#i think recently i got attached to the idea of this blog as like a Personal Blog but like girl no this is 80% tv shows anyway

[phannibal]

so do i make a 911 blog orrrrr

[somewhere-at-the-burrow]

𝒫𝐿𝒜𝒞𝐸𝒮 𝐼'𝒱𝐸 𝒮𝐻𝐼𝐹𝒯𝐸𝒟

I know that my blog solely focuses on my Weasley reality, but I realized that I never introduced the other main places that I have shifted to !

I thought this might be fun, as I have been shifting to other places since 2020 before I focused on Hogwarts a couple months ago. maybe one day I can create separate blogs for these realities, if anyone would like to hear about them !

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐄 my first DR / 2020

the Glade was actually the first place I shifted to, and I later ended up going to a slightly different version of my original DR (without any trauma bc wow! that was crazy!)

I stayed in my first version for around five months, and in my newer maze runner reality for around 2 months

I am still so obsessed with this reality, but I haven't shifted there in a couple of weeks and I miss it so much!! the community of maze runner shifters is so small but I love us ‼️

in these realities, I am a trackhoe / medjack and now that I have removed any traumatic situations we just stay in the Glade and work and it is so chaotic

clint and jeff >>>

the last time I shifted I remember gardening with Newt and we threw rotten cherry tomatoes at each other and Zart got mad I LOVE THEM

if ANYONE is shifting to the maze runner, please reach out IT IS SO COOL THERE and I could talk about it for hours :,)

𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 & 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄

I have two OUAT desired realities as well, and they both center around Neverland because I am sadly a peter pan girl at heart guys 😔

my first reality there was solely neverland, and I was 15 and thought it would be a good idea to wing it and see what would happen?? i stayed for about a year total before I took a break from that place!

I recently began shifting back this year, and I changed it so I started out in storybrooke after the curse and THEN moved to Neverland

this is so niche but i LOVE ouat so much and the comfort I got from that death island (neverland) is kind of embarrassing, but just know I scripted a lot of changes and it is very non-canon!

i swear no ouat shifters exist, and it was my second DR ever so I am unreasonably obsessed with it and have no one to talk to 😭

ooc peter pan was the first person I ever had feelings for in another reality when I began shifting, I LOVE THAT STUPID MF i will always have a soft spot for my DR peter :,)

i've shifted to other places, but i've only stayed a couple days in those so I didn't make a whole thing for them!

when I shift, I get so attached to the reality and I have such a small number of places I've actually shifted to. I usually just stick with my "main realities" and they are so random but I LOVE THEM SM

i'm thinking on making another main DR though?? maybe star wars??

anyway ! I'll be answering more asks soon, so thank you all for sending them in!!

[vendetta-ari]

Helooooo! I saw that you started a Hazbin Hotel blog and I wanted to make a requesttt! Also I hope you’re having a good day!! ♡

Ok ok ok so what is Vox finds out that his assistant (aka the reader preferably f!) was a famous dancer in her past life so to get more viewers he constantly creates advertisements for her performances (once she finally agrees to perform again) And one day he finally could make it to one of her shows he just becomes absolutely head over heels for the reader and it’s all lovey dovey and tooth achingly sweettt

If you could do this that would be great!

Hiii! omfg, I loved this Idea so much!! I tweaked the idea a bit, I hope that's okay with you? I hope you enjoy though hun <3

You were sitting bored at home, all alone with nothing to do. Vox was in some meeting with Camilla so you couldn't annoy him this time, to your dismay. Scrolling through your phone on Voxtagram you saw a few people dancing, you scoffed “I could do so much better..” you thought to yourself.  and you did! Back when you were alive you used to be a flamenco dancer with a beautiful red flowy dress and your hair slicked back into a ponytail. Ah the good old days right? but.. I guess they didn't have to be just memories, right? You had talent! you should take it up again! I mean, you had nothing better to do! You grabbed a Voxtek speaker and connected it to your phone playing “Rosa Maria '' by Paco de Lucía. You stretched a bit and started dancing to the rhythm, getting lost in the beats your hair swung back on fourth, the music was loud enough for all your neighbors to hear, but you could honestly care less. Dancing again, god It gave you such a rush.. despite being in hell, you'd never felt more alive.

The next morning you had rushed to work, an assistant for Voxtek had you waking up early, but everything else about that job was great! you got to see the almighty Vee's everyday! despite Valentino's tantrums you had to take care of a few times, and velvette's constant teasing, you had grown attached to them. Especially Vox, your boyfriend. The day was pretty easy, you had finished the majority of your paperwork in the first few hours of your shift. Honestly, you deserve a break. So you gave yourself one, but you craved the freedom you felt while dancing, so you put on some headphones and blasted some flamenco dancing music, once again dancing to the rhythm, feeling a sense of freedom like never before. Unbeknownst to you though, Vox was standing right behind you holding a cup of coffee with his jaw wide open. He was in awe of your beauty taking in every minute of it. Unfortunately for him, you noticed quickly and quickly jumped back, the headphones falling off of your head and landing on the ground. In complete embarrassment, you stood still staring at Vox, he smiled. “I never knew you could dance darling. why didn't you tell me?”. You tried shaking off the embarrassment, but you're sure he could tell by your expressions. “I dunno why I never told you. it never came up I guess? I used to be a flamenco dancer when I was alive, and I recently just started dancing again”. Vox walked up and brushed the hair out of my face with his slender and sharp fingers. He smirked, “Y'know doll, you've really got a talent for this” He placed his hands on your hips, pulling you closer to him while grinning. You smiled at his affections pulling him in for a hug you buried your head into his shoulders and neck. “Talent like this…” Vox continued, running his hands down your hair “It can't be wasted.. Oh! Here's an idea! you could do advertisements for Voxtek while you dance!” You almost choked in air at the mention of this idea, I mean, you making advertisements dancing? that's insane.. you just started practicing again- it's nothing more than a hobby..although you did dance in your past life, I guess it wouldn't be a stretch? After thinking about it for what seemed like an eternity to Vox, you agreed to it.

A few weeks went by with your new job, Vox seemed so proud and happy with you. as a treat, he took you out on a date. He wanted this date to be different though, usually he would call up a limousine and take you to a fancy restaurant. but you deserved something more heartfelt, so he took you on a walk around town and after you two would both have a nice home cooked meal made by him. it was perfect, but on your walk you certainly got noticed because of your new advertising job a lot, catcalled and flirted with. It's a miracle Vox didn't rip their heads off when they said those things. needless to say Vox didn't let you advertise for Voxtek again. The poor jealous man hated the stares you were getting, he was close to causing another blackout. He did blow a few fuses and gave you back your old assistant job and he wouldn't let you leave his sight. The advertising was fun while it lasted through, it felt freeing, like being a human again. don't worry though you'll convince him to give you back your freeing job, y'know he really can't say no to you. hey, maybe If you're lucky if you'll teach him how to dance! 

I hope you enjoyed the story anon! I tried my best LMAO

(Not revised, word count is 805)

-xoxo, Ari

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

Upcoming Rule Changes

I have come to a decision and I fear some people may dislike it, especially given some of the messages I've received on the topic. However, I do think this is the best option for me moving forward. I already have many anxieties and stresses in regards to this blog and so I must do what I can to alleviate them as much as possible.

Recently, there have been several instances of people accidentally not check-marking to make their submission anonymous when they intended to. This has resulted in me receiving messages from stressed out people asking me to remove their submission. This in turn, causes me stress and anxiety because I don't want to cause people distress.

Because of that, I have begun to rethink my policy of allowing submissions that aren't anonymous.

The thing is, this blog was made as a safe space for people to anonymously voice their monster-related thoughts. The name of this blog is "Monsterfucker Confessions," after all. It was intended as a place for people to confess things that they didn't want to post on their own blogs.

Therefore, I think it makes much more sense for this blog to be purely anonymous.

If there is something you actually want your name associated with, it would be better to post to your own blog rather than submit here. This is a space for those that don't want their names associated with what they say.

Several people have sent messages on this topic saying that people may want their names associated with their submissions so that they get credit for writing it or so that it drives traffic to their blog. This sat wrong with me because it feels completely against the reasons I made this blog to begin with.

While I do allow for short stories and the like within submissions, this ultimately is a confessions blog, not a creative writing blog. I shall continue to allow creative works to be submitted because I know there are many creative people that wish to remain anonymous. This blog is for them, not for the people who will comfortably attach their names to their writing. If you want credit for your writing, it would be better post to your own blog.

Some have suggested that those that wish their names associated with their submission can sign the submission, tagging their username. I have several issues with this. Of course, what I said above about the intent of this blog applies, but also I could easily see someone writing something controversial and then signing it as someone they dislike to cause that person to receive harassment. If the submission is anonymous, I would have no way of knowing if they are who they claim to be. I have too much anxiety to allow for that possibility.

So what will be changing?

Any submissions that are NOT anonymous will be resubmitted by me to be made anonymous.

Any submissions that are signed will be deleted.

I know this isn't the result a lot of people wanted, but I hope I've explained my reasoning well enough for you to understand why I feel this is the best choice for myself and this blog.

I know some people want credit for their writing, and I 100% understand that, but this isn't the place for those people. This blog is for the people that don't feel comfortable attaching their names to their words. That is what this blog was originally made for and I think I need to take these steps to return to that.

I thank you all for you kindness and patience as I continue to learn and improve how I run this blog. I know this blog isn't exactly what everyone wants, and I am sorry that I can't accommodate everyone.

I have said before and I shall say again, if someone else wants to run a confessions blog that works the way they want, that would be perfectly fine! I wouldn't take offense at someone making their own version of this. After all, I got the idea for a confessions blog from other blogs. I hardly own the concept.

These rules have been added to the pinned post.

[lu-is-not-ok]

I don't know if this has been mentioned before, but I have a theory about Hong Lu I haven't seen discussed so I was curious of your opinion on it.

As you're aware, there are a few identities where Hong Lu winds up in different jobs bc his grandmother nepo-babied him into different situations (like in the K Corp Class 3 Staff identity) and Hong Lu seems like a generally passive person that moreso allows to let the world happen around him as he rolls with whatever direction the tide takes him (terrible gloom pun intended, sorry).

Maybe I'm wrong, but with what we currently know about him I can't think of a wish that would be important enough for him to go into this whole job with the sinners and abandon his family and life so I've been theorizing his grandmother has a conservatorship or something similar over him and she signed his contract for a wish the family had instead.

Do you have any thoughts, critiques, or corrections for this? You're my favourite limbus blog, so I'm a bit excited to finally have a reason to send an ask in. :)

Thanks!

It's not unlikely for his family to be somehow involved in his employment at Limbus Company, but it is a little bit vague at the moment.

I'm gonna elaborate under a read more cause I got rambly. Also, spoilers from everything up to and including Intervallo 6.5.

We know from the recent Timekilling Time event that the reason Hong Lu isn't with his family right now is because he was told by his elders to explore and learn as much as possible. The way he describes it makes it fairly clear that him leaving his family home wasn't exactly his own choice, but rather something he's doing because he was told to.

This is however where things get a bit less clear. It's possible that his family sent him directly to Limbus Company, knowing that it would lead to him gathering a lot of experience. It's also possible that they just sent him out to do this on his own without much guidance, and when he came across Limbus Company it was his own wish for them to help him achieve the goal the family set out for him.

Identity-wise, it's important to note that the only Hong Lu identities that directly reference being put into the job by his family are once where he is working for Wings, that being K Corp and W Corp.

His Liu Identity also references his family, but doesn't make a direct connection between his spot at Liu and the influence of his elders, rather simply implying that he's unable to escape their influence in his position.

None of his Syndicate Identities really mention his family, which makes sense considering they're the least likely position that his elders would want him to have, but interestingly enough his other Association Identity, Dieci, doesn't reference his family either.

I think it's notable, since arguably his Dieci Identity would be the one where he's able to satiate his curiosity the most, and yet does not reference the idea of his family wanting that out of him at all. That could be potentially explained through the whole Dieci thing of removing their knowledge when they use it in exchange for combat prowess, especially since Hong Lu as a Key seems to be a lot more affected by that exchange, outright losing memories of where he is and why he's there upon spending his knowledge. It's not unlikely that this exchange might have led him to just. Forgetting about his family. Which would be fucking hilarious honestly.

Anyway, all that being said - Hong Lu's family is only ever directly involved when the position he ends up in has some form of... let's call it prestige attached to it, like that of a Wing's feather or an Association Fixer. On the other hand, they seem to be completely out of the picture when the position he ends up in is undesireable, like a Syndicate or low-grade Fixer Office.

This is where we have to consider the nature of Limbus Company as an entity. We know it's a large enough company to have considerable financial backing, sponsors, and be able to absorb other corporate entities like Moses' Fixer Office into itself. At the same time though, it is still almost entirely unknown to the wider world of the City, often not being taken seriously in the slightest by almost everyone.

Would Limbus Company be considered prestigious enough for Hong Lu's family to care to directly involve themselves in getting him the position? Or is it such a small scale entity that they don't care as long as Hong Lu is fulfilling the goal they gave him on his own?

Either way, his family and the orders they gave him are still likely to be his main reason for joining Limbus Company, it's just the matter of how deep their involvement actually goes.

[olderthannetfic]

Reading some of the recent-ish asks on your blog got me thinking about 1st person fic. I personally am not fond of it, but I think it’s largely a matter of characterization? It’s already difficult for a lot of writers to get character voice across in dialogue, so sustaining it in personal narration over an entire fic can be even more of a challenge.

And if a writer is able to keep a consistent character voice, it then runs into the problem of whether my idea of that character’s internal narration matches this particular fic writer’s. Most of the time, it does not, with the only common exception I’ve seen being fics where the canon includes either some mind reading or first-person narration from the character in question.

The end result is that I am very quick to back out of a fic written in first-person, not because I think it’s a bad style but because I don’t have confidence in the character voice fitting what I want from that fandom.

On the other hand, I am completely open to professional and original fic written in first person, mostly because I am being introduced to a new character with the perspective already established. I am also more open to reading a first-person fic from a side character or OC point of view than from a main character or one I’m strongly attached to, though those run into the same issues as all OC fic do (personal preference being minimal OC focus, but I have greatly enjoyed “outsider perspective” fics in this style in the past).

First person just feels like a very specific tool, and I’ve definitely read fic where it was used poorly, but mostly I’ve decided I’m not really up for taking the gamble when I have other options to explore. A lot of the worst first-person fic I’ve read have definitely felt like the perspective was an excuse to “tell not show”, often with alternating perspectives so you could be sure both sides of the ship thought the other was really hot! I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not something I personally find satisfying or seek out for my own enjoyment.

To me, first person is most effective to build intimacy and character depth with the perspective character and their interactions with the world around them. When it’s done well, it’s spectacular for strong character identity.

--

I think people underestimate how much third needs to show characterization in narration to be good, but yeah, first is more in your face when it sucks.

[fairygeek777]

Can you tell us more about your Sailor Earth OC? 👀

Oh my goodness thank you for asking!!! I'm going to be greedy and use this as an info dump, hope that’s okay anon! 🙏

For starters, I should mention that Sailor Earth is a redesign/alternate fandom recycle of my main oc Genevieve Marena. She was originally created in 2018 for the Fairy Tail fandom and started with the name Hoseki Ishi. 

Gene's thing was always diamonds, gems and minerals. So when I became obsessed with- *ahem* I mean, Got into Sailor Moon, I could not resist the urge to draw her as Sailor Earth. I drew her within a month of reading and buying the first 2 volumes LOL. 

This is the art from August 1st 2022

Since then I fell utterly in love with Dream arc, Mamoru and any version of him, Elysion, the Golden Kingdom, Helios’ role as a guardian priest and literally anything related to the Earth as Naoko Takeuchi wrote of it.

I was also low-key upset about how 90s was treating Mamo and Usagi, so I ironically made her the senshi that defends the love of Serenity and Endymion and protects their happiness lol.

Thinking about her more seriously as I am now deeply attached to Sailor Moon, I have a working summary of how I imagine her.

I explored her various designs for the series back in Summer 2023 (again after finishing the manga) 

More recently, I've been brainstorming how to more efficiently include her in the Sailor Moon story. I've been doing light research on Mythology, becoming more familiar with Astrology and crystals. I was honestly struggling quite a bit when it became clear that Earth is almost excluded from Astrology. That is, it's not treated in the same respect as Mercury or Neptune etc. are. 

I also knew that I didn't want to make her a Princess, that would be like replacing Endymion as the heir to the planet. And I was not about to make her the child of NQ Serenity and King Endymion. So I thought I might make her somewhat like Chibi Moon. If there can be two Sailor Moon senshi, then I say, why not two Earth guardians? Then I noticed that Pink Moon is actually the term for April's full moon. So I thought I could do something with that to make my Sailor Earth stand out (since it is obviously a very unoriginal idea in the first place) but I have yet to find a similar thing for Earth. 

Basically Earth is much less interesting than literally any other heavenly body to astronomers and astrologists so I'm working with very little lol. 

Anyway, I decided she'd be an Elysion Priestess and that she was given the powers of a Sailor Senshi to protect the Earth and her prince. She goes to the surface and attends Rei’s school, T.A girls academy. 

More recently, I was watching Eternal for like the 1 millionth time and it has always bugged me that the 2 Maenads look like they are from the Moon.

They look more like Queen Serenity than someone from Earth.

So, no offense to Takeuchi my girl, but imma change that. Because unfortunately I feel like things from Silver Millenium like the Twin bun hair on these two overlap too much with what should be unique to Earth. (But that is a blog for another day, so I digress) The two Maenads are now Gaia and Terra. Gaia becomes Sailor Earth and goes to the surface as Hoseki Jinsei and her Lavender Earth Crystal forms.

See these two? One of ‘em is Gaia.

Also, since it is already shameless enough to make a Sailor Earth self insert, I'm inserting my late cat Flash and his name is Apollo because Moon kitties are from Mau therefore any planet can have one not just Moon senshi. But also cuz I miss the hell out of him and I can't look at Artemis without thinking about him.

As of right now, this is the general concept of my Sailor Earth:

Name: Gaia

Gender: female

Civilian Name: Hoseki Jinsei

Senshi name: Sailor Earth

Sailor Crystal: Lavender Earth Crystal

Family: Terra (sister?/mother?) Helios (brother)

Occupation: Elysion Priestess

Partner: Apollo (white kitty with heterochromia from Mau, Artemis' twin brother)

Again, thank you so much for giving me the chance to info dump :3

[milkweedman]

Hi Mr. Weedman,

Tl;dr: If you had a more convenient way to do it, would you give tablet weaving another shot?

Long time fan, first time asker. I actually got into textiles/fibercraft via tablet weaving, so even just seeing the warp for the blanket all nice and lined up got me psyched. Someday i wanna try spinning yarn for my own weaving.

While stalking your blog looking at your work I saw you gave tablets a shot, and I was sad to see it gave you so much trouble. Thus, my question.

I started out doing it exactly as you did (but with disposable chopsticks), and got just as frustrated with worse results. I was too deep in hyperfixation to do anything else tho, so after a ton of trial and error I've figured out some cool stuff, like this:

If you attach a weight to the far end of the warp (a partially filled water bottle is nice for adjusting tension) and drape it over something horizontal like the back of a chair, you can sit somewhere comfy and still attach it at your belt.

I'm hoping to make a demo post or video soon focusing on ADHD and financial accessibility. If you're interested I'd love to hear your take on it, either from a dyslexic POV or just as someone way more experienced with textiles.

Thanks for everything,

especially the dick positivity,

Birdie

I have actually been thinking about tablet weaving a lot recently ! i came to the conclusion last time i tried it that i'd need an inkle loom, which i do now have the tools to make (just not the time or the materials at this moment). but your suggestion of adding weight to the other end to achieve the tension necessary, rather than needing to pull against it with one's body, is such a good idea !!!

i'd be fascinated to see your demo on it--please do send it to me/@ me when it's done, and i'd be happy to try it out and tell you my thoughts on itl ! i think i plan on building an inkle loom either way, but i enjoyed the simplicity of backstrap so much, and if there's a way for me to do it without as much pain i absolutely wanna try again. if im understanding you, it sounds like you could have the weaving tensioned on the back of a chair but could also sit in a backed chair while weaving ? that would fix it for me. and even if that setup isn't possible, im still much more hopeful that there's a way to make it work for me.

it's really great to hear about other fiber folks who hyperfixated their way through stuff not working and having a cheap setup, that's how i end up learning everything too xD

this was a lovely ask to receive , thank you for sending it :D

[phantasmiac]

in which you agree to wait for pro hero!bakugou, and time is a fickle thing

cw/tw: angst ig. hurt no comfort question mark? but there is a little closure in the tags, as a treat. miscommunication. bakugou has worms for brains. alcohol mention. not proofread. gender neutral reader.

wc: 1.8k

i think if bakugou fell in love with you during high school, and the cat was out of the bag, he might ask you to wait for him. to wait until he achieves his goal of becoming number one, because 1. he thinks he won’t be able to focus on a relationship and his goal at once and 2. he wants you to have him at his best. and you agree, albeit warily, because you’re just that stupidly in love with him. and maybe it isn’t the brightest idea to remain best friends while knowingly pining so pathetically after one another. it’s hard having him so close yet so out of reach. spending your shared days off lounging around on your couch together with the unspoken rule of not touching one another (though the brushing of limbs that leaves firecrackers setting off in both of your stomachs is basically inevitable at this point). going out to eat, going on hikes, being attached at the hip on small trips with friends. sometimes it feels like you might explode. your friends fear the impending doom of the tension suddenly snapping and ending with the two of you ripping each other's clothes off in front of everyone. but it’s worth it, you tell yourself, and it’s better than not having him at all.

four years have passed since your promise and you’re still waiting, patient as ever. but now, katsuki’s goal is so close you can almost feel his lips on yours. he’s steadily but surely moving up the ranks, and countless websites and blogs have already submitted their predictions for this years upcoming billboard chart results. things are looking up, and yet you can’t help but feel that katsuki’s recently been pulling away from you. you try your best to subdue your growing insecurities and be reasonable, but as the weeks go by and the thread tying you together continues to tear apart, the conclusion you’ve been avoiding beams at you: maybe katsuki’s done waiting for you. and maybe it’s finally time you listen to your friends warnings and start moving on, especially now when his lack of a presence in your life might make things easier.

you try, quietly. you’re sure if kirishima got a hold of such information he’d fax it right on over to katsuki, an idea that mortifies you. there’s a new sidekick at the office who you’ve been getting along with recently. the prospect of a romance with him has never come to mind, not when it’s been occupied by thoughts of katsuki and katsuki only, but you think it’s a good place to start. a few dates happen but the spark just isn’t there; you haven’t found your rebound, but you’ve found a close friend and confidant. being part of the hero industry means you’re bound to bump into your former classmates on a regular basis, katsuki included; even if it does feel like he’s been actively avoiding you. you know it’s immature, but you make it a point to always sit next to said confidant and laugh a little more than usual at meetings where katsuki is present, hoping his possessiveness will kick in and ignite the fire that’s been dwindling. you figure you only have yourself to blame for the bitterness that consumes you when nothing changes.

despite your minimal best efforts, you’re still hopelessly in love with katsuki by the time you’re physically sat at the billboard chart event, anxiously waiting for the top ten to be announced. feelings and promises aside, you’re still rooting for his success just as much as you were when you were two silly teenagers in the middle of a friendly rivalry (whatever “friendly” had meant to an arrogant, brutish teenage katsuki), before your heart had declared itself irrevocably his.

and although you’d like to think that all your classmates have matured since then, the matter of the fact is that some people will always have a little more room to grow; which is exactly why katsuki has still retained some of his juvenile stupidity, and why a vein is practically bulging out of his forehead at the sight of you chatting away with that stupid motherfucker from your agency among the sea of heroes. sure he’s been purposely distancing himself from you, and sure he chose not to do anything about his feelings — flaming red with rage and emerald green with envy — all those other times the two of you were practically crawled up each others asses right in front of him, but why the fuck isn’t your attention directed at him today? you promised. there’s a little voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously similar to a certain redhead, and it’s berating him for acting like a hypocrite. in response to said voice katsuki grumbles that he’s not a hypocrite because he didn’t break his promise; he never stopped waiting. he just got scared. scared that after all these years he still wasn’t half the man you deserved; that you’d waited for him in vain. and what better way to avoid an inevitable heartache than to push you away? what better ending for you than someone you deserved?

you don’t think there’s any gift katsuki could receive that could outdo his big win that night, but you still walk towards him at the after party, wrapped box in hand. he’s standing at the open bar (courtesy of the HPSC), elbows propped behind him as he revels in praise and congratulations from his former classmates and colleagues. kyoka and denki spot you first. their knowing gazes make your face warm up from shyness and embarrassment alike —the embarrassment stemming from the fact that tonight was unlikely to end with the moment they’d been rooting for for years. katsuki’s head turns to you last, and you note that his face is slightly flushed. it’s a sign that he’s had a few too many drinks, a sight last seen about two year ago when mina and sero had challenged him to a drinking contest (never again, he’d told you the morning after). you politely ask to pull him away to a secluded balcony, ignoring the low whistle that follows.

the night air is bitterly cold, which you accredit for the darker shade of pink that has covered katsuki’s face, illuminated by the lights of neighboring skyscrapers. had it not been for the last four months of radio silence from the now number one hero, your heart might have been pounding faster. it’s steadiness is further set by his gaze, which meets everything but yours. tonight may not be the night, but it’s still his.

“you’re probably tired of hearing this; or maybe not, actually,” you chuckle. “but congratulations, tsuki.”

the nickname makes him perk up enough to look at you. he wants to tell you that it is getting tiring, but he wouldn’t mind hearing it a couple hundred more times from you. instead, he lets you continue, hoping for a set of more significant words.

instead, you pull the box from behind your back, wrapped in holographic orange wrapping paper. a deliberate choice, considering you’d been telling him how ugly of a color orange was since your school days (you make it work, you’d told him once). you hold the box out for him to take.

“i know it’s not much, and i knew you’d hate the idea but i still wanted to get you something. i’m really proud of you tsuki.”

he holds the gift in his hands, flipping the dimensions around like something might appear. giving you a chance to say more. you don’t.

“is that all?”

your head cocks to the side. “i guess so?” you’re unsure of what he means. katsuki’s always hated receiving gifts, so you doubt he’s suddenly greedy for a second something you might be holding behind your back.

a ridiculous thought smacks him right across the head, the product of disappointment, insecurity, and the alcohol coursing through his system. the image of you and that fuckface he doesn’t even know the name of is attached. the bit of rationality left in him allows him to bite his tongue. “i don’t want it,” he declares, arm extended to return the box.

“stop that. take it,” you swat his hand away. he allows it drop to the ground. a mistake, you assume. you’re quick to pick it up and shove it back towards him.

“i said i don’t fucking want it,” he reiterates, hands shoved in his pockets as he walks towards the balcony door. “don’t want your fucking pity gift,” he mutters, low enough for you not to hear.

your initial shock is quickly taken over by anger. katsuki feels his arm being yanked before he’s nose to nose with your tear stained face. “you’re an asshole, you know that? if you don’t want me in your life any more, grow a pair and say so. you’d do that if you had even an ounce of respect left for me, instead of stringing me along and making me look like a complete fucking idiot.” the shake in your breath is followed by the slump of your shoulders. your vision is too blurred by tears to see how katsuki’s gaze has softened. “what did you get out of wasting my time?”

he feels the box being forced back into his hand. this time, he grabs it with a firm grip as you reach for the door handle behind him.

katsuki feigns ignorance when asked about your sudden leave by your mutual friends. says you probably left with that little friend of yours. mina isn’t subtle at all when she points out that your “little friend” is still at the party, and calls him over to further inquire about your whereabouts; he says he doesn’t know either. he then turns to katsuki, congratulates him and tells him about all the good things he’s heard about him from you. suddenly he feels like throwing up.

at home, katsuki finally tears open the wrapping paper. the envelope that falls out captures his attention first. the letter inside is four pages long everything he’d expect from you, unbelievably cheesy yet still able to make his eyes all glassy. three pages filled with descriptions of shared past memories and all the reasons you think deserves everything good that comes his way. and the fourth page. this isn’t meant to be a love letter, but if i never tell you how i feel I think i’ll suffocate. you can just blast this page to pieces if you want to.

inside the box is a watch. all alone, in the solace of his living room, on his first night as the number one hero, katsuki lets out a bitter chuckle.

[nuumbie]

okay I know you’ve already got scar requests but regarding your oneshot of us choosing him on the FIRST date like omg…..,,,,,

I know for a FACT I’d be literally like OMG PHYSICAL AFFECTION whether I’m fighting it or not cuz like I’m having identity issues I can’t just juggle that at the same time as my touchstarvedness being slowly cured like 🤷‍♀️ I’ll take the Scar hug that probably when I’d straight up cling it was hard enough before to not just give in to the physical affection my ass is NOT trying anymore I am CLINGY and I am HERE

What do you think Scar would think of such a thing like holy shit not only did they choose me but PHYSICAL AFFECTION RECIPROCATED THIS IS SO MUCH MORE THAN I COULDVE ASKED FOR I AM NOT LETTING THEM GO 🫶🫶

Is it a questionable desicion of reader? Of course it is however they are touchstarved snd several other issues, and he is probably too so 🤷‍♀️ I think it’d be funny and cute to see them attached at the hip especially with our popularity

general consensus, reader is naturally clingy n fucking caved when he straight up hugged them like okay clingy mode on they already have identity issues may as well reciprocate affection that they’re melting very much at

If any of this is too long or confusing lemme know 🙏

It has been months oomph … I recently gained motivation and cleaned some old works ( they are still messy since my writing is verrry self indulgent for me )… but I am going to try to respond to things…. I’m so sorry for those waiting for the sequel to the scar fic … those poor souls I’ll write it but to tell the truth I have NOT been playing WUWA !!! Waiting for the scar banner ….. but I made a promise when I made a messily owned tumblr blog !!!

( changli has come out since i’ve written anything that’s how long it took as a reference for my poor readers … )

Please come out soon scar… please it will revive my motivation in the game …

I wrote reader / rover as cat-coded ( ie hissing and biting judging him )…. Cause I mostly based the fic off the canon idea of being born an amnesiac and there are all these people forcing me to do … side quests … and having a realistic reason to go ok you might have a point evil man… and also it being rlly funny with a straight man reader x his manic energy… but honestly the idea of them being into it because they are experiencing it for the first time / not hating it per se is very fun. If we’re thinking of a rover! s/o ( I think he would be kind of mean to other people which is a fun dynamic to be explored later esp non!resonator readers … )…

The idea of you slowly getting accustomed to just having scar holding you close daily after joining… with his hugs or him being absurd with his requests for him to lead you by the hands so you don’t get ‘lost’ or the time he touches and pokes you to make sure you’re ’still there!’… very much excuses for physical contact !!!

The horror as you realize that you nuzzled back into scar… you know you did because he’s staring at you with these big old 🥺 eyes like it’s the most amazing thing in the world every time … and also because he’s laughing sing-song-like about how he’s the favoooorite in front of phorlova so you for sure know because he remembers cause he mentions it ! every ! single ! time! ( because she cares a lot for you too, her special sound, but he cares faaar more ! he’s making a record in his mind to bring up every time she acts even a bit possessive that he’s faaar superior ! )

( if anyone else touches you like that he gets weirdly pouty about it and territorial and probably does that stupid thing where he touches you over it like he’s replacing it with his own touch. very childish because he doesn’t have a mature way of processing his own feelings despite being smarter than he seems... i feel like he’s just as starved and he’s very new to this closeness thing or caring about someone so much. it’s so important because it’s you who’s so special… lavishing him in this attention… and he wants to be special to you. he wants to have you to himself … )

I think he would love it very much. would very much feed you your doses of daily touch when he realizes you like it in return… gives much serotonin to his brain when he realizes you’re clingy in and like it.

Would be hell for a reader who dislikes physical ! touch because i think he would try to hold back but would catch himself slipping up a lot. It’s a very soothing /possessive thing for him i think? There’s something about … holding the thing you like! Touching it. Affirming it’s there and it’s real. If you’re in his arms you can’t disappear !

He would love to be that good friend who absolutely wants to be more that shows you all about physical intimacy! Yes, he will teach you all about how affection is shared ! ( he has never experienced this for himself and is just as touch starved if not worse than you so now both of your ideas will be warped )…. Goes to caress your face or just rub and squeeze it like he’s taking in your features or memorizing the shape of your face or squeezes you like a squish toy sometimes, wrapping his arms around you /lifting you and carrying you around places / very much into the idea of actually holding you all the time, i think he would probably copy the things he sees normal people do when he sneaks around towns or now that he has you to experience such things with… or just gives into intrusive thoughts he’s finally got a chance to !!!

Would very much just touch certain places if it was a curiosity thing ... if that makes sense… his fingers probably brush up against your resonator mark a lot almost lovingly, reverent, maybe, as he touches the skin there like it’s special. Imagine him pressing the skin of his face there and caressing it lovingly or something... I think if your fingers touched his neck where his mask is in return in a nice, pleasant, way or shared even a fraction of attention there he might die actually. Gets speechless! Imagine that breathy, excited gulp of air before he grabs you by the wrist gently and holds your hand there… ‘can you touch there again like that?’ with that somewhat manic look.

And you remember instead of a black lamb always following after your footsteps he is also much like a big stupid dog.

Much thoughts…. Hope this feeds, nonnie !!! I’m an even worse rambler ! Let’s try to get to requests soon……… it’s so much easier to ramble than write…. But I will help feed the populace of scar fans !!!

[scandalouslamb]

Hi! I'm new around your ask box, your blog in general, but it's been keeping me so entertained with all the writing for these characters i've never even paid attention to before! Keep up the good work, you got me to be interested in reading the HG novels, haha.

Anyway, since you recently published work on Dr. Gaul I feel like this would be the most appropriate time to talk about it. I don't know if you've ever explored this concept before, or if someone has already mentioned it to you or if it's just common knowledge in the fan base, but the fact that Dr. Gaul hadn't considered Coriolanus' proposal of 'getting people attached to the tributes' for the past 9 editions is so fascinating? It's such a basic concept in writing, people will want more out of something they care for—usually and especially characters— that it boggles my mind that it wasn't something she considered before (though, to her credit, applying fiction logic to a gore fest reality show does seem pretty unconventional. Or maybe it's a case of Oops! Missed something obvious!).

It makes me wonder a couple of things about her and her worldview. She spends the entire movie (and I assume, the book) harping on about humanity's inherent savagery, yet she considered that empathy and sentimentality could get in the way of what's allegedly biological? Is that why she saw Snow as so promising? Because on top of proving her right he proved that even human kindness can be weaponized to favor violence?

I'm so sorry for the long ask I ended up rambling too much but i thought you'd be the only person in the fanbase at the moment who'd engage in Dr. Gaul discussion lol!

Oh, hello, anon! Welcome! Always happy to answer asks, no matter the length! Feel free to ramble!

Also with the exception of Gaul, there might be a good reason no one pays attention to the characters that I talk about (I basically made most of them up)! But I appreciate the interest! The novels are great! While I do fixate on minor characters, I do try and align what I write with the themes and ideas the novels explore, so there's still plenty of appeal to them! Just don't expect the Ravinstills to be a really big part of them lol (Gaul discussion under the cut)

To me, Volumnia doesn't seem like the type to care if people watch the Games. Like I know she reacts like this in the book:

Dean Highbottom shot Dr. Gaul a look. “You see? It’s a failed experiment.” “It is if no one watches!” she snapped back. She gave Coriolanus an indulgent smile. “He’s a child himself. Give him time. I’ve got a good feeling about this one. Well, I’m off to visit my mutts.” (Ch. 4)

But to me, I think it only starts mattering to her, because there's this implication that if they don't start raising viewership (or having some more concrete worth to the Capitol), then the Games will end, and she would hate for her little experiment annual art installation to be taken down. I think part of the reason that she doesn't come up with getting people attached to the Tributes is that she gets tunnel vision. She doesn't understand why no one can see her thesis statement. The worth of the Games is self-explanatory to her because of her worldview. How can she get people to see what should be obvious? The Games for her are the point in themselves— her little microcosm of the world reflecting her ideology. If the people don't understand the message right in front of them, then they're fools.

Volumnia Gaul, in my mind (and like many people in the Capitol), is a hypocrite. She'll say that humanity is inherently savage and then close her eyes to any signs of empathy and compassion happening around her (and in her Games). I think that she latches onto Snow, because she sees the seeds of ambition and the desperation of someone on a shorter leash than most in him. He's the perfect candidate for someone she can mold into understanding her worldview (and I think he reminds her of President Ravinstill, but that's fully me taking vague subtextual friendship between her and Pres. R and turning it into a whole thing). I also think that Crassus Snow being someone who used his best friend to get ahead and also was likely fully okay with an idea like the Hunger Games, plays a part in her initial interest in Snow. (Also in the above quote? I love that she's already got an eye on him! "I have a good feeling about this one." ehjtkrhjk)

I think Snow's weaponizing of empathy is actually very appealing to her like you say! I think she sees it as a way to rationalize acts of kindness and sentiment as something rooted in her idea of humanity's inherent violence! She gets to use him as a case study for that even if not all his kindness was a way to get ahead. Her whole worldview maintains itself through confirmation bias, and I think what she thinks of Snow is no different. She actively shapes him, and then probably turns around and goes "see that? human nature."

Anyway, I hope I answered all your questions! Once, I start typing I get a little lost, so if you'd like elaboration or clarification or just have another question, let me know!

And as always, these are, of course, just my two cents. There's definitely many ways to interpret Gaul and just everything.

I am also surprised that there isn't more discussion on Volumnia though... Like there are a few others, who contemplate her as well, but I thought there would be more. Anyway, thanks for the ask again, anon!

[clairedaring]

tag game ✨

huge thank you to the lovely zey @thasorns for thinking of me. i love you too (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

1. why did you choose your url?

no one remembers her but claire dearing from jurassic world will always hold a special place in my heart.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

poomphuripan - the bl sideblog that i started just because my main got deactivated for a bit but i guess for now, it's mostly uppoom and msi-focused. in december, it'll probably be torjj and spare me your mercy-focused. i think i'll probably just be using these for the ql series i have a crazy hyperfixation about.

huiyanan - a pentagon yanan/hui focus sideblog

coryjeacoma - my musical theatre sideblog for random audio bootlegs and sometimes musical gifs

ryuvachirawich - my unused (mostly lakorn) gifs blog for extra gifs i make but that doesn't make it into any main or sideblogs. at first i was trying to keep this sideblog lowkey but then i needed to tag the gifs w my gif tag anyway so i could search for them so disclosing is fine 🤣

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

2014... what do you mean it's been a decade since i started using tumblr.... time isn't real

4. do you have a queue tag?

i tried but i've given up on queue-ing in general so i don't. my tumblr is constantly in two modes: super active or going months without a single post lmaoooo.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i wanted to be where all the gifmakers are but i have too much interests so this shall remains a multi-fandom blog or more like a "whatever media claire is consuming atm" blog 

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

dirk gently is the single most perfect holistic detective in existence. sometimes i'm too attached to my url and my icon, i don't think i can ever change them. headers i can but i haven't changed my url/icon for 3-4 years i think.

7. why did you choose your header?

i feel you linger in the air is THAT series for me. dethroned almost every other thai series on my all time fave list (i say almost because bad genius series is still holding its crown well)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

i just checked and apparently it's my first and only merlin gifset 😅

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i have no idea but i love all my mutuals （づ￣3￣）づ╭❤️～

10. how many followers do you have?

i hit 1k recently. crazy to me because i've left this tumblr empty for months before starting being active again last october???

11. how many people do you follow?

4000+ but that's only because i'm too lazy to unfollow people. so yea i rarely see things on my dash. i just end up scrolling through my fave gifmakers tags to find things they make.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

i don't think so????? i mean the closest is probably me saying super random things on this tag.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

it used to be once a week... but these days it's really a daily routine lmao. although i'm pretty sure i'll leave my tumblr dusting once my stand-in ends... who knows... we'll see...

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

how can i? i'm so non-confrontational, i reblog things in private to argue with op 😭 lmao (arguments that op will never see lmao, i'm saving them and me both the trouble really). just enfp things.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

huh why do i never get them on my dash (⊙x⊙;)

16. do you like tag games?

sometimes i forget but i love being tagged in them because i get to know about all the great mutuals i have on here, especially music tags because i always get incredible new music recommendations

17. do you like ask games?

apparently i had my asks closed without knowing for quite some time so i haven't received asks for so long. maybe one day i'll do them but i have bad records of answering asks so ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i'm not sure if being THE certified way apologist/way gifmaker qualifies her as tumblr famous but maybe sasa @zhouxiangs is the most famous mutual i have

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

let's call this mutuals whose editing skills i wanna steal (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

lana @sherrymagic whenever you see me reblogging lana's joe sets every week, you'll see me gushing about the consistency in her coloring and that's because that's something i'm obsessed with, especially considering my stand-in's grim/dark cinematographic coloring. also i don't know how lana chooses the perfect lines from each eps to do her recap sets because most of the times i can't even choose between which scenes to gif.

eva @alienwlw eva makes the most beautiful lyrics set and is willing to do my most niche requests and i'm always looking forward to seeing her gifs because it's always so warm and grainy and crisp and i'm just like wahhhh *heart eyes emoji* every time

20. tags?

no pressure tagging anyone today ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

[therealvinelle]

Wait this is super late and already February BUUt

what was your tumblr blog wrapped? Favorite ask of 2023? Most thought provoking?? Strangest ask of 2023?

Better late than never! Although we have an immediate problem: I have absolutely no recollection of which asks I received in 2023, so we'll have to dig through my drafts for this one (as interesting questions are the ones I start answering only to be overwhelmed by, and then shove into drafts where they are forgotten).

So, looking through my 2023 drafts we have:

Most thought provoking

Which Agatha Christie plot would Carlisle actually stand a chance of solving? Like he wakes up human and is told he's the famous Hercule Poirot, what's the best case scenario there?

Anon has no idea how much joy they bring me when they ask me to think about murder mysteries, my only gripe is that anon is clearly not a Christie veteran because while Poirot was her most famous detective, the woman had lots of detectives. Poirot, Miss Marple, Tommy and Tuppence, Superintendent Battle, or one-off characters such as Calgary in Ordeal by Innocence. The one-off characters are typically ordinary people who suddenly find themselves in the middle of some insane plot unfolding (see: Calgary finding out that he was supposed to be a hanged man's alibi, now he wants to set things right, or the narrator of Crooked House who got engaged to a nice girl only to find out her family is insane).

All of this to say: Carlisle doesn't wake up as Poirot, he is the Poirot, our Christie hero of the day who gets entangled in a conspiracy of some kind.

Which means I'd have to think of an Agatha Christie-esque plot of my own to fit Carlisle into it, and then explain how he solves it and this frankly is a fic, not a tumblr post.

Kudos also go to the person who very stupidly asked me why I'm so obsessed with Alphard Black recently when he's a non-character in the Harry Potter franchise, they got this reply. (TLDR: I squinted at the Black family tree until I'd gone insane.)

Favorite ask

Somebody asked me about the RMS Titanic :')

Also this one: Voldie metamorphosis anon here, I can't believe someone already asked you that lol. Weird! Now that you're a wizard terrorist with mind control spells, what terrible Oslo city planning decisions would you interfere with?

Splendid question, anon, but I was overwhelmed and just wanted to type "Barcode. Barcode!! THE PLANS FOR GAUSTAD SYKEHUS" and attach lots of pictures of Ullevål hospital, my beloved, and ended up stepping away from the keyboard with my hands in the air.

Strangest asks

I'll just list a few as I scroll down my inbox.

You have purgatory, where there are Tom Riddles from different "universes". What would Edward Cullen's purgatory look like? Are they all sad because they're in hell? Do they have complex polycules? They don't talk to each other at all? I want to know your thought What gets me about this one is the first sentence, where we take a Purgatory of Tom Riddles for an established fact. I feel @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta probably made a post about it at some point except neither of us have any recollection of such a post actually existing.

Do you think the cullen would like you Never have I felt more like Regina George walked into my inbox than when I received this one. No, anon, and I know you know it too.

klaus wants to date rebekah & elijah ?? would you please explain I've never been more flabbergasted than by anon watching one of the CW Incest Shows and being shocked, just shocked, by the idea there might have been hints there. I wonder what anon made of Wincest, I really really do.

[elliespuns]

Hi

Just coming on here to clear up a couple things and mostly to apologize. I left the anon on the confessions account about your blog and the anon that got published mentioning your blog specifically was one I assumed would not be posted after seeing the confession page requirements (that say no user mentions will be published) after I had submitted it. I resubmitted an ask taking out any users and that anon was focused as a general point on accounts that I have seen scrolling through the Ellie tag on Tumblr (not your blog) that actually have posted really concerning and bordeline perverted things about young Ellie (ex weird sexual AI art of young Ellie, weird comments about Bella Ramsey not looking enough like Ellie/saying Ellie in part one of the game was more attractive) I have never seen a post from your blog that I thought was perverted and that is a point that I feel was worth reaching out through here about. I have thought that there is potentially odd tone used in some posts with younger Ellie where also your language sounds like an older writer but you have cleared that up and said all your good intentions with your recent post. I never intended to make you feel like you should leave Tumblr and I think you have contributed positively towards the tlou community on Tumblr I am just overly cautious and was trying to say a potential concern as in my main fandom group there has been a lot of really strange blog posts about characters on tumblr who are minors before. On tlou Tumblr and tikok I have come across many posts involving teenage Ellie in the hotel flashback of part 2 in weirdly objectifying ways and that is more so where the concern was based as at that point she was still a kid. Please don’t leave tumblr because of this and again I am sorry for the harm this has clearly caused as that was truly never my intention. There are blogs on here who do post things I find truly concerning but you are not one of them.

Um, okay, I did not expect this. I am completely stunned. In the best way possible. It surprises me that people who once wronged someone anonymously would stand up and take their time to explain or even apologize. 

I've checked the confessional blog again today, and the post is gone. I have no idea if it was you who made this happen, but anyway... thank you for coming through to apologize and get rid of the post that was making me look very bad for those who have never interacted with me. 

I realize it may look weird when my pfp is young Ellie and some of my 'thirsty' posts are about Ellie. To be honest, up until now, I'd never even thought about explaining that none of these posts have anything to do with her young self. Not even in a million years would I think that people would read such posts on my blog and think they were aimed at our kiddo.

Look, I know it'd be better to specify whether I'm talking about young or adult Ellie when sharing unhinged posts without pictures, but honestly, it'd feel over-the-top crazy to me.

Firstly, why would I try to disrespect or creep around the only character I've ever loved so much? Secondly, not only does specifying such details take the fun out of the content that is supposed to be spontaneous and cheeky, but it's also very restrictive.

This blog is a place I love coming back to; why would I even try to post anything concerning when I know how overly sensitive this fandom is? I don't even feel safe venting any of my opinions about the show here because it's so easy to get hate for thinking out loud, so why would I risk losing all the wonderful people who have been following me from the start by acting like a predator towards young Ellie?

And it's just so funny because I may be 30, but in reality, I'm shorter than Ellie, and I even look younger. So if anyone's molesting anyone, it's Ellie molesting me. (That's a joke, obviously). Why am I even explaining it?

As I said before, my consciousness is clear, and I have no problem attaching my real face to this blog because I know I've never shared anything discourteous or impertinent and never will. Do you really think this potato head would be capable of thinking profane things about baby Ellie? I don't even know what profane is (I do, but don't tell anyone).

Anyway, I was truly baffled and disappointed when I read the confession because I understood NOTHING. I kept thinking about it for a long time, and I couldn't get it out of my head that someone would go through my posts and feel off about the content they saw.

I don't want to spend my time overthinking every post before sharing because, god forbid, I use ONE specific word or phrase and everyone will think of me as a molester. 

I like to joke on my blog. I do that... a lot, actually. So most of my posts need to be taken with a grain of salt. Especially those that literally scream 'sarcasm'. So you either need to get used to my humor and understand I'm not always deadly serious (unless the topic requires it) or you need to unfollow and move along because I won't be apologizing for my passion to make posts based on my spontaneous thoughts. I don't want to tiptoe around people because there's always someone who doesn't like this and that.

I also think it's important to realize that Ellie (as a game character, not talking about the show) is a pixelated, fictional character. Not only don't I ever try to disrespect her, even though she's just a bunch of pixels, but she's also not real (even I'm shocked right now), so nothing anyone says about her online can really hurt her. Not the Ellie this blog is about.

I get that people get overprotective of her (I do too) because damn, it's so easy to forget that this girl doesn't exist in the real world, but to the point of hating, reporting, or harassing? I don't think that's right either.

Anyway, thank you for coming through. I appreciate it, and all is okay. I wonder who you are now. Oh, and if it was really you who requested the ugly post to be taken down, thanks for that too.

[sunhated-a]

Okay I got more questions…. (hope I’m not annoying you in any way. I’m the same guy who asked the nihilists question.)

This is more directed to muzans canon backstory.

So a observation, since one of narcissisms root causes is also being emotionally neglected as a child, i think that muzan was never giving enough emotional attention by his parents or anyone really.

But did he ever think about his past and know that he was abused in someway? Or did he just surpass everything about his times as a human that aren’t useful? Or did he just ignore it since it was a long time ago and he thinks it doesn’t really matter at this point?.. or does he not care about it?

Hello anon, I'm glad to see you back! And please, don't worry about annoying me with questions like these, I adore them. They are a huge reason why I made this blog so feel free to come and ask anything whenever.

NOW! To answer your question. For canon Muzan? I absolutely think you're onto something there. I don't know about diagnosing him with Narcissism as a personality disorder. NPD is a very complicated and extremely misunderstood disorder that should be approached with empathy and care. However! He does display some of the traits of what we colloquially call narcissism.

I think Muzan deludes himself into thinking that perfection is his own escape from his past. The way it reminds him of weakness, but the way that he forcibly makes his demons dependent on him does indicate a need to be needed, and his demands to be worshiped by them definitely comes across as someone who deeply craves attention, love and respect. To be seen as perfect in their eyes and nothing less. The way that lack of control over a situation or one of his demons will lead him into a rage, to the point that he is exacting and utterly merciless.

It all leads me to believe that he is deeply affected by his human life.

I went back to the extended flashback scene that we were given in the anime recently. And while Muzan did live in lavish conditions (especially for the time) and was surrounded by servants, we never actually saw any of his family members. We never really saw a scene between himself and his mother or father, or his siblings, or much of a relationship between him any anyone really. So it's not too much of a reach to say that he did suffer from emotional neglect, or some sort of abandonment. Which would explain his resentful and hateful feelings towards much of the world.

Now why he seemed to face this abandonment-- if at all-- is still up in the air. Maybe his parents just weren't sure how long he'd be alive for, maybe they didn't want to get attached, maybe they sucked, maybe they're dead. It could be a lot of factors there.

I think that while canon Muzan remembers his past with stunning clarity, he engages with it with the same cold logic he does with everything else. If he has some resentment towards his family, he doesn't seem to show it. Didn't even mention them whenever he narrated his own story.

I, however, think Muzan's past affects him deeply still. He just doesn't show it. Or at the very least, in an outward way. He's far too fixated on his future to really think back on his past, and the person that he once was. Maybe he isn't even aware of how neglect and abandonment has affected him because he shows a lack of introspection throughout the series, especially when it comes to his relationships to others.

But we do see him display a deep fear of abandonment at the end of the manga, which I won't get into detail to avoid specific spoilers, but if you know you know.

But it lends credence to the idea that Muzan never had any substantial relationships.

[poindexters-labratory]

I'm going to scream into the void right now. I don't expect much response in return, I'm more or less using my blog as a medium to explain my emotions to myself. What I'm thinking and what I'm feeling after having a difficult past few days.

For context: My partner of four and half years and I have separated on good terms, fair terms, and I'm not really sure what to do. Toward the end of this relationship, I had found myself predicting every possible situation and where every outburst might potentially occur. They were an explosive person, but not in a malicious way, more so in a way that they didn't know how to control. We decided it would be best if they left to learn how to control it.

At the moment, we're taking a weeklong break of no contact, maybe longer, but that's what they've told me before we start conversating again and start on the road to becoming friends. I'm, again, putting this on the blog because I don't have any specific person I can confide in about how I'm thinking and feeling about this large change in my life. They were everything to me, legitimately the only person I had to go to for things like that.

When you know someone for that amount of time, when you're as young as I am, knowing someone for four and a half years takes up a lot of time in the mind. From the point right before I started my freshman year of high school, to eventually now, where I'm almost a year out of school. And when you talk to the same person pretty much every day, there's this thing that happens, especially to folks like me that have brains wired in strange ways, to where everything all the time at every point of everyday centers around them. A dependence. An addiction.

I was hurting, I am consciously aware of my situation and I am consciously happy to get out of what I know is a bad situation, but my soul aches for just one more conversation, one more word, one more stupid meme that will give me that hit of dopamine that reassures me, "There's someone who cares about you."

It's very strange to be so attached to a person, like you have no idea what to do when they're suddenly ripped from you. I'm depending on them to make me feel worthy of everything that I have ever done or have ever thought of doing. And now that security is gone, and now I have to be brave enough to confide in someone else, learning along the way that I cannot depend on a single outside piece of reassurance constantly.

Somehow, with a mind that has been constructed only to be able to love myself whenever outside sources tell me that I should because of the things that I can do. How talented I am, how smart I am, how wise and thoughtful I am. Somehow, that mind has to find that outside source from within and at the moment, that sounds downright near impossible.

My mind has also been made to solve problems. I'm not very book smart, but I figure myself to be emotionally intelligent enough to try to help and encourage other people, and more recently, that includes myself. I've been trying to keep up with taking care of myself physically and emotionally. But there are going to be moments where I fall and feel like in that moment, I can't get back up without help. And it's good to need people, but I need my circle to be more than just one dependent who does all the work.

Loneliness is difficult. I've faced loneliness for most of my life. People don't want to be your friend on the playground when you're odd and prefer your own company. Even in the company that I did find when I was young, they eventually went away. I've moved over nine times in the span of 18 years and it's not a fun experience having to uproot the life you made every couple of years to leave and start a new one. That means leaving people behind.

But recently with the power of technology, I had been able to keep up with my partner. I was fourteen when I got my first legitimate smart phone, and they were the only person I would talk to on it. Putting that small timeline of four years into perspective that we got together right after I received my first hand-me-down phone and now I'm on Tumblr posting Five Nights at Freddy's fanart and buying MatPat's last merch run is absolutely bonkers to think about.

That's only a small percentage of my life and I'm sitting here in agony and emotional belief this is the end of the world. Absolutely it isn't, but it's still pain that's here in the present and I have to acknowledge the present day and my emotions or else it means so much disrespect to my future and past. I didn't come this far into my life to essentially burn down all that progress, and I don't think my future is going to be so happy if I give up on it.

I have to remember, and I'll deliberately have it here to reread if I ever need it, that I'm capable. I'm capable of making change, of changing, of striving to be the best version of myself that I can comfortably be, of doing things on my own, and I'm capable of asking for help whenever I feel I need it. I need to listen to my body, my mind, and my soul so much more intently than I have before so that I don't end up in a pit of despair and disappointment. It's not good for me and it doesn't make me a pleasant person to be around.

I need to trust that the people that I love, love me. I need to remember that there are connections waiting to be explored, discovered, and cherished just as much as I cherished this person. I still do cherish and love them very deeply, I never won't. I believe people are capable of changing if they're willing to put in the work and effort, and they are a very hardworking person. But so am I.

I'm not afraid of the hurt or the aching. It's evidence of love with nowhere to go and I will cherish those feelings and I will be saving them, experiencing them. I'm more afraid of what I am going to do now. I guess the next step will be continuing to work on and toward what I'm passionate about.

I am not angry, I am not spiteful or vengeful. I simply will be forever grateful for the times and moments we shared, and the new moments we will have. Even if it is for short specks of time.

This has been a moment of peering into Poindexter's mind.

(pic of my cat for good vibes)