#i took a screenshot of him instead smh

[briar-rolfes-research-oubliette]

ON MONDAY, I (FINALLY) MADE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NEWEST ERAGON BOOK!

MURTAGH

“A Book I Read”

It took three very patient friends of mine to encourage me to finish reading this. I took notes the whole way through, and I am now sharing those in hope of finding loving community with my fellow haters.

Important context:

I loved Eragon, which came out when I was roughly eleven

Christopher Paolini was the first author to ever disappoint me

I used to love epic fantasy, until feminism, coming out, and learning about literary criticism made me just too mean to enjoy it

Since 2015, whenever I’ve had writer’s block, I’ve found inspiration by looking at this screenshot:

Christopher has managed to create a life where his mum has never stopped doing his laundry or his editing for him. He has never worked a job in his life. He has infinite time to work on his craft, and yet, with all of those advantages, he writes the way he does. I don’t hate him, but I do want to destroy him in single combat.

LET US BEGIN.

17 November 2023

I forgot how obsessed this man is with proving he knows rare words. Picking up my phone to google the word “trenchant”.

He really just didn’t want to say the dragon had a sharp sense of humour huh? Oh, no, it’s TRENCHANT. It wasn’t even for dialogue I identified as comedy but Murtagh thought it was TRENCHANT. He and Thorn have been alone in the wilderness for too long

NOT NASUADA BEING DESCRIBED AS HAVING ALMOND EYES

Of course the protagonist has grown a beard. He’s A Man Now.

I have a theory that this book is about coming to terms with marriage. Murtagh is like “our bond… our bond that lasts until death… the oldest magic… only the two of us understand each other. But, we’re also trapped with each other,” and I’m like hm. Fascinating. Say more

Instantly Murt befriends a child, to prove he is good really.

It’s so weird to read a book by a grown man with kids who is like “how did we all start out so innocent and pure…” like have you MET five year olds

This whole fork fight scene makes me feel second hand embarrassment deep in my soul. It’s SO This Guy Is The Best And Coolest

“Fencing with effortless ease” I do not care how well trained he is: you cannot kill four men with long swords by stabbing them with a little fork in “four hard impacts.” It’s just not happening.

I’m really dwelling on the idea of magic as “imposing your will” on something. It’s very.., something. Murtagh cleans his shirt by “imposing his will on the garment” like. Okay, I suppose in a way that is how all laundry is done, but it’s. Hm.

How come he’ll clean a shirt with magic but not shave with magic? Why are these books SO obsessed with beards and shaving and how to do shave and using magic for shaving etc etc, Eragon was also majorly preoccupied with this

Paolini’s got so many complexes on the page. All the “we’re half brothers and your dad killed my dad” stuff is A LOT

The naming stuff… SMH what would Ursula Le Guin say about all this

I’m obsessed with how even as (gasp) an OUTCAST!! Murtagh can’t not be the coolest guy ever for any time at all. It’s like a disease

Giving the child the enchanted killing fork was the worst decision ever made. Murtagh gives her a murder weapon and is then moping like “what’s it like… to live without killing…” literally pages later.

I’m really startled that Murt is delighted to see a tiny flying magical grass boat come down from the sky and circle him instead of being like “wtf, I’m being Watched,” which would be the true act of a man we are told is paranoid

I just got to the bit where Murtagh offhandedly says that magic users who “are the heaviest” always have the most spell reserves.

Like……… what???? Magic eats your fat?? It burns glucose??

You could be a better mage if you just, ate a bunch of raspberry frogs before each fight??????

It’s food powered??? You really want to go there, Paolini????? Wizards in the candy shop, eating sweeties like Mistborns?

GOD, if only Galbatorix had chugged a bottle of red cordial before his last big fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I return after losing my mind about this to my partner for forty minutes)

If it was “if you’re hungry you can’t FOCUS” I’d get it. But I always assumed it was like, you know how other fantasy does it? Some kind of pool of ADDITIONAL energy that you are accessing and that can be used up (until you go too far and start using life force or whatever). Like, it’s CHANNELLING it that makes you tired, not that it’s literal food energy.

Murtagh is always running or doing his sword forms or whatever and now I’m like “DUDE, NO!!!?!? DON’T BURN YOUR WIZARD CALORIES!!?!?”

I like when magic can’t do EVERYTHING, when it’s consistent or limited in some way, but I do hate the idea that it’s this predictable. Food energy becomes raw magical power. I GUESS.

(A little later)

Screaming at the suggestion Thorn can tell when Murtagh is horny.

I don’t like the euphemisms. It makes it worse

The fact he can’t talk to his dragon whenever they’re “too far apart” (distance never specified) is making me insane. Why did I pick up the dragon riding book if it’s mostly about leaving your dragon locked up at the bike rack

I know Thorn is basically a rescue dog with anxiety, but it bothers me how much he’s left on his own. The narrative just has no idea what to use him for other than speedy transport for the first um… 200 pages, it seems? He’s meant to be his own creature with his own intelligence. He doesn’t go anywhere without Murtagh though. So what is he doing all the time

I think Paolini WANTS his world to be big and mysterious (his introduction literally just keeps saying things in the world of the story are mysterious) but he HAS to keep explaining everything

24 November 2023

I’ve figured out something that annoys me about the world of this book, in terms of just how the worldbuilding is not actually that magical. It has the D&D problem!!! Which is to say that every regular person on earth is Level One and every important character is like, level 12. And part of what makes that even worse is that all women in this world are level zero.

I’ve been watching my friend Chris play the first Alan Wake game and we realised that all the faceless enemies that are possessed by Evil in the game are… working class men. The protagonist is this literate wealthy New York writer who is constantly killing faceless workers—farmers, loggers, coal miners, builders. And that’s not an INTENTIONAL commentary by the game, but it’s very revealing. And This book is the same in that: there is no such thing as a complicated poor person. They’re all either Dirty Evil or Dirty Good. Murtagh is going around, writing poetry in his head and inventing magical computer code, and then every child is an urchin who is like Oi Guvnah, and every dad is gruff, and every woman is worried.

The language used to describe everyone who isn’t a Fighting Man is so demeaning. And even then, we only need to respect the leaders of those men. The leaders are the only ones with depth who might need to be taken seriously.

It’s like Murtagh has a tally in his head where he is going “finally, a guy who is level 6”!

Most people in this world exist to deliver information to the protagonist.

Paolini either thinks his readers are too dumb to understand that his characters exist between scenes, or he doesn’t understand himself that we don’t need to see every time Murtagh enters a city under a new name and how he does it. Or know what he ate for dinner and how he prepared it and where he slept and what he dreamed and, and, and—

It’s weird because Paolini is being self indulgent as fuck but it is NOT fun to read. This dude really just needs to go write a survival story or something… A guy in the woods depending on nothing but his wits and his axe and his beard and his libertarian values

I don’t understand the stakes at play. All the magic scenes with Mind Penetration are so sudden and hard to actually understand as action. And the way it works is about brute force, so the dragon is not going to be at risk of being taken over except by another, even bigger dragon

It would be fun to read the Murtagh city sleuth segments if Thorn was backseat driving a little. I think that their bond should not get thinner over distance. The fact that it does just defeats the point of a magical bond.

Why does the dragon have to stay so far away? Like… it’s established that there’s a spell to conceal a dragon from sight. Dude. You could just go fucking invisible

There’s so many decisions that just are so bonkers to have made. The whole fetch quest for information pissed me off so bad. “You have to join the guard” (40 pages of emotions about uniforms ensue). This guy learned about plots from video games

Paolini had kids apparently, but you can tell he doesn’t really understand kids. “How do they all start out so innocent and pure,” says a man who has never heard a seven year old describe someone being killed by farts before.

The description of Murtagh carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried is very funny. I don’t know if Paolini has ever carried a cat before. If you’re carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried close to your chest, and you tighten your grip when it squirms… say goodbye to your nipples, my man

It’s strange how much Paolini doesn’t explore the things that seem to be the point. FOR EXAMPLE, the fantasy soul bond trope loves to say “even during sex!??! 👀” because it’s about INTIMACY, and some alien presence always being there. The dragon rider trope is popular because dragons are powerful and wise but also Beasts. Magic is fun to read about because it can do things that can’t be explained.

Paolini’s world is big, but nothing in it has any real substance. Nothing in it has any real consequence, and it makes it impossible to really invest in anything that happens. None of these poor city folks have a life once they leave the scene of delivering Murtagh information… or if they are a woman, delivering him a hot meal. There’s no sense of a world that exists outside Murtagh’s point of view!

25 November 2023

The towns so far don’t feel at all distinctive to me! I was interested in the one with the massive lake, but then it having this massive fish in it was the only point of interest. It would be fun to have been like “oh the fish has ruined our summer festival! It’s ruined the nobility pleasure cruises! It’s also eating fishermen!” Or “Why do all these fishing boats have huge spikes on the prow? Well,”

Again, these guys are all level one in peasant dirt town. They have no capacity for individual thought and no ability to adapt.

It’s like Paolini doesn’t know what makes people and places in fantasy feel distinct, or have culture. It’s so evident in how much he HASN’T thought about. For example, the bonkers amount of restrictive gender norms that he doesn’t seem AT ALL CONSCIOUS OF? Everyone who died in the war was A Man. No women died in the war. But that hasn’t resulted in any social changes. There aren’t more women doing work, for example, like being fishermen

I remember being thirteen or so and reading the bit in the second book where Arya explains to Eragon that she’s better and stronger than a human woman, because she is an elf, so Eragon doesn’t have to worry about her in battle. I was this kid there like “man, that sucks. I assume he’s coming back to that assumption later,” and… he never did. He still hasn’t. And that sucks

The dragon riders were not THAT long ago, in the world of these books. It makes me wonder—were none of them human women? I always assumed that some were human women, but… did dragons only choose elf men, elf women, and human men? If they chose human women, then even being accepted into a paramilitary dragon force didn’t change gender expectations in the rest of the world. What the fuck. He’s really never thought about this.

Women keep showing up as cunning-mysterious, as humble dirtmothers, or as innocent children. Oh my god I’m just describing maiden mother crone. That’s all he’s capable of.

I just got up to where he rescues the werecat baby (innocent girl child) and settles in to hear the stories of elder werecat (cunning-mysterious)

I noticed the Arya Problem with how Nasuada is described in this book, too. Every woman has to be the best, most capable, most powerful woman ever, to be worth the attention of The Boys. Otherwise they can’t respect her. Only two literal queens can be considered worthy of just two average guys who got pet lizards. Even then, they’re not actual equals.

“She still empathised for me.” Yes, don’t worry, Murtagh, I remember that’s what women are for.

I should note that the reason Nasuada is considered so powerful and so much worthy of his love and is her strength as a person. This is proven in the Eragon books because “she still empathised” with Murtagh whilst he was medieval torturing her. He was medieval torturing her for like… most of a book and that’s how they fell in love. Because she could see in his eyes that this guy torturing her… was Complicated. He didn’t really WANT to be medieval torturing her so she actually felt worse for him than he felt about how he was (and I can’t stress this enough) medieval torturing her

I just can’t imagine that THE QUEEN OF A WHOLE CONTINENT would still prefer the guy who sadly tortured her. He’s her top preference. Out of EVERY OTHER MAN IN THE WORLD

I put the book down until the day before I was meant to have finished the book for book club:

10 March 2024: from page 274 onwards

The evil witch is called BACHEL?????!!?!??!? Fucking BACHEL. Pronounced “buh-SHELL”, the guide at the back says. You changed one letter in Rachel, don’t lie to me Paolini

I got so mad being reminded the evil king Galbatorix was defeated by “Eragon forcing empathy upon him” so that he magically exploded himself out of guilt that I had to put the book down and complain to Charlie for five straight minutes

I guess that’s why Galbatorix made Murtagh torture Nasuada for him. He knew that if he’d done it himself she would have empathised with him too hard and he would’ve exploded himself

Murtagh has never met a single person he has respected. Murtagh is the specialest boy in all the land. Eragon had to leave the country because they were both too special to share a continent

Murtagh decided on where to go and he was immediately surrounded by armed guards who took him to where the plot was

Paolini uses the fucking word “admixed” while discussing EATING A PIE. The flavours admixed in his mouth. Just because you know a word… doesn’t mean it’s a word to deploy about eating a pie

I HATE how the only people strong enough to do the strongest magic are Elves Or Human Riders. It’s fucking magic my guy! Why is it checking your goddamn DNA! Also, hey! Wasn’t it supposed to come down to the strongest wizards being the guys who ate the most for lunch?

In a world of Magic how come every wizard battle ultimately comes down to who is a better Professor X?? I came here for fireballs, not Mind Battles. I don’t care about your Mental Wards

Hahaha Murtagh!!! Get trapdoored, bitch!!!!

Dragon panic attacks: conceptually cool but a bit ?? Like ah… the plot literally comes to scoop him up and carry him away. Yet again something outside of Murtagh makes a decision for him about what to do next

Murtagh’s poetry is going to make me explode myself like Galbatorix in book 4

If there’s something I like about this book so far it’s just the bits where he and Thorn are camping. Not flying, because then Murtagh is using the time to think and that’s horrible. The bits where they make campfires or whatever feel like something is actually happening. A guy and his dragon hanging out

Man. The way this novel is plotted really reminds me that it’s not actually that hard to write a book.

Murtagh goes to the evil village (oh yeah there’s an evil village. It is where Bachel lives. She is evil because she does magic without using the magic language). The village is called:

NAL GORGOTH

But I couldn’t remember this so I kept referring to it in my head by another, more familiar, name

Murtagh is so freaked out by finding a village with architecture that he doesn’t recognise. He’s like “My god!!! Nasuada has to be warned!!!” Ok but about what??? New ways of building pillars???? The art deco movement threatens the land??

Kinda fascinated by how much this village represents a threat to CULTURE. The architecture, the people… Everything about it so far is designed to be A Foreign Threat. The inhabitants are Of All Races (except elves they are too cool too pure etc). The humans have A VARIETY OF SKIN COLOURS, which memorably never happens in Alagaesia, a continent once explicitly described in the Eragon books as only having two (2) black people on it at all (then one died) (the other is Nasuada) (the one who died was her dad)

This guy with a goatee isn’t quite human. He is maybe part urgal and he is so uncomfortable to look at! Mainly he has arms that are a bit too long!! Bachel isn’t a human and also isn’t an elf, and that’s also deeply unsettling.

Bachel also fundamentally represents a threat to THE STRUCTURING POWER OF LANGUAGE, huh??

Bachel is so far the most interesting character in the book!

Bachel has: ALMOND EYES and AMBER SKIN

Murtagh is so upset and confused when Bachel calls him “my son” like… I’m cryign. “But she’s not my mother! I know my mother!!” he thinks, in a panic.

If this was a fantasy novel written twenty to thirty years ago, then the sexual tension between Murtagh and Bachel would be absolutely insane. Alas, this is a world of abstinence, and sexuality is only ever meaningful looks between a queen and the guy who tortured her (it is weird how he keeps caressing Nasuada’s face on the gold coins)

It’s very funny that Bachel has specifically fourteen warriors. The prose keeps telling us that there’s fourteen of them. So you get Murtagh stepping forwards and then sentences like “the fourteen warriors attending Bachel shifted”

She seems like a perfectly normal cult leader to me? Why is she automatically a threat to Nasuada! How come the two of them can’t arrange a toxic political marriage that becomes… something more 😉😉😉

Nothing annoys me more in this book than Murtagh being able to identify specific vintages of wine. It keeps happening and it pisses me off

Bachel is a half elf!!! “It had never occurred to him that such a thing might be possible.” This is truly and absolutely unbelievable to me. Nobody in this world ever has sex

How did it take so long to get to such an objectively cool village!!! Like this is just a cool place!!! Sorry that Nar Nar Goon is evil but like FINALLY something has style

Three thoughts at once:

I’m so bored that Paolini’s mind can’t get more interesting than temple virgins, let alone wearing white to represent ritualistic purity. Like… nobody in this world fucks anyway, why does it matter!

Murtagh should also wear white all the time

Lesbianism doesn’t count as a violation of being temple chosen. Alín is wearing lesbianism

Paolini has never once written a woman who is Normal. He just can’t conceive of it. You can feel how he starts sweating.

Murtagh finally realised it was a cult. What sets it apart as a cult is that the followers appear to be “half-wits” to him

I’m going to detransition to break his fucking neck

Paolini has learned nothing since he had a woman deliver the exact same line in like 2008. The fact that another editor just thumbsed this up. The fact that this is in a book published in 2023. Well, now I’m REALLY embarking on an antagonistic reading: that’s right, I am reading women as capable.

Obsessed with Bachel. She is a girlboss and I’m a feminist xxx

Book is constantly weird about how much she is capable of eating and drinking at her feasts and how it makes her appear swollen and bloated etc etc. Murtagh is so weirded out by this because he feels it is unfeminine… as though she is not a witch and we weren’t told earlier that how much magic you have is directly equal to how much you eat. (Meanwhile he is only picking at his food and eating just enough of it ‘to be polite’ as though this is not making a decision to have less magic than her)

She has so much charisma compared to anyone else in the book. If my choices are her or Murtagh then sign me up boys!!!

Okay but much like how this would’ve been a VERY charged relationship 30 years ago, I’m weirdly disappointed Bachel she isn’t not described as megahot? Like the book keeps telling me about this virginal templemaiden or whatever, because Murtagh is only attracted to women he can rescue. But I’m actually just like… I think this woman is hot. Tell me more about her. It’s wild that this book is written by a guy like Paolini, who told me all about Oromis’ pubic hair in 2008, and who barely thinks women are people. Yet he doesn’t want to discuss her tiddies?

This book could, and should! have started when Murtagh landed his dragon in the evil village of Nar Nar Goon. That’s the point that stuff got actually interesting. Everything before this was literally video game fetch quest logic plotting that earned him the right to fly to Nar Nar Goon.

Boar hunt. More like BORED hunt. And then suddenly there are so many pigs, a comical number of them flying everywhere

This motherfucker using the phrase “the boar was lying athwart him” in a sentence in an action scene????

Murtagh is nearly dead and the boar is lying athwart him?

I’m going back in time and bullying the author at school

RIP Murtagh, trambled to death by 30-50 wild hogs

Oh god every time someone knocks Murtagh out he has a vision or a bad dream or a flashback or whatever and it’s so tiring

“EXISTENCE WAS A TOMB WHEREIN THE SINS OF THE PAST LAID INTERRED???” Do you ever read a sentence that sounds so much like the author is jerking it? “All had been lost, and there before him lay the instrument of their destruction” he is furiously jerking it oh my god. “Destroyer of hope, eater of light” oh, god, he’s still going

…This book is. Weird about mothers

Murtagh flies into a rage because Bachel mercy killed a guy who was dying bc of boar trampling because “I COULD HAVE HEALED HIM!!!!!” And the mercy killing is proof it is a cult. Because doing it Bachel’s way meant the guy was too relaxed and at peace when he died

Paolini’s family were in a cult, as I understand. So it’s kind of weird how much he doesn’t really understand how being in a cult works

I don’t really remember how religion works in this world, but I do remember tuning out of a long boring passage in book 2 or 3 where Eragon learned about all the gods and decided he was an atheist. It’s especially weird to be like “holy shit, an EVIL religion??!” In a book where religion has absolutely never come up before now

Oh my god, Alìn was whipped for being ‘too familiar’ with Murtagh!!! That’s because she’s so pure and a helpless victim girl in all white :’((

In my mind Bachel and Alìn COULD be in a fucked up lesbian relationship with bad BDSM etiquette. Of course Paolini can’t imagine a world where women have enough personality or agency to fall in toxic love with each other. Also even though he has people tied up and strapped down and whipped and being tortured etc in every book don’t think he knows that BDSM like. Exists. Boooooo

Murtagh: killing one guy who is dying of a punctured lung is the ultimate evil!

Also Murtagh: I know an invisibility spell, but to sneak out of my room I am going to suffocate seven men to death

Genuinely upsetting to read those men dying. He made it impossible for air to enter or exit their lungs with a word. Veins popping clawing at faces etc. God, what a way to go. So unnecessarily cruel. Yep, there goes the good guy

The main way the village is evil is that there are unsettling carvings everywhere. Paolini read some Lovecraft, but he did not understand what was up with it. Or maybe he did, because this book did get a lot more weird about Racial Purity once Murtagh arrived in Lovecraft Village

11 March 2024

There’s a bloodstain that “filled Murtagh with the apprehension of evil” and it confused me because these books are so gory. Earlier he killed four men with a fork. But like oh yeah I guess it’s because when Murtagh murders people now it’s bloodless. I guess. His murders are good you see

This chapter is called The Bad Sleep-Well you can tell Paolini thought he was a real genius for this one

Okay but why are there bats… roosting… in a cave… at night. And why is Murtagh worried that red light will risk waking them? Animals cannot see red light?? SOME FARM BOY YOU ARE, PAOLINI

Okay I have to stop nitpicking. I have to restrain myself until my Vyvanse kicks in

“Murtagh felt a sense of not just age but antiquity. Whoever had built the stairs had done so long before Alagaesia had been a settled place. What was it Bachel had said? That the cultists had lived in Nal Gorgoth since before elves were elves... He was starting to think she had told the truth.”

Sorry uhhhh, Alagaesia was settled?? When they talk about The Grey Ones, are they talking about a race PRIOR TO COLONISATION?????????

“He continued forward. Deeper into the womb of the earth. Deeper into the black unknown, seeking, seeking, always seeking a farther shore, every sense razor-sharp and razor-scraped, skin all goosefleshed, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck and gathering around his belted waist.”

God it’s so overwrought...

He found the well!!

Oh my god. The well is a natural magic hotspot and that means it “wasn’t the sort of thing that the Draumar ought to have dominion over.” It’s a natural resource???

“Not that he would want Du Vrangr Gata to assume control over such an important location either. This was exactly what the Riders had been created for: to oversee and mediate that which could destabilize the land.”

Murtagh is going to bring democracy to the Middle East

He’s too scared to mentally contact his dragon with Bachel around. If he was a proper horse girl he would find a way

Oh Galbatorix BECAME evil because he met Bachel and she manipulated him. Haha oh dear. No, you can’t just come to the conclusion the dragon rider paramilitary force who controls the resources are bad on your own. Not just because they sent you into the mountains when they knew it was dangerous and wanted to find out if you’d be killed up there! No, a manipulation had to have happened

It’s funny to me that the evil ancient witch queen who lives in seclusion in the mountains uses the new name for the city of Uru’baen. Oh no, she knows it as Ilirea. She’s hundreds and hundreds of years old. You know what that is? Evidence of Find And Replace, to me.

Bachel’s eyes are “glowing with fevered ecstasy.” I could make her feel that way. Also. Because, I know about sex

Always with the fucking passing out at the end of the chapter for Christopher James Paolini

NOW Bachel is being described appropriately as a hottie. FINALLY. GOD! It only took Murtagh being mind controlled in his brain but I. I!!! I could see the glorious light of truth!!

“He followed, dumb and wildered.” Well, not as much as that sentence. (You can be bewildered. But can you ever just be wildered????)

The dedication to making Murtagh the most pitiful little meow meow in existence in the Galbatorix flashbacks I’m… what happened to the joys of a guy who is evil because he was convinced or was tricked, not because he was fully brain abused???

The Urgals are racially… uncomfortable. Yellow eyes and Murtagh just straight up saying “how do you speak English”

The evil guys have masks and they put them on and like channel the animals the masks are of and on one hand it’s an idea I THINK is cool but also combined with the everything it really has this “tribal stuff is threatening” vibe all over it

“What do you want, witch?”

“I want you.”

Obsessed with how he’s shackled to a table and there’s still an incredible lack of sexual energy to this scene. This is like a day at the office for both of them.

… oh, but she is wearing claws and claws DOES equal a threat of penetration. Maybe a little sexual? As a treat??

Him being tortured reminds him of torturing Nasuada. Wow, it was their first date!

It’s just like. It’s fucked up imo. She should never kiss you Murtagh!!!

Is anything more boring than a torture scene.

Also, was he not drugged right before this scene? How is he able to mentally evade her and power his wards etc?

I’m mad that when he’s brought fancy foods by Alìn he doesn’t share his food with Ubek the Urgal

Oh my god Ubek tells him a story where the moral is just him outright saying at the end, “it’s important to stay close to the people we care for, even if we don’t always fit in so easily” lmao. Subtlety of a mallet

Is anything more boring than a torture scene? How about a torture chapter!!!1!1!1!

This chapter is interminable. Oh my god.

Oh, so we did all that and he gives in I guess. I can’t believe how little agency this man has had throughout this book????

Haha oh my god, Bachel is studying his nude and compliant body in front of her court. Telling him to turn around so she can inspect his back (no mention of his ass even though it is out, tragic). Fucking love it. Now that’s bdsm. Pledging my allegiance to her instantly.

I am BORED. I liked when he was at least doing things of his own volition!

He flies his dragon off on Bachel’s orders and we get the line “Never had air smelled so… so… delicious.” Cryign

GASP he’s killed… CHILDREN!!!!!!! I hate how it only becomes horrifying for him to have done these murders once he realises they’re HUMAN children. Urgal children? The implication is that would’ve been a bit tacky but ultimately fine

Prison brothers blood pact. I feel so little about this. Ubek is 5000x more interesting than Murtagh but he’s been slotted into what is unfortunately a sort of magical indigenous person trope but where instead of being a human being, he is an orc. Which makes the whole trope much worse

Murtagh touched Alìn’s face… gasp! She’s been corrupted by the Touch Of A Man!!!!! (I do not care about this.)

(I care a little. For example she didn’t touch HIM. He just reached out and she didn’t pull away. This is the biggest decision about this character’s life, and she isn’t even allowed to be the one who makes it. He decides on her behalf, and she must be okay with it. Because she doesn’t pull away or fight him off.)

(Also Paolini doesn’t seem to be aware that ‘a woman who has been pledged not to be touched by a man’ would um. USUALLY be understood by a reader as euphemistic. Not that her purity could be forever ruined by a man literally just touching her face)

The way Paolini fills Murtagh’s brainwashed dialogue with oops all ellipses makes me want to tear the book apart with my teeth

Worst: how Grieve the guy who is part urgal is perpetually referred to as “heavy-browed.” “the heavy-browed Grieve” I’m sorry but I missed phrenology school, is that bad??

Also if he’s maybe part Urgal but Murtagh is now given a chance to making it clear that some of his best friends are urgals... Why is Grieve so distastefully described? What’s wrong with being half urgal? My suspicion: it’s the bloodlines intermingling

I suspect I can just skip every fucking dream sequence and flashback. Nothing of any value in these

This one guy, Lyreth, who trapdoored Murtagh for 2.5 seconds ages ago in the book, is TWICE referenced as holding/ touching the waists of “village” or “cultist” women in his dialogue tags. That’s the full extent of it. It’s not that there’s a giggling tavern girl sprawled in his lap while he’s speaking. These faceless women are exclusively sketched into existence by how a named male character’s hand is on their waist. We don’t know anything about how they are responding to his touch, which is extra in-your-face considering that Murtagh just obliterated a woman’s ritual purity by touching her face without asking. And it’s only ever these women’s waist. It’s not their hips or thighs or boobs. He’s not kissing their necks. I’m sure in Paolini’s mind this guy touching women’s waists is meant to read as sexual, which is supposed to reinforce that he’s a scumbag… but it doesn’t work because it’s so impersonal. These women are just… unmoving waists that he is just touching. It serves as a good illustration of how women—and sex and sexuality and bodies—are handled in these books. Men are never ruled by their strong and muscular bodies. Men have minds, and magic, and telepathy battles. Even when Murtagh is on a torture table or when he’s naked in front of a powerful woman who is actively inspecting his body, he doesn’t feel vulnerable. He doesn’t have an ass or a dick. The wind doesn’t make him shiver. He’s just a Mind. But women, well. They only have bodies when men touch them. The course of Alin’s life is defined by Murtagh’s touch, and even Nasuada, a fucking queen, only gets physical description via the coins Murtagh has in his possession and his memory of the cuts and bruises he left on her body. And women also have no minds—unless they’re werecats or elves or half elves, the only kind of woman who are remotely threatening, the only kind of women who are “as good as” the baseline of human men. Nasuada is proven as Murtagh’s equal because she was able to overcome the torture of her body. If he hadn’t tortured her, or if she had broken down, she wouldn’t have proven herself worthy of being his romantic partner.

Eragon’s romantic interest also started out being tortured. Not by him, but “girl who is tortured but is too strong to give up her secrets” was her entire characterisation for a book and a half, until he rescued her. That’s uh. That’s how you find girlfriends who are good enough for your protagonists.

THESE FUCKING BOOKS.

Bachel has put Thorn in a special wrought iron muzzle. Yet again, this is just objectively cool

We learn about who the cult worships: evil dragon underground. He makes fumes come out of the earth and they brainwash people and give them visions. He will come out of the ground and eat the sun unless every living thing worships him.

Really Bachel is not leading a cult she is leading an environmental rescue mission. Quick we gotta get everyone to worship this evil dragon STAT, or he’s going to wipe out all life on earth.

Why does an evil dragon living under the earth with the power to eat the sun (?!??!) actually want or need to be worshipped by “every living thing”. What is his motivation?? And why would that stop him eating the sun?

“The sculptures would have horrified most any artist in Alagaesia, no matter their race.” Mark this down as one of the worst sentences he has written yet!!

I realise now I’ve been misremembering multiple main characters’ names

I like Bachel telling Thorn to stay, like he’s a dog. That’s good to me

Murtagh is learning about the power of friendship to heal himself last minute, I guess

Why is Murtagh pausing to duel fucking Lyreth, the most boring man in the world. Is it because of the waists he touched??? I have never felt this man was worth any time at all

NOT Paolini specifically pointing out that Lyreth “smelled of a cloying peach scented perfume” and that he’s physically weaker than Murtagh as Murtagh overcomes him. Lyreth was too feminine to be strong, in the end

This book is obsessed with the word “youngling.” Murtagh says to Thorn “don’t kill any younglings.” He’s fighting Lyreth but he’s not worried because he himself is “no longer a youngling”. Fucking fuck off! just say youth. Child. Kid. Teenager even!! Come on!!

Murtagh going “this is taking too long” in the duel: me at the whole book thus far

“Is wrong-think to worship Bachel or Azlagur,” says Ubek. This is real dialogue in a book published in real 2023. Oh yeah btw everything he says is written like this

Oh, the urgal’s size and brute strength makes him Murtagh’s equal. I see

Grieve is legitimately yelling “kill the non-believers!!” and calling them desecrators??? Cartoon hours

To start winning the fight, all Murtagh had to do was find his magic sword! It stores all his potency and he inherited it from his father. Freud?? Don’t worry about it

The cultists are bleeding green blood???? Does this mean they’re not human or is it the lighting or what.

Groups of dragons are always being described as a Thunder Of. They’re only ever being described in visions but it’s always being described as “a thunder of dragons”, because Paolini is very proud of inventing his very own collective noun for dragons I guess

Buncha little pasty freaks showing up.

Murtagh’s ultimate challenge: he has to fight one hundred gollums

Paolini inventing new guys for his dungeon at unprecedented rates

Murtagh is legitimately busy trying to think of new names for his sword NOW?? He is just going to stop in the middle of this urgent fight to go find where the bad woman (Bachel) took the good woman (Alìn) to go “my sword has a bad name. It could have a good name.” Did he not have time while he was mouldering in the dungeon to think about this

He’s checking his compendium, like in video games.

Books have never been worse. If Murtagh/Paolini calls this sword Scar I will legitimately never know peace

Oh the sword is called Freedom now. Get it? Like America? It’s the most important value??

“Seeing the armor, Murtagh realized that the leather garb the cultists had donned for the festival of black smoke had been made to resemble Bachel's fantastic suit.”

what a sentence

This is the worst

I hate how her spear has a name and a dramatic history. Like come on

Fucking mind battles again

Alin is just… I’m sorry to her, but she’s not a real person. She’s a cardboard cutout in distress

The final boss fight should not be taking place in the magical world of the mind

Now she’s calling him “infidel?” Okay

The ultimate battle: the structuring power of masculine language versus the primeval chaos of raw women’s emotion!!! Who will win!! Hint: Christopher Paolini wrote this!

“She seemed merely a woman again.”

‘Merely’ is how Paolini always describes women (when he thinks they’re worth describing of course)

Wait… is the only reason Bachel has been intimidating REALLY just because she’s been channelling a tough evil boy dragon? Once the mask is gone and he’s not empowering her… she’s merely…

I’m going to kick Christopher Paolini’s fucking ass

Murtagh feels so emotionally close to Bachel. As he splits her skull. Normal book

For real why were ALL the Riders so afraid of Bachel??? The gas fumes? Face masks not invented?? This seems pretty easy to solve like if they’d just. Sent more than one guy?

He passes out and the chapter ends of course. Then he wakes up in the city

Ah, Alin is blonde and blue eyed. She was a pale skinned virgin who needed rescuing from an evil and also foreign almond eyed amber skinned woman who was whipping her. You know how it goes

I hate how Alìn always calls Murtagh “my lord.” She’s like one of those medieval fighting game banners of a sexy woman. She’s a cartoon.

Isn’t it a shame that when Murtagh hastily gets out of bed to bow to Nasuada he is wearing pants. So much funnier if he wasn’t

I’m so over this book holy shit

Oh, for being the apparently only sole survivor of Murtagh’s obliteration of her cult and everything she’s ever known, Alìn is being promoted to… Nasuada’s maid. That’s not what she asked for. That’s just what she’s being told she’s going to do from now on. Fucking hell.

Nasuada is Jealous of this blonde woman and I was afraid for her because Nasuada is also famously the only black woman on the continent. But of course she has nothing to fear because only the most powerful woman in the land could ever be remotely Murtagh’s equal, which she proved by being stronger at being tortured than him

She asks him to stay and she touches his hand just lightly

The END??

They don’t even kiss?!!!?!! I had to read it twice to be sure. SEXLESS BOOK.

[dandyshucks]

realizing i wanted to ask - how did u first fall in love w/ guzma (irl) ? :o (@dmclr)

ougghh (/happy) Clara you always ask such good questions omg 🫶

umm... okay so. i should give a general "abuse CW" label i guess fjfkdl but I'll keep it vague and to a minimum of mention! also putting it below the cut because I RAMBLED SO MUCH, SORRY IN ADVANCE

tumblr kind of went crazy for the guy when the anime finally introduced him in 2019 (it took SO long to get to him, over 100 episodes in the su/mo arc 😭) and at first i didnt think much of him rly, but then somehow eventually (a few months later) i found out through osmosis that he's got trauma going on and my ears kind of perked up a bit LOL

(underwater just to set it apart from the rest of the post so it doesnt blend in and get confusing fndkdl) screenshot of the post i rbed where i first mentioned liking him fdsjkl

around the same time, i was having some realizations about my own experiences with childhood and family etc, and there was some other stuff going on in my life (also. the plague started so uh. that too.) that was just kind of culminating in like. A Lot of stress and fear and stuff. so seeing this character who has experienced somewhat similar things was ... comforting in a way? shared experience or something, idk. plus I've always been a sucker for misfit archetype characters, especially if they make a little family out of other misfits :')

another big part of the intrigue (because my crushes always start with a sort of 👀 phase fdsjkl, I have to think somebody is interesting in some way and want to find out More about them, and then feelings develop from there) for me was just the fact that he was Angry. like... the way I've personally learned to deal w abuse has been to always be meek and fawn. so seeing someone who went in the opposite direction, to become angry and strong and defiant instead, was SO fascinating to me and I was very curious to learn more about him.

so I looked into him more, loved what i found, related to him a bit, accidentally by some random occurrence stumbled upon some bf audios of him somehow??, wished he were real so we could hang out, thought about how I'd act around him and started to feel a little flustered about it ... it's all downhill from there once u reach that point smh 😔😔 (/silly)

for a long time i didn't really fully step into s.elfship territory w him - i dabbled a little but he wasnt The Focus™ in my brain yet. also we (as a system) have had a host change since then, so there was a previous juno that was not Me (even though we kept the same main name between us two parts), and they didn't like the guy as much as Current Me does djfkdl - theres also some ... relatively significant personality differences between the two versions of Juno, so I think Juno2.0 (me) meshes with him a lot better now than Juno1.0 did in 2020/2021

and then last year, i found and joined the s.elfship community and um. I absolutely did not mean for him to become The Main Guy and never would've guessed he would be, but... well,, we dont always plan things i suppose, feelings just happen 😭

anyways. it maybe seems kind of messed up but his ~tragic backstory~ is what drew me in initially bc it helped me feel less alone and scared when i was Going Through some pretty major shit lol. and then after that, i just kind of took the character base that pkmn had in place and ran with it to build on it and sort of make my own version of him that I could be friends with and eventually fell in love with ^^;;

TL;DR it was a mix of timing, similar history of abuse, intrigue bc of our opposite reactions to the abuse, and um... the way he is like,, strong and builds a safe place for other young ppl who feel unsafe or not accepted in general society fdsjkl

i get embarrassed talking abt it bc ppl seem to really hate it when abuse victims are weak in any way and need help, but ... i do really like that he is strong in some ways and would be able to give me a sort of safe place to let my guard down and receive help and care (as shown by the way he provides a safe place for the grunts, all the misfits and outcasts of Alola) ^^;;;; honestly kind of a Big part of it for me (and for pretty much all my s.elfship dynamics) is that he is able to protect me and care for me, because I have not like. experienced that ever. at least not properly. when your parents are the ones being abusive, you not only do not experience protection and care but you're also being actively hurt in some way by the people who are supposed to keep you safe. so to be freely given care and safety is kind of crazyyyy to me LOL, that is something i like a lot about him :')

OKAY RAMBLE OVER. i really tried to keep this as short as i could but,, brevity is not a strength of mine (esp when it comes to him) LOL. THANK YOU for the question !!! its fun to look back at how it all happened tbh :]

[cilant-lis]

rhian's time in dao pt.2

i can't stop myself from imagining just how gorgeous denerim would look if origins ever got remastered....

wahoo, romance with leli unlocked! i love her so much. kissing her in camp, kissing her in denerim, kissing her on a random battlefield, kissing her in front of the corpse of brother genitivi's assistant

perfect timing for the ghoul tamlen encounter :') on the way to the temple of sacred ashes and right after locking in leliana's romance, just as rhian got a tiny sliver of happiness, wham, gutpunch! (oh how i wish there was more companion reactivity, maybe even a cutscene of tamlen's funeral? i have to do everything myself smh)

respeccing rhian as dex dual wielding warrior because of story reasons (definitely not because i hate playing warriors)

i forgot how creepyy haven is. and how the inquisition decided to settle on top of the said freaky place.

more delicious angst for rhian with the guardian's test, but also some closure at last with the spirit-tamlen somewhat alleviating their survivor's guilt

at the urn of sacred ashes: leliana having a deep religious experience while morrigan, zevran and rhian are like 'wow, a vase....'

ugh eamon. hate that guy

off we go to orzammar and deep roads! first time going there with rhian. they're going to hate all the politics stuff sooo much

choosing the 'give me my troops' option every single conversation. i think rhian would support bhelen not because they care about his politics, but because they found bhelen less annoying than harrowmont

i think the most world-changing decision in the entire game is giving leliana a nug. in this essay i will-

bless the faster moving speed mod, breezed through the deep roads while still getting the lovely, creeping dread atmosphere <3

speaking of creepy, somehow i remember the boobmother broodmother fight being much harder. it took less than five minutes now, even though i'm playing on hard. honestly the stupid road to the anvil of the void took more time

cairdin :( i regret not bringing shale to the quest i gotta look up its dialogue during the quest

wahoo, congrats on the coronation bhelen. NOW GIVE ME MY TROOPS

back to denerim we go, and wouldn't you know it, another crash...

two elves and a mage walk into arl of denerim's estate, somehow no one bats an eye, until the arl is killed and all his prisoners are freed (except for vaughan, rest in piss)

captured! my favourite quest! this time i had rhian break out on their own and it was sooo funny. didn't expect being able to seduce the guard with my 'male' warden, but we honestly the unnamed guard is a bicon

doing the alienage quest and i'm wondering, how long ago did the riots take place? and was it during this uprising that the orphanage was wiped out? idk if i'm conflating the two but it really doesn't add up? the corpses are all bones inside, and the beggar outside of the orphanage is an adult? i guess i need to replay the tabris origin for a refresher

love how blase eamon is about what happened in the alienage. shame we can't kill the guy

i'm a queen anora truther, and nothing will ever change that. i'm tempted to play a cousland just so i can marry her <3

landsmeet cutscene is so great for screenshots, i can't concentrate on what is actually being said lmao. i briefly thought of conscripting loghain, but taking roleplaying into account, i don't think rhian would forgive him for what he did in the alienage. (and by now they no longer see being a warden as a punishment)

rhian entering their absent parent era... such an icon (WHY can't we discuss this with our love interest??? blease let me tell leliana and alistair at least) and in the wonderful version of dragon age that exists in my head, morrigan and rhian perform a blood magic ritual instead of boning

the final goodbyes with the companions ;_;

gods, i hate the final battle drag. just teleport me to the archdemon

rhian is my special little guy and they got the final blow animation on the archdemon AND the cutscene (even though in my worldstate they're not even the one to kill it but oh well)

wish the boon the warden chooses had some sort of an impact in the later games... the dalish getting a chunk of land in ferelden is kind of significant, isn't it

after the game, rhian visits their clan (the half of it which remained in ferelden) with leliana, and finally has a brief moment of respite, even if it's only a week. after that, they travel to weisshaupt to get officially recognised as the warden-commander (and in my canon worldstate report on alvea's 'death') and eventually return to ferelden

[the-ebonarm]

clown bastard glamour shot

[pathetic-gamer]

And that concludes Verdant Wind maddening mode/classic/no NG+ We did it! Gold screen!!

[The only reason this took 24 turns is that I spent 10 full turns parked on a stronghold trying to make Nemesis break his sword bc I thought it would be funny. He did, and it was. Ingrid final MVP yet again - i now have final MVP screens for her from every route but CF lol]

Once I got through the first few two chapters, this was significantly less challenging than I had expected. The final map was just as hard as AM, which is to say, not hard.

Run summary and some final thoughts (including some VW vs Silver Snow ~discourse~) below the cut <3

Making everyone fight their zombies was fun, and I did manage to get some crit/crest/signature art combos, too! Took clips of it, I'll put them together someday probably. The only hard part was wasting so much time trying to get people in the right position to fight their zombies at all (looking at you, Mercedes).

Fraldarius vs Fraldarius was a sight to behold, tbh. They both activated their crests almost every attack but also both consistently either dodged or proc'd aegis - even survived a crit through aegis - so it took four rounds of combat. (And NO, no one else was allowed to help. This was Felix's fight and his alone, ok.) Being a melodramatic bastard in combat must run in the family. I wrote a fic about it lol.

Units, classes, items:

Felix actually used a sword for most of this battle, I just happened to have the bow equipped when I took the screenshot. Also, they didn't all actually use their relics for the majority of the battle. Mostly silver weapons or the legendary forged ones. ALSO also, Leonie is actually a sniper, I had to restart bc I forgot I had reclassed her during some auxiliary battles.

I feel like I finally understand firsthand why crests make the nobility lol Leonie was the only person on the team without a crest, and I actively missed it. Constantly disappointed by the lack of a fun little glowing shape smh

Final pairings:

m!Byleth/Linhardt

Claude/Marianne

Hilda/Balthus

Lysithea/Cyril

Leonie/Seteth

Catherine/Shamir

Felix/Annette

Mercedes/Sylvain

Ingrid/Yuri

Dorothea/Petra (no, I didn't use either of them for a single battle, I just made them eat lunch together until they fell in love ok thank u bye)

Overall MVP: It was surprisingly even across the board, but ultimately Annette took it, winning by two over Sylvain and Lysithea, who were tied.

Highlight: Gronder Field, where I successfully made Edelgard kill Dimitri so I wouldn't have to.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON STORY + SILVER SNOW COMPARISONS: (warning you now, this is really long)

Verdant Wind's story actually falls flat sometimes, man. Things like Edelgard’s death scene stick out like a sore thumb, they so obviously belong to a different story (*cough cough* silver snow). What if instead, we got some final dialogue between her and Claude where he says he could have worked with her? He explicitly said earlier that he thinks they actually have similar goals.

(It also would have made the TWSITD reveal more interesting ["Edelgard, bestie, rethink this. We both want to free people from prejudice and discrimination, we can work together." "Surprise, bitch, I wasn't doing this on my own, the whole thing was manufactured by these secret baddies." "Girl help, I've been underestimating the depth of the secrets of this world."])

Idk, I still like it but there's something to be said about how much was taken from Silver Snow and vice versa and where they REALLY belong. When I finally played Silver Snow, after having already played VW, I was like "ohhhhhhh this makes sense now" about so many things. I'm actually of the opinion that VW is reusing story from Silver Snow more than the other way around. In fact, think Nemesis would have been an appropriate penultimate boss for Silver Snow (penultimate bc lets be honest, hes not designed like a final boss. I literally fucked around and made him lose his battalion and break his sword, just for fun. He's just a normal map boss. Kinda boring.).

What they SHOULD have done is turned Thales into a final boss for Claude so that TWSITD actually do feel like the ultimate baddies theyre supposed to be. He could even turn himself into a big cool monster like Edelgard does in AM!!

And I do love the final boss in Silver Snow, I think it's what really makes the story hit. You sided with the church specifically to save Rhea from Edelgard, only to end up having to fight her anyway! You fight the people who want nothing more than to kill Rhea, only to have to kill her yourself! You finally learn the truth of the destruction of the Nabateans, only to have to pit them against each other! Gorgeous!!!!

So heres my ultimate proposal for Silver Snow: Claude helps draw troops away from the great bridge of myrrdin, as is canon. You actually do try to help Dimitri at Gronder, but you get there too late to save him. You defeat the empire, then they give you the info about TWSITD. You defeat Nemesis. Seiros goes berserk, and you fight her as the real final boss.

For Verdant Wind: All the same, except Thales is the actual final boss. The End.

Okay that's all thanks for reading love you bye xoxo

[ramen-rambles]

Quid Pro Quo

Pairing: Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

Warnings: 18+, mutual masturbation, suggestive texts 

Word Count: 2.7K

Summary: From being a total stranger you met on a dead Discord server, to literally becoming one of your best friends — Kirishima was one of the most amazing things to ever happen in your life. But what happens when you accidentally screenshot his nudes?!

A/N: My first BNHarem server collab! I was really close to naming this fic Penis Pals, if I’m being honest LOL It’s a lot shorter than I wanted but I hope I did my baby justice. Thank you to my fellow Bakugou Fanclub members for hyping me up and helping me edit this piece. I literally couldn’t have done it without you guys, ILYSM! Read all the other amazing fics in this collab, here.

Taglist: @lady-bakuhoe @bratwritings @redbeanteax

♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。.

Ever since you were in high school, you had always looked up to Crimson Riot — a pro hero who’s strong, manly, and fearless. I mean, who wouldn’t like him? Now that you were in college, there have been many other heroes worthy of being called the best, but Crimson Riot was still going to be Number 1 in your eyes. So, to pay homage to your all time favorite hero, you decided to join a Crimson Riot Discord server. 

You had started looking for any server invites through all platforms of social media. Google, Twitter, Tumblr, but nothing came up. You had started to lose hope, until you stumbled upon a very old server link on an equally old Reddit thread. You looked at the date it was posted and it seemed to have been made all the way back when you were in high school. You clicked on the link hesitantly, definitely not expecting it to work. However, much to your surprise, the link brought you straight to the server! 

“Finally! Something that actually fucking worked!” You thought to yourself, after hours of scrolling though numerous pages of the internet. 

You were a bit hesitant at first, not really knowing what to expect. Were people going to think you were weird for being such a nerd? What if people thought you were annoying? Or worse, what if no one liked you? 

But that didn’t seem to be much of a problem… Considering that the server was rather dead. 

You clicked through the channels — #general, #merch, #photos, #announcements; the last time anyone really said anything was nearly six months ago. “God dammit.” You should have known. All you wanted was a place to fangirl over Crimson Riot, was that too much to ask for?! You got all your hopes up, just for it to all come crashing down. Feeling a bit dejected, it seemed like you had no choice but to leave the server. Not like there was much of a point in staying anyways. 

But then you saw a notification pop up on your screen.

RED RIOT [Today at 7:56 PM] 

@Y/N Hey! How are you doing? I’m the admin for this Crimson Riot Discord. The name’s Kirishima. It’s nice to see a fresh face here :^) 

Y/N [Today at 7:56 PM] 

Oh hi! I’m doing good! I found your discord link on a really old Reddit thread so forgive me for asking but… Is this server still active? I was scrolling through the channels and everything seemed kind of dead tbh LOL

RED RIOT [Today at 7:57 PM]

Well, if I’m being honest, it’s fucking dead LMAO 

Y/N [Today at 7:57 PM]

F

RED RIOT [Today at 7:58 PM]

It used to be pretty active before but people just kind of... stopped. I made this server back when I was in high school because I just LOVED Crimson Riot so much, ya know? He was the one person I really looked up to. Anyways, how did you even find this link? You must have looked real hard LOL

Y/N [Today at 7:58 PM]

HAHA I did, actually! Took me for-fucking-ever to find a server link that actually worked :( I’ve looked up to him since I was a kid too and so I really just wanted a place to express my gratitude for the role he played in my life. Sorry LOL I’m getting cheesy 

RED RIOT [Today at 7:59 PM]

Well Y/N, I’m glad you found this server! You sound like a really great person and I’d love nothing more than to talk to you about our shared love for Crimson Riot, but this server is whack as fuck. Are you down to move to DMs instead?

Y/N [Today at 8:01 PM]

Fuck it. Why not? 

You and Kirishima had been talking for a while now. Ever since you came across his Crimson Riot server, you two would talk almost every single day. You learned that he actually lived near you too. Call it fate. Exchanging phone numbers, following each other on social media, starting Snapchat streaks, meeting up with each other — the chemistry between you two made it seem like you’ve known each other your entire lives. The both of you had practically become best friends. 

To you, maybe it felt a little bit more than just friends. 

Currently, you were mindlessly scrolling through your Twitter feed when you saw that you had received a Snapchat notification, from, you guessed it. Kirishima. You were expecting it to just be a bland streak of his room or something but you saw something that made your fucking jaw drop.

A picture of Kirishima in a tight fitting tank top and a very noticeable bulge that was covered by a pair of dark grey sweatpants. 

You felt your cheeks heat up, a red blush painting across your entire face. In a state of panic, you fumbled the phone in your hands and in the process you had heard a very audible click. You fucking screenshotted his snap.

Fuck. 

You quickly went into your messages and texted him to try and explain yourself. 

[Y/N]

WAIT SHIT. KIRISHIMA. I DIDN’T MEAN TO SCREENSHOT THAT. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I SWEAR 

Replying almost immediately, you anxiously waited for what Kirishima had to say about your little mishap. You were seriously hoping that he was just going to let it go and you could both just act like nothing happened.

[Kirishima] 

Wow, I didn’t think you’d be the type to screenshot people’s snaps like that, Y/N :( 

[Y/N]

YOU DIPSHIT. I SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. AND WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME SHIT LIKE THAT HUH?!

[Kirishima]

You telling me you didn’t like what you saw? 

[Y/N]

Okay, fine, you looked good, SUE ME. Is that what you wanted to hear?

[Kirishima] 

It’s only fair you send me one back, don’t you think?

You stared at your phone. What the actual fuck. Was Kirishima asking you to send him a fucking nude? You knew it shouldn’t have, but the thought of Kirishima wanting to see your body turned you on. A small shiver running down your spine at the possibility that he liked you in return. 

[Y/N]

Excuse me, sir. I am NOT sending you a nude. 

[Kirishima]

I didn’t ask for a nude, all I said was that you return the favor. Quid pro quo, ya know? 

[Y/N]

Using big words like ‘quid pro quo’, smh. Since when did you become such a politician? 

[Kirishima]

But, if you want to send a nude, who am I to say no? ;)

[Y/N]

Fucking fine. If I show you one, will you shut up?

[Kirishima]

Depends.

[Y/N]

On what, exactly?

[Kirishima] 

On how good it is

Your eyes narrowed at his response. What does he even mean by that, ‘how good it is’? He should be grateful that you even considered sending him one! Based on your replies, it seemed like you were pissed, but in reality, your heart beat faster with every passing minute. You were never the type of girl to send nudes to anyone, but for Kirishima, you were willing to make a small exception. 

You got up from your bed and rummaged through your closet, looking for something that was a bit more provocative. You picked out a red lace bodysuit that hugged your curves and cupped your perky breasts. Sitting in front of your mirror, you touched up your makeup and fixed your hair, checking yourself out one last time before you started taking pictures. You opened up Snapchat and tried multiple poses, making sure the camera captured your sultriness and how good your tits looked. To mock his teasing from earlier you captioned the photo, “Quid pro quo, my ass.” before hitting the ‘send’ button. 

[Y/N] 

Was that good enough for you? 

You heard no response from him for a good five minutes. You started worrying. “Shit. Was that too much? Did I push it too far?” You chewed on the inside of your lip, anxiously waiting for any sort of reaction. 

And then, your screen lit up again. Another Snapchat notification from Kirishima. But this time, it was way more revealing. He had sent you a picture of him palming his erection, and all it said was, “You’re not even here, and look what you did to me :(“ 

Feeling cocky and with a sudden burst of confidence, you cheekily replied, “Why don’t you come here then?” 

In all honesty, Kirishima didn’t live that far from you. You two were only 15 minutes away from each other, meaning that he frequented your apartment whenever he felt like it. He came over a million times in the past, but this time was different. Very different, in fact. Anticipation was building at the pit of your stomach, but so was a familiar heat that began pooling in the middle of your underwear. 

You tried denying your feelings for Kirishima but you couldn’t help it! Everything about him was perfect. His personality, his humor, his voice, his face, his body… You could go on and on about all the things you loved about Kirishima. 

You would have been lying to yourself if you said that you’ve never thought about him with your hands in between your thighs. Thinking about his massive cock fucking your tight pussy, his fingers rubbing your clit in all the right places, or the way his tongue would feel sucking on your hardened nipples. 

You’d always wonder if he ever felt the same way but he didn’t really seem like he was. 

That was, until tonight. 

You stared at the clock on your wall and saw that 10 minutes had passed, a loud knock on your door making you wake up from the dream like trance you seemed to be trapped in. You quickly turned the doorknob, letting Kirishima inside of your apartment. 

Without saying a word, he pushed your back against the wall and began to roughly grab the side of your face. He captured your lips with his, meeting his kiss with the same aggressiveness, making your head spin at how good it felt to finally get a taste of him.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited for us to do this?” He panted, moving down to place sloppy kisses against the crook of your neck, leaving sharp bite marks and dark bruises littered all over your pretty skin.  

“Haaaa, that should be my line” you moaned, “You know how many times I’ve touched myself to the thought of you?” You whispered teasingly, biting the soft flesh of his earlobes. “How many times I wished it was your fingers inside of me instead?” You trailed your fingers down to his, intertwining them with one another before you dragged him into your bedroom. 

You pushed him down onto the mattress, gently getting on top of him and straddling his waist. Grabbing his hands, you placed them on top of your tits, giving them a rough squeeze before you began grinding your wet heat against his clothed cock. 

”Fuck, Y/N, are you sure?” He groaned, “As much as I want this, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with —“ 

“Eiji, shut up. If I didn’t want this, would I be this wet for you?” You slipped your panties off to the side, two of your fingers dipping into your cunt, showing off the slick that stringed in between your digits. “Here, see for yourself.” You brought your coated fingers up to his mouth, making him suck it until not a drop was left. 

“Shit, you taste so fucking good,” He smirked, “Why don’t you show me how you touch yourself, princess?” 

You slowly made your way off of him, leaning back to position your body against the plush sheets. Slowly spreading your legs, you made sure he got a good view, your pussy practically dripping from how aroused you had become. You snaked your hands down back against your thighs, fingers finding its way onto your throbbing clit. Kirishima was sitting in front of you, all of his clothes still on.

That didn’t seem very fair, now did it? 

“Stroke your cock for me, Eijirou. Quid pro quo, right?” You said wickedly. You stood up quickly to remove the rest of your lingerie, Eijirou’s eyes glued to your body, watching your every move as you moved your hands back to their previous position. 

Kirishima let out a small laugh before he finally stripped himself of his clothing, pulling down his boxers to reveal his impressive length that was already oozing precum. “Is this what you wanted to see?” You nodded desperately. 

“You wanted to see me jerk off while I watch you touch that pretty pussy of yours?” Kirishima began moving his hand against his girth, gathering spit in his mouth before letting it drip onto the head. Lubricating his cock with a mix of precum and spit, he slowly started moving up and down his length. Matching your rhythm, as he watched intensely at the fingers that were still stuffed inside of your cunt. 

Soft moans started escaping your plush lips, the collective sound of small whines, and frantic gasps beginning to fill the room. “Fuck, Eiji. You look so hot stroking your cock like that. Do you imagine that it was my pussy, instead?” You say, panting intensely. 

“Fuuuuck. I’m gonna pound your tight little cunt so hard that you’re not going to be able to walk for days.” He sped up his pace, you quickly following suit. Your fingers pumping vigorously, you continued to rub tight circles over your sensitive clit. 

You were getting closer and closer to the orgasm you craved so much, and the look that Kirishima had on his face indicated that he was too. Your cunt clenched tightly around your digits while Kirishima’s fist held a vice grip on his cock. You had been waiting for this moment for so long, the intensity of your orgasm was surely going to rip through you like a plundering tidal wave.

 “A-ah, Eijirou! I’m so fucking close for you.” Your eyes squeezed shut as you felt yourself cum all over your fingers, your arousal gushing onto the bed sheets and covering the inside of your thighs. 

Kirishima quickened his strokes, the sight of your pleasure the catalyst for his own release as he continued to jack hammer his cock at an animalistic pace. “Please, baby, cum for me, I wanna see you cum all over yourself.” You whined, watching closely as you patiently waited for him to reach his end. Your filthy words were the last push he needed. 

“F-fuck Y/N! I love you so fucking much” he groaned loudly. A few more pumps, and ropes of his cum started painting his chest white, covering his sweaty body, as the remnants of both your orgasms stained the bed. 

You both looked at each other with half lidded eyes, still trying to come down from your intense highs. Breathing heavily, you looked at him greedily and whispered, “You know, I’ve always wondered how good it would feel to fuck myself on your cock.” 

“Well, I did say that I’d pound your cunt so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk for days...” Kirishima cooed as he ran his fingers along your exposed thigh,

“I’d be more than happy to show you, Princess.” 

♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。.

[oz-the-sorcerer]

Royalmelody BUT IT'S THE SIMS 4!! (pt.2)

part 1 👈 if you are wondering

Hello, my fellow "I wonder how many AUs Oz has, what the heck" ppl, I have come to feed y'all, again. :D

So; a bit of reminding from the first post and other things (bcs I haven't posted about sims royalmelody since last summer):

-they are famous (Kylan's for music and Brea is for writing, she also sells some of her paintings)((and idk why I made them like that, maybe i thought they deserved it lol))

what goes on now:

-Kylan has become a 3-star celeb while Brea is still 2, she is very close to 3 tho

-I hate their current home. It gives me nightmares, has lots of unfunctional things like their kitchen sink, some chairs, their trash can and bathtub (k word me pls I'm so tired)

-so I'm building them a new one! >:D

-they sometimes T pose when the game glitches and they abruptly stop whatever they are doing to T pose only for a millisecond, but it's too funny so I forgive the Sims for this LMFAO

-NPCs always making stupid entrances and they poof out of existence because it's so crowded

-they give autographs now, those two :D

-they are still dating

-anyways, I guess that's it, thanks for reading!

-jk :D here, have some more screenshots in-game 👇:

-firSTLY, I UPGRADED HOW THEY LOOK!! Those two were literally Kyle and Brianna before, not Kylan and Brea and I am proud of how they look now! (left row is old, right row is the new look)

-when I found Brea's current hair I literally screamed lol

-and Kylan's face is just...him. u get what I'm saying? *o*

***

-cooking is good, but... cooking together? even better ✅

-the man's sneezed on a salmon once and decided that was not an important thing smh

-Brea does too many tricks with knives, I'm scared

-you know damn why I took a screenshot when it involved pink petals and I refuse to explain further😌

***

He came home running, heart, beating even harder than before.

"Brea?" He checked if she was at home first. She told him this morning that she would go to the gallery but there she was, probably writing another chapter for The Dew Tree.

She looked up at him from her desk, not expecting him anytime soon.

"Kylan? Hi!" He nearly skipped towards her and held her hands, smiling wide.

"You won't believe me if I tell you..."

"Whaa-AT!" Brea yelled when he started spinning with her in the middle of their colorful living room. He laughed at her shocked face.

"I got the nomination!"

"What?" She stopped him before they crashed into the sofa, not just because she was dizzy or anything but she wondered if she heard him right.

"I got the nomination for The Best Song!"

"Oh my God?!"

He finally did it, she thought. They hugged so tight that she couldn't breathe for a second.

"You are going to get that award, honey." She told him after they separated.

"You really think so? I don't want to get my hopes up, though, this is the first time I am getting a nomination." He was being self-doubtful again, so she just rolled her eyes and giggled. She knew how people loved his song, they even played it everywhere. Then, she pointed her finger to his heart and poked.

"You, sir, are going to get it."

His smile came back quickly after that, holding her hands again and doing a little dance with her. A bit childish, a bit sweet.

***

yeah, that really happened. :3

HE GOT THE BEST SONG AWARD (look how happy he is while giving his thanks speech) ((this also happened: "I couldn't have done this without this amazing woman... who is now waving at me to shut up because she is embarrassed. :D" ))

-congratulations hug! (AS HE RIGHTFULLY DESERVES!!)

-there was a random sim that got SO MAD when Kylan got the award. She glared at them all evening lmao stay pressed sistah that award is his

notes: sometimes when I stop time to get a screenshot, their position looks like a different interaction instead of what they are actually doing, making the game more fun uwu (like that lil dance above)

Well, I have lots of screenshots however; I will leave it from here for this part because this is already 10 pics lmao.

[derivativealigner]

I rewatched the second season of South Park and took so many notes that I had to split them into two parts. Like seriously, I took so. many. notes. And pictures this time. I started rewatching just in case I’d find some cool little facts to sprinkle into my fanfic but I went way too far and now there’s a million facts under this cut (including gay stan, a domestic violence psa, and craig fucking dying)

Stan doesn’t like hospitals, he finds them gross and he gets sick 🤮. Also the hospital in South Park is called Hell’s Pass hospital. Early seasons have the name as Hells Pass but it gets fixed later

Cartman has to sing all of Come Sailing Away by Styx if he hears a part of it. After he says this, Kyle sings the first part and Cartman has to sing the rest. Kyle does it again later, which is kinda mean

Cartman’s mom tries to abort Cartman, who is an eight-year-old child and thus cannot be legally aborted. Later, after she slept with Bill Clinton to change the law and make 40th trimester abortions legal, it turns out she meant adoption

Kenny sacrifices himself to turn on the generator to the hospital and save Dr. Mephesto’s life along with others. He says “I’ll fucking do it” then does it and dies, absolute legend

Cartman gets way too into his deputy role. He goes undercover, pretends to be a prostitute, says “Respect my authoritah!” a lot and beats people up with his police stick

Kenny’s brother first appears when Cartman responds to a call about a disturbance at Kenny’s house. Apparently there are like 10 adult family members in the house at that time. Kenny’s dad has a black eye because Kenny’s mom punched him. She says he can’t hold a job

Token sits in the classroom in season 2

Cartman starts hating hippies in this season, like a lot

Chef tells the boys that the right time to do drugs is in college

Ike’s name is Ike Moisha Broflovski and he was born in 1996, making him 2 years old in 1998 when this season aired

This is probably obvious but yeah Kyle and Ike are circumcised

Kyle says family isn’t just blood, it’s who you care about, and he says “That’s why you guys are more than just friends, you’re my family. Except for Cartman.”

Craig’s finally sitting in the classroom in S02E04

None of the boys like dodgeball

Clyde gets a dodgeball to the face and he cries :( and he’s the only one who cries by the way

Pip throws a dodgeball in Kyle’s face and breaks Kyle’s nose

When Kyle’s mom tells the boys about conjoined twin myslexia (which isn’t a real term) and says anyone might’ve absorbed their dead twin in the womb, Stan and Cartman run away screaming but Kenny and Kyle stay to listen. Kenny even leans in to look at the book “Freaks A-Z!” that Mrs. Broflovski is reading from, and when she leaves, Kyle grimaces and Kenny laughs

Stan’s mom (Sharon) calls Kyle’s mom (Sheila) when Stan is all freaked out and trying to put an icepick through his brain, and Sharon tells Sheila to get run over by a truck. Sharon is pretty mean in these early episodes

Mr. Broflovski doesn’t really listen to what Mrs. Broflovski is saying, bad husband >:(

South Park’s team is always called South Park Cows no matter the sport

The school nurse, Nurse Gollum, went to Colorado State University

I just realized Butters exists. I think he appeared before S02E05 but I didn’t notice but yeah he’s there with the dodgeball team, injured

Here’s a picture to make up for my disgusting anti-Butters bias

Kenny’s dodgeball uniform number is 69 obviously. Kyle is 7, Stan is 4, Cartman is 325

Sheila smacks Gerald in the face so hard he falls off his chair, lots of violence perpetrated by women in this show. Remember, don’t do domestic violence no matter your gender, it’s not cool

I realized after this whole Butters thing that I should’ve made more notes about Pip, so I’ll make a note about his anger issues now. When people call him French, he gets angry and throws dodgeballs at them

The boys launch a jelly roll at Ms. Crabtree and make her crash the bus. They do it just for fun

The kids somehow go to China in the school bus

Cartman references Moby Dick, but he probably doesn’t know what he’s talking about

Kevin Stoley gets named in S02E05 and has his first speaking role when he says he has Chinese parents and after Cartman hears it he immediately says something racist. smh cartman, what a problematic fave

Cartman says “I love you guys 😊” but Stan and Kyle just stare at him and he goes 😐 “Eh, screw you guys 😠”

If Jimbo and Ned really fought in Vietnam, they youngest they could’ve been in 1998 is early forties, which means in the latest seasons they would be early sixties. Btw they met in Vietman

Jesus and Pals is a recurring TV show in seasons 1 and 2. Jesus just kind of lives in South Park

I just remembered that Terrance and Phillip are really old in canon, it’s so weird, like how can South Park canon still be changing, it’s been 20 years

Also the early seasons are casually racist who knew

Kenny flashes his ass on a tape the boys send to Jimbo and Ned’s TV show, which airs and at least 12 people see Kenny’s bare naked ass

Cartman really doesn’t like hippies in these early seasons. He throws a chair at Ned and yells, “Take that, hippie!” (Ned is in a catatonic state and did nothing to provoke this)

Jimbo and Ned live together I guess. Jimbo’s gonna take Ned home and show him some hardcore porn to snap him out of his catatonic state, good husband unlike Gerald Broflovski

Saddam Hussein is in hell and has a Canadian accent and is Satan’s lover in S02E06, I guess he died in Canada in the first episode this season but I wasn’t paying much attention since that’s the Terrance and Phillip episode that pissed a bunch of people off in 1998 because the audience wanted to know who Cartman’s dad is instead. It was kind of a boring episode so I understand why everyone was pissed, but it is funny that Matt and Trey did that so I’m not mad about it

Aww look at them!!! We’ve got background Style, the vaguest inkling of Crenny, and Cartman/Cake

I’d take more screenshots but it’s a pain since I’m watching legally and stupid legal websites block screenshots so I have to find youtube videos instead ughhhh piracy is the answer kids

Apparently there’s a huge waterfall and canyon somewhere close to South Park, maybe? At least in Stan’s dream

Mary Kay Bergman was an incredible voice actor. How the hell did she voice all the moms, Wendy, Shelly, principle Victoria, the mayor, Nurse Gollum, and fucking Ms. Crabtree??? Holy shit what a queen

Kenny has some feelings about death. He reimagines the episode where death boops him to death and in his version, he beats death the fuck up, then has ice cream and is happy 😊 But again, this is in Stan’s dream

S02E07 kind of establishes that nobody remembers Kenny dying because when Cartman tells a story where Kenny dies, Kyle questions how Kenny could’ve died then when he also died just a few hours ago when a giant monster took him

rip craig, he falls out the bus and into a canyon

But it’s okay because it was all Stan’s dream so everything in the episode is questionable. Everything after this is no longer a dream

Pip’s parents are dead and he has to go to summer school while everyone else is having a nice summer break

Officer Barbrady and the mayor are having sexual relations, I’m sure this is the most interesting note I’ve made so far. Idk I’m just writing everything down, this is how I enjoy things, I have no off switch

Ew summer bus stop, cursed

Kyle casually sings little tunes every once in a while, how cute

This is pretty obvious but Kenny likes dirty jokes, he laughs when Cartman innocently says he loves Chef’s salty chocolate balls (which are chocolate candy). Nobody else laughs

Cartman says “Screw you guys, I’m going home” or variations of it a lot in this season

So Stan throws up when he likes someone, right? Well, he’s watching an indie movie about two gay cowboys who start making out and he throws up, which is either a terrible homophobic joke or confirmation that Stan’s a little gay. I know which one I prefer

Kyle says Mr. Hankey is his best friend after Stan. Like I know it’s definitely canon that Stan and Kyle are best friends but it’s still nice to see confirmation, it’s very precious. Also Kyle is best friends with literal shit, so cute 😊

Kenny deaths:

S02E02 Kenny sacrifices himself by connecting a generator wire, which electrocutes him but brings power back to a hospital

S02E03 A tree falls on Kenny and crushes him

S02E04 Kenny falls in a grave and the gravestone falls on him

S02E05 The Chinese dodgeball team throws a ball at Kenny and he gets splattered against a wall

S02E06 Two guys pull on Kenny and tear him in half, as in one has the head and one has the legs

S02E07 A big scary monster plucks Kenny out of the school bus and carries him away. Also in Cartman’s fake memory of Fonzi jumping over cars, the motorcycle hits Kenny and crushes him against a brick wall. Kenny gets smashed against walls a lot, doesn’t he?

S02E08 Flashback: Baby Kenny has a firecracker and it explodes, sprinkling little baby Kenny parts everywhere. Later in the episode, current day Kenny dies when a giant firework snake bumps him off a stage and under a fence, which then crushes him.

S02E09 Kenny is playing with a yoyo outside a movie theatre when a bunch of people come outside and trample him to death. They say “Oh my God, I found a penny!” and “You bastard!”

I’ll post part 2 of season 2 in a couple days. I’m having way more fun writing these stupid notes than I thought I would (also gnomes is coming up soon and i am fucking ready for tweek)

[in-a-cave-with]

Hello =) Why do you always mention Tony Stark self loathe? Is he notorious for it? And why is he self-hating? I thought he loved him self do much and was confident. I’ve seen people calling his character narcissist, egomaniac etc. So Is his arrogant behaviour a mask? He is a cis white hetero billionaire man, can’t he get a good care for his mental health? Privileged yet ignorant. Smh

………..bruh….theres so much to unpack here…..

ok so im going to assume this is about ??? that one screenshot of my fic that im writing which is set in the 616 universe? which makes this ask even more wack af bc aside from 616 tony’s “treating ‘tony stark’ and ‘iron man’ as separate identities that he had to play/thinking iron man is the only good part of him” thing that he had going on for the entirety of the time he had a secret identity (i think it’s around 10 years in the marvel sliding timescale??), he also has the biggest track record out of all tony starks in marvel universes of “times he has sacrificed his happiness/his friendships/his life for the greater good”. like just off the top of my head theres execute program, civil war, iron man director of shield, iron man fatal frontier, fear itself, avengers vs x-men. to put it extremely bluntly tony would not try to ruin his own life this many times if he really liked himself as much as he says he does

if you’re talking about mcu tony then it’s different but eventually leads back to the same thing? tony doesnt immediately try to sacrifice himself when things go wrong bc of him + instead tries to look for ways to fix the problem but when it comes down to it he lays down his life w/out hesitation. he overly attaches himself to his iron man identity and can’t leave it bc he took yinsen’s words farther than they were meant to be taken [inserts meta about how mcu tony is the most notable example of how the hero can take their mentor’s ‘great power great responsibility’ statement too far and eventually ruin themself] also there’s an entire movie (iron man 2) dedicated to how tony distances himself from the people close to him by acting (key word: acting) self-absorbed/arrogant so they won’t miss him when he dies

in general it’s true that tony’s sometimes over-confident in his intelligence/abilities but this often (OFTEN) leads to him fucking something up and then thinking “why didn’t i do better”. guilt is a big part of tony’s character: guilt over lost friends, broken relationships, tragic situations that he accidentally helped cause, lives he could’ve saved, etc. and a lot of his self hatred stems from how he holds himself responsible for the variety of bad things that happen

basically people who say that tony stark is an “egomaniac” or a “narcissist” are wrong straight up. no debate. because if you took maybe 5 seconds and read the synopsis to any iron man movie or looked at maybe 2 pages from tales of suspense it’s super clear that he doesn’t particularly like himself and. yeah i dont really like putting it this way but he wears arrogance as a mask for a variety of reasons including but not limited to trying to live up to the public’s general impression of him, emotional abuse he went through as as kid, and the mortifying ordeal of being known

also uhhhhhhh

“He is a cis white hetero billionaire man, can’t he get a good care for his mental health? Privileged yet ignorant. Smh”

i mean. long post of evidence explaining why 616 tony is bi coded aside you first need to recognize you have problems with your mental health to seek help for it and this particular factor is not influenced by privilege. ppl who havent recognized that they have problems shouldnt be faulted for it i think.

also 616 tony has a therapist he mentions in squirrel girl v2 and mcu tony tried talking w bruce about his issues in iron man 3 so it’s not like he’s not trying or anything

[mingi-bubu]

Watch “Love O2O” with Me!

Episode 7

i am watching these episodes the way that i eat m&ms

one after the other xp

my phone has cooled off v much but is not yet fully charged so shes still plugged in

i have my water, i have some ramen ^-^, the flix of net is up

as mark lee would say, lezgeddit

so we left off with september and mirror fish duking it out for who should be considered the woman in the faux relationship tht theyre only doing so that xiao nai and wei2 can practice dueling before the big event

and we open with them figting in game

wei2 and nai are just watching them off to the side lmao

THEY JSUT TOOK EACH OTHER OUT ADKJFALKSDJ

wait did nai take them out?

oh damn

they at the hard level couple shit huh

aldkfjalskdjf drag your friends lovingly

maybe not so lovingly

hes too fuking head over heels for her imHAND HOLDING

IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SERVER

DISGUSTING

i want it

oooh this npc’s outfit fucking sLAPS

no other in game couple has completed the quest before

damn she just got stuck in a dungeon and the disembodied voice said y’all ain’t got shit but also only have 16 hours to find each other

oh they can still chat

thats nice

why is she acting so dramatic smh

shes so upset she cant do anything

oh no instead shes gonna try to find out information for him

also i LOVE HER SWEATSHIRT

oooh rainbow

he really gonna YEET himself off that cliff aint he

~telepathy~

he’s confident apparently

i

she’s cleaning her keyboard

akdlfjak;ldsj

she said its STUDYING TIME COWARDS

love this man’s headpiece

i cant help but think about the one vine where the guy kept skipping the in game diaogue alkdfaskl

ohhhh

the game is called go

the one that we saw nai playing when we were first introduced to him

oh ok

the game disappeared

yearning formation

me while watching this fuckign show

take the scroll

smh

Y E E T

oh

booooooo

OH I TAKE IT BACK THEYRE STAIRS

THATS PRETTY DOPE

STONE DRAGONS

STONE DRAGONS

HOLY SHIT

well thats unfortunate

shut up i hate this part so muchh

oh he just killed the stone dragons

god this guy is so fucking overdramatic

the naihands again

not at how the fucking music popped off

damn this npc guy is cope

dope

not to be like harry potter but harry potter battle

oh jesus thats wht it takes

really

showing him the pendant

man got his heart broken 1 time by his master and said fuck it i hate everyone

nevermind he texted back

oh wowowowow oHES RIDING THE BIG FUCKING BIRD

Jesus she really said he looks like an angel huh

me too

wowowwowowowwoOWOWOW

ultimate fucking team

they really said we are the best huh

ia;lkdfja;lksdj

it’s not that deep

I LOVE HIM

HE REALLY SAID BITCH I SCREENSHOT THAT SHIT

KING SHIT

oh she left her clan?

damn she is bringing in everything

all the shade

all the tea

this is very awkward

he really backtracked faster than i could blink

oooohhhhhhh

this is tea

DAMN WEIWEI REALLY OUT HERE TO SAY THINGS

these girls again

oh she really do be leaving the clan

oh wowowowow

eww thats so gross and mushy

we were formally married

shut the fuck

marital status is important

SHTU THD UVLK

how long did that quest take them tho

did

did she just do what i think she did

ugh gross theses and exams

not excited to go back to that

xiaoling i want more of her shes so funny

oh so it’s septembers meeting with mr. li

e.e

me and september rolling our eyes internally

hmmmmm

mr li is gonna kill him

wHy DoNt YoU dEvElOp ThE gAmE wItH uS

stop pitting two bad bitches against each other

aaaannnnd now hes being more obviuosly snakey

monthly wage of 120k

god i wish that were me

smart kid tho

said he needs to think about it

raise that by 30%???

156,000

a month

before bonuses

and the game launching

god i need to marry rich

sorry

anyways

yiran uncle is like we need to get him on board bc then everyone else will come

snake man

yiran heard all of that

*eyes emoji*

maybe she do have a heart

she really needs to have better people in her life

her uncle is skeezy

i’d spill hot tea on him

i absolutely don’t believe in nor trust him

go and tell him

be a moral person

her hair style is cute

TELL HIM

ugh

this is why aint nobody know anything

nana that is not how this should work

stop it

stop that nana

THATS NOT HOW THAT WORKS

SOMETIMES PEOPLE HAVE OTHER INTERESTS

i will say tho that her underlying message of taking initiative and doing things to help you is good

also the background is so green screen aldkjfs

september i would marry you in that outfit rigt how

nai’s apartment i want to know more aobutFISHHH

THERE ARE SO MANY FISHHH

why does he have a phonograph im so weak

all of these guys need lkasdjfa;lksdjf;laksjd

nai is the love of my life

but anyways the other 3 guys need to think with their upstairs brain

gynophobic

jjaiskldfjwe just say gay

i know they probably have censorship laws that are different

but still

i desire kodak’s hoodie

theres a lil bear in a cap on it

cute cute cute

oh damn he really do be saying things

oh so they visited SEPTEMBER EREALLY  DID THE FINGER HEARTS IM IN LOVE IWTH HIM

damn HE IS

RIDE

OR

DIE

FOR HIS FRIENDS

alkdsfjalskdjfasl;dk not at how he was really cute looking all dorky when he was being all sweet to them

awww weiwei’s relationship with xiaoyang is adrable

al;kdsjfalsd don’t steal unless youve been falsely accused

oooh it was a bear with wings

xiaoyang is my favorite character every episode he’s in is improved tenfold

i have a similar knife as the one in this show love that for me

wh

what did she put in the bowl and why did the yakult have to go in it too

xiaoyang i would die for you

the #Squad

love them

SPARKLY SHIRT ON HIM

SARPIOEAPOIWEHFIO

ASPAEIHFALKLY SHRIT

IM LLIVOE HIM

D A M N

HE REALLY BE BUYING SHIT FO RHER

PELASE

september in clgaseselkew;jrfawioh

and dark oragne

im falignaeapowifha

i love them

jadlskfjasldkj ha;weijak

I LOVE THAT

she really changed her mf tune as soon as she found out nai put them up to it

ugh

WHEN DO WE GET TO SEE IRL INTERACIONS IM SICK OF THIS SHIT

not really i depely love it obviously

BUT IM SICK OF THIS SHIT

ok that’s the end of episode 7

ugh

truly they are otp

anyways

thank you for readign!!!

stay safe and stay healthy <333

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

“So Happy Together” Analysis

i don’t sleep

tl;dr: tbh not much to go off on about. i think we see a new skin for Iron Bear, one with some stripes. amara smiles, i do talk a little bit about little sisters in bioshock but tbh i think this was all just a stylistic choice lol. oh and handsome jack’s masks- probably Mount Jackmore. i don’t want to get to freaked out over jack returning, but damn gearbox lol u had me there for a second. im pretty sure it’s just a reused cut quest from bl2 that they never got to implement. 

EDIT: here’s all the cut content in bl2 (plus all the non-cut content as well for funsies). you can go to the cut quests and see the audio files for claptrap’s jackmore quest

holy shit can i just vomit all my emotions rn, they’re all good so imma do that so im rational when i start analyzing stuff okay? okay! 

holy shit that was fucking great and im really glad i tempered my expectations to something smaller than i thought because i feel bad for people expecting something huge, i was under the assumption we’d be getting a new mechanic that was like ‘choose ur +1 and they’ll be able to play the game with you if you’re both online even if they don’t have the game’ which was what someone said on reddit. altho im sure the poor company is gonna get spammed now with hate like ‘WTF YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BUILT THIS UP AAAA’. not to lie, i was slightly disappointed it wasn’t a longer stream, but i mean if they’ve got nothing to announce, they’ve got nothing to announce and HEY! new trailer!!! gonna be combing thru on the assumption this has some easter eggs like the MoM trailer did, just in case. i thought it was a cute trailer, gearbox never explicitly said what it was gonna be, a lot people all just assumed what was gonna happen was a demo/beta which sucks so i hope this doesn’t negatively impact people’s perspective of the game. im staying off reddit for now bc when i first checked it people were pretty pissed and i dun need that negativity lmao

okay! emotions are LOCKED behind closed doors. i am shifting into study mode. here we go boys/girls/those of us who know better. haven’t done one of these in a while, let’s see if im rusty at all.

claptrap! and the skull on the chair which reminds me of tyreen’s “favorite skull”. 

tv says “we are under attack, please stand by”

and afaik claptrap is near the beginning of the game, you can see part of the recruitment center behind him when the camera pans.

im thinking there might be something in the roses, specifically the hand-drawn roses later on in the trailer. will be keeping an eye open for that.

this is specifically a jakobs brand chest. i really like the see-through aesthetic of it

intro area of the game again. possible hint to the opening cutscene? tbh i was worried that’s what we were about to get because i haven’t finished the roughs of my mock up lol

so what i didn’t notice my first time through is that you can then see claptrap, also being shown in the chest

waving up at the camera. that’s not trippy at all or anything lol

this car in the foreground (with no one driving it, mind you)

randomly combusts, looking quite like elpis in that one shot of the claptrap presents pandora trailer. wonder if that means it’s gonna ‘splode.

ohhh it spins. please no spin imma get motion sick blech

shot of some cultists. one appears to have a jetpack near the bottom right there

another explosion to the beat

the shock wave!!!! that’s awesome

shock nomads cultists are back. f in chat for our shields

another cultist seconds before he gets blown to bits

it cuts to black for a secco as it moves thru said explosion

another cultist, i assume a psycho

finally some good fucking angles

heh.

idk what i expected from someone who’s first action skill line i ever heard was them shouting MAGIC WALL!!! TAAAADAAAAAAAAH

as a side note

who is shooting those lasers

we see them coming from behind the VHs, but

there’s nothing there

SPOOKY~

they’re coming from... the wall???

tfw u shot urself in the foot on accident

amara is not amused

`is this some human custom i don’t understand yet`

also i hate that i’ve done this exact dance before when i took dance classes as a kid

with less style of course, i was like 7

moze is into it, hell yeah

this reminds me a lot of Kingsman. where all the blood is like fireworks and stuff. i wonder if that has anything to do with the psycho brainwashing. like little sisters in bioshock. they see roses instead of blood, right? maybe there’s something like that going on with the psychos

i’d certainly hope our vault hunters aren’t brainwashed, anyway.

this dude looking SHOCKED to see that tho, lmfao

i relate to this man on a spiritual level i stg

man he looks pissed

omfg lol

“um”

“i guess this is okay”

the body language in this is gold i am just having the time of my life

adsfdgfhgjhgfk

this is so cute

also in retrospect, i think this is one of the turrets we see on promethea. i wonder what it’s doing here!

moze u ok?

oh nvm she’s into it, look at her! she’s dancing! She’s Dancin’!

oooo one of the robots from the we are mayhem trailer! okay you can totally see why i think they’re jakobs, RIGHT???

iirc this is a maliwan soldier

man this is a crossover event, isn’t it?

i get it now. togetherness. i gotchu gearbox.

some maliwan ships in the sky. possibly sanc-iii on the right? or a ship of the same model as sanc-iii!

this is a magitek dropship, change my mind

eh, they both start with M, fuck it.

no idea what fl4k is doing here

mayyyybe shielding themselves from the ‘firework’/confetti shower

i like that the confetti explosions are backed up by purple, you know like eridium/slag/siren powers. seriously, maybe this is just how to cultists see us Vault Hunters and the mass murder.

at the very least, the psychos.

fl4k’s into it. i wish we knew the name of their skag, if it has one. i hope it does.

well now the lasers are coming from the other side! what the hell

moving on

i think this is the HBC from the speakers, plus im pretty sure that skull and the stained glass are the entrance to mouthpiece’s arena

we also get a different colored explosion. im paranoid jack is somehow making a return (please god no), so i’ll just note it’s the same color as his eyes.

AND the chests are vomiting out gold guns, which i think, gold-plated gear, is the cult’s way of signifying standing. which im sure is a tongue-in-cheek commentary as gearbox gives out a gold weapon pack as a pre-order bonus. no, like, it even shows up as an ad on the video

smh gearbox lmao

oh, also, the cultists are doing fuckin flying impressions

im not saying its a reference to the cultist with rakk wings on the cover, buuuut

bitch it might be lol

it’s an upside-down vault symbol! ive been trying to figure out what that is in those screens for the longest time!

back on promethea and we get to see fl4k’s spiderant in action

their skag, too, of course

the jabbermon in the back there, too! i wonder if they’re going to be shock or cryo. i would imagine shock given how they’re glowing

also i love the way the flowers look in contrast to the character models

moze is so happy aw

i love the way fl4k’s skag comes flying in and slides to a stop. such a good doggo ;-;

this is beautiful, i want it as a wallpaper

moze skipping? holy shit

100% verified the best thing i’ve ever seen

i lied. this is.

is this the fast travel station effect?

also! IB is looking a bit different

i wonder if this is a redesign or if IB is wearing a new skin moze picked out

pan over to zane who clearly doesn’t notice the being of darkness and horror in the doorway

oh also, we’re on eden-6 now. which would explain the fast travel effect

psychos dancing on the rooftops lol

oh god my eyes

nothing to really say here, i just like this screenshot

pink shields booyah

this is so fucking cute

we also get a better look at that one facility on eden-6

is that... red i see? >w> i won’t say it i won’t i won’t say it i swear i just- ATLAS

fuck

i like that zane’s clone spawns with his melee attachment

not AS excited as the real life version though

GB pls let this be a zane emote

is that a varkid? on eden-6?

wtf is a varkid doing on eden-6???

more shots of the facility btw. reminds me a lot of sanc-iii so maybe this actually is the supamax mfg construction facility like i originally thought. hmmmmmmm

ah yes, of course

holy shit what is this a reference to?

im told it’s the sex pistols

the back of the bullet turns into Athenas

pans in

amara!

enemy with a top hat on. some variation of/upgraded gravedigger? it’s like a psycho but recolored with blue pants and a top hat. you can see it fall off when amara shoots him

y’know, these guys

some rakk in the background

i am hoping bc this is a celebration of togetherness we’re seeing all enemies everywhere, not that the planets don’t have their own unique fauna.

she’s so happy omfg

oh, you want some?

Uhhh then there’s THIS sequence

they’re doing the flying thing again lmao

there’s also whatever that black blob is on the left. a spaceship maybe?

car wheel

all their eyes started glowing red. uh oh gamers

also another fast travel effect

hmmmm... zarpedon is that you??

back on pandora.

“super 87 racetrack”, maybe this is near that motorcade fast travel we saw?

huzzah! rainbows!

i do believe that’s sanctuary-iii

another ship. drop ship?

elpis is looking nice this time of year. definitely not explode-y. yet.

pret-ty sure that’s iron bear. moze is standing atop the tower lmao

also! back to it’s old paint scheme. looks like moze was using a skin or smth

we also have this. are my eyes failing me or is that a big cross on the left? could be where jack was buried. 

also i know there was cut content in bl2 about Mount Jackmore! and this looks like a Mount Jackmore to me. it’s a cut quest where claptrap asks you to basically ruin the thing. but since the quest was cut, it’s still here in bl3. maybe they’ll reintegrate the quest lol

i can’t imagine it being roland’s gravesite. because it looks like the below.

i do know we’re going to roland’s grave in bl3, but the statues don’t really match up. maybe it is and the statues were broken, or ruined or something and replaced by a cross. could be then that the gravesite was defaced with, well, the guy that killed him. 

im really hoping jack doesn’t make a return. im fine with dealing with what he set in motion, and his influence, and probably even some ECHO logs and movie trailers, but please, for the love of god, don’t actually bring him back, AI or otherwise. im really excited for the calypso twins, i’d really hate to see the focus shift back to that guy. he’s had his fingers in every borderlands game. it’s time to let him go.

idk what this is exactly. it looks like maybe that weird eye bot troy stands next to in the intro for the behind closed doors panel?

goodbye mr magical jakobs chest, it’s been real

the RC now has red drapes going down it. have those always been there? i don’t remember those

hmmmmmmmmm maybe we’re looking at it from the back 🤔

anyway, that’s all she wrote. i haven’t see any hidden morse code messages or anything yet, but if something surfaces, i’ll be sure to add it here.

[isuzukuretsuki]

Ikemen Revolution - Sirius’s Route

aka me graduating from being a wannabe livebloggering and becoming a wannabe otome reviewer HAHA.

I have a bunch of left over screenshots from Sirius’s route that I never posted so I decided to compile them all into one post + add in my own awful commentary/review. It’s mostly going to be the latter. So yeah enjoy experiencing Sirius’s route filtered through my terribad commentary and me dragging the poor man more than he deserves.

Honestly Sirius’s route is a blur to me at this point. The one thing that stuck out like a sore thumb that I didn’t like was Alice pinning over how ~cool~ and ~mature~ Sirius is while Sirius kept beating around the bushes about his feelings smh. What was even more annoying is that for the first half of the route it’s just Alice trying to help out with the war and Sirius just giving her menial tasks all day to keep Alice busy and avoid her pestering (╬ಠ益ಠ). 

Seth is a real bro in this route and actually gives some GOOD ASS ADVICE, TOO BAD NOBODY MAINLY SIRIUS TAKES HIM SERIOUSLY.

Gee I’m trying to romance you; how utterly elated it makes me to know that I remind you of your siblings. 

He fucking KISSES HER ON THE FOREHEAD and is all like “it’s just friendly affection!” BITCH WHAT PART OF THAT IS FRIENDLY AFFECTION?

The funniest thing is is that while this disastrous k-drama high school romance is going on as the supposed main focus, THE FLAMES OF WAR ARE RAGING ON IN THE BACKGROUND. Out of the routes I’ve played so far this route is the only route where the armies actually go in an all out war which I thought was pretty cool.

Okay this is less of a war between Red vs Black and more like Edgar vs Black because Lancelot is out of commission while Kyle is pulling his hair out like an old nanny tending to him and idk what the hell the rest of the Red Army dudes are doing. I am not exaggerating when I say that Edgar is the actual backbone of this army. It’s hard to really take this war seriously considering how no one is dying, only “injured” and these battles seem to have minuscule impacts or consequences and the fact that Sirius and Alice have time to be frolicking off with their less than smooth romance.

As usual Seth is the bro of the war too as he runs around spreading underground rumors. Tbh idk how the hell Seth managed to pose as a “reliable source” but I can just imagine him being like V and just knocking some poor Red Army sap tf out and stealing his clothes and running around spreading rumors like a character in Mean Girls spreading rumors about who the heroine is dating.

BIG YIKES AND BIG SWEAT. I think Sirius’s route is the first route to drop Seth’s connection to the Magic Tower, something I’d definitely never suspect. Maybe he’s a mole?? who knows.

But obviously who cares about that mumbo jumbo! We cut back to Sirius and Alice where Alice is drunk mumbling about how much she loves this sexy man, conveniently just while Sirius is in front of her and hears everything! But like the smooth operator he is he....................... doesn’t do anything. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ He just completely wipes the love confession clean from his memory and continues on his merry way as if it never happened. Great. A+ romantic development there, game.

Hell even the other boys are lowkey sick of Sirius “what is this feeling in my chest?! Definitely not love!” Oswald so they decide to all be MC’s wingmen because clearly that war you guys are fighting that is potentially killing all your men isn’t important! Sirius, OF COURSE, overhears the entire conversation where Alice admits she loves him and as usual.... HE DOESN’T DO ANYTHING.

Is it a sin if I actually agreed with Seth. I MEAN NO OFFENSE TO SIRIUS BUT............ 

Seth, can I romance you instead? Promise not to sell me out to the Magic Cult in exchange for Amon’s weed stash though.

Oh jesus christ can you just confess your undying love for each other already this is starting to become infuriating. You guys have a GOD DAMN WAR being fought in the background and instead I’m forced to sit through this cat and mouse game between these two mofos. Sirius, I love you, but. god dammit.

Oh right, were we fighting a war? I think we were fighting a war hahaha oops I completely forgot about that! But thank god that King No Fun is here to ruin everyone’s day! As we know, Lancelot has been pretty much incapacitated the entire route due to using too much magic, but nothing stops the King of Hearts. The man deadass drags his delirious corpse out of his bed (cue Kyle screaming in the background) and waltz into the Black Army HQ like he pays rent to whisk our princess away like the friendly neighborhood kidnapper that he is. He knocks her tf out and frolics into the sunset on his horse with Alice’s passed out body.

Sirius being the knight in shining armor that he is catches up to Lance on his horse and demands Lance return Alice, which Lance is like “nah son”. Sirius then proceeds to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF LANCELOT (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾) I THOUGHT THIS MAN DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT! and starts screaming in Lancelot’s face about how much pain his kokoro is in ever since Lancelot started being a piece of shit. Lancelot’s reaction pretty much just amounts to  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and he gives up on the girl and saunters off. 

Sirius proceeds to spill his token tragic backstory to Alice, about how he, Harr and Lance used to be best friends but ever since Harr was exiled and Lance took the title of King of Hearts, their friendship had been strained broken to smithereens considering how Harr LITERALLY tries to kill Lance. Honestly as much as I roast the terribad romance between Alice and Sirius, I really enjoyed learning about Sirius’s history with Harr and Lance and it was by far the most enjoyable part of the route. I appreciate how much Sirius cares about Lance and Harr and it’s definitely the thing I like most about his character.

Anyhoo they return to find the Black Army Headquarters ABSOLUTELY DECIMATED. The magic cult goons completely smashed their headquarters but considering how all the boys have plot armor, no one is hurt so it’s all okay! （‐＾▽＾‐）

Alice realizes that Lancelot kidnapped her to protect her from the attack and that he is most likely being manipulated by someone in the shadows. She convinces Sirius to take her onto the battle field to confront Lancelot once and for all for answers. FINALLY THE PLOT IS GOING SOMEWHERE, and this is like what, part 20 at least?!

The moment they confront Lancelot on the battle field, the real King No Fun aka Amon crashes the party and he’s not a happy camper. He’s sick of Lancelot buying time so decides to just whisk Alice away himself!

aaaaand finally Lancelot’s “I’m the Worst” facade drops as he loses his shit. I find it interesting how it’s the first time he refers to the MC by her name and not Alice. He dives into Amon’s teleportation spell and gets whisked away with them.

Alice awakens to find herself in Amon’s creepy sex dungeon and Amon is like... your stereotypical evil cackling maniac cartoon villain that you’d expect.

He’s even a misogynistic twat as the icing on the cake.

Unfortunately Amon only wanted Alice but he accidentally brought Sirius and Lancelot too as carry on luggage. He leaves Lancelot be since he needs him but Sirius is just a fly in his plan so LIKE THE EVIL CACKLING TOTALLY NOT RIKA VILLAIN THAT HE IS HE PULLS OUT A FUCKING GUN 

and shoots Lancelot.

Amon shits bricks over Lancelot protecting Sirius but is ultimately Monokuma level “lmao idgaf” and proceeds to try and kill Sirius but they’re rescued by Harr and Loki who whisks them away back to Red Army Headquarters.

Kyle REALLY FUCKING SHITS BRICKS THIS TIME POOR BOY CAN’T GET A BREAK after seeing Lancelot’s condition and somehow miraculously brings Lance back from the brink of death. Sirius and Alice talk with Lancelot and he finally comes clean with the truth about how Amon’s threatening to destroy Cradle with his weed stash unless Lancelot cooperates. Sirius is all like “aight then let’s go destroy his weed stash” and both armies begin working together to defeat Amon. Great, the climax of the plot is finally here, I’m so excited!

THAT IS UNTIL Alice realizes that the full moon is finally here and thus she must go home! She highkey wants to stay but Sirius is like “nah son you going home”. and proceeds to SHOVE HER ASS DOWN THE GATES OF HELL. But not before making out with her like his life depended on it. What the fuck, he doesn’t even confess his love for her! He just makes out with her and is all like “lul bye” and shoves her down the garden portal. 

Welp great, the final battle with Amon is finally starting and I’M NOT EVEN THERE TO SEE IT LMAO! It’s like the writers got too lazy at the end and pulled this bs to avoid showing the climax of the story. Wtf let me kick ass with my man, what is this weak ass underwhelming development. 

Alice waits around in Reason for about 3 months before going like “yeah you know what fuck it” and decides to go back to Cradle because a hoe got better things to do then just sitting on her ass waiting for her man who may never come for her!

She goes to the park just in time to see Sirius, who, surprise surprise, actually did come to get her! He tells her how they finally defeated Amon and that Cradle is finally safe! Amazing, it took you three months to find that weed stash; it took Alice and Jonah one evening in Jonah’s route.

She goes back to Cradle with Sirius but it’s already night so they decided to pitch a tent at a nearby inn with only one bed!

just go to sleep...................... just go to fucking sleep.

The next day they return to the Black Army Headquarters, which is now peaceful since Amon is defeated and the war is over. I got Sirius’s dramatic end; Alice and Sirius decide to go over to Sirius’s flower shop, where they run into Lancelot whose finally chilled out with his “I’m the Worst” act now that Amon isn’t breathing down his neck every second like a creepy evil Santa Clause.  Lancelot buys an iris flower and proceeds to give it to Alice.

I’M FUCKING CRY HE’S SO SOFT.......... HE SO SOFT...... PLEASE PROTECT HIM AND HIS PRECIOUS SMILE.

The route ends with Alice planting the flower Lancelot gave her in the garden of the Black Army HQ, promising to live her life with Sirius and protect the little things that are important to them (´へωへ`*). and finally, FUCKING FINALLY, SIRIUS FINALLY TELLS HER HE LOVES HER. THAT TOOK YOU LIKE WHAT, THE ENTIRE ROUTE?

but no seriously imagine how awkward it’d be for Alice, after making out and sleeping with him only to be like “oh wait does he even actually love me, he never said he did” derp.

-----

Anyway that was a rundown of my own thoughts of his route + awful commentary. I definitely think his route was one of the weaker ones and it just didn’t feel like Sirius or Alice had any chemistry (｡-人-｡). I hate to admit being disappointed, especially because I was really looking forward to Sirius’s route but alas it is what it is. There were some nice scenes and I liked the friendship dynamic between him, Lance, and Harr but overall it definitely paled in comparison to Jonah’s or even Lancelot’s route. Ohwell, sorry Sirius lmao.

[realeyesrealizereallies4036]

New Edition of: NowandG(hostwriter)en.

In which, I read and point out the bullshit so you don't have to!! First post of the year!! Get those coins Ghostie!!

Intro:

So he couldn't read or write until the year he turned 5? He wasn't working on that for the past 4 years? Talk, read, sing, it changes everything!! Has she not seen the commercials? Smh.

1 mill that you BOUGHT Jennifer. How does one go from gaining followers in the 100s to 1,000s to 4,000 and even 10,000+ ? Both on Wednesdays. You're no Kylie.

Section 1:

That's no lie, she's bad at saying no to any opportunity for clout. Posting pics of your child crying having a breakdown? Yessss. Advertising a vibrator and a video essay on your nonexistent sex life? Yassss. Saying no to not posting an unflattering picture? Absolutely not.

Section 2:

True. I certainly don't.

Section 3:

No comment needed.

Section 4:

Can't wait for someone to spot him either filming in Van or anywhere in the US getting shitfaced instead of hanging out with her and the kids so I can laugh my lungs away.

I thought they were in ID sis.

You really need 3 sets of people to help? Girl... Can I get an "incompetent" from the crowd?

What a flattering picture. *Esme Squalor voice* CHUGGING GLASSES OF BEER BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD NEXT TO YOUR KIDS IS VERY IN. Ghostie literally took a screenshot of the IG post instead of uploading the original pic. Did y'all delete the original file?

Section 5:

When you haven't kept up with your bearding duties/divorce rumors lit a fire up your ass and you have to cover it up and protect your bag:

Sections 6-7 are irrelevant and tea-less.

Hard to do when you don't even write your own stuff.

[nikatyler]

Oh hey, long time no replies. And these are the first ones of this year. I have a hard time replying now. It’s not like I don’t have time - I’m doing okay, actually. I mean, I wouldn’t complain if there was less homework, but still. Free time exists. It’s just that I can’t bring myself to replying to either comments or messages...I replied to asks quite quickly though, which is something unusual for me. Usually that’s where I’m slowest. I don’t know, is this another weird anxiety thing? Like I know I can reply, but I just...don’t?

Anyway...let’s get that done now I guess. There’s a lot of these, apologies if something got lost. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not, all I know is that sometimes my activity feed doesn’t show me everything.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Vlad the fashion icon strikes again.”

he's rocking that goth TM look lmao

I mean yeah.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “This brings back memories. Maybe he’s not evil, he just wants some...”

he's vv nice to his friends..... the problem is becoming his friend ��

I was going to reply with “if this ain’t me” but...actually once I get comfortable around people, irl especially, I’m awful to them D: (I can quite easily turn into the sarcastic asshole friend and no one believes me until I unleash it lmao) But anyway yeah I kinda can see Vlad to be that way, now that you mention it

#JusticeForVlad2k19

justkeeponsimming replied to your photo “End of the Year Tag 2 This time I was tagged by @justkeeponsimming....”

Ronnieeee!!! Your sims are SO gorgeous! Love love love this!

Aaaaah thank you so much! ♥

dandylion240 replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

When Ross and Caleb finally got together. I'm still hoping Caleb changes his mind and turns Ross.

If I had replied to this a week earlier, I could’ve used my favourite eye emoji. Oh well. Yeah, it’s good he changed his mind, isn’t it? :D I couldn’t stand the idea of separating them.

jackssims replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

The birth of Miracle! Caleb, Ross, and Sunset! The high school story and when Miracle and Adam got together as well!

ghkjahfljhk lately (I mean for the past few months) I’ve been really disliking Miracle and Adam’s storyline but for some reason when people mention it, they always say they liked it, so I guess I didn’t do that bad of a job? 

Same with the good old Zoey storyline. Everyone who has ever talked to me about it said they liked it and thought it was interesting, but I’m over here like “gjkfjgfjhg don’t mention that mess to me ever again”.

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset spent the New Year’s Eve by playing sims. This is very...”

I'M LITERALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW

I feel personally attacked

It’s fine, we’ve all been there :D

I think I played sims too this year. Well, first we played some board games with my parents, then there was midnight, I cried, went to see the fireworks (while finishing a bottle of wine but I swear I wasn’t drunk)...oooh and then I watched a stream and edited my sims screenshots! Okay so I didn’t actually play but I edited the pics and like...these are still fun new year’s eve plans, am I right?

melien replied to your photoset “Dawn came over and the two spent hours talking about space.”

I love their outfits! Totally would wear something like this

I like Sunset’s style especially. Well, sometimes she wears clothes I wouldn’t, but for most of the time, it’s just comfy fun stuff I wish I had. Especially considering my dark phase is over and colours are slowly coming back to my closet :D

melien replied to your post “I have some random sims I could share. Anyone interested?”

Ohhhh... on one hand I'd always want sims from you but on the other hand I fear I won't do them justice because idk where to use them rn. Dilemma

pls ask

I’m always down for creating sims for mutuals and friends (I just never talk about it), so just let me know when you want one. Also, I’m sure you would do them justice. I’m really not afraid you would fail there. You know I love everything you do, so... :D

melien replied to your photoset “This guy ♥”

Ending 2018 on a high note

The best note possible

simtress replied to your photoset “Caleb: Isn’t it sad that there are so many ways a vampire can live a...”

i love the name caleb...♥

Me too! I’ve liked it since the first time I had seen it in an English textbook years ago.

dandylion240  replied to your photoset “Oh god please tell me I didn’t accidentally have risky woohoo on or...”

It'd be fun to see what their kid would look like.

I agree and I’m surprised I’ve never played with their genetics. smh ron

cafeheart replied to your photo

okay he's hot but this also makes me uncomfy for some reason asfdlkjaj put him back

jackssims replied to your photo

I agree he’s got a hot vibe going, but this just feels wrong tbajfnakcn

It is kinda weird, I’ll admit that (but “reimagining” him was fun). It’s like...taking away Caleb Vatore’s weird emo hair. I admit I’ve done that once but it was just to mock myself anyway. I wouldn’t do it “for real”. Emo hair must stay. Yes it’s dumb, but also, it’s iconic. we stan dumb hair

I’d say this is something similar. I don’t want to say anything about Ross is iconic, but...you get my point, right?

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Okay, I don’t like this. I have a theory.” Caleb: “I know what...”

👀

The funny thing here is, when I was writing this dialogue, I had no idea what was going to happen later.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I don’t…I don’t ever want this to end.” Ross: “You’re the only...”

Way to dodge that, Caleb

Oh yeah. He’s good at that

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Sunset: I know I said I’d work out today but I really don’t want to…oh...”

mood

An everyday one

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Sim Download: Cara Meadows she/her, bisexual Another one. I imagine...”

ahh she's cute! might have to nab her for my private save ;)

Yay, I’m so happy to hear that! :D

jackssims replied to your photoset “Everything about this picture is a big mood. You may tag yourself now.”

Tbh I’m both Caleb and Sunset

Relatable

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Valentine: “Relationships and love aren’t really for me, but attending...”

Ironically her name is ValentineXD

Yup. Exactly. I bet it must be annoying for a person who couldn’t care less about getting into a relationship.

myopiccc replied to your photoset “Sunset wasn’t born to follow the crowd.”

Seriously!?!? I would never know THEY can use an umbrellas clever way! LOL

Lol they sometimes open it inside. Doesn’t seem clever to me :D But yeah, I didn’t expect them to sit down like this.

solarmoodlet replied to your photo “Sim Download: Enric Noel he/him, gay Sometimes a miracle happens and I...”

hes so cute. added him to my save. Tyvm!

Ahhh thank youuu!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I join you with the last point�� I kinda defeated social anxiety irl but the online anxiety stays. And they say shy people can communicate better online!

melien replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I third the online anxiety, glad to know I'm not alone

I wish I could say I defeated it irl as well...things got better (mainly because I just had to get used to it and grow a thicker skin) but I’m still an anxious trainwreck 99 % of the time :D It’s the same online. 

Also, instead of actually starting a conversation with people, I’m always like “oh you know, if you feel like talking to me, just send me a message, I don’t bite” but the problem is I know there’s a lot of us like that here and I’m not the only one with this fear of communication so maybe I should be the one to find the courage once

Wow that didn’t make sense but I think that only proves my point that I’m an anxious trainwreck :D

penelope-and-wonders replied to your photoset “You can put the umbrellas away, guys.”

What fun would that be? ��

Oh right, I can’t have a normal wedding :D It’s a universal rule that I should finally accept. Something would be wrong if everything went right for once.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Leigh Smith she/her, pansexual A long long time ago I...”

Omg, I looove her! ❤️❤️

Thank youuu ♥

green-productivitea replied to your photoset “Sunset: “What can I say? Freaking finally. Took you long enough to...”

The fact that she call him dad :O

Yep, she did. I love the relationship these two have.

yamekamerainbows27 replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Damn Sunset! You tell her girl ��

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Go Sunset!

That’s what she deserves

sparkiemonkey replied to your photoset “I mean, Sunset was right. Dawn is adorable.”

she is totally adorable

Up until now I was always saying that this legacy has some Good Genes, now with Dawn it will be more like Cute Genes.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Marcella: “What are you two doing?” Sunset: “Watching the clouds!...”

let them be dorks in peace!! lmao

Exactly!! No reasons to judge

cafeheart replied to your photoset “I would lie if I said I saw this coming.”

yknow if someone didnt have context for your legacy this kinda looks like caleb is murdering ross asdkfbbd

omg you’re right and I hate that you are right

vampcatsims replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

noooo he's going to leave him at the altar god this is going to hurt so much

omg wow this is where scrolling down and reading new ones before old ones causes reaction mistakes cuz omg this is for realsies isn't it?

kyveria replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

@vampcatsims don’t worry, ross has already had someone leave him at the altar so Caleb is going to stay ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Haha yeah, they’re going to be fine. I think. Can’t promise anything.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I…how can I say no to this? Yes, Ross. Yes, I will.” Ross:...”

Good! I was scared he was going to say no for a second ����

Imagine if he left him and I’d introduce a new spouse now. Or bring back Jordan. Or Marika.

Omg imagine I’d bring her back and she’d get her “happy little family” she claims she wishes for now.

myopiccc replied to your post “ - fave types of movies?”

Such a tense era! I'm a historic nerd too:)

Yeah, I love it! I mean, I don’t actually love it, there were some bad things happening, no freedom of speech and such, but for me, it’s an interesting era to learn about. I also think it’s important to know about these times because in a way, they’re still so similar to where we are now, we really should look back at them and try to not make the same mistakes...sadly, when I look at the situation in my country...sometimes it feels like people forget. Not just people like me who didn’t experience it and have only learned about it in History classes...feels like even people who have been there forget and it’s sad and frustrating and I wish I could do something about it. Okay rant over.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “Tell me honestly. Did you expect me to change my mind with...”

Nice! But I swear if this somehow backfires and Ross ends up dying...

👀

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

Ross you better not have died!!

jackssims replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

/ROSS/

ajkfaglafkghlahgfk I didn’t realize this would seem like he’s dying I’m sorry for causing panic fjaklflk

I just thought it was funny he set himself on fire and Caleb is over there like “nooo I agreed to marry this freak I have made a grave mistake”

princessdejamars replied to your photoset “Ummmm”

oh no not again

Yes. Yes again. And yeah, I could’ve left without saving. I didn’t. I was shocked when it happened and once I realized he’s pregnant again...you should’ve heard my hysterical laughter. Something is wrong with me and I don’t like it.

cafeheart replied to your photoset “Dawn: “Not a chance.”

sunset looks scared shitless asdkfjdbdb

"fhlakhfalklahkjjkij she’s kissing me I wasn’t prepared for this what do I do jgljfkjhlaafkgl”

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: Nothing happened…I’m fine…I’m just gonna give this dog a bath...”

That's totally not going to lead to more problems later, Caleb, if anything *did* happen (/sarcasm)

Yup. It’s totally okay to do that.

jackssims replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Oh fuck

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “oh shit”

wow

this is wild haha

Basically my reaction

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Dad, you’re home alone?” Caleb: “I think so.” Stella: “Aw,...”

jlkfdzsjlkfadg She's pregnant, he's pregnant, truly amazing

ikr

That’s a twist I truly didn’t expect at the end of this generation. Not that I’m complaining

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Anything else?” Caleb: “What? Is there supposed to be...”

/Caleb/

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “And that’s not all…” Ross: “Huh?” Caleb: “Nothing. Forget it.”

//Caleb//

See Ross and Caleb were made for each other because they both have a hard time learning from their mistakes lol

dandylion240 replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

There's a way to bend the rules. Since Ross will become a vampire. He and Caleb have forever to have a child together. So once Sunset takes over as heir I say anything goes for Ross after that �� but that's just me lol

Ooh, technically that could work! I didn’t even think about that. Good point. I don’t think they’ll have children together but I really do like this idea.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Is there anything you would like to tell me?” Caleb: “I was...”

Good! Caleb got the courage to tell Ross

I mean he didn’t really have another option at this point

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “You’re not going to leave me now, are you?” Ross: “I’m...”

Wholesome Ross (he’s really come full circle tbh)

I kept saying he would get better and no one believed me. There you have it guys, he’s a changed person. Character development! :D

simtress replied to your photo “™¥ ♥”

*eeps! she's too cute1

ikr, I miss her ;-;

melien replied to your photoset “Stella: I can’t believe it’s actually raining on my wedding day. We...”

It's a free riiiiide when you've already paid

Is this a reference I am supposed to get

Because I’m dumb and don’t get it lmao

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Say cheese hair!”

So don't ask how I remember it because I'm probably too invested lol but your theme with red hair/blonde(yellow) hair in gen 3 of every legacy? It continues

Omg I didn’t even realize! Sebastian and Lynn started it obviously, then in my Raven Legacy it was a little “easter egg” but this time, it’s a coincidence (a nice coincidence). I guess I just can’t have too many redheads!

melien replied to your photoset “oh shit”

The ultimate plot twist

The plot twist I normally would’ve welcomed but this time, I actually felt sorry for him. He didn’t deserve it the first time (aka the time I was petty and did it on purpose) and he didn’t deserve it this time either. But still. Aliens. I can’t just quit the game without saving when it has to do something with them, can I?

melien replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

Maybe babies for them perhaps?

Y’all really want them to have kids huh

melien replied to your photoset “Nooooo Rocket :( He’s old now!”

Can Caleb also turn Rocket? Vampire doggo would be fun

Man I’d love if that was possible (even though...I just imagined him biting the poor dog and that’s kinda weird). Buuuut...there’s something else that I did and it’s almost as good.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Minako Ito she/her, lesbian Traits: Good, Loner,...”

All of the Sims you put for download are so pretty! I'm grabbing them all!

Thank you so much ;-;

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “i was enchanted to meet you”

Aaahh nostalgia!

I knoooow ;-; I love them and I miss them and I want to play with them again

I mean I could, first I’d just have to finish the high school story and that’s...highly unlikely lol

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Aliens are in love with him that's true

New otp: Caleb/Aliens. Oh that's weird

They have a weird thing for Calebs

If you guys know a Caleb irl protect them

If you are a Caleb, well...I’m sorry

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Rocket: Hey I’m old, just thought you should know…oh nevermind what...”

This is somehow sad=((

Yeah. I love this little dog so much :(

[rahabs]

@rosewaterhag hat auf deine Fotoserie geantwortet: Elenir Lavellan Some (unedited) screenshots for...

I actually gasped! What a precious bean. Tell me about him, if you have time. <3

Thank you!  That one preset is surprisingly hard to work with smh.

I’ve only just started so he’s not entirely fleshed out yet but he is a very, very proud man.  He looks meek, but he’s not, and favours practicality (even harsh practicality) over sentimentality--unless it comes to the protection of his Clan, whereupon practically flies out the window, as, try as he might, Elenir is more ruled by emotion than he’d like to admit to anyone, and is fiercely loyal to his Clan.  He’ll flirt and charm in his own way on occasion, but it’s more out of a sharp desire to gauge people’s reactions as opposed to genuine interest, and at the moment he’s less than pleased with being the figurehead of a human movement, and harsh in his rejections of both his title and the idea of being any kind of Herald for the Chantry, of all things.

He’s also very intelligent, though this can lend itself to his arrogance, which comes out in his views of the rebel mages, whom he views as fools, though his prejudices against the Chantry will make choosing a side a bit of a conundrum for him.  He doesn’t want to reward the foolhardiness of the rebel mages, scornfully declaring that if they were gormless enough to sell themselves to a Tevinter Magister they deserve their fate, but at the same time he isn’t wholly without sympathy, and is also wary of making an alliance with the templars, though he admits that the templars might be easier to control than the mages in some ways, their abilities more effective and their ranks more disciplined than the rebels, which appeals to him.  People say he should have more sympathy towards the rebels because he’s a mage, the First to his Clan, but he doesn’t see why he should--the Dalish have rules for mages too, so he says it’s not as though it’s just a free-for-all in the forest where mages live free without rules and consequences.  (At the same time, though, from a player perspective, despite favouring the templars myself I’d love for him to experience the time-travel option because I think that would motivate him to accept his role as the Inquisitor more in the long wrong, having seen what could happen.)

In general, insulting the Dalish is a good way to make him defensive.  It’s not like he’s unaware of the flaws they possess, but in his mind the condescension of the Dalish elves is no more and no less than the condescension they face from others, and thus it doesn’t concern him--an eye for an eye, that sort of thing.  (He and Solas will have an interesting relationship--I’m looking forward to seeing it progress.)  Elenir also doesn’t understand why people are content to live in ignorance while simultaneously look down on the Dalish for trying to reclaim their heritage--what’s more, he doesn’t understand why there are people who are proud of the fact that they don’t care about the past or where they came from.  To him, it reeks of ignorance, and he doesn’t think that’s something to take pride in.

Ultimately Elenir is a shrewd, proud man who’s going to have to learn to wrangle his emotions and aforementioned pride better if he’s going to prove to be not just an effective leader (because he is effective, even if people hate him) but one that people want to follow.  He was working on it in his clan, dutifully learning all he could in preparation of leading them, but that was a position he wanted, he wanted to lead the Clan, wanted to keep them safe and prosperous and would have given anything to do that, whereas he wants little to do with an Inquisition, where condescension towards his people seems to be a bit of an unofficial sport sometimes.  So he’s going to have to learn to make peace with that, as well as the fact that his life in his old Clan is gone, which pains him more than he wants to let on to anyone: he took pride in his role, loved doing what he did, and the idea of being replaced is something that sits heavy and bitter in his heart.  In general he’s grieving heavily the fact that he’s no longer with them,  “Cold fire” is a good way of describing him on a good day in the Inquisition, I’d say, though back with his Clan his more abrasive side is usually kept more under wraps.  Right now he’s clashing with Cassandra a bit (though he gets along with a hardened Leliana, so I doubt she’ll be softened in this playthrough), because to him this isn’t an honour and he’s still a bit pissed about being treated like shit and still being expected to embrace leading a bunch of people who barely tolerate him, if they tolerate him at all, and I’m interested to see how he’s going to progress as the game goes!  I’m not even sure who he’s going to romance, if anyone (he isn’t the type to seek out romance, but instead fall into it).

In the meantime, though, that’s a basic rundown of Elenir :D