#i think about neurodivergent fictional characters a lot

[di-42]

A post by @makewayforbigcrossducks prompted me to think about a few things.

As a neurotypical person who loves Aziraphale to bits, I wonder if it's true that most neurotypical people hate, dislike or simply don't understand Aziraphale. The consensus from neurodivergent people seem to be that yes, that's the case.

I was also wondering if another factor to whether we identify or love or understand (with) Aziraphale more than (with) Crowley might be age. I tend to think that those of us who are less young empathise with Aziraphale more than those who are younger. Which would explain why sometimes the tumblr fandom seems to be one sided as tumblr users are probably averagely younger than, say, 40. But obviously that's a wild guess and it really doesn't matter.

What I really wanted to talk about is the concept, mentioned in some reblogs of that post and in other Good Omens posts, of unconditional love. My first, instinctive reaction to that post was "interesting! I'm not neurodivergent but I would defend Aziraphale against any attack and I love him unconditionally".

Except, no. Actually, I don't love him unconditionally. I don't love anyone unconditionally, whether they are fictional characters or people in my real life. If I had children probably I would love them unconditionally but I don't and there's no one whom I would love just because they exist.

People in my real life, and fictional characters as well, have had to earn my love, and I theirs. I wouldn't love them no matter what they are and what they do, I love them because of what they are and what they do. If my husband had been a racist, homophobic and misogynistic bastard I wouldn't love him. Same for my friends, siblings and mum. I never loved my father.

Unconditional love is something abusers rely on. Unconditional love is also something oppressive religions rely on because is so similar to faith: you accept everything from those you love unconditionally, don't question anything and keep having faith.

I don't love Aziraphale unconditionally. He's better than that. I love Aziraphale because of who he is. If I thought Aziraphale accepted the offer because he's power-hungry or because he's basically so stupid as not to see the metatron is trying to manipulate him I wouldn't love him. That doesn't mean I think Aziraphale is perfect. I think he's got lots of flaws and faults, which is ok. Like in real life, you can love someone and their faults without loving them unconditionally.

I also don't think Crowley loves Aziraphale unconditionally. He wouldn't love Aziraphale if Aziraphale's behaviour over the millennia had been like Gabriel's for example, or Muchael's. Crowley and Aziraphale love each other because of who they are, because of the choices they've made in their history, because they know the other has lived through their own trauma and because... I don't know. Everything. Because of how they make each other laugh. Because of how the other is always there. Because of the trust they've built. Because they see in the other something that heaven and hell will never see. Everything. But not unconditionally.

Which gives me hope. Because I think Crowley still loves Aziraphale but I also think it's not unconditional love. It's love that comes from a shared history and Crowley will know Aziraphale is not just going to betray him. Crowley will know there's something else going on. Just as soon as he recovers from the initial shock.

And, well, everything will be ok.

[olderthannetfic]

Apparently my fanfic helped someone in my readership realize he's agender because reading about a character who has zero attachment to the concept of gender, does not feel like any gender, doesn't care about pronouns being used for them and wants to dress any way they want without anyone gendering it really resonated with him and he did some soul-searching afterwards. And I love that for him, truly, I do. But what surprised me is that he really thought that "everybody but trans people" didn't like being associated with a gender, didn't feel like any gender, didn't care about pronouns and didn't have any attachment to the idea of gender. He thought we were all just going along with it because it's just what you do in society and everyone actually felt roughly the same as he did about it.

I was surprised, because although I'm neurodivergent, I had inferred fairly early on in life that people are pretty attached to these things on a genuine level. So I asked him how he arrived at that conclusion and he said that the way his very conservative, Republican family - which is mostly men, he was raised by his dad and grandfather, alongside his brothers - talked about being a man made it sound like an awful, arduous task that you have shoved onto you and can't escape but being a woman also sucked in similar ways according to them. Thus he arrived at the conclusion that nobody actually likes being a gender, you just have to put up with being one. And the fact that he had to put up with it was immensely depressing to him because he hated both of what he perceived as the available options.

Somehow my dinky little Reader POV fanfic where I made the Reader Character agender because I dislike how many Reader fics portray being an AFAB person who identifies as a woman... that little fanfic, without any ships in it, without any deep lore dives, without the things that this fandom usually likes, managed to plunge this reader into total gender euphoria because it made him pluck up the courage to wear something pink, let him know you don't have to be a man or a woman, and told him you're not a bad NB if you use any pronouns and you're AMAB.

And like... I know fandom is a shitty, hostile place a lot of the time. Especially in my fandom, it's a disaster. But reading the mountain of text he posted about how in the two weeks since he realized he's agender, his depression has lessened so much and he hasn't thought about suicide once... I think I remember why I got into writing in the first place, now. It's not just to tell fun stories. It's to tell fun stories about people that don't conform to the white cishetallo culturally Christian secular middle class able-bodied cookie-cutter bullshit that media is still drowning in. Because sometimes somebody is drowning and they think it's mandatory and fiction can tell them, "It's not, actually."

Nobody I know IRL likes the idea of fanfic because why write if you're not going to make money from it? But honestly I feel like this kind of moment has a value money can't really produce.

Sorry, I know I'm rambling. I just thought I'd briefly provide a small break from the sea of negativity in your inbox to share how fanfic and fandom can be good, instead of always being bad, as is so often the way fandom gets framed these days.

--

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 2, Match 1 WEAKNESS vs. THE PURGE MARCH

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for WEAKNESS:

"This is definitely more of a personal anecdote. However, I’m neurodivergent (like Haruka) and struggle with knowing it causes quite a bit of disappointment for my mother. I cry about it a lot. But I find that putting on Weakness is soothing for me. Knowing that there’s a character out there with the same issues…. I don’t know. Just my experience."

---

"why weakness should win over umbilical: - THE SINGING THE HIGH NOTES - this song set the tone to what to expect for the trial songs to come (or what we expected) - the part where the song gets all slow paced and then picks up louder at the end it just done beautifully - it's haruka. - the singing sounds like a mix between of course singing and crying. the 'AHahA' sounds like manic laughing until the end when he's crying and it almost feels like he's sobbing while laughing. - the guitar and the drums complement his soft/sad-ish voice perfectly, especially at the beginning - very emotional, even if you didn't see the music video you can tell he's crying and mentally unwell I'm bad a propaganda, but vote for WEAKNESS!!!!"

Propaganda for THE PURGE MARCH:

"Despite the shorter length, the Purge March has several distinct sections in its structure.

It starts with a rolloff, and then… they don’t follow it. Amane isn’t here to follow the beat.

There’s the spoken-word intro and the upbeat first verse listing the tenets. The prechorus (“dou shiyou mo nai…”) has an amen break. The most-sampled four-bar drum beat. Well, there’s half of it. Is it supposed to mean something? Can I get an amen?

The chorus is so, so cheerful… unless you’re actually listening to the lyrics (“I’ll crush your throat too”) or watching the video. And it’s super catchy. 

The second part of the verse dials things back. Now we’re in reality. This is how Amane breaks her tenets. All the while, those tenets are spoken into both ears over the singing. Get some good headphones. She sounds different in each ear.

The music picks up again with the amen break as Amane happily strolls back home, and then-

Oh.

The somber second chorus, with Amane’s lower singing voice and mournful spoken words, leads into the final chorus, with new lyrics and a more forceful tone. The once-meaningless chanting now has real words. “You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please go ahead and die already.” You can hear Amane’s anger despite the cheerful melody. She harmonizes in the final phrase, as if to say “we’re in this together, me and my little color guard troop.” And finally, it’s just her. Speaking. "Oboetemasuka?" Accompanied by only a single drum.

She is both Amane Momose and not. She upholds the doctrines that she was raised with, but she can’t."

---

"Purge March is geniunaly one of my favorite pieces of fiction both in and out of the context of trauma. Its fantastically directed and composed. The batton twirling is spetacular and energetic, the set and character design of Amane conveys a lot about the world she’s in and the story she’s telling. Purge March contextulizes a lot of Magic in both expected and unexpected ways (insert the entire cat symbolism thesis here) Purge March casts Amane in the role of a scary child. The glowing eyes, the framing of Amane as Above the viewer, the brutality and catharsis of it all. It seems tailored made to make you Scared of her. It’s a continuation of the cycle of abuse that we the audience repeated in T1 when we gave her that verdict. A red flashing warning sign about the Inhumanity and Monsterous qualities of Amane Momose. But Amane as a monster is fufilling and freeing. Again, its deeply cathartic. I would write more if I wasnt so sleepy at the moment but its just some Fantastic work overall. Purge March is also just fantasitic vocally and also hids electricity sounds in the instrumental which I think is evil and awesome."

---

-Amane’s vocals and how they slowly get more and more off the deep end is both really sad and cool to watch.

-The symbolism of the marching band and the flags. Ifykyk

-The beginning where it sounds like a propaganda TV show… really shows just how far Amane’s thinking is rooted in her cult and how that’s shaped her perception.

-The LYRICS. They work so well but it’s also creepy AF considering it’s a child who’s singing it.

-“So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me!”

-The overlapping part… gives me chills everytime.

-Building off the last point, the last “I’ll crush your throat too.” Ouch.

-“Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?”

-The song also does a great job of showing how much the guilty verdict messed with her.

[oneangstymotherfucker]

Another thing that bothers me is the way antis will use the word "coded". Coded is a word for groups that aren't allowed to have explicit representation to use for when authors make something that's obviously for them under the radar. Like queer coded. In kids shows there can also be stuff with coding for neurodivergent characters, and race coding can also be a thing. The idea is authors can't directly do what they want because society is being a dick (like they want to make x and x characters gay or have a Black main character) and so they code it so that people of those groups can still see themselves in it and Understand What They Mean.

So "child-coded" and "family-coded" are not things that even make sense. If the author wanted a character to be read as related or a child they would have simply written them that way! Nothing was stopping them! I respect all headcannons, but you headcannoning someone as a child or related and seeing your own evidence for it is not the same as coding.

Do you know what is coded though? Sebaciel. That ship is so heavily queer coded- in everything from the way the characters are drawn to the age gap to the campiness to the contract, the relationship-that-isn't-a-relationship-because-taboo!

These are classic queer tropes. They are all over the place in queer fiction, especially older queer fiction, to illustrate and emotionally navigate relationships that are considered by society predatory and taboo. Queers have always been painted as predatory. Because when you kicked out your teenage kid for being queer, guess where they went? They found some older queers to take them in. And support them in ways you never could, and see their strengths. And then people would say little Johnny was "seduced" or "taken advantage of" by some "degenerates" and "perverts" because they didn't want to take the blame of putting little Johnny on the streets. (Ofc sometimes im sure there were predators doing this maliciously, but that doesn't mean it was always the case. Not everyone wants to take advantage of people.)

Queer people also tend to have overlapping relationships because of social ostricization. For example, your dating history is your friend group and back in the days of Houses and mentors, your dating history might also have them in it too.

Age gaps are also a very quintessential trope in queer fiction. It makes a lot of sense when you think of how someone whose family life was suddenly cut short (or never really there in the first place) would end up wanting the sort of dynamic where someone was there to take care of them. And again- I'm sure that this was sometimes abused by a handful of people, but it as a fiction and as a desire is part of queer history and has been for hundreds of years. Most people whose parents pushed them aside or actively hurt them end up with daddy/mommy issues! Not everyone of course but a good amount! I want a daddy! I feel so much younger than I am because I am only just now getting to live my life as me!!! So of course i project myself onto and want to read stories about some little victorian boy and his op demon butler!!

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Ciel is very heavily queer coded. He was ignored by his family and then forcibly removed from it (because they died here, ofc) and the fact that he is essentially rescued from his powerlessness, aloneness, from being abused and taken advantage of by Sebastian, who is also very queer coded, ticks a lot of boxes. Then there's the whole messaging of Sebastian being seen as an abusive monster (when he is really quite caring of Ciel) and Ciel being seen as some perverted, broken, godless freak (ey what queers haven't heard those?), the religious implications of "making a pact with a demon" ("you can't be holy because of this relationship! Satan made u gay!!!!"), the victorian setting, the costume choices, the idea of being eaten, hell even the kinky undertones of the power dynamics- there are too many queer tropes to count. Even Ciel's age, when taken metaphorically- someone who hasn't been given the chance to have much experience, who isn't taken seriously, who does not have the social standing of someone who can hold their own against "grownups"- can all be read as coding for someone being descriminated against. Raise your hand if you're queer and have been called 'boy' or 'girl' derogatory/been treated like a kid for no reason!

I'd go so far as to say that most of the reason Black Butler squicks so many people is because the coding is so overt and obvious, but people still take it literally and think it just means "p3dO!1!!!1!". Probably because ya'll stay away from queer history because the Elders reclaimed slurs and that makes u angry lol.

The fact is even if Sebastian and Ciel never "get together", their relationship is still inherently queer and always will be. And quite frankly if it was cannon then it wouldn't be coded anymore it would just be gay. :)

Anyways thats how i feel about coding thanks for comin to my ted talk. x

[marsdontbesade]

Headcanon: Holiday Gifts for Keanu's characters.

𝐻𝐸𝐴𝐷𝐶𝐴𝑁𝑂𝑁 ス ˚ ₊ ‧꒰ ꒱ ‧ ₊˚

ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑔𝑖𝑓𝑡𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑘𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑢 𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠:

𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑎𝑛

the *stoner accent* murst happy cheery boy on xmas!

he loves, LOVES gifts

christmas is one of his most favourite holidays, or in fact, IS his favourite holiday; halloween just being a close second

not just cause of the food

or the snow

the bodacious music or jolly vibes

or the free school holidays so he won't need to do stupid bogus history homework

but because of the presents!

ted would absolutely love if you gifted him something for christmas

it doesn't have to be elaborate or big, but something that a neurodivergent (/j) rock-enthusiast weird kid like him would like

custom guitar picks, comic books, a bucket of tutti-fruity bubblegum & cheese puffs, cute little stickers, fruit-flavoured candy (not too much though as they hurt his teefies), a nintendo gameboy, drawing books....

he'd also like makeup, like black eyeliner & eyeshadow and a couple of nail polish so him and bill can use for their wyld stallyns performances

gift him some eddie van halen posters, cds, keyrings, trinkets, or any of that paranphelia and he'll worship you for life

oh yeah, he don't play around with his eddie van halen

less you forget that

he'll also love tapes and cds and merch of other rock bands he adores

RUBIX CUBE! he'll love a mean rubix cube as his personal fidget toy 🥺

ted's very easy to please, just don't buy him an air supply or beatles vinyl album

𝑗𝑜ℎ𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑒

antithesis of ted

this man is the grunge adaptation of scrooge, but with less hate and more indifference

doesn't really care about xmas

mostly thinks it's for kids

giving gifts to this guy will be a little bit hard because this man is such a depressed little nihilist sometimes

he'll scoff and bluff, but deep down his emotions speaks otherwise

he never really states what he like or anything personal about him - he's a very private man with only one thing on his mind (lyke idk saving the world from satan and the apocalypse ???)

but what you do know about him is that this man is a chronic smoker

john would definitely fw a silver plated lighter

like the vivienne westwood ones

or a custom black one with his initials on it

he also drinks a lot of whiskey

jack daniel's? jim beam bourbon? jameson?

pair that up with a leather hip flask and he's good to go

silver jewellery type of guy? mhm!

he'd love a cross chain necklace

like deep-silver cross/crucifix pendant ones

would look so fucking cool on him

silver accessories always look so hot on daddy constantine

other than that, nothing much

he's not invested in xmas but he doesn't hate it

his mind will be more occupied on demon hunting and existential brainrots than that

yet he still has a soft spot (secretly) so xmas with him won't be so bleeping bad

𝑗𝑜ℎ𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑐𝑘

pretty normal about xmas

celebrating with him would be so freaking wholesome though

you're so used to seeing john as his stoic dilf self that him being all lovely with you during this jolly season would be a fever dream

giving him gifts would be, again, pretty normal

he's a simple guy, and already rich enough to buy himself whatever, after all, so your xmas shopping spend will be looking pretty alright

john is a traditional manly man so his gifts would be of that orient

he's also a bit old so keep that in mind...

brown leather-strapped watch, woody oak cologne, men's grooming set, a brand new dog that won't randomly disappear after a few months

john is a bookworm, he'd love some good ol' classic fiction novels and philosophical/critical/mindfuck books to open up and out his mind

he's a handy man so a brand-new toolbox would be nice

he's also a lover of whiskey and wine, so again, some jack daniel's or bourbon and malboc or pinot noir

this would be the funniest shit ever but please gift this man a pencil as a joke

i swear he'll be so oblivious at first but when he clocks, this mf will death stare you like hell whilst you try so hard to not burst into laughter

but on a wholesome note, a ring will put a smile right back onto that man's face

like cute couple rings you and him can wear, like he'll smile so hard

a heart locket necklace with a picture of you and him inside

oh he'll absolutely die inside

john's such a sucker for classic romance, you don't understand

he'll love vinyl records of 70s and 80s vintage classics, taking him back to his younger days

john will cherish these well... 💌

𝑗𝑜ℎ𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑟ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑

the very antithesis of ted

this man is scrooge

does not not care about xmas and probably never will

"mindless fucking consumerism"

he definitely thinks that shit is for kids

gifts for this guy will be as hard as an harvard acceptance letter

90% of the time this man is never really happy

he's either miserable or annoying or insulting or all at the same time

he would, however, accept it, if it's from you

but johnny never tells personal information

he's a very egotistical individual so the most personal you'll get from him is the edge of how big his c*ck is (*facepalms.png*)

𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑎

another happy cheery boy on xmas

and another favourite himbo of mine 💘

he obviously loves xmas

it's the only time he won't have to be digging under trash heaps for diamonds

he's a very weird and random kid so you know he'll like anything

finding a xmas present for him would be easy cause as long as the shit's entertaining, he's pretty much on board

and it's the 80s, so what really can a broke teenage runaway enjoy back then?

but anyways, that's whatever

rupert would definitely like these as gifts: comic books, candy, shakespeare novels, an eight ball, rubix cube, wristbands, money, a crown (???)-

SLIME! give the boy some green slime to play with! (helps with his stims)

*murmuring* why can i imagine him in a skir- yeah give this boy a skirt

and a skateboard

gnarly combination

𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑐𝑜/𝑗𝑢𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑛 𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑟

basic as fuck

these dudes are like the hallmarks of xmas

both are different genres of white men in hallmark-esque movies

standard white guy, 30-something year old millennial who's into sports and having a beer with the boys vs twink stock image standard white man who's a doctor and every old karen white woman's dream come true

one, however, is more generic and conventionally attractive hallmark white male than the other (julian)

shane's a manly man so he'd probably like some fishing equipment or men's grooming kit or some kind of sports team merch

he'd also like those beer keg stands or mini fridges where he can put his infinite supply of heineken or guiness inside

a handy man also so a nice new toolbox too

julian...... yeah julian i don't actually know about

he's probably just bisexual or something, idk-

that's about it.

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

✼ 𝕗𝕒𝕟𝕗𝕚𝕔 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 ✼

♥ Larissa Weems ♥ (Wednesday, TV 2022)

on wednesdays we wear black (ongoing) -> a Morticia Addams/Larissa Weems Mean Girls!AU story that is currently on hiatus. needs to be reworked

little miss perfect -> a teenage Larissa Weems/Morticia Addams one-shot. dealing with internalised homophobia. angst with a happy ending.

push me gently (into love) (nsfw) -> two chapter Larissa x reader story in which the reader is a goth art teacher at Nevermore. fluffy, cozy, and sweet, featuring easily skippable smut. rom-com vibes. written for a lovely human being and i hope it continues to bring her joy.

particular (nsfw) -> Larissa Weems x (adult) Wednesday Addams, aka the fic that got me cancelled. rom-com with dark humour and some more mature themes, but still relatively light. sort of a coming-of-age story. author is considering making people take a reading comprehension test before being allowed to comment.

making do -> one-shot. angst, hurt/no comfort. past Larissa Weems/Morticia Addams. a character study of Larissa Weems. mentions sexual assault, deals with processing trauma.

pathetic (nsfw) -> part of kink!week. a short piece describing a toxic relationship. Larissa x reader, but nothing abut the reader is specified -- almost like their identity doesn't matter and they're just a plaything meant to pleasure their boss. featuring foot fetish. it's hotter than you think :)

inevitable (dead dove: do not eat) -> a very dark piece of fiction dealing with sexual assault and trauma. features horror elements. please, take the tags seriously, this isn't a light read.

♥ Lucifer Morningstar ♥ (The Sandman, TV 2022)

violet soul (nsfw) -> two chapters. one of my most popular Lucifer fics. Lucifer x reader. deals with the topic of selling one's soul to the devil. dark. features very filthy smut.

my ruin tastes so sweet (almost as sweet as your lips) -> a choose-your-own-adventure story with three possible endings, that explores what it means for an angel to fall. Lucifer x angel!reader.

our little dance (nsfw) -> Lucifer/Mazikeen. character/unconventional relationship study. explores neurodivergency. very sensual smut in the 2nd chapter.

kiss my sorrow away -> tooth-rottingly fluffy Lucifer/Mazikeen one-shot. Lucifer is being the most extra of drama queens, and Mazikeen cheers them up.

call the devil's name (nsfw) -> Lucifer/Mazikeen one-shot. very romantic. hot and tender smut. depicts love as devotion/religious experience.

belong (nsfw) -> dark Lucifer x reader one-shot. non-explicit non-con. explores the concept of free will after one sells their soul to the devil.

the secret (nsfw) -> last part of kink!week with a surprising twist at the end. Lucifer x Mazikeen... and a curious voyeur?

♥ Jane Murdstone ♥ (The Personal History of David Copperfield, 2019)

when the last restraint is gone (ongoing) (nsfw) -> an intense victorian romance between Jane Murdstone and her lady's maid, Laura. sort of in the style of Sarah Waters's historical romance novels. heavily influenced by Vita and Virginia's love letters. featuring a lot of sensually read victorian poetry and dirty, delicious smut. currently being edited/rewritten.

one and a half sugars (ongoing) -> modern!AU. Jane is an insipid accountant with very specific opinions about coffee, and reader is the only person who knows how to make it for her. fluffy rom-com vibes. will feature smut in later chapters.

don't look away (as i bare my soul to you) (nsfw) -> part of kink!week. dominatrix!Jane x reader. how healing is it for someone to see the worst parts of you and never avert their eyes? the kink in question is watersports and it's much tamer and more sensual than it sounds.

♥ Captain Phasma ♥ (Star Wars, sequel trilogy)

danger level - one (nsfw) -> filthy smut featuring the good ol' sex pollen trope. Phasma x fem!stormtrooper!reader. hot and a bit silly. straightforward and simple porn lol.

chrome and lipstick (nsfw) -> technically a Wednesday fandom crossover, but honestly you can read it without knowing anything about Wednesday except the fact that Larissa Weems is a person that exists. filthy smut (sensing a theme for fics featuring our beloved captain here? lol). non-con/dub-con, so read at your own risk!

easy prey (nsfw) -> part of kink!week. tentacle erotica, non-con. features glittery pink tentacles and a very pretty alien oc, if that spark(le)s your fancy.

♥ Jan Stevens ♥ (Flux Gourmet, 2022)

hazy (nsfw) -> Jan x reader smut, featuring the infamous egg aka oviposition kink. give it a go, it's not as weird as you think it is :)

beautiful (nsfw) -> a gift for a lovely tumblr mutual. Jan x reader fic exploring love, devotion, and body image. very smutty. featuring eggs because it's Jan and it has to :)

fill me (with your love) (nsfw) -> part of kink!week. Jan x fem!reader. a very sensual piece with disturbing erotic imagery. featuring alvinolagnia, food play and bloating fetish.

♥ Brienne of Tarth ♥ (Game of Thrones, TV 2011-2019)

so very chivalrous (and so completely oblivious) -> Brienne x princess!reader. very fluffy. Brienne is very good with a sword, but a bit oblivious in the matters of love. featuring good ol' lesbian yearning.

sweet dreams (nsfw) -> part of kink!week. brienne is injured in a heroic pursuit, and a lovely lady takes care of her while her injuries heal. kink of choice is erotic lactation. very fluffy and sweet.

♥ Miranda Hilmarson ♥ (Top of the Lake, TV 2013-2017)

...but we could be (nsfw) -> part of kink!week. Miranda Hilmarson x Robin Griffin. Miranda starred in a lesbian gangbang porn video and she is very proud of it. Robin thinks Miranda that's absolutely nuts and she definitely doesn't want to see it, thank you very much... except somehow she finds herself in Miranda's apartment, watching it. why is Miranda's shirt see-through? and why is she so nice to Robin while Robin is actively trying to push everyone away?

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

♥ kink!week ♥ masterlist

♥ sapphtober prompts ♥ (in progress)

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✼ you can buy me a coffee if you want to support me! ✼

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

writing requests are currently closed!

[eudaemonix]

it's sig day (4/9) so of course I had to draw...uh...not!Sig. But since puzzle pop is out I put some of my thoughts and ramblings about (The Actual) Sig under the cut

Honestly I can't believe I'm still drawing this guy, but it feels like it's paid off in a way since now there's a story that will (potentially) answer a lot of questions I've had for years.

Sig's been a really important character to me for a long time now…All of the Fever students are though, just in general, Primp Town is really like a fictional home to me if you'll forgive me for saying too much here, lol

I think something I've always like about him (and Aya) by extension is the way their narratives can be interpreted as being about neurodivergency/autism and traumatic experiences, and even if Sig doesn't necessarily remember the trauma(tm) I like thinking about how it's still shaping people's perceptions of him and how it's something he's scared of…though I always saw it as someting he was told to be scared of rather than an organic fear. I acknowledge that this interpretation is definitely not what the writers had in mind though, lol

I'm being pretty vague about that because I'm thinking less about how I read hi currently and a lot more about where, I guess I always thought about where Sig's "arc" would go, and I always wanted it to go with him not necessarily ridding himself of his demon part, but accepting it as part of himself and even embracing it (perhaps why I care so deeply about Sig and Aya having any sort of relationship?). I can't say if Puzzle Pop will actually go deep into this, though I'd like to see it… I want Sig to see that even if there is "Evil" (however we are defining that) his friends still love him and want him to be with them. Since the story does seem to kind of going towards that route of conquering the Evil Within Sig, I would like Puyo to do something different and creative like it usually does…but this is all wishful thinking and right now, we don't know where it'll go. I'm still looking forward to what Yoshino will do now that she seems to have full control of the wheel-

[sunshine-omega]

hello there! sincere question, why do you think there are so many omegas in miscecanis (I think I misspelled that but close enough) I myself prefer Alpha but I like nests anyway but I never really did traditional things for my first sex why start now with my "second sex" thingy whatever it's called

also I will likely be a reoccurring anon so call me Cumin, I will sign all my asks

Hi!!

I think that there’s a lot of omegas in the miscecanis community because the traits assigned to omegas are really relateable for a lot of us. Here’s some reasons I can think of:

People who enjoy and write a/b/o, for the most part, have been socialized as women. Omegaverse explores topics of power as it relates to gender and bodies. This trope creates a space for a reader to play with those ideas within the safety of fiction! So, it makes sense that those who feel so strongly about these ideas that they’d identify with them (miscecanis) would tend to feel that way about the omega experience. That perspective is so central to the trope that is literally in the name “omegaverse”. (For a great breakdown of this idea, see this video essay)

A HUGE portion of the miscecanis community is trans and nonbinary, especially afab. Of course not every trans person feels the same way, but many of us find safety in or resonate with omega anatomy. Omega anatomy isn’t consistent between verses, but it always breaks the binary norms that society imposes on our bodies. It’s really appealing to self identify with a role that is in agreement with our bodies, rather than in conflict.

Here’s a post where I wrote about this topic before

For me, this last point has been true in various stages of my transition. When I was at my most dysphoric, my omega identity was my greatest refuge. I’m more comfortable now but it’s still very important to my gender.

Neurodivergence and typical omega behaviors is another big one. I mean come on, nesting?!? Heck yeah. I think that people might feel that because they enjoy the features typically attributed to omegas like nesting, sweet scents, nurturing roles in relationships, etc., that must make them an omega. It’s really okay if that’s why someone picks their role! But like you mentioned anon, you’re an alpha who likes to nest, that’s really great too. I think that behaviors are a starting point for many people and that could be another reason why there are more omegas in miscecanis.

(Also omegas are often doted on and yknow what?? who doesn’t want that)

The simplest answer though: most a/b/o is written with omega protagonists. The protagonist is the character you empathize with the most, your window into the world of the story. When most of the omegaverse you read comes from the perspective of omegas, that might end up feeling the most familiar!

[bluedalahorse]

A highly incomplete introduction to AuDHD for YR fans who want to write more Sara Eriksson

Greetings, friends! In my time in the Young Royals fandom, I’ve seen a few people mention they were interested writing Sara but they didn’t know how to approach her neurodivergence, or that they find it intimidating. I figured it might be worth compiling a post where I share both ADHD and autism resources I’ve found helpful, as well as elements of my personal experience I draw on when writing Sara.

This post is by no means exhaustive, and I could probably say a lot more. But I figured I’d get it out there in case it was helpful to anyone else.

Part One: Resources and Such

Yo Samdy Sam is an AuDHD vlogger who talks about her experiences, and I find her video about how autism and ADHD show up together pretty informative. Since Sara is both it’s good to have a grasp on these nuances! Yo Samdy Sam’s other videos are also ones I’d recommend.

I’m autistic, now what? is also a good channel to check out for someone talking about their day to day experiences of autism. Her videos are a little longer, but she focuses often on how things have changed from her childhood to her adulthood, which can be helpful if you’re thinking about Sara at different ages/writing flashbacks/working on fic set in the future/etc.

Chloe Hayden, who stars in another teen drama called Heartbreak High, is both autistic and ADHD, and very fun and positive. She presents quite differently than Sara does—lots more talking and energy—but I think she’s a good example of every neurodivergent person presenting differently. Also, people should watch Heartbreak High and write me some fic where Sara and Quinni meet because I want it.

How to ADHD is mostly geared toward practical life skills when you’ve got ADHD, but it doesn’t neglect the way those interact with emotional well-being. Sara might try some of these strategies while working on her school work and chores, either because an adult recommended she do so or because it’s part of a system she worked out for herself. Also, the videos are perfectly designed for ADHD brains, and i have acquired many ways to self-accommodate by watching them.

Jessie Gender is autistic and does commentary about lots of nerdy things and trans rights. I really liked her video on The Queen’s Gambit where she talks about autistic girls and sex. If you’re planning to write spicer fic about Sara (which people should write more of imo) then Jessie might be a good resource!

Marieke Nijkamp is a multiply disabled author, and one of her disabilities is autism. I still have to get around to reading her novel length books but her short story “Better For All the World” made me cry and is one of my formative sargust mentor texts. I really recommend it if you can get a hold of the anthology The Radical Element. (Although, heads up, the story deals with the Buck v Bell case of 1927, which is difficult subject matter.)

Disability in Kidlit has some great resources on writing autistic characters from a craft perspective. If you’re going to write specifically from Sara’s point of view, or even if you’re not, it’s worth reading this article about the autistic voice in fiction and this article about humanizing autistic characters. Other articles on the site are also great!

I’m going to talk more about my personal experiences under the cut below…

Part 2: My personal experiences & takeaways

Sooooo if you’ve met one AuDHD person, you’ve met one AuDHD person. I can’t really claim to speak for all AuDHD people, and I’ve only recently gotten my diagnosis anyway. That said, a lot of my own personal experience colors how I write Sara. So in the interest of transparency, I’ve gone ahead and listed some of the things I’ve thought about when I write her.

An important note before I get started—this is not, actually, meta or analysis of the show. I’m not trying to tell you want I “really” think is going on with Sara Eriksson, or what the writers intended, or what the show is saying. You may read her differently, and I’m sure your interpretation is just as informed by your own experiences as mine. So please don’t take this as a criticism if your interpretation is different.

What I am explaining here instead are the ways that my personal experiences as an AuDHD person have influenced my perception of Sara, which in turn translates to how I’ve made sense of her storyline and written her in fanfic. None of these are “excuses,” but they are explorations. You can look at it as me examining my own thinking and writing process. I’m also opening up about some of my experiences and being a little bit vulnerable. If you have questions about any of these things below, or you want to know more for your own fic, you are always welcome to message me. I may not be able to get back to you right away but I can help however I am able. There are also some things I might feel more comfortable discussing in depth one-on-one, so direct messages might be better in that case, too.

Anyway, let’s begin…

Polarized strengths and weaknesses: In my own experience as an AuDHD person there are some pretty dramatic contrasts between what I’m good at and what I suck at. I’m in the 99% percentile in some skills and the 2% percentile in others. This adds up to stuff like, I read the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time when I was eight and Les Misérables when I was eleven, but I cannot drive a car or learn a choreographed dance no matter how hard I try. This is inexplicable to some people because they’re like, omg but you know all these advanced words! Surely if you can’t drive a car, it’s just because you aren’t trying hard enough! Likewise I think it makes sense to write Sara with a spiky profile of her own, and have characters react to that accordingly.

Perceptions of maturity: AuDHD adults aren’t children. AuDHD teenagers aren’t children either. And yet part of ableism is the infantilization of AuDHD people. I don’t have a lot of huge narrative squicks, but this is one of them, and it’s rooted in frustrations I’ve had over people treating me like I’m still a child. I always write Sara as the age she’s intended to be in the fic. If I see fanfic scenes or headcanon scenarios where someone is treating Sara like she’s five, and that’s spun as positive or never questioned, it can make me really upset and it’s an immediate back button. This is something I would recommend writers be on the lookout for if they��re incorporating Sara into a scene. Maybe this one bullet point is spinning a little far into criticism of other folks, but I think if I could communicate one thing to other people writing Sara, this would be it.

Special interests/hyperfixations: The thing about special interests is that autistic people often turn to them to replenish their energy and get their nervous systems back to a state of equilibrium. (For instance, me writing this post right now about my blorbo Sara Eriksson is me engaging with a special interest to put my nervous system in a state of equilibrium and put energy back in my body.) Sara’s time spent with Rousseau isn’t just wonderful because she loves horses, it’s also something that’s probably helping her recharge after a complicated day of navigating social situations at Hillerska. This is why she panics at the thought of losing Rousseau. Now, there’s still issues here in that Rousseau isn’t actually Sara’s horse. And I do think many teenage and adult autistics with low support needs, like Sara, understand that they can’t engage with their special interests all the time. But in order to write and understand Sara, I have to understand that she’s counting on Rousseau and horses more generally as something that helps her self-regulate and stay grounded. (In Heart and Homeland I also added art as one of her hyperfixations, so she often draws to recharge and make sense of things.)

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is essentially a trait people can have where they struggle to read their own emotions. It’s pretty common in autistic people and other neurodivergent folk; I have a mild version of it. For me, tuning into my emotions is a bit like trying to figure out what song is playing on a staticy radio. I might have to wait and “mess with the dial” a bit before I can fully understand what I’m feeling in a given situation. The question “how are you?” is a bit of a nightmare for me sometimes. Because my alexithymia is mild, I usually can figure out what I’m feeling in time, but I still often need extra effort to discern the nuances. I tend to apply this trait to Sara when I write her, mostly because she seems to need to sit with her feelings to understand how they’re affecting her. This is most evident when she’s trying to figure out if she like-likes August, though it comes out in other ways, too. Sara might just need a lot of time to process her emotions. Even when she’s showing her emotions and in them, they might take a lot of time to leave her system, and she might not catch on to how they’re affecting her right away. In Heart and Homeland, part of the reason Sara keeps a diary in the first place is so she can sort through what she’s feeling.

Heightened empathy: There’s an old stereotype that autistic people don’t have any empathy. This is not true, and some autistics even have an excess of empathy. I would argue that Sara (at least the way I interpret and write her) is one of them. This may seem counterintutive to some, as I have seen people argue that she is insufficiently empathetic to Simon and/or Linda. I see it differently, however. In my own experience, having an excess of empathy doesn’t always mean that I come across as loving and sweet to the people in my life. Sometimes it can make it so you’re so full of feelings toward others that you can’t act. I often function clumsily in conflicts, and feel like I’m caught between different parties, especially if it’s a situation where everyone appears to be hurting. It’s enough to make me shut down and not do anything, or even side with the person who to everyone else is obviously wrong. Especially when I was a teenager, the answer about “who to side with” in a conflict wasn’t always clear to me. For instance, in college, I dated a girl who constantly belittled me and many of my friends, and I let her get away with it because I was sensitive to the ways she was genuinely hurting about life. I am not proud of it now, and I did break up with her eventually and made efforts to patch things up with my friends when I could, but it also took me two and a half years to get there. Thanks to life experience and therapy, I am now better at recognizing red flags and overriding my excess empathy to call people out on their shit when they need it. It took me time, though, and I can’t help reading a lot of that into Sara. In a way, I tend to think her hope that August will own up to his actions is born out of heightened empathy for both August and Simon. She pins her hopes on this solution because, in her mind, it meets Simon’s needs because the person who harmed him has come forward and is willing to be held accountable for his actions and it meets August’s needs because he can find relief in owning up to his shit and stop drowning in regret. Now, yes, Sara is absolutely misleading herself and ignoring crucial details of the situation because she’s in love, and she does misread what Simon actually needs in the situation. This is very typically teenage. At the same time, when I write her in fic, I see this as tied to an excess of empathy, and not a lack of it.

Inertia/Executive Functioning Struggles: Building on what was said above… some AuDHD people (like myself) can really struggle with making a plan and getting started on tasks, and the bigger the task, the bigger the struggle. “Tasks” is a word we usually apply to things like doing laundry, so we tend to think of executive functioning as an unemotional thing, but it can also apply to emotional stuff like, say, having a big conversation that needs to be had or breaking up with someone you know you need to. (Like I said above. Two and a half years with that shitty person in college!) In fact, I would say inertia can even make things harder with social/emotional stuff, because math homework is at least consistently math homework, but social/emotional situations can shift and become more complicated over time. At Hillerska, we see Sara get involved in ever-shifting social politics, and it takes things escalating to the field scene for her to take action at the end of S2. (In a more minor example, Sara taking a while to get ready in the parents’ weekend episode, and Linda rushing her out the door, is a great example of Sara being affected by inertia.)

Menstrual ick: Increasing numbers of studies show that people with uteruses who have ADHD, autism, or both are way more likely to have painful periods and PMDD. This is true for me—one of the biggest signs that my period is coming is that I am absolutely convinced everyone hates me. I don’t know how to apply this to Sara directly, but periods are part of life and if you happen to write about her dealing with menstrual nonsense, this might be something to keep in mind.

Sensory issues: A lot of people are aware of sensory issues for neurodivergents, and every neurodivergent experiences sensory issues differently, and not always in ways that are immediately apparent to neurotypicals. For me, I hate vacuums and car horns and bananas, but for my roommate, she hates any lights on after 7 PM and finds chocolate overwhelming. Sara doesn’t mention any particular sensory issues, but presumably she has some and masks her reactions, so uh… make up the ones that make sense to you, I guess. Or, don’t make them up, but maybe read about a bunch of different people’s experiences of sensory issues and work from there. External stuff like being tired, sick, or being on one’s period can heighten sensory issues, so think about vulnerability factors that might increase them for Sara.

Rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD feel rejection or criticism from others with a high level of intensity, even as physical pain. (Fun fact: PMS makes my rejection sensitivity even worse!) I don’t know if we see Sara feeling rejection sensitivity onscreen much in YR, but I can’t help but imagine she’s dealt with it in the past, based on the way she says she sometimes feels like the worst person in the world, when she’s talking to August in 2.3. If Sara’s had therapy (which I assume she’s had in some form because she knows breathing exercises) then maybe this is something she’s worked on coping strategies.

Accommodations in school: I don’t actually know how this works in Sweden specifically or at a school like Hillerska, but I’d love to hear how it works! Someone else should weigh in if they know things. But I would not be surprised if Sara has the legal right to certain accommodations in school such as extended time on tests, guided notes, etc. (Not being Swedish myself, I’m not sure what the equivalent to the Americans With Disabilities Act would be in Sweden.) One thing to note here is that Sara would get to decide herself whether she actually uses her accommodations or not. I would say, based on my observations of teenagers, is that some neurodivergent teenagers tend not to use their accommodations so they can avoid sticking out among their peers. This seems like it might be the case for Sara, since she wants to make friends at Hillerska and not stand out. The other thing she might encounter at Hillerska specifically is teachers who don’t want to meet those accommodations because they’re “old school” and, frankly, ableist. Accommodations are something one should take into account when writing Sara’s academic life, though.

Double empathy problem: This is something that the psych community is talking about more lately, and essentially the idea here is that neurotypicals communicate best with other neurotypicals whereas neurodivergents communicate best with other neurodivergents. That doesn’t mean both groups can’t communicate with one another (and even reducing it to two groups is kind of oversimplifying things, because obviously culture and other things impact communication too) but there are different patterns of communication at work here. In my own life, I vibe well with people whose neurotypes are similar to mine—this is exactly why @coruscantrhapsody and I are such iconic roommates. The Double Empathy Problen is theorized to have played a role in stereotypes about autistic people not having any empathy. (PS: I don’t actually think August has undiagnosed ADHD in canon, at least not according to the writers. Still, I think it would be pretty interesting to write him in fanfiction as someone who has a missed childhood diagnosis given the way he struggles with rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotion regulation, and the way that the adderall addiction could be a form of self-medication that has gone awry. For that reason I think it’d be interesting to see a fic where the sargust relationship is viewed through the lens of the double empathy problem. Obviously not in a way where the ADHD excuses August’s harmful behaviors, but you know. An added layer of delicious nuance. Alternately, I know some folks like to headcanon Wille as autistic. Sara really clicking with autistic!Wille when they finally get a chance to talk is something I’d like to see!)

Neurodivergent community: As far as I can tell, Sara doesn’t really have neurodivergent community. This makes me sad, as someone who strongly benefits from friendships with other neurodivergent people. I would like her to have some in someone’s fic, please! Let me know if you write it.

That’s all for now… maybe I’ll add more in a future post.

For any other AuDHDers, do you have any elements of your personal experience that you incorporate into how you interpret or write Sara’s character? Feel free to reblog and add on, if you feel so inclined. (But also, no pressure.) Like I said, every ND person experiences this stuff differently, so someone else may have completely different experiences than me.

[nerves-nebula]

today my coworker asked me if i was like actually autistic cuz i had joked about it previously and i was like "oh yeah i mean probably. ive looked into it a lot and also have had a lot of autistic friends/classmates who say they think i am too. if im not actually autistic im probably some kind of neurodivergent"

and she was like ok cool cuz i was watching bobs burgers and yknow how tina is like kind of autistic well a lot of the things she does reminds me of you. and that was very silly but also sweet. like omg you remembered i existed??? and compared me to a fictional character?? thank you forever. i'm gonna miss her so bad when i graduate ;_;

[irisbleufic]

This will probably feel like it’s coming out of the blue, as The Simpsons isn’t something I’m known for posting on main, but like…I’ve had a long-term fascination with this show. I saw the first few seasons when I was a kid. I had to watch it at a friend’s place and my grandparents’ place, because, like many parents raising kids/teens in the 1980s-1990s, mine were convinced Bart was a bad influence. Lisa’s ambition and cleverness have always meant a lot to me, but this strange rumination has more to do with my eternal puzzlement over the bad rap Bart has gotten from parents.

I can say more than ever, especially with regard to the past decade or more of seasons, that Bart is actually a really sweet kid. Mischievous and bored, but genuinely sweet. Meanwhile, Lisa’s got a devious streak a mile wide and is probably the fictional kid my parents should have been most worried about teaching me dubious behavior and scheming (because she knows how not to get caught).

I’m sure this conversation has been had many times over on the internet, but this moment of navel gazing in the wake of watching the first handful of episodes from the latest run (Season 35, how the fuck has this show been around for all but the first 7 years of my life?) just feels…necessary somehow. Every once in a while, when a piece of media has been with me for a long time, I’ll have this weird realization that the character who means the most to me isn’t the one in whom I saw the obvious parts of myself at first.

Sure, I’ve always been a dutiful, ambitious student—even now that I’m an adult who teaches college undergrads, I don’t think I’ve ever shed that. But I was also that weird, imaginative, often-bullied kid who didn’t know they were neurodivergent, who got yelled at for not paying attention during class and sneaking off to the woods adjacent to my elementary school during recess. Sometimes, I took the fall for the occasional prank my few close friends and I would play because I wasn’t good at getting out of the way in time. I had a real disdain for authority, although I knew how to hide it from the few teachers and admins I genuinely liked/respected.

I don’t really have an earth-shattering point to make here except that, huh, it’s neat to realize Bart is the one I related to the most all along. It never even occurred to me that we’re both oldest children; Lisa is eldest-coded sometimes even though she’s the middle kid, but…damn, if Bart’s experience as the oldest isn’t similar to mine. You get cracked down on, get in trouble for, things that your parents can’t be arsed to go after by the time your younger siblings come along. You love those little shits with all your heart even though they aren’t above rubbing their immunity in your face. You shatter beneath the pressure of things that finally, finally hurt too much to keep up the tough-guy façade.

Anyway, Bart: my parents were wrong about you. Everyone’s parents were. I feel that even more strongly as an adult than I did when I was a kid. And the kids like you, like us—more sensitive than meets the eye, mind always racing a mile a minute, mischievously curious, all too often misunderstood—are the reason I became a teacher. Thank you for that.

I’ve been saying to friends for a long time, when The Simpsons comes up in conversation, that the cast of this show are our Players: “Let them be well used, for they are the abstract and brief chronicles of the time. After your death you were better have a bad epitaph than their ill report while you live.”

[olderthannetfic]

I've had a few commenters on my fics be surprised that I do plot outlines, make a timeline of events, and make Word docs going over everything that's canon for the character that's relevant to the story (particularly useful for comics' canons where there's multiple continuities and you need to get the details of a specific version straight). Personally, I have a lot of issues with remembering things later on while writing, so this combats my ADHD. I don't think most people would find my level of planning enjoyable. But surely most people do some planning? It just makes things easier to go, "okay, here's my beginning, my middle, and my end" as a plan than to sit there going, "I hope I come up with an ending eventually". Or at least, it's easier for me. Is that a universal experience, a neurodivergent one, or a "your mileage may vary regardless of neurodivergence/lack thereof"?

--

*cackling*

Guys...

"Planner" vs. "Pantser" is like the most basic division of writing styles ever and is covered constantly on every writing blog and in every writing how-to book and...

From what I have seen, your average prolific writer of genre fiction who also writes articles on craft tends to be a planner, though not always at the extreme end of that spectrum, but there are plenty of famous authors who are extreme pantsers. I remember some Isabelle Allende quote about "Write one good page a day and at the end of a year, you have a book".

I don't think it's as simple as writers of plot-forward genres vs. genres about the human condition, but in terms of people producing writing advice, it does often break down that way. (Also, it's a lot easier to write how-to guides for plotters than pantsers in some ways, so that probably skews the numbers.)

The big difference between fic writers and pros who are pantsers, from what I can tell, is that the pros 1. have a lot more experience with needing to finish big projects by a deadline and successfully doing so and 2. don't usually post serially, so revision of the full work is possible after they've written the first draft and discovered what the story is about.

(There are pros who do post serially to great success, but my impression is that many of them are planners.)

[percheduphere]

LET'S TALK ABOUT NEURODIVERSE AND DIFFERENTLY-ABLED/PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES REPRESENTATION IN THE LOKI SERIES

Thank you so much for your patience and your amazing ask, @indulligence! Special thank you, as well, to all the gif artists who made this meta possible.

I've been champing at the bit to get to this one, and I finally made it!

As a disclaimer, I am not a doctor, and I recognize we should take care in pseudo-diagnosing fictional characters as we don't want to perpetuate stereotypes of our neurodiverse and differently abled/people with disabilities communities. Having said that, if interpreting a character as being neurodiverse and/or differently abled/having a disability brings you comfort and joy, you should certainly do so! Canon is a sandbox. Fictional worlds and characters are meant to be engaged with for your pleasure.

I do cite a few medical graphic and their sources below. If any of those sources are problematic in any way, please let me know and I can switch out the graphic for one from a better source.

LOKI - ADHD [?]

At first glance, Loki's characterization in Thor 1, Thor 2, and Ragnarok don't seem to present him as having challenges with executive function. He appears to be able to focus and sustain focus, able to organize, and able to sustain effort and process. Loki also has exceptional memory.

[source]

As for mood, many mood symptoms of ADHD overlap with depression, the latter of which Loki clearly has. Nevertheless, it should be noted that ADHD and depression are often comorbid. He could have both.

[source]

While memory and effort are not concerns, Loki has consistently shown challenges with impulse control, managing frustration, and modulating emotion. A number of his most consequential choices (i.e. inadvertently directing Malekith to his mother, chasing after Sylvie, etc.) are influenced by his emotional state rather than premeditation. This may suggest that if Loki has ADHD, he leans toward Type 2: Impulsive/Hyperactive:

[source]

His characterization in the Loki series changes somewhat to include more hyperactivity and swings between hyperfocus and difficulty regulating attention and focus. Loki gesticulates, fidgets, and moves a lot more in the series than the movies. He also talks much more quickly when excited.

Do I think these changes were intentional? I honestly have no idea. Whatever the case, I think it's lovely that the Loki who becomes the most powerful hero in the MCU is also the version that demonstrates a higher likelihood of being diagnosed with ADHD.

MOBIUS - NEUROTYPICAL / HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP) [?]

I think Mobius, for the most part, is neurotypical. Even with Loki being his special interest/hyperfixation, he doesn't exhibit the other symptom criteria to meet a Level 1 Autism diagnosis, an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder diagnosis, or an Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder diagnosis.

He may, however, be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

[source]

Mobius's empathy for others, perception of behavior, observation of circumstances, and deep appreciation for beauty (particularly when it comes to the beauty of people) are exceptionally strong.

NOTE: Even when the stakes are dire, he's still willing to give Ravonna and Miss Minutes the benefit of the doubt. He really is a sweetie pie. A sweetie pie who can and will slap you if you deserve it.

I think Mobius may mask his strong emotional responses regularly in order to be able function in the TVA. There were only two incidents, when he was unable to suppress his feelings, and those outbursts were remarkable:

That said, Mobius doesn't quite meet the other symptoms of HSP, which include sensitivity to stimuli, being easily startled, and aversion to violence. As we see in the series, Loki's antics don't overwhelm or startle him, and he has no issue with torture when he deems it necessary.

It is possible that Mobius may have Acquired Neurodivergence post-series as a consequence of trauma in the series finale. At present, we have nothing in canon to support this, but many fanfics show Mobius struggling to cope with the loss of Loki, his home, his family, and his identity. This severe level of loss can cause a variety of mental health conditions and disorders that may impact Mobius's future ability to function in a neurotypical way.

SYLVIE - ACQUIRED NEURODIVERGENCE [?]

I've written about Sylvie's sexuality here, and I think some (if not most) of her quirks when it comes social interaction, emotional intimacy, and physical contact may be explained by trauma. As such, I think some of her behavioral symptoms, which can be mistaken as autism, is actually the result of PTSD causing structural changes to her brain. Loki likely has this as well.

Like O.B., she is verbally blunt and appears to demonstrate lower empathy, especially with those she disagrees with.

To be clear, this doesn't mean Sylvie doesn't have empathy. She does, as can be seen in the gif above. What I mean is, her empathy and ability to demonstrate it are generally low throughout the series. This is likely a psychological defense mechanism. Having lowered empathy is advantageous if growing up in apocalypses is the only means of survival. Every friend and lover she's ever had is either dead or will die because of those apocalypses or because of who she is to the TVA.

Unlike O.B., Sylvie initiates social interactions and develops friendships more easily. Sylvie has acquaintances, if not friends, in John (McDonalds,) Eric (bartender), and Lyle (record shop). NOTE: You can tell the writer is a man when the bias in creating side characters skews male instead of female. Sylvie should at least have ONE girlfriend in her 1982 timeline, but she doesn't.

OUROBOROS (O.B.) - LEVEL 1 AUTISM [?]

Here he is! Here is our favorite neurodiverse ray of sunshine! Our autistic cinnamon roll! The MVP of season 2!

Now, I have mixed feelings regarding how people on the autism spectrum are portrayed in media. While they are often shown as socially awkward, they are also shown to be exceptionally brilliant in their area(s) of interest. This is quite flattering and often true in real life, yet I worry that this creates a stereotype that not only are all autistic people "geniuses", they are also geniuses in a way that is useful to a capitalistic society. That expectation isn't healthy and perpetuates the belief that a person is only valuable if they are useful. Further, it is a narrow portrayal of the autism spectrum. It is important to have representation across that spectrum instead of stopping at Level 1.

But I don't like being a Debbie Downer, so let's focus on the good representation that can be found in O.B.!

O.B., in a lot of ways, reminds me of Entrapta from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. He doesn't always read social cues correctly, which often plays out as fantastic comedy relief on screen when the stakes are outrageous.

Like Entrapta, his science and engineering aptitude are nearly unmatched if not for Victor Timely. However, the hyperfocus O.B. exhibits does have negative consequences, as exemplified when he explains he lost his job and wife due to dedication in creating a TemPad prototype. Despite these losses, O.B. is resilient and looks forward to what comes next (another possible symptom of his neurodiversity).

I love that O.B.'s neurodiversity allows him to believe Loki when Loki finds him on his branched timeline with his "crazy story". It is also what allows him to see the patterns in Loki's timeslipping and propose, with confidence, that timeslipping can be controlled.

He is also a very good friend. Though he might not be the "huggy" type, he always makes an effort to find concrete solutions to big problems. I would say that O.B. is Loki's second closest friend in the series after Mobius.

I can't tell if it's O.B.'s autism or O.B.'s inner asshole that's fucking around with Loki in this scene. Not once but twice! Either way, I love it (and the fact that Loki resists the temptation to zap him back).

CASEY - LEVEL 1 AUTISIM [?]

What I appreciate about Casey is that if he is interpreted as autistic, he is not a super genius. He is still quite gifted, but I think he represents where a good number of level 1 autistics actually land in life. I feel this is a much healthier portrayal and balances out O.B.'s genius representation nicely.

NOTE: Look how cute they are! They must be protected at all costs.

I am also so happy that Casey and O.B. found friendship in each other. We have to give B-15 (Verity) credit for this. The only reason they met at all is because B-15 had the presence of mind to think of Casey to help O.B. with the Loom debacle.

Together, they become unstoppable, but there's one more friend who completes the Science Club Trio ...

VICTOR TIMELY - SPEECH IMPEDIMENT/LEVEL 1 AUTISM [?]

Since I've discussed autism interpretation and representation at length with O.B. and Casey, I'm going to concentrate on the portrayal of Victor Timely's speech impediment.

I also have mixed feelings regarding the media portrayal of people with speech impediments. This medical condition is often used as a means of showing a character is "meek" or "harmless". I don't doubt that this character feature was chosen for that exact purpose, to immediately contrast Timely against HWR in the quickest, most efficient way possible. Unfortunately, this kind of narrative "shortcut" leads to stereotyping people with speech impediments accordingly.

It's a good thing, then, that Loki series takes the time to add some depth to Timely's character. Yes, he has a speech impediment, but he is also very willful, crafty, and brave.

[andromeda-grace]

Writeblr Introduction

Hi, I’m Andromeda (she/they). I am returning to Writeblr and decided to start a new blog for my WIPs and writing updates! I want to use this blog to shout out other Writeblrs, make posts about my current WIPs, and experiences in publishing. I mostly write original fiction but write fanfic when the inspiration strikes. I love Writeblr games and asks!

This blog is a safe space for all identities, gender & sexuality, neurodivergence, race, and religion. I do my best with content and trigger warnings.

My Writing: Genre and Representation

I love horror, sci-fi, and fairy tales 

I don’t enjoy romance (if it’s only the pursuit and drama), but I love writing nuanced love stories where people communicate well and put effort into building relationships

Lots of queerness and queer relationships

BIPOC main characters

Neurodivergence- shout out to the undiagnosed ADHD queens, the anxiety, and masking/coping behaviors

Trauma, out of context, is seen as personality

Smut- sex is a part of life and it’s fun to write. Get down, make mistakes, get messy. My sex scenes aren’t just conventionally attractive people putting on a show. I emphasize body diversity, complexities of gender identity, and emotional state

Tropes:

Found Family

Villains

Redemption- working to be a better person, even when it’s hard

Poly-Amory- we often have more than one close friendship, and have variety and nuance in those different relationships, so the same thing goes for romance

Morally gray/Feral girls- women have so much responsibility put on them for the emotional wellbeing of others, but what if they aren’t capable of that? (think Broad City/ Bottoms)

Finished works:

The Devil You Know- short story- Out now! Find your copy here

Genre: horror, vampires, fairytale

Vibe: The Green Knight x The Witch

Anya has built a quiet life for herself, trusted as the village healer as long as she keeps her magic hidden. All of that changes when a strange traveler arrives at her doorstep. The man looks human, but Anya senses an old and powerful magic within him. Intrigued, she allows Owen inside. He claims to have been an apprentice to a witch, and Anya, despite her suspicions, finds him to be a kindred spirit. They begin a romance, both finding comfort in one another.

Their peace is broken when a family comes to Anya in crisis. Their child has been cursed, and is transforming into a monster. Desperate to save the boy, Anya asks Owen for help. He can grant her the power to break the spell, but it requires blood and forbidden rites. Knowing that she can’t break the curse alone, Anya faces a choice with deadly consequences.

WIPs:

Bubblegum Capital

Genre: Queer Cyberpunk

Vibe: 1984 x Legally Blonde

Novaczek is on the brink of fame. They’re an amateur gamer about to break into the pro leagues. But their dreams are crushed when work denies them time off for the championship.

Novaczek decides to play on shift and is caught. Everything comes crashing down. They find themselves at rock bottom having lost their job, company housing, and girlfriend all at once.

In a world where your value is measured by your social ranking, Novaczek has to claw themselves back up, hustling for money and favors from friends. As they work their way back up the ranks they discover an underbelly where nothing and no-one are what they appear to be.

Love, Asunder

Genre: Gay Vampires, Family Saga

Vibe: 1917 x Hellboy

James Townsend was supposed to be starting his new life, an American abroad, with a Fellowship at Oxford University. All of that changes when Germany marches on Paris. James can’t remain in the classroom while teachers and students leave their desks for the battlefield. So James enlists as a volunteer ambulance driver on the Front. The days stretch long with violence and misery, but he finds purpose and friendships in the trenches. 

Then he meets a man, a smuggler providing supplies and information to the Allies. Etienne is so different from the soldiers, bright and charming. They begin a secret romance, disappearing together when they can, and writing letters in between. 

An opportunity comes to meet in Paris, and James is overwhelmed at the opportunity to spend time with Etienne in the City of Love. Free to spend their days together, James quickly discovers just how much Etienne has been hiding from him, and enters a world of magic, beauty, and death. 

Tropes and fun stuff:

Butch witches

Femme werewolves

Playing the vampire tropes straight

Magical Underground

Found Family

Bio-Family responsibilities

Many, Many different kinds of love

I'll be sharing moodboards and snippets along the way! Looking forward to learning more about the other talented Writeblrs out here!

tagging: @hillnerd-art @suffrajett @starknstarwars @em-dashes @blind-the-winds @leave-her-a-tome @athenswrites

[physalian]

Tackling Characters with Mental Health Issues (or, ‘Write What you Know’)

**Trigger warning for this entire post**

This is completely off the cuff and unplanned but here we go. I just read a book that POV switches between its two romantic leads. One of these leads was intended to be written with a severe case of generalized anxiety. I have confirmation from the author that it’s not an author-insert. This character was entirely based on research, not experience.

Without putting them on blast, because they really did try…. While ‘neurodivergent’ or ‘mental health disorder’ isn’t a protected class, it should still fit squarely under other topics you shouldn’t write about if you don’t experience it with a massive asterisk.

TL;DR: If you yourself aren’t part of X minority or suffer Z physical or mental disability, you should not be barred from writing characters with those traits. ***HOWEVER*** writing these characters struggling, suffering, or overcoming this given trait in a pro-cis, straight, white, neurotypical, able-bodied America is not yours to touch.

This suffering isn’t your story to profit off of, when you didn’t actually suffer any of it.

I cannot remember who said it and I am absolutely paraphrasing but for example: White authors can and should include characters of color (and I am a White author). White authors should *not* write about a character of color as their protagonist experiencing bigotry, discrimination, hate crimes, and all that hardship, at the hands of white society. It’s just not your story to tell, and all the research in the world will never give you the lived experience you need to do it justice.

Like, you can write about the concept of slavery existing in a fantasy novel. Or sci-fi. Or some Alternate Universe historical fiction. You cannot write about the American slave trade like you lived it and still suffer the ramifications of it when you didn’t, especially when it is the thesis of your entire book.

Anyone remember that awful Amazon movie, My Policeman? Based on a book written by a straight, white woman whose straight female lead took an entire narrative to whine about how she was jilted by her gay husband and his gay lover who she got arrested and institutionalized so she could keep her husband… and never told them? With the predatory 3rd love interest and the whole ‘liar revealed’ and… yeah. That one.

Unless you do the work very few authors are willing to do, with permission and encouragement and a backing from whatever minority you’re writing about and their stamp of approval that you knocked it out of the park, just don’t. Save yourself the headache.

—

As I read this book, and this entire character’s arc is about her mental health, for 100k words… why would you *want* to take on that responsibility? Why would you want to take on all that extra research, all the stress of making sure you get it right, all the costs of hiring sensitivity readers and the risk of your character falling apart with readers who do fit these traits?

Characters with mental health problems are very, very tricky to get right for one massive reason: Accurately depicting many disorders and anxieties means your character can come across as extremely unlikeable, uncompelling, confusing, and frustrating. These characters won’t make logical choices or arguments, they’re likely to self-sabotage, contradict themselves, argue in circles, and die on molehills they think are mountains. This is just what anxiety does to people in the real world. We are not always compelling protagonists, and we don’t always get happy endings.

Writing illogical characters takes a lot of practice if you yourself are not an illogical thinker and if you’re writing half a book elbow-deep in 3rd person limited, intimately trying to describe how this disorder impacts their daily life, you, my friend, have so much more work cut out for you than you anticipated.

So why?

It got very sticky very quickly when the message I took away from the book was “character A can love away character B’s anxiety” and that just… it’s just not how it works. That is a very dangerous mindset to have, for both parties involved.

Character A does not exist to “fix” Character B, nor should A exist to be B’s therapist.

Making A B’s “medicine” can encourage some dangerous codependency. Especially if they break up, B backslides and spirals, and A takes on guilt for not being there anymore, as if any of this is A’s fault.

It says that ‘curing’ anxiety just takes a little romance. Which. No. B has to love themselves, first, before they’re able to love anyone else or let anyone else love them.

It got stickier when the author accidentally wrote a trauma-induced ace who wanted to start liking sex to please her partner and not for her own peace of mind (with internalized self-hate for her anxieties around sex as if not liking it after a traumatic experience isn't completely justified), as if she wasn’t good enough with the boundaries she had. And the narrative backed it up because she was *cured* after a couple rounds in the sheets—I worked really hard on my Ace character guide to help stop people from doing this.

Had Character A accepted these boundaries B had, and these two come to a creative compromise around intimacy that B does like, it would have been so much healthier. B liked making out, just not being the 'recieving' partner, while A chose to die on a 'if we can't have the sex I want, I can't be in a romance with you' hill and it just broke my heart for B. B wasn't being picky. B was traumatized.

The worst thing you can do to your ace character is a) reinforce the idea that they’ve failed as a human because they don’t like sex and b) reinforce the idea that they “just haven’t found the right person yet” and this narrative hit both in the bullseye.

The author wasn’t trying to write an ace, I can tell, but aceness aside “good sex is the best cure to your sexual trauma” is… also, not great? If you yourself didn’t experience this? The point of all of this was clearly to attempt exposure therapy, it just got so bogged down with other problems that the nuance necessary to stick the landing was completely lost.

If this was fantasy, like Twilight, with Bella’s dangerous codependency on Edward in New Moon, mental health is not the point of that book. The author didn’t set out on a mission to provide respectful representation of depression and healthy relationship goals. It’s toxic as hell, but it also takes a backseat to the actual story and the audience who loves those books couldn’t care less about how toxic it is.

The books aren’t about Bella overcoming her depression. They’re about sparkly vampires and the dangers of… teen pregnancy?

It got even *stickier* when the character revealed she’d apparently been in therapy for a decade and a half, only for her therapist to shrug and go ‘I guess you’re stuck with it’ while her mental health issue became a physical health issue, because she should have had a crippling eating disorder that the narrative didn't at all take seriously.

Why would you want the stress of writing this?

—

I am not at all saying you can’t write anxious characters if you yourself are not anxious. But make that an ingredient of the pie and not the entire pie, yeah?

Ask yourself why you’re doing this. The fundamental argument of that book seemed to be “anxiety can be loved away” and from the very first page, it was doomed. That was the book’s thesis. The entire story hinged on the success of this depiction.

I can’t even be mad, because it wasn’t intended to be harmful, but it inadvertently reaffirmed so many dangerous and incorrect assumptions and stereotypes about mental health. Good intentions historically do not guarantee good results.

If you do not suffer from anxiety, you are still allowed to write a character who experiences it (Or OCD, specific phobias, BPD, what have you). I tip my hat to anyone willing to do all the work to get it right because those are all tall orders, but you aren’t blacklisted from these characters.

But with any minority, anyone who isn’t “cis, straight, white, male, neurotypical, and able-bodied” write a character who is also X, instead of an X stereotype, who happens to be your character.

[risingscorchingsuns]

What was hikaru's transition experience in the corps? How did they take his coming out (if that happened)? How easy was it for him to get care (you said shinobu did his top surgery)?

This is a great question! Unfortunately Hikaru being trans is one of the most historically inaccurate parts of his story, if not medically, then definitely socially. I use a lot more modern methods and language because I wanted Hikaru to be trans similarly to how I am. It’s my canon-accurate Achilles Heel 😭

Don’t get me wrong, trans people definitely existed back in the Taisho period!! We’ve always been here, but back then we were recorded a little differently, generally regarded as “women in men’s clothing”, et cetera. I will never deny their existence, and Hikaru being modern with his gender expression isn’t meant as erasure or denial to them, but as an expression of myself via a fictional character. Their existence is real, and valid, and they are no less trans than Hikaru- at the end of the day, he’s my silly little self insert, and I wanted to write his experiences based off of mine. If the focus of Hikaru’s story was his gender journey, I would put more emphasis on the time period and the difficulties surrounding being trans in the Taisho period, but the themes surrounding Blazing Heart’s Rhapsody are acceptance and solace found within family, and love in spite of war. This isn’t a story about trans people- Hikaru just happens to be trans ☺️

Hikaru realized he was a boy very very young, (probably around 6 or 7) and his father, Hiroki, encouraged him to live in whatever fashion made him feel most comfortable. Because Hikaru grew up in the woods with only his father and little brothers, he was never really socialized as a woman or a man- he was just Hikaru, the oldest Eritora child. He likely hit puberty while living on his own in the Sumitomo Forest, but didn’t experience dysphoria until he was found by the Kochos when he was 16. When he was brought into the Corps, Hikaru experienced gender norms full-force for the first time. It wasn’t really that they didn’t support Hikaru being trans, it was more that he didn’t fit. He was Different, and that made him Othered. For the first time, Hikaru was struggling with where he belonged, and that was when he started to really learn the societal importance placed on gender roles. Additionally, Hikaru is neurodivergent, so these norms never made much sense to him logically in the first place. So while he never really had to come out, he did have to fit in, which was difficult for him to navigate. He talked to Shinobu, who in all her medical expertise, gave him the best advice she could. She was the one who helped him hormonally transition, (if she can inject herself with 700x the lethal dose of wisteria without fucking poisoning herself, she can probably make Hikaru’s testosterone. She’s iconic like that I think.) and ultimately it was Shinobu who helped Hikaru figure out where he stood in terms of gender identity. Hikaru is a self-made man in every sense of the phrase, but he couldn’t have done it without the help of those around him.

As for top surgery, I don’t really have a canon-friendly justification for that. Shinobu’s not a plastic surgeon, she’s probably done minor surgeries before, but never anything to the level of gender-affirming surgery. I feel like she’d DIY that shit tbh. She could pull it off. I’d let her do my top surgery. Shinobu says trans rights 🗣️

Thank you for this ask!!! I rarely get to do longform Hikaru analysis :D