#i think ill be back to being active on friday !! hopefully

[absurdumsid]

good morning silly cretaures !!!! on our way to yet ANOTHER competition (it is 5:30am)

also thought id add in an apology to this post graaaah i havent been able to respond to Anything lately but i swear i will when everything is all settled and such !!!! theres just a lot going on rn and im getting just a teensy bit overwhelmed ackk

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Go Go Let's Go! Let's Go! Dateko! (Pt.1)

⚠️THIS FIC IS 18+ NSFW, MINORS DNI ⚠️

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: 7000+

"You're looking at the face of the new captain of Date Techs iron wall" your son Futakuchi Kenji shouted as he burst through the front door of your humble abode.

"So they really went with you huh" you snicker "good maybe now you'll finally learn some respect for Moniwa and those other nice third years"

Kenji huffed as he set his bag down taking off his school tie and jacket.

 "You know mom, most parents would be like 'oh my god Kenji I'm so proud of you we can order your favorite tonight I love you so much you sweet sweet child'" he mocks as you stare at him trying not to laugh.

"Since when has that been our relationship Kenji" you smile as you proceed over to your son.

You grab him forcing him into a tight squeeze "Oh I love my boy so much you are so precious I can't wait to go cheer for Date Tech every single game now" you gush as he tries to force his way from your grasp.

"Eww mom please stop" he says as he gags "I didn't mean that supportive. Please don't show up at our games."

"I don’t know Kenji those team mates of yours really do like me" you snicker as you turn around "I wouldn't ever want anyone to think I don't support my precious baby boy."

Kenji rolled his eyes as you laughed. You had always had a really good relationship with your son. You had him at the age of 20 while you were in a relationship with his father. Unfortunately the relationship didn't work out and his father left the area. You didn't see him much and neither did Kenji. You struggled as a single mom, finding your main support in your parents. You had a great relationship with them and the 4 of you together made up a tiny happy family.

Your parents helped you finish school while your mother watched Kenji. You graduated and getting the job you had worked years for. Now that you were established, things were going well. Kenji was doing well in school, playing volleyball for one of the top schools in the Miyagi prefecture and you were working long hours at a job you loved. No matter what you always made time for your son. He didn't really want you to attend his games so you would occasionally sneak into one watching from the nosebleeds. You loved seeing your son doing what he loved and you always encouraged him.

"So what does a team captain do" you ask as you place the order for your son's favorite take out.

"I mean I run pratices, lead drills and encourage the team" he says nonchalantly as he looks over his school work.

"Not a strong suit of yours Kenj" you smile as he shots a death glare at you.

"Well it's alot easier now that we have a manager to help too" he says.

"Oh you found one then?" You smile

"Yeah Nametsu Mai, she's a second year. She will be doing a lot of the note taking and helping with set ups. Also it's nice to have someone making bentos for the team" he says.

You look up from the bills on your counter "wait she's doing all that alone? That poor girl why does she have to do all that?"

"It's her job mom chill" Kenji says as he laughs at your outburst.

"And your job Kenji is to make sure your team runs efficiently so I expect you to be helping you" you turn as you raise your eyebrows at him.

"Mom ser-" Kenji starts as he sees the glare in your eyes.

"I'm 100% serious Kenji. If you don't help that girl I swear to God that I will be front and center at every single match. Every single tournament with a giant sign in the shape of your face and a shirt that says 'I'm Futakuchi Kenji's number one fan'" you glare as his eyes widen.

"Ok mom ok ill invite her over to help her my god you're mean" he says as you smile.

"I'm off Friday so I can help you make bentos too. You really suck Kenji at doing anything domestic" you smile as you walk to the door to get the takeout you ordered.

Kenji shakes his head as he groans.

Thank God I'm only captain for 1 year he thinks as he signs going to help you get the food.

Friday approaches quickly as the team gears up for their first round of tournaments

"Mai" Kenji calls as he motions for her to come over

"Yes Kenji?" Mai says with a bright smile

"So I want to help you prepare meals for the team for the tournament" he says.

The team stops. Mai looks at him in shock. Middle blocker Aone Takanobu just stares. Fellow outside hitter Obara Yutaka smiles as Libero Sakunami Kōsuke looks on in complete shock.

"Stop looking at me like that! I'm a helpful person!" He screams as they all go back to their activities.

"Ahh it's ok Kenji I really don't need he-" Mai waves shaking her hands.

"Just come to my place tonight ok" Kenji says as the gym doors suddenly burst open.

Coach Oiwake Takurō just shakes his head as he witnesses to former 3rd year volleyball players parade into the gym.

"Well hello our precious underclassmen" Former Middle blocker Kamasaki Yasushi shouts as he walks over to the team.

Kenji just shakes his head "you guys really must lead boring lives if you always have to come bother us during practice. Haven't you found a job yet Kamasaki?" Kenji smirks as he sees the third year began to get heated.

"And here I thought you changed Futakuchi" he says as he goes to grab the captain by the collar. 

 Suddenly someone yells "Aone" and Aone goes to break up the fighting duo.

"Still no respect for your upperclassmen I see" Former captain Moniwa Kaname says with a laugh.

"Well since you're here you might as well make yourselves useful" Kenji says as he stares at Kamasaki "go block for me."

Kamasaki loosens his tie as former wing spiker Sasaya Takehito says as he shakes his head "not again."

Practice ends as the team clears the gym. Mai and Kenji walk to the Futakuchi residence. 

 As they approach, Mai looks at Kenji.

"You really don't need to help me" Mai says "it's my job as manager."

"I know Mai but you see- umm well my mom kinda insisted I help you" Kenji says "she's a bit- much."

They walk to the front door as Kenji opens it. Y/N comes running from the kitchen to greet her son and hopefully their team manager.

"KENJI I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DIDNT BRING-" you stop as Kenji just stares at you.

"Oh hello! You must be Mai!" You say extending your hand to the young girl.

"Hello Ms. Futakuchi! It's so nice to meet you" Mai says as she bows, saying Y/Ns hand.

"You as well! Kenji you didn't tell me how cute she was! You must get attention for all the boys" you smile as Mai blushes.

"Mom seriously" Kenji says as his face turns read and he walks away putting his and Mai's bags on the floor.

"What? It's true! But take it from me honey, boys are nothing but trouble! Look at Kenji" you say as you smirk to your son, Mai trying to hide her giggling.

"Ok mom did you just invite her over to ridicule me?" Kenji says to you completely unimpressed

"Nope I can do that without inviting her over! Now let's go to the kitchen Mai" you say as you lead the young girl to the kitchen.

You and Mai work to prepare bentos as you put Kenji to work where you need him.

"Honestly Kenji just stay out of the way" you shout.

"Mom why did you even ask me to invite her over?! I'm literally doing nothing" he says as he sits at the table

"Yes and you're terrible at it" you roll your eyes.

Mai finds your relationship with Kenji amusing and lighthearted. She can tell you have a great relationship with your son and you both feel comfortable picking on each other.

"Ok that's the last of it Mai. You did such a great job! The boys are so lucky to have you. And if they ever say anything rude to you, you let me know and I'll take care of it" you nudge Mai as she giggles.

"Oh don't worry Ms Futakuchi, Coach Oiwake makes sure they appreciate me" she smiles.

"Coach Oiwaka? I don't think I've met him" you turn slowly looking at Kenji

"Why would you need to mom? You always tell me you're happy to get rid of me to whomever will take me off your hands" he says to you in a mocking tone.

"Still! Is he cute?" You say as Mai laughs out loud

"Mom we are not having this discussion " Kenji says as he places his hands over his ears and walks out of the kitchen.

"Well is he?" you say smiling at Mai.

"For an older man, yes" she says giggling "he's been divorced for a few years now. No kids to speak of. He's pretty dedicated to being the coach"

You smile. It's been forever since you've been out with a man. After Kenji's father left, you were top focused on your career and school to even consider dating, let alone be intimate. It had been at least 5 years since you last had sex. Honestly you weren't even sure that was accurate.

"Ms. Futakuchi" Mai says to you as you stare off into space "umm Ms. Futakuchi?"

"Oh gosh I'm sorry Mai! Just thinking. How about we keep the bentos here and I'll bring them tomorrow morning before you leave?" You smile as Mai nods.

"Heck maybe I'll even get to chance to see this gorgeous coach of yours" she winks

"LA LA LA MOM I CANT HEAR YOU" Futakuchi sings from the other room as you both laugh.

Saturday morning approaches as Kenji leaves early to help load the bus. You leave the house at 7:30 in your leggings and old date tech t shirt, figuring it would just be a quick stop to drop off the bentos and back home to enjoy a day free from Kenji and responsibilities as an adult.

You arrive at the school and see the bus outside. It seems like the team is in the gym so you quickly grab the box making your way to the gym. You start to press the door open as you enter slowly.

Coach Oiwake looks up from his notes to see a beautiful young women standing holding an entire box of bentos.

Who are you? And how in the world are you so attractive?

"Kenji you jerk get over here and help your poor mother" you say sarcastically as the team snickers.

"More like 'poor me having to deal with my MOM showing up to my volleyball gym’" kenji rolls his eyes as he quickly walks away from you.

"Love you too sweetheart" you blurt out as every laughs and Coach Oiwake smiles.

"Futakuchi is this really your mother?" Coach says as he watches Kenji out the bentos on the floor.

"Unfortunately yes" Kenji says as he rolls his eyes rejoining his team.

You turn to walk out as Coach Oiwake stops you.

"Mrs. Futakuchi, hello I'm Coach Oiwake Takurō" he says as he extends his hand to yours.

"Oh no 'Mrs' please. Just Y/N" you say as you blush.

The team is observing your interactions.

"Awe that's so cute" Mai gushes as Obara places a hand on Kenji's shoulder.

"Man I don't blame coach at all. Your mom is hot" Obara laughed as Futakuchi glared at him.

"Can we please load the bus and stop talking about my mother? Kenji says.

"Well Y/N we very much appreciate you helping Mai with the Bentos" Coach Oiwake says to you as you smile.

"Don’t mention it Coach Oiwake! Kenji should be doing it anyways AS THE CAPTAIN" you sarcastically shout to him as he walks by you.

Coach Oiwake laughs "I can see where Futakuchi gets his whit Y/N and please call me Takurō."

You smile.

"I hope you'll be able to make it out to the tournament this weekend. I know the boys would appreciate the support" Takurō says as Kenji snaps his neck around.

"Oh no coach my mom is busy this weekend right MOM" Kenji says as he bores holes into your face.

"Actually I don't work this weekend Kenj! Hey that's a great idea! I'll come to support our boys" you shout as you go to hug your son.

Takurō laughs as he watches how cute you interact with your son.

"I look forward to seeing you there Y/N" Takuro says as he turns around winking at you.

Is the coach really flirting with me? you think as you giggle to yourself.

"Oh my god" Kenji shouts as he walks away "Oh don't worry sweetie I promise I won't cheer too loud for my precious angel" you tease as you bid the team and Kenji a farewell.

Damn I need to get to know her Takurō thinks as he smiles as you walk away.

taglist: @axoxtxhxh​

[getofy]

as you are loved by another

genre: angst; tsukishima x gn!reader | wc: 1.2k

—a/n: hello! this is long overdue but tysm for 100 followers aaa. it means a lot that people enjoy my stupid headcanons/word-vomits. as a gift i offer you: this angsty kei fic that i wrote in the wee hours of the morning. is it good? questionable. am i happy with it? not necessarily. however, posting this seemed better than scrapping so here we are </3. enjoy!

cw: brief mentions of death/funerals; self pity/deprecation; no spoilers; one-sided pining; hurt/no comfort

—synopsis: in which tsukishima’s not sure who he hates more: your new boyfriend or himself.

edit: i made it so when tsukki refers to ur boyfriend, it’s in italics. im so sorry i forgot to do that before.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

—Tsukishima had never considered himself to be a hateful person, and yet, here he was: laying in bed on a Friday night, thinking about you with him, and allowing levels of unprecedented envy to bubble up in his chest.

This was not how he had expected his night to turn out.

One moment, he had been doing homework at his desk, and the next, his mind was wandering to today at lunch when you giggled after receiving a text message from your insufferable boyfriend. The memory lasted for only a short moment, but it was all it took to make his head spiral. He had tried to control it, but once his brain got going, it was hard to get it to stop; eventually, he had to retire from being productive to rotting on his mattress.

Generally, Tsukishima was good at keeping sentiments such as these at bay. But it’s been getting harder to do that now, especially since you and him have been so affectionate together recently.

The cruelty of it all leaves him feeling burned by the fire of his jealousy, and a natural disaster of his own making plays out in the depths of his heart as he studies the intricacies of his bare, white ceiling. A song by some band he couldn’t bother to remember the name of emits itself loudly from his phone speakers while the middle blocker desperately tries to stop his train of toxic thinking. He rolls from his back to his side and lowers the annoying music’s volume; not even the most incredible lyrical masterpiece could pull him from the devastation the conflagration of his emotions had been causing him as of late.

And, besides, the sound was giving him a headache. He preferred to brood in silence.

The intensity of his feelings irritates him. Despite his outwardly antagonistic exterior, Tsukishima had always believed his tendency for total apathy would take precedent over any other negative emotion—including jealously.

Tonight, however, was proving this preconceived notion of his character completely wrong.

This wasn’t the first time he’d wasted his night thinking about you and him. Ever since the day you had giddily announced your new relationship, Tsukishima had been allowing himself to become more acquainted with the green-eyed monster, and this evening, he relishes in its company more than usual.

Pity parties like this—which was shaping up to be the worst one to date—had been happening to him more frequently. Feelings of contempt had become his newfound obsession in the sense that they consumed his very being. Hating him was easier than hating himself, and he enjoyed it. The only downside towards living so sullenly was that it made him realize that, more often than not, guilt was a close companion of unwarranted negativity.

Tsukishima knew better than anyone else how outrageous his feelings were. And feeling this way did trouble him, but then again, how could he not be envious?

Seeing the way his hand wrapped around your waist. Recalling the way his fingers traced little shapes into your hands. Remembering the way his eyes followed you as you walked out of the room—as if Kei’s hadn’t been the ones that did that first. It was all just too much for him to bear. Knowing that he made you happy in a way that he could not.

The overwhelming knowledge of his inadequacy makes the middle blocker want to double over in anguish, but he won’t, not yet. He is much too proud to allow himself to display such sorrow, so he’ll settle for feeling hatred tonight instead.

Of course, he knows that he’s in no position to be feeling this way. You were never his, and he had never shown interest in changing that. It was only a matter of time before someone swept you off your feet and gave you the affection he had neglected to provide you with. This whole situation was very obviously his fault. If he had been brave enough to confess before he had, maybe he’d be the one you loved instead. Or maybe not. Your new boyfriend was absolutely perfect for you, and Kei was anything but.

This was so tirelessly aggravating. Why did you have to be stupid and date somebody he could never compete with?

White-hot resentment flows through his veins, and he’s not sure if it’s directed at you, himself, or the man you love. Regardless, one more second of this suffocation, and he thinks it’s likely he’ll die by the morning time. The thought of it makes him laugh, and it temporarily lifts the burden on his heart.

Maybe his funeral would be green-themed. That wouldn’t be so bad—he quite likes the color. Or maybe his tombstone would say something like: ‘Tsukishima Kei: A son, a friend, and someone left gasping for air after being smothered to death by the tight grip of unjustifiable envy.’

Wouldn’t that be something?

Tsukishimas mind betrays the light-heartedness of the moment ruined when, bitterly, it wonders how much you’d care if his death—albeit a metaphorical one—actually did happen.

You probably wouldn’t be too concerned, especially now that you’ve got...someone who isn’t himself who would happily help to console you as you grieve. You were always gushing about how your new boyfriend was such a good listener. One kiss from that guy would probably make any pain you felt about his own fictional death go away in an instant.

Not that he would blame you. Tsukishima thought himself to be pretty forgettable. And he was anything but.

Why reminisce on the underwhelming memory of his own life when you had someone who shone so much brighter than he ever could to focus on instead?

He hates this—the way he let it get this bad. What was wrong with him? He was acting like an entitled child watching other kids play with a toy he wanted to play with. And he hated himself for it. You were a person, not a possession. And even if you were, you were still not his to have.

No, you belonged to someone infinitely better.

Someone who made you smile bigger than he ever could. Someone who made you laugh harder than he ever would. Someone who he despised—second only to himself—more than anyone else in the world.

As he rests in the still of his room, evaluating how intelligent he could possibly be after doing something as stupid as falling for one of his best friends, Tsukishima Kei decides that while he may hate your lover, he hates himself more.

A strange melancholy replaces his previous feelings of jealousy, and his typical level of self-loathing cranks it’s way up to 100. There’s a growing ache in place of where his heart should be, and Kei shakily brings his hand to clench at it. When the pain does not subside, he deduces that his current level of grief was inconsolable. Wearily, the middle blocker shuts his eyes close and allows himself to escape to the bliss of sleep.

Maybe, he’d be able to outrun the misery of loving you as you are loved by someone else in the world of dreams.

He hopes he can.

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission.

a/n: again, i apologize for not being super active (mental illness goes hard), but i’ve been feeling better so hopefully that changes! likes + reblogs are always appreciated and feel free to give me constructive criticism (i know i need it lol). i hope you enjoyed.

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[miraculousladybugandconsent]

Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect. 

Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are.

Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away, without trying to get you to change your mind?

Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

Trust.

You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool, or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him?

It's okay to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters.

There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

Honesty.

This one goes hand-in-hand with trust, because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest.

Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie?

Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends?

The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her, and the trust will be on shaky ground.

Support.

It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you.

Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart, but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life.

In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

Fairness/equality.

You need to have give-and-take in your relationship.

Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see?

As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as they hang out with yours?

You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance.

Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get their way all the time.

Separate identities.

In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises, but that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself.

When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change.

Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love.

And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

Good communication.

Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you?

Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your partner wants to hear.

And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior.

Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or okay, but it's not!

Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect, or how to expect the same treatment. This does not make it okay to disrespect you!

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.

Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Even if your partner was or is being abused, it is never okay for them to abuse you, and you aren’t a bad person for keeping yourself safe.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my partner:

get angry when I don't drop everything for them?

criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?

keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?

want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?

ever raise a hand when angry, like they were about to hit me?

try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your partner is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast.

Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on, and make sure you're safe.

It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love.But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy.

No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems.

Your partner isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own.

Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you.

Even if your partner is mentally ill, or struggling with something in their personal life, it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them. A relationship is supposed to benefit both sides and make you both happy. If all it’s doing is making you miserable, it’s okay to end it.

You are never obligated to stay in a relationship, no matter your reasons for ending it. 

If your partner ever threatens you with hurting themselves if you leave them, tell a trusted adult immediately, and end the relationship. Even if someone is mentally ill, it is never okay to threaten self-harm or suicide to keep someone in a relationship, and you are not responsible for their actions, even if they try to blame you. Tell a trusted adult that your partner was threatening to hurt themselves, and end the relationship.

Manipulating someone with the threat of self-harm or suicide is abusive, and it is never okay.

If you are struggling with suicidal ideation or thought of self-harm, talk to a trusted adult or call a helpline. You can talk to your partner about the way you feel, but it is not okay for you to use your mental illness as a threat or a manipulation tactic.

Feeling suicidal doesn’t always mean you want to die, wishing you didn’t exist or were never born is another common symptom. Click here to find out how you can get help if you’re feeling suicidal or want to hurt yourself.

Another reason relationships might seem so difficult is because intense relationships can be hard for teens.

Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship.

Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You can take all the time you need, even if you decide you never want to date at all.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you.

And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move. Cheating isn’t okay, no matter your reasons.

Relationships can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too.

Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people, and know that no choice needs to be permanent.

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship, and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship.

Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others.

And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.

source

[pbandjesse]

I fet a lot better today but my lip looked horrible and so I only felt okay when I had my mask on. I did not want to be perceived. It looks a lot better now but for the whole morning it hurt a lot and needed a lot of tending too. This is why I shouldn't pick my chapped lips. 

I slept pretty good though. I was very anxious this morning about the doctor. I stood in the bathroom and wondered if I could still cancel. But I didn't. 

James drove me. They made pancakes first but I couldn't stomach any food. They promised me starbucks after. 

I got very nervous in the car. James had to circle the block and there was some police activity a few blocks away so they went out of the way and I was convinced we were going to be late. But they dropped me off and it was fine. 

I felt sick to my stomach. I was sure I was in the wrong place even though the kiosk where I checked in said to sick to the left. I was super nauseous with nerves. I had ripped my bandaid off and stored my skin around my wound. Because I have amazing luck. I texted James my worries and they were like everything okay! But then the nurse had to come find me because I was in the wrong place!! The kiosk lied to me!!

But the nurse was very nice. I was having a little bit of trouble hearing her. But she was a sweetheart. I have lost 10lbs from the last time I was there. And my blood pressure was great. 

And then I was in the room. I was shocked that the paper gown was just a vest?? They gave me a paper vest and a paper sheet!! I was very exposed. But I didn't have to wait long. 

I was nervous about the doctor, I didn't have great feelings last time but maybe she was just having an off day because this time she made me feel super safe. 

We talked about everything and the plan with my IUD is to replace it in febuary. I am not positive though. Maybe Ill switch to the shot? Regardless it is scary to get it out. I thought I had another year but that's alright. 

The exam was fine. I got a cramp in my leg. I tried to laugh a lot and not focus on the whole thing. They did a pap and that was very uncomfy! But didn't hurt as much as I anticipated. 

They did have me fill out a depression screening and as we were saying goodbyes and stuff the nurse picked it up and got big eyes and then the doctor got all serious. She gave me numbers to talk to someone to get medication. That she is very worried about me being depressed. And like. Yes. I will call the number, but its so frustrating. I tried last year and when I told her that that doctor could only see me once every 3 or 4 months she was like. What?? So at least I wasn't crazy that that was weird. 

I was glad to be done though. I called James and they soon came an got me and took me to starbucks. 

I got a very large drink so I could have it throughout the day. James got a crossant. We were standing and waiting when one of the baristas waved me over and told me that they were all talking about how cute we were and that we were the cutest couple. And it really just made my whole day. Huge confidence boost. 

We headed out and had lots of laughs about the compliments. James took my picture. And then we headed home. 

It was almost time for James to work. And I would work on styling. I did a little cleaning. And then made rice for lunch. 

I put red peppers and hot honey in it. And once I was done eating and done styling I decided I needed to lay down. 

Im glad I did. I slept for an hour and felt better when I got up. I cleaned up my face and went to get the mail. I was excited that my photos I had printed came and most of them look awesome. I want to get an album tomorrow I think. 

The camp chair we ordered also came! Its a two seater. We used the gift card that Ryan gave us and it was the perfect thing honestly. It is lower to the ground and is very comfortable. I am very very excited about it. 

I would work on my new print. I worked for a while but those eggs are tough! I am going to do those specifically tomorrow. But so far I think it is coming along great. I will hopefully finish that tomorrow pretty fast and then I can do a test print so it will be ready for the market on Saturday. 

I worked on making hardboiled eggs. Which I am never good at. I thought they were done and they weren't so I had to put them back in the machine. They would eventually be done and I had a very good egg salad sandwich. And when James was done work we laid on the couch and talked about the wedding. 

We sent an email to a place I think would be really great. I hope they get back to us soon so we can go check it out. Cause I think it will make me happy, make James happy, and compromise with what our families want. Cause I have been stressed about it since we had the conversations on Friday. It will be okay but I like when things are set in stone. 

I took a shower and now I am laying in bed with sweetP. It is lovely and breezy tonight. I am wearing a sweater. This is a really nice night. I hope you are having a nice night too. I am working on the museum tomorrow night. I hope it is fun. 

Goodnight everyone! 

[reeesea]

Something Sweet: Part One

~the sweetest drink on the menu~

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

pairing: just minsung, han jisung/lee minho

warnings: mild language (like barely)

words: 3.5k (2k too many ngl)

summary: Minho is working his usual shift at Seoul's most expensive high end restaurant, when a trio of new-comers arrive and by the end of Minho’s tedious night he’s plus one additional phone number.

a/n: To be honest this is the first thing I’ve ever written and actually posted. SO please accept this minsung one-shot that just came out of wanting more waiter Minho in my life. anyway if you read it and like it let me know, and maybe ill write more of it. In my head it has at least a few more chapters of non-plot where the other boys show up <3

---------------------

It had only been an hour since the dinner rush started and Minho was already counting the minutes until he could collect his tips and go home. Sure, he could think of countless more exhausting jobs compared to being a waiter at Menu 98 (an upscale restaurant in a part of town he most definitely did not live in), but today just hit different. He never had to do much more than just put on his Customer Server Smile ™, not mess up the orders, pour the wine without spilling, and recommend the highest priced appetizer if asked. Pretty simple stuff. Nothing too draining, but still the exhaustion set in, probably due to spending 2 more hours in the dance studio than he should’ve the previous day. 

His feet were paying for those additional long hours trying to perfect choreo by making each minute of his shift more painful than the last. Even so, working at the ever popular restaurant paid for the daily discomfort that Minho may have felt from his blistered feet. The restaurant was a well known hot spot for anyone with enough money to casually spend the equivalent of three of Minho's paychecks on a meal. CEOs and their business partners along with idols and some lesser known celebrities made up most of their usual clientele on a casual Friday night like this one. The customers always came in waves on Friday evenings, parties of usually 4 or more coming in to celebrate some successful business venture that took place during the week. Great for Minho really, because that meant usually more wine, more appetizers, larger meals, and larger checks, which means bigger tips. His bank account really needed these Fridays especially if he was gong to keep saving up to finally pursue his dream. 

A new party of six was just assigned to Minho’s section. Trademarked smile: on, Feet: still aching, Hours until close: at least another three. It looked like tonight it was going to be a long ass night. 

An hour or so passed before Minho was able to get some form of rest from being out on the floor. Minho leaned his body weight against the wall near the back of the dining room, appreciating the brief calm before the night crowd started to roll in. Thoughts of the dance he was trying to choreograph flashed through his head. He hoped that the movements he’d chosen would be able to convey the emotions of the song he had in mind. The thought of asking Hyunjin to watch his performance briefly popped in his head, but before he could consider it further the hostess was calling his name. 

“Minho! There's a new table for you in section three.” Minho moved from his comfortable position against the wall and went through his checklist; Apron? Flattened. Backup pens? Check. Hair gently moved out of his face to perfectly frame it? Check. Lastly, Polite customer service smile? Obviously. 

The three boys at the table were definitely new customers to the restaurant. Minho observed that the three of them appeared to be blissfully unaware of the de facto business casual to fully formal dress code that the other patrons in the restaurant followed. The Trio seemed to sport the street style that you would see in the popular clubs not only a block away. Two of them clothed in almost all black outfits while the third wore a bright pink colored hoodie under his jean jacket. 

“Hyung, I still can’t believe we did it! The crowd was huge, I mean after going on stage I don't even remember anything. I might have blacked out. Holy shit did I actually black out….” Pink hoodie seemed pretty animated about whatever the reason was for their meal out. Maybe a little too animated, as other tables glazed bitterly toward the source of their evening’s disruption.   

Before approaching he considered the possibility that these boys being idols was likely, but Minho still found it odd for multiple reasons. He didn't recognize them at all as idols, which he was usually pretty good at keeping up with, and when idols did casually come in it was more likely to be on a weekday for an early dinner and not a late Friday night after the dinner rush. Nonetheless, with his perfect waiter image on, he walks over to the table never showing his curiosity.

“Good evening gentlemen, My name is Minho, and I’ll be serving you tonight. Is there anything I can get you to drink before your starters?” His script rolled politely off his tongue like it had the whole night. All complete with a slight smile and arms perfectly placed behind him, as carefully and as naturally as a doll whose been posed in the same position for the past six hours.

The wide set, somewhat brooding boy has already decided after glancing at the drink menu, “yeah I'll order a bottle of the house red for the table,” glancing up at Minho from beneath his black cap. Minho swiftly wrote down the order, and moved his glance over to the next boy at the table.

“Hyung, you're the only one of us who chooses to drink wine voluntarily,” Pink hoodie spoke up, seemingly upset about the prospect of drinking bitter fruit water. 

“Jisung, you're just saying that because you can't handle anything that you can actually taste the alcohol in. I'll drink whatever Bin gets,” the handsome curly haired blonde mentions, glancing at the soft hoodied boy next to him with a look that reminds Minho of a disappointed father. Minho actively fights off the smirk that is wanting to form on his lips.

“WHAT that's not true, THAT ONE TIME I drank an entire bottle of-”

“Fine, fine just stop yelling. You’re gonna get us kicked out before we even get to eat” Mr. Black cap glances up at Minho again, but with a more apologetic look. “Add on an order of the fruitiest and sweetest drink you serve still with alcohol in it, for the small squirrel boy.” That last part came with a smirk from the dark haired speaker and a glare from from the ‘squirrel boy’ to his left. 

Minho had trouble keeping the smirk from forming this time. And maybe his perfect image faltered for a second, but he was quick to recover, and confirmed their orders with a straight face and a promise to return with water as he left to give them time to select from the menu. 

---

“Great now our waiter thinks I'm a whiny baby who looks like a squirrel. Wow, thanks Changbin-hyung.” Jisung grumbles and pinches his cheeks that cursed him with the rodent nickname. 

“Good, at least he won’t be fooled into thinking you're anything but the truth” 

“Yah! WHa-”

“Hey settle down you guys, lets try not to get kicked out please. Binnie recommended the food here, and I would very much like to eat it before we are politely asked to leave” 

Jisung grumbles something inaudible at Chan’s request, and Changbin can't help but respond with a smirk at getting to see the younger be told off.

“Also we're supposed to be celebrating selling out our show so lets do that, yeah? First show 3racha single handedly sold out! WE did that!” 

All three of them get proud smiles after that, and the bickering is left forgotten as the three recount the night, even though they had lived it together

“Not gonna lie, I think our Binnie stole the show tonight. You were on fire tonight man.” Chan said proudly, receiving a thankful smile from the younger boy, who had become shy and bashful at the praise.

“Though, Chan-hyung your rap was so charismatic tonight, you almost made that girl in front faint when you winked at her, the whole audience fucking lost it” Jisung had switched from literally yelling to just a whisper shout for emphasis.

“Hahaha, yeah I can't even believe that happened. Man, today’s energy was just different.” The smile on Chan’s face was blinding, as usual. “Hopefully we can get to play even bigger venues soon. I could get used to this...” Chan mused, seemingly already focused on the future plans of 3racha. 

“Yeah, those paydays would be real nice right about now.”

“Bin-hyung, what are you talking about, you’re literally loaded. Plus since you got that producing job, we can actually pay the rent on the apartment you parents let us stay in '' Jisungs pretty thankful for all the support Changbins parents had given them, while the three of them worked toward their collective dream to make and perform music. But he thinks they all can agree that finally being able to use their own money to live instead of just relying on handouts and the kindness of friends or family to help keep them from becoming starved or homeless, is a new kind of satisfying that Jisung hadn’t considered before. Just look at them now, at one of the nicest (and most expensive) restaurants in Seoul, fighting over drinks and having a meal that would hopefully be the first of many celebrations for their groups accomplishments. The trio could all agree that the financial stress has been one of their greatest worries, and that beginning to escape it has been all kinds of relieving. 

Before any of the boys could respond to Jisung’s comment, Minho had returned with three glasses of water, three glasses for wine, and a bottle of wine all balanced perfectly on a tray perched on the palm of his hand. Jisung had to admit it was impressive how he had managed to balance all of the glassware and liquids without losing balance, and while moving with more grace and agility than he would expect from your average waiter. 

Before Jisung had even returned from his thoughts, three glasses of water and the expertly poured wine glasses, all set delicately without a single drop spilled, were identically placed in front of each of them. Graceful may have been an understatement. 

“Have you decided what you would like to have tonight, gentlemen?” Their waiter Minho said, all with a gentle expression on his face. 

No, the answer was no, but before Jisung could respond, Changbin had already ordered the pricey steak to go with his wine. Soon after, Chan ordered the surf and turf dish that had a stupidly complicated name that Jisung couldn’t pronounce. Jisung hadn’t even remembered them even looking at the menu, or maybe it was just him who had yet to even glanced at it. Details. 

“Uhhhhh…” Jisung searched hopelessly over the menu and then at his friends, who stared blankly back at him, then back to the menu again. This was a regular occurrence when the three decided to go out and eat, when they weren’t holding themselves in their apartment for weeks at a time. Still, Jisung always ended up hopelessly unprepared to successfully order without awkward pauses and at least three consecutive strings of ‘hmm’s and ‘uhhh’s. And so,

“Hmmmmm…. I think.. Uhh…. maybe…” nothing was popping out at him, and Jisung was pretty sure at this point that he had forgotten how to read. “Ya know what, surprise me,” he decided this was the best response he could come up with.  

“Surprise you?” Minho looked just as confused as Jisung felt.

“Yeah, is that an option? If not, I'm this close to just closing my eyes and pointing.” He says while dramatically closing his eyes and waving his finger over the menu. Once again Jisung was hopeless.

He hears a soft chuckle and opens his eyes just in time to catch their waiter’s lips curl in a sweet smile that makes his eyes turn into crescents. It lasts barely a second, before his face returns to his neutral customer service expression. But Jisung decides he really likes that smile, and a part of him is sad to see it retreat so soon. 

“Well in that case, I can do the blind pointing for you, but I personally recommend the seasonally prepared local beef served on house baked brioche, that comes with garlic and parsley potato wedges. Does that sound alright?” Jisung felt he had said it faster and with more details just to confuse him. 

Jisung stares at him blankly in response, and he's pretty sure four whole seconds pass in silence before the Pretty Waiter ™ follows up, an ever so slight smirk on his lips, “it's pretty much a really good local burger with homemade fries, I think it would be something you would enjoy.” 

Jisung grins at that, “Oh! Yeah that does sound good...Thank you! I will have that.” For some reason he really likes the idea that their waiter chose something off the menu that was specially meant for him. Not that he wouldn't like all the nicer and fancier dishes they serve here with small plates with dry ice fog, but a part of him was more content in getting a dinner that didn't require him to question whether or not something on his plate was even edible. And the happy curiosity definitely had nothing to do with the way their waiter’s eyes sparkled when he talked or the barely-there smirk that Jisung just caught sight of. 

“Alright then, I’ll put in these orders. Oh! And then I'll be right back with your speciality fruit drink,” He says that last part with a slightly more upbeat tone, resulting in another smirk to appear on Changbin’s face and a groan from a slightly embarrassed Jisung.

---

Minho surprised himself. 

On any given day of work at Menu 98, he deathly avoids having to do anything more than the regular polite small talk. But for some reason, tonight he couldn’t stop himself from playing along with the antics of the cute boy at his table. The three boys were entertaining, and maybe he could blame the exhaustion and the numb pain in his heels, but the comical distraction was welcomed by Minho. He didn't even realize just how much he had been looking for a distraction from the long shift until it was staring right at him with big shiny eyes and a cute round face. Minho hurried back to enter in their orders, including his suggestion for the squirrel looking boy.

Minho wasn’t going to deny that the flustered boy at the table was cute, he was pretty aware how attractive all three the boys were when he took their orders. He had thought they were idols originally, so in Minho’s mind it made sense. Still, the waiter still felt something about the three was too unique to be categorized as just idols or trainees. As much as it may have piqued his curiosity though, Minho still got paid for his service not for his interests in customers, so he brushed it off almost as soon as it appeared. 

The rest of the evening, Minho tended to all four of his assigned tables with his usual perfect server act and minimal small talk. When it came to the three somewhat boisterous customers in the corner table, Minho may or may not have allowed himself to subtly laugh at their arguments and antics. The dynamic of the three boys was slowly becoming the highlight of his late night shift. Each of their personalities greatly contrasted and amplified the other, making way for animated and comical exchanges and arguments between them. 

When Minho had returned with a Strawberry daiquiri for the boy in pink, a chorus of giggles could be heard from the other two boys, while the other happily accepted the drink in substitute for the untouched glass of wine in front of him. Upon drinking it, the cute boy's eyes somehow widened further and shined more than Minho thought was possible. He flashed his heart-shaped smile as he thanked Minho for the drink. 

Minho nodded in return, and internally decided that Heart-shaped smiles were his new favorite. 

---

Jisung had been hyper since the show, and the energy was now focused on a new mission to see the pretty smile of their waiter again. Granted, he didn't have to try that much harder to gain the attention of the pretty waiter, being the loud and excitable person naturally he was. Every small grin that Jisung was able to pull out from under the other boy’s infuriatingly polite facade, was a major win in his book. 

Chan, Changbin, and Jisung celebrated further by enjoying the food, which was all phenomenal, and discussing their next gig the coming week. The best way to celebrate one performance is to look towards the next, or someother random bullshit Changbin had said after a couple more glasses of wine.

Overall the night was a celebration of all of the dedication and hours they had put into their music, as well as their grind to perform and grow a somewhat sizable following. They were all high on the potential of finally getting to realize their dreams and reach their goals as a group, something none of them actually thought they would get to do together. The overwhelming happiness of the night easily made it one of Jisung's new favorite memories. 

As the boys were finishing off their third--or forth--drink (Jisung definitely had another one of the strawberry drinks Minho had brought him), after dinner and figuring out their checks, Jisung felt a surge of boldness. Mostly due to having a few drinks in his system, and the slight infatuation he had with the pretty waiter's smile, Jisung decided ‘whats the worst thing that could happen? Rejection? lmao’ and wrote down his name and number on his receipt in hopes that Minho would actually read it, or maybe even contact him. Maybe. 

It was a shot in the dark, but Jisung had been feeling a little high on life, and felt like he couldn’t leave without at least shooting his shot. Jisung and the other members of 3racha got up to leave, and Jisung searched out the waiter. He  wasn’t able to see him in the mostly empty dining room now, but a hopeful part of him felt that he would see him again, leaving the restaurant with his arms around his members already bickering about who would get to shower first after their long night. 

“I'm just saying, Chan-hyung I know for a fact that you’re not even going to make it to the front door before passing out, so I call dibs. And Jisung, I’m older than you so I get veto power over your rights and decisions as your hyung.” 

Jisung was about to grumble in response but something about how Changbin’s smile was so carefree left him feeling like he deserved this victory. Changbin was definitely a little tipsy, but seeing his hyung so happy after such a rough week made Jisung glad to do anything to keep that smile there.

“Fine, fine hyung but you have to help me carry Chan-hyung up stairs when he inevitable falls asleep on me in the cab” 

“I don't know what youre talking about,” Chan replies, already yawning, while climbing into the cab.

---

Minho was picking up the receipts from his tables when one of them caught his eye.

Hey, I’m Han Jisung ^~^ (the cute one in the pink hoodie!)

Thanks for your suggestions, best waiter ever!!!

I think your smile is beautiful, Maybe I’ll get to see it again sometime?

555-XXX-XXXX

Minho couldn't help but smile to himself. He’d been hit on occasionally by customers and has been given countless numbers, which usually don't make it much farther than the trash, but something about the innocence of the note and cuteness of the boy made him actually consider keeping it.

He scoffed to himself after a second of considering it. As cute as the boy was, and as sweet as the note was, Minho didn’t have time or energy to have another added person in his life. No matter romantically or platonically, new relationships were on his ‘things to stay away from if you ever wanna make it into the dance academy’ list. He already barely ever saw his roommates, and if they weren't all in the same dance troupe, they probably wouldn't talk much. All of their time was spent working and practicing, and he and his roommates only had enough energy and free time to spend a meal or two together on the weekends. There just wasn’t any more time for anything extra, no matter how nice the idea may sound. 

He was about to give the little message the same treatment as the others as he cleaned up for the night, but a part of him couldn't bring himself to throw it away, and discreetly pocketed it instead out of instinct. Out of sight and out of mind as far as Minho was concerned.

-----

thank you if you read this far <3

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

[mollydollyjournals]

Wednesday 30th June, 155lbs. Not all that happy about that... i knew i wasnt going to get a huge weught drop today but its still annoying that its slightly higher than yesterday. I guess if its partly due to fluctuation then thats okay, but i cant really know.

-- im just gonna add here that since i got this phone the autocorrect/autofill situation really hasnt improved much so i guess i just make loads of typos now. Its irritating but i really cant be fucked to keep going back correcting everything so if you see me typo no you didnt --

I sort of feel smaller and sort of dont. Cant really tell. I didnt take my measurements when i got up - i could do it now but first thing is always best so idk. I should take a photo too. Wednesday will be my photo day i guess. Im nervous about that one. Thats where i need to see at least some difference from last week...but i dont know if there will be and if there isnt then im gonna feel really bad. And im not sure what time of day i took the other ones or anything like that. So maybe its not consistent? Ugh

I wanted to be 154 tomorrow, which is still possible if todays weight is a fluctuation. I mean i guess i could also get it by dehydrating myself today but water weight loss doesnt count. Im not really sure what to do. I had my usual salad breakfast. I still feel really tired. I woke up kind of early so could be i didnt get enough sleep, but it could be anything really. But i know ill struggle to do much physically today. Which means im gonna be stuck in the same situation later where i know i should eat something else but im scared ill gain weight so instead i starve and then im still exhausted the next day etc etc it all continues.

I just want so badly to get under the 150s. I have an event next weekend as well and if id managed to stick to everything from the start id be 147 by then. Its like 9 days away now so theres no way i can do it now. But i still want to get as close as i can. There'll be photos and stuff and i dont wanna have to explain that yes ive done my hair and makeup and am wearing at least vaguely nice clothes but no i still dont think i can handle being in photos because im fat

Hb is asking if i wanna go out today which feels weird but its an easy way for me to get some physical activity without pushing too hard. We just walk in the woods and stuff. I cant go by myself, and this way if i start feeling lightheaded or somethi g then i have someone to help me out. So ill do that. Hopefully i wont feel horrific.

I really want a cigarette. I smoked a bit these past couple of weeks but i finished the pack a couple of days ago. Still craving it now. I dont smoke regularly anymore, i dont even use nicotine at all, but occasionally i want a cigarette or two...i get the absolute lightest ones i can find (silk cut silver/mayfair fine if i cant find those/ideally vogue platine but i dont think ive ever seen those in england) and have one or a few, usually if im drinking out somewhere. So i especially didnt smoke much this past year. With that in mind, its kind of weird that my cravings are spiking now. But i think its not just the chemical craving thats the issue for me - im in a mindset where im just craving Things in general, so this is another one of those things.

Wednesday would be a drinking day, but i drank on monday so i shouldnt today. I cant drink on friday because i want to on saturday. Which means i can drink tomorrow, and probably should if i feel like i cant get to saturday. I definitely want to drink today though. Its annoying. I really want to drink and smoke and play music and just be decadent. But nome of it really helps the stuff i need to change.

Ill drink a load of water, do this walk, see how i feel later. I should probably make myself eat dinner, so ill just make sure i have 'safe' options. I want to have energy, but i also need to lose weight. I need to feel okay in my body. I need to not hate the look and feel of myself. I cant do it anymore

[turtlepated]

The Handbook for the Recently Married (to the Deceased)

 [TW: some body horror near the end, also mild peril. But then again it’s Beetlejuice, that’s kinda his bag.]

Tag list: @sapphic-florals , @beetlejuicebeadoll , @do-ya-hear-that-sound , @imtherain .

If you’d like to be tagged in upcoming chapters, just say the word!

Chapter 1 –

After a long and frustratingly mundane week at work, I had planned to spend my Friday evening relaxing on my sofa, perhaps enjoying a glass of wine, watching something on TV that didn’t require me to pay too much attention.

What I had not counted on was being trapped in the neighbors’ basement.

The move to Winter River, Connecticut from my small south-eastern hometown had been exciting, a whirlwind of activity that had consumed every waking thought for weeks. Settling in at a new job had likewise proved a lengthy distraction as routines were established, names and faces memorized and cubicle walls personalized. Soon, all too soon, routine became repetition and monotony sank its claws in deep.

Even getting my new living space organized how I liked it didn’t take up as much time or energy as I hoped it would, leaving my mind to wander familiar old paths I wished to stay away from. I never even got around to officially meeting my neighbors before, in a terrible and tragic accident, both died in their home. Idle watercooler gossip at the office informed me that they had been a normal young suburban couple in the midst of their own home renovations. From what I could tell of the exterior of the stately Victorian-inspired farmhouse, they’d done a pretty good job. When the new owners moved in, the changes were almost immediate and quite radical.

The fancy cars parked in the driveway had New York state plates, so I figured it must be some Manhattan socialites looking for a place to get away from the fast-paced city life. Again, I neglected to make myself neighborly by foisting niceties on them (I could practically hear my grandmother gasping in shock and dismay all the way back home). Whoever the new arrivals were, they were quite busy. Only a few days after they moved in, as I was locking my front door to prepare for sleep, I saw additional cars in the drive and figured they must be having a housewarming party or something. Not much later, as I lay in bed scrolling idly through my phone, I thought I heard a chorus of screams. I scrambled to the living room windows, phone in hand, ready to call 911 but nothing looked amiss at the house on the opposite hill. The other cars were gone, but otherwise everything appeared normal. I dismissed the screams as nothing more than an errant gust of wind. I thought no more of it until late the following afternoon.

When I got home from work there were no cars in the driveway at all and I assumed the occupants were out. I let myself in, deposited my shoulder bag and empty lunch box, and went to check the mail. I frowned when I shuffled through the small collection of envelopes, noting that they were addressed to someone I didn’t know. Glancing at the house number, I turned to the Victorian farmhouse. It seemed I would finally be making the acquaintance of the Deetz family. 

I walked the short distance between my driveway and theirs, though my calves protested the incline as I scaled the hill. I caught my breath before I rang the doorbell, not wanting their first impression of me to be of a panting, red-faced person having a coronary on their doorstep. Getting my breath back, I pressed the ringer and knocked smartly for good measure. There were muffled noises of movement from the other side of the door, hushed voices and what sounded like stifled laughter. I frowned again but continued to wait. Following what sounded an awful lot like multiple voices shushing each other, the door slowly creaked open and a figure appeared in the narrow aperture. It took me a beat to realize that it was a teenage girl; her curly black bobbed hair, black dress and black combat boots nearly blended in with the darkness beyond the doorway. Her eyes traveled up and down appraisingly, taking me in and looking decidedly nonplussed. I smiled, feeling awkward, which was ridiculous. Just as the silence between us began to grow really uncomfortable she sighed and drawled, “Can I help you?”

I tried not to look or sound too relieved when I produced the stack of envelopes in my hand. “Hi! I live across the hill. I just stopped by because it looks like our mail got mixed up.” The teen’s gaze swept lazily from the proffered letters back to my face, a slow smile stretching her mouth as she pushed herself away from the doorframe and moved aside. “Sure thing. Why don’t you come on in?” Unconsciously I glanced past her into the yawning blackness of the foyer. It wasn’t an unreasonable request, maybe a little forward for something as trivial as exchanging mishandled mail. But something felt off about the inky shadows that lay unnaturally thick just behind the threshold. It was crazy to think so, but it was almost as if the darkness were watching me. The fine hairs on my arms and the nape of my neck stood on end in warning, but I shook off the sense of foreboding as simple paranoia mixed with my own social ineptitude. I returned her admittedly unsettling smile with one that I hoped was charming and friendly. “Okay,” I chirped, ignoring the sirens and alarm bells ringing in my head as I squeezed through the opening into the house.

I’d thought that there would be some lamps on somewhere inside, but I was surprised to see that the blackness was undisturbed by any source of light save for the small amount seeping in through the open door. Before my eyes had time to adjust, the teen shut the door with a jarring snap that seemed to echo around me and plunged us into total darkness. I swallowed and held myself still, not wanting to risk moving around and knocking anything over until I got my bearings. “Are, uh,” I stammered, forcing down the slight tremor trying to work its way into my voice. “Are your parents around?” I asked. From somewhere nearby the girl’s voice replied, “They stepped out.” Once again I could swear there were other voices in the room with us, moving around, giggling quietly. Trepidation was squirming in my stomach, trying very hard to build itself into full-blown fear but I muscled down the mounting sense that I had just made a very stupid mistake and plunged onward with social decorum.

“Oh. Well I can come back later when your folks get ba-” As I spoke I turned slowly in place, trying to discern where in the room the girl had gone. I cut off, going stock still as something moved in the dark. A shape, darker than the dense shadows around me, was suddenly there, looming directly over me and drawing a startled gasp from my throat. “Oh! Excuse me, I didn’t see you there,” I apologized lamely, blinking with watering eyes when a light abruptly snapped on as though the strange person held a spotlight between us.

At first I thought I must be hallucinating, maybe dazzled by the light which was oddly green? That had to account for the bizarre looking person still standing entirely too close to me. We were close in height, which put us at eye level as we took each other in. A man, I was relatively sure, dressed in an ill-fitting and very dilapidated black-and-white striped suit. His face was pale, almost gray, as though he’d spent decades living under a rock. There were odd patches of color at his temples, in the hollows of his cheeks, under his eyes. His gravity-defying hair was a shocking bright green, as was his scruffy five o’clock shadow. He grinned at me, the corners of his mouth stretching just a touch too far, his teeth just a little too sharp. “Hi,” he rasped brightly in a voice that sounded like he’d been gargling with crushed glass.

I gulped and shuffled back a bit, feeling uneasy at the faintly manic gleam in his eyes as they roved my face with avid attention. “He-Hello,” I replied, smiling, hoping the disquiet wasn’t showing on my face. “Are you… Charles Deetz?” He snorted loudly through his nose, flung his head back to give a dramatic chortle before snapping it back to face me, bending forward at the waist until his nose nearly touched mine. “Nope!” he answered with the same exuberance that was almost alarming in the eerie green light throwing his cheekbones into sharp relief. “Wanna see something?” Without waiting for an answer from me he raised both hands to the upswept rat’s nest atop his head, burying his fingers into the stiff strands, and began to rake them down his scalp with such force that the skin split open at the part. I watched, paralyzed by horror but unable to look away, as he pulled the skin further down, peeling his head like an orange to reveal sickeningly red facial muscles and white bone. He let his arms drop lax at his sides, the torn skin hanging down around his neck like a grotesque frilled collar.

Frozen, terror-stricken and trembling with shock at the gruesome display I jumped and gasped when his eyes popped open in their grisly sockets, round and bulbous and red without their eyelids. “BOO!” he shrieked, lunging at me with predatory quickness. The scream that had been building deep inside my chest burst out as I backpedaled frantically away, yelping when my calves connected with something solid while momentum continued to propel me backward. Losing my balance completely my stomach lurched as I realized I was about to fall, hard, into an open doorway with downward sloped stairs. I had the barest glimpse of the green-haired ghoul pressing his face back into place while a stooped figure also clad in stripes and green hair rose to his feet with a matching mischievous grin. My back hit first and I grunted in pain, trying to curl myself up to hopefully minimize the damage. I hissed with each impact, my shoulder, elbow, and shins throbbing by the time I finally reached the end of the staircase. “Hey, hey, hey!” I squinted, coughing on dust to see the man in the stripes standing on the landing and calling down to me, his hand on the doorknob. “Was that trip necessary?!” He laughed uproariously at his own joke and this time there was no mistaking the sound of other voices laughing along with him. “Stick around, babes! We’re gonna have a hell of a time!” He leered, clenching his top row of teeth over his bottom lip as he pulled the door shut, waving at me as he did so.

In the dark basement I hauled myself painfully to my feet, shaken and aching all over. I patted myself down in search of my phone before remembering that I’d plugged it up and laid it on my headboard in my bedroom in my house, which might as well be on the other side of the world for all the good it did me now. I raised both arms and felt blindly around, seeking out the handrail. My fumbling fingers found worn wood and I grasped it in both hands, feeling for the steps with the toes of my shoes before making my way up. It was slow going, the last thing I wanted was to misjudge my footing in the semi-darkness and take another tumble. Finally I made it to the landing, reaching forward to find the doorknob. I grasped it firmly and leapt back with an alarmed shout as a tiny voice squealed, “Hands off the merchadiiiiiiise!”

A string of curses left me as I teetered and tipped back, falling again, but my back met a smooth, sloping surface. It was… a slide? It was difficult to tell at first, but light began leaking in from somewhere vaguely overhead and I could see that I was indeed whizzing down a large slide like something from the state fair, striped black and white and green and leaving no doubt in my mind as to who was somehow behind this. I tried to stop myself as the slide spiraled much further down than the stairs had gone, corkscrewing and leaving me dizzy. Flinging out my palms and digging in my heels, I screwed my eyes shut against the burn of friction against my skin, gritting my teeth with the effort as I gradually, blessedly began to slow down and then stop. I gasped, my chest heaving as I craned my head around to take stock of where I was now and how far away the door back to the living room was. I groaned when I realized that I had slid so far down I couldn’t even see it. I carefully repositioned myself and sighed deeply as I prepared to begin the arduous climb back up. 

---------------

And thus begins a totally and shamelessly self-indulgent bit of fic in which (as you can probably guess from the title) I get to marry Beetlejuice. This will be something of an AU/continuation of the events of the play but mostly it’s just gonna be the first person Reader being fluffy and angsty and domestic with everyone’s favorite stinky rat demon man.

Hope you liked!

Chapter 2

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

A Silent Refuge

Summary: While having a 'spider-sense' can come in handy, it can also be a hindrance. Especially when the constant hum keeps you awake at night. Peter learns that there is one place he can go that feels safe enough to silence his heightened awareness and it's where Tony is.

Warnings: none

Tags: Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark and May Parker Co-Parenting Peter Parker, Tired Peter Parker, Fluff ... ...

Word Count: 3653

Link to Post on AO3: A Silent Refuge- happyaspie

    Tony woke up entirely too early in the morning to his phone instantly vibrating on the table beside his bed.  When it finally went quiet he sighed and tried to go back to sleep only to have it start up again immediately after.  With a groan, he haphazardly felt around on the table until he had the offending device in his hand and then fumbled to answer it without ever looking to see who was calling.  There was only a short list of people who could reach him through the one line that didn't go through FRIDAY and if they felt the need to call him twice in rapid succession, then he figured it must be at least somewhat important.  "What's up?"

  "Is Peter with you?", the voice on the other line asked and it took Tony longer than it should have to figure out who was talking to him.  In fact, he had to pull the phone away from his ear and glance down at the name before it clicked and his sleep-rattled brain slowly started to work things out.  It was May and she was asking him about the kid.  Pete.  Peter.  She thought Peter was with him?

  "No.  Why would be he be with me?", he asked with confusion.  It was way too early on a... whatever day it was for the kid to be with him.

  "I don't know!", May clipped and Tony was suddenly awake enough to register how distressed she sounded.  "I went into his room this morning to make sure he was getting up for school and he wasn't there.  There's no note, he's not answering his phone and he's not with Ned, so I was hoping that you had him.", she asked, her voice sounding more and more perturbed the longer she spoke.

  "May... I would never come to collect your kid in the middle of the night without saying something.  I'm not that irresponsible.", Tony said as he sat up and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes.  Then he remembered that at one time he's lied to the woman and hauled her nephew out of the country without her knowledge and gave in a little.   "Okay, maybe I am but I didn't.  He's not with me.  Let me pull up the suit stats.  Maybe he got up before you and went out for an early morning swing.", he said with an exhausted sigh but May didn't seem to think that was the case being as she was once again huffing in his ear.

  "You don't understand.  He's not answering his phone, Tony.  Oh, god what if he's hurt?", she said with growing anxiety that was starting to send ripples of worry through Tony as well.  Especially when the console he used to monitor the Spider-suit came up blank.

  "The suits not active.", he stated not quite masking his own concern.  "Jesus.  Okay.", he started as he ran his hands down his face and let out a deep breath.  "Okay, I'm going to have FRIDAY track his last location and check the surveillance.  I'll let you know when I find something.  You just hang tight in case he returns home."  

  "Please, just find my kid.", May returned without missing a beat.

  "I'll find him.", Tony assured ahead of abruptly ending the call.  A thousand thoughts were running through his mind as he stepped into a pair of sweat pants.  It was times like these that he was thankful for his AI assistant.  He didn't have to waste any time.  She could get started while he finished throwing a shirt over his head and made his way to the lab.  "FRIDAY?  Pull up the Spider-suit's tracker and pinpoint its last coordinates for me, will you dear?"

  Not even two seconds passed before the AI was dutifully responding with the information that he'd requested  "The last known location was recorded at one-thirty-two in the morning.  I'm sending you the coordinates to you now."

  Tony felt his watch twitch and looked down at the location expecting to see it somewhere in Queens.  Maybe even in the kid's closet but that wasn't the case and he brought his brows together with perplexity.  "That's a block from the Tower.  What on Earth was he doing there?", he rhetorically questioned but the AI responded anyway.

  "I believe he was using the suit as a means of transportation.", FRIDAY replied and Tony rolled his eyes.

  "He usually does.", Tony said with mild frustration as he too tried to dial Peter's number only to be sent straight to voicemail.  The kid never had his phone turned off and that sent his lingering worry over the edge causing unfavorable thoughts to flow endlessly through his head.  "I swear, if it wasn't frowned upon by every single government agency on the planet, I would put a tracker in back of the kid's neck.", he said through his teeth.

  "That would be a human rights violation at best, Boss.", the AI chimed in, only adding to Tony's annoyance.

  "Thanks, dear but I'd already figured that out for myself.", he acknowledged while simultaneously opening up all of the screens in front of him.  "Pull up the surveillance footage and let's see if we can figure out what our resident spiderling was up to.  Hopefully not getting kidnapped because it is way too early in the morning to deal with anything like that.", he said in an attempt to keep things light but in reality that was his number one fear at the moment.  That the kid had snuck off and then gotten captured.   There were people out there that would love to get their hands on Spider-man.  Then just as he was starting to spiral, FRIDAY spoke up and eased the panic.

  "Mr. Parker was not kidnapped.", the AI informed causing Tony's nack to snap up from where he's been staring at the floor.  FRIDAY wasn't programmed to lie under any circumstances and that meant that she'd already been able to deduce something he just didn't know what and even though no more than half a second had passed he was already beyond aggravated at the lack of instant explanation.

  "Is there something you're not telling me because I'm starting to get a little anxious here.", he snapped.  "If you know something that I don't, now would be an excellent time for you to fill me in."

  "Mr. Parker entered the building at one-forty-two via the furthermost window of your private lab and has been asleep on the couch in the corner ever since.  Would you like me to wake him?"

  Tony's brain completely stalled at the information.  He felt swindled.  Outraged.  The kid was currently occupying the very room he was sitting in.  Granted it was a large room and the couch was in the furthest corner but the fact that he'd not been informed was maddening.  "I'm sorry, Did you just tell me that the kid has been back there for the last...", He glanced down at his watch, "...six and a half hours and you just now decided to tell me?"

  "Mr. Parker has full access to your private lab and requested that I not--", FRIDAY began to designate but Tony wasn't interested in the AI's miscalculated reasoning.  Just because the kid had access to the lab didn't mean he wanted him to come and go without notice.  JARVIS would have inferred that on his own.  He was intuitive, could practically read his mind and-- he didn't have time to think about that as another notion invaded his thought process.

  "--Wait, he's not hurt is he?", he asked, his heart beginning to palpitate in his chest as he awaited the answer.

  "No injuries or illnesses were detected upon his arrival.  Other than some minor sleep deprivation, Mr. Parker seems to be in excellent health.", FRIDAY said and Tony ran his hands through his hair and took several deep breaths.  Once his heart had gone back to a more normal rhythm he stood up and began to weave through the various machines as he made his way towards the far end of the sprawling workshop where, sure enough, Peter was laying there completely knocked out.

  For several seconds, Tony watched the boy's chest rise and fall in a soothing manner.  He had one arm tucked under his head as a pillow and the other dangling over the side, his fingers brushing the floor while both knees were pulled up towards his chest.  It didn't look overly comfortable but the kid's slack features seemed to say otherwise.  He almost hated to wake him.  Then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.  It was May.  A quick text to inform her that her nephew was alive, well and in his care, he leaned over to shake Peter awake.  "Time to rise and shine, Spiderling.", he said just loud enough to cause the teenager to stir.

  "Mr. Stark?", Peter slurred as he opened his eyes. 

  "In the flesh.", Tony returned with a fond smile.  Even with a little bit of drool on the corner of his mouth, the kid looked sort of cute, laying there with his hair sticking up as it was.  "What are you doing here, kiddo?  Not that I don't enjoy your company but it's a school day and your aunt was kind of freaking out.", he said making the teenager shoot up into a sitting position so fast that it made his own head swim.

  "Shoot!  I overslept.  I need to call her!", Peter said as he hurriedly pulled his phone out of his pocket only to realize that it was dead.  "Shoot! She's going to kill me."

  Smiling at the early morning dramatics, Tony sat himself down beside the stressed-out looking teenager and patted him on the knee.  "I've already let her know that your safe and with me.", he and then paused as the softness he'd been feeling started to fade into minor irritation.  Mostly because his pocket was still buzzing with was no doubt, numerous questions form May.  Questions he couldn't yet answer.  "You know, after adamantly insisting that you weren't with me when she called this morning.  So, how about we backtrack to my first question.  What are you doing here?"

  "Sleeping?", Peter apprehensively responded.  

  "Okay...", Tony said with a quirk of his eyebrow.  "Is there something wrong with your own bed?"

  "No, but...", Peter began to but then found himself unable to locate the words necessary to explain any further.  Partially because he wasn't sure he wanted to.  Being caught had not been a part of his plan but Tony was looking at him with rapt anticipation and he knew he had to say something. "It's kind of hard to explain?"

  "Well, I'm going to need you to give it the good ole college try because you showing up in my lab unannounced before dawn is worrisome.", Tony countered with seriousness and gave a curt nod of his head.  "Which reminds me.  FRIDAY?  New rule.  Anytime the kid enters or exits the building I want a heads up.  Every time.  No matter what. We'll call it the Baby Gate Protocol.", he added with a smirk, fully aware of how much the kid would hate the diminutive name. 

  With a deep sigh, Peter looked down at the floor where he'd kicked his shoes off upon his arrival. He was already resigning himself to the fact that he would never be able to stealthily enter the building by any means ever again  FRIDAY would no longer comply with his request to remain unattended.  "That's not really necessary, Mr. Stark.", he tried.

  "Apparently it is considering I spent the last fifteen minutes tracking your location only to find out that, surprise!...  you were literally across the room from me the whole time.", Tony said in exasperation.  "Inept and uninformed is not a good look on me.  So, forgive me for preventing it from happening again... and for the third time.", he pressed, "Why are you here?"

  "I can't sleep at home.", Peter answered in defeat.  "I mean I can but it's, it's hard and I was so tired and my spider-sense wouldn't shut up so, so I came here.", he quietly explained.

  Tony looked at the kid beside him with a wrinkle of concern etched across his brow.  "Doesn't your spider-ESP usually warn you that you're in danger", he asked because it made no sense that the kid would never leave May at risk.  He would protect her with his life.

  "Yes but no.", Peter said with a shrug of his shoulders and another sigh.  He legitimately didn't know how to expound on the subject.  Even he wasn't one-hundred percent clear on how his spider-sense worked sometimes. "It does the thing where it makes my hairs stand on end when there's an immediate threat but it's also just always there in the back of my skull.  Except it's more of a constant, quiet hum.  Just enough to keep me alert.  During the day it's fine.  I only really notice it at night anymore but sometimes there are nights where its more annoying than others and I just... can't sleep."

  Tony made sure to maintain eye contact to show that he was listening.  He had no experience with spider-induced anxiety but he certainly knew a thing or two about insomnia.  "So... you thought you would come by and mess around in the lab by yourself?", he asked dubiously by virtue of the fact that he was still unclear as to how the sleep-deprived teenager ended up on his couch.

  "No, Mr. Stark.  Just sleep.", Peter said as he chewed on his bottom. "Like do you remember last week when you had to wake me up after I fell asleep with my head on your desk?", he asked and waited for him mentor to say that he did.  "Well, I realized that day that my spider-sense is quiet when I'm here.  Like super, quiet and I think it's because it just feels really, really safe when I'm here.", he adamantly replied before wavering slightly as he weighed his next words. "I think, I think it has to do with you.  ...because when you're around, I can sleep without having to force myself to ignore that buzz.  It's like my DNA knows that you have the ability to take care of me while I rest.", he said and almost felt bad about it.  He knew May would always try to protect him too but the fact of the matter was that she was vulnerable and Tony... he was Iron Man.

  Smiling fondly, Tony wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulders.  He wholly understood the levity that came with that admission.  "I'm glad you feel safe with me, Buddy.", he gently replied and after that, things grew quiet with thought.  He'd met the kid months ago and at that time the teenager had said that he'd acquired his abilities six months prior.  He wondered if something had changed or if the kid had honestly gone that long without a good night's sleep.  "You've had your powers for a while now.  How have you been dealing with that all this time?"

  "Well, that's why I would patrol so late at night.  If I exerted enough energy to become exhausted, it made it easier to sleep and I guess I just sort of got used to not getting a full night's sleep.  Then when Aunt May found out about everything and gave me a curfew it made things more difficult.  Sometimes, I'm so tired I can't think straight but all I can do is stare at the ceiling.  I knew if I came here I could sleep and I thought I set an alarm on my phone so that I could get home before your or May found out but I guess my battery died.  I didn't mean to make everyone worry.  I'm so sorry, Mr. Stark.", Peter shot back all in one continuous ramble, taking a sharp intake of air at the end.

  "Calm down, kiddo.  We know you're safe now and that's what matters the most.  We're going to have to come up with a better plan for you to get some sleep though.  I can't have you sneaking in through my windows at all hours and you should be sleeping in an actual bed and not on an old worn-out couch.", Tony said as he pulled the kid into his side could feel him instantly relax against him and sighed contentedly.  He had Pepper, Rhodey and Happy but even still, it had been an exceptionally long time since anyone had told him that they trusted him so extensively and it felt good to have someone else by his side.  "We'll talk to your Aunt.  Maybe you can stay here overnight sometimes.  At least on the weekends.", he said before thoughtfully adding, "Of course, by here, I mean in the bedroom I'm going to set up for you in the penthouse."

  "You don't have to do that, Mr. Stark.  I mean I would really appreciate being allowed to sleep there sometimes but I don't need you to give me a room or anything.  The couch is fine, I promise.", Peter replied but he couldn't entirely stop himself from smiling at the man's offer.  Being invited to spend some nights there was amazing enough without the added grandeur of knowing he would have a space set aside just for him.

  "No, It's not fine.  You need a room with a bed and I'm going to do that for you.  Now, from what I can figure, you're already late for school so, you may as well come upstairs with me while I call your aunt.  I'll make you some breakfast and then you can take a nap.", Tony said as he tried to formulate a plan for exactly how he was going to relay all of this newly acquired information to May.  Although, his thoughts were interrupted sooner than they had the chance to flow.

  "--I can't just skip school, Mr. Stark!", Peter squawked despite the fact that he had to have already missed at least one period.  

  Tony chuckled and gave the boy's shoulders a firm squeeze.  "Pete, you just sat there and told me that you haven't had a good night's sleep in months so I'm afraid that I'm going to have to insist.  I'm sure May will agree once I explain everything to her.  I'll even write you an excuse.  How about that?", he asked with a smile, though his tone didn't no margin for argument.

  Suddenly realizing how tired he still was, Peter nodded his head and yawned so wide that his eyes watered. 

  Giving an approving nod, Tony led them both upstairs where he took to the stove to make an omelet while Peter made use of the bathroom.  Then, once he had the kid settled at the kitchen table he disappeared to talk to May in the privacy of his office. It took very little persuasion to get her to agree to allow her nephew to spend a few nights a week at the tower.  Especially if it meant that he wouldn't allow himself to get so exhausted that he felt the need to sneak off in the middle of the night again and Tony couldn't have been happier with the new arrangement.  He'd not realized exactly how close he'd actually gotten to the kid until he was being faced with a near panic attack at the prospect of him having gone missing.  Consequently, he was still smiling to himself as he reentered the kitchen.

  "Everything's all set.  Your curfew had officially been extended by half an hour and May agreed that you need a day off.  She also agreed that from now on you can spend your weekends with me.", Tony said with an unwavering grin. "If you want to of course."

  "I would love that, sir.  If you're sure it's okay, I mean.", Peter said with a smile of his own, soon after hopping up to place his dishes neatly into the sink.

  "It's fine.  Better than fine, it's great.  Means I'll have you around to do all the heavy lifting in the lab those days.  My back can only take so much and the Iron Man armor isn't as comfortable as you would think.  This is an absolute win for me.", Tony flippantly replied and then gestured for the boy to follow him up the stairs. "This is my room", he said as he lay his hand on the closed door at the front of the wide hall before turning to open the door that was adjacent to it.  "...and this is going to be your room", he pointed out while watching the kid's eyes light up at the sight.  "We'll have to get you some stuff to keep here and redecorate so that it suits you but there's a bathroom, a walk-in closet and the bed should be comfortable enough."

  "This is amazing.  Thank you, Mr. Stark.", Peter replied all starry-eyed and grateful.

  "You're welcome, kid.", Tony said, chuckling at the way the teenager dramatically fall backward onto the mattress.  "Now you go ahead and get some rest.  I'll have FRIDAY will tell me when you're up and then I can drive you home.", said with some remorse.  He would have loved to have had to kid stay there for the whole day but his aunt had insisted that he needed to get home.  Though he was already looking forward to the weekend.  

  "Thank you for letting me stay, Mr. Stark.", Peter said as he peeled back the duvet and climbed under the sheet. 

  "You're more than welcome.", Tony returned as he gave in to the urge to run his fingers through the boy's hair, smiling when the kid leaned into his touch.  "Good-night, Buddy.", he whispered and then quietly slipped out of the bedroom.

[mineofilms]

2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry…

Where to begin… I have been a type 2 diabetic since 2013. I got diabetes from excessive partying/drinking, originally. I continued to behave like this till June 2020. Granted, I wasn’t going as hard, in general, over the years, but each year and hardship I found myself going back to those old vices more frequently.

When the pandemic struck SWFL my drinking went up about 400%. No joke. I trained 4 days on and drank the other 3 days, hard. I did that from March to late June.

I caught Covid-19 around June 26th. By July 11th I needed to be hospitalized for Diabetic Ketoacidosis (where the body produces excess blood acids; ketones. This occurs when there isn't enough insulin in the body. It can be triggered by infection or other illness.) & Pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas. It happens when digestive enzymes start digesting the pancreas itself.) I was in ICU for 36 hours and in the hospital for 5 days. I lost 21 lbs over that time.

3 days after I got home from the hospital, Macular Edema (blood vessels in the retina burst and bleed into the eyes), set in. That took about a month to heal only for Diabetic Retinopathy (those same blood vessels that burst heal and are inflamed).

Usually requires anti-inflammatory shots into the eye ball and laser surgery to burn away some of the excess scar tissue. These cost thousands of dollars without insurance, which I do not have. I have read that they can heal on their own, but it takes about 8-12 months. I am in month 4.

However, I actually cannot confirm if that statement about them healing on their own is actually true or not. Some notes in journals say yes while other, more creditable sites, say no. One must get treatment.

Now let me be clear that Covid-19 did not cause my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis. My lack of proper care for my diabetes caused these. I was already in the yellow and when I got Covid-19 it just put me in the RED. I now, at this point, required medical care or I would die. Those are the facts about me getting Covid-19, my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis…

Flash-Forward to now… I got my blood sugars down to near normal (high) levels. This means my blood sugar is still high, but for me, I used to walk around at 400. 500-600 is diabetic coma. 80-120 is considered normal. I walk around between 130-230, currently, fasted.

I have not had a drink since June 26th. I will never drink again. I can’t.

1) Alcohol has thoroughly ruined my adult life in all sorts of areas besides this. It got me sick to begin with among, other, things.

2) If I drink I could be back in the hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis, again.

3) I made a deal with GOD. If I have to live through this (I prayed to die that night) that I would never drink again.

What kind of dick lies to GOD lol? A decade ago I would have… I hated everything about the concept of GOD. Now, I have come to terms that if there is or there isn’t; it doesn’t matter. I value me, my beliefs. Why not carry myself with that respect. I do not need to tell or share my beliefs with others. I care not for such things.

I am solely worried about my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health.

I did not quit drinking because of addiction issues or any of that business. I made the choice because if I didn’t my pancreas would fail and I would be dead in a few months. That is how bad my pancreas was… I do not see myself as someone that is doing all this for attention. I have barely even made mention of this whole story on my social media. I have told people in direct messages, but I do not post everything that is happening in my life on social media.

Granted this Tumblr account is considered social media, but I do not use it for that purpose. It is strictly for my BLOG entries. I do not follow people on Tumblr. I post, get my URL and share it that way. Its not in your face on Facebook or anything, but one can click the link and go read about the crazy things in my head.

Taking care of my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health is a full time job in and of itself. Now, currently I cannot work. I can only drive during the day. I cannot see well enough to drive at night.

I have other medical issues stemming from this and it is quite the laundry list. However, I think I gave you all enough to think about.

I am back in great shape now. Since I quit drinking and got back from the hospital I went from 119 to 163 lbs. I have not been this big since 2012. Right before I believe my Diabetic State started. My strength is coming back with a vengeance too. I am putting up more weight than I have in nearly a decade.

I have had to make serious and big changes to EVERYTHING in my life.

My computer is now changed from dual 22 inch monitors to one 46 inch monitor. I have to make changes like this just to see well enough to do some things on the computer.

I am still very blind. My vision has decent days and some days I cannot see much of anything. I cannot see my phone without a magnifying glass. I just got my eyes looked at several times cause my power keeps shifting and now my current glasses setup does not exactly help much. My computer glasses are ok for this, but my normal bifocals are pretty useless.

However; I do feel like I can write a little bit more now. I have a few blogs I want to write and then go right back into the novel. This might be the only realistic possibility of me being able to work to earn my keep. Normal 9-5, Monday-Friday are out of the question, indefinitely.

Not only am I not well enough for the grind, physically. My mental health is very questionable. I have had issues for years now. I have had about 20 jobs in 15 years. I have done a real number on my mental health over the years. Always trying to do more, work harder than the next person so I can make that “good money” that some always throw in my face. I did the work. I put in the time, but only to be messed with. Yes, I have that sort of mental issue.

One tries to mess with me. Mess with the positive shit I am doing. I lose my head pretty quick. I have repeatedly demonstrated over the course of my life that I have no restraint at all when it comes to that feeling of being seriously fucked with and have them look at you like; “What are you gonna do about it?”

Well that is it… I always do something about it. Even when I know I shouldn’t. It is my worst impulsive trait that I cannot get a handle on. Ever since I was a kid. I wanna say. It started when I was 11 or so.

I have made huge strides in changing my life, my thinking and how I fit into the scheme of things. I have become more an introvert than an extrovert. Even before the pandemic I was going out less and less. Doing things less and less. It got to a point to where I only went out when I could drink and/or the band was playing. I was already becoming less social. So this is nothing overly drastic about that UNLESS you count Facebook activity.

I have not advertised much on my Facebook and for good reasons… I posted about my 6 months of sobriety and the responses I got were all about, pressing on and “the struggle.”

I pulled it down. There was no struggle here. I am not a keep on keepin’ on mannnnnn… Type of Personality… No… I quit drinking so I can live another 10-15, hopefully more, years.  I just went through a friend dying from literally drinking himself to death. I know what people go through with their addiction struggles. I have my own reservations about how I feel about said subject matter.

Needless to say I did not appreciate how people view me on Facebook. I no longer post blogs their either. I post here on tumblr and put a link on my Facebook if anyone wants to read. That is about it.

I know people do not read more than a handful of sentences that ends with a weird hashtag or snapchat handle. I get it. It is also my fault because I have not told the Facebook wall/timeline of my mental and medical conditions and struggles. I reserve those conversations to be personal.

So if you want to know stuff, then let us get personal. Pretty much that simple. I do not do FAKE FRIENDS…

I try to be transparent. In the past it was easy, but now everyone has an opinion that they call facts. I do not know how many people I blocked on Facebook for being so damn ignorant or attention seeking.

I know I do not do attention seeking things. When I write it is with intention to say something. I would say 1600+ words on these subjects merits a little more than “attention seeking” behavior…

Things are looking up. I have done soooooooooo much. With so very little and make it look like I have a lot and that everything is fine. No. God Damnit… Everything is not fine. I am kicking ass trying to make something fine but not everything. Everything will never be FINE… Not ever. However, I can strive for it. I can continue to put in that work and just ignore the dumb shit. Which I am becoming pretty good at. I am still me. I am still blunt. If I rough feathers that is just my way of getting those people away from me.

Goodbye 2020… You will never be forgotten and your mark has definitely been left…

2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry… By David-Angelo Mineo Words 1,738  12/30/2020

[eltanin-malfoy]

Get A Grip III - Epilogue

pairing : draco/fem-y/n 

word count : 3.3k

warning(s) : mentions of healing/PTSD/war/sex, lots of fluff.

requested : sort of??

a/n : i just wrote this in one sitting! lol. i hope this is satisfying?? i know a lot of my stuff ends on cliffhangers so I decided not to do that for this one. give me some feedback pls! love u! hopefully this doesn’t come off as rushed??

tag list : @kaibie​  @acciodracoo​  @drawlfoy​  @war-sword​  @socontagiousimagines​

Part I II

Y/N’s life as a healer was nothing short of tedious on paper. But she still loved it.

After having received specialised training for treating those impacted by war, trauma and violence post her basic healing certification, her schedule remained full, full, full, thanks to the Second Wizarding War, of course. Everyone and their mother was impacted and gravely so. Thanks to the Ministry’s work towards spreading awareness about the mental implications of war and trauma, everyone had been encouraged to seek support. 

Her ward at St. Mungo’s remained constantly occupied, with the people who were permanently disabled as a result of the violence of the war taking up beds and pretty much being forced to spend the rest of their lives there. It was heartbreaking, but she had to keep her head up high and help them move on. She’d been lucky enough to be able to cool down the impacts the war had had on her in time enough to complete her schooling and be able to work towards achieving the goal she had desired ever since her seventh year at Hogwarts.

Her clinic times were full as well, with her having to both counsel and treat afflicted patients. There were some familiar faces here and there, old friends and teachers and classmates from Hogwarts. And also, the others who’d been in the cellar along with her. Sure, a hospital wasn’t an ideal destination for her to meet others, but it was the only place she seemed to have time for. The little time she got off, she’d stay home, reading up and attempting to expand her knowledge of post traumatic stress disorder based on Muggle research. (Someone had to put in the effort for the rest of the Wizarding World, right?) Romance wasn’t something she put effort into anymore. Sure, she’d had a few affairs, but.. she wasn’t actively looking for something, not when she was so busy. 

But sometimes, the best things come when you least expect them to. 

Y/N was sitting at her desk, writing off yet another prescription of Potion for Dreamless Sleep (something that was so greatly helpful to those suffering with mental illness, you’d never have thought!) for a previous patient. She soon finished writing notes about the frequence of the dosage they were permitted and charmed the parchment to go to the patient’s hand. 

She checked her list and almost froze as she read the name of her next patient. 

Malfoy, Draco. 

Age : 27. (D.O.B. : 5th June, 1980.)

Blood Status : Pureblood. 

Nationality : British.

Ailments : 

Diagnosed with PTSD at 18. Now mostly recovered. 

Suffered severe physical damage and faced Cruciatus curse at a young age, has some sensitivity to loud noises, flashing lights, etc.

Suffered dark magic curse at 16, left with minor scarring on abdomen. No other permanent effects.

Hereditary concerns : skin hypersensitivity, family history of osteoporosis.

Prescriptions : 

Potion for Dreamless Sleep. (Taking regularly for 10 years.)

There was a name she hadn’t seen in years. She’d thought about him, sure. But they hadn’t stayed in contact at all. She usually learned the most about him through the Daily Prophet, where she’d recently learnt he’d been seen talking to a woman at a party. Huh. There really wasn’t much to report about anymore, it seemed. Maybe that was something to be grateful about?

Most of what was on his sheet was expected, when she’d last seen him, at Hogwarts, during their 8th year, which most of the others in their year had chosen to forego, she remembered he was still taking the potion. The only oddity was his continued prescription.. most patients would basically be ‘weaned’ off of it by their fourth or fifth year of treatment.. why had Draco been taking it for twice that long?

Either way, she kept staring at her door a bit nervously, awaiting his entry. There was a soft knock at the door and she bit down on her lip. “Come in.” And then.. He.. walked in. 

She offered him a smile and ushered him over to the chair in front of her desk.

 “Hello, Draco.” 

He was wearing dark robes, his height still prominent as he stepped into the room. His hair seemed to be a bit longer than she remembered it, a few pale strands covering his forehead but still styled meticulously. He seemed obviously more mature, and a bit less skinny than the boy she remembered. There were slight wrinkles on his face, under his eyes, which could again be traced back to the stresses of war, most likely.  

“Good afternoon, Y/N.” He looked at her with an eyebrow raised. “I.. I recognised your name but I didn’t know whether it was really you. I should’ve brou-” For some reason, she forced out a slight giggle. “That’s no-no problem at all, really. I was a bit surprised when I saw your name too.”

“I usually have my check ups with uh.. Healer Bole? I thought it was him again, but the name on the door confused me.” “He’s taken some time off these past few days. That’s why they must have assigned you to me instead.” “I suppose…”

Y/N looked straight into his eyes as an awkward silence rose into the room. His grey pupils stared right back at hers, blinking very slowly. What were you supposed to talk about with someone you’d been close to ten years prior? 

Oh, right, she was supposed to be healing him. Thank god there was no need for any actual small talk between them. 

“So, what brings you here today? If you need counselling or anything, I probably shouldn’t do it since we know each other personally an-” “Oh, oh, no. I just needed to refill my prescription.” “For Potion of Dreamless Sleep?” “Yes.” “Right.. Before I do that, could I ask you about it..?” “Um, sure?”

“Well.. I wanted to know.. how come you’ve been taking it for so long? I don’t know if you know, but patients are only recommended to take it regularly for a maximum of five years.”

“I.. I need it. I can’t sleep without it. The nightmares are still awful.” “But you’ve been.. taking it regularly ever since th-”

“I have.” “So.. how do you know the nightmares are just as bad?” “Well.. um.. I’ve tried sleeping without it, it didn’t work out well for me.” “For a night?” “Yes.” “Well, I’d like for you to try it again, for a few nights. We can send in a nurse for you, if you want.”

He looked at her with a slightly pained, irritated expression.

“Must I..? Bole would give me the prescriptions just fine.” She hesitated for a second, then thought through what he’d just said. “Bole was.. making a mistake, I think. Did he know you’d been taking it for that long?” “I’ve been seeing him all along.” “You’re kidding!” “I’m not..”

Wow, had she just discovered her colleague had been engaging in medical malpractice? Taking the easy way out of a complicated situation? Surely, there had to be more to this, right?

“Did he never ask you to try..?” “He did, but after I told him it didn’t go well the first time he seemed fine with just continuing to prescribe it to me.” “I see..” Hmm. Bole had definitely not done the right thing. It sounded terribly lazy. He was risking Draco developing an addiction just so that he wouldn’t have to put in actual effort to heal him. When dealing with a case as such, patients were often kept in the ward for observation, but obviously Bole hadn’t even brought up the possibility of the same to Draco. A complaint was going to have to be filed, it seemed.

“I hate to inform you of this, but I feel Bole might have done the wrong thing in this case.”

“Oh..?” “Yes, I will again insist you try to forego potion for a few nights. There are major potential implications of using it for as long as you have, and we can avoid any actual damage if we can have you give it up soon.”

“But.. Y/N.. I..” “Come on.. “ She bit at the inside of her cheek. “Like I said before, we can have a nurse come in for you and observe. And also.. It’s Healer Y/L/N to you, Mr. Malfoy.” He smirked at this and set his hands on his lap, taking a deep breath. 

“You know what, Healer Y/L/N? I might be willing to try.. but.. I don’t want a nurse to come in. I want you to.”

Her eyes widened and she reached for the quill on her desk, fiddling with its fibres. When an ex challenged you as such, were you supposed to take it? The feelings he used to stir inside of her had long faded and she was sure the both of them had moved on as much as the other had, it was a mutual break up, in the end. Was this supposed to be related to that..? Was he.. Actually interested? Or was he just playing games? 

Did it even matter? Life was getting a little boring. Something a little out of the ordinary for her would be fun, for sure.

“You know what? Sure.”

***

It was seven o’clock on Friday evening when she finally finished up with all her work at St. Mungo’s and headed home, ready for the night that lay ahead of her. 

She slipped out of the lime green uniform robes she wore to work and went through her wardrobe, confused. What the hell was she supposed to wear? Definitely not something inappropriate, not something overly casual, and not something too fancy either. In the end, she was going over to his place to watch him sleep, and hopefully manage to sleep herself, not to sleep with him. (She was quite tired, admittedly.)

In the end, she decided to wear a pair of pyjamas (white with purple stripes!) just out of spite. Would it be a turn off? Huh, possibly. Would it be funny? For sure. Would it be embarrassing? ..maybe, but hopefully not.

And so she did exactly that and apparated to his home. One she’d only visited years and years ago. 

It was just as grand as it was then. Probably a bit more wellkept now. Obviously so, since it had been 10 years since the war had struck.. since she’d been trapped inside that very cellar. And for a second, she just stood there, processing her memories. She was not going to let the sight of this house cause her to relapse, absolutely not. It had been years. Many years since then. She’d gotten over it. She didn’t need to think about it. 

Slowly but steadily, she made her way through the gate and into the estate. The hedges were gorgeous, trimmed to perfection and even with the sun down, the lamps set every few steps along made everything look even more.. perfect. Draco really did live in the lap of luxury. He always had.

She walked to the door and used the snake-shaped door knocker (Christ!) a couple times, staring up at the tall hardwood door as it suddenly opened. 

And of course, it was him. Him. In a blue cotton button up shirt and silky pyjamas. Cute.

“Good evening, Healer Y/L/N. Do come in. Nice outfit.” He took a step back and held the door open. “Good evening, Mr. Malfoy.” She stepped in, looking around curiously. 

It was all different. Draco had switched up the layout considerably. Gone was the dark and gloomy aesthetic that had presided over the interior of the house before. Everything was white now. Off-white, perhaps, like the color you’d call marble. The palatial chandeliers still hung from the ceilings, but that was all that remained the same. Everything else was brighter. She was glad to see it was so.

“Having a look around, are we?”

“Well, what do you expect, Draco? It’s been.. so many years.. It looks beautiful, by the way.” “Thank you, interior design by yours truly.” “I thought as much.. your taste has improved a bit, I’d say.” She smiled up at him.

The change was definitely helpful towards her not feeling panicked at the sight of the place. It actually looked.. inviting, to some extent. 

“Glad to hear you think so, Healer.” “Right, so, were you going to get to bed?” “This early? I thought we were going to have dinner first.” “I.. had some dinner at work. Quite a bit, actually.” “That’s too bad.. I just had Golby set out the table for us. Nice food too.”

“You can have it, if you like. I’m just here for work, am I not?” “.. Y/N..” He rolled his eyes. “No formalities between us, please.” “It’s not a formality. It’s protocol.”

He set his hand on her shoulder and she almost winced. “Please? For me?” “Ugh.. fine.”

***

Sitting beside him on the table brought back memories. Pleasant ones. Of all the times they had together. The first true ‘moment’ they had between them wasn’t one she liked looking back at all that much. It was unpleasant and could still trigger an anxiety attack. 

But everything after..

She could remember the joy that had filled her upon seeing Draco stumble into Shell Cottage that same day. He was wounded, badly, but he was alive. He could be healed. She’d helped Fleur as much as she could with all the healing after that point, and she took up a mattress right next to where Draco had been put to sleep, and she took care of him, personally. He was beyond grateful, as he’d told her a few days later.

And she was beyond grateful to Harry and Ron. They’d actually listened to her when it would have been so easy to just ignore her. She knew they’d hated him like anything at school, and it had truly elated her to see Draco again, actually alive. 

They’d spoken to Draco and he was actually willing to help them. He told them of the plans he knew the Death Eaters were working on. It wasn’t quite a lot to go off of, since apparently, You-Know-Who had begun to distrust the Malfoy family, but it was still helpful. Draco even told her he basically saved their lives by lying for them, and they’d basically returned the favour. She wasn’t sure about the specifics, really. All she knew was that they’d somehow balanced out what they owed each other. 

They’d spent a while at Shell Cottage before being moved over to a different safe house. Draco was the Death Eater’s biggest target at that point, and he had grown very, very scared. For some reason, it was decided that the two of them would go to the Tonks’ house. To Andromeda’s house. To Draco’s estranged aunt’s house. He felt even more afraid.

She’d been shunned out of their family! All because she’d eloped with a muggle born. He was afraid she wouldn’t take much of a liking to him, but.. it was completely different to what he’d anticipated. She welcomed with open arms, treated him like her own son. Everything was just fine. Or at least that’s what it seemed like.

The ‘Battle of Hogwarts’ came to fruition before them and the two of them stayed far from it, the lack of wands rendering them useless in such chaos. Obviously, after the conflict, they were off in search of their families. Draco’s was glad to have him back alive, as was hers. They’d apparently fled from the country the instant they realised she’d been kidnapped by the Death Eaters. 

But.. of course.. she was then forced to spend quite a lot of time at St. Mungo’s. PTSD. Thankfully, she was far from alone. Practically every other person even partly involved with the conflict was also undergoing some sort of treatment post war. And right after a particular therapy session, when Draco’d asked her to join him for a pint at the Leaky Cauldron, was when repressed feelings came out into the open and she kissed him. 

And that was that, really. 

They were inseparable for the next year. The ‘eighth years’ at Hogwarts, which consisted of several students looking to get the NEWT’s they’d missed out in the year prior, were banded together most of the time, and Draco and Y/N seemed to be joined at the hip. Well, until they weren’t anymore.

It was a mutual agreement. Neither of them were treating it very seriously and they had things to focus on. It ended on a positive note, with a little giggle between them and a hug. They were teenagers, after all.

But now, ten years later, she wasn’t sure why all those feelings were coming right back. Making her blush when he spoke to her. Goddammit. Why did Draco have to get cuter as he got older?

Soon enough, it was time for bed. They’d chatted for nearly an hour just at the dinner table and Y/N suggested he try sleeping earlier than usual, just for observation’s sake. And so he led her into his bedroom, shutting his door behind the two of them.

“Should I.. get you a mattress?”

“That would be nice.” “Actually.. wait... I..” She stared up at him curiously, smoothing back her hair. All of a sudden he grabbed ahold of both of her hands and pulled her forward, closer to him. 

“Draco, I-”

“No, I have a confession to make…” He took a deep breath. “I might have had.. intentions.. calling you over here. Doing all of this, really.” “You.. what?” “I asked them to schedule my appointment with you instead. I kind of.. missed you.” “..Oh?” “I totally get it if you don’t want anything.. romantic with me. I’m fine just being friends. I.. I don’t think you’re in a relationship, but of course, I could be wrong.. I just.. I.. we were so good together, you know?” “We were.” “We just.. got each other. You were so kind to me. Why did we even.. end us..?”

“It was a mutual thing, remember?” “I know but.. I like you, you know?” That made her cheeks flush more than she’d care to admit.

“You do?” “I do. I.. didn’t really need the potion when we’d.. sleep together. You’d just.. I don’t know how you did it.. But I’d feel calm with you. Around you. There’s no better candidate for a healer, really. I was thinking that you’d be very, very good.. and I was right, you were. You.. did the right thing, didn’t you?” 

This was so out of nowhere. She should be more shocked, shouldn’t she? But why was she feeling like she was on cloud nine?

“I like you too.” was all she could manage out. He looked at her for a second before giving her a wide, wide grin. 

“I can’t believe you pretended you didn’t know it was me! Was that just because you couldn’t be arsed to get me chocolates or something?”

“Uh.. well.. Maybe.” He laughed and she did too, playfully hitting the side of his arm. “I’ll get you some if you want them so badly. I have.. better gifts to offer you.” He winked.

“Draco!” She shook her head. 

“Fine. As you wish, Healer.” She just rolled her eyes at him and stared at him with the most sincere smile she could manage. He pulled her even closer towards him, bringing a hand up and setting it on her cheek. His eyes were suddenly on hers and she leaned up towards him, puckering her lips. 

And then their lips met. It was the most familiar feeling in the world and yet the most electrifying. Everything was soft and sweet and perfect. All their wounds were healed and they knew anything that still hurt would only get better. 

All was well.

[notoriousgrd]

Hello again.

So, provoked by a card from a friend, I realised it had been over six months since I last posted. I'm okay, despite real world events sucking throughout 2019, health is pretty much the same, hands are a little worse (a Lego kit I'd put off building for ten months was a bit of a struggle) and I honestly lose track of how long it's been since I last did something (posting here, tested for health stuff, bought things and not gotten round to wstching/playing them) but I've also come to terms with my health, made some adjustments and just get on with things as best I can.

So in 2020, going to try and post at least every couple of weeks here. Finally upgraded to a good tablet, so can access Tumbdlr easier now. So, a few important things from last six months.

Just before Halloween, Oscar who'd been with us for seventeen-and-a-half years sadly passed away. She was the best cat.

At the beginning of December, April became part of the family, she's a two year old adopted from a local shelter, she's settled in quickly and I always look forward to visiting every couple of weeks and seeing her.

Also got out and voted in December, overall result was bad but our county saw sense and voted the SNP back in after th e last election's bizarre result.

Christmas was the usual chilled out few days visiting the folks, got some useful stuff, a new hat and a lovely book from my brother.

I just got back from a another London trip, down to see Pro Wrestling EVE again with some other things over the weekend. Saw Rise Of Skywalker on the Friday night which I really enjoyed overall. Saturday morning visited the Cartoon Museum which had so much excellent art. On Sunday spent the morning and half-the afternoon at the Camden Markets.

Then a trip to the London Dungeon which was fantastic, A walk through the darker side of London with various scenes acted out in front of you, a couple of short rides, a Brian Blessed projection, great laughs and great effects, well worth the trip.

The weekend's highlight was of course Wrestle Queendom 3, three hours of fantastic wrestling and a meet and greet where we met most of the performers, we were less nervous this time so had some nice chats with them. Best of all was meeting the wrestlers from overseas, Nor "Phoenix" Diana is a hijab wearing wrestler from Malaysia and her ring gear is amazing, like a real life suoerheroine. From Tokyo Joshi Pro we had the magical girl Yuka Sakazaki and the cutest in the world Maki Itoh, who were both great to meet.

We had second row tickets in the smaller venue so had a great view of the action, throat is still raw from all the cheering, booing, chanting, singing along and being the buzzer for the rumble match. Again, an excellent show throughout and just what we needed after a depressing couple of months.

You can be sure we'll be doing our best to get to Wrestle Queendom 4 when it comes round.

Already, my hat is full of pins and badges and only had it three weeks. :)

Was a bit of a struggle at times and I was really ill when we got back to the hotel Saturday night, to the extent I thought we might have to cancel Sunday's activities but I'd recovered enough by the morning and there was almost always somewhere for me to sit and rest for a bit if needed. We never walked too far in one go, used the tube and buses to get around mostly.

Apart from that, been upgrading things just in case my fitness for work reassessment (due in April) doesn't go well, waiting on the arrival of my first Doctor Who Blu-Ray set (Season 26, I had to) and a four hour 80's horror movie documentary called Into Dsrkness that me and my brother's names are in the credits for as we pre-ordered a collector's edition.

Can't think of anything else right now, will try to post semi-regularly and hopefully mire longer posts now I'm not using my phone. :)

[is-this-a-skam-account]

@lucallemant: @srodulv is making breakfast, send help

Shelter Chapter 7

Lucas decided he never wanted to leave that apartment. Not for anything. Not for his friends, not for his mom and definitely not to go back to his own home. He never wanted that moment with Eliott in the kitchen to end. Kissing him felt so right. Hearing Eliott pant and moan against Lucas felt so right in so many ways. And feeling a moan being pulled from himself as Eliott trailed kisses and bites down the side of his neck was just perfect. It felt like he was being sent to Heaven. Eliott had started backing them up towards the wall, which Lucas landed against with a thud. Lucas didn’t understand how Eliott was so seamless with his kisses and his touches, which roamed from his waist up to his neck, into his hair, back to his ass and lower back. It felt like he was going to explode.

“Wait-wait,” Lucas panted.

Eliott popped back up to eye level, and Lucas couldn’t help but stare. His lips were puffy and red, irises were blown out in arousal and his hair was a mess from Lucas running his hands through it. Lucas was sure he didn’t look any better. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Lucas calmed slightly as Eliott began to rub gentle circles around his shoulder blades, prompting Lucas to talk. He saw the Alpha glance at his lips a multitude of times, which almost had Lucas saying “nevermind, forget it, keep kissing me and take me to your bed to fuck me senseless.”

“No-nothings wrong,” Lucas managed, pulling himself from his thoughts. Eliott smirked in triumph, “everything’s perfect, really. I just...I think we should talk first.”

Eliott seemed a little taken aback by what Lucas had said, but nodded all the same. He peeled Lucas off the wall, holding his hand as he guided them back to the couch. Part of Lucas really wanted to go back into the kitchen and continue making out, but the other part (the more rational part) decided that this had to be done before anything escalated. So they sat there for a few minutes, Eliott simply waiting for Lucas to begin talking, which Lucas appreciated. He was struggling to find the words.

“Eliott,” Lucas finally said, making Eliott’s head snap up in surprise, “obviously I like you, I like you a fuck ton actually,” that made Eliott laugh happily, “but I’m...complicated. You shared with me your mental illness the very first time we saw each other face-to-face, and putain that made me so happy, that you were willing to talk to me about it. But I have issues, some issues that you may not want to deal with-” his voice caught in his throat.

Eliott reached out a hand and grabbed Lucas’s, “it’s okay,”

Lucas smiled as a silent thank you before taking a deep breath, “for starters, I’m still in the closet. I know I’m gay, I’ve known for a few years. But, I don’t know. It’s scary to think about what being gay means to me; if that makes sense? I mean, you met Chloe, she’s nice, sweet, attractive. But even though I’m not actively attracted to her, I’m using her and, fuck, that makes me hate myself. It’s not fair to me or to her.” Eliott started massaging the back of Lucas’s hand with his thumb, “but I’m so scared of my friends finding out the truth about my sexuality and-” Lucas had to pause, he had to, “I know it’s stupid, to think that my friends would reject me if they found out I was gay. Because I know they wouldn’t. But it’s just this thought that’s always present in the back of my mind.”

After a couple beats passed Eliott said, “it’s not stupid to think that, Lucas. It’s normal. I was petrified of coming out as pansexual to my family and friends, because you never know how people will react. And it’s scary because ‘coming out’ is something you will have to do for the rest of your life, but we’ll take it day by day. Minute by minute, even. Sure there will be assholes will give us crap about being ‘gay.’ And there will be people who will assume we’re just really really close friends who hold hands and show our deeply rooted affection for one another, because people are dumb,” that made Lucas laugh and Eliott snickered. “It’s true, they are. Just like you were stupid for not realizing how much I’ve been hitting on you since the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

“Oh, I noticed.” Lucas laughed.

Eliott frowned playfully, “so, what, you were just dragging me along?”

“I let you kiss me didn’t I?”

Eliott leaned forward, making Lucas fall back on the couch. Eliott hovered over Lucas, a predatory look in his eyes. Lucas wasn’t entirely done with his confessions, he still had to explain about his dad and his suppressants and his whole thing with being an Omega. But he couldn’t bring himself to utter another word when Eliott was looking at him like that.

“You know, I didn’t see you for the first time in one of your music videos.” Eliott muttered as he slid his knee between Lucas’s legs.

“Ah, ouai?”

Eliott nodded slowly, rubbing his nose against Lucas’s, “yeah. I saw you the first time you ever performed. Out on the street corner with those bins scattered around you. You didn’t see me, because I blended in with the crowd. But, God, did I see you. You are so captivating, Lucas. It’s like all my senses are drawn to you,” Lucas moaned as Eliott’s soft stubble rubbed down his neck until he stopped to nibble at the skin just above the shirt.

The truth was stuck in Lucas’s throat as Eliott kept venturing downwards, hands trialing under his shirt. He knew he should tell Eliott before they kept going; he had to. The truth was bound to come out at some point. “Eliott, wait, hold on,”

Eliott groaned and slipped his hand out from under the sweatshirt to look back up at Lucas, “what’s wrong? Do you not want this? I don’t want to push you-”

“No, no, no, I...I definitely want this, Eliott,” Lucas said as he shifted back upwards and scooted closer so he could reach up and cup Eliott’s face in his hand. “I just...there’s another thing, um, it’s just that I’m an Omega.” Lucas said and closed his eyes tightly waiting for Eliott to yell or lash out or something. Instead a hand came up and wrapped around Lucas’s neck, massaging his scent gland just slightly. Just enough to make Lucas melt into the touch and open his eyes again.

Eliott paused, “I’m not going to say that I’m not surprised, but I’m definitely not angry.”

“Really?” Lucas asked incredulously.

Eliott smiled and leaned his forehead against Lucas’s, “of course not! But, how come you don’t smell like an Omega?”

Lucas felt his throat run dry, “well, I, um, have a prescription for suppressants.”

“What.”

“Don’t be mad, okay?”

Lucas watched as Eliott turned away and tightened his jaw, just slightly, “I’m not...mad, because I don’t have a right to be. I mean it’s your body you can do whatever you want to it...but those can be dangerous, Lucas. I mean they can alter your whole reproductive system if taken too early.” Even if Eliott told him he wasn’t mad, there was still a shift in his scent. Something heading away from blissfulness and more towards annoyance.

“I know, that’s why I make sure it comes from a safe source, from a pharmacy. My dad signed off on the prescription.”

“Putain,” Eliott mumbled under his breath before turning back to Lucas, “but, wait, they are made for Omega’s who are already infertile and don’t need to have heats anymore. How do you handle...everything?”

Lucas swallowed before answering, “I trigger my heats by just not taking the suppressants for a couple days, and I make sure to have heats at most four times a year, as not to get too out of wack.”

“I get that you have it under control, and have a system in place, but maybe just check in with the doctor? Because you’re most likely still...fertile...but you don’t know what it could have done to your, uh, reproductive system.”

Lucas scoffed, “okay, Mr. Scientist.”

“Hey, c’mon, Lucas. I’m serious.”

Lucas sighed, “okay, yes, I will go talk to the doctor next friday.” He glanced over at Eliott who had a pout on his face, “what now?”

“Well, now I just hate suppressants because this whole time I’ve thought your just a scrawny Beta, but now I am just dying to be able to smell your natural scent.”

Lucas grinned and blushed at the comment, “fine, tomorrow morning I won’t take my suppressant right away so you can smell my scent. Happy?”

Eliott hummed as he leaned closer, “you’re spending the night?” Lucas simply flicked his eyebrows upward in response, which made him laugh, “what would make me even happier is if you didn’t take the suppressant at all.”

“Mm, I’ll do it for a price,” Lucas mumbled against Eliott’s lips.

“And what might that be?”

“I bet you’ll think of something,” Lucas trailed off as Eliott finally closed the miniscule distance between them for the third time that night.

Lucas determines that he will never get over kissing Eliott. Or the way he tilts his head in order to kiss Lucas just a little deeper, completely stealing all of Lucas’ breath away. Eliott slowly started leaning them back onto the couch and Lucas happily followed his lead. As soon as they were both lying down Eliott wasted no time in grinding down, eliciting a loud moan from Lucas. “Bed, bed,” Lucas gasped as he slung his hands around Eliott’s neck. His hands brushed against Eliott’s own scent gland, making the Alpha melt for just a second. Lucas would definitely have to pay that more attention, hopefully earlier than later.

“Put your legs around my waist,” Eliott whispered, as if any loud noise would break the moment.

Lucas did as he was told, and before he knew it Eliott was standing up, hands coming up to cup Lucas and keep him in place. Lucas couldn’t help but continue to nibble and kiss Eliott as he walked, making them stumble a couple times. Lucas smirked as his hand trailed back to the scent gland, massaging it just a little. He let out a fit of giggles when Eliott had to shove them against a wall to make sure they didn’t fall over as his knees gave out.

“Oh, you think that’s funny?”

Lucas nodded sporadically, “yeah.”

Eliott smiled as he leant in to give Lucas another kiss. It was all teeth and lips as they kissed, since they were just two idiots who couldn’t stop smiling. They finally it all the way to Eliott’s room, where the Alpha kicked open the door before laying Lucas down gently on the bed. Eliott turned back around to close the door, and when he looked back at the Omega, Lucas was pretty sure his heart stopped beating. Lucas knew he wasn’t ready to have sex with the Alpha, and he was pretty sure Eliott knew that. So when Eliott leaned back in, hands staying above the sweatshirt, Lucas remained calm.

“I never want you to take this off,” Eliott whispered as his lips transcended down to Lucas’s neck.

Lucas breathed a laugh, “I love smelling like you.”

He hadn’t expected that to pull a moan from Eliott, but couldn’t have been happier with the result, “well, I guess that settles it then, you are never allowed to leave my apartment. At least not until my scent is all over you.”

“I like the sound of that,” Lucas laughed as he pressed their foreheads together.

Eliott eased his hands into Lucas’s hair, supporting his head, before rolling them over onto their sides. Their legs naturally tangled together as their breathing steadied. Lucas leaned in and gave a peck onto the end of Eliott’s nose, causing smiles to erupt from both of them.

His eyes started to drift closed when Eliott began to slowly massage his scalp with one hand, the other one looped around his waist. The sunrise was just starting to peek over the Paris skyline, casting warm light over them. Lucas wasn’t even sure how long he had spent in the apartment, but couldn’t be any happier about it.

“Am I your first?” Eliott eventually asked.

Lucas paused, not really sure how to answer. He decided to send a glance at the Alpha, a glance which made Eliott laugh and lean in to steal a kiss. A few beats passed before Lucas asked “what about you?” Lucas could tell that Eliott wasn’t a virgin, not like Lucas. Eliott was way too good at everything he did, literally everything. The Alpha copied what Lucas had done moments before, sending him a look and flicking his eyebrows up. Lucas smirked, “ah, okay, I see.” That made Eliott chuckle and press a kiss to his cheek, sending Lucas back into a new realm of “high.”

“You should sleep, babe.” Eliott finally whispered.

Lucas hummed, “Lucas number 4623 can sleep, and actually go to school later today. I’m staying awake to keep kissing you.”

“Lucas number 4623?”

“Yeah, it’s my theory of parallel universes. Where every time I have to make a choice I know that some other Lucas has done it. So in all universes, I’ve done everything.” Eliott blinked at him, making Lucas chuckle, “what?”

“Nothing, I just don’t know if I believe it.”

Lucas hummed again, “well, you’re wrong. Because right now there is a really, really jacked Lucas surfing waves in Bali. Or a Lucas in New York signing a contract for millions. Or a Lucas who is in high school, meeting his Eliott right now.”

“Do you think every Lucas has an Eliott?”

The question made Lucas pause to think about it, “I think so. I think that...maybe it just takes some of them more time to meet than others. Like maybe there is a Lucas who hasn’t answered your message on Instagram, but maybe they went on to meet at a bus stop. Or maybe there are childhood friends Lucas and Eliott, who both grew up having feelings for each other but neither of them told the other. Or maybe there’s a Lucas who never took suppressants, and is able to make the first move on his Eliott.”

“You’ve convinced me,” Eliott said with a smile, “how many Lucas’s and Eliott’s are laying together right now?”

“Too many to count.”

Eliott leaned in for a final kiss before flopping back down. The tingling feeling of the kiss persisted as Lucas drifted off to sleep.

--------

When Lucas woke up, the space in the bed next to him was empty and cold. He jerked awake when he felt his phone buzz nonstop in his pocket. God, that was fucking annoying. Lucas pulled it out, skimming through the messages. It was mainly messages from Le Gang, asking him why he was MIA yesterday in their group chat regarding the party being held at Chloe’s house. Lucas groaned and fell back onto the bed at the mention of Chloe. He really should contact her and tell her it’s over, but he decided to leave that for tomorrow’s duties.

As he rolled out of bed he checked the time, 13:16. Lucas groaned again, his last period is running right now; well, guess he won’t be going to campus today.

When he lifted himself off the bed, and was walking towards the door, he noticed a yellow sticky note resting on the pillow. Lucas stared at it for a few seconds before shuffling over to it. He picked it up, first taking note of the little drawing of a hedgehog under the sheets before going down to read the message written on it in messy handwriting.

“You look beautiful when you sleep. Eliott number 45 is very lucky.”

Lucas smiled as he flipped to the next page, “your scent is driving me crazy” it read, “you smell like a dream. Bisous.”

Lucas gripped the note close to his heart before turning back towards the door, stumbling out into the hallway. His nose was immediately assaulted with the worst smell in the world. He physically had to grip his nose shut as he walked to the kitchen. He peeked around the corner to find Eliott frantically trying to waft out the smoke filling the room. Lucas laughed and walked forward, looping his arms around Eliott’s middle without him noticing.

The Alpha physically jumped in surprise before turning around to gaze at Lucas, melting into the touch, “morning.” Eliott mumbled as he leaned down and Lucas lifted up till their lips met in a fleeting kiss. “I, um, tried to make breakfast for you.”

Lucas laughed, “key word: tried.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not one for cooking. Though, my blueberry-bacon muffins are to die for.”

Lucas cringed, “I beg of you, refrain from baking them while we’re together.” Lucas said and slid his arms away before walking over to the fridge.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Eliott cock an eyebrow, “we are...‘together’?”

Shit. Lucas frantically turned back to Eliott, a deep blush creeping up on his face. “I mean, we don’t have to be, ya know? I mean, pfff, we spent a night together-er; not together, but as mutuals. We spent a mutual night in a bed, but that doesn’t mean that we-” before Lucas could sputter on any longer Eliott took the few strides separating them, cupped Lucas’s head in his hands, and crashed their lips together.

“I would want nothing more than to be together with you, Lucas.” Eliott spoke gently after their lips separated.

“Oh, thank God.” Lucas sighed and leaned into the touch, “me neither.”

Eliott smiled softly and pressed their foreheads together. The burnt breakfast long forgotten. “And, hey, don’t feel pressured to tell your friends about us, okay? Take it at your own pace. I’ll be here, ready and willing.”

“Thank you, Eliott.”

“Of course, baby. Now, uh, how about we go out to breakfast? I don’t think there’s any salvaging of whatever I tried to cook.”

Lucas laughed, “sure, babe.”

“Say it again,” Eliott prompted, pressing them even closer (if that was possible.)

Lucas hummed as he leaned upwards, “babe, we gotta get going.” He said it nearly mockingly, knowing exactly what was coming next.

Eliott’s lips were back on his, and just like that, Lucas was falling all over again.

--------

They didn’t make it out of the apartment until well after noon. They had a difficult time finding pants that would fit Lucas and not just hang off his hips like a tarp.  Of course, that wasn’t the only thing holding them back. Because everytime Lucas tried on a different piece of clothing of Eliott’s, Eliott would give him this look and, pfff, Lucas didn’t have any self control, so they would just end up kissing for the next few minutes.

They finally decided to just let Lucas wear what he had come in the day before, because god knows how long the brutal cycle of trying stuff on and making out could have gone on for.  Lucas couldn’t help but poke fun at the Alpha, who was obviously upset about Lucas wearing his own clothes no matter how much he denied it.

As they walked into the empty elevator, Eliott didn’t waste any time in wrapping his arms around Lucas’s shoulders from behind. He leaned in just enough until his nose was brushing against his scent gland. Lucas smiled and tilted his head to the side to give Eliott more room to roam. Eliott took the opportunity wholeheartedly, dragging his lips across the expanse of skin, relishing in Lucas’s moans.

“You smell so good, Lucas,” Eliott mumbled against Lucas’s scent gland.

Lucas bit his lip, praying that the elevator doors wouldn’t suddenly open, “if you keep this up we might have to go back upstairs.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say no to that,” Eliott said laughing.

Lucas scoffed and turned around, not wasting any time in bringing his hands around Eliott’s neck. “No, no, you need to at least take me to lunch first, mister. I deserve that much for putting up with you for over a whole day.”

Eliott laughed again, “you’re right. My apologies, babe.”

Lucas smiled as he pressed himself closer to Eliott’s chest, “I like that.”

“What?”

“You know what.” “Mm, no sorry I don’t think I do. Mind elaborating?” Eliott smirked.

Lucas pouted, he’s really going to make him say it, “the pet name, Eliott.”

“Oh! Babe?” Eliott asked incredulously, pretending to be clueless. Lucas nodded anyways, “oh, I see. Any other pet names? Honey bear, sweetums, sweetie pie, baby, honey…”

Lucas pressed his head into Eliott’s chest, a blush creeping onto his face, “if you keep going I think I might explode.” Lucas mumbled. He was a helpless romantic.

Eliott laughed, “well we can’t have that can we...babe.”

Lucas hit him on the chest playfully before separating them just enough to not look suspicious as the elevator doors opened. He could feel Eliott’s hesitation as if he was going to reach out to touch Lucas again. Lucas wasn’t sure if he was relieved or sad that Eliott kept his hands to himself. As they walked out of the building they began having a heated debate on whether or not it is normal to have a nap in the car. They only finished the conversation once they were at the restaurant, Lucas had won it by a long shot. Eliott had pouted about it, saying that he was still right. Lucas, however, said “well, hate to break it to you but now that you’re with me, you don’t get to win anymore!”

That made Eliott laugh as they walked to the last open table outside. It was such a beautiful day, and it seriously seemed like a dream. As they opened their menus Lucas wanted nothing more than to reach out at touch Eliott’s right hand that was left upwards and open on their table. A meer seven inches from his own. But something inside wouldn’t let him.

“What are you getting?” Eliott finally asks.

Lucas smiles up at his...partner. Should he call Eliott his boyfriend? They only talked about it for a minute this morning. They had agreed they were together, but Lucas isn’t entirely sure what ‘together’ meant for Eliott. Is he the type to be in a long-term relationship? All these worries flooded over Lucas, slowly sucking the smile off Lucas’s face.

Lucas barely registers the crease between Eliott’s eyebrows form before he’s reaching across the table and running a soothing thumb over Lucas’s palm. “Lulu, you okay?”

He snaps his eyes up to meet Eliott’s, “yeah, sorry. Got lost in thought.” Lucas clears his throat to look back at his menu, but Eliott’s concerned look doesn’t fade away, “I don’t know what I’ll get.” Lucas finally looks down at the prices and his eyes shoot open. “Holy shit this place is expensive! I can’t afford this, Eliott!”

Eliott laughs and leans back, pulling his hand away as well. “Don’t worry about that. Just get whatever you want.” He leans forward again, just long enough to whisper the next part, “I’ll do anything for my Omega.”

Lucas melts at the comment, he practically purrs, and he has to do everything in his power not to jump over the table to kiss Eliott that moment. Eliott cocks an eyebrow, purses his lips forward just a bit, daring Lucas to kiss him. Two can play at that game, Lucas thinks. He knows he has the best “kiss-me-right-now-or-I-might-die” look and he uses it to his full advantage. Lucas leans forward a bit, mirroring where Eliott had been just a second ago, gazes upwards, eyelids hooded, hands holding his face in position. He can pinpoint the exact moment Eliott’s pupils dilate and mouth parts open. Before Lucas knows it, a menu shields both of them from the street as Eliott leans in and presses a chaste kiss to Lucas’s lips. As Eliott moves away Lucas nearly follows, searching for more. But then the menu is moved and Lucas feels revealed all over again.

“Lucas?” a high-pitched voice asks somewhere behind him.

He sees Eliott staring at someone over his shoulder and he follows his gaze, “oh,” Lucas nearly whispers to himself, “hey, Chloe.”

Before he can even protest Chloe is placing her purse on the back of the chair beside Lucas and taking a seat, “I haven’t seen you since you abandoned me at that party.”

Lucas feels his mouth go dry, “yeah, I meant to talk to you about that…”

“No, it’s okay! I accept your apology,” she smiles as him and places a soft kiss on his lips. The lips Eliott had marked as his not even a minute ago. “Anyways,” she chirps, “what are we getting?”

While Chloe is looking at the menu, Lucas builds up the courage to look over at Eliott. He looks like he’s about ready to rip her limb from limb.

Well, this is going to be a blast.

[liskantope]

Back during my early days on Tumblr, around the time I started here actually, I started reading Questionable Content comics from the beginning, 10 per day, to catch up to the current ones (at the time the comics numbered just over 3000). The day I finished the first 1000 I blogged about it, and then after the 2000th and 3000th I reblogged to update my review. The final reblog, from December 15th, 2015, is here.

The 4000th QC comic came out on Friday, and I’ve decided that in keeping with tradition it’s time to write a review of the past 1000 (although I’m doing it in a fresh post and not reblogging because apparently back in 2015 I hadn’t discovered readmore links yet and the post would look annoyingly long). So let’s get right to it... under the readmore link which I now know is a thing.

This past thousand comics, more than the previous runs of 1000, happens to converge upon a few prominent themes and one very prominent new character: Bubbles. As Bubbles is introduced soon after comic #3000 and is then heavily developed through the next thousand comics, with many of the story arcs (including the longest one ever seen in QC) centering on her, I might call the period of this past thousand comics The Year of Bubbles or something like that if in fact it were only a year instead of almost four (The 200-Week-Period of Bubbles doesn’t roll off the keyboard quite as nicely).

More generally, this webcomic has taken the AI theme to a whole new level in the past thousand comics with Bubbles’ introduction and development only the most major component of this -- whereas the presence of AI was a very minor and almost awkward side-issue in the early days of QC, the comic has now gone full-on robot-themed. I’d estimate that something in the ballpark of one third of the content in the #3000′s was focused on robots’ interactions and relationships with each other -- I think for the first time one could say it passed the AI-rights analog of the Bechdel test. Some 1000 comics ago I remember being mildly impatient at how robot-themed the content was getting, perhaps out of a vague feeling that the human characters were the ones I identified with the most (perhaps in the QC universe, and possibly the real world before the end of my lifetime, this would be considered a semi-subconscious form of bigotry which I can’t call “human-ism” but would deserve some term). I particularly remember not being enthralled with Bubbles when she was first introduced and was slightly irritated that she was immediately taking center stage.

But Bubbles, as well as the story arcs involving AIs in general, grew on me a lot, not just as an allegory of real-life social justice issues but as stories which provoke ideas and questions that I find interesting in their own right. In the case of the comics involving Bubbles, I think they mainly show just how masterful the cartoonist Jeph Jacques’ writing and approach to character development has become. Every bit of dialog taking place between Bubbles and other characters (particularly Faye of course) is gold, often without a single word that could be changed. The sequence of scenes during the #3700′s through which Faye and Bubbles finally get together is the epitome of this and in my opinion the very best writing we’ve seen in QC.

The actual outcome of Faye and Bubbles winding up in a relationship with each other, along with all the constant hints and speculation and build-up leading up to it, now that I have much more mixed feelings about. It precisely puts its finger on one of the main ever-present aspects of the ethos of QC which I’ve complained about before more than once and wound up calling “sex-causality”. Part of me wishes I hadn’t spent as many words ranting about this issue and I’m still uncertain on exactly how I categorize it, as purely a personal distaste or something more objective that does happen in certain subcultures and is bad when pushed on members who are uncomfortable with it, or what. But I do think the slow development of Faye/Bubbles over the course of most of the past thousand comics deserves a brief discussion as an example. There are two prongs to this thing: the fact that Faye and Bubbles getting together was the outcome, and the intermittent banter of all of the other characters about that outcome through hundreds of comics in approaching it.

With regard to their getting together in a both romantic and sexual relationship, it would go against my principles to oppose something like this. That said, it’s a departure from what we knew about Faye (which, to QC’s credit, is openly acknowledged), I would imagine that in a universe with human-like still-made-of-metal AI such a thing would still be somewhat more unusual than it’s given credit for being in the comic. Then again, it’s almost impossible not to underestimate the variety and frequency of still-under-discussed sexualities that are out there (e.g. romantic love and sexual attraction towards metal objects is definitely a thing), and certainly it makes the story more interesting, which after all is part of the writer’s job. No, what I think bothers me here is what feels like an under-representation or under-recognition of profoundly intimate friendships that don’t at any point contain an element of one party wanting to sleep with the other -- does there have to be a sexual element to every relationship that’s deep? It was mainly for this reason, I guess, that once I saw a meaningful (platonic) relationship blossoming between Faye and Bubbles, and noticed how well it was written and how much good it was doing each of them, that I feel it was a really beautiful thing as it was and began actively rooting against the ship that most of the other characters were rooting for.

As for the speculation between the other characters, well, if you’ve been following QC and my posts on this issue like the one I linked to above (those of you who have even made it up to this point in this post!), then you might guess rightly that my main reaction was profound annoyance. I don’t like getting on my high horse about other mostly-inoffensive adults acting kind of immature because I’m trying to stay open to it possibly being a personal-taste thing and maybe mostly on my end, but, well, I thought a lot of the banter irritating in a way that perceived immaturity irritates me. These two comics epitomize what I find annoying, and the “You just... seem to care about her a lot, that’s all” line at the start of this one points to precisely my complaint about the existence of deep platonic friendships not being recognized. Anyway, by the time we got past the dinner conversation in the comics I just linked to, I was throwing up my hands and fully onboard with the Faye/Bubbles ship just to finally be done with all the excited speculative giggling. And as I said, when it finally did happen, the writing (including of the reactions of other characters) was fantastic.

To (finally) change the topic away from Bubbles, some of my emotional reaction to QC has shifted subtly while the last thousand comics were coming out. The period of publication from #3001 to #4000 happens to have spanned a segment of my life (which will hopefully be ending soon) in which I’ve felt quite lonely and isolated. And watching all the interactions going on in the QC world makes me feel... not nostalgic exactly because I was never really part of a social circle quite like Marten’s... but rather bittersweet because of how much I’d like to be in so many ways. QC presents a fictional environment that in the confines of my brain I often call a “social utopia” or, perhaps slightly less ridiculously, something like a “social circle / subcultural utopia”. It’s poor terminology because the QC universe on the whole isn’t a utopia in any sense of the word -- in fact there are plenty of social ills that form the backdrop of many storylines -- and even when confined to looking at how the particular social circle operates “utopia” doesn’t seem like an appropriate term. But the variety of people in the social group, the places, they meet, and the way they interact with each other all seems to click together and operate in what I would consider -- and I believe the artist Jeph Jacques would consider -- to be pretty close to idyllic. I like especially how much diversity there is among the characters, both in their backgrounds and interests as well as their quirks, and how completely at ease and accepting they are of each other in spite of or almost because of them. There’s this vibe of “We’re all a little weird but we share the same values about how to be decent human beings, so let’s all revel in our weirdness together and be there for each other through thick and thin!” (Of course there are some bad characters lying on the periphery and kinda-sorta-dicks like Sven who are mostly excluded from the group, but that’s not the core of the world.) With few exceptions, conflicts are resolved in a very systematic way and almost immediately (with only a couple of exceptions that did eventually end happily).

And as a matter of fact, even during times when I was fairly socially happy, I was never part of any group that was so exemplary in this particular way. But reading QC, which is hopefully at least somewhat drawn from the cartoonist’s own experiences, sort of gives me hope or at least a very concrete means of imagining such a crowd. And even if I did feel the need to gripe from time to time about what I call the “sex-casual” norms that permeate the group interactions, honestly in the grand scheme of things that’s just something I could live with or even enjoy if comes through in a non-pushy, non-conformist way, in order to be part of such a welcoming and healthy family.

[pbandjesse]

I feel really exhausted today. I dont feel as bad as I did but it has still been a little hard. I could not fall asleep or get comfortable last night and it was not fun at all. I was up until almost 2 and when I did sleep I had very active dreams and it wasnt even good sleep. Sucked. 

So when my alarm went off I told James I needed 5 more minutes. Which made it so I had to leave right away once I was washed and dressed. So it was a little bit of a stressful morning. 

But I got to work on time. And it was a nice enough day. We have 3 more kids registered but they are probably coming tomorrow. So it was just our small crew. But we were all kind of off today. Tired. 

Dasia came in late because her mom was flying back into town and her flight got delayed and it was a whole thing. The twins were there when I was and they were both tired. Caylee was in baby voice mode all day, and Caleb was just poking at his sister all day. But we did do some beading and that was fun. Hopefully well do more tomorrow. I probably could have been a better teacher but I was just really tired so we only did it for their first break. 

Once the other two girls got there we were all mostly just in class mode. I worked on sewing but I could barely focus on that. Today just sort of drug on. I did get some stuff done at least. And I read for a little while. 

We had lunch and me and the twins went outside for a while. It was very breezy today and it made me pretty cold. The first time we went out I remebered my jacket but the second time later in the day I forgot it inside and I was just so cold! My sweater was just to thin. I might put this one in storage. I have so many black sweaters so it wouldnt be the worst thing to put one away. 

Because everyone was so tired we pulled out the yoga mats and the kids all made nap areas. We used the big pieces of fabric in the closet as blankets and the bags of stuffing as pillows. It was very silly. But we had the lights off and for the most part they all focused on their work and it was all good. We were all sleepy though and I was shorter on patience for nonsense today. Like sneaking on youtube when youre actually in class. Like sure have a youtube video on while youre doing work, but not during the actual class. I know the class is stupid. I get it. But this is how this year is and yes I know the mask is annoying but we gotta wear them why have I had to ask 10 times in the last half hour. I might do a check mark system and if they get enough positive checks for masks Ill give them candy? Well see. I hate rewarding when its something they should just do, but this is a weird year. 

The second time we went outside we sung on the swings and on my silk for a while. But by the end of the hour we were all sort of whiny and tire. And so we went inside and cleaned up and I got ready to leave. 

I was very tired at this point. I checked in with Evers and gave him updates of the day. Told him the book requests from the kids. Turns out they are having someone from the library coming to bring books anyway so it was just a nice coincidence. 

I headed home. Took a different way home and it was nice. I stopped at burgerking and got a milkshake and when I got home I made the veggie popcorn chicken and it was alright. I might bake them longer next time to make them crispier but they were still nice. 

After I ate I decided I would sleep for a bit. Which ended up being almost 2 hours. I woke up very dehydrated and very confused because the sun had gone down. I changed into my new sweatshirt and got something to drink and I felt a little better. I checked on our animal crossing island and you can catch leaves right now! That was exciting but I was bad at it and got frustrated. 

I did some and work in my studio for a bit. I have two commissioned big frogs this week and so I sent them some fabric ideas. I also stuffed and finished a few other friends. I have to go through my frog box again though because I think I may have missed a bunch when I photographed before so I think Im gong to retake all the ones I still have? Well see. No sales today but James did get the two from friday sent out today. The printer issue seems to be a known thing so he found a work around and printed the labels in blue. He's so smart. 

I did the dishes and now I am just laying in the studio. I think I am going to go take a shower and get in bed. I am really hoping I can get easier sleep tonight. Dasia isnt going to be in tomorrow, so I will be alone with the kids. Which is fine, she is mostly just another set of eyes in the room. I wonder if the three new kids will be nice? I hope so. 

I also hope you all have a good night. Please keep washing your hands. And try to stay in. I know our government hasnt made it easy for us and hasnt set a good example. But we got to do our best. 

Sleep well you guys.

[techcrunchappcom]

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Positive coronavirus samples being sequenced at Duke University in Durham, N.C., this month to determine which variants are circulating in the community.Credit…Pete Kiehart for The New York Times

Vaccinations are picking up pace. The spread of the coronavirus in the United States has slowed drastically. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is urging K-12 schools to reopen safely and as soon as possible.

But just as states are again lifting mask-wearing mandates and loosening restrictions, experts fear that more contagious variants could undo all that progress.

That threat seems only to grow as researchers learn more. British government scientists now believe the more contagious variant that is ravaging Britain is also “likely” to be deadlier than earlier versions of the virus, according to a document posted on a government website on Friday. An earlier assessment on a smaller scale warned last month that there was a “realistic possibility” the variant was more lethal.

The variant, also known as B.1.1.7, is spreading rapidly in the United States, doubling roughly every 10 days, another recent study found.

In line with an earlier warning from the C.D.C., the study predicted that by March the variant could become the dominant source of coronavirus infection in the United States, potentially bringing a surge of new cases and increased risk of death.

Vaccine distribution is accelerating — the U.S. is now averaging about 1.66 million doses a day, well above the Biden administration’s target of 1.5 million — but B.1.1.7 has a worrisome mutation that could make it harder to control with vaccines, a Public Health England study found this month.

The variant has spread to at least 82 countries, and is being transmitted 35 percent to 45 percent more easily than other variants in the United States, scientists recently estimated. Most people who catch the virus in Britain these days are being infected by that variant.

The British research on B.1.1.7’s lethality did come with caveats, and the reasons for the variant’s apparently elevated death rate are not entirely clear. Some evidence suggests that people infected with the variant may have higher viral loads, a feature that could not only make the virus more contagious but also potentially undermine the effectiveness of certain treatments.

But government scientists were relying on studies that examined a small proportion of overall deaths. They also struggled to account for the presence of underlying illnesses in people infected with the new variant, and for whether the cases originated in nursing homes.

Bill Hanage, an epidemiologist at Harvard University, said that although “we do need to have a degree of caution” in looking at the findings, “it’s perfectly reasonable to think that this is something serious — I am certainly taking it seriously.”

“It’s pretty clear we have something which is both more transmissible and is more worrying if people become infected,” he said.

Angela Rasmussen, a virologist at Georgetown University, said relaxing restrictions now would be “courting disaster.” She urged Americans to “be extra vigilant” about mask wearing, distancing and avoiding enclosed spaces.

“You don’t want to get any variant,” Dr. Rasmussen said, “but you really don’t want to get B.1.1.7.”

The United States confirmed its first case of the B.1.1.7 variant on Dec. 29. Unlike Britain, it has been conducting little of the genomic sequencing necessary to track the spread of new variants that have caused concern, though the Biden administration has vowed to do more.

On Friday, for the fifth time in six days, the number of new virus cases reported in the United States dipped below 100,000 — far less than the country’s peak of more than 300,000 reported on Jan. 8.

As the number of virus cases and hospitalizations has fallen, the Republican governors of Montana, Iowa, North Dakota and Mississippi have recently ended statewide mask-wearing mandates. In New York, Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, a Democrat, has allowed indoor dining to resume at 25 percent capacity, though experts have repeatedly warned that maskless activities, such as eating, in enclosed spaces are high-risk.

Although virus case numbers are moving in the right direction, the loosening of restrictions has unnerved experts like Saskia Popescu, an epidemiologist at George Mason University in Virginia.

“Now more than ever, with novel variants, we need to be strategic with these reopening efforts and be slow and not rush things,” she said.

United States › United StatesOn Feb. 13 14-day change New cases 84,717 –37% New deaths 3,373* –16%

*Includes many deaths from unspecified days

World › WorldOn Feb. 13 14-day change New cases 344,554 –28% New deaths 10,713 –16%

U.S. vaccinations ›

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Lebanon Begins Coronavirus Vaccinations

Lebanon started a nationwide drive to inoculate its citizens against Covid-19 on Sunday, after the country received its first round of 28,500 doses of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine.

“It’s a very important day for us, we’ve been waiting for it, this pandemic took a great toll. We’ve had a lot of cases, a lot of fatalities in Lebanon. So we’re really looking forward to the vaccine to hopefully see some light at the end of the tunnel.” Privileged. Excited. Happy that this is happening, that it is happening to Lebanon. A good thing for once. It’s working. And I look forward to everybody being able to get the chance to get it too.”

Lebanon started a nationwide drive to inoculate its citizens against Covid-19 on Sunday, after the country received its first round of 28,500 doses of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine.CreditCredit…Bilal Hussein/Associated Press

BEIRUT, Lebanon — Lebanon began vaccinating its citizens against Covid-19 on Sunday, offering a rare glimmer of hope in a country suffering badly from several overlapping crises, just one of which is the pandemic.

The first shot was administered to the director of the intensive care unit at the lead government hospital fighting the pandemic. The second was given to a famous 93-year-old comedian.

The vaccination drive began after Lebanon received its first batch of 28,500 doses of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine. Using $34 million in financing from the World Bank, Lebanon is buying enough doses to vaccinate about two million people, roughly one-third of its population. Millions more doses are expected to arrive in the spring and summer through a United Nations program and commercial sources.

Lebanon’s worst coronavirus surge peaked in mid-January, when the country was averaging more than 4,800 newly reported cases a day, according to a New York Times database; the average has since fallen somewhat, to about 2,700 a day. Some 337,000 people in Lebanon — almost 5 percent of the population — are now known to have had the virus, and more than 3,900 have died.

To try to drive the numbers down, the government imposed a very strict lockdown in mid-January, with a 24-hour curfew and widespread shop closures. It eased the restrictions slightly last week, but the curfew largely remains in effect.

The suffering caused by the pandemic has been compounded by a political crisis that has left Lebanon without an effective government for six months, and a financial crisis that has drastically weakened the local currency, making imported medicines, food and other products more expensive.

A huge explosion in the port of Beirut last August also made matters worse, heavily damaging four hospitals, killing 200 people and leaving thousands more wounded.

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Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern of New Zealand announced on Sunday that Auckland would go into a three-day lockdown due to three unexplained positive coronavirus test results in a single family.CreditCredit…Gilles Martin-Raget/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images

AUCKLAND, New Zealand — Faced with the creeping threat of more infectious coronavirus variants, Australia and New Zealand have responded to a small number of cases with near-immediate regional lockdowns.

On Sunday night, as couples celebrating Valentine’s Day strolled arm-in-arm through central Auckland, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern of New Zealand announced that the city would begin a three-day lockdown at midnight because of three unexplained positive test results in a single family. The rest of New Zealand would be subject to increased physical distancing requirements over the same period, she said.

New Zealand has had almost no virus-related restrictions since the fall, when it successfully eliminated the virus for a second time. Overall, the country has reported 2,330 coronavirus cases and 25 deaths, far fewer in proportion to its population than most other developed nations.

The Australian state of Victoria has also been placed in a short-term lockdown in response to a small outbreak, which began at a quarantine hotel and has grown to 16 cases. During the lockdown, which began at 11:59 p.m. Friday and is intended to last five days, most of Victoria’s six million people are not allowed to leave home except for limited periods of outdoor exercise or shopping. Professional tennis players who are in Melbourne, the state capital, for the Australian Open are considered “essential workers” and have been allowed to continue playing their matches, albeit without fans in attendance.

Like New Zealand, Australia has had relatively few infections and deaths, and acts aggressively at the first sign of new outbreaks. Similar snap lockdowns in the Australian cities of Perth and Brisbane were successful recently at quashing transmission.

Announcing the Auckland lockdown on Sunday, Ms. Ardern said, “Our view is, you’ll have less regret if you move early and hard than if you leave it and it gets out of control.”

Residents of Good Shepherd nursing home in Wheeling, W.Va., participating in a penny auction last Monday. Credit…Amr Alfiky/The New York Times

WHEELING, W.Va. — After nearly a year in lockdown for the residents of Good Shepherd Nursing Home — eating meals in their rooms, playing bingo through their television sets and isolating themselves almost entirely from the outside world — their coronavirus vaccinations were finished and the hallways were slowly beginning to reawaken.

In a first, tentative glimpse at what the other side of the pandemic might look like, Betty Lou Leech, 97, arrived to the dining room early, a mask on her face, her hair freshly curled.

“I’m too excited to eat,” she said, sitting at her favorite table once again.

It has been a tragic year for nursing homes in America. More than 163,000 residents and employees of long-term care facilities have died from the coronavirus, about one-third of all virus deaths in the United States. Infections have swept through some 31,000 facilities, and nearly all have had to shut down in some way.

For more than a million residents of nursing homes, the lockdowns themselves have been devastating. Cut off from family and largely confined to their rooms, many residents lost weight and saw ailments worsen. Some grew increasingly confused. Others sank into depression and despair.

West Virginia has emerged as one of the first states to finish giving two doses of vaccines to the thousands of people inside its nursing homes, so Good Shepherd, a 192-bed Catholic home in Wheeling, was among the first facilities in the country to begin tiptoeing back toward normalcy last week.

Good Shepherd locked down in March, even before the virus was found in West Virginia. Residents went without visits with loved ones, outings to the movies, even fresh air. Twice, the nursing home tried loosening restrictions, only to lock down again.

An outbreak in November claimed the lives of five residents.Fifteen others got sick during the outbreak, including Ms. Leech. After recovering in the nursing home’s Covid-19 ward, she was feeling better, she said, and eager to return to some version of normal life.

But even with the vaccinations completed, everything has not gone back to normal. Residents are allowed to socialize together again, but they are also asked to continue wearing masks. They sit several feet apart. And most relatives and friends still cannot come to visit.

The continuing precautions offer insights into the complications of reopening, far beyond nursing homes. About 20 percent of people at Good Shepherd — mostly staff members and a few residents — declined to be vaccinated, reflecting a hesitance that has emerged across the country. Cases in the surrounding county remain high. More research is needed to understand whether vaccinated people might still be able to transmit the virus.

People getting vaccinated this month at Castle Hill Community Center in New York. About 10 percent of people in the state have received their first dose.Credit…James Estrin/The New York Times

New Yorkers with chronic health conditions that made them newly eligible for the Covid-19 vaccine flooded a state website and call center Sunday morning, leaving many unable to immediately schedule appointments at mass vaccination centers.

State officials said on Sunday that 73,000 appointments had been scheduled as of 11:30 a.m., while 500,000 people went through an online eligibility screening tool needed to make appointments. Thousands were in virtual waiting rooms that can hold up to 8,000 people per vaccination site. Once those waiting rooms are full, people attempting to schedule appointments are told to try again later.

Richard Azzopardi, a senior adviser to Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, said demand was high, but “our infrastructure has remained up and intact.” He said that the state’s ability to make appointments depended on the vaccine supply, which is steadily increasing.

Officials said the new criteria, which include chronic health conditions like obesity and hypertension, made four million more New Yorkers eligible for the Covid-19 vaccine. They join a growing number of people in the state who are eligible for the vaccine despite a shortage in supply.

Those who are now eligible include adults who have certain health conditions that may increase their risk of severe illness or death from the coronavirus. Aside from obesity and hypertension, other conditions that would qualify New Yorkers for the vaccine include pulmonary diseases and cancer, Mr. Cuomo announced this month. He also made pregnancy a qualifying condition.

Appointments for people who are in this group can be scheduled for as early as Monday, though most people will probably face a long wait because vaccine doses are scarce now. New Yorkers must provide proof of their condition with a doctor’s note, signed certification or medical documentation, Mr. Cuomo said.

“While this is a great step forward in ensuring the most vulnerable among us have access to this lifesaving vaccine, it’s no secret that any time you’re dealing with a resource this scarce, there are going to be attempts to commit fraud and game the systems,” Mr. Cuomo said in a statement.

In New York State, about 10 percent of the population has received its first dose, according to data gathered by The New York Times. With the new criteria, about 11 million people are now eligible in the state, including people ages 65 and older, health care workers and teachers.

New York City recently opened mass vaccination sites at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx and Citi Field in Queens to better reach communities hit hard by the virus. The state and federal government also announced last week that the Federal Emergency Management Agency would open vaccination sites at Medgar Evers College in Brooklyn and York College in Queens.

To check on eligibility and schedule an appointment, New Yorkers can complete a prescreening on the state’s website. They can also call the state’s vaccination hotline at 1-833-NYS-4VAX (1-833-697-4829) for more information about vaccine appointments.

Tevon James, 5, getting his temperature checked in December before heading into his kindergarten class at P.S. 316 Elijah G. Stroud Elementary School in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn, N.Y.Credit…Anna Watts for The New York Times

For Julie Zuckerman, an elementary school principal in Manhattan, the summer felt like one never-ending day filled with fear and confusion about New York City’s plan to resume in-person teaching. But in the months since classrooms opened in September, something has shifted.

Teachers at the school, Public School 513 in Washington Heights, appear more at ease, and some say they would like to be in their classrooms even when the building closes because of coronavirus cases. Parents, too, seem more confident: About half of the students are in the building most days, up from less than one-third in September.

Ms. Zuckerman expects that even more children will return this spring.

“People have made their peace; they’re not in crisis in the same way,” she said. “I feel there’s a huge night-and-day difference between what was going on last spring and what’s happened this year.”

New York’s push to reopen classrooms in the fall — it was the first big school district in the country to do so — was a risky, high-stakes experiment. The city has had its share of miscommunication, logistical stumbles and disruptions — especially when classrooms and school buildings have closed frequently because of virus cases.

The city requires a school to shutter for up to 10 days if two unrelated positive cases are confirmed there. Individual classrooms close when one or more positive cases are detected.

The number of closures has risen considerably over the past few weeks, as test positivity rates across the city have remained high and weekly in-school testing has increased. New Yorkers have struggled to cope with the frequent interruptions to learning — and to parents’ schedules.

Even so, parents, teachers, principals and union leaders are finding reasons for optimism at the midpoint of the academic year. In-school virus transmission has been very low, and there is broad agreement that children have benefited from being in classrooms.

“Having the kids here is so much better for them, for everyone,” Ms. Zuckerman said.

The strength of the plan will be tested again when about 62,000 middle school students return to classrooms for the first time since November.

New York offers a preview of what other big city districts in the U.S — most prominently Chicago, where more schools are set to open next month — can expect as they inch closer to reopening classrooms after almost a year of remote learning.

Philaé Lachaux at her mother’s home in Viroflay, France.Credit…Dmitry Kostyukov for The New York Times

Philaé Lachaux, a 22-year-old business student in France, dreamed of striking out on her own in the live music industry. But the pandemic led to the loss of her part-time job as a waitress, and sent her back to live at her family home.

Now, struggling to envision a future after months of restrictions, Ms. Lachaux says that loneliness and despair seep in at night. “I look at the ceiling, I feel a lump in my throat,” she said. “I’ve never had so many suicidal thoughts.”

With curfews, closures and lockdowns in Europe set to drag into the spring or even the summer, mental health professionals are growing increasingly alarmed about the deteriorating mental state of young people.

Last in line for vaccines and with schools and universities shuttered, young adults have borne many of the sacrifices made largely to protect older people, who are more at risk from severe infections.

Across the world, the young have lost economic opportunities, missed traditional milestones and forfeited relationships at a pivotal time for forming identity.

“Many feel they’re paying the price not of the pandemic, but of the measures taken against the pandemic,” said Dr. Nicolas Franck, the head of a psychiatric network in Lyon, France. In a survey of 30,000 people that he conducted last spring, young people ranked the lowest in psychological well-being, he said.

In Italy and in the Netherlands, some youth psychiatric wards have filled to record capacity. In France, professionals have urged the authorities to consider reopening schools to fight loneliness. And in Britain, some therapists said that they had counseled patients to break lockdown guidelines to cope.

In the United States, a quarter of 18- to 24-year-olds said they had seriously considered suicide, one report said. In Latin America and the Caribbean, a survey conducted by UNICEF of 8,000 young people found that more than a quarter had experienced anxiety and 15 percent depression.

“We are in the midst of a mental health pandemic, and I don’t think it’s treated with near enough respect,” said Arkadius Kyllendahl, a psychotherapist in London who has seen the number of younger clients double in recent months.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, the following organizations can help.

In Britain, call Papyrus at +44 800 068 4141 (9am to midnight), or message Young Minds: text YM to 85258. You can also find a list of additional resources on Mind.org.

In France, call SOS Amitié at +33 9 72 39 40 50 (24/7) or Fil Santé Jeunes at +33 800 235 236 (9am to 11pm). Ameli has a list of additional resources.

In Italy, call Telefono Amico at +39 2 2327 2327 (10 am to midnight) or Telefono Azzurro at +39 19696 (a webchat is also available).

A plane carrying doses of the Pfizer coronavirus vaccine from Belgium arrived at Narita airport, near Tokyo, on Friday.Credit…Kyodo, via Reuters

TOKYO — Japan issued its first approval for a vaccine against the coronavirus on Sunday, saying that it would use the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine to begin inoculating frontline health care workers this week.

Japan has been slower than the United States and Europe to authorize any coronavirus vaccines, but it has also had the luxury of time. Public health measures have successfully kept infection rates low, and the country of 126 million people has recorded fewer than 7,000 deaths since the pandemic began.

Nevertheless, the start of vaccinations is an important development for Japan. As the number of daily new infections reached a peak of nearly 8,000 in early January, the country declared a state of emergency in Tokyo and other regions that has been extended until March 7 in part because of the appearance of new, more infectious coronavirus variants.

The number of daily new infections has declined drastically since then, with the seven-day average under 2,000, according to a New York Times database.

Officials plan to first vaccinate a select group of health care workers who will then administer the shots to other medical professionals.

The vaccine will be rolled out to the elderly and high-risk populations by late spring, according to plans published by the health ministry. But Japan is unlikely to have its entire population vaccinated before it hosts the Olympic Games this summer, and it has said athletes and other attendees will not be required to be vaccinated beforehand.

Matthew Burris, 9, watches his mother, Erica Jackson get her finger pricked for a COVID-19 antibody test during Shared Harvest Foundation and myCovidMD’s free testing in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. at Southside Church of Christ in Los Angeles last month.Credit…Sarah Reingewirtz/The Orange County Register, via Associated Press

Two officials at the Food and Drug Administration said on Saturday that they had erred by allowing manufacturers to sell Covid-19 antibody tests that had not been proved accurate, flooding the United States with unreliable blood tests early in the pandemic.

The officials, Dr. Jeffrey Shuren and Dr. Timothy Stenzel, said in an essay published in The New England Journal of Medicine that the F.D.A.’s guidance on March 16, 2020, which allowed companies to sell tests without emergency use authorization, “was flawed.”

Within two weeks of that guidance, 37 manufacturers told the F.D.A. that they were introducing the tests in the United States, a number that swelled to 164 by the end of April, the officials said. Many of those tests turned out to be inaccurate, and by May the F.D.A. demanded that companies submit data that proved that their tests were reliable or they could be banned.

As of this month, the officials said, the F.D.A. had issued 15 warning letters regarding the tests, removed references to 225 tests from its website and issued “import alerts” regarding 88 companies, meaning their imported tests will receive additional scrutiny — and could be blocked — at the border.

“Our experience with serology tests underscores the importance of authorizing medical products independently, on the basis of sound science, and not permitting market entry of tests without authorization,” they wrote in the essay, referring to the blood tests. “Knowing what we know now, we would not have permitted serology tests to be marketed without F.D.A. review and authorization, even within the limits we initially imposed.”

Soon after the tests first appeared in the United States, scientists discovered that many were flawed, even as some government officials and employers were saying the tests could be crucial to easing restrictions imposed during the pandemic. One review, which was not peer-reviewed, found that of 14 tests on the market, only three gave consistently reliable results.

Many others gave false positive results, signaling that someone had already been infected with the coronavirus and had a heightened level of protection when that was not the case. Even some of the most effective tests did not detect antibodies in 10 percent of people who actually had them.

The F.D.A.’s website lists the antibody tests that have been given emergency authorization and provides information about the effectiveness of those tests.

In the essay, Dr. Shuren and Dr. Stenzel acknowledged that, although the F.D.A. had been operating with “limited and evolving information” and that other factors led to the prevalence of the faulty tests, the March 16 policy was what had “allowed it to happen.”

Those We’ve Lost

Dr. David Katzenstein was a virologist and researcher at Stanford who focused on AIDS, especially in southern Africa.Credit…TeachAids

This obituary is part of a series about people who have died in the coronavirus pandemic. Read about others here.

Dr. David Katzenstein may have been a dreamer, “with sometimes brilliant and sometimes slightly off-the-wall ideas,” one colleague said recently. But from the beginning, in a biosphere spawning new undetected and unconstrained killers, he was no ivory-tower researcher regarding the world through a microscope.

After medical school, he interned at the University of New Mexico, where his work with Indigenous peoples developed into an abiding commitment to help underserved populations prevent and deal with infectious diseases.

For 35 years, as a virologist and clinician, he not only helped advance the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of H.I.V. and AIDS; he also made those techniques available to middle- and low-income patients in sub-Saharan Africa.

Dr. Katzenstein, who was professor emeritus of infectious diseases and global health at Stanford Medicine in California, died on Jan. 25 in Harare, Zimbabwe. He was 69. The cause was Covid-19, his stepdaughter, Melissa Sanders-Self, said.

“Imbued with a passionate belief in social justice, David Katzenstein had an outsized impact on the fight against H.I.V. in sub-Saharan Africa,” Dr. Lloyd Minor, dean of the Stanford University medical school, said in a statement.

While at the University of California, the International Antiviral Society-USA said, Dr. Katzenstein established a relationship with the medical microbiology department at the University of Zimbabwe’s medical school and became “one of the first U.S.-based H.I.V. researchers to commit to working in this region of the world.”

In 1989, he joined the Stanford faculty as a clinical assistant professor of infectious diseases and was named the associate medical director of Stanford’s AIDS Clinical Trial Unit, which conducted research, including clinical trials, into antiretroviral drugs that extended the lives of people with H.I.V.

He focused on the challenges posed by resistance to antiviral H.I.V. drugs and was among the first researchers to publicize the problem in Africa.

In Zimbabwe, he directed the Biomedical Research and Training Institute in Harare, where he trained clinical researchers and introduced modern diagnostic and monitoring techniques to community health programs.

Genomic sequencing can detect and track virus variants, but the United States is sequencing relatively few coronavirus test samples. Lab technicians at Duke University prepared samples for sequencing earlier this month.Credit…Pete Kiehart for The New York Times

As Americans anxiously watch the spread of coronavirus variants that were first identified in Britain and South Africa, scientists are finding a number of new variants that seem to have originated in the United States — and many of them may pose the same kind of extra-contagious threat.

In a study posted on Sunday, a team of researchers reported seven growing lineages of the coronavirus, spotted in states across the country. All of them have evolved a mutation in the same genetic letter.

“There’s clearly something going on with this mutation,” said Jeremy Kamil, a virologist at Louisiana State University Health Sciences Center and a co-author of the new study.

It’s not clear yet whether this shared mutation makes the variants more contagious, but because it appears in a gene that influences how the virus enters human cells, the scientists are highly suspicious.

“I think there’s a clear signature of an evolutionary benefit,” Dr. Kamil said.

It’s not unusual for different genetic lineages to independently evolve in the same direction. Charles Darwin recognized convergent evolution in animals. Virologists have found that it happens with viruses, too. As the coronavirus branches into new variants, researchers are observing Darwin’s theory of evolution in action every day.

It’s difficult to answer even basic questions about how prevalent the new variants are in the United States because the country sequences genomes from less than 1 percent of coronavirus test samples. The researchers found examples scattered across much of the country, but they can’t tell where they first arose.

It’s also hard to say whether the variants are spreading now because they are more contagious, or for some other reason, like holiday travel or superspreader events.

Scientists say the mutation could plausibly affect how easily the virus gets into human cells. But Jason McLellan, a structural biologist at the University of Texas at Austin who was not involved in the study, cautioned that the way that the coronavirus unleashes its harpoons was still fairly mysterious.

“It’s tough to know what these substitutions are doing,” he said of the mutations. “It really needs to be followed up with some additional experimental data.”