#i thought bc i have to do things with real life

[judeswhore]

u and jude not being able to stand each other but still hooking up on the dl bc no matter how annoying the other is, u can’t deny that the sex is amazing. but one thing that u promised yourself is that you’d never boost his ego bc u already think he’s cocky enough, so u always try to refrain from letting him know how good he makes u feel cuz it’ll go to his head🫢

so one time u guys are going at it and you are literally going dumb from how good it is and he can tell that ur liking it so he’s being all annoying and teasing you. and eventually when ur close to the most intense orgasm of ur life to pull out and he’s like why and u don’t wanna admit the real reason so ur like “cuz i said so” and he knows why ur asking him to so he’s winding u up until eventually u blurt out that it’s cuz ur about to squirt. so after you guys have finished, he is being the biggest pain in the ass and ur annoyed bc there is nothing u can say or do to even convince him that the sex was mid

the two of u have just never gotten along despite having been in the same friend group for so many years and everyone has just accepted that the two of u have this weird hatred towards the other and love bickering and arguing over literally everything so they barely even bat an eyelash anymore. but despite always arguing and saying how much u hate each other the tension and attraction has always been obvious until it got to a point u couldn’t deny it anymore and after a few drinks one night u ended up sleeping together and after that it just became routine. but u still maintain the fact u dislike each other and it kinda makes the sex hotter bc you’ll both constantly tease the other abt “thought u hated me? why’re u begging for it then” and for some reason it just makes everything a lot more intense and even a little more fun?

but u hate letting jude know that he’s the best person you’ve ever slept with and that he makes u feel so good so ur always acting so nonchalant afterwards, leaving straight away and acting like it’s no big deal and like the sex was mediocre. or you’ll slip in a comment abt how “ur effort was poor this time it was kinda disappointing” even tho ur lying through ur teeth. then one night after you’ve spent a little while apart ur making up for that lost time and hes already made u cum a handful of times on his fingers and tongue so ur completely fucked out and so overly sensitive. he’s got u spread out on his bed, up on his knees a little between ur legs so he can watch the way ur whole body shakes and he’s got one hand pressed against ur lower tummy to apply pressure while he rubs his thumb over ur clit and he’s teasing u so much abt how ur crying and the mess you’ve made and “babe, c’mon ur squeezing the life outta my cock what happened to still hating me?” and ur just whining a little, nails biting into his forearm in retaliation. but the way he’s fucking u and the angle and his hand on u has ur pleasure at its peak and u recognise that it feels different than usual and u know ur abt to squirt and u really don’t want to give him that satisfaction bc you’d previously told him he’d never be able to get u to. so ur gasping a little and telling him to pull out, trying to push his palm away from ur tummy to ease up on the pressure but he’s just cocking his head a little and asking why w this shit eating grin bc he knows ur body better than u do and he can tell this orgasm is gna be a lot stronger than ur others.

he’s just leaning down over u, pace never faltering while he’s all “stop being stubborn and give it to me. let go, baby” and in between he’s mumbling little things to wind u up abt how he knows he’s fucking u good and that there’s no way u hate him as much as u say when ur creaming all over his cock and those little mocking phrases paired w the way he’s fucking u has u tumbling over the edge and u end up squirting a little and he’s just so cocky and full of himself over it, continuing to wind up up over how badly he effects u. and then afterwards ur going through the usual routine of acting like it wasn’t the best sex of ur life while getting ready to leave but ofc he’s having none of that and he’s just teasing u abt the mess u made and how u ruined his sheets and that u got so loud he’s sure the neighbours heard and u just know he’s never gna let it go

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/28/2024

we are rapidly approaching the one-year anniversary of my ill-fated cross country move. i have changed from having a bad time in massachusetts to having a bad time in texas, but this time with my best friend's shoulder to cry on in real life. so an improvement i suppose

listening

i can't fucking believe this wasn't already in my driving playlist. thanks autogenerated spotify dance playlist

-

reading

the maltese falcon by dashiell hammett. i didn't really appreciate philip marlowe the-human-detective-not-my-cat's bisexual eye for interior design and outfits until i started reading this book. this passage really threw me with regards to shoes before pants in what i assume is a fairly normal suit and not a specific type of formalwear? i have a very specific blind fashion blind spot and that's pre-wwii menswear

this led to an absolutely VICIOUS argument with my bestie bc our grandfathers were from very different eras and held themselves to very different levels of formality. hers was a fancy white collar bastard and mine wasn't. i never saw mine in a suit outside a funeral.

anyway i KNOW that the fashion in the latter half of the twenties up to WWII was for a very wide legged pant (the oxford bag) and i GUESS you could certainly shove your whole goddamn shoe down that leg but like. it threw me. socks before pants, certainly. especially if you have to fuck with sock garters. but shoving your whole shoe down a pant leg seems. well it just seems. there's an order of operations i thought was sacred for most things. was the seat truly so tight in an oxford bag. are suspenders really that awful to bend over in. so much womens formalwear is uncomfy on purpose so i feel like i have a skewed view of acceptable pain for an outfit to cause you

why am i reading this? can you think of a more on-brand book for me to read? please let me know if you do and i'll add it to The Pile

-

watching

the tremendously charming soviet childrens film The Tale of Tsar Saltan (1967, Ptushko). court intrigue! a swan princess! giants marching out of the sea! a slightly unsettling squirrel puppet shelling gold and emerald walnuts! a lot of sight gags, some lovely ballet sequences, and there are so many little moving parts to look at in each scene. at its densest it's like howl's bedroom in howl's moving castle

this was on my library's streaming platform Kanopy and i had credits to use up.

-

playing

two things in genshin that took absolutely forever to accomplish:

i finally maxed out the overall XP system (not the character XP system) so the game's just been chucking in-game currency at me instead, which has been helpful!

and i finally caught two thousand fish! very nice to clear like forty fishing spot markers i put down on my map, in advance of the forty billion markers i'll want to put down to mark stuff in the next big release at the end of the summer.

i forgot that i can use my desktop for things that aren't genshin and applying to jobs, so i reinstalled steam and fired up powerwash simulator. they popped out one new DLC in the year since i touched it, a santa's workshop level last winter. a good hour well spent. i spent a LOT of time with this game right before my move last year and it did genuinely help my anxiety.

-

making

not a fallow week but a pictureless week. ended up painting most of my best friend's bedroom bc we didn't have anything better to do on a saturday night. i think this was the hardest i've ever raw-dogged a painting project bc we had no tarps or painters tape or paint trays or rollers wider than 3". just a bucket of paint and a need to make the half-painted bedroom wall look nicer for her new job zoom training. we have to do a lot of things like move the bed and paint that wall, and paint the ceiling, and do all the trim + doors, but it does look much nicer on zoom now!

[coyotebitez]

a bit of a rant

i know im not popular on tumblr at all, but i gotta ramble bc im so pissed off and i think my boyfriend is tired of hearing me rant all the time lol. rant under the cut bc this is nothing like what i usually use my acc for (i usually just reblog therian things

as a DID sys, i dont think I could ever support endos. i have mixed feelings abt "multigenic" or whatever its called (a lot of the time to me it sounds like that other -genic is a source of trauma to them) but i cannot stand endos. they actively choose ignorance. I have tried time and time again to talk to them and try to understand them, but I cant. a couple days ago one of my younger friends started talking about thier system and i was like "oh, i didnt know he was plural" and it checked his rentry and it said "undisordered system"....

i asked him about it, i was genuinely curious about how he thought that way, but he just started arguing w me. he said "do you think that people can be plural without having DID?" and i said "No, unless they have a different dissociative disorder." and i respectfully explained why i thought that, including an explanation of the theory of structual dissociation. i sent a pdf of the dsm - v & screenshots of different informational sites about DID. and they ignored all of it. they CHOSE to be ignorant. and then they asked me "Do you even know what dissociation is?" after I told them I have DID. they also said traumagenic plurality is a personality disorder and called me the r slur.

They were SO CLEARLY uninformed, and would not listen to someone who was respectfully trying to teach them. They talked over someone with the disorder they were spreading lies about.

And my other experience with endo systems? She was abusive and used "syshopping" to impersonate a real system. another endo sys at the age of BODILY NINETEEN was in a romantic relationship with aomeone who was BODILY FOURTEEN. and said it was ok because they had the same sys age.

I dont think its a coincidence that EVERY endo I have foolishly let into my life is a shitbag.

So yeah, fuck endos. Theyre ableist and romanticizing mental illness and they put a target on REAL SYSTEMS back by pushing their bullshit. They lie about an already stigmatized group of disorders. I will never support endos.

[sergle]

(re: sssniperwolf and jacksfilms) It's laughable that she escalated it that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure stalking him like that is illegal and it's terrifying regardless, but Jack said in a stream (can't remember which one) that he wasn't about bringing up past controversies of hers or cancelling. And now she shows up outside his house (wtf!!!). Like he was willing to only call her out for stealing and freebooting but she's gone and stalked him and Jack doesn't seem like the type of guy to take that shit. Actual WTF moment from her part. wild

omg long post below bc apparently I have opinions: YES!! THAT'S WHAT'S SO INCREDIBLE ABOUT THIS... Jack has been genuinely diligent about keeping things on-topic in his streams, and hasn't brought up any of her other Stuff, or anything Personal. Despite the fact that she kickstarted the whole thing by making it INCREDIBLY personal and attacking his physical appearance... His goal has been to call out and bring attention to content theft, and he's stuck with it. Dude's also cared about this for years, and she's not the first content thief he's criticized. He just hates the way that freebooting has become so accepted-- to the point where youtube praised her for "coming up with such creative video ideas"? Hey! Ew! Dude wasn't trying to get her cancelled though, there was no smear campaign of her character. He's been rallying to get her to CREDIT the creators that she relies on for all of her content. It would set a precedent for all other "react" channels on the platform for one of the biggest channels on youtube to actually give credit where credit is due. Or, god forbid, get permission first? It's not hard. It's already done the job of making some other people who do "react content" self-analyze whether or not their content is transformative, and to maybe care about crediting the creators they rely on for their genre to work. There is a way to make this kind of video that isn't so slimy. And making fun of her lackluster-at-best reactions is so far from even being a big deal. Bc she literally does just sit there and say nothing. Plus, his goal has a clear End built into it: if she started shouting out the creators she takes content from, and put links directly to their pages in her video descriptions, the job would be done! That's what he's asking her to do. Real bare minimum stuff. It legit would have been easy to steer away from the content theft and to also talk about her history of lying to her audience! her ghosting a dying kid with cancer who was a big fan of hers! the fact that she's been arrested for armed robbery! her history of transphobia! He would also get more clicks that way, which is what she claims is his sole goal- to get more clicks. I'll bring it up though! She's been a terrible person the whole time, and has kept a steady course of manipulating her audience of young children and/or, let's be completely honest, simps- into thinking that she's a Wholesome creator. (And now, into thinking she's an innocent victim.) All of the actual effort put in by her has gone toward optics, not the content she puts out. A carefully constructed online persona, for one, but also literal appearances. Jack totally can't say this, bc she already went off the handle and said the only reason he doesn't like her is bc he Hates To See A Woman Be Successful. But I can! That was a cheap shot for her to use that argument when, for once, it's not applicable! Much the opposite, even! Dudes online wouldn't go to bat for her if she didn't look the way she does. And it weakens any case she'd have against him by making baseless claims like that. She banks hugely on being an attractive woman to get her clicks/following. A massive amount of effort is put into her appearance. The makeup, the lip fillers, putting her hair in little pigtails, the chokers and tube tops, the big non-prescription Nerd Glasses, the thumbnails where she has her mouth open in That Expression?

I don't even have to say anything. But making a weird facial expression and putting your hair in pigtails aren't moral failings. Showing up at someone's real life home (whose address you shouldn't even have access to), filming the front of their house at night, doxxing them to your audience of millions of people? Because you were mad at them online? That is fully scary! Yeah girl I'm pretty sure that Jack can press charges! There is absolutely no way to take the moral highground now that she's literally stalked him, and doxxed his home. She tried to goad him and Erin (Jack's wife) out of the house, also, which creeps me out even more-- because what was she planning to do? The fact that she's been arrested for violent crime before does pop into my mind! lmao! Jack was streaming a game at the time that she was outside his home, and these clips of him, his friends, and Erin reacting in real time to what is genuinely a scary situation have been taken down in case he needs to use them in legal action. Shit is legitimately serious!

[caeslxys]

also on the topic of meaningful consequences re: character death I don't understand the take that death in fantasy requires physical permanency to matter or give a story "stakes". death is permanent regardless. Do you really think that if they get her back, they'll just go back to normal? That these characters are not forever fundamentally changed from this, that Laudna will not be fundamentally changed from this?

That Imogen's world will be less fractured, that she won't be even more of an anxious wreck now that what she stands to lose has been put into vivid clarity? That Orym won't still carry the guilt of being the chosen, that he will be less haunted by the connections he drew to his own grief with Will to Imogen's with Laudna? That Fearne won't look at Laudna and think of that coin flip, of her choice, and what that means for her and how she loves? That FCG and Ashton won't think to this and be reminded of the people they've hurt or been hurt by, and what this effort and what this grief means for how they view the hells?

That Laudna, who has been so blasé about life and if she's alive and what being alive even means for someone like her, won't wake up surrounded by family and by love and be driven to reexamine everything she's taught herself in 28 years of isolation to cope with the trauma of Whitestone? That this, maybe, will be the driving force she needed to realize that there are things she wants to live for?

It might be that I'm just biased, but I'm not sure what stakes Laudna perma-dying adds aside from just presenting the characters with the knowledge they all already have that they can, in fact, die. that what they're up against is incomprehensibly powerful and dangerous. The stakes already feel so impossibly high when you think of what and who they are preparing to face. frankly the aftermath of this combat alone, even if everything had gone perfect and everyone had gotten back up a-okay, would have set that tone.

I don't know, regardless I'll be happy to watch whatever story they choose to tell unfold as it does, but it strikes me that so many people seem to think that death only matters if there is a physical absence.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

there are too many thoughts inside of me at all times.

[skitskatdacat63]

"average person creates 3 new AUs per year" factoid actually just statistical error. average person makes 0 AUs per year. Alternate Universes Catie, who lives in cave & makes over 2 each month, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[bijoumikhawal]

also it really is shit how several popular bloggers were like. Horribly bigoted towards ace people when it was cool, but once it stopped being trendy they 1) deleted those posts so receipts couldn't be pulled 2) maybe put up claimed "redactions" or said "omg its been years if you really wanna know wether i still hate those people dm me" but never apologized for their behavior lmao. I don't think any of the people who did that actually changed, I just think they know it's not such an acceptable/fun target to bully anymore. It's really sick how that type of bullying was encouraged for years and how few people repented for their behavior.

[fiveeeee]

i think ppl forget sometimes that ppl who genuinely do not feel emotions do not do much of anything, bc u need emotions to feel motivated to do things and make many decisions. not feeling anything are characteristics of depression and schizoid personality disorder and both are characterized by lack of drive to do much of anything. often ppl use emotionless as short for smart and cold but truthfully those ppl are not emotionless, they must be motivated by something whether curiosity or fear or a sense of utilitarian morality.

and i think also ppl forget there is a price for repressing ur emotions. that shit is incredibly taxing on ur body, incredibly stressful. it will straight up make u sick. so all of this must be considered when u have a character that doesnt express themself much.

[acaciapines]

obviously if you’re busy leave this alone but: your tag essay has made me VERY intrigued about Dess and Azzy’s relationship in this AU. Tell me about it?

(also, did you see they did an announcement about Starship Iris season 3? It’s finally gonna happen!)

okay IM HERE TO TALK LOL i will NEVER not talk about this au <3 uhhh under a cut bc. really i should just expect these get super long.

big important note up top: all of this is in! early stages! things are not fully formed and researched yet so please keep that in mind as you read this. ideas might change and will get deeper as i do more work for this au, but since rn im focusing on owl house most of these are my ideas i've had without time to do deeper dives into them.

okay so with asriel i've always sort of written him as this guy who like...has an idea of what is 'normal' in his head, ie, what society wants from people, and what it doesnt want, and he has tried his hardest his entire life to always fit into this box. (think about i know im not well--this is why he's always seen kris as a human. being nonhuman is abnormal and gets you punished in society. to an extent this is also how he views dess being aromantic.)

i think a lot of this comes from fear--asriel IS for sure contorting himself and actively harming himself to stay inside this narrow box of 'normal' (think of this as another sort of prophecy--these are all touching on the same themes). and he applies this same mentality to other people BECAUSE of this fear, because he doesnt want his loved ones to be hurt, to be punished, ostracized, etc by society--which are i wanna be clear VERY MUCH THINGS THAT HAPPEN--but in doing this he sort of just hurts the people he loves. because instead of being someone who rejects these boxes hes like. no we gotta be good and fit into the boxes and then everything will be okay.

so when it comes to dess, dess has always very much Done Her Own Thing, consequences be damned. partly this is who she is, partly this is hashtag undiagnosed and untreated mental illness, the onset of which happens around when shes 18 and everything is going down with the bunker (which is NOT helping at ALL). and so when dess comes back from the bunker asriel does very much go 'oh. shes delusional.' and proceed to be No Help At All.

and like, the thing is dess IS very much having a psychotic break. this bit is very much still in deep research (sidenote: anybody in my audience who has experience w/ these things. feel free to hit me up/dm me lol i'd love to talk through some of my ideas as a sort of preliminary sensitivity read, but of course only do this if you are up to it, no pressure lol bc again we're in early stages) but she has schizoaffective + bipolar disorder. dark worlds dont help with this, asriel SUPER doesnt help with this (he doesnt know her actual disorder--neither of them do, this is the onset of things. but tbf even if he did he Would Not Help asriel is essentially doing everything wrong here.) and what dess needs is literally one single person in her corner but the person who is supposed to be in her corner (azzy) is basically being like 'you are making this up' and shes like im NOT, and everything is all mixed together, terrible, bad, awful, and eventually everything culminates and. we know what happens.

(side note but this is why she and chara work real well together actually--chara gets her when asriel doesnt!!)

asriel never actually like. tells anybody about this though. in his head after its assumed dess and kris have died he sort of just. is like well this proves it. i cant let anybody else i care about go that far EVER AGAIN, because if i was a better friend i would've noticed and i wouldve stopped it and made dess "normal." (yes asriel sucks here. the focus is on the kids but. he's getting an arc. i do promise he will get better but. that doesnt really fix what he's done in the past.)

and all of this is like. it fucking sucks for the people around asriel. in hurting himself he's hurting his loved ones--it pushes dess away, and that relationship is never going to be the same. even when asriel realizes how he fucked up i dont think dess really forgives him. because if asriel had just believed her, or at least even if he didnt actually took her seriously and tried to help, shes like. things wouldve gone differently. and asriel knows this too.

and then when it comes to NOELLE, well. asriel's always been very overprotective of her. terrified the world is going to hurt her. and so when noelle starts experiencing things, things she cant tell if theyre real or not...

she doesnt tell him. she doesnt tell anybody. she keeps it all to herself, and this means its a hell of a lot easier for the player/red soul to manipulate her. and nobody finds out until its too late.

[mossflower]

how many breakdowns should you have about dropping out before you seriously consider dropping out. asking for a friend teehee

[insert-neologism]

paper doll by flower face

[mastersoftheair]

on the mustache question

[petz5]

hello petz5 nation i am once again on the verge of tears bc of akane tendo

[mybrainproblems]

sometimes you miss your ex bestie and then you remember they hetsplained your queerness to you and then friend-dumped you almost as soon as they got a serious partner and it's like.

yeah nah. missing them? wanting to try and patch things up? that's the devil talking.

[theygender]

I may be considering the crime of... Getting a business degree 🤢