laughing with each other, all while you were silent in the living room.

“fine, i guess… but i’d rather have been with you.” he pulls you into his side. you can feel it, you can see it, you can smell his cologne and just barely imagine what his lips would taste like, all while the world roars around you with a vigor that makes you feel small.

“sorry for keeping you waiting.” your voice is so soft you feel like it might get lost in the hum of the night, everything buzzing around you like you’re trapped in a lightbulb on the verge of blowing out.

“it’s okay, i’ve got all the time in the world.” his hand drifts up your side, tapping with his fingertips the same way you would touch a crystal glass. seconds that feel precious to you chip away from your body.

“do you really?” you blurt.

“yeah, do you not?”

“i mean, i wouldn’t say i do.”

“maybe you’ve got a little more time than you think.” there’s a cadence to his voice, which matches how he sways from the drinks he’s had. you look at him, slow, and he looks back at you, slower, with hair and eyes like molasses.

and then he crashes into you, sugary sweet and warm, and you feel yourself melting into him like it’s the only thing you have left to do. it’s the only thing you can think about, anyway, with it sticking in your mind so hard you feel like you’re reliving the same three second every time jisung pushes his lips against yours again. when he finally pulls away, you can barely catch up, leaving you with your shoulders drooping, your eyes half-lidded, licking your lips like there’s still something left on them, and you want it, bad.

“why’d you do it?” you ask, skipping over telling him how much you enjoyed it. there’s no way he doesn’t already know.

“i told myself i’d do it tonight.” he strains to keep his voice slow once again; the world inside his head moving far too fast after kissing you. “couldn’t wait any fucking longer.”

[hati-skoll]

Fuck(!) Divine Intervention (2/3)

[AO3] [Part One]

The astrals may denounce him an unruly, ungrateful bastard – and they're well entitled to their wrong and completely hypocritical opinions – but let it never be said that Ardyn Izunia (previously Lucis Caelum) is a sad, boring dullard of a villain.

If there's any bigger insult to the way they've ruthlessly stripped him of his birth right and cast him aside as one would soiled diapers, it'll be to pigeonhole him in the role of the pathetic, maniacal incarnation of pure evil, bent on total destruction for no reason other than just that. How trite. How mundane. How dreadfully lazy.

No, Ardyn's had centuries, twenty of them actually, to help that stuffy prick Bahamut set the stage for a brilliant grand finale. It will be glorious, a beautiful, tragic swan-song that'll go down the ages. But then of course, it only takes the gods ten minutes to derail the carefully crafted climax he's been meticulously planning for ten years.

"I see you're still struggling with human colloquialisms, my dear," Ardyn says, when Shiva appears in his office on the top floor of Zegnautus Keep, unannounced – no appreciation for locked doors, that goddess, "There's no shame in that, I consider modern language rather tricky myself. But I'm sure you meant to say, 'it's a pregnant moment', as opposed to 'he's pregnant'."

Shiva narrows her eyes at him, slighted by the correction no doubt.

Ardyn continues. "You see, the former would mean that you are emotionally invested in the outcome of your little King's pathetic struggling. And the latter would mean-"

"He is with child," Shiva says.

"Well, yes," Ardyn waits for Shiva to tell him he's right, waits for her to avail him with divine knowledge of whatever has brought her to his little shoebox of an office and when none of that is forthcoming, he resists the urge to stamp his foot. "He is a boy. How is he with child?"

"The oracle-"

"Put a baby in him?" It must be Jester's Day; the astrals must be playing an awfully tasteless joke on him, there must be some other reason for Shiva's visit other than the ludicrous notion that the Chosen King is pregnant, "I've always been under the impression that females carried the offspring."

"I'm afraid my brethren misconstrued Lunafreya's intentions when she prayed for life."

"They thought she wanted her husband-to-be pregnant," Ardyn says, voice uncharacteristically flat.

"By his lovers, yes, you can see how the vague wording allows room for misinterpretation."

No, no he doesn't see how the vague wording allows room for misinterpretation, not when Noctis is, for all intents and purposes, a boy – as in male, as in lacking the right organ for childbearing purposes hereafter referred to as a womb.

Shiva continues talking, perfectly reasonably as if the gods haven't just made the most colossal, imbecilic gaffe known to Eos in the past five centuries – only rivalled by the time one of Ardyn's own grandnephews thought it possible to drink the sea dry (he wonders how they've managed to keep their rule for so long). "I understand your agenda involves delivering the Chosen King to the crystal. Should you wish to see your plans to fruition, it would be wise to keep in mind that he is… less sturdy than you might have imagined."

"Can't you… magic the foetus away?"

"Not at the moment," Shiva says, "Not without great risk to the Chosen King."

And with that she vanishes. Without so much as a by your leave. How unspeakably rude. But then the gods were never one for niceties.

Right scoundrels they were, going around impregnating people and leaving others to deal with the repercussions, like… like deadbeat fathers! Oh, that was a thought. Ardyn almost feels sorry for his great-grandnephew. He may even be developing some unwilling sense of solidarity, since they're both being made to host foreign, life-draining entities in their bastardised bodies.

Between the two of them, they've a wailing bundle of petrifying, nightmarish terrors and… a fairly decent cacophony of daemons.

Ardyn is very nearly certain that Noctis has drawn the shorter stick on that count.

-

He spends the next couple of days corralling his scourge-infected and magitek underlings in the facility, because it won't do to have the Chosen King… expire from shock or whatever it was expectant fathers do.

It's a terrible pain, to have to rework his intricately planned masterpiece almost in entirety, but needs must. The Snagas will almost definitely have to go – they're notoriously dreadful at listening to instructions. There's a possible correlation with their scourge-shrunk stature and diminutive brain size, although there hasn't been enough research in the area to prove the theory factually sound.

He's right in the midst of sending those ankle-biters out when he's rudely reminded that Aldercapt and Ravus are inconsiderate buffoons who have the absolute worst timing ever. An altercation in the throne room, Shiva's disproportionate tits, on a weekend? They're not even paid for overtime!

Aldercapt sends Ravus flying a few stories down, just before Ardyn arrives on scene. The old man always had a flair for cheap theatrics, nothing as polished as the beautiful punchlines Ardyn delivers. But one can hardly expect perfection from a mere mortal, especially so deluded a one. Ravus is struggling to stand as Ardyn approaches him. And Ardyn briefly considers sticking to his original plan of ending the Oracle's line, but… the Chosen is now pregnant, and unfortunately, Ravus may still be of some use.

"At last you've arrived Noctis," Ravus says as Ardyn draws near. Hm, not very lucid, he's probably lost one too many brain cell in that fall. Maybe Ardyn ought to kill him after all. Let that annoying brat of a great-grandnephew find his almost-brother-in-law's corpse.

Ardyn calls a blade to his hand, before remembering that mood swings may be debilitating for pregnant mothers according to the internet, and they shouldn't be subjected to unnecessary emotional upheaval. Ugh. Bahamut's puny balls.

He dissolves the blade and offers Ravus a jaunty wave instead. "High Commander, I'm afraid I don't have the time to deal with your adorable little rebellion, if you could have it rescheduled to next week that would be just lovely."

"You-" Ravus starts, hackles rising, but it only takes a casual flick of his wrist, and the Oracle's boy slumps like a puppet with its strings snapped.

That ought to do it. Ardyn casually steps over Ravus' prone form, humming that incredibly catchy victory tune that's been stuck in his head for weeks- a veritable hit in the daemon's Billboard charts, that one, perhaps they've come to associate it with absolution. He none-too-gently prods Ravus with the toe of his boot and Ravus slides sideways, head thumping against the metal railing at an odd angle. The lad's going to get a crick in his neck sleeping like that. A terrible, terrible crick.

A pain in the neck for his pain in the neck. Oh, how delightfully, poetically evil. Slightly cheered, Ardyn heads back to his Snagas.

-

And then the Chosen King is on his doorstep, separated from his Shield, his Hand and his armiger, and looking rather miffed. Ardyn hasn't seen fit to dismantle the Wallbreaker Wave, not when one of his great-grandnieces somehow induced an early labour by warping too much. He is not about to take that risk with Noctis. This leads to Noctis flailing about and swearing like a sailor, when Ardyn recalls too late that in his haste to clean out the keep, he's swept all the extra daemons just outside their door, so the welcoming party for Noctis and his band of merry men is… a bit… much.

No matter, Noctis manages to tuck roll his way through the mess. Ardyn is reluctantly impressed, how is the brat not hurling yet? He's practically turning cartwheels and he's pregnant!

Thankfully, Noctis ends up in the somewhat safer confines of Gralea's imperial facility none the worse for wear, although clearly out of breath. Ardyn waits as his great-grandnephew pants and curses and pants some more, it goes on for about a minute- does pregnancy affect one's stamina? He'll have to search that up on the internet later. Assuming the servers are still operational. Although, he supposes it's just the extra weight around the middle that might throw someone off. But Noctis… Ardyn squints at the surveillance feed, hm… doesn't seem to be showing yet.

Oh, now he's dry heaving. And he's taken to abusing a trash can.

Ardyn's been expecting some moping, some tears maybe, but he hasn't expected a tantrum. "Step away from the innocent trash can, Your Majesty. I assure you it has nothing to do with your current affliction."

"It's just the flu," Noctis snipes, not very convincingly.

"Flu? Your Majesty, I'm sure you mean the morning sickness – very common symptom in the first trimester of your pregnancy. Do they not teach you these things in Lucis? What happened to all that extra government budget your father pumped into the education sector?"

"I'm not pregnant!"

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You-" Why is he arguing with the brat like an astral-forsaken five-year-old? Ardyn sighs, "Oh, you don't have to keep the bun in your oven under wraps, Shiva's told me in no certain terms that I'm to be mindful of your delicate condition."

"Bun in my- what?"

"The baby," Ardyn says slowly, "In your womb. Magical, astral-blessed womb."

Noctis is beginning to look rather pale again and Ardyn's about to politely suggest the brat visit the bloody toilet before he pukes all over Ardyn's shiny, clean floor when an awful, brilliant thought strikes him. "They haven't told you."

"They- You're lying!" the brat accuses – which is rather rude, really – but Ardyn sees the flicker of uncertainty on his face and he knows Noctis is slowly joining the dots to reach an altogether impossible conclusion. Oh, this is amazingly dastardly. It truly is. The astrals are simply masters at being callously cruel brutes. Ardyn's thought he's gotten the hang of their wicked ways, but no, no, the Six are just so effortlessly vile it's utterly spectacular.

"Why don't you put on that ring of yours, O Chosen King, and ask daddy dearest yourself?"

The brat makes a face like he's considering tossing the ring just to spite Ardyn, but his better sense eventually wins out, and he petulantly removes it from his pocket – oh such indolent disregard for millennia-old family heirlooms – and shoves it on his middle finger, pointedly at the camera.

He zones out for exactly eight minutes and thirty seven seconds.

After which, he's kicking the poor trash can with renewed vigour.

"You're not taking news of your pregnancy very well," Ardyn observes.

"I-" the brat starts, before doubling over and gagging with a hand over his mouth.

"Room to your right, first door on your left," Ardyn tells him and the brat actually listens for once.

He makes it to the toilet bowl just in time, regurgitating water and stomach acid. The brat ought to be grateful that Ardyn has had all the toilets cleaned spotless just prior to his grand entrance. But of course his pampered, cloistered great-grandnephew takes things like properly sterilised sanitation facilities for granted. And oh, fine, if Ardyn's giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may be a little too preoccupied with puking his guts out to marvel at the perfectly polished porcelain surface of that toilet bowl he's intimately making an acquaintance of.

"You know, this wouldn't have happened if you'd just kept your legs closed," Ardyn says as his pregnant great-grandnephew clings desperately onto the toilet bowl.

"Are you," the boy gags and coughs for several seconds before he continues, "slut-shaming me?"

Slut-shaming… he's unfamiliar with the terminology, but it's clearly a complex predicate of slut and shame, which makes it fairly self-explanatory. Noctis is a slut, and he's shaming Noctis – that seems accurate enough. He quite likes the word, actually. "Yes, I am."

"I'm going to kill you," the brat yells into the toilet bowl, "You tricked my dad, you hurt Luna, you stole our crystal, and now you're criticizing my sex life!"

"Oh astrals, do refrain from hysterics. It's bad for the baby."

-

Ardyn's supposed to be having the time of his life, watching the astral's pathetic Chosen scramble through Zegnautus' winding pathways like a rat in a maze, but instead, he's babysitting an increasingly testy, pregnant great-grandnephew, who's making excruciatingly slow progress because he's rushing to toilet every five minutes.

"I thought they'd invented this nifty thing called condoms. Apparently, you put it on your penis – or well, you have your lovers put it on theirs, since you're evidently not on the penetrative side of things – during intercourse and it prevents unplanned pregnancies. Also the transference of sexually transmitted diseases, a serious concern considering your obviously promiscuous lifestyle."

"Who's pregnant?"

"Why, you are," Ardyn sighs, "Is memory loss a symptom of your pregnancy or have the gods sent an idiot to fight for their cause?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Ardyn double-takes at the screen, belatedly realising that he has it switched to the wrong feed, so it's Noctis' paramours who are staring up at him through the cameras, from all the way on the other side of the keep, looking both mortified and aghast.

"Oh. Wrong number."

It's thoroughly satisfying to watch the confusion and horror dawn on their faces as they began to 'demand you tell us what that means, at once!' He's chortling to himself as he turns his attention back to Noctis.

"I may have accidentally let the coeurl out of the bag, so to speak – about your being pregnant, to your paramours."

"Paramours," the brat repeats, making a face.

"Ah, I forget you younglings speak in a completely different vernacular, I believe the term you use is 'main squeeze'."

The brat shudders and looks ready to vomit again. Oh, dear.

"The nearest toilet is down the corridor to your left," Ardyn supplies helpfully.

The brat glares at what he thinks is a camera, but is really just the automatic air freshener, and enunciates very pointedly, "Fuck you."

What an odd way of thanking someone. Honestly, the younglings' slang is growing more inconceivable by the day.

-

If anyone were to ask Ardyn what he considers the three most romantic words in all of Eos, his answer will likely be– no, not the entirely overused, plebeian 'I love you', he'll have to go with the much more unconventional, 'blast the astrals'. It perfectly encapsulates the passions of his vengeful, scourge-riddled heart. But at this precise moment, he'll make an exception and say, 'blast Gargantuas'. Which is only two words, but conveys his passions just as thoroughly.

He swears he's gotten rid of that Gargantua. Seriously, he has, right with that last group of axemen he shepherded out just the other day. But here it is, clumsily slashing at his pregnant great-grandnephew, who's now falling a hundred feet or so, oh good gods. Who in the name of Ifrit's burning asshole let that bloody thing in again? He'll find them and kill them, but they're probably already dead what with the chaos going on outside.

Nevertheless, this is an excellent time for Ravus to make an appearance. He knows he's kept the Oracle's boy alive for good reason. With a flex of his magic, he propels Ravus awake and up, while changing Noctis' trajectory through a stitch in time, just so that he'll land right… there. Right in Ravus' open arms, beautiful, he really couldn't have timed this better – only the force knocks Ravus off his feet, so they both end up skidding across the metal walkway for a few metres, before coming to a halt in an ungainly sprawl. Well.

At least Noctis appears to be properly cushioned by Ravus' fancy robes.

"Ravus?" Noctis groans, "You're hurt!"

Yes, clueless great-grandnephew mine, that's what happens when people fall from an indeterminate height, after which they're assailed by random kings falling from platforms of other indeterminate heights.

"My thanks," Ravus says stiffly as Noctis cracks an elixir over him.

Noctis shrugs – good gods, has no one taught this boy basic royal etiquette. "No problem. And, uh, thanks for catching me. And for keeping dad's sword safe."

"Now that we've all shaken hands and put the past behind us, perhaps we'd like to make haste back towards the elevator, preferably before Noctis requires another detour to the toilets," Ardyn suggests.

His great-grandnephew clambers up to his feet clumsily, oh dear astrals, he's not miscarrying, is he? Or throwing up? No? Ravus steadies the Chosen King with a firm hand on his elbow, just as Noctis waves an angry fist at… he's not sure what Noctis is waving his fist at, but it's about thirty degrees left to where the cameras are actually placed. "You said you'd cleared that floor of daemons, you liar!"

"I did," Ardyn sniffs, affronted, "I've no idea where that one came from. Stubborn thing. I just shooed it out two days ago!"

"I knew you can't be trusted."

Ravus looks at their Chosen King, and then at the cameras, before turning back to the fuming king at his side, and questioning, "Noctis?"

Ardyn rolls his eyes. "Oh, don't worry, he's the real Noctis, albeit an overly emotional Noctis due to the hormonal fluctuations that come with pregnancy."

"Will you stop announcing to everyone that I'm pregnant?" Noctis snaps, just as Ravus says, "I'm to be an uncle?"

Noctis gives him a look.

"Well, if you're pregnant, it stands to reason that the baby must be Lunafreya's as well."

"Tenebrae didn't invest much into sex education," Ardyn stage whispers over the speakers.

Noctis groans and makes a helpless sort of gesture at Ravus. "I'm a guy. Guys don't get pregnant."

"I know," it's Ravus' turn to sniff with affront, "But the gods will what they will, and my sister had been soliciting their blessings."

"Wow," Noctis says.

"Oh my," Ardyn says, "You're being remarkably level-headed about this, High Commander."

"I am of the blood of the Oracle."

Ardyn purses his lips, before adding gleefully, "Then you must know it is not the Oracle's child His Majesty bears."

"You have been unfaithful to my sister?" Ravus accuses.

Noctis glares at the not-camera, before making a face at his almost-brother-in-law. "Technically, yes, but wait, hear me out. I told Luna, before… before everything happened. And she encouraged me to-"

"Cheat on her?"

"I was going to say 'follow my heart', but if you want to put it that way… Well, yeah."

Ravus stares hard at him for several seconds, before sighing. "As much as I'd like to rake you over the coals, that does sound like my overly generous little sister. And you have always been rather naïve and impressionable-"

"Hey!"

"So it thus falls to me, your only living male family member, by marriage in spirit if not in name, to champion and reclaim your virtue from the knave who has so ignominiously trampled upon your trust and good faith outside the sanctity of holy matrimony."

"Knaves," Ardyn corrects, at his great-grandnephew's frustrated cry.

"Astrals," Ravus says, "I… am terribly sorry, Noctis."

"Why."

"For so many of your people to harbour designs on the purity of their monarch, and worse, to act upon those baser desires of the flesh, it is the gravest felony imaginable. Tell me who the riff-raff are and I shall deliver justice expeditiously."

"Uh, okay," Noctis stalls, "Yeah, um, you don't need to do that," Ravus raises a brow and Noctis quickly continues, "Because! Because… they, uh, the fall! Yeah, when Insomnia went down-"

"They ferried His Majesty away like the good paramours- ah, I mean, crownsguard, they are, in a fancy automobile dearly deceased Regis relinquished, to embark on an incredibly licentious road trip en route to His Majesty's wedding in Altissia."

Ravus snarls. "You have been canoodling with Scientia and Amicitia!"

"And the blond one," Ardyn says.

"Prompto," Noctis corrects, before slapping a hand over his mouth.

"A commoner is mayhap not taught to be reverent of his king's chastity, considering the state of Lucis' public education, but a nobleman has no excuse for such insolence!"

"I like them insolent," Noctis petulantly mutters.

"And for the matter, where are they?" Ravus huffs, "How are they to protect you, as is the duty of Shield and Hand, when they are not present and accountable?"

Ardyn takes that as his cue to hurry the duo along. They've spent far too much time arguing about the Chosen King's virginity – or lack thereof. But it's been so terribly amusing he'll have to forgive the delay in his timetable. With a few quick adjustments to several buttons and switches on the main console, he has a new path made available to the last scions of Lucis Caelum and Nox Fleuret. "Up the elevator, gentlemen."

-

Noctis and his paramours are reunited in a gloriously demonstrative, maudlin, sentimental episode that'll thaw the weariest of hearts – save for ones ravaged by daemons over two thousand years and counting, or ones set on protecting the questionably-existent virtue of the Chosen King. There are hugs all round, and several misty-eyed confessions, maybe a tear or two, slightly wet laughter and quiet, discreet kisses which fail to escape Ravus' unrelenting eagle eye.

The Oracle's boy holds out for all of nine minutes and fifty three seconds, just enough time for them to infiltrate the throne room, shut down the Wallbreaker Wave with extreme prejudice – honestly, great-grandnephew, what has that machine ever done to you – and trace their steps back to the hangar where Ardyn's originally planned a grand confrontation.

Seeing that Ravus is still alive and untainted by daemonic scourge, the confrontation has unfortunately been shelved indefinitely. Ardyn's mourning the death of his ingenious masterplan, when Ravus bursts out, "You… You three have impugned the King's virtue, and I am unable to hold my silence any longer."

Oh, this is… this is an acceptable substitute for the woeful, heart-rending battle that's supposed to take place. Ardyn leans forward in his seat and pulls up the feed across multiple screens. Now, if only he had some popcorn, but the downside to having devastated an entire city is the sad lack of easily available sweet treats.

There's a length of stunned silence, before Noctis' paramours rally around him.

"I assure you any act of intimacy between Noct, Gladiolus, Prompto and myself has only been completely consensual," Ignis Scientia says, slightly defensively.

"Yeah, he wanted his virtue impugned," adds Gladiolus Amicitia, to Ravus' mounting fury and his lovers' obvious exasperation.

"Not that there was any impugning at all, Gladio means," Prompto Argentum squeaks, "No impugning whatsoever."

But the damage is done, and Ravus points an armoured finger at them. "We will duel at dawn."

"I'm not sure if that'll be forthcoming anytime soon," Ignis mutters, and Ardyn finds himself unwillingly amused, ten points to Scientia. "What I mean to say is, Noctis' conduct is outside your purview, Prince Ravus, although your opinions have been duly noted."

"Outside my purview? He was to marry my sister, as his brother-in-law, I find it a mild concern that he is carrying another man's child!"

At that entirely explicit confirmation of Noctis' condition, the three fathers-to-be, defilers-of-monarchs, plunderers-of-royal-virginity gape at Ravus, then at their king's torso with varying looks of bewilderment and resignation.

"So Noct's really pregnant?" Gladiolus balks.

"I'm too young to be a dad!" Prompto wails.

"For once in my life, I'd like my suspicions proven wrong," Ignis says.

Noctis crosses his arms in front of his mildly swelling pecs – his great-grandnephew is going to start lactating soon at this rate – and pins them with an impressively stony glare. "If you don't want the kid, I can take care of him myself."

"Aw, of course, we want the kid, buddy!" Prompto quickly reassures.

"Yeah, we'll help raise the sprog, what sort of fathers do you take us for?"

"I would love any child of yours, Noctis, no matter who his or her other parent may be."

Oh, astrals, Scientia. No. Ardyn quickly grabs for the mic, poised to say something witty, or scathing, he's not sure, just anything to distract the brat before… oh, Ramuh's inappropriately sexy beard, now he's done it. The brat's blubbering like how the little menace pressing on his bladder is going to blubber, whenever they deliver him to terrorize all of Eos. Noctis reaches out to grab whoever's standing closest to him – which turns out to be his Shield – and hiccups. "I love you guys so much."

"We love you too," Prompto replies.

Then they're all holding him and petting him, with nary a care to the exceedingly chagrined Prince of Tenebrae not five metres away, or the impressively intellectual, illustrious Imperial Chancellor who's been guiding them the entire time they've been in this bloody keep, watching them over the cameras – which is terribly insulting, Ardyn thinks.

Titan's shapely butt-cheeks, now there's tongue – he doesn't need to see this – way too much tongue for a two-thousand-year-old great-granduncle, or well, any person remotely acquainted with any of them. Good gods, have some dignity, boys, you're the astrals' Chosen. "Gentlemen," Ardyn coughs into his mic, "You have an audience."

They're still kissing. Why. Why are they doing this? Gladiolus rucks Noctis' shirt up above his swollen nipples, and Prompto slides a hand in between their bodies to palm Noctis' arse. Ignis is placing reverent kisses along his king's jawline and down the line of his neck. Ardyn turns up the volume of his mic. "Boys, that's enough. We know that's how you made the baby."

Astrals, are they unbuckling his belt? And is Noctis smugly grinning at the cameras? He… He is. Oh, that infernal brat. Ardyn's absolutely had enough of this. He slams the heel of his palm down on the giant 'DO NOT TOUCH' button in the middle of the console, and all too suddenly, daemons flood into the hangar.

"Oops. Perhaps His Majesty should run along to the crystal while the rest of you clean up over here."

There is an expected amount of grumbling from Noctis and his paramours, although Ravus looks entirely grateful for the interruption. Clothes righted, his great-grandnephew speeds away to the hangar's exit and Ardyn feels an inexplicable twinge of worry at all that excess warping Noctis is using to get to the doors, while he prepares to leave for the crystal's chambers. Well, then, as amusing as it's been, they both have a long overdue date with destiny.

[twilightvolt]

A 3 month late art summary featuring art that i haven’t uploaded here due to my absence. unless i randomly feel like it, i don’t think i’m gonna go back and upload them here. if you wanna see them, though, they’re all on my DA.

I know i've pretty much said all the important bits in A Sacrifice for the Wind, but i figure i reiterate everything said along with expanding upon everything that occurred during 2017. piece by piece. and yes, i did intend to make an art joke. So, to get it outta the way, 2017 stunk more than a dead fish on a city bus. i lost a lot during that year. i lost the will to believe in whatever the future had in store for me, i almost lost a few friends, i lost my motivation to work on my projects and above all...i lost the smile i've always kept on every year before that. never have i been so emotionally damaged in all 5 years of my artist life leading up to this point. But, i can't say it was completely terrible. as much as i bashed it, art wise, 2017 was a very progressive year. looking at every wedge on the clock, i can't stop staring at how far i've come since the end of 2016. after being stripped of my tablet at the end, i've even learned how to not be afraid of making permanent mistakes. But yeah, let's begin. by turning the clock all the way back to January. when things were much simpler.... January: Hukaro Nakawa ~Final Mix Yeah, this was done in October, but i uploaded it in January for Moon's birthday. plus, there was nothing noteworthy this month. i still remember all the nice comments i got. this was the beginning of a year that i ran right in and yelled "LET'S SHOW THIS WORLD THAT WE WON'T STAND FOR ANOTHER 2016!" Oh how naive i was... February: The Beast Inside Remember when i played a lot of League in my free time? i sure do. anyway, this was my next attempt after Hukaro to continue doing my "Squeenix Cinematic Style." this time on the, at the time, new revamp for Warwick. needless to say, i still think i did a better job on Hukaro. BUT, this was still pretty good. it was during these first few months when things were really lookin' up for me. i was continually working on things cuz i really wanted to make something and school was pretty cool too. March: Digimon ZX Cover ZX ISN'T DEAD I SWEAR! *ahem* I MEAN....hai. owo As we march on into March, i think R2 of Digimon Temporal Jump was going on at the time. we were going through our story entries and things were pretty great being with my best buds. i also began doing art streams i'm pretty sure, with this drawing in particular being done during two days of streaming. i'm being serious, by the way. ZX is not dead. i've been typing up the story on my phone, so look forward to those chapters sometime soon! April: Are You Ready? Yup. in anticipation for Digidestined.Com, i decided to start seriously developing Digimon Unchained ahead of time so people would be able to get to know Yuki beforehand. unfortunately, i didn't actually get to start the story until much later, but that was just me being a lazy bum. i was hangin' out on Discord and stuff, talking about how excited i was for what was to come. we all know what happened, but at the time, being able to go back to the world i once knew with Luneth was a big deal for me. it's like i was going back to the beginning. And fear not, peeps! i've been working on Unchained for quite awhile. you'd be surprised how much i've worked on it with Gao. ^w^ May: Bits n' Bytes Ultima Vocal Collection Oh yeah, i did a birthday gift for Fire too! just so you know, i do still wanna make OSTs for my other Digimon adventures, but without my tablet i can't really do them right now. this month was pretty alright if i remember. making new friends and strengthening bonds with old friends. things were pretty fun in the sun cuz y'know......summer was coming. June: Connection Flow in Ice and Snow AWWW YEEEAAAAH, LET'S KICK IT!!! *Another Way by Girugamesh plays at full blast* (if .Com had a vocal OST, that would be opening.....3 if i remember the list i made. would've been the final opening i think. it's been awhile since i looked at the files.) Now that .Com finally began, i was on the hype train to the sun as i feverishly worked hard on my .Com stuff. this poster was one of my proudest works this year tbh. i promised i would make something great outta this story. this would be the closure that Luneth and Vivi so desperately needed, and Yuki and Arcus would be the ones to save them and close their book for good. not only that, but i was also graduating high school. after throwing my cap in the air, i said my heartfelt goodbyes to all the friends i've known since elementary and middle school including the close friends in my AP Art Squad. Team AP Art Will Never be Apart! honestly, things couldn't be any more exciting for me. Gee, it would be a shame if something were to happen that would trigger a chain of events that would divide my friends forever and send me down a spiraling pain train to the void known as crippling depression. July: DigiJuly Day 5: V-Mon (Vivi) This drawing was done to commemorate three years of adventures with Luneth and Vivi. this was during DigiJuly, when i was doing Digimon doodles nonstop for the duration of the month. What was once a hype train became a train wreck once July came around. things were ok until DTJ burned down in a raging fire and that set the stage for the rest of the year. i literally wouldn't be able to overcome any of this until November or so. i don't wanna dwell on it anymore since i'd be sounding like a broken record at this point. August: D3P: D-Sona 3 Portable Not a lot of art this month either. can you believe that? XD Hoo boy. August. need i say anything more about this month? we thought things settled down after DTJ shut down, but something was amiss.... This was the month that it happened. the climax of the story best left untold....even though i told it a hundred times already. >_>' Outside of the incident, time was running short for our stay at our current home and we were thinking of our next move. i began to worry about college as steep student debt caused us to have a change of plans on where to go. i was beginning to doubt if i even had a future to believe in. i was running out of options, and i was running out of hope. And trust me, it only gets worse from here. September: The Next Generation After awhile, things were still going on outside my realm of knowledge. it only made me feel worse seeing everything transpire long after the initial conflict. with this stigma hanging over me, i finally decided to pack my bags and leave the Digimon group era of my artist life. it was a pretty sour note to end it on, but let's be real here, there was no way i could wait any longer for things to get better. granted, my birthday was awesome, and i couldn't thank everyone enough for coming together to try to bring my spirit back. unfortunately, my bout with depression was just beginning. it was so bad, i pretty much stopped taking care of myself, which would lead to a few days ago when i'd end up with one less tooth in my mouth. i swear i won't let it get that bad again. With everything plummeting down to the dark abyss, i said goodbye to the life i once knew. from here on, things were about to change. i wasn't gonna end here. not now. October: Howling in the Shadows From this month forth, my family had no idea where we were going. the beginning of the tale of the borderline homeless that still continues to this day. Packing away my computer and drawing tablet for what feels like an eternity, i was moving out of my current home that we rented for the duration of my senior year and into grandma's house......in a raging storm. i'm not kidding. the rain was so bad that when we got there, our clothes were completely soaked and we couldn't even see 5 feet ahead of us outside that night. i knew immediately that it was some sort of ill omen for what was to transpire in the coming months. in fact, i even had dreams of the aftermath of what might happen. Now that i was stripped of my digital art abilities, i had to think of something else to do. so, i decided to dedicate myself to going back to traditional art. Boy, did i have fun. November: Return to the Realm of Sleep Now, this was the only thing i was able to crank out in November. BUT, that doesn't mean i didn't draw. i drew stuff, but nothing noteworthy enough to upload here. i'm gonna tell it to you straight now. Arcus will return. With my mental health still kicking me in the butt (it hit me so hard i had a panic attack one day.), i wasn't really motivated to draw much. in fact, i even hid myself away from the internet for quite awhile. without my friends or my sense of purpose, i felt like i had nothing and i was pretty under the weather for a majority of this month. that being said, i snapped myself out of it by force. it was stupid that i still felt the way i did months after what happened. sure, it was horrible, and i wish i could forget everything. but i can't stay stuck in the past. And so, i picked up my colored pencils and other such tools, and began my journey to recovery. December: Lexicon (Lex) and A Sacrifice for the Wind I got the hang of drawing traditionally pretty quickly. throughout the month, i was on fire, drawing masterstroke after masterstroke. (at least, in my opinion. XD) Making my new home in the mobile communities of Amino, it was a nice change of pace from the big screen of my computer. i made a bunch of new friends (to the staff of the Aminos i'm in and the rest of the crew in our Digimon Discord server, you guys are the best and thank you for healing the pain of yesteryear!) and had a grand old time making new OCs, Lex being one of them. i honestly luv Appmon and i wish we got more, but i'm content with what we got tbh. it'll live on in Seikatsu and his friends. be ready to see them once again in the near future! And so, in the wake of destruction as the world continues to change around me, i chopped off my signature anime emo locks, revamped my wardrobe and set my sights toward the future. Nowadays, i've completely moved on from the pain, but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened. overall, 2017 was a complete pile of poopoo garbage and i'm glad the nightmare is finally over. Even if i can't completely write it off as bad, there's just way too many negatives that weigh down the rest of the year for me personally. it's March now and things are pretty hectic, but i've got newfound courage and i know this year will be better than the last. time for me to get back up and charge forth to a better tomorrow!

[caeslxys]

tagged by: @emis!! Thank you this was so much fun I love this stuff

tagging: @fullmetal-the-last-alchemist @arohunk anddd anyone else that’d like to do it I guess!

appearance: 
- I don’t have any pictures of myself on here yet but I actually plan on posting some later so I’ll link them then! - OH and I have red hair and brown eyes bc thinking now those pics are black and white so there’s that 


personality: -Ahh I’ve been told I’m bubbly and nice and really really sarcastic so like my sense of humor can make me sound mean but You’d Be Fooled bc actually I am one of those people that Cannot Say No or Be Outwardly Mean To People Ever. -There are very very little ways to make me dislike you in anyway so if I have a problem w u it’s probably justified tbh 


ability:
 - drawing and writing!! Hopefully 
- I can both stay up till 6 am and sleep til 8 and be perfectly functioning of go to sleep at 6 pm and not wake up until 2 pm the following day and not know wtf is going on - Hand puns. Living w/o a right hand gives you hand jokes For Days and I am both hated and loved for it 


hobbies:
 - Writing and singing and stuff 
 - NAPS 
- Video games (generally stuff like ffxv or legend of Zelda!!) 


experiences: 
- I haven’t really done anything?? I am a Poor Nugget that has lived in the middle of nowhere for most of my life so not much to do 
- I did however get into an art school!! So I’m having a lot of fun w that! - Speaking of art school, I tried to form an animation club thing last year that worked for the most part if the people weren’t lazy and actually cared :// might try and start it back up bc we had some very good story concepts 


relationships: 
- MY FRIENDS R GREAT!! 
 -I don’t have a lot of irl friends tbh..,but the handful I do have I love w my whole heart–I also did a hit of a social media cleansing three or so years ago so ppl I talked to online back then I don’t talk to anymore so I’m out here trying to form more friendships tbh 
- I am entire salty single Pringle 


my life: 
- I am both somehow never asleep and never awake?? 
 - i have played softball from the tender age of since I was born. (There’s a picture of like 3 month old me holding a baby bat I swear) 
- i haven’t ever had a job both bc i live in Mississippi and there’s Nothing and bc my school days go from 7 to 5 so i have no time 
 - My friends and I try and go out to eat like once a week just to hang bc last year we had basically the same schedule and now none of us see each other in class so we’re trying our hardest 


random shit: 
- I injured my left knee playing softball three years ago but never got it treated so I’m just Suffering - my right arm is Fucked, basically. Bends weird and shit and also is constantly in pain but like it makes for good jokes and stories of overcoming my inability to hold a mass amount of objects at once - I made up my first character and drafted my first story when I was ten and I have been working on that same story and characters since (7 years!!! Going on 8 that’s crazy I love my kids!!) 
 - My fave characters are the ones who were WRITTEN to be these tortured souls like their back stories are awful their family was murdered they ran away they’ve been hated all their life but they take all of that hatred and bigotry and instead love people. Like. They learned from their darkness how to be light. Those are my fave characters

[agentjohnson]

Tagged by my piece of shit boyfriend @over-dank76

Rules: Answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as you want because it may be a tag but its also still your post, so enjoy

1. coke or pepsi: coke 300% wtf is this pepsi shit

2. Disney or DreamWorks: Disney specifically because it has greatly influenced my life and holds so much sentimental value

3. Coffee or tea: I literally only drink both out of necessity but if I HAVE to pick probably tea??

4. Books or movies: B O O K S

5. Windows or mac: windows lol idk how macs work

6. DC or Marvel: Marvel literally did you see my blog when AoU came out... I was going to marry Quicksilver I swear (also AoS is LIFE currently but that’s besides the point)

7. Xbox or playstation: lmao

8. Dragon age or mass effect: . . .

9. Night owl or early riser: night owl

10. Cards or chess: cards

11. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate without question

12. Vans or converse: *Demi Lovato voice circa 2008* CONVERSE with my dress well baby~ THAT’S JUST ME

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: lmao who

14. Fluff or angst: ANGST HOLY FUCK because like okay when fluff is good it’s good but when angst is good... it’s G O O D

15. Beach or forest: beach (reppin that south bay life)

16. Dogs or cats: dogs! I got a schnauzer named Max and I love him

17. Clear skies or rain: clear skies bc rain is a fuckin phenomenon in California (but don’t get me wrong I love rain)

18. Cooking or eating out: eating out lol I’m lazy

19. Spicy or mild food: spicy prolly

20. Halloween/Samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: HALLOWEEN AND I WILL FIGHT TO THE FUCKING DEATH ABOUT THIS I CAN WRITE A FUCKIN ESSAY IF I WANTED TO

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: too hot, i get sleepy when I’m cold

22. If you could have a superpower what would it be: flight no question

23. Animation or live action: live action

24. Paragon or renegade: . . .

25. Bath or shower: bath but I never have time for them

26. Team cap or team ironman: okay I’m gonna have the unpopular opinion here of Iron Man like he was very reasonable about everything and 90% of the drama in Civil War would have been over if they stuck to Iron Man’s plan (but Cap can lick my butt for all I care I love him more than Tony tbh)

27. Fantasy or sci-fi: why do you do this to me... I guess I have to pick fantasy

28. Do you have 3 or 4 favorite quotes if so what are they: like serious quotes my favorite one is from Maya Angelou and it goes “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” But not serious quotes wise is probably “If you aren’t falling off stage lipsyncing to Dolly Parton then how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get a tuning note PLEASE?” from the one and only @snekans

29. YouTube or netflix: netflix for quality but youtube out of convenience

30. Harry Potter or percy jackson: W H Y  D O  Y O U  D O  T H I S  T O  M E

31. When you feel accomplished: actually finishing something creative that I mentally planned to do (which by the way is once in never)

32. Star wars or star trek: yeah

33. Paperback books or hardcover books: hardcover they feel authentic

34. Fantastic beasts or cursed child: Fantastic Beasts without a blink of an eye

35. Rock or pop music: another one???? Idk I tend to lean towards rock  stylistically, but my favorite music is 80s-early 2000s pop because I’m trashy

36. What is the most important thing in your life: the people who have stayed with me through everything and have stayed loyal and truthful to me

37. Mountains or sea/ocean: sea

38. How do you express yourself?: drawing and a LOT (and I mean a lot) of talking

39. How would you describe your style of clothing?: I go from asian boy to classy punk to really feminine in like 0.002 seconds so it just depends on the mood

40. Fave Pokemon region: SINNOH AND I WILL FIGHT ABOUT THIS

41. If you could go back in time 6 months and change one thing what would it be?: finding out about how shit a certain asshole was sooner, so I could drop their ass much earlier in my senior year

42. First book/ movie that made you cry?: I will never forget this, its a book called Searching for David’s Heart by Cherie Bennett. If you haven’t read it, please do, you won’t regret it. I did read it when I was in fourth grade... but I also read PJO in fourth grade and look what happened to me.

Ima tag @snekans @doreato @linculto @tre-cani711 @cubularshark @basicallythisismagic because they are all my friends and buddies and I like to bother them

Also tag yourself if you want to do it! Just say it was from me, I wanna learn more about you guys :)

[junker-town]

23 last-minute sports Halloween costumes

From Jon Gruden to Hoodie Melo, suggestions for dressing up with minimal effort.

It’s so much easier not to go to a party than it is to go to a party. That is why I usually don’t go to parties, and have instead taken up knitting and re-watching Mad Men (I’m currently almost done with the second season and ****SPOILER ALERT**** forgot how badass Betty Draper gets — hit me up if you want to talk about a TV show from ten years ago). That said, if you must go to a party, it’s way easier not to wear a costume than it is to wear one.

This is a roundabout way of telling you that I don’t like Halloween. No, that’s inaccurate; I don’t not like Halloween, I just don’t want to put the effort in to do Halloween. I try not to do too much shit, you know? Like, why do something when you could not do something?

However, I understand that some people have more fuel in the tank than I, and derive great pleasure from dressing up. If you’ve had your costume planned for weeks, I bow down to your planning abilities, but this blog is not for you.

This blog is for sports fans who fall firmly in the camp of Trying Not To Do Shit Ever, but have somehow gotten roped into going to a party and would catch hell from their friends if they didn’t make at least some semblance of an effort. It’s for sports fans specifically because this is a SPORTS website, for crying out loud, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to blog about Halloween without a sports hook!

So here are some ideas for last minute sporty Halloween costumes.

1. The Tom Brady sketch and the Cristiano Ronaldo bronze head

Couples costume idea http://pic.twitter.com/ZM2SDkUvEC

— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) October 27, 2017

Patti Smith once said that when she’s having a bad day she’ll “just sit and physically make myself smile. Because sometimes it makes you laugh, and then you go, 'All right.'” Well, Patti, I live by a similar mantra: “I just sit and physically make myself Google the Cristiano Ronaldo bronze or the Tom Brady sketch. Because sometimes it makes you laugh, and then you go, 'All right.'

Grab a friend, put a suit on them, and then rub a lot of highlighter and some random dark splotches on their cheeks. Cover your face with metallic paint and smile like a goofy doofus all night. You’ve done it!

2. Jon Gruden

Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Photo by A. Messerschmidt/Getty Images

You literally just have to wear a visor and you’re set. If you want to go as Gruden from those Corona ads, wear a visor and carry a Corona around. Don’t even worry about making sure the visor or your shirt is navy blue. You can just tell people you’re Janky Jon Gruden.

3. Cord Cutting

Walk around with a phone charger and a pair of scissors.

4. Hoodie Melo

Photo by J Pat Carter/Getty Images

Wear a sweatshirt and put the hood up (h/t to Whitney Medworth for this one).

5. The Ravens’ deleted Queen of England tweet

This one requires more work but it’s SO worth it. Dress up as the queen and then paint your face with the Ravens logo.

6. Untucked Kyrie

Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Wear your Kyrie jersey and don’t tuck it in (h/t to Matt Ellentuck).

7. A football

Wear all brown.

8. A baseball

Wear all white and wrap a red scarf around your neck.

9. A basketball

Wear all orange.

10. A tennis ball

Wear all green.

11. A yellow card

Wear all yellow.

12. A red card

Wear all red.

13. A green card

LOL that’s not sports, silly!!!!

14. A birthday card

Shut up, Charlotte.

15. A deck of cards

No seriously, cut it out.

16. ... a CARDinal

I swear to god, Charlotte, I’m going to turn this blog around if you don’t knock it off.

17. Mike Gundy

Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images

Give yourself a mullet. One night of glory is worth whatever nightmare you have to live for the next two years.

18. Kyle from the “sporty” skit

Find any sports-like jacket and talk like Kyle all night. You have to be funny to pull this off or you won’t ever get invited to a Halloween party again (h/t to Mark Hinog).

19. A NASCAR driver

You can wear whatever you want as long as you say “Vroom, vroom! Beep beep! Screeeeeeeacccch!” whenever anyone talks to you.

20. The cat that ran across the field last night on Thursday Night Football

Draw whiskers on your face and memorize the Tony Romo commentary. Say it all night. Your friends won’t get sick of it. Trust me, if they tell you to stop, they’re just flirting. Keep doing it.

21. Rob Ryan on Fox Sports 1

no caption will do this justice http://pic.twitter.com/9AC3rZxN1p

— Jessica Smetana (@jessica_smetana) October 19, 2017

Throw on a pink blazer and walk around looking stunned. Bonus points for a wig, but if you’re lazy, you can just say “pretend I have long, white, flowing locks.” An imagination is a powerful thing.

22. Rex Ryan

Go to Nashville with your friend who’s dressed up as Rob and get into a bar fight.

Bonus: You can always just write SPORTS on a white Hanes tee and say you’re sports.